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lovingperfectionsblog · 2 years

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Flinch

Max Verstappen x Reader

Requested: Yes

Heyyyyyyy, loved the new max fic! I was hoping you could do a max X (famous) Reader where the reader went through physical and verbal abuse from her parents as a child. Now they've been dating for a while and Max knows she isn't super close to her parents but doesn't know why. And like something max says/does in an argument just triggers her accidentally and she just huffs out of the apartment (not a breakup, just a let's do this later) and max is super pissed cause he doesn't know what he did. Then reader comes back very late at night and Max is sleeping in their room but wakes up when he hears the door open and he goes to check on her and she's just sitting on the floor with her head between her knees and her back to the couch and her shoulders are shaking so max thinks she's crying but she isn't making a sound, and this is where he feels like something is truly wrong (cause he's never seen the reader cry before). Then he walks towards her, and even though he's super silent, she hears his footsteps and she just immediately stops crying and puts on a tough face which makes max suspect her childhood was worse then he thought. He goes and sits and asks her what's wrong and she finally tells him the truth and he comforts her and tells her that he'd never do anything to hurt her.

Summary: Max discovers the abuse his girlfriend had been subjected to as a child after he messes up.

Warnings: Abuse, talking about historic abuse, language.

Word Count: 2448

Authors Note: So this request has been sitting in my inbox for far too long now and honestly I really did want to write this one but truthfully this was a difficult one to write, albeit cathartic because a lot of this is based on my own experiences and the realization of that flinch when you experience when you are in an environment that you are actually safe in is a gut wrenching feeling. So if you like this I am glad, if you don’t, that’s okay, it was helpful to me. If you ever face any abuse or you aren’t even sure you are facing abuse, please reach out. You are not alone (as cliché that may seem), but you are not alone and there are ways to get help and there are ways to make sure you are safe, both mentally and physically, and speaking from experience, all it takes sometimes is doing the thing that everyone tells you is wrong but truly is the best thing for you. Please please be safe and always speak out against abuse and always make sure you are safe, physically, emotionally and mentally. You are loved and cherished and most importantly you are seen.

Also to note, I based a lot of this on the guilt and fear around what you experience and the tactics learnt to survive environments. I hope it is okay and I hope everyone likes it and has a wonderful, safe day <3

_____

“Max, I said I am done talking about this” your voice was low and cold, no longer willing to entertain the argument that Max had started through one of his bad moods.

“And I am not” Truthfully neither of you even knew what this argument was even about at this point, but it was in full swing with Max only gearing up.

Max wishes he could stop, Lord knows he wishes he could stop but once he was in one of these moods it was like his entire brain shut down and all he felt was anger, not thought it, felt it.

He hated that this was your first fight, over something that he couldn’t even remember but the first fight had to happen didn’t it and Max was not about to lose it.

“Max, either you talk calmly so we can discuss the actual issue, or we drop this until you have calmed down” you weren’t willing to just encourage a screaming match because at this point it seemed like you were going around in circles and Max was too angry to listen to any reason.

“The fucking issue is you never fucking support me, or is that something you’re incapable of doing, just tagging a long with the little rich boy for the ride of it all?” the words felt like dirt in his mouth. He knew that realistically you were in the only person in this god forsaken world of his that actually truly did give a shit about him truly, that you actually really did love him, but he was angry, and he wanted to hurt someone, he wanted to hurt you.

“Max, I’m sorry baby, I’ll try harder next time, I didn’t mean to not support you, I’ll do better from now on” you knew you weren’t wrong, but this was the next best option and the sudden fear from Max’s continuous screeching was overwhelming you and backing you into a corner. You were now doing what you had to in order to survive. What they had taught you to survive.

Placate. Agree. Retreat.

Just say okay, just say sorry, hide.

“NO! NO! NO FUCKING SORRY’S NOW Y/N!” Max threw his hands up in the air in frustration, hitting the wall next to him.

And you flinched.

Silence filled the entire room. The entire argument completely over in a second from Max’s actions.

You flinched.

Retreat.

“I have to go” the room suddenly suffocating you.

Max suddenly terrifying you. Too man memories resurfacing from your childhood and if you didn’t get out of there now then Max would find out about it all and that was a conversation you weren’t entire ready to open up about.

Truthfully, if you never had to open up about it then you never would. People don’t exactly understand the type of childhood you had and eventually you get tired of explaining it for them to just turn around and still question why you refuse to let your parents into your life.

And no one had ever seen you flinch.

No one had made you feel vulnerable enough to flinch and you were angry that he had. You were angry that he had made you feel safe and broken down those walls only to do this to you.

In his defence, he didn’t know, and he didn’t need to.

Just. Get. Out.

Max could do nothing other than watch you leave. He didn’t try stop you. He didn’t try and make you stay. He just watched. Entire body frozen, hand still supporting him against the wall.

Every ounce of anger in his body was suddenly replaced with a mixture of shame and confusion.

Did he just make the woman he loves flinch in an argument?

The guilt suddenly consuming him entirely. He had hit the wall and made the woman he planned on one day marrying fucking flinch.

He needed to change. He was never going to do this again. This anger he was done with. This uncontrollable rage needed to go. He needed to do whatever he could to make sure you felt safe. He was never willing to see that fear in your eyes again. A fear he fucking caused.

What the fuck was wrong with him? Maybe he was the monster people thought he was.

Maybe he was his dad after all.

No. No. He was never going to be his father. Never. He was going to be better, and Max did not care what parts of himself he needed to kill off in order to make sure you felt safe around him. To make sure you never had to worry again in his presence. Even if he had to kill off any of the anger that spurred on his driving, it would be worth it.

He was not his father and he needed to be better for you.

Once Max had recovered from the shock of what he had done he was pulling out his phone and making arrangements. First, therapy for his anger issues and realistically, all the childhood ones he faced. Secondly couples’ therapy. When he said he was willing to do anything, he meant absolutely everything. Lastly, he was booking a week away for the both of you. Anything to try and get you to forgive him. Anything to make up for what he had done to you.

_____

Max felt sick as he lay in bed waiting for you to come home, if you were even going to come home.

If you were ever going to come home.

He had been unable to sleep at all and had done nothing but lay in bed checking the time for what felt like hours. In truth it was hours. You had been gone for hours and he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know where you were. He didn’t know if you were safe. You hadn’t taken your phone, just your wallet and house keys. Just those two. Maybe he should get up and check again if you’d taken anything else. Any indication of where you were or might have gone or when you’re coming back and yes, he should probably go and check again.

What was the time? 1:23am.

He needed to know where you had gone. You were smart. You wouldn’t put yourself in danger, would you? You looked so fucking scared of him. Max couldn’t dwell on the look in your eyes for too long or he was sure he was going to get sick, but he couldn’t stop his brain replaying the flinch. Again and again and again and again and noise and flinch and noise and flinch and noise and flinch and now you were gone, and he had no idea where you were and this was all his fault.

He distracted himself by reciting his apology over and over again. In his head and then our loud. Practicing his movements as he lay there, making sure to never raise his hands to high or too quickly. Admonishing himself when he by mistake did.

God, what was the argument even about. He’d lose every single argument from this moment onwards if it meant you never looked at him with fear again and –

That was the front door. Fuck, that was the front door. Relief mixed with shame was an emotion Max had yet to ever experience but my god he was glad he was experiencing the relief part of it right now.

Max was up instantly, making his way towards the lounge where he assumed you were, seeing as he had yet to hear you move any deeper into the house towards him. He got to the door of your bedroom and paused, simultaneously terrified of scaring you further and terrified of what he might find.

Eventually he made he was through the dark house, slowly as to not frighten you, expecting to find you getting ready to make your way to bed but instead he found you, small and enclosed on yourself on the floor in the dark living room.

You sat with your back leaning against the couch, head against your knees as you hugged your legs closer to you, shoulders shuddering every few seconds and Max was confused, but the longer he stood there watching, the more it dawned on him, you were crying.

The sight was so odd to him because as Max wracked his brain for what was happening in front of him, he realised that this was the first time he had ever witnessed you cry and in that moment his heart shattered.

Max took a step closer, hesitant but protective nevertheless, intent on only comforting you now. He must have stepped to hard because in an instant you had shot your head up and were wiping away the tears before turning to look at him. In the moonlight Max could already see a small smile plastered to your face.

“I’m sorry for waking you baby, go back to bed, I promise I’ll be there soon” you immediately began remedying the situation, nervous that any hint at emotion would make him angry.

‘Remember, remove any emotion, then he won’t punish you’ A trick they had taught you to survive.

“You were crying” it’s all Max could say. God was he that socially inept that he couldn’t think of more to say when he just witnessed his girlfriend crying for the first time, ever.

Like, this was weird right? He wasn’t being absurd, how had he never seen you cry before?

“No, no, baby, I’m fine, I promise” you tried your best to reassure him, not wanting to draw any more attention to yourself than you already had.

“I’ve never seen you cry before” why had he never seen you cry before?

“I don’t cry my love” your voice was sickly sweet. You wanted this conversation to be over with. You wanted him to go back to bed.

“That’s not- that’s not healthy” Max made his way over to you, sitting in front of you, placing his hands on your knees, realizing how puffy your eyes, how long, how deeply you had been crying. This wasn’t some fight, this was more, “why?”

“Why what?” there was trepidation in your voice.

“Why don’t you cry?” Max had never tried to be so gentle before in his entire life, but he wanted you to know this was safe, he was safe, you were safe.

You were at a loss for words. Why don’t you cry? You couldn’t exactly tell Max the real reason, but how he sat there, looking at you, begging you to be honest, maybe for the first time ever about this all, maybe you could tell him.

“My dad” you opted to tell the truth, no matter how painful this may be, but if anyone understood, it might be Max, or it might not be and he could leave, but it doesn’t matter anymore, you already started.

“Your dad?” you’d literally avoided any and all conversation about your dad since Max had known you.

“I didn’t exactly have the greatest childhood” you let out a dry chuckled and it made Max’s throat grow dry, he opted to not interrupt, hoping that if he didn’t you’d continue talking, carry on opening up to him about parts of you he had never knew even existed up until now, gently rubbing your knee, letting you know he was here, but you had space.

“I just, he was so” fuck, were you really about to do this. You could already feel your throat closing up, why did you have to be a throat crier?

“God, he was so abusive and I just, I couldn’t do it anymore and as soon as I could I just got them out my life. He always just, I was never good enough, I was always the problem, he just and then he would shout, and I was always so scared. Every time he got home I’d run upstairs to just stay out of his way, everything was always my fault. He was always shouting, and I was just always scared, and my mom always taught me, ‘don’t you dare show emotion, just say you’re right and I’m sorry, and then stay out of his way, it will only make him more mad if you don’t’ and then one day he just, it hurt so much and I just, and then you shouted and raised your hand and hit the wall, and it was just like” a sobbed wracked through your body and suddenly you couldn’t breathe. Gasping through the sobs, tears streaming down your face.

Next minute you felt Max grabbing you and pulling you close to him, instinctively wrapping your arms around him as you buried your face into his neck, sobbing all the while, gripping onto him for dear life and he didn’t reject you, he didn’t scold you, he didn’t blame you, instead he cradled you, held you close, kept you safe and he told you how much he cared, how he was there, how much he loved you.

And most importantly he told how sorry he was. For everything. For your childhood. How he wasn’t able to protect you from your dad then and how he had made you think he would ever do anything remotely similar to the abuse you had experienced before. Especially for how he had made you think that.

After what felt like hours just sitting there and crying and talking and crying some more and him telling you how sorry he is, how he is going to change for you, how safe you were now and about every single therapy session he was going to and you two were going to go to in order to fix this, Max eventually picked you up and carried you to bed.

After getting you changed and tucking you into bed, pulling you close to him and letting you drift off to sleep, he suddenly couldn’t.

His mind was a mixture of relief that you had finally opened up to him and trusted him enough, relief that you felt safe enough to finally cry and anger at what you had experienced, at the abuse you had suffered and most importantly what he had done to you. How he had never seen it, how he had just subjected you to it all over again.

Even as you slept he kept whispering to you, how sorry he was, for everything and how much he loved you and God he promised he was going to change if it was the last thing he did.

Because at the end of it all, he still made you flinch.

#max verstappen #f1 #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #monaco #f1 x reader #Max Verstappen x Reader #Max Verstappen x you #max verstappen x you #f1 blurb #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen x reader #f1 x you

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khaleesiofalicante · 2 years

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I got a headache today so I hope this is somewhat coherent. I loved this chapter, so many nice moments across the board for Rafe and the LB fam too. A few things that made me soft:

Rafe’s evolution.

The thing about Rafe’s closure is it wasn’t this big revelation or moment where everything fell into place. It was like these small realisations that came together to help him see the power he has to take command of his happiness (and that he doesn’t have to do it alone). It was nice to see him still struggling with his ‘automatic’ thinking of needing to help others but redirecting those thoughts to ‘I can help them because I enjoy it’. Instead of doing the work to take care of people he is learning to support them to take care of themselves. It’s like that thing about the difference between manager and a leader, a leader guides people through showing, a manage directs people through telling. What happens when the manager is not there? How do people learn to survive if you are what is keeping them afloat? I saw a big change in Rafe in telling Max to do what makes him happy but to do it for himself, in giving Alec the chance to be sad and not trying to fix anything, of letting Alec seeing 2D Alec! He is learning not to control everything anymore, rather he is choosing to let people make their own decisions and choosing to always protect his peace. He has a choice now and he is finally choosing himself (first).

I think for so long Rafe’s value came from him feeling needed, from him carrying the weight of people’s suffering because he couldn’t bear to see them sad. He was so used to drowning out the noise of pain and sadness that he didn’t realise the toll it was taking on him too. This is definitely a coping mechanism he learnt from living on the streets in Argentina. He had to look after himself for so long, had to learn how to survive, that fear of the unknown that never really leaves you. I’m glad he hit this rock bottom, I’m glad he ran away and stopped trying to think and plan for once. I’m glad he let other people carry some of the weight so he could have the strength to keep on moving forward. It was so touching the way the LB fam stepped in to carry for him, to make his life easier the way he had done for them, so show him he deserve to be happy and feel accomplished without worrying if he’s done enough’ This was a big moment of redemption for them all, through everything they’ve been through with the divorce, they are no longer fragmented, they are working to support each other’s happiness. It makes me so soft 😭

Alec and Rafe’s relationship will always hit me different because they kinda carry each other’s dreams. Alec has always wanted someone to embody what he has created, the legacy of his family name, the work he is doing for the people, his pride and love mirrored back to him. Rafe has always wanted that strong figure to look up to, to feel safe and protected from the world, to know he can do anything because he has a formidable presence always there to catch him. This is why Alec hurting him burnt him so bad, Alec was his anchor, his ‘it doesn’t matter how fucked up shit is, Dad has a plan’. Until he didn’t. Until Rafe realised he needed protection from his protector. I think on the most vulnerable level Rafe trusted Alec with everything he was, he was Rafe’s saviour, the person who gave him a home, gave him a chance to be loved, gave him space to be him. It might have almost felt like abandonment all over again for him, that feeling of having no one but yourself to keep you safe, keep you alive, keep you well.

I liked that fact the we saw Magnus being the one to help Rafe with his clothes for his date and now it was Alec who took on that role. It just shows how far they have come in wanting to support each other in the ways that would usually not be their forte or would make them uncomfortable. I liked seeing Alec be completely vulnerable with Rafe and show him how sorry he was. I think it really showed to Rafe how much his Dad has changed, how much he has realised what he had done was wrong, how he can trust him again and know this time he won’t allow himself to get hurt. He will protect himself but he’ll allow his Dad to protect him too. That mentality of ‘it’s me and you against the problem’. These two are my favs cause I’m sorta a sucker for these intelligent masculine men who have the softest hearts, who aren’t scared to stand in their pain, who fight until they have nothing left to give (but always keep enough for themselves).

Thank you for giving us such a beautiful character in Rafe. Seeing someone else dealing with their anxiety was really touching for me 🥹

Ben

Chaotic but cute. Please give this man some love. Him and Rafe supporting each other to heal makes me so happy. Everyone is just sobering up in this fic! (From coping mechanisms in general)

Anjali

Appreciation only. Girl boss, the Queen, independent, loving, Rafe stan. She is flawless. 💁🏾‍♀️

Max and Shinyun

I love their friendship. The way he knows what she wants but is going to take her for a ride to get it. The way Max (and also Magnus) help her to see there’s more to life than Edom (like family and playing Monopoly lol). I actually think they would work well together if he decided to move to England and work for Edom. He would challenge her in so many ways and push her to be more open to stepping outside of her singular ‘Edom’ minded way of doing things. She would teach Max to channel his fiery energy into something concrete, something that can materialise into a physical success. Kinda sad his pov is done cause it would have been cool to see them together more but I know we are def not done with Shinyun yet.

The LB fam and Shinyun hanging out

This was so cute! I know they weren’t trying to force anything, there was no tension (except Max robbing Shinyun lol), everyone was just doing their own things but also just coexisting in relative ease. It’s so nice to see after everything they have all been through, just putting their differences aside and choosing to be civil with each other. It’s such a nice snapshot into them being around each other in their future. (Ofc we want Magnus to be sitting next to and kiss Alec but baby steps)

Sensitive Alec

Fuck this one got me good. I know we have Alec pov coming up so I won’t go into it too deep but wow. The way he sits with his emotions, gives himself space to feel sad, doesn’t try to hide but rather acknowledges his needs (like excusing himself to go have a cry). Doesn’t allow his anger to explode and be an emotional burden on others. I just love his growth so much. It would have hurt him incredibly seeing Shinyun fill the space he once occupied. Seeing Magnus be so gentle with her, the boys get along with her and how she is a constant in Magnus’ life. Seeing how happy and relaxed Magnus is when he’s around her. It was such a moment when he told Rafe he was happy even though he was crying. That he is accepting what he can’t change and choosing to focus on what he can. That he wants Magnus to be happy even if he can’t be the one to give him what he needs. Ah fuck. I can’t wait to see Magnus’ reaction to sensitive Alec because how can you not fall more in love with this man. How???

I just hope Alec gives himself time to forgive himself for everything.He fucked up bad but he is doing his best. That’s all that matters babe. He’s changed so much. We proud of you.

Malec being a united front

We love mature and loving coparents who pour the love they can’t show each other into wanting their kids to be happy. I’m so glad they finally gave Rafe the choice of what he wants, they aren’t pushing him in any direction, they are being open to learning and giving him space to take the reigns. I think this new Malec is so much more capable of handling the challenges of life, that even though they aren’t a couple they have the love and support of each other to find their way.

—

Can’t believe this is almost over!!! So ready for these Malec povs cause these babes need to just talkkkkk (about love, about life, about happiness, about them)

Song rec for the beautiful and strong Rafe: ‘Love in You’ - Yuphoric & Sedric Perry (because love shines through the darkest winters, calling us home to our refuge)

Song rec for ‘happiness looks good on you’ lovely Malec: ‘Pray For You’ - Jhene Aiko (because love means wishing each other well, always)

Hope you’re doing okay with everything going on in your country 🌸💕

(ok this was meant short, sorry!! I got in my feels 🥹)

Your Rafael analysis was so so so so good. Idk how you do this.

Wow. Just wow.

Just wanted to say thank you for writing such a beautiful analysis every time. The amount of love and thought that goes into this is insane and outstanding.

I loved the song. I have feels now 🥹

#tlnd

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ecoamerica · 1 month

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set-phasers-to-whump · 4 years

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first you get hurt, then you feel sorry

ok so i dont get how max evans aka mr. guilt could have learned that Important Info from sheriff valenti and then like.....not talked about it or anything?? so heres me fixing it, i think this is going to be like multiple parts which ive never really done so,,,,,we will see anyway @deepwoundsandfadedscars thank u for being patient with me lol, hope this is ok!! the title is from first by cold war kids (this is set idk like somewhere in a free moment between like 2x09 and 2x12)

Isobel leans into the familiar warmth of her brother’s side. It’s been a wild couple days, and she thinks she’s probably lucky to get any break from it at all. They’re in the park, and it’s nearly sundown, so it’s virtually empty, apart from the two of them sitting quietly on a bench.

Isobel breaks the comfortable silence between them-she can’t help it, she just has to know the details of Max’s arrest, so she says, “how was prison?” nudging Max with her shoulder and grinning. “Get any tattoos? Join a gang?”

Max sighs, dragging a hand down his face. Isobel turns to her brother and really looks at him-he’s been a little off recently, and there’s a look in his eyes that she knows, and hates, and hates that she knows. Guilt. She frowns and waits for him to speak.

But Max just stares at his feet, saying nothing. Naturally, Isobel presses. “Seriously, Max. I mean, Michael’s got his fair share of drunk-tank stories, but I wanna hear from you. I am the only one of us who’s never been arrested now.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it, okay?” Max snaps. Isobel leans away a little, holding up her hands. “Okay, sorry,” she replies, only growing more curious about Max’s brief stint behind bars.

He sighs again, closing his eyes. “No, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-“

“It’s fine Max, I’m not gonna rip it out of you or anything. I just thought maybe you’d want to talk about it.”

Max makes a hmming sound, leaning his head onto Isobel’s shoulder. After a few minutes of slightly charged silence, he speaks.

“Before she officially arrested me, Sheriff Valenti...said some things. I didn’t believe her, I didn’t want to believe her...but...I think she’s right. About me.”

Isobel doesn’t press this time, no matter how badly she wants to, as Max takes a breath and runs a lightly shaking hand through his hair. She grabs the hand, runs her fingers across it soothingly, and waits for him to continue.

“She told me, the day our parents came to the home, that it...it wasn’t Michael who was screaming and drawing the symbol on the walls. It was me.”

“But Michael-“

“Took the crayon from me, and then our parents came into the room, and saw him, and I guess they assumed it was his drawing on the wall. But it was me, Isobel. Me. I’m the reason Michael was left behind. It should have been me. He’s-it’s my fault.”

Isobel takes a second to process-she doesn't want to think about why this makes sense, not now. So she focuses on the things she knows: that they had been seven years old, strangers to everything in the world except each other, unable to speak, unable to truly understand. She can’t help but wonder, for a second, why her and Max’s parents hadn’t...what, taken the time to consider that Michael having the crayon in his hand didn’t necessarily mean that he’d been the one to deface the walls? But it’s not like she remembers that day-none of them do, so it’s not like she can say what went through the Evanses minds. Not like it matters now, anyway.

“We were seven and didn’t know how to communicate with them, Max. There wasn’t a lot you could have done. I mean, you don’t even remember this happening.”

Max shakes his head, sniffs. “It doesn’t matter. Once we could speak, I should have done something. Told them they should’ve taken Michael instead, confessed, I don’t know.”

“Max, you don’t remember that day. You couldn’t have confessed, even if you’d wanted to.”

“Maybe. But...Michael went through hell, while you and I led perfect little lives. We had each other, we had a family. Michael had no one.”

“Michael had us,” Isobel points out. “We have always been a family, Max, even if we were separated.”

Max stands up. “No, we weren’t!” he snaps. “Michael was alone. Because of me!”

Isobel stands, too, placing a hand on her brother’s arm. “No amount of blaming yourself for the past is going to change it. And yeah, okay, maybe you were the ‘troubled child,’ and not Michael. That doesn’t make it your fault that he...that he was left behind.”

Max smiles, that sad, angry smile of his, and sucks in a breath. “Isn’t it my fault, though? Our whole lives, I’ve tried to protect the two of you. But now-I’m the one that put Michael in danger in the first place. He could’ve grown up happy, loved, with a real family and a house and...and a twin sister, and I stole that from him before we could talk!”

He collapses back onto the bench, burying his face in his hands, like that will stop Isobel from noticing the light trembling in his shoulders and his hands, or the way he’s taking these small breaths like he’s afraid, suddenly, to make any noise.

She sits next to him again, turns to face him, and gently places her hands over his, pulling them away from his face and into her lap. She continues holding on as she speaks, thinking carefully about what she needs to say.

“Maybe,” she starts, “maybe that’s true. Maybe Michael and I could have been the Evans twins. Maybe he would have grown up in a better situation. Maybe. Or maybe, all three of us would have been split up. Maybe Michael and you would have been left to the system. You can’t change the past, Max, and you can’t know what would have happened if you could.”

She pauses, takes a breath, wipes away a tear of her own. “I know it hurts, to realize that there are things in your past which have hurt other people, but you have to accept those things as part of you. You were an abandoned, angry kid, and you screamed and you drew on the walls, and Michael took the blame for it. You can’t change that. But you can talk to Michael, or our parents. Just...figure out how you can accept this, and forgive yourself for it.”

Max pulls his hands out of Isobel’s, scrubs the tears from his face. “Okay,” he says finally, quietly. “I’ll talk to Michael, maybe Mom and Dad.” He manages a small smile, and leans forward to hug his sister. Isobel quickly wraps her arms around him, resting a hand softly in his hair. “I know you will,” she says. “You’ll work this out, Max.”

“Yeah,” he sighs, sounding like he maybe half believes it. Isobel smiles a little, pulling Max closer, letting his head rest on her shoulder. She’ll take that half-belief. It's a start, at least.

i hope this was ok!! if it sucks lmk and i wont write more parts but idk im kinda liking this?? hope the finale doesnt like. screw things up too badly lol

#roswell new mexico #max evans #emotional whump #my writing #i say things #this is barely whumpy at all but whatever!! too bad #kee i hope this is ok!! i can rewrite it if it suxxxx #i dont think i like my title but whatever #max has been hurt and now he feels bad for what hes learnt so. it fits

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crystal-moon-101 · 3 years

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Name: Cynthia “Thea” Ashley Levin

Nickname: Thea (prefers to go by this nickname than her real name), Cyn, Cynthie, Cee, Levin Jr, Mr.Blunt

Age: 16

Gender: Female

Birthday: 7th February

Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual

Ethnicity/Specie: American - Human/Anodite/Osmosian

Personality: Intelligent, Bold, Smart-Mouthed, Impulsive, Instinctive, Arrogant, Temperamental, Stubborn, Focused, Helpful, Brave, Wild Streak, Protective, Blunt, Romantic

Hobbies: Calligraphy (Writing in this style has an extremely calming effect on Thea), Hip Hop Dance, Mechanics, Automobiles, Is it bad to say she likes math? (It’s logical, practical and makes sense, the addition of letters just made it more enjoyable), Car Shows, Martial Arts

Family:

Gwen Tennyson - (Mother/Despite Thea being very different to her mother, loud and impulsive, the two still get along well. They like to have intelligent discussions, and Thea often goes to her when asking questions about something, knowing her mother will give her honest and truthful answers. They also like to study magic together, and enjoy reading books in the same room.)

Kevin Levin - (Father/Very much a daddy girl, Thea takes after her father quite a bit, in personality and in many interests. Ever since she was little, she’s loved cars thanks to her father, and the two like working together in his garage and chatting. Kevin taught her to be a tough one, and tries his hardest to make sure she never takes a path like he once did.)

Zed - (Pet - Anubian Baskurr/While Thea doesn’t mind Zed much, the two don’t interact much due to Thea not personally into dogs, more so cats. They have a civil relationship and Thea does help take care of Zed when asked, but the two have been known to comfort each other when something is wrong.)

Ben Tennyson- (First cousin once removed - “Uncle”/Thea and her uncle have a very fun relationship, and she often goes to him about issues she doesn’t want to discuss with her parents, knowing he is a good third opinion to listen to. She admires how brave and outgoing he is, and does look up to him as a hero, but also has her fun uncle.)

Julie Yamamoto- (First cousin once removed-In Law - “Aunt”/Julie’s soft and down to earth nature is something Thea appreciates, in a family full of daredevils. Her aunt has a way of comforting Thea in a gentle manner, without making it feel like she is pitying her. Though that being said, Thea finds her hidden feisty side fun to see whenever it comes out.)

Jay Tennyson- (Second cousin - Like Siblings/Ever since she first held her baby cousin, she has felt this drive of protection over him, and the two act like siblings all the time. They tease, bicker, have fun and share secrets here and there, and are very loyal to each other. Her protective attitude has been growing though, ever since finding out Jay has been bullied, and when Jay starts developing feelings for her rival, Vanessa Morningstar. Subconsciously, Thea struggles to see her baby cousin growing up and not needing her as much, which makes Thea feel a little worthless at times. That being said, the two love each other, and will forever remain loyal, no matter what.)

Tundra, Orion, Vale, Neva, North, Crystal, Alaska, Micha, Storm, Gray, Raine, Arlo, Zodiac and Lux - (Second cousins/There’s quite something to have a cluster of cousins like this, but Thea loves them nonetheless. She loves to visit them, and hanging out with them whenever they’re on earth. She has a different dynamic with each of them.)

Max Tennyson - (Great Grandfather/Thea has always found her Great Grandfather to be a cool and chill man, and a very wise person to go too when needing help with something. She likes listening to his Plumber stories, and the people he’s met throughout his life.)

Xylene - (Great Grandfather Figure/While Xylene is more of a great grandmother figure for Jay, that doesn’t mean Thea and Xylene don’t get along. Xylene’s bold personality is something Thea can admire, and the two like having talks about tech and crafting.)

Verdona - (Great Grandmother/Thea has a bit of an odd relationship with her great grandmother. On the one hand, she likes Verdona’s wild and fun personality, and the two like to get into some crazy chaos together. Though on the other hand, she knows Verdona is fond of her because she is an Anodite, and while she appreciates Verdona’s help with her magic, and understands that Anodites have a different lifestyle to humans, it’s sometimes hard to deal with Verdona when it comes to earth related parts of Thea’s life.)

Frank Tennyson- (Grandfather/Thea likes to tease her grandfather playfully very often, but she is still pretty respectful towards him, as he’s helped out her parents often when she was growing up. He’s also been known to get her thoughtful gifts to her to cheer her up, knowing the kind of things she likes.)

Natalie Tennyson- (Grandmother/Natalie’s personality was something Thea could actually appreciate here and there, as Natalie had ways of keeping Thea in line before doing something dumb while growing up, and helped the girl listen to her parents when she would fuss here and there. The two like to discuss things about Thea’s future, as Natalie is great at organizing and has good suggestions for universities in Thea’s future.)

Ken Tennyson- (Uncle/Thea loves her uncle, as his kind and understanding way of life has always helped her when she’s going through something. And, much like Julie, sometimes it’s just nice to have a down to earth member of the family.)

Jade Levin- (Grandmother/Ever since her son gave her a grandchild, Jade has loved and adored Thea since. She often helped Kevin and Gwen whenever Thea’s Osmosian powers sparked up, giving them tips that she learnt from when raising Kevin. And since Thea acts a lot like her father, Jade knows how to talk to her, and what things she likes and dislikes.)

Harvey Hackett - (Step-Grandfather/Despite Kevin’s unsure views of Harvey, he has allowed the man to be in Thea’s life, and the two do get along. Harvey was a little nervous at first, due to his past with Kevin, but he tries his best to support Thea, not wanting to make the same mistakes he made with Kevin, and this has built some kind of bridge between him and his stepson in important moments.)

Friends:

Feike - (Friend/Crush?/Due to Feike’s background, him and Jay often visit him when needing information in the criminal world, though her relationship with him is far more complicated than that. At first, he very much flirted with her pretty often, giving his player lifestyle, and she mostly just ignored it, used to those comments by now. But things slowly began to change after they developed more of a friendship over time, and they got to know each other better, especially after she decided to go on one date with him. She found that he’s a lot more caring than he lets on, and despite his criminal background, he has morals and lines he won’t cross. This has led to her having some kind of crush and romantic side relationship with him, which she never thought would happen due to the fact she said she’s never date a street boy...but he does treat her far better than any other guy she’s met and dated. But the two struggle with their feelings due to Thea’s personal issues, and Feike fearing he’ll have nothing if he leaves his criminal life behind for her.)

Malax - (Friend/Her and Malax have a very bro-like relationship, often teasing and chatting about their hobbies with one another, getting along fairly well. Malax is also one of the few that can hold Thea back when she’s angry or frustrated, and gives her a needed slap of reality when no one else can.)

Rook Rilla - (Friend/The two get along fairly well, though Rilla’s blunt and dry way of speaking has annoyed Thea from time to time, but she often gets away with that as Thea can appreciate it at times, and knows Rilla means well. That being said, Thea will always tease her when seeing Rilla daydreaming over someone.)

Etherea’Liss - (Friend/Thea was quite hesitant with Etherea at first, as her and Jay had an experience with Zs’Skayr a while ago before meeting her. But she came to feel sorry for Etherea and her situation, and admires her desire to make her people proud, and to show the outside world that her kind are not bad. There is a bit of a struggle between the two, due to Etherea’s shy personality not mixing well with Thea’s out there wording, but sometimes Thea can give her that needed push to try something.)

Azmuth - (Family Friend/She finds Azmuth to be pretty grumpy and doesn’t get him very often, but the two like to have intelligent conversations, and he has praised her on her academic work, even giving her a few pointers here and there.)

Neutrals:

Vanessa Morningstar - (Rival/ It’s a bittersweet thing with these two ladies. To outsiders, their relationships doesn’t make too much sense, as people can’t understand why they’re rivals, and why they often pick on each other. It’s never clear who started it, but whenever they’re in the same room you can feel tension. Vanessa often picks at Thea’s temper and impulsive nature, knowing Thea is running from her problems, while Thea picks at Vanessa’s pride, thinking Vanessa acts too stuck up and knows she’s covering up something. It doesn’t help when Vanessa and Jay start catching interest in each other, at first Vanessa doing so just to tease Thea, but now feeling something for Jay. Thea’s afraid Vanessa will break his heart and hurt him, or that she’ll have to deal with Vanessa for the rest of her life if they get properly serious. But she knows Vanessa makes Jay happy...and a part of her just doesn’t know how to handle her baby cousin growing up. And in many ways, perhaps she gets aggressive with Vanessa, because she’s one of the few people to have the guts to point out the flaws Thea is running from.)

Enemies:

Medusa - (Enemy/Thea hates this woman, mostly because of how she reflects Thea in many ways. Medusa took special interest with Thea when noting how similar they were, the girl reminding her of her past self. Because of this, Medusa has this idea that Thea should become like her, to push down people to never feel weak again, perhaps because of her subconscious hatred for who she used to be. Typically Thea ignores what most villains say about her, but Medusa has a way to get at her fears and emotions, and that’s hard for to handle.)

Eldrigma - (Enemy/Thea didn’t like Eldrigma right off the bat, and thought he was just some new villain lucantic with a dumb plan to take over the galaxy or whatever. But after hearing thoughts from others, and certain signs popping up, she’s starting to understand that there is something more to this man’s story that they don’t know. That doesn’t mean she’ll pity him, and will do whatever it takes to stop him from hurting others.)

Vesper - (Enemy/Thea has a very odd view of Vesper. On the one hand, that chick is terrifying and her need to drain mana from living things freaks Thea out, also being an Anodite full of mana that Vesper has threatened to drain from her. But on the other hand, Thea does feel upset for her, and how Vesper was casted out by the Anodites for being sick and broken. A part of Thea wants to help, but the other half was to keep her distance.)

Professor Alate - (Enemy/Hates the dude and thinks he’s plain creepy, there’s no secret there. It doesn’t help that he targets Jay so often, and has made it clear what he wants to do with the boy if he ever catches him. Alate is just someone who can easily creep her out and ruffle her emotions, but she just can’t do the same with him. He always has a counter and comeback for her, and she really doesn’t know how to handle him. But that doesn’t stop her from trying to keep him away from her friends and Jay.)

Vilgax - (Enemy/Due to hearing many stories about him, Thea was a little intimidated by the guy when he returned from the dead, working with Alate. But when it became clear Vilgax was struggling with how much time has past, and his worth in the eyes of today, Thea likes to crack jokes about him and will fight him. That doesn’t mean it's easy to tussle with the dude, but compared to Alate, she would prefer to fight Vilgax any day of the week.)

Sciros - (Enemy/The moment Thea saw Sciros, and how he interacted with Feike, she knew she didn’t like him. He creeps her out, and she knows there’s some kind of dangerous dynamic between him and Feike, where the man has a grip on him. And while she has tried to talk to Feike about it, he’s made it clear it’s not her place to discuss such matters with him, so for now she tries her best to be there for Feike. But that doesn’t mean Thea won’t give the man glares whenever she sees him around.)

Representing Song: Miracle - The Score

Skills: Spell Casting. Mana Manipulation. Hand-To-Hand Combat. Anodite Form. Energy/Power/Matter Absorption. Supernatural Strength/Stamina/Endurance. Mechanic/Technician. Tactician. Levitation. Mind/Mental-Powers. Mathematical.

Weakness/Flaws/Fears: Automatonophobia (Fear of ventriloquist dummies, animatronics, wax statues, essentially anything which falsely represents a being). She hates the idea of losing her sight, hearing and touch. Subconscious Athazagoraphobia (Fear of forgetting and fear of being forgotten. She’s not good with the idea of being useless and left behind, which ties into her overprotective and slight clingy nature, but right now she doesn’t realise this). Slight Philophobia (Fear of falling in love or not being able to maintain a relationship. Despite going on plenty of dates, they often go wrong and she has had her heart broken many times). Her impulsive and blunt moments can get her into trouble, often getting into arguments and fights that she doesn’t back down from. She sometimes struggles to control her temper and outbursts, and has said things that hurt people she cares about, often regretting what she said very quickly. Her overprotective nature can be a bit much at times, especially with someone like Jay, as she has subconscious fears that he’ll be hurt without her protection, and there’s even a subconscious desire to be wanted and needed through this. She’s not good at taking blame, and has a habit of pointing fingers.

Bio: N/A

#I'll add her bio a little later #and I'll do a redraw of Jay too #Ben 10 Next Gen #Ben 10 #B10 #Ben 10 Next Generation #Ben 10 OC #Ben 10 Gwen Tennyson #Ben 10 Kevin Levin #Ben 10 Gwevin #Gwevin #Ben 10 Thea Levin #My Art

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anotherhargrovebitch · 4 years

Text

call me baby again, please : b.h

this is part two of don’t call him baby. heavily requested and thanks for the support, glad you enjoyed part one enough for this to be continued. (1.6k)

(there will be a part three/final part and it’ll be up over the weekend)

* stranger things writing *

one // two // three

He’d never seen you happier, and it hurts to admit that it’s the truth. You were beaming, happily serving every customer as you sway with joy from the various rails you reorganise. It doesn’t matter about the teenagers who conversed through the garments, ruining the order you spent hours working on. For once, it really didn’t matter to you.

Billy would only see mere minutes of your days whenever he wasn’t working at the pool. Max didn’t have to ask for a lift anymore. Instead, Billy offered. At first, Max was wary of his intentions but when she walked into The Gap to see you working there, it all clicked into place.

What Billy noticed more often than anything else was the skip in your step as you wandered out from the store. He saw your hips swaying and longed to hold you again.

Your fingers tapped on the escalator as you rose to the food court and walked into Scoops Ahoy! with pure happiness in your expression; something Billy hasn’t felt since he broke your heart nearly a year ago.

You had moved on, and Billy was trying. At least, he told himself he was trying to by flirting with Karen Wheeler, but that was just to occupy him for a while. When he was left alone it hurt the most, the memories of what he once had lost. And it’s his own fault for his wandering hands and mind.

In the back of your mind, Billy hovered there. Whenever you heard his name being mentioned in a conversation you tense. You hear snippets of these discussions, listening in as girls say he’s his old self. How Billy the ‘bitch killer’ was back.

You tried to ignore the small slice that glides over your heart, that old wound close to healing. But you smile as the sweet scent of ice cream fills your nostrils, and the laughter shared between Steve and Robin.

Walking up to the counter, Steve keeps his back turned whilst Robin faces you. “Customers, dingus.” Robin motions and Steve rolls his eyes before turning around.

“Ahoy, Sailor!” He yells with a forced enthusiasm as he faces you, immediately regretting the greeting as you stifle back a laugh. “Don’t you even think about laughing,” He raises a finger to you, watching as you keep a straight face and shake your head.

“I can’t promise I won’t.” You reply with a small smile lacing your lips, one Steve always forgives even if it’s making light-hearted fun at him.

“Every time.” Robin mutters as she goes to the stockroom, pulling out the board and marking yet another on the ‘you suck’ side.

Leaning against the counter, your eyes flutter down to the same selection of ice creams. Steve watches as you hum to yourself, your nails tapping on the counter absentmindedly.

“Same as always, Y/n?” Steve questions, catching your eye as he raises an eyebrow to you, only to receive a bright smile in response.

Lifting yourself up from slouching over the counter, you eye up your choices once more. “How about strawberry?” You suggest, and Steve pulls a face in surprise. “Gotta be more to life than butterscotch, Stevie.” You chuckle, watching as he passes you a small spoon to sample.

Outside the shop, Billy watches from across the escalator. He sees Steve in that dumb sailor hat that he’d love to knock off that head of hair, but he can’t. He lost his chance, especially after he caused a few injuries over last summer.

“Hey, Billy.” Turning his head, he forces a smile to a series of girls who crowd around him.

“Hi.” Billy huffs, glancing back into the shop, ignoring the giggles and flirtatious comments from the girl's eye-fucking him.

And as always, Billy watches as Steve removes his little hat and places it on your head. You look adorable, and Steve knows it.

You lift your hands to your head, rolling your eyes as Steve smiles to you. “I look stupid.” You joke with him, and Steve shakes his head in response.

“Now you know how it feels to be us.” He motions as Robin leans through the window doors, nodding along.

“It’s true, Y/n.” She adds. “You’re one of us now.” She smiles and you take the hat off, placing it back on the counter.

“As fun as it’d be,” You trail off, licking your ice cream to stop the sweet substance clinging to your fingers. “I have to get back to work.”

Leaning over the counter, you kiss Steve softly before pulling away, unaware of his eyes following your ass as you leave.

“Can I get a tally on the ‘you rule’ side for that?” Steve jokes and watches as Robin adds another tally to the ‘you suck’ side instead. “Yeah, that’s fair.” He mutters before carrying on his with his job.

His foot refused to sit still as the cool metal rested between his lips.

Since he took the job, Billy knew he’d receive plenty of attention and he liked it. He had his pick of the litter, choosing a different girl most days to take into the showers after he closed up for the night.

Billy liked to keep himself distracted, feeling someone else’s hands over his body. How some liked to bite whilst others were timid. But none of them were you.

Sitting beneath the shower, Billy listens to a soft giggle echo as Heather walks away. “See you tomorrow, Billy.” She waves half-heartedly, pulling on her shorts and fixing her bra whilst Billy hides away.

Leaning his head back, he lets the droplets of water consume him. He blurs everything else out as he lifts his fingertips to the locket around his neck. If he can, he’ll always wear it. A snippet of you, all he has left to hold close until it has rusted beyond recognition. But he didn’t care who noticed, but no one was allowed to open it.

Slowly, Billy forces himself to his feet. “Shit.” He mutters, feeling the water temperature dropping down his spine as he turns it off.

Silence follows him as he dries off and changes, still avoiding the house as often as he can.

That was something you always understood. You were there for him when a new wound happened. He didn’t have to explain anything to you. Instead, Billy sat as you helped patch him up, slowly putting him back together.

He swears that he caught you looking in senior year sometimes. A quick glance to see if he’d been taking care of the latest cut lip or bruised cheekbone. And in truth, you were- not that you’d ever admit such a thing.

Taking the short ride home, Billy steps into the house silently. He has learnt Neils routine, the days to be out and stay out to the few days he can have in solitude.

As Billy lies down on his bed, the door creaks open. “What do you-” Before he can finish, Max quietly enters and closes the door behind her. Billy sits upright, seeing her sad eyes. “What’s wrong?” Billy questions softly, something he’s been learning to do with Max now that she’s getting older.

He’ll never forget the time you snapped at him for being mean to Max. You told him that they’re family, and to support one another. It took time, and a lot of convincing, but he’s making the effort to now, even if you aren’t around to notice.

“I, I broke up with Lucas today.” Max sniffs to herself, still nervous to be vulnerable around her stepbrother.

Yet, Billy rises to his feet and wraps his arms around Max. She quietly cries for a moment before composing herself. “That Sinclair kid ain’t shit, Max.” Billy comments under his breath, listening as Max chuckles quietly to herself.

“He’s not so bad,” She shrugs her shoulder. “I, I spoke to Y/n about it.” Max nervously states, feeling Billy tense as he slowly releases her from a hug.

“Oh?” Billy questions, taking a seat back on his bed whilst Max remains still, staring down at the grubby carpet.

“She, she saw it happen. Outside of The Gap.” Max sighs, regretting having done it in such a public space. “We erm, we had a chat.”

Billy nods along, not wanting to know truly how you are. He doesn’t want to listen to how well you’re doing, that you’ve never been better because he can see it. He doesn’t need it to be thrown into his face as well.

“You can still talk to her, Max.” Billy states bluntly. “Just because we broke up doesn’t mean I’m annoyed.” He clarifies, looking up as Max nods repeatedly as words fail to follow her actions.

“I, I know, Billy.” Max responds softly. “It’s just, I don’t want to upset you by still being friends with her.”

It shouldn’t have stung, but it did.

“It’s okay, kid.” Billy lies, but Max plays along for his own sake. “Anyway, I gotta get some sleep. Opening shift in the morning.” He says with a half-smile as Max makes her way toward the door. “Oh, Max?”

Max turns back, her hand resting on the door as the blotchiness of her face has died down. “Yeah?”

“If that Sinclair kid gives you shit, you tell me.” He says, pointing a finger causing Max to laugh to herself.

As she closes the door and walks to her room, she can’t help but think aloud. “Exactly what Y/n said.”

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lightsupinthenorth · 4 years

Text

Billy is a crier. Steve finds out even before they become friends.

He notices how shiny Billy’s eyes are when he apologizes for hurting him during that fateful night at the Byers’ house.

Despite the darkness of his living-room, he sees the tears rolling down Billy’s cheeks when they watch The Outsiders.

The closer they get, the more often Billy cries around Steve. When he’s had a fight with his shitty father, when he regrets getting angry at Max, or at Steve himself, for no valid reason, when he’s tired, or frustrated, or feeling hopeless.

Billy cries a lot.

And, at first, it’s hard to deal with for Steve, because he’s not used to seeing people cry. He doesn’t now how to handle tears, how to handle such blatant sorrow, because he’s learnt to bury his own feelings early on in life.

But he learns, for Billy. It turns out to be easier than he thought it would be. All Billy wants is a shoulder to cry on, and Steve is more than willing to offer his. And the knots in his stomach, caused by the sight of a distressed Billy, loosen a little once he understands that crying actually makes Billy feel better, that it gives his emotions an outlet.

Steve wishes he could do that to. Express his emotions. He wishes he was a crier. But he couldn’t be farther from it.

Even when he is extremely upset, he doesn’t shed a single tear.

Instead, Steve’s body ‘deals’ with strong negative emotions by shutting down. It just quits on functioning. Thankfully, it’s generally not an instant reaction. When something really bad happens, adrenaline gets Steve going until he gets somewhere quiet, somewhere private, and then he just collapses and stays immobile for hours on end.

When he’s upset about little things, he keeps it bottled in until the bottle is full and ‘shut down’ mode activates itself. It’s hard to predict: Steve can’t always tell when he’s going to reach breaking point, and sometimes the smallest thing can make him wilt.

Some days, he goes back to his empty house thinking he’s alright, and then as soon as the door closes behind him, he slides down it until he reaches the floor and proceeds to stare into space for a small eternity.

It’s as if his body were giving up, but not so much so that it forgets about keeping up with pretenses. God forbids anyone sees Steve in such an undignified state. His parents’ numerous precepts concerning proper behavior have been drilled into Steve to the point of conditioning even his breakdowns, it seems.

Steve can’t keep this to himself anymore once Billy and he move in together, though. Now Steve has nowhere left to go in order to shut down away from view. He still tries though: the first time he shuts down while living with Billy, he goes to the bathroom and locks the door right before it happens. Evidently, it is a terrible idea.

Indeed, after a while, Billy knocks on the door and asks him if he is okay. When Steve doesn’t answer, he justifiably starts freaking out, and warns that he is going to come in, even if he has “to destroy the fucking door with an axe like in The Shining”. They have no axe, but Steve can’t point that out because his vocal cords and mouth are out of order, as the rest of his body is.

Billy doesn’t need an axe, in the end. He just body slams the door like a madman.

“Steve, what the fuck? Are you okay?” He asks, kneeling down on the tiled floor and looming over Steve’s prostrate body.

Steve doesn’t react, he doesn’t even blink, as Billy presses two fingers to the pulse in his neck.

“Fuck, what’s wrong with you? Should I call 911? Steve?” Billy sounds more and more distressed, and then he starts crying.

It seems to be enough for Steve to regain control of his limbs. Steve’s boyfriend breaking the door of their bathroom down wasn’t enough for his body to start functioning again, but this is? It seems a bit illogical, but Steve doesn’t make the rules.

As Billy tries to get up, maybe to indeed call 911, Steve grips his wrist loosely, and mutters he’s fine.

“Damn, you sure didn’t seem fine a second ago.”

Steve has to explain, then. He has no other option. Billy doesn’t interrupt until Steve is done describing how he ‘deals’ with his feelings, and then he just asks.

“When you get like that… would touching you help? Would it make it worse? Do you want me to call someone who knows how to calm you down or? I don’t know, tell me if there is anything I can do.”

Steve blushes.

“Uh… well I don’t exactly know… I’ve only ever went through it on my own so…”

“Oh… Would it be okay if I tried to comfort you, next time?”

Steve considers how he reacted to the tears Billy spilt over him earlier.

“Yeah… I think it might help.”

“Good… Can I hug you… I mean, now?”

Steve nods and suddenly his arms are full of Billy, who starts crying again a few seconds later.

Steve starts caressing his hair, because it’s usually a very efficient way to comfort him.

“I should be the one comforting you right now.” Billy says in between sobs.

“You are.” Steve replies.

And it’s true. Taking care of Billy is comforting, in a way.

“It was some scary shit, Steve.”

“I know… I’m sorry, I should have mentioned that whole thing at some point.”

“I mean… yeah. A warning would have been nice. At least I would have known you were probably not having a stroke.”

Steve winces.

“I forgive you though.”

“How generous.” he quips.

“I know, right? You’re lucky I love you.”

Steve sighs. Billy is lucky Steve loves him, too, the unsufferable bastard.

“I love you too.” He replies.

Steve can’t ever not say “I love you” back to him. He has to say it back, always. It’s some sort of undisclosed obligation.

Billy hugs him tighter and Steve could swear he’s smiling through his tears.

#Harringrove #Billy Hargrove #Steve Harrington #ficlet #slight angst #hurt/comfort #fluff #Steve buries his feelings #Billy is a crier #I always make Billy cry I'm mean #but he's fine here I swear #I should be studying #and I'm writing about these dumbasses instead #someone come slap me

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ecoamerica · 2 months

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wallywrites · 3 years

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(tw - slight depictions of: self harm, death, depression, unhealthy habits, habits that could turn into an eating disorder, ptsd, trauma)

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28720992

part one / ? (but you can still read it as a stand alone)

Steve never cared much for Christmas. It was just another holiday to remind him of how alone he really was, how much his parents didn’t care, how much his friends could do better. Just another holiday to remind him who he was, an echo of the words he’s heard many times coming to life, proof that he was, and will forever be, alone.

But then he had Billy, holding his hand, and brushing his fingers through his hair, and kissing him on the good days and the bad nights, and holding him, and loving him, even when he couldn’t love himself. And he wasn’t so alone anymore.

And suddenly, like the flash of brightness when lightning strikes, Christmas was his favourite holiday. Suddenly, he loved the smell of gingerbread, because it reminded him of Christmas dinner at the Byers, surrounded by his friends, his real family, his Billy. Suddenly mistletoe wasn't just a plant. Suddenly, opening presents didn’t mean sitting by an empty tree, drinking his sorrows away with his fathers alcohol collection, and instead meant watching the kids’ faces light up with every new comic book or t-shirt they received, the laughter of the older kids and the parents at their reactions.

Suddenly it meant Billy pulling him away from the chaos, away where there was quiet, where it was just them, before giving him his heart, his soul, his love. His mother’s necklace, the most important thing to him before he met Steve.

And suddenly the snowy days, days he thought he would never learn to love, soon became his favourite, where he could spend it cuddled up next to Billy, under a blanket and by a fireplace, whispering sweet nothings to each other until they fell asleep, contempt, happy, in love. Together.

Suddenly, Christmas meant love, and family, and warmth, and everything Steve thought it should be, expected it to be. Suddenly he had that, suddenly he had all he ever could have wanted. And he was happy, he was so fucking happy to have that, to have what he thought he never would, what he thought he didn’t deserve.

But that all changed, too fast and too suddenly, like the moment in between awake and sleep, where you don’t really remember how one thing lead to another. Can’t recall the moment, can’t recognise the difference between awake and sleep, but then suddenly it’s the next morning, and everything from the night before, from the time between then and now, is all just a memory, a blur in your mind in which you can never truly remember. That’s what it felt like to lose Billy.

One moment he was there, and Steve could remember it all so vividly, like he never left. The way he smiled whenever Steve would say something stupid, or how tight he would hold him at night, scared that he would be gone by the time he woke up. The way his eyes would gleam and his smile would soften whenever Billy thought Steve wasn’t paying attention, that Steve wouldn’t notice the longing, loving stare Billy always seemed to have when it came to him. The way Billy was so gentle, so careful with Steve, his hands, his words, his lips.

But then, within another moment, he was gone, like a dream you can’t quite remember, a name on the tip of your tongue you can’t quite reach, the feeling of knowing but not having, the feeling of losing, but not realising. He was gone, so fast, all at once, but the feeling of it still so slow, like noticing your ice has melted, wondering how long has it been melted for? When did it melt? When did he go?

And that time in between was a foreign concept to Steve, something he tried hopelessly to remember, to understand, but just couldn’t seem to grasp enough of it to hold on to. And that’s what hurt the most, what haunted him more than anything else. And suddenly, he hated Christmas again.

And the ache, the pain he felt was almost unbearable. Something he’s never felt before, something he never expected to experience, not yet, not now, not like this. A heartbreak worse than a heartbreak, too harsh and too sudden, a sting, and a burn, and an ache worse than what those Russians ever did to him. Worse than what his parents ever did to him, what Nancy ever did to him. And it was heavy, a deep feeling within his chest and his stomach and his head and his heart. And it burned and burned and cut and gnawed at him until there was nothing left. Nothing but an empty shell of the boy he once was, so naïve and unloved and alone. A fire burning in his soul, getting hotter and deeper, until everything that once was Steve Harrington was now reduced to nothing more than ash.

And no one understood, how much it affected Steve, no one really. Their relationship was a secret, something they shared behind closed doors, in the dark, when no one was paying attention, when no one bothered to look, to notice. Max was the closest to understanding the pain, losing her brother, not realising how much she actually cared, how much Billy had meant to her until it was too late, until he was gone. Steve remembered Max crying to him, head buried into his chest, arms wrapped tightly around his waist, worried that Billy didn’t know how much she cared, that she did love him. Devastated that she never told him how she felt, that she couldn't even say goodbye to his body.

That was the hardest part, Steve thought. Not being able to say goodbye, to see him one last time, to tell him that he loved him. They never found his body, but they didn’t expect to, not after everything that happened to all the others. But that didn’t stop Steve from looking, every day, every night, desperate to find something, anything. It wasn’t until Joyce found him, lying almost dead in the cold one winter night, that he knew it was over, that he needed to stop. He didn’t remember much from that night, except sobbing into Joyce as she held him, letting him cry it all out, telling him that it was going to be okay. He didn’t believe it, couldn’t, but for one moment he let himself be fooled, let himself pretend that she was right, that it would all be okay. But somewhere deep down, where the fire still burned away at what was left of him, he knew it wouldn’t get better, that he would never be the same. Not again, not after Billy.

That’s how he felt now, the week before Christmas. It had been a year since everything happened, but Steve felt more alone than he ever had. He knew it was his own fault, pushing people away tends to do that. He learnt that from his parents, but despite how much he despised them for it, he couldn’t help it, isolating himself off from the outside world, from anyone that cared about him. Because he didn’t see the point anymore.

But that didn’t stop a few of them from checking in on him every now and again. Joyce and Jonathan brining him a homecooked meal at least once a week, Hopper stopping by every now and again to make sure he’s doing okay, Dustin trying always to get Steve to hang out, Robin breaking in to his house to just be there, to help him feel less alone. Max was the only person Steve really found himself letting in, opening up to, but he still didn’t speak much. Didn’t have the energy to, not anymore.

And he had some good days, some days where he would laugh at one of Robin’s stupid jokes, or where Dustin and Max would convince him to have a shower, and go out with them to the movies or the arcade, or where he would eat a little more than usual, causing Joyce to smile in hope that it was helping, that he was getting better. Days where Jonathan would just sit with him, be with him, telling him stories until he actually found himself falling asleep for the first time in weeks, found peace and solace for a moment before his brain turned back on and he remembered. But the bad outweighed the good on most days, and a day didn’t go by where he wasn’t thinking of him. Of his Billy.

And the nightmares, and the terrors plagued most of his nights, and the constant waking up drenched in his own sweat, screaming and crying out for Billy had him so tired, so fucking exhausted that it would keep him awake longer than his body was able to be. Keep him awake until he was throwing up from exhaustion and passing out on the floor, because he couldn’t physically stand anymore.

And it was hard, no one understanding what was happening. Most of them thought it was just how he was coping, with the trauma of everything that happened; the mind flayer, the demo-dogs, the Russians, Starcourt. Any normal person would go clinically insane after everything that Steve or any of the others went through, so it wasn’t unusual for them to think that what had happened must’ve broken him, caused a mental break, caused him to go insane. Robin knew it was deeper than that, the only one knowing that Steve even liked guys. He never told her about Billy, but she was smart, and it wasn’t hard for her to figure out why Steve was breaking so much. But she never spoke of it, didn’t want to make it worse for him, wanted to help him forget.

There was a point where they didn’t think it could get worse. But apparently for Steve, crying every night, not eating in weeks, refusing to speak to everyone wasn't his worst, wasn't his ultimate low. No, his ultimate low involved his wrist, and any sharp object he could find, because at least then he was feeling something.

But then one night, while he was sat on his bed, staring at the wall, no energy to sleep but no energy to do anything else, the hairs on his arms stood up, the white noise around him freezing in time. And that’s when he heard it. A sound he thought he would never hear again, one that brought tears to his eyes, held more memories than he thought he had. A noise that was wholly Billy. Thick and dark and heavy, the revving on an engine, of his engine. A ‘79 Chevrolet Camaro, the same one Billy drove into the school parking lot his first day, the same one they shared their first kiss in, the same one that was completely and entirely Billy, all violent and charming and dangerous and his.

The same ‘79 Chevrolet Camaro lost a year ago.

And Steve couldn’t explain the feeling, couldn’t organise his thoughts, process what was happening. All he knew is that, that sound, that feeling, was his. Was his Billy. A feeling he’s wished for, ached for, longed for, for so long, a feeling just out of reach. And somehow, now, he knew all the answers, knew exactly what was happening, what it meant, what he needed to do.

And he breathed for the first time, in what seemed like months, and he felt his heart in his ears and his pulse thumping in his head.

And suddenly, he didn’t feel like crying anymore.

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el-gilliath · 4 years

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This story started with a picture posted by @signoraviolettavalery about a secret Max and Isobel might be hiding from Michael. The working title is bad siblings. Should tell you something about there this is going.

It’s also a gift for @christchex @jumbled-nonsense and @beyondkailani who wanted hurt/comfort angst with happy ending. The ending is hopeful leaning towards happy but other than that I think I did pretty good. Enjoy!

And as always, the mightiest thanks to Ariqa for helping me make sure my Norwegian grammar turns english.

Michael knows no one loves him. It’s just a fact of life, how no one wants him or people run away from him. He’s used to it by now, and it’s okay. He never expects them to stay.

But it’s always weird seeing Mrs. Evans again. Because he knows that there was a time when she was at least somewhat fond of him, back when they were younger and he would spend a lot of time at the Evans household. He doesn’t know what changed, never really understood how she one day could go from fond to reminding him strictly that he was to call her Mrs. Evans when before he was allowed to call her Ann. He’ll admit that it’s been wracking his mind for years, but only to himself, never to others. He doesn’t want people to think he cares, because then they would feel bad.

He hates that.

Right now it’s been a long year, a long decade, a long fucking life and he’s tired. Everything with Alex, everything with Maria, everything with Max and Isobel and Liz and Rosa. It’s just… enough.

But this… This is the last drop.

“I could’ve had a home?”

The room is abruptly silenced. All the yelling, all the fighting that’s been going on for the last hour, ever since the truth serum started affecting them, just stops and all of them turn towards Michael. Most of them watching him in surprise. But Max and Isobel… Max and Isobel are looking at him in guilt, so much guilt as if it’s dripping off them.

“Yes,” Isobel answers. She can’t stop herself, dosed by the serum as she is. And suddenly Michael regrets asking if they were keeping any secrets from him in jest, after he showed up to the lab and found them yelling. He really didn’t expect Max to say yes and start talking about his and Isobel’s parents. “Mom and dad were talking when we were around 14 about taking you in. But we were so afraid that if all of us were under the same roof they would find out about what we are. I went inside their heads and made them forget about it the next day.”

Michael closes his eyes. He can’t think about it. Can’t consider it. It will only break his heart.

“That’s why they suddenly changed, why you were welcome one day and not the next. The only thing they remembered about you was the angry thirteen-year-old you were,” Max adds. He’s visibly trying not to speak, seemingly in pain over it. Michael can’t help but think good.

“So you made sure I was left on the street. Let me believe no one wanted me.”

“Yes,” Isobel whispers through clenched teeth. And Michael knows he has to get out of there before he starts crying. Or worse, screaming.

“Good to know.” His voice is rough, hurt. He doesn’t bother hiding it.

“Michael, you have to under-“

“Oh, I understand, don’t worry,” he understands exactly why they did it. Doesn’t mean it hurts any less or makes him any less angry. “Liz, you need me or can I go?”

“You can go,” Liz tells him. “I wouldn’t want to be here either after that.”

He nods at Liz and turns around walking out of the bunker while Isobel yells how sorry she is behind him. At least he knows she means it even if it doesn’t matter since he also knows that they don’t regret it. He can hear Kyle starting to lecture them on his behalf though he doesn’t stay to listen. He doesn’t care to.

He’s numb, numb beyond belief as he gets into his car, as he starts it, as he puts it in drive, as he drives off. He doesn’t know where he’s driving, doesn’t really care. He just knows he needs to get away from the bunker, from Isobel and Max.

Though he’s not terribly surprised when he stops the car and he’s outside Alex’s house. There’s so much shit and pain and confusing emotions between them, but there is one thing that he has never worried about; he will always feel appreciated by Alex. Even when they argue.

He still stays in the car, something inside him preventing him from getting out and actually going to Alex. He tells himself it’s because he wants to let Alex sleep. Never mind that it’s only ten pm, never mind that Alex is rarely in bed before midnight. It would feel too much like using him.

He doesn’t expect the car door to open not long after getting there, Alex jumping in on the passenger side. He’s in grey sweatpants and a black t-shirt, sans prosthetic and looking incredibly soft. As always, the sight of Alex relaxed fills him with a warm, sunny feeling. It wills him with joy, even a certain amount of pride. He’s finally seeing pieces of the old Alex again, the emo shit that pushed everyone’s boundaries, who was deathly afraid after the shed incident. He can’t help but like it.

“Not that I mind, Guerin, is there a reason you’re here at ten at night?” Alex asks. There’s a calm look on his face, almost like he’s making himself seem unthreatening. They’ve had enough late night fights that Michael understands why, though he still hates it.

“Sorry, I was just driving around and ended up here. Didn’t mean to disturb you.”

“You never disturb me. We might not always be good at talking without fighting, but you’re always welcome,” Alex replies. He says it so easily, so completely that for a moment Michael forgets to breathe. “You okay though? You look… sad.”

“I’m fine,” Michael says, too quickly from the look Alex gives him. The worst part of their ten-year thing is how well Alex knows him. Sometimes he wishes he didn’t.

“Do you need anything?”

Michael opens his mouth to speak but in that moment his brain fractures and his carefully controlled chaos snaps. He can see it all, the memories flitting before his eyes like scenes of a movie.

The angry teenager he was, finally back in Roswell in his thirteenth year and back with his siblings. The anger of which Ann and Phil Evans saw firsthand many times. Until he broke down crying on their front step after escaping from his current foster home, beaten black and blue. Them taking him in that night, taking care of him, Ann’s kind words and Phil’s gentle touch as they cleaned his wounds.

He tried to be kind after that, tried to repay them for what he’d done. He didn’t always manage, but they knew what he went through. And in turn he was welcome to stay whenever he needed, an offer he often took advantage of.

He remembers thinking that that was why they turned from him, why he was suddenly no longer welcome. He learnt to not accept charity after that, believing that his greed, his using of the Evans’ offer was the reason they no longer wanted him there.

To find out that Isobel and Max are the reason, that he could have stayed with them and had a loving home alongside them… It’s too much after everything else.

“Michael, you’re crying.”

The soft words startle him, prompting him to slowly take a hand off of the steering wheel and touch his face. His fingers are wet when he looks at them.

“You never call me Michael,” he says instead of commenting on his crying.

“You’ve never cried in front of me.” And Alex is right, he never has. It’s all lust and fiery passion between them, anger and love and fierce emotions. Never just sadness.

“It’s nothing.”

“You’re a miserable liar,” Alex says and Michael just looks at him in shock. The small teasing smile makes him burst into laughter, laughing harder than he has in a while.

The laughter turns quickly to tears, even though he doesn’t want it to, even though he tries to stop them. But he can’t, the sadness and tears take hold now that he’s acknowledged them, running in fat rivulets down his face as he cries silently, his frame shaking. The pain he’s felt since Caulfield, since Max, since Isobel, since the first time he was beaten black and blue because he was a curious kid comes rushing out. He feels the pain like a black band tightening around his heart, tightening further and further as the tears just keep coming. In that moment the pain surpasses everything and he wonders if he can ever feel remotely okay again, a whine unwittingly forcing its way up his throat.

A hand wraps around his upper arm and tugs him sideways. He resists, at first, not wanting to appear weak. He hates it, he’s not a charity case or someone that can easily be taken care of. That’s not who he is, not who he wants to be. But he gets tugged again, and he’s also tired, so fucking tired. He stops resisting and falls gratefully into Alex’s open arms.

He’s touch starved in many ways, even more starved for true comfort. And Alex knows, as always, exactly what he needs as his hand tangles in his curls, lightly stroking, gentle and sure as Alex hugs him tight, his other hand stroking down his back. It’s a move done several times before, though usually under the cover of darkness, in a bed or on a stale mattress, wherever they could find time together the times they saw one another during the last ten years, scared boys and then young men taking comfort and love wherever they could get it, in the face of overwhelming grief.

It’s never been easy, and back then it never felt completely safe. But Alex still makes him feel loved. Even now, after everything.

He just lets himself cry, clings to Alex in a desperate hope that he will forget, that he can forget how much he’s been hurt over the years. How much he himself has hurt others as well. It’s the deepest burden he has, the knowledge of how much hurt he’s dolled out over the years to try and keep himself uninteresting, to try and keep people from wanting to know him. But here he is, clinging to Alex like he never wants him to disappear again, like he never wants him to move from his side. He knows there’s truth to it, but he still doesn’t want to think about it.

He’s too used to being walked away from. Tonight proved that. Especially since he’d never really considered that Max and Isobel had hidden something from him. It explains how easily they’d agreed to keeping the secrets of Rosa and Liz.

He zones out again, just sits against Alex, tears still rolling down his face and his nose hidden in Alex’s neck. It feels calm, like no one can bother him. He knows it won’t last but he still wants to feel it more often. He misses Alex, misses him like he thinks Alex misses his right leg, even if it’s not the same, even if it can’t be compared. Once upon a time Alex wanted him. He’s about the only one that ever has, at least for a longer period of time.

But now he knows that Ann and Phil Evans wanted him, too. Wanted him enough that they were going to offer him a place in their home. And his siblings destroyed it.

“Come on, let’s go inside. Sitting sideways like this is hell on my leg.”

“Shit Alex, I’m s-“

“Stop, that’s not what I meant. Just come inside, please?” Alex doesn’t give him time to answer, just opens the door and gets out, expertly using his crutches to go towards his house. Michael doesn’t feel like he deserves to come in, but he will go if Alex is offering. He still wants to be good.

He takes a minute to calm down and dry his tears before he follows, walking in to find Alex in the kitchen fixing a cup of tea. An herbal tea with peppermint that Michael vaguely recalls telling Alex he liked once way back when. A tea he likes only because Ann Evans gave it to him several times when she would get up in the mornings and find Michael in the kitchen, after he was unable to sleep.

“Why do you have that? You don’t drink tea?” He asks.

“I don’t. But you do,” is the reply he gets. All that has been said and done, and Alex still continues to astound him. “Now go sit down on the couch and take the tea. I’ll be in in a second.”

He does as Alex says, walking into the living room with the cup of tea clenched in his hand. It burns his fingers, it feels good. He sits down sighing at the warm embrace Alex’s couch gives him. It’s a good couch, a deep gray with just enough give to make you feel comfortable yet not swallowed. He sips his tea slowly, cherishing it and the comfort it still brings. He continues sipping it even as Alex joins him, sitting as close as he can get without crowding him. Maybe they never talked, but they still know each other in all the ways that matters.

“You wanna tell me what happened? You don't have to but you can if you want,” Alex asks as Michael nears the end of his tea. His tone is low, the timbreof it designed not to startle or make him feel insecure. It’s a tone of voice Alex uses when he needs someone to calm down. It’s a tone he’s heard several times throughtout the years. Both in anger, and in love. Michael sighs, drinks the last of the tea and places the cup on the coffee table, his eyes firmly set on the table.

“Max and Isobel made Mr. and Mrs. Evans forget that they wanted to take me in because they were afraid of what would happen if the three of us were under the same roof.” He doesn’t mean to tell him, doesn’t even want to, really. But he still does. Alex would never use it against him, not the way other people would if they could use him. And Alex will never judge him for being sad.

“What.”

Michael’s gaze turns to Alex’s face. He knows that tone of voice too, it’s the soldier tone, the tone of someone who’s 29 and on his way to becoming a major through hard work, careful insubordination and a will to fight his own battles. It’s not an Alex he’s met many times, he usually keeps the military side of him far away, knowing how Michael might react when pushed with it. But this is pure soldier, pure commander, pure disbelief and careful hints of anger. Michael might have issues with Airman Alex and what made him become who he is, but he does respect him. His issues are not Alex’s fault anyway, something he tries strongly to remind himself of.

“They, uh. They got exposed to a truth serum in the lab, Liz, Kyle, Iz, and Max. Liz called me in and asked if I could help, and as a joke I asked if Iz and Max were hiding any secrets from me.” Michael breathes deeply, closing his eyes so he doesn’t have to look at Alex’s face. “Apparently they were, as they started talking about when we were 14 and they overheard their parents talking about adopting me too. Isobel influenced them into forgetting everything, and I went from being Michael to being ‘that boy’ again.”

“Did they say why?” Alex asks.

“Does it really matter?” Michael bites back.

“Of course it matters, it always matters when you’ve been hurt by it.” Alex replies, the tone still there though it has softened a bit.

Michael sighs. “They were afraid of what would happen if the three of us were under the same roof. They were scared they would figure out what we were. I could've had a home, Alex, a family. Instead I have nothing, just anger and rage and hurt.”

It’s silent, for a minute. Not that Michael minds, it gives him time to think. He opens his eyes when he feels a soft press of lips on his forehead, looking at Alex in surprise when he leans back.

“That’s not true, you have Liz, Kyle, Maria a,nd you have Iz and Max too even if it doesn’t feel like it right now,” Alex says, his hands leaving Michael’s hair and framing his face. “And I know you don’t believe it but. You have me, Michael. You’ve always had me.”

“But I hurt you so bad, Alex. Worse than I’ve hurt anyone else in my life.”

“Yeah, and I hurt you.” Alex sighs. “None of us were innocent in that, but that’s not the point I was trying to make.”

“Then what’s the point?”

“The point is that you have a home, and a family. You know I never really had a family when I grew up either, so I forged my own, just like you did. And I know you can’t really see it right now, but you have everything you wanted and hoped for when you were a kid.” Alex smiles, it’s small and careful but still so very beautiful. “You have a family right here, Michael. Just like I do.”

“I don’t know if I want to forgive them for this, Alex,” he whispers in the silence left from Alex’s words.

“Then don’t. You’re an amazing person, Michael, you’ve been through more hurt and pain than anyone should ever have to. But you still love because of it, you still try to see the best in everyone. If you don’t want to forgive them yet then you don’t have to.” He knows Alex means them, knows he’s not just saying it. It still feels… wrong, to not forgive.

“But-“

“No buts. Take your time, you deserve it. Maybe make them grovel a bit, make them buy you shit.”

He opens his mouth to protest when he sees the teasing smile yet again on Alex’s lips. It makes him huff out a laugh.

“You know I don’t accept charity.”

“Maybe you should,” Alex replies, the teasing smile still on his lips. It makes the darkness in Michael lighten, just a little, the way Alex always manages to.

“I love you.”

It’s not what he means to say, but the shock that turns into quiet delight on Alex’s face says it all.

“I love you too,” Alex replies and Michael can’t help but lean in, waiting to see if Alex moves away. When he doesn’t he places the sweetest kiss on his lips, he can’t help it.

“When all this has settled a bit and I’m not such an emotional wreck, maybe you and I should have that talk we should’ve had ages ago. If you still want to?” he asks.

Alex smiles in return. “I’d love to.”

It’s easy after that to gather Alex close, to kiss his forehead in return, to soak up all the love and return it tenfold. He might be a failure, might be a bad man, might not be anything worth keeping for some.

It’s enough to know that he’s still worth something, to Alex. He can deal with his siblings another day.

#roswell new mexico #roswell new mexico fic #michael guerin #isobel evans #max evans #alex manes #malex fic #ish #hopeful leaning to happy ending #hurt/comfort

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meaningofmotorsport · 3 years

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Bahrain Grand Prix Review

What a way to start the season! The first race of the year, has given us so many reasons to be excited about 2021, and reminded us of why we love F1, even if the FIA continue to be inconsistent in the policing of the rules!

Let’s get straight to the big talking point, which seems to have angered a lot of fans, the Turn 4 track limits situation. Firstly, I want to make it clear, that there is no reason to lay any blame on Mercedes. After talking to other teams and drivers, it appears that down the paddock, different teams interpreted what the FIA was saying in different ways, so it wasn’t Mercedes intentionally cheating! The problem is, that the FIA do not seem to have a hard and fast rule on track limits, it is fluid, and even when they do set out a plan, they don’t always stick to it.

From what I heard, track limits were not mentioned in the drivers briefing for the race, so some teams assumed the rules from qualifying carried over and some did not. Then during the race, it looks from the outside, that the FIA only started looking at Turn 4, after Red Bull told Max to start using it, because they realised Mercedes were. This kind of lack of awareness and communication, makes it look as though they are favouring teams when they are not. Just to clarify, I agree with the decision to tell Max to let Lewis through, as he went off track to help complete the manoeuvre, even if he was already ahead as he went out of bounds. The one that I question, is that Hamilton apparently went off track there 30 times, with only a warning, was this because he did not gain an advantage for most of them, or the FIA took too long to pick up on it? I hope it is the former, as this will not affect the racing, but if it is the latter, the FIA really need to get their act together, before we get a more farcical situation.

As I said, it is likely that Turn 4 did not determine the outcome of the race, and even if it did, Red Bull cannot claim they had a faultless race on their part. This is because, Mercedes showed today why they are champions, as they used aggressive strategy to put Red Bull under pressure, despite not having their car pace. This left Verstappen with a lot of work to do, and meant he had to do risky moves, like the one we saw, which cost him the race win. Admittedly I can’t see too much that Horner and the team could have done, apart from maybe saving the mediums for the end of the race, and pitting Max earlier for the last stop, as an almost 9 second gap to close up, is a lot to do, when you also have to pass the car.

The drive by Lewis was also incredible, holding off Verstappen for so long, making him use up tyres, until he was unable to pass him anymore. Best of all, it has set us up for a hopefully season long battle between those two teams, which could go right down to the wire. Their teammates may not be too far off either, as Bottas did not have a terrible race in terms of pace, he was just screwed by the long pitstop, without that he would have been within 10 seconds of the win, which whilst not being where he needs to be, is an improvement on before. Perez made up for a tough Saturday, with an inspired drive from the pitlane to P5, this shows that his race pace is up there with the leaders, so once he can get on top of the one lap pace, he could be able to help his teammate more often.

As expected, McLaren were there when it mattered, Lando started well, got past Leclerc and Gasly, and was off into the distance, grabbing a useful haul of points in P4. Daniel did not have his teammates pace, with tyre wear holding him back from pushing more, nevertheless, P7 is not bad for his first race with the team, I am sure he will only improve from there.

2020 was dismal for the Scuderia, their worst since 1980, and whilst they are not back where they need to be, 2021 has started off much stronger. The car seems to be better in all areas, and they could actually be the biggest threat to McLaren if they keep progressing like this. Leclerc got all he could from the car, as Sainz admitted he took it easy today, to make sure he finished and learnt from it. As they head home to Imola, can they keep this up?

If Alpha Tauri are disappointed with just 2 points, they should take it as a compliment, Gasly was where he needed to be for the race, however he made the smallest mistake, clipped Ricciardo and broke his front wing. Who knows what race pace he had, although I expect maybe not as good as McLaren’s? Tsunoda should come away from this weekend proud of his work, he got into Q2 yesterday, and fought back from a tough lap 1, overtaking many cars in the chaotic midfield, to score some points. The future looks very bright for him, if he can keep building from this.

Aston Martin may have been hurt the most with the regulation change, as Mercedes have the might to reclaim a lot of their lost performance. The car, which was third fastest last year, may now only be sixth or even seventh in the pecking order. Stroll was able to grab the last point today, but that was only as result of Alonso’s brake issues, and Ocon’s crash with Vettel, which pretty much summed up the 4 time champions weekend, as he careered into the back of the Frenchman. It could be a tough road ahead for them, until 2022 comes into view.

Alfa Romeo may not have any points to their name yet, however with their pace, and where they finished overall, it might as well feel like it. They have jumped clear of Williams and Haas, and should be in with a chance of a good haul of points this year. Alpine have had a rough start to their time in F1, the car has pace at least, with Alonso reaching the top 10, and staying there until his brake issue. I don’t think they will be as strong as they were last year, although with Alonso anything is possible.

Williams never really featured in the race, apart from the odd battle with cars exiting the pits, their pace looked on the whole better, as Russell was not far off the midfield pack. I wonder if they now need to focus fully on next year, to try and boost up the field. Haas’ race was tougher than even we had expected, Mazepin once again this weekend lost the car and crashed, with Mick also spinning early on, before settling into a rhythm. Hopefully he has learnt a lot from today, doing a full race, and can be nearer the pack in the future, although it is unlikely.

Compared to the usual procession in Melbourne, this was a much more enjoyable way to start the campaign. When you look back at 2020, it was an incredible season, with many great races, and story lines, all it missed was a title fight at the front. Now, with everyone’s cards laid on the table, we might get just that, on top of action throughout the field. Is it too late to cancel the 2022 regulations?

-M

#bahrain grand prix #f1 #bahraingp

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valyrfia · 5 years

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Stranger Things 3 First Reactions

I’ve literally just finished Stranger Things 3, let’s discuss:

Definitely this was the biggest season in terms of action. It did feel like a huge summer blockbuster and while it was amazing, there is always the argument that some of the more quiet emotional moments were overlooked in favour of action

The ending...it didn’t go the way I wanted it to go, but I was actually satisfied

Of course I cried buckets BUCKETS when Hopper died, but I figured he would die when he went down to the basement and we knew if one was standing on the floor next to the drill they’d vaporise. Joyce has really bad luck with love interests

Billy was expected, and don’t get me wrong I absolutely hated the guy at the beginning of this season, but they did an okay job of humanising him. Sure I didn’t love him, but his sacrifice was somewhat touching. Hope we see his dad get his comeuppance at some point

And for Eleven to lose her father figure on top of all the other shit she’s gone through...oof. That shit hurts.

I love LOVE that Eleven was adopted by Joyce. I totally thought we were in for a lab abduction, especially with Hopper, her legal guardian, being gone, so I was so glad to be proven wrong.

We’ll finally get Will and El being siblings next season! We’ve been fighting for this from season 1! I for one am absolutely PUMPED.

I feel like they could end Stranger Things here and I would be totally satisfied. Arc-wise, all the characters are resolved more or less, El has her family and her powers are gone, Will had to come to terms with his lost childhood, the Byers are finally moving away from the town that’s terrorised them since s1, Steve has had his full redemption, Nancy and Jonathan are going to go off to college. It feels like a really good place to end the series. Of course I am DYING for another season (I’ll put my predictions for s4 at the end of this post) but I want to end on a high, and this is quite a high.

I assume they have a gate open in Siberia then? Or one that we don’t know about? Also Erica is so damn smart knowing full well that those cages were for demogorgans

‘The American’? Do you reckon they have Kali or one of the other numbers? Interesting.

That being said, I’m not a huge fan that they just decided to go with the usual cliché ‘Russians are the true enemy!’ trope. Are we just going to forget about all the bad shit the American scientists did in the first place?

I feel like they really underused Will this season, Noah Schnapp is a terrific actor, probably one of the best of the kids and while he has some amazing scenes, most of the time he’s just standing at the back of the party being a Mindflayer radar. We saw what he could do in s2 and I really expected the Duffers to take advantage of that. Maybe next season.

Destroying Castle Byers absolutely killed me, it was the one scene that had me full-out sobbing. However that being said, it was a big emotional moment at the end of ep 3 and then wasn’t really mentioned again except in passing.

Robin was brilliant, an amazing addition to the cast and her chemistry with Steve and Dustin was incredible

I loved the touching scene in the bathroom between her and Steve, I ALSO love how they used ‘The First I Love You’, the same soundtrack that was used for Mike and Eleven’s confession and the parallel to Nancy and Jonathan’s first kiss. Even though the relationship isn’t romantic, they care deeply DEEPLY about each other and Steve being an absolute ally and telling Robin she could do way better was just so heartwarming and actually made me tear up

Max was also incredible. I hadn’t quite warmed to her last season but she’s so fiery and loving and definitely is one of my favourite characters now.

Max and El’s friendship made me smile so so much. It definitely felt realistic, despite what the reviews said. True some things were a little cliché, like them gushing over boys in magazines and trying on a million clothes at The Gap but the scene where they were spying on random people through psychic tv and where they were cooped up talking in a bathroom felt real. I absolutely loved their dynamic this season, it’s really refreshing to see a female friendship on screen again (considering the last one was Nancy and Barb?)

Tonally, this season felt all over the place. It was definitely more messy (both in terms of what was on screen AND in terms of plot) than the previous two seasons. The stakes didn’t feel quite as high as usual and the tonal shift dampened some of the really emotional scenes.

Take the whole ‘Suzie Do You Copy?’ scene, the stakes were way high at that point and then we get a full minute and a half of a musical rendition of Neverending Story, it just felt a bit jarring and out of place.

Also, we learnt about Russian involvement but we still know nothing more about the Upside Down, the Mindflayer or the original Hawkins Lab experiments.

I criticize, but it was still an absolute joy to watch.

My least favourite out of all the seasons so far perhaps, but it’s still my favourite tv show

SEASON 4 PREDICTIONS

Considering Mike explicitly mentioned Thanksgiving/Christmas I’m expecting season 4 late 2020. Probably Christmas, I could see them releasing it around Christmas time. That’s also about the correct length of time it’ll take to make season 4. Also the Duffers are really big on framing the seasons around holidays. December 2020 calling it now.

We’ll see the gang reunite in Hawkins, obviously.

The gang would have just started high school and I reckon we’ll see them start to drift apart.

Mike will be struggling, out of everyone the two people he was closest with were Will and El. Not to mention Nancy will be gone off to college as well.

We’ll definitely get some Will/El duo scenes and I am beyond hyped. Millie Bobby Brown and Noah Schnapp are such good friends off-screen it’ll undoubtedly carry over to their on-screen chemistry.

It’s the duo we deserve.

I want to see El FLOURISH. Hopefully we find out that El has actually gone to school, that she has friends...loads of friends who just think she’s a normal 15 year old girl. I want to see this.

I hate to be THAT person...but I really hope they address Will’s sexuality. Again, as with past seasons all we got was very explicit subtext. This season is the last they can really dance around the subject. Will will be 15 or near 15 next season, you know who you’re attracted to at that point.

Not to mention that they have Robin in the mix now, someone who’s maybe not publicly comfortable with her sexuality, but has come to terms with it. A mentor figure, if you will.

Speaking of Will in the plot sense, I do wonder whether they are going to go down the route of him having powers or not. There’s loads of clues and easter eggs about it/parallels with him and El. I was quite surprised they didn’t go down that route this season and didn’t delve any deeper into his connection to the Upside Down/Mindflayer

It would be super powerful and impactful to parallel him having to keep a secret about any potential ‘powers’ from his friends and family with another ‘secret’. In that situation, I can totally see El becoming Will’s confidante for both. But I digress.

The Russians are up to no good. Again.

We’ll definitely see Kali in some shape or form, and maybe other test subjects

There’s that American after all, I do strongly suspect that’s another Hawkins Lab subject, or past employee.

I do hope they switch up the formula a bit for the big monster in s4, there’s only so many times you can close the gate after all.

Either way, I want s4 now, not in seventeen months.

TO ROUND-UP: It’s still got its charm, it’s still got its magic, it’s still got its nostalgia. Stranger Things 3, it’s been a pleasure. Bring on December 2020

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aethelar · 4 years

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All the world’s a game

And Izuku’s the main player. A My Hero Academia AU where Izuku has a gamer quirk.

Izuku Midoriya’s abilities started developing when he was three years old, marking him as one of the eighty percent majority that had a quirk. They didn’t give any sign that they’d started, of course; no small objects flying towards him, no fire hiccoughing out when he sneezed. Nothing obvious at all in fact, but quietly behind the scenes, his quirk developed.

“An invisible quirk,” the doctors called it, a year later, when Izuku’s x-rays came back free of extra toe joints. “It’s possible it has an obscure activation criteria, or an effect which hasn’t been noticed yet.” This particular doctor pulled a rusty but at least somewhat sincerely sympathetic face at Izuku and cautioned him, “You may never find out what your quirk is, I’m afraid.” He laughed, then added as though he couldn’t resist the pun, “Invisible quirks can be very hard to see.”

“Shows what he knows,” Kacchan scoffed when Izuku faithfully relayed the explanation. “If you were invisible you’d be impossible to see. Stupid old man.”

“I don’t think that’s what he meant,” Izuku said, pushing himself into a jog to keep up with the taller boy. He ran, as he always did, for precisely seven seconds, then walked for four, then ran for seven, then walked, and so on.

“Keep up,” Kacchan yelled from several paces ahead.

Izuku ran for another seven seconds at top speed before his feet slowed stubbornly to a four second walk.

“Maybe,” he theorised to Kacchan several months later, “maybe it’s a brain quirk.”

Kacchan wrinkled his nose. “What, like a super nerd? That’s lame.”

“Izuku’s super smart thought,” Tsubasa said thoughtfully from his other side. “He’s really good at homework.”

“That’s even lamer. How is homework going to help him be a hero?”

“I don’t think it’s homework.” Izuku frowned, trying to find the words to explain something he wasn’t even sure existed. “It’s like… I always know where I am if I’ve been somewhere, but I have to actually think about it first. And I don’t know how I know but I do, you know?”

“Oh, that’s a quirk?” Tsubasa asked, wings shifting in excitement. “I do that too! I thought I just recognised places. You think I have two quirks?”

“Yes, I mean, no, but - as in, I think I have a map? In my head? Of where I am now and where I’ve been before. But a moving map, not a paper one. And I fill it in when I go places.”

“A map?” Tsubasa’s wings drooped. “Oh. I can’t read maps. They don’t make sense.”

“Maps aren’t quirks and you’re both idiots,” Kacchan said. He pushed himself off from the wall and landed with a harsh thud on the ground, palms sparking with just enough force to slow his descent, and Tsubasa and Izuku scrambled to follow. Tsubasa opened his wings into a controlled fall with a graceless but effective flap, while Izuku turned around and began the lengthy process of climbing down hand over hand.

“Slow,” Kacchan complained. The fact that he couldn’t scale the same wall didn’t seem to occur to him, nor the fact that it was a smooth stone, entirely lacking in footholds or anything to grip.

“Sorry,” Izuku said, dropping the last step and waiting the required four seconds before he was ready to run. He was up to eleven seconds now before he needed a rest, but climbing was harder - he could manage six, and never on glass, under an overhang, or in the rain. Six seconds of going vertically up pretty much any non-smooth surface, but then his arms and legs would seize up and he’d go tumbling to the floor until his required four seconds of rest were up.

(He’d learnt the hard way.)

“I’m hungry,” Izuku explained again.

“You want to be hungry and in trouble? Move, Deku!”

“Kacchan,” Izuku said, voice wobbling dangerously close to tears, “I’m hungry. I can’t run. It doesn’t work.” And, because Kacchan still looked mutinous, he sniffed and added: “It’s part of my quirk.”

Kacchan threw his hands up with far too much exasperation for any six year old to reasonably feel, then settled the issue by dragging Izuku into an uncomfortable piggy back. “Anything else I should know about you being hungry?” he asked, jabbing an elbow into Izuku’s side to make him stop squirming.

“Um. If I’m hungry for too long I get sick?”

“Your quirk is the most useless thing ever, I swear.”

“Here,” Katsuki said, roughly shoving a packet of crisps, a juice box and an apple into Izuku’s bag. He knew better than to give them to Izuku to hold directly; he had two hands, and therefore could hold two things, and if given any more to hold had a bad habit of dropping them on the floor like an idiot.

Because he was. An idiot. One who couldn’t be trusted to take care of himself, which is why Katsuki was feeding him, so he wouldn’t go hungry and stop running again.

“Ah, Kacchan - wait -” And the second Katsuki let go of the last item, Izuku staggered to a halt and sat down hard.

“Deku,” he growled. “What.”

“It can only hold ten things! You put too many in there and now it’s full.” Izuku shrugged himself out of the straps and tugged forlornly on the top handle, but the backpack stayed resolutely on the floor as though Katsuki had tipped lead bricks into it instead of food.

Tsubasa took the opportunity to lean over and peer inside the bag. “There’s still space,” he said helpfully. “It’s only half full.”

“And anyway! I’ve seen you carrying things for Auntie, there’s no way you can’t lift that!” Katsuki had seen Izuku casually lift a table to move it around the living room. For a scrawny mess of big eyes and freckles, Izuku was sometimes freakishly strong.

The scrawny mess in question heaved at the drooping school bag, twig-muscles standing out on twig-arms as he failed to make it budge. “They weren’t eleven things, Kacchan! Quirk says ten max!”

“Your quirk is a pain. Tsubasa, carry Deku’s bag.”

“‘Kay,” the other boy said, lifting the backpack up with the tip of an outstretched wing. “Have you got any more juice boxes? I finished mine.”

“You can have mine,” Izuku offered. “Then I’ll be able to carry it again.”

Katsuki knocked Tsubasa’s hand away. “No,” he said. “It’s for Deku when he’s hungry. I’ll get you one after class.”

“‘Kay.”

“Ten things,” Kacchan said later. Izuku turned towards him warily; he recognised the tone of voice. Kacchan was planning.

Kacchan’s plans only sometimes went right for others involved, but it was never a good idea to try and back out. Wariness was about the best Izuku could manage.

“Any ten things?”

“Um,” Izuku said. “I think so? I tested some of it, and it’s definitely ten. But if they’re in something they only count as one.” He got a somewhat blank look, so pulled his bag towards him to explain. “Like, here. My pencil case. It’s got ten pencils in it, right? But it’s only one thing because it’s a pencil case, so it counts as one. Even though it’s actually ten. Or, well, ten pencils plus one case so eleven. It’s eleven, but it goes in my bag as one thing.”

Kacchan turned the case over in his hands. “Huh,” he said, squinting at Izuku. “Could you put a hundred pencils in ten cases and put those ten in one big case and put that in your bag?”

“Yeah, I think so! So long as they fit. I did some testing when I discovered it, I think I have the notebook somewhere -”

“Nerd,” Kacchan interrupted with a roll of his eyes. “I believe you, I don’t need your diary.” He snapped the pencil case shut and handed it back - then doubled over laughing when it slammed Izuku’s hands to the floor as soon as he took it.

“Ow - Kacchan! What did you - you added something to it!”

“A sticker,” Kacchan wheezed. “I put a sticker in it and you actually can’t - oh my god Deku your quirk - a freakin’ sticker -”

“Ten of anything, Kacchan! Only ten!”

Anything, it turned out, really meant anything. The backpack wasn’t big enough for Kacchan’s liking so they retrieved Izuku’s mum’s suitcase from under her bed and filled it with the heaviest things in the house, including, at one point, Kacchan himself. Ten items or less, Izuku lifted it no problem. Add the sticker as an eleventh, and it crashed to the ground.

That part wasn’t so bad, but Izuku had two hands as well, and each hand could hold one of any item. Including Kacchan. And the sofa. But add the sticker, and, well, that’s how Izuku’s arm broke.

“Shit,” Kacchan swore, staring at it white-faced. In any other circumstances Izuku would’ve protested at the language, but he could be forgiven for being distracted.

“It’s going backwards,” he said with a morbid fascination that was probably the only thing keeping the pain at bay.

“Don’t touch it!” Kacchan slapped his good hand away. “And don’t tell Aunty! It’s not hurt that bad. I’ll get you a chocolate bar tomorrow if you stay upstairs and I’ll tell Aunty you’re sick and don’t say anything.”

“But it needs a plaster - ow!”

Izuku’s eyes filled with tears and Kacchan dropped his arm as though burned, eyes wide. “I’m sorry, don’t cry,” he flapped. “I’ll get a plaster, you’re fine, right? Plaster, bed, chocolate, don’t tell Aunty, stop crying. Right?”

“Two chocolate bars,” Izuku argued between sniffs. “And I want the All Might plasters, the normal ones aren’t as good.”

“Done,” Kacchan agreed, and hustled the shorter boy down to the bathroom. The All Might plaster was dutifully stuck on Izuku’s shoulder (they weren’t sure if it would work there, but seeing as his arm hurt when it was touched the shoulder seemed the safest place), Izuku himself was practically barricaded in his room, and Kacchan prepared his best innocent smile for lying through his teeth to every parent in the vicinity.

It was foolproof.

The fact that Izuku woke up in the morning with his arm completely healed only proved how flawless their planning really was. (That and the unmistakable power of All Might plasters).

“Where’s Deku?”

“Here!”

“Shit, don’t do that! Make some noise or something, seriously.”

“Sorry, I forgot I was crouching.”

“Your damn quirk Deku, I swear to god.”

“Sorry, Kacchan.”

“Again, Midoriya,” the gym teacher said. “And this time actually try to run the course without stopping.”

“But sensei, I can only manage thirty eight seconds of sprint and it takes two minutes and four seconds for each lap -”

“Midoriya!”

Izuku growled wordlessly and stomped back to the starting line. “Middle school is the worst.”

“You want me to hit him for you?” Tsubasa offered, standing ready with a stopwatch. He eyed the teacher, carefully comparing his wing strength to the man’s arm muscles in the way Katsuki had taught him. “I can hit him for you.”

“No hitting teachers, Tsubasa. No hitting anyone. We’ll get detention.”

“You and Katsuki will rescue me,” he said with easy conviction. “You’re heroes, it’s what you do.” It made Izuku smile at him, briefly lifting his mood. His old teachers had got used to the oddities and restrictions his quirk put on him, but even a month into middle school and his new teachers didn’t seem to have caught up. In a class full of visible quirks and Kacchan, Izuku was easy to overlook; it was an annoyance, but not one worth getting into trouble for.

At least, Izuku didn’t think so. Kacchan had practically exploded with protective fury when a teacher had tried to stop Izuku eating between classes, but Kacchan liked exploding so it probably wasn’t a good test.

“Heroes don’t hit people,” he told Tsubasa. “Unless they’re villains.”

“Yeah, but villains are people who disagree with heroes, and you ‘n Katsuki are heroes, so you can hit anyone who disagrees with you. It’s how it works.”

“It’s really not -”

“Midoriya! Less talking, more running!”

Izuku fought the urge to glare back at the teacher. Tsubasa, far too honest with his feelings and unused to fighting his urges, glared double.

“Let’s get this over with,” Izuku muttered, settling himself into ready position. “Count me down?”

When he was done, the time on Tsubasa’s stopwatch showed a clean six minutes, twelve seconds, with a precise time of two minutes four seconds per lap. Exactly the same as the previous two times Izuku had run the course.

He might not be the fastest of runners in a straight out sprint, but at least Izuku was consistent. If it wasn’t such a pain to stop and eat when sprinting made his hunger ran out he’d make a good long distance runner, but it was a pain, so he didn’t.

Also quirk use was forbidden in gym class.

“You need to push your boundaries,” the teacher said with a disappointed head shake. “I won’t tolerate slacking. Here, collect these and take them back to the equipment cupboard.” He pressed three stopwatches into Izuku’s hands, and Izuku could only watch in resignation as one of them tumbled to the ground.

“I’ll get it in a sec, sensei,” he said dully and trudged off to deposit the two in his hands before he could be accused of being disrespectful of school property.

Tsubasa jogged up, the fallen stopwatch carefully retrieved. “I can still hit him. You’re sure you don’t want me to hit him? Kacchan won’t mind.”

“No hitting people, Tsubasa.”

“Even villains?”

“Sensei’s not a villain.”

“Oh. Do you want me to hit him anyway?”

“Tsubasa.”

By the time he was fourteen, Izuku thought he had most of his quirk nailed down. He wasn’t sure what the common theme was - he had suspicions and ideas, but seriously, a gamer quirk? Ridiculous - but he was pretty certain he’d got the features in place.

The map he’d started filling in as a four year old covered most of the city by now, with long spider legs arching out along the train lines. It didn’t include a compass, but he could usually tell which way was which just by tracking his position along the map as he moved. It was on the one hand less useful than the map his phone gave him as it didn’t show places he hadn’t been, but also more useful in that he could zoom it into buildings and bring up floor plans if he concentrated hard enough.

His phone didn’t give him as many headaches though.

The issue with only being able to hold one thing in each hand, or ten things in a bag, required some creative thinking. Packing for a trip anywhere was the worst, everything had to be grouped in stacks of ten and placed in other bags just to allow him to pick up a suitcase. His school bag was usually ok, but carrying shopping was a logistical nightmare. Thank god for multipacks, that’s all Izuku was saying.

On the other hand, there didn’t seem to be a weight limit on what those items were, as Kacchan had so spectacularly discovered when he dropped a sofa on Izuku’s head and broke his arm. Izuku hadn’t found much use in his life so far for being able to deadlift a bus (plus up to ten passengers, but the bus was the impressive thing), but he was pretty sure it would come in handy as a hero.

And the other discovery from that day with the sofa, although neither of them had realised it at the time - sleep was good for Izuku. None of this waiting around, lying awake in bed unable to drift off; if it was night, and Izuku was in a bed, then he slept the healing sleep of the dead right through to sunrise and woke up in perfect health. On the plus side, he never had a nightmare, and never had an illness or injury follow him through to the next morning.

On the downside, Izuku didn’t budge from bed until the sun was up. In summer, he woke early. In winter, he still woke kind of early because sunrise in Japan only ever got as late as around seven-ish. But if he needed to be up before then, well… No. Not physically possible. A villain could burn the house down and tango on the ashes, and Izuku wouldn’t stir until sunrise came.

He got surprisingly used to skipping sleep all together when he needed to be up early. That and apologising for being late, he got the apologies down to an art form.

(He hadn’t yet unlocked the feature that wouldn’t let him sleep when enemies were nearby for the simple fact that, at fourteen, Izuku didn’t have enemies. Nor had he discovered yet that he couldn’t sleep without a bed because why on earth would he try to sleep without a bed? He’d once mortally offended Kacchan by offering to take the floor when they were having a sleepover, and Kacchan had responded by drowning Izuku in blankets and smothering him with pillows until he apologised and promised never to do it again.)

And, of course, his stamina. By fourteen, Izuku could sprint for forty six seconds before his forced rest of four seconds. Climbing gave him twenty three seconds, which was usually enough to reach some kind of ledge or windowsill to recharge his energy. The rain was still deadly, as was the bucket of water he and Kacchan had experimented with that other one time Izuku broke his arm. He could hang stationary on to the side of a building practically endlessly, but if he reached his twenty three second limit of actively climbing, he just dropped.

Incidentally, Tsubasa had got surprisingly good at catching him.

So, that’s Izuku’s quirk: he navigates weird, he sleeps weird, he runs and climbs weird, he carries things weird, and if he ever gets too hungry then he just goes weird. He’s only once pushed his hunger long enough to make himself sick, which was more to find out his limits than anything else. They’ve probably changed in the past few years, but when he was twelve he had two hours, twenty six minutes between being unable to run and being so hungry that he threw up in a trash can. Thirty four minutes after that and he’d been shivering and sweating and unable to stand, and eight minutes after that he’d been found by Kacchan and yelled at and force fed corn soup from the closest vending machine.

Ah, fond memories.

All of which led, approximately seven months ago, to Izuku deciding: “Yuuei. I’m going to apply to Yuuei.”

“Well, duh,” Kacchan said, making a face at him over his spicy chilli noodles. “We’re going to be heroes. Where else would we go?”

“Doesn’t Shiketsu train heroes as well?” Tsubasa asked. Kacchan rolled his eyes and kicked him in the shin.

“We’re going to be number one hereos,” he amended. “All Might went to Yuuei. If I’m going to be number one and Deku’s going to be number two then we need to go to Yuuei too. It’s logic.”

And when Kacchan put his unique stamp of approval on one of Izuku’s plans, that was it. The plan was happening. He, of the green hair and the twiggy, bus-benching arms, would go to Yuuei and be the number two hero.

Off the edge of his mental map of Tokyo, in a part of the city that he hadn’t yet unlocked the map for, a small marker started flashing in his mind.

Main quest: Yuuei Entrance Exam. Achieve a passing grade in both the written and practical portions of the famous hero class entrance exam and begin your journey to becoming a pro hero...

#bnha #boku no hero academia #izuku midoriya #katsuki bakugo #au: izuku has a quirk #length: 3.3k #my writing #i had breath of the wild in mind as the gaming rules while i was writing this but hopefully it also works a general gamer!au #i just wanted him not to be too op you know?#he gets gamer benefits #he gets gamer drawbacks #life's a box of chocolates and sometimes they include fruit creams #you just gotta make do

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idio-cies · 4 years

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Tine and Anxiety

How are people feeling? Knowing that tomorrow is the last episode of this beautiful series? Sad? Excited? Don’t want it to be over? Same

Welp, this may or may not hurt when reading and probably won’t be my last meta/analysis on this series. Anyways... This is a long post folks, so make sure you are sitting comfortably.

I am almost certain that Tine accentuates some kind of anxiety.

I don’t like diagnosing people, but this is just something that I deeply relate Tine with. As a person who has CFS/ME with depression and anxiety, who also has a best friend with severe anxiety, my mum and sister also having depression as well as having many other friends with mental health issues revolving around anxiety and/or depression and doing a lot research both on anxiety and depression. I know the ins and outs of these mental illnesses. I will not go into further detail because as I am trying by hardest to not sound like an obnoxious twat whilst writing this.

I came across this article so I could check that I was right about relationship anxiety which Tine does express. This is pretty self-explanatory so you can read at your own leisure if you wish, but as a brief summary relationship anxiety most likely comes out of previous bad relationships, low self-esteem an attachemnt style one has grown up with in childhood (honestly this is another thing entirely, I talk a little bit about this here), but also relies on knowing oneself, having good communication etc.It just screams out here.

I need to clear things up as well before I really start getting in deep. It is correct that every human being has self-doubt, it is intrinsic to the human psyche, there is no doubt about it, unless you are self-righteous or have learnt that you are loved and you can love yourself a healthy amount, then good for you! This video is a good summary of how disliking oneself is natural human response

Now, where anxiety related to Tine comes in is the fact that he ruminates, he worries excessively and his automatic response to things going wrong he places on himself, and just in general has such a deep lack of self-worth and self-love that all you wanna do is cuddle him all day. This takes it further than what a normal human beings response is.

Tine obsesses, and as a result makes him spiral and becomes unwell. Rumination is both a feature of Anxiety and depression. This is where things get tricky because Depression and Anxiety work hand in hand, with some traits crossing over (such as rumination), you can also have panic attacks with depression as well. The reason why I think it is anxiety is because of how things morphed with Tine, how he worried himself to be literally sick on more than one occasion

and it looks like he does the same this week. You can see the IV and how he is laying

and he doesn’t to eat

This is not “normal human behaviour”. Worrying so much it makes you ill is one thing (see article here), but actively avoiding food is another thing. It’s another response people have when they are under extreme stress, though people can also over eat.

My analysis of “Escape” supports rumination.

There is no category that I will place him. I will leave this article here for people to go through if they are interested (I’m sorry, I know this is a lot of links, I just want to prove what I’m saying).

so, when we meet Tine he seems like this ball of energy, he comes across as self-righteous with his Mr Chic facade

But that’s the thing: it’s a facade, it’s a coping mechanism, which shields him. I wouldn’t say that this is a classic example of anxiety as anyone can put up a front to hide all sorts of things. I know that I used to have facades or personalities I use in front of people.

Anyway, this Mr. Chic persona was all that, a persona, he took refuge in it. Which is why we see the comeback of it in ep 9 as he was experiencing some stage fright mixed with a heck of a lot of self-doubt and stress, which Green had identified was a coping mechanism!!!!

This front was used in order to block himself from being hurt, from rejection and from life in general, as well as of course criticism. His friends aren’t the brightest bunch, though evidently Fong (bless his heart) is very emotionally intelligent and let us know that they were aware of Tine and how he self-imposes on himself, has to prove his worth etc

This explains why he was so fatalistic in ep 11

Because he is still putting himself on trial and their relationship

It was legit after the tree got trodden on it all went wrong

Poor Nuisance Tree... RIP

Anyway, but as friends do, they tease each other, which is ultimately something that Tine is afraid of. He doesn’t like the teasing. Based on my perspective of teasing, I bite back with teasing, but it may be because it’s because I am sensitive about it. Tine by no means has my temper, so it doesn’t surprise me if he is effected and is scared to be teased because in all actuality, he is sensitive about those topics.

Next, he gets obsessed. People noticed about not moving on from Sarawat, there are a few explanations. 1. they needed it for Sarawat’s popularity to broadcast it 2. I bet you Tine got intrigued 3. potentially, he got obsessed with the idea. Tine was adamant to “get rid of Green” this in of itself was an obsession and no fucking wonder it backfired. Some, “normal, healthy” people I’m sure would’ve moved on, but oh no, not this dumbass quartet

Which is another thing. He is heavily influenced by his friends. Naturally, a person listen and adapt their thinking to their peers, but some don’t and are adamant in their thoughts. What gets me here is that Tine practically doesn’t allow himself to think for himself very much. I mean, it’s natural to go to friends for advice, but he was always very quick to go “yeah you’re right”. He is too easily swayed by what his friends tell him or their philosophies. Go look at episode 8 1/4 6:50 onwards. He concludes so quickly... Though I guess in this round, he felt it was right.

As soon as he sees one “fit” per se, that is it, which is apt as he is always been on the search for “the one”

(It will not surprise me if this series does full circle, and has Tine going to Sarawat once more as Sarawat did all of the chasing after this... kinda)

Tine can make up his mind very quickly once he sees fit. The only time he has really made sense and not listened to his friends fully was when he realised he loved Sarawat, and he went hell for leather on proving himself in episode 9.

Tine had to prove himself in order to be worthy of Sarawat to love him, he thought he had failed, but Sarawat showed him a different perspective. Sarawat is very good at comforting Tine and showing him a new perspective...

Sarawat is so good in this scene, because he tells Tine (in their little hypothetical language) that it is up to Tine is in control (which he felt he wasn’t), that Sarawat won’t pressure him, and that he is enough just as he is. That he doesn’t need to prove himself.

To a degree he helps every time, but as I have said before, if Tine is anything like me, those affirmations are useless after a couple hours max.

This post and also this one are really good at explaining Sarawat, and my perception of the last episode, so please also give those a read because I don’t want to repeat and make this even longer than it is! I do not blame Sarawat, and understand that it is human to make mistakes, which is also why I am making this post, because Tine is also wrong and is not helping their relationship or himself!!!

The time when he did believe in them was during episode 10 with Type in the house... it was extraordinary

Sorry I love Sarawat’s reaction to this

It’s like “Okay, you got it, why you gotta be so cute tho”

Then the next week it goes downhill again and he believes that he is the one causing everything to go wrong (ahem, look at the first article)

He puts all the blame on himself... But Sarawat was always there to tell him that it was okay, that he was there with him, never got angry, just gave him smiles and headpats galore while looking at him with all the love in the world

I had to add in the “lets go to bed” bit here

because I feel like it’s under appreciated. Sarawat was continuously telling Tine “we can look for it later, lets focus on this for now” and did a little nod. He was trying to help Tine not feel so bad, he recognised it and tried to give him comfort. He tried setting an agenda, so that Tine didn’t need to be overwhelmed with processing too many things if that makes any sense? He cares a lot and knew it was bothering him. It didn’t work as Tine was riddled with guilt, so he wasn’t satiated by it unfortunately, but this trip really did churn everything up :/

It’s just super hard to get Tine to feel alright in himself, but Sarawat is so lovely about it all. He loves Tine so much, so this week is going to hurt so bad when Tine tries to break things off as it is just going to be so difficult to make sure Tine is secure in himself and the relationship... I better stop

The fact that this is the state Tine puts himself in, again and again screams anxiety to me. The facade kept things up for a while, but I would not be surprised if this is how he went through life for quite some time. Plus the fact that Type also shows this need for a facade by trying to be a perfectionist is very interesting as well.

Of course, I can be wrong in all of this. Please don’t hold me to it, but as a person who profoundly resonates with Tine, and would consider myself to be well versed in anxiety, I think that Tine most likely does have a form of anxiety. He just takes “self-doubt” to the next level.

As always I am welcome to discussion! Credits to those blogs with the posts I linked to!

Thank you for reading, I hope you guys are all staying safe, and I look forward to tomorrows episode ^-^

I am so not ready to let it go 😭😭

#2gether #2gether the series #sarawatine #Tine #tine teepakorn #sarawat #milly talks

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tsc-living · 5 years

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(Disclaimer: I used Google translate for the Spanish nobody come for me)

Max frowned up at his older brother who was hanging from his knees over the back of the couch, his hair hanging down like a very short curtain. “Daddy is going to yell.” Max said, lying on his back under Rafael. He grinned, but the blood was rushing to his face and making it red.

“Daddy doesn’t yell, neither of them do.” Rafael said, but his voice sounded strange and Max’s frown deepened.

“They do if we get hurt!” Max complained, “Please sit up Rafe.” He added and the seven year old groaned, hauling himself up and sliding down onto the cushions on the other side. Max jumped and ran around because he was still too small to climb over the back. Rafael helped him up and Max lay next to him while Rafael sat tall.

“Do you think Dad will come home from work soon?” Rafael asked and Max shrugged elegantly like Magnus does when he doesn’t want to think too hard about a question. Rafael laughed and pushed his brother’s legs with his feet.

“He usually comes home from the institute before dinner.” Max replied, but there was still a few more hours until dinner so Alec would still be at work. He knew Rafael missed him because Max did too.

“Yeah I know, but what if he doesn’t?” Rafael asked and Max could see the worry in his face. He rolled to his stomach and moved to rest his chin on Rafael’s leg.

“Why wouldn’t he? Dad always comes home.” Max asked, and Rafael folded his hands into his lap, thought better of it and put one hand on Max’s curly blue hair.

“But what if he doesn’t?” He whispered and Max sat up, putting his small arms around his brother’s neck and hugging him tightly.

“Your lessons are making you think bad things.” He said against Rafael’s cheek and the older boy hugged him back, tightly. Max could feel him smile.

“Sí, lo sé.” Rafael mumbled yes, I know. “No quiero que papá se lastime.” I don’t want dad to hurt himself. Max sat back and narrowed his eyes at his older brother.

“He won’t Rafe! Dad is brave and strong.” Max said and then tried to think of the right word for their Shadowhunter father, “Un guerrero!” He cried, putting his navy blue fists up into the air. Rafael giggled, probably because Max’s pronunciation had been wrong, but it made Max smile to hear it.

“A warrior.” Rafael said and Max nodded.

“We know Dad is a warrior.” Max said and Rafael bounced his legs on the cushions, his light up sneakers flashing.

“You didn’t hear Daddy in my lesson.” Rafael said quietly, “Talking about Shadowhunter history like it was the end of the world. Bad things happen to the Consul all the time.” He said, letting go of Max although Max didn’t let go of him.

“That was before Dad became Consul, he won’t get hurt because he is smart. Smarter than all of the other ones.” Max explained, knowing in his heart that he was right and that Alec was going to be okay. “We should tell Daddy that you are not to do the history lessons yet.” He added and Rafael shook his head.

“¡No! Por favor, no digas nada!” He cried, speaking Spanish in his hurry. Max translated it in his head slowly before answering him. No! Please do not say anything!

“Okay, I won’t.” He said and let go of his brother finally, “But you should focus on your languages more than your history.” Max added and Rafael poked his tongue out at Max who retaliated.

“What has Daddy been teaching you?” Rafael asked after a moment, which was unfair because Max wasn’t allowed to do his magic without Magnus there yet.

“He taught me how to turn my sparks into shapes.” He answered, looking down at his blue fingers. When he looked up he saw that Rafael’s eyes were glittering cheekily.

“Can I see?” He asked and Max shook his head.

“No because then Daddy will definitely yell.” Max said seriously.

“Nuh uh, only if you blow something up or we get caught!” Rafael said, “But he’s in the dining room with Aunt Lily.” He added. Max looked at him for a long moment, but he was right and he could surely do this small magic without messing up, and Rafael had been so sad…

“Okay.” He agreed and held his hands up in front of him. He concentrated hard, feeling the tug in his stomach and along the veins in his wrist like the magic was being drawn out by fish hooks. Magnus had told him that the pain went away by the time he was ten, and the first couple of times he had cried in his Daddy’s arms and Magnus cried a little bit too to see his small warlock son in pain. His fingers started to spark blue and gold, small flickering flames dancing along his palms. He imagined little blue and gold birds flying in loops and arcs in the flames and slowly they appeared. Rafael gasped, clapping his hands over his mouth.

“Tan hermosa.” He whispered from behind his fingers. So beautiful. Max smiled and looked up at his brother, but his lapse in concentration was a mistake and one of the tiny birds, no bigger than a five cent piece, careened out of his hands and dive bombed the lounge, singing the cushion and then disappearing. Max closed his hands over the remaining birds and they dissolved, his magic flames disappearing and the pain in his veins disappearing too. Rafael was staring with alarm at the burnt cushion.

“Uh oh.” He whispered, his wide brown eyes meeting Max’s scared ones.

“Now Daddy yells…” He whispered back. Rafael picked up one of the throw pillows, put it over the cushion and shrugged.

“Not right now.” He whispered, “Let’s go.” He added and the two of them jumped off the lounge and raced into the dining room where Magnus and Aunt Lily were sitting near each other drinking tea. Well, Magnus was drinking tea, Lily had warm blood in a pretty tea cup.

“Hello my favourite children!” Lily said and they hugged her from both sides, meeting each other’s gaze and agreeing without words that they weren’t going to say a single word.

“They are the only children you know.” Magnus said with a laugh.

“Not true! There’s Jem’s toddler, the Penhallow son, and dear god now Isabelle is pregnant.” Lily said, covering her eyes. Max and Rafael grinned at the mention of their new cousin-to-be.

“We’re so excited!” Max said, jumping up and down. Lily smiled and lowered her hand, tapping his nose.

“I can imagine little darling, now stop jumping or Aunt Lily is going to spill blood on you and that isn’t fun.” She said and Max stepped away hastily, bumping into Magnus who scooped him up onto his lap. Rafael climbed up onto the seat next to Lily and reached past her for one of the cookies on the plate. The two boys stayed in there with Magnus-even after Lily left- talking and playing games, until Alec came home. They launched themselves from their places when the door unlocked and raced down the hallway.

“Daddy’s home!” Max screamed, tearing through the hall behind Rafael. Alec was grinning, crouching down in the entry way with his bag on the floor beside him and his arms outstretched.

“You came home!” Rafael yelled, throwing himself at Alec a moment before Max did. Alec encircled them in his arms and held them close, kissing one’s head and then the other.

“Of course I did! I always come home to my boys.” He said softly, picking them up as he stood and they giggled, legs swinging down.

“Put us down!” Rafael squeaked, but Max was too busy giggling to agree.

“Let’s find Daddy first.” He said, swinging them around a moment before pushing his bag out of the way with his foot and carrying his giggling sons down the hall. Magnus was standing in the doorway of the dining room and took Rafael from Alec.

“Good evening my Archer Boy,” He said and they kissed softly. Max squawked happily and pushed at Magnus’s shoulders as Rafael buried his face against Magnus’s shoulder.

“Mine! Not yours.” Max said and Magnus pulled away, only to poke Max gently in the stomach.

“He was mine first.” He said and Max giggled again, making Magnus and Alec laugh.

***

After dinner and after Max’s bath, he walked down the hallway from his room trying to find his parents for a story before bed. “Where did this come from?” He heard Magnus say firmly from the lounge room and Max froze.

“Rafael Santiago Lightwood-Bane.” Alec said, even more firmly and Max knew Rafael was in trouble. He dropped to his hands and knees and peered around the door. Magnus and Alec had their backs to him, but Magnus had a throw pillow in his hand. Rafael was looking down like a scolded school boy and he saw Max. He shook his head discretely and Max shrank even further down.

“Answer us, where did the scorch mark come from?” Alec said. Rafael had only ever burnt something once after finding Magnus’s matches the year previously, but they still seemed to think it was him who had burnt the lounge.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do it.” He said and Max’s eyes widened. It hadn’t been Rafael who did that, it had been him.

“You did it?” Magnus sounded surprised.

“I did, I found another of your matches and was playing with it. I threw it away when I burnt the couch.” He whispered and Alec sighed, sitting down on the couch. Magnus sat down too and took Rafael’s hand.

“No sweets until the weekend okay?” Magnus said and Rafael nodded, taking the punishment that wasn’t even meant to be his. Max crawled away and into his bed, wondering why Rafael had done it.

Max never asked Rafael, but if he had Rafael would have said: Because your little birds made me smile and I didn’t want you to think that they were a bad thing and never do it again. The birds became a symbol between Rafael and Max as they grew up. Rafael learnt how to fold paper birds and Max had his magic ones, they always used them to make the other smile or at least know that he was loved. Max used them for his entire life, long after his brother had passed away. He made little blue birds fly around whenever he was missing his first best friend, his first brother, his family.

Thank you for the request @wemablackstairs I hope you like it <3

#requested #max lightwood-bane #rafael lightwood-bane #lightwood-bane family #fic #one shot #tsc #tda #tid #tmi #the ending made me tear up lol

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inthedrift · 5 years

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More Chaleigh headcannons

Because I’ve been spreading a lot of sad recently so

Who hogs the blanket? - Chuckles, Raleigh doesn't feel the need for the blankets half the time, he grew up in Alaska for gods sake, a blanket in Sydney might just finish him off. Also Chuck gives off the heat of a dying star and is always adamant about wrapping himself around Raleigh's back and causing him to almost expire from heat exhaustion. So it's less Chuck hogging the blanket and more Raleigh fighting to have the thing as far away from him as possible

Who eats the others uneaten pizza crusts? - Rals, he spent 5 years on rations, he doesn't let anything go to waste. Even before that when Richard bailed and Dominique got sick they didn't have a lot of money so every bite of food counted. They get plenty of food now but it's still a hard habit to break if its on a plate in front of him he's not gonna leave it.

Who is more likely to cry over a sad book or movie? - Honestly I think Chuck, like he's this emotionally walled off kid effectively. And he probably didn't get to watch or read a lot of stuff and when he did it will have been engineering books or something. So Raleigh comes along and he had a childhood before the kaiju attacked he was 15 before the world even started ending, he didn't even enlist till he was 17 so like he spent his childhood with films and books. So he picks these films that Chuck missed that he has to see and some of them are sad, like super sad and Chuck has spent so long bottling in any emotion that wasn't anger or smugness and Raleigh makes him feel safe so these films the sort of shock the tears out of him. And at first he's embarrassed but Raleigh is always there always comforting and honestly sometimes it's more beneficial than their mandatory therapy sessions as he feels so much safer crying about a film with Raleigh and just being normal.

Who talks smack while playing video games? - Both of them. Are you kidding me? Raleigh is a middle child like, he probably grew up with a wii, bet you he tried to beat Yancy to death with a wii remote once for blue shelling him (they hurt, my brother broke my finger with one). So like Raleigh was raised on smack talk and video games, but Chuck who no doubt missed out on a lot especially like COD or stuff, is a competitive and contrary little shit. No way is he taking anything lying down, bet you he starts teabagging Rals the first time he kills him even though he has no clue what it is or that it has a name. Also bet you they've fallen out/actually had a physical fight over Mario Party just saying.

Who sings along with the radio? - Raleigh probably, like again he was old enough when the war started. So most songs that come on the radio he will know and he'll take great delight in pissing Chuck off by singing at the top of his voice and out of tune (he can sing in tune, fairly well tbh, but were is the fun in that). Chuck surprises him though, like ok he doesn't know any of the modern stuff but he knows like everything 80's and some vague 90s stuff and Raleigh is kinda shooketh, and the kid is adorable when he knows a song on the radio and he just can't help himself singing along, (Raleigh won't say it outloud but he's not a great singer, but he loves Chuck's voice so he couldn't give a shit) also and Chuck would kill Raleigh if anyone else ever found out but Chuck knows musicals. Like he doesn't know movies but Angela loved musicals and Chuck has a playlist - he listens to it in the shower.

Who would accidentally set the kitchen on fire while cooking? - Chuck. Raleigh had a sick mother, who lets be real he would have had to cook for as Yancy must have been working to bring some money in other than any benefits or sick pay or whatever. So Raleigh is like a super competent cook, maybe he hasn't done it in a while but it's ingrained into him. Chuck on the other hand he hasn't lived anywhere but military bases and shatterdomes since he was 12. Food just kinda appears, like he tips up to the mess hall and there it is. So the first few times it will go as expected the food isn't great, but it's edible like Chuck is too much of a perfectionist to fuck up that badly. But then he'll get a little confident a little bit cocky and will try and do two things at once and before you know it he's put a towel on a burner ring and all the sprinklers go off.

Who would throw the other into a pool? - Raleigh? Again he's a younger sibling, I feel things like that come from either having a sibling or high school shenanigans and seeing as Chuck has experienced neither he just wouldn't consider it. But Raleigh decides it would be fucking hilarious to grab Chuck off the stretcher he's been reading on by the pool bridal style and it takes Chuck a second to react first by dropping his book followed by an "Oi, Ray, fuck do you think you're doing" and before you know it the kid has been dropped in the deep end. Queue all out war, Raleigh still has a tan line in the shape of a dick on his back.

Who shops for groceries? - Raleigh, Chuck comes along and just throws garbage in the cart like he'll 100% see how many snacks he can sneak in there before they get to the check out. If Raleigh sent him alone they would have exactly nothing with any nutritional value.

Who kills the spiders? - Max, Raleigh is scared of them like not to the point where he'd die if stuck in a room with one, but he isn't getting close enough to the fucker to kill it. And Chuck well Chuck is deathly afraid, like would happily just burn the house to the ground and leave kind of afraid. He trained Max to eat spiders, because if there's even one in the room with him he can't sleep, can't focus on anything but where the thing is. Like he's slept in the mess hall a few times to avoid a spider.

Who is the morning/night person? - Raleigh is a golden retriever personified, he's all baby Anna from Frozen "The sky's away so I'm awake", so like it will be 6am and he'll be raring to go and he's not exactly quiet or tactful when he wakes up, and Chuck will be jostled awake and every morning without fail Chuck will have to debate whether he punches Raleigh hard enough in the throat that he passes out. Chuck has learned however that Raleigh will sleep in later if he's well and truly fucked the night before so that's usually his tactic, alternatively if Chuck can wake up long enough to give Raleigh a good blow job he tends to go straight back to sleep, so yeah Chuck is certainly not a morning person and has learnt to use sex or violence as a way to get more sleep.

Who proposes? - Honestly I think it would probably be Chuck, like Raleigh probably wouldn't even consider it. He loves Chuck like with his whole being, but Raleigh's experience of marriage is a father who had a whole other family and bailed on his mom so he's not exactly the sort of person who would consider it the ultimate declaration of love. But Chuck his happy memories were from when his mum and dad were together and it was the three of them and Herc still loves Angela so of course Chuck would see it as a way to show Rals he loves him and Raleigh would be so shocked and awed that Chuck would want to saddle himself with his has been ass and of course Raleigh says yes.

Who forgot to put the cat dog outside before sex? - I mean Raleigh probably as Chuck has experienced that awful feeling of eyes on him during sex only to turn and see Max staring woefully at him from across the room probably way more times than he wants to admit but Raleigh. Raleigh has probably never had a pet and has never had to worry about being watched by anything other than another human which they tend to remove themselves from the situation fairly quickly when they've grasped what's about to happen. So yeah Raleigh would forget and they'd be happily cracking on as it were and Max instead of just watching in that creepy unblinking way that pets tend to have he'd come up and actually lick any part of either body he could reach standing on his hind legs and Raleigh would actually fucking squeak and Chuck would be laughing to hard to focus on much of anything else for a good while. So they don't forget anymore.

Who posts vines of the other doing embarrassing shit? Chuck? Like I can see Raleigh doing more embarrassing shit, like tripping over constantly or just being a fucking dork and Chuck just films it. But Raleigh is 100% the more likely one that if Chuck did trip over or he caught him singing Les Mis or something to post it somewhere. He’s also the one that’s gonna get a bo staff to the head for the trouble but he’d probably only regret it when he’s lying in bed with the lights off because he has a minor concussion and the light makes his head want to explode but at least Chuck is stroking his hair and hasn’t turned them back on so that probably counts as a win.

Who breaks the most phones? Raleigh probably. I see him as being the clumsy one but if Chuck is mad he’s so gonna launch phones at things like walls or people. But I think Chuck accepts that failing and would have a proper case on his phone, Raleigh on the other hand is always adamant that he won’t drop this one cue two weeks later having to admit to Chuck that the screen is in a million pieces and the battery might be leaking as he dropped it off one of the engineering decks.

Who thinks they can do something really well even though they can't? Neither? Like Raleigh isn’t that sort of cocky, he would never think he’s good at something that he isn’t - he knows what he excels at and is perfectly accepting of what he can’t do. And Chuck honestly I think he’s pretty good at a lot of things and he’s far too proud to do something that he’s bad at and wouldn’t be willing to make a fool of himself in front of others. So I think they both know what they can and can’t do

Who is more likely to get kicked out of the bed? Rals 100%. Like he’s an eternal sunshine child, he goes from 0-60 in the blink of an eye and Chuck is not into the whole being awake before a reasonable hour unless a goddamn kaiju is here and about to fuck shit up. So I don’t doubt that if Raleigh is being either too noisy or too handsy before Chuck is either willing to wake up or willing to have morning sex before having a nap then I can bet Raleigh has either been pushed/kicked out of bed forcefully onto the floor, punched somewhere usually the throat or his balls or Chuck has actively tried to smother him either with a pillow or just his own body. That and I’d put money on Raleigh taking great delight in coming back early from being outside maybe just taking max for a wee and putting his cold hands/feet against Chuck’s skin, and Chuck has just removed him not just from the bed but the entire room and left him out in the corridor until he’s ready to get up.

#chaleigh #headcannon #headcanon #raleigh becket #chuck hansen #long post

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ti-bae-rius · 5 years

Text

Pre-QoAaD release fic (Kitty) Part 2 of 2

(TW: The Cohort being assholes, mention of grief/death.) Obviously, LoS spoilers. This was kind of meant to be a fun little fic before QoAaD releases. Yes, I did leave this very late.

You can read part 1 here!

As soon as the portal guard checked their portal pass and marked it void with a stamp, handing it back to Ty, the two set off through the halls of the Gard. The moment they turned a corner, out o view and earshot, Ty stopped. “Okay, the meeting is in the basement. I scoped the room and I found a place we can listen in from. Come on.” The two of them hurried down some stone spiral stairs and when they reached a corridor at the bottom, Kit looked along the walls that were lined to the floor with tapestries showing important events in shadowhunter history. Halfway down the hall, Ty reached out and drew aside a tapestry emblazoned with a depiction of Jonathan Shadowhunter and his sister Abigail. He saw Ty’s eyes linger wistfully on the art before he beckoned Kit. Ty pulled a hairpin from his bag and shoved it into the lock of a door behind the arras. “Don’t you have a rune for this?” Kit hissed as Ty jiggled the hairpin in the door. “My track record with open runes isn’t great,” Ty shot back. Kit nudged him out of the way impatiently and took the pin from Ty’s hand. In the fifteen years living with his father, Kit had learnt to pick a lock. The mechanism gave and the door popped open, the boys dashing in and shutting themselves into the dark room as Zara’s familiar voice came on the other side, along with dozens of footsteps. “That was close,” Kit breathed. A ray of light tore through the dark room. Ty had a small torch in his mouth, held between his teeth. He motioned to a ladder attached to the wall and indicated for Kit to climb. When Kit was a few rungs up, Ty started climbing himself. Pulling himself onto the platform at the top, Ty removed the torch from his mouth and put a finger to his lips. Kit took the hint. “Where are we?” he whispered, shuffling nervously closer to Ty. “We’re in one of the box balconies. And down there,” Ty said, twitching aside the flag that hung over the balcony’s exposed side, keeping the boys hidden. Kit peeked through the makeshift curtain and saw the huge room below, a large circle of chairs dominating the space. A huge set of double doors creaked open and Ty readjusted the flag carefully. “Down there is the Cohort meeting,” Ty finished in a whisper, switching the torch off and casting the two of them into darkness, the space lit only by the half-light of the room below which was slowly filling with Cohort members. As Kit’s eyes adjusted, he could make out the vague shape of Ty beside him on the small balcony. Ty held his arm out and pointed to the rune he’d just drawn on his forearm by the minimal light of the main room below. He looked visibly uncomfortable and Kit understood why when Ty mouthed something: heightened hearing. Kit put his arm out and let Ty mark him with his second rune. It was strange, Kit thought, that all the runes he had were applied by Ty. No wonder Ty was uncomfortable; he was already way more sensitive to noise than Kit without runes. The burn of the stele as it touched his skin made Kit hiss in a breath and dig his nails into the meat of his palms. When the pain eased a little, the two of them focused their attention to the conversations of the meeting beginning below.

“My father being in charge is the best thing that’s happened to the shadow world for centuries,” Zara declared and a group mutter of assent rumbled through the echo chamber of a meeting. “Since Father has bigger issues to handle, I’ll be leading the meeting. Did you see he took the banner of that Downworld-lover, Alec Lightwood and put a photo of me up instead?” “It’s for the best. It’s not good for the shadowhunter children to see someone like that celebrated as a hero,” Samantha Larkspear said. Her twin, Dane, barked a laugh. “We could make a whole list of problems with that...I don’t even want to call him a shadowhunter.” “Well, he isn’t one. He’s with that Downworld whore, Bane, and one of his kids is a half-demon too,” Samantha said. “Gotta feel bad for the other kid though, the shadowhunter. He needs a real, shadowhunter family, with a mom and a dad. He needs saving from them.” Ty was boiling with rage. Magnus and Alec, and their sons, had come to look after them in London when Emma and Julian were in Cornwall, and they were the kind of family Ty had always kind of wanted. They were loving and affectionate and, regardless of the Cohort’s disagreement on Magnus and Alec’s child-rearing ability, Rafael and Max had two, doting and devoted parents, which is more than Ty had had in years. And the idea Alec didn’t deserve to be deemed a modern day Nephilim hero was so absurd Ty could hardly believe these people thought what they did. “We don’t have time to dwell on that mess of a family,” Zara said, though her voice seemed to communicate the fact she’d like to. “They’ve run off back to New York anyway. What I’m more concerned about is the fact that the Blackthorns have their tainted slut sister back.” She spat the words and they felt jarring and sharp, like venom flying from her lips. Ty wondered how many minds had already changed from that toxin, how many people had been poisoned. “I can’t believe Jia Penhallow is Consul. How can she possibly be in government and let her daughter marry that?” Jessica Beausejours spat, the French lilt identifying her to Ty even though he couldn’t see her. He could feel himself shaking with rage, felt Kit’s eyes on him. Helen - his beautiful, caring, empathetic, understanding sister - was not a ‘that’. He forced his breath to even out, even as Jessica went on. “The funeral was...something.” “Yeah, something great,” Dane added. These four or so voices seemed to be dominating the space, though Ty knew there were at least another dozen people there. “I’ll give the Blackthorns this: they put on a show.” “I still can’t believe that Ty kid climbed onto the pyre,” Samantha grinned. “I can’t believe he didn’t stay there,” a new voice replied. Ty’s head jerked up in recognition. “If the freak burnt, it’s not like we’d be losing a shadowhunter.” Paige Ashdown, only 15, was part of the Cohort. And she knew too much. Ty knew there was a reason Julian had kept them separate from the rest of the shadow world, knew he was different. He wasn’t stupid; he knew his siblings weren’t the same as him. But Paige knew him. Paige could tell everyone what she knew, could ruin everything. Kit looked across at Ty, who’d frozen. He was no longer shaking, just blanched and wide-eyed. Without a word, Kit shuffled closer to Ty and put a hand over Ty’s where it rested, braced on the ground, clammy and shaking. “Ty...” he began in a whisper. “Shh, I’m trying to listen,” Ty replied under his breath. He was moonlight pale but his jaw was set determinedly. If he was hurt - and Kit knew he was - he didn’t say anything, just focussed harder on the task at hand as the Cohort’s laughter died down and Zara spoke up. “We need to push for the Registry to pass. With my father being Inquisitor, we have the voice and clout in the Council we always should have. Families like the Blackthorns and now the Lightwoods prove that registering downworlders is necessary for maintaining pure, shadowhunter bloodlines. Honourable lines are being corrupted by tainted blood. As true, full-blood Nephilim, we can’t stand for it. It’s just simple facts; shadowhunters are superior warriors, so the purer the Nephilim blood, the better the warrior. It’s why I’m going to be the next Jace Herondale. I have pure blood. Father and I-” “Take a shot every time she says ‘father’,” Kit muttered and heard Ty huff a quiet laugh beside him that filled Kit with a strange sense of pride. When the two of them tuned back in, Zara was still talking. Shocker, Kit thought, rolling his eyes. “Why should we dumb ourselves down to fight alongside-” “Say, ‘mudbloods’,” Kit said, under his breath. “Please say ‘mudbloods’.” “-shadowhunters who don’t have the same Angel-given talent because somewhere in their line, one of their family screwed around with downworlders and brought shame on the whole shadow world? It’s ridiculous!” The others muttered their agreement and Zara turned to Dane Larkspear. “Dane, what have you found out about the so-called honourable shadowhunter families?” “Well, we know the Lightwoods are corrupt now, but did you know that not only was Isabelle’s fiancé a vampire before he was a shadowhunter, but their ancestor, Benedict Lightwood, died of demon pox.” “No wonder the Lightwoods are so messed up,” Zara said. “It’s in their genes to be downworlders’ bitches.” “The Herondale line too-” Dane continued before Jessica interrupted. “That’s not news, Dane. We all know that Tessa Gray bitch ruined their line. How Jace is still so amazing, I don’t know.” “I would totally kill that Clary for a chance with Jace Herondale,” Samantha giggled. Ty wondered how serious that death threat was. It was sinister paired with the playful laugh of teenage girls with crushes. “You wouldn’t struggle. She’s like 5-foot-nothing and basically a Mundie,” Zara commented. “She really doesn’t deserve Jace.” “Anyway,” Dane said, clearly impatient with the girls’ gossipy chatter about Jace. “I’m not talking about that. That Kit kid is hanging around with the Blackthorns, he’s the lost Herondale from that traitor Tobias’s line.” He seemed satisfied with the wave of noise that went through the room at this. The mention of his name had made Kit’s palm sweaty where it rested on Ty’s hand. “Not only that, he’s descended from the First Heir, Auraline.” He paused for effect before he said the words that made Kit’s hand spasm. “A faerie.” However, this revelation was nothing compared to what Dane followed up with, voice alive with glee. “The Lost Herondale line have a nasty little habit of ending up dead in suspicious circumstances. It turns out, a little group called the Riders of Mannan tend to be behind it and they’ve already tracked Kit down and almost got him but Bane interfered. But, what that means is that the Unseelie King’s bloodhounds, the most deadly assassins in the shadow world, have their sights on one untrained fifteen year old with blood weakened by Faerie interference.” Dane almost growled the last words. “Kit Herondale doesn’t stand a chance.”

“Shit!” Ty looked across, about to shush Kit, but he stopped. Kit was rigid with fear, shaking like a leaf. From down below, a voice rung out. “Did you hear something?” “Kit, we need to go,” Ty said firmly, and flung his backpack onto his shoulders, turning the flashlight on and holding it between his teeth as he began to climb down the ladder. Kit didn’t move. “Kit,” Ty said awkwardly around the torch. Kit looked down and his fight or flight kicked in. He scrabbled to follow Ty and the two took off as a voice in the meeting hall confirmed knowledge of their eavesdropping. “I think we have a spy.” The two of them burst through the huge double doors of the Gard and out onto the crest of the hill, overlooking Idris in all its spacious greenery. Ty was mentally calculating. Kit was already breathing hard and Ty wasn’t sure the boy’s shaking limbs would hold out long enough for them to make it home before the Cohort reached them - they had horses after all. Diana’s weapons store was closer, but it wasn’t worth risking her not being in. Plus, seeking refuge there would mean having to explain what they’d been doing. Absolutely not. He could hear footsteps nearby. They were running out of time. If Livvy was here, she’d know what to do. Livvy. “Come on,” Ty said, and grabbed Kit’s hand, pulling him around the side of the Gard and into the private graveyard around the back. Most shadowhunters went to the Bone City when they died. That’s where Livvy was, Ty knew, part of the monument of shadowhunters who’d died serving the Angel. But some families buried their loved ones in the cemetery behind the Gard. Kit walked dazedly over to a grave marked ‘Celine Herondale’. He faltered, a hand atop the tombstone. It felt cold and almost wet to the touch, like it had held centuries of rainwater and family’s tears in the stone. “I know she wasn’t from my line, but it feels weird seeing my last name on a gravestone,” he admitted. His voice sounded shaky and uncertain, like he wasn’t sure of the words before they were hanging in the tense air. The low temperature seemed to freeze what he said in place between them. “So, what now? That’s just it? Fifteen years of pleasant ignorance and now I have a target on my back.” He gave a laugh that sounded harsh and insincere. “This shadowhunter stuff sucks, y’know?” “You’re safe in Alicante,” Ty pointed out, lingering back a little. “The Unseelie can’t walk on Idris ground.” “So I just hide here forever?” Kit questioned, exasperated. “I just...hang out here with the Cohort until I die of old age or stress, whichever comes sooner?” “I’d hazard a guess at stress,” Ty commented. “God, I feel like I could cry,” Kit said, rubbing a hand across his face with a noise somewhere between a laugh and a sob. “Then you should cry. I won’t let them hurt you.” Ty sat down on the bench behind them. “I let them kill Livvy. I won’t let them kill you.” “You didn’t let them kill her,” Kit said, sitting down beside Ty. The stone bench held the same cold, almost damp feeling. “It wasn’t something you could’ve stopped from happening. One moment everything was okay and then...” “Then it wasn’t,” Ty finished. “Then it wasn’t,” Kit agreed. Ty looked out at the graves and sighed, resting his chin on his hand. “Is it bad I kind of wish Livvy had a grave?” “I don’t think that’s bad. Why do you wish that?” “I wish I could come and sit with her,” Ty said. “I could come and tell her about what I’m doing, about missions, about you and the others.” Kit glanced across and felt horror grip his chest when he saw Ty’s eyes were glassy. There was nothing he could say that would make this better. “I miss her,” he said softly, voice splintering like wood. It was the first time Kit had seen him close to tears since Livvy had died. It felt so much worse than the recklessness, but Kit knew it was definitely healthier than bottling everything up. Uncertainly, Kit edged closer until their elbows touched. “I know,” Kit said. He was casting furtive glances across at Ty and rubbed his sweaty hands on his jeans before he put an arm around Ty’s shoulder. He felt Ty tense briefly, felt his own toes curl, then Ty relaxed and Kit felt the anxious knot in his stomach loosen a little. “I know you do,” Ty said simply, looking out over the crest of the hill, above the headstones and turned dirt and yellowing grass. “That’s why I told you. I knew you wouldn’t think it sounded weird. Your dad died too.” “He was all I had.” “But now you have us.” Kit smiled down at his feet despite himself, “Yeah.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I don’t care what the Cohort thinks of you, there’s a life out there for you, Ty. Maybe it’s a different one than it would have been if Livvy was here, but there is a life for you. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but your life can go on. She’d want your life to go on, Ty.” “Will you come too?” Ty asked. “Wherever ‘out there’ is?” Kit nodded and squeezed Ty’s shoulder. “Of course I will.” He knew those four words were a promise bigger than he could fully comprehend, a solemn vow. He knew that and meant it anyway. Perhaps his life wasn’t as secure as it had been a year ago, a fortnight ago, an hour ago. But it was still a life, and without it he wouldn’t have felt Ty’s head loll against his shoulder, wouldn’t have heard Ty’s breathing slow as his cheek brushed the material of Kit’s jacket. It was still a life worth living, for as long as he could get away with living it.

And that’s it! I hope everyone enjoys QoAaD. Once it’s released, I won’t be using tumblr too much but I’ll try and queue lots of posts (if I can remember how to queue after all this time!). I’ll still be online for a few more days, but I hope you enjoyed this fic. TDA means the world to me, and I’m so grateful to have journeyed through it with all of you. Here’s to TEC, TWP, and TLH. x

#kitty #KITTY FIC #ty and kit #kit and ty #kit herondale #Ty Blackthorn #tiberius blackthorn #tsc #tda #the dark artifices #QOOAD #queen of air and darkness #Fic #fanfic #cassandra clare

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little-fandom · 6 years

Text

Late night conversations

"Magnus feels guilty. He knows he shouldn’t, but he still does. This isn’t his fault. Accidents happen, and as a doctor it’s his job to help and save people’s lives…"

An emergency at work forces Magnus to cancel on Alec, the day he was supposed to meet his family. He's sure his boyfriend will be mad. That's always been like this in the past. But Magnus is more than happily surprised, that it's not the reaction he gets from Alec.

Or, Magnus learnt from his past relationships that showing his emotions is a sign of weakness. Thankfully, Alec is there to prove him wrong.

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Magnus feels guilty.

He knows he shouldn’t, but he still does.

This isn’t his fault. Accidents happen, and as a doctor it’s his job to help and save people’s lives.

But accidents like this don’t happen every day, and the fate wanted that a truck drove into a bus with forty eight children, nearly pushing it off the highway today. The day when he was supposed to meet Alec’s family…

They’ve been together for almost two months now. It’s still new and fresh, but Magnus feels that there’s just something special about Alexander. The way Magnus’ stomach flips every time he sees him, or like when they kiss, the word seems to stop spinning around them, or when Alec smiles, a smile that could cure more diseases than Magnus ever did.

Magnus will always be thankful for the powers that be, that sent Alec to the ER those two months ago. Or actually, he should be thankful for Jace, Alec’s younger brother, who decided to teach him how to skate. Fortunately, it ended just with a broken wrist for Alec, but for him and Magnus, it was just a start.

Alec has been nothing but sweet. He admitted, that this is one of his first serious relationships, that he’s never been quite open with people. That’s one of the reasons why he became a writer. Closing himself of in his peaceful four walls with his work. But with Magnus, he just seems to feel free. They talk about everything. Serious or not, they always find a topic they can engulf themselves in, and they ended up staying up all night more than once, because of these late night conversations. But Magnus doesn’t mind, if he had more free time, we would definitely spend it talking with Alexander.

So, it’s been going great.

And today, Magnus needed to cancel on him.

By text.

He didn’t even have the time to call. When the ambulances arrived scene of the accident, it just became hectic. Almost twenty serve injured kids, and twenty more less harmed. Magnus basically hasn’t left the operating room till now, and it’s almost one in the morning.

Alec will be mad, and he has a right to. It took him a lot of effort to set up this meeting, since his parents are very busy lawyers. They barely find time for their children with their schedules. Alec’s younger sister, Isabelle is quite occupied herself, with finishing her studies to become a forensic pathologist. Jace, and Alec’s other younger brother, Max don’t have such wild agendas, but still it was hard to get them all in one place.

Especially to meet Magnus. And he couldn’t show up.

He knows his job is important, and he did save a lot of lives today. But he’s also already been through this, with Camille.

It’s been going good between them too, until Camille decided that being a photo model wasn’t enough. She dreamt big. Fashion weeks in Paris, Milan, Venice… And she made it. It was her element, she just fitted into the fashion word. And who was Magnus to stop her from chasing her dreams.

She started to become less present in New York, and every time she came back, it was just getting worse. She turned cold towards Magnus. The only thing that mattered was her career. Magnus needed to be at her every call, when she was back in the city. She didn’t understand that he also has a job, an important one, which makes him stay late, when such accidents happen. No matter how many lives he saved, or if he was five minutes or five hours late to meet her, she was always mad. She didn’t understand. She didn’t want to.

But he kept coming back.

Until it turned out Camille has been cheating on him with a French model on her trips to Paris.

He could take a lot. Her moods, her coldness. But he couldn’t take infidelity. And he never would, no matter how lovely Camille was at the beginning.

And he knows it’s different with Alec. He’s not Camille. Even comparing these two is an absurdity. Alec has actual interest in his work, could listen to him talking for hours, when with Camille, the only thing she could talk about was herself.

But still, Magnus knows Alec will be mad.

And he was really looking forward to meeting his family. He did meet Jace, briefly at the ER, when he brought Alec in. The way Alexander talks about his siblings is just… he’s so proud and full of love for them. Magnus feels like he already knows them a bit, after all these stories he heard from Alec. Still, to meet them personally, will be a truly different experience.

And if it comes to Alec’s parents… He doesn’t actually speak about them a lot. Just recently he managed to make up some relations with his mother. His father on the other hand… They didn’t really take Alec’s coming out so well, along with his choosing of profession. His parents thought that he will take on the family business and become a lawyer like them, but he decided to take his own path by writing. Although Maryse seems to get back on the right tracks in supporting their son, Robert is a totally different story.

That’s why Alec is so thankful for his siblings and their support, and he just couldn’t wait for Magnus to meet them.

Which sadly, won’t happen today, as planned.

He finally gets to leave the ER, quickly gathering his stuff and heading outside. He needs to call Alec, tell him how sorry he actually is. That he really didn’t want this to happen, but-

As he feels the night air engulfing his body in a pleasant coolness, at the other corner of a parking he spots Alec. He’s leaning against the side of his car, dressed all in black, with his leather jacket on. When he notices Magnus he smiles softly, and gives him a little wave. The doctor quickly makes his way to him.

“Alexander-“ He tries when he reaches him, but Alec interrupts, by pulling him into a kiss.

Magnus immediately relaxes as their lips touch, feeling the tension slightly leaving his body.

“Long day, huh?” Alec asks, as they part from each other, leaving only a few inches of space between them, when he puts his hands on Magnus’ waist.

Magnus just looks back at him and can’t help the soft smile creeping onto his face, when his boyfriend eyes him with concern and affection.

“Yeah, you don’t even know.” He replies, which earns him a chuckle from Alec, and them he settles his hands on his boyfriend’s shoulder.

Alec continues to smile at him, and Magnus might have gotten a little lost in beautiful hazel eyes, that he forgot what he was actually about to say.

“Alexander…” He starts again, shaking his head lightly to get back his composure. “I’m so sorry.”

“Magnus-“ Alec tries to interrupt, but regardless, Magnus continues.

“I just…” He sighs. “I’m so sorry, I really wanted to be there today. It’s not like I-“

“Magnus, I know.” Alec ducks down his head in attempt to make eye contact, which Magnus intentionally avoids, because he knows as soon as he looks him back in the eyes, he’ll get lost again. “It’s fine.”

And then, when Alec’s soft voice rings in his ears, he can’t resist to look back at him.

He doesn’t look mad. At all. He looks concerned, but also content, like he always does when they’re around each other.

“I get it.” Alec says and nods reassuringly.

“But, I am sorry.” Magnus caries on. “You put in so much effort to organise this meeting and I-“

“It’s not your fault.” Alec’s voice is still calm, like he’s trying to convince Magnus about this.

“I know, but-“

“So why are you so sorry?” Alec asks and eyes him curiously, and Magnus loses his ability to speak again, as his boyfriends eyes sweep over him. “Accidents happen. It’s your job. It’s very important.”

Magnus knows all of these things. He’s always been telling himself that, but to hear it from Alec’s mouth, to get the reassurance he was craving to get from his lovers in the past… it feels relieving.

He must have looked at Alec, totally stunned, for quite some time. Alec’s eyes are still not leaving his, like he’s waiting for some kind of a reply, that Magnus is yet to provide.

“I know.” He finally chokes out again, his voice way to quieter than he expected. Muffled by the lump, forming in his throat.

“So, what is it?” Alec asks, clearly noticing his expression.

To be honest, Magnus expected for Alec to be the one who’s more reserved in their relationship. It wouldn’t be a bad thing, since it’s one of the most serious relationships he was ever involved in. But with everyday together Alec surprises him, by how open he is in talking about his feelings. How unafraid he is to show his vulnerability around him.

And Magnus has been always struggling with that. No matter how many relationships he’s been into, he’s still afraid of saying the wrong thing. That the other person might consider him weak and pathetic. He learnt with Camille, that showing your vulnerability is a weakness. The one time he decided not to hide his feeling from her, after one of his first patients died, he ended up being laughed at by her. She said he cares too much, that these people should be nothing to him, just a reason why he’s making money. But Magnus can’t think like that, when there are tragedies happening around him, he can’t just stay unconcerned. Either it’s within his friends or patients. He still forms some kind of connection with them.

After that, he acknowledged not to ever talk to Camille about this again, being too scared to receive the same reaction.

But he isn’t all tough. Things tend to break him, and after Camille, he’s still learning that it’s okay to feel hurt or broken. What’s important is, to get yourself back together.

And every time he manages to do it.

Even though, he hasn’t been in that kind of situation, hasn’t felt broken, since he’s been with Alec, he knows that time will come. And he’s pretty sure Alexander’s reaction will be completely different from Camille’s.

So he takes a deep breath, and begins to explain.

“I just... I cancelled on you.” He states, avoiding Alec’s gaze. “By text, I…” A hollow laugh escapes his mouth. “I didn’t even call you, I-“

“Magnus, I understand-“ Alec tries, but Magnus cuts him off.

“And you’ve never cancelled on me. And I… I didn’t want to do that too, since you’re being so great and… and I know it was hard for you to put this whole thing together, and I guess I just feel guilty, because it took so much of your time, when you obviously have better things to do. And my job just gets like this at times, but you have every right to be mad-“

“Magnus,” Alec states firmly and sighs. “you literally save lives. How could I be mad at you, when you had a valid reason to cancel?”

Magnus looks back at him, seeing the hint of disbelief in his eyes, like Alec can’t just recon that Magnus even considered it as his reaction.

“I would be mad, if you…” Alec picks back up and thinks a little before adding. “I don’t know, if you just chickened out, realised that it might be too soon, and just decided not show up, but Magnus…” He resorts, his hands wandering to cup his face. “I’m not mad. And by all means, you should not feel guilty. Okay?”

Magnus needs to blink a few dozen times to make sure this is real, because no one ever has shown such an understanding to him. And maybe it is a normal thing, maybe Magnus just got caught with the wrong people before, but now, he feels like he’s finally found the right one.

As they stay like this, Magnus still too amazed to reply, mouth hanging slightly open, Alec lets out a chuckle before he says.

“Come here.”

He gathers Magnus close in his arms, and hugs him tightly, dropping a kiss at the top of his head.

“Every job is important at some point.” Alec speaks into his hair. “But yours… you save lives, Magnus.” He repeats. “And believe me, saving a bunch of kids is more than good enough of a reason to cancel on your boyfriend.” He adds with a laugh in his voice.

Magnus pulls back lightly to look at him.

“So you’re… not mad?” He asks uncertainly.

“Magnus,” Alec’s gaze settles on him again. Eyes so honest and full of pure love. “of course I’m not.”

He smiles softly again and creases Magnus’ cheeks lightly.

“It’s just… you’ve never cancelled any of our dates or-“ The doctor starts, and Alec lets out a light laugh.

“Oh, so you wanted me to be the first to cancel?” He asks teasingly and Magnus can’t help but chuckle.

“No.” He states softly. “I’d prefer if we didn’t cancel on each other at all.”

Alec nods and pecks him on the lips lightly.

“You know it’s a bit different with me, right?” He questions after a while and Magnus waits for him to elaborate. “I mean, with my job. I practically work from home, not including the few meetings with my publisher during the month. My schedule is just more flexible.”

“Well, mine tends to be a little…elongate. Considering my shift was supposed to end like six hours ago.”

Alec laughs again, and his hands travel down Magnus’ arms to intertwine their fingers together.

“Come on,” Alec says and tugs at his hand, leading him around the car and opening a door on the passenger’s side. “You’re exhausted. I’m taking you home.”

“Alexander, you don’t need to. My car is literally there-“ Magnus tries to protest, pointing at his car at the other side of the parking lot.

Alec just shakes his head and guides him to sit in the car.

“Like I said, you’re exhausted. It was probably a very stressful and emotional day, you shouldn’t be driving now. We can come back for your car tomorrow. Now, I’m getting you home.”

“But-“

“No ‘buts’.” Alec states firmly and closes the door, circling the car to a few second later get settled in a driver seat.

Magnus just sighs and lets his head rest against the window, as he catches Alec’s triumphant smile in corner of his eye.

They drive in a comfortable silence for a while. Magnus is content that Alec’s not mad. He scows himself in his mind, for even considering it as Alec’s reaction. But still, he’s bothered with one thing, and since he’s way past hiding from Alec after tonight, he decides to lay it all out.

“Were your parents very mad?” He asks as Alec stops his car at a red light.

“Actually, I thought it would be worse.” He admits and quickly glances at Magnus with a reassuring smile. “In fact, I think they’re pretty impressed, that I’m dating a surgeon.” He adds with a teasing grin. “And you don’t need to worry about Izzy, Jace, and Max. They totally get it.” He puts his hand on Magnus’ thigh in a soothing gesture for a second, before the light turns green and he needs to place his palm back on the stick shift.

“So, how did the dinner turn out?” Magnus questions a bit later.

“It wasn’t that bad.” Alec answers, eyes focused back on the road, but his tone is honest. “I mean, dad didn’t spare me some cutting comments, both about my job and about me being gay.” He sighs heavily. “But mom actually came to my defence this time.”

“That’s great.” Magnus exclaims and sweeps his palm on Alec’s thigh to which he hums in appreciation.

“It is.” He agrees. “We actually had some fun. Dad left earlier, so… yeah it was nice.” He throws another smile at Magnus. “They still can’t wait to meet you.”

Magnus mirrors Alec’s smile, leaning in from his seat to kiss him lightly on the cheek.

“But this time, we make sure I set up a meeting on your day off.” Alec adds with a laugh.

“I guess that would be for the best.” Magnus decides.

His hand still lays on Alec’s thigh, but he doesn’t seem to mind, and neither does Magnus.

“So,” Alec prompts after a while. “Did you manage to take control over the situation at the hospital?” He asks a bit insecurely .

Magnus sometimes notices this about him. That he’s kind of scared to bring up his job, like he might convey some bad memories. And sure, Magnus has those. No matter how long he’s been working as a surgeon, losing his patients will never become easy.

But they still continue to learn stuff about each other. Over the course of the two months, Magnus found out a lot about Alec. That he doesn’t like to be interrupted while he works, even though he’s a New York Times’ bestselling author, he still is very anxious about his writing and that he never shows anyone parts of his work until it’s properly finished.

They keep figuring out stuff about each other every day. And it’s amazing. Such a journey, with the one you’re growing to love, so much.

“Yes, it’s all settled.” Magnus answers as he shakes off of his thoughts a little. “A few kids were still in the surgery while I was leaving, but nothing serious, everything is under control. But I admit, it was a horrible accident.”

“Yeah, I know.” Alec agrees. “I saw on the news.”

Magnus nods and lets out a long exhale.

“We don’t need to talk about it.” Alec’s eyes are focused back on the road when he speaks, his lips forming into a straight line. Magnus can hear the hint of nervousness in his voice. “I mean, your job. If you just want to leave it all behind when you’re out of the hospital, it’s fine. I don’t really know if I should ask you-“

“Alexander,” Magnus starts and rubs Alec’s thigh lightly. “You can ask about anything. The worst that can happened, it that I won’t answer. But I doubt that this would happen. Besides, I love talking to you. I don’t mind involving my job in our conversations.”

“I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or something-“

“You didn’t, really.” Magnus states, a bit more firmly. “We can talk about everything, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” Alec seems to relax a little. His hands loosening their hold on the stirring wheel.

The silence fall between them again, both of them sitting with content smiles written on their faces.

“Will you stay at mine’s tonight?” Magnus asks then.

“If you want me to, then yeah, sure.” Alec answers simply.

“Of course I want you to.” Magnus resorts. “Besides, it’s late. I don’t want you to get over to the other side of town all by yourself.”

He’s very aware that Alec is more than capable of taking care of himself, especially with the boxing classes he’s been attending with Jace, but still, Magnus can’t help but worry.

Alec rolls his eyes, but an amused smile is creeping onto his lips.

“Then I’ll stay. You’ve had enough to worry about today.”

Magnus reaches out and kisses him on the cheek again, before speaking.

“Can we stop at the shop?” He asks. “I don’t have any food, and to be honest I’m starving.”

Alec pulls one hand away from the stirring wheel and points swiftly to the back of the car.

“I got food from the Ethiopian place you like so much on my way to the hospital.” Alec states. “I knew you would be hungry after such day.”

Magnus looks back at him, totally amazed again, at how he managed to get himself such an incredible man. Someone who will take care of him, even when he forgets to take care of himself.

He plans on returning this favour to Alec. As much as he can, for a long time.

“You truly are an angel.” Magnus says, with an pleased grin, never looking away from Alec.

#malec fanfic #shadowhunters #malec #au #alternate universe #fluff #light angst #Magnus Bane #Alec Lightwood #sh #my writing

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