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#social isolation
furiousgoldfish · 10 months
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Dealing with my fear of rejection by never asking for anything, and my fear of being a burden by never doing anything that involves other people. Foolproof.
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fuckingwhateverdude · 2 months
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@nosebleedclub / jan. #24
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moonshadow-thoughts · 4 months
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Do you ever feel like you don't belong anywhere? Like there is no place and no people for you?
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ownedself33 · 5 months
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edenfenixblogs · 26 days
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I have told the one (1) real friend I have out here that I plan to move home because the antisemitic isolation has gotten so bad.
If I were a pettier person, I wouldn’t tell anyone else until I’m already closed on a house back home. And when they’re like “why are you moving?” I’d say “antisemitic isolation from most social groups.” And when they ask “Why didn’t you say anything?” I’d say, “Because you’re the ones who did the isolation.”
I won’t. Cuz that won’t actually solve anything. It’ll just make people who don’t think they’re antisemitic go “oh? Eden? Yeah that was super weird how she called us all antisemites and then left. She must’ve been a Zionist or something cuz I didn’t even say anything about Palestine to her.”
Like…I know. You didn’t say anything to me. You didn’t ask how I was doing. You certainly didn’t acknowledge Jewish pain in any way, beyond liking one (1) post a few months ago. Most of you muted me on here. Most of you don’t respond to unrelated information or posts in group chats about genuinely nonpolitical topics. None of you are ever “free” to hang out. You don’t support me when I’m sad. Fine, maybe that’s not what you do. That’s ok. My emotions aren’t your responsibility. You don’t offer distraction. You don’t offer an ear. You leave me on read when I see you online.
I see the statistics that seem to say “most people think their friends hate them but they actually really like you!”
But I don’t think this applies to Jews. Especially leftist Jews tbh. But I do wonder if the antisemites who hate their Jewish friends even KNOW that they hate their Jewish friends.
Like, I wonder what they’d say if they were asked “Do you dislike Eden?” Because I think they’d say no. I think they’d say that, maybe, I’m a little much right now. I’m a little too intense. Maybe they’d say they like me a lot but just want this all to die down before we hang out. Or maybe they’d say that they did used to like me but I’ve recently made them uncomfortable.
But that’s not friendship. When someone you care about enough to call a friend is literally an emotional wreck for months, regardless of the reason, and you have not at any point attempted to be there for them in any meaningful way (and I mean, at all. Hanging out once. Calling once. Asking how I’m doing once. Saying “antisemitism is bad” even once. Taking me up on my offer to discuss anything about current events if they have questions. Politely declining my offer to discuss current events because you find it all too stressful. Letting me know that you care about me as a person but the current crisis is too much for you to think about right now, so you’d rather not bring it up. Literally ANY of these actions and a million others that would take you hardly any effort at all.) then you clearly don’t think of me as a friend, actually. You do hate me, actually.
Because what kind of person does that to a friend. What kind of person abandons us like this? It’s like they might as well just say “we like you so much, but like…not when you talk about or experience life as a Jewish person.”
They might as well just say “she’s fine enough to be around. Too bad she’s a Jew.”
Or, maybe, being isolated from people for 5 months is really distorting my perspective and none of this is true or valid.
But I can’t help but feel…being isolated for 5 months is very much reinforcing my points.
I’m officially done trying to make plans with any “friends,” except the one person who ever replies to me.
I basically said “if anyone ever wants to hang out, let me know” and that’s the last I’ll say to basically any of them about making plans.
What’s the point? I don’t want to beg people to spend time with me.
That said, when I called one of my best friends back home to tell her I was moving back, I told her the isolation was really getting to me. I told her that I was feeling like maybe nobody ever really liked me all that much and that I’m hard to be around and that being Jewish at this time and experiencing pain publicly was just the final straw to them excluding me. Maybe I’m just fundamentally unlikable.
But she told me that was dumb and I’m dumb for saying it. And she’s seen me at my best and my worst.
Idk. This post is long and personal and weird but I’m trying to be vulnerable and document how I’m feeling during this time. I think maybe I’m prone to look back on this when this current I/P flare is over and think to myself, “maybe I was just making a big deal out of nothing.” I want to have a record of how I’m feeling. Because at this moment when I’m living through it, it feels cataclysmic.
Like..I’m not even concerned about any of my “friends” finding this cuz I’m pretty sure they’ve all muted me anyway.
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problemglyphs · 9 months
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[TO KNOW YOU IS TO LOVE YOU]
13/08/2021 21:59:08
My fear of being known has isolated me. People think they know me but if they knew the real me they'd run. So I distance myself before others can hurt me.
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bunnighost · 1 year
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adustoflove · 3 months
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Little things in your childhood and teen years really do leave a lasting impression, for better or for worse. Like being picked last for a team in gym class, or being the last one for just about anything in gym class and having everyone stare at you. Kids picking on you because you're no good at the game the teachers are forcing you to play, peers yelling at you because you couldn't catch the ball or hit it over the net as well as they could. Feeling left out whenever field trips are mentioned because even though you have people you occasionally talk to at school, you have no one you actually feel comfortable hanging out with for the day, so you decide not to go and to stay home, even if you really did wanna go...
Not going to ANY school events either, like dances or proms because you have no one to hang out with for the day and you'd feel uninvited or like it was a lost cause to show up and sit there like a wallflower. And the pain of feeling even more left out when all your classmates are getting excited in the upcoming days for the event or talking about it after it's taken place. Having to sit alone in the auditorium or bleachers for any sort of assembly. Other students frowning or sighing when the teachers pick partners, and you get paired with someone who obviously doesn't wanna be paired with you. And so you pick up extra work just to feel less shame and guilt about it. Working alone all the time because you can't socialize like the rest of the students who've already found their clique. Teachers who make snide or snarky remarks even when you've done nothing in particular wrong. The horror of having to raise your hand and get an answer wrong then watch one of your more competent classmates get the answer right.
I've spent a better half of my life feeling alienated from my peers and constantly feeling left out. It is so deeply traumatic, and it gets to be so hard to find friends and keep them as an adult because of all the experiences you've had in your past surrounding other people. I never feel worth anyones time, and it prevents me from putting myself out there anymore. I can't be myself around many people because being myself feels punishable.
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bwbawa · 5 months
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why is it so mentally draining to have social relationships
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femmefatalevibe · 8 months
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Femme Fatale Guide: How To Reset From A Toxic Work Environment
Give yourself ample time to reset and indulge in basic self-care. Get a full night's sleep every night, eat a balanced & nutritious diet (most of the time) with meals you enjoy, incorporate daily movement & a consistent exercise routine into your week, read books, listen to music and podcasts that inspire you, hang out with loved ones/people who energize you, indulge in beauty routines/"spa" days and movies/TV shows you love
Once you feel recharged/not burned out anymore, take a step back and reflect on what your values are, your interests, desired lifestyle/workplace environment that best suits your personality and work style. Consider what you want out of your next opportunity instead of letting hiring managers decide for you once your interviewing processes begin. Remember, a job at a company should feel like a mutual fit. Decide to work as an employee, not a corporate slave.
Reassess and decide on your future workplace boundaries ahead of time. Once you're more emotionally distant from your current toxic work environment, allow yourself to act as a neutral observer of the interpersonal dynamics that played out while you were working in your (soon-to-be previous) toxic work environment. Consider any warning signs/red flags you might've ignored early on or certain ways you allowed yourself to be a pushover/people-pleaser to keep the peace while getting to know your co-workers. Looking back, how would you have handled these situations if you had the clarity and self-confidence you have now? Use your answer to this question as a roadmap to decide how you can show up as your best self before/while working in your next role.
Determine ways you can forge workplace connections early on in your next role. Embrace the "new job, new you" mentality here and decide how you want to show up as a sociable co-worker from your first week onward. Greet your team in the morning, engage in some small talk over a break to get to know each other better – try to find mutual interest/express interest in what they're saying, make it a priority to schedule one-on-ones with all team members/close collaborators within your company over the first month, invite co-workers to get coffee/lunch with you a couple of days per week, etc.
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skz1-4-3 · 2 months
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Having severe anxiety sucks.
I thought i got better but it just gets worse every single day .
This me rn
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72sinkingships · 2 months
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How does one meet other queer adults if ur too autistic for clubs and bars??
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hard truths
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moonshadow-thoughts · 10 months
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I don't think people understand what it means to be lonely and misunderstood for an entire life.
When I was a lonely child I was always thinking to myself "It will be okay, I will have friends when I'm a teenager."
When I was a lonely teenager I always thought to myself "its okay, I will have friends and a relationship when I'm an adult."
But now that I'm an adult I realize, its much more likely that it will stay that way forever. I will never belong anywhere.
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ownedself33 · 2 months
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I feel like I have been trained my whole life to be a ghost that is merely present.
I don’t want to be seen, I don’t want to be perceived, I don’t want nobody to hear nor acknoweledge me. I want to be there without really being there. 
I wish I was a fly sometimes, I would be there but nobody would try to talk to me or try to establish a connection with me.
Growing up I learned that the less I am perceived, the less problems I would face and the less in danger I would be.
Being a grown up now this protection-mechanism sadly doesn’t serve me anymore and it still keeps me from being a ‘normal’ human being, humanizing through the world.
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creatingnikki · 10 months
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For the next time you feel like you want to isolate yourself and never speak to another soul again:
Baby. You thrive off of connections. Today you spent the night drinking a little too much but you remained sober because you spoke so much to someone you met for the first time about so many things that matter to you like books and bullying and boundaries. As you kept playing with his little dull gold lighter and as he kept asking you if you were okay because you were drinking so much, you bonded with someone you didn't even know existed before. Wouldn't have even thought of. And maybe you will never see him again. And maybe this night will not matter in the bigger scheme of things. But tonight, for those 4.5 hours you sat there next to each other and without any history and without any future the two of you spoke and spoke and spoke. And the truth is, you felt it, didn't you? You felt it. That this is the reason why it is worth continuing to live. Because there will be people like this. Nights like these. And they will touch your soul. However briefly. And maybe just maybe it's because in another life, you two knew each other. Your souls know each other. And sometimes maybe this will continue, it will go beyond one night, one week, one year, one decade....one lifetime. And this is why you continue to live. Because there are still people you're yet to cross who will speak to your soul. So, go out. Be yourself. Have a good time. And remain authentic to yourself. You can do that while still maintaining boundaries. You can do that while still not letting people mess with you. You are you. You can do anything you set your mind to. So, baby, listen. Please don't give up on people just yet. Not yet. Simply elevate the kind of people you let your energy interact with. That's all.
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