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03jyh23 · 23 days

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— starlight, guide light, and everything in between || jeong yunho

In the quiet moments of parenthood, amidst the tears and the laughter, we find strength in each other's arms, and love that knows no bounds.

first-time dad!yunho x first-time mom!reader

genre: angst, fluff

trigger warnings: infant distress/crying; illegitimate child; parental anxiety/panic; emotional distress; breastfeeding; postpartum experiences

words: 3.8 k

reminder: what you're about to read is purely fiction, so let's keep it separate from reality.

!minors do not interact!

— hi there! the time has finally come, and im publishing my first Yunho fic 🥹 lately, some kind of maternal instinct seems to have awakened in me, and i had to get it out somehow 😭😭 i guess im getting old. just to clarify, i haven't given birth myself or have kids, so this fic is solely written based on my imagination of what it might feel like postpartum.

love, monika. ♡

if you enjoyed this post, i'd be so grateful for a little love – a like, reblog or comment would truly make my day!

You were dozing off wrapped in Yunho’s arms, your head in the crook of his neck, his smell calming your tired body. Your eyes were heavy, and it was getting harder to fight sleep. His hand was creasing your sides softly, lulling you to sleep. Being curled up on top of your boyfriend was your favorite place on earth. There was something incredibly comforting about being wrapped up in Yunho’s arms, feeling his warmth and steady heartbeat. It's like your own little sanctuary, a safe place where you can let go of all your worries and just be present in the moment. And falling asleep like that, with the gentle rhythm of Yunho's breathing and the soft touch of his hand, felt like drifting off into a dreamland.

It was a little over a month since your life was turned upside down when your little daughter was born. In that short period, every aspect of your world had shifted, reshaped by the arrival of this tiny, precious bundle of joy. The days had blurred together in a whirlwind of feedings, diaper changes, and sleepless nights. Yet amidst the chaos, there were moments of pure magic—how your daughter's eyes would light up with wonder at the world around her, the soft coos and gurgles that melted your heart, and the overwhelming sense of love that filled every corner of your home. But alongside the joy, there were also moments of doubt and uncertainty. Yunho, however, was deeply scared and anxious about becoming a father to a daughter. The mere thought of holding the fragile little being, feeding her, or changing her, filled him with a sense of fear and hesitation. It almost seemed like he was unable, or unwilling, to form an emotional bond with the newborn. This emotional disconnect was not just limited to the baby. Ever since you gave birth, a sense of apprehension and fear had gripped him. It was as if he was afraid to hold you, to touch you, and to confront the changes that your body had undergone postpartum.

The vulnerability that came with postpartum recovery was like nothing you had ever experienced before. Your body felt foreign, every movement was accompanied by a dull ache, a reminder of the physical toll that bringing your daughter into the world had exacted. But it wasn't just the physical changes that left you feeling vulnerable—it was the emotional upheaval as well. The hormonal fluctuations, the sleep deprivation, the overwhelming responsibility of caring for a newborn—all of it combined to create a perfect storm of doubt and insecurity. In those moments of vulnerability, you had expected Yunho to be your rock, your unwavering source of support and comfort. Yet, his actions—or rather, his lack of them—left you feeling more alone than ever. His hesitation to hold your daughter, and his reluctance to look at your postpartum body, all served as a painful reminder of your perceived shortcomings as a mother and a partner. You couldn't help but wonder if Yunho found you unlovable now if the changes wrought by childbirth had somehow diminished your worth in his eyes. It was a cruel thought, born out of fear and insecurity, but it lingered nonetheless, festering like an open wound in your heart. You couldn't help but feel a sense of helplessness wash over you. The distance between you and your boyfriend felt insurmountable, a gaping chasm that threatened to swallow you whole.

That's why today's little nap meant everything to you. For the first time since the birth of Yunmi, Yunho was holding you like this, providing you with the comfort and warmth you longed for.

"Wait, did you hear that?" Yunho’s soft voice disrupted your nap. Not in your right state of mind yet, you just hummed against his neck, your eyes not opening even for a second. With a gentle hand, Yunho shifted you slightly, allowing himself to slip out from beneath your embrace. As he rose from the bed, you blinked groggily, trying to shake off the remnants of sleep that clung to your senses.

"What is it?" you murmured, your voice thick with sleep. Yunho's expression was one of quiet concern as he motioned towards the crib.

"I think she's awake," he whispered, his tone barely audible in the dimly lit room. Your exhaustion weighed heavily on every limb, making even the simplest tasks seem daunting. With a weariness that seemed to seep into your bones, you clung to the pillows, seeking refuge in their soft embrace.

"Could you get her?" you whispered, your voice barely above a hoarse murmur, as you heard the soft cry emanating from the crib. You mustered all your strength to sit up and shake off the tiredness as you looked at Yunho standing still next to the crib, almost as if he was unable to move any closer. Each cry felt like a dagger to your heart, a reminder of your inability to provide the comfort that your daughter so desperately needed.

"I think it's better if you take her," he said, his voice devoid of emotion, his gaze fixed on the wall as if unwilling to meet your eyes. The words struck you like a slap in the face, igniting a firestorm of indignation deep within your chest. Yunho's refusal to take Yunmi stirred a storm of emotions within you. Anger, frustration, hurt—all of it boiled beneath the surface, threatening to spill over at any moment. How could he still refuse to take responsibility for his own daughter? How could he stand there, staring blankly ahead, while you bore the brunt of exhaustion and fatigue?

"Yunho, how can you—" you began as you stood up from the bed, your voice trembling with emotion, but the words caught in your throat, choked off by the weight of your anger and hurt. Tears welled in your eyes, hot and stinging, as you struggled to contain the torrent of emotions threatening to overwhelm you. As you approached the crib, your hands clenched into fists at your sides, your breath coming in ragged gasps as you fought to maintain control. You leaned over the crib to take Yunmi into your arms and care for her. With a shaky breath, you turned away from Yunho, cradling your daughter close to your chest as you retreated to the living room. You weren't surprised that Yunho stayed behind in the bedroom, his presence a silent reminder of the distance that had grown between you. With a heavy heart, you settled onto the couch, cradling Yunmi in your arms as you prepared to breastfeed her. Your daughter's eyelids drooped as she nursed, the weight of exhaustion finally catching up to her. With each gentle suckle, she grew more and more drowsy, her tiny fingers curling against your skin in a gesture of contentment. As you watched her drift off to sleep, a pang of guilt tugged at your heart. You had expected Yunho to be there for you, to support you through the challenges of motherhood, yet time and time again, he had fallen short of your expectations. Yunmi finally drifted off to sleep, her tiny chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. With a weary sigh, you leaned back against the pillows, holding your daughter close as you closed your eyes, allowing the exhaustion of the day to finally claim you.

You opened your eyes to see Yunho carefully lifting your daughter from your arms, his movements a mix of awkwardness and tenderness. Despite his initial hesitance, there was a determination in the way he cradled her against his chest as if he wanted to make up for any shortcomings. As he tiptoed back into the bedroom, you couldn't help but feel a surge of warmth in your heart. Despite the challenges you faced, seeing Yunho taking care of your daughter for what you believed was the first time, filled you with hope for the future. You listened as Yunho gently placed your daughter in her crib, his voice humming a soft lullaby as he tucked her in. Drifting back to sleep, you were roused once more by Yunho's quiet voice emanating from the bedroom.

"I have so much I want to say to you," he whispered, his voice barely above a hushed murmur. Yunho gazed down at Yunmi, her small form tucked snugly into her crib, her chest rising and falling in the steady rhythm of sleep. ''I'm so sorry for letting you, and your mommy down since day one...'' A sense of awe washed over him as he watched his daughter, the weight of his emotions threatening to overwhelm him. "You're my little starlight, and I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. Yunmi is Daddy's precious, shining light in the darkness." He reached out to gently brush a stray lock of hair from her forehead, his touch feather-light against her soft skin. "Daddy is really so sorry," he continued, his voice thick with emotion. "Sorry for all the times I've been afraid, for all the moments I've missed. I want you to know that I love you more than anything in this world, and I'll do whatever it takes to be the father you deserve." As he spoke, he felt a surge of love and determination welling up inside him, a newfound sense of purpose ignited by the presence of his daughter. In her innocent slumber, he saw the promise of a future filled with endless possibilities, a future that he vowed to protect and nurture with all his heart. "I may not have all the answers, and I will make mistakes along the way," he whispered, his voice trembling with sincerity. "But I promise to always be here for you, to love you unconditionally, and to cherish every moment we share." With a tender smile, he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, his lips lingering against her skin for a moment longer. "I love you and Mommy so much. Sleep well, my little starlight," he whispered his voice a soft lullaby that filled the bedroom with warmth and love. "And know that Daddy will always be here, watching over you, every step of the way. From now on Daddy will do his best." As Yunho's words echoed in the quiet of the apartment, you felt a mix of emotions welling up inside you, threatening to overflow. Tears streamed down your face, unnoticed in the darkness, as a tumultuous storm of feelings raged within your heart. Anger simmered beneath the surface, directed not at Yunho, but at yourself. How could you have been so blind to his struggles, so oblivious to the pain he had been carrying? You berated yourself for not recognizing the signs sooner, for not being there for him when he needed you most. But amidst the anger, there was also a profound sense of relief—a weight lifting from your shoulders as you finally understood the depth of Yunho's feelings. For the first time since your daughter was born, you felt truly connected to him, bound together by the shared experience of parenthood and the raw vulnerability of exposing one's innermost fears. And beneath it all, there was love—a love that transcended words and actions, a love that bound you together despite the challenges you faced. Despite the tears and the turmoil, there was a sense of gratitude in knowing that you were not alone—that together, you could weather any storm that came your way.

A little while later, you heard Yunho returning to the living room, his footsteps soft against the floor. A pang of guilt tugged at your heart as you pretended to be asleep, not wanting him to know that you had overheard his heartfelt words to your daughter. You quickly wiped your tears, and kept your breathing slow and steady, willing yourself to remain still as Yunho approached the couch. Soon, his arms enveloped you in a gentle embrace, lifting you bridal-style and carrying you back to your shared bedroom. Settling you onto the bed, he tucked you in with care, ensuring you were comfortable before gently placing the duvet over you. His touch was tender, his actions speaking volumes of his love and devotion. Yunho pressed down a warm kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering for a moment against your skin.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry," he whispered, his voice trembling with emotion against your forehead. "I'm just so scared to be a father," he whispered, his voice barely audible in the stillness of the room. "Scared to hurt her, to make mistakes that she'll never forgive." You felt the weight of his fear pressing down on you, his vulnerability laying bare the depths of his insecurities. With each word, it was as if a window had been opened to his soul, revealing the raw, unfiltered truth of his innermost thoughts and feelings. "I want to be the best father I can be, but... but what if I'm not enough?" His voice cracked with the weight of his uncertainty, his words echoing in the stillness of the room. And then, you felt it—a single tear falling onto your temple, a silent testament to the depth of his pain and fear. In that moment, your heart broke for him, for the struggles he faced and the burdens he carried. "And you," Yunho continued, his voice trembling with emotion, "you've been amazing since day one. I've watched you, seen the way you care for her with such love and devotion. It's like you were born to be a mother, and... and I can't help but feel like I'm falling short." Yunho longed to be the pillar of support you needed, the rock upon which your family could lean in times of trouble. But with each passing day, the weight of his insecurities grew heavier, threatening to crush him beneath their burden. "I'm still so afraid," he admitted, his voice barely a whisper now. "Afraid of letting you down, of letting Yunmi down. But I promise, I'll keep trying. I'll do whatever it takes to be the father she deserves, even if... even if it scares me to my core." In the darkness of the bedroom, his words hung heavy in the air. "I love you so much, Y/N, and I will do better, I will be the support you need." Yunho's voice broke through the silence once again, his words filled with sincerity and remorse.

"And I love you," you finally whispered, your voice filled with tenderness and affection. With a gentle touch, you reached out to wipe away the tears that streaked Yunho's cheeks, your fingers tracing the contours of his face with utmost care.

"You've been awake the entire time?" Yunho's voice broke the silence, his words carrying a mixture of surprise and relief. A shy smile tugged at the corners of his lips, a hint of uncertainty in his gaze as he met your eyes. You returned his smile, the warmth of his presence washing over you like a gentle breeze.

"Yes," you admitted softly, your voice filled with understanding. "I heard everything." There was no judgment in your words, no recrimination for his vulnerability. Instead, there was only acceptance—a shared acknowledgment of the complexities of love and the struggles that came with it. Yunho's smile widened, a sense of gratitude shining in his eyes.

"Thank you for listening," he whispered, his lips placing yet another kiss on your forehead. "And for being here with me." You reached out to him, your hand finding his in the darkness, a silent reassurance of your love and support.

"Always," you whispered, your voice filled with unwavering devotion. "I'll always be here for you, Yunho. Through thick and thin." Yunho creased your cheek gently, his eyes never leaving yours. "And now get under the covers with me," you giggled mischievously, reaching out to pull Yunho close by his neck. With a playful tug, you caught him off guard, pulling him towards you until he landed on top of you with a soft thud. Yunho's eyes widened in surprise, a startled laugh escaping his lips as he found himself sprawled across the bed, his gaze locked with yours.

"You little trickster," he chuckled, his voice filled with amusement as he shifted to settle beside you under the covers. With a grin, you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him close until your bodies were pressed together in a warm embrace. The feel of his warmth against your skin sent a shiver of delight down your spine, a feeling of contentment settling over you like a soft blanket. "I haven't kissed you in forever," Yunho murmured, his voice laced with longing as he gazed into your eyes with a mixture of affection and desire. A soft smile tugged at the corners of your lips, your heart fluttering at the thought of his lips against yours.

"Then what are you waiting for?" you teased as you leaned in closer to him. With a tender touch, Yunho cupped your cheek, his thumb brushing lightly against your skin as he drew you closer to him. And then, with a gentle tilt of his head, his lips met yours in a sweet, lingering kiss. At that moment, as you melted into each other's embrace, time seemed to stand still. The world faded away, leaving only the two of you, lost in the warmth and intimacy of the moment. As you pulled away, breathless and flushed with emotion, you felt a sense of completeness wash over you—a reminder that no matter how long it had been since your last kiss, the love you shared was as strong and passionate as ever. A playful sparkle danced in your eyes as you posed the question, your curiosity piqued by Yunho's endearing nickname for your daughter.

"If she's your starlight, then what does it make me?" you asked, a teasing lilt to your voice as you awaited his response. Yunho's gaze softened as he looked at you, a tender smile gracing his lips.

"You," he said softly, his voice filled with warmth and affection, "you're my guiding light. The one that leads me home, no matter how lost I may feel." Your boyfriend's words washed over you like a gentle caress, filling you with a sense of warmth and love. With a smile of your own, you leaned in closer to him, your heart overflowing with love and gratitude.

"And you," you whispered, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, "you're my everything." And as you melted into each other's embrace, surrounded by the quiet intimacy of the night, you knew that no matter what the future held, as long as you had each other, you could weather any storm that came your way.

The sound of Yunmi's cries pierced through the tranquility of the night, pulling you from the depths of sleep with a jolt. You moved to rise from the bed, instinctively driven to tend to your daughter's needs. But before you could fully untangle yourself from the sheets, Yunho's firm grip on your arm halted your movements.

"I'll get her," he murmured, his voice filled with determination as he gently pulled you back towards the bed. You hesitated for a moment, torn between the instinctual urge to rush to Yunmi's side and the desire to trust Yunho to handle the situation. But as you looked into his eyes, you saw a steely resolve there—a determination to prove himself as a capable dad, despite his fears and insecurities. With a silent nod, you allowed yourself to sink back onto the bed, the warmth of Yunho's presence comforting you as you watched him rise to tend to your daughter. As he crossed the room to Yunmi's crib, you couldn't help but feel a surge of pride welling up within you—a recognition of the strength and courage it took for him to step up and take on the role of caregiver. Yunho took her in his arms, gently and tenderly, almost as if he were afraid that his touch alone might hurt her. He held Yunmi close to his chest, rocking gently from side to side, he tried to calm his daughter, yet Yunho's panic escalated as Yunmi's cries persisted, his worry evident in the trembling of his hands and the furrow of his brow.

"Is she okay?" he asked, his voice tight with anxiety.

"She's probably just hungry," you reassured him gently as you stood up for the bed, understanding the depth of his concern. But before you could offer to nurse her yourself, Yunho's response caught you off guard.

"Oh..." he trailed off, his voice filled with uncertainty. "I can't breastfeed her," he murmured, the realization dawning on him as he grappled with the limitations of his role as a father. You reached out to him, placing a comforting hand on his arm.

"It's okay, baby," you assured him softly. "There are other ways you can help soothe her. We can prepare a bottle together, or you can hold her close while I feed her. What's important is that we're both here for her." Yunho nodded, his eyes reflecting a mixture of relief and gratitude.

"Thank you," Yunho whispered, his voice filled with emotion as he passed Yunmi gently into your arms, his eyes still big with worry. "Should I prepare a bottle for her?" You smiled softly at his eagerness to help, appreciating his willingness to step up despite his initial panic.

"I think I'll just breastfeed her for now," you replied, your voice gentle and reassuring. "But thank you for offering." Yunho nodded, a sense of relief washing over him as he watched you cradle Yunmi close, the familiarity of the bond between mother and daughter bringing him a sense of comfort. As you settled into the comfortable position, you nursed Yunmi, Yunho remained by your side, offering silent support and encouragement. As you nursed Yunmi, the gentle rhythm of her feeding lulled both her and Yunho into a peaceful slumber. The soft sounds of her contented suckling mixed with the steady beat of their breathing, creating a tranquil symphony that filled the room. With Yunmi cradled in your arms and Yunho nestled close beside you, you felt a profound sense of contentment wash over you. The warmth of their bodies against yours, the softness of their breath against your skin—it was a moment of pure serenity, a snapshot of the quiet joy that parenthood brought. You allowed yourself to bask in the tranquility of the moment, relishing the feeling of being surrounded by the ones you loved most in the world. In the soft glow of the morning light, you watched over them with a heart full of love, knowing that in this simple embrace, you had everything you ever needed.

"Be patient with him. He's trying," you whispered to your daughter, the words soft and tender as you gazed down at her sleeping form.

#ateez x reader #ateez angst #ateez fanfic #ateez au #ateez fluff #yunho x y/n #yunho x reader #ateez yunho x reader #yunho fluff #yunho angst

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schtrawberry · 2 months

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[3] personal astrology observations

[!] this is mostly an introspective view into my chart; in no way, shape, or form am i saying that any of this is fact or set in stone, nor am i saying that i am a professional astrologer. these are just presences that exist within my chart that i've felt manifest themselves in real life. simply put, take what resonates and leave what doesn't :)

— the observation that venus in the 9th house and sagittarius mars natives are far more likely to be attracted to foreigners and/or meet their future partner/s in a foreign country is true!

[nothing, just felt like confirming, esp as someone w both these placements 🤭 like, i honestly am more likely to be approached (in a romantic setting) by a foreigner both in-person and online!]

═ sun square neptune is the aspect of daydreamers. they're always thinking about an idealized version of the future or dwelling on the past. rarely do they ever think in the present. it is often easier for them to drift off into a daze either thinking about what could have been or everything that could be.

☰ chiron in fifth house indicates pain associated with creative passions and self-expression. one may have had negative experiences that have led them to feel insecure about these aspects of life; thus leading them to distance themselves from openly expressing themselves creatively. they may take great care to keep their works of art private, tone down certain parts of their personality, and may even feel ashamed to explain themselves when others ask them about certain aspects of their creative and self-expression because of negative feedback they could have gotten in the past.

but with such pain comes empathy and understanding. once developed, these natives are the first to take notice and are the fastest to lend a sensitive ear as well as a supportive hand as soon as they see others going through the same struggle.

☱ sun-lilith in harsh aspects might have been told to cover up more by both peers and grown-ups, even when wearing "acceptable" clothing when they were kids. this placement can indicate an individual that was more sexualized from a young age, which can lead to them either being hypersexual or overly-reserved sexually in adulthood.

☲ lilith in the 7th house can indicate an individual that struggles to commit and open up about who they are to their partner/s. people with lilith in this house may have had bad experiences with marriage (perhaps witnessing bad divorces or tumultuous long-term relationships between their parents) and therefore might be turned off by the thought of marriage and/or long-term partnerships.

and though this doesn't mean that the native will be a lone soul forever, it does make one more likely to have these sort of relationships at a significantly older age in comparison to other signs.

[tw: mention of domestic violence in my personal experience, i have witnessed my parents go through an incredibly bad separation (tons of emotional abuse, infidelity, and a situation actually involving domestic violence) which has honestly made me quite hesitant to get married, even as i approach my mid-20s.]

☴ the cancer rising urge to cry when someone you care about is crying or in distress in general.

☴ a few asteroid notes:

note: asteroids are less impactful to one's personality, physicality, etc. compared to personal planets. they tend to only be relevant to one's chart if they are either in a tight orb (0-1°) or have major aspects to personal planets, preferably conjunctions or oppositions.

✢ messalina (545) known as the most promiscuous woman in rome, empress messalina is still recognized today as a symbol of uncontrolled, violent, irrational, and impulsive behavior. this asteroid reminds me very much of lilith in that it is representative of dark feminine energy and having this prominent in one's chart can be indicative of an individual that is not afraid to use their sexuality to their advantage or to create harm unto others in different aspects of their lives, but especially in terms of romantic and sexual relationships.

✢ anagolay (3757) is an potentially hazardous asteroid named after anagolay, the tagalog goddess of lost things and the daughter of the hermaphroditic goddess of seasons, lakapati. she is culturally-recognized for her ability to find not only physical objects but also abstract possessions like lost opportunities and faded memories. having this prominent in one's chart can suggest an individual that is very in-tune with cycle of nature and the subsequent passage of time. they may be more sensitive to bouts of nostalgia where they dwell on things that could have been and the way that things were. may also just indicate a person that is hypersensitive to losing physical things, though.

[`] film: go (2001) dir. isao yukisada

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l0t4n · 5 months

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WHEN ARE THEY THE MOST PHYSICALLY AFFECTIONATE?

a/n happy new years!! :3

Contains the times/emotions that prompt them to become cuddly. Gn mc, only you/yours. The brothers + Diavolo and Barbatos!

LUCIFER: During downtime

—

Any time he's free of work, or at least has scheduled time away, is when he'll gravitate towards you and try to monopolize your time. He won't get another opportunity to do so for a while - he'll be busy, or somebody else will try to steal away your attention, but during the few days/hours of vacation he gets he will do ANYTHING to keep everyone else away. He uses the promise of an eventual respite with you as motivation to finish his work all the time. Unusually clingy once the time comes as a result.

MAMMON: When he wants to be comforted

—

Mammon is easily the clingiest out of everyone, but he'll never admit it. The only time he will is when he's upset over something, or when he's stressed and exhausted. After a certain point, he just feels too tired and miserable to keep up the act. He will beg you to let him crawl into your bed to cuddle, and if you say no, it won't take long for him to start crying and begging harder. Once you wrap your arms around him his entire body goes slack, and it feels like he's trying to melt into you. He will fall asleep incredibly fast, though - but he always feels better by the time he wakes up.

LEVIATHAN: When he's exceptionally jealous

—

Levi's usually very shy around physical contact of any kind, but if it's a particularly bad day for him, he will feel absolutely no shame in the way he clings to your shirt and follows you everywhere. Maybe one of his brothers made an especially risque comment towards you, or he just feels like everyone else is staring at you - it's difficult to quantify where the feeling comes from, so it tends to be a little unpredictable. It's not like he stresses over the exact reason, though - the envy he feels is so overwhelming he always acts upon it as soon as he can, just to feel a bit better. He may look grumpy as he simultaneously clings to you and walks with you, but he's just pouting. He'll be embarrassed thinking about it the day after.

SATAN: In the presence of cats

—

This one seems overly specific, but it's for good reason. He feels such a deep level of adoration and serenity in the presence of cats, he can't help but lean into you and hold your arm as he dotes upon them - not dissimilar to how a grandmother talks about how cute her grandkids are. He wants you to get a chance to be close to the cats as well, so any trips you accompany him on to visit local strays and animal shelters will be spent in very close quarters with him. He also thinks the cats will find him more visually inviting if they know you let him get cuddly with you.

ASMODEUS: While doing nothing

—

Asmo spends a lot of time out of the house for work. Even when he isn't away, he's livestreaming in his room or editing videos for DevilTube. His workload is comparable to Lucifer’s, although he doesn't get nearly as much freedom to complain since it isn't seen as important the way his older brother's work is. While it is nice for him to go out and do something with you when he's off work, his favorite is when you get to hang out and do nothing at all - just getting to lay in bed with you and talk about nothing in particular, or showing each other funny videos you find online, is enough to make him literally lay on top of you as a display of affection. Most people have come to expect a certain performance from him, and getting to tap out for even a little around you makes him even more affectionate than normal.

BEELZEBUB: When you bring him food

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This one seems obvious, but there isn't a single non-verbal act more meaningful to him than when you go out of your way to pick up food, or cook something just for him. He's frequently in distress over his hunger, so he sees it as a way of expressing that you don't want him to be in pain, even if you don't have that specific intention in mind. It's probably one of the few instances he will offer to share as well, but only if he gets to hold you while he eats. Many crumbs will fall into your hair btw.

BELPHEGOR: When he wakes up confused/disoriented/lost

—

With how frequently Belphie falls asleep, it's actually a rather common occurrence he wakes up in a place he doesn't recognize, or in a situation where his still-sleepy brain can't quite catch up to what's happening. Once, he fell asleep leaning against a wall that had just been painted, and woke up to one of the painters getting angry with him. He had a lot of trouble processing what the guy was saying, and that combined with how clearly irate the painter was made things extra upsetting for him. You had managed to find him within a few minutes and de-escalated the situation, but Belphie was still on the verge of tears and covered in paint. He clung to you the entire walk home to get him fresh clothes, and for a few hours after. He always defaults to calling you when these situations occur now.

DIAVOLO: When he's overworked

—

Dia is also just one of those characters who is constantly affectionate, especially once he's free to do so, away from the shackles of work. Even though he may be the most physically affectionate off the clock, however, he's actually far more lonely and likely to hoard any quantity of your time he can when he still has work to complete. Every break he takes will be used to recharge by cuddling with you, and Barbatos will need to drag him, sniffling and crying, back to his desk to finish. A lot of that affection you see once he's done with work is simply buildup from before.

BARBATOS: Completely unpredictably

—

Barb isn't normally cuddly or that affectionate, at least not publicly, and part of that is how he tends to keep everything to himself. It's a whole other form of affection exclusive to him, where he learns to tell you the things he otherwise would never admit to thinking about. However, even that is a tactic he uses sparingly, and most of his thought process remains obscured. However, between his dedication to his composure and his time-magic abilities, sometimes his affectionate moments occur at entirely bizarre times. Most likely, he nearly slipped on his composure, or is a bit too overworked, and needs to lean against you for a bit to recharge. He won't mind if you hold his hand a little, either…

#obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos

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transmascissues · 10 months

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Millions of people have died from untreated reproductive issues, and people in other parts of the world are willing to walk hundreds of miles to see an OBGYN, and yet people literally still act like a q tip is scarier than cervical cancer or HIV. Privilege is a weird thing.

normally, i wouldn’t indulge in the desire to respond to bullshit like this but frankly, i just don’t have it in me to be that reasonable at the moment.

so, to be absolutely fucking clear: getting medical care from a place that clearly doesn’t care about its trans patients is scary. suddenly experiencing level ten pain that literally no one prepared you for is scary. being physically penetrated immediately after that pain without warning or prior explanation is scary. having your very visible physical and mental distress completely ignored by your doctor is scary. being left in a room alone in a dissociative state and expected to just pull yourself together with no support whatsoever is scary. knowing your only two options are to relive that trauma every year for the rest of your life or risk not catching a kind of cancer that runs in your family until it’s too late is scary. it’s all fucking terrifying, and i think you and i both know the damn q tip has nothing to do with it.

our healthcare system is incredibly fucked, and that means medical trauma and healthcare inequality are both very possible in any medical setting. i know that, and i know you do. what good does it do the people who can’t access care to harass the ones who were traumatized by it? is this ask paying their medical bills? is it building hospitals in their towns?

anyway, time for me to go to sleep, everyone point and laugh at the asshole for me.

#might delete this #im just. so fucking tired #i don’t feel like doing the rational thing tonight yknow #anon hate

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hauntingcryptids · 8 months

Text

Tell Me That I Belong To You

Dhawan!Master x Reader

Summary - The Reader is having a bad day. So, with the convincing of The TARDIS, The Reader seeks comfort in The Master.

Based On This Request - *This was originally based on a request but the more I continued to write and edit it, the more the fic drifted away from the prompt. So, I am just going to let this be its own fic and write another fic more closely aligned to the prompt.

Warnings - Reader not feeling well, insecurity on the part of the reader, canon typical telepathy. (let me know if I missed anything)

Word Count - 1864

A/n - Gender Neutral Reader. I have a smut version of this fic if anyone would like to read it, but I don’t want to post it if people would just prefer the fluff version. I also don’t know how good this is, but I just wanted to get something out there after feeling awful mentally for a while. So, I hope that you enjoy this :)!

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You woke up with a headache. The type of headache that no matter how much water you drank, food you ate, or sun(TARDIS created sun) you layed in would cure your malady. Headaches, in general, but especially ones as bad as the one you were experiencing, always made your whole day awful. Oftentimes, the pain in your head would cause you to spiral internally until your mental health was utterly destroyed. That’s where you were now, arguing to yourself in your head about you and your “Humanness” and how you weren’t good enough for The Master. How could you possibly be good enough for The Master? Even if you weren’t Human, why would he want to be with someone like you?

The TARDIS beeped determinedly. You were becoming better at understanding The TARDIS given how much time you had spent within the ship but still you could only understand part of what she was telling you. The bits you could discern were: “The Master loves you”, “you are good enough”, “you have always been enough”, and “The Master would never think such horrible things about you. Ever!”

Eventually, you stopped The TARDIS’s rant about how great you were and that she wished that she could help improve your self-image. You thanked her for everything she said. Even though didn’t understand everything, you could feel her distress over your thoughts and her want to help you.

“The Master could help you where I fail.” The TARDIS finally said telepathically.

“He’s probably busy, though.” You mumbled, worried about upsetting him if you interrupted him while he was doing something.

“Go to him. He wouldn’t want to know that you allowed yourself to suffer when he was there ready and available to help you.” The TARDIS had to say this statement a couple of times in order for you to fully understand, and you sighed in response. She was right. The Master would be furious if he found out that you hid your distress from him, you knew that, he said as much many times before. It’s just that your brain would lie to you when you were upset.

“The Master will understand.” The sentient time and spaceship whispered into your brain. The TARDIS, given her time being The Master’s ship, knew better than anyone how the state of a person’s physical health could affect their mental health. She knew how greatly The Master suffered, therefore The Master would never judge you. The TARDIS just hoped that you knew what she knew.

“Can you lead me to The Master, please?” You asked after ruminating over everything the incredibly kind ship communicated to you. The TARDIS cheerfully directed you to the main library where The Master often lounged.

Like many times before, The Master was sitting horizontally on the sofa reading. He seemed engrossed in the thick tome resting up against his bent thigh. The alien’s engrossed demeanour made you want to turn back and talk to The Master later, but The TARDIS reassured you with a comforting presence. Both you and the ship knew that the only person who could make you happy when you were feeling off was the rogue Time Lord.

You walked up as quietly as you could and poked the Master’s cheek with your finger. The Master looked up at you with a smile, completely unbothered. Even while agonisingly planning an upcoming plan to toy with The Doctor, you would always bring him joy just with your presence. You were never a bother to him,

“Hello, my little Human. How are you today?” The Master seemed so calm even though you expected him to be upset. You wrapped your arms around your torso anxiously and subconsciously began rocking back and forth on your feet.

“Can I sit on your lap please, Master?” You sounded tired, which worried The Master, though he chose not to react for your benefit.

“Of course, love.” The Master placed the book he was researching and moved slightly to allow you to sit on his lap.

As soon as you rested your body against his, The Master scooted his body down the sofa until the two of you were practically lying down. The Master then wrapped his arms firmly around your back, trapping you against his chest with the beating of his hearts rattling throughout your body.

You breathed a sigh of relief, causing The Master to chuckle lovingly. You then nuzzled against his clothes-covered collarbones and the base of his neck and then breathed in his scent. His presence was comforting, but unfortunately, it wasn’t enough. Your mind still hurt and your thoughts still moved far too quickly for you to properly calm down. You assumed that your thoughts were loud, loud enough for The Master to hear, but you didn’t put any effort into hiding your thoughts. You just wanted to dissolve into The Master’s chest and to let all of your anxieties disappear.

“I’m sorry that you aren’t feeling well, Y/n.” The Master said softly against your ear. One of his hands absentmindedly caressed up and down your back.

“Make me feel good, Master, please. You’re the only one who can.” Your headache seemed to peak right before you committed yourself to asking The Master for some help. The warmth of The Master’s body against yours and the severe pain spiking through your head was too contrasting and too overwhelming to put on a brave face any longer.

“What kind of Master would I be if I didn’t take care of my beloved Human.” The feel of The Master’s smirk against your skin sparked a warmth to spread through you. The Master always made you feel better and more secure, but on bad days you just needed a bit more reassurance.

“Please tell me that you mean that?”

“Of course I mean it, my love. You are the only person I could ever care about.” The Master adjusted slightly in order to look you in the eye. You shied away, avoiding eye contact, and The Master didn’t push you to look at him. Though he did brush a hand down the side of your face a couple of times before kissing your forehead delicately.

“Let’s go somewhere more comfortable, love.” The Master said this to inform you that he would move the two of you. He would carry you places in The TARDIS without telling you where you were going when you were feeling like your everyday self, but not when you were feeling off. The Master never wanted to add to your anxiety, so he would always tell you when he would carry you off somewhere.

The Master moved the two of you so he was sitting up with you on his lap. He wrapped your legs around his waist and held you tightly against his chest before finally standing up with you securely in his arms. Then he carried you off to your shared bedroom.

Once in the dark-themed and dimly lit bedroom, The Master gently placed you on the bed and wrapped you up in as many blankets as you wanted and needed. He stepped back from the bed momentarily to remove his clothes that were far inferior to yours when it came to the act of cuddling and resting. Eventually, he crawled under the covers to join you on the bed. He cuddled closer to you, holding you tighter than he did in the library, and then rubbed his hands up and down your back as you returned to your place cuddling into The Master’s side.

“What do you need, my love?”

“You.” You’re speech was muffled by The Master’s neck, but he still understood you.

“Yes, but what do you need me to do? I know that you are hiding something in that beautiful mind of yours.” You felt The Master softly tap a finger against your temple, a little jolt of calmness and relief coursing through you with each tap.

“You won’t laugh at me, will you?”

“Never.” The Master answered with sincerity heavy in his tone. You nervously mumbled your response under your breath and into his neck, making this comment more difficult for The Master to decipher.

“I couldn’t hear you, love.”

“Can you tell me I belong to you?” You asked a bit louder, but you were still quiet and nervousness permeated your question. The Master’s breath caught in his throat. He tried his best to hold in his excitement brought on by your request because this moment was about you. The idea of you belonging to him was exactly what The Master wanted, more than anything in the Universe, probably even the Multiverse. What added to his growing excitement and adoration of you was the fact that The Master didn’t even have to make you feel this way. You wanted him just as much as he wanted you. Somehow, the stars aligned and they delivered the perfect person to The Master. What else could he do but give you whatever you wanted in an act of gratification?

“You belong to me, love. You always will belong to your Master. You’ll be mine forever.” The Master cuddled you impossibly closer, intertwining your bodies in a knot, and whispered into your ear with all the devotion and fervour he felt for you heavy on his tongue.

“And you really mean that -” You tried to ask again, but The Master cut you off before you could finish your insecurity-filled question.

“Of course I mean that. I would never lie to you, especially about this.” This time when The Master moved to look you in the eye you didn’t turn away. His warm chocolate eyes held all of the sentiments that were laced within his words and even more. If it were possible, you would stare into his eyes forever.

“Thank you, Master.”

“There is no need to thank me. You just need some rest and then you will feel better.” You huffed into The Master’s neck, just wishing that he would accept your gratitude without dismissing it.

“Come on, rest your head on my chest and close your eyes. I will deal with that headache and those pesky thoughts that were troubling you.” You did as The Master asked, already planning how you would repay The Master for everything he did for you today.

As soon as you placed your head on The Master’s chest, the sound of his heartbeats immediately calmed you down and the pressure on your mind began to subside. The Master massaged his hands along your back, starting slowly along your neck and then moving further down toward the base of your spine. He smoothed every ache and worked out every knot and kink, all the while placing delicate kisses across your head and face. You heard him whispering praises in your ear, some in your native language and some in his. Even though you couldn’t understand everything he spoke to you, you knew that what he said was entirely comprised of his love. Because of The Master’s actions, you soon fell asleep. You were completely consumed by the rogue Time Lord’s presence, just like you wanted to be when the day began.

#ghost's posts #fanfiction #x reader #doctor who #doctor who x reader #the master #the master x reader #dhawan!master #dhawan!master x reader #my writing #anon #request

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xalicitie · 2 months

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Take Care of Me — Paul Maud’dib Atreides (smut)

Leila is Chani’s trusted crony. While Chani and Paul share a passionate and intimate love for one another, as Paul embraces his role as Lisan Al-Gaib, Chani encounters detrimental trouble in dealing with his new persona and thus turns to Leila as a channel for her frustration. Leila has been Paul’s own medic for a day, and returning to his chambers to treat an opened wound, she takes her frustration out on him. And yet, she finds out he’s frustrated, too.

The full story will be posted on AO3–HAHA. Just kidding. I have no fucking motivation anymore and it’s killing me. If I manage to fill in a few scenes on this story, then it will make it onto AO3. The full story starts a few scenes ahead of this.

Also, this is based on the movies. I’m reading book 1 now, but I wrote this pretty early on. A lot of the stuff probably won’t make sense in the Dune world. If u have a problem suck my cokkk

Isn’t it obvious I like medic smut scenarios

Also if u want the ending of this tell me! idk if the Dune fandom will welcome me here🙏

I enter Paul Maud’Dib Atreides’ chambers for my second round—and yet within my circumstance, and the unfortunate display of events that have fallen into place, instead of knocking, I barge through.

I find Usul confined to his bed, blood gushing through his white garment.

“Leave.” I pronounce with an impatient tongue. The nurses at Usul’s side take a look at me, and with silent agreement, rush off and through his grand doors.

Usul dons a blank countenance, slightly embellished with the graze of concern. More prominently, however, I can see physical pain in his eyes. I try not to let him uncover that this deeply perturbs me.

“Now why in the fucking world would you do this to yourself?” I demand. My footsteps boom through the lifeless room, my lips stiff with inhibition.

He sits there for a second, gaping up at me slightly, plainly confused.

“Excuse me?”

I know this is the Messiah. And I understand that he could have me thrown off the planet for speaking to him in such a wretched way. But with this, I uncover in myself boiling rebellion.

“Damnit, don’t gape at me.” I snarl a bit. I can feel my indignation running wild, through a pounding chest and through my mindless mouth.

“Sit up.”

He does, silently. I’m grateful.

“Take this off.”

I gesture to his shirt. He does this, too.

I come around with a cloth. Staring down at him, I survey the image—he’s bleeding out. Quickly, at that. He messed up his stomach wound considerably. His toned stomach is scaled with blood, a red, filthy gash on his left side. My heartbeat chases a pounding rhythm. Holy shit: he might fucking die.

My inhibition snaps.

“Nevermind. Screw it. Lay against the headrest. Be careful, you damned fool.”

Usul groans as he backs into his bed. “I was told I was getting nursed, not chastised.” He seethes through a set of clamped teeth.

“Yes, well, you managed to ruin your binding. I can see it took an incredible amount of effort, too.” I climb into the bed. Barring off any uncomfortable undertones, I crawl towards him.

“Yet I also don’t need a fucking coach right now, Leila. I need a medic.” I feel his hot breath lingering in the air near; I snap my face towards his. His gaze is unwavering, and I can see his studying gaze, his brow twitching calculatingly.

I’m a frazzled mess—I can tell as my eyes twitch that’s it’s painfully obvious.

I flinch suddenly. My gaze wanders, and I find warm, masculine digits consuming mine.

“You need to stop shaking, damnit.”

His quiet yet pregnant words resonate with me and into my weak, distressed body. I fall still. With his palm against my aching fingers, I find the quickest respite.

“Focus. I will not die.”

“Did you prophesize that, hm?”

“No. I trust you.”

My eyes flutter shut. I inhale a tremulous breath. He’s right—I can’t work in my state right now. But if I want to do as much as merely stopping the bleeding, I’ll have to shift my attitude. Swiftly.

My mind doesn’t dare wander towards Chani. It would be custom for me to turn to her for strength, but the mental image of her mainly brings about animosity. Instead, I focus here, now—on Usul’s palpable heat, in his hands and in the heavy scent of his presence.

I take a moment. A moment, quietly finding my peace and my lost, inner instinct.

After many prolonged breaths, I sit up.

And I get to work.

“This is going to hurt. You might want to lay down.”

Silently, he obeys me.

My skills succumb to my mind. I work intensely—I dab the cloth into his thick blood, which stains his alabaster skin. As I work, a few meager thoughts roam my mind: I doubt no Fremen wouldn’t pay their wage for a touch of his blood, I ponder. Being so intimate with his mortality brings everything into scope; Usul has a power only rivaled by Emperors, Kings, and Queens, however any hit can be fatal. Without Paul, the Fremen lose their symbol and their incentive. But, well, no pressure.

On the other hand, I’m notably grateful for his compliance. And I’m even further impressed with his determination too, in refusing to speak a single word nor a mere sound. As I uncover my own tenets, and I come out of Chani’s shadow, I’m starting to realize.. my favor isn’t entirely for Chani.

A bowl of water arrives with a nurse. Thanking her and sending her off, I near Usul again.

“Does this have to do with Chani?”

As I begin to clean his wound, I talk pointedly, inquiry woven into my tone.

His voice comes eventually, but he groans when I pour the sacred water directly onto his gash. His bony fingers twitch and attach onto the mattress, grasping lightly.

“-Did she tell you anything?” He utters begrudgingly.

“Mhm.” I answer.

“Is that why you’re in a mood?”

Water pools onto his stomach, which is hard with muscles, rising and falling with his trained breaths. It slips onto the bed, wetting it gradually by the second.

“I questioned you first.” I demand.

I can smell his eyes rolling a mile away.

“Yes. I attempted .. reaching her. She’s more stubborn now than I recall.”

I nod involuntarily. Stubborn was a nice word.

“So, you’re not her minion anymore?”

My focused brows shoot up. I drive my mien into his.

“Do you want me to screw up your wound?”

“Leila.”

Trickles and little indications of nerves meander through my body. I realize I’ve paused my work, and with a surge of purpose, I return.

“I don’t dislike the change. You’re finding yourself.”

I bite my gum. “So I have been a nobody until now?”

“No.”

I draw a cloth, lathered with soap around the borders of his wound. He mumbles something, maybe a curse, before speaking again.

“It’s gratifying to see you.. not so impressionable.”

I really do hate being timid and gullible sometimes. Thus, the reason Chani’s been such a magnetic force of my life. She has stiff, ardent opinions, and a defensive stance. Her caution keeps her ready to strike.

But I know this persona is who I am. Even now, with a callous expression discoloring my soft features, I understand—this isn’t me.

“Well, I can’t take care of you forever.” I speak with disdain, brushing away my probing thoughts. “Whatever you do in your pastime isn’t my business, but if you manage to break through this dressing a second time, for whatever reason, I’m getting another nurse to manage your carelessness.”

I hear a smile. “Yes ma’am.”

“Do you know what it is to be a nurse?” I begin. “No. You fight, and you thrust your blade at any living thing. We clean up. We witness the rubble of war, and we tend to the malignant products of violence.” I set the now empty bowl aside, my eyes cast far into the monochrome walls.

“You can’t afford to be careless. You’re the Messiah, Usul. And I surely cannot, either. I mess up, and you’re blood’s on my hands.�� I pause. “In this very moment, we’re linked—so I just want you to do your part, as I do mine.”

“So I’m the source of your ire.”

My face scrunches into a frazzled frustration. “Did you hear anything I just said?

“I won’t mess up again. You can trust me.” I rest there, sitting above his body as my fingers dress his wound with ointment, a stone-cold countenance on my face. “What bothers you?”

I bite my gum grimly. “Don’t provoke me.”

“But if you keep your anger confined, what else might invoke it?”

“This isn’t the time for this, Usul.”

“-Paul.”

My fingers halt, propped against his warm skin as I meet eyes with Usul.

“What?”

“I would rather you call me Paul.”

I search my mind. Does anyone other than Chani call him Paul? His mother, of course. And Gurney, obviously. But the list drags to a stop there.

Is he marking the enhancement of our friendship? Maybe he’s egging me into transferring information. Altogether, it puzzles me.

Alas, I disregard my selfish thoughts. It’s foolish of me to pleasure myself with the thought that I might mean something special to the Lisan Al-Gaib. Sighing, I rise from my position.

“Okay, Paul.”

I turn to the table at my flank, taking up a pristine, fresh sheet of dressing into my hands. “Sit up against the headrest. ..Please.”

He does so without complaint once again. I approach him apprehensively. The silence is disarming. I can feel his gaze on me like a cool, unshakeable breeze.

As I begin my work, I succumb to his request.

“Counsel-Member Sarat has been my patient for the past week.” I swallow my shame while my fingers press into Paul’s stomach, attaching the covering gingerly. “He died today. Of infection. And .. and the counsel thought it fit for me to be demoted from my position as head nurse since, inherently, the war has ‘dulled my senses and muted my skills’. They’re rather unyielding in their blame, which they’ve..” I laugh dully. “..brutally pinned on me.”

“They’ve stripped you of your title as head nurse?”

“Mhm.” I confirm gently. It feels that, if I speak a decibel louder, I might crackle and fall apart.

“Give me an hour; I’ll give you your title back.”

“..Paul, it is not your place.” I tell him with warning eyes.

“What do you mean? Why not?”

“I-“ I grunt out an intermittent groan. “Do you really care if I’m head nurse or not?”

“You’re the best in your field. I’ve seen it, I witness it this very moment. Ignorance runs through the council, it’s rather obvious.”

If my complexion warrants it, I blush. I haven’t heard kudos of such high acclaim of late, or.. ever, perhaps. Hardness and disdain may have encrusted my heart, but his words seem to chip at the layers with ease.

“Just, don’t act yet.” I say carefully. “Today has been enough for me. A prolonged night of sleep might just be enough to relieve me of this stress.”

I apply one last morsel of pressure into his side with my palm, scrutinizing the dressing. Immediately, the strings of responsibility lay off of my shoulders. He’s alive, breathing, and his stomach is marked by white linen rather than the thick, maroon tints of his precious blood.

“And you. Our deal?”

I look for understanding in his face, yet I’m met with gentle confusion. I roll my eyes.

“Take care of yourself. Don’t fuck your wounds up, and I don’t have to stress about you.”

“Mmm, because you care so much about me?”

He says this blandly and with a husky tone. I chuckle, falling cocky. “You know what I mean-“

Something warming creeps up my waist. My eyes drawn to the sensation, I look down to see Paul’s hand at my side.

I lift my head. I’m met with his eyes—blue and slitted, brushed by the shadow of the dim light at the end of the spacious room. The cold throb of the air suddenly becomes terribly tangible.

Suddenly, I know. As he holds my gaze, as he holds me, I know. Every stalking thought of my intuition was valid—the prickles of tension were never figments of my wild imagination. That look, that look of his is polluted with infatuation.

I press myself away from him. “What is—what are you-”

“Just stop, Leila.”

His fingers dig a little into my skin. Suddenly, my walls are up. My shoulders surrender to stiffness; my breath refuses to release.

He leans in closer, stealing meager inches of the mattress.

“Isn’t it easier this way? We’re both stressed out of our minds, it hurts, I know. I can relieve you of your pressure, Leila-“

“You jest!”

I push him away with incredulous palms. This shocks me just as much as it does him.

“Chani. We both care for her—is this what you imply?! For two of her loved ones to betray her in one night?-”

“What is there to betray?!”

With a quickness I’m unable to fathom, we are then a mess of limbs; his legs have crawled forth and are propped onto mine, his arm bridging the distance, deft fingers bordering the brink of my neck and shoulder.

Not a wisp of breath sprouts from inside of me.

“She is frustrating. I know you’re angry with her, with how you so unabashedly project. You’re awfully transparent.”

“You are a cocky bastard.”

“Mm.”

Paul tilts his head, as if saying ‘see?’. I stifle a curse from spilling out, off my flaring tongue.

Warmth spreads like wildfire at my hip, as his left hand claims its spot. The thumb of his right ventures over my jaw and to my cheek, while his remaining digits curl around my neck. I repress a shudder, as well as a susurration at my mouth—one that would surely betray me.

“Don’t you see?” He says it so low, his voice crackles in its sudden baritone as he speaks. “Let me take care of you.”

My eyes flutter shut. My mouth gapes slightly; he leans closer and closer.

“You are Chani’s. Chani is yours.”

“You know that's not true.”

My breath trembles audibly. I can hear it in the thick air.

“Why don’t you act on your own desires?”

“How arrogant do you have to be? I do not desire one morsel of you-“

“Ah, I’ve yet to see you pull back.”

My lashes flutter, opening my eyes so that I can witness a peek of the image in front of me: he breathes me in like oxygen, as if he might suffocate any moment. I can see two slits of blue, their light dawning on me and onto the amalgamation of our intimate shadows.

“I'm afraid I know you better than you know yourself, Leila..”

I breathe in, desperately attempting to sort out my visceral thoughts. Maybe a mere moment of preparation, maybe just a little time ..

Yet he denies it. I breathe in, and Paul Atreides has ensnared me with his lips.

The power he has over me is, in itself, terrifying. I mold underneath his touch, every contiguity setting my skin aflame. Paul kisses like a savage—as we sway, his tongue slithering hungrily between my lips, our mouths a battle of uncertainty and voracity, I see him in a different light. The stiff, self-controlled, solemn boy stripped of his armor is revealed to be an animal, just like any other man.

He must be stressed out of his mind. His movement is desperate, his lips feral. His body snakes over me as my hands brush against his skin—each finger passing a rib one by one, drinking in his warmth. Skin of the Messiah.

Even if I refuse to merge with the Fremens’ united belief, I understand well, with awe and terror, Paul’s title and his power. It chills me, through flesh and into the cavern of my soul: I contact the armor of a royally begotten warrior, and I am all the same groped by the hands of a mighty killer.

Chani. Chani. Chani.

I miserably try to redirect my focus. It shocks me how insanely hungry I am for him—it never occurred to me that I had affection for Paul, but my desire flows copiously. I think back on Chani. I attempt to meditate and recall their love and what strife I’m paving.

And yet my body betrays me, These thoughts, even further, backfire.

I am angry. I am tired, and worn from Chani’s groping. The circumstance is rousing something in me—a beast of a feeling, a pit of animosity. Without caution, I shove Paul into the headrest.

“Stay still.”

I climb onto him. I look down, and find his glimmering blue eyes consumed with startled shock.

“Don’t you care about your wounds at all?”

I kiss him. I trap him against the head of the mattress, letting my hands run wild. With his waist bearing my weight, I begin to steadily ride his crotch.

Paul isn’t mine. In a perverse way, this motivates me further—he could be using me as a channel of relief or as a source for his irate, and he might even be infatuated with me. Yet once I’m immersed in my drive, and I’ve established a tantalizing pace to bounce over and over on his hard-on, I realize: I don’t really care. I want this, and I’ll take my goddamn share.

#paul atreides #paul atreides smut #dune part two #dune #timothée chalamet #Paul Atreides fanfic #Paul Atreides fanfiction #dune fanfiction #Paul Atreides x oc #fanfiction #oneshot

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the-magpie-archives · 1 year

Text

I've been thinking about Martin and Jon's relationship in season 2, and came across an aspect I hadn't previously considered.

When Micheal stabs Jon it's just them, meaning after Micheal slipped away he left Jon alone in his office. The cut was bad, obviously, bad enough to need stitches, but after a shock like that there's no way Jon took himself to A&E.

He lies that he cut himself with a bread knife, but this lie makes no sense if he was in his office. What I think happened, is upon realising the seriousness of his injury, Jon went to find the nearest first aid kit, most often found in kitchen areas of course.

When Martin comes into the kitchen he finds Jon bleeding all over himself, struggling to open a cheap first aid kit, very stressed, and obviously in a lot of pain. You'd be surprised, but even the most willing people are often incredibly opposed to the idea of hospitalisation for anything less than life threatening, and Jon is NOT the type of person to take a hospital trip lightly.

So, after extensive argument (only ended by Jon becoming too lightheaded to argue his case), they'd go down to A&E, and sit awkwardly together for the hours it takes to finally get seen. There's something so bonding about sitting with someone in their moment of need, even if you're not doing much else but being there.

When you're physically vulnerable like that you also tend to be more emotionally vulnerable; it's easy to blurt out something profound when you're more focused on handling pain and bleeding then you are on censoring yourself.

This experience, especially so soon after Prentiss's attack and all that ensued, opens up that raw connection you can only really ever have in crisis, it may be a trauma bond, as I'm certain they have one, but I think it's also more than that. It's seeing eachother at rock bottom and realising just how important they are to you, and just how awful it'd be to lose them.

It's so early on in their journey, but I think this relatively small event changed the course of their relationship. Martin knew Jon was having a hard time, he complained with Tim, it was clearly distressing, but he still kept an eye on Jon, looked after him. Even in the depths of his distrust this surely broke through Jon's armour, no matter how little he seemed to show it at the time.

The shared crisis of Jon's injury gave Martin an excuse to hang around Jon when he needed it the most and didn't even see it himself.

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kawaiikenna · 2 years

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Inspired by this post by @stealingyourbones . No one is safe from the angst. ÒwÓ TW: buried alive.

For those who want to be tagged for continuation; here’s the link to the fic posted on ao3. Subscribe there to guarantee a notification just in case I forget to tag someone. ^w^ Under the Earth; Far from Home

Part 2 for y’all. :3

Danny didn’t know how long he had been in there for. His breathing has become slow and shallow. The last he counted was eight breaths per minute. Lower than his usual resting rate but not too alarming. Now though, he was down to four breaths. His heartbeat had always been much slower than a regular living person at fifty-five beats per minute. It was now hitting at thirty-seven. Worryingly low, even for him.

He groggily cracked his eyes open and was greeted by the same sight he had been staring at for who knows how long now. Silver metal with green cybertronic designs inlaid. A small viewing window directly above him. It was closed though, and could only be opened from the outside. He stared at his reflection in the plexiglass and metal. His face no longer held any kind of muscle or fat. His cheeks had hollowed and eyes had sunken to a damn near skeletal level. When he wriggled his hand up to cautiously touch his face, it was in the same state. Fingers gaunt and skeletal. He could see every single bone in his hand as well as his wrist.

Betrayal panged through his chest at the thought of how he came to be in this situation. His heart had stopped while Danny had been napping on the couch. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence but this time his mom had found him. She had silently freaked out before being his dad in. Together they came to the conclusion that Danny had died. A very logical conclusion for any other normal person. But Danny was anything but normal. The next time he awoke was to his parents shutting the lid on what had seemed to be a coffin. Danny had yelled and shouted until his voice broke and his throat felt raw. He flailed about in his tiny prison, trying to find a way, any way, of getting out. He was rewarded with multiple shocks every time he even so much as brushed the metal sides. When Danny had tried to go ghost he was shocked so badly that he passed out from the pain.

The next time he awoke was to the thudding sounds of something being thrown onto the lid. Panic had welled up in his mind. Gripping his throat and constricting his chest. He was being buried alive. His parents were BURYING HIM ALIVE. Danny cried and screamed again. Begging them to not do this. To let him out. Telling them that he was still alive, that he was still their son and not a ghost.

They didn’t stop. Instead, Danny was left there. Panting and heaving through the worst panic attack he had ever experienced. He was stuck and there was no getting out.

Danny sighed. He knew that he didn’t have much time left. His energy had nearly completely depleted. He was so weak that he couldn’t physically fight his way out. So with the last bit of strength that he could muster, he sent out an emotional distress signal. He didn’t expect a response. One had never come before. So he closed his eyes again, submitting to his fate.

And then it came.

A tiny whisper, but a response all the same. Danny’s eyes snapped open, renewed vigor forcing him to press his hands against the lid of the coffin he had been buried in. The shocks rocking through his incredibly weak body but it didn’t stop him. Instead he sent out another emotional beacon.

Help, help, buried, not dead, alive, alive, ALIVE.

The answering reply;

Alive, help, coming, safe?

No, no, hurt, alive, hurt.

Danny cried for the first time in what felt like eons. Green streaked tears flooding from his eyes to fall down through his hair and to the pitifully thin pillow below his head. This other presence caressed his mind with projections of safety and help. And he continued to cry out for help. The emotional and mental anguish finally breaking through and breaking him down. He could feel himself slipping. His consciousness fading into black. But just before he slipped entirely into the welcoming blackness that was trying to overcome him, the viewing window slid open.

On the other side was a man with mostly black hair save a lock of pure white that was stuck to his forehead by the sweat pouring off of him. His blue eyes kept flickering to a shade of ectoplasm green before returning back to blue. He wore a white tank top that was now grass stained and streaked with dirt. His hands and arms covered in a thick layer of mud. Had he dug through the dirt by hand? Why?

While Danny had been lost in thought, a sound he had never thought he would hear again rang in his ears. The coffin lid hissed as the hydraulic hinges lifted it. And Danny took his first breath of fresh, non-recycled air in heaven knows how long. The sobs that rended themselves from his throat were those that told of a broken and afraid teen. One that had been abandoned by his parents, possibly even his sister and best friends. Someone that had been alone for so long that even sitting in a stranger’s embrace in the muddy rain was euphoric.

Danny didn’t know when the man had picked him up and held him closely. But it was definitely not unwelcome. If anything, Danny tried to press further into the stranger’s chest. Further away from the damned coffin that had been his prison for so long. The darkness of unconsciousness was beckoning again. Even sweeter this time in the wake of his rescue.

So he closed his eyes and Danny fell asleep to the deep cadence of the man’s voice telling him he was safe.

#danny phantom #dp x dc #danny fenton #dc #batman #dp #jason todd #dc x dp #dc comics #batfam #dpxdc #dp x dc prompt #red hood #buried alive #tw: buried alive #have some angst #so much angst #no one is spared

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antianakin · 5 months

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@theneutralmime

Okay, so there's two things being discussed in here that I will try to answer separately.

The first is about Obi-Wan "lying" to Luke about the Darth Vader/Anakin distinction and implying that they're separate people. I tend to agree with you that Obi-Wan isn't doing this for his OWN sake, but is in fact doing it for Luke's because Luke ISN'T READY to hear the truth yet. Mark Hamill has said that he sort-of sees the moment on Bespin when Luke falls away from Vader as almost like a suicide in some respects. If you take that as your interpretation of what happens in that scene, then it's pretty clear that Obi-Wan wasn't wrong about Luke not being ready for this particular truth.

Even if you don't take that as your personal interpretation, I feel like assuming that Obi-Wan was separating Vader and Anakin for his OWN benefit is just a disingenuous reading of the text. Once the truth is out and Luke calls him on it, Obi-Wan has no issue discussing the topic more overtly. And Obi-Wan is incredibly calm when facing Vader in ANH, there's no obvious conflict in him during that sequence. He knows who he's facing, he knows what it means to him, and he's prepared to manage it. He's completely in balance, which is why he's able to just let himself go in the end. If Obi-Wan were truly incapable of handling the whole CONCEPT of Anakin being Vader, I feel like we'd have seen way more distress in him in this film and in this sequence, and we'd see him attempting to try to continue the practice when conversing about it with Luke in ROTJ.

What they have Obi-Wan do in the Kenobi show is actually the OPPOSITE of what everyone assumes is happening. Obi-Wan isn't forced to separate them in his head because he can't deal with the pain of thinking about it, he's just choosing to mourn the version of Anakin that he remembers, the version of Anakin he raised and loved. He HAS to move on, he has to let go, or he'll remain as stuck in the past as Anakin himself is and won't be of any use to anyone. I do love that the separation seems to come more from Anakin himself than from Obi-Wan, something that the Kenobi show didn't even begin. We see Anakin say something similar to Luke in ROTJ and Ahsoka in Rebels, too. Anakin being incapable of coming to terms with what he's done and therefore having to separate who he was from who he's choosing to be is ENTIRELY in character for him. Anakin CAN'T accept change, he CAN'T accept reality, that's such a major core of who Anakin is and why he does the things he does. What Obi-Wan is doing is just accepting that Anakin has CHANGED, that he's choosing to be a Sith, and so he can mourn the person he remembers while accepting that the person who currently exists is now his enemy (and not someone he can save).

Which leads nicely into your second question which is about whether Obi-Wan WANTED Luke to kill Anakin or not. Let's look at what the dialogue is.

Luke: There IS still good in him. Obi-Wan: He's more machine now, than man. Twisted and evil. Luke: I can't do it, Ben. Obi-Wan: You cannot escape your destiny. You must face Darth Vader again. Luke: I can't kill my own father. Obi-Wan: Then the Emperor has already won. You were our only hope.

Now, personally, this doesn't scream to me of Obi-Wan WANTING Luke to kill Anakin so much as it does Obi-Wan recognizing that so long as the Sith remain alive and in power, there will never be peace.

However, you will notice that Obi-Wan never actually SAYS that Luke has to kill Vader. He says that Luke has to FACE Vader. This is important because the OT is, for many reasons, LUKE'S story. It's not actually Anakin's. And one of the major things happening for Luke across ESB and ROTJ is that he has to face his own darkness and accept it in order to rise above it. That's what Vader represents. Vader is not the tragic hero Anakin Skywalker at this point, he's just the physical manifestation of Luke's own darkness. Obviously you can choose to look at this scene with all of the context of Anakin's story from the Prequels and TCW and all the numerous other things that have been released since then that explore Anakin's character further and add more nuance to him. But the truth of the matter is that this scene was written long before any of that was out there in the world. Lucas had some idea of how that story was going to look, he'd written out a certain amount of it, but it wasn't something that was SUPER impacting the story being told in THIS film. This film is NOT Anakin's story. It just isn't.

And the other thing that happens in this scene is the revelation of Leia as Luke's sister. So not only are they discussing the manifestation of Luke's darkness, but they're bringing in a representation of LIGHT, as well, of Luke's GOODNESS. His love for Leia, for this person who's done nothing but fight for peace and freedom since we've met her, who's most well-known line is about HOPE, who is constantly being dressed in white to help get all of that across. THAT'S the other side of the coin. So this scene is telling us that obviously Luke HAS good in him, of course he does, but that he also needs to accept that he has the capacity for darkness, too, or that goodness can be corrupted towards evil, the same way his father's was.

Balance means making the choice to face your own darkness and accept it in order to be able to control it so that you do not succumb to it. And balance is what makes the Jedi who they are. Luke will never be a true Jedi until he achieves balance, and he can't achieve balance until he faces his darkness. So sure, what's happening on the surface is that Obi-Wan is telling Luke that he has to be willing to face the possibility that he's going to have to kill his own father. Other people have pointed out that, with additional context from things like the Prequels and even the Kenobi show, Obi-Wan is saying that Anakin likely won't GIVE Luke another option and that Luke needs to be able to do better than Obi-Wan, finish the job Obi-Wan was unable to complete before. And I'm happy to sort-of incorporate that more Watsonian idea into the Doylist concept of Luke just needing to face his own darkness, but the Doylist one HAS to come first and so many people choose to ignore it in favor of just getting mad at Obi-Wan for telling Luke he might have to kill his father or everything is doomed. Looking at it like that is really such a surface-level reading of the scene that ignores all of the deeper meaning of the entire story Luke has gone on over the course of three films, to me.

#star wars #obi-wan kenobi #luke skywalker #return of the jedi #a new hope #star wars original trilogy #balance #jedi

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inquebrar · 6 months

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oh how i love well-constructed character developments!! i understand more and more why q!roier became my favorite character so quickly from the beginning. and when i say that, it doesn't mean that i'm incapable of disagreeing with some of his actions and that's probably what i like most about the character. this current arc has been PAINFULLY DISTRESSING to watch, and i'm loving how all the actions match the character. is it being horrible and sad? yes, and that's why it makes so much sense.

q!roier saw his son dying in front of him without being able to do anything to help and when he thought he could save him in the end it was false hope that only brought pain. he went through and still goes through the grieving process, with a lot of anger buried inside him... and then to make everything worse, he went through two weeks of purgatory, he had to kill people who were important to him and when he thought he was going back "home" his entire family did not return with him. his son and sister hospitalized with no news of when they will get better. this isn't purgatory and much less home, it's more like hell. then he woke up to several people telling him "wow what a bad father you are!" "go take care of your son!" without even saying where leo and richas were, they threw a new child to a man who is completely destroyed mentally, emotionally and physically, still full of bruises and blood, unable to sleep. what a great idea, right?

poor kiddo, it breaks my heart to watch how pepito is being treated by his only father figure at the moment. "i'm scared" he said when he arrived at the adoption center, and then his first experience of having a family was being traumatized by his dad. he saw how the other kids are treated by their parents, how much tenderness there is in their interactions. "i loved bobby more" "do you see this castle? this city? i did all this for my son who died. but if you die i won't do anything so be aware of that, got it?" pepito is not at all to blame for the way his father treats him, he is just a child who deserved all the love, patience, affection and care. unfortunately, q!roier is not even sane enough to take care of himself right now, much less a child. pepito hugged him and he didn't even hug him back, he walked away and went straight to the top floor of the castle... he looked at a painting of bobby and threw himself off the balcony. unlike the reaction of other new parents, it wouldn't make ANY SENSE if q!roier immediately treated pepito the same way he treated bobby and richas, the way the character is acting makes perfect sense and has all the potential to develop into something incredible. but it is painful to watch, yep.

#q!roier #qsmp pepito #qsmp character analysis #qsmp roier #pepito the egg #pepito tiny smol baby i want to hug u so much it hurts :(

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rebeccathenaturalist · 2 years

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How Nature Makes Us Feel Better

A shiny new study just came out detailing nature’s restorative effects, specifically on children and adolescents. It’s an in-depth literature review that not only demonstrates the effectiveness of nature as a therapeutic tool, but supports the future use of standardized measures to make the study of ecopsychology, ecotherapy and similar practices more scientifically rigorous. The study is just the latest in a long line of research showing how nature makes us feel better.

Earlier this year, I wrote an article on nature’s effects on the brain. Mobile EEGs are able to record changes in the brain as study participants spend time outdoors, and multiple studies use their readings. This is an example of a more quantitative approach to studying the restorative effects of nature, in which certain metrics can be measured reliably over and over again.

But what, exactly, happens when nature makes us feel better? Let’s look at some of the measurable effects. (Note: I drew from a previous article of mine from several years ago for the following material, though it was a great opportunity to check in on more recent research.)

Physical Ways Nature Makes Us Feel Better

Increased Immune Function: This extensive literature review shows that time spent in nature improves immune function on a variety of levels. Studies show how time in nature can increase the number of white blood cells that help fight infection and other ailments: in senior citizens after exercising, and after forest bathing.

Improved Vision: Children are less likely to develop myopia (near-sightedness) when they spend more time outside. This study suggests that dopamine is a key player in this phenomenon. A literature review further supports the connection between eyesight and outdoor time.

Lower Blood Pressure: A 2020 study suggests that exposure to the UV light in sunshine can lower blood pressure. So can thirty minutes of outdoor activity (along with lowering symptoms of depression.) Forest bathing was shown to lower blood pressure in older people in a 2012 study. This study posits that nature’s effect on blood pressure may be accomplished through calming the sympathetic nervous system.

Improve Socioeconomic Conditions: Decreasing poverty is an incredibly important part of increasing intergenerational mobility in socioeconomically disadvantaged people. This 2019 study suggests that access to greenspace can reduce the chance of poverty by boosting creativity, emotional regulation, and academic performance. Another study links boosts in creativity with forest bathing, one particular use of greenspace. Moreover, greenspaces can also lower crime rates, another significant factor in improving conditions in disadvantaged communities.

As if all that wasn’t enough, this massive, comprehensive literature review has evidence that time in nature can not only lower blood pressure and resting heart rates, but also reduce the chances of heart disease, diabetes, and overall mortality. Speaking of mortality, here’s a study looking at how greenspace in particular can lower mortality in a stable community. And another one looking at lower mortality rates in urban areas with greenspace. And in case you thought that the effects of outdoor exercise was all about the exercise and not the setting, here’s one showing that mortality rates are lower when people specifically walk in greenspace.

Psychological Ways Nature Makes Us Feel Better

Reduced Rumination: Psychological rumination is basically when your mind gets stuck on some worry, painful memory, or other negative thoughts. It’s commonly associated with anxiety and depressive disorders. Unlike meditation or problem-solving thoughts, rumination doesn’t actually help a person make any changes to their distress, and may actually make it worse, like incessantly poking at a bruise.

Time in nature has been shown to reduce rumination in study participants. A 2021 study demonstrates that spending a dedicated amount of time in nature each week significantly reduces rumination as well as negative affect (in other words, a bad mood.) You don’t need to spend hours out there, though; a half an hour may be enough to see a difference. It needs to be actual nature, though, as this 2018 study shows; people who viewed a slideshow of nature photos did show an improvement in affect, but no reduction in rumination.

Cognitive Function: Time in nature can help sharpen our mental capacity in a number of ways. This thorough, multidisciplinary literature review explores several of the ways nature is restorative, and also suggests some ways to further categorize these effects to increase consistency in future research. Hospitals that have significant greenspaces are easier to navigate due to improved spatial awareness, mood, and other factors. Cognitive performance can even be boosted simply by listening to the sounds of nature. Working memory may be improved through time spent in nature. Time outside can counteract attention fatigue, that feeling when your mind is so tired you just can’t focus. Can’t get outside? Even looking out a window can improve attention. And it may only take a very short period of time to start getting positive cognitive effects.

Stress Reduction: Stress can seriously strain cognitive functioning, from attention to memory and more, never mind overall mental well-being. So reducing stress is a good idea all around. A twenty minute walk in nature was shown to lower levels of cortisol, a stress-related hormone. A 2022 study compared the activity of the amygdala–sort of the brain’s panic button–before and after time spent in nature. The amygdala was much less active after a walk outside. Most studies have participants engage in a specific activity over a set amount of time and often in the same location to help remove confounding variables. However, a 2019 study that allowed participants to set their own parameters for where and when they would have their nature experiences showed that they still had significant drops in cortisol after being outside.

A Healthier Environment: Workers who are able to look out on a greenspace fare better than those who don’t. While virtual reality greenspaces can contribute some benefit, it’s better to go with the real deal, and the more biodiversity, the better. As mentioned earlier, hospitals with greenspace not only improve cognitive performance, but they’re also more pleasing to staff and patients alike. This literature review supports the therapeutic value of healing gardens in hospitals. (Note: These studies often cover both physiological and psychological benefits of greener built environments.)

A Sense of Awe: Nature inspires us to experience deep feelings of awe, which has been shown to improve mental well-being in multiple demographics. This transcendent experience can be incredibly healing and formative. Even better, the experience of feeling awe in nature can lead to more eco-friendly behavior by making people feel more connected to the natural world.

Soft Fascination: This is a term coined by researchers Rachel and Stephan Kaplan to refer to the more relaxed, organic way our attention flows when we are in a nature-dominated environment as opposed to a largely artificial one. A 2019 study demonstrates that it simply takes less mental effort for us to view natural scenes. We also find spending time in nature to be more restorative than watching TV for the same reasons. Also, for the fun of it, here’s a neat study exploring the intersection of soft fascination, sense of humor, and mental well-being.

Resilience: Social distancing due to the COVID-19 pandemic prompted studies on how nature can increase resilience, including this one on urban nature, and another on adolescents’ mental well-being.

Studies showing the benefits of nature are just one step in making use of nature’s restorative properties. One of the themes you’ll run into again and again when exploring this topic is that greenspace is most definitely not evenly distributed, especially in urban areas. Wealthy and privileged communities have disproportionately greater amounts of greenspace compared to socioeconomically disadvantaged ones, which makes the issue of mental health and nature based therapy a social justice issue.

Moreover, many natural places are not accessible to disabled people. A significant lack of infrastructure to get disabled people to these spaces, and then allowing them to explore them as extensively as non-disabled people, means that there is a serious disparity. While there are efforts toward equality in this area as well, there is still plenty of room for improvement.

Finally, nature should not only exist for our benefit, but for its intrinsic value independent of our human agendas and biases. While personal restoration and rejuvenation are certainly good things to enjoy whenever we get the opportunity to go outside, and we shouldn’t feel any guilt or shame for how nature makes us feel better, I think it is very important that we not take our greenspaces for granted, and work to make sure they are preserved and restored for generations to come.

Did you enjoy this post? Consider taking one of my online foraging and natural history classes, checking out my other articles, or picking up a paperback or ebook I’ve written! You can even buy me a coffee here!

#long post #psychology #ecopsychology #ecotherapy #health #nature #forest bathing #shinrinyoku #gardening #outdoors #forests #gardens #mental health #mental illness #depression #anxiety #stress #resilience

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thesherrinfordfacility · 6 months

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Honest question, not trying to pick a fight, but what's Crowley traumatized from if it's not the Fall or whatever else Heaven did to him in the Before? I'm pretty sure he does have trauma (unless you're arguing he actually isn't that badly traumatized period?) and I somehow feel it would be counter-productive to no difference between the sides if that came exclusively only from what Hell did and none of it from Heaven. (I'll also say though it's certainly not proof in any way I do find it hard to imagine the experience not leaving any scars behind, eternal damnation and dive into boiling sulphur and all whatnot.)

hey anon!!!✨ nah, my opinion is that there just isn't the canonical evidence that crowley has suffered trauma at all. we don't know for certain how he fell, we don't know for certain the reason why he fell, and we don't know what his relationship with heaven/god was like before the fall. we definitely have insight into it, from:

pre-fall scene

how he treats his plants/the goats

his drunken ramblings in the pub

(and the seemingly contradictory "sauntered vaguely downwards to aziraphale)

the "unforgivable, that's what i am" thing at the bandstand

and various other things, his sneers at heaven etc etc.

all of these things, to my mind, can be definitely interpreted as symptoms of and responses to trauma... but he could also just be really bloody angry and upset by it. anger/sadness and trauma are not mutually exclusive, of course not - but not all trauma is anger/upset, and not all anger/upset is necessarily trauma. crowley has demonstrated that he's an unreliable narrator; imo, that's the thing that we should be taking as canon (that the fall may not have been what we're imagining it to be, and that crowley's account may be incredibly biased/inaccurate).

we're not shown anything that suggests he was abused by heaven, or suffered a singular huge, or any series of, shocking or distressing event/s. absolutely, you can read into everything shown to us so far and evaluate that, when the final puzzle pieces land, we will be shown that crowley definitely suffered trauma... but equally, what if we're not? what if we're shown that crowley's fall was... a bit bland?

i mean, what if it's the difference between crowley having been rejected by his peers/family, for something completely innocent, and then essentially put through unimaginable, torturous pain through the physical act of falling... and being sacked as part of a massive lay-off that he essentially volunteered for, but thinks was grossly unfair? those are obviously really contrived, polarising examples, deliberately on opposite ends of the spectrum, and the likelihood is that the true events are somewhere in the middle -

- but my point is ultimately that until we're shown exactly what happened, whilst what we've been shown so far doesn't preclude the possibility of trauma/crowley being traumatised, a possibility is all it is; imo, it's not exactly canon at all✨

#essentially. we need a fall scene #good omens #ask #crowley meta

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poppyandzena · 23 days

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I find it fascinating that Poppy has gone through exposure therapy, because she does not live by the tenets of it. Like at all.

Disclaimer: I am a lay person who went through exposure therapy for OCD. So please take my observations with a grain of salt. This is probably going to be way too long.

The entire point of exposure therapy is to confront your anxiety through repeated exposures to triggers over time. It starts out with small exposure exercises, and the exercises become more intensive as time goes on. The key to successful exposure therapy is to stop reassurance seeking, and stop avoidance behaviors. These behaviors actually make the distress/intrusive thoughts worse, because they unintentionally affirm your irrational fears/intrusive thoughts.

The best comparison would be physical therapy for a broken leg. The exercises hurt like a bitch, but you have to do them to regain your mobility. If you keep your leg in a limited range of motion, you're going to be stuck like that for the rest of your life. Avoidance behaviors are basically the equivalent of skipping exercises. Reassurance is like a crutch. You might need it at first, but if you refuse to stop relying on it, you’re never going to regain your emotional mobility/flexibility.

Exposure therapy is incredibly empowering. The deeper you go, the more your world opens up and you wonder how you ever lived like you did before. But it’s also incredibly painful, and often terrifying. You basically have to confront your worst fears every day in increasingly larger doses.

Now here are two examples I can think of off the top of my head where Poppy actively does the opposite of what exposure therapy teaches you. I could probably find more if I dug through the documents again.

Poppy made Noeh walk on eggshells about her other partners due to her intrusive thoughts about them. An exposure therapist would never recommend that. In fact exposure therapy is often a family affair, because your loved ones have to be convinced not to reassure you or help avoid the triggers. The healthiest path forwards would have been to let Noeh talk about her partners more frequently as time went on. Making Noeh constantly avoid the topic makes the intrusive thoughts and distress worse. You can actually see this in the logs. Poppy’s reaction gets more extreme after every incident.

Your therapist will challenge your version of reality, and they will push you to uncomfortable emotional places. It’s not exposure therapy if you're not being exposed to discomfort. The deeper you get into sessions, the more they will flat out refuse to comfort you or reassure you about your anxiety. This is because the entire point of doing treatment is so you don’t rely on reassurance and don’t engage in destructive behaviors to get that reassurance. So Poppy yelling at her therapist for not reassuring her enough about her “rape” is genuinely shocking. Someone in exposure therapy would usually never have that kind of relationship with their therapist

To be clear, I’m not accusing Poppy of lying about going through exposure therapy. I’m just shocked that she seems to have taken nothing from it.

I know there has been some discussion about exposure therapy being bad for people with dissociative symptoms. I can’t speak to that, as I do not experience those types of symptoms. However, I can say that dissociating through an exposure exercise kinda defeats the purpose. The point is not to stop feeling your feelings. The point is to learn how to feel your feelings without relying on maladaptive coping mechanisms.

^ 🧡🧡🧡

#poppy #poppy and zena #zena and poppy #poppy diabolique #ladydiabolique #poppy & zena #zenaandpoppyonyoutube #nf

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2-kamikou-1 · 5 months

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okay fuck it. fantasy shzrks (werewolf shizuku x vampire rui x dragon tsukasa) hcs because I can't get them off my mind.

I think that they would all live in this massive mansion that rui inherited from his parents. shiho and saki would be there too

it is incredibly easy to conceal vampirism for rui compared to the other two, especially because rui is so observant (and a little bit of a perfectionist...). contacts and sunscreen will do the trick and he can usually get away with telling someone he just has long canines. While he does get sluggish when he has to go out during the day (on account of. nocturnal) that doesn't really reveal much. most people just think he's just not a morning person.

While Shizuku does have a form that appears perfectly human, it takes a lot of energy for her to maintain that, so she prefers to stay in okamimi form (wolf ears & tail, slit pupils, larger canines, slightly longer hair and slight vocal changes). to hide this she'll usually just tuck her tail away in a long skirt/pants and wear a hat or headband. Also when she is in her wolf form while she does remain a shade of teal it looks enough like a pale gray for her to pass as a wolf or a large dog.

which, if i may paint you a picture: rui is out with shizuku and they are trying to pass as a human and a dog.

"aww cute dog what breed is she :)"

"uh uhhh uhhhhhh. gray" *running*

ANYWAY. for tsukasa trying to pass as human is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE, mainly because his wings and tail are MASSIVE. she can fold her wings against her back but it takes some careful precision and layering to hide it properly. what to do if no layers can be visible? duct tape. ❌ saran wrap. ❌ fabric padding beneath the clothes. ✅ usually his tail will get wrapped up in that too but sometimes on days he feels like wearing them he'll hide it in the frills of a fluffy long dress. usually long sleeves and pants will hide the scales but if that's not an option? sfx makeup is a specialty of both rui and shizuku's. (Each time they do that Tsukasa asks if they can make his arms look more muscular. They won't.)

All 3 of them are capable of animal transformation, shizuku a wolf as stated above, Rui a bat and Tsukasa a dragon.

shizuku is a wolf but she behaves like a large dog. Rui and Tsukasa are constantly getting snuggles from her. they will play with her like a dog. they will throw sticks in the forest and she will get lost trying to find them and she will howl for them and they'll effectively be playing marco polo til they find her and she gets SO clingy once she's gotten lost and scared <3

all that said, shizuku is really only comfortable being in her full wolf form around rui and tsukasa (and shiho). As such, full moon transformations tend to be hard on her. It's a forced transformation which makes it more painful and harder on her physically, and makes her more prone to violence. It scares her and she tends to be very confused and distressed during these transformations.

This is largely because she already faces so much backlash and disdain when she acts like herself as a human. And it still does affect her. As a seasoned idol, she knows that if she is something dangerous, something "ugly", it could spell disaster for her. This is why she takes care to make sure mmj doesn't know about her werewolf status, and much less any of her fans.

There are two people, though, that Shizuku can find solace around- Rui and Tsukasa, who don't react to her with disgust no matter what. (Obviously also shiho but 1. this is a shizuruikasa post and 2. shiho is also a wolf during shizukus transformations, so,,)

Rui and Tsukasa will do whatever they can to keep Shizuku safe during not just the night of the moon but the gibbous nights preceding and following it. Also, though, this often entails emotional support. which is effectively treating her like a massive puppy. i talked about this four paragraphs above I just didn't know how to connect the two

Shizuku gains less and less control over her ability to shift between forms as the full moon approaches (and as it begins to wane). During these nights she'll be much more tired, impulsive and irritable, and it becomes difficult for her to focus on things which is why at a certain point she'll stay home and her partners will take care of her like she's sick.

Rui will often opt to turn into a bat whenever he's stressed or anxious. which happens a lot because he's rui.

Rui can't feed off his partners due to them being different creatures- if he did he'd be turned, but he's already a vampire, and that would lead to some kind of fucked up chimera with a shit ton of complications, on the off chance it didn't just kill him. Vampires can feed off other vampires, so he'll often meet up with Mizuki to feed. Mizuki also has connections with Mafuyu who has connections with hospitals so he has a pretty solid supply.

While he doesn't need blood on the daily the way most other creatures diet's demand food (usually a substantial amount of blood about once a week will keep him fed fine), he will still sometimes go way longer than he should without it, which often makes him spiral. because there are occasions, though few and far between, where he can't get donated blood for one reason or another and he does have to attack humans. he hates doing this, but he needs the sustenance lest he get violent and aggressive.

Often this results in shizuku and tsukasa having to wrestle him into eating or helping him deal with the emotional ramifications of having to feed off a human.

While vampires need to consume blood, they are perfectly capable of eating anything else- it just lacks nutritional value for them (unless it contains blood somehow, but it's usually animal blood and therefore not quite as good). shizuku and tsukasa bring him candy whenever they can and rui collects the containers (something to do with your time when you're immortal).

circling back around to the "whenever rui has a bad day he turns into a bat", he will also often find places to hide in these instances. He is, however, a creature of habit. shizuku and/or tsukasa have come into his room, looked under his bed, found him hanging there in bat form and coaxed him out to talk through whatever happened more times than he would like to admit.

stew caca <3 he is capable of transforming into a moderately sized dragon. in both his forms he has wings so he can fly, but his dragon form is much more suited to such an activity, and he can fly higher and longer. he can also support more weight! sometimes shizuku and tsukasa get rides (saki is priority, though. sorry.)

While I did say above that Tsukasa does hide her draconic features from time to time, it is very difficult and often times she will just go out like that- this is a universe where fantastical creatures are known to exist, and Tsukasa has the privilege of being a type of creature that is largely respected.

Why is it, then, that he hides these features? sometimes he prefers to be seen past his hybrid status. as an esteemed actor and a creature that gets marveled at like a zoo animal, he doesn't...quite feel like he can form proper bonds with people. for a while she repressed that desire, but reuniting with Shizuku and meeting Rui rekindled it as they treated her with respect. As you can likely imagine, this means that Tsukasa is very comfortable around shizuku and rui for that reason- he feels like he's truly connected with them.

umm some miscellaneous abilities. tsukasa is capable of breathing fire in dragon form and manipulating it in hybrid form. He also has really good vision. think like a hawk. flying in the air needs to be able to see. rui is capable of echolocation as a bat and also has a less powerful sort of haemokinesis that serves mostly to allow him to intake as much blood as possible in a short time, although he doesn't like to use it. He is also quiet as fuck nobody can hear his footsteps. shizuku is ridiculously fast and also very resistant to the cold, like, supernaturally resistant to it. This isn't really a werewolf thing, but I think she should get to have some kind of hydro/cryokinetic abilities. because like. snow... wolves. maybe within a certain distance of her body she can make air moisture freeze into snow :3

#shizuruikasa #fantasy shizuruikasa #if you caught how some of these mirror real life issues then i love uou and you should not be concerned about me at all/silly

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chvoswxtch · 4 days

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Congrats on 4K!!!! Thats incredible!! You’re so talented and deserve for your work to be seen! ❤️

I’d like to order an americano from either Frank or Matt or Luke. (let’s be real, while I’m a Frankie girl at heart, sometimes it’s hard to choose between those men) and the song lyric is “Cause I'm no prophet or messiah/You should go looking somewhere higher/I’m only human after all” from Human by Rag’n’Bone Man.

Can’t wait to see the full celebration!

thank you so much honey!! 🖤

it is absolutely hard to choose, I mean look at them. that lyric totally fits luke though & as usual I got carried away but I don't think you mind so here you go :)

blurb below the cut

order for luke with a shot of human

you should go looking somewhere higher / i’m only human after all

“So that’s it then?”

Luke couldn’t even look at you. His guilty gaze flickered around your small apartment, dancing phantoms of memories appearing, memories that he’d miss when he walked out that front door for the last time. He couldn’t look at you. If he did, he’d see the treachery. He’d see the sadness and the disappointment woven into your irises. His skin was impenetrable, but his heart wasn’t.

“It’s what’s best-”

“Bullshit.”

Dragging his large palm down his face, Luke let out a ragged breath. He’d only met one other person in his life that could be as stubborn as you. He could hear the challenge in your voice, and he didn’t need to look at you to see the defiance in your stance. He could feel it. You wanted an explanation, but what was he supposed to say? That your life was safer without him in it? He'd rather eat a bullet than speak those words out loud, even if he knew they were true. All his life, all Luke had tried to do was the right thing, but somehow he kept fucking it up. The more good he tried to do, the more harm seemed to come to everyone around him. He couldn’t do that to you.

He wouldn’t.

“Someday…you’ll thank me for this.”

Luke turned to walk towards your front door with determined steps, feeling like a coward for not even being able to look you in the eye. But the pain he heard in your voice made him freeze in place.

“You really think I’d ever thank you for breaking my heart? For doing the one thing you promised me you’d never do?”

The raw emotion in your tear soaked words made him physically flinch. The night he first told you he loved you, Luke had made you a promise as sacred as a vow, sealing it with the juvenile ritual of crossing his finger over his heart. He swore to you he’d never leave. He never wanted to, especially not like this. You deserved more than he could give.

Anger and resentment seared in his bloodstream, not at you, but at himself. Luke had once thought being powered was a gift, something that he could use to help change the world for the better. But instead it had proven to be more of a curse that plagued anyone that got too close to him.

“Luke-”

“I am not the hero you think I am!”

The look in your eyes was worse than he anticipated. Intermingled with the melancholy was the shock of his loud selfish outrage echoing in the small space. He’d never lost his temper with you, and it was just one more thing he added to his ever growing list of indefinite regrets. Lowering his head in shame, his features contorted in affliction. His voice was quieter when he spoke, laced with remorse and self condemnation.

“I’m not…I’m not what you think I am.”

“No, you’re not what you think you are.”

Luke lifted his head, staring down at you in a mixture of confusion and distress, his dark brown eyes searching yours desperately. Giving a small shake of your head, you took a few steps closer towards him, reaching for one of his hands to hold.

“You put too much on your own shoulders. I know you can do extraordinary things, and you can’t physically be hurt, but you’re still human underneath that bulletproof skin. You’re allowed to make mistakes, and those mistakes don’t erase all the good you’ve done.”

“Baby-”

“You go out of your way to help people that really need it. And you don’t do it for money or fame or any of that. You do it because it’s who you are, and who you are is a good man, Luke Cage.”

Feeling your hands travel from his forearms up his biceps, caressing over his broad shoulders, and finding their home on either side of his face, Luke dipped his head and gave into your embrace, circling his arms around your waist to pull you in close. He could do a million good deeds, save a million lives, and he’d still never deserve you.

“There is nothing you could do that would ever change how I feel about you. I don’t care if you’re a hero. I love you.”

Closing his eyes, Luke let out a deep breath, feeling the tension in his body physically dissipate.

“I don’t ever want anything to happen to you because of me.”

“It won’t.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because if it does, I’ll just stand behind you.”

Letting out a deep chuckle, Luke pulled back slightly to look down at you, arching one of his ebony brows as an amused grin split across his lips.

“Oh you got jokes tonight, huh?”

“For now. But the next time you try to break up with me instead of talking to me, I’m not going to be so forgiving.”

#court's 4k followers celebration #court's 4k friends celebration #court's cafe #luke cage #luke cage x you #luke cage x reader #luke cage blurb #luke cage request

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