#Intellectually. I have other friends who get me socially. Another who gets me emotionally | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mbti-notes · 2 years

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Anon wrote: I'm an INFJ with self worth problems and recently have made a list about what i really need from others to be my friends. I would like you to help me by reading it and telling me if this is too unrealistic?

"i need friends who I can have any type of stupid conversation with, such as big ideas, gossip, dreams of the future or planning a trip. That I'm able to connect intellectually and emotionally, who is funny and we can spend time doing nothing in silence. Who are supportive of me and wants the best for me always. Who are empathetic with others and good people. that enjoys staying in watching movies or playing games or brainstorming. or going out to a chill place to get beers and laugh together. also a person who's there when I'm feeling lonely and sad. that makes me feel like im not so alone."

for example, I know I also should be friends with sensors but i find it very difficult to connect with people who cannot engage in a more abstract or idea oriented way of talking, people who take things I say very literally. I know it's their own way of speaking and it's not natural for them to engage in abstract ideas but I find it hard to find common ground with them. I have an ISTP friend, for example, and I really love her but sometimes I'm anxious because I said something funny but it wasn't funny or interesting for her because she took my humor literally. for ex:

she: "I'd like we could travel"

me: "Me too, friend… You know what? we can do it! we can get to the airport and tell someone their flight has been canceled and get to plane in secretly. Nobody would notice! hahaha"

she: "oh… that's crazy… haha"

and then we don't connect as well as she does with other people.

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There are two issues to address:

1) Validation & Acceptance: When you have low self-worth, you have a very hard time validating, accepting, and loving yourself. Thus, it certainly helps to have someone in your corner to validate you and encourage you to accept and love yourself. Positive self-regard is a legitimate need, because it is necessary for psychological well-being, so it's not unreasonable to want someone to help you fulfill this need.

Where people generally go awry is when they expect that a friend should be perfect, i.e., that they always know what you want, always say the right thing, are always there when you need them, etc. A "good" person is not the same as a "perfect" person. A good person puts out their best effort, but that doesn't mean they always succeed or that their good intentions always produce good results. Expecting perfection is too big of a burden to place on any one person, even if they are willing to accept the burden. You should ideally have a social support network to lean on, rather than expecting just one person to fulfill your every need.

Another way people go awry is by being too self-absorbed because they are too needy for validation and acceptance. If you want to make friends with a good person and keep them in your life, it's important to remember that you also have to be a good person to them. You have to offer them validation and acceptance in return, in order to make it worthwhile for them to stick around.

2) Shame & Low Self-Awareness: When you have low self-worth, it is often accompanied by deep-seated shame about your needs and wants, leading you to hide them away for fear of being rejected for them. When you have gone neglected for a long time, you lose touch with yourself and then don't know yourself very well, unable to express your needs, desires, and feelings constructively. It makes sense that you would want a friend who can relate to you, read you well, and teach you something about who you are.

It is important to have like-minded friends because they reflect back to you the aspects of yourself that you like to see, which helps build up your self-regard. However, don't forget that it's just as important to have challenging friends, because they reflect back to you the aspects of yourself that you're trying to hide, the parts of you that you're deeply ashamed of. Otherwise, you might remain forever blind to your shame and its influence over you, thus stalling your growth.

That said, personal growth is a very long and gradual process, a lifelong process. When you have low self-worth, you need to go through a period of building up your self-regard, of feeling proud of who you are, before your ego is strong enough to confront your darker side. There's nothing wrong with admitting that you aren't able to relate to people who are very different from you… at this point in time. Being realistic about what you can handle is good. But remember that you won't feel whole until you can accept every part of yourself, shame and all.

#infj #infj relationships #auxiliary fe #self worth #self regard #shame #validation #friendship #expectations #ask

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uncloseted · 11 months

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Hii! i was wondering if you’d have any advice on my problem!

I’m worried that I can be a little dumb. I know ‘intelligence’ manifests itself in different areas and I think I’m quite creative and very imaginative, I’m also good when it comes to academia, understanding what the professors want to see and writing strong essays.

But I think my main thing is that I lack common sense, and I can come accross as very ditzy, airy fairy kinda thing. I can write decently but I struggle to express myself when speaking/ I’m also very emotionally driven so I feel like I’m terrible at any kind of debate or very intellectually stimulating conversation 😭

I feel like I physically cannot think before I speak and I always say the silliest things and it’s okay because my friends love me for it but I do feel a bit insecure about it all!

I feel like I’m that person who never gets the joke, who always gets lost and has no sense of direction, and I just overall lack common sense. Stuff that comes super naturally to others around me will simply not occur to me ever 😭 I also feel very easily confused and lost!

Also I’m a blonde girl and I’m soft spoken and have a high-pitched voice, and I feel like that adds more and more to the ditzy image (that’s a sexism problem and not a me problem, but it’s still a thing)

In conclusion I am confused and seeking ur advice! 🥰I hope you’re doing wonderful btw!

So, the first thing that comes to mind is, if you haven't already, it may be worth being evaluated for neurodevelopmental conditions or learning disabilities. The reason I mention this is because a lot of people (especially girls) grow up feeling dumb when in fact they're just struggling with something going on in their brain. Girls with ADHD often present as being "spacey" or "dreamy" or "ditzy", but that's actually due to difficulty with distractability and memory. People with ADHD in general often have difficulty in conversation because they have trouble with impulsivity and can't take a beat to let another person finish their thought or to think about what they want to say. People with dyslexia often also have a poor sense of direction, and people with autism often feel like they "don't get the joke" or that they lack common sense because they struggle to pick up on social cues. There are lots of different types of disorders that cause differences in how people understand and process information. Of course, that may not be the case for you, but I just wanted to bring it up because some people struggle with these types of issues their entire lives without knowing what they are.

In terms of what you can do to try and improve your intelligence and common sense, I think it's just about practicing those skills.

For becoming (or seeming) more traditionally intelligent:

Practice active listening: When you're having a conversation with someone else, try to make a conscious effort to listen carefully to what they're saying instead of waiting for your turn to talk. Before you respond, take a beat to process their words and think before responding. This will help you avoid saying something you wish you hadn't and give you time to figure out what the appropriate response would be.

Slow down when you talk: This kind of follows from the last piece of advice, but try to talk more slowly and give yourself time to process your thoughts as you're talking. It's okay to pause in the middle of an idea to make it clear to yourself before saying it out loud.

Start doing "intellectual things": Expose yourself to a wide range of topics and perspectives. Read books, listen to podcasts, and engage in discussions with people who are really good in this area. This will help you broaden your understanding, develop stronger critical thinking skills, and be able to be more present in conversations that are intellectually complicated.

Seek self-improvement: Take opportunities to learn and grow. Attend workshops, join clubs or organizations that align with your interests, and seek feedback on how you're doing in those environments. Putting effort into self-improvement can help you build confidence and expand your skills.

In terms of improving common sense:

Increase your general knowledge: This kind of goes along with what I was talking about before, but expanding the amount of stuff you know will give you a wider range of information to pick from when you're trying to make a decision or solve a problem. Often, what we think of as "common sense" is just someone knowing something that we don't.

Pay attention to your surroundings: Another big part of common sense is being observant and noticing environmental cues that point you in the right direction (literally or figuratively). People with "common sense" are good at noticing what the people around them are doing and making a guess on what's appropriate based on that, or noticing things like signs that are explicitly telling them what to do.

Observe and learn from others: Pay attention to the people around you who have strong common sense skills. Observe how they approach different situations, make decisions, and solve problems. Once you know how they act in certain situations, you can start to do the same in your own life.

Reflect on past experiences: Take the time to reflect on your past experiences and think about the decisions you made. Were there alternative paths that could have led to better results? This reflection can help you learn from your mistakes and make more informed choices in the future.

Engage in critical thinking: Develop your ability to analyze situations objectively. Ask yourself questions like "What are the possible consequences of this action?" or "What are the underlying causes of this problem?" Critical thinking helps you evaluate information, identify patterns, and make good judgments of the situations you're in.

Practice problem-solving: Engage in activities that require problem-solving skills, such as puzzles, riddles, or logic games. These exercises can strengthen your ability to think logically and find practical solutions.

All of that said, you don't have to be what people think of as intelligent and you don't have to have what people think of as common sense. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and it's okay to just accept that there are some things we'll never be good at and to let those things go. You're creative and imaginative and good at academic writing, and your friends and family love you just the way you are. It's good to want to improve, but it's also okay to say, "this is just how I am and I accept that about myself."

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jjofalltrades · 2 years

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Won't go into a big spiel about my burnout since the last two drafts ended up being more dramatically depressing than I cared to share. I almost went with a wildly Backstreet Boys gif to get the ball rolling, but I'll keep this newest update simple. So, let me just bullet point a list to get straight to the point. 1.) Diagnosed with extreme depression, anxiety, hypothyroidism, and ADHD with a new doctor who actually listened to me. Got myself nice and medicated to help fight off all this hormonal imbalance that was really screwing with me emotionally, mentally, and physically. 2.) My best friend and her dogs moved to my state. Even lived with us for a few months. As stressful as that change was, it's been a gift having her near me.

3.) I got hired at this amazing law firm contracted by the government. Not only does it pay better, but I love my co-workers. I'm intellectually challenged, which has done wonders for my confidence and social skills. 4.) My new daily routine allows me to wake up before the sun, eat a proper meal (3x a day), exercise, and sleep throughout the night. Which, who would have figured, has helped me lose some of the weight I'd gained during my darkest days as a stay-at-home-mom. 5.) Pushed myself to finally see a therapist who has helped me face some of the trauma I'd been packing away. 6.) I came out to my very conservative, religious, family. 7.) I planted my own garden! It's not much, mostly herbs, but I'm so damn proud of myself for reconnecting with the earth. It's led me down a more herbalist path. One, that has suddenly become a side business. I get to help heal people in more than one way and that's taught me a lot about who I want to be in the future. 8.) Lost my sister to cancer, recently. Which opened up wounds I hadn't wanted to acknowledge since I left my hometown. I had to face all that in the long car rides back there. Nothing shows you how much you've grown like stepping back into the past. 9.) The sudden death of one sister allowed me the opportunity to repair the relationship with our other sister. After admitting the awkwardness of showing affection, she voluntarily hugged me. Even told me she loved me. I don't think we ever did that before. We are planning a road trip soon with just each other, to build a new foundation of sisterhood. 10.) I came back to find a husband who faced his own reality about our marriage. How much he took for granted while I was away. He cooks, cleans, and is the primary parent who tends to all of our needs. We're celebrating our 10 year anniversary this weekend. 11.) I've always had a special relationship with my son, my first born. Unfortunately, I never got the same chance with my daughter. After she was born, I was left untreated with postpartum. I didn't think I'd get another chance to have the mother-daughter relationship I desperately wished for. But, as I've healed, we're closer. She wants to snuggle, play games, and run errands with me. We have a girls day where we spend the day doing whatever we feel like. I can't tell you how much I love her sweet kisses on the cheek and when she tells me she loves me. So, yeah, I dropped off the face of the earth. I would say I regret it, but I think it was necessary. I do plan to continue writing and completing my WIPs. I took the long road but here I am. Hello, again.

#jjclark #jjofalltrades #personal #update #depression #anxiety #adhd #trauma #healing #grief #death #family #writing #fanfiction

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cryingpaintchip · 2 years

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During my masters the harassment from Dominicans was

Do you know how to write an outline?

I went to a specialized chartered high school. My grades were great. I passed all my Regents - most above the 90th percentile. I had done so many outlines that by the time I reached college I could pump a paper out of my brain with no problems.

This Dominican that just went to school to learn paper writing skills Freshman year, asks me (A graduate student);

“Where is your outline? Have you ever learned how to write an outline?”

It’s disgusting what these people in our government let certain people get away with. The complete degradation of their American kids.

This was a woman that was proudly dating a rapist at the school and associated with guys who literally terrorized an African student out of the school because they rushed into his dorm room with ski masks waving sticks while yelling (believing it was just a prank bro) and sent him into shock from ptsd bc of the raids he endured as a child to his home when he lived in Africa.

He was such a nice guy this African student. He kept to himself and was really at the University to learn.

It was a shame when I heard he had dropped out after the incident.

Next up law school.

Most of my life I’ve used an agenda. After several concussions and being overly medicated for several “illnesses” (such as depression and anxiety) I seemed to lose my way at times when it came to academics. I was tired, sick, beaten down, alone, frustrated, very busy (taking care of my mother), abused (with people around me who belittled and mocked me), ect.

I tried to set up a group to help the situation in Cuba.

This Latino that is friends with another Dominican, he sent me an “eggplant emoji often”, asks me “Do you know how to create an agenda? Do you know what every role is for? The social chair isn’t for sending out emails regarding the agenda (even though social chair has to do with communications and marketing most of the time)

It’s hard to “stand with the latin community” when this is how you treat each other.

I’m not saying Dominicans are bad people. I’ve met a lot of amazing Dominicans that have helped uplift me in life - including my college roommate who was also in my sorority. She was a wonderful Christian joyful Dominican American that was very supportive. Some of my family members are the some of the strongest (emotionally, physically, and intellectually) people i know!

There have also been lots of very amazing Mexican Americans out there that have offered a ton of support throughout law school and helped me with my studies.

But when you’re in this culture that often is cut throat with each other Puerto Rican against Cuban and Cuban against Dominican and Dominican against Salvadorian or whatever it makes you wonder why you’d even want to consider yourself a Latina.

I’m American. I love my Americans that treat me like I’m an intelligent human being, regardless of their background or my own and regardless of what parts of the American continents you come from. Or what part of the West.

Because even the people in Cuba and Venezuela are a little coo-coo sometimes and don’t understand that they are LOCATED IN THE WEST.

So if you’re talking crap about the West you’re talking crap about your own culture and your own Hemisphere.

Most of the people I know that consider themselves American are humble.

They see the value in me.

Like my environmental law professor at times that told me to recognize my worth.

I am grateful for my mentor who is an amazing, intelligent lawyer, and activist towards Unions, equality for people of color, and LGBTQ rights - who is always there for me when I need study tips and advice. She has also put up with a lot of my annoying complaining and crap but still stays very supportive and compassionate.

I am so glad that god has introduced these people in my life.

I am resilient - as all of my fellow proud Americans at the school would tell me.

Thank you :)

I will keep trying to persevere.

Thanks for seeing me when I couldn’t see myself.

#american #latino #latina #harassment #mockery #west #western hemisphere #gratitude #africa #compassion #trauma #greatful

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ukrfeminism · 2 years

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Shonagh Dillon has become a voice for women who have been silenced by male violence.

Shonagh Dillon is a woman on a very personal mission. A feminist campaigner against all forms of male violence towards women and girls, she has set up a ground-breaking organisation that puts the victims of violence first and facilitates their journey to survival.

We chat over Zoom one weekday morning, as weak sunlight streams through the large windows of her office in Portsmouth, England. Her clothes, including Dr Marten shoes in a leopard print design, mark her apart from what she calls “corporate feminists” – those women on a very high salary who, in Dillon’s words, practise “9 to 5 feminism”.

Tall and slim with long brown hair, Dillon’s facial expressions reveal how she is feeling – anger, distress, frustration, all apparent as we talk. Her speech is often quick and urgent, her manner so animated that she almost claps when she agrees with a point I make about domestic violence or rape.

Dillon grew up in a middle-class, naval family in Portsmouth. Her mother worked hard to send her daughters to a fee-paying school. “My mum used my dad’s widow’s pension as well as taking in lodgers to pay for it,” says Dillon.

Her childhood, however, was not all plain sailing. Her father was an alcoholic, who died when she was young – “probably suicide”, she says – and she struggled with an eating disorder. “It started when I was nine years old and went on until I was about 28. In the end, I had intensive therapy to sort it out as it was exhausting to deal with.”

Nevertheless, when she was 19, Dillon won a place at university to study law.

It was during her degree that she began a relationship with a man who later broke her collarbone. She did not feel that it was unusual behaviour at the time, given all the men she knew were “overtly violent” towards women. “All the men in my circle of friends were aggressive to women. I escaped them largely because I went to an all-girls school, but when I look back at it they were all vile,” she says.

But even the broken collarbone did not persuade her to leave him. “He cheated on me so many times, and eventually left me for someone else,” she says. And when he did, he left her in debt. They had been together for two years.

Lacking self-esteem and, perhaps more importantly, the social support or intellectual framework to understand what was happening to her, Dillon fell into another abusive relationship.

“My second abusive partner was worse, I would say. He really got into my head,” she explains, describing him as less physically violent but more coercive. He was, she says, a sadist who performed “shameful” and “degrading” acts on her.

She was with him during her final two years of university. It was only when her mum saw him being abusive to her that Dillon realised “this has to stop”.

‘A space to breathe’

Shortly after, she graduated and moved to London with her sister and one of her best friends. It was 1999. “That was a great time of my life,” she says.

Her experiences of abuse had left her determined to do something to help other women and children victimised by violent men. “I wanted to give back to women and children that I knew just needed a bit of space the same way I had needed it. Just a space to breathe and feel supported. It is invaluable when you have been a victim to access a space to feel safe where the other women get it,” she says.

She started volunteering at the now-defunct Rape Crisis Centre in London. “I spoke to women on the Portsmouth helpline at the time. Supported them emotionally, gave them options on what they could do or where they could go to get more support. Sometimes it was just about listening and believing them, after all that is all women need.”

“It was in a really big house in King’s Cross,” she recalls, the warmth of the memory almost a physical presence. “I used to go late at night … we used to walk out in the middle of King’s Cross at 11, 12 at night and think, ‘Oh s***!’, but it was very safe for women.”

Her best friend, who was a childhood survivor of male violence, volunteered with her. “There was so much camaraderie on the helpline,” she says, describing how the job made her feel like she had found the women she was looking for, without even knowing she was looking.

She had experienced something that has been central to her work in the more than two decades since: the importance of single-sex spaces where women can find solidarity and recover.

‘Do her justice’

When the Rape Crisis Centre closed down, Dillon applied for a voluntary role at the Domestic Violence National Helpline. To her surprise, they offered her a paid position. She recalls attending a meeting early on where an older woman talked about the movement – the feminist campaign to end male violence – and about the women in it, and Dillon thought: “This is the thing I’ve read about! I’m in!”

Most of the calls she received on the helpline were from women pleading for a place in a refuge. “I would watch as the spaces in refuges slowly disappeared throughout the day,” she says.

Dillon recalls one woman who called back six months after her initial call to tell her that she had left her abusive partner. She says that was amazing, but in most cases, she would never find out what happened to the woman on the other end of the line. “I don’t know about so many others, or how many women were subsequently murdered,” she says, adding that she hardly ever spoke to the same woman twice.

It is the voices of these women that Dillon tries to represent in her work.

Tragically, many of them can no longer speak for themselves. Every three days in England and Wales, a woman is killed by a current or former male partner. Every morning of her working life, Dillon lights a candle and thinks of those women who have been silenced forever by a man’s fatal violence. In these cases, she regards it as her job to be that woman’s voice.

“I want her legacy to live on,” she says, quietly, “and for her to be remembered for who she is.”

One of her roles at Aurora New Dawn, the feminist charity she founded to support victims and survivors of domestic abuse, sexual violence and stalking, is to conduct homicide reviews.

Dillon can spend up to a year completing a review. Each one will involve speaking to a number of professionals but she always focuses more on the family and friends of the murdered woman.

“I tend to focus a lot on the woman’s story and try to make sure that when someone is reading the review they know who she was by the end of it,” she explains.

“If a woman is murdered then I want to be part of trying to make sure that never happens again,” she says, although she knows that because “things aren’t changing quickly enough for women” it often does happen again.

“But if I can do her justice then I will try,” she says, explaining that the purpose of the review “is to learn lessons from the homicide and recommend changes where they need to be made, both locally and nationally”.

The most recent review Dillon completed involved a woman whose life had been extensively covered in the press. But “the woman who was portrayed in the media was nothing like the woman I learned about through her friends”, says Dillon. “Even if in the report her name is changed, her friends and loved ones know that she has been remembered.” This clearly matters to Dillon, whose drive is personal as well as professional and political.

‘We all just cried’

As I know well from my experiences campaigning against violence towards women, the work is not easy. Like almost everybody in the sector, Dillon has cried and lain awake at night, hoping she has done the victims justice. “I don’t ever want to get to the stage where I can’t name every single one of those women that have been murdered by men, otherwise I will have become part of the bureaucracy of homicide reviews and that is not feminism.” So she remembers them, cries, lies awake, and the next morning, she gets up and goes back to her office.

That office is now the headquarters of Aurora New Dawn, which she established in 2011 with a budget of precisely nothing.

“We had to work out of derelict buildings initially,” Dillon says. “We had five members of staff when we moved into our first office, we then moved a further six times.”

It was tough but Aurora has now found its home in a “spit and sawdust” building in Portsmouth. Once an old brush factory, the Art Deco building is freezing in winter and boiling in summer. But the lovely big windows offer the perfect opportunity to observe people leaving both the busy mosque on the corner and the pub up the road. There are sometimes fights outside in the summer. “It’s never that bad, just lots of blokes waving their arms and their pints about. Gives us a giggle every time,” she says.

When Dillon wryly adds that “it’s a real voluntary sector office”, it sounds as though she is talking about something more than just the space – about her mission, or maybe even her home.

Since 2012, Aurora has supported almost 7,000 victims of male violence against women, relying on models that have been proven elsewhere in women’s services. When she explains that the domestic violence “car service” – where an advocate from Aurora goes out in police cars on night shifts attending domestic abuse incidents and supporting victims – is based on work I did in combination with a north London police station in the late 1990s, I feel particularly flattered.

Domestic violence advocates from Aurora work alongside police to offer independent support to the woman in the crucial hours after the incident. This has been shown to improve outcomes for women. Like many of Aurora’s services, it is simple, effective and built off the work of other organisations. “We don’t need to reinvent the wheel when other feminists have already done the work,” Dillon tells me.

But no intervention, no matter how effective, works 100 percent of the time. Dillon recalls an incident where Aurora was called out to support a victim of domestic violence but, while en route, the police called to say that the woman was already dead. “That was horrendous,” she says. “We got together in the office with the staff the next day, and we all just cried. I don’t have any shame in saying that we were in tears. It’s going to make me cry now.”

Aurora does not just support domestic violence victims. It also runs a service that supports about 120 victims of stalking each year. In 2017, it was mentioned as a best practice model by the national police inspectorate: an independent service that reviews all aspects of policing and makes recommendations for improvement.

“It is because we operate in a multiagency framework, always putting the victim’s voice at the centre of our work, reminding our partners in probation, police, etc what the victim is experiencing and what she needs,” says Dillon. “We also work with all victims of stalking not just the DV [domestic violence] cases, some of the cases of stranger or acquaintance stalking are utterly terrifying, and sometimes the victim doesn’t even know they are in danger.”

Dillon’s own family ties to the navy motivated her to develop a unique global service for armed forces personnel and their dependents. Aurora has supported more than 200 victims directly through this service, and trained more than 500 personnel, from the navy, army and the air force in domestic violence, sexual violence and stalking awareness.

Meanwhile, her legal background has led her to develop services to support women who have become caught up in the criminal justice system. These are women who are either on probation, in prison or involved with criminality in their communities. “I’m always so humbled by those women,” Dillon tells me. “They have often experienced male violence from such a young age and the vast majority should never be in the justice system at all.”

‘That’s feminism to me’

In 2016, Dillon combined her passion for education, her background in law, and her commitment to feminism by applying for a PhD. Although she was already making a difference in the lives of women abused by men, she wanted to make sure that conversations about male violence against women were being had in universities and that books on the topic were available in academic libraries.

Her PhD covered the current male backlash against the provision of same-sex services to women. She realised that women’s services were, to a degree, a victim of their own success. Having moved to a funding model where most of the money comes from “structures that we are … trying to fight against”, women’s services had lost their voice, with many departing from a feminist model, and some now admitting men to what had previously been single-sex facilities. “There’s a woolly kind of feminism in some women’s organisations,” she says. “But when you dig deeper, how many of them actually mean it?”

Setting up Aurora has come with its own challenges, the most obvious presented by angry men. “It just used to be over men’s rights activism, and now it has morphed into this,” Dillon says, a mixture of anger and frustration in her voice. Whether it is angry men or angry transwomen, she says the message is: “Women cannot and are not allowed, according to a large proportion of the male population, to have our own spaces and our own voices.”

But although she often cries and sometimes cannot sleep, Dillon remains unphased by accusations that she is a “nasty feminist”, or that by excluding men she is excluding transwomen.

“The actual hard work, the actual activism that we do, is on the ground, working with a woman who has been beaten, tortured, raped, abused, belittled and degraded, and that’s feminism to me,” Dillon says. “It is when we give her a space to be able to move away from the experiences that she has been subjected to, because of a man. That’s activism for me.”

Dillon recognises the new wave of male violence and incursion into women’s single-sex spaces for what it is: the same violence and abuse it always was. “You’ve got to ride that out or you’re not doing the activism, you’re not doing the real work as far as I’m concerned.”

I conclude by asking her what is next? “Being a CEO of a feminist charity tackling male violence has a shelf life,” says Dillion. “It is a constant battle to bring in the funds and maybe Aurora needs new blood soon. I’d love to write a book, I’d love to write several books, of course, they would need to centre victim’s voices. That would be a dream.”

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simplyotometrash · 3 years

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Some Obey Me Headcanons!

Part One!!

Lucifer

Lucifer has always been the dad sibling. After each of his brothers were “born” while they were angels, he was the one to raise and teach them everything.

It’s common knowledge that Mammon is his favorite. Even if he hates to admit it. He’s hardest on Mammon because it’s the only thing he knows how to do anymore.

Despite the fact that they don’t seem to get along because of Mammon’s antics, Lucifer only ever confides some of his most pent up feelings to the second born.

The only other person he confides in this deeply is MC.

Before the fall, Belphie was his second favorite brother. Even after things have settled after Belphie was free again, he can never look at the youngest the same.

All he wants is for his brothers to be happy and live on. Even if it means working himself into the ground for their sakes.

He doesn’t ask for help. Help has to be forced upon him.

With how much he works, even at home, it’s not uncommon to find him napping with a pen in hand at his desk and his head on his paperwork.

He wishes he had done better raising Satan. He blames himself for their strained relationship, but he feels as if it is too late to truly fix it.

Sometimes he also wishes he had raised Satan as his son and not his brother, considering Satan was born from his wrath.

Children, for some reason or another, flock to him.

His control issues and needing to know everything that happens under his roof stems from the trauma of the war, the fall, and what happened with Lilith.

It’s his deepest fear that he will lose his brothers and be completely and utterly alone.

A bisexual mess of a demon. No one can convince me he doesn’t have at least a small crush on Diavolo.

Mammon

Oh the second born brother. He just wants to see everybody happy. But he always messes up and ends up making people angry instead.

He has severe impulse control issues, hence why he’s broke all the time. It isn’t that he doesn’t want to save his Grimm, I headcanon that his sin of Greed compels him to spend. It controls him and so he struggles to keep money.

But by gods does he have great luck with gambling. Get him going and he will win big every single time.

But keep that money where he can’t just grab it or else he will be compelled by his sin to buy things.

He doesn’t even want most of the things he buys. His sin took root in that empty space left from the fall and being cast out by the one he called his father.

His sin pushes him to try and fill that void with objects and money when really he just wants someone’s love.

After centuries of being called scum and a degenerate because of something he has little control over, he gave up trying and gave into just being his sin.

He cries easy but only to MC or Lucifer. He won’t show his tears to any of his other brothers. Maybe Beel sometimes. But only sometimes.

He knows Lucifer’s most precious and deepest secrets. He’s his brother’s confidant. But he doesn’t even breathe a word of these secrets to anyone else.

He tries so hard to get attention, so he does stupid shit. After falling to Devildom, his family was changed forever. So any attention is good attention even when it’s him being punished.

MC is the one who showed him positive love and attention again. It is one of many reasons he sticks to their side like fucking super glue to skin.

He’s actually a total mom-friend, though you wouldn’t guess it. You’d think he is the type to get drunk and pass out at a party? His alcohol tolerance is actually much higher than he lets on. He cleans up and takes care of people after they’ve all passed out.

Leviathan

He wasn’t nearly as anxious and against socializing before falling to Devildom. He retreated into himself out of fear of the unknown world they had all fallen into after the war.

He has an anxious attachment style. He knows it isn’t healthy. It’s rooted in the trauma that losing Lilith created.

The longer he stayed closed in on himself, the worse his anxiety got. To the point he became a recluse.

He fears getting close to someone. He feels insecure in relationships, not just in himself. He doesn’t feel like he’s good enough.

He’s had relationships in Devildom before, but the first one ended poorly and it only made things worse for how he saw himself. The demon only dated him because of who he was, and preferred his status as the Grand Admiral of Hell’s Navy. Not as who he really is.

The few relationships that came after all ended before they really could begin because his anxiety monster was screaming that he wasn’t really good enough. That they only ever pursued him for who he was in status and power.

MC’s persistence to become his friend is what made him begin to do some self-reflection.

They tried so hard to become friends with him, they put so much effort into him, and they encourage him to just be himself. If they do all of that, maybe he really is enough as he is.

He does try to step outside of his comfort zone more because MC opened his eyes to the truth of himself.

But baby steps are needed.

He taught himself how to code just so he could make games. He got bored after making one and preferred playing to creating.

He doesn’t actually hate Mammon. Their little rivalry traces back to when they were angels and still growing up, competing for Lucifer’s attention. He actually loves his brother very much, despite how irritate he gets.

His envy is its own thing. It took root within his insecurities and has a voice all its own. It used to be so loud that he couldn’t think. But the growth he’s had since MC came into his life helped quiet that voice down a lot.

He’s closest with Satan and Asmo, feeling like he doesn’t fit with his older two or youngest two brothers anymore.

Satan

He knew from day one that he wasn’t like the rest of his brothers. He was always different. Born a demon, never once an angel. He knew that they weren’t truly his brothers.

All he ever wanted was for Lucifer to be his father. Not his brother.

Lucifer once was his hero, the person he admired and respected with all his might.

As he got older, his wrath only grew with him. And his anger at Lucifer grew as well.

He wanted to find himself as separate from Lucifer. He knew where he’d come from. But everyone treated him as if he were just some offshoot of Lucifer. He wanted to be his own person. For everyone to see that. It fueled his anger and built the wall that came between them.

He’s an excellent shoulder for comfort. He often comforts Levi when he breaks down or provides reassurance to Asmo.

These three are the middle children, they stick together.

He was alive when the Library of Alexandria was burned. Even though he wasn’t supposed to go to the human realm, he saved some texts from the library and keeps them safe.

The real reason he wears his jackets the way he does is just like when you’re in bed. If it’s full on with both sleeves, he’s too hot. If he doesn’t have it on at all he’s too cold. So one arm in a sleeve and one arm not in a sleeve.

Asmo has tried and failed to give this boy fashion help. He refuses to take it. He thinks he looked like an intellectual (for the love of god please lose the black undershirt at least, Satan).

He carries cat treats and cat food in his bag at all times in case he comes across a kitty in need.

He has sneaked many cats into the House of Lamentation. Lucifer knew the entire time but let Satan have a few days before he “found out” about the cats.

His wrath has burned strong for so long, even when he was passive, that he didn’t know what it was like to feel calm. But MC’s very presence sends a wave of peace right to his very core.

Asmo

If you’re insecure and you know it clap your hands.

Levi might seem like the king of insecurity, but Asmo takes the cake.

He masks his insecurities with what people think is narcissism and over confidence. He puts on a show so nobody knows how he really sees himself.

Lust was always shoved down his throat as sexual only. So he went with it. He was supposed to be the Avatar of Lust. To be what was expected of him and to make sure he was liked, he did what he thought everyone wanted.

And it turned him into someone he never wanted to be. He didn’t know how to find himself again.

He isn’t nearly as sexual and lewd as everyone thinks. He’s touchy and clingy, yes, but touch is his love language.

When he’s hurt or doesn’t feel well, if he’s had a bad day, if he’s sad- all he wants is to be held by the person he loves and who loves him. He wants to hold hands or link arms. He wants to wrap his arms around them all the time.

But because everyone in Devildom only saw him as a sex symbol, he had to bury his truest desires. He had a persona to keep up.

While he does love to take care of himself, he used to break mirrors because he was so sick of who he had become. It took a lot of time for him to get through it.

His MC is the only one who wasn’t tainted by his power. A power that seemed to just be active all the time whether he wanted it or not.

Everyone was all over him but it wasn’t as if he could control it. His sin was always active, it attracted people.

But MC wasn’t interested or affected.

And that was what was most attractive to him.

They saw him for who he was and encouraged him to just be the true Asmo. Not the Asmo everyone wanted to see.

He is excellent at sewing. He loves making his own accessories and clothing from his own designs.

He’s ambidextrous. You think that the king of fashion only uses one hand? Darling, if he only used one hand then his homework would never get done. He write with one hands and be painting his toes with the other.

One of the few people that can get Levi out of his room to hang out. They’ve always been close. Sometimes he does that just so the others can get Levi’s laundry and dirty dishes.

He’s the most emotionally open and stable of the brothers. He’s made peace with his inner monsters and can coexist with them. He’s also surprisingly good at advice.

Can and will break into Lucifer’s study to make the eldest relax because he’s working too har.

He has bobby pins on him at all times. Not just for fashion but for lockpicking! He can be clever and beautiful!

#obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmo

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blacksunscorpio · 4 years

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Astro Musings No. 5

Placements Most Prone to Getting Stuck in Abusive Relationships

Are usually people with Venus in Scorpio because of the intensity of how they love and the intensity in which people love them back, Venus in Libra due to their penchant for trying to see the good in those they love. Venus square/opposing Neptune, due to these natives often idealizing those who do not deserve it. Venus in Pisces, due to their savior complexes. People with Moon squaring their Mars’, or Moon conjunct/squaring/opposing their Pluto’s— often they associate pain and intensity of feeling as equatable to love. These are the types of people who feel deeply and often have a hard time entertaining the idea of love unless there is some sort of “suffering” involved.

Many with Moon or Venus squaring Saturn

Can endure the same thing/have the same habits. I’ve found with the latter two the duration of these relationships will last a lot longer. This is because Saturn adds longevity to relationships.

Nessus in aspect to Dejanira in synastry

Can also cause obsession or at its worst, abuse. Sparknotes version of the Greek myth is a wild centaur named Nessus attempted to kidnap and rape Dejanira as he was ferrying her across the river Euenos, but she was rescued by Heracles. If you’ve ever watched Disney’s Hercules, Megara is the Hollywood version of this broad. In regard to synastry Dejanira is the asteroid of the victim, especially sexual, and Nessus indicates the abuser. If this appears in synastry you can be certain two people will have some sort of abuse involved in their relationship or some sort of intense obsession with each other than may not be altogether healthy. Be careful if it aspects [in square or opposition] Sado or Algol. No bueno. If touching Chiron it there will be some sort of lesson involved. Make sure it’s one worth learning. Aspects like these in astrology can be very humbling.

Typically if One Has an Aspect Natally it Will Often Appear in Synastry With Another.

For example, One can have their Sun opposing their moon and often attract people whose moons oppose or square their sun. If one has a Mercury squaring their Pluto, they may attract someone whos Pluto square’s their Mercury. You can often always trace a synastry aspect back to one or the other person’s natal chart.

People with Venus Conjunct Lilith

Will have enormous sex appeal. Their basic femininity will be in touch with their wild femininity. If in the 10th house, they may make a career out of it. Become models or make money off their figures. One of my best friends is a porn star and has this aspect. Her ‘Only Fans’ is poppin’.

People with Sagittarius 5th houses

Can/will adopt children from other countries or have children in countries other than their native land. Angelina Jolie’s 5th house is in Sagittarius and her whole brood save for 3 are of different ethnicities. People with the same rising sign as you often deal with many of the same issues as you and therefore, can be easier to have friendships/relationships with. This is typically because two people will have the same houses/house sign cusps.

Placements That Make One Lucky

Are often strong Jupiter placements. Jupiter rules fortune and is in general a benefic planet. Wherever he touches will show growth or excess of energy. It is best when he is working harmoniously. So, Jupiter trining/conjunct/sextiling inner planets or Jupiter trining the north node. Jupiter as the most elevated planet is a good indicator of someone who often gets lucky in the nick of time. Luck often comes through at the clutch for these folks. Asteroid Fortuna, Fama, or Abundantia making harmonious/conjunctions to planets like Jupiter, the Sun, or the Moon. The Sun in the 10th house is a good indicator of someone lucky in their career. Asteroid Karma No. 3811 in favorable aspect to inner planets, and/or Asteroid Talent No. 33154 in favorable aspect to inner planets or in benefic houses.

A good place to look to see determine someone’s physical features is often their Sun, Rising, Dominant planet, or Midheaven.

Yes, I know, not very exciting but I keep telling you guys to stop ignoring your Sun. It is the most powerful Planet in your chart. However, if we were to look beyond the Sun, Your rising sign is your face. Someone with a Scorpio rising will inevitably have some sort of intensity to them. 9 times out of 10, it has something to do with their eyes. The Midheaven will also show you a bit more, usually how a person carries themselves. I often find those with Virgo or Venus Midheavens [women] are very good in heels. Good with structured walking. Men will often have model-esque walks as well. Attention grabbers. Same with those with Capricorn MC’s. Neptune MC’s have a bit of a “swagger to their walk” like they’re swimming through air. Gemini MC’s are often very light on their feet. Aries MC’s walk in a very militaristic way. Straight backed. Authoritarian. George W. Bush has an Aries MC and walks in such a way.

Psychic connections in Synastry [Platonic or Romantic]

Are usually 12th house, 8th house, 1st house, or 9th house placements/Overlays. Aspect-wise typically Moon to the lunar nodes, Uranus to the Nodes or Moon, Vertex to nodes, PLUTO, or NEPTUNE to Mercury. Mercury to Moon, Mercury to Uranus, or Neptune. These are all highly psychic points. Having these placements in synastry/overlay will usually indicate dreaming of the other person, prophetic dreams [especially if 9th house or Jupiter is involved] Knowing what the other person is thinking or gut hunches about the person’s well being. If in harmonious aspect these will make you feel closer to the person or bolster feelings of affection. In hard aspect, it can cause obsession or the other person may feel as if they are “haunting” you. Trust me.

A Singleton Planet

is a planet posited in the only sign or house of its type [element, mode, or orientation]. For example, if your sun is the only planet in a water house, or if your moon is the only planet in a sign of universal orientation, those would be singletons. Singletons are EXTREMELY powerful forces in the natal chart. They can be considered focal points of consciousness, sometimes vehicles of manifestation. They are widely understood to have extreme expressions (or repressions) which are heavily symbolic in a native’s entire life.

People with many Aries placements, strong Martian influence, [especially if in aspect to Mercury or Mars], or hard Plutonic aspects [including conjunctions] tend to enjoy more aggressive forms of music. The types to listen to heavy metal/rock or hardcore gansta rap.

Leo and Aquarius mixing in a natal chart or in the 2nd house can make someone have a bit of a “bark” like voice.

Venus retrograde natives may have had a hard time or still have a hard time in their social lives especially if it’s placed in the 11th house.

On Chiron

People with Chiron in Aries have a fear of failure. Can suffer from identity issues. They can heal by empowering others and being independent. Chiron in Taurus feel as if they never have enough. May have grown up a bit poor or might feel as if they don’t deserve nice things. They can heal by being financially responsible, but also treating themselves to something nice once in a while. Chiron in Gemini feels like no one understands them, may have suffered from feeling unintelligent or their mental pursuits were discouraged. They can heal by speaking up. Writing or singing. Translating their pain into beautiful intellectual activity. Chiron in Cancer feel as if they can’t be vulnerable They may have been made to feel ashamed of their emotions. May have suffered neglect at home, specifically from the mother. They can heal by taking care of others. Cooking. Expressing themselves to those they trust. Not everyone will hurt you. Chiron in Leo may have suffered from being invalidated in life. Feeling rejected. Having impossible standards forced on them. Not getting recognition for their talents. They can heal through channeling creativity into art. Helping others see their worth. Being playful and bold in their own self-expression. Chiron in Virgo may suffer from some sort of distorted self-image. Perfectionism or excess of criticism from others/family. As a result, they can either be extremely critical or compensate by being people pleasers. They can heal by maintaining their health and seeing a counselor [remember Mercury who rules the mind is the ruler of Virgo so mental health is NOT something to ignore.]

People with Venus in Taurus

Are actually some of the slowest moving people in terms of romance. Even more than Capricorn Venusians. They love to take their sweet time. If they were to be a Tarot card, they’d be the Knight of Pentacles. Methodical, slow-moving, careful. They are caring but terrified of choosing the wrong person, being abandoned, or making the wrong move. They study the object of their affections almost to the level of Plutonians [but without the dark appeal]. This is because they want to know how and what pleases the other person. Very traditional.

Cancerians

Are very jealous in love and can give Scorpios a run for their money.

Leo Moons

LOVE ATTENTION I've noticed even more than Leo suns. Why? Because validation is often tied to what makes them feel good emotionally [moon]. These are the people who will post about 20 snap or insta stories talking about their day.

Gemini Mars’

Have a problem with dry-snitching on themselves. This is because their drive is tied with their intellect and speech. As a result, they can often find themselves saying more than they mean to.

Aquarian placements

Are high-key opinionated but are can also be the least accepting of other points of view, especially if Saturn/Capricorn is in the mix. This is because they are fixed air. So their mindsets/intellectual opinions are hard-pressed to change. Good luck trying to win an argument with one. However, they do move on quickly because they are detached by nature.

Sagittarians/strong sag placements will often make friends the easiest out of any zodiac sign. Opinionated but their curiosity for people from all walks of life makes it easy to relate to them. Those who come after would most likely be Gemini moons or 5th House/ 11th House Leo’s.

6th house placements, especially if Leo or Pisces sits on the cusp often are very good with animals. Piggybacking on that, Piscean placements tend to have an almost telepathic ability with animals.

Cats seem to take to Scorpionic people very easily, even if the native doesn’t care for them. As a matter of fact, most Scorpionic people have a knack with animals that are nocturnal. Spiders, Owls, Cats, Foxes. These animals will likely find a Scorpio native/ those with heavy Scorpio placements out of nowhere or perhaps never bite them.

Astro Musings No. 1 Astro Musings No. 2 Astro Musings No. 3 Astro Musings No. 4 Astro Musings No. 6 Astro Musings No. 7 Astro Musings No. 8 Astro Musings No. 9 Astro Musings No. 10

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prince-of-elsinore · 3 years

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Sam and Dean: psychological analysis and headcanons

In response to this anon ask from the 66 SPN Questions:

6. Do you have any psychological headcanons (or canon interpretations) of the characters?

Anon, this is probably not what you asked for. But I started writing, and kept finding more I wanted to say, until I thought--why not just say it all? And by all, I don't actually mean all--this is by no means exhaustive. But it was a wonderful, self-indulgent opportunity to organize my thoughts on Sam and Dean's psychologies, and even find some new ideas as I was writing, and to put them out there so others can read and discuss. (Always happy to discuss any of this! Inbox is open.)

As a disclaimer, I know most of these thoughts are probably not original and may be retreads of many things fandom has been discussing for years. I'm not claiming to be breaking new ground here. Also, I sorta float backwards and forwards chronologically in my discussion--some parts pertain more to them when they're young, some to when they're older, and I don't always clarify which. Also, these are generalizations! I point out patterns I notice; that doesn't make them all hard and fast rules, because Sam and Dean are each human and complex!

Here's what you'll find below:

1. Core motivations 2. Happiness 3. Approval and secrets 4. Approval from authority figures 5. Need and attachment re: others 6. Sympathy and empathy 7. Walls—hiding vs. performing 8. Need and attachment re: each other 9. Ambitions and goals 10. Normality and monstrosity 11. Guilt and self-loathing 12. Autonomy and sacrifice 13. Personal identity 14. Concluding observation

1. Core motivations: Dean’s purpose is to protect Sam, obviously. Sam’s purpose, though a little less clear, is to save Dean. Sometimes it’s explicit, as in s3 and s9-10. But I think Sam also wants to save Dean, in general, from himself and from the life. It’s why he pushes against Dean’s obedience to their father. It’s why he tells him to get out and go to Lisa after he jumps in the Cage. At a certain point, I think Sam accepts he can’t “save” Dean without changing who he is, so he chooses to stick by him—because at least then he can make Dean happy.

2. Happiness: Dean’s happiness—or perhaps contentment is a better word—is knowing that Sam is safe and alive. Sam’s happiness is Dean being happy. In Sam’s world, things are good when Dean’s good. I think that, conversely, Dean wants Sam to be happy, and Sam wants Dean to be safe, but they both know and to an extent accept that those things are not within their control, so they focus on what they feel they can control.

3. Approval and secrets: They are each other’s north stars, guiding principles, in different ways. For Dean it’s “look out for Sammy,” for Sam it’s “what would my big brother think/do.” Dean doesn’t need Sam’s approval. Sure, he loves it when Sam admires him, but if he feels he needs to do something against Sam’s approval, he doubles down because approval from Sam is not the top priority. He’ll do what he thinks is right, especially to keep Sam safe, no matter what Sam thinks about it. Sam, on the other hand, does crave Dean’s approval and cares very much about his opinion. It doesn’t mean he won’t go against Dean (all the conflict of s1-5!), but it affects him differently. This leads to different kinds of secret-keeping: Sam goes behind Dean’s back to avoid his disapproval; Dean goes behind Sam’s back so that Sam doesn’t interfere with what he thinks needs to be done.

4. Approval from authority figures: Dean does crave approval from others—specifically, respected authority figures. The big one is obviously John. I think in a way it’s Mary, too, when she comes back. But it only applies as long as the person has his respect. Sam doesn’t crave approval from other authorities in the same way, perhaps because his primary authority figure growing up was Dean.

5. Need and attachment re: others: Sam is the only person Dean cannot live without, but he also makes outside connections of a friendly nature fairly easily. He’s the more socially outgoing brother who latches onto people like Gordon, gets friendly with Ash, and forges connections with Jo and Charlie, just to name a few (and Castiel at times—though their relationship is so inconsistent and often convenience-based I hesitate to include it in this category). Though Sam is Dean’s core need, I do think Dean thrives with other friendships. I’m not talking about found family, though I’m well aware of Dean’s tendency to call people “family” quite readily. Honestly, I think this is a manifestation of his craving for connection with others. Dean has an affectionate and playful nature, and let’s face it, Sam isn’t always super receptive to that—so naturally, Dean seeks out people who are. (I think this is also, in some cases, related to Dean’s craving for approval from others). Of course, none of those other relationships come close to the depth of his relationship with Sam, and when his relationship with Sam is at its best, I don’t think Dean really needs anything else to sustain him. But in reality, it can’t always be at its best.

Sam, on the other hand, doesn’t forge outside connections easily—but when he does, they tend to be deeper than Dean’s easy casual associations (even when Dean has real affection for someone, he tends to keep the tone of the relationship light). It’s pretty clear Sam was a loner kid, and I imagine it took him a while to find friends at Stanford, and even though he loved Jessica he still clearly kept many secrets. That’s the thing with Sam—he’s got walls. Dean’s got his own walls, but they’re different. Sam can seem emotionally open, but he protects his innermost self very carefully and rarely puts his emotions out there in a truly open way—even less than Dean does. I think this is a consistent personality trait for Sam, not one born of trauma (though perhaps exacerbated by it at times). In fact, it’s in later seasons that I see Sam finally, in rare moments, let down those walls, with Rowena and Jack. When he’s young, I think this was partially a coping mechanism he developed for hiding his desires/feelings, even from himself, because he was so unhappy with his life. It means that even though he’s an introspective guy, he’s not as self-aware as he thinks he is until he’s older and more mature. He’s very good at self-deception when he’s young, because as a thinker, he can convince himself of just about anything.

To circle back to attachment, what this means to me is that Sam, while he certainly appreciates close friendships and has a lot to offer those he cares about, doesn’t crave friends in the way that Dean does. I think he desires to be understood (this is a natural human need) but he’s much more comfortable with himself than Dean is, and is somewhat of a loner by nature. This means he’s also not (usually) going to be too affected by the status of his relationships with others. Dean is much more volatile and easily hurt by others (this is where Castiel is a great example).

6. Sympathy and empathy: On the surface, Sam appears to be the caring, sensitive brother, while Dean is brash and insensitive. This is a very incomplete picture, however. It mostly comes down to the difference between sympathy and empathy. Empathy is an involuntary response, whereas sympathy is something that a person chooses to express, though that doesn’t make it necessarily superficial—it also comes from an emotional place. Dean tends to be more empathetic, and Sam more sympathetic. Dean, despite his performative walls, is more easily affected on a visceral level by others’ emotions. He is more sensitive, more easily hurt or swayed to anger, and also more easily experiences empathy. This has nothing to do with what Dean thinks is right—it’s another involuntary emotion. He is sometimes moved to express this feeling, but he’s not generally concerned about appearing sympathetic. Sam, with his careful emotional walls, isn’t generally so viscerally affected by others, but he is kind. This is expressed as sympathy, because he cares about others’ feelings, and he wants to be good/morally right. On the one hand, it comes from an intellectual place—“it’s socially acceptable/morally right to express care for this person” (which Dean is less likely to care about)—and on the other, it is an emotional response—“I know what that feels like”—but a more regulated one than empathy, where one almost directly experiences another’s emotions.

7. Walls—hiding vs. performing: It’s interesting that both brothers have their own walls, which they construct as a form of self-preservation, but they have different levels of effectiveness in protecting themselves from outside influence. One difference might lie in what the walls were built in reaction to. Sam built his walls at a young age to separate himself from the outside world because, ironically, it was precisely what he desired, but was not allowed to have. He therefore consciously distanced himself from it, to dull the pain of not having it. The goal of those walls was to have something to hide behind, where he could remain generally unnoticed, so he could conceal his pain from outsiders and even from his family.

Dean took a little longer to build his walls—or at least to consciously do so. He already no doubt fashioned himself after his dad as a kid, and often put on a brave face—for Sam, for his father—when he was not feeling brave. He therefore became accustomed to performing at a young age, and performed many roles for both Sam’s and John’s benefit. He was unconsciously building walls with these performances, concealing his true feelings and desires. Later, I think this started to become more intentional, especially in relations with women/sex partners and especially after the Stanford split, as Dean realized how vulnerable to hurt his sensitive nature made him. It was much safer to perform all the time, and never let his real feelings show. For Dean, even more than Sam, I think he often lost sight of what those real feelings were behind the walls as he tried his best to be the performance he was putting on.

For a visual metaphor, I think of it this way: Sam is a boy at the center of a self-constructed labyrinth. He is almost always able to maintain control over how close people get (except when a few slip past his defenses, at which point he may be susceptible to manipulation). Despite all those elaborate passageways, though, there’s still Sam at the center. It’s lonely there, but he knows himself pretty well at least. Dean is a man in a mask who wants the mask to be his real face. He does everything he can to fuse himself and the mask together. They probably are fused at this point, so it would hurt to take the mask off. His memory of the face under the mask is hazy. He’s afraid, if he looks under the mask, he’ll hate what he sees. He’s lonely because no matter how close others get—and he lets them in close, can surround himself with people—none of them will ever see his true face. But he’s convinced himself it’s better this way, because if anyone saw his face, they’d hate it.

8. Need and attachment re: each other: Clearly, both brothers need each other. Sam’s need for Dean is different than Dean’s need for Sam, though. The way I see it, Dean’s need is one that requires reassurance. Perhaps it traces back to the concern about Sam instilled into him at a young age. I think it was strongly exacerbated by the Stanford split, when Dean realized his and Sam’s desires didn’t align. In Dean’s mind, Sam left once and can do it again—he’s always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sam, on the other hand, has always been able to rely on Dean as a rock, a constant in his life—to the point that, in a way, he takes it for granted when he’s younger. Not in a spoilt, ungrateful way, but in that way that we, as children, might take our parents for granted—they’re always going to be there, right? That’s why, on the few occasions where suddenly, Sam isn’t sure of Dean’s devotion, the rug is ripped out from under him and he’s completely adrift and distraught—seasons 4 and 8 come to mind. Sam needs to be the center of Dean’s universe. When he fears that that’s shifted, that Dean hates him or has chosen someone else over him, it turns Sam’s whole world upside down. For Dean, the fear is that Sam will leave, but it’s a constant, background worry. For Sam, the fear is that Dean will hate him, but since he can usually count on Dean to be obsessed with him, it only comes up now and again. Only Dean can truly hurt Sam, while Dean is vulnerable to hurt from others—though, as always, the deepest hurt can only come from Sam.

9. Ambitions and goals: Sam is the one with greater needs and ambitions outside the scope of their relationship. For Dean, if he’s got Sam and he’s got hunting, he’s content. His greatest accomplishments are taking care of Sam and saving people, and that’s all he needs. I see Sam as craving other sources of fulfillment, though—academic/lore study for its own sake (the pursuit of knowledge), and a leadership/mentorship role. I thought it was very fitting that Sam finds these in late seasons, with leading hunters against the BMOL, then leading the apocalypse AU hunters, then mentoring/nurturing Jack. Dean has always had (and needed) a mentor/leadership/nurturing role with Sam, but Sam also thrives when he’s able to step into that role for others.

10. Normality and monstrosity: I’m just going to link to this post rather than repeat myself.

11. Guilt and self-loathing: This is something they both struggle with and at times, are defined by, but it manifests differently. I think their Hell traumas exemplify their different brands of guilt: for Dean, it’s perpetrator’s guilt. He knows he did something terrible and feels he can never atone for his past actions. For Sam, it’s victim’s/survivor’s guilt. He may not have done anything wrong, but there’s a certain amount of self-blame, especially for perceived weakness. This is another theme for Sam; one of the main faults he sees in himself is weakness—too weak to save Dean from Hell for instance—and as a result tries to shoulder things alone (killing Lilith, Hallucifer, etc). Sam has a need to fix things, to prove to others and himself that he is capable. Dean, I think, sees his main fault as neediness, but really, it’s a deeply buried sense of innate worthlessness. He was taught from a young age that his brother’s life—not his own—was of the utmost value. He internalized that his life was only worthwhile if he could save others, and has trouble with the idea that he, himself, has value beyond what he can do for others.

12. Autonomy and sacrifice: The above leads Dean to have a very constrained sense of his own autonomy. In general, he values duty/loyalty to others over autonomy (although when it comes to cosmic beings, he’s all about free will—see this post if you want more thoughts on that, and Sam’s autonomy). Often, his desire to control others comes from a place of frustration when Dean feels they are neglecting duty/being selfish. I think partially duty towards others is really a deeply ingrained value for him, but there may also be some buried jealousy at play, in that Dean wishes he could act with more freedom, put himself first every once in a while, but doesn’t know how to. Sam tends to value autonomy over duty (this doesn’t mean he doesn’t believe in any sort of responsibility—he’s willing to sacrifice for the greater good, after all). This means he also tends to respect others’ autonomy, though we all know he can get plenty unhinged where his brother’s safety is concerned. The theme of Sam and autonomy has been talked to death so I’ll stop there, but you can click the link above if you want more.

13. Personal identity: One of Dean’s biggest struggles is with how much of his personal identity is received rather than self-determined. He is tasked with taking care of Sam and he is trained to be a hunter; these become the foundations of his identity. He says it himself: taking care of Sam is not just what he does but who he is. Then in season 3, his own subconscious mocks him for his lack of originality, styling himself and all he loves after his father, showing that this is a source of deep insecurity. This discomfort with himself contributes to his fear of being abandoned and left alone with himself. He doesn’t know who he is without Sam—or rather, is convinced he is nothing without Sam, which is why he fights so hard to keep him by his side. It also contributes to his general desire for friends, or better, family: people who won’t abandon him.

Later in the series, I think Dean has come to embrace his genuine self more. He’s nerdy and excitable and playful—and I don’t see this is as regression, but rather a healthy embracing of what makes him happy—not tastes inherited from his father. If it seems juvenile, it’s because it’s the first time in his life he’s allowed himself to express and explore these things. I think his relationship with hunting is also healthier; it’s no longer something he does because it’s the only thing that can give him worth. He does it because he believes it’s right and genuinely wants to help people. He has a more complete sense of self, and while it’s still totally tied up in Sam, he has gained some self-worth.

[I should note that basically everything I’ve written about Dean supports the headcanon that Dean has BPD—a headcanon I accepted after I realized this. For some more great writing on Dean and BPD, see this post by @venhedish.]

Sam has always known what he wanted for himself and rejected what was given to/allowed him. Wanting what he couldn’t have, from a young age, helped him develop an individual sense of self, not defined by others. I think it’s this difference in their sense of individual identity that leads some viewers to think that Dean loves Sam more than Sam loves Dean. He doesn’t, and losing Dean is just as huge a loss and a grief for Sam as losing Sam was for Dean. Dean is central to Sam’s life, and he can’t feel complete without him; however, his identity and every desire has never revolved as entirely around Dean as Dean’s has around him, so Sam has a foundational sense of self that even losing Dean can’t completely destroy. It’s what allows him to rebuild in grief and carry on (whereas I have no doubt Jensen’s right and Dean would waste away in the back of a pool hall without Sam). Dean’s central role in Sam’s life never disappears, though, and it is, in fact, what allows Sam to carry on; an effort to honor his brother’s memory, living in a way that would make him proud. There’s continuity in that for Sam; the craving for his brother’s approval and happiness never disappears. Seeking those things is what makes Sam happy, both in their domestic years together before Dean’s death and in the years after. They are both, after all, co-dependent!

14: Concluding observation: Sam and Dean have many similar issues, desires, and insecurities: the desire for a normal life, the fear of their own monstrosity, the desire for love and friendship, their need and love for each other, their desire for approval/to be admired, resentment at their childhood, the feeling of being impure and unworthy, the desire for freedom, issues with bodily autonomy. Sometimes these are seen as the purview of one brother or the other exclusively, but that’s almost never true when you consider canon as a whole. The difference is in how these things are internalized, sublimated, reflected, and expressed for each of them. It makes sense they would struggle with so many of the same things, because their lives are deeply intertwined and they are in the same boat most of the time.

#spn meta #sam meta #dean meta #sam and dean #winchester brothers #my meta #the brodependency #long post #spn

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lyrebirdswrites · 3 years

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not me drawing and interpreting proper astrological birth charts for the jjk main trio now that the official fan book finally gave us their birthplace in addition to their birthday 👀

Explanation under the cut! (edited to be more beginner friendly)

Quick disclaimer ig: this is just my personal interpretation of these placements. If you read the way I describe something and you think to yourself “hang on, I have this placement and this doesn’t sound like me at all” that would be because a) I am an amateur astrologer and I do this for fun, I don’t know everything about every sign/planet, and b) no placement exists in isolation - it’s influenced by the house it’s in as well as any other planets aspecting it - so it’s possible that the placement manifests in a less conventional/standard way due you because of such factors.

EDIT: my first draft of this post was not super beginner friendly so here’s a quick astrology 101 to help people understand wtf I’m talking about. Skip to the next photo if you don’t need a primer.

Everyone has ten main planets in their birth chart, each of those planets will fall under a different sign depending on when and where you were born. The planet governs an area of your personality, the sign shows what that area of your personality is like. Some quick definitions of the relevant planets for this post:

Sun: the one everyone thinks of when asked ‘what’s your star sign’. Your basic personality, your core, your ego.

Moon: symbolises emotion, intuition, your private internal world, and how feelings are expressed.

Mercury: symbolises communication, intellectual reasoning, and how you learn.

Venus: symbolises romance, aesthetics, how you socialize, and pleasure-seeking behaviours like shopping or sightseeing.

Mars: the source of your passion/drive/motivation. Symbolises where and how you expend your energy.

Retrograde: not a planet, just something the planets do sometimes. At some points in the year the planets look like they’re moving ‘backwards’ through the sky, and this alters their influence on the birth chart.

I think that’s probably enough but shoot me an ask if you’re curious/confused! I’m always happy to talk astrology (clearly lol)

Megumi... I always suspected he had scorpio influence somewhere in his chart and turns out I was right!! Not only scorpio venus but scorpio mars too?? I’m obsessed with this. Scorpio is a water sign (read: big on emotions), the embodiment of the phrase ‘still waters run deep’, and though scorpio placements are not always loud about their affection they tend to bond in a pretty intense way with their chosen people. Those venus and mars placements together really do speak of ride or die devotion - no wonder he’s Like That when it comes to Yuuji people he cares about.

His jupiter and saturn are both in retrograde; I would not have predicted it because I don’t think about natal retrograde all that much, but it actually makes a lot of sense imo. Retrograde jupiter usually indicates someone who is internally very philosophical in the sense that the person will define their own firm moral/ethical code instead of following a familial or societal belief system, which is pretty much megumi ‘I save people according to my own conscience’ fushiguro in a nutshell. While retrograde saturn is basically like. On the outside you’re stoic but on the inside you’re a worrywart, and you take responsibility Super Seriously but you also don’t like people with authority pushing you around needlessly. Which is also megumi in a nutshell lol.

His leo moon was a surprise but I honestly think it works for him because this is definitely where Unhinged Feral Megumi comes from: when he decides to go all out he gets such a flair for the dramatic. capricorn sun and capricorn mercury are pretty intuitive tbh, he really gives off capricorn vibes - practical, reserved, loyal, ambitious and tenacious, possessing a dry wit, capable of putting in steady hard work to get to where he wants to be.

I was already aware of Nobara’s leo sun because we’ve had their birth dates for a while now (birthplace is the new info which lets me draw the whole chart). But her cancer moon is such a lovely placement under that hard outer shell of hers. Nobara seems like she does not have a nurturing bone in her body, but it’s wrong to stereotype cancers as exclusively homebody motherly types - they have deep loyalty for their chosen family/home and they’ll go to the ends of the earth for those people in their own way whatever that may be... she really is a softie deep down 🥰 she really does care 🥰 thinkin about the end of her ch 125 flashback in this context

Nobara’s virgo mercury is actually kind of funny to me because while it indicates a natural gift for intellect and a talent for sorting out the fine details, it also has the potential to make someone a harsh critic who can nitpick and be quite blunt in stating their opinions... this is very Nobara, she does Not spare the feelings of anyone she is talking to lol.

Libra venus!! She has libra venus that’s so perfect!!! this placement is sophisticated and charming and always classy, these people adore that classic chocolates-and-roses romance but they turn love of all kinds into an art form. Traditionally the placement is also associated with people who care about beauty and harmony, who will go out of their way to look good for their companions. Also her leo mars... I love that. It’s really amplifying her bold outspoken flashy self-loving take-charge nature. Queen energy right here.

She has a bunch of natal retrogrades but the one I want to talk about is retrograde uranus... this one is Very fitting and again almost funny in the context of her character. You know how she’s always convinced she’s the only sane person in the room when actually she’s the unhinged one 24/7 and not self aware about that in the slightest? Yeah. That’s big retrograde uranus vibes.

Oh Yuuji... I could talk about your pisces sun all day 🥺 I could get Very technical and meta about the pisces association with the twelfth house and the fact that it’s ruled by neptune and what that says about his character, but I don’t have the room or the time so I’ll save that for another post. For now I’ll just say that the fact that he cares so deeply for others regardless of how well he knows them, the way he feels his feelings so intensely and is very intuituve/sensitive to others needs, him being interested in the occult before he ever found Sukuna’s fist finger, it all just seems more pisces to me than any other sign. And him having pisces mercury + pisces uranus in addition to his sun is also very sweet... our boy really thinks with his heart at all hours of the day doesn’t he?

His libra moon is such a fitting placement, too, because this moon is all about relationships - not just romance but bonds of all kinds, friends and family and companions of any sort. Yuuji as a character is so motivated by the bonds he shares with others and his desire to not be alone, especially on his deathbed. Libra moons are charming and personable and find it very easy to connect with others, they are deeply concerned with justice and will be accepting of everyone except for people who are cruel (exhibit a: just look how he responded to mahito). I think it’s a very apt moon for him to have.

Tbh if I were picking and choosing I might have loaded him up with yet more pisces energy and given him my favourite placement in the whole world, venus in pisces. But he actually has an aquarius venus and I think that’s so interesting! The part of this placement that speaks to his character for me is the way that aquarius venus love is defined by radical acceptance - there is never any judgement (I won’t judge you, Junpei!), because this venus seeks not only to see and understand but to be seen and understood in turn. Some say aquarius venus is an emotionally detached placement. I think that’s a mischaracterisation, but it is true that aquarius placements can be low key scared of intimacy and vulnerability even when they crave it lmao. An aquarius venus will sort through turmoil in their heart by retreating to think it over in isolation, rather than by submitting to the mortifying ordeal of being known and reaching out. Manga readers if u know u know

All I can say about his capricorn mars is that it definitely embodies that determined protagonist vibe. Thoughts like ‘I want to get stronger, I want to be the best, I’ll put in the work to come out on top’ are very capricorn thoughts to have, and the drive and forward momentum associated with mars really push them to the front of his character. But also, again; an underdeveloped capricorn mars under stress will shut out possibilities for connection with loved ones by dedicating themselves to their job or cause. Yuuji learn healthy coping mechanisms challenge 2k21.

#I’m surprised all the placements mapped on to the characters so well!#especially since I’m sure akutami was not manipulating their birthday/birthplace to fit western astrology #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #fushiguro megumi #megumi fushiguro #kugisaki nobara #nobara kugisaki #itadori yuuji #yuuji itadori #itadori yuji #yuji itadori #jjk meta #this was fun I can’t wait to do more once the official fan book comes out #jjk astrology #originalcontent #long post

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amerrierworld · 3 years

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Oh, brother

for the request: Galadriel and her brothers

Summary: Galadriel’s surprise birthday bash! Modern AU

Characters: Galadriel x Celeborn, a whole lot of Silmarillion and LOTR elves :D

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: none really, family fluff, annoying older brothers. a whole lot of blondes.

If there was one thing Galadriel couldn’t stand, it’s surprises. She likes to know when things happen and have everything planned out. If she had the choice to foresee the future, she totally would.

But Celeborn wasn’t like his wife. And he really couldn’t refuse three ruthless blondes from barging into his home to throw a surprise birthday party for Galadriel, their baby sister. They would’ve broken the door down anyways.

It was a weekday, so of course Galadriel was working. Celeborn had taken the day off to pick up the cake that Galadriel had chosen for herself, and pick Celebrian up earlier than usual from school to help get a few decorations. The decor included a handful of balloons, and some party hats, which were mostly for their daughter than for Galadriel herself.

The door practically shook in its hinges at the sudden knock later that afternoon, making Celeborn jump. If it had been Galadriel, he would have been worried, but she had said she was working late. So who on earth...

“Celebooooooorn!”

“Oh... great.” Celeborn sighed and cursed internally. He set his laptop aside next to where Celebrian was colouring and hurried to the door, bracing himself.

“Is that Uncle Angrod?”

“Sadly.. yes,” Celeborn grumbled. He opened up and nearly fell back at the sight of three grinning faces. They were carrying large plastic bags and a few gift bags, and he immediately regretted opening the door.

They pushed inside, with Celebrian jumping into one of her uncles’ arms without any preamble, and Celeborn had a looming sense of dread about why they had shown up randomly at their home.

Finrod was the eldest, and the more approachable of the three. He explained their plans to set up a surprise party.

“You know she hates surprise parties! The actual birthday dinner is this weekend, you know that!”

“Yes, yes, we know, but we figured we’d do something different this time.”

“Why?!”

“Galadriel works wayyy too much, Celeborn,” Aegnor huffed, flopping down on their couch. His blonde mullet was sleek and straight, and Celeborn caught a section of pure white that shot through one side of his hairdo. Another last-minute dye job, no doubt. “You both work way too much. If you’re not going to do anything about it, then we will.”

“She’ll kill us all.”

“Yeah, that’s fine. Come on, help me with the disco ball.”

“The disco ball?!”

Galadriel knew what was going to happen the minute she pulled up to her home. If the half a dozen extra cars in the street didn’t say anything, the flashing lights from the living room window gave enough away. She sat inside her car, genuinely debating if she should speed away and just come back in the morning, leaving Celeborn to deal with the aftermath of what looked like an attempt at some sort of party.

But then she remembered her chosen cake and pursed her lips in defiance. She had been very excited to eat it, and curl up with her own family to just watch a silly movie the rest of the night. She’d find a way to enjoy her birthday, even with her nagging extended family.

But the first person who greeted her at the door wasn’t her husband or any of her relatives. It was Gandalf, with a butterfly painted on his cheek and a top hat on his head. He had a juice box in hand and pulled her into a hug when he saw her in the hallway.

“Happy birthday, dear friend!”

“Oh, Gandalf. What have you done?”

“For once, this idea wasn’t mine. I was simply invited.”

“I’m sure you arrived on time.”

“I always do!”

He promised there’d be no fireworks this time; when he had set off his pyromaniacal schemes last, poor Radagast’s hedges and flowerbeds had burned to a crisp.

In the kitchen, Celeborn was nursing a wine glass filled with apple juice. Galadriel didn’t see any alcohol opened anywhere, which did help relieve her stress. He saw her come in and his face scrunched up in an apologetic expression, and it made her laugh.

“My love.. I’m so sorry-”

“Don’t start, Celeborn. What’s done is done. I suppose I’ll be forced to enjoy my birthday now?”

He grimaced and sipped his drink a little more. “If it helps, Celebrian is enjoying herself immensely.”

“Oh, is that right?”

“Orodreth is here. I promise everything is family-friendly, even if it is a little... wild.”

“Was the disco ball Aegnor’s idea?”

“Yes.”

“Of course.”

Galadriel’s siblings were all successful, hard-working people. At least, when they were on their own. Once you put the three brothers together, all hell would break loose. Despite their sheer differences, they were able to put things together and become a team. Often to the dismay of their younger sister who had to endure the torture.

Finrod was the eldest, and therefore the most responsible. He was a successful CEO who took his time to travel and explore every corner of the world. He was stern-faced, and defiantly defensive of his family and his life choices.

Angrod was the middle brother, and the most outlandish. His passion could lead to anger very quickly, but it made him the most emotionally expressive. His son was practically the sheer opposite of him. Orodreth was a little older than Celebrian, and very soft-spoken and quiet. He was incredibly gifted and intellectual, but you would never be able to read his face and discern that yourself.

And Aegnor was the unhinged youngest brother. As an artist and creative thinker, he explored one medium of art to the next. Galadriel believed he had a lot of potential, and being the two youngest they bonded and got along very well. But she had no idea where his life would lead him. One week it would be pottery, the other it would become architecture. But he was kind and encouraging, which made him the most favourable to babysit Celebrian out of the three uncles.

But once put together, all precedented rules of their characters went out the window.

Eldalote was in the bathroom giving people painted faces, and Galadriel assumed that was where Gandalf got his colourful butterfly. She knocked on the door and came in on Orodreth getting a big fish painted on his forehead. Her daughter was watching diligently next to her aunt as she painted. She had a large flower and heart on one cheek, and a party hat tied snugly on her head.

The minute she saw her mother she squealed and ran into her arms. Galadriel picked her up swiftly, and suddenly felt she couldn’t be mad at her brothers anymore. Nor could she be mad about them getting ahead of themselves and starting the party before she got home. It made it easier to blend in rather than have all the focus on her as soon as she had opened the door.

“Hello, sweetheart,” she nuzzled her daughter’s unpainted cheek who began babbling about the party thus far. Orodreth said a shy hello and wished her a happy birthday. Galadriel wondered how her idiot, reckless brother had ended up with such a diligent and sweet son. Nonetheless, she gave him a hug before Celebrian tugged her back to the living room, where the main socializing seemed to be happening.

The three elder brothers were plotting in a huddled group near the disco ball, and as soon as they saw Galadriel, they swarmed her. Aegnor set Celebrian on his hip, and Celeborn rushed to Galadriel’s side, still looking a little forlorn and guilty for letting the party get so rowdy.

“Sister! Happy fucking-”

“Hey! There’s kids.”

“Sorry. Happy freaking birthday, sis. Do you like our party?”

“I hate it.” Galadriel crossed her arms, but her eyes were twinkling. “You know how I hate surprises.”

“Hey, that’s why we’re not giving you a speech, alright? You should thank me.” Aegnor bumped Finrod with his fist. “Fin was planning on drawling on for forever if we hadn’t stopped him.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Finrod rolled his eyes, but he gave Galadriel a quick side hug. “We know you never celebrate yourself, Galadriel. So this is for you. We practically had to tie down your husband to let us decorate.”

“I mean, clearly.” Galadriel looked at the overwhelming amount of paper decorations and bright balloons. “He’d never allow it to look so hideous if he could help it.”

“You wound me, sister,” Angrod clutched his chest.

“Your cake remains untouched though,” Celeborn pointed out. “That’s the one thing I was able to protect. The rest of the house.. not so much.”

“Oh, well I suppose that’s alright,” Galadriel sighed. She watched the small group of friends and other people in her life gather in the living room and other spots in the house. The music was cheery but not blaring. And from the looks of it.. people brought their own dinner items, like an impromptu potluck.

Elwing and Earendil came over to greet Galadriel with happy smiles and a congratulations. The couple were constantly glued to each others’ side, and Galadriel was glad to have another set of seemingly sane parents in their social circle.

Their twins, Elros and Elrond, were sprawled out on the carpet with Lego and toy cars. Elrond’s face had been smeared with cupcake icing that he had scarfed down, and Galadriel watched, amused, as her daughter went over to him, tutting like she often would. She had a napkin in hand and proceeded to wipe his face, effectively smearing the icing even further onto his cheeks.

The sight made her chuckle, and the initial stress she had seemed to finally leave. She supposed she could enjoy as much of it as possible.

“To be fair, this party is looking to be the best I’ve ever had.” She looked around, slipping her hand into Celeborn’s. “Food I don’t have to pay for. No idiot college friends or condescending relatives. Kids who are actually enjoying themselves? I’d rank this in the top five, boys.”

“Then our work here is done!” Aegnor declared, bouncing Celebrian who giggled happily in his arms. “Now let’s get that cake.”

“Nuh-uh,” Galadriel wagged a finger at him. “That’s for me and my family alone. There’s enough food for you behind you. Go on, you swine.”

Aegnor stuck out his tongue, and she swatted him. He went off to explore the dishes that were laid out on the dining table. So did the rest of the group; going to get their faces painted or wolf down whatever fatty snacks were in reach. Galadriel turned to her husband and gave him a firm kiss.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t defend our fortress, my lady,” he sighed. She rolled her eyes.

“It’s quite alright. I’m not angry. Maybe because I was met with a very gleeful Gandalf at the door rather than my overbearing siblings. Besides, we didn’t even have to cook.”

He laughed. “I knew that would be the thing to win you over.”

A/N: I love these guys ;-; This is my character interpretation of Galadriel’s brothers/family in a modern AU. I posted this out of order for CB’s birthday- I finished it over a week ago but then I realized how close it was to the 14th so I just waited! I hope you enjoy my loves

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vivithefolle · 3 years

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Hi Vivi, can you share some thoughts on the "Hermione deserves to be/should have married to XYZ because she is way too good for Ron" mentality of this fandom??

I’m gonna copy-paste a Quora answer of mine, because recycling is important!

Claiming that Ron is “out of Hermione’s league” is a statement rooted in sexism, classism and probably a bunch of other -isms.

It might seem like I’m just throwing buzz-words around but let me explain.

First off, the sexism.

Oh, the sexism.

As I’ve pointed it out in yet another one of my answers (I’m so sorry for drowning you all in a plethora of links), Ron is very much a female-coded male character.

Ron is emotional, wears his heart on his sleeve, has anxieties and inadequacies, walks off in order to cool down, has a temper, puts other people before his needs, and pretty much adopts Harry when he rescues him in the second book. He’s the Heart of the Trio: he doesn’t rely on sole logic, he can believe something without proof, he is sensitive and thus is the easiest to hurt emotionally.

Whether you call it a “beta male”, a “wuss”, “defying gender roles” or a “soft boy” is your own business, but the core of it is that Ron doesn’t meet the standards for people’s vision of a “desirable” masculine figure.

The little things Ron quietly performs in the books - when he helps Harry into his pyjamas in Chamber of Secrets because Harry’s arm is bloop; when he’s worrying about Hermione’s whereabouts in Prisoner of Azkaban; when he helps Harry unwind after his visions in Goblet of Fire; when he puts food onto Harry’s plate and wakes him up from his nightmares in Order of the Phoenix; when he beams that Hermione was “perfect, obviously” when she passes her Apparition test - all those caring gestures don’t seem like much, but if you bother to think about it, they paint an enormous picture.

Who gets Hermione to stop overworking while making her feel good about her accomplishments? Who comforts Harry from his nightmares and cares for him in the dead of the night, when nobody is awake? Who makes sure his friends are healthy and happy? Who wards off the dark and depressing thoughts, be it with his fists or a joke?

It’s Ron.

When you think about it, “traditional masculinity” in Harry Potter is as much frowned upon as “traditional feminity” is - which sometimes bites Rowling in the butt when you remember how she obviously seems to consider that Hermione and Ginny are the only desirable kind of girls.

Vernon Dursley? The entrepreneur “king of the household” prejudiced suburbian middle-class Dad? Fits in the usual tropes of traditional masculinity.

Dudley Dursley? The typical “boys will be boys” spoiled middle-class only child who’s the apple of his parents’ eyes and even takes up boxing, as if he wasn’t traditionally masculine enough.

Draco Malfoy? See Dudley, but toss in “upper-class posh aristocrat bully who doesn’t like to get his hands dirty so he has henchmen do it for him because he’s too rich for this sh-t”, would remind you of a few Christian Greys or Gatsbys.

Dolores Umbridge? Oh no, cat pictures, decorative plates, talks to teens as if they’re babies and PINK, SO MUCH PINK!!! So disgustingly feminine!!

Rowling very much frowns upon traditional gender roles - with Molly Weasley being an exception because Rowling feels very strongly about being a mother, and relates to Molly a lot.

Right - so, being a beautiful mess of paradoxes and contradictions (a “soft boi” who also punches bullies in the face, a fussy mother-hen who swears like a sailor, a tall athlete with badass scars on his arms who’s nurturing and sweet; in short, a wonderfully human character), Ron is obviously going to be a polarizing character. You painfully relate to him and get defensive when he’s criticized, you feel his characterization hits a bit too close to home so you hate him, or you disregard him completely because you can’t see anything “special” about him…

Now, onto another very, very sexist point that is often made.

People say that Hermione “deserves better” than Ron, often claiming that they “aren’t intellectual equals”, then citing Harry (who is mistaken as being some sort of slumbering genius but honestly, the kid is really a bit daft) or Draco (since apparently, being rich must equal to being intelligent) or, god forbid, Snape (because he’s a teacher and teachers are meant to be clever).

Soooo, I could go the loooooong way and pull out all the receipts that prove that none of these characters are perfectly intellectually matched to Hermione…

Or I could go the long way and simply give you this: this obsession with finding an “intellectual equal” for Hermione reflects the mentality of “women are not allowed to be better at something than their husband”.

Yep.

A woman has to be all-around pretty good at everything, whereas a man has to be the absolute best in his area of greatest competence (surely better than any puny female!) with a help-meet there to compensate for his weaknesses. People are very, very uncomfortable when Ron and Hermione reverse this dynamic. Hermione is extremely intelligent and dedicated to intellectual pursuits, but is complete pants at things like self-care and people skills. Ron is bright enough to keep up with her and strong in her areas of weakness.

Even if Ron was as dumb as a sack of rocks (he’s not), his other virtues are more than enough to “justify” Hermione loving him. (Because she needs an excuse?) But no. A woman has to be with a man who outdoes her in her area of greatest strength. - credit to @lytefoot

People don’t want Hermione to be with a man who’s her “equal.” They want her to be with a man who can be The Man so she can know the contentment of being The Woman.

But, with this sexist line of thought, how do we justify how Ron is supposed to be such a bad match for Hermione? Because if it was just about mere sexism, Romione would surely be more popular. Imagine! Ron happily raising the children, being a house-husband and proud of it, while Hermione is out there fighting for justice in the wizarding world! What a power-couple, defying norms and gender roles and not being the least bit conscious of it, prime OTP material for sure! So why do people still want Hermione to put Harry, Draco, or god forbid², Snape in Ron’s place? Is this an irrational hatred of redheads? An Harmionian’s delirious wet dream? A failure to separate the actors from their characters?

It’s all this and, quite frankly, something more: the inherent classism that comes with Ron’s status as an explicitly working-class coded character.

I know, I know, “Vivian! Calm down with the buzzwords, you’re starting to sound like an online pretend-feminist magazine!”

Or “Come on, people who don’t ship Ron and Hermione together aren’t all sexist or classist!”

Of course, of course! I know that! I’m not implying that!

But some of the “reasons” why they claim that Ron and Hermione can’t work - are extremely classist in nature, that’s just it!

Come on, think about it! What are the Number Ones arguments people always pull against Ron? Or the most common Ron-bashing tropes (look at fanfics and watch the number of stories that use at least one of those)?

Ron is stupid/mediocre

Ron is lazy/useless

Ron resents his wife’s hard work/success

Ron is a homophobe

Ron is a drunkard

Ron (the big prude who at 16 had never kissed a girl and sees a first kiss as the prelude to a wedding) is massively oversexed and cheats on Hermione with anything that moves

Not only do these “reasons” completely ignore ALL OF RON’S CHARACTERIZATION - except for the “lazy” bit but come off it, all teenagers are lazy and Hermione’s the exception to the rule - but it matches perfectly with the negative stereotypes associated with working-class white men in fiction.

It’s also very funny to note how many (assumedly middle-class or financially secure) fans look down on Ron for being “whiny” or “greedy” when he expresses the desire to have money of his own, or blame his parents for “not knowing when to stop” or “being irresponsible”, or even look down on them for being “too proud to accept help”!! Also how shocked people are when Ron dares to stand up for himself when Hermione or Harry act badly towards him. How dare this country boy not listen to the wisdom of his social “betters”?

So, obviously, because our Heroine can’t go with a Nasty, Mediocre Working-Class Man, she must be paired off with someone of Proper Status: say, a Hero that was raised in a middle-class home and might be a bit psychologically damaged but it’s nothing all those gold coins in his vault can’t fix; or this Rich Posh Aristocrat who actively rooted for her death, he’s a little bit eccentric and has some exotic pet-names to call you, but I’m sure you’ll learn to love him and will unearth the gold coins in his bank account… I mean, the heart of gold that lies within the surface; oh, why not a Way Too Big An Age Difference Teacher if you’re looking for a “cultured man” who has zero things in common with you; we can also bring Convenient Plot Device Famous Rich Foreign Athlete if you want some diversity and you don’t feel original!

But we can’t - oh, we mustn’t let her be with this Terrible Working-Class Boy! His brothers are fine, they have money, they have jobs, so they’re obviously Not As Mediocre. But let our precious Hermione be with this Just-Got-Out-Of-School hooligan? She can’t possibly be in love with him! You’ll see darling, you’ll get bored eventually! He’s too mediocre for you, you deserve a man who outclasses you - I mean, who can provide for you! You’re a fragile little flower who scars people for life when she’s not happy with them, what makes you think that this boy can possibly handle you even though he’s done so for the past seven years?

You wanted it, you got it.

People are shallow, have misconceptions about Ron’s character that they are unwilling to correct or use classist and sexist arguments to try to make it so that either Ron is the Devil himself / Hermione is a higher kind of being that can only orgasm if sufficiently “intellectually stimulated” / what-have-you.

#vivi answers #ask #ron weasley #hermione granger #romione #ron weasley defense squad #ron weasley defence squad #sexism #classism #hp meta #fandumb #hp fandom

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murder-raven13 · 3 years

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My Haikyuu Ships pt. 1

A/N: I figured out the keep reading thing!!! Just took a month

This is a list of my Haikyuu ships. I’ll add an explanation for some if I have one. There is no rhyme or reason to the order of this list.

Warning(s): cursing, minor spoilers (manga & anime), not proofread, loooooong

Word Count: 1,786

Part 2 Part 3

Hinata x Kageyama

Kageyama struggles with communication and understanding others. Hinata, on the other hand, overcommunicates and has a knack for understanding people, even if he doesn’t realize that he does. Plus, Kageyama has struggled to find connections with people because of his zeal for volleyball. This on top of his trouble with communication made it hard for him to make friends. But Hinata matches Kageyama in his zeal and covers Kageyama’s communication weakness well, all while Kageyama gives Hinata a proper volleyball outlet and pushes him to constantly strive to be his best, so I think they’re neat together.

Hinata x Kenma

Again, Kenma is someone that’s not the best at communication, with a little dose of social anxiety on the side. He’s a lot softer than Kageyama and struggles with communication because he thinks too much (which is the opposite of Kageyama lol). Hinata makes him feel comfortable enough that he can communicate without overthinking himself into a hole. And Kenma, for Hinata, gives him a way to talk and an honest opinion when he needs it.

Atsumu x Suna

I will take not shit for ship. They are so cute together. During the match Inarizaki played against Karasuno, Atsumu and Suna bantered and, during the flashbacks, Suna and Atsumu were shown to have a pretty good relationship. Plus, Suna is a pretty laid back person and Atsumu is obviously the kind of person that would overwork himself to death or push forward without thinking of the consequences. Suna is a brutally honest person, but I feel like he struggles a bit with moving forward because it’s hard for him to feel motivated. So, Suna can keep Atsumu from going too far and Atsumu can help motivate Suna to move forward when he doesn’t feel like he can.

Kageyama x Tsukishima [as adults]

Honestly, I don’t even have a good reason for this. They would be dysfunctional because they suck at feelings. Tsukishima never actually says what he means because he’s high key scared of being vulnerable. And Kageyama sucks at communication (but, after Suga’s advice, he takes a much more direct approach to handling Tsukishima, which I feel is what Tsukishima would need in a relationship) and he also sucks at reading body language (particularly Tsukishima’s) which I feel would be something he would need to be with Tsukishima. But Tsukishima would force Kageyama to begin to think more critically in order to keep up with him and Kageyama would force Tsukishima to be more forthcoming with his emotions, even if just because Tsukishima would have to up his passion levels to keep up with Kageyama. So, if they could figure it out, I think they would be a very good couple. If they didn’t though, I feel they would be lowkey toxic.

Daichi x Suga

Can you watch Haikyuu and not ship these two??? Daichi is very calm, collected, and stable. And that’s a good balance with Suga, who’s an instigator, a meddler, and a worrier. They both care a lot and their very attentive, but they’re opposites in that Suga is a chaotic little monster with an angel face. So they would be a good balance when it came to a relationship. Plus, they would be the sappiest motherfuckers alive together, so, they’re kind of like a comfort, fluff ship.

Nishinoya x Asahi

This another one where I ship because they are opposites. Noya is extremely brazen and confident. Asahi is extremely the exact opposite; he’s shy and awkward and self-conscious. Noya, in canon, gets onto Asahi for being self-degrading and hypes him up when he feels Asahi needs it. And Asahi is someone Noya looks up to because he’s strong, even though he struggles, and someone he wants to see succeed. Asahi forces Noya to calm down and allows him to actually feel afraid. One of the reasons Noya understands Asahi so much is because he struggled with being scared when he was younger. So, I feel like Asahi can feel comfortable with Noya because he knows that Noya understands and, at the same time, knows that Noya managed to overcome his fear, which is probably really comforting. Overall, they’re fucking cute and I c a n n o t

Hinata x Tsukishima

They would be so cute, please. Tsukishima is so mean because he’s a big baby and Hinata straight up does not care. It’s also canon [from during the practice match with Seijoh] that Hinata doesn’t like seeing Tsukishima picked on or struggling [he legit offered himself in Tsukki’s place]. Hinata is a big ball of bright emotion and energy where Tsukishima is more clam and reserved, but Hinata has the ability to draw real emotion out of Tsukishima. They’re another two that would balance well. They’re relationship would be a lot of teasing and mocking, though [they have about 3 million inside jokes and Tsukishima revels in leaving people confused with them].

Kiyoko x Tanaka

Please, this man proposed the first time he saw her. And he legit stayed dedicated, but never overstepped Kiyoko’s boundaries. He never harassed her or did anything to make her feel uncomfortable. And Kiyoko was never mean to Tanaka, even when she rejected or ignored him. They had a stable relationship because Tanaka’s a goddamn gentlemen [can you tell I simp for this man?] and Kiyoko knows it. She fell in love with him over time because of how respectful and thoughtful Tanaka was. Plus, she’s seen firsthand, for years, the dedication and passion in Tanaka’s character, which is a good contrast to her colder, calmer personality. She gives Tanaka stability and Tanaka gives her passion and comfortability. The fact that this ship is canon gives me life.

Nishinoya and Tanaka

The level of chaos in this ship, oml. Two disasters. Absolute mess all the time. They love each other so much and they’re both like walking hype-men. Literally no insecurities in this relationship. They are the two most dedicated boys in existence. And they like to have fun, so they’re constantly challenging each other, which keeps their relationship fun and growing; it never really settles, no matter how long they’ve been together because they’re always finding something new to love about the other. They would go on adventures together. So cute.

Kuroo x Kenma

They’re childhood friends. It is law. Kuroo is so smart and so serious and so caring. He makes sure that Kenma isn’t neglecting himself for his games. And he made sure that Kenma got involved with the team so that he would have friends when Kuroo was gone. And Kenma lets Kuroo delve into his passions and gives him a safe place to relax and be goofy. Kenma is so aloof, but also really caring as well and he’s always paying attention, so he would know immediately when Kuroo was pushing himself too far and needed to let off steam [y’all remember that scene where he asked Kuroo if he wanted to level up (go play volleyball) after they lost a game because he couldn’t just sit and game knowing that Kuroo was upset over the loss? yeah that shit]. And Kuroo gives Kenma somewhere safe and secure where he can be himself without worrying about anything else.

Kuroo x Tsukishima

This is one of my favorite ships. They’re both ridiculously smart, so the conversations and witty sass between these two is literal gold-tier shit. Tsukishima never lets himself be goofy and I feel like, the longer that went on, the more it would wear on him mentally. Kuroo, on the other hand, knows the important of not being serious all the time. So, he would bring Tsukishima out of his shell and give him a safe space to be a dorky as he wanted. And Kuroo could talk all the Chemistry and science he wanted and Tsukishima would be able to keep up with him. They would constantly be challenging each other intellectually and they would know so much random shit because of it. Definitely the couple that has trivia date nights just to see who’s smarter. They would be such a well-rounded couple because they would balance and push each not just intellectually, but in every aspect of their lives. I can see them being the couple where one has an exam and the other just brings them coffee or tea, gently mocking and praising them until they can find it in themselves to study and get everything done. The one that doesn’t have the exam or big project at work would do the house chores, quietly, though, so the other could focus on what they needed to do. They would know just when the other needed space and when they needed a distraction or comfort. They just...would know each other so well and I-

Bokuto x Akaashi

[Did you think I wasn’t going to do this one?] Bokuto and Akaashi are both passionate and dedicated. Akaashi is a lot more emotionally stable, but he’s also an extreme overthinker. Man overthinks everything. Bokuto, on the other hand, is an under thinker that functions almost purely on his emotions. So, overthinker + under thinker = the perfect amount of thinking. That combined with the fact that Akaashi is emotionally intelligent, but not emotionally expressive means that Bokuto, who is emotionally intelligent and extremely expressive, can help maintain the right amount of communication in their relationship.

Iwaizumi x Oikawa

I wasn’t kidding when I said this was law for childhood friends. I meant that shit. Oikawa is manipulative, calculating, and extremely driven. But he has no concept of his own limitations or elects to ignore them because he wants to improve. Oikawa is really insecure, too, because he’s constantly trying so hard, pushing himself further than he can go, and it’s still never been enough to make him the best. Because of his fangirls and his desire to be the best, Oikawa is constantly making himself seem perfect, which means hiding parts of his personality at times. And he’s the type of person that has control over his emotions because he’s pretty methodical when it comes to his goals; he’s willing to literally do whatever it takes to succeed at what he wants. Iwaizumi, on the other hand, has known him long enough that Oikawa can literally not be perfect with him. Oikawa has to be real around Iwaizumi, who knows and acknowledges his true personality in its entirety, even going as far as to point out Oikawa’s flaws constantly, to remind Oikawa that he knows him and stays anyway. They make damn good outlets for each other and they know each better than anyone else, which means that they are, quite literally, each other’s safe space.

I have more ships, of course, but this post is already long as shit, so I’ll post those in a part 2

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earths-roots-grow-up · 3 years

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Headcanons on Russia’s and Prussia’s relationship with France.

Russia:

I think that in the XVIII century a large chunk of Europe had a crush on France. French culture was widespread among European courts and the language was being used to communicate in a similar manner English is used today. Frenchness was just very IN at that time.

Those countries included Russia. At that time Peter the Great was westernizing his country, and injecting French-ness into Russian lives was a part of this process - Versailles and the French court impressed Peter immensely when he went to visit France and when he came back home, he began emulating many things he observed in the western country. Language, customs, widespread mirrors everywhere, architecture, gardens. You name it.

High-born Russians would talk to each other in French and give themselves French names. Lets note that French wasn’t the only foreign language that was widespread in Russia, so were others, like German and Latin [mostly used by the academia.

“(...) of all the languages which began to have currency in eighteenth-century Russia, it was French that acquired the greatest social, cultural, and political significance,even if it was not always so widely spoken as German“.

The two next generations of Russians grew up within this Francophile culture and viewed it as something natural, from their perspective it was no longer an exotic fashion, just the way thing always were. Therefore, this was something more than just a fleeting fascination that lasted as long as Peter ruled - and had lingering influence on Russian culture.

“The most important stimulus for the development of French-speaking in Russia, though, was the use of French as a court language from around the middle of the reign of Peter’s daughter Elizabeth (1741–61), who had learnt it in childhood from a French lady at her father’s court.“

And so it went on from there: “At the beginning of the nineteenth century, the Russian nobility still preferred French to Russian for everyday use, and were familiar with French authors such as Jean de la Fontaine, George Sand (etc.). The influence of France was equally strong in the area of social and political ideas. Catherine II's interest in the writings of the (french) philosophers of the Enlightenment (...) contributed to the spread of their ideas in Russia during the eighteenth century.” and “ During the nineteenth century, travel in France was considered a form of cultural and intellectual apprenticeship. “.

(source) So the interest in French ideas and culture was strong in the second half of the XVIII century and in the XIX century.

So in other words, Russia had a crush on France - it was a total puppy love mostly based on superficial things, like aesthetic, nice smells and pretty, elegant European opulence but most of all: France was the ideal of what Russia was trying to become, the epicenter of European-ness, the “civilization” and Ivan was in the middle of this lowkey cultural revolution in which he was trying to re-invent himself as a modern, “European” country. So I think this crush was very much one of those "I wanna BE YOU" types of crushes, he was head over heels for what France represented - that’s why this hit so hard.

There was some more personal stuff there too, like France's eloquence, his literature and philosophy. Enter a lot of perfumed love letters! Even when the crush slowly withered away Russia still felt - and feels - strong admiration for France and honestly enjoys his culture a lot.

France himself enjoyed the crush but wasn't really that interested in reciprocating - as mentioned above, large chunk of Europe was also crushing on him due to his culture just being in fashion, so it's not like Russia himself was standing out. But they did become friends and still have good personal relations with each other. They have a lot of passions in common, such as ballet, art, music, opera, Romanticism etc, so they still enjoy talking about this stuff together. It’s not a Deep friendship where they trust each other, don’t be fooled, they don’t trust one another at all! But they do like hanging out.

I also HC that the way both French and German were important in XVIII century Russia (as cited above: French with greater cultural significance and German more widespread) is representative of him catching feelings for both France and Prussia at this time, tho one of those wasn't just a crush.

Prussia:

My non-canon-approved hot take here is that I don't think him and France were ever friends. The exact opposite of that even.

It's true that Frederick the Great also had this hard-on for the French, and in effect Prussia speaks and writes excellent French. But after Frederick William II took over the throne, he took back all those Francophile preferences and began promoting German literature and language instead - something the educated classes of Prussia were thankful for. So because Russia shared his ruler's fascination with France his interest outlasted Peter the Great and became a more prevalent part of Russian culture for a long time, while Prussia never shared Fredrick’s fascination and therefore it got overturned as soon as the new king sat on the throne.

And that makes sense, bc in general Germans and French weren't very friendly with each other during their history. German- French enmity, also called the hereditary enmity, is an idea introduced in the XIX century, and it states that those two forces are natural enemies due to their inherently different goals and incompatible interests. Due tho this they keep bumping against each other throughout the ages. You can see echos of this sentiment it in the Napoleonic Wars, Franco-Prussian War, WW1, the Treaty of Versailles, WW2 etc. France was also the country that stood in the strongest opposition to the German Empire being created, so a big issue for Prussia.

It’s important to mention that this German-French enmity was often used as a propaganda tool for wars and simplified the complex relations between those two groups. Of course it did, even Austrian/Prussian relations weren’t ALWAYS bad, even tho they were called ‘the biggest enemies’ by historians.

It is believed that the enmity ended after WW2 and no longer is a thing. To me that is a pretty great example of Germany taking over the reign and replacing Prussia. Prussian/France relations were bad, but German/France relations are pretty darn good. And it makes sense, because Prussia had different goals than Germany has, and they are very different individuals. I see France and Germany as friends due to their shared work in UE, tho I’m not sure if they would be something more than just work friends.

Anyway, this is Hetalia and not a historical-political deep dive - to me what counts in Hedcanon context is the general feel throughout history: were they generally allies or enemies? Were their interests clashing with one another or were they compatible, most of the time at least? The whole idea behind this “inherited” enmity is that French and German interests were incompatible, so it had to end with a conflict. And they did, many times over. I feel like the importance of the Napoleonic wars especially is often undervalued here - it was a HUGE conflict that would have a lasting impact on their relations, way bigger than the Wars for Austrian Succession, which are often cited as proof of their friendship. But they were an outlier in general Prussian/French relations.

That’s why I think Prussia and France are not, nor ever were friends, they view each other as enemies and dislike each other. Tho during the reign of Old Fritz their relationship was warmer and more amicable than during other periods, considering they actually had similar goals and fought together for a change - mostly because that was convenient for then, not due to some preexisting friendship. But I do like the idea that during this time they had some kind of difficult comradery going for a brief while and there was this fleeting “maybe in another reality we could be friends” vibe.

Due to the bad history, Prussia's dislikes of France can be seen in many small things that irritate him, like he just detests Francis' need to show opulence, his over-the-top rococo aesthetic and cuture-esque fashion sense, hight emotionality drives him bonkers and even the pastel flowery color palettes he often wears irk him. And don’t even get his started on the Revolutions! He’ll talk your ear off.

Tl’Dr: So Prussia and France don't like each other and are generally bitchy and passive-aggressive with one another. Russia and France are friendly and good acquaintances, while not exactly close. Russia just likes him - he still admires a lot of things about French culture, enjoys the language, cuisine, architecture, fashion etc, and used to have a crush on him.

Rusprus take:

Prussia in a confident, self-assured person, but when it comes to France, he can be surprisingly self-conscious. He still remembers that crush Russia used to have on him and WHY he had it - because of many characteristics that France possesses, but Prussia doesn't. Like being romantic and sentimental, sensitive, emotionaly open, appreciative of beauty, artsy etc. Sometimes Russia finds that cute and endearing, bc it makes him feel wanted, but sometimes it's just... ridiculous.

APH Prussia: What do you wanna watch tonight, Vanka?

APH Russia: Hm... maybe that movie, Marie Antoinette?

APH Prussia: Ugh OF COURSE you wanna ogle HIM!

APH Russia: W... what.

APH Prussia: France! You wanna ogle that cheese-smelling frog-eater!

APH Russia: What... no! Gilya, Gilyushka, Gilynechka! That's absurd, I just want to watch a pretty period drama!

APH Prussia: Don’t you “Gilynechka“ me! And as if that's not enough...

APH Prussia: She was AUSTRIAN

APH Russia: Omg. Kill me now. When you have almost 1000 years of history together then even picking a Netflix show can be a minefield!

Anyway, they end up watching the movie but Prussia roasts everything in frame :D

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infjparadox · 3 years

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The types I know in real life - as an INFJ

The ISFJ father. Growing up, he was a bit of a micro-manager, and both of us were so stubborn that our J clashed pretty hard, especially when he pushed me to complete scholarships and laborious things that would benefit my future. He ALWAYS wanted to do some activity together (sports, outings, family gatherings, etc), and in my teen years, I just valued creative, independent pursuits (he didn’t understand the value in those hobbies at the time - now he’s my cheerleader). Since graduating college, we’ve become good friends, although he still over-does and over-plans everything. We share similar values regarding our interpersonal relationships and work, as well as a similar sense of humor, and I can get that intuitive conversation out of him by asking him to tell me stories about his childhood. He’s a fantastic storyteller.

The INFP mother. My mother is a kind (but anxious) woman and a fantastic role model. She’s super creative, but also incredibly introverted. I remember she’d often tell me to find a way to entertain myself growing up (probably driven mad by my intuitive inquisitions), and that led me to many of my independent hobbies, like drawing, music, and film. (And possibly resulted in a love language of quality time, lol I love attention). As an adult, I can now claim her as my best friend. We can talk for hours about the abstract, ideals, and emotions. I tease her constantly, and we laugh ourselves to tears.

The ENFJ sister. Confident, idealistic, and a blogger type. We don’t get along very well, but I blame it on her not being a very matured or healthy ENFJ (and she’s been diagnosed with OCD, so there’s that). When she’s in a positive place, we joke that we have ESP because we always have similar thoughts / reactions to interactions (Ni) and we both enjoy a lot of the same hobbies and creative pursuits, but we value those experiences differently. For example, she loves movies for the emotions and her ability to relate to the characters, while I love them for the storytelling, the script, the cinematography, the character arcs, etc. She loves people and organizing parties / social events. She’s also that person on Instagram sharing all the inspirational quotes.

The ISFP boyfriend. Charming, easygoing, and well-rounded. Appears as an extrovert to an outsider, but in reality, he just enjoys activities that engage the five senses and his close circle of friends. He’s the absolute best at living in the moment, and he knows how to pull me back to earth and to see the more rational, objective side of things. Loves working with his hands, and has about 3 million hobbies, from skiing to biking to working on cars to making music to photography. Sensitive to criticism, but loves playing the devil’s advocate. Sometimes he can be incredibly impulsive, and other times, he’s hesitant to commit to future plans or big decisions (depends on what his Fi is telling him). Values authenticity and independence above anything else. Very capable of deep and stimulating conversation, but does better on lower rungs of the abstract ladder that are rooted in science, physics, conspiracy theories, politics, or something he can contribute facts and real world experience to. Dislikes conflict and being put in a box. Other than the INFP, the only other type who does not drain my energy tank. I’m confident that we’ll be lifelong friends and soulmates, come what may.

The INFP friend. We clicked instantly while studying abroad, and we were able to talk for hours about anything and everything, while respecting one another’s feelings. Super easygoing. He’s one of the best listeners I’ve ever met, and he always asks me questions that feed the conversation. Musically inclined, authentic, and frustratingly neutral about some of the topics I care about so passionately. He’s also one of the most aloof people I know -- and he absolutely sucks at communication. But even though I haven’t talked to him in 7 months, I still consider him one of my platonic soulmates.

The ENFP bff. Another soulmate. A total goofball, selfish at times, but also a martyr when it comes to those she loves. She’s one of the few people who have truly attempted to understand everything about me and pry me open -- almost to the point that it’s uncomfortable. Loves talking about emotions (extensively). Judges people based on their zodiac sign, but she’s also incredibly insightful, perceptive, and “street” wise (she learns a LOT from her experiences / mistakes). She can be flighty though, and her goals change as swiftly as her attention span. Gotta love her.

The ENTP bff. A witty friend who will always offer me a stimulating conversation - whether it’s teaching me about historical fashion or exposing me to new concepts and ideas and political theories. We can talk for three hours straight, but by then I’m incredibly brain-fried (and she could just keep going?!). Up for a good natured debate whenever - less good natured when someone pisses her off. I’m fairly certain I’m the only person she is completely honest with about her feelings (she struggles SO hard to open up). She loves to travel and experience new things, as well as host parties and game nights. She’s both a planner and a completely "in the spur of the moment” human being. Hates willful ignorance and stupidity, and does not care about keeping the peace. I disliked her at first for her bluntness and arrogance, but now I love her to pieces. Soulmate, for sure.

INTJ friend (long distance). Very, very prickly to others, but warmed up to me instantly. Arrogant, albeit extremely logical and intelligent. Loves memes, biology, and good television. Adores her girlfriend and gushes about her often (one of the rare instances where she’s a total fluff ball). Kind of a dick, but also very funny and 100% there for companionable silence or intellectual conversation. Enjoys being in a group of outcasts and detests most people. We had a lot of weird things in common and joked about being long lost sisters, and I valued her promptness / dependability! Her negativity kind of wore me out though (we were studying abroad, and she was homesick for most of it).

The ENTJ boss. I no longer work for her, but man, what a powerhouse. Direct and blunt to a fault, but incredibly motivated and ambitious. Will get things done, no matter what. Big idea woman, not so great with the details and how her plans will actually (realistically) be implemented. SO, so organized and anal, and yet somehow kind of a mess. Surprises me when she’s emotionally vulnerable because she’s incredibly intimidating and intense. Loves hosting parties and cooking for her coworkers / neighbors. Those who are close to her know she has a good heart, but she can seem like a total b** to an outsider.

ISTP coworker. She’s good at multitasking, and yet she runs late constantly. Intelligent in the way she asks questions for clarity and a better understanding of a concept. Calm, collected, and logical. Creative and impressive in her projects (home remodel, upcycling crafts, etc). Conversation is a bit surface-level at times and mostly centers around her day to day life experiences or family drama. She’ll often ask me about my life and then tune me out because she quickly grows bored, as do many other sensors, rip T_T. We’re a good team, though.

These are my personal experiences with / observations of particular individuals whose type I’m confident about, but they do not represent everyone of the same type. If anything, I think this goes to show the range of personalities within a function stack.

#infj #enfp #entj #istp #entp #enfj #infp #isfj #isfp #intj

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