#infj relationships | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mbti-notes · 2 months

Text

Anon wrote: Hi mbtinotes 22yo INFJ here. I recently lost a friend (INTJ) after dating her briefly. After breaking things off, there was a lot of hurt on both sides that we weren't able to reconcile. I ended up blocking her to move on, since then have unblocked but never reached out. This loss has been eating away at me every day since and I can't stop thinking about my mistakes or feeling like a failure. At the same time, I don't think maintaining a friendship was benefitting either of us.

There was a lot of drama over how I handled the breakup, and it was messy since we both still had feelings but she no longer trusted me. I also think we were in somewhat of a codependent relationship and my thoughts about her are obsessive. I constantly wonder what she's thinking and whether or not I can "fix" things despite the damage done. I've always had self esteem issues, social anxiety, and I believe have struggled with depression for a long time.

I know I have good qualities and my friends remind me all the time, but I just don't see myself that way, and I've always struggled with dating and this falling out with my friend has put me even deeper into my issues and made me more aware of them. I still care for her a lot, but I don't know if reconciliation is possible and am afraid of repeating the cycle, and she's villainized me at this point anyway. I honestly have no idea how I'm supposed to build myself up from here.

----------------------

The best way to have healthy self-esteem is to be a person of integrity. It means making decisions primarily from the perspective of your better self, with a view of the bigger picture (Ni). It means doing whatever is necessary to preserve every person's well-being, including your own (Fe). It is never too late to choose integrity. The sooner you choose it, the sooner you can get to a more positive place in life. The path to integrity is a lifelong process of learning how to be the person you're really meant to be.

When it comes to failure, having integrity means owning up to mistakes and learning to do better. The way is: face facts, take full responsibility for everything that was in your hands, and resolve the situation to the best of your ability.

Resolve is not the same as fix. "Fixing" is usually motivated by an egocentric desire to assuage guilt, silence regret, or unload resentment. By contrast, "resolving" should be motivated by care and empathy and a genuine desire to do what is best for everyone involved. Negative feelings must be laid to rest and everyone must be allowed to move on in the most positive way possible. Resolution can be a difficult process and might require several steps, for example:

Contrition: For the sake of learning and personal growth, do a full accounting of all the things you have done that were hurtful, harmful, or morally problematic. Make a list and review the reasons why you engaged in such behavior. Feel your remorse fully, and make a choice to forgive yourself by accepting that you are human and still have much to learn about how to make moral decisions.

Atonement: Issue a detailed and heartfelt apology to everyone who was negatively affected by your behavior. Provide an honest explanation for why you behaved poorly, without making excuses or deflecting responsibility. Ask for forgiveness, recognizing that you are not entitled to it and do not have control over whether it is granted. In your own mind, forgive others their mistakes, for the sake of your own well-being, because you do not want to keep carrying around the heavy burden of a heart poisoned by resentment, anger, or hate.

Closure: Do a full accounting of all the things you appreciate about the person and the relationship you had together, and say thank you to them. Express that you hope the negative experiences won't erase all the positive experiences you've had together. Sincerely wish them the best going forward. Grant everyone the freedom to open a new chapter of life.

Blame is always counter-productive to relationships. Since the relationship is basically beyond repair, continuing to play any kind of blame game (whether blaming yourself or her) is only going to keep you stuck in negativity. It sounds like blame was a significant factor contributing to the breakup, so it's time you learned a better way of handling painful feelings via improving your emotional intelligence. You need to get back in touch with your caring and empathetic side in order to let go of blame and leave the past behind.

You've had many opportunities to end the situation but instead chose to continue it. At some point, you have to make a decision as to whether your energy is better utilized moving backward or moving forward - you can't have it both ways. When you choose to move forward, feelings will fade as time passes, and you'll get better perspective from which to learn important lessons, lessons that will hopefully better equip you for success in future relationships.

Remember that the process of grieving a loss and healing from it cannot begin in earnest until you release yourself from the compulsion to fix and, instead, move toward full acceptance of reality.

#infj #infj relationships #breakup #integrity #acceptance #closure #apology #forgiveness #regret #ask

19 notes · View notes

mariamthe1st · 6 months

Text

all of them 😅

#Infj #infj relationships #infj problems #Mbti #introvert #dark academia #aesthetic #introversion #isolation #Lonely #Sad #frienship #love

18 notes · View notes

infjthingz · 1 month

Text

"I'm just too in my own head lately"

I know, I'm there with you y'know

#infj things #infj mbti #infj thoughts #infj feelings #infj #mbti #infj personality #infj relationships #infj stuff #infj struggles

8 notes · View notes

chameleonpersonality · 1 year

Text

INFJ

Living with a personality that is so rare is a struggle because it is hard to find someone who has the experience. My personality, INFJ, makes up 2% of the population.

INFJ stands for:

- Introverted

- Intuition

- Feeling

- Judging

People with INFJ are very complex people with an array of emotions, interests, and talents. Though they have a reputation for being reserved and quiet, they can be some of the most highly respected and admired people in the world.

Like all personalities they have their strengths and weaknesses. The strengths in this personality trait are:

- Zealous and enthusiastic

- Perceptive and deep

- Compassionate and peace loving

- Decisive and pragmatic

- Virtuous and Noble

The Weaknesses are:

- Perfectionist and too specific

- Over sensitive and opposed to conflicts

- Repressed and too private

- People pleaser and meek

- Overworked and burn out

With INFJ there are 7 signs you can pick up on if they're unhappy with their life. They are:

- They become impulsive

- They're tired all the time

- They're detached

- They ghost you

- They see no future

- They're always around people

They can't concentrate

Instagram @Chameleon_Personality

Facebook @ChameleonPersonality

110 notes · View notes

trashandwriting · 2 years

Text

Two types of INFJs

1. Happy little bubble, struggles nevertheless a lot, chaotic, has a big vision but can't handle a tiny task, will remember your birthday and favorite things, smart but won't admit it, shy, but talks a lot when with people, kinda quirky, creative as fuck, has more friends than expected, total therapy friend, gets rude when people say they are mistyped, "oh my god that's so me, I'm INFJ too!"

2. Has their shit and life together but feels chaotic, 7383 alternative plans, seem pretty chill but isn't, sometimes mistaken as INTJs, secretly cry a lot but nobody knows, hates but loves people, keep their romantic thoughts for themselves, knows they are smart but tears up in arguments, can't understand why people argue, will be super empathetic when they have the energy to do so, the one in the group who organizes stuff, when people say they're mistyped they will try to explain calmly but shrug it off when the conversation gets too draining, "*sighs deeply* Yes....I'm INFJ"

268 notes · View notes

luffyttaro · 2 years

Text

INFJ 🌱 sou apenas um mago que deseja fazer amizade com todos os animais da floresta! minha meta é adotar todos eles.

amor (n.) um sentimento avassalador que faz os corações pulsarem loucamente e, por vezes, doerem. resumindo, o que o infj sente todas as vezes quando vê o istp.

🧑🏻‍🌾 — ei, entp! você gostaria de passar um tempo comigo (infj) hoje? podemos colher moranguinhos e fazer geleia.

161 notes · View notes

0-secret-admirer-0 · 2 years

Text

Explains my current situation

#love #infj #infj things #personality traits #people #illustration #infj personality #infj stuff #infj relationships #infj confessions #infjtruths #infj struggles #infj mbti #infj boy #infj boys

124 notes · View notes

its-all-down-hill · 9 months

Text

#infj personality #infj relationships

14 notes · View notes

sstvrlightt · 10 months

Text

✧ ; ⠀⠀ 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐉

┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊ ┊┊ ⋆ ┊ . ┊

#infj things #infj mbti #infj stuff #infj woman #infj love #infj feelings #mbti aesthetic #mbti art #mbti personalities #mbti moodboard #infj problems #infj relationships #infj struggles #aestethic #mbti infj #brown

10 notes · View notes

mbti-notes · 8 days

Text

Anon wrote: Hi, I'm a troubled INFJ asking on how to find an answer for a dilemma I'm having w my family members. I don't truly hate, but I lack affection for my father and sister; caring for them doesn't bring me comfort.

I grew up in a poor family. From a young age, I witnessed my father indulging in gambling and abusing my mother. Our conversations at home were often filled with yelling and swearing. My mother, despite her kindness and sacrifice, couldn't restrain my father's behavior (I believe my mom is ISFJ). We endured many nights of fear and tears as my father gambled away our livelihood. My father never cared about our education or well-being; his selfish pursuits always came first. He never provided for us financially, spending all his earnings on gambling and accumulating debt.

My sister dropped out of school early and never held a stable job. She is stubborn and refuses to listen to advice. Despite my mother's efforts to support her, my sister remains dependent and directionless. As for me, I finally completed university and secured a stable job despite tons of obstacles that could have made me give up halfway. I contribute financially to support my family, paying off debts and even purchasing land and building a house for my sister. However, the lack of love and warmth in my family has left me feeling lonely and disconnected.

I fear marrying someone like my father and becoming trapped in a cycle of misery. At home, I fulfill my responsibilities but keep my distance emotionally. I provide for my family's needs, but I find myself only caring for my mother, not my father or sister. I wonder if I'm selfish or afraid of responsibility for feeling this way. How do I find an answer to this question myself?

---------------------

Growing up in a poor family isn't the issue. The real issue is that you grew up in an abusive environment and thus haven't learned what healthy relationships should look like.

What exactly do you mean when you use the word "responsibility"? Okay, common sense dictates that you are responsible for yourself and the choices you make. But are you responsible for your father or sister and the choices they have made? Do you have a responsibility to fix their mistakes and compensate for their bad behavior? Are you solely responsible for keeping the family together when half of the members don't care?

Yes, it's important to be a responsible person if you want to feel like you have good moral character. However, taking on more responsibility than is reasonable for a single person to shoulder is a serious problem in several ways:

1) It is damaging to your well-being. Responsibility comes with stress, and stress has a deleterious effect on both physical and mental health. Taking on the responsibilities of others compounds stress dramatically. Your capacity to handle stress is finite, which means that you will eventually feel burn-out or experience a mental breakdown or lash out destructively (Se grip).

2) It makes you ripe for mistreatment. Lack of healthy boundaries is a common symptom of Fe overindulgence in INFJs, i.e., it is a problem that needs to be remedied as part of your type development. Taking responsibility for someone else's decisions means that their problems become your problems. If you allow this to happen again and again, you are broadcasting to the world that you are an easy target for manipulation and exploitation. All they have to do is activate your guilt and you'll take care of whatever they throw at you. You'll become a doormat at best and a victim at worst.

3) It rewards other people's bad behavior. Facing up to negative consequences is essential for human learning and improvement. When you take responsibility that should rightfully belong to someone else, you are essentially shielding them from the consequences of their behavior. When there is always someone else to clean up messes for them, what incentive do they have to clean it up themselves? If anything, they are incentivized to make even bigger messes. This makes you complicit in their bad behavior because you are enabling it. When you or your mother are excessively "supportive", you might actually be making this unhealthy family dynamic worse.

Your question implies that you have a duty to always be caring and loving to everyone in your family no matter what. Why do you hold this belief? Do you come from a culture that tells you family is everything and going against them is always a betrayal? There's nothing I can say to help if this is truly what you want to believe.

A healthy family should have a sense of equality and equity. Every member of the family should contribute a fair share. Every member of the family should care enough to only take what is needed (as opposed to take advantage of kindness). Every member of the family should get enough love and support.

When one member of the family behaves in a way that is harmful to the other members, they no longer deserve the privileges of membership. Social "responsibility" shouldn't be one-sided. A relationship is like a social contract where both parties agree to terms and conditions that aim to keep the relationship healthy and thriving. When one party intentionally breaks the contract over and over again, you no longer owe them the duty of carrying out your portion of the contract. Is it reasonable to force yourself to like/love someone who has repeatedly shown that they don't like/love you? Wouldn't this amount to torturing yourself?

Perhaps you think it makes you a bad person for turning on family. Nobody is saying that you have to do bad things to your father and sister or treat them cruelly. The point being made here is that you have a right to be treated with respect and you deserve care as well. And when people don't treat you with respect and care, you have a right to protect yourself from their harmful behavior by pulling away from them physically and emotionally. In other words, you have a right to your personal space, you have a right to set rules of social engagement, and you have a right to end any interaction/relationship that hurts you. Having healthy boundaries means being assertive in advocating for your own needs and well-being.

If you don't learn to set healthy boundaries in your family, this problem is very likely to carry over into your friendships and romantic relationships. Do you want this feeling of loneliness to come up again and again? If not, what you need to do is learn to seek love from the right sources. Family or not, do not hope or beg for a person to reciprocate your love when they have shown you that they are not capable of love. This is part of what it means to have self-respect.

#infj #infj relationships #auxiliary fe #self respect #boundaries #assertiveness #responsibility #ask

16 notes · View notes

mariamthe1st · 10 months

Text

When the INFJ finally comes to the realization that they must move on, this looks nothing like the previously emotional state they were probably in. Once the INFJ has made the decision to shut someone out, they are very level-headed and rational. This may be frightening to people who are used to seeing the warm and gentle INFJ. They often appear very collected and even cold when they are set on slamming the door on someone. They know what they have to do, and this often takes removing all emotions from their actions. They have to shut off from this person, almost as if they are dead to them. The INFJ considers the loss of a relationship much like a death, and they are already spent time mourning this loss. At this point they are simply removing the finale memories of the lost relationship. This is no longer the mourning period, the INFJ has completely come to terms with what has happened. If the INFJ is still emotional or upset, then there is hope to resolve the relationship. Once the door slam has happened there is no going back. The INFJ has made the decision to move on and to them it is already done.

#INFJ #Door slamming #INFJ Doorslam #infj relationships #infj personality #infj confessions #infj dark side #infj problems #shut down #mourning #toxic relationship #self worth

21 notes · View notes

infjthingz · 1 month

Text

That splitting feeling when you know that someone wants you to rely on them and open up, but you also know that you're the one who's keeping it together better in this relationship and if you crumble, the whole thing falls apart.

#infj #mbti types #mbti #infj mbti #infj feelings #infj thoughts #infj things #infj relationships #infj personality #infj stuff #infj struggles

7 notes · View notes

songbirdswan · 11 months

Text

#infj thoughts #infj quotes #infj feelings #infj relationships #wolves

3 notes · View notes

karamidaydreamer · 2 years

Text

Enfj and Infj from my DAE Squad are just so cute together even though the two aren't technically a couple yet, they have such cute sapphic couple vibes

8 notes · View notes

thedatingproject · 2 years

Text

Introduction

Welcome to my little experiment!

The goal is to go on at least 50 First Dates with the kind of men I could see myself with long term.

Why 50 and how did I arrive at this specific number? Well...according to a few of my analyst friends (especially Steve), at least a sample of 30 is required for a successful research. However, since we are dealing with humans and human emotions, a larger sample would be best. Hence, 50 dates.

I know! It sounds exhausting, doesn't it? Especially for an INFJ like me who despises small talk.

But it is for research and we do this in the name of science!

The Rules:

The men must be of high quality. People I can actually see myself having something meaningful with.

I must actually make the effort to genuinely get to know them (as much as one can on a first date) and let them get to know me (shudder).

If I like them enough, I can see them again but it does not count for the quota of the 50 First Dates

The goal of every first date is to figure out if I will want to see them again.

I can choose to reveal about the "experiment" at my discretion

I do not ghost anyone but must end the connection respectfully and kindly.

Dates can be sourced from Dating Apps (Bumble is preferred), social media (Eg: Instagram, Facebook etc), or through the recommendations of friends.

So let us begin!

All dates will be written about and listed in chronological order with the occasional random story thrown in to give more background. I may also write about other dating related stories that may not be part of the experiment itself.

All names given below are fake in order to maintain anonymity.

Date 1 - Aiden

Date 2 - Harvey

Date 0 - Steve

Date 3 - Dallas

A little bit of background information about me and what really led to this experiment in the first place -

I am Sandy. I'm in my early 30s, a Gemini, and an INFJ. I have been single for most of my late 20s - first off, thanks to a very traumatic breakup with a narcissist and then of course the tragedy that was the pandemic.

The breakup was a definite eye opening experience. It led me down the path of self-love and I don't mean just the acceptance of who I truly am and owning my existence...but I really took the time to delve into past traumas that shaped me to allow a narcissist to take advantage of me like that. Therapy and a lot of self-work later, I feel like a brand new person. I don't want to say I'm glad it happened because anyone who has been with a narcissist for even a tiny bit of time can tell you just how much it suck. However, I am grateful for how the recovery allowed me to truly find and realign myself with my values.

The unfortunate side-effect of loving myself so much is that now I have begun to feel like may be my standards for love are way too high or maybe I am just a little emotionally unavailable.

Then a friend of mine, let's call him Steve, told me that I have not really experienced life or dated enough to come to a definite conclusion about my emotional availability. His suggestion became my own little "Dating Experiment."

#dating as a millennial #infj relationships #gemini #infj #dating #dating experiment #fifty first dates #infj dating #looking for love #emotionally unavailable

2 notes · View notes

0-secret-admirer-0 · 2 years

Text

Sometimes yeah!

#infj #love #infj things #people #personality traits #infj personality #infj stuff #infj life #infj thoughts #infj relationships

36 notes · View notes