#unfortunately my life is a series of failures and there's nothing i can say about life that isn't extremely depressing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

moonlightspencie · 1 year

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luna’s masterlist

(i write for criminal minds, supernatural, harry potter, and that’s about it for the time being, but MORE IMPORTANTLY i do take requests)

drabble masterlist here!

Aaron Hotchner

one shots:

Things I Can’t Say: “Aaron Hotchner has a lot of things on his mind. Most of which he can never bring himself to say. Until one slip unravels everything” (4.3k words: FLUFF).

Sleepover: “Hotch wants the reader, but doesn’t know how to tell her. Maybe a night in will be of some assistance” (4.9k words: FLUFF).

Solace: “Finding comfort in one another. Repeatedly.” (4.4k words: FLUFF)

self-assured: “There are many things Aaron Hotchner is sure about in his life. One thing evades this sureness: you” (2.4k words: FLUFF)

tolerate it: based on the song of the same title by taylor swift (2.0k words: ANGST)

Everything Goes Wrong: “A few bouts of bad luck aren’t all that bad” (2.4k words: FLUFF)

Meet-Cute: it’s all in the title (1k words: FLUFF)

series:

the sweetest con: “Aaron Hotchner is dealing with the aftermath of his divorce, and the new feelings that spring up for someone he shouldn’t feel anything for. It’s a mess to say the least, but it’s a mess he’s more than willing to involve himself in.”

Spencer Reid

one shots:

Next to You: “Trying to ignore the feelings you have for your best friend can cause complications. Especially when you find out what they’d risk for you” (3.8k words: FLUFF).

The Fulton Project: “The knowledge of an FBI operation gone wrong has the world as the BAU knows it turning on it’s head. How does something like this end after months of civil unrest?” (4k words: ANGST).

champagne problems/the beginning and end: based on ‘champagne problems’ by taylor swift, PLUS the prequel (2.9k words: ANGST AND FLUFF)

Devils Roll the Dice… / …Angels Roll Their Eyes “A new recruit to the BAU catches Reid’s eye. Unfortunately for the both of them, she has a past with someone very close to him. Are they willing to keep secrets just to keep one another?” (TWO-PART MINISERIES)(8.2k words for both parts: FLUFF)

lost in it: “The aftermath of falling down a rabbit hole!” (1.9k words: ANGST AND FLUFF)

Dean Winchester

one shots:

Wrong Time: “Dean doesn’t know how to act right. Sam doesn’t get the animosity. Reader is just trying to live life. Otherwise known as Mutual Pining: the Fanfic” (6.6k words: FLUFF).

This Ain’t for the Best: “Mutual pining. Classic hunting scenarios. Sharing a bed. Wearing the other’s clothes. Confessions. Friends to lovers. Tswizzle title. Need I say more?” (5.9k words: FLUFF)

bloodmoonlit: “Six years of friendship with more simmering beneath the surface. They thought they had no chance (but that’s romance)” (5.4k words: FLUFF).

‘cause look at your face!: [based off a request linked on the fic](1.6k words: FLUFF)

and i’m not how you hoped: “Forgive my northern attitude, oh I was raised out in the cold” (4.4k words: ANGST AND FLUFF)

series:

a life where we work out: “Struggling with the aftermath of a fall-out feels hopeless, especially when things seemed to just have run their course. Though, he was never one to let things go that easily.”

Ted Lasso

one shots:

Help Me Hold on to You: “Ted and the reader struggle with balancing mental health and everyday life. (Based on The Archer by Taylor Swift)” (8.9k words: ANGST AND FLUFF)

Speak Now: “You’re not usually the type of girl to barge in on a white-veil occasion… but the officiant did say ‘speak now’” (2.5k words: FLUFF).

Remus Lupin

one shots:

you should see the things we do, baby: Remus and Reader decide to take advantage of teasing Sirius, and it leads to a lot more than a dirty dream (5.2k words: SMUT. 18+)

series:

treacherous: This slope is treacherous, but you both realize that nothing safe is worth the drive. In which, Remus Lupin, ever the believer in his own flaws and failures, falls for someone he never expected to. (12.8k running word count: FLUFF AND ANGST)

Sirius Black

one shots:

you should see the things we do, baby: Remus and Reader decide to take advantage of teasing Sirius, and it leads to a lot more than a dirty dream (5.2k words: SMUT. 18+)

James Potter

one shots:

only like you can: ex boyfriend!james and reader just can’t seem to stay away from each other. (7.9k words: ANGST AND FLUFF)

tenderly, tragically: best friends aka idiots to lovers. they’ll never learn until they do (9.4k words: FLUFF AND SMUT)

darling, i fancy you: yet another idiots to lovers. this time a college/muggle!au. they’re falling slowly but she hates him openly (8.2k words: FLUFF)

Draco Malfoy

one shots:

isn’t it?: “Years after the battle at Hogwarts, reader runs into an unlikely old friend. A simple invitation to tea leads to much more.” (10k words: FLUFF)

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popopretty · 1 year

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Hi, how is your day? I want to ask you about Dazai's character and its developments in the series, and what do you think of him? Do you think he's smarter than fyodor? Thank you for the answer in advance... And in the end, I would like to thank you for your hard work and your wonderful style of writing. it is relly special ..

Hi, thanks for the message. I am glad u like what I do (I don’t really “write”, just “translate”, though).

I’m quite bad at expressing my opinions. I normally do not give much thought to things until I am asked about it. So u may find it my answer all over the place because I haven’t had it arranged in my head, it’s more like pulling out old notes from a rusty drawer. So I’m sorry about it in advanced. And this is all my personal opinion, so you don’t have to agree with me.

Dazai is a complicated and interesting character for me. He is smart, too smart that it brings him misery. People say ignorance is bliss, right? Then Dazai must be the most unfortunate guy on earth. Even Asagiri once described him as someone who has lived for 2000 years. I, with the brain of a normal person, can’t bring myself to imagine how boring life would be for him, knowing things too well. Some might say that he was being overdramatic when he was young, and that he’d regret having all those thoughts when he gets older. But I personally don’t think so. I think the pain and agony he felt was real, then or now. Just that in the past, he hadn’t met people who would surprise him, or go beyond his calculations, he lived on thinking humans were ugly, sinful and stupid and didn’t understand why they should be saved. His head must have been overwhelmed with thoughts that no one would ever be able to understand, and no one would even try to understand. That is why he was always lonely, and suicidal. I don’t think he really wanted to die, he just couldn’t find what to live for.

The thing I like about Dazai’s character is that he fundamentally didn’t change, even with all the so-called character developments. He was still the smart, and sad and lonely guy that he used to be. But he have met people who made him want to try living, peope who gave him a purpose and people who genuinely cared about him. And those are things that even his genius brain couldn’t have predicted. From a fifteen year old who believed nothing was worth living for, he has become able to tell Kyouka that everyone deserves a second chance in life, to Fyodor that it is okay even if we are all sinfully stupid, and admit that no matter how well him and Fyodor can foresee things, the fate of the world is not decided by them, but the imperfect human beings that are fighting for what they deem precious out there. I doubt Dazai will ever get rid of his suicidal thoughts, or loneliness, but at least he has things he wants to protect, and it gives him the motivation to live on. We haven’t seen him talking about dying for no reasons for so long. Now he only lets himself get hurt, or take risky action for the greater sake (BEAST is not counted cuz that is a totally different universe), and I think it is a good sign in his character development.

I forgot to write about his relationship with Akutagawa and Atsushi. Basically, I don’t think Dazai was a good mentor. Someone who hardly experienced failure is not likely to become a good mentor. He treated Akutagawa badly in the past because all he could see was that the weak could not survive in the harsh world and there was no saving for them. But the meeting with Oda has changed his way of thinking. He now sees orphans and the weak as those he has to protect, that’s why the way he treated Atsushi is very different from that of Akutagawa. He is still not the best mentor, but he is better now.

About Fyodor, I don’t think he is smarter than Fyodor. They must be on the same level of wits. Dazai actually can act more human when he is around people like him, so having Fyodor as an opponent can actually be very entertaining to him. Even if Dazai is going to win the final battle, I don’t think it is because Dazai is smarter. He is just backed up by more people in the “somewhat beautiful” side.

#bsd #ask

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tiredassmage · 7 months

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🖊️ for whoever you’re having the most brainworms about right now :) (-justiceforc3po from main)

Send me a “🖊+an OC“ and I will talk about that OC!

Thank you so much! Going to take this open invitation to be a little unwell about the au for Rhyst that is making the brain worms really dance and jiggle lately.

First, a brief touch on Rhyst as he is in 'canon' - my main Jedi Knight, a Shadow, someone who does not enjoy that the Republic and the Order forge him more and more into a warrior and who quickly finds some strain in seeing so first-hand several of the Republic's failures. The mantle of 'hero' hangs heavy and he never asked for it, never sought such high stakes or praise. He struggles in the end to hold fast to his own advice (to use a few lines from my ever beast under the floorboards Ziost fic that I could not top if I tried to summarize him): "...It won’t be easy. But nothing about this ever was.” He offered her a hand. “We would not be Jedi if we did not continue to try. Will you come with us?”

Rhyst tickles my brain because he struggles far more than I think he ever lets on, or even his story lets on. And part of it is his support network; the very people he relies on, that hold him up, also, unfortunately, play an unintentional hand in some of his burdens. Generally, I list these people in his main story as Kira and Savosta. To be clear, they mean perfectly well. In short, though, a lot of the people Rhyst is close to are also people that share in some level of the idolization of him as the Hero of Tython. They've seen his strengths and it's inspired them, so when they speak of that inspiration, Rhyst tends to listen and offer gentle smiles. He has a very difficult time naming that as part of what worries him and wears on him because he knows of their intentions and he values that it helped them, even if he doesn't necessarily believe as they do that all of his deeds are worthy of such praise as tends to be given to him. He is no model of the Jedi, he thinks, but so many have placed similar accolades upon his shoulders.

[This is already getting really long and there's more specific Knight spoilers I'd like to get into, so throwing in a cut here. Spoilers for mainly the transition between Chapters 2 & 3 of the Knight origin and what follows, essentially.]

Rhyst does keep fighting for the Republic and the Jedi for a very long time; he becomes... a bit resigned to this role as a warrior that isn't exactly what he wanted out of his duties, nor does he feel he is their strongest. But it's what they need him to be, where they say he can help, so he dutifully accepts their pleas for aid and their askance of him to fight among the troops. More and more does he find himself suffocated in the armor of a trooper and less and less in the robes so common among the Order - particularly their scholars, diplomats, and learners.

Which is. already a lot. I do not talk about him enough, but he's such an interesting character to me, actually. There's a lot about him that's hidden that I didn't quite notice on first pass either. I do have to thank @hyrohkaah for a lot of that, hehe, essentially my #1 fanclub member, I say, of Rhyst and Savosta, so I got to actually dig through how they tick when talking about them.

So. The AU. Shorthand SithAU, but more an exploration of like... the conceptual premise that what if the Warrior storyline as what happens to the Knight during Vitiate's control of them in Chapter Two [which, brief side note, I cannot remember for the life of me where I first encountered this idea, if it was another post or if it was trigged by just... a series of posts and discussions etc, or if it just... stumbled out of the woods of my brain one day and now I'm finally doing something with it], and then I got running with myself and it grew sort of into its own beast.

If the original events as they play out more canon to the Knight story is what it looks like when Rhyst can reconnect with and rely, somewhat, on his main support network in his crew, his former Masters Maltaf Orathuse and Satia Lerann, then the ~Sith AU is sort of... what happens when that initial reconnect, even, isn't there. Because not that Rhyst is ever given a whole lot of time to really figure himself out in the wake of everything, considering the war on and the urgency of thwarting Vitiate's plans, but... what if less of that.

Because Rhyst does have a lot of uncertainties about his place in the Order, the direction the Republic is taking given all the weapons projects he watched fail, etc... and that's always a very large part of what Vitiate uses against him there.

So, what if, eventually, Vitiate's control stuck long enough, and the Sith re-training to focus on emotions as a source of power, to moreso feed into them and stew with them rather than sit with them to understand and find new takeaways for learning stuck... And with Scourge absent, what more fun a ploy against the Jedi than to turn one of their poster Knights into his own right hand, perhaps even a new Wrath?

After a bit of a kolto soak and some... repairing of the damage from that ill-fated Strike Team visit to the Fortress, of course.

And that, in short, is the premise which we work off of! As a Sith then, Rhyst settles first as something of a hunting dog, an efficient warrior Vitiate can assign to strike against his enemies, to taunt the Republic in an idle gesture to support the Empire's war - except his latest project is and isn't ever particularly recognized as part of the Empire's forces, given Vitiate's secrecy [and, as we learn later, his interest in other projects]. Ultimately, Rhyst becomes the keeper of Vitiate's secrets - a guardian of artifacts and ritual knowledge as well as an assassin for the Emperor in seclusion.

Kira takes over the hunt for the rest of the Jedi Strike Team and a way to stop Vitiate's plans with Lord Scourge in the meantime, but, eventually, the one to strike at Vitiate is still Rhyst - with Caolan!!! Who is. a whole other ramble, blorbo from friend's brain, etc etc belonging to enabler @hyrohkaah again and simply I'm in love w/Caolan but. but. that's liable to get me off topic. But, in an attempt to keep it short, Caolan has similar 'Vitiate's project a little off the leash and slightly to the left' syndrome and they become 'do not separate' about it.

The interlude years then are spent with Caolan on the hunt for lingering specters of Vitiate's influence in the galaxy. Rhyst is... unclaimed by either major power in the aftermath. While his style is not entirely Sith, it definitely more heavily and openly relies upon dark side tendencies somewhat informed by his previous Jedi training. He'd self-identify as a Dark Side user, but not particularly affiliated with the Sith. He's still too much of an ex-Jedi to be claimed by the Empire and, of course, the suspicion that he struck at their former Emperor does little to win him potential favor (not that he seeks it) on that side of the metaphorical galactic fence.

And then his reasons for avoiding return to the Jedi Order are somewhat two-fold; Rhyst is still driven deeply by a sense of duty. Vitiate became so certain of his control over him - and, eventually, Rhyst's genuine give to servitude to this master - that he's one of the few in the galaxy to know some of the former Emperor's trickier secrets. He knows just enough to be dangerous - even if only as a nuisance in the grand scheme of matters (to speak to the retreat to Wild Space and Zakuul), enough to make Vitiate seek his other avenues as Valkorian. That sense of duty drives him to act on this knowledge. Returning to the Jedi would delay this, he thinks. They would offer something like redemption and Rhyst has... again, essentially, resigned himself to his fate, his new purpose, this new flavor of his life. He is not exactly happy with what he has become, but it is... serviceable. And eventually accepting that with Caolan, helping each other through their own struggles with Vitiate's mark upon their lives, is... its own kind of freedom. It's their truth. It's honest to who they are and who they aim to be. It... accepts what was outside of their control and is permission to continue to be - that survival has no inherent moral value. And Rhyst will not tolerate either of them to be chained to dispassionate leaders again - not Vitiate as a manipulator and crafter of tools, and not the Jedi Council and Republic Senate as even well-meaning commanders of change and bickering definitions of "justice." He cannot abide by handing them over to shackles - literal or figurative - when they have a duty to stop Vitiate in his entirety to complete.

So, in a way... he comes to a lot more of an honest conclusion of self in this whole ordeal. In fighting alongside Caolan for their own directives, without that constant need to perform to a mold or an image that weighs upon them in the Jedi, Rhyst has a far easier time determining what's important to him and carving out those boundaries of what he is and isn't fighting for, what's important to him.

Which, of course, I can't leave well enough alone, so... naturally, when Lana Beniko and Theron Shan team up to investigate the Revanites and turn to investigating Imperial and Republic ghost stories alike about potentially a fallen Jedi or rogue Sith agents when they're short on allies among their own people... the narrative just has to catch back up to them and wrest away some of that little sliver of control over their own lives, and Rhyst may just have to reckon with both sides' expectations of him again after all. :3

#answered #swtor ocs #ch: rhyst #the costs of duty | sith!rhyst

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artinclined-jointheartside · 1 year

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Can I have Terra Headcanons pwease 🥺🥺🥺

SO! With no direction to go, I'm just gonna toss out all sorts of sheeat! Disclaimer, though should be obvious – most of this pertains to my story After the End. However, a lot of it I've just accepted as personal fancanon because I can't see it any other way. As such, I'm stuck with it! And now so are you~ I hope you enjoy!

Terra Snapdragon~

The long-standing, and believe it or not quite loved and adored, Head Witch of the Plant Coven.

A lot of people have a bone to pick with her. Some hate her for something she may have done or said, some may dislike her because she has her own way of doing things, but no one can deny she does get shit done and has an energy about her that never fails to catch attention.

That energy has been present since the very beginning. Spunky even from her childhood, she was always excited to do things and happy to learn. Mostly about Plant Magic, but believe it or not, that isn't where she had her start.

In an ironic parallel to another plant witch we know, she actually had her start in Abomination magic. She wasn't bad at it, exemplary in some cases, but her real passion was plants. Alas, that wasn't The Plan and she had to sequester that passion, only practicing it when the rare opportunity to sneak away from her studies (and home) presented itself. Life was hard, harder than her bright smile let on, but she found her ways to have fun and make it bearable.

A series of unfortunate events befell her however, and while her passion never died, her life became … harder. More and more she had to hide her true desires and bury what she really wanted, as The Plan became more and more restrictive. We all know what it feels like to be caged by life occasionally, and well, she certainly felt it.

Fake smiles and poised poses hid sleepless nights and anxiety ridden days as things got worse and worse for her, and not just in regard to her endless studies, oppressive obligations, and harsh "punishments" for her failures. Finally, after a particularly grievous setback to The Plan for her life, and a punishment taken too far even by comparison to prior instances– she snapped.

Even to this day, if one were to look into the records, they would make it quite clear that no one really knows who or what wrecked the home on the outskirts of town, leaving the youngest member of the family alive, but in bad sorts. Visiting the devastated estate when released from the healing ward, she seemed to those observing to be in shocked disbelief. And she was, to an extent. But it was rather disturbing to say the least when the young woman of twenty suddenly sliced her hair off with an old dagger pulled from the debris and started laughing like a lunatic. She collected one other item and proceeded to walk away, telling them to do what they wanted with the ruined home, it was nothing to her now, and disappeared into the forest.

When she reappeared days later, it was far from where she'd grown up and the people who'd failed her, and with very little evidence of her old life.

Not even her old name.

And right up to a Plant Coven tent she waltzed.

Now, they didn't know this strange young woman who seemed oh-so-eager to join. Which was odd, because usually they see an aspiring plant witch at intervals through their life, even if said intervals are irregular. But this twenty-year-old who looked like she'd just come from a fight with a tree was something else. Luckily, the older adult in the tent was a laid-back guy and decided to see what she was about – despite the others' fears of her being dangerous. See, the Plant Coven was surreptitiously on good terms with witches of all trades and kinds – wild witches, included. However, only eight years prior there'd been an incident with a wild witch that was especially heinous, and they were more feared and hated than ever as a result. The Plant Coven, while accepting of many creeds, were still wary of danger. And with most young witches having some sort of interaction with the people of the craft they wanted to follow, it was odd that no one had ever seen this woman at least once over the last two decades. So, was she wild? And looking a wreck and sporting a wicked smile, was she safe to be around?

These fears aside, his seniority won out and Terra got to camp with the Plant Coven. Soon enough, that wicked smile turned excited again and her eagerness to learn and help won over those more questioning of her motives. Besides, Hildevard, the Head Witch at that time, seemed to like the spunky stranger, and if Hildevard liked her, she had to be alright. Though, more than one person was curious as to why, when finally receiving the Plant Coven sigil, the woman seemed relieved of all things.

Nevertheless, the strange and curious Terra Snapdragon was now an official member of the Plant Coven.

And she took to Coven Life quite well. "Back in the day" as they say, the Plant Coven didn't have any permanent locations or structures. Instead, their "official" locations were mere tent encampments dotted about the Isles. And their motto, which is still the Plant Coven motto to this day, was "Do what you will." Which basically means "Live and let live." So long as no one gets hurt and everyone involved is of age and accepting, well, do what you will!

And an awful lot of that included dancing~

Terra knew dancing. But she knew the waltzes and ballroom dances and poised and proper with structure and control. Not wild and unrestrained with passion in every step and fire at your feet.

And, you may have heard, in the Plant Coven, everyone dances. You'd think the Bards would have them beat, but living free among the forests and the valleys, with warm fires lighting the night and all sorts of tasty things filling the veins with all sorts of rushes, you gotta do something with that energy~ She took to dancing just as ardently as plant magic itself, and was soon outdancing even the most enthusiastic of partners. And she still does, even to this day. Don't challenge her unless you're ready because even at 75 years young, she'll have you under the table in no time!

And of course, as time ticked by, she grew in may different ways, not the least of which being her dedication to the coven and propensity for the craft. As such, no one really thought it odd in any way when, after a few weeks away from the encampment that she never quite went into detail about, she came back with a plant. A flower, specifically. A well sized one. Very pretty color. On her head, though?

At twenty-seven, she'd accomplished a lot for herself and a great deal for the coven, but this flower, for some odd reason she never really would say, seemed to fill her with a great deal of satisfaction and pride. And while she would eventually admit that the plant ending up her head was, in fact, an accident of sorts, she rather liked it where it was so she had no plans to remove it.

It did have an unforeseen side-effect, of course. Over time, her hair gained a more leaf-like quality, whole sections of it standing separate and almost stiff. What she came to understand, and hardly minded, was that the flower was, in a manner of speaking, nesting. Attached to her scalp by fine, vein-like filaments, it was stimulating her hair growth and altering the consistency, allowing for a buildup of soft material to bed itself against. Over time, whole sections of hair came to be attached more to the plant than to her. However, it was hardly a concern to her and still isn't. After all, she'd gained two new appendages in return for the honor of nesting atop her head, and they've come in quite handy many times, so it was a fair enough exchange in the end.

That said, if the happy accident that landed the flower on her head had never happened, she'd hardly have the patience for such a huge quantity of hair. Short of shaving it all off, the less the better would have been her preference.

That said, the flower did end up on her head after all, but what if she were to take it off? Because she actually can. Even after all these decades, she could remove it at any time. If she just so happened to get tired of it being there one day, what would happen to that iconic hair of hers?

Well, she'd lose most of it. Whole sheets would fall away, detaching from her and the flower. However, the bulk of her real hair is still attached to her and healthy as can be! Albeit, sapped of color due to the flower's influence, and losing more as a result of removal. And while she'd had naturally straight hair before acquiring the flower, the impact of it's presence is never-ending it seems, as she'd be left with rolling waves and curls in it's absence. Now, how long the long hair lasts for someone who's never had to upkeep curls is a question worth betting on.

Appearances aside, Terra has always been passionate, both about her craft and the people in it. See, found family really does have meaning on the Isles, and the Plant Coven became her family. They accepted her, crazy and all; they trusted her intuition, despite questioning change; appreciated her dedication, as single-minded and intense as it could be at times; and supported her whole-heartedly when Hildevard announced she'd be the new Head Witch – and sooner, rather than later.

Reality was, there wasn't anyone who fit the role better.

Since the time she'd arrived at the young age of twenty, to the time of the announcement when she was only twenty-nine, she'd gone from offering helpful suggestions that were just what was needed, to straight up making whole-coven impacting decisions that only bettered life for everyone in it. From building the first large-scale greenhouse, to organizing the way everyone grew their plants amongst each other, to standardizing how any product produced was inventoried and sold, to keeping actual track of coven funds and using them to further build up the coven's structures, she eventually grew the Plant Coven's encampments from simple tent villages on unclaimed land to actual physical locations on properly coven-claimed land – allowing for all the legal rights and protections such a validated claim afforded.

How she'd had the starting funds for such endeavors and where she got any knowledge of the legal system, no one asked.

Especially not with the beloved old Hildevard, mysterious and sagely as she was, supporting the young woman at every turn.

So, she was inducted as Head Witch, done so just after turning thirty, the youngest age allowed per the legal stipulations for Coven Heads. And still so far the only witch in history to actually be inducted at that age. While some might consider becoming Head Witch to be the height of accomplishment, to Terra, it was just another happenstance, one that simply allowed her to better work on improving her coven.

As far as she was concerned, she still had a lot of work to do, and it wasn't going to do itself, now was it?

What she built, she preserved. What she grew, she maintained. And what she gained, she protected.

But more on that in another post~ Stay tuned for part two!

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dooptown · 4 months

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my disorganized thoughts about the main reason i don't like 343 halo stories

i feel like one of the biggest failures of 343 Halo's stories is lack of character, literally. Pretty much every major player from the original trilogy is dead by the end of it (thanks marty) so they were left in quite a pickle. It had to be hard creating a new cast of characters, especially with 4's tone shift. It worked for some people, but this post is specifically about one character from the original trilogy that's been pretty much shafted by 343 and i cannot understand for the life of me why they don't utilize him

and of course i'm talking about Thel "The Arbiter" Vadam

sure he was controversial in 2004 but he's easily a fan favorite now. he's like the only major relationship chief has with someone who isn't cortana (or johnson but y'know...) They're former enemies who are forced to work together, with chief literally being the reason for Thel's entire character arc

i also think it's really interesting how cordially Chief talks to him when they're grabbed by gravemind (who i think was done the dirtiest in halo 3 irt to writing but this post isn't about that)

guy pretty much just says "hey, chill bro" when he sees him struggling. Like, Chief is THE guy who kills these guys. He's the one human that's probably killed the most of them. And he's just so quick to just casually quip like that. He sees him as a person. I just think it's such an insight into his character, and seems like the start of a fun dynamic relationship

Unfortunately that's the only time he ever says more than one word to Arby. Of course Chief's silence in 3 is due to Cortana not being with him, as she's the only one who can bring out his more talkative, sarcastic and quippy side. Him not saying a word to Arby is just an unfortunate side effect

343 could have changed this with their games. They could have brought Thel in and had him as a major player in the stories. I understand shelving him for 4 since that story was for chief and cortana, but having him appear in 5 and having their only interaction be teased in a cliffhanger and only talked about in a fucking BOOK is one of the most insulting things a game franchise could do. His further absence in infinite is also bizarre to me. Like i get that the stories they're telling don't really need to involve him but also they're not great stories anyway. They keep bringing cortana back (even though she should have stayed dead in 4) while ignoring the only other major relationship Chief has that he could develop to properly replace her friendship. Halo 4 and Infinite's story about grief and moving on rings a bit hollow when you're replacing the one important relationship you had with a near carbon copy of it

i could understand 343 writers being intimidated about using the arbiter (although i think most people's favorite part of 5 was his inclusion so idk i think it'd be a safe bet to keep bringing him back) since the vacuum in Chief/Arby interactions has mostly been filled in by fanwork and fan discussion. Maybe they're afraid of backlash if they don't depict it in a way fans would accept? I really don't know but i think anything would be appreciated instead of literally nothing

this all ties into a previous post i made about how 343 is afraid to tell stories that aren't human centric. I have no more expectations for modern halo, but it would be nice to see the deuteragonist of the original trilogy return to the series

also he's hot

thanks for your time

#halo #i've had these thoughts for a while so mind the braindump

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vintagedaydreams · 7 months

Note

Long winded paragraph anon here again.

GOD. I want to slurp Marcus up like some pan cooked egg yolk. …Pardon my strange phrases of affection. Oh to be swept off my feet by some old downtrodden vampire that for the first time in centuries has a little bit of life to his eyes.

Y/N “WHATS WITH VAMPIRES ASKING ME ABOUT THINGS I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT?!” L/N

As I am ever the drama enthusiast, I’d like to see some jealous Carlisle and protective smug Marcus. I want Marcus to treat the reader with absolute love & attention and I want to see Carlisle suffer through the everbreaking bond on what he ruined. I want Marcus to flaunt the reader’s happiness, knowing Carlisle will forever regret what he’s missed out on. But I am as ever a Carlisle girlie (/gnc), so that may just be my urge for Carlisle angst.

I hope Marcus & the reader cuddle and kiss and get everything good in life. I genuinely love the wives & the Volturi. I think it would be interesting for the Cullens/Hales to have broken Y/N so far, only for Y/N to stand back up and end up having… accidentally grown the favour of The Vampire Royalty™️. Of course, Caius has yet to be introduced, and he may not ever be. But I think he’s on Y/N’s side, though perhaps more violently inclined than the rest. …As usual, carry on, Caius.

Seeing Marcus GET ON HIS KNEES? Goodness. Goodness Gracious. An old king, on his knees to worship his newly found love… Delicious. He definitely knew we, the reader, had no idea what he was asking when it came to him being our protector. I think he relishes in knowing so much more. In a way, I think he wants to guide the reader, to spoil them. …I’m sure there’s specific tangents that his mind may wander to relating to knowing more but I digress. ;)

Hilarious to think about everyone getting on a plane together awkwardly. Living for the bordering-pain silence that will happen. Or the near constant fighting. I wish luck & money to the pilot. 🫡

Still, completely awed, inspired, and in love with your writing. Your descriptions are not overly detailed, but still descriptive to not leave anything unwanted. Which… I’m unable to explain how much I envy & admire that skill. Whether or not you continue, is absolutely up to you. Of course everyone wants it continued but you’re not a failure if it isn’t. Things change as time goes on. Sometimes things end. That’s life, :)!

I think everyone is far more chaotic when it comes to writing, but something that may help is simply listing big plot points you want to put down. If you’re stuck between an awkward plane scene or a fierce one, maybe have either route hold a different side of the scene. Carlisle’s route, maybe he’s too busy drowning in himself to say anything, and no one wants to inflict Y/N’s wrath again, lest they lose the reader forever. With Marcus’ route, Carlisle is, as much as he can, holding back… until Marcus/the reader is ‘overly affectionate.’ So he gets snarky, passive aggressive, low growls. Etc, etc.

ANYWAYS, sorry to strain your eyes. I hope this wasn’t bothersome. I’d love to read your other stories when I have time. If you ever plan on posting these to Ao3, I’d love to know the username but you’re not at all forced to share. Have a lovely evening, morning, and/or noon! ❤️

Anon,

THANK YOU for the incredibly kind words!!!! I have to admit, I have not been interacting with my blog/my stories on here for so long- this was such a treat to come back to!!!

I’ve never been officially diagnosed with anything, but I do have the attention span of a walnut. So it is hard to say if this series will ever be continued- the walnut is on to other things at this moment, unfortunately.

But I am so humbled by your appreciation for my writing! And I wish I could be more consistent with it.

You are an amazing person, Anon. Thank you.

Never change. 💜💜

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bitterbettybabbles · 1 month

Text

Bitter

-Be feminine and dainty so a Christian man will want you

-Save your virginity because you don't want your perfect Christian husband (with his own wh*re past) to think you're a wh*re

-Wear you hair natural and never wear makeup you don't want people to think you're too worldly

-You don't need college, if you go that's find, but if you don't just take care of yourself (no one ever taught how) oh and you're husband will take care of you

-Don't ask for too much because that's a turn off to people

-Don't complain about your problems because God will fix them and be grateful you have anything

-There's no money for you to go to college so you'll have to work (of course I'm only qualified for low, to no pay jobs)

-Gain some weight, guys hate skinny girls, bf always was caught liking the "thick" and curvy women

-Gains weight, ooh that's too much, you're fat, you're big backed getting called sir by men at work

-Wear your hair natural. Eww it's so nappy and short. You're bald.

-Gets locs and they grow long, she think she's all that since she grew out her hair, she's still ugly.

-You talk white, you're weird you still watch cartoons? You're childish.

-You're skin is uneven and ugly. I am so glad I don't look like you

-Your nose is huge, it takes up your whole face

-This guy likes me (to friends) oh lets add him and flirt with him online

-Talking and having a great convo. Oh you're homeschool? The person stops talking to me

-I can't wait until you turn 18 so you can get out of my house

-You contribute nothing.

-Look at people when they talk to you. Speak loud, stop being shy.

-Always being a friend to others, but noone being a friend to me

-Meeting great friends that ultimately lose interest in our long friendship after they go to college and I don't

-Believing due to you conservative upbringing that feminism is bad and that it does not benefit you

-Testing so well in your end of grade test. Being embarrassed by several community college professors because it turns out you were extremely behind in English, Math, Science, and much, much more.

-Saying I am going to start a business, but having no confidence and giving up eventually to work a series of low skilled, low paying jobs, going to college off and on.

-Secretly wanting to go to college just like my friends, but we can't afford it.

-Guys rarely being interested especially black ones who only had use for me in order to get to my lighter friends or white girls I knew

-Having $exual trauma from childhood

-In a long term engagement/relationship with a person who is nice, but can't afford to move out.

-Experiencing so much failure that life is starting to feel like a bad 90s comedy except I don't hear the audience's laughter

-Having $ex because that's the only time you feel connection anymore

-Eating yourself sick to try to fill yourself with the abundance of food because you lack love in the way you need.

-Have monthly thoughts off ending everything due to the despair and helplessness you feel

-Undiagnosed mental disorders that were disregarded as a child

-Using TikTok to try to self diagnose because the alternative costs too much to be figured out.

-Being 31 with no husband, no kids, no house, living at home, no job, and quite frankly not much hope.

-Years of cruel bullying, but WHY DOES SHE HAVE SUCH LOW SELF-ESTEEM?

-Waking up and feeling like your very existence is a burden

To you reading these may just sound like incoherent ramblings of various people. Unfortunately, these babblings, yes all of them, are mine. Despite the name I'm not completely bitter, at least not yet. Getting there though

0 notes

brucethewannabebard · 2 years

Text

Meant to Be

They say if it is meant to be it will happen. They say it about love, heartache, work, goals, blessings, curses, you name it. But I have never really liked that saying. It never quite sat right in my mind. Nor did I much like the taste of it as the words rolled off my tongue. You see the fact of the matter is “meant to be” is a lie. It has always been a lie. The phrase when spoken about in context of good things is utter bull. It is what people who got something say to feel that they were destined to have it. To feel like it was owed to them, or there is some cosmic force stacking the deck in their favor. The chance meeting of two lovers becomes fate some decades later. The dog that finds its way back home when lost was meant to be found. The promotion you got because your competition for the position had an issue. These things were meant to be.

When in context of loss or failure, it is an out. A hollow promise of something better coming later. That this bit of bad luck will eventually be compensated for somewhere down the line. I didn’t fail, it just wasn’t meant to be. They weren’t right for me. That wasn’t the job for me. I wasn’t meant to win that prize. I wasn’t meant to live there. It wasn’t the right time for this yet. It is a platitude and nothing more.

You see people use it because it is better than saying the truth. That everything in the world is choices. there is no meant to be, there is only what is chosen. But you might say, “How is my promotion my choice? And what about those other example that no choice could be made by me? surely that is proof that there is something more to things.” Well you are just failing to consider the obvious. The choice I spoke of isn’t always yours.

You didn’t get the promotion because you were meant to. You got it because you chose to work in a way that would put you up for it and then someone above you chose you. Your competition didn’t miss it cause it wasn’t meant to be, it is that the boss chose you. The dog chose to run out, and it chooses where it goes. Thus it chooses when to come back home. Sure it can get lost, but that would still be due to its choices. You can say the happenstance of meeting your wife of 30 years was meant to be because if you hadn’t stumbled that day and bumped into them at the cafe you might have never met. But you ignore the other hundreds of people you met and forgot about over those years in circumstances just as random.

You see you weren’t meant to be together. You chose to be. You met, talked, and then both chose to see each other again. And then again. And again. You chose to come back after a fight. You chose to work things out. To build a life together. Most of the time there was nothing keeping you two together other than both making the constant choice to maintain the relationship. Because you both decided independently, and yet also together, that it was worth choosing again and again every day.

So when you are left broken by someone who you chose to be with, it didn’t fail because it wasn’t meant to be. It failed because the other person stopped choosing to continue. When someone cheats, it isn’t by chance. It is a series of choices. When they lie, hide things, disrespect you, or a host of other actions, they are all choices.

So we say it wasn’t meant to be, because that helps us not hurt as much. We can blame it all on fate. Because it is better to think it wasn’t meant to be, than to think you were just unfortunate enough to chose someone who when presented the choice didn’t choose you. Because if you can call it fate, then you don’t have to deal with the question of why.

#Meant to be #Bullshit #Rambling #stream of consciousness #depressed #sad #sayings are dumb #heartache #Choices #late night nonsense #hate platitudes #tags are dumb

0 notes

fuwushiguro · 2 years

Text

I’m leaving.

So I’d imagine this has come as a shock to no one but I’ve decided that I’ve overstayed my welcome and opted to leave. I’m not gonna pretend it’s all been bad because it hasn’t. I’ve made friends for life and I’m really grateful for that. I’ve written some things that I’m proud of even if other people don’t like my writing, it hurts but I suppose no one can take my pride away from me. It’s been really difficult and hurtful to feel like an outsider for so long. Since joining I didn’t think fitting in would be such a pivotal point of writing and being in the community but it is. I feel like a spare part and heavily disliked here so I don’t think this is a healthy space for me to be any longer. I’ve tried so hard to make my blog a place people feel safe, people enjoy and people want to be. Unfortunately I don’t think I’ve succeeded at any of those things. My interactions are incredibly low in comparison to my follow count and fellow incredible writers and I have no one but myself to blame. As hard as I’ve tried, I suppose my writing isn’t good enough for anyone. I don’t hold it against anyone, I’ve tried in every way that I can to make a success out of my writing, my blog, and myself, but it’s obvious my attempts have been failures and simply aren’t good enough. I would have loved nothing more than to be a place people feel happy and a person people like to talk to but I just can’t seem to make it work here. I always try and think positive even after every failed fic and attempt to be better. “I’ll work on this next and I’m sure this will be my big break!” The big break never comes. It’s very easy to say you shouldn’t write for other people and you shouldn’t care about notes, but I do. Receiving compliments is nice and it’s something I enjoy, especially when I pour my heart and soul into my work. It's devastating to work on something you're excited for people to interact with and to receive radio silence, especially when peers receive endless praise and love for their writing. And rightly so! Every writer deserves love and the entire world for writing and sharing their stories for FREE. It's just not too difficult for me to pretend the lack of engagement isn't hurting me anymore. It really fucking is and I can't carry on attaching my writing to my self worth because I truthfully don't want to live at the minute. I feel so God awful about myself and my writing and my lack of talent or worth that I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I’ve tried every bit of advice I’ve sought out and received. I work incredibly hard to make my blog pretty and aesthetically pleasing. I do a million proof reads before I post anything because I’d feel incredibly guilty if someone read something I wrote and noticed even one mistake. And yet, no one cares. No one cares if my work is long or short. No one cares what I’m working on. No one cares about what I share. It’s that simple, no one cares. But I do. Every single ask Ive received, I care. Every comment every reblog every like, I care. The minimal interaction is what has kept me going but it’s just not enough for me anymore, I’m sorry if it’s selfish but that’s how I feel. I’m sorry for those waiting for specific series updates. I’m sorry for those looking forward to what I was going to be doing in future. But most importantly, I’m sorry for not being good enough. Tumblr has made me feel worthless and useless and I just can’t bear to feel that way anymore. I’m sorry. I may feel better after some time away, I don't know. Maybe leaving won't be permanent and maybe it will. I don't know. At the minute, I don't see a future here. @toyomitsus has kindly agreed to post the final Valentine's fic I wrote tonight on my behalf, I imagine that will be the last thing I put up. I'm setting up a temporary pinned post so people are aware of my absence but still have access to my navi and fics. Sorry to ramble.

Goodbye everyone.

Love, Luxe 💖

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demigodreading · 3 years

Text

Saving Mini Benson Pt:1

Request: From @youngjusticeimaginesus: Hi, I was wondering If maybe you'd be willing to do a oneshot where Olivia's daughter gets kidnapped by Lewis instead of Olivia?

Summary: That’s right my favorite peoples... This is going to be a two part mini series because there was no way everything that I needed to say could be done in a one-shot! I won’t go into much because I don’t want to give it away but please note THIS PART IS A DOOZY! The next one may be worse but still this arc made me cry in the show and I cried writing this

Characters: Olivia Benson, Fin Tutuola, Amanda Rollins, Nick Amaro, William Lewis, Donald Cragen, Reader

Relationships: Olivia Benson x Daughter! Reader

Warnings: MAJOR Violence, Guns, Cigarette Burns, Episode Spoilers, Alcohol, Smoking Weed, Mentions of Shootings, Death, William Lewis, Mentions of torture... (I Think that covers it but if it doesn’t please let me know)

Word Count: 2320 (Like I said.. there was no way this was gonna be just a oneshot.)

And with that all being said: Let’s jump into it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Olivia and her daughter rarely fought but when they did neither one wanted to admit the other one was right. Olivia loved and hated her daughter for being so similar to her. Even now as she watched the miniature version of herself stalk the interview room the exact same way she would send her heart racing. Usually the similarities would result in a smile but not today. Today Olivia’s vision was a deep red as she confronted her daughter.

“Y/N you were caught smoking weed underneath the bleachers during class! So not only did you break one rule you broke two!” Olivia shouted, folding her arms.

“Wow glad that you know how to count,” Y/N mumbled looking out the window.

“What did you just say to me?”

“Look mom I just don’t get what the big deal is? It was one joint. One class!” Y/N retorted, throwing her hands up, “I am a straight A student who has a full ride scholarship to Harvard.”

“Yes, because Barba stuck his neck out on the line for you and put in a glowing recommendation,” Olivia spat, “What you did was careless. You could have ruined everything that was given to you.”

“You know for once in your life could you ever be fucking proud of me! I do everything that I can do to make you proud and yet at the end of the day I am never fucking good enough for you.”

“That’s not…” Olivia went to argue but was interrupted by Cragen opening the door.

“Olivia we got a problem. I need you right now,” He said, then shut the door without waiting for an answer.

“Just go save another poor unfortunate soul mom. Don’t worry about your daughter. I��ll pick up my own pieces like I always do,” Y/N said, wiping tears from her face as she grabbed her coat.

Y/N stormed from the room before Olivia could stop her. She made her way through the precinct eyes trained to the floor as her mother’s voice rang out, “You better head straight home Y/N! We are not done having this conversation and you are grounded!”

Choosing not to say anything, Y/N merely raised her hand in the air flipping her mother off before the doors shut with a loud slam behind her. Tears made dark spots on the concrete as Y/N made her way back to their apartment. Even the noises of the constant car honks and people screaming couldn’t drown out the voices in her head today. Failure. Waste of space. Stupid. No one. Unwanted. Unloved.

It was the repeated song that kept her feet moving forward until she finally placed her key in the lock. She threw her bag by the kitchen island and threw her keys on the counter. She was about to turn on the living room light when a noise caught her attention.

“Hello? Hello?”

As she turned the corner her vision was filled with the sight of a gun pointed right at her temple. A smirk crossed William Lewis’ face as he looked at Y/N, “Ah welcome home Little Benson. I was hoping that it would be your mother who was walking through the door but I guess you will have to do.”

Y/N went to scream but instead Lewis jammed the gun against her throat, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you. One small slip of my finger and your mom will be left with a new kind of art all over her walls.”

Y/N let a single tear roll down her face before Lewis’ gun made contact with her skull and the whole world went black.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Olivia had already tried to call Y/N twice but it kept going straight to voicemail. The last known location had been their apartment so at least she had the sense to head straight home. The guilt in Olivia’s stomach was insurmountable. Watching her daughter explain that she never felt like she lived up to her standards. Olivia had promised herself when she had Y/N she would never end up like her mother. Yet there she was shaming her child for one mistake. Y/N was more than just a good kid, she was excellent. She was smart, beautiful, humorous, kind, and so much more. She was everything Olivia could have ever hoped for. Knowing that her daughter thought she wasn’t proud was the worst pain she could have.

After the third call Olivia finally decided to leave a voicemail, “Y/N I know you are mad but I need you to know something. I am proud of you and will always be proud of you. You are the best daughter and the most amazing human. I was rough on you early. Please let’s talk through this. I’ll be home soon with your favorite Chinese. Just don’t do anything stupid? I love you.”

When she hung up the phone she placed her head in her hands and let out a large sigh. Fin placed a reassuring hand on her back, “Liv, it is going to be okay. She is just being a teenager.”

“No Fin, you should have seen her. It was like I was physically taking her heart out and ripping it in front of her. I should have never said those things. I didn’t mean any of them… I was just upset.”

“She knows, they always know.”

Olivia merely shook her head and began to gather her things to head home. She walked out of the precinct without a goodbye and headed down the street to Y/N’s favorite Chinese place. They knew what she was going to order as soon as she walked in the door asking where Y/N was. Liv pushed off their question and scrolled through her phone as she waited for the food. Y/N’s phone was still off giving Olivia an eerie feeling as she finished the walk to the apartment.

Once inside she noticed Y/N’s bag on the floor and her keys on the counter. There was a sudden rush of cold air that made her notice the window that was open to the fire escape. She shut it quickly and then moved to Y/N’s room. The door was still open with everything the way she had left it that morning. Once her calls were unanswered Olivia opened the window again crawling onto the fire escape. Sometimes Y/N would go to the roof to watch the sun slowly crawl behind the buildings.When she reached the top however she was met with an unsettling emptiness.

Olivia reached for her phone to call the only person who was able to calm her anxiety lately, “Amaro, Y/N isn’t here. I can’t find her. What if something happened to her?”

“She probably just went to a friend’s house to get away,” Amaro replied stirring the contents of his drink, “She will be back in the morning just to relax. Sleep off the anger and come back with a clear head tomorrow.”

Liv pondered this suggestion over and over deciding what she should do. When the silence became too long Amaro interjected again, “Liv, I’m serious. You two had the biggest blow out that I have seen in awhile. Give her time to be mad at you and think. If you smother her she might only push further away from you.” She thanked her partner for the advice and then shoved her phone back in her pocket taking a sweep of the roof once again. Finally she slowly made her way back to the apartment shutting the window with a slam before locking it. Olivia wandered over to the kitchen moving the cereal that covered the top of the fridge to get to her secret cupboard. From the opening she pulled a large bottle of her favorite red wine. She popped the cork and decided to forgo a cup taking a long swig directly from the green glass. A large sigh escaped her lips as she plopped down on the couch going over the events of the day in her head.

As the contents of the bottle slowly drained till there was nothing else Olivia realized her fears were all coming true. She was becoming her mother. A woman she never once wanted to be. Three empty bottles later she finally curled under Y/N’s sheets crying into her pillow until she finally was able to fall asleep.

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The next morning when Y/N did not return and her phone was still shut down all bets were off. Olivia was furious but more importantly she was terrified. Something was horribly wrong. Her morning was spent talking to Y/N’s two best friends and searching their houses for her. When that search was unsuccessful Olivia went to the school hoping Y/N had gone there. However, she had been absent all day and there hadn’t even been a call to excuse her from the day.

When the morning bled into the afternoon Olivia was running around the city to all of Y/N’s usual hangout spots. The search of the library told her that Y/N hadn’t been there in over a week. The local bakery hadn’t seen her in three days. The coffee shop where Y/N always bought Olivia’s coffee when she came to see her at work had seen her two mornings ago but nothing since then. Even the old lady that had Y/N over twice a week to help her with errands and chores around the house hadn’t seen her.

It was dark by the time that Olivia fell into her desk chair at the precinct. With her head in her hands she let the tears fall. A whole day was gone and there was still no sign of her daughter. If she had been kidnapped they were running out of time and losing it quickly. The longer she was out there the longer the person had to get away with whatever they wanted.

The squad huddled around in Cragen’s office looking at Olivia curled over her desk. Rollins was the first one to speak, “I bet you Lewis has something to do with this.”

“And what makes you think that?” Amaro asked, “There are plenty of people who could have a vendetta against Liv.”

“It’s just a feeling.”

“Yeah well have you ever considered the idea that maybe Y/N just ran away,” Amaro retorted.

Fin, Cragen, and Amanda all turned towards Amaro, shocked. Cragen was the first one to speak, “I know you haven’t been here long Amaro but this isn’t Y/N. Something is horribly wrong and we are going to figure out what is going on. Fin and Amanda go check out Lewis’ usual hiding spots. I’ll take Liv through her apartment once again to see if we missed anything.”

“And me cap?”

“Amaro… you stay here and set up a tip line,” Cragen responded curtly and then they all disappeared to find where Y/N had disappeared to.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Y/N woke with a jolt as she felt cold water splash her face. She was met with Lewis staring only a couple inches away from her face. He grinned and grabbed Y/N’s chin as she tried to look away, “Well well there. Looks like someone is finally awake. Feeling thirsty?”

Y/N nodded her head yes waiting to scream as he curled his fingers around the edge of the duct tape. As he was about to pull it away he jammed a gun against Y/N’s throat, “Make any noise and I will shove this gun straight down your throat.”

Finally when he pulled the tape away Y/N spit right in his face, “Just shoot me already if you are going to threaten me with it.”

“And miss out on all of our fun Mini Benson. I think not. There is plenty that I want to do to you before then.”

Y/N began to panic as Lewis lit another cigarette. She remembered the way the others had burned against her chest and sides. She had lost count after twenty perfect circle burns and after the second pistol whip to the face she had passed out a second time, She couldn’t go through all of that again.

“My mom knows I am missing and she will be out looking for me. Just let me go and she will never have to know that you did it. Please,” YN begged.

“What is she going to think about that bruise on your face? Or the marks on your skin? I can’t let you go… plus I know that you both fought before you came home. I bet you that she thinks you just ran away and are leaving her,” Lewis chuckled.

“How.. how did you know that we fought?

“This lovely voicemail your mother left you,” Lewis said, placing your phone against your ear.

Tears began to run down Y/N’s face as she heard the apology her mother had sent her. Damnit! Why did I have to fight with her? We could have avoided all of this. Is the mantra that ran through her head as Lewis slammed the phone against her head and threw it at the wall.

“She isn’t coming for you,” Lewis snickered.

“Please… just let me go. I will do anything.”

Lewis pulled his gun and placed it against Y/N’s scalp, “You are still bargaining with me? Really. We are way past that baby.”

“I am the daughter of an NYPD detective. A decorated well known detective. My mother, her partner, her squad, the entire department will hunt you down. You think that you’ve put people through hell. It will rain back down on you.”

“You know what… let it rain,” Lewis said and then hit Y/N once again making her world go black for a third time.

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star-lemonade · 3 years

Text

I shouldn’t have said that

Astro Moonbin x Reader

Cw: smut

Rating: R

Word count: 3.3 k

Summary: Your friend Bin overhears you say you never had good sex in your life and asks if he can help with that.

A/N: While I wrote Country Side Vacation I thought it would be nice to have a series under the theme “reader slips up and says that they haven’t had sex with anyone in a while / no good sex in a while and their friend, who is in love with them, helps out” with different idols. This is unofficial part two XD

“I just want to get fucked really good one time in my life.”

You just felt so frustrated. It was not like you had had lots of exes but still it aways seemed like it was so good for them. Even your friends had stories of mind blowing sex but that just had not happened to you. You let your head sink down to the railing of the balcony. This party sucked too.

“You what?”

Cold ran down your spine like an ice cube. That voice. Oh no. You did not dare to turn around. Unfortunately you did not have to. Bin came up to the railing next to you.

The lights of the city below were a good excuse not to look at your friend. Your face burned. Why had you said that out loud? So stupid. Now Bin must think what a failure you are. You could not even get laid properly.

“Forget you heard that.”

You did not look at Bin and fled.

A few days later you got a message from Bin:

“Hey, wanna grab something to eat?”

You confirmed and met him at one of the usual places. Cheap and big portions was the restaurant’s MO. The room was little battered with its wood floors dented and discoloured, the paint chipping on tables and the walls. But it did not matter as you were here for the food. You found Bin sitting in the corner. Not where you would usually sit.

He wore his usual grey hoodie. Something was different about him today. His hair was messy and he continued to comb it every few minutes. On his neck an angry red patch told you that he had scratched it. Something he did when he was stressed. He was fidgety and distracted. A piece of paper in his hand got folded into half and half again until it was not possible to fold it anymore. When the waitress came with the order he looked at it as if he did not know what food was and stammered an order.

“What is up with you?”

Bin shovelled the food in his mouth. He stared at the bowl in front of him.

“Earth to Bin, are you there?”

He was almost shocked to find you sitting across from him. The spoon frozen halfway to his mouth. You were getting concerned. All of this was not normal Bin behaviour. A gently you added: “Everything alright?”

He set down his spoon and stared at the bowl in front of him. I hope nothing bad has happened.

“I want to ask you something.”

Bin looked around. The table next to yours was empty, but there were people in the restaurant. He slid along the bench. Until he sat next to you. What every this is, it’s for my ears only. Now you were curious.

“Do you want to go to your place?”

“Uhm-?”

Why would he ask that? He had been to your place tons of times. You looked at him. The answer was not written on his face, sadly. His face was neutral, it did not give any hints to the meaning of this. Bin had beautiful eyes and now he was pleading wordlessly for something. The problem was that you had no clue what that was.

“Go to my place?”

He saw that you did not understand and sighed. You knew him long enough to know that whatever it was he wanted to say, he also did not want to say. Bin leaned closer so really no one would hear.

“I will fuck you good. If you want me to.”

You froze. Without realizing you held your breath. Bin had just said that. He moved a little bit away, giving you space.

That was what he meant with ‘going to your place’. This revelation was too much. You could not deal with this. Your -very hot- friend had just offered to fuck with you out of nowhere.

“It’s okay, if you don’t want to.”

He patted your hair like he sometimes did and moved away. His face was flushed. Wait, this was not out of nowhere, it was about that party and that dumb thing you had said. You swallowed and grabbed his arm. Now that he has said it your brain needed to know.

“How would you do that?”

Your question caught him off guard. He looked around scared, but no one was paying attention.

“I would ask you what you want...but if it was up to me..”

He leaned forward so your faces were close. You could see the little scares on his cheek that looked like a smiley.

“First, I would eat you out…”

It was surprising to hear him be so direct. Somehow Bin had always stuck you as a bit more prude.The thought of his head between your legs however was really good. It had been to long since you had had a mouth on your clit.

“Then you would ride me to your heart’s content and at the end I will fuck you as hard and as fast as you want.”

That sounded like the best thing that had never happened to you. You did not know what to say. This was Bin. Your cute friend who really liked to go to the gym.

“I will think about it”

Your tone was very matter of fact. In that moment your instinct was not to flirt with him. The rest of the meal was tense and you said goodbye soon.

At home you did some thinking. Even your unconscious mind was working on this. Your dreams were filled with Bin’s head between your thighs and the hopeful wishing to be filled, stretched and thrusted into. You woke up very wet and uncomfortably turned on.

Maybe this was exactly what you needed. You pulled out your phone and texted Bin.

“Can you come to my place?”

Bin sat down on the edge of the bed and you in his lap. It was the first time you really noticed how big his thighs were. They felt solid under you and supported you as you weighed nothing.

Bin’s hands were on your ass, keeping you from sliding off his lap. You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him. Maybe the first kiss should have been more special but you were impatient. Bin responded to the kiss and he pulled you closer. You felt his kiss in your stomach and between your legs. Who knew your shy friend was this good of a kisser.

He pulled back and scanned your face.

“How do you want me?”

His voice was hoarse and the pupils of his brown eyes blown out. You had had your doubts about this but one thing was clear. Bin wanted you, wanted this, just as much, if not more than you.

“Just like you suggested. First your face between my legs..”

Dirty talk was not your strong suit but Bin did not seem to notice. He nodded and you got up from his lap.

“Do you want me to strip for you?”

Your face was hot instantly and in your best pearl clutching voice you said: “Is that what they teach you at the dance academy?”

He smirked. Bin is enjoying this way too much.

“Maybe.”

You felt a bit awkward but also excited. This was not something anyone had ever offered and usually you would have to pay for something like this.

“Yes.”

You may had to watch from between your fingers, because it felt overwhelmingly intense and intimate. He ran his hands over his body and your eyes followed. The sweater he was wearing hid most of his figure but one thing you could see, Bin had broad shoulders. He pulled the sweater up a bit revealing the skin of his stomach. You wanted to touch it but it disappeared again. Bin let the fabric slide back in place. Despite being tall and buff, Bin could dance gracefully.

He turned his back to you and lifted the sweater. As you had suspected, he did not wear anything under it. The fabric slid up his broad back and you could not take your eyes off him.

He sat in your lap but most of his weight was held up by his strong thighs.

“Can I touch you?”

Your hands already hovered over his skin, ready to make contact.

“Yes.”

You let yourself breathe again. Finally you could feel what Bin felt like. You ran your hands over his back and marvelled at the firm muscles. At the hip you traveled to the front to his thighs. The tension from holding his weight made them hard and big. You wanted to rest your head on them and have them between your legs.

Bin stood up and turned around. An outline had appeared in his underwear but it was not fully hard yet.

“How was it so far?”

His voice was soft and his eyes were even softer.

“You look fantastic, Bin.”

He blushed. It was cute.

“Can you lie down for me?”

Your mouth was dry and the words got stuck in your throat. Bin nodded and joined you on the bed. You straddled his hips. The contact of your hips made both of you gasp. His hands flew to your hips. He grabbed you not to control your movement, but because he needed something to hold on to. His fingers had slipped under the hem of your shirt, just ghosting over your skin. The sight was so much worse - better- than before. From his thick arms and big chest to the grooves of his abs, Bin just looked perfect. You rolled your hips into his and soaked in his little whimper. His hands pushed your shirt higher and you leaned forward so he could take it off. The cool air made you shiver but not for long. Bin sat up and wrapped his arms around you. His lips were on your neck and moved further down. Your eyes followed his movements trying to save the picture, burning into your memory how he looked kissing your chest. He locked eyes with you as he pulled down your bra and sucked your nipple into his mouth. A jolt ran through your body and you gasped. Your hand tangled in his hair. It was long, for him at least, and soft, perfect to hold onto. If you had not been so distracted by his teeth lightly biting your nipple, you might have played with it. He pulled back from your abused chest and looked up, expecting for you to say what was next. As much as you wanted for Bin to eat you out, like it had been the original plan, you were soaking wet and wanted to be filled already. You licked your lips.

“Is it okay if I ride you now?”

Your tone was a bit more desperate than you would like to admit. Bin purred a ‘Yes’ and kissed your lips. His strong arms pressed you against his bare chest. He was solid against you in the best way possible and his tongue danced in your mouth, slowly getting you even more worked up. You were sure that his goal was not to fuck you, but to drive you insane, to get you so horny you would simply rip off his remining clothes.

You broke the kiss and stood up to wiggle out of your pants and underwear. Bin did not break eye contact as he did the same. His erection sprung free and you swallowed hard. He fished something out of his pocket and lay down on the bed again, waiting. You crawled on the bed towards him, running your hands up his legs as you did so. It had the effect you wanted. Bin gulped. A blush spread on his face and chest. Your hands reached his thighs and you decided this was actually your favorite part of his body. Those big muscles were just perfect. You gently pushed his legs apart and he watched as you kissed the sensitive insides of his thighs. He shivered when you sucked on the skin and something between a gasp and a moan escaped him. You pulled back to see your work and a red mark had appeared that would fade in a few minutes.

“Can you continue?”

Bin’s voice cracked and he looked at you with pleading eyes.

“Continue with what?”

You teased him but you were not also not sure what he wanted exactly. He licked his lips.

“Can you leave a mark there?”

The question was like a punch between the legs. You may have clenched around nothing upon hearing that. Not trusting your voice you nodded and leaned down to the red circle on his thigh. Bin would have a bruise there for days. Bin would see the bruise there for days. And think of me every time he sees it. You sucked hard on the spot, making sure it would form a bruise and listened to Bin’s heavy breathing.

When you were satisfied with your work you pulled back and looked at his face. A thin layer of sweat covered Bin’s skin and he had closed his eyes. His hand clutched your bed sheet and you smiled.

“Was it good?”

You asked in the more innocent tone you could muster.

“Yes, very.”

He pressed the words out rather than saying them. You loved that you could affect him like this. He handed you the condom that had been in his pocket and rolled it on. You loved teasing him and for good measure you took him into your mouth. He gasped and his hand grabbed the sheets tight again as if it was the only thing anchoring him. After a few good sucks you let go, You did not want him to come just yet.

You swung your legs over hips and aligned him with your entrance. He slipped in easily but that did not mean it was bad. The stretch was just right and you moaned quietly. With a whimper your hips came to rest against his. Bin’s hands landed on your thighs and moved up to your hips. He licked his lips. You loved how he looked under you, all big and strong but so at you mercy. His breathing hitched when you tentatively rocked your hips.

Ride me to your hearts content. His words echoed in your mind. Don’t mind if I do.

His hands held onto your hips as you rocked against him, his fingers pressing into your skin. You leaned back a little, changing the angle. The pressure on your g spot increased in this position and you let out a moan.

"Stop."

You froze. Bin sighed in relieve. His thumbs rubbed circles on your hips.

"Everything okay?"

You hoped that you had not hurt him somehow.

"I’m fine it was just really close."

He did not meet your eyes. Bin was embarrassed that he almost came. You leaned forward and kissed him. The kiss was intended to encourage him but it escalated into an intense display of how much you wanted to fuse with one another. He was already in you, how much closer could you get?

"Wanna switch?"

Bin nodded with glazed over eyes.

"Lie on your belly."

You wondered what he had on his mind. Doggy style had its appeal but it was hard to come for you. He guided you to lay down flat and straddled your hips. Okay this is not doggy style. When he slipped into you again, you knew why he want this position. With every thrust he brushed your g spot. His hot breath tickled your neck when he asked: "Do you like it?"

He supported his weight with his arms and slowly slid in and out. It was not exactly the pounding he had promised but damn, it was so much better. You clenched around him for more pressure where you wanted it most, but that was not the best strategy. His thrusts were shallow and you simply pushed him out. You let out an annoyed noise at the loss.

"You’re a little too greed."

He kissed neck as he pushed in again.

"Don’t worry."

His hips moved slowly as before, controlled and patient. "I will make you come."

You involuntarily clenched around him this time. Bin’s slow but steady thrusts build you up but it was nerve-racking. You were so ready to come but the last bit was missing. A little more was all you needed.

"Bin please."

He grunted and sucked on your neck as he sped up. It was still not enough. You wanted to touch your clit to finally come but you could not get your hand down there nor would you be able to move your fingers once you were there. Bin’s thrusts went deeper now not hitting your g spot as often and you wanted to cry. You were so close, just a little more.

He pulled out and you whimpered.

"Bin."

You felt like you were either going to get angry or cry or both. He pushed you and turned you around. Oh, fuck. His face did not have his usual soft smile, instead he was concentred and a fire burned behind his eyes. He ran a hand threw his hair and you got another good look his spectacular body. Those wide shoulders will be the death of me. He did not give you more time to complain, but wrapped your legs around his hips. Your arms crossed behind his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. Even though you were technically on the bottom, had more control of his movements now than ever. You used your legs to guide Bin’s hips and now you noticed how strong he was. His hips snapped against your at an ever faster and harder pace. Your fingers tangled in his wet hair. So close. His muscles were really not just for show. Your body tensed and Bin’s movements became more erratic. You arched your back of the bed and you probably pulled out some of his hairs. His thrusts became weaker as you rode out your orgasm and he stopped soon after.

He buried his face in your neck, his breathing going fast. Your legs were a bit shaky but you still wrapped them around him, not ready to let him go yet. His breathing slowed and more of his weight rested on you. You wiggled under him, changing your position slightly.

"Am I too heavy?"

"No, just my boobs are not pillows. It hurts when there is too much pressure on them. Now it’s okay tho."

You stroked his hair and he sighed. It was a little bit too warm for your taste under his body but the weight of Bin on you was comforting, anchoring you to the here and now. He was not as hard anymore, but it still felt good to have him inside you. Bin pressed some lazy kisses to your shoulder. He pushed himself up slowly and slid out. You pouted a little and he explained: “I was gonna fall asleep on you.”

You wanted to say it did not matter but Bin was quite heavy, it would have been hard to breathe. He went to your bathroom and when he came back he lay down next to you.

The atmosphere had changed. You were not sure what would happen now. You had not exactly talked much about it beforehand. Bin looked good in your bed but also very tired.

“What’s gonna happen now?”

At the words a short panic blew away his sleepiness. He studied your face.

“Do you want to go on a date sometime?”

#wkcnet #noonasinnetwork #Astro smut #Astro Moonbin smut # Moonbin x reader #Astro x reader #kpop x reader #Astro fanfic #Astro fics #kpop fanfic #kpop smut #star writing #queue for the lemonade stand

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wandaromanova · 3 years

Text

“And I... Am...” [2]

A Natasha Romanoff x Gn!Avenger!Reader story

warnings: fighting, little bit of violence, angst, death (let me know if i should add any!)

A/N: Ahhh, here’s the final part of this very brief series. i hope you all enjoy and if anyone would like me to write something else my asks are open. thank you for reading! <3

tagging: @username23345

summary: 5 years ago, the avengers lost. half the world may have been taken away, but Y/N’s entire world faded to nothing in their arms. they would do anything to bring everyone back, most especially the love of their life. whatever it takes.

Part 1

Word Count: 3.7K words

(gif is not mine)

5 years. 5 years without seeing her bright, pearly white smile. 5 years without her sarcastic comments and snarky remarks. 5 years without her messy red hair sprawled across her pillow as she sleeps peacefully beside you. 5 years without her warm hugs as her lavender scented perfume invades your senses. 5 years without long nights of cuddling in each other’s arms as you watched the cheesy romcoms of your choice. 5 years without waking up to her playfully kissing your face. 5 years without her standing by your side during missions. 5 years without your little dinner dates that you both decided to go on whenever you both had the time. 5 years without her teasing kisses against your neck that made you laugh as hard as ever before. 5 long, long years without Natasha Romanoff.

Everyday without her was agonizingly slow. Every part of your shared apartment a constant reminder of your failure. Your failure to protect the world, the failure of protecting your world. Natasha always ensured your safety and protection when you needed her most, and the time she needed you; you astronomically failed her. Your heart ached every night as you fell asleep, even more so in the mornings. The mornings were the worst as you would reach over to her side of the bed, expecting to feel her peaceful form breathing steadily next to you, but you are only met with the cold white sheets of your once shared bed. The cold sheets a heartbreaking contrast to her warm body.

You didn’t get a single night of uninterrupted rest, as the memory of Natasha fading to nothing in your arms would replay over and over like a song stuck in your head. You cried the first time you returned home on that fateful day. The walls of your apartment holding the memories of happier times, when she was still alive. Her coffee cup that she never washed and left on the counter every morning still sitting where she left it that very day. You didn’t have the heart to move it. You didn’t dare to move any of her things, leaving them where she had placed them. You wore all of her hoodies though, as they still held her scent. However, you went through all of her hoodies quickly, her scent fading away just like she had. You considered not staying in the apartment, the memory of her making it hard to breathe within the confines of your shared space. But, you didn’t have the heart to leave it either. Leaving your home felt like leaving her, although your true home was her.

You tried to hold out hope though. Every single day you would go to the Avengers Compound and oversee any occurrences. You would communicate with any avengers that were not in New York or simply not on earth such as Captain Marvel, Rocket, Rhodes, and Okoye. You got consumed by your need to compensate for the failure that changed your life and absolutely wrecked your self-esteem. Although you were stuck in the past, some of the other avengers tried to move past it. Tony and Pepper brought a beautiful daughter named Morgan into the world, you were so happy for them, albeit a bit envious. Steve joined a support group, Clint was.... somewhere doing lord knows what. But you remained in the compound, constantly ignoring your own well-being, unable to stomach the failure and desperately trying to find something to hold out hope. However, your stubbornness was not for naught, as one day, while Steve visited you at the Compound, Scott Lang appeared at the front of the Compound. As he explained about Quantum Physics and the possibility of time travel, hope made its way back to you full force. You could all quite possibly make things right again. This spark of hope didn’t ignite within you only, but it also coursed through the remaining avengers when they were informed of the insane, but good idea of time travel.

——————————————————————————

Time travel. That’s our only hope of restoring what used to be. It sounds absolutely insane, but it’s the only option we have. Just the fact that there even is an option, is a miracle. Tony took a little bit of time to be on board with the idea, but he came around and now all the avengers stand together on the platform. Clint and Rhodey were set to go to Vormir. You, Tony, Banner, and Steve were to go to New York. Nebula went to Morag, Thor and Rocket went to Asgard while Scott stayed behind. What felt like hours for the team, was only a minute in real time. As you all made it back to the present, you looked around at the entire team. “Did we get them all?” You turn to your right and look at Banner. “You mean to tell me this actually worked?” You asked with a wide smile. Suddenly, a thud is heard to your left.

The entire team looks at Rhodes, he is soaked and it is then you notice Clint’s absence. “Rhodey? Where’s Clint?” You ask nervously. Rhodes just looks up at the team with sorrow evident in his eyes. The whole room knew what that meant as it fell silent, you dropped to your knees. You were as close to Clint as Nat was, given he was your girlfriend’s best friend. Your soul was absolutely crushed by the news, and the fact that someone would have to tell his family about his sacrifice to bring everyone back was heart crushing. However, Clint’s death only fueled the motivation to get this over with once and for all. No one had time to truly mourn as now that the team retrieved the stones, the stones just needed to be placed into the gauntlet.

However, this was not the hardest part, no. The hardest part was figuring out who should actually snap their fingers. Thor, Tony, and yourself offered to do the snap, but Banner immediately intervened. “It’s gotta be me. You saw what those stones did to Thanos. It almost killed him. None of you could survive.” He said solemnly. “How do we know you will?” You asked him seriously. “We don’t, but the radiation is mostly gamma. It’s like, I was made for this.” He finished off, and everyone in the room begrudgingly agreed. Unfortunately, before Banner could even put his hands on the gauntlet, the compound was attacked by a huge explosion, sending everyone flying in different directions, some knocked out by the impact and buried beneath rubble.

——————————————————————————

You wake up with a groan, you entire body is aching. You slowly open your eyes and take in your surrounds. You are buried beneath the concrete of the compound. The once magnificent architectural building, now a destroyed foundation. You look to your right and notice that water is flooding into the area where you, Rhodes, and Rocket are trapped. You noticed that Rocket and Rhodes are both trapped under a piece of cement and you use your powers to lift it off of them before dropping it back onto the ground with a grunt.

You speak into comms, “Is anyone there? We’re trapped and are unable to get out of here. I can hold off the water, but I can’t get us back to the surface.” Your powers are strong, but it will take a great deal of energy to get yourself, Rhodes, and Rocket out of here. You have no clue how deep you guys are below the surface. But you could at least hold off the water until someone is able to save you all. Scott replies and says “I’m on my way, I’ll get you guys.” And you mumble a “thanks” before asking another question, “How on earth did this happen?” you ask this as you use your powers to form some sort of blockade to keep the water from drowning you all. Scott suddenly appears, going back to his regular size and says “Nebula was compromised. You guys better hang onto something,” as he turns into a giant and breaks you all out of the concrete cage you were held in.

As you all return to the surface, Scott places the three of you on the ground. You take notice of the state of Steve, Tony, and Thor. They are badly beaten as Thanos cowers over them. Your eyes widen as you notice the ships approaching behind Thanos, along with his army of thousands. You, Rocket, Rhodey, (and Gamora??) together, ready to attack. You have no time to question Gamora’s sudden seeming resurrection as you notice Banner is the only one missing from the bunch, nowhere to be seen. You turn to everyone as you point at the gauntlet in Gamora’s arms and speak “Protect that gauntlet at all costs, don’t let him get to it. As soon as Banner is spotted, give it to him so he can do the snap and end this, once and for all. Understand?” Everyone nods in acknowledgement at your words.

A sense of deja vu hits you as you turn to face the impending battle. Once again you all are drastically outnumbered, you all must stand and fight against Thanos once more. The only differences being that you all are 5 years older, half of the universe’s population is gone, and Natasha is not by your side. The entire team is angered that this happened in the first place and the desire and will to defeat the mad titan is as strong as its ever been. You all failed to protect the world and your loved ones once, you all refused to lose this battle again. You all have something to fight for. You all attack and after what felt like hours of fighting Thanos’ army, you notice Scott running with the gauntlet, and your eyes widen as Thanos makes his way towards Scott. You quickly throw the enemies you were dealing with, with the flick of your hand and rush for the titan head-on.

Using your vibrant blue powers, you strike Thanos with a powerful beam of energy. Thanos tries to block himself but is a little too late as he’s sent flying back. “You took everything from me.” You say angrily and with a vengeful conviction as your eyes turn blue and your blue powers waver across your hands, levitating you a few feet off the ground. The titan stares at you as he stands and says “I don’t even know who you are.” You look at him and tilt your head, and reply with a dangerous calmness, “You will.” You then end up encasing Thanos, holding him up high in the air, your powers acting as blue hands. You squeeze him with all the strength you can conjure up and start to rip off his armor without laying a finger on him. “Rain fire!” The titan exclaimed to his servant. “But sire, our troops.” “Just do it!” Thanos screams. Unfortunately, you were so caught up in your rage that you failed to notice what Thanos was saying. You were soon knocked out with a powerful blast from a ship above you. Your grip on Thanos no more as you flew across the field and were knocked unconscious.

——————————————————————————

You wake up and groggily try to take in your surroundings. Your entire team beat to the ground. Banner, Scott, and Clint are unconscious, and the rest of the team are too weakened to move. Captain Marvel was also here, when she got here? You have no idea, but that doesn’t matter as she was knocked out as well. However, at least the giant ships and Thanos’ army had been taken out. You guys did impressively well considering how outnumbered you all were. You look away from your battered teammates beside you and you feel panic wash over you. Above you, the massive titan stands, placing the gauntlet on his hand. No. He CANNOT get that gauntlet, you think in a panic. However, your body is too weak to get up, you still try to stand with every ounce of strength that’s left in your body, but to no avail. All of a sudden, you feel a tingling sensation from your hands that you have never felt before.

You look at your hands and notice little sparks of electricity forming. This has never ever happened before, your powers are a dark blue and are more like laser beams than sparks. What is happening? As you stared at your hands, you failed to notice Mjölnir rising beside Thor. Mjölnir abruptly launches itself into your hand, and you suddenly feel a surge of electricity flow through your veins, giving you a spark of energy. The people who are still conscious are shell-shocked as they had all tried and failed to wield the mighty hammer. You yourself had even failed to lift Mjölnir all those years ago before the Ultron situation, but now here you were, worthy and determined to win this battle. As you attempt to stand once more, Thor joyfully exclaims “I knew it!” At Thor’s words, Thanos stomps on Thor, successfully knocking the Asgardian God out cold.

You rise to your feet, the only thing on your mind being that you need to bring Natasha back. You charge at Thanos, rising off the ground as your dark blue powers mixed with the lightning of mjölnir radiate off of you. You struck the titan with a powerful, concentrated hit with Mjölnir before using up the most power you ever have. You manage to do damage to Thanos, but with the gauntlet on he manages to use the stones to fight against your own powers. As he hits you, he fails to notice you exchange the gauntlet with the stones, with another gauntlet that he failed to notice lying on the ground. As your body is flung like a ragdoll across the floor, you look up as Thanos says “I... am inevitable.” And he snaps his fingers, but nothing happens. He, along with everyone else looks confused as he does this. All of them were puzzled, except for you.

You get on your knees and place the real gauntlet on. The energy so powerful as it courses through your veins, it’s an intense burn as if your blood was made of fire, pumping through every part of your body. You look around at the team, the people you have grown to love and call a family. You know that this will be the end of you, but you are content with that. What better way to go than saving the world and bringing the love of your life back? The team seems aware of your fate as well, the sadness evident on the faces of the broken down avengers. It hurt them, but they knew it had to be done. They couldn’t stop you, even if they tried. You already had the gauntlet on and you had made up your mind. After one last glance at your family, you focus back on Thanos, who stares at you in shock. A human wielding the stones, that was a sight for sore eyes. The snap almost killed Thanos the first time, imagine now? You have powers of your own, yes, but you’re still a human. You take a deep breath, your mind is racing as it is taken over by thoughts of Natasha. How you’ll never get to see her red hair and green eyes sparkle again, how you’ll never hear her raspy laugh that warms you up inside, and how you’ll never have the future you both had always wanted together. But you remind yourself that this is all for her, and that was the final push you needed to follow through with this plan.

You stare Thanos dead in the eye again as you shakily say “I... Am...” you envision Natasha and her big bright smile as you finally say “an Avenger.” And with the snap of your fingers, a bright light consumes your body and radiates across the field. All you hear is the ringing in your ears and all you can focus on is the burning of your charred body. The conscious team members gather around you, they are all speaking to you but you can’t fully hear what they’re saying. They sound far away even though they’re right in front of you. You watch as Thanos and his little servants disappear into dust, just like half of the population did 5 years ago. You release a heavy sigh of relief at the sight.

You look back to Steve who’s directly in front of you. He reaches into his pocket and dials a number, and when he turns the phone towards you, you notice the contact name; Natasha. Steve’s eyes widen as the redhead actually answers her phone, it worked. He however, tried to swallow his shock as he let’s her know that you’ll be put on the line. He doesn’t have the heart to inform her of your condition. You use every muscle in your body just to reach out for the phone and grasp it in your hand. “Hello? Y/N, baby?? Where are you?? What happened??” You smile widely at the sound of her deep, raspy voice as your eyes slowly start to close. The team panics as they try to convince you to keep your eyes open just a little longer, Natasha’s voice sounding more concerned and alarmed at the coaxing of the team. We did it, we really did it... she’s okay... it’s okay... is your final thought as your eyes close even further. The darkness is so tempting and you find yourself falling deeper and deeper into it, until you’re consumed by it. Never to see the light again.

——————————————————————————

2 weeks later

At your funeral, Nat was suspiciously devoid of emotion as the ceremony commenced. It was so weird for the team to see and they were genuinely worried. Natasha was always sure to not make her emotions known, it’s how she was trained as an assassin, but to show no emotion after losing the love of her life? Definite cause for concern. After the beautiful ceremony and burial, the team all returned to Tony’s cabin, he let the team know that there was something he needed to share with them. Tony stands before the team in his living room and places his iron man helmet on the mantle. He clears his throat before he begins, “Before the time heist, Y/N approached me and asked me a favor. They borrowed my iron man helmet and asked me to play this recording if things went south. So, this is me fulfilling their final wish.”

You appear as a hologram, sitting on a chair in your time heist suit. “So, if you’re watching this.. that means that I’m... yanno” and you make a throat slicing motion with a little laugh. You then realize that the people watching this will most likely not find humor in your little joke and immediately stop laughing. “I hope that in watching this, that means that we succeeded in bringing everyone back. It’s all we have been hoping and praying for, for the past 5 years. And I pray to God... or to Thor... that it worked out.” You actually laugh at your terrible attempt at a joke. Everyone in the room laughs at your corniness with tears in their eyes.

“If we did win, that must mean that you’re here Natasha.” You pause and take a deep breath. At the mention of the redhead, the room falls silent as Nat watches intensely, desperate to hear what you have to say to her. You proceed, your voice wavering as you were overcome with emotion, “I’m so sorry that I had to leave you so soon. I’m so sorry that we’ll never have the chance to get married and have little rascals of our own running around a little farmhouse of our own in the middle of nowhere like we always dreamt of. But, the day you left me, those 5 long years ago, a part of me left with you. And I would do anything to get you back, and I’m sure I’ve proven that to be true if you’re seeing this.” You take another break as your voice starts cracking, as Natasha finally let a tear escape.

You suddenly stand up, and move over to the camera, staring directly into it with an intense gaze. “But Nat, baby, you have to listen to me when i say that this is not the end of the world. It may feel like it, but I promise you it’s not. Those 5 years without you, I felt as though I was drowning in grief and despair, but then hope made its way into my life when Scott suddenly appeared on the steps of the compound. And I promise you that you will have hope again, not for my return, but for happiness in your life again, without me.” At your words, Natasha shakes her head furiously as silent tears steadily fall across her pale cheeks.

You giggle “I know you won’t believe me right now, but you will one day my love. You were wrong that day in Wakanda. You WILL survive this. You must move on eventually, as impossible as it sounds and as much as it kills me to say. Please do not give up on the world, don’t push everyone away, but let them in. I gave my life up so you could live yours, and I know you wouldn’t let my life go to waste.” You stop and look down at your watch. “I have to go now, if this time heist thing goes to plan, then everyone who vanished will return. God, I hope so.... I love you Natalia Alianovna Romanova.” You look down at your hands, and back up at the camera and say your final words.

“Remember...” you begin while moving closer to the helmet, “You could never lose me moya lyubov... I’m yours forever.” You smile tearily and the recording ends. Those last words were what finally did it for Natasha. All the emotion she was keeping bottled up broke loose and she had no control of the wheel of her emotions as she slammed head first into a breakdown. Natasha cried in sorrow as she mourned the possibilities that are no longer possible and screamed out in anguish for the unfulfilled promises of a happy, long life with you by her side.

The world had won, but Natasha had lost her world.

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #avengers endgame #avengers #black widow #black widow x reader

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moved-to-void-kissed · 3 years

Text

Split of Twin Flowers

After being rescued from the realm of darkness, Aria seeks a way to give Ves a chance at living her own life, while also continuing to survive in her own right. Aqua brings her to the scientists at Radiant Garden to see if they have a solution, and for Aria to explain her situation, but the only option available may carry some worrying implications.. (3937 words)

Takes place after the ending of KH3. Content warning for mentions of battle scars, talk of a character being possessed, an event comparable to an exorcism (it’s kind of hard to explain in non-series-specific terms, sorry), and rather a lot of self-insert-focused exposition.

(Comments on and reblogs of my work are always okay, and appreciated, but are by no means required. I recommend reading this piece on the original document, but if that doesn't work, a transcript has been copied and pasted under the readmore.)

This is a piece I have been working on for a long time, and am very proud of, so I really appreciate anyone who takes the time to read it. I hope it isn’t quite as heavy as the content warnings may possibly indicate. I’m also using it as my post for the twenty-ninth day of sapphic September; there’s just one more to go!

Document transcript:

The door to the laboratory opened halfway, and a young woman tentatively poked her head around it. Upon seeing that she was not interrupting anything, she smiled and emerged more properly, brushing a lock of blue hair from her face.

“Oh, Master Aqua!” The lone scientist in the room smiled warmly as he noticed her. “Thank you for coming. I’m glad to see you’re alright.”

“Thank you, Ienzo.” Aqua replied, even if she did still in fact look rather tired. The long battle to defeat Master Xehanort and the true Organisation still felt fresh in her mind, and although it was a fight that the light had eventually won, it had still taken quite a toll on her. Not only that, but she hadn’t had the same chance to rest as the others - though thoughts of locating Sora still weighed on everyone’s minds, Aqua had been more concerned with finding a way back into the realm of darkness in order to rescue Aria, her partner who she had so unwillingly abandoned..

Now that Aria was finally free as well, Aqua could let herself relax a bit more, and with that lowering of her guard came much contemplation of everything she had gone through.

“Um.. Master Aqua?”

“Ah!”

She’d been staring off into space again, judging by Ienzo’s worried expression half-visible under his hair.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes, don’t worry!” she replied, slightly embarrassed at her lapse in concentration. The young scientist did not look entirely convinced, but he seemed content enough to continue.

“I’m the only one here at the moment, but I should still be able to help with what we talked about over the Gummiphone. Did you happen to bring Aria with you?”

At this, the half-open door Aqua had come through continued to swing open as if of its own accord, only to reveal another young woman entering the laboratory with a somewhat nervous expression. She had clearly been through a lot, and the realm of darkness she had reportedly been trapped in for aeons had definitely left its mark on her; several large patches of darkness could be seen spanning her face and body, with one reaching down her left eye like a melting wound.

“Yes, I’m here..”

Her catlike eyes flickered nervously around the room, and it soon became apparent that what Ienzo had thought was a cape were in fact a pair of black feathered wings, both subconsciously curling around her shoulders. It was only upon recognising that Ienzo was the only one present, and that his initial reaction to seeing her was not as negative as she was expecting, that she was able to relax slightly and explain herself from behind a now-steeled facade.

“My name is Aria.” she said, looking up at the scientist from under her messy blonde hair. “Aqua said you might be able to help me achieve something. Has she already.. told you about, well-”

“We’ve already spoken a little bit using the Gummiphone I was given before, but he said it was best for us to come and talk in person to try and get everything clear.” Aqua stepped in after sensing Aria’s hesitation and took her hand to support her partner. “It’s alright - you can trust him,” she whispered close to her ear.

Trusting only in her love’s reassurance, Aria started to explain her intentions to Ienzo, who seemed content to listen even considering the clear presence of darkness she had; this silent gesture of tolerance was greatly appreciated. She appeared hesitant to reveal much of her true nature as a Heartless, but she did what she could to inquire whether the young scientist knew any way for a heart to be released from its current body and inhabit a different one, allowing the dormant self within the original body to reawaken. Unfortunately, Ienzo remained pensive, even after she had said her part.

“So, you’re looking for a way for a heart to enter a new body? I’m sorry, but.. I’m not sure we’ll be able to help you. Any of the resources we could have used - which is to say, the replicas, they would have been perfect for this - were taken by Roxas, Xion, and Naminé’s hearts.”

“Oh. So, there is nothing you can do?” Aria persisted, but Ienzo shook his head.

Then came a flash of hesitant inspiration.

“Unless..” He trailed off and turned to look down one of the corridors leading away from the main lab space. “Could you two come with me, please?”

“Of course!” said Aqua brightly, as Aria nodded in assent.

==========

The three left the main hub of the laboratory to walk down the corridor, which felt as though it was turning downwards into a basement level of sorts. Once there, they came to a tall door which Ienzo unlocked with some sort of biometric scanner, and this opened out into yet another laboratory space with a similar layout to the first - however, this one seemed in a less presentable condition than the other, and its lack of windows seemed to be what was giving it a more foreboding presence. There was a distinct sense that something bad had happened here, once upon a time.

“After you and the other Guardians of Light helped to defeat Master Xehanort,” Ienzo was saying to Aqua, “we went back to the Keyblade Graveyard to see if there was anything to salvage from the battlefield, and we were able to bring this back with us.”

He gestured to a container at the far wall, in which the two Keyblade wielders could now see a strange white figure suspended inside, resembling a featureless mannequin. It appeared to be dressed in some kind of dark robes, of a dull purple colour inlaid with sharp red motifs, worn over pieces of tarnished metal armour. A number of scuffs and dents littered the otherwise-smooth surface, and Aria could sense traces of a dark presence seeping from the container, despite the blank nature of the figure itself.

“What is this..?”

“This is one of the replicas that Even created, back when he was still Vexen, and a member of the first Organisation.” Ienzo explained. “The first twelve were prototypes, initially abandoned as failures, since they were made before his assistant provided the data needed to perfect them, but.. From what I understand, the real Organisation - which Vexen was also a part of at the beginning - repurposed those twelve into vessels for Xehanort’s heart, as backups in case the people they brought through time fell in battle again.”

“That’s right, I remember fighting these now.” muttered Aqua. “But, didn’t they fuse into one form, eventually?”

“That’s what I thought, too, from your accounts of the situation.” replied the scientist. “I’m not sure if Sora defeating the replicas in battle made them all separate out again, since they weren’t really designed to be fused, or if this one was already too damaged to combine with the others in the first place. Regardless, it was the only one we recovered.”

He now turned to face the blank figure with a concerned expression. “We’ve been running some experiments to see whether it can be repurposed for anything, but.. There’s a lot of darkness still lingering within it, so it wouldn’t be safe for a heart of light to inhabit without risking it also being afflicted by that darkness. And we haven’t found a good way of destroying that darkness without compromising the replica, either.”

“I could sense the dark power when I saw it, so corruption would seem a likely outcome.” Aria mused. “This would also be darkness from Xehanort, so.. it isn’t that surprising that some part of it stuck around. Persistence did seem to be his only worthwhile trait.”

She had crossed her arms in contempt at this last part, but seemed satisfied enough to relax after studying the replica further. “It shouldn’t matter any more than he did in the long run, though.”

“Hmm..” Aqua seemed concerned about the prospect, but was trying to keep an open mind. “What do you make of it, Aria?”

“Well..” She took a moment to examine the figure with an unchanging expression. “The replica body itself has sustained some damage from the fight, but I don’t see why that would affect my ability to inhabit it - it’s just possible that those injuries would reflect in my new appearance, which is.. nothing I’m not accustomed to. And, if the heart within a replica determines its appearance, then maybe what’s left of my heart - or, I suppose, the heart that I once was - would be able to smooth over those gaps. Though, if it’s the latter, that could mean my appearance ends up changing, which.. is not what I want.”

Aqua tentatively nodded, but Ienzo seemed more visibly confused.

“I’m sorry to interject, but- what do you mean by “the heart that you once were”? You’re saying that that’s different to your heart, somehow?”

“..In a sense, yes. How do I explain this..?” There was a slight pause as Aria tried to gather her thoughts, and it was clear she was still trying to think by the hesitant nature of her words that followed. She had seen right through to the heart of the man standing before her, which glowed with a newly-restored lustre. It was a heart that sought to help people, and sought knowledge in order to do that, though there were visible flickers of a long-seated regret present as well. Still, it was a heart that she judged would not judge her, so she decided to provide it with the truth she hoped would sate it.

“Though I look mostly human to you, this- isn’t technically my body, however much I treated it as such. If I were to let go of this vessel, or be driven out from her, you would see me as I really am - a Heartless, a flowering thing. However, Heartless are created when a heart is consumed by darkness, so.. surely the appearance I would take if I were to possess a blank replica would be that of the person this heart - my heart - used to belong to. Only, I don’t- I don’t really see myself as him, or as Ves. I am different, I am my own- well, person, if I can even call myself that. Yet, when I imagine my appearance outside of this vessel, I can only see myself as a Heartless. Does that make any sense?”

“I think I follow..” the scientist mumbled, though his still-furrowed brow seemed to indicate otherwise. “So, you kept your memories of who you were, even after turning into a Heartless? Kairi had implied that the same thing happened to Sora, but.. I’d just attributed that to him turning the Keyblade of heart on himself to free her, so it wouldn’t have happened to anyone else.”

This claim caused Aria to shake her head. “To my knowledge, the method is irrelevant; what matters is the intention. The more willingly a person opens their heart to the darkness, the more of their mind they keep when their heart is consumed, and they become a Heartless. I believe this is what happened with Ansem, though he actively sought after darkness so strongly that he retained a human appearance as well as mind. The emblem on his chest was the only way an onlooker could tell his true nature. When it comes to my original self, he was a Keyblade wielder, very similar to what I know of Sora, but… though he certainly did not willingly or deliberately let his heart be consumed, he was able to accept his fate in his final moments, and that is what allowed the Heartless formed at his demise - so, in other words, me - to retain some semblance of mind and self. Just.. not as much of it.”

“Oh. Yes, I think that makes more sense now. Thank you for the clarification.” said Ienzo. He was writing something furiously in a book that seemed to appear out of nowhere, then became startled when he realised his blunder. In an instant, he opened his mouth to ask something, but closed it with relief when Aria’s expression reassured him she did not mind him making notes about her.

It was Aqua’s turn to speak up now. “It’s so interesting to hear about this from you, Aria - but, I can’t say I’ve seen that kind of behaviour in any of the Heartless I’ve fought before. Had you noticed it at any point while we were in the realm of darkness?”

“Not that I can recall.” she replied. “It isn't exactly that common of an occurrence, considering most people’s disdain for the darkness. And, not only that, but..” She turned away from the other two here, and her next words came much more reluctantly again.

“Before I took over Ves, I remember feeling that I was losing myself - all I was driven by was this desire to be complete again, to be human again, but that was fading away over time. Then, when I found her, I didn’t necessarily feel more human, but what sense of humanity I did have was no longer fading away. So, if I hadn’t found her or someone like her in time, I probably would have lost my sense of self completely, and become just as mindless as most other Heartless are. It’s only thanks to the type of Heartless I became that I was even able to possess her in the first place, and.. I didn’t start to truly feel more like a person until I met other Keyblade wielders, and they interacted with me.”

“I see, I see.. So you’re saying that, in those Heartless that retain a sense of who they were before becoming Heartless, the remnants of normal heart behaviour - of humanity, if you will - have to be nurtured by others in order to be sustained, and will just be lost to the darkness if not actively encouraged?”

“Yes.”

Ienzo paused to finish hastily scribbling this knowledge down in his notebook, then lifted his head in realisation once he had had some time to think. “I think I might remember something of that from the old Organisation, actually.. Though, the memory is very hazy..”

To stop his mind from wandering as it wanted to, he returned to address the matter at hand.

“From what you’ve said, Aria, it does sound like you’d be able to make use of this replica - and you may well be the only one who could. I don’t think there’s any other solution here for you, and.. I say there’s no better way to find out than by experimenting. Give me a moment to get everything ready, and then we’ll be set to see if it works!”

Aria nodded, content with the proposal, but Aqua reached out to take her hand with a worried expression.

“Aria, are you sure you want to do this..?”

“Of course I am, Aqua. This is why I came here.” she replied. Then she hesitated again. “..Why, is there something wrong?”

“Well, no, it’s just-” Aqua took a moment to settle her whirling thoughts, holding both of Aria’s hands in her own now. “I don’t know what’s going to happen when I use my Keyblade on you. I don’t want to hurt you, or even destroy you. And, if something happened with the darkness infecting the replica, then..”

Aria couldn’t bring herself to meet Aqua’s gaze, but it was clear she appreciated the consideration, and did her best to reassure her love. “If I could leave of my own accord, I would have done so by now, but.. we’ve become too intertwined for me to do that myself. And Ves is not quite strong enough to drive me out from within - it’s enough of an effort for her to stay existing in the first place. So.. an outside force seems to be the only way to separate us. And there isn’t anyone I’d trust to wield that force, other than you.”

Despite herself, Aqua couldn’t help but smile at the last admission, and she felt her normal confidence returning. “..Alright then. If you’re sure about this, then.. I’m happy to be able to help.”

The two embraced for a moment, then there was a pause of silence as Aria took a few steps back to stand in the middle of the room. Once Ienzo had brought the replica out of its container, he carried it around to the other end of the laboratory, closer to the other two. Aqua summoned her Brightcrest Keyblade, then slowly raised its tip to be level with the X on Aria’s outfit. She took a deep breath, then pointed the Keyblade directly at her partner, echoing the movement used to open the paths to new worlds.

Aria instinctively flinched when a thin beam of bright light shot forward from the tip of Aqua’s Keyblade, striking her directly in the chest. She was then forced down into a kneel as an aura of pink-tinted darkness began to escape from her body. Her expression was grim, as if she was in pain, but Aqua caught sight of a hint of a smile before the darkness now emanating much more rapidly from her form started rising up to create something above her. It almost completely engulfed her body as if to pull it upwards too, seeming particularly concentrated around her head and wings, before disconnecting entirely to drop a drained figure to the floor. This left a dense collection of dark pink wisps, amalgamating in the air.

Ienzo was now well off to the side, looking rather alarmed, but his expression was replaced with complete surprise when the amorphous cluster of darkness coalesced, giving way to what looked like a floating mass of pink petals. Eventually, it turned around to reveal a large jagged mouth and piercing yellow eyes, staring with an expression he found difficult to interpret. The Heartless stayed floating in place for a moment, as if disoriented, then suddenly appeared to notice Aqua, staring at her curiously.

“Aria..?”

Her tentative call was clearly recognised by the flowering monster, which began to float cautiously towards her. She still had her Keyblade summoned, and her hand was trembling ever-so-slightly - whether with nervousness, uncertainty, or something else entirely, it was impossible to tell. Then, Ienzo stepped between the two and lifted up the replica body, hoping that Aria still remembered the plan.

“Here!”

It seemed the Heartless remained aware, as she moved forwards more purposefully after this, and collided directly with the empty vessel’s centre. A few petals scattered from the force, but it took only a few moments for the Heartless’ form to disappear entirely, appearing to be absorbed into the replica body. This caused another aura of darkness to manifest, enveloping the blank surface of the replica and making Ienzo recoil from the body - but it caught itself as it fell from his grasp to end up kneeling on all fours. A few more moments passed, as the darkness engulfed the entire body in a shell, before gradually dissipating after a few gold sparks were seen being forced out of the system.

The figure that stood up was slightly smaller than the replica had looked in the container, with catlike ears now poking upwards from a fluffy head of golden blonde hair. As she lifted her head, a cluster of cute freckles were seen scattered across her face, though in what Aqua thought was a slightly different arrangement than before. There were other little differences here and there, as well - the shape of her face, the way her hair fell at the back, how she stood dressed in the unfamiliar clothes from the replica in the middle of the silent laboratory.

But all of Aqua’s worries disappeared when the girl standing before her opened her eyes. Neither the bright, empty yellow of the lesser, mindless Heartless, nor a piercing orange like the seeker of darkness, nor even the harsh cold shade between the two that Aria’s eyes had been before, but a warm and resolute amber was the colour that met Aqua’s gaze, and regarded her with a renewed sense of gratitude and love.

“Aria!”

The Keyblade Master ran across the room towards her partner and nearly knocked her over with the energy of her emotions. Aria was nervous, but comfortably allowed herself to melt into Aqua’s embrace, now able to feel the connection between the pair even more strongly than before. Something felt so much more tangible about her presence now, and the relief coursing through her new body was enough to bring tears to her eyes.

“Aqua, it really worked..!” she smiled, speaking in a quiet voice filled with gratitude.

“I’m so glad you’re alright!” exclaimed Aqua, who also had a few tears in her eyes. “How do you feel? Is everything okay?”

“Yes, it’s all fine, I promise.” she asserted. “The replica’s darkness was not organised; it was just remnants that my presence has removed. I feel.. different, but in the best possible way. I could never have done this without you here with me - thank you, so much, for being here..”

She trailed off, still smiling at her partner, and another wonderful moment came and went. Then, a movement from behind Aqua caused Aria’s expression to take on a slightly fearful quality, and she turned her head to see what was happening. The cause of this movement was the figure left behind when Aqua set Aria free, who was slowly trying to get to her feet, her heart’s light flickering nervously. A bright green eye could be seen darting anxiously around the room from under her hair, but she was too weak to properly move, and quickly fell back to the ground again. Ienzo stepped in to support her, and his assistance was clearly welcomed as she was just about able to stand.

“Please take her somewhere she can recover.” Aria requested hurriedly. “After everything I put her through, she needs every opportunity she can to rest and adjust to being herself again..”

“Don’t worry. We have good facilities here.” Ienzo assured her. “Everything will be fine.”

This did little to ease Aria’s guilt, but the gesture was nevertheless appreciated. “Thank you, Ienzo.”

The scientist nodded, and then slowly helped the girl walk to the corridor. She appeared to be very shaken, and was glancing at everything with apprehension and unfamiliarity, but as she turned the corner of the corridor, she looked back at the couple still standing side-by-side, and met the eyes of both her saviour and her prison.

(For all that you have done to me, I know why you do not deserve forgiveness.

But, this is not the first time we have seen each other face-to-face since that day, thanks to that mirror you found in the darkness.

And ever since that moment, you have sought a way to free yourself from me. To let me live the life you once denied me. To break the hold that any other being you’d call your kind would do everything to strengthen.

You calculated the risks, but you still took them - the risk you would lose everything and the one person you cared for, for the sake of me getting to “get rid of you”.

So, who am I to judge a person - the person you have become - by the actions of the creature you once were..?)

A ghost of a smile flickered over her face, and the long-held vessel finally free again spoke of her own accord for the first time since the age of ancient fairytales.

“Thank you, Aria..”

#a call from the void #creations from the void #kingdom hearts selfshipping #this post is okay to reblog!#sapphicseptember2021 #selfship #selfshipping #love: wayfinding waters (aqua)#selfship: survivors of the dark (aqua/aria)#self‑insert: darkness' champion (aria)#and also featuring #self‑insert: ruby in the light (ves)#read the post carefully before opening the readmore please #or opening the document (which is how I recommend reading this one)#I have spent a long time trying to write this piece #i am proud of it

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freddiekluger · 3 years

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I am all ears for your season 3 cap's big gay awakening ideas 👀👀

alright, you asked so sit down and strap in

before we get started- a few details are recycled/repurposed from earlier headcanons/ask answers (characterisation is like that), and i came up with all this a couple weeks back, so any overlap with other peoples suggestions is totally unintentional! i’ve just been finding the energy to properly write them up as originally i riffed them with a friend late at night lmao

the captain: homo evolution

introduction (scroll down if you’re not bothered for the hardcore analysis/logic)

this isn’t necessarily what i think WILL happen as much as how i would do it. over the past two seasons of Ghosts, we’ve seen the captain’s main character arc being centred around him loosening up, from learning to value mike, alison, and the other ghosts more as equals than soldiers/means to an end to the season 2 finale, where cap is not only expressing an interest in flowers and fashion (distinctly un-soldierly pursuits) but joining the party and other men (the direct opposite of About Last Night, in which cap bah humbugs partying/’gay abandon’ and is left speechless by the mere presence of a mostly naked man). that being said, the captain is still the captain: his character is still centred around this need for rules and structure and he still finds his identity in the archetypal WW2 military man- all of his incremental moves towards a more ‘modern’ perspective have ultimately been made possible because, like Ben said on twitter, the captain isn’t CONSCIOUSLY aware that he’s gay. he has the underlying feeling that he’s different, he knows of his tendency to attach himself to specific men and form incredibly close bonds (and, as demonstrated by his attempts to hide them, is at least somewhat aware that that’s not the norm), but in his mind he��s written that off as merely “not being a ladies man”.

the captain is from the 1940s- it’s one thing for him to see and be supportive of a same-gender wedding in present day England where gay=legal unions, marketed doritos, and homophobia being still present but generally frowned upon, and another thing entirely for him to have to apply it to himself. we’ve already seen that the captain appears to be stuck in the past more than any of the other ghosts (”the war is over!” “is it, alison? is it?”- he also references the past more frequently than most of the others), and in his past sodomite gay=punishable by imprisonment and chemical castration, back alley hookups, and the constant threat of blackmail and violence. obviously, despite all this, there was a vibrant underground queer history taking place in England during this time & not all of the above is accurate, but it’s what cap would have seen, and the England of the early 20th century is denoted as being a particularly brutal period for lgbtq+ folks (the destruction of the first world war exacerbated rage and frustration, and lgbtq+ people weren’t the only gorup to end up on the receiving end of that, but i digress). this is basiclly just a really long way of me saying that the captain compartmentalising to that degree was, and to some extent is, a survival mechanism. confronting his homoseuxality means confronting what it means for a 1940s man to be a dreaded homosexual, and all of that directly conflicts with the image of ‘the Captain’ he’s built in his mind.

we’ve seen this in Redding Weddy, where the captain is aware that Havers means/meant more to him than was normal for a captain/2ic relationship (he does attempts to hide his affection- “i shall miss you, Havers. by which of course i mean we shall miss you “he left me, i mean he left for the front”), but is never able to fully verbalise WHY, and it only takes a series of increasingly dramatic prompts before he will even mention the idea of Havers, let alone begin to articulate their relationship.

all this just goes to prove that for the captain to properly ‘come out’, there needs to be an external inciting incident- he could easily have gone on shadowing attractive men whenever they visit and avoiding interrogating those feelings for another seventy years if Button house remained without alison and mike.

while at least julian, pat, and robin have noticed that the cap is not the most heteroseual of men (they’re the only ghosts who have visibly reacted when cap says gay shit), they all appear to have decided to just not mention it, which makes alison and mike our wildcards. not only has alison’s ability to see and communicate with the ghosts already connected them more to the modern world than they ever have been, alison, and mike by extension, has a personal stake in the wellbeing/general growth of the ghosts. happy ghosts=happy house, and like it or not some of them are even beginning to become friends. [i probably didn’t need to write all this like explaining my decisions, but i think figuring out the motivations behind everyon just develops the flavour and lets us have a sexy and accurate headcanon]

so,

the episode

while the captain might not consciously know he’s a fruit (derogatory), he is well and truly terrible at concealing the thirst (it’s not his fault things just keep slipping out!)- i love the idea of just having a supercut near the beginning of the episode that just shows that the captain has gotten even GAYER since last season, with slip ups becoming almost a daily occurence, but it’s getting to the point where it’s actually becoming a serious hazard. last week, he was supposed to be looking out for alison while attempted to put up blinds, but one of mike’s friends (who was over ‘helping out’, which mostly meant eating chips and covering himself in paint) walked through the room with his shirt off and paint handprints on the seat of his shorts, distracting the captain from realising that alison’s stepladder was about to give way.

with the increased presence of non elderly men in the house (the previous owner wasn’t exactly the life of the party) the captain is getting gayer and gayer, but he’s also becoming more and more defensive, while his brisk demeanour and need for control regresses to much more of a season 1 state (a subconscious attempt to regain control as things get close to spilling over). it’s not the first time his repression has almost slipped, he spent much of his life surrounded by soldiers after all, but with no war and no corporeal body he’s got almost nothing to distract himself from it. needless to say, between the safety hazards and the almost agressive defensiveness which derails any interaction, something needs to be done about the captain.

throughout the week, alison tries to find the opportune time to talk to the captain about what’s going on with him for everyone’s sake, but cap keeps masterfully evading any ‘deep’ talk with willful misunderstanding or just straight up dismissal (which at times gets a bit rude), and alison really doesn’t have the time- her and mike are caught up with managing the first official room redecoration and butting heads with a passive agressive delivery driver. insert general shenangigans, but at some point the captain’s whole “accidentally sabotage something by being distracted and then attack anyone who dares even look at him the wrong way afterwards” act causes alison to exasperatedly blurt out “we all know you’re gay! we get it! you like men! you can drop the act!”. there’s no malice or anything but, as we know, when alison gets run ragged things don’t tend to come out quite right.

everything falls silent (and mike is vaguely confused), and the captain just looks like a deer in headlights. as alison catches her breath, pat pipes up with a “it’s alright, cap, we don’t mind- now we can focus on the task at hand”. the captain sort of regains his composure and once again attempts to brush them all off with a scoff and a “i haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about. if any of us is distracted, i-it’s... kitty!” but it’s easy to tell he looks rattled. most of his words don’t come out right, and after trying to blame kitty for their failures (she just had the unfortunate luck of being in his line of sight), he ends up doing an awkward little walk away which quickly turns into a full on sprint. mike, having finished processing alison yelling about gay shit to the air and kind of pieced together what must have happened awkwardly chimes in with “it’s okay to be gay!”- alison just pats him on the back (”yeah no he’s gone, mike.” “gone?” “sprinted away.” “huh”)

the episode continues with the captain flat out avoiding alison and the other ghosts to an almost funny extent as the other plots continue. it takes a bit for alison to realise why the captain reacted so badly (in fact, it’s actually mike who remembers that he’s 1940s ghost- “he’s probably just scared and taking it out on everyone else”). while thomas and julian vote for leaving the captain be so they can have some peace and quiet, fanny/pat/alison/robin decide someone needs to talk to him (fanny surprised everyone but after all, she got murdered because her husband had to live in secrecy- if talking to the captain will avert any further crises, she’s happy to make sure someone else does it for her). kitty’s still upset about being singled out, but she knows better than anyone that sometimes all you need is a friend- cue realisation no. 2.

with the captain avoiding everyone, sending in a regular emissary isn’t going to work. they need to find the least threatening person possible, with no agenda or history other than being there to help (a friend, if you will)- cue everyone looking at mike.

a quick offscreen briefing later, we see mike wandering out to the field where the captain has exiled himself- remember that up until this point, the captain was still in conscious denial about his sexuality, so being forced to confront it head on (and finding out that apparently everyone ‘knew’, which for cap would feel like an intimate invasion of privacy/forced vulnerability) would rattle him to the point of self-exile- he might not be able to run from his sexuality, but he can run from people. the thing is, mike can’t see or hear the ghosts, which means the captain can’t be frightened off by any expectations (mike actually talks to/at cap while facing completely the wrong direction, but consdiering the above point, this works rather well).

the captain was alternating between pacing, fiddling with his swagger stick, and sitting, but he unconsciously stands to attention as mike wanders over. he’s used to mike not being able to see them, so mike asking to sit down takes him by surprise, disrupting his instinct to flee again.

mike begins a little awkwardly (”mind if i sit?” *silence* “...i’m just gonna assume that’s a no. or is it a yes? yeah anyways i’m just gonna sit. so... heard you’ve been going through a rough patch”), and the captain almost scoffs and wanders off, but something about the clumsy earnestness in mike’s voice, the captain’s vulnerable state, and the fact that it’s been so long since cap has had anyone actually check in on him, that he stays put. he keeps standing and staring away from button house, and mike keeps speaking to the empty air to his left, and alison and the ghosts stay hidden behind their bush a few metres away, but at least the captain is listening. for the first time in weeks, he’s not on the offensive.

“i can’t actually see or hear you, so i’m just gonna talk and assume you’re listening. alison mentioned you have a habit of running away but, um, maybe don’t do that please?”

“my mate daniel's gay. uh, homosexual, you’d probably say- did you have gay when you were alive? did it just mean happy? anyway, he didn’t come out- that means tell people- until he left high school. we all kind of guessed it, the other kids at school gave him a real tough time for it, but he just squashed it down. couldn’t imagine that all the things people were shouting at him were true, so he ignored it. he’s doing good now though. got married to his husband last year, currently runs a bookshop. so that’s nice.”

it goes quiet for a bit. the captain hasn’t moved, and we’re still only seeing shots of him from the back, but there’s a little less tension in his stance than there was before. mike clears his throat before continuing.

“i’m guessing you’re probably pretty scared right now. i would be- i mean not that you should be, you shouldn’t, but coming from your... situation, i’m guessing it’d be hard. no one’s saying you have to be anything you’re not ready to be, but lots of things that are scary are actually not bad. airplanes, skydiving, clowns- well, not the clown from that movie, but he gives clowns a bad rep- i’m sure there are plenty of lovely clowns out in the world. still give me the creeps though.” the captain makes a captain-y noise of assent about the clown comment- he never liked them either.

mike glances over to the bush where alison and the ghosts were attempting to listen in (they could only catch every few words- mary got particularly concerned about why mike had referenced clowns), and the captain still hasn’t run away, so alison motions for mike to keep going. he starts telling the captain a story from his uni days. it’s got nothing to do with the captain, or being gay, or self-acceptance, or anything like that- it’s just a standard tale of comedic but inventive problem solving. the captain sits himself down next to mike (to his right, avoiding mike’s gaze, and still staring away from button house), muttering that his legs are getting a bit tired. he sits there for a while, and mike just talks. sometimes he circles back to the gay thing, sometimes he just asks the captain questions, before remembering that he can’t actually hear any answer, but then he keeps asking anyway, thinking that cap might need to talk. he doesn’t at first, but slowly he offers up a word or two. and then a sentence, and then maybe more- mike will accidentally cut the captain off, or leave the silence to long, but the captain doesn’t mind (it’s a nice reminder that nothing he says will actually go on to have consequence). at one point, mike gets out his phone to show the captain photos of his mate daniel and daniel's husband, not just their wedding day but casual photos- couples drinks with him and alison, dinners at each other's places, the bookshop.

alison and the other ghosts have long gone, and the sun is just about to sink below the horizon by the time the captain stands himself back up with the traditional knee crack and grunt. he looks at mike and nods, giving him a simple thank you before turning to walk (not run) back to button house, head held slightly higher and looking more relaxed than he’s been all episode. the captain has still got a lot to figure out, but at least it’s a start.

[i love the dramatic ending but the implication is that alison has to go and fetch mike bc he has no ideas cap has left and is prepared to keep going lol- also by no means is cap suddenly going to ditch his characterisation and become a yas kween gay right away, i didn’t go into the aftermath bc this is alreayd fucking LONG but let me know if you want follow up????}

EDIT: i've rbed this with the follow up/part 2 attached!

EDIT 2, much later: switched out mike's reference to his 'younger brother' to a school friend, since the christmas special confirmed mike only has sisters and we're all about accuracy here

#bbc ghosts #ghosts bbc #the captain #ben willbond #bbc ghosts captain #bbc ghosts headcanon #ghosts headcanon #lgbt #lgbtq #gay #mlm

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salty-ironstrange-shipper · 3 years

Note

Could you maybe post a long-ass list of good ironstrange fics because at this point, there's nothing else to do and you seem like you have great taste

puppets on a string

Summary: Stephen Strange is a villain. But a hot one.

Words: 103,206 (incomplete)

This fic is courtesy of our very own @funkylittlebidiot, so definitely give it a read!

Find a Way (to break the fall)

Summary: Stephen didn't think about it anymore. It had been buried deep beneath all the other shit he'd had to live through in the last couple of years and it didn't impact his day to day life in any way whatsoever. Until the day it does.

Words: 2,170

This one is short, but emotional and impactful. Warning for discussions of past rape/non-con.

The Brands We Carry

Summary: Tony Stark is almost thirteen years old when he gets ready to settle down to bed one early-early-morning and happens to look in the mirror on his childhood wall and catches sight of a circular brand on the skin above his heart.

“About fucking time,” Tony mutters, and goes to sleep without bothering to tell anybody he just cussed out a baby that’s only just crying its way into its new life somewhere on the planet.

The date is February 17, 1983. Happy birthday, whoever you are. Took you long enough.

Or: Tony Stark and Stephen Strange are soulmates. You'd think that would mean they would be perfect for each other right from the start, but it turns out that their soulbond is a long path of mutual distrust, dislike, and miscommunication. Just their luck.

Words: 10,497

I love a good soulmate au, and this is a good soulmate au. Very interesting look at both characters and also what happens if someone’s soulmate has a not insignificant age gap (though they only meet in person for the first time as adults)

A Crown of Thorn and Shadows

Summary: Anthony Stark, King of Blood and Darkness, ruler of the Unseelie court, did not expect to find Prince Stephen Strange of the Seelie chained up in his torture chamber, cold iron being driven into his hands. Stephen Strange, a Seelie healer, never dreamed of finding himself in the court of nightmares, being cared for by the king that the Seelie called a monster. They must work together to find the traitors in two Faerie courts that have not spoken in over six hundred years and reclaim Stephen's memories before the courts descend into war once more.

Words: 58,465

Wonderful fantasy au, great worldbuilding and relationship buildup. Lots of fun.

Villain Stephen Strange and His Obsession with Tony Stark

Summary: Just a bunch of prompty oneshots that are partially based but 100% inspired by Tumblr IronStrange Posts. Rated T-M

Words: 1,029

Do I even have to explain it? This is just fun.

Ten times outta nine, I’m a hand grenade

Summary: Though neither remembered that night, it turns out that Tony Stark and Stephen Strange had first encountered each other years earlier. Unfortunately, that might end up destroying the universe.

Words: 419,141

This is a loooooooooong boi. But oh, it’s a good one. Stephen and Tony basically go back in time, change the universe, and fall in love. It’s everything you could want from them. Complete with romance, angst, drama, and humor.

Where Severus Snape is hot, not a stalker, and somehow gets the girl

Summary: And then, as if he wasn’t already the most embarrassing estranged biological dad ever, Tony stopped in his tracks, raised his sunglasses (because of course he would wear sunglasses inside a lecture hall in April), and gave Professor Strange the most blatant, sustained once-over in the history of fuckboyness.

Then he put down his glasses, shot a winning smile at the teacher, and said, “Well, I’m Tony Stark, of course.”Or: Peter Parker is sick and wants to cut his Neuroscience class. Tony just wants to help (and maybe date his son's hot teacher). Stephen Strange just wants to give his lecture in peace.

Words: 2,387

Stephen is a college professor. Peter is his student. Tony is having too much fun with this.

You Remind Me of a Man

Summary: Tony Stark cannot stand the overly opinionated and egotistical Dr. Strange and the feeling is extremely mutual.

Words: 44,788

Perfect no-powers au for them. They’re assholes who fall in love and see another side to each other. It’s amazing, 10/10 would recommend.

I am here

Summary: There’s a technical reason Stephen must surrender the Time Stone to save Tony’s life. It has to be done, and that’s enough for him to do it. But just in case, the universe decides to give him a personal reason as well.

Words: 11,708

This one is so soft. Basically, while looking through time, Stephen keeps showing up in the past at various points throughout Tony’s life. And then they fall in love! Good for them.

T For Tony

Summary: Your soul mark is the first letter of your soulmate's name. Stephen has an 'A'. But he's in love with Tony. Cue anxiety, jealousy, angst.

Words: 2,794

They’re so stupid in this fic. It’s great. It took them so much effort to remember Anthony starts with an A. (I still think this fic should’ve been titled A For Tony, but I didn’t write it, so)

something taken, something new

Summary: The ChronicConnection implement and app allows a person that lives with chronic or illness-induced pain to transfer their burden temporarily to a willing loved one. Tony and Stephen sign up as beta testers.

Words: 14,541.

I must’ve recced this a thousand times ..... AND I’LL DO IT AGAIN. THIS FIC IS THE PERFECT MIXTURE OF SOFT AND ANGST AND IF YOU DON’T READ IT, YOU’RE WRONG.

15 Million

Summary: For every alternate reality there were ten thousand alternate realities from that. And from those ten thousand more. And then ten thousand more off each of those. And so it goes.

The Avengers win once. There’s ten thousand versions of it.

Stephen Strange doesn’t know what to make of the fact that Tony Stark seems to be *his* victory.

Words: 2,755

Obligatory “Stephen looks through 15 million possible futures and falls in love with Tony in the process fic”. Can’t have a fic rec list without it.

Hero Swap AU

Summary: It's a boring day for the Avengers until Tony Stark attacks.

Words: 17,391.

Just pure, fun crack.

Only a Matter of Time

Summary: Captured by aliens, mistaken for a mating pair, Tony and Stephen find themselves having the universe’s most awkward honeymoon.

Words: 6,056.

Smut. Good smut, though.

Sunrise in Exile

Summary: Tony does the math and realizes their best chance to save the universe is by... not confronting Thanos on his own turf.

So he steals a wizard and a spider and a space ship. And he runs.

(Three humans and an A.I in space, the alien friendships they make along the way, and discovering how science and magic might coexist in a universe where they can be one and the same.)

Words: 352,079 (incomplete, has not been updated in a while)

A long fic set during Infinity War where they just ... run away to space. And it’s great.

Rewriting Icarus

Summary: Stephen and Tony, from the beginning to the end and beyond.

Words: 23,504

Pre-powers AU, except they fall in love then get powers. Sad, angsty, beautiful.

variations on a theme

Summary: Stephen sees into millions of possibilities and finds only one where they win, but he never expected to end up falling in love with Tony Stark in almost every single one of them.

Words: 5,134

Another Stephen looks through the possible futures and falls in love with Tony? ... Guess you can’t have just one.

Five’s A Party

Summary: It's an orgy fic, I'm not sure what else to say

Words: 2,639

... Not much I can add to that. Magic smut.

A Lapse in Judgement

Summary: Stephen, the newly minted Sorcerer Supreme, is strong, powerful, and in control of his life in every micromanaged detail, because failure to do so could result in (another) cataclysmic event within the universe. He is. But then Stephen accepts an off-handed offer to spar from Tony Stark – a man who is Stephen’s non-magical equal, a man who Stephen barely sees outside of bi-weekly meetings and the few and far between fight against a villain – and Stark discovers Stephen’s biggest weakness, his most hateful secret that is a deeply fundamental part of Stephen’s psyche.

Except instead of judgement, and horror, and disgust, Stark meets him halfway, and a lapse in judgement turns into a possibility that could change their lives forever.

Words: 22,694

This is the first of a series which was just updated (haven’t finished reading the new part yet, looking forward to it) and is just a really good, surprisingly soft and emotional BDSM series/fic.

Ironstrange Fics and Ironstrange Cinematic Universe

Oh, how did these get here?

Yes, I’m reccing my own work. I’ve written 29 fics and 377,132 words for this ship, I think I’m entitled.

Ironstrange Fics is a collection of every ironstrange fic I’ve written, short, long, sweet, angst, and everything in between. Ironstrange Cinematic Universe (itself responsible for 49% of those 377k words) is my ironstrange rewrite of the MCU specifically. Please read, enjoy, and leave comments, I’m not updating any fics for a couple of weeks and I need the validation.

#long post #very long post #asks #incorrect-ironstrange #ironstrange #fic recs #fanfiction #ironstrange fanfiction #my fanfiction #Anonymous

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