#yeah I could ramble about this for hours

[crabsnpersimmons]

exam 5 for me... tomorrow!

honestly have been feeling really nervous for this exam since my classmates have either failed it or just barely passed. and i had less time to study this time around because i rushed to book the exam.

so i drew this little encouragement early cuz i need the reminder that no matter what happens tomorrow, i did what i could and i didn't compromise on my boundaries—and that is its own victory.

and i hope that you'll be reminded to celebrate your own big and small victories too!

"You are nervous and that's okay! You did your best! You set boundaries! You took breaks! We're so proud of you, Starlight! Whatever happens, we'll always be here, cheering you on!"

#fnaf sun #fnaf eclipse #fnaf moon #fnaf dca #dca fandom #crab art #bright colours #traditional art #self-insert #my OC Esther #on a funnier note (gonna ramble) #i realized today that i could technically bring a sprite to drink in my exam #we're only allowed water in a clear drink container without any labels #so like... sprite is clear enough to work right? #and if they ask about the bubbles i'll just say it's sparking water #(i hate sparkling water but they don't need to know that) #but yeah might do that cuz i think the sugars will do me some good #3 hour exams are inhumane #anyways going to sleep now because i need sleep more than sugar #the worst thing that could happen is i fail and i have to pay another $115 to retake the exam and i receive the disappointment of my mom #i could buy a sun and moon plushie with that money #maybe even an eclipse plushie too #so the stakes are pretty high i think #if i pass i'll buy those plushies hehe #maybe just one for now because i still have more payments to make for my program #okay okay no more rambling going to sleep now

[turtleblogatlast]

[ cw: sacrifice / self sacrifice / slight suicidal themes / death mention / ]

I personally think that Leo took the wrong lessons from the movie. I definitely think he grew to understand the importance of teamwork and making sure he takes others into account so as to not harm them by proxy of whatever scheme he has cooked up, however based on the ending events I’m not quite certain he fully grasped two things.

The first thing is communication. Oh, he can communicate, and he does, when he deems it necessary. When he’s setting up a plan prior to the action. But this is where the second thing comes in.

The second thing I don’t think Leo truly grasped is “it’s not about you.” It’s so unbearably easy to take that the wrong way, especially when taking the rest of the series into account.

What I believe Leo took from this message is not “it’s not just you, everyone matters and can contribute, can help and be helped” but “put the whole of everyone above yourself” which can both be a good lesson…and a fatal one.

And it is fatal, we see as much in the movie.

Even after the big hope speech, when Leo is “fighting” Krang!Raph, he takes a huge risk. Sure, it worked, and Leo managed to get through to Raph through a well deserved apology, but it could have so easily ended in his death and yet he barely even hesitates to go for it.

And then again, to the big scene at the end, where Leo sacrifices himself not only for the sake of his family, but for the whole world.

To him, that’s the message to take from this. That the lives of everyone, of the greater good, matters…more than him. That the risk to himself is worth it if others can be saved.

Leo learned that gambling with his life as the betting chip is always the best move to make in the end.

And to make matters worse…this thinking is what works.

These risks are ultimately what is needed to save the day, so why would Leo look away from it now? Clearly it’s the right move and everything worked out!

Thing is, Leo did grow from the events of the movie. He learned to take things more seriously and be more mature, he learned to value his team’s input and capabilities enough to rely on them more, and he learned to be less self-centered and realize the turmoil others were going through (especially if that turmoil is a result of his actions.)

But still, he’s grown to accept the gamble of his life as a viable answer to their problems.

Personally, with how Leo has been shown to toy around with the idea of “it’s better me than them” I think this goes beyond sacrifice in the name of love or even sacrifice in the name of responsibility, and pushes over into sacrifice in the name of worth.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rottmnt headcanons #rise leo #death mention / #sacrifice / #self sacrifice / #suicidal tendencies implication / #I honestly could go on for hours but this is all a kinda messy ramble rn #but yeah like…I genuinely can’t see how Leo doesn’t take the wrong message from this all #sure he gets a lot of good growth but #he’s a gambler at heart #it’s just now he’s only willing to bet *himself* #ONCE AGAIN- #‘I’m nothing without them’ and ‘it’s not about you’ can and do mix into quite the dangerous cocktail huh #thing that gets me here too is that a lot of what Leo has to learn in the movie is things he already showed moments of knowing in the show #like Leo KNOWS what his family is capable of and can rely on them if necessary #the problem is when it’s necessary #and he grew to understand that it’s actually ALWAYS necessary…except at the very end #leo is also often the voice of reason throughout the series…but he also often folds and just goes with the flow #he’s goofy like that lol #and tbh he likes to RELAX #that’s a pretty subtle but pretty substantial part of his character #imo at the beginning of the movie Leo KNOWS he’s being immature and THATS THE POINT #they’re still kids man #they’re all just kids #but yeah #I keep rambling and rambling but Leo really is such a tragic character in the grand scheme of things #he’s so utterly fascinating to look at because of how many layers and complexities he has but I just want to give him a hug and let him rest

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

The ''Are you trying to romance me?'' meme but with Barnaby and Howdy

i belted this out in like a half hour flat <3 bc Yes

#AH FUCK I FORGOT TO PUT SOMETHING ON HOWDY'S TAG #listen listen this was done in a bit of a rush!!! i wasnt paying much attention!!! #i was thinking about what to have for lunch which is always a Very distracting topic #anyway thank you for introducing me to this meme it fits them So Well i think #like in my mind barnaby could do literally anything and howdy is off to the side all 'god... hes so attractive.... i need him' #scribble salad #rambles from the bog #laughingstock #barnaby x howdy #howdy x barnaby #thinking about them alwayyyyssssss #theyre so damn GOOD together what the Fuck is it about them!!! #i know i say this every time but agh! AGH!! #wait... no wait yeah i Do know what it is about them. ive Realized. #AGH THEYRE SO GOOOOODDDDDDDD #the boyfriends the husbands the Fluffy Fruity Pals <3 #alright time for lunch and then its back to packing & the five hour shrek video essay #unless im consumed by the laughingstock thoughts that are fighting to take over my mind again #i need to draw wormie

[writing-hat]

man I'm rewatching skybound (help) to focus on the misfortune crew so here's a kinda long ramble about Flintlocke and Nadakhan friendship below

the way Flintlocke's voice shakes when he says to Nadakhan he's doing a mutiny. when he says "stay right there"

I know it's most likely from fear, but I wouldn't be surprised if this was out of a broken heart too like- it's his captain. one he has most likely spent years at sea with. the one he'd trust with his life, and must've done so. most likely his best friend. AUGH

And how Nadakhan reacts to it, too! he gets angry, he doesn't believe what he's hearing! how dare they not trust him? (gee I wonder why)How is Flintlocke daring him to change things around?

Can you imagine watching someone you care about diving into some kind of infinite madness, and you not able to do shit about it? And it's not like Flintlocke could help much. Since yknow Nadakhan just lost all his people in a single moment after spending 300 years inside a teapot, and after losing the one he loves, too. And he sees something is wrong the moment he sees Nya. He knows Nadakhan too well, and I take it he's used to the captain sharing plans with them if he's already hella suspicious when Nadakhan doesn't tell him what he has in mind when coming back from Djinjago

And he's not the only one; like the whole 'close' crew (as I like to call them) notices how their captain is kinda getting distant? and losing it

But like what are you supposed to do about that? especially since they're pirates, and the captain has to be kind of scary if he still wants to handle psychopaths under an iron grip of some sort

And they were ready to trust him. To the end, I guess.

fuck! Nadakhan just ruined all that was left to him during skybound, didn't he? what a fucking idiot.

And Jay was this close to do the same with his own friends huh (NOT TO THAT EXTENT GUYS COME ON-)

I just love to think of parallels between Jay and Nadakhan. Cole and Flintlocke. The obvious (? I'm not really sure about this one) but awfully made Delara Nya one (not saying I made a good one in my fic either but eh)

But they're pirates. They're not good people, and Nadakhan is a fucking bitch. You have on one side how Arrakore dealt with the loss, and on the other, Nadakhan's, who was probably so used to being a prince and stuff he just- ugh.

But that doesn't mean they don't have emotions, which I'm trying to write about

also I'm noting Clancee probably noted Nya resembling Delara when he gave Nadakhan the newspaper. But he didn't say anything. Hm. I'm keeping that in mind.

anyway. back to writing I goooo

#ninjago #skybound #ninjago nadakhan #flintlocke #hat's words #if you have more to say or think I'm wrong somewhere please do tell! I'm not the best in analyzing stuff lmao #but yeah #I'll forever be mad about the wasted potential of the Misfortune crew #mhmhm #I'm trying to finish the Doubloon one-shot #I swear to god there's so much to do with this dude #he's a ninja? and a pirate? fuck yeah #I guess what I'm trying to say is I could ramble hours upon hours on my thoughts about those pirates people

[queen0fm0nsterz]

thinking about the Lady again and she actually is the Character Ever.

Starting off with her design. How ridiculously simple it is, right? Her yukata is plain brown and has a single layer, her wig (and yes, I am positive what she wears is not her hair but a wig soley because of how easily it comes undone... that kind of hairstyle is meant to STICK when done with actual hair) has no decorations befitting a woman of her powerful status and her mask is nothing but... empty. You could mistake her for a mannequin and you wouldn't even be wrong. It's by design, after all: she is as insanely important, as a figure, as she is anonymous as a person.

But then, it's with amusement that you note that that boring, unexpressive mask is called the "Rascal's mask" when unlocked. It's such an oddly affectionate nickname stemming from a person so utterly despicable. And then you notice her hair. Her long, black hair that should be hidden under her wig, as the hairstyle goes, but are instead hanging out freely. Not very traditional at all, right? You could almost read it as a small act of defiance of... something. Now, what that thing is, I doubt even she knows. Maybe it's just her way to seek individuality without having to step into zones she does not want to touch.

And then, of course, the lack of shoes. It's not uncommon for people to wear slippers in the house - especially for the Japanese - but she just... doesn't. In that small, small way, she is similar to Six - and every other child in the Maw running around barefoot. Except she's above running, of course. She's got the privilege of floating like a ghost so that she may never touch the ground.

(The only time when this rule is broken is when she fights Six, poetically enough. You can see her visibly step back.)

These strange little things are the first things that push you to wonder about her as a person. Not the title, not the Lady of the Maw: the individual behind the mask. Who is that person? What is she like? Is there a way to answer these questions? I think yes, if you know where to look - but is it worth to ask these questions considering what she does?

That depends on you. Me personally, I think there is narrative worth to be found in what she has to hide. Her foil, Six, finds value in the aspects of herself she does not hide: she is very unapologetic in her selfhood. The Lady isn't, for the most part.

(I wonder if that would make her envious of her younger counterpart in a different context?)

Frankly, looking back on her choice of attire, the fact that her personal bedroom is barely decorated is not surprising. She only has the essentials: a bed, the vase with the key, a few pictures of importance (of people long forgotten, herself included no doubt) and... an ungodly amount of misplaced clothes all over her quarters. All the same yukata, repeated over and over, maniacally folded and arranged in towers, but never where they're supposed to be.

A bedroom is the reflection of yourself. Of your inner world. The fact hers looks so barebones is quite telling about who she is. Or isn't. She herself may have some trouble trying to figure that one out.

I think that, in a vacuum, it's easy to assume that the reason she's so displeased by her reflection is soley out of vanity. That is definitely part of it, but I don't think that's all there is. Because after seeing the mannequins that all look just like her, the four women in the picture who also wear her same exact clothes... and that hidden quote.

This quote, which is from Alice in Wonderland. Specifically from a conversation in which Alice expresses how she doesn't recognise herself anymore because of how many times she grew big and small during the course of the day. She is not the same person she was before entering Wonderland.

I find the way she clings to the dolls and the music box to be much more... sombre when keeping this in mind. In a way, that scene is reminiscent of Monster Six clinging to her music box in the chaos of the Tower; an attempt to attach to something safe. For the Lady, it's even more personal. Those are her toys. Her song. No one can take them from her and claim them as theirs. These materialistic tomes are physical proof of her identity. She likes dolls, and she likes to sing that song from her music box. Surely, that much is something.

But a ceramic toy and an old music box are not really enough to placate the inner turmoil. Hence the broken mirrors, the hidden statues... the hung down portraits with their eyes scratched out - from times of the past. There is a person looking back in the mirror which she does not recognise. That can't be her, right?

It isn't. The reflection is but a faux image of her outward appearence. The inside, however... much like this concept art shows, she is melting away. Rapidly decaying no matter how much she tries to stick to her youth.

Because at the end of the day, that's what she's doing, no? The toys, the music box, her appearence... all of it, just to cling a bit more to the person she used to be. Point being that I doubt even she remembers what she used to be.

You'd think a person like this would be inclined to feel at least some sympathy for all the lost children wandering the Nowhere. A sense of kinship, perhaps, or even just... basic human compassion. She has proved to have very human emotions, after all. This is where she proves you wrong. Whenever you think she's stepped the lowest, she always goes lower.

In her humanity, she is brutal. Relentless, ruthless. She offers no sympathy to anyone and has no empathy to spare either. She is very much aware of what's going on under her roof: she not only allows the Maw to continue being the way it is in spite of having the power to change things, but she actively engages in its despicable practices. She has petrified children in her quarters, as well as their ashes - of which the use is unclear - and then she is responsible for the Nome population and exploitation being so large and so eerily heavy. She's twisted necks, broken bones, murdered innocents.

The Shadow Children are, to me, one her greatest offenses. I don't think they serve any particular purpose other than... being there because she wanted to make them. Children ripped away from their life because of her whims. Not even in death can they rest because she can get her hands on their souls. They're nameless, forgotten shadows with blank masks: they're just like their creator, in that way. Ripped of all individuality and devoid of everything.

Everything she sees, the Lady devours. Not a creature is safe from her shadows and her wrath, especially if they come and actively intrude in her activities. She's twice as aggressive if the Maw is at stake.

The Lady's personal bedroom has another motif piece which I did not previously mention: the Maw wallpaper. While Roger and the Chefs have wallpapers that portray them with her, the Lady... does not. She only has the Maw. She's not part of that picture.

The Lady can't let the Maw change its ways. She is the Maw. The Maw must survive: so must she. To change the Maw would mean challenging herself enough to bring about a change; to her, who does nothing but lament what she lost, that would be too much effort. Too outside of the comfortable zone where she can survive in peace. Miserable, but unbothered.

... For the most part. Until Six comes around.

#the lady #carols.txt #ln meta #{dude i dont even know where i was going with this #if it seems like this post comes from a place of love it does #not at her as a person but like as a character. i find her so interesting and i feel oddly tender about her writing #usually when this happens its because i see pieces of the person i could have been in a character (like scaramouche for example) #but this time its from the completely opposite perspective #i am a person with a very clear idea of who i am. i know what my identity is and i am not afraid to express it #so witnessing a character with such a confused identity is both alien and fascinating to me #i wanted to focus more on her atrocities and how capitalism is what changes a person but its... 2 am and i am sick rn #i spent an hour literally vomiting my ramblings on this post #as a person and what she stands for i despise her. as a character i wish to put her in a security blanket and see how she gets out #this post feels terribly personal for some reason. like whatever . shes not even allat #im lying she literally IS allat #idk i love well written female characters who feel like people and dont fit in a specific convenctional box. sue me #< goes for six too #not opening *that* can of worms rn but. yeah} #little nightmares

[cult-of-the-eye]

I'm going to bash my head into a fucking WALL

#i have to write two essays tomorrow #and i forgot about it until yesterday #and they're on like 2 horrifically massive topics #and i might die #so im stress revising #and trying to cram all of napoleons policies into my head #im telling myself its literally fine #im fine #its fine #im good at this #napoleon doesnt have anything on me #i am so fucking good at napoleon #HELL YEAH #POSITIVE MOTHER FUCKING AFFIRMATIONS #I COULD WRITE A BOMB ASS FUCKING ESSAY ON NAPOLEON #YEAH I CAN #I AM AMAZING #my little sister said “i do great at history” #she said im not gonna be great. #im gonna be excellent #i have like an hour and a half tomorrow to go through it as well #rambles #cult rambles #vent #stress

[abluehappyface]

I'm going to post what is I guess a story relating to my personal experiences being on this earth. This is mostly for my benefit. Look if you want I guess, but just know that there will be some potentially triggering stuff, but I don't know what it is, so I can't tag it right now

My Life as a Monster

You stare at me like I'm some sort of beast, a thing merely meant to be caged. Something you feel the need to be protected from. You watch, knowing that I can't get you from your bedroom window, at the spectacle you think I am. You aim your camera at me, the flash reflecting off the glass I sit behind, as you film and photograph me for no other reason except that I'm here. When I'm among you, you stare at me with mocking gazes, your eyes becoming yet another set in an endless number of pairs that make their way to dig into mine. No matter how well I think I'm camouflaged, you always sniff me out, and then you let me know how I'm unwelcome here.

I'm especially afraid of women. All humans my same age startle me, but women more so. Women have always been more scornful to me. They told me how unwanted I was for me to hear. They shunned me from their groups, leaving me an outcast as a child. Women do not like me, I know this as fact.

Their actions are always deliberate. Humans make it a point to leave me out, to the point I feel I'm not one. I may have lost my humanity, turned into a beast, or maybe both at once, but I know for certain that there are times where human is something I'm not. I may be the monster stuck inside a human husk that I think I am, or perhaps I'm an outcast being overdramatic, but I know that humans do not like me. I do not fit in. I am but a beast.

As if being ostracized as a child wasn't enough, you continue to gawk at me. What have I done to receive your judgement? Why must you hunt us beasts? Mother doesn't understand why I don't leave the cave, as if I ever could. If I leave the cave, the humans will stand watch, waiting to scout me out.

My existence is a worldly secret, and a secret I shall stay. If I seek out a place amongst the humans they will reject me. No human will want me as a partner or friend. I am a beast in a world where existence is a joke. To avoid their mocking eyes, the cave is where I stay.

I know humans are resilient beings, that they can choose to change, that acceptance of us monsters is not unheard of, but I do not depend on it. When you've lived the life of a beast, you prepare yourself for scorn. Your hopes mustn't be up too high, else you'll fall and break your horns. I wish I was the fuzzy, colorful beast that humans love, but I am not. I am a dark, shaggy beast, with curled, antler-like horns, fangs, claws, and eyes that glow white in darkness. I am not a friend to them, I am something to be hunted.

As much as I love being my beastly self, I fear being myself is what's causing my downfall. I don't want to change to make myself palatable to the humans. They do not deserve it after what has happened to me. Even so, a monster like me still wonders what connection can feel like. To think some humans tolerate me, like me even, but they live too far away... I wish I could be with them.

However, this is no longer the case. Past human friends have betrayed me, apart from one. I have no true desires to befriend humans. As my grandmother once told me, I'm "too monstrous and hostile" for friends. I'm to monstrous for everyone. I'm too monstrous for myself. The human body I reside in is just a defense from the humans around me. I feel no true, meaningful attachment to this body.

I am the metaphorical version of a kitten that wasn't socialized. I cannot connect with others. I do not connect with others. I'm not meant to. I am designed for solitude.

I'm just a creature who's strange. I know I should care not of what others think, and yet I still do. I care because I am afraid. I am still afraid of humans my own age, especially women. If I could get everything I needed without leaving this house, the world would never see me again.

I am such an irrational thing. Here I am, a potential gynephobe who's a lesbian being encroached upon by a beast. Here I am, knowing most people don't care about me, yet I still care enough in case they press record again. Humans could be nice, but I must distrust them for my safety. They'll never know me well enough to know this. I must make sure of it.

I feel it has gotten so hopeless that my younger sister feels that she needs to intervene. She does a lot of talking for me. She pulls at my arms to try and get me to speak with humans. Even if it was a joke, it made me realize how hopelessly helpless I am. She feels I speak to no one, and she is right.

Worst of all, I know that I must change. Eventually I'm going to have to provide for myself. I don't wish to tell mother of my beastly affliction, though I have no reason not to. I suppose I am a cautious beast. How cautious is too cautious I wonder?

The beastly affliction is affecting major parts of my life. I remain in the cave all day. I speak to no outsiders. I rely on my little sister too much. My mother says she feels she has failed me. I do not wish to be a defective child. I do not wish to be a beast. I wish I could cry beastly golden tears until I'm washed clean of my beastly essences.

I am a pathetic beast. I am not strong. I am a lowly creature. I am a strange thing that cannot be understood. I shall forever remain a beast, and society shall forever hate me.

I feel I am stuck in place. I don't often think about my beastliness, but when I do it feels paralyzing. I don't know what to make of it. I don't know if it will change. I turn 20 in three days and I'm still the beast from when I was 16. I'm still the monster, I feel I forever will be. I feel the world has gone one without me, but I'm fine with that. I know nothing else at this point.

#pov you're a beast expressing how you feel after being ostracized and excluded from society‚ especially as a child #but irl im AM this beast and have been for nearly four years #all because my grandmother told me that I would be hostile and monstrous in tone for the rest of my life #and she's right because my autistic beastly ass could never sound like a pleasant human ever #and ive never talked about the possible gynephobia because ill likely be labeled a sexist #and I don't need any more reasons for humans to hate me #no i don't look like the beast i am on the outside‚ but there are days where I sure as hell feel it #most of the time I feel like im just some person‚ but other days‚ im a beast (and a father pathetic one at that) #so yeah‚ this is about me #im the beast in this 'letter' #bluey's miscellaneous posts #bluey's nonsense #bluey's beastly hours #bluey's vents #bluey's long posts #bluey's life #bluey's serious stuff #bluey's actual life #bluey's rambling #abluehappyface

[naomiknight-17]

The Uber driver who took us home from the vet today ended up hearing all about Billi's situation because I couldn't stop crying and he asked what was wrong

(Dude you picked us up from the vet and we have an empty carrier take a wild guess)

And he told us he used to have a Labrador retriever, who was a very good and loyal dog, and when his dog died, he couldn't eat or sleep for three days due to the grief. Because of how painful it was, he'll never have a pet again

And he's not the first person I've met who feels that way. I have a close friend who, after losing two cats and a rabbit, decided she just didn't want pets anymore

And I get it, sort of. Losing Billi is the most painful thing I've been through in a long long time. But it's worth it for every moment of love and joy she brought us. It's worth it to know that we gave the best home we could to a cat who was difficult and otherwise unwanted.

I've always had a cat. My parents adopted their first cat when mom was pregnant with me. Dad named her after Scat Cat from the Aristocats. He probably didn't think that through. She was a grumpy girl but had her sweet moments. She lived to be 18. She was family. I got my first cat who was really mine, and not just the family cat, when I was around 11. Her name was Pooky, another name I had no choice in. Then there was Pepper and Lulu and Cookie and then Lulu had kittens and we kept Mackenzie then Maggie and Billi then finally our current cats; Pekoe, Leon and Tim

And each loss was devastating in its own way, but I cannot imagine my life without all these wonderful cats having been part of it. My mom's kitchen feels so empty now that Billi isn't there. A whole house without cats? I don't know how I could live in it

Our person-to-cat ratio is currently 4-3 and it feels wrong. There should be at least one cat per person. But I will wait and grieve and eventually the universe will send another cat my way. It always does.

#sorry this got long and rambly #everyone who knows me knows i will always help a cat in need so. another one will land in my lap eventually #and restore balance #but yeah i am a crazy cat person and always have been. shock of the century #animal death #pet death #cats #mod post #i could regale y'all for hours and hours about each one of these babies #they all had unique stories and personalities #and they weren't all mine but are all cats j lived with. some were hubby's or duck's or mom's #but i loved them all

[ohitslen]

Rewatching Stampede because yes I have better things to do but also seeing Nai playing “Duet” by himself sounding the same way it did when Vash played with him, he really must have invested a lot of time into pulling that off and it just makes my gut roll in a certain way that I’m just-

#(this time on Spanish because I will consume this in as many languages as I am able to grasp) #it’s so SAD??? everybody and their moms knows how Nai’s love for Vash issss particular #but at some point early on many traumas ago; he genuinely just loved his brother for who he was #yeah I’ve read whole essays and character studies about how ‘twisted’ for a lack of a better word rn Nai’s love is #but we really need to think back at the time in where it was just that #pure love towards his little brother whom he treasured so much and then we all know shit just went from bad to worse #thinking about them in a very normal and casual way (I’m going insane) #I could talk about them for hours despite my knowledge being lacking but hey it’s still fun #gosh I love this series so much im going to implode #lenssi rambles #trigun #vash the stampede #millions knives #nai saverem #THAT IS A TAG AND IM CRYING AT THE SURNAME UEHEHEBWGHHHHG #vash saverem #trigun stampede

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

sometimes you forget not to pack a full bottle of shampoo

long nights full of counting headlights on the road and early mornings in airports

dawns on the ground and midnights in the sky

doesn't anyone want to keep me around?

I'm never asking (why)

carpets and windows I know like home but cleaned by somebody else

lost and found books and love note caffeine

held against windows and blankets and knees

how do I say "this takes too long" without it sounding far too mean?

"but maybe I don't want it to end" instead but only inside my head

nobody needs to hear

something out of a fever dream (but cold blown air instead)

((what if really I'm dead))

the only place that smells like home and where it's impossible to be seen

maybe that's the thing I'm wanting even if it's not what I need

~ L. T.

#like so much of my life has been spent in airports and I love them so much and this is just some of the feels of that #and before anybody gets concerned about the dead line: remember my circa post from the other day?? #yeah as a middle schooler I had a bunch of (in retrospect) stress dreams about dying from cancer #and it was a time when I was doing some of the most air travel bc my grandpa had cancer the FIRST time #so this is partially calling back to that #as our family is... kinda going through that again #the shampoo incident actually happened btw. I was 16 and had to stop our whole group bc. I forgor 😔 #hashtag uncanny wentzian poetry hours on main!! yeah babey!!!! #Lu rambles #Lu writes #living in liminalities #sometimes I think I could write poetry

[saline-coelacanth]

I feel like I haven't mentioned how much I love Pythor in a while so let me do that real quick

Reminder that I love Pythor P. Chumsworth I love him so much he's so cool and he's also so pathetic I love him a lot

#random ramblings #ninjago #lego ninjago #pythor p chumsworth #i could literally talk for hours about how much i love pythor #i could analyze why he's so great every time he shows up #not sure if this is a hot take but i think pythor is great in every season he's in #i will elaborate further if people want me to but yeah #i love pythor i don't think i will ever stop loving pythor

[excali8ur]

What's your shading/rendering process?

Gonna be real my shading process literally changes every single time I draw something so I have no idea lmao

#asks #anon #personal #Just slap some darker colours on a clipping layer above the colouring layers and mess with them until they stop looking awful #Use multiply or shade if I'm feeling lazy #Yeah. #I do a lot of block/cell shading without much adjustment though because I'm a really lazy artist orz #I prefer to just get things done than spend hours worrying about shading adjustments and lighting #If I do that I'll never finish anything so #Most of the time I Could do things better but I choose not to #I'll take finished and imperfect over Sitting unfinished in my drafts forever any day #This was not what the ask was about I'm just rambling now lmfao

[subway-boss-jericho]

Guys this may come as a surprise but as it turns out i just might need ADHD medication. Like. Badly. shocker, i know

#this is supposed to be read in a joking tone. sarcasm mostly. #Because if you've been following this blog then it is SO OBVIOUS #but yeah who would have guessed that looking at people who can do tiny doodles every day and going 'i could never do that' isnt normal #or the fact that posting on social media takes multiple hours of scripting in my head and the same amount of spoons as taking a shower #so the concept of regularly posting on a blog (hi there blog reader. this is the blog) is so cosmically far away for me that i literally #cant imagine all of the fandom people i love not being literal deities of the internet and algorithm conquerors who always know what to do #I HOPE THIS IS PUTTING IN PERSPECTIVE HOW BIG OF A REVELATION FOR ME THIS IS #I LITERALLY COULDNT COMPREHEND HOW PEOPLE COULD JUST “POST STUFF ON THE INTERNET” WITHOUT CAREFULLY CURATING IT AND THINKING ABOUT IT FOR #WEEKS AT A TIME BEFORE SHARING. MEMORIZING ALL THE TAGS TO PUT ON IT FOR PEOPLE TO SEE. How people could just post anything at all. #without wanting to give up before you even start #damn so. executive dysfunction sure fuckin is huh #i hope this helps give insight into the struggles i'm facing writing steady tracks or sharing content of my other aus online in the middle #of college/now having a job. its been hard but i havent been able to justify why until right now #so every time i post #please assume it is a cry for help 🤣 #Tag Ramble #Not Submas

[magdaclaire]

i made two irl friends today please clap

#walked up to quincy from my ethics class and was like “hey bud autism4autism interaction so i'm gonna be blunt: i want to be friends.” #and that WORKED OUT FOR ME #and then this girl keyonna who i complimented once and she offered to buy me lunch and i declined bc i have anxiety yeah her #she asked if she could sit down with me and then we talked for like an hour and a half #she has adhd and is a writer and is muslim and from nigeria and asexual and i am so lamely excited about maybe having irls again #mer rambles

[monkiinart]

not n/sfw but implied coil/shine doodle under the cut

they are so silly to me. anyway coil probably buys her stuff from time to time and he's SUPER duper picky about it

#its just lingeriestuff but. yeah #not putting this in the official tags byee #i could ramble on about their dynamic for hours because im RLLY specific about this one

[goldensmilingbird]

So I'm watching Fright Krewe (it's a new Dreamworks cartoon for Halloween, good show btw)

And I'm freaking losing it, why does this villain's family photo look like it's Graham de Vanilys/Fathoms to me

First time he stared longingly at the picture of his dead wife, my thought was "Emilie Agreste??"

This is my Colt faceclaim now

(The way he monologues about supernatural races being "monsters" it's just... Colt vibes)

#yeah i know she has a typical dead mom ponytail but i always have ml on my mind #anyway #please watch this show #i could ramble about it for like an hour #would anyone be interested in me rambling about the show that has no fandom whatsoever