#but I feel mentally ill | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

technicallyaminecraftsimp · 2 years

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What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck

#guys help #what the fuck #my brain is like having its own freak out or panic thing I don’t know #everything feels wrong #like physically I’m fine besides a slight feeling of pricks #but I feel mentally ill #and everything feels wrong and I need to like #jump and scream and cry but also do nothing for 72 hours and I hate it I hate it #why is this feeling #I fucking god damn #I need to be held or something man I don’t know what this feeling is #or why my brain is starting it but I hate it #this is terrible #I am like close to crying just bc my friend sent me hw notes #something seems wrong but idk maybe I just hav to sleep #I wish I could be held right now #The Crab Speaks #vent #ask to tag

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stil-lindigo · 18 days

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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

#cw: suicidal ideation #cw: suicide #cw: self harm #cw: mental health #cw: depression #i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it #i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague #it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves #so. please dont #for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic #with the state of the world as it is #having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful #but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full #and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead #i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us #there is no fix-all #and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile #i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it #thank you for reading #and please stay alive #stillindigo art #stillindigo comics

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goodluckdetective · 6 months

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Look, this is what moral OCD is like for me:

I walk past a piece of paper. I don’t pick it up because I had a long day at work and it’s very cold outside. This then becomes my internal monologue:

I didn’t pick up that piece of paper, I should have. Don’t I care about the environment? It’s not my trash, I shouldn’t have to pick it up. But also that’s how these things happen right? We place the blame on others as our environment degrades. It was just a piece of paper, it’s not like it can do that much damage. But also how do I know: I’m not an environmental expert. Maybe stray paper scraps are killing the frogs. You’re literally killing the frogs. You should look up how many frogs die a year so you know how shitty you are-No stop it.

I care about the environment, and I recycle and I joined green activism movements but is that enough? I could be doing more. I should be doing more. I should donate my entire check to charity. But isn’t it self serving to think that my one check could help that much? Do I really think I’m that important, how self entitled and-no stop it, reset! You are obsessing and if you fall for it, you will not eat dinner. Let it go.

Okay it’s just a piece of paper. It’s okay you skipped it this once: it could have had something dangerous on it. Yeah that makes sense. But also, that means I’m putting my own safety over trying to help the environment, which is very selfish of me. I’m just one shitty person: god how could I be so self absorbed. I should have picked up the piece of paper. I’m so selfish, and shitty and-no, no, stop it! This is not helpful. It’s fine.

It’s been a long day and I’m cold, that’s not a crime- no that’s being selfish again, you’re making excuses. You’re just a lazy piece of shit who doesn’t care about others, and selfish and God the fact you’re thinking this much about one piece of paper shows how selfish you are, you care more about if you’re a good person than anything else, you’re a piece of shit, you’re a piece of shit, YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT.

I get home and open up Tumblr. The first post I see says “if you don’t reblog this post about the environment you’re as complicit as an oil billionaire.” I close my computer and resign myself to looking up the state frog populations until I go to bed.

I don’t eat dinner.

The amount of frogs that die a year is somewhere from 200 million to over 1 billion.

#moral ocd #ocd #scrupulosity #Iz rambles #this is okay to reblog I think people really don’t get it #mental illness #the issue with the social media post is not that it exists or that OP even feels about this issue: the issue is it validates my ocd #I don’t obsess about frogs but that is a bummer stat I do rather like them #obsessive compulsive disorder

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ducktollers · 3 months

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best friends

#valentines day #love puppy #love kitten #webkinz #digital art #id in alt text #my art #ik i said i would do raccoons again but i remembered ive been meaning to draw webkinz love puppy idk #this was mostly an excuse to experiment w brushes and textures. experiment failed i still hate them #my battle w procreate is ongoing 🔪#idk i feel like i should keep a tradition of valentines day drawings #HOPEFULLY now that school is done. maybe ill finally have the mental bandwidth to draw in october #which is way better than february 😑

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ed-recoverry · 10 months

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To anyone who was suicidal at age 14 or younger, here’s your permission to grieve. Here’s your permission to not joke about it or just flat out ignore it. Here’s your permission to acknowledge that lost child who felt way more pain than any child should ever feel. You’re allowed to cry for that child, whether you healed or are still suffering the same thoughts. Finally allow yourself to grieve for that child filled with undeserved hurt.

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religion-is-a-mental-illness · 1 year

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An interesting demonstration of how the human brain works.

But also something of a lesson regarding perception, and the unreliability of subjective perspective versus objective reality.

You can be extremely certain about how you perceive the world, your "lived experience," that which you "feel it in my heart." But that doesn't mean it's actually true. And it doesn't mean we have to endorse it, or ignore or outright deny objective reality.

That's a "you" thing, not a "we" thing.

#Adelbert Ames #Ames Window #perception #perspective #objective reality #lived experience #i feel it in my heart #subjective experience #The Curiosity Show #science #optical illusion #religion is a mental illness

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inkskinned · 1 year

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something bad happened to you, and you died, and you came back wrong.

not wrong all the way. the little ways. you forget important dates, stopped going out with friends. it's harder to make you smile. you're apathetic towards things you used to love, afraid of places you used to go to cheer up. quieter. flinching. different.

you came back for love. you're still here for love. what pulled you back was a brightness so loud that even death couldn't outshout it. death heard the call and smiled at you and said okay. go home. somebody is waiting for you.

but you came back different. like lot's wife; you've turned into salt. you used to chirp through life in hops and skips; but now you lose skin just standing up. you have to move slower, skimming across this world without-touching-it. most things feel dull - until they're suddenly all-too-much. life, and being alive just rushes up and over you and you get hopelessly crushed.

you try to explain it to them: it is ugly, but this is what you are, now. the huge golden hoop of your halo now a little bronze ring. you are still watering your plants and wearing the same clothes. after all, you worked hard to come home. this life; so odd and off-color, now that you are wrong.

but they waited for you - it's just that they wanted the "you" that happened before this. the "you" that could sing in the show and hug people tight and look at a blade without breaking down to cry. the you with a smile in pictures. god, holyshit, it's like looking at a completely different person, isn't it. that other-you; the one they actually wanted.

you are the consolation prize. you are the body that forgot the ghost. you are the memory of the bad thing, and the death after; like you are wearing that memory as a banner. you are a fragment, an assembly. simulacrum. you don't make eye contact in mirrors, afraid the light will glance off and your true nature will flash back at you.

you hear them talk about it in their hushed, desperate whispers. sometimes they even admit it to your face; harsh and violent, acid thrown at christmas dinner. god, can you just fucking be normal again. you do not remember what normal is. you had to climb so far to get back here; you are far too exhausted. you want to open the glass door of your heart and show all the gears. can you help resolve whatever got messed up?

you try so, so hard. you came back for them. because you believed they would love you, even when you were so horribly broken. because you believed they would be patient. because you believed unconditional meant "without exception." you cannot do things the same way. you just get tired too quickly these days.

you want to put them on a couch and pour them the tea with hands that shake more than they remember. you want to line them up and draw them a map of where you have had to wander. you want to show every bruise in a backsplash; the little helpless ant of your soul carrying all that weight, over and over. you want to say: yes! it is different! but i did it for love!

you want to say: "i'm not the same, but i'm yours and i'm here. can that be enough?"

#this is very obviously about my battle with #ptsd #but i think it's also like a pretty apt metaphor for a lot of things like setting boundaries or going to therapy or choosing recovery #i was thinking about the 'comes back wrong' trope and i was like. oh no i have feelings about this bc i have mental illness #and once i stopped masking - i was WRONG. i was different #here's the good news: i am now INNUNDATED with love. fucking swimming in it. excelling at it. the people who stayed #learned my new self. my new different body and how i am different but i am trying. they have held me so tightly #and my life no longer feels quiet. it is not based in my suffering. it feels like i have been growing a tree in my chest #and now it is flowering.#it is so lovely to be surrounded by people who have said - oh! you cut off so many branches i was worried you weren't the same. but now...#... this is just a new you. and i love you. and i love that you're different and happy.#(but yeah also im nb so i was absolutely influenced by Trans things)

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dead-core · 3 months

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part of knowing me is watching me self-destruct. you cannot save me, you cannot fix me, and you cannot stop me.

#actually mentally ill #actually borderline #actually bpd #ed not ed sheeran #ed not sheeren #bpd #bpd thoughts #bpd feels #bpd vent #bpd mood #this is so dramatic and like edgelord but fr!#not good at taking care of myself and self-aware about it! plus stubborn and spiteful and defiant so your concern just fuels me #sometimes i can be very 'oh you're worried? shut the fuck up and don't tell me what to do'#so that's not great

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rosekasa · 1 month

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im feeling so unwell about them tonight

#so disgusting #get a room #miraculous ladybug #adrienette #adrinette #the other day me and my best friend were talking about moments where our otps make us feel almost repulsed #and i was like oh my god youre so right.#because there are momente LS will do things so unnecessarily cute that ill actually feel angry #like are you fucking serious? in front of my salad?#anyway #im mentally well #♡alizeh talks♡#tagged:adrienette

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clouvu · 2 days

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yknow what. *undooms your yuri again*

#genshin impact #arlecchino #peruere #clervie #arlevie #hi they still make me feel mentally ill #finished arle's story quest and like the brainrot has gotten worse actually #obsessed with the fact that Clervie is like the only girl to look at Peruere and say “I can fix her” and ACTUALLY fucking fix her #well like. for the most part.#shes still a little bit fucked up but in her defense clervie ended up giving up on life and the pursuit of freedom and died in arle's arms #WHICH YKNOW ADDED A HINT OF EXTRA TRAUMA but we dont talk about that

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ccorinthian · 2 years

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fuck you ageism fuck you life ending at 30 fuck you makeup industry forcing us to feel bad about a natural process fuck you hustle culture fuck you instagram fuck you youtube fuck you glorification and deification of youth fuck you who make people feel bad for not having "achieved anything" in their 20s fuck you people who peaked in high school and try to drag everybody down by insisting it's all downhill after 19

#im not dedicating hours and days and weeks of my 20s of hard work on my mental health to cope w shit i went through #for some bitches on websites to tell me ill shrivel up and die when i hit 30 unless my life is perfect by then #youre not dragging me down to that mindset and i wont let your doom and gloom about turning older make me feel like shit !!#some of us have to rebuild ourselves from ground up and that shit takes time and thats FINE and if you think otherwise fuck off honestly #ageism is such a disgustingly overlooked aspect thats so ingrained in our culture and you need to recognise it #or you'll just feel worse and worse about yourself with every passing day bc guess what baby you cant go back!!#SICK of the negativity surrounding age on this website get yourself the fuck together honestly

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welcometogrouchland · 4 months

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[ID in alt text, transcripts for comics also found there!]

🎉🎇HAPPY NEW YEAR!🎇🎉

Sure was a year...This is just me taking the end of year opportunity to post the various DC comics doodles that have been gathering dust in my files! Disclaimer that I'm a heathen who mostly reads batfam comics (and also a lot of. Sidekick-y stuff? Like YJ98) and these are all for fun! (Image #3 is a direct adaptation of this text post I made)

#dc comics #dc #cassandra cain #damian wayne #roy harper #lian harper #cassie sandsmark #maya ducard #flatline dc #kathy branden #...im hesitant to tag steph bc i feel like everytime i tag her the post refuses to show in her tag #stephanie brown #anyway yeah uhhh recently bought the yj98 omnibus (IT'S FUCKING HUGE) so that's why cassie redesign #years and years ago i posted a draft of a cassie redesign that's like. similar to what i have but i vastly prefer this version #OH!#i forgot to tag stephcass :(#whoopsie #but yeah i did a lot of steph reading this year (STILL SO MUCH TO DO) and ouughh boy. she's had her claws in my brain ever since #damian and dick are there. nough said #<- I'm extremely mentally ill about them there's just still a lot for me to read. i have nightwing rebirth with them! and some early b&r 09 #also robin 2021 issue. 4? i wanna say? the one where dick gives damian his bday present. makes me cry like a pressure washer #also I'm so sorry if I've somehow managed to (in my extremely limited presentation of them) present roy and lian as ooc in anyway #I've only read arsenal 1998 bc it was a mini. hit or miss but it did imprint a love of roy and lian on me #I'm only semi following the current green arrow run rn mostly for those 2 #(also sidenote the guy who writes current GA is ALSO writing B&R AND SUPERMAN??? AND A G.I JOE COMIC????-#-girl say what you want about his work it's a miracle any of it is comprehensible at all w/ all those titles going on)#(he said he's not sure how long he'll stay on GA tho. I'm also low-key not sure how long he'll stay on B&R-#-though i imagine it'll be at least a years worth bc he said that's how much notes he has for plot? also idk if many other writers at dc-#-are interested in damian rn especially next to Bruce)#HOO this got away from me I'm outta tags. uhhhh see u guys in 2014! woo!

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sixoclockuty · 25 days

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the nuances of being alive when you aren’t meant to be

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honeypleasejustkillme · 11 months

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mom can u come pick me up my brain is telling me no one wants me here

#actually bpd #actually mentally ill #bpd shitposting #actually borderline #bpd vent #bpd favorite person #bpd mood #bpd problems #bpd #bpd fp #it’s so annoying #my brain loves to make me feel like shit #i hate it i hate it i hate it

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obsob · 2 years

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hgrng...thinking of love

#mine #original #yes i realise i keep posting felttip cats but. they are fun #my sketchbook is just felt tip cats. almost exclusively #ive had a DAY. some how spent 3 hours sitting at my laptop and achieved nothing #trying to find answers to technical problems. i once had 20 tabs open and i was like okay i should like. have lunch #also my mum kept talkin abt my childhood n i was like. almost completely dissociating..mental illness >:)#i have headache >:(#but now is weekend...hehe.....its gna be warm tomorrow im going to read my book #i would LIKE to finish it....maybe i will....can i read 300 pages in one day mm maybe not #i feel like this book is gna end in tears. hmm.#okay im going to bed now goodnight!#going to play rainworld hehehhehehe #song rec of the day is bible belt my dry the river #song rec is also the NEW mcr song. hohfhbgdfgk

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vroomvroomwee · 9 months

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Does anyone else feel lonesome?

Not lonely. Not alone. Just... lonesome. Like you don't feel connected to anyone. Like you never feel that you will find anyone that understands you, that will see you truly, let alone someone who will even like you. You see friends everywhere, but you don't see yourself in their place, like that is not for you, like you're not made for that and that's not made for you. You see people having fun and laughing and dancing and getting drunk and falling in love and you just... don't feel that for yourself. Like you're not supposed to have that, like you can't because it's not for you and you're not for it.

Like you're supposed to be seeing all these beautiful things in the world but not experience them yourself. Like you want to experience so much, experience everything, but be overwhelmed by it so you don't do any of it.

Like you want to be everywhere and do everything, but you don't belong anywhere and can't do anything. Like you're not supposed to be here. Not in a self-deprecating way but in an incongruous way. You want to live you want to be alive, but you feel you're not supposed to be. Not here at least, not like this. Just a presence in the world, not an active member of it. Even your body doesn't feel like home, your face isn't a face you recognise, like you're not supposed to have either. Like you're just supposed to be.

Like you're supposed to observe, but not experience.

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