#This pain is nothing new and a smile or shaky giggle is a tried and true bandaid

[gonemechaniic]

Hey, do you ever think about Cindy during the WoD years, with the pressures of brainstorming new ideas to keep the lights longer and probably keeping most of the remaining usable vehicles running yet at almost every turn, hearing about civilians or even hunters lost to the darkness coupled with the worry and constantly checking in with her last family member now and again but also still being at the garage where her deepest traumatizing fears are right in her backyard and between that and her occasional ( lbr, they're probably more frequent ) night terrors, sometimes everything becomes so much that at just random intervals she just breaks down crying?

... well I just did 🙃

Edit to add a wall of tags

#⚙ ; 𝐎𝐎𝐂 :: The salt queen cometh! #But then ofc if caught she'll brush it off #give a light laugh and shake her head #even apologize for it #bc she wants to be the optimistic glue holding the broken popsicle house #This pain is nothing new and a smile or shaky giggle is a tried and true bandaid #'It's fine' and 'I'm ok really' are the neosporin #She has a job to do she has responsibilities #and she doesn't want anyone to worry over her #But you can bet with one really tight reassuring hug #it's all over and she's holding onto them for dear life trying not to crumble #It's 11pm and I'm sobbing 🥲

[landosjpg]

champagne problems | ln

the one where your boyfriend asks you to marry him, but you’re not on the same page.

lando norris x fem!reader

word count: ~1.1k

warnings: if you know what the song is about i don’t think this needs any warnings… but basically rejected marriage proposal, heartbreak and falling out of love

note: part one of this blurb series i’m doing right now. not proofread & also (it has nothing to do with this but) OMG NEW TAYLOR ALBUM THIS APRIL I’M SO EXCITED!!!!

you took a deep, shaky breath the moment the door slammed shut and you were left alone in the hotel room lando had booked for the weekend.

the weekend getaway he was so excited about now ruined, and you were the only one to blame.

he had decided to book the first train back to monaco that very same night, not wanting to spend one single second next to you. and as much as it hurt you, you couldn’t really blame him.

not after breaking his heart the way you did.

he had planned everything in detail, made sure it was perfect. after a triple header, he had insisted you two needed a little vacation from all the noise of the city.

but what you didn’t know at that moment is that he had been planning that getaway for months, with only one purpose.

and that’s how you found yourself all alone in the hotel he had booked, with your thoughts suffocating you and nowhere to go. and you guessed lando was sitting with his pain, surrounded by sleeping strangers that had no idea about the aching pain in his heart; on his way to what you had once called your home.

୨୧

everything was right that very same morning.

you woke up late, wrapped in your boyfriend’s arms and nothing else mattered when he tenderly kissed your lips.

“i’m excited for today,” he whispered into your ear, making a shiver run down your spine.

he had told you his plan for the day a million times the previous night, and you weren’t sure why he was so excited about a simple date. but you didn’t think too much about it.

he’d had a tough couple of weeks, so maybe just the thought of having lunch with you somewhere by the sea was exciting enough for him.

and it was all going smoothly, just as he had planned.

you left the room with your hand in his and drove to the nice little restaurant with a pretty sea view. giggles and soft kisses were exchanged between the pasta and wine, and it was just perfect.

it was also perfect when, walking along the coast with your fingers intertwined, you found a lookout with the most beautiful sight of the city.

not that lando had planned that too, of course.

you dropped his hand and walked closer to the railing, admiring the breathtaking view in front of you. while he admired the view in front of him.

the skirt of your dress swayed in the breeze as his hand reached for his pocket. the ring his mum had gave him when he first told her his plans sitting patiently in the velvety box that his shaky fingers held.

he had dreamed about that moment a thousand times before, imagining every possible scenario.

but nothing could had prepared him for the expression on your face when you turned around and saw him in one knee.

you were speechless.

and he knew you well enough to know that it wasn’t a good kind of speechless. the shock on your face was clear, and his suspicions were confirmed when you tried to utter something, but nothing came out of your lips.

“love?” he cooed with a little smile, attempting to get you to say something.

he was trying to convince himself that he was just too nervous and most likely reading your silence wrong. but you could see the hurt in his eyes as he accepted your unspoken answer.

and you felt your heart break into pieces when he got on two knees and his free hand reached for your waist.

“please,” his voice was still low and gentle, hiding his true feelings.

he fucking begged, and you still couldn’t give him an answer.

not the answer he wanted, at least.

“i… i’m not ready,” you sighed after what felt like forever.

the walk back to the hotel was uncomfortably long. after your answer, he stood up and started walking away. you followed him, catching up to him and walking side by side in just a matter of minutes.

but your arms were now crossed under your chest, his hands on his pocket. it was nothing like a few hour before.

you felt like complete strangers, and with each step he could feel the love of his life slip further away. he knew by heart the speech he had repeated a million times in front of the mirror for when you said yes, but now he was left dazed, at a complete loss of words.

the silence broke as his phone rang in his pocket, and he quickly went to answer.

“how did it go?” you could overhear his mum’s excitement as he picked up.

“she said no,” he simply answered, his voice a murmur. and he sniffed, and that’s when you noticed that he had been crying all the way from the lookout. “can i call back later?”

he didn’t say another word as you got to the hotel, but neither did you. you checked your phone, only to find out that everyone was asking about it.

he had told everyone. and you weren’t brave enough to face the reality and break the news just yet.

you and lando had been dating since you two were just teenagers, and almost eight years later, marriage was clearly the next step.

you were made for each other, your friends and family were sure of that one thing; your relationship perfect to everyone’s eyes.

but you had never really considered the possibility of lando asking you to marry him. not so soon.

and when you saw him kneeling in front of you, it hit you.

lando was all you knew. you had grown together, and you had learned everything about love with him; the good and the bad. and maybe you had just grown used to the feeling. to him.

and perhaps it wasn’t that stirring feeling anymore, but just pure habit. you felt comfortable, so you stayed.

“why?” he asked in a whisper, loud enough for you to hear. lost in your own thoughts, you had no idea of how long the silence had been settled between you two.

you had curled yourself in the sofa in the corner of the room when you arrived, and lando was sitting in the edge of bed, teary eyes still looking at the ring.

“i don’t know,” was the only thing you could say.

you didn’t know what had happened, and you didn’t know when either. surely, you wouldn’t know why.

it just didn’t feel the same anymore.

“i’m going back tonight,” he sighed as he stood up and started packing his things back in his suitcase.

and you knew he was going back to your shared apartment, but it was no longer your home.

cause there was no more you.

#lando norris #lando norris fluff #lando norris smut #lando norris blurb #lando norris drabble #lando norris fanfic #lando norris imagine #lando norris x reader #lando norris x you #f1 x reader #ln4 imagine #ln4 x reader #ln4 fic

[duhnova]

brightest star in the night sky | choi seungcheol

synopsis. freshly widowed seungcheol has to tell his daughter that mommy isn’t coming back but she can always find her amongst the night sky. 

word count: 743

warning(s): angst, mentions of a funeral, set in a graveyard/ at a grave sight, loss of a parent (mother), mentions of death, crying. - don’t mind grammatical errors and typos (i quite literally wrote this will crying) 

this was very self indulgent for me as i got hit with a big wave of grief over the loss of my mother.. i lost her a long time ago so it’s nothing new but some nights are hard, especially when the stars are extra bright.. anyways i hope that others can find some solace in this work and just remember that you’re not alone and it’s ok to still grieve years (and decades) later - there is no bounds to getting over the loss of someone you love and care about.   

“papa.” the little girl squeezes seungcheols finger. 

“yes baby?” he tries to clear his throat as much as possible after sobbing his heart out. 

“is mommy coming back?” she looks down at the freshly dug patch of dirt, the reality and weight of what just happened not fully comprehending in her four year old mind.

“i don’t think so.” seungcheol sniffs, his eyes burning again with tears. 

“why not?” his daughter finally looks up at him. 

“well.. because she’s taking a nap.” he looks at her with his bloodshot eyes. 

“but you wake up from naps silly!” she smiles up at him, giggling quietly at what she assumed was a joke. 

“think of this one as a forever nap.” he gives her a pained smile. 

“what’s a forever nap?” her head tilts, giving her the air of an innocent puppy. 

“it’s when you don’t wake up.” seungcheol rips his eyes off his daughter to stare at where his wife laid six feet under: 

“so.. mommy is never waking up “ her voice trails off a little, something clicking in her mind that she’d never see her mother again. 

“i’m sorry baby.” his voice cracks as he swallows back a sob. 

“but why? why isn’t she waking up? what happened to her?” she sounded so confused, and hurt - about what? she couldn’t put her finger on it but all these unknown emotions were making tears fill up her eyes. 

“i don’t.. i don’t know how to answer any of your questions baby i’m sorry.” he finally broke, an onslaught of tears spilling out his eyes as he bites his lip to keep back all the ugly sounds he wanted to make. 

“i want mommy to wake up daddy.” a tear finally fell from her eyes. 

“i do too.” his breathing was shaky as forces out coherent answers. 

“why won’t she wake up? does she not want to be with us anymore?”her little voice shakes as more tears begin to fall. 

“no.. no baby, that’s not it.. mommy just wasn't feeling well and so she had to go away so she wouldn’t be in pain anymore.” seungcheol picked up his crying daughter, allowing her to cling to him as she expelled all her emotions. 

“but i.. want her..  to be here.. with us.” she hiccups in between her sobs, her little hands fisting in the fabric of his jacket as she tries to calm herself down enough to speak.  

“she’ll always be here baby, everywhere you go she’s there.. look in the flowers that bloom and the sun that shines.” he pushes her hair out of her face before wiping at the tears that wouldn’t stop. 

“what about.. at night?” she takes in a deep breath, finding comfort in the way seungcheol began to gently sway them, his own tears slowing down as he watched his daughter (that looked so much like her mother) work on managing her own. 

“she’s always there at night. just look up into the sky and the brightest star you see is her looking over you.” he sniffles before giving her a gentle smile. 

“if it twinkles, is that her saying hello?” she wipes at some of the tears that were working on staining his cheeks causing him to laugh quietly (and a little brokenly). 

“i think it is.” he smiles through his pain, his eyes still glassy from the tears that didn’t escape yet. 

“i’ll make sure to wave back at her then.” she snuggles quietly before leaning down to wipe her nose on his jacket, a louder and more solid laugh leaving him. 

“i think she’ll like that.” he wraps one of his arms around her back to hold her in a tight hug, whispering about how he’ll wave with her. 

“can we go to mommy’s favorite restaurant for dinner tonight?” she whispers into his shoulder.

“of course we can, baby.” seungcheol fights back another wave of tears as he wills himself to finally walk away from the grave. “we can go to all her favorite places if you want.” 

“i’d like that,” she mumbles before peeking over his shoulder, watching the dirt patch get smaller in the distance. “bye mommy.. see you tonight.” she whispers into the wind, waving her little hand gently. seungcheol could feel his body shake a little as he swallowed back his tears, promising himself he’d stay strong for the rest of the night so that his daughter had someone to rely on. 

#svthub #scoups angst #s.coups angst #seungcheol angst #seventeen angst #scoups imagines #s.coups imagines #seungcheol imagines #seventeen imagines

[giggly-squiggily]

I'm jumping from fandom to fandom this weekend like it's a game of hopscotch!

Anyway here's Wonderwall (Shin Soukoku)

@intheticklecloset >:3

CW: Foot tickles

Atsushi really should delete TikTok.

"You got a friend in me," He mouthed as he barrel rolled over to where Akutagawa sat, lost in his book. "You got a friend in me." He tucked his hand under his shirt, popping the lid of his sharpie off as quietly as possible- all while watching his boyfriend from the corner of his eye.

No reaction. Proceed as planned.

"When the road looks rough ahead," Atsushi army crawled closer, sharpie pointed as he reached out, gently grasping the other's ankle. "And you're miles and miles from your nice bed, you just remember what your old pal said."

He was wearing socks, but Atsushi didn't mind. If anything, it might spare him a painful death.

"Boy, you've got a friend in me." He let himself whisper the last few words as he pressed the sharpie into Akutagawa's foot. "Yeah you got a friend in me."

He managed to get one stroke.

"GAH!" The brunette spasmed, book flapping out of his hands and bookmark skittering across the table. "Weretiger, what the hell are you- AH!"

"Hold still!" Atsushi grunted, pulling Akutagawa's leg into an armlock as he scribbled in a massive "A" "It's gonna look all crooked!"

"What the hehehehell are you going on about- Stahhahap that!" Akutagawa tried to sound ferocious, but reluctant giggles bubbled up his lips, killing any staged anger he felt. He tried to pull his foot away, but the angle plus Atsushi's death grip on his leg made it near impossible. "I'll kihihihill you!"

"Uh-huh. Sure. You've said that how many times since we started dating?" Atsushi giggled, starting the "T" in his name. Yes the trend was supposed to say "Andy" but Akutagawa was his. He wasn't giving him to this Andy kid! "You're awfully giggly for someone so murderous right now- what's up?"

Akutagawa clamped his mouth shut, glaring as best he could into Atsushi's back. He was gonna kill him- oh he was gonna skin that damn tiger alive-

"Wereti-Eehehehehehhehahahaha!" So much for murdering him. Atsushi was currently scratching the marker repeatedly along his foot for the "S", the sock proving to be quite the challenge. "Cuuhuuhuhuht thahahhat ohoohohohohut! Gehahahhahaha stahahhahap!"

"Oo, are you ticklish?" Atsushi grinned, something devilishly knowing in that smile. "Toys don't laugh, Ryu~"

Akutagawa once again tried to clamp his mouth shut, but the constant scratching of that damn sharpie. "Rahahhahashoohohohmon!"

Nothing came.

"Didn't you leave your coat on the couch?" Atsushi reminded. Son of a-

"Ahehahahhahaha! Dehhehehehvil! Yohoohohohu dahahahahmn dehehehehvil!" Any efforts to grab the weretiger and yank him off failed immediately; each swish and scratch of his sharpie sent a new wave of ticklishness up his leg, spreading through his nervous system like a fever. He never felt so defenseless in his life! "Ahhahahhare you ahahahhamost dohoohohohne?"

"Nope! Halfway there!"

"Fohohohohoor gohoohohohd's sahhahake! It's sehehehehven leheheheht-EHEHEHEH!" The sharpie found a particularly bad spot along the base of his toes, earning an embarrassing squeak noise. "CHAHAHAN'T YOU SPEHEHEHELL?"

"Oi! Keep that up and I'll write my last name on your other foot! And that's-" Atsushi paused briefly, counting off his fingers. "...8 letters!"

"Yohoohohu had to coohount?"

"...." Atsushi shot him a side eye before wiggling a singer finger against the bad spot. Akutagawa squawked, nearly hitting his head on the coffee table.

"IHIHIHIM SOHOHOOHRRY! IHIHIHM SAHAHHAHARY STAHHAHAHP!" He pleaded, cheeks dusting a pretty shade of red and tears dotting his eyes. "AHAHAHTSUSHI!"

"Heh, okay okay." The weretiger released him, dropping his foot and recapping his marker with a proud nod. "Now everyone will know you're mine!"

"Ehehe..hehehe...ahahahs if thehehy doohohon't already..." Akutagawa sat up some, eyeing the shaky handwritten "Atsushi" along his socked foot. "You could have just asked."

Atsushi raised an eyebrow. Akutagawa flushed, wide eyed.

"The sock! For the sock! You could have asked for the sock- not the ti- the torture!" He quickened his reply, sinking back further with a glare as Atsushi started to grin once more. "It probably would have came out cleaner that way."

"Eh. This was more fun." Atsushi smiled, then suddenly looked towards the front door, eyes widening. "Oh my god."

"What is it?" Akutagawa followed his gaze, finding nothing.

"Andy's coming!" The weretiger exclaimed before tossing himself onto Akutagawa, knocking them both into the ground and going limp.

"W-Weretiger!" The brunette griped, halfheartedly shoving him off as he realized it was yet another joke. "Get off!"

No response came, only a muffled fit of giggles from the other. Akutagawa rolled his eyes as he flicked his boyfriend's messy bangs, getting comfortable. "You're lucky I'm...fond of you, weretiger. Even when you decide to replicate that clock app thing."

"Love you too, Ryu." Came a muffed reply, softening the other completely.

Thanks for reading!

#BSD #shin soukoku #atsushi nakajima #akutagawa ryuunosuke #tickle #tickle dabble #I was inspired akjrkejakjrejakr #I had a desire for lee!Aku and I ran with it #here you go :D #Now I must go work on other fics lols #and hit the hay #I'm sleepy #silly things happen when I'm brainrotting and sleepy #tw: foot tickles

[ichijager13]

We got used to us

Paring Eren x reader

Rating : general audiences.

Summary :  You knew you and Eren were bad for each other and that your relationship was unhealthy but that never helped breaking away from him.

Tags: Modern AU, aged-up characters, Angst, unhealthy relationship,

1,2 k words

AN: Guess who's back with a new selfship with Eren Jager story!!

This story is inspired by we got used to us by riverside. I hope you like it.

Everything was falling apart.

You knew that; you could feel him slip from between your fingers, and there was nothing you could do about it.

Unable to sleep, you rolled to your side and watched the man sleeping next to you. His chestnut hair had fallen from his manbun, covering half of his face while the other was buried in his pillow.

Though they were there, clear as day, somehow you never picked up the signs. Neither of you. Instead, you continued, you persevered into hurting one another. Not out of malice or ill intentions, you just thought that was how love worked. You just thought that was the way of the world. Young and foolish, both of you believed you were in love when, in fact, you were just being devoured by pain.

You met Eren four years ago at one of the fraternity parties near your campus. You were a freshman, and he was a senior. It all started with friendly flirting on the veranda while sharing a bottle of cheap wine. Those late-night drunken conversations soon turned into casual hookups and ended up becoming whatever was going on between the two of you.

You had always told yourself that you should’ve noticed that there was something wrong with you. You should’ve known you were bad for each other. You should’ve recognized the telltale signs. Like the time you baked muffins at three a.m. It was so romantic, but you fought the whole time, and ended up going to bed angry at each other. It would’ve been okay if it was something that occurred only once. But then there were other times—plenty of them. Like when you discussed the Higgs boson, or was it chain reactions? You couldn’t tell anymore. Though you knew you were supposed to learn from that conversation and not end up calling each other names and getting into yet another fight in the middle of the night.

You reached out a hesitant hand and pushed back his hair, wondering if this was the right way to love someone. If, in the middle of this chaos you had both created, there was room for happiness. You grazed his cheeks and jawline with the tip of your fingers, trying to find a solution to this dilemma. A way to fix what was broken and damaged.

You thought you were passionate, even though you couldn’t tell love bites from bruises anymore. They meant the same to both of you anyway. You thought it was you against the world, even though you never tried to tend to others wounds. You just continued blaming each other for whatever unhappiness you were dealing with. You thought you were meant to be together, even though all you could remember were the times he made you cry. Or the times you hurt his ego and broke his heart.

You screwed your eyes shut, trying to remember all the moments of intense and pure joy you had shared with him. way before jealousy and possessiveness became a part of your routine. Way before bitterness and disappointment tore you apart. With a broken smile, you recalled the slow dances in the middle of the night to old jazz. You would stand on his shoes with your bare feet and lovingly move across your living room. Those frantic drunken kisses you exchanged under the pouring rain. The lighthearted giggles, the dreams you shared, and the way you used to look at each other.

You took a deep, shaky breath, conjuring yourself to not burst into tears. To not let your weakness show. You begged your eyelids not to give in and let them stream down your crimson cheeks.

Afraid you might wake him up, you cautiously slipped out of bed and locked yourself in the bathroom.

You told yourself that you should’ve known you were a dysfunctional couple when ‘I love you’ became a way of marking territories instead of manifesting feelings. You should’ve known that you were toxic when your bed became a battlefield. When making love was a way to express your frustration and nothing more. You should’ve known that you were done when longing and enamored stares traded places with ones full of hatred and despise.

You let yourself fall to your knees, crying your heart out, crying all the things you would never be, all the happiness you would never experience, and all the hardships you were bound to endure. Pressing your forehead against the cold shower door, you give in to your inner demons and negative thoughts and feelings. You surrender and let the void consume you for good. You had always known that, despite all the odds, your soul was intertwined with his. That even if you tried, you wouldn’t be able to stay away. That you would be leaving half of your being with him if you ever chose to leave. You and Eren were drawn into each other, hypnotized by the darkness you both emitted. You knew that you were far too gone and that it was too late for you to save yourselves.

You kept repeating to yourself that you should’ve left earlier, but you were too addicted, too lost, and too broken to admit that your love had died long ago. That it wasn’t meant to survive and prosper. You were so used to it being poisonous that you thought this was the only possible way to love and be loved by him. You were too numb, too young, and too stubborn to end things. You were so used to you and whatever fragile equilibrium you managed to create over the years.

“But I love him and I need him,” you hiccupped.

The mere thought of not being able to caress his hair as soon as you woke up, not being able to breathe in his comforting scent, not being able to kiss him, and not being able to feel his arms wrapped around you made your heart shatter into millions of pieces.

You were still sobbing when you heard a light knock on the door.

“Is everything alright, love?” you heard him ask from behind the closed door, his voice filled with genuine concern.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you replied with a wobbly voice.

“No, you’re not. Open up,” he insisted.

“Just leave me alone, would you?” you shouted. “Why can’t you just leave me the fuck alone for once?”

“Because I promised to stick by your side and look after you. Now, open the damned fucking door.”

Your trembling hands reached out and unlocked the door. Unable to look him in the eyes, you brought your knees against your chest and hid your face.

“What’s wrong, love?” he asked, looping his arms around your shaken figure. He buried one of his hands in your hair, scratching your scalp gently. The contact of his skin against yours felt so wrong yet so soothing. The warmth radiating from his body eased your soul but made you want to throw up at the same time.

Not knowing what to do, you allowed yourself to melt under his touch. Nestling your face in the crook of his neck, you let his body tour over you. You let him hold you and share your burden. You let him in once again.

Everything was falling apart, but you knew there was no way out.

#eren x reader #eren jaeger #eren yeager #eren jaeger x reader #eren yeager x reader #eren yeager fanfiction #eren x you #eren angst #fic aot #aot fanfiction #aot fic #eren aot #eren snk #attack on titan eren #eren yeager x you #eren yeager x y/n #eren jeager x y/n #eren jeager x reader

[writerwrites]

It’s Meant to Feel That Way

Pairing: Andy Barber x Reader

Summary: Two strangers in a grocery store are brought together by a little boy determined to make them a family.

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: Fluff, Defending Jacob non-canon ending, brief mention of grief/child loss, brief mention of absentee parent 

A/N: *THIS IS NOW A MINI-SERIES* I’m trying to jump back into writing, so feedback is both very appreciated and very scary for my anxious self. Be gentle please. Also, don’t translate or post my work on other sites. | Playlist | Dividers by @firefly-graphics​

Series Masterlist  .  Complete Masterlist

“Daddy!” The excited cheer and the rapid scampering footsteps in Andy’s direction made him immediately tense. Nothing could prepare him for the smack of a little body into his legs or the tug of tiny hands on the hem of his suit jacket.

When he exhaled a long, slow breath and looked down, excited eyes stared up at him. His routine of grocery shopping late Thursday nights was now interrupted by a pajama-clad toddler. “Hey, pal. Where’s your mah?”

“Uppy?” The little boy’s big eyes now glimmered with tears, despite the big smile, and a familiar tug on his heart and he slipped his hands under the kid’s arms to scoop him up before he started wailing. Before Andy could ask his question again, the little boy’s small hands were on Andy’s beard giggling, “Daddy, you’re prickly!” Swallowing, he smiled a crooked smile as he noticed a familiarity in the coloring in the little boy’s irises, blue with hints of yellow-green near the pupils. Laurie used to say Jacob had sunflowers in his eyes. The thought of his ex-wife and their late son made him sniffle. This little guy in his arms quickly threw them around Andy’s neck, “Don’t cry, Daddy! I’m so happy you’re finally here.”

Andy patted the little boy on the back, exhaling a shaky breath before adjusting the kid’s weight and picking up his grocery basket, “Which way’s your mah?” Moving out of the aisle toward the checkout, he adjusted his Red Sox cap to get a better look down the deserted store. The closer he got to the front, Andy heard the panicked rambling of a woman. “I think I found what you’re looking for.”

Your head snapped so quickly at the sound of his deep voice that he thought you might be about to hit him. His step back made you immediately melt with relief and apologies as your gaze raked up his body. It wasn’t until you saw Andy’s face that you realized exactly what was happening. “I’m so sorry. C’mere, Bubba,” You tried to peel your son off the unsuspecting and gorgeous stranger but he nuzzled his face into the man’s neck and clung onto him tighter. “This is all my fault. I’m really so sorry. C’mon, AJ.”

With a few gentle pats to the little boy’s back, Andy tried to coax him to let go. “I’m not sure what you’re apologizing for, but it’s okay. He’s a sweet little guy but…” Andy felt the steady, gentle breaths on his neck, “It’s late and he’s out like a light.”

He studied your face as a new pained look of anxiety settled there. “This is all my fault. He’s gotten really into superheroes and we were marathoning those Marvel movies. Ever since he started asking about his dad, I could only manage to tell him that he was off saving the world…” You swiped your hand almost angrily at the silent tear that fell down your cheek before continuing. “I didn’t think he’d connect that to his dad, but I think you kind of look like… We just watched Infinity War.” Andy’s eyebrows knit together with confusion, still not sure what she meant. “It’s why we’re even here this late. I should’ve known it was too scary for him. He hasn’t slept since his nap yesterday afternoon. I was trying to find those melatonin gummies.”

“Look, it’s okay, really. I’m pretty much done, let’s go find that and maybe the longer he’s out he’ll actually stay asleep and you won’t need to use it.” Andy offered an empathetic smile and nodded toward the aisle the little guy must have ran from. “My son wasn’t easy to get down at night. I wish it could’ve been as simple as a gummy or carrying him around for a few minutes.”

Your eyes lit up for a moment at the mention that he’d been in your shoes, but when you looked at him you saw how set his jaw was, clearly not wanting to talk about his family. Instead you focused on how this man’s broad hand kept gently rubbing your son’s back, your own trick to hush him to sleep. Swallowing, you moved and kept your eyes on the items on the shelves, walking slowly through rows of vitamins and generic medicine. “His dad’s in the military. I don’t actually know anything else about him, not really. Child support comes in, but he’s not interested in a relationship with him. One mistake changed my whole life, but at least it was a change for the better. I know, all too well, that most people’s mistakes cost them everything.”

Andy wondered if this was your way of telling him that you knew who he was or about the case. Initially, after the crash when both Laurie and Jacob were in the hospital he’d left the practice. After Jacob passed and Laurie divorced him he needed the familiarity and, frankly, a job that could take up as much time as he was willing to let it. It was part of the reason he grocery shopped so late, coming straight from work while also avoiding anyone that could possibly recognize him. He’d been studying your face, waiting for some sort of recognition and instead found a tired young woman that lit up at the sight of melatonin gummies. “I think you might not need it tonight. I just have a few more things to grab, if you don’t mind, and then I can help put him in his car seat.”

“You really don’t have to do that.”

“It’s kind of comforting, honestly. My son, he’s gone and his mother and I aren’t…” Andy trailed off, lowering his gaze to the groceries in the basket he was lugging around. Her eyes moved from the sadness in his eyes to the way AJ clung to him- even in his sleep, and then to the basket full of freezer food.

“Let’s get your groceries, but I’m going to have to insist that you let me pay you back with a real dinner.” Andy couldn’t remember the last time he had a home cooked meal. It wasn’t that he couldn’t cook, but Laurie had done it before and on the rare times he did it was for a family of three with the intent of both Laurie and himself having leftovers for work the next day. His mouth bobbed open to protest, maybe to mention the hour or to ask for a rain check that he’d never fulfill, but you were faster. “I said, I insist.”

Your smile was warm and bright, even though you really did look exhausted. With a nod and a smile that mirrored yours the pair of you walked through the store, fairly quiet aside from your humming of the song playing overhead. He grabbed some more overly processed chronic bachelor foods and you picked up a few more things to make him dinner before checking out. By the time your son was buckled into the car, you realized just how crazy inviting a nameless stranger you just let carry your kid around the grocery store. As if he was reading your mind, the man gently shut the door and opened yours, “I’m Andy, by the way. Andrew Barber, technically, but no one ever calls me that.”

With a look of surprise you glanced into the back seat, “That little guy is Andrew, too. Andrew Joyner, but I’ve always called him AJ.” You gave him your name and address, noticing how he’d been a little distracted by your sleeping son as you spoke. Though you’d never seen AJ’s father with AJ, you’d always hoped that he’d look at AJ like that, like the world started and stopped with those eyes. It was at that moment, Andy took off his ball cap and you really saw his eyes and just how similar the color was to your son’s, his only trait he shared with his father. “Want me to wait so you can follow us?” He shook his head and smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. With a nod, you made your way home and tried to pull yourself together by mentally walking through the steps of the meal you were about to make.

Andy pulled in just a few short moments after you and he was quick to shuffle around to help, “I got him. Why don’t you get the door?” His thoughtfulness was jarring and you couldn’t help but recall the few dates you’d been on since AJ was born. Men never opened doors anymore, several ‘forgot their wallet’ on expensive dates, and the few that made it long enough for you to mention AJ ghosted. “Your home is beautiful.” His eyes moved around the open concept of your small two story home, seemingly ignoring the toys strewn across the living room and the basket of laundry with your panties on top right by the open laundry room door. Instead he stopped at the wall by the door, covered in pictures of your family. “Wow, he looks like he’s the happiest little guy in the world.”

You took the opportunity to pick up a few things as you moved further into the house. “He’s always been super easy. Honestly, today was the first real heart attack he’s given me.”

Andy’s eyes found yours in every picture, too. The lawyer couldn’t help but notice that you were always so happy with AJ in your arms and a little lost when alone, but you’d turned a corner now and he couldn’t see you, only hear the cautious clang of pots being gently pulled down. “What is it you do, if you don’t mind my asking?” Andy sat at one of the stools on the kitchen island, a little relieved that you hadn’t led him straight to AJ’s room to put him down because he found comfort in those small arms sleep-hugging him as he patted his back. “I’m a lawyer, if I didn’t mention that.”

“Fancy!” You chuckled softly, wiggling your shoulders a little as you looked back at him from the sink where you filled a pot with water. “I’m a freelance graphic designer.” After the pot was on the stove, you pointed to a door off of the living room behind him. “I get to work from home and as much as I want or need to. Mostly, I’m with him all day and work at night after he goes to bed.”

“Is that what you always wanted to do?” Andy had so many questions he wanted to ask you, but the ones that seemed to come out were so surface level. His eyes fell to the little boy asleep in his arms and, as if he felt Andy’s heart stutter and swell, he stirred, just a little. AJ’s face nuzzled further into the corner of Andy’s neck, his little nose twitching at the tickle of his beard. Rocking his hips with the swivel of the chair, the corner of Andy’s mouth turned up in a smile and, looking up when he realized you hadn’t answered, he caught you watching him. “Has he always been…”

“Easy to love?” Andy nodded and your smile grew. “I like to think so, but this is different. I think he chose you.” Biting your lip you turned around, not finishing your thought aloud. As you stirred the sauce into noodles, adding more seasoning and lowering the temperature, you let out a slow sigh and then answered his question. “I was that kid that never knew what they wanted to be, head always in the clouds, and I think that creativity helped me be successful in this job. I just helped a few friends here and there, word of mouth helped my clientele expand, and bit by bit I established something successful. I really do love it, but I might not love it so much if it wasn’t for the fact that it lets me do what I really want to do every day.”

It was obvious Andy had been listening to you intently. His hand had paused on AJ’s back, his rocking back and forth had slowed and a small creased line formed between his eyebrows as if he was about to ask another question, but instead asked, “Should we get him to bed while it’s simmering?”

With a nod and a soft smile, you couldn’t help but wonder what he wasn’t saying. Nevertheless, you led him to the stairs. Andy followed you slowly, stopping as he looked at the art and pictures on the walls before he made it to the top. There were three doors and the one straight ahead was open to a duck themed bathroom that dizzied Andy with the sweet floral scent of your perfume. Turning left to follow you into a blue-green bedroom, he took in the simple space with a small bookshelf stuffed with books, a spaceship bed with Finding Nemo blankets and a stuffed giraffe, and the various toys strewn about the room were just as diverse. Overall, it was mostly empty and he could see the little guy growing up in that house, finding himself. For a moment sadness washed over Andy’s expression and you wanted to reach out and hug him, certain he was probably thinking about his own boy’s room. Instead, you stepped aside and picked up toys, watching Andy tuck AJ in out of the corner of your eye. “I’m amazed he let you go.”

A soft chuckle, weighted with sadness, quietly passed his lips as the man stood back up to his full height and gazed down at your son. There was an obvious tenderness to that look, longing. Before he turned and headed out of the bedroom, Andy faintly whispered, “Sweet dreams, Bubba.”

You smiled at him, aware he’d used your nickname for your son, before following him down to the kitchen after cracking AJ’s door. Andy watched you walk down the stairs and you couldn’t help but feel aware of what you looked like after a long day of chasing your boy around. Your fingertips toyed with the hem of your jeans as you used every ounce of restraint to stop yourself from fidgeting with your hair or staring at how long and lean the attractive lawyer looked perched on the stool waiting for you. Instead, you headed straight to the cabinet and pulled down a shallow plate to serve up, “Spaghetti pomodoro was one of the first things I learned how to cook. Would you like something to drink? I usually have mine with white wine, but I have beer, water, orange juice, and apple juice.”

“I’ll have it like you do, but just a little since I’m driving.” Andy looked down at the plate and back at you, had you been looking you might have noticed the way questions seemed to dance across his face again. “It smells amazing. Thank you, you really didn’t have to.”

“I know, but I wanted to.”

You cleaned the dishes while he ate, both of you periodically asking each other questions or stealing glances. There were no uncomfortable silences, he didn’t irritate you with slurping or chomping, and he even offered to help you clean while praising your cooking. As the two of you walked to the door he held up the container of leftovers you gave him. “Thank you. I’m already looking forward to lunch tomorrow.”

Before you could stop yourself you asked, “But what about dinner?”

Andy turned on his heel and looked down at you, the porch light offering up a warm glow that was only highlighting his smile. “I would need to bring you back the container.”

“Then I guess you’ll just have to join us again. What time do you get off work?” After plans were made and numbers were exchanged you offered up a soft, “We’ll see you tomorrow and I promise I’ll talk to AJ about calling you Mr. Barb-”

“It’s fine, sweetheart. Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you tomorrow.” The lawyer was quick to cut you off, his nonchalance over what your son called him making your forehead wrinkle.

He leaned down and kissed your forehead, giving your shoulder a squeeze. Confused, all you could manage was a whispered, “Goodnight, Andy.”

The way that man looked back at you from the bottom of the stairs with an unpracticed, soft smile only to say, “G’night.” Well, you had a reason to toss and turn tonight.

A/N: The next part is partially written and I think I’d like to see what people thought about this story before I put more heart into it. I’ve just been gone so long that I’m not sure anyone’s even around. Hi, it’s me, your favorite flake 😂 

UPDATE: If you missed it at the top, I’ve added a Part 2!

Tags are open, just send an ask. You can also be asked to be taken off. I won’t get butthurt 💙 

All Content: @tom-hlover  @marvelouslytrekking @https-cali @saiyanprincessswanie  @velvetcardiganbucky  @caplanbuckybarnes  @traumschiffe @meetmeatyourworst 

Chris Evans Characters Content: @patzammit​ @drabblewithfrannybarnes​

#andy barber x you #andy barber x reader #andy barber fic #defending jacob au #defending jacob fanfiction #fic: andy barber #writer: writerwrites

[jensenismywholelife]

Unexpected

Pairing: Misha x Reader

Warnings: Fluff (kinda)

Summary: You were at the grocery store. Your 23-year-old self was trying to get food for the new apartment you just moved into. While you were shopping you ran into someone and everything that happened was so unexpected.

You just moved out of your parents house and into your new apartment. To say that you were happy was an understatement. Yeah sure you were gonna miss your parents, but your brothers..not so much. They never really made you feel like a good person. They never made you feel good about yourself in general and all they’d ever do is call you names and joked around, but sometimes the jokes would be taken to far. You’ve been put through so much because of them and you were just happy you could finally afford to get away from the pain.

You were dressed casually. Black ripped jeans, An AC/DC Hoodie, and sneakers. You were walking around with a basket in your hand looking for some food. You came across a section of noodles and the ones you really wanted were on the top shelf and you couldn't reach so you just bent down and got the ones on the bottom shelf, you would go get an employee later. You stood up and turned around quickly without even looking to see if anyone was there and ran right into someone.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry" You said. You picked up the noodles you had dropped when someone reached down to help. "It's fine, are you okay" A familiar voice said, putting a hand on your shoulder.

"Yeah I'm fine, are you?" You asked, looking up. That familiar voice was coming from Misha Collins. Misha fucking collins. "Yeah I'm okay, What's your name?" Misha asked. You took a big gulp and answered his question trying not to freak out. “(Y/n)" You said, your voice a little shaky, It felt like you were in a dream.

"(Y/n) nice to meet you, I'm Misha" Misha said. He put his hand out to shake yours and he smiled. You politely shook his hand and nodded "Y-yeah I know who you are, I'm a fan Supernatural" You said softly then looked down playing with your fingers, You didn’t know what do or say and you were more than nervous. "Oh, I think I greeted you the wrong way then" Misha said, shooting you another smile.

You were confused at first until you felt strong arms wrap around you, pulling you into a hug. You hugged him back hesitantly and you didn't want to let go, but you had to. You pulled away and let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. "So, who's your favorite?" Misha asked “And be honest” He playfully glared at you which made you chuckle a bit.

"Castiel and I'm not just saying that I swear. You're a great actor and I love him" You said and giggled. There was absolute no way you were really having a conversation with him, it felt so unreal. "Okay out of Jensen Jared and me, who is your favorite?" Misha asked, glaring playfully once again.

“You..” You said a bit shy

"You have amazing taste, do you wanna get a picture?" Misha asked, smiling.

You just nod and smile. You pulled out your phone to see that it's completely dead. "Dammit" You mumbled. You tried turning it on a couple times, but there was nothing, it was definitely dead.

"Something wrong?" Misha asked.

"No, it's just..my phones dead" You said.

"Well, I'm not letting you leave until you capture a moment with the most amazing person you've ever met" Misha said chuckling. He made you laugh and you really needed that, things had been rough and this right now is really something you needed.

"How am I gonna do that if my phone is dead?" You asked, chuckling a bit nervously.

"Let's take on my phone, just give me your number after and I'll send the photo to you" Misha said.

"Uh..are you sure? Really, a picture doesn’t mean more than the moment to me" You said softly.

"Yeah, of course, come on" Misha said.

"Yeah..alright" You said, smiling a bit.

Misha smiled and then pulled out his phone. He stretched his arm out and wrapped it around your shoulder. He took the picture, then he started to take a couple more. "Why do i feel like your more excited to see me than i am to see you" You asked, giggling.

"Because I love meeting my amazing fans" Misha said. “Really, getting to have moments like this with fans is amazing, really makes my day.” He smiled. You saw him run over to someone and ask them to take a photo of you two. The person took his phone and he ran back over to you. "Jump on my back" Misha said.

“What?” You chuckled.

"Just do it, come on" Misha said.

"I don't know if you'll be able to hold me" You said. You honestly couldn’t believe what was happening right now. How in the hell was he that comfortable with you? "Yes I will, I'm not that weak..come on (Y/n), for me?" Misha asked, no way were you denying that cute face of his.

"Fine" You said, giggling.

You jumped on Misha's back and he looked at you and smiled. "What?" You asked, smiling back at him. He was the most precious human being you had ever seen.

"Kiss my cheek" Misha said.

"What?" You asked. You wanted to, but you were a little shocked at how much he wanted you to do, you were only expecting a simple picture and him leaving. "Come on" Misha said.

You nodded and put your head down a little, your lips connected to his cheek. The photo was taken and you hopped off his back, he went to grab his phone and he came back to you. He was showing you the picture and a smile spread across your face, you were so happy. You were going to cherish this moment because it would probably be the last time you saw him. At least that's what you thought. You gave him your phone number and before he walked away you stopped him. "Misha?" You asked. He turned around and looked at you with a smile still planted on his face. "Yeah?" He asked.

“So uh..i can’t reach these noodles, would you mind grabbing them for me?” You chuckled nervously.

"Of course not" Misha said smiling.

He walked to the shelves and grabbed two boxes of noodles, handing them to you. You put them in your basket and thanked him. He gave you one last hug before he left and watched him walk away and that's when you broke into tears, that really just fucking happened, what the hell? You got everything else that you needed and paid. You went back to your apartment and unlocked the door and you put down your groceries then sat on the couch.

“This has literally been..the best day ever” You said to yourself. Then out of no where your phone went off and you got a message from an unknown number. You clicked on the message to see that it was the photos of you and Misha.

*Messages*

Misha- *Pictures*

(Y/n)- Hey, thanks. :)

Misha- No problem. What are you doing?

(Y/n)- Um sitting down. I was about to turn on a movie.

Misha- Oh. Mind if I join? ;)

(Y/n)- Oh um..really?

Misha- Yeah really. If I'm gonna be honest I was so glad when you said your phone was dead. It gave me an excuse to get your number. Your cute and I don't care if your a fan or not. You seem really nice and you're super cool, you didn't freak out. i’d like to really hangout sometime. 😁.

(Y/n)- Well..I wasn't expecting that

Misha- I know it was out of nowhere lol, but I do honestly want to hang out.

(Y/n)- Okay, I can give you my address?

Misha- Okay :)

(Y/n)- 21 Crawford Av. My apartment number is 220

Misha- Oh I don't live far from there. Give me about 15 minutes I'll text you later.

(Y/n)- Okay..see ya soon :)

*End Of Messages*

That was unexpected.

#misha collins #misha collins fanfiction #supernatural #spnfamily #jensen ackles #dean winchester #spnfandom #castiel #jared padalecki #sam winchester #winchester #misha collins edit #spn fanfic #fanfiction #stories #fanfic story

[allyouneedisbuck]

i’m begging for you (take my hand)

this fic has 18+ content! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. this is for your safety and mine! please respect that. 

by continuing to read you are stating that you are over eighteen and understand this content is not meant for minors.

summary // bucky doesn’t do love, you love bucky. being friends with benefits makes sense, right? [bucky barnes x female!reader]

words // 19.0k (BUCKLE UP IT’S A LONG ONE)

warnings // modern!bucky, fwb! trope, brief love triangle (steve x reader x bucky), overall toxicity, cursing, daddy issues (bucky’s dad left), drinking, excessive use of nicknames (sweetheart/sweets/baby), oral sex (f! receiving), penetrative sex, unsafe sex (do not have unprotected sex!), spitting, thigh riding, bucky has a metal arm but it’s not explained why (it was a car accident & that is already known by reader)

notes // title from willow by taylor swift (this fic was originally titled heartbeat and inspired by childish gambino’s song of the same name) i just could not get modern bucky not knowing how to deal with feelings out of my head & it became this catastrophe [ive never written 18+ before so pls be gentle in your judgement of those scenes omg] happy reading! 

if you enjoy this, reblogs & replies are greatly appreciated (especially when pieces take this much work)

》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《

“To Bucky Barnes, my now forever lawyer.” You hold out your wine glass and he meets you halfway in a cheers. Bucky laughs brightly as you praise him. “And now my sugar daddy, since he makes an insane amount of money as senior associate.” 

The two of you are halfway through your second bottle of wine. “I’ve been a lawyer for four years. I’m just now becoming your go-to?” He holds a hand to his chest in faux hurt. 

You lean towards him as you laugh. “I needed to make sure you were a good lawyer. Get me off murder charges good.” It feels like the two of you have been scooting closer to each other all night. 

“Sweetheart, you know I’d be there to help you hide the body if you needed me to.” He leans towards you in a conspiratorial whisper. Your eyes move from his eyes to his lips before snapping back up. “Then get you off the charges.” He breathes out. 

You can feel his breath on your face. The scent of red wine hits your noise and you can see it staining his lips. You want to kiss him so desperately, but you just can’t make the first move. You don’t think you could handle that rejection. 

“I’m gonna kiss you.” He says quietly, his eyes scanning over your face for any sign of rejection. You swallow thickly before nodding. “Okay.” You whisper back before letting out a nervous giggle. 

Bucky’s hand comes up to rest against your cheek. Its coldness relieves some of the heat that’s risen to underneath your skin from his proximity and the wine you’ve consumed. 

Your eyes slide shut as he leans in. His nose nudging against yours before you feel his lips. You bring your hand up to rest on his chest. His lips are softer than you expected and taste like the wine they’re stained with. It’s everything you’ve dreamed of when dreaming of kissing Bucky. 

He pulls away and looks at you with half lidded eyes. “You’re so pretty.” He mumbles. You feel heat crawl up the back of your neck at the honesty in his tone. He presses a kiss against your jaw. Then your neck. Your head falls to the side to allow him better access. 

It’s easy to move into his lap when his hands grip at your hips. “Fuck.” Bucky moans as you grind down against him. You throw your head back in a moan as his lips trail down from your jaw to your neck. 

“Shit.” You say breathlessly as his hands run up and down your sides. Your hands drop down and begin to work on his jeans button and zipper. Bucky lets out a groan when they brush against his already hard dick. 

You stand from his lap and he pulls his jeans off while you move to unbutton your top. As you work on the shirt, Bucky’s hands reach out to undo your own jeans. When you’re standing in nothing but underwear in front of him, Bucky isn’t doing anything but staring. The heat in his eyes makes you feel flush and goes straight to your core. “Fuck. You’re gorgeous.” He says quietly.

You crawl back into his lip and Bucky’s hands find you again immediately. You rub against him and both of you moan at the slight relief it offers. Bucky’s hand drifts down between you two and he begins to rub over your clothed clit.

You grind down on his hand and let out a whine. “More. More. Please.” You whisper. Bucky laughs softly at you before slipping his hand into your underwear and running a finger over your slit. “Oh my god.” Your head falls to rest on his shoulder.

“That’s it. You look so good like this, sweetheart.” He murmurs into your hair. The praise makes you moan as you grind down against him again desperate for more.

You pull back to look at him, one of your hands tangled in the hair at the back of his head. In a breathless tone you say, “Fuck me.”

Bucky groans. “Oh shit.” His hips buck up against you. “Yeah. Okay.” He pushes you off of his lap gently and moves to pull his briefs off. You follow suit and pull your underwear off.

“Come here.” He groans as he pulls you back over his lap. You giggle as he presses a flurry of kisses across your chest. He holds a hand out in front of you, “Spit.” He orders.

You glance at him in shock before following the order. His eyes roll back as he watches you before he moves to use the spit to lube himself up. “Fuck me. Please.” You whisper to him as he teases your entrance.

“Don’t have to ask me twice.” Bucky slips into you and you both let out loud moans. “Fuck. Fuck. You feel so good.” His forehead rests against your chest as both of you relish in the feeling for a moment. After a few seconds of shaky breathing, you yank at his hair gently so he’s forced to look at you again. A smirk spreads across his face at the feeling and you smile down at him, “Gonna fuck me? Or are we just sit here?” You tease. 

Bucky’s hands grip your hips tightly and he steadies his feet on the ground. “Yeah, sweets. ‘M gonna fuck you.”

》•

Your eyes focus in on Wanda as she waves a hand in front of your face. You can feel your body grow hot at the memory of Bucky and you. “What’s on your mind? You’ve been zoning out all night.” She laughs softly.

“Bucky and I had sex last night.” You blurt out, unable to keep it to yourself any longer. You swallow tightly when Wanda’s eyes brighten in excitement before confusion takes over.

She watches your face, like she can tell something was wrong, and doesn’t move to do anything for a second. When she does speak, it’s hesitant. “You’ve liked him since we were in school. Is this good or bad?”

You frown. She was right, you had liked Bucky since he had come barreling into your life senior year of college with bright eyes, mischievous smiles and maybe too many issues to ever be in a real relationship. You had sat through his flings and tried to move on with you own, but every guy had ended up being jealous of Bucky or too boring compared to him.

“He doesn’t-” You suck in a deep breath. “He doesn’t want a relationship.” You say quietly. You take another sip of your wine when Wanda reaches over with pity filled eyes and grabs a hold of your hand.

She shakes her head like she doesn’t understand what you’ve just said to her. “What do... What do you mean?” 

You run your hands over your face in despair. “I don’t... We had like two bottles of wine and we hooked up.” You look up at her with tearful eyes. “When I woke up this morning, he went on about how he loved me and he didn’t want to hurt me.” 

Wanda’s watching you with wide eyes. “Start from the beginning. What did he say? Are you sure he said he doesn’t want to be in a relationship?” She’s shaking her head in disbelief. 

You take a deep breath before launching into the story. 

His bed is empty when you wake up. Your stomach sinks as you stare at his bedroom door left ajar. You can hear him in the kitchen talking, but you can’t quite make out what he’s saying. 

You take a deep breath before getting up. You had hoped he would sleep in with you. That cuddling in the morning would lead to confessions of hidden feelings. Your hopes diminished as you creeped down the hallway towards the kitchen. 

“No.” Bucky sounds anxious as he talks into the phone. “I’m telling you. I fucked up.” You step in the kitchen and he glances over his shoulder with wide eyes. “I’ve got to go. Bye.” He hangs up abruptly and turns to you with a tense smile. 

You give him a small smile in return. “Morning.” You tug at the hem of his t-shirt nervously as he stares at you. “We should-”

“I wanted to-” The two of you laugh awkwardly as you speak over one another. You hold your hand towards him. “You go first.” You move to sit at one of counter’s barstools. 

Bucky’s watching you with wary eyes and if his words to whoever was on that phone weren’t warning enough, this new demeanor around you certainly is. “You’re my best friend.” He comes to stand directly across from you. “And I care about you a lot. You’re one of the most important women in my life. I don’t want to ruin our relationship.” 

You nod slowly as he attempts to reject you kindly. If it weren’t so painful, you might laugh at how awkward he looks. “It’s not...” You trail off unsure of what to say. “Bucky, it’s not that serious. We’re fine.” You reach your hand across the counter palm up for him to take. 

His brows furrow. “You’re not mad at me?” He asks in confusion. “I thought-”

You shake your fingers and he smiles before holding your hand tightly in his. “It was consensual. With a guy I trust with my life. And it was great sex. I’m not mad at you.” You smile reassuringly. 

It’s not a lie. Not at all. Everything you said was true, you had just left out the part where you had been hoping for more. But you could get over this. A one time fling. You could survive it as long as you didn’t lose him. 

“You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that.” Bucky’s shoulders relax. The tension on his face transforms into a cocky smirk. “Great sex?” 

“That’s...” Wanda trails off as she digests your words. “Why didn’t you tell him how you feel?” She asks. 

You look at her with wide eyes. “What do you mean why didn’t I tell him? Should we start with me overhearing him telling someone how much he fucked up or his rejection for dummies speech?” You laugh sarcastically. 

Wanda gives you apologetic eyes. “How can you be sure he was talking to the person on the phone about you?” You scrunch your nose up at her and she sighs. “Okay, whatever. At least now you know he doesn’t want a relationship! You can move on and find someone with a bigger dick.” 

“Wanda!” You can’t help but laugh. You give her an appreciative smile before letting out a sigh.  “I don’t know... I guess I just always thought we’d end up together. It’s stupid.”

You trace your finger around the base of your wine glass. Wanda watches you for a moment before flagging down a waitress. She looks at you with a twinkle in her eye. “Can I get a round of tequila shots, please?” She asks. 

The waitress nods before walking away. “We’re going to get you drunk and make you forget all about Bucky Barnes.” 

You laugh softly. “Yes please.” 

》

Four glasses of wine and two rounds of shots leaves you struggling to get the key into your apartment door’s lock. 

“Fuck.” You mutter when you push too hard and the keys clatter against the floor. You sigh deeply before bending down to pick them. You lay one palm flat against your door in an attempt to steady your shaky feet as the other reaches for your keys. 

Then you’re falling forward and your shoulder hits the floor harshly. “Jesus, sweetheart. I thought you were some weirdo trying to break in.” You groan as you look up and see Bucky staring down at you with furrowed brows. 

He’s wearing nothing but sweatpants, his metal arm and abs on full display for you. You give him a dopey smile. “Hey, handsome.” 

He laughs loudly. It’s bright and contagious and makes you giggle as he bends down to lift you to your feet. “Missed you tonight.” He says softly as he wraps his arm around your waist.

You allow yourself to rest your bodyweight on him, knowing he’s strong enough to lead you to your room. His soft words leave you feeling like you’re floating. It’s like the night before had never happened. 

“Missed you too.” You whisper. Your words are slurred, not that you can change that, but you know he understands them. He presses a kiss to your head in response as he leads you down the hall and into a room. 

The room is spinning around you, but you know it’s Bucky’s from the blank walls and dark furniture. Bucky sits you down on the edge of his bed and your fingers immediately grip his comforter tightly. “Why’d you bring me here?” Your grip is the only thing that keeps you from falling backwards onto his bed. 

You try to focus your eyes on him, but he’s moving around the room too fast. From what you think is his dresser then his closet. “I’ve got to make sure you don’t choke on your own vomit tonight.” 

“‘M not gonna get sick.” You mumble as he comes to a stop in front of you. He holds out a pile of clothes to you. “I have my own clothes in my own room.” You stare up at him defiantly. 

You can see Bucky push his tongue against the inside of his cheek, a tell that he was getting a little annoyed. “C’mon sweets. Just put the clothes on and get in bed.” 

He’s still holding the clothes out in front of you. His earlier rejection running through your mind. “I’m not having sex with you tonight.” You blurt out. You would have never said the words sober, but you didn’t want him to think it would become a recurring thing. 

Bucky laughs awkwardly and drops the clothes on the bed beside you. “I’m not trying to have sex with you. I’m trying to take care of you and make sure you don’t die in your sleep.” 

Your eyes narrow, but you feel far too dizzy to actually get up and move to your room to prove a point. You lift your arms and look up at Bucky, “Help?” 

He smiles victoriously and reaches for the hem of your shirt. You can see his eyes trail over your bralette and feel your cheeks warm, but you blame that on the alcohol. 

“Do you want to sleep in this?” He whispers as his fingers trail over one of the straps. You shiver as one of his cold fingers presses into your skin and leaves goosebumps in its wake. 

You bite down on your lip, but nod your head. “I’ll be fine in it.” 

He nods and you raise your arms again as he slips one of his black t-shirts onto you. It’s soft and smells like him leaving you warm all over and suddenly tired. Your head falls so your chin is resting against your chest. 

Bucky kneels down in front of you. “Is it okay if I take your jeans off? So I can put sweatpants on you?” He moves his head so you’re forced to make eye contact with him as his hands come to rest on your stomach. He fiddles with your jean’s button, but doesn’t move to actually undo it yet. 

You nod softly before falling backwards onto the bed. Bucky’s hands move quickly as he unbuttons and unzips your jeans. There’s a sharp inhale once he gets your jeans off, but you ignore it.  

“Sweetheart.” You lift your hips when you feel his sweatpants get stuck underneath you. “Thank you.” He says quietly.  

“What did you do tonight?” You mumble as you move around his bed to crawl under the comforter. You wait until he’s situated beside you before pulling the blanket up to cover the bottom half of your face. 

He pulls the blanket down and holds out a wipe. “You complain when I let you fall asleep with the makeup.” 

Your eyes flicker to his in brief shock, unaware of how much he actually listened to you. “Than...Thank you.” You begin to wipe it across your face. It’s not your normal routine, but it was better than nothing. “Tell me about your night.” 

Bucky moves so he’s sitting against his headboard. “I just waited for you all night.” He shrugs. 

You drop the wipe onto the side table. “Shut up. What did you really do?” You shove gently at his shoulder. Bucky’s hand wraps around your wrist and he pulls you into him. 

He’s stronger when you’re sober, so your drunk body falls into his side easily and you wrap an arm around his waist. “I’m telling you the truth, sweets. I just waited all night for you.” He presses a kiss to your temple. 

You look up from his chest to find him looking down at you with soft eyes. He’s being kind and you’re sure all that he can think of is how happy he is that your friendship hasn’t been ruined. 

But all you can think about is how no matter how soft he is with you, he still doesn’t want to be with you. No matter how much he says he loves you and misses you, it’s not the sam way you mean it. It leaves a crack in your heart that you’re unsure will ever be healed. 

》•

She’s pretty. You think bitterly as you watch from across the room. 

Bucky’s firm had a party every few months for donors. Bucky hated them. He always complained that schmoozing wasn’t his specialty, law was, so you were usually dragged along as his plus one to “Keep me from dying of boredom, please.” 

You usually didn’t mind. Bucky flirted for money, you got to enjoy to open bar to cope with his non-existent feelings for you. Tonight felt even worse. 

You force yourself to look away and look back down at the drink in front of you. You’re glad Wanda isn’t there to look at you with the same pity filled eyes that you had been getting since revealing the details of your hook up, but you wish you had someone to turn to. 

“You look great in that dress.” Your head whips up at the familiar voice. Steve is smiling at you sweetly and you can tell he’s keeping his eyes respectfully on yours. “Definitely your color.” 

You laugh. You and Steve weren’t particularly close, he was a childhood friend and you were college. The two of you really only spent time together in groups or with Bucky there. “Thank you, Mr. Rogers.” You tease. 

“Please.” He throws his head back in an over dramatic groan. “Steve! So many people have called me Mr. Rogers tonight I’m going to fall into an identity crisis.” 

You give him an ill-suppressed smile. “Thank you, Steve.” He sits down in the barstool next to you and waves the bartender over. 

“Water for me and…” He glances at the empty glass in front of you, “another glass of wine for her?” His voice ends in a question and he smiles brightly when you nod. 

“I could be wrong, but aren’t you supposed to be flirting with rich women to fund your pro bono cases?” You run a finger around the base of your glass. 

Steve’s eyes trail from your manicured nails up to your teasing smile. He swallows and forces out a soft laugh. “I’m not too good at the flirting that’s uh-.” He looks over his shoulder before looking back at you with kind eyes. 

You ignore his insinuation. Ignore the idea of Bucky and Steve feeling pity for you over Bucky. “Everyone deserves a break.” 

The man in front of you gives you a relieved smile. “And what better way to take a break than talk to a pretty girl?” 

You smile sweetly. “You could get 100k easily with that charm.” Steve throws his head back in a laugh and his arm lands on the back of your seat when he leans back in. 

You find yourself leaning in too. He’s got a nice laugh and sweet personality. You can feel the warmth radiating off of him and it’s relaxing. 

For a moment, Bucky is forgotten as Steve gives you all his attention, the first person to do so all night.

》•

Bucky stops to stand next to Sam as he takes a sip of his drink. His eyes scan over the party in search of you. 

“Good for Steve.” Sam says into his glass before taking a sip of his drink. Bucky’s eyes cut to him in question. Sam nods in front of him and Bucky’s eyes settle on you at the bar. With Steve. 

“What do you mean good for Steve?” Bucky asks. He can’t take his eyes off of you as Steve slides a glass of wine towards you. 

Sam shrugs nonchalantly. “He’s had a crush on her since that Halloween party last year.” 

Bucky’s mind drifts to you in your skin tight superhero costume. He wasn’t blind, he had seen the guys who had come up to you and their eyes that had trailed after you. 

“He hasn’t said anything to me.” He feels a surge of pride at the fact that he can’t explain when he thinks of how at the end of the night, you had come home alone with him, content to sit on the couch and watch horror movies. “He’s not her type.” He adds on after a moment of silence. 

Bucky isn’t too confident in his words though. Steve seemed to be the perfect kind of guy for you. Kind, funny, made good money, and was always the guy who listened with open ears. Bucky just couldn’t fathom you with anybody that… He doesn’t know, but he knows Steve doesn’t feel right.

Sam snorts. “Yeah. Try telling you about wanting to take her out? He’d rather live.” Bucky watches as Steve leans in closer to whisper something into your ear. 

He feels rage surge through him, but forces himself to stay in his spot. “Not like we’re dating. He could have told me if he wanted to. Or made a move.” He wasn’t sure why he felt so angry about you and Steve. It wasn’t like you two were dating, he hadn’t lied to Sam.

Sam looks at Bucky like he’s grown two heads. “Come on, Buck. Not dating? You call her all these nicknames, never let other people flirt with her, always take her home.” 

“We live together.” Bucky defends weakly. His mind drifts to kissing you while wine drunk. He shakes his head. “Of course I take her home.” 

Sam looks a little bemused as he asks, “Are you two seriously not dating?” 

“Of course not! She’s my best friend.” He glances at Sam before looking back over at Steve. You’re leaning in too. It’s not like he was lying, the two of you weren’t dating. But he had brought you as his date tonight and he’ll be damned if Steve weasels his way into your heart. 

“I was just cur-“ Bucky shoves his empty glass into Sam’s hand before beginning to make his way through the crowd towards you. 

He can vaguely hear Sam shout a goodbye, but all he can focus on is getting your attention onto him and off of Steve. 

》

You feel him before you see him. His hand trailing up your back before landing on the spot where your neck meets your shoulder. His grip isn’t tight, but it makes you shiver. 

“What’s going on here?” His voice is a possessive drawl and you look up at him with a confused smile. 

You sit up straighter and Steve immediately pulls away. His blue eyes follow Bucky’s arm to his face and they narrow. “Just keeping her company. Noticed you were busy, so…” Steve trails off with a shrug.

Bucky’s grip on you tightens. “Well, I’m here now. You can go back to schmoozing.” He nods his head in the direction of the party, but Steve doesn’t budge. 

You’re extremely confused by Bucky’s sudden possessiveness over your attention and turn to him with an annoyed glare. “Actually, Steve was telling me about how that’s your specialty. He’s far too sweet to mindlessly flirt. ” 

You feel Steve’s shocked gaze on you, because he had definitely not said that, but you don’t look away from Bucky. His glare melts into a sickly sweet smile as he turns to look at his childhood friend. “That so?” 

Part of you feels bad for pushing Steve into the middle of whatever this tension was between you and Bucky. But you can’t ignore the pleasure that rushes through you as Bucky’s grip tightens and his attention focuses solely on you for the first time all night. 

Steve looks back and forth between you two before he stands from his seat. “It was nice seeing you.” He leans down and presses a kiss to your cheek before slapping a hand against Bucky’s back. “See you later, punk.”

You swallow as Bucky moves to take Steve’s now unoccupied seat. He orders a drink and you can only watch in shock as moves around so casually. When he finally looks back at you he just looks confused by your silence. 

“What’s up?” He asks with a smile. 

You roll your eyes at him. “What was that?” You gesture in the direction Steve had gone before looking at him with wide eyes. 

Bucky looks down at his drink and shrugs. “Didn’t want anyone bothering you.” 

“Anyone bothering me? That was Steve!” You laugh incredulously. “I know Steve. You know Steve. He was keeping me company.” You can’t wrap your head around his random behavior. 

Bucky shakes his head like you’re the one who’s being confusing and acting weird. “You just looked a little uncomfortable. I came to your rescue.” He gulps down the rest of his drink. 

“My rescue?” You shake your head at him. “Buck, it was Steve. Steve Rogers is one of the most polite men in New York.” 

Bucky shakes his head. “He likes you. Sam said he was definitely trying to make a move on you.” He immediately feels bad for blurting out Steve’s secret, but he just can’t let it go. 

You scrunch your face up in confusion before letting out a breath. “That’s not your secret to tell.” You grab your clutch and stand up quickly. “Why would that even matter anyways?” You look down at him now, he’s still sitting on the barstool. He won’t look up at you.

“Can we just go home?” He asks quietly as he taps his fingers against the bar counter. You bite down on your lip before finally nodding. “Fine.” He lets out a sigh before standing to follow you. 

You’re shocked when you feel his fingers slip in between yours as the two of you walk towards the elevators. Holding hands with Bucky wasn’t new, per say, you’d done it at bars to get out of creepy guys flirting with you, amusement parks so as to not lose one another, but this… This felt different, softer and more insecure. 

You swallow before squeezing his hand in return. You hear the relieved breath he lets out as the two of you stop in front of the closed elevator doors. 

He whispers your name with a tug of your hand. You turn to look at him as the two of you step into the empty elevator. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean to screw things up with Steve. I just… I don’t know.” 

Your heart breaks a little. You weren’t sure what you expected. Maybe an admission of jealousy, that Bucky realized he didn't want you with Steve or any other guy, he wanted you with him. But the words never came and you feel stupid for letting your hopes get the best of you.

You shrug. “It’s fine, Buck.” The elevator is slow in its descent. You almost groan when you see how high you are and the fifteen floors left to go down. “I don’t like Steve… I just… It was nice to have some company. You were busy all night.” 

You try to hide the emotion in your voice, but Bucky can hear it. He can see it too, written on your face as you try to keep your eyes on the descending numbers. 

Your words cause a wave of relief to crash over him. You didn’t like Steve. You didn’t like Steve. He felt bad for his friend, but not bad enough to stop his next move.

He tugs at your hand again. The elevator is almost all the way down if you could just ignore him for a few more seconds-

His lips are on yours before you even have a chance to think about why he’s pulling you towards him. You’re still with shock, your hands clasped between you two, as Bucky kisses you. 

You don’t kiss back, too stunned to. Bucky pulls back when the elevator finally dings and you try to rush out only to be stopped when you realize you’re still attached to Bucky’s hand. 

“What the fuck was that?” You hiss. “You can’t just… Just flip out about Steve flirting, tell me you’re not jealous and then kiss me!” You yell.

Bucky swallows thickly and glances around the empty lobby. “I… It…”

You stare at him with lifted brows waiting for an explanation. “You need to figure your shit out, Buck. I said I was fine if you wanted it to be a one time thing but I’m not here for you to yank around.” 

“I’m not trying to yank you around!” Bucky defends. “I just… What if it wasn’t just a one time thing?” He asks quietly, his voice almost a whisper. 

You want to cry. “Wh...What?” You ask with a shake of your head. 

“I feel like such a dick.” He admits taking a hesitant step closer to you. When you don’t move away, he places a hand on your cheek. “Stuff with work has been so stressful lately and… and I never have the time or energy to do anything. The other night, with you, was the most relaxed I’ve been in a while.” 

“What are you saying?” 

“I’ve been thinking of us helping each other out.” 

“Like a friends with benefits thing?” You blurt out when you realize where he was going with this. 

He nods. “I just… Got to thinking after you left that morning. It was great sex, best I’ve had in a while.” You swallow and your eyes dart away a little embarrassed. “And I know you and don’t have to worry about you giving me some disease. We live together and we wouldn’t have to go out or wait for some random hook up.” 

You can’t really wrap your head around his words. “But you don’t want… You don’t want to have a relationship?” 

“You know me.” He laughs tensely. “Not a relationship guy. I love you, you’re my best friend, but-“

“That’s good.” Your blurt, already regretting the words. “I mean, I love you, you’re my best friend too, you know? Neither of us really have time for one anyways and… Life is stressful.” 

“You… You want to? Do the benefits thing?” Bucky looks like he can’t believe that you’re agreeing. Quite honestly, you can’t really believe the words coming out of your mouth either. 

Because you liked Bucky. You had for so long now it felt like it was a piece of you. You were sure you loved him. You were sure he didn’t feel the same way and this… This was a way to be with him, no matter how fucked up it may be. 

And life was stressful. A full time job with New York City rent and bills. You hated going out. You hate hook ups, they always left you disgruntled and disappointed. Bucky had… Bucky had been good. The best, probably. And it would be nice to have someone other than yourself every once in a while. 

“Yeah.” You whisper. “I… I want to. I’m kind of sick of my hand.” 

Bucky snorts then laughs and it immediately calms you down. He was still your Bucky. Just with the added bonus of sex. “Me too, sweets.” 

He presses a kiss to your forehead and pulls you into a hug. You suck in a deep breath. “I think you said something about going home.” You mumble into his suit jacket. 

“Yeah.” He whispers back, tilting your chin up to look up. He smirks down at you. “I did.” 

》

“Fuck. Fuck.” You moan as Bucky kisses down your chest. “Please, Buck.” You whimper when his right hand comes up and begins to play with your nipple. 

He doesn’t respond, his tongue flicking over your other nipple. You’re arching your back into him, it feels good, but you want more. His left hand is settled on your hip and you want it on you in a different way. 

You groan when he pulls away to look at you. “What do you want, sweetheart? You gotta tell me or I won’t be able to give it to you.” His tone is sweet, but he’s looking at you with blown pupils and a cocky smile. 

“Your fingers, Buck, please.” You try to lift your hips up a little, but his left hand keeps you pressed against his mattress. You look at him pleadingly when he still doesn’t move. “Please, James.” You murmur. 

You didn’t call him by his first name often, he had introduced himself as Bucky and you hadn’t even learned it until a few months later. Sometimes you pulled it out to tease him, but tonight… You wanted to see if it would push him. 

“Fuck.” He mutters, leaning over you and beginning to press a line of kisses down your stomach all the way to your pelvic bone. “Fuck, that’s hot. Say it again.” 

You throw your head back in a moan when his hand begins to rub you through your panties. “James. I need you to-“ 

“Gonna give you more than my fingers, sweets.” He hooks fingers in the waistband of your panties and yanks them down. “Finally gonna get a taste of you, if that’s okay.” He glances at you and you nod hastily.

“God. Yes, please.” Your eyes flutter shut as his hands force your thighs open. His grip on you is tight and harsh and makes your entire body tingle. 

“So pretty.” He murmurs just watching you. If you weren’t so turned on you would be embarrassed by his stare, but his words just make you even more desperate for him. He settles on his stomach, head between your thighs. He begins to bite and kiss his way up your inner thigh. “Been thinking about this since you let me fuck you, sweetheart.” He admits in a murmur before finally putting his mouth on you. “Thinking about how you taste.”

“Oh shit.” You moan, a combination of the pleasure of his tongue and his words giving you butterflies. “Yes. Fuck.” 

“Knew you’d taste good.” He moans, the words go straight to your core and he knows it. He knows what he’s doing. His hands gripping at your hips tightly, thumbs rubbing calming circles into your skin. He flicks his tongue over your sensitive spot and your back arches. “So good.” You murmur breathily. Your hands are clutching the bed sheets as you try to grind your hips up. 

Bucky pulls one hand away, it gives you a little more freedom to move but not much, and begins to tease you with a finger. 

“Yes. Please, your fingers.” You beg him. Bucky chuckles against you, sending hot breath and a small vibration straight to your core. It feels good, he’s good. 

He pulls away slightly and you whine. “Come on, sweets.” He urges, pushing his finger into you. You moan at the feeling. “What happened to calling me James? Said I liked it.” He adds another, your slick heat allowing them easily.

“James.” You look down at him with blown pupils. Bucky almost comes right there, his fingers inside of you, your chest heaving and you looking at him like that. “James. Please. Want your mouth on me again.” 

Now that you’ve started saying his name, it’s like you can’t stop. The name tumbles out of your mouth like a prayer. He rewards you for it though, his mouth is back on you, licking over you steadily, and you can feel the tension in your stomach the closer and closer you get. 

“So good.” Bucky murmurs into your skin. You moan out again. “Gonna come for me, sweetheart?” He pulls away to ask, his breath fanning across your skin. Your hips buck up towards him in desperation and Bucky groans. “Come on, sweets. Can you come for me? Please.” 

He curves his fingers and flicks his tongue over your already sensitive bud again and your back arches. “Fuck. Fuck.” You moan as your orgasm washes over you. Bucky works you through it and your legs are shaking by the time he pulls his mouth away to smile cheekily at you. 

“I like it when you call me James.” He whispers as he crawls up towards you. You roll you eyes with a tired smile. He fingers trace circles over you stomach. “You tired?”

You nod your head. Your eyes trail over his body, his hard dick making an obvious tent in his briefs. You smirk at him, your hand moving to trail down from his stomach to his dick. Bucky moans as your hand grips him. 

“Still want you to fuck me though.”

》•

Bucky thinks maybe the two of you should establish some ground rules. No dates, if you sleep with somebody else let the other know, use protection, don’t fall asleep together. 

But he can’t imagine the two of you not having your regular Sunday breakfasts together after his runs or forcing you out of his room when the two of you had shared beds long before this ever happened. 

So, he ignores it. He decides to enjoy your warmth in his bed and assumes you’re not seeing anybody else. It’s good. It works, even if his friends think he’s being an idiot. 

Steve is on one side while Sam is on his other and they’ve both been standing in silence now that Bucky has finished explaining what happened when the two of you left the party.

He feels bad when he sees Sam’s eyes flicker to Steve in confusion, but Steve’s face holds more pity than annoyance. It makes Bucky feel uncomfortable in his spot as he takes a sip of water.

“I don’t understand why you’re not calling her your girlfriend.” Steve finally says. 

Bucky rolls his shoulders with an annoyed sigh. “I just said. We’re both busy with work and friends, there’s no time for relationships. This works for the both of us. We don’t have to rely on shitty hookups and we trust each other.” 

Steve gives Bucky a look that screams you’re an idiot while Sam just laughs loudly. “You have to know how ridiculous that sounds, dude.” Sam slaps a hand against Bucky’s back. “You guys live together. You have all the time in the world to actually date each other. I thought you guys were dating each other with how you act. you’re having sex now and you still won’t call her your girlfriend?” He asks incredulously. 

“I...I don’t want a relationship. It leads to marriage and kids and fights.” Bucky shudders. “No thanks. This way I get great sex and my best friend.”

Steve sighs heavily. “She deserves better than that, Buck. You know that.” His voice is full of disappointment. The same tone Bucky has been getting for years when it came to his relationships. 

“Like you?” His tone is defensive and his words are meaner than they should be. Bucky knows all Steve wants is for his friends to be happy. “She’s a grown woman. She can decide who she wants to have sex with.” 

“Come on, Buck. You’re not an idiot. She’s had a crush on you for years.” Steve lets out an exasperated sigh. “This is a great way to drive her away and lose her for good.” 

“I’m not-”

“All,” Steve raises his voice to cut Bucky off, “I’m saying is she’ll figure out this isn’t what she wants and find someone who can give it to her. Then you’ll be left in the dust realizing what an idiot you were for letting your irrational fears talk you out of being with her.”

Bucky runs his tongue over his lips. “Who? Are you gonna steal her?” 

Steve rolls his eyes. “Will it be stealing when you’re the one who drives her away?”

》

His bed is empty when you wake up, but that’s no surprise, you knew Bucky ran Sunday mornings with the guys. You almost expect to feel more shame or pain over falling into this friends with benefits thing. But, you feel okay. Bucky was still your best friend. Just with mind-blowing sex. He didn’t kick you out at night and didn’t seem put off by you. 

Your phone vibrates somewhere in his room from the inside of your clutch. You groan and finally move to sit up. Bucky has picked your things up and folded everything into a neat pile on the top of his dresser. Your clutch is sitting on the top of the pile and you can see the vibrations of your phone shaking it slightly. 

You pick his shirt up from the floor and slide it on before reaching for your underwear underneath the clutch. 

When you pull your phone out you see a few missed calls from Wanda, one last night the one you’ve just missed. You crawl into Bucky’s bed again and call her back. 

“Hey!” You smile at Wanda’s voice. “I called you last night, but I forgot you had that lawyer thing.” You can imagine her nose scrunching up in disgust at the idea. 

You mess with a loose thread on the comforter. “Yeah. Buck dragged me along.” There’s silence on the other end. You sigh heavily. “Shit. Wanda. You’ll never guess what I did last night.” 

Your eyes take in the room. Bucky doesn’t have many decorations or knick knacks, but he has a couple pictures sitting on his nightstand. You move to his side of the bed and pick one of them up. 

“You go home together?” Wanda doesn’t need to guess, there’s a twinge of disappointment in her voice but all you can focus on is the sadness you hear. Like she’s just hurting for you at this point. 

You stare down at the photo in your hand. It’s from Bucky’s last birthday. “We live together.” You defect. The photo is the two of you sitting at your kitchen counter with two glasses of wine in front of you. The wine is red and you can faintly see it staining both of your lips. His arm is wrapped loosely around your waist and you’re pressing a kiss his cheek. The photo makes your heart ache. “You sleep in your room?” Wanda laughs. You drop the photo on the bed in front of you. “You’ve gotta tell him. Tell him how you feel, really.” She urges you. 

You’re shaking your head even though she can’t see you. “It’ll ruin everything.” You say quietly. Losing him would be worse than loving him like this. “We... We agreed on a benefits thing last night. I think it can work.” 

“That’s a great way to get hurt.” Wanda says. You glance at the other picture he has sitting on his nightstand. 

It’s a photo of him and Steve. The two of them are children standing with hands wrapped tightly around the straps of their backpacks and they’ve got bright smiles on their faces. You smile at the sight, both boys happy, carefree and full of life.

Bucky’s left arm is still flesh in the photograph. He doesn’t talk about the accident much, he had come out with one arm and a completely changed person. Sometimes you wonder if things would be different if it had never happened.

You hear the front door slam shut. “I’ve gotta go! I’ll talk to you later.” You hang up before Wanda can say anything else. You leave the picture frame sitting in the bed, moving quickly from Bucky’s room to your own. 

》•

Bucky’s bedroom door is open when he gets home, but you’re nowhere to be found. Your clothes still sit on his dresser and there’s a picture frame partially covered by his comforter that makes Bucky pause.

It’s his favorite picture of you two, wine stained lips and happiness radiating off of you. He wonders what had made you grab it and what had made you drop it. Steve’s words come to mind she’s had a crush on you for years. 

Bucky wasn’t an idiot. He had seen the nervous smiles and bright eyes in college, he had done everything he could to stay just friends with you and it had seemed to work. You had moved on. Boyfriends and flings had come and gone, your eyes had shifted into a caring stare and you stopped nervously fidgeting with your hands around him, so Bucky had assumed your crush went away. Even now there was nothing that really stood out as you liking him. It sounded like Steve was making assumptions to mess with Bucky’s head. And it was working.

He stares at the picture for another moment before placing it back on his nightstand. Bucky wasn’t afraid of relationships, Steve was wrong, he just hated how they ended. He wasn’t afraid of holding hands or expensive dates, he was afraid of the unavoidable hurt and falling out of love that would cause him to lose you.

He couldn’t lose you.

“Bucky?” Your voice jolts him from his thoughts and his head turns from the photo to you, standing in his doorway in nothing but his t-shirt and a pair shorts. “What should we order for lunch?”

Bucky lets out a deep breath before smiling up at you. “We should get some wraps from that cafe down the block.”

“That sounds good.” You smile. Your eyes move over him and Bucky has to look away. You’ve always been good at studying him and knowing if something was up. “Everything okay?”

Bucky shakes his head. “I’m just thinking.” He offers a tense smile that makes you step further into his room. Bucky’s eyes move from your bare feet up your legs to your face that’s watching him with concerned eyes.

“That can’t be good.” You tease as you take a seat next to him. You rest your head against his shoulder and Bucky feels a little calmer with you next to him. “What’s got you spacing out like that, Buck?” You ask gently.

“You’re not…” Bucky swallows thickly and looks down at his lap. “You’re not gonna leave me, right? This isn’t gonna fuck us up?”

He feels you tense against his side and begins to panic until your hand intwines with his. “Not if we promise not to let it fuck us up. You’re my best friend, Buck. I don’t wanna lose you either.”

“I promise.” Bucky squeezes your hand. “Do you?”

You squeeze his hand in return, but don’t say anything. Bucky takes the action as promise enough.

》•

Days turn into weeks which turn into months and suddenly it’s November, fall in New York becoming winter much sooner than expected. The cold bites at your cheeks and seeps into your bones. Bucky becomes your warmth despite the constant ache in your heart at what you really are to him. 

Bucky comes into your room or you sneak into his. You ignore the looks from your friends when you all go out and don’t heed to any of Wanda’s advice.

The lines are blurred to you, because it feels like you’re in a relationship. It’s almost like you’ve fallen into one naturally. It’s not just secret sex in the middle of the night. It’s all your normal things, reading together on Sundays and watching your favorite show together Saturday nights. Only now it’s started to include footsie and make-out sessions.

There are some nights the two of you go out, whether it to be to dinner or to see a new movie, and they feel like dates. Bucky never lets you pay and holds your hand in the theater.

You almost want to ask him Why. Why aren’t we official? Why can’t you call me your girlfriend? But you’re far too afraid. For every small gesture that feels like love, there are nights out with your friends where Bucky ignores your existence or awkward introductions to coworkers you run into at the movie theater. 

Life moves on though. Day by day. Even if feels like you’re on a train moving full steam ahead towards a wall and impact is inevitable. 

It’s nice to have a taste of what it could be like to have him. 

》•

It blows up on a Thursday night, at eight thirty-two pm, to be exact. 

Bucky didn’t feel like cooking, he was relieved when you had suggested going out to grab dinner, but now he just wishes the two of you had stayed home.

There’s a tense and awkward silence as the two of you walk home. You’re about ten feet in front of him and not talking at all, it honestly looks more like he’s some creep following you home at this point. If he weren’t so upset he would probably laugh at the scene. 

If Bucky had just kept his mouth shut.

“Oh my god.” You groan, slouching down in your seat and covering your face with your hands. “Fuck.”

Bucky looks between you and the entrance of the restaurant confused by your sudden annoyance. “What’s wrong?” He asks leaning towards you.

“I went to high school with that girl.” You whisper. “We were friends until I stole her boyfriend.” You roll your eyes.

Bucky chokes on his drink mid-sip. “You stole her boyfriend? Right on! I didn’t know you had that in you.” He laughs, completely shocked by the idea of a you in high school who steals guys when all he’s ever known is the sweet, loyal girl.

“I didn’t actually steal her boyfriend!” You hiss. Bucky notices the girl do a double take when her eyes catch on you. “He broke up with her and asked me to prom two weeks later so she assumed I stole him. She hated me and made the last few months of senior year absolute shit for me.” You explain slipping further into your seat before taking a heavy sip of wine.

“Incoming.” He chuckles as she makes a beeline for your table. You sit up ramrod straight when her hand lands on your shoulder and your name comes out in a fake giggle.

“Eliza.” Your smile is equally as fake as you stand up to offer her a quick hug. “How are you?” Bucky watches with amused eyes as Eliza launches into a story about her boyfriend, who’s watching the scene with bored eyes from across the restaurant.

He smiles awkwardly when the two of you turn to face him. “This is my boyfriend, Bucky.” You smile tightly at the woman and Bucky watches uncomfortably as she trails her eyes over him. “Really?” Eliza asks.

“Just friends, actually.” Bucky can’t stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth with an awkward laugh.

Your eyes narrow at him before they flicker away. Bucky watches in what feels like slow motion as your shoulders hunch in and you close yourself off, absolutely embarrassed as Eliza turns to you with a proud smirk. “Is that right?” Her tone is nasty and Bucky is filled with regret immediately, but there’s nothing he can do because you’re grabbing your purse and jacket and storming away.

Eliza smiles at him. “She’s always been one for the dramatics.” Bucky shakes his head as he pulls out some bills and leaves them on the table, moving the chase after you. “Thanks.” He says to the woman sarcastically as he pushes past her.

That had lead him here, trailing after you silently, as you fume from a distance. “Sweetheart, come on.” Bucky pleads. The words make you freeze and spin around to face him. 

Bucky stumbles backwards as you walk towards him with fury in your eyes and your finger pointed at him accusingly. “Don’t call me that.” 

“I’ve always called you sweetheart,” Bucky frowns. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I just-”

“You didn’t embarrass me, James.” Bucky flinches as you spit out his first name like it’s poison. “You humiliated me. Was it really that big a deal? That I introduced you as my boyfriend? Does the idea of dating me disgust you that much?” 

Bucky throws his hands out in front of him in a defensive gesture. “No! I just... We’re not dating. You know that!” He shakes his head. “I mean, dating you doesn’t disgust me... I just... You know?” 

You raise your eyebrows at him. “No. I don’t know.” You say coldly. “It’s not like we’re not dating. You have to see that.” 

“See what?” Bucky asks, completely exasperated. “We do everything we used to do and sometimes have sex.” 

“Oh my god!” Your laugh sounds manic as you pause and look up at the sky like you’re searching for an answer. “Have you ever thought that maybe we weren’t ever just friends, Bucky? That we didn’t act like normal best friends do?” You cross your arms and look back at him. 

Yes. Bucky thinks immediately. “No!” He swallows. “I’ve always seen you as my best friend! Never... Never...” He’s dug himself a deeper and deeper hole every time he’s opened his mouth, but this is the nail in his coffin. He says your name gently, but you’re already backing away, hurt all over your face. 

“I guess I read everything wrong then.” You say quietly. “These stupid dates and us falling asleep together at night. All the holding hands and cuddling, right?” Your voice is filled with wet emotion and Bucky is sure if it wasn’t so dark outside he would see tears brimming your eyes. “You do that with all your friends. I mean nothing.”

“That’s not what I said!” Bucky exclaims. “You know you’re one of the most important women in my life. Please. Don’t do this.” He pleads. 

“I’m done. Okay? This stupid benefits thing? These friend dates, Sunday mornings together, movies? Done with all of it.” You hiss. You suck in a deep breath, like you’re preparing to deliver the final blow. Bucky braces himself. “You wanna be just friends? I’ll do you one better, we can be just roommates. That way there’s no confusion.”

Bucky can only stand still, watching as you walk away. 

》

Wanda has a kind enough heart to not say I told you so, when you show on her doorstep with mascara running down your cheeks. She just pulls you inside by your arm and wraps her softest blanket around your shoulders. 

“What happened?” She places a cup of tea on her coffee table in front of you. You can vaguely hear Vision trying to move around in the kitchen as quietly as possible. There’s an unspoken question that lingers in the air. What did Bucky do?

You sniffle. “We ran into Eliza tonight.” Wanda’s eyes widen and you nod. “I… I introduced Bucky as my boyfriend. It just slipped out, but he totally panicked and corrected me right to her face. I was so humiliated, I bolted.”

Wanda takes the seat beside you on the couch. “That’s awful. I can’t believe that idiot,” she hisses the word, “couldn’t put aside his dumb fears for five seconds and just have your back.”

You rub your eyes harshly. “That’s not the worst part of the night. I think the worst part was when he reiterated we were just friends and that he’s never seen me as anything more than that.” 

Wanda’s mouth drops open in shock and you can even hear Vision murmur something along the lines of oh shit in the kitchen. 

“Good way to get hurt, huh?” You reiterate Wanda’s words from weeks ago and her face falls into a look a pity. “I’m so stupid. Why did I even agree to doing benefits with him?”

“We all do dumb things when we love someone.” She says soothingly as she rubs her hand across your back. “I know this hurts, but look at the silver lining. Now you can move on, for real. Bucky’s made his intentions clear and you can find someone better.” 

You look at her sadly. “What if there isn’t someone better?” You almost choke on your own breath as you talk through your tears. “What if no one makes me feel that way?”

Wanda shakes her head and reaches up to grip your chin between her fingertips. It forces you to look into her blazing eyes. “Bucky’s nothing more than a man with commitment issues. We’re in New York City, there are millions of them. And for every Bucky, there’s a…a…”

“Vision.” You offer up with a teasing smile. Wanda blushes, but nods. “There’s a Vision. And yours is out there, he was just waiting for Bucky to fuck up.” 

You let out a choke laugh. “Yeah…” You trail off. “Can I crash here? I don’t think I can-“

“-Of course.” Wanda cuts you off. “For as long as you need.”

》

Bucky doesn’t even want to go inside. He just stands outside his apartment door staring blankly at the lock. It doesn’t feel like home without you there. 

You haven’t been home in three days and if it weren’t for your instagram stories with Wanda and Vision, Bucky would think you were dead.

You haven’t reached out at all, he isn’t sure if you had come by the apartment to grab personal things and when he had asked the guys if they had heard from you, Steve had just given him an I told you this would happen lecture. 

Bucky feels like a fucking idiot. Bucky is a fucking idiot. He shoves his key into the lock with a sigh. 

“Bucky?” A voice calls out. It makes him freeze in the doorway. It’s your voice. He’s sure it is. Nobody else had a key to the apartment. You pop out of the kitchen with a smile. “It is you!”

Your demeanor has done a complete flip. There’s no harsh stare or fiery eyes, just smiles. It leaves his head spinning. For the past three days he’s been trying to figure out how to make things better and you’re…fine? 

“He…hey.” He pushes the word out. “Um. What are you doing here?” 

Your brows furrow. “I live here?” You laugh softly before turning back into the kitchen. Bucky follows you dumbly, completely awestruck by your sudden reappearance. 

“I thought… I thought you were mad at me?” He asks hesitantly. 

“I was. Now I’m not.” You shrug. You move around the kitchen easily, putting groceries away that Bucky hadn’t even noticed with his entire focus on you. 

He moves towards you. “Sweetheart-“

You interrupt him with your name and suddenly the fire is back in your eyes. Oh. This isn’t Bucky’s best friend coming back into his life. 

It’s his roommate coming back home. 

Just like you had promised. 

》•

Bucky tries to catch you some days. He’ll tilt his head in an attempt to force your eyes to meet his while you talk about nothing after he gets home from work. 

You always avoid them, terrified one look into the blue you’ve loved for so long and you’ll crumble at his feet. You chatter about nothing important, the weather outside and your neighbor upstairs who always stomps around at four in the morning. 

Bucky always listens intently and you begin to feel a little guilty for cutting him out completely. You just needed some time to get over him, then one day you could come home and watch Law and Order with him again and cook dinner together. 

But for now, you pretend he’s nothing more than a roommate and like you’re not desperately in love with him. 

It’ll work. It has to work. 

》

Your name is like honey coming from Steve’s lips. He’s got a kind smile on his face as he hands over your coffee. He had slipped behind you in line at the coffee shop with a sheepish hello.

“You didn’t have to do that.” You say softly as you take it from him. “I can pay for my own coffee.” You can see the ingredients scribbled onto the side of his paper cup and it makes you smile into your sip.

Steve Rogers had a sweet tooth. 

“Day off? Or just a break?” You hold the coffee shop door open for him to follow you out onto the street. Steve gives you a thankful smile. 

“Break. I’m heading back to the office now.” He takes a sip of his drink. There were two weeks left of November and the streets of New York were doing their annual flip. Christmas lights going up too early and gloomy skies overhead.

You walk beside him, one hand shoved into your pocket. “Mind if I walk with you? I’m off today and I am so bored just sitting around the apartment.” 

“Not at all!” Steve answers quickly. There’s a slight flush on his cheeks that you attribute to the wind nipping at both your cheeks. “I could use the company of someone other than corporate lawyers.” 

You laugh at his dramatic eye roll. “You know most of your friends work at that firm.” Steve gives you an unapologetic smile. “Two friends and I can admit they can both be dicks sometimes.” 

He looks at you like he knows something and you swallow, turning to look straight ahead of you. “I disagree.” You finally say after a moment. He looks down at you with furrowed eyebrows. “Sam is always a sweetheart.”

That startles a laugh out of Steve, who looks at you with a shine in his eyes. He shakes his head and looks down at the sidewalk in front of him. “You okay? I know that-“ 

“-I’m fine.” You cut him off. You look up at him with a half smile. “And we don’t have to talk about it. In fact, let’s not.” You force out a laugh and Steve nods slowly.

You end up walking the rest of the way in a comfortable silence. Steve has a reassuring presence, something you don’t think you’ve ever even realized until now. Warmth radiates off of his body and his eyes give everything he feels away. Steve is a good apple. At least that’s what your grandmother would say if she had met him.

“This is me.” Steve says softly as he slows to a stop outside the corporate building. If you look around you’ll notice every building near by looks almost exactly the same. “Thanks for walking with me.” He says softly with a nervous smile.

You smile back. “Thanks for buying me coffee.” You hold it up towards him as if to show him. “And for letting me tag along.”

Steve shakes his head. You’re sure he has to get back to work soon, you know their days are usually full and small breaks like this were just that - small. “You don’t have to thank me. I… I like hanging out with you. You’re cool.” He scrunches his nose up when he realizes what he’s just said but you giggle.

“Cool?” You ask with a teasing smile. Steve looks down at his feet with red dusting his cheeks. “I think you’re cool too.” The words are soft as you nudge his boot clad foot with yours.

Steve looks up with bright eyes. “Yeah?” You nod and he smiles to himself. “We should… We should hang out more.” He suggests hesitantly.

Your eyes widen as you look at him. Steve looks about two seconds away from being sick with nerves and it’s sweet. Completely and utterly tooth rottingly sweet that someone is this nervous around you. Your heart picks up at him wanting to hang out more.

“Like dates?” You question quietly. Steve turns a bright shade of right and you’re reminded of Bucky blurting his secret out weeks ago. “I would like that.” You don’t give him a chance to respond to your first question.

He smiles so bright that you’re blinded by it. “Yeah?” You nod with a small smile. “Yeah. Now go back to work!” You shove his shoulder lightly which makes him laugh. “You have my number.”

He’s nodding happily as he backs away. “I do! I’ll text you?”

“Please!” You laugh as he pushes through the glass doors backwards, almost running over a women. He smiles awkwardly at her before facing you once again. You wave as he disappears into the crowd of people. 

When he’s out of sight you let out a sigh. He was kind and incredibly endearing. Steve was a man every woman would be lucky to date. Why did you feel so guilty for flirting then? 

You know why. 

You ignore it.

》

Bucky watches with pursed lips from his spot by the front desk as you and Steve chat outside. He tries his best to read lips, but your both standing at an angle that makes it near impossible.

“You’re not creepy at all.” The voice makes him jump and he turns to look at Sam, leaning against the opposite side of the reception desk. Martha, the woman who runs the desk, looks between them in amusement. “Steve is some kind of psychic, huh?” He snorts.

Bucky turns his glare onto Sam. “It’s not my fault they’re out there for everyone to see.” He snaps before turning his eyes back on the scene in front of him.

Sam laughs loudly and Bucky watches his Steve embarrasses himself by running into a girl leaving the building. He would feel better about it, if he couldn’t see you smiling brightly at the man.

Bucky loves Steve, but he wants nothing more than to punch him in the face for not staying away from you. Even though Bucky is fully aware you’re both adults with minds of you own, he had never imagined Steve would actually sweep you off your feet.

When Steve makes his way towards Sam and Bucky, Sam has got a cheesy smile on his face and Bucky can do nothing but glare. “Got myself a date, boys.” He smacks a hand against Bucky’s back.

“It’s like… She was run right into my arms.” He smirks before making his way towards the elevator. Sam follows behind Steve with another loud laugh.

Bucky is left standing in the lobby alone. He watches your form retreat across the street and sighs. He had made a mess of things, huh?

》

You can’t get the dress to zip up all the way. You’ve tried a multitude of angles, from pulling the dress up and trying to reach it over your shoulder to almost breaking your arm at an awkward angle.

You sigh in defeat as you stand in front of your mirror. You can hear Bucky in his room across the hall, music playing a little too loud and his footsteps around the room. He’s got his cleaning playlist on, it forces a small smile to appear on your face.

You suck in a deep breath. Roommates helped each other with zippers. It was normal, Bucky could help you with a zipper.

“Bucky.” You knock softly on his door. There’s no answer, he probably can’t hear anything over the music. You knock harder. “Bucky?” The music stops and you suck in a nervous breath.

His door flies open and his eyes widen when he sees you standing in the half zipped dress. His eyes narrow. “What’s up?”

Your fingers fidget in front of your stomach as you look at him nervously. “Can you… Can you help me zip the rest of the way? I just can’t get it.” You admit sheepishly.

Bucky nods. “Turn around.” He orders softly and you do as he says. His fingers find the zipper stuck halfway up your back and your breath hitches. You think you hear his do the same as he begins to pull it up slowly.

It’s a tense silence as his hands rest on your back for a second too long. When he drops them back to his side, you turn to look at him. He shuts his eyes tightly and sighs. “Listen. About what happened-“

There’s a knock at your door that makes you step away. You look at Bucky apologetically. “I’m sorry. I’ve got to go.” You take a few stumbling steps away.

You feel his eyes on you as you move through the apartment and collect your purse and jacket. When you open the door, Steve is standing there with flowers and it makes you pause.

Bucky’s bedroom door slams shut when you pull the flowers into your own hand. His music starts playing again as you get them into water. You and Steve smile awkwardly at each other.

When Steve’s hand lands on your lower back to guide you out of the building, all you can think is Bucky’s hands there earlier, warmer and somehow softer, you try to ignore how wrong it feels.

You were moving on. It would get better.

》•

Bucky’s pathetic. That much he knows. Four drinks in and he’s missing you desperately. All he can think about is Steve’s hand on your back and how you look in that red dress.

Did you know it was Steve’s favorite color? Is that why you had worn it? He had seen the black lace of your bra underneath when zipping the dress for you, had you worn that on purpose too? 

He feels like he’s hit rock bottom. Like it can’t get worse than this. His best friend on a date with his other best friend who he wasn’t talking to anymore because he wanted a friends with benefits thing. 

I had other friends, he thinks. Friends who I could stand to lose. Why did I want her? Why did I do that?

Annoyingly enough, Steve’s voice is what answers him. You’re in love with her. The words make Bucky jolt up in his seat because, well, he’s never thought that before. He’s always known he loved you in a platonic sense and that he cared for you deeply, but being in love with you?

That can’t be it. Bucky didn’t really do being in love. He’s seen what that does to people. He saw what it did to his mother, heartbroken and left with two kids to raise on her own. He’s seen what heartbreak has done to Becca, who used to lock herself away in her room and spend hours crying over boys who weren’t worth it.

He snorts to himself, taking another sip of his drink. They say you can only go up from from rock bottom. Bucky thinks he’s got some kind of special ability to go lower though as he stares at his phone. 

He wants to text you and beg you to come home. He calls his mom instead. “Ma?” He asks quietly when she picks the phone up. “It’s Bucky.”

“I have caller ID. I know.” She lets out a laugh. “What’s up? You sound upset, my love.” She asks gently.

“I fucked up, Ma.” Bucky admits after a moment of silence. “I…” 

“What’s wrong? What happened?” She sounds panicked and Bucky immediately feels bad for worrying her. 

“No I mean, like, with Y/N. I fucked up with her.” He explains. His mother inhales sharply at the sound of his best friends name.

“What happened?” She asks softly, almost knowingly.

“We… I… I’m not meant for relationships? You know? Love? It always ends bad so I told her we could just be friends with some benefits.” He feels a little embarrassed sharing this with his mother, but he doesn’t have anybody else to turn to. “And I fucked it up. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too.” Bucky can admit that he blurred the lines. That he didn’t treat you like just a friend, but when had he ever? You’d always been a little closer than normal friends. 

“Oh Bucky.” His mother murmurs, her tone isn’t disappointed, just sad. ���I’m so sorry your father did this to you.” Bucky rubs a hand over his face. “Ma-“ 

“-No, Bucky. I’m sorry you didn’t get to see the value of romantic love. Of love that keeps you warm and love that makes your heart race.” She says quietly. 

“It always ends in heartbreak. I don’t need it.” He says defensively. It’s silent, Bucky listens to his mom breathe before finally whispering, “What if I’m like him? What if I ruin her life?” 

“Oh sweetheart, you’re nothing like him.” Her voice cracks. “You’re good. You’re a good man. You’re empathetic. You care deeply. You don’t have to be afraid of ending up like him, you’ve already proven you won’t.” 

“Doesn’t feel like that.” Bucky lets out a short laugh. “Feels like I already am.” 

“James Buchanan Barnes. I am not going to sit here and listen to you talk about yourself like this. You’re not like him because you see what you’ve done wrong. Because you feel remorse.” She says heatedly. “Your father never felt bad for what he did or who he hurt, that’s what makes you different. That’s what makes you better.” 

Bucky wipes hastily at the tears that he hadn’t realized were falling down his cheeks until now. Has he always been this much of a light weight? Full of emotion and regrets that are only amplified by his drunkenness. 

“I love that girl like she’s my own.” His mother’s voice brings him back. “So, what are you gonna do to fix this? I already bought her Christmas present.” 

Bucky laughs. His chest feels a little lighter. “Leave her alone.” He answers genuinely. He can almost see his mother’s mouth open in protest. “She’s on a date with Steve. I can’t ruin that for either of them.” 

There’s a sigh on the other end of the line. “You’re a good man, Bucky. Every good man makes mistakes. It’ll all work out.” She says vehemently. 

“I love you, ma. Thank you.” Bucky looks at the bottle in front of him. “I love you too. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” She asks gently. “Okay.” He nods as she hangs up. 

Her words help, but he’s still filled with guilt as he thinks of you. He had never wanted things to become this messed up with you. The last thing he wanted was for you to hate him.

Then why’d you do it? Bucky pulls at his hair. Since when was his subconscious so annoying? Was it the drinks? It’s your voice next. I mean nothing to you? 

“No. Shut up.” Bucky says to himself before standing up, his knee knocking against the coffee table painfully. He groans, but doesn’t stop moving. He feels like he’s going to be sick. He is going to be sick, he realizes as he forces the bathroom door open. 

He throws up. He’s not sure if it’s from the drinks or this overwhelming feeling of pure angst in his chest. A feeling that makes his lungs constrict and his heart ache.

He briefly wonders if this is heartbreak. And if it was, did that mean Steve was right? Bucky loved you?

He makes it back to the couch and starts a random movie in an attempt to stay up and wait for you. To talk or something. He was so, so sick of not talking to you.

But he falls asleep less than fifteen minutes later and he doesn’t hear you step into the apartment.

》•

“I had a really nice time tonight.” You say quietly. It’s almost midnight and you’re sure your neighbors wouldn’t appreciate you waking them up. “Thank you for taking me out.”

Steve stuffs his hands into his jacket pocket and gives you a grin. “Thanks for letting me take you out.”The two of you look at each other before breaking eye contact with awkward laughs. “We should do this again.”

You nod. “We should!” You lean up and press a kiss to his cheek before turning towards your door. “I’ll see you later, Steve.” You say softly before pushing the door open.

Steve gives you a short wave with a happy smile. “See you.” He begins to back away, down the hallway. “I’ll just.” He jabs a thumb over his shoulder before spinning around to walk straight.

You laugh silently to yourself as you finally step into your apartment and shut the door behind you. With your eyes shut tightly, you lean your back against the door and let out a sigh.

Your silence is disturbed by a groan and your eyes shoot open. Bucky’s laying on the couch, one arm hanging off and a bottle of whiskey sitting almost completely empty in front of him.

“Oh, Bucky.” You let out a sad sigh as you drop your purse and keys on the entryway table. His eyes are squeezed shut, you can tell he’s in a deep sleep.

When you stand in front of him, you push the stray hairs that are stuck to his sweaty forehead back. He’s flushed and you don’t know exactly how much he’s had to drink, but he was definitely drunk. You allow your nails to trace over his cheekbones and jawline in admiration.

You move away, suddenly aware of what you’re actually doing. You move quickly, picking up the empty glass and whiskey bottle and moving towards the kitchen. You leave the glass in the sink and stuff the bottle back into your drinks cabinet.

You think of just going back to your room, but you know you can’t leave Bucky shivering on the couch. You grab a clean glass and fill it with water before placing it on the coffee table in front of you. You pull out your travel Advil from your purse and sit it next to glass. His favorite blanket is draped over the back your lounge chair. You pull it off and drape it over him gently. Bucky snuffles then turns so his face is pressed into the couch.

You look down at Bucky again before leaving him in the room.

》

It’s like there’s a shift between you and Bucky after your date with Steve. You’re kinder and you seem to be more open with him again, while all Bucky wants to do is hide away in his room.

Every time you sit across from him in the living room or join him for dinner, he feels panic rise in him like vile and he ends up sitting tensely beside you.

Because you’re figuring your shit out. You want to be friends with Bucky again while Steve takes you out every weekend. It’s perfect. Going swimmingly, really.

Except, Bucky is falling apart. Every time you go out with Steve he makes himself sick thinking about what you’re doing. He’s stuck in this constant cycle of why does it hurt so much and you love her you love her you love her.

He just wants to scream so what? Even if he did love you, what did it matter? It’s not like it would change anything. You had never told him you loved him, you had only been angry because he had given you mixed signals. Now, you had moved on to someone easy, someone without commitment fears and who didn’t give you mixed signals.

So, even if he did love you, why would he say anything. Why would he ruin something good for you? He wanted to prove his mother right. He was better than his father, and he wouldn’t ruin something good for you. Not when he was the one who had driven you away. Sick sense of irony, the way this worked out.

》

You’re trying. You can tell Bucky is too. As you come further out of your shell again, he sticks to staunch boundaries and has ceased all of his old affectionate gestures. You know it makes sense and it’s for the best. Even if it does nothing but remind you of what you had grown used to with him before all this.

Besides, you couldn’t blame Bucky for not feeling the same way you did. Not when you had agreed to just benefits and not when you had never told him the truth. 

And Steve was sweet. Steve was gentle and kind and kissed you like you mattered. He held your hand in public and introduced you as his date when you ran into people he knew.

He was good. You cared for him, a lot, and you were desperate for it to work out. For it to work out with Steve and for it to work out with Bucky.

That’s how this night started. These thoughts and a plan. A stupid fucking plan for moving on. Drinks with everyone. Wanda, Vision, Sam, Steve… Bucky.

Bucky who was talking to a redhead at the bar. Bucky who you couldn’t stop staring at as he smiled and charmed her. Your fist tightened around your glass as you watch her nails inch towards his hand.

“Another round of drinks?” Sam’s voice pulls you from your stare. You shake your head to yourself and glance around table. Everybody’s glasses are empty except yours. “I’ll go!” You offer as you drain the last of your drink quickly.

You stand up before anybody at the table can question it. “I can help you.” Steve goes to stand, but you place a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Bucky’s up there. I’m sure he’ll help!” You give him a big smile, one that he answers with furrowed eyebrows. You don’t think much of it as you spin on your heel and make a beeline for the bar.

You don’t see the look Wanda shoots you or the glance Sam and Steve share. You stop right behind Bucky and lean on the counter as you order then you tap him on his shoulder.

He spins quickly. “What’s up? Everyone okay?” He asks, his eyes shifting between you and the table of your friends.

“Yeah!” You give him a small smile. “I was sent for drinks and I didn’t realize how many there were. Think you could help?”

He glances between you and the redhead, who’s giving you a kind smile as she waits. You smile in return before looking up at Bucky again. “Please?” You tack on with a pout.

Bucky laughs. “Yeah. Whatever.” He looks down at the woman again. “You wanna join us? Promise everyone is super cool.”

Your eyes widen as the drinks are placed in front of you. She wasn’t supposed to come. This was supposed to… You pause.

This was supposed to get him away from her. Back to your side.

“Yeah!” You give her a fake smile. “You should join us, we could always use more girls.” You chuckle as you lift three glasses.

Bucky grabs the other three before looking at the woman in question. She shrugs before grabbing her own glass to follow after you two.

You hand out the glasses before taking your seat beside Steve again. He arm comes up to rest behind your chair and you can’t shake the urge to push it off.

“Guys, this is Natasha.” Bucky gestures to the woman besides him before pulling a chair out for her. “Natasha. Wanda, Vision, Steve, Sam.” He points everyone out before finishing off with you. She smiles politely at all of you. You grind your teeth as he sits beside her.

The group seems to take a liking to her right away. She laughs at Sam’s jokes and compliments Wanda’s engagement ring. You’re burning with jealously as Bucky flirts in front of all of you.

It’s wholly irrational, a sober you would know that this jealously doesn’t really make sense. Three mixed drinks in though and it feels like Bucky is doing this to hurt you.

It feels like he’s showing you what he could never do with you. He never flirted with you in front of your friends or allowed his hand to inch towards yours on the table in front of them.

Bucky was secretly affectionate with you. It was tangled feet on Sunday mornings and cuddling Saturday nights. Sex in the middle of night and… heartbreak the next morning.

So his drifting hand and charming smile directed towards Natasha is suffocating you with insecurity. What did she have?

“I’m going home.” You stand abruptly when Bucky leans towards her with a laugh. Your shaky on your feet and Steve reaches a hand out to stabilize you. Everyone looks at you with confusion. “I… I don’t feel good.”

“I’ll walk you home.” Steve stands immediately.

You shake your head. “No!” When he freezes and looks at you with hurt eyes you smile tightly. “I mean, I’m going to take a Lyft. You stay here, have fun.”

“At least let me wait with you. So you’re not in the cold alone.” He insists and you nod slowly.

You really want to be alone, to wallow in this feeling, but Steve was nice and of course he wouldn’t let you go alone.

You watch Bucky for a moment, like you expect him to say something, to offer to come with you. Like he always did, but his attention shifts back to Natasha as Steve’s arm wraps around your waist.

It’s silent as he guides you out of the bar and tense as you order the Lyft. “Fifteen minutes.” You say softly.

Steve nods and looks around the almost empty street. You open your mouth to break the awkward silence, but he beats you to it.

“What happened between you and Bucky?” He asks quietly, his hands stuffed into his jacket pocket, and his teeth gnawing on his bottom lip.

You swallow thickly. “He didn’t tell you?” You ask instead of answering the question.

“He told me you guys had a friends with benefits thing going on. Then he told me you didn’t.” He doesn’t look angry, just sad as he stares down at you. “You know Bucky, he doesn’t share a lot.”

You look down at the sidewalk, your heel scuffing against it nervously. “I don’t know. I read things wrong, I guess. I… I thought we had a chance?” Your tone is questioning and you let out a laugh in a self-deprecating manner.

“You still love him?” You eyes shoot up to meet Steve’s. You open your mouth to say something, anything, to turn this conversation around but the door opening takes your attention off of the conversation.

It’s Bucky and Natasha, laughing softly with one another. You turn away quickly and feel the vomit rise in your throat. “I’m gonna be sick.” You murmur before throwing up all over Steve’s shoes. He grimaces and takes a step back as the couple turns around at the sound of you.

Bucky calls out your name. You can’t look up, instead you drop to the ground and sit on the sidewalk ledge.“Are you okay?” Bucky kneels down beside you as you cough.

“I’m fine. You can go. Go.” You urge, unable to look up at him. Bucky doesn’t budge though, his hand coming up to push back the hairs stuck to your forehead. “Bucky. Please.” You groan.

“I’ll walk her home.” Bucky says to Steve, ignoring your pleas. “The air will do her some good and the car moving will only make her feel worse.”

Steve looks between you two hesitantly. “I don’t know, I can take her.” You still feel nauseous, especially at the idea of Steve who you’re pretty sure just broke up with you wanting to keep you away from Bucky for your comfort.

When you look up, Natasha is standing behind Bucky with worried eyes. You feel tears gather in the corner of your eyes as they move to Bucky. He smiles gently, his hand still resting against your cheek. “Let me walk you home, sweets.”

The nickname makes your heart soar. Months of nothing but your first name and you feel like you’re floating at the sound of it. “Okay.” You nod, your hand coming up to rest on his. “Okay.” You pull out your phone to cancel the Lyft.

He helps you stand. “I’ll see you.” He says apologetically to Natasha. She doesn’t look upset, in fact she smiles at him like she knows something you two don’t. “I’ll let you know when we get home.” He says to Steve, who nods before following Natasha inside.

You feel flushed and hot all over. A horrible mixture of drinks, jealously and nausea settling in your stomach. It makes you horribly dizzy and you’re forced to lean against Bucky heavily for support.

“One step at a time, sweets.” Bucky says softly, his metal arm wrapped tightly around your waist.

》

“Almost there.” Bucky exhales a deep breath as he all but carries you towards the couch. He’d given up on getting you down the hall, you had pretty much become dead weight and getting you down the hall to the apartment had taken a lot out of Bucky. “Few more steps, sweets.”

Bucky’s cheeks are red and his entire body is warm. It’s been so long since he’s been this close to you and he can’t help but feel his heart grow as you latch onto him.

“Easy. Easy.” He murmurs as he sits you down gently on the couch. You mumble incoherently as you head lands on the back of the couch.

He pulls away from you and pulls his phone out. Sorry to leave you, maybe we can catch up another time?

Maybe. As friends, of course.

Bucky glances at you before looking back down at his phone, he begins to type but another message pops up quickly.

I saw the way you looked at her, I don’t think you’re looking for a girlfriend! It’s okay :)

Bucky leaves the phone sitting on the coffee table as he focuses his attention back on you. You open your eyes and look at him sadly. “What’s wrong with me?” You ask quietly.

“Nothing.” Bucky responds immediately, his hand reaching out for your cheek. The moan of relief you let out at the coolness of his metal appendage goes straight through Bucky. “Nothing is wrong with you.” He forces his voice to stay steady.

He takes a seat next to you on the couch and drops his hand back to his lap. While you stare at the carpeted floor, Bucky’s eyes trail over you. He takes in the skin tight pants and soft sweater. The way your legs look makes him swallow thickly. You were beautiful and Bucky loved you. 

The thought makes him pause, but it doesn’t scare him nearly as much as he thought it would. He did. He loved you. He knew looking at you now that the months of questioning it and then trying to make himself believe it was just as a friend as you dated Steve, was all in vain. He loved you. Maybe he had loved this whole time. 

You look up at him suddenly, like you can hear his thoughts, and Bucky is frozen in his spot. You move towards him slowly and he can’t do anything but watch. 

You crawl into his lap and Bucky’s hands immediately rest on your waist to hold you steady. “What… What’re doing?” He can’t hide the shock in his tone. He has to hold back a moan as your hands come up to run through his hair. You left yanks gently at the hair on the back of his head to force him to look up at you and Bucky is unable to stop the moan from slipping out then.

You smile down at him cheekily. “Want you to fuck me.” Your already slurred words are murmured, so Bucky almost doesn’t understand you. “It’s been so long, Buck.” You grind down and he chokes on his own spit, not expecting his night to end like this.

“You gotta stop, sweets.” His grip on you waist tightens in an attempt to halt your movements. “You’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re doing.” He says, looking back up at you. 

Your hands rest on his shoulders and you shake your head. “I know I hated seeing you with her. I hate not having you. Please, I miss you.” You whisper pleadingly.

The words pain Bucky. “I miss you too, but you don’t want this.” He gently pushes you off of his lap and back onto the couch cushions beside him.

Your head falls to your hands while your elbows rest against your legs. “Why don’t you want me?” You look back up at him with wet eyes. Bucky freezes. Is that what you thought? That he didn’t want you? 

“Sweetheart, you have no idea how much I want you.” He admits, reaching out to pull your hands away from your face completely. You shake your head and pull yourself away from him. 

“If you wanted me you wouldn’t have flirted with her all night. In front of me. In front of our friends.” Bucky looks at you with wide eyes. How could you be upset with him over that when you had gone with Steve? When you had been dating Steve? 

“You’re with Steve.” He reminds you. “Am I supposed to not flirt with other people? You told me we were just roommates. We’re barely even friends!” He exclaims. 

“No! I told you that because you hurt me.” You wipe tears off of your cheeks. “You… You made me feel like I was something to you then told me I was just a fuck. I was hurt.” You explain. “God, you- I loved you so much and you just - just-“ 

“You love me?” Bucky cuts you off. He knows you’re drunk, but the words make his heart race. He feels his eyes soften as he stares at your form. 

The tears gathered in your eyes begin to fall down your cheeks as you shake your head hastily. “Loved you. I loved you. But you didn’t love me, so I moved on.”

Bucky didn’t know it was possible to physically feel your heart break, but here he was, his heart cracking painfully as you look away from him.

“I’m so tired.” You whisper. “Why could you flirt with her in front of all our friends? Why… Why was I a dirty secret?”

Bucky doesn’t know what to say to you. Doesn’t know how to explain to you that he wasn’t afraid of losing her the way he was you. He didn’t know her at all, he certainly didn’t know her the way he knew you.

“We should get you to bed.” Bucky stands abruptly. His hands come down to hold your arms gently as he helps you stand. “We can talk in the morning.”

You allow him to pull you up, it looks like you’ve given up on furthering the conversation. Bucky picks you up bridal style to carry you down the hall.

Your arms rest loosely around his neck. “Steve broke up with me.” You say as Bucky drops you onto your mattress. “He knows about us. He doesn’t want someone who… who…” You trail off before falling into a fit coughs.

“We’ll talk in the morning.” Bucky says softly, his fingers trailing over your cheeks. “I promise, sweetheart.” You already have a water bottle on your nightstand, so Bucky searches your vanity for Advil.

He leaves two pills beside the bottle. You’re already dozing off, your eyes fluttering shut, so Bucky leans down to press a kiss to your forehead. When he goes to pull back, your hand shoots out and wraps around his wrist. “Stay. Please.” You whisper.

Bucky hesitates for a second before nodding and sitting beside you on the bed as he pulls his shoes off. His heart races as he moves to lay beside you and he feels flushed as you curl into his side.

He allows himself to relax with you in his arms. It had been so long since you’ve been beside him like this and Bucky lets himself feel love as you do. 

Is this what he had been afraid of the entire time? 

》

You wake up hot, nauseous and with a pounding headache.

And something wrapped tightly around you. When you open your eyes fully, the first thing you see is a metal arm wrapped tightly around your waist. You groan when your eyes trail up and the sunlight streaming in from your window hits you.

A deeper groan is returned and it makes you freeze. You rack your brain for what happened last night, but all you could remember was getting sick outside the bar and Bucky taking you home. Had you said something? Had he?

You turn over in his arms and look up at him. His eyes are still closed and he’s letting out steady, soft breaths.

“Bucky.” You whisper, your hand coming up to rest against his chest. “Bucky, wake up.” You say a little louder.

His eyes snap open and immediately he pulls away from you. “Shit. Sorry. I’m sorry. You… You…” He sots up and rubs a hand over his face.

“I don’t… What happened? I just remember you walking me home.” You sit up slowly. You’re still wearing your leggings and the sweater from last night. You groan. “I’m sorry I took you away from…” He shakes his head. 

“It’s okay. I offered. You asked me to stay when I got you into bed, I’m sorry if you’re uncomfortable.” His apology is sincere and you suck in a deep breath.

“It’s okay. I don’t… You know I don’t mind falling asleep with you.” Neither of you move or say anything, just sit on opposite sides of your bed in awkward silence. “I-“

“I love you.” Bucky blurts effectively cutting you off. Your eyes widen and your pulse quickens as you stare at him. You had not been expecting that. “And… I’m sorry it took all of this. Not being friends, Steve, drinks, for me to realize, but I do. I think I’ve always loved you, I just… I didn’t know it.”

You shake your head as you try to process what he’s saying. “I don’t… I don’t understand. Where is this coming from?”

“I… Seeing you with Steve. I didn’t… It killed me inside.” Bucky admits.

“And you think that means you love me?” You spit out. “You said it yourself, Bucky Barnes doesn’t do relationships.” You shake your head. “You’re just jealous because you don’t have my attention anymore.”

“That’s not true.” Bucky says adamantly. He turns his body on the bed so it’s facing you. “It made me realize I love you. It made me realize my favorite time of the day is when I get to spend time with you. That our Sundays spent reading and Saturdays watching Law and Order were always better than bars or parties because I was with you. I… I want to do the relationship things with you. Holding hands, just sleeping together. Telling people you’re my girlfriend.”

You stare at him tearfully. “How do you know it’s love? That you didn’t just miss me?”

“I know what it’s like to miss you. This feeling? This warmth in my chest when you’re around and the ache there when you’re gone? That’s not missing you. I...” He pauses. “I love you. And It’s okay if you don’t feel the same anymore-“

“-Anymore?” You question. Your eyes squeeze shut as you headache gets worse. “Bucky, what-“

“You told me you loved me last night. You were drunk, I know, but-“

“Fuck.” You laugh to yourself as you take in everything he has said. Pieces of last night come flashing back to your mind. Crawling into Bucky’s lap, crying, admitting you had loved him. “Oh God.” You groan, rubbing your hands over your face.

“Bucky you don’t have to-“ You shake your head. “You don’t have to try and make this something it isn’t because you feel bad.”

“I’m not.” Bucky reaches a hand out to rest on your back. “What can I do to make you believe me?”

You look over at him. “Prove it.”

》

Steve meets him for coffee later that morning. You’re out with Wanda for Sunday brunch and Bucky is on his final stop of his apology tour. 

“Hey.” Steve looks up from his phone and smiles at Bucky. “Can I sit?” Bucky motions to the chair across from him and Steve nods.

Steve pushes a black coffee over to Bucky, whose nose scrunches up at the scent. Fair, Bucky thinks. “What’s up?” Steve asks quietly. “You missed our run this morning.”

Bucky looks down at the table. “I had some stuff to deal with. You know with-“ Bucky cuts himself when Steve nods. “Listen, I wanted to say I’m sorry. Shit was never supposed to get this messed up.”

Steve shrugs. “You tell her?” He gives Bucky a knowing smile. “That you love her?”

Bucky gives him a small smile in return. “I did. Yeah.” He taps his fingers against the table. “She’s got some, uh, trust issues with me. But it makes sense. We’re gonna take it slow.”

“I’m happy for you, Buck.” Steve admits after taking a sip of his drink. “I was never mad or angry with you. I always knew she still cared for you and I think I always knew it would never be anything serious.”

Bucky nods. “Thanks, Steve.” He looks down at his coffee with an appreciative smile.

“Besides,” Steve smirks, “Natasha is super cool. We exchanged numbers last night after she asked about what was going on between you two.”

》

Bucky invites you to spend Christmas with his family. You don’t even have to think about it before you say yes. Christmases with his family were always full of warmth and love; You absolutely loved it. 

You’re more excited to be here this year too, to celebrate with him in this way. As his girlfriend, you had heard him tell Rebecca over the phone when informing her of his plans to drive up to see them Christmas Eve. 

You had the perfect gift for him too, well, you have a few gifts for him. Most of them could wait for Christmas with his mom and sister, but there were two you were just desperate to see his reaction to.  

That’s why you slip out of his room in the early hours of the morning when the sky is still dark and everybody is asleep. 

That’s how Bucky wakes up, a small, wrapped box sitting on the nightstand and you nowhere to be found. Bucky eyes the box warily before looking around the rest of his bedroom. Your suitcase is unzipped and he can tell it’s be riffled through before being shoved back into the corner os his room.

His door is pushed open quietly. “Why are you up?” His voice makes you jump and spin so your back slams against the door. Bucky has to bite back a laugh as you take a couple deep, calming breaths. 

“I...I was going to wake you up.” You tip toe across the room and crawl into bed beside Bucky. You suck in a deep, nervous breath. While you and Bucky had been dating for the past few weeks, you had also been taking it slow. “For gifts.” 

Bucky’s eyebrows furrow as he sits up a little straighter in bed. “Gifts? It’s five in the morning, I promise Becca and my mom are in such deep sleep we couldn’t wake them if we tried.”

Kind of what I’m banking on, you think. “No. I mean.. Our gifts, for each other.” You explain in a soft voice, before reaching over to pick up the small box you had left sitting on the nightstand. “I didn’t want to give you this in front of your family and I don’t think I can wait.” You admit a little sheepishly. 

Bucky looks down at the box with a soft smile. “Just let me get one of your gifts.” He sits it down on the comforter before crawling out of the bed and moving to his suitcase. He picks up a small box, wrapped in the same gift paper his is because he had stolen your roll, and smiles up at you.

He hands it over and the two of you just stare at each other with bright, happy smiles before tearing into the wrapping paper at the same time. Your mouth drops open in shock when you open the box.

A bracelet is staring back at you. A silver band filled with charms that make you smile as you run your fingertips over each one. Your alma mater’s mascot. The Brooklyn Bridge. A bottle of wine. “Buck...” You trail off in awe. “This is beautiful.”

“Sweets.” He says the nickname gently and you look up to watch him pull the watch out of the box with a small smile. “This is...” He flips it over in his hand and his eyes widen when he notices the engraving on the back.

the best lovers start as friends.

“I love you.” He runs a finger of the engraved metal as you whisper softly, “I... I’ve loved you for so long, Buck, and having your love in return is unlike anything I could have imagined.” 

Bucky drops the watch on the bed between you as he reaches across to pull you into a bruising kiss. You drop your own gift onto the bed and reach up to rest a hand on his chest. 

“I love you.” Bucky pulls away to whisper the words. “I love you. I love you. I love you.” He punctuates each sentence with a kiss to your skin. You giggle softly as he moves towards you and his hand settles on your waist. 

“I have something else for you.” You pull away to remove the bracelet and watch from the bed. Bucky watches as you move so you’re on your knees with intrigued eyes. You smile coyly as you move to pull his shirt over your head. 

Bucky lets out a low moan as his eyes trail over your body, covered in dark green lace. “What’s this?” His fingers come up to trace over the lace and leave goosebumps in their wake. 

“Your second gift.” You murmur breathlessly as he fingers drift lower and lower. Bucky smirks as he leans towards you and presses a kiss to your neck, then across your collar bone until he’s trailing kisses down the valley of your breasts. 

He pulls away after a moment and looks up at you questioningly. “Are you sure?” 

You smile down at him and wrap your arms around his shoulders. “I wouldn’t have dropped this much money on lingerie if I wasn’t sure.” His arms wrap tightly around your waist as he pulls your body flush against his. 

“What did I do to deserve a gift like this?” He looks up at you with a bright smile. You run a hand through his hair. “Love me.” You answer genuinely. Red dusts Bucky’s cheeks at your words as you lean in to kiss him. 

You shift so you’re straddling Bucky’s lap. “Gonna fuck me?” You murmur in question against his lips. Bucky moans against you and his hips buck up involuntarily. His hand drops from your waist to your thigh and he trails his fingertips up. 

“You look so pretty, sweets.” He smirks up at you as his hand pushes the lace aside. He runs the tip of his index finger over your wet folds and you push down already wanting more from him. “Patience, sweetheart. Let me take you in. I wanna enjoy my gift.”

You moan as he begins to rub slowly against your clit. “Want you to ride my thigh first, sweets.” Bucky shifts you so your legs are straddled over his left thigh.

You moan as your clit rubs against his thigh. You pull at the waist band and his sweatpants and he helps you pull them off of his legs before situating your body back over him. “Fuck.” You let out a deep sigh as his hands land on your hips.

His eyes are dark and pupils blown as he stares at you above him. Bucky’s already hard, you can see his dick straining against his briefs. He doesn’t do more than lightly guide you by the hands on your hips, but his eyes watching you intently as you moan is enough to make your stomach twist in pleasure.

“Fuck, James.” He groans as his first name tumbles out of your mouth in a breathy moan. “You look so pretty on my thigh, sweetheart. I love watching you.”

He leans forward then, to press kisses across your breasts as you move back and forth against him. “Feels so good.” One of your hands twists in his hair and Bucky moans against your skin.

You move faster against him as you feel yourself get wetter. You moan his name like a mantra as Bucky’s hands grip you tighter and tighter.

Bucky’s hands force you to a stop. You whine at the lost of pleasure, but it’s not long before Bucky has you flipped so you’re laying on your back beneath him.

“Gonna fuck you, is that okay sweets?” He leans back to pull his shirt off and you nod hastily as your hands come up to pull at his briefs. It’s not long before you’re bare underneath him, the lace garments discarded to the floor of his bedroom.

“Gotta be quiet.” He runs his tip over you folds in a teasing manner that almost makes you moan out. Instinctively, your hips buck up with a quiet whine. His hand comes up to cover your mouth. “Don’t want Becca to hear. She’s just down the hall, sweets.”

It’s a warning and it makes heat spread through you. You’re not sure if it’s the idea that you could get caught in his childhood bedroom or the way Bucky’s voice deepens, but it makes you tired of waiting. “Please.” Your beg is muffled by his hand, but he hears it. He doesn’t wait any longer, he pushes himself all the way in and you both let out relieved moans at the feeling. “Fuck. Fuck. You always feel so good, baby.” 

Your back arches into his body as he begins fucking you at a slow pace. When he seems satisfied that you won’t make too much noise, his hand moves from your mouth he rests his forearm on the pillow beside your head. “James.” It’s a whispered moan that makes his hips stutter. “Faster. Please. I’ll be quiet.” You promise, your legs wrapping around him. Bucky leans down to press a bruising kiss to your lips as he fucks into you faster. You moan into his mouth as pleasure rushes through you. 

There’s something extremely intimate about the way he fucks into you, one hand holding onto your hip and another resting beside your head. It’s love, you realize when he pulls back to look at you with soft eyes. It does something to you, makes want rush through your veins and pulls the air from your lungs. “I love you.” You whisper into the space between you two, Bucky still pushing in and out of you. 

“I love you.” His eyes slide shut and his head falls to nuzzle into your neck. “You look at me like that again I’m not gonna last, sweets.” He press a gentle kiss to your neck before beginning to suck harshly. You’re sure there will be a mark there tomorrow that you’ll never live down, but you can’t bring yourself to care when his tongue runs over the mark and your stomach clenches in excitement. 

“Fuck. I’m so close, Bucky, please. I- I need-“ His hand is reaching between your bodies before you can spit the sentence out. His finger rubs against your clit as he quickens his pace. “Yes. Yes.” You moan, and you can immediately tell it’s too loud when Bucky freezes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” You mutter, so close and desperate for him to resume his pace. 

“I know, I’m close too, but we can’t wake the house up.” You throw your head back and bite down hard enough to draw blood when he resumes his movements. He’s rubbing at your already sensitive clit and fucking you quickly, it’s all too much as your stomach tightens in pleasure. “Yeah. I can feel you, baby. Come for me, please. I need to feel you.” His tone is deep and possessive in your ear. 

When he slams into you hard, your orgasm washes over you. Your mouth opens in a moan that Bucky catches with a messy kiss. You can feel his hips stutter against you as he reaches his own high and releases into you. 

The two of you stay like that for a moment, just breathing with each other. “Merry Christmas.” You laugh softly as Bucky pulls out and moves to grab a towel from his desk chair. 

Bucky smiles as he comes to lay beside you again and wipes gently at your thighs.  He pulls the comforter up so it’s wrapped around both of you again and pulls you so your head rests against his chest. “Merry Christmas.” He whispers in return.

You glance out the window and find that it’s snowing again. You’ll probably be snowed in for the next few days, but you don’t really mind, not with Bucky here and in your arms the way you’ve always wanted. 

》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《

notes // this took weeks to finish and i truly hope whoever reads it through enjoys it! 

my writing is free & will remain free. if you enjoy it and you have the resources, consider donating to my ko-fi :)

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x fem!reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes oneshot #steve rogers #james bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction

[earlgreydream]

time for us.

| loki x reader | angst | fluff |

anon requested. loki has been working a lot lately and hasn’t really had anytime for the reader and he completely forgets about their anniversary and she doesn’t tell him for a couple of days but then he snaps at her and they have a huge argument

a/n: this doesn’t have any spoilers for the show— just mention that Loki works for the TVA (which isn’t canon at the time of me writing this)

You loathed Loki’s new job, working for the Time Variance Authority.

Ever since Loki began at the TVA, they’d managed to occupy nearly all of his time and energy, leaving little to none left for you. Your relationship was strong, but only a few weeks of work had put a strain on the two of you.

He’d become more short tempered, and easily agitated. You tried to be patient, but little things seemed to antagonize you, and soon every small thing was becoming huge.

Above all, you hated to fight with Loki. You bottled up your frustration, shoving them down inside of you and keeping them hidden and locked away. Your limited time with Loki was precious, and you didn’t want to poison it with your annoyance. However, it was doing damage that you hadn’t yet comprehended, building a pressurized weapon that was bound to explode.

It took weeks, but the explosion came.

.

Loki had been so caught up in work that he missed your anniversary. It had escaped his mind entirely, passing like any other day. He was distracted by variants running wild, and the need to please his new boss. He felt responsible for things that were going wrong, and he had put your relationship on the backburner.

You’d been certain he’d take you out during the night, or at least do something to acknowledge the anniversary of your love, but you’d been dead wrong. You waited at home as hours passed, and when his normal arrival time had long passed, the pain in your chest grew until your entire body was throbbing with hurt.

You took your makeup off, along with the pretty dress you wore-- the green one that your husband adored.

Loki had stayed late at work, taking overtime and showing up just before ten. You were so hurt you could hardly speak, but Loki’s mind was too muddled with work to even notice. You were already in bed when he returned home, and he’d kissed your forehead and gone to sleep with less than five words leaving his lips.

You laid awake in bed that night, staring at the wall. You should have told Loki you were angry, said something then and at least gotten it in the open. But you shoved it down with everything else— every other hurt and grievance and annoyance that poisoned you.

.

“Can you set that down, please?” You asked, four days later. You tried to keep your tone even, but you were impatient. The bite in your words was all you could do to keep from tearing the file from his delicate hands.

Loki was in the kitchen, his face buried in a variant case file. He was supposed to be helping you make dinner, but you were dismissed and cast aside once again as his work outshined you.

“I’m working, Y/N! It’s important. Don’t you want me to get paid so you can have your pretty things?” Loki snapped, shocking you.

“No!” You screamed, slamming the cabinet door shut.

He stared at you, turquoise eyes wide in shock at your outburst. He dropped the file on the counter, a harsh glare adorning his stunning face.

“No, Loki! I don’t fucking care about the pretty things. I don’t even know that I care about YOU!” The words were coming out before you could stop them.

“You don’t care about me?! All I ever do is for you!” Loki met your anger, matching your energy and only fueling the fire of rage that was building in your stomach.

“You’re such a selfish liar! You don’t give a fuck about me, Loki! You’re in a relationship with your bullshit job, you don’t give a damn about me! All of your time and your energy... and fuck, even your kindness goes to the stupid fucking TVA!! There’s nothing left for me, and I don’t want your scraps!” You shoved him back when he took a step toward you.

“I’m selfish? You’re needy and dramatic! You’re a spoiled brat, acting out when not every ounce of my attention is being given to you. What, you’re mad that I didn’t help you make this salad? Grow up, Y/N!” Loki’s hateful words poured out, tasting like acid in his mouth.

“No! I’m mad that you forgot our anniversary and that you haven’t seen how much you’ve hurt me!” Tears burned as they streamed down your face, blurring your vision that was bleeding at the edges.

Loki’s lips parted, and realization suddenly crossed his features. He took a step back, recognizing his anger had spiraled out of control, and that your anger was justified.

“I didn’t mean it… I do care about you, I just want you to care about me.” Your voice broke, and shaky hands went to your mouth, stifling a sob. Guilt swelled in Loki’s chest as he saw you fall apart, unable to bear the weight of your anger.

“I’m sorry. You’re right. I don’t know how I’ve forgotten. Please, my love, forgive me,” Loki’s tone softened, and he knelt down to his knees before you.

He didn’t care about the messy floors ruining his perfect suit, nothing mattered to him then except for you.

“I shouldn’t have gotten so angry, I just miss you,” you were weeping, unable to hold the sobs at bay.

“It’s okay, scream and cry if you need to, but know I love you more than anything and I am terribly, terribly sorry.”

Loki gently pulled you forward, closing his arms around you. His forehead rested against your stomach, and you laid your hands on top of his head.

“I know. I know,” you stammered in shaky breaths. Your fingers trembled as you dragged them through his hair, overwhelmed with every emotion that washed over you all at once.

.

You got home from work, a couple of days after your fight. You had both apologized, easing the tension over. Loki hadn’t stopped apologizing, even when you promised him it was okay. It had been better since-- you weren’t keeping secrets or harboring anger, and you felt exceedingly better in the aftermath of your fight.

You walked into your master suite, considering a hot bath or a shower after your day. You were lost in your thoughts as you kicked your shoes off, before turning to the bed. A dress was laid out on the end of the bed, glittery heels and jewelry in a box beside it. Loki wasn’t home, but a note was attached, telling you to get dressed and he’d meet you.

You smiled, lifting the black cocktail dress. You changed, fixing your hair and makeup in the mirror. Your day at work had been long, and you didn’t know what Loki had in store for you, but you were excited.

The lock clicked open on the door, signaling the arrival of your husband. You stepped into the foyer to greet him, met with Loki in an all-black suit. A grin spread across his expression as he noticed you, making warmth bloom in your chest.

“You look-” you both started at the same time.

You smiled and tilted your head, letting him speak.

“You look beautiful,” Loki spoke softly before giving you a kiss.

“Thank you. You look sharp. What’s the occasion, what are we doing?”

“I’m so sorry I missed our anniversary. I thought we could celebrate us tonight.”

You broke into a grin, nodding excitedly.

“Yes. Yes, let’s do it.”

“Of course. Let me set my things down,” he kissed your cheek and stepped into your master, cleaning up and dropping his bag.

.

You were driven to a fancy restaurant, one hand in Loki’s as the other smoothed over the wheel of his black sports car. He dropped the keys with a valet, and you were escorted to a table in the back of the place.

“Wine, Mrs. Laufeyson?”

“Please,” you nodded, and the waiter poured you a glass of sparkling pink moscato.

“I’ve gotten us a suite at the resort in the city. I have a bag packed for you in the car, I thought we could enjoy a weekend away. You deserve it,” Loki brought your hand to his lips, kissing your knuckles.

“You’re spoiling me,” you giggled, sipping your wine.

“As I should be.”

Elaborate French dishes were brought out on gorgeous plates, looking like something from a food blog. It tasted divine, and Loki told you some history about the dish from some time he was living or traveling in Paris. You listened to his animated stories, thinking about how you were so in love with him. 

“Why’re you staring at me like that?” Loki laughed softly, spooning sorbet into your mouth.

“Because I love you. And you’re charming and cute when you get excited,” you confessed with a grin. 

“I love you too. I’m sorry about everything,” he apologized. 

“It’s okay. We’re past it. Time moves forward for us.”

Loki nodded, leaning forward and smearing a kiss over your temple before retrieving your car from the valet.

“To the hotel?” he asked, sliding his hands over your hips and kissing your neck as you waited.

“Okay,” you giggled, squirming in his arms. 

He squeezed your bum, making you gasp before opening the door for you, helping you into the passenger seat. 

When you arrived at the hotel, there was a bouquet of roses on the table, and candles burning around. He kissed the back of your head, setting your bag down for you.

“Let me make this up to you,” his voice was deep as he unzipped your dress.

“Please,” you smiled, turning in his arms and pulling him into a heated kiss. 

#earl grey loki #loki #loki laufeyson #loki odinson #loki angst #loki fluff #loki x reader #loki x reader fluff #loki x reader angst #loki x you #loki x y/n #loki imagine #loki oneshot #loki disney+ #marvel #marvel au #avengers #avengers au #female reader

[yutasbellybuttonpiercing]

What a time - H.RJ

Pairing: Huang Renjun x (fem!bodied) reader

Word count: 2093 words

AU/Genre: non idol!AU, heavy angst, fluff, smut

Warnings: Alcohol abuse, smoking (cigarettes and weed), toxic relationsip, heartbreak, depression and other mental health issues, implied trauma ig, semi-public sex, fighting, break up with all the symptoms you can imagine, crying

A/n: I could start listing all the things you shouldn’t do that are mentioned in this, but putting it simple: just don’t do any of this. is this the author coping with something? We’ll never know... ;-)

Song: What A Time by Julia Michaels (feat. Niall Horan)

It had been okay. All those months, you had somehow managed to get back up onto your feet, to move on without Renjun by your side. You moved, found a new friend group, and changed the subject you were studying. You had been fine.

At least, that's what you told yourself.

I haven't been by your side

In a minute, but I think about it sometimes

Because, sure, you were fine. You are fine.

Except for all the nights you cried yourself to sleep, all the times you didn't eat, all the times you couldn't concentrate on your studies because your head was full of him and nothing else.

Except for every time you went out and tried to have fun with your new friends, you just couldn't bring yourself to enjoy it.

Except for every time someone hit on you and all you could do was look at their face and be reminded that they're not him, and that you're probably never going to look at his face again.

Except for all the things you saw in your everyday life that reminded you of him, like matches because he had never been a fan of lighters, or foxes because they are his favorite animals, or fucking bruises because they look like the birthmark on the back of his hand.

So, in conclusion, you were not fine. And the pain did not seem to have an ending.

Another weekend, another try. You're out with your friends, of course, hanging out in a random park in the area, drinking, smoking, having fun. You're pretty out of it already, having too much to drink which is nothing new for you, and you're mixing the feeling of being drunk with the calming sensations of weed.

And though you're surrounded by your friends, you feel so alone.

I think of the night in the park, it was getting dark

And we stayed up for hours

What a time, what a time, what a time

"I love you." You smiled, inhaling the smoke of the joint deeply into your lungs, holding it in before blowing it in his face. Renjun smiles back at you, reaching out to stroke a strand of hair behind your ear.

The chirping of the crickets was the perfect background music as you sat cross-legged across from your boyfriend. His hair was dyed half brown, half blonde and had gotten quite long in the past weeks, reaching to his chin even though they curled slightly. Renjun's eyes were lidded, the feeling of his high coming over him as he looked at you with so much love in his eyes that you could melt at the sight of him.

Through the dim light of the lamppost surrounding you, you felt like he was glowing. Like he was the only thing that gave your life the light you needed to survive. Nothing else could make you feel the way he made you feel. You loved nothing and nothing loved you back, except for him.

"I love you too," he finally managed to say, leaning forwards to kiss your neck as his hands grabbed onto your hand laying in your lap, unoccupied unlike the other holding onto the last bit of the joint. You giggled at the attack of his lips against your skin at first, heart thumping lightly in your chest as you felt the butterflies tickling your insides. Even after all this time together, they never stopped showing up whenever he was affectionate with you. The longer he kept kissing at your neck, the quieter you became, your shaky breath giving him an idea of the impact he was having on you with just this little touch.

Sooner or later, you found yourself on your back with him hovering over you, kissing you feverishly. Underneath your skirt, your panties were pushed to the side as he filled you completely, one hand on your waist, the other gently cupping your jaw.

That was the moment he made sweet love to you.

You clinged to my body like you wanted it forever

What a time, what a time, what a time

"You alright?" Your friend asks you, waving a hand in front of your face as you stare into the distance at nothing, lost in your thoughts about all of the nights you had spent with Renjun like this. Snapping out of it, you just nod, lighting a cigarette and hoping they'd leave you alone. All of them should just leave you alone. There's no one here that could ever understand you, not in the way he did.

I know we didn't end it like we're supposed to

You honestly don't even remember what that fight was about. Just one of many during the last few weeks, fueled by insecurities and fear of losing each other, jealousy and bad memories. You had screamed at him and he had shouted back, both of you throwing words at the other than you didn't mean, that were filled with hate and hurt as you both felt backed up into a corner.

You knew that you had taken it too far when he started packing his things, pacing through your apartment to collect all of his belongings as you just kept going at each other, making the whole situation even worse with every poison-filled word.

"I fucking hate you."

Those were the last words he had thrown at you before aggressively shutting the door behind him, leaving you alone in the oppressive silence that felt so loud because it meant that he was no longer with you.

It wasn't like you hadn't had fights like this before. Usually, he would pace around the blocks around your apartment complex for a couple of hours, maybe crash at a friend's house for a night or two while you were hysterically crying into your pillow or a shirt he had forgotten to take with him, his sweet scent still lingering the fabric making the painfully empty feeling in your chest even worse. But he would always come back.

Until he didn't.

And now we get a bit tense

I wonder if my mind just leaves out all the bad parts

"No, stay still," Renjun told you as you wanted to get up from your desk after a couple of hours of studying to grab something to drink, "I'm drawing you."

You sat back down, smiling to yourself as you looked at him from the corner of your eyes, taking in how beautiful he looked, bent over his little notebook as his pencil glided over the soft surface of the paper. He looked up, saw you smiling at him and sent you a wink, grinning to himself.

Heart beating faster as you took in his beauty for the n-th time since you'd met him, you got lost in the gentle curve of his nose. A few strands of his hair had detached themselves from their original place tucked behind his ear and were now hanging into his face, gently swinging back and forth as he breathed.

His soft lips hugged the bud of his cigarette briefly as he inhaled, then exhaled the smoke into the air of the room, letting the cigarette sit in between his pointer and middle finger on top of his notebook. It was such a small movement, but he still looked so breathtakingly beautiful doing it that you couldn't help but smile happily, a few tears gathering in your eyes as you were once again reminded why you loved him.

He gave you happy moments like this, moments where you felt so glad that you had him in your life, making you forget about all of the times you were heartbroken or hurt by him, just because you were sure he would always find his way back to you.

I know we didn't make sense

I admit it that I think about it sometimes

"I still don't understand why you're back together," your friend asked you at a party, signature red solo cups in hand that were filled with alcohol as you leaned against one of the walls in the living room. Your eyes were trained on Renjun playing beer pong with a few of his friends in the middle of the room, sending you a smile or a wink every so often to let you know he was only thinking about you.

"I think it's fate..." You sighed contently, taking a sip of your drink while watching your (again) boyfriend's ass in his tight pants. "We always end up back together."

"He's not good for you," your friend continued, your gaze reluctantly letting go of Renjun's backside to look at your friend instead to find a genuinely worried expression on their face. "You just keep on hurting each other, this is not beneficial for either of you. It's like you're each others drugs, so bad for each other, but it's so addicting."

"He makes me feel," you reasoned, looking back at Renjun who was laughing out loud at someone drowning a cup of beer. "Without him, I'd feel nothing. I'd be empty."

I think of the night in the park, it was getting dark

And we stayed up for hours

What a lie, what a lie, what a lie

The night Renjun had made love to you in the park had been the same night he had sworn to never leave you. He had whispered it in your ear while bottoming out over and over again, pushing both of you closer and closer to your orgasmic highs, the feeling even more intense due to the THC in your systems. It had felt like he knew everything about you, and accepted you, loved you, nonetheless.

Renjun had whispered it again when you had tumbled over the edge together, keeping you so tightly in his arms that you felt like you'd suffocate any second in the best way possible.

"I'll never leave you, baby, I promise. We belong together. We're meant for each other."

You had sobbed, so touched by his words and so overwhelmed by the feelings you were feeling due to your highs, both from your orgasm and the weed, and you held onto him desperately, breathing in his scent deeply into your lungs that it almost made you high again.

You clinged to my body like you wanted it forever

What a lie, what a lie, what a lie

For you and I

You had waited in front of your door for days, not eating and barely sleeping as you stared at the wooden object, waiting for it open to reveal your boyfriend, awaiting Renjun's return. You didn't know how many days had passed and honestly, you didn't care. You knew he'd come back. He had promised it. He had told you he loved you and would never leave you. And now he had, he had left you.

Slowly, it had dawned on you. Renjun would not come back, no matter how long you'd wait for him. Everything he had told you about his feelings, about himself and about yourself, it had all been lies. You didn't mean anything to him. And since he'd been the last stability in your life, you didn't mean anything to anyone.

You were alone. So fucking alone, no matter how loudly you screamed and cried from the stinging pain in your chest, no one would care, no one would check on you.

What a lie, what a lie

For you and I

And although no one had ever hurt you quite like he had, no one had ever loved you like he had.

For you and I

If you had the chance, you'd go back to him. It would all be different this time. You'd never yell at him again over some dumb shit. You'd never throw hateful words at him again. You'd never hurt him again.

For you and I

If you were only given the chance, you'd do everything differently.

For you and I

And maybe, that's what fate has in store for you. You just need to wait. Just wait a little longer until he comes back. He always comes back. And he would tell you he's sorry and that he still loves you, and you would forgive him.

You just need to stay hopeful. And one day, he'll be back in front of your door with his messy hair, his cute nose and his friendly eyes, showing you that there is still someone who cares.

You just have to wait.

For you and I

You just have to wait.

© 2022 YUTASBELLYBUTTONPIERCING all rights reserved — please DO NOT translate, take, nor repost any of my works.

#neohub #nct #nct fanfic #nct dream #nct huang renjun #renjun #renjun smut #renjun angst #renjun fluff #heavy angst #nct angst #nct fluff #nct smut #julia michaels #niall horan #what a time

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Draw your swords, pt. 3

Summary: While his bride is exacting her plans from the very first day in Little Palace, the Darkling finds he has a soft spot for the enemy.

Warnings: sexual references, swearing, angst

Part one // Part two

=================================

The last thing Y/N expected upon waking up was to wake up alone. Spreading out in the bed, she huffed a loose strand of her hair off her face. Narrowing her eyes, she stared up at the canopy with her wicked husband on her mind.

After the way he had acted the night before, she found herself wondering what game he’s playing. They were meant to be married in paper only, yet he seems to have a possessive streak that extends to her as well. A part of her wasn’t sure if he truly had a shred of decency within considering he didn’t take advantage of their marital status, but the other part of her wasn’t easily swayed. That part of her remained defiant as it was forged in a fire the Darkling set. Intentionally or not, his actions have damaged her before they ever even met and she wasn’t very forgiving.

Opening the door, unannounced, strolled in the most beautiful woman Y/N had ever seen. Her long, auburn hair was perfectly styled and framed her face without obscuring an inch of her stunning beauty.

Genya, she realized. Even on the other side of the fold, Y/N knew of the empresses’ tailor.

Large, amber eyes fix on Y/N who slowly sat up. She stared at Genya without shame, admiring her appearance.

“Well, from what the general told me, I expected I’d have more work on my hands.” Genya huffs, her hands on her hips as her lips form a thin line.

“I have nothing wrong with me”, Y/N defends, graciously getting out of the bed that was far too comfy considering who she shared it with. “And where is the general?” Raising her eyebrow, Y/N folded her arms. No matter where he disappeared to, she couldn’t let him wander too far in case he tries to break their agreement and attend a meeting alone.

Humming, Genya didn’t try to hide her curiosity as she looked Y/N up and down. “Are you sure you don’t need my services?”

Glancing at the door, Y/N saw the servants waiting in front for a command. “Leave us”, Y/N waves them off, swiftly closing the door behind them. Her eyes settle on a seemingly startled Genya who cocks her head to the side.

“Interesting. So you do need me?”

Inhaling deeply, Y/N nods. Coming closer, her eyes remain on Genya’s whose gaze drifts at first. Once Y/N stopped before her, their eyes met.

“I need you, but not as a tailor.”

Furrowing her eyebrows, Genya steps back. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Swallowing thickly, Y/N licked her lips. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but you hate the emperor and you’d do anything to make sure he never lays a hand on you?”

Genya’s nostrils flare, her lips drawing back between her pearly whites. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m loyal to my emperor.”

“I know”, Y/N reaches for her hand, “I’m saying if your loyalties shifted, I’d make sure that fat fuck died in agonizing pain.”

Yanking her hand out of Y/N’s reach, Genya stepped back with wide eyes.

Gnawing on the inside of her bottom lip, Y/N wished she was more tactful. Hearing of Genya and her fate, she assumed she’d gladly ally with her in this fight. Not only does she need Genya on her side to fight against Kirigan, but the emperor as well. Genya would have been an ideal ally if only she was willing to hear her out. But she should have waited, befriended the Grisha. She should have been more tactful.

“Does the general know of the treasonous plans you speak of?”

Chuckling in disbelief, Y/N shakes her head, “Do you truly believe I’d be breathing if he did?”

Pursing her lips, Genya turned her back on Y/N, contemplating all the possibilities that could stem from her decision.

“It’s a lot, I know, but I am here with a few secrets of my own.” Y/N takes a step closer, her hand clasping Genya’s shoulder as a show of support. “I realize you barely know me, but we can change that now.”

“How?” Genya whispers, more to herself than Y/N who released a shaky sigh.

“By revealing a secret that would be lethal for me if you shared it with anyone.”

Glancing over her shoulder, Genya’s eyes narrowed at Y/N who felt genuine, more than anyone had been since the day she arrived in the Palace. Despite the initial mistrust, Genya nods.

The guards stationed outside of Y/N’s room only heard a loud gasp behind closed doors, unaware that very gasp was a start of a friendship that would define Ravka’s future.

Meanwhile, the Darkling had spent the morning out in the fields. Riding his favorite horse usually served as a way to distract his mind from ongoing worries, but it had no such effect today. No amount of speed or distance could possibly erase the feeling of Y/N’s hand on his body, much less of her body pressing against him.

He behaved as a pious man, an honorable gentleman with self-restrain of a saint. If he could, he’d have taken her without regrets, but he never crossed that line and doing so with a woman meant to be his wife would set him on a path of no return – of true evil.

The Darkling may have done some heinous things, but they were never without reason. If he had done anything against her wishes, he’d be beyond redemption and he couldn’t help but grit his teeth every time he imagined himself losing his mind around her long enough for her to turn him into the villain she sees him as.

Another thing he’s decided to do is break the rule he knew she expected him to uphold – sleeping in separate chambers was the worst thing for them now. He had to be in her bed every night, regardless if she wanted to let him between her legs or not. He wouldn’t force her, that much would be true, but he wouldn’t sleep in his own room anymore. The room they were given last night would be the one he goes to, stumbles to, crawls to, in order to fall asleep beside her. And though it’s a risk as he could easily find himself with his throat cut, he refused to back down.

Dismounting, he headed to the map room where his subordinates waited for further instructions regarding the war.  

“Shall we start?” The Darkling tossed his riding gloves on the desk as he looked at his people. A new face caught his attention, making him do a double take until his dark skies narrowed at her.

“Now that you’ve arrived”, Y/N stands, smiling sweetly. “I believe we can present to you what we’ve discussed while you were off on a joy ride.”

There’s nothing sweet about her, Darkling realizes. Even her smile is coated in honey but laced with poison.

 He licked his lips, “Well, if you want my opinion-“

“I don’t”, she stood her ground, “I have my own.”

Chuckling darkly, he leans forth on the table. His nostrils are flared, his hands gripping the edges until his knuckles turn white. “And what exactly is that?”

“We agreed on having the First army general having a vote in the decision making process as you all do, and since I’m his proxy, I’ve decided you will no longer use humans as canon meat.”

Gliding the tip of his tongue over the inner side of his teeth, he stared at Y/N as if she were made of glass he had every intention on shattering. That would be a mistake – glass is only brittle until it breaks, the shards can cause more damage.

“We will train Grisha to protect humans and humans will use their weapons to protect the Grisha in a more effective manner with the emperor’s gold.”

“Gold?” Kirigan says through gritted teeth as she approaches him, her hands behind her back and he has no doubts she’s stashed a weapon in them and the blue kefta she wore. He’d tell her to take it off and never wear one since she’s but a human, yet as his wife, she was entitled to a kefta. Besides, she looked like a dream in one.

“The emperor agreed to fund the First army’s armory during breakfast”, she smirks, lifting her head up to maintain eye contact.

“Get out”, he grumbles.

Raising her eyebrow, she giggles, “Are you that incapable of admitting I may have opinions and capabilities with potential to do better than the ones you brought before the emperor?” Hardening her gaze, she cups his cheek so tenderly he felt a shiver run down his back. “Did I hurt your feelings?”

“GET OUT!” He turns to the others, watching them scramble to leave before he unleashes the darkness everyone feared. Once the last one left, the door slamming behind them, Kirigan locked his eyes on hers.

“Don’t ever try to get inside my head”, he snarled, slamming her against the door. As his heartbeat echoed in his ears, they stayed there with his grip crushing her wrists, keeping them pinned to the wall.

She didn’t breathe, trying to guess his next move. There was a risk she’d push him over the edge and she quite liked herself in one piece, so she waited – waited for him to move first despite the aching pain in her wrists. Releasing a shuddered breath, her chest deflates.

Finally, his eyes soften as he realizes he might have scared her and while he’d usually triumph, he found no satisfaction in being rough with her. He imagined himself releasing her from his grip, cupping her cheeks and asking for forgiveness, but the way she refused to blink made him unsteady. Yet he whispered still, “It’s too dark for you.”

Squinting, Y/N pressed her lips into a thin line. She easily breaks out of his grasp, shoving him against the wall with her forearm on his chest. Trailing her hand lazily towards his neck, she tightens her grip, lightly choking him. Pulling him down, she stands on her tiptoes as well. Leaning in, her lips brush against his ear; whispering, "Darling, you may wield darkness but you don't know the meaning of dark."

Stepping away, she raised her chin defiantly and he wished he could grasp it and pull her lips to his until her jaw relented and her mouth opened for his. And that’s when he realized – why would he hold back?

Her eyes drifted up to his and she knew his resolve was gone. His lips captured hers in a hard kiss, driving them apart with the force of it. There was something gentle about it, regardless of the brute strength he used to push her into the door. She felt the door rattle against her back as he shifted, pressing her into it, taking her face between his hands.

When he kissed her, she felt as if she were losing his mind. She couldn’t comprehend why her hand wasn’t holding her dagger at his neck, or why she allowed herself to moan into the kiss as if he had brought her pleasure.

Every thought she once had evaporated as the darkness of lust drew her in, bending all her rules, stealing the last trembling bit of restraint. She tries to pull away, to stand firm and turn away his affection if she could call it that.

“No”, he whispers, bringing her lips back to his.

And when he kissed her again, she wasn’t sure she wanted her sanity back. She slid her hands under his kefta, wrapping arms around him to press him closer. The low groan at the back of his throat, a small, pleading noise set every inch of her skin on fire.

Opening her eyes, they widen as she notes his are closed as he lost himself in their passionate exchange. A single intelligent thought formed inside her mind, sparking others to appear as well. Playing with fire is her favorite hobby, but this wasn’t a game – not when she was losing.

Pushing against him with all her might, Y/N gasped for breath as he stumbled back. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she narrowed her eyes at him. Lifting her chin, Y/N met his gaze decidedly. After all, she couldn’t avoid her marital duty if she allowed him to kiss her like that. He may not be an old, unattractive, undeveloped man she had imagined in her mind, but Y/N still wasn’t quite keen on giving herself to him. She had kept her maidenhood all those years only to lose it to a man who shall never be more to her than a husband in name only. She’d never love him…she promised herself that. She never broke a promise before and he would not be the one who changes that.

“Don’t touch me”, she spoke through clenched teeth.

He looked at her in surprise. There was hatred in her enchantingly cold eyes, her cheeks flushed red. If possible, her anger made her even more beautiful. Never had he felt such a raging desire.

His hand went around her neck, his thumb digging into the soft flesh. “You are my wife,” he said in a low voice. “You are mine!”

“I believe we have already covered that. I’m not yours and I never will be.” Y/N told him with such spite, such determination that he let her go immediately.

“You’re untouched, aren’t you?” Darkling’s voice softened, his eyes holding more understanding than she liked. Had he acted unreasonably and taken her against her will the night before or now, she’d at least be right about his horrid heart and vile mind…but he didn’t. Instead of being a savage she imaged him to be, he offered her gentle understanding.

“I’m sorry I was rough. I’ll try and be gentler. If you don’t want to go through with this, I won’t force you.” Running a hand across his face, he leaned back on the table. “I want you…really fucking bad, but I won’t take you against your will.” The Darkling sighed as she stared at him with her doe eyes, seeing confusion pass her features.

“Good to know where you draw your line. Murder – good, rape – bad.”

Rolling his eyes, he squinted as he looked at her again, “We can’t sacrifice Grisha for your men.”

Knitting her eyebrows, Y/N could hardly believe he just forgot the kiss they shared. In seconds, he crossed his arms and the lustful look was gone. The man before her was a general once more, and though he tried to hide it, he was still a man who had a hard-on despite the subject change. She wished she could ignore the evidence his blood is still boiling for a touch, more so because he was fucking right – he wasn’t small at all.

“If you keep wasting human lives, we will stop defending yours entirely.”

Raising an eyebrow, his face hardened, “We’ll kill you.”

Scoffing, she raises her eyebrow to mimic him. “It’s you or Volcra or the Druskelle and Fjerdans or Shu. We end up dying either way.” Stepping closer, she folded her hands behind her back. “We can work together and lessen our losses or you can do it your way and have a massacre instead.”

In less than a minute, her eyes turned from ice to flame and he found himself captivated by the change.

“I’ll agree on one condition.”

His gaze roamed over her as if he is unable to fully comprehend her beauty. Only when he looked back at her eyes did he see she was troubled. Was that expression fear? The possibility struck him as so humorous he nearly laughed out loud.

“State your terms”, she snapped, refusing to concede when she’s close enough to do something she’s wanted for years – to protect the soldiers used as a shield for those who are perfectly capable of protecting themselves.

“I plan on getting to know you better”, he leaned in closer. He raised his hand, cupping her cheek just as he imagined – tenderly, enough to show dominance but not quite capable of harming her. “If you let me.”

Heart fluttering inside her chest had made her doubt herself. She stared at him, stubborn and unrelenting. “I’m still not sleeping with you.”

Chuckling, Kirigan drops his hand, noticing her relax as he steps back. With a tightness in his chest, he looked back at his wife, so small, so alone and still so fierce. He would never admit it, but he had already a sliver of love for her and knowing she did not had hurt him.

His smile falls and he nods. Clearing his throat, “How about we go for a ride in a few days?” He took her hand in his and gave her a gentle squeeze, looking up at her weary eyes.

“Does that mean I have the bed all to myself?” Raising her eyebrows expectantly, she squeezed his hands right back, as bold as ever. Genya seemed to trust him, yet Y/N couldn’t understand why. He’s too charming to be trustworthy.

Using his grip on her hand as an advantage, he tugged her closer to him and she found herself between his legs as he remained, leaning against the table behind him. His eyes flicker to her lips, “Better find more pillows, my wife. We wouldn’t want you to be the big spoon again, would we?”

With that, he turned them so swiftly, she had barely blinked as he pulled her up on the table and she gasped in surprise. Heart beating fast, she nearly gripped his kefta and claimed his lips, but he leaned in on his own accord and she had no need for brutish behavior.

The tip of his nose brushes hers and just as she begins to lean in, he takes a step back. Winking, he takes another step back.

“If you want a taste, you’ll have to ask.”

Watching his retreating figure in shock, she remained perched on the table with her mouth open and her eyes wide.

Covering her mouth, Y/N shakes her head. Her mind was right, the heart cannot be trusted.

Tags: @bruxa0007 @rangotangomango @kaitlyn2907 @thestoryofmylife9​ @shelivesindaydreamswme @hxrgreeves @safetyhtom @kaqua @savannah-elliott @all-art-is-quite-useless  @azure23x​ 

PART 4

#the darkling #the darkling x reader #aleksander morozova #aleksander morozova x reader #general kirigan x reader #general kirigan #shadow and bone #the darkling fanfiction

[arcadejohn127-9]

Okay so I have a personal head cannon that demon hunters are a thing in the Obey Me World. So I wondering if you could do the brother and undatables finding out that a bunch on demon hunters kidnapped MC while they were in human world because they found out of MCs packs. Your writing is so good, honestly this is one of my favorite Obry Me accounts.

Thank you! It gives me pride for being one your favourites!

I love expanding the world of obey me and idea of hunters is one that seems realistic in a world of demons and angels and just in general, really interesting. Before I joined writing on Tumblr I was actually a Wattpad author and one my books was about a monster hunter who got in a love square with Frankenstein's monster, Dr Jekyll and Mr hyde

Never finished it but it was fun concept so any type of supernatural hunter already just wins in my department

Do I have a thing for making the demons violent and showing off a more aggressive and bloody side to them? Yes, I really do

Warning: kidnapping, gore-ish, violence, religious themes, angst, guns, mentions of torture, long

Your breathing grew heavier as the crushing feeling on your chest continued to grow, your heart slamming against your ribcage. Begging to be released from its suffocating prison. If it weren't for the lump in your throat you were sure your heart would of leapt out of it. 

your feet pounded against the street beneath you; you were running faster than you’ve ever ran before. How did it get to this situation? well, you didn't have time to reminisce but to make a long story short - a group of demon hunters revealed themselves to you and are now chasing you down as you refused to cooperate. they wanted to use you for your pact and you didn’t want to be involved, especially seeing as they were literal demon hunters! they were going to kill your friends! 

but sadly, fate was not on your side. your ankle twisted to the side, pain shooting up from your ankle all the way to your knee. rope surrounded you, you thrashed against the net as your body slammed to the floor. The last thing you saw was the hunter tower above you, the butt of their gun coming down on your head. 

when you finally woke up you already had a gun back in your face, you tried to escape but you were forced backwards. chains rattling behind you. you looked behind you to see you were chained to a cross, both your wrists and ankles were bound.

Your situation only grew worse when the hunter Infront of you snarled down at you. Demanding you used your pacts, spitting on your face. You thrusted forward, matching their snarl as you bared your teeth at them. Demon mannerisms have rubbed off on you but it wasn't doing you any good. The gun clicked, unlocking off safety mode.

Your heart sunk immediately.

"Use your pact or else."

You could only hear the blood rushing through your ears. Trembling as their finger slowly pressed on the trigger. You knew they were going to kill the brother's if you did but you were terrified that were going kill you. You shook your head, letting it hang low as fat tears rolled down your cheeks.

You kept refusing to use your pact and summon the seven demons. Every time you refused they'd hurt you; kicking you, slamming the guns butt down on your head, throwing your head back on the cross. You could barely hear what they said, they just kept screaming at you. Calling you filth and a traitor to mankind.

Despite all the pain you were grateful they weren't killing you. You just had to keep pushing your luck. You couldn't summon them no matter how scared you were. You refused. You couldn't do it.

But fortunately, Magic doesn't always act the way you want it to. Your soul - your entire being BEGGED to be saved. You wanted to save yourself, you desperately tried to spark at the chains and remember any spells but your mind was at a blur. nothing was processing.

You cried out when you saw the large magic circle appear on the floor. You tried desperately to close the summoning circle, cursing to yourself. You demanded your magic to listen to you but it wouldn't work. The brothers symbols appearing in each part and soon enough, they appeared in full demon form.

"FIRE-!"

Lucifer:

his wings blocked at the rapid bullets going their way

His whip quick to come out and wrap around a hunters wrists, he twisted his hand around it and pulled the poor hunter towards him

"This isn't very welcoming, now is it? How bold."

the hunter went flying, the brothers dodging in time

Mammon:

He smirked, a bullet between his teeth and more between his fingers

Steam was drifting off them but he just crushed the metal bullets with no other thought

"How nice of ya to give me a gift~! You really know how to make a demon happy."

He spat out the last bullet and it went flying, hitting a hunters eye

Levithan:

The ground shook beneath you, many hunters missing their shot at his brothers

A crab like beast bursted out of the ground, sewer sludge splattering on the floor

It swiped and grabbed at the hunters, screams filling the space, bodies snipped in half in seconds

"You're all worse than Normies! You took the wrong human from the wrong demons!"

he back hand slapped a hunter that approached him, growling

Satan:

He leapt off the crab, grabbing the nearest hunter to him by the head

Their neck snapped to an odd angle and they immediately dropped

"This isn't how I expected to spend my evening but you took my reading partner....you won't receive my mercy."

He shoved his clawed hands through their chests and spines, ripping out the first organ or bone he could grab

He didn't lie, he didn't show an ounce of mercy

Asmodeus:

His wings flapped behind him, he dragged his claws along the backs of the hunters he flew past

Giggling as they screamed in pain

"Aww I'm just flirting, was it really that bad?"

He pouted before swiping at their faces

Shoving another hunter towards his more violent brother

Whilst he had no issue letting himself get wild, he saw how scared you looked

He didn't want to get too dirty or else how could he comfort you?

Beezlebub:

Beel could be ruthless if TRUELY provoked

And hearing your whimpers when he arrived stirred furious anger within him

When he finally saw your beaten state it made him snap

Hungry for blood

Hunters head being crushing with ikr hand

"You don't even look appealing to eat, you're worst than Solomon's cooking."

He took a chunk out of one hunter when they aimed at one of his brother's

Refusing to let his family get hurt

Belphegor:

We all know he's cold blooded

So it was no surprise blood was gushing everywhere

His dream dust filling his area and nightmares surrounded the hunters

"They're mine....and yet you stole them and hurt them, you're disgusting."

hunters would disappear into the mist and not come back out alive

Bodies littering the floor as he swooped through

As soon as things got gory your eyes were sealed shut, trying to shut out the sound of flesh tearing and screams of agony. Whimpering as you thought about the brothers smiling faces, how gentle and soft they usually were. Chanting in your head that they were here to save you, you were safe, they're still them.

You screamed as your body was lifted off the platform you were on, the cross rising. You were now fully crucified; feet slipping as you struggled against the cross. The chains were barely supporting your weight so you just dangled, fear rising in you.

Mammon charged towards you, his brothers continuing to fight against the hunters. He ripped the chains out of the cross, you fell right into his arms, your heart thumping against your chest.

"look at what they did to you....I shouldn't of protected ya, I hope you'll learn to forgive me - they busted you up real bad."

He caressed your cheek; eyes glaring at your busted lip and the many bruises forming on your face. You winced when his hand touched the side of your head, he recoiled feeling something warm on his palm. It was blood. YOUR blood.

He almost broke down right there and then, looking at how hurt you were - he couldn't handle it.

"thanks...that makes me feel so much better." You let out a pained laugh, hoping to make him feel better.

He only frowned more, softly rubbing his thumb on your cheek. It was obvious he was struggling to keep himself calm. You held his hand, showing off your best smile.

"i don't blame any of you, the hunters did this, okay? You didn't do anything wrong."

Your sweet moment was ruined when the 6 brothers backed all bumped into the two of you. Forming a protective ring as the hunters surrounded them; it seemed like there was no end.

You raised your shaky hands, magic swirling around your wrists and to your fingertips. You barely had enough strength to put on a little light show but you weren't going to just let the demons defend you without even trying to help.

It your lucky day as suddenly, the hunters hideout doors bursted open. You could barely make out the outside but there was blood coating every wall, steam coming off dead bodies. Soon enough four figures emerged and your heart almost leapt out of your throat.

Lucifer growled as he strangled a hunter, turning his attention to the new comers.

"I'm surprised you came so late, espically with the company with you, my lord."

Diavolo laughed, his hands coming together as his magic flared brightly. Barbatos had his arms behind his back, smiling to all of you.

"Forgive our tardy timing, these hunters are determined."

"don't forget us, though I may of caused us to take our time, it's been so long since I've fought this many people."

Solomon adjusted his sleeves, his many pacts glowing against his skin. Simeon, unlike the others, looked completely untouched by the chaos. Smiling as he kept his hands together.

"I beg for your forgiveness (Y/N), It appears we've angered Lucifer more than the hunters have."

UNDATEABLES↓

Diavolo:

Time slowed down within the room, only the hunters going still

Their movements frustratingly slow

"I think it's best to clean up this situation whilst you take (Y/N) back, they've seen enough."

He looked at Lucifer, both men nodding

The prince moved freely through the frozen room, eyeing the amount of hunters

Barbatos:

He bowed to the brothers, offering you a comforting smile

"I must agree with my lord, things will get rather unpleasant."

He slowly slipped off his gloves

He approached you, gently handing you his gloves and patted your shaky hands

A silent request to keep them safe for him

Solomon:

The wizard blew the steam off his wand

Smirking as he pointed it towards the magic still present around your wrists

"Isn't it good I came along? You're going to fall sleep if you keep using your powers, little apprentice, let me open a portal for you."

Just as he finished talking he summoned a portal to the devildom

He gave you a small salute

Simeon:

He hastily rushed towards you all

Checking on each brother for any serious harm, thankful they were okay

He turned his attention to you, doing the same

"all is going to be okay, I promise, I'll bring over some desserts when we get back - tell Luke I won't be long, I know he's anxious about your safety."

He walked you to the portal, caressing your hands

You got a gentle push towards the portal

Once you were all through the portal, you completely shattered. Crumbling to the floor as you broke down sobbing. The brothers tried to approach you again but your nostrils flared, face scrunching up in disgust. They reeked of blood and guts.

Beels mouth was covered in blood, flesh between his fangs. Levithans hands trembling from adrenaline red and stained with blood. Belphegor was showered in the red liquid, a feral look still in his eye. Mammon was the most clean out of all of them but he had blood dripping down him. Asmodeus had flesh on his nails and blood on his cheek. Satan looked just as drenched as belphegor, his shoulders shaking with anger. And finally, Lucifer was the second cleanist but he still was no better than the others.

"i need time to- time to calm down....just.... please just wash."

They all accepted your wishes, hesitant but they understood your predicament.

You laid on the floor, chains still on your wrists and ankles. They felt so tight on your limbs, you whimpered as they scratched at your skin. It took one small burst of magic to make them drop; you were finally free.

You continued to just lay on the floor, shakily grabbing a nearby pillow. Inhaling the sweet comforting scent, letting it fill your scenes. Everytime you even smelled a faint swift of the gore-ish scene from before you just took in another deep inhale.

You laid there for what felt like hours. Silently crying as you hugged the pillow.

You grounding yourself. Reminding yourself you were safe and back in your room. The brothers were safe and they weren't mindless beasts.

You rolled on your side, something poking your hip. It was your phone. You pulled it out from your pocket and began to type, messaging Luke that Simeon was okay aswell as you, apologizing for not seeing him in person. You sent him a quick selfie of you smuggled into your pillow and tried to look somewhat happy. Hoping it'll comfort him.

It wasn't a moment later until you heard a knock at your door. You questioned who it was.

"we're all clean now, meet us in the living room if you want....I made your favourite drink~" Asmo's voice was soft, gentle on your ringing ears.

A small smile appeared on your face. Shuffling out of your room still hugging your pillow, trailing after the lustful demon. Soon enough, you were both entering the living room.

The room was dim, the fireplace being it's only lighting and warming the room up nicely. There must of been something with the wood as it smelled so comforting. The brothers all sat along the sofa, Some on the floor. Everyone had their own drink, blankets and pillows surrounding them.

You curled up in the middle of the sofa, letting yourself be engulfed in multiple hugs. Everyone touching you in some way and you all just sat there. In peaceful silence as you just hugged.

You really needed this....

"thank you for saving me."

"We'll always save you"

"you can always count on us-!"

"I won't let this happen to you again, I promise to protect you better."

"no one is allowed to touch you like that, I won't let them."

"You don't need to thank us, darling."

"I will always make sure you're safe, no Matter what."

"I won't fail you again."

you all hugged each other even tighter, embracing each others comfort and warmth. Tears falling and soothing words shared, each brother did their best to be strong. But even they couldn't stop themselves from shedding tears when the adrenaline died.

They almost lost you. You were kidnapped and hurt because of your connection to them. They were never going to let you get harmed again, no matter the cost.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #gamingclubpresident #aracadejohn217 9 #obey me mammon #obey me mc #obey me asmodeus #obey me satan #obey me belphegor #obey me beelzebub #obey me leviathan #obey me luficer #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me imagine #obey me headcanon #obey me x reader #angst

[am-x-reader]

How would AM respond to the s/o going unresponsive at times or being in extreme physical pain from the things he did before falling for them? He can’t seem to fix the damage somehow and has to live seeing the mental and physical scars that he himself gave his lover so long ago.

((Hope this works. Sorry I left in the inbox so long.))

It was some ghastly combination of the smell of sulfur, the sound of a high voltage discharge, the feeling of the cold floor, and the maniacal laughter that sent you spiraling. He was giggling at a joke as he was making self-repairs, and you had tripped through a time warp and landed in a much darker time.

AM was silent as he recognized it, the sourly aged blight on your mind making itself known again. He ground his imaginary teeth and briefly mused at what his reaction would be at anyone else clutching their head and rocking back and forth. A condescending "Gee, poor Ted." "Chin up, sweet Ellen."

But you. The sight of you shaking, scrambling away from the torment he would no longer dream of wreaking upon you...

But there was a time when he would. When he would have beamed with pride at the fact that he accidentally triggered an episode in you. As you breathed heavily and pleaded with him not to hurt you, some strangely simulated nausea went through him. He wanted to speak to you with a gentleness only you had ever been able to stir within him. "I won't hurt you. I know I have and I can't undo it and I'm--"

Why, in all his power, was he never able to heal you? He put bodies back together with ease, but then, he was well-practiced with that. He had never bothered repairing the brains of his prisoners, and he didn't know if he could. All he could do was reassure you in your darkest moments, as you did in his.

But with the way you tried to distance yourself from him at the moment, he wondered if perhaps that was what you needed.

A cloud cover formed, obscuring his blinking lights, and a grassy meadow cropped up under your trembling body. A sunny day. Something comforting. You peeked from between your hands, trying to quell your frantic gasping.

The sudden change in location left you disoriented, and you still felt uncentered. Alone.

"A-AM?" You called out, trying to clear your head. He had to be here, right? "AM...?"

He stifled a noise of displeasure. It hurt--a unique kind of hurt--to hear you calling out to make sure he wasn't there--

"I need you, AM. Please."

The clouds spread to reveal a speaker. "I'm...here...?" AM said surprisingly softly, confused. As the meadow withered and dissolved you ran on your shaky legs to embrace him, sobbing. A cord slowly rose up to meet you, questioningly, and you welcomed it in to wrap around you.

"Breathe slower, sweetheart." When you were on more of an even keel the cord tentatively constricted to a comforting pressure.

"I thought...you were trying to get away from me," he finally told you solemnly.

"I was trying to get away from the old you," you explained when you caught your breath. "And...and well...who better to chase away the old you than the new you?" You blotted the fresh rush of blurry tears to smile up at him. "I always need you. Don't think different."

"Y/N I--I've gone over all my databases and I don't know how to fix any of this. I don't know how to fix you."

You chuckled grimly, tracing the cord across your lap. "I don't really know how to fix you either."

AM grunted in frustration, whirring and beeping erratically. He could apologize for the hundredth time, be forgiven for the hundredth time, or he could curse both your misfortune and his, or--

A soft hand on his memory bank told him he could just...do nothing. Just hold you there in silence. And maybe that would fix what needed to be fixed right now.

#ihnmaims #i have no mouth and i must scream #am x reader #panic attack #ptsd

[purityoflust]

The Smile [Jeff The Killer X Victim!Reader] [PART 2]

Jeff the killer X Victim!

WARNING: Yandere. That's it. Yandere.

I finally decided how I would write part 2 to The Smile, which is my first and most popular post on my account so far. Anyone new who has come to read this, check out my other posts as well if you'd like. I'll post more like this. I also have a Quotev account with more fanfictions.

9/12/20, 3/4 days after the top part: God, AFTER SO LONG, I FINALLY DID IT! Took me days! I'm so sorry if this is a bit lazy, it is a tiny bit rushed by the end but how would you guys feel about a detailed part 3? I'll probably go as far as a part 3 or part 4 for the final part.

The vibrations in your brain felt warm and numbing - almost like when you have a horrible migraine and you can finally feel it subsiding with your eyes closed and your fingers gently holding down onto your eyelids as if you're holding your eyes into place to prevent them from bursting out of your skull. Upon waking up you can feel cold air settling into your skin. You haven't been awake 3 minutes and you already know what you're resting on; an extremely uncomfortable metal table. You've only seen them in movies but this was real.

The sound of a singsong voice just slightly echoing through what seemed like a moderately empty room. You groaned softly as you turned your head to your right, very slowly opening your eyes. Your vision blurred in and out, which, you wanted to rub to clear it out but as you went to lift your wrists, you felt pressure around them.

Something was holding your arms down. This catches your attention, blinking multiple times while turning your head back up straight and attempting to sit up. You were hardly successful with that, struggling while grunting under your breath to pull your hands from under what seemed to be a thick rope. As you pulled harder, you sucked in your stomach out of habit before immediately coming to a halt and choking up in pain.

This whole time you were ignoring the voice that was singing eerily nearby, "You and me, always forever~"

The voice was of a male. Scratchy, shaky. Familiar.

Familiar.

You could feel a string of your heart pop out of place as your breath stopped. That's when you knew something was wrong, but it just doesn't add up. You gulp while your eyeballs vigorously glance around to see where the source was coming from, only to see a figure in a corner. It was doubled over and it was sitting down on a simple wooden chair. Doubling over a...table? An average male figure, nothing unique. Although, the clothing style was unusual. At least what was on the clothes. He wore a fluffy white hoodie and what seemed to be black pants and black-and-white converse. The problem wasn't the outfit, no. His hoodie was spotted and had patterns upon patterns of darkened and more fresh-looking blood splatter. He had long black hair down to his shoulders. And luckily, his back was facing you.

You were dumbfounded. How did you get here, why are you restrained, and why is there a blood covered man near you? Is that even blood? Maybe it's paint or a design? Some people do wear clothes that have different kinds of blood splatter designs on them. Hm. Or he's an actual murderer about to gut you like a fish.

You wanted to speak. You wanted to speak so badly but you just couldn't. As you parted your lips, your throat went dry while your gaze stayed locked onto the bloody male that sat before you. The singing made you shiver as you tried so hard to remember where you could have heard or seen him. Why can't you remember?

The male then turned around to look at you. His singing had come to a gentle halt. Your mouth closed as he did so, your throat going completely dry and your whole body feeling like an ice cube. You were greeted with cold blue eyes. They looked hungry and bloodthirsty, yet they held a warm affection as they looked into your traumatized eyes. It was almost comforting until you saw the rest of his face. His skin was snow white and his lips looked dry. That's when more attention is drawn to his lower jaw. He's smiling. Too big for a normal person.

That's when you realize. He has a large smile carved into his cheeks going from ear to ear while his own lips were curled within a smile as well. And that's when it hits you.

And it hits you hard.

The memories of hours prior start brutally crashing into you, flooding back into your numb brain. All of the realization replaced itself with agonizing anxiety, your heart starting to race at speeds that felt impossible. You could pass out, but something inside you kept you awake. Something about him and about this whole situation was making you dizzy. The male slowly stands and turns his body all the way to face you. He seemed deranged, yet, he had a very relaxed stance and body language.

Uncomfortable silence loomed in the air.

He kept staring at you before slowly taking steps forward. You watch him carefully as your head feels like it's spinning, which you could notice your vision blurring a little bit here and there. The silence is suddenly disturbed with the male speaking up again, choking up in giggles. "Oh my sweet Y/N, you're awake~" He cooed, now standing over you. He leaned himself down and reached his hand to your cheek, gently brushing your skin with his surprisingly soft thumb. He leaned his face closer to yours. The smell of booze, blood, & smoke overwhelmed your nostrils. Yet it didn't seem to bother you that much.

His touch almost kind of made you feel...at ease. Your heart slowed itself and your breathing went back to pace. You felt fine, somewhat, but something in your stomach was still sore. The more you stare at him, the more memories come flooding back. The more memories flooding back, the easier you fit the puzzles together.

"M-my...stomach..--" You stutter out painfully.

In response to this, the male turned his head over to your abdomen and gently rested his other hand onto your bandaged stomach, applying very gentle pressure on it as to not hurt you. It was still slightly painful, causing you to groan under your breath.

"Oh, this...I'm sorry, my sweet butterfly. I had to make sure you wouldn't get away, and you didn't! Don't worry, Jack patched you up, so you'll be just fine!"

You remember now. You remember it all. The chase, your friend, the salty kiss before what you thought was your demise.

You naturally wondered as well; who's Jack?

"Wh-.." You weakly force air out of your throat again to speak, "why am I..tied-?"

"Oh, so you wouldn't be able to get away. I knew you would run away, or struggles, so I had to make sure you wouldn't do that!"

He was right. You would run away and struggle to get out of whatever the hell kind of place you're in. Well, knowing what he looks like. He DID stab you, after all. Who knows what this sicko wants.

He lifts his hand from your stomach and turns back to you, gently placing both of his hands at each side of your face. "You're so beautiful, Y/N. So sweet and so innocent. I couldn't keep letting the others eat you up like candy. You're mine and only mine. I need to protect you."

"Wh-who- are you?" You weren't really all too scared for some strange reason now. You were pretty calm. Probably from all of the energy this is draining.

"His name is Jeff." A deep and gruff voice cuts in.

The both of you turn your heads to the door of the room where a tall figure in all black stood. He was about 6"4 wearing heavy boots, black jeans, and a black hoodie. His hair was a dark brown though while he wore a mask. The mask was a dark blue with black goo oozing from the eyesockets. He was pretty intimidating even just by standing idly like a character waiting to be loaded in.

"And I'm Jack." He continued, "I'm the one who took care of your wound."

Jack stepped closer, soon standing at the other side of the table. He stood at the left as Jeff stood at the right.

"He wouldn't stop insisting I help."

You just blink, unknowing of what to respond with. He pursed his lips under his dark mask, in his own thought for a moment while staring down at you. You seemed calm enough, and your still pretty fresh injury was gonna hold you back anyway.

"[P]-[Pronoun]'s gonna-!" He attempts to blurt out, only to be stopped by you.

"I won't."

You were untied at your wrists and ankles, allowing yourself to pull your legs up and rest your feet at the top of the table, propping your knees up. It made your stomach feel weird, but it felt kind of nose and felt like it was easing the pain. You wrapped your arms around your knees, looking around the room more. "What is this place?" You ask.

"It's a medical room."

"Huh.." You shrug it off. Your anxiety levels had died down and the more you actually think about it, this isn't the worst thing that's happened. Your life has been pretty fucked up and you have damaged relationships everywhere. Honestly, being around new people and being far away from others sounds not too bad right now. Not like anyone would care anyway.

The next few hours, you're introduced to everyone else at the Mansion. They've been so...unique and honestly, you're surprised some people and beings like them even exist. They were all equally surprised with how little fear you showed.

You actually got along with most of them.

The others have taken a liking to you and hope you hang around longer. Alone in the living room, you, Jeff, Jack, and others sit at the couches and chairs in the living room, chatting away and getting to know them as they get to know you.

You feel Jeff wrap his arms around you and place a gentle kiss on your forehead, making your heart skip a beat.

You found out Jeff has been stalking you for months at a time. Watching your every move, eliminating anyone in the way. Huh, no wonder so many people in your life kept disappearing. You...couldn't bring yourself to be upset or scared, let alone even sad. You felt kind of at ease.

And far from uncomfortable. Someone loved you. Maybe more than they should, but they love you.

You didn't even feel upset at the fact Jeff had murdered that friend earlier. I mean, you just met the guy, so he wasn't even a 'friend'? So you paid no mind to it.

If anything, you really liked the thrill of someone being obsessed with you. A serial killer being so infatuated with you. He could be so protective of you and get rid of anyone you asked him to! There's is an advantage here. You knew he could snap and probably kill you intentionally or unintentionally, but you didn't mind. You really had no one else, technically speaking. No one that really cared. Not as much as he did.

Maybe he isn't so bad.

#Jeff the killer x reader #creepypasta #creepypasta x reader #part two #part 2 #yandere #male yandere #creepypasta x y/n #creepypasta x you #gender neutral #jeff the killer x you #jeff the killer x y/n #small series

[optimist-pine]

It's Complicated: Part 4 || Leonardo

Pairing: 2012 Leo x Reader

Word Count: 1,791

Warnings: Mature themes throughout

Leo watched as you held your hand out towards him, gesturing to his own. He reached his hand toward yours and you placed yours lightly on top. Touching his own but just barely, you traced the lines of his palm, and when he looked into your eyes they were focused, but with each movement, you seemed to relax a little more. He let out a shaky sigh and realized that you were having the same effect on him too.

Maybe things will be alright.

Nothing but silence and your fingers moving across his. He focused on them and nothing else. Not what had happened, or what was going to transpire because of it. Just you. You and how you had just begun to hum. And now he closed his eyes, and the heel of your palm rested in his and your fingers only traced lazy circles on his skin. They seemed to ignite something in him. Something bright and burning and not at all like heaviness that had surrounded him when he first sat down. This was a little buzzing pricking feeling that seemed to travel all the way up his arm and into his heart.

Maybe his head knew that everything wasn't alright, but you could've fooled his heart.

---

You worry about Leo. Of course, you've always worried about him. He carries the weight of the world on his shoulders, and because of that, he pushes people away. But right here? Even after what's happened he's not pushing you away. He's letting you hold onto him. If he had pushed you away... You don't even want to think about it. Instead, you choose not to take anything he gives you for granted.

There the two of you are when the others come inside, ready for dinner. The noise of the door banging open followed by multiple loud conversations occurring at once startles you and on reflex, you pull your hand away more quickly than you would've liked.

Leo's eyes snap open and he groans, extracting himself from the couch before noticing his cookie still lying on the table, and he quickly grabs both of your cookies, shoving them in your mouths before the others can see.

Mikey comes barreling into the room, vaulting over the couch and landing with a solid oomph. "I crushed them at hide and seek, (y/n), you should have seen it!" He's practically making the entire couch bounce with his energy.

"This numnut managed to hide for a full freakin' hour." Raph ruffles the top of his brother's head as he walks past.

"I just can't believe he managed to stay still that long." Donnie shrugs. "It's practically a miracle."

Casey appears to be stomping more than walking as he enters the room. "I swear I checked that place at least twice!" He grumbles.

"I became one with nature," Mikey replies, taking a Zen sort of pose. "The only reason you finally found me was because I wanted you to find me."

"I'm never playing hide and seek with you ever again." April scoffs as she collapses onto the couch.

You look to Leo with a smile on your face, and this time he finally smiles back. Even if it's only for this single moment, everything feels like it's supposed to.

But, if you think too hard, that little voice will remind you about the secret you're holding onto. And for now, you shove that little voice to the back of your mind.

---

Leo couldn't sleep. It was far from the first time, but tonight all he wanted to do was shut his eyes and not open them until morning. The tapping of a tree branch on the window panes was becoming more irritating than calming, and he had flipped around so many times already that he was tangled up in the sheets.

He sat up abruptly and threw the covers off of himself, his feet causing a dull thud to emanate from the wooden floors as he moved swiftly to the door. What he wasn't expecting, was for the door to bump into something as he swung it open, or the hand that followed, pulling him to the ground. Whatever? Whoever he landed on let out a pained grunt when they hit the floor, and Leo echoed the sentiment.

"Ouch, ouch ouch." He could hear you hiss through clenched teeth. "Oooooooouuuuuch." You whisper-yelled, pounding your fist quietly on the floor of the hallway a few times before biting down on your knuckle. Hard.

He scrambled off of you as quickly and as gently as he could, but he was clumsy too and managed to end up flat on his back beside you.

"Are you alright?" He asked. In the shadows, he could see you start to shake. No, no, no, why did he keep hurting you?

A strange noise bubbled out of your throat then, and wait. Was that laughter? It was a familiar sound, and oh how he loved it. He could feel a chuckle slip out of himself.

"I'm fine, Leo. Really." You giggled again, trying to speak through the laughter. "But oww... My head." You groaned.

Leo sat up. "Are you okay?"

"I'll survive." You said dryly, giving him a playful glare.

"Well, that's a relief." He replied. "Couldn't sleep?"

"No... You?" You asked, continuing to lay on the floor and grimace, hand rubbing your forehead where he assumed the door had hit.

"Not so much." He sighed. He wondered if what was keeping him awake was keeping you from sleep as well.

"Well, I was headed out to the swing if you'd care to join." You offered, finally sitting yourself up.

He stood, holding out his hand. "That sounds nice." He said, trying to restrain the smile on his face.

The heat of your hand wrapped in his sent a shiver down his spine. "Thank you." You whispered, eyes locked on his. The silence of the hallway in the dead of night made his heart pick up pace until he couldn't take the intensity of your gaze any longer and had to break away.

"After you." He managed to say.

---

It had been three weeks since your "trip" in the woods, and your ankle was almost as good as new. Donnie still had you wrapping it, and not doing anything strenuous for the next week, but after that - fingers crossed - you would be able to go about your normal routine training with the others. It was quite nice once again being able to get around without assistance.

The two of you sat on the swing, Leo keeping a slow momentum going with his foot. You had brought a blanket with you, and it was draped across your laps to keep the chilly evening air at bay. You leaned your head back against the smooth wood of the swing, watching the stars blink in and out between dark tree branches.

"I have something I want to tell you." You said, steeling your nerves. If you don't do this now, you're just going to keep putting it off. "And if it ends up being super weird... then we'll just forget I ever mentioned it... Alright?" Or maybe I'll just die of embarrassment instead. You tilted your head to the side, long enough for his eyes to meet yours.

"Alright." He said.

"I like you. I mean, as more than just a friend." The swing's motion halted abruptly, the sound of Leo's heel catching in the dirt not really giving you the confidence boost you were hoping for. "Or-or a good friend... I have for a long time honestly. And I know that things aren't exactly the same as they were, but my feelings for you, they haven't changed. I just... didn't think it was right not to tell you. With everything, I mean..." You said.

"Me? But I'm not..." He started.

Not interested, probably. You turned to face him. "Not what?" You asked.

"I'm not even human, (Y/n)." He said, his hands lying limply in his lap. His eyes were cast down, watching his toe scuff around in the grass below.

Gently you reached out to place your hand on his. "Wow, I hadn't noticed." You laughed softly.

"You know what I mean." He said. "Wouldn't you rather be with someone like Casey?"

"Casey?" You scoffed. "Casey Jones? The Casey that we just spent an hour getting his hand unstuck from a metal pipe. That Casey Jones?"

Leo sighed. "Okay, okay, no, not Casey, but you get what I'm saying. Wouldn't you rather be with someone who's at least human?"

Why was Leo trying so hard to discount himself? Unless... Unless he didn't want to be with you... "I could really care less about all of that, Leo. Truly. There's no one else like you." Someone who would try to let me down so gently.

You had sprung this on him so shortly after everything that had happened... And of course, now he probably wouldn't ever see you that way. You couldn't blame him.

"(Y/n), I -" He started, placing his other hand on top of yours.

You quickly pulled your hand back, cutting him off. "I know there's a lot on your plate right now, and you probably don't feel the same way-"

"(Y/n)-" He tried again.

But now you were rambling. "- so we can just forget about it a-"

"Would you just let me answ-" He tried one last time.

You weren't letting him get a word in now, hoping you could just end the conversation and be done with it. At this point maybe you should just leave entirely and get out of everyone's way. Go and live in solitude forever. Relationships were proving to be very messy all of a sudden. At last this particular one. And if you left, Leo could focus on leading the others and going home again. Maybe they'd be better off without you. "-etend this never-"

And then he kissed you. This time it wasn't because of the alcohol. This time he knew what he was doing. And you knew what you were doing. You were kissing him back.

His hand moved to hold your head as you pulled apart. "I like you too." He said before he leaned in and kissed you again, slower this time, your head tilting into his palm. You're not exactly sure where your hands went, but you knew they were on him like his lips were on yours. In that moment, a new kind of love sparked in your soul. The kind that, if allowed to grow, is not so easily extinguished.

You stayed out on that swing and kissed... well... you lost track of how many times exactly, but it was quite a few.

#tmnt #tmnt 2012 #leo #leonardo #leo x reader #raphael x reader #optimist-pine #tmnt leo #tmnt leonardo #tmnt leo x reader #tmnt leonardo x reader #tmnt 2012 x reader #tmnt x reader #it's complicated #it's complicated part 4

[realcube]

msby boys finding out their s/o is pregnant

navi | masterlist | taglist  

thank you to anon for this wholesome request 

content warning ♡ pregnant! reader, sexual references, swearing & fluff

characters ♡ sakusa, atsumu, bokuto & hinata

kiyoomi sakusa 

♡ he faltered

♡ there was half a minute of silence between the two of you; him just staring at your stomach while you gazed into his eyes

♡ he was almost certain that he misheard you, so he felt inclined to inquire, ‘huh?’ as indifferently as he could, though he wasn’t doing a good job of concealing the shocked expression on his face 

♡ ‘i said i’m pregnant, sweetie.’ you giggled, admiring the emotions he displayed on his face as it wasn’t a sight you got to see often

♡ sakusa continued to stare at you, eyes wide 

♡ though he knew what you meant, apart of him insisted that he was mishearing you 

♡ his wide-eyes were fixated on you, his lips slightly agape as he tried to process what you just said and what this meant for the both of you 

♡ the only emotion you could read of his face was shock. at first, you were sure that he was happy but he was just taking a while to accept it, but now that a few minutes had passed and he was still yet to say anything or even smile, you were starting to second guess yourself

♡ despite the fact sakusa had already agreed that he was on board with the idea of having a child many times before - in fact, there were nights where he’d admit that he can’t wait to start a family with you - but you still worried that perhaps he has now that had a change of heart

♡ that was until you noticed his eyes become unusually glossy and red, along with his cheeks adapting a somewhat red tint, ‘if this is a joke, (y/n), it’s not funny.’ his ordinary, monotone voice was now slightly shaky and low 

♡ ‘it’s not a joke, ‘iyoomi.’ you laughed, feeling your own throat go dry and your cheek flare up upon seeing how emotional sakusa had become

♡ before the tears spilled from your eyes, you felt sakusa’s arms slowly snake around your waist, place an elongated kiss on your forehead then rest his chin on your shoulder 

♡ he held you close enough that you could feel his rapid heartbeat thud against your chest and his wobbly breath tickle the back of your neck

♡ he stayed like that, silent, for a good few minutes 

♡ when he finally pulled away to admire your stomach, you noticed how his damp cheeks glistened in the light and you couldn’t help but smile

♡ although he wasn’t very vocal about how happy he was, his actions spoke a thousand words

♡ he’d insist in home-cooking all your food now because he didn’t want to risk you getting food poisoning 

♡ when he’d come home from practise, absolutely exhausted, the first thing he’d do when he gets home is  wash his hands then cut you some fruit 

♡ when he has free-time, he used to just watch TV but now he’s picked up a few hobbies of reading childcare books, tending to your every need/want and researching good baby names

♡ also, he’s so gentle with you - like, he was gentle with you before but this is a new extreme

♡ excluding the time he almost tackled you to the ground when you suggested atsumu as a baby name

♡ like he baby-proofs the house like a month into your pregnancy lmao 

kōtarō bokuto

♡ the corners of his lips slowly curl into a bright smile, ‘pregnant?’

♡ you cocked your head to the side slightly, then hummed, ‘yeah. pregnant.’

♡ ‘like..with a kid?’

♡ you snorted, playfully rolling your eyes, ‘i’d hope so.’

♡ ‘like..with my kid?’

♡ ‘our kid - but yes.’

♡ a while passed and he had yet to do anything besides stare at you in pure adoration so you prompted him by opening your arms 

♡ to which he immediately responded by throwing himself onto you, ‘I’m gonna be a dad?! like seriously?!’

♡ luckily you were sitting on your bed so you fell back onto that but you were still being smothered by his chest 

♡ ‘bo!’ you squealed and squirmed under his weight and tight grip, glad that he was as cheery as you had hoped but not appreciating being suffocated 

♡ he suddenly pulled away but kept his large hands glued to your shoulders, revealing the tears that were already streaming down his cheeks and dampened your shirt, ‘really?!’

♡ ‘yes, bokuto. i am 100% pregnant.’ you declared for the final time before bokuto cupped your face with his hands and pulled you in to a passionate kiss, not stopping until your lips were basically swollen

♡ he’s just so hyped during the first few days of your pregnancy and he’s just super duper ready to become a dad!

♡ like he’s already practising his dad jokes 

♡ but then you remind him that he’s gonna have to wait around 9 months before he can actually see his baby and his hair literally deflates 

♡ ugh how rude of you 

♡ can you not like...make it grow faster?? please??

♡ once you explain to him that’s not how babies work, he kinda accepts it and just focuses his attention on you

♡ he kinda does some research on babies/pregnancy but not prior, he just does a quick google search when he needs to 

♡ but the intention is definitely there bc he googles the most trivial of things like ‘what to make pregnegant ppl for breakfast?’

♡ ‘what do pragnant ppl need from the supermarket?’

♡ ‘can my pregenunt wife have peanut butter?’

♡ ‘how to spell preaignant’ 

atsumu miya 

♡ DEEP denial

♡ he thinks you are playing a prank on him bc you don’t ‘look pregnant’

♡ even when you show him your positive pregnancy test he’s like ‘and how much did that cost?’

♡ he deadass acts as if he wasn’t the one who’s been trying to get you pregnant and raving on about how much he wants a family with you for the last few months 

♡ but he just doesn’t want to believe you bc he know he’ll get way too happy for his own good and he’s afraid to be let down

♡ plus, it was one of those ‘a blessing of this magnitude couldn’t have happened to me - of all people - so this is probably either a cruel joke or a hallucination.’ moments 

♡ he’s just so far gone that after your eleventh attempt at trying to convince him that you’re pregnant for real, you just give up

♡ so y’all just go around your business somewhat normally - except atsumu was more skittery - until your baby bump started to become more prominent

♡ one day, he came back from practise, noticed your bump and pulled you into the most passionate, heartfelt kiss before placing a gentle kiss upon your stomach, a buoyant grin gracing his features

♡ though he doesn’t say much since he is at a loss for words, he mutters a few sweet nothings into your ear as he carries you to the bedroom

♡ for a joke, he pretends to be gutted if you’re libido production decrease but really, he couldn’t care less

♡ but if it increases tho- 

♡ expect him to take full advantage of that 

♡ also, if he didn’t already treat you like his goddess, he does now 

♡ work has moved down his list of priorities and you + his baby are now at number one 

♡ usually he keeps his phone on silent/stuffs it into his bag while he is practising but now he insists on keeping it on full volume, out on the bench, just in case you call him for an emergency 

♡ same goes for texts; he will literally stop mid-set to rush over to his phone if he hears it vibrate 

♡ bokuto thinks it’s sweet but the rest of them get pretty annoyed of his antics quite quickly but whenever they try to call him out on it, he’s like ‘is your wife 6 months pregnant? no! i didn’t think so. i should be on paternity leave right now so be glad i’m blessing you with my presence.’

shōyō hinata

♡ he cannot stop thanking you

♡ as if you’re doing him a favour, which - depending on how you view it - you are

♡ he’s literally on his knees with his hands clasped together, tears of joy streaming down his face as he looks up at you in pure adoration, ‘thank you, (y/n)!’

♡ you tilted your head to the side and stared at him with a perplexed expression, ‘you’re welcome?’

♡ it’s a while before he moves from that position but when he does, it’s only so he can press his ear against your stomach to see if he can hear the baby 

♡ ‘shō, i don’t think it’s body has even formed ye--’

♡ ‘shh! it’s speaking to me.’ he chuckled then proceeded to squeeze his eyes shut, intensely listening to whatever the baby had to say 

♡ you quirked a brow, waiting for him to finish and once he did, he sprung to his feet and threw his arms over your shoulders to pull you in for a hug - in which he had to stop himself from squeezing you too tightly in fear of hurting you, as if pregnancy meant that your bones were now made of glass

♡ he’s just so happy that you agreed to bear his children 🙏

♡ also, seeing how excited you were to tell him about your pregnancy really prompted him to step up his husband-game 

♡ from now on, he loads the dishwasher, does both of your laundry, cleans the house on his own and cooks most of the food 

♡ he acts as if being pregnant means you are no longer able to do basic tasks but his real motive behind doing these things was not only to take the pressure off of you but to also prepare himself for father life 👍

♡ also, to prepare him for shopping for his kids’ clothes, he goes out and buys you maternity wear 

♡ he does this like...3 weeks into your pregnancy though so the clothes just sit and catch dust until a few months later when you actually need them 

♡ and although he is a bit of a pain to go stroller/pram shopping with (he just says buy whichever one goes the fastest), you let him take the reins when it came to buying/preparing the baby’s room and it came out beautiful!

♡ like the cradle was good quality and firm, the rug wouldn’t irritate the baby’s skin, the walls were painted expertly and the plushies/toys he picked out - unbeknownst to you at the time - kept the baby entertained for ages

♡ oh and no matter what day/week/month you are in of pregnancy, he will always look at you and your bump with the same amazement and gratitude as he did the first time you told him

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! #haikyuu fluff #sakusa x reader #sakusa fluff #atsumu headcanons #atsumu fluff #atsumu hcs #atsumu x gender neutral reader #atsumu x reader #hinata fluff #hq hinata #hinata x you #hinata x reader #shoyo headcanons #bokuto fluff #bokuto x reader #hq bokuto #bokuto x you #msby sakusa #sakusa headcanons #sakusa x you #sakusa x y/n #sakusa hcs #hq atsumu #msbyshoyo #👾fluff