#no idea how in character some of these are but good lord are they funny | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

emo-batboy · 10 months

Text

Battinson on SNL

Idk how popular Saturday Night Live is outside of the US so there will be some links for context. That said, as a New Jersey native, I think Battinson would totally watch the show. And since he's a celebrity...👀

To promote WE’s newest charity fund, Alfred signs Bruce up to be a guest host on SNL (à la this post) The announcement is made, and everyone’s like “oh this is going to be a disaster. That man can’t even hold eye contact or speak a full sentence without crying.”

But oh, that’s why it’s so funny.

Now, hear me out. Bruce’s strengths are displayed best when he’s himself. That’s why he’s so popular in Gotham. That’s why the internet calls him Relatable TM and a Disaster (Affectionate) and “Poor Little Meow Meow.” It’s his ✨ essence ✨

But he tends to get overwhelmed or self-conscious onstage, right? Because he can’t be Himself himself if he has time to overthink something. So after a few meetings with Bruce, the writers of SNL figure out the perfect way to keep Bruce from getting anxious.

They decide to load this episode with as many skits where Bruce plays different caricature-like versions of himself as possible. The objective? Make him break character and laugh so he doesn’t overthink. And if he breaks character, he’ll still technically be in character because he’s playing himself, you know? Genius.

So that’s how they go about structuring the show. During the few days they have to write, they decide to take everything about Bruce’s public image and either ramp it up to 11 or turn it on its head.

He speaks quietly? Turn it into a running gag. He dresses in all black? Make him emo. He tips well? Add that in too. He’s “depressed” and “sad?” Literally, all he does on screen is laugh and break character. What’s not to love?

Of course, Bruce also gets to decide what skits are in each episode as well. (Refer to this if you have no idea how SNL works.) He loves the idea, though, and he has a surprisingly dark sense of humor which bleeds into some of the sketches. They add in a few skits without him, and they’ve got their lineup.

It’s the wildest episode of the season. Here are the highlights:

OPENING MONOLOGUE

It’s the big night, everyone’s excited to see Bruce Wayne hosting a live sketch comedy show with no idea how it will turn out.

To begin his monologue, Bruce walks on, opens his mouth to start talking, and immediately two cast members appear as stagehands to set up six microphones in front of him. He is already struggling to keep himself together.

Bruce: “You may be wondering why I’m host- Cast Member: *adds one more tiny microphone to his chest* Bruce: “You may be wondering why I’m hosting tonight.”

It’s working. The audience loves it.

Halfway through, Kate McKinnon comes out in a dark cloak with a chalice. “Your sustenance, my lord.” *sees camera* “Oh. Sorry. Carry on.” And she shambles off. Bruce has to take a second before continuing.

Bruce knows when (most of) the jokes come. It’s literally on the cue cards, but he still falls into a fit of giggles.

There are a few more gags, including Lex Luthor peeking out from behind the band set-up, all teasing the show to come.

Overall, an amazing way to set the tone for the episode. Expectations have been set. Then the skits begin!

(Oh but before I forget: During every single live skit with Bruce, the writers have scheduled for one of the cast members to run in dressed as a stagehand and put an extra mic on him. They do not tell him when it will happen.)

SKIT #1

Between the monologue and the first skit, he has to do a really fast quick change, but to everyone’s surprise, Bruce is a natural. (Huh, wonder why.)

The skit is called Gotham PTA Meeting. We open in a meeting room full of stereotypical PTA moms setting down baked goods and gossiping. And apparently, there is a new PTA member attending today 👀

Right as the meeting starts, he enters. Bruce walks in wearing the most emo get-up imaginable. He’s got a Nirvana shirt, a comical amount of eyeliner, black skinny jeans, chain accessories, metal rings, AND a clip-in extension to give him fringe.

Someone immediately runs in and puts another mic on him.

PTA Mom: “Oh, Bruce! You made it! Did you bring a snack?” Bruce: “I brought lemon bars.” PTA Mom: “Why are they black?” Bruce: “They match my soul…they’re also vegan.”

He talks like a moody teenager. HE CONSTANTLY has to brush the fringe off to the side to read the cue cards. And because there’s so much eyeliner and he’s sweating a bit from the lights, it starts running everywhere.

PTA Mom: “Bruce, you’re a little quiet. What are your thoughts on increasing the school lunch budget?” Bruce: *eyeliner dripping down his chin* “I think it’s a great idea.”

SKIT #2

For a pre-filmed skit, they bring back the Chad character with Pete Davidson.

It’s 2 am, and Chad is working at a 24hr drug store in Gotham. He’s reading Twilight (the book is upside down) when the lights begin to flicker.

He turns around and tries the light switch, turns back around, and JUMPSCARE it’s Bruce dressed as Edward from Twilight.

Yes, he IS sparkly.

Bruce is awkwardly holding a bunch of items, all concerning. He plops down a few knives, several raw meats, Sudafed. Chad: “Oh hey.” Bruce: O_O “I’d like to check out please.” Chad: “Lit.”

Chad’s “No Fucks Given” energy and Bruce’s “Please Do Not Perceive Me” energy clash like titans. The whole skit centers around it.

Bruce: *sweating bullets* “Oh. You’re reading Twilight?” Chad: “Just the title.” Bruce: *throws the book through the window at lightning speed* “It’s not very good. You should probably read something else.” Chad: *shrugs* “Okay.”

Chad: “ID?” Bruce: “ID? For what?” Chad: “Sudafed.” Bruce: “Oh. I don’t really need that, actually.” Chad: “Already scanned it.” Bruce: “Haha. Of course.” *awkwardly produces a scroll from his pocket that says Bruce Wayne DOB: 1901* Chad: “Okay.”

Bruce checks out, Chad picks up a porno mag or something, and we see Bruce turn into a bat and fly off through the window behind him.

SKIT #3

The next skit they have is Celebrity Family Feud: Billionaires Edition. Again, Bruce plays himself, but he’s more of a background character. Instead, the skit makes fun of billionaires as a whole.

Bruce’s team consists of Kylie Jenner, Lex Luthor, and Oliver Queen. So just imagine three Lucille Bluths standing beside one another.

Bruce’s bit? He just keeps handing cash to Steve Harvey every time he breathes in his direction.

Host: "We got the richest man in the world: Bruce Wayne!" Bruce: *hands him a roll of cash* Host: "Oh, what’s this for?" Bruce: "It’s your tip. I always tip." Host: "Oh, Mr. Wayne, you don’t usually tip the show host. I’m also a millionaire myself." Lex Luthor: *snatches it* "Well, if you’re not going to use it, I will…for charity, of course." Host: "Uh huh, whatever helps you sleep at night."

Just a ton of fun quips, the usual.

At some point, Harvey says, “That’s batty.” Bruce: *ducks* “Where?!” Host: “Oh, I don’t mean Batman. He’s not here.” Bruce: “You don’t know that.”

This time, the mic bit is a bit different.

Host: “We asked 100 billionaires: How much does a loaf of bread cost? Top three answers are on the board.” Bruce: *hits buzzer* Host: Bruce, your answer is? Cast Member: *runs in with a megaphone and holds it in front of Bruce* Bruce: “TEN DOLLARS?”

Board dings! That was the #1 answer

Brucie Wayne for the win

SKIT #4

Next is a skit that dares to ask Gotham, “Why would anyone live here?”

The skit begins with someone opening a press conference for Wayne Enterprises. “And now presenting: Bruce Wayne!” Bruce walks in…

But it’s not him. Instead, it’s one of the cast members dressed in a black suit with horribly gelled brown hair.

Everyone in the audience is wondering where the actual Bruce is before another cast member runs onstage crying, “Help! Help! I’ve just been robbed! Somebody call Batman!”

A mini version of the bat-signal lights up…

We hear some generic hero music play…

And there he is: Bruce Wayne dressed in a horribly cheap Batman costume

(They got the cowl ALL wrong btw)

Bruce puts his hands on his hips in a weird superhero pose. Bruce: “I’m Batm-” Cast Member: *runs out to attach another mic to his costume* Bruce: “….I’m Batman!”

Cue all of the gags and digs against Batman. The fake Bruce faints then starts crying under a table. Someone calls Batman a furry. Bruce is barely keeping it together the whole time. Lord help him, but he asked for it. He approved the skit.

Bruce: “Looks like a job for my bat taser!” Cast Member: “Isn’t that just a taser with a bat on it?” Bruce: *whispers* “You shut your mouth.”

He saves the day, the police take the thief into custody, then Batman myStErioUsly disappears. Bruce: “Look over there!” *runs off* Cast Member: “Oh my gooood, how did he do that?”

CLOSING SEGMENT

Finally, they have the Weekend Update where Bruce comes on as himself for the final time.

Since they got his permission, the writers switch out some of Bruce’s jokes last minute. (Think Bill Hader’s Stefon which notoriously caused him to break character because the writers would mess with his cue cards.)

News Anchor: “Here to promote his newest humanitarian project: Bruce Wayne!” “Mr. Wayne, what a pleasure to see you today.” Bruce: “Thank you. This is probably the longest I’ve been out of the house.” News Anchor: “Since the Riddler catastrophe?” Bruce: “Since ever.”

News Anchor: “So Mr. Wayne! Before you make your announcement, any life updates?” Bruce: “Yes, actually. Just a few days ago, I adopted five- *starts losing it* five more children.” News Anchor: “Wow, really? So you have eight kids now.” Bruce: “Uh huh. *tears streaming down his face* One more orphan and I get the tenth one free.”

News Anchor: “So where can people find you online?” Bruce: “Well, I don’t have social media because I’m afraid of people, but sometimes I’m on Twitter.” News Anchor: “What about a phone call?” Bruce: “Oh no, phone calls- *giggle* phone calls give me fainting spells.”

It’s a great way of finishing the show, with the most genuine version of Bruce. Then, he gets to what’s really important!

News Anchor: “So if they can’t reach you on social media or on the phone, what else can our viewers do, Mr. Wayne?” Bruce: “They can donate to the Wayne Foundation’s newest charity called The Arts Initiative. It funds programs for the arts in underdeveloped school districts nationwide. I’ve already donated $30 million, and I’ve pledged to match every dollar donated within the next week.”

And that’s what he’s here for :) They share a link for where and how to donate. The anchors praise him for his charity, which he deflects because he can definitely afford this, and the 90-minute broadcast is over.

The camera pans away with the whole cast waving goodbye, and Bruce is seen keeling over with laughter.

Along with some of the other skits, these four specifically go viral. WE raises a fuck ton of money, and everyone loves Bruce.

THE END

LOVE YOU ALL!! Let me know what you think :D

#battinson #bruce wayne #batman #batman 2022 #the batman 2022 #the batman #battinson needs a hug #gotham #dc universe #dc #saturday night live #snl #soft bruce wayne #batdad #batfamily #gotham city #brucie wayne #only in gotham #give battinson a child 2k23

4K notes · View notes

milswrites · 2 months

Text

The Bat Boys X Bookworm!Reader

Summary: What the Bat Boys (and Eris & Lucien) are like with their bookworm partners

Warnings: Lil smutty and nsfw (not too much just want to cover myself) so 18+ MDNI

Notes: Just a bit of fun really, it's different to what I usually write but I hope you guys like it!

Rhysand

Rhysand loves you

And if loving you means that he has to feed your obsession with buying books?

Then he would happily clear out all the bookshops in Velaris if it meant getting to see you smile.

Rhysand is rich-rich.

Which means if there's something you want? He'll buy it for you without question.

You once mentioned about how much you'd love your own library one day.

So of course by the end of the week you had your own little haven inside Rhysand's house with more books than you could ever dream of reading and your own little ladder to reach them all.

But he didn't stop there.

For your mating gift he purchased you your very own library in Velaris

In which Rhys may or may not have enacted his fantasies of sleeping with a Librarian.

Whilst Rhysand does like to read, his taste in books is very different to your own.

But even though he doesn't read the books you do, he's more than happy to sit and listen to you talk about your favourite ones for hours if that meant being able to see your eyes light up as you talked about something you loved.

But no books nor libraries could top the best gift he had ever given you.

A hand-written book containing the story of your relationionship.

Complete with crude little comments and drawings the High Lord had scribbled down in the margins.

Rhysand loved history.

So what better way to preserve his undying love for you than in-between the pages of a book which would last forever.

Cassian

Cassian had never been very interested in books.

He'd much rather experience the thrill of real fighting and action in person than spend his time reading about it on some dusty old pages.

In fact the only time Cassian had been in a library he had the terrifying encounter with Bryaxis.

Safe to say that the trauma he experienced was the perfect excuse for never stepping in one again.

Until he met you.

Cassian has always been the type of guy who's all in or nothing.

He discovers the person he has a crush on likes reading?

You know he's going to be walking around with books he's never even opened pretending like he is a well-read Illyrian.

Citing quotes he doesn't even understand just to try and impress you.

And once you're together?

You show Cassian exactly what he's missed out on when it comes to reading.

Especially when it comes to getting tips for your bedroom activities.

For months after you revealed to him the wonders that are smut books, Cassian would spend his free time delving through the pages looking for new ideas on how to spice up your sex life.

Claiming his increased interest in reading was due to 'research purposes'

Cassian is 100% down to roleplay characters from your novels

He loves being the big strong hero to your damsel.

Whenever Cassian catches you reading, happily curled into the comfort of your sofa, he'll approach with a smirk on his lips

"Any new tricks you'd like to try out? I think page 69 is worth a shot."

Azriel

Azriel's a busy guy.

He's always away on missions for Rhysand or working in the dungeons of the Court of Nightmare's

So he can be forgiven if when he comes home, reading is the last thing on his mind.

But what he does enjoy though, is when you read to him.

He can lay with his head in your lap for hours.

Humming along to whatever tale you tell whether it's fantasy, romance or a good thriller

Sometimes he'll even offer his input. Laugh when something especially funny happens or shed a tear whenever a character he likes died.

Azriel loves the sound of your voice

Enjoying the way you put on voices whenever a character is speaking.

He's grown to like the sense of domesticity that he feels whenever you read to him. Allowing himself to imagine you doing this to two little Illyrian babies of your own.

Reading to your wide eyed children as they are gripped by the tales you're telling

Azriel is also a gentleman.

Need a hand with carrying the books you're choosing whilst you shop?

He's there

Hands willingly taking everything you stack on top of him, trailing after you with your selections like a lost puppy.

And when you get to the till?

Azriel had already spoken to the shopkeeper upon entry and added anything you chose to his account. Claiming the books were just as much his as they were yours if you were going to read them to him.

Azriel is definitely the type of male who likes you to read your smut to him as he pleasures you, acting out the words on the page until you're unable to speak anymore, leaving the rest of the chapter to your own imagination.

Eris

Eris is a reader.

He loves nothing more than to settle down after a long day with a good book in hand and a steaming tea.

You can't tell me he doesn't find it the hottest thing ever when he discovers you like to read too

The two of you have your own little book club

You'll each read the same book and then have a little meeting when it's over to discuss what you thought of it.

He can also get really emotional and intense about them.

God knows the amount of times you've had to calm him down when a character has made a choice he didn't like.

I think Eris definitely likes to write too

Not seriously, but it's a good way for him to get his thoughts out and to escape from the day to day of his reality.

And he loves to have you read his work

To see the way your face lights with joy as your eyes flick through his beautiful prose.

A small smile upon his lips at the knowledge that the muse for his writings was you.

Lucien

Lucien also likes to read.

But the way you read?

It terrifies him.

The way you obsess over the characters from your stories.

Your passionate opinions on their decisions and the plots.

God forbid Lucien says something about them that you don't agree with.

Lucien finds you positively feral when it comes to the stories you like.

But that doesn't stop him from wanting to show interest in them too.

Lucien likes to read all your favorite books and leave annotations of his thoughts in the margins.

This was exactly how the two of you had gotten together, the male having gifted you with a copy of a book he had noticed you reading.

The pages filled with scratchy comments and opinions on everything that happened.

Lucien pours his soul into his annotations and you love that.

Lucien is also a poetry man.

He loves to recite verses to you which stick out to him

Sometimes they were romantic, making your heart stop in your chest and breath catch in your throat.

But Lucien was also a fan of satirical poetry

The most ridiculous, corny things you have ever heard.

He'll come find you as you're going about your day and recite his latest read to you - your eyes rolling to the back as you did so, yet you fail to hide the smile which crosses your face every time he does so.

He has also tried to write you poetry before, express the depth of his feelings towards you. Safe to say his lame attempt of a limerick earnt him a scoff and had you hiding all his poetry books from him for the next month.

#acotar #fanfic #acotar imagine #sarah j maas #a court of thorns and roses #azriel x reader #azriel imagine #cassian x reader #eris vanserra x reader #cassian #eris vanserra #rhysand x reader #rhysand #lucien vanserra #lucien vanserra x reader

785 notes · View notes

welovelouisandbucky · 4 months

Text

My two favorite Slytherin boys headcanons bc why not?

T/w: few swear words, my writing, and some out of character stuff because im delusional, little suggestive if you can call it that, and yes aside from that if you find any pls let me know:) also my writing

A/n: hi y'all, I just want to say pls be kind as this is my first time writing for these characters so if there's any mistakes pls overlook them thank you! Also I tried my best to keep this GN so everyone can read and enjoy this and yeah that's it, have great day!!!

S/n: requests are open so feel free to send in ideas, I'll love to write what you guys suggest. Also feel free to ask for more Slytherin or any Harry Potter characters you want headcanons/blurbs about, I'll love to write and add more🤗

Masterlist

Mattheo Riddle

(gifs credits to the rightful owner)

Also this one's long as you can see I got carried away😁

Mattheo who always looks forward to see your face after the end of the day

Mattheo who will fight any one who looks at you funny or talks shits about you

Mattheo who glares at every single person but the seconds he spots you his eyes softens up in millisecond in adoration

Mattheo who holds your books or bag everywhere you guys go, because God forbid if his princess/prince ever has to worry about those things when he's there to do them for you

Mattheo who waits after you when the class is over so he can walk you to other class while he pulls you as closer to him as possible

Mattheo who searches for you before every Quidditch game so he can have his good luck charm kiss from you

Mattheo who pretends to hate and act tough when you baby him while secretly melting into a puddle inside every time you call him sweet names. ( He absolutely loses his shit when you call him baby but shush it's a secret 😌)

Mattheo who has probably drawn you only few hundreds of times in his super, super duper, very classified sketchbook that no one knows of.

Mattheo who always encourages you to do things you want to do but are too scared to actually do it.

Mattheo who always supports your decisions, even if they are stupid

Mattheo who appropriates your little hobbies and interests even if they are weird, he just wants to you to feel safe and heard around him

Mattheo who's always there for you whenever you need him, always there to hold you close on bad days because he knows how it feels when you are at your worst and there's no one to comfort you (thankfully he doesn't have to worry about being alone now that you are here as well as his friends)

Mattheo who struggles with expressing his emotions and feelings but still tries his hardest to show them to you because he wants you to know how much you mean to him.

Mattheo who's not that good at comforting but still pulls you to him because he can't stand seeing you cry and not do anything about it.

Mattheo who willingly listens to you rant about everything and anything because he loves hearing your voice (even if half of the things you said are going above his head but hey at least he's trying! ☺️)

Mattheo who hates not knowing what's happening around him because it makes him feel helpless and he hates feeling weak. That's why he always, and I mean always knows what's going on everywhere

Mattheo who's touch starved (bc yk all that being dark Lord's son and growing up with death eaters and all) and craves your touch. He's always in any way touching you, whether holding hands, or a hand on your thigh or waist just any kind of physical touch because he wants to be as close to you as possible.

Mattheo who loves loves cuddles, doesn't matter who's spooning who as long as you guys are in each other's arms.

Mattheo who loves you so much that it physically hurts him, and there's nothing he wouldn't do you

Mattheo who will always protect you no matter what

~~~

Theodore Nott

Theo who loves to tease you throughout the whole day just so he can see you all worked up for him

Theo who looks forward to your quick comebacks every time he comments on something he knows he will get reaction out of you and absolutely loses his shit when you roast the shit out of him for it

Theo who calls you sweet endearments in Italian because he loves to see your confused smile, contemplating whether he roasted you or called you something sweet in foreign language

Theo who keeps you company while you finish your homework in library

Theo who loves spending time with you on Astronomy tower (he just in general loves spending time with you but astronomy tower is more special to him) while you are snuggled up against his side as you guys look at stars.

Theo who will read with you, doesn't matter what kind of books you guys are reading as long as both of you are together.

Theo who prefers reading classic novels but will happily read cheesy rom-com books with you because you said so (secretly he enjoys them too but hush🙈)

Theo who actually enjoys reading poetry, and sometimes when you guys are alone he'll read few to you

Theo who's always there to comfort you whenever you have problems with your family because he knows how it feels.

Theo who's always there to stand up for you in any situation

Theo who starts to smoke less around you if it bothers you, but if you smoke too then both of you guys will smoke together at the Astronomy tower

Theo who loves silence and doesn't enjoy talking much but is always ready to listen to you talk for hours, you are the only person he can talk and listen to for eternity without ever getting sick of it.

Theo who loves when you wear his clothes

Theo who said I love you first time when he saw you curse someone out because they said some shit about him, he doesn't really care whatever shit they were saying but seeing you stand up for him made him feel emotions he never felt before.

Theo who just absolutely loves you and wants to spend entirety of his life with you

Thank you so much for reading, likes and comments are very much appreciated. As well as positive criticism, pls don't hate this is a safe place for everyone!! Bye bye have great day!!!

~~~~

Enzo's headcanon!

885 notes · View notes

mrmiserymushroom · 8 months

Text

one of my personal favorite tropes it’s the “well, we are really close and get along pretty well! they’re one of the best people in the world and one of my best friends. We hook up and good he fucks me so well and sometimes i fantasize about getting married but it’s not like i’m head over hills for them! NO NO NO NO NOPE. NO HOMO!!! TOTALLY BUDDIES BEING BUDDIES! but oh lord if you touch them I SWEAR TO FUCKING-” and i am was absolutely enchanted that this new episode got all of that!!

I also got to understand fizzy a lot more and now he (and maybe Ozzie) is my favorite character after Stolas!

I love how he and Blitz made up after a long time, even though I thought it was kinda quickly (or maybe i was just way too anxious and excited about my hyperfixation getting a new episode). I loved to see Blitzo getting to fix his mistakes and apologizing. I loved seeing him and fizzy talking and making jokes and arguing bc they’re so goddamn funny and have so much connection! Their friendship got my heart warm :]

I was a bit heartbroken about Stolas and how worried he was about his situation with Blitz. but I’m happy he seems to have a friend who will help him a bit and seems he can count on!

I LOVED FIZZAROLLI’S SONG OMG???? it was so yummy and nice and coool and AARSHAJDJAKSKAKSDKS

overall i REALLY loved this episode! Helluva Boss’s have been one of my hyperfixations and helped me through some really hard times. dunno if this is normal but i but i got so happy and excited about my hyperfixation having new content i actually got depressed and needed to take some SOS and go for a walk???? helloooo whatever the GAD and Depression are doing to me this is one of the craziest.

I get really REALLY insecure with talking about Helluva Boss on my socials and with anyone in general since i know the creator of it has some bad reputation and did really shitty things and the Hazbin Hotel series is pretty much hated for what i can see.

yeah i was afraid of what people would think about me if i tell them i hyperfixate on Helluva Boss and worried if they would thought i agree with any of the bad stuff that goes behind the creator and stuff.

so i just thought it would be a good idea if i just posted about it here (since a lot of people liked my helluva boss drawings) and take this stuff out of my chest to calm down my post anxiety attack. yeah thats it thanks if you read until this point :]

so yeah one of my favorites episodes so far!!! <3

#helluva boss #blitzo #blitz #blitzø #helluva blitz #helluva blitzo #helluva boss blitzø #stolas #fizzarolli #ozzies #helluva boss ozzie #helluva boss fizz x ozzie #helluva boss fizzarolli #fizzozzie #helluva boss new episode #helluva boss s2e6 #vent i guess?#yeah idk #:) hehe

409 notes · View notes

katapotato55 · 10 months

Text

how to make your writing be remembered forever and possibly be well loved.

(incredibly stupid and silly fanfiction line at the end of this post) I know that title is incredibly daunting but listen, its very simple. you ready?

MAKE STRONG CHARACTERS

"but kat! surely its not that simple! " nononono listen. bear with me. I want you to think of your favorite thing. Now ask: what do you remember the most about the thing you love? I will go first:

I love team fortress 2. and guess what: this game has been around since 2007, and was in development hell since before I was even born. The game has been around for 16 fucking years. And guess what? in the strong year of 2023 team fortress 2 Is STILL getting memed about. and do you want to know the crazy part? the character designs to the naked eye are not special at all. ok sure from a designer standpoint, these are very well designed characters made so that you can easily tell who they are based on their silhouette. but from the average joe.... tf2 is iconic but overall it looks ok. it doesn't seem special to a stranger to tf2. look at this completely random and arbitrary example of a game in the same genre:

I don't know shit about the characters in overwatch. Yeah i have a BASIC idea on what their personality is like based on voice lines and some videos i guess... but in-game they just exist. these characters are brightly colored, they have beautiful unique designs, hell they have even more diversity such as robots and people from other cultures! but i don't remember shit about these characters. Maybe I remember the ice lady and tracer, but nothing else. and yeah part of overwatch struggling right now is incompetant development, BUT: The characters in team fortress 2 are SO remember-able because the characters have such a vibrant personality. I am an orange box owner, its been a decade and a half and I am still remembering this game and enjoying art about it.

"but kat! that is a comedy game! Overwatch is a very serious game! are you saying comedy is needed to make a character more noticeable?" no. though I think allowing your characters to lighten up every now and then would humanize them. Not full on goofy, just give them something that makes them likeable. and if you cant do that, you can STILL make a compelling character even though they are mostly seriousness. I have an even more awfully thought out example:

kung fu panda is a masterclass in making a serious comedic movie somehow work. Master Oogway.... he isn't a comedic character at all. Yeah we made memes about him, but ignoring that, he is a wise and resourceful person. He is at calm and has faith in this intuition. there are a lot of characters like this. What makes Oogway stand out is that he is also a little bit kooky and sassy.

youtube

this youtube clip sums up what I mean. It is a funny line, it fits the character, and It doesn't ruin the seriousness of the moment. Some of the most successful series in history have something about them that has appealed to people. In my opinion: characters with strong personality and interesting traits is always a good way to ensure your writing is successful. The second most important is the characters bouncing off of each other in terms of their chemistry with each other. There is a reason why I spent years playing the first Destiny game and all of the DLC, but I remember fuck all about the characters. I think I maybe remember the bootleg star lord robot guy.

A writing exercise

here is an exercise to get you in the spirit of character making. step 1- get a random character from a random bit of media. In this case let me bring you master Oogway. Step 2- Get a completely different character from a completely unrelated series. I am going to give you Scout from team fortress 2. step 3- write a random ass thing about them interacting. Think about how the characters would react to each other and why. Think about each characters values in life and think about how they would bond and conflict with each other. Think about characters similar to the character they met in the past and how they reacted then, and if they have never interacted, make something interesting with it. Step 4- keep experimenting. Once you get into the spirit you can apply this to any new character you could want to make anyways thats it byeee- "arent you going to do that ?" do what? "make a writing thing about oogway and scout. " ........

Scout: let's go turtle you got nothing on my speed- Oogway: The one who first resorts to violence shows that he has no more arguments. Scout: that sounds like chicken talk! come on tough guy let me have it- Oogway then proceeds to make scout eat shit before vanishing in a cloud of cherry blossoms and dust from the desert. If this post isn't popular I want you to know my dignity was lost for nothing.

#please read the post before you comment “oooh no why do you have so many random tags”. they are not random this post is just weird as fuck #trust me on this this absolutely does actually have something to do with both kung fu panda and team fortress 2 please read the post first #also fan art or writing bits based on the oogway and scout interaction I made would be 100% appreciated and loved by me.#I would love to see what yall make based on the exercise i made!#writing tips #writing advice #creative writing #writing #writers #character analysis #team fortress #team fortress 2 #tf2 #overwatch #overwatch 2 #kung fu panda #master oogway #tf2 scout

628 notes · View notes

cloudyyoimiya · 11 months

Note

omg please May i requet chuuya, fyodor and tecchou when they beg for s/o atention

yes ofc! good lord i rlly like this idea. just the idea of these tough, masculine men resorting to begging for a sliver of attention is rather funny in my eyes, but yet it would prove how far they’d go for their s/o. anyways, thank you for requesting!! <3

Begging for Their S/o’s Attention; Chuuya Nakahara, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, and Suehiro Tecchou

Format: Scenarios

Possible warnings: Fyodor most likely being out of character

Chuuya Nakahara

Currently you were typing away on your computer for work. By midnight you had to fill out several reports, thus you had no time to spare for breaks or even making dinner for yourself. You weren’t a slow worker, no, but you weren’t a quick one either. You didn’t even procrastinate this time! Why did your boss have to dump all of his work onto you for the night?!

Chuuya sat by idly, doing some random surfing of the internet on his phone. Every now and then you’d ask him to get you a food or a drink, and he’d oblige. He knew how much your work meant to you, so he didn’t wish to interfere by asking you to spend some quality time with him.

But Chuuya could only take so much of no attention from you. Thus, after a while, he finally decided to try to get your attention.

He got up from his seat on the sofa and walked to your desk. Chuuya then bent over a little bit so he could become eye level with your sitting form.

“My dear?” He asked with a forced smile. “When will you be done?”

“Oh I dunno… Maybe in a few hours. I still have a few reports to fill out,” you responded, still furiously typing on your keyboard. “Sorry!”

Chuuya internally rolled his eyes then folded his arms across his chest. “D’ya think you can take a break?”

“I don’t think so. I don’t wanna risk not reaching my deadline,” you murmured.

Your boyfriend let out a rather loud sigh. It almost seemed like he wanted you to hear his disappointment.

“Can you please take a break?” He asked, his voice becoming sickeningly sweet. It sounded extremely forced.

“I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Please?”

“I told you I can’t, Chuuya.”

He let out yet another loud sigh, but this time it was a borderline groan. “I’ll do anything ya want for a week if you take a break.”

“You drive a hard bargain,” you said as you started a new paragraph of your report. “But my answer is still no. I have to get these done, Chuuya. There’s no room for breaks.”

Chuuya stayed silent as he continued to stare at you. Apparently it was time for drastic measures on his end.

“When is the last time you saved that document?” He asked, trying to keep a friendly smile on his face.

“Just a few seconds ago. Why do you ask?”

When you finished talking, Chuuya immediately placed a hand on the back of your laptop and forced it to close. He then looked back up and you, a small smirk forming onto his features. He seemed rather proud of himself for this small stunt he pulled.

“That’s why.”

“Are you serious?”

“Very,” Chuuya huffed. “Is it so wrong that I wanna spend my free time with my partner?”

“Not at all, but you could have at least waited until I was done!”

“You wouldn’t be done for the next couple of hours,” your boyfriend deadpanned. “Now c’mon. I wanna spend time with you.”

You sigh as you sat up from your seat at the desk. You then stretched your limbs, your bones making a subtle popping noise. “Alright, alright. Fine.”

Chuuya smirked. “Good! Now lemme just…”

Your boyfriend threw you over his shoulder and started to bring you to the living room.

“Really?”

“Mhm.”

“You’re lucky I love you, Chuuya.”

Chuuya let out a soft chuckle. “I love you too.”

Fyodor Dostoyevsky

You were currently in your shared home with your boyfriend, relaxing in the living room while reading a book. You read about a chapter or so before the front door to your home opened. You shifted your glance to the noise, curious as to what it may be, and you were greeted with the sight of your tired boyfriend.

His posture was only the slightest bit worse, and he has eye bags slowly starting to form on his pale face. He looked like he had gone through a lot today; maybe that Ukrainian clown was bothering him again? Who knows…

You shrugged your shoulders and continued to read your book in silence. When Fyodor seemed like he was exhausted from work, he’d rather be alone than be with you. He has told you that it had nothing to do with you, it was just that he needed a little alone time to destress from the day. Who were you to argue with that? You were the same way if you had a particularly terrible day.

Fyodor sat down next to you as you continued to read your book. He seemed a little bit more fidgety than usual, but you brushed it off as he was still overwhelmed from whatever happened today.

“Love?” He eventually spoke up. His voice was as flat as ever.

“Hm?” You hummed as you turned the page of your book.

Fyodor stayed silent for a little while, most likely trying to gather his thoughts. He then spoke up in a whisper. “Can you do something for me?”

“Of course,” you said as you nodded. You then closed your book, making sure to place a bookmark where you finished your reading. “Do you need me to leave and give you space? I can do that for you y’know.”

“No, no. It’s alright,” Fyodor spoke, his tone getting gentler. He then went to say something, but stopped himself.

“Then what do you want me to do? Make you some dinner? How does chicken alfredo sound tonight?”

“No that’s not it either.”

You sat there, mildly confused. You put your book onto your lap and then crossed your arms. “Then what do you need?”

Fyodor seemed rather embarrassed as he spoke. “Can we please cuddle?”

“Pardon?” You asked, your eyes widening only the slightest bit.

Fyodor has always been really blunt as to what he wants and needs. He has never once hesitated to tell you what he desires, but this time he seemed embarrassed. Fyodor has never really outright asked you to cuddle with him, so this was a slight shock to you.

“Don’t make me repeat myself,” Fyodor muttered just loud enough for you to hear it.

“I won’t but… Are you sure? Don’t you want some alone time after a stressful day?”

Fyodor scoffed then glared at you. “I don’t need that right now. If I did then I’d already be in our room sleeping.”

“I see… Alright then. I’ll oblige,” you said with a small chuckle escaping your lips.

Fyodor scooted closer to you, then leaned his head onto your shoulder. You then let out a small sigh of content as you wrapped an arm around his waist. Fyodor was really never one to beg to be held like this, so you made sure to make him feel comfortable.

“Feel good?”

“Yes, thank you, myshka.”

“Of course, my dear. Anything for you,” you said with a small smile.

Fyodor let out a small sigh. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Suehiro Tecchou

With a whisk in hand, you were busy in the kitchen baking something for your boyfriend. Recently he had told you that he had a craving for chocolate cake with some cloves and cayenne pepper, so being the good partner you were, you decided to surprise him and help him satisfy his cravings.

Tecchou was currently sitting in the living room, scrolling through his phone. He was never really one to go into social media, but he felt like he needed to distract himself from you. The Hunting Dog wanted to get your attention, but he knew that he would never be able to get it while you were baking. After all, you had a very specific way you liked to bake, and he didn’t wish to intrude. He learned that the hard way.

Though, he could only take so much. That’s why Tecchou decided to get up from the couch and enter the kitchen.

You were whisking together your batter when you suddenly felt muscular arms wrap around you from behind. You let out a soft gasp then immediately whipped your head behind you, looking at your boyfriend straight in the eyes.

“Do you need something?” You asked as you continued to whisk the batter. You then directed your gaze to the mixing bowl once more.

“I’m bored,” your boyfriend simply stated, resting his head in the crook of your shoulder. He seemed content with holding you like this.

“Can’t you entertain yourself with your phone or with a book?” You asked, your voice remaining neutral.

“No. My phone isn’t you.”

You let out a soft hum. “Then I suppose you can stay in here while I bake. Just promise not to touch anything, alright?”

You could feel Tecchou nodding into your shoulder. “Of course, angel.”

“Good. Now give me some space,” you said as you carefully swatted away his arms.

Your boyfriend let out a small groan, clearly disliking that he won’t be able to hold you while you bake. He did respect your wishes though and let go of you for a little while. He then sat at a nearby barstool.

“When will you be done?” He asked.

“Soon-ish.”

“Soon-ish?”

“Mhm. Just be patient,” you said with a kind smile. “I’ll be done in no time.”

Tecchou let out a small sigh as he rested his elbows on the kitchen counter. He then continued to watch you, making sure you don’t somehow hurt yourself while baking. He knew that you were a careful person, but sometimes you had your days when you were clumsy.

After around fifteen minutes of you not being done, Tecchou got up from the bar stool and wrapped his arms around your waist from behind once more. And just like before, he also nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck.

“It’s been fifteen minutes,” he mumbled into your neck.

“Has it? I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he continued to mumble. “Are you done yet?”

“Just about. This can go in the oven to bake,” you said with a smile.

You walked over to the oven and carefully placed the cake tin full of batter inside all the while Tecchou was still latching onto your backside. Once it was in you set a timer and wiped some sweat from your forehead with your wrist.

“That just about does it!”

You could feel Tecchou nod into your neck before be picked you up and held you in his arms bridal style. You let out a small yelp as you felt in carrying you into the living room.

“I just wanna be with you for a little while, alright?”

715 notes · View notes

rae-writes · 11 months

Note

Hey, I've had this idea for a little bit involving the obey me characters and wanted to do it, but I'm lazy as f*ck so maybe you can because your writing is very good.

I've just been imagining this but what if the obey me brothers and Mc had, like, a Prank War senerio, like maybe Lucifer vs the anti-Lucifer league and at some point there's a nerf gun war (and it's very dramatic) I don't know, just thought it might be funny. :)

I WAS ON THIS SO FUCKING FAST- LUCIFER VS ANTI-LUCIFER LEAGUE LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The iconic western duel music playing from Mammon's phone in the background almost had you breaking character, but somehow you managed to keep a straight face and raise your [nerf] gun higher.

"Mc?" Lucifer sat with Barbatos, Lord Diavolo, Solomon, and Simeon- all having been in a meeting (read: tea time) together.

"I'm sorry Lucifer..." You broke out into a grin, not being able to take the sight of your demon accomplices poking their heads out from behind the entryway, effectively making the dramatic moment shatter with your laughter.

Satan, Belphie, Mammon, and [a very much bribed] Levi stepped out into the common room with various complaints of you ruining the surprise attack and/or theatrical flair (to which you promptly ignored in favor of laughing harder).

"I just wanna say-" you cocked the plastic gun, aiming it in their direction, "I was promised pudding." and then you fired, hitting Lucifer square in the forehead, before shooting again and hitting Diavolo in the chest.

"ATTAAAACK!"

Hoots and hollers echoed off the walls as the House of Lamentation turned into a chaotic air soft range; Team Lucifer was now firing back with magic while the Anti-Lucifer League + Co was barrel-rolling across the floor and vaulting over furniture as they frantically shot the foam bullets you were all equipped with.

Truly, you didn't know exactly what the hell was going on for a while, only that Satan was going one-on-one with Lucifer, Belphie was taking shots at Diavolo from behind the couch, Mammon had the misfortune of being paired with Barbatos, and Levi was taking on Solomon (Simeon chose to sit on the sidelines and discretely help you).

"Mammon!" your over the top cry got everyone's attention- both the magic and bullets stopped flying as they watched you run to Mammon (who was sprawled on the ground) in amusement.

"M-mc," the second born's performance was even more dramatic than yours, "I feel cold...I t-think m'dyin, mc. U-use Goldy at least t-three times a day for m-me."

Practically in tears from laughing, you quickly tugged Mammon's body up to shield you from Solomon's attack, "LOVE YOU! THANKS!" and made your way to Satan to begin shooting at Lucifer again.

Lucifer is relentless with his magic attacks, not even blinking when you barely managed to dodge, even going so far as chuckling when Diavolo and Barbatos joined him- having defeated Belphie and Mammon.

(Belphie ended up tiring himself out and just stopped mid-roll, allowing Barbatos to land his attack. The seventh born just gave a thumbs up and went limp on the floor so he could just lay there and watch the rest of the game play out).

The five of you were all that was left when Solomon and Levi called a tie ("Shut up, Mammon! I might be a good shooter, but it's kind of hard to land a blow when he's firing shit at me that's breaking apart into more attacks!"), making the competition even more tense. It was evenly paced for at least three minutes before Barbatos withdrew.

"Give up now, Lucifer," Satan sent you a subtle nod, "Or suffer the consequences."

"You couldn't even beat me by yourself. How do you expect to win with Diavolo by my side?"

The largest magic attack that's been used this entire game came from said demon, directed right at Satan with a 100% certainty of landing.

That is, until it slammed into you instead.

Your body flew a couple feet back, skidding across the hardwood upon landing. The entire room went silent as the two opposing members rushed forward with your name falling from their mouth.

Lucifer reached you first, lifting your head to check for injuries softly, "Mc? Does anything hurt?"

"Mc, I'm so sorry-!"

You gripped Lucifer's wrist, tugging weakly (as if you had no strength), "Luci..fer.."

The first born leaned down, conveniently missing the bullet that hit Diavolo's shoulder. "What hurts?!" he was so uncharacteristically worried- it almost made you feel bad. Almost.

"Long live the Anti-Lucifer League."

Satan landed a hit right on the back of Lucifer's neck and a deafening cheer erupted from your other team members. It was all celebration and laughter and recounting the night's highlights until you let out a hiss after trying to sit up.

"That actually did hurt, though, can someone help me up? I might've sprained something....again."

"I'm so, so sorry!"

"It's alright, Lord Diavolo- it was all part of the plan-"

"-getting injured?"

"...Not that part, but winning definitely was. Can I have my pudding now?"

#obey me x reader #om x reader #obey me fluff #obey me drabbles #lucifer x reader #satan x reader #mammon x reader #diavolo x reader

493 notes · View notes

inuiiwonderland · 16 days

Note

Hewwo :3 sooo I was wondering if you wouldn't mind writing hcs for the characters' reaction to reader(MC) being a 10-12 year old girl?? Like a slightly bratty, but endearing and energetic type. Think preppy Sephora girl💀 that would be super great, don't push urself tho💚

Twst characters with a 12 y/o Mc!

A/n: Hellooo! So sorry for the wait but here it is! You didn’t tell me which characters so I hope you don’t mind about the ones that I picked!🤍

Characters: Vil, Ace, And riddle!

Platonic! Twst x fem!reader

Vil Schoenheit

“Aren’t you too young to be wearing that?” “And aren’t you too old to be wearing that ton of makeup?”

Yeah vil didn’t like the slight attitude you had when you two first met.

But after getting to know you better during the VDC and after his overblot, you two became good buddies.

He treats you like a little sibling so just know that he will check up on you every now and then. (Especially if you’re out with the first year gang, he doesn’t want you to get in trouble or worse, hurt)

Will scold you from time to time when you act slightly bratty to him or anyone else. He can’t have you acting like that to anyone and will make sure you are respectful.(If it’s neige though…he might encourage you from the sidelines…)

Definitely will take you out to buy some clothes. Seriously headmage, how can you have a young child running around with used up/torn clothes? The media will for sure have a field day with this if they were to find out.

Shows you how to do make up. BUT, he still thinks you’re too young to be wearing it so he will only do it when he wants to experiment or when you want to take pictures together. (Which will only be light makeup)

Has rook look after you when he’s too busy to do it himself. You are a magic less girl from an unknown world so of course he’s going to be scared for your safety.

Makes sure you are stocked up with sanitary products. Big brother vil will make sure you are doing alright and have everything you need.

Girls night after a long day or exam week!

Tries not to post you too much on his magicam. He either posts you on close friends OR has a secret magicam account that only his close friends + you know about. He can’t have you being bothered by paparazzi or crazy obsessive fans.

Ace trappola

“Whose annoying little sister is this?” “Whose dumb son is this?”

Yeah…you and ace did not get along at first.

The two of you cannot go a second without arguing with one another about random stuff.

But after some time. The two of you get close and tada! You now have an annoying protective older brother ready to fight anyone who dares to insult/hurt you!

You two are a NIGHTMARE when you guys are together.

You guys will tease and make fun of people when the two of you are together.

PRANKS. DEAR LORD THE FREAKING PRANKS.

Poor deuce is a victim because of all the pranks you and ace pulled on him.

You guys both got collared by riddle this one time because the two of you decided it was going to be a good idea to switch riddles shampoo with pink hair dye.

He’s the type to literally burp or fart on you when you’re trying to do homework or just scrolling through twisttok.

Like it’s not even funny but HE thinks it’s the most hilarious thing in all of twisted wonderland.

And you think it’s the most annoying and disgusting thing ever.

Shares his snacks with you but starts complaining the moment the others asks for some.

He always makes sure you are safe when you guys are facing another overblot.

Invites you to his games and always brags about how awesome and cool he is. (Typical older brother behavior)

Will steal your snacks when you are not looking. Hey! He shares his food with you so it’s only fair you do the same.

Movies Nights with the first year gang is a must! Will literally laugh and record you as you scream and jump at every jump scare the movie has. (You always smack or throw a pillow at him. Demanding for him to delete it)

You force him to wear face masks and have a girls night with you. Will complain and whine but stills does it anyway to make you happy.

Riddle Roseheart

“Excuse me but that was very rude of you” “Eh? Why is a child trying to scold me”

Instant collar

Riddle will not tolerate such behavior and disrespect. Especially from a child!

Will take some time for him to warm up to you.

The constant rule breaking and the talk back was enough to turn him red and collar you every chance he gets.

But once he starts warming up to you, he stops and starts to treat you like a little sister.

You also stop with the rule breaking and the talk back. (Welll you stopped talking back and you TRY not to break as many rules)

Will help you study for any upcoming test or exams.

He can’t have you failing and having poor grades. So you better thank him for the good grades you currently have.

Invites you to unbirthday parties.

You for some reason love painting the roses red. So when you’re over at heartsalbyul, you help with painting the roses.

You wanted to make riddle happy so you spent a whole month learning the 810 rules of the Queen of hearts to make him happy.

And boy was he happy

Literally almost shed tears of happiness

Ace should learn a thing or two from you

Buys you cute tea cup sets! And also tried baking a tart for you with the help of Trey. (It turned out alright!)

Also protective of you

Gets mad when Crowley has you running around doing errands for him which he can clearly do HIMSELF.

You give him a heart attack every time you are out with the first year gang. He has both ace and deuce promise him nothing bad will happen to you when you are out with them. Or else it will be an instant collar.

Let’s you play and help him take care of the hedgehogs

A/n: This was so fun to write! Sorry if some are ooc🥲

#inuiiwonderland🤍#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #platonic twst #platonic twisted wonderland #disney twst #twst imagines #twst headcanons #twisted wonderland disney #twst heartslabyul #twst pomefiore #twst vil schoenheit #twst ace trappola #twst riddle rosehearts

130 notes · View notes

ariespellz · 2 years

Text

hand holding hcs !!

ft. genshin guys + gn!reader

includes: ayato, gorou, venti, kazuha, heizou, tighnari, dainsleif.

one, two, three.

cw: fluff, established relationship, some parts might be longer than others, alcohol mentions in venti's, a bit suggestive in venti's if you squint, i can't write tighnari to save my life, spoilers in dain's (?) and mostly very full of speculation:')

A/N: THIS TOOK SO LONG.. BUT HERE IT IS LOL. i might not be doing anything this long w this many characters ever again :')) maybe the third part as the last and thats it lol. ANYWAY SORRY!!! I HAD THE WORST WRITERS BLOCK EVERR AND I BEGAN CLASS AGAIN :((

AYATO

either the king of hand holding or the worst one on the list.

choose your fighter.

his hands are SOOO soft. he hasn't picked up a single sword without gloves since was like, five.

or anything, for that matter

also slender, bony and long fingers?? really pretty nails??

phew rich kids i swear

as stated before, he can be super sweet and intimate, intertwining your fingers with care

or he'll practically drag you by your wrist. not even in a mean way just,,

yeah

he probably has no idea what he's doing. he has no reference on what to do or on how to behave aside from the cheesy romance novels ayaka likes to read.

no parents or parent-like figures in his life, and (i assume) barely any physical affection with his sister, as much as they love each other.

that's why he craves it in some way. probably

PDA is not for him. at all.

he's a very private person who dislikes public appearances

so holding hands while walking around the city would happen every once in a blue moon.

HOWEVER!!!

it's cool if you're alone

more than cool, in fact

he likes it a lot. when he has free time he takes you in quiet dates throughout inazuma's nature

in those moments he sometimes moves your hand to his lips and kisses the knuckles <33

it's so gentle and sweet, and sometimes he'll whisper praises too

"you're so precious, my love."

UGHH blushing and giggling and kicking my feet in the air rn

and oh god poor thoma. they guy is always the one to find you two.

"my lord, an officer is waiting to..." he trails off after seeing you in his lap while he worked on paperwork, his free hand stroking yours. you giddily wave to him as a greeting, and he returns the gesture with a nod and a friendly smile of his own. "...right. i'll tell him to come back later. sorry for the interruption!"

you two are lucky he's so used to it.

unfortunately, he's not always the one who catches you.

if your footsteps are soft and your ears are open, you can hear some of the maids gossip about you two.

"oh, they're so lovely! did you hear the rumours?" "about the picnic? yeah! mei told me they were cuddling! can you picture that?" "yeah! lord kamisato's totally smitten!"

it always makes you smile.

as inexperienced as he was when it came to physical affection, he was the first one to hold your hand.

ayaka had told him that "it would give you butterflies".

you BET she was right like-

a fish out of the water is the closest comparison of how your heart was pounding

although inexperienced, ayato is a natural-born romantic. he's sitting in front of you in some expensive restaurant, candles and roses and a private room (just for you two of you, just like he likes it). he's as nervous as you, if not more. this is your first official date!

remembering what ayaka said, his right hand approached yours, in a slightly shy way. "may i?" he murmurs, brushing his digits over yours.

"sure!" you answer, voice meek and an octave higher than usual.

he finds your enthusiasm funny

in a good way

in conclusion, he's not as slick as he'd like to be lol

half the estate has seen you two. the other half is patiently waiting their turn.

over time, he gets more used to it. no more dragging you, no more grasp that's barely there, just,, a normal hold.

a sweet one tho<3

GOROU

physical touch is not his love language

but he doesn't dislike it!! he'll do it if you're into it!!

he's really soft about it and you can see his tail wagging happily hehshdhdhsjsj<3

he's a very assertive man and a good (but somehow strict?) general, so his subordinates never get used to see you two interact ESPECIALLY when it comes to affection

gorou: *has your hand in his*

troops passing by: *😲*

you change him i'm telling you

he's pretty good at separating his work and personal life, so expect the affection to be more common in private

hand holding is not his forte nor his preferred way of showing physical affection, but he'll still get flustered from it

"the supplies are to be sent to the sangonomiya shrine. that is our main objective right now." he says, voice stern. his body, however, betrays him once you reach out to grab his hand. his ears flop immediately and his tail swings rapidly from side to side, cheeks starting to turn pink. you can't help but giggle when his eyes flicker between you and his subordinates, full of nerves.

"we saw nothing, sir," one of them says, clearly biting back a smile. "your orders will be followed immediately." he bows and leaves hurriedly.

they still talk about that to this day.

his hands are average size. not super tiny, but definitely smaller than ayato's or dainsleif's (side note: just noticed this applies to every guy in this post except those two and pantalone lmao).

his palms are a bit rough and he has some scratches here and there, but he makes sure his nails are clean and decent.

hald holding with him (ironically enough) isn't that common

you were the one to do it for the first time.

you guys weren't even dating (yet) and you were pinning hard

so after bribing some of his underlings with cookies, you managed to get them to do part of his work (and also get him to relax for an afternoon)

((with you, or course.))

(((the soldiers knew their boss had been crusing on you for centuries, so it was a win-win situation for them)))

sitting on a cliff, watching the scenery. beautiful pastel tones mixed with the pink hue of the sky in the sunset. he was next to you, eyes set on the horizon somehow looking unfocused. the golden light adorned his beautiful features, and you wanted nothing more than to embrace him and never let go.

you knew, however, that you had to be careful. you could've chosen the safest option and shut your mouth, like you always did. but no, not today.

with that in mind, you slowly place you palm in his hand. his ears immediatelly perk up as he looks at you, not bothering to pull away.

"i like you. a lot. and, uh, i'm just happy i can be here with you." you cough out in the spur of the moment. his eyes widen like coins and his tail straightens. he chokes a bit with his words, coming up with nothing to say.

it was a it awkward, really. you had your eyes fixed in the place your skin touched with his, refusing to adress his burning stare. regret filled your gut, and you tried to pull away, ready to stand up and go home to cry under the covers.

but a hand grasping your wrist stops you.

he looks like a deer in headlights, eyes gleaming and face redder than ever.

five words come out of his mouth, faster than any others he has ever muttered:

"are you free on sunday?"

VENTI

ah, venti...

he'd use handcuffs to chain you two together if he could.

he is very much a PDA guy. has no shame.

worth it tho because his hands are illegally soft. like cotton.

and his fingers are slender and delicate.

oh and there was no special "first time holding hands!!! exciting!!!!" moment

because guess who got touchy right after figuring his feelings out?

you guessed it! him!!

he snaked an arm around your waist, holding you close, and intertwined your fingers with his. it would have been romantic (and kinda hot, even) if it wasn't for the fact that the poor, poor honorary knight had to physically separate him from you so he would go home already.

"oh, love, one has never seen such beauty. never in thousands of years has a flowery field or a sunset in the ocean compared to your endless eyes." he recites close to your neck, hot breath fanning on your skin making a shiver run down your spine. aside from the fact that you have literally no idea what he means by thousands of years, his lidded orbs boring into yours don't help. "i would become a sailor if it meant that i could spend my life navigating in the ocean of your eyes. would you let me drown in them?"

"i don't get paid enough for this." the blonde mutters, secretly envying the fact that paimon was already sleeping.

"me neither." you say in return with an awkward laugh, wishing that the darkness covered your blush.

he gets a bit poetic after a couple of bottles, what can i say.

diluc always stares at you when you have to go pick him up from the tavern

you swear that's pity flooding his usually soulless eyes

you have the anemo archon wrapped around your finger

quite the accomplishment, if you were to ask me

he's all over you. especially (but not exclusively) when he's tipsy, or (god forbid) drunk.

oh yeah baby

DRUNK.

he gets on top of some table, requests the lights to be dimmed, and pulls out his lyre

and starts to sing the cheesiest song you have ever heard

(even the ever-so-cold sister rosaria smiles at the spectacle full of amusement)

"oooooh, babe, i want nothing but youuuu!" kaeya sings the chorus with slurred words and broken laughs (ironic, considering he's usually the sad drunk) as the others clap along. some guys have gotten up and started dancing.

"do something!" you plead charles, but he just laughs even louder at your desperation. you frown and bite your lips so you don't start doing the same. "for fucks sake, venti! get off there, its three in the morning!"

"why do you have to be so cruuuuel???" he sings in a cry, full of emotion. dropping to his knees in a dramatic way, he tugs at your arm to pull you closer. and right then and there, he stops singing abruptly. "i love you. i love you so, so much." his eyes water and your breath hitches. suddenly serious, his flushed cheeks have your heart doing flips. "you're gorgeous, (y/n). i wish you'd let me stare at you all day. you're the only thing i think about. i want to tell you- no. i need to tell you-"

at that moment, the door slammed open.

"you again?" diluc groaned. everything went silent except for kaeya, who greeted him excitedly, making his way to him in big stomps. noticing this, the redhead sighs tiredly. "show's over, everyone. we're closing for the night."

the drunkards groaned the first time this happened, but because of it repeating every month, they've gotten used to it.

the guy has the patience of a saint, you note.

"let's go home, then," you always say with a kiss to his cheek "you tone-deaf bard."

KAZUHA

out of context but this guy invented chivalry

no i will not give any further explanations

he'll hold your hand like he gets paid for it. so enthused about it.

unlike the three messed up people (lovingly) above, this one does the thumb rubbing thing!! (hooray i guess)

his hands are probably rough considering he uses a katana without gloves/is literally a wanderer. but. i can't picture it. let a woman dream.

OH AND HE'LL TAKE HIS BANDAGE OFF IN PRIVATE IF YOU ASK HIM TO <3

just imagine it aaaaa

he stares at you in pure disbelief EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU ASK

LIKE NO KAZUHA THE BURN MARKS ARE NOT UGLY

and when you tell him that he blushes aahhzhsgzwkshjsjs

still! he's very shy about it (oddly enough) so he will only do it if you've been together for more than, let's say, 6 months?? maybe??

he'll slowly unwraps the cloth, cheeks slightly flushed (as always). it's constant, really; he doesn't falter but he doesn't speed up.

that is, until he comes to a stop. right above the mark.

"kazu," you call. he looks at you through his lashes, full of... embarrassment? "you don't have to if you don't feel like it. but... that's not the case, is it?"

he looks so out of character, gulping and avoiding your gaze. he breathes and tries to say something, but he stops himself and stares at his lap.

"look at me, love." you request, placing your palm on his cheek. "you don't need to hide yourself. you're beautiful."

he stammers a compliment and looks away, clearly flustered by the affection

how cute

those times are when you get to see him timid

no one will believe you, but he's the clingy one

hands on your shoulders, on your hips, waist, face, thighs, and most importantly, on your hands.

the first time you held hands, he was the one initiating the contact

you weren't dating, or even close

that was the day you started crushing on him

wether you were a fellow pirate in the crux fleet or just some person travelling with them on one (1) time makes no difference

the storm unravelling in front of you could terrify anyone

you were, of course, no exception

captain beidou's loud voice, commanding the last preparations before seeking shelter

the loud crackling of thunder, and the constant crash of the waves

the raindrops which fell like knives, making a sound similar to bullets when they hit the wooden floor

the footsteps, your heartbeat, the ropes being pulled

it was just too much

breath quickening, you tried to calm down. teardrops were beginning to form on your eyes but you didn't allow yourself to cry.

it'd be downright embarrassing, considering that everyone else seemed to be taking the situation with cold precision

and oh, fuck, your hands and legs were trembling like jelly

you heard beidou yell something in your direction, and next thing you knew, someone was pulling you inside to the hold.

"it's okay. you're safe now." kazuha's gentle voice lulls you. he's gently grasping your hands in his, rubbing comforting patterns in your skin. you curl up, fingers tightening as the ship rocks violently. you silently thank him when he doesn't pull away or swats you off, opting to huddle closer to you instead. his warmth makes your muscles relax slightly, and he chuckles lightly at it. "feeling better already? i'm glad."

you had never really talked to kazuha, as he often refrained from taking place in the numerous drinking competitions the fleet celebrated on sundays.

(let's just say, that changed in the future)

crimson orbs meet yours when you choose to face the man, and suddenly your face has turned into their rival in a fictional challenge.

you thank him again and straighten up, coming back to your senses. you instantly miss his body heat, but you say nothing.

he does not, however, seem to have any intentions of letting your hand go.

HEIZOU

oh dear god

you're in for a ride

you see, he can be the perfect boyfriend

but he can be a little shit too

it depends on how much he'd like to tease you

if he feels like being an asshole, he'll conjoin your hands and swing them exaggeratedly while skipping and maybe even singing a little tune

he makes sure this is in public (unless it's crossing your boundaries), so he can embarrass you a bit

(if you, however, start replicating him, he'll make it progressively more obnoxious until one of you gives up)

((make it be him. please. place your entire body against his arm and bat your eyelashes at him like you're fucking minnie mouse or something. he's officially losing this one.))

"my dear! my everything!" he exclaimed, snaking your hips with one arm and conjoining your hands with the other. he presses kisses on your fingers, green eyes gleaming with mischief, and he finds it hard to fight back a cackle. this would've been funny, cute, ir even romantic, if it wasn't for the bewildered looks of his coworkers.

one dude actually yelled at him to at least do that in his office. once you were there, you questioned his triumphant expression

"ah, there was this boring case they wanted me to solve..." he snickered. "now they won't come into my office and pester me. i guess some other guy will do it."

fucking bastard (adoringly)

his fingers are long and slim, and his knuckles are rough

he literally throws punches as self-defense. no sword, no bow, just his fists.

by this, i imply that at least his knuckles and reverse of his fingers could exfoliate your skin better than any soap.

his palms are softer (not too big of an accomplishment. a three-day-beard could achieve that, too), and rather cold

heizou's preferred form of physical affection isn't hand holding, actually, so he's not too big on it

he makes an exception for the situation mentioned above AND if you're feeling nervous or stressed.

in the second case, he'll be more subtle. he can read you like a book, so he'll save you of any unwanted attention by softly caressing your palm and fingertips.

"it's okay" he whispers. "do you want to get out of here?"

and if you say yes, he'll excuse the both of you and get you some dango milk

he'll have your pinkies intertwined and walk side by side with you. no jokes or teasing remarks.

(he also manages to have the same exact pace as you. sometimes it's a bit hypnotizing to watch.)

oh and btw, you were the one holding his hand the first time

he knew you were smitten

he knew what you wanted

but he still said "hmm let's see what they do"

smirking at you your whole first date like "oooh you wanna kiss me so bad"

(PUNCH HIM. HE WON'T SEE THAT ONE COMING)

and while accompanying you back home, he's waiting patiently for you to make a move.

and of course he notices. he sees the way your hand shifts closer to his, only to pull away a second later. he sees from the corner of his eye the way your chest rises and falls progressively faster. and oh, archons! you're doing it!

you're lifting your hand up, and it's getting closer, and nearer, and omg it's right next to his--

"go on," he says in a teasing manner, breaking the silence. he wears an shit-eating grin as if it was his best suit "you can do it. i don't bite."

you swallow. you consider kicking him and running off, but you had genuinely enjoyed your afternoon and that'd be a waste. so, hesitantly, you did as you had planned.

his hand was warm, and there was no further chat until you arrived.

you were at the doorstep, saying your goodbyes.

"keep going, yeah?" he giggles right before leaving. "i'm expecting a kiss next time!"

"wha-"

it's up to determine wether he got it or not.

TIGHNARI

QODIAHUSBSUSJS AAAAAAA

OKOK HEAR ME OUT

you're a forest ranger too

so you two conveniently go on patrol together

who could've guessed?

even before you dated. consider that as his form of courting.

but but! the moment you two are official tho!!

he'll hold your hand constantly <3

its perfect because he's NOT a pda person. so he has his three favourite things together.

privacy, the forest, and you:)

expect collei to look beyond awkward whenever she catches you two having the slightest moment of physical affection in front of her

she loves you two and is very supportive !! she just does NOT know what to do with herself.

also HOLDING HANDS TO ASSERT DOMINANCE/hj

and by this i mean Very Obviously putting your intertwined hands over the table as you have dinner with cyno and collei

cyno: *🤨*

collei: *small politely and nod yall*

"...what clothes do clouds wear?" cyno reads from his (terrifying) book as you swallow your bite out of your pita pocket. he then proceeds to look straight at tighnari, who is currently two seconds away from jumping out of the window. "thunderwear."

the situation was so weird you couldn't help giggling a bit, covering your face with your free hand. at your side, tighnari's grip became a bit tighter. "unbelievable" he grits his teeth. and at that, you laugh harder.

you teased him for that dumb "jealous" episode for WEEKS. my man wanted to disappear from the face of teyvat.

on another note. his gloves.

they look so squishy idk how to say this.

the pads?? are like a jelly-esque material?? maybe slime condensant or whatever its called

so you can expect his bare hands to be SOFT. AND PRETTY. BECAUSE HE NEVER GOES OUT WITHOUT PROPER PROTECTION.

(as he should)

most likely the best hands in genshin together with albedo and maybe scaramouche?? nah scratch that pantalone must have the best manicure in the world

back on point. his nails are kinda pointy (he is a fox so it is to be expected) so DO NOT ask him to scratch your back. he'll say no anyway but beware.

it'll be more painful than satisfying. does not fully count if you're a masochist.

anyways. he enjoys physical touch wayyy more than he'd like to admit.

hand holding isn't enough he wants you to pet his ears and spoon him (partner privilege what can i say)

tighnari's generally stern disposition was a challenge during the "chase" phase of the relationship. for the both of you.

on the one hand, there were your compliments and your not-so-secret intention to win him over.

on the other hand, he blatantly refused to flirt back, but still managed to flirt back.

you know the difference?

like, never once in a million years would he see his crush and say "you look amazing, darling. are you free tonight?" and wink.

BUT he will say "that shade of green is nice." and oh so conveniently need your help writing some stuff down.

("paperwork. nothing too interesting" he'll say when questioned. "mind your business" is what he means.)

you learn to pick up on it. and he learns to be more bold.

you let him hold your hand the first time.

he's not that fond of physical touch, and you didn't want to cross his boundaries, so you let him take those steps.

it was a warm summer night in sumeru. the kind of warm in which the breeze is pleasant and no jacket is needed.

you were stargazing and pointing out constellations together,

and he just. went for it.

"hold my hand" he said without looking at you. it wasn't that much of a statement, because the softness in his tone made it sound like a suggestion.

a smile appears on your face while your insides tickle, and you feel a bit ridiculous for being so excited over something so simple. "as you wish" you teasingly say, taking hold of his hand.

the lack of light makes it hard to read his expression, or see if he's blushing.

a thousand questions race in your head, mixed with worries and things you'd like to say

all of them dissipate when he interlaces your fingers.

DAINSLEIF

well first of all

he's very,,,

devoted

by which i mean you are his moon and stars

he'll BATHE YOU in affection.

he wouldn't even entertain the idea of dating someone he doesn't trust completely and/or hasn't been with him for a long time

you make him soft lol,,,, use that info however you want

he does the thumb rubbing thing!!! a king fr

ah and he's not taking off his gloves. because of the curse, his skin is probably a bit unsettling to see?

so is yours, considering you share his condition.

he isn't that into physical touch, though. and even less into pda.

so there's three situations in which he holds your hand:

while walking around alone, when you're nervous or scared, and in the intimacy of your home

it's on the quiet days around teyvat that he doesn't wanna let go

it's standing before the enemy, which haunts you two like prey, that he reminds you he would never let go

and it's while sleeping, huddled together, that he holds you close to him and intertwines your fingers<3

like i sad, no pda.

he might make an exception if it's the traveller with you, but uhh not really...???

hes so awkward about it too like-- it can get funny sometimes.

like one time he held you by the waist when you visited stormterror's lair and paimon just commented on it

had he been not so stoic he might have jumped away from you like his instincts yelled

and she didn't even say anything weird. maybe something like "you look good together!" or "huh?! you like him?!"

she adores you so she's very much Confused™ by your taste

give her time she'll get over it

but you get it, really. the picture of dainsleif she has could never compare to yours.

you still remember, all those centuries ago, when you took a leap of faith and pulled him to the dancefloor.

well, not exactly a dancefloor, but more of a 𝒹𝒶𝓃𝒸𝓮𝒻𝓁ℴℴ𝓻 ???

yeah like . elegant.

he was the dainsleif, and you were just. you

i mean babe ur great and all but hes like the strongest (and hottest lets be honest) guy in khaenri'ah. good luck!!

some friends encouraged you. this was a big celebration!! the eclipse dynasty and its descendants rarely ever organized parties. not in their home, at least.

so after months of watching the twilight sword from afar, you finally had a chance (although slim) of approaching him

so you got ready (best clothes, best accesories, and a lengthy skincare session) and when some animated music started to play, it was your chance

"you got this!" your friends said. "yeah, you look stunning! he's saying yes for sure!"

he's talking with some colleagues and the rush of adrenaline slowly leaves you,

but oh no! it's too late. you've made eye contact and he's two meters away from you.

"breathe, calm down" you tell yourself. your steps become wobbly but the resolution doesn't leave your features.

dainsleif looks surprised when you stop in front of him, and the guy he was chatting with (who you recognize as halfdan, one of his most loyal underlings) elbows him with a smile before excusing himself in a teasing tone

"may i help you?" he asks. oh god, his voice always makes your insides tickle. you open and close your mouth before pursuing your lips and speaking in a more... assured tone.

"yes. i was wondering if you'd like to... to dance with me?" you chuckle nervously as dain gapes at you, clearly shocked. "i mean! you probably have better things to do and... you are probably very uncomfortable right now. uh, sorry! i'll just leave-"

"i'd love to" he interrupts with a small smile. "also, you look very beautiful today, (y/n)."

"oh." you beam, holding his wrist gently. "thanks. you, uh, you always look beautiful." as you guide him among the other couples, you swear you can hear some knights cheering.

and the rest is history :')

side note: forgot to mention you were freaking out because "OH MY GOD HE KNOWS MY NAME?? HE KNOWS OF ME EXISTING???? AND HE. SAID. YES??????"

however, with dain, life's not sunshine and rainbows.

he trusts you, of course, and he loves you even more

but he still refuses to ask for comfort. no matter how many times you make him understand your feelings for him, he just doesn't seem to understand a word.

sometimes you face his walls and are struck by a sudden wave of disappointment.

it's not like you want to know every thought and emotion that crosses him, but communication can be hard sometimes.

like when he had jumped into the abyss without a care in the world.

you are angry, of course. you had been sick with worry, crying and pacing and lucky in the few nights you had been able to sleep.

he had (conveniently) reappeared next to the traveler, inside the chasm (or at least that was what he told you). from that point on, the story became more twisted.

but his voice was so groggy as he told you, and his eyes were peering at you with so much tiredness, you couldn't help taking his hands in yours and resting his body against you.

"i'm sorry." he repeated over and over, becoming more desperate each time. lacking the strength to even straighten his back, he barely mustered the energy to slightly squeeze your hands.

"let's rest for a while, yes? i'm just happy that you're back."

he's so grateful for everything you do :(

being with him would be living in a hurt/(no?) comfort fic 24/7 actually lol i kinda wanna cry

being with him takes effort, resilience, and overall, it's hard

though as he links your fingers and his eyes fill with sheer devotion and adoration, you think it's all worth it :')

#☀️.writing #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #ayato x reader #ayato x you #gorou x you #gorou x reader #venti x reader #venti x you #kazuha x you #kazuha x reader #heizou x reader #heizou x you #tighnari x reader #tighnari x you #dainsleif x reader #dainsleif x you

2K notes · View notes

jelicoxoxo · 7 months

Text

TWST CHARACTERS AS CATS

Summary: Your favorite had embarrassingly made a mistake in potionology class, which ultimately resulted in them turning into a cat! They hunt you down to care for them, escaping their usual routine for the day.

Warnings: N/A. Can be seen platonic or romantic, OC friendly. No proofread cause i’ll wanna delete it

A/N: Im cutting this into separate parts by dorms and in order

and good lord i barely had any idea what to do with trey but I PULLED THROUGH Y’ALL🙏

———————

(Heartslabyul) (Savanaclaw) (Octavinelle) (Scarabia) (Pomefiore) (Ignihyde) (Diasomnia)

————

RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS

- the prettiest Siberian cat with the SOFTEST fur.

- He wasn’t even the one making the potion, some heartslabyul students messed theirs up and SPILLED it on him. You can imagine how pissed he was. He wanted to yell “off with your heads!” at the two that did it and everyone that laughed, but his magic was utterly useless as long as he was a cat. He hated it.

- The second class was over he was running out the classroom and down the hall, stressing poor trey over for a while until he gave up looking, but he didn’t know that Riddle had made his way straight to you.

- You assumed it was someone’s pet that somehow got on campus, noticing that he was to… clean… to be a stray. You gave him a name yourself, and best believe he gave you the most judgmental look every time you tried calling him by it.

- Matter of fact, he was extremely judgmental over everything. He refused to eat any of the cat food you offered him, but stared at you as you ate your own human food. This staring eventually turned into him pawing the air at your food, and he continued this until you made him his own bowl of whatever you had.

- Will be offended if you swat at him and say no.

- Doesn’t really like being picked up or carried, and wont sit in your lap unless you put him there. Usually he’ll jump out your arms after tolerating it for 5 seconds max, and leave your lap after 20.

-But when it was time for bed, you noticed how he curled up right beside you on your nightstand, which he felt it would be disrespectful to take advantage of his cat form and sleep beside you in your bed.

- It was funny seeing him fall off of it when he turned back, and even more when he tried explaining himself through stutters and a red face.

TREY CLOVER

- “Pleaasseee [Name]! He’ll behave, i swear!” Cater was literally begging you to watch trey after explaining the situation to you, to busy with assignments he “accidentally” let pile up.

- Trey was a shorthair calico, laying any and everywhere he could. He is taking advantage of this opportunity to sleep in as much as possible and escape having to do anything.

- you know the type of cat that sniffs your mouth and makes that horrified face afterwards? yeah, thats him. except he’s actually horrified and lost his ability to control his facial expressions (no he didn’t)

- Such a sweetheart outside of that, let you put a tie on him but thats it, wont sit still for you to do anything else.

- Not a talkative cat, but has a deep ass meow for whatever reason.

-Will join you on the counter if he sees you baking something, just watching you bake and being your taste tester.

- Trey will pur and do biscuits on your pillows and blankets, doesn’t mind being cuddled and carried but eventually will move.

- When he turned back, he was sitting on your coffee table and BROKE it. Had to buy you a new one.

CATER DIAMOND

- He’s just the prettiest Norwegian forest cat, SUPER photogenic.

- He also immediately made his way to you, wanting to show off his pretty fluffy tail and adorable green eyes. He walked with the sassiest cat walk, and posed every chance he got.

- Will let you dress him up, and lets you put the colorful caps on his nails like they’re painted. Loves getting his fur brushed and sun bathing, its so bad he probably should’ve just been in Pomefiore

- Doesn’t knock anything over purposely, but definitely does accidentally when he’s trying to fit his fluffy ass on your tables, counters, and nightstands.

- fur. EVERYWHERE. You had used up 3 whole lint rollers that day. It didn’t make it any better that he’d purposefully go and rub himself all over you right after you finish lint-rolling yourself too. And when he’s done attacking your clothes, he’ll prance away with pride. He’s enjoying his time as a cat TO much.

- But its okay, because eventually he gets tired of it, just wanting to do things by himself and in his human body again— like telling you what he wants, taking a shower, doing his own hair, and scrolling through his own phone.

-He sits on your chest watching your magicam feed, purring as he slowly drifted off to sleep. You didn’t want to wake him, so you let him sleep, gently running your fingertips down his head.

-you SCREAMED when he turned back human right on top of you.

-Posts any pictures you took of him on magicam <3

ACE TRAPPOLA

- now you and I both know he’s gonna be orange.

- He was at your place IMMEDIATELY. I love Ace to death, but he’s a little shit. knocking stuff off shelves and tables, hiding under things to attack your ankles when you walk by, and don’t be the person that enjoys knitting or crochet because he WILL fuck up your yarn.

- and NOTHING works on this mf, not orange peels, not tin foil, nothing. and he DARES you to spray him with water, because he can and will fight back with no shame.

- steals your food, judges you, swats and bites, gives you hell. But theres one thing that saved you, and thats finally getting on the floor and playing with him.

-You went and bought some toys, which he didn’t mess anything up while you where gone. He enjoyed playing with you for a good hour or two, and even sat and watched whatever drama you where watching with you. The drama was the only thing that got Ace to stop being a menace to society, he watched it till he fell asleep, sprawled out on the couch cushion that he was fat enough to completely take up (after stealing YOUR food).

- You went to bed without waking him up, and came back to his human self still asleep on your couch, not even surprised that it was him all along as you placed a blanket over him.

DEUCE SPADE

- A blue scottish fold. I don’t make the rules.

- Ace brought him to you scared that Riddle would find out, saying he’d look for someone that could turn him back while you watched him and dipped.

- Deuce actually was really decent as a cat, all he did was nap and play with whatever toys you got him. He sucked it up and ate whatever you offered him, and even let you stuff him in a bag and carry him everywhere as long as he got to stick his head out and see.

- Although, eventually he’ll get curious and take the opportunity to actually see what it felt like to do typical cat things.

- He knocked exactly one item over, and that was your pencil while you where doing homework. He climbed a tree and got stuck, to scared to jump down, he yowled and cried till you found him. He made biscuits for the first time, purred and nudged at your hand, squeezed himself through the tiniest spaces, just did typical cat things.

- absolutely refused to use a litter box though. that was the one thing he was not going to do for you. But after falling in the toilet (twice), he settled for doing his business behind a bush and burying it with dirt.

- When he finally turned back to normal, you woke up to him fixing something you had complained about being broken, muttering to himself as he put pieces back together. He apologized to you so much, feeling guilty that you had to take care of him.

- oh yeah Riddle still found out.

175 notes · View notes

fireemblems24 · 4 months

Text

Azure Gleam - Special Chapters

Spoilers for the special chapters below.

SHEZ VS BYLETH

I didn't get the special chapter for SB or GW. SB, I just straight up did not care. GW, I tried, but it involved an "escort Claude" part and he just sat there and didn't move forward, and I didn't care enough to bother with the chapter a second time.

Shez sounds like Arval. Did Arval take Shez over? I'm guessing to go after Sothis?

Oh, cut scene! Shez vs Byleth again.

Byleth holding his own against Arval!Shez. Good to see. Shez is trying to hold Arval back though.

So . . . if we kick out Arval out in these chapters, does Shez loose their abilities/special class, because no :(((((

Felix, Dedue, and Dimitri are worrying about Shez and Byleth (also, awesome to see all my favs). Rodrigue has news about what happened.

Scouts report that Byleth and Shez are fighting. Felix accuses that Dimitri suspected this.

Dimitri tells how Shez worried that TWSITD would take over her. And Dimitri's promise to kill Shez to stop her from killing others.

Oh, we cut straight to the battle and have to defeat Shez. Makes sense. I'm guessing do it before Byleth dies?

My Shez is, eh, a bit stronger than Byleth, so I'm a bit worried. But Dimitri's such an overkill at this point, he's just going to blaze through this chapter like he did the last one.

It's weird not having Shez among my playable characters. I'm using Jeralt instead of Shez for my missing 8th person because he's the highest level (and I can't use Byleth either so).

Edelgard is around somewhere? Claude showed up to hunt her down.

My Byleth is like 10 levels below Shez. It's not going well.

Atrocity is one hell of a drug. Took Shez out.

Defeating Solon feels good. Got a cut scene too. He just ran away though. Wait, Arval/Shez killed Solon? Ohhh, like Solon killed Kyrona. A sacrifice is needed to open Zaharas. Karma I guess.

Claude and Dimitri talking is kinda cool. And weird Edelgard showed up. It's so amusing to me that they wrote themselves into such a corner with Edelgard they just yeeted her brain lamo.

ZAHRAS

Arval is talking to Arval.

Dark Arval created Normal Arval because Dark Arval wanted typical TWSITD nonsense, domination, restore the world to TWSITD, etc . . .

And in the most shocking twist, Normal Arval is programmed to kill Sothis, so therefore Byleth, and while Arval took over Shez.

Oh, Shez woke up! And Claude's there with Dimitri.

So they all got sent to this Zahras place.

Shez doesn't have a lot of memory of what just happened, and tells Claude and Dimitri about Arval, who's gone though.

Now they have to find a way out of this mess.

Dimitri found Edelgard. Since there's like 4 people, no one plans on fighting each other until they get out. Then it's time to kill people.

So Edelgard doesn't remember what happened and got some spell cast on her by TWSITD.

Claude cheerily tells her what a fuck up her country is lamo.

There's this mini map with the 3 lords just standing there, chilling, in this dark abyss place. It's pretty funny looking.

All my other units are gone, but I expected that. Dimitri's my most overpowered unit anyways.

DIMITRI & CLAUDE

Is this like some kind of support?

So AG Claude wants to get rid of the central church and kill Rhea. Like, I'm down for removing any sort of political power from a religious institution, but this fixation on Rhea is weird.

Lamo, is this game serious? Did it really just blame nobility and arrange marriage on Rhea?? OMG.

I knew Claude went completely dodo bird in this game, but he somehow became even more of an idiot?

I'm kind of impressed lol.

He drank the Edelgard koolaide.

Dimitri's like, well, as long as you just dislike the church and not Faerghus.

It's interesting for Dimitri to acknowledge that his personal beliefs and his beliefs as a king are sometimes at war.

He also lays out why Claude's plan is an awful idea. Meaning, all the death and suffering he'll cause.

It's just a classic, Claude is too rash - Dimitri is too cautious.

Claude tells Dimitri that he's too good for him. And that they could've been friends if kingly stuff didn't get in the way.

It's overall a fine support, except this absurd idea that the church is solely responsible for stuff human nature always comes up with, and I think it's more a symptom of a huge flaw in the Fodlan games as a whole than anything else.

DIMITRI & EDELGARD

Dimitri finds it hard to talk to Edelgard because of all the people she's caused the death of. But way more polite.

Edelgard doesn't feel that way. Which, not surprised. She doesn't really care too much about the people who've died like he does.

Lamo, she also is way less polite and is like "you don't want to talk to the tyrant who's gotten everyone killed." See, though, it's acknowledgements like this that make me like this game more. She knows that's what she looks like to everyone not in Adrestia.

Dimitri gets annoyed with her for placing words in his mouth. And good for him. That's always annoying.

Edelgard is less confident than Dimitri that he has no regrets of his actions and carefully considered all of them.

Oh, good, Dimitri asks about Patricia. But Edelgard doesn't know what happened either. So, still no answers about her.

Dimitri wants to just end the conversation. I am loving how much he really doesn't want to talk to her. It's so different from Claude who he was curious about.

She falls down because dark magic place does it's thing, then helps her stand up, and they get a picture, which is cool.

It reminds her of when she fell once and took the help without thinking about it. Now she thinks about it.

Dimitri remembers helping a girl up.

I see where this is going, but it's funny such a mundane thing will trigger important memories, lamo.

Edelgard is like, yeah, knowing you, you probably helped a lot of people get up who fell down.

I'm living for these supports acknowledging that Dimitri's a way better person than the other two lol.

He's like, naw, it was you. Edelgard keeps insisting it wasn't her.

He calls her El at the end.

Is this the same support in SB? It works for AG, but man, this asshole just killed Sylvain (and Annette, and Gilbert, and Ingrid, and Rodrigue, and tons of other people from Faerghus simply bc she wants that land back), so I'd be furious seeing it there.

In AG, though, it makes sense.

BACK TO THE CHAPTER

Dimitri's the only one who asks about Shez's wellbeing. Does their dialogue change in different routes?

Oh, cool, I had some access to stuff like the blacksmith, which makes no sense, but ok.

Bad Arval showed up behind Shez, but she alludes it.

Arval says none can escape. But I doubt it.

Dimitri's like, that's bullshit, bc there's no way they'd build this without a way out, and if they can get out, so can we.

And then Dimitri's proved right when Arval says he'll leave, alone.

Ok, I learned this other Arval's name, but I am not going to spell all of that.

So like, after this, do they all just go back to war? Because if they do . . . lol.

They let you use all the 3 lords, but I'll probably only use Shez and Dimitri. Neither Edelgard nor Claude impressed me much when I started this game (and at the time I started, I liked Claude a lot more than I do now).

Oh, so a dark Hubert, Hilda, and Felix showed up. A bit sad it wasn't Dedue, though. I feel like he deserved to be the BL rep even if Felix is more popular. But maybe it was for variety? Like Dedue is another axe like Hilda, but then switch Claude's people out.

At the same time, Felix makes sense, esp in Hopes. He and Dimitri are practically married lol.

Dimitri's like, that's not Felix. He wouldn't get mad at me for doing this and not avenging people. He's not wrong.

Ohhh, not they're fighting phantom versions of themselves.

They had some throwaway lines explaining why Edelgard is normal now.

Lamo, Edelgard doesn't trust herself.

Meanwhile . . . Dimitri . . . is like, really excited about this. Because he gets to kill a version of himself. :((((

Claude's line wasn't as interesting as the other two. I know. Shocking. /s

Dimitri wants to thank Arval for letting him fight and kill himself. I cannot with this man.

Evil Claude just about totaled regular Claude. Edelgard isn't scratched though.

Edelgard and Claude were way more normal about reactions to fighting themselves lol.

I had to make Claude an adjunct. He was nearly dead. It's actually surprising how much worse he is than Edelgard. (Dimitri's not fair to rate against them since he's more built out and not dropped into this map for a one-time battle).

Ok, he summoned more dudes to protect him, and one was a Shez copy the other Dedue. So Dedue got credit too. So now I'm less conflicted about Felix making an appearance.

Shez is upset at fighting herself.

Dimitri feels awful about fighting the shades this time. He's only motivated by all the people he's kept alive in real life.

I defeated Epimedes. That seemed too easy.

Cut scene fight between Shez and Epi. It's pretty badass looking in the dark magic place with falling rocks everywhere. Like, in a cheesy but just roll with it way.

Shez wins. Arval pops back up and they almost hold hands. Arval's never felt more alone :( Honestly, kinda sad things end badly for them. So not recruiting Byleth gives Arval a better ending? Will Arval not be there in the final map before the final battle?

They escaped!

Dimitri's like "it felt like a strange fever dream" and honestly, not a bad way to describe it.

They lost Edelgard and are we back to the normal stuff? Oh, no Shez asks to go back to the search for her and the others. Claude wants to get back to his people too.

Ok, so moving onto the final chapter now.

xxx

#azure gleam #fire emblem #fire emblem three hopes #three hopes #three hopes spoilers #azure gleam spoilers

57 notes · View notes

ceasarslegion · 14 days

Note

wait, now im really interested in the silica gel drama. how did hlrp sex ed lead to eating a gel packet?

This is going to require a novel's length of context.

To begin, I want to underline that this is not meant to be a callout post, and I will not be providing any identifying traits that could be used to single this person out. The most you will get out of that are she/her pronouns, and her age at the time this happened, which was years ago, and I will not specify what year. I genuinely do hope she got the help she needed after this, because LORD knows she needs it and didn't find it at home. This is also not meant to be a character assassination, nor should anybody who reads this post consider it to be a takedown of any sort, and if you try to find this person through me or any of our mutual friends, you will not be met with kind words. The only thing this is meant to be is a wild-ass story of some of the most off the wall experiences I personally had with this person from my specific side of the story, with a few no-username screenshots attached to prove I am not bullshitting you.

With that in mind, let's get started. This is going to be very long, so I'm throwing in a read more

Back when I was in uni, I joined a growing group of Half Life roleplay blogs. The whole idea of our group was that we each chose a character, canon or OC, and we would blog as if the pre-Black Mesa incident moment in the timeline was a workplace comedy a la The Office or Superstore. I played Barney, because I was already working night shift security at this point and thought it would be funny. Plus, it gave me something to do that wasn't staring at CCTV feeds all night tossing a ball against the wall. We played off of each other very well, yes-anding our way through funny little situations and plotlines we put together. At one point we had roleplayed enough that one of the scientist rpers created a discord server for us to talk as the actual people we are instead of through characters.

Great idea at the time. None of us saw the "Pandora's box" label on the tin before we opened it. Would I still join it if I knew what was about to transpire? Yes, because I met my boyfriend and many genuinely lovely friends through it. Would I hesitate for a second first, though, as the events that are about to transpire flashed before my eyes? Oh, abso-fucking-lutely.

We started off as many fandom servers do: chill for the most part, very loud minority of a few assholes who ruined it for the rest of us, but unlike most fandom servers, we actually won and it ended in them getting banned and the server itself surviving to this day. But the other two lunatics are not who you came here for. You want the christian lunatic.

Let's give her a nickname to make this easier. I have the Sylveon build a bear on my PC desk. Let's call her Syl.

Syl was not there for Half Life, she was there for Portal. She LOVED Portal, Half Life was just part of the same universe for her. Portal wasn't just a game for her, it was her entire personality. Which I didn't see much of an issue with at the time, because she said she was 15. Whatever, I thought; she'll learn to control her emotional attachment to things as she gets older. Syl also said that she was christian. I am a flaming atheist who doesn't even believe in the concept of a soul in comparison and I am NOT the biggest fan of christianity as an institution to put it mildly, but I'm not gonna like, be a dick to you for your personal religion if you are not a dick about my beliefs, so I didn't think much of it at the time.

It quickly became apparent that Syl looked up to me more than any of the other adults in the group the more I would talk about my life growing up as a third culture kid and moving out on my own at 19, working 2 jobs and going to a good university. She would ask me a lot about growing up and uni and moving out and yes, sex ed, and it became even more apparent that she didn't get any actual guidance from her parents or pastors or ANYBODY beyond bible studies and homeschooling, so I kinda stumbled into a mentorship role in her life. I wasn't cold, but I was aware of the age and maturity difference between us and established the appropriate boundaries with her and made it very clear that I am an internet friend, not an irl friend or an educator, but if no one else was going to give her information that wasn't actively harmful then fuck, I guess SOMEONE had to do it. I could not in good conscience watch some kid go through life with harmful inaccuracies about the world and basic human biology when I could have done something about it, y'know?

And the more things I taught her about the real world and how things actually work rather than how her republican bible-thumping rural town said they did, the more I realized she was born into a full-blown cult under the guise of a christian congregation. Oh goody, I had my work cut out for me. I will not get into the details of how messed up this group was because it will be a dead giveaway of where she lives and potentially who she is, but let's just say that one time I said that I appreciated the gesture of praying for me during a stressful week I was having but it didn't really do anything for my mental health because I was an atheist, and she sent me a bunch of bible verses begging me to start believing and said "I just don't want you to go to hell because you're so nice :((" EXCUSE ME??? Another time she said that death was only sad for non-christians because their loved ones were in hell and that proper christians deaths were a good thing because they were in heaven now. Hi, that's the most insensitive death cult shit I've ever heard in my goddamn life.

Okay, set up is done. All of these details will tie in like the world's worst reboot of Pulp Fiction, I prommy.

After a good long while learning about the world from me (which like... a uni kid working night shift security is not exactly an academic source but we take what we can get) and exposure to viewpoints outside of her in-group, Syl began that very painful journey of realizing that what the cult taught you was a lie. Except that she just wasn't grasping that unlearning things was an active process. She started to flip to the opposite side very quickly, but kept all the fundamental brainwashing of the cult that raised her. The concepts were all the same, just slapped a different label on them. This created a noticeable pull between two sides of the same personality: the cult personality, and the person beyond the cult who wanted to break free. Mix that with how fucking 15 years old every 15 year old is, and you have a LETHAL concoction just waiting to blow up at the first sign of a spark.

Remember how I said that Portal was her whole personality? Syl decided that she wanted to be a scientist, and go into an ivy league program like I was in (I was in a SOCIAL science, but sure). Problem was, she didn't have the grades or the ambition, really. I had told her that I still got into an ivy league when I failed math in high school, and she seemed to completely miss the part where I said that I also joined every extra-curricular, then worked for 2 gap years for recognized institutions, and wrote an essay about why my math grade is not relevant to my program. I did it with one bad grade, so she was justified in basically just slacking off and then excusing it with "but its haaarrrdd" when we'd tell her she needs to put the fucking work in NOW if that's what she wants to do.

It quickly derailed from here. Not only was she going to be a scientist, she was going to be like Cave Johnson. And she was going to... replace her body with robot parts so she could be like glados. I don't... think she actually knew what science is, because she would just publically fantasize about running unethical experiments on people in the name of "science," and talk about how one day she wants to basically establish aperture labs for real. All of us who were there kind of agree that we don't think she was joking based on what we knew about her and the cadence of her tone. Here's something she said at the time to give you an idea of what direction she was nosediving in:

This was after a session with her therapist where said therapist said that she definitely has some kind of personality disorder, after which she was weirdly proud of having one and treated it like a badge of honour.

Syl then made a separate group chat for all the best friends she made on the server. There was her, me, @false-pyre, and @imtheaura. She titled it "My Family," despite the fact that we were all adults and she was 15 and she only knew us over a discord half life server where one person in it stepped up to somewhat equip her for real life outside of a cult. Regardless though that GC was more the vibe of a group of friends sharing memes and chatting about the day than the wider server was at the time. The others began to also take on a sort of mentorship role towards her as well, because that's kind of inevitable when you get someone talking about teenager problems in a room full of adults who all made the same mistakes before in their own lives. Well, minus the cult.

And remember how I said that she didn't unlearn any of the cult shit? Well, there was a lot of proselytizing. She decided she wasn't christian for a spell, but still wanted us and everyone to know that jesus was the lord and savior and we had to accept him or we'd burn in hell. Usually said after we'd make some joke about satan being daddy or declaring ourselves god instead, because that is just the type of humor the others and i have with each other. She took it so personally whenever one of us would go "oh my god" "you called?" it was fucking annoying. I lost count of the amount of lectures she gave us, all of which I'd shut down and tell her to get a grip about because I have a big stupid mouth.

The others and I also like to talk about evolution, and speculate about where we're going from here. My fucking god, did she not like that. She bit our heads off about how evolution isn't real and god made everyone as we are and there's no scientific evidence or whatever the hell. Like yeah good luck getting into STEM with that mindset. Whenever we pointed out that she was objectively wrong about that, she'd have a big stupid meltdown about how much we're slandering god and how jesus died for us and we're spitting in his face or whatever. He should spit in MY face inste-*GUNSHOT*

Eventually, we were making some actual progress with her. She was still one fry short of a happy meal and going off about how much she wanted to put living subjects in test tubes in between knocking on our doors and reciting Hello from the Book of Mormon musical, but we were getting somewhere. And then she went back to in person school, and her favourite teacher got fired.

The schoolboard did not say why she got fired, but we all had our suspicions that it was because she openly supported queer rights in a cult town. She was coincidentally retired shortly after making a declaration that queer people are still welcome in god's kingdom. This teacher was the first in person adult Syl had for guidance, so that incident shook her to her core, and she fell right back into the extremism. Hook, line, and sinker, even more extreme than before.

She was WEIRD that week, man. Suddenly everything was about how great god was, how amazing jesus was. Suddenly she understood why her cult member parents "just wanted to protect her" from gay characters on disney+ originals. Suddenly no one could say "jesus christ lol" around her or she'd have a fit. I said "I hate cycle counts lmao i wanna kms" because my then-job (I had graduated at this point) made me do inventory management spontaneously and wouldn't let me go home until I had counted every product in the store, and she bit my head off accusing me of turning suicide into a joke.

It was that incident that made us tell her to knock it off already, that we understood it was a hard week for her and she was in a period of grief, but that is no excuse for how she had been acting towards everyone around her that wasnt christian, and that she was actively relapsing. I'll let the exchange speak for itself:

So uh. After years of helping Syl through this she goes and pulls this bullshit. And then has the fucking AUDACITY to act like nothing ever happened in the wider server. I am genuinely gobsmacked by the balls on her to act like it was all sunshine and rainbows in the wider server after sending this and immediately leaving the same GC SHE made and titled "My Family" just because we told her to stop acting like a goddamn Jonestown citizen after all the work we'd put in to get her out of that mentality at this point.

So I dragged her up in front of everyone and essentially said "no, nuh uh, you don't get to say that shit to the people who have lost sleep and asked for nothing in return trying to help you escape a cult over the last 2 years and then act like we're all buddy buddy to everybody else. You don't get to be that arrogant and self-righteous without any consequences. I don't give a fuck how young you are, you DON'T treat the people who have helped you this much like that, you selfish little shit. How dare you treat us like this after all we've done for you over the years."

Unfortunately, no one involved had surviving screenshots of this, but they can back me up on it if they so choose. And oh boy, DID she face the consequences of her own actions. The whole server basically turned their heads and went "what the FUCK is wrong with you, Syl??" and asked her to at least like, apologize. She proceeded to double down with the added audacity of "you guys taught me how to establish healthy boundaries, that's all I'm doing right now :(( oh woe is me :(((" like WOW, okay. Someone's really going for the persecution complex.

Here's her last goodbye to us all before the mass block fest occured:

Oh, boohoo. You're so hard done by. You spat in the faces of everyone who stayed up all night multiple times helping you through crises and spent the last 2 years teaching you about how the world really worked and then they asked you to apologize after you tried to escape accountability. You truly are god's strongest soldier, the most persecuted minority in the world. Let me play you an ode to how righteous and holy you are and how this was the most important hill to sacrifice all your outsider friendships on on the world's smallest violin.

Syl then went on to post on her roleplay blog that she "was banned because I spoke up for what was right, and they didn't like that" before deleting it. Truly no one has suffered as much as you.

Anyway, the day after that went down, I called in from work, bought this book, and read the whole thing purely out of spite:

It was greatly therapeutic. After that incident, I vowed to never sanitize my own atheistic beliefs for the benefit of others again. If they don't like them, they don't have to talk to me. But I am not changing them for other people or keeping them quiet just to spare your feelings anymore, I have as much a right to my beliefs as anyone else does, including the world's most persecuted minority here.

And well, the silica gel incident?

There was one incident, during the height of Syl's "I am the irl cave johnson and only want to get into STEM to conduct unethical experiments on people. follow jesus" era, the rest of us were joking about how silica gel packets are the ultimate forbidden snack, and said "haha would eating it make you see shrimp colours" knowing full well it can kill you.

Syl proceeded to actually eat a silica gel packet and then send in "it has a sandy texture and tastes bad" prompting the rest of us to go "WE WERE FUCKING JOKING FIND YOUR POISON CONTROL HOTLINE RIGHT NOW"

And because i didnt get this done until now, I'll tag everyone who said they wanted to read this or expressed interest: @captainjonnitkessler @formydarlingtoread @cra-zwizard @chasingnightrainbows

#ramblings #what do i even tag this

41 notes · View notes

ordinaryschmuck · 4 months

Text

What I Quickly Thought about What If...? Season Two

For those who don’t know, I’m one of the few people who actually enjoyed What If…? Season One for what it was. Did it take advantage of telling interesting tales with the MCU, giving us intense glimpses of these universes that showed us what COULD HAVE been? Not all the time. Was it still good dumb fun? To me it was. And that’s pretty much what What If…?, as a concept, was, even in the comics. Yeah, you got interesting stuff like “What if Spider-Man never became a crime fighter?” or “What if Daredevil was raised by The Kingpin?” but it also had stuff like “What if the Original Marvel Bullpen Became the Fantastic Four?” or “What if Sargent Fury Fought World War Two in Outer Space?” The comics were less about high-concepts and more about writers doing whatever the hell they wanted with the Marvel Universe and being able to have fun with it because, well, none of it was canon. The same applied to the MCU’s What If…?, as it was a chance for the writers to do a murder mystery with the Avengers or make T’Challa fix the universe as Star-Lord. They can kill characters, make dumb(er) jokes, and play around with the heroes and villains in the MCU like they were action figures. And I’m into that. Don’t get me wrong, I would love more episodes like “What if…Doctor Strange lost his heart instead of his hands?” or “What if…Ultron won?” as they DO have a lot of great moments and show off what these characters are capable of than what the movies/shows proved. But at the same time, I didn’t mind watching the big buff lady that is Captain Carter kill Nazis or watch Spider-Man and a band of heroes try to survive a zombie apocalypse. It’s a show where everyone is meant to just sit back, turn their brain off, and have some fun while occasionally getting something interesting. Again, just like the comics.

So when Season Two got announced, I was genuinely excited. I like Season One and I wanted more of it. Then when the trailer came out with an episode list, I thought, “Okay, this could be the show embracing comic book wackiness.” Now, not a lot of people were into that…In fact, the majority said that a lot of these concepts weren’t even interesting and were, instead, kind of lame. I don’t get it, maybe because I’m in the exact mindset the MCU wants me to have with this series, but I was still looking forward to Season Two. The question is, was it worth it? Well, let’s quickly go over each episode to find out.

Spoilers Ahead

What If…Nebula Joined the Nova Corps?: Ooooooooh, what a great start. Watching Nebula act as a cop/detective, but with her cold, deadpan badassery still intact was a ton of fun in this dark, gritty setting made for this new version of her. I loved watching this new version of Nebula make her way through a darkened Xandar, with her never straying from this oath and acting as it should be intended, all while teaming up with Howard the Duck of all characters. Like, I kind of enjoy seeing Howard turn out to be this sleazy casino owner who treats Nebula as a true friend despite them working on opposite ends of the law. The concept itself is funny and execution is endearing with Seth Green giving much needed charm to the character. It’s part of the fun of What If…?: Showing characters who couldn’t interact in the movies or didn’t have much screen time and allowing them another chance to shine…Unfortunately, that’s not always a good thing. Because while I love seeing a character like Howard make a surprisingly good comeback, watching Yon-Rog, one of the more boring MCU villains, show up and lack any intrigue or fun is just…no. And then there’s Nova Prime who decided to betray the entire Corp by taking down the force field…Something that was HER idea to do and, given the pull she had, could have done at any point. Why string Nebula along when Nova Prime could have just made the ruling herself that the force field needed to be taken down? A friend of mine tried explaining how it could make sense, but I don’t know. It doesn’t change this weird got while watching. But while flawed, it was pretty cool to see this new setting in the MCU, carried by Nebula as the Super Nova (Love that name, by the way. It’s perfect). The plot has a big ol’ hole, not every character return works, but it gave me a half-hour of fun so I’m not complaining (Get used to that thought process, by the way).

What If…Peter Quill Attacked Earth’s Mightiest Heroes?: And this one’s a little rough around the edges. It’s fun to see this alternate version of the Avengers form to fight a Peter Quill who has Ego’s powers, but it feels like the entire episode is on fast-forward, almost like this is what would happen if the first Avengers movie needed to be made thirty-minutes long. It’s sort of the downside of What If having a half-hour runtime, where it has to both tell a story and introduce us to this new universe in under thirty minutes. It’s the same with the comics that had less than thirty pages to do the exact same thing, only to feel longer because comic writers in the seventies and eighties don’t know how to shut the hell up. The end result is a story that’s fine ENOUGH, but it would have benefited with more time to slow down and let us appreciate this new team of old heroes. I mean, we have the original Captain Mar-Vel, T’Challa’s father, and even Goliath, which would have been AWESOME to see them play a big role. But instead, the episode focuses on Hank Pym, Bucky, and THOR, somehow, making these other heroes valued members but also a bit of an afterthought. Also, despite this being a different version of the Avengers, they somehow make MORE quips than the original team, with few of it feeling like it’s in character. It has the same problem as Age of Ultron where everyone is cracking jokes at every second as much as they can, and it HIGHLY depends on your willingness to stomach that kind of thing if you’re willing to watch this episode. That and if you’re willing to forgive a character doing this STUPID AND RISKY thing that worked out for the better but doesn’t change how stupid and risky it is. Overall, this whole episode is a very interesting idea mixed with some very FLAWED execution that spoils the fun to be had.

What If…Happy Hogan Saved Christmas?: Now this? All kinds of fun to be had with this one. The return of Justin Hammer of all villains isn’t something I thought I needed, but I heavily enjoyed watching what’s basically the anti-Tony Stark show up and be his most despicably charming self. It was a blast to watch this scrawny little twink TRY and act intimidating as he dances all over the place. It makes him feel more and more like a cartoon villain, which is appropriate for yuletide fun. You don’t NEED a menacing presence for Christmas, you need a GOOF. And Hammer’s the goofiest with his lame catchphrases and very STUPID dancing, I couldn’t get enough of it. But the real star is Happy, who gets juiced up for an adaptation I NEVER would have expected from the MCU. The Freak is one of the sides to Happy that not many fans would know about unless they’ve immersed themselves with Iron Man lore (Or read a shit load of comics for the past two years like me), but it really is cool to see that side of him brought to life. The way Happy looks and moves like more of a manic Hulk on crack does great at setting him apart from the Jolly Green Monster we know and love, but also makes The Freak feel more unique from how he was in the comics. It was a blast of a holiday special with the only downside is that Darcy’s OCCASIONALLY annoying. Not much other than that, though, as this is the best Christmas present I could ask from Marvel.

What If…Iron Man Crashed Into the Grandmaster?: Fun fact, this was originally meant to be in Season One but was cut due to time constraints. Yeah, remember how weird it was that the Watcher plucked a version of Gamora we didn’t know? Well, now we finally know…through a story that’s primarily about Tony Stark that makes me wonder why the hell The Watcher didn’t take him.

But facts and jokes aside, I loved the shit out of this episode. There are probably going to be some cynics out there saying that the cars and the race is an excuse to sell toys or LEGO sets or some shit, but I don’t care because everything about it was AWESOME!. Not to mention that it lit up a special place in my heart and brain to watch Tony Stark be a hero again, not hesitating to save lives, putting everything on the line, and helping bring Gamora into the light, all while still being his snarky, Starky self. And huge props to Mick Wingert voicing him, who doesn’t sound like Robert Downy Jr at ALL, but still nails the energy and mannerisms. I can picture RDJ saying all of these lines and it helps make this feel like one last Iron Man story for the fans. Seeing the Grandmaster again was ALSO a plus, as he was his same goofy-self. As for the real hook of this episode, Gamora, she’s…fine. I don’t love that it’s Tony that helped her redemption arc since I always preferred how turning against Thanos was something Gamora decided for herself instead of this thing that someone brought out. It’s not a BAD idea, but it’s something that might have worked better with NEBULA, a character that could actually USE convincing, instead of Gamora, a character who would likely go to Stark to help kill Thanos. Still, I don’t HATE it, nor do I hate the episode. It was an adrenaline thrill-ride that gave us a return of Tony where he DOESN’T die in the end. I couldn’t have asked for more if I heard this episode’s title, and I’m glad it’s what we’ve got.

What If…Captain Carter Fought the Hydra Stomper?: I…KIND OF understand the reception towards Captain Carter. I don’t get why Marvel keeps pushing her more than their actual Captain America replacement, Sam Wilson. I mean, Captain Carter showed up in three projects (two seasons of television and a movie), where Sam made his official appearance as Captain America once…and hasn’t even cameoed in any other movie or show. Now, don’t get me wrong, I like the big buff lady and it’s awesome seeing her fight the giant robot. It’s cool, I love it. I also heavily enjoyed this episode, getting into the drama, action, and seeing Peggy make a surprisingly believable friendship with Black Widow. Heck, I’d go so far as to say that this is a better Black Widow story than her actual movie gave us. So I like it, I like seeing Captain Carter and some of her adventures. I especially like that this story isn’t a direct rehash of Winter Soldier like how the first episode is a rehash of First Avenger. The writers actually set out to make something more unique and it makes me like Captain Carter a little more. I just wish we could get that same love and appreciation towards Sam Wilson, whose movie got pushed back to 2025 and will count as the only time this character has been relevant since his mini-series. If this is our new leader of the Avengers and the man who will fight to save the multiverse, we’re probably going to need more than one appearance from the guy. I don’t think people would complain about more Captain Carter if Sam Wilson’s Captain America wasn’t so blatantly shoved too far to the side.

What If…Kahhori Reshaped the World?: One of the few rare times the MCU made an ORIGINAL superhero. There is no previous comic, movie, or show that Kahhori is based on. She’s a completely original character made up for this franchise, much like Miles Morales in the Ultimate universe or X-23 in X-Men Evolution (Check that show out, by the way. It’s pretty damn good). And just like those two, I REALLY hope Kahhori manages to become such a hit with audiences that she spawns more content, because Kahhori and her world is something I would love to revisit. Her personality is fun, her motivation is inspiring, and her powers are unique enough to make her stand out more to the other heroes in the MCU. As for her story, it’s your bare-bones origin story. The whole episode is about explaining her powers, the world she lives in, and the people she loves and fights for. It does all this while proving her heroics through fighting a supervillain set out to do some damage. Only, instead of some generic supervillain that matches her powers it’s this Spanish Conquistador who…honestly still looks like a supervillain, which is kind of funny. And it works for Kahhori, proving that while she’s currently the most powerful person in the world, she’s willing to fight against oppression and the monarchy, advocating for peace instead of a continuous war for who gains the most control. Like I said, that’s inspiring and it’s why I want to see more of this character and how far she can go when fighting bigger, more evil threats than the Queen of Spain. Whether it’s a spin-off TV show/movie, a comic mini-series, or even introducing Kahhori into the 616 comics (somehow), I wouldn’t mind seeing this new, wonderful hero more in the future.

What If…Hela Found the Ten Rings?: I…did not expect to like this one as much as I did. I wasn’t the BIGGEST fan of Hela, because aside from seeing her actress having a blast to go full ham, there wasn’t much to her. Yeah, she was this conqueror alongside Odin, which is an interesting backstory for HIM, but for Hela, it’s not enough. Instead of telling me WHO she is, Thor: Ragnarok kept telling me WHAT she was. Then here comes an episode of What If…? that not only gives me that answer, but a lot more. Sure, the first half is a bit wonky, but when we get to the second, we finally get an idea of who Hela is. Simply put, Hela doesn’t know who she is beyond a conqueror, and that’s because Odin never trained nor raised her to be anything more. This episode forces Hela to face that and discover answers she never knew she was seeking, having a surprisingly decent redemption, becoming a goddess of life instead of death. I…love that. I love that WAY MORE than I could have expected to love it. It makes me appreciate Hela a lot more and maybe see that there’s a tragedy to her in Thor: Ragnarok. Hela could have changed for the better if she met someone that could bring her good side out, but because she was banished into isolation by Odin, it caused Hela to be both spiteful and vengeful, making her refuse any alternative beyond being a conqueror or a goddess of death, with her final acts of life being someone who destroyed her home because destruction was all she knew. This episode has a better, more unique story to tell than Hela and Wenwu fighting over the Ten Rings to see who can cause more destruction. Speaking of, if there’s one thing to complain about the episode, it’s how underutilized Wenwu is to the story. He’s actually one of MY favorite MCU villains and it feels weird that he’s just…kind of there? Most of the meat to the story goes to Hela, and I do appreciate it, but Wenwu could have done more than wanting to bone Hela or assisting her in fighting Odin. But aside from that, I’d still say that this is a fantastic episode that surpassed my expectations.

What If…The Avengers Assembled in 1602?: Of all the episodes, this is the one I was looking forward to the most. I’m a sucker for seeing characters in a different setting. They’re very much the same in terms of personality but their differences vary from positions in life or the skills they’re capable of. It’s no different here, as so much of this feels like a period piece fanfic where the writers seemed to have so much fun making the Avengers be in 1602. And I don’t give a shit if people hate her, I LOVE that Captain Carter refuses to leave this world until she saves it from complete collapse. It would have been the same if it was Steve Rogers, I get that, but how do you expect me to hate a hero who’s willing to fight with her last breath to save the world? Those are my favorite kind of superheroes! You want me to give up what I love most about superheroes just because you don’t like that the big buff lady fights King Thor and his vibranium thunder sword? F**k you.

Also, this comes with the added benefit of watching big buff Steve and big buff Peggy constantly being on the VERGE of wanting to rip their clothes off and f**k each other whenever they’re on screen together. And, honestly, I can't blame them. They’re both gorgeous. LET THEM F**K!

Overall, I had fun, even if there are problems. Sure, the reveal that Steve is indirectly the cause of this universe’s collapse is way too predictable, no thanks in large part to the trailers SPOILING IT! And it’s pretty weird that Scott can still shrink and grow. Like…How can he do that in this setting? Also, this universe has a merry band of misfits that’s similar to Robin Hood, and there’s not even a SINGLE Hawkeye in it? Not even Kate Bishop? COME ON NOW! Come on now…

But, yeah, this episode is the perfect epitome of what makes What If…? enjoyable to me. It can offer you a fun concept of having the Avengers be in 1602 and just ask you to sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. Not everyone’s going to be into that, but I am and I could take ten more seasons of this if I could.

What If…Strange Supreme Intervened?: You want me to hate the big buff lady and new MCU character Kahhori fighting Strange Supreme and a whole gaggle of universe killers just because *checks notes* Captain Carter is a Mary Sue? F**k you. I don’t care if you feel like Captain Carter is forced upon you, she punched a demonic Doctor Strange in the face with the power of INFINITY. That is awesome no matter WHO the character is and if you can’t appreciate it, then I guess this show really isn’t for you. As for the finale, the whole thing is awesome as this big fireworks show to close out the season, added with Strange Supreme going back to the dark side for the sake of reviving his universe. I’ll admit that Strange Supreme had a bit of a forced redemption last season, so it is great for this finale to prove that he is, in fact, still twisted inside while allowing him to earn a more true redemption in making up for his actions. It makes his tragedy STILL feel like a tragedy, giving everyone but him a happy ending. And, again, he got punched in the face with the power of infinity. F**k all you haters, this show’s great.

Season Two is a definite improvement to Season One. Sure, the pacing is wonky, the jokes are trying too hard, and animation can look gorgeous at times but ugly at others. But the writing’s stronger, the concepts are bigger, the fun’s funner, and I got to see a woman punch a demon in the face with the power of infinity–I keep bringing that up because it is so damn awesome. And it’s the same with this show! It just fuels that part of my brain that wants to see cool, comic book shit happening. It’s not for everyone, I know that. It’s neither good nor bad, it’s just…subjectively fun. It’ll either light up your world or leave you wanting more substance than dumb fun. I enjoyed the hell out of this season, but others won’t for their own reasons (some of them being that they just hate Captain Carter). They can feel that way all they want. Still won’t change how I enjoyed the hell out of this season and look forward to more.

#marvel cinematic universe #mcu #mcu reviews #captain carter #nova nebula #marvel what if #what if season 2 #kahhori #mcu the freak #happy hogan #mcu hela #hela #justin hammer #strange supreme #tony stark #iron man

56 notes · View notes