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unabashednightmarepizza · 1 year

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𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑁𝑒𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑏𝑜𝑟

A/N: My ass couldn't wait to publish this work even though I wanted to wait a few days but the feedback was amazing... So HERE IS YOUR MEAL GALS!

Taglist: @lol-im-done @lu002 @keepingitlokiii

Series Masterlist

It had been a long day of studying and working for you, being able to return back home in the middle of the night, very later than you normally came, and there was nothing more you wanted than sleeping the rest of the night away. Getting to hear your teachers in college scold everyone and anything, while thinking of a way to reach your work place on time and planning what to cook for your sisters...

Life was hard, but yours was more like a death penalty.

Thankfully, the Adlers from the next house was kind enough to let you, more like make you, leave them in their care while you went to college and then work, helping in any way they can. You felt bad for the elder woman, thinking that you were being a liability when she hit your head hard, saying that your sisters alongside with her grandchildren lifted her energy up.

And now, even though you were tired and ready to explode on someone, you knew that your sisters needed their older sister more. “Hey, you said you didn’t understand something about your homeworks, right? Let me help you while we eat some junk food, okay?”

The happy squeals they let out made you coo after them sweetly, getting to the kitchen to prepare a hot drink and some chips and dried fruits. You were at ease knowing that what they were about to bring wouldn’t be so bad...

They were 11 year-olds in middle school, how bad could it be?

“You guys see this in school?! That was in my highschool!”

“Yeah, sis we told you! We complained the stupidity of the government but you said it couldn’t be that bad!” you grumbled under your breath, not really having something to say to that while erasing what you had written.

“Okay, smart ass, I was wrong! Now, here is an easy way to solv-“

All three of you winced when an ear-piercing baby crying was heard from the next door house, you looking at the door with an agitated look. Breathing through your nose, you dropped the pen and gripped your hairs thightly, hoping that the voice would cut and the silence of the night would engulf the peaceful street...

But it was only for a brief second when a louder one reached the every house around.

“I think they’re having troubles with the baby...”

“Yeah, heard some of the ladies’ pitying eyes and talk of how they had to raise a newborn baby alone...” your sisters mumbled between each other, looking at the door worriedly and you raised a brow curiously at seeing a clear worry on their faces. For the most part, you were aware that you didn’t have the chance to meet with your neighbors except Miss Adlers and you swore you weren’t all that interested in whoever there was in the house next to yours but...

“What do you mean? Do you eavesdrop now?”

“No, we swear we don’t! But you know we’re tiny,”

“And we’re mostly thought to be stupid that we can’t understand adult talks... Which makes bringing tea easier.” They laughed in delight and high-fived, proud of themselves for outsmarting you while your eyes welled with slight tears.

When did they grow up so much?

“Okay, you little gossippers. Now tell me what you know too.”

“Ohhh~ Are you interested in the young dad next door?”

You flushed at her teasing smirk and pushed her away from your face to grab a jacket to see if there was anything you could help with the baby while listening to the cocky siblings you had. “Well, his name is Joel Miller, 20 year old male living with his brother who likes to get in jail. Married for a short amount of times but the mother left them, reason: unknown. He likes to play guitar, has the cow eyes and as the ladies call ‘is a sight for sore eyes’.”

You looked at her confused, and horrified, since they knew -possibly- everything about a human being that someone could know, while laying on the ground and posing, looking at their nails as if it was the strangest thing in the world. “Ho-How do you know all of these?!” you exclaimed angrily while getting the keys and walking up to the door, trying not to feel ashamed at learning such things about a man you didn’t even know up until just a few minutes ago.

“Don’t forget to tell Tommy that using a baby to lure women to himself is lame!”

“And we learnt them all because people in this street are noisy!” they waved you out while relaxing on the couch, and you shivered at the chill night breeze. These were the last things you heard before you threw yourself out, swearing to never let the others gossip with them in the same room. All the things they said was interesting, a man being left with a kid when it was usually the other way around nowadays. You were impressed that he was a hands-on father, trying his best while he probably didn’t know a thing about looking after a baby by the increasing wailing of the baby.

You let out an angry scowl at the irritating high-pitched cry, ready to just bang the door for ruining the silence you needed so badly after hours of working and that was what you were about to do before a thought crossed your mind, which made you frown to yourself in disappointment.

That was the same reaction you got when you were a young kid, taking care of your little siblings when your parents were off working, not caring much about their children.

You also felt helpless as they screamed their hearts out, trying and failing to understand what was wrong with them or what they needed. How you felt angry, irritated tears came to your eyes, how you felt ashamed at the many stares you got as if you were the one who was supposed to care for little babies as if you birthed them...

You wouldn’t make the same mistake.

Knocking on the door with a soft sigh, you heard a panicked shit coming from inside and came a black haired man who looked very much so miserable with sweat running down his forehead, He wasn’t able to look at you throughly because of the worry that they were irritating people and he imediately started spit apologies. “I’m sorry for causing so much discomfort, I swear we are-“

“Hey,hey,hey! It’s okay, I’m not here to complain like an old woman...” he sighed in relief and slumped over the door, your heart breaking for their obvious misery while you held the tired and exhausted man up by his shoulders when probably-no scratch that- the most handsome and cute guy you had ever seen in your goddamn life came in your view with a cute, yet wailing, baby in his arms.

“Tommy, I swear if it’s another woman when I’m dying over here-“ Joel’s cursing was cut in the middle when he saw a woman he usually saw coming and getting out of the house next door at ungodly hours. Many times, he wanted to meet you, and many times he failed in that.

Not because he was nervous, but his life was breaking apart with the responsibility of the fatherhood.

He loved his daughter, his precious Sarah, but right now he really felt useless while his baby was still crying in his embrace, face now red like a tomato and discomfort written all over her face. He felt a tear run down his cheek, overwhelmed by the cries and hastily wiped it so that you wouldn’t see…

And maybe it was because of the “mother senses” you got through years of taking care of your sisters but that little baby’s squishable face made you coo at her sweetly. And, like a miracle, she stopped crying for a second and rather sniffled when her eyes turned to you.

Leaving both men in shock.

“How the- Are you a baby whisperer or something?!” yelled Tommy in excitement, the loud voice causing Sarah to start crying again and ending up with you slapping his chest while Joel bounced the little girl, hoping it would bring comfort to her. Though it seemed that her uncle being hit in front of her was enough to make Sarah stop once again.

“Stop screaming, dumbass! Baby ears are sensitive!” you whisper yelled, Joel snorting amusedly at his brother’s misery when a voice he never liked- the voice of a woman who always thought he knew the best- reached the three of you, causing you to turn sharply and look around the corner of the still-open door with flaming eyes.

“Oh God, young people and them making babies at such young ages when they can barely take care of themselves... That’s why we can’t live in peace-“

“Maybe, the reason why you can’t bear the cries of a baby- when that’s the most natural thing- is because of your old fruitlets, you bonker!” you yelled over the door, angry at witnessing yet another “Karen” when the said woman got embrassed, a few other people looking out and having sympathetic eyes turned to you three, and got inside her house, probably cursing at you but you didn’t care.

They weren’t the ones trying to be best here.

It really was nothing, in your eyes. People always loved to judge a mother/father, always ready to act like they were born with the ways of taking care of a baby, and even going as far as humilating the parent by telling them they couldn’t take care of their own baby.

And you couldn’t stop them all maybe, but you wouldn’t let anyone pull that shit in your presence.

And as someone who wasn’t used to having the kindness of people, real kindness, Joel was left amazed at how quick you were to defend them and how you defended them as if they were your family.

Maybe, you weren’t that bad and even came here with worry obviously.

But seeing your doe eyes turning to his hazel, tired ones with the softest look given to him and then the baby in his embrace... He thought he could trust someone again.

“I know that as her dad, you would be the best one to know her but... By the looks of you two, she is giving you a hard time and everyone needs some help at one point... So, would you like me to help?”

And the answer to that innocent question was one that would change everything for everyone at that moment.

And little Sarah, without knowing, brought two people that would care for each other and her the most by choosing to be calm and cute in your presence.

“I wouldn’ wanna make you uncomfortable-“

“Nonsense, I think this little lady over here,” you brought a finger close to her tummy and slightly tickled her, causing her to erupt in giggles which made the man holding her look at you as if you were the center of his world while the girl took a hold of your hand to chew. “Had already chosen me to be here... I swear I’m not some dangerous woman, only one that wants to help.”

And when Joel let you inside with a relaxed sigh after hours of crying, Tommy saw that his brother smiled for the first time over a year.

“I swear you are a baby whisperer, how did you manage to calm her down and then manage to play with her?” you laughed at the astonished looks the two brothers were giving you, sitting on the ground with Sarah over your lap, rubbing her back to get the gas out of her while she laid against you like a sack of patato with a happy smile over her chubby face.

“No, I’m not. I’m just someone who had to take care of two babies.” They both grimaced softly, impressed that you took care of two when they were barely able to take care of one. Joel watched you slowly pat the soft curls on his daughter’s head with a serene look, as if that was what you were born to do. He looked at the happy smile on her lips, how thight she was holding onto you as if you’d disappear when she bit and cried bloody murder whenever a woman would come close to him and her. It was almost like she felt their bad aura, trying to protect her dad from them even when she was a tiny baby but the same gremlin-like kid was now a putty, sleeping on you like an angel.

He wondered what was different with you, that made you kind enough and brave enough to come and help two men in the middle of the night...

He wondered what it was that different with you from the woman he once called his wife, that made it so easy for you to stay for her.

He came back from his dreaming when Tommy sat next to you to watch you softly caress Sarah’s little back, noting how you did to ease her, chuckling when her cheeks and lips squished together on your shoulder while she started to sleep peacefully. “I think we’re good for the rest of the night...”

“Hmm, can’t believe a baby could be that sweet yet also scaring... She’s a sweetheart though.” Joel smiled at you kindly when your eyes found his and he got up to take the baby from you, your hands slowly finding her armpits to raise her off of your chest to not wake her...

Which failed when she started to whimper at the loss of warmth.

“Oh, someone chose her favourite person, it seems~” Tommy whistled at you two, making you flush under Joel’s intense look while your heart beated hard under your clothes at how Sarah was just so comfortable with you. Most of the times, it would be like this. Just a few minutes in their presence, and they would slither close to you.

I guess this is God’s way of telling me I should become a mother but...

After much working, and failing, you looked at Joel for help when he smiled to you and pointed to her crib across the bedroom, eyes softly looking at the image of you holding Sarah. “You can put her in her crib, if you wan’ it. It’s fine...”

You nodded at his words, getting up with the help of Tommy and going to the crib and lowering your upper body to lay the girl softly on her bed and giving her a plushie to hug. For a few seconds, you just stood there, absentmindedly caressing her cheeks while you watched her sleep. For some strange reasons, you couldn’t leave her. It felt strange, how she suddenly took a hold of your heart and you already loved her when she grabbed your finger.

If you only knew how important she would become to you.

While you were deep in your thoughts, Joel stood at the door when you didn’t come back after 5 minutes, worried that something happened but was pleasantly surprised at seeing you so soft with Sarah, leaning over with his hands crossed on his chest and watched with love-filled eyes at his daughter’s happiness. It had been a hard day for him, with both working and looking after his daughter. It had been a while that all three of them were that happy and peaceful and to think that it was all thanks to the magical touch of a woman next door...

He thought you would be a good mother one day, watching how you interacted with a baby that had nothing to do with you and how loving you were to your sisters even if they annoyed you.

It’s a family thing I guess, he thought sadly. Why couldn’t I get that? Haven’t I already given enough..?

“I'm sorry I made you leave your kids alone, you can go if you want...” he said after pulling himself together, with a shy look at you when he saw the moonlight light up your tired features. You were surprised at hearing his voice so suddenly, even if that was his house, and you realized that he had talked to you and waited for you to say something while smirking amused at your startled face.

“ Wait, wait... Ah, they’re not my kids. I know it seems like that, with those two being glued to my legs, and they could be considered I guess since I’ve been taking care of them my whole life but... They’re my sisters.” You explained, rambling hurriedly, watching the shock on his face at the revelation and you chuckled at the cute look he had before getting out of the room, checking Sarah if everything was fine with her one least time when he spoke hurriedly after you, trying to apologize while thinking he had offended you.

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend-“ he held his neck awkwardly, not knowing how to act before a woman after a year of living isolated. Seeing him trully sorry, thinking you were offended, you gave a genuine smile to him and took a hold of his arm, rubbing it softly and Joel understood why Sarah became a jello under your embrace.

If that same feeling were to engulf him too, he would also slump against you.

“Calm down... Joel, right? It’s okay, it’s mostly the look I get whenever I explain it. I’m used to it by now and to be honest you were the most normal reaction I ever got.” He sighed in relief and looked at you as if there was something he wanted to say, and for the most part he did.

He really wanted to talk to you, have you a bit longer here so that he could experience the comfort and light you emitted.

“Can I get you anything? Coffee, maybe? For the help you have given us?” he mumbled anxiously, palms sweating tons when you stopped mid-action, jacket still in your hands and you gave a small smile to him. You really wanted to, it has been a long time since you relaxed after all. It wasn’t every day that you had a guy offering something, and though it wasn’t a date...

You wanted to consider some sort of that.

“I would like it very much, if that’s not a problem?” you dropped the jacket and sat down while he gave you a small smile before disappearing in the kitchen.

“Never, wait here and get comfy.” Joel immediately set off to impress you, the instinct to do so being foreign to him, It wasn’t like you were his girlfriend, or someone he dated or cared, this was the first time he saw you but it almost felt like he knew you for a long time.

As if you two spent your lives together. And though he didn’t ask for your favourite coffee, a gut feeling in him somehow told him to go with it and bring the coffee to you with shaky hands.

You who had been looking at the many pictures on the wall silently, with a soft smile. Upon seeing him and his shaky smile, you took the cup from him thankfully and your mouth went dry when your fingers touched each other, twitching to hold onto more. You thought he would maket he coffee as he wanted, not really knowing how you liked the hot drink since he didn’t ask you.

But accepting that drink was the best decision you have ever made. This, this masterpiece of a coffee was the best one you ever had. ”You are a God-sent, Joel. This is the best coffee I’ve ever drank!” he chuckled at your enthusiatic voice, butterflies erupting in him after a long time, making a flustered smile sit on his handsome face when he plopped down next to you, but still putting some space just in case.

“I’m glad, you seemed like you needed that.”

“Oh, yeah. Taking care of two rascals while studying and working is hard really.”

“You go to college? What do you study?” he straightened up slightly and leaned over, trully excited and curious of what you do. And though you normally wouldn’t do this, you trusted him and his stupid, flustered smile.

“Psychology, and though it’s what I always wanted to do... It’s a pain in my ass.” You responded with an equally happy smile, Joel returning it enthusiasticly, wanting to learn more about what you learn since he never got to go college.

And though you were tired before coming here, both he and Sarah had that strange way to make you energetic and alive that you two now standing before each other whole you explained one of the theories you learnt today. And maybe, Joel didn’t understand a thing but seeing you so happy to talk to him out of everyone made him realize that he’s also a 20 year old just like you.

And that Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs was an interesting one.

And it was also interesting to you... which made you trip over a toy mid-explaining, ready to humilate yourself in front a guy...

Good thing, it didn’t happen... Bad thing? You were nose to nose with a guy you had just met with blown eyes.

Joel reacted fast, knowing how much those toys hurted, and leaped up to hold your waist to stop you from falling that essentially ended with you two nose to nose, his arms holding onto your waist thight while your hand bunched the shirt he wore, the scene looking as if it was out of a romance movie.

You both blushed, hollow breaths leaving your mouths harshly and you could smell the cologne he wore, how his arms felt like holding onto you, holding you to his chest. You got lost in the hazel of his eyes, feeling the same pull you did when you were looking at Sarah...

As if you had been waiting for them.

In the middle of your internal freaking out, Joel, unknown to you, also felt the same pull. He couldn’t lie, even when he was with Sarah’s mother, he never felt trully whole. As if he had found his true happiness...

As if he found a reason.

And looking at you, all kind and soft, helping and everything good, Joel couldn’t stay as a stranger to the beating of his heart. He got lost in your eyes, wondering what it would be like to hang out with you more...

You were definetly a beauty. A beauty that wouldn’t look for a man with a kid.

But your eyes almost invited him in, lips plush and waiting while he felt your fingers slowly caress his cheek. Was that how heaven felt-

“Sis, come here! She is finally getting a guy!”

“Damn, I didn’t think It would be that fast!”

You both widened your eyes and looked at the window, only to see your two sisters in front of their open windows, eating some chips while watching you two as if it was the most interesting thing for them.

You immediately pulled away from Joel, both sides missing the other’s warmth and scent, and ran to the open window to yell at them angrily while your cheeks felt hot even with the chill air.

For both ruining the moment, and also still being awake.

“What are you two bugs doing awake at this hour? You two have school tomorrow!” you exclaimed while Joel laughed behind you, the sound of it setting your heart aflame while one of your sisters waved to him, Joel doing the same when two angel-looking kids turned to you with mischievous looks

And it amused Joel so much so that he just leaned his hip to the side and watched you two roast the other.

“We know but just wanted to make sure that we’re still gonna watch that movie before sleeping...”

“ All you think is movies... Yeah, we are gonna watch it.” you looked at them to finally go and sleep, but the more timid one out of the two looked up shyly.

“Can... Can the baby come too? If her dad allows?” your worried eyes turned to Joel, who didn’t expect them to invite him and his daughter. He didn’t have many friends and this time was the first time he interacted with someone more than a few minutes.

And you could see that he liked his peace, by the way how you didn’t realize there were people living next to you.

“You don’t have to accept, if you don’t want to. I’ll talk to them-“ you offered him, not wanting to be here and let your sisters make you feel flustered anymore when a gentle hand caught your wrist to stop you, and gave you the most loving and happy grin he ever did. “We would be happy, as long as the movie is not bad.”

“It’s nothing bad, we swear! We’re gonna watch Barbie the Nutcracker and Barbie as Rapunzel!”

“How the hell can you hear us from there?!” your sister let out a huge laugh at that, while you grumbled under your breath to get out and show them a funny shit, and Joel looked between you two confused, being not well-versed into the many movies you had been watching because of those kids.

“What the hell are those?”

“trust me, you will know them better than your own name when Sarah grows up...” you groaned even more when he chuckled and the most breathtaking smile overtook his face, which made you smile even brighter and let out a shy chuckle.

But obviously, it was a disgusting sight for the eleven years olds.

“It ain’t my fault you don’t know the legendary movie of the century sir, seriously I don’t wanna be an adult... Anyways we’re goin’ sleeping!” they groaned at the love-sick smiles you two were giving to each other, silently betting when you would get together with him.

“You better, kids. I’m not taking your asses out that bed tomorrow!” and that was their final warning before they scurried of to their beds which made you sigh and dart out of the door,remembering all the things you had to write.

But you didn’t forget to turn back and give Joel a thumbs up. “The movie night starts at 8 p.m tomorrow, I’ll be waiting for you.”

And only thing Joel could do, was to make a thumbs up back, and even when he laid down on the bed next to his daughter’s crib, he couldn’t stop the excited beating of his heart. He turned to look at her sweet face with a hand over his heart and chuckled into the deep silence of the night.

“You showed off your picking the right person talents huh, kid?”

#joel miller imagine #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller #tlou x reader #tlou series #tlou imagine #tlou x you #tlou hbo #the last of us x reader #the last of us imagine

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zoroslost · 1 year

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AU where sanji can see ghosts and kuina has been haunting zoro. They become friends after she realizes that he can see her and also once she manages to beat it into him to be a normal person around her.

Both of the swordsmen are in rough shape after the fight and Zoro passes out for days after securing his victory. He doesnt know much about what’s happening outside while he sleeps, but he can hear talking when he manages to swim into consciousness.

“-were just here to see what happens to him right? What happens to you now?” the voice is deep but warm, Zoro kind of wants to curl up in it.

“How the fuck should I know, no one explained this ghost thing to me. You’re the one who’s been able to see them for the past 25 years and you already know that I can’t talk to other ghosts,” it sounds like a kid, high pitched and grating. He kind of wants to tell her to shut up, but he feels a longing to keep hearing her talk. But he’s still asleep so he can’t tell her to do anything anyway so she continues, “Haven’t you seen one fade before?”

“Of course I have,” the man replies, “Usually they just vanish as soon as their reasons for staying are complete, which we both thought was to make sure this idiot completed his goal before he got himself killed.”

Zoro feels a soft hand brush against his forehead as the girl hums in reply. He wants to ask what they’re talking about, wants to see who they are, but the warmth of the hand brushing his face pulls him back into unconsciousness.

He's woken by the same voices sometime later.

“-still doing it wrong, idiot,” the girl complains.

“You’re the one who told me how to do this,” he can hear the eye roll in the man’s voice, “Would you rather I just leave her, I’m sure the moss-head would appreciate that.”

“Better that than doing it wrong,” she grumbles in reply, but seems content with his reply and let’s the other continue. Zoro registers the sharp scent of sword oil and steel as it cuts through the bitter smell of smoke that fills the room.

The two continue the sword cleaning in relative peace, only broken by the girl correcting the man’s work occasionally. Zoro wonders why she doesn’t just do the work herself.

"You going back to your ocean now?" the man hums in reply, "I mean you only stayed to see everyone finish their goals and he was the last one."

"You sure you won't be lonely without me Mellorine."

"As if you damn womanizer!"

"I won't leave until you figure out where you're going."

"You're just looking for an excuse to stay around your Marimo~"

"Not at all Kui-chan, I'm only here to make sure such a beautiful lady doesn't get lost with this oaf."

"You're not fooling anyone love-cook."

Their feeble back and forth lulls him back to sleep.

The next time Zoro rises to the surface, its quiet. His hand is warm, clutched in someone else’s, and he can hear their even breaths clearly in the silence.

“You’re the greatest now huh? Guess I’ll really be the only one who’s ever above you little Zoro. I would say it’s been nice to watch you get here but I’ve seen so much shit I never wanted to. You’re gross!”

The girls voice is quiet and wistful; she clearly isn’t expecting anyone to hear her. He wants to wake up, to argue with her, but his body won’t cooperate.

“Still, I should say thank you, I guess. For carrying my dream. Still kinda pathetic that you had to copy mine but it’s impressive regardless,” her teasing tone turns somber as she continues, “I don’t understand why I’m still here. You completed my dream, we’re the best. I thought I was stuck here to make sure you saw it through but you’ve done that, so why?”

She remains in contemplative silence for a while after. Zoro is almost back under when he hears her, “He’s waiting for you you know. You need to let me go already, there’s someone who’s been waiting for you for far longer than you know. Go with him and find your new goal. God knows you’ll be lost without it…”

He drifts back into the abyss, but not before feeling a cool brush of air across his forehead. It almost felt like a hand.

His head is clearer the next time he hears them and he finally has enough consciousness to recognize them as the cook and Kuina. A weird duo to dream about, but who said dreams had to make sense.

“So you figured it out then?”

“Yep, just gotta make sure someone trustworthy will keep an eye on this idiot and then I’ll fade. For sure this time.”

The cook sighs, “I assume you are making me take care of him then?”

“Don’t act like you weren’t going to anyway. I just need you to confirm it for me.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to wait for him to wake up? Say your last goodbyes and all that?”

The gloomy silence hangs on the hair until she speaks again, “I’ve had more than enough time to see Zoro. Far longer than I would’ve had even if I had lived. It’s your turn now. And I don’t want to watch you two being gross anyway. I’ve had enough of that already no thanks to you.”

“I can’t promise to keep him from getting lost because that’s a hopeless case already, but I will make sure to always bring him back… Goodbye swordsman above the greatest swordsman.”

Her laughter is the last thing he hears before he is gently tugged away again.

When Zoro finally wakes from his slumber, Sanji is still sleeping by his bedside, Zoro’s swords held gently in his precious hands. His sunken eyes and messy hair are enough to tell Zoro that the cook hasn’t been sleeping. Even so, the cook looks beautiful in the afternoon light.

Zoro thinks back to the two people talking in his dream. About the girl who told him to move on, who, in retrospect, was clearly Kuina. About how he’s already found a new purpose. He holds the cooks hand tighter.

#this is a silly au idea that I thought would be fun #i think Kuina and Sanji would have a funny dynamic #i hope I didn’t make her too ooc #also it’s not in this but she spends so much time forcing them into awkward situatons #she wants them to get it over with already #not beta read because I’m tired #one piece #zosan #sanji #roronoa zoro #vinsmoke sanji #black leg sanji #my wrtitng #homegrown worms

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rustbeltjessie · 9 months

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I’ve known I’m bi for like, three years now, and I’m out to some people, but not all. Not Amelia and Ashley, for instance. It’s not that I’ve been hiding it, it’s just… They’ve known each other since early childhood, whereas they’ve only known me for five years. They’re a couple years older than I am, and they treat me…not like I’m a baby, but like a kid sister. and I haven’t tried very hard to correct that. There’s a lot of stuff they don’t know about me. I’ve mentioned some of my crushes—on boys—to them, but only in passing. We don’t even have much in common. They’re kind of hippies. I’ve long been the alterna-teen of the trio, and in the past year I’ve started to lean more towards the punk rock end of that. You know: hair dyed funny colors, combat boots and studded jewelry, patches sewn on all my hooded sweatshirts. And they were a bit freaked out by my transformation. Especially Amelia, who said: “I’m afraid you’re gonna get all angry and mean, now.” To which I replied: “I’ve been angry. For years! But I’ve never been mean, have I?” We’re friends of proximity. We live within walking distance of each other’s houses. We like to go down to Lake Michigan, get stoned; climb around on the rocks, try not to fall in, stay clear of the poison ivy and the wild critters, watch the moon rise. Then we go back to Amelia’s house because usually her mom’s not home, and we get more stoned; cook a frozen pizza, try not to set the kitchen on fire like we did that one time; watch a dumb movie. But now I’m gonna have to come out to them. I mean I guess I don’t have to, but it seems preferable to the other option of continuing to let Ashley make wild speculations about me.

When I manage to stop laughing long enough to catch my breath, I tell Amelia: “Fine, fine. Okay. Ashley’s half-right. I’m bi.” (Six months or so later, when Chasing Amy is finally out on VHS and I rent it from Blockbuster, I wish I’d seen it sooner. Then, instead of saying: “I’m bi,” I could’ve said: “I’m an experimental girl, for Christ’s sake!”) Thank god, Amelia doesn’t say anything like: “Ugh, gross, you’re not gonna hit on me, are you?!” She only says: “Oh, that’s cool.” And then we move on to talking about other stuff. I know she’ll tell Ashley next time they talk, and hopefully now Ashley will stop diagnosing me with various sexualities and -phobias.

—Jessie Lynn McMains, from “A Map from Point A to Point B” (Hello America Lit, August 2023)

#jessie lynn mcmains #writers on tumblr #prose #memoir #bisexuality #my misspent youth #drugs #friendship #chasing amy #hello america #rust belt jessie #my writing #this is one of the pieces that’s gonna be in rc 27!#(i’ll be posting more about that a couple posts after this)

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formulax · 8 months

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a call, where nothing in particular is really resolved: a first person present tense venture into sibling dynamics

I come to the realization, after a few rounds of ringing, that I am calling my sister. I come to the realization also that it was somehow an automatic response to look for her number in my phone, out of everyone else I could have possibly called. Why not call Claire? It is something I don’t immediately understand—and then I realize, I know Claire can’t help me here. Only Jenny Monroe can help me here, which is a sentence I did not expect to think to myself anytime soon.

It takes a moment for Jenny to pick up the phone. It’s nearing ten o’clock at night, and I don’t know how late she stays up. So I lean forward, bounce my leg, and wait.

“Chris, is everything okay?” She picks up. Her voice is tired, but forming a nervous tone that seems to wake her up just enough. “Is something wrong? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s—don’t worry. Don’t freak out,” I say. The words stumble ungracefully from my mouth. “I’m just... calling.”

There is a pause. “Why?”

“I’m alone in the... I don’t know. Lauren’s out with friends. I don’t know.” It’s hard to vocalize what I want; I hardly even know what I want.

I hear a sigh, and then some rustling. “Okay. I’ll go to the living room. Kevin’s out like a light,” she says. She doesn’t seem irritated, but it’s hard for me to tell.

“Did I wake you up?” I ask, pulling at a stray thread on my pajama bottoms.

“No, I wasn’t sleeping yet. Mom sent a text about me hosting the next party.” Here, her voice drops. I huff, intentionally audible, and roll my eyes. Jenny clicks her tongue in disapproval. “Don’t do that, Chris. I know we’re not letting them boss us around, but mom has arthritis, she can’t cook and host like she used to. I still want to be nice.”

“You hate cooking,” I remind her, my eyebrows raised. I lean back on the couch, put my feet up on the coffee table. “You always start yelling at people when you cook.”

“Kevin tells me that every time too. Am I really that bad?”

“And you get a little insane when you host.”

“What—what does that mean?”

I find a memory immediately, and pull it forward. I have been sitting on it for a while, as one of my best Jenny stories. “I remember once, you shoved a drink into my hand and told me to have fun or else you’d fucking kill me.”

“I don’t... remember that.”

I grin, and laugh. “You probably blacked out,” I joke. Jenny doesn’t laugh, and we sit in silence for a few seconds. My smile fades. “Jen? Should I not have brought it up?”

“Oh, no, I—I just—I’m sorry I said that,” she mutters. I get the sense that she is not ready to joke about herself, not totally. I’m not sure I’d be ready to joke about myself, either. I scramble for my next words.

“Look—do what you want, but don’t let mom guilt trip you into doing something that will make you upset. Marnie can host the party. Or Sam. I could go on,” I tell her, recalling our similar-aged cousins.

“Have you seen the newest pictures of Marnie’s twins? I can’t believe they’re six now! I’ll—I’ll email them to you.” Jenny swerves the conversation, and for a moment I consider bringing it back. But I see no reason to keep pushing, and so, I let it go.

“I would love to see the newest JCPenney photoshoot pictures of cousin Marnie’s twins. I love seeing the annoyed looks on their little six year old faces, in their corny little coordinated outfits. It’s adorable,” I drone, smiling again. This time, Jenny lets out a chuckle.

“Shut up. They’re cute kids.”

“Right, right.” I shift again, to lay down on the couch. I stare at the ceiling, and start to notice my eyes drifting to one side. I grunt. “Shit.”

“What?”

I take off my glasses, and close my eyes as the full tilting effect hits me. “Vertigo, I moved too fast,” I groan, kicking my foot in defeat.

“Shit.” I can sense Jenny’s urge to speak through the phone. Just as I open my mouth to let her, she gives in. “Have you still not figured out anything that works for you? I thought Claire was supposed to—”

“Hey, hey, Jen. I’m fine. I’m getting better. She’s hooked me up with a type of physical therapy, and I think it’s helping. I...” I hesitate, not sure if I want to admit this quite yet. I sigh. “I might start thinking about driving soon.”

I get the reaction I just about expected. “What? Really? Are you sure? I mean—you haven’t driven in—and your vertigo, it’s—are you sure?” I can picture her biting her nails and frowning. I can also picture, of course, the same carnage she is picturing.

“I’m just thinking about thinking about it, don’t get too nervous, okay? I’d need to do lessons and tests, et cetera,” I try to reassure her. She pauses to think.

“...Okay.” I smile. She has changed a lot. “But I know you hate driving. You always hated driving.”

“No,” I correct her, “I hated driving with dad.”

“God, right.” Jenny huffs. “Why is it that our conversations always find their way back to our parents? We’ve got to have more in common than the people who raised us. At some point, passing these stories back and forth doesn't make me feel better anymore. Just worse. I don’t know about you.” Jenny speaks here with a determined anger, pronouncing words with harsh snaps. But then, she lets out a breath, and she softens. “Chris, why did you call me? Just for this?”

I open my eyes. The vertigo has passed. “I told you, I don’t really know. I just called. I’m waiting for Lauren to get home,” I say, frowning. But there is something more, I know it. I am reaching for something. For what? I grind my teeth as I try to search for it.

“Is it about Lauren? Are you nervous about her? Where is she?” Jenny’s questions are monotone, methodical, but she is asking them too quickly, and I can tell she’s unnerved.

“I... she’s driving around with friends. I want—I want her to come home. I want her to be home,” I say, laying a hand over my chest. My breaths grow shallow, and my eyes water. And suddenly, I have found the thing I was looking for, the missing emotion, the cause of my unrest. “Do you ever get that?”

“Oh.” Jenny pauses to sigh; it’s a heavy, burdened sigh. “Oh, Christopher, of course I get that. Do you know how hard it is not to call her, every hour, every day? She used to be just a room away.”

I inhale and wipe my eyes, before I let myself get any worse. “She’s having fun, I—I can’t just make her come back,” I reason, pausing for a response, for instructions. Jenny hums.

“No, you shouldn’t.”

“But when she’s not here, when I can’t see her, it feels like the end of the world!” Despite my vertigo, I have a sudden urge to stand; I obey it, and begin to pace and wave my free hand. “I’ve been trying to distract myself since she left, and I just—I can’t! I’m alone, in this house, and I can’t do anything but sit and wait, and drive myself insane, because when she’s not with me she’s not... with me!”

“Okay, Chris,” Jenny slows her voice into something calm and motherly, “you’re going to be okay. Both of you are going to be okay.”

“Jenny, don’t—” I laugh anxiously and bring a hand to my face, “don’t therapy me. Please. I am perfectly aware that I’m being irrational.”

“Well—” Jenny is trying hard, I can tell, not to get frustrated. “Well, Christopher, I’m not sure what else you want me to say, I mean...”

“You don’t need to fix it,” I shout, anxiety stirring my heart. I am aware on some level how ungraceful I’m acting, but the stress is pulling my filters down, and the regret comes after. I pinch the bridge of my nose and curse. “Sorry. Maybe I should hang up.”

“No—Chris, it’s fine. We can keep talking. You can keep talking.”

It’s an offer I didn’t expect from her, and for a few moments I can only be stunned. Every day, I find myself surprised by the human capacity for change. It’s a corny thought, but a true one nonetheless. And so, I say something cornier. Something that surprises me, about myself.

“I love you,” I say, and then I slump back onto the couch. I get nervous, embarrassed; I don’t want to let it hang for too long, don’t want to turn it into something significant, so I keep talking. My face is hot. The words spill out. “I feel so selfish, I feel like a bad parent, when I get like this. And I’ve been getting like this a lot since she’s gone back to school, it’s—it’s not even that I’m overly afraid of her getting hurt, or in some kind of trouble, I just... want to see her, I want to be in the same room with her, I want to know that she’s there and I don’t ever want her to leave and it makes me feel sick because I don’t want to be mom and dad, I don’t want to hover and suffocate and—and be so obsessed like they were but god, Jennifer, my chest feels so tight and I can’t breathe sometimes and I was away for so long and I have this need, this unrelenting, terrible need to be as close as possible or else I’ll fucking explode! God... dammit!”

I slump forward and drag a hand down my face as I pause to breathe. The other line is silent, for a few more seconds, but I don’t pay any mind to her silence. I let myself cry.

And then: “You’re not mom and dad.” It’s a quiet, hesitant statement, but Jenny’s tone rises easily. “You told me not to fix it, but you’re just not... mom and dad. And I’m only saying it because you’re being fucking stupid. And I love you, too.”

My body tenses, and something bubbles up to my throat, and then I let out a horrid, sudden cackle. I double over, hanging my head, and I laugh.

“Hey!” she snaps at me. “What’s so funny about that? What’s wrong with you?”

“I don’t—” I stomp my foot and cover my mouth. “I don’t know!”

“Stop fucking laughing you asshole—” She begins to giggle. “I’m being nice to you!”

“I know!” I force out some breaths. “It just feels so weird! Why am I calling you?”

“I don’t know, why did you call me?”

“Because you’re my sister, and—” I snort, “and I love you!”

Both of us burst into another round of violent laughter. My side begins to hurt, and I return to a sprawled out position on the couch. As I laugh, the bottled nervous energy drains from me, finding a new home as sound waves from my now-hoarse voice, bouncing around the dimly lit living room.

“Chris—Chris,” Jenny manages, finally. “Again, we’re back to goddamn mom and dad.”

I realize she’s right, and I scoff. “They haunt the dark recesses of our minds, Jen, of course we’re back to mom and dad,” I say, voice flat. I kick my feet up on the couch’s armrest.

“Well, I’m just saying, as someone who ended up parenting too much like them, I know what you’re saying. I think. In a way, but...”

“Alright. Am I fucked up?”

“Oh thoroughly.”

I smile. “Thanks, Jen.”

“For—for what?”

“I don’t know,” I admit, settling further into the couch. There’s a warmth in my chest, a cheesy fuzziness that makes me chuckle to myself again. The phone is quiet against my ear. I can tell she’s smiling too.

“I just want you to know, that this whole call is fucking disgusting.”

“Oh, it’s so gross.” I mock-gag. “Ew, feelings, let’s talk about cousin Marnie and her twins again in their little matching six year old outfits.”

“And her useless fucking husband,” Jenny spits, “that never lifts a fucking finger.”

I gasp and sit up. “Wait—what? Scott? I thought we liked Scott!”

“We do not fucking like Scott.”

“What happened, he was doing so good!”

“Weaponized. Incompetence.”

“Elaborate.”

#the door #my writing #my ocs

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cobalt-knave · 2 years

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Cursing In Writing

Alright, buckle up, butercups. It’s time for me to write some analysis that’s been kicking around my head for a while!

Let’s talk about cursing. Specifically, curse words in English (America, especially). Now, my personal opinion is that the way curse words work is ridiculous.Why are they censored? Why can adults not speak them in front of children and children in front of adults? Why does cursing mark a work on Itunes “Explicit” while sexual horror doesn’t? I don’t know. I don’t really get it. They’re just words. Words that are barely used for specific meaning so much as modifiers.

Which is interesting! I don’t want to go too far down the rabbit hole of ‘curse words vs society’. But what happens as a result of this in writing is: you either omit curse words entirely, have a max of one or two per work, or use them throughout to achieve different effects -- limiting or expanding an audience on Itunes, establishing tone or character, seeming ‘edgy’ (I’m gonna come back to this), etc.

Cursing in writing is neither good or bad. Like I said, they’re just words.

I wanted to bring up some examples of wonderful uses of cursing in writing and an example where it is used as a crutch.

Tonally, cursing tends to be used more in media that is darker, edgier (not the same as darker!), or more casual. We don’t associate cursing with high brow writing, which is exactly why using it in certain writing styles can perfectly create emphasis, break tension, or establish tone!

First, I want to (in an on-brand move) bring up Archivistbot. The bot has been known to write some beautiful prose --

“You know, for all the hubris of it all. The obsession, the pride, even the self-importance of it all. To look another living thing in the eye and tell it that they are “good enough” in the bloodied ruins of the world. Tell it that it matters to you in the sharp, shattered corners of the universe. Tell it that you are always thinking of it. Tell it how clever and beautiful and funny and decent it is. That all hope is a good thing, and all hope is realized, stretched thin like a wire between two towers like a man with a jet pack.

How fucking arrogant. And how completely right.

I think we’re both going to figure it out. Both of us.” -- Archivistbot “Is the world always going to be like this?”

“BOWER: I know who I am.

BEE: Do you like her?

BOWER: She serves me.

BEE: What a heroic self! What a fuck yeah! Sure it is the dream horizon, of being fodder-aerospace and higher railroads—floating to the sun of self enough to cook honest empathy! Here! Take my polished shoes! Take my television commercial self! Welcome to Earth-hero! Fine, baby, you look swell! Good things coming. Finally alive after twenty years and watches you so grate?” -- Archivistbot “BEE”

Here, we see cursing breaking and emphasizing tension. It points back and gives the middle finger to grand ideas. Life, being a person and living with other people is beautiful, but it’s also fucking arrogant. It’s ridiculous. It’s both high brow and casual. Long prose and short lines. Bower’s sense of duty is so noble, isn’t it? What a fuck yeah! It’s not grand, it’s just another action, another choice. The cursing here makes you look at the point in a different light, critiquing it in a much better way than a direct response.

Next, I want to pull from the excellent novella “Mullberry Down!!” by Nicole Kornher-Stace.

“Hypothesis: you have some kind of mental illness. Certainly that’s the explanation pretty much universally handed to you in stories, which makes it more or less the only one you’ve seen. Being consecrated to an Elsewhere, especially at an age decidedly beyond childhood as you are, is seen as a deficit, an aberration, a symptom to throw pills at. Rather than the white-hot unspeakable gift that it is, which sears you, which you will die holding, melded by its own heat to your hands.

Pro: in the movies, they’re always so happy to be cured.

Con: you don’t live in a fucking movie.”

“Mullberry Down!!” is written specifically as a response to portal fantasy (Narnia, Wizard of Oz, Alice in Wonderland, Peter Pan, etc), stories that are generally for younger audiences, which omit cursing, and point at grand ideas of growing up and growing away from the fantasy. The shift in diction indicates a shift from juvenile literature to adult literature. It says, “This is not the portal fantasy that the child wakes up from and grows after.” This excerpt specifically points that out with the short, angry line “you don’t live in a fucking movie.”.

I remember asking a classmate once, what they thought about cursing as a concept. They said that cursing is a way to indicate strong emotion without having to change the specifics of what they’re saying. “You don’t live in a movie” could be written as melancholy or neutrally stating objective facts or relief. But the use of “fucking” as a modifier makes it angry, insulted, yelling at the world for not being the fiction it feels like to the main character. And it preserves it as a short, curt line in contrast to the beautiful rolling prose of the bulk of the novella.

The main character spends so much of their time so frustrated with the world they live it, that it is not the world that feels real to them in dreams (the portal part of the portal fantasy). Frustrated that they have had to grow up and ‘pretend to be a person’ for so long rather than living the life that is theirs.

Now, I said that cursing a lot promotes a dark tone, but that is not always true, as seen by the above examples. It can work with many tones. I am not going to go in depth with any darker tone medias, but an example would be episodes of TMA with more heavy subject matter cursing more (think Martin’s shit shit shit shit shit shit) to limit the audience by getting marked “Explicit” on Itunes. There’s also plenty of gritty stuff that curses a lot to go with the grittiness of the environment, but I don’t have any examples off the top of my head right now.

For an example of option 2 (max one or two curses in a work), let’s look at Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

Buffy is known for having excellent dialogue, quick, funny, and witty. It also is from broadcast TV and can’t curse much. So, let’s look at a fun example of when they did curse in the show!

The first two examples to pop to mind are from the same character: Vampire Willow in “Dopplegangland”. This is a version of Willow from an alternate universe where she was turned into a vampire, one of the best in the Hellmouth.

“Evil Willow: (stalks grimly around the counter) You don't wanna play, I guess I can't force you.

(Willow reaches under the counter for what she originally came for and pulls out the dart rifle just as Evil Willow comes through the door to behind the counter.)

Evil Willow: Oh, wait. I can.

(Willow frantically aims and fires. The dart hits Evil Willow dead center of her chest. Stunned, she looks down at the protruding dart, staggers and starts to fall.)

Evil Willow: (moans) Bitch...

(She hits the floor. Willow stares in fearful amazement at her other fallen self. Cut to later. Angel and Xander drag Evil Willow by the arms into the book cage.)

Giles: (dumbfounded) It's extraordinary.

Willow: (appalled) It's horrible! That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil and... skanky. And I think I'm kinda gay.

Buffy: Willow, just remember, a vampire's personality has nothing to do with the person it was.

Angel: Well, actually.” --”Dopplegangland” Transcript

and then at the end of the episode, Vampire Willow is sent back to her world, only to be immediately killed, mouthing “Oh, fuck.” as she dies.

Vampire Willow is a reflection of Willow. She is everything Willow isn’t for the first half of the show: completely confident, sexual (and understanding of her queerness!), not wasting words, operating fully for her own self interest. In a phrase, evil and skanky and kinda gay.

So, it is absolutely perfect for a dark reflection of what Willow could be to curse! Of all the characters, Willow ‘seems the least likely to curse’ (but obviously none of the characters really curse at all as mentioned previously). She’s so sweet and wholesome and anxious! How could such a precious thing ever curse? (Yes, I find that whole thing annoying, but I digress).

Willow never becomes Vampire Willow. But, in the end of season 6, she lets go. She lets loose. SHE becomes the big bad. And she specifically uses phrases that Vampire WIllow used. A dark reflection is still, after all, a reflection.

But that’s all grand character stuff. What about in the moment? Well, in the moment, it’s funny. It’s the big bad creeping up on poor, defenseless Willow to turn her into a vampire only to be shot in the chest by a tranq gun. It undercuts the drama, stops the fight before it can start. It’s great!

ALRIGHT. Time for the bad example. One of the worst scripts I have ever had the displeasure of reading, Alice In Slasherland by Qui Nguyen.

Now, I cannot speak for everyone. I know people who love every play Nguyen writes and who adored Alice In Slasherland. I think it was a fun show to see, but all the parts that worked were thanks to the production (costumes, music, choreography, acting) in SPITE of the script. There are many, many levels to the poor writing and structure in this play, but I will focus on the cursing as an example.

There is a lot of cursing in this show. A lot to the point where any meaning is stripped from the words (something you never want in writing - to make words meaningless). There is cursing in almost every line. I think that this, along with all the fight scenes and ‘shlocky horror’ of the show are present as way to make a point. They say, “This is not the high brow, high art you think of as theater”. Which is great! You can make a point in your show and how you do it, but your whole show cannot be making a point; you’re left with no show in the end.

To use an example of how over-use of curse words takes away meaning, look at this exchange:

“ALICE. Why don’t you like me?

MARGARET. What?

ALICE. Why don’t you like me?

MARGARET. Cause you’re a fucking bitch.

ALICE. How am I a bitch?

MARGARET. It’s not really a certain action or quality, it’s really the whole persona. You emanate bitch.

ALICE. I think it’s jealousy.

MARGARET. No, I think it’s your fucking face, that’s what I think it is.“ --Alice In Slasherland, Act 2 Scene 1.

(Setting aside the fact that the conflict between Alice and Margaret seems to be entirely based on the fact they are both women and therefore can’t like each other.) This exchange could have been a really good use of cursing in the show. It examines the word “bitch” and how it describes without describing anything specific. It’s the opposite of a term of endearment. It’s “I can’t articulate what I don’t like about you right now, but I can articulate the fact that I don’t like you.” It’s a useful and specific word. However. That meaning only comes into play if the word is not in every other sentence in the show. This blends into the background completely! Nothing can be memorable, no special meaning can be gleaned from word choice because the same three words are used on repeat constantly!

And, not for nothing, there is no deeper meaning. These characters were written to have nothing behind the eyes, and their bland dialogue reflects that. This conflict is just there to be a conflict, not because there was any substance behind it.

Cursing is used as a crutch here in two ways: 1. It fills up the dialogue. 2. It reminds you how edgy the show is.

I truly believe that, if you cut the curse words (remember, that is three words plus different variations), the show would be at most two thirds the length it is now. If your work cannot survive the cutting of three words, you need to edit it. Think about those words and their meaning or potential meaning, rather than only thinking about what they can do tonally.

And tonally, the show reminds you constantly how edgy it is. Here, I am talking about mundane curse words (mostly “fuck”, “bitch”, and “shit”), but this show also uses slurs. At the risk of getting too far off topic, this show acts very much like it’s speaking from the perspective of queer characters while very carefully excluding any queer characters from the show. Alice (who is only ever seen as being interested in men) is called a dyke several times. The WLW kiss is done when a male character is possessing one of the women.

By cursing and using slurs and having bloody battles and sexy scenes, the show is shouting in your face “Look! I’m not P.C! I’m edgy! I’m not like those other high brow theater productions! Think about what you think of theater vs what it is.”

And, again, it’s great to make that point, but if your show is just making a point with no content beyond that, there isn’t a show.

I also want to note again that it’s not that there is nothing good about Alice In Slasherland. It’s a good opportunity for fight choreographers to have fun, if nothing else.

Finally, I want to touch on ‘puttering around’.

Sometimes, you have writers who want characters to curse but don’t want cursing in their story. And I hate to break it to you, but you just have to make a descision because there is no benefit to sitting on the fence.

Just saying “He cursed” all the time (once in a while or to indicate other languages, etc is totally fine) is like saying “He said words communicating [this]”. In moderation, it’s fine, but at certain point, you’re not writing dialogue.

Now, there are some fun ways to get around this, but you have to commit to the bit to make it work. Two examples I like are Firefly and Kane And Feels.

To get around censors, the writers of Firefly (a space western show) put the cursing in Chinese. While the original idea may have been to avoid censors, it became a way to expand the worldbuilding of the show. In this future space setting, a lot of Chinese cultural elements spread with the population.(Now, whether that was handled well is for a separate essay to be written by someone who knows more than me.) What’s important here is that it is not cursing for cursing’s sake, but a way to expand the show and always return to the content.

In Kane And Feels, instead of cursing, the two main characters say “Ah beans!” Which is hilarious and builds on them as characters. It’s cute. I like it.

There is also a time and place for bleeping. King Falls AM bleeps cursing (with the reason being that they are on the radio and an in-canon character is always pressing the button). The bleep button is an actual presence, and it can break! The act of bleeping becomes a character beat for Ben, and the lack of bleeping later on in the show reflects the shift in tone from light-hearted comedy to deeper drama with more serious elements and horror elements.

I’d also like to quote someone from a discord I’m in with “Bleeping is sometimes funnier” because it leaves the, perhaps long and ridiculous, cursing up to the imagination.

Conclusions:

Cursing has a lot of potential in writing. It can contribute to or break tone. It can break tension. It can be specific while being general. It can be incredibly versatile. It can promote contrast and character moments and worldbuilding. But you have to treat it as words. Word choice is always important even if the word is “bitch”.

Cursing does not and never has equaled “bad writing”. But it is a tool and should be used as such. It should always contribute to the overall content, just as any word choice would. Sometimes, a sentence is better off without curse words, and other times, they can be really fucking necessary or contribute in a beautiful way.

#analysis #long post #archivisbot #abot #abot ocs #cursing #mullberry down!!#buffy #btvs #kane and feels #firefly #alice in slasherland #king falls am #writing #meta

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nicolewoo · 2 years

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Cub Part 8

Pairing: Roman Reigns X Reader

Synopsis: Roman, Seth and Dean are a pack of werewolfs. Protecting their city from the scumbags of the world ends up with a surprise when a victim left for dead imprints on Roman Reigns.

Part 8

The cabin, which I now realized was more like a mansion, was a hive of activity. The medical team spent hours working with Dean and Seth on how to put me to sleep for the transition. The people who had volunteered for food duty were constantly busy shopping, cooking and feeding not only me but everyone who had gathered. The child care group was outside with the kids keeping them busy and out of trouble.

Once Roman and Dean left to pick up my things, I found a chair on the front porch and sat flipping through social media on the phone my pack had picked up for me and watched the kids at play in front of the house.

I got so into the fan fic I was reading that I didn’t notice the twin boys who had approached me. “Who are you?”

I looked up to see them. They were positively adorable. Maybe 5 or 6 years old. Golden caramel skin and thick curly black hair. Both of them were covered with mud and grass.

“I’m Y/N,” I answered. “What are your names?”

The same boy answered, “I’m Timmy and this is Trever. We’re twins.” He seemed so proud of being a twin.

“You are!” I said in an impressed tone.

Naomi, who I’d met earlier, came running up to the porch. “I’m so sorry. They ain’t supposed to bug you.”

I smiled up at her, “They’re not bugging me. We were just getting to know each other.”

“Why are you here?” Trever finally spoke.

Naomi and I traded looks. We didn’t know what to tell them. “I think…. I think maybe you should let your mom tell you.” Naomi smiled as a thanks.

“Go play with your cousins.” Naomi tapped their backs and sent them back out to the others before sitting in a chair next to me.

“What are you going to tell them?” I asked.

Naomi shook her head while she thought. “I don’t know. You got any ideas?”

I leaned forward as I thought. My eyes naturally wandered to the kids, all playing in a field. They were having a blast. When Timmy and Trever returned, I saw the other kids asking them questions. “Maybe we should tell them all at the same time.” I suggested pointing to all of the kids who had gathered around the twins for news.

Naomi nodded. “Yeah. When Ro and Dean get back.” She turned to me. “Hey. How are you doing?” She took my hand reassuringly. “You ok?”

I squeezed her hand, “Honestly?” She nodded. “I’m scared shitless.”

She squeezed back, “I understand, but you got nothing to worry about. Dean is gonna make sure you sleep through the whole thing.”

I questioned if I should say this, but Naomi was so warm and welcoming. “It’s not just the pain. I’m….. I’m scared to be linked to my pack.” I admitted.

Naomi looked confused. “Why? It’s such an awesome thing.”

“I just….” I paused. Would she even understand this? She grew up a wolf. “What if they don’t like me?”

Naomi smiled big, “Oh girl! No need to worry about that! Your pack adores you. I can tell already.”

“And will it bother me? Having 3 other people in my head? I mean…… like… sometimes I need quiet. I’m scared I won’t get that. What happens if someone pisses me off and I think a bad thought? What if I have a mood swing and…..”

Naomi wrapped an arm around me “And you’re human? We all have those thoughts and insecurities. When I get like that, my pack helps calm me down. They work with you to help you through those types of things.”

“I’ve never been….” I paused as I realized I was pouring my emotions out to someone who was basically a stranger to me.

“Never been what?” She quirked an eyebrow at me.

“Never been….. good enough…. For anyone. Nobody has ever accepted me for who I am. What if they don’t like me? Accept me? I mean……” I trailed off as I wiped away tears.

Naomi squeezed her arm around me in a half-hug. “You are so SWEET! Trust me, you’re going to be accepted. You are already accepted.”

“But you’re not IN my head to hear my thoughts.”

She smiled at me. “I don’t need to be. Your tribe loves you already, and your pack is crazy about you. Trust me, you’re going to be accepted.”

A sudden wave of anger rolled over me, but it wasn’t from me.

Less than a minute later, Seth made a beeline toward me. “Cub?” he called on the way.

I answered, “I know. I feel it.”

Sika came from inside the house. “What’s happening?”

“Roman is pissed.” I answered. “I don’t know why.”

Seth, now on the porch, asked me, “Is there anything in your apartment that would piss him off? Drugs? Something like that?”

I shook my head, “No. I can’t think of anything.”

Seth nodded his acknowledgment. “OK.” He answered as he pulled out his phone and called Roman. “What’s going on?” He asked. I waited with baited breath as he listened to Roman. After a few seconds, Seth grabbed my hand and pulled the phone away long enough to look at me and say, “You’re fine.”

I breathed a sigh of relief, and Seth got off the phone.

Sika spoke up now, “How did you know, little wolf?”

The question threw me off. Wasn’t I supposed to be able to feel Roman’s emotions? “I felt it.” I said.

“They’re imprinted.” Fiafia said from the side of the porch.

Seth nodded. “They are.” He looked at Sika.

“That’s not possible.” Sika barked, and I saw Seth and Naomi tense up. It looked like Seth was going to argue, but he let it drop. “Little wolf? Did you see Seth coming toward you? Is that how you knew?” His tone was soft, but he was a bit angry.

“Sir,” I looked him directly in the eye to show that I wasn’t lying. “I felt it.”

He nodded his head no. “That’s not possible. A human cannot imprint on a wolf.”

I nodded reassuringly. “I know that sir. I don’t know how I felt it, but it was like a wave of anger rolled over me.”

Sika’s anger hung in the air. With a slight huff of exasperation, he went back in the house. “Don’t you worry about him, little wolf.” Fia said. “His entire life he’s heard it’s impossible. We all have, but the more I see you with Roman, the more I KNOW you’re imprinted. Sika will come around when he sees the proof.”

This was the first I’d heard about being able to prove imprinting. “It can be proven?” I asked.

Fiafia nodded slightly. “There is a ritual that can prove it.” She paused. “It involves a truth syrum… well, actually a tea. If you’re willing to drink it.”

To keep my mate out of jail? “As long as it’s safe, of course.”

“We add a bit of blue calamus flower to the tea, and the truth will come out. Sika will calm down once it’s proven. He’s just scared for his son.”

At least the imprinting could be proven, and if that was true, then Roman wasn’t going to get in trouble. Was he?

@mindofasagitarius @lclb13 @serenityfiretrash @lustyromantic @reigns-5sos @bigpsychicbagelauthor @omg-im-such-a-masochist @marlananicole @wickedsunfire @starwithaheart for the wolf fic @spookys-girl for the wolf fic @pitlissa22 for the wolf fic

#roman reigns fanfiction #roman reigns

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gardeningservicesinsantabarbara · 5 months

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5 Best Things You Can Do for Your Garden in August

Welcome back to the SB Evolution Landscaping Newsletter! There’s so much going on in the greater Santa Barbara area in August, which is super exciting. Before we get into the best events in the city this month, we’re going to talk about the best things you can do for your garden in the last bits of summer. I hope you enjoy! If you liked this newsletter, make sure you forward to a friend who might find it useful. Before we get into the good stuff, are you following us on social media? We’ll be posting something exciting in the coming days, so be sure to give us a like and follow!

5 Best Things You Can Do for Your Garden in August

August is usually the hottest month of the year, which means you need to be sure to protect yourself from the heat and sun. No garden is worth heat stroke! Embark on a delightful journey into your lush garden oasis with our premier gardening services in Santa Barbara, Goleta, and Montecito. As we cultivate the beauty of your outdoor space, we also value your well-being. Before you step into your gorgeous garden, we remind you to prioritize self-care. Hydrate, apply sunscreen, and don a sun-protection hat to make the most of your gardening experience. Our expert gardeners not only craft stunning landscapes but also encourage a holistic approach to enjoying your outdoor haven. Choose our gardening services for a blend of aesthetic excellence and a commitment to your personal well-being Here are 5 top things you can do this weekend to take care of your garden.

Make sure you harvest at the right size If you’ve got a vegetable garden, it’s important to continue to harvest your veggies at the right time. Picking them too early or too late will stress your plants and leave you with produce that isn’t ideal for cooking in the kitchen.

Fertilize the berries that are slowing down Strawberries and fruit trees usually decline in the month of August. Take the extra time to fully fertilize your fruits! Even though they’re dwindling, they’ll need an extra boost at the end of their season. That way, they can take in lost nutrients and prepare for the coming year.

Take care of the late season fruits! Melons and pumpkins are not quite ready, but the late summer and early fall is time for them to get strong and ready! Take a good look at your melons and squash, make sure they have enough space, maybe give them a fertilizing boost, and clear out any obstacles that could interrupt their growth.

Prune dead branches Whether you have fruit trees or other kinds of trees in your garden, August is a perfect time to get pruning. Cut back dead sections and clear out all those extra, crowding branches.

Call your favorite landscaper Did the summer weather treat your gardens well? Was it flourishing? Even if your garden suffered under the dry heat, SB Evolution Landscape can come to the rescue. All these tips can seem overwhelming, but we’ve got your back. Give us a call or get a quote now before the busy fall months!

Our favorite sustainable outdoor patio brands

If you’re looking to upgrade your outdoor furniture, we wanted to recommend three of our favorite brands. They are high quality, made with sustainable materials, and are honestly gorgeous. Check out these amazing companies and search their sites for your next perfect patio set! Yardbird is a carbon-responsible brand with super fast delivery. They use amazing materials and don’t use a middleman, which means you get more savings in your pocket! West Elm is a high-end home goods shop with tons of eco-conscious options. We love their high-quality materials, neutral tones, and comfortable seating arrangements. Neighbor is a company that prioritizes incredible craftsmanship, sustainability, and the value of gathering around with your loved ones. We love the gorgeous wood and soft seats from this brand.

What’s going on in Santa Barbara?

We would never let you down by forgetting to mention all the happenings in gardening services Santa Barbara we’re excited for! Here are the best events and festivals going on in August—maybe we’ll even see you there! Old Spanish Days Fiesta This might be the best event going on this month, but you’ve got to get there quick! It’s only happening until August 7, so make sure you go in the next couple of days to get the most of your time. Santa Barbara Bowl Now this one, you don’t have to rush to! There is always a great show going on in the bowl, and since it seats nearly 5,000 people in this outdoor venue, you’re sure to get a good seat. Head to their website for a full list of shows and events and grab a ticket while you can! Comedy Night at the Funk Zone This August 16, head to the Funk Zone for a full lineup of hilarious comedians at no cost! Comedy Night is a free outdoor event. It features all the best locals and comedic celebrities from across the country. You won’t want to miss this next weekend if you’re a big comedy fan!

Thanks for reading!

We hope you enjoyed this newsletter. Be sure to forward to a friend if you found something useful.

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profoundtyrantharmony · 2 years

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Title : Defending Honor

Pairing : Poly!Avengers x Reader

Words : 8130

Warning : Smut (check the kinks) and Fluff

Notes : As usual Endgame happened without forever departure. None on the movie couples exist in this fic. F/B means famous backery.

Plot : Request from @im-a-satanic-ritual : Can I ask for No. 19 that leads to 26 on your prompt list? And can I ask for No. 9, 13, 14, 22 and 30 or 29 on your kink list? For female!reader x all Avengers? I love your writing so much and anything will be amazing but I love good background to go with smut so if you could make this as long as you can? Thank you, I hope you have an awesome day!

Tag : @im-a-satanic-ritual

Masterlist // Request // Promptlist

Prompt scenario list :

n°19 : Reader defends character(s) from mental/verbal abuse

n°26 : Being worshipped by character(s)

Prompt kink list :

n°9 : Praise kink

n°13 : Group sex

n°14 : Dry humping

n°22 : Outdoor sex

n°29 : Cock warming

n°30 : Double Penetration

Working for Pepper Potts as her personal assistant as its perks. I have the pleasure of working with one of the most impressive and hardworking woman from this century, as well as meeting the Avengers on an almost daily basis -as an assistant I’m sometimes, let’s say often, needed to help them with paperwork and planning meeting and stuff- it’s a hard work but I won’t change it for anything. Each morning I wake up from my bed happy to go to work, even on harder day -when there is a mission meeting for instance- I’m glad to be of any help.

That’s because of those friendship that I’m here right now, early in the morning, outside my room -as Pepper’s assistant I got to have a staff member’s appartment in an other wing of the compound- wearing a deep blue sport bra and dark short just to run and do some training with none other than the one and only Bucky Barnes ! Don’t get me wrong I love that guy and all, he’s sweet and funny a bit on the grumbly side sometimes but it’s part of his charm. The problem is that we don’t have the same stamina or even the same training routine.

Working alongside the Avengers allows me to be on first name basis with all of them. I developped some sort of friendship with them over the course of the year I’ve been employed. First it was Thor with his overly warming attitude quickly followed by Wanda with whom I might share a hobby for cooking. Then I befriended Tony and Bruce as I was the one bringing them food and drinks because they both forget it when they’re to engrossed in their work. The next ones to fall for my friendlyness are Steve Bucky and Sam during my training -even if I’m not an Avengers I do a bit of workout to stay in shape-, the two spies Nat and Clint are close behind, my supposedly dorky and blunt attitude got me in their good grace. Finally I got to call Loki my friend, I didn’t think it would happen though, but we both love sitting in silence while reading a good literature book so it made our friendship obvious.

“Man why are you asking me to train with you ? Why not Steve or even Sam ?!” I ask him already tired in advance.

“Steve went on a mission early this morning and I don’t want to work out with birdbrain.” Answers Bucky calmly.

“I swear to god the both of you are like a married couple that can’t stand the sight of the other !” I laugh.

“Stop laughing at me and focus on the training, today we’re going to run to improve your stamina so get ready !”

Running is not my favorite thing to do I admit but with him it’s always relaxing, he even slow his own pace so I don’t feel like a failure, such a gentleman and a real pedagogue, he instantly understand how my mind works and what to do to get me focus.

We start from the compound and he then lead the way through small streets that few people use, until we arrive to bigger one. He keeps me focus, my mind goes everywhere, what am I gonna eat tonight, is it gonna be a hard day or not... I don’t see the time passe, I don’t get overly tired -which I’m proud of-, my training must have work then !

Almost an hour and a half later, we finish our run and start to walk back to the compound, we’re both sweaty so Bucky decide to take off his sweatshirt to only stay in his tank top, his metal arm visible for everyone. It’s not a problem, nor for me nor for the other Avengers...but for the public’s eyes apparently it still a bit early...or too much I don’t know. He contributes to protect and save their lives but he’s still treated as a villain, a monster devoid of a soul. I will never understand that, I will never tolerate that !

“Have you seen his arm ? And those scars ?! This is hideous !!” A mid-thirties woman whispers to her husband not knowing that she is not that discret.

“Don’t tell me about it, I don't even understand why he’s still walking free after all the wrong he did ! Guess being friend with mister Captain America can get you out of jail.” The man answers his wife with such venom in his words that I can see from the corner of my eyes Bucky bowing his head in shame and disconfort. How dare they !!

“Will you just fuck the shut up ?!!!” I don’t scream nor yell. I speak calmly, sternly with an expression that doesn’t allowed contradiction.

“Who the hell you think you are bitch ?!” Yell the woman.

“I’m the one that’s gonna make you stop pestering someone that’s never done anything wrong in his life. The wrong things you were talking about sir, it wasn’t him but the Winter Soldier ! I suggest you go do some research before speaking nonsense, right now it makes you seem like an idiot, in front of your wife what a shame for a man like you ! I stare at him in the eyes, a smirk slowly appearing on my face. As for you mam, haven’t you learn to never judge someone based on his appearance ? No ? How would you react if I do the same ? You know when we put that much make-up on our face it’s because what’s underneath is not really attractive, I mean are you deformed or what ?”

“Shut up bitch !” She yells hysterically.

“Wow ! So much repartee, I’m impressed really ! I look at Bucky who seems shocked by what hapened in front of him. I think it’s time to bid our goodbye is it Bucky ?”

“Ahem, yes it is !”

“Right let’s go then ! Oh wait, bit of advice...when you use face powder or else, don’t forget the hands and ears, or at least choose the right shade please !!” After that we all part ways hearing the woman screaming her lungs out at my insults.

Walking back in my personnal quarter, I have to go through a corridor with many meeting rooms. I check my phone to see if I have a text from Pepper telling what are going to be my tasks of the day but for now I have none, no news at all... she must be in a business meeting or doing important paperwork because usually, at this time of the day -it is now 8:30 am- I already know how my day will be filled with.

Bucky is impressed and also flattered that I would go out of my way to defend his honor this way. He didn’t think I would do that for him, he doesn’t know how to properly thank me instead of the usual words ‘thank you’. We both goes to different direction when arrive to the compound, he has to go trained the new agents and I have to go take a shower before going to work.

Crossing path with some agents, I come close to the biggest meeting room -the one for biggest reunion like the Sokovia Accords, Thanos’s snap, Tony’s snap and things like that- I’m still a bit far from it but I can hear some voices, one of them being the one and only Steve Rogers. I love him, like a lot, he’s so well mannered, so optimistic, so into people... It’s really different from the mentality of our time that it makes him adorable in a way..

Naively I thought it was someone praising him for his good deeds and the ones from the team, thanking him and them for always protecting the civilians risking their own life in the process. Such naivety !

“We need to create places where we can run tests on each individuals to determine if they are in fact with powers or not.” An elder man, almost bald, with a mustache and a bit on the chubbier side says calmly looking at Steve.

“With all due respect Senator, but you can’t force civilian or any human being to be tested to see if they have power or not ! I mean if they have power what would happen to them ?!”

“They would be taken to a hidden facility in order the see if they can be of any use of course.” He says this as if it was the most obvious thing.

“What if they’re not ?!” Asks Steve starting to get irritated.

“They’ll be gone.”

“Gone ?”

“In a blink of an eyes, just a press of a finger, just a shot and it’s done !” He sniggers.

“You can’t do that, they’re human being !”

“Listen up boy, we’re not in the 40′s anymore, we can’t expect to be saved only by the grace of the all mighty Captain America ! The world is ruthless, so we must need to be even more ruthless ! You don’t like it ?! I don’t care, as long as the majority of the people lives I’m ready to sacrifice a handful of them with no remorse ! You’re still this pathetic little boy unable to fight unless given some sort of drugs, you must grow boy, you’ll be the one leading them to the testing field, who can say no to you ?” Steve isn’t feeling that well I can see it in his eyes and in his general attitude, this man exudes negativity from each of his pores.

“You won’t !”

“I beg you pardon ?”

“You won’t do any of this !”

“What makes you say that ?”

“If you want this to be legal, you’ll have to present this ‘law’ to the Senat and it has to be voted by the majority -which will never happen-, no one with a mind of their own will let those kind of prospect see the light of day. It would imply that they themselves as well as their family will be put to the test ! It’s stupid, you all would find a way to be exempted from it -which is illegal-, and can be considered a trahison from the people toward the government itself, which will lead to your immediate expulsion from the Senat !”

“To prove this, you’ll need proof young Lady !”

“Lucky me we’re in the Avengers compound, owned by Tony Stark, and supervised by Friday his A.I which can hear and see everything and record it ! Those will be proof enough.”

“Are you theatening me ?!”

“Threatening is when you don’t or can’t act on it ! Personally I can and I will, the door is this way, you may take your leave now !”

I just get out of my well deserve shower when I hear my phone ping with a text notification. Pepper needs me in the lab, apparently Tony and Bruce are gonna be interviewed but the journalist has a reputation of puting his guest on the spotlight with all their past misdeeds or even with questions uncalled for. Not to be mean but this woman looks like a bimbo showing her assets around as if it’s gonna get her all the answers she wants. I mean what the hell girl ! Whatever, as I’m not affraid to speak my mind and that I’m no one in the public sphere so to speak, I’m basically their bodyguard without them knowing.

Once the senator is gone -furious and mumbling incoherent sentences- Steve come next to me to thank me, flabergasted by what he has been the witness of.

When I arrive the interview has already begun, I can see the both of them ill at ease. Crossed arms, furrowed brows, no need to be a telepathe to know they don’t like where this is going.

“What would you say to the people who lost someone because of you !?” Asks the journalist tactless.

“First of that we’re really sorry for your loss.” Answers Tony.

“And that we didn’t mean for this to happen, in any way, we all sympathise with you all and try to do better.” Adds Bruce.

“Wow you look like a great couple finishing the sentence of the other. She chuckles. Must be hard to be like you !”

“What do you mean ?” Asks Bruce.

“I mean even if we’re in 2022, being gay is never easy, you haven’t done your coming out yet, and being a public figure must be even more difficult for you. At least you can count on each other during bad days am I right ?” She stares at them with fake friendship it’s disgusting to see this.

“Sorry Miss but we’re not gay !” Says Tony.

“No big deal guys, you like cocks that’s all, I’m sure the people will understand.” She really is going to show that crap interview on TV, how dare she !!

“I like cocks too !” Pepper as well as the other are now looking at me shocke written on their faces. I mean it’s not like it’s in my nature to shut up when people I care about are being so brutaly mistreated !

“What did you just say ?”

“I likes cocks too, vaginas as well of course, but cocks... I could live with cocks all day long, I’m sure you’re the same. I come to sit right next to her the camera now filming me. One in each hands, one in my pussy an other in the ass or my pussy again...I let a bit of silence to gain more confusion from them as well as much more disconfort. Maybe a last one in my mouth though sucking and licking an engorged clit is like heaven on earth am I right !?” I glare at her with a mix of disdain, fake smile, and mockery.

“Y-You’re crazy ! You are ruining my interview !”

“I’m sorry I thought we were here to discuss personnal affair...do you mean you don’t want to hear about that time I almost lost my virginity to a giantess and her Goliath dildo ?! You should it’s a great story full of tolerance !”

She’s fuming now, her once pale skin is now red as a tomatoe. Pepper is smiling eyes to hears because she knew I would do something like that, now we can be sure that this interview will be deleted. Tony and Bruce, not knowing this side of me don’t know how to react properly so just smile at me in gratitude.

Finally it is lunchbreak, I’m starving to death, all this bad feeling that surround me since this morning ! It’s really bothering me and I don’t understand how they can deal with this without punching a nose or two. Anyway, I get out of Pepper’s office in order to go to eat, I think I’m gonna go with lasagna and a Paris-Brest for a dessert.

The journalist is gone and Pepper and I get back to her deskroom to work some more until lunchbreak.

Walking happily toward the cafeteria I can see both Wanda and Natasha walking in the same direction as me, they seem a bit defeated, tired maybe, from a mission I suppose. It must be difficult for them, for the both of them, even more than the other guys. They are the only two women in the group and we all know what’s being said about them by the media and other ‘bloggers’. Either they are sexualised or treated like some sort of slut. This is appalling !

Waiting in line -they’re in the same one as me- I hear some male agents, older than them and appparently full on themselves, proud and narcissistic, talking to them -if we call that talking-.

“Hello girls, we heard your mission was pretty tough, too bad we weren’t there to have your back !” Says the brunet one, slighty caressing the side of Wanda’s arm.

“It’s not our first rodeo guys, we got it covered !” Replied Wanda taking her am out of him.

“That’s right but it would have been so much funnier with the both of us, we would have end the mission earlier, the blond one gets closer to Nat’s face, too close for my liking, and we could have some fun in the quinjet, you know what I mean !”

“As flattering as it is we’re not interested !” Says Natasha assertively.

“Don’t be like that, we’re nice guys !”

“Listen, we’re hungry, tired and just want to be left alone.” Whispers Wanda.

“Stop playing hard to get, you’re all the same you want attention so you wear some tight fitting clothes that show all of your assets and then you get offended when guys tries to gently flirt with you !” Angrily stated the brunet.

“If you don’t want the attention,don’t act like you’re ready to get dick down, don’t wear revealing clothes ! You know that you want us you just have to admit it.” The both of them starts to get really handsy with them both. They can’t do anything -as it has previously been said they are both tired- and no one seem to have catch up on what’s happening in front of them. People really need to be more observant of their surrounding instead of being glued to their phone. I decide to walk by them and I squeeze both of their dong through their pants. They both scream at me to let them go, that I’m hurting them. Everyone in the cafeteria knows what I’m doing but nobody comes to their rescue.

“Oh excuse me I thought it was okay to touch you without consent ! I mean... that’s what you were doing to them both right !?”

“That’s not...”

“Yeah I know what you mean, you didn’t touch their private parts like I’m doing to you right now, but it’s the same thing, touching without consent whether it’s the arm, the small of a back or genitals is not right ! If you can’t understand this simple statement, then you’re even more stupid than you look !”

“We were just being nice !”

“And they told you they were not interested, you should have stop the conversation right this moment but you continued, you put them in a situation where they couldn’t defend themselves without risking the physical integrity of others !”

“We didn’t know...”

“Then it’s time you learn ! First lesson, excuse yourselves and go eat somewhere else.”

When the both of them get out of the cafeteria, I look at the two women with a gentle smile before going back to my line. They’re surprised by my outburst not knowing this side of me.

▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎●●●▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎

My belly is full when I go back to the office, Pepper is still working on some upcoming meeting when she asks me if I could retrieve a special orders for the Avengers. It’s from one the most famous backery of New-York, the backer and his employees wanted to thanks the Avengers for protecting them during a terrorist attack months prior.

“No problem, I shall finish what I started and then go, I’m gonna need to use one of the car to carry everything though.”

“Of course take your time, but call them before leaving, I’ll text you the number.”

“Ok thanks !”

I seat on my desk, working some more, planning future Stark’s party and all. It’s only one hour and a half later that I finally finish it, I call the baker to tell him I’ll be on my way. I exit the office and walk to the elevator where I see Sam waiting for it.

“Hey y/n/n ! How are you doing ?”

“Fine actually, I just finish working, now I have to go retrieve a present for you and the others !”

“Really ?! What kind of present ?”

“Cakes and pastries from f/b !”

“No way, can I come I have nothing else to do anyway ?!”

“Of course, the more the merrier.”

As I’m not alone and Sam could help me carry the cakes and pastries we both decide to go there on foot. I like Sam a lot, he’s so much fun to be around. After retrieving everything we walk back to the compound. As we’re both sharpe tongue, we make fun of each other, jockingly shoving the other. It was all fun and game until the moment he shoves me harder than intended and I trip over my feet. It could have been all, I’m not hurt, the pastries are intact...but again... Prejudices !

Two cops were patrolling down the street when they saw Sam shoving me making me almost trip. They come to us, hand on their weapons, threatening him and demanding him his ID.

“I don’t have my ID !” Says Sam a bit upset by the situation.

“Put you hands behind your head and get on your knees !”

“Are you insane ! Do you know who he is ?!”

“Please mam stay out of it ! He then stare daggers to Sam’s direction. You people are all the same, you think you can do anything without being punish. This is not your home, it’s ours ! If it was up to me I would put you all in a boat direction Africa where you belong !” All this time Sam listens to what this man throw his way without retaliating, it’s probably not his first time...

“Is it done Sir !? We have some deliveries for the Avengers, you know the protector of planet Earth, the ones that allows you to breath !”

“Yeah get going mam, wouldn’t want to make them wait !” He smiles at me oblivious.

“Aren’t there a black man on the team, not Black Panther, not James Rhodes...let me think...”

“The falcon ?” He asks.

“Yes ! The falcon, Sam Wilson, what a great man, worked in the army, helps his family, works with the Avengers and risking his life for people that doesn’t always deserve his help. You know why he does it ? Because he’s a good man contrary to you that judge a man based on his skin color. Don’t you feel ashame of yourself ?!” I speak my mind without getting angry, it’s pointless with people like him, better let them understand their own stupidity by exposing facts.

“...”

“You have nothing to say ? We have nothing to add ! Think about how you acted today and be a better person from now on.”

The walk to the compound is way more silent and less joyfull than the previous one. Sam is inside his head not talking -he thanks me of course-not making any jokes, nothing. It’s time this day comes to an end because it exhausted me beyond reason.

It is the day after all the event, I hope today will be better, I don’t want to see more bullying toward them. They’re all so nice, well-mannered, kind hearted and so much more, I can’t understand how people from different background can have the same poor education. I might not be the best to talk about this as I’m close with each of them, the fact that I’m not fangirling over them is quite resting for them. Moreover we all have this kind of flirty relationship from time to time, we never spoke about it though.

Today I start working late than usual so I decide to go for a walk in the garden near the compound. Further away I see Clint sitting alone on a bench, I decide to join him as it’s a bit unusual. I’m about to joyfully saying ‘Hi’ when I see his eyes red and puffy from crying. I come sit next to him, side hugging him to confort him a little before asking him what happened.

“Laura...my ex wife, she got sole custody of our childs !”

“I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you, I know how much you love your kids !”

“It’s not the worst part, I ask her, I beg her to let me have them during their holidays but she refuses as well as the judge !” He starts to cry fully desperate.

“Why did she do that ?! And the judge ?! You’re an Avengers not a criminal !” I’m getting madder and madder hearing this nonsense.

“Let’s just say that this judge isn’t one of our biggest fan and I should be thankful he doesn’t fill a restraining order against me ! According to him I’m too dangerous and our work puts my family in danger so this isn’t safe ! I’m not stupid I know that, that’s why we had the farm, but since the divorce it’s like Laura has forgotten all the good memories we had together as a family...”

“This is so unfair Clint, I can make some calls, preventing her from leaving the country foor instance, letting you have them during the summer holidays at least, planning when you’ll have them and when Laura would. I don’t know, trying to find a solution so that each parties are equal, what do you say ?”

“I don’t know what to say, you don’t have to...”

“I know, but I want to help you, I care about you, you know that right ?”

“You’re doing so much for all of us y/n/n...”

I give him a hug before getting up to both go to work. As soon as I’m in my office I make some phone calls to a good friend of mine working for a prestigious lawyer company. I explain him everything and he gets me in contact with one of his colleagues who is a specialist in this area. If all goes well -and it will- everything should be settle before the end of the day.

Press conference...I hate it ! All these journalists, these civilians being hypocrite, asking awful questions, having no regards for privacy and being mean for no reasons. Today the press conference will be about the Asgardian’s integration on earth with Loki and Thor as spokesmen.

I worked on this for months now, I know that some people -a lot of them- are against this integration because it would be the end of humanity, of the purity of the race... Classic arguments right -this is sarcastic obviously- ! Some people prefers if Loki wasn’t on earth -based on the 2012 incident- even if he redeemed himself with the Avengers and the population of earth. Some people are just too stubborn to understand, too intolerant or too stupid I don’t know !

I knew it would happen, I was prepared, I knew each one of the journalist, their past, their wrong deeds, if they try anything I will unleash all this knowledge and get their lives a leaving hell. As for the civilians I’ve got arguments, valid ones, with proof, and if it’s not working then...making them look stupid in front of everyone would solve this all.

“Are you ready boys !”

“Yes Lady y/n, we are.” Answers Thor.

“Are you sure this is a good idea, me in front of them ?”

“All I know is that they need to see you in an unthreatening environnment, don’t worry I’ve got your back !” The both of them genuinely smile at me.

The press conference starts, I explain to everybody why the Asgardians as to take refuge to our planet, how many people they are. It takes a good two hours to get to everything in detail for them all to understand how important this is for them and for us. Most of them are silent, agreeing with what I just said, some even smile at us, making us understand they are not resentful. Unfortunately the other part, the noisier, disagree with all of it.

“How can you ask us to let them leave on earth after all the wrong they have done ?!” Yells a man.

“He’s right, they’re not human, we don’t want them here !” Adds an other one.

“You want us to live with those monsters ! And this one here, Loki, what’s telling us he won’t be mad again and I don’t know kidnapped our children, our daughter to experiment on them, breed them to create hybrids between alien and human !” Clearly this one lady has watched too many alien movies and is into conspiracy theory. The problem is that she’s not the only one, and cruder comments starts to be added.

“She’s right you would rape our daughters, our wives, mothers and sisters if you’re not put in jail ! And you’re brother ? He won’t do anything to stop you because he’s exactly like you, adding an other girl each night to his track record ! You’re both disgusting !” I see the both of them are shocked by this much hatred especially Thor not used to be the target of such spitfull words.

“Listen all ! You’re here treating them like monsters as if you were all saints, you’re not, neither do I. You’re afraid of Loki being a rapist ? He’s not ! How do I know ? Because he really don’t need to force himself into anyone, men and women throws themselves at his feet because he’s sexy, if he wants to indulge then what’s wrong ?! If Thor as a new girl each night what’s the problem, she consents, he doesn’t force himself either ! They’re both handsome, they’re both gods and you’re just envious ! As for them being alien, not being from here, being different, what can I say, most of you have a problem with people of color -whereas there is no problem with it I don’t why humans can’t get that into their brain !- I couldn’t even imagine that you have none with outer space persons. It was logic and predictable... We’re not here to ask you, just to tell you how this is gonna be ! Be smarter, think before speaking nonsense, you have no idea how hard this is to be in the presence of narrow minded people !”

The press conference ends few minutes later, I was surprise the journalists took the defence of the Asgardians as well. I’m tired, ready to go in my room, I pat the both of them on their arms before taking my leave, leaving them thinking about what happened.

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The Avengers find themselves in the same bedroom -Tony’s for obvious reason, bigger, larger and all- as usual after a long day of work. No one knows about their true relationship, except Pepper and Rhodes even I have some doubt about it, I mean some glance and slight touches can’t be mistaken for something else. Working together, risking their life together, it creates bond between people. That’s what happened to them. They’re linked to one another, but they’re still allowed to feel attracted to someone else. But this someone must be okay with sharing and being shared between them, this is the only rule for it to work. Until now none of them felt this pulled toward someone else. The desire to have an other person enter their relationship...

“Hmmm, the way she defends us in front of all this miscreant...Loki groans as Wanda grinds herself on is lenght. So sexyyyy !! Nnngh, oooh harder soldier !”

“What do you mean ?! She defends you too ?! Asks Natasha popping out Sam’s dick from her mouth. Ahhhh yes Thor j-just right there ! Y/n helped Wanda and I getting out of this sexual harrassment situation, that was so sweet !”

“S-Say that to Bruce and I, she made our interview useless by stating so much dirty thing...Tony turns his head to harshly suck on Clin’t nipple and plays with his erect cock. Right Brucie Bear ?!” Bruce stops bobbing his head onto Tony’s to speak his mind.

“She has one of the dirtiest mouth I’ve ever seen, and not easily flustered apparently.” He then got back to work on Tony’s balls, sending goosebumps all over his flesh that makes his toes curled.

“So what do we do now ? Ask Steve slowly entering Clint’s backside. We’re all into her but how do we know that she feels the same ?” He’s peppering kisses along Clint’s column.

“I know it ! Wanda exclaims while being pinned down by Loki. I heard her thoughts, saw her fantasies... She langourously kisses Loki. There’s no doubt, she’ll accept !”

“Great news !! Moans Thor almost spilling himsef inside Natasha from hearing this. When do we start ?”

“I-I think Loki and I should start, hmmmmmm, we’re the most capable to explain to her, with our power we c-could show her, oh my god Loki dont stop please I’m so close...”

“You heard the lady Barnes, give us all you have ! Nnngh Hmmmm, Wanda’s right I’ll show y/n/n how we make this work, how we act together, Wanda will make her feel what we feel, about each other and about her !” The end of this sentence is ponctuated by the sound of their pleasure.

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The day after is a day off, most of the agents aren’t there so it’s the perfect moment to tell me the truth. Wanda and Loki are walking side by side, their hands occasionnaly brushing together. Arriving at my doorstep, Loki knock three times before I answer.

“Hi, what are you guys doing here ?” I let them in, casualy embracing them.

“We’re here to talk to you about something...” Starts Wanda.

“Revealing something is more accurate.” Continues Loki.

“About...?” I ask.

“Us, the Avengers !”

“Oh, that you’re all in some sort of secret poly relationship ? Is that it ?” They’re both stunned.

“H-How do you know ?” Enquires Loki.

“Work of deductions and being observant, don’t worry I won’t tell anything.”

“We trust you but that’s not exacty what we wanted to talk to you about.” Adds Wanda.

They both explain me what they discovered, what they think about me, what they expect, what they hope... It’s a lot I’m not gonna lie, but it’s also such a flaterring turn of event. I’ve always been attracted to them, not as heroes but as the real person. I care about them a lot, I didn’t know it would be this way though.

We starts talking together about everything and nothing. I learn a lot about them, the more we talk the more we get close to each other. The first touch is from Wanda’s hand on my thigh -we sit on my couch and I’m in the middle- Loki’s on the other. In a short time their mouth are on every inch of skin available, my neck, my cheeks, my clavicles, my nose, my forehead, my mouth. The more we kiss -because yes I reciprocate !- the more handsier we become. They both undress me slowly and intimately, I see in they gaze that they appreciate what they see.

“Beautiful !” Says Loki, praising my nakedness, playing with my breasts, making them bounce a little.

“Equisite !” Whispers Wanda, licking her lips while gently rubbing her fingers through my slit, taking extra attention to my clit.

Once they have me on my bed -on my back- Wanda quickly get on me in a 69 position in order to feast on me. The sudden pressure on my clit causing by her hard sucking had me whimpering in a matter of seconde.

“Ohhh gosh Wanda !!”

“You should taste her too Loki, her smell, her taste... it’s outherworldly ! When she speaks I couldn’t think about anything but her pussy on full display toward my face. I first take a quick lick, she tastes so good, one lick leads to another then to another and another until I’m eating her out for all her worth. I couldn’t stop, she’s addictive, like all of them I’m sure. Ahhh Ohhh !” She gasps.

“Well well well someone seem to have some fun !” Sniggered Loki palming himself through his pant.

After having me on the verge of an orgasm, Loki slowly enters me while Wanda keeps herself occupied with my breats and clit, kissing my neck tenderly.

“Oh norns you’re so tight y/n/n ! I squeeze him at his words. His thrusts intensified, his thumb comes in contact with my engorged clit, stimulating it further more. You’re doing so well beautiful ! An other squeeze. Ahhh, you like what I say ? Want some more ?” He looks at Wanda, recognition hits her. She starts caressing the side of my face, turning my head in her direction so I’m looking directly at her. She then cups my face in her hands and gives me the most loving kiss a girl could hope of receiving, all the while Loki continues to thrust inside me, ever so slowly to increase the intensity of what I feel.

“You’re doing great, taking him so great. She kisses me, pinching my nipple. You’re so beautiful like this, all spread for us to enjoy. One of my hand unconsciously comes closer and closer to her pussy, she takes it and leads it to her most private part. As I enters two of my fingers inside of her, she starts humping them, moaning in my hears, rubbing my clit. The sensations from both Loki and Wanda are to much for me, I’m spiraling, I’ve never had an orgasm that powerful.

The three of us are out of breath, kissing each other wanting this moment to last longer. We talk -still naked, in our post orgasmic bliss- we talk about us, the other, the situation and come to a conclusion... I’m not opposed to being share between them, on the contrary !

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Days and days passes since the day Wanda and Loki came into my room to discuss arrangement and having sex with me. Since that day I’m on radio silence, I know they’ve all been busy with mission and all but a little message with ‘it’s okay we told them, they’re on’ written would have been gladly appreciated.

Right now I don’t know if there will be an other time, if it was a joke or not... I try to keep myself busy with anything. It’s been three weeks, three weeks of them all being on mission and no words spoken from them to anyone... It’s my day break so I decide to pamper myself a little. What better way to do that than going to an outdoor public naked bath.

I take my car -the drive will take twenty to thirty minutes-, pay at the counter and go change into nothing but an avengers’s theme towel wrapped around me. As we’re on the week day there is not a lot of people so I can choose the bath I want to be in. I choose the furthest away to be alone, calm and relax. I enter the huge bath and close my eyes to appreciate the calmness better.

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Avengers POV

Three weeks, this mission took longer than it should have been ! The worst in this is that none of us could have contacted her. The mission came to an end and we’re now going back home with a successfull mission.

“I can’t wait to be back, I can’t wait to be back inside of her sweet tight pussy !” Slightly growled Loki already aroused by his thoughts.

“I can’t believe you got lucky to have her instead of any of us brother.”

“Worry not point break, she already told them she’s okay to be shared, you’ll have your turn.” Tony pats him on the shoulders.

“I wonder what she tastes like ?” Wonder Nat out loud.

“Sweet and feasty, like a spring breeze !” Answers Wanda day dreaming at the memory.

“Come on why torturing us !?” Whine Bucky and Sam at the same time, the both of them glaring at each other.

“It’s like you want us to be worked up during all the flight back home !” Whisper yelled Clint, his hard on painfully pressed against his pants.

“How much time before we arrived ?” Asks Steve.

“It depends. Answers Bruce. If we’re going to the compound it’ll take us almost an hour and fifteen minutes, but if we’re going where she is forty five minutes to one hour !”

Where is she ?” Asks Sam full of curiosity.

“Based on the location of her phone, in the outdoor public naked bath at approximately thirty minutes from the compound.” Says Nat.

“Well then what are we waiting for !” Joyfully screams Thor.

End of Avengers POV

Silence and calm, working with the Avengers is not an easy task and is rarely relaxing, but here and there I’m the most relax I can be. Not a sound from people chatting, not a sound beside others entering the same bath as me. They must be several, I feel the water moving around me. Suddenly I feel something -a mouth I think- attache itself on my left nipples, then an other one on my right one. My eyes open wide from fright when I see all the Avengers are here and that none other than Clint and Thor are the one wildly sucking at my tits.

“W-what are you guys doing here ?”

“We couldn’t wait more to see you beautiful.” Loki approaches and give me a peck on the lips.

“I can’t say I’m not glad to see you all in one piece...and naked on top of that !”

After that everything starts to go quick, it’s like all the pent up energy was reunited in one place to be directed into one goal, pleasing me.

Thor and Clint get me up on the edge so that Nat could swim her way toward my waiting pussy, she doesn’t give me time to adjust to the intensity before she starts to suck hungrily at my clit. Loki couldn’t -or wouldn’t- wait more, he picks me up to put me on his lap, spreading my legs, exposing me for everyone to see.

“Are you ready for me beautiful ? I nodd my head. He plungs into me to the hilt, I’m waiting for him to starts moving but he doesn’t do anything. You’ll stay still until we tell you otherwise beautiful is that okay ? He whispers in my ears which I nodd of course. Perfect, you’re perfect love !” He says kissing the side of my neck.

At this both Wanda and Nat rush themselves to my exposed pussy. Nat licking and sucking while Wanda uses her fingers inside of me in order to find my magic spot. The guys -except for Loki- are watching the scene with awe, touching themselves in rythme with my moans. Each bid of pleasure makes me squeeze Loki harder and harder each time.

“Ohhhh Ahhhhh I-I don’t know how much time I can last !”

“You’re squeezing me so good !”

“You taste amazing !”

Wanda finally finds the spot that can make me see stars bumping into it with more and more fervor until my thighs shakes from the violence of my first orgasm that triggers Loki’s.

“I-I’m so sorry...”

“You were absolutely ravishing !” States Bucky.

“Gorgeous !” Adds Steve.

“Exquisite !” Says Thor.

“Lovely.” Sighs Bruce.

“Delightful !” Comments Nat.

“Striking !” Whispers Wanda.

“Radiant !” Pronounces Sam.

“Dazzling !” Utters Tony.

“Enchanting !” Declares Clint.

“Perfect !” Announces Loki.

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The atmosphere becomes suddenly incredibly hot. Hornyness exudes from everyone, nothing is planned, it’s pure instinct.

Bucky comes out of the water first taking my hand in his big ones. He gets himself on his back while I slowly impaled myself on his thick, veiny cock. I’m so tight it makes Bucky shudders. He gives me time to adjust to his size, before I can starts moving Natasha joins the both of us, I thought she will go with an other guy or so but instead she comes to sit on Bucky’s face -what a lucky guy- while desperately kissing me. Our kiss becomes more heated, her tongue sightly forces my mouth to open to grant her access. Each thrusts of Bucky’s hips, each kiss of Natasha make me go almost mad from pleasure. I need more but I don’t now how to tell them. The sight of Natasha squirming from the pleasure given by Bucky eating her out is incredible, her bouncy tits just in front of me that I could just eat them both.

“ Ooooh y/n/n !!” Whipers Nat as I lean down to catch her nipples in my mouth.

“I need more...” I whisper to anyone who wants to hear.

Suddenly I feel something entering me from behind, slowly, delicately as to not hurt me -fortunately I’m incredibly aroused and well lubricated-. I turn my head to see who it is, only to see the face of Thor, eyes close, lost in his pleasure, a moan escaping his mouth.

“Brother you were right, she’s perfect !” Each words ponctuated by a vigourous thrust of his.

Sam and Steve can’t stand the sight of their friend receiving pleasure from me -and also giving pleasure to me-, their jealousy hit its peak when I loudly express the pleasure they made me feel. The both of them get out of the water and come to each side of me, errect cocks demanding some love. I take them in each hand, starting to go slow but firm. I’m building a pace that’s increasing the more pleasure I feel. I got them both a moaning mess in no time, Natasha occasionnaly helps by playing with their balls.

“Nngh, you have magic in your hands y/n/n !” Whispers yelled Sam.

“It’s like you’re born for this sweetheart !” Adds Steve panting loudly.

Loki and Wanda watch you and the other together, playing and touching each other. Having had the pleasure of my company they decided -with the other- to let them have a go with me while they’ll just stay together and watch.

“What about you guys ? Don’t want to play with us ?” Natasha and I ask the remaining guys Bruce Tony and Clint. They quickly get out of the water offering for me and Nat to suck their cock. We can’t give them all we have due to the many dicks here, but we take our time licking their slit, kissing their veins and sucking their head. The three of them swap places between being suck by me, by Nat or entering inside Nat’s sweet pussy as we both suck the others two, occasionnaly making out together.

We’re all a mess of limbs, sweat, tears and cums. We’re so loud that I’m pretty sure I saw people escape the baths near ours because of our sexual activities. I don’t care to be honest, I’ll do a press conference or I’ll tell Pepper to do so...Maybe no one will know if those people shut their mouths. Who would believe them ? Who would believe that the Avengers f*cks together in a public outdoor space ? I take a guess and say no one.

From this day, I’m officially a part of their polyamorous relationship. We have plenty of sex, but not all together -it happens only after their return from a tough mission where they need to feel loved and anchored- most of the time it’s with one or two of them, it doesn’t mean the others can’t watch -Lord knows that some of them are really into voyeurism-, all in all we’re happy and sexually beaming.

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This is the end of this fic, hope you enjoyed reading it, if you want to be tagged let me know in the comments, if you want to request check the link here or all above.

Like, Comment and Reblog are highly appreciated.

English is not my mother tongue.

#poly avengers x reader #tony stark x reader #bruce banner x reader #clint barton x reader #natasha x reader #thor x reader #steve rogers x reader #bucky x reader #sam x reader #wanda x reader #loki x reader #fluff #smut #avengers x reader #avengers smut

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spilledkauffie · 3 years

Text

Bucky x Pregnant Reader

Just some funny & fluffy HCs (they’re kind of long, sorry!!)

*xFemale!Reader || Part 2 !

He’s super cautious about everything, if you want soup for dinner he makes sure it’s not too hot, if you want ice cream he lets it thaw just a little so it’s not too cold. When you asked him why he was sticking a thermometer in your coffee he simple said, “too much heat isn’t good for the baby, it could burn it,” as he stared at the meter, “uh-huh, and you do know we’re not in the 1940s anymore, right? We have a much better understanding of mom-baby connections,” you tilted your head, “Look I’m just being cautious, for you, okay?” It’s old fashioned, but it’s sweet.

He nearly has a heart attack when he sees you on a ladder, a step, the counter, or anything with heights. He will literally man handle you, grabbing you carefully by the waist or under your arms (yes, like a child in trouble) to bring you down from where you were, even if it isn’t actually that high. “It wasn’t even that high, babe,” you sigh, waiting for him to get your chips off the top of the fridge, “it’s not like I was climbing Mount Everest.” / “Close enough,” he shake his head at you with a sassy tone, still distraught over you just heaving yourself up onto the countertop.

Sam is always over! Though he doesn’t have kids, he has nephews he’s close with and thus has had some experience with babies and children. Often Bucky just rolls his eyes when Sam’s giving advice, but Sam comes back with “Oh, I’m sorry, who should she believe, a 106 year old who took vintage sex ed in 1900, or someone who was at the hospital with his sister, like eight years ago?” you had to laugh at the comment, but Bucky just ducked his head, “it was 1939…” / Sam is actually a big help for you, he said he’d try to get his sister up to visit with you and talk baby stuff next time the boys are on a mission so you’re not alone.

Sleeping, Bucky’s made it a habit of always going to sleep with his hand somewhere on your stomach, it’s mainly a protective thing, since before the baby he just had to have an arm around you, holding you. But now it has to be skin on skin contact, which means you’ll feel him slowly and softly slip his hand under your shirt when he comes to bed later than you. You’ve come to love it, often placing your hand on top of his.

↳ “lazy days” have become much more of a thing as you entered your third trimester, some days you just don’t want to get out of bed, and Bucky is completely fine with that, he’ll cook, he’ll bring you whatever you want, he’ll lie in bed with you.

You’ve gotten really concerned about the pregnancy and being a mom on a few occasions. Usually this results in some bouts of depression. In times like those, Bucky makes sure he is there physically and mentally for you. If you don’t want to talk about you, he lets you snuggle up as close and as tightly to him as you want. He understand silent suffering and how much just a physical person being there means. When you do want to talk about it, he’s always there and ready to listen.

One minor wince or groan or mumble from you and he’s on it with the “what’s wrong?” / “what is it?” / “how can I help? Is the baby coming?!” He’s mildly paranoid that he’s going to miss something vital or important if he isn’t 100% paying attention to every detail. This is why no you’ve never teased him about anything regarding the baby, because he’s so concerned and invested that it might just give him a heart attack… He is 106.

He was beyond panicked when you called him over, desperately reaching a hand out for him as he sat down next to you. Taking his hand, you press it to your side, and tell him to wait. Super confused if this is a good or bad moment he waits with an anxious look until- “did you feel that?” you smiled up at him; his jaw drops and spreads into a smile as he shifts closer to you in awe silence you both feel another kick, “wh- how did you do that?” he asks, stroking his free hand through your hair, as he bites the corner of his lip. Finding it precious you’re nearly crying from the happiness when he kisses your forehead.

He’s that guy that gets a book on “pregnancy for dummies,” so he can attempt to better understand what you’re going through that he can’t necessarily see. Needless to say part of the book horrified him, “oh my g- do you know what’s happening inside you?!” You just shake your head finding 10/10 entertainment in just watching his face whilst he reads it. The actual “how birth happens” chapter might’ve been one of the best.

He’s actually a little scared, or worried, about touching your baby bump (with a certain hand). You’ve told him you don’t mind that it’s cold, but he’s still avoidant. When asking him why, he didn’t want to say because he thought you might laugh, promising you wouldn’t he confessed, “what if the vibranium… magnetises the baby?” You managed to keep a straight face for approximately two seconds before breaking into laughter.

Your random (and very intense) moods are the biggest handful for him. He’s trying his very best to know what to do, but he never wants to make you feel like it’s not normal to feel a certain way.

↳ The Crying: one time he was telling you about this past mission he was on. It was like casual conversation for him to talk to you about it, but when he got to the part of “so they had these big dogs-” he looked over at you to find you in absolute tears, he stopped in his tracks, biting in his bottom lip as you stared at him, “and? then what?” you asked, voice breaking, he shook his head slowly, keeping eye contact, attempting to think of something, “then-” / “then you became best friends with the dogs and they were on your side in the fight?” he nodded dramatically to you response “yes, that’s exactly what- what happened… yep, nothing more to that story.”

↳ constant State of Annoyed: at times you’re just purely annoyed for no reason, typically more passive aggressively, but sometimes you’re just straight up honest about it. When he tells you good morning and reminds you how beautiful and glowing you are, you’ve said “I love you, but your voice sounds like a duck today,” or “I am not glowing, be honest, I look and feel like a blimp.” He still tries his best to compliment you, other times he just hides for the day. Until you become super needy at night.

↳ MamaBear Instinct already kicking in: you’ve become extra protective / defensive. One time you were at the store, around one A.M. (because cravings!) and you were picking out cereals together. Bucky was surprised to see some brands he knew still around: “wow, Chex?” he picked up a box, “I didn’t know they were still making these-“ he trialed off about the cereal, but you noticed some kids snickering a few feet down the aisle. “Then again, the last time I had these they tasted like cardboard,” Bucky winced, “probably cause they were made out of it back then-“ / the kids laughed again, despite the soft Hello Kitty pj pants you had on, you were far from soft. “HEY!” You called out, “are you laughing at him?!” Bucky turned to see who you were talking to, but before he had time to address them himself, he was reaching to stop you from lunging over the cart at them, “I will fucking fight you if you are!” / “Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!” Bucky completely stepped to block you, lifting his hands to meet yours gently, but you just tried to push them out of the way still flustered.

#spilledkauffie #Bucky Barnes #bucky x y/n #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky hcs #bucky headcanon #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes headcanon #bucky barnes hc #bucky barnes x female reader #winter soldier headcanon #winter soldier hcs #sebastian stan #sebastian stan hcs

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falling-pages · 3 years

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the Hosts as Dads

I'm late for Father's Day but WHOOPS! have some fluff

Tamaki:

Literally his greatest wish in life is to have a family, so he would be desperate for kids

As soon as you’re ready to have them, he’s ready

Worships you and your baby bump

To him, you are a goddess--you create life, you carry the most precious gifts in the world

He passes out the first time you go into labor

And is a bawling MESS when he holds his child for the first time

Cannot stop crying and cooing over the baby

Wants as many kids as you do, and then begs you to pop out another one

Maybe 5 or 6

Impulse buys EVERYTHING

Tamaki we’re only having one baby we don’t need three cribs

Tamaki we already have three toy boxes FULL--

Raising his sons to be little hosts and his daughters as little ladies

Spoils them ROTTEN with all the affection he never received as a child, but they’re all so sweet and not brats because he’s their dad

Refers to himself as “père” or “papa” and you as “maman”

Teaches his babies French, of course

He has very strong European genes, so most of the kids end up looking more like him

IMAGINE THE TINY TAMAKI DOPPLEGANGERS TODDLING AROUND SPEAKING HALF-FRENCH HALF-JAPANESE

Honestly? Becomes a stay at home dad

Teaches his little ones to play piano

Kyoya:

Doesn’t have the first inkling of how to raise a child

Straight up when he finds out you’re pregnant his first words are, “Good, the Ootori Company will have an heir.”

Kyoya I stg--

Holds you in extremely high esteem as you carry your children

Not really the doting type, but he does make sure you have everything you could ever want

Very subtly checks on your comfort, if you’re in any pain, etc and tries to fix it

Chooses not to watch you go into labor. He doesn’t think it proper and he honestly believes he will be a hindrance

He stops breathing when he sees his child for the first time

A little baby girl with a full head of black hair

Of course he loves her, but he doesn’t know how to articulate it

All he knows is that he doesn’t want to be like his own father

But one day you were out of town overnight, and all the nannies had gone home so when the baby cried, Kyoya had to check on her

And when he held that baby and truly looked at her, looking at his future, holding his entire world in his arms, he fell apart

Sat in the rocking chair and CRIED as his baby went back to sleep

After that his favorite thing to do is have her nap on his chest while he reads a book

And just likes to look at and admire her

Second child is a son

Daughter is bossy and business minded; son is laid back

Both kids need glasses

Hikaru:

Okay we know this boy has no patience and very bad impulse control

So it comes as no surprise to anyone when he knocks up his college girlfriend

Is a surprisingly well-adjusted dad

His parents were never really around for his childhood, and even though he had Kaoru, his little baby boy doesn’t, so he’s as hands-on as possible

Proposes to his girlfriend on their child’s first birthday. All the pictures have the kid smashing cake in them

Every single host is dying at the opportunity to babysit

Hikaru is still as reckless as he was when he wasn’t a father

I mean, he has a little more common sense, but not much

Thank God for Kaoru

Imagining 19-year-old Hikaru sitting in his sophomore tech & software classes with his baby in one arm and writing notes with the other hand

Showing up to his first day at his internship with a diaper bag, computer bag and baby strapped to his chest

You and he wait a while before the next kid--get married, start your careers, settle down

Baby boy is the ring bearer

Your son is pushing six when you have another baby boy, then three years later you have a girl

The middle child is an absolute angel, while the oldest and youngest are devils

Hikaru likes to sing to the babies when they’re fussy. He’s horrible at it, but nothing calms them like their father’s voice

Crawls into bed with them to soothe them when they have nightmares

Imagine walking in on them one morning, toddler’s head curled on Hika’s chest, him sprawled out, both of them drooling buckets

Roughousing with his boys and his girl, playing football, wrestling, just being a goofball

Please. dad Hika with a baby strapped to his chest is sending me to the astral realm

Kaoru:

He would love to father his own kids, but I firmly believe he would adopt as well!

Have two of his own, and then adopt one or two

Would also be a really great stepdad, I think

Cracks Dad jokes as soon as he finds out you’re pregnant

Normally a sensitive soul, he becomes extremely protective

Holds your hand and kisses your forehead during labor

Has the biggest, brightest smile through his tears when he holds your son for the first time

Does most of his work at home

Also keeps the baby in a harness strapped to his chest

He loves carrying the diaper bag and will bite anyone who tries to take it from him

His kids are his biggest inspiration, so he decides to open a kids clothing line

Your babies are the models

Because of that, one of them pursues modeling as a career and Kaoru couldn’t be more proud

They all look like him, but they don’t look like Hikaru, which is weird and messes with your head

He’s the perfect Dad. He spoils them but is also very disciplined

Spends quiet Sunday afternoons sketching and cooking with them

Mitsukuni:

All his babies are tiny. Doesn’t matter how tall you are. Your children are tiny

They have his body type, too. Small, bird-like, narrow bones

But they still kick ass

He didn’t give them a chance to opt out of martial arts. They don’t have a choice--it’s the family business, and they will learn it

Unsurprisngly, they’re all very good at it

They train often with Uncle Chika and their cousins

He cheers and coaches them on at competitions

He’s offended when they don’t share his sweet tooth

I mean, they like candy. What child doesn’t? But you raised them to not be obsessive about it, which displeases him

Takashi:

Lord. Don’t get me started on him as a dad

He is a family man. It’s in his blood. That’s how he was raised and trained and taught

So he will pump eight or ten kids into you if you let him

Cries the first time he finds out you’re pregnant

Worships you like a desperate man kneeling at the temple of his god

Belly kisses. Forehead kisses. Really tender palm kisses. Kisses, kisses, kisses.

How else could he thank you for giving him the most special gift?

Even more protective than before

Scary dog privileges

Has to have a hand on you/the bump at all times

He’s so tall that he has to lean down a little to reach it, but he doesn’t mind

Prefers to hold both you and the baby, so he reclines on the couch and pulls you and the bump into his lap, wrapping his arms around you and encouraging you to rest against his chest. Let him carry the baby for a little while

Thinks you look ravishing in the maternity clothes

Stares daggers at anyone who tries to touch your bump, curling an arm around it and turning you away with a low growl

Goes slightly feral whenever you reach your due date

Each labor is difficult, but he lets you crush his hand. He’s pretty silent, but he wipes your forehead and grunts with you. Seeing you in pain makes him feel pain

When that precious little baby is delivered, he just stares at them without a word. He can’t believe that you and he made something so perfect and innocent and pure

His hands are so big. He can hold the baby in just one palm

Smiles the brightest when holding his child

He was raised with honor and chivalry and a moral code, so he raises his children the same way

Teaches both his sons and his daughters how to be kind, gentle, and nurturing while also teaching them self defense and other fighting moves

Diaper changing pro

Y’all have kids pretty close in succession, so while you’re at work he can be seen walking with a baby in a chest harness, one strapped to his back, one in a stroller and a toddler holding his hand

Sorts out and categorizes what heirlooms will go to each child

BIG emphasis on birthdays. He’s a man of tradition, and feels happiest when his children are honored.

all of your kids have his jawline and his height

#ouran high school host club #ohshc #tamaki x reader #ohshc x reader #kyoya x reader #hikaru x reader #kaoru x reader #mitsukuni x reader #takashi x reader #tamaki suoh x reader #honey x reader #mori x reader #tamaki suoh #kyoya ootori #hikaru hitachiin #hitachiin twins #kaoru hitachiin #mitsukuni haninozuka #takashi morinozuka

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lazyevaluationranch · 3 years

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On a post about the Blue Haired Girlfriend's quixotic citrus breeding experiments, @voidingintotheshout asked:

I mean, if you wanted a hearty citrus relative, why didn’t you just grow Osage Orange? They can grow as far north as Michigan which is surely further north than anyone could reasonably expect to grow a citrus tree. They’re not edible but then hearty orange isn’t either. Osage Orange are so cool and such a interesting historical plant from the Shelterbelt era of American agriculture. Apparently they do smell like citrus.

This is part three of three. Part one. Part two.

Now you've done it! It's time for A Very Brief (But Also Insufficiently Brief) History of Twentieth Century Hardy Citrus Cultivation! Growing citrus trees this far north is kind of nuts, it's true, but I promise you it is not even close to the weirdest things people have done to grow citrus in places where the citrus doesn't think it should grow.

A note: This post will written using the Swingle citrus taxonomy system, including things that are definitely wrong. The citrus taxonomic tree looks like that one box of orphaned computer cords I keep moving with me to new houses "in case I need them" except some sort of adorable five-dimensional kitten has entertained herself with them and some of the resulting knots are not technically possible in our space-time continuum.

The powers that be gave us citrus because nothing pleases them like seeing a geneticist cry.

1. The Migrant Trees

The Soviet Union wanted lemons for tea, and they wanted to be independent enough not to have to trade with anyone else to get them, which meant they wanted to grow their own citrus. That part of the world is not a great place to grow plants that die when the temperature goes below zero, but at the foundation of the Soviet Union, there were citrus orchards in the warmest part of Georgia, along the Black Sea. Specifically, there was about, uh, one and a half square kilometers of somewhat implausible citrus orchard.

Hang on, it is about to get way less plausible.

This is the great citrus migration: any tree that did well in one spot, they'd try planting its seeds a few kilometres further north, or a few kilometres further east. Prizes were offered for breeding hardier citrus. Slowly the orchards spread, but they were extremely weird orchards.

It's usually a few degrees warmer at ground level than up in the air, and there's way less wind. So as the trees grew, they were bent over and tied along the ground. Some of them had the central trunk run in a straight line along the ground, with branches spreading out from it like the leaves of a fern, like an espaliered tree on its side. Others were starfish shaped, with the central trunk looped down until it ended up next to the base, and the branches sprawling out along the ground from the centre like starfish legs. The citrus trees were no taller than particularly vigorous strawberry plants, but they survived the winters, and you could throw a blanket over them to help them stay warm.

None of that helped if the ground froze solid, so they needed Underground Citrus. You'd dig a ditch, down below the lowest area where the ground froze, and you'd plant flat Starfish Trees or Flat Frond Trees running along the bottom of it, too deep to freeze. In winter, you'd just cover the ditch with boards any time the temperature was expected to go below freezing - citrus would tolerate the lack of light, but not the cold. Mandarins (Citrus reticulata) seemed to do best, so that’s most of what was grown.

It is a nearly unimaginable amount of work to grow citrus this way, along the bottoms of pits and trenches. We are experimentally trying to grow a Soviet-developed mandarin breed of unknown parentage, Shirokolistvennyi, but we will definitely not be putting in that level of effort.

2. The Mixed Up Trees

There are a couple species of citrus that tolerate cold well, but taste awful. A lot of effort has gone into crossbreeding them with more edible citrus. The results are ... mixed.

The Ichang Papeda (Citrus cavaleriei) generally survives temperatures down to -18 degrees C. It is stoic and calm and has mastered emptiness. Unfortunately, it has mastered emptiness too well. The fruit smells like lemons, with maybe a hint of rose, but there's nothing to eat here. It has a rind and seeds. No juice, no flesh.

(Photo by Michael Saalfield)

The Ichang Papeda is the parent or grandparent to several delicious, extremely sour Asian citrus types. Yuzu/yuja smells like grapefruit and clean wet stones from the bottom of a fast-flowing stream. Sudachi smells like grapefruit and leaves with dew on them. (I haven't met kabosu or any other papeda hybrids personally, but they are numerous.) They're all too sour to eat plain, unless you really need to turn your face inside out for some reason, but make for excellent flavouring.

(We have a yuzu tree and a sudachi tree and they're surviving, but no fruit yet.)

Trifoliate orange (Poncirus trifoliata) can survive temperatures down to -30 degrees C. This may be partly because, uniquely amoung citrus, they can drop leaves in autumn or winter and regrow them in spring, like a maple tree. They also produce an internal antifreeze. They are angry, twisted, thorny little plants that yell swears when you walk past them. They make a great hedge. The fruit is furry, smells like flowers and pine trees and taste like burnt, bitter plastic. It may or may not be possible to breed the horrible taste completely out of trifoliate oranges without losing cold-hardiness, if it's due to their antifreeze chemicals. Here’s Stabby:

(Photo by Rob Hille)

Even the least terrible trifoliate crossbreeds are bitter enough to qualify as “acquired tastes.” There are recipes for trifoliate marmalade: put a dozen trifoliate oranges, a kilogram of sugar, and a kilogram of pebbles in a pot, cook until it gels, then sieve out the oranges and eat the pebbles.

We are growing a trifoliate orange / minneola orange hybrid. And, of course, someday our own trifoliate hybrids. The Blue Haired Girlfriend planted 200 trifoliate oranges a couple years ago. There are fewer now, but the survivors have lived through two winters of snow and frost, and they might have somehow gotten more stabby. We're going to breed them, to each other or to less angry fruit, try and make something new and good from them.

I've limited this post to twentieth century hardy citrus breeding, but I have to give a shoutout to somatic hybridization, a decidedly twenty first century technique, where you take a cell from each of two different plants, remove their cell walls, put them next to eachother, and shock them with electricity until they merge into a single cell whose nucleus contains all genes from both plants. Then the new plant is like, "Wow, I guess these are all my genes? It seems like a lot, haha, but it's not like somebody made me from dismembered body parts and electricity, that is not how science works. Anyway I guess it's time to do some plant stuff now."

3. The Mutant Trees

In the 1950s, people started using radiation to randomly scramble the genes of plants. You'd irradiate seeds enough to change the genes somehow, and then you'd have to plant them to see what had happened. Maybe it was people horrified by the atomic bomb desperately wanting to find some life-supporting use for atomic fission, maybe it was government-supported cold war "atom bombs are good actually, look how many we have, USSR" propaganda. Probably both.

This time period also saw serious plans for Orion, a spaceship with a huge metal plate for a butt, intended to be propelled by exploding atomic bombs under it, which I am not actually making up.

Thousands of people in Europe and the US signed up to receive seeds with random mutations in the mail, plant them, and report back on what they heck they grew into and if it had any useful weirdness. (The gamma radiation used to mutate the seeds did not make them radioactive themselves - the seeds were completely safe.) There were also more formal and carefully controlled university research programs in China, Japan, and the US, where plants where grown in a circular research garden with a coverable radiation source at the centre, so that the farther you got from the centre, the less radiation the plants got. Radiation breeding is less popular than it used to be, but Japan still has a very productive citrus radiation breeding program.

The most popular radiation-bred citrus is the "Rio Red" grapefruit and its offspring, which has a much deeper red than non-mutant red grapefruit.

There aren't many radiation-developed citrus breeds noted for cold-hardiness - with radiation you get whatever you get - but there are a few, and I want one just because I think they're neat, a monument to that lovely human vision that looks at terrible weapons and somehow sees glossy-leaved trees with bright fruit.

4. The Monster Trees

Citrus are usually grown via grafting. That is, you plant a seed from a fast-growing sturdy breed, you let it grow roots and all that, and then you cut the top off and replace it with a branch from a more delicious breed. The two citruses grow together, and you end up with a tree that's disease and cold resistant in the roots, below the graft, but makes tasty fruit above the graft.

Occasionally, this process goes Wrong.

The first recorded instance is the tree called Bizarria, discovered in 1640. Someone attempted to graft a sour orange branch onto a citron. But instead of a clean line between sour orange branches and citron roots, the graft was damaged somehow, and the two different species of cells got tangled and mixed through the whole tree. It has branches that produce citron fruit. It has branches that produce sour orange fruit. And it has branches that produce, uh ... these:

(Photo by Labrina)

Most graft chimeras are made accidentally, when the graft site is damaged. Trifoliate orange is often used as rootstock, so there are many reported chimeras involving trifoliate orange and a nicer fruit. The mixed-up cells can be arranged a lot of ways, but it's possible to have the outside layer of the tree be trifoliate orange, and the core of the tree be the other citrus (periclinal chimera). This means you could theoretically get a tree with frostproof trifoliate leaves and branches, but fruit that doesn’t taste like burnt plastic rolled in quinine.

This lucky monstrosity has, in fact, reportedly happened. Twice. There is the Prague Citsuma, discovered in a greenhouse in Prague and suspected to have been created by a Soviet breeding program. And then there is the Hormish, discovered in China and thought to have been made by frostbite messing up the clean lines of the graft. The Blue Haired Girlfriend has managed to track down budwood from the Prague Citsuma - I’m so excited! - so we'll see how the fierce thorny monster tree with a heart of gold, or at least heartwood of gold, does for us.

5. Conclusion

Humans have been trying to grow citrus trees where they don't belong for nearly two thousand years, at least since the Jewish Diaspora and people trying to grow holy etrog trees - trunks gnarled as barnacle stones and the whole tree scented like the best dream you can't remember - in Europe. Maybe longer.

The Blue Haired Girlfriend's citrus-breeding schemes aren't going to singlehandedly transform Canada into a net citrus exporter. But history shows us: it might be possible to have a little gleaming sweetness from the stony ground here, with the ravens and the fir trees and the auroras. A sweetness we made ourselves, that exists nowhere else.

Or maybe we'll just have a bunch of weird inedible fruit. I don't know, but it's worth finding out, worth weaving together leaf and thorn and stone and the light of our hands as the years unwind. Worth it to have a quixotic project we can expect to spend decades on together, hands and hearts. This is how home is made, sometimes, with a balcony full of angry thorny little trees that shout swears at passerby.

#part three of three #so much doesn't fit in this post #fog gardening #how lemons started the mafia #etrogs in diaspora #citropsis and the african citrus species #we are still discovering new citrus species in oceania!#who knows what we'll make?#and one day we'll scoop up hydrocarbons from Titan's stormy seas and polymerize them and make huge bubble greenhouses filled with citrus #small children will fling squishy citrus at their siblings by the coiled light of Jupiter #which is as it should be #thank you voidingintotheshout for an excuse for all sorts of ranting

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sugar-petals · 3 years

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german national team intro masterpost

since these utter buffoons officially qualified for the world cup (let’s do this ⚽️) it’s about time i rec you our football dudes, here are some key clowns i mean essential players to watch for 🇩🇪👋

first, have one of our hot weirdos with his puppy to bait you

if that interests you maybe nice thighs and arms will as well

that being said we’re good to go

so who are these shapely men in black then

the german football team 2021 — coached by our nation’s tiny football dad hansi flick

can you spot him, hint hint... he’s surrounded by a bunch of drama divos

⬇️

hansi is very important as he recently joined for a new era, not just because’s he’s walking all these attractive models around to drop our jaws but um i mean

anyway i digress, more about father hansi in a minute.

for overview purposes have a cheesy overedited pic of everyone who is currently kicking the ball around for us, not 100% up to date (edit: some changes for 2022 apply) but you get a good idea

(”kader” translates to “our squad” basically)

but to us they are family, football is a big ole deal in germany

we all lose our marbles over the games (picture: pre-covid public viewing) and i’m about to explain you why our sexy football husbands are kicking up such a storm

welcome to our world. send in the clowns

now you have to understand there’s no such thing as rational german composure you’ve been lied to

our chancellor & president are always the most feral people in the stadium VIP lounge and intricately color-coordinated with the team and/or flag. everyone else (except maybe italy) is just watching football. we are living it

even the introverts show up when the whistle goes, we’ve had retiring strikers do goal somersaults oh my god things can get 11,000% lit

as of now our 2021 men have the right skills the right lewks the rainbow agenda and finally the right coach to turn the party back up again after the drought

so it’s an honor my comrades let’s get cooking

traditionally we play in black (away games) and white kits (home games) with four stars on the tiddies, and a surprisingly decent grey or blue for training — sweater paws included so everyone looks very cute and lovely

i especially love the crisp white design, look at these handsome lawn runway stars

our guys are very hard to miss they’re so notoriously dashing ugh the prettiness of them

our ginormous captain has to wear much-commented-on shades of neon since he’s the goal keeper and we want to bamboozle the eyes of our enemies with the colors of the rainbow but the same goes for him

... four stars since we won the world cup in 1954, 1974, 1990 and 2014

(translation if you have no clue about football history: we’re quite decently competent, the team can always be reckoned with, only brazil has one more star and we famously beat them 7:1 at their own world cup)

2014 was the last wc win with our golden generation and 90% of our favorite but slightly embarrassing granddads retired since

nowadays our mischievous pretty boys are 25 on average and we’re in the advanced construction phase to prep for the world cup next year which means we are cuter, sassier, more frustrated, and the eyebrows are immaculate

in germany our dear eyebrow team is called “Deutsche Nationalmannschaft” (oof) as an official tongue twister but in english we gladly say germany nt for short and that’s the tumblr tag you find the fandom in

...where we provide you with spiritually fulfilling content like this

it’s not an astronomically large fandom but there are blogs that update super often bc so much stuff (= our captain’s antics) can be talked about, during big tournaments this horny mob suddenly explodes, germany nt twitter is also alive and memeing. it’s no surprise, our drama club regularly delivers viral pictures that look like a rennaissance painting

lmao perfect

and ps: don’t worry about any lengthy german names etc — most of our national circus clowns have a short nickname it’s tradition, and a lot of their social media also have an international version or insta english captions, and the football fandom also posts in english

so why don’t we check them out with some short intro trash talk bits

what better way to get to know them than some gossip, we got that judge fest energy

i can’t cover all of them so we’re going with 11 crucial clowns i know a thing or two about, who i can both praise and slander with confidence, followed by honorable mentions, plus of course model scout hansi

INTRODUCING THE SQUAD

basics first, the only normal person in there: our highly anticipated team miracle manager and already former co-coach hans flick (56), stoic but touchy football father who should have gotten this job like. years ago cuz the buffoonery escalated at the last tournaments. you missed nothing, i guarantee this thread found you at the right time. hansi hands out hugs and quality head pats for all the bottoms so i truly respect him, since he signed up we did nothing but win which hasn’t happened in 84 years so bless the man. specializes in comforting babies, of course he’s a pisces, kinda incognito as 50% of our players are like 7′5+ glam towers but he looks like the suffering meme guy in younger so that’s how you know it’s hansi

lgbt stands for love goalkeepers because tall: veteran human wall and nature hiking hoe manuel neuer (35), our rainbow team leader, has both nerves and green-clad booty buns of steel, living legend in germany, everybody stans him he’s famous famous, get ready for his ‘alternative’ aka straight up reckless methods despite pushing 40, this mf is anywhere but standing in his goal, most untrustworthy maniac i know but he walks with his chest pushed out plus he ruins christiano ronaldo’s penalties so he’s allowed 💚, can throw the ball as wide as he wants and where he wants, brilliant & bonkers in equal measures, aggressive ballerino playboy, we always wanna brag that we play fair but when manu clobbers another winger with his flying stunts we revoke our statement, he’s every striker’s worst nightmare, saves our ass 98% of the time but at what cost, dangerous bombshell blonde and thoroughly insane with cringy college humor, you’ve been warned, most objectified man in german history, he rolls with it and makes us sweat even more because he’s so cocky, all of football tumblr talks about how he layers and customizes his clothing because he’s so buff, our entire nation would risk it all to protect the holy fists and arms, dude can play in every position he’s nuts, our number one since years, but his name ironically translates to “neuer = the new one” in german so we always make puns with that, causes memes and a stir everywhere

(...he’s ridiculous i hate him)

head corner kick clown in charge with the mouth catching flies: wild & tiny midfield einstein joshua kimmich (26) who wouldn’t stop yelling even if the pope god and the queen were present, when manu isn’t playing he’s the captain, kimmy boy is a high IQ twink that’s why, collects all the guys you crush on with his mustache so prepare, gives 300% bc why not, piercing eyes with small pupils, great ass great hair great legs great everything, has an extremely perfect face, this brat is hot shit, and holy moly work ethic, a breakup is peanuts compared to seeing kimmich weep for minutes about getting an injury or losing a tournament, he’s irreplaceable, “last time kimmich lost a ball? when he gave it to his son when they played in the garden”, josi believe it or not is a father of two yet he’s the one looking like a kid, reliable and out of his mind at the same time how does he do it, collapses if he doesn’t get extremely tight embraces from everybody, zesty life of the party, very expressive and whiny whirlwind to say the least, if you don’t know how to spot jo just look for the firecracker i mean look at him are his lungs ok, shakespeare has nothing on kimmich

and those pupils... ⬇️⬇️ holy mother of manuel neuer look at that

ok enough about the unhinged blondies, here comes the distinguished chill dude with the stirring pot goal celebration: our even tinier sweetheart serge gnabry (26) who goes by sergio when he feels like it, if i remember it correctly his aunt lovingly calls him that (awe), doing some great stuff on the wings, we stan quality, he’s a class act, same with his outfits, very couture very polished, very poker face brand of cutting swabian humor (swabia + bavaria = the southern counties in germany), if you cross him there’s a scathing jab reserved just for you, defends all of his best friends like no other, the master chef has some sick burns waiting in his oven, other than that he’s introverted and does his own thing, he even has decent goalkeeping skills, yeah he’s that bitch honestly, and everyone hypes him, his fellow but much taller players always lift him up a little too enthusiastically when he scores a goal and serge almost dies every time because his massive butt i mean center of gravity tips him over, here we can see on-site footage of jo kimmich saving gnabry’s dear life

now tumblr’s favorite: terrifyingly buff and resident balding BDE man leon goretzka (26) who straight people lose it over like the world’s about to end, like how many spiralling stans does he have, they want a piece of him man they’re out for his curls, meanwhile leon’s good at his job i guess, extremely politically active too, has a signature frown which makes the hets sexualize his mysterious wrath, we get it you want to be topped just get out, generates conversation so you’ll never run out of content if you stan this dude, his whole personality consists of becoming more and more beefy but his redeeming quality is being diehard friends with the previously mentioned josi kimmich, these two lunatics make the football world go round, everybody talks about this duo, they donated 1 million for covid relief so that’s nice, in their free time they serve 20cm height difference cuteness and judge everyone together like the two aquarius trainwrecks they are, sometimes sergio joins, they just beam, but they also cause a lot of crackheadery, every minute leon gets even more ripped how does he do that

(^...he can’t be serious)

our human radio on two legs: good ole chatty southern man, 2014 world cup winner, another curly head, great large curls in fact, staple court jester, bs-dispelling troll and skinny legend thomas müller (32) who you’ll probably pronounce and write as muller and that’s ok, our team dearly needs this comedian and we dread his retirement since he’s from the golden gen, directs the midfield masterfully and off the field notoriously cracks every uncle joke you can think of, lmao nobody’s safe from his imitations and puns, once kimmich grows up he’s gonna be like thomas these two are so similar, if someone says germans aren’t funny direct them to this crazed bavarian card player crack, in any case he’s a must-know and underappreciated legend, his whole personality is all rustic, he likes horses, one of the few guys not dating some influencer but married since 2009, roasts the press as a hobby and trolls arrogant players, he’s a keeper, he’s the MVP, the meme machine, mü is the best. he’d so deserve the world cup next year i really hope we can make it happen

that one scary viking guy: broad meme irl niklas süle (26) who is our token immovable object and tattoo jock regularly leaving the defense to play as an attacker and he’s pretty good at it, constantly improves, he’s from frankfurt which is where germany grows our skyscrapers so of course he’s 6′5, fans have baptized him with the honorable nickname of sülinho so the commentators regularly mess up and announce him like that in formal settings lmao, well then if you like a rough around the edges cryptid nikki is your dude, he looks very collected and intimidating which is great because nobody dares to come close to our goal, this dude weighs 100 kilograms or 220lbs, you can spot this mountain easily he’s like taller like the rock just without the eyebrows

and now! cheekbones guy who scored THE champion’s league winning goal: hobby farmer and pianist kai havertz (22) who seems like he’s brooding existential questions all day but actually thinks about donkeys and dogs, chelsea paid a 100 (!!!!!) million to get this spaghetti frame, impossibly chill in front of the goal, has a notoriously cold neck & hands let me knit a scarf and gloves, very taut angular face so he gets called everything from emo habsburg heir to lizard prince, bisexuals + modelling agencies love kai so he’s approved, one arresting gen z masterpiece, unhappy without his blonde emotional support bff julian brandt who is currently not nominated for the nt so expect grumpy havertz, topples over often and struggles currently so i worry a lot, looks p harcore and plays the english way but his personality is cutesy without a single braincell, talks like he’s high 365, does this silly grin where his cheeks are like fish gills so i call him koi havertz, squints seductively to be the most f-able guy on the field, look at this expensive bitch it’s working

👇and that’s mr. julian (25), seated, also plays in the midfield, he’s angelic i love this dude. also ‘never two beautiful best friends’ is a hoax as we can clearly see, the hoodie sex appeal is pretty banging right here

more english-inspired style, our undercover goal jesus who could need a little hand from above every now and then please: resurrected chaos striker timo werner (25) whose streak of milennial pain and slander-laden misfortune always haunts him for months until one game where suddenly he explodes with skills and luck like ketchup from the bottle, understandably desperate and emotional man who you feel everything with, great at one-on-one with opponents but usually too fast to escape offside, that’s why his undercuts look so sleek, yeah that’s how you recognize him tbh he’s timo with the good hair, they see him rolling, they hating, at chelsea he’s playing with kai as forwards so you often see them hanging out flaunting their p(r)etty priviledge, in any case let’s hope for the best, you can see the pain in his eyes gee

his name is complicated and has a dutch ancestry flair to it: our second goalkeeper and guardian angel marc-andré ter stegen (29), we all call him just ter stegen and basically never marc-andré like ter is his first name it’s tradtion, anyway he’s top notch, usually has nothing to do in the national team since our manuel’s aggressive ballerino booty can fly in all directions and catches balls from space but marc is a given and a goalie god at fc barcelona, so stop hating on him he’s great, germany is the nation of goalkeepers with good reason and he is no exception. pretty normal and likable bloke so less clown mode to be expected — usually, nobody’s truly in their right mind in this ass parade, i think marc’s insanity manifests in the fact that he does his saves like superman so this guy is a bit ridiculous as well, in any case he’s an absolute luxury to have as our backup, i love ter stegen, he’s superb, did i mention that i love ter stegen?

dc has flash but we have: lightning fast wing tech deity leroy sané (25) who already has several kids at home and all the clubs fight for him, oh boy he’s truly in demand, can’t be blamed he’s our most beautiful player: looks-wise, playing-wise, recently bounced back from a nasty mental block with the help of hansi, does extraterrestrial things with his pretty feet, v pleasant to listen to his voice is so deep, signature laugh, always somewhere giggling and snuggling w/ manu and especially his bestie sergio, cutest bunch, sané sounds like whipped cream (”sahne”) in german so we say he’s “allererste sahne” meaning creme de la creme so that sums him up, leroy is trained by pep guardiola in england, bag of tricks kinda guy, very tongue in cheek/teasing but he’s also a slutty capricorn, truly a combination of opposites, a talent and sight to behold, he gets several pictures because he’s leroy and my crush

and last but not least, basically a child: nobody calls him jamal musiala (18) anymore because bambi is the best ever nickname for him, german football lore has it that it was leroy who invented it out of nowhere, the rest is history, bambi has the looks and playing style of a deer plus some remarkable talent but prepare to suffer if you stan him the child protection agenda has him sitting on the bench often as of yet, nevertheless he is our future and he’s really popular, we all baby him, his skills and sudden goals are truly shocking he’s born 2003 like what do we do with this toddler?! in any case everyone adores bambi and he is in — as we saw — crazy, but good hands so fingers crossed, you spot him by the way he pulls his brows up and looks v small despite being 6′0, don’t underestimate him he’s always ready to go off on that goal

- honorable mentions, including some golden gen players:

antonio rüdiger (28) - also from the chelsea squad, very tall, defends, used to play with a mask due to injury, toni nibbles at our opponents’ backs to catch them off guard i’m not joking

mats hummels (32) - tumblr famous to unhealthy degrees, it needs to stop, currently on break, caught between our golden gen and eyebrow twink era, gets called D**F a lot but we don’t use that weird word here, defends, king of own goals, nice black hair though

toni kroos (31) - retired this year which i’m sad about, skillful real madrid midfielder who looks a little exhausted, infamously no-nonsense in interviews, badass with his tats, 2014 world cup winner, i miss toni </3

robin gosens (27) - new on the scene, from zero to hero, made a good impression at the last euros, very honest soul, now injured, he looks like the younger brother of the guy next on this list

lukas podolski (36) - poldi, was a sunshine himbo before it was cool, legendary retired winger, luke is cute and funny and confused he’s a national treasure, proof that geminis can be adorable, golden retriever

bastian schweinsteiger (37) - retired captain and silverback, basti is now pundit, made a huge impact back in the day, best friends ever with poldi they made legendary meme adverts for crisps together

miroslav klose (43) - the somersault guy, man he was the best striker ever, also retired a while ago i miss him tremendously, very stern but humble and a good man, miro is also a world cup winner, paved the way

philipp lahm (37) - another retired captain from the golden generation, several defensive positions, infamously smol and very talented, bffs with big manu, brainiac short king, we owe him everything

BONUS: robert lewandowsi (33) - he’s not german, he’s not in our team, he can’t join us since he already plays elsewhere (for poland nt), but our whole nation acts like he can because we want him as our striker lmao! get off tiktok lewy we need you

(the four stars are from the munich club jersey which is unrelated to the national team, we like him since he plays there and is extremely successful, a lot of our national players are sent from munich it’s the talent factory, check them out for further germany nt research if u want, the club is legendary)

and that’s it thank you for sticking with me here i hope you adopted some new ridiculous boyfriends and gained sexy insights about germany

as you saw we have pretty boys ranging from XXL to XXS so the buffet is open we have something for everybody

collect yours and tune in for more november world cup quali games 2021 and the tournament next summer where we will spread more rainbow buffoonery than ever and smize the competition to the ground

totally official predictions:

during semi finals, serge gnabry will evaporate christiano ronaldo in his cooking pan, then bounce the ball into the goal with his big booty: instant man of the match

hansi flick will chant a magic spell and timo werner scores 15 times

thomas müller’s horses will eat france, italy, and whatever other team is good

kimmich distracts messi by hitting the high c

manuel will end england in a penalty shootout wearing a torn neon pink camoflage jersey

when we play against poland, lewy will cause an own goal so he can finally be our striker in spirit 😔✊

leroy sané will look very hot

leon goretzka debuts a tenpack

kai havertz will credit his dogs and donkeys for his success after scoring the overly dramatic winning goal in the final with those long noodly legs <3

it will either be clownishly tragic or eyebrowly glorious but in any case it’s good fun and you get to see some pretty people running from left to right and vice versa ⭐️ (and memes are pretty much guaranteed no matter what happens)

for those who are already in the fandom and want to add their own husbands or some more sexy stats to this or if something needs correction go right ahead let’s go and thank you for reading + reblogging

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devildomimagines · 3 years

Note

I live to make these bois into whores 😎

Can I get head cannons of the boys meeting MC’s family; the catch is, MC is attractive as hell and so is their family? Literally everyone is hot. Their Dad is a whole dilf, their Mom is a milf, their older brother and sister are both sexy as hell, and MC’s just casually introducing them to the demon boys who could barely handle being around them.

They have a storm coming hehe 🤭

Sorry for the long wait but what else is new on my blog ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The older brothers are under the cut because this ended up longer than I first planned. I hope you enjoy~

Belphegor

It might take some bribing to get him to promise to be awake for the whole day but he gave in because it was important to you that he meet your family.

As you two approached the house, your mom was out in the front yard gardening.

When she turned around and caught the sight of you two she beamed a bright smile and waved.

You giggled as you waved back and looked at Belphie to see if he was waving too.

He was waving like a robot.

You have to elbow him to make him focus again.

He blushed as he admitted, “Your mom is really pretty.”

“I know,” you looked proud of the fact.

Your mom had called to the rest of the family and soon they were all outside to greet you.

You started greeting and hugging everyone.

Your dad clapped Belphie on the back and you caught his blush as he watched your dad head back towards you.

He mouthed the words, “Him too?” and you nodded.

Your brother and sister wasted no time in teasing you about bringing someone home.

Your brother tousled Belphie’s hair and your sister draped herself off you as she assessed Belphie.

“He’s cute,” she finally decided, “Be careful or I’ll steal him away,” then stuck her tongue out at you as she went inside.

You responded with your own tongue out at her retreating form.

Belphie fixed his hair and straightened his clothes, “You didn’t say your whole family was so handsome?”

“I thought it would be obvious, where do you think I got it?” You teased as you grabbed his hand and pulled him inside.

Beelzebub

You had thought maybe he wouldn’t fall victim to your family’s charm. You were wrong.

When the two of you entered the house, your mom greeted you two with a hug.

Beel blushed at the contact but recovered quickly. That is until your dad came up and patted him on the chest, “What a solid guy you caught, MC.”

You rolled your eyes but you caught Beel’s eye sparkle at the compliment.

Your sister introduced herself to Beel and he shook her hand before she pounced on him. He caught her in surprise.

“Ok, that’s enough, get off him!” You pulled your sister away with a huff.

She made a face at you before retreating.

Your brother was sizing Beel up from across the room.

“Are you gonna say hello bro?” You asked.

“How much can you bench?” Your brother stood up.

Beel wasn’t prepared for the question, “Uh…”

“Probably a lot by the look of it,” Your brother supplied.

Beel looked at you for help. Leave it to your brother to make a demon uncomfortable. “Can you cool it and get out of his face? Dinner’s almost ready.”

“Hm,” then a wicked smile flashed on your brother’s face, “Arm wrestle for the loser’s dessert?”

Oh no.

Beel’s smile reflected your brother’s, “You’re on.”

You pulled on Beel’s sweater as he was rolling up the sleeve. “Wait, go easy on him please, actually maybe let him win? With your strength you could break his arm.”

“But MC, the dessert,” Beel looked determined.

“I’ll give you mine,” he looked like he was debating it but the enticing offer of two desserts was winning out. “And… I’ll do that thing you like.”

That was clearly the winner. Beel sat down across from your brother and gave you a quick thumbs up before putting up a compelling fight if you didn’t already know he was going to throw it.

Dinner went off without a hitch. Beel complimented the hell out of your parent’s cooking and they complimented his appetite. As he ate your dessert, he whispered to you, “Don’t forget about your promise.”

The thing Beel likes is when you two go to the gym together, don’t get it twisted!

Asmodeus

“Oh?” Asmo smiled, “This is gonna be fun!”

He immediately starts towards your mom, “Hello! You must be MC’s sister?”

She laughs at the compliment, “No honey, I’m their mother.”

Asmo lays on the charisma in his shock, “No way! I could have sworn,” he looks back at you and you roll your eyes, what did you expect?

Asmo offers his arm and your mom takes it with a smile. The pair of them walk towards the house chatting about something that you couldn’t hear.

He was a tricky demon but you laughed it off as you walked after them.

You bumped into Asmo as you entered and you caught his surprised face. He then smiled to himself as he found a spot on the sofa, he clearly felt at home.

Loud enough for everyone to hear, even those in the kitchen he commented, “MC, you didn’t tell me your family was so attractive.”

Your brother and sister snickered at your embarrassment as you sat next to Asmo.

“Because,” you lowered your voice just for him, “I knew you’d act like this.”

“Like what?”

“Can we just have a normal dinner?” You asked, taking his hand.

“Of course MC,” he squeezed your hand, “but I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”

It figures. Asmo just gets like this when he’s surrounded by others that he both appreciates their features but finds them to be competition. If he can get them to like him, then he’s ‘won.’

He effectively keeps your family enchanted the whole night, he really does shine in social situations.

Satan

Interesting is the word of the night.

You had shown him pictures of your family as he was ‘studying’ for the night. He wanted to make sure he didn’t call someone by the wrong name, pronoun, or bring up a story you had told him in confidence.

The pictures did not do your family justice. They were gorgeous.

He immediately fell into his gentleman image. Satan took your mom’s hand and kissed the back of it.

She giggled but you shook your head, “That’s a bit much,” you commented.

“I don’t think so?” Satan tilted his head towards you.

“What about me?” Your dad snickered as he extended his hand.

“Dad~” You whined but Satan didn't skip a beat by taking his hand and kissing the back of it.

You dad chuckled heartily as he wrapped an arm around Satan, “Son, I like your style.”

Satan was starstruck and easily led further into the house by your dad.

You groaned, you clearly had not prepared Satan for how bewitching your parents could be.

Your sister and brother sandwiched you in the middle as they laughed. “Another one falls victim huh?”

The running joke being that the two of them had plenty of partners defeated by the magnetism your parents had. The partners often choosing the charming company of your parents and not the child they were dating when they visited.

You sighed and hung your head, you figured it’d play out like this but it was disheartening. That is until your thoughts were interrupted by a throat clearing.

You looked up and smiled at seeing Satan’s emerald eyes on you, silently asking if everything was ok.

You nodded and wiggled out from between your siblings to stand next to him as you formally introduced them.

You gave Satan’s waist a squeeze, happy he found his way back to you.

He smiled back at you softly, that is until your mom called out for him. He then blushed deeply as you let him get back to the kitchen.

“Good luck!” You called after him with a giggle. Your parents were incorrigible.

Leviathan

It took a lot for Levi to agree to meeting your family.

He was a nervous wreck, already sweating and you hadn’t even opened the front door.

“Hey,” you took his face in your hands, “You’re going to be ok, they’re going to love you and I’ll be with you for every second.”

Levi exhaled and relaxed into your hands. He nodded and finally smiled.

Then the door opened and he was tense again.

You shift your hands from his face to holding one of his hands.

“Oh I’m sorry!” Your mom said, “Was I interrupting?”

“No,” you confirmed before she could make a big deal.

“Well, welcome!” She threw her arms around Levi.

He squeezed your hand but said, “Thanks for having me.”

“Of course,” Your mom took his other hand and pulled him inside, “If you’re important to MC then you’re important to us!”

The three of you entered the living room and everyone got up to offer their greetings to you and Levi.

He never let your hand go.

When you got through everyone, Levi was a blushing mess.

He held you back as everyone made their way to the dining room. “I can’t do this, MC!” He whisper-yelled at you, “You didn’t say they were all so hot?! I can barely stand just you, but...” Levi looked at the dining room, “it’s like you times five now!”

You had to giggle and he gave you a pout. “Levi, we just got here. Dinner will be a breeze. Dad will probably tell stories of when me and my siblings were little, something about him in college and my mom will ask you-”

“She’s going to talk to me??”

“Well yes but she’ll only ask about your interests and hobbies. She loves anime BTW. It’ll be a sitch for you! I’m not worried at all.” You gave him a smile and you could see the gears turning.

He could talk about anime, that is manageable… “But won’t the others think I’m lame?”

“Nonsense! If you haven’t realized we’re a pretty accepting family, what other family would agree to send their child to hell for a year?”

Levi nodded, this is true. He took a brave breath and pulled you to the dining room.

Mammon

He’s overconfident in his ability to woo your family, which means he’s nervous.

It’s cute that he wants them to like him but it’s not as serious as he’s making it out to be.

You knew they would love him, they love everyone.

“Oy, this is it?” He shielded his eyes from the sun as he looked up at your house.

“Yep,” you took his hand and led him around to the side door.

“Wait, shouldn’t we use the front door?”

“We’re not guests, I lived here.”

“But I’m…”

The two of you entered the kitchen and your mom looked over her shoulder as she was pulling a large pot out of the oven, “You’re here!”

Mammon straightened up and took a step forward, “Let me help you with that, it looks heavy.” He grabbed the towel hanging from the oven handle and effortlessly carried the dish to the pot holder on the table.

“What a gentleman,” your mom snickered as she hugged you hello.

Mammon blushed and looked away but hugged your mom when she made her way towards him as hello.

“Who’s that holding my wife?” Your dad boomed.

Mammon backed off immediately as he came eye to eye with your father, “S-sir.”

With a smile your dad embraced Mammon, “I’m kidding, we’re all huggers here, better get used to it!”

Mammon blushed again in your dad’s grasp and you laughed. He shot you a look before smiling at your dad letting him go.

You shuffled up next to Mamms as he sighed, “Tired already? I know they can be a lot.”

“W-what are you talking about? I’m fine!”

“Good! Because my siblings are even worse!” As if on cue, the pair entered the room sizing up Mammon.

Your brother smiled, “I like him. He looks like he can get in some trouble.” If only he knew, but Mammon relaxed with the assessment.

“He’s pretty attractive,” Your sister said but her tone was skeptical.

“He models part time,” you offered, proud that you were making her somewhat jealous.

“Too bad he couldn’t cut it full time,” she dismissed. She moved in close to Mammon as if she was going to whisper in his ear but said loud enough for you, “If you ever want the better sibling, call me.”

His eyebrows shot up, Mammon was not expecting that.

You pushed your sister out of his space, “Go suck an egg!”

Your sister retreated with a vicious smile.

When you looked at Mammon, he was frozen in his shock. “God, she got you with just that?” You groaned, “This is gonna be a long night.”

“N-no!” Mammon was recovering, “I wouldn’t call her! You know that, right?”

“I know,” you sighed, “She’s just like that. I swear her and Asmo would have a day trying to one-up each other.”

“This is gonna be a long dinner huh?” Mammon was finally realizing it for himself.

You took his hand, “Yeah, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be!” He squeezed your hand and smiled, “The Great Mammon can handle anything!”

Lucifer

“Hm?” He would hum as you two walked up to your childhood home. “Who’s that?”

Your dad was outside mowing the lawn. He turned the mower to start a line towards you two but stopped when he recognized you.

“That’s my dad!” You ran over to hug him.

Lucifer watched as he wiped the sweat from his brow with a cloth in his pocket before catching you in an embrace.

Lucifer steeled himself and made his way over to join the conversation.

“You must be the man of the hour! Wonderful to meet you finally, after all MC has said about you!” Your dad had extended an arm to shake hands, “I’d usually hug you but I’m a sweaty mess. Come on inside, everyone is waiting!” He led you two to the front door and announced your arrival as he excused himself for a shower before dinner.

The rest of the family entered, your mom, brother and sister, each dazzling in Lucifer’s eyes.

He was used to beautiful people; angels have their allure, demons their temptations but humans had always seemed somewhat average until he met you and now your family.

Lucifer subconsciously fixed his shirt and then ran a hand through his hair. Then he caught your gaze.

“You look fine,” you whispered as you sidled up next to him.

“I see where you get your captivating looks from, I believe the celestial lineage is from your paternal side,” Lucifer gave your returned father a long glance. “He cleans up well.”

“You’re not too bad yourself, Mr. Morningstar,” you teased as you took his hand and led him to the table.

“This will be an interesting dinner,” he murmured as he took a seat next to you and then gulped as your dad took a seat next to him with a brilliant smile.

Is Lucifer nervous? Not that he would ever admit it, but who gave this human the right to be so handsome? With a hand on his chest, Lucifer clears his throat to regain composure.

#obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #my writing #obey me headcanons #just a little bit of crack though because i thought this prompt was funny #lol someone come collect these flustered demons

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fandomlit · 3 years

Text

neutral, chap. 2 (dream smp x reader)

series summary (in game!au) when an exiled tommy finally rebels against a manipulative dream, he finds safety in neutral territory, a place owned and guarded by you. staying in your safe haven opens up the younger one’s eyes to your way of life, while also revealing your deeper past before neutral; a past that involved a war for your love.

chapter summary tommy learns a little bit more about your relationship with dream before spending his day with ghostbur, exploring neutral territory and learning of the war that sparked its creation.

warning mentions of war, violence, and injuries

previous | series masterlist | next

gif cred belongs to @chillcrafting

“you have a package, y/n!” ghostbur called out just as you placed tommy’s breakfast in front of him. the ghoul’s words went completely ignored by tommy, whose gaze was solely focused on the beautiful stack of pancakes placed in front of him.

y/n smiled to herself. “you can bring it in, bur. i know who it’s from.” she shuffled syrup and butter over to tommy just as ghostbur came in with the fateful package.

tommy was already half way through scarfing down the stack of pancakes when y/n managed to open the package, ghostbur gazing over her shoulder. she took out a note set atop of the contents.

she read aloud, “y/n, i’m sorry i haven’t properly stopped by in a while. my work requires much of my undivided attention right now, which i’m sure you understand. please work your magic for me with the clothes included, and i will be sure to drop by for them and a meal soon. there are a few extra gifts included for you. i hope tommy isn’t burdening you. signed dream.”

“i’m not a burden!” tommy spoke offendedly through a mouthful of pancakes.

“you’re right, tommy,” y/n hummed, handing him a napkin to wipe some syrup off of his chin. “you’re perfect company.” tommy smiled to himself as he finished off his stack of pancakes. y/n sighed to herself, “clay really knows how to ruin a good piece of clothing..”

“so you and dream are close, y/n?” tommy grumbled, picking up his glass of milk.

she shrugged. “as close as you can be with someone you barely see.” she placed his battered clothes to the side, sighing again when she saw the rest of the contents of the box. tommy didn’t realize this, continuing with his questions.

“i remember that he respected your territory when he stepped into it,” he recalled. “he was going to kill me, but then he realized he was in neutral.”

y/n nodded. “when i made claimed this territory as neutral, i made a deal with everyone: i would mend and tailor anything you needed as long as you respected my territory as neutral.” she held up a box of diamonds and a smaller box of netherite to tommy’s view, making his mouth drop open with surprise. y/n held out another napkin to him for the milk that had sputtered out of his open mouth while ghostbur laughed into his hand. “clay is the only one who still tries to pay me.”

“with netherite?!” tommy exclaimed, letting out a surprised laugh.

y/n shrugged, seemingly not phased by the generous gift. “the nether..” she shook her head, placing the valuable materials onto the table, “is not a place i like to go. and most of this will probably be going toward dream’s armor, anyway.” she sighed, placing the gifts back into the box and laying the tattered shirts on top of them. “trust me, he’s still too kind for his own good with these sorts of materials.”

“how much netherite does that man have?” ghostbur scoffed, looking at how much was contained in the box.

“probably quadruple that amount,” y/n chuckled. “he has far too much free time.”

“and he doesn’t even spend it with you,” ghostbur sighed, shaking his head with a goofy smile.

“i know!” y/n spoke sarcastically before laughing out. she closed the box and set it under the table. “i’ll deal with that later. do you want any more pancakes, tommy?”

“no, i’m stuffed,” the teen yawned. “but thank you.”

she nodded. “well, then how about ghostbur shows you around the territory today?”

the boys perked up immediately. “really?”

“yeah,” she laughed, taking tommy’s empty plate. “you two can take the day to explore and have fun. go be a kid, kid.”

tommy excitedly looked up to his ghost friend. “fancy a game of ultimate tag?”

“you’re gonna get crushed,” ghostbur laughed before they both ran out of the house, laughing. y/n smiled.

“oh! i should make them lunch..”

...

“how big is this place?” tommy laughed after a few rounds of tag. they had found their way to a pond in a forested area, tommy deciding his knee needed a break after all of their running.

“it’s bigger than you think,” ghostbur assured, making sure to keep an appropriate distance from the water as they sat along the small shore. “y/n claimed the territory before l’manberg, so there really wasn’t any need for a turf war of any sorts for what she settled.”

“how long has she lived here?” tommy questioned.

ghostbur shrugged. “almost two years, i think. she’s made quite the life for herself since.” more to himself, he muttered, “god, has it really been that long since it happened?”

“since what happened?” tommy asked, leaning closer to his friend with sparkling, curious eyes.

ghostbur sighed, “i’ll admit, i don’t remember too much.. but i know there was a fight. one of the first wars of our time, and it was all over y/n.”

“they were fighting for her?” tommy spoke with confusion. “she’s not an object.”

“very good, tommy,” ghostbur prided, patting his friend on the shoulder. “you’re right, she’s not. that’s why y/n left her original home and sought to create neutral territory; to end the fighting and create a place where peace could reign. in exchange, she’d offer her goods and services.”

“so they were fighting over her for her skills,” tommy understood. ghostbur made a face. “..or not?”

“both sides obviously wanted her skills, but i think y/n tends to neglect the fact that they were all madly in love with her,” ghostbur sighed, shaking his head.

tommy raised his eyebrows. “a crime of passion, eh?” he joked, making them both laugh out before he asked, “who was it?”

“let me think,” ghostbur sighed, tapping his chin. “i know one was dream, but the other.. i think it was-”

“boys! lunch is ready when you are!”

tommy turned back to ghostbur. “well? who?”

ghostbur shook his head. “sorry, tommy, i don’t remember that far. that’s as much as i can tell you.”

tommy couldn’t help but fel disappointed, but he knew he couldn’t blame his friend. “that’s alright, ghostbur. let’s go get lunch before y/n comes looking for us.”

...

after lunch and an insistent rematch of tag, ghostbur and tommy made their way to the organized garden area.

“y/n grows anything you can imagine,” ghostbur bragged as tommy marveled as the fluorescent, beautifully natural area. “she’s been to nearly every biome to complete her garden.”

“you can grow cocoa?!” tommy exclaimed when he finally spotted y/n, who was swinging an axe at a low jungle tree.

“y/n found a way,” ghostbur shrugged, guiding tommy over to her. “hey, y/n!”

“hi, boys,” she smiled, plucking off the plant she had loosened from the tree. “was lunch good? im sorry i didn’t stay and chat.”

“it was delicious,” ghostbur complimented, tommy nodding in agreement as his mind drifted back to the mouth watering coleslaw and toasted sandwiches she had prepared.

“that’s good!” she smiled, placing the cocoa plant on the ground. “you boys may want to step back.” they did as told as y/n swung her axe over her head, splitting the cocoa clean in half and revealing the delicious beans inside of it. “voila!”

ghostbur clapped politely. “thank you,” y/n laughed, dropping her axe and picking up the split plant. “would you boys like a sample?”

“sure,” tommy shrugged, stepping forward with ghostbur. he picked out a few beans before popping them into his mouth. breaking through the semi-tough shell, the delicious, dark taste flooded his taste buds and made him nearly moan, as y/n’s food often did. he and ghostbur shared a look of satisfaction before he voiced, “oh, y/n.. they’re perfect.”

“that’s good,” she laughed before nudging her bucket closer to her and scooping the seeds out into it. “how has your day around the territory been?”

“entertaining,” tommy spoke before asking, “how did you get into gardening, y/n?”

y/n gave ghostbur a knowing smile before she answered the younger boy’s question, “i was tired of eating only meat and bread. gardening was a way to expand my diet to more than just carbs and proteins. also, it’s very calming.” they followed when she hiked up her bucket and moved to the next jungle tree.

“is it?” tommy questioned.

she affirmed with a nod. “it’s nice to be able to spend a day tending to things you made. the fruits of your own harvest are the sweetest, they say.” they watched as she knocked down another cocoa plant.

“they are,” tommy nodded solemnly, his mind drifting to a sadder, more familiar place. “that’s why i miss l’manberg.”

y/n was barely surprised by the boy’s open confession. she tossed her axe down again, going to place a hand on tommy’s shoulder. “i know you do, tommy, and i know it’s rough right now. but what we’re playing here is a waiting game; we’re waiting for a safe opportunity to get you home, and in the meantime, i’ll take care of you, kid.”

tommy offered you another nod and a smile. “we?”

y/n gave him a kind grin. “im going to help you as best as i can from where i am. and i know that’s not much from me, but i know that everyone deserves a home that they love. and you can’t get there alone, kid.”

“you’re right about that,” tommy sighed before looking into her kind eyes. “thank you, y/n. your help means a lot.”

she squeezed his shoulder. “of course, tommy. you and ghostbur go explore some more; try to keep your mind on the things you can control.” she picked her axe back up.

tommy looked to the pitying ghoul beside him before looking back to y/n, a new thought fresh in his mind. “can you teach me how to cook?”

y/n grinned as she lifted her axe over her head again. “of course i can, tommy.”

tommy smiled as she cracked open the plant. he looked back to ghostbur. “wanna go for a swim?” the ghost shot him a fearful look. “im kidding! im kidding, let’s go use some pigs for target practice.” they both began to walk off, chatting and giggling before tommy turned and called, “y/n!” she looked up attentively. “what’s for dinner?”

she smiled. “i was thinking ribs!”

tommy’s mouth watered at the thought. “oh my god, i can’t wait to learn how to cook..”

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