#and i acted so embarrassingly sigh but that was 2018

[dwightkschrute]

In 2014 and 2015 I did a my year in review kind of thing where I, of course, reviewed it and accompanied it with a picture from that month. I somehow forgot to post 2016 (until now) and forgot to do it at all for 2017 but unfortunately, I am back with a really disappointing year. I was debating not putting myself through the legit pain of “reviewing” this year but I think of how I love going through my 2009-2010 posts and seeing how much I’ve grown so this is for you, successful and cooler future me.

2016 and 2017 were amazing but 2018 was my most promising year. My boyfriend and I were going to move in, I was going to start my dream job; everything was perfect. It definitely started out as one of the best years of my life! Then exactly halfway through the year everything changed and I was left having to pick up the pieces and completely restart, making it one of the worst years of my life.

I started January in Mexico, which was the best, but my family and I got home early in the month. I had quit my job the month before so I dedicated the entirety of this month to job hunting. Our friend (my bf’s bff who became mine and my brother’s bff early on)’s dad got a boat so it was like we got a boat too because despite the cold, we lived on it. (My boyfriend couldn’t go on the trip with us, which he was super bummed about (and that we had to spend like 10 days apart which was killer then), so he was the one to pick us up at the airport and he greeted me with a bouquet of flowers. Out of the many gifts/gestures he gave me, that was one of my favorites.)

February I started my amazing new job so life was back to 40 hour work weeks and not having much time for much else. I was always attached to the hip to my bf so almost every day after work entailed going out with him or having dinner with my family or his. That was my month. My favorite part of every February is Valentine’s Day and this one was as amazing as the rest. I don’t even have enough space (of the allotted space I give myself for each entry at least!) to describe that day. (My bf at our Valentine’s Day dinner. We finished our long day at this restaurant (so, so cool, once popular with Old Hollywood stars) on Hollywood Blvd and it was dreamy and romantic and amazing.) Oh man, I don’t have a lot of interesting things to say about March. Oh, my parents got Influenza (A/B/idk tbh), so it was two weeks of my brother, bf, and I taking care of them. My dad has a serious chronic disease so it was especially dangerous for him so it was a stressful time. Once we weren’t in hazmat suits anymore (no but really, we were gloved and double masked around them and kept them quarantined), I’d be at work or with my bf. I also started to get close with a co-worker, who I quickly became close friends with! (My bf’s two huskies. I’ve just loved that picture since I took it! I’ve never been loved by a dog more than the one in the back of this pic. Not even by my own! He has a special place in my heart.)

April was barbecues at my house or my bf’s, trying every brewery and bar around, hikes, bike rides, beach visits, baseball games, boat rides, late night cooking and baking. It was lots and lots of love and happiness and I would give absolutely anything to go back to those days. (My brother and bf grilling on Easter. This was a familiar scene, I have so many pictures of this exact scenario, yet looking at it just now made me so emotional! Stop! They’re just grilling!) May was so exciting! Very first day I got a new car! I was so happy! It was long overdue because my finicky, expensive Volkswagen had to go and I’d fallen in love with the new Honda Civic (I’ll admit I have basic taste but I don’t care!) so I finally bit the bullet and did it. This month my bf and I, after a long time of “oh wouldn’t it be nice!”, bit the bullet as well and decided to finally get serious about finding a place together. So the apartment search started, but we soon realized our home, Orange County, was super expensive. My bf, in that “ha ha jk but I’m down if you are” way, suggested we pick up and move to Oregon and I immediately agreed. It just felt right and despite us being the most careful and non-spontaneous people ever, we decided to do it! So we began to research, look for apartments but most importantly, jobs. (My car the day I took it home!)

Uhhhhhh, well, June hurts to think about! We went to visit Portland, where we decided we’d want to live because that’s where the jobs were, on a quick trip since it was strictly “business.” Portland was everything I imagined and more. We loved it and I think we loved playing house in our airbnb more than anything about the city. Back in LAX we came to the easy conclusion that though we lived Portland, that’d require a lot and for our first time moving out we’d like to stay close to home and above anything else, we just wanted to live together as soon as possible. We immediately started to look for places in LA, we spent the month apartment hunting, and towards the end of it, decided on one we really liked, one he begged me to please say yes to so we can move in already. I was so, so, so happy this month but what made me happier was seeing my bf, I swear, even happier than me. I seriously felt unstoppable and was beyond excited for our future. (I had a lot of Portland pictures to choose from but my bf and I liked this one because it reminded us of Always Sunny for some reason.)

In July, everything changed. To start, I left my job. I thought, new chapter in my life, new job coming, I’ll live really far, I should leave now. So I did. My last day was an emotional day because I loved my job so much and every single person I worked with. That very same day, my bf and I broke up. For unrelated reasons to my last day, to our moving in, to our relationship, etc. We had an amazing, amazing relationship but he has a lot of demons and issues/insecurities he has to deal with and conquer, and though I was aware and was there for him and would continue to be by his side no matter what, he decided that this was a battle he had to handle by himself and I figure before he got into a more committed situation. It didn’t have to happen, though. I hadn’t talked about the specifics of the breakup on my blog so  sorry for changing the mood of the post, but yeah, July happened and it felt like my world stopped. Really regret quitting my job now, huh? I was hit by two huge losses and changes right at the same time.  (I took this on my friend’s boat 20 tequila shots in, drunk and sad as fuck. Not to get fake deep but how sad. Literally on a boat, beautiful sunset, would rather die.)

August was a blur and I’m still not convinced I didn’t just dream it. God, alright, here we go, the rest of the year is a mess so get ready. I fell into a deep depression fast. It also didn’t help that my dad had to start getting radiation/infusions for his illness shortly after the breakup. I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed. I started dating someone else and then I dated another guy shortly after. I wanted to replace and/or forget and I really thought that’d be the solution. I was miserable when I was with them. I took absolutely any opportunity to get really drunk or high, and the opportunity came often so I spent most of my days desperately trying to not feel anything. The only time I’d feel okay was when I was extremely high and I couldn’t even think. Since I had a lot of savings for my out of state move, I had a lot of money to blow, which I did. I realized I even liked the feeling of the temporary “high” of spending a lot and receiving the stuff. I’d hang out with any friend who offered (out of boredom? loneliness?) and even ended up on a mess of a Vegas trip. Worst month ever. Maybe. (Here’s a positive! I like that bathing suit and my tiddie looks so round!)

When September came I realized two months had passed and all I had done was be a huge depressed mess. I no joke forgot about work. I just straight up forgot. I started to look for a new job, which hurt me so bad because I had to face the fact that it wouldn’t be my Cool LA Dream Job anymore. I stopped dating. Most importantly, I completely stopped drinking and smoking because it’d almost always make me sadder but also it scared me that I had no self control nor did I care. I saw a whole lot of my close friends and they, along with my immediate family, kept me afloat this month because time felt like it was going so fast. I couldn’t believe that at a blink of an eye it was night again and then a new day. Time had no mercy for me, please let me hold on. (Me at a baseball game. Tbh I’m looking at this thinking, did this really happen?)

October started out nice because my best friend of years, who I unfortunately had a falling out with three years ago, reached out to me. I’ll always give her all of the credit for doing that. I can’t begin to explain what this meant to me. It was a nice, bright shine of light that managed to shine through the dark clouds. Having my best friend is exactly what I needed. I’m a big believer in the universe acting in mysterious ways and though I had grown disappointed in its little surprise for me lately, this was the kind I always appreciate. I spent a good part of that month with her, catching up and doing things just like we did back then. It was like nothing had changed. That’s all I remember about this month, and a super fun Halloween! That day was probably one of the best days in months. (My best friend Rylee and me the first time seeing each other in 3 years. We’ve had our blogs for 8-9 years so please follow her for quality content)

November was rough. I was frustrated because surely things should had been better by then. I was still feeling so low, I was going to job interviews to no avail, I “relapsed” and had a high/drunk off my ass on a boat messy moment.. To make matters worse, I accidentally drove up on a cement divider in a parking lot and my airbags deploy, which is so expensive to fix, so my car was out of commission for a month. Then I got so sick and I rarely ever get a small cold. I seriously felt like I was cursed, even the smallest thing felt like an insult towards me. The one good thing is that since July I had been forcing myself to go to the gym five times a week. My mom said exercising was the only thing that’d help her feel that sweet release of seretonin, endorphins, dopamine, and all that good stuff when she was depressed so, though I enjoyed going to the gym before, I did it just for that reason alone. It worked and as another result I got like pretty fucking fit. Revenge body, you’re one of the few good things in my life right now. (I literally had no idea what to choose so I said fine, here’s a pic of the scene of the crime. Whatever.)

In December I turned 26. Which I hate, naturally. I went to a million more job interviews. I’m seriously so embarrassed to admit that but whatever, it’s the truth. (I have a degree, experience, and an awesome cover letter..I’ll keep blaming the curse!) What kept me sane was that we had different family members visiting from the very beginning of the month. Playing with an energetic, adorable baby kept me distracted and happy. Having so much company around also distracted me (slightly, but it helped!) from the fact that the holidays and my birthday would be quite different now. I’m one of those annoying Christmas lovers, usually at least. This year everything just happened and I didn’t care. But I survived December! (I don’t care. This is the appropriate representation of 2018 and how I feel at the end of it.)

Jesus if you’ve read all of this.. I’m sorry you had to read about the mess of my year but really more like the mess that is ME. Yknow those like “people my age I went to HS with vs me” memes? I seriously went from being that bitch with a good paying job, brand new car, a serious, great relationship with a promising future together (Like. We would color coordinate outfits! LMAO. We would have dinners with both of our families together. We were obsessed with each other. You’d roll your eyes if you saw any of this. I can’t get over how perfect we were, it’s hilarious what happened to us.) and then at the blink of an eye I went to not having absolutely any of that, casually dating (something I’d NEVER done) anyone who resembled my ex and sadly and drunkenly puking off the side of a pier. Who is she? I don’t know, I got whiplash. (Queen of parentheses and side notes, I know. But another thing about me is... I’ve never been affected by people leaving my life. I’m used to it. I’ve never been anywhere as affected as I was when my ex and I broke up. This isn’t normal for me, my ENTJ/Capricorn ass doesn’t know what this feeling is.)

Please curse that has been put on me, release me. Whoever is attacking my voodoo doll, calm down! Please! I’ve gone through enough sadness and loss. If 2019 is even slightly as bad, I’m going to be like that pigeon I reblogged the other day that’s like “fuck this I’m just going to sit here.” I can’t even make a cute but corny, hopeful “hope 2019 is great!” comment. I’m literally begging you...pleading you... I don’t believe in karma but after all of this shit, I better have something much better in stock for me. “Good things are coming!” I fucking hope so. Like, I’ll be even more annoying right now and say that it’s not fair that I didn’t get to have the future I was about to have. I don’t care about any cliche you may have for me. One door closes, everything happens for a reason, God has a plan, etc. No. Why did all of this have to happen? What can be better than the future I was going to have? I felt so unlucky. It all feels like a nightmare and I’m just waiting to feel whole again. Oh shit I got really intense. I know I’ll get over it and life will be good again eventually but for now, I am still so mad. I would have never in a million years guessed this is how my 2018 would go. 

So fine, I’ve accepted things now, so now I’m impatient and say please prove me wrong, 2019. I’m THREATENING you to be amazing!

#2018 #OMFG MESSSSS of a year.. #and i acted so embarrassingly sigh but that was 2018

[gaycrouton]

Mulder accidentally hurts Scully’s feelings and makes her cry

Hello! So sorry it took me so long to respond to this! I hope you're still around to read it <3 I miss doing tumblr prompts so much, so this summer as I try to write more, I want to fill my tumblr prompts! If you've ever asked something from me and never heard back I promise I still have it! Haha, I have prompts that have to be back from 2018, I'll never forget about you <3 Anyway, I hope this is kind of what you were thinking!

s4 | cancer arc angst | 1.1k | ao3 | betaed by the lovely @monikafilefan

Scully knew Mulder was fussing over her because he felt guilty about how utterly shit their day had been thus far, and in his never-ending quest to make everything his fault, he blamed himself. After finishing a case that turned out to be a bust, they had to wake up for a five a.m. flight only for it to be delayed until noon, consequently followed by an emergency landing that gave her a small, poorly hidden anxiety attack. Now they were trapped at an airport in the middle of nowhere while they waited for their now seven p.m. flight.

She wasn't mad at him per se, she was just frustrated because this same scenario had happened countless times over the past four years, but now he was doting on her every move trying to make sure she was as comfortable as possible. The implication was unspoken, but it was deafening to her. Mulder thought she was fragile because of the cancer, that she shouldn't have come in the first place, and it hurt her to think he didn't want or need her help.

So while he fawned over her out of an unsaid guilt, she reacted out of an unsaid hurt.

Every time she rejected his offers with a curt response, she saw a glimmer of pain and worry cross his gaze that would quickly morph into a building frustration. To her, it felt like he thought doing something for her was the only thing that would absolve him of his guilt and the fact she was denying him of that was clearly upsetting him.

They'd been sitting at their terminal for thirty minutes now in awkward silence before he tried his luck again. "Let me get you something to eat."

"I'm not hungry," she replied.

There was a pause before he stated, "You haven't eaten anything all day."

She shrugged, picking at her nails, and upon his sigh, she snapped, "What?"

He let out a sardonic chuckle before saying, "You've been in a mood all day. I'm sorry that I dragged you out here, but I don't know why you're taking it out on me."

"You didn't 'drag me out here,' Mulder. I'm doing my job. I'm not 'taking anything out on you,'" she replied, mimicking him. When he shook his head and turned away, she sneered, "Do you have something you want to say?"

"Sometimes you're goddamned infuriating to be around, Scully," he murmured, crossing his arms over his chest while looking ahead of him.

He didn't mean it. She knew he didn't.

But it felt like a slap in the face.

She wanted to reply "you think you're a walk in the park?" Something she didn't really mean either, just something to hurt him back, but she couldn't. All the shitty events of the day had culminated and him snapping at her was the last thing she could take. Her face grew hot and her throat was so tight she was worried her next breath would be a sob.

Going out on cases was the only thing that made her feel normal. Work was the only time she could distract herself from what was happening in her body, and for him to imply he was annoyed by her was the last thing she needed to hear. There wasn't anywhere for her to go, but she didn't want him to see her reaction to his rude comment.

She pivoted her body away from him and let her eyes clamp shut while her chin quivered, hot tears leaking down her cheeks. The comment wasn't even that mean, but she was sleep-deprived and today had been awful. Scully felt her nose starting to run and she didn't have a tissue on her person. Hoping that once wouldn't give her away, she sniffled to try and compose herself. Pitifully, when she tried to exhale, she involuntarily whimpered.

"Scully?" Mulder prompted the aggravation that was just in his tone making way for his concern. She felt him lean towards her slightly, but she froze. Hoping her lack of response would just further irritate him and he'd leave her alone.

Another hot tear slid down her cheek as she stared intently at the wall she'd turned towards. "Hey," he tried again, this time placing a hand on her upper back.

She didn't turn to look at him, but she let her side profile be visible to him as she looked in her lap, her hands obfuscated and warped from the pools of unsaved tears resting on her lash line.

"Aw, Scully," he murmured sorrowfully. He got down on a knee in front of her seated position, grabbing her hands with his in the hopes she'd look at him.

Instead, unblinking, her tears fell onto his hands like raindrops. "I didn't mean it, Scully. I'm so sorry. I don't even know why I said that," he lamented apologetically.

"I know," she replied, her voice sounding pathetic to even her own ears.

"I didn't mean to make you cry," he added. "I'm just frustrated with this shit day, and I know you're tired and you won't let me help you."

"You've been treating me differently lately and I h-hate it," she admitted, her voice embarrassingly hitching like a hiccup mid-sentence. Scully let her gaze meet his and she saw he looked beyond remorseful, the familiar puppy dog expression etched in his features. "I came because I want to work and help you. You're making me feel like a burden for even being here."

"I didn't-," he stammered, pausing to wipe the tears from her cheeks with the back of his index finger. "I just wanted to know you're okay."

She nodded, self-aware enough to know she'd said she was fine far more often than she'd felt it. "I don't like when we're mad at each other," she mumbled.

"Me either," he replied, squeezing her hands. "I'm really sorry."

"I'm just tired, it's not your fault," she replied, removing her hands from his to wipe her hands under her eyes so any run-away makeup was wiped away. Blinking with a resound sniff to make herself look presentable. Then, offering him a little piece of how she was really feeling lately to make him feel better, she added, "The medicines I've been taking have made me a little emotional. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be short with you today."

"You're never a burden to me, Scully," Mulder assured, his tone emphasizing that he found the very idea to be ludicrous. "I need you here, more than you could ever know," he added, his voice faltering slightly at the end with the weight of his sincerity.

Scully knew the depth of his meaning, and it hurt her knowing she wasn't able to promise him forever anymore, the cancer acting as a timer counting down in her body with no set end.

Instead of replying, she grabbed his hands and squeezed lightly. "Let's go grab some dinner, alright?"

She could at least promise him tonight.

#x files #cancer arc #angst #season 4 #msr #x files fanfic #xf fanfic #gaycrouton #my fanfic

[the-connection]

A new documentary reworks the memoir of Bowers, who boasts he paired Cary Grant with Rock Hudson and Katharine Hepburn with 150 brunettes and slept with so many actors he didnt have time to see their films

Scotty Bowers was a 23-year-old petrol station attendant on Hollywood Boulevard when the actor Walter Pidgeon pulled up to the pump and asked the dimpled blond to jump in his Lincoln. It would be the ride of his life. Pidgeon was gay, claims Bowers in his autobiography Full Service: My Adventures in Hollywood and the Secret Sex Lives of the Stars, and that afternoon they became lovers. Bowers himself transcended labels. Years later, he startled sexologist Dr Alfred Kinsey by checking off every sex act on his list (and took him to orgies to prove it). Guys, girls, spouses, kings, consorts and a three-way with Ava Gardner and Lana Turner. Bowers had done it all.

[Kinsey] came looking for me, says Bowers, now 95, on a hot afternoon in a Hollywood courtyard apartment. Things he thought impossible, I came up with. With his devilish blue eyes and thick white hair, it is easy to picture why he was popular. He burns with energy, as though he spent his retirement stoking gossip he vowed he wouldnt spill while his lovers were alive. J Edgar Hoover? A drag. Vivien Leigh? A hot, hot lady. Wallis Simpson? A real ballsy chick.

Bowers (second from left, back row) with friends. Photograph: Courtesy of Greenwich Entertainment

Bowers used to turn tricks in this same building. Today, the vintage-style pad belongs to the director Matt Tyrnauer, a former Vanity Fair journalist who recently reworked Bowers memoir into the eyebrow-raising documentary Scotty and the Secret History of Hollywood. Tyrnauer, sitting next to Bowers and gently nudging his digressions on track, confirms that he called the Kinsey Institute to check Bowers tale. They knew exactly who he was.

Everyone knew Bowers. George Cukor, Gore Vidal, Merv Griffin; Tyrone Power referred to him in letters, interviews and biographies, calling him Scotty, Sonny, or just the gas station on Hollywood Boulevard. Tennessee Williams hand-wrote a 40-page story about him, which Bowers found embarrassingly over the top.

I said: Tennessee, forget that bullshit, says Bowers. I should have kept it. Instead, for decades, people pushed him to write down his own memories. I kept putting it off and putting it off, and all of a sudden, almost everyone they wanted me to write about was dead.

Lana Turner and Ava Gardner, with whom Bowers claims to have had a threesome. Photograph: Keystone/Getty Images

In 1946, the year he met Pidgeon, Bowers was competing with millions of other returning second world war veterans for work. Canoodling with a celebrity for $20 made more sense than digging a ditch for $10. After Pidgeon spread the word about his new friend, more luxury cars began to cruise by. Soon, Bowers side-hustle had expanded to a parked trailer with two king beds, glory holes in the bathroom and a battalion of good-looking men and women to fix up with some of the biggest names in Hollywood. Bowers boasts that he paired Cary Grant with Rock Hudson back when the Pillow Talk star was still named Roy, and introduced Katharine Hepburn to 150 lovely brunettes. As for Hepburns rumored paramour Spencer Tracy, Bowers says he slept with him, too.

Hepburn and Tracys complex relationship is a fascinating example of Hollywoods hypocritical and literal moral code. Publicists decided it was better to pretend the friends were having an affair than explain the real reason why Tracy wasnt living with his wife Louise, to whom he stayed married until his death. A heterosexual affair was forgivable even romantic and it wouldnt get either actor fired. After Fatty Arbuckle was put on trial for the rape and murder of Virginia Rappe, the studios began to add a clause in their contracts forbidding actors from committing any offence that risked public hatred, contempt or ridicule. While the courts found Arbuckle innocent twice the Hollywood moguls believed just a whiff of indecency could destroy the entire industry. The swinging days of the early silent era ended overnight. Performers became studio property: they were told how to dress, how to behave, and who to date, or at least pretend to.

Bowers in uniform in the 1940s. Photograph: Greenwich Entertainment

It was a lucrative lie. Roy Harold Scherer got his teeth capped and became Rock Hudson. When the tabloids began to nag Hudson to get married, the executives betrothed him to his lesbian secretary Phyllis. Archibald Leach was rechristened Cary Grant and wed to the great beauty Barbara Hutton, although the love of his life was screen cowboy Randolph Scott, with whom he lived for 12 years as a roommate. Bowers says in his book: The three of us got into a lot of sexual mischief together.

Living double lives took a toll. Eventually, Hudson began drinking a bottle of scotch a day and recklessly sleeping with strangers. Grant tried psychedelic therapy and spoke in quips that hinted at his unfulfillment. I played at being someone I wanted to be until I became that person, or he became me, he told his biographer. Even his most famous quote Everyone wants to be Cary Grant. Even I want to be Cary Grant sounds like a whispered confession, or maybe a misdirection. What if he just wanted to be as free as Archibald Leach?

Bowers bedded so many movie stars that he didnt have time to see their movies. A movie takes a couple hours. I was busy every minute. When his daughter, Donna, died, he went back to work that day. He shared a home with her mother, his longtime partner Betty, but slept there only a few times a year. In the documentary, he teeters towards admitting regret for spending most nights in someone elses bed. But he candidly admits his only true passion was money. He grew up hungry during the Depression era, and, as a young teenager, he turned tricks for two dozen Chicago priests who paid him in quarters. That would be abuse in everyones eyes but his. In the documentary, Tyrnauer repeatedly presses Bowers about his childhood, and does so again today.

Youre very intent on the fact that you dont perceive yourself as a victim, says Tyrnauer.

I did what I wanted to do, maintains Bowers.

That is not the conventional perspective at all, but it is his perspective and I dont judge him for that, says Tyrnauer. I think people get to define who they are and tell their story and express their beliefs.

Executives married off Rock Hudson to his lesbian secretary, Phyllis Gates. Photograph: Kobal/Rex/Shutterstock

I do think that different people are different, thats very true, replies Bowers. Im speaking for myself only.

As an adult at the petrol station, Bowers never took a cut of other peoples cash. To him, that meant he wasnt a pimp; he was a purveyor of joy. The most important thing was company, says Bowers. The LGBTQ community didnt have many safe places to connect at that time. Homosexuality was illegal in California until the 1970s. When the Los Angeles Police Department vice squad the sexual Gestapo, says Tyrnauer barged into a gay bar, patrons risked being arrested, shaken down for cash, shipped to a mental institution, and possibly lobotomised. The LAPD targeted the Hollywood glitterati because they had careers to protect and money to spare.

When the petrol station became too famous, Bowers became a for-rent party bartender, which gave celebrities an even better excuse to invite him into their homes. Even that was risky. One cop memorised Bowers car registration plate and would pull him over, scare him a bit, and then undo Bowers pants while complaining about his miserable marriage. I hope he found happiness, writes Bowers, charitably.

The vice squad is responsible for Bowers impressive memory. Midway through one aside, he recites the address of a silent movie star who has been dead for 45 years. Terrified of a raid, he rarely wrote down his friends information. It was all in my head, says Bowers. I never kept anything. If I wrote down a number, I had it in my hand until I tore it up. Even then, he would swap the first and last digits to ensure the persons identity couldnt be cracked, a trick inspired by the Navajo code talkers.

Now, Bowers has no secrets. Critics have slammed the book and the documentary for outing celebrities without consent. In the film, Tyrnauer includes a film fan arguing that legendary stars deserve more respect. Bowers counters: Whats wrong with being gay? Others have thanked him for sticking up for the real person underneath the studio gloss for revealing their truth the way they might have if they were alive today. It is impossible to know how Hudson and Grant would have chosen to live in a country that legalised gay marriage. Perhaps their lives would have been happier. Although, Bowers notes, even in 2018: Everythings not going to be out in the open. More actors are out, but now must prove they can play both gay and straight characters. Neil Patrick Harris has succeeded; Matt Bomer is trying. Some have decided that it is still easier to hide.

Asked if he is biting his tongue about anyone alive, Bowers blurts out the name of a beloved actor and her 169% gay husband. He is dead; she isnt. So, Bowers will wait. Let me tell you something: when youre dead youre dead, he insists. Later, when the conversation turns to Kevin Spacey Bowers claims to know one of his exes Tyrnauer steadily repeats that Bowers information about the alleged perpetrator is merely secondhand. The director is clearly, and correctly, aware of the complexities of talking sensitively about sex in the era of #MeToo. But after eight decades of secrecy Bowers sighs: Poor Kevin Spacey, he was right in the middle of a picture and they dumped him and everything. Thanks to #MeToo, morality clauses are making a comeback. This time, one hopes they will only be wielded for good.

Cary Grant (right) with his room mate Randolph Scott. Photograph: Snap/Rex Features

Hollywood journalist Liz Smith once quipped: All this crap about coming out! Honey, I dont think I have ever really been in! Before she died last November, she affirmed that Hepburn was a lesbian.

I was pleased that she went on the record about Hepburn because I dont think shed ever done it before, says Tyrnauer. It really provides a great assist to Scottys narrative about Hepburn and Tracy, because people are in willful suspension of belief about this supposed golden couple.

Even more startling are Bowers lusty tales about Wallis Simpson and Edward VIII. Wally and Eddie, corrects Bowers, waving away their formal names. It was very easy to see how she talked him out of being king of England because she had complete control over him, says Bowers. She told him if you want to fool around and do this and that, you cant do it if youre king.

Scotty Bowers at home in LA. Photograph: Courtesy of Greenwich Entertainment

A lot of people dont believe that particular story, says Tyrnauer. But he places them at the Beverly Hills Hotel in the 50s. We found a picture of them in the Beverly Hills Hotel in that period its in the movie. Four former clients knew Edward, and the couples close friend, photographer Cecil Beaton, titled an entire chapter of his diary: Scotty.

There were many, many factors that connected them, says Tyrnauer. I cross-referenced everything I could. When Bowers described a mansions winding pathway to the pool house, or a gate in a backyard, Tyrnauer would pull up an aerial view of Google Maps and there it was, as though the nonagenarian had visited yesterday.

In Los Angeles, notes the director: You can wipe the dust off something that has been obscured and find the truth. Scottys a living example of that. Here he was in Laurel Canyon for decades minding his business. And yet hes Scotty Bowers, the infamous male madame to the stars, and either you knew it or you didnt.

He has tried to ensure Scotty and the Secret History of Hollywood tells the truth instead of peddling innuendo like tabloids, TMZ, or even acclaimed smut such as Kenneth Angers Hollywood Babylon.

Am I in that, too? asks Bowers.

Tyrnauer chuckles: Maybe between the lines.

There always will be secret life happening, beams Bowers. People should do what pleases them and the other person some people just please more than a few.

Scotty and the Secret History of Hollywood is out now in the US and awaiting a UK release date

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us

[cbholganza]

Hello there, sports fans!!! After a month’s hiatus, I’m back! Like the sun after the dark of night, I’m back. Like a wave after the ebbing tide, I’m back! Like Gen Douglas McArthur wading to the shores of Leyte, I’m back! Like a plebe ordered by his upperclassman to resign, I AM BACK!!!

And what a great time to be back! Late last year, we witnessed the glitz and glam of the UAAP cheerdance competition. We ooohed and we aaahed at the non-stop drama as Ateneo emerged as the UAAP men’s basketball champions. We marveled at the shocking San Beda upset win for the NCAA cage crown. We cried for joy at the 2-win streak of the latest edition of the Gilas Team. We got our almost daily dose of unpredictable NBA action. And we gave a collective sigh of relief as the PBA teams finally got their acts together. And yes, there seems to be some development in regard the move to oust Peping Cojuangco from the POC!!! Indeed, the sports gods have been kind enough to favor us couch potatoes with a feast of tricks and treats to whet our insatiable sports appetite. Bon a petit!

Photo by Reymarc

The changing of the guards at the UAAP cheerdance competition was unexpected. The National University juggernaut had dominated for the past 4 years; and they were gunning for a golden opportunity to tie UST’s unequalled string of 5 spectacular championships from 2002 to 2006. That said, the NU Pep Squad came ready to shock-and-awe as the first presentor at the full house MOA Arena.

As always, the UAAP Cheerdance Competition is a great crowd-drawer. (ABS-CBN)

But the jinx of the first performer seemed to have cast a spell on the erstwhile-invincible troupe. From dauntless to doubtful, the NU performance tumbled with a spate of errors. From masters to mere mortals, they meekly exited the mat. Giving the rest of the teams the confidence and the audacity to perform with wild abandon. Unheralded Adamson, whose best finish by far was last year’s 3rd place finish, joins the prestigious ranks of UAAP Cheerdance champions.

A first-win ever for Adamson. (Arvin Lim)

Then, we feasted over the much-ballyhooed UAAP men’s basketball finals between arch-rivals Ateneo and La Salle. Indeed, it was a treat not for the faint of hearts. It was Ateneo’s system against La Salle’s mayhem. For foreign flavor, it was Ateneo’s Baldwin against La Salle’s M’Bala, It was the blue sky against the green forest. The crowd was loud, and the cheering merry. In the end, Ateneo got the crown, while La Salle could only frown.

Ateneo celebrates after finally copping the UAAP Basketball crown. (Inquirer)

And we still hadn’t had enough. In the rival NCAA cage league, a rampaging Lyceum quintet, unbeaten for 18 games in the elimination round, found themselves facing the grizzled champs, San Beda, for the title. Needing just 1 more win to clinch a glorious season, the Lyceum Pirates found themselves banged, bamboozled and badly beaten. The San Beda Red Lions, proud champs in 10 of the last 12 championships, banked on their championship experience and a solid defense to etch out a monumental drama-of-an-upset. From cheers to tears, the Lyceum Pirates simply unraveled. For the Red Lions, it was steady pacing, patiently learning and peaking just right on time for the games that really mattered.

San Beda displayed the mettle of champions, coming from behind to beat a heavily-favored Lyceum squad. (Inquirer)

The newest edition of the Pilipinas Gilas scored 2 dazzling wins over Japan and Taipei to land in a tie with favored Australia in the ongoing Fiba World Cup Asia qualifier. After an inglorious run in Beirut where the team got blown out embarrassingly by South Korea, the twin wins are an encouraging morale booster for the country. Here’s hoping that the year 2018 gives Gilas the right breaks.

Jason Castro led the Gilas Team to 2 coveted wins in the ongoing FIBA Eliminationion Round. (Rappler)

The PBA season is underway. It is hoped that the snaffu that led ultimately to Commissioner Chito Narvasa’s unceremonious resignation will simmer down quickly. Indeed, it was a tumultuous off-season for the PBA, after Narvasa approved what was clearly a one-sided trade for prized rookie Christian Stanhardinger. But there are new players and new alignments that make this season quite interesting. Despite the brouhaha, we just have to move on, folks.

Photo by Reymarc

And finally, in the wonderful world that is the NBA. There is never a dull moment, what with the new format for the All Star Game this week, and the mammoth overhaul of the Cavs’ line-up after a spate of losses early this year.

For the All Star Game this weekend, Lebron James and Steph Curry were named the 2 All Star Game captains in the new format after getting the most votes in their respective conferences. And – using ordinary pick-up style gym match-ups – the 2 captains get to choose who they want to play with in their respective teams. This refreshing format will see exciting new line-ups where fans’ conference loyalties are thrown out the window.

No East vs West this time. It’s a pick-up style game where we’ll see new alliances. (FHM)

Going back to the regular season, the merry mix-up of marquee players, plus the arrival of this latest batch of upstart rookies, makes for more excitement. There is unpredictability, there is great innovation, there is dazzling speed and fearsome flight in every game they play.

Mar 28, 2016; Toronto, Ontario, CAN; Oklahoma City Thunder guard Russell Westbrook (0) drives to the net past Toronto Raptors guard DeMar DeRozan (10) as Oklahoma City center Steven Adams (12) looks on during the first half at the Air Canada Centre. Mandatory Credit: John E. Sokolowski-USA TODAY Sports

And so, to my fellow couch potatoes, there is so much for us to look forward to this year. So bring out your popcorn and pour out the beer. Bring out the pompoms, the bullhorns, the gear. Keep the folks happy, so they won’t mind your mess. Make yourself comfortable, and don’t mind the rest. For the best is yet to come. And yes, you do have fresh batteries for the remote, do you?

Don’t you dare change the channel!!! (Pinterest)

I’m Back Hello there, sports fans!!! After a month’s hiatus, I’m back! Like the sun after the dark of night, I’m back.

#basketball #couch potato #NBA #NCAA. Cheerdance #PBA #sports #UAAP