I thought I’d made progress.
I thought I’d been accepted into a group.
But I can now see I wasn’t.
People say things to others to bring up to me instead of saying it directly.
I can’t take pictures for the work social media, but everyone else can.
They gave me side looks when I’m annoying, which seems to be often.
When I try to join a discussion, I’m met with tight smiles and no response.
I hear of group outings after the fact.
No one responds to my jokes or references in group emails.
I forgot my place.
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Why I Love Monsters
Monsters are the outcasts,
They get to be free from the expectation
They are ugly, dark, and vile
And so fucking beautiful.
Whether monsters have a moral code
Or completely amoral
It doesn’t matter because they are the monsters.
They are cautionary tales.
They are stories parents tell their children so they don’t wander off.
Monster is the worst insult for a person.
Inhuman: that’s what a monster is.
Monsters however are more human than most people.
Frankenstein’s Monster calling out for a mate,
Calling out for a name, a soul,
Love.
Dracula alive forever, alone
Without love
The lone werewolf calling out for a pack.
Friendless.
Monster and human, the line began to blur.
Monsters, the worst and loneliest of humans.
Monster, the easiest way to villainize a person.
Monster, someone who kills.
Monster, someone broken.
I envy the darkness and freedom of a monster.
They can indulge
The darkness, the hate.
It is so delicious
And so intoxicating
I wish I was a monster I wish I didn’t care.
Monsters don’t care what others see
If they get too close they could just kill them
With ease.
Maybe I am that monster
And maybe that’s why I love them.
Because I want an excuse to love me
Love the real me.
I don’t know what I am.
I know I don’t fit the convention
So that must make me a monster.
Because a true monster is what scares people
Disgust them.
Why do you think all villains are gay?
Monsters don’t or can’t
Change themselves to fit into boxes.
Monsters don’t make people comfortable.
Monsters are ugly, dark, and vile, repulsive
And so fucking beautiful.
They are works of art.
They are beauties untold, refused to be told.
I love Monsters because they are.
…..Astonishing.
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do you know any placements about being the black sheep of your family or surroundings in general? i feel like no one gets me at all :(
I mean tbh if you have any placements particularly incompatible with the rest of your family you might get that vibe. Say your family is very fire sign heavy and you're like the one water/earth sign or smth.
That being said, signs I'd associate with being a "social outcast" or having those sorts of "no one understand me" feelings of some sort would primarily be aquarius, but also scorpio to some degree too. I'd look at where your lilith is placed in your chart, lilith in 4th, lilith in aquarius or gemini, lilith in any water sign tbh. Any particularly conflicted planets with a lot of negative aspects sitting in 3rd or 4th. moon square or quincunx mercury. rising square or quincunx moon. mercury in aquarius.
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When Izzy first walked out I was worried that he would be made into a joke that the crew would laugh at
but then he started singing and the dancing began and I realized that he wasn’t meant to be a joke at all. This is the most open and happy we’ve ever seen Izzy and the show treated it that way. Not mocking him but instead celebrating this moment.
When we talk about queer representation it’s usually just focused on queer relationships, but what I love about this episode is it shows other sides of being queer. That moment where Izzy saw Wee John doing his makeup and had a realization that he wanted that too? That is what being queer means to me. The crew singing along and cheering for him? That is what being apart of the queer community means to me.
What i love about this show is that it shows queer joy, not in a sanitized way, but in away that is messy, beautiful, and without any mockery or shame.
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Let me riddle you a ditty
It's just an itty-bitty little thing on my mind
About a boy and a girl
Gonna take on the world, one kiss at a time
Now the funny thing about it
Ain't a story without it
But the story is mine
And I wish I could say that it ended just fine
We all wanna know how it ends
Oh, happily ever after
Wouldn't you know? Wouldn't you know?
Oh, skip to the ending
Who'd like to know? I'd like to know
Author of the moment
Can you tell me?
Do I end up, do I end up happy?
End up happy
~
Spoiler:
I didn't.
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I am consistently reminded of two things.
My generation is full of fucking social currency obsessed idiots parading in masks of love, art, & truth.
That it’s forever just my mother & my guitar that got me.
and you… and you… <3
N.N.
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