Unacceptable (j.h)
a/n: requested! Thanks for the request hon. I’m not sure how I feel about how this turned out. But I have three more requests, but if anyone wants anything please ask. I’m not afraid to take a stab at things.
Warnings: indications of self harm and scars, mentions of anxiety, anger?, coping mechanisms
Enjoy
“You ready babe?” Jack wrapped his arms around you, placing his chin on your shoulder. You had been looking at yourself in the mirror for a while now staring at the flaws that adorned your arms and legs. Many of them had faded over the years, some covered up with butterfly tattoos, yet the more prominent ones were still visible. Especially in the summer sun.
“Do you think they’ll notice?” You thought out loud, completely ignoring your boyfriend’s question. You normally didn’t care what people thought of the marks, but this was Jack’s family who would be seeing them for the first time. Their opinions of you mattered more than they should.
“No. don’t think they will. And if they do, you don’t have to say anything, it’s none of their business.” Jack traced over one of the butterflies on your forearm, trying to reassure you that you had nothing to worry about. Typically any soft touch like that over the tattoo was comfort for you. After all that’s one of the reasons you got them. But today the simple gesture wasn’t helping soothe your anxieties. Maybe you should bring along some clothing that covers the imperfections a little more. You didn’t want Jack’s family to feel uncomfortable around when they were just trying to get to know you better.
“Hey. Deep breaths. Five,” Jack turned you around to face him. You nod and start to list five things you could see around you.
The bathroom door, blue and white tiles on the floor, your makeup spread around the sink, the shower, towels piling up on the floor.
“Good. Four.” The cold tile on the floor, Jack’s hands, your clothing, the fly that just landed on your shoulder.
“Three.” Jack’s calm voice, the beat of his heart, his brother’s laughing about something in the distance.
“Two” The smell of home on your clothing, a bottle of Jack’s cologne sitting on the counter
“Almost there, One” You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath. The taste of your chapstick on your lips.
“Everything will be alright. We’ll put another pair of clothing in your bag, if you need them.” Your boyfriend spoke in a soft quiet voice, trying to bargain with the anxiety swirling around in your mind.
Everything will be alright. They’re not going to care and the four of you are going to have a great day. You kept repeating to yourself as Jack took your hand in his, rubbing his thumb over your knuckles.. Who cares what they think anyways, you’re not that person anymore. You are better in a lot of ways. Of course you had your days where nothing was going right and you would have a bit of a meltdown. But Jack was always there to help you through it.
“Oh my god. What is taking you guys so long?” Luke barged into the room. He had lost at rock paper scissors and was sent by Quinn to retrieve the couple. He must have spooked the couple, they had a look on their faces like they had just been caught doing something they shouldn’t have been, but at the same they weren’t doing anything. “Am I interrupting something?”
“Yes you are. Y/N was just about to give me a makeover.” Jack thought on feet, grabbing one of your eyeshadow palettes. “What color do you think I should use Y/N?”
“Hhmm. Red. Definitely red.” You laughed, grabbing a brush and the makeup back from Jack. “Do you want in on this action Lukey?”
Luke was at a loss for words as you could feel his gaze moving up and from your arms to your thighs. Your smile left your face as you Instinctively you try to pull down your non-existent sleeves. Panicking, you look to Jack who gives you an encouraging little nod. Breath. Everything will be okay.
The rest of the day went rather smoothly in your mind but there were times that were more awkward. Luke must have mentioned something about the marks on your body to the rest of his family because when you were lounging in the sun you could feel their stares, and every now and then quiet whispers could be heard as well. Some were just in your head, others were spoken out loud barely audible between Jack’s brothers. It was hard trying to ignore everything and make the most of the trip with your boyfriend. Everything came to head at fire that night.
You were is the house with Ellen and Jack was outside with the boys.
“Honey, you know there is help out there.” Ellen mentioned nonchalantly as you helped her finish cleaning up from dinner. You were almost done when the comment caught you off guard.
Words escaped you as you couldn’t figure a way to tell her that you did get help. You were recovering. A pit of shame formed in your stomach as you shut down. A million thought ran in and out your brain as she continued to lecture you about getting help. It was getting too much to handle. You tried to remember to breath. But breaths kept escaping and not coming back in return. You needed to get away from here.
“Y/N? Where are you going?” You walked away from her to the room that you shared with Jack. Locking the door behind you, you started to panic again. The looks, the words, the anxiety, the mistakes, it was all coming back to you, You needed to find some sort of release. The answer you were looking for was in a bag in the bathroom.
“So what’s the story with Y/N’s scars?” Luke blurted out when he thought Y/N was far enough away from the fire.
“What the actual fuck is wrong with you?” Jack nearly shouted at his little brother. He was always a pretty calm person, but when it came to Y/N he was a bit more over protective. He knew what she went through and wanted to make her safe from the scrutiny of other people, especially those in his own family.
“It's just a question Jack, calm down. I want to know too.” Quinn wanted to diffuse the scene but was curious himself. He was surprised that Luke had the gumption to do so. “The butterfly tats have something to do with it, right?”
“It’s not my story to tell. And Y/N doesn’t have to tell you guys anything.” Jack wanted so badly in that moment to hit his brothers like he used to when he was younger, but with his dad there it would probably cause more problems than solve any. They had been acting weird all day around his girlfriend, like she was possibly going to break at the slight notion. He was sick of it.
“The way you have been treating her all day is unacceptable. Don’t think she hasn’t seen the staring and heard the whispers. She notices things, she’s not stupid.” If he noticed how his family was treating you, then you definitely did. It wasn’t okay. “You guys have been judging her before you even got to know her.”
“Mom, where's Y/N? I thought she was with you.” Jack furrowed his brows when his mother arrived at the scene without you. His mother shrugged not wanting to talk about the little conversation she had been trying to have with you before you wandered away. “Mom, what did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything! She just walked away. I tried to tell her about different ways she could maybe get some help. And she left me standing there.” Ellen caved and told what she had been lecturing you about.
“What have you done?” He knew you didn’t like what people confronted you about your past problems, especially when you were on your own path of recovery, He could only imagine how this could have set you back. He needed to get to you, make sure you are okay.
Jack raced back to the house to find the door to the bedroom locked. Sniffles could be heard from behind the door. Fuck. What was going on? “Y/N? Babes? Can you open the door?” He asked calmly.
It took you a minute to get over there. At first you didn’t want to. You wanted to be alone. But you figured if you wanted to leave this place, you would need a getaway driver.
“Are you okay?”
“No.” You lifted your red wrist to reveal the hairbinder that you had been snapping against your wrist. It was red and sore, but it was better than certain things you could be doing. “Can we leave now? I don’t want to be here anymore.” Jack agreed with you, maybe sometime away from his family until they could figure out how to behave correctly was needed.
Please let me know what y’all think. Also if you have any thoughts, comments, or complaints. I’d like to know ‘em!
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