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bisexualnathanyoung · 2 years

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Scared

Pairing: Nathan Young/OC (Mel)

Word Count: 1.6k

This is a lot of inner monologue from Mel with bits of dialogue. A midnight commentary on “shit’s fucked,” if you will.

Everything. Everything was so fucked. And I was scared. I thought I was over “scared.” I’d become numb by the time I was 16. The drugs helped, but I didn’t necessarily need them.

As I listened to Nathan’s heart beat, I couldn’t help but think of the bodies. The images flashing in my mind. Nathan’s dead body in my arms. Not being able to save him. Our friends assuring me he’d come back. But it didn’t help. Something about being covered in your boyfriend’s blood is extremely unsettling. So much fucking blood… the warmth of it turning cold then drying, caked on my skin. The smell permanently imprinted on my memory. However, not as bad as dead body smell.

On top of all of these memories stacking on top of each other. I was reminded of Simon saying people would come for us… I’d brushed it off at the time. Fuckin’ Wertham. The council barely gave a shit, what would anyone want with a bunch of barely adult delinquents? But I thought about Nathan’s power. A man that can’t stay dead. Can you imagine the type of super soldiers you could create with that if someone could find a way to duplicate it? I thought about how my power was primarily triggered by fear. And other things… it’d recently been set off by my happiness over an ice lolly. It was mango! Whose ever heard of that?! I’d worked on suppressing it, but I had very little idea on how to use it.

Regardless, I’d begun thinking what if we’d become some sort of government lab rats. I was pretty sure Simon was going for the heroes and villains route, which seemed beyond stupid to me. Sure, you can get superpowers from a fucking storm, but superheroes? Supervillains? Nothing is ever that black and white. I’d seen plenty of villains in my time, and none of them had any powers I was aware of… maybe they did now though. I tried to shake off the thought. Then I thought about everything we’d done… what if we were the villains..? Because we sure as hell weren’t heroes. Except maybe for that stunt Nathan pulled with the weirdo Christian cultist brainwash whatever. But I had no memory of that, so he remains in my mind as my stupid boyfriend. My stupid boyfriend that I love. The cutest guy in the world. The love of my life. Baby. Love… what was I talking about? Oh. Fear. My anxieties seemed to fade to a dull ache in my chest. I figured Nathan had fallen asleep a long time ago on account of he wasn’t talking.

I tried to snuggle closer to him, and he made a small noise while moving his arm to hold me tighter.

“Are you awake?” I whispered.

He made another sweet, small noise and followed it up with, “I am now.”

“Do you ever get scared?” I asked. My chest and stomach were still burning with a fear I couldn’t place.

“Nah, baby, I’m invincible,” he said, slowly rubbing my back.

I sighed, “I’m really scared.”

“Hm?” He responded, “another nightmare?”

I shook my head, “no, I never fell asleep. I’m just scared of… everythin’.”

He kissed the top of my head, “what do you mean? Everything? Things are goin’ fine. Community service’s almost over.”

“I don’t care about community service… I care about… I don’t know… everything! The storm? Powers?” I laced my fingers in between his, “people have to be getting hurt from this shit. They have to be.”

“You can’t worry about that. We’re not fuckin’ superheroes. It’s not our job to take out every person who got a power,” he said.

I shrugged, “it still bothers me… and then your power scares me too.”

“Why?” He responded.

“Why?” I responded, “what d’you mean why? You can’t fucking stay dead. Do you know how valuable that would be to a government? You don’t think they’d fuckin’ steal your blood and try to do some kind of fucked up Captain America bullshit? Fuckin’ Weapon X?!”

He yawned, “I’ve got no idea what you’re talkin’ about, baby,” he rubbed my back, “try to go back to sleep.”

“I can’t,” tears started forming, “there’s so many bad people in the world. And I’m scared, and I’m sad, and I can’t save anybody.”

“You don’t know that,” he said, continuing to rub my back.

“Yes,” I said, trying to wipe my eyes, “I do. I’ve been mind controlled twice. I haven’t got my mind, what have I got? And I’ve always been so good at defending myself, and now I just feel small and weak with everything that’s happened.”

He held me tight, “it’ll be okay. I’m here. I’ll protect you.”

I sighed, “I don’t want you to protect me.” First of all, that was a lie. I continued, “I want to be strong. I want to protect myself.”

“Then, I don’t know... Go to the gym or something,” he responded.

I groaned into his chest.

“What?” he said, “that’s all I got.”

I snuggled into his neck, “I just don’t know what to do.”

“Don’t do anything,” he said, “that’s what I do.”

“But it’s not enough,” I started to cry again, “it’s never enough.”

“Nobody can save the world, Mel,” he said, “shit’s fucked. It’s always going to be fucked. Just make the best of it.”

“I wish it was that easy,” I said and sniffled.

“Just don’t think about it,” he said and rubbed my arm. I thought for a second to say that’s shitty advice, but I decided not to.

“Don’t pretend like you don’t get nightmares too,” was what I decided to say.

He shrugged, “maybe, but then I move on. Pretend like it doesn’t exist. Forget it happened. Do something else.”

I moved over and sniffled a bit more, trying not to cry again, “I thought you’d understand.”

“I’m trying to help,” he said in that pitiful tone he took when he really didn’t know what to do.

I started crying again because I knew he was being sincere, because I didn’t know what I wanted him to say either. I just felt pitiful and weak, and I felt like I wasn’t supposed to be.

You don’t have time for emotions when you’re trying to survive. Like Nathan said, you “move on.” I’d been thrown into different programs, barely opening up, being told it’s okay to feel. It’s okay to be angry and sad when things happen, and people let you down. But I threw it out the window because I couldn’t let that shit show. You hold your head up high; throw on the confidence, look angry, be angry. Don’t let anyone fuck with you.

But I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t tell myself, “I’m not scared,” anymore. I was terrified. I was full of regret and guilt and pain. My thought process of “don’t let it happen again” became “when is it going to happen again?” How long would it be until the ball drops, the bottom falls out, when everything falls to shit? I’d never imagined things would get so bad. I’d trained my whole life to act like things were okay, and they weren’t. They really weren’t. We were one misstep away from prison or whatever worse there was. Anything could happen at any moment, and I hated it.

I rolled over to face him and rubbed at my eyes. I couldn’t stop crying. I tried to get words out, and I couldn’t.

“It’s okay,” he said, “you’ll be okay.” He tried to pat me on the arm.

I threw my face into his chest, and he held me.

“It’s gonna be alright,” he said, “promise.”

I tried to sit up, and he let me go.

“But what if it’s not?” I said with tears still falling down my face, “what if it’s not?! I am so sick of this shit!” I threw my hands up and sparks flew everywhere.

“You need to calm down,” he said and rubbed my leg.

“How?! How can anybody calm down?! There’s so much bullshit in the world, and then we’ve got no fucking idea who has these powers! What they can do with them! Like actual bad people! And meanwhile I’ve got old grannies looking at me picking up shit on the street thinking I’m the problem! Oh because I dare to fucking stick up to bullshit authority! Because that’s obviously the biggest problem is young people being a menace to society! Meanwhile the authority can do whatever the fuck they want; believe whatever the fuck they want! Because fuck me, right?! Because I’ve got a “history”, I put in air quotes, “because I’m “troubled.” I must be a fucking liar, right?! Well, why tell the fucking truth when no one’s going to believe you anyway?!,” I kept crying, “it’s never enough. It never matters. Nothing I do matters.”

He sat up next to me and held my hand, “without you, I’d still be living in a community center. I think that matters.”

I shrugged and gave him a small smile.

“You’re a good person,” he said, “that’s more than most can say. That’s more than I can say.”

I lightly shoved him, “shut up. You’re a good person.”

“That’s highly debatable,” he responded.

“Well, I think you are,” I said and laid my head on his shoulder.

“Oh, then, if you think I am, and you’re right about everything, then it must be true, yeah?” he said and kissed me on the head.

“Yeah,” I responded and squeezed his hand.

I yawned and laid back down. I pulled at his hand, “hold me?”

“Always,” he said and laid down next to me and pulled me into his arms.

I held his arm.

“I’m still scared,” I said softly.

“I know,” he responded.

“Promise me you’ll be safe when I’m not there to protect you,” I said and lightly kissed his arm.

“Promise,” he replied.

#I’ll put it in the nathan young tag for consistency I guess #nathan young #I need a better tagging system #oc; melanie albright

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writingdumpster · 2 years

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Chapter Three: the plan

pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

warnings: canon level violence, blood

word count: 1,700

summary: chapter three—you and Bucky are joined by Sam, Wanda, and Yelena who have a plan that will help you get your lives back.

run. summary: Hydra has found Bucky, but worse they’ve found you. You and Bucky must go on the run while Bucky tries to find a way to stop whoever is behind the new attempt to brainwash Bucky.

run. masterlist

full masterlist

You let out a sigh of relief upon seeing Sam, Yelena, and Wanda. Bucky released your hand to give Sam a hug. You smiled. You knew how much he’d missed Sam and the others. They were his family, and you knew how much you missed yours. Wanda moved forward to give you a hug. She had always been kind to you. After all she had been through, she understood a need for love. Yelena hung back, but you moved forward to give her a hug as well. You understood a need for love as well.

“Please tell me you have good news,” Bucky said as he stepped back to wrap his arm around your waist. He kissed your forehead lightly. You leaned into his chest. You both felt like you could relax for the first time in months. Sam smiled.

“What? Seeing us isn’t enough?” Sam joked. Bucky rolled his eyes.

“It’s plenty,” you said. Wanda smiled warmly at you.

“Then you’ll be even happier to know that we know who’s after you, where they’re going to be, and we have a plan to stop them,” Sam said proudly. Bucky smiled.

“How soon can we go?” Bucky asked.

“Two days,” Yelena piped in. Bucky looked at you, a grin on his face. He kissed you softly. You smiled back as he pulled away.

“There’s another thing,” Sam said, his voice becoming more apprehensive.

“What’s that?” Bucky asked, a smile still on his face.

“We need y/n for the plan,” Sam said. The smile on Bucky’s face dropped. His grip on your waist tightened protectively.

“No. Absolutely not. There has to be another way,” Bucky said.

“She’ll be in a van, just running some computers,” Wanda said, trying to deescalate the situation before it got out of hand. Bucky opened his mouth to protest, but you raised your hand and placed it against his chest. He looked down at you.

“It’ll be okay, Buck,” you said, your voice quiet. Your words were only for him. “This is our chance.” Bucky closed his mouth and nodded reluctantly.

“Okay,” he said quietly. “Okay, I trust you.” He turned back to Sam. “Tell us the plan.” Sam, Yelena, and Wanda proceeded to explain everything they had learned over the three months that you and Bucky had been gone. It turned out that the person funding the hunt for Bucky was none other than John Walker. After Yelena had abandoned Val, John had become her right hand. Val was hell bent on having more super soldiers under her control. When John had refused experimentation, she had given him only one more option: to find and bring her any other existing super soldiers he could find.

Yelena and Wanda began explaining the plan. They explained that Sam had leaked a false lead to Walker. Walker would be waiting for them in a town 45 miles North of London. They were expecting you and Bucky to arrive at the UK’s office of terrorism and seek protection from the government. Walker thought that he had tired the two of you out. Bucky and Yelena were going to be the bait, Yelena wearing an AI mask of your face. They would draw Walker and his team in. Wanda would take control over the team and keep them incapacitated while Sam would break into Walker’s vehicle and delete any information that Walker had on Bucky and you and any other super soldiers off of all Walker’s computers. Bucky and Yelena would be neutralizing Walker. You had the job of initiating the online transfer of any data that Sam found so that Bucky and the others knew what Walker had learned about the remaining super soldiers.

Yelena explained everything you had to do slowly and carefully, answering any questions you had without any judgment. She wouldn’t admit it but she liked you quite a bit. She’d never really had any friends, particularly ones who hadn’t killed anyone, but whenever the two of you were together you were always incredibly kind to her. You didn’t ever have many friends either and when Bucky told you about Yelena you had always hoped the two of you could become close.

You spent the next two days with Bucky and Yelena, learning basic self defense. Yelena kept trying to teach you offensive moves that Bucky would quickly tell you that you didn’t need to use. As you prepared to leave for the mission, Yelena approached you. She looked over her shoulder to make sure Bucky was still speaking to Sam and then held a knife out to you.

“Take this,” Yelena told you. You met her eyes. You hesitated. Bucky had been clear about not wanting you to use weapons, to avoid violence at all costs. Yelena saw your hesitation and spoke again. “Don’t listen to Bucky. He worries for you, but you are strong. I see it in you. You have what Natasha had,” she said. You were surprised. Yelena had never spoken of her sister to you before, and for her to compare the two of you was incredibly flattering. It was clear how much Yelena cared for her sister. “You don’t have to use it, but if you need it, you’ll be glad you have it.” Yelena added when you didn’t move to take the knife. You nodded and slid the knife into the waistband of your pants.

When you got to the location Yelena put on the cybernetic mask of your face.

“How do I look?” She asked you, her voice exactly like yours from the voice modulator.

“Better without the mask,” you joked.

“Don’t lie to her,” Bucky’s voice interrupted as he prepared himself to leave.

“Buck, don’t be rude,” you scolded him.

“It’s fine, y/n. He’d be a bad boyfriend not to say so,” Yelena said with a smile. You smiled back but it was quite unnerving to be talking to your own face. Yelena ran over your job with you quickly once more and then everyone filed out of the van. Bucky stayed for an extra moment. He took your face in his hands and pressed his forehead to yours.

“We’re gonna go home after this, honey. I promise,” Bucky said. You reached up and held his hands against your face.

“Be careful, Buck,” you said. A small smile flashed across Bucky’s lips.

“My sweet girl…” He murmured. “Always worrying about me.”

“If I don’t, you certainly won’t,” you replied. Bucky kissed you slowly. He pulled away and started to leave. He turned back at the last moment.

“Don’t leave the van,” he ordered you. You smiled at his protective nature.

“Yes, sir,” you replied with a mock salute.

Everything was running smoothly. You could hear everyone on the comms, but your role in the plan was small, so you stayed quiet to keep the airways clear.

“Y/N, I’ve got the flash drive in Walker’s computer now, you should be able to initiate the transfer,” Sam’s voice called over the comms. You looked at the computer screen in front of you and clicked a few times.

“I think I got it,” you said.

“You did, it’s working. Now just wait for us,” Sam said. You sat for a while before you began to hear the grunts and groans of fighting from Bucky and all his friends.

“I can’t hold these people much longer.” Wanda’s voice came over the comms. “There’s too many. A few are already breaking out.”

“Hold on five more minutes, Wanda, we’ve almost got Walker,” Bucky said, clearly in the midst of a fight. Suddenly you heard a knock on the van door. You looked at the door and screwed your eyebrows together.

“Is one of you outside of the van?” You asked over the comms. “Yelena?” You called. Before you could decide what to do the door burst open and a man with an electrified baton was climbing in.

“BUCKY!” You screamed into the comms. “HELP!” The man lunged towards you. He jabbed you with the baton once but you knocked it out of his hand and managed to kick it out of the back of the open van.

“Baby, what’s going on?” Bucky’s voice called as you fought against the man. All he could hear was your grunts and yelps. “I’m coming! I’m coming, honey! I’ll be right there!” His voice rang in your ears. The man knocked you into one side of the van, wrapping his hands around your throat. He grabbed you by the hair with one hand and pulled you out of the back of the van. You were able to sweep your legs underneath his from the ground, knocking him onto his feet as well. You both struggled to get to your feet and the man tackled you from his knees. He had you pinned under his body as he reached for the baton.

Before he could stop you, you reached into the waistband of your pants and pulled out the knife Yelena had given you, stabbing the man in the neck. The man’s body began to weaken, the pressure he had on your neck reduced and his posture was growing uneven before he fell to the side. You pulled the knife from his neck and the man grabbed at the wound which was pouring blood. As you stood and looked down at the man, knife still in hand, Bucky ran up behind you. He stopped beside you and looked down at the man and then to you. Your face was one of total exhaustion. He didn’t know what to say.

“Is it over? Can we go home?” You asked. Bucky paused before he nodded. He took the knife from your hand, wiped the blood off on his pants and sheathed it in his own belt.

“We can go home,” he said and pulled you into his arms.

#bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes imagines #bucky x reader #bucky fluff #bucky imagine #bucky imagines

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the-boy-king-rp-multi · 4 months

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It had been roughly a year now since Sam Wilson had been publicly accepted as the one and only new captain america- And it had been the proudest Bucky had felt about anything since Steve had disappeared from his life. Things had settled down and gotten quieter since then- And Sam seemed to be doing well these last few months, after their training had escalated quickly and he'd done a few solo missions of his own.

While he had spent a few years in peace within Wakanda after they'd so generously helped undo hydras brainwashing- There was an itch within him he simply couldn't scratch, doing the hero work. They had scrubbed out that part of his past with Hydra- But he wanted, no- Needed to do something about them. Especially after they'd managed to recreate their super soldier serum... But better.

The world had no place for Nazis.

Whatever agents tried to scramble away were quickly dragged back into the smoke that clouded the halls of the Hydra base, making it that more haunting as screams and sounds of useless gunfire and yelling echoed the base- Until it was followed by silence, until it wasn't when he took down agent after agent. This base in particular was.. very personal. He'd had flashbacks when he'd first arrived, before the anger took over and he was marching into the base, taking out anyone who came in his way. He knew he wouldn't find the mad doctor here- But if he could simply destroy the base and its agents along with it, valuable information about Hydra's serum- that would be enough.

When he exited the building after crippling any final hydra agents he hadn't yet killed- He set off the blast with a remote of the several explosives he had set up around the building, followed by a loud boom as the building exploded. He was blasted from his perch on the open window, landing on his feet into the snow after the fall. He was donned in his winter soldier gear, all but the old arm. The face mask and goggles protected him from the harsh winds, despite how much he hated them. He jumped over the fences that encased the base after his ears stopped ringing from being so dangerously close to the blast, continuing to walk towards and into the blizzard from the way he came- The serum pumping through his veins protected him from the cold mostly, the masks were just an added comfort from the harsh winds.

He felt anger boil up inside him when his arm was shot, which- Strangely quickly dissipated at the sight of the other, scowling softly at the sight of them. Of course the idiot would be here, of all places. Just his luck. Wonderful. He'd have to interrogate them later, when the poor man wasn't on the verge of freezing to death. "What the hell are you doing out here? You're gonna freeze to death!" He huffed when he pulled his mask down to speak. Without wasting a moment, he hauled him to his feet, picking him up by his legs, forcibly wrapping the smaller man's legs around him before he, without warning, after undoing his gear enough to pull his undershirt up, pulled it over his head, forcing him against the warmth of his heated skin, mask hung around his neck now. "Don't want you freezing the death until we find shelter."

#sh: falcon & the winter soldier #ch: bucky barnes #verse; winter wakes the wolf (canon)#open #not mutual exclusive

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assbutt-writes · 5 months

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A Heart Of Iron Chapter 19

Chapter below cut

TONY

Weeks went by with still no sign of Thanos, so the Avengers started preparing for what they knew was going to be the fight of their lives. Thor and Loki went back to Asgard to try and get help from them, Clint and Natasha started training a new team of SHIELD agents, and Steve, Tony, and Bruce started to work on removing Bucky's programming, Tony only helping because this wasn't just some random deadly Russian super soldier. He was Bucky Barnes, the guy he had grown up hearing stories about. Hell, he even had a Bucky action figure in his old room.

Bruce had started insisting that they work 8 hours a day with lunch breaks after noticing the fact that Steve and Tony could get so focused that they would forget to eat, take breaks, or even sleep for days on end. Tony had taken this opportunity to show Steve around the tower, Steve taking notes whenever there was a pop culture reference he didn’t get. Steve had also become a sort of confidant for Tony about his feelings since he had some experience having a crush on his boy best friend, albeit a way more publicized one.

Tony, Bruce, and Steve were looking over Bucky's brain scans and trying to figure out how to un-brainwash him when they heard a knock at the door. Tony was trying to ignore it, focusing on his work, when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked up and saw Steve motioning at the door with his head with a small smile on his face. Tony begrudgingly set down the scans and looked up, freezing when he saw who was standing there, shifting from foot to foot.

"Loki!" Tony said happily, carefully setting down the photos and running over to the door to open it, "What are you doing back? You're not supposed to be back for another 3 weeks!"

"It turns out that everyone had already heard of Thanos, and people were fighting to be on our team. We ended up recruiting Balder, Fandral, Heimdall, and Sif. Thor said he was going to talk with another about possibly joining the team, but he refused to tell me who, so-" Loki explained, but Tony cut him off by pulling him into a tight hug. Loki froze at first, but almost immediately, he relaxed into the embrace.

"I missed you," Tony said into Loki's shoulder, tightening his arms around the other man.

"I missed you, too," Loki said softly.

They stayed for that past the point where it would normally become awkward, only separating when Steve hesitantly pointed out that they needed to get back to the brain scans. Tony showed Loki what they were, and he immediately started helping them, pointing out places that he could use magic to help remove the brainwashing, and, by the time 5:00 came, they had a plan to hopefully have Bucky un-brainwashed by the end of the week. Loki and Bruce left the lab talking about the logistics of using magic to remove brainwashing, and Tony started to follow them. When he saw Tony turn to leave, Steve motioned for him to stay, and, noticing the worried look in the other man's eyes, Tony stayed. Once the others left, Steve sagged in his chair.

"I need help. I hadn't thought about the fact that Bucky's going to wake up soon and find out that the entire country knows I have a crush on him. I always tried to keep it under wraps, and I'm not prepared to have to deal with it this soon," Steve said, a look of sheer terror on his face, "I don't want to lose him, Tony."

"You won't. We'll figure something out," Tony said, mind racing to find a solution.

"Like what? Tony, I've been thinking about this for weeks. It's not like we can keep him away from the outside world! Not to mention introducing him to all of the new tech. He's been asleep for decades!" Steve said, agitated. A look of horror suddenly crossed over his face, "God, Tony, his memory! What are we going to do about that? The things he's seen, the things he's done– Tony, he can't remember that. It'd break him."

"Hey– Hey, Steve, look at me," Tony said, trying to get Steve to meet his eyes. When Steve did, Tony could see tears starting to fall down his face. "We can work something out. At the very least, we can see if Loki could remove the memories along with the brainwashing. It's going to be okay. He's going to be okay."

"Thanks, Tones. It really means a lot," Steve sighed. Tony reached over and pulled him into a comforting hug, Steve still crying.

LOKI

Loki and Bruce noticed that Tony and Steve weren't following, so Bruce told Loki about their agreement to only work 9 to 5 and how Steve and Tony tended to break it whenever the got the chance. Loki let out a short laugh at how stubborn Tony was and volunteered to go back and drag them out of the lab. Bruce smiled and told him to go ahead and try, so Loki started walking back to the lab, mind wandering back to his time on Asgard.

Thor had gone up to Odin to request a team of trained warriors to help in the upcoming battle with Thanos, and Odin had reluctantly agreed, saying that they could pick 5 to help, but that they would have to be given a week of time to pack and say their goodbyes. Immediately Loki thought of Sif, and Thor chimed in with Balder, Fandral, and Heimdall. They spent a good bit of their time there looking for a fifth warrior, unable to find someone that would properly fit the team. Eventually Thor had told Loki that he had an old friend that would be perfect, but he had refused to tell Loki who it was. He told Loki that he could go back to Midgard and let him handle it, and, missing Tony, Loki accepted.

Loki stopped short when he got to the workshop. Steve and Tony weren't working, they were hugging. So this is what was going on between them. Loki immediately started to think about the fact that Steve knew about the dreams, that Steve was the one who Tony went to for help telling everyone about the dreams, and that Steve was the one who Tony stayed behind with working in the lab. Loki turned around and ran out of there as quickly as he could and didn't stop running until he was far away from the tower, away from the man who had just unknowingly broken his heart into a thousand pieces. Once he finally stopped, he looked around at his surroundings, noticing that he was in a park. He found a bench, sat down, and started to cry.

#frostiron #loki #loki/tony #loki/tony stark #tony stark #tony/loki #ao3 #fanfiction #loki laufeyson

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kinkshame-the-courier · 2 years

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Thought I’d finally get around to an info chart about my courier, Chaye

#ehhhh I’m not gonna give this my art tag #courier chaye #I’m gonna put this on my pinned anyway lol #i have this whole entire backstory for them and it’s actually rly complicated lmfao #including the experiment thing #because like??? the enclave would TOTALLY have tried to make supermutants at some point #tried to brainwash the hell out of them for super soldiers #chaye is the only survivor of their vault #so the only gen 3 supermutant lmao #and I did a smart because they and the other experiments were also exposed to Sierra Madre Mist #meaning that not only do they self heal already but they’re realllll fucking hard to kill #hence why the two bullet scars are dead center on their forehead #yeah I could ramble about this for hours #courier six #fallout new vegas #fnv #fallout new vegas courier #courier oc #courier 6

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themculibrary · 2 years

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Irondad + Winteriron Masterlist

And the truth came out... (ao3) - Whaatimidoing31 T, 4k

Summary: Peter’s classmates don’t believe that he has an internship at SI, and when they go there for a field trip, they realize that there’s so much more that they don’t know.

Or, the overused Field Trip Trope that we all love.

career day (ao3) - pomegranateboy G, 2k

Summary: peter parker has no one to come for career day... or does he?

"Code Mauve" (ao3) - dragonsarmors T, 8k

Summary: After the events of Endgame, Tony finally got his husband and son back, it was something worth losing an arm over. While he has healed physically, mentally he can't stop seeing himself dying. So FRIDAY, Bucky, and Peter have a system in place to help Tony through the darkness in his mind, the system is named "Code Mauve". It can be activated at any time, even during, say a field trip to Stark Tower by the Midtown Decathlon team.

Even Darkness Must Pass (ao3) - Finely Honed (jaqen_hgar) M, 15k

Summary: “Fake it till you make it,” Bucky whispered to himself, swallowing around his panic. Sam had drilled the idea into him, and it had become a mantra of sorts, something to hold onto when all he wanted to do was blend into the shadows and disappear.

“You’ll be fine.”

Steve placed a warm, strong hand on Bucky’s shoulder and squeezed, his super soldier ears having picked up Bucky uttering the now familiar saying.

Bucky nodded, tried to believe his own words, and followed Steve onto the common floor, a wall of sound hitting them as they entered.

Fire in my Soul verse (ao3) - SyoshoHiataki 56k

Summary: In which Toni Stark has grown as a person, not letting the Rogues get to her now that they have been pardoned. Only now, she has to deal with that she is falling for one James “Bucky” Barnes. What is even her life

Gone in a Second (ao3) - Avengers_Whore T, 14k

Summary: “I’m gonna show daddy my new wood chip collection,” Peter said, digging into one of his pockets and pulling out a handful of chips.

“I’m sure he’ll love it, baby. We’ll find you a jar to put them in,” Tony purred, ruffling his pup’s hair. He opened his mouth to talk again-

Boom.

And then there was an explosion and everything went black.

Just Add an Adorable Child and an Ex-Assassin and Everything Will be Fine (ao3) - Whoops_my_hand_sLIPPED 23k

Summary: A man with breathtaking anger issues, two assassins/spies, a Norse god, a star-spangled man out of time, and a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist are already an odd team, but throw in an ex-HYDRA assassin and an adorable little kid? Well that team just got a whole lot more interesting.

Basically a rewrite of The Avengers if Bucky and Peter were in it.

Letters to a Soldier (ao3) - CityofAangels M, 42k

Summary: When Peter Stark, son of the famous tattoo artist Tony Stark, signed up for a program to write letters to a soldier, he didn’t know what Bucky Barnes would change in his and his father’s life…

Place in Your Heart (ao3) - Potrix T, 3k

Summary: They try to hide it, Bucky can see the effort they all put into making him more comfortable, but Bucky isn’t stupid, he knows they’d rather have him somewhere else, somewhere far away from their home, the place where they’re supposed to feel happy and safe.

Reed Richards: Accidental Matchmaker (ao3) - Potrix M, 3k

Summary: Kids don’t normally fall out of holes in the sky, not even in New York City, but if they do it is, as Tony’s been informing everyone for the last fifteen minutes, entirely Reed Richards’ fault.

Second times the charm (ao3) - ShadowsintheClouds E, 23k

Summary: Tony never thought he'd ever see his mate again. Not after that one heat they shared. Hell, he hardly remembered what the guy looked like. He only really had a name. James. Tony certainly wasn't expecting to meet the man again while the world seemed to be collapsing around him.

And he certainly wasn't expecting him to be a 100-year-old brainwashed assassin.

The sticky situation (ao3) - Self_conscious_mess T, 8k

Summary: Tony and Bucky have a bit of a scare when they realise that their son's hands are inexplicably sticky.

#themculibrary #tony stark #bucky barnes #winteriron #winteriron masterlist #peter parker #irondad #irondad masterlist #masterlists

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merakiaes · 3 years

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WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT BUCKY AND SARAH

TFATWS EP.5 SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT!

Do you know what I love the most about Bucky and Sarah’s interactions in the latest episode?

The fact that we got to see Bucky as Bucky, for the first time in a long time.

After having gone through literal hell, he’s become reserved, suspicious, and uncertain. He’s hesitant and just generally unwilling and uninterested in creating new bonds, partly because of his trust issues and the inevitable fear of being stabbed in the back, abandoned and betrayed, but also because of his deep self-hatred.

He has developed somewhat of a habit of not purposely putting himself in other people’s lives more than absolutely necessary, because he doesn’t want them to have him in their lives. He feels like people are better off without all the baggage that he comes with; without the trauma, without his dark past and horrible deeds.

And then Sarah walks in. He takes one look at her, and it’s like time just stops and rewinds 80 years.

He suddenly takes the first step to start a conversation, to introduce himself, and obviously goes out of his way to appear charming in a similar way to when he first tried introducing himself to Peggy Carter.

He pulled out the old lopsided, boyish grin, the smooth voice, the sparkling eyes that just say: “I’m into you”, and rather than trying to cover it up and be subtle about it, he made it painfully obvious what he was doing, letting his eyes take their sweet time in openly checking her out with full intent of letting her know what he thought of her. No shame, but on the contrary, with pride.

Suddenly he’s flirty. Confident. Open. Initiative. Curious. Interested; something he hasn’t been since before his Winter Soldier days; not even with Leah with whom he was still very withdrawn and, in my opinion, appeared very unwilling to even consider bonding and opening up to.

And now we suddenly get to see him as the go-getter he used to be before Hydra. Before all that super soldier and brainwashing shit. We get to see him as the first person to start a conversation, rather than just speaking when spoken to; again, like we saw on his date with Leah - he didn’t go out of his way, whatsoever, to show her that he was actually interested.

But with Sarah: he shows no doubt, no fear, no uncertainty. Just genuine interest and intrigue. He sees something he likes, something he wants, and actually makes the move to go after it. No self-doubt, no self-hatred, no internal “I’m a monster and shouldn’t initiate any new relations with people who deserve better”-thoughts.

Just....: “I’m Bucky” , with that overly-cocky, shit-eating, playboy-ish grin that we all know and love from back in his golden days.

She answers him with her own name, and he repeats it, looks down, and has to bite his fucking lip to contain his smile, and totally fails in doing so when his entire face breaks into a grin as he walks away with Sam.

It’s genuine. Happy. It comes naturally and doesn’t have to be forced like most of his persona and relations are nowadays.

Even if only for the moment, his guilt-ridden conscience and shame disappears, and for the first time in a long time, it just comes naturally for him to put himself out there. Because that’s him. In this moment, he’s able to be himself without reading into it, without over-thinking it. It just happens.

And even after all this time, this man still has fucking game, leaving her blushing, fiddling with her hands and looking down at her feet while smiling like a fucking school girl.

To wrap it up, all of my points are just proven even further by the fact that Sam noticed, and specifically forbade Bucky from moving in on his sister. That only shows even further how genuine, real and natural his reaction to seeing and meeting Sarah for the first time was and it’s fucking incredible.

Like, this? You see this, right here? The way he looks her up and down, smiles, clearly likes what he sees and makes absolutely NO attempt in denying his attraction to himself, nor hiding it from his surroundings? The way he looks down, almost shyly, and then can’t stop smiling as he walks away?

This is Bucky. This is Bucky fucking Barnes. The real Bucky Barnes, who was buried so long ago. The flirty, charming, go-getting ladies man.

And who was it that unburied him? Who was it that made him appear after all that time of just being a cold, hard shell? Sarah fucking Wilson, that’s who. She brought the old - the real - Bucky Barnes back with one look.

Like, if you read his expressions, his mannerisms, the way his entire attitude shifts when she appears - you just know that man’s heart is doing fucking sommersaults in his chest.

If any of you think that I’m reading way too much into this, you’re wrong. Anyone who disagrees with me about any of this is wrong. I will not be taking any constructive criticism at this time, nor will I ever, because Bucky and Sarah are soulmates and you can’t change my mind. Thank you and goodnight.

#tfatws spoilers #the falcon and the winter soldier spoilers #bucky barnes #sarah wilson #bucky x sarah #bucky barnes x sarah wilson #sam wilson #bucky and sarah #bucky barnes and sarah wilson

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afriendlyblackhottie · 4 years

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Nosy

Summary: The team notices Bucky sneaking off the compound every weekend. Now they’re standing outside of an apartment in Brooklyn while Redwing spies out the window.

Warnings: Language, smut, sex tape, daddy kink

Pairings: Bucky x Black!Reader

(A/N: This is a rewrite of Bucky’s Secret Life because 😬. Anyway enjoy. Likes and reblogs are great thanks.)

“C’mon, aren’t you a little curious?”

Steve huffed and rolled his eyes as Tony nudged him. Bucky had been acting a little stranger than usual. If they didn’t have a mission he was leaving in the evening on Friday to come home Sunday nights. This had become a weekly basis kind of thing to the point where he didn’t even show up to parties unless it was something completely mandatory.

It’s not like Steve had never asked him about it. Bucky was his best friend and of course he was curious why he was so hush hush. He hadn’t been expecting for him to freeze up and stutter his way around giving him any details.

It was killing Sam the most because of course he was nosey as hell and between the three of them, he hated not being in the know. Natasha was even curious. Wanda kind of knew, but that’s because she couldn’t help the things she saw. Besides it wasn’t her place to tell.

Because what Wanda had been seeing when she’d get a glimpse into his mind were filthy. Absolutely fucking filthy. The images flashing into her mind of him and the same naked woman that he was doing unspeakable things to. It played like porn, but they were clearly memories. She stayed quiet because it was none of her business.

“Why don’t we mind our own business,” Bruce suggested. “Bucky’s been through a lot. Maybe he’s just unwinding.”

“Bruce is right.” Steve smiled at the scientist, appreciative at him for speaking up.

Natasha raised an eyebrow, shrugging her shoulders. “Is he, though?” She replied. “What if he’s doing something dangerous. He could still be having issues.”

“True,” Rhodey finally giving his input from his spot at the table beside Tony. “We would rather be safe than sorry.”

Steve groaned. “Fine.”

Steve reluctantly trailed behind Natasha, Sam, and Tony as they followed Bucky the next weekend. They went about their day as normal as possible. They didn’t want him to get suspicious. As soon as he’d left they had Friday give them the word so they could make their move after. Sam had even had Redwing follow after him.

“Guys, Bruce is right. We should leave it alone,” Steve tried to reason with them as they’d finally ended up outside of an apartment in Brooklyn.

“No,” Sam said, as they tried to act nonchalant waiting for someone to open up the door. “We’re here let’s do this.”

Bucky placed his hands underneath your ass, balancing himself as he rammed into you. Your hands were splayed above your head as you took it. For someone who literally couldn’t get drunk he found something so intoxicating with the way your breasts bounced with each thrust. He couldn’t help himself as he leaned down to capture your nipple in his mouth. Swirling his tongue around the brown nub.

You could feel yourself getting so close, but you weren’t allowed to come without permission. Since you weren’t in the mood to be punishes you obeyed him. You wanted to be a good girl for him this weekend after the way he’d made it hard for you to sit after you acted like a brat last time.

You’d made dinner, but it had been abandoned in favor of him dicking you down. He just couldn’t wait any longer to have your tight pussy wrapped around his dick. The plan was supposed to be a romantic evening with a home-cooked meal like you usually did on Friday nights. Saturday’s were usually for junk food as you spent the day either binge watching shows and fucking. It was the routine when he wasn’t busy with work.

It sucked that it felt like you’d never have a life outside of this apartment, but Bucky only needed a little bit longer. He needed to make sure there was nothing that could hurt you once your relationship became public. He’d seen to many romances end in tragedy and it scared him. He’d be damned if something bad happened to you.

His cock was stretching you wide open. “Fuck me, Daddy,” you moaned, leaning up so you could wrap your arms around his neck and then press your lips to his. He didn’t let up as he let you fall onto your back. He moved his hands from your ass to your legs to bring your knees to your chest.

He was so much deeper in this angle. Your head was swimmings you moaned into his ear, throwing your head back. “God, yes!”

“That’s it, Doll,” he moaned, leaning down to kiss you again. His tongue was in your mouth and you struggled to keep up because of how hard he was fucking you. Fuck you love it when you were at his mercy. In these moments it felt like he owned every inch of you.

The knock on the door brought the two of you out of your bubble. Bucky didn’t let up, though, hoping that whoever it was would get the hint and leave when you didn’t answer. He needed to make his girl cum first. Whoever was on the other side could wait.

She nodded with a whimper, feeling too blissed-out to even do anything, except for what you were told. You were so close. The way you tightened around him. Pussy hugging his dick like it was afraid to let go. You whined as your juices seeped out of you.

“Can I cum?” You whimpered out.

“Yeah, Doll.” He grinned down at you through his pleasure. He couldn’t help himself. You were to damn cute like this. All spread open taking every inch of him. Those noises sounding so good coming out of your mouth as your eyes rolled into the back of your head.

You cried out, hips moving to meet his thrusts. That coil finally snapped in your stomach as you came around him. Metal wrapping around your neck while your fingernails dug into his back,

He was determined to make you cum again. Except there was another knock on the door. This one louder, angrier. Bucky groaned, irritated already at whoever was interrupting. “Fuck,” he mouthed, jaw clenching. “I’ll get it. You stay right here, okay.”

You nodded unable to use your words as he pulled out. He covered you with the duvet, kissing your forehead lovingly as if he hadn’t just rearranged your guts. He slid on a pair of sweats and a red t-shirt - yes he kept clothes at your apartment. It was easier so he didn’t have to pack anything. Besides he knew you were wearing his hoodies when he wasn’t around. Yes even though you spent most of your time together naked, it was just more convenient.

Your head was resting on your pillow as you watched him walk through the door with half-lidded eyes. A dopey smile had spread across your face, snuggling under the covers as you waiting for him to come back.

Bucky looked through the peephole, then backed up seeing Steve on the other side. “What the fuck...”

“Bucky, c’mon, we know you’re in there,” the blond said through the door.

“We?” He frowned before opening it, but not undoing the chain. He could peek out just enough to see Natasha who was standing beside him with a little bit of Sam behind her and what he assumed was Tony next to him by the sudden waft of Axe Body Spray. “What are you doing here?”

Tony huffed. “Just let us in.”

He groaned, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “You guys should leave.”

“We’re just making sure you’re okay,” Nat said, trying to at least get a glimpse inside. It looked like a normal apartment, but Bucky’s body was blocking whatever else she could see.

“Gotta make sure you aren’t doing anything dumb,” Sam said.

“We were worried,” Natasha added.

Bucky scrunched up his face even more. “Worried about what?”

Just then you screamed from the bedroom. Bucky’s heart dropped as he heard you because if anything had ever happened to you he’d probably murder someone. His first thought was that they followed you which led to someone following them as he ran back to the bedroom.

You were standing there with one of your many throw blankets covering you. So you were okay. As he walked over to you, he grabbed your hand. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

“There’s something in the window,” she breathed, now standing behind him for cover. Whatever it was, her super soldier serum, metal armed boyfriend could take care of it.

They finally felt victorious as Bucky fully opened the door. Until Redwing was thrown out. “Sam, what the fuck!”

“Hey!” The other man gasped, seeing his beloved bird on the ground before picking it up to cradle it into his arms.

“Who was that?” Natasha asked with a smirk on her face now.

“My girlfriend! I’ve been seeing someone! Is that a crime.” He threw his hands up. “I didn’t realize I needed your permission to date.”

Steve raised his eyebrows and sighed. “See I told you guys this was stupid.”

Tony pouted, crossing his arms like he was disappointed. “I was so sure you were being brainwashed again. I was actually ready for a little action.”

“It’s not his brain being washed,” Sam said with a similar smirk to the one Natasha wore before frowning as he looked down at the slightly broken Redwing. Bucky wanted to hit him so bad.

“Baby, is everything okay?” You asked, walking into the room with wobbly legs after hearing her boyfriend raise his voice.You’d slipped on the matching sweatshirt to his sweatpants. It was really baggy. Hitting you mid-thigh. All he could think suddenly was that god you better be wearing panties. Or else you’ll be getting that punishment you’d been trying to avoid this weekend.

“Yeah, Doll. They were just leaving.” His face softened. Although you saw him in a sexy dominating way, you never saw him genuinely angry. Even the few times you’d argued he never even raised his voice. He was so afraid of scaring you away that when he was around he softened himself. So now that you were so close he had to show a little restraint.

“So, this is her!” Sam asked, surprised as hell at seeing that Bucky really was hiding a girlfriend. “Hi, I’m Sam and you are?”

“Y/N,” you replied, politely, offering up a small smile. Yet on the inside you actually wanted to run and hide. This was not apart of the plan for when you finally met everyone. Besides you probably looked like shit after what Bucky had just done to you.

“I’m Natasha!” The red head chirped so unlike herself leading the four men to look down at her like she’d grown another head.”This is Steve and Tony.”

It wasn’t very often that Tony Stark was speechless, but there he was as quiet as a mouse. All because the tin man had a girlfriend. A cute brown skinned girlfriend who was wearing his clothes.

“Doll, why don’t you wait for me in the room,” Bucky said. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Okay, D- Bucky...” you caught yourself leaning over to kiss his cheek before doing as you were told.

He stared at her to make sure she got in the room before opening his mouth again. “Now will you leave. I’ll deal with you all and we can maybe have a team meeting about how important privacy is.” He glared at Tony who loved those little meetings about whoever was putting coffee grounds into the sink.

It was Vision.

Obviously.

At first.

Until it became a fun little game for everyone to do to irritate the shit out of him. It was terrible yes, but his reactions were so, so, so entertaining.

The three grumbled to each other as they started to walk away, while Steve stood there shaking his head. “Sorry about this, Buck. I told them to leave you alone, but you know how they can be.”

“It’s fine.” He sighed. “I was just hoping to keep her all to myself for a little while.”

“She seems nice,” he said.

“She’s amazing,” he had to stop himself from gushing about you because he hadn’t been able to before and he was pretty sure he could go on for hours.

Steve couldn’t help, but smile. “I’m glad to see you happy.” After all the shit Bucky had been through it was nice to see him adjusting.

The two finally said their goodbyes and Bucky finally got to shut the door. He went back to finish what he’d started with you, needing to make sure you were wearing panties under that sweatshirt before coming out to greet his friends. He knew you could be a little tease and you needed to be put in your place.

Steve jogged to catch up to his three nosey teammates who were almost out of the entrance of the building. He really was happy for Bucky. He deserved to be happy.

When they’d made their way back home, Sam decided to review the footage on Redwing while in the kitchen. At first, it was just the general views of him walking down the street and then the subway. “Well, at least we know Bucky is boring.”

Steve looked over his shoulder shrugging at the footage that was just Bucky walking to your place. “You should probably just delete it now.”

Sam fast-forwarded it as his friend got to your apartment, punching in the code to be let in. “I dunno, it’s kind of funny to see Bucky walking around like a normal person.”

“And, he never noticed Redwing??” Steve asked as Natasha came to peek with them.

“That’s kind of weird. I would think Bucky would be more aware of his surroundings,” she noted.

Sam shrugged. “Clearly no-” he stopped speaking as he saw what the camera had suddenly focused on.

“We should probably talk to him about that,” Natasha said, taking a bite out of her protein bar. “We should invite her here, though. It’d be nice to have another girl around. Me and Wanda get so bored listening to you guys sometimes.”

Sam’s mouth went into a straight-line while his eyes widened watching as you the women he’d only met for five minutes had gotten on her knees with Bucky’s metal hand grabbing you by the hair stuffing his cock down your throat. Your nose was pressed to his pelvis as he held you there before he started fucking your mouth.

“What is it?” Steve asked, quickly noticing how silent Sam went.

Natasha leaned over to take another look at Sam’s screen just as Bucky had pulled you off to toss you on the bed and smack your ass. “What the... Sam! Delete it!” She gasped seeing Bucky impale you with his cock from behind, smacking your ass again.

You were very clearly enjoying how rough he was being with you as you bounced back against him, arching your back so you could take it.

“I’m trying! It’s not letting me!”

“What is it?” Steve asked, now looking again himself, seeing you the women he’d just met being fucking railed by his best friend. Bucky was saying something that they couldn’t make out, but the way he’d stopped moving only for you to buck back against him, it must have been absolutely filthy. “What the hell!”

“I didn’t know!”

“Make sure it gets deleted.” Steve sounded so exhausted. If they’d listened to him in the first place this wouldn’t have even happened.

“I’m trying!” He repeated, pressing different buttons on the panel.

“It’s kind of hot actually,” Natasha surprised them with saying. “I wasn’t really expecting Bucky to be like this.”

“What were you expecting?” Sam asked stopping to look at Natasha with his face all scrunched up.

Neither of them had ever seen her blush, but there she was. Face almost as red as her hair. “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about him since the Red Room.”

“Wait, what?” Both of them asked, but Natasha had already started to walk away from them as if she hadn’t even said anything. Or like she hadn’t just seen a video of Bucky fucking you raw. They didn’t see the glazed over look in her eyes as she let her imagination run wild.

“What’d you guys f-” Tony asked, right when Bucky had flipped you onto your back with his hands under your ass, leaning down to take a nipple into his mouth. “What... the fuck... actually... wow...”

“I know. I think I might ask Bucky if she has a sister or something.”

“All of you are monsters,” Steve said. Inside he was very intrigued, but he wasn’t about to say that outloud. “Make sure it gets deleted.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Sam said with a sighed.

“Captain Buzzkill.” Tony pouted.

#Bucky Barnes smut #bucky barnes x black!reader #Bucky Barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes x reader smut #bucky barnes x you #Sebastian Stan smut #sebastian stan x reader #Sebastian Stan x black!reader

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deceitfuldevil · 3 years

Text

Snap Out of It!

Pietro Maximoff X Reader

Summary: You grew up with the Maximoff twins, even agreed to be experimented on at HYDRA with them. You and Pietro were clearly falling for each other the older you got, but HYDRA sent you away and told the Maximoff’s you were dead. So what happens when you show up at the Avengers compound with no memory of your past?

Warnings: a little bit of angst I think?? Mentions of bombs, HYDRA experiments, some fluff and kissing ;)

Word Count: 3.69K

You were born during the start of a terrible war in your home country, and about two months later your parents introduced you to a new set of twins who lived just a few doors down from you. Of course you don’t actually remember meeting them, but your earliest memories were all filled with the Maximoff twins. You practically grew up right alongside them, you three did everything together. Birthdays, playdates, dinner when your parents weren’t home, all of it. It was also nice to grow up alongside others who were your age, especially when your country was at such a low place; it was a good distraction.

You were 10 years old when your apartment complex was bombed, your father had just walked in the door coming home from work. He and your mom fell into the hole in the floor immediately, that was the last time you ever saw them. You sat curled up in a ball in the far left corner of what used to be your kitchen. Frozen with fear and trauma for two days, until you were rescued. You were brought down to a large police van, the doors were opened for you and you saw two other children huddled together under a blanket, both of them immediately turned to see you and screamed with joy. It was your best friends, the Maximoffs. You ran into the van and hugged them immediately, all of you breaking down into tears. You sat in the back of the van together and chatted about the bombing. The main question on your mind was “are there any survivors?” but as it turned out, not only were you and the Maximoff twins the only children that survived. You three ended up being the three lone survivors of the entire apartment complex. Newspapers printed out articles on “the miracle trio” for weeks to come.

From that day on you three jumped from homeless shelter to homeless shelter, never once being allowed to stay in once place for too long. You even agreed to volunteer for HYDRA’s experiments with Wanda and Pietro when you were all 17. You tried to stay in communication with your friends but HYDRA made that near impossible with their constant experiments and isolations. The time you did get to spend with the Maximoffs was cherished, especially your time with Pietro. You two were definitely drawn to each other as you grew into your mid teens, but you never truly allowed anything serious to happen in fear of how Wanda might react.

About a year into your experiments at HYDRA, you gained healing like abilities along with some telepathy as well. After learning and controlling these powers you were excited for when you got to see Wanda and Pietro next to see what powers they had gained. But you never got the chance. HYDRA saw more use in you than petty armed fights, and shipped you off to god knows where and gave you the improved and experimental “super-soldier” serum. HYDRA informed Wanda and Pietro that the experiments became too much for you, that you were weak and had passed on. Pietro cried for days on end, and Wanda could hear him every night from her neighboring cell. Thinking you were dead killed his spirit, his soul. He never even got to tell you how he really felt. That you were so much more than just a fling to him. Meanwhile you trained for months on end and every week and were forced to have shock therapy to erase your past memories. HYDRA was making you into nothing more than a weapon, a shell of a person. After a few successful missions, that's all you were good for. So if you weren’t out on business, you were put under cryo-sleep. This went on for years.

It wasn't until 3 weeks after the battle of Sokovia when Sam had been questioning Wanda and Pietro about their time with HYDRA, he was able to locate another one of their secret human experiment facilities. Steve was hoping they’d make a break in that missing persons case of his but to no avail. However, they did find one abandoned soldier in cryo-freeze. You.

Now, of course it took months of isolation and small bits of normal human activity and interaction to erase what HYDRA had brainwashed you into. After about 4 1/2 months Tony decided it was time to move you into the new compound, but kept you restricted to your room. Others were allowed to visit you if they’d like, it was encouraged really. Get you the human interaction you needed.

Three days and no visits later, which you didn’t mind. It was nice being isolated somewhere with TV service.

Clint walked over to the kitchen island where Wanda and Pietro were having a conversation over a snack.

“Either of you meet the newest recruit yet? I hear she’s still in isolation.”

“There’s a... new recruit?” Pietro said, his accent thick as he spoke with a questioning tone.

“Yeah, Y/N something. Found her in cryo-freeze at that HYDRA base we raided a few months ago.”

Wanda froze, immediately looking to her brother who looked like a deer caught in headlights.

“Pietro... it can’t be her. You remember how she died in trials” Wanda tried to reason with her still love stricken brother after all these years.

“That’s what they told us, what if they lied? It wouldn’t be the first time.”

She just shook her head “it’s impossible, do you even think she’d still remember you?” Wanda inquired.

“There’s only one way to find out!” Pietro said, speeding off leaving a trail of blue streaks behind him.

He busted through the lab doors and stood about 5 feet from Tony, breathless. “What’s her name? Her full name.”

“Okay speedy, next time knock, yeah? And half of our team here is “her’s” so I haven’t the slightest clue who you’re talking about.” Tony spoke calmly, but frustrated that Pietro bursted in out of nowhere.

“The new recruit, Y/N.”

Tony looked over to the quick man and quirked a brow at him

“Well you’ve already got half her name down. She’s Y/N L/N, an ex HYDRA super soldier. You should go visit her actually, she just moved into the compound a few days ago. No ones even visited her y—“

“Where is she staying? what room is she in?” He asked, cutting Tony off.

“Floor 2, room 315... you know it’s impolite to cut off your—“ but before Tony could finish, Pietro had sped off again.

You sat into your room watching an old sitcom from the 2000s you felt drawn to. But before you could invest yourself any further there was a knock at your door. Something you weren’t used to. You hesitantly spoke, “come in” you said sitting up in your bed, fixing your hair a little in the process.

A silver haired man slowly walked in, he had broad shoulders and a toned body. He was attractive, no doubt. But he almost looked familiar to you. Why?

“Hello dragâ” he spoke with a Eastern Europe accent, but one not one you could exactly pinpoint. But you recognized the foreign word he spoke

“Hello... domnule. How do you know Russian... and why have you come to visit?” You questioned, swinging your legs over the side of your bed. The man at your door, he looked sad now. His face fell, but you didn’t understand why.

“You don’t remember me?” He walked closer to you, as you stood up from your bed.

“Well I don’t remember much after HYDRA brainwashed the hell out of me” you said with a slight chuckle, but he still looked disappointed.

“But maybe if you tell me your name and why I should remember you” you said with a smirk, stepping closer to the handsome man that stood in front of you.

“Can I show you instead?” He said, stepping so close that now your chests were touching. You enjoyed the human interaction but with your past training, this still left you on edge.

“Show me?” You questioned, but he took this rather as the go-ahead and snaked a hand around your waist and leaned down, placing a soft kiss on your lips. You wanted to melt into his touch but it was all too soon, and you didn’t even know his name. You pulled away abruptly and slapped him. Backing away as you sat back down on your bed and stared at your hands.

“Please leave.” You said just as quietly as you said when you allowed him to come in. When you looked up, the mysterious man was gone; your door left a crack open.

No one visited you for five more days after that. It was early into the evening and you sat alone in your room reading a book. There was a knock at your door but you didn’t answer it. The last time you agreed to let someone in they violated your boundaries. But regardless your door was still opened, but a new person you had yet to meet walked through.

She stood a bit taller than you and had long red hair, a kind smile and warm eyes.

“I hope I am not intruding.” She said, with the same accent as the man who invaded on your days before. Which again, put you on edge.

“Who are you?” You said, keeping your eyes on your book— desperately avoiding eye contact.

“Wanda Maximoff, but you can just call me Wanda.” She said sweetly

“Oh how sweet of you” you said dryly, still bitter over your last encounter with someone in the avengers compound.

“All you remember is pain” she said in an as-a-matter-of-fact kind of way. “But that’s not all you know, you just need to remember.” You now dared to look up at her. She was still at the door, keeping her distance from you.

“And how am I supposed to remember what you think I know?” You asked, and she took a step closer to your bed.

“I don’t think, I see. I can see inside your head, they did unspeakable things to you. Made you carry out violent missions that still haunt your dreams. You’ve forgotten what you know, your life before them...” Wanda paused, your eyes welled up gently with tears but you refused to let them fall. But she noticed.

“I think I can help you, if you’d let me” she took another step towards you, waiting for your reaction. But you stayed silent, fighting with yourself internally.

“We used to be friends, you know. You, my brother and I. He came to visit you a few days ago, and he knows what he did was wrong. He just missed you terribly. We have similar pasts. I want to help you, but if you don’t want my help. That is okay too. Regardless of what you choose, I still want to be your friend.”

You took a deep breath and stood up out of your bed. “How will you do it?” You asked, wanting nothing more than to feel normal again.

“A little bit of my magic, a little bit of love, and a lot of stories.” She smiled sweetly, taking your hand in hers. “I’ll be right back, okay?” You nodded quickly as Wanda left your room. You sat back down on your bed and racked your head wondering what you were about to learn about yourself. Wanda came back in with a fairly large box labeled “amintiri” which you knew meant “memories” in Romanian.

“Is everyone here Russian like me?” You questioned, giving Wanda a laugh “no, just my brother and I. Coincidentally, the only two who have visited you since you moved here.” You frowned slightly at her comment

“Why has no one else come to visit me?”

Wanda sighed “no one else knows you like my brother and I do. All they know is what you have done in your past, and that scares them.” She took the lid off the box she brought in and picked up a stack of photos that were tied together with a rubber band.

“But lucky for you, Pietro and I know more.” She said with a smile

“Pietro?” You said, quirking your head to the side a bit.

“He is my twin brother, the one who visited you last week. You two have... a history of sorts together. But we’ll get into that later.”

So with that, for some reason, you felt that everything was going to be okay.

And okay it was. Wanda showed you hundreds of pictures everyday and told the story behind every picture she pulled. Although you didn’t remember any of the memories she retold, it was still nice to hear what your life was like before HYDRA.

A week and a half later, she used her powers on you. At the time you remembered nothing, but later that night when she was showing you more pictures you pulled one picture out of the box. It was three little kids, all surrounding a brown chest that seemed to be filled with various sitcoms on VHS tape.

“This was on your 9th birthday, your father had bought a chest full of old American sitcoms. Not only did you love comedy but our family saw it as a great way to practice your English. Your favorite was The Dick Van Dyke Show.” You immediately recalled with great memory as you picked up the picture. Wanda jumped with joy and hugged you.

“You remembered!!” You nodded happily and hugged her back. “I remembered...” you said back quietly, almost in shock of yourself.

From then on memories came back to you not only easier but also a lot quicker. Soon enough, you remembered everything HYDRA had tried to erase out of your head. Even your feelings for Pietro. But you kept those memories to yourself, afraid that he would hate you after your first encounter with him when you came to the compound.

The last step Wanda had for you in what she called “Becoming You Again Project” was to have dinner with the rest of the compound, and finally be properly introduced to them.

So a dinner you all had. It was casual, but still felt formal as everyone greeted you so politely. Of course Wanda kept them all updated on your status. Even though they hadn’t met you yet, with her seal of approval they all trusted you now.

The last person to greet you was a face you could never forget now. Pietro Maximoff.

“Y/n... I know you’ve met a thousand times before, but I’d like you to meet my brother, Pietro.” Wanda said, elbowing her brother to stop staring at you and shake your hand. You felt weak at the knees under his gaze, was this how he’s always made you feel?

Pietro bowed down before you like you were some kind of princess and kissed your hand sweetly.

“Hello again, dragoste mia“ you felt hot under his touch and knew you were turning a beet red. You nodded quickly and smiled at him. He looked up and winked at you, walking to his seat. Which almost dreadfully, was directly across from yours.

After that you all sat down for dinner, Pepper had made a nice pasta dish for everyone. You ate quietly as everyone went around and told you stories of all kinds. Of past missions together, of personal life stories, and so much more. Truly it was a very enjoyable time. You loved getting to know everyone more than the files you were left in your room to “get to know the avenger” as Tony called it.

The night was almost perfect, if you hadn’t felt the gaze of a very familiar Sokovian man on you all night. He never even spoke, not that he had many stories to tell that you weren’t there for. The more stories that were told, the more you tuned them out and fell victim to his gaze.

But when the room fell quiet and you realized everyone's eyes were on you, you snapped out of whatever trance Pietro held you captive in and laughed nervously.

“I’m sorry, what did I miss? My mind was... somewhere else.” A few others laughed awkwardly, it was no doubt that everyone else noticed the constant looks you and Pietro were sharing. Tony stood up abruptly taking it upon himself to avoid the awkward silence.

“It was nothing important, Y/n. Anyways I believe this dinner was long overdue and very welcomed. We will be seeing you at training tomorrow?” Tony asked, starting to clear up his place.

“She can start on Monday, Tony. Let the kid have the weekend before she officially becomes an avenger, yeah?” Steve said, also standing up. Tony looked back at you and said “Captain's orders kid, see you Monday.” He said walking off, plate in hand. The others followed suit as you said your thank you’s for the warm welcome and goodnights to everyone.

Even if you didn’t make the dinner, you insisted on cleaning up. It was a nice way for you to feel helpful and to debrief after the dinner. Wanda left you alone and you cleaned the dishes happily while F.R.I.D.A.Y played some tunes for you.

“Mind if I lend you a hand, printsessa?” You heard a thick accent call out. You turned around to see none other than Pietro standing at the kitchen island with a smirk on his face.

“You’re not afraid of me?” You asked in a playful tone, although you weren’t entirely joking.

“Hardly, you could choke the life out of me and I’d say thank you.” He said, cheekiness radiating in his voice. You only laughed at his comment shaking your head.

“But just so you know, I used to do the choking in this relationship.” He said, daring to step closer to you. Your legs felt like jelly but you challenged him.

“Oh did you now? It’s a shame I don’t remember that.” You said teasingly

“But you remember other things? You remember me? Us? What we were?” His tone remained challenging, but his words were serious. You flirty front dropped at this, a small fear that he didn’t feel the same now coming back to eat you alive. You didn’t answer, rather turning back around to finish off the last of the dishes.

“You do remember me, and the times we shared together... no?” He said, carefully coming beside you.

“How could I forget? Of all the memories I was able to recall, those were the best” you said half-heartedly... not meaning to sound so bitter.

“But surely you’ve moved on...” you said quietly, staring at the dish you scrubbed aggressively in your hand.

“Oh dragâ mea” he said, taking a risk and placing one of his hands at the side of your face, gently forcing you to look at him.

“I never believed them when they told us you had failed your trials and passed on. I knew you were stronger than that, and the memories of what we had, kept me strong enough to escape from those bastards. I always had hope that you were still out there.”

You smiled brightly and tears brimmed your eyes, only this time you weren’t afraid to let them fall.

“I never stopped loving you, Y/n. Even when I thought you were dead.” And there went your tears, falling down your face as you turned to fully face Pietro as you wrapped your soapy hands around his neck.

“I love you too Pietro, the memories I have with you are the best ones I’ve remembered since I came back.”

He laughed lightly and brought his forehead to yours “so glad to hear you finally snapped out it, my love.”

“How could I have been so blind? I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you when you first visited me.” You admitted shyly

“It’s okay, I waited so patiently for years. A few more weeks wasn’t going to kill me” you laughed as your noses touched. His breath was fanning over your face and you didn’t dare break your eyes away from his.

“If you can promise not to slap me... we could always try that kiss again?” He said slyly, but you only sighed happily.

“I promise.” And that was all he needed. Pietro closed the small space between the two of you and pressed his soft lips to yours. The moment was nothing but pure bliss as you inhaled his sweet scent.

You pulled away somewhat reluctantly and smiled up at the man in front of you.

“Does that mean we’re together again?” He asked kindly

“Oh yeah, and good luck getting rid of me this time speedy.” You joked, tangling your fingers in the ends of his hair at the back of his neck.

“I wouldn’t dream of it, dragosté” he said, leaning down and bringing you in for a much more passionate kiss.

—

A/N

Ahhh hi everyone!! I truly haven't gotten this many imagines out in years and it feels so good. I turned on “The Greatest Showman” and five minutes later was struck with inspiration and somehow came up with this, which is actually kind of based off the song “Snap Out of It” by the Arctic Monkeys. I’ve been so obsessed with Pietro Maximoff/Arron Taylor Johnson lately, honestly it's ridiculous. Anyways I really hope you all enjoyed this imagine and remember, feedback is always welcomed and requests are encouraged!

Much Love,

—Skyler

402 notes · View notes

wicked-mind · 3 years

Text

Find Me

Summary: Bucky finds his peace with Sam in Louisiana after dealing with the Flag Smashers. But when nightmares of a woman he can’t remember start haunting him, he has to find the reason why.

Word Count: 6.1k

Warnings: Maybe some swearing somewhere? Sad Bucky at some parts. Spoilers if you haven’t seen the movies.

Note: I’m, like, super proud of this one for some reason? I hope you all enjoy it (:

All Writings Masterlist

Italics for memories/dreams

As always, any likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated! (: I love that shit.

*gifs not mine

The bunker hallway was ice cold, so cold he could see his own warm breath when he breathed. It felt like he had been walking down this hallway for hours, unable to find a way out. Once in a while he would hear a soft voice call his first name, James. It was a woman’s voice whispering in desperation for him. “Where are you?!” Bucky called through the hallway, “I can help you, just tell me where you are!” With no response, he continues his strides down the endless hallway. Every step he took closer to the end of the hallway that held a large metal door at the end it seemed like it shifted further and further away from him.

“You have to find me, James.” The voice whispered to him, her voice echoing through the hallway even though it was only a whisper, “Please find me.”

“I’m trying!” Bucky yelled out in frustration, turning his strides into a quick run. He ran as fast as he could towards the door at the end of the hallway but with every step he took towards the door, the further it shifted away from his grasp. He suddenly froze, feeling another presence around him. No, behind him. Before he could turn he felt two hands on the side of his temples from behind and sudden flashes ripped through his memory of his time with Hydra. Except everything and everybody was blurry except for a woman who stood back from the crowd, watching him with sad eyes, “Who are you?!” Bucky yelled, unable to move where he stood to look at who was causing these images through his head with their touch.

“Find me.” The voice said once more.

Bucky shot straight up from the couch, breathing hard from the nightmare. A few weeks after sorting things through with the Flag Smashers, these nightmares had started. Though they were different than just his usual nightmares. He never hurt anybody as the Winter Soldier in these nightmares, just saw the same hallway with the same metal door and the same voice whispering, pleading with him to find her. It was like now that everything was okay in his life again, something in his memory was trying to tell him something. Something about this woman he had to find. He took a few more deep breaths, calming himself down before making his way to Sam’s bathroom, splashing some water on his face to clean up the beaded sweat that covered his face and neck. He lifted his head to look in the mirror and for a moment he swore he saw the woman’s face in the mirror, making him jump. He turned quickly to see nothing there but the shower curtain. He ran his flesh hand over his face slowly. He would blame this on his lack of sleep from the nightmares.

Sam was in the yard, practicing throwing the shield he now could officially call his. He kept bouncing it around the trees before catching it, working on new ways to throw for offensive and defensive situations. He caught the shield as he saw Bucky making his way over to him with that tired, grumpy confused look on his face, “Another nightmare, tin-man?”

Bucky shrugs slightly at Sam’s question before stopping to stand next to him, “They’re getting worse. I saw the face to the voice this time. It’s a woman that was there during my time as the Winter Soldier. She keeps telling me to find her.” He sighs deeply, “I don’t know what all this means.” He said, taking the shield from Sam and throwing it at one of the trees set up with a mat before Sam caught it on its way back.

Sam hurled the shield at the tree, watching Bucky catch it with ease after it hit the bumper and flew back towards them, “And you don’t remember who she is at all?” He asked with an eyebrow raised. They always did better talking to each other when they trained otherwise it was usually just teasing or bickering but when they trained together it was different. They would talk about real things. Things friends would confide in each other.

Bucky shook his head, his brow furrowing, “I don’t remember who she is. But the way she looked at me in the dream… It feels like I know her.” He said, looking at Sam, “What if I do know her and she’s waiting for me to find her?”

Sam took the shield from Bucky, “Well you know what they say: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. So you better find her because the last woman we pissed off tried to end us all.” He said before throwing the shield at a tree without one of the mats as a bumper, causing it to embed itself into the trunk, “Now I know you aren’t much of an artist, but if you can manage to sketch up her face we can try having Torres run it through their system. Maybe give you some clues onto who your mystery woman could be.”

“James.” The voice whispered right in his ear as he stood in the long hallway. Although it was just a dream or nightmare, it felt like more. Like these reoccurring dreams or nightmares had been planted in his mind by whoever he was supposed to find. It was like their way of communicating, “What?!” Bucky yelled, his arms swinging up into the air in frustration, “What do you want with me?! Who even are you?!”

It was silent for a moment before the voice came back, “I need you to find me. You promised.” The voice whispered into his ear, causing him to turn but saw nobody there except the metal wall. He turned back and faced the door at the end of the hallway he could never reach, “I don’t even remember a promise or who you are!” He grumbled out which apparently earned a small chuckle from the voice that whispered in his ear in the empty hallway, “Find me and I’ll show you everything.”

Bucky looks around the hallway slowly, “Alright. I’ll find you. But can you at least give me a hint on where to find you?” He asks softly, watching for any type of movement or hints the voice may give him.

“The last time we saw each other was 2014.” The voice whispers to him before he felt a soft touch to his temples again but nobody was there, the hallway changing to him looking at himself as the Winter Soldier in a chair, talking to Alexander Pierce. This was the moment that Bucky had started to remember Steve after failing to eliminate him and Natasha. Before they brainwashed him again. It was heartbreaking for Bucky to watch himself look so confused and lost, like an abused animal at the hands of Hydra, “Why are you showing me this?” Bucky asks softly, his voice shaking at the memory.

“This was the last time I saw you. This was the last place we spoke before they brainwashed you again.” The voice whispered, “I never left.”

Sam watched Bucky zip up his black backpack and swing it over his shoulders, folding his own arms across his chest, “You think they have her at the bank where you were kept?” He questions, watching Bucky grab all the belongings he would need to head back to Washington D.C.

Bucky nods with a huff, “Yeah. She showed me a memory after I was sent as the Winter Soldier to attack you three on the bridge. She was there at the bank. She says she’s still there.” Bucky responded.

Sam nods slowly, processing the information before looking at Bucky, “I’ll go with you in case you need some sort of back up.”

The two made their way to Washington D.C. When it was Sam’s turn to drive, Bucky folded his arms and leaned back in the seat, closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep wondering what the woman in his dreams would show him this time.

“We’re coming for you.” Bucky said into the empty hallway, not even attempting to go for the door at the end of the hallway. He had done that enough times to know he would never reach it and it would just get further away. There was no response from the voice for his statement. Bucky sighs and looks and the floor before looking around him slowly, “Can you at least tell me something about you? I don’t know who you are…”

Suddenly a little girl appeared in front of Bucky, flickering into existence. She couldn’t have been more than sixteen, but those eyes were the same ones that stared at him sadly from the previous vision she had showed him. Bucky looked at her, his brow furrowing slightly at the sight of the young girl, “Is this you?”

“This is what I looked like the first time we met.” The girl said to him softly, “I was sixteen.”

Bucky took a few steps towards her but just like the door, every step he took she just got further away so he froze in his spot, “Why would Hydra want a young girl?” He questioned. In all of his memories of Hydra, there were never any kids.

“We met in 1951 before you were sent to aid Soviet forces in the Korean War. You met another super soldier there and came back without your metal arm.” The girl told him, her eyes flickering to his vibranium hand for a moment before back to him, “After that, when you were unfrozen with no missions, you were tasked with protecting me.”

Bucky tilts his head at her. She knew things. Things he never told anybody except Sam recently, “How do you know this? Why would Hydra keep you around?”

“They kept me around because I knew things. They called me a psychic or a seer.” The girl responded, “When my powers peaked…” She paused, her body changing into an older version of herself, “They kept be frozen with you until I was needed to tell them how your missions would go.”

Bucky watched her body change but he still didn’t recognize her and he wondered why. He had searched his mind for years, thinking he got back every memory but he couldn’t remember her, “Why don’t I remember you?”

“Because both of us decided it was better for you to not remember me until everything was okay again.”

Bucky opened his mouth to ask another question but everything faded in his dream to black, the last thing he saw was the woman turning and walking back towards the door.

“Buck! Wake up, man.” Sam said, nudging Bucky’s shoulder with his hand, “We’re here.”

Bucky opened his eyes to look up at the Ideal Federal Savings Bank which had been used by Pierce to house the Winter Soldier until he was needed. He swallowed hard at the sight of it. The last time he was here was after he pulled Steve from the river after taking out the Hellicarriers. He had come to kill the remaining Hydra scientists but let one live, not wanting more blood on his hands before he began a life on the run. He got out of the car silently, Sam on his heels as he walked into the bank. He made his way to vault where he was kept, remembering how he questioned Alexander Pierce on who the man on the bridge was, saying he knew him before getting his memory wiped again.

Sam looked around, all the Hydra technology had been taken and it was just an empty vault now, “You sure this is where she said she was?” He asks, looking around at the walls lined with small lockboxes. Some were opened but others were still locked shut.

Bucky nodded, looking over to Sam, “Yeah..” He replied, his fists clenching at the memories. This was the last place he wanted to be.

“I don’t suppose she told you where…” Sam said, walking around the vault and trying to find any hints.

“Nope.” Bucky said, moving around the room also to take in everything. On every wall the lockboxes were open. Except one section in a corner of the room, the lockboxes were shut and didn’t have any keyholes. Bucky tilted his head at them slightly before throwing a punch with his vibranium arm and just as he suspected, it was a false wall. He pried the wall apart with his strength until he was looking down the hallway from his dreams with the large metal door at the end, “That’s the door from my dreams.”

Sam walked over to look down the hallway, “Alright. Let’s go get your mystery woman.” He said, following behind Bucky down the long hallway.

Bucky felt as though the closer he got to the door it would get further away like in his dream, but that wasn’t the case. He crossed the hallway and put his hand on the handle to the metal door, sighing in relief slightly that it was real and he wasn’t going crazy or stuck in one of his dreams. He looked at Sam who nodded saying he was ready for whatever was on the other side before pulling it open. The two entered the room, looking around before their eyes fell on the cryostasis chamber. It was similar to the one Bucky had been placed in with Hydra. It was all steel with a small window and through the window, Bucky could see the face of the woman from his dreams looking like she was sleeping but ice covered her face and hair, “She’s here.” Bucky said softly. She was older, different from the teenager he saw in his dreams.

Sam came up beside Bucky to look inside at the woman, “So she’s been frozen here since 2014 and nobody has known?” Bucky looks at Sam and nods, “Yeah. Seems like she was an even more well-kept secret than the Winter Soldier was.” He said before backing away and going to the control panel. He hit the edge of it with his hand until the screen flickered on, pressing all the correct buttons to release the woman from the cryostasis chamber. They watched the ice around her slowly melt before the door popped open slightly. Bucky moved to open the door, catching the woman’s body in his arms and gently laid her down on the floor. Both Sam and Bucky kneeled down beside her, waiting for her to wake up.

The woman’s eyes blinked open after a moment, her eyes scanning the ceiling first before looking at Sam with a confused look. Then her eyes laid on Bucky. Her hands quickly came up and her palms touched either side of his face, her eyes turning white as she touched him before she drops her hands and closed her eyes again, passing out.

Sam watched the ordeal with wide eyes, “What did she just do? Buck?” He asks, backing away a little from the now unconscious woman.

Bucky breathed deeply, looking at the unconscious woman before back to Sam, “She showed me a past memory I didn’t know I had. It was her telling me everything was going to be okay before Pierce had my memory wiped again. Telling me that you and Steve would help me.” He said, partly confused. Why didn’t he remember that until she touched him?

Sam’s eyes flickered between the two confused, “As much as I would like to know the whole story right now, we should probably get out of here. This building is condemned and I don’t think the government would be happy with us poking around an old Hydra base.”

Bucky nodded in agreement and gently lifted the woman in his arms, following Sam out to the car and gently laying her in the backseat before they headed back to the safety of Louisiana. The two had a conversation as to whether it was safe to bring her back to Sam’s home but Bucky told him that he felt as though they could trust her. She had helped him before so why would she be hostile towards him now. The whole car ride, Bucky and Sam kept checking the backseat to make sure she was still asleep which she was. She hadn’t moved an inch. When they got back to Sam’s, Bucky gently lifted her from the backseat again and into the house, laying her on the couch before sitting on the coffee table waiting for her to wake up.

Sam and Sarah were having a conversation in the kitchen about how Sam always managed to pick up strays but Sarah was a good host and a kind heart. She started cooking up some dinner when Sam told her the mystery woman had been frozen since 2014, figuring she would probably be hungry when she woke up.

Bucky looked up from the floor when he noticed the woman’s fingers twitch, her brow furrowing slightly before her eyes opened slowly, no longer white and back to their original color. She did the same thing as when she woke up from the cryostasis chamber, looking at the ceiling before looking over at Bucky. She slowly sat up, rubbing her hand along the side of her head as if she had a headache, “You found me…” She breathed out.

Bucky nodded, watching her closely. Sam and Sarah had gone outside with AJ and Cass when she started to stir awake just for safety in case they were met with hostility from her. He watched her sit up before passing her a glass of water, “You have a name?”

The woman took the water, drinking the full glass before passing it back to him and meeting his gaze, “Y/N.” She told him.

Bucky narrowed his eyes at her, trying to recognize any piece of her but couldn’t besides what was in his dreams, “Why did I have to find you and why don’t I remember you?” He questioned sternly, still unsure of Y/N.

Y/N kept her eyes on his, her hands gripping the edge of the couch, “You promised you would find me.” She responded in a soft voice, “It was safer for the both of us if you didn’t remember me until the time came where you were at peace.”

“How did you make it so I didn’t remember you?” Bucky questioned, wanting answers for the months he had been having the dreams of the hallway and her whispers.

“I’m a psychic… At least that’s what Hydra liked to call me. They used me to see the future of your missions as the Winter Soldier, making sure they would be successful. They used me to help create Project Insight.” Y/N responded with an even voice, “What they didn’t know is I could show you your past after you were brainwashed. Leaving little notes in there in hopes you’d remember who you were one day, able to escape Hydra. I saw your future after they sent you to eliminate Captain America and the redhead. I knew you’d remember your friend and from there you’d be able to become free.”

Bucky’s brow furrowed slightly, “You can see the future and the past?”

Y/N nodded slowly, “Only if I touch you. There were times where they wouldn’t freeze you and had you protect me in the facilities. They were worried someone would take me for their own gain within Hydra. Those moments we had alone I would touch you and help you remember who you were before you became the Winter Soldier. We were friends, believe it or not.” She told him, “I can show you if you’d like.”

Bucky nodded after a moment. The only way he could believe her was to see for himself.

At the nod, Y/N shifted forward slightly on the couch towards him. She slowly lifted both of her hands and placed them on his cheeks, her eyes turning white as she started to show him memories she had sealed away in his mind.

Everybody was speaking Russian in the memory. There was a tall man who was barking orders at Y/N to search Bucky’s future as the Winter Soldier.

“I will! I can’t concentrate with you watching me. Give me some privacy.” Y/N snapped back in Russian at them. She wasn’t thirteen in this memory but older, maybe around twenty one. Once the guards had left her alone with the Winter Soldier, she turned towards him. He was staring at her with emotionless, cold eyes. Y/N bit her lip and lifts her hands to touch his face but paused for a moment, “I’m sorry they’re doing this to you, Bucky.” She whispered to him in english which earned a head tilt of confusion from the Winter Soldier, “Right… You don’t remember me… Here.” She said and presses her hands to his cheeks, her eyes turning white as she flooded his brain with memories of his past self.

The Winter Soldier’s gaze softened as he saw the memories and when she pulled her hands away, he lifted one hand to catch hers, “Y/N…” He whispered out to her in english.

Y/N smiled slightly and nodded, “Hello again, Bucky.” She said softly to him.

Bucky leans his head back and closes his eyes, “Where are they sending me now?�� He asks, his voice cracking as the memories of all he’s done as the Winter Soldier flooded his mind but also grateful that he could remember who he was. James Buchanan Barnes.

Y/N bit her lip softly, “I’m not sure… They’re sending you to retrieve some super soldier serum I think.” She gently stroked her thumb over the back of his flesh hand.

Bucky looked at her with wide eyes, shaking his head, “No… We can’t let them do that. There can’t be more like me.” He told her, gripping her hand tighter in his.

Y/N sighs softly, “I know. I’ve already seen the future of it. It’ll be okay… There won’t be more Winter Soldiers that make it to the light of day but you have to complete this mission. It’s part of the path to get you away from Hydra.”

Bucky scanned over her face with sad eyes, “What about you? You need to get away too…”

Y/N smiled sadly at him, “My time won’t come for a long time, Bucky. But you’ll find me one day when everything is as it should be.”

“No.. We should just get out of here now… I can protect you.” Bucky said, leaning closer to her and staring into her eyes. She was his saving grace, the only kind person he had known since he had been taken by Hydra. The angel on his shoulder that kept him from falling into complete oblivion in his mind. She always brought back his memory whenever they were alone and he was beyond grateful to have her with him.

Y/N shook her head at him, “I can’t. There’s things in the future that are still a little fuzzy… depending on what path certain people decide to go down.” She told him, “One day you’ll get me out of here. But first we have to focus on making sure I keep you going down the right path towards your peace.”

Y/N pulled her hands away from Bucky’s face, making the memory fade away from their minds. She watched Bucky closely for his reaction, biting her bottom lip.

Bucky breathed deeply as the memory flooded his mind. It was like it had just been unlocked and he knew every movement he had made as well as Y/N, all the feelings he felt. He looked at her slowly, “Y/N.” He said, “You would bring me back to myself, help me. Then you’d lock the memories away so they wouldn’t catch on… I remember you.”

Y/N nodded towards him with a small smile, “Yeah… I would show you everything but it may overload your brain giving you back all those memories at once.” She told him, “But I can keep showing you little bits.” Bucky nodded instantly toward her, grabbing her hands and placing them on his cheeks, “Please… I need to see… Remember you.” He whispered out to her in a pleading voice.

Y/N smiles at him before her eyes turned white, showing him another memory.

“I killed them…” Bucky whispers out to Y/N as they sat alone in a room. It was December 18th, 1991.

Y/N gave him a sad smile, lifting a hand to stroke along his cheek gently, “I’m sorry, Bucky… It wasn’t you. You didn’t have a choice.” It was the same thing she told him every time he came back from a mission and restored his memories.

Bucky shook his head, tears welling up in his eyes, “I don’t know how much more I can take, Y/N… I don’t want to be this person anymore…”

Y/N bit her lip, keeping her hand on his cheek and gently stroking the tears that fell from his face, “I know… It’s not too much longer. Everything is getting clearer and you’ll have your peace soon. You’ll be Bucky again.”

Bucky looked at her, leaning forward and grabbing her free hand that wasn’t on his cheek, “You promise?”

Y/N nodded towards him with a small encouraging smile, “I promise. Your story as the Winter Soldier will come to an end. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“I know…” Bucky breathed out, looking down from her eye contact before looking back up to meet her eye line, “Y/N, you’re…. I don’t know how I could get through this without you… You always bring me back, remind me this isn’t my fault." Y/N sighs softly, “Because it isn’t your fault, Bucky. There is no blood on your hands. Only the hands of Hydra and what they make you do as the Winter Soldier.” She reminded.

Bucky nods slowly, squeezing her hand in his, “You know… Under different circumstances where we both weren’t prisoners and forced to do awful things… I think we would’ve been good friends.”

Y/N rolls her eyes at him slightly, “I think we are already best friends, Bucky.” She told him with a small smile, “We are the only friends each other has right now.”

Bucky smiles slightly at her before dropping his gaze again, “I want to ask you something, Y/N…” He began, “You can say no if you want…”

Y/N raises an eyebrow at him, “Ask away, Bucky.”

Bucky stayed silent for a moment before looking up to meet her eyes, staring at them intently. They were eyes he had learned to love, they were his life line in moments like this, “It’s been god knows how long since I’ve felt some sort of comfort… some sort of… love.” He said, watching her closely for any reaction, “Will you…”

“Kiss you?” Y/N asks, which Bucky looked at her a little shocked before remembering she can see the future. She stood from her chair she was seated in, moving closer slowly and leans forward, keeping her eyes on his before pressing her lips gently to his, her hand gently stroking his cheek while her other stayed in his hand.

Bucky moved his free hand up to behind her neck, pulling her closer and kissing her again before pulling away and scanning his eyes over her features as he didn’t want to forget this moment or her face. His eyes suddenly saddened as he heard someone coming from outside the room, “Someone’s coming, doll… You have to make me forget…”

Y/N smiled gently and strokes her fingers along his face, “It’s okay, Bucky. You’ll remember one day…” She said before her eyes turned white and she locked away the memories of him as Bucky and returned him to the Winter Soldier.

Bucky looked at her as the memory ended, tears stinging his blue eyes as they formed. He stood up, running his hand through his dark hair before looking back to her where she was sitting and watching him closely, “I…” He started but couldn’t finish. He moved to sit beside her, “Show me the last memory of you.”

Y/N nodded and once again placed her hands on his face, her eyes fading to white again.

Bucky was in the Ideal Federal Savings Bank. Glimpses of his past being found by Zola after he fell from the train… the metal arm that replaced his one left arm seared through his memory. He sat there as one of the scientist restored his arm before he punched him away, frustrated at the memories that were returning. He stayed seated in the machine used to put him through his mind treatments, strip away his memory. He looked up when Alexander Pierce came in, taking a seat on a stool next to him.

“Mission Report.” Pierce demanded.

Bucky sat there, staring blankly ahead as Pierce repeated the demand before backhanding him across the face. Bucky’s brow furrowed in confusing a little as he turned to look at Pierce, “The man on the bridge… Who was he?”

Pierce stared at Bucky, “You met him earlier this week on another assignment.”

Bucky looked away from Pierce as he tried to piece together what happened, “I knew him.” He said softly, his eyes wondering over to meet Y/N’s for a moment who was looking at him with her head tilted as she listened before his gaze returned to Pierce.

“Your work has been a gift to mankind.” Pierce told him, “You shaped the century. And I need you to do it one more time. Society is at a tipping point between order and chaos. And tomorrow morning we’re gonna give it a push. But if you can’t do your part, I can’t do mine.” He paused, watching Bucky look away in confusion, “And Hydra can’t give the world the freedom it deserves.”

Bucky tilts his head and looks back towards Pierce, “But I knew him.” He repeated, his lips pressing together in a line at the pain of trying to put his reality together- his memories together.

Pierce sighs before standing, “Prep him.”

One of the scientist look at Pierce, “He’s been out of Cyro too long…” Pierce looked back at Bucky who was staring off sadly, “Then wipe him and start over.” He told the scientist before turning his attention to Y/N, “You do your thing first.”

Y/N stepped forward, looking at Bucky then to Pierce, “I’ll need the room. There’s too much going on in here… I’ll get confused.”

Pierce narrowed his eyes at her then nodded, “Give her the room.” He said, walking out of the vault followed by everybody else in the room.

Y/N went to sit on the stool beside Bucky, watching him look at her sadly, “It’s okay. I won’t hurt you.” She told him but he stayed silent. She slowly placed her hands on his face, her eyes going white as she restored his memories of the past, “Don’t talk..” She whispers only audible enough for Bucky to hear her, “The time has come, Bucky… They’re going to wipe your memory one last time… You’ll be okay, I promise… This is the beginning of the end for the Winter Soldier and Hydra… I’m going to seal your memories of me until the right time… then find me, okay?”

Bucky watched her carefully, listening to every word she said. He blinked at her slowly to tell her he understood, trying to contain his emotions in this moment.

Y/N smiled slightly at him, “Don’t worry… I’ll be okay.” She whispers to him, “We’ll see each other again someday and I’ll show you everything you’ve forgotten about us.”

Bucky moved his metal hand ever so slightly to touch her thigh and squeezed it gently with a saddened look in his eyes, being careful as to not let the guards outside the open door see. He had so much he wanted to say to her: Thank you… I’ll save you… I’ll find you… I think I love you. But he couldn’t say those things.

Y/N gave him a knowing smile before it faded away, her eyes going white as she sealed the memories of herself with him deep inside his mind until the right time came for him to find her. She then searched his future for what was going to happen next, seeing him fight Captain America but recognizing him at the last moment and saving him from the river. Bucky was going to be okay. He would be himself again one day, not the Winter Soldier and then he would find her when he found his peace. She stood up and stepped away from him, looking at the Winter Soldier who still had those sad eyes. Y/N turns to Pierce as he came back in, “Everything will go according to plan.” She lied, “Project Insight will be successful.”

Pierce nodded then motioned for one of the guards to take her back to Cyro, freeze her until she was needed again. She took one last look at Bucky as they put the mouthguard in his mouth before starting the memory wipe, listening to him scream through the mouthpiece until she couldn’t hear him anymore and was thrown into the cryostasis chamber where she would wait to be saved by him.

As the memory faded, Bucky looked at her, reaching up his own hand to touch her cheek. He remembered all the feelings he had for her. He was grateful, thankful for her always bringing him back. Assuring him everything would be okay and that he would have peace in the future. His blue eyes scanned over her features, taking in the face that he had forgotten. The face that saved him. She was like an angel that had always been perched on his shoulder, watching over him, “Thank you… For everything you did for me.” He told her softly, “I’m sorry it took so long for me to find you, to save you.”

Y/N smiles slightly, “Don’t worry about it. I knew exactly what was going to happen. I’m glad you’ve found your peace, Bucky.” She said softly.

“Why didn’t you let me come find you before now?” He asks softly.

“I couldn’t. I saw everything that was going to happen to you. Zemo… Thanos… The Flag Smashers..” She whispers, “If I was around for that, I would’ve just been used as another pawn for them to get their way. You couldn’t find me until there was peace.”

Bucky nods slowly, keeping his hand on her cheek, “There were things I didn’t tell you, that I couldn’t tell you the last time we saw each other.” He told her, “All our time together… All the times you reminded me who I was and saved me… I think I fell in love with you.”

Y/N smiles slightly, reaching a hand up to place it on top of his on her cheek, “I knew all of that too, Bucky. You didn’t need to say it. I knew from the way you kissed me that one time. The way you looked at me the last time we were together.”

“I would like to do that again… Now that you don’t have to make me forget.” Bucky says to her, leaning towards her slightly, “All those things I felt for you… I still do. I just needed to remember.”

Y/N nods towards him, “I still feel all those things for you too.” She whispers out as she watched him lean closer and closer to her, her eyes locked on his, “We have a very bright future together, Sergeant Barnes.”

Bucky smiles at her, “You would know, doll.” He whispers before pressing his lips gently to her’s, smiling against her lips as she kissed him back. He moved his hand from her cheek to the back of her neck, pulling her face closer to his while his other arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer to his body. Bucky had waited for this moment most of his long life and hadn’t even realized it until he found her again.

___________________________________________________________

Permanent Taglist: @buckypops @stcrryslibrary @bibliophilewednesday @redhairedfeistynerd

#bucky barnes #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #james buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes #winter soldier #winter soldier x you #winter soldier x reader #winter soldier x y/n

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vidavalor · 3 years

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I can't help but notice that back in the first episode, Walker referred to Sam and Bucky as "Cap's wingmen" to Sam, implying that he doesn't really view the relationship between them as anything but this. He sees the Captain as the show and his backup as sidekicks. As much as Walker did genuinely care for Lemar, he also treated him like this in the group settings the whole show. He does all the talking, doesn't introduce Lemar to Sam and Bucky, who have to ask him who he is. Lemar could temper Walker a bit but Walker still sees himself as the show and Lemar a tool to help with his success more than anything else. Why does this matter in the context of Sam and Bucky?

Because John uses the word 'partner' to Bucky twice in reference to Sam and this implies that he can tell that Sam and Bucky roll differently than he does and treat one another differently. But Walker thinks this is dumb because Sam doesn't have the serum and Bucky is stronger physically. He doesn't get why Bucky doesn't act like Walker himself does-- in the leadership role, with Sam following as his wingman.

Bucky replies that Sam has dealt with worse than Karli (and clearly, ironically, means The Winter Soldier in part here, plus Thanos, etc.) He is making it clear that he doesn't see Sam as lesser than him because he's not a supersoldier-- that it isn't all about brute force. In saying this, he's saying that Sam has strengths to bring to the table that are not super physical strength and Bucky respects them. (By contrast, try to imagine Walker recognizing that Lemar had similar strengths. Imagine him saying it aloud, in front of other soldiers, including ones who were objectively physically stronger than him. Impossible, right?) Just by saying this, Bucky is showing another kind of strength that he possesses that John does not-- he's man enough to be a good, respectful partner. Which brings us to that word...

Bucky adds that Sam isn't his partner. This can be read a lot of different ways and has several overlapping meanings that are all probably a bit correct. On one level, he is saying they aren't working together as partners. (Even if the show has proved they are.) They still haven't really defined what it is they're doing together to one another and like hell is Bucky going to let John Walker be the one to label it, right? On another level, saying Sam isn't his partner is saying he doesn't view it that way because he is actually there to back up Sam. He's following Sam. Sam might see Bucky as a partner (even if they haven't discussed this) but Bucky might see it more as his role to back Sam up, similar to how he backed up Steve during the war. Sam, likely, wants to be more partners and has been allowing Bucky that space-- it is what they have evolved into-- but it isn't as clearly defined between them yet. But there's also the other use of it...

Walker, the physical embodiment of toxic masculinity, is attempting to bully Bucky a little, using words because he can't possibly best him physically at this point. The use of 'partner' from Walker comes off as aggressively sexual so here is a case of Walker being that asshole on the football team that we all know he was, trying to look bigger and tougher and more macho through thinly-veiled harassment of guys around him who dared to be comfortable with backing each other up and showing any caring openly. It is worth noting here that we have seen Sam and Bucky's whole evolution in the works here but Walker was just shown two guys he had no idea were arguing with one another because they put up a completely unified front in front of him. To Walker, this all is a little much for him and he tries to slander it by implying that it is gay, which he sees as not masculine.

Bucky denies being Sam's partner here for the already mentioned reasons regarding how they work together and that kind of partnership but make no mistake, he knew exactly what Walker was saying. So, another way of interpreting it is that Bucky was answering not in terms of the field work (where they do act as partners, really, even if Bucky might still be viewing it as something a little different... and, if he is, I hope Sam sets him straight on this being equal footing)... but I think Bucky was answering it regarding the sexual/romantic partners that Walker was trying to call them. But he did so in a way that is protective of Sam and makes him, ironically, a good partner.

Bucky is the character, remember, whose experience in the modern world included testing out and not minding casually outing himself as interested in men in the first episode, to a woman he was on a date with, no less. This isn't to say he's torn off the closet door from the era he grew up in in which he would have had to have been into men in secret. One thing he does get though is this kind of asshole like Walker that has sadly not evolved since the 30s. He responds in a way that he means to be protective of Sam, which is to say with his tone essentially "no, John, actually we are just like this because we aren't assholes like you and even if we were, we would still be better than you." But even if you think Bucky and Sam are already a thing by this episode or are aware of each other's potential feelings, Bucky isn't denying it to Walker as if it's something that makes then vulnerable or lesser as men. He doesn't have the same definition of it as Walker does.

Bucky is responding in a way where his tone says he gets what Walker was implying, thinks Walker is shit for not having a clue when it comes to what being a man is, and then casually answers the question as if Walker had meant field partners because, of course, that's what he meant, right? He makes Walker look stupid (which he is) by answering with word choice that says he didn't get the insinuation, even if his tone says he totally did. So, why not just be like "and so what if we were fucking, Walker! We still could kick your dumb ass anyday!"? Because Sam.

Because Bucky, who knows what it is like to be a soldier forced to sometimes be around guys like Walker, likely does not yet know how Sam approaches it. He likely doesn't know if Sam is out. The canon plays it as if literally everyone just assumes Bucky is bi or gay or basically anything that isn't straight but Sam is a different story. Bucky is not about to out Sam in front of everybody. He likely doesn't know yet how out Sam even is with others or how he feels about it. Out of respect for Sam, he's not about to let Walker's attempt at deriding them get anywhere. They literally could have been sleeping together for awhile now and Bucky is still not going to do anything about others knowing, least of all John Walker, unless or until that is what Sam wants and based on the canon, I would doubt very much if that had been a conversation they've already had by Ep 4.

But Walker, the terrifying awful dumb fuck, tries it again later-- this time, not in front of Sam. He saw what Bucky was doing, understood it, was embarrassed by Bucky making him look like a fool so what does he do? He bullies again. He goes at the core of Bucky in the way only the worst bullies can. He does it when Sam had to be in there alone, with a supersoldier, and Bucky is confident in Sam and giving him the space to do his thing, and then Walker lashes out at this less macho and violent plan to Bucky, calling Sam Bucky's partner again, trying to twist a knife by saying how could Bucky leave Sam in there and does he want his blood on his hands?

It's unspeakably cruel. But you might me mistaken if you think Bucky gave in here, even if it was a worry he had as he always worries for Sam because he cares and he has lost so many people and hurt so many that thinking about it happening again hurts him deeply. Bucky didn't verbally respond to Walker's taunts-- he did something much stronger than words could convey.

He didn't deny any definition of partner for Sam to Walker and he let Walker see how cruel he was by tearing up a bit, the pain in his eyes. Walker had no idea what to do with this. He had been trying to make Bucky angry. Instead, Bucky is silently strong enough to show how he feels *without* masking it all behind a macho, angry cover like Walker. Bucky's face says it all: yeah, you asshole, I love him. Yeah, I'm worried I could hurt him and have his blood on my hands. But also yeah, I survived being the Winter Soldier-- in general and just recently-- and I go to therapy now and I'm making amends and I'm free. Freer than you will ever be because which one of us will tear up and be a little afraid for another man and show him open care in this episode and which one will respond to pain with violence that begets nothing but more trauma and pain? Which one of us, Walker, is a brainwashed soldier and which one of us is a strong, decent man trying to be a good friend and partner? Which one of us, by the end of the episode, will make his partner feel like he'd take the serum in a heartbeat and which one of us will respond to his partner's fear at being vulnerable with "I'm going with you"?

He didn't speak a word in that scene but man. Whew. When it comes to toxic bullies?

Bucky Barnes can do this all day.

#sambucky #sam wilson #bucky barnes #john walker

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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 3 years

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Can we take a moment to talk about what a tragic character Minerva is? Y’all know that for the longest time I haven’t been the biggest fan of her, and honestly I’m still not? but I think I might’ve had a breakthrough on why that is.

Whenever I’ve asked around to see why people find her so appealing or why they consider her their favorite, I’ll get answers like, “she’s such a complex character and she deserved a redemption arc!” or “she should’ve come back to the school with us! Let Minnie be happy, you cowards! Telltale did her dirty! I could write paragraph after paragraph about her!” all sorts of things along those lines… but like, no one seems to want to actually talk about her. I find that interesting? Since when I do follow up with a “care to explain further?” I get nothing. Radio static. Like…. no, talk to me please, I just wanna understand-

Minerva within the context of TFS is such a tragedy. She grew up in a school for troubled youth where all the adults left them for death at the start of the breakout, they had walkers trying to eat the living all around them, and I’m sure she saw her fair share of traumatic violence and despair… but on the bright side, she always had her twin sister, Sophie, and little brother, Tenn. She had her friend and eventual girlfriend, Violet. She had music, and a dorm full of pretty paintings done by Sophie. She and Louis composed a song together to make everyone feel better. There are worse places to live than the school.

Then one day she got traded away to a bunch of raiders against her will, having no idea what the hell these people were gonna do to her and Sophie. They were made to be soldiers to fight in a war that had nothing to do with them. The delta fucking broke her. If we’re to believe Lilly’s story about the twins, they started their brainwashing process early on when Sophie was still alive, and it seems like Minerva was easier to control as Sophie was still planning a way out and causing trouble. Then, when Sophie convinced her to steal a boat and get the hell out, they got caught and the delta forced her to murder her own twin sister.

Like…. I’m sorry, not only did Minerva kill her own sister, but she was made to believe that was the right thing to do? That line she says about how she had to prove her loyalty to the place she calls home? That shit’s ingrained in her brain, you can tell that isn’t the first time she’s heard or said that very thing. That is what made her family to the delta. Delta is her home now, her family. Sophie was just a thing that needed to be dealt with. You keep your head down, do as you’re told, and you survive. You survive and you get to go home, eat a hot meal, take a shower, and be with your delta family. If not, you end up like Sophie.

What’s also fucked is that Minerva actually cares about these people now. Think about that. After everything they did to her and made her do, she’s been trained to see them as her family and obey. When you save Louis and he kills Dorian, Minerva actually cries out and is visibly hurt by her death. When she’s with the other raiders on land, she's screaming at walkers to get away from them. She cares about the people who made her kill Sophie… and no one ever talks about that??

She fucking hates Clementine. Clementine is just another thing in Minnie’s way. I know the part of the fandom likes to ship these two together and they think it’s hot when they fight and shit, but within the canon text, Minerva wants Clementine gone. Dead. She is the thing stopping her from having her old family merge with her new family. If Clementine hadn’t made them fight, they all would’ve been captured and they’d all be a delta family now. She would’ve had Tenn back.

Clementine is the problem, she made everyone fight back and that’s why people are dead. Minerva hates her for it… it’s not a “I hate you but like the sexual tension, y’know?” that I see people pretend it is, it’s “you are ruining everything and if I have to, I will kill you myself and I won’t give a second thought about it when they toss your body overboard.”

Like….. seriously, think about how fucked up all of this is. Minerva is a husk of who she was before she was taken away. Sure, you do have to keep in mind that when Tenn and Violet are describing her, their sights are a bit clouded, y’know? But I do believe that she was someone who was kind and cared about people, she wanted to make people feel safe and comforted.

Now she’s a brainwashed soldier who won’t help the people she used to call friends when they’re about to get limbs cut off. She won’t hesitate to knock someone unconscious or threaten a child. She’s willing to trick them into being captured with no regard for what’s going to happen to them. … all she knows is this was the mission, and now they all get to be together again back at the delta.

Then when she finds out there’s a bomb on the boat, she ditches Violet to blow up with it in order to make it to land herself. She loses her shit seeing everyone die and gets her face chewed off by a walker… and then she tries to blow Clementine and AJ up with a grenade.

Oh, and who can forget the fact that she tracks the group down with plans of murdering Tenn so that they can go to a better place together? And she’ll take down anyone who gets in her way?

Like….. jesus christ, Minerva’s waaaaay too far gone. It’s awful.

I think that’s what stumps me about why she’s so loved in the way that she is. It’s not that I don’t understand why she’s complex and well-written, I get that perfectly fine. She’s a compelling character study when you comb over all her scenes and take different factors into account.

What I don’t understand is why we tend to just throw everything interesting about her away? For what?

These days, I never see anyone talking about any of this unless they’re insisting she deserved a redemption arc which…. Eh, I’ll touch on this later. What I mostly see here and mostly other platforms is how great it would be if she and Clementine made out, or hey what if she and Violet got back together if she did come back to the school? Or they just….the best term I have for this is “uwu-ify.” As in she’s reduced to a caricature of a tall, pretty, mean, white lesbian who has “good damage.”

People insist that Telltale are cowards or bastards because their predictions of her turning on the delta to save Clem and crew didn’t happen. Instead, Minerva ends up being the final baddie you gotta get away from, and she ends up taking someone down with her. But did you really expect to just do a 180 and suddenly decide being brainwashed for over a year was lame and Clementine and friends are cool? Gonna help them out and be with Tenn again? Sure, there’s some left over trauma but love conquers and fixes everything, right?

Uh…. no? That’s not how people work? Honestly, if we entertain the idea that Minerva wasn’t bit and somehow didn’t murder Clementine when they all got back to the school…. romance is the last thing she is ever gonna think of??

I think that’s what bothers me most when reading these au’s and rants about redemption and the entire idea of clemerva as a whole. It’s the same thing that I see happen with Violet- Minerva only has value to fans if she’s in a wlw relationship. By herself, she doesn’t matter. They don’t care about her canon story, they don’t care about Sophie, they don’t care about discussing what could’ve happened if she and Tenn reunited under better circumstances or had a healing recovery together. But why?

Throwing a girlfriend at her isn’t some band aid that’s gonna cover up all the bad she went through?? Having an enemies to lovers romance with Clementine isn’t going to fix a years worth of brainwashing, trauma or the fact that she murdered her own sister and the delta told her she's proved her worth to them??

Having the support of those around her is a good thing, don’t get me wrong. The idea of the Ericson crew as a whole trying to help her out and do the best they can to accommodate her is bittersweet since there’s only so much they can do. They’re not trained therapists, which is what Minerva would need and plenty of years ahead of her to work through and come to terms with everything that happened as well as taking steps forward. I’m not saying that she shouldn’t have friends or that she couldn’t have a healthy romantic relationship someday... but that isn’t the solution, y’know?

I don’t know how else to explain this, but it makes me feel weird that all of this stuff is flat out overlooked or doesn’t appear to matter to fans of her.

Look, I get it. We all want these characters to be happy. AU’s are a thing, after all. Sometimes we want to forget about the bad things and focus on the good that bring us comfort. You wanna gush about the idea of an AU where the twins never got traded, the raiders didn’t exist, and Clementine got to meet them the way they were before? I feel that, AU’s are super comforting and fun to explore, and my point isn’t to try and shame anyone who has an AU you like this.

Hell, you think I don’t have days where I pretend mute Louis isn’t a thing because the whole concept of Louis having his tongue cut out of his mouth breaks my fucking heart? No, lot’s of days I just want to forget everything about that route, I want to set aside all the bad and just intake as much clouis fluff as I can get…. But that doesn’t mean I always ignore or refuse to acknowledge the bad just because I don’t like it. I fucking hate the fact that Louis loses his tongue when you don’t save him, but guess what? That’s a canon route you can play, just like any other route, and the possibilities that come with a mute Louis are vast and compelling.

This is how it is for me… my favorite characters are my favorite for a reason, and I take all the bad with the good. Louis isn’t perfect, and I don’t want him to be. I was to dive into his backstory about why did that to his parents, I like to talk about what he went through with Marlon’s murder and his feelings about AJ and Clementine at the point, I like to view his love of music as bittersweet. He can stand on his own, and while he is a love interest for Clementine, that isn’t his only purpose.

I know everyone’s different, they express their love for characters in their own ways, but I do have a genuine question: do you guys actually like Minerva?

Believe it or not, I’m not trying to step on toes or make everyone feel defensive which I know is how people will react to this. “You’re just saying all of this to make us feel bad for shipping clemerva! You don’t even like Minnie so you don’t get to say shit!” yeah yeah, I hear you and look, it’s true that she’s not my favorite character. I know I’ve said I hate her in the past but upon reflection and throwing out fandom interpretations.... I don’t hate her. I get it now. She’s a great character study to dissect and analyze and I think she deserves more than what the writers and the fandom have given her.

And yeah, what I do hate is clemerva, and I’ve explained why. It’s not for me, it makes me uncomfortable, but at the end of the day, who cares? Me not liking it doesn’t mean anything to those who create AU’s for them. They have their reasons, they can do as they please as long as they’re not hurting anyone. I’m just here pointing out things I see and things that bother me in hopes of starting a discussion.

There’s my ramble about Minerva. I’m gonna go make some tea now.

#twdg minerva #twdg clementine #twdg sophie #twdg tenn #twdg violet #twdg louis #twdg marlon #twdg lilly #twdg aj #twdg

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sgtjbbhasmyheart · 3 years

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Drunk Texting Is(n’t) Bad for Your Health- Chapter Seven

Series Summary: Talk about your unconventional meet-cute! Bucky receives a text by mistake requesting he prove he’s not Reader’s sister. The easy dialogue between Reader and Bucky sparks a natural friendship, but could it lead to more? Bucky still deems himself unworthy of any form of affection or love. Reader is hellbent to prove him wrong. With the help of some (meddling) friends along the way, Bucky may get his happily-ever-after after all.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 2684

Warnings: ANGST, bad language words

A/N: Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your love and support for this series! Everyone who has liked or reblogged this week after week means the world to me!

A/N 2: I split their date into 2 parts because I wanted to give perspective from both sides. Enjoy Bucky’s POV first!

DO NOT copy or replicate without my permission.

An anxiousness bubbled up inside Bucky as he and (Y/N) stepped out of her office building and onto the crowded Manhattan sidewalk. It was five o’clock, meaning every other yuppie in New York was trying to get somewhere as well. Walking shoulder to shoulder with her felt like a feat in itself. Everyone around them seemed to be heading in the opposite direction, and they were fighting against the current like a pair of spawning salmon swimming upstream.

With his size and stature, most passers-by gave Bucky a wide berth. But with (Y/N), they didn’t. They jostled her like a small boat caught at sea during a storm; they gave her no mind in their rudeness. She fought to stay astride him as businessmen shouldered past her like a runningback fighting to make it to the endzone.

A feeling of protectiveness washed over him. Longing to whisk (Y/N) away from her place on the dirty cement increased with every step. The defensive surge fizzing right below the surface wanted him to tuck her into his side and glower at anyone who dreamed of coming close.

Bucky couldn’t, of course. He had to play it as if they’d only met a few days ago, no matter how much he wanted to. Instead, he grasped her empty hand and led her through the swarm of fellow New Yorkers.

(Y/N)’s hand was warm inside his, and the very thought of him touching her made his pulse quicken. The reaction wasn’t unpleasant. Though, it fuzzily reminded him of his teenage years. He was nearly one hundred years old! He shouldn’t be acting like a lovesick fool.

But here he was- swooning over a girl like he was fifteen again.

Bucky felt a yanking on his arm as (Y/N) pulled him from the stream of rushing bodies. Unmoving, at the edge of the rush, he found it was easier to breathe again. The fretfulness bled away once they were standing still.

He peered around, questioning why they’d stopped. Wedged between two high-rise buildings was a squat cafe. The shop’s window front beamed onto the footpath like the mecca it was, calling bystanders in from the street. Above the green striped awning over the entrance spelled out Deja Brew in colorful, blocky letters. Bucky chuckled at the play on words.

Towing the door open, (Y/N) tugged him in further.

Stepping inside the brightly lit coffee shop, Bucky was blanketed by the overpowering scent of fresh coffee grounds. It was potent, hanging thick in the air. Taking a deep breath in, he was transported back to a rickety kitchen and a second-hand table, where he and Steve would take their morning coffee and breakfast. The smell reminded him of simpler times. Times before all the trouble Hydra had caused. He let go of a nostalgic sigh.

“Right?” (Y/N) asked, standing at his side. He’d nearly forgotten she was there. “I love it here. It always feels like coming home.”

Bucky grinned down at (Y/N), understanding how she felt. The exposed brick walls, the tidy, destressed floors, and the primary colors being strewn about the space gave him a sense of sentimentality.

“I come in here several times a week,” she explained. “Not just because it’s convenient, but it reminds me of growing up.”

Bucky nodded in agreement, taking in the warm atmosphere of the quaint shop. “I get that.”

The pair strolled up to the counter and, presumably, the barista taking orders. Without looking in their direction, the young man in an apron spoke in a monotone, “Welcome to Deja Brew. What can I get started for you?”

A smile slowly crawled across (Y/N)’s lips. “Hey, Bryson. Didn’t know you were working tonight?”

Bryson’s head whipped up so fast; Bucky thought it might detach from his shoulders. His cheeks dimpled, and the corners of his striking green eyes crinkled into a bright smile. “Hey, beautiful!” Bryson beamed. “I’m doing a double--covering for Kari. I wasn’t expecting you tonight.”

“You know me,” (Y/N) said with a tinkling laugh. “Just can’t stay away.” Bryson replied with his own laughter.

A flare of jealousy twisted unexpectedly in Bucky’s gut. Was (Y/N) flirting?

Bucky supposed he could consider Bryson classically handsome. He was taller than Bucky with short, sandy brown hair and broad shoulders. His muscular frame filled out the black polo shirt he wore, but he wasn’t overly bulky- like he played baseball in college. There was a smattering of light freckles over his high cheekbones and straight nose. And eyelashes to rival Steve’s.

Was this his competition?

Bucky grumbled to himself and gritted his teeth as he watched the two giggle over some inside joke. There was an envious gnawing behind his ribcage as Bryson leaned onto his elbows over the countertop, inching closer to (Y/N). That was his girl!

Without warning, like a shaken soda bottle, his voice exploded from his mouth, dripping annoyance, “I’ll take a medium Americano, a chocolate croissant, and whatever the lady is having.”

Shocked back into the present by Bucky’s gruff words, Bryson shot upright. His startled green eyes shifted from (Y/N) to Bucky and back again. Bucky could barely contain his eye-roll as the other man feigned busyness after being caught slacking. It was apparent Bryson only had eyes for (Y/N), or he would have noticed she wasn’t alone, despite Bucky standing mere centimeters away from her.

Possessiveness tingled at Bucky’s fingertips, and the compulsion to wrap his arm around (Y/N)’s waist was strong. He wanted so badly to reach out and pull her close. Show this punk who she belonged to.

Regardless of his feelings, though, Bucky had no claim over (Y/N). He’d known her as Bucky for a scant three days. He imagined she’d known Bryson a lot longer. He couldn’t profess his desire to be hers in such a short time, no matter the urgency. It would come off as weird and controlling.

So, he resolved to bite the inside of his cheek and grin and bear it. He could bide his time, right? He’d waited seventy years. What’s another seventy more?

Bucky cringed internally at the thought of waiting.

“(Y/N), you know this guy?” Bryson inquired, acting as if he’d finally grown a pair, with a bite to his words.

Bucky’s pulse fluttered as (Y/N) turned to face him, a smile on her lips and something sparkling in her eyes. “I do,” she said. “He’s my date.” She grinned bigger with a cute scrunch to her nose as she said date.

Bryson’s eyes widened in alarm, then quickly narrowed in suspicion as he observed the flowers (Y/N) held. Bucky wondered, momentarily, if he was the first guy (Y/N) had ever brought into the shop. Was Bryson just as jealous as he was?

It wasn’t until he saw the almost imperceivable head tilt to get (Y/N) to step away from Bucky’s side did he realize what Bryson’s genuine concern was about.

(Y/N)’s brow furrowed in confusion as she took a stride to her right.

In a hushed whisper, Bryson asked, “You know who he is, right?” Bucky’s super-hearing picked up every word.

(Y/N) unsuccessfully tried to blink away her uncertainty, causing her eyebrows to pinch together further. “Who exactly is he, Bryson?” (Y/N) pondered, an edge of irritation leaking into her speech. She crossed her arms over her chest, drawing her sweater tighter around her body.

Bucky could hear it in her voice. (Y/N) knew precisely what Bryson had meant and was trying to draw it out of him.

“You know,” Bryson said, not even trying to whisper anymore. “He’s that guy.”

(Y/N) cocked her head to the side a fraction. “You mean the guy who the US government exonerated for any and all crimes he may have committed as The Winter Soldier? You mean that guy?” (Y/N) deadpanned, uncrossing her arms. Bryson stared at her blankly.

“What about the guy who got drafted into a war unwillingly?” (Y/N) continued. “Or the one captured by the enemy and experimented on against his will?” Her hands curled into fists as the tension in her body rose. Bryson’s eye contact suddenly became very jumpy, unable to focus on her now and for a good reason.

“How about the guy who fell from a train- survived- and had his arm barbarically amputated?”

Bucky watched (Y/N)’s hands tighten further, blanching her knuckles of any color. He shuffled forward, ready to jump in if need be. Although, she was doing a good job holding her own.

“Don’t forget about that one guy who was tortured and abused, brainwashed, and forced to commit unspeakable atrocities for over seventy years, all in the name of a cult,” (Y/N) stated, pressing her palms flat against the countertop and ducking her head, trying to catch Bryson’s eye. His face flushed visibly in embarrassment.

“In case you aren’t caught up on your current events, Bryson, that guy’s name is Bucky Barnes,” (Y/N) spit sardonically.

Bryson raised his eyes at this, and the look on his face darkened. “Regardless of whether he was brainwashed or not, he’s an Avenger,” Bryson sneered, his gaze sliding to Bucky. “And that makes him dangerous.”

What the hell was this guy’s problem? Bucky wondered, wanting to wipe the smirk off his smug face.

(Y/N) let out a humorless huff of a laugh. Her lips spread into a thin line. “No more dangerous than the possibility of being struck by lightning or getting hit by a subway train.”

Bucky chuckled inwardly as Bryson flexed his jaw in frustration. (Y/N) was really getting to him.

Bryson’s expression morphed into something more sinister. “I mean, are you really going to take the word of some ‘expert’ from a third-world country that he won’t turn into a murder-bot again?” The air-quotes in his tone punctuated the contempt he undeniably felt.

Anger blossomed in Bucky’s chest at the degrading mention of the Princess of Wakanda. He owed everything to Shuri. If it weren’t for her, he definitely wouldn’t be in New York right now but on the run again. Shuri saved his life.

Bucky took a step toward the counter, intending to do something, anything to shut this jackass up. Instead, (Y/N) placed a calming hand to his sternum, stopping him from doing anything rash. The look of disdain on Bryson’s face amplified the longer (Y/N)’s touch lingered on his body, and that was equally as satisfying as causing this prick bodily harm.

“While your concern is unwarranted,” (Y/N) assured, “it’s also unwanted. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

She gazed up into Bucky’s blue eyes fondly; a charming smile curled at her lips. “Besides, I don’t think he’d hurt a fly now.”

“It’s your funeral,” Bryson mumbled under his breath. (Y/N) didn’t catch it, or she paid it no mind.

The affection Bucky felt for (Y/N) at that moment swelled exponentially. He was in love with her, he realized. It was no longer just a crush.

No one, other than Steve, had ever championed for him as openly or as forcefully as she had just then. The adoration accumulating in his heart felt like it would erupt at any minute. She made him want to believe in love again. She made him think he might be worthy of that love someday.

He’d have to find a way to earn it, somehow.

Staring into her beautiful face and seeing compassion and empathy made him want to press his lips to hers. He still couldn’t believe she’d found him on accident. It was all so serendipitous.

There was one crucial roadblock obstructing his path to happiness, though. One he couldn’t possibly ignore for much longer without consequences— figuring out how to tell (Y/N) he and James were the same. But how?

Until then, he’d enjoy the ride.

“Hey, Bryson,” (Y/N) vocalized, her timbre a saccharine sweet. “I’ll take a medium iced mocha with extra whip and a white chocolate raspberry scone as well.” She winked at Bucky.

A scoff came from low in the pastry case causing Bucky and (Y/N) to titter in laughter.

“Wow. That was-” Bucky started, trying to find the words to explain how her coming to his defense made him feel.

(Y/N)’s pupils dilated, the gravity of the situation sinking in. “Oh, my God!” she said in a near panic. “I’m so sorry!”

Bucky smiled at her warmly. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.” He brushed a stray hair from her cheek delicately, his fingers dallying along the soft skin. The palm of his hand settled just below her ear, on the side of her neck. His thumb bobbed up and down with every clench and unclenching of her jaw.

“You must be so sick of hearing the same argument over and over again. People deciding your guilt or innocence based on first glances,” (Y/N) murmured, finally dropping her hand from his chest.

Bucky wondered if she could feel the pounding of his heart through all the layers of clothes he was wearing. “It’s nice to have a cheerleader, for once,” he answered honestly.

The corner of (Y/N)’s mouth quirked up. “I’ll always be in your corner, Bucky.”

His stomach dipped at her words’ implications. He whole-heartedly believed she would. “Thank you.”

(Y/N) shrugged in response. Over her bouncing shoulder, Bucky caught a glimpse of Bryson scowling at the two of them from his spot at the espresso machine. Bile churned in his belly. Bryson was turning into a nuisance, like a mosquito at a summer barbeque.

Bucky brought the hand at (Y/N)’s neck down to her upper arm and rubbed it gently. “Why don’t you find us a seat. I’ll finish up here,” he said, giving her a lopsided grin. She returned the gesture and nodded her head in acquiescence, sweeping past him.

Bucky followed her movements through the coffeehouse as she picked a cushioned bistro set positioned near the front windows. The waning light of the day cascaded through the clear glass, highlighting her delicate, feminine features. She was breathtaking.

Turning to face the dreadful barista, the grin on Bucky’s lips faded into a frown.

Bryson set their order down roughly on the register counter and proceeded to punch in the items on the touchscreen. He remained silent, mulishly waiting for payment. The death glare he wore seemed to be permanently etched into his features now.

Bucky could tell he was seething; the vein in his forehead throbbed with every beat of his pulse. Instead of engaging, though, Bucky smirked and slid a twenty-dollar bill toward the other man.

Bryson angrily scooped up the money. He bent his head closer to Bucky, gnashing his teeth. “If you hurt a single hair on her head, I will burn you to the ground,” he taunted, reaching into the till for change and tossing it on the counter.

Bucky’s expression never faltered. His exterior remained composed, cool as a cucumber. Inside, he raged like a bull seeing the color red. He wanted nothing more than to mop the floor with this asshole’s face. Alternatively, he gathered the littered change and dumped it all into the tip jar sitting beside the register. He stared Bryson dead in the face, a ghost of a smile still clinging to his mouth. “And if I ever hear of you treating (Y/N) with the blatant disrespect you showed her today…” Bucky paused, his voice calm and controlled. He leaned forward, pushing in closer to Bryson’s ear. “They’ll never find your body.”

The joy he felt coursing through his body as Bryson’s eyes stretched to the size of saucers and his Adam’s apple wobbled as he gulped in fear was indescribable.

Bucky gathered their drinks and pastries, pivoting towards the table where (Y/N) sat. He shouted over his shoulder as he walked away, “Have a good day, Bryson!”

Chapter Six (Part 2) | Chapter Eight

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