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#divus crewel
blackopals-world · 2 days
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Nurse!Yuu: Have you seen my dress shoes? The nice ones from Christmas?
Vet!Yuu: You probably threw them in the back of the closet after you complained about how uncomfortable they are. I can't find my old ascot.
Marine Biologist!Yuu: *in a puffy dress* Why do we have to do this?
Nurse!Yuu: Because our aunt decided to sign a contract with Crowley and now we need to dress our very best or she'll tell dad.
-Later at the gate-
Crewel: So this of yours is the new counselor? What is she like?
Vet!Yuu: Catty.
Nurse!Yuu: Drunk.
Marine Biologist!Yuu: Good at her job but not with her own personal life.
(1930s chrome Cadillac pulls up)
Therapist!yuu: *steps out wearing a set of pearl and glass jewelry, a long fur wrap, a wide-brim sun hat, and sunglasses* Oh my darlings, it's been a dog's age! How are my little sugar plums?
Crewel: Is she single?
The triplets: *glare at Crewel in disgust*
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ventique18 · 20 hours
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Crowley as Mallepapa hc:
The first time he receives a text message from Malleus, he's so elated that he prints it, frames it, and displays it proudly on his office table. He's just so happy that his son is finally opening up and allowing them to start over from the beginning.
Crewel: "..."
🐦‍⬛: "What is it?"
🐩: "That's... A really unique decor you have there."
🐦‍⬛: "Is it not? My son has a way with words! I dare say he inherited it from me, haha!"
🐩: "It literally says 'please stop bothering me'."
🐦‍⬛: "He's a shy boy."
🐩: "He follows up with a 'please delete my number'."
🐦‍⬛: "Being keen on privacy is a wonderful trait."
🐩: "He finishes the conversation with a 'rest in hell'."
🐦‍⬛: "A wonderful vacation suggestion, indeed! What better way is there to spend the freezing winter than in the toasty lands of hell?"
🐩: "..."
🐦‍⬛: "Well? Is there anything else you need from me?"
🐩: "Please just approve my leave request. I need a break."
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fingerless-glovez · 2 days
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*After a break*
Crewel: Who's happy to be back?
Ace: Absolutely no one.
Crewel: *slams his hands on the desk* Me neither, let's get the heck out of here.
*smash cut to Crewel and all the students crammed into Crewel's car screaming as they floor it down the road*
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mysteryshoptls · 1 hour
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SR Lilia Vanrouge - Lab Coat Vignette
"Let's have a bit of fun."
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[Botanical Garden – Temperate Zone]
Lilia: Oopsies, what a blunder. My first class in the afternoon is potionology.
Lilia: I almost forgot I needed to harvest the herbs I'll need for class before lunch break ended.
Lilia: I guess I got a little too into messing with Silver and Sebek.
Lilia: Hmm, I think the herb I needed was "duskweed." That should grow somewhere near this flower bed…
???: Give it back…!!
Lilia: Hm? Sounds to be some sort of commotion.
Lilia: It'd be cumbersome to get embroiled into whatever it is… For now, I think I'll keep to the shadows behind the trees and keep an eye on the situation.
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Epel: Those "lanternblossoms" are mine! And their nectar was finally almost ready for harvesting after all my hard work…!
Lilia: Oh, that wide-eyed freshman… He's the new student that Vil's been keeping around recently.
Lilia: I think his name was… Epel?
Savanaclaw Student A: Well, hey now, thanks for raisin' 'em. 'Cause hey, this botanical garden's for all students to use, yeah?
Savanaclaw Student B: Yeah, we need these flowers too, man. From what I hear, they sell pretty high, see?
Savanaclaw Student C: You're a freshman, right? We're sophomores. You gotta respect your elders!
Epel: Oh come on…!
Lilia: Dearie me, look at that poor kid, caught up with some delinquents. I've been in the same boat before, it seems that's the fate of us small and petite folk.
Lilia: Nevertheless, those sophomores are picking on a poor underclassman with glee. So unsightly.
Epel: Grr… Give it back!!
[throws dirt]
Savanaclaw Student C: Ack!? [cough, spits] This dude just threw dirt in my face!
Epel: Next, sweep the legs!
[slam!]
Savanaclaw Student A: Ow!! Hey, aimin' for our shin's ain't fair, is it!?
Lilia: Oho, blind 'em and sweep 'em! Not a bad technique.
Lilia: Split judgements can mean everything on the battlefield. Good fighters are made from those who can make quick decisions without hesitation.
Lilia: However…
Savanaclaw Student B: Stop tryin' to think you're more than just a pretty face! Why don'tcha run back to your highfalutin' Pomefiore dorm and go embroider or somethin'!
[SLAM!]
Epel: Urgh…!
Lilia: Aw… And there he goes, thrown to the ground.
Lilia: Hmm. His fighting spirit is commendable, but he's no match against 3 opponents.
Lilia: I can't just abandon a growing chick with a promising future. …Well, I guess I can lend a small hand.
[rustle, rustle…]
Lilia: That's enough!
Epel: Eh? You're…
Savanaclaw Student C: Urk!! Aren't you Diasomnia Vice Housewarden Lilia Vanrouge!?
Lilia: Those herbs you're holding there, I need them for class as well. Could I have them?
Lilia: Looks to me like you three are sophomores. And as you can see, I'm a junior…
Lilia: If I'm not mistaken, you young'uns are supposed to respect your elders, hm?
Savanaclaw Student A: !! This guy was totally listenin' on us!
Epel: Um… Lilia-san. This's mah... I mean, this is my fight.
Epel: You don't need to jump in.
Lilia: Khee hee hee, oh, you're so cold.
Lilia: Sometimes it doesn't hurt to lean on your upperclassmen a bit. You can trust me, so just keep quiet and watch.
Savanaclaw Student B: Humph, fine by me. If you want these flowers, try and take 'em from us!
Savanaclaw Student C: Oh but, as an upperclassman, you definitely remember you can't use settle fights with magic, riiiiight?
Savanaclaw Student C: Without magic, you're just another weak little Malleus lackey.
Savanaclaw Student B: There's no way you can stand up with us! Hyahaha!
Lilia: I see… Seems like you're looking down on me too.
Lilia: See here, you little jackanapes. I don't need any magic to make you folk eat dirt.
Lilia: It's been quite some time since I've had to teach a lesson to such fiery little scamps. Well then, let's have a bit of fun.
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[Botanical Garden – Temperate Zone]
Epel: Wow… I definitely wasn't expecting that.
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Lilia: I knew you boys wouldn't be a match for me, and it looks like I was right.
Lilia: Your punches were much, much too slow. I thought I'd fall asleep with how boring that was.
Savanaclaw Student A: Urgh… D-Dammit. I couldn't see his moves at all. When did he throw us all?
Epel: He just dealt with guys much bigger than him… And three of them at once, to boot… There's no way.
Savanaclaw Student B: I thought this guy was just one of Malleus's lackeys, but he's something else…!
Lilia: Think of this as a good lesson to never judge your foe by their looks.
Lilia: What now? Should I drill it into your heads once more?
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Savanaclaw Student C: No way! Hey, l-l-l-let's get outta here!!!
[scrambles away]
Lilia: Khee hee hee. Now that I came out victorious, I think I'll take the lanternblossoms that Epel so painstakingly raised.
Epel: Ah… So you want… my flower too…
Lilia: Hm? …Hmmmmm??? Oh nooo! What have I done~~~!!
Lilia: I thought this flower was what I needed for potionology class but nooo~~ Ah, what a blunder.
Lilia: Here you go, Epel. I don't need this, so I'll return it to you.
Epel: I-I kinda don't see how that was a blunder…
Epel: …Uh, Lilia-san. I appreciate your help, but that flower's yours now.
Lilia: Hm? Why's that?
Epel: I went and lost to those guys, and now you're showing me pity…? I don't need none of that.
Lilia: Oho, what a thing to say.
Lilia: Looks like despite your fragile exterior, you've got quite the bite.
Epel: …You're one to talk.
Epel: You're about my size, and yet you just easily beat those larger guys… Who exactly are you?
Lilia: Heh, if you really want to know…
Lilia: I used to be really into fighting games. And the more I played, the more I got good at those special combos IRL.
Epel: You got that strong just by playing games?
Lilia: That's just a quip.
Epel: Huh…?
Lilia: Anyhow. I definitely like your pluck to not back down against your upperclassmen!
Lilia: Especially that first strike of yours. That was a masterstroke. With a little bit of polish, I'm sure you'll shine bright.
Epel: Do… Do you mean that?
Lilia: Indeed. There are ways for petite chaps like us to fight properly, you know.
Lilia: Here, I can teach you a thing or two.
Epel: P-Please…!
Lilia: Alright then, Tactics for the Small #1! "Maintain Your Distance"!
Lilia: It's unwise to fight bigger opponents head on. Their power will just overwhelm you.
Lilia: So the first thing you should do is maintain your distance. Avoid their strikes and wait for the right moment to hit back.
Epel: Uh… That's not really manly, though… is it?
Lilia: Just hear me out. Larger foes tend to get worked up when they face smaller and spry opponents.
Lilia: As soon as they lose their cool and swing wildly, that's your chance! Get in close and end them with one hit.
Lilia: Even better if you strike a vital point!
Epel: I get it! The bigger the foe, the bigger the target… Right?
Lilia: Exactly! Next, Tactic #2! "When up against 2 foes, hide in their shadows."
Lilia: For example, you can hide behind person A and strike at person B from their blind spot.
Lilia: This is another technique that only us with petite frames can use!
Epel: …From the way you talk about it, it doesn't actually sound too bad to be small.
Lilia: Of course, because stature doesn't determine your strength. What's important isn't the power of your swing, but how you use it. And, finally…
Lilia: You need that unbreakable fighting spirit, with just a tad bit of mischief.
Epel: Heheh… So you're saying not to fight them fair and square.
Lilia: Well, yes, because unlike sports, winning is all that matters in fights.
Epel: I'll keep that in mind. Lilia-san, thank you for the lesson.
Epel: Um… Do you think I can ask you to teach me some more fighting techniques some other time?
Lilia: Mhm. If I have the time, I can do just that.
Epel: Awesome…!
Lilia: Until then, make sure you keep working on yourself. Bye for now.
Epel: Yes, sir! Thank you!
Lilia: Khee hee hee, ah, the joys of youth~ That made me feel young again as well.
Lilia: I think I'll keep up this youthful momentum and go enjoy my afternoon, now.
Lilia: Hm…?
Lilia: Now that I think of it, I feel as though I've forgotten something important… What could it be?
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[Alchemy Workshop]
Crewel: Vanrouge!! How atrociously bold of you to step into my classroom completely empty-handed.
Crewel: Where is the duskweed you need for your class experiment!?
Lilia: Ah, I knew I was forgetting something!
Crewel: Go Fetch!! Refrain from your carefree blathering, and quickly collect it!
Lilia: Right, right, I'll go right now.
Lilia: My memory must be going with my old age~ Oopsies, what a blunder.
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Requested by Anonymous.
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twisted-dork · 3 days
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Demon Slayer (Yuu)niverse Child au Incorrect quotes #7 Jokes
Teen!SwapGyutaro!Yuu: Oooo, ChildTanjiro!Yuu’s gonna be mad…
*Toddler!Muichiro!Yuu holding ChildTanjiro!Yuu ripped hoari*: AH!
Teen!SwapGyutaro!Yuu: And then you’re not going to be their favorite anymore
Toddler!Muichiro!Yuu: AHHH!
Teen!SwapGyutaro!Yuu: Then I’ll be their favorite
*Toddler!Muichiro!Yuu start bawling*
Teen!SwapGyutaro!Yuu: Woah! I’m just kidding.
Teen!SwapGyutaro!Yuu: Ugh, babies never get my jokes..
Teen!SwapGyutaro!Yuu: Please stop crying…
*WAM*
Crewel: I think that’s quite quite enough from you pup
*Crewel said as he picks up Toddler!Muichiro!Yuu*
Crewel: come now baby pup I’ll show you how to fix the clothes
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yui-hibari · 1 day
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Divus Crewel
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juno-of-wonderland · 5 months
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Calling the staff "dad"
edit made on 10/27: Sam is now not speaking my mother tongue, sorry for that
warning: not reviewed
Dire Crowley
"are you done with-" "yes dad, I already did that" "…"
-this guy will ask permission to leave and will cry with happiness in the magic mirror -I also cried in the bath -he would boast about this to the other staff
Divus Crewel
"puppy you need to be more attentive" mumbling"sorry dad"
-he will ask you to repeat what you said -he had already adopted you before -but now he will ask you to sign the paper
Mozus Trein
"Dad, can you explain this part to me? I didn't understand very well" "…Of course"
-you think you saw the ghost of a smile on his face -he thinks: it looks like I have four children now -He is happy but shows it in his reserved way
Sam
you're trying to get something from the high shelf but you can't appears next to you "here little shadow" "thanks Dad"
-…he's too young to be a father, but he's not complaining -will teach you to be an entrepreneur -will make you sign an adoption document without you realizing
Ashton Vargas
"you're doing great kid!" breathless "thank you dad"
-oh, he's happy -it's like they gave him infinite cans of energy drink -I feel sorry for you and hurt other students when he gets so excited
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ryuichirou · 1 year
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Never change, Trein, you old b-
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*sounds of an explosion*
Crewel: you left Yuu alone in the lab again didn't you?
Deuce: well...
Ace: they said they wanted to finish something
Crewel: you pups are in so much trouble
Yuu: (screaming) I made Diamonds! I'll finally have money!
Crewel: Yuu isn't in trouble
Ace: favortism
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wakacchi · 8 months
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"Itterasshai~" (-ェ-)。o
Get the full kareshi sensation at my ko-fi!
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dotster001 · 6 months
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Meeting Their Future Kids With You
Summary: Vil/Idia/Crewel/Crowley/Malleus/Rook x gn! Reader. A child suddenly appears. And it seems to have a connection to you? Requested by @stygianoir
A/N: It's in my pinned post, and I've mentioned this in a couple posts, but if this is the first of my stuff you've read, I view NRC as an actual college, so reader here is 18+. If it makes you more comfy, imagine it as grad school age.
CW: spreading my asexual Malleus agenda, especially now that I've been spoiled for the fact that the dragon lays an egg and all it needs is love to hatch. ASEXUAL MALLEUS CAN NOW BE CANON Y'ALL!!!! Anyways...his kid is the only one with physical descriptors, so do with that what you will 😅
3k followers masterlist
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Something was wrong. There was a presence at Ramshackle that shouldn't be there. Could it be? Could someone be trying to steal you from him? No! He had only just started courting you! It wasn't fair. 
He poofed into your sitting room and froze. 
You were snuggling what looked like…a small version of him?
You looked up and your jaw dropped.
"Wait, I thought this was you!" You looked back down at the kid who giggled and made grabby hands at Malleus.
"Daddy!"
Ah! Yes, he understood now. Draconia genes were strong. This child clearly was barely old enough to even hold a human form, it was not out of the realm of possibility that it had accidentally used a time travel spell. Perhaps that was even the child's unique magic.
He walked over to the child in your arms, scooped it up, and gave it a soft kiss between the two tiny horns emerging from their head.
"It's wonderful to see you, but it's time to go home, little one."
The child nodded sagely and vanished in a puff of green smoke. You looked at him in complete confusion, but he simply laughed, repeating his kiss, but this time to your forehead.
He knew you were his soulmate.
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He knew with a single glance. The familiarity the twin girls before him held in their gazes, the way they carried themselves, the hats on their heads. Everything screamed his influence.
And though that didn't make any sense, Rook knew his eye and his instincts were never wrong.
But there was something about the girls that was distinctly…..
"Rook! Hi- aw shit, please tell me you didn't kidnap some kids!"
So distinctly you.
The two girls shared what, to anyone but Rook, would seem like an unsettling smile as you approached the silent scene.
"Non non, they are just passing through, oui, petites fleur's?"
"Oui," they said simultaneously, grinning at you, their eyes taking in your every facial twitch.
"Uh, okay? Relatives of yours?"
"One could say that."
All three of them laughed, leaving you confused and a little frightened.
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It was a normal day like any other. Searching for Epel who had once again fled his lessons.
And he had found him in the worst possible place. A mud pile with an already very muddy teenage girl.
Epel splashed the girl with a childish giggle, and she laughed hysterically.
"Papa was right, you were crazy!" She giggled making a mud ball and throwing it at him.
He dodged and it hit Vil.
"Ah shit," she whispered under her breath. But after a second of reflection, she grinned. "Wait, why am I scared? You're not the boss of me."
Vil glared, and she suddenly looked apologetic again.
Both Epel and the girl stared at the ground, completely avoiding eye contact.
"What school are you from?" Vil snapped at the girl.
She snickered but said nothing.
"Who do I report you to?"
She laughed louder. "Nah, I don't have to tell you shit."
"Language," he snapped, and tears filled her eyes.
"It was all uncle Epel's fault. I told him I didn't want to play in the mud, but he made me do it!"
"You absolute rat!" Epel shouted, picking up some mud and preparing to throw it.
Vil cast a quick spell, freezing both of you in place. He stormed over and snatched each of your wrists, preparing to storm off with the two trouble makers in tow, when he saw the shimmering gold bracelet on your wrist. Engraved on it was L/N-Schoenheit.
He stared for a moment, then groaned.
"Epel, remind me to never let you around my future child."
"He's my godfather," the girl grinned impishly, and Vil felt a part of himself die.
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"Excuse me, I'm looking for my dad. You look like you could be related to him."
Idia knew he shouldn't have left his room today. All he wanted was a snack, and to maybe see you if you happened to not be in a class right now, and now this extroverted teenager was asking about his dad.
What the absolute fuck?
He quickly pulled out his ipad, typing something about how anyone related to him wasn't worth finding, when the twerp yanked the iPad out of his hands.
"Nevermind, I figured it out," the kid snorted. "Hi dad!"
Idia started stuttering. Not only was this twerp an extroverted teen who stole his iPad, he was also insane.
"Nah, nah, not today, not today…" Idia started muttering under his breath.
The kid rolled his eyes.  
"Forgot about this part. Guess they really did change you for the better," he started typing something on his watch, and a hologram popped up, showing the kid, you, and Idia…? Your and Idia's faces were a bit more lined than they were right now but….it was definitely you.
He stared at the hologram, his hair turning a bright red. 
"Oh! Hey Idia!" Your voice called from behind him.
He turned and waved to you shyly, then turned back to the teen. But he was gone.
And the damn boy stole his iPad.
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If his hair wasn't already dyed, those two freshmen would have given him gray hair by now.
Once again, they'd made a potion explode in his classroom. And once again, the fallout would be a pain to clean up.
Where you had once sat was a small child. A small child who was looking at him expectantly.
"Well?" She asked.
At first he had assumed this small child was your child form. But no. She looked nothing like you. Though, she did have a similar glint in her eye.
"Who are you?" He asked softly, not wishing to scare the child with the rage that was building up inside him. He'd told you again and again that your friends were trouble, and now look where it got you.
Wait. Where exactly were you?
Before the girl could speak, a red smoke filled the room, and a him with a few more wrinkles appeared, dragging you by the wrist. Your face was covered in a vicious pout.
"I already told them," future Crewel said, eying the freshmen with a vicious glare. "No need to repeat it."
He opened his arms in front of the little girl, a warm smile taking over his features, as the girl climbed into his arms, snuggling into him. He pointed at you and the freshman one more time, said, "Behave." And vanished into red smoke.
Present day Crewel pinched the bridge of his nose, and pointed at you.
"He already said it," you snapped,punching Ace in the shoulder for good measure.
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"Morning dad."
"Morning," Crowley muttered tiredly as he sipped his coffee.
Then he choked on it. There should be no one in his office right now. And there should be no one calling him dad.
He looked over and saw a kid who was somewhere between the age of 10 and 13 sorting through his stack of paperwork.
"Pardon me, but do you mind explaining what you're doing?"
The kid looked up and raised a brow in confusion.
"Um, morning paperwork?" He laughed nervously. "Wait did you forget that….uh, nevermind, I'll just go then."
The kid hastily made the papers into a pile, grabbed a backpack, and started to hustle out of the office. Only to be stopped when he bumped into you as you were storming into the office.
"Crowley! You promised you'd fix my goddamn roof!"
"Dad said I wasn't grounded anymore!"
Both of you shouted over the top of each other, and then stared in confusion.
The kid sprinted out of the office, knocking you over in the process.
Dire, meanwhile, released a delighted giggle, his face feeling warm as he grinned at you with a lovesick grin. Only to be annoyed as you brought up your roof again.
"If you excuse me, I have other things to attend to. I assure you that child will only cause trouble."
He ran out of his own office, no intention of actually finding his future son, only intending to hide from you.
Too bad you could always see through him, and were right on his tail.
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blackopals-world · 1 hour
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Therapist!Yuu: (Drinking at the bar)
Crewel: (takes a seat next to them)
Therapist!Yuu: Now don't you waltz over here all smooth-like. Fellas will think I'm easy or worse, taken.
Crewel: There's nothing wrong with two coworkers grabbing a drink?
Therapist!Yuu: So what's the word?
Crewel: Head you had a problem with Ms.Rosehearts today.
Therapist!Yuu: That old shrew. If you want me to sing that song you better get me a highball to cope.
Crowley: Hey bartender, can we get one Whiskey highball and a rum and coke over here.
Therapist!Yuu: Well aren't you a doll. Well I'll tell you true, that woman gets under my skin. She has the nerve to challenge my judgment. She links around my office like she's gotta snake tail and yells in my face about it. All I did was teach her boy the grey rock method of dealing with her. Now she's can't get a reaction out of him because he ignores her. Without anyone to get energy from narcissistic vampires like her have nothing to feed off of.
Crowley: So you ignored her too?
Therapist!Yuu: No I dragged her by the bejeweled ear and kicked her back to Timbuktu. I know it's not a proper thing to do, specially not for a lady but sometimes well I don't feel like acting like a lady. This whole mess has got me in a right tizy. I must be chewing your ear off though.
Crowley:(absolutely smitten) Oh no, I love hearing you talk.
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bones4thecats · 2 months
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I haven't done these in a while so...
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At A Staff Meeting... ~ Divus Crewel: I was voted “friendliest classmate” in high school. Mozus Trein: I was voted “most likely to become a clown”… Dire Crowley: You think that’s bad? HA! I was voted “most likely to get rabies”!
When Grim Goes To The ADeuce Duo For Help... ~ Grim: Yuu's mad at me, and I'm not sure why. Deuce Spade: Okay, did you talk before they got upset? Grim: …yes? Ace Trappola: That's probably it.
This Is What Happens When You Marry the Cater Diamond... ~ Cater Diamond: Hey, babe, remember how I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up my ADHD meds? Y/N - Reader: Yes? Cater Diamond: Well, it turns out they're all out for the next five days. Y/N - Reader: ... Cater Diamond: It's gonna be a fun week! Y/N - Reader: I'm going to Trey's house. Cater Diamond: Nuh-uh. Through sickness and health, motherfucker.
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batneko · 4 months
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Malleus is best sempai.
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hoegender · 10 months
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literally why doesn't science club just wear their labwear. it's so funny to me
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kenchann · 4 months
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yuu + grim + fellow etc doodles
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