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#I've made my skin a hundred times over. I counted one time. you know that? I counted how many scars I have.
neverendingford · 1 year
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#friendship arc over. time for your regularly scheduled unfriending of all new social contacts#the problem with making friends is that if you're not actually making good friends then they're not worth the energy they cost#I have a limited amount of mana and low value friends with high mana cost are simply not worth keeping in my deck.#I'm never going to get anywhere spending my energy on people who provide nothing in return#yes altruism is good. yes we give and love and grow#but I cannot give without recharge. I cannot love if I am not loved in return.#I can't hold a conversation if you never talk back#it's not a date if only one of us shows up#sorry. I'm in a mood cause I'm watching Arcane and honestly I might be vibing with Jinx a little too hard#I could keep talking but the problem is people read these now. you see me now. you see me hurt. you see me scream and cry and bleed#do you remember the night I rambled about Mononoke? I talked about ego death and how my whole world was spinning#I couldn't see straight and I could barely sit up#I poisoned myself. did you know that? I tell everyone I cut my veins because that's easier#easier than telling them that I put my chemistry skills to good use that night. natural oils and pills from the local pharmacy#all in neat little capsules homemade#I make everything myself. food. lanyard. comb. gloves. even shoes one time.#I've made my skin a hundred times over. I counted one time. you know that? I counted how many scars I have.#give me a second I'm gonna make art now#tag talk
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ro-is-struggling · 4 months
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Self care || Bucky Barnes x Reader
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Summary: Bucky always seemed interested in your skin care routine, so when one day he arrives tired and drained from a mission, you take the opportunity to show him the importance and benefits of self-care.
Warnings: established relationship, brief mention to Bucky’s past trauma, a fuck ton of fluff, my little knowledge of skin care lol
English is not my first language
Word count: 2200
Notes: this was inspired by a dream I had. I thought it was cute and I couldn't get it out of my head, so I wrote this little thing. If it doesn’t make sense, blame my dumb dreams lol
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It was one of the first times you slept over at Bucky's place that you discovered he didn't have a skin care routine. He would look at you cleansing your face from the bathroom door, watching you apply creams and serums with a mixture of admiration and confusion in his expression. And every time you picked up a new product, he would ask you what it was and what did it do. 
It didn't really surprise you, most of the men you had dated tended to use a small number of personal hygiene products and usually the facial skin was only treated with soap and water. And if that was men your age, it was to be expected that Bucky and his over one hundred years of age were not aware of the benefits of skin care.You found his reactions kind of adorable. It wasn't every day that you caught Bucky acting with the naïve curiosity of a child, and you couldn't help but laugh as you answered his endless questions.
"Please tell me you at least wear sunscreen." You said and Bucky remained silent. "Oh my God, Bucky!" you complained, explaining to him how dangerous the sun was for his skin.
"After all I've been through, I don't think a little sun is going to kill me, doll." He laughed, coming up to you to hug you from behind. You wrapped your arms around his, smiling at him in the mirror as he rested his chin on your shoulder. 
The bastard knew how cute he was —looking at you through the mirror with blue eyes full of love—, and he was using it to his advantage to keep you from scolding him. He was probably right, the super soldier serum surely protected him from skin cancer in the same way it protected him from hits and falls that would be fatal to the rest of humanity. But still, it wouldn't hurt him to take care of himself a little every now and then.
"You smell nice." Bucky praised you, inhaling the subtle floral scent the creams had left on your skin. He gave you a kiss on the cheek, his stubble tickling your sensitive face. You laughed and he knew he had won.
"Don't think you're getting out of this so easily." you warned, tilting your head to the side so you could kiss him. "Flattery will get you nowhere!"
From that day on you decided that you would put together a skincare routine for Bucky. Super Soldier serum or not, everyone's skin needed a little help from time to time. And besides, you believed it was something that could benefit Bucky in more ways than just one. It would teach him to take better care of himself and to value the precious 'me time'. And god knew he needed that. So you made a mental note to buy a couple of products for him the next time you went to restock some of your kit and stopped thinking about it for a while.
That was until one day Bucky came home tired from a mission. You didn't quite know what he had to do and he didn't want to tell you much about it either when you asked him. Not knowing tore you apart, but you respected his wishes and didn't press the issue, deciding to help him in a way that wasn't invasive. You started with running him a bath, filling the tub with warm water and using some of your bath salts and lotions to create a more relaxing environment. You insisted on taking care of him, although Bucky didn't put up much resistance, surrendering to the soothing power of your caresses on his hair. Your fingers gently massaged his scalp, coating it with shampoo to remove all the dirt before rinsing it and repeating the process with conditioner.
He still found such intimacy a bit strange. Even though he enjoyed it, he still wasn't completely used to being cared for with the affection you showed him. It had been so long since anyone had treated him with such love and care that he could hardly remember it. But he felt safe in your hands, happy to have you in his life. A light of hope at the end of the dark tunnel of agony that had been his life. That was what you were to him. His second chance to live, to love. So he relaxed under your touch and let your gentle caresses take all the tiredness and worries out of his system.
But your pampering didn't end when Bucky got out of the tub. After he changed into his pajamas and laid down on his side of the bed, you emerged from the bathroom with a small white bag in your hands. You rested it on the nightstand and began pulling out various products he recognized from your skin care routine, arranging them in a nice neat line. 
"Doll... what are you doing?" Bucky asked, looking at the pink cat-ear headband you held in your hands. It was the one you always wore when you did your makeup or skin care routine, a tool you used to keep your hair out of your face while you worked. He always thought you looked adorable when you used it, but he didn't understand why you were directing it at him this time.
"Taking care of you." You replied as if it were obvious, "I want to show you the benefits of having a good skin care routine." Bucky hesitated for a moment, but eventually gave in to your soft smile and the sparkle of enthusiasm in your eyes. There was nothing he could say no to if you looked at him that way.
He gave you a slight nod and you took that as a signal to continue. You climbed onto the bed, settling onto his lap with one leg on either side of him, so you could face him and work more comfortably. Bucky put his hands on your hips instinctively, the cold metal of his fingers giving you goose bumps at the unexpected touch. But you didn't move them, you liked his hands there.
"First we have to make sure your hair is out of the way." You announced as you placed the headband on his head, making sure no hair was out of place or near his face. You couldn't help but let out a giggle as you admired Bucky wearing the accessory. The pink, furry cat ears looked so out of place it was ridiculous. The clear feminine energy of the headband clashed against the distinctive masculine look on his expression in a fun and charming way. It made him look adorable if you were honest, especially when he smiled at you. He could definitely pull it off.
"How do I look?" Bucky asked, batting his eyelashes in an exaggerated fashion. 
"Adorable." You replied between giggles, before giving him a quick peck on the lips.
When you broke apart, you began your skin care routine, taking a piece of cotton and your favorite micellar water to cleanse Bucky's skin. He looked at you closely, taking advantage of the position you were in to admire your beauty up close while you concentrated on soaking the cotton ball in the liquid. You were the most beautiful woman in the world, he was sure, and not only that, you were kind and loving too. A wonderful person all around and he still didn't understand how he had managed to get you by his side, but he was happy about it.
"Why do you have to clean my face? I just showered." Bucky mumbled with his eyes closed, feeling your delicate fingers on his chin as you ran wet cotton across his face.
You let out a giggle. "Water is not enough! And regular soap is too harsh on the skin of our face, so you need to use a cleanser or cream that is meant for the face."
"I never heard about that." Bucky frowned, tilting his head slightly to the side in confusion.
"Because you're a guy and guys are used to using one product for everything hygiene related."
“That’s not true!” he tried to defend himself, although he didn't sound very convinced.
You decided to skip a few steps in the routine to keep things simple. The idea was not only to pamper Bucky and help him relax, but also show him that maintaining a skin care routine didn't have to be complicated and could bring him many benefits. So you went straight to the eye cream, taking some with your ring finger and carefully applying it to the bags under his eyes.
"Stay still! You're gonna make me poke your eye if you move like that!"
"It already feels like you're poking my eye!"
"Don't be so dramatic!" You laughed, men really were cry babies. "Just close your eyes and trust me." Bucky grumbled, pouting. You planted a quick kiss on his lips, and that seemed to please him because he kept his eyes closed and stopped moving. Carefully, you spread the eye cream over his dark circles, giving his skin time to absorb the product before proceeding with the last step.
"What is that?" Bucky asked you curiously as you reached for the last tub in the line of products. 
"It's a night cream. You're supposed to use it at night after you wash your face to keep your skin moisturized."
"Isn't that what the other cream did?"
"No, silly! That was just for your under eye area, this helps hydrate the rest of your face. We need to give back all the good things we got rid off when we cleaned your skin of all the dirt and oils clogging your pores."
Bucky made an annoyed face, muttering about how complicated it all sounded. But the truth was, he was enjoying the extra attention you were giving him. He had you all to himself, the warmth of your body enveloping him in a comforting embrace as your fingers gently massaged his face. He couldn't think of a better definition of paradise than that. Just the two of you sharing an intimate moment, far from the horrors of the outside world. He could commit to a skin care routine if it involved at least a third of the pampering you were giving him at that moment.
"You don't need to use much," you continued your explanation, dipping one of your fingertips into the cream before bringing it up to Bucky's face. "Just a little bit here, here, here... and here." You painted a couple of white dots on his cheeks, forehead and chin, kissing the tip of his nose before applying a bit of cream to the area. It was such a cute and intimate act he almost blushed.
The first thing Bucky noticed about the cream was the scent. It had a light rose fragrance that was familiar to him, comforting even. It traveled up his nostrils as you massaged the cream into his face, sparking a warm and fuzzy feeling inside him. It took him a few seconds to understand that it was because that was the same rose scent he recognized on your skin whenever he kissed you, that sweet floral scent he had learned to recognize as home. He finally knew he had your choice in moisturizer to thank for it. 
"You're using your cream on me?"
"Yes, it's the only one I had. The perfume doesn't last long, don't worry. I'll buy you an unscented one tomorrow."
"No, don't! I like this one, it smells like you... it's like having a little piece of you with me all the time."
You didn't expect him to say that, so you weren't prepared for the tingling warmth of love that coursed through your body. The idea that he wanted to keep you close at all times, that he recognized your scent and found comfort and safety in it, made your heart melt with love. Bucky was normally a man of few words, and tended to show his feelings with other things rather than words. Acts of service were his most common way of showing how much he loved you, although he also resorted to spending quality time together whenever you had free time. But every once in a while, he would manage to drop a sentence like that, which in concise words made it clear how much he loved you. Always taking you by surprise, he would drop them at the most casual moments, leaving you completely stupid for a few seconds as you processed his words and wondered what you had done to deserve having someone so wonderful in your life. 
Bucky gave you a shy smile, cheeks turning pink under your gaze, feeling exposed and vulnerable. He looked so adorable that you couldn't help but join your lips with his in a slow, loving kiss. He reciprocated immediately, one of his hands leaving your waist to cradle your cheek, pressing you tighter against him and deepening the kiss. 
"I love you," you muttered against his lips, pressing your forehead against his as you gazed into his deep blue eyes.
Bucky smiled, feeling the last bit of stress evaporate from his system thanks to you and your sweetness.  "I love you too."
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cartoonsbyandie · 16 days
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JOIN ME, IN HELL
I always had this impression that Nakamori's color palette has changed the most dramatically in all of his appearances and I've always wanted to see if that's actually true, because I'm sick in the head and apparently didn't have anything better to do. So here are the results! While this isn't EVERY appearance, it's most of them, and ones I consider important as far as color palettes go.
Quality is a factor on a bunch of these, and so is the lighting of the shots, especially the OVAs which maybe I shouldn't've included since they throw things off a bit. I tried to find decent quality images of Naka in bright indoor lighting, but it wasn't always possible.
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So to my eye, you can separate Naka's 'main' color palettes (and artstyle shifts) based on his suit colors, kinda like Lupin ironically:
Green suit (Ep. 76-515)
Gray/Brown Suit (515-983)
Black suit (1105-onward + all movies from 14 onward)
My other takeaways are:
No one can decide if his hair is black or brown, huh
His skin color's been pretty consistent actually, until recently when they made it darker.
Dunno what was going on with the first Magic Kaito TV special. The art style for the rest of them is nothing like it.
I probably should've ordered these chronologically to get a better idea of how the colors shifted over time. It is interesting to me how Nakamori's color palette for the movies has been consistent since Movie 14, but they didn't change his palette in DetCo to match it until super recently. And then Magic Kaito 1412 is just off doing entirely its own thing.
I most associate Nakamori with wearing green since I think that's what he wears straight through Magic Kaito 1412. If you count every episode he's in as a separate appearance, I think green might technically be the most common, but if you don't then I think brown wins.
Honestly these color palette shifts are probably true for Every character. I don't know why it feels so drastic for Nakamori. Probably because it's not like Rachel's hair randomly turns black for a few hundred episodes.
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jaidens · 9 months
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Hey, I Knew l'd Run Into You Somewhere It's Been A While, Didn't Mean To Stare
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pairing [s] : spencer reid x reader
warning [s] : | hugging | im crying | im in love with him | childhood friends to lovers (aka my fav trope and I overuse itt) |
a/n [s] : requests are open.
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Your field in Los Angeles, California was needed in Quantico, Virginia. It wasn't extremely typical, but whenever different parts of the FBI calls, you go. The plane ride was relaxing as you covered all sides of the case with your team and stayed on call with the Technical Analyst, Penelope Garcia. You were reading through Pride & Prejudice for the fourth time, as your team counted. Your team member Angela sits down, crossing one of her legs over the other.
“You seem occupied. Something happened?” Angela asks quietly, raising her eyebrow and clasping her fingers together. You look at her and nod, picking at the skin around your fingernails. “Yeah, this case just gets to me. No matter how long I've been in the field, it'll always scratch me the wrong way.” The case made everyone feel weird. The case included children and a series of kidnapping only taking Mother's and their young sons.
“Are you sure it's just that? I've known you for ten years. I know how you get when a case hurts and when something else is happening.” Angela calls you out and, painfully, she is one-hundred percent correct. “Yeah, you caught me. Just, I used to know someone who used to be my absolute best friend, and he moved to Quantico the last time I checked.” Angela opens her mouth to show her understanding and surprise about the situation.
“Well, let's remember, we have to keep our heads on the case. It's important that we find the leads instead of pulling other ropes to lead other situations.” Angela taps your hand and walks away, you smile at her softly before you go back to Jane Austen’s writing. Eventually, you fall asleep with your book laid against your chest.
You wake up at the sound of your ears popping and the plane landing against the Virginia airport grounds. You stand up and gather your things, picking up the bag you were gifted for your twelfth birthday, a leather satchel with clasps. It was from Spencer after you mentioned how you thought his satchel was cute.
Spencer is sitting across from you on the playground, reading through the science book you were given today by Mrs. Handerburry for seventh-grade science. Spencer was in eighth-grade but was only a month older than you. “This is what you have to read for Genetics. Did you know that humans are more than 99% identical in our genetic makeup? The one percent is still being researched, but it's said that it holds cures for diseases.”
You smile at Spencer, the lanky, finally hitting puberty with his hair behind his ears and thick glasses on his nose as he excitedly explains genetics to you. He's been your best friend since forever, with his awkwardness and long bones. People picked on you surely for being friends with him, or even relating yourself to him, but you didn't care. “Oh wow. Maybe someone in this world has the cure for everything, like something magical.”
Spencer laughs at you but continues explaining the theory of Genetics and giving you fun facts during it. However, as much as you try and understand him, you're staring at him and he makes your belly feel like there's butterflies. Like how it feels before the first day of school and staring at the double doors to walk in. He stops for a second, taking a moment to breathe, and you lean in and kiss his lips before pulling away.
Spencer is a blushing flustered mess as you scramble out some words to explain why you did that. “I don't even know why I—” Spencer kisses you again, a little longer than last time but he quickly pulls away. “It’s okay.” Spencer tells you and that's all you need before you lay your head on his shoulder and let him read out the boring science book, in which, you were definitely not listening to.
You're pulled out of the memory whenever one of the security guards is taking your stuff and letting you walk into the Quantico headquarters. It's much nicer than yours, with things actually furnaced off. Angela takes your arm and shows you the way around to the meeting room. You take a breath in and walk into the room, recognizing the Technical Analyst and SSA Aaron Hotchner from an old case you ran by with him.
He's introducing your team to his team and you're staring at the screen at the pictures from the incidents. “— And finally, this is Agent L/N, an expert in the children's abduction cases.” Penelope shakes your hand and gives you a huge smile and you smile back at her before she goes to the screen to explain more of the case. You stand behind the table and listen intently to Miss. Garcia. “Are the children getting abducted before or after the Mother's? Maybe our unsub wants to torture the mothers before. Losing children can be extremely heartbreaking for the mothers, giving the unsub to tell her to ‘come to save her child’.
“It wouldn't explain the covering of the bodies with baby blankets. It shows remorse.” Angela says to everyone, ending with nods and other people agreeing. “Well, we'll figure it out. Wheels up in 30.” Agent Hotchner says and walks out of the room. You're talking with Angela gently about a different topic, while you sip on a coffee. “I think we should go ahead and get ready. We have 25 minutes until we have to leave.. do you have your stuff? Your suitcase and bag?” You nod at her and follow her out of the room.
The plane is getting ready, and it is much larger than any jet the FBI had provided for you. You step onto the steps, walking up and Angela follows behind. You stare back at the seats and see an empty one and you walk towards and sit down, setting your stuff to the side of you and pulling out Pride & Prejudice and immediately stuck your nose in it.
You see a mop of brown hair above your book, staring at you. You pull the book down, and you recognize his face immediately. “Spencer..?” His name falls from your lips like a prayer and you smile widely. He sits down as he grips onto his leather satchel, the same one that matches yours. You can see the patch still sewed into one of the straps that you did in tenth grade.
“Y/N, you know I'm leaving tomorrow.” Spencer sighs as he lays in bed next to you. You're in tenth grade and you've grown up since that day in seventh, the day you kissed him. Your face is different and your eyes have grown up as well as Spencer stares into them. “Give me your bag.” You command quietly as you wipe the tears from your eyes, and you pull out your sewing kit from your drawer. You had bought a patch off the Internet, it was a picture of you and Spencer on it.
You pull out the needle and thread and begin weaving it through the fabric and sewing it on. “Oh.. it's our picture.” The ‘our’ makes you smile and you look up at him. “Yeah, I think it'll remind you of me when you get big one day. When you're up on the board with Einstein and Tesla.” Spencer laughs and sits his head on your shoulder. He's watching you sew and telling you to be careful to not poke yourself.
Spencer eventually falls asleep and is gently snoring against you, his head stuck between your head and your shoulder. “Spence— hey Spence, c'mon wake up.” You giggle when he wakes up with a small shout and a sleepy smile. “I’m awake, I'm awake.” You hand him his bag, the patch sewed on and a smile on your face. Spencer is in love— and the person he's in love with is leaving until he's done with his PHD and his Doctorate, so years.
He takes his bag with a big smile on his face, but the tears welling in his eyes tell you a different story. “We’ll find each other. We always do, Smart boy.”
“I knew I'd find you. I tried to call, but nothing was working.” Spencer tells you shaking his head. You smile at him and scoot over to be right next to him. “I got a new phone, which also means a new number. Welcome to the new age.” You laughed with Spencer as you stared into his eyes again. Those butterflies you felt in seventh-grade suddenly came out of their cocoon and were flying around once more.
“I missed you, a lot. You're working in the child abduction unit now? That's pretty cool.” Spencer stares into your eyes, and the nostalgia sits inside of them. “I missed you too, and the unit had been missing someone I had a degree in and studied, so I took it.” Spencer lets out that smile that can make anyone smile, where his top teeth are showing proudly.
“You grew up, huh? You definitely still got that boyish look I love.” You teased and his cheeks turned a shade of crimson. “And your crazy hair.” You add and he laughs. You can't help but hug him in your arms, and that spark you felt so many years ago lights once more. “God, I missed you.” Is all you can let out as he practically lies against you with his head in your shoulder.
Spencer is in a blue, 80s styled suit and you have your prom dress styled in the 80s fashion as well. He was allowed to go to prom, even if he was 15 years old in Senior Year. “Bet we look like fools.” You say during the slow dance, only swaying gently to the Frank Sinatra that fills the gymnasium. He's smiling at you with his eyes staring into yours. “Definitely, totally. Look at your hair, you look like Farrah Fawcett.” Spencer teases back at you and you lay your head against his chest. Spencer had grown to 6'1, towering over most other people.
You're laying against his chest as you listen to Spencer's heartbeat. “I always loved Frank Sinatra. My mom bought me a walkman when I was five and I listened to Watertown until the tape broke.” You laugh gently at the thought, and you're singing along to the jazz until it ends. The DJ starts yelling about ‘getting the party started!’.
“Do you wanna sneak out with me?” Spencer asked with a mischievous smirk on his face and you nodded at him and he pulled you through the crowd. “Always!”
You see the stares from you and Spencer’s team as you laugh with him. He tells his dumb science and math jokes and you laugh at him as you tell him old stories from your younger years. A tall, built man walks up to you and Spencer and flashes a smile at you. “Hey Pretty Boy, find yourself a girlfriend?” He sits down and shakes Spencer's shoulders and shakes out his moppy hair.
“Y/N, this is Agent Derek Morgan. Derek this is Y/N, my best friend since childhood.” Spencer introduces and you shake Derek's hand and flash your own smile. “How long have you known Spencer?” Morgans asks, sitting down in the seat next to yours and Spencer's. “Twenty years now? We met whenever we were ten years old.” Derek opens his mouth in surprise, and slaps his hand on Spencer's shoulders again.
“We’ll talk later L/N.” Derek tells you, pointing his finger at you before walking away. Spencer circles next to his ear and points at Derek, showing that he thinks he's crazy for acting like it. You laugh once more and hold his hand in yours. “I can't believe you're so, up on the board with Einstein now and Tesla.” Spencer nods. “Its the 180 iQ and my three PhDs probably.”
Now, you're the one surprised. “Three?” He nods and you sit up. “That’s amazing, Spencer. I knew you'd get far, ever since middle school when you read through my science book; four times.” He smiles and you laugh at his weird look in his eyes. “I’m tired and I'm gonna sleep until we get there.” You tell him and lean back on the plush, beige seats.
Spencer's hand goes to your calf, running his fingers up and down or pretending to run down your bent leg. It's peaceful and calm, and it's everything he's missed. Derek wiggles his eyebrows at him and Spencer sticks out his tongue childishly. He would ask you about what he was thinking eventually in the hotel room, and he was praying for the answer he wanted. For you to take him back, like you did in his younger years.
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reasonsmandy · 11 months
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Let me show you how amazing you are
Warren Rojas x Fem!Reader
✧.* requested by two anon — ¹ Could you do 29 with Warren Rojas ❤️ ² could you write something where the reader is pregnant and their boobs are sore and warren helps them? doesn’t have to be smutty if youre not comfortable, just some hurt/comfort :)
✧.* summary — The first trimester of pregnancy wasn't going to be easy, but Warren always made everything so much easier.
✧.* warnings — smut, MINORS DNI, mentions of pregnancy
✧.* word count — 1.4k
✧.* 🥁 — Warren's masterlist
✧.* mandy's notes — Hi darlings, I hope you are all well. I've been a bit down so I hope you guys don't notice the posting frequency going down. Good reading 🫶🏾
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You feel the warm rays of sunlight on your body through the curtains in your bedroom, you open your eyes slowly to find your boyfriend with messy curls over his face, you smile and move closer to him. He feels your presence and as he always snuggles closer to you, you lay your head against his chest and feel his bare skin against yours. The moment of comfort is short-lived when you groggily open your eyes, to be greeted by an unwelcome sensation that has become your constant companion.
Your breasts ache and throb, as if they've been taken hostage by an unrelenting force. Every touch, every slight movement sends a sharp, piercing pain through your body, leaving you gritting your teeth in frustration. The pull of your boyfriend against your body woke up the pain, making you moan, the changes in your breasts, once a symbol of femininity and allure, now bring only discomfort.
They've swelled and become tender, making it nearly impossible to find a comfortable position or wear anything without aggravating the pain. Your once-familiar body feels foreign and unruly, and you can't help but mourn the loss of ease and familiarity. It was your first trimester of pregnancy and things weren't going so well, you felt sick most mornings, your body was different and it was having a hard time getting used to everything. You sigh in frustration moving away from Rojas' body, making him open his eyes.
"What's wrong mami ?" He asks, his voice was husky yet sleepy. He hadn't opened his eyes yet, you didn't remember what time he went to sleep last night you just remembered him staying up with you until you got over the nausea.
You don't answer him, getting up and covering your body with the sheet. He then opens his eyes worriedly, "Hermosa, hey, come here."
He holds your hands, and you sit down next to him. Your hormones were consuming you, you didn't want to worry him anymore, you felt like you were upsetting him too much lately.
He holds your face tenderly, kissing your lips to reassure you, after that he looks you in the eyes and asks "What happened?"
"Everything hurts!" You exclaim in frustration, he sees your eyes fill with tears and you hold them back, he caresses your cheek letting his hand go down your neck to your shoulder in affection. "I feel so overwhelmed, ugh!"
You close your face and he watches you carefully, capturing everything you had to pass on. You look at him for a while, taking a deep breath. "I feel nauseous all the time, my boobs hurt, my skin is different, I feel ugly–"
"Stop!" He interrupts you, as if he's heard the most absurd thing in the world. "Let me stop you right there cariño…"
He pauses, his eyes brimming with love and reassurance, before continuing, "If someone asked me to define beauty I would simply show you pretty girl, like, damn look at you mami!" He smiles, licking his lips, looking at you with the greatest admiration in the world. "I was going to say that I understand that it is not easy but I will never understand one hundred percent how you feel here, but know that I am willing to understand as much as possible."
You smile, feeling your cheeks blush, you see him open a naughty smile "Let me show you how amazing you are..."
"What do you have in mind?" You question arching your eyebrow.
Rojas smiles approaching you, he kisses you tenderly and you feel yourself melting at his touch that man was your home. You take your hands to his waist and he kisses your neck, the hair of his mustache tickles your skin, a delicious feeling that you loved. He feels you gasp with his kisses and smiles into his skin, you bring one of your hands to his curls and he pulls away from your neck
"Stop baby, let me take care of you." He says, taking your hand away from him, and you feel butterflies in your stomach at his command.
You settle in delivery, he turns his attention to your neck, kissing, licking, sucking and wanting you completely, he loves seeing your every delivery, every sigh, every moan, every scratch on his waist. He then undoes the grip that the sheet has on your body, leaving you completely exposed to him, you feel your body shiver with his gaze on you.
He looks at you for a while that seems like an eternity to you, you think about covering your body again but he doesn't leave you time.
"Get on the bed!" He commands, and you immediately do so. "Fucking hell you're so pretty." He says still watching you at the foot of the bed.
He climbs on top of you, his heat on you is like the fit of two perfect pieces you sigh when you feel him close, feeling complete next to him. He leaves a peck on your lips, making a path of kisses to the middle of your breasts, he kisses there and looks up at you.
"Tell me if it hurts you, alright?" He whispers, you nod whimpering, feeling his breath against your skin.
Rojas doesn't take long, he kisses your left breast tenderly, he kisses around it while he caresses the other one, you immediately moan. He smiles looking into your eyes, he licks your left nipple and you moan louder grabbing the bed and intertwining your legs in his torso, despite the pain you felt in that period the sensitivity was so good. He pulls away from your left breast smiling at you, still spreading kisses all over it until he gets to your right, he flirts, threatening to suck the other one, playing with you.
"Fuck Rojas, stop playing with me." You exclaim, almost like you're begging. He loved seeing you like this.
He pulls away, approaching your face and kissing you. His hand was still teasing your breast as his mouth explored yours, you moan against his mouth pulling him closer and closer.
He kisses you intensely, you feel on cloud nine every second, he holds your legs pulling you to intertwine more behind his back. He pats your ass twice, whispering "Get on top of me", you don't take long to obey the command by climbing on his lap and kissing him fiercely. He holds your waist affectionately while he repeats your kiss, his other hand holds your hair, he releases the kiss to return to paying attention to your breasts again and you delight in the pleasure he gives you.
He makes you roll your eyes, your body melting with every touch, every move, every kiss, every word. Until he guides you to the peak of pleasure, holding you close as the waves of ecstasy course through your body. He kisses you tenderly, not wanting to let you go, showering you with love and showing you how much you matter.
As your breathing begins to steady, he lays you down beside him, gently stroking your hair. His lips find their way to your head, placing a soft kiss as he wraps his arms around you. "I'm so proud of you, cariño. You did such a good job."
You nestle into his embrace, feeling comforted by his presence. After a while, you tilt your head, pressing a grateful kiss to his cheek before pulling back to meet his gaze. "Thank you, my pretty boy. I really needed this."
He returns your kiss, his lips curving into a smile against yours. "No need to thank me. Now, how about you and I go take a shower together, mami?"
You can't help but smile excitedly at the idea, nodding eagerly. "Yes, let's do that."
Just as you're about to leave the room, he pauses, mischief glinting in his eyes. "By the way, mami," he says, his voice teasing, "you want the bad news or the almost good news?"
You raise an eyebrow, a playful smirk forming on your lips. "Alright, give me the bad news first."
He grins mischievously. "Well, it seems we're running out of hot water."
You let out a mock gasp, feigning surprise. "Oh no, that's terrible! And what's the 'almost good news'?"
His smile widens as he pulls you closer, whispering playfully in your ear, "The 'almost good news' is that we'll just have to find other ways to keep warm in there."
You laugh hiding your face in his neck, he wraps his arm around your waist as he laughs with you. He tickles you until you're tired and kisses you when you're done catching your breath.
"I'm so fucking in love with you." He says, after kissing you. "Now let's take a shower." He says carrying you to the bathroom.
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purpleqilinwrites · 2 months
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in every season.
a/n: i know i should be writing my cp2077 au fic, but i couldn't not write a fae thing with akaashi.
fandom: haikyuu!!
character: akaashi keiji
genre: fluff
info: reader is a faerie; akaashi is human; established relationship (akaashi is your lover)
warnings: -
synopsis: akaashi finds himself reminiscing on his life with you, by the sea.
word count: 0.8k
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Akaashi Keiji
The early summer sea lapped at his feet, balmy in the gaps between his toes before retreating down the slant of the shore. Akaashi watched the white crests of foam on their march back to the sea, shouting your name to call your attention to the telltale divots in the sand before him. You quickly came into view from his left, the lower hems of your hakama now dark with seawater from when the fickle water caught you by surprise earlier on. Holding up a basket made of woven reeds to your chest, you gestured into it before starting off in the direction he was pointing at.
You lowered yourself to a squat with a grunt, using your magic to whisk yourself closer to where the water caressed the shore. He laughed, taking careful steps as he walked down the gentle incline of the shore and then mirroring your action with a more laboured sound.
"I'll take care of it, Keiji," you said, loud enough for his senior ears to pick up, meeting his eyes with a smile as you busied your hands with digging small brown clams out of the sand. The skin at the outermost corners of your eyes crimped with your smile, and he couldn't resist leaning over to caress your wrinkles with his thumb.
"I'd rather you left the chores to the hired hands, my love. You should be resting," he said, pressing a kiss to your shoulder and feeling his bones ache in protest. "We didn't leave so you could keep working to your old age."
It had been more than a handful of decades since the two of you left the Fair Realm. By mortal standards, he ought to be no more than a heap of dust and bones at his age. By contrast, the fae would consider you only a little more experienced in life than a child, since you weren't even two hundred years old.
Well, you and him both.
It seemed as though it was only a few days ago that the two of you were young, with no more than a large burlap sack of food and a considerably smaller one of gold, running from Alfheim with clasped hands. Years away from your native realm appeared to blot out the divinity in your fae blood, slowly but surely, and you were beginning to have a time-kissed form that was indistinguishable from that of a mortal, even without the use of magic.
You grew older outside the Fair Realm, time adorning your features the same way that it made its mark on his. Though, for argument's sake, you aged much more gracefully than he did. Your head only began to sprout grey hairs a few years ago. With your barely silver-streaked head and your wrinkles deepening to visibility only when you smiled, you were outwardly much younger than he was, even if the two of you were born in the very same year.
The swell of your cheek was nestled in his palm, and Akaashi felt extremely fortunate to be able to witness you reaching your golden years. It was a sight that would've eluded his mortal lifespan entirely if he remained in Alfheim. After all, the full breadth of days afforded to a mortal such as himself was nothing more than a couple of childhood summers picking fruit to the long-lived fae.
"I've yet to become too old and tired to court you with foraged clams," you said, playful, hands coming up off the sun-warmed shore to cup his face. He watched you pause, remembering that there was sand sticking to your summer-damp skin. With a chuckle, you dropped your hands back where the clams were hiding, nosing into the crook of his neck instead.
A sound of fondness came bubbling up from his heart and up out of his mouth. It brought to his remembrance that lively stream that ran along the home you used to share in Alfheim, teeming with fish that you took to catching with your bare hands, making sure to show them off to him as he watched from his perch on a rock alongside the water. He supposed that you scooping clams out of the sand was the equivalent action for you in the mortal realm. Even after all these years, you still enjoyed providing food for the table, in the same way that he would always enjoy preparing it and eating it with you.
"You already have me," Akaashi said. His mouth curved easily to the shape of fae-speak, knowing that the language of your home realm was sweeter to your pointed ears than any poetry breathed in the tongue of this mortal island that adopted the pair of you.
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itsvici0usbaby · 2 years
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As long as it’s not about love || Eddie Munson
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Eddie Munson x goth !fem! reader
A/N : I haven’t seen a lot of Eddie x goth/alt reader so I just absolutely had to! Also I'm so sorry. I've totally gone overboard with this but I couldn't stop– I swear, the things this man does to me …
Warnings: smut (18+) Minors DNI, oral sex; f! & m! receiving, cunnilingus, unprotected sex, fingering, dirty talk, public sex, cumming inside [don’t forget tho: Don’t be a fool, cover your tool!]
Word count : 7.3k
A one shot inspired by the song 'As long as it’s not about love' by Dio. Highly recommend listening! (I know the song came out in 2000 but it’s one of my favorites sooo-)
'From the first time we touched with our eyes, only magic could take away my heart.'
He had a tight grip on your hand, guiding you through the rowdy crowd. The stereo blared overhead, and young people stood to either side of you, the collection of empty shot glasses and beer mugs everywhere suggested career drinkers. The bar was hundreds of conversations told in loud voices, all of them competing with the loud metal music that dominated the atmosphere.
He came to an abrupt halt, causing you to crush into his back. You gasped, wanting to apologize but before you even could as much as open your mouth, he was walking again. His long frizzy hair looked so inviting, your hands tingling at the thought of having them go through his pretty curls.
And as he walked in front of you, you took your time to admire him, notice every detail you could. Like how the back of his battle vest had a patch of one of your favorite bands on it; Dio, the last in line. Alone that made him incredibly attractive. Or how the zipper of his leather jacket sleeve was re-enforced with chains that would surely have made noises if it wasn't so loud in here...
You were snapped out of your daze as his grip tightened, it was almost like he was scared that if he let go, you'd simply vanish. Granted, you were scared of that very same thing. How often would you meet a person you clicked with the way you did with him?
"You okay back there?" He peaked over his shoulder, smiling at you so sweetly you almost had a heart attack. You couldn't answer, too engrossed in his brown hues that held so much mischief, and so much mystery. Perhaps, that's what attracted you to him the most; that peculiar behavior you had picked up on right from the bet.
"Hey, hey, hey. You still there?" He'd turned around at this point, his hand still holding yours, but the smile on his face was replaced by a worried frown. "If you want to stay for the rest of the gig, I understand. I just thought, maybe we could scram and-"
"Eddie." You stopped him before he could ramble on, hand squeezing his assuringly. You didn't know him for long, but saying his name like that made the butterflies in your stomach come to life. You could say his name again and again, over and over and over again ... Eddie. Eddie. Eddie!
He looked at you, and even in the dimly lit room he could see your beautiful e/c orbs, they looked so vibrant and alive in contrast to your dark eye make-up. You were gorgeous, it was almost like you weren't even real. But your warm, sweaty hand in his, squeezing it so tight, convinced him otherwise. Your h/c hair clung to your forehead and neck, and your black velvety dress to your body like a second skin, and he found himself wondering how you'd managed to survive the night in this thing. Oh, what he would give to rip it off you...
His heart skipped a beat as your dark red painted and pierced lips etched up in a genuine smile; one that made all his worries vanish, all his insecurities disappear. His heart pounded against his chest, he was almost worried you would be able to hear it, though that would've been impossible with the loud music filling everyone's ear drums.
"Shut up and keep going."
"Yes ma'am!" You smiled as he wasted no time, body pushing through the crowd with you walking closely behind him just like you did before.
Once you were outside the stifling bar, Eddie watched as you rummaged through your bag before you twirled a lighter between your fingertips, raising it to the tip of your smoke and ignited it with practiced expertise. You inhaled, ensuring that the thing was evenly lit before you pulled back and rested your back against a wall.
"You don't mind, do you?"
He shook his head, walking over to stand beside you. Of course he didn't mind, the stash of weed in his trailer popped up in his mind and he silently snickered to himself.
Not before long, Eddie's eyes shifted to be on you, and he just watched, which was a rare occasion –Eddie loved talking. But he was in a trance, your red lipstick stained the tipping paper as you exhaled the smoke with your eyes closed, enjoying the first drag. His orbs trailed down to your black velvety dress yet again, it reached a few centimeters above your knees and softly hugged your curves in all the right places. Your outfit was pimped with fishnets, and scarlet creepers.
There was something so dark, eerie and mysterious about you –aside from your gothic appearance– and the town's freak was smitten. In fact, he was from the very first time he saw you sip on a beer, watching some unknown metal band perform. And even more so when he got a chance to talk to you. You were smart, feisty and not afraid to speak up if things bothered you; that much he was able to pick up by now.
The car ride was dominated by loud music being played, both your heads moving along to the heavy bass, your voices surely obnoxiously loud singing along to Welcome home, by Metallica.
And you couldn't help but steal a few longing glances, drinking in all that was him. His hair that swayed whenever he'd pop his head back and forth to the rhythm, his eyes that would shift to look at you here and there, and his hands with all those pretty rings. You caught yourself wondering what it'd be like to feel his fingertips glide over your bare skin. Feeling his breath against your neck as he whispers sweet things into your ear, the cold feeling of his rings against your hot skin...
"I know a great place where we could chill for a while if you'd be, uhh... up for that?" He talked over the music, head shifting in your direction to look at you quizzically.
A lake. It was a beautiful lake he'd let you to. Since you moved here, you didn't get the chance to explore Hawkins, so you were grateful he showed you such beauty. Though, you were much more interested in the man laying next to you. His head propped up by his arms, he looked so peaceful watching the sky.
On the way here, you had both gotten rid of your shoes, wanting to feel the grass, soft and mellow beneath your soles. You loved being barefoot in these cozy months of blossom, even in the middle of the night.There was a kind of freedom to it, that natural feel you suppose. It was good, calming.
Eddie could see the reflection of the landscape which he had grown so familiar over the years, with he knew every tree and pebble in sight. He knew the lone mountain in the distance, towering above everything in sight and yet, still seeming astonishingly small and overpowered by his thought and feelings. At the foot of it, a pine forest unfolded and spread all around the water. There was the mist, creeping down from the mountains, sneaking its way between the thick tree trunks. And right next to him were you; laying in the grass,staring at the night sky as the moon illuminated your features.
Have you ever felt drawn to someone? Felt an irresistible attraction? A mystical power compelling you to get closer to someone and get to know them? Yes? Well,this was exactly how Eddie felt. He didn't know if he was just crazy or if this was real, but he was keen to find out.
"Fuck, shit ... god-fuckin' damnit." He cursed, causing you to look over at him, surprised at his sudden outburst. He looked conflicted, teeth chewing on his lower lip nervously, hands fumbling with one of his rings.
"I really, really, REALLY want to kiss you right now." Your heart beat picked up, surprised at his straight forwardness. But that's just how Eddie was, he was loud, and blunt and if he wanted something, god forbid!
"Then do it" you breathed out, giggling once you saw him exhale the breath he'd been holding. And he grinned, boyish and mischievous, so absolutely charming it made you want to jump at him, devour him.
His chain that was attached to his jeans rattled as he scooped closer, his hair now ticking your skin as his lips hovered over your own. The warm feeling of his breath, although destabilizing, was inviting. His smell was intoxicating, though you couldn't say what exactly he smelled like, it was a mixture of scents. Beer,cigarettes and sweat. It all was just ... Eddie.
"So.. Just to make sure once again, uh, you're alright with it, right?" He spoke softly, fingers gently brushing over your sides. You shuddered.
"Yes."
There wasn't a moment of hesitation. His mouth was on yours, and you stopped breathing. He shuddered as he felt the cold sensation of the piercings that decorated your lips, and there was a sound from the back of his throat, half groan, half moan. Little shivers of pleasure and panic shot through you, as your brain stopped working. Sealing the tiny space between, you pressed against him, digging your fingers into his hair. It was soft, silky, just as you had imagined. You sparked alive, your heart swelled to the point of near bursting. The rush of sensations crawling across your body was maddening. Scary. Thrilling.
His hands were on your hips, and he lifted you up as if you were made of air. Your legs wrapped around his waist and soon you were straddling his lap, but your lips remained sealed. It was like you couldn't get enough of each other. You were devouring one another, drowning in each other. In him you'd found someone to connect with that night, someone that made you feel alive. Someone that wasn't as shallow as everyone else around you.
Your kiss slowed, becoming tender and infinitely more. It was like you were getting to know each other on an intimate level. Though that part usually came after getting to know each other emotionally, it didn't bother either of you, not in that moment of neediness, that moment of wanting to feel each other. You were breathless and dazed, unprepared for all of this, but your body ached for more than just kisses and touching– for more of him. And you knew he did, too. His body shook like yours. It was easy to get lost in him, lost in this connection between you. The world–the universe– simply ceased to exist.
"Eddie." You said, once he pulled away, almost wheezing for air at this point, "Want you." You didn't know why. Why you were here, at some place unknown, with someone you had just met, someone you didn't know much about.
And there was no reasonable answer to that question. Because the one answer you did come up with, was more than unreasonable.
What was rational about thinking he was the one you'd been searching for? The answer was simple. Nothing. It was just a feeling you had, a feeling that you weren't able to get rid of from the moment he clumsily asked if you'd want a drink. The moment he smiled at you so vibrant and free, it pulled you in. The moment you realized he wasn't a superficial person, wasn't like the many men you had encountered before.
His brown orbs met yours and he tilted his head to the side playfully, a shit eating grin playing on his lips. He thought you were the cutest thing, sitting there on his lap, lips swollen and dark red lipstick smudged. He was sure he had it all over his mouth, too, but there was nothing more appealing and romantic than that very thought. For Eddie Munson, that is.
"Here? Ya want me... right here?" His eyebrows raised, the grip he had on your waist never once loosened. "Well to be honest, I thought we could listen to some mind–blowing, ass–kicking music while this continues, but I guess ..." he sighed dramatically, "...I guess this'll have to do..."
You nudged his side, pouting adorably as you removed your hands from his curls completely, though all in good humor. Eddie's eyes, however, momentarily widened, hoping you didn't get the wrong idea. And, of course you didn't, but you decided to play your part a little longer, wondering how he'd try to convince you that he was merely joking.
And so you moved a little, implying that you'd get off his lap, but he was fast to snake his arms around your middle, keeping you in place.
"No, no, no, no, no! I want you, like, so bad. Like, crazy bad. Absolutely mind-exploding bad." He rambled, and you couldn't help but giggle at his cute antics, ultimately breaking character. "In fact, I want you so bad that I would totally kick my own ass if you would just up and leave now and–"
You shut him up with the rocking of your hips against his, lips connecting anew, and you could've sworn he gasped at your sudden and bold movement. His fingers dug into the soft flesh of your hips, his insistent mouth was parting your shaking lips, sending wild tremors along your nerves, evoking from your sensations you had never known you were capable of feeling. He hummed into your mouth, a pleasant sound, one that reminded you of comfort, of home.The low timbre of his voice made you shiver as he was this close.
"Guess that means you'll stay.", he muttered against your lips, and his hands moved from your waist to your back and his fingers fumbled with your dress' zipper. He parted, only to look at your flurried face, eager to drink it that expression you wore.
"I can take it off right? That must've been so uncomfortable ..."
"Says the guy with a leather jacket and a battle vest on." You rebutted, glaring at him playfully. "But we could also just get rid of it while we're at it." And before he could say or do anything, you beat him to his plans as your fingers already took a hold of his jackets, sliding both off his shoulders in one go. And he didn't complain– only helped you by wiggling out of his utterly unnecessary clothing as he tossed it to the side carelessly.
You stared at the shirt he still wore, fingers gliding over the fabric. "Hellfire club?" You raised an eyebrow as you finally got to ask the question that had been on the tip of your tongue for a while.
"It's a Dungeons & Dragons club. I'm kinda like .. the head of 'em. " He explained, one hand finally unzipping your dress while you were too engrossed in the shirt's print and his sweet little bats tattoo that you spotted on his forearm. You wondered how many more tattoos he was hiding under that shirt of his...
"Oh! That satanic role-play game!" You teased, lips curling up into a smirk. "Should I be scared of you now? Since you're a cult leader and all.."
"Oh most definitely! Don't you see how utterly sinful I am behaving?" With those words, he slid your dress up, and over your head while you worked your arms out of the sleeves. The metalhead stared, your black laced bra leaving little to nothing to the imagination. And you gasped, the chilly night air finally hitting your exposed , heated skin and leaving goosebumps in its waking.
"I must've closed a damn good deal with the devil."
His words were spoken softly, eyes admiring your breasts, he surely didn't expect this. The see-through material clearly showed that both your nipples were decorated with cute metal jewelries, and he couldn't wait to flick and lick away at them.
Suddenly you felt self conscious, all you wanted to do was hide from his burning gaze. You blushed, lips pulled into a frown as you squirmed in your place. You weren't usually a shy person when it came to undressing or showing off, but somehow it was different with Eddie. You felt like a damn virgin under his observance.
"Uh-uh." He clicked his tongue, somehow knowing what you were about to do, but he gently took both of your wrists, holding on to them so you couldn't hide away. "Not gonna happen. Abso–fucking–lutely not."
"Then don't stare like that!"
"Like what?"
"Like..like –"
"Like I totally want to rip that useless thing off you?" He asked, grinning as his lips came up to your ear, his fingertips already trailing over your back as he hooked a finger under the fabric. You were too distracted by his warm breath tickling your cheek to realize what he was doing, his scent invading your nostrils and causing your brain to go blank momentarily.
"That's most likely because I do." You didn't know how–or when– he did it, but from one second to the other, he'd already opened your bra clip, leaving you no time to react as your bra was removed, quick hands slipping the straps off your shoulders, as the piece of fabric landed in your lap.
"Creep." You muttered and watched him throw your bra into the same direction he'd tossed his jacket to; somewhere completely abandoned.
Eddie smiled at your insult, his eyes taking in the sight of your fully exposed chest. "Fuck." He harshly whispered as he moved forward, taking one of your breasts in his hand, the cold sensation of his rings against your burning skin made you gasp, "You're fucking perfect." He ran his thump and pointer finger over your nipple, taking your piercing between them and you whined, the metalhead's eyes cutting to yours with a boyish grin on his face.
"Did that feel good?" You barely had any time to think of an answer before he took your other nipple in his mouth, tongue lapping over and over, pulling out all kinds of pretty sounds from you. A strained whine left your lips as he rolled your piercing around on his tongue, playing with it. God, he would've given up his whole music collection if it meant he could hear more of this.
You tangled your hands into his wild curls, feeling his lips move on to leave little kisses everywhere he could reach. The feeling of his mouth so warm and wet on your bare skin sent a burst of heat straight to your core and made it ache as a small sound escaped you.
Your nails grazed his scalp and you felt the man underneath you shudder, making you seethe with desire. You continued your ministrations on his hair, pressing your fingers into the tender parts of his scalp and scraping it gently, combing back his hair repeatedly with your fingers.
"I think I like this." Eddie sighed out, your eyes locked with his own, and you couldn't find it in you to look away. Eddie Munson held you in an immobile trance, and the bastard knew what he was doing to you, too.
You held his head in your hands now from the back, supporting yourself. Eddie had his arms wrapped around you, settling on your lower back. He smiled up at you sweetly, licking his lips, his eyes intent on you as you took the chance to reach your hands out to impatiently slide his shirt up and over his torso, shoulders, and head before you tossed the fabric onto the ground.
Finally you could take a good look at him and the tattoos littering his skin, eyes taking in everything he had to offer. As you continued to stare, you came to the realization that Eddie was the epitome of perfect in your books quite honestly. Your eyes shamelessly gazed at the soft, plush skin that stretched across his abdomen and pectorals. You could clearly see the definition in the soft light of the moon, leaving hints of abs and –dare you say–delicious pecs. They were gently raised on his chest and expanded with every soft inhale he made.
Eddie didn't say anything, didn't stop you when your hands came up to his chest, fingertips grazing his skin. He just watched you, enjoying the attention on him. Because quite honestly, he didn't get it very often. In fact, there's never been a woman that looked at him the way you did, burning his face, his body into your memory so intensely. Engrossed into the artwork on his skin, you admired the piece on his right inner forearm, probably your favorite followed by his bats tattoo.A puppet. Weird, metal, and so absolutely fitting for him.
"I love your tattoos." you cooed, shifting closer before you let your lips trail over his chest, tongue gently lapping over the inked skin on his left side. Your fingers played with his guitar pick necklace, as he hummed appreciatively.
When you were finished admiring and touching, you allowed your eyes to travel further down. There was a trail of black hair that laid flat against his lower stomach, trailing underneath the waistband of his ripped jeans. You felt your face get warmer as you stared at his groin now, seeing that there was a prominent bulge in a protruding outline.
Taking a deep breath in, you gently placed your hand on his groin, cupping his bulge ever so gently. Your heartbeat raced in your chest and your breath stuttered. It was thick from what you could feel in your hands, you wondered how he'd feel inside of you.
"Holy mother of Jesus." Eddie's fingertips were still gliding over your back, hands slightly shaky. His words just egged you on even more as you rubbed his dick through his pants with more pressure, the stimulation made Eddie groan. The noise he made was so fucking hot, and you wanted more. You wanted to hear him moan and tell you how good it felt.
Surprised at your own thoughts, you realized that you were trembling. You needed to regain your composure.You had never really wanted something like that before, but something about this man made you feral on the inside. Just the thought of him made you release pheromones and you could feel your arousal, hot and slick inside your panties.
You gently moved off his lap, sitting next to him now, your cheeks flushed and heart beating wildly against  your chest because of what you're about to do.
"Can I?"
Eddie looked almost offended at your question, hand coming up to where his heart is, "How rude!" His face came dangerously close to you, lips hovering over your ear. "Of course you can! Want you to show me how good your pretty little mouth feels around my cock."
Your face burned red as you leaned down, using every bit of confidence you could muster. And so you slowly, and with shaking hands, opened his black leather belt before lowering his bottoms, coarser tufts of hair appeared. He obviously kept it trimmed up and you were appreciative. You basically drooled and you took his jeans and briefs down far enough and reached in gently to remove his dick so it wouldn't spring out. As soon as you wrapped your hand around it to pull it out, you felt him twitch.
"Mmmm... fuck." You audibly heard Eddie moan, and as you looked at his face, he had his eyes half closed, lips pressed together firmly.
Removing it from its covers, your eyes widened at the extremity. His cock was thick and decently long, standing proud in your hand. You could barely wrap your whole hand around it. A vein ran up the bottom of his shaft and spiraled halfway around the circumference to the tip of it. You gave an experimental stroke or two and felt how soft it was and how easily your skin glided across it. There was no way to describe it other than pretty.
At your more prominent actions, Eddie let out a hum, bucking his hips up and therefore moving his cock in your soft hand, begging to be touched. You swore he couldn't get any harder than this, but he proved you wrong. The tip was an angry red and he became hotter to the touch. The blood flowing through him made his arousal more outstanding than ever. You couldn't help but stare at the throbbing dick in your hand, squeezing it gently again, earning yourself another groan from the man of the hour.
Stroking him a couple more times, you leaned your head closer, breath fanning over his throbbing length. A trail of clear precum leaked out of his hot tip, and you stroked it a couple more times before enveloping it with your lips, flattening your tongue and sucking off the sticky liquid.
You felt a hand snake in your hair and gently grip your locks, encouraging you to continue. "You're gonna be the death of me." He growled, pushing your head down with encouraging pressure as you enveloped him, sinking your head down to accommodate his length in your wet mouth. But holy fuck, having him moan and grip your hair as you felt his rings against your scalp was a major turn on, and it motivated you to do whatever it took to pleasure him.
You continued your onslaught of moving your head, sucking, licking, and moving your tongue on his dick and you could tell he was holding back from just fucking your face by his restrained bucks into your mouth. It was hot.
He watched as your lipstick blemished his cock, pierced lips working wonders, but if anything it only made him grow harder at the sight.
"You're so beautiful, blowing me so well." You groaned at his compliment, and it turned you on even more. He was definitely a little too good at this. You felt his dick twitch in your mouth, and Eddie let out a choked moan. You slackened your mouth more, speeding up and letting his dick hit the back of your throat. Time and time again.
"Wait.... fuck.. I'm close, stop, or else...." He gently tugged you off of him, but you weren't having any of that.
Thanks for the consideration, Eddie.
You shoved your head down against his grip, moaning on his cock as you sped up, feeling him near his end. He hardened more in your mouth, and he started twitching.
"Wait! Fuck. No! you can't. I- I'm gonna..." He could barely finish his sentence, the sensations overwhelming his senses. He threw his head back against the grass, and it was too late. You slid your mouth down on him one final time and you felt hot spurts of cum fill the back of your mouth, and he bucked his hips, his cock hitting your throat. Hard. You didn't gag, but it was a little uncomfortable. But holy shit was it worth it.
"Mmmmm...shit." He hummed out, panting heavily as he finished in your mouth. The noises he made were so attractive and you wanted to hear more of him. Just knowing that you made him feel good was almost satisfying enough, but the painful throb that emitted from your legs said otherwise. You groaned against him, swallowing the slightly salty slick, making sure to clean it up so there wouldn't be a mess.
You let his dick pop off your lips and you panted heavily, relishing in the oxygen you didn't realize you were lacking. You rested your head gently against his lower stomach, eyes barely open but staring at his flushed face. He glowed in his post orgasm bliss, eyes shut and breathing heavy, groans mixed in. Your mouth was slightly agape, jaw a bit sore and slack from what you had just done, lips swollen and glistening with saliva.
Eddie's eyes fluttered open and he gave you a soft smile which made your stomach do flips.
You watched as he was sitting himself up, and he was suddenly in front of you. He cupped your face in his hands, tilting your head so that you would properly look at him. He looked intensely into your eyes, and you were surprised to see them dark and almost feral instead of tired, and he hungrily pressed his mouth against yours.
"Your turn." He spoke as he broke the sweet kiss, moving out of his jeans and briefs completely, throwing it to the other clothes somewhere; neglected. Blindly, and without wasting time he turned you to drive you against the ground, with him on top of you. He needed your body flush against his, needed to feel the press of those firm, full, pierced breasts against his chest as he wedged a thigh between yours. The need to touch,to give, nearly overwhelmed him.
"Wanna make you feel good,too."
His long hair tickled your face and you closed your eyes, succumbing to his words. Your skin was flushed and your body was so oversensitized. You didn't know if you could handle anything more.
You laid beneath him,your chest moving up and down with every breath you took. But it wasn't enough for him, as his fingers hooked underneath the waistband of your fishnets, urging you to lift your butt so he could get rid of them.
"Those gotta go." And like the needy girl you were, you complied.
Soon, his fingertips brushed over one curved, tattoo covered hip, over your smooth skin, dragging your laced underwear down, he took a moment to admire the black rose design, tracing his fingers over it.
"Why a black rose?" He asked nonchalantly, as his fingers skimmed between your thighs. You jumped and twitched. Gliding his hand over to the other hip, he drew the lace away as you lifted your hips to let him.
"Because I like black roses?" You couldn't provide any other answer because, well... your mind wasn't exactly focused on anything else other than him.
Eddie smiled before his lips came up to your neck, his breath hot against your skin as he trailed sweet, light kisses up to your jaw, before he gently bit into your earlobe. "You're gorgeous." Two simple words, words that you had heard so many times before, but they suddenly took on a much deeper meaning. You weren't sure if it was because of the way he said it or if it simply was because he said it; all you knew was that it drove you absolutely wild, the butterflies in your stomach fluttering to life.
He used your moment of stillness as his hand slipped between your thighs and you cried out on a half sob of pleasure as he touched delicate, aching flesh, one of his rings dragging against it so deliciously. "Fuck,you're soaked." He groaned, "So wet for me. Did it turn you on this much just by sucking me off?" He grinned at your pleasure stricken face, and you threw your head back, moaning.
All you could feel was his touch, all you knew was the heat that moved through you, the need. You were speechless, nearly mindless. You slung your arms around him, pushing him incredibly close to yourself, as close as the position you were in allowed.
"Is this where it hurts?" He leaned down, kissing the shell of your ear. His languid pace turned faster now, stimulating the bundle of nerves intensely as he rubbed in circles with ease.
"Hurts so bad that you need me to take care of it?" He licked your neck and you wanted to scream.
"Eddie!" You squealed as he stopped, sliding his fingers down to your puckered opening.
"Does it hurt here too? Do I need to make you feel better? You're so sensitive, I can't fucking believe it." He pressed his middle finger up against your entrance, and your arms flew to his biceps, digging your nails into them. He drank in your vulnerability, relishing in your glow and need for him to touch you, to do anything to release the pressure.
He took his sweet time taking off his rings, one by one, all the while he watched you squirm and shudder under his gaze, and he enjoyed every second of it. Once he was done, he wasted no time and plunged his finger inside of you deeply, so sudden, you let out a squeal, the feeling made you blabber incoherent words.Eddie chuckled, strumming you like an instrument that is made for him; more so than his beloved guitar. He hummed to himself, fingers curling into you and pushing just the right places. His thumb occasionally came up to rub against your clit, firmly stroking in tandem with his thrusting finger.
"More, Eddie please. I need more!"
"Just remember… you asked for it." He suddenly pulled his single digit from you and plunged a second finger inside, stretching you out suddenly from the thickness of both digits.
The metalhead latched onto one of your breasts again, sucking your nipple, teeth gently pulling on your piercing, making your whole body feel like it was on fire. Your hands never left this arms, gripping them together as he pistoned his fingers in and out of you. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, and you gave into the overwhelming pleasure of Eddie.
"Feels so good around my fingers but...–" He groaned, suddenly sliding them out. Your pussy clenched around nothing, begging to be stimulated.
"What? No, please don't stop, I–" you spoke too soon as his attention moved from your chest down to your stomach, kissing the soft flesh there. He moved lower and lower, and your breath hitched.
He used two fingers and spread your labia, revealing your soaked, dripping mess of a cunt. You knew it was basically throbbing, begging him to touch you. To do anything.He hummed, looking a little too long for your liking.
"Don't stare." Your hands pressed against his face in vain, and he just laughed at your actions.
"Oh, so you get to look at me and drool over my cock but I'm not allowed to look at your pretty little pussy?" The pad of his thumb pressed over your slick clit, rubbing over it once with lovely pressure. You shivered and groaned at his action.
His hands slid up your legs to gently stroke your thighs, to rub along your sides, to massage circles into your hips while he kissed your core. Eddie watched the rise and fall of your chest from across your body. Listened to the sway of your small soft sounds, eyes gluing themselves to your mouth hung open, panting. He watched your expression as he licked a particularly heavy stripe up your folds before softly sucking your clit into his mouth,the tip of his tongue circling the little pearl. Your sighs weren't so soft then, whimpering and breathing heavily,
"E-Eddie," you mewled, hips gently grinding into his mouth, fingers weaving into his hair. He took your hips in his hands, softly rubbing his thumb across the bone, eyes fluttering closed as he gets lost in appreciating you. Humming a "mmm?" in reply without taking his lips off you, and the vibrations electrified you. "Eddie, please," you begged, one of your hands going to meet his where it circles at your side.
Your eyes rolled back as he used his tongue to fuck into you, curling it to stroke against your sweet spot with a lustful gaze. Despite his efforts, you could feel him start to lose himself, getting drunk off your juices. You could feel him start to get desperate as his tongue became hungry, his hands starting to wander, the way he began to moan into you. Your back arched, and as your hips lifted, he was quick to follow. He was utterly overwhelming, and he knew you'd be close soon by the way your breathing picked up, eyes tightly pressed shut. And he wanted you to, he wanted you to reach that feeling of bliss you'd been chasing.
"Need you so bad, Eddie." You begged, your fingernails digging into his scalp, pushing your cunt further into his face. Not on purpose, no, you just had no control over anything anymore.
"Need you or I'm gonna -"
"I know. Let go for me, yeah? You can do that for me, right?" Eddie watched you, pupils blown, a small sheen of sweat on his forehead which made his bangs stick to his skin.
You felt the pulse of your cunt, throbbing as the orgasm rushed through your bones, squealing with your head thrown back, pushing into the soft grass when you finally let go, squirming and releasing your juices against his mouth. He worked you through your high, you clawed at him weakly, hips jerking even as his ministrations slowed down. Your heart sputtered out of control, you thought you might pass out.
"Atta fuckin' girl." He praised, removing his mouth from your cunt, slick running down bis chin. He climbed back over your body, before he pulled you into a messy kiss, petting his tongue over yours so you could taste yourself– so you could taste what he did to you.
"C'mere," He murmured. He slid his arms under your back and held your body to his chest until you finally brought a weak hand to his back, trying to keep him closer. He knew you were still trying to comprehend, trying to come down to earth so he wanted to comfort you best he could.
Even though your walls were still clenching with aftershocks, his body against yours reignited the coals in the pit of your stomach. Eddie brought something out in your soul, something carnal, and you couldn't help but press your clit against his thigh.
"Patience, don't wanna overwhelm you." He cooed as he looked at you, taking in your disheveled face; your black eyeliner and eyeshadow was smudged, black tear stains reaching down your cheeks. You looked so pretty like this, he wished he had a camera to capture it. His fingers came up to your hair, tucking a lose strand behind your ear as your breath slowly evened out and you leaned into his hand as it stayed warm on your cheek.
"You sure you can handle anymore?"
"Mmm, yeah. Want you, Eddie."
His dark eyes penetrated your soul as he pressed his warm lips against yours. You shivered.
"Your wish is my law." He gently laid you down onto the grass, as salty sweat dripped from your breasts. He was hovering over you, he looked deeply into your eyes, he smelled your hair, caressed your thighs. Long fingernails dug in his skin, yourself so wet, invites him in.
"Fuck." He breathed out, feeling your walls clench around him, taking him ever so slowly. He didn't rush, wanting to enjoy what you'd been building up for way too long. You had other plans though, as you clasped your thighs around his middle, forcing him deeper into you, and you whined at feeling so full, so whole, so good.
Eddie shuddered when he bottomed out, your whines overtaking his mind and holding him captive. it was so deep, stuffed into the hilt of your cunt and it felt so good for both of you.
"So big." You were fucked dumb without him having fucked you properly just yet, and he couldn't help but laugh.
"Yeah? Too big for you, sweetheart?" He teased, the nickname clearly meant to mock you. But there was not an ounce of motivation to tease back at this point anymore.
"No, no! It's big but you can move. Please!" Eddie mentally prepared himself, taking in a deep inhale before bracing his arms on both sides of your head and cocking his hips back.
"Tell me if it's too much, 'kay? promise?”
"Promise, Eddie, just move already." You panted out, feeling so stretched and worn out already. His long hair tickled your face as he brought his lips up to kiss your cheek.
And when he started moving, fuck, he couldn't stop himself anymore. The way you were sucking him in, his muscles rippled and flexed from his arms to his abdomen, his cock driving forwards into the deepest part of your cunt. The whines you let out were filthy, flooding the silent air along with Eddie's stifled grunts.
His cock slipped through so easily, smothered in the mess you made as it fucked into you again and again–harder each time. He was in heaven, feeling like he was floating on a cloud and his head was spinning as he delved his cock so far into your precious pussy.
"Sayin' I'm too big and still taking me so well." He breathed out, hitting that spot that made you whine and dig your nails into the flesh on his back. "Such a good fuckin’ girl.”
You're so pretty, the way you allowed him to pound into you like this. And your needy mewls and unintelligible pleas are nothing compared to the way you fall apart on him, the way you squeeze his cock so tight, Eddie wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to pull out.
Your cunt held onto him, greedy to be filled up, but for Eddie, it's the way you breathed out his name that made him lose control spilling himself inside you and coating your insides until there was nothing left untouched by him. He fucked up into you, hitting the back of your walls, letting out heaving, stuttering breaths as he fell apart.
His heart was racing as he came down from his high, suddenly aware at how you laid underneath his chest, limp and shaking. Even sweaty and exhausted, you somehow managed to be the most beautiful thing Eddie's ever seen. He gently moved to the side, sliding his cock out of you with a sigh, a content, pleased sound, as he nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck. He's warmth and comfort and home in a single body.
His heart dropped slightly though,when he heard you sniffle, and when he looked at your face and saw the misty quality of your eyes, fluster quickly creeped into his expression. "Hey, hey! Please don't cry." He huffed, suddenly awkward, as he reached over to caress your cheek.
"I didn't do anything wrong, did I?"
"No.. it's just –" you paused and sighed deeply. You didn't want to sound desperate, but your heart broke at the thought of having him just leave you now. "It just feels like that'll be it... Like you're gonna slip out of my grip any second."
You didn't know if you would see him again. Didn't know if you'd ever be able to get to know more about him than his name, didn't know if you'd ever get to have him beyond the physical...
Eddie reached over your body, searching for his leather jacket, before he draped it over the both of you, well, mostly you, as he pushed you impossibly close to his chest. You could feel his breath against your neck, warm and comforting. His hair tickling your face as you breathed in his scent.
"I won't leave."
...But his words were good enough for the moment. Good enough for you to fall asleep, despite not knowing if he'd still be here with you once you'd wake up.
'Cause maybe it’s all about love, love.'
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ashcal99 · 9 months
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Certain Things : Leah Clearwater XII
Chapter Twelve
"Something about you, It's like an addiction, Hit me with your best shot honey, I've got no reason to doubt you, 'Cause certain things hurt, And you're my only virtue"
Summary: Conner Swan moves to Forks Washington in hopes to help his sister Bella through her breakup with Edward. In hopes to find happiness again. He finds much more.
Warnings: (18+ only), brief mentions of smut, descriptions of pain and violence, mentions of death, depression, loss, general angst, mentions of pregnancy, mentions of abortion and child loss
Words: 4.6k
A/N: Please let me know if you'd like to be added to a tag list. Only one chapter left! Can't believe it's almost done! I will still be working on my Jasper fic "collarbones" after, but I will also be starting a Rosalie x male werewolf oc called "Golden Hour" soon. Hope you enjoy! x
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——————
August 24th, 2006
Soft shimmering beams danced across the newly painted walls of the cabin’s master bedroom. Light streamed in through the open curtains onto Conner’s glittering skin, sending the light in a hundred different directions. Warmth seeped into his chest, Leah’s bare body radiating heat against his own. In the days that followed the wedding, Conner had rushed to finish the construction of their cabin.
The couple had spent the time inseparable, knowing that it was just a matter of time before Leah would have to return to her normal patrol schedule. Sam had been more than understanding with allowing her the time she needed to help Conner through his transition, but they knew that the time would run out eventually. Given the opportunity, they took the chance to have the closest thing to a honeymoon that they would ever get and had rarely left the confines of their new home, only leaving for Conner to hunt or to gather food for Leah. 
Everything had begun to calm down finally, the couple slowly growing used to the changes that had so quickly come their way. They were happy to be far away from any prying ears, for once in their relationship, not caring about how loud they were being whenever he found himself buried deep inside of her. Despite the continuous complications of their situation, the were happy. They were content in each other’s love. 
He laid there, counting the beats of her heart as soft breaths fanned his chest where she laid. When he had first realized that he would no longer be able to sleep he was sure that the silence of night would slowly drive him to insanity, but now that he had experienced those hours of silence he knew that he was wrong. There was something about the peaceful expression on her face as she slept that made his heart melt. Maybe I was the absence of the stress that had always seemed to be present. Whatever it was, he knew that he would never grow bored of it. He would always count it as a blessing, the soft thud of her heart against her ribcage. 
A sudden shrill tone rung throughout the room, pulling Conner from his thoughts. Leah stirred at his side, groaning lightly as she rolled off of him to burry her face in the plush pillow at the head of the mattress. He pushed himself to a stand, rushing over to pull his phone from the pocket of his discarded pants the laid amongst the various pieces of clothing that were strewn across the floor. His eyes scanned the phone, eyebrows furrowing as he saw the name flashing across the screen. 
He clicked the answer button, closing the bedroom door softly behind him as he made his way to the living kitchen, pulling his discarded briefs back up his hips. “Bella?” He spoke, concern coating his voice. The couple weren’t scheduled to return for at least two more weeks, so the unexpected call had him on edge. 
“Conner.” Bella’s voice croaked through the speaker. His cold heart clenched at the sound, something was wrong. Very wrong, and he knew it immediately. “I need your help.” She whispered. It’s all he needed to hear. The pain and fear in her voice as she made her request.
“What is it, Bells?” He asked, panic filling his chest as his mind began to wander to the many possibilities. 
Bella sighed out a shaky breath, voice wavering as she answered. “I don’t have time to explain, but somehow… I know it’s impossible, but I think.” She paused, sucking in a deep breath before she let the words flow from her lips. “I think I’m pregnant.” She admitted, voice wavering. 
Conner froze in his place, mind racing at her admission. “What do you need from me, Bells?” He asked, knowing that he would do anything in his power to help her in that moment. 
Broken sobs fell softly through the phone, ringing in his ears. “Edward, he thinks… I don’t know. He said that he won’t let it hurt me and Carlisle will take it out.” She said, voice cracking with emotion. “You have to help me protect my baby, Conner.” She whispered tearfully.
“Of course. I won’t let them lay a finger on this baby, Bella, you have my word.” He promised. The call ended, the sudden silence ringing in his ears as his world shifted from the information. 
The news had distracted him so thoroughly that he hadn’t been aware of Leah’s presence until warm arms wrapped around his waist from behind. He flinched slightly at the sudden touch, turning around to face the woman. Her face morphed into concern as she took in his serious expression. “What’s wrong?” She asked.
Conner gulped, blinking rapidly as if the whole morning had been a dream. But he knew better than that, his dreams had left him when he had changed. “Bella is pregnant.” He said. 
——————
August 31st, 2006
The tension was thick in the air when the newly weds returned home to the small rainy town. Conner’s heart crumpled as he laid eyes on his sister’s face. Dark circles surrounded her red puffy eyes. She was unwell, it was clear as day. Not only was it obvious that she had been crying, but her cheeks were slightly sunken. 
Her condition only worsened as the days followed after their return. She had become a shell of herself. Bruises covered her pale flesh, bones prominent in every one of her features. Carlisle had confirmed the pregnancy, in turn, confirming Edward’s greatest fear. Alice could no longer see Bella’s future. Nothing would penetrate the embryonic sac of the baby. She was dying, slowly being tortured to death right in front of them all and there was nothing anybody could do because she had refused to lose the baby.
Despite their strenuous research, they found no new information. The whole thing was a giant mystery and they had no idea what to do. There she was, withering away at a faster rate than any of them had expected. The baby was draining her of her life, yet Conner didn’t what to do but support her like he had promised. So that’s exactly what he did. 
In truth, the strenuous situation was taking a toll on them all, Edward of course taking it the worst. Conner had created an unlikely friendship with Rosalie, a companionship that shocked everyone almost as much as it had shocked himself. They were on the same side, in the end, that was what mattered. They would both be fighting for Bella and her baby and were both willing to put their safety on the line to protect the two. 
It had been only a week since their return Conner had barely left his sister’s side, and Leah had subjected to do the same, refusing to leave Conner’s side. Shadows laid delicately under her eyes and it was growing obvious that whether it was the lack of good sleep or the stress of the situation, it was beginning to have an effect on her body. He knew that being so close to so many vampires was in no doubt difficult for her to manage, and he had tried to no avail to convince her that he could handle himself. 
His concern only grew as Leah’s condition seemed to worsen. Despite his reasoning she had refused to return back to their newly built home. He could see the tension of stress in her shoulders, see the exhaustion in her eyes when she looked at him. It pained him to see her so overextended, so plagued by fatigue, so he had finally forced her to sleep, promising to stay by her side while she got her much needed rest. 
Conner was seated on the plush couch sat in the living room, Leah’s head laying comfortably in his lap. His fingered threaded gently through her hair, scratching softly at her scalp as soft sighs left her parted lips. Silence filled the room, spare the soft thudding of three heartbeats. Bella, Leah, and the fast pace of the baby’s. Music to his ears if anyone asked him, the reassurance of their safety. He basked in the sound, counting the beats, finding his stress slightly ease as he focus weened. 
Suddenly, the beats were off. It took him a moment to realize what his ears were hearing as it slowly clicked in his mind. Four heartbeats. One Bella’s soft thudding, pulling her weak body along. Two, Leah’s in which he knew all too well. Three, the baby’s no doubt, about twice as fast as the women in the room with him. Except the fourth was much like the third. Confusion filled his mind as he racked his brain trying to figure out where the noise was coming from. 
His fingers stilled on her scalp, suddenly frozen at the thought that had crossed his mind. No. It wasn’t possible. Right? Surely not. It didn’t make any sense. Leah stirred in his lap, feeling him tense underneath her. Her eyes fluttered open, a look of concern growing on her face as she studied the far off expression on his own. “Baby?” She muttered, failing to gain his attention. She pushed herself upright into a sitting position. “What’s wrong?” She asked, bringing her warm palm to his cheek to turn his face towards hers. 
He blinked, trying to bring the world back into focus. Leah and him had never used any form of protection, under the impression that she wasn’t able to get pregnant in the first place, but what were the chances that she was able to? What were the chances that she would fall pregnant right after they so conveniently found out that the whole thing was even possible after Conner changing? 
The thoughts raced through his mind a mile a minute as his eyes flickered down to her stomach. The sight of the slight roundness of her torso blazed in his head. Hope sparked in his heart, almost immediately followed by fear. It all made sense, the fatigue, the wear on her body over the past week. He had no idea what this would do to her, how it would effect her. If it would effect her in the same way it had been effecting Bella, and fear gripped his throat at the thought. Hell, he didn’t even know if Leah would want this like Bella did. 
The thought of losing another child felt like the venom was burning through him all over again, but he knew that in the end he wouldn’t blame Leah for any decision she ended up making, because in the end, it was her body and her life, so it was her right to choose. The thought of loosing her, loosing Leah, hurt a thousand times more. He shook the thoughts from his head, knowing that he was getting carried away with himself. He didn’t even know if his suspicions were correct. One thing was for certain. “We need to see Carlisle.” He said, his eyes finally meeting hers. 
Her confusion only deepened at his words. “What do you mean?” She asked, letting her hand drop from his cheek.
His jaw set in a hard line. “Listen.” He said softly, grasping her head in both of his hands, staring deep into her eyes. “How many heartbeats do you hear?” He asked, voice low and serious.
Leah tilted her head, focusing on the soft thrumming as she closed her eyes. It was if the pieces were slowly coming into place until realization suddenly struck. Her eyes shot open, wide with shock. Her heart pounded against her ribcage, a lump forming in her throat. Impossible.
——————
“I don’t understand how this is even possible. I don’t even get my period. We haven’t been safe as far as using protection at all, so how did this even happen?” Leah stuttered out, the words flowing almost faster than her brain could comprehend. The sonogram had shown the same as Bella, nothing. The baby’s embryonic sac was too thick for the machine to penetrate, so it was plain as day. Not only was she pregnant as well, but it had been conceived after Conner had been bit. 
It was obvious now that they knew, the soft roundness of her belly protruding under her t-shirt. If they hadn’t had been so distracted by Bella, they probably would’ve noticed sooner. 
“This whole situation is completely new to us.” Carlisle started, running his long pale fingers through his blonde hair, stress covering his face like a veil. “We didn’t even know it was possible for a male vampire to reproduce until a week ago, so unfortunately I don’t exactly have an explanation for you.” He said. 
Conner ran his hands over his face, growing more and more anxious by the minute. He sighed, reaching over to grip Leah’s hand in his own, knowing that her panic must’ve been much worse than his own in that moment. “Do you have a theory? Will she be okay?” He asked desperately. He had to know that she would be okay. The possibility of losing Bella was bad enough, but it was just that. A possibility. Bella had the change of being bitten at the last minute to save her life, but Leah didn’t have that chance. Venom would only harm her more.
The immortal doctor offered the couple a small smile, trying to ease the panic filling the room. “My best guess is that because after you turned, the sperm was then able to survive the hotter temperatures of Leah’s body while, normally, sperm can’t survive over about ninety-nine degrees and ends up dying off.” He explained, trying to make sense of it the best he could with his medical knowledge. 
He turned to Leah, giving her his full attention. “The good news is, given your supernatural abilities and rapid healing, I don’t see you facing the same complications as Bella. You shouldn’t have anymore trouble than a human would with a normal pregnancy.” He said, watching as some of the stress left their shoulders, and audible sigh being heard around the room.
“That being said,” He continued. “We’re still not sure exactly what this fetus is, and how much of a threat it can pose. The closest thing we have to compare it to is an immortal child of our kind, which are extremely dangerous. You have the same choice as Bella of course, whether or not you wish to… terminate the pregnancy.” He said. The words clenched at Conner’s heart, refusing to let it show on his face. He refused to let his own feeling on the matter contribute to Leah’s decision. It was her body and her choice to make. “I’ll leave you two alone so you can discuss this.” Carlisle finished, leaving swiftly from the room. 
And then they were alone, Leah sitting in her place on the examination table staring at the wall in front of her. Her mind moved sluggishly, the shock seeming to freeze everything else around her. The cold press of lips to the back of her hand pulled her from her thoughts. “I’m so sorry, Leah.” Conner muttered, venom pricking at his eyes where the tears had long since dried up. 
Slowly, her free hand moved to lay across the barely there baby bump that had begun to form. Even though she couldn’t feel movement yet, she knew it would be there soon. “I understand if you don’t want this. It’s your decision to make, and I promise I will be by your side no matter what.” Conner said, red eyes looking deep into her own. 
She sat there gazing into the eyes of the man she loved with all of her heart. She had been so certain at one point that all vampires were monsters, yet here she was, completely in love with one. Who said that it couldn’t end the same for this baby. Suddenly, she realized that she would never be able to get rid of something that had been created in such love. Something that was half him had to be a blessing. She knew that there was no way in hell that she would take a second child away from him, and her heart grew, filling with the newly found love that she held for her unborn child. 
Her eyes softened, filling with tears as the emotions began to overwhelm her. “Con.” She said gently, brushing her warm fingertips across his cheek. “I’m not letting anyone touch this baby.” She reassured him, knowing that the trauma of his past had to be torturing him in that moment.
A shaky sigh left his lips, forehead dropping to her thigh. “Oh, thank god.” He muttered against her skin as relief flooded through him. He knew it wouldn’t be easy, and they sure as hell were unprepared, but he was sure in that moment that everything would work out. He lifted his head, pressing his lips firmly to her stomach.  “I love you and I love this baby so much.” He said, voice thick with emotion. 
Tears slowly fell from Leah’s eyes as she took in the sight. The struggle was far from over, that much was clear, but she refused to keep that from letting her be happy. She had gone months, fully convinced of her inability to conceive and then there she was, having a baby with her imprint, another thing she had convinced herself she would never experience. Yes, they would have a lot of shit to face in the near future, but that didn’t stop them from being happy in that moment.
——————
September 7th, 2006
In the following days, Leah’s body had changed quickly. The pregnancy progressed at a quick rate, her belly swollen to almost triple the size in just a week. She had even begun to feel the kicks of the baby, and the couple tried to prepare themselves the best they could for the oncoming arrival. While still sticking by his sister’s side, his focus had deterred slightly, making Leah’s health his main priority.
Eventually, the phone calls from their father had begun to trickle in, and he had been left to answer his questions, trying to talk down the panic that was beginning to fill his chest. To his knowledge, Bella had gotten sick with something while on their honeymoon and were waiting to travel until she started feeling better. The situation pained Conner to no end. Not only was the possibility of losing Bella extremely high, but he also, as usual, had to lie to Charlie about what was really happening. He hated the deceit and hated the fear and stress in Charlie’s voice. 
If it hadn’t been for the unease swirling in his stomach at the thought of leaving, he would’ve drove into Forks himself to comfort the man. He didn’t trust the majority of the vampires around him anymore. He knew that their only thoughts were of concern about Bella’s safety and what the baby was doing to her, but it was Bella’s choice at the end of the day, not theirs. If she was willing to put her life on the line for her unborn child, he wasn’t going to stop her. No matter how much it hurt to see her be torn away. He knew all too well what the feeling of losing your child was like, and he wasn’t about to put her through that on his own terms.
Leah had remained distant from the pack, knowing that once they found out about the two pregnancies that all hell would break loose. Sam had trusted in Conner, sure, but that would surly change once he found out. The rest of the pack’s trust of vampires was iffy say the least, and they would in no doubt feel threatened by the existence of these babies. It was just a matter of time before shit hit the fan, they all knew it. Just a matter of time before the wolves found out and their safety be put on the line. So, it hadn’t surprised him when Jacob finally showed. 
The knock had sounded on the door and Conner knew then and there that things were about to become even more complex. He had been in a separate room of the house, laying with Leah as she slept. He moved slowly, gently removing himself from under her as he quietly left the room. She would be safe for the time being, but he knew he was needed in that moment to protect Bella from anything that Jacob may do. 
“ls it true?” Jacob asked from the next room over, anger and tension lacing his voice.
Conner flitted to the living room, taking a casual seat next to his sister as he mentally prepared himself for what was to come. 
Carlisle smiled politely at the boy. “Hello, Jacob, how are you?” He greeted cautiously. 
Jacob looked at the pale man, deadpanned as he pushed his way past further into the home. “Listen, just give it to me straight.” He said.
Beside Conner, Bella perked up the noise. “Jake, is that you?” She called out, a small smile growing on her face, unable to stop the happiness from showing on her face as she heard the voice of her best friend.
“She's here?” Jacob asked.
“They came home two weeks ago.” Carlisle confirmed, following the werewolf towards her voice. 
Everybody stood on edge as he entered the room, waiting for the bomb to finally blow. Rosalie took a defensive stance in front of the girl, blocking her from his view, while Conner came to a stand behind her fragile frame, gripping the edge of the couch, his fingers digging into the soft material. 
“I'm glad you came.” Bella said, relief coating her voice. 
Jacob took a step forward, Rosalie stopping him in his tracks, snarling slightly as she spoke. “Close enough.” She said stiffly, building a physical wall protectively between the two.
“What's your problem?” He asked incredulously, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. 
“Rose, it's okay.” Bella assured, urging Rosalie to move out of his path of sight. She fidgeted nervously with the quilt that covered her, weak heartbeat speeding up slightly as he came into view and replaced Conner in the seat next to her.
Jacob sighed, grimacing slightly. “You look terrible.” He admitted, raising his eyebrows.
“Yeah, it's nice to see you, too.” She answered jokingly, a small smirk growing on her lips.
Jacob’s eyes flitted around the room. “So, are you gonna tell me what's wrong with you?” He asked expectantly, voice soft as he looked at the weak girl before him.
Bella sighed, looking down at her shaking fingers once more before speaking. “Rose, you wanna help me up?” She asked the blonde, throwing the covers off her swollen belly. Dark purple bruises littered the translucent skin, Bella rushing to pull the fabric of her t-shirt down to cover the exposed area.
Jacob sucked in a shaky breath at the sight, pained confusion crossing his features as his eyes flickered around to the steeled faces around him. Anger grew as his eyes landed on Edward. His body moved forward automatically, fury ripping through him as he growled out at the pale man. “You did this!” He yelled, voice deep and threatening. 
Emmett’s hand shot up, stopping the teen in his place, eyebrows furrowed in an anger of his own. “I didn't know it was even possible.” Carlisle reasoned, trying to no avail to calm the boy.
Jacob huffed, pushing Emmett’s hand violently from his shoulder. “What is it?” He asked, turning to face the man. 
“I'm not sure. Ultrasounds and needles won't penetrate the embryonic sac.” Carlisle explained gravely. 
Alice stepped forward, face solemn as she spoke. “I can't see it, either. And I can't see Bella's future anymore.” She admitted.
“We've been researching legends, but there isn't much to go on. What we do know is that it's strong. And fast-growing.” Carlisle continued.
Jacob rolled his eyes, walking closer to the man as his voice rose in volume. “Why haven't you done anything? Take it out of her!” He said sternly. Conner’s shoulders tensed, a harsh glare present on his face as he eyed the tanned teen. 
“This is none of your business, dog.” Rosalie said harshly.
“Rose!” Esme chided. “All this fighting isn't good for Bella.” She reasoned, trying  to calm her down. 
“The fetus isn't good for Bella.” Alice snarled.
“Say the word, Alice. ‘Baby’. It's just a little baby.” Rosalie huffed, the words tightening Conners chest. 
“Carlisle, you've gotta do something.” Jacob said, stress and worry coating his voice.
“No.” Bella interjected. “It's not his decision. It's not any of yours.” She said sternly. 
Edward moved forward towards the wolf, ushering him to follow. “Jacob, I need to talk to you.” He muttered, leading the way outside to the woods. 
Conner rested a reassuring hand on Bella’s shoulder, attempting to give the girl some sense of comfort as they waited for their return. Like most days as of late, the sadness was clear in her eyes as she stared off in the direction of her husband and best friend. 
When Jacob finally returned, she had requested privacy, so, reluctantly him and Rosalie had agreed to leave the two alone. Tension filled the air as they waited, on their toes, ready to jump to protect Bella at any moment. Even Conner didn’t trust Jake as he stood there, so there was no doubt that Rosalie didn’t trust him either. 
Raised voices broke Conner from his thoughts. “Jacob, don't go.” Bella pleaded as Jacob pushed past Conner, his sight straight on his exit.
“I know how this ends. And I'm not sticking around to watch.” He muttered, glaring at Conner as he exited the home. Conner followed, determined to leave the boy with something to think about before he left. 
“Jake.” He called, gaining his attention. Wind whipped around them as the stood a few feet apart on the open lawn. “Think about this, okay? You can’t expect her to end the life of her child.” He reasoned. “That’s her decision, not yours or anyone else’s for that matter.” He said, eyebrows furrowed as he spoke. 
The wolf scoffed, rolling his eyes as he turned back to the pale man. “This is not the same as Ellie, Conner.” Jacob argued, causing Conner’s jaw to tense as anger boiled in his chest. 
“Jacob!” Leah’s voice snarled through the clearing, Conner’s head whipped around, his eyes falling on his wife. There she stood on the stairs of the entryway, round belly on full display through the thin cotton of her shirt as she snarled at the fellow wolf. A heavy glare was set on her face as she stared him down, face red with fury. The loud voices had no doubt woken her, and hearing what Jacob had just said had clearly set her on edge.
Jacob’s eyes widened as they trailed down her body to her swollen stomach. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing for a moment. Surely his eyes sere playing tricks on him, but then it all made sense. Of course Conner was defensive of the monster growing inside of Bella. He had created his own inside of Leah. 
“Sam is going to kill you.” He muttered, giving one last look to the pale immortal before turning to run into the woods. 
Last Chapter
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clericofshadows · 21 days
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lotsb snippet
I've gotten very close to the point where Regis and the gang™ (including T'Soni) make it to the Broker's ship, but I fell in love with this bit and decided to show it off.
Zaeed gave him a look and held out his omnitool.  “Remember that goddamn promise we made?” Regis winced.  Of course he does.  They promised to keep him updated.   “Call him,” he said, pointedly.  “I’m going to bother T’Soni.” He squeezed his shoulder as he stood up, and Regis didn’t protest as he walked out of his cabin.
With a breath, he opened his omnitool and scrolled to their server connection, opening up a private link and sending it through, getting up to link to his vid screen at his side desk.  Glancing at the time and doing a quick conversion… it would be afternoon on Arcturus.   A moment passed, and the link opened, Kaidan’s face appearing on the screen with a smile.  It quickly disappeared as he took in Regis’s appearance.  “What’s gotten you all geared up and ready to go?  What’s wrong?  Don’t tell me it’s already time…” Regis shook his head.  “Not yet.  Still have a few dossiers to work through.” “Then what has gotten you so on edge?” “Hackett messaged me.  Wren’s surveillance got us something good.  T’Soni’s been hunting the Shadow Broker ever since she stole my body out from under him,” he began. Kaidan leaned back in the chair he was sitting in, rubbing his temples.  “Utter insanity.  Although… I can’t help but be thankful you didn’t end up in his clutches.” Regis had conceded to that point long ago.  “Honestly, this whole situation isn’t something I like thinking about, but in some ways, she did me a favor.  A fucking terrible one.   But get this.  We went to her apartment, and you want to know what was displayed in her home?” Already, venom and disgust had made themselves known. “With the way you sound, I don’t think I want to know.” His eyebrows were furrowed.  Leaning in back up closer to the vidscreen, he clasped his hands together, holding them tightly, preparing for bad news. “My goddamn armor and scarf.  The chestplate,” he spat, feeling the dark energy crackle underneath his skin, spurred on by his anger.   Kaidan shook his head, turning away.  “I read every bit of that report you sent me.  All of those hundreds of pages, pouring through every detail of their meticulous recount of everything they did to bring you back.”  Regis couldn’t help but close his eyes at that, thinking of his sleepless nights spent pouring over those words. Those terrifying words. “And I noticed their initial report on the state of your body.  Some armor intact.  No chestplate.” He almost sounded clinical.  “Focusing on all the oddities.  Hell, I called Vikram, and we both were stuck on that one goddamn point.” Regis remembered the call they had with Kaidan not long after he initially found out T’Soni gave him away to Cerberus.  Post-orgasmic bliss with Zaeed turned sour because they knew they had to update him on what they learned, about what a former member of the SR-1 did to him. Kaidan was stuck on the chestplate then.   He swallowed visibly, almost looking a little pale.  Concerned, Regis almost stopped and interrupted him, but he had to hear what Kaidan was going to say.  Even if it was hard on him, on both of them. “I know you want your ring back and your dog tags back.  So, all points to her.  If she’s the one that kept them… Ruin her, Regis, not just for yourself and your career, but for what she stole from you and us."  His voice was carefully still, carefully low, but his eyes burned blue. “You can count on that.” Regis clenched his fist.  “Wren has plans that might work out well for the Alliance.” “I wasn’t worried.  That tattoo on the front of your neck is proof enough.  What was that quote you found about Labolas when figuring out how to say ‘Fuck you’ to regs after Torfan…”  The demon on his neck. Regis touched his neck, tracing down with his gloved hand.  “I’m paraphrasing, but: A merciless butcher… once it has sunk its teeth into an enemy, it will not let go until their last breath.” A rueful smile appeared on his face.  “And that’s how I know you will get your due.  Good luck, and please be careful… and whatever Wren is planning, I don’t want to hear about it until it succeeds.  I love you, and give Zaeed all my love.” “I love you, too.  We will be safe.” Regis kissed his fingertips and brought them to the vidscreen, resting them against Kaidan’s face.
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inkinthequill · 6 months
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🔞Makima's Devilishly Erotic Golf Lesson🔞
[Series: Chainsaw Man
Pairing: [GP]Power/Makima
Word count: 1,416
Contains: Explicit sexual content, including: gloved handjobs, groping and teasing, an extraordinary amount of public indecency, and Makima generally being a possessive freak. You can also view this work and more specific tags on AO3]
Makima has brought Power onto a golfing course to teach her a very important lesson in control and discipline. Makima, being the pure-hearted angel she is, is completely normal about it and has absolutely zero underlying motivations, I swear!
“Hiiiiii-ho!”
A sharp ”twang“ rang over rolling green hills as Power struck a golf ball with enough force that it started burning through the sky like a flare. Several broken clubs littered the ground beneath her, and she had settled one formed from her own blood on Makima's recommendation. Makima, for her part, was situated a small distance behind her and offered a quiet clap. 
"See, see?! Witness how quickly I master your human games and despair!" Power decried, paired with a deranged laugh— directly staring and pointing at a group of elderly men passing by in their cart, who all made the collective decision to speed onto the next hole. 
"Power.” Makima said, her voice as equal parts quiet and commanding as ever. Hearing it caused the Blood Devil to stiffen in place, clearing her throat nervously and trying to keep calm. Her superior approached from behind her, laying leather-gloved hands on her shoulders. "That was very good."
“Y-Yes?! Yes, of course it was!” Power nodded in agreement, striking a triumphant pose and giggling again. "Did you see how far I struck it?! No human could manage that!"
"Yes, Power, your drive was very good." Makima said, giving the girl's shoulders a sudden squeeze. "However, the reason I've brought you here is  not  about showing off your strength. It's about control. The goal, again, is not to hit it as far as possible." she said, leaning over Power's shoulder and pointing at the flag pole several hundred meters in front of them. "It's to strike it precisely into that hole over there. Do you understand?"
Power gave a fanged grimace, pouting and kicking the turf slightly. "I  hardly  see how that's any better than simply..." she began, but catching Makima's steely gaze quickly made her shut her mouth and swallow spit. 
"Power..." Makima started again, her cool breath washing over the fiend's neck. "Control is everything. No matter how strong you are, it won't matter if you can't control it," she said, pressing her back against Power's. She slid her hands down the girl's arms, cupping her hands over Power's. Power stiffened, feeling her skin tingle all over— the scent of Makima's perfume was vibrant this close to her, and she knew all too well the overwhelming power that Makima herself held in those hands... 
Power felt her arms be guided in a smooth swinging motion. Once. Twice. Three times. Makima remained quiet, before meeting Power's eyes on the third swing. "See...? Firm, but precise. It's called a stroke for a reason. Stroke, stroke, stroke... isn't that so much nicer than simply smashing something...?"
Power had started to squirm at this point, her face burning brightly. "I-I don't see how that'd... help... in a fight...."
"Hmm...? You don't, Power? How would you describe my capture of you, then? Was it a thrashing, or something more elegant?"
The fiend flinched slightly, looking away in embarrassment. "I wasn't... you know I wasn't at full... strength..."
"Sorry, what was that? You need to speak up, Power." Makima stated firmly, a gloved hand slipping down from Power's arms, and trailing down her body. She hovered it over Power's crotch, then pushed her palm against it right as the girl tried to speak. 
"I-I! W-What are you doing...?!"
”Demonstrating the strengths of a controlled touch, is all. Please, tell me more about how you would've won, Power.” 
"I... well..." Power murmured, biting her lip as her skirt started to tent from the stimulation. "I-If you had given me a fair chance to recover, I could... have..." she trailed off, gasping as Makima reached under her skirt and gently freed her cock from her panties. The black leather of her glove was hot from being worn by the woman over the last two hours, the fingers of which delicately wrapped around her shaft and squeezed down. 
"Mhm. Keep going. Don't get distracted now, Power..." Makima said, an almost soothing tone to her voice as she began openly stroking Power's cock. 
"I-I would've crushed you in seconds..." Power mumbled, unable to keep herself from haphazardly bucking her hips, eager and desperate to gain more pleasure from Makima's hand. 
"Because you're such a strong girl, right, Power?" Makima asked, her voice just as quiet and calm as ever. 
"Y-Yesss..." Power said with a moan, shuddering and whining as Makima ran her thumb in tight circles of the tip, the leather of which grew slick from precum. Just as pleasure had been given, it suddenly stopped, leaving Power a weak, whimpering mess. The hidden strength in Makima's arms kept the girl from thrusting into her hand, as much as Power desperately tried. 
"Power..." Makima whispered by her ear, sliding her other hand under her shirt. "Do you understand who you are to use that power for now? Who do you obey?"
"W-What...?" 
Power yipped as Makima gently nibbled on her earlobe, grasping one of the fiend's breasts in her hands and squeezing. "Who do you belong to, Power?"
"I don't..." Power started, shivering at the continued absence of any stimulation to her dick. While she hated to say it, she was being given a very new and powerful motivator, and she was strongly compelled to obey. "M-Makima..." she whispered.
"You belong to me?" Makima asked. 
"Y-Yes..."
"Say it, then, Power."
"H-Huh? A-Again?"
"I need to hear you say it, Power." Makima said, a disciplinary tone in her voice that accompanied a strikingly cold stare. 
"I..." Power started, feeling tears well up in her eyes from the sheer desperate need her body was enduring in the absence of Makima's continued touch. "I belong to Makima..."
"That's a good girl," Makima whispered, a soothing warmth returning to her voice as she began to stroke Power again. Her fingers pumped and squeezed and glided skillfully, in a perfect pleasuring rhythm that practically put the fiend into a trance. "Obedience feels better, doesn't it?"
"Y-Yes..." Power murmured, starting to loudly moan. Part of her realized that they were still in a public area where anyone could catch them, but every pump of Makima's hand pushed the thought away, and every whispered word locked her worries out. 
"My pet fiend... so strong..." Makima cooed, the faintest hint of a smile pulling at her lips as Power's voice got louder and louder. "Are you going to be a good, strong girl for me, Power?"
"Y-Yes!" Power cried, the additional praise and ego-stroking getting her even more into it than she already was. 
"You'll follow my orders? Whatever I say? Kill whoever I say?"
"Yes! A-Anything!" 
"Good girl. You can cum, now."
Though it was a statement and not an order, something in Power's body was immediately pushed over the edge by Makima's words, almost like her body itself was under the woman's direct command. Power let out a sharp, cute cry, biting down on her lip as she thrust her hips forward and started painting the emerald grass with her hot, pearly-white cum. Makima continued to stroke her off the entire time, the faint smile she had before remaining frozen on her face as she watched Power empty herself onto the golf course. 
She halted her stroking as the fiend finally stopped shuddering, getting as much cum off Power's cock and onto her glove as she could manage-- holding her hand up to Power's face. 
"Next lesson. When you make a mess, you have to be responsible and clean it up. Understand, Power?"
"I..." Power mumbled, gulping and staring at the ”mess“ presented to her. "I-I understand."
"Good girl." Makima said, using her clean hand to soothingly stroke Power's hair as she started licking the cum off of her glove. Makima rotated the other around so Power could clean the back and front, before slowly slipping her fingers into Power's mouth one at a time when they were the only thing left to clean. 
"That's it... you're a fast learner, Power..." she whispered, gently kissing the girl's cheek as the fiend obediently sucked on each of her fingers-- despite having ample opportunity to bite down on her boss's fingers with those dangerously sharp fangs. 
Makima pulled the last finger from Power's lips with a wet pop, squeezing the girl's shoulder. She leaned past it, meeting her gaze once more as she cupped her face. "Now..." she said, turning Power's face to stare out into the rolling green hills and thick tree-line. "We still have eight more holes to go, Power. Are you ready for your other lessons?"
"Y... Yes, ma'am... ❤️"
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liminalpebble · 1 year
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The Refugee: Chapter 48 and Epilogue
Masterlist link
AO3 Link
A/N: Oh lordy, folks! This is the end of my very first ever and unexpectedly massive fanfic. I truly thank each and every one of you reading and following and encouraging and discussing with me through all of this. It's been a labor of love (and mild obsession) and now that I'm hooked I'm sure I'll have other stories for you to dig into soon.
 All my love and gratitude, 
Peb
The Black Keep was uncharacteristically inviting on this clear crisp morning. The sun shown brightly over the glittering frost of a long winter, teasing the hope of a long delayed spring in Laufeyhavn. Past the ancient black arch and wide gates, the golden interiors of the castles glowed in sharp contrast, now festooned with banners and lanyards; peopled with crowds from all corners of the empire and beyond, here for the long day of a royal wedding and coronation.
Within her new chambers, which contained her magically replicated cabin from the Vanir kingdom, Lenora stood making final adjustments to her gown, trying to take deep breaths and ignore the rumble of hundreds of people beyond her small haven. Vlad sprawled unbothered on his favorite pillow, possibly napping, possibly plotting to gouge into Loki's forearm for his own amusement later. It was impossible to tell.
Lea didn't hear her fiancé's footsteps. She only heard his voice unfurl behind her like a silk runner.
“I'll be happy to help you out of this later, even to tear it off of you if you wish, though you look so ravishing that it would be a shame to ruin it,” he crooned as his hands wrapped around her waist from behind, nose and lips nuzzling against her neck. The shiver and tickle of his playful touch made her giggle. The pads of his fingers ran up the embroidered bodice, laced with royal purple and forest green geometric patterns. This time, her Morhari emblems were combined with his own.
“I actually quite like this one. You've always had good taste.”
He pulled his lips reluctantly from her neck to mumble his answer. “Though not always the best motives.” He looked ahead into the mirror, meeting her eyes in the reflection, saying more seriously, “but truly, I've always loved creating trinkets and clothing to adorn you. I was trying to tell you that I love you, but I wasn't sure how else to say it.”
She turned to face him, wrapping her arms around his neck to look deeply into the cool waters of his eyes. “I knew. I kept them. I understood your language.” She tapped her finger on the golden replica of her Morhari pendant which sat delicately but proudly above her collarbone. He gave a small affectionate smile, tracing his finger lightly over chain, gently grazing her skin, then slid the back of his fingers down the valley of her breasts.
She chuckled, and gave a wry grin, saying in a low whisper, “Your Majesty, if you keep up this behavior you're going to be very late for your own wedding.”
He gave her a broad naughty grin. “And again, if you keep calling me 'Your Majesty' or 'Sire' you'll be too exhausted to walk down the aisle. And would it really count as being late if the bride is also missing?”
Lea tapped his smiling cheek gently, but then his face turned serious and solicitous as he said, “You know, you don't have to go through with this. I know it's all ceremony, all predetermined lines to be publicly spoken. I know it's not the same as the promises we make to each other privately.  I wouldn't blame you if you weren't ready, or simply didn't want this for yourself, or just wanted to go and have your own life. I would help you find the most perfect and comfortable home in the universe for you to enjoy. You wouldn't even have to see me again if you didn't want to...you're free now...you can...”
“Shhhh...” She said, putting a finger to his lips. “Loki, I've made a commitment and intend to honor it. There's more at stake here than just our own happiness. And if I stay, things will change.”
“Oh?” he said in faux surprise.
“Yes. To begin with, we're going to honor our promises to the provinces. We're going to rebuild, my homeland, among others. We're going to build trust with Asgard and everyone else. We're going to make sure the Jotun have a good...”
Now it was his turn to raise a finger to her lips. “Anything you say, Empress. I will follow your lead in all of it, but this life must be your choice...not mine. Aren't you afraid? ”
“Of course I'm afraid! I'm absolutely terrified, and in over my head, and woefully unprepared, and uncertain. I couldn't feel farther from ready for this. ”
He stroked the worried crease forming over her brow. “That's how you know you have the wisdom to lead well...a wisdom I wish I had instead of my arrogance.”
She was silent for a moment, then spoke carefully. “You know I will never give you, nor do I wish to give you, an heir. Can you tolerate that?”
He nodded. “Lea, my empire was born of greed and violence. When you and I are gone, I think it's for the best that the empire goes with us and the power lands where it always should have been, in the rightful hands of the people.”
Lea cocked an eyebrow suspiciously. “Who are you? Because it sounds like we're in agreement and that can't be right.”
A bright breathy laugh escaped his lips as he kissed her, long and lingering, savoring the sweetness of their private moments before a long day of none.  
He sighed and ended the kiss reluctantly. “I can't wait to take you back home later,” he growled into her ear and lightly bit her neck.
She sighed out, “you are my home, my dear scoundrel,” and his heart glowed, incandescent from her words.  
----
Both parties were, in fact, slightly late to their own wedding (only slightly and fashionably, of course). The day was as grueling as Lenora suspected it would be, but the soft cool touch of Loki's long hand, encircling her own eased the rising heat of her nerves. Through the swarms of people, she sought out the familiar proud faces of her allies, her friends; Beatrice and her girls, Thor (although unaccompanied by Odin), Nadia, Majbrit, and lastly Magnus, Astrid and baby Nora all smiling lovingly to the new queen and to Loki. Seeing their faces, Lea thought to herself that maybe, just maybe, she and Loki were never really as alone as they felt, that friends would be there to hold them if only they would let them sometimes.
As the crown was placed upon her head, the new empress's first thought was of its weight. The heaviness of her title and responsibilities made her breathe quicker shorter breaths. She wondered if her small body would be able to carry and fill the heavy but hollow crown after all, but as the sea of subjects genuflected before her in a great hushed wave, Loki held her hand all the more firmly and put his arm around her waist. He would help her to carry this burden. They were in this together now.
The day sprawled into a star-glittered night, as if even the heavens were celebrating with them. Lenora felt happy, satisfied in her own way, but the overwhelming press of so many people, so much noise, so much pomp and circumstance began to wear on her. She dawned a cloak, found a door to the balcony and slipped out into the chilly air, taking in great lungfuls of the night breeze. As she sat on a marble bench, Vlad seemed to materialize of out nowhere, hopping into the lap of her fine gown and demanding her attention by kneading carelessly into the rich fabric.
This creature always seemed to know when she needed him, and she smiled at the thought. As she stroked Vlad's back and ears, she fiddled with the crown on her head, eventually needing both hands to remove it and place it carefully beside her on the bench. She heard the merry hubbub from inside as the door opened and closed again. As she turned her head, She saw the horned golden helmet being placed beside her golden crown.
Loki smiled to her. “These things can certainly become heavy, can't they?” he remarked running his slender digits through his hair, releasing it slightly into those curls that charmed her so completely. He slid up next to her on the bench saying, “mind if I join you?” knowing that she wouldn't. In response she only angled his head down against her shoulder and stroked his hair. The silly picture the three made, sitting there, amused her; the empress stroking Loki's black hair with one hand and Vlad's black fur with the other.
Loki turned drowsily and whispered into the shell of her ear, “I love you, Lenora, my beautiful little empress.”
“I love you, too, scoundrel” she replied, kissing his forehead.
Epilogue
They sat contentedly like this in a restful silence for some time, watching the stars, when suddenly the blazing light of a portal attacked their eyes with a blinding glow. The two stood, on alert, summoning their weapons, as two figures stepped through the spiraling glow; a man and a woman.
“Your Highnesses, We're very sorry to interrupt...and we seem to be very very late,” said the man raising his hands in a surrendering gesture as he smiled slyly.
The lovely woman, dressed all in regal red, red hair flowing in the preternatural sway of her levitation, said, “Congratulations, Your Highness,” with a warm sincerity. Wanda had a soft spot already for Lenora after all she had learned about her; the kind of deep sympathy only one refugee can feel for another.
“I'm Dr. Stephen Strange, and this is my colleague, Wanda Maximoff.”
“I know who you are, Strange,” Loki said with a deadly glare, in a fractious, lethal voice that surprised Lenora.
Dr. Strange only chuckled. “Ah yes...Your Majesty. We've been briefly acquainted.”
“I was falling...FOR 30 MINUTES,” Loki growled out with gritted teeth, and then looked over to Lenora's wide puzzled eyes and softened. “Oh sorry, darling. I didn't mean to frighten you,” he said, holding her hand.
Lenora shook her head with a deeply baffled expression and said slowly, deliberately, in her newly practiced diplomat's voice, “I welcome you both, Dr. Strange, Miss Maximoff, but could someone please tell me what the hell is going on?!”
Wanda spoke, with a lovely unfamiliar accent which fascinated Lea. “Empress, we come from Earth...Midgard. We're here because we've been monitoring the progress of your sorcery abilities for some time, since Queen Nadia informed us of you. Our magic shares the same...family tree...if you will. Stephen and I would like to offer you the chance to hone your skills in Midgard, with a group of individuals like us. And though we hate to pressure you during this crucial time for your empire, we will need an answer soon. In a few days we must return to Earth and we'll need to either take you with us, or say our goodbyes for a time.”
“If I go to Midgard, I could still travel back and forth...between realms?”
Stephen replied, “Yes, of course. But we'd ask for your committed attention to training for several months, and then, well...we'll take things as they come. If you have to say 'no' this time, it could be quite a while before we're able to come back and try again.”
It felt strange to Lenora...the idea of a community of people like her, people who might understand and guide her after the trials of finding her own path most of her life. After a long pause during which she tried to process this information, she finally said, “I...I'm not sure what to do or say. Please don't misunderstand me, I'm incredibly grateful to both of you for this opportunity but...I think I...I need some time to make my decision...with my husband. Please, go enjoy the party. Be our guests for time you are here. We'll discuss this over the next few days of your visit. Is that agreeable to you both?”
They both nodded. Wanda spoke, “We're so grateful for your hospitality, Your Highness, and we'll leave you to speak privately.”
Stephen gave a little bow to them both and thanked them, then said, “You know, it's been awhile since I've had a drink with Thor. I think I'll go catch up.”
As the two left the balcony and closed the doors, Lea and Loki faced each other, holding hands.
Loki sighed and gave her his lopsided scoundrel's grin. “Well. So much for my plans of keeping you blissfully in bed for a few days.”
Lenora wanted to smile back but couldn't, her eyes flitted around in thought. “Hey,” said Loki. “I certainly wasn't expecting this either, but we'll figure it out. I am good at improvising.”
She looked up to him, big dark eyes questioning and uncertain, “Loki, what...what do I do? We have so much to do here for the empire.”
He stroked her face. “There'll be many transitions and changes, certainly, but it will be a time of peace. If you choose to go, I will keep you informed and we'll make decisions together. We can argue just as we always like to do, it will just be from a distance.” He winked.
He gently lifted her chin and kissed her, encircled by the velvet dome of the heavens and the green iridescent ribbons of northern lights, then said, “Whatever you decide, Lenora, I love you and I'll encourage you. The choice is yours alone. You're free.”
@gigglingtigger @goblingirlsarah @peaches1958 @thenerdyoldersister @thedistractedagglomeration @unlucky-number-13 @lokisgoodgirl @sweetsigyn
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theaawalker · 4 months
Text
His Little Lamb [ HARRY OSBORN ]
chapter I. meeting
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Pairing: Harry Osborn x Demetra Jones Series: 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 Song Inspo: Perfect by One Direction Word Count: 1,001 Summary: Demetria Jones is your classic model citizen. Smart, helpful, organized, sophisticated, and above all innocent. But that changes when she gets a new boss, Harry Osborn. She's not looking for trouble, but that might be what she's in for. Unless, maybe, she can change Harry... that is, if he doesn't change her first. Warnings: mentions of family death Masterlist: see fandoms (pc-friendly)
I thankfully made it to the meeting on time. Taking my seat in the far-off row to the right, I took out my work tools and set them out accordingly on the meeting table. It was so weird being back here after Mr. Osborn's death. Ever since the tragedy we've all taken some time to 'mourn.' But, to be honest, I'd rather much be at my job, working it off, than off partying at a club or sulking at home over my deceased boss.
        As the board room started to fill up, I started to get nervous. At any time my new boss could come through the door, and I hate not knowing when. Based on the news, Norman's son, Harry Osborn, will be taking over as CEO of Oscorp. My feelings are still undecided, but I have this ache in my gut that says he's trouble. I spent all night doing research on him, and apparently, his father shipped him to boarding school at eleven and since he's gotten out he's been nothing but a modeling playboy.
        If this is true, then I've got my hands full here.
        I checked my watch; he was two-minutes late. Everyone else was there but him, even Menken, who would be sitting on his right at the end of the table. I've never been late for anything, so I'm not impressed. Finally, in walked a young man with a brown comb-over, blue eyes that were lit up like reflecting marbles, pointy ears, and pale skin that matched his pink lips. To fit his appearance, he was also acquiring a dark blue suit, grey vest, and a brown tie. As he took his seat at the beginning of the table, I wondered how one guy can pull off so many colors. Then I remembered he was with a model.
        This was him, this was Harry Osborn.
        "Harry," Menken started once Harry was seated, "OsCorp's been under intense public scrutiny in the wake of Dr. Connor's recent uh... breach of trust."
        Harry twirled some kind of drive in his hand as he replied. "You mean people are pissed off cause he tried to turn everyone in New York City into giant lizards."
        Menken paused, as if he was about to disagree but changed his mind. "Given that...all the animal hybrid programs he was involved in were destroyed to restore investor confidence."
        "Ah, that is the Osborn way." Harry spun his chair to face Menken. "Whatever's inconvenient around, here just get rid of it, right?"
        Still, Menken pushed, "Much of that scrutiny may fall on you now. We felt that plausible deniability was your best option."
        "Sure, sure. I get it." The young CEO looked at the drive again. "Twenty-year-old kid, two hundred billion-dollar company. What was Dad thinking? I mean, you're all lawyers, right?" He looked around the room, earning awkward looks. "Surely someone must have questioned his sanity in the end." This time he was speaking indirectly to Menken, and everyone knew it. "Someone must have thought about having him declared legally incompetent, it would have made this conversation a lot easier..."
        "Harry..." Menken started but was quickly interrupted.
        "It's Mr. Osborn." Harry sternly corrected him. "We're not friends." I didn't have to be near them to know they were giving each other hateful looks. I scooted closer to get a better look at their expressions, and, with my entwined fingers, accidentally knock my pen off the table. 
        'Dang!' I internally said. I slowly lowered my head in a pathetic attempt to cover it up. A cold, lasting ache echoes through my stomach as I feel eyes from all directions fall on me. I hoped they'd be professional and just carry on, but, of course, that wasn't the case. 
        "Hi," Harry's voice sang. I looked up and there, sitting in the first chair, was my future boss. He stared into my eyes with a smile that only grows when he sees all of my face. I was wearing my glasses, so I could only imagine how nerdy I looked. "You were my father's economic analyst, right?"
        "Mm-hmm." I nod.
        "What's your name?" He asked, using a not soft but low tone. Almost like a snake talking to its prey.
        "Demetria," I replied, refusing to speak back in the same tone.
        "Demetria..." he repeated. And what came next, made my heart skip a beat. "From now on, everybody at this table works for Demetria, because Demetria works for me. Would anyone like to speak up?" An uncomfortable silence spread around the board room table. "Well, good. Then you can all keep your jobs a little longer."
        Just then, a man, I'm guessing his butler, entered to speak to Harry. They were whispering and were hard to hear from my distance. But by the look on Harry's face, it wasn't something he had expected. I sensed a bit of remorse, and even sadness, in his face. 
        To mask it, he returned the topic to me. "Demetria, I want to see every file on this list. Every single one." Harry got up and followed the butler out of the room. And just like that, he was gone.
| EARLIER THAT WEEK |
        I had had such a rough morning, which is a rare thing for me. Usually, I'm fresh and ready to tackle the day. But today was different, my boss, Norman Osborn, was dead. He was actually my idol growing up. I always saw him as like a king of a castle, and I suppose I was lucky enough to work in it while he was alive.
        But now that he's gone, things are gonna be different around Oscorp. There is no doubt in my mind walking through those doors is gonna become a burden in a matter of weeks.
        Just as I neared the elevators, and spotted an open one, I bumped into Alistair Smythe the douchebag, making my shoulder bag slip from my grasp and onto the floor. "Watch it, Jonesy!" He scolded. I was quick to pick up the stray papers and skidded to the elevator. "Oh, hold that!" To my surprise, someone holds the elevator doors open for me. "Thank you, you're a gentleman. Most people would have just let the doors close."
        "Yeah, well, most people don't notice other people." He said, which I found very true.
        "What floor, please?" K.A.R.I, the automated elevator system, requested.
 
        "Um, sixty-three..."
        "I got it," said the stranger. "What is it?"
        "Uh, sixty-three," I told him, which he repeated to K.A.R.I. 
        "Thank you," I said once again.
        I thought that was gonna be the end of our discussion, but he bickered on. "Um...I'm uh...Max. Max Dillon."
        "I'm Demetria. Nice to meet you." I said as our eyes met.
        "Nice to meet you." He replied uneasily. I could tell he wasn't used to attention.
        "Is it your birthday?" I referred to the flyer in Max's hand.
        "Oh, yeah! Well, I...a friend of mine made this flyer. I'm having a birthday party in a big club, a lot of celebrities." It didn't take a trigonometry major to know he was fibbing.
        But, out of pity, I played along. "Wow."
        "I would like to invite you, it's just that the guest list is closed." I doubted that completely.
        "Oh, got it. Well, thank you, anyway." I see Max notices the news on the elevator monitor about Spider-Man saving people from a fire. I'm personally not a big fan, but admire his heroism and watch as well.
        "It must be cool, huh?" He commented. "To have the whole world look at you like that. You know, Spider-Man saved my life one time. Out of all the people in the whole city, he saved me." He put a hand to his chest as if honored. "He said he needed me."
        "Sounds like a nice guy." I've never met Spider-Man before because I prefer not to get involved with complicated situations. But I doubt I'll need saving anytime soon. I mean, it's not like I'm in danger... at least not anymore.
        "Floor sixty-three," K.A.R.I announces just as the elevator stops and the doors open.
        "Oh, it was nice to meet you, Max." I give him one last glance before stepping out of the elevator and heading down the hall to the board room.
• ♧ • ♧ • ♧ • ♧ • ♧ • ♧ • ♧ • ♧ • ♧ • ♧ •
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whysodelirious08 · 2 years
Text
Blink [E.M]
- You're battling the aftermath of loosing Eddie
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_____
Genre: pure sadness. I'm not sorry. I needed to get this out. There's no happy ending. It's your pov only.
Summary: this is your experience after Eddie's death. Three months later. The aftermath of your feelings.
Pairing: (not really one in here) he was your boyfriend and childhood best friend.
A/N: want a good cry and a full on just heartbreak read? This is it. Listen to "Only love can hurt like this" by Kiesa Keller on repeat while you read. That's what I was listening to when writing it. Link attached for Spotify.
Please comment your feedback, I kinda need it for this one to know if I portrayed the sad feeling well! Thank you.
Word count: about 1.4k
- Please don't steal my work or upload it to other platforms. Translating is a no go too. Thank you -
_____
After the shitshow that was the Upside-down, you couldn't face anyone in the group anymore; not Dustin, even after he held you while you cried. Not Nancy, as she rubbed your back and let you lay against her shoulder. Not even Steve, when he made you endless meals and sat in silence with you for hours. But now, everyone in the group were trying to get back to their lives, how could they do that? How could they just get on with things? You could barely get out of bed. You were the one in the group that was better off than everyone else and because of this you didn't have to work, you had though. Just…before everything. Now you couldn't face the world outside your front door. Your friends attempts to help you had ceased, they tried but there was only so much they could do in the end. They were all trying to battle the aftermath of emotions and nightmares. 
Sometimes you'd wake up from a dream, dazed and delusional, you'd sit on the edge of the bed and swear you could feel his kisses burning into your skin still. You'd run your fingers over where he had kissed you and then you came to and the feeling dissolved as quickly as your mind had snapped back to reality. And then the tears would fall, the kisses replaced by hot droplets. You'd cry until no sound escaped, until your throat hurt so immensely, until you choked and gasped, until your nose burned and you felt blank. And if you just closed your eyes…
Just for a moment. 
You could almost feel his ringed fingers graze your cheek. 
But it was all lies. You knew this yet sometimes you'd let yourself believe, if only for a second. Sometimes that's all your pleading heart needed. 
"Please…come back to me" you'd whisper hundreds of times a night, hoping that a shooting star would capture your wish, that he'd be there; in bed, holding you close when you woke up. But all you ever woke up to was the peeling white wall, you were sick of it. You hated that wall with a passion. You hated seeing his sharpie scribbles, now faded and parts missing where the paint had chipped. 
"Morning sunshine" written in his overly large handwriting. You had been so annoyed that he had written on the wall. Now you hoped that it would never truly fade away. The sight meant you started your day with a sour taste in your mouth and yet you wouldn't have it any other way. It was the only way he would ever say good morning to you anymore. No more messages on the answerphone. No more aggressive knocking on your door when he had forgotten your spare key. No more waking up to the feeling of him trying to climb into bed, his lips on the back of your neck, his arm around your waist. No more whispered "Mornin sweetheart". 
You managed to pull yourself from the bed when you heard Steve at your front door, trying to talk to you through the door but you couldn't understand a single world, the world was wavy, spinning. You pulled the front door open eventually after unlocking it, staring blankly at Steve. Almost through him as he spoke. 
"Have you eaten?" He repeated for the third time, his voice annoyed as he repeated it louder. This time you heard. You took a breath and blinked a bit. 
"No. No, I've just woke up" You mumbled, a little slurred. You watched as Steve nodded and went to say something, his tongue clicking a little as he had opened his mouth but stopped. Changing his dialogue to something else, evidently. 
"I've brought you some uh- pasta. Do you…need some company?" He asked but your eyes were locked onto the sleeveless denim jacket he was wearing. Why would he wear that. To your house. Your house of all places. Your lips pressed together, your eyebrows knitted together so tightly they may never move. 
"Leave that in your car" you mumbled as you waves toward the jacket and walked away, leaving the door open for Steve to come through. Steve had looked down and scolded himself. 
"Shit..! Great job Steve" You had barely heard Steve whisper to himself as you moved to your bedroom. You pulled your greasy, almost matted locks into a bun of sorts, changing into fresh clothes and putting some body spray on. You opened your windows while you were at it. You heard Steve walk in before your eyes set upon him once at the bottom of the stairs. The two of you spent a few hours talking and watching something stupid while you ate. Once you could no longer hear his car though, you ran a bath and slid into it, hotter than usual just to feel something. Anything. 
The tears were delayed for a while, you were just staring off into space before the twisting feeling came back ten fold. You never took baths, the last time was when he was sat behind you, your back to his chest, his fingers tracing stipes into your thigh as you told him some shitty joke. And for a moment you remembered how his laughter felt against your back. Now the hard plastic was hurting as the bumps of your hunched spine pressed into it. Your throat tightened. Unapologetic, animalistic cries echoing off the walls, begging for him. Your heart had been ripped from your chest, an abysmal void left in it's place. You wanted to punch something. Hurt someone. Just to feel better but you knew, deep down, it wouldn't help. 
The sheets of your changed bedding was soft in comparison to the bath tub. Your body sinking into the familiar mold that you had crafted by the hour's you laid there over the last three months. Sleep seemed to come easier that night and you awoke at some point before five, a harsh noise having drawn you from your slumber. A deep breath inhaled as you pulled the sheets off your soon freezing body. Realising you must've left a window open somewhere. It felt unusually cold, though. 
You groaned as you approached the front door, mumbling out some sort of remark that you were awake and opening the door, and to just hang on. The desperate, frantic knocking persisted though and then, as you were turning the last lock the voice clicked. It was him. You pulled the door open so suddenly that you almost threw yourself back. You met his doe-like eyes, his parted, plush lips, those crazy brown curls. 
"Eddie…" You had all but breathed out, barely able to say it. Blinking as you stared at nothing. Standing at your bedroom door to an empty hallway. And all you had done was blink…
…and he was gone again. Never truly there. 
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16woodsequ · 4 months
Note
Hi! I’ve been following your Steve fics for a while and just wanted to say I really really love everything you’ve written, especially the Alternatively series.
Idk if you give writing advice and sorry if this comes out of the blue, but do you ever struggle comparing yourself to other writers on Ao3? I’ve been posting on and off lately but get so discouraged when I see fics with hundreds of thousands of hits and thousands of kudos and comments. I just don’t feel like I’ll ever compete with that, you know?
Hello! Thank you for your kind words! It always lifts me up to hear things like that :D
I've been thinking about this ask a lot to think of how I handle that feeling. Because it might surprise you considering how many people read my fics, but I also feel discouraged sometimes when fics don't get the engagement I'd love sometimes.
Here's some things I've done to help myself:
First, I added a skin to my AO3 to turn off numbers on fics. This blocks comment numbers, hit counts, kudos, that sort of thing. @ao3commentoftheday has good tutorials for ao3 skins. I made a google docs with the coding for the skins I use if you're interested.
I find hiding the numbers really helps me, because I found I was beginning to focus a lot on the numbers of my fics. These skins block the numbers on your fics and other people's. Doing this helps me not fixate on the numbers and take more happiness in the fics themselves.
When I first changed my ao3 skin I didn't turn it off for several weeks, to wean myself off of it, but now I turn it off on Sundays and give myself the day to enjoy looking at the bookmark numbers and stuff like that, because now it sparks joy more than discouragement, which is the goal.
Second, I try to treasure the good stuff. When creating things I find it very very important to remind yourself of the good things. Our brains are kind of wired to forget the positive reception we've gotten for things and we keep chasing more, which can leave us discouraged.
So find ways to treasure whatever happy things you've gotten from your fics or fandom experience online.
For example, I have a personal discord serve with just me where I save screenshots of amazing comments, touching notes, tags, bookmarks, asks etc that people have left on my fics and posts. This way I can go back and look at them anytime.
I also save my favourite comments in my ao3 inbox instead of deleting them.
And I've also started a scrapbook with my favourite comments so I can hopefully really remember them and imprint them into my brain.
Train yourself to truly appreciate the interactions you get. That's a whole person there! And that's pretty amazing.
Third, often what fandom people are truly looking for is community. That's why we want people to comment on our fics and art because we want to share this amazing idea we had and we want to talk about this thing we love!
So find a community that will listen to you. On tumblr or on discord or with a mutual. Find people who will be excited when you share a headcanon with them or a meme or an in depth analysis of a character.
I find that helps me feel appreciated and excited for what I'm working on and that really really helps.
Fourth, Don't compare your fics to someone's fics that have been posted for a year of more!! This is really easy to do, I do it with my own fics all the time.
But we forget that numbers accumulate over time! Of course your new fic doesn't have as many hits or kudos or whatever as a fic you posted three years ago!
Comparing the two is like getting to the party, putting your cake down and feeling bad because no one's taken a bite, while Brenda's cake, which has been here for two hours is mostly crumbs. These things take time sometimes!
Anyways, I hope this helps. Thanks for the ask!
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rogueyami · 1 year
Note
hi just saw your post about post canon sokka fics from like 3 days ago lol, do you have any that you recommendd? thank uu
Hello! Thank you for the ask :)
Would just like to start off by apologizing that it took me awhile. Life has been so busy lately ;-;
But yes, I do have some fics that I recommend!!
Without further ado, here are my fav Ambassador Sokka/Firelord Zuko fics I've read!
The Fate of Nations in Our Hands by sapphic_ambitions  (T)
Sokka and Zuko's journey with touch over the course of Sokka's first year as the Ambassador.
honestly i just adore this fic and have read it twice.
isn’t this the vision that you wanted by nebulastucky
Firelord Zuko - ender of the Hundred Year War, ruler of the Fire Nation, payer of respects and reparations - takes advice and counsel from representatives of every nation, division, and specialty.
But teenage boy Zuko - friend of turtleducks, wielder of fun looking swords, stumbler over words and feet in the presence of cute boys - only listens to two people, and they are conspiring together to ruin him.
or: Iroh just wants what's best for his nephew, and Katara just wants to know everyone's business.
this fic made me realize i will never get tired of the “just one bed” trope
i never get to hold you (as long as i want to)   (E)
“I thought maybe we could keep it between us for a bit,” Sokka says, close enough that Zuko feels the words on the skin of his throat. “If other people know, then it’s not just you and me anymore. I’d like to be just you and me for a while.”
“Just you and me?” Zuko stares at Sokka, and Sokka stares right back, like there’s nothing else in the world worth looking at.
“If you want that,” Sokka says, barely a whisper, and Zuko wants that. Zuko wants that more than anything.
"Yeah," he breathes. "You and me."
this is the second part of “isn’t this the vision that you wanted” where we just get zukka relationship goodness
Real Slow by surveycorpsjean    (E)
“I see.” Zuko closes the scroll. “Is the Water Tribe sending a replacement?”
“Uh yeah,” Sokka gestures to himself dramatically. “You’re looking at him.”
this has to be one of my fav fics of all time and what got me in the ambassador sokka/firelord zuko rabbit hole
the stars sighed in unison by spellboundrose   (E)
For some reason, Zuko can't stop looking at Sokka out of the corner of his eye. It must be something about the way the moonlight reflects off his skin—or maybe how his eyes, such a vibrant shade of blue, glimmer like the stars above them—
Oh.
Oh, no.
(Or, five moments under the night sky and one beneath the sun.)
beautiful, beautiful fic. actually just finished reading it recently. i love stars and space, so this fic was a real treat! truly delightful!
Seasons in the Sun by burkesl17   (E)
Ambassador Sokka's first year in the Fire Nation, a story for each of its seasons. With thunder, assassins, blossoms, poison, politics, volcanoes and a baby dragon. Also falling in love.
Or: four parties, four assassination attempts.
currently reading this one and loving it so far! slow burn with the added spice of assassination attempts? count me in! and i love just how soft it is too.
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privateanxieties · 1 year
Note
Hi, first of all, I love your work so much. You understand the character, and your writing is so eloquent and compelling, it’s UGH love it. The golden age has a very special place in my heart, makes me as writer go “this. this is what I want to achieve.” Tangent aside, just wondering if I could get some more info on the next update of “the nearness of you in my imagination?” 🫶
Hiiiiii! Thank you so much! The golden age is my favorite story I've written so far. I think I was just in a different headspace entirely, and more focused than I am now. I also wrote it for me and no one else, and I think generally, writers do their best work when they don't pay any mind to things like audience reception. I honestly hope to write more like this in the coming months.
As for the coffee shop AU... boy, if that story isn't banging pots and pans in my head because I want to finish it, and at the same time, I don't even know what I was going for when I wrote those chapters. I think something got away from me and the more I tried writing the next chapter, the more frustrated I got. I suppose I'm not very good at writing serial fics without finishing them first, and then posting. I wrote a little more of the next chapter in December, and should I finally have a serious conversation with the stubborn part of my brain, maybe I will finish it this month. For now, here is a little snippet of Chapter 5:
------------------------
"Alchemax is a hydra. With over four hundred official divisions worldwide and who knows how many unofficial hiding holes, the likelihood of escaping their grasp once the tentacles have ensnared you is slim. It's this knowledge that has kept Peter nailed to his spot at the edge of her bed until the clock struck 7 p.m., long after he returned from the subway station.
He should have never left her alone. Waiting for her on the fire escape after their fight was the worst decision he made, but he figured she needed some time to cool off. She was safe, after all. She had his scarf.
But then he found it lying at the bottom of the stairs, the brown wooly fabric turned a nauseating maroon and the tracker he'd sown into the lining crushed beyond use. She couldn't have done that herself. Either the scarf was removed by her (and considering his fuck-up earlier, there was a high possibility), or it was forcibly removed by someone else. The blood on the stairs makes him think of all the ways she might've been killed, but the absence of a body has him hoping against all hope.
He was minutes late when seconds counted. Now, he has no idea where to start looking.
Is he even looking for her? Or is revenge the only remaining option? They would not have killed her so quickly. Why threaten and intimidate for weeks just to end it with no grandiose gesture? Why break into her apartment just to leave without incident?
No, that's not like Powell, Peter thinks. And tonight, Spider-Man will pay him a visit.
.
.
.
Being kidnapped is not the ideal way to find out things about yourself, but it is no less effective than any other method. For example, she'd probably have to undergo a year of therapy just to figure out she's not as afraid of dying as any normal person should be. Instead, here she is: figuring it out in the less than twenty minutes that she's been awake, strapped to a vertical slab of metal. She's not afraid of dying, because she suspects it would be preferable to whatever is in store for her.
It's quiet where she is, and bright enough that keeping her eyes open for more than a few seconds at a time hurts. The two or three times she's tried inspecting her surroundings revealed little more than the sterile environment she could already identify using her sense of smell. White tile, stainless steel, glass and antiseptic - the laboratory setting is unmistakable and not that fascinating. She isn't terribly interested in studying it. It only adds to the stress bubbling under her skin, weighing down already heavy limbs. Everything hurts. From the moment she came to, the pain worked to propel memories to the forefront of her mind.
Stairs. Cold. Sharp edges. Acute panic. Stolen breath. Despair. She cycled through the abstract until the concrete materialized soon thereafter.
Someone pushed her, that she knows. She tumbled down an interminable flight of stairs that cut into her kidney and broke more than one or two essential things. At the bottom, her head cracked off the pavement so hard that it erased the pain for one blissful second. It didn't last. Lying there in disbelief, involuntary squawks and forced breaths all disordered, she waited for something to happen that would annul reality. Maybe she would wake up in bed. Maybe her body wasn't giving out on her.
The taste of copper threatening to choke her contradicted everything her mind came up with to soothe itself, until it finally caved into nothingness.
She was making her way out of the station, lost in bitterness and on the verge of angry tears. She wasn't paying attention; she was trying to shove down feelings that made her chest tight and her hands clammy. Played. Strung along. Used. Exploited. Coaxed with sweet words and overt affection. Before her stomach was churning with dread and pain from the fall, it was already gnawing at her from sheer defeat."
---------------------------
So. Yeah.
I also have a problem with this story because I wrote it in the present tense and have since written all my other stories in the past tense. It's getting harder and harder to switch!
I'm sorry to keep people in suspense, waiting on a story that isn't finished, but at least I know now not to post any kind of story in chapters before it's well and truly wrapped up. It's not just better in terms of managing expectations, but serial writing is just very open to a lot of errors, plot holes, inconsistent characterization etc...
I hope you stick around to see it finished! Thank you for reading and for sharing your thoughts with me, it means a lot! :)
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