#AND GET FREE ... FEELS LIKE IVE GOT A WAR IN MY MIND I WANNA GET OFF BUT I KEEP RIDING THE RIDE CCRYINGGGGGG | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jazz-miester · 1 year

Note

Im in the mood to cry today so I’d like a Bayverse optimus prime x mech reader.. Who dies.

I WANNA CRY MY EYES OUTT. Author, give it all ya got. Make it hurt. Make it bleed. I KNOW I CANT HANDLE IT BUT IM A SUCKER FOR ANGSTTTT

IVE READ YOUR ANGST FICS AND IT HURTS SO BAD YET FEELS SO GOOD???😭😭😭

As always, FEEL FREE TO IGNORE. BAIIIII‼️‼️

Supernova

Pairing: Bayverse Optimus x Reader

Reader Type: Mech

Song: Mercury- Sleeping at last

Warnings: Angst. Character death.

An: I love the fact that this is like. The third bayverse Optimus request I got lol. And I'm glad that you like my stuff so much! Umm. I also lowkey cried while writing this. So uhh. Angst.

su·per·no·va

/ˈso͞opərˌnōvə/

noun

ASTRONOMY

a star that suddenly increases greatly in brightness because of a catastrophic explosion that ejects most of its mass.

It's the pain that hits him. Searing and all consuming that blooms over his frame. The it is gone just as quickly as it came. The feathered ends of the bond pulling away from his spark.

Optimus is sent reeling from the suddenness of it. An icy worry fill its empty place. This wasn't just the blocking of pain to keep the other from getting distracted. No.

No.

"Optimus! Y/n's been hit!" The Prime's frame moves before he even tells it to. There is a hollow ringing in his audio receptors. His mind here but not as he is running across the battlefield.

His men part and flood back into place behind him as he moves. The world nothing more than a blur around him in his desperatin to get to you.

"My spark. My spark please." Optimus calls out to you through the bond. Pushing back every bit of fear and worry just so he could hear you. He needs to hear you.

He needs you.

There is a frame on the metal earth. Energon spilled below it. Medics bow over the fallen frame. Calling and speaking to one another only the way another medic could.

It is Ironhide who lays a sprawling servo on his chassis. The old mech gently pushing back.

"Prime. Its." He could not finish. Didn't dare speak the words. He said nothing but gave Optimus a look that would haunt the Prime until the day he returned to the well. A look that did not suit the old war hardened mech.

Optimus was able to do little else but stare for the briefest of klicks. Unable to come to terms with what was about to be a devastating truth.

To lose ones sparkmate.

To lose the only other that knew your frame. Your mind. Your very soul and drive for life.

It meant a total loss of oneself when the other half passed. For when they were gone they took a piece of the livings ones spark with them. You are never truly whole after. And there will never be another who could fill its place.

Optimus stepped forward. Pushing away Ironhide's arm. He could see Chromia from the corner of his optic. The blue femme was shaking. Frame covered in energon not her own.

"Optimus. I. I'm sorry." Optimus turned towards her. "I tried but he,. He.he."

"That is all I could as for, my friend." Optimus was at your side now. The medics having moved away. Fluttering about your fallen frame and the Prime like a flock of startled cyber-birds.

"My spark." Optimus's voice was hollow. He fell to his knees beside you. Servo hovering over the wound on your chassis. Light from you spark was leaking through the jagged metal.

A cracked spark chamber. Fixable in any other circumstance. But to see another's light. Their very life. It.

"I am going to lose you My Spark." His voice strained. Broke. "I am going to lose you." Optimus drew you into his arms. One rested beneath your shoulders. His servo cradling your helm. Holding it close to his own bleeding spark.

"I am sorry." Optimus could barely hear you. Your normally tenor voice, nearly a sing song at time when you spoke, was gone. The life of it pulled away just as you were doing now.

"I didn't see them." Your servo followed a shaking arc to the one cradling your helm. "I didn't see them." You repeated. Curling your digits around Optimus's.

"There is no need. Do not apologize.I" For the first time in a long long while. Optimus was at a loss for words.

For what words could one speak as the one they loved laid dying in their arms?

There is none. And that is the grief of it all.

"I need you My Spark. I need you." The tears fell and around them the others moved. Turning their backs to give the Prime time to grieve. To keep them both safe as the war raged around them.

"I know my love. I know." You sputtere and energon fell past your lips. The light of your spark grew brighter.

Optimus sobbed. Grieved. Cried out to all those who would listen.

"You can not leave. I will not allow it." Optimus brushed away the energon at your lips. His chin trembling as he took in your flickering Optics. "I am Prime! You can't. You can't." Optimus rocked.

You took his servo. Pressed a kiss to his knuckles. Then cradled it above your chassis. Above your dying spark.

"Oh Optimus. You are Prime. But you are no god. No even you can pull back the strings of fate."Optimus's helm fell over your chassis. Desperate to feel the warmth of your spark one last time. He cried and rocked with you in his arms. Broken voice pleading for you to stay just a bit longer.

"My love let me rest. Return my frame to Cybertron." You pressed your helm to him. "But know that I will always be with you. My spark will always be with yours." Optimus turned his helm. Pressed his lips to the crown of your helm

"Optimus I will be with you in this life and the next. My soul will follow yours no matter where this life finds you." There was a surge of energy as your spark grew closer to failure. The volatile ball of energy searching for a way out. "And I will be waiting upon your return to the well. Promise me though. That you will life a long life. A happy one. And make memories for me."

There was the final surge of energy. Your optics over bright and your chassis glowed a brilliant hue. Blinding the Prime in your death.

You frame slackened. Helm spilling away from the Primes chassis. Wit it the final break in his spark. The total and complete loss. Torn smoothly and harshly away.

"I promise."

He felt nothingness without you there.

Optimus cried out. Yelling until his vocalizer broke and gave way to silence. Even then he grieved. Heml buried into you. Frame shaking and trembling as the bond dissipated. He cursed the name of Primus then Unicron.

Then spat on the name of Megatron for good measure.

Tenderly. Gently. Optimus lifted your frame for the last time. He laid your rapidly greying frame on a stretcher the medics supplied. Then turned towards Chromia.

"Who." It was curt. Hollow. Devoid of any feeling.

"Optimus." She spoke.

"Who, Chromia." The energon you spilled had not yet dried on his servos.

"Prime. We cannot, in any sensible-" Optimus cut Ironhide off.

"I do not care Ironhide. They took my sparkmate from me. And I will kill them all. "

#Maccadam #optimus prime x reader #bayverse optimus prime #Bayverse optimus prime x reader #Optimus prime #Ask #anon #angst #character death

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devinetheory-2 · 2 years

Text

Her psalms take flight in me

She has absolutely no idea....

I confide in her

Silently.

Reminded of a bond

formed at twilight

after decoding the lines

from her minds

diary,

like interviewing a vampire

Her eyes like...

tiny

Hungry

campfires

that shine on me.

She carves her story

through the landscape of my mind

Tirelessly...

Somewhere inside

she desires

A love so strong

it could break the ties

that bind her

and reverse the spell

that's designed

the very fabric of a mind

that she doesn't realize

inspires me...

Indecisively

and sometimes violently

Casting shadows on the light

That used to shine so vibrantly

Illuminating Deep

into my leviathan

where hope

and childlike wonder

was once alive in me...

I used to dream

the dream of kings

Of a queen

that would breathe me back to life

letting the fire

she ignited in my mind

attempt to purify me

while I sleep

and I would survive

and be renewed entirely...

And I would awaken

In spite of all the times

I didn't see a way out alive

and maybe didn't want to die

But wanted a better life

In spite of all

I've ever tried to be...

And everyone

that's ever

lied to me...

And all the hurt and pain

From all the mistakes

I've ever made

from just trying to maintain

would die...

expiring delightfully

And finally

I could sigh relief

Footsteps down a dark hallway

Echoing melancholy

Seeds of anger

And oh Ive been suffering

from mental realness

Bleed your passion

Dont conceal it...

But stop giving it for free..

...Promise me

And I'm not promising that

You'll thank me later

As we're waltzing around

In my mind

Until the time

I return to my cryogenic chamber

Frozen tidal waves

Of Psilocybin danger

Wanna know

how I got these scaaars?.... (Joker Voice)

....I tried to tame her...

Thrilled

when I'm in danger

Uncomfortable and undone

Because I'm safer.

Get in my rocket

Let's make love in the cockpit

And then war

just because it's toxic...

Oh... how I miss the Chaotic

Hide from my fears

Living a nightmare

I'd pay top stock

to stop quick

Familiar but obnoxious

Illegitimate process

God's Prophet

With a God complex

Unshakable feeling

That im gonna drop next

Stressed tf out

cuz I can't show

reasonable progress

And I can't read the lick

And I keep getting hit

Cuz nobody is honest...

Hustle harder listen more

and talk less

Professional help

With an ominous context

and you want more content...

But I am but a victim

indifferent to stop it.

I don't architect this shit

You're reading my vomit

As the demons that hunted

me so feverishly

with bloodlust passion

And no plans to stop

Rush thru my door

Because I invited you in...

And you forgot to lock it....

- Devine Theory

#writerscreed #13cupsofteareblog #writeonworld #writeblrcafe #writeblrina #spilled poetry #offshorewritings #offshorepoetry #smittenbypoetry

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one-boring-person · 3 years

Note

You forced this upon yourself😂 you forced this rambo simp.(and i dont mind)

Okay this may not be as good! But! Im giving you the liberty to take it where you want!(because i love your little details and how you express the feeling in your writing i- AH! Its great. I cant say it enough, it’s great. I mean it.)

How about Rambo finally getting enough courage to show The rancher around the tunnels, in a date sort of way!(they don’t know thats actually where he lives. Aka that photo i showed you before.) i really saw how the rancher was so happy to have him at their house, I’d love to see rambos side of scheduling a house tour and date type deal!! Maybe him even sitting and showing the rancher through all his old photos, and them just in awe because wow. He’s so much cooler than they even thought! He just so nervous and surprised seeing them so interested in him after all this time alone, and them just- in awe of him.

( i also really think it would be funny seeing rambo go through his friends house and seeing-“why the hell you have so many plants???” And just. Adorable assassin living with a wholesome and loving hardworking s/o)

Ah! Im sorry if that’s not as good!! But hey, you feel free to describe their antics and relationship as you will!!

I think I may have run a bit with this, but I hope you like it regardless!😊💛

I've Got Your Back, You've Got Mine.

John Rambo (Rambo IV/V) x reader

Warnings: mention of death, mention of war, mention of injury, mention of PTSD, mention of violence, (possible flash warning for gif?)

Masterlist

The heavy knock on the door surprises me where I'm sitting, the sharp sound snapping me from my thoughts. Looking over at it from my position at the table, I frown and set down my spoon, standing to go answer, unsure of who it is: I'm not expecting anyone today. Colt looks up from his place on the floor, the dog just as curious as I am as to whom it may be, though he doesn't bark, so it must be someone we know. He watches me as I cross the room, going straight to the door.

Opening it, I'm somewhat surprised to see my neighbour, John, standing there, a tentative smile on his face as he looks me over appreciatively, his gaze drawing a blush to my face.

"Mornin' (Y/n)." He greets, rough voice friendly as he waits for me to let him in.

"Morning John." I smile back, delighted to see him, "What can I do for you?"

I step back, waiting for him to enter, which he does so with a nod of thanks.

"Since when have I needed a reason to see you?" The veteran chuckles, the sound reverberating within me, my brain subconsciously storing the action away for later recall. Gently, John moves into my space, one hand coming to lightly rest on my hips as the other cups my face, drawing me in for a slow kiss.

Kissing back, I feel a glow of happiness flare up in me at this contact: he's never really one to initiate touch like this, so it's a whole lot more intimate when he does. Relaxed, I loosely wrap my arms around his neck, languidly caressing his dark hair as our lips move together.

Being the killjoy he often loves to be, Colt pushes in between us, nosing at John's leg, tail wagging enthusiastically as he recognises the familiar man, the dog as fond of his company as I am. Chuckling, John and I pull apart, looking down at the large canine between us, the dark eyes staring up at us imploring us to pay attention to him. Still smiling, John lowers a hand to scratch Colt's head, ruffling his floppy ears a little as the dog instantly allows his mouth to hang open, tongue lolling in content.

"Hey, Colt." The veteran greets, biting back a laugh as the dog pushes me out of the way, nudging at John's stomach.

"He never gets that excited to see me." I complain jokingly, standing back to watch the two interact, a smile playing at my lips.

"Sure he does." John replies, eyes fixing on mine with an expression of fondness, one that had me weak at the knees.

"He really doesn't, he just sits in the corner and whines at me until I feed him. Isn't that right?" I address the dog himself, giving him a light slap on the rear, his ridiculous height meaning I can quite easily reach it, "Anyhow, did you need something? Or did you just come here to kiss me? I can't say I'll complain if that's the case."

Cheekily, I wink at the veteran, leaning back against a nearby counter.

"As nice as that sounds, it's not the reason I came by." He chuckles, blushing lightly, "Though that does sound good."

Grinning, I nod my agreement, only now taking in his body language: he's nervous. His hands fidget, rubbing his fingers over scars and lines on his palms, and he shifts from foot to foot every now and then, small tells he's never quite managed to hide from me.

"Is something up?" I ask him, slightly more serious this time, unnerved by his discomfort.

"No, no, not at all. I, err, well, I just wanted to ask you something." He rubs the back of his neck, head tilted to the side as he regards me, dark eyes fixed on mine.

"Ok, go for it." I prompt him, curiosity sparking my interest.

"Well, do you wanna come to mine? I mean properly, like in the house." John cocks his head to the side, lowering his arm again.

Blinking, I feel shock flood my system, before it turns to unbelievable happiness that he's trusting me enough to come into his private space. Initially, I can't find the right words, somehow struggling to respond, until I find my tongue again.

"I would love to, John." I agree, features lighting up as my mood brightens, "There's nothing I've really got to do today except train up one of the younger horses, so I've got as long as you want after that."

"Great. Is four o'clock alright?" The veteran smiles broadly, though he still looks somewhat nervous.

"Yeah, should be. I'll be there." I promise him, taking up my Stetson from the table as I briefly turn away to put away the plate I was using, having lost my appetite in my sudden excitement.

"I'll get it tidy." He says, looking around the room again, "I'll never understand why you have so many plants in your house. It's like a damn jungle."

At his comment, I laugh loudly, glancing around at the variety of different houseplants I have placed on various shelves, the greenery practically covering every available surface.

"Because it's way too dry to grow anything like this outside all the time. Anyway, they look nice." I shrug, calling Colt to my side as I follow John from the house, grabbing my jacket from the hook as I pass.

"But why so many?"

Once again, I shrug, following him over to a nearby post, where he's hitched Bandit, the horse I gave him a few months ago. The buckskin stallion paws at the ground, his pale coat looking as clean as ever even as he noses at the dust, the dark colouring around his eyes (the reason for his name) and legs standing out much more in the bright sun. As we approach, he looks up, snorting in greeting.

"He's looking good." I acknowledge, admiring the strong stallion appreciatively - I had reared Bandit from a foal, before I had given him to the veteran as a gift four months ago, hoping it will help him to grow his own ranch. My plan had worked, and John now has four horses, including Bandit, as well as a couple of other animals, such as a cow, a pig and five chickens. I'd sold him a couple of goats as well, but we soon found out that John and goats just didn't get along. At all.

"Yeah, he's doing well, too. Takes the training very well, too." John runs a hand through the stallion's dark mane, untying the reins.

"That's good. Reckon he'll be ready for a competition soon?"

"Should be."

Snorting again, Bandit pulls at the reins, clearly eager to get going, especially as Colt moves up to sniff at the horse's back legs. I quickly whistle him over, knowing Bandit has always been shifty around the dog.

"I'll see you at four then." I finally say, unwilling to say goodbye, even if it is only for a few hours.

"Yeah, see you then." John smiles, leaning in to kiss me again, keeping it brief this time, leaving me wishing for more, as he always does.

"See ya." I grin, watching him climb into the saddle, still somehow fluid in doing so despite his age.

Gathering the reins in hand, John adjusts himself in the saddle, before he smiles down at me again as he gently urges Bandit into motion. Obediently, the stallion moves into a swift trot, which turns into a faster canter as the two move off down the driveway, heading towards the split in the fence separating our land. I watch as they go, still finding myself enraptured by the sight of the muscular man sat astride the horse, Colt eventually snapping me from my mind as he barks at me. Shaking my head, I follow him towards the stable.

Hours later, having showered and cleaned up, I feel a sense of relief go through me as I hoist myself into the saddle secured into place on Leo's back. It's relaxing, the stallion beneath me more relaxed than the youngster I've been trying to train all day: she never gave me a break. Seemingly sensing this, as he always does, Leo flicks his ears back and nickers softly, very lightly pawing the ground as I give him a pat on the neck, glad to have a more reliable horse taking me where I need to be.

Tilting back my Stetson, I take the reins in hand and ease the stallion into a trot, intending to let him pick up his own pace, my trust in this horse far greater than in the mare from before. Obediently, Leo moves into the correct gait, the two of us moving as if as one, years of riding together having made it easy for us to become in tune with each other. Together, we start off down the road towards John's ranch, the new path we've created beaten and well-used, allowing for relatively easy riding. Leo's hooves pound the dry ground rhythmically, my hips moving in time with his every stride, the relaxing movement helping to calm the nerves that have sprung up inside me.

A part of me is still unconvinced about going into John's home. Yes, I had helped him rebuild it and had seen very little of the inside rooms, but it still feels as if I'm intruding upon the veteran's safe space, his reprieve from the cruelty of the world he lives in. Something about that doesn't sit right with me, but I tell myself it's John's decision to make, not mine, so I should trust him, which I do, wholeheartedly.

I'm still torn by the time I reach the main house, where John is already sat waiting for me in his rocking chair, dark eyes fixed on me as I approach. Lifting a hand to him, I smile and slow Leo to a halt, praising the horse as I climb down, the gray stallion nosing affectionately at me. Swiftly, I tie him to a nearby post, only to stop when John calls out to me.

"Put him in the stable for the night." He instructs me, gesturing for me to follow him as I try to fight back the sudden onslaught of racing thoughts at his implications: he wants me to stay the night?

"Sure, thanks." I smile back at him, walking after him with Leo in tow.

"Don't worry about it. It's not fair on him if he has to stay out all night." John waves me off with a short grin, "How'd training go?"

I groan.

"Not great. That horse has it in for me, I swear." I complain, rubbing at my arm, remembering the moment I got the new bruise forming there.

"Oh yeah?" He muses, looking amused.

"Yeah. She threw me off eight times!"

"Eight times? Wow, must be a new record." The veteran jokes, something that stirs up the familiar fondness inside me at his more personable behaviour.

"I reckon so. Painful one to set, though, I'll tell you." I remark, smiling broadly as we enter the stable, where I quickly house Leo next to Bandit, removing his tack and other gear.

"Must be." John watches me work, leaning against the door to the large building, muscular arms crossed over an equally muscular chest. Turning back to him, I have to stop and admire the bulging of his biceps as his hands grip his forearms, the veins I've come to love laying out a pattern on the tanned limbs. Everytime I see them, I imagine his strong arms wrapped around me, holding me safe and secure against his solid body, wishing I could feel his hands splayed against me more often.

"Like what you see?" John interrupts my thoughts, voice teasing as he lifts an eyebrow at me, almost smirking at me.

Blushing furiously, I avert my gaze, lifting a hand to gently tap the brim of my Stetson out of my vision.

"You know I do." I laugh nervously, before I look back up at him, "Anyway, since when do you use pickup lines?"

"Since I figured out they get you all flustered." His playful tone is new to me, though it's gone almost as soon as I see it, his guarded expression falling back into place as he returns within himself, probably thinking he overstepped some invisible boundary.

I still can't help stammering for a response, his gruff tone awakening something within me.

"Heh, I guess you're right." I stutter, going over to him.

Nodding, he keeps his expression straight, leading me out back to the house, where he quickly welcomes me inside.

"I tried to tidy it as much as possible, but it's still a bit messy." The veteran apologises, observing the interior of his home critically, even as I do so in awe.

The rooms, from what I can see, are mostly filled with sparse furniture, a few chairs here and there, an old sofa, a couple of vanities and dressers, with a mantlepiece in most, if not all, of them. He hasn't used much colour, but what he has used is tasteful and works well with the overall appearance. The walls, however, are what really draw me into the place.

They are littered with photographs and memorabilia, frames and objects cleaned and polished so they shine brightly in the afternoon sun, many smiling faces visible in them. Curious, I go over to one wall, looking over the array of pictures, which I now recognise to be images of John and his friends from the years he spent here. Amongst them is a creased black and white photo of a young John sat astride a horse not unlike Bandit, a broad grin on the boy's face as he stares at the camera from under a mop of thick black hair. I can feel a small smile creep onto my face at the sight of the veteran looking so happy and carefree, something I've not seen very much of at all in my time around him.

"That was my first horse, Hector. I had him until I left for the army." John says from behind me, sounding somewhat quiet, eyes softened from nostalgia as he stares at the picture along with me, "I loved him a lot, but my father always said he wasn't good enough."

His words hang in the air as I stay speechless, listening intently to what he's saying to me: it's the first I'm hearing about his life before he came here again.

"What happened to him? Hector, I mean." I ask him quietly, tearing my eyes away to look up at John.

The veteran shrugs, appearing somewhat remorseful.

"I'll never know, but I reckon my father sold him as soon as I was gone."

"Oh." I frown, glancing back at the photograph.

"The horse was getting old by that time, though. He probably wasn't much use." John chuckles wryly, moving away towards the stairs nearby, "Do you want to see upstairs?"

"Yeah, sure." I nod, following him as he ascends to the second floor, which I now see consists of three different rooms.

He takes me to the farthest, opening the door to reveal an old study, which looks as if it hasn't been used in a good few years.

"This was my father's study, where he did all his business. I was never allowed in here as a kid." John sweeps his arm around the room, staying by the threshold, as if abiding by a rule that no longer exists, "Not that I go in here that much as an adult."

I look around, finding the neat area interesting: images of a young John hovering by the door, waiting for his father to finish business entering my head.

"It's nice, I like it." I remark, turning to find him smiling very slightly at me.

"It's the only room in the house that's exactly as it used to be. I haven't had time to do up the others properly." John says, leaving the study and going back down the hall, where he opens the other two doors to reveal a bathroom and an empty room.

A dull curiosity flares up within me as I realise one thing about the top floor, but I easily find a solution to it, following John back down the stairs. As we go, however, I realise that my assumption is wrong, as the only other rooms down here are missing the one thing I'd expect in any house.

"Where do you sleep? I haven't seen a bed or anything anywhere." I ask him, cocking my head to the side as he takes me to one final door.

"I'm gonna show you." He smiles at me, before he opens the door.

I blink as I see the dark steps descending into the ground, unease biting at my throat as I flash John a hesitant look. A cool draft wafts up from the black depth, but John only chuckles and moves down into the space below, gesturing for me to follow.

"It's perfectly safe, don't worry." He calls to me, a light flickering on as he reaches the bottom of the steps, illuminating the path to me.

Swallowing, I gingerly step down the stairs, emerging into a tunnel of sorts, my curiosity piqued as I take in the chiselled walls around me, the rock cast in an odd light from the naked bulbs positioned along the length of the cavern. Struts of wood hold the ceiling steady, wiring hanging off of them in places where he's had to hastily put it all together. John watches as I take in the passage, a thoughtful look in place on his face.

"What is this place?" I wonder aloud, still taken aback by the oddity of having a tunnel beneath the house that stretches off in both directions.

"This is my safe space." The veteran informs me, urging me along with him as we go further into the tunnel, walking together for a minute before we emerge out into a larger room of sorts, which is well lit.

My eyes widen as I realise exactly what he means.

The room acts as his bedroom and bathroom, and also has space to sit and relax, the whole area having a homely feel to it. What was missing in the rooms in the house can be found down here, including more photographs, though these ones seem different to the others. They adorn the walls, all except one, which is decorated with a variety of weapons, both guns and knives. Going over to it, I look over the rifles and shotguns hooked onto the wall, struck speechless as I then turn my attention to a machete, the blade honed but chipped from use, seemingly out of place as it hangs beside another, smaller hunting knife.

Moving on, I regard the photographs, only now realising that they're military pictures, many of them containing images of a youthful John in fatigues and uniform. A smile creeps back onto my lips as I feel my eyes land on a particular image of a group of men, where I can see John standing amongst them, a triumphant grin on his face, long locks of dark hair held back by a strip of fabric around his head. The others also smile, though there's something bittersweet about the inscription at the corner of the photo: Baker Team, Vietnam. As I look past the other pictures, I notice that the team slowly dwindles, beaming faces becoming drawn and solemn, eventually just leaving two people behind. Beneath this image is another inscription: Baker Team Survivors.

"That was my team in 'Nam." John says suddenly, voice husky as he remembers the friends he had, "None of them made it back. Not really."

Eyes wide, I look back at him, taking in the distant look in his own eyes, the barely concealed grief still raw in his expression as he stares at the photographs. Noticing my gaze, John gestures for me to come sit on the edge of his bed with him, the veteran pulling another photograph from it's place on his bedside table. Doing so, I make sure I'm not touching him, but am close enough to reassure him, waiting patiently for him to start talking of his own accord, knowing that this is a sensitive subject for him.

After a moment, he starts, his voice low as he pulls me into his stories, taking me through suffocating jungles and blistering heats, through recon and rescue missions, through bloody gunfights and hellfire, through hours spent in torturous situations. He puts me in his shoes as he loses every single member of his team to the gruesome fight he should never have fought, the harrowing grief and pain of letting go of a comrade, someone who's supposed to be by your side for as long as the two of you can stay alive, laid bare for me to see and experience. And even as he moves on, back to familiar territory in the States, the fight never leaves him.

Facing harassment in what should be his safety and security, I can feel every bit of betrayal, of anger and grief that he felt as he is let down by his own country time after time, used again and again by the authorities to do their dirty work, only to be cast aside when it doesn't go their way, the old catchphrase he once lived by, "I've got your back, you've got mine" completely meaningless in this hollow life. His disgust in humanity is plain to me as he outlines his most recent forays into warfare, where the rage he felt is once again transferred to me, and I experience the violent need to take out the parasites in the world that destroy anything good that he did. It's as if I'm there with him, through everything, his description and memories so vivid they chill me to the core, keeping me hooked on his every word.

After a long while, he eventually trails off, and I realise there's a tear rolling down his cheek, his body shaking a little as he holds himself back. My heart breaking, I have to fight the urge to reach out and pull him into an embrace, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. I place my hand on his shoulder instead, rubbing the tight muscles soothingly until he looks up at me with the most heart-rending gaze I've ever seen in my life. At that point, my resolve breaks.

Carefully, I lean in and wrap my arms around his shoulders, pulling the veteran towards me. He goes willingly, sobs wracking his body as he wraps his own hands around me, burying his face into my neck, tears flowing freely now as he lets himself go, each pained sound agonising to hear. Tightening my grip, I lay back onto the bed, allowing him to press his body around me, holding me against his muscular form as I rub his back, whispering soothing things to him as his breathing starts to calm a little. It takes time, but eventually he starts to relax, body going limp as he lays in my arms, his larger form awkwardly wrapped around mine as he depresses his face into the crook of my neck.

I barely hear his broken voice as he whispers to me.

"Thank you."

Breathing in his familiar scent, I just mould myself closer, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead as he does the same to my neck.

"I'm here for you, John. I'm here, and I'll never leave. Not as long as I live, I promise."

#rambo x reader #rambo imagine #rambo #rambo 5 #rambo last blood #rambo 4 #sylvester Stallone #John Rambo x reader #John Rambo imagine #John Rambo

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fruiitycas · 3 years

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Hello, I would love to know about the dtscu; can you please enlighten me? ❤️️

oh of course i love spreading the good word of our lord taylor swift. the dtscu refers to the “destiel taylor swift cinematic universe” and is a collection of songs that ms swift has written that I think directly apply to destiel (its okay ms swift i saw your lyrics you can come out as a destiel shipper). i also tag destiel edits that use taylor swift songs/lyrics to make a whole collection of works that ppl have made that combine t swift w destiel.

this is the link to the playlist with all the destiel songs in my dtscu. (more details under the cut)

some notable additions to the playlist:

dont blame me (Echoes, love your name inside my mind / Halo, hiding my obsession // baby, for you, I would fall from grace / Just to touch your face // Don't blame me, love made me crazy / If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right / Lord, save me, my drug is my baby / I’d be usin' for the rest of my life)

peace (And you know that I'd swing with you for the fences / Sit with you in the trenches / Give you my wild, give you a child / Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other / Family that I chose now that I see your brother as my brother / Is it enough? / ‘Cause there's robbers to the east, clowns to the west / I’d give you my sunshine, give you my best / But the rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me / But I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm / If your cascade ocean wave blues come / All these people think love's for show / But I would die for you in secret / The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me / Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?)

false god (Remember how I said I'd die for you? // They say the road gets hard and you get lost when you're led by blind faith // But we might just get away with it / Religion's in your lips / Even if it's a false god / We'd still worship / We might just get away with it / The altar is my hips / Even if it's a false god / We'd still worship this love)

sparks fly

safe and sound

ivy (How's one to know? / I’d meet you where the spirit meets the bones In a faith forgotten land / In from the snow / Your touch brought forth an incandescent glow Tarnished but so grand // Oh, goddamn / My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand / Taking mine, but it's been promised to another / Oh, I can't / Stop you putting roots in my dreamland / My house of stone, your ivy grows / And now I'm covered in you // How's one to know? / I’d live and die for moments that we stole / On begged and borrowed time // it's a war / It's the goddamn fight of my life / And you started it / You started it)

this love (In silent screams / In wildest dreams / I never dreamed of this // This love is good / This love is bad / This love is alive back from the dead / These hands had to let it go free, and This love came back to me / This love left a permanent mark / This love is glowing in the dark / These hands had to let it go free, and This love came back to me)

cowboy like me (You're a bandit like me / Eyes full of stars / Hustling for the good life / Never thought I'd meet you here / It could be love / We could be the way forward / And I know I'll pay for it / And the skeletons in both our closets / Plotted hard to mess this up // Now you hang from my lips Like the Gardens of Babylon / With your boots beneath my bed / Forever is the sweetest con / I’ve had some tricks up my sleeve / Takes one to know one / You're a cowboy like me / And I'm never gonna love again / I’m never gonna love again)

there are also notable subsections:

The Divorce Arc:

i wish you would (I wish you would come back / Wish I'd never hung up the phone like I did / I wish you knew that / I’d never forget you as long as I'd live / And I wish you were right here, right now It's all good / I wish you would / I wish we could go back / And remember what we were fighting for / Wish you knew that / I miss you too much to be mad anymore)

my tears ricochet (I didn't have it in myself to go with grace / ‘Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave / And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? / Cursing my name, wishing I stayed / Look at how my tears ricochet / And I can go anywhere I want / Anywhere I want, just not home / And you can aim for my heart, go for blood / But you would still miss me in your bones / And I still talk to you when I'm screaming at the sky)

i almost do (And I just wanna tell you / It takes everything in me, not to call you / And I wish I could run to you / And I hope / you know that every time I don't / I almost do)

all you had to do was stay

death by a thousand cuts

story of us (This is looking like a contest / Of who can act like they care less / But I liked it better when you were on my side // Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room / And we're not speaking / And I'm dying to know / Is it killing you like it's killing me? // And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now)

the other side of the door (tell me why you couldn't see That when I left I wanted you to chase after me? / I said leave but all I really want is you / To stand outside my window, throwing pebbles, screaming I'm in love with you / Wait there in the pourin' rain, come back for more / And don't you leave 'cause I know all I need is on The other side of the door)

come back…be here (this is when the feeling sinks in, I dont wanna miss you like this / Come back… be here)

The Widower arc/ Post 15x18:

haunted ( I know, I just know You're not gone, you can't be gone, no // Come on, come on, don't leave me like this / I thought I had you figured out / Can't breathe whenever you're gone / Can't go back, I'm haunted / You and I walk a fragile line / I have known it all this time)

marjorie (What died didn't stay dead / You're alive, you're alive in my head / What died didn't stay dead // You're alive, so alive // If I didn't know better / I’d think you were still around / I know better / But I still feel you all around / I know better / But you're still around)

Cas to Dean:

tied together with a smile (no one knows / That you cry; but you don't tell anyone / That you might not be the golden one / And you're tied together with a smile / But you're coming undone // I guess it's true that love was all you wanted / ‘Cause you're givin' it away like it's extra change / Hoping it will end up in his pocket)

innocent (Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything / And everybody believed in you? / It's alright, just wait and see / Your string of lights is still bright to me / Oh, who you are is not where you've been / You're still an innocent // Did some things you can't speak of / But at night you live it all again)

enchanted (This is me praying that this was the very first page / Not where the story line ends / My thoughts will echo your name, until I see you again / These are the words I held back, as I was leaving too soon/ I was enchanted to meet you)

everything has changed (all ive seen since 18 hrs ago is green eyes and freckles and your smile in the back of my mind making me feel like i just wanna know you better now)

mirrorball(Hush / I know they said the end is near / But I'm still on my tallest tiptoes / Spinning in my highest heels, love / Shining just for you // I'm still a believer but I don't know why / I've never been a natural / All I do is try, try, try / I’m still on that trapeze / I’m still trying everything / To keep you looking at me )

Dean to Cas:

untouchable (I know you're saying / That you'd be here / But you're Untouchable / burning Brighter than the sun / Now that you're close / I feel like coming undone)

mine (You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded / You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes // Do you remember, we were sittin' there, by the water? / You put your arm around me, for the first time / You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter / You are the best thing, that's ever been mine )

state of grace (So you were never a saint / And I've loved in shades of wrong / We learn to live with the pain / Mosaic broken hearts / But this love is brave and wild / And I never saw you coming / And I'll never be the same)

this is me trying (This is very specifically The Trap!Dean) (Pulled the car off the road to the lookout / Could've followed my fears all the way down / And maybe I don't quite know what to say / But I'm here in your doorway / I just wanted you to know / That this is me trying / I just wanted you to know / That this is me trying / They told me all of my cages were mental / So I got wasted like all my potential / And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad / I have a lot of regrets about that)

the archer (Combat, I'm ready for combat / I say I don't want that, but what if I do? / ‘Cause cruelty wins in the movies / I’ve got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you // And all of my heroes die all alone / Help me hold onto you / I've been the archer / I’ve been the prey / Screaming, who could ever leave me, darling? / But who could stay? // Who could stay? / You could stay)

#ask #theirprofoundbond #dtscu #destiel

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smallestclowninthecircus · 3 years

Text

Season 4 notes

Ep 121: mmmm tape recorder turning on without them knowing goes brrr. AAAhjhdsjfhjdf "do you mind if i call you jon" its like "can i call you elias?" is this the dream guy with the tendrils? who wants to bet the boat is captained by peter lukas? big man if it killed yall how are you still here. oh boy the tape is doin that thing. who do we think it is? did he wake up? hmm. ep 122: lol jon. 6 months!?!? bruh quit movin big man. he just Knows things sometimes you know how it is. nah b/c i can relate to feeling like other ppl/ things arent real, thats the biggest mood BUT i think it is kinda pretentious to entertain the idea that youre the only Real person. If you dont see a body dont believe it. i'll hold out hope for a bit. theres not a new archivist is there? surely i wouldve heard about that. oh god peter what changes did you make. ep 123: web development. hope its about spiders. she blames him. bruh why. if they hadnt done anything the world would've ended piss off melanie. why are ppl acting like he chose to be in a coma for 6 months. we know this they just appear. no longer "head archivist of the magnus institute, london" now he's just "the archivist" covered in spiders? cuz ik the spider has to do with controlling what youre doing and all this stuff but i cant think of how this connects to that. ep 124: ugh vertigo. is michael crew an old man? oooh. fairchild. how did he know it was martin? hmm. GRR I LOST MY NOTES AGAIN. FROM EPISODE 125 - part of 131. ep 131: bruh he's so hard to understand big man ur voice is so low. Jared Hotworth. the boneturner. "the ones i helped find their proper bodies" name a better top surgeon? our favorite trans ally? ep 132: woo field trip into the coffin! static lol. he says "chill out im just poppin in for a quick recall mission" is the rib thing actually gonna work? bruh it feels so odd and contrived but he's an odd man with some odd powers so idk. rip that archivist ayyy statement time. voices? recordings? are those tape recorders? was it the tape recorders? did they pull him back? i hope so b/c if the rib thing actually worked im gonna be so disappointed. ep 133: predicting the lonely? tundra. like the lukases. hmm. sanikova! like sanikov land. so its the hunt? i suppose? yeah. so daisy's clearly rejecting the hunt, which makes sense cuz she doesnt seem to like the entities that much. wait so are we just not gonna talk abt all the tapes playing on the ground?? no? ep 134: not an archival assistant anymore? Adelard Decker (or however you spell it) i recognize that name. 15th power. i was right there are 15. the extinction? im trying to remember what ive heard. oooh spooky. no i gotta be real i dont understand this fear but i'll believe you that its a thing. ew lukas is so squealy. lukas can turn invisible? oh boy. oooh martin put the tape recorders there. lol lukas is worried he's gonna be an avatar of the eye. ep 135: yoo its the third Daedalus statement! maxwell rayner (reiner? reigner?) i dont know who that is but ik its somebody. is he the cult leader guy? church of the divine host? 4 people?? what? did they kidnap somebody and keep them up there?? oh dear jon are you dying? did he try to See or Know or whatever? why does everyone call basira detective lol. ep 136: he was the one from the spider movie that ate ppl right? the special effects artist? is it annabelle cane? "its a joke jon" lol. hmm they wanted to record the therapy session with melanie? i wonder who that is. i almost wanna guess annabelle cane but im not sure. ep 137: this is the one! he went to the other place and read the war statement but it wasnt the one she took. not the music again. sounds like the slaughter. who the heck is eric lol. "the watcher's crown" like the crown of eyes we saw in the piccrew ep 138: oh boy Robert Smirk time. is that elias? as unhelpful as usual. if new powers can be "born" can others die out? did jonah magnus wear the watchers crown? maybe they were born from our fear or maybe our fears were born from them. ceaseless watcher does ceaselessly watch so. idk what you want

big man. yeah jonah for sure did something. ep 139: agnes!! lol that one dude threw off all their plans thats so funny. BUT this does tell us something. the tree in the backyard of the hilltop house? not made by her. it going down didnt kill agnes. im guessing gertrude tied agnes to the house using the tree? u good jon? cuz every time you try to Know smth intentionally it seems like it causes you great pain. how come he can do it accidentally with no problem but the second he wants to know smth of plot relevance he gets a headache or whatever ep 140: lol pagan exultation. classic. "oh thats my rib" lmaoo. ppl are always so mad at jon and his Eye powers except when it benefits them. they're like "oh you shouldnt do that its not right" and then all of a sudden they want to know something and its all "oh cmon jon its the only way" ep 142: oh god jon what did you do. its interesting she's giving her statement in the way that they do when jon Asks. did he see her in the Coffin? and so he's following her? ok cmon jon you're supposed to let them come to you. lmao ikr martin. "start to hear the blood" "suure." lmao ep 143: lol that awkward moment when gertrude is already dead. big J if you die im gonna kill you. bruh. ayo helen? i guess it worked? ep 144: lol this reminds me of that one edgar allan poe story where he kills the old dude with the weird eye. spooky music stuff. lol thats my favorite symptom of a heart attack its hilarious. so its smth abt the location probably? bro i feel like you should write down the numbers idk. 162830165049 564846474827. seems like the distortion? like the kinda thing that causes you to go crazy because of the numbers. oh boy is it the extinction again. bro what?? im?? his dad just died and he's like eh. martin dont be mean. he's being all lonely again. big man ur pushing ppl away. oh god its fucking squealy boy. ep 145: that almost sounds like breekon/hope... Arthur? agnes. aah was he from the lightless flame cult. a tree. lol he's just ranting rn. hehehe fuck landlords amirite. yay someone tells jon outright to go to therapy. now do it big man. ep 146: oh great! the distortion! i'm making a spiral themed building in mc right now! jon maybe accept you did a bad? nah this goes back to what i said before. they're fine with him compelling ppl when its convenient for them but otherwise its "no jon you cant, youre a monster jon" the tapes didnt turn on. i spose that means its not important? i agree with daisy, this seems unecessarily dangerous. ep 147: is that a tape? the first tape? well that went better than i expected tbh. BAHAKJASHDJKF she did the "can i call you jon" like nikola says "elias, can i call you elias?" damn annabelle is such a girlboss. oh! the one thing from the picrew. its been a while since ive connected smth to that. lol all the other avatars always talk abt their patron so lovingly and the jon just. absolutely hates the eye. ep 148: lol thats the most elias thing. "i just like the way it sounds" ep 149: did he disappear? bruhh. ur lonely powers are popping off i guess. oops i accidentally deleted my notes for 150 - 152 ep 153: thats the cult right? yeah. it doesnt sound like the church of the divine host? idk. if it is the church of the divine host then they worship the dark right? so is the eleventh the dark star or wtvr? it almost sounds like the corruption b/c of the oil or grease or whatever. oh dear what happened. oh its the hunters. theyre so annyoing. not an "it" he has a name. he's a person. is this a page from the skin book? ep 154: oh shit this is gerry's dad! oh shit he quit! oh dear god. jon don't you do it. haha martin. yeahhhh... is he gonna tell the others? cuz you know theyre gonna get mad if he doesnt. oh also picrew connection! the bandages over the eyes? yeah thats this im guessing. ep 155: oh good he told them. oh my god what did you do. lol i have no mouth and i must scream. nah you get none of my sympathy you're straight up murdering ppl. its like the desolation, destroying lives to sustain your own. ok but taking their statements doesnt

kill them. oh... bye melanie. ep 156: lmao imagine if the tape recorder spoke back. oh boy decker! i swear we got a statement from him already. oh god mirrors scary. They're gonna eat the body arent they. Yup... sounds like the flesh or the slaughter, but I'm not sure. Could be the extinction for sure. Smth at the center! Like Helen mentioned. God Peter you dick. Ep 157: peter's just so :/ another decker statement i see. a statement about the corruption? hmm. maybe its not abt the corruption. the extinction. lol pandemics. topical. John Amherst. helen? lol i can hear admiral purring in the background. oh cmon helen dont be like that. im trying real hard to like you but you make it so difficult. ep 158: did they fucking free the stranger? im gonna lose it. you absolute dumbass. im sorry who is that? jonah magnus? my guy. peter. you absolute dickhead. that's elias. (im p sure i had this spoiled for me that elias is jonah) oh dear this is her death. god peter you prick. i hope this is a pop off martin moment and not a "martin you idiot" moment. i hope the hunters kill the stranger entity. or she kills them. furry daisy pop off! yeah fuck you peter martin can make his own decisions. you know that clip from Twisted where jafar says "ok what the fuck was that" martin D: ok like i know its gonna work but still D: D: ep 159: peter you bitchboy. because if im alone i cant hurt anyone else. imnotgonnacryimnotgonnacryimnotgonnacry do it do it do it do it. pop off jon. ok its a pretty good idea for a ritual i gotta be honest. she didnt even have to blow it up lol. oh dear that was certainly a noise. "he gets you" did he not have jon already? he's back! our boy is back! awwww thats so cute. ep 160: oh right this is the thing in the safe house. i love him. "obviously im going to tell you if i see any good cows" martin my beloved <3 :)) oh boy who is this. fuckin. people. jonah you dick. gahh. you can tell he's trying to resist so hard lol. ohh. hehe keep an *eye* on him. altho if the extinction is a real thing he needs to be marked by that right? lol he sounds so intense im sorry- i want martin to just burst in and be like "look at this cow i saw!" its so dramatic and for why.

#tma notes #tma

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patchworkstateofmind · 3 years

Text

Returning a Favor | A Marvel AU Fanfic, Chapter 1

Uhm, Ive never actually posted on tumblr before, and also never written about Marvel, so I hope if anyone even reads this, you will hopefully be nice ^^

So, anyways, this is a scene from an Idea I had, it takes place in the time between Spiderman Homecoming and Avengers Infinity War. If you like the idea or my writing style, make sure to let me know, so I can continue my Idea^^

I actually recommend to listen to some music while reading this, I suggest a dark academia, royal core playlist on youtube. (I think its suits this story the best, but you do you)

Okay I should stop blabbering, Lets go!

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Title of Chapter: Ballroom Talk

Word Count: 2,4k

Other Chapters: Ch.1, Ch.2

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The music hangs heavy in the air, as you leaned against the wooden railing of the staircase. Dozens of couples twirled and turned over the marble floor and the golden chandeliers, lit with real candles set the ballroom in a magnificent golden light. Golden specks of dust whirled through the air and the movement of the puffy skirts only made them twirl even more.

You looked down your crystal glass, hmm, empty. Sighing you placed your glass on the platter of a waiter that walked by you. Your gaze crossed the room, looking at the majestic oil paintings, probably worth thousands of dollars. Decadent.

Your eyes met brown. Great, the eyes you were trying to forget. You adverted your gaze and turned around, the skirt of your dress swaying as you made your way down the side of the ballroom, trying to get away. “Excuse me.”, said a voice behind you. You sighed.

“look, I don’t have time for this right now.” You turned around and he stood in front of you. Towering at least 2 feet over you normally, he now was eye to eye with you. Heels do seem have a good point. “I know, I’m really sorry, but I was told to do this.”, he said, so he knew too, that it was just an annoyance, rather than a mission. Gosh, he sounded so much like a teenager, it was almost embarrassing.

“I know too. But I am not joining your little team of ´Revengers´”, you painted quotation marks in the air and even though the half mask on his face managed to hide his emotion quite well, you were sure you could see him snarl. You chuckled lightly. “Let me guess, your friends are right out there, ready to crash the party any moment”. You nodded your head towards one of the stained-glass windows. “Okay, kiddo.”, you began. Actually, you weren’t quite sure how old he was, he seemed at least your age, if not older, but you liked the way it railed him up.

“I know that normally, we would have a nice fight of words and then your teammates come crashing in, saving you, because you obviously aren’t strong enough to handle me on your own. You and your friends set everything on fire, I get away and yet again you think you’ve won because you’ve killed another ten old bastards, that don’t mean anything to us. But you need the accomplishment, and we don’t want you to feel like you always destroy everything without any results. And yet you do.”

He opened his mouth, trying to defend himself, but you simply talk over him. “Let’s face it. You couldn’t find a point to start your search, so you thought you would show up here, thinking that we are dumb enough to not disguise a hidden meeting better than a ball. And you thought you could crash this meeting but then noticed, that it is a real ball. And now you want information, so they sent you in her, totally blending in with everybody here.” You reach for his neck and fix the collar of his button up.

“But now you noticed that there is no one important here, that actually has information. And I know that your teammates probably realised this, but I’m not quite sure if you are intelligent enough to do too, so I’m throwing you this bone.” You make an eccentric pause. “Peter, have you noticed that not even one important person is here.”, you pointed towards the dancefloor. “And you know why? Because there is a hidden meeting, but we all know that you and your little team aren’t even remotely clever enough to even think about this, so we sat up this ball. Of course, that’s not the only reason, its also to get rich old bastards on our side, feeding them with bacon wrapped dates and hors d´oeuvres and telling them that we are this”, you pinch your fingers together. “Close to curing cancer.”

“Are you serious?”, Peter brushes his hand trough his hair. “So this is all a setup to lead us into the false direction?”. “You look distressed”, you say and reach for the tablet of yet another waiter that walks by. “Here, try some of that, it will calm you down, but yes, this is just a setup”. You take the glass and press it into Peters’ hand. He doesn’t seem to pay attention to you though, his hand lays on his ear and the other, with the glass, he raised up to his mouth. “Did you hear that Mr Stark?”, he asked.

You try to swallow a giggle. “So, I was right”, you say and turn around, making your way down the corridor. “You really couldn’t think one step further and realise that we aren’t dumb enough to hide secret things better, tsk.”

It takes Peter a few seconds to notice you are leaving, but when he does, he is sprinting down the corridor after you. “Wait!”, he yells. “Come on Peter”, you answer annoyed, it comes out as a snarl. “Why are you so relentless? You had the mission to get information, I gave you information. Its not my fault that the information is that you suck”

“Hey! We don’t suck!”, he defends and jumps around, side to side, trying to move in front of you, but your massive skirt is blocking his way, making him dance around you. Though you must admit that even though this tight corset and the puffy skirt annoy you, you can’t seem to help but thank the 18th century fashion for making people stay away from you.

“Why don’t you just go back to your friends outside, because as you can see, there is nothing interesting here, just a bunch of old dudes, dancing with young and impressionable girls on the search for a rich sugar daddy”, You say. You are really done with this shit.

“I don’t think we have that what we want yet”, a voice came from in front of you. To be fair, you didn’t expect anybody else here, which made you stop in your tracks. You needed a Minute to calm your muscles again, trying to keep your masquerade on. “Oh, thank god”, Peter huffs out from behind you. Great, you are stuck.

You raise one side of your mouth to a smirk. “Captain America, didn’t expect to see you here. Thought you would be busy with squeezing yourself into those tight spandexes.”, you say. “Though I must say, tailcoats suit you much better, you should make them into your uniform, rather than that ridiculously patriotic Costume you always wear.” “I could say the same to you, oh, wait, you look like the wallpaper of my grandma exploded on you”, he says and grins. “Ouuh, burn”, You say mockingly. “You know you could just say you like me better without clothes”, You say and glance back over your shoulder. Only to find that Peter is blushing, you look back at Cap, he’s blushing too. Double kill.

“Well, if you would excuse me Gentleman, I’ve got a dinner date to keep”, You try to manoeuvre your skirt around Cap, but he positions himself right in front of you. “I don’t think so.”, he crosses his arms over his chest. “That’s not very nice, to keep a lady from following her plans”, You say and try once again, but he takes a step sideways, blocking your path yet again. “Let’s see it like this”, Cap begins. “You can either talk with me right now, or we will take this outside and you can see if you were right with the assumption that it takes more people than one to fight you.

You sigh. “Nice move, America. Taking advantage of the girl in heels, so it can’t run away.” You turn around and look at Peter. He has taken off his mask and you lock eyes with him. “Well then kiddo”, you say and open your hand. “Give me your glass, if you don’t use it, then don’t mind if I do” He hands you the wine glass and you throw your head back, downing it in one swift motion. You place the glass onto a side table and motion for Captain America to follow you. “You want to dance?”, you ask. He lifts an eyebrow. “So, you really wanna fight”, he asks. “Nah, not now. I mean it literally, if I have to spend more time here, then why don’t use it”

He turns around to look at Peter. “Go outside, I will meet you there, if I don’t come out in ten Minutes send them in” You can’t help but snicker at this and now its your turn to cross the arms over your chest. “Are you so afraid of me? The mighty Captain America- Oh wait, the mighty one was Thor, wasn’t it? Well anyways, I’m gonna spend the rest of my evening on the dance floor”

With those words you make your way back to the ball room. The music is still the same, eerily beautiful, like from an old historian drama. You reach the end of the hallway and look at the Captain. He reaches into the inside of his tailcoat and pulls out a velvet mask. “Glad to see you thought about bringing one yourself, I counted on the fact that I would have to lend you one of mine.” You tap onto your mask. A light beige, velvet half mask, adorned with blue pearls and light blue lace. It matched with your dress.

He holds out his elbow and you interlock your arm into his. You make your way to the dance floor, its not a formation dance, so you don’t stick out when you two join in in a free space. He places his hand on the side of your body and you reach out to place your hand in his. You begin the turn around the floor, not thinking about a choreography.

“Okay, Mr. America”, you say, now quieter, although the music and the chitter chatter all around you should make it hard for anybody else to hear your conversation. “You have this one dance, if you want to talk any longer, we will have to fight. And we both know that a fight will end in at least on person to be hurt. And I don’t know why, but I don’t think it will be me.”

He meets your stern gaze with just as much aversion. “I do think too that one dance is more than enough”. “By then, start your questions”. You turn outwards and twirl yourself back in under his arm. “Why are you doing this ball?”, he asks. “Like I said, its easier to have meetings that shall not be interrupted, if you have something where the people that could interrupt are occupied” “So, I guess that’s why you are here too, because they don’t want you to interrupt either?”, he asks and you can hear his intention right through. “I am really sorry, but I think we both know that you will not be able to question my loyalty”

He leaves your hand to place his on the other side of your waist and you place yours on his shoulders. With a swift motion he lifts you up as the music reaches its climax and with a turn puts you back down on your feet. “Next question”, you say. “You are running out of time”

“Why this masquerade?” You sigh. “I know, it’s very cliché isn’t it; I also don’t know why it has to be in this Victorian style, but I guess it should make the people here feel more at home, old people like old stuff, don’t they? But of course, I shouldn’t tell you about old stuff, I mean, you’re the 100-year-old” He rolls his eyes. “You know that’s not what I meant”. “Ugh, I know, you see, this is a disguise for a meeting, but its also a coming together of really rich people, and really rich people tend to do really bad stuff. Its easier to gather blackmail bait when people feel safe because of a mask that isn’t hiding anything.” “So, it’s a trick to steal money from the rich?” “No, its to steal Power from the rich. If you want to really win this game of power, you got to have the rich and powerful on your side, not only the handymen. And based on the facts I do know; you don’t even seem to have the handymen on your side. The Avengers, always there for the people”, you sigh mockingly. “but doing nothing more, than leaving a trail of misery and destruction. Cut to the chase, what is really the reason you and your friends are here?”

“Where is the secret headquarters of Hydra?”, he asks, and you drop your smile. “Oh, straight to the point I guess”, You say and take a step away from him. He grabs your hands and pulls you back in, this time his hand lands on your back, holding you firmly in place. He leans down to your ear. For other people it must look like you are a couple, but the snarl in his voice is more than enough to find out the real affirmation between you two.

“Cut it, we know that you and your little crew have connections to hydra” You lean back, trying to bring space between you two and snarl back. “You should be careful who you make assumptions about, some people are not very happy to be affiliated with those people.” “Those people!?”, he gets louder. “Last time I remembered you blowing up a part of Siberia, destroying everything in a 100-mile radius. You are nothing better than Hydra.”

“I am not in affiliation with Hydra, but remember this for the next time we meet, America.”, you hiss and now you lean into him. “I will rip everything you love apart if you don’t keep your dirty hands of my business. And I think we both know that I won’t hesitate. But maybe I shouldn’t threaten you” You lean back and push against his chest, stepping away. “If you dare once again to interfere with my business, I will destroy everything any of you are fond of. Your little boy, Peter. This naïve and sweet boy. How about we start with him? Or maybe start with something that hurts. I come to know about a certain woman named… What was it? Peggy?”

With these words you turn around and storm of, you don’t hear footsteps behind you, and you are really sure that he won’t be following you.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Thank you for reading!

Have a great day!

#mcu #marvel #marvel cinematic universe #marvel au #marvelfanfic #the avengers #marvels the avengers #marvel captain america #captain america #spiderman #marvels spider man #captain america fanfiction #marvelfanfiction #peter parker #marvel imagine #peter parker fanfiction #iron man

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autumn-foxfire · 4 years

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Ah i think u hit nail in the head why im not super comfy with most of these post war dabihawks potreyals

Even those that have hawks forgive dabi instead of hawks being the one to apologize usually leave hawks wingless. Like scar is one thing but his wings really..hit different especially cuz a lot of fans are still rabid on 'hawks should lose his wings as punishment'. It feels like theses aus are punishing hawks while also having him forgive dabi so they really make it feel like dabi is getting off scot free while hawks is left without two limbs and two major sensory organs but its ok he forgives dabi.

Like i like dabihawks its prime angst material and i dont mind complete aus that let them just be happy cuz thats what aus are for. But if you are going to write or draw something canon divergent you need to do a lot more work cuz u need to base your work on canon. Like that is the exact reason why i like writing aus better than canon divergence even if i like reading both. With canon divergence you really need to know your stuff and it can be stressful to try n keep everything in order while also executing your own story. Thats why canon divergence that just skips to fluff is so jarring, theres no narrative mid section they just tell u 'suspend your disbelief' but thats v hard when where canon left off and where the work is picking up from are so tonaly different you really need a bridge between the two or it just doesnt work. Enemies to lovers is a fun trope but it does expect work from you if you wanna follow canon, to tell us how they got from enemies to begrudging respect to allies to frienda to lovers. But most ppl just want the short version and in cases like dabihawks it just really doesnt work.

Like im always reminded of shizaya and how every work ive ever read of them that was anyway canon compliant (n most aus) still had that tension between them, made it clear they have a lot to work on, worked on that, acknowledge they can still be toxic to each other and that not everything was sunshine and rainbows. They fought they argued it was nasty and it was messy and thats what made me think ye this is how their reletionship would be in canon.

Dabihawks just seems to jump from dabi burning hawks alive to they are all good n happy guys uwu. And its so jarring cuz no they wouldnt be, this reletionship would take A Lot of work to salvage, a lot of trust from hawks and a lot of willingness from dabi to change and do better. It just seems that most works i see simply skip the meat of the reletionship to get to dessert and its just not as fufiling as a full meal

Exactly.

Hawks is punished for his “crimes” meanwhile Dabi, who has committed far more atrocieties then Hawks gets away with his (actual) crimes scot free and even get a boyfriend and a family out of it.

It’s just too unrealistic for me to believe, even with me trying to suspend my disbelief considering it’s a crack enemies to lovers pairing.

As you said, AUs are something I can understand people going wild in because they are the purpose of them however if you’re going to write a work that is based on canon, even if it has canon divergence it it, you at least have to try and follow the guidelines already laid bare for you by canon. As you said, you can’t just eat a starter then jump straight into the dessert, you need to have the main course in between and canon compliant enemies to lovers ships are the same. You need to have that main, the part that explores all the ugly parts of their relationship and how they heal from it before you can jump into the fluff.

Also, if you’re going to hold Hawks to a standard in your work, hold Dabi to the same standard. Hawks gets punished so severely for his actions? Then Dabi, who has done so much worse should be punished even more. It’s not fair that Hawks is just used to make Dabi look better and be their to “forgive” him for his horrible actions.

Shizaya fics have really spoiled me on this because as you said, most stories do explore the ugliness, the “enemy” part in the pairing and how they learn to deal with that and change before diving into the fluff. Also, most stories focus on both of their trauma too, neither forgiving or completely condemning them either. Meanwhile, many Dabihawks stories leave me feeling disappointed because it’s usually stories that fluff Dabi up or just pure fluff with no clue of how they got to that point.

Of course, if that floats your boat then all the power to you, but it’s just no my cup of tea when it comes to enemies to lovers.

#bnha #DH rants #thanks for the ask!!#thegaygyrus

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sargentr · 4 years

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my fave drarry fics of all time, part one

so, after discovering i’ve officially been reading drarry fanfic for 4 years now, i decided to show my (quite big) list of favorite drarry fics. there are 46 in total, but i’ve listed 10 down below. the first three are my absolute favorites but the rest are equally as good

most of my notes are fresh from when i wrote them post-reading. i’ve changed some, seeming less like a crazy unstable bitch, but fuck these were all emotional as fuck. enjoy

ps: i dont really know how to tag people i dont follow. i cant try and tag the authors later. soz!!

pps: most of these i read when i was really into a bottom!draco phase, so most of them contain that, some are switch tho (as it should be, yikes past me)

1. Everything That Happen is From Now On / ~43K

After surviving a brutal assault, Draco tries to navigate the tumultuous waters of his mind, and embrace a bit of love and trust in his life. After all, the smallest steps forward can begin to heal the most fractured of souls

okay so before i get in to how beautiful this story is, i wanna say that it does touch on rape quite explicitly. i cried like an idiot reading the entire thing, because draco’s pain is navigated in the most beautiful and realistic way. it touches on a subject very risky for me, very personal, and i still can’t think of a better drarry story. draco’s very draco about it all, and harry is very harry about it all. it’s just perfect, and messy, and tender, and sad. i’ve reread it more than any other fic, and it doesn’t disappoint.

2. Pocket Full of Starlight / ~46K

When Scorpius Malfoy and Jamie Potter meet at Quidditch camp, they take an instant dislike to each other. Then they discover their lives are more connected than they could possibly imagine.

ah yes. the magic of kid fics. the TASTE

parent trap au. i read this one recently, like 3 months back, and absolutely fell in love with everything about it, partially because the parent trap is legit one of my top 10 favorite movies of all time. its just. the essence, the IDEA, is soooo mf beautiful. i cant get enough of reading when harry or draco finally meet the other twin, or how they cant stop loving each other even after 11 years. my heart clenched throughout the whole thing.

3. Temptations on the Warfront / ~180K

Draco Malfoy is forced into hiding with the Golden Trio and dragged into their search for horcruxes. What ensues is a journey of redemption, unexpected friendships and an unwanted, turbulent romance with Harry Potter. Warnings for swearing, sexual content, and dark themes.

this was the first drarry fic ive ever read, and before this mf i HATEDDD this pairing. so you can imagine how much it took to convince me otherwise, bc i was 100% scorbus before this.

to be fair, horcrux hunting with draco involved is, possibly, my favorite trope ever. its unique. theres tension, both sexual and life threatening. in some ways it romanticizes the war, but fuck it it aint a real war.

slowest of burns. amazing. life changing. long as hell. nothing else to be said except read it right now i demand it.

4. Clouding the Senses / ~58K

As everyone returns to Hogwarts for a final eighth year, some people are coping better with the aftermath of the war than others. After encountering a very drunk Draco Malfoy one night, Harry realises that maybe those that lost loved ones aren’t the only ones trying to escape the war. Blaise Zabini seems to think Harry can help Malfoy, that the Slytherin might actually listen to him. Harry is not so sure. Dependence is a tricky thing, and one addiction can quickly shift to another.

everyone that reads drarry loves 8th year fics, but this ones just kinda different from all those normal (yet entertaining) ones. draco’s an alcoholic in this, and one night harry tries to help him and whoops, one thing leads to the other and they start having casual sex. its really, really amazing how both draco and harry navigate the addiction, i really cant say it has any flaws.

i know the author got a lot of hate on their fics and thats why they took them down, but they’re truly one of the best drarry authors out there. i’ve reread this a couple of times, and the tenderness, the love and confusion is all very on character. a+

5. Restraint / ~153K

Someone casts the Imperius curse on Draco Malfoy, and whatever the instructions may be, Harry finds himself an unwilling target. The encounter leaves him torn between pleasure and revulsion. As they fight in the aftermath, a tense game begins. Harry fights to convince Malfoy, and himself, that he was not affected by that initial encounter, or any of those following it.

Faced with a series of escalating encounters, Harry must come to terms with desiring things he never thought he could, things he wishes he didn’t respond to. They each use signs of arousal as weapons against each other in a mad struggle to finally shame the other into backing down for good.

But it’s only after the game is over that Harry starts to understand.

this is by the same author of clouding the senses, and i read this just this week. at first, it’s shocking, because it plays around with consent in a very unsettling way. when communication comes in, and its starts getting healthier, you can really understand where the author found the idea of playing with consent. it is, in my opinion, 100% characteristic of how they would behave post-war, with that grief and confusion. it’s also dom/sub in some parts, and that’s mf hot.

it also has my favorite tropes in it, but it’s a spoiler to say which one. i’ll probably mention the trope in the list along with a bunch others, but when u finish reading you’ll know which one ;)

6. Humbug / ~30K

Draco has been taking his casual relationship with Harry for granted. Visits from four key ghosts the night before Christmas just might shake up his priorities in life.

(felt like it was valid to just paste what i wrote in my notes app after reading this)

(FUCKKKKKK HOW TO EVEN START?!!!?? just a fucking bonus, draco is THE best bottom o ever exist i love my bottom son so much. this story isnt only amazing it’s excruciatingly painful to read, harry and draco have been sleeping together but harry is completely in love with him. draco doesnt see how much harry cares for him or how much hes hurting harry by treating their fling like its just that, a FLING. with that, draco is haunted by three ghosts. one of the past, the present and the future, AND THEY SET THAT IDIOT STRAIGHTTTT 1800000/10. the gays DO KEEP MF WINNING!!!

7. in your arms, rests my world / ~24K

Harry presses his mouth to Malfoy's forehead; he wants to tell him that he’ll never leave, that he wouldn’t dream of it.

“You make me feel safe, Potter” Malfoy whispers. “You keep me safe.”

the friends with benefits trope doesnt ever disappoint, top 5 tropes fr, especially if its also 8th year. harry and draco get into their little thing, but of course nothing ever is simple between them. by the preview, you can clearly see how much draco likes harry (also another 10/10 trope, the ‘i’ve been in love with harry potter since i was 11′ one). my only tiny issue with this is that harry fucks it up just a tad, but it of course adds up to the drama of it all, which i absolutely love.

noting it also touches on non-con/rape and, and all in all, is extremely angsty. one i was tense from beginning to end. but i am gonna say it ends amazingly and v happily.

8. Playing the Hero / ~29K

Nobody kissed me like Harry did. He kissed like he flew; he kissed like he duelled - with his whole being, not caring about anything else. I had never felt as vulnerable as I did when he kissed me, seizing all and any control I had over myself. But when Harry kissed me, I felt free...

so the thing about angst is that it ignites that mf feeling side u that even tho it hurts you cannot get enough of. this fic was EVERYTHINGGG. it made cry and laugh and smile. also another trope i absolutely adore is them breaking up and not being 100% ok with that, bc ding ding!! YALL STILL LOVE EACH OTHER!!

i cant describe how i felt, honestly. i would just paste my notes (i wont bc spoilers) but it looks like i went thru sum shit. deadass

9. fine i’ll hold my breath / till i forget it’s complicated / ~ 15K with the two parts

Harry and Draco become friends with benefits, and Harry thinks it's more complicated than it actually is.

u know, fluff is a drug. i dont know if its beucase 90% of drarry fics are about angsty get-togethers, but i had butterflies in my stomach when i read this. its adorable. draco is so clearly in love, he jusT SMILES A LOT I CANTTT.

its cute. i love it to death. have some fluff before starting your day.

10. Un Noël très parisien / ~14K

When Draco crossed paths with Auror Potter at a political function in Paris, he was not expecting their former animosity to change into something rather more intriguing. But he could be certain their casual flirtation would not last more than the night, couldn't he?

look. i know i named a lot of my favorite tropes here, but i cant end this without mentioning how much single dad draco affects me. i love scorpius and how much he changes draco in every fic he appears. i love parent draco and i shant be silent about it (especially when scorpius is legit just a year old in this. i died)

as it states, harry and draco have a one night stand but draco thinks thats it, that it was all he was ever gonna have. he’s wrong of course, and the path it takes, with both scorpius and harry there, just melted my mf heart.

well kids that’s all i have for now. imma work on a part two with 10 other fics i really love!1

#drarry #drarry fic #drarry fanfiction #draco malfoy #harry potter #gay #mlm #fanfiction #scorpius malfoy #albus potter #lgbtq fanfiction

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hanjislabig · 4 years

Text

Hanji's Past

"Isn’t it worth trying?"

————-

(Thats an extract from a story me and my friend write. An evening with Levi and Hanji, eating crackers, drinking red wine and talking about old wounds.)

Hanji looks at Levi with loving eyes. "Offer up your beating hearts... that’s a really serious promise... at least that’s what my mother always said." She takes another cracker and slips it into her mouth, while relaxing on the bed again.

Her last sentence makes Levi sit up. "You've actually never told me much about your parents, how comes?"

"There’s nothing special I could tell you,” she answers his question and shrugs casually. “But what do you mean, I already did tell you some things.”

"Right, you did", Levi says. He has noticed her unusual reaction to his question immediately. "But only a few things from your childhood. I mean - what else? Are they still alive, are you still in contact with them, do they know about me, whatever."

Hanji remains silent for a moment. She often talks about her parents casually, but rather with the intention to displace the latest happenings. The ones that she’d rather ban out of her mind completely. Now she gets confronted with everything again, she doesn’t hate to talk about what happened, but she’s definitely not keen to tell it everyone.

Hanji takes a deep sigh before she changes her position and sits up, pulling her legs against her body and wrapping her arms around them. "You really wanna know? I mean you don’t have to ask out of politeness.“

Levi changes his own position a little bit. "Sound like there's something that's not easy to talk about", he says. "So I only wanna know if you wanna tell me."

Hanji sighs again but nods then. She props her chin on her knees and starts thinking where to begin.

"So, my father was a scout in survey corps. He always used to be away for long periods of time, when they went on expeditions. Besides he always needed to leave for Trost to work. In his free time though when he was at home, he did a lot of stuff with chemistry and architecture. I loved to read in his books and rummage in his stuff,“

Hanji chuckles lightly at the memory.

"Altough i didn’t understand anything of these academic textes. You know I just wanted to seem as smart as did. So I assume his interests somehow woke the interest in me too.“

She sighs.

“My moms a botanist. Sometimes she also cared for the kids in our neighborhood. We also had this huge lively garden where I spent a lot of my childhood in. She planted her flowers everywhere, it was beautiful, especially in spring when everything bloomed. Sometimes I simply sat the whole day in the grass, watching the insects flying around and doing their tasks, listening to the birds... I loved the nature, I remember that.“

From one moment to another Hanji gets more serious again and it seems like she came back to reality.

"When I was 12 years old, my father died,” she continues with a voice that doesn’t reveal much, “he was one of the deceased of an expedition. My mother and I didn’t know much about titans back then, no one has ever seen one, they were only known through stories. When I was a child... we didnt have these wall problems yet,” Hanji stares down on her feet, lost in her thoughts.

“We got the message over a letter from the commander. That my father died in war against the so called titans.”

Hanjis eyes narrow, almost not noticeable while she speaks about the titans. Even if it’s only for a short moment, it seems like her attitude towards these monster changes.

"Before that happened I never considered joining the sure corps. I didn’t even think about it. It was nothing more than the job my father had. But after I got to know he got killed by titans...“ she falters, "... I think that could’ve been the trigger for my Titan obsession. But not exactly like I see them now, no... I wanted retribution, revenge, justice for what happened to my father. I got obsessed with titans because of all the hate I carried in myself. So I guess that was the moment when i realized I want to avenge my father and I decided from one day to another that I’ll do the same job as he did. I wanted to kill all of these titans everyone was talking about and afraid of."

Hanji swallows with a dry throat and takes a brief break.

"Like I said, I was twelve years old at this point. My father passed away only a few months before the recruitment for the next legion started. I was completely convinced that becoming a soldier would be my destination so I... I let myself get registered that day... but without telling my mom...“

Hanji lowers her eyes and gazes at her hands, a feeling of guilt coming over her.

“This lead us to heaving the worst fight ever. It was... something worse ive ever experienced in my entire life before at this point,” Hanji can’t help but pulling a slightly pained face as the memories flash her, “I told my mother that I was joining the corps. And she said no. And I said yes. My mother...I realize it now... she was so concerned and frightened. If I just imagine this... her only daughter wants to do the exact same job that got her husband killed only a few months ago."

Hanji presses her lips together.

“She didn’t want me to go... but I didn’t listen. I didn’t care, I thought she’d be too selfish to let me go... how could I-... I was too young to understand how the love of a mother works..."

Silence again.

"I packed my few necessary things and left my mother behind. I was so furious, you can’t imagine. Full of blind anger and a raging, ambitious heart. I can-... still see her face... this expression in her eyes when I-... when I left without turning around a single time...”

Hanji slowly shakes her head in disbelief and breathes out shivering.

“That was the last time I saw my mother. I’ve never seen her again since then.” She has to look away from Levi, her facial expression tormented and hurt as she remembers what happened back then.

Levi listens to her the whole time without saying a word, just focusing on her story. When she talks about her life back then he feels a little pain in his chest. It sounds more than beautiful. So beautiful he's having a hard time even imagining it.

He finds it hard to believe such a happy childhood is even possible. But then he learns how that happiness ended. It's just a story like all the others, nothing they haven't heard a hundred times before. And still it's not. Because it's her story. Her pain, her motivation, her reason to choose the path she chose, the cross she has to bear every day.

There's this picture inside his head, a twelve-year-old Hanji, fuelled by sorrow and hatred, trying to turn that pain into power. This part of the story seems much more familiar and Levi thinks to himself that at least she had something to focus her anger on. In his own story there was no bad guy, no-one who had ruined his life and still it was ruined. So he turned his hatred against the whole world, but the whole world is a bad enemy.

Levi continues listening and it doesn't get better. He feels sympathy for Hanji's mother, what her daughter did to her wasn't fair. But still he doesn't blame Hanji. She was young, passionate, furious, had a goal. If she was anything like she's now that made her unstoppable. But back then she didn't have the far-sightedness to realise how what she was doing affected the person who cared about her most. Sometimes she still doesn't.

Hanji's wish to join the survey corps is just as understandable as her mother's for her to stay. It was a tragic situation with no possible outcome that would have been good for everyone. Still Hanji should have handled it differently. She knows that and this knowledge tears her apart. This is why Levi forgives her immediately. He's as sure that her mother would forgive her as well as he's sure Hanji won't ever. Maybe that's why she suffers from guilt issues whenever something happens to the people and creatures around her.

For almost two decades she's lived with the knowledge that it was her who has caused a person close to her pain and she never wants that to happen again. But whenever something similar happens she thinks it's her fault automatically. The fact that she hasn't found the courage to see her mother again since surely makes it worse. Hanji probably thinks she's a coward, which doesn't exactly help her build self-esteem. Levi moves a bit closer to her and starts massaging her neck soothingly.

"Thanks for telling me this", he says after remaining silent for a while. "What happened between you and your mother is really bad", he begins carefully.

"But you know that you did her wrong and that's the first step in the right direction. You didn't mean to hurt her back then, you just did what we all have to do at some point, you chose how to live your life. She shouldn't have tried to stop you, that's probably what she's telling herself every day, but she was worried. And you shouldn't have left without talking to her about it, but you were a young girl who had just lost her father and got it all wrong. It's awful how it ended..."

Levi stops for a moment and his voice changes.

"...but it didn't end. You're alive, she's alive, thank whoever you want to thank for that. So many of our next of kin are dead, there's no way we can sort anything out or be united with them in this life again. You've got that chance so many of us dream about. Take it."

He gives Hanji an encouraging nudge.

"You've forgiven her and you love her, there's a high chance she's forgiven you as well and I'm a hundred percent sure she loves you. So what are you waiting for? You love each other, you miss each other. You've both made mistakes but we all do. If there's any way you can talk things out and become a family again, isn't it worth trying?"

#attack on titan #levihan headcanon #levihan #angst #hanji zoe #levi ackerman

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set-phasers-to-whump · 4 years

Text

first you get hurt, then you feel sorry

ok so i dont get how max evans aka mr. guilt could have learned that Important Info from sheriff valenti and then like.....not talked about it or anything?? so heres me fixing it, i think this is going to be like multiple parts which ive never really done so,,,,,we will see anyway @deepwoundsandfadedscars thank u for being patient with me lol, hope this is ok!! the title is from first by cold war kids (this is set idk like somewhere in a free moment between like 2x09 and 2x12)

Isobel leans into the familiar warmth of her brother’s side. It’s been a wild couple days, and she thinks she’s probably lucky to get any break from it at all. They’re in the park, and it’s nearly sundown, so it’s virtually empty, apart from the two of them sitting quietly on a bench.

Isobel breaks the comfortable silence between them-she can’t help it, she just has to know the details of Max’s arrest, so she says, “how was prison?” nudging Max with her shoulder and grinning. “Get any tattoos? Join a gang?”

Max sighs, dragging a hand down his face. Isobel turns to her brother and really looks at him-he’s been a little off recently, and there’s a look in his eyes that she knows, and hates, and hates that she knows. Guilt. She frowns and waits for him to speak.

But Max just stares at his feet, saying nothing. Naturally, Isobel presses. “Seriously, Max. I mean, Michael’s got his fair share of drunk-tank stories, but I wanna hear from you. I am the only one of us who’s never been arrested now.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it, okay?” Max snaps. Isobel leans away a little, holding up her hands. “Okay, sorry,” she replies, only growing more curious about Max’s brief stint behind bars.

He sighs again, closing his eyes. “No, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-“

“It’s fine Max, I’m not gonna rip it out of you or anything. I just thought maybe you’d want to talk about it.”

Max makes a hmming sound, leaning his head onto Isobel’s shoulder. After a few minutes of slightly charged silence, he speaks.

“Before she officially arrested me, Sheriff Valenti...said some things. I didn’t believe her, I didn’t want to believe her...but...I think she’s right. About me.”

Isobel doesn’t press this time, no matter how badly she wants to, as Max takes a breath and runs a lightly shaking hand through his hair. She grabs the hand, runs her fingers across it soothingly, and waits for him to continue.

“She told me, the day our parents came to the home, that it...it wasn’t Michael who was screaming and drawing the symbol on the walls. It was me.”

“But Michael-“

“Took the crayon from me, and then our parents came into the room, and saw him, and I guess they assumed it was his drawing on the wall. But it was me, Isobel. Me. I’m the reason Michael was left behind. It should have been me. He’s-it’s my fault.”

Isobel takes a second to process-she doesn't want to think about why this makes sense, not now. So she focuses on the things she knows: that they had been seven years old, strangers to everything in the world except each other, unable to speak, unable to truly understand. She can’t help but wonder, for a second, why her and Max’s parents hadn’t...what, taken the time to consider that Michael having the crayon in his hand didn’t necessarily mean that he’d been the one to deface the walls? But it’s not like she remembers that day-none of them do, so it’s not like she can say what went through the Evanses minds. Not like it matters now, anyway.

“We were seven and didn’t know how to communicate with them, Max. There wasn’t a lot you could have done. I mean, you don’t even remember this happening.”

Max shakes his head, sniffs. “It doesn’t matter. Once we could speak, I should have done something. Told them they should’ve taken Michael instead, confessed, I don’t know.”

“Max, you don’t remember that day. You couldn’t have confessed, even if you’d wanted to.”

“Maybe. But...Michael went through hell, while you and I led perfect little lives. We had each other, we had a family. Michael had no one.”

“Michael had us,” Isobel points out. “We have always been a family, Max, even if we were separated.”

Max stands up. “No, we weren’t!” he snaps. “Michael was alone. Because of me!”

Isobel stands, too, placing a hand on her brother’s arm. “No amount of blaming yourself for the past is going to change it. And yeah, okay, maybe you were the ‘troubled child,’ and not Michael. That doesn’t make it your fault that he...that he was left behind.”

Max smiles, that sad, angry smile of his, and sucks in a breath. “Isn’t it my fault, though? Our whole lives, I’ve tried to protect the two of you. But now-I’m the one that put Michael in danger in the first place. He could’ve grown up happy, loved, with a real family and a house and...and a twin sister, and I stole that from him before we could talk!”

He collapses back onto the bench, burying his face in his hands, like that will stop Isobel from noticing the light trembling in his shoulders and his hands, or the way he’s taking these small breaths like he’s afraid, suddenly, to make any noise.

She sits next to him again, turns to face him, and gently places her hands over his, pulling them away from his face and into her lap. She continues holding on as she speaks, thinking carefully about what she needs to say.

“Maybe,” she starts, “maybe that’s true. Maybe Michael and I could have been the Evans twins. Maybe he would have grown up in a better situation. Maybe. Or maybe, all three of us would have been split up. Maybe Michael and you would have been left to the system. You can’t change the past, Max, and you can’t know what would have happened if you could.”

She pauses, takes a breath, wipes away a tear of her own. “I know it hurts, to realize that there are things in your past which have hurt other people, but you have to accept those things as part of you. You were an abandoned, angry kid, and you screamed and you drew on the walls, and Michael took the blame for it. You can’t change that. But you can talk to Michael, or our parents. Just...figure out how you can accept this, and forgive yourself for it.”

Max pulls his hands out of Isobel’s, scrubs the tears from his face. “Okay,” he says finally, quietly. “I’ll talk to Michael, maybe Mom and Dad.” He manages a small smile, and leans forward to hug his sister. Isobel quickly wraps her arms around him, resting a hand softly in his hair. “I know you will,” she says. “You’ll work this out, Max.”

“Yeah,” he sighs, sounding like he maybe half believes it. Isobel smiles a little, pulling Max closer, letting his head rest on her shoulder. She’ll take that half-belief. It's a start, at least.

i hope this was ok!! if it sucks lmk and i wont write more parts but idk im kinda liking this?? hope the finale doesnt like. screw things up too badly lol

#roswell new mexico #max evans #emotional whump #my writing #i say things #this is barely whumpy at all but whatever!! too bad #kee i hope this is ok!! i can rewrite it if it suxxxx #i dont think i like my title but whatever #max has been hurt and now he feels bad for what hes learnt so. it fits

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milkie-yoongi · 4 years

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21 Questions Tag

yay i love these! especially because i cant go anywhere right now so imma try to find more! thank you @honeyvoicehwang for the tag :)

Name: starts w an S. read the about me section on my blog

Gender: female

Star Sign: pisces !!!!

Current Time: 1:15 PM

Favorite Artist(s): bts, bap, taeyang, song ji eun, eaeon, any OST artist tbh and theres lots more but im only listing the korean music ones

Favorite Song: sweet night - taehyung its just refreshing and sentimental i dont know how to describer

Song Stuck in Your Head: this one annoying song song by this lady i dont know that i keep hearing everyone dance to on tik tok because my friend keeps showing me can she stop tanks

Last Movie You Saw: in theatres? the star wars one, i love D-O i shouldve asked for that remote control robot for birthday i love dumb silly robot

Last Thing You Googled: “reddit” lol im looking for answers for lots of stuff rn

Other Blogs: nothing on here, one blog is enough to keep up with ehe

Main Blog: @milkie-yoongi

Do You Get Asks: i used to, now its rare but people be busy and im not consistently active so i get it, i love asks though please send some in esp at this time in life

Reason For Your URL: lol i don’t even know if there was a real reason behind it, i originally wanted to make a yoongi instagram fanacc but i liked tumblr more so i thought, why not make one there and just see how it does? it was only supposed to be for my personal entertainment and i didnt expect to meet so many wonderful people on here or for it to blow up as quickly as it did when i posted constantly. i didnt expect to be this invested in it either, but here i am today c: . i think i chose “milkie” as the first part of the name because i wanted a pastel/soft theme that was whitish/blueish and yoongi is baby to me and i associate that with that with “milk” and to make it flow better i just added “ie” then of course it was meant to be a yoongi blog so i added yoongi at the end because his name just as it is is beautiful.

Following: 193

Average Amount of Sleep: when im stressed or have to wake up early its around 5-6.5 hours (kinda like yoon yeh), and if i dont have to wake up early and am not stressed i sleep around 7-10 hours. i feel dead everyday though, how do people have energy?

Lucky Number: 13! idk, i dont believe in luck but 13 is a cool number and i always liked it!

Currently Wearing: why do you wanna know? some of these asks make me feel like im being interrogated by the fbi hahaaa but im staying at home today soo a black long sleeve with white small dolphin sillhouetes on the side and sleeves and black leggings. fun right?

Dream Job: at first i never had one, but now i realized i really want to work from home with my laptop. i dont mind what it is as long as i have fun doing it and that it lines up with my values, and i do have a few ideas regarding this, im not gonna put them out here so no one STEALS. because why work for someone else on someone else’s time when you can thrive the best doing what you like and taking advantage of the technology given? i know its gonna be a long road with lots of trial and error but thats what i really want so i can spend more time on what matters in life later on, like taking care of myself and being with family/friends! aside from online jobs though id love to be a piano teacher/piano accompanist because thats the only thing job wise that gives me joy right now.

Dream Trips: anywhere with good food :D right now definitely korea, japan, new zealand, the more nature-y islands in hawaii, anywhere in europe, probably more places but i cant think of any right now. also ive only been on an airplane once in my life!

Favourite Foods: anything with white rice it just makes eating so much easier and enjoyable. meats. seafood like the ones at the restaurants where they give you the bibs which i do not wear and they dump the lobster shrimp and crab and corn all over the table and you can just eat it however you want.

Play Any Instruments: pianopianoapinaoooapinaooapianoo! i used to play violin too in middle and HS but it made my head and jaw hurt and it was gross to me at the time i could not play in tune and i ate in orchestra class all the time instead of paying attention maybe thats why i got worse as i got older, but thats okay because with pianos you dont need to worry about playing in tune but im tempted to pick the violin up again and maybe even try viola...because violas are better i dont care what violin nerds have to say :P

Tagging:

@smolshooky @jincendio @yosunyoongi @heyitsminyoongi @yoongisugameow @xbabyboysx @cpt-falcon @roseghostly @kpoplittleheadcannon @shin-kun1995 @weezbelyse @blackzwaan-yoongi @minsugas-ass @sunshines-babie @agustkeys

if you see this but arent tagged, feel free to do it anyway!

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kingexplosionfucker · 4 years

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Stay on the inside

Don’t let your secret out

Reveal the landslide

That’s always pouring

Down, down like the rain

Can you see me drowning?

So I’ll breath in, I’ll breathe out

So sick of holding it down

Where no one sees

This mess of me

It’s okay, I’m alright

Even though I’m dying inside

I’m too afraid to die

And I despise

This world I see through bloodshot eyes

And though it seems Ive sealed my fate

My life’s a canvas, I will paint

An image of myself I hate

But can anyone relate?

In the midst of life and death

Living under this regret

If I give up, will I find rest?

‘Cause I haven’t found it yet

My mind’s such a mess

I can’t handle it

I’m at the end of my rope

I’m so sick of this

Just so over it

Why won’t you let me let go?

My neck is breaking, body shaking

Sometimes it’s so hard to breathe

But no one sees

It follows me

I always end up underneath

The weight of the world

I don’t like, like myself very much

Despite all your kind words

Can’t explain why I’m hurting myself

But it feels deserved

I’ve learned to suffer silently

Fight a war every day so no one sees

It’s torture always remembering

I don’t want them to think I’m weak

So I bite my tongue until it bleeds

The weight of this is breaking me

To keep it under lock and key

I cannot close my eyes

I cannot fall asleep

Suffocating in doubt

All night face-down

Drowning in this memory

It has me paralyzed

It’s always haunting me

My past is taking over me

Would anyone want me

If they knew what was inside my head?

Would anyone see me

For the person that I really am?

I won’t lie

So hard to hide

I’ve never felt worthy of love

I would give up everything I have

Just to feel good enough

Would anyone care?

Would anyone cry?

If I finally stepped off this ledge tonight?

Would anything change?

Would you all be just fine?

‘Cause I need a reason to not throw the fight

It just might save my life

I would rather die tonight

Then let you down one more time

Sick of coming undone

Letting down everyone

Mediocre at best

Maybe better off dead

Am I a failure from birth?

Is misery what I deserve?

Am I just so void of love

That I’m never good, never good enough?

I bury my rage so

No one else will ever see

High on the pain, I

Will always be a slave to the darkest part of me

Shaking hands, cannot catch my breath

It’s 3am and I'm scared to death

My darkest side has come alive

Can't hide the hell I live in every day

This is killing me

I can barely breathe

No one knows what's inside of me

Too late too fit in

Don’t you dare pretend

You know what it’s like

To watch the world outside while you’re buried alive

Tell me why anybody would pretend

And choose a life they would want to end

And ever feed this anxiety

I think I got a lot of friends

But I don’t hear from them

What’s another night all alone

When you’re spending every day on your own

And maybe when the night is dead

I’ll crawl into my bed

I’m staring at these four walls again

I'll try to think about the last time

I had a good time

Everyone’s got somewhere to go

What the hell is wrong with me?

Don’t fit in with anybody

How did this happen to me?

I've made my mistakes

Got nowhere to run

The night goes on

As I’m fading away

I’m sick of this life

I just want to scream

Everybody’s screaming

I try to make a sound

But no one hears me

I’m slipping off the edge

I’m hanging by a thread

I want to start this over again

So I try to hold

Onto a time

When nothing mattered

And I can’t explain what happened

And I can't waste the things that I've done

I know I’m a mess

And I wanna be someone

Someone that I’d like better

I can never forget so

Don’t remind me of it forever

What if I just pulled myself together?

Would it matter at all?

What if I just tried not to remember?

Would it matter at all?

All the chances that have passed me by

Would it matter if I gave it one more try?

Would it matter at all?

Looking for something that is real

I can’t remember how to feel

The moments pass before my eyes

Make it hard to say goodbye

Staring straight into the sun

Life pouring from my hands like dust

Empty heart and jet black lungs

Would have I become?

I don’t feel at all

Like I did when I was young

No rhyme or reason

For the war behind these

Eyes, don’t get too close

Do you see what I see?

Haunted like a ghost

I’m never free

I'd rather pretend I'm something better than

These broken parts

Pretend I'm something other than

This mess that I am

'Cause then I don't have to look at it

And no one gets to look at it

No, no one can really see

'Cause I've learned to slam on the brake

Before I even turned the key

Before I make the mistake

Before I lead with the worst of me

I never let them see

The worst of me

‘Cause what if everyone saw?

What if everyone knew?

Would they like what they saw?

Or would they hate it too?

Will I just keep on running away

From what's true?

All I ever do is run

So how will I step in

Step into the sun

#poetry #song lines #depression #self harm #suicidal thoughts #suicide #suicidal

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lesbiankiliel · 4 years

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ao3 tag game!

my darling @hobbitunderthemountain tagged me thanks kat ilysm!!

AO3 Name: Skyrissian (ErinacchiLove) Fandoms: atm mainly star wars but also the hobbit and occasionally some other fandoms Number of Fics: 44 published on ao3, my total fic count in my laptop fic folder is much higher (it has every fic I’ve written since I was 12)

1. Fic you spent the most time on: technically amnâs but it’s been on hiatus since 2018 (started it in 2015) so the return of hope in reality I guess (started it in january 2018)

2. Fic you spent the least time on: A Cold on which I spent a grand total of three hours or so

3. Longest fic: The Return of Hope at 90k published, total word count will probably be around 95k

4. Shortest fic: Three in the morning (192 words)

5. Most hits: Amnâs (9586 hits as we speak)

6. Most kudos: The One in the Waiting Room (465 kudos)

7. Most comment threads: The Return of Hope on the grounds that it’s my longest ongoing fic (24 chapters atm and 162 comment threads)

8. Fave fic you wrote: once again The Return of Hope, I think everything in it has worked out the way I wanted, even when I didn’t know I didn’t want it to work out the way it did (like I did not expect to include the ghost crew when I started it but there they are and I love them). I also really love Another Kind of Hope, as I think I managed to do the whole twin swap thing well - but also the scoundrel swap! (hey from now on if we swap han and lando’s roles can it be called scoundrel swap?)

9. Fic you want to rewrite/expand on:

oh so many!

Another Kind of Hope practically demands a sequel since it’s episode iv and I have started figuring out how episode v would work out

The Return of Hope already has a bunch of side-fics but I’m also tempted to write a one-shot on what happened after the end

Far Longer Than Forever aka my very first Hobbit fic, I’d love to rewrite it to include some stuff I originally planned but didn’t write in it for some reason (and add lesbian kiliel in)

The most unexpected and wonderful things aka my star wars pride parade fic that also has a sequel and I’m thinking of writing a third part this year that would be centered around lando coming out as genderfluid

10. Share a bit of a WIP or share a story idea you’re planning: this is from this years star wars big bang (I don’t wanna spoil the end of the return of hope lol)

Hosnian Prime did turn out to be a formality for the most part, just as Lando had predicted. The newly elected president, Chaelisa Yongwon, was a cheerful young woman, and a stark contrast to Senator Xiono. She was already expecting them when they landed, and instantly said that all the official business had been taken care of already.

“I thought you might want to enjoy our annual Star Festival rather than be stuck in negotiations,” President Yongwon said, “so I handled all the agreements and all you need to do is give them a read and sign them. There’s really nothing new in them that Senator Xiono hasn’t already brought up in the Senate.”

Lando and Luke glanced at each other. So instead of getting stuck at work they got to have a small vacation already? Well, they were not going to mind that at all.

“Thank you, Madam President,” Lando answered. “I’ll be sure to do that immediately so it won’t take time from the festivities.”

President Yongwon waved her hand in a dismissive manner. “Please, just call me Chaelisa in private, both of you,” she looked at Luke, who seemed surprised to be acknowledged like this. “Being called Madam President makes me feel like I’m at least fifty.”

Lando chuckled and promised to do so. Chaelisa smiled and asked if they wanted accommodations in the presidential palace for their stay. The festival was going to last the whole week, and staying somewhere more spacious than the consular ship, as nice as it was, sounded like a good idea, so Lando and Luke agreed.

“Not gonna lie,” Luke said when they had been escorted to the apartment where they would be staying for the week, “this is not what I expected at all.”

“Me neither,” Lando answered as he took off his cape and settled it into the closet next to the entrance hall. “But I’m not gonna complain. Getting to go to a festival is infinitely more fun than any negotiations.”

“I thought it was a ball, not a festival, though.”

Lando rubbed his chin and checked his datapad. “Apparently there is a ball on the last day of the festival. So that’s more or less our only absolute obligation. Otherwise… I think we’re free to do what we want.”

Luke smiled and after taking his boots off headed inside the apartment. “Bodyguard duty number one, always check the premises!” he announced, making Lando laugh. Like something bad really could happen to them there. The security here was tight; there wasn’t much of a chance anything got past the radar.

“Uh, Lando?” Luke called from somewhere within the apartment. “We have a problem.”

And of course everything was too good to be true.

Lando found Luke at what he assumed was the bedroom doorway. “What’s wrong?”

Luke sighed and shook his head. “There’s only one bed.”

wonder what will happen? xD

tagging @crystalfoxfics @missaristocrat @vtforpedro @elinanori and any writer who wants to do this!

#tagging game #about me #erina's writings

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freddiesaysalright · 5 years

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My Man Part V

A Ben!Roger Taylor x Reader Fic

Summary: Reader is a Broadway actress currently starring in a West End production of Funny Girl. She’s a widow, thanks to the Vietnam War, but it’s a well-kept secret. She also wants everyone to think she doesn’t care for rock music. She met Roger Taylor when he brought his date backstage. They didn’t start off great, but a party at Freddie’s turned them around. Now, they’re friends. A new opportunity has presented itself to her, but Roger is suspicious of the circumstances.

Word Count: 3.5K

Tag List: @bohemian-war @kittygirlno @rebelrebelyourefaceisamess @rockyroadthepastryarchy @goodoldfashionedloverboyy @jennyggggrrr @discodeacygotmorerhythm @x1975sos @slytherinxval @cyndagoaway @doingalrightt @lovvliies @hopefully-aesthetically-pleasing If you’d like to be added, let me know!

Part I Part II Part III Part IV

A/N (Please read carefully!): Warning! This part has an attempted sexual assault. A couple things I promise for this: 1) It doesn’t last long, 2) I will be telling you exactly where it starts and stops so you can skip it if you choose, and 3) It’s not just for shock value/drama, there’s a plot reason. If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. You are not alone. RAINN Sexual Assault hotline: US & Canada: 1-888-407-4747 International:+1 202-501-4444 They also offer live chat :)

Part V! Here we go!

The next day, you carefully decided what to wear to the meeting with the director, whose name was Mark Hudson. You were actually a fan of his from seeing his production of The Music Man a few years ago back in New York. It was amazing and you were thrilled to see what he could do with a Rodgers and Hammerstein classic like Oklahoma. You decided on a dress, to look more demure like Laurie. It also hugged your body in the right places, which you liked for auditions and meetings so that directors could see your type.

As the afternoon closed in, you felt your nerves begin to flutter around in your stomach. It had been a while since you’d gone for a new role. Your New York agent had secured Fanny for you before you even got to London, so you were feeling a little unsure. You fidgeted with your hair once more, sweeping it into a bun before leaving your flat early so you would appear punctual.

Your agent told you to go straight to Mark’s room when you arrived. He was in 317, so you walked straight past the front desk and got the lift. You pressed the button for the third floor and waited for the doors to close, feeling your heart rate increase with excitement. You couldn’t believe you were on your way to get your dream role.

With a soft ding, the doors opened for you on the third floor. You made your way down the carpeted hallway, and held tighter to your purse with anticipation. Luckily, the room was toward the front of the corridor so you didn’t have to go far. With a deep breath to calm yourself down, you knocked gently on the door.

When it swung open, you were face to face with Mark. He was a handsome man - dark hair, light brown eyes, and a strong jaw. He clearly took care of himself as well. His biceps and pecs were threatening to tear the tight t-shirt he had on.

“Y/N!” he cried, clearly delighted and extending his hand. “It’s wonderful to meet you, kid! I’m a big fan!”

“Likewise, Mr. Hudson!” you returned, shaking his hand as he let you inside. “I’m so thrilled you thought of me for Oklahoma. I’ve wanted to be Laurie since I was six.”

He laughed, closing the door behind you. “I’m happy to give you the opportunity. Please, come in.”

You followed him further into the room. It was a standard hotel room, but large with a desk on one side toward the window. He poured himself a glass of brandy.

“Would you like one?” he offered.

You shook your head. “No, thank you. I’d rather get straight to business.”

“Very serious, I see,” he said, sounding impressed. “I like that. So, I’ve seen you in Funny Girl and your agent sent me the rest of your resume. You’ve definitely got the singing chops to be my Laurie. My only concern is your dance experience.”

He took a seat at the desk and motioned for you to sit across from him. You did.

“What about it?” you asked.

“Well, you’re not a ballerina,” he said. “And the show does have a ballet in the first act.”

“I’m familiar,” you said. “But trust me when I say, I am willing to work hard to learn. My ballroom training can help me, and I’ve done bits of ballet in other shows.”

“I believe you, kid,” he said. He grabbed a cigarette from the box on the desk and looked at you before lighting it. You noticed his eyes lingered a moment on your chest. “Do you mind?”

Used to Roger’s smoking habit, you said, “Not at all.”

After taking a long drag, he looked you up and down again. “You are beautiful, you know that?”

“Thank you,” you replied, looking at your lap as a blush spread across your cheeks.

He groaned. “Oh, I love the look of humility on a woman.”

You shifted uncomfortably in your chair. You didn’t know how to answer that.

“I’m gonna level with you, Y/N,” he said. “I wanna give you this part.”

You grinned. “Really?! Oh, Mr. Hudson, that’s great news!”

“Don’t get too excited,” he said. “There’s something I’d like you to do for me first.”

“You want me to keep it a secret that you didn’t have me audition?” you guessed.

“Actually,” he said, rising from his seat and moving to stand over you. He put his hand to your cheek and then slid it down to your neck. You wondered if he could feel your pulse quicken. “I had something else in mind.”

You had to play dumb. “I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

“I think you do,” he insisted, glancing between you and the bed.

You got to your feet, brushing his hand away. Anger roiled in your stomach at the audacity to suggest such a thing.

“Mr. Hudson,” you said. “There are some things I am unwilling to do for my career. I am a married woman, after all.”

“I know your husband is dead,” he said, and he took hold of your arm, squeezing. “You’re not married. And I know you’re not with Roger Taylor either.”

“Would it matter if I was?” you replied, trying to stall. His grip on you was like a chain and he was blocking your path to the door.

“Not even a little bit,” he whispered and then yanked you into him.

****HERE’S WHERE THE SEXUAL ASSAULT STARTS. SKIP TO THE NEXT SET OF STARS IF YOU DON’T WANT TO READ****

You held your lips closed as he tried to kiss you, struggling against his hold. You brought your hands to his face and started to shove him away. He stepped back, but he still had a hand around your arm.

“Let me go!” you demanded, attempting to pull it free, and trying to maintain your calm. You hoped your voice didn’t betray how scared you were. “Now!”

“As an actress, I thought you’d be better at taking direction!” on the last word, he brought back his free hand and slapped you hard across the face.

The sound cracked like a whip through the mostly empty hotel room and the force was enough to knock you off your feet. You were so stunned, you didn’t even know if you cried out. The skin around your eye was already throbbing. He let go of your arm as you hit the ground, only to shove his fingers into your hair, his nails scraping your scalp. Your hair fell around your face as it lost its style.

You whimpered as he pulled you up and tossed you - your body limp from shock - onto the bed. You tried to gather your thoughts, but you couldn’t focus. You cheek hurt, your scalp stung, and you didn’t know if you wanted to cry or yell.

Quickly, he crawled on top of you. Out of instinct alone, you brought your leg up to try and kick him off. He grabbed both your knees and sat on them, holding you down with his legs. You squirmed with your upper half to try and wriggle free, to no avail. As his hands came down toward the straps of your dress, you tried to slap them away.

“NO!” you screamed. “GET OFF OF ME!”

His hand seemed to snap in place around your throat, and all noise ceased as you now fought for breath. It made your head swim and your vision go blurry.

“Be quiet, or I’ll make you,” he warned through gritted teeth.

With that, he let you breathe as he grabbed the strap of your dress and ripped it. He pulled the neck line down to reveal your breast. You felt a pang of regret at not wearing a bra. He took hold of it and squeezed so hard you yelped in pain. You grabbed his arm to try and pull his hand away, but he was too strong. With his other hand, he mirrored his actions on your other breast. It was so painful you felt a tear leak out and roll down your cheek.

When he let go at last, you let out a breath of relief, but not for long. He sat back, took hold of the hem of your dress, and shoved it up your thighs. You shivered with the cold blast of air that hit your legs. He grinned, and then your eyes went wide as he started to unbuckle his belt. Something surged in you, and you brought back your right hand to swing it as hard as you could onto his left ear.

“Fuck!” he cried, and his legs let up just enough for you to get a foot out from under them, which you drove hard into his chest, forcing him off you at last.

****END OF SEXUAL ASSAULT****

When he fell to the side, you scrambled away as fast as you could and hurtled for the door. You didn’t turn to see if he pursued you as you tugged on the handle and fled down the hall. When you got to the stairwell, you thought enough to hold your dress over your exposed chest, but you did not stop running. Your lungs felt like they were on fire as you went. You tore through the lobby, ignoring all the stares and shouts of surprise from onlookers. You had to get to the studio.

When you rounded the corner to the street the recording studio was on, you slowed to a walk. Your chest heaved with your winded lungs. You felt heavy and like every part of you was sore. You could not process what just happened. Those sort of things happened to other people. You were supposed to be going to tell Roger you got the part. How were you going to tell Roger this? Shame crawled over your skin and you felt dirty all of a sudden.

More tears welled up in your eyes as you went through everything you were feeling. Shame, anger, regret, guilt, sadness. It was too much. You heart couldn’t take it. It was beating so hard you thought it was trying to escape from your rib cage. You wanted to go with it. To shed your skin and become a person who had never been touched by Mark Hudson. You wanted Roger, too, but you felt a little afraid to face him. He knew this would happen and you felt so stupid for not listening.

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Even so, you continued on your way to the studio. You could see it now. The front door was your refuge. You looked over your shoulder finally, to be sure Mark wasn’t following you. To your great relief, he wasn’t. Swallowing through the tightness in your throat, you opened the door to the studio.

You had been before so you knew where to go. You walked down the hall, and to the door of the booth. When you opened it, you saw Mary there with Paul, Jim Beach, and John Reid.

“Christ,” she gasped. “Y/N, what’s happened to you?”

You opened your mouth to speak, but couldn’t form words. What had just happened to you? How could you even begin? You couldn’t. You let out a wail and fell into Mary’s arms. She held you tight, rubbing comforting circles on your back.

“Roger, you better get in here!” Reid called.

The whole band came in, and when they saw you, they shot questioning looks at Mary. She took hold of your shoulders and had you look up.

“Y/N, what’s going on?” she asked again.

Through your tears, you took in Roger’s familiar form, and you felt so awful. He looked at you with an confusion and worry.

“Roger,” you began, your bottom lip quivering. “Roger, I…” you didn’t finish, as you darted over to the nearest trash bin and vomited into it.

“Shit!” Roger hissed and knelt down beside you. From this angle, he could see the damage to your dress and the purple bruises blooming across your skin.

You couldn’t look at him. He reached out for you, but you recoiled.

“No, don’t touch me!”

He stopped, clearly hurt, and gave you some space. Then you watched him ball his hand into a fist as he jumped to his feet.

“I’m gonna kill him,” he said, and stormed toward the door.

“No, Rog, wait!” Brian urged, grabbing hold of Roger’s arm.

“Let go, I’m gonna murder that piece of shit!” Roger yelled. “Get the fuck off me, Brian!”

The idea of Roger leaving caused you to panic. You extended a trembling hand and grabbed a fistful of his shirt, tugging lightly. He turned to look at you and his face softened. Finally, you met his eyes. It was the first time since you’d known him you saw tears in them.

“Don’t leave me, Roger,” you begged. “Please don’t leave me.”

“Oh, my darling,” he sighed as he knelt down again. “Can I...can I hold you?”

You considered it. You desperately wanted his embrace but you felt so undeserving of it. If you had only listened to him!

“Please, Y/N,” he said again.

“I’m sorry,” you said, your voice thick with emotion. “I’m so sorry, Roger.”

“What the hell are you apologizing for?” he asked, as gently as he could.

“You knew this would happen,” you explained. “I was such an idiot. I should have listened to you. I’m so, so sorry.” You broke down again. “I don’t…I don’t deserve you.”

“I can’t even begin to tell you how wrong you are,” he replied, and he choked a little on the last word. “This isn’t your fault, Y/N, do you hear me? This is in no way your fault.”

You began to shiver. You couldn’t accept his words, either. All you could do was look at him and feel the whirlwind that swirled through your heart. You hardly even noticed when Brian generously draped his jacket over your shoulders, careful not to actually touch you.

“Roger,” Mary said. “She needs to be taken to hospital. That way they can report it to the police.”

“No,” you said. “I don’t want to report it.”

“Y/N,” John said. “If he ra -”

“He didn’t,” you interrupted. “He just tried to.”

You thought this might make you all feel better, but it didn’t. You were still a shivering mess on the floor, wounded in ways far beyond the bruises.

“You should at least tell your agent,” Reid said. “If it were someone I was managing, I would want to know.”

“Would that be alright?” Roger asked you.

You nodded. After all, Stephen would be calling to find out how it went. You’d have to tell him something.

Freddie squatted down in front of you. “Can you put your arms through the sleeves, darling?” he asked. “I’ll zip you up.”

You gave him a frightened glace and he held his hands away from you.

“I won’t touch you, I promise.”

Holding the top of your dress, you slipped your arms into the jacket one at a time. You sat up a little and held it up again while Freddie reached out and deftly hooked the zipper and pulled it all the way up. You were certain you looked ridiculous, but that didn’t matter now.

“Mary, could you help her up?” he asked, backing away.

“Sure,” she said, and put her arm around your shoulders. “Come on, love. Up you get.”

With her help, you pushed yourself onto your feet. John took a step toward you.

“Hold out your hand, Y/N,” he said.

You did so, but Mary had to hold it still. He dropped a mint into your open palm.

“Thank you,” you whispered, bringing it to your mouth. The flavor helped you feel fresher and settled your still unruly stomach.

“Let’s go,” Roger said.

You and Mary followed him out the door, quiet as a funeral procession. When you got to the street, Roger looked in the direction of the hotel and his jaw clenched. Mary hailed a cab. You gave the driver the address of Stephen’s office. As he pulled into the traffic, you found yourself numb. What had been a storm of feelings had slowed to a flat lake. You wanted to sleep or get drunk. To be anything but what you were in this moment.

When you arrived at the office, you told the receptionist you needed to see Stephen right away. She paged him and then told you to go ahead inside. The three of you entered, he took in the sight of you, and he looked down.

“Oh, no,” he sighed. “Did he get carried away?”

Roger lost his shit. In seconds, he had taken Stephen by the collar and slammed him into the opposite wall. Mary gasped, and held you a little tighter.

“You knew?!” he shouted. “You fucking knew this would happen and you sent her over there anyway?!”

Stephen whimpered. “I - I didn’t know he would get violent!”

The flat lake stirred up as you matched Roger’s feelings.

“You - ” you started but caught yourself choking on the betrayal. “You knew he wanted me to fuck him for the part?”

Stephen couldn’t meet your eyes. “I thought you’d...many actresses do that sort of thing...and he needed…” he trailed off.

“No,” you said, unsure where this strength was coming from. “Finish that sentence.”

“He’s an old friend of mine,” Stephen said. “He said it had been a while for him and he wanted you.”

Roger punched Stephen in the face, sending your agent’s head back, spit and blood bursting from his mouth.

“SO YOU THOUGHT YOU’D JUST WHORE HER OUT SO YOUR MATE COULD GET OFF?!” Roger bellowed. “FUCK YOU!”

He punched Stephen three more times.

“Roger!” Mary interjected, before he could strike again. “That’s enough!”

He released Stephen, who slumped to the floor.

“You’re fired,” Roger said.

“With all due respect, Mr. Taylor,” Stephen returned, blood dribbling from his split lip. “You can’t - ”

“You’re fired,” you cut across him. You looked at Roger and Mary. “Take me home.”

Roger stormed out, you and Mary on his heels. You could hardly remember getting back to your flat, but you were so relieved when you did. Then you weren’t. George’s photo sent another wave of guilt over you. Mark’s words echoed in your mind: you’re not married...you’re not with Roger Taylor either...

You squeezed your eyes shut. Then, your heart wrenching, you removed your wedding band. You walked over to the mantle and placed it before George’s picture, inwardly sending him an apology. But you couldn't wear it. You weren’t George’s anymore. You weren’t Roger’s. You belonged only to yourself. Oddly, the thought made you feel better. More free. But also pretty lonely.

“Are you alright?” Roger asked.

“No,” you told him. “Nothing is alright.”

“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” Mary said. “But I’ve got to get to work. Are you gonna be okay if I leave?”

You looked at Roger and held his gaze as you answered. “Yeah. I’m safe now.”

She left. A heavy silence hung in the air. Roger took a step toward you before stopping himself. You moved slightly in his direction and he looked at you thoughtfully.

“I should change,” you said, and disappeared into your room.

You were still shaking as you peeled off Brian’s jacket, followed by your dress. You saw yourself in the mirror at last and took in the sight. You didn’t even look like you. Especially since you’d never had a black eye before. No one had ever hit you before. None of this had ever happened to you before. You thought you might break down again, but you held it together as you grabbed some sweats and a tank top from your drawer. When you were finished, you padded back out to Roger, who had taken a seat on the couch. His leg was bouncing and his hands were in fists again. His knuckles were purple from hitting Stephen, and there was a light spatter of blood on the end of his sleeve.

“Roger,” you said, and he stood up immediately. You held out the jacket. “I’ll let you bring this back to Brian.”

He took it and then looked back at you. “You want me to go?”

You shook your head. “No. I don’t ever want you to leave.”

Now the emotions were coming again. When would this back and forth ever end? You could see he was itching to comfort you somehow. To wipe the tear from your cheek, or hug you, or anything to ease the pain. He tossed the jacket onto the couch.

“What can I do?” he asked.

“Hold me, please,” you said in a voice so small you were surprised he heard you.

You were ready for his touch at last. You could still feel Mark’s hands on your skin, and you wanted Roger’s arms to take it away. He obliged, and wrapped them around you. Your buried your face in his chest and sobbed. You absurdly noticed how nice he smelled. It was something uniquely Roger and it brought you such a sense of peace. You never wanted to move from this place for the rest of your life.

#queen #roger taylor x reader #ben hardy x reader #roger taylor x you #ben!roger x reader #ben hardy #ben!roger taylor #ben!roger imagine #roger taylor #queen imagine #roger taylor imagine #freddie mercury #rami malek #brian may #gwilym lee #john deacon #joe mazzello #queen fanfic #my man series

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mytrashs-blog · 5 years

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Alter Ego ch. 3 “Ipsum Invenies”

Spideychelle, Peter Parker x Reader, slow burn fic, Enhanced reader.

Word Count: 2,158

Warnings: PTSD, nightmares, police being assholes, victim blaming. Mentions of rape and traumatic experiences

Summary: “When you can do the things that I can, but you don’t, and then the bad things happen, they happen because of you.”

A/N: third chapter already! I’m really enjoying writing this and believe me that the plot thickens a lot more in the next chapter, but I would love it if you reblogged this if you enjoyed it, because it gets sad when I spent so long writing just for it to get only likes. Anyways, the taglist is still open, and just one ask away. Hope you enjoy this :) xx

Ch. 2 “Organorum” Ch. 4 “Perficiendi”

“You’re not gonna believe this.” you look at your roomate and you can’t believe it yourself, she looks at you corncerned, but she follows when you start walking towards your room. The apartment is made of two rooms, one bathroom and a small kitchen that’s right by the living room, there’s not that much space, but the five steps it took to get to your room door gave you enough time to think about the next thing you’d say: “Okay, you know how almost all the Avengers and superheores these days got their “special abilities” out of some kind of experiment, right? Like, Captain America is strong and super hot because of the weird thing they did to him during World War II, and the same with Winter Soldier. And then Scarlett Witch also got experimented on and stuff, you follow?”

“Yes, but what are you on about? Are you gonna call your parents or not?”

“Okay, so when the uber dropped me, tied and naked in the middle of fucking nowhere, assuming I was dead, someone took me as a lab rat. I woke up in a lab-like bed and they injected some shit on me and it basically made me feel like they set my veins on fire. Then I fainted and they dropped me in a lake because they thought I was dead, but I wasn’t. And I got out of the water. I untied myself and got out of the lake. They did took me to the hospital and they did give me some IV stuff, but when I got there I didn’t have any bruises or wounds or scars from any encounter I faced. And this morning the thing with the lady happened and… Oh my god… I think I…”

“Did you become a superhuman?”

“I think so” You reply while you look at your hands, anxious to unveil exactly what your new abilities are. “Let’s see, we know I might heal fast, I have a danger sensor, the world looks a lot wider and all my senses are like 10 times more intense… how do I know what else is going on?”

“Do you wanna google Superheroes and their super powers?” your roomie asks while taking her phone out.

“Yes, brilliant idea!” You reply as you get closer to her to take a look at her phone screen. The results end up being written down in a list. You get rid of the obvious ones like Ironman, who doesn’t actually have powers, or Thor who is an actual God. Once you get to the enhanced people, the party begins, it’s a funny and interesting scene.

“So Captain Great Ass has over developed muscle tissue and brain, which means he’s like super strong and intelligent… What can you lift to test your strenght?” She says while looking around the room. “Lift the bed.”

“I’ve always been able to lift that.” You’re looking for something harder. “Let’s see if I can lift one of the cars outside!” you suggest while looking at the widow.

“Don’t you care about being seen? I mean, some super people like to keep their identity hidden.”

“Oh, c’mon! I might not even be able to lift it.” But you could, as if it was not heavier than your matress, you lifted the car and you placed it back down before losing your mind. Neither you or your roomie could believe what was going on.

And your day was spent like that until you came up with the definitive list of abilities you possess now. You realized you share a lot of powers with Spider-man: super strenght, adhesive fingertips, the danger sense that made you feel the lady was in risk was very similar to his spider sense and it’s the same that made all of your normal senses shoot up, but besides all that, you also have some hyper flexibility, a slight super speed, and some kind of mind control, but you didn’t get too far with that because it gave you and your roomie a terrible headache.

“Are you finally going to call your parents?” She asks as she hands you a pill for the headache, though it was already going away, you take the pill hoping it’d give you the will of facing your parents and telling them what happened to you, but frankly, it isn’t a thing you wanna talk about with anbody.

“I guess I have to, but I really don’t know what to say.” You put your head in your hands to hide the tears welling up in your eyes, you try to even your breathing to not break in front of her.

“Start by telling them you’re alive and fine. You’ll tell them the rest when you feel ready.” She puts her phone in front of you, you take it and dial your house land line number. It doesn’t take long until someone picks up and you hear your mother’s voice.

“Hello.” She says and immediately, the tears start falling down your eyes uncontrollably, you hadn’t realized just how much you needed to hear your mother’s voice.

“M-mom…” you sob out.

“(Y/N), my little girl, tell me it’s actually you, please.” She says and she’s crying too.

“Yes mom, it is me. I’m fine, I’m home now. I woke up in a hospital, but Sebastian helped me, I’m fine.”

“Oh, (Y/N)! My little girl! I’m so happy to hear you alive and fine. The police told us they were trying to find the body, said there was no chance for you to still be alive, but they were wrong, they were wrong in not trying to find the bastard that did this to you, but God sees everything and he’ll put them in their place. My little girl, I love you so much!”

“I love you too, mom… wh- what do you mean they’re not looking for the driver?”

“No, when we went to press the charges, they turned it around to us, they said a woman had no place being out so late, much less wearing short shorts and thin shirt, that maybe you were asking for it, they said you have a reputation in uni of dating around and they decided it was your fault you got what happened to you.” Your blood boils, not because they said all that about you, but becuase you’ve heard the same crap before, with every case of someone gone missing it was always because they were in the wrong path, they were drinking or doing drugs, they were women traveling by themselves, they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, or they were simply racially profiled. It was never the agressor’s fault, it was always the victim’s responsability. And your parents had to listen to all that bullshit, only because some people are too lazy to do their job.

After making sure that both your mother and father believe you that you’re okay and very much alive in your apartment, you hang up and got out of the place. Your roomate was probably off watching some movie in her room so she didn’t hear you come out. You walk as far as you can, you’re mad, but these new abilities give you a new hope, you might be able to do something with this. Not doing so would give that uber driver and many more perverts free passage to keep abusing inoccent people like you, but it’s not like you can just walk into his house and punch him with your brand new super strenght, because to start with, you don’t even know where he lives, plus you gotta protect yourself now, because what if you go around flaunting your new powers and the people that put them there find you? They’re not the kindest people judging by their modus operandi. Would they come to find you and finish what they started?

You get back home a little before midnight, you walk in peacefully, your roomate sitting in a chair in front of the only table of the apartment.

“Where were you? You can’t keep dissapearing like that, you don’t even have a phone and I really don’t wanna go through the same shit I did two weeks ago.”

“Believe me, I share the feeling more than anyone. I was walking… thinking. You can’t tell anyone about my powers, I have to go back to my normal life with the least amount of fuss posible. I have a plan to go after that bastard driver, but he can’t know it’s me… I need a suit… and to learn how to use all I’ve got.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I don’t want anyone to live through the shit show I had to live through, because it is a fucking hell, Lexi!”

“So what? You’re gonna dress up and go after criminals just like that? You’re crazy if you think I’m gonna allow that, you can’t put yourself at risk like that! You might be very strong and you might be able to stick to walls and all that shit, but you’re not bulletproof, you might get killed. What am I gonna tell your parents? I already had to tell them you might be dead once, I don’t want to tell them for sure that you are!”

“Lexi… I’m not gonna go find him today. I have to train or something. I don’t know how to fight and I don’t know how to control everything I can do, I’ve gotta get used to my new way of perceiving the world and I need a plan. And I might not be bulletproof, but I can make a suit that is, or that at least can put up a fight.”

“(Y/N) are you even listening to yourself? You want to go find some crazy dude that raped you, tortured you, assumed you were dead and dumped you in the middle of nowhere like garbage! You really wanna go after him?

“He didn’t assume I was dead, he did kill me in a way… and I want to avenge the part of me that died tied, naked and humiliated in the dirt, because aparently the justice system in this country won’t do it, you understand? My country didn’t give one single fuck about my wellbeing, to them I deserved to end up like that for going out at night in shorts!” You don’t know how or when you started crying, but the tears felt hot against your skin with uncontrolable sobs and memories you’d rather block from your mind. Lexi, your roomate hugs you and caresses your hair until you relax a little.

“If you have to do this, I’ll help you.”

“Thank you.”

…

Peter had made some progress in his research, had a few leads to follow, this was not the only case, there were some cases going all the way to Mexico with the same characteristics, and there was a full investigation that linked that to one of the most important mafias in the world, but nobody ever knows where they’re located, they have people all over the world, Peter can’t simply drop everything and follow some mafia all around the world, he’s in his senior year of high school, he’s graduating soon, he has MIT to worry about now, plus his relationship with MJ is going steady and they’re going to prom together. He can’t just walk away from all this to put himself at risk of being killed by a mafia so big that is all over the globe, but if he tells Mr. Stark he might end up taking his suit again.

Why not tell him anyway? He can come up with a good excuse as to why or how all this information ended in his hands, he’s a teenger in the 21st century, tech and information are one touch away, right?

“KAREN call Mr. Stark, would you?”

“Calling Tony Stark.” and just a few rings later, Tony answered the phone.

“What’s up, kid?”

“Hi Mr. Stark, I wanted to tell you about some stuff that I read and that I thought you might find interesting, I think it’s got something to do with the experiments.”

“How did you find that?”

“I was doing this essay for my Spanish class and this popped up. I wanted to show it to you in case you want to go do some research to Mexico or something, because I obviously can’t go because I have… homework.” this causes Mr. Stark to giggle, but he didn’t say anything, when the call ended Peter sent all his info, but he still couldn’t stop thinking about the whole matter, how it wouldn’t take long to reach other parts of america, they might be making their way to the south if they already reached mexico, he doesn’t want them to reach any other country. No one has to die anymore.

Taglist: @caeruleum-in-caritate-lupus, @softstarkk, @peterparkerbabyy, @dottirose, @legit-fandom-trash, @carostar2020, @appreciating-chase-brody, @mvmakki

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