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Saezuru Tori Wa Habatakanai Chapters 1-42 Self Understanding and Analysis

I made a tumblr account to write my thoughts about this anime which has a strong grip to my soul. I need to write it down somehow to let it go. And this is Saezuru Tori Wa Habatakanai (Twittering Birds Never Fly) by Yoneda Kou. It's a BL manga. I am into watching anime ever since I was little, but no manga has captured my being except Saezuru. I happen to watch a clip of it on the internet and I fell in love with the way of its animation style and of course how handsome the characters are. So I searched for it and read the plot and I thought it's very interesting. I am not into BL manga but Saezuru is way beyond that. The storylines, the characters, plots and the psychology behind them. There are always a story behind every person. A reason why they are like that and how. Saezuru tackles the very sensitive matters in society that we overlooked and never acknowledged. May be because of shame, guilt or whatever. It shows on how the environment shape of who and what a person can become.

Yashiro's character is so relatable. He's very intense and complex. He's very unpredictable and you never know what he's truly thinking and saying. He never likes commitments or attachments because of his trauma not because of his fear. To lose himself completely just like when he lost his innocence as a boy abused by his stepfather. And if he ever loses himself, he thought he won't be able to get back up anymore. Yashiro says in the chapter where he's talking with Hirata making him confess that he doesn't like to die but he's not keen on living either. He wants to live but not the worn out life he has now. He just met the wrong people at the worst times of his life. That's the difference.

I happen to went to a bookstore and read a page in a book that perfectly describes how Yashiro thinks and acts. It's on page 116 from Alice Smith's book, "Beyond The Lie". I bought the book and currently reading it.

What's written in this page shows how Yashiro thinks and acts.

Yashiro accepted his present fate. He accepted that, the way he becomes was never anyone's fault but it's just his life. He is just a fleeting soul directionless. And while he's at his messed up life, Misumi happened to find him and brought him to the world of Yakuza. At that time Misumi, was at the verge of grief from his loss of Kurobane in whom he holds dear and he was finding a woman. He happens to find Yashiro at that grieving moment of his life and established a connection. Somehow Yashiro reminds Misumi of the woman he's looking for and seemed to have focused his grief holding on to Yashiro as a replacement to Kurobane. May be somehow he finds Yashiro comforting to his grief. You know how people redirect their emotions to things or people? That's how these characters are holding on to things and people they find comfort at and never let them go. He became interested in him because Misumi has a fetish on Yashiro's feet. He happened to like it. You can find this in chapters 1-5. I encourage you to reread the manga to understand how Yashiro ended up in Yakuza and why he stayed.

He brought Yashiro to his Yakuza world and is pretty much very obsessed with him. Misumi never wanted to let Yashiro go nor let anyone hold him dear. Yashiro is his prisoner and Yashiro knows that. He hated being a Yakuza and in their world. He hated everything about it but he felt like he has no choice but to be in that Yakuza world. Misumi tricked him of being indebted to him and Misumi and his men treated him badly, physically abused. Yashiro stayed because somehow he found the reason why and that is to protect Kageyama. Yashiro found out that what Misumi was acquiring is a land owned by Kageyama and his mother. Misumi even wanted to hurt Kageyama just to get the land. Misumi is so persistent about it and Yashiro, despite being the way he is, he begged Misumi to let the land go. Misumi became intrigued of Yashiro's actions so he ran a background check. Yashiro suddenly has determination so he made some money to pay back Misumi. But it wasn't enough so Misumi manipulated Yashiro to formally join the Yakuza and says that he can only earn the money and can do what he wants, the power and control if he joins Yakuza. Misumi made a deal to Yashiro in exchange of his friend's safety. That's the time Yashiro used Misumi to get ahead.

Yashiro never had any dreams because his dreams has been crushed when his step father robbed him of his innocence. So ever since that traumatic event he just floated away and be surround by the wrong people. He lived in an illusion that he loves doing it and he is a masochistic person when in fact it is just a mask.

Yashiro treasures Kageyama because he is his first ever close friend who he spends his time to a crucial time where no one cared for him. A special close friend. Kageyama felt pitiful to Yashiro and that's just it. Or may be there's a backstory. Even though Kageyama is always with Yashiro, Yashiro seemed like he's still alone. It's because Kageyama never really tried hard to help Yashiro's being. He's just physically there and doing his own thing, planning his life. That's why Kageyama was surprised that Doumeki and Kuga seemed to know Yashiro's personality more than him when he knows him for 20 years. He was also surprised when Doumeki asked him why he did not stop Yashiro from joining the Yakuza. As a friend, he has a moral obligation to do so. To guide Yashiro in his life since he knows what Yashiro has been going through. And Yashiro was just waiting for him. Kageyama did tried to stop Yashiro but Yashiro had no choice at that time. Misumi knows he's hung up to Kageyama and how important he is to him so I think Yashiro is considering that since Misumi is one scary person.

I think Yashiro never really got over Kageyama while spending time with Doumeki. He even said that Doumeki kinda looked like Kageyama when he's in highschool and that bathroom scene in chapter 24. Come to think of it, Kageyama's personality in highschool kinda resembles Doumeki. They're both poker faces and never really cared about their surroundings. They are also both kinda slow picking up things but Kageyama's numbness to Yashiro's feelings are way over the top. So that made me realized that Yashiro is still hung up on Kageyama and that's what Yashiro needs to overcome when he wants to be with Doumeki.

And here Doumeki comes along to Yashiro's life. I think Doumeki is one pure soul as Yashiro said. Doumeki picks up things so late and very clueless. He never realizes something until someone told him about it. Chapters 23, 24, 25 which are my favorite chapters of the manga portrayed such an honest, raw and vulnerable Yashiro. The bathroom scene.

In the previous chapter, when Yashiro was laying on Doumeki's lap, Doumeki is telling him of his story about that pedophile school nurse who took his innocence. And his experience in prison when his cellmate keeps on abusing him.

Because we all know how slow witted Doumeki is. And may be this is one of the reasons why he is not interested in doing it or to women and may be he is also scared to be like his father.

I am also curious to whatever happened to Doumeki in prison. May be just a bit of a backstory. After all, Yashiro never get to know Doumeki that well before they parted ways.

Doumeki said that he's never really great at showing emotions and that the only time he can show it is through kendou practice.

Doumeki is very mysterious. I think he has a lot of secrets. He has some darkness. Noticed how he is always self-restraining? Self-restrained people usually are dangerous because you never know how they will embrace their darkness and when will they lash out. He has some aggression problem too because people with pent up emotions usually are aggressive when triggered. Even Sugimoto noticed that he's somewhat dangerous described in the chapter where they first met Inami, the crooked cop whom Doumeki hates.

I think Doumeki is aware of how dangerous he might be so he's always aware to restrain himself. In the recent chapters when Doumeki asked Kamiya why he volunteered to do the job despite knowing he slacks off, Kamiya said to get some points and was going along with Doumeki if he ever gets promoted but Doumeki said that it's better if he did not expect him to get promoted. So this rings a bell.

I am also curious on why he tried so hard to cut his ties with his family. I mean, he's the real biological son of his mother. Why did he leave them behind?

In the next chapters around 23, 24 & 25 Yashiro was in panic.

Yashiro woke up in Doumeki's house with the set up just like his own house where his stepfather abused him. And everything came back to his memory, the memory he wanted to forget. According to a book about traumas, people who experience these traumas wanted to forget. Because Yashiro was in a house similar to the set up of the house he's been abused by his stepfather. He thought he's forgotten about it but his nightmare came back and he lost himself completely. I think that's why Yashiro left Doumeki and went to die in Hirata's hands.

Doumeki says his confession to him but he never took it seriously and forgot what he just said. Yashiro was in panic and went to the bathroom. His trauma came back and he is afraid. He knows that it's not the same but it is his trauma causing him all that. He forgot to take off his arm cast or his clothes and he was in shock and just sat on the bathroom floor with the shower on, contemplating. Doumeki, then followed him to remove his arm cast when he saw Yashiro looking so down sitting on the floor and asks if he's okay.

Yashiro realizes how confused he is of Doumeki. On how he can handle him. Yashiro has always been so sure of what he's doing, and strong but to Doumeki he became vulnerable and reminded him of his vulnerability when his step father abused him as a child. Yashiro keeps saying he doesn't want to do it with Doumeki and even said he wanted to puke. But Doumeki lost his control and still did it. It reminded him of his past abused so he cried just like when he was a child. And that's why he doesn't like to be pinned down. He knows Doumeki is different but he reminded him of his nightmare.

He asked Yashiro why he cried and Yashiro told him a lie that it is because it's good.

It was when they were taken to the hospital that Doumeki realized that what he did to Yashiro was wrong. It was when Nanahara said to Doumeki that Yashiro can't remember him and that he's obviously lying. Nanahara said to Doumeki that he heard Yashiro was into it since he was a child and that may be Yashiro does not really want to do it. That's the time Doumeki realized that he failed to understand Yashiro's trauma. He felt so guilty that he looked defeated and decided to part ways with Yashiro. He remembered the guilt he felt towards his sister. And blamed himself for letting it happen yet again to Yashiro.

I think it's timely that Yashiro and Doumeki parted ways for the time being to find themselves. To give time for themselves to heal partially because of those moments. To be sure of their feelings.

For Yashiro who is still hung up on Kageyama and reminded Doumeki of him. For Doumeki to be sure of himself whether it's an indebted feeling, desire or love. They both need time to sort things out.

First of all, Yashiro became interested in Doumeki because he reminded him of Kageyama. Yashiro also has a fetish for beautiful eyes. When he visited Kageyama at his father's funeral, that's the time Yashiro finally realizes his feelings towards Kageyama when he saw him cry. Doumeki became interested in Yashiro because he thought he's beautiful and wasn't sure of what makes him drawn to him. And somehow he wanted to be by Yashiro's side because of what Yashiro did to his sister. Remember, the chapter where Doumeki's sister keeps on loitering at their office and Yashiro made Doumeki mad? And Kageyama asked Doumeki if he's indebted to Yashiro since he thinks highly of him.

Hurt people, hurt people. That's why Yashiro likes to sully the beautiful, to destroy and hurt the ones close to him. He thinks he is unworthy and his worn out life and self is not worthy of any pureness of anything may it be love, affection or comfort. He never thought that despite being the way of who and what he is, someone like Doumeki would come along and made him feel he is also worthy of these beautiful things and feelings in this life. At that moment, he acknowledged that what his step father did to him was wrong. That, what he had been living his life was wrong. In the past he just accepted everything passively and just live a life he has now disregarding everything he truly needs for himself. His self-worth and self-respect. Acceptance is different from acknowledgement.

In the recent chapters, Yashiro seemed to have lost his memory of Doumeki. I think he did lose his memory of him and that it's not a lie because in the recent chapters he often has dreams of Doumeki but he just can't remember his face. May be he is traumatized. Yet again. And gradually remembers bits and pieces until he finally remembers everything when he saw Doumeki's face. So may be it's trauma.

I am also sad that Yashiro might be losing his eyesight. May be it's just temporary because of trauma and may be in the end Doumeki will bring the light back to Yashiro.

Doumeki has been consistent with his intentions to Yashiro. I think he became a Yakuza to become stronger and protect Yashiro. You can find Doumeki's thoughts in a chapter where he brought Yashiro to his apartment. He said he wanted to be stronger to protect him. In reference to this, remember how Yashiro became a Yakuza to protect Kageyama? Here now, did Doumeki become a Yakuza to protect Yashiro? This confused me because remember in the backstory, when Doumeki is threatening Chestnut where Yashiro is and Chestnut asked him if he wants to find Yashiro for vengeance and Doumeki said that's the plan but he would not do it now? So, this is kinda trembling if he really does this in which I think he won't because he's still hung up on Yashiro and the way they parted ways at the hospital, the conversation with Nanahara when Doumeki realized the reason why Yashiro cried.

If you see Doumeki at the recent chapters he has a lot of visible scars on his face and may be on his leg and chest because of the gun shots. Come to think of it, he took a lot of wounds in just 3 to 4 months being on probation. What I am curious about is whether Doumeki has a tattoo on his back. I think there will be many backstories to tell. I am also curious of how Doumeki saved Tsunakawa's daughter, Niki. Why would Niki be reminded of Doumeki of her dog Riki? Why Niki can't remember anything of her abduction? What is Tsunakawa's intentions? What is Amou's intentions? Amou is one shady guy. We never know about him really. He seems to be betraying Misumi. Amou is also seeking recognition and love from Misumi. I think he truly thinks of Misumi as his own father. So I don't know what he'll do when it comes to Yashiro and why did he bring Doumeki to Tsunakawa? Was there a deal? Come to think of it both Amou and Doumeki have expressionless faces.

I am also curious to Kageyama's gesture to Doumeki in the chapter where they went to his clinic when Nanahara was abducted. Kageyama touched Doumeki's scar and asked if he's needs treatment and Doumeki said he's fine. Yashiro noticed that. May be because of Kageyama's fetish? But after that, I think Yashiro get jealous so he made a move on Doumeki in the car. Kageyama also said to Doumeki when they first met up and was drinking together with Kuga that he also find him interesting but not in a way Kuga does. What's behind this statement? Yashiro got jealous that he crashed their get together. After that, Yashiro took Doumeki to the cinema to do that. I think Yashiro focus his frustration, depression and his ill feelings towards that sort of thing. Just like others. We tend to shift our feelings towards some things or people for comfort, stress relief or something. Like when we get mad or something bad happened at work, and we can't express it towards that person we're mad about, we find something or people to let go of those pent up emotions. It's a bad action.

Also, I am curious to what Kuga said to Kageyama about competing. It seemed like he is competing with Yashiro in Kageyama's heart. So does Kageyama has feelings for Yashiro all along? After all, love can have different interpretations from each person.

On the other hand, Doumeki's partner Kamiya somehow reminded him of Yashiro so he treats Kamiya just like Yashiro. When he gave Kamiya a sweet bun because Yashiro likes sweets. They also both have the same hair and face. And kamiya is also older than Doumeki.

And it seems Tsunakawa and Kamiya is very interested in Doumeki and Yashiro. I think Taunakawa felt pride that he somehow owns Doumeki because he took him in and Misumi is like that too to Yashiro. I hope Tsunakawa is a cool boss to Doumeki, I have that feeling. I applaud how loyal Nanahara is to Yashiro. He's a genuine friend and not just an underling. I love Nanahara and Sugimoto. Ryuuzaki is a sweet guy despite his looks. He has an unrequited attraction to Yashiro and that feeling always reminds him whenever Yashiro wears something like a T-shirt. He protected Yashiro.

I never hated Hirata but his insecurities led him to be that cruel. Despite knowing that Kurobane and his niece are the only ones together as a family, Hirata killed Kurobane. Why did he kill him? Jealousy? I don't hate any character because they all have a story to tell. In Hirata's case, he is so mad at Yashiro because Yashiro accepts himself of who and what he is. Hirata seemed to be ashamed and in denial of who and what he is. Yashiro made him realized that during the scene at the airport where the cleaners abducted Hirata in chapter 34.

Yashiro made him confessed. I think Hirata loves Misumi and Kurobane took Misumi away from him and there comes Yashiro who replaced Kurobane instead of him. It seems that Misumi and Kurobane's fate is repeating itself thru Yashiro and Doumeki. Doumeki is like Kurobane. They both have un-Yakuza like traits and personalities but aggressive when triggered. They also both cut their pinky finger when they failed to protect their boss. The left pinky finger. If history repeats itself who's gonna kill Doumeki? Who's gonna kill Yashiro? As portrayed in chapter 34, they are both just, gentle and noble as the english translation described Kurobane. I just hope that even though Misumi has an obsession of Yashiro he would let them be and be happy together. I think there will be fights as Tsunakawa has enemies. Remember the former general manager who parted ways with them with some underlings? There is something more. In fact, so much more with this kind of storylines we'll take 20 years. Hahaha.. It's just this manga is so incredible. I've never encountered something like this before. Yashiro's character kind of reminded me of Damon Salvatore from The Vampire Diaries. (just my personal opinion) They both never wanted people to see how kind and caring they are and only let people believe what they showed them to believe, but the people who genuinely cared for them can truly see through their masks.

I just want Yashiro and Doumeki live a peaceful and happy life. They deserved it. I have mad respect and honor to Yoneda Kou. This is such an amazing story in which I can't find the words to truly describe how beautiful this manga is. I keep rereading the manga and rewatching the movie thinking about the little details I might have missed. Actually, I edited this post for over 20 times already. I'm so absorbed to it like it felt like it's so real and they exist in this world.

This manga also made me realize towards my view on this gender. Before, it made me wonder why a man can be attracted to a man? This manga made me realize that this attraction is possible despite the gender. You can not describe it but you just wanted to be with that person and protect him/her. Regardless of relationship or gender, you just do these things selflessly. And this perfectly describes Doumeki and Ryuuzaki.

These are just my analysis. I love stories like this pertaining to psychology and stuff. I'm a new fan and I can't wait for the next chapters. It's so agonizing to wait but I will wait because we can't just rush this. Even if I have to wait for years, I will as long as the story goes as well the way Yoneda Kou wants. I just hope it's a happy ending. A lot of fans would want them. What a beautiful manga. I've been reading the fans comments and analysis on this and wow I'm so amazed of how they think. Really amazing!!!

And my favorite scenes are the bathroom scenes, when Yashiro kissed a sleeping Doumeki, touching his face and everytime he is laying on Doumeki's lap and just having conversations. That's love.

And I happen to dig some songs on my playlist which I think perfectly describes this manga.

1. Jewel - Foolish Games

2. Sara Bareilles - She Used To Be Mine

3. Coldplay - Fly On

4. Ellie Goulding - Love Me Like You Do

5. Coldplay - Gravity

6. LP - Lost On You

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #saezuru fandom #twittering birds never fly #yoneda kou #Doumeki #Yashiro #Yakuza #Anime #Manga