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candywife333 · 1 year

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Unexpected (A Tale of Grief): Part 3

Disclaimer: This story has yandere behavior, toxicity in loads, body shaming ,voyeurism, cursing/profanity, and questionable behavior. Also, the characters do not actually represent the personalities and behavior of BTS in real life. There is some dub-con in this part, so please be aware and do not read this if it is not to your tastes.

Lately I had been feeling odd, like someone was watching me. You know when you get that feeling that someone is gazing at you, that every one of your moves are being watched and scrutinized. This particular disconcerting sentiment did not leave me nowadays. I started feeling like a prey, whose meandering and frolicking through the woods was being observed from the shadows by a predator: one whose inscrutable identity could not be gleaned by a cursory gaze of the surrounding vicinity.

And to exacerbate these antsy feeling, my periods made the situation worse. Periods were always tough on me. I wish I could feel like other girls sometimes in that regard. My friends all had light periods that lasted 3-5 days. Mine was a nightmare of blood and pain that could only be alleviated by rest, hot pads, warm baths/ showers, and home-made savory foods. It lasted 7-9 days and every day would reveal unto me new tortures; whether it be bloating and aching breasts, or heavy bleeding with pelvic pain that radiated down my thighs and spine.

Due to the uncomfortable nature of my monthly “blessings”, I preferred to stay in my room most of the time and ask my professors for a sick leave of 1-2 days during my periods since they allowed it. Our college had a strict attendance policy for the most part. However, certain electives and classes were completely online and so we had no reason to show up physically.

After shrouding myself in a black ankle length skirt with a cozy forest green ruffled top tucked into it, I ventured out to the only real class I had for the day---Literature and Composition. Jungkook and his gang would attend, but since I never really had any interactions with any of them after the incident with Clara, I could comfortably just blend into the background of the classroom.

As I sat down in my usual seat, I could feel all the blood rush to the bottom of my pad. As usual, the waterfall of blood was unavoidable during periods and I briefly checked my behind to make sure nothing was leaking. Thankfully I was spared of such a travesty. Just as I took out my notebook, class commenced. As the professor droned on about rhetorical devices, I noted down the few key words which were vital.

Pleasantly occupied, I was startled out of my reverie when I noticed a hand, a rather vascular one which was settled on my knee. I almost yanked up my knee to the desk with a start. But I froze as I looked up to see dark fluffy hair framing dark doe eyes which sparkled with mischief, amusement, and a particular fervor---which I could not place.

I cleared my throat in horror, as I whispered to him, “Could you please let go of my knee? Do you need something from me? Perhaps something like a spare pen or sheet of paper?” He rolled his eyes and scoffed as he drawled out in a syrupy tone, “Why would you think I would talk to you just for supplies? A beautiful girl such as yourself deserves all my....undivided attention”. To my utter dismay and shock he continued kneading my knee, emitting warmth and a pressure foreign to anything I had felt in my life til now.

“Isn’t the pretty girl going to speak? Or is she mute, incapable of verbalizing what she needs?” I was almost frozen in place, unable to move his hand away as his hand crept up to encircle my upper thigh, now pinching and squeezing the available flesh underneath his touch. I squeaked out timidly, “Ummm....Could you please let go of m-m-me? I am not feeling well and I would appreciate it if you could keep your hands off me”.

The squeezing and kneading became more intense as his hands made their way up to my hip and stomach. Since we were at the back of the class, nobody else could see what he was doing. His hand pulled out my tucked in shirt. Once he caught sight of the plush flesh of my stomach he continued kneading my pudge underneath the shirt. I hated when people touched my stomach. It made me so uncomfortable, but something about the way he gazed intensely at the flesh as he did so quelled my discomfort. It almost seemed like he was keeping his fascination with it at bay, though I could have been misinterpreting it.

“Why are you not feeling well? Is it a stomach ache? Or is it the fact that you can’t stand having the hots for someone you can’t have?” I gazed at him rather startled and confused as I requested him in a whisper once again, “ Please take your hands off of me. I don’t want your attention. I’m sorry if I made you feel bad that day with Clara. But, she is my friend and my duty is to protect her from being taken advantage of in a vulnerable situation. I am sorry once again for interfering between her and you. I beg of you, please let me go.”

This time he seemed to heed my request, as he removed his big hand from my hip where it had rested idly. He smirked as a flicker of something devious flashed through his eyes. He sneered , “Of course, you had no right to interfere between I and your friend. But since you are apologizing so sweetly, why don’t you continue? Figure out what you are willing to pay in return for disrupting my evening with your friend.”

After a long silence, the class was at its end as he got up from his chair and said in a rather menacing tone, “What are you willing to pay for the grievous error you have committed ? You should know very well by now that prey like you should stay in its place. Since you have chosen to disrupt the natural order of how things work around here, you can pay up. It’s either going to be you or your friend, you decide.”

I stuttered out in a panic, “What do you m-m-m-ean by that? Me or my friend to pay what? To do what exactly?” He tilted my chin up with his index finger, as he bit out in a condescending manner, “I don’t even know how you were admitted to this school with such lacking intelligence. I mean to say that either you come to the next party we are hosting with the intention of either offering up your friend for me to do with as I will... or.....you can offer up yourself”.

The empty classroom felt even more intimidating as he leaned down to my chair and hissed, “You either get your friend drunk and wet for me to fuck, or you can come in her place instead. You can learn what happens when you mess with me.” His hand gripped my neck as he pressed his forehead with mine and breathed out, “Make your decision, and make it quick. You have till tomorrow evening”.

He released my neck and walked away so fluidly that nobody would have guessed he had been in the room for that long at all. Tears dripped down my cheeks as I felt mind numbing fear. The terror gripped my brain in a headlock. How could I do that to my friend? I couldn’t send him to her when she couldn’t even consent. That went against all my morals. But, the alternative wasn’t any better. I didn't want to give myself to him, a spoiled rich boy who had no care for me. I wanted to give my virginity off to my husband. I might be old fashioned in this world, but I wanted to give it to the right person who made me feel treasured and safe.

Not to someone who felt as though it was a right of his. Plus, I had the inkling that he was doing this to humiliate and demean me. He would probably make fun of my body during sex. I saw the vitriol in his gaze every time he stared at my body in disgust. He definitely touched me like he had before only to make me feel even more ashamed. My body had reacted unexpectedly though, to my abject horror. My period had already flooded me wet down there, but my subconscious arousal had made it worse. My nipples had tingled and I felt a twist in my lower stomach as his hand had crept up closer to my upper thighs.

The worst part of this entire situation was my arousal mingled with my disgust towards him and the amplified hate I felt towards my own body. And I could tell that I would have to give myself to him. I couldn’t sacrifice my friend like that. But the sacrifice would have to be me and I would be in utter hell. If I didn't comply with him at all, he would make my life in this college miserable. Him and his friends had enough power to make my existence a living nightmare.

My anxiety was choking me, as I could feel my breaths getting shallower as I started sobbing. He didn’t even know I had my period right now. I didn't want to see the repulsion that would inhabit his face. Why did he even want me? At all? I wasn’t very beautiful and I would be a bloody mess down there on top of that. And I never had sex, so I never really felt the need to groom extensively down there.

Just as I was going to completely submerge in panic, an idea clicked in my head. Of course, he wouldn't want me. Now that I thought about it, he clearly did not visualize what I would actually look like. So, if I came to him on my period , not groomed, and sort of like a slob----he wouldn’t want me anyway with all his exacting standards of how a woman should look. Maybe he was curious about me. But I could manipulate this situation in my favor and make him so disgusted he would stay away from me permanently.

A little comforted by this tiny thought, I decided to go to him as I am. He would probably have me out the door in seconds.

Tag list:

@darkuni63

#curvy reader bts #bts #yandere #yandere jk x reader #yandere x reader #body shaming #body positivity #curvy reader x bts #curvy reader x jungkook #chubby reader x jk #dub-con

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bailey-whalieee · 3 years

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Things Are Different Now

FIVE

✮

Everyone tells you that death is a normal part of life, but Maggie couldn’t remember ever attending a funeral for the entirety of her life. Not once. Her father’s were open enough to help her understand it to a point, but not enough to fully grasp the grief and pain.

They always told her the caterpillar had to turn into the butterfly at some point. Maggie had been grateful enough to not completely understand the concept of death, up until now.

Sitting in between her two father’s, she hadn’t even uttered a word after the confession. The crippling weight of emotions began to set in, a mixture of emotions Maggie couldn’t even understand. Yet, the weight settled on top of her and seeped into her bones not allowing room for even the smallest drop of understanding.

“Doll?”

The wave of tears crashed against her pale cheeks trying to grip the information that had displayed itself perfectly in the conversation.

“So, she’s really gone..?” she whimpered out, finally making eye contact with Steve, “Emma’s really gone, Papa? She’s never coming back, ever…”

Steve and Bucky both felt their stomachs drop, her watery eyes stared at Steve with hope and the only thing he could do was break that small, fragile piece of hope.

Disguising his own tears, he cleared his throat softly wiping her fallen tears, “no sweet girl.. She’s not coming back.”

Both ex-soldiers watched Maggie crumble into sobs and pleas to bring her back. It tore the two men apart knowing there wasn’t a damn thing they could do to spare her from the pain and grief this would cause.

“Papa please! She can’t! W-we didn’t even g-graduate yet.. Daddy please, no,” she wailed in Steve’s arms.

A nightmare had befallen the Rogers-Barnes household and neither Steve or Bucky could rip their daughter from its grasp. Even Bucky and Steve felt this hellishly real nightmare had its claws upon them, their own daughter had been right in the middle of this mess.

And they had no clue or hint of anything that had happened.

It had taken both of the men hours to get her to even slightly calm down, just enough to explain what would be happening in the upcoming weeks. Especially since she was now tied into a full blown FBI investigation.

“Maggie, I know that right now is not the perfect time to talk about everything that has happened, but we need you to understand that they now have to investigate you as a suspect for shooting? Doll, we all know that you did not shoot all those kids okay? It’s just the way that an investigation works. You and Emma were the only ones who left that party alive, all signs point to you.”

Maggie bowed her head ever so slightly, trying to conceal the guilt and shame that covered her.

“Maggs, we have to go to the station tomorrow.. They are going to have you give a written statement and they are going to ask some, uh, very intrusive questions about the party including what you saw and what happened. It’s going to be hard and maybe even scary okay?” Steve swallowed hard, trying to keep his tears hidden.

Softly, she nodded.

“Maggie, just, why? Why did you hide this?” Bucky’s voice broke.

Again, tears leaked down her face. The shame and guilt ate away at every last of her dignity, this one choice changed the trajectory of her life.

“Because, I already knew if you guys found out we went to a party you would’ve killed me and then I didn’t even have the guts to try and stop the shooter. I was so scared that you would be disappointed and mad that I didn’t even try… And now I’m paying the price with my best friend’s life cause I was an idiot and tried to play superhero,” she stressed, her shoulders slumping as she continued to explain.

Maggie gave up trying to rein in her tears so she allowed them to fall down her cheeks.

“I wanted to fix this. It was my fault, I told Emma not to tell anyone. I was the one who murdered her, all because of my own stupidity.”

The soldier’s mouths hung slightly open due to shock. They had promised each other she would never have to be like them, never. Realization struck the men, no matter what, Maggie was bound to be sucked into their lifestyle.

“Baby-”

“Dad, no.. I need space. This is all too much right now,” Maggie clenched her eyes shut.

Bucky and Steve decided to not fight it this time; it had been truly a lot to take in. The shooting. The murders. Their own daughter right in the middle of what felt like a war. They couldn’t blame her for wanting to run or have time alone.

Sure, Bucky and Steve had seen countless dead bodies or people being shot, but this was different. They had signed up for that mess, Maggie did not. Maggie Rogers-Barnes was not an avenger, or a ‘superhero’. She was their daughter.

They had made a choice many moons ago to never drag her into the messy life of fighting crime and taking on monsters.

The two ex-soldiers could only imagine what she saw or heard while trying to keep herself safe at that party; it made their stomachs churn to even imagine. Only two teens survived that knew of, Maggie and Emma..

Things were missing from her room and Maggie knew it immediately the moment she took a glance around the four walls. Her laptop was gone, along with all of the work she had done with her own little investigation.

She stared at the wall by her bed.

There was a string of fairy lights holding polaroid pictures of Emma and her, along with several stupid movie tickets and a pair of hocoming tickets. Walking towards the lights, her fingers skimmed over the old pictures. Tears glazed her eyes, these were all her happiest memories.

Now, they would stay memories forever and not another memory would be created. Maggie’s heart broke most at that, knowing that she would never, for as long as she walked this earth, make another memory with Emma.

She had always imagined death as something people would look at as bittersweet, not something that ruined people’s lives. Emma would never graduate, never go to prom, never go to college with her. In this moment, Maggie felt herself fall through the claws of grief and land rock bottom into depression’s hands.

Maggie exited the room that no longer felt like home and made her way to the guest bedroom. It didn’t feel like home either, but it gave small relief to the torturing memories her bedroom would give if she stayed.

She longed for someone or something to take this pain that filled her body. Maggie begged every entity that was out there. Yet, no sort of ease or solace came.

Laying her numb limbs on the bed, she didn’t bother to crawl under the covers, Maggie just laid upon the duvet wondering if she would ever escape this pain.

✮

She had dreaded waking up that morning, the whole household did. The morning snuck up on each of them and the two men wanted nothing more than to tell her to sleep in, but they couldn’t simply tell the FBI to fuck off.

Steve and Bucky knew she didn’t get much sleep that night, her eyes were sunken in and looked almost lifeless. Maggie couldn’t lie, getting up that morning felt like she was still caught in a nightmare.

The car ride to the station was silent, no music played in the background, no chirpy laughs, nothing.

“Maggs, if you want, Papa and I can be with you when they interrogate you. We don’t have to be, but if you wanted-”

“That would be nice, dad,” quietly she cut Steve off from rambling.

Giving her a small smile, he nodded. Bucky silently screamed in excitement, he knew how thorough and hard interrogations could be, especially this one.

Once they finally made it to the police station, Maggie made note of how many FBI vehicles were parked outside the local police station which could only mean one thing.

They had not one clue what the hell was going on and she was about to be delivered like a piece of meat to a den of hungry lions. She shakily stepped outside of the car, walking closely to Steve and Bucky.

Anxiety chewed through her insides and the foul taste of copper filled her mouth, realizing her bottom lip had been the victim of the coppery substance.

“You’re going to room three, two agents will meet you there shortly,” a deputy softly smiled, directing her father’s to the room.

Following their footsteps, it led to a small room that looked almost exactly like every interrogation room you saw in movies. Dull, grey walls, a double sided mirror facing directly in front of you.

“Everything will be okay, kiddo. Just be honest and tell them what you remember exactly,” Bucky rubbed her back gently, '' I promise.”

The same agent and defense attorney from school entered and Maggie internally cursed herself, ‘great, just fucking great Maggie.’

“Hello Mr. Barnes, Mr. Rogers, Ms. Maggie. It’s nice to see you again, unfortunate circumstances I’ll say,” Lewis Brooke sighed, “so, it seems we got off on the wrong understanding Ms. Maggie.”

“Brooke-”

“Lewis please-”

Agent Erin held up his hands to silence the men, “please, Steve, Bucky, for the sake of the case and court laws we are going to ask you to step inside the surveillance room if you must. I know this is hard on all of you, and we all know Maggie is not the suspect, but due to the court of law we must treat her as one. So please gentlemen, step outside.”

Bucky and Steve wanted nothing more than to fight them on this, but being defeated by exhaustion they complied.

Giving a smile to their daughter they left the room. This only furthered Maggie’s anxiety and she gulped as the two sat opposite of her.

“Maggie, before we begin the questioning and really getting into the scary parts of this case. Both Brooke and I need to know why you withheld information about being at the party?” Agent Erin asked, clicking his pen.

Maggie stared at the blank paper, letting out a breath.

“Well, Mr. Alim, Mr. Brooke, my dad’s did not know that I was at the party and neither did E-Emma’s parents and we were both scared of what would happen if we told anyone.. I was just really scared,” she replied, trying to keep calm at the mention of Emma’s parents.

Pondering, Lewis spoke, “due to fear you both decided to not tell anyone? Is that correct?”

Nodding, Maggie tried to calm her racing mind, but gods it was so damn hard.

“Okay, can you run us through what you saw that night or what you heard? It’s important that you tell us every small detail even if it seems like nothing,” Alim spoke, hoping to help her understand how serious this is.

Shifting uncomfortably in the metal chair, Maggie clenched her eyes shut digging through her mind for memories of that night.

“W-we arrived late to the party that n-night, we were dancing in the kitchen and Emma brought up getting drinks. I had told her I didn’t think it would be a good idea and we had gotten into a small argument and then I heard the first bullet ring throughout the house. I pushed Emma to the floor with me,” taking a small breath, Maggie flinched remembering the loud sound of the first bullet.

Agent Alim began to furiously scribble on the notepad as Maggie tried to control her erratic breathing. “Maggie, it’s okay. Just take a deep breath and continue from there,” Brooke gently commanded, noticing the panic.

“The shooter let off two more shots and began shouting out things like ‘get the fuck down’ ‘d-do you wanna die?’ There was a lot of screaming and crying, I crawled behind an island that was in the kitchen. I remember panicking cause I c-couldn’t find Emma, but I didn’t move f-from the, the island. I tried to, to uh, to conceal all of myself that I could. He kept yelling and I covered my ears so I couldn’t hear them screaming or shouting,” tears began to fall from her uneasy eyes and the agents grimaced from her words.

Gulping, Maggie continued, “I felt their footsteps getting closer and I thought this was it. They were loud and then the sound stopped. I remember praying to whatever was out there because I thought I was going to be next. I opened my eyes to see black cargo pants and military grade boots, they then crouched down to my height and wiped the tears off my cheek. They looked at me and told me that, I was always super nice to them and it saved my life..”

Her chest raised and fell rapidly, Maggie’s breath caught itself in the back of her throat. “Maggie, Maggie-”

A white buzz began to fill her ears at this moment, everything felt fuzzy and her breaths didn’t seem to catch up with her. The whole room seemed to unleash panic, the two agents rushed to bring Steve and Bucky in.

And Maggie couldn’t stop thinking about the last few words he said to her, ‘be careful in the living room. Wouldn’t want you to step in blood.’

Their pale, dead faces mocked her. Maggie broke into a heap of tears and wheezes, this was too much.

Steve and Bucky rushed into the dull room, kneeling down on either side of the metal chair hoping that their words would penetrate through her enough to calm her down. They had seen Maggie breakdown, but not like this.

This monster had come from a place Bucky was all too well with and both soldiers knew that. Seeing it take action in their daughter’s life threw them sideways, their purpose to protect her from this had become brittle and broken. No matter how hard they tried it would always find them out.

“Baby! Hey, Maggs look at me, you’re okay! You’re here, not there.”

Those words broke through her mind and she flinched coming back to the four grey, dull walls of the interrogation room.

“Doll, you’re okay, you’re okay.. Just breathe sweet girl, okay? Just breathe,” Bucky soothed, wiping the tears off her red cheeks.

Maggie reached out for his metal hand, grounding herself on the cool metal. He clasped their hands, softly smiling at his daughter reminding her she would be okay. Steve rubbed her back in circular motions, letting out a small breath he had been holding in.

Once she had fully calmed down, the two agents re-entered the room.

“Maggie, how about we finish this another day?”

“No. No, let’s just get this over with,” she shook her head, stubbornly.

Bucky and Steve almost let out a chuckle, understanding just how stubborn their girl could be. The agents complied to her wishes and the two avengers got up to leave, but Agent Erin stopped them.

“Please, you guys are welcome to stay this time. Just please don’t talk,” he sighed, allowing them to stay in the room.

“Maggie, go ahead and begin where you left off. You were telling us about what they said when they crouched down to you,” Brooke restated from the notes.

She settled her nerves before talking again, “they patted my cheeks and warned me about stepping in blood before letting me leave. I tried not to look as I left through the front door, but my classmates were laid everywhere, blood was everywhere, but I left before they could change their minds. I, I met Emma outside.. She didn’t look hurt, I had no idea how she even got out. I ran home after talking to Emma.”

Steve wiped the fallen tears off her cheeks once again, the agent and DA had decided that it was enough questioning for right now.

“Thank you Maggie for your time, we appreciate you for your bravery during this. The investigators do have your phone and laptop for evidence, but as soon as we are done with them we will let you know. We’ll call you if there is anything else we need,” Alim nodded, leading them out of the room.

Maggie didn’t say anything, just kept close to her dads.

“Oh, Mr. Rogers, Mr. Barnes, we are sending agents to sit outside your guys’ house just in case Maggie could possibly be their next victim. If you guys could find a temporary place to stay until this is solved, that would be the best option,” Lewis added, smiling sympathetically.

Her shoulders slumped with this news.. She now had to leave her childhood house.

Steve cursed and Bucky pulled Maggie closer to him, “it’s going to be okay, doll..”

Steve led them outside and back into the car, where he made a realization. If they had to go somewhere else, there was only one place he would go.

“I think it’s time to give uncle Tony a call.”

✮

#stucky x oc #stucky x reader #stucky x daughter!reader #steve x oc #steve x reader #steve rogers x daughter!reader #bucky x oc #bucky x daughter!reader #bucky x reader #avenger oneshots #avengers x reader

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pigeonp0st · 3 years

Note

Hey can you do a fic where reader is under mind control of some sort from an enemy and is forced to attack Nat and the rest of the avengers and Nat has to talk her out of it and calm her down something rlly intense and angsty pls

Natasha Romanoff x Reader #6

Words: 2,177

Warnings: Agnst

(tell me if there’s more I should add)

Notes:

I realized after I finished writing that I didn’t have Nat talk R out of it like you asked...I solved it in another way...i’m sorry!! I hope you enjoy anyways, thanks a lot for requesting (and sorry for spelling mistakes...there’s probably a lot) also sorry for this in general...I’m disappointed in it and the ending...I was sleep deprived and delirious for half of it...

———

It was supposed to be a simple mission, and a simple day. You and Nat had planned to head to the beach for the first time in a long time afterwards and everything. It was supposed to be a good day.

Good day...ha.

The sad truth is, is that things don’t always work out the way you expect them to. Sometimes things go horribly wrong.

Sometimes you get mind controlled by the ‘big bad’ and hurt the people you love most. Or maybe that stuff only happened to people like you. ‘Heroes.’

——-

You were conscious. That was the cruel agonizing part of it all. It’s that with every swing of your knife, every landed hit, every plea that fell from their lips, you knew what was happening.

You knew what was happening but could do nothing about it. Well...you could, technically, but it hurt. It hurt to fight. The pain was similar, you imagine, to what it feels like getting burned alive and then ran over eighteen times.

You didn’t think you could do it. Your will power wasn’t that strong. You would probably die trying to gain control—

It hurt. It hurt. You didn’t want to. You couldn’t, you—

Natasha. Natasha was saying; “fight it, Y/N, fight it,” and to you and to the pain that fighting the mind control caused, she may as well have been saying, “die, Y/N, die”

And yeah. Okay. For her, you will. For her you must.

Tears were running down your cheeks, it was the one thing the mind control didn’t have control of. It was...weird. Weird feeling such an immense amount of pain, such an immense amount of suffering, and being unable to show it. Unable to scream. You were silent, but your body felt loud, your head felt loud.

For a long minute you couldn’t hear them, you couldn’t even register the things you were seeing, all you knew was pain, everything outside of that was illegitimate.

Then, silence. For a brief, blissful moment before it was gone again. Nat’s arms were around you, and you were shaking, but completely still otherwise—finally, finally, you weren’t hurting them— “You’re okay,” Nat whispered, and how could that concept, in a few moments of agony, become something so foreign. Have you ever been okay before? Have you ever lived without this much hurt?

———-

“Nat,” you croaked, the words shaking almost as roughly as your body. “Natasha, kill me.”

Those three words, said with an immeasurable amount of desperation, were just as much not your own as your body was at this moment. They were said in a moment of pain.

Somehow, Natasha knew that. She knew that. She knows what you look like when you’re experiencing physical pain. It’s been seared into her mind countless times, but that doesn’t prevent her heart from aching as much as it does when you start begging.

“Natasha please, please baby, please. Somebody, please! Before it—”

And then you were screaming, and Natasha hates how it’s even worse than the begging.

Somehow you’ve managed to gain control of your vocals, but your body isn’t yours again, she realizes it when you start struggling against her arms…it’s a terrible thing to realize.

“Stop,” Nat yells, so obviously terrified and raw that half of the Avengers freeze where they’re circling you. “Stop fighting it, it’s okay, it’s okay.” She holds you as tightly as she can, with her eyes screwed shut. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

And god, she hates the way it sounds like a goodbye too, but she just knows that even if you could register her voice right now, you aren’t going to listen.

You’re going to keep fighting to protect her and the others, because it’s what you’ve always done.

So Natasha takes a deep breath, in and out, and tries to think about her options. She tries to think about her options with you struggling and trying to reach for your knife, and the Avengers circled around her with nothing but ashen expressions that speak of nightmares to come, and she doesn’t know. She just doesn’t know.

There’s no safe way for her to knock you out for a long period of time, not ones that won’t cause long term problems afterwards, but she doesn’t need any because suddenly your body stops struggling, and stops moving, and you’re slumped unconscious in her arms.

It’s a great relief for everyone until Natasha lifts her hand from your pulse, and says, shockingly and terrifyingly devoid of emotion; “I think she’s going into shock.”

——

Everything is a blur to Natasha after that. She recalls yelling, lights, arriving at the hospital, a countdown of; one, two, three, and then she’s sitting in a seat next to your hospital bed wondering when everything went so wrong.

——

All Natasha hears when she closes her eyes is you screaming in agony at the top of her lungs, and all she feels is the phantom touch of your cold ashen skin against her hands.

You’re okay now, Natasha reminds herself. You’re going to be okay, but there’s something deeply traumatizing and everlasting about the moments where you’re sure everything won’t be—the moments you’re almost sure the love of your life won’t be.

Hearing someone you love beg you to kill them, seeing the person you love most in so much agony, it’s...scarring...but Natasha will be strong. She has to be, because being weak hurts too much, but more importantly; you need her to be.

As traumatizing as the experience was for her, she knows that yours was just as bad—if not worse. You were strong for her, so she’ll be for you.

Like protecting her to you seemed like your only option, even while you were hurting so much because of it, it’s Natasha’s only option too.

So she’ll keep it all together, until you’re back to normal and she doesn’t have to anymore.

——-

Natasha startles when you wake up. She physically startles, because the first thing you do is start sobbing, sobbing hard enough to make Natasha concerned that you’ll start hyperventilating.

“Are you okay?” Natasha asks, up from her seat in a flash to be by your side, “is he still mind controlling you? Are you still hurting?”

You aren’t looking at her, Natasha realizes with a large amount of grief. You won’t look at her, but you’re shaking your head no to her questions, and she supposes that perhaps you are okay—physically.

She wants more than that for you, so she sighs, heavily and sadly— because she can’t protect you from this anymore than she was able to protect you from the mind control—and wraps her arms around your distraught form.

“It’s okay,” Nat mumbles, and then winces and corrects herself because it’s so clearly not. “It will be okay.”

That she is sure of, but you aren’t.

“Natasha,” you force out (Natasha tries not to remember the way you said her name yesterday), “You’re covered in- you’re covered in bruises and cuts...baby, i’m so sorry.”

Your voice cracks on sorry, and Natasha closes her eyes to prevent her own tears from falling. “It wasn’t you,” she whispers fiercely, “i’m not mad at you. Of course i’m not.”

“You should be.”

You pull away from her then. Natasha feels the loss in her heart, she’s sure.

All she wants to do is hold you in her arms and never let go, but with the amount of unjustified shame you’re feeling she doubts you’ll let her.

“Your arm,” you stutter, “did it need stitches?”

Natasha won’t lie to you, so she says nothing—instead she tries to meet your haunted eyes. It’s a useless attempt.

She knows what you’re remembering, and she hates it. “The cut on my neck...it wasn’t that deep. It shouldn’t even scar.”

“I didn’t ask you about the cut on your neck, Natasha.”

Natasha tenses where she’s standing, caught off guard by the loathing in your voice until she realizes that it’s not directed at her, but at yourself.

Your eyes finally, finally, meet Natasha’s. They’re tear brimmed, scared, and unbelievably angry. “I’m going to kill him,” you rasp brokenly, “Natasha, i’m going to kill him.”

——-

Nat says nothing. She just continues to stare back at you.

“He had no right, Natasha, he had no right to do that to me,” your face is crumbling now, anger turning back into devastation in an instant. “Nat, why—why was it me? I—god, i’m so angry, i’m so—i’m so sorry. I’m sorry, i’m sorry. God...what did I do?”

Natasha still says nothing, why isn’t she saying anything? You want to yell at her, you want her to yell at you, you want—you want.

“Is Clint...is he okay?” You ask wobbly.

You remember vividly the moment you stabbed him, and the betrayal on his face, the betrayal on everyone’s faces until they realized you weren’t in control of your own body.

“He’s okay,” Natasha says simply. Then, “the man who did what he did to you...Wanda is handling it. She’s able to block out his mind control.”

“Okay.”

“Can I hold you?”

“What?”

Natasha shifts where she stands, looking down. She’s never looked more uncertain. “You didn’t seem to want me close before...I wasn’t sure…”

Oh.

“Nat,” you whisper, heartbroken, “I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust I’m me.”

Natasha tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear and leans down to kiss your temple. You want nothing more than for her to get away from you. You don’t want to hurt her ever again. You can’t. “Oh baby,” she laughs a sad sort of laugh, “you’ve been handcuffed.”

And that, for whatever reason, starts another wave of unreleased tears, but you're laughing now too...if only at the insanity of your situation.

You feel restricted by the handcuffs, trapped in the way you were during the mind control, but you also feel safe. Safe from doing harm, so you allow her, between breaths, to join you on the hospital bed.

She lets out a relieved breath when you do, both because she’s allowed to hold you, and because you’re laughing...yeah it might me a manic sort of laugh, but it’s something.

Something is better than nothing. It’s a start.

——

“Natasha, I can tie my own fucking shoes.”

Nat looks up at you from where she’s crouched by your feet, raising a questioning eyebrow. “Then why’d you ask me to do it?”

“W-What? No I didn’t.” Mind controlled. You were mind controlled again. Fuck—

“Yeah you did,” Natasha reminds gently, “while you were eating your disgusting jello.”

Oh. Yeah.

You release a shaky breath, laughing quietly all the while, because wow. Wow. You’re losing your mind. “I totally remembered that...they just slipped something into my jello…”

Natasha watches you carefully for a few moments before rolling her eyes and getting to her feet. “Tie your own shoes.”

“Asshole,” you mutter bitterly under your breath. Natasha pretends not to hear you and simply presses a kiss to the top of your head.

“I love you,” she confesses quietly. Natasha’s been saying as much over and over again since you first awoke.

“Now I feel like the asshole. Just go get the discharge papers.”

Finally, Natasha laughs.

——-

You’re healing still, emotionally, the Avengers and Natasha are very aware of that. They’ve been as gentle as they can possibly be with you since you left the hospital a couple of weeks ago, but now—now it’s time for an intervention.

So naturally, you press the big red emergency meeting button Steve hides in his room and force everyone to meet in the living room.

“I’m not sad anymore,” You announce to them all when Wanda asks why the fuck she was woken up for.

The grumbling immediately quiets.

“Well,” you pause, considering, “I...am. Deep down. I’m tryna work through it but it’s kinda hard now that I'm forgetting a lot of what happened.”

Natasha sits up at that, alarmed. “You’re forgetting?”

You wave your hand dismissively. “My mind is blocking it out. I’m traumatized...but pretty okay otherwise.” The others don’t look convinced, so with an annoyed groan you relent. “I’m thinking about seeing Steve’s therapist. You guys should too.”

A chorus of protest instantly comes forward, not to your surprise...but Wanda...Wanda does surprise you.

“I am, too.”

Then Natasha, “I...was actually considering it myself.”

Well then.

“I’m also considering making my own sitcom,” Wanda continues, resting her head in her hand. “What do you guys think?”

“Stick to therapy, Wanda. Stick to therapy.”

At that, everyone comes forward in agreement.

You’re sure, in that moment, that with these people you’ll be okay.

335 notes · View notes

geminid20 · 3 years

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Saezuru Tori Wa Habatakanai Chapters 1-42 Self Understanding and Analysis

I made a tumblr account to write my thoughts about this anime which has a strong grip to my soul. I need to write it down somehow to let it go. And this is Saezuru Tori Wa Habatakanai (Twittering Birds Never Fly) by Yoneda Kou. It's a BL manga. I am into watching anime ever since I was little, but no manga has captured my being except Saezuru. I happen to watch a clip of it on the internet and I fell in love with the way of its animation style and of course how handsome the characters are. So I searched for it and read the plot and I thought it's very interesting. I am not into BL manga but Saezuru is way beyond that. The storylines, the characters, plots and the psychology behind them. There are always a story behind every person. A reason why they are like that and how. Saezuru tackles the very sensitive matters in society that we overlooked and never acknowledged. May be because of shame, guilt or whatever. It shows on how the environment shape of who and what a person can become.

Yashiro's character is so relatable. He's very intense and complex. He's very unpredictable and you never know what he's truly thinking and saying. He never likes commitments or attachments because of his trauma not because of his fear. To lose himself completely just like when he lost his innocence as a boy abused by his stepfather. And if he ever loses himself, he thought he won't be able to get back up anymore. Yashiro says in the chapter where he's talking with Hirata making him confess that he doesn't like to die but he's not keen on living either. He wants to live but not the worn out life he has now. He just met the wrong people at the worst times of his life. That's the difference.

I happen to went to a bookstore and read a page in a book that perfectly describes how Yashiro thinks and acts. It's on page 116 from Alice Smith's book, "Beyond The Lie". I bought the book and currently reading it.

What's written in this page shows how Yashiro thinks and acts.

Yashiro accepted his present fate. He accepted that, the way he becomes was never anyone's fault but it's just his life. He is just a fleeting soul directionless. And while he's at his messed up life, Misumi happened to find him and brought him to the world of Yakuza. At that time Misumi, was at the verge of grief from his loss of Kurobane in whom he holds dear and he was finding a woman. He happens to find Yashiro at that grieving moment of his life and established a connection. Somehow Yashiro reminds Misumi of the woman he's looking for and seemed to have focused his grief holding on to Yashiro as a replacement to Kurobane. May be somehow he finds Yashiro comforting to his grief. You know how people redirect their emotions to things or people? That's how these characters are holding on to things and people they find comfort at and never let them go. He became interested in him because Misumi has a fetish on Yashiro's feet. He happened to like it. You can find this in chapters 1-5. I encourage you to reread the manga to understand how Yashiro ended up in Yakuza and why he stayed.

He brought Yashiro to his Yakuza world and is pretty much very obsessed with him. Misumi never wanted to let Yashiro go nor let anyone hold him dear. Yashiro is his prisoner and Yashiro knows that. He hated being a Yakuza and in their world. He hated everything about it but he felt like he has no choice but to be in that Yakuza world. Misumi tricked him of being indebted to him and Misumi and his men treated him badly, physically abused. Yashiro stayed because somehow he found the reason why and that is to protect Kageyama. Yashiro found out that what Misumi was acquiring is a land owned by Kageyama and his mother. Misumi even wanted to hurt Kageyama just to get the land. Misumi is so persistent about it and Yashiro, despite being the way he is, he begged Misumi to let the land go. Misumi became intrigued of Yashiro's actions so he ran a background check. Yashiro suddenly has determination so he made some money to pay back Misumi. But it wasn't enough so Misumi manipulated Yashiro to formally join the Yakuza and says that he can only earn the money and can do what he wants, the power and control if he joins Yakuza. Misumi made a deal to Yashiro in exchange of his friend's safety. That's the time Yashiro used Misumi to get ahead.

Yashiro never had any dreams because his dreams has been crushed when his step father robbed him of his innocence. So ever since that traumatic event he just floated away and be surround by the wrong people. He lived in an illusion that he loves doing it and he is a masochistic person when in fact it is just a mask.

Yashiro treasures Kageyama because he is his first ever close friend who he spends his time to a crucial time where no one cared for him. A special close friend. Kageyama felt pitiful to Yashiro and that's just it. Or may be there's a backstory. Even though Kageyama is always with Yashiro, Yashiro seemed like he's still alone. It's because Kageyama never really tried hard to help Yashiro's being. He's just physically there and doing his own thing, planning his life. That's why Kageyama was surprised that Doumeki and Kuga seemed to know Yashiro's personality more than him when he knows him for 20 years. He was also surprised when Doumeki asked him why he did not stop Yashiro from joining the Yakuza. As a friend, he has a moral obligation to do so. To guide Yashiro in his life since he knows what Yashiro has been going through. And Yashiro was just waiting for him. Kageyama did tried to stop Yashiro but Yashiro had no choice at that time. Misumi knows he's hung up to Kageyama and how important he is to him so I think Yashiro is considering that since Misumi is one scary person.

I think Yashiro never really got over Kageyama while spending time with Doumeki. He even said that Doumeki kinda looked like Kageyama when he's in highschool and that bathroom scene in chapter 24. Come to think of it, Kageyama's personality in highschool kinda resembles Doumeki. They're both poker faces and never really cared about their surroundings. They are also both kinda slow picking up things but Kageyama's numbness to Yashiro's feelings are way over the top. So that made me realized that Yashiro is still hung up on Kageyama and that's what Yashiro needs to overcome when he wants to be with Doumeki.

And here Doumeki comes along to Yashiro's life. I think Doumeki is one pure soul as Yashiro said. Doumeki picks up things so late and very clueless. He never realizes something until someone told him about it. Chapters 23, 24, 25 which are my favorite chapters of the manga portrayed such an honest, raw and vulnerable Yashiro. The bathroom scene.

In the previous chapter, when Yashiro was laying on Doumeki's lap, Doumeki is telling him of his story about that pedophile school nurse who took his innocence. And his experience in prison when his cellmate keeps on abusing him.

Because we all know how slow witted Doumeki is. And may be this is one of the reasons why he is not interested in doing it or to women and may be he is also scared to be like his father.

I am also curious to whatever happened to Doumeki in prison. May be just a bit of a backstory. After all, Yashiro never get to know Doumeki that well before they parted ways.

Doumeki said that he's never really great at showing emotions and that the only time he can show it is through kendou practice.

Doumeki is very mysterious. I think he has a lot of secrets. He has some darkness. Noticed how he is always self-restraining? Self-restrained people usually are dangerous because you never know how they will embrace their darkness and when will they lash out. He has some aggression problem too because people with pent up emotions usually are aggressive when triggered. Even Sugimoto noticed that he's somewhat dangerous described in the chapter where they first met Inami, the crooked cop whom Doumeki hates.

I think Doumeki is aware of how dangerous he might be so he's always aware to restrain himself. In the recent chapters when Doumeki asked Kamiya why he volunteered to do the job despite knowing he slacks off, Kamiya said to get some points and was going along with Doumeki if he ever gets promoted but Doumeki said that it's better if he did not expect him to get promoted. So this rings a bell.

I am also curious on why he tried so hard to cut his ties with his family. I mean, he's the real biological son of his mother. Why did he leave them behind?

In the next chapters around 23, 24 & 25 Yashiro was in panic.

Yashiro woke up in Doumeki's house with the set up just like his own house where his stepfather abused him. And everything came back to his memory, the memory he wanted to forget. According to a book about traumas, people who experience these traumas wanted to forget. Because Yashiro was in a house similar to the set up of the house he's been abused by his stepfather. He thought he's forgotten about it but his nightmare came back and he lost himself completely. I think that's why Yashiro left Doumeki and went to die in Hirata's hands.

Doumeki says his confession to him but he never took it seriously and forgot what he just said. Yashiro was in panic and went to the bathroom. His trauma came back and he is afraid. He knows that it's not the same but it is his trauma causing him all that. He forgot to take off his arm cast or his clothes and he was in shock and just sat on the bathroom floor with the shower on, contemplating. Doumeki, then followed him to remove his arm cast when he saw Yashiro looking so down sitting on the floor and asks if he's okay.

Yashiro realizes how confused he is of Doumeki. On how he can handle him. Yashiro has always been so sure of what he's doing, and strong but to Doumeki he became vulnerable and reminded him of his vulnerability when his step father abused him as a child. Yashiro keeps saying he doesn't want to do it with Doumeki and even said he wanted to puke. But Doumeki lost his control and still did it. It reminded him of his past abused so he cried just like when he was a child. And that's why he doesn't like to be pinned down. He knows Doumeki is different but he reminded him of his nightmare.

He asked Yashiro why he cried and Yashiro told him a lie that it is because it's good.

It was when they were taken to the hospital that Doumeki realized that what he did to Yashiro was wrong. It was when Nanahara said to Doumeki that Yashiro can't remember him and that he's obviously lying. Nanahara said to Doumeki that he heard Yashiro was into it since he was a child and that may be Yashiro does not really want to do it. That's the time Doumeki realized that he failed to understand Yashiro's trauma. He felt so guilty that he looked defeated and decided to part ways with Yashiro. He remembered the guilt he felt towards his sister. And blamed himself for letting it happen yet again to Yashiro.

I think it's timely that Yashiro and Doumeki parted ways for the time being to find themselves. To give time for themselves to heal partially because of those moments. To be sure of their feelings.

For Yashiro who is still hung up on Kageyama and reminded Doumeki of him. For Doumeki to be sure of himself whether it's an indebted feeling, desire or love. They both need time to sort things out.

First of all, Yashiro became interested in Doumeki because he reminded him of Kageyama. Yashiro also has a fetish for beautiful eyes. When he visited Kageyama at his father's funeral, that's the time Yashiro finally realizes his feelings towards Kageyama when he saw him cry. Doumeki became interested in Yashiro because he thought he's beautiful and wasn't sure of what makes him drawn to him. And somehow he wanted to be by Yashiro's side because of what Yashiro did to his sister. Remember, the chapter where Doumeki's sister keeps on loitering at their office and Yashiro made Doumeki mad? And Kageyama asked Doumeki if he's indebted to Yashiro since he thinks highly of him.

Hurt people, hurt people. That's why Yashiro likes to sully the beautiful, to destroy and hurt the ones close to him. He thinks he is unworthy and his worn out life and self is not worthy of any pureness of anything may it be love, affection or comfort. He never thought that despite being the way of who and what he is, someone like Doumeki would come along and made him feel he is also worthy of these beautiful things and feelings in this life. At that moment, he acknowledged that what his step father did to him was wrong. That, what he had been living his life was wrong. In the past he just accepted everything passively and just live a life he has now disregarding everything he truly needs for himself. His self-worth and self-respect. Acceptance is different from acknowledgement.

In the recent chapters, Yashiro seemed to have lost his memory of Doumeki. I think he did lose his memory of him and that it's not a lie because in the recent chapters he often has dreams of Doumeki but he just can't remember his face. May be he is traumatized. Yet again. And gradually remembers bits and pieces until he finally remembers everything when he saw Doumeki's face. So may be it's trauma.

I am also sad that Yashiro might be losing his eyesight. May be it's just temporary because of trauma and may be in the end Doumeki will bring the light back to Yashiro.

Doumeki has been consistent with his intentions to Yashiro. I think he became a Yakuza to become stronger and protect Yashiro. You can find Doumeki's thoughts in a chapter where he brought Yashiro to his apartment. He said he wanted to be stronger to protect him. In reference to this, remember how Yashiro became a Yakuza to protect Kageyama? Here now, did Doumeki become a Yakuza to protect Yashiro? This confused me because remember in the backstory, when Doumeki is threatening Chestnut where Yashiro is and Chestnut asked him if he wants to find Yashiro for vengeance and Doumeki said that's the plan but he would not do it now? So, this is kinda trembling if he really does this in which I think he won't because he's still hung up on Yashiro and the way they parted ways at the hospital, the conversation with Nanahara when Doumeki realized the reason why Yashiro cried.

If you see Doumeki at the recent chapters he has a lot of visible scars on his face and may be on his leg and chest because of the gun shots. Come to think of it, he took a lot of wounds in just 3 to 4 months being on probation. What I am curious about is whether Doumeki has a tattoo on his back. I think there will be many backstories to tell. I am also curious of how Doumeki saved Tsunakawa's daughter, Niki. Why would Niki be reminded of Doumeki of her dog Riki? Why Niki can't remember anything of her abduction? What is Tsunakawa's intentions? What is Amou's intentions? Amou is one shady guy. We never know about him really. He seems to be betraying Misumi. Amou is also seeking recognition and love from Misumi. I think he truly thinks of Misumi as his own father. So I don't know what he'll do when it comes to Yashiro and why did he bring Doumeki to Tsunakawa? Was there a deal? Come to think of it both Amou and Doumeki have expressionless faces.

I am also curious to Kageyama's gesture to Doumeki in the chapter where they went to his clinic when Nanahara was abducted. Kageyama touched Doumeki's scar and asked if he's needs treatment and Doumeki said he's fine. Yashiro noticed that. May be because of Kageyama's fetish? But after that, I think Yashiro get jealous so he made a move on Doumeki in the car. Kageyama also said to Doumeki when they first met up and was drinking together with Kuga that he also find him interesting but not in a way Kuga does. What's behind this statement? Yashiro got jealous that he crashed their get together. After that, Yashiro took Doumeki to the cinema to do that. I think Yashiro focus his frustration, depression and his ill feelings towards that sort of thing. Just like others. We tend to shift our feelings towards some things or people for comfort, stress relief or something. Like when we get mad or something bad happened at work, and we can't express it towards that person we're mad about, we find something or people to let go of those pent up emotions. It's a bad action.

Also, I am curious to what Kuga said to Kageyama about competing. It seemed like he is competing with Yashiro in Kageyama's heart. So does Kageyama has feelings for Yashiro all along? After all, love can have different interpretations from each person.

On the other hand, Doumeki's partner Kamiya somehow reminded him of Yashiro so he treats Kamiya just like Yashiro. When he gave Kamiya a sweet bun because Yashiro likes sweets. They also both have the same hair and face. And kamiya is also older than Doumeki.

And it seems Tsunakawa and Kamiya is very interested in Doumeki and Yashiro. I think Taunakawa felt pride that he somehow owns Doumeki because he took him in and Misumi is like that too to Yashiro. I hope Tsunakawa is a cool boss to Doumeki, I have that feeling. I applaud how loyal Nanahara is to Yashiro. He's a genuine friend and not just an underling. I love Nanahara and Sugimoto. Ryuuzaki is a sweet guy despite his looks. He has an unrequited attraction to Yashiro and that feeling always reminds him whenever Yashiro wears something like a T-shirt. He protected Yashiro.

I never hated Hirata but his insecurities led him to be that cruel. Despite knowing that Kurobane and his niece are the only ones together as a family, Hirata killed Kurobane. Why did he kill him? Jealousy? I don't hate any character because they all have a story to tell. In Hirata's case, he is so mad at Yashiro because Yashiro accepts himself of who and what he is. Hirata seemed to be ashamed and in denial of who and what he is. Yashiro made him realized that during the scene at the airport where the cleaners abducted Hirata in chapter 34.

Yashiro made him confessed. I think Hirata loves Misumi and Kurobane took Misumi away from him and there comes Yashiro who replaced Kurobane instead of him. It seems that Misumi and Kurobane's fate is repeating itself thru Yashiro and Doumeki. Doumeki is like Kurobane. They both have un-Yakuza like traits and personalities but aggressive when triggered. They also both cut their pinky finger when they failed to protect their boss. The left pinky finger. If history repeats itself who's gonna kill Doumeki? Who's gonna kill Yashiro? As portrayed in chapter 34, they are both just, gentle and noble as the english translation described Kurobane. I just hope that even though Misumi has an obsession of Yashiro he would let them be and be happy together. I think there will be fights as Tsunakawa has enemies. Remember the former general manager who parted ways with them with some underlings? There is something more. In fact, so much more with this kind of storylines we'll take 20 years. Hahaha.. It's just this manga is so incredible. I've never encountered something like this before. Yashiro's character kind of reminded me of Damon Salvatore from The Vampire Diaries. (just my personal opinion) They both never wanted people to see how kind and caring they are and only let people believe what they showed them to believe, but the people who genuinely cared for them can truly see through their masks.

I just want Yashiro and Doumeki live a peaceful and happy life. They deserved it. I have mad respect and honor to Yoneda Kou. This is such an amazing story in which I can't find the words to truly describe how beautiful this manga is. I keep rereading the manga and rewatching the movie thinking about the little details I might have missed. Actually, I edited this post for over 20 times already. I'm so absorbed to it like it felt like it's so real and they exist in this world.

This manga also made me realize towards my view on this gender. Before, it made me wonder why a man can be attracted to a man? This manga made me realize that this attraction is possible despite the gender. You can not describe it but you just wanted to be with that person and protect him/her. Regardless of relationship or gender, you just do these things selflessly. And this perfectly describes Doumeki and Ryuuzaki.

These are just my analysis. I love stories like this pertaining to psychology and stuff. I'm a new fan and I can't wait for the next chapters. It's so agonizing to wait but I will wait because we can't just rush this. Even if I have to wait for years, I will as long as the story goes as well the way Yoneda Kou wants. I just hope it's a happy ending. A lot of fans would want them. What a beautiful manga. I've been reading the fans comments and analysis on this and wow I'm so amazed of how they think. Really amazing!!!

And my favorite scenes are the bathroom scenes, when Yashiro kissed a sleeping Doumeki, touching his face and everytime he is laying on Doumeki's lap and just having conversations. That's love.

And I happen to dig some songs on my playlist which I think perfectly describes this manga.

1. Jewel - Foolish Games

2. Sara Bareilles - She Used To Be Mine

3. Coldplay - Fly On

4. Ellie Goulding - Love Me Like You Do

5. Coldplay - Gravity

6. LP - Lost On You

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #saezuru fandom #twittering birds never fly #yoneda kou #Doumeki #Yashiro #Yakuza #Anime #Manga

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highonchocolate · 3 years

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Take Two: The Guardian in Gotham Chapter 14

First Previous Next Ao3

I suck at fight scenes, sorry.

---

“Alright, so the rules of the spar are pretty simple.” Diana stood in front of them, arms crossed. She was flanked by Batman and Superman, who waited as she listed out the details.

“Hits to the face are not off limits, refrain from hair-pulling, no breaking any bones, or causing injuries other than minor bruises.” She paced back and front before them.

“Since you are all heroes, I expect you to fight properly, and not resort to cheap tactics. Are there any questions as to what is allowed and what is not?”

“Uh, yes.” Ladybug raised her hand, fighting the urge to duck her head nervously when Diana’s gaze landed on her.

“Go ahead.”

“Is bantering allowed? Because we actually end up doing that a lot during spars.”

“Bantering is fine. Make sure you tap out when you're done.” She reminded them before standing on the side with the older heroes to watch.

Without further prompting, Ladybug and Chat Noir walked onto the mats. Ryuko, Viperion and Queen Bee stood beside Superman, observing them keenly.

“On my whistle!” Diana called, prompting them to nod in acknowledgement.

Ladybug rolled her shoulders and shifted her weight, sinking into a defensive stance. Across from her, Chat Noir mirrored her stance. He narrowed his eyes in playful anticipation, crouching low to the ground. She lifted her chin slightly in challenge, and he smirked back at her.

“Ready to get your butt whooped, Alley Cat?”

“You can try, Buggy!”

Diana's whistle trilled sharply, and the spar began.

Ladybug immediately crouched and swung her leg in an arc. Before her foot could make contact with his legs, Chat Noir was already jumping. He flipped backwards, landing on his feet. There was a dull smack as he landed two quick hits to her ribs and shoulder. She gritted her teeth and punched him in the solar plexus. He sucked in a startled breath, eyes wide. She pushed her advantage, hitting him twice more on the jaw and torso. On her third blow, he brought his arms up and blocked, the punch landing on his forearms. He lashed out, sending several quick strikes towards her face and stomach. She hastily retreated to avoid them, wincing as her shoulder complained.

“Had enough yet? He teased, inhaling the stench of cleaning supplies as he breathed.

“You're the one panting, not me!” She yelled, launching a kick at his chest.

He ducked and jumped forward, tackling her face-first onto the mats. She gasped, all her breath knocked out of her.

“Is that all you got, Bug?” He sat on top of her, one leg in the middle of her back, the other across her knees, grinning cheekily.

She huffed out a laugh, eyes casting about for a way to get out of the pin.

“Harmless kitten!” She taunted, buying herself time.

“Baby bug!” He called from above her, no doubt wearing a smug smile.

“Scrawny!”

“Tiny!”

“Stalker!” She shot back desperately, trying to get out of his hold.

He inhaled sharply from above her, hands loosening their grip on her arms.

She felt guilt twist in her chest, but ignored it. With a heave, she threw him off and lunged. As he stumbled back, she tackled him, bringing him to the floor with a thud. She quickly pinned him, restraining his arms and pressing him into the ground with her body weight. He didn't even try fighting the hold, simply tapping out the moment she pushed him down.

When she helped him up off his feet, there was no trace of his earlier joy on his face. He looked at her with an unreadable, melancholic expression, before turning away and walking over to the rest of their team. She sighed at his retreating back, feeling guilt twist in her gut, before pushing it away. He would understand, right? She reasoned, It was just a harmless joke to get out of his hold, that’s all. It’s not like I meant it or anything! Right?

Whatever. She ignored the small voice in her head chanting That was wrong. That was wrong. Walking over to stand beside Queen Bee, she noticed that Chat had stood as far away from her as he could get, in between Batman and Ryuko. She resolved to talk to him about it later, choosing instead to watch as Viperion and Ryuko began their spar.

---

“Alright, that’s it for today.” Diana announced as Ladybug and Queen Bee stepped off the mats. “We’ve seen all that we need to see, and I believe it’s near noon in Paris, so we’re at a good stopping point for today.”

“We’ll use the information we gained from today to set up a training schedule and regime for each of you, and next time we meet, we’ll formally begin your training.” Batman informed them as they walked back to the room with the Zeta Tubes.

“Do you know when we’ll be meeting next?” Chat Noir asked. Those were the first words he’d spoken since their spar.

“Most probably in a few weeks, we’ll need to find a time that works for everyone.” Superman explained, holding open the door to the entrance hall for them to walk through.

“Thanks.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem.”

“That makes sense.” Viperion agreed, standing beside Ladybug as she prepared the portal.

“Would you like for us to give you times when we are free?” Ryuko asked over Ladybug’s call of “Voyage!”

“That would be helpful.” Diana said, waving as one by one they stepped through the portal.

“See you soon, then!” Queen Bee called before it shut behind them in a flash of electric blue.

They stood there silently, the five of them, on the Eiffel Tower for a long moment before it was simultaneously broken by their laughter. Even Chat Noir cracked a small smile.

“Oh my gosh, that was totally nerve wracking!” Queen Bee exclaimed, still laughing.

“Right?!” VIperion agreed. “They’re all so intimidating! I felt like they could see all my past sins!”

“What sins?” Ryuko joked, nudging him playfully.

“Guys!” Queen Bee exclaimed, “It’s noon! Let's get lunch!”

“Sure!” Chat Noir agreed from where he leant against one a support girder. “But, ah, you three go on ahead. I need to talk to Ladybug for a sec.”

“Alright! See you in ten?” Viperion checked.

“See you in ten.” He confirmed.

As soon as they’d left, he slumped against the beam, head turned away from her.

“Let’s talk on the roof.” Ladybug suggested, pointing to Chloé’s hotel.

He followed her without complaint, landing on the roof and detransforming.

He turned away as she dropped her transformation, looking out at the skyline instead.

“Adrien?” She asked, tilting her head curiously. “Is something wrong?”

“Yes!” He snapped, turning around to glare at her. “Something is wrong!”

“Well what is it then?” She crossed her arms, annoyance seeping into her tone at his harshness. “I don't have time to deal with your little temper tantrums!”

“That!” He yelled, gesticulating wildly. “That is the problem! You keep acting like I'm just a stupid sidekick-fanboy hybrid that's obsessed with you! We're partners! Or at least, we're supposed to be! But it's hard for me to feel like your equal when you say things like you did back there! You called me a stalker-”

“Well you are!” Marinette interrupted, anger rising. She waved her arm in the air. “You have your little...Ladybug shrine or whatever all up in your room-yes, I've seen it!-and you’ve literally sat out on a battle because you were mad that I didn't love you back!”

He threw his hand up in the air, annoyance written on every line of his body. “That was in the past! Newsflash, it isn't all about you! I stopped harassing you to go on dates, and I don't have a shrine for you anymore! I'm aromantic demisexual, and I. Do. Not. Love. You! Not like that, at least!”

He jabbed his finger at her accusingly. “And stop acting like you're a saint as well! You literally spent your free time stalking me around the whole city of Paris and concocting insane plans to go on a date with me!”

She took a step back in shock, her feelings jumbling together into a roiling knot of shame and anger at his rage-filled accusations.

“You had a literal pull down chart of my entire schedule in your room and an entire wall covered in my pictures!” He ranted. “Do you know how creepy that is?! Do you know how unsafe that made me feel?! Knowing that one of my closest friends was obsessed with me? It literally rattled my world! I apologized for what I did to you, all the harassment and ignoring your situation, but you-you just shoved your mistakes under the rug like they never happened! Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, you always try to rationalize a lot of the mistakes you make! There’s always some explanation or the other. And that's just so...argh!”

He paced around the room, pulling at his hair in anger and frustration.

“Not to mention, you think your life is hard?! At least your parents loved you! The only person that loved me was my mother, and she fucking died okay? My dad was an emotionally repressed asshole, who knew nothing about showing affection in an understandable way, and he fucked me up! Badly! Like, I’m literally touch deprived. He consciously knew that being alone all the time while dealing with grief can fuck a child up. And he still left me alone! After my mom died, I can count on one hand the number of hugs I’ve gotten in that household. One hand!” He shouted, eyes wild, chest heaving.

She felt herself getting defensive, her anger rising like a tidal wave. “Oh yeah?! Boo-hoo the poor rich baby didn't get some hugs from Daddy. Get over yourself! My friends, who I've known since we were like, five, voluntarily beat me up! Several times! You couldn't possibly know how that feels!”

“You're right I couldn't!” He yelled, face screwed up in anger. “I couldn't because I've never been to school! My entire life is planned and thought out! I have no say in anything, I have literally zero independence! My whole life is in my Father and Nathalie’s hands! So no, I don't know how that feels!”

“And you know what Adrien?!” She shouted back, not bothering to control her voice.

“My life is pretty hard! I'm dealing with bullying at school, homework, commissions, patrols almost every night, as well as trying to keep my identity secret from my parents, because they like to check up on me!”

“Oh yeah?! Well, guess what?! Your leaving made Lila that much more comfortable with hanging off me! She constantly grabs me, pulls me around, she’s kissed me without my consent! You left, and she didn’t have to restrain herself anymore! And god forbid I tell anybody, because we all know they’re under her spell! And my father?! Hah!” He laughed, but there was no humor behind it.

“He’d just tell me to suck it up! Also, have you forgotten that I take almost all the hits for you?! Because I haven't! I take all of them! All of them!” He whirled around, glaring at her.

“I've died so many times! For you! And I remember exactly what it feels like, because I don't have the luxury of a mind wipe from your magical healing cure! So don't come here saying I don't know what it feels like to be bullied, unless you want me throwing this back in your face too!”

She inhaled sharply, ignoring the pain in her chest from his words. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she pulled out Kaalki’s glasses and prepared to portal back to Gotham. “You know what?! I can't deal with this right now. I'm leaving.”

“Stop running from your problems!” He shouted from behind her, the rest of his words cut off as she shut the portal behind her and collapsed on her bed.

@laurcad123 @liquid-luck-00 @toodaloo-kangaroo @stainedglassm

#maribat #marinette dupain cheng #damian wayne #adrien agreste #chloe bourgeois #luka couffaine #kagami tsurugi #alfred pennyworth #bruce wayne #tim drake #jason todd #dick grayson #lila rossi #alya cesaire #lgbtq characters

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deaddee-anime-brownfanlady · 3 years

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Shouwa Genroku Rakugo ShinJuu:Descending stories Series Lookover.

So I know I'm kind of super late to the party on this one here. But I've just recently watched this anime show not too long ago, which is now one of mine personal top favorites anime series of all times in terms of well-done mature layered compelling storytelling. But I just want to add in while also giving my own thoughts on this who's is Shinnosuke “Baby Daddy” thing along with my other thoughts regarding the ending.

Now, I can totally understand also get why that some people or better yet a good number of some fans being seriously gross out or just plain put off from that “part” of the ending regarding the subject of Kikuhiko / Yakumo being Shinnosuke possible biological father by Eisuke. Honestly when it was brought up in conversation within the scene I really wasn't too freaked out or all that bother by it, cause for one thing this is Eisuke were talking about here, I mean the man while he isn't a awful bad character by any means ... but he is highly, super, extremely creeper noisy as hell! Even Yakumo within the manga series mentioned that he can be rude also inappropriately insensitive at times, or that he's got a real bad habit with his search for “knowledge & truth" were he sticks his nose into other people personal matters and business were he most definitely shouldn’t be.

Especially when comes to Yakumo past for that matter. So him coming up with the theory of Yakumo being the possibility of Shinnosuke being made wasn't something I was surprise at nor was I shock at the fact that Konatsu refuses to either deny it or clam it was true or not, which I think fits perfectly within the realistic themes and elements of the story itself. For one thing Yakumo himself has kept a decade long secret of hiding the truth of how Konatsu parents were actually killed and leading mainly him to carry that heavy burden, guilt, pain, grief, shame also blame for so many years all for her sake alone . Because he would rather her hate him for the rest of her life then had her suffer similar to what he's been going through with knowing that she was basically responsible for her own beloved father / parent's death. Konatsu keeping the secret of who is Shinnosuke actual real bio father is to me her basically doing the same thing of what Yakumo did in order to protect her family & keep the peace. I also didn't think it was that controversial or messed up that she mentioned she might had a strong crush on Yakumo during her younger teens years. Which considering her already highly complex, conflicted, damaged emotions regarding Yakumo and how she felt about him growing up & such wasn't something I was too shock at upon watching the anime for the first time ever and seeing their strained contempt-fueled parental / guardian / child relationship.

I think both the anime also the manga makes good cases here and there on Kikuhiko / Yakumo sexuality in terms of him obviously but also subtly not fully being 100% Heterosexual; its shows his lack of sexual interest towards women or the fact that Yakumo is pretty detach from his own sexuality. Showing him refusing to do anything sexual with Miyokichi or not even allowing her to touch him even though he loved her, I think his lack of interest within women could be based on his early childhood growing up and most likely being born in a geisha House probably had to do with it, also within the manga 10th volume extra chapter with Konatsu as a high schooler its pretty much makes it very obvious as well as clear as day that Yakumo was actually truly in love with Sukeroku. Also if a sexual encounter did happen between the two when Konatsu was a young adult, since she did got pregnant with Shinnosuke when she was within her early 20s, don't you think that Sukeroku would've brought it up within the Afterlife? Cause I feel he would hardly not talk about it or not bring up the fact that his super close best friend who took in his daughter and had sex with her later on & not be pissed off about that, I feel that considering how Yakumo is within the series with him holding onto so much deep-ridden guilt & blame over what happen with being unable to save both Sukeroku and Miyokichi and how internally broken he is inside. Don't you think he would feel the same way of some kind of deep guilt or awful shame for having to had sex with Sukeroku daughter who he has raised and take care of for over 10 to 20 years just cause she wanted the Sukeroku bloodline to live on & not died out.

The fact that Matsuda still wanted to keep the truth of how Konatsu parents actually were killed and that both Yota and Eisuke never told her about it even though she might have probably already figure it out, says and adds a lot to the theme of this story . That life can be highly complex, sad, messy, sometimes fucked up, but also that there are some things within Life that are better left unknown also as well as better left unanswered.

Whoever Shinnosuke real biological Dad is, whether its possibly maybe Kikuhiko / Yakumo or probably most likely Oyabun or some other character. I personally feel that at the end of the day it doesn't really truly matter either way, I think that Shinnosuke is basically the symbolic metaphor of three bloodlines coming together as one at the ending. That he is a lovechild of Rakugo but also a lovechild of Kikuhiko, Sukeroku, Miyokichi fused together of what maybe could've been between either one of them if not for tragic events or bad choices or just unfortunate issues. I think that the plot twist in itself adds so much more to that sense of the weird but also sometimes screwed up aspects of actual real Life regarding family secrets and familial dark history and bloodlines. Also I feel that "part" within the final episode shouldn't deter those of a overall well-written, well-developed, mature good storytelling anime that I've seen in a while so far.

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sincerelymarinette · 3 years

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A Recorded Life Sequel (10/10) - Miraculous Ladybug

Words: 2033 Summary: In the finale, Adrien confronts his father and Marinette and Adrien have a date they deserve. Author's Note: Well, here we are, the last chapter! I've been writing this story for over 2 years now and I'm so happy people have enjoyed it so much. Thank you all for reading and sticking with me! I hope you like the finale :) <3

Prev / Masterlist

Breaking News

---

Adrien waited in the cold room that he had not dared to visit in years. He thought for a long time, and finally made the difficult decision to make the trip. He'd been haunted with trauma and nightmares since he was a teenager by this man, but it was high time he went to see his father again, especially if he intended not to see him for many more years.

The doors opened, and Adrien shot up to straighten his posture when he saw his father entering the room with a guard by his side. His hair was flat, which always caught Adrien by surprise, and Gabriel's scowl was deeper than Adrien ever knew. Gabriel wouldn't admit it, but he was surprised that Adrien came to see him. Last time, their conversation did not end well, and Adrien promised he would not come to see Gabriel unless it was serious.

But after many meetings with his therapist, Adrien decided that this was important enough to see Gabriel. It was a few weeks after the fashion show, but he was sure Gabriel was going to criticize it as much as he could.

"Hello, Adrien," Gabriel said as he sat down across from his son.

"Father," Adrien replied. Though Adrien was older now, and doing much better, he was still scared to talk to Gabriel and did everything in his mind to calm himself down.

They stared at each other for a moment in silence, neither one sure how to converse. Finally, Gabriel took a breath and spoke. "I watched some of the fashion show you and Miss Dupain-Cheng hosted."

"I wasn't sure if you would be able to. It was a nice day," Adrien said, not asking for his opinion, but sure he was going to get it.

"I would have done it differently. The timing was off, and you could have had better music. You had your designers redesign some of my work?" Gabriel criticized.

"Well, all of our reviews praised the music and said the models were amazing. And yes, I did. To fit our rebrand and new mission and values. No one wants to wear something that Hawkmoth designed anymore," Adrien said, holding back every muscle in his body to not roll his eyes.

Gabriel shook his head condescendingly. "You're being dramatic."

Adrien took a deep breath to calm himself down before answering. "Maybe. But all of my reviews recently have been better than they were when you were in charge. They like seeing me so active in the company, and our lines launched in stores recently, and business is booming. So I must be doing something right," Adrien said, confidently. Gabriel's jaw dropped, but Adrien continued to talk before Gabriel could interject. "I only came here to tell you one thing, father, but it turns out I actually have more."

"Go on," Gabriel said after composing himself.

"My time in therapy has helped me deal with everything you have thrown at me, and I know you don't approve of it, but Marinette and I are happiest together. We are running The Fashion House together, and we are sure it will be better than you could have ever dreamed. I hope you learn from your time locked away that what you did was harmful, but I know you won't," Adrien spit out, not thinking twice. "And I am going to continue to be happy with Marinette and my friends for the rest of my life, running Emilie's together and keeping Paris safe."

Gabriel shook his head again, not wanting to hear it. "I will be out of here eventually, Adrien, and I will take back what is mine."

"The Fashion House is mine now, and you're going to be stuck in here for the rest of your life. You're delusional if you think you, Paris' Supervillain, is ever going to get out of here," Adrien said. "It's a shame you turned your grief for my mother to evil and will miss out on the rest of my life, but I don't care anymore. It's clear you don't." Adrien didn't wait for a reaction from Gabriel, grabbed his coat, and stood up to walk out of the room. He was scanned out as Gabriel was brought back to his cell, still a bit shocked by what Adrien said to him.

---

It was a warm summer day in Paris, and Marinette and Adrien finally made time for themselves to have a nice date. They had spent so much time working day in and day out, that they decided they could be a little selfish and take the day for a date. No Kwamis, no cameras, and no one around. It was a nice, well-deserved break for both of them.

They decided the best date to celebrate all they've been through the last few years was to get out of the busy part of the city, and back to the park near the Bakery and the school where they met. The park they spent many days fighting Akumas and filming videos with their friends. Maybe they could even catch a ride on the carousel.

They set up the picnic blanket and started laying out the food. Sandwiches, chips, crackers, and the dessert they got from Tom and Sabine when they stopped by for a quick chat before the date. Marinette's parents were the exception to the no people rule.

They started eating as they relaxed. Every time they came back here, they were always flushed with memories, more memories than what usually came back when they would only visit the bakery. "I'm glad we finally have some time to ourselves. Don't get me wrong, the past few weeks with all the lines coming out has been amazing," Marinette started. "But it's nice to have a few minutes to breathe fresh air."

"I agree, and not have the endless amount of questions ten hours a day," Adrien laughed. "I love what we're doing, but man, it's been tough. Hopefully, now that the rebrand is completed, it will calm down just a bit."

"I bet," Marinette nodded. "Now we just have to worry about new meetings for our fall and winter lines!" She said.

Adrien nodded with her as he took a bite of his sandwich. "I'm happy we chose to come back here; it's been a while since we've been to the park."

"Oh yeah, and it's really nice to not have our date interrupted by Akumas. It's been years, but I still worry," She admitted.

"I know. Nooroo may be living in the box happily, but it's still a valid fear. But you're such a great guardian I know there's nothing to worry about," He complimented.

Marinette rolled her eyes. "Flattering only gets you so far, Agreste," She told him.

Adrien shrugged and looked around the park, remembering how much has changed. Photoshoots, videos created with his friends, projects from school, and now dates. "I saw my father yesterday," Adrien said.

"Is that where you got off to?" Marinette raised her eyebrow. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wasn't planning on it; I just kind of ended up there," He said. "Well, I was planning on seeing him, just didn't think it would be yesterday. He didn't approve of our show or how we're running the Fashion House, but I told him I don't care. I was going back and forth on asking him some things, but then I saw how he is, still planning revenge and hoping to get out of prison, and I realized I don't care what he thinks. I haven't for years, and I don't need to tell him when I'm going to do something or need his permission. Then I stopped by the bakery to reward myself with talking to your parents, who actually enjoy having me around," He said, not aware that he was rambling about the whole experience.

Marinette put her hand on Adrien's shoulder to catch his attention. "Well, it sounds like you made some good self-discovery and figured you don't need your dad. I'm happy to hear that, because your dad really sucks," She said, with a slight smirk on her face. "What were you going to ask him?"

Adrien shook his head to brush it off. "I ended up bringing it up to your parents, because it's much more important to me that they approved of my ideas. They're good people, Mari."

"So you've said. Is everything okay?" She asked, a little worried he was beating around the answer.

Adrien took a deep breath and nodded slowly. He took another bite of his sandwich, and the meat inside fell out the other end and onto his pants. Adrien started to sift through the basket for the extra napkins as Marinette watched him closely. He slowed his searching as he began to talk. "Yeah, I think I'm better than ever, actually. You mentioned the Akumas earlier, and my dad and Hawkmoth were horrible. And though endless amounts of bad things came from him, there were some good things that came from it that I wouldn't want to change," Adrien said.

Marinette cocked her head, waiting for him to elaborate. "Us becoming superheroes, working with our friends closer than ever giving my mom her proper burial. Us finally becoming a couple; that one I wouldn't ever want to change," He said and looked back at her with a small smile. He pulled the extra napkins out and removed some off the top, revealing a black box underneath. Adrien opened the lid as Marinette was putting together what he was saying and saw the sparkle from the sun once it was opened. "Marinette, will you marry me?" He asked.

Marinette's jaw was dropped as she looked at Adrien. "Was this what you were going to ask Gabriel? If he was okay with us getting married?" She asked.

"Yes, but like I said, I don't care what he thinks. Then I asked your parents, and they said they've been waiting for it for years, so of course they thought it was a good idea," Adrien said.

Marinette giggled and nodded. "Of course, I would love to marry you, Adrien."

Adrien's smile grew wide, and he leaned forward to kiss Marinette. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too."

---

BREAKING NEWS: ADRIEN AGRESTE AND MARINETTE DUPAIN-CHENG ENGAGED! By: Alya Césaire <link>

oh my god oh my god oh my god

ITS HAPPENING PEOPLE THE ADRIENETTE WEDDING WILL BE HAPPENING

first alya and nino, now adrien and mari, how will i ever cope seeing them grow up like this

took them long enough! happy for you guys

i remember when adrien first appeared in one of marinette's videos and people shipped them from the start, look where we are now

how it started, how it's going

this is going to be the biggest wedding EVER

will they have the wedding in the backyard of the mansion like they said in the "if we were dating" video from before they were dating

this is the best news of the year

Marinette laughed as she read the Tweets in their trending section, happy to see how excited everyone was. Fans from when she first started her channel following her for years and years, to now watching her get engaged and eventually married. Her parents and friends were beyond excited for the two of them, already ready for the parties and the big wedding (if they decided to go big, that is), and couldn't wait for all to come. Gabriel obviously did not approve, but no one cared, as Marinette and Adrien were going to be happy together without room for negativity.

The Kwamis were excited to shower the wedding with magic, and Marinette couldn't wait to document her road to the wedding. They had to plan, she wanted to make her dress, and she was planning on having a cake tasting session with her parents. Even if they decide not to go big, the celebration with their friends would still have all the fun aspects of a big wedding.

It had been a long few years of battling Akumas and Adrien's father; Marinette and Adrien deserved to be unapologetically happy.

---

@lady-of-the-roses-and-lilies @bookishserendipity03 @avatheexceed @gkz10 @coccinellegirl @kat-thatoneweirdo @strawberryblondish @snow-swordswoman @lilgaga98 @evufries @toodaloo-kangaroo

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chibinekochan · 4 years

Text

Angel in Hell - Part 8

Obey me! Angel Reader Au.

Gen. reader insert.

~2,5k words

Taglist:

@gothjuulpod ; @purgatoryhall ; @sibit360 ; @a-personnamed-ace

_____________________________________

Just in case you had to skip the last part here a summary:

You had a mental breakdown, Simeon brought you home, calmed you down and you slept in his room.

_________________________________________________

After your shower and dressing in your usual clothes, you feel much more like your usual self.

A part of you just wants to forget everything that happened last night. You know you can't.

"How are you feeling now?" Simeon asks in his usual gentle manner.

"I'm still confused but I feel like myself again." You give him a kind smile.

"I'm glad to hear that." Simeon is very relieved.

"So will you now explain what happened to me last night?" You honestly just want to have an explanation and move forward.

Simeon seems to sense your simple desire.

"I know but this is bigger than just what happened to you last night. This isn't just about that, it will change everything that you know about yourself. There is no shame in not wanting the whole truth." Simeon offers you a way out of it.

You can't accept it.

"No, I want to know. Please tell me." You shake your head.

You aren't sure what the story might be but you have to know. Otherwise, it will keep eating you.

"Alright, in this case, we should go to Lucifer. I think it will be best to hear it from someone who has first-hand knowledge. I think he will be able to explain it in the best way possible to you." Simeon seems troubled.

"Why would Lucifer know anything about this?" You are very confused.

"It will all make sense once we arrive. I will be at your side the entire time and no matter what is being said in the room I will be at your side no matter what." Simeon gives you some encouragement.

You are glad that you can count on him.

"I will trust you, Simeon." You feel uneasy but at least you have him to support you.

"That you, that means a lot to me. I just hope that it will stay this way." Simeon casts his gaze to the ground for a moment.

"Are you ready to go?"

You take a deep breath. "Yes, let’s go."

"I would go with you but sadly I can't. Just don’t forget that I'm also here for you." Luke seems sullen but it's important to him to support you.

"That means a lot to me." You give him a light smile.

Simeon nods and you both head over to Lucifer’s room.

It feels like a long-distance away. Your thoughts are all over the place.

Then you are in front of the room.

Simeon knocks. "Lucifer is us. Please open up."

Lucifer opens the door. He looks like he hasn't slept at all.

"Please come inside." Lucifer does his best to sound polite but it's obvious that he has a lot on his mind right now.

You go inside and sit on the couch that Simeon sits next to. Lucifer sits down across from you.

"Do you want tea, coffee, or anything else?" Lucifer doesn't want to talk about it. Yet knows he can't avoid it much longer.

"No, I'm good." You don't feel like wasting time.

Simeon just shakes his head.

"Alright then. I think it's easier if I just tell you the whole story. Is that alright with you?" Lucifer keeps looking at the table in front of him. Like he can't even look at you right now.

"Yeah, that's alright." You aren't sure where this is going but you have a bad feeling.

"What I'm about to say isn't an easy topic and it will change everything that you think you know. We could all just pretend that last night never happened." Lucifer doesn't look you in the eyes. It's hard to read him right now.

"I don't think that I could live like this. Something is going on with me and I need to know the truth." You look at Lucifer with resolve.

You know that there is something that you need to know.

Lucifer nods and takes a long breath. Then his eyes meet yours. It seems to be very difficult for him.

"Alright then. The other day I told you about the person that lived in your room. They meant so much to all of us. They managed the unthinkable and made pacts with me and my brothers. On top of that, I personally was proud to call them a member of my family." Lucifer has a wistful smile on his face. He draws another deep breath, his expression darkens. "They died. It was a horrible tragedy. A moment unwatched and they were dead. It hit all of us very hard. It is still something that is weighing on everyone here." Lucifer shakes his head like he is trying to shake the memory away. Then he looks you deep into your eyes. "They were a good person. One of the best that I have ever met. So after they died their soul got send to heaven. It was, as they say, cleansed. All of their memories were wiped out. They were chosen to become an angel." Lucifer seems to tremble slightly before continuing. "This angel is you."

Your eyes widen, your lips open to say something. You feel frozen and yet somehow everything clicks into place for you.

All of the comments they made, their painful looks, the way they just knew things about you, everything suddenly makes sense.

It's a shock, but deep down you just know it to be true. "I was a human.. and made these pacts. It all makes sense now." You repeat the information you have just gotten. It has yet to fully sink in.

Simeon puts a hand on your shoulder.

Lucifer nods. "I know it must be hard to believe."

You don't doubt his words at all.

"I believe you but why didn't you tell me?" You look at both Simeon and Lucifer.

"That's because heaven ordered everyone to not mention anything to you. The past life of any angel is strictly forbidden from ever being mentioned. You know how much angels care about purity. Even the mere thought of humans being angels is disgusting to some." Simeon chimes in. He seems very troubled.

"Does that mean that both of you will be punished now?" You had an idea about the prejudice of some angels, you were taught the very same thing.

Yet the people you worry the most about are here with you right now.

"Michael can try to punish me. I was against this from the start. Not just for the sake of my brothers but also you." Lucifer doesn't seem to care much.

"Why was I chosen then?" It hurts a little to know that he didn't want you to come, even when you can understand it.

"That was decided over Lucifer’s head. Frankly, he wasn't told who you were until everything was already settled. I was the one that gave them a heads-up." Simeon himself is very unhappy with the whole situation.

"I don't understand this at all. Why did you then accept me coming here despite everything? You could have kicked me out. I would have left if you didn't give me the room." This whole situation doesn't make sense to you.

Lucifer closes his eyes, nodding. "I should have done that but I couldn't. After I saw you…I just couldn't send you away." Lucifer seems to have very complicated feelings. His face seems to hide great pain.

It gives you heartache.

"Is that why Satan destroyed the dorm? He didn't want me here?" You feel so conflicted right now.

"No, he was just angry that he had to lie to you." Lucifer doesn't even hesitate for a second. "As much as it hurt all of us that you can't remember us, what hurt the most was that we had to play pretend. I also think my brothers have done a poor job of keeping the secret from you." Lucifer gets a headache just thinking of their poor attempts of lying to you.

You weakly nod. Remembering all their mistakes, it's amazing that you just glossed over everything so easily.

"I'm very sorry. I must have hurt everyone so much." You know that you aren't to blame but you feel guilty.

"Nobody blames you for any of this mess. I have picked you from the list of possible candidates. You just fit perfectly. So I'm to blame. Just know that despite everything, I'm glad that you are here." Lucifer is ridden with guilt and grief.

His mixed feelings are reflected in your own heart.

"You picked me because of my file?" This surprises you a lot.

"Yes, I must admit that it reminded me of a lot of your old self." Lucifer feels like he should have known better.

"The others did they agree to me being here after knowing about my previous life?" You can't honestly imagine it.

"I cannot say what is in their hearts but overall they agreed. It's probably for the best if you ask them yourself about this." Lucifer himself struggles with his own emotions; he can't even imagine how anyone else might feel.

"You knew them… me before too right Simeon?" You aren't sure how to address this part of yourself yet.

"Yes, we were fellow exchange students and I counted them as a friend as well." Simeon looks guilty. He is deeply troubled about his own emotions.

"Did you take care of me as you did because of that?" You feel very uneasy asking this. It scares you.

"While I recognized you right away I simply took care of you like I would with any other student. It was simply required of me. Our relationship grew naturally from us working together. I honestly regret that I wasn't allowed to tell you the whole story about your previous life. This would've saved you a lot of grief right now. " Simeon looks sympathetic towards you.

You can feel that he genuinely cares about you and it's true that he treated you just like everyone else. Even if you felt like he was ever especially nice to you. Maybe it was subconscious, maybe it's just in your head or maybe there is another reason.

You can't figure it out right now.

"What am I supposed to do now? Go back to heaven? I don't want anyone to suffer because of me." You cast your eyes onto the table.

"You need to stay." Lucifer doesn't move a muscle saying this.

His words surprise you. You look up and meet his eyes. You open your lips, no words leave your mouth. Your mind is blank.

"Don't listen to him. You can do whatever you think is best for yourself. Take your time and decide what you want to do." Simeon makes a low sigh, you almost didn't hear it.

You glance at him and he has a kind expression.

"I'm dead serious. When you were a human I told you that your soul is mine and I intend to keep it that way. There are ways to get your old memories back and I have no intention of letting you go back to a place where I can't reach you." Lucifer's words sound menacing, but they speak of a deep, desperate wish. His pain must be too big to let even a semblance of your past life go.

You can only stare at him in disbelief.

"Lucifer, you can't just force them to do something like that. The person that you knew became someone else. You cannot force them to become whatever you desire them to be. They have their own life, feelings, and memories now." Simeon sternly tries to talk sense into Lucifer.

"I'm not forcing them to do anything other than staying here. If you or they are going to hate me for that then so be it." Lucifer doesn't even blink when he says this. He isn't joking.

"Do you even know what consequences there will be when we have to return to heaven and you keep them here?" Simeon is in disbelief.

"Yes, there might be a war unless they choose to stay and become a demon," Lucifer says this so matter of fact that it makes you shiver.

"Hold on, I don't want a war to happen." You can't stand for something like this.

"There won't be a war as long as you stay here at your own will," Lucifer states this so matter of fact. It seems like he has lost his mind.

"How can you threaten something like this? Lucifer, this is serious! You force them to stay no matter what. How can you be so selfish?" Simeon seems very angry right now. You are glad that he is standing up for you.

"I know you sometimes forget it but I am a demon and I will do whatever I can to obtain what I want." Lucifer's gaze seems to throw daggers at Simeon.

You feel the tense air pushing you far back into your chair.

"Lucifer, I will not let you force anything like this upon them against their free will." Simeon almost slams the table in front of him.

"So, it's alright for you if they agree to stay on their own terms, right?" An ironic smile grazes Lucifer's face.

Simeon narrows his eyes, shaking his head. "Are you even listening to yourself?"

"Well, it doesn't matter much to me why they stay but from my point of view. I still have an entire year to convince them to stay regardless." Lucifer seems confident.

You still have a hard time with all of this. You barely even understand how it came to this point.

"I think we should leave now. We will talk about this later. Come let's go, he is unreasonable right now." Simeon puts his hand on your arm, in a protective manner.

You look at Simeon, you can only nod. You don't even know where to start with this mess.

"You are free to leave Simeon but I will not change my stance and you can take a few days off to clear your mind. I already talked with Diavolo about this." He dismisses Simeon and then addresses you in a kind manner. His 180 response is very strange to you but then again this whole day is strange.

Simeon just shakes his head and stands up. He still seems irritated, you have never seen him like this.

You stand up and shoot a glance at Lucifer, who looks almost wistful at you.

Then you walk out, following Simeon.

Outside of the door, Simeon stops taking a deep breath.

"I'm sorry that everything became such a mess. Everything must be a lot right now. You need to take your time and let everything sink in. I will support you no matter what." Simeon had no idea that Lucifer would turn this into an even bigger problem.

"I'm just so lost now." You are barely able to even say this much.

"That's understandable. I will bring you back to my room. You can rest there." Simeon wants to support you.

"Thank you but I want to be alone right now. I just need to collect my thoughts for a while. Can you tell that to the others?" Your head is a big mess.

"Of course. Give me a call or come to me whenever you want alright?" Simeon is back to his gentle self.

This must be difficult for him as well.

You weakly nod.

Simeon brings you to your room. No more words are exchanged between you two.

You take a heavy breath as soon as your door closes behind you.

"I was human before." You whisper these words to yourself.

It's still hard to believe.

What are you going to do now?

These words echo in your head for the rest of the day way into the night.

_____________________________________________________

So here we are at the end of this fic.

Thank you so much for sticking to the end of this ride.

I know it's just getting interesting.

I'm thinking of a season two of some sort but I need a break.

I don't even know who I'm shipping Angel Mc right now with.

I will work on requests again for a while as usual.

#obey me #obey me angel au #obey me fanfiction #angel in hell #swdom

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bansept · 3 years

Text

Let’s dance

/NSFW WORK/

While it’s not the absolute worse, nor the absolute best I could come up with, it’s a pretty nice start of the maybe long series of NSFW scrabbles for my dear Ichihime fandom!

To anyone who was a bit thirsty, I give you this fresh refreshment that I hope isn’t that bad!

DANCER ORIHIME X STUDENT ICHIGO

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Blurry windows and foggy mirror, heavy breaths and skin burning.

The light was shining on them, their sweaty bodies moving in rhythm with the music, the gentle voice of the instructor ordering them around, making each movement matter.

Now, if anyone had told Ichigo he would be taking dancing lessons, staring at his reflection in half anger, half concentration and listening to young teenage girls giggle behind him, he would have slapped them. Not because dancing was shameful, because frankly, it definitely was not. Well, except for some dances, like the macarena or shit like that. No actually, Ichigo would not have believed himself for agreeing to come to dancing lessons to stare at the instructor.

As in, gawk at her.

Ichigo Kurosaki’s week had started as normally as any other week : waking up early, drinking liters of coffee, going to work on some english literature thesis, eating with some friends and coming back home to work until way too late at night, and starting over again.

Yes, he had been told several times by everyone he knew that coffee was bad when it was too much, yes, he had been told to work better on his thesis if he wanted to study and teach Shakespeare. Easier said than done, and that was why his friends had kept rumbling about either taking a break, thank you Chad, or stoping any distractions and really work, fuck you Uryu.

He was sitting across them, stirring his lunch leftovers slowly while the tall half Japanese half Mexican giant was pushing his hair out of his eyes, looking around them as Uryu was probably talking to him. Ichigo tended to not care much.

“So you better get back on track before your old man decides to stop…”

“He’s not lending me money anymore. I work now, you know?”

Uryu threw Ichigo a quite unimpressed look, closing his mouth only to push his glasses up his straight nose. Chad was holding back a tiny smile, but Ichigo of course saw it.

“Giving lessons to kids and working part time in a dojo isn’t really enough to pay for important studies. Or keep you floating like now for the rest of your little life.”

Ichigo gritted his teeth together, a hand digging in his pocket to hold onto his phone, anything hard to stop him from throwing hands with his friend. He really wondered how or why he even talked with the blue-eyed man in front of him.

“Excuse me?” A voice came from the side, clear and ringing in his ear loud enough for Ichigo to turn his head around. Any distraction was good enough to momentarily wipe Uryu from his mind.

Ichigo felt his grip on his phone loosen, just like his jaw.

The angelic voice that had called them was probably the most angelic form of life on Earth, putting to shame anything renowned painters and, god forbid, even Shakespeare, had ever described. With long, fluffy and so exquisitely soft looking auburn hair, bright grey eyes surrounded by a round face, with subtile eyebrows, a cute little nose and, fuck, pillowy lips…

The young and oh so magnificent woman was slightly leaning towards them, an inviting smile on her face while her slender hand was handing over rosy flyers.

“I’m sorry to bother you, gentlemen, but we are offering free dancing lessons to promote the opening of our new dance studio.” A sweet smile and Ichigo felt his eyes widen further. “Would you be interested?”

With the push of his friends, and because he was perfectly unable to say no to such a goddess, Ichigo was the only one to accept, the other two finding some kind of weird excuse. But really, the young man was perfectly fine in agreeing to go alone there.

What a fantastic recruit they had chosen for the job, he marvelled, walking down the sunny streets with his backpack, staring at the flyer that the gorgeous woman had given him. He wondered if she would be here, in this class, jumping around in sportswear and doing whatever dance lessons did. Ichigo snickered when he realized he’d be one of the idiots doing those idiocities too.

After a good 15 minute-walk, the orange-haired man stood right at the front of a brand new building, the white walls making the golden-ish design of the sign shining in the sunlight. Windows with closed curtains made him raise an eyebrow, but he still entered the dimly lit building, the office desk standing elegantly, but alone.

“Hello?” He asked, voice calling out in the empty space.

God, he hoped he had not arrived too late. Or worse, too early. Ichigo hated to appear eager, even if his brain reminded him that, actually, he was.

A few quick steps rushed on the clean floor, the young woman appearing from the corner of a room, head out of a door, that certainly led to the dance floor. Damn, he hated that word, but like the way her face lit up seeing him.

“Oh! You came!”

Now, if his heart had jumped when Ichigo had first seen her, now something else did when she walked up to him in tight clothing, working out clothing, that hugged everything and didn’t leave much to the imagination. The man quickly got his backpack into his hands and placed it in front of his groin. Breathe in, you can do it.

“Well, huh, I told you I would come, right?” He chuckled airily, watching her smile again, her shoulders lifting up in happiness, her breasts bouncing NO DON’T THINK ABOUT IT.

“Thank you for coming, sir. You are right on time for the 3PM lesson. Others should come, but classes are mostly in the morning. Though I could make an exception for you!”

She brought her hands together in a small clap, and Ichigo did blush but desperately hoped it didn’t show.

It did, and the young woman pointed at the door in the back, with written in both English and Japanese “changing room”.

“You can go get changed, here is the key. Please be ready in 10 minutes.” she bowed to him slightly and walked back to the studio, slower than when she came in, and Ichigo felt his eyes trailing after her, impossible to stop himself or walk ahead as long as she was in here.

“I’m fucked.”

Yes, he was.

His young, overactive and definitely way too interested brain had created this mental image of dancing lessons, yoga sessions and massages to be a place of filth, where people turned into beasts and let nature rule them over as one of them was bended over a table while the other pounded in them. Instinctively, the clever and thinking part of said brain had stopped the idea, assuring him they were only fantasies young people in rut had twisted to fit their horny selves.

Unfortunately, part A of the brain had been right, and part B admitted defeat immediately when the session started with stretching methods.

With the instructor showing, naturally.

Going up, down, to one side then the other, running around the room wasn’t that bad. It actually helped get rid of the incoming boner Ichigo felt growing, and he stopped at the end to breathe out, now completely calm.

Apart from the moment she had come up to him to gently help him get the posture right, expertingly taking his hands to place them where needed, showing him how to do the exercise, her butt for him to see, and it was easy to think it was simply a coincidence.

One that brought his hard on back.

Then Orihime Inoue, the instructor, who had given him her name at the very start of the session so they would stop calling each other “Miss” or “Sir” as if they were still in school, came next to him and asked him to do some squats.

“I don’t see how that helps the dancing…” He doubted, looking at her in the eyes, and she chuckled lightly, raising her hand to pick up his arms and place them in the air, in front of him.

“Dancing is beautiful and powerful when you have good leg muscles. And while you do have muscles, if they themselves are not powerful enough, you won’t last very long.” She explained.

He sighed, argument hitting the spot, and did as many squats as her, next to him. If he was going to do some body work, then it would have been better to simply just go to the gym…

“Come on, don’t day dream! Do 50 and then we’ll see how you dance.”

The world stopped, all the clocks ticking in the empty void, head turning to stare at her incredulously, catching her puffing out her cheeks and laughing out loud, holding on to his shoulder to avoid slipping on the ground.

“I’m kidding, Ichigo-san! Don’t worry!” She kept laughing in her hand, and the young man felt several things : first, shame for letting his fear sweat outside of his body. Second, amusement at her dorky laughter.

The third emotion was out before he could control it, pulling her close to him and taking her hand off her face. Orihime looked shocked by his actions, ears and cheeks reddening from the effort as well as embarrassament.

“What…”

“That’s enough exercising for now. Let's get to the real work.”

He looked into her eyes, who had kept on looking up and down his body for the last half hour, her hands who ran up his arms to land on his collarbones, mouth opening slightly to let out nothing but a tiny “yes”.

He had been on fire for multiple reasons in life : because of anger against his father, his friends, sometimes his sisters. Because of grief, when he had to help other family members carry his mother’s coffin. Because of anxiety and weariness, because of exercise.

But this time, when he walked the two of them to a bench by the side of the room, he was burning in need and hunger.

Orihime was also fever like, the nice and calm mask she had slipped on falling away with her tank top, leaving her in just a sports bra while she kissed Ichigo deeply, tongue easily giving up the dominance in favor of the man’s own flexing muscles.

The sound of the music all but disappeared when their bodies collapsed together, hungry kisses and nails like tiger’s claws on each other’s skins.

With a quick breath, Ichigo pulled away from her mouth to kiss her neck, lapping at it gently, her hand going to his hair while he touched the skin of her hips and stomach. Softness and hard muscles seemed hard to combine, yet there she was, smooth smooth skin covering powerful muscles, ones that he would enjoy teasing.

After the kisses, his head got lower and lower, caging her lower stomach, not touching in the slightest her breasts, that would come later.

“Hmf, what are you... “

“Sh, don’t talk too loud, others might hear.”

He grinned from ear to ear, looking up as he licked his lips, her breath catching in her throat. Orihime’s hand suddenly caught his hair and pulled him up, as gently as possible, and they kissed again, one nibbling on the other’s lips, Orihime’s hands getting under the man’s wet shirt, feeling the tight muscles, the crease between each abs, the v line digging in his shorts.

“No one else is here… So, don’t hesitate to yelp, Ichigo.”

She murmured agaisn’t her lips before going deeper in her search, this time digging in his shorts to find what she seeked with a grin.

Ichigo yelped indeed, not expecting the woman under him to get so bold, yet there she was, feeling him up and stroking him in his damn shorts.

Fuck, would be the right word to use.

He didn’t utter a single vowel, bringing her pants and her underwear down rapidly, going back to kiss her as their lips found each other again, lost in moans and the electric touches of their tongues. Orihime kept on stroking him, gently pumping him up and down, the member in her hand turning even harder as she placed her thumb on the slit. Slick came out of it, and she chuckled at the man’s reaction : eyes closed and shaking behind the eyelids, Ichigo seemed ready to burst at any moment, but he groaned, not accepting an early end.

His finger, that had been on her lower stomach, stroking at her sensitive part, now had entered her, one by one. The long digits didn’t waste any time in looking for her gspot, that tender place inside of her that would make her see stars in seconds, if he was careful enough.

“Ichigo… No, not like, th-that…” She moaned against him, her free hand digging in his hair, pulling her face in his neck to try to resist the impossible pull on her body. “I… need….”

“I know, baby, I know… Let me take care of it…” He whispered back to her, placing one kiss on her forehead. His fingers came out of her, taking her own hand off of him, even if he twitched in insubordination. “You’re all good, Hime, you’re good…”

He reassured her, voice gentle like he knew she liked, hands lowering his pants to angle his cock to her. Ichigo finally freed her breasts from their confined space, letting them overflow on her chest, filling his vision with sights of her blushing face and exposed tits.

“You’re beautiful Hime…”

He smiled at her, rubbing her nose with his with a grin that she gave back, before entering her fully, nice and slow. She yelped this time, voice resonating in the empty room, but never stopping her sweet sound and words towards him as she dug her fingernails in his back, feeling him getting as deep as possible, filling her up to the brim, the end, to the heart.

She pushed her head out of his neck, and with a tiny frown, pouted.

“You didn't play.”

Ichigo winced, the tightness of hers squeezing just right around him, and nodded his head.

“I’m sorry… I tried, but you always look so fucking amazing in sports wear… fuck, I couldn’t just pretend I didn’t know my own fiancée!”

Orihime didn’t answer, couldn’t really, and pulled him back down against her generous mounds before he got started with his thrusts, rocking them carefully against the oh so fragile wooden bench of his future wife’s dance studio.

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I’ll never forgive my playlist for making me turn what was supposed to be absolute filth into sweet love making on a bench.

Tell me what you thought of it, and how I can better myself!

#bleach #ichihime #ichihime fanfiction #ichihime writing #ichihime headcanon #ichigo kurosaki #orihime inoue #ichigo x orihime #light nswf #not that hard #ichihime nswf

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sourwolfstories · 4 years

Note

Hey! Do you have long fic recommendations? Can you involve some soulmate fics but AU are welcome too Long like 50k, 100k+ but really ill read anything

Soulmate fics (at least 50K)

When the Universe Comes Knocking (It’s Polite to Open the Door) by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella)

It was like a door he’d nailed shut in his brain suddenly exploded open, all of his past confusion and anger and hurt and adoration flooding out at once. Stiles? Was it actually Stiles?!

Stiles, the guy he’d had a crush on for fucking years growing up. The guy who’d been an absolute dick to him their whole last year of high school.

The guy who’d told him he loved him in a dirty men’s bathroom on prom night while drunk and upset because he thought Kira was Derek’s girlfriend.

That Stiles? But it couldn’t be!

Marks and Mics by DLanaDHZ

Hale siblings Derek and Laura have been hired to run security for Stiles Stilinski's music tour. Business as usual, except someone is trying really hard to prove they're incapable and hurt Stiles. Derek finds himself curious about Stiles' bitter attitude and a strange illness that plagues the singer. And on top of that, Derek's soulmate remains elusive.

Written Can’t Be Denied by lookslikenico, winglesswarrior

Since time immemorial the story of ‘soulmates’ has persisted. In short, the idea that somewhere out there is your perfect match, the one person who can complete you and with whom you can find total happiness.

The story goes that, the first time you meet your ‘soulmate’, the universe will give you a sign in what should be the most obvious way - somewhere in your immediate vicinity the word ‘soulmate’ will appear. If reports of ‘soulmates’ are to be believed, rather than being written of as hopeful delusions, then this ‘obvious’ signal is anything but, fleeting as it is. The word seemingly only appears for a matter of moments and only when two people first meet. There is no guarantee that they will be looking in the correct direction to see it, nor that they will have any idea who their supposed ‘soulmate’ actually is.

A fact that causes havoc the day that up and coming actor, Stiles Stilinski holds up a bottle emblazoned with the word 'soulmate' in the middle of a press conference where Derek Hale is working as a photographer, in the middle of the worst day of his life...

Connected by readridinghood

After the death of his wife, Stiles finds himself left alone with their three children, struggling to keep from being sucked into a void of grief and despair that her death left him with. Knowing his children are safe in the pack's arms under Derek's watchful eyes, he struggles to regain his footing. What do you do when the world keeps tumbling over you and what you've thought of as fact no longer holds true? As the world comes back into focus, so does the love for Derek he thought he'd long since conquered and now with his eyes open, what he thought was the end of him, is only a new beginning. A decade after he fell in love with Stiles, countless days of keeping himself restrained while building a friendship with him, Derek finds out with absolute certainty that Stiles is his mate. You only mate once in your life, so how is it that Stiles was mated to Sophia, his wife and mother of his three children, the woman he is grieving the loss of at the same moment that Derek makes his discovery.

Three Marks by sanam

"And then there was pain again, but this time it was in only three places—his arm, below his clavicle, and next to his heart, all on the left side. It felt like the skin was being sliced apart, ripped open, flayed off— And suddenly it was done. Derek looked across the room and saw the boy on the floor, looking about as bad as Derek felt."

Derek and Stiles learn that bonding is probably best done with ridiculous amounts of video games and maybe a little bit of time.

Other fics (at least 50K)

Rich Man, Poor Man by TyReed

During a first date gone horribly wrong, Stiles Stilinksi realizes that the snarky guy he's been asked out by is actually Derek Hale, an heir to Hale Industries, one of the most profitable companies in the entire world. Who is, for whatever reason, interested in the son of a teacher and a cop, a loser who spends all weekend watching movies in his pajamas, and who is also possibly one of the biggest dorks on the Internet.

At the same time, after screwing up their first date horribly, Derek Hale realizes that the funny guy he's asked out is Stiles Stilinksi, the warmest and kindest individual he's ever met in his life, with a family just a loving and caring. Who is, for whatever reason, interested in a guy who screws up everything he does, lacks any semblance of a backbone, and who is possibly one of the biggest history dorks in all of the United States.

These rich and poor men will come to experience a taste of each other's lives, and learn where the real blessings in the world can be found.

Feel it like a fever, burning through the night by LunaCanisLupus_22

“That was my favourite fern,” Deaton declares and Stiles glances at Scott for clarification that such a ridiculous statement just came out of his boss’ mouth.

“You could have just told me not to touch it,” Stiles points out sensibly, squirming inside with something he refuses to believe might be guilt.

Not about the dumb plant, but the instant devastation he’s currently overwhelmingly and inescapably capable of. He can destroy with one touch now.

This is going to complicate things so much.

Or the one where Stiles tries to do the noble self-sacrificing thing: gains a new power, a spectral skin colour and basically ruins his own life. 0/10 would not recommend.

It’s (Not) a Cult by lhr111

“Well Stiles, you told me a few weeks ago that you thought Derek was leading a cult.”

At that Derek whipped his head toward Stiles in shock. “You thought I was a cult leader?”

Stiles will not be shamed. “Well, either you or Peter. Peter made more sense, but since he deferred to you that one time I was a little unsure. I mean, what else could I think with all the weird shit going on. You, hanging out with random high school seniors, doing secret things, ordering them around like you are their parent, them actually doing what you tell them. It’s really weird, okay?”

“Are you familiar with Harry Potter?” Derek asks.

Talk about a non sequitur. “What? What does that have to do with anything? And, of course I know Harry Potter!”

“Well to quote Sirius Black, ‘Once again you’ve put your keen and penetrating mind to the task and as usual come to the wrong conclusion.’"

The Sheriff starts snickering, and Stiles is both insulted and also a little in love.

Call Me (Cliché) by SomewheresSword

When the sheriff's sister ends up in a wheelchair for the duration of summer, Stiles' dreams of three months full of pack bonding, late-night video games and bro-time with Scott come crashing down. He's temporarily relocated to Redford, a three hour drive away, and he can already tell he won't be getting many visitors.

Sure the pack will forget about him while he's gone, Stiles is determined to make the most of his summer of isolation, training his body and mind - and his magic - so he can come back with a bang, and maybe catch a certain Sourwolf's eye.

Then Derek shows up at his window one night with a flimsy excuse about needing research done. Suddenly, his summer away is looking a whole lot more interesting.

There’s No Escape for the Potato Man by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella)

“Who is this? Where’s Erica?”

“Wrong number, asshole!”

“Stop calling me an asshole,” the man on the other end snapped aggressively.

Stiles could understand. He’d be pretty aggressive too if he’d murdered someone and texted a wrong number to ask for help burying the body. This guy obviously failed How To Be a Serial Killer 101.

“What kind of idiot thinks I murdered someone?”

“The kind of idiot who got your text messages, you fucking dumbass!” he retorted hotly. “Maybe double check your contacts before sending a random stranger details on your nefarious plans to dispose of a freshly cut up body!”

“What?!” the guy on the other end demanded, crossed between horrendously confused and livid.

---------------

If you want more soulmate fics you can check that tag here

you can also find more long fics here and here

Happy Reading :)

#answered #anonymous #sterek #sterek fic rec #sterek fanfic #sterek fanfiction #soulmates au

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welllpthisishappening · 3 years

Text

Welllp These Are Books: the January 2021 Edition

Tumblr’s gif search leaves a lot to be desired, so there’s no actual gif of her slamming the book shut, which is—y’know, disappointing. Still, the continued ability of the public library system to send books to my Kindle ensures that I continue to read every romantic comedy and fantasy story I can find. Of which I have plenty of thoughts and opinions. But, like, what’s the point of having thoughts and opinions if you’re not putting them on the internet? There isn’t one, obviously. Books and links and feelings and more ridiculous headlines all under the cut.

BEST BOOK AWARD WINNER OF A VERY WEIRD JANUARY THAT HELPED DISTRACT FROM A VERY WEIRD JANUARY

The Wrath & the Dawn by Renee Ahdieh Every dawn brings horror to a different family in a land ruled by a killer. Khalid, the eighteen-year-old Caliph of Khorasan, takes a new bride each night only to have her executed at sunrise. So it is a suspicious surprise when sixteen-year-old Shahrzad volunteers to marry Khalid. But she does so with a clever plan to stay alive and exact revenge on the Caliph for the murder of her best friend and countless other girls. Shazi’s wit and will, indeed, get her through to the dawn that no others have seen, but with a catch . . . she’s falling in love with the very boy who killed her dearest friend. She discovers that the murderous boy-king is not all that he seems and neither are the deaths of so many girls. Shazi is determined to uncover the reason for the murders and to break the cycle once and for all.

This was so good?!?! I finished the first book and them immediately started the sequel, like no break whatsoever?!! I wish they weren’t teenagers?!! But seriously I wish they hadn’t been teenagers. Like, I get it. It’s YA. That probably sells better, something about markets that I don’t understand. I don’t care. It was weird that they were teenagers. Also, some of the plot points just kind of...happened? And I’m not entirely sure they were ever resolved. (Although there are a bunch of short stories, so. Maybe I just haven’t gotten there yet.) Despite that, the writing was gorgeous, I remain as prone to swooning over sad boys patent pending as I was when I was sixteen and Shahrzad was a fantastic heroine. Nine out of ten (would have been ten if they weren’t teenagers) and have already put holds on other books Ahdieh has written.

OBLIGATORY RAGE-INDUCING ROM-COM

Head Over Heads by Hannah Orenstein The past seven years have been hard on Avery Abrams: After training her entire life to make the Olympic gymnastics team, a disastrous performance ended her athletic career for good. Her best friend and teammate, Jasmine, went on to become an Olympic champion, then committed the ultimate betrayal by marrying their emotionally abusive coach, Dimitri. Now, reeling from a breakup with her football star boyfriend, Avery returns to her Massachusetts hometown, where new coach Ryan asks her to help him train a promising young gymnast with Olympic aspirations. Despite her misgivings and worries about the memories it will evoke, Avery agrees. Back in the gym, she's surprised to find sparks flying with Ryan. But when a shocking scandal in the gymnastics world breaks, it has shattering effects not only for the sport but also for Avery and her old friend Jasmine.

I stopped reading it. Honestly. I got, like, 46% of the way through, kept complaining to Justin about how goddamn annoying Avery was and how no one had any personality and I wanted them all to fall off the beam and he was like—stop reading it, then? And I was like—I can do that? And then I did! Also, I understand it needed conflict, but the “shocking scandal” in the description is a sexual assault that was not only NOT my cup of tea, but felt like a massive attempt to be topical by using what happened at Michigan State without actually saying it was about Michigan state.

PEOPLE WHO DON’T KNOW SPORTS WRITE SPORTS AND DO IT OK

Evvie Drake Starts Over by Linda Holmes In a sleepy seaside town in Maine, recently widowed Eveleth “Evvie” Drake rarely leaves her large, painfully empty house nearly a year after her husband’s death in a car crash. Everyone in town, even her best friend, Andy, thinks grief keeps her locked inside, and Evvie doesn’t correct them. Meanwhile, in New York City, Dean Tenney, former Major League pitcher and Andy’s childhood best friend, is wrestling with what miserable athletes living out their worst nightmares call the “yips”: he can’t throw straight anymore, and, even worse, he can’t figure out why. As the media storm heats up, an invitation from Andy to stay in Maine seems like the perfect chance to hit the reset button on Dean’s future. When he moves into an apartment at the back of Evvie’s house, the two make a deal: Dean won’t ask about Evvie’s late husband, and Evvie won’t ask about Dean’s baseball career. Rules, though, have a funny way of being broken—and what starts as an unexpected friendship soon turns into something more. To move forward, Evvie and Dean will have to reckon with their pasts—the friendships they’ve damaged, the secrets they’ve kept—but in life, as in baseball, there’s always a chance—up until the last out.

I am admittedly a sports snob. Writing about sports is my thing and I’m super particular about reading about it. But this sounded good and for the most part it was good. Emotional, too. Like, “jeepers, that was intense” kind of emotional. But also some of the things Dean talked about were just...not how sports work and that drives me nuts. Also another story that was, as mentioned, super emotional only to get tied up in this nice little bow. Which, cool, but also...not? Just felt rushed at the end.

IN WHICH SHIPPING IS QUESTIONED AND I JUST LIKE BEN BARNES

Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo Soldier. Summoner. Saint. Orphaned and expendable, Alina Starkov is a soldier who knows she may not survive her first trek across the Shadow Fold—a swath of unnatural darkness crawling with monsters. But when her regiment is attacked, Alina unleashes dormant magic not even she knew she possessed. Now Alina will enter a lavish world of royalty and intrigue as she trains with the Grisha, her country's magical military elite—and falls under the spell of their notorious leader, the Darkling. He believes Alina can summon a force capable of destroying the Shadow Fold and reuniting their war-ravaged country, but only if she can master her untamed gift.As the threat to the kingdom mounts and Alina unlocks the secrets of her past, she will make a dangerous discovery that could threaten all she loves and the very future of a nation. Welcome to Ravka . . . a world of science and superstition where nothing is what it seems.

I wanted to like this so much. So, so much. And sometimes I did. Sometimes I did not. At all. World building is my weakness and this has got it in spades, but the characters are kind of—boring? I couldn’t really bring myself to care about Alina and I wanted to kick Mal in the shins sometimes. The only interesting one was The Darkling who’s like the embodiment of all evil and I am not here to ship-shame anyone, but it’s kinda weird to ship him and Alina. I pictured Ben Barnes the entire time. I’m still excited for the show. I’ll read the sequel at some point, probably.

BEING A JERK IS NOT ROMANCE, YOU’RE JUST A JERK

Would Like to Meet by Rachel Winters It's Evie Summers's job to find out. Because if she can't convince her film agency's biggest client, Ezra Chester, to write the romantic-comedy screenplay he owes producers, her career will be over. The catch? Arrogant Ezra thinks rom-coms are unrealistic—and he'll only put pen to paper if Evie proves to him that it's possible to meet a man in real life the way it happens on the big screen. Cynical Evie might not believe in happily ever after, but she'll do what it takes to save the job that's been her lifeline . . . even if it means reenacting iconic rom-com scenes in public. Spilling orange juice on a cute stranger? No problem. Leaving her number in books all over London to see who calls? Done. With a little help from her well-meaning friends and the adorable father-daughter duo who keep witnessing her humiliations, Evie is determined to show Ezra she can meet a man the way Sally met Harry. But can a workaholic who's given up on love find a meet-cute of her very own?

I love cliches. Love ‘em. Want to read about ‘em, want to write about ‘em. Here for happily ever after. Much less here for the overused and antiquated cliche of dude doesn’t believe in love like girl does, dude ridicules girl’s belief, dude was secretly in love with her the whole time. It’s super dumb. And we should stop writing it. Also really done with rom com girl can’t figure out her life! she’s overworked! she doesn’t have time for her friends! Super duper dumb. I don’t know guys, this book happened.

FAST-PACED ROMANCE ISN’T AS WEIRD WHEN IT’S WELL WRITTEN AND THERE’S A MOOSE INVOLVED

The Tourist Attraction by Sarah Morgenthaler He had a strict "no tourists" policy...until she broke all of his rules. When Graham Barnett named his diner The Tourist Trap, he meant it as a joke. Now he's stuck slinging reindeer dogs to an endless parade of resort visitors who couldn't interest him less. Not even the sweet, enthusiastic tourist in the corner who blushes every time he looks her way...

Two weeks in Alaska isn't just the top item on Zoey Caldwell's bucket list. It's the whole bucket. One look at the mountain town of Moose Springs and she's smitten. But when an act of kindness brings Zoey into Graham's world, she may just find there's more to the grumpy local than meets the eye...and more to love in Moose Springs than just the Alaskan wilderness.

This story of Alaska marries together all the things you didn't realize you needed: a whirlwind vacation, a friendly moose, a grumpy diner owner, a quirky tourist, plenty of restaurant humor, and a happy ending that'll take you away from it all.

I’m not one for slow burn, but I also have a hard time believing romances that happen in, like, a blink. Not the case here! It was so goddamn cute! There was a moose! Graham kept calling Zoey darlin’ and it made my heart try to explode in my chest! Stars Hollow-levels of small town with lots of side characters and a good plot and a restaurant that everyone always went to! You guys know I’m trash for everyone always going to hang out in the same restaurant! I’m reading the sequel now, so that’s how much I enjoyed it.

AMAZON BOOKS THAT CONTINUE TO BE WAY BETTER THAN THEY SHOULD BE

Elodie of the Sea by Shari L. Tapscott (part of the Eldentimber Series) Eight years have passed since the marriage tournament that decided the fate of Princess Pippa of Lauramore and strengthened alliances between the kingdoms of Elden. The competitors have moved on with their lives. Some have found adventure; some have found love. Prince Bran of Triblue, however, has put his life on hold, preparing for his father's crown. Two days before Bran's winter coronation, just when the prince cannot afford distractions, a girl washes onto the Triblue shore. She has no memory of her past life, no clue who she is or where she belongs—nothing but a ring on her finger and a peculiar marking on her cheek. And the newly crowned king has more than a mysterious girl to worry about. The sea has become unpredictable. Storms claim ships in the dead of night, and sailors return with horrifying stories of monsters from the deep. It soon becomes clear the girl and the bizarre events are connected. The girl came from the sea... and the sea wants her back. But Bran isn't willing to give her or his kingdom up without a fight, even if it means he must request help from every corner of Elden.

Listen, sometimes you have to read about a mermaid who lost her memory and the soon-to-be-king who’s, like, immediately in love with her. I mentioned Tapscott’s books in the 2020 post and the sentiment remains the same. You ever read a book that reads like fic? Lots of banter, some romance, steady pacing. That’s what her books are like. There are five in the Eldentimber series, all about a different princess in a different kingdom, but they all connect so characters pop up again and again and then they kiss. It’s real good.

#book reviews #the wrath and the dawn #laura reads books #i'm making my way through some of the recs you guys sent last time around too #but don't hesitate to send more #seriously i am down to read anything #welllp these are books

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simplystefanie-rae · 3 years

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God there’s so much I want to say about the wandavision finale I’m not even sure where to start.

Well I guess first I’ll start with just how SHOCKED I genuinely am that Vision is, for all intents and purposes, alive (unless he destroyed himself, but we didn’t see it and that would be rude AF). He’s not our Vision right now but they left a door wide open for him to come back at any point, and to that I tip a hundred hats to them. I had a bit of a post set aside that I was in the middle of writing up about Vision’s character and how I felt he would be wasted if they killed him off for good now (even if this undermined the theme of the show to a degree), and I never got the chance to finish it before the finale, and fuck I’m glad I didn’t now, since it turns out I didn’t need it lol.

Hex! Vision mid season started questioning who he was, and as I was thinking he was definitely a goner I thought it was a shame because this arc of the android character questioning their identity and sense of self was what I wanted for Vision from the beginning. This Vision had his closure in that regard, but as he was purely an extension of Wanda it wasn’t really to the true Vision’s characters’ benefit. White Vision’s appearance gave me hope but I still figured Hex! Vision would kill him so Wanda wouldn’t have to do it, but instead they have a philosophical discussion and his memories get unlocked. Now what I’m really hoping for is a long journey (could not even begin to guess what project would give the room for this) of Vision re-discovering his humanity. He has all these memories, but maybe not the emotions to go along with it? I wish they were just a little more clear on that before he just took off and we didn’t see him again.

Which I suppose can lead to the rest of my review/observations. Under a cut because this got long.

I think the episode really could have benefitted from just 20 more minutes to let it all have a chance to breathe. A few more minutes for Wanda and Agatha’s fight, a few more for the Visions, a few more for Wanda’s reaction to nearly getting killed by white Vision, a few more for Monica...like it was all good things, but it needed more. I feel like there WANTED to be more but it was cut for run time, but why such a short run time in the first place? I never complained about the episode length until now.

Mostly I think I just wanted more lore on the Scarlet Witch, and Wanda coming to terms with what that meant. Honestly okay, I say we needed just 20 more minutes, but maybe it could have benefited from another 20 of Agatha giving Wanda her own little walkabout through the history of witches and what it means to be a witch to give Wanda some space to accept that hey, she’s a fucking witch, and now she realizes she has a lot more power than she thought and it’s this huge responsibility she needs to get a handle on. We see her accept this mantle and identity, but not really why.

I guess Wanda has been struggling to come to terms with her powers for years now, what’s one more thing added on top of that. But that combined with her accepting all the loss in her life, there had to be a neater way to tie the two things together. All the ingredients are THERE they probably just needed to be written by the writer of episode 8. At least I’m assuming it’s a different writer, since 8 was basically perfect and this one not so much.

I’m assuming we’ll see more of what it means to be the SW in Doctor Strange. I worry a little but how far they’re going to push Wanda into morally grey territory. I think it’s clear at this point her being just a straight up hero is off the table, at least for now. She hurt way too many people, she knows this, and I think is accepting it in a way that, while she’s not going to go out of her way to do bad shit, probably thinks she’s incapable of being a hero so what’s the point in trying. She might be more self serving, if that end credits clip is anything to go by.

Maybe? Honestly that could go so many ways. She did say to Monica that she wanted to understand her powers, presumably because she doesn’t want to be this being that destroys the whole world, but I would thinking studying from a book called the Darkhold wouldn’t be the way to go. But then again that’s the book that is written about her and she has no other source to go to other than Agatha, who she doesn’t trust with good reasoning, so I guess there was no other option for her. Urgh, what a mess lol. I’ll talk more about Wanda’s potential future in another post though, it’s so much to get into.

Other observations/thoughts: Monica in general. I’m going back and forth on whether or not she was truly underused or if the smallest glance of her powers was an appropriate tease of better things to come for her. Because while I wanted a cool ass fight scene with her, at the same time I think she deserves her own platform to have this moment of payoff so we can really just enjoy it for HER and not have to also focus on Wanda’s character arc as well. So while I was disappointed we didn’t see a more kickass moment from her, I’m excited for more, and for her to really shine on her own. We got a great introduction to her character and why she’s a hero, I’d like to see the true culmination of this in Captain Marvel 2 or whatever other project she may be in first.

Evan Peters just being Ralph is the funniest fucking thing in the world to me and honestly is what I deserve after so many people just hopping on board this show just to see a character that has very little to do with Wanda to begin with. At the end of the day, this story was about Wanda’s grief, Vision’s identity, and to a much smaller extent Monica’s origin story, not this huge introduction to X-men like everyone kept trying to force it to be, and thank god for that. While the finale didn’t hold up as much as the rest of the show, it was so successful because it was an intimate character study and Marvel needs to realize it can do more of that. Episode 8 was the best of it for a reason.

I have some more small criticisms, like my confusion over how Wanda’s powers are actually suppose to work (why did Monica’s clothes not change from it’s 70s hex form, is it because the hex was still up, and now that it’s down they changed back? Why are Wanda’s powers regulated to being inside a barrier but then she can just control/change Agatha back into Agnes and presumably keep that going when the hex gets taken down?), is Agnes/Agatha just suppose to continue to live in Westview when all the people there knows she’s not suppose to be there? That’s so dark, to be constantly reminded of this awful thing that happened, but at the same time that just seems like sloppy writing and that the writer didn’t actually think through how that was suppose to work. We don’t know if the residents know who exactly she is, just that she wasn’t there before the hex, so I honestly don’t know what they would make of her. And while Wanda is definitely more morally grey now (Agatha even said this was cruel) I don’t think she would force this constant reminder on the people that she just took the hex down for. I’ll just chalk it up to sloppiness.

I also am conflicted on Agatha in general. On one hand, I wish she had a better motive then wanting more magic for more powers sake, but on the other she’s such an unapologetically bad bitch I have to respect it. I did like the beat of her being scared of Wanda’s power and suggesting that there are things even she fears, though it sure was arrogant of her to think she could handle this power she’s also terrified of. But anyway I’m glad she’s not dead, I want her to be more fleshed out. Maybe some point down the road Wanda says fuck it and releases her so she can teach her. It can be the morally grey witch + evil witch reluctant friendship/tutelage we deserve.

I’ll talk about Vision and Wanda’s scene at the end in other post since that’s gonna be a lot more positive. Lizzie and Paul are so fucking good together, they really sold the emotion of the ending even if I was questioning things.

Oh also, Marvel, can we PUH-LEASE give Wanda her brown hair back??? The red is killing me. That post credits scene should have had her brown roots showing to give me peace of mind that theyre not gonna keep it like this!!! Also style the curly hair better for Doctor Strange please. Not a fan of the weird waves it had going.

#wandavision #wandavision spoilers #long post

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whothehellisyn · 3 years

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Cat and Mouse | Ch. 4

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Dark!Mysterio x F!Reader

Rating: 18+ (full fic)

Chapter Warnings: none

AN: oh my god I can’t believe I haven’t uploaded in so long. I’m still writing this but more for my own personal consumption. Tenses get mixed a lot in my brain and this is definitely not beta read. I have no clue where I’m going with the story but I’m about four chapters past this one with stuff!

The rest of dinner passes in quick silence. Louis, paid not nearly enough to deal with the two of you, looks slightly relieved when he delivered the bill to you. When you hand him back the booklet you slip in a £100 note. He seems confused, and you urge him to take it with an insistence that it’s an American custom. Quentin is watching you with an unreadable expression the entire time. You pretend not to notice.

A black SUV is waiting outside for you and Quentin. He motions for you to enter first, and you seat yourself as close to the opposite window as you could to avoid being near him. He sits in a relaxed position, making small talk with his driver. As you watch the buildings blur by in the window you tune out the rest of the world, nestling into your thoughts about everything happening to you. Everything happening because of Quentin Beck.

You love him, though that’s not quite true, is it? You love Mysterio, the widower from another Earth. Who fiddles unconsciously with his wedding band when he’s reminded of his late wife, who has a deep and thoughtful stare when he recounts his grief. Who met your eyes when you recounted your own and said I understand your pain. This, is not that man. This is an actor, a stranger with his face. Is it possible to have loved an illusion worn by a villain yet loathe their very existence?

His laugh breaks your contemplation. It’s boisterous and genuine.

It pains you to hear it.

“Wendell, this is (Y/N).” He says, introducing you to the driver. Wendell is a man in his late fifties with greying hair. You can see the crown of his head where his hair is wearing thin.

“Ah, so this is the SHIELD agent you snagged, hm?” Wendell muses. He meets your eyes through the rearview mirror. “It’s very nice to meet you, despite your circumstances.”

So he’s aware you’re trapped, you think, and doesn’t seem to care. Or maybe he can’t. You’d like to think Wendell is a nice man who is just afraid of Quentin. That seems like a good optimistic line of thinking.

Wendell pulls to a stop some time later in front of a warehouse on the harbor. It’s an unassuming place a ways away from town, the exterior is a bland mix of brown bricks and mortar. Nothing about it screams ‘villain dwelling’ to you, but you don’t discount the fact that Quentin is a master of illusions and probably gets off on boring real estate hiding his tech.

Wendell gets out of the driver’s seat to open your door and let you out. You don’t move, not wanting to go anywhere else with Quentin. Maybe if you’re still enough, you hope, you’ll cease to exist entirely.

Wendell leans into the car to keep Quentin from hearing him, “My heart breaks knowing you don’t belong here, Miss.” You look away to keep from crying, but he knows you’ve heard him. “I wish I could take you far away from here and still be safe from him but...” He’s trapped too.

Wendell swallows nervously and looks over the roof of the car for Quentin. “Mr. Beck is waiting for us. If you don’t go now, he’ll come and get you himself.”

Reluctantly, you take off your seatbelt and slide out of the vehicle. Wendell gets the door behind you and hangs back as you approach Quentin. You can’t blame him, really.

Once you get to the door, Quentin places his hand at the small of your back and pushes you closer to him. You feel hyperaware of his touch as he “guides” you into the building and down a corridor. You imagine his hand burning through your shirt and leaving a pink handprint on your skin, or maybe his finger tips being barbed with poisoning spines. It’s just a hand. But it’s his hand.

You pass by a large room, filled with people you don’t know. Many sit at computers, and you can see a dismantled drone on a table. A few people meet your eyes and then quickly avert them, almost like they know who you are despite them being strangers. You wonder if Quentin has talked about you to them.

After walking through two more corridors, Quentin stops at a room with a heavy looking metal door. He places his hand on an interface next to the threshold and the heavy metal door swings open into the room.

“Look familiar?” Quentin asks, pushing you inside. As the door slams shut behind you, you realize what he means. You’ve been here before. All this time, that “hotel suite” he took you to was right here all along. Another illusion.

He take his hand off your back and leaves you in the middle of the room to pull clothes out of a large duffle bag on the bed. They’re your clothes, at least mostly. A lot of it are your comfort clothes, sweats and tank tops and t-shirts. He also starts pulling out your underwear and bras, casually laying them out in organized stacks. He looks back at you and, noticing your expression, gives you an incredulous stare.

“What, did you think I was going to make you wear the same dirty clothes every day?” You don’t respond and just stare back. Quentin looks annoyed but continues, “I do have some sense of decency, believe it or not. And regardless of that, I would prefer to fuck you without being reminded of the last time I did.”

You grimace at the remark. You think about how you have little tender spots along your thighs from the clones gripping your legs so hard, and the soreness in your shoulder from Quentin twisting your arm behind your back. The sheer stupidity of his statement when you’re the one who bears the reminders makes you snort, and he picks up on it immediately. He abandons the clothes on the bed to walk over to you, only a few centimeters from touching with his body.

“Was something funny?” He asks, voice vaguely threatening. You instinctively avert your eyes to the floor as he waits for your response. “I’ll ask you again,” He grabs your chin and forces you to look at him, his grip firm. “What’s so funny about what I said?”

Your eyes are wide with fear as you struggle to muster the courage to speak. “Come on, sweetheart,” He says, tilting your face up further with his hand, “I know that pretty little mouth of yours works just fine.”

You blink rapidly, tears welling up as he continues to stare into your eyes. He really is nothing like the man you love. When you try to form an answer your voice stutters and all that comes out is a sharp little whimper, which makes you want to cry even more out of shame. Quentin smiles wickedly at you, enjoying your difficulty to speak.

“It’s not so funny now is it?” He asks. You shake your head no and a tear falls onto your cheek from the movement. Quentin swipes it away with his thumb on his free hand and leans in close to your face. “That’s what I thought.” He releases your chin and goes back to taking your clothes out of the bag. You still don’t move, but you do wipe your eyes once his back is to you.

After he empties the bag, he checks his wrist display and points towards the metal door.

“That door is reinforced steel. It weighs over three hundred pounds and is powered by hydraulics. If you try to mess with the interface, I’ll know. If you try to damage the door, or break the door, I’ll know. And not only will I know when you’ve tried to escape, I’ll be forced to punish you for it.”

You know that his use of the word “forced” is bullshit, and anything he inflicts on you is completely chosen for his own pleasure. You watch as he presses his hand to the interface on this side of the wall, and the door groans open yet again.

“I have to go work now, honey.” Quentin says, almost like he doesn’t want to leave. “Behave yourself like a good girl while I’m gone.” With that, he exits and the heavy door slams shut behind him. For this first time in over 28 hours, you are alone. After you’re sure he’s gone, and not listening on the other end, you let yourself cry for the first time since everything has started.

Tears begin to stream from your eyes as you walk past the bed and into the bathroom. The large mirror behind the sinks reveals your disheveled appearance, and the shock finally wears off as you realize just how awful everything is. You look pathetic. Your clothes are filthy and torn in various places, and your hair is a rat’s nest. You begin to sob, just a little, and as you cry you go over to the glass-door shower and start the faucets. The water is just a little too hot but you don’t care, and you begin to strip with your back to the mirror. You don’t want to see yourself anymore right now.

The dirty clothes go directly into the trash can in the corner, and you step into the shower and huddle under the too-hot water. It hurts, but it feels cleansing to hurt this way. There’s soaps in there but they smell like Quentin, and so you just let the water rinse you off. When you get as much of the grime off you as you can, you sink to the floor and hug your knees tightly. If you close your eyes, you can pretend this is your shower back in your apartment. You can pretend that you just had a bad day at work and you’re showering to forget about it. You rest your head against your knees, close your eyes, and you pretend. You’ve always been good at that.

An hour later the hot water runs out and you’re forced to get up and turn off the faucet. You’re not clean but you’re definitely not dirty anymore. After a search through the cabinets, you find the towels and grab one to dry off your body with, using a second one on your head. Once you’re dry enough you grab some of your clothes off the bed and get dressed in the toilet area that’s walled off from the rest of the bathroom.

Dressed and somewhat clean, you’re exhausted. You can’t bring yourself to sleep in the bed, or even touch the blankets. Quentin sleeps there, you know that much already. You used to sleep there too, before. There’s no way in hell you’re sleeping in that thing now when it’s the only place Quentin could sleep as well. There’s a large tub in the bathroom, and you decide that’s as good a place as any. Armed with a pillow you took from a sofa in the common area of the suite and a blanket from the linen closet in the bathroom, you climb into the bathtub and create a makeshift bed. It’s not very comfortable, but it feels safe. You remember hearing from a classmate years ago that people hide in bathtubs during tornadoes and earthquakes, and wether that’s true or not you find that to be good enough for you.

Sleep comes quickly despite your sleeping arrangement. You have an incredibly vivid dream, about walking through a meadow. You can almost feel the wind on your skin, and your eyes squint in the sunlight. Bees drone sweetly as they fly by you as if in greeting. There’s a little boy a few hundred meters in front of you, toting a bundle of flowers in his arms. You feel yourself call out to him, as if you know him well, but you can’t place him in your memories.

A soft touch stirs you, and you can feel your body being carried and then settled again. You’re warm and comfortable, a weight being pulled over you.

“It’s alright, sweetheart.” A voice says. “Go back to sleep for me.” Okay, you think.

You return to the meadow, the little boy close but far, and the softness of the long grass tickling your fingers.

#cat and mouse

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crimziedrawings · 4 years

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Prompt 1, “It’s midnight, where the hell were you?” - Thomastairs

~~~

Alastair paced around the room, shaking his hands to ease the tension building up. Ever since he woke up to a bed missing his love, he had been worried and frantic. He knows they had gone to bed together. He definitely remembers what had happened. Alastair felt his cheeks heat as he recalled the memories of their night.

He was brought back to the moment as he heard the flat’s front door slam and a loud crash. Alastair stormed outside the bedroom only to find a figure hunched over a broken vase. Sensing his presence, the figure stood up. He turned to Alastair, shocked, and awkwardly gestured to the damaged vase. “I-”

“What the hell, Thomas?” Alastair cut him off.

Thomas was flushed, his nose and ears red, but Alastair sensed that it was from the effects of the alcohol reeking from him. “I’m sorry,”

“I can’t believe this. I wake up to find you gone and I’m worrying my ass off thinking you left me, that perhaps you thought earlier was a mistake. And then here you are- stumbling in drunk!” Alastair was fuming. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

Thomas swayed, obviously having trouble keeping his stance. After a few moments of silence, he said, “You’re angry. Is this about the vase?”

“No, this isn’t about the bloody vase! I don’t care about that!”

“Oh, good,” Thomas sighed in relief.

“Thomas,” Alastair inhaled slowly, giving his temper a chance to cool down. “It’s midnight, where the hell were you?”

“I was… out,” Thomas offered.

Alastair let out a sort of breathless chuckle. “Out? Drinking?”

As an answer, Thomas shrugged, as if it were that simple.

By now, Alastair’s anger calmed down and was replaced with worry yet again, but this time he had a different fear. He remembered a moment at the ball welcoming his family to London, a moment where he overheard Thomas’s nervous voice, ranting about something Alastair did not know of, and a soft voice saying “It’s alright, Tommy, just breathe slowly. In, out, good. It’ll be okay.” He did not recognize the voice and did not see who it belonged to, but whoever it was must’ve been someone close to him. He remembered the stranger’s tone and thought he would give it a chance. He stepped forward slowly, hoping to bring Thomas’s gaze towards him. “Thomas?” When he received no answer, he tried again. “Tommy?”

“Don’t call me that,” Thomas hissed. He looked hard at Alastair, his face screwed up with rage. “Don’t you ever call me that,”

Alastair stepped back, shock rippling through his body. He stared at Thomas, watching as he struggled to keep his temper in check, his chest rising and falling as he huffed. “Thomas?”

Thomas turned his head away, but not before Alastair saw the tears. “Please, don’t call me that. That’s what she called me. It is only for her to use.”

“Thomas, my love, what are you talking about?”

Thomas picked at the bracelet circling his wrist. He recognized that bracelet. It was given to him by- oh. Alastair’s heart broke as he realized who Thomas was talking about. His sister, Barbara. His sister who is now dead. He did not know what to say.

“Today’s the anniversary,” Thomas sniffled. “It’s been a year now. It doesn’t feel right, it’s not fair-“ He broke off, bursting out into tears.

Alastair hurried to Thomas, wrapping his arms best he could around his hulking size. Alastair hated seeing Thomas like this. If it were Cordelia, he knew he would lose his mind and stay lost. It killed him that Thomas was feeling this pain and there was nothing he could do to ease it. But he knew he could help him through the grief. He led Thomas to the couch, letting him curl up into his arms, ignoring the difficulty of the position. They stayed like that for what felt like forever, Thomas crying his heart out for his sister.

When he seemingly calmed down, the tears not coming full force anymore, he whispered, “I miss her...”

Alastair stroked Thomas’s hair, gently massaging his scalp. “I know,”

“Today brought back so many memories of her, I couldn’t handle it, how much I missed her. That’s why I left,” Thomas trembled. “That’s why I went to the Tavern.”

“I understand. Doesn’t mean I approve, but I get why,” Alastair said.

“I should go see my parents today…”

“Do you want me to come?”

“No, no. Thank you, but this is going to be hard enough for them, mourning their daughter with a stranger around isn’t going to help,”

Alastair tilted his head. “A stranger?”

“You know what I mean,” Thomas sighed.

Alastair did know what he meant, but the thought of the distance between him and Thomas’s family hurt.

“What about your other sister?” Alastair questioned.

“Eugenia? I don’t know if she wants to see me,”

“Of course she’ll want to see you, you’re her brother,”

Thomas shook his head lightly. “Barbara’s death changed her,”

Alastair had not had a moment with Eugenia, only brief greetings before she had stood straighter and walked away. He did not know her before Barbara’s death, so he did not know whether she was different or not. “She’s grieving too,”

Thomas did not answer, only stroked his thumb against Alastair’s hand in his.

“I am happy you’re home safe,” Alastair whispered, kissing the top of Thomas’s head.

“You really thought I left you? That I regretted what we did?”

Alastair nodded, shame flowing through him. “I was once in a relationship where I was forced to hide. We could not be together long, so our moments were short. I had feared that that it was happening again. With you,” he clarified.

Thomas looked up, reaching to brush Alastair’s hair out of his eyes. “I am not ashamed of you.”

Alastair was hit with a strong feeling he did not recognize, and reached forward to touch Thomas’s lips with his.

Thomas pulled away, his eyes still closed, as he whispered against Alastair’s lips, “I am truly sorry about the vase,”

Alastair laughed, “You’ll make it up to me,”

~~~

Prompt list

What ship should I do next? I am accepting idea from TSC, TOG, and ACOTAR series.

#prompts #fanfic prompt #thomas lightwood #alastair carstairs #thomastairs #thomas x alastair #the last hours #chain of gold #chain of iron #barbara lightwood #eugenia lightwood #cordelia carstairs #sophie lightwood #sophie collins #gideon lightwood #the shadowhunter chronicles

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andough · 4 years

Text

When my dear friend Natalie passed away a few years ago, my world was rocked in a way that I had not anticipated. I had woken up at 3AM and groggily looked at my phone to browse social media; I had to open at my job then at 4AM, and I used to wake myself up by binging on social media for a few minutes while I woke my mind up. That was the last day that I did that because I saw post after post on her timeline, tagging her, or photos of her - all inscribed with the words, “rest in peace”, “rest in paradise”, “rest easy”, “I will miss you”.

“I will miss you”. I was too sleepy to really feel anything that early. I was still waking up. I don’t know what I felt in that moment, but it wasn’t anything deep. It was just shock. On my drive to work, the shock slowly faded into understanding what I had read. As I opened the store and worked, the understanding turned into the realization. And that realization turned into grief. I took my break at work and I sat at the desk at work, reopened Facebook to see the posts, and realized it: she’s gone.

One of the longest shifts ever (even though it was only 4 hours) and an awkward encounter where my coworker came into the back to see my crying later, I went home and let myself fully grieve this loss. One of the most vibrant souls I have ever encountered lost her battle to cancer. She had set up a blog when she found out so she could log her journey through chemotherapy. I felt naïve; her posts were so uplifting and optimistic that I had no doubt in my mind that she would overcome it. Yet, here I was, grieving this loss. My heart ached. I started to recall every memory that I could, almost like picking them up one by one from a pile before a gust of wind would blow them away. I remember how she would call me at 6AM to wake me up to go to my previous job that I hated so much. I remember talking on a walky-talky app (I forgot what it was called, I think it was Zello) and talking to each other throughout the day. I remember how she would laugh at the silly things she did - things I similarly did but felt a lot of shame and embarrassment - and appreciative of how she could just love herself enough to laugh.

That was all gone. I felt so much guilt. Why didn’t I keep in closer contact with her? Why didn’t I tell her how much I appreciated her? Why didn’t I do something to help her through her battle? It was every “why” under the sun going through my mind. Was I feeling guilt only because she passed away? Would I have felt guilt for missing so many opportunities to connect with her if she survived it? Ultimately, I reached a conclusion that it wasn’t my fault for not knowing how it would tragically end, but also realizing I do the things I should be doing when they’re too late. We never had a falling out, but we both started living busy lives. Why was it so hard to take time out of my day to just send her a text? To say hi, to ask how she’s been, to ask if she’d like to just talk on the phone for a bit?

These emotions are still raw. I still feel them very fucking vividly. I still think about her almost daily.

I think about her even more now, because on Monday, October 12, 2020, I received a text from my mom regarding my cousin, Fariba, in Iran who was fighting cancer. She had been fighting it for 3 years but it kept coming back. This last time that it came back, chemotherapy wasn’t working. 2 months ago, she was given 3 weeks to live because the cancer progressed and she was in pain. Last week, she was admitted into the hospital for internal bleeding.

The text: “She’s in heaven now”.

I felt it all again. Every. Fucking. Emotion. Every single thought, every emotion that I could discern, was the same when Natalie died. I questioned why I didn’t keep closer contact. I questioned why I didn’t visit Iran more often; sure, there’s political reasons that made me feel unsafe as a gay Iranian man to do so, but the familial obligation should have been greater. Why didn’t I talk to her more?

On top of the guilt, I felt a moral and familial obligation to comfort my grieving family. I didn’t grow up close with her because we lived in different countries, but they all did. My aunt cried. She screamed. She sobbed. Through her wails, I remember her saying, “nothing brings my relief. I just want Fariba” - and my heart sinks and breaks every time I think about it.

Why do I wait until it’s too late? And why do I feel guilt for asking to talk about this? Why do I bottle this up? Is it because I feel like I deserve to feel shitty for not doing things to show my appreciation when these wondrous people are alive? Is it because I don’t want to share these feelings or thoughts because I don’t want anyone to feel even a fraction of how awful this feels? Or, am I just being selfish and this is my coping mechanism - to withdraw and isolate?

I’ve lost two people to cancer. And the losses feel so deeply profound. I started adapting the same outlook in live as Natalie: there is always something to live for and look forward to. How will I honor my cousin, Fariba? Can I honor her? Who else can I lose to cancer? I think about this every time I talk to someone, look at someone, or think of someone I have a connection with - could they be diagnosed with it? Will I lose them, too? Will...I be diagnosed with it?

I am afraid. I’m afraid of who I could lose. I’m afraid I will never get over the loss of Natalie or Fariba. I’m afraid I’m losing myself in the grief.

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