#i've been trying to phrase it as delicately as possible
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Archetype Exploration: Perfect Soldiers
(Hey, please look at this blog's pinned post before reading this post; it gives a lot of context for the lens I'm looking at these characters through, k thx. also, shoutout to @finalgirl-nihilbliss for guessing the archetype)
CW: Abuse, Projection, Surface-Level Media Analysis
If your comfort character exhibits any of the following symptoms:
constant brooding
face frozen in a perpetual scowl
possession of a "dark past" they don't like to talk about
frequent blank stares into the middle distance
constantly trains for something uncertain
You may have just found yourself in the presence of a Perfect Soldier.
Perfect soldiers are characters who were groomed, often from birth, for the sole purpose of inflicting harm on their fellow man. These characters are efficient, tactically-minded, and above all else, violent. Perfect soldiers will often excel at combat and strategy, but struggle with emotional sensitivity.
Note that just because these characters are violent and closed off now doesn't mean that this is their natural temperament. Often, perfect soldiers have some kind of natural compassion that was stomped out through years of abuse training. This can come in the form of a sole loved one who tragically died, but more often than not, it simply manifests as a soft side sanded away.
If the Perfect Soldier doesn't start that way, who is to blame for their transformation? In sci-fi and fantasy, this transformation is usually caused by a morally corrupt institution built to churn out perfect soldiers (the Jedi Academy, the Galalunan Military Academy, the Space Marine Legions, etc.). Other times, perfect soldiers are groomed raised by a cruel and abusive father figure (Endeavor, Bro Strider, Belos, etc.). Some settings even blend the two by having an institution with a twisted general (think Shadow Weaver from She-Ra).
Typically, if a perfect soldier has a character arc, it's usually one of healing and letting go of their anger. This almost always contains at least two of these three steps in the order of your choosing:
The perfect soldier leaves the institution of their torment, either by circumstance or by excommunication. Once on the outside, they'll typically find that their raw might is irrelevant to their survival, and they'll instead need to rely on their lacking social skills. This exit from the comfort zone will prompt the soldier to learn a lot of people skills, typically leading to a "softening up" of sorts. Note that this doesn't have to be a literal escape from a physical place. Rather, it could just be a character being outside their guardian's zone of influence.
The perfect soldier discovers some imperfection with their guardian/institution. Perhaps there's some kind of inconsistency in its moral values. Other times, the soldier finds a secret the guardian/institution has been covering up. Whatever it is, this will prompt the soldier to question their leaders' infallibility.
The perfect soldier meets a person who shows concern for them in spite of the soldier's outward hostility. This outside party will likely witness or hear about the perfect soldier's tumultuous upbringing and take pity on them. This will likely prompt an attempt to reach out to the soldier, something which may or may not be rejected. Whatever the case, this act compassion will likely stick with the soldier, and prompt them to think about their own worth.
An arc like this usually resolves with a direct confrontation with the abusive mentor(s) who turned them into a weapon of war. If the soldier is a member of the supporting cast, this may come in the form of some heroic self-sacrifice, usually to protect the aforementioned outside party. Alternatively, if the soldier is a protagonist, their confrontation will likely be much more active, and may even be a proper fight. The soldier tends to win this fight either with the power of friendship or compassion but this isn't a strict requirement. If the writers really want to get spicy with it, they might even spare their tormentor, really leaning into the idea of abandoning violence (note that this runs the risk of coming off as a "forgive your abusers" narrative).
Alternatively, the lack of a grand confrontation can be a form of narrative resolution in and of itself. Living well is the best revenge, after all, and showing that our former perfect soldier has moved on to a happier, more peaceful life can be a far stronger statement of growth than a glitzy fight to the death.
(This is the part where I tie this whole thing back into the gimmick of the account. If you just wanted a Trope Talk style summary of the archetype, you've seen all there is to see. Thanks for reading, and don't forget to do your daily clicks.)
Why do you keep submitting this?
So, out of all the characters that I've seen submitted, this is easily the most prolific character archetype. At the time of writing, somewhere between 40-50 characters that have been posted roughly fit this archetype, and that's not including any of the characters I haven't posted yet.
Why do submitters connect this particular trope with trans women so damn much?
Firstly, it's important to consider that in most western fiction, the soldier is an inherently masculine archetype. From the classical epics of the Odyssey and the Iliad, to the superheroes and action stars of modern-day blockbusters, there's a very real conflation between a character's manhood and a character's capacity to do violence. A lot of mainstream military propaganda does the same, suggesting that men who enlist are more "authentically masculine" than those who do. This archetype serves as a critique of that idea; it shows us that this masculine ideal can be, and often is, a soul-crushing experience. In a sense, the idea of transitioning serves as an escape from this image.
Furthermore, it's important to consider what this character arc is actually about: a miserable character discovering that a better life is possible, and making steps to achieve personal peace. Often, these characters are fiercely loyal to the institutions that take advantage of them. These characters are often fine with it because they can't conceive of a better world. Once that's presented to them, that's when they start to leave. Frankly, given that a lot of people still don't end up knowing about trans folks until they're adults, I'm surprised more trans people don't connect to characters like this.
Finally, this arc gets back to the core question at the center of this blog: could transition have saved her? The archetype, in its construction necessitates a level of misery, ergo it implies that the character needs saving. It's no wonder these characters tend to garner a lot of Hurt/Comfort fanfic (Anakin Skywalker alone has more Hurt/Comfort fic than some of my favorite fandoms period). There's an inherent desire for these characters have better lives, and maybe some estrogen could do it.
This is my best guess, anyway. If you have thoughts, feel free to share them.
#archetype exploration#trope analysis#cw abuse#cw projection#cw surface level media analysis#transgender#sorry for taking so long to finish this post#i've been trying to phrase it as delicately as possible
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So I was, as per normal, thinking again about Stede just collapsing into the cabin-kiss, and like-- we talk a lot about how Stede had just killed a guy, he was maybe not in the best headspace for sexy times, but--
in looking around for a kiss gif (AS PER NORMAL), I saw this one too:
...and I've been wondering and wondering about that face, right? Stede's face. A bit silly, kind of the embodiment of "smiling helplessly", a phrase that sounds bad out of context but usually appears when someone is just absolutely delighted by the existence of something-- or someone-- doing something ridiculous and amazing...
And it occurred to me that: Stede went to hide in his room so he could freak out, right? He's used to hiding, or trying to hide, how he feels when it comes to the childhood trauma stuff. And he's used to literally hiding in his cabin unless/until someone approaches that he has to mask back up for-- we see that all the way back in the very first episode of season 1.
But that night? The person who approached was Ed.
And not there asking him to be 'the captain'. Not telling him to 'man up' about the killing thing. Not even asking him to be the Romantic Lead or the Lost Love Return'd, roles Stede had been eager and wanting to play but just. not right now.
It could've gone wrong. Stede didn't say "come in"-- he didn't say anything at all, just opened the door, maybe expecting-- god, what he's gotten before, every single other time his entire life--
And Ed... changes the script.
He doesn't step in, doesn't break Stede's boundary, doesn't ask for anything from Stede. He just wants to see if Stede's okay. And more than that: By providing his own feelings about killing his dad, he's letting Stede know that, for the record? Stede doesn't have to be okay.
So... so for maybe the first time that Stede can remember-- or at least maybe the first time we see on-screen-- Stede is hurting, and. And someone comes to comfort him.
No ulterior motives. No quid pro quo. No requirement that he feel one way or another, be this or that kind of person.
Someone-- no, not just someone, Ed, who knows Stede, who's seen him and understood him and could ask so much from Stede if he wanted to-- just sees that he's hurting, and wants to help.
And like-- have you ever felt that kind of kindness? It's heady enough when it's a stranger. But when it's someone you know, someone you care about, someone you trust (hope, pray that you can trust) to hold the delicate, vulnerable heart of you--
Fuck, okay, that face, that silly face, that face that says nothing but looks like it's about to cry and to laugh and it's heartbreak for the past that never felt that kind of comfort and wonder for the person who made it possible in the present and it all adds up to just smiling helplessly--
Listen.
They say that in musicals, songs happen when a character's feelings are too strong for mere dialogue to contain.
I say that in this moment, Stede's actions aren't because he's addled from the kill, but because his feelings-- what love can mean beyond "romance", what it does, what it gives, what it allows, what it makes possible-- rise up and over and wash his hands against Ed's jacket and twist them both to the wall, and then, and then--
just collapse him into that warm embrace, where all the hundred thousand words he could try to find to explain what this love feels like can, for a short while at least, be transmuted into a form that can say them all at once.
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Hi!! I don't mean to be a bother, but could I possibly request rengoku and tengen (without wives and separately done!) smut hcs please? I understand if you don't do it! stay healthy 🤍
# smut headcannons !
✧༉‧₊˚୨ 💌 ୧・author's note :: sure anon! I hope these are okay, I'm not the best smut writer qnq also! sorry for the huge delay, I've been lacking motivation lately. when I get tengen's part done, I'll update it here!
✧༉‧₊˚୨ 🍫 ୧・pairing :: Uzui T. x afab reader [not completed yet.] ⁞⁞ Kyojuro R. x afab reader — {you/your pronouns | separately done}
✧༉‧₊˚୨ ✖ ୧・trigger warnings :: mentions of female and male genitals. dirty talk. daddy kink. praise kink. size kink. biting. hickeys. slight mentions of rough sex. semi-public sex. fingering. raw dogging. spanking. ⁞⁞ 18+ content, children dni please. proofread.
𝐊𝐘𝐎𝐉𝐔𝐑𝐎 𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐎𝐊𝐔.
꒰🔥꒱. I see Rengoku being into praising his precious lover in bed {consciously and subconsciously he does it}, he is a cinnamon roll after all, and a total sweetheart as a whole. Our beloved Umai King would also be extremely cautious with what he says; always taking into consideration your every action and signals with how you're feeling in bed. This time is precious to him and he takes it very seriously, always muttering phrases and short words of adoration and encouragement for your full enjoyment. Whispering ever so softly in your ear, always singing your praises to his heart's content.
꒰🔥꒱. Back in the Era Demon Slayer does take place in {1912-1926 || Taisho Era}, condoms did in fact exist, however, I believe Kyojuro prefers to go in fully raw for maximum pleasure as your walls tighten around him. That can translate to him wanting to prepare you a bit to take his entire length properly and with ease. He takes pride in prepping you, taking his time and lubing his fingers with some oil to make the process much easier.
꒰🔥꒱. He begins slow and gentle, soft to the touch; always treating you like some sort of dainty, delicate piece of porcelain throughout the process. Checking up on you at every moment as lewd cries of contentment escape from underneath your lips.
꒰🔥꒱. The flame Hashira does have a somewhat "rowdy" side to him. The thought of being able to do the deed with someone he loves ever so much really gets the blood flowing, to certain areas of course. So even though he's such a gentle sweetheart, he can still be rough in some subtle ways at times.
꒰🔥꒱. These can include bite marks along your body — hickeys and even light bruises peppering your breasts and neck; a few sprinkled along your collarbone area as well, as a finishing touch. It depends on what exactly is being done, but, he does tend to leave a few playful bite marks along your inner thigh area while giving you oral.
꒰🔥꒱. Because, let's face it, you know he's eating you out like there is no tomorrow. Rengoku is the Umai King after all, it's no surprise he can take that same talent of eating sweet potatoes and do the same to you, instead this time, he's eating out something that's definitely better than any food. He would ultimately prefer to give oral rather than receive, your needs come before his, always!
꒰🔥꒱. Rengoku is definitely an ass guy, don't try changing my mind. I see him loving to hold it within his palms gently, something about it just feels so enthralling that he can't even begin to come to his correct senses when he sees you in doggy style. That alone will make him pounce on you with little to no hesitation. Regardless of the size as well, he doesn't really care how big it is, once there's enough for him to grip and drool over as he pleases, it'll be a true treasure.
꒰🔥꒱. Kyojuro seems like the type to have a liking towards things smaller than him, so those rules will definitely apply to his lover as well. Especially if you're a bit shorter than the average person, bonus points to you right there, it only makes his size kink worsen each time. He simply adores the fact you're so tiny compared to him, yet so strong and able to take each, individual inch of his meaty cock every time; it makes him feel a sense of endearment per se. His little person's ability to feel all of him, honestly, makes him melt for you.
꒰🔥꒱. An alternative take on his size kink would also be a size kink, but you're bigger than him. He would have just as much adoration and love for you even if you were taller than him in just height alone. The cream of the crop that really gets him going has to be when he actually enters your warm hole. He practically dotes at the sight of your expressions as you tremble under his soft, loving touch. Despite your size difference, you're still extremely tight and sensitive to the touch — the Hashira is indeed fond of that.
꒰🔥꒱. He would most likely have a huge daddy kink as well. Of course, he wouldn't exactly mention it upfront, he would be a bit embarrassed to do so. I don't think he knows he has one until you call him it while he's ramming himself into one time. When you called him that, it almost made him feel a sense of power, but moreover, if he were to be frank, he could've felt himself get harder inside you from that word alone. Rengoku would definitely want you to say it more often; I firmly believe he would even imply it in his words as well while whispering sweet nothings into your ear.
꒰🔥꒱. Sex position-wise, I see him having a preference for wanting to have a view of your angelic face while also being able to please you to the fullest, of course, there are a few exceptions like doggy style, but here's some in line with his preferred liking. So, mating press, missionary, cowgirl {reverse cowgirl at certain times}, g-whiz and the seashell, to name a few. Ideally, Kyojuro would like to do it in a place of privacy so he can focus on you and you primarily, always putting your needs first. However, if there ever came a time when you wanted him urgently, he wouldn't hesitate to take a risk. Whether that be behind a large building or a bathroom stall for a brief moment to have a quickie.
꒰🔥꒱. As I stated directly before, he has a particular fondness for ass, specifically yours, rather than anything else. So out of impulse he would spank you or leave slight bruising along your waistline as he holds onto you.
꒰🔥꒱. He doesn't spank you hard, it's usually a simple small slap, but from the moment you start asking/begging for more, just keep in mind, his normal sweet demeanour will change to something otherworldly; trust me, he will not hesitate to give you what you want by any means. Whether that being you want him to be rougher, harder or even leave more marks on you, he will make sure you're satisfied down to the last touch.
© yandere-smoothie :: please don't re-claim or translate my works without permission! <3
#headcanon#kny x y/n#demon slayer#kny x you#rengoku kyojuro#kyojuro smut#kyojuro x you#kimetsu kyojuro#kyojuro my beloved#kyojuro imagine#kyojurou#rengoku smut#kimetsu rengoku#rengoku x you#rengoku x reader#demon slayer rengoku#kny x fem reader#kny x reader#demon slayer smut#hashira
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(Resend because i got the order wrong aldjfakfj)
Hey there! So you know the official art of Ralsei titled "Floralsei" where he's surrounded by flowers? I've been interested in the possible symbolisms behind these flowers and wanted to share a bit of my analysis with you haha. (I know there's a chance that merch isn't canon, but we also get "Weird Route" foreshadowing through the Line Stickers, so who knows? ¯_(ツ)_/¯)
In the picture, I think we can identify several flowers such as 1. "Red Roses", 2. "Lily of the Valley", 3. "African Violet" , 4. "Hibiscus",5. "Snapdragons" and 6. "Forget-Me-Nots". (link to pic: https://imgur.com/a/NXAs1jv) I'll try to list the symbolism of each one here…
"Red Roses": These flowers are placed prominently in the center, forming Ralsei's scarf and adorning his hat. While they appear as dark pink in the artwork, I interpret them as representing red, especially considering Ralsei's default scarf is called the Red Scarf. Red roses are traditionally associated with romantic love, which aligns with Ralsei's one-sided affection towards Kris.
"Lily of the Valley": This flower symbolizes purity, happiness, and sweetness. It carries diverse symbolism and is often used in various settings, such as weddings and religious ceremonies, to convey messages of hope, purity, and the joy of new beginnings.
"African Violet": (I'm not entirely certain about this, but the shape seems to resemble the flower in the pic…) This flower signifies loyalty, devotion, and faithfulness. In addition to representing faithfulness and fidelity, African Violets can also convey admiration and respect, especially when given as a token of high esteem.
"Hibiscus": Often associated with beauty, femininity, and delicate charm, the hibiscus is known for its stunning appearance and vibrant colors. It symbolizes delicate beauty, youthfulness, and a sense of joy.
"Snapdragons": These flowers embody both deception and gracefulness. According to legends, their unique appearance with "dragon mouth" shapes can represent deception, while others view them as symbols of grace and openness. (Deception seems particularly fitting considering Ralsei's mysterious nature and the secrets he keeps from Kris and the others.)
"Forget-Me-Nots": These flowers serve as a clear reminder of the phrase "Don't Forget." (It reminds me of Ralsei's Line Sticker where he's depicted singing "Don't Forget.")
Let me know if I made any mistakes, and I would greatly appreciate any feedback you have!
Oh, I didn't actually know about this! Some Ralsei fan I am, lol :P It's very pretty though, I've just seen that it's a print on a T-shirt, which I'm now sorely tempted to purchase because of how good it looks! Thanks for bringing this to my attention, it's appreciated :)
Moving on to your analysis of the different types of flowers... there's not too much I can really add here I feel - flowers and their meanings are sadly not my forte. However, a lot of the meanings you transcribed here do definitely relate to Ralsei and his character. Of particular note is the Snapdragon and its allusion to "deception" - as you rightly state, our favourite fluffy boy is definitely withholding crucial information from everyone, both about the plot at large and his own character.
You know what else caught my eye, actually? I'm just checked because I wasn't sure if I was misremembering, but Lily of the Valley is actually poisonous, and can cause skin irritation if touched directly, and its berries can cause serious harm or even death if ingested. It's a stretch, but applying this to Floralsei (what a name, by the way!) you could perhaps posit that whatever secret he's keeping, it's so dangerous it might cause irreparable damage if it were to ever come out. Or perhaps it's a warning - he may be pretty, but get too close and you'll get hurt.
With that said, however, I don't actually think Ralsei is secretly malicious or anything like that. My current theory is that he's not telling us stuff for two reasons - one is that he's directly serving the narrative by revealing pieces of vital information at critical moments in the story, as evidenced by the dramatic reveal of the Roaring and the Titans JUST before Berdly creates a new dark fountain in the cyber world; and the other is that he is trying to protect his friends from information that they might find distressing, and/or won't be relevant to them unless the worst case scenario happens (which it's obviously gonna... but I digress).
I'm sorry I couldn't really add any more to this discussion, because it is quite fascinating! I'd be quite interested to see what others think, if any further insight can be provided on this topic!
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youtube
More voice claims, and more characters this time around
I was gonna try to do all my Olivia characters I have so far, but a handful of them were proving difficult to figure out, so I decided to go with what I already had. If I can figure out the rest, I'll have a part two for this one.
Voice notes under the cut, copy-pasted from the video link:
(sorry if some are a lot shorter than the others, I have more to say about some of them than the rest... just know I stand by my choices for the most part lol)
Olivia Wolfgang - Tara Strong (Unikitty - UniKitty!): This was another one that in my mind was "specific yet vague" (still don't know if that phrase makes sense but), but I kind of figured it out? The thing with Olivia's voice is that I don't want it to be too annoying, but it still has to be the right amount of childish/excited. A lot of possible voices were either too high or babyish, or not childish enough. Since one of my biggest inspirations for her as a character was Spongebob (who is voiced by Tom Kenny), I supposed that a voice done by someone like Tara Strong could probably work, and I've found that her voice for Unikitty is the best example so far. However, one thing I need to mention is that I do imagine Olivia having a slight lisp. (Another one of her biggest inspirations is Larry the Cucumber from Veggie Tales, who has a lisp-- and if I were to direct someone voice-acting for Olivia, I'd probably tell them "like Larry the Cucumber but more girly," lol.)
Kevin Hyenadae - Dana Carvey (Garth Algar - Wayne's World): Garth has always been the voice I imagine for Kevin, again since Garth was a big inspiration for him. A very specific, awkward kind of voice. He sounds exactly like this tbh.
Dusty Carol - Tara Strong (Raven - Teen Titans): Another instance where I've always heard an OC this way (though I don't think Raven is much of an inspiration for Dusty's character beyond "both of these characters are goth-girls with purple in their colour-schemes."). A good balance of uninterested-goth who can still show positive emotions (there are plenty of examples of "goth-girl" voices that are way too monotone for my liking, at least in reference to my character.) Also don't get distracted by the fact that the examples I've used for both Olivia and Dusty are the same voice actress (Tara Strong), these are merely examples, rather than, "this is exactly the people I would cast if this was a cartoon with full voice-acting." It is kind of funny that they're the same actress here, though.
Audrey Hyenadae - Fryda Wolff (Penny Crygor - Warioware: Get It Together!): She should sound confident, maybe TOO confident. Very determined, too, and a little rough perhaps? But still young (she's 12c LOL.) I also considered Pepper Anne's voice for her, but I thought it sounded a little too old.
Parfait Brulee - Toni Barry (Snork Maiden - Moomin): Parfait's voice should be very light and delicate, kind of feminine and very nice. Not much else to say!
Laramie Lemon ("Lemon") - Melissa Altro (Pippi Longstocking - Pippi Longstocking (1998)): I'll be honest, I had a lot of trouble finding Lemon's voice claim. I knew she should sound real friendly, with an air of confidence. A real go-getter! But eventually I thought Pippi Longstocking's voice fit well enough. (Don't be surprised if one day I come back and change this one LMAO)
Tami Kachiyama - Michaela Dietz (Amethyst - Steven Universe): Kind of rough sounding, kind of rude but not too much. I think I've always imagined her sounding like Amethyst.
Ellie Gibson - Olivia Olson (Marceline - Adventure Time): She should sound really cool, and pretty chill. She knows what she's doing! Another one where I've always imagined her with this specific voice! I did consider Wendy's voice from Gravity Falls, but I found that it wasn't chill enough. (btw I could've included a snippet for singing, since Ellie is a musician who sings, but I decided I wanted more attention for a regular talking voice. You can look up any Marceline song from Adventure Time if you want an example.)
Conner Oakley - Rickie Sorensen (Arthur - The Sword In The Stone): Another one that was harder to figure out. But, I knew he should sound a little friendly and very kind, maybe a little awkward. There were a couple of voices I considered, but found they were a little too loud, or rough, etc. But I thought Arthur from Sword In The Stone was a pretty good fit! The only thing is that he should have a southern accent, too... But it's surprisingly difficult to find voices with American-Southern accents that aren't girls, rude-sounding, or fully-grown men lol. (I'll also tell you it was a bit hard to compile the voice lines for this one because Arthur has like three different voice actors in that movie lol, but I think I found lines from just the one va.)
Sally O'Dylan-Gaterson - Jo Firestone (Annie Fantasy - Teenage Euthanasia): Nerdy, nice, shy-sounding, with a bit of a lisp (though I don't have a preference on the severity of said lisp.) I also considered Gretchen from Disney's Recess, but she sounded too smart/sophisticated? Sally is nerdy, but not that much academically speaking.
Danny Squiggles - Arin Hanson (Max - Game Grumps' Sam & Max playthrough): Ok uhhhh this one's kind of funny. The idea for his voice was originally inspired by Jon Lovitz's Tommy Flanagan character from SNL (I know very niche lol), especially since he was partially inspired by that character. But, I thought that, while it would be EXTREMELY funny, I thought Danny should sound less like a fully-grown adult. Surprisingly, when I was casually watching Game Grumps' let's-play of Sam & Max, I found that the voice Arin did for Max let's play would fit pretty well. I also considered Meowth's voice, but he just sounds too much like a cat, yknow?
Margot Nodarobutte - Stephanie Anne Mills (Lindsay - Total Drama Island): Margot should sound like a girly-teenager. Kind of air-headed, too. But not too much? And not like a valley-girl. I thought Lindsay's voice fit those parameters well.
Chloe Lovebird - Colleen O'Shaughnessey (Crystal Flowers Snagrash - Psychonauts): Somehow it was hard to figure out Chloe's voice, but I got it eventually lol. She's gotta have a high voice, and she should sound pretty annoying. I mean, her annoyance-factor should rival Olivia's, lol. Very excitable. She's a parrot after all, lol.
Debbie Xander - Brittney Karbowski (Black Star - Soul Eater): Debbie is LOUD and ABRASIVE. She tends to yell. Very in-your-face, but not exactly mean. Also, I think she might sound a bit androgynous? Idk how many people would consider this particular voice androgynous-sounding, but eh.
Cammie Kharma - Lara Jill Miller (Libby Stein-Torres - The Ghost And Molly McGee): Cammie was another hard one, though I thought she should sound kind of nerdy and a bit upbeat. Also a slightly nasally voice would probably fit, what with her little horn-nose 'n all, lol. My first idea for the voice was actually Juniper Lee, but looking up the voice actress I found this role she did in The Ghost and Molly Mcgee, and thought the attitude of Libby's voice was a better fit.
Edward Tennyson - Todd Haberkorn (Death The Kid - Soul Eater): Ed's got that anime-type voice yknow. He takes everything too seriously and is pretty sophisticated. My first consideration for his voice was actually Haku from Spirited Away, but I thought that sounded TOO serious (though a very deadpan kind of voice could be pretty funny if executed right.) So I remembered Death the Kid from Soul Eater and thought that could work pretty well, though I might want him to sound a tiny-bit less goofy.
Liz Lawrence - Brigette Lundy-Paine (Billie Logan - Bill & Ted Face The Music): This was another hard voice to find, though I still had a good idea of what I wanted her to sound like. I wanted to find a Pauly Shore kind of voice, yknow? (I guess you'd call it a "stoner-type-of-voice" but that seems wrong to say about a 14-year-old LOL) Though most of those kinds of voices you find are boys. Some voices I found were just really chill, TOO chill and cool in fact. While thinking of Bill & Ted I remembered Face The Music and the fact that their kids in that movie were basically copies of them lol, and I thought Billie was a very good fit.
Vic Kilgore - Nathan Sharp (Damien LaVey - Monster Prom): Ok so my idea for Vic's voice was just, "like Nathan Explosion but a kid." Rough, and like... metal, I guess. But he's still an annoying kid. Thought Damien LaVey fit, although I think Vic wouldn't be so loud. (as a bonus, when Vic grows up he sounds more like Nathan Explosion lol)
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The Bad Batch Season 2 Episodes 7 & 8
Le gasp--it's Star Wars Wednesday and I almost forgot! And we have two episodes today?? Must be good!
Is that a Pantoran on the thumbnail for episode 7? Are we finally going to see our beloved Senator Chuchi like the trailer promised???
Very excited to find out!
(spoilers under the cut)
79s!!
...this feels significantly less lively than usual
Slip, Cade--clone names
Ohh Cade honey, I get where you're coming from, but this won't end well
...is that Crosshair?
Mm, I feel like Crosshair wouldn't have missed
...I don't want to make light of this moment, but those were the fastest pulse checks I've ever seen in my life
Seriously? They blamed losing Kamino on a storm??
Yeee Bail!!!
CHUCHI!!! CLONE RIGHTS!!!!!! (this is so much fan service--I love it <333)
Rampart, put your long pointy nose back in the slimey corner where it belongs
You go, Bail <3
Wow, Mas Amedda actually had more than 2 lines of dialogue
Chuchi canonically goes to 79s <3
Wait--waIT WAIT WAIT IS THAT DOGMA
Y'ALL
Y'ALL
DOGMA IS HERE
THAT IS KRIFFING DOGMA
AANDHSUSNABCIANSBDHAUAKNFUDIASBAHAHAHDBHDHAHASBHS
...I think?
It's possible that this guy just has really similarly placed scars...
And okay, his voice doesn't sound quite right for Dogma...
...eh, I can headcanon whatever I want
Chuchi giving them the "you'll still have a life after war" talk T.T so much fan service
Is it just me or are clones in this episode either clean shaven or have exactly one style of beard that looks like Gregor's? Must be a fad XD
Slip is CT-0409 (aw, that's only a digit off from Echo T.T)
She's meeting with Rampart right after that?? Riyo, are you crazy?
Oh? Who's Slip calling? Money's on Rex, but it would be fun if it was someone else
Riyooooo be caaarefullllll!!
HE KNOWS THAT SHE KNOWS
RIYO WHY DID YOU DO THAT
The memorial features quite a lot in this series. Not that I mind <3
Hmm, I spy a blue R2 unit who is not our Artoo
Riyo understands binary <3
Yeeee Organa poking at the stupid, stupid logic of Kamino being destroyed by a storm!
...I'm so torn about this sniper y'all. He has some of Crosshair's mannerisms, but then why to vocoder?
Eaaasy Slip
Oh good
Slip is smart--I like him
Aaaaand there goes Slip. Dangit y'all
Riyo's guard is a good shot
...was a good shot. Oh he's still alive. Mm, not for long.
"I'll be right behind you." Sorry, boyo, no one believes that
Dramatic face reveal of.... REX YAY
He's not in armor anymore? Eh, poncho looks better this way anyway
Second dramatic face reveal of... not Crosshair! Hah, called it!!!
Not a trooper? What do you mean, Rex?
Oh YES WE GET TO QUESTION HIM
Aw, it's Rafa and Trace's garage
"a believer"...? uh, okay. In what? Order 66?
Oh yikes dangit boy why you gotta do that
-- Episode 8 --
Omega's meditating :D
"You wanna try?" Cute <3
"I had enough of solitude." Awww, Echo
Noooooooo Hunter used "ask" as a noun T.T I know it's a common turn of phrase these days, but my poor little grammar heart just about imploded
Ah, so Rex is sending them to get data from the ship. ...does he not know the Bad Batch were literally there
Ahh, right, they're deserters. At least they called it out
Okay, but that log would've been wiped--oh right it's a backup log. ...still don't think that would've worked, but fine
Omega's going with Riyo? Okay
So. Much. Fan. Service. Just look at that Star Wars poncho as a disguise <3
Admiral Rampart's nearly aggressive "Senator Chuchi" XD
...Rampart what're you planning
Bail and Riyo constantly glancing back at Omega XD
Ahh, so the ex-Kaminoan senator is still around
Ohhhhhh craaaaaap she's gonna recognize Omega
Omega nooooo this is a delicate situation, you can't just say things like that--
...oh, so it wasn't a catastrophic mistake? Okay
These close-up shots of the kaminoan's head and neck are kinda unsettling haha
Awww Echo want to help Rex so much
Was that a tiny background massiff I saw? <3
Hanging onto a shuttle while in flight--Noice. Not the most practical, but noice
Rex: "He's still not better with heights?" Echo: "This is him better." XD
Course it couldn't be easy. I guess otherwise it wouldn't be fun :D
"New plan! 14, 5, 86" "All of them?" "YES" XD
See, that's why the Bad Batch actually succeeds half the time--they don't go in without a plan because they're unprepared. They have plenty of plans and implement them as needed
Rampart looks a tiny bit out of his depth in this senate session XD
Organa to save the day <3
I reallllllly hope they actually looked at the data first to confirm it's what they're looking for--oh look, it's fine
So... how does this not solve everything again?
Oh. That's why. The emperor's here.
Ah. Palpatine turned against Rampart. Sleemo
NO
PALPY DON'T YOU KRIFFING DARE TURN THIS ON THE CLONES
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
YOU DISGUSTING BALL OF SLIME
The music really makes this moment appropriately sinister
Welp. We knew it wasn't going to end well
AHHAHAVFHSJWBDUDVEUSBSUEJE OH MY HEART ECHO'S STAYING WITH REX T.T
BUT POOR OMEGA TEARS EVERYWHERE
They better hug--oh good they do
Gah my heart
Alrighty, that's the episode! So much happened here!! So much fan service! Possible Dogma cameo! Two whole episodes of Riyo and clones rights content! Echo leaving the Bad Batch! T.T
Wonder what Crosshair's up to...
#star wars#the bad batch#the bad batch spoilers#the bad batch season 2 spoilers#tbb#tbb season 2#mathmusic reacts
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Making an analyasis even tho im so bad at them:)
When Ranboo was talking to Techno, even with how it was phrased it sounds as more a spying way, i feel it stared that way and ended up something more.
is it possible jack is also a "spy" i dont think so cause they have a different relationship than phil an wil, and when would he find the time to report? hes with wilbur all the time?
Ye wilbur is definetly gonna be staying on Zephys IV i just can feel it in my bones
Again, the "spying" isnt in a bad way and im feeling like its just grown into more than that, when Phil starts calling wil "little bird" it passed the line of manipulation on his part, phil gets a distant look in his eye because he knows he has gone too far for his original plan to work. Also, fuck you phil i want my happy sand duo, also fuck you wilbur i want my happy sand duo.
Techno is both a really simple character and a really fucking complicated one. He has something he is doing, and he is really straightforward on the path and about what he is doing. He is the character who would say "yes i was spying on you" and phil would try to make it seem better.
I looked a bit back on the chapters trying to figure out exactly when the spying started and i think it was around chapter 10, when ranboo really started getting the info, it was likely even earlier but thats when they started going for that.
hey, at least crimeboys realized they're both fuckin idiots "maybe we could have been communicating like this the whole time" WELL DUH! /hj so that makes up for some of the heart shattering
with wilburs whole drowning symbolizes my mental state, i want to point out that Philza is the "Ice King" which is frozen water, i feel like that really shows how phil is teaching him how to walk over the water in a metaphorical way, it just shows exactly why wilbur is drowning in the recent chapter, the ice that was so delicate but strong enought to walk on has broken, and thats exactly how the trust is. its so fragile and easily broken, but one revelation has just shattered it.
Phil has shown wilbur a new side of him (like him flying for the first time?) and while he may have started as trying to manipulate him, he got dragged in too deep.'
Can you tell i like the water metaphors? hehehehehhehe
one thing i wish i could see was more of the crimeboys mom, i just feel like there is something else there? i wish i could delve into her backstory cause i can feel the little bits of relevance in there. You keep bringing her up for seemingly no reason, and i just think its something you are gonna us to bring in more backstory.
Amazing as always and while my heart is shattered and broken and the trust i have in you has broken just like wilburs, i loved it so much. I hated it too tho /j
now im scared tho:)
-👑
a lot of this stuff is theorizing so I can't comment on it, but very interesting analysis for sure!! also, yes, techno is both very simple but really complicated at the same time. he doesn't play the manipulation game the way phil might, but that doesn't mean he's an open book either. it's a careful balance to strike and it's why he's so hard to predict
ranboo was instructed to start trying to befriend the brothers to get information out of them pretty soon after the first time he met them. I'd say the first time I wrote his dialogue with the intent that there was something more to what he was saying was around chapter 8? so yeah, you can start casting a more critical eye to everything he says right around then.
oooo that's a really interesting way to view the ice vs water metaphors!!!
also I've mentioned this in a few asks in the past, but I don't want to bring up more about crimeboys mom than I have to because I don't like including full fledged ocs in fics. I only bring her up because her role is necessary to explain a lot of why the brothers are the way they are (especially wilbur) and if this wasn't a fanfic I would definitely have her as more of a character, but she's just an oc for this and I don't want to shove that in my readers faces when they came here for fic, not original content, so you're not going to get much more backstory on her than what we already have.
i'm so glad you enjoyed!!!
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heyy webstie while youre here, i have an (admittedly unresearched) question: what are like the hormonal side effects/treatments needed after having a hysterectomy? and this is me trying to understand for myself and my anxieties, thats a major hormone producer right, will there be anything to look out for in the future and/or are there any meds that have to be taken to accomidate the hormonal balance? again hope this doesnt come across in any kinda way, thank you for being so open to discuss this super super important topic💖
webstie omg i love that
so, unless you're looking to have a total hormone change/you have to, doctors aren't going to rush to take your ovaries out. i only had my uterus, fallopian tubes, and cervix removed. my ovaries are still in tact, they still produce estrogen, they still pump out an egg that simply gets broken down and absorbed by the body. i haven't done any hormone treatments post having the surgery.
i will say that i HAVE had moments where i've been aware of my hormones and the menstrual cycle (so to speak), as that's still happening. i'm sleepy a couple days and then horny for no reason in the middle of the month and then i have some extra hair on my face and repeat. no physical pain out of the norm. nothing that makes me feel dysphoric or like i want to harm myself!
the only side effect i've noticed is that my pelvic floor is weaker than before, i have to cross my legs now when i sneeze and i didn't before. oh and there is the possibility of.... how to put this delicately, air will get inside your body and get stuck, as the cervix is sealed off, so it comes out as a "queef" sometimes. my doctor said it's totally normal. he did laugh at my phrasing though!
#i will continue to talk about what it was like and how i'm recovering#i think it's so so so important to be open about these things#please everyone's allowed to ask questions#always#askbox#anonymous
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People do the same to me
I've been called autistic as a reason even though I'm not diagnosed. But also even if I was, what difference does it make. Why would it be a bad thing?
As I get older I try to be more tactful but it's not my nature I am just very blunt. I don't mean it in a bad way but people think I'm doing it deliberately to cause trouble or am rude hence the autism classification as apparently this is a feature of autism to be so. I just keep quiet now and try not to engage in discourse or debate because people just feel alienated. It's always me at fault even if they're airing opinions that are disgusting like racist stuff. But just average discussion ends with me upsetting someone most of the time. As a teen and young woman it wasn't too bad but people get older more intolerant.
Sorry to be replying to this so late. I had intended to answer the next morning, but life had other plans.
Yeah, I agree, why would it be a bad thing? I have been diagnosed with anything, but I certainly am wired oddly. I figure the label for it doesn’t matter. I’m just going to be me either way, and as long as that isn’t hurting anyone it shouldn’t be a problem.
How you describe yourself sounds a lot like my mother. My father used to try to remind her to use a bit of tact, because it would never occur to her. She was never trying to upset someone. She wouldn’t do chitchat, and would just say what she thought. Conversation was for exchanging information or ideas, and all the fiddly stuff around judging the individual, the mood, and so forth so you can phrase things “right” was blind spot to her.
I know people that years later are STILL offended by something she said, and it’s exasperating. It wasn’t what she said but how she said, as you say, bluntly. When people say to you over and over “Your mother once said to me…” it’s tiring. But that the things they find so horrible aren’t horrible at all, and that the only difference between what she said and what I have said to the person is wording it gets upsetting.
Suppose someone said a very blue sky was green, Mom would say “No, it’s blue” while I would say “It’s interesting how everyone’s eyes see things differently. It looks very blue to me.” The person would be upset with Mom and not me, yet we would both be saying the sky is blue.
I get why you try to avoid discussions with the possibility of turning contentious. I get very uncomfortable myself. I may not be blunt like Mom, but I’m honest. People hate honesty if you don’t wrap it up with so much wool they can’t even see it. And if you hide the truth of what you are saying too much, then doesn’t it stop being the truth?
Well, the “good” news is that if you get old enough people will just shrug off your bluntness as being “an old woman”. The bad news is, people tend to write off anyone they perceive as an “old woman”.
Mom said said she could be a great spy because people didn’t see her at all once she was past a certain age. Of course, her bluntness would totally have been I liability!
I wish human emotions weren’t so delicate, not delicate like glass but delicate like trying to tap dance through a mine field.
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Shatter me again. Chapter 83
Adam's strike sobers me up a bit and brings me back to the harsh reality. I started to weaken my defenses too early. I shouldn't do this at all.
"Give me a towel and something cold, damn it," roars Kenji and grabs his nose. He's too wounded to get to the bathroom by himself.
Adam is in no hurry to help him, and neither am I. I softened not because of Kenji, but because of myself. But I still don't like this person at all. I didn't like him when he was just a voice. I don't like him now either.
While Kenji continues to resent and presses the hem of his/Adam's T-shirt to his nose, Adam takes my hand and pulls me into James' bedroom. With a sharp movement, he slams the door shut and turns to me.
"Tell me something." He says and looks at the ceiling, sighs heavily. "Tell me anything."
I'm trying to calm him down, grab his hands so that he looks at me again. My touches are gentle, delicate. I think they have to tell him a lot. Because touching is still something very important to me. Almost intimate. I think it will always be this way.
"Adam. I know you wanted us to run away. But Kenji can bring a tail not only because of the tracker. He was bleeding. Even if all his words are true, it's unknown where and what traces he could have left. And we can't just go nowhere right now and try to get to the place you were talking about, hoping we can do it. We can't prepare properly, stop to take more needed things, try to build temporary housing. It's too dangerous to make a nest when kites are hunting over our heads. We can't just take James and go nowhere."
"And what do you suggest?" He speaks roughly. "What should we do then? I can't take that risk. Kenji could be lying, it might be a trap… I've always tried to shield James from all this shit…"
I don't know what to say to him. Pain boils in his eyes. He tries to say something else, to find words, but seems to change his mind, and then he tries again. "I didn't even tell him about our father."
I think this is the first time Adam has decided to talk to me about this. He had always avoided this conversation before. And this is very important to me. Although I'm afraid I won't be able to find the right words to show him how much it matters to me.
"He doesn't know him?"
"I don't think he remembers him. Father almost completely disappeared from our lives before James grew up. And in those rare moments when he was around, I tried to keep James away from him. Sent him somewhere. I never wanted him to go through that. I made up stories for him. I wanted him to have a chance to be normal. I didn't want anyone to touch him. I don't want to screw him up. God, I can't let this happen."
I understand what he doesn't say. He doesn't want his brother to go through the same thing as he himself. And what I was so afraid of is happening to me. I can't find the words. If I had been given a piece of paper and a pen, I would probably write many, many words and phrases and sentences. Maybe a little messy and understandable only to me, but still… But talking to a person, looking at his face, and not with a blank sheet of paper, these is completely different thing.
"I feel like I'm losing. No matter what I do, it's never enough," his voice becomes a whisper. "Because there is chaos around him, he is surrounded by cruel people. He encounters things everyday that I can't control, and I haven't even been around him for so long. I couldn't explain anything to him, comfort him, protect him. How to protect him from all the horrors of our world? From all these people… dead… So many people, Juliette… are dead"
If it were possible to carry words in a backpack and get them out as needed… But I don't have any stock. I don't know what to say or do in such a situation. So I just touch his face. He takes my hand in his palm, kisses my fingers. Honest, kind, modest, sincere, open. And he's so confused.
"I don't know what to do," he says, and it's like a confession that costs him so much more than I can understand. Control is slipping through his fingers and he’s desperate to hold on. "Tell me what to do."
I'm looking at his long eyelashes. I think I'm just now noticing how long they are. Like a reed framing a deep lake with the most serene waters. I'm swimming in this lake, I want to swim in it endlessly, but I need to float to the surface, in the cold, cruel air. I need to say something to him because he needs me more than ever before. Now he needs me, and I have to repay him.
"We don't have many options. If we just go nowhere, then there is a risk that we will be caught in the end, because we are in plain sight and it's not at all a fact that we will be able to hide quickly. But what's worse is that we may just freeze, it will be difficult for us to find food.… As for Kenji… What's the point of him leading us to who knows where? If he wanted to turn us over to Warner, then all these additional steps would be completely unnecessary… Do you trust him? I mean before, did you trust him?"
"We didn't have that much contact. And you?"
"I don't think he's lying about knowing a place we can go."
"I'm not sure that's a good idea…"
"Why not?"
"What if the people he's going to take us to are even worse than Warner?"
I get cold just thinking about it. It makes sense, but still…
"What other options do we have?"
"I would like to be only with you."
"I know. But we should at least try. To see where it might lead us. Look, you trusted him before, remember? At least once. He knew you were in my room, even though it was forbidden. But he didn't tell Warner anything."
"God knows it's not out of the kindness of his heart and not out of loyalty."
"What other reasons could he have?" I ask.
"Oh, that's simple. Do you know what they say, Juliette? Let sleeping dogs lie. No one wants to mess with Warner without reason. If he found out that one of his personal soldiers was breaking the rules, everyone would pay for it. Everyone would be checked and the one who handed over the culprit in the first place. The Reestablishment loves those who rat out their enemies, but doesn't like those who try to find more benefits for themselves. They are careful about it. And those who are smarter understand this perfectly well. So he did this not for us, but for himself. After all, he understood me because he also wanted to be in my place."
My face is twisted in a grimace of disbelief.
"I don't think it's such a great place to work, guarding a person who can kill with a touch."
"Oh, you don't even guess. It would be much better for Kenji than most of our assignments. It's enough for him that you're female. As well as for the majority of soldiers."
These words of Adam make me uncomfortable.
"It's disgusting."
"Yes, it is."
I frown, but I'm trying to look at things more mundane. Maybe I don't need to always look for noble motives in everything? It's high time to understand that sometimes people just pursue their own goals, sometimes quite dirty and base.
"In any case, what he can offer us now is the best option. We ran away from Warner, didn't we? What's to stop us from running away from a new place if we don't like something?"
Adam smiles softly. And then he lets out a sad laugh.
"There's another problem."
"What is it?"
"I might kill him before we even get there…"
"Then the problem of choice will cease by itself, and we will improvise on the fly." Adam chuckles, and I give him a sad but encouraging smile. "We will try to find another option if we get the opportunity. When we get the opportunity. In the meantime, we just need a place to wait out the storm."
"Yeah, maybe you're right. Okay, let's do it then."
"Hey, what the hell are you doing there?" Kenji shouts, and then knocks twice on the door with his fist. "You are not alone here, have at least a little decency. Besides, it's not the best time to get naked, guys. It's not that I'm against nudity, it's always cool. But if you don't want to be killed while you're naked, get your asses over here."
"Can I kill him right now?" Adam asks me.
"I can do it myself." I laugh, feeling myself blush at Kenji's words. I want to hide my face and Adam is the best place. So I stand on my toes, take his face in my hands and kiss him softly. "I love you."
"Yeah?" he says in a low, hoarse whisper.
"Absolutely."
"Shall we go then?"
"Mgm."
We leave the room and Kenji looks at us suspiciously.
"Oh, can you walk by yourself already?" Adam says mockingly and Kenji rolls his eyes.
"You've never carried me, even though you could. Bridal style would look so romantic."
"Jerk."
"But the charming one."
Their bickering never stops. Meanwhile, the three of us are trying to pack up. More precisely, rather Adam is trying pack things that haven't yet been packed. I just ask if I should take a first aid kit from the bathroom with us and when Adam answers in the affirmative, I occupy myself with this little task.
I can see how hard it is for Adam to pack his brother's stuff. Because we can't take much, but every trifle could be important to James. All this, a reminder of home.
Even I find it hard to leave this place. This could be our home. It looked as close to it as possible. And I can't imagine how hard it must be for Adam to leave this modest space. He put so much effort into creating a cozy nest for his younger brother. My heart breaks just looking at his desperate face.
Kenji is the complete opposite of Adam. He examines his body, assessing the newly acquired bruises and abrasions, looks around in a lively rush. He's oddly resilient and upbeat. It really amazes me, almost scares. I'm used to seeing much more tense, angry people around. But nothing, it seems, could hurt Kenji. I don't know any other person, not that I know many, who would be so happy about a bullet in his leg and possibly broken ribs. It seems to me that nothing can discourage him, and I can't help but admire his determination. I would like to be able to react to difficulties in the same way.
The only thing that really pisses me off about him is that he won't stop staring at me.
My task couldn't take me much time, no matter how slowly I tried to complete it. And while Adam is busy, Kenji turns his full attention back to me.
"So how come you can touch our sullen friend?"
"I have no idea."
"Oh, come on," Kenji snorts, and I shrug. "But at least did you touch him first or did he touch you? Which one of you couldn't resist? Or was it some sick experiment or some shit like that?"
I don't want to share with Kenji such details that seem very personal to me. In fact, I could easily tell him that it was all just an accident. Because that's the way it was. But I want to keep this for myself. And I don't want him to ask any more additional questions.
"Tell me more about the place where you're going to take us."
"Why are you changing the subject? Maybe we could try it too, huh? Don't you want to touch me as well?"
I refuse to look at Kenji. I'm playing arrogance, but I'm actually terribly ashamed. I already wanted to believe earlier that maybe one of the soldiers would turn out to be like Adam, but this didn't happen. And I would never risk touching Kenji.
"You don't want me to touch you."
"Maybe I do?" I can hear from his voice that he's smiling.
"Get off her if you don't want to have no legs without a bullet hole."
"Hey, why so rude? You guys should take a some sedative or something. Why shouldn't I, a lonely person, try my luck and make a move? The girl definitely likes it, and it may be interesting to me. Let the lady speak for herself, come on."
"I'm not interested," I quickly intervene.
"Take your time, that's all," he points to his face again, "is not permanent, so take your time with the answer."
I see Adam running his hand through his hair. His usual gesture. He's agitated, annoyed, maybe even disappointed. I wouldn't mind him interfering again, but he doesn't.
"I said I'm not interested. Not now, not ever later."
I would like Adam to clarify the situation, so that he tells Kenji that we're together. But he doesn't, and I can't say it first myself.
What if he doesn't think so? Maybe our confessions don't mean anything and don't mean that we are only available to each other. Maybe he doesn't want anyone to know that we're a thing, that we're a couple. Couple. I don't even know what it is. How do people behave after they confessed their love to each other?
Kenji doesn't back down. He continues to say something about his face, about his incredible beauty, which, of course, will again be available to all mankind. That life turned out to be unfair to him at the most inopportune moment, when he really needs his face.
Eventually Adam breaks down, and at first I think he's angry, but instead he laughs dryly.
"Hey, buddy, do you have something against my face?" Kenji asks with feigned resentment.
"I have something against you."
"But we were cool, why got you a bug up your butt?"
"I can't even remember why I interacted with you at all. And why do I continue to tolerate you now."
"Maybe because a strong male friendship and trust can't be broken by anything?"
"Rather because I trust her."
Kenji abruptly turns his head to me and tries to smile with his battered face.
"Wow, so you trust me? I knew it would work out for us. Rejection at the beginning, then trust, there are just a couple of steps to the ardent passion. It sounds like the beginning of some amazing romance novel."
"I can add a little drama and shoot you," I say irritably.
"Sounds tempting." He plays with his eyebrows. "You know, I like it when you threaten me. I don't even know why myself."
"Maybe because you're an idiot?"
He shakes his head. "Nah, it's something about you. Your voice. Do you know that you have a very sexy voice? And you make everything sound naughty."
Adam flies up to Kenji in the blink of an eye and Kenji tries to back away from him, although it's pretty difficult for him.
"Quiet, doggy, quiet. Good boy." He looks at me. "Don't you have some bone to throw to the doggy?"
I see Adam's furious expression and purse my lips. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but it makes me laugh. This whole situation is really ridiculous. But I also understand that Kenji with his idiotic remarks makes me feel more relaxed and calm. He behaves so undignified and defiant that it automatically makes everything he says seem frivolous. And for some reason my rudeness and arrogance don't bother him at all and don't offend him. I realize that I'm starting to like this game. I like the confidence it gives me.
Kenji stands behind me to prevent Adam from getting to him, and crosses his arms over his chest.
"Kent, calm down already. I'm just messing with you, that's all. I like seeing psycho chick get all intense." I turn my head at him, raise my eyebrows and threaten to step aside with a barely noticeable movement. "Hey, it's a compliment, of course. All this psycho kind of works for you, you know?"
Kenji gives me a sly smile and winks. But Adam is not soothed or amused by his words. It drives him crazy.
"What's wrong with you?" He says, clenching his fists.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" For the first time I hear annoyance in Kenji's voice, and it seems curious to me. "Everyone is so uptight in here, one can go mad."
Adam starts pacing around the room without any specific purpose, sighs, squeezes the gun in his hand.
"If it's all because of your brother, then relax. The guy will be home soon. And he'll be fine. The kids even love things like that."
"I'm not worried about my brother, I'm trying to decide whether to shoot you here or taking you outside first."
"You still need me," Kenji says, yawning slightly and falling onto the sofa. His face immediately distorts from another wave of pain. "Oh, fuck, I shouldn't have gone so far." He grunts, and then looks at Adam again. "You still need me, remember? The painkillers you have is kind of real crap, you know. Is there anything stronger?"
Adam doesn't have time to answer. We hear the front door open.
James returns home.
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#aaron warner#juliette ferrars#shatter me#shatter me series#warnette#ella sommers#ao3 fanfic#fanfic#fanfiction#shatter me again
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That Invisible || C.BG
Warning: none
Genre: angst, wingwoman, unrequited love, heartbreak
Non-idol!Beomgyu x fem!Reader
~Requested~
•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•
A quiet sigh escaped your lips. Your delicate finger slightly tapping on the wooden table impatiently. Listening intently to the loud chatting inside the warm and cozy café. The once warm coffee was now cold, the cup half empty.
Suddenly, the bell rang indicating that someone opened the door. You turned your head towards it, seeing a panting Beomgyu. His eyes scanning the entire café before seeing you, a small smile forming on his lips along with concerning eyes. quickly he made his way towards the table, taking a seat across from you.
"I am so, so sorry!" He said as he continued panting, it was obvious he was stressed. Even his red cheeks indicated it.
"Seriously, again?" You said, visibly upset by his action. You had waited for almost an hour, contemplated on leaving multiple times, but you knew you couldn't.
"I woke up late and the bus driver was so slow due to the weather-" he kept going on a long rant about his misfortunate morning.
"Next time just, give me a call.. okay?" You said, trying to calm him down. You knew he was sincerely sorry, Beomgyu has always been a very sensitive and sincere person. But the annoyance was still there, knowing that he could commit the worst crime possible, and you'll still love him.
He let out a loud sigh,
"It won't happen again, I promise" his soft, warm hand was now on top of yours, giving you a reassuring and familiar touch. His long fingers stroking yours.
You looked up at him and gave him a nod, along with a sweet smile.
"Okay.." was all that needed to be said.
——
Exiting the café, the two of you made your way towards your school. First period was around 30 minutes away and the walk at hand was about 20 minutes. Which gave you time to talk even more.
"Oh no, I forgot about Mr. Lim's assignment!" Beomgyu suddenly blurted out, you scoffed at his forgetful manner.
"Why are you acting like this has never happened before? You always forget assignments!" You said teasingly as you lightly pushed his shoulder.
"Ah shut up." he shot back, along with a chuckle. His smile was sweet, showing of those cute faint dimples of his. You couldn't help but stare at him, Giving him a big smile back. He was always making your heart flutter, especially when you were all alone. But it was just a mere crush, nothing that would be noticed, or answered. You knew him from the back of your hand, and you knew he never saw anything more than a friend in you. All his past relationships, crushes and girl talk proved it. And all you could do was pretend, neglecting the fact that you had strong feelings for him, and supporting him even though it tore you open. It made you mad and hurt on the inside. But you couldn't be mad at him, he was all too sweet and loving for you to be mad. You were only mad at yourself for being so stupid and idiotic. Falling for someone you had zero chance with is the definition of stupidity, and still you fell into that pit.
"Sure sure..." was all you could say as you looked into the pavement, crossing your arms.
It was quiet for a bit, comfortable silence. Since it was still considered late morning, cars and people were walking around, either to their jobs, maybe they had lunch time. But still it felt like there was only you two alone. All you could hear was your own soft heartbeat, along with his quiet hums. It was this aura that you always felt around Beomgyu. His warm and soft smiles along with his sweet demeanor. You wished to stay like this forever.
But the feeling got cut short when he started a sentence you most definitely didn't want to hear.
"By the way, you know this girl I've been talking about right?" With those words, the whole world became a loud mess, and the comfortable aura that you had created quickly turned to uneasiness. you knew that this conversation was bound to happen.
He had mentioned her before, saying how beautiful and nice she was. And when you realized who it actually was, your world fell even more. The girl he was talking about was your friend. well, kind of. And to his credit he was right. She wasn't the stereotypical mean girl, but the total opposite. Being very friendly and sincere. And as much as you hated to admit it, she perfectly reflected Beomgyu’s type. You wished you had the priveledge of hating her, wished that she was mean and unworthy. But she wasn't. She was your friend, and she was perfect for him, everything you weren't. Of course this didn't mean you exactly supported her in this situation. but you knew that you had to support Beomgyu. That's what true best friends are for.
“Yeah, what about her..?”
You pretended to sound interested, but you knew what was coming, you’d had this conversation too often.
“Aah.. this is a bit embarrassing..”
He scratched the back of his head a bit, looking down at the pavement, he was evidently embarrassed.
“Come one, what is it?”
“I know I ask you this all the time, so don’t get angry at me!”
Here it comes,
“Could you maybe help me out? You know, to get together with her?”
There you had it, at this point you weren’t even surprised. You were used to that phrase. Expecting it almost every time a conversation erupted.
“I mean I really like her so..” he trailed off, slightly swaying back and forward, anticipating your response.
You sighed, you did this towards yourself. And now you knew that there wasn’t anything to help you out if this situation.
“Sure! I’ll help you two get together..” your tone fell as each words passed, your eyes averting towards the ground, trying to avoid anymore eye contact. Beomgyu on the other hand, didn’t notice the sudden shift in behavior. His happiness occupying his mind too much.
“Thank you so much Y/N! You’re the best!” He jumped in excitement before giving you a tight hug of appreciation. His arms softly curling around your waist and his strength lifting you up lightly above the ground. If this was any other hug, you would gladly embrace yourself in his touch and gladly lean onto him. But this wasn’t like any other hug, not after you just had the worst conversation there is.
You knew that being a people-pleaser would lead to situations like these. And sadly, these situations came all too often. It seemed like Beomgyu loved finding new girls that he seemed to be “so in love with..” and then date them for a couple of months before moving on. Almost asking for help every single time. You were tired of the same pattern repeating itself everytime, and even though you were used to his begging for help, it never got easier to handle it. You've tried moving in multiple times, first boyfriends, then small dating and even hook-ups. Everything trying to fill your desires, but it never worked,
All you had in your mind was Beomgyu.
•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•
"Miss Y/L/N, I want to talk to you please." Mr Lim said as he leaned over his table slightly, signaling for you to come up to him. You watched as all the students left the classroom, before you took your books and walked towards his table.
"Yes Mr Lim.." you said, slightly shaking in your voice. You knew this was bad news, the look in his eyes said it all.
"Recently, things hasn't gone so well for you, you flunked your two past tests." He started, before placing your two latest tests onto the table. Both being marked with a big red F. It was almost cringeworthy seeing the heartbreaking results.
"You've always been our top student, what is the reasoning behind this?" He asked, his tone a bit harsh.
You thought for a moment, trying to find your words. In reality, work had been a real pain. And it didn't help that your mentality was at breaking point thanks to Beomgyu. He has been wandering your mind endlessly due to all the help you’d given him.
"I've just had a lot going on recently." You answered, knowing that the answer at hand was far from what he wanted to hear. He let out a dissatisfied sigh before leaning back against his chair.
"Well this isn't acceptable.." he looked at the papers once more before crossing his arms, it was obvious he was thinking about what to say next. And your heart quickened, fearing the worst.
"You’ll have to do better in the next test! Or else your grade will drop dramatically which I assume you would be very displeased with.”
“Study well for the next test, You may leave." Quickly you nodded before exiting the classroom in a panicked state. You were a bit relieved that he let you off the hook, but still disappointed about the fact that your grades had been dropping dramatically. You cursed yourself once more.
You tried easing of your mind as you made your way towards your locker. Students were chatting, laughing and walking around. Suddenly you felt a soft touch on you back, you turned around and there he was. The reason for your downfall.
"Hey!" As soon as you heard his voice and saw that beautiful smile you couldn't help but smile back.
"What did Mr Lim say?" He asked, leaning against the lockers next to yours. Quickly you opened your locker, taking out your books for the next class.
"To be honest, I don't know how to tell you this.." you were obviously embarrassed about your dropping grades, you've always, as Mr Lim said, been in top of your class. And these news would be the start of endless and endless teasing from not only Beomgyu, but everyone.
"Come on... tell me, tell me!" He begged as he leaned closer to you. Playfully you pushed him back giving off an sarcastic eye roll. He let out a small chuckle before continuing to bother you.
“It’s nothing.” You turned to your locker, digging out the book for your next class. As a thought came to your mind. You glanced back at Beomgyu who was still leaning onto the locker, a small pout on his lips as he was visibly dissatisfied with your answer. You hesitated a bit, but decided to go with the decision.
“Actually.. could you maybe help me study a bit?” He turned his head quickly towards you, a bit surprised by the sudden question for help.
“To the physics tests you mean?”
“Yep..” you shrugged a bit, trying to sound confident.
He hesitated a bit, not really knowing that to say. You figured he was surprised that the supposed A-student suddenly needed his help. Sure, he wasn’t doing bad at school, you just did better.
He lightly and slowly nodded his head.
“Well.. I guess I could, Friday?”
“That would be great!” You gave him a appreciated smile, which he gladly reciprocated.
“Alright, that’s settled then.”
You were happy, you’d actually get to spend more time with Beomgyu, all the while you got your homework and studying done. It was perfect. You’d look forward to Fridays more than usual.
"Alright then, well I got to go, I'll text you later!" Was all he said before he jokingly pushed your shoulder and walked off towards his classroom. A small sigh escaped your lips, and you found yourself watching Beomgyu walking away. Like many times before.
However, your smile faltered when you noticed that you weren’t the only one eyeing him. A couple of lockers away, stood the girl that Beomgyu had fallen for. Watching him walk away intently and having the same loving gaze as you. Not even hiding the smile plastered on her face as she saw his figure disappear. Clenching her books harder around her chest as if she was holding her breath, like the tiniest sound would alert him and make him turn to look at her. You’d found yourself in that situation many times before, The only difference was that, he chose to appreciate her love. Not yours.
•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•
Before you knew it, questions and approval was all you heard from Beomgyu. Him constantly asking what to say and how to charm his lover. It was weird, you’d helped him so many times before, so why couldn’t he remember the former suggestions you’d given him. It was like his mind went on a total reset each time. He wasn’t dumb... for the most part. So why did you always have to be his wingwoman? it was exhausting. It felt like your entire friendship was built up due to his love concerns, even though that wasn’t entirely true. You knew he viewed you as a good friend. But your anxiety and sadness didn’t come to an end. It felt like an endless loop. And even though you wanted to get out, even though you knew this was unhealthy and absolutely tearing you apart. You couldn’t pull yourself to leave Beomgyu. He was your precious best friend, and you loved him so much. How could you just leave him? That would hurt you more. You just couldn’t.
You were at least excited over the studying sessions he’d promised. You appreciated his help. And you were mostly excited over spending more time with him.
You sat in the library, waiting for Beomgyu to arrive anytime soon. For the 10th time that minute, you checked your phone. The time was at '08:54' so you were a bit earlier than the planned time. This was of course nothing you held against since you needed more time to prepare for his arrival.
The clocked kept ticking, eventually hitting 9:15. You figured that maybe he was just running late again, you’ve been so used to that situation. Although something in the back of your head said that it might’ve been a different case this time. But you couldn’t leave, like many times before in the cafe. You never could pull yourself to leave. You always had hope for him to arrive. ‘just 10 more minutes.’ You always thought.
After about 30 minutes more you decided to take a leave. Class was about to start and you couldn’t just sit there to wait for him. He obviously wasn’t coming. You were disappointed to say the least. But what could you really do? Quickly you whipped up your phone one last time, when suddenly a text message from Beomgyu was finally received. You smiled as a small droplet of hope was evident. He was just running late, right? Well as soon as you read his message, disappointment overcame once again.
'Hey Y/N, ik it's pretty late but I'm going to have to cancel. I forgot to tell you that I planned to have breakfast with Suejin today! I'm sorry hope you haven't waited for too long, I promise I'll make it up to you!'
Your expectations were shattered, his promise was broken. And you were sad and angry at him for being so ignorant towards you. Why make a promise if you can’t keep it? You always helped him out when he needed it, but he couldn’t do the same. You felt so pathetic standing there alone and waiting for someone that never even intended to come. It was humiliating.
A part of you knew something like this would happen. You knew he didn’t prioritize you like you did to him. You were just a friend. Sure he cared about you to a certain extent, but never like he did to those girls. He knew that no matter what he did, you’d never leave him. Always fall into the same pattern of being used. You were angry to say the least, both at him, but mostly yourself. Because it was true, you would always go back to him no matter what he did. You knew that there was no end to it. You’d gotten so many signs to just leave him, to search for new friends. Every time you think ‘this is the day’.., the same thing always happen. You see those beautiful eyes and smile and you just fall right back.
This is pathetic.
•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•
Flopping onto your bed with a tired sigh, you turned towards the clock.
"It's almost midnight, dammit.." you said to yourself as you turned your head back towards the ceiling.
Your boss had decided that today was a good day for you to overwork, and overwork you did. Supposedly, some rich costumers at the fancy bar you were working at was dining and being chatty, which led to you staying there 2 hours longer than usual, having to serve them and handling the bar. This eventually led to you missing the train, having to walk home a 1 hour walk. Finally arriving home at around 11:30 PM, which in hindsight wasn't that bad, but still you wanted to catch up on homework due to Mr. Lim's threatening talk earlier. Figuring that doing your homework no longer were and option, you tiredly moped towards your shower and thus you're now laying on your bed absolutely exhausted.
Fortunately for today though, it was a Saturday. Meaning that tomorrow you didn't have to worry about not getting enough sleep. You smiled at yourself as you laid comfortably in your warm and soft bed.
"I wonder if Beomgyu is already asleep.." you whispered to yourself, your mind wandering off. Imagining Beomgyu sleeping peacefully in his big, fancy bed. Him being all calm and cute. Probably wearing a pajamas and snuggling with a pillow like he always does.
You chuckled a bit to yourself as that image came to your head. After all this time, he still came to your mind, and you couldn’t help but have a sweet imagery of him even though he hurt you repeatedly. you’re still so awestruck by him, what did it have to take to just forget about him for once.
Your mind was brought back to reality when your phone suddenly started ringing, you checked the name on the screen.
“I guess he’s still awake..” you shrugged before answering,
“Hi” his voice sounded a bit tired, a hint of grogginess, like he’s being trying to sleep but couldn’t.
“Hey..”
“Were you sleeping?” He hesitated on his words, like he knew you were angry at him, but you didn’t dismiss him too quickly.
“Nope, I just got home from work.”
“Okay good, so I actually called to apologize.” You lifted an eyebrow at that, which you knew he wasn’t able to see.
“Oh, why?”
He paused for a bit, trying to find the right words.
“Well.. I felt really bad for leading you on with the studying and bailing on you like that. I knew you needed my help and I promised..” he sounded so genuine and precious. Your heart melted.
“So, I’m sorry for what I did.. I understand if you’re mad at me, but I get it. I just wanted to at least apologize.”
“It’s fine, I’m not mad at you or anything.. I was disappointed sure, but it’s whatever.” You couldn’t be mad at him, it was pathetic to say the least. You felt stupid, but you just loved him too much. It was actually ridiculous, that much you knew.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.. it’s okay. Don’t worry.” You softened your tone, trying to sound genuine, which made him sigh in relief.
“Thank you.. You’re so sweet, you know that..” that was surprisingly flattering, Beomgyu has given you compliments before but, you still became surprised at his sudden sweet words. You couldn’t hold yourself from smiling at his words.
It was quiet for a bit, and slight shuffling could be heard from his end, but soon enough he spoke up again.
“So.. I have to tell you something.” He started, sounding very excited over what to say next.
“Sure, what is it?” You answered, smiling over the phone.
“Okay so.. Suejin actually broke up with me.” Your eyes widened at that, they broke up already? That was the shortest relationship Beomgyu has ever had, maybe he had finally realized... that..
“What? Oh- I’m so sorry.” Obviously you really weren’t sorry, instead you were happy that the conversation was through the phone because you knew you couldn’t hide the smile plastered on your face. But he didn’t need to know that.
“Well, it’s okay because the same day I got a message from Soo-ah and she asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with her!” Your smile faltered as soon as he said those words. What did you expect? That he’d confess? You felt embarrassed for even thinking that.
“Oh...” you couldn’t even hide your disappointment anymore, and you were sure that Beomgyu noticed. But he didn’t care.
Instead he continued,
“So, I told her yes! I was actually a bit sad over Suejin but Soo-ah is so much more pretty and funnier!” You could hear him chuckle a bit over the phone, you on the other hand held in your tears.
“Yeah, you’re totally right.” You tried sounding enthusiastic and happy for him, but as each words passed it ended in a flat tone and a quiet sigh.
“Since we’re going to the movies, do you have any tips on what i should wear and how to make a move?” As said, you never felt surprised anymore when he asked for your help. You had just accepted that that’s all you’re good for. You were nothing but his wingwoman.
As you looked down onto your phone, a droplet lightly hit the screen. Giving off a small sound of impact. Before you knew it, one more hit the phone again. And then one more. You felt your cheeks heat up as tears continuously fell down. Forming a streak that wouldn’t end anytime soon. Tiny sobbing escaped your lips as you tried holding yourself back, you didn’t want him to hear.
You were so disappointed at yourself for falling into the same cycle again. But you knew that leaving Beomgyu was not an option, you loved him too much. Whether you liked it or not. In the end, you just had to accept that your feelings for him would never get reciprocated, that his oblivious matter would stay the same. You were just a friend to him, nothing more, nothing less.
You were just that invisible.
•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•
A/N:
Hellooo! Em here, hope you liked this ff haha. God I write sooo much angst and unrequited love this is embarrassing :,)
I actually rewrote this like 3 times, since it’s my first request I figured that I would try to make it reach the person in questions expectations. I hope I did haha.
Also I were suppose to post Yeonjun first but I finished this one quicker.
Sorry for taking so long, senior year is harder than I thought.
I’ll see you later, bye🥰
This work belongs to @Beomeli on tumblr. Please do not trace or copy my work ©
#beomgyu#beomgyu angst#txt beomgyu#unrequited love#txt angst#txt prompts#txt#tomorrow x together#txt hueningkai#txt soobin#txt taehyun#txt yeonjun#bighit#txt fanfic#request#beomgyu x reader#angst#kpop fanfic#tomorrow x together beomgyu#choi beomgyu
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Can I just say Bones does not get nearly enough credit for how well he reads people?? Like, we all forget that he is not only a doctor, he's a psychiatrist as well. And not only is he insanely good at reading Jim, we also see him read and understand Spock (who is his opposite and with whom he frequently disagrees) and push him when it's necessary. It's Bones' words that make some of the most powerful exchanges out of all the 79 original episodes. Here is proof (and there's a lot of it):
Balance of Terror
Jim's doubting himself and is dealing with a lot of stress because of all his responsibilities and the burden of making decisions, and asks Bones, "What if I'm wrong?" This is an incredibly vulnerable moment for Jim, who always has to be strong, and when Bones starts to answer, Jim gets up and says "I wasn't really expecting an answer."
Bones immediately puts his hand on his shoulder, stops him, and says, "Well, I've got one." Completely unexpected by Jim. Bones starts off by saying "This isn't something I'd usually tell a customer," then gives the speech we all probably know, about how there are millions of possible earth-like planets, "but in all of that, and possibly more, only one of each of us. Don't destroy the one named Kirk."
Let's break down why this is so good. First, Bones lets Jim know that he sees how vulnerable Jim is being and that he's talking to Jim as a friend. He recognizes that Jim's identity is fundamentally tied to his role as a captain, and also acknowledges how deep Jim's doubts are going, and at the same time reminds Jim that he is the one in control of himself (something very grounding for Jim) and he is not alone (because Bones is supporting him). Most of all, he doesn't dwell on the vulnerability Jim's expressing, but encourages him to take action, which is Jim's natural bent. He perfectly adapts to how Jim functions and knows what to say to get him back into a place where he can do what he does best: lead.
The Ultimate Computer
Jim has been been feeling insecure and threatened this entire episode, because a computer may take away his role as captain. Twice he seeks out Bones for comfort. First, he tells him that he has concerns about the computer, but worries about his motives. "You have my psychological profiles; am I afraid? Of losing my job? ...Daystrom's right, I could do a lot of other things. Am I afraid of losing the power, the prestige? Am I that petty?"
Bones replies, "Jim, if you're self-aware enough to ask that question, you don't need me to answer it for you. Why don't you ask James T. Kirk? He's a pretty honest guy."
Breakdown: Bones responds beautifully by once again reminding Jim that he knows himself and is in control. That sense of confidence is all Jim is after. He also establishes earlier in the conversation that what Jim is feeling is not unusual and can be understood. Brilliant.
The second time Jim reaches out to Bones (this episode is my favorite for a reason), he's doubting his role even more intensely, having just been blatantly insulted and called useless (affirming his insecurities). He left the bridge, silently, by himself, and even Spock didn't follow him out. Bones knew he needed help and went to him, with some drinks (Jim initially responds that he's not interested in eating--coping by losing interest in food) and a joke and light-hearted attitude, so that Jim can feel comfortable expressing himself. Jim puts on an air of not caring (shutting himself off from his emotions) and says he's never felt so useless, and makes a cynical joke as a toast, "To Captain Dunsel" (the insult from earlier, meaning "unnecessary").
Bones stops him, looks him in the eye, and says "To James Kirk, Captain of the Enterprise." Jim says softly, "Thank you, Doctor," and when he downs his glass, Bones follows suit.
There's just so much good about this. Bones seeks him out even when he was trying to isolate himself because he knew Jim tends to distract himself and unhealthily repress things. And he doesn't let Jim get away with being blasé about how he's been hurt, but he doesn't force him to be honest either; instead, he lets Jim know he sees how he's feeling and how deeply he's hurt, and also reaffirms that Bones still cares about, respects, and most of all, believes in him. When Jim starts talking after the drink, Bones just listens and lets him talk, and when Jim responds to the call to the bridge, he follows him out. Back in action, and another job well done.
The Trouble With Tribbles
Just a brief point with this: Spock is just being silent here, which is typical for him. But Bones asks him "What's the matter, Spock?" seemingly out of the blue. Spock responds with, "There's something disquieting about these creatures," which means that he was feeling off, and Bones picked up on it. Bones then makes a joke ("Don't tell me you've got a feeling!") which lets Spock know that Bones sees what he's saying but isn't treating it as unusual (since the joking between them is their normal behavior). And when Spock continues talking, he hears him out (although it eventually degenerates into their typical spat).
All Our Yesterdays
Spock has begun degenerating into a pre-reformed-Vulcan version of himself. He gives up on trying to get back to their proper time and becomes irritable. Bones notices that something's wrong almost immediately.
He starts by asking about Jim (because he knows how deeply Spock cares for him), and Spock responds apathetically. This clearly shocks Bones, who then says "I don't believe it, Spock. It's just not like you to give up trying." When Spock doesn't acknowledge something's off, Bones presses him: "I understand. I never thought I'd see it, but I understand. You want to stay here. In fact, you're highly motivated to stay in this forsaken waste!" Spock deflects again, and Bones keeps pressing, which leads to Spock grabbing him by the neck and saying angrily, "I don't like that. I don't think I ever did, and now I'm sure." Bones simply looks him in the eye and asks calmly, "What's happening to you, Spock?"
Instead of hassling Spock about why he isn't doing more, he focuses on what's wrong with Spock himself, and he clearly has a deep understanding of who Spock really is. He starts by trying to get a feel for Spock's emotional state by going to ground 0: Jim. And he doesn't back down when Spock tries to blow him off.
Seeing that he's getting nowhere, Bones bides his time, and then starts something with Zarabeth, knowing Spock will jump to her defense.
When Spock pins him against the wall, Bones calmly says, "Are you trying to kill me, Spock? Is that what you really want? Think! What are you feeling? Rage, jealousy--have you ever had those feelings before?" Spock is clearly affected by this, and says it's impossible, since he's a Vulcan. Bones sees his opening, saying "The Vulcan you knew won't exist for another 5000 years! Think, man! What's happening on your planet right now, at this very moment?" Spock answers with the facts, and Bones tells him flat-out what's going on: he's reverting. Spock falls quiet, and says, "I've lost myself. I do not know who I am."
Bones is specifically structuring his responses (both here and earlier) to cause Spock to evaluate himself--to think, which has always has grounded Spock. Bones indirectly (so that Spock doesn't feel as threatened by the accusation) indicates that Spock's being too emotional. He wants Spock to see for himself that something's wrong, so Bones asks questions or makes open-ended statements so that Spock will have to respond. He also provides enough evidence (pointing out the emotions Spock is feeling) to prove he has a point and guide Spock towards a conclusion. He's talking Spock through it, using reason and logic, which Spock has always responded to. Bones' questions are also phrased so that the answers are objective facts--he's bringing Spock back to the verifiable, Spock's comfort zone. Finally, he does the analysis for Spock, telling him what's undeniably happening, but leaves the course of action open to Spock, so that he can regain control of himself by deciding how to proceed. Bones smoothly and logically guided Spock to the delicate realization he needed to have.
Of Bread and Circuses
Then of course we have this iconic exchange. Jim's been separated from the both of them and they are all in danger. Spock is pulling at the bars although he knows it will be futile.
Bones calls him out on this, and then thanks him for saving his life. When Spock brushes him off and keeps his walls up, Bones says, "I know why you're not afraid to die, Spock. You're more afraid of living. Every day you stay alive is just one more day you might slip--and let your human half peek out." Spock is silent and looks away, and Bones continues, now smiling slightly: "That's it, isn't it? Insecurity. Why, you wouldn't know what to do with a genuine, warm, decent feeling." His face makes it clear he's gently baiting Spock, who then looks back at Bones and says, "Really, Doctor?" Bones replies softly, "I know. I'm worried about Jim, too."
First thing: Spock's theme starts playing when Bones corners him. So we're supposed to get that Bones is really laying him bare. But starting from the beginning of the scene, Bones recognizes Spock's anxiety through his illogical behavior. He takes the time to thank Spock for saving his life, in an effort to remind Spock that he is competent and in control--basically, trying to calm Spock down and reassure him. When Spock refuses to deal with his emotions productively, Bones is having none of it, and shows Spock just how much he knows. He can tell Spock isn't worried for himself ("you're not afraid to die") but also is well aware of Spock's actual fears (which are coloring his current behavior towards Bones). Basically, Bones is saying, "this facade of yours can't keep me out. You're understood. You're not alone." Saying it in those terms, though, would just make Spock feel weak for unsuccessfully trying to mask his behavior, so Bones frames it as a gentle challenge. When Spock looks away, he can tell he's hit the nail on the head, and he smiles because he's getting through to him. His face as he says "you wouldn't know what to do with a genuine, warm, decent feeling" telegraphs to the audience that he's not actually serious, but is looking for a response. And he gets it--Spock acknowledges, as Bones had intended, that he is currently dealing with emotions. And that's where Bones wanted to get him, because now that he's admitted it, he can move forward; but Bones doesn't want this admission to go unrewarded, and definitely doesn't want Spock to go on believing that Bones meant what he'd said about not knowing what to do with feelings, so he again tells Spock that he understands what's really going on, but without challenge this time. He just accepts it and reassures Spock that he's not alone: "I know. I'm worried about Jim too." They're in it together, and now that Spock is a little more vulnerable, he's able to see that Bones is right beside him.
So that was a lot, but there is definitely even more. Basically, give Bones the appreciation he deserves, because his emotional intuition is off the charts. (After all, as he is so fond of reminding us, he is a doctor!)
#star trek#star trek tos#spock#jim kirk#bones mccoy#bones#meta#my meta posts#quality meta seal of approval#photoset#kay can i just catch my breath for a second#kay watches tos#1k#this post will be quiet for a while and then suddenly pick up like 200 notes at a time and it makes me really happy to see 😂😂
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[ 𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 !!! ] [ 𝚜𝚏𝚠 // 𝚑𝚞𝚛𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚝 ]
𝐠𝐧!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐭𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐢 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐨
[ 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐝 ] : HI! I loved your Sero fic sm!!! I've sorta had a really bad week, and was wondering if i could request a fic where the reader who self harmed had been clean for good while but relapsed and just broke down in front of todo or bakugou and it was just a lot of comfort cuddles and fluff or smth??? I understand that this can be a triggering topic so i completely understand if you don't want to!!
[ 𝗺𝘆𝗸𝗶𝗲'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 ] : I'm so glad you enjoyed my Sero fic, dear reader <3 I hope this finds you well and I'd love nothing more than to try to brighten your day and ease some stress a lil w/ some Todo comfort. I hope you like this as well~ :) <3
[ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ] : ʀᴇɢʀᴇꜱꜱɪᴏɴ // ᴘᴀɴɪᴄ ᴀᴛᴛᴀᴄᴋ // ʜᴀʀᴍꜰᴜʟ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛꜱ
[ 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞 ] :
ʏᴏᴜ // ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ - ʙʟᴜᴇ
ᴛᴏᴅᴏʀᴏᴋɪ - ʀᴇᴅ
ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ, ʟᴏᴠᴇ <3
·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙
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┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ˚✩ ⋆｡˚ ✩
┊ ┊ ┊ ✫
┊ ┊ ☪⋆
┊ ⊹ ┊-
✯ ⋆ ┊ . ˚
˚✩
You stand in front of your dorm's bathroom mirror, your knuckles drained of color as you hold onto the edge of your sink in desperation to keep you grounded from your descending thoughts. Your head is pounding and the room feels like it's spinning around you so violently that you're convinced if you so much as loosen your grip, you'll collapse onto the hard tile beneath you.
Looking at yourself in the mirror, tear stains marking the side of your cheeks, eyes hazy and dull from the aftershock of the violent sobbing you had just finished moments ago. You don't know how or when you got here, nor do you recall exactly what had triggered you. The last thing surfacing to your memory is you sitting on your bed scrolling through your social medias.
With a deep and shaky breath, you bow your head down to your knuckles, your jaw clenching over and over causing your teeth to grind together as you try to calm yourself.
in
and out
Like how your therapist told you to...
But it's not helping. Those awful, terrible thoughts keep creeping into your mind and you don't know how much longer you can keep them at bay. With a silent scream you slam your fist hard on the sink, causing a loud bang to echo throughout your bathroom. Before you can do anything more, you hear the door next to you swing open. Incredibly startled, you shoot upwards and whip your head to the side.
Your met by the all too familiar gaze of the person in the doorway. Shoto is frozen in his spot, unsure of what to do or say at the sight of your blood shot eyes. The desolate expression on your face causing his chest to clench.
"I- I came in to check on you but I heard a loud noise and thought you might be in distress..." he says, looking at you intently, "Are you okay, y/n?"
That's it. That's what breaks you. The final string of control snaps within you as you collapse into the boy's arms, large tears pouring down the sides of your cheeks as you hide into Todoroki's chest, muffled sobs falling out your lips once again. You were not okay, not even in the slightest. Although Todoroki has never been the best at picking up other's emotions and cues, he can very clearly see that something was wrong. He goes to gingerly place his hand on your head in an attempt to comfort you before retracting, unsure of your boundaries.
"Is it ok if I touch you?" his voice low and soothing.
You nod fast against him and you immediately feel his strong arms wrap around you, gently squeezing you in close.
"If you want to talk about what you're feeling... I would like to listen and maybe... help you if I can... Though I'm not very good at it," he murmurs, stroking the back of your head in between each word.
Todoroki may not know what you're going through in the moment but he does understand how vulnerable you may be feeling, mentally, physically and emotionally. He's all too familiar with spontaneous melt downs.
You sniffle as you lift your head off of Todoroki's shoulder and you try to wipe your tears away. Shaky, inconsistent breaths and hiccups falling out of you despite your pitiful attempts to calm down. You look up at Todoroki, your mouth opening to say something, anything but the words simply never come out. Everything clogged underneath the awful lump in your throat. He gives you a sad look, not one of pity but one of concern. Genuine concern for your well being and what he could possibly do to comfort you.
Todoroki lets go of you and cups your face in both of his hands, rubbing your eyes with his thumbs to wipe away your tears.
"Don't strain yourself, y/n. I didn't say you had to talk to me, I was simply saying the option is open when you feel ready..." He reassures you, kindness reflecting in his eyes.
You place one of your hands on top of his, pressing it closer to your cheek as you nod into his palm. Your breaths finally slowing down as you melt into Shoto's delicate touch.
"Would you care to move to your bed?" he inquires, "I don't mind carrying you if you feel too weak to move,"
You lip quivers, tears threatening to burst out of your eyes again but for a very different reason. Your heart warms at Shoto's kindness and willingness to care for you. Completely unsure how to react, this kind of attention completely foreign to you, all you manage to do is nod with a painfully sad whimper. You wrap your arms around his neck and Todoroki takes that as an invitation to scoop you up in his arms. With him now holding you bridal style, he makes his way out of the bathroom and to your bed.
He gently lowers you on the soft surface and kneels near the edge of your bed. You look down at him, murmuring a hoarse "thank you". Todoroki gives you a kind and reassuring smile before hoisting himself back up. He turns around to leave, assuming you don't need him anymore but he halts as he feels your hand grip his wrist, urging him to say.
"Ple- please stay..." You say, "I don't want to be alone right now..." you say shyly, averting your gaze to your legs but not letting go of him.
"Of course. Um.. Do you- can I- uh," Shoto stumbles on his words, getting mildly flustered with how he can't figure out how to phrase what he wants to say.
You let out a quiet laugh under your breath, amused by his unusually flustered demeanor.
"I- I would like for you to come in the bed with me," you say, heat blooming on your cheeks from your request.
"That is er- o-only if you're comfortable... with it," You start to trail off with your last words, thinking you probably sound ridiculous.
Wordlessly, Todoroki lifts up the covers and slips himself underneath them and settles right next to you. You now facing each other, the dimly lit room barely illuminating your faces you shuffle a little closer to him.
"Is there anything else you'd like me to do?" he asks. His voice is soft and quiet, making you finally start to feel at peace.
"Is it ok if you hold me...?" you say, your voice hardly above a whisper.
Silently, Shoto wraps his arm around you and guides you to turn around. Your back now facing him, he pulls you into his chest and his face settles right above your head. With his arm wrapped firmly around your torso, you place your hand on his arm and you let out a deep sigh of relief. Feeling so safe, so warm in his strong arms, your worries and harmful thoughts gradually start dwindling away.
"Is this okay?"
"Yes, this is perfect... thank you," you reply, sleep tugging at your lids, the amount of energy you drained earlier that night catching up to you.
The rise and fall of todoroki's chest behind you, the thumping of his steady heartbeat and the sound of his even breaths sooths you endlessly. No longer able you fight off sleep, you give in as you're lulled into a deep sleep.
"Good night y/n..." Todoroki murmurs into you right before you completely drift off into the best sleep you've had in a long time.
.・゜゜・・゜゜・．.・゜゜・・゜゜
𝒇𝒊𝒏 . ✩
#todoroki shoto#reader x todoroki#reader x shoto#reader x mha#reader x bnha#mha scenarios#bnha imagines#mha fanfiction#bnha fanfiction#todoroki headcanons#todoroki comfort#todoroki fluff#bnha fluff#mha fluff#kirishima fluff
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Capture - Grayson Dolan [9/-]
summary: after a wild night, and an amazing slumber, you agree to have a “normal” day with him.. in which you found out his name.. finally..
warnings: smut, kinda fluff-ish, & swearing
a/n: sorry that it takes me literally years to come out with new capture parts. i’ve just been very unmotivated and i just haven’t been able to put my thoughts into words lately. BUT this is finally part nine and i hope you enjoy ! <3
You braced your body for a hard fucking.
Even in the hazed state of drunkenness, where you could hardly make out the few feet in front of you, your body ached and shivered for his touch. Just feeling the warmth of his tall stature standing behind you created some sort of barrier of relief, like you could feel safe within his arms.
Which should be far from the truth...
You heard the echoing sound of his pants falling to the ground with a thud, while his shirt flew over your head and landed on the floor in front of you. Still, even in the weakness of want and need, you contemplated an escape. You knew you'd never succeed, but it was a thought trapped in the back of your mind at all times.
It felt like it had been forever since he last touched you, when in reality, mere seconds.
You almost cried out for him, but you soon felt the coolness of his hand travel down your spine, eliciting a soft whimper to cascade from your lips. His finger pulled the brim of his shirt up your body, just enough to fully examine your backside like it was a precious artifact. You arched your back to his touch, sighing as both of his hands slid up your sides.
Not a word slipped from his mouth as he slipped his hands beneath your thighs, aligning his hard cock with your drenched pussy, roughly pulling you closer to him.
“What made you think you could get into Daddy’s alcohol?” He questions as he finally sinks in, filling your center’s walls until he no longer could. You held your breath as he stretched your pussy achingly slow, a groan escaping his mouth as his girth becomes surrounded with your warmth.
“And snoop around my office like a fucking bad girl?” Just a slow as before, he retracts his hips from yours, watching as your breathing becomes erratic. “D-Daddy!” You scream when he roughly thrusts into you without warning, beginning a quick pace that made you squeal.
He drew his hand back and laid a harsh slap against your ass, guiding his other hand to your shoulder to hold onto for stability. His own breathing became ragged as his cock reached depths into your pussy, unlike any other guy ever had. His reddened tip brushed just delicately over that body-numbing spot that made you squirm and want to shriek with pleasure.
“God, you’re so fucking tight.” He murmured breathlessly to himself, which only furthered him to want you more. He travels his free hand back down to your slick folds, adding quick circles with his thumb to the hood of your clit. Your mind was too slow to comprehend the amount of ecstasy the man behind you was bringing, but you knew you had to be close to combusting around his sunken cock— and you could hardly wait.
He was close too, his movements became ragged and he too was in a state of euphoria where he couldn’t decipher what’s wrong from right.
“I-I’m so fucking close, Daddyy.” You drug out, hiccuping when he brushes over that spot over and over, like he knew that that’s where it made you shiver and yelp for him. You didn’t wait for a response. Instead, you came all over him— falling apart in his grasp.
And he did the same.
He breathed a soft moan as he came undone, shooting his hot spurts of cum up into you, his chest heaving up and down from exertion. Soon enough, he pulled away from you. The warmth of him and his body leaving you sprawled out upon his desk like it had never happened.
You turned over to lay on your back, exhaustion tightening upon your heaving body. If allowed so, you would've fell asleep right on his desk. Possibly even lay down on the floor, for your room seemed like miles away and your legs weren't stable enough to balance on anyway. Your eyes were already shut and your mind became clear, unbothered by anything surrounding you.
Even he had escaped your mind, all until you felt your shirt unravel down your body, shielding the bareness of your skin. He cleaned up the mess that the two of you had made, and tucked a piece of lose hair behind your ear.You didn't care to open your eyes, but your heart seemed to beat a little quicker as he picked you up. His touch was delicate, like you were a priceless piece of art. And he even walked gracefully, slow and simple steps until the warmth of another room struck your frozen face.
His embrace was so comfortable, soothing even, and you couldn't help the heaviness of your eyelids. You were halfway asleep before he laid you down on his bed and lifted the silky smooth covers over your body.
"Goodnight, G." You weren't sure how, but you were capable enough whisper that little phrase. His heart fluttered, a smiling drawing his lips and he just had to bend down and leave a sweet kiss on your cheek.
"Sweet dreams." His once harsh voice was softer than he had ever used it, something familiar that you seemed to have known a long time ago..
Your dreams swept over your fulfilled mind, and a deep sleep fell over you.
-
Your eyes fluttered open and a golden splash of sun had seeped ever so quietly through the window of the room in which you were peacefully sleeping in. You were sunken into the pillowy surface of a gigantic bed, the fluffy duvet covering you entirely and some more. In the imaginary book titled "Top Five Sleeps I've Ever Had," you'd have to say that waking up like this had to at least be pulling in the top three. It was so warm and comfy, and the likelihood of you ever moving from such a position, was very rare.
Now, the man, snoring like an angel would, beside you, shouldn't feel oh-so normal. In fact, anyone with morals and common sense would be outraged and have thrown a fit. After all, he's a stranger— who's gone as far as to kidnap you and hold you captive for however long it's been. But, if we're being honest, you've lost all sense and mindfulness by now. You're flatly surviving with your emotions at this point.
He is pretty attractive though...
Your eyes had nothing else to do except roam his exposed backside, the sunlight sculpting all the creases of his uniformly patterned muscles. And his soft hair, placed angelically upon the pillow where the rest of his head laid. If only it were under different circumstances, would you then and only then consider his affection and presumably put it into a relationship.
"Didn't your mother ever tell you that it's rude to stare?" His hoarse voice rose just a little above a whisper, a temporary chuckle flooding from his lips as well. "I'm admiring, not staring. There's a difference." Although you followed with an eye roll, your lips were twisted into a giddy grin and the roundest part of your cheeks became a rosy pink.
"Still quick-witted, huh?" He began as he rolled his body over to face you. His lips were a swollen red, just enough to leave a small peck upon— only if you could. His hazels were glistening after a long yawn emptied from his mouth, which unfortunately you're extremely contagious to. You open your mouth to replicate what he had just done, but your yawn is stopped short when his soothing words seeped from his lips.
"I wish it were back to normal, like the old days. With me, waking up right next to you." He began as a cheesy smile curved his lips. "Talking, laughing, deep conversations, debating, arguing— everything that we used to do, I want it back. I want you to remember who I am, to remember us."
"Then show me." You subtly demanded. His eyes flickered wider as his cheeks turned into a pinkish-red. Within an instant, he threw the covers off of the two of you and quickly scrambled out of the comfortable bed.
"C'mon." He held out his hand for your own, and with a nice smile you took it. He pulled you up from the bed and onto the chilling floor with ease, soliciting a short giggle as you stabilized your aching body upon your feet.
No matter how peculiar this situation is, you wanted to at least try to have one normal encounter with him.
You kept your hands intertwined as he led you from the room and down the hall towards the kitchen. He only let go when he was in reach of the coffee machine that he as nicely set atop the counter of his large kitchen. “Coffee, M’lady?” He curved one of his brows as he turned on the high tech machine as you happily nodded.
You haven’t had a warm cup of coffee in a long time, it seems...
-
Your stomach began to hurt from all the endless laughing you've been submerged in, reminiscing on your own childhood stories as well as his college adventures for the past couple hours. The two of you left the kitchen and your empty mugs awhile ago, and now you both were comfortably settled upon the expensively clothed couches that were strategically placed in the large living area.
Your mind is at such an ease, talking to a man you’ve somewhat grown to know in this morning.
The way he talked and expressed himself reminded you of someone you used to know, a long time ago. And it made your head fuzzy and clueless, irritated that you couldn't exactly pinpoint who he really was. Once the laughter had subsided, and the never-leaving question once again clouded your mind— you just had to ask.
"Who— Who are you?" Your voice was so curious, so innocent and in need of an answer from the man you've been so desperate to know for ages.
He didn't reply straight away. Instead, he focused his glistened orbs on the likes of yours, reaching depths it never had before. He intakes a large, deep breath, blowing his exhale out through his nose as his chest fell in a relaxed sigh.
"Grayson," He solemnly began, standing from his former seat and taking a few steps towards you, "Dolan." He crouched down before you as his lips sealed, his shaking hands falling onto your shoulders and gracefully sliding up your neck, resting upon the warmth of your cheeks.
You mind tumbled as your tongue wouldn't lather a word to permit from your mouth. You froze, unable to move or even think clearly as realization courses through you.
"It can't be.." You were eventually able to stutter, bringing your hands up to lay flat on his own. A single tear fell from you eye, and Grayson shuttered..
-
He's dead.
And so am I.
to be continued...
#dolan twins#grayson#ily#dolan twins smut#dt#ethan dolan#ethan grant dolan#grant#grayson dolan#grayson dolan fanfic#grayson dolan smut#graysondolansmut#dick grayson#graysonbailey#graysonbaileydolan#smut#ethandolansmut#ethangrantdolan#grayson and ethan
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Run Away (Eight- What You Gotta Do)
Pairing: Steve Rogers x Avenger! Reader
Summary: You and Steve complete each other. Your love is that strong and devoted kind of love that pushes people to things like marriage, making a family. You couldn't imagine that a baby would be something you really wished, until the possibility wasn't your choice anymore.
Warnings: A bit of angst, pregnancy talk, mentions of injuries, mentions of abandonement (mild), fluff, reader is still an emotional rollercoaster, cursing and swearing, smut, unprotected sex (too late for these two lmao), oral sex (f recieving), brief mentions of body insicurities, Bucky’s a puppy dog.
Words Count: 5289
A/n: Part eight! I can’t believe that I’ve actually come this far lmao. Plus, me posting stuff with less than 44827 years of distance with each other? A miracle. I always said that I would wrap it up at 10 chapters,but while writing this chapter I realized that I will need one or two extra chapters + the epilogue. We’ll see. For now I’m happy to be able to write lol. Series masterlist here, main masterlist here. Enjoy <3
ps: Chris’s look in that gif,,,chile
(gif not mine)
In the following week you saw Steve once a day, just to assure that he was doing fine. He wasn' sleeping in your shared room for the moment, but in a spare bedroom. You knew that you were probably being harsh with him, but you were so mad. It wasn't the first time that he did something stupid to try and save others. Hell, just think about that damned plane crash that put him in the ice in the first place.
You understood the reasons why, and basically everyone tried to talk with you and kinda 'sugar coat it' but the issue wasn't that you didn't understand: the issue was that he couldn't afford to think only about himself. Was it selfish on your behalf to think that way? Maybe. But you couldn't help it. You told yourself that it would've been different if you were just married, or just lovers. His decisions would've still been his. But now it's different. In less than six months he would've become a father. And that comes with responsibility. Wasn't he the first to tell you how important it was for you to put aside your job, for months or maybe even forever, just for the wellbeing of the creature inside you? That kid is yours just as much as he's his.
You and Bucky went out for a shopping trip that afternon. You would've asked Wanda, but she and Vision went to Clint's farm for a few days to see him and his family. Steve still had to be inside the tower, since he wasn't fully healed yet. You knew that he was watching a football game with Sam now, while Tony and Bruce were working on a new project, and Thor went to Asgard for a while to go check that Loki and Odin weren't at each other's throats.
You didn't mind Bucky's company at all. And in any case it wasn't like you felt like going out with Steve, not just yet. The brunette drove you both to the mall where he parked and then you went inside.
-So, what absolutely exciting and girly shops I have to visit today?- he asked while you curled your hand around his bicep. You laughed, looking up at him while you walked.
-Well, this mama is getting bigger every day, so I really can't wear my old clothes. I wouldn't even fit in them, and I can't go on with you guys' hoodies and t-shirts. I mean, I'm still a woman. Who said I can't look good while pregnant?- you responded, dragging him to a maternity clothes shop. As soon as you entered like half of the women in the shop turned to look at Bucky. You glanced at him and saw that he blushed and was looking everywhere except them. You bit you lip to not smile while you started to look around at the clothes. You made sure to engage in conversations with him to try and take the attention away.
-Damn homie, I think you just made those women regret their partners.- you said lowly so only he could hear you, and being a super enhanced supersolier, he did hear you very clearly. He snapped his head towards you with a look of disbelief on his face. His expression was so funny that you couldn't help but laugh. He looked around quickly then got closer to you.
-Stop it! It's already embarassing without you pointing it out.- he whined with a low voice. You stopped laughing but you couldn't help but smile, pressing your lips together.
-It's just so funny to me, because I understand these women. Turns out that pregnancy doesn't only make you sick, but also terribly horny.- you rose an eyebrow and he face palmed himself. You laughed again.
-Too much information, doll.- he groaned. You chuckled, putting in his hands a bunch of clothes. He caught them with both arms and followed you like a puppy to the changing rooms.
-Thank you kind sir, now I'm gonna see if they fit then I promise we're out of here.- you joked, hanging the clothes into the changing room. You closed the tent and he let himself fall delicately on one of the couches. He looked around while he waited but it turned out to be a bad idea when he saw the women from the various isles and even the shop's staff looking at him. He awkwardly smiled and then looked back at the closed changing room, sinking in his seat and covering the side of his face with a hand nonchalantly. He heard a few muffled giggles but no ne bothered him.
-Y/n are you done?- he asked, more embarassed than anything. Suddenly she pulled back the tent and started to gather a few of the garments in her hand. Bucky's gaze got caught on her figure. It was essentially the first time that she wore something fitting and not exaggerately large, so her belly was fully on display, even more so since she was turned to the side. The man felt a mix of emotions all at once and didn't quite catch the first time she called him.
-Buck, did you hear me?- he snapped out of it and stood to his feet, blinking a few times.
-It looks great.- he commented. You had on a nice flowery minidress, the sleeves were short and puffy, the square neckline showed just enough cleavage to remain classy, the breast area was tight but just below the skirt was soft and fell perfectly on your figure, showing the belly. You looked at him with a smile, chuckling slightly.
-Yeah, it fits well doesn't it? I'm getting these,- he gave a three dresses, two shirts, two t-shirts, two pairs of jeans and a pencil skirt to him, while she had other stuff in her own hands. -And I'm leaving these.- she sighed.
-Would you do me a favor? I'm dropping these off, meanwhile could you go to the pay desk? I'll be there in a sec.- he nodded and you thanked him while you walked away to the isles. Bucky walked towards the counter and dropped the garments on the desk, giving a quick smile to the girl behind it. He pulled out from the back pocket of his jeans the wallet and then the credit card, which was obviously Tony's, and put it on the glass above the counter. He waited a few seconds until the clerk, which was a nice girl with black hair and amber like eyes, spoke to him.
-So, how far are you guys?- she asked. Bucky almost choked on air at that phrase.
-Oh we- - he was about to say, but you arrived at his side and saved the situation. You smiled kindly at the girl and gave a pat on Bucky's arm.
-I'll be exactly of five months in a week, and he's more like the uncle than the father.- she tileted her head towards the brunette. The clerk smirked.
-Is he now?- she said rethorically. Then added, -That would be 277$. You're paying with cash or card?- Bucky gave her the Visa and she thanked him, finishing the payment. Y/n glanced at him with a knowing look and a slight smirk. He rolled his eyes and shook his head a little, she furrowed her brows as if to ask 'Why?' and he just mouthed 'No', so she didn't push. For now.
-Thank you for your purchase, congratulations and we hope to see you soon.- the girl said with courtesy, her gaze lingering a bit on the man, whom didn't return the look. You could see the slight disppointment of the girl.
-Thank you, have a nice day.- you saluted her and then headed out with Bucky. An hour had already passed and you still had in mind to buy a few things, but first you needed a break.
-I desperately want a piece of cake. What do you think?- you elbowed him delicately to catch his attention. He turned his head and nodded, still carrying the two bags. You arrived at the mall's cafe and ordered. He picked an iced coffe and you a slice of cheesecake and some tea, knowing that coffe wasn't that good for pregnancy. You took a seat at one of the tables outside, even tho you were still technically inside the mall.
-So, wanna tell me why you didn't accept the clear as the sun advances that the pretty shop assistant did?- you brought the fork to your mouth. He huffed and shrugged.
-Because I am not interested. I don't think I'm in the right mindspace to date right now.- he responded. You exhaled, tilting your head slightly to the side.
-Buck, I know that it didn't end up that smoothly with Nat, but she's gone.- she realized how that sounded like and quickly corrected herself, -I mean, not gone. But...gone, you know?- you cringed at your own words and he snorted.
-Very smooth y/n.- he joked, earning a glare from you.
-Shut up, I'm trying to help here. What I meant that while I understand that things with Nat didn't end up in the best of ways, she went away to give both of you the space you need to get back on your feet.- you paused, drinking a sip of tea, then offring the last bite of cake to him. He shook his head, giving you a lopsided smile.
-Don't worry, it's all yours.- you pointed your finger at him, while chewing the cheesecake. He chuckled.
-Right answer. Anyways, what I'm trying to say here, Buck, is that you have to allow yourself to try again. Because you deserve it. What do you tell me about that person you said you were interested in? I've never seen you with anyone in the last three months.- he looked to the side for a moment casually.
-They're taken so, yeah.- he simply answered, shrugging while taking a sip of coffe. You got sad all of a sudden. You eyebrows knotted in a sad expression and he noticed, giving you a small smile.
-Hey, don't do that. It's okay. I'm not like heartbroken or shit. I'm happy for her.- he assured you, -She.. well she has a family. She deserves it, so I'm happy for her.- he nodded, smiling softly. You smiled at him too, still with a hint of sadness. He took a nother sip of coffe an then raised an eyebrow, looking at you.
-Why are you crying?- he asked confused. You furruwed your brows in confusion and wiped your fingers under your eyes, realizing that a few tears had escaped. At that point without a reason, you started to feel worse and embarassed and a mess, so you sterted to actually sob a little. Bucky got up and moved his chair next to yours, hugging you.
-Hey what's wrong? I promise I'm alright.- he laughed to try and lighten the situation. You hiccupped into his chest.
-I- I know..it's just.. I don't know, these stupid hormones are making me act hysterical.- you had sittle sobs coming out every now and then. He kissed your head while he stroked your back.
-It's okay, you're not hysterical.- he chuckled softly making you smile. You pulled away from him looking in his eyes.
-I'm a mess aren't I?- Bucky wiped a little smudge of mascara under her eye, and then smiled at her lovingly.
-You look just fine, darling.- she hugged him, whispering a 'thank you, I love you' in his ear.
-I love you too- he answered.
After that, they finished their drink and Y/n told Bucky that she wanted to order a few things for the baby so they did just that. They went in a baby-stuff shop and she choose and placed some orders for a crib, a baby seat for both the car and the kitchen and the changing table. You didn't wanted to buy them right away, so you told the shop to bring them at the tower when they wanted.
When you exited the shop, it was already six thirty pm, so you decided to head back at the tower.
In the car, you told Bucky about your idea to get a midwife to help you during your pregnancy and especially when it'll be time to deliver the baby.
-I don't know y/n... I mean I think that you don't need a midwife or some other stranger to take care of you and the baby. You have Steve. You have me, and Sam, Wanda and the rest of the team. Bruce has basically become a doctor of everything, I'm sure that helping to deliver a child isn't that hard.- he shrugged while keeping his eyes on the road.
-I can't and wouldn't expect you all to babaysit me for another four months, Bucky. You have missions, classes, a you know, your own lives.- he glared at you, probably wanting to intervene and contraddict you, but he remained quiet in the end.
-And, you really can't expect Bruce to handle this. He's a fucking physician for God's sake. He's absolutely amazing, but a delivery? No, that would be too much even for him. And I would be kinda embarassed, for crying out loud.- you added with a high pitched voice. You absentmindely started to cradle your belly. He thought about it for a few seconds.
-I don't know y/n, you know how I am with strangers. But in any case it's your and Steve's decision. Please, talk to him. He's been miserable this week without you. He wouldn't shut up about how he was sorry, and stupid and in love with you and that he misses your smile, your belly and I don't know, I stopped listening after a while.- he said exasperatedly. You suppressed a smile.
-Really? - you asked sheepishly. He turned his head to look at you for a second before smiling knowingly.
-You know it's true. Your fucking married, for God's sake.- he said, tired of you two being idiots. He could just imagine how it'll be when you'll become parents. You will be great at it, but also a mess at the same time.
-Hey, Whiny Soldier, how was shopping? - Sam shouted when he saw the two of you coming in the room with your hands full of bags. You didn't see him, but you just knew that he pursed his lips and shook his head.
-
You came back at the tower just in time for dinner. Vision and Wanda had aprons tied on their chests, while the others were just chilling in the common room. Steve was there too, beside Bruce.
-Shopping was productive, thank you very much.- you answered pointing for Bucky to put down the bags.
-Let me help you take these to your room.- he offered, but you gave him a look and he understood immediately, putting them down. You smiled and kissed his cheek.
-Thank you for being my human cart today.- his jaw dropped, pretending to be offended.
-Oooh- Sam howled and the others laughed. Steve smiled slightly, still mortified by your little 'cold shoulder week' thing.
-You're lucky I can't tickle you to death right now.- he pointed his finger at you before walking to the fridge to pour himself a glass of water.
-Yeah, yeah, like you say big guy.- you teased him. You paused, shifting your gaze to Steve. He was wearing a blue hoodie and gray sweatpants, his dirty blonde hair were starting to get a bit long at the sides and a few strands fell on his forehead, while his jaw was covered with a slight scruff. His puppy dog eyes met yours and you couln't help but melt a little.
-Steve, are you well enough to help me with these?- you asked and even before you could finish he was on his feet. He almost tripped from how fast he tried to reach you.
-Yes I'm perfectly well I mean I'd love to help you. I mean obv- - you raised an eyebrow and he stopped, looking down. The whole team was watching in silence like it was a damn movie.
-I'm rambling, I'm sorry.- he said lowly. You sighed and places three of the four bags in his hands.
-C'mon. And you all, get a life.- you called them out while you two walked to the elevator. A few minutes later, after the short, silent, trip, you arrived to your room. He placed the bags on the bed and you did the same after closing the door behind you.
-Help me take off the price tags.- you invited him. He grabbed the bag, taking out the first garment. It was a white baby onesie, with Captain America's shield logo on it in white, blue, and red. His breath got caught in his throat and he suddenly let out a sob.
You snapped your head up in confusion, your features softening when you saw him. He sat on the bed, head down, onesie still in his hand. You put down the dress you had in your hands and went to sit next to him, since it would've been really uncomfortable for you to bend on your legs now. You hand went istinctively to rub his back.
-Can we talk?- he asks with broken voice. You tilt your head to the side to look at him with the shadow of a smile on your face.
-Only if you stop crying. Or else none of us will be able to talk at all.- he chuckles slightly making you smile lovingly. He wraps his big arms around you, nuzzling his face in your neck, your collarbones exposed due to the large shirt you were wearing. The wave of relief that washed over you in that moment was hard to describe.
-I missed you so much, baby. I couldn't stand the thought of you being mad at me. I'm sorry for being so impulsive.- he sniffed while he talked. You nodded, cupping his face gently. Steve melted into your touch.
-I know you are. And I'm sorry too. I know that I've been harsh with you these past days, it's just...- he waited patiently, -You're not responsable for only yourself anymore. I understand, please trust me, I understand what you wanted to do and also that you feel like it's your duty to do that. And it kinda is, but my point is- you shook your head realizing that you weren't really explaining yourself.
-What I mean is that you cannot put your life behind other's. Not for me, not even for the team. We're grown ass adults okay? Fow how much you can love us and we can love you, we are our own person. But this- you placed his hand on your belly, -This had been a choice. Your, mine. We both are responsable for this life. The same way I gave up my job, and the lessons. Now, I'm not asking you to stop going on missions, but I'd like you to be with me as much as possible. And that when you go, you'll be careful. Please, Steve.- you say softly, almost in the verge of tears. Again. You've cried more in five months than in your whole life probably.
-You're right. It was pretty hypocritical of me to get mad at you for the same reason in the first place.- he shook his head in disappointment. You rolled your eyes, adding -Work. I think we'll have to rearrange ourselves in this department.- you smiled and he laughed, agreeing.
-So, are we gonna get these off the bed and use the space in a better way or what?- your lips curled in a seductive smirk that quite shocked him. He recovered quickly, jumping on his feet and placing the bags on the ground in a split second. You threw you head back laughing at his eagerness, but you honestly couldn't blame him. Your hormones were a mess and your horniness at level 100, but you often were either sick, tired, hungry or he was. And not to mention the missions that separated you. So let's say that since you got pregnant the sex decreased noticeably, which was something that you wanted to fix. You phisically missed and needed him.
He returned to you and crashed his lips to yours, and soon enough you were a mess of tongues and lip bites and sucks that got interrupeted just briefly to get your clothes off. He didn't have anything under his hoodie, and you happily noticed that he was completely healed and that his weeks in the tower were due to the lack of new missions. You sincerely hoped it would last. After his hoodie, his pants and boxers were next. With you the situation was a bit more complex: first the light material shirt you had on had to be unbuttoned, then your tank top, the jeans' belt and the pants themselves. When you were left in just your underwear, a plain set of cotton white bra and panties, Steve stopped to look at your body.
He was in awe of you. He rose his hand and started a caress that began on your cheek, his thumb on your bottom lip, then descended to your now fuller breasts, to the curve of your waist to to your baby bump. At that point he bent down on his knees and kissed it softly.
-Hey little one, if you want to take a nap, now it would be a good time.- he whispered directly to the stretched skin. You let out a sound that was halfway between of a whine and a laugh.
-Steve, Jesus Christ.- you covered your face with your hands. You heard him laugh and stand on his feet again. He removed your hands gently, kissing you again with slow, agonizing passion that even let escape a ridiculous whine from your lips at the loss.
-Where were we?- he reached behind your back and unclasped the bra, sliding it off your shoulders and freeing your breasts.
-Mrs and Mr. Rogers I'm sorry to disturb, miss Maximoff would like me to inform you that dinner's ready.- you stopped hearing F.R.I.D.A.Y.'s voice. You groaned, annoyed at the interruption, but Steve suddenly started to push you on the bed and to lick and suck your boobs.
-Tell miss Maximoff that we have dinner here.- he responded biting softly your nipple, making you whimper.
-It will be done, mr Rogers.-
-Geez Steve, couldn't you be more specific?- you sassed with a deep breath, distracted by your husband's mouth. He snorted moving further down to remove your panties.
-You're already pregnant, couldn't be more obvious than that.- you started to laugh, but it soon became a loud moan when you felt his tongue licking a long stripe on your pussy. You closed your eyes and istinctively wanted to bring your hand in his hair, but you found an obstacle. A medium big, round and naked obstacle. You huffed and Steve stopped, tilting his head to the side, since now you couldn't even see him from between your legs.
-Are you okay?- he asked, worry in his voice. You sat on the bed, helping yourself with your hands. He returned beside you, waiting.
-It's just..ugh I'm so awkward and big and not confident if I have to be honest.- you say for the first time out loud. You wanted to cover yourself by curling your knees to you chest, but again, you swollen stomach didn't allow it. At that point you got even more frustrated.
-Damn it.- Steve places his fingers under your chin and made you look at him. His eyes were serious but not mad.
-Hey, none of that. Do you even realize the miracle your beautiful body is doing? You're creating a whole life in there, baby.- he smiled brightly looking in your eyes, -And by the way, you're still hot as fuck.- that made you laugh. He kept smiling while he made you lay down again on the sheets.
-This beautiful face..these cheeks are even sweeter now.- he peppered them with kisses making you giggle uncontrollably.
-Don't get me started on these ones...- his hands cupped your breasts while his mouth attacked your nipples and the soft skin. You moaned softly, your hand immediately in his short hair, your nails delicately scratching his scalp.
-But you know my most favorite thing?- he kept going, -This.- he was now between your legs, kneeled in front of your stomach. He caressed it and kissed it a few times. Then his gaze locked in yours again. You almost felt hypnotized, both by his velvety voice and his touch.
-I love it because it's round and soft and most importantly because it's giving me a family. A baby. And you know who's giving me all of this? You are. So don't ever be insecure about this wonderful body, please.- you smiled at him softly. Soon enough the mood changed again when he spoke his next words.
-Now, are you gonna let me thank this stunning body like it deserves or not?- you felt the smirk in his voice, his blue eyes hungry. You mirrored his expression propping yourself up on your elbows.
-Would like to see it.- you answer. He huffs out a laugh and reprises what he started doing a few minutes prior. He took good care of you until you came on his tongue, and at that point you grabbed him to crash your lips together. You kept moving and bringing him with you, until he found himself laying down on his back and you straddling his hips. Steve's hands immediately went to your sides, trying to not move and let you do the work, even though all he wanted was to fuck you until you both could't anymore.
You kept you eyes on his while you stroked him a few times before slowly sinking on him. He squeezed both his eyes shut and your hips, huffing a long breath. That could've almost made you laugh if you weren't just as wrecked. Your hips started moving, back and forth, to the sides in painfully slow circular motions. At one point he grabbed your ass, sitting up and making you gasp.
-Doll I'm kinda struggling here- he breathed out kissing your neck while you kept moving. -I want to be delicate but damn.- he nipped at your sweet spot between your neck and shoulder. Your hips started going faster with the help of his hands guiding you and soon enough you were panting and kissing each other passionately and messily.
-Oh, Steve I'm almost there- you moan hugging his head to your chest. He moaned too, reaching in front of you with his hand to circle your clit.
-I'm right behind you baby.- he reassured you while in reality he was trying hard not to come in that exact moment. He craved you more than usual, not only beacause your body was actually so fucking hot to him but also because he hasn't touched you for almost two whole weeks.
Just a few seconds later you gripped his shoulders, hiding your face in his neck. His breath got caught in his troath at the way you clenched around him when you came. And as a cue, he followed you short after, coming inside you. You stayed like that, hugging and cuddling for some minutes, then he kissed you and moved you gently on his side, hissing slightly when you lost contact.
-Be right back.- he said going to the bathroom and returning with a wet wash cloth. He cleaned you up from both of your releases and then went back to throw the dirty fabric in the laundry basket. You looked at him with a lopsided smile, still hazy and quite tired from the recent activity. He mirrored your expression with messy hair, crawling in the bed to you and pulling you on his side after.
-I needed that.- you say. He sighed, -I definetly did too. How come we always end up having sex after we argue or talk?- he asked casually. You shrugged.
-I don't know, the important thing is that the talk comes first and then, the sex.- he agreed with a nod. You chewed on you lip a bit before speaking again.
-Honey- you called, he hummed.
-While you were away last week I started to think about how I will probably need more help in the future, you know. And the fact that you and the others are often away on missions. And I mean it's totally alright, that's work but... I felt so bad when Sam and Wanda were left behind last time. And just to 'babysit' me.- he looked down at you with a frown.
-They offered to stay behind because they wanted to. We're taking turns on missions all the time.- he responded. You barely noticed that he had started to caress your belly.
-That's not the point, you know it. The last mission was quite big. I know my work well enough to know that Fury would've sent all the team, if I weren't left behind. Also by now we both understood that this baby isn't a normal baby and that is why I'm so sick so often. Bruce can't be here all the time, and for how good and skilled he his, he's not an expert in the baby field.- he was listening to you intently, but he wasn't quite sure with where you wanted to go with this.
-What's the point?- he asked, moving a strand of your hair from your face with his fingers.
-The point is, that I've read a lot in these months, and I think that we should hire a midwife. It would be someone that stays with me most of the day and helps me. An actual expert.-
-And how would you explain that our child has the blood of two super soldiers?- his hand motioned himself and you. You got up, towards the bathroom.
-Steve, we share the house with a god, a giant green monster, enhanced people, a witch, a kid that has the powers of a spider and an intelligent robot. I think it wouldn't be a great surprise.- you closed the door, peed and then refreshed yourself before going back to take some clean clothes. You saw that he was waiting for you to get out, probably wanting to shower.
-Okay then, I guess we can arrange that, if that will make you feel better.- he finally spoke. You kissed his cheek, already in your underwear.
-Thank you. You're showering?- he nods, the raises an eyebrow.
-Wanna join?- you laugh and shake your head.
-No, baby not now. I get tired quite easily and if the bed's already a bit difficult to work with, the shower must be a nightmare.- he pouted.
-You're right.-
-But- he stops the door before it closes, waiting for you to continue. -I want to fix your hair and your beard if you let me.- a lopsided smile opens on his face.
-Be my guest.-
-
After you sat him down on the edge of the bathtub, you shortened the longer strands on top with tiny scissors. After that you picked up the electric razor and groomed the sides, shortneing them but not removing them completely. You did the same with the beard, leaving a short, barely visible scruff. About twenty minutes later you were done. You put down the razor and took a step back to look at your work.
-Perfect.- you commented, brushing the hair that fell on his chest and shoulders. He stood up and looked at himself in the mirror, smiling.
-Is there anything you can't do?- he asked. You smirked, kissing him before starting to clean up.
-No, I'm a woman.-
*************
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Page 5
He answered her smile, which rested on him vividly -> The verb 'rested' personifies Lily's smile and gives it a physicality, and implies that it can exert a force as any object would on a surface. Hence it implies that Selden is physically affected by her happiness, and 'vivdly' describes the magnitude of that force as a great one. This is a beautiful description of the effects of being in love, and hints at such subtly for Selden.
Her discretions interested him almost as much as her imprudences: he was so sure that both were part of the same carefully-elaborated plan. -> Selden cares for every part of Lily, and does not frown upon her misdemeanours as others would. This is important in the rest of the novel as Selden is really the only person that wholly accepts Lily and given that it is people's rejection of Lily that causes her downfall, it is tragic to think of what could have been. There is also a theme that Lily doesn't exist, but is made for a purpose, and she continues to manufacture herself in her performances and behaviour, as was her upbringing, to wed. Everything about Lily is-- at least in Selden's eyes-- purposeful, which is a comment on the materialism of the upper classes in how it treats its people as commodities to fulfill marriages.
"... we'll invent something." -> This is just another way of saying we'll think of something, but using the verb 'invent' suggests creation and a partnered effort of doing something together, which is another expression of Selden's love for Lily, in that he genuinely values her and what she can do.
He led her through the throng of... shallow-faced girls... and flat-chested women... Was it possible she belonged to the same race? The dinginess, the crudity of this average section of womenhood made him feel how highly specialised she was -> Okay, so I'm going to have to go into rant mode to break this down. On first reading, it seemed that this is genuinely how Selden thinks about women, that they are the sum of their appearance and that appearance is generally 'dingy' and 'crude'. Listing noun phrases like 'the dinginess, the crudity' certainly seems to emphasise this. And to some extent I still agree with this. However, I think that there is a duality to this description of the women in their setting. Wharton is using Selden to demonstrate the male perspective and thus how hard it is for women to succeed when this is how they are generally viewed by the patriarchy. Secondly, I think there is a distinction to be made between every woman is ugly except for Lily, which is how I initially read it l, and every woman is ugly because of Lily, which is how I'm going to interpret it for my sanity. In saying that Selden sees other women as ugly as a direct consequence of Lily, it implies that he only has eyes for her because he is in love.
her long light step -> This is another example of demonstrating the delicacy of Lily.
the modelling of her little ear, the crisp upward wave of her hair -> This again portrays Lily as delicate, but the listing of her features emphasises Selden's obsession with noticing her every detail and through this obsession her delicacy becomes established as a feminine desirability.
Everything about her was at once vigorous and exquisite, at once strong and fine. -> The complicated, alluring dichotomy of Lily Bart. This applies to her character too: how morally steadfast and headstrong yet vulnerable and dependant she is.
He had a confused sense that she must have cost a great deal to make, that a great many dull and ugly people must... have been sacrificed to produce her -> This is a continuation on the theme that the upper classes are commodities produced to fulfill purposes. Here Wharton comments on the superfluous and glutinous obsession of the upper classes with beauty, especially as a currency to success, and the consequences that has on the people who don't conform. 'Dull and ugly people' are here implied that they have failed in the eyes of society, allowing more beautiful people to succeed. In this sense it also reads as a comment on the suffrage of the lower classes so that the upper classes can maintain these standards.
He was aware that the qualities that distinguished her from the herd of her sex were chiefly external; as though a fine glaze of beauty and fastidiousness had been applied to vulgar clay. -> (see above rant) Again, this I am going to interpret as Selden trying to take an objective standpoint, trying to rationalise his feelings by viewing Lily as society would. And in this objective perspective, Lily is still very beautiful. This interpretation has some merit to it as we see in the line about Lily's discretions, that he cares for her actions as much as her appearance.
New word: fastidiousness (I've heard this before but wasn't sure if the meaning)
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