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awoogahonkhonk · 4 months

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There’s actually a lot of TWST characters who I think would (or wouldn’t) partake in the devils lettuce sooo here are some TWST weed Headcanons.

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Also, Ik they teens. Teens, don’t do drugs. But I did as a teen and am still not of age, high while writing this soooo yeah. Please remember that this is fiction and these are fictional characters.

Note: not all characters are in this list. If I didn’t add a character it’s either cause I had nothing of substance to say about them or I don’t know the character enough to make a proper headcanon. Also if I say something wrong I’m sorry I’m not a connoisseur I just do what I get.

Warning(s): General talk about weed, Yuu is a stoner(maybe idk) in this, cursing, unedited and written by someone under the influence

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Riddle Rosehearts: As much as I want him to, and I think he would actually benefit from it, he wouldn’t. Especially pre overblot but also post. And it’s more than it’s against the rules. All he knows about marijuana is what he’s learned from the anti drug PSA’s his moms had him watch. And he hates the smell. And his fragile lungs can’t take smoke. And he doesn’t trust edibles or like the taste. So, as much as I want him to just give it a chance and chill tf out, it’s a firm no.

Trey Clover: He’s impartial. Doesn’t like smoking, or getting high in general but he doesn’t have anything against others doing it. May smoke in group settings but rarely. He will 100% make some fire weed brownies if you ask. Also, number one guy to be with if you get the munchies.

Cater Diamond: I think he’s tried it, had a bad high, and never touched the stuff again. Might be convinced to try again with some close friends but only if they know what they’re doing. Also, acts like he knows what he’s doing but ends up hacking up a lung.

Ace Trappola: Yeah why not. He’s down to try anything once. Actually likes being high with people, like him and Deuce and Yuu have reg smoke sessions and he loves it. Just likes the feeling idk. I don’t think he smokes alone tho. Likes flavored pens.

Deuce Spade: Will attend every smoke session and get a second hand high but will rarely actually participate. He thinks he has to be the responsible one while Yuu and Ace get high off their asses. But he’s not against smoking a little every once in awhile.

Leona Kingscholar: For sure dude. Someone is almost always on something in Savanaclaw so he’s been around his fair share and tried a couple things. Doesn’t like the smell from joints cause yk beast man heightened everything. So he prefers edibles or pens. Pens still stink to him but not as bad. Casual stoner. It helps him sleep when everyone in his dorm is all riled up over nothing. Gave Ruggie his first edible but was not happy when he had to take care of him after he greened out. (I have so many nsfw thoughts about Leona and smoking with Yuu omg don’t)

Ruggie Bucchi: Like I said, first time he had an edible he greened out. In his defense, the dosage was way too much. Leona kinda forgot he wasn’t as tolerant as him. He didn’t really want to do it again after that but he figured out smoking was easier cause he could gage where he was better. So now he’s a lil stoner. High Ruggie = ravenous Ruggie. Like Fr you’d think this kid was starving the way he was shoveling shredded cheese into his mouth, straight out the bag.

Azul Ashengrotto: Just gonna make a blanket statement now, none of the mer students smoke. They aren’t technically supposed to have lungs and filling those lungs with smoke is just painful. So he doesn’t smoke. He’ll do an edible every so often, usually to help him sleep, but that’s it. IS the campus dealer tho. He knows a guy. He knows quite a few guys actually. Hooks everyone up, for a price.

Jade Leech: Never has, never will. Has absolutely no interest in it. Doesn’t like not being in control of himself. Will be around when others get high though, he thinks it’s hilarious. Especially when people do too much and get sick.

Floyd Leech: Complete opposite of his brother. Will get high anytime, anywhere, with anyone. It hurts to smoke, like I said previously, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t trying. It’s actually getting better. He also thinks smoking looks cooler than edibles. High Floyd is a very cuddly monster. Will squeeze anyone who gets close enough. Just be thankful that he’s too out of it to use his full strength.

Vil Schoenheit: Will loudly advocate against it and ban his dorm from doing it but probably has a secret stash somewhere. Only Rook knows about it. He’s stressed ok?! You try being a famous actor/model/fairest in the land.

Epel Felmier: My boy wants to. He really does. He thinks it looks so cool, and if Yuu can do it so can he! But the smoke burns his lungs and edibles taste bad. But that doesn’t stop him from trying!

Idia Shroud: OKAY so there are two ways I could write this. Cannon how he probably is, or headcannon how I want him to be and see him as. Cannon, he probably talks a big game but actually knows jack shit about drugs of any kind. And is kinda scared to try. But he will, to seem cool. Ends up coughing up his heart but he tried and that’s what counts. And now he can officially say he’s ‘done weed’. Headcannon, Idia as a little loner stoner. It calms his nerves and makes it easier to talk to people. Usually if he’s out of his dorm, he’s high. He’s also high when he’s in his dorm. It helps him sleep and he thinks better with a lil weed in his system. May have developed a small codependency but that’s okay(no it’s not seek help). Mr wake and bake.

Malleus Draconia: Weed? Like, dandelions? What? He’s so confused when someone offers. Why would you smoke weeds? Lilia has to explain it to him three different ways before he gets it. He’ll try, but please give him an edible. It’s for your own safety. His lungs could probably take the smoke but if he ends up taking a hit too big he will cough up flames and not little ones. Very spacey once he’s high. Will stair at the ceiling for hours and say absolutely nothing.

Lilia Vanrouge: Has, will, wants to rn actually. Lilia lived through the 70s, he’s done almost every drug known to man, and probably some not yet known, at least once. Why not? He can take it. Doesn’t smoke often but also does? Idk how to explain it. Likes flavored cartridges more than anything else. The weirdo who fucks with cotton candy. He gets bad cotton mouth tho so… I mean, if you believe in the vampire theory like I do…👀

Silver: The first time he smoked was with his dad. He walked in on Lilia and a bong when he was like 15 and Lilia was like cmon m’boy. Now, he’s concerned that Lilia wasn’t more careful and exposed him so young but that also means he has an okay relationship with weed. Like, he’s able to make his decision firmly due to plenty of experimentation. He hates smoking and edibles generally but will absolutely body some weed brownies.

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lizardinkart · 1 year

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Lizard Reads Ward

Arc 1: Daybreak

Lizard’s Cry Counter: 2

TL;DR: A Victoria-focused arc that dragged a bit in places but ultimately felt like everything we needed to know about her (and more). I wished it’d started closer to the fight but having the fight, the trauma, and the family drama laid out felt like the groundwork that was missing from the prologue, especially with the shifted role of Amy. Wish that we had a little more about the other characters introduced in the prologue tho. 8/10 Aight! Let’s get wormin’!

So in my brain I’ve split the arc in to 3 parts, pre-fight, fight, and post-fight, so I’ll talk about the arc in terms of those mini-arcs. Mini-Arc 1: Pre-Fight (Victoria, not Glory Girl)

Ok the fact that the city is Gold colored is hilarious to me. This is Children’s Hospital Red™ levels of awful design choices, somebody really just said color theory in context is fake. I also appreciate the later indications that most of The City is in fact shittily built but hey shitty shelter is better than no shelter I guess (also relatable as someone looking at apartments). Other worldbuilding things I was thinking about since Wildbow really wants us to see the cool world he built (but it’s not really about the world tbh)- the technology of post-GM is so weird. Like you have dial-up internet but it also works perfectly fine and technology works when you need it to. Like I’m sorry but Reddit-AOL would be so much buggier. But all that being said, it’s really funny to see the irl jump in technology from when WB was writing Worm to when he was writing Ward, because Taylor’s flip phone vs smartphone drama was so real and relatable, and now dial-up internet just works on smartphones...I’m baffled. anywho! Onto Victoria lol. So Victoria is working with the new kiddie PRT- awesome, very cool. I appreciate the focus on her wanting to still feel heroic even if she gets that massive body dysmorphic/dysphoric (yes, both) feeling from actually using her powers. Though I also appreciate the small touches we see when she’s on her way to work with a much better mirror scene than the opening of Worm, her interactions with the one hero during the obelisk incident show that she still gets heroes and feels bad for the shit being thrown their way (idk, it gave me big closeted queer energy, queer-to-queer communication in a queerphobic environment one might say). “Nice response time” really is the dorkiest shit to say tho and I appreciate it. Victoria is a dork. I also appreciate the setup with her parents, laying the groundwork for what’s to come later. Also that she enjoys working with the disillusioned and directionless kids/teens, cause that really is a thing that is the kind of selfless-selfish pull that I think Victoria is shown to be struggling with (finding the balance in the healing process is difficult!). While I felt like this part really did drag the most in the arc, I think there were some really good parts that make it worth it. And it leads into the first Wildbow fight of the story! Woohoo! Mini Arc 2: The Fight (The Trauma Hammer)

Oh boy I do love me some Wildbow fights. I felt my little storyboarder brain light up because there were some God-tier moments in here that I wanted to draw sooooo bad. But alas, too many, not enough time.

Crystalclear is cool as hell and I think he may be one of my faves of the new powers so far, he’s a very Wildbow-concept hero and I do really appreciate the man’s flare for the complex and flashy. Tempera is also cool, and Fume Hood is a snarky bitch and I love her. What a queen. She did not deserve to get shot (maybe a little tho).

But overall there was some great tension in the ticking clock leading up to the fight, and seeing how shit played out was super fun as always, I was not expecting the 18-wheeler to come out of nowhere but it was a very fun time. I gotta say tho, I know Lord of Loss and Snag are important, but I for the life of me could not keep them straight in my brain since Snag made Victoria feel Loss, but like, that’s LoL’s name lmao.

And on the topic of loss: oof. I did not call this the Trauma Hammer for nothing lol. This is where things went from meh to great for me in this arc, because since Victoria’s story was so ancillary to Worm, I had 1) forgotten how she triggered, and 2) didn’t really remember too much about the specifics of her story outside of the hospital interlude. But god, just sitting in her shoes through falling in love with Dean, losing him, losing her family, feeling inadequate to the rest of her family, and the ever-present looming threat of Her (that we will get to, don’t worry lol), it was just so helpful in really honing in on Victoria’s entire ish that is rattling around in the background. As someone who does characters like this, esp in TTRPGs, having that context of someone’s thought process really is helpful to have in understanding how you’re supposed to interpret the character, even if you’re already in their head (since characters and people lie to themselves, see: Taylor). But yeah, since Victoria avoids those thoughts anyway, it was clever to give them to us up front. And the fact that it happened while she was being a hero again? Kickass. Loved it.

Mini Arc 3: Post- Fight (Her)

Oh my god this family is messy. I have essays I could write on Carol Dallon and just the Dallons in general but I think I’ll get the chance to eventually cause this is already too long lol. But oh my GOD I truly was thinking “yeah this is gonna go poorly, maybe some passive-aggressive family stuff, getting overwhelmed, getting pie and then leaving”, but holy SHIT the fact that Carol really just ambushed Victoria with lawyer speak and finessed the entire narrative of what was going on- jesus. Manipulative ass snake, but in such a relatable way.

Once again, have been in that situation before and the way that Victoria goes from like a 2 to 1000 in 0.2 seconds when all the pieces come together- holy shit if that is not the exact feeling of trauma. I know the “#triggered” discourse is old hat at this point, but man I could feel myself get short of breath and panicky when Vicky got trauma triggered in this chapter (this is the spiritual Cry Point). It was so convincingly written that I wanna hold Wildbow in my hands to make sure he’s good.

But I’m proud of how Victoria handled herself, definitely snaps for that therapy working its magic, but man. The Amy Ambush (an Am(y)bush if you will, yes haha joke away), was so something I did not see coming this early, but I’m glad that it did because holy fuck. Victoria talking about moving on and then her family (mom) “moving on” but in a “forgive with an emphasis on forget” kinda way really does leave Victoria in a place that proves all that feeling of inadequacy right, and it’s crushing. But it provides that big stumbling block for her to overcome esp when she finds her new group.

And seeing how many times she was forced to confront her worst moments and she still actively avoided Amy... oh baby. As an Amy Enjoyer (less “condoning her actions” more “study her like a bug”) I am highly intrigued in how this is gonna go. This is 7 levels of Fucked Up.

I screamed with joy when Dr. Yamada showed up, I am in love with her and think she is wonderful, and also a great addition to the central cast of this story (esp in a story about healing from trauma? YES get the therapist in there). Also Crystal is wonderful and a good ally for Victoria, and I appreciate Victoria’s need to scrutinize both public and private Aesthetic (shoutout to me and Crystal vibing as 2 fun ADHD individuals).

Also a shoutout for Gilpatrick because he’s cool and funky and a good boss. Get u someone like Gilpatrick.

Bonus: The Interlude!

I would give my left kidney for Moose. I’m kicking Prancer’s ass, and I hope Velvet keeps her truck forever and ever. A better love story than her and Prancer tbfh. Also Nursery is so cool guys, she’s so neat. I love the weird shit being done with powers so far in Ward.

AND A MARQUIS CAMEO HELLO???? HUSBAND?????? Sorry I really like Marquis lol.

Final Thoughts

The only things I would criticize this arc for that lowered it a bit in my eyes is that the prologue really didn’t do a fantastic job of prepping us to only focus on Victoria. I wished we had sped things along a bit with getting to the others from PHO, even with little PHO interludes interspersed in to let us know what these guys were up to. Bc like, this really did feel like 3 arcs so I feel like we could have used another interlude or 2, just for spice and to break things up a little. Like a commercial break!

The other thing is Wildbow’s uh... underlying ish breaking through. I know Ward was written in the shadow of Worm for him, but there are some parts of these chapters that just feel very mean-spirited and pointed towards people who enjoyed certain parts of Worm. Mainly stuff that could be construed as “fandom” things, or things that fandom would like, that Wildbow seems to be very overt in saying “hey, fuck you for liking/engaging with this.” I dunno, it may just be me, but that kinda attitude cropping up often enough for me to notice the pissed-off hand of the author was off-putting and distracting from I think the greatest parts of this arc. Because it is a good story, it just feels like the occasional potshots WB takes are more coming from his own bitterness than Victoria’s, and are ultimately detrimental to the story as a whole. Idk, I will try not to bring it up so often, but it’s definitely something that’s running in the back of my head and I hope that it subsides soon-ish.

But all of that to say, I enjoyed the arc! It was a solid opening that’s got me really excited to read more (which by this point, I have, and I will be writing up my arc 2 thoughts shortly lol), and the Trauma Hammer really hit home in a way that felt earnest and really earned.

That’s all for now tho! As always, I’m happy to discuss stuff wherever, so let me know what you thought of the arc if you’ve read Ward!

Until next time: Ward out ✨

#lizard’s ward thoughts #ward #ward spoilers #ward web serial #victoria dallon #amy dallon #panacea #carol dallon #wildbow #live blogging #glory girl #antares #ward arc 1

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haysprite · 1 year

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i know Susie has a school id where it says the year 1993 - 1994 therefor she would be a senior in 1996 but I do not care. Susie is still a 16 year old and a sophomore in my eyes. I don't know how but to me it's not fun where they are all the same age and besides most people who Susie is 18 are kind of creepy.

I love spending a whole 25 minutes of my morning writing a response, and then having it completely delete itself before I could hit post !!! It's so much fun !!! I totally don't wanna cry or anything !!! Lol anyway-

God yeah, I honestly just completely disregarded that part of the ID :o) Like her last name and natural hair color? Cool ! But the dates,,, Nahhh I don't think so! Like, I get *why* BHVR had to age her up (I believe they had to do it with the canonical 17 year old fellas from Licensed shit as well), but eughgjdlkfs it's still annoying as hell. I just wanna know why video games have different... Standards (?) compared to books and movies, if that makes sense? Especially considering that she's a *Killer* (so no violence is done to her), and not a Survivor enduring the shitty events of the Trials. I dunno, it just feels dumb to me.

There's just something about the idea of this diverse friend group of teens (age, background, etc) that's just really intriguing to me? Like imagining how they all interacted Pre-Fog (both in and out of school) as well as how participating in the Trials effects each of them/their motives for actively following the Entity's orders. I dunno, I feel like if they were all the same age (still all younger than Frank considering that he was the oldest at Julie's party), it just wouldn't be as interesting to me. You can just mess around with the dynamics a lot more, and also it just makes a lot more sense for her to be younger than the other three story wise, or at least in the way I write her ig.

You can bounce around this idea by saying that Frank was 19 when he actually arrived to Ormond or when he met the rest of the Legion, and not when he got taken into The Fog, meaning that he'd be roughly 21-22 in the end instead, but ehhhdlfksj idk ? It kinda takes the fun out of the whole concept of this rebellious group of teens who drank and smoked n all that stuff (I'd like to mention that Alberta's drinking age is 18 when bringing point this up). Also I feel like it just opens a whole 'nother can of inconsistency worms unless you played around with their Lore a LOT. Like obviously you can work with their Lore however you please, I'm not gonna stop ya considering how much I've personally rewritten n' whatnot (mainly for consistency, but still)! It's just personally not for me, but you do you, boo 😘

And oh yeah, agreed, I find that a lot people use the "But she's 18!!!" to their advantage... Like,,, Fine, sure, whatever, but it still rubs me the wrong way seeing gross shit of her considering the fact that she was most likely originally a sophomore (aka roughly 16). Like again, BHVR backpedaled like they usually do and changed some lore yet again, so technically these people off the hook (ha), but I still get bad vibes from it. There's SOOOOOO many other characters, both Survivors and Killers, that you're free to do whatever your little heart desires with. But Susie? Please just leave her be :( I personally get uncomfy with that stuff with all of them tbh, especially since they're still high school students (Frank and Julie I'm more lenient with since they're my age), but that's just me ig. If Daddy BHVR says they're legal, then I guess people can just do whatever.

I will also take this time to say that I don't personally enjoy violence against minors (whether they're super young or on the verge of adulthood)! I find it interesting to see what drives these characters to do what they do, but I don't like seeing them in any gross situations, including extreme violence/gorey shit (like on the Final Destination end of the scale, if that makes sense). I'll never include any shit like that in my personal work, including both art and writing (my art is a lot more lighthearted, but my writing, although generally SFW, does sometimes include gore n shit). Just thought I'd throw this out there!

ALSO I'D LIKE TO ADD SOMETHING THAT DRIVES ME NUTS AS WELL !!! Julie, yeah? Her first cosmetic, Suspended, is quite literally under the Collection Name "Fairview Senior", along with Frank's (I still personally believe them to be a grade apart, but I thought I'd add that as well). But then,,, Saturday Slasher (aka the Bush Party recolor) is,,, Under "Sophomore Jitters" ????? What ????????????? Why ??? For what reason ??? Like they were literally released 4 years apart, just make a new collection or add it to a different one that MAKES SENSE ??? Whatever ig, I don't come to DBD for consistent Lore anymore (or anything consistent, considering how much they've fucked up with Julie and Susie's models lmfao, that's a whole other rant for another day), but it still drives me nuts :o)

Again, I'd like to clarify that a lot of my personal views on this subject are very related to how I, Miss Cherry Haysprite, your local Frank/Julie enthusiast, personally interpret the lore! Their lore is so damn inconsistent that at this point I've just given up trying to figure out what's actually canon or not (maybe the comic will fix some of this, but honestly I feel like it might make things more messy), so I just go along with whatever I think fits and respect everyone else's interpretation! Honestly, one of my favorite parts about Fanon Legion are the different interpretations and how people enjoy writing them, whether or not I actually like said interpretations or not! They're just a fun group of characters to work with and I love seeing how people prefer writing them, especially compared to my own thoughts and ideas! I'm just one person with her own lil spin on things :3c I just personally wish there was more consistency and less backpedaling in the Canon that we do have :( But again, what can ya do lmfao

#christ i didnt mean to get so ranty #this is just something thats bugged me for a while #like when i first saw the id i was v excited #cause yay #susie :D #we finally got her last name #and even her natural hair color #but ljkfdsjlkfds oh boy #it just reminds me how much bhvr has changed #like i totally get needing to change shit for legal reasons #as well as wanting to change parts of your story later on #im somethin of a writer myself #i get it #but jesus christ i just wish things were more consistent #especially considering that a lot of julies tome felt like it just #hurt some parts more than expanding upon em #i will not forgive them for forgetting about jeff painting the mural #even her tome video drives me absolutely fucking bonkers #but ive just come up with my own theories instead #that i honestly really like and am planning on adding to my stories #since it can help me expand upon julie some more #yippee ! julie ! <3 #anywho i gotta stfu and go take a final now #have fun reading whatever the fuck this rant became ha

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aspiring-artist-em · 9 months

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soo my Bestie showed me ur ao3 acc and fem!au and I saw that people asks u some questions well if u don't mindI want too. It's such a good job btw I love it. So I was thinking about why it's just genderswitch wolfstar but not Jamie and Pete? Like how they even became in group? I mean like little pre-teen boys James & Pete might be embarrassed to share something like secret with Sirius because all these "she's a girl" stereotypes. And I think Remus don't mind but Sirius was brought up not to discuss her "personaly" life and her "feminine problems" with anyone cause it's shame and here James falls on her head and all that. AND I probably lost the thought line– hope you're understand lol

Thank you!!! I really love the fact that u like it, because it means that I have to be doing something right lmao. As for ur questions, do NOT feel bad about asking them, they make me think about the world I created more in depth and work out the details yk?

so I get what ur saying, I did wolfstar bc I wanted to write lesbian wolfstar but didn't wanna deal with gender swapping everyone (quite a hassle for my small brain to deal with), they met in the hogwarts express and I would like to think they James and Pete think that Sirius and Remus are "not like other girls, they're cool, they don't care about makeup or girly things they just wanna play pranks" (they don't portray themselves like that, it's just like, oh they're an exception bc of the pranks etc). The big problems don't start to arise until Sirius is 14 and by then they have 3-4 years of friendship behind them. James doesn't know the extent to everything, like at all. He's a little clueless as to what's going on in her head, all James and Pete know is something happened, Sirius isn't the same but we need to stick by her bc Gryffindor loyalty. She doesn't tell them, they're in the dark and like, just witnessing her trauma responses. Sirius asks james what happens when she's not all there but she never really tells him much yk? James and Sirius are platonic soulmates in my mind, no matter the gender, and they're best friends and so there's more trust extended to him yk? Sorry my brain is scattered, I had to wake up early for work, but like, I hope u get the idea.

Again, thank u so much for reading, im still writing part 10 and idk what to write but my brain is starting to work again lol

#em speaks #ems opinions #ems thoughts #tumblr asks

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fonulyn · 1 year

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I'm just curious, but how do you see Leon and Sherry's relationship? Cuz I've seen their relationship portrayed as sibling like and as father daughter, which is both great very cute, but at the same time Piers and Sherry are basically the same age. So, I was just wondering if you think Leon had like a bit of a crisis when it came to Piers' age?

honestly, I personally am not into the father-daughter thing. nothing wrong with it, if one likes it, so i'm not trying to say it's somehow inherently bad or anything! but it's not for me, for multiple reasons.

in re2 when they meet, Leon is only 21, and I have a hard time believing he'd look at a pre-teen he's just met and go "daughter!" it might be different if he was older, or if Sherry was younger, who knows, but as is I really can't see that happening in the short timeframe they spend together. it makes much more sense to me that he feels responsible for her and takes on a sort of a brotherly role. I've seen people say he must feel like her dad because he's protective and hell no lmao I'm fiercely protective of my brother and I certainly don't feel like his mom.

now if he actually got to raise her, if she had stayed with him and they would've become a some kind of a family unit, then I could definitely see him becoming a father figure for her, and it'd probably develop pretty naturally too. but he doesn't. the canon timeframe is a bit vague but they don't spend that much time together and I sincerely doubt that any kind of fatherly feelings would've evolved for him.

when it comes to Sherry, i could maybe see it more, because she's 12 and at that age an adult is an adult lmao she probably doesn't really distinguish strongly between 21 or 31 or 41. so she could more easily see him as a father figure than he would see her as a daughter, imo. but even then, in re6, Sherry says that Claire and Leon are "the best friends she's ever had" which doesn't exactly sound like she's describing something parent-kid like. not to say you can't be friends with your parents, i sure am friends with mine, but it'd be a weird way to word it idk.

SO this is my long-winded way of saying that I see them as a brother-sister type of deal more than anything :'D the whole canon is a hot mess when it comes to it because on one hand they try to make it sound like they're bestest friends and on the other hand Sherry is missing for six months and Leon goes "oh i heard u became an agent" which is so fucking weird okay. capcom learn to write better please.

and because canon doesn't give anything super definitive, I like to imagine either that they stayed in contact on some level or that at the very least they reconnected after some time and are actual friends. that is what i want for them. friendship. they both sure need friends and support.

but as for the rest of your question lol (sorry I'm rambly) it doesn't mean Leon can't have a bit of a brief crisis about Piers's age :'D I only have a few years between me and my brother but he will always be a baby to me (he is over thirty, fyi, lmao) so dating someone his age would be a bit of a "omg i'm seeing someone my baby sibling's age" before getting used to it :'D

#re answers #anonymous #ask and i shall answer #no shade if any of you see them as a father daughter type of thing #but i never did #and never will :'D #it doesn't make sense to my brain

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servin-up-surveys · 2 months

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survey #200

Where were your parents born? Mom is from New York and Dad is from Ohio.

Have you ever used public transportation to get to work? No.

Who in your family has the coolest job? Idk, honestly.

Have you found your first gray hairs yet? No.

What is your favorite food to put gravy on? I hate gravy.

Do you know anyone from Canada? I do! My ex's best friend had a long-distance relationship with a Canadian, and during one of her visits, Jason and I hug out with them. We're still Facebook friends, I like her a lot.

What's your opinion on astrology? If you want my honest opinion, I think it's laughable to even consider. Take responsibility for your own actions and feelings.

Do you use TikTok? No.

Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? Yikes, no.

Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? Doesn't matter to me. I'm less shy and awkward around women, but.

Are you good at hiding your feelings? NO

Can you drive a stick shift? I've never tried, so no.

Do you care if people talk badly about you? I wish I didn't, but I do.

Are you going out of town soon? No.

Does anyone hate you? I'm sure.

Do you think you'll be married in 5 years? I feel like probably.

Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? I've been in the same relationship for two and a half years.

What’s the best part about school? Regularly seeing friends. It helped to fight my social anxiety/reclusiveness and stuff.

Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? Yeah, I've had the same account since I joined as what, a pre-teen? Oftentimes I want to make a new one, however I've liked so many pages (primarily for memes) that I don't want to start over lmfao. LITERALLY the main reason I don't start fresh.

Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? I didn't; I was a teacher's pet very keen on not causing trouble.

Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? That would be my mother, and it'd be quite problematic if I found her attractive in the way you're talking. I think she's beautiful, and her smile is the greatest one in the whole world, but there's no sexual attraction there.

Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Yeah. It's way healthier and deeper with my mom, but.

How do you want to die? Old age, I guess. Surrounded by family.

When was your last physical fight? Never.

Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? The longest I've stayed up consistently is three days, because I was manic.

Ever made out in the bathroom? No, that sounds so uncomfortable to me lol.

Are you scared of spiders? In general, no. I've come to love them. HOWEVER, they can still startle me if I'm not expecting one. As animals though, they're lovely and EXTREMELY interesting!!

What is/are/were your best subject(s)? English/writing, art, and German.

Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? Yes. It's a shitty feeling.

Do you have trust issues? Yes. I do think they've improved, but they're still there for sure.

Favourite food? I'm so unhealthy dude, I would straight-up say chocolate, but let's be real, that's not a proper food. As far as "real" answers go, cheeseburgers, probably. Still unhealthy.

Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Hell fucking no. I think what's happening in Palestine as we speak is enough fucking proof of that. Whoever has the fucking audacity to say things like kids getting cancer has a reason, how fucking dare you.

Is cheating ever okay? No, it's not.

What makes you happy? Seeing any footage of meerkats.

Is there anyone you would die for? There's honestly a lot of people I would die for, deadass.

What’s the best news you’ve gotten lately? Um... I'm not sure?

^And, the worst? My mom's cancer is back; there's a new growth in her abdomen that will require surgery to remove ASAP. I've been really struggling with it, like we were fully aware it was GONNA come back at some point, her diagnosis was too advanced not to, but I'm still scared. I'm SO convinced I don't have much time left with her, because of course a scan revealed its return AFTER she had to stop her cancer med because it's been three years, and continuing it would put her too deeply at risk for bone marrow cancer, which would be way bigger of a problem.

Do you like getting dressed up? Rarely.

Would you be embarrassed to find out you snored loudly in public? I would be mortified, probably.

Are you reading any books at the moment? Yes; it's Sign of the Moon in the "Omen of the Stars" plot arc of Warriors by Erin Hunter. What a mouthful.

When was the last time you had a tick on you? It's been years, probably. I'm like, deathly afraid of ticks, so I avoid areas where I know they'd be common. It's a fear I need to get over though since I aspire to be a wildlife/nature photographer, and also because I DESPERATELY want to be a herper when my legs are more reliable. I regularly have dreams about herping, this isn't just a shallow want, I feel like my fuckin soul wants it.

Have you been to the Grand Canyon? No, but I'm dying to visit one day.

Do you like grapes or raisins better? I only like grapes, raisins are horrendous.

What is the picture on the desktop on the computer you’re using? A meerkat among flowers that I edited to be light pink.

Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? No, this is a terrifying concept to me.

Do you believe in ghosts? Yeah. I don't know how aware I think spirits are, but I definitely believe in the remnants of sentient life existing in SOME way.

Would you ever stay overnight in a haunted house? Oh fucking totally.

When was the last time you had an injection? What for? When I was at the ER for an asthma attack, I think. I had so many needles in me that night lol.

Is there anything you cannot wait to be over? Yes, this struggle to find a medication that helps my depression and its symptoms, especially anhedonia. It was recently decided that I'm going to retry Latuda and Lamictal, which was my absolute miracle combination in 2017, however I eventually became immune to its effects, hence why I stopped. It apparently is possible to lose immunity to these kinds of medications though, so we're HOPING that'll be the case for me with the combo that literally saved my entire life.

What was the last thing you had done at the dentist? Hmmm... I feel like it was a normal cleaning?

Does your best girlfriend have any talents that you don’t? She is a BRILLIANT makeup artist.

What color eyes does the last person you kissed have? Brown.

Did your parents ever read stories to you before bed? My mom did.

What are you listening to? I'm watching/listening to a Gab Smolders Dark Souls LP.

Do you like hickeys? I only mind them if they're in obvious spots that make them publicly awkward lol. Otherwise, I'm a biter so I can't say shit lmao

Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? No, not anymore.

Do you have any summer plans yet? No.

Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? Oh boy, he's seen me full-on fall apart.

Are most of your friends guys or girls? The majority of my closest friends are actually nonbinary.

Who do you text the most? My mom.

Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? I don't think so, but ESPECIALLY not if it's a very young baby. I am not meant to be a parent figure.

Do you miss your last sweetie? No. I sometimes miss how tight our friendship was, and how at home I felt around her in person, but do I miss our relationship? No. She took a toll on my self-worth; Sara made me feel very annoying on far too regular a basis.

Would you rather be anorexic or obese? Hey have you heard of going to fuck yourself?

Do you know anyone who is pregnant right now? Yes, a woman I took pictures of once because she's the friend of a regular client I had.

What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage? Sangrias.

Do you play any games on your phone? Pokemon GO, DragonVale, and Amaru, if you count a self-care virtual pet.

Have you ever shaved your face? I use a mini razor tool on my upper lip and chin, where I'll have dark hair.

What was the last vaccination you got? Covid, when it was a newer thing.

Do you have a brother? Yeah, Bobby.

Would you ever have a bird as a pet? I can't imagine myself with a bird.

Have you ever had to speak at a funeral? No. I don't think I'd be able to, I'm too emotional, I wouldn't be able to get words out.

When was the last time you saw your father? A week ago at my youngest niece's birthday party.

Any time when you need to search something on the Internet, which search engine do you use? Google.

Do you believe in saving your virginity for marriage or no? Marriage is literally a ceremony and that's it. Nothing important has truly changed, save your virginity for someone you love and feel safe with, otherwise who fuckin cares.

When you open your web browser, what is your home page set to? Why did you select this? Google. I think this laptop just came that way, and I've had no reason to change it.

#survey #surveys #random questions #personal questions #random surveys #personal surveys #questionnaire

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momoliee · 3 years

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It’s probably too early for The Meta No One Asked For That I’m Gonna Write Anyway about XQC, alas…here we go

Dr. Xie Qingcheng, 32, male, straight (so far), 180 cm with only one current family member.

Xqc is introduced as a cold, aloof and apathetic retired doctor who has no passions, cares about nothing except for his sister, and unless he’s angry, you can barely get an emotional response out of him.

Through meatbun’s character notes on how he has no favorite food, no favorite color or animal, no personal preferences outside what’s most practical and how he’s very very responsible and rules abiding and honest and sober and serious, and through he yu’s POV that continuously paints him as this heartless cold blooded person, I dare say we were…deceived by this so far shades of gray picture we had of him.

Xqc was born into a finically stable middle class family consisting of two cops for parents and a younger sister that came into the world 8 years after him. When he turned 13, and his sister was only 5 at that time, his parents were fired from their job due to a case they shouldn’t have been investigating going wrong, and they had to move to a rural area. Not long after that, he witnessed both his parents’ deaths and saw their corpses with his own eyes, the site was bloody and there’s no way it didn’t traumatize a pre-teen like him. He then was tasked with taking care of his sister, becoming a doctor despite not wanting to, owing others favors and spending all his money on smth that’s yet to be revealed instead of enjoying it. He got married, not to a woman he loves but to someone whom he thought of as “suitable and appropriate”, got cheated on and went through a divorce before losing full interest in the marriage life. He was finally able to retire (we don’t know why yet) and live a quiet, normal, boring life.

I believe xqc loved his parents, I believe he loved them so much cause in chapter 20, he mentions how he thought he wouldnt be able to live past the grief, he wouldn’t be able to go on or move forward, how the grief completely overtook him. He also mentions how he used to play with knots and handcuffs when he was a child, which shows how close he was to them. So for a child who had a good stable life with two loving parents to suddenly fall from a class to a class, suddenly lose both parents and see their corpses with his own eyes, that must’ve fucked him up big time. I’m talking “when can I fully register all of this” kind of fucked up. But he didn’t have time to fully absorb all of this, didnt have the time to sit down and cry, he had a sister, she was only 5, where will they get the money from? What were they gonna do? How was he going to continue school while caring for her? He didn’t have the time to sit down and grief, to sit down and adjust. For a child who had a normal life and didn’t have to worry much about the money like every other middle class kid, he was suddenly burdened with poverty AND loss, and duty and responsibility. Good bye to the days of playing with handcuffs and knots huh?

You ask me, why does xqc not have a favorite food? I answer you, because many many nights, he didn’t know what to feed his sister, much less himself. Cause I bet that many nights, he would have to give up his portion for Xie Xue, to make sure a kid like her is full. Cause he couldn’t afford to be picky, couldn’t afford to choose; whatever was edible will be eaten, taste and flavor be damned. He had to start working from a young age, balance school, babysitting and working all at once. The last friend he made (I think) was that Chen Man guy whose parents were friends with his parents, back when they were alive and life was good. He didn’t have time to make friends, or go out, or have a favorite color or visit the zoo and decide on a favorite animal. No, he had to study, and study hard to become more financially stable and support Xie Xue, he had to raise his baby sister and protect her, he had to work or else how will he put food on their table? Yet he never lost his soft kind heart, cause when his sister asked for a laptop, he bought her one just so that she wouldn’t feel less than any of the other children.

Xqc had to SURVIVE, he had to make do with what he had and what he didn’t have. He didn’t have time to sit down and cry or process his trauma, didn’t even have time to think of adolescent love or his youthful days or do what kids his age did. And all of that carried forward into his adult life. He pushed his emotions back so hard and had his practical, business like mind take care of everything in order to make it through the days. He started to believe that passionate emotions such as love and hate and lust and desire were all a waste of time, a distraction from his duties, smth that will rock the delicate balance he created with his everyday busy schedule. Emotions will stunt you, emotions will delay you, crying and not going to work today means no food to feed his hungry sister with. That’s when he started thinking, strong emotions are a DISEASE, they will take up your time, cloud your judgement, have you make reckless decisions that you’ll regret later. And he couldn’t afford any of that right? Strong emotions are for the weak, they put you in crutches and disable you from moving forward. Wasnt that what he told his ex wife? If he had submitted himself to his grief back then, where would his sister be? Where would he be? How could they have grown up to be healthy and successful adults?

So this man taught himself practicality and duty and priorities. He stopped thinking about himself, about what he wants and what he feels, and instead started making sure that those around him are happy and content and safe and well taken care of. He no longer had desires or passions, he only had rules and regulations. If a person lost their sense of taste, would they still want chocolates and burgers? Would they still have cravings and foods they’d rather swallow medicine than eat? No. If so, how will they decide on what to eat every day? They’ll simply start following a “perfect nutritional plan” and “balanced diet”. They’d eat what they have to eat, when they have to eat, and in the exact portion they need. To them eating would be another chore they have to do every day to keep their bodies going. Similarly, with xqc, graduating, working, marrying, taking care of his sister and auntie, these all became “tasks” and “chores” that he had to abide by and follow. They became the dietary plan for his life till he dies, the outline he shall follow, the textbook rules he will carry out, no need to think of what he “wants” or “desires”, what will make him “happy” or bring him “joy”. He no longer listened to his emotions when making decisions. Even when marrying his ex wife, he married her cause she was “a suitable match”, not for her looks or personality or anything. Feelings are life’s taste buds, and once you remove them, everything becomes tasteless and mundane, and practicality/logic takes over. He stopped knowing what it felt like to choose based on your preferences, cause he stopped having the luxury of choice ever since that night when he was 13, and he no longer was able to re-teach himself the meaning of free will and choice.

So when he yu, in chapter 20, asked him how he would’ve acted if Xie Xue had died, and he said, “I would’ve continued living as I am today till my last breath,” he wasn’t being “cold” or “heartless” or “indifferent” as he yu likes to say. He was being practical and methodical and thinking with a logical approach, rather than an emotional one, just the way he taught himself to throughout all these years. His almost 2 decades of pure survival mode and severely repressed feelings spoke in the form of autopilot. “I would do what I have to do, what I’ve always done every day of my life so far cause what choice do I have?” Is what he meant to say.

But I believe that he’s a soft hearted, kind and loving person. He never says no his sister, never says no to his auntie, helped that homeless man as best as he could, taught he yu that he was normal and that he wasn’t a monster, believed in treating his patients with words instead of medicine prescriptions, believed that the mentally ill deserve to live normally instead of being locked up. I believe that underneath all the shit he has buried, there’s a lot of passion and love that’s been kept dormant for 19 years.

In conclusion, idk where meatbun is gonna take his character but I genuinely hope he gets to heal, and start having more color and flavor in his life. Start allowing himself to live, not just survive.

#case file compendium #xie qingcheng #bing an ben #meatbun doesn’t eat meat #cfc #bab #meatbun

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eirichele · 4 years

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a VERY in depth look at fire emblem: three houses and its grooming problem

OR: how this game managed to make an accurate portrayal of grooming and exactly how it made it palatable

(warning: really long. though to be fair, the length is mostly screenshots. you can also read this in google docs)

***

SO i’ve been wanting to write something Formal and In Depth for a while, because this game’s reception has been a nightmare for me and other csa victims and quarantine hit, so i finally had time. i just really wanted to get all my thoughts in one place before i move on from 3h. i’m basically done talking about this after this one because... idk what else i could say that hasn’t been said here, really. fe has history with this, and the in-game excuses ring hollow when we know the fe devs disregard csa victims at every turn while pandering to male gamers who love sexualised teenage girls.

long, long analysis under the cut:

Some previous context: Fire Emblem games have a history of normalising harmful romances

It’s understandable for many to not know the history of the series since 3H was insanely successful and it brought a lot of new fans. Fire Emblem has always been a character driven game where making your units bond was encouraged both for gameplay and story reasons. Some end in special romantic epilogues, and some of those relationships were concerning to say the least: Sylvia, 14 years old, can marry every eligible man in Genealogy of the Holy War, Jill from Radiant Dawn, 18, can marry her father’s protegé who is 34. This is not a new phenomenon for the series, it just became more noticeable and malicious post-Awakening, because it became first person fanservice.

FE decided to rehaul the series sometime in 2011 by including dating sim elements, which made it explode in popularity. Avatars were introduced to represent the player in-game, allowing them to marry whoever they wanted. The first game to include a pseudo-dating sim was Awakening, released in 2012. The player can marry every named playable character, on top of the usual FE shipping mechanics . Donnel, Nowi and Ricken, all children, are part of your party. Nowi is a thousand year old dragon that looks like a child of 11-15. She loves playing, and throws tantrums, and overall acts very childishly, but the narrative insists that she’s really an adult feigning childishness.

In Fire Emblem lore, dragons are veeeery slow ageing people with the power to transform into dragons, which means they can be biologically still children even when they’re hundreds or thousands of years old. Tiki, another similar character, is considered a child in Shadow Dragon by her adult dragon family while explicitly being around Nowi’s age. Despite evidence to the contrary, Awakening treats Nowi like an adult who can marry. Fire Emblem had previously included many dragon child characters in the past, but none were romantic options for anyone, and they were considered a younger sibling of sorts. Nowi was a first in the series, and after her inclusion these romances became common with characters like Nyx in Fates and Flayn and Sothis in Three Houses. Worth noting is her design, which is incredibly sexualised. A (not so) fun fact is that the outfit designer of Awakening and Fates was none other than Three Houses’ future director, Toshiyuki Kusakihara:

Ricken and Donnel are just regular 13-15 year old boys. No magic. Other adult characters and your avatar just marry them, and it’s stated they will have children in the future. The next game, Fates, actually managed to outdo this somehow: Your pedophilic romance options are now five, and unlike Awakening’s avatar Robin, whose age was unknown and could potentially be portrayed in their mid-teens, Corrin canonically is in the 18-21 age range, making this unambiguous pedophilia. Fates is a very standout game when it comes to Fire Emblem’s worst parts: There’s no “children from the future” excuse for the avatar having children like in Awakening. The avatar impregnates all spouses (or gets pregnant) and has the child after an in-game time skip, which means you can canonically impregnate your approximately 15 year old sister in a Fire Emblem game. You really do not want to stan these devs.

pictured: definitely not 18, even if the english localization really tried to pull that.

Which is yet another thing in this game: Incest with adopted siblings is possible and even encouraged. Incest is constantly fetishized through the character of Camilla, who is an attractive and sexualized older sister obsessed with the main character. Another (not so) fun fact is that most characters will continue to call you ‘brother’ or ‘sister’ in the story even if you’re married because Fire Emblem rarely changes the story to fit with your marriage options. The most insidious thing about the incest and pedophilic couples in Fates is that they’re completely normalized. It’s not shown as abusive, and they look like normal couples that could even look cute out of context. They confess their love, tease each other, blush and have cutesy epilogues.

pictured: marrying your sibling and a literal child

All of this is to end with the conclusion that this is a constant pattern with Fire Emblem, especially the ones with marriage. Any potentially awful relationships portrayed are not outwardly abusive. You won’t catch Xander gaslighting Corrin, or anything. They’re a “cute” relationship that just happens to be incest. Their interactions are not outwardly unhealthy, and it’s tailor made for ‘’’harmless’’’ shipping, but in the end, it’s incest and pedophilia portrayed as a valid pairing that’s “healthy” by all means. It’s normalization of something that’s objectively horrifying to live through. As a CSA victim, Fates literally made me quit the franchise for all the years it was popular.

When Three Houses announced that it would take place in a school while you play a teacher, after seeing all of this play out all FE fans could feel was dread. When 3H announced even later that all romance would take place post-time skip everyone forgot about their reservations instantly— ignoring the fact that everyone being over 18 when marriage happens doesn’t absolve all potential problems with predatory writing. How you write a couple with an age gap is critical. Moving on with Actual Three Houses:

Byleth has a canon age unlike Corrin and Robin, but the game tries to hide it

Corrin and Robin were both avatars meant to be somewhat customized. Byleth cannot be customized. They have a set appearance and age. You can choose Byleth’s name, gender and birthday when you start up the game, but Byleth canonically cannot be born anywhere after September 20th 1159, their “canon” birthday, since their father states in his diary that they’re already alive. 3H starts in the year 1180, which makes Byleth 20 or already 21 depending on their chosen birthday.

All other Three Houses characters have their ages shown clearly in their unit menu, and all bios update accordingly when you learn new information, including yours. Byleth’s age is revealed in a cutscene, but despite this, the game tries to “hide” their age. This is all Byleth has in their bio even well into the endgame:

It’s presumably so the player can “headcanon” their age, as the player avatar, but they still have a canon age, because they’re not a customizable one. It’s a very odd design choice that makes no sense until you consider that the game is romantically pushing teenagers at you. Romanceable students range from 14 to 22 years old before the time skip, but the great majority are in the 15-18 range. Early on, when you introduce yourself to your students, they seem taken aback by how young you are and comment how you seem like you’re “their age.” This is your only dialogue option in response:

No sixteen year old has ever told a twenty/-one year old that they’re the same age, but this is anime high school dating sim logic. An addendum is that this game has incredibly shallow dialogue options to hide how linear it really is, and this is the first glaring instance. This comes up later on with the romance options—you have little to no options to reject a student’s advances. Boundaries as both a player and RPG protagonist are non-existent in this game.

pictured: “yes” and “sure why not” dialogue options to agreeing to meet with a student alone. linhardt just turned 17 last month

Byleth can flirt pre-time skip

Most of your units are students, thus all romance should in theory, stay in the war phase…. Which doesn’t happen at all. All the narrative framing of characters’ “closeness” and foreshadowing of romance are definitely a part of the school phase. The worst offender by far is an in-game event called the Goddess Tower, the school’s local romantic spot. It’s said in universe that a man and a woman who make a vow there on a specific night will stay together forever, and this is a prelude to the marriage scenes five years later, which will take place in that Tower. You can even pick who to bring with you to the Tower, and this is what Byleth says to themselves before the drop down menu shows up:

this is one of those lines that’s like semi-innocuous, since byleth is addressing the player here, but what the fuck is a teacher doing thinking about a student “that way”???? my girl doesn’t know there will be a 5 year time skip where they’re going to be legal she’s just saying this about a bunch of sixteen year olds.

The Goddess Tower itself is a mess of bungled flirting and unnatural romantic scenes, made all the worse by the fact that you can only trigger this scene with a student. Older characters like Seteth, Catherine and Shamir are locked out of the Goddess Tower. They can’t be picked from the menu, and if they’re your highest support, the game will default to the next highest supported student. Here’s some lines from Ingrid’s scene:

ingrid is 17 when this takes place. the youngest byleth possible is well over 21 and the oldest is turning 22 next month

Check out this post for more examples of the Goddess Tower. Byleth’s dialogue options here are right out of a god damn PSA about child safety. They genuinely come off as a huge creep here, especially “Just the two of us….” My dude.

Thankfully one of the few instances where you can turn the student down, but notable anyway. Dorothea’s C support, where you have the option of following her flirty lead, and her response will be the same regardless of your choice:

Another infamous bit of inappropriate flirting is Edelgard’s Japanese C1 support, which you’re likely to unlock before her 18th birthday in June because it’s her very first support:

This was thankfully removed in the English version (Though she still has the same flustered reaction), but the intentions are there. Curiously, I’ve seen many supporters of the Byleth/Edelgard ship say they were upset this was removed, while simultaneously denying the ship has any grooming connotations whatsoever— when an authority figure making ha ha, unless? 😳 sexual jokes in front of underage/barely legal kids to see their reaction is textbook grooming:

Once a trusting or special relationship is created, the offender may carefully test the victim’s reaction to sex. (x)

Not helping is the fact that Edelgard falling in love with Byleth during the school phase is practically canon judging by dialogue in CF of her missing you “more” than the others. Which leads to:

Some interactions pre-time skip resemble grooming tactics

In fans’ minds the lack of boundaries are somewhat mitigated by Byleth’s supposed good intentions, and it’s common to hear fans say Byleth obviously didn’t go to Garreg Mach intending to marry one of the kids they’re teaching because grooming must be malicious from the start. However, it’s well known that unlike premeditated abuse of younger kids, sexual abuse of older teens often happens by “accident”

In contrast, educators who teach at the late middle and high school level target victims in this age range. They might be outstanding teachers, although they may also be mediocre (Shakeshaft, 2003). Sexual abuse at this level may be less premeditated and planned and more often a result of bad judgment (Shakeshaft, 2004). (x)

In other words, by putting zero boundaries between teacher and students and enabling weird situations, which is 3H to a T. Many students flirt, but Byleth doesn’t say anything, or even flirts back.

Secondly, Byleth is like… barely a character, so this isn’t meant to be a callout post accusing them of being a manipulative abuser or whatever, because this is about the dev team putting teenagers in these flirty positions to satisfy the player that Byleth is meant to represent. Byleth is just the plot device they use to do so. People often say this flirting isn’t grooming because Byleth has “good intentions,” but they’re a self-insert, and a self-insert doesn’t have to have any in-universe intentions because the outside writing drives their actions— the thing is we KNOW these writers are not above writing pedophilia as harmless romance. People project good intentions on Byleth, because that’s the avatar. You’re supposed to project on them. This of course includes their “good intentions,” and when I play 3H I headcanon that too, but canonically speaking, these intentions are 100% ambiguous. They never voice attraction to another student, or disgust at the thought of dating them because they speak in small, limited dialogue options and thought bubbles. We don’t have a real, canon indication that they would oppose dating a student before the time skip nor that they would actually do it.

What we do have are the canonical interactions that make people uncomfortable, however. Byleth can think of students in “that way” when the Gatekeeper describes a romantic getaway on the Goddess Tower. If we take them at face value, then their dialogue options clearly establish that they’re okay with flirting with students as young as fifteen, at the very least. They “die” before potentially starting to date any of them for real, but the beginnings of an uncomfortable romance are there and the game fully embraces this as okay .

This is all a result of the writing. Fates never condemned you for picking your sister over any of the other thirty (?) romanceable characters, just like Three Houses doesn’t condemn you for picking Lysithea over any older women in the teaching staff. It’s just another S support option, and it even gets some sweet extra content. She’s touched that you care for her, and you do everything in your power to take care of her frail health, and you guys get happily married. No one ever mentions that you were her high school teacher when she was fifteen and you met at said high school, and she was your favourite student— and this is, you know, something of an important detail in any relationship. Just like Fates, it’s sweet and shippable out of context, which just encourages normalization. How dare you say this is unhealthy? It’s tender! Look how much he loves her!

The thing is that 3H initially presents your students as your charges in school. You’re unambiguously in charge of them as both tactician and instructor, even if you treat each other in a familiar way. Even if most students technically outrank you as nobles, Garreg Mach as politically neutral ground implicitly puts you above them as their teacher. The younger ones are vulnerable teenagers, away from home in a boarding school. Most have some sort of underlying emotional problem that they come to you for. They come to you for advice, and sometimes just venting. You can give them gifts, and have tea every week with them if you so wish in an off-screen conversation. Tea also serves as the “skinship” of this game where you get to see the anime boy/girl of your dreams from up-close, which is a pretty creepy thing to do with a fifteen year old anime girl even out of universe, but I digress.

Looking at this chart in the essay I linked earlier gave me a little bit of a stroke, because the “Strategies” aspects are all things you do in 3H prior to the time-skip:

This is obviously accidental, but still concerning because we know these devs have a twisted idea of what romance is, and that culminated in what I sincerely hope is an unintended but still eerily accurate portrayal of grooming.

Emotional confidence, teatime and gifts, flirting, making a vow together at the Goddess Tower, sex jokes, are all things you do pre-timeskip, and some student’s personal arcs make this even worse. Marianne, Dimitri and Bernadetta have mental illnesses, and they heavily rely on you for support. Edelgard and Sylvain express attraction towards you. You meet Felix’s father and he puts his full trust in you. Ignatz, Bernadetta and Marianne have very low self-esteem. Characters like Ashe and Annette have major parental issues that they discuss with you. In short, you see them at their most vulnerable as kids, and then get together as adults.

About the only thing you don’t do pre-time skip in that list is “Isolate,” but some character arcs post time skip have this distinct vibe nonetheless. Many students leave their homes in the war phase explicitly because of you and no other reason. CF Ingrid in particular outright betrays Faerghus and everything she knew for you, as she says she doesn’t really believe in Edelgard’s war. Knowing you as a teacher can string her along in her Goddess Tower scene while she’s underage puts this in an awkward perspective.

This is what makes the five year time skip hold little weight. Everyone is an adult when the relationship is consummated, yes, but it starts pre-time skip.

Emotionally vulnerable teenagers having a strong relationship and frequent alone time with their older teacher, who is a confidant and someone that makes them feel special is already looking bad, but the absolute loyalty, idolisation and close relationship when they’re adults only makes it worse, even if it’s probably just a result of poorly thought out game design and player pandering gone wrong.

It’s not just player pandering, however. The devs just clearly think these relationships are okay. Other non-Byleth student/teacher romances deserve a mention, too—Manuela is forty something and thinks of her romantic potential with some 19 year-old:

Thankfully, this support ends at B, but others don’t. She has romantic endings with Lorenz, Ferdinand and Dorothea, who she even canonically met before Garreg Mach as a child and who idolises her as an opera star. The game doesn’t stop at the normalisation of grooming with Byleth, they’re just the most noticeable example, especially since it’s a power fantasy for the player who can romance all of them, not just a few.

The time skip had the opportunity to fix some of the creepy implications, but it didn’t

People like to look at the time-skip as a justification of romance. That 15 year old kid is 20 now, after all, and your students are adults, who have matured and grown outside of your influence.... Except your interactions with them remain virtually the same. They still call you Professor and hold you in some extremely high esteem as an authority figure.

Three Houses has an avatar worship problem like all newer Fire Emblem games and this definitely contributes to the uncomfortable implications in the narrative, because literally everyone respects you and adores you to an uncomfortable degree. Even as grown ass adults, the avatar worship just makes it seem like your students still idolize you like when they were kids awe struck by how cool you are.

They don’t show the change from “mentor” to “peer” satisfactorily, like they intended for the romance elements to work. Byleth’s name is customizable, making a first name basis difficult, but they easily could have changed your war phase title to something that would make it seem like your students’ view of you changed, like a military title such as Commander, or even just Eisner, your canonical last name. All students still call you “Professor,” in the war phase, though. Some students even call you Professor when you’re about to propose to them in the S support, like Lysithea. Leonie, one of the oldest students who is actually your age, has this to say about calling you by your name… you know, like a normal peer and friend would:

White Clouds is also a whole year while VW, AM, and SS take place during six to seven months, CF during five. You spend more time as their teacher and mentor than as “peers,” so Leonie’s position is pretty understandable despite being like, barely a year younger than you.

To rewind, this game lets you pick a “special” student pre-time skip, who you’re encouraged to build bonds with through tea, gifts and the Goddess Tower. You’re their favourite teacher, as said by many other characters. They grow up and join you in your war regardless of who they have to fight, some even just to be with you. They still affectionately call you Professor, and look up to you. You can then marry them. This is unironically seen as both acceptable and even romantic.

Many of these interactions like tea are gameplay elements and thus come off as the devs not thinking too hard about it. Except, again, we know they have no problem in writing outright pedophilia, but Fates in particular had heavy backlash over this, which explains the need to tone it down a little. Grooming was their “compromise” between not turning off the casual audience while still cheekily pandering to that crowd. Everyone is technically over eighteen in Three Houses, even if they act extremely similar to their teenage selves. The “technically 1000 year old” romances like Flayn and Sothis were also left intact.

This is an important distinction, because a bit of a popular “it’s not grooming” argument when dealing with the war phase is Byleth’s weird dragon powers slowing their aging. Unlike the kids, all adult non-students in Three Houses undergo no portrait changes during the time skip, including Byleth. The thing is that in Chapter 10, they receive dragon powers as part of some plot nonsense, so it has different implications than just anime hating everyone over 25. There’s implications in the game that this definitely affected their ability to age normally, such as the Flayn ending:

However, we don’t know how their aging was affected and to what extent. Three Houses’ lore didn’t specify much about the way dragons age. Rhea undergoes dragon madness, so we can thus tentatively assume Fódlan’s dragons are similar to Archanea and Valentia’s dragons, which would mean there’s a chance Byleth even aged normally for a few years before slowing down significantly like Nah from Awakening did. It’s entirely possible they’re biologically 25-26 like they’re meant to be, because they didn’t physically die. They were just asleep.

Even if they really did not age a day over 21/22, it still makes the pre-time skip hold weight, however. Byleth can flirt with them as teens prior to any fantastical excuse, and they’re still a mentor figure in the students’ eyes, which goes on to colour every interaction with you in the war phase. Post-time skip everyone is legal, but they still have that history with you, and the game makes no real effort to change that whatsoever. It still fulfills the student/teacher fantasy despite the many, many technicalities it tries to pull out of its ass.

Intsys is self aware and knows that this upsets people

To say these devs probably didn’t mean it that way is not entirely impossible, but they don’t exactly inspire confidence. They even “acknowledge” their flippant way of treating teacher/student relationships in a DLC quest during school phase:

Of course, this is a silly complaint because a teacher being friendly with students is a good thing! Students learn better in a positive environment! The problem here is that it’s obviously referencing and mocking the people upset that this becomes romantic later on. I think anyone would have been able to forgive the overly friendly nature of Byleth and the students’ relationships if no line had been crossed regarding romance. This is Fire Emblem after all, and it wouldn’t be Fire Emblem without supports and relationships values.

But also, Intsys is very good at jokingly acknowledging when they’re being creepy rather than striving to do better. It’s not the first time they’ve done this. A really bold faced example is when the Fire Emblem mobile game widely known for fanservice released a ten year old child (no magic or dragons, either, just a child) dressed as a bride and had her say: “This outfit is just for the [bride] festival, don’t get any weird ideas!” when they were the ones who made a child bride for fanservice purposes.

this one was pretty fucked up even by their standards. comment sums it up

The devs also once called Camilla from Fates a “cow” in an interview for having huge breasts and a little tiara that looks like horns. They designed her that way, but then mocked her for looking like an oversexualized caricature. Any way you look at it, they’re well aware they’re being off-putting and cheekily being like, tee hee, I sure made a dating sim set in a high school! Which ultimately leads to the final point:

Though canon definitely has its problems, it’s less about canon and more about the devs’ bad intentions and the fans’ general lack of empathy for CSA victims:

This is not to diminish canon’s impact at all, because it’s outright malicious to portray an unhealthy relationship as cute and harmless. In short, they just pull technicality after technicality out of their ass to make student/teacher okay somehow instead of just..... not having student/teacher at all. After Fates having fucking incest, 3H and teacher grooming seems outright tame and that definitely contributed to the wide acceptance in the fanbase, because it’s less outrageously pandery. I can’t believe I have to say this in 2020, but…... that’s still not good, lads.

I will also admit there’s some nuance here regarding some of the students, especially those 20+ year olds who aren’t easy to manipulate teenagers like Mercedes. We can sit here and argue all day about whether or not this game legitimately 100% can be considered grooming because of those 20+ students, and all of those in-universe technicalities since there’s no real life academic journal on grooming who will talk about the offender being a dragon, but the end of the matter is that the devs chose to portray their pseudo-dating sim franchise in a school, while your MC is a teacher and most of the students are teens. These relationships are also 100% normalised and okay in-game. They did it with incest and with teacher/student, both topics that are majorly upsetting to CSA victims, and that alone is worth calling out. They even mocked people who were upset about it with a little DLC quest, just to rub it in.

This whole post was a critique of 3H and Intsys, but it’s impossible to critique the game without critiquing the fan culture around it, because the devs definitely had a fanbase in mind. We know they take feedback, since they toned it down after complaints about Fates, but the reason why they didn’t just get rid of pandering aspects, is because they’re popular. There’s a huge demand for this, and that’s exactly why they keep doing it, and it’s the simple reason that online anime spaces full of adults have always placed a particular interest in teens and sexualising and shipping them. A Fire Emblem game set in a school with a calendar and a lot of romantic and social elements that started development in 2017 just screams Persona 5 inspired. Fans obviously noticed.

”edelgard is soooo thirsty” jokes are a lot less funny if you know going for the thirsty kid is a legit strategy

Now, I don’t know shit about Atlus, and after seeing all these memes regarding Persona 5 and the fans’ positive reaction to them, I have zero intentions to play it, but I’ve unfortunately played every single FE game and watched the transition to classic FE to 3DS FE to 3H. I have my criticisms about modern FE’s writing quality for sure, and while I obviously can’t say it used to be perfect because it was still a fairly mediocre (but fun) game about teenagers beating up dragons, it’s now become one of the single most unfriendly fanbases if you’ve gone through any kind of sexual trauma. Incest shipping, pedophilic shipping, and sexualizing teenagers was always there to some extent, but it’s blown up now that the devs have emboldened those fans by doing it in canon itself. It’s rampant, especially on “waifu” circles, and now grooming ships are mainstream and everywhere. Even LGBT friendly “safe spaces” are unbrowsable. F!Edeleth in particular is commonly seen as the holy grail of wlw representation. Linhardt is the most popular M/M option despite the other two being adults. Doromanuela was given a shout-out by Dorothea’s English voice actress.

Old FE games had background things like that all the time, (Roy/Cecilia is Literally gender swapped Petra/Byleth) but the keyword here is background. Not like... 80% of the ships involving the MC in game, which means you weren’t bombarded with this every day. Worse, the discussion about this topic has been non-existent. Reddit has not touched this at all despite the community there being well known for meticulous criticism, Twitter and Tumblr have seen its fair share of discourse, but it’s quickly dismissed. Just click here to watch people dismiss the concerns of every single grooming and CSA victim, or even call them stupid like we can’t recognize this shit in every single fandom. Of note are the fans who dismiss grooming concerns by saying all flirting occurs post time skip (which is false, as we just said) and the characters are only 3-6 years apart anyway……………….. and then gleefully consume/produce pre-time skip content:

miscellaneous tags on a pre-time skip linleth comic (20/21/22 and 16/17 if you’re not keeping count) not posting the comic itself cause i don’t want anon hate lol

While there’s an argument to be made for romance with anyone who was 20+ pre-time skip, there is NONE for the underage kids. None. And like, even if you somehow still want to argue that 3H itself isn’t grooming because of the time skip, a huge chunk of the fanworks objectively are, and this is a huge problem that needs to be called out and nobody does so whatsoever. That comic has 2500+ notes.

This isn’t even a call to tell people to throw out their copies and riot, just to be aware of this and try to make fan spaces a little more bearable for CSA victims. A lot of people call this ‘toxic cancel culture’ and whatnot, but I personally can’t defend a dev team who I KNOW has done heinous things in the past, and continue to support the pedophilic mentality in online anime fan spaces but like, in a cheeky subtle way. They easily could have made Byleth a student who tutors the others because of their experienced mercenary background with Jeralt, or just not let them romance the kids at all. They could have pleased both the dating sim and high school camps by letting you choose to be either a 21+ teacher or a 17 year old student with the appropriate romance options, too. They didn’t do any of this, and their questionable past begs me to ask why, and none of the answers I can come up with are very encouraging. They also even blatantly gave you extra content when romancing students.

I hope contextualizing the 3H grooming at least makes some people understand why it’s so upsetting to see it everywhere. It’s just the decent thing to do to tag your posts, and to not dismiss any of these things. It’s just the decent thing to do to listen to people who are sharing their experiences and respecting their boundaries if they simply do not want to interact with you if you decide to continue supporting Intsys.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this. Stan Claude von Riegan.

#t #fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #fe3h #grooming mention #csa ment

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bitchiha · 4 years

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I just found your blog, and I love it already. Can I request relationship hc for Kankuro and Darui(if you write him)?

✎ Relationship HC’s (Kankuro, Darui)

A/N: so I’m proud I actually managed to whip a post out lol, also Kank and Darui are some of my fav characters and I’m sad I haven’t written much for either of them... anyways, enjoy and thank you for requesting this, wonderful anon!

Kankurou

So we can just jump straight into it here: you’re gonna have to put up with all the puppets. Like when you come over to his apartment for the first time you probably have 5 mini heart attacks. You’re shrieking around every corner you turn because there is always damn puppet there waiting for you. Sometimes it’s not even a full puppet, just a puppet limb. This continues to scare the shit out of you when you move eventually move in too. Like it’s something you cannot escape.

Yes, he does have a work room, but his work is not limited to that room (that’s what he’ll sassily tell you as he picks up the puppet you flung across the room because it basically jump scared you.) However.. Little by little you notice that he starts to leave less and less puppet parts around the house, which is really touching because Kank can be stubborn as fuck sometimes.

Also, he loves when you come over and sit on his lap while he works on one of his puppets; bonus if you let him blab about them. Honestly you don’t have to even listen, just make it look like you are. Let your hands play with his hair as you nod along whenever he pauses his sentence, knowing it’s a cue for a little response from you.

One of the scariest things you’ll have to deal with in the relationship is when Kankurou casually has conversations with his puppets. Like one night you came home a little late from work and you heard your boyfriend talking in a hushed tone and you’re like?? Who’s he talking to?? Figured it was Gaara because let’s be real.. Kank does not have a side hoe, he cannot get a side hoe, even if he wanted. So anyway.. You didn’t want to bother him, so you just quietly walk into the work room to peek inside, only to find Kank talking to one of his puppets. He notices you at the door and stops mid conversation and clears his throat, but it’s too late, you’ve already heard him.

“Kank.. babe.. we’re you talking to your puppet just now?” He just stares at you sheepishly, but the puppets still perched on his lap nonetheless, “... There’s no point in me denying it is there?”

He’s kinda shitty at gift giving on special occasions. Like he is just is so fucking bad that you’ve accepted the fact that your birthday gift will be a teddy bear like every single year. But he makes up for it with the random gifts he gives you throughout the year. Like if you’ve been away for a long time you always come home to some sort of cute little puppet waiting for you. He’s made one of your favourite animal, favourite anime character, mini versions of his own puppets, etc. At this point in the relationship you’re starting to get used to the puppets, so you end up keeping them on a shelf in your room. He always gets so giddy when he comes to your place and sees them displayed like that. And loves it even more when you keep them displayed after you move in together.

Sorry sweetheart, but if you do not like his siblings.. NEXT CALLER. Bye. He’s ending the relationship right there. But if you get along with them his heart melts, especially if you and Gaara become friends. Or like if you can remotely handle Gaara pre chunin exams. Yah will do it. He’s head over heels for you. You’re both protective mama bears now and will keep Temari and Gaara safe with your lives and vice versa.

Badass fighting duo. If anyone wants to fuck with Gaara or Temari you two are gonna fuck shit up to say the least. But even on missions too, like you guys can read eachother perfectly and even if you were bickering before the battle starts — all the tension goes out the window and you’re focused on the problem at hand. You can go back to flaming eachother afterwards. Just a little side note: he loves showing off his puppet skills. So don’t be surprised if he calls out “y/n! Babe! Y/n! Over here — This is how the Ant looks in action.” Then he proceeds to iron maiden the victim. Give him a thumbs up and congratulate him please. Even if it’s kinda a very graphic scene.

Kinda fucks with PDA tbh, like he tones it down once Gaara becomes Kazekage because he needs to keep up a respectable image, but still does light PDA. Pre Kazekage Gaara, he would suck your face off anywhere. But when Gaara becomes Kage, he just gives you quick kisses instead. Doesn’t go for handholding a lot, prefers having an arm around your shoulders or around your waist. Slaps your ass too, if there isn’t a lot of people around and he can get away with it. If you wanna make him jealous though, all that composure goes out the window.

KISS HIS HANDS. LOVE HIS HANDS. When you’re at home and you two are cuddling, run your thumb lightly over his knuckles, over his calloused palms, kiss the pads of his fingers... it just makes him so soft lol. Like kiss the scars of blisters or scratches from his work tools and he’s putty in your hands girl.

I’m 100% sure that Kank can handle a moody / bratty s/o. Like you’ve got a little spice? He can take that. Afterall, he handled little moody pre teen Gaara before, I’m sure he can handle you. Doesn’t mean he isn’t stubborn though, he won’t let you win arguments. Which is a problem if you’re stubborn too. You will argue for hours and wont even remember what you were arguing about to begin with, then one of you’ll have to be like: pause the music.. what were we even mad about? Neither of you can remember and you’ll just shrug it off and go out for ramen or something like nothing happened.

If you don’t already have somewhat of a thick skin when you start dating Kankurō, you will eventually form one. If not, shits not gonna work out. Like he’s just a teasing person and he likes to have little roast sessions, they just entertain him. He hardly ever oversteps himself when it comes to the banter, but if he does he’s kinda oblivious. If you start crying though he’ll feel so bad, like it was just mindless teasing he didn’t mean to make you cry. Will remember what made you react like that and won’t ever mention it again.

I think he also tells the best stories. Like he just has the best expressions and voice for it. Not to mention having a jinchuuriki and Kazekage as his brother; he’s experienced some crazy shit. He mindlessly babbles them out to you whenever something reminds him of that particular time. Like if he sees a person walking their dog, it brings him back to the time when he defended kiba against one of the Sound Four. Then boom. He just randomly blurts out the story as you two are walking.

Kankurou is a surprisingly good cuddler. He always wants to be the big spoon and likes to pull you close to his chest and sling his arm around you lazily when you’re watching tv together . He’s constantly getting his hands tangled in your hair because he loves to play with it. Sometimes if you fall asleep while he’s cuddling you, you’ll wake up two French braids or something. Honestly, you’ll be shocked at how he managed to do that at first, but let’s be real he probably styles his puppets hair in his free time.

Overall an entertaining s/o, I would reccomend.

Darui

Oh boyyyyyy... Where do I start with this guy? He’s such an amazing hype man. Like Darui is so fucking flattered that he managed to score such a smart and gorgeous person that he will never let you forget it. He swings you compliments all the time and they don’t even sound overbearing from him because he’s just that cool. Even the way he compliments you is cool. Don’t forget to compliment him too though.... pls be eachothers hype men.

He’s also the loyalist man you will ever meet — we see what he’s like with the Raikage, you can’t tell me otherwise. Like once the two of you are officially dating he is committed 100% to you and will do anything for you. So do not mistake his laid back demeanour for laziness because when it comes to your relationship he is ready to do whatever you want. You want a certain flavour of ice cream, but the store ran out? He will go to every single grocery store in the village to find you that flavour for you. His s/o deserves the best and if they can’t have their favourite ice cream then he won’t rest till they do. Literally. Sometimes you have to go out and find him and tell him it’s okay and that he can come home, you don’t need that flavour that badly.

Handles periods the best too. Like he’s actually mature about it for the most part. Will 100% go out and buy you tampons or pads because like I said, he will do whatever you want. He’s also practically a human heater so he will lay down with you and cuddle you to help relieve some of the cramp pains. Can figure out when you’re PMSing too and will handle it well too. Like you’re literally just spazzing out in the middle of the kitchen and you’re yelling about something that happened 2 years ago, he he just pulls you into a hug and holds you there until your anger dies down a little bit, then he picks you up and tucks you into bed. Idk how it works, but it does. Every single time.

When it comes to gift giving he’s so subtle about it. Like he isn’t the type to do something extravagant and flashy for his s/o, but his gifts are still so thoughtful and considerate that you can’t help but blush at them. He’s observant and he notices the things you like, what you talk about more than other things, etc. He takes all that into account when he wants to buy you a gift and every year he never fails to melt your heart. It also makes him super giddy when he sees you wearing / displaying his gifts in your room or something. He is always so insecure when he actually hands you the gift though, but the look of joy on your face instantly washes his hesitance away.

Honestly you two are the coolest couple in the whole Cloud, like you’re just such a badass duo. Omoi and Karui love you two, Killer Bee loves you two, Cee and the Raikage too. It’s kind of funny just how invested the Raikage is, though. Definitely cries hysterically if you and Darui get into a fight, hes all like “no! You two are meant to be, this can’t be happening!” And Darui is like... sir it was a minor fight, we’re still together... Killer Bee has also definitely made a rap about you two or at least used you two for a line in his rap. It was pretty garbage, but it’s the thought that counts; plus you guys are so cool that the rap just automatically becomes cool too.

Darui constantly apologizes for things that aren’t his fault. You learn to get used to it, but it’s a little confusing at first. One night he came to your apartment all depressed looking and he’s like “y/n, I’m so sorry, but I have to tell you this now.” And you think his ass is cheating on you or something because of how solemn he looks so you’re bracing yourself for the worst, when in reality he just wants to postpone your date an hour or two because he has to help the Raikage with something. You just stare at him for a good five minutes because wtf why didn’t he just call you? Like why does he look so distressed over something as minor as that??

Your fights don’t last very long at all. He’s a reasonable and understanding person, so he doesn’t initiate fights very often. I feel like you guys only really fight when it comes down to spending too much time apart. Like he’s been too busy with being the Raikages second hand man and you’ve been occupied with missions and your own business, you two just miss each other and kind of end up getting frustrated with each other and eventually you guys snap. Like you can’t make the date on Friday and want to re schedule, but Friday’s the only day he can make it. Cue snappy comments and one of you hanging up the phone on the other. Daruis always the first one to apologize though, go figure.

You guys are also another badass duo when it comes to fighting, like he’s super observant of you and he knows your next move before you know it. If you’re a bit on the impulsive side he’ll lowkey get frustrated because he doesn’t want you to get hurt when it’s something he can prevent. Especially if you’re fighting together, like he doesn’t want that on his conscience. Like you will never stop hearing him apologize if you get injured when he could have prevented it. You constantly have to shut him up lol.

Honestly playing with his hair is the best, he actually likes when you try and take care of it too. Even if it doesn’t work out all the time because you can’t really tame it, he loves the feeling of your fingers massaging his scalp anyway. So he’ll let you have your fun, but only you can touch it. His hair just feels so fucking nice too, like you have to refrain yourself from running your hands through his hair randomly. You definitely fluff it sometimes though.

He likes to be the big spoon when you two cuddle, but he doesn’t mind being the little one sometimes — only if you play with his hair though. Like just start running your hands through his hair and he’ll pass out just like that. Really likes when you lay your head on his chest and you just kind of sprawl yourself ontop of him. Sometimes he does that to you instead, especially after a long mission where he hasn’t seen you for a long time. He just lays his head on your chest and loves the feeling of your chest rising and falling gently as you sleep.

He is not that into pda, will wrap an arm around you or give you his jacket when you’re cold, but does not make out with you in public. If he’s feeling needy then he will simply pull you into an alley and kiss you there, but he’s pretty good at controlling himself and hardly ever needs to do that. Gives you occasional kisses on the cheek though, but absolutely no touching around the Raikage. Even if the Raikage literally doesn’t care. Darui just thinks it’s uncool.

You guys have super chill dates. Like just going out to dinner or hanging out at each others houses. The best dates are the spontaneous ones. Darui doesn’t do them all that often, but whenever there’s like a thunderstorm or a rainstorm outside, he will run to your place and you two will watch it together. Like just perch yourselves on the windowsill with a bunch of blankets and some snacks and you’re good to go. It’s kinda dangerous but both of your definitely fall asleep on the windowsill.

10/10 overall. Darui is so fucking cool he owns my ass.

#Naruto Shippuden #naruto imagines #naruto headcanons #kankuro x reader #kankuro imagine #darui #darui headcanon #darui imagine

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mallowstep · 3 years

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If Tadpole had lived Sasha wouldn’t have had run to Riverclan. The only reason she went was because one of her kits had died and she was like “I can’t let that happen again, they would be safer in a clan.” So Tadpole lives. Would this lead to Loner!Moth and Hawk/Tadpole with Sasha? Or what if he lived and Sasha didn’t find them? Three kits lots in twoleg place. Maybe they are found by the remnants of Bloodclan. Or maybe a cat with knowledge of the clans takes pity and brings them to Thunderclan or Windclan. Imagine Moth and Leafkit playing together. Imagine Hawkpaw and Tadpole (Frogpaw? Darkpaw?) fighting over Squirrelpaw’s attention.

dfsklj love all of u anons providing me crucial sasha backstory...i only know her from a shadow in riverclan. i did know that she wanted them in a clan for safety, did not really remember how that worked out w tadpole. it's been a while and i don't usually reread warriors books.

like i buy the kindle versions? because while i'm fine w/ pirating them the graphic novels especially i need the kindle version with their focus mode for graphic novels. i have a really hard time reading graphic novels the way they're "intended" to be read. i do it for ones i love, but it's hard.

uhh so anyway i think realistically it would lead to a loner au, which is why i initially was like "this is a boring au," because i figured they either didn't get up to much villainry or were just loners.

also i think i'd keep tadpolepaw? sure it's a bit wordy but i like it. it's cute. maybe he'd get the option to change it to frogpaw/frog-suffix? i think maybe. leopardstar doesn't seem like the type tho.

if a clan found them...windclan prob wouldn't bc iirc they don't share a border w/ the twoleg place? someone can feel free to lemme know if i'm wrong again i do not have that much knowledge of this, i only know it through how it affects mothwing (my beloved)

anyway!

okay first of all! people can't keep giving me cursed!au ideas by which i mean, i have a squirrelash au already and now? someone is suggesting a hawksquirrel au? whatever will i do w/ y'all?

(jkjkjk my true squirrelflight ship is squirrelflight/self-love, but i do actually really like squirrelash? obviously not canon ashfur, but the ashfur we thought he was pre-po3. bc well? that was the only ashfur i had for a long time i've talked about this before anyway off topic.)

right! i like the idea of them being thunderclan, but i also...uh, at least internally, i think mothwing being in riverclan is important for her character. and hawkfrost's. because of tadpole.

but then tadpole lives, so it's like...i don't know?

one thing is for sure: if they go to thunderclan, there's a medicine cat issue but wait! idea.

okay, so. mothpaw trains as a warrior. she is beautiful and strong, and replaces (or joins) sorreltail in leafpaw's beautiful she-cat crush.

(idk there's something distinctly adolescent and cute to me about the way young teens have all of these wild crushes on everyone. fuck, i had a crush on my colorguard instructor because...of no reason? i'm not even attracted to like? anyway.)

so then! when leafpaw gets taken, mothpaw becomes a medicine cat apprentice. someone has to, and she wants to and maybe, like, maybe leafpaw gets stuck w/ greystripe?

yeahh right. so then they're reunited much time later, and leafpaw has maybe started going by leaf at this point bc it's been like, a year or more, and she's been a loner longer than she was a clan cat. i don't know, i don't really know what happens in the greystripe graphic novel. or super edition. have i talked about my really weird mandela effect with greystripe's super edition?

anyway so yeah! mothwing is a med cat and i don't think i could resist the urge to name her mothpool...y'all don't even know how hard it was to stop myself from doing that in stoalg, i wanted to so bad, but it's literally the ship name, but i couldn't.

i don't think i'm strong enough to do it twice.

right anyway they're very gay and they become two gay wives taking care of the clan.

MEANWHILE.

tadpole and hawk are closer to, like, sorrelpaw, rainpaw, and sootpaw. like when leafpaw goes to the first gathering, mothwing's whole medicine cat drama comes up.

(i have a very clear memory of it because of the sheer number of times i've written a mothpool meet cute.)

so like! i don't know what they're up to? but hawk and bramble definitely have sons-of-tigerclaw drama that freaks firestar out. like a lot. like a lot a lot.

sandstorm: dear, they're not going to hurt you

firestar: but, i'm scared!

sandstorm: he's literally an apprentice

okay, maybe not that much. i'm being funny.

(also, fine, props to the beta editor for letting me use chat inside of a text post. i can do it in html which is markdown valid but you know fine.)

ahem. (the beta editor also doesn't let me preview so that's fucked.)

i do think! hawkfrost still deserves to be a villain. he's one of my favorite villains because he's just a bad guy.

(i haven't finished winds of change i'm a fast reader but i try to pace myself going through things no spoilers i've heard that he makes dad jokes tho? anyway until i finish it it's not canon on this blog.)

like, just like i like the fact that breezepelt is just an asshole! hawkfrost's actions far surpass what you could reasonably say is a response to circumstance.

i don't mean in a, "we can't justify his actions" way, i mean in a "there's not a rational argument that he would have done this if he wasn't just an evil guy."

right! but apparently tadpole is a protective big brother? is that correct? i have no fucking idea?

so tadpole. he's probably...he could be a prophecy cat? i like that a lot better than bramble. kick bramble out his arc finished in tpb anyway.

uhh yeah i don't know where to go with this i just riff off whatever y'all put in my inbox then save the tumblr posts to my "aus to write" folder

(hot tip! if you want to make sure i write an au, just put in an ask giving me a hypothetical about it bc once i start talking all my ideas get a little file where i put everything i want to one day write.)

#anon #ask #talk #mine #au talk #essay #long #tadpole lives au

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nightwingmyboi · 4 years

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Pt 1) I'm ngl, if this Ric Grayson arc ends with Dick finally going off on the rest of the batfam for only showing him affection when they need something, it will almost be worth it. You mentioned in the meta about his relationship with the batfam that to recover from the gunshot he cut every one off (ngl, I stopped reading as soon as his memories were wiped), and I think that means now is the perfect time (or when his memories finally return fully next issue) for him to blow up

Pt 2) I want him to go off on Bruce for never seeming satisfied with what he does. I want him to go off on Tim for running away when everything was going to shit while Bruce was stuck in time (there's evidence that he remembers pre reboot stuff with that one panel that has torque and tarantula and him proposing to Babs so I'm going to say that's all still canon). I want him to lose his shit with Babs for constantly being mad at him when he's trying so hard (I love Babs, but this is annoying)

Pt 3) when he gets his memories back I want him to finally blow up. Like??? His life has been in a constant state of falling apart since he became Nightwing (hell, even before that), but he still always put others first. And now Roy is dead, Donna is evil, Wally is who knows where after killing Roy, Jason and Bruce are back on the outs, etc, etc and people were saying they need him back to fix things when he's recovering from being shot in the head. If they let him point this out, the Ric arc

Pt 4) will have been validated in my eyes. Still fucking terrible writing wise, execution (I was excited for Talon! Dick but christ what I read of it was bad), one of the worst decisions they've made recently, and they've made a bunch of bad ones, but it will be validated in its existence to me.

Yeah, Dick takes a lot of crap from the members of his family; a lot of the things you listed are things that I am very much not a fan of, lmao. And I’d even add that, with the Ric stuff you mention, it wasn’t even that Dick “cut everyone off” so that he could recover; I should have made this clearer--Bruce and the rest of the family should take a lot of the blame for pushing Dick away. See, initially, Dick was open to the idea of getting to know his family. He visited the manor and then Bruce, impatient with the lack of progress Dick was making on regaining his memories, decided to take Dick down to the Batcave, show him the Nightwing suit (that still had the freaking blood from the gunshot wound on it Jesus Christ), and traumatize Dick with the video of him getting shot in the head in order to stir up some memories. Alfred and Damian help Bruce do this:

Nightwing: Rebirth Annual #2

And Dick is obviously horrified. After this, why in the world would Dick want to be Nightwing? Why would he want to associate with his “family”? Staying away from the manor wasn’t Dick cutting out people in his life who cared for him and were trying to help him; it was about, in Dick’s mind, staying away from people who were willing to hurt him, people who cared more about his utility and how they needed him to be Nightwing then they cared about his safety and wellbeing. It was a desperate move to protect himself from people he could no longer trust. It is clear that implanted false memories and other brainwashing was done from the very beginning (by the doctor Bruce specifically hired no less) in order to ensure that “Ric” would not be comfortable with Bruce and would be inclined to leave, but it was Bruce’s actions that had Dick running literally right into his brainwasher’s arms:

It’s also not even like afterwards Dick hid himself in some unknown location, completely out of contact. Barbara easily tracked Dick down to talk. And yet, when Barbara talks to him, she doesn’t ask Dick if he’s alright. She just tells him that they want him to regain his memories (umm...yeah you’ve made that clear), comments that he’s not acting like himself, and tells him to come back to the manor. So...it’s all about what the family wants. Dick says no, and there are zero attempts at a compromise. Maybe the family could have used the millions of dollars at its disposal to set Dick up elsewhere outside the manor so he doesn’t have to, uh, live in a cab? Maybe they could agree to occasional check-ins instead of the overbearing babysitting they were suggesting, that Dick is uncomfortable with? Maybe they could ask Dick what he wants? But, no. As soon as Dick doesn’t do exactly what they want him to, he’s on his own. People talk about how this arc is making Dick look bad, but beyond that, really it's making all of the family look like uncaring, selfish assholes.

That aside, about how I want this arc to conclude...it would be nice, as readers, to see Dick finally put his foot down and stand up for himself a little. But honestly? Him going off on everyone like you describe? I feel like that would be out of character. I could maybe see Dick telling off Batman, but I can’t even imagine Dick truly blowing up at Damian or Tim, or really even Barbara. People really over exaggerate Dick’s temper a lot; in reality, it usually takes very extreme circumstances, and often an insane amount of stress and/or brainwashing to make Dick lash out. Bruce is one of the few people that can make Dick lose his temper, so maybe. But I also think that when Dick is truly upset and emotionally compromised, his first move is to go somewhere to be alone. He doesn’t tend to lash out; he tends to retreat and isolate himself if he’s able. You’ll often see him hole himself in his apartment when everything becomes too much. Two good examples of this are in Joker’s Last Laugh and in the Outsiders. After Dick kills the Joker, he immediately retreats to his apartment to be alone, and likewise after Donna dies, he spends months isolated from his friends in Bludhaven:

Teen Titans/Outsiders Secret Files

And not only all that, but I really don’t think Dick yelling at everyone would be cathartic for him. If he did something like that, he’d feel terrible and guilty about it. He’d apologize. And I really don’t want him to have to apologize for anything in the aftermath of all this horrible stuff he’s been through. I don’t want any of the responsibility for making things right to be put on his shoulders. Though he’ll probably feel the need to try to fix things anyway, I’d actually prefer him to just...stay away from the family. Not avoid them, but let them be the ones to reach out to him for a change. Especially recently, Dick has had to do all the emotional work in his relationships; it would be so gratifying to have his friends and family put the work in on their own and be the ones to initiate so Dick doesn’t have to do all the heavy lifting.

And hey, I’d love even more for one of the numerous friends he used to have to step in and stand up for him instead, so he doesn’t have to. If the rest of the Titans were not currently being put through depressing arcs themselves (or being dead, RIP Roy), I think they definitely would’ve knocked some heads together. I think the only possible solution...is Uncle Clark coming to the rescue! Surely if Superman knew what was going on, he’d come down to the cave and give a good old fashioned tongue lashing to Batman for his pseudo-nephew’s sake! I’m not caught up with the Superman comics so idk what he’s up to rn, but please tell me this can happen and if not let me dream.

Thanks for the ask! I feel your pain, was pretty disappointed with Talon Dick. I really want to just reach into the comics and wrap Dick up in a blanket or something, give him rest!

#ask #dick grayson #ric grayson #nightwing #batman #bruce wayne #barbara gordon #damian wayne #negative #character analysis #meta

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stranger-who-writes-fiction · 3 years

Text

♫ Surfing on a soundwave, Swinging through the stars, Take a left at your intestine, Take your second right past mars!

On the Magic School smelly space bus! ♫

SPOILERS for Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow #2!

This is a comic where, the longer I sit with a particular issue, the more I’m like, ‘yeah. Yeah. YEAH.’

It’s dense in a way that invites the reader to go through it multiple times, and rewards additional readthroughs.

Also, it helps that the art is FREAKING AMAZING.

Seriously. Evely and Lopes should draw and color everything, forever, always.

(I will honestly be shocked if they don’t get an Eisner nom for this book.)

Anyways, all of this to say: Another issue that I enjoyed. It has one of the most genuinely sweet Supergirl moments I’ve seen in the comics in a good long while.

So, if you’re looking for a quick thumbs up/thumbs down rating, thumbs up!

If you’d like some SPECIFICS, though...

THE STORY

King is an evil genius because we don’t pick up where we left off--rather, we start in the midst of the Space Bus journey.

There is technically a Big Action Scene, but I was honestly surprised by how...casually? the story progressed.

Essentially: Kara and Ruthye are forced to travel by bus because 1.) Krem stole Kara’s rocket and 2.) this corner of the universe doesn’t have the right stars, so Kara’s still recovering from being under a red sun for an extended period of time.

The bus makes occasional stops; they encounter a space dragon; Kara takes some Red Kryptonite and saves the day; they eventually arrive on a planet with a yellow sun.

And again, all of this occurs with a kind of...breezy ease that I was not expecting at all.

I assumed that the space dragon fight would make up the final moments of the issue, after having built up the problem to a point where Kara needed to intervene.

But, noooope. The space dragon happens somewhere in the middle, which helps sell the central idea that this is simply Kara’s life. She’s been there, done that. She’s a badass who takes it all in stride.

But! Important to note! Ruthye still marvels at the sight of Kara taking out the space dragon, as well she should, because:

OH MY GOD. THE aRT.

There’s only so many times I can say, ‘it’s phenomenal, it’s gorgeous, it’s stunning’ before sounding like a broken record.

But it is. It truly is. This is the prettiest monthly book on the stands right now.

(Realizing I’ve been spelling Ruthye wrong this entire time, maybe? IDK. Apologies if I have.)

It’s in the final moments of the book that we learn what transpired after Krem shot Kara and Krypto and fled: Kara managed to get Krypto and Ruthye to a healer, and then passed out for a week.

Ruthye and Kara recovered, buuuuut...

Krypto is still very near death because the arrow was poisoned.

The healer can’t treat him until he has a sample of the poison.

Which Krem has.

(See where this is going?)

So! Kara regains her powers! Ruthye has a super on her side! KRYPTO’S LIFE HANGS IN THE BALANCE!

Gimme. Issue. 3. STAT.

THE CHARACTERS

Very much enjoyed Ruthye in this issue!

There’s a really tricky balancing act you gotta pull off when writing child characters; you don’t want to just write them as tiny adults, but you also don’t want to be obnoxious or cloying in trying to write ‘true-to-age.’

King gives himself a bit of a cheat, by setting her up as a rock farmer from a...what would you call it. An old-fashioned planet? And thus the kind of character who had to ‘grow up fast’ and behaves more maturely than your typical pre-teen might.

BUT! IMPORTANTLY! This is tempered by placing Ruthye in situations where her (understandable) ignorance is challenged/put to the test. Like, yes, she is mature, and well-spoken, and utterly tenacious, but she’s also out of her depth, and still in need of help and guidance.

(Which is how we get to The Best Scene which I’ll get to in just a sec.)

TL;DR - this issue has really sold me on Ruthye as our POV character and I am officially Invested in the relationship between her and Kara.

Speaking of...

It’s KARA-CTERIZATION TIME!

So, okay. There’s some ‘eh’ stuff in this one, but, BUT!

We got the goods again.

And by ‘goods’ I mean this:

Whatever other nitpicks I have (and I do! Have one! Which I’ll get to!) THIS. This right here! This is Supergirl. This is Kara.

And what a beautiful line to introduce this moment:

“And it began--as most things begin when you’re dealing with Supergirl--with a moment of kindness.”

It’s the same gentle concern we saw in the previous issue, where Kara knelt down to address Ruthye eye-to-eye.

Here, Kara’s facial expression, and the way she takes Ruthye’s hands and shows her what to do...

It’s just. SO SWEET.

Ahhhhh it’s so good. :D

So good! In fact! That the above scene offsets my one complaint, which is that Kara came off as harsh, IMO, when addressing the bus passengers, looking for Red K.

Other good stuff from this particular portion of the book: we get Kryptonese (maybe? I think?) And a mention of Kara’s mother being strict about certain things, which is in keeping with the 2000s series version of Alura.

Ruthye also asks if Kara ever tried to avenge the death of her family/culture and she says no; Ruthye says that she heard a lifetime of regret in Kara’s response, which I suppose could be read one of two ways:

1.) That she regrets her choice not to avenge them, or 2.) that she regrets not having the option to avenge them, as there was no one person to punch, no single action that could rectify the destruction of the entire planet.

I personally prefer the second reading.

Which I suppose contradicts the recent-ish “Killers of Krypton” arc, but who knows what is and isn’t canon anymore, honestly. XD

As for the rest of the issue! I found myself thinking of a Grant Morrison interview, actually.

Morrison apparently met a Superman cosplayer at a con and that’s when the character clicked for them: “[The superman cosplayer] was so in the character, but what really got me was the way he was sitting. It was this absolutely relaxed pose with one knee up and the arm bent over, and that’s what broke Superman for me. Suddenly I realized that Superman wouldn’t be a poser, he wouldn’t be a Muscle Beach steroid guy; he’d actually be completely relaxed because nothing could hurt him. He could be so open and friendly to everyone because no one can punch him or hurt him. He can’t get a cold, or be damaged by anything you’re carrying or wearing. For me that was the power of that, whether you want to frame it as magical or not, it actually informed the stories I wanted to write. I felt I understood him in a way I hadn’t until that moment.”

That’s always stuck with me, the idea that Clark would be the most at-ease, chill guy you'd ever talk to.

And THAT, I think, is what we’re seeing here with Kara. That at-ease-ness.

But in a way that is distinct from Clark! In the above quote, it’s clear that Morrison thinks it’s Clark’s powers that are the reason he can be so relaxed and at ease.

But Kara is de-powered here. So why is she so chill?

Because Kara is an alien.

Kara’s in her element, here. She’s used to space travel, she knows the ins-and-outs, she’s not shocked by any of the weird stuff they encounter on their journey.

Love it. LOVE. IT.

I am SO GLAD that King decided to go with Kara being the wizened mentor, as opposed to the naïve kid learning to be tough. It’s a much more interesting angle, IMO.

Also NO MENTION OF RIVALRY BETWEEN KARA AND CLARK. WOO. LET’S KEEP THIS ROLLIN’.

Alright, last, but certainly not least:

THE GOOD BOY! KRYPTO!

When I tell you I stress-read this entire comic first thing in the morning...XD

And I am STILL stressed. And a little sad that Krypto doesn’t get to go on another space adventure but! This is MIGHTY PREFERABLE to what I *thought* was going to happen, which is that Krypto would die from his injuries, and Kara would likewise be out for revenge.

Fortunately, that is not the case!

So like, the stakes?!?! Suddenly sky high. Find that dirtbag Krem and GET THAT POISON BACK TO THE HEALER!!

ART and MISC. STUFF THAT I LOVE

I generally don’t like to post entire pages of a comic, or panels without context, but the...reach? of this blog is extremely limited so. I think we’ll be okay. XD

So, alright! Some moments that I particularly enjoyed!

One of the panels that Mat Lopes shared early on!

I want this lettered version on a mug.

(Also she looks very ’Grace Kelly-ish’ here.)

Love Kara’s facial expression and her line about space travel being more fun when you can fly.

From the same portion of the book--such a neat detail that Kara keeps her cash in her sleeve!

Another set of panels that I think Tom King shared a few months back.

Love Kara’s little smirk, and the, “I’m wearing a big yellow S on my chest, and a very fashionable red skirt.”

It IS fashionable. WE SUPPORT THE SKIRT, IN THIS HOUSE.

Also the slrrrrrrp. XD

It’s good.

Okay, 1.) VERY COOL SCI-FI DESIGN and 2.) that line is great. “Can you feel it, Ruthye? We’re getting closer. The stars are changing.”

Mmmm, them good cosmic Kara vibes.

Kara’s attitude about the Red K here is fun, like, ‘WELP, sometimes you turn into a monster, sometimes you don’t!’ but again, the line is what gets me.

“Did my hair move?”

“I do not believe so.”

Honestly? I could post the whole comic here. Evely’s vision of ‘public transit, but space’ is just so immediately...not ‘real’, necessarily, because there’s such a fantastical element to it all, but it is fully realized. I think I used the phrase ‘lived-in’ and that’s it--this world feels like it has always existed; every grimy nook and cranny, every rando space bus traveler.

And Mat Lopes’ colors!

There are like, five distinct color palettes at work in this issue, and Lopes handles them all masterfully.

I think my favorite is the...I’ll call it ‘ethereal space aquarium’ lighting in the bus as they view the space dragon.

The glow and the shadows and the blues and pinks...

GGGGGGGGAAAHHHHHHHHHH so goooooooood

So, yeah. :D

I am very much enjoying this weird, wild ride with small, precocious Ruthye and wizened, crusty Kara. XD There’s some stuff that I don’t *love* but my goodness, it could be a lot worse!

Let us end on the beautiful title page:

#long post #supergirl: woman of tomorrow #supergirl: woman of tomorrow spoilers #dc comics #kara zor el #comic thoughts #comic opinions

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justauthoring · 4 years

Text

I Don’t Wanna Die Alone [Xavier Plympton]

Request(s): I would like to request a Xavier Plympton x reader kind of angsty. So for plot I would like of Xavier and the reader had a pre-established relationship and it's a healthy relationship. They get along well and genuinely love one another. I would like the reader to get killed or seriously hurt and for Xavier to find them. Xavier desperately trying to help but knowing there is nothing he can do. If the reader is just hurt maybe he can lay with them as they hear jingles walking towards them. Thanks!

can you do one with xavier where the reader hits her head badly trying to run and dies in xavier’s arms at camp redwood. idk if you’ve watched teen wolf or not but maybe like vibes from the scene where allison died. ???

Hi hello I would like to request an Xavier/Reader fic where Xavier witnesses reader’s death, and how that affects him when interacting with reader in the camp as ghosts. Relationship is your choice but my vote is on romantic :)

Requested by: @redama

Pairing: Xavier Plympton x Reader

Word Count: 1,974

Notes: ya’ll, as much as i will always love evan, seeing an edit of this dude is what made me wanna watch ahs in the first place and i feel so fucking satisfied to finally be able to write for him lol. i literally just finished 1984 and i cannot help but write right now even tho im sick and have work early in the morning. so appreciate my dedication here :)

Please don’t plagiarize my work!

It felt like your lungs were on fire. Your body was screaming at you to stop, but your mind kept reminding you of why you couldn’t -- because if you did, he’d find you and kill you.

You just had to have a shower; you couldn’t just listen to Margaret and wait until the morning. Or at least, accept Xavier’s offer to join you. That way you wouldn’t be alone right now, running from a crazed murderer. And Jesus, you barely had time to even get dressed. Your hair was a soaking wet mop on top of your head and all you had on was your shorts and bra; the fucking asshole didn’t even give you time to put on your shoes.

All you wanted was Xavier. Part of you, maybe you were going crazy, would be satisfied dying if it meant getting to die with Xavier. Not alone. If you were going to die, which it really felt like you were going to you, you didn’t want to do it alone.

You’d tried screaming, louder then you ever had before. Your throat was raw but it seemed no one could hear you; which sucked ass. You hadn’t thought you were that far from the cabins, but apparently you were farther then you thought because there was no one coming to save you. Absolutely no one. All you could count on was your years of track in High School and pray that got you far enough that you could at least find someone.

Or out run Mr. Jingles. That’d be great to. Find a place to hide, something.

Taking a sharp turn to the right, you hiss lightly at your arm scraping against a branch. It stings and you allow yourself a moment to glance down at the now bleeding scratch on your arm before pushing it to the back of your mind, focusing your attention on your steps and where to take them. The entire forest felt like a damned maze and you were clearly lost without any knowledge on how to get to either the road or back to Camp Redwood.

You were starting to feel like you were going crazy. Insane. Something of the like. Your heart was beating a mile per minute and your skin was clammy with sweat and you just wanted to sleep. You wanted to be in Xavier’s arms, laying comfortably against his chest while he held you close.

A sudden scream pulls you from your thoughts. It causes you to halt, coming to a sudden and sharp stop as you turn your head sharply over your shoulder. You expect to hear footsteps, another screaming, something but for a moment, it’s just silence. Complete and utter silence. All you can hear is your own rapid breath and the sound of the adrenaline pumping in your veins from the absolute terror running through your entire body.

And then, it’s just faint, you hear your name. Someone’s calling out for you.

“Y/N! Y/N! Where are you! Are you okay?”

That’s... That’s Xavier!

Eyes widening with hope, you feel your lips twitching into just the faintest of smiles, thinking that if anyone will be able to save you, it’ll be him. You move to turn, your lips parting to call out for Xavier in return. However, you don’t hear the approaching footsteps or notice the figure that falls to your left. You don’t, at least, until there’s a sharp pain in your left shoulder. Your lips part, a gasp falling past your lips as you start up into the face of none other then Mr. Jingles.

He rips the knife out of your shoulder, and you stumble back in response, your hand shakily raising to fall over the wound. You glance down briefly, watching the blood pool your skin, before turning back to Mr. Jingles.

“Please...” You breathe shakily, “don’t--!”

You never get to finish your stomach before he stabs you again; this time directly in your stomach. Your knees grow weak beneath you and as he mercilessly pulls the knife from you once more, you no longer have the strength to hold yourself up. You hit the ground with a thud, a whimper leaving your lips as your vision blurs.

Mr. Jingles crawls over you, knees on either side of you as he easily pushes your head to the side, revealing your ear to him. With a almost mocking gentleness he brushes your hair back, taking the top of your ear and slicing it right off. Somehow you have the strength to scream; it piercing the silence of the forest as Mr. Jingles simply stands up, with his price, and stalks off.

He just leaves you there.

It feels like hours, but can’t be more than a few moments, you just graveling on the ground, before another figure falls next to you. You assume it to be Mr. Jingles, coming to finish the job quicker then he’d originally intended and you don’t have the strength to fight or scream or even really cry. But then warm arms are pulling you into a lap and you blink, glancing up to meet Xavier’s piercing blue eyes staring back down at you.

Except, his eyes are flooded with welling tears as he gets a good look at you.

“X-Xavier...”

“Y/N... Oh, God... Oh, God, Y/N--!”

Shaking your head, your lips part to speak, but you find yourself choking on your own blood, it pooling around your mouth. Your body jerks in response, Xavier desperately attempting to apply pressure to your wounds but you know it’s useless.

You raise your hand, settling it over his own with a shaky determination. Your action pulls his eyes on you and with your eyes glossing over, you smile up at him. “I... I love you...”

Your body falls limp in his hands then.

“Y/N... Y/N, Y/N, wake up!” Xavier finds the words pouring from his lips, unable to think rationally as he desperately tries to shake you back awake. But, of course, nothing words. And eventually, he ends up just pulling you close, curling you up against him as a sob breaks past his lips.

Montana finds him moments later.

“Xavier, we have-- oh, shit, Y/N! No, no, no!”

Finally pulling his gaze up, Xavier meets Montana’s gaze through a blurred vision. “I was too late,” he whispers, voice a raspy imitation of how he normally sounds. “He got to her before I... I couldn’t save her...”

Montana’s lips part to say something, but she finds herself speechless. Her heart wrenches at the thought of you dead, given that the two of you had always been close, and she’s never quite seen Xavier so... helpless. She wants to say something to comfort him, but doesn’t know what. And seeing you, lifeless in his arms, hurts her just as much.

However, before she can dwell on it much longer, the sound of keys jingling echoes.

“Oh, fuck!” Montana curses, pushing herself up to her feet desperately and latching onto Xavier’s arm. “Come on, Xav. We got to go. We got to go!”

“No, no!” Xavier cries, holding onto your body tighter. “I’m not leaving her here.”

“We have to go!”

“I’m not leaving her here!”

“Look at me, look at me!” Grabbing Xavier tightly by the cheeks, Montana pulls his gaze sharply on her own. “Y/N wouldn’t want you to die like this, okay? She’d want you to live! She’d want you to survive. We both know it!” Breathless, Xavier stays silent, unable to argue with Montana. “So, we have to go!”

One glance down at you and Xavier knows she’s right.

Shakily, he eases his grip on you, setting you gently back on the ground and moving to stand up. However, before he does, he slips his jacket off, placing it over you as to cover you the best he can. “Okay,” he whispers, voice broken. “Let’s go.”

“You’re gonna have to talk to me eventually.”

Xavier stays silent, back turned to you as he stares out blankly in front of him.

Sighing, you shake your head, daring to take another step forward. “We are stuck here for eternity, Xav.” You remind softly, continuing to walk forward more and more. You don’t stop until you’re directly behind Xavier, making sure he can’t run off like he has all times before. You’re desperate for him to finally face you. “You can’t just ignore me.”

“Why do you even want to talk to me in the first place?”

Jerking your head back in surprise -- at both the fact that this is the first time Xavier’s spoke to you since you’d woken up from death and his actual words -- you blink at the back of Xavier’s head. However, soon enough he’s spinning to face you, his eyes finally meeting your own as he shakes his head at you. You find yourself also surprised at the tears in his eyes.

Gathering yourself, you shake your head; “what’re you talking about?”

“You died!” He calls out, causing you to furrow your brows. Huffing, he clarifies himself; “you died because of me.”

Lips parting, you move to respond, but find yourself unable to. Is that what he thinks? That he killed you? He must’ve lost his damn mind because you know for a fact that it was Mr. Jingles who killed you. The fact that he actually blames himself... you feel your heart twist uncomfortably, shaking your head desperately as you reach out for Xavier. He only steps back from your touch causing your arms to fall by your side helplessly.

“Is that what you think?” You whisper, never tearing your gaze off his own. “Xav, you didn’t kill me... Mr. Jingles did.”

“I let you go off on your own! I... wasn’t quick enough!” Inhaling sharply, Xavier wipes at his cheeks desperately, trying to hide the tears that profusely fall down his cheeks. Then, he gathers himself enough to utter one last sentence, a broken whisper. “I didn’t protect you.”

You step forward, reaching out for Xavier. This time he doesn’t pull away, shoulders slumping as your hands move to cup his cheeks, shaking your head repeatedly. “You did protect me,” you whisper, “you always did. And I didn’t die because of you. I died because of some pathetic man. I ran off to have a shower, I didn’t let you come with me... So, please,” letting your thumb stroke his cheek softly, you smile up at him. “Just... kiss me.”

Xavier’s resolve slowly falls with each word. By the end of it, his tears have halted and he finds himself stunned by your forgiveness. He finds his hands reaching out for you, desperate for your touch as his hands fall on your waist, pulling you flush against him.

“You want me to kiss you?”

“I’ve never wanted you to kiss me more than I have now.”

A smirk crawls onto his lips and slowly but surely, Xavier leans down, pressing his lips against your own. The kiss is short, chaste, but it means everything to you. Able to hold Xavier like this again means everything to you. Your arch into his touch, your hand sliding up the back of his neck as you moan into the kiss, Xavier returning it with just as much ferocity.

It’s been so long since you’ve been able to kiss him like this.

Pulling back, Xavier leans his forehead against your own, breathless. “I’ve missed you...”

“Well,” you smile lightly, leaning back to meet his gaze. “Like I said, we have all of eternity here... You’ll never have to miss me again.”

Xavier’s faint smile turns into a grin.

“I like the sound of that.”

Let me know what you thought?