Traitor (Reader x Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson)
Word Count: 4,500+
Warning(s): No actual cheating but Rafi definitely isn’t going to win the #1 bf award with you; angst, :(
Author’s Note: I’m not a Barson stan (I’m strictly a Benson/Tucker shipper and every Raúl character is shipped with me thx) but since Barson is a popular ship, when I listened to the Olivia Rodrigo album (we love being sad and mad, queen!!) and heard Traitor, it highkey made me think of Barson. Also, it started out being inspired by the first verse and I was like "I'll do the whole song!" but this was sooo long and kind of veered off in a different direction at the end so idk. Maybe a continuation some time?
Brown guilty eyes and little white lies
Yeah, I played dumb but I always knew
That you'd talk to her, maybe did even worse
I kept quiet so I could keep you
Olivia Benson always seemed to have a glassy look in her eyes. If she was sad, angry, happy - her eyes would gloss over and she would seem to be just one simple word away from having tears slip down her cheeks and her body rock with sobs. But that special thing about Olivia Benson was that she was strong. No matter how sad, angry, or happy she got, Olivia wouldn’t break down. It was a blessing and a curse. She could help each victim through their investigations and trials with such vigor that her passion alone could make the defendants want to make a plea deal right then and there, but Olivia didn’t know when it was the right time for her to take that moment for herself and breathe.
That was until A.D.A. Rafael Barba made a place for himself in her world. Olivia was ecstatic to have another powerful being added to her small army of justice seekers. Seeing Rafael strut around the courtroom with his quick wit and an equally quick mouth made Olivia swell with admiration and respect towards the Cuban man. Even after his first case that he worked on with SVU, Olivia knew that Rafael was a man who could be trusted, not just as a fellow colleague, but as a friend.
You and Rafael had started dating around the time that he started working with Special Victims. When Rafael first told you of his new job months ago, you were obviously happy for him. Getting justice to those who needed it the most made you feel proud of your boyfriend. You both knew how hard these cases would be to prosecute but you knew your boyfriend. He was too smart for his own good and would certainly work himself into an early grave but his job was all for a greater good.
Over the course of a year, you saw your boyfriend transform into an even stronger attorney. But something inside of him changed. He definitely had a fire lit within him but he was also sad. A part of him knew that after he closed one case with a successful guilty verdict and handed the victim a full plate of justice for their trauma, dozens of more cases would be slapped onto his desk by his assistant before he could even get down the courthouse steps. Constantly seeing victims come forward with their traumas - physically, mentally, and emotionally - was hard not just for Rafael, but for the rest of the SVU team.
You would try your best to help him deal with his pain. You never knew about all the gory details because Rafael would never disclose them to you. He wanted to keep you safe. He didn’t want you to become jaded like he would soon be with each new case that would introduce him to just how disgusting and horrible people could be. And the fact that they were walking around the same planet, let alone the same streets as you and him - it made his blood boil and his mouth filled with a foul taste.
You would bring him a fresh cup of coffee. Or make a favorite meal with the recipe that you got from his mother. You would hug him and kiss him. You would listen to him voice his thoughts - even if they weren’t one hundred percent honest. When you confronted him about it, he paused, grabbed your hands, and said, “Thank you for worrying, mi amor.” You blinked. “I’ve been talking about it with some... colleagues, though. I think it’s been helping.” He pressed his lips to your forehead before asking you what you wanted for dinner that night. You gave a small nod when he suggested Mexican.
Over the next few weeks, you noticed Rafael become happier. While he was still jaded to a point, he was always seemingly reminded how there were people out there who would try to be their best like their own life depended on it. Like the only reason they existed on the Earth was to remind people that they could be better whilst also being given compassion.
If Rafael was asked about who he admired the most, he would certainly have to pause. He would need to know the overall context. He admired his mother and Abuela dearly. Those two women raised him to be the strong and headstrong man that he was today. He would consider his childhood best friend, Alejandro Muñoz. Alex was a boy who had charisma, drive, and showed kindness to Rafael when no other boys would. Even his own mother adored Alex. The last person he would consider for his admiration would be Olivia Benson. Ever since he met her, she was the poster child for what SVU stood for. If Rafael had been a mad scientist, he would have copied Olivia thousands of times and sent the army into the streets of New York. Rafael would be sure that crime would disappear overnight and the world would find peace.
But he couldn’t do that.
And so instead, he became friends with Olivia. The two would spend more and more time together. Whenever his office door would be pushed open without Rafael’s permission, he was always ready to bark and bare his teeth to whoever tried to interrupt his work, but all of that would be swallowed down when Olivia walked in. She would either have a sad smile on her face from having to give Barba a new case or it would be scowling and bubbling with anger because she had just gotten bad news about a current case.
Rafael didn’t like either of those looks. But he did enjoy what came out of it - conversation. Olivia and Rafael had gotten into the habit of talking with each other. Things seemed to flow so easily between them. After a particularly horrid case that involved children who were scarred for life because of some rotten man who betrayed their trust - Rafael hadn’t gone to you to talk about it. He knew he should have. Hours after the guilty verdict was won, Rafael had found himself in a cab and told the driver to head over to the precinct. He made his way through the eerily quiet police station.
The bullpen was empty. Amanda had gone home to her daughter. Fin had a dinner reservation with his son and son’s fiancee. Nick had the weekend off for a short trip to D.C. to see his daughter who lived with his ex-wife. Carisi was probably in one of his night classes. And the light on in Olivia’s office would tell Rafael that she was still here. Before he reached the door, his phone vibrated in his pocket. He dug for it and the screen lit up with a text message.
Rafael’s tongue flickered over his lips. His thumb hovered over the keyboard, mind reeling.
When the text was sent, the door to Olivia’s office opened. Rafael’s gaze flickered up as his fingers fumbled to lock his phone as it let out a quick buzz. You had texted back but Rafael didn’t read it. He eventually made his way home hours later.
It was late. You were already asleep in your shared bed. Rafael’s heart was thrumming so loud in his chest that he thought it would wake you up. He felt a thickness in his throat. He thought he was going to throw up. Stepping out into the living room, he fell back onto the couch with tears in his eyes. He ran his hands over his face. His fingers struggled to loosen the tie around his neck. He felt claustrophobic. He felt hot. Pushing his suit jacket off, he blinked quickly. His vision was getting blurry. He tossed his jacket onto the coffee table as his fingers went to his tie again but they didn’t reach their destination.
His jacket made a louder thud than normal. Taking a shaky breath, he reached for it and grabbed his phone. His vision blurred again as his screen lit up with two texts.
Thank you for tonight, Rafa.
That was from Olivia.
The tears finally slipped down his face when he read the second text that was from you.
Don’t work too hard. I love you, Rafi.
Rafael slept on the couch that night. When you found him the next morning, you were confused and worried. Practically jumping from the couch from his weak slumber, his lips pushed against yours, hard. His hands held your face in a vice and when his lips weren’t kissing yours, they were mumbling “I love you.”
You didn’t know why, but you felt sick.
You had only met the SVU team a few times. They were quite a memorable bunch. Each detective had their own quirks. You found that Amanda and Fin shared the habit of gossiping. The two of them had come up to you numerous times - whether when you visited the precinct or met at Forlini’s after a long day of work - and asked you about any dirty secrets about the very private A.D.A. Despite their nagging, you found them to be friendly and funny.
Nick seemed to be brooding whenever you saw him. And from the information that was given to you from Amanda, you understood why. That man seemed to never catch a break. But he was still polite. He bristled whenever Rafael’s name was brought up and you could put it together that the two Latino men have gone head to head more than once.
Sonny was maybe your favorite. He was a charismatic Italian man with an accent that took some getting used to and he was so eager to learn new things. He told you about his night school classes and how he wanted to be a lawyer. One time at Forlini’s when you were both grabbing some refills at the bar, he had quietly asked you, “I don’t uh, wanna sound weird or anything-” he peeked over his shoulder, before leaning closer to you, “but uh, what does Bahr-bah like? Like, I know he likes coffee and stuff, but whenever I try to be nice to him... He just-” Sonny’s cheeks started to get pink. Probably more than they normally would since he had a few drinks already. “I’m studying to be a lawyer and he’s really good, you know. Couldn’t hurt to get on his good side.”
You awed at the man, pinching one of his cheeks before telling him of Rafael’s favorite brand of bourbon. You warned him of the price but with the holidays coming up, maybe it wouldn’t be looked at as something too outrageous to get. Sonny gave you a hard nod and you could tell he was trying to lock that information in his intoxicated brain.
When you met Olivia, it was… weird.
While you had met the rest of the SVU team here and there, you met Olivia late one night. Rafael had texted you earlier that evening. Working late, love. He had texted you a variation of that message every day that week. You barely saw him in the mornings when the two of you did the early morning dance of getting ready for your jobs. A quick peck on the lips would be the only physical contact you would have until the next morning since you were typically asleep by the time he came home.
But it was a Friday. You were hoping he would come home at a reasonable time with the weekend coming up. Wanting to do something for your boyfriend, you made dinner and packed up a portion for you and a portion for him, and left your shared apartment hoping to distract your hard-working boyfriend for a little while.
The night air was chilly and 1 Hogan Place was practically empty. You passed a security guard, flashing him a smile and your reasoning for being there so late. His brows knitted up, grunting out, “I don’t think anyone here’s ma’am.” But he let you head over to Rafael’s office without much of a fight.
The hallways were empty and the offices you passed were dark. You could hear the faint sound of a machine of some sort that was down another hallway. A janitor was waxing the floors of the immaculate building. When you finally reached the familiar outcove of Rafael’s office, you saw Carmen’s desk. Papers, sticky notes, and Rafael’s schedule were plastered all over her desk. A button flashed on the phone, ready to let her know that there was a plethora of messages to listen to when she clocked in the next morning.
When you stepped over to Rafael’s office, the door was shut, which wasn’t unusual. But it was dark. Your brows furrowed, adjusting the tote bag that held your freshly cooked meal on your shoulder. Your hand grabbed the handle and tried to turn it.
Your lips twisted as you tried to think. You grabbed your phone from your pocket, opening up the thread of messages between you and Rafael. You read his last message for a long time. He’s working late. So where is he? You gave the knob another try as if it would magically open but nothing. You even rapped your knuckle against the wood, the hoarse whisper of Rafael’s name filled the small room.
You took a step back from the door, finger shakily finding Rafael’s contact. The line trilled loudly and your mind was filled with awful thoughts. “Please,” You begged down the phone, “Rafi, please-” The trilling stopped and you took a breath.
“You’ve reached Rafael Barba. Please leave your name, number, and message. My office number is-” You ended the call. You felt like you couldn’t breathe. Your head felt dizzy and the tote bag on your shoulder felt like it was a thousand pounds. It slid off your shoulder and your hand gripped the straps hard as it knocked against your leg, inches above the carpeted floor.
Your other hand redialed Rafael. When you listened to his voicemail for the fifth time, your eyes were watery and you could barely see what was around you in the dimly lit room. Your feet were guiding you through the building, and past the security guard with speed. The guard looked up at you briefly as you flew by him before going back to his phone.
You didn’t know what to do. Do you call the police? Do you keep trying his cell? The New York streets were dark and you knew that you shouldn’t be out and about. Especially on the verge of tears. After listening to Rafael’s voicemail for another time, you searched your contacts as best as you could. The words on your phone were blurred and you squeezed your eyes shut to stop it. When you opened them again with a sniffle of your nose, you found Amanda’s contact.
She answered on the fourth trill, “Hello?” She paused like she was seeing who was calling her. When she saw your name, she put the phone back to her ear and said your name, confused. You had never called Amanda before.
You tried your best to steady your voice, “I don’t know where he is.”
You sniffled again, “Rafael-” A tremble rocked through your body as you watched a cab pass by. “I-I don’t know where he is. H-he’s not answering his phone. He’s not at his office. Amanda-” A tear slipped down your cheek and you wiped it away harshly.
Amanda took in a breath. “Alright,” There was a rustling over the phone like she was moving around her apartment. “Calm down, okay? Where are you?” You heard the clunk of shoes and the jingle of keys. You told her that you were outside of Hogan Place. “Okay, get to the precinct. Text me when you get there. I’ll call everyone else and we’ll meet you there, okay?” Amanda’s voice was stern but even you in your almost blubbering state could hear the tremble of uncertainty. Amanda knew Barba enough to know that him not answering his phone was out of character.
You nodded at her words before assuring her in words. She hung up with a click and you adjusted the tote bag onto your other shoulder, needing to give your right arm a break. Your coat sleeve was brought up to your cheeks, trying to soak up the wetness that trailed down your face. Hoping you didn’t look too scary or vulnerable, you hailed down a cab and told him to bring you over to the 16th precinct.
The precinct was only slightly more alive with life than Hogan Place. You exited the elevator onto the floor where Special Victims was with your stomach in knots. You made your way to the bullpen, passing some cops who were stuck with the night shift. You found Amanda’s desk which was marked with the various pictures of Jesse and slumped the tote of cold food onto the desk. Now free of the dead weight, your hands went to cover your eyes as you tried to steady your breathing.
You had sent Rafael a handful of texts in the cab ride over.
Raf, please pick up.
Hello?? Are you ok??
Call me, please.
I can’t have anything happen to you.
Your hands dropped from your face and your body perked when you heard something… a laugh? You blinked a few times, needing to adjust to the lights in the bullpen. You took in the room, glancing at all the desks of the detectives until your eye caught the sliver of light coming from behind a door. Your eyes drifted up the wood. A small window was in the middle of the door, a small curtain drawn. Then, you saw the plaque above it.
Captain Olivia Benson.
Your chest heaved when you read it. She can help! A thankful smile graced your lips as you ran over the door. Your hand twisted the handle with lightning speed and you pushed the door open with your whole body. You didn’t care if it would be looked at as rude. The only thing on your mind was finding Rafael. And even though you haven’t met Olivia yet, Rafael had mentioned more than enough times that she was a good cop.
You practically fell into the room, your gaze landing on the wide-eyed brunette who was sitting at her desk. “I-I’m so sorry,” Your lips were moving fast, “I-I need help finding my boyfr-”
You cut yourself off. A noise of disbelief bubbled from your throat. Your hand still gripped the handle of the door and you thought you were going to rip the entire slab of wood off the hinges. You blinked rapidly, trying to see if the scene in front of you was some hallucination. Like some weird, absurd dream. Or a nightmare. Would this be considered a nightmare?
In the office that you barged into, sat Olivia Benson at her desk. Her hair was down, her eyes were wide and worried. She didn’t know who you were. She immediately thought of you as a woman who needed to report an assault or worse, a rape. But when she heard you start to explain your reasoning being there - before you cut yourself off - she was still worried and would help. She was just relieved. The team had just closed a rough case involving multiple rapes on the West Side. Having a softball of a case would be preferred, even if it wasn’t a sex crime. Olivia had on a form-fitting t-shirt. Her blazer was hung on the back of her chair. In front of her was a few white boxes of Chinese takeout. She had dropped one of her chopsticks onto her desk when you had barged in.
But Olivia wasn’t what you were looking at.
In the chair sitting on the other side of her desk was Rafael Barba. When you first came into the office, his back was to you and he was slurping on a noodle. His chest struggled for air as he choked on his food. When he turned to face the intruder of his late night dinner with Olivia, his jaw dropped.
His eyes flickered over your appearance. Your jacket was pulled tightly against your body to keep you warm from the chilly New York night. Your eyes were red and swollen. Your cheeks glistened in the light of the office. He could see the invisible trails your tears had carved out on your face. He tossed the white carton he was holding onto Olivia’s desk without care to where or how it landed and stood up quickly, wiping his mouth from the grease of the noodles.
“Cariño,” He whispered as his head filled with the same thoughts Olivia had moments ago. Why were you here? What happened to you? Did you get raped? He stepped towards you, arms outstretched to grab you and pull you into a hug but you took a swift step back. His brows furrowed as he watched you. After saying your name and taking another step, you kept the distance between you two.
Your brain felt empty. Walking in on this late night work session had absolutely wiped your mind. You stood in your spot as Rafael watched you cautiously and Olivia stood up from her seat. She didn’t say anything. She just watched. As your whole being rebooted itself, your gaze looked anywhere other than Rafael and Olivia.
You took in the decorated office. Shelves with books. File cabinets were in the corner, filled with cases that went all the way back to the ’90s. There was a small couch against one of the walls. You saw pictures on the wall - some of Olivia, some of nameless people, some of a small boy. You didn’t look at Rafael until he said your name again. It was stern. He wanted to know what the hell happened to you.
His green eyes locked with you and for the first time, you hated to look at them. Your bottom lip was sucked into your mouth and you chewed on it. The hamster wheel in your brain hadn’t started running again yet. You were surprised at how calm you were right at that moment. Rafael was hesitant, but he took a half step towards you. He didn’t want to scare you off like you were some small wild animal. When he moved towards you, your gaze hardened and he saw it.
He got the first syllable of your name out before you finally spoke, “I thought you were dead.” His eyes widened again and he looked at you like you had three heads. You took a deep breath in and out through your nose. “I went to Hogan Place.” Your grip tightened on the handle and Olivia watched as your knuckles tried to break through the skin of your hand. “I made dinner and decided to bring it over to you at your office. You said you were working late and we hadn’t seen each other much this week.” You looked over at the cartons of food that sat on Olivia’s desk taunting you. “Your office was locked. Empty.”
Your free hand went to your hair. Your fingers threaded through your hair and you gripped the strands in frustration before speaking, “I called you. Probably twenty times.” Rafael’s eyes moved from your face and to the carpet of Olivia’s office. His stature began to slump the more you went on. “I texted. I-I,” you shook your head, “I thought you probably went home early but when you didn’t pick up, I thought the worst had happened.”
Olivia watched you. She took in how you were trying so hard not to yell or cry at Rafael. Your eyes had that oh so familiar shine to them. “I didn’t know what to do. If I should call the cops,” You had added a slight snicker to the last word, “so I called Amanda. She told me to come here and wait for her. I saw your office light was on,” You locked eyes with Olivia, speaking directly to her like Rafael wasn’t even there. “And Rafael has always told me how amazing you are as a cop. The best he’s ever met.” Rafael’s throat bobbed as he swallowed. “But you’re fine.” You finally looked at him again. He lifted his head and his heart pounded in his ears. He winced when you spoke again, “I’ll leave you to finish your work.”
You didn’t intend to slam the door of the office of a woman you had just met but your blood was boiling through your body. Your coat felt like a cocoon of heat. You ran a hand through your hair, trying to think, trying to process. You didn’t even hear the elevator ding, alerting the arrival of Amanda who was leading the pack of a yawning Fin, a furrowed brow Nick, and a Sonny who was mumbling about an assignment for one of his classes.
The four of them looked at you, standing in the middle of the bullpen, pulling at your own hair. They could visibly see that you weren’t currently in the real world. You were stuck in your head. Amanda stepped forward, placing a hand on your shoulder. You jumped at the touch, eyes snapping over to the blonde. She was taken aback by your energy. Something felt off.
“Are you okay?” She whispered to you.
You shook your head.
Nick jumped in, “When was the last time you heard from him?”
“He said he was heading here after the trial,” You heard Sonny say. While Sonny didn’t mean anything by the statement, it felt like the lanky detective had thrown a hard punch directly to your chest. You let out a sharp chuckle. It was dry, cold. Amanda’s face contorted into confusion.
“Hey,” Fin grabbed the attention of the other men, “Cap is still here. We should let her know he’s missin’.” Fin made his way over to the office door of Olivia and rapped a knuckle against the window. The sound of the glass being tapped made your legs start to move you towards the elevator. Your shoes echoed in the quiet bullpen. Sonny made a noise of confusion, watching you leave. His thumb was pointed over in your direction as he looked over at Amanda.
Amanda called your name, ready to ask you what was up when the door to Olivia’s office opened. Fin scowled before stepping back. Olivia let out a shaky breath, stepping out into the bullpen. Your finger jabbed the button to call the elevator. You heard Nick grumble and Amanda let out a “huh?” The four detectives watched as Rafael stepped out of Olivia’s office. His hands were in the pockets of his pants.
“What the hell is happening?” That was Amanda.
“I thought you were missing?” Fin said.
You heard the ding of the elevator and the doors slid open. Rafael watched you as you stepped into the small box and when he heard the doors closed, he saw the colorful tote bag that was resting on Amanda’s desk. The food inside of it was empty of any heat.
Just like his relationship.
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Squabbling With You: An SVU [Barson] Fanfic
Chapter 1: Love Makes A Home
Quick authors note: thank you for all your love! Likes and reposts are appreciated! It makes you happy you like this series! I’m so looking forward to this more happy book. Love you guys.
Good morning Livie.” Rafael said as he gave Olivia a kiss as she was waking up. Last night, they had closed the deal on their new home so they’d be getting ready to move into their new house soon.
“Good morning Rafa, you’re eager. I’m looking forward to it too. It’s egg retrieval day so we can expand our family. It’s also seven months until our wedding day.”
“You’re right. Happy marriage and happy baby on the way.” Rafael replied as he gave her a kiss and got out of bed. He slid his arms through the wrist straps of his crutches and went to the bathroom.
“Another victory today was I didn’t wet the bed, again. I can’t believe we’re going to have a baby.” He said.
Olivia loved seeing her fiancé in a good mood, considering all he’d bed through. He still needed crutches to walk and used his wheelchair for long distance or when he was in the courtroom. The both got dressed for the day and headed to the doctors office. Rafael paced the waiting room as the doctors were prepping Olivia for the surgery. He was nervous but crutching around the waiting room eased his nerves since he wasn’t allowed to drink coffee.
“Rafa, you’re okay and I’m okay. Brittany is looking forward to being our surrogate.” Olivia said.
“My part of the process is easy, yours isn’t as much. You’ve done so many injections and treatments just so we can have a baby. It just makes me nervous it won’t work.”
“It will Rafa. It will. You’re going to be a great dad to this child, you’re already a great dad to Noah.” Olivia said. “Hold onto this okay?” She put her her engagement ring in Rafael’s hands
“We’re ready for you now Ms. Benson.” The nurse said as the took Olivia to another room for the procedure.
Rafael had taken a lot of things into consideration when choosing a ring for Olivia. The band was rose gold with a very subtle pink opal gemstone. He knew she didn’t want anything flashy or expensive since they just bought a house and planning their wedding and baby. He remembered nit picking in the jewelry store with Noah.
*flash back, I still don’t know how to do italics on AO3 so bear with me*
“Alright Noah. I told your mom we were taking my suits to the dry cleaners, which we actually have to do but we’re actually are looking for an engagement ring for her.” Rafael said as Noah was holding his hand so he wouldn’t wander off.
“That means you’re going to ask Mommy to marry you right?” Noah said.
“That’s right. Remember we talked about it the other night and you said it was okay?”
“We’ll I already call you Papi and you love my Mommy a lot and you make her happy.” Noah said. “And you said when you love someone and you wanna spend forever with them, you buy them a ring.” Noah said as he looked around at the different rings.
“What are you looking for sir?” The jewelry said.
“Well I’m trying to figure that out. I’m looking for a ring for my girlfriend. I brought her son with me.” Rafael said.
“What are you thinking about style wise?”
“Something unique. Olivia is a beautiful, kind and caring soul. I wanted something different.” Rafael said as he was looking in the different cases of various rings.
“I like this one.” Noah said as he sat in the chair next to Rafael and pointed to the rose gold one in the case.
“I think I like it too. What are you thinking Noah?”
“Well it’s pink and pink is pretty on Mommy. If she’s going to wear it forever, it needs to be perfect.” Noah said as he looked at the ring in closer detail.
“I would like to make it more personal though. Maybe our names or something engraved on the inside and something more custom with. The gemstones. I’ve been looking at ideas for months and I’m struggling on picking a ring for the woman of my dreams.
“You’ll do great Papi and Mommy will love it.” Noah said with a smile.
Thirty minutes had passed and the nurses had brought Olivia back to the room. She was still groggy and sleeping soundly as Rafael held her hand and kissed her forehead.
“Well you did it Livie and I’m so proud of you.” Rafael said as he stroked the hair out of Olivia’s face. “Here let me put this back.” He then put her ring back on her finger and kissed her hand softly.
“Hi there, I wake up and see the man of my dreams.” Olivia said groggily and saw her fiancé in front of her, staring with his bright green eyes.
“I get to take you home in a little bit after you eat something. Then we can snuggle in bed like you used to do with me after a procedure. The doctor said your stomach pain and nausea were normal and would start to go away in a few days. I’m here for you okay? Whatever you need.” He said.
“Thank you love. You’re pretty cute so I’ll keep you.” She replied.
“Good, cause we’re getting married and having this baby together. It’s going to work out. In a few days the cell will be transferred to Brittany but for now I’m focused on you.” Rafael said.
A little while later, Rafael took Olivia home and helped her into bed. She was still groggy so Olivia was mumbling to Rafael that she was cold.
“Hold on a second.” Rafael said as he took one of his hoodies from the closet.
“Arms up, there we go. Are you warm now?” He said as he kissed her lips softly and nuzzled his nose into her neck.
“This hoodie smells like your cologne. Thank you.” Olivia said. “Can you stay here in bed with me?”
“I wish I could amore but I have to get some work done. I’ll just be at the kitchen table. I’ll come right back and snuggle. I’ll make you something to eat if you want. I took off tomorrow to spend time with you.” Rafael said as he gave her another kiss. “Also I was really embarrassed that I filled the container and my knees got shaky and I spilled some of it on the men’s bathroom floor and it wasn’t enough to I tried again. I was just anxious and I was already taking a long time.”
“It’s okay honey. We both did it. I love you. Drink you water okay? You always seem to forget when you’re anxious.
“I love you too Livie. Get some rest alright?” Rafael said as he went into the living to get back to his work.
Rafael wasn’t actually working. He was using the standing extension desk on the kitchen table so he could practice standing while looking at ideas for the new house and hopefully a baby room. He had spontaneously bought a baby crib the other day, yet they hadn’t said anything to anyone about The couple and those son were moving in ten days to their new house. They wouldn’t know for a few weeks if the surrogacy process had been successful but it was always nice to think about it. They had a high success rate but it was still a chance.
After working for about an hour, Rafael made some soup for his fiancée and snuggled in bed until Olivia woke up. Sometimes he wonders how Olivia was such a great caretaker while also working. He always wanted to check in with her to make sure she was okay. He often wondered how many hours she spend awake with him though those rough nights of reliving the trauma in his own mind.
“It’s time for your pain medication and you can’t take it on an empty stomach so I made you some soup.” He said as he got in bed next to her while holding the bowl ok his hands. “Here you go.”
“Rafa, you have to be the sweetest, kindest, loving soul ever and I’m grateful that I get to marry you. You’re also a pretty good cook.” Olivia said with a small smile.
Rafael chuckled a bit as he fed Olivia some soup until the bowl was empty and handed her the bottle of painkillers. He then connected his feeding tube and snuggled close to Olivia.
“I’m finished working for today so I’ll be right here with you. I’m here for anything you need.” He said.
“Cuddles and hearing your voice sing to me is all I need my love.” Olivia said she and Rafael held each other close.
Today was moving day for the future Benson-Barbas. Their friends were over helping them put the boxes into the moving truck.
“Hey honey, what’s this?” Olivia said when it was just her and Rafael were alone in their room.
“Well I know you wanted to wait but it’s a crib for the baby.” He said.
“I like it. Gray is a nice neutral color. Did you think I would be upset? I’m not. I’m just as hopeful as you are. Hold on, Brittany and Paul are FaceTimeing us.” Olivia said as she gave him a kiss.
“Hey there what’s up?” Olivia said answer the call.
“Well we couldn’t wait to tell you two butttt congratulations on this baby due in January!” Brittany said as she and Paul showed them the positive pregnancy test and the paperwork.
“Thank you and thank you two for being part of our lives and carrying out baby. Even after this, we still want you in this this baby’s life.” Rafael said as put his arm around Olivia.
“We’ll have the first ultrasound at six weeks and find out the gender at twenty weeks. I have to have blood work and tests done so we may know sooner.” Brittany said.
“Thank you. We’ll have to have you over for dinner once we finish moving into our new home. “ Olivia said as the couple hung up the phone.
After a day of unpacking with the squad, the group of friends sat at the dinner table. It was a nice day to actually celebrate Olivia and Rafael’s engagement.
“Thank you guys for helping us today. You guys are amazing and part of our family. We’re celebrating our engagement and our new house.” Rafael said as he stood up and put his arm around Olivia’s waist.
“We have to put some finishing touches on this house and organize Rafael’s closet. But today we’re celebrating today.” Olivia said as she put her hand on his shoulder.
“We also set a wedding date: October 3rd. There’s a lot to do but I’m grateful for you three: Fin, Carisi, Rollins and Hannah, You all have been incredibly helpful in this journey the past few months. Also thanks for being patient with me at work. You’ve helped with our family so much and I’m grateful you all.” Rafael said.
“I know we don’t talk about work at him but I think this weird season of life did something for us all. You two got together and so did Amanda and I considering our first kiss was under weird circumstances. What do we do with all these all over the place memories?” Carisi said.
“You hold them close and don’t let them go.” Olivia said. “Here’s to love I guess. I’m not good at making a toast but I love you all very much and I’m grateful for friends Rafael and I can call part of our family.”