#This greeting is literally a month overdue but I still felt the need to do it! Sorry!

[raysofcrosby]

WHATEVER LIFE THROWS AT YOU – m. tkachuk

part nine – KEEP THIS LOVE IN A PHOTOGRAPH

warning(s): a little bit of angst, matt being a butthead for .2 seconds and some sad moments.

summary: still reeling from betrayal, chantal gives matt an overdue gift that leads him down a road to all the things he missed. after some advice, he ends up back at caroline’s door and the two have a much needed, second conversation, finding himself wanting to mend the wounds from the last eight years.

word count: 12,014

an: i may or may not have listened to photograph by ed sheeran on repeat while writing this 🥺again, i suck at summaries they’re literally the worst lol

⇠ previous part • playlist • series masterlist • join the series taglist • next part ⇢

He didn’t go back to Calgary.

He did stay in a hotel the night of Thanksgiving and the day after that, only returning home when he knew his parents were off at Brady’s game, the last home game before he went off on a 2-week road series, only to come back for a 3 game home stand then be off again for another 2 weeks which would bring him back home the last two days of the year, where he’d luckily have New Year's Eve off. He didn’t leave his room unless he knew his parents were out of the house somewhere and if he couldn’t avoid them, he’d just do whatever he needed to do and ignored the hell out of them.

Not that they attempted to talk to him anyway.

Maybe it was because he clearly had a look on his face that said ‘don’t talk to me’ or maybe it was because after that blowup on Thanksgiving night, they knew how he felt about the entire situation and they knew that they were wrong. Either way, they were giving him the space he desperately needed and didn’t need to ask for.

And it stayed that way for a week. He went along his business, going to physical therapy, doing his stretches, calling the guys to see how everything was going and to keep up morale, and if he happened to cross paths with his parents, he just kept going on his way. The only time he ever purposely avoided them was when he knew Ethan was coming over, Caroline came to pick him up or any of the Marsh’s came over.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see any of them, it was just that he needed a little bit of time. It was easy enough waking up every morning and remembering that hey, he was a Dad. The thought alone was simple, but the questions that followed weren’t. Where do he and Caroline go from here? When were they going to tell Ethan? Would they do split custody and he got Ethan for the summer months? Did he have to legally file for split custody for those three months? How does this all work out and why did the mere thought of even having to think about split custody make his stomach feel all sour?

Besides the haunting questions and constantly replaying his and Gio’s conversation in his mind every second of the day, Matt had to deal with telling Greg, his agent, about Ethan. As expected, he didn’t immediately greet the news with welcome arms, thinking that Matt had gotten himself twisted up with a random hook-up in Calgary somewhere. But once Matt told him the details, well pretty much everything he knew and that Caroline wasn’t some random girl he met at a bar or on an app, he could hear the stress lower in Greg’s voice.

Until he started talking about how they would put it out there in the world, different strategies they could take that would put the cards into their hands and have it break when they wanted it to...and Matt told him no. That he couldn’t release that information yet, because Ethan didn’t even know yet.

“Sooner rather than later, Matt. You don’t want this getting out unless you and her are the ones announcing it.”

Matt knew that. He knew that at some point, it would have to be out there that he has a son and if he didn’t announce it first, somehow someone else would catch them on a day together and throw it all into the hands of some magazine or all bundled up in an email to a sports network. He knew how the world worked from his side when it came to the need to know and want to know details of a player's personal life.

Sometimes, it was like there were no boundaries and that’s what made him the most nervous about all of this. Not that he wanted to hide the fact that Ethan existed or the history he and Caroline shared...but how it’d all play out for them. He could handle it, he’s been on the receiving end of some not-so-great tweets, articles, newsreels, etc for most of his career. But Caroline hadn’t and Ethan was just a kid.

But sometimes, none of that ever even mattered to the ones who wanted to be the first ones to get the news out first.

Before the phone call ended, Greg had reminded him again to try and have the conversation with Caroline about what to do and what they wanted to do and Matt just agreed and hung up. But that conversation wouldn’t be happening for a while, not until Ethan knew and not until Matt felt comfortable enough in his apparently shattered relationship with Caroline.

Caroline’s birthday had come and gone and Matt knew she hadn’t asked Brady for the birthday gift like he told her to do...because it was still sitting tucked up at the top of his closet. At least the half of it that Brady knew about. The other half was still sitting at the bottom of the last drawer of his dresser, buried beneath the stack of t-shirts he tossed in when he unpacked that first week home. A velvet black box that sat untouched from the moment he tossed in and covered with a bunch of t-shirts he never wore anymore once that first week back at home ended and he found out that Caroline had left for the summer.

No one knew about that part of what would’ve been her birthday gift...well, only Mitch. Because Mitch was there with Matt when he bought it. Another reason why he had been so understanding to Matt since he was also with him the moment Caroline’s break-up text came through. And since he’s locked himself away in his room once all of his errands are done, it’s been all he could think about.

A reminder of just how different things are now and he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to bring himself to dig it up from the bottom of the drawer.

He was on day eight of keeping up with his ignore everyone routine and truly just felt drained all around– physically, mentally, and emotionally. Physical therapy kicked his ass, now that he was getting ready to reach six weeks post-op and was given new stretches that were really involving his shoulder, most of his appointments ending in a serious icing session. He stopped at subway on the way home and grabbed himself a sub before going home, showering and then hiding back up in his room to eat.

Once he had finished eating, he checked the time to see if he could make it to the bathroom down the hall without being caught by his parents or Ethan– and if he could be quiet, he’d succeed. Now was around the time that Ethan and his Dad would be heading out to practice, not coming back till later that night. The large drink he splurged on was enough to have him risk getting caught as he carefully opened his door and snuck down the hall to use the bathroom. When he was done, he snuck back out into the hall and got to his bedroom door just in time as he heard his Dad and Ethan leaving.

“Papa Walt?” Ethan asked, he and Matt’s Dad walking by the bottom of the stairs as Matt tried to peek out of his door.

“What’s up, buddy?” Matt’s Dad replied, handing him his winter coat.

“Is he mad that I didn’t want to work on my backhands at Thanksgiving? Is that why he’s not helping me anymore?” Ethan paused at the bottom of the stairs, zipping up the thick coat.

Matt heard his Dad take a deep breath and exhale before opening the door. “He’s not mad at you Ethan, I promise. He’s just...dealing with some stuff.”

“Shoulder stuff?”

“A bit, yeah.”

He heard the front door close and he closed his bedroom door, walking over to his bed. That wasn’t the first time that he’d heard Ethan ask about where Matt had been over the last week. Every time Ethan’s come over since that first day Matt left the hotel...he’s asked. Is he sick? Is he mad? Where’s he at? Is he hungry? Is he sleeping? Did he go back to Calgary? Should we make him a sandwich? It’s not because I didn’t want to do backhands, is it? Are you sure he’s not mad at me?

The first time he heard him ask about the backhands, Matt felt horrible. It hadn’t even dawned on him that Ethan would even think that the reason Matt hadn’t been around was his fault. But still, Matt couldn’t bring himself to leave his room, he still needed time. How was he supposed to look Ethan in the eyes and just act like he hadn’t learned this big secret? How would he be able to keep the word son from accidentally slipping through his lips? Most of all, how was he supposed to look at him and remember that he’d missed out on nearly his entire life without getting even the slightest bit angry? Ethan was a smart kid, there was no way he wouldn’t miss the tension Matt was carrying, he’d catch on too quick for Matt to handle.

He didn’t even know if Caroline was going to tell him...or when, Matt at least gave her that much. Now that he knew, there was no way she’d keep it from Ethan and if she did, she wasn’t the girl he knew growing up. It was still hard to believe that the girl he loved for all of those years, so easily shut him out of something this big.

But still...he wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, but it was just so damn hard.

He’d only been lying back in his bed for ten minutes before a knock came from his door. He didn’t look in that direction, keeping his eyes on the tv. Another knock came a few seconds later before the door opened altogether, his Mom standing in the doorway. He wanted to say something slick along the lines of wanting some privacy since he was almost 26 years old, but even if he was mad at her, she was still his Mom and he would never disrespect her that way.

“I’m getting tired of this, Matthew.” She spoke, holding onto his doorknob. “I know you’re upset, but this isn’t the way to go about it.”

“Yeah, well hiding the fact that I have a son wasn’t exactly the best way to go about that either,” he spoke, crossing his arms as he kept his gaze ahead.

She walked into his room and over to the edge of his bed, sitting down. “I was dropping off their Christmas presents when I found out.” She said, running her hand over his comforter. “Caroline answered the door and I had just started talking thinking that it was Susan who answered. It took me a second to realize that it was Caroline and my eyes just drifted down and there was this...tiny baby in her arms in a blue onesie and I just couldn’t believe it.”

He didn’t want to listen, he heard it all from Caroline how his parents had found out about Ethan. But still, hearing the soft tone and guilt in his Mom’s voice, he let his gaze move away from the tv and onto her.

“Susan let me come in and we all sat down on the couch. Caroline put him down in this little soothe and sway and before anyone could speak, she just broke down into tears and told me everything.”

“Everything?” He asked.

She pursed her lips and nodded. “Yes, everything and if I could ground you for sneaking her over those times eight years ago, I would.”

He bit the inside of his cheek, fighting from letting the smile show on his face as he kept his arms crossed. “What happened? I mean, Caroline already told me...but I want to know your reasoning for not telling me.”

“She didn’t do it maliciously, Matthew, I want you to know that. When we were sitting there, I could just see how...scared and how worried she was that all of this would ruin everything that was happening for you.” She turned towards him more, resting her hands in her lap. “We got your Dad to try and reason with her, explain that you knowing about Ethan and everything wouldn’t hurt anything...but she didn’t want to risk it.”

“She knew not telling you was wrong, she told me herself. And she was insistent on everyone having a relationship with him, letting him grow up with everyone around and then telling you when the time was right.”

“She didn’t even tell me, Mom.” He said, clenching his jaw. “I only found out because I saw Ethan wearing that necklace I gave her for Christmas and he said that she told him his Dad gave it to him. Eight years and she wasn’t going to tell me. She played all of you guys and you let it happen.”

“Matthew Tkachuk you cut out that tone right now and you listen to me,” she said, giving him her stern Mom look. “We tried to get her to tell you, all of us and I mean all of us. We would talk to her and set dates for the day she’d tell you, but she would always get too scared and never do it.”

“You guys let her,” he replied, looking at her. “Even if she never told me, any of you could have. But you didn’t and I don’t understand why.”

“You asked why your Dad and I didn’t fight more for you to know about him,” she sighed, looking at him. “We did, Matthew. We tried, but she was just...she was never ready. We all tried to tell her that there was nothing to be worried about or scared about, but she just never listened.”

“How do I even know he’s mine?” The words left his mouth before he could stop them, a stupid thought he knew had no merit but said completely out of spite.

“I know you’ve taken plenty of hits over the years, but I’d like to think that you still have some normal brain function to know that what you just asked, was an incredibly stupid question, Matthew.” The tone and look on her face was the one he always had to stare at whenever he got grounded and instantly he felt like he was a teenager again getting reprimanded.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said it…”

“Because you’re frustrated.” She said, nodding. “You’re frustrated at Caroline and all of us and I understand that. We had no right to keep it from you as the years passed and I just want you to know that in doing that...it wasn’t easy on any of us, even Caroline. We only wanted to respect her wishes, Matthew. She was 18 and in many ways a child, but she was also a Mom. And she’s learning a very hard lesson from that first choice that she made all those years ago.”

Matt looked away from her again as he tried to focus on the Breaking Bad episode and ignore the sigh coming from his Mom. “I know it’s going to be some time before you can understand or even forgive us for what we did, but please just know that we all love you and in the beginning, we came to an agreement to benefit you. But as time went on, everything changed and everyone pushed her to say something. We haven’t been against you all of this time, Matthew and we love seeing you with Ethan. It’s something we’ve been waiting for for a very long time, and the Marsh’s since before he was even born.”

He clenched his jaw, shaking his head slightly as he looked back at her. “I missed everything, Mom. She lied to me and I-I missed it all. The ultrasounds, the appointments, the birth,” he took a deep breath and exhaled. “Ethan’s first steps, first words...everything a-and I feel like a part of me hates her for it, but I don’t want to hate her, Mom, I really don’t because she’s...I...she’s Care. But he’s also half mine and she cut me out of that entire experience of watching him grow up and grouped you guys all in it.”

His Mom got up and walked out of the room, leaving his bedroom door open behind her as he heard her walk down the steps. He stared at the empty doorway, giving her a little more time before he grabbed the corner of his blanket to toss it off to go close the door. Before he could toss off his blanket, she came back into the room, carrying a stack of four album books, walking back over to his bed.

“What is this?” He asked, looking at the stack.

“The bottom three are albums of pictures she’s put together in her spare time over the last few years,” she said, picking up the one on top and turning it to him. “And this one, is Ethan’s baby book, his first year.”

The book itself was hardcover, the spine was lighter green with dark green stripes that reached maybe three inches into the rest of the cover. Decorated across were little different colored flags that hung from a banner that was just above two cut-out squares that were stacked on top of each other. Inside the first, was a picture of a smiling Ethan who couldn’t have been more than a few months old, with messy curls, and a dimpled smile on full display with what was probably baby food all over his face. The second picture was a small footprint, probably taken from when he was born. Beneath both photos were the words ‘my baby book’ and in the bottom right corner, an embroidered grey elephant that was holding onto the string of an orange balloon.

“Why are you giving me these?” He asked, motioning towards the stack. “They’re yours, not mine.”

“No, ours are at the top of your Dad’s closet,” she said, walking towards him and placing the baby book in his lap. “These are yours.”

Matt picked up the baby book, feeling the weight of it as he looked at the other photo albums, shaking his head slightly. “Mine?”

“Yours. Caroline did online school senior year...she had a lot of free time and in her words ‘picked up an artistic hobby.’” She laughed, exhaling, touching the top of the baby book. “She made one and then made some copies for her parents, one for us...and one for you. She gave it to us as a Christmas present and gave us yours as well for safekeeping in case once you did find out...you would be angry like you are now for missing out on so much.”

“And the rest of those…” his eyes drifted towards the stack.

“Years 2 through well, his 7th birthday.” She said, reaching back and touching them. “Each one holds two years' worth of pictures, little notes, and memories. She put it together and at the end of the second year when the book is full, she gifts it as a Christmas present. If you ask me, I think she keeps up with it for you and just makes the copies for everyone else. I don’t know if it’s her way of trying to ignore the guilt she feels from keeping it a secret or if she’s officially turned into a craft woman...but she’s kept up with it. Hasn’t stopped.”

He looked back down at the baby book in his hands, his right thumb brushing against the pages of the book and his left brushing against the cover. “She never wanted to cut you out, Matthew. I think she always wanted you there...but she couldn’t let herself put her wants above you. And I know it’s no substitute for missing out on everything that you did...but it’s something.”

“Thanks, Mom…” he said, looking up from the book and holding it up slightly. “For this.”

“It’s the least I could do,” she nodded, leaning down and kissing his forehead before walking towards the door to leave. She turned around, looking at him as she sighed. “I’m really sorry, Matthew. We all are. And I know those are just words, but I really hope that through time you can forgive us.”

He nodded and watched as she walked out of his bedroom, closing the door behind her. He looked down at the book in his hands and then the books that were sitting at the edge of his bed. He slid out from beneath the comforter and placed the baby book on top of the other four, trying his best to carry all four in his right arm as he walked across the room and placed them on top of his dresser before walking back to his bed and climbing beneath the blankets and returning to Breaking Bad.

He picked up his phone and pressed Gio’s contact, listening to it ring before finally reaching the voicemail. He groaned and hung up, typing up a text instead before placing his phone down next to him and taking one last look at the books before looking back at the tv, interrupting his Breaking Bad episode and clicking onto Greys Anatomy, where he’d left off in season five, skipping George’s death and immediately going into season six.

He just needed time. Time and for Gio to answer his damn phone. Both of which, he guesses... go hand in hand at this point.

The sound of the generic iPhone ringtone erupted by Matt’s ear, almost causing him to fall out of bed. He hadn’t even known he fell asleep until he was waking up. He picked up the phone to see Gio’s name and the time— he’d only been asleep for almost two hours.

“Hello?” He asked, clearing his groggy voice as he sat up and rubbed his eyes.

“What kind of bullshit did you text me, Matt?” 

“Huh?” He yawned, stretching. “I kinda feel asleep and you woke me up so you’re gonna have to refresh my memory there a bit, Gio.”

“Oh sorry here,” Gio’s voice was dropped in sarcasm before he cleared his throat to speak. “My Mom just put seven years' worth of pictures in photo albums on my bed including Ethan’s baby book saying that Caroline made them for me what do I do???”

“Oh, that.”

“Oh that, yeah no shit that,” Gio said, no doubt rolling his eyes on the other side of the phone. “Please tell me you still have enough brain cells in that thick skull of yours to know what I’m about to tell you right now.”

“Um…” Matt looked off towards his dresser to see the stack of books still sitting where he’d left them. “That I’m being stupid and should look at them?”

“A much nicer way of putting it, but yeah pretty much.” Gio laughed. “Why did you even second guess looking at them, Chucky? Last time we talked you were wrecked about missing all of this and now that you have a chance to get a glimpse you’re not going to do it? Is this out of spite or something?”

“I may or may not have been hiding away and ignoring everyone for the last week,” Matt replied, running a hand down his face. “And I know you’re going to ream me out for that but...I just needed time, Gio.”

“You’re running out of time, Matt.” Gio laughed softly. “Every second that you spend wasting away in your room throwing yourself a pity party, is a second that you’re letting pass by to being able to spend time with Ethan and get to know him more. So look at the damn pictures, dude.”

“Alright, thanks Gio,” Matt said, getting out of bed and walking towards the dresser. “Sorry for the call and stupid text.”

“It’s no problem, I’m here for you, Matt.” He replied. “Oh, send me a picture of what Ethan looks like. I need to know if I need to say a little prayer for his Mom in case he’s literally a carbon copy of you.”

“Bye, Gio,” Matt laughed, hanging up the phone and tossing it over to his bed. He scooted the albums off of the dresser and held them steady in his right arm, still restricted from holding anything heavy in his left. He shuffled over to his bed and placed them down before sitting back down and getting back beneath his blanket.

At first, he questioned where he should start, but that quickly faded out when he realized that he literally had the first seven years all in front of him and it would clearly only make sense to start...at the beginning.

He picked up the baby book and rested it on his lap, right hand toying with the cover as he tried to push back the nerves he was feeling from even just holding it. When he finally got the nerve to open it, he was greeted with a picture of Ethan wrapped up in one of the generic hospital blankets and lying in a hospital bassinet, looking directly at whoever was taking the picture. Beneath it in nice cursive writing and dark marker, was a quote with an unknown author– “May you touch fireflies and stars, dance with fairies, and talk to the man in the moon. May you grow up with love and gracious hearts and people who care. Welcome to the world, little one. It’s been waiting for you.”

Matt flipped the page and was greeted with a light blue scrapbook paper that honestly part of him had a hard time believing Caroline ever put together. She was artistic, sure– but there was a reason why she never took art in high school. But his Mom said that she had a lot of free time...so maybe that’s why it all looked so good. In fancy script, flat in the middle of the page it read– “where my story begins…”

Matt flipped again and stopped, instantly seeing four different pictures of him and Caroline throughout the years. In the top left, was a picture from their first day of kindergarten. Both of them wearing backpacks that were much bigger than they were and the two were holding hands and sporting big toothy grins. The top right was a picture from the summer after sixth grade, the two of them sitting on the back of a boat out on the lake, arms over the other's shoulders as they ate popsicles. The bottom right was their freshman year of high school, both of them sporting their respective school team uniforms. Caroline had raced over to his school after her first field hockey win, to make sure she caught his first high school game. His arm around her waist and hers around his as she held her left hand right on his torso, the two of them smiling as they both looked equally as spent from their games. And the bottom left, the last picture was from junior prom when he flew in to surprise her. They were out at this park where kids from the schools always went to get big event pictures done for senior year or even just for prom. She was wearing a lavender, one-shoulder dress, the top half of it was decorated with small silver jewels and Matt was wearing a black tux with a matching bowtie. They were supposed to be doing the traditional prom pose, but Matt was smiling down at her and she was looking over her shoulder, smiling at him.

In the paper that the pictures bordered, at the very top was written– Mommy and Daddy: Our Story. And in Caroline’s familiar, neat handwriting, he read what she wrote:

We met when we were four years old at a park in our neighborhood. I was working very hard on creating the biggest sand pile that a four-year-old could muster when Daddy came running over, tripped, and fell into my pile, destroying it. We both cried and then he helped me build another one. We later became neighbors and best friends, always hanging out and playing together, spending summer days on the lake or out at the fields or rinks. But as we got older we realized that we were both hiding big secrets– we liked each other a lot! Daddy asked Mommy to be his girlfriend the same night as their first date at one of Grandpa Keith’s hockey games and we were inseparable from that point on. Mommy supported Daddy at his hockey games and Daddy supported Mommy at her field hockey games, we were each other’s biggest fans. Even when Daddy got chosen to play with some of the best hockey players in the country and had to move away during the school year, we loved and supported each other through the distance, remaining best friends and in love. We were each others' forever number one fans.

Matt flipped the page, seeing pictures of himself from when he was growing up, as well as pictures of his parents and siblings. Caroline had filled out this page as an About My Daddy page, listing all of Matthew’s favorite things– food, sports, candy, movies, music– and his other background information– where he was born, where he went to school, his siblings' names, his parents' names, grandparents names– the entire page was dedicated to him. And when he flipped to the next one, it was an About My Mommy page, similar to how his had been, but this time it was strictly about Caroline.

He flipped again and paused, focusing on the black and white images of Ethan’s sonogram. Beneath the two images, were two appointment cards from Planned Parenthood. On the left one, the date was a little faded, but when he looked close enough...he saw that it was the day she found out that she was pregnant and told Matt that she wasn’t. Next to it, was one that shared the same date as the date on the sonogram– two weeks later after she had told him her test was negative and in a sectioned off box in the top right, was Caroline’s handwriting again: 

When I found out about you, I was scared and had so many doubts. I was a teenager, what did I know about raising a baby? I could barely manage to come back home on time before curfew! But when I went in and heard your heartbeat and saw you for the first time, I felt a calm come over me. I was still terrified and knew nothing about being a Mommy, but already you were able to reach me in a way that only your Daddy could...and I knew that you were our little blessing.

The next page was a brighter blue of scrapbook paper and more of Ethan’s sonogram scans, what looked like a receipt to shake shack featuring...quite the list of items this time, a picture of Caroline’s baby bump and a big scrapbook patch that read, ‘it’s a boy’ sat in the middle and Caroline’s handwriting sat to the side of it: 

If I’m being honest with you, I had absolutely no idea what you were going to be. I just really wanted you to be healthy, that’s all that mattered to me. Grandpa Richard went with me to my appointment to find out who you were going to be. You surprised Mommy that morning because I went to bed and the next morning I woke up with a bump. Mommy’s doctor joked that you were ready to make yourself known to the world. Every time the tech went to try and get scans of you, you would always move around inside my belly and we all knew then that you were going to be quite a wild one. And when they told me that you were a boy, Mommy cried and I pictured you looking just like your Daddy. After the appointment, you were fussy and practically begging Mommy to get some french fries and a milkshake– great choice– so Grandpa Richard bought us some and you were very, very happy after that. That was a really rough day for Mommy, I cried a lot...but thinking about you always made me feel just a little bit better.

The date on the scans in this section of the book...Matt knew that date, God he’d never forget that date. It was when he was hours away from going to the airport to pick her up, only to receive a text from her saying that she wasn’t coming. That he couldn’t be distracted and that the two of them should focus on their own stuff– pretty much dumping him over text. He could still remember exactly how he felt and how he channeled all that anger, frustration, and heartbreak into hockey, but nothing ever made it feel better. The distractions only masked the pain he was feeling and most nights after practice, the only way he could ever help himself relax and feel better...was by hanging around the rink for a few minutes to an hour afterward and just take in the silence and the peacefulness that a clean sheet of ice brought. That day was the worst day of his life back then...and while he felt like he should still be holding onto that anger– somehow, after reading this...that day was taking on new meaning.

It was the day that he was expecting a son– Ethan.

The next few pages went over the cravings she had during her pregnancy, some maternity pictures she’d taken with Aunt Clara, and just talking about how the times he was most active were at night or whenever she was watching hockey or 20/20. He flipped through and came to another break with a light green scrapbook paper that had ‘Hello, Baby!’ in fancy script in dark marker, the famous Winnie the Pooh quote written beneath it– A grand adventure is about to begin! When he flipped it, he was greeted with two pictures of Caroline and Ethan. The one on top had Care elevated in a hospital bed, holding onto the bundled newborn Ethan, yawning and reaching up with his arm. The second, just beneath the first, was the same picture– only this time Ethan had a grip on her index finger and she was crying.

To the right, was her handwriting again: 

If there was anything that ever convinced Mommy that you were just like you Daddy, it’s the fact that you came 20 days earlier than you were supposed to. Daddy isn’t one for waiting either, he’s too eager and impatient. You were determined to make your way into the world, starting your journey the night before so by the time Mommy got to the hospital, she missed out on her epidural and it was already time for your delivery! Grandpa Richard, Grandma Susan, and Uncle Andrew were in the room with me, your Uncle being a little freaked out, but he did a great job of supporting me, he even volunteered to cut your umbilical cord. And when I heard you cry for the first time, I cried too because you were finally here and you were exactly how I pictured you– just like your Daddy.

Matt turned the page to see a bunch of pictures of a newborn Ethan being checked by nurses, screaming and crying like all newborns do as well as pictures of him wrapped up in a blanket and being held by Richard, Susan, and Andrew in the hospital room. On the next page, was a bigger picture of him swaddled up in a light blue blanket with a matching beanie, fast asleep. Beneath it, in an official-looking kind of template was everything about him and it only took Matt a few seconds to stop staring at the sleeping newborn version of the soon-to-be eight-year-old that he now knows, to even notice what it says: 

Ethan Matthew Marsh. Born: December 11th, 2015, 7:00 pm at St. Vincent’s Medical Center. Stats: 6 pounds 4 ounces, 19 inches long. Delivered by: Dr. Teresa Kendricks.

Beneath it, there was a longer box with Caroline’s handwriting: 

Mommy chose to name you Ethan because it means firm, strong, and that’s how I felt whenever I looked at you, so tiny in my arms. You made me feel strong. And your middle name is after your Daddy. Looking at you made me feel like I always did whenever I looked at your Daddy. You are the both of ours, but you are every bit of your Daddy’s son.

He’d been fighting them the entire time– the tears that were burning in his eyes. And the moment he read that, he was starting to lose the strength to keep them at bay, feeling a tear fall down his face as he quickly brushed it away.

His middle name was Matthew. She remembered that silly conversation they had way back when Ethan was still a question mark. She named him after him.

It took everything in him to finish through the rest of the book, reading up on Ethan’s trip home, his first bath, his first haircut, his favorite toys and food, first holidays, first word, first outing, first tooth, growth chart– Caroline had kept an organized and meticulous scrapbook of every piece of Ethan’s firsts and the entire first year. Matt would be lying if he said that seeing the pictures of a baby Ethan with his parents and siblings didn’t hurt him, because it did. Looking through this entire book and realizing that he could’ve been a part of this entire journey, but wasn’t...hurt like hell.

But that hurt was eased...because at least he got to see it and read in Caroline’s own words, her experience of carrying and having Ethan. At the end of the book, was a plastic cd sleeve, but inside of it was a flash drive. He reached in and grabbed it before resting the book aside and reaching out to his bedside table for his laptop. He plugged it in and waited for the USB drive to load, clicking on it once he did. And when he opened it, he was greeted with tons of video files– all labeled with Ethan’s name.

He clicked on the first one– Ethan’s first steps– and watched as an 8-month-old Ethan was using his hands to balance against the couch he recognized from the Marsh’s living room. Voices of everyone in the background mingled in and from the left side of the frame, Caroline was squatted down with her arms out in front of her, a smile on her face. Ethan was bouncing himself on his feet, smiling at her before he turned away from the couch and took shaky steps towards her, quickening up before walking into her arms as she hugged him and picked him up, cheering him on.

The second one– Ethan’s first word– and in this one, was a 10-month-old Ethan who was dressed in a dark blue and teal striped onesie, propped up on Caroline’s hip and resting his head against her shoulder. He had a half-empty baby bottle curled inside of his arm as the hand of the arm draped on her shoulder, was twirling a piece of her hair. “Okay, Ethan it’s time to go night night, are you ready to say goodnight?” Caroline smiled, bouncing him on her hip as he nodded, looking off at something that the camera couldn’t see.

The camera panned towards the wall they were standing in front of to show a bunch of pictures– he didn’t recognize the walls of the house, so this had to be the apartment she said she had moved to when she started school. Caroline pointed at all of the pictures, saying ‘goodnight…’ before pausing and hoping that Ethan would fill in the blanks before filling it in for him. She’d gone through her parents, his parents, Brady, Andrew, and Taryn before coming to one last picture.

“Goodnight…” she paused, tickling his tummy as he squirmed slightly a smile on her face before waving at the wall. “Goodnight, Mommy, and say goodnight,” she took a dramatic pause, looking at Ethan as he reached for the picture, waving again.

“Daddy.” Ethan smiled, looking at her as he raised his head off of her shoulder.

“Yes, Ethan, yay!” She smiled, hugging him as she pointed at the picture again. “That’s Mommy and that’s–”

“Daddy.” He smiled, making a grabby hand at the picture before looking at her and bringing his hands into his chest, resting his head in the crook of her neck. “Ight, Daddy.”

Which Matt knew he probably meant to say, ‘Goodnight, Daddy’ like Caroline had been trying to get him to say.

“Good boy, you’re so smart!” She smiled, resting a hand on the back of his head as she looked at the camera with tears in her eyes. “Such a smart boy, that’s your Daddy. Now blow a kiss,” she mimicked blowing a kiss at the picture frame and Ethan did the same, throwing his arm out before wrapping them both around her neck and trying to climb up her as if he was telling her he wanted to go to bed now.

She nodded towards the frame and smiled as she rocked Ethan, the camera moving toward the frame to show that it was the same Junior prom picture of Matt and Caroline.

The rest of the videos were from his first holidays, first time in a pool, his first laugh and smile– Caroline had videotaped every moment that she could...and put it on a flash drive. The firsts, the little moments in between— everything was marked down in his baby book or saved as a video on this flash drive.

“She never wanted to cut you out, Matthew. I think she always wanted you there…” his mom’s voice echoed in his mind as he removed the flash drive and put it back into the sleeve in the baby book.

She wrote all about him in Ethan’s baby book. She chose Matthew as his middle name from a conversation they had years ago. Ethan’s first word...was Daddy and he said it during what Matt could only assume was a routine Caroline and him did every night. He knew who Matt was, he recognized his face in the picture. How involved had he been in the early years of Ethan’s life without knowing and if Caroline had been deliberately keeping him a secret all these years...why bothering showing Ethan anything about Matt at all?

He set the baby book aside and spent the entire rest of his night flipping through the photo albums from Ethan’s second year to his seventh. It was pictures of all the family members with Ethan, days at the park, times at the zoo. Ethan wearing what looked like itchy holiday sweaters and shoving Christmas cookies into his mouth wearing a Santa hat. The first album looked like it was when Ethan picked up hockey, swallowed whole in Matt’s Dad’s old jerseys with a big smile on his face— holding hockey sticks, being on skates, wearing a helmet.

His first day of kindergarten picture had Matt flipping back open the baby book and sure enough, the two of them had matching dimpled grins. School trips and friends, birthday parties, and hockey games. Summers on the beach, most likely in Florida. With each passing picture, he watched Ethan grow up, learning little tidbits from the small notes Caroline wrote in given margins.

At four, “Ethan fell asleep underneath the Christmas tree to try and catch Santa Claus. Stole the milk and cookies so Santa would have to stay longer.”

At six, “Brady and Andrew convinced Ethan that if he took his loose tooth out by using the string and door trick, the tooth fairy would give him $10. They both paid up $5 that I put under his pillow.”

At two, “Ethan’s first time on the ice today with Papa Walt, who said that watching him reminded him of Matthew, I might’ve cried...a lot.”

At five, “His teacher, Mrs. Shepherd sent home a note saying that Ethan absolutely refuses to take his naps and won’t stop talking about the players his Papa Walt told him about. She said it provides great entertainment to the teachers in the lounge and that he might be a little tired when he gets home.”

At three, “Took a trip to the zoo and Ethan stood in front of the tiger exhibit playing with one of the younger tigers for 10 minutes. They ran back and forth in front of the glass until Ethan tripped and fell. Tiger stopped and pawed at the glass but Ethan just giggled, got up, and tried to hug the tiger through the glass before running again.”

And at seven, “Brady took Ethan around the Blues locker room after the game tonight, introduced him to Colton Parayko, and said Ethan ‘called him a giant’ before asking for an autograph.”

By the time he reached the end of the last photo album, Matt no longer had the strength to hold back the tears that had been building up from the moment he opened Ethan’s baby book. He lost it way back by the time he opened the second photo album. But now that he was done looking, he could just bury his head into his hands and just...cry.

It was like all of the frustration, anger, and sadness was releasing from him both as he sat there, stifling sobs as he felt the tears run down his face. There was no way to pinpoint what he was crying about because he was crying about everything. The fact that he and Caroline had been so reckless as teens and she ended up feeling like she needed to keep Ethan a secret. Ethan having knowledge of who he was, even in those younger days. Seeing his parents and siblings holding him in pictures. Seeing himself in pictures of Ethan and wondering how he never saw it before. How he had missed all of those big moments, small moments, and little quirks Ethan developed along the way. Desperately wanting to make memories with him that would be implanted in photo albums for years to come. 

Matt just cried and cried until he physically felt like he couldn’t sit up anymore...and then he fell asleep.

He woke up the next morning with a throbbing head— hell, his entire body was throbbing. He sent a text asking if they could push PT back to around noon since he wasn’t feeling too hot and needed a few more minutes of sleep. In reality, he just really wanted to go stand beneath the hot water of his shower for some time to try and ease some of the pain throughout his entire body.

It was a struggle to get himself out of bed, sleeping in an awkward position since he fell asleep with Ethan’s photo albums and baby book on his bed. He carefully picked them up before walking them over to the dresser and resting them down, then opening his bedroom door and going out into the hall.

If it was an option to be able to just stay in the shower all day, Matt was positive that he could and would do it. It wasn’t that he was still avoiding the problems that waited outside of his bedroom door, it was the fact that the hot water washing over him put everything at ease. He felt his entire body stop throbbing, his nose felt clear, his eyes weren’t sore...he just felt better.

When he finished his shower, he went back to his room and got dressed for PT, picking his phone up from his bed and remembering that he never sent Gio a picture of Ethan. He walked over to the dresser, opened the book to the picture of Ethan when he was two, and draped in one of Matt’s Dad’s old jersey, smiling, and took a picture of it. He opened his messages with Gio and attached that picture, along with two from Halloween— one of him and Ethan smiling at the camera and then the other of them laughing at each other- and then a picture from Caroline’s Instagram of her and Ethan.

Matt: What’s the verdict, Cap? He as much as a carbon copy as you thought? 😂

Gio: HOLY SHIT. 😳😂

Gio: Just going to go ahead and throw up a small prayer that the both of you don’t drive that girl of yours insane...

Gio: He’s a cute kid, Chucky. Thankfully he looks like he’s got some of his Mom, otherwise, the world would be scary with two Chucky’s wandering around.

Gio: Now keep your head out of your ass and get to know him more!

Matt: Will do! My head is going nowhere near my ass from now on. Hope to introduce you someday!

Gio: Looking forward to it! Can’t wait to tell them all the stories I have on you.

Matt smiled, sending a laughing emoji before getting up to leave his room, Gio’s last text stuck in his mind— how he can’t wait to tell them all the stories of Matt— them as in Ethan and Caroline. Which was funny...because that’s exactly who he pictured when Matt had said he hoped to introduce Gio one day...Ethan and Caroline.

PT was actually a lot easier today. Whether it was because the healing process was going great or because he as a whole just felt so much lighter, he didn’t know. But he did, he felt better than he did the entire week..and that had to count for something.

When he got back home, he walked into the kitchen to see his Mom and Dad standing at the island counter, a plate out with two pieces of bread on the plate and the supplies to make a peanut butter and jelly out beside it. They stopped their conversation when they heard Matt come in and they all paused.

“How was physical therapy today?” His Mom asked, resting an arm around his Dad.

“It was good,” Matt replied, walking by them and to the fridge, grabbing a cold Gatorade. “The new stretches and stuff are obviously tough...but it’s getting easier.” He walked back and stopped at the end of the counter, nodding at the plate. “Is that for Ethan or you?”

“Ethan,” his Dad replied. “They’ve got a game in a bit and he and Caroline are coming over just before.”

Matt nodded, opening the bottle. Things may have felt better with him, but there was obviously still some tension. “Can I go?”

His parents looked at each other in surprise before his Mom walked from around the counter and gently squeezed his arm. “Of course you can, sweetie. I’m sure Caroline and Ethan would love that.”

“Speaking of,” his Dad said, brushing his hands off on a paper towel. “I’ve got to go meet him out on the sidewalk, would you like to come with me, Matt?”

Matt nodded, holding onto his Gatorade bottle as he followed him out of the kitchen and the front door, out down their front steps and driveway before stopping at the sidewalk just beside their mailbox. “So...why are you standing here, exactly?”

“Ethan’s been wanting a little more freedom in the neighborhood,” he replied, motioning towards Caroline’s house. “Wants to walk to the park, or ride his bike with his friends up and down the street, but obviously he’s a little too young to do that without supervision. Things are how they used to be back when I was a kid or when you guys were kids.”

“So you wait here and watch him walk?”

“That was Caroline’s one condition. He could walk over to our house or the Marsh’s, but only if could get someone to agree to stand there and wait for him. Make sure he actually got there.”

“That’s...actually pretty smart,” Matt replied, taking a sip of his drink. “Who knows all of the times Brady, Care, and I ended up wandering off where we shouldn’t have been.”

“Which is exactly why she did it,” he laughed, digging his hands in his pockets as he sighed. “Listen, I know you’re upset with all of us and you have a very good reason to be. But I just want you to know that what she did...was as much of a good decision as it was bad.”

Matt furrowed his brows and looked at him, tilting his head, but before he could speak, he was cut off. “Papa Walt!!” They looked down the street to see Ethan jogging down his driveway as Caroline followed behind him. “Matt, hi!!”

As soon as he started to run in their direction, Matt moved his gaze to Caroline who was standing at the other end of the sidewalk. She had her arms crossed and he couldn’t tell, but she might've been looking at him too.

“I know it’s hard to understand right now, but you need to realize that at that point in time, what she chose to do was right.” His Dad said, looking at him. “Waiting this long, none of us agreed with it or wanted it to happen. But those first few months...it seemed to be the right thing.”

Matt couldn’t reply because Ethan had reached them, immediately wrapping his arms around Matt’s waist and almost knocking him over. “Oomph!” Matt laughed, bending down and hugging him. “Maybe you should be playing football, huh?”

“My mom says I can’t,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “She says I’ll get run over.”

“What am I? Chopped liver?” Matt’s Dad laughed as Ethan moved over to him, hugging him.

“I’ve seen you every day, Papa Walt,” Ethan replied, looking at Matt. “Are you feeling better?”

Matt looked at his Dad before looking back at Ethan, nodding. “Yeah, a lot better. I heard you have a game today.”

“Yeah, I’m excited.” He smiled, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “We’re still undefeated and so are they, but I think we’ll win.”

“Well I can’t wait to see you play,” Matt smiled, holding out a fist.

“You’re coming?!” He asked, eyes wide.

“Only if you want me to,” Matt laughed, shrugging.

“Uh, duh!” He hugged Matt again and he was caught just as off guard as he had been before...but he didn’t mind. He loved it.

“Alright come on, we’ve got a pre-game sandwich to make.” Matt’s Dad laughed, walking towards the driveway.

“Uh, you guys go ahead,” Matt looked down the street to see that Caroline was walking back towards her front door. “I’m gonna go talk to Care for a second.”

“Be careful, she’s grouchy,” Ethan said, scrunching his nose.

“Why? What did you do?” Matt’s dad asked, looking down at him.

“I didn’t do anything.” He replied, shaking his head.

Matt raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms. “Really?”

Ethan chewed on the inside of his cheek before pursing his lips and sighing. “Fine. I got in trouble in school yesterday. Mrs. Rumer called and told her I was talking during reading time.” He looked between the two of them, shaking his head. “But I was only trying to tell Melody about what happened in my book!”

“Melody, huh?” Matt smiled as his Dad laughed and Ethan ducked his head.

“Papa Walt, he’s being mean to me,” he pouted, pointing at Matt.

“He’s just teasing, Ethan. He used to do it to Brady all the time.” His dad laughed, patting his shoulder.

“Besides that, it sounds like you really are a blabbermouth and you say I talk too much.” Matt laughed.

“You talk more than—“

Matt watched as his Dad placed a hand over Ethan’s mouth, Ethan still trying to talk though it only came out in mumbles. “All right, relax we’re going to eat now.”

“As long as Matt doesn’t cut the sandwich,” Ethan said, squinting at him. “He tried to ruin my ritual.”

“One time!” Matt replied, waving him off as he started to walk down to Caroline’s. “It was one time and you didn’t tell me.”

“Yeah, well now you know!” Ethan called out. “And the next time you do it, I’ll know it was on purpose!”

Matt just laughed as he watched his Dad usher Ethan up the driveway and towards the front door. He took Ethan’s warning into consideration but knew that if Caroline was grouchy or upset, it probably had very little to do with Ethan talking during reading time in class. He was stuck between wanting to get to her house as quick as he could and taking his time, going over in his head all of the things he wanted to and needed to say. Their last conversation didn’t really play out all that well, so how could he be any sure that she would even feel comfortable letting him get a single word in?

When she reached her front porch, he took a calming breath and rang the doorbell. It only took a few seconds before the door opened and Caroline stood in front of him, a knowing look on her face as if she had been expecting him. “Hi.” She said softly, stepping to the side. “Do you want to come in?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Matt replied, walking in through the doorway and standing off to the side as she closed the door. “Listen, Care I–”

“I’m sorry,” she said, shaking her head. “A-and I know that sorry isn’t good enough and that things kind of...got crazy on Thanksgiving. It’s all my fault and I’ll take full responsibility for that, but please don’t go back to Calgary and don’t shut everyone out and Ethan...please. You can hate me all you want...just, don’t take it out on them.”

“I could never hate you, Care,” he said, his eyebrows furrowed as he shook his head. “I mean, I’m upset, yeah...but I could never hate you. You were it for me...you’re my best friend.”

He watched as she let out a shuddered breath she must’ve been holding as she nodded, sniffling slightly as he held back tears. “God, I’m a mess I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, really.” He said, stepping towards her and resting his hands on his arms, nodding at her. “I just...I needed some time to think. I was never going back to Calgary, I...I couldn’t leave after...everything.”

“So you’re staying?” She asked, hugging her arms against her chest. “I-I mean...until you’re done with physical therapy?”

He nodded, letting his hands brush against the sleeves of her sweatshirt before they dropped back to his sides. “Yeah, until I’m cleared to play, I’m staying.”

“Ethan will be glad to hear that,” she smiled sadly, nodding. “He...he was pretty upset after Thanksgiving and I just...after talking to you it dawned on me that I’ve fucked up so bad Matt. With you and with him…”

“He needs to know, Care,” Matt said, resting his hands in the pockets of his gym shorts. “It’s hard to look at him and know that he doesn’t know…”

“He goes on winter break the week after his birthday, so he won’t have school. Would you come over and we could sit down and talk to him?” She asked, looking scared like Matt might turn her down.

“Sure, whatever you want.” Matt nodded. “Though, do you think we should do it more into January? ‘Cause of Christmas and all? I don’t really want to ruin Christmas…”

“Okay, January.” She smiled, letting her arms drop from around her. “He has a game today, would you like to go?”

“I am,” he nodded his head towards the door. “And I also got chirped about me trying to ruin his pre-game ritual on purpose.”

She laughed, exhaling deeply. “Yeah, he’s pretty serious about his pb&j’s. But he’s just like you were with your gross undershirt. Anytime you had to replace it, it had to be cut exactly two inches away from the collar and then ripped around until it looked all raggy.”

“Hey, it's worked for me so far, so I’m sticking to it.” Matt laughed, rolling his eyes, looking towards the door. “We should probably go meet them back at the house...unless you’re driving?”

“Actually, Ethan and I ride with your parents,” she laughed, grabbing her purse from the dining room table. “Sometimes we go for dinner afterward if the game starts and ends at a decent time.”

He opened the door and walked out onto the front porch with her following behind them, waiting as she locked the door behind her before the two of them walked down the front steps and down the driveway, making their way back to Matt’s parent's home. It was silent between them as he kicked away a small rock off of the sidewalk and into the street. It wasn���t awkward though, they never had an awkward moment of silence– it was always comfortable like it was now...but still, it’s been so long since the two of them had seen each other, the last thing he wanted to do was walk in silence.

When they reached the Tkachuks’ driveway, he saw his window closing to talk and ask the question he was dying to know. So before she could walk up the driveway and to the front door, he grabbed her hand, stopping her. “His middle name is Matthew,” he said as she turned to look at him. “You gave him my name…”

She looked shocked to see that he knew that information, but then she nodded and smiled softly. “Matthew Jr...remember?”

“Yeah, I remember,” he nodded, rocking back on his heels. “He never mentioned it…”

“Did you ask him for his full name?” She laughed, raising an eyebrow.

“Well...no, I guess not.” He replied, rubbing the back of his neck. “My Mom...she gave me the baby book and photo albums you made for me. That was really...thank you.”

She nodded, the guilty look returning on her face. “It was really the least I could do, Matt...considering everything.”

“Yeah, but all of those copies? That’s...that was just really kind of you. Especially the baby book. I don’t know how you made a good copy of your hospital bracelet and stuff.”

“It’s not a copy,” she replied, shaking her head. “You got the original...you got all of the originals. Our parents and mine are the copies.”

He stopped and blinked at her. “You gave me the original? But...why?”

“Because you’re his Dad, Matt. And you missed so much in that first year...I just wanted you to have something when the time came.” She spoke softly, crossing her arms as she looked at him. “Did you find the flash drive?”

He nodded, taking his hands out of his pockets as he crossed his arms. “His first word was Daddy, Care. How did he know who I was?”

“That was our nightly routine up until he turned two, Matt,” she said, looking at him. “Ever since he was born...I’ve always pointed you out in pictures and told him who you were.”

“But...why? I-I mean, I don’t get it,” Matt said, letting his arms drop by his sides as he shook his head. “He doesn’t remember obviously because he told me he’s never met his Dad...but you told him back then and then kept it hush. Why, Care?”

“Because I planned on telling you when you were home for those few days around Christmas and I wanted him to be able to recognize you,” she replied, holding her arms tighter against herself. “I came over and I had him with me and I was just...so nervous, but your Mom answered the door and said you were Christmas shopping with Taryn...and I went back home. That was the closest I came to telling you and it just...it didn’t work out.”

He looked at her and could see the guilt over their last conversation and her decision from all those years ago was taking its toll on her since he last saw her. She looked stressed and tired, her hair was tied up into a quick bun and she was dressed in leggings and a Boston U sweatshirt that Brady probably got for her. He was still mad and upset, and he knew that it would be a while before he really got over it at all...but he kept hearing Gio’s words in his head: “Every second that you spend wasting away in your room throwing yourself a pity party, is a second that you’re letting pass by to being able to spend time with Ethan and get to know him more.”

And Gio was right. He could internalize those feelings and let them waste him away, but that wouldn’t be helping anything. He sat with them, he heard them out– and sure, he still felt those same feelings he did from the moment he found out about what they’d all done...but that was perfectly okay. But what wasn’t okay, was to shut them out and let it eat away at him while he let more time pass by. Time, which right now was rare on his usual schedule, that he could be using to hear the memories his family and the Marsh’s made with Ethan. To get to know Ethan better and spend more time with him. Where he could pick up right where he left off with Caroline and spend as much time as he had back home with her and Ethan.

But he couldn’t do any of that if he was distancing himself away from all of them.

He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her neck, hugging her carefully as if he was waiting for her to push him away at any moment. Instead, he felt her arms move away from where they were pressed into his stomach and wrapped them around his waist, hugging him back. For a moment, he felt like they were those kids again, hugging goodbye for the last time in the St. Louis airport and part of him didn’t want to let go now, scared that like back then– things would change and go wrong.

“I want to get to know him, Care,” he mumbled, turning and resting his left cheek on top of her head. “Please, let me get to know him. I want to know my son.”

“Yes,” Caroline nodded as she sniffled softly, resting her head against his chest. “Whatever you want to do, Matt, we’ll do it.”

The two of them pulled away and laughed, taking in the other’s tear-stained face. “God, is this what happens when you become a parent? Do you cry all of the time?”

“Pretty much,” she laughed, taking a deep breath and exhaling.

He reached up and wiped the tears off of her cheeks with his thumbs before they heard the door open. They both looked towards it to see Ethan running down the steps, Matt’s parents drifting behind him. “Hurry up, people! We’ve got a game to go to!”

“Ethan, patience,” she laughed, Ethan, coming to a stop in front of them. “What’s in your hand?”

“Mimi said to give this to Matt since he’s,” his face scrunched up as he turned around. “What did you say about Matt, Mimi? That the cold will shrink his brain?”

“If he goes just wearing those shorts and a t-shirt he will,”  his Mom laughed, coming up to join them as his Dad pulled the car out of the garage and came up beside them.

“Yeah, what Mimi said,” Ethan said, shoving the sweatshirt at Matt. “Don’t want a brain freeze.”

“At least I can sit in a normal seat,” Matt teased, opening the back passenger side door and letting Caroline climb in and move all the way over to the left side of the van as his Mom got into the front passenger seat.

“Once I grow seven more inches, I can!” He replied, climbing into the car and sitting down onto his booster seat that was resting in the middle backseat. “Right, Momma? Tell Matt once I get taller I don’t have to use my booster seat anymore.”

“Don’t let him bother you, sweetie,” she replied, watching him as he reached to buckle up his seatbelt and made sure that he was secure before leaning into him and smiling at Matt. “He had to use a booster seat until he was 10.”

Ethan turned to Matt with a big smile as Matt got into the car and closed the door behind him. “Ha! You were short too, so now you can’t tease me about it because you were 10.”

“Yeah, well your Mom had to use one too, don’t let her fool you,” Matt replied, buckling up as his Dad started to back out of the driveway.

“Children, are we done bickering, or should I sit in the driveway?” His Dad asked, looking at them in the backseat.

“We’re done, I promise,” Ethan said, nodding his head. “We can’t be late, Papa Walt. I’ll have to do laps.”

“Don’t worry Ethan, that was directed towards your–” Matt’s Dad paused on the word ‘parents’ and he smiled, looking at him through the rearview mirror. “Your Mother and Matthew. 26 years old and you two still chirp like you’re 12, step up your game.”

The three of them laughed as they continued to pull out of the driveway and down the street. “Papa Walt?”

“Yes, Ethan?”

“Can I request a song, please?” He asked, resting back against the backrest.

“Sure, what would you like to listen to?” Matt’s Mom asked, turning to look at him.

Ethan turned to Matt, a smile on his face. “Do you want to listen to a certain song?”

“Um...I don’t know, how about Another One Bites the Dust? That’s a good pre-game song,” Matt replied, nodding. “We listen to it from time to time on our warm-up playlist.”

Ethan nodded, looking back to Matt’s Dad. “Papa Walt, don’t play that. Can you play Don’t Stop Believin’ instead.”

Matt’s jaw dropped as his parents and Caroline laughed. “Sure thing, buddy.”

Ethan turned back to Matt, a one dimpled smirk on his face. “We can play your song afterward...but mine is better, sorry.”

Before Matt could reply, he felt his phone vibrate and he looked down to see a text from Caroline.

Care Marsh 🐻: Forgot to tell you...he’s just as sassy as you.

Matt: I’m not sassy 🙄

Care Marsh 🐻: Says the guy who picked on an almost 8-year-old for his booster seat.

Matt: I called him short, there’s a difference.

Care Marsh 🐻: Says the shorter Tkachuk brother 🙂

Matt laughed and Ethan looked at him in curiosity. “Why are you laughing?”

“I was looking at your seat, sorry,” Matt said, sending a look to Caroline who gave him a knowing smile.

“I’m going to grow taller, I swear!” Ethan whined, leaning his head back as he crossed his arms and then looked at Caroline. “Right, Momma?”

“Right, sweetie.” She replied, sending Matt a ‘stop picking on him’ look.

“How tall are you, Matt?” Ethan asked, looking over at him.

“6’2”.’

Ethan got a cocky smirk on his face that gave Matt chills up his arms and spine because he knew that smirk– it was his smirk. “Well, I’m going to be 6’3” so you’ll be shorter than me.” He crossed his arms and shrugged, his smirk still on his face. “Watch.”

“Okay, Ethan,” Matt laughed, sending Caroline a small shrug as he smiled back at Ethan and his phone vibrated to show another message from Caroline.

Care Marsh 🐻: Well...Brady is 6’4” and he is half-Tkachuk...so who knows, he could end up being taller than his Dad 🤔

Matt: 😑

taglist [if striked through, it won’t let me tag you 🥺] :

@hockeybabe87 @nolanscheeks @hey-there9-its-me @besthockeyfics​ @hockeyshmockey @sidscrosbyy @hockeystop @hannabritta @robschwartzman @ipuckwithwriting @tkachuk-yeah @luvsherleafs @heyheyheyhayes @oilers2997 @cutiesara23 @glassdanse @annedub @notaccurateornice @art-m-anic @corrinereads @reavenedges-lies @lwstuff​ @whatishockey​ @mydarkestsecretlol​ @dorotheathe1 @barzyspov​ @dutch-tv-fan​ @dude-44 @wastedheartcth​ @sorryjustafangirl @turnoutthecitylights​ @teenagekook​ @precioustk​ @lorrmorr​ @linkingdolans​ @starswin​ @himbos-on-ice​ @shawnsreputation @heatherawoowoo​ @usmileismile @hockey-and-wine​ @brehonodea​ @ggggmoneyyyy​ @majdoline​ @hiimjaredim19 @aesterins @adelaidestreets​ @idkalexaaw​ @u-4-ia​ @jennielynnie @miss-cap21 @itrocksmysocks @spencereidbasis @b34ut1fulb4st4rds​ @withthelightoff @dreamer1430​ @predshockeyfan @joelsfarabee​​

#nhl writing #nhl oneshot #nhl imagine #nhl one shot #nhl fic #matthew tkachuk writing #matthew tkachuk oneshot #matthew tkachuk imagine #matthew tkachuk one shot #matthew tkachuk fic #hockey writing #hockey oneshot #hockey imagine #hockey one shot #hockey fic #my writing

[deluweil]

So this is a way Way overdue prompt that I got ages ago, but didn't have the time or muse-cooperation to write.

But I finally managed to write it!!

The prompt was given to me by the lovely @coffeeflavoredcookies : Chris all snuggled up to Buck as he tells him bedtime stories with Eddie standing at the door looking at them fondly.

This is fluff all the way, hope you like it ❣

-

The house was dimly lit when he got back, at this point Christopher would have usually already been in bed - post bedtime story.

But Buck has been staying the last few days with them after getting hurt on a call. Nothing too bad, mild concussion, some bruised ribs and a now relocated shoulder still stuck in a sling, so things aren't exactly on the normal side.

Buck had trouble understanding Eddie’s insistence that he stays with them, not wanting to be a burden (earning him an eye-roll from Eddie) and reminded him that he shouldn’t have to look after a grown-ass man while having an actual child of his own to take care of, (which resulted in Eddie calling Christopher and asking him, on speaker, what he thought of Buck staying with them for the next few days. Christopher cheered and Buck glared at Eddie, mouthing ‘traitor’ at him.)

The thing is, Buck seems to be unable to understand that whenever he’s hurt, physically or emotionally or just generally off-balance, Eddie is thrown to a loop right with him. Eddie would rather have him near and safe than wonder how he is, if he’s sleeping, eating - taking care of himself.

Back when his leg was crushed, so close to losing Shannon, Eddie was very close to saying to hell with Ali and then Maddie and just take him over to their place.

But Buck wasn't his to keep back then, and to be honest he's not his now, but Ali is long gone and Maddie is super pregnant, giving Eddie the best excuse to bundle him into his truck and take him home.

Sore and tired, Buck mostly slept, crashing on the couch, no matter how many times Eddie tried to get him to crash in the master bedroom, at least during the day.

Eddie got used to returning home from work to find Christopher sitting in the living room either doing his homework or playing or watching TV while Buck slept on the couch. Sometimes Christopher could be found nestled to Buck's side as they both nodded off watching some nature documentary.

Eddie has an album in his phone containing multiple pictures of his boys together. He will never get tired of snapping pictures of them, moments frozen in time, forever.

Eddie took his shoes off at the door and dropped his bag next to them. He showered at the station so he wouldn't waste time with Christopher in favor of washing the day off, he quickly rinsed his hands with soup, a habit left from crazed Covid days, then went in search of his boys.

The house was quiet, and the normally occupied couch was empty. Eddie made his way to Christopher’s room, already recognizing Buck’s low gravel voice, reading what sounded like “I Had Trouble in Getting to Solla Sollew”, Buck got Christopher the book a couple of weeks prior to his injury.

He told Christopher that Maddie used to read it to him when he was younger. They read it so many times, that both of them knew it by heart at one point. This is the first time he got to read it to him, if Eddie is not mistaken.

Eddie quietly made his way to the bedroom and stopped to lean on the door frame, taking in the sight in front of him. Christopher was lying in bed snuggled up against Buck’s uninjured side, he was already fast asleep, but Buck kept reading quietly leaning against the headboard.

“Then I dreamed I was sleeping on billowy billows

Of soft silk and satin marshmallow-stuffed pillows.

I dreamed I was sleeping in Solla Sollew,

On the banks of the beautiful River Wah-Hoo,

Where they never have troubles. At least very few.”

Eddie was so caught up in the cute picture presented before him, that he hadn't noticed Buck’s stopped reading and turned welcoming eyes on him, “Hey Eds.” he greeted with a soft smile.

“Hey Buck.” Eddie greeted back with a smile, slowly making his way inside, gently detangling Christopher from Buck to lay him properly on the pillow, and freeing Buck to rise and stretch carefully.

The blonde nodded gratefully at his friend, with a last look down at Christopher, he smiled and left Eddie to tuck Christopher in safely and say goodnight. Eddie’s eyes followed Buck as he left the room, making sure he’s steady on his feet and also because he couldn’t really look away.

When Buck was out and on his way to the living room Eddie turned around, pressed a kiss to Christopher’s forehead, turned on the nightlight and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Eddie noted Buck’s absence in the living room and followed the sounds to the kitchen, standing at the door, he inquired “Should you be without your sling?”

"Honestly, no." Buck admitted with a sheepish smile, "But my neck is killing me and doing everything one handed is driving me crazy." He complained, handing Eddie a beer and leaned back against the counter while drinking the Gatorade he started earlier.

“At least you’re not drinking beer.” Eddie rolled his eyes. Buck scoffed “I wanted to, Christopher said no.” he smiled at Eddie’s laugh.

“Sounds about right.” Eddie nodded. “Did Carla make dinner?”

Buck shook his head, “No, she had to leave early, I told her I got this.”

“Tell me you ordered dinner.” Eddie demanded.

“There are waffles and Eggs in the microwave for you.” Was Buck’s sole reply.

“You’re supposed to be resting.” Eddie protested with an exasperated look.

“I have been resting, Edmundo!” Buck rolled his eyes, “And I’ll go back to resting now that your kid is fed, ready for his day tomorrow and has fallen asleep in his own bed for a change.” Buck retorted and was about to move past Eddie when the latter grabbed the wrist of his good arm and turned him around, bringing him flush against Eddie’s body.

Faces a hairbreadth away from each other, Buck met Eddie’s eyes with a curious look, “You gonna teach me to dance Eds?”

“I thought you already knew how to dance, Ev.” Eddie replied with a soft smirk, voice barely beyond a murmur.

“Hmm.. So wha..” Buck didn’t finish the rest of the sentence because Eddie’s lips were on his, and the finally in his head was so loud, it took him a second to sigh contentedly and kiss back.

Eddie’s hands strayed to Buck’s waist bringing him even closer as he maneuvered them carefully out of the kitchen and into the living room, stopping when the back of his knees hit the couch, his palms framing Buck’s face with one last kiss before breaking apart, chuckling at Buck’s protesting whine.

“What was that for?” Buck asked as Eddie rearranged the pillows on the couch before situating himself with his back to one side and reached to gently pull Buck down so he could lie back on Eddie’s broad chest, framed between his stretched forward legs.

Buck went pretty easily, not even questioning Eddie’s tactile display, it’s been known to happen, it just didn’t usually start with a kiss. Buck turned his head to one side looking up to meet Eddie’s eyes, Eddie’s brown eyes were soft and fond, Buck couldn’t help but smile back at him when Eddie offered him a grin.

Before Buck could open his mouth and ask again what’s going on, Eddie wrapped a long arm across Buck’s broad chest and threaded the fingers of his other hand with Buck’s, resting them on Buck’s stomach. “I’m done overlooking the pink elephant in the room.”

“Is that a veiled reference of your dislike for that shirt?” Buck quipped, squeezing Eddie’s hand reassuringly.

“That too.” Eddie played along, he really did hate that shirt, but Buck kept insisting it defined his muscles, which it did, but literally most of his size-down shirts already did that. “But also because coming home to the sight of you and Christopher every night, was pretty much wearing me down.”

Buck’s face broke into a smile that was a complicated mix of self-consciousness and contentedness, which Eddie found adorable, “So what broke you tonight?” Buck asked, bringing Eddie out of his reverie “I mean, it was a pretty standard evening in the Diaz household.” He pointed out with a teasing smile.

“You made sure Christopher fell asleep in his own bed.” Eddie said, chin resting on the top of Buck’s head gently.

“Well, It felt like some normalcy was needed.” Buck replied, his voice soft. “Both of us injured and out of commission in the short span of five months seemed to be taking a toll.”

“And the fact that you’re the one who managed to find a way to stir him back into the right direction is what broke me, I guess.” Eddie admired quietly, “That, and the cute picture you two presented when I got into the room.” He smiled, pressing a kiss to Buck’s temple who was blushing endearingly.

The moment was broken by an exhausted yawn from Buck, “Sorry, been a long day, and you’re too comfortable.” he accused jokingly.

“Bed?” Eddie suggested.

“You sure?” Buck asked, it’s not like they haven’t shared a bed before but this was semi-new territory. “I've already bonded with the couch, I’m good sleeping out here until we figure this out.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, “Bed.” he determined with a growl.

Buck chuckled amusedly as he rose carefully to his feet along with Eddie, “Caveman.” he teased.

Eddie shook his head with a laugh, “brat.” he retorted, pecking Buck’s lips before taking his hand and leading him to the master-bedroom.

***

That's it :) I hope you like it!! 💖💖

ps. That book Buck is reading to Christopher is a story my dad used to read to me and my sisters when we were youngers, we all know it by heart, to this very day. 🤗💕

#buddie prompt #buddie fic #evan buckley #eddie diaz #christoper diaz #is a national treasure #short fluff #buddie #9 1 1 on fox #buddie fandom #buddie fanfiction #buck x eddie #eddie x buck #eddie and buck #9-1-1

[sxngshine]

Phobia

• Pairing: Chan x reader

• Word Count: 4.26k+

• Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut

• Warnings: a bit of drinking, car sex, oral(M receiving), unprotected sex(wrap it up), switch!reader, dom!Chan idk what else but don't read if you don't like smut.

• Summary:idk how to explain without spoiling shhsshhs just read it.

• Notes: This was a long overdue story dedicated to @braveshin djsjxs. I had it half done but then went ia but now I'm kinda back so here you go🤧🤧. This is my first full/complete smut so apologies for the lack of knowledge in that part lmao. Happy reading💞! [Edited but possible mistakes lemme know if I missed smtn]

---------------------------------------

You hadn't seen him in ages. After you both confessed to each other you thought everything would be all rainbows and peaches between the two of you. And to be honest it was. But then there was just one issue, the both of you were super awkward when it came to intimacy.

You always had the regular kisses and hand holding and hugs like every other couple. But the issue was that neither of you tried to go father in fear that the other wouldn't like it or would be uncomfortable.

That was 2 years ago. Now the both of you live separate lives without each other. He had gotten his dream job as an artist, you saw him on TV quite a lot and it made you miss him even more.

You got your dream job as well, one that allowed you to travel a lot and on the side you were a well known content creator. People admired you for being able not only work through a super busy schedule, but also create original content for your viewers.

The both of you had tried maintaining a long distance relationship, but you felt like you were drifting away from him because of your busy schedules and being unable to talk. You had enough of it one day, missing him and hating that he was never around anymore.

In the end, you both decided to stay friends but lost contact with each other in a matter of months.

There were many regrets that you had, many things you wish you had said and done but it was too late now. You never even once told him that you loved him properly and you always wished you could go back in time to tell him.

After so long, you would think you'd finally be over him, but here you are sitting in a club drinking your problems away.

You didn't really want to be here, you were on break for a few days and wanted to mope around your apartment after seeing him perform his newest album , but your friend dragged you here with a hope of loosening you up and after getting you to drink 6 shots of whatever concoction she stirred up, it started to work.

You didn't drink too much though, enough to get your mind off of things but not enough to be super hungover the next day.

You expected the night to go by with you sitting alone with your glass of whatever your friends gave you as you watched your people dance too close too each other.

What you didn't expect though, was to see him walk through the door. You were beyond shocked, what's he doing here?

It looked like his old group of friends dragged him here. You watched him discretely -or at least tried to- as he looked around the place with clear distaste in his eyes, wanting to be anywhere else except here. But the moment his eyes met yours, all those thought flew out of his head like they were never there in the first place. Your eyes widened and it was like time had stopped.

The harsh music in the background was nonexistent at this point and the other people disappeared. It was just you and him. His friends went to go find a vacant table but he made his way over to you instead.

You looked away and prayed he wouldn't come over but it was useless because in a matter of moments, you were faced to face with the one and only person you were trying to forget about.

"Y/N? Is it really you?" He asked, clear surprise in his eyes.

"Hey... Chan," you greeted, smiling nervously as you looked anywhere but his eyes.

"How're you? I haven't seen you for so long I almost didnt recognize you! You look so different," He exclaimed.

It was true, you completely changed your look after the both of you lost touch. Your once short hair was now at your waist, the once all black and baggy wardrobe was replaced with bright, slightly more fitting clothes (you were quite sad but you loved your new clothes so it was okay). You held yourself high with confidence which was foreign to him because you were normally so shy.

His eyes raked over your outfit, you wore a tight sparkly navy blue dress that ended mid thigh. Your shoulders and collarbones bare due to the skinny straps and low neck.

You couldn't help but look him over as well. He was clad in black ripped skinny jeans and a black tshirt, blonde hair untamed on his head. His chains sparkled under the flashy lights of the club and his leather jacket was doing his arms wonders. In other words, he looked hot. But you couldn't just say that.

After shamelessly checking each other out for a solid 2 minutes Chan cleared his throat.

"So uh, mind if I sit down?" He asked, giving you a small smile in which you returned with a nod.

The both of you started catching up, talking about your accomplishments and old memories you shared. You wanted to get some fresh air after a bit so the both of you grabbed your things and walked outside, the cool air sending pleasant shivers up your spine. You strolled down to the parking lot and Chan offered to drive you around in his car which you accepted.

"If you don't mind, can I take you somewhere?" He asked, after a few moments silence.

You nodded and Chan drove you both to wherever he wanted to take you. Fifteen minutes later the both of you arrived at a cliff that overlooked the city.

You remembered it being a place you and Chan visited often during the night, the city sparkling under you as the both of you goofed around. You had made many memories here.

"You still remember this place?" You asked, getting out of the car and walked over to the edge, leaning against the railing. "I haven't been here in ages!"

"How could I forgot? This was an important place to me." He answered, coming up beside you, looking over at the city illuminated by thousands of lights.

Then a silence fell upon the two of you. You didn't feel the need to say anything, just enjoying the silence and the distant buzz of the city. It was... comforting.

"I missed you Channie, I missed you a lot." You said out of nowhere. You weren't looking at him, but you could tell he was looking at you. The alcohol was getting to you but you didn't mind, needing the extra confidence.

"Ever since you left, I started regretting not doing so many things. I never got to tell you how much you meant to me, how important you were. I wish I could've told you how much I loved you and cared about you. How I never actually wanted to break up and how broken I became when we did," you felt tears form in your eyes as you poured your heart out to him.

"I said I was doing great before but I lied, I spent a good month locked in my room just crying. I was such a mess and then we just stopped talking and my whole world just broke apart and I just-" your voice cracked as tears now fell freely down your cheeks. You bent down and buried your face in your hands, sobbing hard.

Chan was so caught off guard with your confession, but he knew right now wasn't the time for him to be acting like that. He bent down beside you and pulled you into a hug, allowing you to cry as much as you needed while he rubbed your back.

When he felt like you had mostly calmed down, your hard sobs turning into small sniffles and hiccups, he released you from the hug.

"Y/N, look at me," he said, his hand coming towards your face. You reluctantly looked up at him, your eyes red and puffy with mascara running down your cheeks.

"When I left, it took everything in me not to just drop everything and stay. I was in a terrible state when we broke up, my members kept saying I looked like a literal zombie. There were so many times where I was gonna call you but backed away cause I thought you wouldn't want to talk anymore," he admitted.

"R-really?" You stuttered, trying to even out your breathing.

Chan nodded, his eyes flickering to your lips before going back to your eyes.

"Can I-" Chan tried to say but was cut off by your lips smashing into his. He wasn't prepared for it and fell back from the force, pebbles digging into his palms.

But Chan could care less, the only thing on his mind was how soft your lips felt against his. All that built up tension between the two of you had resurfaced and neither one of you were going to stop till you were relieved.

The both of you pull away after a long heated kiss, looking deeply into each others eyes.

"Wanna continue at my place?" Chan asked, breathing heavily. You shook your head and moved off of him.

"That'll take too long and I'm not in the mood for waiting." You said, standing up before lending him a hand.

Chan was surprised by your response but it turned him in even more. "Car?" He asked, taking your hand.

You nodded and dragged him to the back seat of his car, opening the door before pushing him in gently. Once he was in you climbed in after him and closed the door.

Wasting no time, you crawled onto his lap and cupped his cheeks. "Are you okay with this?" He whispered.

You nodded, whispering a small yes and kissed him again, your lips moulding together in perfect sync. You both of you have shared kisses before, but they were only light pecks, nothing more than that. If you knew kissing Chan would feel like this you would've done this a lot earlier.

Chans hands, which rested on your waist started travelling south to your ass and squeezed. You gasped into the kiss and he used the opportunity to push his tongue into your mouth.

He moaned as his tongue explored your wet and warm cavern, your tongues swirling around in unison. Chan lowered you onto the seat, hovering over you as he groped your ass.

Your arms were tightly wrapped around his neck, fingers pulling at his hair. You were in such a euphoric state you didn't realize that Chans hands had left your ass and were now removing the straps of your dress.

He moved to sit up so that he could see your half naked body, dress pooled at your hips and everything else exposed for his eyes to take in and admire. "Fuck you look so gorgeous.." Chan cursed before diving into your neck, leaving dark bruises all over your throat and collar bones.

"Chan.... take it off," you mumbled, pulling on his jacket as he attacked your neck. "I don't want to be the only nude one here,"

Chan quickly sat up and began removing his jacket, throwing it to some random corner in his car. He had been distracted trying to remove his shirt, and you took the opportunity to switch things around.

Before Chan could process what was happening, you had flipped him over onto the seat and straddled his legs, looking down at him with a mischievous smirk as you ran your nails down his solid abs, causing a shiver to run up his spine.

"What're you-" he tried to protest but you shushed him by placing your finger to his lips.

"I may have seemed like I'd submit to you before , but that's not the case here baby boy. I can dom quite well too," you winked at him, licking your lips at you took in his smooth pale skin and hard muscle. "Let me show you how much I love you too,"

You're head sunk down to press a soft kiss to his forehead. "Just relax and let me do the work," you whispered into his ear.

Chan decided to obey your wish for now, wanting to see where this would go. He was becoming harder every passing second as he felt your hand trace his abs and your mouth do wonders to his neck and chest, leaving hickeys all over.

You ground your clothed heat against his covered crotch and it was driving Chan crazy. "Quit teasing me and take it off already," he rasped.

You smirked and moved away from him. "Yes sir," you whispered, softly grinding your hips to his as you took your time unbuckling his belt. Chan had about enough of your teasing and quickly sat up, pushing you down onto the seat once again.

He glared at you as he quickly pulled down his pants, bringing his boxers down with it and brought a little relief to his rock hard cock.

You gawked at how large it was and Chan sat down on the seat, legs spread. "Put that pretty mouth to use babygirl," he demanded.

You knew exactly what he wanted and moved to first remove your dress off your hips, leaving you in just your panties. Grabbing his red and hard cock, you pumped it a few times before pressing a soft kiss to the angry red tip, eliciting a moan from Chan's mouth.

You licked a stripe from the base of his shaft back to his tip before taking it into your mouth. Chans fingers threaded into your hair and held the strands tight, pushing you all the way down his dick so your nose was touching his pelvis. Chan let out a loud groan, tip hitting the back of your throat as he pulled it out then back down your throat.

You felt tears prick your eyes has Chan showed no mercy to your throat. Your scalp was sore from the vice grip he had on your hair but you liked it, feeling your core become wetter than it was before.

You felt Chan twitch in your mouth but he pulled you off before he could come, hissing to himself as he held his orgasm in. When he felt as if he could continue without cumming with one touch he quickly motioned you to lay down once again

"You can show me how much you love me some other time babygirl, but right now I'm in charge," Chan said, hovering over your body once again.

His lips attached to your breast, rolling his tongue over the hard bud as his fingers hooked around your panties. He removed his lips from you at ask you for permission which you nodded to.

Instantly his mouth returned to working its magic on your nipples as he pulled your panties down your legs. He dropped them onto the floor, fingers slowly caressing up from your calves to your thighs, ghosting where you needed him the most.

He switched to your other nipple, once again ghosting over your core and you let out a small whimper. "Chan.. please I need you," you whined.

"I don't know... I'm having fun teasing you like this," Chan mused, moving his head away from your chest. He finally looked down at your core and smirked widely.

"Look at how wet you are babygirl, and I still have yet to touch you there," Chan's pride had gone through the roof, pleased that he could make you feel this way.

Finally showing you some mercy, he rubbed his fingers against your core, cause you to moan and buck your hips against his fingers, trying to get more friction.

Chan held your hips down with one hand while the other collected your wetness on his fingers, dipping in into your entrance. You let out a gasp as you felt his finger push inside you, not used the feeling.

"Goddamn Y/N, I only put in one finger but your still so tight," chan groaned, pumping his finger in and out of you before slipping in another one.

You moaned, bucking your hips against his fingers. You were so lost in trying to reach your high you didn't realize Chan stopped moving his fingers.

"Shit- that was so hot." Chan cursed. That's when you realized he wasn't moving. Your eyes snapped open and looked into his dark ones already staring hard at you.

"Do you like fucking yourself on my fingers? Does it make you feel good?" He asked, pulling his fingers out of you.

You whined, feeling your orgasm slipping away each second he wasn't touching you.

"When I ask a question I expect an answer babygirl," Chan demanded.

"Yes! Yes I do," you replied quickly, hoping he'd start doing something again.

"Do you want my fingers to make you come?" He smirked, his wet fingers lightly rubbing your folds.

"N-no! Please Chan I need you," you cried out when he pressed his fingers on your sensitive bud.

"What do you need babygirl? Tell me," he continued teasing you, fingers circling your entrance.

"I want you to fuck me please," you whimpered, hips twitching from his agonizingly slow movements.

"You'll need to do better than that," he retorted, stopping his actions.

"I-I want you to fuck my pussy with your cock Chan- hnmf!" You tried to say but were cut off by Chans fingers being pushed into your mouth. You instinctively swirled your tongue around his fingers, sucking your essence off his fingers.

"Such a good girl..." he muttered, taking his finger out of your mouth. He lined himself at your entrance before cursing under his breath.

"Can I go in raw? I don't have a condom on me.." Chsn asked, looking at you for permission.

"I'm on birth control, it's okay," you confirmed. Your heart swelled at how he still asked you for consent rather than just going in for it.

Chan didn't waste another second, slowly pushing his head into your throbbing pussy.

"Fuck..." you both moaned. Chan slowly eased his way into you, giving you time to adjust to his thick length stretching you out deliciously.

Your jaw fell slack when he bottomed out, feeling so full with him completely inside you. He gave you a second to adjust before drawing out of you almost completely and then pushing in again, setting a slow pace with deep thrusts.

You couldn't do anything but moan, fingers clutching Chans biceps as he lowered his head back to your chest.

"Chan.. harder.. go.. harder," you panted, letting out a loud moan when he did just that.

Both of you were lost in a euphoric state, trying to chase your own highs. You felt a knot like feeling in your stomach, one that was growing tighter and tighter with each hard and deep thrust Chan gave you.

"I-I'm so close," you cried when Chan hit a particular spot that really had you screaming.

"Cum baby," Chan whispered in your ear. And that's all it took for that tight knot to come undone.

You moaned Chans name as you came all over his cock, walls clenching around him so tight that it had him shooting his hot seed deep into your womb.

Chan help both of you rode out your highs, but didn't pull out just yet. You could feel him becoming soft inside of you.

"That was amazing..." you panted lightly, a smile gracing your face. Chan stared down at you, nodding his head in agreement.

He slowly pulled out of you, cum dripping from your pussy to your ass. Chan quickly grabbed a box of tissues from the back and cleaned the both of you up.

You sat up and pulled your dress back on, not liking how quiet Chan was being.

"Chan? Are you okay?" You asked. Chan's head snapped up, turning to you.

"What- oh uh.. yeah I'm okay," he said, but you were unconvinced.

"Come on, tell me what's wrong?" You pressed. Chan just sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"I-I feel like I this was a mistake. I spent so long trying to get over you. I thought I was while I was overseas but then I was pulled to that stupid club and saw you. And all that time I spent getting over you went down the drain just like that. And to makes things worse, I just fucked you!" Chan admitted, frustrated he ruffled his hair aggressively.

You felt your heart shatter. He thought this was a mistake...? You swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears from forming.

"Y-you think what we did just now was a mistake?" You asked, voice cracking slightly.

Chan realized what he said and instantly started denying it. "No no no, I don't! It's just that, we spent so long getting over each other, you yourself said you're not over me. And i just made it worse for you,"

"I don't regret it Chan." You stated, looking at him with glassy eyes. "Everything that just happened, I don't regret any of it."

Chan looked at you sadly, pulling you into a hug. You buried your face into his shirt, feeling a few tears come out of your eyes and soak his shirt.

"Chan, if you could, would you date me again?" You mumbled, feeling kind of drowsy.

"Definitely. I wouldn't hesitate to ask you again," Chan answered. You thought for a second before replying.

"Then why aren't you saying anything now?" You ask. Chans brows knit together in confusion. He sits you up straight and looks into your eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, what's holding us back from dating now?" You asked, looking right back into his eyes.

"Y/n... I'm gonna be travelling a lot. I'm only here for the week then I'm going to be going on tour for the next 2 or 3 months. We'd never work out. The same thing that happened before will happen again and I can't go through another heartbreak." Chan said dejectedly.

"I-I'll wait for you Chan, I swear. No matter how long it takes. I was selfish before and only thought of myself. I'm more open minded now, I don't mind waiting. Just please don't leave me again." You pleaded, hands clutching his shirt.

Chan felt his own tears forming, a small smile forming on his face. He cupped your cheeks, wiping the tears from your face.

"Are you sure? You'd have to be very patient with me then. I won't be able to text often, I'll be out of town at least 3 times a week, I won't always answer your calls. I'll be tired and unable to take you out on proper dates most of the time, they'd be pretty rare. Do you think you'll be able to handle all that." He asked, resting his forehead against yours.

"I'll be as patient as I possibly can. No matter how tired you are, or how far away you are or how busy you are. No matter what mood you're in. I'll support you however I can and be as understanding as possible. I promise." You answered, a smile forming on your face as well.

"Well then L/n Y/n, will you be my girlfriend... again?" Chan asked, giggling a little. Your smile turned into a grin and you kissed Chan softly.

"Does that answer your question?" You asked after pulling away. Chan pecked your forehead and nodded.

****

Chan was driving you home, not realizing how late it had gotten. He held your hand in his while keeping the other on the wheel, refusing to let go when you told him to keep both hands on the wheel.

You and Chan caught up along the way, with Chan talking about his music and future albums and you talking about your life as a content creator and your job. Chan, much to your dismay confessed to watching your videos when he was bored or too lazy to continue working, claiming that your videos were very entertaining and creative.

"The way you were trying to get dress coded at work had me laughing like crazy!" Chan exclaimed, stilling laughing while imitating how happy you were when you finally did get dress coded.

"Everyone's worn that shirt at least once! I was determined to wear it as well. Besides you gotta break the rules every now and then," you winked, giggling right after.

The both of you were silent for a little while, simply enjoying each others presence before you accidentally snorted out loud. Chan glanced you with an eyebrow raised. "What was that?"

"Sorry," you giggled, a faint blush on your face out of embarrassment. "I was just thinking about everything that happened. We did everything in the wrong order. You were supposed to asked me out first, take me in a date and then we'd get to the fucking stage. But we went straight to fucking then you asked me out."

"We're unique. We don't follow the rules." Chan laughed. "By the way, I'll take you on a date tomorrow."

You snorted again, loving how messed up your sequence was. "Okay, I can't wait."

And from then on you and Chan found yourselves living your best lives with each other. Nothing like the first relationship you had. Rather than showing a lack of affection and communication like before, you were much more the opposite. And that's exactly how you'd perfer it to be.

Fin.

-------------------------------------------------------

Should I make an alternate ending or a part 2👀? I kinda wanna make y'all cry jdsjka.

#skz au #skz scenarios #skz fluff #au #bang chan #bang chan fluff #bang chan fanfic #bang chan ff #fluff #skz angst #skz smut #bang chan x reader #bang chan smut #chan angst #chan fluff #chan imagines #chan smut #smut

[snelbz]

Lost Time {17}

A/N: Shit’s about to hit the fan. :) Another chapter written with @tacmc​.

Azriel was waiting in the kitchen, trying to distract himself to pass the time. He wasn’t dressed in anything fancy, and he knew Elain wouldn't be either, but she still made him wait. He’d only been waiting for twenty minutes or so, and he was already on his second cup of coffee.

It was a big day.

He needed the energy.

Miryam had just come to pick Novan up, excited to spend the afternoon with him. She’d tried to give Azriel a comforting talk, sensing his nerves, but he hadn’t heard a word she had said.

He checked the time.

“Elain!” He called, standing at the bottom of the stairs. “It’s almost noon!”

“Be right down!” Her voice floated down the hall and he shook his head, laughing quietly.

Of course Elain, the most punctual woman in all of Velaris, would be late to her own wedding.

Neither of them felt that a traditional wedding ceremony was necessary after all that they’d been through. They didn’t want to send out the invitations and wait for replies and pick out linens and dessert menus. After four years, they wanted to pick up right back where they’d left off.

So that’s exactly what they did.

Azriel heard heels clicking down the stairs and he walked that way from the living room. When he met Elain at the bottom, he was speechless.

The ivory dress she wore was elegant, but its simplicity allowed the beauty of the woman wearing it to shine through. And not only did she shine, Elain glowed.

Azriel took her hand as she reached the main floor and he kissed her lips softly. “You are stunning.”

She blushed and pushed him away. “Hush.”

“No,” he breathed, smiling down at her. She leaned up on her toes, kissing him one more time, and he asked, “Are you ready?”

She nodded, beaming. “Do you have the rings?”

Smiling, he patted his pocket. “Yep, and a surprise from Mom in the kitchen.”

Elain’s eyebrows rose, but she headed that direction.

Azriel followed closely behind and when she saw the handmade bouquet, her reaction was everything he hoped it would be.

Elain came to a slow stop as she neared the table, her hand coming up to cover her parted lips as she beheld the pink and white roses, the eucalyptus leaves and baby's breath, tied together with a strip of burlap, straight from Miryam’s garden.

“She wanted you to have something to make it seem more…” Azriel’s words trailed off as he searched for the right word. “Like a wedding,” he finished, at last.

“I love it,” she breathed.

Azriel cleared his throat as she turned back around, her eyes misty and bright. He took her hands. “I know this is what you said you wanted, El, but if you want an actual wedding-.”

“No,” she interrupted him, softly. “I want to be your wife, and I want to be your wife, right now. It’s already long overdue.” When she reached up to press her palm against his clean-shaven cheek, he leaned into her touch. “And our appointment is in twenty minutes, so you better get me there quickly, Mr. Draeven.”

He snorted, laying his hand over her own and turning his face to kiss her palm. “I’m not the one who took two hours to get ready.”

She leaned up and kissed him one last time before saying, “A girl only gets ready for her wedding day once.”

With a barked laugh from Azriel, they were out the door and on the way to the little chapel on the Sidra.

The ceremony was sweet, simple, and, most importantly, quick. Not even an hour later, Elain and Azriel were on their way back to the house, matching silver bands on their left hands.

“So, Mrs. Draeven,” he mused, his hand on her thigh as he drove. She sat in the middle of the truck bench, the beautiful bouquet buckled into the passenger seat. “What now?”

The smile on his face was infectious, but the smirk on Elain’s lips had his eyebrows raising. “Well, you already knocked me up,” she chuckled.

He winked. “Twice.”

She threw her head back and laughed. “We’re horrible at this whole birth control thing.”

“The first time we were eighteen,” he said with a shrug. “It happens.”

“And surprise baby number two?” She asked, shaking her head. “What’s our excuse this time?”

He opened his mouth to reply, but then closed it and shook his head. “I’m really bad at pulling out?”

Her laughter was louder as she nudged him in the shoulder. “Obviously, but I’m not complaining.”

His grin was wide, radiant, as he took her hand and squeezed her fingers. “I’m not either.” He looked over at her, his eyes going soft as he pulled up to a red light. “I’m so happy, Lainy.”

“I am, too,” she breathed, her eyes lining with silver as the light turned green, and they were moving, once more.

“We have three hours before we have to be at mom’s,” he said, quietly, turning onto their street.

“What are you implying?” she whispered, eyes lit up.

“It’s not official until I take you to bed,” he said, his small smile full of amusement.

“It that so?” she asked, keeping her eyes on him as he pulled into their driveway.

“Mhmm,” he crooned. “So, we better make it official before we do anything else.”

He put the car in park before getting out and rounding the truck to open Elain’s door. After she took his hand and hopped down, Azriel was scooping her up into his arms and carrying her up the front porch steps.

“I’m a sucker for tradition,” he chuckled when she looked up at him, delight in her eyes.

She laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him lightly. “Okay, tradition. I’d like to reiterate that I’m almost four months pregnant.”

“Yeah,” he smiled and opened the front door without even jostling her. He carried her across the threshold and without pausing to put her down, he was heading right up the stairs. “It’s tradition that I knock you up before our wedding. Now I’ve traditionally carried you across the threshold of our home and I’m going to traditionally go upstairs and make love to my wife, for- how long until we have to be at my mom’s?”

She chuckled and said, “We told everyone we’d be there at four.”

“Then about three hours,” he said, letting his lips drag across her skin.

As if on cue, Elain’s stomach growled as they were entering their bedroom and he added, “Right after I go get her a snack.”

She blushed as he set her down on the bed. “It’s the baby, not me.”

He chuckled and shook his head, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. “Whatever you say, my love.”

Azriel hurried downstairs, stopping at the truck to get Elain’s bouquet and return it to the water it had been in earlier. He then grabbed her standard The baby is hungry snack from the past few weeks - a string cheese and three mini powdered donuts - and was heading back up the stairs, when he heard the quiet moan and froze. He heard it again and picked up the pace.

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but finding Elain naked on their bed, her fingers already inside of her, was not it.

Her snack was quickly forgotten.

—————

Just after four, they were pulling up to Miryam’s house, the rest of their family having already arrived. After Azriel put the car in park, he was looking over at his wife, his eyes soft and full of adoration.

“How mad do you think mom would be if I just took you back home so we could keep doing what we were doing?” Azriel whispered.

Elain laughed, rolling her eyes as she got out of the car. “Come on, hubby, let’s celebrate.”

With a chuckle, and a hefty yawn, Azriel followed her lead, taking her hand as they made their way up to the backdoor. Over the last three hours, Elain had completely worn Azriel out. Not that he was complaining, but he had no idea how he was exhausted and she, the one carrying a child, was wide-eyed and cheery.

He didn’t care, though.

It was completely worth it.

When they opened the backdoor, everyone was in the kitchen, and all eyes swiftly swiveled toward them. Congratulations! were shouted, and then everyone was rushing toward them, wrapping them in hugs. Miryam was in tears, whispering “Finally,” as she took her youngest son’s face in her hands and kissed his cheek.

There was food passed around and smiles shared and after about twenty minutes, Elain blinked and looked around the room. “Where is my child?”

“He refused his nap at one,” Miryam said, shrugging her shoulders. “I told him if he stayed up, he’d be sleepy when mama and daddy came over. He told me that he was a big boy and big boys don’t need naps.”

Elain sighed, rubbing her bump, “He fell asleep right before we walked in, didn’t he?”

“Literally crashed on the couch minutes after we got your text,” Cassian chuckled, his arm wrapped around Nesta’s shoulders.

After seven months, she was finally over the sick part of her pregnancy, but now she was constantly, constantly horny. Miryam had been joking about making a rule that her grown children couldn’t disappear to have sex in her house, specifically while Donovan was over, until she’d actually had to enforce it.

Az let his head fall back against the couch cushion. “Great,” he chuckled. “Getting him to go down for bed in three hours should be a piece of cake.”

The sarcasm lacing his tone had Elain chuckling, until Feyre mused, “Az, you’re acting like such a daddy.”

Elain’s laughter quieted and she looked up at him, cheeks heating. He smirked and pressed a kiss to her forehead, and she snuggled closer into him. “It happens,” he muttered.

Rhys cleared his throat. “Speaking of kids and daddies and all that, we, uh.” He looked at Feyre and took her hand. “We are officially adopting. We signed all the paperwork yesterday. Someone will be coming to inspect the house and interview us next week, but aside from that…”

Feyre said, “We didn’t want to steal your thunder, but we couldn’t keep this from y’all.”

For a moment, everyone was silent, staring, then they were all rushing at Rhysand and Feyre, giving them the same congratulatory greeting as they gave Azriel and Elain.

“That’s so exciting!” Elain cried, one hand over her heart, the other over her abdomen. “Stealing our thunder, are you kidding me? Oh, I’m so happy for you two, congrats.”

Feyre’s eyes were lined with tears as she leaned into Rhysand’s chest. “It may be a long journey...but, I can’t wait.”

“Me either,” Rhysand breathed, kissing her nose.

Cassian cleared his throat. “Okay,” he began, choked up, “before I start sobbing like a baby, let’s get some wine out and make a toast for all the good news, yeah?”

Elain and Nesta rolled their eyes, but nodded nonetheless, chuckling and doing just that.

At some point, the photo albums had been unearthed, even the ones that had come with Azriel and Rhys when they’d started their new lives with Miryam and Drakon. Cassian, having nothing but the clothes on his back, had no physical copies of his memories before they became a family.

“Nothing worth remembering happened before you found me,” he said, pressing a kiss to Miryam’s forehead as she and Elain looked through the baby book Azriel’s birth mother had put together and hidden from the world.

She smiled up at him as Elain flipped the page and froze, saying, “Okay, but you can’t convince me that’s not just a picture of Donovan.”

Getting up from where they sat on the floor, Azriel, Rhys and Feyre looked at the picture.

“Forget the blood test,” Rhys muttered. “I should have just had you bring this picture to the paternity test that day.”

Azriel snorted, but he said nothing. He was amazed, looking at the picture his wife was pointing to. He couldn’t have been older than four, couldn’t have been older than Novan was now.

He started to find himself wondering about the new baby, not for the first time, whether it would be a boy or a girl, what the baby would look like. Would this baby look just like him, too, or would the baby take after Elain? What if what she said before was to be true, and there would be twins?

If they were twins, would he get them confused?

The thought suddenly felt like a weight in the pit of his stomach.

Elain blinked, looking up at him. “You okay?”

He cleared his throat. “Yeah, no, yeah. I just...got thinking about what’s going on in there.” His hand tenderly rubbed her little bump, and she laughed, quietly.

“In a bad way?” she asked.

His smile was genuine when he said, “No, not in a bad way.”

A small creak at the top of the stairs had everyone glancing up. Elain’s smile grew as she said, “Hello, sleepyhead.”

He slowly made his way down the stairs and climbed onto the couch before climbing on top of Elain and and flopping on top of her. She grunted quietly.

Everyone tensed, but then she carefully resituated him, moving the bulk of his body off her abdomen and scratched at his back. Azriel’s eyes were worried as he extended his arms to take him, but she shook her head, nestling Donovan’s head in the crook is her neck. “Did you have a good nap?”

He nodded, but asked, “Is that me, mama?”

Elain turned her head, looking over at the photo album she’d set off to the side. She smiled and picked it up, turning it where Novan could see the picture and Az. “No, baby, that’s daddy when he was your age.”

“Oh,” he said, with a yawn.

“What do you think?” Azriel asked, quietly. “Do we look alike?”

He nodded, starting to smile the more he woke up. “Yeah, a little bit.”

Azriel chuckled. “Just a little bit?”

Novan nodded. “What about when I was a little baby? Did I look like you then?”

Azriel hesitated, but Miryam was quick to say, “Just like daddy, buddy.”

Novan’s smile widened. “I like little babies. Aunt Nesta has a little baby in her tummy.”

Nesta nodded in agreement as Elain said, “Sure does.”

“How do babies get in mommies’ tummies?” he asked, those questions continuing.

For a moment, no one said a word, but then Cassian started laughing and Nesta rolled her eyes.

“Well,” Azriel began, a thousand different approaches flew through his mind. “Mommies and daddies….they….it just….happens.”

Novan’s brows scrunched together, but Elain only shook her head, laughing quietly. “Don’t worry about it now, bud, ask us again when you’re older.”

Novan groaned and rolled his eyes. “I don’t like that answer, mama.”

“I know,” she laughed, kissing his head. “All you need to know is that soon Aunt Nesta’s little baby is going to be here, and you’re going to be able to hold it. And you know what?”

“What?” Novan asked, kicking his feet from the side of the couch.

They hadn’t planned on telling Novan that he was going to be a big brother until later, didn’t plan on telling Nesta and Cassian until they were alone, but when Elain looked up at Azriel with a question in her eye, they knew it was the right moment.

“See how big Aunt Nesta’s belly is getting?” Elain asked.

With a raised eyebrow, Nesta quietly scoffed, “Bitch.”

Miryam scolded her quietly, but her own eyes were filling with tears as she realized what was happening. Novan nodded.

With one last glance up to Az, seeing the silver lining his eyes, she said, “Soon, mommy’s tummy is going to get that big, too.”

Donovan’s big, hazel eyes lit up. “You got a baby in your tummy?”

She bit her lip to keep from crying and tucked the loose fabric of her dress around her small, defined belly.

The biggest grin spread across Novan’s mouth. His voice got significantly louder as he asked, “I’m gonna be a brother?!”

Nesta was looking between Elain and Azriel, her mouth hanging open, and Cassian’s tears had returned.

“Yeah,” Elain breathed, holding Novan’s hand in one of her own, Azriel’s in the other. “You’re gonna be a big brother, buddy.”

“When?” He asked, clapping his hands together.

“It’ll be a little bit,” she laughed, wiping a tear from her cheek.

“I can’t wait.” His grin was infectious and everyone else couldn’t stop the smiles on their own faces. Elain wrapped him up in her arms, holding him tightly to her chest. His little arms snaked around her neck. He asked, “Is it a brother or a sister?”

“We don’t know yet, buddy,” she said, pulling back to look at him. “We’ll find out next time we go to the doctor. But in the meantime, you have to be really careful around mommy’s tummy, okay?”

Nodding excitedly, he crawled off of her and asked, “Can I give the baby a kiss?”

Elain’s eyes were filling with tears as she said, “Of course.”

Donovan carefully leaned down and pressed the softer of kisses to her stomach. “Hello, I’m Novan. I’m your big brother and I’m always gonna take care of you, okay?”

The footsteps as Azriel stepped out onto the porch got everyone’s attention and Elain was about to stand up, when Nesta said, “Let me.”

Cassian and Elain glanced at each other warily, but nodded.

Nesta was careful not to let the door slam behind her as she followed Azriel. She was expecting the pacing, she was expecting some tears from him, but she wasn’t expecting the full body sobs she found when she stepped outside.

Her voice was surprisingly quiet when she asked, “You okay?”

He spun around, his cheeks red as he wiped at his face, but when he tried to speak, he only cried harder. Nesta, around her bump, took Azriel into her arms and patted his back as he cried into her shoulder.

“Sorry,” he said, through his tears, but she just whispered, “It’s okay.”

“I just…” he began, leaning back and wiping at his face. “I never thought I’d have this life, you know? I’d always dreamed…” He shook his head and took a shuddering breath. “I feel like I’m living in a dream, the life I always wanted, and I’m so fucking happy, Nesta, I’ve never been this happy...but, I’m almost not used to being happy, you know? I’m just...so overwhelmed.”

She ran a protective hand over her stomach. “I know the feeling, trust me.”

He wiped at his face again, and nodded. “I’m just…” He sighed and shook his head. “I’m waiting for someone to rip the rug out from under me. Like I’m not supposed to get this much happiness. And I’m-.”

“You can’t think that way,” she interrupted. “No matter what happens and what life throws at you now, you’ve got the most amazing wife, the sweetest son, a supportive family and a baby on the way. Whatever it is, Az, we’ll get you through it.”

He nodded and hugged her once more, awed by how far their relationship had come since he’d come back to Velaris.

“Now come on,” she said. “Donovan hasn’t realized that weddings mean cake yet.”

Azriel laughed, quietly. “That is the best part of weddings as a kid, isn’t it?”

“The only good part when you’re four,” she said, winking.

Azriel nodded, hesitating as he wiped at his damp face, yet again, not wanting Elain to know that he was crying. She had enough to worry about it, and didn’t want her having to worry about him, too.

Nesta, a spark of understanding in her eyes, pulled a tissue out of her dress pocket.

Azriel blinked.

“What?” she shrugged. “I’m pregnant, I always have tissues.”

He chuckled, thanked her, and took it to clean himself up before he followed Nesta in through the backdoor. Laughter floated in from the living room, and that feeling settled into Azriel’s chest, once again, that there was so much happiness, so much joy, and he was so grateful, so blessed, but he just couldn’t believe it. Especially as he rounded the corner and caught Elain’s bright eyes, the perfect smile plastered on her face.

She was so unbelievable stunning that it took his breath away.

Nesta said loudly, “Az, why don’t you take your son into the kitchen for some cake so I can use adult language while I talk to your wife.”

Novan’s head popped up from where he’d been trying to fly, thanks to his Uncle Rhys. “We have cake?!”

Donovan was launching himself into Az’s arms and he caught him with a grunt as his mini-me said, “I asked Meme if there was cake! There’s always cake in movies.”

He chuckled, as once again, the words out of his brilliant son’s mouth surprised him. “You’re too smart for your own good, kid.”

He just wrapped his little arms around his daddy’s neck and beamed up at him.

Nesta was right, he realized, smiling down at his son. Hard times might come, there could always be some kind of trouble on the horizon, but as long as he leaned on his family, as long as he had someone who looked at him the way Donovan did, Azriel knew that he’d be fine.

—————

“Daddy?” Novan began, yawning as Azriel tucked him into his bed.

“Hmm?” He sat down on the edge of the little twin mattress, cocking his head to the side as he looked at his son.

“I’m excited to be a brother,” he said, sleepily. “Are you excited?”

Azriel chuckled. “I’m very excited, and I’d love to talk to you more about it tomorrow, but it’s way past bedtime and you need to get some sleep.”

“I’m not tired,” he said, the lie perfectly obvious when he yawned, again.

Azriel tried not to laugh as he said, “Well, I’m tired, so you have to go to sleep so I can go to sleep. And mommy needs her sleep, because the baby in her tummy needs the most sleep.”

It was quiet for a moment before Novan gave in. “Okay, okay, fine. Goodnight, daddy.”

“Goodnight, buddy,” he said, quietly, kissing Novan’s head before he got up to turn off the light, his nightlight still glowing brightly in the corner.

He cracked the door as he left, shutting the light off in the hallway and made his way into their room. Before falling face first onto the bed, he noticed the little plate of donuts on Elain’s night stand, and when he looked up from his pillow, she was peeling her string cheese apart, bit by bit. Her eyes were on the television across the room, but when Azriel’s hand covered her bare belly, one of his old t-shirts raised to expose it, she began to smile.

“It’s a bit late for the baby to be hungry,” he smirked.

“Oh, I know,” she smiled and looked down at him. She brushed his hair back off of her head. “That’s cause mama was hungry this time.”

He snorted and leaned up and kissed her, sneakily grabbing a donut from the plate and eating it in one bite.

Elain raised an eyebrow. “Did you just steal food from a pregnant woman?”

Azriel quickly swallowed, powdered sugar still on his lips and said, “No?”

She rolled her eyes and settled into the pillows. “It’s a good thing I love you.”

Pressing a kiss to her head, he said, “I love you, too. My wife.”

The smile was back and she said, “Say it again.”

He kissed her once and said, “Wife.” Kiss. “Wife.” Kiss. “My-.” Kiss. “-beautiful-.” Kiss. “-wife.”

Her smile was breathtaking and she opened her mouth to say something when they heard vibrating.

Elain glanced to her nightstand, where her phone was lying face up, no notifications lighting the screen up. “It’s not mine.”

Quickly, Azriel was up, grabbing the dark jeans he’s discarded on the chair in the corner and fishing his phone from the pocket.

He froze and stared at the screen, silencing it and lying it face down on his nightstand.

“Who is it, baby?” Elain asked, looking at the clock on the wall. It was only nine, but that was late for either of them to get a call that wasn’t from their family.

He crossed the room shut off the light before crawling in bed and pulling her tightly against him. “Someone I used to work with in New York.”

She traced the lines of his tattoo across his chest and asked, “Should you get it?”

With a shake of his head, he said, “No, I’ve spoken to them about it once before. Any other info they can get from my voicemail.”

Elain yawned and nodded, almost immediately falling into a deep, peaceful sleep. Azriel kept one arm around her as he grabbed his phone and unlocked it.

Not only was there a missed call from her, but there was also a text message, which had come in seconds after the phone call ended.

His eyes flicked to the contact at the top of the screen and he cursed himself for not getting a new number. As much as he didn’t want to see Ianthe, he sure as hell didn’t want her anywhere near his family.

I’m in Velaris for a shoot and would love to see you. Call me and we can get together. Like old times.

#snelbz lost time #snacmc #snelbz tacmc collab #elriel #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acosf

[capricornus-rex]

A Legacy Begun (11 - End)

Chapter 11: The Spark of Hope | Cal Kestis x Reader

Summary: After a long time of running and fighting, you and Cal decided to finally settle down after all these years to raise a family. However, it was never a life of peace whilst the shadow of the Empire looms over your heads.

Prompt/s in play: Anon prompt (found in Chapter 1 link) + fic idea

A/N: Wow, I’m a day overdue on this. I was supposed to work on this a day ago until I had a yard accident. Don’t worry, nothing’s broken, but something’s... wiggling. Hopefully, I’ll be okay in a few weeks... hopefully. Sorry for the delay, you guys.

Also posted in AO3

Tags: Scruffy! Cal Kestis, Daddy! Cal Kestis, Adult! Cal Kestis, Jedi Family, Jedi Offspring, Force-Sensitive Offspring, Settling Down, Rebel Alliance

Chapters: 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 | Previous: Part 10 | Masterlist

11 of 11

The Kestis family and the Mantis crew eventually decided to join this alliance with the objective of stopping the Empire at all costs. They took up the offer a month after Mari Kosan had personally approached them.

For young Cassidy, it was a big adjustment, having to leave the home she knew back in Zera III and begin to live in a new home. The child had mixed feelings about it, she had sensed the uneasiness of her parents when they prepared for their departure that day.

“I never saw a planet that red before,” she gasped, gawking at Yavin’s main planet that they passed by as they approached the moon’s atmosphere.

When the Mantis had cut through the skies and had full view of the forests that covered the land mass. All of a sudden, little Cassidy didn’t feel a bit homesick anymore.

“It’s… almost like home,” she softly uttered, the treelines reminded her of the wide, green dells of Zera.

Greez prepared the Mantis to land near the open area in front of the sandstone structure. Upon closer look, it would’ve been a temple when it was still in its prime. The entire family was greeted by Mari Kosan, who went out of her way to meet with them as soon as she saw that familiar ship flying into their radar.

The bustle of the temple-turned-base of operations fascinated the young Jedi. Never has she ever seen a different kind of ship besides the Mantis, she had to step back while keeping her head titled up—emphasizing the gargantuan size of the fighter ships.

The new feeling was a two-way road: for the adults working in the base, it was new for them to see a kid running around—understandably so, it was someone’s daughter. As for Cassidy, she wasn’t used to this much people in a single place, she felt small and therefore found more solace with her family.

“This place is so much bigger than our house, Mom!” she exclaimed.

“Well, it is a base after all, darling,”

“Did they build that too?” she points to the pyramid.

“No, it looked like it’s been there way before they even came here,”

Much like her lifestyle in Zera III, Cassidy found herself a spot where she can practice her saber techniques in peace without being in the way of the adults working in the base. It’s no surprise that her spot was another clearing in the forest, little did she know that she was in full view of the scouts in the watchtowers but they didn’t mind her that much, it was also only a few meters away from the base so she can find her way back on her own.

Her parents eventually found her spot, thanks to a watchtower scout, and they continued their training—almost as if nothing happened. Over time, her skills improved and she was able to spar with her parents—something that she has been secretly dreaming even before she had her own saber constructed.

“You’re catching up real quick!” Cal encouraged.

“Well, I’ve been practicing all week, Dad!”

“Don’t get cocky then, Cassy!”

Cassidy’s combat techniques had evolved from sticking to only Form I: Shii-Cho to being a practitioner of Form III: Soresu, occasionally making a medley out of the first four forms if the situation arises. It was a blatant contrast to her father’s combined forms—which were technically powerful, swift, nearly-brutish in terms of movement, and is highly likely to be overwhelming for an unskilled opponent.

You observed that Cassidy was more in the offensive and Cal was being defensive in his stances. He surely didn’t go easy on sparring against his daughter.

“You confuse your confidence with arrogance, keep yourself grounded—literally and figuratively!” Cal lectured as he proceeded to lunge at her, to which she barely dodged by a hair. “Celebrating too early will cloud your judgment. You may think you’re winning—but you’re getting closer to loss.”

From that, Cassidy became more conservative with her attacks, timing for the right window of opportunity to get a jab at Cal, he disarmed her when he made a flurry of combos against her to the point that the grip on her saber had weakened and led her scuttling on the dust. The tip of his lightsaber hovered mere inches away from the front of her face.

“Well, Cassidy?”

This isn’t how Cassidy pictured herself in today’s instruction. While she had her father thinking that she’s submitted to the ground, she mustered her energy in her hands and Force-pushed her father away. It wasn’t a strong push, but enough to stagger him away from her so she can reach for her saber.

Igniting it the second the weapon reunites with her hand, she lunged for an overhead strike to which Cal flimsily deflected while trying to regain her footing.

“Impressive,” he commented as the colors of their blades mixed in the tight space between them. Cassidy pulled away before she could let the weight of her father overcome her in the block. “Most impressive.”

Cal switched his saber off, signaling the end of today’s session. Cassidy made a celebratory spin of her saber before turning it off.

“You’re learning everyday,” you added.

“There are just some parts that I can’t get right,”

“You’ll have plenty of time to work on that, sweetie. Come on, it’s time for lunch, Greez is making your favorite,”

“Alright!!”

Cassidy raced out of the forest, forgetting to wait for her parents and simply dashed towards the Mantis. You and Cal exchange insights on your daughter from today’s session.

“She’s becoming more and more skillful. She really is a born fast learner,”

“To tell you the truth, I didn’t think she’d do a Force-push on me. That was quite creative of her,”

Cal insisted that his daughter had inherited tactfulness and adaptiveness from you.

“Yes well, she got that tinge of recklessness from you,” you rebutted, half-jokingly.

The two of you walked out of the clearing and followed Cassidy to the Mantis. Apparently, she was waiting for you by the entry ramp, when she had caught sight of her parents she disappeared into the ship, probably helping out set the table inside.

“If there’s one thing Cassidy is weak for—it’s fried Nuna legs,” Cal quipped, nothing but a chuckle from you became his reply.

The first few months have been peaceful, yet there was always the looming fear that war will come here and ravage the moon. Your only comfort being you’ll be fighting with good people and in numbers.

—–

0 BBY, IN THE TIMELINE OF “A NEW HOPE”

In the midst of the committee, he was held in high regard, looked upon with great esteem, they turned to him whenever the subject matter felt like his insight was crucial. He was a constant figure among the meeting rooms in the base. They didn’t look down on him due to his second origin of being a scrapper, as a matter of fact, he had the same knowledge as their engineers.

“Master Kestis,” a voice, faceless among the crowd in the meeting room. He had insisted everyone to simply call him by his first name, but out of force of habit, they end up addressing him as Master.

When he knew that it was hopeless for him to correct them, he turned to that voice in the room that addressed him. His glance prompted them to continue.

“Do you think it’s plausible to have a far-range receiver to pick up the Empire’s signal?”

A brief pause allowed him to think. He returned his attention to the holograph where they had gathered.

“Well, the concept is similar to something I’ve designed for our previous home. But to make its range farther—for instance, from the surface to off-planet—we’re gonna have to need a stronger satellite, calibrate it with an open channel frequency, and once we test it, we can figure out how far our dummy ship’s signal can be picked up once it’s out of the moon. The farther, the better—it means that we can pick up the Empire in our radar before they even realize it.”

“It’s an ambitious design, but not impossible,” Gial Ackbar, the Mon Calamari admiral, interjects. “It’s sure to help us buy time when the need to evacuate comes.”

“We’ll see what we can do in the drawing board,” the head engineer added, stroking his grey-white beard as if he’s come up with an idea to add up to Cal’s concept. “I think we can do that on one of the prototype transponders we have to communicate with the pilots from their ships once they’re off the planet.”

“That could work, I’d like to see it some time, if you don’t mind, Head Engineer,”

“My boy, it will be a delight if you stop by!” the old head engineer chuckled, tucking his hands into the pockets of his long, white coat.

The meeting was adjourned after a few more discussions varying between the Empire and the base’s own resources. Everyone else dispersed in the meeting room and Cal was one of the first people to leave the room, trading curt nods at fellow rebels as he passed by the hallways.

Cal wore many hats and served them one by one—sometimes even juggling two at a time. But past the formalities, the conferences, and the ceaseless interaction with the diplomats, he always returns to the one role he has been taking on for eleven years.

“Dad! Watch me train with Mom!” Cassidy comes running up to her dad in the hangar and he catches her in his arms.

“I wouldn’t miss it, sweetie,”

“Then we’ll spar, right?”

“You betcha!”

Father and daughter appear into the forest clearing where you had been waiting for the two of them. Cassidy slipped her hand away from her dad, Cal gently holds you by the cheek and pulls you in for a kiss.

“Darling, you’re back,”

“I missed you,”

“It was only for an hour or two,”

“Yeah well, meetings aren’t really my thing,” the bridge of his nose crumpled, playfully making a grimace as he stretches his arms upward and wraps one of them around your shoulder. “This is a bit more of my thing.”

Bemused, you rolled your eyes and found his hand on your shoulder, “Which one—today’s instruction or me?”

He inched close and grinned, the tips of your noses brushing against one another, “Both.”

His lips pecked yours, but he doesn’t plan to let go of you any moment soon.

Now at eleven years old, Cassidy continued to prove her potential as a Jedi.

The child was lithe and nimble, using them to her advantage whether in combat or traversing the terrain of the obstacle course that her parents had built together. Her strategical skills were put into good use in that training course.

Her liveliness in combat was balanced out in using the Force and meditating, courtesy of you, no less.

“You’re getting better at the fighting,” you initiated, eventually slipping away from Cal’s arm. “But let’s see how you’ll fare without your weapon.”

Using the Force, you spirited away the saber from Cassidy’s small hand. She didn’t have time to react on it and realize that you’re stealing away her saber.

“Oh, don’t think about pulling the same trick as you did with your dad,”

There was stern tone in your voice, just hearing it made Cassidy’s stomach churn. To reassure her that it was going to be a fair fight, you removed your saber from the designated hook on your belt and joined it with Cassidy’s atop a rock’s flat surface.

“There will come a time that you’ll be robbed of your weapon—mostly by your enemies. And when that happens, you’re essentially bare—but don’t let that deter you. The weapon you have next to your saber is yourself. Now then…”

It occurred to her that she had to wield only the Force and engage in hand-to-hand combat against you. You seldom engage in any form of combat with Cassidy—because that was more of Cal’s work—but it was only this one time where she saw you throwing fists and delivering kicks. She’s seen you fight with a lightsaber, but rarely with your bare hands.

Your own daughter was surprised to face her mother—who was barely angry or aggressive, always sweet and doting—not once did Cassidy ever imagine you challenging her. Then again, you were a Jedi, she knew that you would eventually.

She tucked her knees down, placing herself in a stance with her fists in front of her.

“Good form. Now, see if you can attack me,”

Cassidy resumed to being the one who always engages in the offensive first. Springing her heels toward you, she attempted to pull a punch—in the blink of an eye, the whole of your palm stopped the impact on wherever she was planning to hit you.

You pushed her away, deflecting her blow, and she restarted her stance. For every punch she threw, she was denied of landing it; in perfect balance, you bent down level to her waist and your leg literally swept her off of her feet.

“Throwing punches may feel thrilling, but if you’re going to be reckless like that first moment, it’s not going to work,”

“I’ll try again,” she declared, steeling her mental willpower and her demeanor.

Going back to your stance was your reply, you anticipated her attacks. This time, she opted to start with a kick and your forearm shielded you from the tip of her boot. When you swung her foot back to the ground, she hooked her left fist towards your cheek—a bold move, you thought, but it was nothing as you repeated the same deflection as the first time. Cassidy took you by surprise when she flung a kick against your side when you were busy blocking her punch with your arm.

You staggered at the impact, you dented the earth with your boots as you skidded and reset your footing to face her in the other direction. A small smirk curled along your lips—that meant that she’s impressed you with her last-minute tactic—and the fistfight continued.

“Good!” you exerted. “Keep making use of your advantages, Cassidy!”

Cassidy allowed the adrenaline to flow within her, dictate her movements, and be able to analyze the situation faster before you could retaliate. Punches and kicks land between mother and daughter. Flinging and trading fists, making sure that it doesn’t only cut through the wind.

Eventually, your eleven-year-old secured her win on this round when she delivered a kick on your knee and then to your abdomen. When the adrenaline had died down in her system, Cassidy’s clenched teeth loosened and the tension in her shoulders relaxed. She darted towards her mother’s side, assisting you to get back up on your feet.

“Oh… Oh no, Mom! Are you okay?!”

“I’m fine, sweetie,” you grunted, managing a reassuring chuckle and taking her hand, you repeated. “It’s fine.”

“I’m so sorry, I… I don’t know what gotten into me,”

“A little adrenaline couldn’t hurt, Cassy,” you tussled her hair. You exhaled away the aches that her hits have delivered.

The arrival of a Corellian freighter called your attention, catching a glimpse of it on the trees’ canopy. The intrigued youngling darted out of the clearing to find it landing right in front of the base, opposite of where the Mantis idled.

“Wow, that’s a big piece of junk,”

“Now Cassidy, be nice,” Cal lightly scolded.

“Oh come on, Dad, you think so too, right?”

He sighed, bobbing his head left and right, “Okay, it’s not the best piece of work, really.”

“Knew it!” the child chuckled.

From afar, you spot the Princess exiting the ship, flanked by a pair of men, a Wookiee, a gold protocol droid, and a blue-and-white astromech.

“Well, it seems Her Highness has gotten herself stuck with an interesting band of misfits,” you commented within Cal’s earshot.

“Quite an interesting rescue team if you ask me,”

The family approached the group, appearing out of the clearing to greet the princess with the greatest esteem.

“Ah, Your Highness, this is Master and Lady Kestis,” the soldier introduces.

“Your Majesty,” husband and wife greeted and bowed in unison, to which the Princess immediately dismissed.

“Oh come now, there’s no need for formalities,” she beamed a smile with lips as red as roses.

Cassidy was still a tad shy towards newcomers, she hid behind Cal’s hip as she gazed at the mismatched group of misfits; she was mostly interested with the Wookiee and how tall it stood over everyone else, when the brown, hairy creature met eyes with her, she was startled and hid her face against her dad’s arm, but the Wookiee tilted his head slightly, mirroring the child’s gesture as she gradually peeked out of her father’s arm. When she sensed that the tall creature was harmless, she flashed a shy but friendly smile and the Wookiee groaned softly.

The same head engineer from Cal’s meeting beckoned him to join them inside the base.

“Lady Kestis, if you don’t mind, we would like to have your company in the council room as well,”

“Of course,” you turned to Cassidy. “Daddy and I will be back, okay? You go play wherever you like.”

“Okay, Mom,”

You kissed her forehead, “I’ll see you later, okay?”

She nodded and you let her free. You and Cal followed the head engineer and the Princess, boarding a cart separate from theirs on the way into the hangar. The Kestis couple sensed the urgency as they strode into the meeting room, while having the meeting, Cassidy had wandered off into the hangar—secretly following the newcomers and caught the eye of the boy with sandy brown hair.

“Hello there,” the nineteen-year-old spoke in a friendly tone and bent to her level. “What’s your name?”

“Cassidy,”

“What a pretty name. Well, Cassidy, I’m Luke! Nice to meet you,” he gladly extended his hand, offering her a handshake. She hesitated for a few seconds but took his hand with hers and they shook on it.

She didn’t notice it, but Luke’s friendly smile unconsciously dissolved as he felt something within the girl. It was similar to a feeling he had not too long ago. Even with his eyes opened, he suddenly reminisced a moment where he had his vision obscured and the sound of the lightsaber buzzing against projectiles rang fresh in his eardrums. He shook away the thought and managed a smile in front of Cassidy as he let go of her hand.

“Did you rescue her? The princess?”

“Yeah, I guess we did,”

“Are the bad guys coming here? Because I have a bad feeling about it,”

“Oh well, would you look at that—just when I thought you were the youngest here, there’s one who beat you to it,” the other man, obviously taller than Luke, cuts in before he could give the boy a chance to reply.

The Wookiee grunted in reply.

“Don’t scare her off, Chewie,” the man blurted.

In reply, the Wookiee raised its voice on the man with the black vest, flailing its arm to emphasize whatever point it was making. While the three bickered, Cassidy turned her head to the freighter they came in with, she reminded herself of her father’s scolding and bit her tongue.

Moments later, all of the pilots started gravitating towards the room where the engineer had summoned them. Although he wasn’t a pilot yet, Luke decided to join in, but he politely excused himself in front of Cassidy before he went with the herd of orange jumpsuits. Amidst that gathering of pilots, Cassidy’s parents were also in that briefing, listening to the head engineer as he points at the blueprint of the plans they’ve recovered while giving instructions.

“So much for that far-range receiver,” Cal mumbled within your earshot.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get your chance in making it,” you comforted as you listened.

“Using proton torpedoes, a precise shot into this small exhaust port found in this trench—it’s an opening so small, its width roughly measures about two meters—will cause a chain reaction into the oscillator, destroying it from the inside,” the head engineer explained.

Murmurs filled the room, heads turning left and right as doubt begins to fill the meeting room. You and Cal glance at the uneasy pilots, their collective inhibition was so loud that neither of you don’t need to sense it—because everyone else in the entire room did.

“That’s impossible!” a faceless voice, lost in the crowd of orange and white, stood out from the whispering.

“Then man your ships, and may the Force be with you all,” the engineer adjourned.

“Are you fighting with them?” that question had been suffocating you for the duration of the briefing.

“No, I don’t think I have the strength to leave my girls here,”

Relief washed over you as you smiled, Cal secretly slipped his hand to yours and intertwined fingers with you. The two of you watched the pilots disperse out of the room, some were confident, some were nervous—but if there was one thing they had in common: they’re ultimately anxious.

Cassidy eventually found Luke donning a starpilot’s jumpsuit. She watched the blue-and-white astromech droid being hoisted by a magnetic crane into the designated port on the exterior of the X-Wing.

“I hope they’ve calibrated and oiled your S-foils well,” Cassidy blurted. “It’s gonna be hard if it’s not fully locked in their attack position.”

“You sure know your starfighters,” Luke smiled, impressed.

“My dad used to be a scrapper, so he knows his stuff. Plus, he helps with the ships too!” Cassidy said proudly.

Luke replied an awkward but friendly laugh as he climbed the ladder onto the cockpit of his X-Wing.

“Hey Luke!”

“Yeah?”

“May the Force be with you!”

“May the Force be with you too, Cassidy!”

You beckoned Cassidy into the far side of the hangar, where the three of you watched all of the X-Wings wheel out of the hangar and take off to the skies—carrying the hope of the entire Rebel Alliance as a first step to battling the Empire.

#cal kestis fic #cal kestis #cal kestis x reader #cal kestis x reader fic #scruffy! cal kestis #daddy! cal kestis #adult! cal kestis #jedi family #jedi offspring #force-sensitive offspring #settling down #rebel alliance #star wars #star wars fic #sw #sw fic #star wars jedi fallen order #star wars jedi fallen order fic #swjfo #sw jfo #swjfo fic #sw jfo fic #jedi fallen order #jedi fallen order fic #jfo #jfo fic #anon #for anon #fic request #fic

[multi-obsessed-fanfic-writer]

It’s For The Best (Zuko x Reader)

Author’s Note: Ah! First fanfic post! I absolutely love Zuko and Sokka so there’s probably going to be a lot of one-shots for them right now haha. This is also set up for a part two if anyone ever wants it! I’m also content leaving it at this as well, though. I’m really excited to be writing again and I can’t wait to post more stories for everyone to read! Thank you so much!

Summary: You adjust to life with Zuko after the war when you realize it may not be everything you’ve ever wanted and more. 

It’s For The Best

Zuko x Reader

Word Count: 3,164

Warnings: Angst

You had never expected to even make it out of the war alive, so how did you end up where you are now?

You’re currently sitting in the courtyard of the Fire Nation palace while feeding small pieces of bread to the floating turtle ducks in the pond. If someone had told you this is where you’d be two years ago, you would have laughed in their face. Oh, how times have changed.

“Hey, (Y/n),” A voice behind you causes you to turn around. You face the one and only Zuko, your ruggedly handsome boyfriend. 

“Well, hello, Firelord Zuko,” You say, smirking slightly. He grimaces at the excessive use of his title. 

“We’ve had this conversation already, (Y/n), I don’t-”

“You don’t want me to use your title all the time, yadda, yadda, I get it.” You sigh, rubbing a hand over your face as you turn back to your previous position facing toward the pond. You toss another piece of bread to the turtle ducks. 

Zuko sits next to you, his hand finding yours. You let him take your hand and rub his calloused fingers across your smooth skin. You stop throwing bread and turn to face him.

“I’m sorry this is so hard for you,” He murmurs, bringing your hand up to his lips as he presses a feather-light kiss to the back of it. Your features soften at this side of him. It’s a special soft side of him that he saves for when the two of you are alone. You love it, though. 

“It’s just...not the life I thought I’d be living, you know? It’s taking some time to adjust.” You look down at your feet, your hand dropping from his grasp.

“It’s been almost a year, (Y/n). How long do you think it’ll take to adjust?” He whispers, his eyes searching your face for an answer when you don’t give him one.

A long silence passes between the two of you before you decide to finally break it.

“I’m starting to get hungry after throwing all this bread at animals. I’m going to go get a snack from the kitchen. I’ll see you later.” You press a chaste kiss to his cheek before abruptly standing and striding off to the kitchen. Zuko stays behind.

You hate to do this to him. You hate to make things so hard on him while you try to adjust to life in the palace. However, as a waterbender from the north pole, you were way out of your element. Quite literally. You were used to freezing cold temperatures, heavy coats, and playing in the snow. Here? You feel...out of place. It’s much too hot for you, you can’t wear any of the clothes that you’re comfortable in, and there’s no place that you can feel at home at. Least of all the palace.

Zuko wants you to feel at home in the palace, he wants you to feel like you fit in. You know why, of course. As his girlfriend, it’s natural that he’d eventually want to marry you, and if that happens, you’d spend your life here. Of course he wants you to feel comfortable at the place you might potentially spend the rest of your life at. However, you just couldn’t. It had been a year and you had yet to relax in the palace. You didn’t want to be the queen of the nation that had ruined your home, not that ruining your home was something you were still upset about. The Fire Nation was better under Zuko’s rule, but you still didn’t want to rule a nation at all. It wasn’t in you. You’re just a regular girl.

“Lady (Y/n)? There are visitors here to see you.” A guard speaks to your right. You jump at his presence, having just reached your hand out for a biscuit. 

“Uh, send them in. Thank you.” Your cheeks flush with embarrassment that the guard had caught you snacking and had seen you jump when he scared you. However, the guard seemed to pay no attention to this fact as he steps aside and three people rush forward to greet you. 

“(Y/n)!” Katara, Aang, and Sokka grin, running toward you with arms open wide. You get enveloped in a bone-crushing bear hug from the three as a warm smile spreads across your face.

“Hey, guys! Long time no see!” You hug them back, a warmth filling your chest. It had been roughly a month since you had visited them at the south pole with Zuko on some ‘external relations’ diplomatic mission Zuko was sent on. You had tagged along to see your friends.

“It’s been too long!” Aang complains, finally breaking the hug to give you a wide smile as he laces his and Katara’s hands together. You smile at them, you’re happy that they’re still doing well together.

“How have you guys been? And where’s Toph?” You ask, looking individually at their faces. None of them have grown up too much which gives you a sense of relief even though it has only been a month since you saw them last. 

“We’ve been great!” Katara grins and squeezes Aang’s hand as he blushes.

“And Toph had some important family issue at home she had to attend to. I’m not entirely convinced she just didn’t feel like traveling. But anyway, we miss you! You should come back to the south pole, we need you there,” Sokka interjects with a pout. You smile sadly at him but don’t answer, fearing you might let something slip out that you don’t necessarily mean.

“Where’s Zuko? Shouldn’t you guys be together?” Katara winks at you, giving you a playful smirk. You didn’t have the heart to tell her that you had just left him sitting alone out in the courtyard. 

“Uh, I think I saw him in the courtyard last.” You feign innocence, pretending to think hard about where your boyfriend might be. They all grin widely.

“Well, let’s go pay him a visit! Come on!” Aang and Katara all-but-drag you over to the courtyard where Zuko is still sitting on the stone bench, a forlorn look on his face. You furrow your brows as you get a pang in your chest. You put that look on his face. 

“Zuko! My man!” Sokka saunters up to him and sits down, slinging an arm around his shoulders. Zuko’s head shoots up, clearly not hearing the four of you approach. 

“Oh, hey guys.” Zuko waves to everyone, his eyes lingering sadly on you for a moment. You look anywhere but at him.

He knows you’re not happy here and he’s having the same internal debate that you’re having. Do you stay together, hoping that one day you’ll be happy and content in the Fire Nation? Or do the two of you let go and accept that your lives may be taking you in different directions?

You’re not sure where your head was at on that question. On one hand, you love Zuko dearly, and you’re not sure you can give him up. On the other, though, you think about what it would be like to be the queen of the Fire Nation. You’re not cut out for that kind of job, and you rarely get to see Zuko now that he’s Firelord, so what would happen when you both had royal duties to attend to? Would you get to see him at all?

“How are you guys doing over here in the Fire Nation?” Aang pipes up, smiling between you and Zuko. You look over at Zuko and find that he’s already staring at you, waiting for your answer first.

“Things have been...great,” you lie straight through your teeth, “Zuko and I have been having a wonderful time. I’m so excited to be here with him.”

“Really? First you lied to me, now you’re lying to them?” Zuko mutters. Katara, Sokka, and Aang overhear this and turn to you in confusion. Your cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

“I never lied to you, Zuko. I said I needed time and that’s exactly what I’m standing by. Are we seriously going to have this discussion right now? Here, in front of our friends?” You say, your voice quiet as you carefully plan what you’re going to say to stop the argument.

Too late.

“I think this discussion is long overdue, (Y/n). I’ve given you a year in the Fire Nation and you still refuse to call it home, to accept that this might just be where you belong. You refuse to accept me,” He breathes out, having stood up. He now stares at you from a few feet away, a fiery look in his eyes as his anger flares up. You know you’ve put him in a tough position, but this wasn’t easy for you, either.

“Zuko, I don’t want to cause a scene. Please, can we discuss this later? In private?” Your eyes flit over the faces of your friends. They all look shocked, not having known that you and Zuko were not doing well.

“I don’t want to discuss it later! I want to discuss it now! How come you aren’t comfortable with me anymore? Here? Where we belong together?” He asks, taking a few steps forward until he’s only two feet in front of you. You grit your teeth, screwing your eyes shut as he says this.

“Because this isn’t where I belong, Zuko,” you finally let out the words that felt like they were being trapped just beneath your skin for ages, itching to finally get out in the open, “I belong in the north or south pole, with my people. I belong with other waterbenders who can help me hone my waterbending skills. I belong in the cold where I can wear clothes that I’m used to instead of the sweltering heat where I feel like I’m constantly being melted alive. I belong somewhere where I might have the chance to be normal again instead of being exalted to the highest status in the nation. I don’t want to be queen, Zuko, I want to live a normal life without royal duties. I want to be able to see my husband in the future instead of constantly being told that he’s in a meeting. This is where you belong, but I don’t think it’s for me.”

Everyone is speechless. They all gape at you, eyes wide and mouths dangling open at this sudden confession. Zuko’s eyes convey fear, hurt, and betrayal all at once. You want to grab him and pull him close to you, telling him that you still love him and that you want to continue to try to be comfortable here. For him.

But you know it’s too late for that.

“Do you even still love me?” Zuko’s voice comes out barely above a whisper, only loud enough for you to hear. You mull over the question in your head.

Do you?

Before you can answer, Zuko has taken your silence as your answer and he starts to walk off in the direction of the palace, brushing past you on his way through. Your heart breaks as you feel him graze your shoulder as if you aren’t even there. This answers your question immediately.

Yes, you still love him, but you’re not sure that’s enough anymore.

“What...was that?” Sokka interrupts your thoughts, staring in shock at you. You bite your lip.

“I...I don’t know.” You manage to spit out, tears threatening to spill out of your eyes as you think about what you’ve done. You can’t just bounce back from this. You had all but admitted to Zuko that you didn’t want to be here anymore, which meant you didn’t want to be with him anymore.

“We’ll...be in the guest quarters. Come get us when you’re ready, I know you probably need some time to think.” Katara gives you a sad, knowing smile as she grabs the boys and leads them away from you. You sink to the ground, your knees grazing the water of the pond as the turtle ducks wade over to you for food. You sit back on your ankles, your mind reeling as you think over what this could mean and what your possibilities are now.

Could you go back and apologize? After everything you’ve said, would he even accept your apology? Would he want you back?

Would you even want to come back?

“I need to talk to him…” You murmur to yourself, looking over at the baby turtle ducks. 

You stand, still a little numb from the previous interaction, and start to walk toward the palace. You need to sleep things over before you rush into any more tough conversations with Zuko.

You walk to your chambers, falling into the bed and falling asleep on top of the covers almost immediately. Your sleep is fitful and dreamless.

~+~

You wake up, you’re not sure how much time has passed, but it’s still day time. You look down and realize that a blanket has been draped across your body and a hot cup of tea is waiting on your bedside table. You reach over and take a quick sip, kicking the blanket off and swinging your legs over the side of the bed. Once you’re standing, Zuko slips into the room quietly. He turns to face you, realizing that you’re already standing there.

“Oh! You’re awake,” He says sheepishly, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck, “I didn’t know. It’s morning, by the way. You slept the whole night.”

“Oh, sorry...Did you do all of this?” You ask, motioning to the hot tea and blanket. He nods. 

“Yeah, I...I did. Um, listen, we need to talk.” He sits down on one of the small couches in your room. You sit on a couch across from him.

“We do.” You nod curtly, sucking in a breath as you prepare for the pending fight.

“I-I know that I was rude yesterday, and I’m sorry. We both said things that I think we didn’t mean…” He trails off, looking up at you. You give him a sad look.

“I’m sorry, Zuko, but I meant what I said,” You say softly. Your eyes hold a tenderness that he knows you only hold for him. Zuko looks down at the carpet, a poorly attempted smile making its way onto his face.

“I know,” he murmurs, “and I understand now. It took me a few hours, but I think I know what you mean. The Fire Nation is only a burden to you, and I’m sorry it took me a year to realize that.” 

His eyes look sadder than you’ve ever seen them before. You know this is hard for him, and it’s equally as hard for you, but you both know that it’s for the best. 

“It’s not your fault. I was hard to decipher sometimes, and even I didn’t really know what I wanted until yesterday. I’m really sorry, I...I didn’t want for this to happen,” You reply truthfully. You didn’t. You wanted to be with him, to love him, to be his queen. But it just wasn’t in the cards for you.

“I know you didn’t. Neither of us planned for this to happen, but I think we both know what’s best for you. You should join Sokka and Katara in the South Pole, they need you there. And I wish that you could need to be here, too, but we both know that you don’t. You most of all. So, go. I want you to be happy, even if that means leaving us behind. I’m...trying really hard to be mature about this,” Zuko rants, running his hands through his hair. You grab one of them and hold it in yours, sitting next to him on the small couch space.

“I love you, Zuko. More than you could ever know. And I don’t think I’ll ever stop truly loving you…” You trail off, leaning in for one last kiss. He complies, pressing his lips to yours softly and lingering there as he soaks in every last moment with you.

“I’ll visit the South Pole soon, yeah? Just because we won’t be together doesn’t mean we can’t still be friends, right?” He rests his forehead against yours and tears slip down both of your cheeks.

“Right. This isn’t goodbye, it’s just a see you later. We’ll be on separate paths in life, but that doesn’t mean that we will never see each other again,” You murmur, pressing a kiss to his forehead, “I’ll see you soon, Zuko. I promise you that.”

“I’ll see you soon, (Y/n/n),” Zuko whispers as he watches you get up and walk away from him, through your door, and into the hallway. 

Once you’re in the hallway, you let out a breath of relief. You can’t believe that conversation went as well as it did. 

First thing’s first, though. You need to find Katara, Aang, and Sokka. 

You run down the hall, newfound freedom running wild within you. You smile and knock on Katara’s door and it swings open in two seconds flat. Inside are Katara, Aang, and Sokka already chatting. They look confused at the smile on your face.

“I’m coming back to the South Pole with you guys,” You say, your smile only growing wider. None of them question you as they break out into wide smiles of their own.

“Heck yeah! Now we can go penguin sledding together!” Aang cheers, pumping his fist in the air. Katara gives you a slightly confused look and you shake your head, motioning that you’ll talk to her about it later. She nods and envelops you in a big hug as the boys join her. You hug back and a few tears slip down your cheek unnoticed. This is a very emotionally torn day for you since you feel happy and sad at the same time. You’re not sure whether it’s tears of joy or sadness leaking out of your eyes right now, but it doesn’t matter. You’re going home with some of the people you love.

“Let’s get going, then!” Sokka links arms with you and Katara as Aang links Katara’s other arm with his. Together, the four of you walk down to Appa and get ready to leave. 

You take one last sad look over your shoulder to the Fire Nation palace and think about Zuko. You know this is the right decision, but you can’t help but feel a sad twang in your heart for leaving the one you truly love.

It’s for the best, though, and you know that. That’s the reason you muster up the courage to turn back around and climb into Appa’s saddle as Aang yells an enthusiastic “yip, yip!” and you’re headed off into the sky.

The palace descends into a small speck as you get further and further away from it on Appa, and you can’t help but shed one more tear for Zuko.

It’s for the best.

#avatar #avatar the last airbender #A:TLA #a:tla fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #zuko #zuko x reader #zuko avatar #waterbender!reader #zuko x waterbender!reader #x reader #(y/n) #x (y/n) #reader insert #x you #zuko x y/n #y/n #x y/n #zuko x (y/n) #zuko x you #sokka #aang #avatar: the last airbender #katara #toph

[fanficshiddles]

Caught in his web, Chapter 6

Chloe barely slept that night, she was sore and scared. She’d spent part of it in the shower again, crying.

She was also sure she went a bit delusional, as in the middle of the night she could’ve sworn that Loki entered her room and sat on her bedside, speaking softly to her while stroking her hair in a soothing manner.

‘No need to be scared, pet. I will take care of you.’ Were words that kept ringing her mind, in his voice. But she had been so tired, she couldn’t be sure if that had actually happened or not. And where did he come from? As she was almost certain it hadn’t been from the door, she’d been facing it while she lay in bed but never saw it opening when he suddenly appeared next to her.

In the morning, she was still in bed trying to get some sort of sleep when there was a knock and then the door swung open. To her horror, it was Ethan. She instantly scrambled back on the bed, dragging the blanket up with her.

Ethan smiled at her and closed the door with his foot, because he was carrying a tray.

‘Loki had the maid cook this for you for breakfast. And he wants you to take this, too.’ Ethan said, motioning to a pill that was in a small shots cup next to the plate of food.

‘What is it?’ She asked, her voice sounded small and more vulnerable than yesterday, Ethan noticed.

‘It’s the morning after pill. Loki said you must take it, one way or another. So I suggest you take it yourself, or I will have to force it down you like a dog.’ He said in warning.

Chloe didn’t feel like she had the energy to fight. And she certainly didn’t want that big brute forcing a pill down her throat.

She didn’t look at Ethan as she grabbed the pill and swallowed it quickly. It wasn’t like she wanted to get pregnant anyway. But she certainly hoped that Loki wasn’t going to take her without protection regularly, surely taking the morning after pill often wasn’t a good thing? Hell, she didn’t even want him to take her with protection.

‘Eat up.’ Ethan said and left her to it, with the tray on the bed beside her.

Chloe looked at the tray and part of her wanted to throw it at Ethan. But then, it was more Loki she was angry with. And the food did look delicious. Various fruits with a few different flavours of yogurt and fresh apple juice.

So she decided to tuck in instead of wasting it.

-

‘Did she take it?’ Loki asked Ethan when he entered his room. Loki was just putting on his suit jacket and sorting his tie, the same one he had used to restrain her wrists last night.

‘She did, without any arguments.’ Ethan nodded, waiting by the door.

‘Good. Maybe she will start to see sense today.’ Loki grinned, looking at himself in the mirror.

‘Do you want me to stay here by her door and make sure she doesn’t leave?’ Ethan offered.

‘No need. She’s not a prisoner, she can leave her room and go wherever she wants in the house. Once she has earned my trust, she will be allowed to come and go as she pleases with an escort.

Hopefully by the time her College starts in a few months she will be at that stage.’ Loki put on his leather gloves then followed Ethan out.

Nelson was waiting outside for them, he opened the car door for Loki and Ethan to pile into. Samuel was already in the car, waiting for them.

‘Is he there?’ Loki asked.

‘Yep. He has no clue why you’ve called him in for a chat.’ Samuel confirmed.

‘Excellent. The element of surprise is always the best.’ Loki grinned wickedly.

When they pulled up outside Loki’s building, he felt the usual surge of pride shoot through him. This was all his, as was a lot of the big company buildings in London. But this one, was all his and everyone knew it.

They walked in and it was bustling with energy as always. Workers going about, getting ready to start work for the day. The receptionist greeted him with the usual smile and good morning, Sir and he reciprocated with a wink, making her blush.

He continued on with Ethan and Samuel into the lift, then waited patiently while they headed up to the top floor where his office was. Of course, all the lower floors were a façade for the building. A company that dealt in selling and renting houses and other buildings. Loki quite literally owned a very high percentage of the property market in the city.

When they got into Loki’s office, there was a man waiting there for him.

‘Mr Laufeyson.’ He said nervously, putting his hand out.

‘Good to see you, Mike.’ Loki smiled, shaking his hand firmly after taking off his gloves.

Mike was shaking and Loki could feel that in his hand shake. It happened quite regularly that Loki dealt with people who were scared of him. It always gave him a bit of a rush, actually.

‘You… wanted to see me, Sir?’ Mike said as Loki went around to his side of the desk and took off his jacket, draping it over the back of his chair.

‘I did indeed. I wanted to ask why your company is behind on paying its bills?’ Loki asked firmly, sitting down on his leather chair.

Mike looked slightly shocked. ‘I… well, we haven’t been doing as well this year. Money has been a bit tight.’

‘And that is your problem. You are due money for rent, you’re in a contract that stipulates you pay monthly.’

‘I… I thought it was Mr Walsh’s company that rented out the company to me.’ Mike said, he looked over his shoulder and swallowed hard when he noticed that Ethan and Samuel were standing by the door, guarding it.

‘It is. But do you know who has recently bought his company and is now chasing up late payments?’ Loki raised an eyebrow at Mike. Whose face had dropped completely.

‘Yo… Yo… You?’

‘Correct. Now, are you able to pay me my fifteen grand by the end of today?’ Loki tapped his fingers on the desk.

‘Fifteen grand? It’s only ten grand I’m due!’ Mike said in a panic.

‘You’ve been overdue for a long time. And it will keep going up until you either pay me, or I lose my patience with you.’ Loki said calmly, staring him down.

‘There’s no way I will be able to pay that much.’

‘Is that so?’ Loki folded his arms over his chest. ‘Well, you either pay me what I am due or I will need to take something else from you.’

‘I don’t have anything else…’

‘Oh you do.’ Loki stood up and walked around his desk towards him. ‘You own Langfield college.’

Mike’s eyes widened in horror. ‘No. It… it isn’t for sale.’ He tried to sound brave, but it wasn’t working.

‘Well, if you don’t give it to me, then I will have no other option but to take it by force. And believe me, I will get what I want.’ He snarled.

Mike had bought Langfield college over ten years ago. But Loki had his eye on it for a while, for… certain reasons… and now the perfect opportunity had arisen to gain said college.

‘But… what would you want with a college? It’s not like you can earn much money from it. It’s just where people go to learn.’ Mike didn’t understand what someone like Loki would want it for.

‘I know what a college is, Mike.’ He hissed. ‘I have my reasons for wanting it. So are you going to give it to me? And all your debt will be wiped away, just like that. And, because I am a reasonable man, you can have free rent with your company for the next ten years. So as you say, you don’t earn much money from the college so why not concentrate on your company instead? I’d say that’s fair, no?’ Loki leaned back on his desk, awaiting his answer.

Mike sighed and looked down, realising he had no other option. ‘Alright. I’ll give you Langfield college. But I beg you, please don’t take away the fundings for the college.’ Mike thought Loki wanted it just to steal from the students and take all their funding.

Loki raised an eyebrow at him. ‘Oh I won’t. On the contrary, I intend to put more money into the college. The amount you’ve been putting in of late is abysmal.’

‘It’s not easy trying to pay the teachers a good sum, for all the work they do. Then there’s materials and not to mention grounds work and the living accommodations.’ Mike said in defence, but Loki didn’t believe him. He had seen the figures, he knew that Mike or someone else was fiddling with them. He was going to find out who it was, and he would make sure whoever it was, was properly seen to.

It was no secret that the college had been struggling the last few years, meaning that parents and students themselves were having to pay more for their loans. Loan repayments were way higher than they used to be, a way for the college to get more money in. But it was working because it was a really good college.

‘Well, I will soon find out just how difficult it is to own one.’ Loki said smugly, shutting him up. ‘I will have my solicitor draw up a contract, I will be in touch when it’s ready for you to come and sign over.’

Loki put his hand out towards him again and Mike hesitated before shaking hands. Sealing the deal.

-

Chloe had spent the morning moping around in the bedroom. She didn’t even try the door to see if it was unlocked, she wasn’t sure what she was going to do.

She spent some time sitting by the window, looking outside. To her surprise, it didn’t look like she had expected. He lived down a dead-end street that had a mini roundabout, with other fancy but normal houses around. Her window looked out to the house next door, there was a bit of gravel and a garage on the side of Loki’s house, then a huge fence and the next house.

She’d watched two kids playing football in their front garden for a while. Then she saw a girl about her age heading out on her own. It made her wonder if she would ever feel that kind of freedom again or not. Heck, Chloe didn’t even think she would be allowed out of this room alone.

Then her mind wandered to college, that she was supposed to start in just over two months’ time... Langfield college. When she’d went to visit, it was perfect. She had planned to live on site, her parents had been able to pay for most of it then she was going to take out a loan. But now, she had no idea what was going to happen.

She could see part of the road out her window and recognised the fancy ass car coming down the road to the house, she knew that was Loki and his goons returning…

#Loki #Tom Hiddleston #fan fiction #au!Loki #caught in his web

[phantoms-lair]

MSA Secret Santa

@accidental-child

Arthur sighed, leaning against the steering wheel of the van. The bus was a little late, but that wasn’t unexpected. Not out here at any rate.

There was a small selfish part of himself that wished he hadn’t picked up the phone that day. It was selfish - and ridiculous. The call had been at the garage, he needed to answer those calls!

It had been some great Aunt, or far removed cousin. He wasn’t quite sure how they were related. Apparently her son was originally going to spend summer break with one of his friends, but their trip had been cut short. The problem was said parents and their daughter had already made other arrangements and wanted to know if the aforementioned son could stay with Lance.

The problem was, Lance wasn’t there and wouldn’t be for a while. He was off on a road trip with some of his old buddies from his days when he absolutely positively was not a wrestler. It was a well overdue vacation and Arthur wasn’t going to call him back from it.

But something stopped him from just turning her down. It wasn’t her, but… it was the idea that their current plans ‘couldn’t be altered’. Lance had planned his trip to originally be last year, but he’d dropped everything after Arthur had turned up in a hospital without an arm. Also that they were reaching out to family that wasn’t that close at all made Arthur wonder if the closer relatives had also had plans that couldn’t be altered. It stank too much of no one wanting this kid, and damned if he was going to add to that

So here he was, waiting for a cousin he’d never met who’d be spending a month with him. He didn’t think it would matter so much if he wasn’t the age he was - 18. Younger would have been easier to slip into a child-guardian relationship and older meant this wouldn’t have been an issue in the first place. But 18 was an age of feeling you were coming into your own authority, and much more likely to take onus with someone a mere five years older than you being in charge.

The bus pulled up and Arthur braced himself. Two figures got off the bus, his cousin and...a dog? A rather large dog at that. Something else Aunt Wendy had forgot to mention. Hopefully it was good with other dogs and hamsters.

Pushing his misgivings aside, Arthur left the van with a big welcoming smile. No need to borrow trouble till it was here. “Hi, you must be Norville, right?”

The teen winced. “Like, call me Shaggy please. I hate Norville.” 

“Done and done.” Arthur agreed readily. “The name Norville is thus dead and shall never be spoken from mine lips again.”

“Ri’m Scooby Doo.”

Another talking dog, huh. “Just to make certain, you’re not actually an ancient kitsune with an evil Japanese tree after you?”

“Like, not that we know of?” Shaggy looked confused. So did Scooby so Arthur let it slide. 

“Okay, let’s get some food, and we can figure out stuff out.” Apparently he said the right word, because his cousin and dog perked up a lot. “Let me help you with your bags.” “Is your arm metal?” Shaggy asked, surprised.

“Sure is, made it myself.” Arthur wiggled his fingers at him, inwardly bracing himself. “That’s cool.” Shaggy said earnestly, picking up his other suitcase.

No ‘How did that happen?’ or ‘That must be so terrible’? Okay, thus far Arthur was counting this as a win.

~

“So,” Arthur started as they slid into a booth at Pepper Paradiso, “Let’s go over your options.”

“Options?” Shaggy asked, surprised.

“Yeah, you have two main options, and we can tweak them as need be. The first is what I told your Mom. You come to stay with me and my boyfriend and girlfriend. We’ve set up a spare room for you, and Scooby I guess, sorry no one told us he was coming.” “If you’d prefer not to deal with three people being kinda mushy, or just want more privacy  I’d give you a key to Lance’s place. You could stay in my old room and basically have the house to yourself. I’d still be checking in everyday and making sure you had food and stuff, but other than that, you’d be on your own.” 

Shaggy seemed to think a moment. “You have a boyfriend and a girlfriend? You can do that?” “Yes.” Arthur answered simply.

“Okay, like if it’s all the same, man, I’d rather stay with you. I don’t think me or Scoob want to be alone.”

Arthur tried not to take it as a warning sign. True, most teens would jump at the first chance to be on their own, but that was hardly universal. There was a small feeling that something was wrong, not just parental negligence. What, he didn’t know. And truthfully it could be nothing. Arthur had a tendency to jump to worst case scenarios (catastrophizing, his therapist had called it), so for now he’d wait and see.

“So is this the mysterious cousin?” Mrs Chef Pepper came over, winking .

“Yeah, this is Shaggy. Shaggy, this is one half of the best cooking team in Tempo, and honestly Texas.”

“Flatterer. My name’s Carmella Pepper. My husband’s running the kitchen, so I have the front end today. I assume the usual, Arthur?” “With no Cayenne additions, please.”

“She’s banned from the kitchen after the last hot sauce-strawberry shake.” Carmella assured him. “What about you, Shaggy?”

Shaggy looked at the menu. “Like, could Scoob and I each get a ‘Vivi Special’ “ he pointed to the menu.

She raised an eyebrow. With the exception of its namesake, the Vivi Special was usually ordered to be shared by a family. She’d never seen an order of two of them. “Do you want the plate of spicy chorizo or pancake poppers?” Scooby and Shaggy looked at each other. “One of each please. And, like separate checks? Mom set up an account for me for food and stuff.” Arthur tried to hide his relief. One extra mouth he could feed. Two more Vivi appetites would have strained his budget beyond feasibility.

~ “Lewis, Vivi— we’re home!” Arthur called, letting himself and his two guests in.

“Welcome home, Arty.” Lewis greeted, pulling his boyfriend in for a kiss. “So this must be Nor-”

“The name is not to be spoken. It has been cast into the abyss and replaced with Shaggy.” Arthur said with a completely straight face. “It has become one with the void.” Lewis rolled his eyes. “Sorry for the melodramatic one, I’m Lewis. Lewis Pepper.”

Shaggy shook his hand while Arthur sputtered over Lewis calling him melodramatic. “Pepper, like the people who run the restaurant?” “My parents.” Lewis explained.

“Wow, like they’re great cooks, man. It’s the first place me and Scooby found that we could be full off one thing on the menu.” “If you can call the ‘Vivi Special’ one thing.” Arthur quipped.

“Someone call me?” Vivi slid into the front room, literally, her socks holding no traction on the hardwood floor, causing her to crash into Lewis. “Arthur’s cousin Shaggy is a fan of your addition to my parents menu.” Lewis said.

“Ooooo Did you get the version with the spicy chorizo or pancake poppers?”

“Like, Scoob and I got one of each. I really liked Aztec Chocolate sauce on the sweet chili!”

“I know! And the smoked gouda filled jalapeño poppers!” 

“Arthur, I think our girlfriend just adopted your cousin.” Lewis commented.

~

Vivi stretched as she got home from her morning shift at the Tome Tomb. Arthur was having a full day at Kingsmen’s, so she figured she’d check in on Shaggy and Scooby before getting in some serious cuddle time with Lewis.

She found them in the living room, Shaggy was looking at a book. Not reading it, but staring at the cover, while Scooby leaned against him comfortingly. “Everything okay boys?” She asked softly.

Shaggy took a moment to answer. “Do you believe in this stuff? Magic and monsters?” “As a matter of fact I do.” She tried to keep the humor out of her voice. Shaggy had no idea he was spending the remainder of his summer with a ghost and a kitsune. “Do you?”

Shaggy didn’t answer. “Doesn’t it scare you?” he asked.

“The supernatural? Not really. Or at least, not more than anything else.” She sat down next to him. “There’s good and bad magic, just like there’s good and bad technology. Some beings are friendly, some just want to be left alone, and some are truly evil, just like people. You always, always, have to be careful. But I’d rather know, you know?” Shaggy shook his head. “Like, I think I’d rather not.” He looked at the book again. “Like, have you ever heard of something called the Chest of Demons?”

“Not off the top of my head, why?”

Shaggy shook his head. “Nothing, like what’s for lunch?” Vivi accepted the topic change, but didn’t forget what she’d heard. This merited some digging into.

~

Arthur felt dead on his feet (though not quite as much as Lewis, ha!) as he got home that evening.  Working in the garage was one thing, but running it was quite another. He couldn’t wait for Lance to get back.

It was Vivi who greeted him at the door, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing him. Arthur melted into the embrace, the warmth he felt in his heart giving him back the strength spent on budget balancing and unruly customers.

But as he felt himself relax, he realized she wasn’t easing up. Something was wrong. “What is it, Vi?”

“Your cousin.” She answered, her head still buried in the crook of Arthur’s neck. “He was looking at my books and mentioned something called the Chest of Demons. I hadn’t heard of it, so I sent out some feelers.”

“Bad?” Arthur guessed, as if the name didn’t give that away.

“Not just the chest itself. I still don’t know what it is, because one of the few things I did manage to learn is it’s protected by near total secrecy. It’s not something he could have just randomly heard of.”

Arthur’s mouth set into a grim frown. He could think of a few reasons, but none of them were good.

“And this isn’t some random client messing with something he shouldn’t, he’s your cousin and I like him, but this is serious.”

“I’ll talk to him.” Arthur promised. 

“No!” Vivi squeezed him tighter. “I don’t want to think he’s up to anything bad, but-” Honestly with how Shaggy had reacted to ‘Magic and Monsters’ she doubted it, but she couldn’t be sure and she wasn’t willing to put any of her boys in the path of danger.

Arthur laid a gentle kiss on her forehead. “You can have one of the Beats watching over us if it makes you feel better, but we can’t leave this alone and he’s nervous enough I don’t want him to feel like we’re ganging up on him.”

“That still puts you at risk,” Vivi argued.

“There’s always a risk, love. And you can’t take all of them for me. And I think this is a small one. Have you talked to Lewis yet?”

“Talked to be about what?” Lewis popped his head in. “You guys were taking a while. Is everything okay?”

“Shaggy may or may not have gotten mixed up in something supernatural and I want to talk to him about it. I want to do it alone so I don’t overwhelm him, but Vivi doesn’t want me to go talk about an evil artifact with the person who brought it up by myself. I volunteered to take a Beat with me.” “Take Mystery too.” Lewis suggested. “Shaggy likes him, so he wouldn’t feel ganged up on.”

Vivi let out a sigh of relief. “I love your Deadbeats, Lew, but I feel a lot better about that plan.”

~

“Hey Shaggy,” Arthur sat down. Mystery curled up by his feet, looking innocuous, but keeping a careful eye on Shaggy and Scooby.

“Hey,” Shaggy didn’t look up from the video game he was playing. “Like, how was work?”

“Not too bad. Can we talk about something?”

“Sure, man.” Shaggy paused the game. “What’s up?”

So many questions ran through Arthur’s head. Why do you know about the Chest of Demon? How did you find out about it? How much do you know? But there was one question he felt the need to ask above all the others.

“Are you in any danger?”

Shaggy blinked, caught completely off guard. “Huh?”

“You brought up something called the Chest of Demons to Vivi today. She did some digging. It was bad.” Arthur kept it vague to hide how much he didn’t know. “It’s also not a name you’d just stumble on. So, are you in any danger?” Shaggy deflated. “Like, not right now. Probably later. Thirteen seems to be keeping a low profile, but given the other twelve? At least Boggle and Weird are sealed up.”

Okay, Arthur didn’t understand any of that after ‘Probably later’. “Can you start at the beginning?”

“Okay, so like originally the five us were supposed to spend the summer on a global road trip, but Fred and Velma ended up going to camp, so like it was just me, Scooby, and Daphne. And we kinda sorta got lost. We ended up in the place where the chest was hidden. There were these two ghosts, Boggle and Weird. They wanted the thirteen evil spirits in the chest free, but it can only be opened by the living. So they tricked me and Scoob into opening it.and setting their masters free.”

Shaggy then rolled his eyes. “And of course only the ones who open the chest can return them, so like, suddenly we’re chasing down the nastiest ghoulies this side of the River Styx. We got the first twelve and got Boggle and Weird sucked in for good measure but with no sign of number thirteen Vincent cut us loose till he finds him.”

“Vincent?” Arthur inquired.

“A mystic who knows a lot about the Chest of Demon and it’s prisoners. He’s been helping us.” Shaggy shrugged. “Daphne suggested continuing our vacation while we’re on break, but I just kinda wanted to go home.” “Did you tell your family any of this?” Arthur wondered.

His cousin snorted. “Besides you? Like no one would believe me! And Daphne….” Shaggy trailed off.

“And Daphne?” Arthur prompted.

“It sounds weird to say, but this seemed to be, like, good for her? Before she kinda followed whatever Fred said. This summer though, she was taking charge and becoming more confident in herself. And like, I’m happy for her, but it means-” Shaggy seemed to struggle for his words, Scooby putting a reassuring head on his knee. “I’m a coward. I’d rather run from scary things than fight them. And I know I have to get them back in the box, cause it’s my fault they’re out-”

“Rour fault,” Scooby corrected.

“-but I’m scared all the time and I don’t want to be and no one but Scoob seems to get that.”

“Of course you’re scared,” Arthur scoffed. “You’ve had thirteen evil spirits after you. That’s objectively terrifying. You’d be crazy not to be scared.”

Boy and dog seemed taken aback.

While he couldn’t say he had been expecting those details, at least this lined up with what Arthur suspected, that Shaggy had stumbled into trouble, not sought it out.

“Okay, so first things first, what do you know about Spirit #13? What kind of spirit is it?” Arthur’s voice was all business.

“Not yet, Vincent usually tells us about them as he finds them.” Shaggy explained.

“If you can contact him, see if you can find out what we’re dealing with. It’ll be more effective if we can narrow that down.”

“What will be?” Shaggy asked, confused.

“Protective wards. That reminds me. Lewis, Vivi, Shaggy has a potential evil spirit after him. Brainstorming time.” “Huh?”

Lewis and Vivi showed up a bit too quickly to not have been listening in, but Arthur hoped Shaggy wouldn’t notice.

“There’s already some basic wards against hostile entities on the house, Pepper Paradiso, Lance’s, Kingsmen’s, and the Tome Tomb.” Vivi listed.

“I’ve got a few things around town warning me of anything of any level of power entering.” Mystery put forth. “It’s only weak spot is the lake.”

“Which has a protector of its own.” Arthur had a wry grin. “Nothing coming in from that side.”

Shaggy and Scooby shared a confused look. “You guys had this already set up?”

“You get surprised by a Jubokko once, you take precautions.” Vivi said dryly. “But this is all general stuff. The more specifics we know, the better defenses we can make. We can also figure out what places near your home we need to ward, or come up with something portable.”

Shaggy just looked between the four of them, confused. “Why?”

Lewis took a deep breath ( or at least mimed doing so). “Shaggy, you’re Arthur’s cousin, do you know what that means?”

Shaggy shook his head.

“It means you’re family,  you’re our family. And we protect family however we can.” Lewis stated. “And we know monsters exist. We’ll be ready.”

Shaggy seemed at a loss for words. His mouth opened and closed a few times. “Thank you,” he finally whispered, his voice raw with emotion.

Arthur pulled him into a hug. “That’s what family does.”

#Accidental-Child #MSA #Scooby Doo #MSAHolidaySpirits2019

[sherriswheel]

Library Book

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x female reader

Warnings: none

Prompt: ❝One person has been on the waiting list to check out a library book for months. The other person has the long-overdue book. The two coincidentally meet one day at the library.❞

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: first ever seb fic!

There was no doubt that she was getting impatient. The book she desperately needed for her thesis was long-overdue by the last borrower and it didn’t help that her library only had one single copy of the text. It’s been weeks since it was supposed to be in her hands and yet it was still in the possession of someone else. Although she had contacted the library multiple times regarding this, she was informed time and time again that there was nothing that could be done since the library could only send out notices to the person who still had the book in their hands.

Pissed and upset about the situation, she decided to visit the library once more, hoping that some miracle would happen that would make the book magically appear on the shelves once more (even though she knew full well that the staff would have sent her a message if the book was returned).

Upon entering the quiet and serene building, where occupants naturally obeyed the rule of creating minimal noises, she felt a sense of calmness wash over her. She had always been a fan of the library since she was a little girl and the habit of visiting the place whenever she could had stuck with her all these years. Although she had initially felt rather annoyed at the fact that she was still without her much-needed book, the environment of the library had her in a much better mood.

She headed straight to the front desk, wanting to ask for the whereabouts of the book even though she knew she was getting on the nerves of the staff members. There, she spotted a man who donned a simple outfit consisting of a black tee and a pair of blue jeans. He was conversing with the receptionist and although she couldn’t hear what they were saying, she could tell he looked somewhat apologetic with the way he kept dipping his head while he spoke.

Her approach to the desk was slow and quiet, not wanting to arrive before the man’s conversation ended and hence having to stand awkwardly and wait for her turn. But, much to her dismay, the man’s stay was longer than expected. However, upon reaching the desk, her eyes spotted the book that was on the desk, and it was the very book she had been waiting for all these weeks. Without a second thought, she rushed over, her palms slamming on the wooden surface of the desk with more force than she had planned, causing a loud sound that seemed to have echoed throughout the quiet library. She could feel eyes on her with the noise she made, but she was far too focused on the book to care.

“Finally!” she gasped quietly, her eyes remaining locked on the book. Relief flowed through her body knowing that she would be able to finish her thesis in time, though she had planned to complete it weeks ago so she could spend the last few weeks of the semester free of worries. Before she knew it, she was standing next to the poor man who she had surprised so abruptly with her reaction to the sight of the book, yet she wasn’t acknowledging his presence at all. Instead, she looked at the staff who had a mixture of shock and annoyance in her expression. “I can take that with me, right?” she asked the slightly older woman behind the desk, her finger pointing at the book on top of the pile.

“Yes, I was just about to send you a text,” the librarian replied with a tight smile, obviously not pleased with the situation. “Give me a moment so I can log the return of the book before I issue it out to you,” the woman said professionally with a push to her specs.

“Thank you so much,” she replied, letting out an audible sigh as she slouched slightly against the wooden desk. “You have no idea how desperate I was for this book - it’s literally the last thing I needed to complete my thesis.” She let out another sigh of relief, only to see an awkward expression on the librarian’s face. She frowned slightly and watched as the other woman’s eyes darted to something next to her, and it was only then that she realised that the man who had been there before her was still standing there. She looked over, slightly embarrassed of her behaviour, but it was the face of the man who had her almost choking on her own breath. “Oh my god, you’re-”

“I’m so sorry about the book,” the man spoke before she could finish her sentence - he had a pretty good idea what she was going to say anyway - and gave her an apologetic smile as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I was away and completely forgot about the books I needed to return…”

For the moment, her mind had forgotten about the book that was being processed by the librarian as she stared into the steel blue eyes of the man standing in front of her. As much as she spent her time with books and texts, she wasn’t so unaware of the outer world to not know who was standing before her. And, instantly, she felt like an idiot making such a big fuss about the book that was left forgotten unintentionally.

“I, er, I’m sorry for that,” she said awkwardly, unable to find words that were more fitting to the situation. She could almost feel the stare of the librarian at the back of her head and she refused to turn around to intensify the humiliation that was bubbling inside her. “I mean, I, er, yeah… uhm, thanks for returning the book?”

It was probably the stupidest thing she could say and just as she was about to kick herself (mentally) for her words, a quiet chuckle came from the man. He didn’t look offended by her actions, and instead he looked like he was rather amused by how things had turned out.

“It’s really my fault for delaying your thesis,” he said, letting out another chuckle as he ran a hand through his thick, chestnut-coloured hair. “I hope it’s not going to be too late for you now.”

Her mouth opened and closed, unable to find the right words to say. Thankfully, the voice of the librarian saved her from further embarrassing herself in front of the man. “Your book is ready,” the elder woman had said, placing the said book on the desk and pushing it towards the desperate student. “Good luck with your thesis,” the woman added with a hint of a smirk on her lips.

Hurriedly, the girl reached for the book and held it close to her, wrapping her arms around it as if she was protecting it with all her might, which was partially true because she really needed this if she wanted to graduate with the grades she wanted. She muttered a quiet word of thanks to the librarian before turning back to the man. She was still struggling to find things to say to him and yet the look in his eyes told her that he was nowhere near annoyed with her. With a tilt of his head, he had indicated to her that they should make their way out of the library so that maybe, just maybe, they could carry on their awkward conversation freely without having to mind their volume.

Blindly, she followed him out of the building. The moment she was greeted by the soft breeze of the day, she sucked in a deep breath, hoping it would somehow help her formulate a proper sentence to say.

“I am so sorry for how I acted in there,” she managed to say. Despite her embarrassment, she looked straight into the man’s eyes, finding herself drawn to the soft blue that held so much emotion within them. “I didn’t mean to be so rude… I guess I was getting a little fed up waiting for this book…”

“No, no, like I said, it’s completely my fault for not getting it back in time,” the man said honestly with a shake of his head. “I really hope it’s not too much trouble for you though,” he continued. “My stupidity is to blame for this. I am so, so sorry.”

Flustered with the words of the man, the girl bit her inner cheeks and let out a noise that was supposed to be a hum but ended up sounding like a groan. Her eyes widened at the noise she made and quickly released her inner cheeks. “It’s really no problem… I mean, I am a little behind schedule, but I’ll be able to get my thesis done before the deadline. You know, I was planning on getting it finished ahead of time but it’s okay, I still have a couple of weeks before the deadline.” As she rambled on, hoping to ease the guilty feeling from the man, she only noticed that she was making him feel worse with her words. She could see purse of his lips and tiny frown on his brows and decided it was time she shut up to save them both from the embarrassment.

“I, uhm, have no idea what to say but sorry,” he said before letting out a nervous laugh as his hand returned to the back of his neck. “I’d love to offer some help but I don’t think I’ll be useful… writing theses isn’t really my forte…”

“Oh my god, please don’t say that-” she gasped. “It’s okay, it’s completely fine! Please, please don’t blame yourself anymore, it’s really okay!”

“Is there anything I can do to make up for this?” the man pressed, unable to let go of this matter for some reason. “I’d do anything I can.”

She looked at him with wide eyes, confusion clouding her mind as well as the feeling of guilt for making him feel so bad for returning the book late. She knew there wasn’t anything he could do to help her thesis - him finally returning the book was probably the best thing he could ever do in her life - and yet she knew he wasn’t going to give up, not until he felt like he had made it up to her.

Out of nowhere, the girl suddenly spoke. “Then, how about a coffee?”

Neither of them had expected her to say that, and yet they didn’t seem to have a better solution to this situation that what she suggested. 

Letting out an amused laugh, the man nodded his head and held out his hand. “Well, if that’s what you want then that’s what you shall get,” he said, his tone somewhat lighter than before. “I’m Sebastian, by the way.”

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian stan x reader

[imagine-loki]

Caught in his web, Chapter 6

TITLE: Caught in his web CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 6 AUTHOR: fanficshiddles ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki is a crime lord, a very dangerous man in the city. He is owed money, but the man is unable to pay Loki back, so Loki takes his daughter as payment instead.  RATING: M

Chloe barely slept that night, she was sore and scared. She’d spent part of it in the shower again, crying. 

She was also sure she went a bit delusional, as in the middle of the night she could’ve sworn that Loki entered her room and sat on her bedside, speaking softly to her while stroking her hair in a soothing manner.

‘No need to be scared, pet. I will take care of you.’ Were words that kept ringing her mind, in his voice. But she had been so tired, she couldn’t be sure if that had actually happened or not. And where did he come from? As she was almost certain it hadn’t been from the door, she’d been facing it while she lay in bed but never saw it opening when he suddenly appeared next to her.

In the morning, she was still in bed trying to get some sort of sleep when there was a knock and then the door swung open. To her horror, it was Ethan. She instantly scrambled back on the bed, dragging the blanket up with her.

Ethan smiled at her and closed the door with his foot, because he was carrying a tray.

‘Loki had the maid cook this for you for breakfast. And he wants you to take this, too.’ Ethan said, motioning to a pill that was in a small shots cup next to the plate of food.

‘What is it?’ She asked, her voice sounded small and more vulnerable than yesterday, Ethan noticed.

‘It’s the morning after pill. Loki said you must take it, one way or another. So I suggest you take it yourself, or I will have to force it down you like a dog.’ He said in warning.

Chloe didn’t feel like she had the energy to fight. And she certainly didn’t want that big brute forcing a pill down her throat.

She didn’t look at Ethan as she grabbed the pill and swallowed it quickly. It wasn’t like she wanted to get pregnant anyway. But she certainly hoped that Loki wasn’t going to take her without protection regularly, surely taking the morning after pill often wasn’t a good thing? Hell, she didn’t even want him to take her with protection.

‘Eat up.’ Ethan said and left her to it, with the tray on the bed beside her.

Chloe looked at the tray and part of her wanted to throw it at Ethan. But then, it was more Loki she was angry with. And the food did look delicious. Various fruits with a few different flavours of yogurt and fresh apple juice.

So she decided to tuck in instead of wasting it.

-

‘Did she take it?’ Loki asked Ethan when he entered his room. Loki was just putting on his suit jacket and sorting his tie, the same one he had used to restrain her wrists last night.

‘She did, without any arguments.’ Ethan nodded, waiting by the door.

‘Good. Maybe she will start to see sense today.’ Loki grinned, looking at himself in the mirror.

‘Do you want me to stay here by her door and make sure she doesn’t leave?’ Ethan offered.

‘No need. She’s not a prisoner, she can leave her room and go wherever she wants in the house. Once she has earned my trust, she will be allowed to come and go as she pleases with an escort.

Hopefully by the time her College starts in a few months she will be at that stage.’ Loki put on his leather gloves then followed Ethan out.

Nelson was waiting outside for them, he opened the car door for Loki and Ethan to pile into. Samuel was already in the car, waiting for them.

‘Is he there?’ Loki asked.

‘Yep. He has no clue why you’ve called him in for a chat.’ Samuel confirmed.

‘Excellent. The element of surprise is always the best.’ Loki grinned wickedly.

When they pulled up outside Loki’s building, he felt the usual surge of pride shoot through him. This was all his, as was a lot of the big company buildings in London. But this one, was all his and everyone knew it.

They walked in and it was bustling with energy as always. Workers going about, getting ready to start work for the day. The receptionist greeted him with the usual smile and good morning, Sir and he reciprocated with a wink, making her blush.

He continued on with Ethan and Samuel into the lift, then waited patiently while they headed up to the top floor where his office was. Of course, all the lower floors were a façade for the building. A company that dealt in selling and renting houses and other buildings. Loki quite literally owned a very high percentage of the property market in the city.

When they got into Loki’s office, there was a man waiting there for him.

‘Mr Laufeyson.’ He said nervously, putting his hand out.

‘Good to see you, Mike.’ Loki smiled, shaking his hand firmly after taking off his gloves.

Mike was shaking and Loki could feel that in his hand shake. It happened quite regularly that Loki dealt with people who were scared of him. It always gave him a bit of a rush, actually.

‘You… wanted to see me, Sir?’ Mike said as Loki went around to his side of the desk and took off his jacket, draping it over the back of his chair.

‘I did indeed. I wanted to ask why your company is behind on paying its bills?’ Loki asked firmly, sitting down on his leather chair.

Mike looked slightly shocked. ‘I… well, we haven’t been doing as well this year. Money has been a bit tight.’

‘And that is your problem. You are due money for rent, you’re in a contract that stipulates you pay monthly.’

‘I… I thought it was Mr Walsh’s company that rented out the company to me.’ Mike said, he looked over his shoulder and swallowed hard when he noticed that Ethan and Samuel were standing by the door, guarding it.

‘It is. But do you know who has recently bought his company and is now chasing up late payments?’ Loki raised an eyebrow at Mike. Whose face had dropped completely.

‘Yo… Yo… You?’

‘Correct. Now, are you able to pay me my fifteen grand by the end of today?’ Loki tapped his fingers on the desk.

‘Fifteen grand? It’s only ten grand I’m due!’ Mike said in a panic.

‘You’ve been overdue for a long time. And it will keep going up until you either pay me, or I lose my patience with you.’ Loki said calmly, staring him down.

‘There’s no way I will be able to pay that much.’

‘Is that so?’ Loki folded his arms over his chest. ‘Well, you either pay me what I am due or I will need to take something else from you.’

‘I don’t have anything else…’

‘Oh you do.’ Loki stood up and walked around his desk towards him. ‘You own Langfield college.’

Mike’s eyes widened in horror. ‘No. It… it isn’t for sale.’ He tried to sound brave, but it wasn’t working.

‘Well, if you don’t give it to me, then I will have no other option but to take it by force. And believe me, I will get what I want.’ He snarled.

Mike had bought Langfield college over ten years ago. But Loki had his eye on it for a while, for… certain reasons… and now the perfect opportunity had arisen to gain said college.

‘But… what would you want with a college? It’s not like you can earn much money from it. It’s just where people go to learn.’ Mike didn’t understand what someone like Loki would want it for.

‘I know what a college is, Mike.’ He hissed. ‘I have my reasons for wanting it. So are you going to give it to me? And all your debt will be wiped away, just like that. And, because I am a reasonable man, you can have free rent with your company for the next ten years. So as you say, you don’t earn much money from the college so why not concentrate on your company instead? I’d say that’s fair, no?’ Loki leaned back on his desk, awaiting his answer.

Mike sighed and looked down, realising he had no other option. ‘Alright. I’ll give you Langfield college. But I beg you, please don’t take away the fundings for the college.’ Mike thought Loki wanted it just to steal from the students and take all their funding.

Loki raised an eyebrow at him. ‘Oh I won’t. On the contrary, I intend to put more money into the college. The amount you’ve been putting in of late is abysmal.’

‘It’s not easy trying to pay the teachers a good sum, for all the work they do. Then there’s materials and not to mention grounds work and the living accommodations.’ Mike said in defence, but Loki didn’t believe him. He had seen the figures, he knew that Mike or someone else was fiddling with them. He was going to find out who it was, and he would make sure whoever it was, was properly seen to.

It was no secret that the college had been struggling the last few years, meaning that parents and students themselves were having to pay more for their loans. Loan repayments were way higher than they used to be, a way for the college to get more money in. But it was working because it was a really good college.

‘Well, I will soon find out just how difficult it is to own one.’ Loki said smugly, shutting him up. ‘I will have my solicitor draw up a contract, I will be in touch when it’s ready for you to come and sign over.’

Loki put his hand out towards him again and Mike hesitated before shaking hands. Sealing the deal.

-

Chloe had spent the morning moping around in the bedroom. She didn’t even try the door to see if it was unlocked, she wasn’t sure what she was going to do.

She spent some time sitting by the window, looking outside. To her surprise, it didn’t look like she had expected. He lived down a dead-end street that had a mini roundabout, with other fancy but normal houses around. Her window looked out to the house next door, there was a bit of gravel and a garage on the side of Loki’s house, then a huge fence and the next house.

She’d watched two kids playing football in their front garden for a while. Then she saw a girl about her age heading out on her own. It made her wonder if she would ever feel that kind of freedom again or not. Heck, Chloe didn’t even think she would be allowed out of this room alone.

Then her mind wandered to college, that she was supposed to start in just over two months’ time… Langfield college. When she’d went to visit, it was perfect. She had planned to live on site, her parents had been able to pay for most of it then she was going to take out a loan. But now, she had no idea what was going to happen.

She could see part of the road out her window and recognised the fancy ass car coming down the road to the house, she knew that was Loki and his goons returning…

#Loki #Others #Submitted fic #submission #caught in his web #Chapter 6 #Fanfichiddles

[e1ana]

another... platform... (and also momojirou)

i have twitter now >:D i want to be able to interact more w/ other writers and yall and also share stuff i won’t post on here/ao3 as threads! my user is e1ana_ if you wanna come say hi :)

anyways below is some momojirou i put there recently because i felt weird just advertising my twitter and leaving hehe

“Momo,” Jirou says, one hand cradling her massive stomach and the other loosely holding a few umaibo. “You said you were coming to bed in a few minutes.”

Momo sighs and tucks her pen behind her ear. Work had been crazy today, which meant more reports. Nobody had told her the boring downside of being in the top ten. “Yes, love, I’ll only be a minute. I just have to finish up the paperwork.” 

“Said that twenty minutes ago.” Jirou mumbles and waddles her way back into the bedroom, the crinkling of another umaibo pack trailing behind her.

Jirou had been the one to vote for her being the one to get pregnant. Momo had just broken into the top ten, and her need for an unnaturally high BMI and rapid food consumption might affect the pregnancy. But the consequences of the journey had certainly taken its toll on both women. From rapid mood swings to extended morning sickness, it seemed like these kids really had it out for them.

Still. Neither thinks they would give it up if they could. 

Momo goes back to detailing her patrol, TV humming away in the distance. Taking on a four on one battle in a cramped alley had been exciting, no lie, but coming home to a stack of papers and a cranky wife wasn’t exactly the warm welcome that Momo would’ve liked. Stop that, she chastises herself. She’s ready to pop, and you’ve been away from home for nearly half the day. Of course, she won’t be greeting you at the doorway. The hero sighs and places her writing utensil on her desk. She can deal with this tomorrow - for now, she has a cranky partner to soothe.

She tucks the papers back into their clip and turns on the kettle. A cup of tea before bed had been routine for the past few years and it hadn’t changed with time. That was another thing - going from having one tea guzzler in the house to two had put a massive dent in Momo’s supply. Kyoka claimed that the babies like it and that it's probably good for me - all unbacked statements, but convincing nonetheless. If tea was what Kyoka wanted, it’s what she would get. Momo steeps the extra cup with care, adding the perfect amount of sugar and making sure no extra leaves are floating around.

Momo knocks on the door before pushing it gently open. Kyoka is splayed out on the bed, head propped up on a pillow to look at the TV from over her belly. She peeks over and makes room for Momo upon her entrance. One cup of tea is placed on the table next to her and the other clinks when Momo slides into bed. “I thought you finished Followers already.”

Jirou sips her tea before turning around to face her wife. “I wanted to rewatch it. You were taking so long I nearly got a quarter way through.”

Momo wraps her arms around Jirou and the pregnant woman worms her way into a more comfortable position. “Sorry, my love. You know how long papers can go on.”

Jirou snuggles closer and unwraps another umaibo and bites half of it off. She’s at the part of the show where a famous photographer meets an aspiring actress. She closes her eyes and leans her head against Momo’s chest. Her face is barely above the covers, thick blanket tickling at her bottom lip. Momo’s hand wanders to her stomach, rubbing the taut skin and warming it beneath her palm. Jirou hums and places her hand on top. 

There’s a flutter beneath her skin and Jirou hisses. Someone is deciding to be a little gymnast, it seems. Momo sighs and moves her hand, her aimless rubbing turning into a one-handed massage. “I love getting to feel them move. It’ll be any day now, I swear. How’ve they been treating you?”

“Like hell. One of them - I can’t tell who, but I think it might be Hisami - has been literally jumping on my bladder and doing flips for the past few hours. Little bugger.” She reaches up and cradles Momo’s face in her palm, opening her eyes to meet black. “I can’t believe I’m only a week overdue. It feels like a month, at least.” As if on cue, one of the babies kicks and nails Jirou so hard she swears she feels her rib crack. Momo coos and rubs the sore spot, letting her wife mumble irritated curses into her skin.

“They’ll be out soon. All that waiting, all the struggles, and we’ll get to see their pretty little faces.” She pecks Jirou on the cheek and turns her head into the pillow. She clicks off the TV and helps Jirou settle into her body-sized pillow. “I love you, Kyoka.”

“I love you too. Goodnight.”

***

It happens, ironically, in the middle of a bi-monthly class 1-A reunion. Jirou’s in the middle of a conversation with Kaminari and Mina, the pink girl yammering on about some insane romantic escapade. After graduating from UA, she may as well have been a professional serial romantic alongside being a hero. 

She’d thought that Mina had gesticulated into her cup and spilled water down her leg, but upon further notice (and further sitting in it), the liquid was coming from inside her dress. Kyoka’s breath catches in her throat at a harsh cramp and latches onto Mina’s arm.

“I hate to interrupt your story, Mina, but I think my water just broke.”

Her friend pauses, yellow eyes blinking slowly and processing information. Kaminari, the fucking idiot, takes the information through one ear and out the other. He’s off like a bullet train, wailing about “not being ready to be an uncle.”

“Man, right in the middle of my sentence!” Mina leads her over to sit down at a table. Oh shit, this is really happening. A few minutes give way to another clench in Jirou’s abdomen, solidifying the reality of the moment. She presses both hands to her stomach and breathes in deeply. Oh boy - well, girls. In a matter of hours, she’d likely be holding her children in her arms.

Another contraction hits, sharper and more insistent than the last time. “Momo,” she manages between breaths. “Where’s Momo?”

“Right here.” She slides next to Kyoka, ponytail swinging behind her. “Sorry, I was in the restroom for the big moment. Kaminari’s been very diligent in catching me up, though.” The man in question is heaving his ass off, sweat running down his brow and darkening the pits of his sleeve. He flashes Jirou a thumbs up before going back to his impressive wheezing.

Momo rubs her hand as they sit for the next half hour or so. The contractions aren’t even close to ten minutes apart, so there’s no rush in gathering the bag and designating a driver. Jirou almost wishes there was - though they are far apart, the contractions hurt pretty badly and make her gasp in discomfort. Being the only person not in some stage of panic, Todoroki offers to drive. Kaminari and Midoriya both head back to their house to get the hospital bag. All the while Jirou grips away at her wife’s hand and breathes in the direction of Mina and Shinsou.

“All right. We can go.” Todoroki whirls back around, swiftly walking back to the car with both Momo’s purse and Jirou’s handbag. 

Jirou is shaky as she stands, nails digging into both Momo and Mina’s skin. Neither makes any indication that they’re in pain other than a slight hiss that goes unnoticed. They walk to the car, Jirou wobbling half from the pain and half from her massive stomach. In all honesty, she couldn’t wait to be able to jog for more than three steps or touch her toes again. Even the short distance from the door of the building to the door of the car was practically making her work up a sweat.

She clips the seatbelt herself, shooing away the other people to have a moment of blessed silence in the completely closed car. That peace is dispelled when another wave of pain has her damn near doubling over. “Fuuuuck,” she hisses at nobody in particular. “Fuck.” She says again directed at her belly. A heel rams into her guts like one of the cheeky little ladies had heard her swear at them. “Fuck you. You two better get out fast, I'm already over this.”

Then the car doors are opening and far too many people are piling in. Todoroki takes the driver's seat, Mina the passenger, and Momo the backseat beside Jirou. Momo presses a slow kiss to her forehead and one to her stomach, rubbing her belly in an attempt at consolation. “Soon we’ll get to meet our daughters, Kyoka. You’re so strong. Going to give us two healthy little girls.”

Jirou nods and clenches her teeth tighter. A few more hours of what already felt like hell, but the payoff would be so worth it. She closes her eyes and leans her head back, open window sending hair flying into her sweaty face. She focuses on her pulse, and her breaths, and the grip of Momo’s hand in her own.

The news of the oncoming hero child is leaked fast and at the hands of a bewildered teenager driving by who happened to get a glimpse through the window. Thankfully the group manages to get to the hospital with only a little traffic trouble, meeting up with Kaminari and Midoriya to secure the bag.

Jirou’s gasps and groans escalate in volume, growing into full-on yelps of pain with every contraction as they become more frequent and intense. Momo stays with her the whole time, pushing her hair out of her face and rubbing her arm and whispering words of praise.

God. Kyoka thought she’d known pain, that the contractions were hard, but she hadn’t been mentally prepared for pushing out two entire babies. It had seriously felt like someone was ripping her snatch in half for upwards of six hours. 

But, when all is said and done, and the doctor places Hisami and Anzu on her chest it's so worth it. Jirou cries openly when their warbling cries meet her ears and their little bodies squirm to make themselves more comfortable. After a few minutes when Anzu falls asleep (it had to have been Hisami stomping on her bladder), Momo’s quiet tears join hers when she cradles and rocks the black-haired baby.

“Beautiful,” she whispers, switching Anzu into one arm to grab Jirou’s hand with the other. “Look how beautiful they are.” 

Hisami tosses and turns, trying desperately to break out of the blanket burrito she’s ensnared in. It had to have been her, stamping all over Jirou’s insides like that. She blinks open her eyes slowly, purple meeting purple as she stares at her mother. Jirou laughs and wipes her face. Yeah, pregnancy was hell. But if this is the payoff - if she gets to hold her two beautiful daughters in her arms with her wife by her side - it all was beyond worth it.

#hehe follow me if you want #or dont i guess but also please do #i still... dont know how to use twit really... #momojirou #bnha #My writing #:) enjoy

[rosesformark]

ache - bbh : [2/2]

ache

/āk/

noun

a continuous or prolonged dull pain

genre: angst

paring : baekhyun x reader

word count: 4.6k

A/N: hey guys, so part 2 of ache is looong overdue but it’s finally here! thank you all for the lovely comments on part 1, i felt so happy reading all of your thoughts and feedback seeing as it was my very first fic i posted!! i really hope part 2 will be up to your expectations hehe. i might be posting a mark lee fic soon or writing another baek one but i don’t wanna promise anything seeing as how bad i am with keeping my updates consistent LOL lmk if you guys would be interested tho!! it will probably be another angst fic because you can never have too much angst :)) btw italics are flashbacks

if you haven’t read part 1, you can read it here! enjoy:)

“Excuse me, sir! I think you’re looking for this?”

Your hands clutched the dark green booklet as the man in front of you turned in your your direction. The first thing you noticed was his black face mask that made him practically indecipherable, the second was his dyed silver hair that looked extremely soft. Through his bangs that hung in front of his eyes, your gazes locked together as his warm brown eyes widened just slightly and stared deep into your soul. Your heart skipped a beat, it was almost as if you couldn’t look away. Seconds passed as the loud whirl of the coffee machines broke you out of your trance.

Quickly blinking away and clearing your throat, you gestured towards the book in your hands, “Your passport?”

Seemingly flustered (which you thought was really cute), he shook his head a few times to recollect himself, causing his whole head of hair to follow along his motion. His hands that were frantically patting his coat pockets just minutes ago thrust forward and grabbed the passport, easily covering your fingers that gripped the book.

He let out a slight chuckle along with an eye crinkle, “Thank you so much, definitely could not have lost this today.”

His voice caused shivers to run down your spine, cheeks blushing furiously as his gaze remained locked on your face. Although half his face was covered, there was no denying that he was attractive. It also didn’t help that his hands were still covering yours as he made no indication in letting go,

“No problem, are you flying out today?”

His sheepish grin already gave you an answer as his other hand awkwardly reached up to ruffle his hair. The jazz music in the background along with the light hitting his face created an angelic atmosphere around you two.

His eyes roamed around the little coffee shop, Potted. “Welcome!” signs were placed everywhere along with green and purple flowers pots lining the window sill, as well as growing across the walls. He spotted an empty table for two and quickly plucked a purple flower off the wall and turned towards you, giving you a boyish grin as he placed the flower behind your year. Your heart fluttered at his flirtatious actions.

“I have a few hours before my flight. My name is Baekhyun, can I buy you a drink?”

⋯

“Noona, please open the door. We know you haven’t eaten all day. Please.”

Donghyuck’s worried voice resonated through the door and into the dark, quiet room. Followed by three consecutive knocks and a sigh, his footsteps shuffled away from your door. They slowly fainted away but was followed by quick murmurs and hushes.

You didn’t pay any mind to it as you curled up underneath your covers, mind blank and body consumed with the feeling of numbness. It’s been three weeks since the night at the bar, three weeks of radio silence as Baekhyun has not bothered to call or text you since then.

In hindsight, you should’ve seen this coming. If he could ignore you for three months, what’s stopping him from cutting you off altogether? Deep down though, you couldn’t deny the feeling of disappointment and hurt bubbling up, you thought that he was at least decent enough to apologize or properly break up with you. You shuffled a bit in your sheets, ignoring the murmuring outside the door that keeps getting louder.

The phone beside you lit up and you instinctively flitted your eyes towards it, meeting nothing besides a few Instagram notifications. Your lockscreen behind it shined glaringly in the dark at you, a generic couple picture of you and Baekhyun hugging each other in the mirror, his lips pressed lightly against your temple while your phone obnoxiously covered half your face. It was annoyingly affectionate that you didn’t have it in you to change your lock screen after all these months.

It’s odd how the heart still wants what hurts them the most.

You heart continued aching as you kept staring at the picture. Feelings of hurt overshadowed by sudden anger made you flip the phone upside down and curl your face further into your pillow.

All you could wonder was why?

Why did he have to say such hurtful things?

Why did he break your trust?

Why were you still hoping for that one phone call even though he’s already shown that he doesn’t and will never care for you?

Another round of tears started stinging your eyes again. Why, why, why? That word kept popping up with endless possibilities after it. You two were so happy, so in love. How did things end up this way?

You laid on your side and pulled the covers up to your chin, staring outside the window. The room was bathed in the cold evening light, the in between of sunlight and darkness. Your thoughts matched the clouds outside, constantly and silently moving but never getting anywhere. You quickly began to dislike the peacefulness as it rivaled against what was going on inside your mind.

A sudden knock at the door interrupted the unsettling calm. Your head turned just slightly towards the noise as the person outside began vigorously jiggling the doorknob. Your eyebrows furrowed as it started shaking more violently, your body slowly moving up from your spot.

What are they do–

The door being thrown up made your body jump up from the bed, the force of it knocking into the wall behind with a big thud. Your mind was reeling at the fact that whoever was outside just easily picked your door lock.

“What have you been doing for the past three weeks?”

Jaehyun’s voice registered in your mind before you were able to decipher his face. You winced as your eyes were met with a stoic and somewhat angry expression. You see Donghyuck behind him making a face at such an intrusive greeting but dismissed it as his eyes fell on you, cured up in a defensive position. Your heart ached at seeing such a worried expression on his face, it looked foreign on such a usually carefree ray of sunshine.

Your heart keeps aching at everything and it's come to the point where you’re tired of it feeling this way.

Jaehyun’s voice once again grabbed you out of your thoughts as he swiftly moved to your bedside and started peeling the covers away.

You gasped quietly as the cool air met your bare legs, making a face and moving to yank the covers back.

His mouth gaped at your actions and his whole being became rigid as he snatched the covers away. “No. No. You have been staying in this room for far too long not talking or even eating. If you’re not ready to talk to us, that’s completely fine, we can wait. But if you don’t start taking care of your body then we will literally drag you out of this flat every single day until you do.”

Jaehyun has always been overprotective of you. Your platonic affection towards each other has grown from ever since you were kids and remained till this day. Being best friends far before his debut, he was the reason why you knew most of the idols you did now.

Including Baekhyun.

Jaehyun’s tone left no room for argument. His eyes stayed on you as he waited for you to make your decision, either get out of this bed yourself or be dragged like a mop.

You muffled out a small “fine” before slowly getting up from your indented spot in the bed. Jaehyun stepped back a bit to let you have your space as you padded across the room and walked up to your bedroom’s door knob.

You snapped your head towards the clear culprit, not missing the way he held back his grin at your disbelief towards the lock. “How did you even get into my room?”

“How else did we get into your flat?”

“Noona! No need to worry about the details, let's just hurry and get some food first!” Donghyuck’s hands hastily placed themselves on your shoulders and steered you out the door, pushing your sluggish self into the kitchen. As he let you go to check what’s in the fridge, your hands grabbed at the first hoodie you saw hanging off a kitchen chair. Clearly, having stayed in bed these past few weeks have made the cold air of your flat become sensitive to your skin.Your fists barely pass the sleeves as the hoodie sagged downwards, enveloping you in warmth and with a scent that was distinctively Jae.

Donghyuck turned towards you while he closed the fridge door and gave you a pointed look. “You have basically nothing in your fridge.”

“Oh well, guess we have nothing to eat. You guys can go along your way now, I’ll make sure to order takeout for–”

A pair of jeans thrown into your face cut you off as the rough denim plopped against it. You quickly clutched the fabric and turned around to glare at Jae.

“Why are you being so excessively mean tod–”

“Go get dressed, we’re taking you out.”

⋯

Donghyuck’s arm was swung around your shoulders as you 3 walked down the dimly lit street. Snuggling further into the hoodie and underneath Donghyuck’s arm, your eyes nervously darted around the various shops.

You felt uncomfortable to say the least, Seoul was only so big that there was a possibility that you would actually run into him. Your stomach churned at the thought of seeing him, your gut telling you that something bad was coming and your fight or flight instincts kicked in.

“Guys, I don’t know about this. Can’t we just order in some noodles and call it a day?”

Jaehyun shook his head and peered down at you, “Some fresh air would do you some good. Besides, there’s this cute coffee shop we wanna bring you to.”

You continued following Jae as Donghyuck talks about what’s going on with the Dreamies lately. Only half listening, your hungry eyes roamed around the possible food places you could go. Okay, maybe you were a little hungry.

“I see it!” Jae excitedly grabs your hand as you looked ahead at the shop tucked in between an alleyway and a bagel shop. Your eyes widened at the familiar green and purple flowers lining the brick walls, a golden plaque with Potted written across the top. You immediately stopped in your tracks causing Donghyuck to look back at you curiously. Jaehyun also noticed the commotion behind him and glanced down at your pale face. Your fingers start fiddling with the cuffs of Jae’s sweater as they waited for you to say something.

“Can’t we go somewhere else? I’m not really feeling coffee at 6.” Your voice slightly wavered at the end and you inwardly cursed at yourself for being so weak. It’s only a coffee shop for goodness sake, and a cute one at that. Why should your relationship with Baekhyun stop you from getting your intake of overly sweet lattes?

Still, your feet remained rooted to the ground, your heart hurting at the mere sight of the welcome sign. Jae’s and Donghyuck’s questioning eyes turned towards each other then back to focus on you. Donghyuck was the one who moved first, gently grabbing your hand and leading you to cross the street.

“I’m craving some noodles, Jae, let’s go eat some r–”

The sound of a bell ringing loudly made 3 heads turn towards the swinging doors of Potted. Out came a man, adorned with ripped jeans and a plain black shirt, your heart stuttered at the sight of his arm loosely wrapped around the waist of a petite woman. Even with a face mask, you could could recognize without a doubt that it was him.

How could you not? After dating for so long, loving him for so long, recognizing him was hardly a struggle for you.

The couple didn’t see you and continued walking down the street, opposite the direction you were facing. You didn’t miss the way the woman looked up at him, with love and adoration. The way you used to look at him, the way you still looked at him. Your heart shattered with each step they took and your whole being felt like it was being swallowed up whole. Your shaky eyes trailed the way he tightened his arm around her waist and pressed a soft kiss to her temple, making her snuggle against his side more.

You felt like you couldn’t breathe, even when Jae snapped his head towards you, you couldn’t bring yourself to face his hard, yet questioning eyes. The puzzle started piecing itself together in the two male’s eyes as they began staring holes against Baekhyun’s back.

Almost as if he knew, Baekhyun at that second turned around and his eyes landed on you. His steps immediately faltered along with his arm dropping and eyes widening. He was completely turned to you then as you continued staring at him, eyes constantly flickering between the couple before you.

The woman looked confused and reached for his hand to tug him along, not noticing the tension brewing between the four people behind her. He stayed rooted in his spot, eyes never wavering from yours. That’s when she finally noticed you, eyebrows furrowing and thin lips pouting, she stared at you curiously and proceeded to wrap her arm around Baekhyun protectively.

So this was what he was doing for three weeks? While you have been moping, crying, being an absolute wreck these past few weeks, he was parading around with a new girl?

How dare she hold him protectively? How dare he let her hold him like that, right in front of you? He didn’t even try to shake her off and continued staring at you like the idiot he was.

Baekhyun began walking towards you with small, hesitant steps. He was blinking rapidly and if you looked close enough his eyes were brimming red.

But you didn’t want to look close enough, you didn’t want to remain eye contact with him. If you kept staring at him it would just remind you of how hard you fell in love with him at first sight. How his warm brown eyes were so inviting, so enticing. Instead. hurt and anger flushed up as your eyes remained on the woman, her eyes also steeled as if you were taking her man.

How funny.

As Baekhyun came closer, Jae instinctively stood in front of you. Baekhyun’s eyes flew towards Jae’s tall frame, eyes hardening as he took in his protective stance against you. Donghyuck’s hand remained closed around yours as he pulled you to stand slightly behind his back.

“Hyung” Jae’s voice was blunt and rigid as his eyes distinctively pointed at the woman behind Baekhyun. Although he was younger than the man before him, he couldn’t help but be overprotective of you.

Baekhyun seemed to finally catch on as his eyes darted back and forth between you and the woman. He closed his eyes and had the audacity to look frustrated. Frustrated at the fact that he got caught, not that he never bothered to contact you since three weeks ago.

That seemed to snap you out of your trance. Why the fuck did he look so bothered at the fact that you caught him? Why is he treating you as if you were an inconvenience? As if you were a bother on his evening rendezvous?

Why did it seem like you were the only one hurting and he was happily moving on with his life?

It wasn’t fair.

Out of anger, you harshly let go of Donghyuck’s hand, avoiding his somewhat hurt expression. Starting towards Baekhyun, you narrowly missed Jae’s arm to pull you back and stared straight into Baekhyun’s warm brown eyes as they softened immediately at you. You felt so vulnerable in the position you were in, being not even two feet apart from him.

You wanted to see what he would say. You wanted to give him a chance, because right now, looking straight into his eyes you felt so weak. So desperate for his voice to say something you wanted to hear. You knew you were only placing false expectations on him but, God, you were so weak.

Upclose, his eyes looked tired, worn down. His lips were trying to form something to say after your bold and unexpected stride towards him. If you didn’t know any better he seemed almost nervous.

With expectant eyes, you waited.

“Baby, I– I can explain”

“Then explain”

He nervously looked around after your curt response. At that moment, the woman behind him thought it was the perfect time to intervene as she stood next to him, hand clutching his arm.

“Baekie, who is this?”

Her shrill and accusing voice instantly made you roll your eyes and let out a sarcastic laugh. You turned away and was about to walk away when Baekhyun’s hand flew out to pull you back.

“She’s not who you think she is”

“Then care to explain who exactly she is, then?” You tried ignoring his burning touch sending sparks up your arm, settling for listening to your more angry side instead.

He didn’t say anything as you prompted forward, “Who is she then, Baekhyun? Was I interrupting a date?”

“Yes, you were actually. It’s our 100-day mark today” The woman piped up and gave you a pointed glare.

Your eyes widened at her words as your heart stuttered once again, head becoming hazy as Baekhyun flung her arm off of him and frantically held both of her hands.

100 days? Memories of waiting up for three months flashed back in your head. Three months of cold words and silence, and he was spending them with her? At this point, should you even be surprised?

Baekhyun tried crouching and catching your eyes as he hectically spoke to try to justify himself, words coming out in a ramble. “Don’t listen to her, please, she doesn’t know what’s she saying. Baby, please, it’s not what you think, I would never do that to you”

His words triggered you even more as you were brought back to the night you caught him with the first woman. I would never do that you, everything coming out of him was full of lies.

Your hands flew out from his grasp and slapped him sharp against the cheek. The woman gasped as Donghyuck was suddenly next to you, pulling you against his chest. You felt the tears that you didn’t even know had fallen soak up the shirt against your cheek.

Through your hazy mind you could vaguely make out Donghyuck’s soft voice telling you that you should leave. You absentmindedly nodded as he didn’t miss a beat and proceeded to drag you back to your flat. Away from Baekhyun and his lies but not from the ache settling deep in your heart.

⋯

Your phone was ringing incessantly as you looked blankly at Baekhyun’s number staring back you at for the past two hours. Coming back from the coffee shop, Jaehyun took your phone and deleted his contact but it didn’t help as you already has his number ingrained in your mind.

Your eyes felt dry from all the tears that you’ve been shedding for the past day. Donghyuck and Jae were currently in your living room spending yet another night in your flat in case you decided to do anything stupid.

Not that you were but hey, you appreciated their love and support.

You looked down at your phone as text messages started flooding in.

2:07 AM >> please answer my calls

2:07 AM >> please

2:07 AM >> i love you so much and i know that everything looks extremely bad right now but please let me explain

2:08 AM >> you mean the absolute world to me and i know

2:08 AM >> i know that it doesn’t seem that way but all i want is to hear your voice and explain why

2:08 AM >> why i have been so distant, why i didn’t ever call back, why i was with that woman and with the one at the club

2:08 AM >> fuck, everything sounds so bad but please

2:09 AM >> i won’t hide anything this time, please let me explain and tell you how much you mean to me

2:09 AM >> just one phone call and i won’t bother you again

2:09 AM >> please

You wrapped the covers around you once again. Everything hurt so much, you didn’t know how your heart was still intact.

Of course you wanted to call him. Fuck, even after seeing him with that woman you still wanted to hear his voice. To hear his explanations that could possibly justify his actions.

You were so tired, you knew you deserved better but you fell so hard that your heart kept yearning for him.

In your moment of weakness, Baekhyun decided to call again. You knew you shouldn’t, you shouldn’t. You could blame it on the late night thoughts or possibly your love for him but you couldn’t deny the uncomfortable hope settling in your throat as you answered the call on the last ring.

“Baby, is that you?”

You closed your eyes in disappointment at your actions but stayed on the call.

Rustling was heard on his side as Baekhyun breathed shakily through the phone. His words came out thick as he spoke again.

“I know that you don’t want to speak to me. Fuck, I wouldn’t either if I were you. Just, please let me talk before you hang up.”

You continued to stay silent, not having the energy or heart to actually answer him. He took that as an indication to keep going.

“I know I’ve been distant lately and I’m so sorry for that. I’m sorry for not talking to you and I’m sorry that I broke your trust and loyalty. Please, if you decide to hang up right now just know how sorry I am for going behind your back and hurting you like that”

You covered your mouth with your comforter as you clutched the phone to your ear. His voice was becoming shakier and thicker. You could hear him take gasps between his words.

“That day at the club, you deserve to know that that wasn’t my first time with a woman and baby I am so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, you don’t know how much I hate myself right now. You don’t know how badly I want to take back everything I did.”

Your tears were endlessly dripping down your pillow. As much as he had hurt you, hearing him cry and plead hurt too much. He was full on sobbing now as he let out an empty laugh.

“I feel so pathetic right now holding our promise rings as I keep remembering your hurt eyes over and over again. I know that everything is my fault and I’m not expecting you to forgive me but please just know how much I love you. That woman today, she was lying about the 100-day mark, I only started seeing her this week after feeling so worthless after that day in the club. Baby, please, I know it doesn’t make it any better but I wasn’t in a relationship with anyone else besides you”

There was silence for a bit as you could hear him sniffling in the background. You wanted to tell him that it was okay, but how could you lie to yourself? Nothing is okay, it won’t be okay. Him apologizing does not make this situation okay, it just makes reality more real.

Both of you didn’t speak for a while, was it five minutes? Twenty? You didn’t know. There was one thing you needed to ask though.

“Baekhyun”

“Yes, baby?”

His response was immediate, his ears hanging onto any words that you speak. You didn’t have the heart to correct him for the pet name anymore, this whole situation was just too heartbreaking.

“Why? Why did you cheat? Why didn’t you talk to me, why are you just now calling?”

You heard his breath hitch as there was silence on his end. He didn’t expect you to speak so softly, after the slap earlier he had expected you to yell at him. Somehow, this was more heartbreaking than you throwing insults at him, hearing your voice sound so insecure and small.

If he had the chance to do it over again, he would take it in a heartbeat.

“It hurt too much”

What?

“What do you mean?”

“It hurt too much to love you”

What did that mean? Hurt too much to love you? What the hell does that mean?

“I– I don’t understand”

He sighed deeply as he tried choosing his words carefully. Though, nothing could’ve braced you for what he was about to say next.

“I felt like I would break down every single time I talked to you. Every time I hung up on the phone the feeling would come back, every time I texted you it just reminded me of how far apart we were. I was selfish and I only wanted to protect myself”

“What about the times I was there, Baekhyun? When you came back, why didn’t you just come to me?” You were pleading now, you didn’t understand. If he loved you so much, why would he put you through this pain. Why would he meet another girl knowing you were at home waiting for him?

His voice sounded desperate this time. “I– I don’t know. Please. Baby, I promise this time I’ll do better this time. I’ll answer all your calls, I won’t go out with any other girls, I swear on it. Just please give me a–”

“That doesn’t help anything though, how can I trust you again? How can I trust that the same thing won’t happen again when times get rough? This isn’t your first or last tour, Baekhyun”

“No, I swear on it, I know I can do better. Please just give me the chance, I love you so much, please.” His voice started wavering again, desperate to convince you to give him a chance. But there was just something, something that made you hesitate no matter how much you love him.

“Baekhyun, why were on date with another girl even after I caught you?”

Silence. He didn’t have anything to say and you knew why.

“See, that’s the thing Baek. Why, even after I caught you, why didn’t you even try talking it out with me?”

It was so silent you could hear a pin drop.

“No matter how many times you say you can do better, it’s not true. You’re not ready. If you were ready, you wouldn’t have gone out with that girl. You wouldn’t have to wait to see my face until you start fixing your mistakes. You’re too scared and the real issue is that you gave up on us a long time before I even caught you.”

“No, just listen to me, I–”

“I love you so much, more than you could ever know. But, I need time, you need time. Loving someone isn’t an easy task, Baekhyun. Both of us will just end up hurting each other if we got back together.”

“Baby, please!–”

You wanted it so badly, but you just couldn’t do it.

“Goodbye, Baek”

“No, wait!–”

With a heavy heart, you hung up before he could say anything else. You let out a loud sob as you firmly pressed your hand on your chest, losing all strength in your body and dropping on the bed.

Eventually, you felt warm arms wrap around your body and the smell of Jaehyun flooded through your senses. You buried your face in his chest as he held you, sobs racking through your body as your heart yearned for the boy you would would always love so dearly.

:::}

#baekhyun #baekhyun fic #baekhyun scenario #baekhyun angst #exo angst #exo fic #exo scenario #exo writing #baekhyun writing #baekhyun cheats #baekhyun x you #baekhyun x reader #cries

[pepperonijem]

In the Ashes || Bucky Barnes

masterlist

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: major angst and INFINITY WAR SPOILERS

Word count: 2.6k

Summary: “What’s left to do with these broken pieces on the floor? I’m losing my voice calling on you.”

A/N: This was originally sent in as a drabble request, but I felt I couldn’t do it proper justice in less than 500 words, so here we are. (I put the request under the cut, to avoid spoilers) Grab some tissues y’all, it’s about to get angsty

A/N pt 2: “can i request bucky and the reader during the fight at wakanda where thanos uses the reality stone to make bucky believe the reader is thanos and he kills her on accident and he only realizes it’s her when she begins to fade away, he doesn’t even get to say goodbye (sorry it’s dark, ilysm❤️) maybe even inspired by Ashes- Céline Dion” from @awyglenxkbskcbs 

“You gonna be okay?” Steve asked as he sat down beside you. After telling Sam to fly the quinjet towards what appeared to just be a mountain range, Steve noticed you had the jitters and wanted to check on you. “I know you haven’t seen him in a while, but I also know he’s excited to see you.” You smiled softly and nodded, but your gaze fell to the floor.

A soft sigh escaped your lips as you fidgeted with the straps on your gloves. “I know, it’s just… I wish the circumstances were better.” You finally turned your head up to look at Steve. “I wish I was at home, watching The Office reruns with Bucky, instead of trying to fight against the apocalypse.”  

Steve didn’t respond, instead wrapping an arm around your shoulder as you leaned your head against him. You looked up to Steve, not just as a captain or a hero, but as a friend. He knew what it was like to be separated from the one you love, and he was always there to lean on and you were thankful for him.  

You continued to rest against Steve until Sam called out from the pilot seat of the jet. “Cap, I think we’re here.” You looked out of the windshield to see Wakanda for the first time and the sight had you breathless. The city was beautiful and modern, the epitome for technological progress, the literal definition of a hidden gem. Steve pat Sam on the back as he directed him towards where to land, and you stood up along with Natasha and the rest of your group. As the jet approached the landing site you noticed a group of people gathering around, including T’Challa and Okoye, whom you’d met before. You heard Bruce whisper to Rhodey behind you, asking if he should bow, and let out a small laugh when Rhodey answered yes. Wanda and Vision stood behind them, also snickering at Bruce’s question, knowing he took it too seriously.

When the quinjet finally landed, you walked out beside Steve and Natasha. You scanned through the small crowd in front of you as Steve greeted T’Challa until your eyes found a familiar pair of worn blue ones. You reflexively smiled at him and when he returned it, your heartbeat went crazy. It wasn’t until Natasha nudged you in the side that you looked back over to T’Challa who was smiling at you warmly.

“(y/n), nice to see you again,” he greeted before taking your hand in a firm handshake. “I see you’ve already found Mr. Barnes.” T’Challa laughed before looking towards Bucky and gesturing for him to come forward.

Steve greeted Bucky with a quick hug and a pat on the back, and even though Steve was here only two weeks ago to see him, they made it seem like it had been months. Bucky then turned to you, and you felt your stomach drop to your knees when you realized he was close enough for you to smell the ever-familiar scent of his cologne. The smile on his face was unlike the ones he used to show before he left for Wakanda. Back then, his smiles were forced and restrained, like he was afraid of his happiness being snatched away. But this smile, this smile spread all the way to his eyes, and if you weren’t so lost in the moment, you would have noticed the almost literal twinkle in them when he looked at you. He quickly pulled you into a tight embrace and you buried your head in his neck, savoring the feeling of being in his arms. For the last two years you had been on the run moving from run-down hut to another, never quite being able to settle down, but here in Bucky’s arms, you were home, and even when he pulled away you were stuck on cloud 9.

“Hi,” he finally said. You let out a small chuckle playfully pushed him.

“Hi yourself,” you smiled. You and Bucky continued to look at each other, just appreciating the other’s presence with a comfortable silence resting between you, until Sam broke it.

“Just kiss already,” he teased. “We know you’re just trying to not make it awkward for us, but trust me, this weird staring game is more awkward.” Natasha laughed in agreement and you matched the blush that was creeping onto Bucky’s cheeks. The rest of the group began walking towards the inside of the palace, leaving you and Bucky to yourselves. He shyly bit his lip, before pulling you in for a sweet and long overdue kiss. His lips felt soft and relaxed on yours, much opposed to the rough and tired kisses he gave you before going back under.

After remembering your human need to breathe, the two of you broke apart and Bucky took your hand and the two of you went off to find the rest of the group. The halls echoed with your laughter as Bucky caught you up with his new life in Wakanda, he told you about the goats he named after you and Steve, how you just have to see them because he knows you’ll love them, about the new arm Shuri had made for him, and about the new coconut oil he was using to keep his hair healthy. You brought him up to date with your life as well, about how you haven’t slept on a good bed in so long, but you’ve learned 3 more languages, and that you have a newfound love of German food.

But your happy nostalgia came to an abrupt halt when you entered the room. “They’re on their way, and we don’t have much time left,” Bruce said. “They know the soul stone is in Vision, and they won’t stop until it’s out of Vision.”  You and Bucky looked at each other with concern, before turning to Wanda who had tears spilling out of her eyes, knowing that she would have to be the one to destroy Vision and the stone if it came to that. T’Challa’s younger sister Shuri spoke next.

“Then why don’t we take it out of him first?” She suggested. She and Bruce began to discuss with Wanda and Vision the scientific possibilities of removing the stone and destroying it without harming Vision while Steve pulled you, Bucky, Sam, and Natasha off to the side.

He explained that no matter what happened, the mission was to not let the Black Order near this room. “This is what we’re here to do, and really, it might be the last thing we do,” Steve explained. “But we’re soldiers today. We’re not just fighting for one people today, but the whole universe. So think of the people around you, those you love and those who love you.” You and Bucky kept your eyes ahead, but his metal digits found yours and gave you a small squeeze. “Those are the people looking up to us, so whatever it takes, we’re not gonna let them down. Not today, not ever.”

The sound of a crash ended Steve’s speech and the group flocked to the window to see the first aircraft land and crash. They were here. The team flocked out, leaving behind Wanda, Vision and Shuri but before you could leave, Bucky grabbed you by the arm. “Listen, doll, if anything… if anything happens--” but you cut him off with a kiss before he could finish his sentence. You grazed his cheek with your palm and he softened his grip on your arm.

“No, Buck,” you countered. “Tonight, after all this shit is over, and we’ve done our job, we’re gonna take a long shower, make some hot chocolate, and then lay in your bed and we’re gonna watch The Office until we fall asleep, while your goats bleat around us, okay? Because I love you, and you love me, and we’re not going to let each other down.” You kept a smile on your face but you could see the worry still etched in the wrinkles around Bucky’s eyes. “So let’s do this the way we’re gonna do the rest of our lives -- together.” His face finally softened and he leaned in to kiss you on the forehead with a whispered “I love you” before you sped out to meet with the group.

The battle was shifting in your favor for a while. By opening the small section, you and the other avengers were able to streamline the creatures summoned by the black order. You fought alongside Natasha, the two of you teaming up to maim and kill the alien demons. But eventually you realized that no matter how many you killed, there were another 10 to replace it and you began to grow tired, but you continued to fight, feeling all the more hopeless by the day. It wasn’t until Thor arrived that you once again had hope for the battle. But when Vision came down and Thanos arrived, you and the other Avengers rushed over to try to defend the stone. Thanos was powerful, but so were you and your friends.

While Steve had Thanos distracted you made an effort to immobilize the glove, as Bruce had mentioned that’s where his power was concentrated. Steve was throwing jabs left and right, and Sam covered for you as you attempted to plant a grenade in the palm of the gauntlet, hoping to at least make a dent in it. But before you could reach the palm of his hand, he shut his fist, causing the gauntlet to glow, and smacked you away from him. The magnitude of his attack sent you flying against a bed of rocks and you rolled off and onto your back, almost unable to move. You slowly stood up, leaning against a tree for support. Every bone in your body felt stretched and brittle and you sucked in a breath at the sharp pain. The world around you seemed to sink low and you felt heavy, as if your center of gravity shifted. Your vision was still hazy from the impact, but you could see that Thanos was nowhere to be found, your bet was that he used the stone to disappear to another part of the dense forest, and you were thankful because right now you couldn’t fight. There was no energy left for you to. You watched as your friends rushed over to where Vision was, trying to create a wall of defense around him in case Thanos showed back up, and you made an effort to shuffle over. But your legs wouldn’t budge, and every effort felt like fire in your bones. You continued to try until you saw Bucky and Natasha leave the group and run over towards you and a smile spread on your face at the sight. You extended your arm to them, but then you let out a gasp once you saw it.

That wasn’t your arm.

As Bucky and Nat got closer, you saw that the looks on their faces were not of concern, but of anger. Bucky, full of fury, let out a battle cry before swinging his metal arm against you. You had no time to react, as every movement brought you more pain, so instead you allowed yourself to be knocked down. You tried to speak, to call out to Bucky to let him know that it was you, but the only thing you could let out was a pained gasp as Bucky took a jab at your chest.

“Where the hell is she?!” he demanded, not relenting on his hits. Natasha watched as he continued, and tried to call out to him and pull him back, but Bucky resisted. He heard nothing but the sounds of his own sobs and the thuds of his metal fist against the broken purple body in front of him. “What did you do with her? Bring her back!” He moved his fists to your jaw and although your arm reached up to try to block the hits, you were too distracted by the pain in Bucky’s voice to push him away from you. Time seemed to move slower and the world slowly got darker, and you couldn’t help the guilt that made its way into your stomach when you thought about how you were going to be letting down a lot of people today.

It wasn’t until Bucky heard the pained shouts of Wanda from the group that he finally stopped attacking you and allowed Natasha to pull him away. “Jesus Christ, Bucky, something’s wrong,” she chastised him. He turned around to where Nat was looking to see two beams of red energy streaming in both directions -- one towards the stone in Vision’s head, and the other towards…

Bucky was finally hit with the realization and he fell down to his knees. He gave out a gradual crescendo of “No”s until he was screaming it with every ounce of oxygen in his body. Bucky couldn’t even keep his eyes open, feeling too guilty to even face the bloodied body in front of him, the body that was destroyed at his hands. At his cries, the real Thanos once again shut his fist and you returned to normal. “Buck,” you called to him, your voice now hoarse and laced with pain -- pain that he caused -- and he finally opened his eyes to look at you. He crawled over to you and lifted your head and laid it on his lap, still chanting “no, no, no,” like it was a prayer. He tried to stroke your hair, and you felt his hands tremble against your scalp. You forced out a smile, not wanting to Bucky to see your pain. “Don’t forget to add the cinnamon on my cocoa,” you whispered softly. Even over the sound of Wanda screaming in the distance, and Thanos ripping the stone out of Vision’s head, and the sound of Thor’s battlecry approaching, Bucky only heard your voice. You felt that you were allowed to be selfish, just this once, to want this moment to be only about you and the love of your life, since it would be the last one you shared.

He let out a sad chuckle in between his sobs, and began to speak. “How can I forget, doll? You’re always remindin’ me.” he rested his hand on your cheek, getting colder by the second. He bent down to press a kiss against your lips, barely feeling yours move under his. He pulled away and rested his forehead on yours, cradling your body in his arms and consumed by the ever familiar feeling of guilt. Even with HYDRA’s brainwashing out of his system, he managed to hurt someone else he loved, and although you would deny it, the guilt would forever haunt him. “I love you.” he whispered with a sad smile.

But before you could return his feelings, the echo of a snap hit your ear drums and you watched Bucky’s eyes widen in terror. You looked down at your hands to see yourself fading into ash. “Make it stop,” you cried, your breathing now erratic. “Bucky, I don’t want to be alone,” you sobbed as your body faded away into nothingness. Bucky tried in vain to grab the pieces as they flew away, hoping he could piece you back into the beautiful light you were out of the scattered ashes, but he every time he got close to a piece of you, it drifted away. He couldn’t even tell what was you anymore, as the pieces of you got lost with the ashes of the others who were ripped away. Thanos didn’t just destroy half of the universe, he wiped away all of Bucky’s heart. Now all that was left was a ghost of him, merely an echo of the man he was with you.

He looked around, seeing others in positions just like his: kneeling against spaces where bodies of their loved ones once lay, and the cries of guilt rose up in his chest as the sound of your last words echoed in his mind. Why were you the one paying the price for his mistakes? You didn’t deserve the ending you got, and he didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to be alive. Not without you. Not alone.

#Sebastian Stan #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan angst #sebastian stan smut #sebastian stan fic #sebastian stan headcanon #sebastian stan x reader #Bucky Barnes #James Buchanan Barnes #Bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes headcanon #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #winter soldier #winter soldier fluff #winter soldier fic #infinity war spoilers #infinity war #iw spoilers #jem speaks

[dwightkschrute]

In 2014 and 2015 I did a my year in review kind of thing where I, of course, reviewed it and accompanied it with a picture from that month. I somehow forgot to post 2016 (until now) and forgot to do it at all for 2017 but unfortunately, I am back with a really disappointing year. I was debating not putting myself through the legit pain of “reviewing” this year but I think of how I love going through my 2009-2010 posts and seeing how much I’ve grown so this is for you, successful and cooler future me.

2016 and 2017 were amazing but 2018 was my most promising year. My boyfriend and I were going to move in, I was going to start my dream job; everything was perfect. It definitely started out as one of the best years of my life! Then exactly halfway through the year everything changed and I was left having to pick up the pieces and completely restart, making it one of the worst years of my life.

I started January in Mexico, which was the best, but my family and I got home early in the month. I had quit my job the month before so I dedicated the entirety of this month to job hunting. Our friend (my bf’s bff who became mine and my brother’s bff early on)’s dad got a boat so it was like we got a boat too because despite the cold, we lived on it. (My boyfriend couldn’t go on the trip with us, which he was super bummed about (and that we had to spend like 10 days apart which was killer then), so he was the one to pick us up at the airport and he greeted me with a bouquet of flowers. Out of the many gifts/gestures he gave me, that was one of my favorites.)

February I started my amazing new job so life was back to 40 hour work weeks and not having much time for much else. I was always attached to the hip to my bf so almost every day after work entailed going out with him or having dinner with my family or his. That was my month. My favorite part of every February is Valentine’s Day and this one was as amazing as the rest. I don’t even have enough space (of the allotted space I give myself for each entry at least!) to describe that day. (My bf at our Valentine’s Day dinner. We finished our long day at this restaurant (so, so cool, once popular with Old Hollywood stars) on Hollywood Blvd and it was dreamy and romantic and amazing.) Oh man, I don’t have a lot of interesting things to say about March. Oh, my parents got Influenza (A/B/idk tbh), so it was two weeks of my brother, bf, and I taking care of them. My dad has a serious chronic disease so it was especially dangerous for him so it was a stressful time. Once we weren’t in hazmat suits anymore (no but really, we were gloved and double masked around them and kept them quarantined), I’d be at work or with my bf. I also started to get close with a co-worker, who I quickly became close friends with! (My bf’s two huskies. I’ve just loved that picture since I took it! I’ve never been loved by a dog more than the one in the back of this pic. Not even by my own! He has a special place in my heart.)

April was barbecues at my house or my bf’s, trying every brewery and bar around, hikes, bike rides, beach visits, baseball games, boat rides, late night cooking and baking. It was lots and lots of love and happiness and I would give absolutely anything to go back to those days. (My brother and bf grilling on Easter. This was a familiar scene, I have so many pictures of this exact scenario, yet looking at it just now made me so emotional! Stop! They’re just grilling!) May was so exciting! Very first day I got a new car! I was so happy! It was long overdue because my finicky, expensive Volkswagen had to go and I’d fallen in love with the new Honda Civic (I’ll admit I have basic taste but I don’t care!) so I finally bit the bullet and did it. This month my bf and I, after a long time of “oh wouldn’t it be nice!”, bit the bullet as well and decided to finally get serious about finding a place together. So the apartment search started, but we soon realized our home, Orange County, was super expensive. My bf, in that “ha ha jk but I’m down if you are” way, suggested we pick up and move to Oregon and I immediately agreed. It just felt right and despite us being the most careful and non-spontaneous people ever, we decided to do it! So we began to research, look for apartments but most importantly, jobs. (My car the day I took it home!)

Uhhhhhh, well, June hurts to think about! We went to visit Portland, where we decided we’d want to live because that’s where the jobs were, on a quick trip since it was strictly “business.” Portland was everything I imagined and more. We loved it and I think we loved playing house in our airbnb more than anything about the city. Back in LAX we came to the easy conclusion that though we lived Portland, that’d require a lot and for our first time moving out we’d like to stay close to home and above anything else, we just wanted to live together as soon as possible. We immediately started to look for places in LA, we spent the month apartment hunting, and towards the end of it, decided on one we really liked, one he begged me to please say yes to so we can move in already. I was so, so, so happy this month but what made me happier was seeing my bf, I swear, even happier than me. I seriously felt unstoppable and was beyond excited for our future. (I had a lot of Portland pictures to choose from but my bf and I liked this one because it reminded us of Always Sunny for some reason.)

In July, everything changed. To start, I left my job. I thought, new chapter in my life, new job coming, I’ll live really far, I should leave now. So I did. My last day was an emotional day because I loved my job so much and every single person I worked with. That very same day, my bf and I broke up. For unrelated reasons to my last day, to our moving in, to our relationship, etc. We had an amazing, amazing relationship but he has a lot of demons and issues/insecurities he has to deal with and conquer, and though I was aware and was there for him and would continue to be by his side no matter what, he decided that this was a battle he had to handle by himself and I figure before he got into a more committed situation. It didn’t have to happen, though. I hadn’t talked about the specifics of the breakup on my blog so  sorry for changing the mood of the post, but yeah, July happened and it felt like my world stopped. Really regret quitting my job now, huh? I was hit by two huge losses and changes right at the same time.  (I took this on my friend’s boat 20 tequila shots in, drunk and sad as fuck. Not to get fake deep but how sad. Literally on a boat, beautiful sunset, would rather die.)

August was a blur and I’m still not convinced I didn’t just dream it. God, alright, here we go, the rest of the year is a mess so get ready. I fell into a deep depression fast. It also didn’t help that my dad had to start getting radiation/infusions for his illness shortly after the breakup. I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed. I started dating someone else and then I dated another guy shortly after. I wanted to replace and/or forget and I really thought that’d be the solution. I was miserable when I was with them. I took absolutely any opportunity to get really drunk or high, and the opportunity came often so I spent most of my days desperately trying to not feel anything. The only time I’d feel okay was when I was extremely high and I couldn’t even think. Since I had a lot of savings for my out of state move, I had a lot of money to blow, which I did. I realized I even liked the feeling of the temporary “high” of spending a lot and receiving the stuff. I’d hang out with any friend who offered (out of boredom? loneliness?) and even ended up on a mess of a Vegas trip. Worst month ever. Maybe. (Here’s a positive! I like that bathing suit and my tiddie looks so round!)

When September came I realized two months had passed and all I had done was be a huge depressed mess. I no joke forgot about work. I just straight up forgot. I started to look for a new job, which hurt me so bad because I had to face the fact that it wouldn’t be my Cool LA Dream Job anymore. I stopped dating. Most importantly, I completely stopped drinking and smoking because it’d almost always make me sadder but also it scared me that I had no self control nor did I care. I saw a whole lot of my close friends and they, along with my immediate family, kept me afloat this month because time felt like it was going so fast. I couldn’t believe that at a blink of an eye it was night again and then a new day. Time had no mercy for me, please let me hold on. (Me at a baseball game. Tbh I’m looking at this thinking, did this really happen?)

October started out nice because my best friend of years, who I unfortunately had a falling out with three years ago, reached out to me. I’ll always give her all of the credit for doing that. I can’t begin to explain what this meant to me. It was a nice, bright shine of light that managed to shine through the dark clouds. Having my best friend is exactly what I needed. I’m a big believer in the universe acting in mysterious ways and though I had grown disappointed in its little surprise for me lately, this was the kind I always appreciate. I spent a good part of that month with her, catching up and doing things just like we did back then. It was like nothing had changed. That’s all I remember about this month, and a super fun Halloween! That day was probably one of the best days in months. (My best friend Rylee and me the first time seeing each other in 3 years. We’ve had our blogs for 8-9 years so please follow her for quality content)

November was rough. I was frustrated because surely things should had been better by then. I was still feeling so low, I was going to job interviews to no avail, I “relapsed” and had a high/drunk off my ass on a boat messy moment.. To make matters worse, I accidentally drove up on a cement divider in a parking lot and my airbags deploy, which is so expensive to fix, so my car was out of commission for a month. Then I got so sick and I rarely ever get a small cold. I seriously felt like I was cursed, even the smallest thing felt like an insult towards me. The one good thing is that since July I had been forcing myself to go to the gym five times a week. My mom said exercising was the only thing that’d help her feel that sweet release of seretonin, endorphins, dopamine, and all that good stuff when she was depressed so, though I enjoyed going to the gym before, I did it just for that reason alone. It worked and as another result I got like pretty fucking fit. Revenge body, you’re one of the few good things in my life right now. (I literally had no idea what to choose so I said fine, here’s a pic of the scene of the crime. Whatever.)

In December I turned 26. Which I hate, naturally. I went to a million more job interviews. I’m seriously so embarrassed to admit that but whatever, it’s the truth. (I have a degree, experience, and an awesome cover letter..I’ll keep blaming the curse!) What kept me sane was that we had different family members visiting from the very beginning of the month. Playing with an energetic, adorable baby kept me distracted and happy. Having so much company around also distracted me (slightly, but it helped!) from the fact that the holidays and my birthday would be quite different now. I’m one of those annoying Christmas lovers, usually at least. This year everything just happened and I didn’t care. But I survived December! (I don’t care. This is the appropriate representation of 2018 and how I feel at the end of it.)

Jesus if you’ve read all of this.. I’m sorry you had to read about the mess of my year but really more like the mess that is ME. Yknow those like “people my age I went to HS with vs me” memes? I seriously went from being that bitch with a good paying job, brand new car, a serious, great relationship with a promising future together (Like. We would color coordinate outfits! LMAO. We would have dinners with both of our families together. We were obsessed with each other. You’d roll your eyes if you saw any of this. I can’t get over how perfect we were, it’s hilarious what happened to us.) and then at the blink of an eye I went to not having absolutely any of that, casually dating (something I’d NEVER done) anyone who resembled my ex and sadly and drunkenly puking off the side of a pier. Who is she? I don’t know, I got whiplash. (Queen of parentheses and side notes, I know. But another thing about me is... I’ve never been affected by people leaving my life. I’m used to it. I’ve never been anywhere as affected as I was when my ex and I broke up. This isn’t normal for me, my ENTJ/Capricorn ass doesn’t know what this feeling is.)

Please curse that has been put on me, release me. Whoever is attacking my voodoo doll, calm down! Please! I’ve gone through enough sadness and loss. If 2019 is even slightly as bad, I’m going to be like that pigeon I reblogged the other day that’s like “fuck this I’m just going to sit here.” I can’t even make a cute but corny, hopeful “hope 2019 is great!” comment. I’m literally begging you...pleading you... I don’t believe in karma but after all of this shit, I better have something much better in stock for me. “Good things are coming!” I fucking hope so. Like, I’ll be even more annoying right now and say that it’s not fair that I didn’t get to have the future I was about to have. I don’t care about any cliche you may have for me. One door closes, everything happens for a reason, God has a plan, etc. No. Why did all of this have to happen? What can be better than the future I was going to have? I felt so unlucky. It all feels like a nightmare and I’m just waiting to feel whole again. Oh shit I got really intense. I know I’ll get over it and life will be good again eventually but for now, I am still so mad. I would have never in a million years guessed this is how my 2018 would go. 

So fine, I’ve accepted things now, so now I’m impatient and say please prove me wrong, 2019. I’m THREATENING you to be amazing!

#2018 #OMFG MESSSSS of a year.. #and i acted so embarrassingly sigh but that was 2018

[juvcniles-blog]

i’ve written so many intros for this mans that you’d think i’d have at least One saved somewhere but nope !! so here goes nothing all from scratch lmao he also has a stats page that you can find right HERE. 

alright so colby grew up in rockville, maryland with his little sister laurie and his two supportive parents. they were honestly a v traditional american family. middle-class, super loving, strong bonds, and nothing major or tragic ever happened in their lives. that was probably why colby always found other ways to entertain himself, either by running off into the woods and bringing home a snake ( dead or alive ) or getting on a bus and ending up two towns over with an amber alert on his ass for 7 hours straight. moral of the story was that he was a rambunctious little kid always searching for something more, and that trait never left him tbh.

when high school rolled around this made him the Cool Kid. he started chain-smoking cigarettes and skipping class in his shitty 2002 honda accord. rock climbing kind of became his thing, like a little barefooted monkey crawling all over the earth and eventually settling down somewhere with a scenic view and smoking so much weed that he convinced himself he was buddha in the flesh. nonetheless, he still managed good grades and solid friendships and him and his sister became pretty close around this time. they were kind of like each other’s safe havens, could go to each other for anything and confide in one another when needed. they both definitely covered for each other at least Twice when sneaking out of the house lmao. 

before graduation there was definitely talk about a gap year, and afterwards colby had somehow managed to convince his parents to let him do it. he had literally dreamed of traveling the world one day and he never imagined that he’d be able to do it at such a young age and especially with so much support from his parents ( emotionally and financially ). they felt that he’d earned it, and so off he went to europe with nothing but his skateboard and a duffle bag full of clothes and his single leather journal. he kissed laurie goodbye on the forehead, not even realizing that that would be the last time he’d see her in 3 whole years. 

at first colby only extended the vacation by a couple of months, which turned into a half a year, then a full year, and so on and so on. his parents stopped supporting him after the first year because they just wanted their son home, but unfortunately he got Sucked into the lifestyle of sex and drugs and hostels and a bunch of other illegal shit that only his journal had the opportunity to hear about. what’s funny about it is that he was genuinely having some of the best moments of his life. he met new people everywhere that he went, easily schmoozing them into letting him crash on their couch, but he’d never stay for too long because colby was a moving man. he was essentially a vagabond, pawning stolen items and selling his own artwork to get by, but he was fulfilled and that was all that really mattered to him at the time.

laurie was the one who convinced him to come home. if it was going to be anybody, of course it was the one girl who actually meant something to him other than just a warm mouth. he expected his parents to be upset but they were just Happy more than anything else, and greeted him with tight hugs and watery eyes. colby hadn’t anticipated on staying. in fact, he only wanted it to be a quick weekend visit before he was catching a flight to paris, but an acceptance letter to godfrey university with his name on it was quick to change his mind. laurie had written the application herself and sent it off without a word. she said it was what she wanted for him, that she wanted to see him succeed educationally because he’d already succeeded in other life skills. it was the only thing he was missing. plus, a college experience was definitely long overdue.

it seemed like just as quickly as he made it home colby was already packing his bags for hillsboro, oregon. he’s heading into the university as a twenty-one year old freshmen but anything’s better late than never. he left laurie with a handful of journal entries ripped out from his leather notebook, hoping she’d smile to herself as she read about all the adventures that he’d been up to while traveling the world. that’s honestly a great way of describing him as a character.

he’s crazy But !! he’s thoughtful, and also super charming and quite confident. because of his travels he kind of views himself as more superior than other people, having so many life experiences under his wings and being fluent in both spanish and french. it’s kind of hard for him not to think of himself as better than most people, but in general he’s a rather likable guy. pretty comical at times and definitely Very poetic, especially when he’s fucked up. he enjoys sleeping around with people and will never actually commit to a relationship, which is ironic considering his number of idiotic tattoos. you’ll never catch him without his skateboard under his arm, his journal in his hand, and a cigarette tucked behind his ear. 

suggested connections !!

friends !! colby has more friends than anything else, whether they be super close or just friendly people in passing. he’s v affable. 

troublemakers !! people he can wreak some havoc with. he’s honestly such an adrenaline junkie and he won’t survive without these people in his life. maybe he’s the bad influence on them or vice versa. 

enemies ?? we can work on the details but i think that he should have at least One solid hateship lmao please give me this. 

old fling !! ok i imagine this being a person that colby has met once before, probably during his travels, and developed feelings for throughout his visit but then fled the moment that things got real. they probably left off on weird, unresolved terms. 

 hookups !! this can be just about anybody tbh. he’s not picky when it comes to sleeping around, as long as they’re not Totally insane.

his muse ?? this will probably be a selective connection since this person is someone that colby deeply admires. he likes them more from a distance than face-to-face, and uses them as inspiration for his paintings and other creative works.

coworkers !! i’m not sure what other occupations there are yet but colby works as a pizza delivery boy, so if your muse needs a job then this would be a fun connection.

i’ll keep adding to this as i think of more but this is all i have for now !!

#intro | colby. #mentions of drugs !

[openbook-izel]

Wasting The Friendship || Reza and Izel

set Friday

More than once now, Reza had felt reassured that he’d reached his lowest point post-vampirism. The time he’d followed someone all the way to their house by the sound of their pulse, the smell of their blood, only to retreat in utter shame when the person was greeted by two kids in the door – that had been his last ‘lowest point’.

It had only taken him two weeks to reach the newest low point.

Being at Mystery Loves Company had always felt like a safe haven, both figuratively and literally, keeping out all sorts of danger. For the last couple of years, Izel had been pretty much the only thing keeping him alive and for the most part, sane. The fact that he’d been actively avoiding her since returning to Ashkent Creek a few months ago was shameful, but it’d been too long now. Revealing to her now that he’d become the thing she’d been protecting him from… Reza was just too much of a coward to come clean.

Hence him sneaking around outside his once safe haven, trying to figure out the best way to break in.

He’d tried to go on without the stuff he’d left behind but it was long overdue for retrieval. Any sane grown-up would have just rang Izel up and asked to swing around but Reza considered himself to be neither, so breaking and entering was obviously his only option. His plans post-vampirism seemed to be getting worse by the day.

In the hopes of skipping the ‘breaking’ part of his plan, Reza had brought his bulky keychain along, hopeful that one of them still worked to the lock of the store. A few keys in, his hope was quickly fainting, the hairs on his back standing up in fear of someone – mostly Izel– spotting him.

Click.

Almost crying out in relief, Reza pocketed the keys and quietly let himself inside. His ears were halfpart tuned into his environment but he was still learning to control his senses; focusing solely on what was happening inside and around him instead of cars honking outside was far from easy.

Nostalgia filled his chest as he passed the counter, gently shutting the door behind him, ears twitching with tension. Reza longed to throw himself in the familiar lounge chair and just read and not have to strain his mind for just an hour or two. To feel normal again for an hour or–

Pain pierced through his brain and if vampires could bleed, Reza would have had no doubt that his ears had been dripping crimson from how bad they hurt right now. Hands desperately attempted to cover them as the noise continued to wail and only when he’d blocked the sound, if only a little bit, did Reza realize that the noise was an alarm. Izel had installed a security alarm and Reza had definitely woken her up now, along with the rest of the block.

Panicked, mouth drying up as the noise continued to slam against his sensitive eardrums, Reza stumbled towards the stairs. The pain and uproar were making him disoriented but if he could just get to his room and then escape out the window…

The door to the apartment was closed and Reza reluctantly removed one hand from his ears, instantly grimacing. Fuck, did it hurt.

Hand reached for the handle, Reza paused because… because what? Why? His panic rising, Reza tried again but… didn’t. He couldn’t open the door, couldn’t get into the apartment. His old apartment, because he wasn’t him anymore. He was a vampire and if he wanted his stuff back, he’d need a holy invite from Izel to enter. What a shitty, shitty plan indeed.

It wasn’t clear what woke her up, the beeping of an alarm on her bedside table, or Zaskia hissing and scratching at the door and generally making a fuss. Izel groaned and reached over to turn off her alarm, but it wasn’t 7.30 am. It was a breaking in type alarm. Her first instinct went to Nora, but that didn’t sound right. grabbing her dressing gown and phone and the ridiculous sword she’d won in that one raffle, she let Zaskia out and hurried downstairs. Just as Izel reached the bottom floor, she heard the main, full building alarm starting to blare and winced, her knee almost giving as she held the sword in front of her. There were laboured footsteps in the store. “Hey, who’s there!” She yelled, heart pounding, knowing that if the alarm rang another minute or the security company would be called. The security company her dad had once worked for.

Whoever is was stopped at the door way but didn’t come any further. Through the frosted glass all she could see was a silhouette. No aura. Possibly no invite. She leant in carefully to the eye piece and squinted at the distorted figure on the other side.

“Look, back away from the door. I have a ridiculously sharp sword that I pretty much know how to use and if you don’t leave soon I will call a Slayer who has experience with zombies. So my bases are covered and you really really need to-

“Reza?” It was. The planes of his face were sharper and no longer sagging. His skin paler and almost dusty. There were no rings under his bright, shining eyes. They were scrunched up in response to the siren, and she could hardly blame him, but she hesitated in turning it off. Reza was in Pakistan, or dead, given how he never answered his emails anymore. Reza could have just come in, this was his home. Or it had been. Might have been more of a motel for all of a goodbye he gave it and her. Convenient, useful for -

Oh.

Like a pricked balloon, she deflated all at once, the recognition vanishing and morphing into something worse. Her heart started hammering and the tip of the sword dropped to the floor, slicing an inch into the tiles before stopping. “You’re from Ashford,” she stated softly, failing to hide all the weight that came with it. There was only ever one. Her dad or the man who occasionally hovered in the doorway, staring, judging, before leaving again. Her mother or the lady who lived in Peru and didn’t even speak English. Reza, or a burglaring vampire. She glanced at her feet, safely on the inside of the threshold. “What are you doing here?” The alarm continued to blare. Zaskia continued to hiss at her ankles. Gently, she pushed the cat away from the door with her foot.

Izel’s voice reaching Reza’s ears cut him deeper then the blaring alarm ever would and he could have sworn that his immobile heart startled. All the energy drained from him, he simply stood motionless as footsteps neared the door, the shrill alarm still filling the space. This wasn’t how he’d imagined announcing this to Izel and as much as he wanted to escape, to sprint away and hide from his problems a little longer, he couldn’t. Izel’s silhouette was already visible on the other side of the stained glass and Reza’s mouth went dry.

For a moment, it seemed, she didn’t have a clue who he was. Her threat to call a slayer did confirm that yes, Reza no longer had an aura. Something he’d known would happen but still managed to surprise him. It had been something of a comfort, knowing that Izel could literally see the person he was; could reassure him that things weren’t as bad as he usually assumed. Now, her guess was as good as anyone’s.

“Reza?” Izel’s tone changed completely, tearing Reza’s heart in two. He really did have a lot of explaining to do. With everything he could have said, Reza only stayed silent, tongue turned to lead in his mouth. In hindsight, he should have started explaining before Izel continued, since her assumptions were far worse than Reza could have imagined. In her head, the only plausible situation where Reza was a vampire, had happened in another universe. Question was, could he just let her believe that?

The door creaked open, just barely, but enough for Reza’s ears to pick up on the hissing inside. Zaskia was… hissing at him?

“I’m…” Reza started, still at a loss for words. This wasn’t at all what he’d planned on this evening; he wasn’t prepared for this. Dark eyes moved to the cat by her feet, looking at Reza with distrust, an expression shared by Izel herself. “Can you turn off the alarm? Please, this is… I’ll explain everything, I just can’t… think!” He shouted, head pounding from the physical and emotional pain trying to run over his mind like a tank. All he wanted at that moment was to hold his cat once again, or to sit with Izel on the couch, watching an easy fantasy. What he didn’t want was to admit to Izel what he’d become, uncertain of whether or not she’d understand. He wasn’t sure his heart could take her judgement, if it was negative.

Izel stared at the crack in the door for a long second, her gaze an off brand attempt at being cold, before sighing and looking at Zaskia. "Ven aqui cariñito," she murmured as she scooped the hissing cat up, extra careful not to get scratch. "Shhhh, buena chica, buena chica, tranquilo, shhhh. I'll be back in a moment, but you are not welcome in." Her heart sank as she stepped away from the door and carefully carried Zaskia to the kitchen. "Stay here cariñito, shhh" Izel instructed, lowering the cat to the floor. Zaskia raced away and jumped onto the nest area of her scratching post, hackles still raised and facing where Reza was, hidden by walls. "Yo tambien." Izel pressed her fists into the table, knuckles white as she struggled to catch the semblances of herself and put them together. This happened all the time. Ashford stole people. She might have caught Reed but that didn't make a difference. Hot tears stung her cheeks as she slammed her fist into the desk hard enough to startleZaskia. Her body ached and was slow as she pushed herself upright, resisting her as she walked back to where the other Reza, the non Reza was, closing doors behind her to keep Zaskia safely out of harm's way. She turned off the alarm and winced as she raised her arm to lift a small decorative crucific off the wall, and slowly made it back to Reza, opening the door enough so that he could see her but stood so it was clear he wasn't welcome in. "Explain, before I call someone who will stake you no questions asked."

The ringing in Reza's ears came as a blessing, replacing the shrieking alarm. It was quiet, almost, but if Reza's hearing hadn't been compromised, he would have been able to hear the pounding heartbeat nearing the door. It creaked open and he straightened his back, the pain now a distant memory -- the physical pain, at least. His heart felt completely useless, shattered even, because Izel was staring at him like a cockroach. Cowering away from the crucific, Reza realized he had no idea where to start. "Izel... I'm not..." Should he lie and tell her he was from Ashford? It would make things easier, maybe, than explaining all of his decisions up to this point. No. He'd been enough of a coward, avoiding her for this long, he wasn't going to insult her with another pathetic lie. "I'm not from Ashford River, it's... me. The one who went to Pakistan without... without a goddamn word of warning to you. I'm the Reza that was too much of a fucking coward to come find you when I moved back here because I'm.... I'm not me. I'm not what you'd have wanted to return from Pakistand and now everything's... fucked." Hands rubbing his face, brushing away tears forming in the crook of his eyes because he had no right to play some sort of victim here. He'd done everything wrong up to this point.

Izel 's knuckles grew white around the crucifix, as she listened with an icy breath caught in her chest. Her eyes were glue to his mouth, uncomprehending of the words coming out of them. Perhaps she was waiting to see a flash of white fangs, or see the lie as it slithered its way out. She'd been caught by his lies too often before, but when she searched for them, he couldn't hide them. At least, not her Reza, but this Reza could be a snake in sheep's clothing and how would she know? "Cut the self-pitying," she said, her voice wavering too much for it to be vicious and too quiet to be hard. Her eyes bored into him long after he'd stopped speaking, staring without seeing. The hallway clock ticked away the seconds, unfeeling and harsh to her ears as he wiped away tears. It was only then that Izel looked away, eyes dropping to his wringing hands as her mouth became a thinner and thinner line. "How long." Her eyes flicked up with new fire blazing in them. "How long have you been back in Ashkent?"

 The harsh statement from Izel's lips hurt worse than the stake that had once been embedded into Reza's hand, despite its low volume. It didn't quite reach the voice she'd used while talking or referring to Heath but the similarities were striking. Despite all he'd done, Izel had never treated him like this. The silence was deafening, more so than the fucking alarm, and Reza wanted to run with every cell of his being. And then the question he'd been dreading more than any other. He could have lied, except for the fact that he'd never been able to lie to Izel. Being a vampire wouldn't change that and she really did deserve better. "A couple of... months." Shrinking together in shame, he wondered if he'd crossed the line for good now; maybe there was no coming back from this. "I get it, if you don't want any explanation. If you don't want me back at all. I get it." Of course he'd understand. Even though the thought of never seeing Izel again made him feel ill.

A lump in Izel's throat formed so sharply she choked around it, twisting away to cough in the crook of her elbow, until she tasted the faintest hint of copper. Izel closed her mouth and swallowed until it had completely vanished before she turned back to him. No point in have him gnashing at the doorway. "Stop it," she said again, looking right at him. There was a loud clack of wood smacking wood as her hand jerked the crucifix into the door. "So I guess you're returning for your things? They're -hgggggh- right where you left them, in the guys' room. But I guess it was better to let me think I'd been burgled than you seeing me." She tapped her foot agains the floor, looking at him right in the eye. "So when did you die?"

Reza cringed away from Izel violently jerking the crucifix around. Nothing in her eyes seemed to be softening, her stance still guarded, a contrast to Reza's vulnerable and pathetic body language. "Late May. In Pakistan. On purpose." Talking about this for the first time was... rough. Especially considering the circumstances. "And you're telling me you wouldn't have wanted to avoid this situation?" Maybe not the right thing to say but he'd known how she'd react, how hurt and disappointed she'd be so her thinking he was dead -- actually dead-- really had seemed like the better alternative.

Izel nodded, looking down her darkened hallway as it was more comforting than looking at him. It was easier than calming the tempest inside her. "I'm glad you got to choose." She'd only just calmed the tempest to a storm when he felt the need to open his mouth again. "Yes, I would have preferred to not have you break into my home to avoid me. Maybe a phone call, or an email. But I guess if you didn't think I could handle a goodbye, then what should I expect? Never mind the fact that we were relying on you with the shop or anything. So yes, I would have preferred anything to meeting you like this, but you didn't give me any choice!"

His eyes closed as Izel threw one accusation after the other, each one truer than the last. Reza hadn't been doing this for her, had he? He was selfish and scared and, apparently, willing to hurt anyone -- including Izel-- if it meant that he could hide from the real world a little bit longer. That's all he was doing at this point; hiding and pretending everything was fine while the people he'd called his friends before suffered. "I didn't," he finally replied, voice cracking before he cleared his throat. "I didn't give you any choice because I was scared and... and... self-centered and selfish. I didn't wanna deal with stuff because the stuff was hard so I just... didn't and you deserved better than that. I guess maybe you thought I was maturing but turns out I'm not. At all. I was... fuck, I was more responsible with my life when Heath was alive than I am now." Reza laughed, a cold, harsh sound, as he shook his head. "And I'm sorry. For dragging you into this and then treating you like... I don't even fucking know, I took you for granted and I'm sorry." Rubbing his face, head reeling, Reza finally looked up at Izel. "I don't deserve everything you've done for me, I really don't, because you're just... you're family, but I sure as fuck didn't act like you were."

It would have been easy to forgive him. To calm down and let him in and tell him evrerything would be forgiven. Izel desperately wanted to reach out and hold him and his begging was slowly breaking her heart. It was easier to treat herself as a doormat, if it weren't for the anger burning through her. "I do deserve better than this." She injected, crossing her arms tightly. His puppy dog eyes had lost their softness a long time ago, and while she could hear the grief in his voice, it sounded... hollow. "I deserve to know that you're not dead, I deserve more than a note in the night, and I definitely deserve better than you throwing yourself a pity party at ungodly o'clock because you got caught." She was bristling now. "Has it occurred to you that right now, this isn't about you and how bad you feel? Are you really asking me to listen to your feelings right now, to carry them and comfort you? Because that's what it sounds like right now. I am not some receptacle for your guilt about how you treat me."

For a brief second, it seemed like Izel's anger was fading, or at the very least being pushed aside for something else. That second didn't drag on for very long and Reza physically recoiled away from Izel's waves of anger. This isn't about you and how bad you feel. His mouth formed a tight line; no attempts at interrupting her. She was right, about everything and what he was doing, what he was attempting to do here without even realizing it, it was... it was basically emotional blackmail. He really was no better than the person -- the thing he despised the most. "I... I'm going to fix this." Eyes on the ground, fists clenched, he came to a resolution. "You won't forgive me and you shouldn't, but maybe I can do... something to make things okay." Before Izel had a real chance to respond, Reza was back at the store's entrance, hand on the doorknob. "Thanks for keeping Zaskia for me."

Izel pressed her lips tighter, running her tongue along the swollen parts of the inside of her cheek. "Good." Was all she could get out, her throat so tight that nothing else could squeeze out, trying not to feel angrier as he told her that she wouldn't forgive him, like he would know. Like he had any idea what she was feeling. Izel wasn't sure she did, and flinched hard as he vanished from view... or just to the door. All she could do was nod tightly as he vanished from the door, leaving a cool breeze in the room behind him. Izel stared for a few seconds at the space he'd occupied before slowly crumbling into the floor. Her entire body shook as she wrapped her hands around herself, suddenly aware of how afraid she still was. Afraid of the burglary... or afraid of the vampire who had broken in, she wasn't sure, but seconds spilled into minutes and her trembling only grew worse. Her cheeks felt hot and slick when she covered her face with her hands. There was no getting back to sleep tonight. The betrayal grew heavier, but something else felt even sharper - she missed him harder than she had in months, and every hour he was gone it felt worse. He'd chosen for her to feel this, and that only doubled it. There was no reclaiming her time for this.

#chatzy #touchofchatzy #reza #aka fuck my heart