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honeyblve · 11 months

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i had a huge milestone happen yesterday in my health journey and i wanted to vent and document it for myself, kind of like a journal entry, because this is the end of a chapter and beginning of another for me. its kind of a selfish post that nobody else will probably care about but i think it will be nice to have to look back on. im not sure if adding trigger warnings to this post is needed but im going to add them just incase anyone takes the time to read this if you do read this i appreciate it sm.

tw: injury, mistreatment from doctors, mental health issues, su*cide

for the past year ive been dealing with a serious back injury that has wreaked havoc on my life. i had to quit my job and was basically bed ridden for months. its effected my mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing in such a horrible and traumatic way. i've seen numerous doctors and tried multiple types of possible solutions with no resolve in my pain, been rejected by a doctor for surgery due to my body type (dont even get me started on that bs. it was fully a him problem and not a me problem), and essentially lost all quality of life. at one point i was so exhausted and overstimulated from all the pain that i didnt see any point in living if the rest of my life was going to be consumed with an unimaginable and unbearable amount of pain. i spent many nights crying myself to sleep, feeling very isolated and alone, taking insane amounts of medicine for a small amount of relief, unable to rest due to pain, and missed out on some very important moments in my life and others around me lives as well. i graduated college earlier this year after 5 years of working full time, going to college full time, and dealing with health issues on top of it and was unable to walk across the stage and celebrate my hard work all because of this injury. i bottled up a lot of the stress and sadness i was experiencing because i didnt want to add another thing on to the list of problems to figure out for myself or my family. which in turn caused me to start having major issues with anxiety and depression. a year in my life that was meant for growth, transition, and finding my footing as a proper adult was completely overtaken. to say it was a hard year is such an understatement but truly the only way i can really put it.

yesterday, i saw a new specialist and was finally approved for surgery after being turned down by another specialist back in september ‘22. a surgery that takes 45 minutes and will almost instantly relieve any pain im experiencing. a surgery that i was told would usually be suggested 6 weeks into experiencing symptoms a year and two months after i started experiencing symptoms. for the first time i was shown my mri results that i had done 9 months ago and explained just how severe the injury in my back is. my jaw was on the floor at how horrible it was. i could finally understand what was happening inside my body. it helped my brain justify everything that ive been experiencing and proved to myself that i wasnt crazy. when i was asked if i wanted to move forward with the surgery it was the first time that i felt like i wasnt just being observed and passed along for someone else to make the decision for me. i finally felt like i was given the opportunity to speak for myself and make a decision for my own body. i wasnt seen based only on my outer appearance or a number on a scale. i was seen as a human being who is experiencing pain 24/7 for over 400 days and needed help. finally my advocacy for myself worked and a doctor is on my side. when he left the room i immediately started sobbing and felt like i could breathe for the first time in what felt like forever.

looking back i think in many ways this year was meant for internal growth. there were a lot of things i had to learn about myself and begin to change. either through therapy or by opening up to family and friends. so even though it was not necessarily growth in the literal world, i grew up a lot within myself. for some reason in all of my circumstances i always feel the need to learn something. maybe its just blind optimism. whatever it is though it helps me put one foot in front of the other. what i learned through all of this is valuing myself and knowing my self worth. i learned how to advocate for myself and not take no for an answer. i learned how strong i am in multiple areas of my life. but i also learned how to accept help and know that i cant do everything by myself. and that doesnt mean that i'm weak.

if anyone reads this i hope that you know its so important to learn to advocate for your wellbeing and dont allow anyone to mistreat you, use you, or demand that you meet their expectations before being treated as a human being. its okay to take a step back and take care of yourself. and when it comes to doctors and medicine, trust. your. body. it knows when something is wrong. doctors are just people and sometimes dont know wtf theyre talking about. they are not all-knowing deities. they dont live in your body. not agreeing with them is not against the law. it is okay to seek out care from someone else. and if you feel stuck with someone who is not listening to you or who doesnt see you as a human being, there are doctors out there that truly love what they do and want to help you. they dont see you as a statistic or a box to check off on a long list of things to do for the day. they truly want to see you thrive and be healthy. sometimes it just takes a little work to find them.

anyways this was much longer than i expected it to be. if you read this far down i am so grateful that you took some time to read this post. it means a lot. and if future me reads this, i hope i've continued to learn how to value myself in all circumstances and not take any of lifes bs.

#gracie’s ramblings #lifes a bitch #personal post #mental health #health #life update

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jschllatt · 3 years

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Could I request prompt 15 for Sapnap pls? :]

-🌾anon

𝐒𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐒 | 𝐬𝐚𝐩𝐧𝐚𝐩

warnings: angst

words: 701

masterlist

600 followers event

tysm for requesting <3

you were drowning.

well—not literally—but the deep ache in your chest paired with an endless stream of tears resembled the overwhelming sensation nonetheless. your heart had seemingly been ripped in two, leaving behind nothing but a hollow shell of emptiness. why? you couldn’t help but ask yourself the same question everyday, numb yet simultaneously in pain as you sat alone in your room. why weren’t you capable of love - giving, receiving, or even attempting it? why were you constantly getting your hopes up just to be let down, left to pick up the pieces of your broken heart all alone? you didn’t know why this was, but you were sure of one thing—you were struggling.

it had been almost a year since you experienced your first heartbreak, though you could remember the day like it was yesterday. you and your boyfriend, sapnap, had been going through a rough patch. his recent fame had led to a busy schedule, one that left him with little time to himself, nevermind to spend with you. because of this, your relationship fell apart. two years of your love had disappeared just like that, leaving your heart crumbling while sapnap quickly moved on. you didn’t blame him, though—you knew how deserving he was of his recent attention and understood how important his job was.

but you were so lonely.

after a few months, you had decided to try again with someone new. your solitude had become unbearable, and you knew that your constant reminiscent thoughts of sapnap weren’t benefiting you whatsoever.

and so, you found someone. and at first, it was great.

he was a good guy, and he always treated you with the utmost kindness and respect. but as time passed, he began to become overwhelmed—you were too broken, too emotionally unavailable, and he felt inadequate. so, he ended things, leaving you even more crushed than ever.

you were drowning.

it had gotten to the point where you were accustomed to the pain, though it still stung nonetheless. you were living a life of pure misery, and one night you had decided you were nearing your breaking point. so, you did the only thing you knew to do: you called sapnap.

his voice was groggy when he answered the phone, and it was then you had realized that it was nearly two a.m. when you heard sapnap mumble tiredly, “hello?” shit. this was a mistake. he doesn’t care about you, not after all of these months.

“i need you.” you whimpered before you could give it a second thought.

it was as if your words had posed as an alarm to sapnap's tired mind, and he sprung awake at your brokenness, already getting out of bed as he assured gently, “okay, i’ll be there, just hang tight.” you mumbled an unsteady ‘okay’ and hung up, curling into yourself with your bottom lip trapped between your teeth. you remained that way until you heard a series of soft knocks on your front door, signalling sapnap's presence. slowly standing up, you were hesitant to unlock the door, worried you had made the wrong decision. deep down you knew you hadn’t, however, and there sapnap stood, hands shoved in his pockets as he waited anxiously on the front porch. the very sight of your previous lover was enough to make you break down, and you let out a broken sob.

“oh, baby.” sapnap murmured sadly, rushing inside to embrace you. his grip on you was firm, yet gentle, and you collapsed into his arms, nearly causing him to fall over. he slowly lowered the two of you to the floor, tugging you onto his lap so you could cry into his chest. “shh, baby, it’s okay.” sapnap assured as you continued to whimper, each pained cry like a punch to his gut. your brokenness evoked a deeper level of hurt within sapnap than he had ever experienced, and the feeling was heart wrenching.

“i-i didn’t think you’d come.” you were finally able to admit once your sobs died down. sapnap brushed a piece of hair out of your damp face, looking down at you with a sad smile as he assured, “i’ll always look out for you.”

and that’s what he did.

tags: @ialexabsuniverse @esylwen @quack42069 @mayberii @dreamiewrites @moonamor @kalliblast @forbidden-sin-bin

#sapnap imagine #sapnap x reader #mcyt imagine #mcyt x reader #mcyt comfort #sapnap angst #jschllatt's 600 followers event

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the-cult-of-russo · 3 years

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Biggest regret (part 3)

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

A/N: So many of you guys love this story and I love it. Thank you guys 😊

So this one really went off on a tangent and it's longer than I thought. But I didn't wanna rush this and I'm enjoying this story. So he doesn't meet his kid yet, that's in the next part that I'm writing right now. Then there will be another part that I've got in mind too.

Warnings: cursing, angst, sadness, fluff kinda, emotional Billy.

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Delilah cooed happily where she was perched in a little rocker seat. It was vibrant pinks and yellows with a bar along the top and little stuffed animal shapes dangling off it that she swatted with her chubby hands.

You were cleaning. Stress cleaning to be precise. Ever since you got that letter from Billy you'd felt out of sorts. You really hadn't expected it. You'd spent the better half of the start of your pregnancy thinking he'd come to his senses. That he'd turn up and say sorry or even call or text. But by the end of the pregnancy you realised you'd asked too much of him. That maybe you didn't know him as well as you thought.

It had been a bitter pill to swallow having him just walk out of your lives like that. Your pregnancy hadn't been easy by any means and that only made it harder. You had no family, no real friends. You'd been completely alone. Every time you ended up at hospital the nurses took pity on you. Seeing you so sick with no visitors or help. It had been hard.

Since Delilah could return home, one of your neighbours in your complex had taken to helping you. Louise was a woman in her 60s and before now you'd only ever seen her in passing with a murmured hello. But seeing you struggle as a single mother, she'd taken you under her wing and helped you immensely.

You had to work from home since you had the baby. The time off with unpaid maternity leave when she was born and was sick had set you back quite a bit and now you were struggling. You'd had to leave your job since there was no way you could do it from home and you didn't have child care or the money to do it. And honestly, after having Delilah, the overwhelming urge to keep her safe was shocking. You didn't really want to leave her with someone you didn't know. It had been hard for you to agree to it with Louise who would occasionally have her for an hour or two so you could catch a break. And she was literally only next door which eased your mind a little.

Now you were doing proofreading and transcription work from home and it didn't exactly pay great. You got by though and you made do with what you had. You just didn't expect things to go this way. You still remember when you found out you were pregnant and told Billy. It had been a huge shock to you and despite the nagging feeling that this was how it would end, you stupidly hoped it would be different.

You sat on the bed, the test in your hands as the two pink lines glared at you. You were pregnant. You had a baby in your belly. You felt like you couldn't breathe. You and Billy weren't even super serious. There were feelings involved but neither of you mentioned it. Opting instead to pretend they weren't there. You were scared if you told him you loved him that he'd run for the hills and he was scared of feeling anything at all.

You'd been 'together' for nearly two years. You weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend, there were no labels slapped on you both. But everyone knew you were his and he was yours and it worked just fine. But now there was a baby. Now things got serious way quicker than you expected and you were terrified.

You weren't ready to be a mom. You'd never put much thought into having kids and you didn't know how to be a mother. You'd have a tiny human that depended on you to keep them safe and loved. How the fuck would you manage that? And then there was Billy. You'd have to tell him and you felt sick with worry about how he would react.

You knew about his childhood, you knew pretty much everything about each other. He'd never known love as a child and you hoped that would mean it would force him to want to be there and be a good dad. But you knew him well enough to have the worry that it would have the opposite effect and he'd freak out.

He'd been at work and you'd been at his place. You didn't live with him, you still had your own place. But you stayed there most nights or he would be at yours. You never spent a night away from each other.

You heard the front door open and close and you felt a wave of dread settle over you. Like an ice cold blanket snaking around your entire body as it squeezed. You had to tell him. You had to hope he would be okay with this. You knew you'd keep the baby regardless. Despite only knowing for literal minutes, you cared about this baby. This baby was a piece of you and a piece of Billy. There was no way you couldn't keep them.

"Hey, sweetheart! I'm home!" You heard him call from the living room. You swallowed thickly as you stood on shaky legs, stuffing the test in the pocket of your hoodie. You made your way to the living room as he shucked off his jacket. He looked handsome as always and he flashed you a warm smile when he saw you. But it fell when he took in your anxiety induced state.

"What's wrong?" He asked carefully, black eyes scanning over you like he was checking if you were hurt. Your throat tightened as you felt your eyes prickle and you willed the tears away.

"Uh… you should sit down. We need to talk," you murmured softly. He frowned, tilting his head as he regarded you.

"Sounds ominous," he replied dryly. He complied though and moved to sit on the sofa. You opted to stay standing near the coffee table.

Your whole body felt like it was shaking and you felt in your bones that this was the moment where everything would change. Either for better or worse, but change was coming and it hurt your heart. You needed to just tell him, get it over with. You inhaled a shaky breath as you looked at him. His face was etched in concern and he was patient with you, watching all the emotions pass over your face.

"I'm pregnant," you blurted, grabbing the test from your pocket and handing it to him. His eyes almost popped out of his head and he grabbed the test, staring at it. You couldn't get a good read on his face other than the surprise and you didn't like that. He was staring at it hard and you knew he was deep in thought. That cold dread came back and sunk its claws into you.

Suddenly, he tossed the test on the coffee table, springing out of his seat and moving around to the back of the couch like he wanted to get far away from you.

"No," he frowned. You blinked dumbly at him for a moment as your eyes burned.

"No?" You asked softly. His dark eyes pinned you in place then. For a brief moment you saw utter pain and complete panic, eyes glassy with unshed tears. But then all emotion left his face, left his eyes, and it felt like a punch to the gut. You'd seen that look on his face before but never directed at you.

"I'm not… I can't do this. I don't want a kid," he said coldly. The lump in your throat got bigger as you nodded. What else could you say? You could cry and scream and fight but what was the use? Part of you expected this although you hoped for something else. You couldn't force him to stick around. If he wanted out then you had no choice but to let him.

You felt tears slip down your face as you glared at the floor, lower lip quivering. You couldn't look at him. The pain you felt was unbearable. Pain for yourself for losing him, pain at how cold he was being, and pain for your baby for having a dad that didn't want them. Did Billy even realise he was continuing the cycle of his own upbringing?

You felt his eyes burning into you but you couldn't look. You had so many things you wanted to say but they all caught on the lump in your throat. Without a word, he grabbed his jacket and left, slamming his door behind him so loud you jumped. You sobbed then, moving to curl up on the sofa as you let it all out. He was gone. You'd have to do this all alone and you missed him already despite him leaving you like this.

You were unsure of how long you lay on his sofa sobbing your heart out until your phone chimed with a message. Stupidly you thought it was Billy saying sorry. It was Billy, but he definitely wasn't apologising.

'I'll be back in two hours. Pack all your shit and be gone before I get home. Don't contact me again.'

You felt a surge of anger and bitterness seep into you then. You thought he'd cared. Never had he told you how he felt about you but he acted like he cared. Introduced you to the Castle's, his family. But clearly you were wrong. His message was loud and clear. You didn't respond, there was no need. He wanted to never hear from you again and that was fine. You packed anything of yours and left within an hour, your heart heavy with pain, hurt and anger.

When you got his letter, at first you were angry. You wanted to be petty. Wanted to ignore it or send him one back telling him to go fuck himself. But you'd looked at your daughter then with her sweet smile and her dad's eyes and you couldn't. Because despite what he'd done, she deserved her dad.

You hadn't responded to the letter right away. Two weeks you kept reading it and coming to terms with all the emotions it brought you. You knew you still cared about him even after what he'd done. You couldn't help it. But his letter sounded so sincere and the self loathing in his words tugged at your heart. He'd fucked up big time, but he was trying to fix it. Billy was a proud man and you knew it took him a lot to reach out to you. You wanted Delilah to get to know her dad and wanted her to have a relationship with him.

You had a lot to work through and you and Billy would need some serious talks to be able to co-parent properly, but you'd do it for Delilah. There wasn't a thing in the world you wouldn't do for that girl.

So you'd replied and now you've been waiting for his call. You were full of nerves and you could taste the emotions lingering from the day he left in the back of your throat. You felt like you were in some kind of limbo.

After stress cleaning for a bit and looking after Delilah, you sat on the sofa with the TV on low as she snoozed in her little seat. You felt lucky she was such a chill baby. The pregnancy and birth had been harder to deal with and you thought having her would be difficult but it hadn't been that hard for you. Louise kept telling you that you had natural maternal instincts and that you'd picked it up easily.

You tried to pay attention to the screen when your phone buzzed from your pocket. Your heart skipped a beat as you got it out. It was a number you didn't recognise and your breath started coming in shorter because you knew just who it would be.

"Hello?" Your voice shook a little as you answered and you heard a soft sigh on the other end.

"Hey, Y/N, it's Billy," his voice was smooth like always but it sounded off. A little raw.

"You got my letter then," you murmured. You rolled your eyes at yourself for stating the obvious but you didn't know what else to say. Never had it been so stilted and awkward to talk to Billy.

"Yeah… and I know you asked me to really think about it, so I did. And I wanna be there. I'd like to… I'd like to meet her if I can," he sounded apprehensive and you wondered if he thought that you'd reject him even after telling him in the letter you wanted them to meet.

"Okay… I'd like to meet up with you first. We have a lot to talk about that needs dealing with before you meet her," you said firmly. This you wouldn't budge on. There was a lot of unresolved tension and feelings around you both and one quick meeting with him wouldn't fix that, but you wanted to clear some air before he came to meet Delilah so it wasn't completely tense. You also wanted to make sure he really was 100% with this or you wouldn't allow it to happen. You wouldn't let her get hurt.

"Yeah, I'll do… anything you need. Whatever you want," he answered quickly. You nodded even though he couldn't see it, happy that he wasn't fighting you on it. He seemed like he genuinely wanted to take this seriously which was good.

"Right… uh… I can… I can meet you today. The diner down the street from my place? About 6pm?" You asked softly. You heard him sniffle a bit down the phone and you started to wonder if he'd come up with an excuse about work. You knew he worked late a lot.

"Yeah, that's fine. I'll be there," he said resolutely. This was a good start already.

"I'll see you then, bye Billy," you murmured.

"Bye, Y/N," he replied softly. You hung up and blew out a breath, your shaking hands gripping your phone. You hadn't heard his voice in over a year and it had your heart hammering away against your ribcage. You still loved him but the love was tainted with pain and betrayal. You'd have to stuff it down for the sake of your daughter.

You didn't bother to change out of your jeans, boots, tee and hoodie and after asking Louise if she could look after Delilah for a bit, you set off out. You'd told Louise everything. She already knew what happened with Billy and you'd even let her read his letter. While she wasn't happy he'd walked away in the first place, she was happy he was trying to step up now. You were glad she was supporting you with this.

You got to the diner five minutes early and fully expected to have to wait. But when you got inside, Billy was already sitting in a booth. He looked shit scared and his fingers drummed on the table restlessly. As you approached, his head snapped up. So many emotions crossed his face as he looked at you that you couldn't keep up with them. But when it settled on heartbreak you felt your own squeeze painfully in your chest.

He stood up as you got to the table and there was an awkward moment where you both looked at each other. He looked tired. He had dark rings around his eyes and his usually perfect hair was a little dishevelled. He had on casual clothes and his leather jacket. He took a step closer like he was going to hug you and you stepped back without thinking. His face fell a little and he nodded, the movement stiff but he seemed to understand you weren't ready for it.

He moved to sit down and you sat opposite him. It was so tense you could cut the air with a knife and you didn't even know where to start. The waitress came over then and gave you both a bright smile and you both ordered coffee. Once she was gone the tense atmosphere was back.

"I'm sorry," Billy muttered brokenly. Your eyes looked up at him then and he was staring at you with shiny eyes. Your throat constricted and you cleared it.

"Billy-" you started with a frown. He cut you off though.

"I know… I know I'm the biggest asshole out there. I don't deserve you sittin' here or givin' me a chance. But I want you to know that… I thought about you and the baby… Delilah… every damn day. And I-I hated myself for walkin' away. And I can't take back what did, but I can be better. I want to be better. And I'm sorry I hurt you and I'm sorry I left. But I'm serious when I say I wanna be here. You said I'm in or out and I want in. And I swear, I fuckin' swear that I'll prove to you I'm a better man," he said imploringly, leaning his forearms on the table as he watched you.

You blinked at him, collecting your emotions as the waitress came over with the coffees. She didn't linger, sensing the heaviness of whatever was happening in your booth.

"I'm glad you're here, Billy. And it's gonna take work for us to… to be okay around each other. But Delilah is the focus here and you deserve to have a relationship with her. You're her dad," you said softly. He sneered, not at you but himself, as he shook his head.

"No… no I'm not. I haven't been there. Sure she's mine, my DNA, my blood, but… I walked out. I left you, I left her and you both needed me. I'm not a dad, not yet. But I'll do whatever it takes to show you I'm worthy of bein' her dad," his voice shook yet was also firm and you knew in your heart he meant his words. It settled you a bit to know he really was serious about this.

"I'll be honest… part of me expected to come here and you wouldn't be ready. That you were talking shit for whatever reason. But I believe you. I wish it hadn't taken this long but I'm glad you're here now, Billy. It's been… so fucking hard doing this alone," your hands were around your cup and you stared at them as you spoke, your voice quiet among the light buzz in the diner.

You heard his breathing hitch and looked at him again. His fists were clenched and his head was lowered which made it hard to read his face. His whole body was tense and you were about to open your mouth to ask if he was okay when you noticed his shoulders shaking slightly. Oh.

He sucked in a breath as a broken sob left his lips and it ripped a hole right through your chest. Now matter what he'd done, seeing him this way was jarring. You'd seen many sides to Mr Billy Russo and you'd even seen him cry before. But he looked so worn down and broken and it hurt you even if it was his own fault.

His elbows resting on the table, he brought his hands up and rested his head on them as he openly sobbed. You never thought you'd see the day that Lieutenant Russo cried in a public space but he seemed beyond caring.

You swallowed the lump in your throat as you stood and moved to his side. You slid into the booth next to him as your own eyes welled up and you reached out a shaky hand to stroke the back of his neck. He tensed at first like he hadn't even noticed you'd moved which was startling given how perceptive he was about everything around him. But then he relaxed and moved his face from his hands and turned to look at you. Tears were streaming down his face and he looked younger and vulnerable.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and he didn't hesitate to bury his face in your neck as his own arms held you tightly. You stroked his hair softly, trying to soothe him a little. You couldn't help it. Maybe it was that maternal instinct that always hated when someone was upset around you or maybe it was just the fact that no matter what happened, you did still care.

"It's okay, Billy," you whispered through your own tears. He shook his head where it was still pressed against your now damp neck.

"No it's not. I fucked up. I shoulda been there," his voice was muffled and broken with his soft sobs that were slowly easing and you held him a little tighter.

"You did fuck up but you're here now and that's what matters," you murmured. You pulled away and he let you go reluctantly as he sniffled and looked down. You reached up and wiped his cheeks with your hoodie sleeves and then he looked at you.

"We can't change the past, Billy. Yeah, you messed up, and yeah it hurt me. But you already missed out on so much and that's a punishment in itself. Things aren't gonna be easy and it'll take time for us to heal, but you're here now and Delilah needs you. That's what matters," you uttered, hands falling from his face.

He sniffled again as he nodded, his obsidian gaze searching your face like he was looking for something.

"I don't… I don't have the words because thank you doesn't even come close. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve you helpin' me out and I don't deserve Delilah. I didn't really think I'd hear from you and now here you are, fuckin' comforting me in a diner when it should be the other way around," he lamented with a frown.

"I don't like seeing you cry," you shrugged with a weak smile as your hands toyed with the sleeves of your hoodie. He gave you a small smile back as he nodded. A silence settled over you both then and it was slightly awkward. You knew he was probably embarrassed and also still beating himself up. Once upon a time you'd be glad to know how hard he was being on himself over this. But seeing him like this was painful.

There were still a lot of things to sort through with the pair of you but they weren't the priority. The first and most important thing was him establishing a relationship with his daughter. You figured in time things would get easier with him and he seemed dead set on being here now. And you could see the genuine remorse for walking away so you knew he was serious.

"I should go. But uh…" you murmured as you stood from the booth, Billy following suit.

"You can… you can meet her tomorrow if you'd like? I could… I don't know, make dinner for us all? You could come by my place and meet her before dinner?" You suggested, voice laced with uncertainty. His face lit up then even with his slightly damp cheeks and shiny eyes. His smile was bright even if it was hesitant.

"I'd really like that," he nodded as he gazed down at you.

"Okay… good. Uh… come by around 5?" It still felt awkward between you and you hated it. It used to be so easy between the two of you.

"I will… thank you, Y/N," he murmured sincerely. You nodded and gave him a little smile. He stepped forward and this time you didn't step back. The hug didn't last long but it took you back to a time when things were good with the pair of you. Where you felt safe in his strong arms surrounded by his calming scent. It sent a pang through your chest. You hugged him back before he moved away and you gave him another nod before you left.

By the time you were walking in your complex you had tears down your cheeks. It had been hard to see him after everything. Hard to see him such a mess too. You had that feeling, the same one you did the day you found out you were pregnant. That things were changing, this was a turning point. Only this time it was a good one.

It was hard to wrap your head around after all this time that he'd be there. Of course there would be a period of adjustment where he got to know his daughter, but eventually he'd be parenting just like you. It was a strange feeling to comprehend that you wouldn't be alone in this anymore.

Seeing him and speaking to him, it had eased some of the bitterness that you'd held for him. Not completely but quite a bit. You couldn't hold onto the anger and pain of the past, not when Delilah needed this. You'd never be able to go back and redo how things happened but you could close that chapter and start a new one. One where Billy was actually around and your daughter had a dad. Despite the nerves for the dinner the next day, you were also a little excited and hopeful.

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #the punisher #billy russo imagine

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tinyjeanmarco · 3 years

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modern marco relationship hc’s!

note: gosh, it took me forever to get around to writing these, LOL. my user literally has marco’s name in it but i haven’t written anything about him yet. these are modern so that my boy isn’t dead. (✿◡‿◡) i hope you enjoy! ♡

marco x gn!reader

warnings: none.

marco is the adorable, soft, boy next door type of guy. the “yes sir, i will have them back home by nine!” kind of boy.

you started dating him in your senior year of high school after jean introduced him to you.

marco had moved recently into the area, and was the new kid at your school. he was super charming and a lot of people had a crush on him when they first met him, regardless of how nerdy he was.

while he was charming and outgoing, he was also pretty shy which made him more appealing.

after you had seen him around the school for the first few times, jean introduced you two, saying that he and marco had gotten along immediately after meeting, and he wanted you to get to know him as well.

after a few weeks of hanging out with marco and getting closer and closer to him.

he had begun to develop a crush on you, so he decided that he would just go for it and ask you out, to which you readily agreed.

marco and you had continued dating after graduating and even went to the same uni, getting your own apartment together after your first year.

again, marco is the softest boy ever. he is absolutely adorable and will treat you like royalty.

he’s an absolute mama’s boy, too, and she taught him to treat everyone he loves with compassion, hence why he treats you so well.

he has a tendency to buy you things that remind him of you. he’ll be out shopping and see some cute stuffed animal and be like, “this reminds me of (y/n)! i have to get it for them.”

he will always greet you with a hug and a kiss when he comes home, or when you come home.

he loves showing affection to you in any way possible, and will always try to tell you how much he loves you.

he gets unbearably shy and soft when he tells you he loves you, blush covering his freckled cheeks. sometimes he tumbles over his words and gets more nervous.

he’s just SO SMITTEN, you make this tiny boy nervous!

you just return his words of endearment and press soft kisses to his face.

marco is the type of boyfie who will call you like really domestic, married couple kinds of pet names. expect a honey, darling, or sweetheart all the time.

marco would also be super into like matching couple looks. he finds it super cute and sweet to wear the same clothes and hold hands in public.

speaking of holding hands? never even try to let go of his hand when he’s holding yours. he will be so pouty and not stop dramatically sighing until you hold his hand again.

will be all smiles and sunshine when you’ve got your hands entwined though!

it’s so comforting and reassuring to him when he has you close, holding his hand.

marco will always kiss you on the top of your head or on your forehead.

as he is ever the gentleman, he will also kiss your knuckles all the time. he loves how romantic and special it feels because no one really does that.

also loves pulling out your chair for you and pushing you in when you go out to eat somewhere!

i personally hc marco as a music major of some sort. i think music therapy would be suiting for him, tbh, so i hc him as a music therapy major.

he just looks like he would be a good singer, and good with music, okay?

i think he would be pretty good at singing, and also would play a few instruments.

he would definitely play the guitar and piano. for fun, he picked up the ocarina and he has a ukulele for the hell of it.

when you’re struggling to fall asleep, he will sing to you and you’ll be asleep almost instantly.

he sometimes writes little songs for you on the guitar or piano that he’ll play for you. if he’s feeling cheeky, he’ll write something silly on the uke and play that for you instead.

the ocarina was honestly a joke at first. jean got him into the legend of zelda games and he’s like “hmm i bet i could learn to play one of those...”

so he ORDERED ONE and then wouldn’t stop playing it? so while it’s not horribly complicated, he picked it up extremely quickly and is very good at it.

fun for times where you go on little adventures or walks in wooded areas and he takes an ocarina he has on a necklace so that he can play you some impromptu tunes on it while you guys relax.

he would also love to teach you how to play any instrument if you were to ask him.

he gets so excited about it, ready to put together full on lessons in order to teach you.

just imagine him sitting down on the piano bench next to you, softly telling you where to put your hands, explaining the keys and being so GENTLE when you mess up.

“remember your hand placements, babe!” and he smiles all cute.

back to the music therapy though, he would try to use that when you’re feeling sad and down.

he would be the best boyfriend when you’re upset, albeit a little annoying, but very good to you.

he would always be helicoptering, unintentionally giving you no space if you needed it.

please don’t yell at him for it though, he’s trying his best to make you feel better and genuinely doesn’t know better. he might cry if you get angry with him. just ask him kindly for time alone.

but when you are not in need of alone time, he will try to help the sadness go away.

whips out some of his music therapy knowledge.

he will sit down with you, talking to you about music that makes you happy and sad, making you think about why that is, and then make a playlist of music that inspires happiness.*

outside off all his music therapy techniques, he will be someone you can lean on and just vent to, letting out all your feelings to him.

he tries his best to be a strong pillar of support for you to lean on.

now, when marco is stressed out, he tends to not notice and needs you to pull him aside to take care of him.

he always overworks himself and just,, doesn’t stop. please pry him away from his work so that he can eat properly and get hydrated.

also give him head scratches when he’s stressed, he will turn into putty. the gently scratching on his scalp almost forces his eyes closed with how good it feels.

nap time with marco is so fun, he likes mountains of blankets covering you two with your bodies entwined beneath them.

cuddling is also so fun because he likes when you guys just like, lay on top of each other.

when you cuddle, he likes holding your hands and pressing kisses to anywhere he can reach on you.

ahhh, kissing him is so sweet, he would never kiss you or even make out with intentions of going beyond just kissing.

his hands always stay above the belt, and he’s honestly so shy and afraid of touching you too intimately.

if you want him to have his hand on your thigh? you’re gonna have to tell him you like that and that you want him to do it more, otherwise he will refrain from doing so.

“marco, you know you can like, put your hands on my hips and thighs, right?” and BLESS this boy, his cheeks would heat up, freckles floating in a sea of pink as he averts his gaze from yours, all shy.

“but i, i just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or make you feel obligated to do anything.” the literal embodiment of 👉👈.

on the topic of shy, respectful marco, he would ALWAYS ask for a kiss, even after like dating for five years or even being married. he just wants to be sure that you want it!

he would never want you to feel as if he’s forcing himself on you.

marco also gets really awkward and flustered when flirting with you.

if you sit on his lap, it’s his favorite thing. he goes as red as a tomato, but he loves the closeness of the gesture.

same goes for if you pull him onto your lap. the baby will be so, SO flustered, but love every second of it.

he’s the type to nuzzle his face into the crook of your neck while cuddling, or the back of your neck when spooning and he’s the big spoon.

overall, marco is the bestest boyfie, always making sure you’re comfortable and feeling loved. please return the gesture and make sure he feels loved! ♡

* - this is something that someone i know has personally experienced with music therapy!

#marco x reader #marco bott x reader #marco bodt x reader #marco fluff #marco bott fluff #marco bodt fluff #marco headcanons #marco bott headcanons #marco bodt headcanons #marco aot #marco snk #marco bott snk #marco bott aot #marco bodt aot #marco bodt snk

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giorno-plays-piano · 4 years

Note

I LIVE for your exophilia Bucky and Steve fics, Drider/spider Bucky is my LIFE, if you could do centaur, naga or mermaid, please. I just love this so much!

Okay, it was supposed to be a short request, but it had somehow evolved into a oneshot. Thank you for this awesome idea!

Blood in the water

Pairing: merman!Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, attempted kidnapping, non-grapic depiction of violence.

Words: 2125.

_________________

You had never truly believed in the existence of fantastic creatures despite all those rumors about mermaids living in the Triskelion sea. Sure, at some point people thought they shared the Earth with centaurs, sirens, griffons, and all those divine beasts, but you lived in the era of rapid scientific progress, Internet, and space-based technologies. No one in the right state of mind believed in fairies and unicorns.

However, you did like this little town: there was something charming in its narrow streets and a hundred years old buildings, lovely hydrangeas in flowerpots standing outside of the houses and small family cafes here and there. It was a nice place to have a vacation, especially after a crazy year in a big city where streets were always full of people, regardless of time.

You rented a nice little cottage close to the seashore for a month and were now enjoying your morning coffee, sitting on a wide wooden windowsill. The sun was barely up, and you smiled, wrapping a blanket around your bare shoulders. It was such a beautiful morning when the sky was a lovely shade of pink, the sea so unusually quiet. There definitely was something magical in it.

Watching the sea with your window open, you inhaled its smell deeply, closing your eyes. When you opened them in a second, you suddenly saw something glowing far away from you, on a small rock surrounded by water. Your eyes grew wide - it was not something, it was someone. It was a living being. You just saw its enormously huge scaly tail when the creature slipped back into the sea as if it knew you were watching it.

Oh dear.

You immediately left your half-emptied cup on the windowsill and jumped down, hurrying to the door while keeping the blanket wrapped around your shoulders. What was that? How huge was that fish? What could it even be? All those questions were making you speed up, and you rushed to the small pier right next to your cottage, hoping to catch a glimpse of the mysterious creature again.

But once you were standing on the wooden boards barefoot, shivering from the sudden cool sea breeze, the waters were quiet just like before, not a sound coming from that direction. The creature had disappeared as fast as it emerged, and you were staring at the dark waters again, thinking of whether you saw that enormous fish at all or was it some trick of the light. Maybe you really watched too many fantasy movies on Netflix yesterday. Smiling at the though, you fixed the blanket, covering yourself some more, and inhaled the cool morning air deeply. Whether or not there was a huge fish, it wasn’t really important. You didn’t know how to swim anyway and wouldn’t get into the water far.

When you went to the town to have lunch, you did ask the elderly lady serving customers whether there was some peculiar type of marine animal living in the waters of Triskelion sea, but she just smiled at you and asked you not to come too close to the shore at night.

“It’s not good you live so far from the town,” she said quickly before moving to the other table, gathering empty dishes.

Did she mean it was unsafe to be out of the house at night? Was there like a gang gathering close to the sea or something? You nervously nodded to her, growing a bit concerned. Your landlord didn’t tell you anything about that.

Well, in case of emergency you could barricade the door and call 911. The phone worked perfectly, you thought while walking the streets, buying nice little souvenirs for your friends and colleagues. You actually bought a baseball bat just in case.

Hurrying home before it got dark, you clenched the big bag with a takeout. You asked the girl behind the counter about being on the shore at night, and she confirmed it wasn’t wise. Unfortunately, she didn’t specify, and you thought that speaking of that gang aloud wasn’t appropriate. The girl was probably scared.

Damn, and there you thought it was a perfect quiet place, ideal for a lonely young woman. Was it really better to leave before you got into any real trouble?

Locking the door and closing the windows, you huffed, irritated neither the agency nor your landlord mentioned this to you. It was unfair and even illegal to do business like that. Thinking whether to call your friends to ask for an advice, you sat in the kitchen, unpacking the amazing carbonara that was still warm and smelled heavenly. Well, it least the cafes here were absolutely awesome.

Once you finished your meal and were drinking tea with milk, still sitting in the kitchen - now you were a little afraid of sitting on the windowsill with an open window where anyone could see you - you suddenly heard some noise from the outside. It was a loud sound of fins crushing the water surface. Was it that odd giant fish again? Still, you were aware of danger of being outside late in the evening, so you simply stayed inside the house.

But then you heard someone screaming.

“Please, help!” The voice was pleading, and you stood up quickly, grabbing your bat. “HELP!”

The next moment you were running to the sea shore with a life preserver in one hand and a bat in the other. Someone was drowning in the sea, and you couldn’t fucking swim. Blood rushed to your head when you saw a man tangled in a large fishing net attached to the pierce, and you immediately run to him, dropping to your knees.

“Please! I can’t-” He was fighting the ties binding him, almost screaming in hysterics when you approached him. “I can’t breathe! HELP!”

In complete darkness when the only source of light was the moon shining high up into the sky, you were struggling to see how the man literally wrapped in the net, striking about in the water like a stranded fish. When you got close, throwing your hands to the stranger, he jumped at you right away, leaning closer and trying to climb to the pier. He almost made you fall into the water, but you managed to grab wooden pole with one hand and stand on your knees.

“I’m here! Wait, wait!” You were hurriedly grasping the net, seeing literally nothing in the dark. “I’ll help!”

You could hear the stranger crying, his huge figure shaking terribly, and rushed to tug on the ties, desperately trying to untangle him. You spent a few minutes like that before you had finally freed him, pulling the net up and throwing it on a wooden boards - it was so big you could literally cover the whole pier with it. How did it end up here?

Deadly tired from all the pulling, you gave the stranger your hand again to drag him to the pier, but suddenly he moved away from your arm. He was neither crying not screaming anymore, strangely silent, and you stared at his handsome face, still red from tears. How come? He was able to swim, wasn’t he? Breathing hard from all the struggle, you blinked, wiping the sweat from your forehead.

“Thank you,” the man finally said, coming closer again, and you realized there was something huge in the water right beneath him - you saw an enormous scale tail gleaming in the sea when the moonlight illuminated the waters.

It wasn’t some fish. It was the man’s tail. You saw the scales covering his hips when he got up, getting on the pier where you sat. Instinctively, you crawled back, both charmed and horrified with what you were seeing.

Dear god, he was a merman.

While you stared at him, opening your mouth as if it were you who was suffocating, the man smiled widely, watching you gawk at him. He wasn’t concerned at all, flashing his tail carelessly. “Thank you for saving me, human woman. You are truly fearless.”

Well, you weren’t so sure anymore, gazing at the unbearably handsome merman whose voice was so deep and silky it could drive any girl crazy. You were still scared of him though, knowing little whether he wanted to thank or hurt you - you even read some tales where mermaids were eager to eat sailors if they stumbled upon them in the sea.

But he looked so magnificent. His clear blue eyes were shining bright in the darkness, cheeks a lovely shade of pink, hair like a pure gold in the moonlight. His shoulders were wide, and you could see he was athletically built with his tufty, solid arms. Besides, how could a man with a smile as kind as his be a threat to you, the one who had saved him from the net? Reluctantly at first, you slowly got closer to him, watching his cheerful face. He was happy you weren’t afraid of him.

“What is your name?” He asked, suddenly getting closer so you ended up nose to nose with him.

The merman smelled like salt and seaweed, and when he wrapped his long fingers around your wrist, you whispered nervously, “Y/N.”

“I am Steven.” He grinned at you, rubbing the tip of your nose with his wet one. “I will be forever in your debt.”

“B-but how did you end up in the net? I’ve never heard of people fishing here.” You mumbled, your face flooding with embarrassment at being so close to the handsome stranger.

“Oh, they don’t fish. They try to catch us, the merfolk.”

His gaze turned sad as he touched your cheek with his nose and backed away, getting into water again while you crawled closer to him. So, that was it. That’s why they didn’t want you on the shore late in the evening - they were starting the mermaids hunt. God, how could they? Why did they try to harm these gorgeous creatures, unmistakably as intelligent as people were?

You felt sorry for the man, bending over to him as he stared into your face, still smiling. Gently cupping your cheeks with his wet palms, he rose up to give you a quick peck on the lips, apparently, having very little shame to do it to someone he only met a couple of minutes ago. Feeling terribly embarrassed, you thought that maybe it was merfolk’s way to thank someone and just nodded.

“Are you going to be okay, Steven?” You asked him, barely realizing you were leaning closer and closer to him while he kept getting down in the water.

“Yes.” He answered barely audible, kissing you again while gently touching your hair. “Come closer, love.”

You went even deeper, enchanted by his lovely voice.

“Closer.”

You didn’t realize the merman was luring you into the water until he pulled your face down, and your head ended up in the sea. As you opened your mouth, the water rushed inside it, and you were quickly becoming suffocated. But was scaring you more than drowning was the face of the most handsome man you had ever seen - the sclera became dark, making his eyes looking extraterrestrial, frightening. The next second you saw Steve opening his toothy mouth, and the world turned pitch black.

The pain shooting through your neck made you scream, gulping down salty sea water, and you fell down from the pier completely. You couldn’t breathe, kicking and fighting and struggling in merman’s arms until he let go of you, and you immediately grabbed the life preserver that fell into the water along with you. Keeping kicking furiously to keep Steve away, you clenched the wooden pole.

You didn’t know how you managed to pull up, getting back to the pier while merman was hissing something behind your back, trying to get closer to you. Despite you had no strength left, you were crawling to the shore on your knees, crying from the pain - blood was still seeping from your neck.

“You can’t get away from me!” Steve grinned wickedly, shouting to you. “I’ve marked you, love! You won’t have a mate other than me!”

Deaf to his shouts, you kept crawling until you felt the ground beneath your palms.

What did you know about the merfolk living in the Triskelion sea? Why didn’t you think it was them who were hunting people, luring innocent souls into the water with their pleas and crying? Of course, you didn’t know it was the mating season, and the mark Steve left on your neck would never fade away, scarring your gentle skin.

Why didn’t you leave the town, knowing you were in danger? Now you were bound to him, the cold, merciless creature who would stop at nothing to have you.

_______________________

Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki @helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @hurricanerin @void-hoechlin @abyssaint @heeeyitskay @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @navegandoaciegas @rosalynshields @brattycherubwrites @sllooney @angrythingstarlight @lovelydarkdaydream @soleil-dor @lookiamtrying @buckysbunny

#steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve x reader #dark steve rogers x reader #dark steve rogers #captain america #requests #yandere

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farfromtommy · 4 years

Text

all too well (tom holland x singer!reader)

request: So let’s pretended the song isn’t about Jake, but could you write something where the reader is a singer and he broke up with her resulting in her writing All Too well then she has to perform it on graham norton the same day he and his family are there (she had a close relationship with them)? thank you Also forgot to add in the singer!reader request that after the break up she moved away from London and cut her hair short

a/n: so yes this is my first attempt at an angsty piece and oh my god i’m literally a mess. thank you anon for such a creative request i loved writing this even though it tore my soul apart. this is based off of the song all too well by taylor swift

warnings: language, sadness, heartbreak, sad memories, small description of arguing

word count: 1,400

masterlist social media au masterlist taglist

PART 2

“Before we end tonight's show I’d like to introduce to you to someone on the rise, topping charts all across the world. Here to perform her new song All Too Well for the very first time, Y/N Y/L/N!!!” Graham introduced.

I walked through the door with you, the air was cold But something 'bout it felt like home somehow and I Left my scarf there at your brother's house And you still got it in your drawer even now

Tom was sitting on the infamous red sofa watching you in all your glory. His heart dropped the instant your name left Graham’s mouth. He didn’t know you were going to be here tonight. He wondered if you knew he was here, that his brothers were here, that his parents were here.

Oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze We're singing in the car, getting lost upstate Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place And I can picture it after all these days

You looked different. Sporting a new haircut that you had always talked about getting, but never brave enough to do while you were with him. The lights around the main stage had dimmed and the cameras were on you, so he frantically darted his eyes around trying to find the gaze of his family. He was met with the nervous glances of his brothers and the worry in his mum’s eyes.

And I know it's long gone and That magic's not here no more And I might be okay But I'm not fine at all Oh, oh, oh

No one but your families and a few close friends knew about your relationship. Both of you on the rise in your career fields respectively. You dated for almost 2 years before it all crashed down. Neither of you sure what went wrong at the end. Whatever did happen broke the two of you in ways that could never be fixed.

'there we are again on that little town street You almost ran the red 'cause you were looking over me Wind in my hair, I was there, I remember it all too well

You didn’t know he was here until you saw him from the stage as you walked up to the mic. You thought that the head of unruly curls you saw backstage looked familiar, they belonged to Harry. You could feel the ache in your chest rise again when you spotted the rest of his family in the front row. Memories of the past flooded your brain as you saw them staring right back at you.

Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-size bed And your mother's telling stories 'bout you on a tee ball team You tell me 'bout your past, thinking your future was me

You moved away after the split. Work had you based in London, which is how you met the curly-haired Brit. The time spent with Tom was the best in your life. He was going to marry you, build a family with you. The nights you had together were spent wrapped up in each other and talking about what was next. The pain of thinking about that future with anyone else but him angered you. It wasn’t fair that he got to take that from you. The anger and pain landed you in California, far away from everything you left behind.

And I know it's long gone and There was nothing else I could do And I forget about you long enough To forget why I needed to

Your unbearable heartbreak fueled creativity as you poured your feelings into writing. Your agent had given you the time to yourself. You gave her a vague reason for getting as far away from London as possible, just saying there was nothing left for you there and you needed to find out who you were somewhere else.

'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night We dance around the kitchen in the refrigerator light Down the stairs, I was there, I remember it all too well, yeah

Tom ran, too. He couldn’t bear to stay in the room you two had frequently shared. He couldn’t stand seeing little bits and pieces of you wherever he went. Your shampoo in his shower, your blanket on the couch in his parent's house, your mug in the cupboard, and that fucking scarf at Harry’s house. He poured himself into his work. Taking every single movie deal that came up and would keep him away from London. Away from where you were building your life with him.

Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well

He remembers everything from that night. The screaming, the crying, the pure venom that dripped from his tongue and right into you. You went quiet at the last thing he had said to you. The look in your eyes had shown Tom just how damaging his words were. All you did was pick up your purse as silent tears fell from your eyes and Tom just watched. He did nothing as he watched you collect your things and get to the front door. You turned around to get a look at him and walked out of his life forever.

Hey, you call me up again just to break me like a promise So casually cruel in the name of being honest I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here 'Cause I remember it all, all, all too well

He called you a few days later, leaving a voicemail. You were settled a bit in the hotel you found. You heard the raw emotion in his voice, the apologies falling out of his mouth. You sat curled up in the sheets with your phone pressed to your ear, knowing you would never hear his voice again. His last I love you ended the voicemail and you pulled your phone back just to press delete.

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone

After a while you found someone to help you pick the pieces up. Someone who knew what you were going through and had run to California to escape the heartbreak and pain he experienced. He invited you to join him and his band as they wrote their hearts out on the California beach. He helped you find yourself again, the person you were when you were at your happiest. You tried new things that expanded your mind and allowed you to feel so free.

But you keep my old scarf from that very first week 'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me You can't get rid of it, 'cause you remember it all too well, yeah

Tom heard the rumors of you and the British singer spending time together and writing music. You had been mentioned by the Brit a few times in interviews and he spoke very lovingly about you. You seemed happy. He finally moved his head to face you and he had caught your gaze. There was a glossiness to your eyes that he knew meant you were getting emotional. Your eyebrows furrowed as you sang and concentrated on the words, one of the habits you had that he loved. Your fingers delicate on the guitar strings made his heart race just a little more, he loved the way you played it.

'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

He lifted his eyes again to meet yours just to see the tears slipping down your face as you keep your gaze on him. He mouthed a quick “I’m sorry” and you nodded slightly before getting one last look at each other before you looked back to the crowd.

Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all Down the stairs, you were there, you remember it all It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

#tom holland #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland imagine #tom holland angst #tom holland x famous!reader #tom holland x singer!reader #tom holland x fem!reader #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #tom holland fanfic #marvel actor #thomas holland #peter parker angst #peter parker x reader #peter parker x fem!reader

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daroamine · 4 years

Text

everything is a lot

a sanders sides fanfic. ao3

summary:

It's time for a horror movie night.

The others seem to have forgotten Roman's fear of the dark.

WARNINGS: panic attack, cursing, food mention

A horror movie. Virgil had chosen a horror movie.

Roman felt the excited grin slide off his face a little, though he quickly plastered it back on, nodding in approval. God, he hated horror movies. He could take the scary faces, or even the screams. But something about all the blood, the tense, chilling escalation of tension that the movies always did, it- He let out a slow breath.

And settled back into the space between Patton and Logan on the couch. It would be fine.

“Do we have to watch a dumb horror movie though?” Roman complained eventually, a little on the quiet side. Patton gave him a look. “Now, kiddo, it’s Virgil’s choice, you had your turn last week.” he reminded him, giving him a little shoulder pat.

Virgil didn’t seem too affronted. In fact, he smirked. “Aw, you scared, Princey?” Roman’s face flushed, and opened his mouth to respond, but Patton beat him to it. “Now, don’t go making fun of him, Virge, it’s family night! You gotta be nice,” he smiled, “and besides, there’s nothing wrong with being scared.” he turned his gaze to Roman then, eyes far too soft and it just felt like pity. Roman frowned, scoffing. “Of course I’m not afraid of some pathetic little movie,” he declared loudly, avoiding their eyes. “Just start the darn thing already.”

Virgil did so, and as Patton went to grab another blanket, Roman adamantly ignored the watchful gaze from the end of the couch.

It was going to be fine. He hadn’t seen a movie like this in years, the fear will have faded, and he can just watch it like everyone else.

Yet for some reason, it still felt like something would go wrong. He pulled his blanket a little further over his legs, pulling his knees to his chest.

The opening credits rolled, and Roman’s tense muscles relaxed just a little. This movie didn’t look so bad, and he was surrounded by his friends. He was fine, it was- “Oops, almost forgot. Can’t have a horror movie with the lights on.” Virgil spoke, getting up.

The room was plunged into darkness except from the dim television screen, and Roman’s stomach dropped to his feet. Oh, god.

He stiffened immediately, breath stuttering. No, no, he hated the dark, this wasn’t- Trying in desperation to smother his fear, he slowly breathed out. No freaking out, this is movie night.

He looked quickly around, to check if anyone had noticed his… blunder. Virgil was huddling into the far corner, eyes locked onto the screen with a spark of excitement. Patton was just finishing arranging his extra blanket. Logan was setting down his book. It was fine.

Roman swallowed, and looked back to the movie, resting his chin on his knees. It was FINE. As long as he- as long as he didn’t look into the dark. It was fine.

He managed to watch the screen for fifteen minutes, carefully controlling his breathing. His shoulders were tensed, and his feet were pulled as far up as possible so as to avoid hanging over the edge of the couch.

Then, he swore he saw something move. His eyes darted to the staircase. There are so many shadows, there are monsters lurking there, he knew- He tightened his grip around his legs. ‘It’s in your imagination, Roman,’ he lectured himself, swallowing.

He couldn’t help it when he glanced over there again, chest tightening drastically. One of the shapes was gone.

Oh, god. Oh god, oh god, ohgodohgod-

Roman squeezed his eyes shut, biting his lip. If he kept looking at the inside of his eyelids, maybe it would convince him that the darkness wasn’t really there. As his breath shuddered in his chest, he knew that it wasn’t exactly working.

Fuck. His eyes were shut, he hadn’t been watching. All of the creatures were probably surrounding them now, just waiting to strike.

Don’t kill me, don’t kill me, don’t kill me, don’t-

A whine involuntarily slipped past his throat, eyes stinging, but it couldn’t reasonably be heard over the deafening television. God, it was so loud.

So, so loud, like it was pounding every sound into his skull. Stop, stop it, stopstopstopstopstopSTOP! He lifted his shaking hands to cover his ears, feeling his eyes water.

It was so loud, it crawled into the spaces between his fingers, scratched at his eardrums, hammered into his head until all he could register was his uncontrollable need for it to STOP.

He was scarcely breathing at all now, tiny rattling puffs of air being the only inhalation. Fuck, fuckfuck, fuck, nothing’s working, it was loud and dark, so dark, and dark and LOUD-

A pain filled scream erupted from the speakers, and he let out a sob, tears dripping down his cheeks and hand shooting out for something, anything, to provide comfort.

His fingers brushed against someone else’s.

He held on tighter than he could ever have imagined. Through his panicked haze, he felt the hand try to pull away, and he whimpered loudly, hiccupping. Please, please stay, pleasepleasepleaseplease-

The cool fingers tightened around his, and somewhere amongst the rushing whirling terror of his own head, he was incredibly grateful. Fuck, he couldn’t breathe-

Thick air felt like it was filling into his head, shoving itself inside like cotton and pounding at the inner lining of his skull in a crazed rhythm. His chest burned harshly, only further reminding him of his plight. Fucking BREATHE ROMAN, you IDIOT, people are looking-

Soft pressure pushed against his right palm, and Oh, mr cold hands was trying to comfort him. That… That was better. The hand was using its thumb to gently caress Roman’s now, and he squeezed his eyes shut tighter, concentrating as hard as he could. You’re fine, Roman, the dark isn’t even scary… Just… focus on the hand. A fiery, rattling breath tore from his lungs, and he sat up fully, clutching the silky fabric of his shirt with his spare hand. He fought desperately to take another, swaying in his seat as he trembled.

“-man? Roman, are you hearing me?” a low, distant voice murmured. He squeezed the hand tight and nodded rapidly, suddenly wanting to sob all over again. He was fine, it’s fine, someone’s here-

“Roman, I’m going to need you to open your eyes, is that alright?” the silky voice spoke, and the hand enclasped in his rubbed circles into his palm soothingly.

He whined, squishing his eyelids shut so tight a kaleidoscope of swirls and stars assaulted his vision. There were monsters out there. It was dark.

“There are no monsters, Roman, and the light has been turned back on. I am sat beside you on the couch and Patton and Virgil are at the doorway to the kitchen. I promise.”

Roman paused, swallowing and trying to breathe through his nose. In.... Out… He opened his eyes without giving himself a chance to back out, and-

Logan sat in front of him, his oval little face peering down concernedly at him. His hand held Roman’s tightly. Roman inhaled slowly, and let it out again in a shaky breath, taking time to examine his surroundings. Just like he’d promised, the lights were back on, and just like he’d promised, the other two were at the kitchen entrance, peeking around the doorframe with worry etched onto their features. Logan told the truth.

Roman felt his lip wobble once again, and without warning, he dove into Logan’s arms, beginning to cry in earnest.

He could hear the man’s “oof-” of surprise like an echo as he pressed his face into Logan’s chest, arms clutching him like he could never let him go. He helped. He… saw. And he helped.

“M’so sorry, di-didn’t mean to ruin it-!” he wailed, face unbearably crumpled into an ugly sob as he rubbed his head onto the side’s shoulder.

Logan stroked his hair gently, replying with a matter-of-fact tone. “You didn’t ruin anything. We never intended to subject you to anything that could have caused distress, especially to this degree.”

From Roman’s view atop Logan’s shoulder, he could see Virgil and Patton both nodding vigorously, looking incredibly guilty. He sniffed, and it sounded thick and miserable.

“Yeah, Ro…” Virgil added, worrying his lip between his teeth as he stepped forward. “I literally totally forgot you didn’t like the dark, and that was shitty of me. I’m really sorry.”

Roman huffed wetly, and felt a smile come onto his face. “How’re you g’nna make it up t’me?” he croaked, voice stuffy and uneven from the recent events. Patton joined their circle this time, eyes wide and sad, though his voice was cheery as ever. “Disney marathon?” he suggested with a little smile.

“Disney marathon.” Roman hummed back, leaning into Logan.

He fell fast asleep soon after they reached the halfway point of mulan, eyelids drooping and body being too warm and tired to stay awake. He was curled up with far too many blankets, Virgil yawning at the television screen and Patton munching on the leftover cookie treats they brought out.

Logan hadn’t let go of his hand.

#sanders sides writing #sanders sides #sanders sides fic #logince #logan x roman #roman angst #tw panic attack #tw food mention #tw cursing #unedited #not proof read

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samwrights · 4 years

Text

Two Little Lines

Let’s just keep playing around with the pregnancy/baby theme, shall we? 😂😈 it’s going to be on the fluffier side, however, we are gonna sprinkle in some very mild NSFW. And we got real angsty with Kenma and we’re just gonna make em all real long. Sorry this took me a few days to do!

Kenma;

Let’s be honest, Kenma would be the cautious one that would more so plan for pregnancy.

Life’s going great for Kenma—great job, cushy life, hot wife??? How did he get so lucky?

Cause he’s cute af that’s how

He was finally ready to add another player to the party.

However, life can’t always be perfect and apparently neither can the two of you trying for a baby.

For the last year and a half now, Friday nights were your thing. No streaming, no work, no phone calls. You and Kenma—that’s it. And while he definitely had become very explorative in that time, every negative pregnancy test was wearing his drive down.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone that Kenma isn’t a fan of going to the doctor, even to check on how his little swimmers are doing. “If it’s not meant to be, we’ll find another way.” But you could tell it was breaking his heart a little bit.

Frisky Friday’s became fragile Friday’s, in which the two of you really just cuddled in bed together, fireplace lit, and talked about hopeful dreams of finally having a child together, until one of you hopefully got in the mood.

Shit, this whole ordeal was even making your marriage rough. Kenma had been so hard on himself lately that he could barely look at you, which caused you to start to feel insecure, causing the both of you to fight.

It’s Friday night. No streaming, no work, and no phone calls. That was how it was supposed to be. But instead, Kenma is naked in bed atop the comforter, playing with his switch.

It’s pissing you off.

“I don’t know what you wanna do anymore, Kenma. Do you even want a family? Do you even want to be with me anymore?”

“Why would you even say that?” It’s Friday night. The two of you are supposed to be hanging out in bed, naked and just being together, not picking fights with each other. But since that seems to be the case, you see Kenma flush with anger.

“Maybe because you’re playing Animal Crossing instead of looking at me??” Your husband sighs before putting his switch on the night stand before taking down the loose knot that his hair typically resides in. He’s anxious. “You’re acting like I’m not upset about this too.”

As you’re talking to him, you cautiously clamber over him, your face filled with raw emotion. And, after being married for the better half of a decade, you can see what he’s feeling. Failure, distress, and pain were only the start of it. “Please, Kenma. One more time, and we’ll start looking at other options.”

Apparently one more time was all it took, according to the three pregnancy tests you’d taken a month later. Seeing those two little lines on one of the tests that your husband had bought in bulk sent your heart into palpitations. You were going to be a mom.

Kenma comes home from work that Friday—you decided to surprise him. “What do you want to do tonight Kenma?”

??? “Honey, it’s Friday. Don’t we usually...” he stops. Either you were giving up on trying, which you two would have discussed, or... “wait, you don’t mean...”

Holding up the positive pregnancy test, you begin to cry. Kenma does too.

“Baby Kozume has joined the party.”

Kuroo;

Only the two of you would get pregnant while having an IUD implant. Literally, that was just your luck. But it was still possible.

Which you had yet to tell Kuroo—at the moment you were thankful the two of you weren’t cohabitating yet because you were able to hide your unbearable morning sickness.

You were at least waiting to see your doctor to have your IUD removed before telling him, mostly out of fear but also because, if he did notice your morning sickness, you could pawn it off as symptoms of the removal.

You hoped that this wouldn’t take too long or as be as painful as it was going in, but then again you were going to be pushing a human out in nearly 8 months.

It’s a Wednesday afternoon; Kuroo has already finished classes for the day while you’re still out at your appointment. He did have a key to your appointment, but it was strange that you weren’t home considering you didn’t have classes.

He wasn’t gonna call you out on it though—Kuroo trusted you. Instead, he opted to just rummaging around your apartment, cleaning up dishes that were left standing in the sink and making lunch for the two of you.

The minute you walked through your door, the smell of his cooking wafted through the air and absolutely did not agree with you or the baby’s sense of smell. “Fuck,” you grit out before bolting to the bathroom to hurl.

??? = Kuroo.

“Babe? You okay?” Your response was more vomiting, which was apparent both by sound and by visual—you hadn’t even closed the door to the bathroom and Kuroo got to witness the scene clear as day.

In comfort, Kuroo rubs your lower back in an attempt to coax the remaining bile from your body. Disturbing, was the only way Kuroo could describe it, considering you rarely ever puked. In the last six years of dating, he’s only seen it once while you drunk.

When the nausea finally passed, Kuroo cleaned your face up with a warm rag before sitting you on his knee while he sat at the edge of the tub. “What’s wrong, baby?”

“That, actually.”

“What?” Kuroo’s a smart guy, however it took him a few minutes to decipher your two word puzzle. “Wait, seriously?”

“Yeah, I was gonna tell you today, actually. I just had to go get my IUD removed.” For a moment he’s stunned—the IUD was supposed to be nearly foolproof. But nearly is the key word.

“Babe, you’re pregnant! Holy shit, I gotta call Kenma and Bo and tell them they’re gonna be uncles!” 💀💀💀

“Sooo, you’re okay with it...?” After all, there was a reason you had chosen to go with an IUD after your guys’ last pregnancy scare two years ago.

After all, being a freshman in college wasn’t necessarily an ideal time to start a family.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He balks.

“Because we’re college students that still have another year to graduate?” You deadpan as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“And? Now we’re gonna be married college graduates with little baby Kuroo.” M a r r i e d?

“I think you’re getting a little ahead of yourself, Tetsu.”

“What, you don’t wanna marry me?” For a minute, his face contorts with...confusion? Sadness? Anger? A myriad of all the above? “I’ve wanted to marry you since high school.”

“Is this a proposal?”

“The rings been in my gym bag since senior year.”

Akaashi;

Akaashi Keiji, contrary to popular opinion, was a real romantic.

Even as college students, while your focus should be on your studies, Akaashi never slacked on making you feel special and loved. He knew it, you knew it, and your poor neighbors that shared the wall between your bedrooms knew it.

Kinda made it awkward when the two of you would leave for class and you’d meet your neighbors’ eyes in the apartment hallway. But ya know, it is what it is.

Honestly, it’s too challenging not to go at it every day when your boyfriend is the sweetest, most endearing human to walk the planet.

But enough gushing about Akaashi. Four years into your relationship, you had never felt so off in your life. The last three weeks, all you wanted to do was sleep and eat, you couldn’t focus on anything at all. You couldn’t even have sex with Akaashi.

You know, your wonderful partner that you literally boned everyday? Yeah.

It felt like a permanent, three week PMS for a period that never came. Not that that was entirely abnormal for you—intense amounts of stress can throw off your menstrual cycle and stress was certainly no stranger to you.

But no. You knew your body and you knew it well. Something was wrong.

Just in case things went awry, you scheduled a doctor’s appointment with Keiji’s knowledge. After all, it could very well be nothing and there was no point in causing your man to worry.

“Miss, were you aware that you’re nearly six weeks pregnant?” 💀💀💀 obviously not, doc.

Not entirely convinced, whether because you’re a tad dense or because you really just don’t want to believe the doctor, you swing by a local drug store to grab a test. Just in case, like somehow the doctor would be wrong.

Thankfully, you get home before Akaashi is back from work for the evening, giving you the privacy of seeing your results with your own eyes. Even though you literally could go look at the results and notes from your doctors visit, but ya know.

You don’t even know how long you sat on the floor of your shared bathroom, just staring at the two little lines. You didn’t even realize Akaashi came home.

He calls your name, at first not necessarily concerned that the only light in the apartment was peeking from under the bathroom door. But with no answer, he calls out your name again. No answer. “Honey, is it okay if I come in?”

“Y-yeah?” You aren’t really sure how to answer. How the hell was Akaashi going to react? You guys didn’t have time for a kid?? You’re completely zoned out, staring blankly at the bathtub in front of you. Lowkey, you’re freaking out Akaashi.

Even more so when he sees your hand loosely cradling the pregnancy test—judging by your reaction, he knows what the result is. But he can’t think of anything to say, what is there even to say?

He’s not upset, no. Shocked? Obviously. Mad, not at all considering he’s just as much responsible. The “R” word is what triggers him.

Responsible, in the sense that in less than a year, the two of you were going to be parents. It swelled joy within him. While the two of still had yet to speak, Akaashi comes to your side, sliding down the wall to sit beside you before wrapping his arms around you.

“So, are you hoping for a boy or a girl?”

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wwilloww · 3 years

Note

⛸ Hi, hello. Welcome to my shower thoughts. What if. It starts out in this dystopian society where there are arranged marriages and everything is regulated by like one person or a council or something. Originally, the OC or Y/N is engaged to [x bts member] and, they’re just about to get married the day that the dystopia crumbles! Now, OC / Y/N is actually in love with [x bts member]- but, [x bts member] isn’t (or doesn’t think they are- you decide) in love with OC or Y/N. ANGST. BUT WAIT! ⛸

anonymous said:

⛸ THERS MORE. So~ [x bts member] after like three months of reader/OC being heartbroken, lead on, and helpless, starts pursuing someone else! Someone new that [x bts member] just met. And so, they start falling in love. Helplessly, hopelessly in love. Love interest of [x bts member] leads them on but ultimately some tragedy happens where they end up breaking [x bts member’s] heart and OC/reader is left to console them and try to comfort them through all that ANGSTTT ⛸

⛸ AND THENNNNN. (Sorry this is taking so many parts- this has just evolved so much in my head 😂) AND THEN! It’s all angsty and sad because OC/reader ends up admitting that they had real feelings for [x bts member] they had to go through the same things alone and had to put on a happy face because they just wanted to be happy [x bts member] is happy 🥺 But yeah!! This has just been expanding in my head and I know I’m never gonna end up writing it so I figured I would just tell you about it😂⛸

⛸but obviouslyyyyy I do not expect you to write this, and you are in no way obligated by it but! If you are inspired by it in any way, you could totally use it and I would totally read it 😂⛸ But yeah, I guess I just figured I’d play 😂 Have a great day/night/whatever time it is where you are!!! Adios!! ☺️💜⛸

NOONNIIEEEEEEE

hello?!!!!! your brain is a literal GENIUS!!! This is legitimately a fully structured fic that you just dropped into my inbox. Why wouldn’t you write it??? You have such a beautifully strong grasp of this idea and I know you would do an incredible, incredible job of it too. If you do end up writing it, tag me! Please!!

SO. Back in high school I had a seriously strong dystopian phase. Your idea reminded me a little bit of a story I tried to write (what is it about dystopian stories and love triangles? huh?) I tried to find it to post a snippet of young Willow’s writing, but I couldn’t find it anywhere, so I tried to write something for you. We’re going to say this is a JK fic because he’s the first to come to mind.

Well. I started writing and it didn’t stop. So now this is officially a drabble. Here we go 😂

UNARRANGED

PAIRING jungkook x reader

GENRE dystopian!au. angst.

WC 734

WARNINGS heartbreak. pining.

AN someone pls tell me to stop writing

Should the city still be burning? Months after your home burnt down there were still fires. They would burst up on a particularly cold night. From the vantage point of the roof, you could see them, burning bright and red until the early hours of the morning, black smoke leeching up into the pristine silver glimmer of the stars. By morning they would usually burn their course, leaving nothing but the wisps of heat lingering in the air.

Tonight, that’s where you find him. Back hunched, chin resting on his knee. A mile out, a fire rages the size of a city block and his eyes are locked on it. You’re not sure if he’s ignoring you or if he can’t hear you - but nonetheless you walk carefully over the tiles towards where Jungkook sits.

You sit without word. Breathe deep. Let the silence drape over you until it seems - for him at least - unbearable.

“Is it still supposed to hurt?” he finally says after a couple of minutes.

“Yeah,” you mumble, jaw clenching. “It always hurts for a while. I guess...” You pause, chewing over your words. “When we love someone we let them lodge inside our hearts. When they walk away from us, I think they take something with them.”

“Yeah, thats...that’s how it feels.” He sniffs, and you’re not sure if it’s from the cold or if he’s crying. When you peek over at him, his face is dry. Empty. He glances at you and a stiff smile brushes across his lips. “I didn’t think it would be physically painful too. It’s just supposed to be emotions and shit, right? Not like - not like an ache. Like pain. It’s physically painful.”

“Why shouldn’t it be painful?” You say softly. “Wouldn’t it be worse to have loved and not feel the loss at all?”

He’s silent at that.

“It sounds like you know what it feels like.”

“Yeah.” You say softly, chewing on your lip. “I guess I do.”

He looks at you, studying your face.

“I never noticed - I didn’t realize you had someone -”

“There’s a lot you don’t notice, Jungkook.” You can’t help the ice that slips into your voice. He blinks back at you. Reaches for your hand. You don’t want to, but still at his touch, at the sensation of his thumb running over the back of your hand, you melt. It’s so warm. Even after a year, your body still wants to lean into him. “I suppose I didn’t really... have them. Not really.”

“I’m sorry.” He brings your hand up to his chest where he wraps both arms around it, forcing you to scoot closer. “I suppose that’s better though.” He laughs. “Selfishly, it’s better. That we both know this. That we both can go through it together.”

He’s so dumb, you can’t help but think. Your gaze traces over his features. Even after everything that you both had been through - the burning of the city, broken hearts, destroyed families, decimated lives - his features still sang with the kind of youth that had nothing to do with age.

“The pain - it feels sharp in my chest. In my throat.”

“Yeah,” you say. “Me too.”

“And I still dream about her sometimes, like she’s still here right beside me. Like she never left.”

“Yeah.” And then softer. “Me too.”

“And there’s a part of me that feels like everything will be fixed if she just came back, if she just gave it another shot. If she just tried.” Your heart clenches and he shakes his head. “But then... then I know that’s not fair. It’s not true. You can’t just ask someone to love you. That’s not how it works.”

“Exactly.” It’s almost a whisper.

“You know.” It’s said softly. As if he’s also saying thank you.

“I know.”

“Who was it?” he asks.

You look at him. Eyes wide, heart cracked open just for you. Later on, you won’t be sure if it was something in the air - the smoke, the crisp burn of winter frost - or if it was an impulse, or if it was something about everything you had endured in the past year that made you say it. The building of courage, of callus, of that long, stretching emptiness that never quite seemed to leave the front of your mind.

“You, Jungkook.” You say, pulling your hand from his. “It was you.”

#jungkook drabble #jungkook angst #anon #mailbox #ask game #⛸ anon

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rainydayhogwartsimagines · 4 years

Text

Draco Falling in love if you were in Gryffindor Pt2

Warnings: Swearing. Angst.

You were there for the last trial and some anxiety just fucking hit you like a bus

Something was wrong. You knew this and you tried to voice that.

Draco could tell you were nervous for your two friends that were in this

Most of the trial was spent trying to calm you down, Fred and George also trying to distract you

That's when Harry came back and you stood up and saw it

"No." You whimpered.

Draco couldn't see what made you react like that until he realized that Harry was on top of Cedric.

You buried your face in Draco's jacket and just sobbed

Fred and George couldn't believe this happened.

Hermione and Ron watched as Mad eye Moody walked away with Harry sobbing

You were left to hear Cedric's poor father screaming over his dead son's body.

The next few days were hard

No one dared to separate you and Draco.

Which finding him asleep on the couch with you in his arms in the Gryffindor common room was now a regular occurrence.

Mcgonagall never questioned shit.

You helped Harry through his grieving and he helped you with yours.

You spent the summer again with the Weasleys

Fred and George's business was surprisingly well

Something strange happened though.

Mid-day, all of you were sitting around having lunch and there was a knock on the door.

Draco was standing there with this shocked look.

"Draco? Sweetie what's wrong?" Molly asked.

"I've uhm..." He walked in and ran a hand over his face. "I've been disowned." He said making everyone stand up.

"What!?" You asked.

"My uhm.. my family called me a blood traitor for being with you and uh..." Draco blinked a few times.

"They disowned me." He repeated.

"Good lord!" Arthur gasped and you hugged him.

"You've got us Draco... We're not going anywhere." Fred said putting a hand on his shoulder.

"If I see Lucius in public can I kick his balls?" Ginny asked making everyone turn to her.

"What? I'm just saying! A swift kick to the--"

"OKAYYY GINNY!" Molly said putting a hand over her daughter's mouth making you all laugh.

Draco stayed with all of the Weasley's too.

Molly found him sitting outside one night and she sat next him.

"Are you alright?" Molly asked.

"Couldn't sleep. I give Y/n so much crap about staying up late but I'm the one who can't sleep." He chuckled.

Molly put a hand on his shoulder and he sighed.

"We love you Draco. Just the way you are and we wouldn't change a single thing about you. You're not a blood traitor." Molly said.

Draco hugged Molly and she gained a son that day.

The school year started with Umbridge.

That damn woman and cats. What the fuck was with her and cats!?

You hated that woman more than anything and when Fred and George pulled a bunch of fireworks out you were like "Right on!"

Course when they were expelled it pissed you off more than you could possibly say.

For some reason Draco was loved by this woman though and he used that to his advantage.

When he found out about her hurting Harry you actually had to restrain him from killing her.

When centaurs took her you wouldn't stop smiling.

You kept singing "ding dong the bitch is gone" and everyone couldn't stop laughing.

Draco's parents did try to convince him to leave you and come back home to which he responded with a simple "No. Fuck off."

You guys joined the order

You stood by Harry every step of the way and when Arthur nearly died Draco was pissed.

Like he had some murderous rage in him

You all worked with Harry and Sirius though

Sirius actually loved Draco

Like yeah, the kid's dad is an unbearable asshole but damn this kid's got a spark!

Draco actually thought Sirius was awesome too.

When he found out the two of them were related they were like "Hey! Disowned buddies!"

But everything came to a screeching halt when you helped Harry

and ended up in that battle.

Shit hit the fan and of course Draco's father was there.

It all happened so quickly, flashes of light going by you as Tonks tried to get you and Draco to safety.

Then you heard it.

Bellatrix's killing curse.

You turned around and saw Sirius stumble and your heart dropped.

You broke away from Tonks, sprinting to Harry.

You had to pull him back as he let out this hauntingly sad scream.

When you finally got out of there Harry was of course having a meltdown.

Draco was there for him though listening to it all

It was almost hard to believe that Draco hated him at one point.

Draco made him laugh at one point

"Did you see my father's face when the thing actually broke though? I think he almost cried"

Harry was glad he had this guy as a friend

The school year was of course hard on Harry

Ron could see the poor guy's mental state just deteriorating

Draco no longer had to worry about things getting back to his parents, so you bet your ass Harry sat at that table every fucking day.

"Wait wait wait. You're telling me that his cane is also his wand?" You asked about Lucius's cane.

"Yeah he pulled out at the ministry, that's why he carried it with him? I always figured it was because he was a pompous ass who wanted to look official." Harry said making you all laugh.

When Albus died all of you were in this state of shock

Like holy shit this is bad.

Like it was bad before but now it's bad.

When Snape took over Draco genuinely could not tell if he was evil or not.

He was literally the only one in the group who was automatically like "He's evil dude"

You guys didn't realize how bad this would get until you had to bust into Bellatrix's vault

You were more of a look out of sorts

And uhm

All of you ended up at the Manor.

"Seriously, is your dad goth or just a fan of black?" You asked.

"Personally I think he takes the whole evil thing too seriously." Luna said.

"See Luna gets it." You said.

Then they chose a prisoner... Or two.

They figured the quickest way for information was to ask Draco while hurting you.

And boy it almost worked

You screamed bloody murder as she carved into your arm

He had to restrained by two people as you screamed.

Even Lucius thought this was too extreme, for fucks sake you were children.

Harry finally got free though and you all left

You were crying like crazy, you couldn't catch your breath as Draco held you.

The two of you were so scared then and damn it only got worse as that final battle approached.

You told your family to run and do not fucking look back and they did

Molly hated seeing you come home that day

You looked so exhausted and you just hugged her crying.

Fred and George both hated seeing you like this.

I mean: yes you spent your past few years here in the burrow but damn it that was your family.

You finally got to that battle

You fought strong and hard the whole time

Any death eaters near you or your friends went down in seconds

Draco saw Fred in danger and saved his life.

"You just saved my life!" Fred panted.

"Anything for a friend." Draco said also out of breath.

"We're not friends Draco." Fred breathed. "Sorry I--" "We're brothers." He finished.

And damn it Draco fought even harder because the Weasleys became his family.

When Ginny and Molly were in trouble he was not having that shit.

"GET AWAY FROM MY MOTHER YOU PRAT!" he said before fucking destroying her.

Molly managed to find a smile in such a tense situation.

Ginny also thought "This guys an asshole. But he's my brother so it's fine."

You and Draco fought together at one point against his parents

Oh God Draco was a wreck as he was arguing with his father.

"YOU COULD'VE BEEN WITH US! YOU COULD'VE HAD THE WORLD WHY DIDN'T YOU WANT THIS!?" Lucius screamed as he threw attacks.

"I JUST WANTED YOU TO FUCKING LOVE ME!" Draco answered, knocking Lucius on his feet.

"Go. Don't you ever show your face again!" Draco told him.

And Lucius booked it with his mother.

Then the battle reached a halt when Harry was dead.

Draco took it hard, burying his face in your shoulder as Hagrid held Harry.

Hermione and Ron both couldn't believe this was happening. This was their best friend.

You listened to Neville's big "Fuck you" to voldemort before noticing Harry's leg twitch.

You touched Draco's shoulder and Harry finally fell out of Hagrid's arms and Draco grabbed the wand and threw it to Harry

The battle was so bright it looked like the light from it was fucking melting

And then Harry won

It was over.

Everyone was cheering until their throats gave out

You hugged Draco and the Weasleys hugged you guys.

When you finally let go Draco let out a laugh.

"Y/n I have a question." He finally said.

"What is it?" You asked.

"Will you marry me?" He asked.

Everyone in your vicinity went dead silent before you said

"YES YOU IDIOT!"

Your wedding was awesome by the way

Molly made the cake

Later down the road you had kids

And you spent every holiday at the Burrow because the kids loved their grandparents

Course they also loved their uncles who gave them free stuff from their shop.

Everytime you went to King's cross you and the group would get dinner together.

You became a journalist, Draco worked at the ministry alongside Arthur

You absolutely loved the people sitting at the table.

Because damn it: This was family.

And it wasn't going anywhere.

#draco fuckingmalfoy #draco imagine #draco malfoy #draco x reader #draco x y/n

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courtlyharlequin · 4 years

Text

A Spring Without You

Warning(s): gender neutral reader, reader death mention, suicide mention, angst, grief, post-death scenario

Summary: One year. One year since that fateful day yet Leona Kingscholar finds himself unable to move on from you, his dearly beloved as the snow melts and the buds bloom into blossoms.

A/N: Uwahhh! New blog alert! This is my debut fic hehehehe. Well, on Tumblr anyway. This was a self indulgent fic but I hope you enjoy regardless ! Shoot me a request to help me start up this blog >~<

They say that spring is the season of new beginnings. They say that the colder the winter, the warmer the spring. They say that a life without love is a year without spring. The latter holds true for Leona Kingscholar.

Spring has officially sprung in Twisted Wonderland. The botanical garden is lush with foliage and flowers in full bloom. On any normal day, Leona would have claimed the area as a napping spot. But these days were far from normal. He could not bear to see the sight of the garden— the garden where he met you. Leona could not bear the sight of any viridescent foliage, really. He avoided the greenhouse at all costs. Anything and everything related to the garden painfully reminded him of you.

You who had stepped into his darkness and not only accepted his inner demons, but also made acquaintance with them. You who had shed light into his abyss of ugly emotions. Emotions like jealousy and sadness meant nothing when he was with you. Your naive nature was endearing; it was refreshing compared to from all the things Leona experiences. Your smile was blinding. You who had thawed the winter’s frost in his heart and embraced it with the mellow tenderness of springtime. You were the sun, so pure and full of life. What’s more is that you adore spring for the sole reason of flowers. You loved them. Perhaps more than him— not that he was willing to admit it. But for Leona, he loved you more than anything in the world. He loved you as much as you loved Eastertide— if not more. He loved how you lit up his monochrome world, how flowers were only beautiful if you were dressed in them. He loved your unconditional love. Since when had he received such an endless stream of affection and affirmation? It was a flurry of positive yet unknown emotions. Everytime he was with you, he would feel it. It was as if a surge of flower petals engulfed him in their intoxicatingly sweet scent.

Just like that day. The memory of you frolicing a vast flower field haunts Leona to this day. One year ago, you smiled. You smiled for the last time that day.

Your laughter rings in Leona’s ears every now and then. You were unusually giddy that day, having the gall to drag him through the mirror to an undisturbed meadow tucked away behind a range of rolling hills. His nose was immediately flooded with a soft fragrance. His eyes were met with thousands of flower buds, ready to bloom in the next few days. Some had already bloomed. He stood with his mouth agape only to become the subject of your teasing.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” you asked before taking his hands to, quite literally, waltz among the budding florets.

It was surreal. You were a hopeless-beyond-help romantic and Leona would occasionally indulge in your cliche fantasies. Because he found it charming. Because he loved you. Because never wanted his own darling princess to come to anything but a happily ever after. Because being with you was like a fairytale, a daydream that Leona hoped to never wake from. But as they all say, all good things must come to an end.

Those days were gone. The days where you gifted him with dozens of flower crowns, the days where the two of you would dilly dally in the garden, the days where he kissed you slowly to awaken you from your slumber just to make you feel like the love you two shared was true love. They were all ignorant bliss. They had painstakingly passed. Summer’s heat was unbearable, but winter was the worst. The season brought harsh chills along with a sense of numbing anguish. Winter rendered everything he learned and loved about you meaningless. When the snow finally melted, his heart was encased in frost once more. Nowadays, Leona finds himself bedridden and cold without the warmth of his sun yet time still flies, waiting for no one. Spring was coming.

Leona was blind. You- his beloved, his darling, his princess- was just as broken as he was. You were lonely, feeling incompetent as the significant other of prince. He should have picked it up sooner. There was rarely ever the occasion where he asked you if you were alright. Your worst moments were dealt with elsewhere and rarely did you ever dare to trouble him with your own feelings. If he was simply a better partner, if he had put more effort into keeping up with his half of the relationship, then perhaps you would still be here as the person who broke his walls, lit up his world, and ignited so many foreign feelings within his heart. If he had taken one moment, just one, to ask: “how are you?”, would have it been any different? You always asked him. You always listened to him, but he had never done the same.

Was it because he found it to be a hassle? Not quite. Leona certainly did not find your sporadic story times troublesome. He found them amusing. You always get worked up over the silliest of things. You were like a child. Leona could not fathom at the thought of someone so vivacious having their own inner demons. The idea shook him to the core.

He frowned at the thought. Was the reason why he ever asked you: “how are you?” was because he was afraid to face the monsters in your head because he had his own? And that they were larger than his own? Leona grunted in annoyance. The fragments of you left inside his mind were all so vivid. It’s as if you were still there. Still happy.

What were your final moments like before you breathed your last breath in that same flower field that you both waltzed upon? Did you show him that field for him to find your lifeless body on a bed of your favorite flowers days later? Are you truly that cruel? These conclusions gnaw at his head while his own heart throbs with a feeling that can only be known as regret. The heavy weight of guilt keeps Leona forever awake, tired and too tiring. He sprawled across his sheets, sighing pensively. You plague his dreams, claiming his peaceful pastime of napping as your own. There was no joy in the things he enjoyed. Napping was a death wish and not even Cheka was able to raise his spirits.

A tired, sleep deprived Leona is an irritated Leona. Even Ruggie had kept his distance from him. Or is it the other way around? Leona kept to himself these days. Even Idia Shroud leaves his room more than Leona now. Though if one were to ask Ruggie to see Leona, the perfect is miraculously absent from the scene every time.

Today was a grim day with many inconveniences. Everywhere Leona went to escape his visitors reminded him of you. With nowhere to find peace and quiet, as his bedroom is occupied with unwanted visitors and his alternative hiding spots leaving a bittersweet taste in his mouth, he sought out the garden. The time felt right. It was spring. You always loved this time of year. Perhaps he would love it this time around too.

As soon as he stepped foot into the greenhouse, his nose was flooded with a soft fragrance. His eyes were met with a small patch of flowers. He did not know their genus, but he knew that you would have been all over these twigs by now. His gaze lingers on the tiny field. These blossoms were sickening. Their pungent, poignant perfume was suffocatingly saccharine. Leona crouched before them.

“They’re beautiful, aren’t they?” a voice said.

His ears twitched at the sound, turning his neck around at an inhumane speed. A click of his tongue followed shortly in suit.

“What are you doing here?” Leona snapped.

“I-I mean- I tend to the garden occasionally… since y/n would be kind of sad if the flowers wilted…” Epel trailed off, clutching a tray of seedlings closer to his chest.

Sad? You… would...be sad? That’s so typical of you. It humors him. His attention turns to the patch. It looks like Epel had planted daisies. Leona smirked, thinking that this was surely something you would gush to him about for hours. The first day of spring, huh. The season of new beginnings. Was it though? He felt as if he took a thousand steps backwards. He lost it all during the vernal season, the time of year you loved most. He never understood how much he needed you to breathe, to live, to enjoy all the little things in the world. Why did he have to begin without you? A spring without you is unimaginable.

His heart aches, but… you would be sad, wouldn’t you? You would be sad if you saw him in this state then proceed to tell him to cheer up. Maybe drag him to another flower field? Would you cry for his sake once more? He was still mourning but, knowing you, you would want him to move on— not wanting to burden him for any longer.

With all of these thoughts festering and swelling inside his head, Leona Kingscholar cried for the first time since your death. It was the most gruesome, most anguished, hysterical roar he had ever produced. It echoed throughout the garden.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland imagines #twst imagines #twisted wonderland oneshot #twst oneshot #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #leona kingscholar x reader #debut #angst #tw: death #tw: suicide

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ceilingfan5 · 4 years

Note

Ballet au/road trip au for taakitz??

thanks again to @desiree-harding-fic for the ballet

part one

Funny thing...turns out Kravitz the Ballet Robot has feelings. It’s a hell of a job, and it would overwhelm anyone, but Taako gets the pressure of being the lead, not to mention the mental and physical strain of it all, double digit hours a day, six days a week. Kravitz has a hard time talking about it as they walk to Taako’s shitty car, but Taako gets the gist--he’s headed to breakdown city, population growing.

“Don’t you have friends you could talk to about this?” Taako asks. Kravitz is unbearably silent. “Yikes. Okay, shit. Damn, no wonder you’re falling apart. What, uh, what set you off tonight?”

“I stepped on my ankle wrong and I thought my career was going to be over.”

“That’d, uh, yeah, that’d do it.” They’re still sitting in the parking lot, Taako struggling not to yawn, Kravitz struggling not to cry. Taako’s plied him with fast food napkins he’d stashed in the console and he’s feeling pretty damn vindicated that he’s stolen so many over the years. He looks at Kravitz’s sad puppydog face and sighs. “Fuck, dude, can you take a day? Hang out, sleep, do some hobbies or whatever?”

“I couldn’t!”

“Literally why not?”

“Taako, you know why not. They need me. I can’t let them down. It’s so competitive. And if I take a day, someone could replace me for good.” As he lists reasons, Taako watches Kravitz’s shoulders go up and up and up until Kravitz looks so tense and awkward he’s afraid his spine is gonna snap.

“Listen, like, not that that isn’t a valid fear, or whatever, but if you explode on stage and all of your squishy bits end up in ballerina hair, you’re gonna be replaced too. You gotta take a mental health day, man, or one is going to take you out.” He puts his hands on Kravitz’s shoulder and forces them down, and Kravitz, though it’s quite clearly a strain, obediently relaxes them. “Call in and sleep most of tomorrow. Say you’re sick.”

“I just- Taako, I can’t!” His shoulders pop back up like a kid holding a beachball under water until it smacks him in the face.

“Can you go back in there right now, genius?”

“I- I- Well-” Kravitz’s eyes kind of glaze over like he’s seen the creature that lives behind the Denny’s, and Taako shakes his head. “You’re a mess, dude. You’re going to take a break. In fact, let’s both take a break. Let’s...” Taako tappity-taps a drum solo on the steering wheel, sucking air in through his teeth. “Let’s go...on a road trip.”

“What???” Kravitz looks at him like he’s suggested they stab each other in the parking lot for fun and profit. “We couldn’t possibly--”

“I mean, I find people can do all kinds of dumb bullshit with enough confidence.” A grin is slowly taking over Taako’s face. “Don’t you ever drive home and ache to turn the wrong way and just keep driving? Let’s fucking go.”

“Right now?” Kravitz’s voice keeps getting higher and higher. “You want us to leave town right NOW??” “Yeah, right now, why not! We have our duffels, got a change of clothes, I have a full tank of gas. Let’s get the hell out of dodge.”

Kravitz sits in the passenger seat, more stunned than if he’d taken a cast-iron pan to the skull bones.

“Could we...do that?”

“Yeah! I mean, I have money, you have money, we can get toothbrushes at whatever hotel we stop at. What’s stopping us?”

“My mom,” Kravitz answers honestly. Taako shrugs.

“My sister will kill me and her husband will hide my limb body, but fuck ‘em, right? They don’t get it.”

“How could she! She quit! She left us!” Us, he says. Taako forgot that Kravitz and Lup used to be dance partners. He’s starting to buy into Kravitz’s storm of emotions, and the wind is whipping shit around in his brain.

“Yeah! Fuck her, honestly! Like, I love her, but fuck her for leaving! Fuck her dumb science career! Nothing’s been the same without her! This- Kravitz, this job is so fucking hard? And for what? Like, what are we getting out of it, besides all of our goddamn joints disintegrating?”

“We could just...drive...We could, Taako, we could QUIT, we could just leave and not come back! We- who needs me? I’m- I’m getting out of that place, I can’t go back- We can just drive and drive and drive and not look back!!“

“We’re gonna. You and me, we’re getting out of here. To hell with the consequences, right?” Taako starts the car and pulls out of the parking lot before Kravitz can do any more objecting. Kravitz watches the company building get smaller and smaller in the mirrors, tongue tied, until they leave the city, and then a little smile begins to grow on his face, and then it starts to bloom, until he’s laughing, a little hysterical and a lot relieved. Taako joins in, and suddenly it’s loud and wild and dangerous and they’re united in this bizarre breakdown, tied together and shoving themselves off the cliff.

“We’re doing it,” he whispers, face pressed to the window. “We’re really doing it! Where- Taako, where are we even going??” His eyes are blown and wide, the euphoria smacking him in the face so hard his nose might start to bleed.

“Away,” Taako says. “As far away as we can get. I’m not stopping for the night until we have to get gas. You, me, we’re setting out into that wild blue yonder, and we’re, Kravitz, we’re gonna get so many ugly souvenir t-shirts. I swear this to you.”

“Thank you, Taako. Honestly. I...I don’t get why you’re doing this to me. I kind of thought you hated me? I think a lot of people hate me at the company. I don’t- I don’t know how to fix it, I- It’s so hard-” Kravitz’s eyes swim again, and Taako punches him in the side.

“So what if I do? An opportunity like this doesn’t present itself very often. A genius like me has to take them as they come, even if they’re with uptight assholes who dance like angels.”

“I don’t know whether to be offended or not.”

“Be thankful, stupid. I’m taking you to, uh, to...Hm.” He scans the next road sign. “How about the Grand Canyon?”

“The- Are you serious?”

“Yeah, I’m fucking serious. We’re gonna go on a relaxing tour of American horseshit. We’re gonna see the ocean. And I’m serious about those ugly t-shirts.” He laughs again, sharp and piercing, and it almost hurts his throat. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care a bit. So what if they never come back? It’s fine. Things are fine! Everything is going to be fine. And if it’s not fine, oh well!

“Lead the way,” Kravitz mumbles, mystified and still smiling, somehow. “I’m leaving...” His voice is soft, but the words are heavy with feeling. “Take that!”

Taako turns on the radio so they don’t have to keep talking, because if he has to listen to Kravitz cry anymore, he’s going to gain some sympathy for the motherfucker, and he simply cannot allow that. This is a platonic work trip. There will be no liking involved. Never in a million years.

#taz #tazb #taz balance #the adventure zone #the adventure zone balance #taakitz #fan5fics #ballet-u #thank u des #these BOYS gonna go off the GRID #get out of town!!!!!

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pillowfluffs · 4 years

Text

Guardian Angel | Na Jaemin

Pairing: Jaemin X Reader (gender neutral)

Genre: fluffy, angsty, fluffy again

Author’s Note: I cant stop writing for dreams... not complaining, just saying and this made me soft

He had been watching over you the moment you were born

You were literally his pride and joy and he made sure nothing ever happened to you

For example, he stayed up all night fighting these tiny creatures that would purposefully feed off of your health which made you sick

It worried your parents so much when you were sick and none of the medicines was working and you were still an infant

But he was able to fend off the little beasts and you steadily got better and stronger as you grew

He wasn’t perfect though despite his looks

Only made a few mistakes every now and then

Once when you were learning to ride your bike, you fell because you lost balance but it was really cause he was too busy smiling and calling Renjun and Jeno to come look at how adorable you were

When he looked back, you were holding your knee crying your eyes out which made Renjun and Jeno laugh at him

His soul practically left his angelic being whenever you cried

Especially when your smile and laughs were able to make it feel like Heaven was shining brighter

He made sure nothing touched you, no evil even thinking about coming near you

Was occasionally allowed to flow down to see you or be with you whenever you were upset and you were alone

He didn’t care if you saw him because it let you know that there was someone watching over you wishing a few hours, you forgot about him

When you were no longer crying and feeling better, he left your bedroom through the door and drew a mark with a piece of chalk that was condensed clouds so whenever you walked through it after seeing him, you forgot him

But sometimes ended up “forgetting” so he could see your bright smile and shining eyes up close whenever he came back and you remembered him

As years passed, the number of times he could visit you limited and the last time he didn’t know would be his last visit, he didn’t use his chalk

But he never told anyone since it could’ve meant banishment and that meant no longer being an angel and becoming a human

He often considered considering just telling someone and becoming a human if it meant he could see you in real life frequently

But he pushed he thoughts away and didn’t risk anything. Not yet, at least, since you were still young

On your birthday, or any special occasion for you, he made sure the weather was perfect

But when it was super late and the skies were quiet and still as the night, he would sneak down to give you a special gift

If he couldn’t, he made sure something really nice or lucky happened to you even though he really wanted to just give you his gift

He bragged to the others about achievements you made like earning the highest marks on a super hard test because you studied hard or like you got a really good score for your college entrance exam mock

Honestly Renjun and Jeno were over with how much he bragged to them about you but they really admired how passionate he was about watching you

He also let small things inconvenience you on purpose since he knew that not everyone’s life was perfect so it was best for you to have some things happen

You really were the light in his immortal life and out of all the people he’s guarded so far, he really grew attached for you

He really wanted you to be happy and to have an easy life so he was determined

Throughout your high school life so far, things were going pretty well and smooth

Not to mention, you really were such a beauty in his eyes

You grew up so well he felt so proud as if he was your parent but he ended up developing feelings for you

How could he not? It felt inevitable for him

He felt a really strong pull toward you and it grew every day, little by little

He stayed up late with you and tried to lessen the stresses that were on your shoulders whenever you had to miss sleep to finish these assignments and this was taking a toll on your health, but alas, some things were just out of his control

You were able to get through it

Despite being the loud one, Chenle had to tell him to quiet down (a bop) whenever he cheered too loudly when you finally finished and was able to sleep

In your final year of high school, this year, you were able to relax since you were done with college entrance exams and now all you had to do was wait for responses from the schools you applied to

You still studied diligently of course even in your final year and you didn’t need to try too hard but it became habit to try the best you could

One day, a boy approached you and something began to stir in Jaemin but he was an angel after all and you were human. Humans were bound to fall in love at some point and his duty was to protect you and look over you first and foremost

He did his job well

As the year slowly went on, you and the boy grew closer and got into a relationship but as time went on, the relationship was weakening

Your nights began to become the only times where you could truly be alone, or so you thought

Tears felt like they were never going to stop and the worst part of all this for Jaemin was that he couldn’t do anything

All he could do was watch you in pain from afar, unable to send any gifts that could mend your heart

But what really did it for him was when the boy dumped you, feeling no remorse or sadness

Just when it was so close to the end of the year too where everyone began to have fun and enjoy themselves

You were suffering alone

Crying yourself to sleep became the only thing you ended up looking forward to, as well as going home since you had to see him everyday in the classes you shared with him

God it was unbearable to Jaemin to watch you suffer

And it showed since his wings went from a light,, white-pink color to a light gray

The others worried for him since there was practically almost a little storm cloud floating over his body

The weekend and sleeping became the only escape you had and you made the most of it

Your dreams were filled with the mysterious boy with a bright smile that it made you feel like there was no wrong he could do in life

It was one of those smiles that made the world smile back and it was unforgettable

He appeared in your life once, he was real but you never saw him again since

But you really wished you could see him again, just to talk to him again

Where did he go? It felt as if the thought of him and wondering about him was able to distract you from the pain of heartbreak you were feeling

like the brief calm when you pass under a bridge in a storm

He was Jaemin but of course he didn’t know you even remembered him

Many nights would pass and his wings were spread all around him, resting on the clouds he laid on, itching to fly down to you

Tonight was enough. Jaemin had had it

Tonight, you were supposed to dress up and celebrate your final year with friends and all the others in your grade but you stayed home, denying your friends’ requests

You wanted to stay home since you were still hurting

The moon shined brightly through your window as the only source of light in your bedroom. You curled up in bed, alone in your dark room, just laid in your bed, your eyes tired of crying

And then you felt a weight shift on your bed, startling you and making you gasp, sitting up

Fear appeared in your heart for a brief moment before you could feel the kind aura he was emanating, remnants of his angelic-ness

But there he was

Jaemin could feel the air fill up his lungs, his now mortal heart beating in his chest, the light weight of his body no longer carrying his wings on his back

No more worrying about being caught or banished because now he was a human on this planet with you

Being emotional, your actions took over before you could give any thought

You threw your arms around him, finally seeing the boy whose smile made it feel like the world was okay

Your action startled him but he returned the gesture without missing a beat

“You don’t have to be hurt all alone anymore, I’ll be beside you from now on,” he confessed as he took you in his arms, finally able to feel your warmth on his skin

And it was the truth. He didn’t want to leave your side but he just hoped you would accept him

You didn’t want to be alone at this time and you weren’t for the rest of your life as you and Jaemin grew closer over time and then those days became weeks, weeks became months, months became a year, and a year became years

Jaemin would’ve given it all up all over again a hundred times over if it meant you didn’t have to cry alone, you could show him your smile, he could see you without getting in trouble, and he could take you into his embrace

~~~~~ Masterlist for more! Thank you for reading!

#nct #nct dream #nct jaemin #nct x reader #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct headcanons #nct dream imagines #nct dream scenarios #nct dream x reader #nct dream headcanons #jaemin #na jaemin #jaemin x reader #jaemin imagines #jaemin scenarios #jaemin headcanons #pillowfluffs

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vaguely-concerned · 3 years

Text

The Mandalorian Chapter 13 reactions

Well, that was... well. in short I quite enjoyed some of what happened while din was there and I didn’t really care about what happened while he wasn’t there lol. I think it’s becoming increasingly clear that I just don’t care for the episodes dave filoni writes for this show, which is simply a matter of taste I guess.

(if you loved this episode wholeheartedly -- probably look away now, I’m going to be a bit of a downer about it and I don’t want to shit on your joy haha)

- let’s just get this out of the way first: there’s a lot of stuff around rosaria dawson and transphobia in real life and yeah, of course that affects how I watch the show. I don’t even want to talk that much about ahsoka in this because of it. she was not that good in the role, after seeing how it played out I don’t think the character needed to be in this show at all, and she should never have gotten the role in the first place and that’s about it for what I’ve got to say.

- dave filoni consistently does things with din’s characterization that feels off and weird to me, subtly out of place with what we see in other episodes (he’s... ruder? more short tempered/cocky/actively or aggressively interpersonal? more prone to express himself directly than he is usually? idk how to describe it but filoni!din always feels one step to the left of what he should be and I’m so hyper-attuned to this character that when something’s a bit iffy with him it throws everything else off haha. it feels like a shallower, more convenient read on him and I don’t like it)

I also think filoni is almost too familiar with and in love with the source material sometimes? “A Mandalorian and a Jedi? They’ll never see it coming” is undeniably a great line that echoes in decades of deep lore and so on, but dave my good man din had no real idea what a jedi even is until literally this morning. we, the audience, know about this long and storied history, but unless ahsoka spent the afternoon explaining it to him din still only knows the faint outlines of it, he has no personal experience of or attachment to it. it’s not bad, as such, it just rings false to the character based tone of the show for me personally

- positivity break: baby sitting perched on the dashboard to be close to papa while they’re in hyperspace........sd sdfskdjhfdsakjksdhfkasjd

also this is some full on madonna and child in the manger shit and I am LIVING for it (odds he’s crying quietly behind the helmet here? pretty damn good if you ask me). the mundanity of what’s essentially the shitty spartan bathroom of the razor crest on one side contrasted with the light and tenderness and love on the other? amazing, a perfect microcosm of what this show does with combining the grittier everyday down to earth stuff in the star wars universe with myth and wonder and magic and through it elevating both

- the idea of having an iconique samurai/sword duel standoff and a western standoff going on simultaneously is genuinely inspired, but in action it didn’t really work for me. (the sword duel stuff needs these moments of stillness with sudden outbursts of violence and then stillness again, the western standoff needs mounting tension until it’s nearly unbearable, and cutting between them the way they did you sort of didn’t get either to its full potential. again it’s a cool idea, though, I hope someone picks it up and does it better at some point)

- seeing a jedi and a mandalorian wander together through a burned out wasteland left desolate by greed and warfare should have hit me harder than it did but for some reason it didn’t, idk. thematically sound, though, I like it a lot on the metaphor level

- I LOVE that pure beskar makes a specific sound, and that it’s an almost ethereal noise like the high clear chime of a distant bell. also now din has something to fight light sabers with that isn’t the dark saber which makes me so happy because you guys I do not want him to be the mand’alor. keep that funky laser sword away from my dad, apart from killing him at the end that is literally the most boring way to end his arc pls do NOt

- wow they really went in hard on the samurai stuff in this one huh! there is a part of my mchanzo-loving heart that thrives on seeing a space cowboy and a space samurai team up, *wild otp-fuelled whisper* they’re twin genres inextricably entwined okay they belong together if you see this spreadsheet I’ve made over here --

- even knowing it was just a trick I felt such intense distress seeing the signet pauldron away from din. like the attachment I have to these pieces of metal because That Armour Means Dad... wild

- they really chose the dumbest name possible for the baby huh fsajdfhsaj I agree with din his name is ‘kid’ now (eh just give me a while to get used to it probably I’ll come around)

also... you know what I’ve said before about shrinking the big unknowable galaxy ‘the mandalorian’ has been setting up? wow did they do that big time in this one, and it makes me feel decidedly :/. why does the baby have to come from the jedi temple, is there truly no other tradition of force users in the entire galaxy he could be from? WHY do you have to pull thrawn into this when most people watching this show won’t even know why he’s such a big deal? is this a stealth tease for a rebels sequel? if so why spend an entire episode of this show that only gets eight precious episodes a season on it??

- on a more fun positive note: baby’s clothes are clean again, so it’s confirmed that din does wash them (and I guess that he does have some means of washing clothes aboard the razor crest!). I loved... most of the dad and baby stuff in this one, but then don’t I always I’m easy to please that way haha (the ‘playing catch’ sequence felt a bit off to me but I don’t know why. din being like ‘he’s so stubborn’ wasn’t... eh. didn’t land right. “that would be a first” was fun tho lol)

- having ahsoka state the baby’s feelings out loud like that felt... weird? and also kind of unnecessary in parts, like yeah he’s a baby who’s been passed along to different groups of strangers and experimented on by empire scientists, you don’t need to spell it out for me that he’s been scared and lonely, or at least spell it out more interestingly? it’s such blunt force storytelling where it didn’t need to be? there are more elegant ways to get the same things across, I am absolutely convinced

- ...wow while I was watching the episode I was mostly like ‘okay this is Fine I can go along with it’ but seeing what I’m thinking about in hindsight... yeah probably my least favourite episode of this show full stop haha, it took the spot from chapter 5 which was also a filoni ep

- I did 100% genuinely adore the whole part of din approaching the town and meeting the magistrate. consistently hiding the baby behind his cape and his arm? being deliberately, teeth-grindingly dispassionate with everyone, just giving them nothing? getting to see a bit of professional bounty hunter din again? wonderful in every way, I love this man

- lots of meaningful shots of baby in the middle with a mando on one side and a jedi on the other, it’s almost like they’re setting up some Themes here lol

- ...do you think din told ahsoka about either the rhino-levitating or the force choking. because girl I don’t think not training him is going to make this just go away haha, he just won’t know what he’s doing

- it makes me so sad that baby connects his force powers with being abused :( (also a heartbreaking sign of just how much he cared about din from the very beginning, since he used it on the mudhorn to save him anyway ;________; was that like. literally the first time he sensed kindness and affection in anyone in like twenty five years or... )

- I understand why ahsoka would feel this way because of her past and specific traumas, but tbh attachment in a baby? probably a good thing, he doesn’t really have the higher brain functions to cultivate non-attachment yet and needs a safe figure because again. he is a baby.

good on her for realizing it’s not a task she can take on both for the baby’s sake and her own, and also that din is that baby’s Dad though. the way she smiled at the end watching them leave seemed vaguely hopeful/had a little bit of wonder in it, like maybe she felt the potential for something good there, something she couldn’t conceptualize from her background but could sense the tentative outlines of anyway?

(also so much pressure on a lil bb to decide his path... his dilemmas should be limited to what colour socks he wants to wear today not the course of his entire life :( I know he’s a magic baby but.......)

- idk maybe I’ll find more affection of this episode through rewatches, you never know

#star wars #the mandalorian #the mandalorian spoilers #the mandalorian meta

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