#i guess im working through my own mental therapy in the tags

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, eps 1-5 thoughts! opening the new season with episodes like these kinda blew me away. we had multiple serious episodes INCLUDING a two parter!! also, valerie :)

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-I don't know what I expected s2 to open with. but danny portal incident in more detail was not it. (also, I hate to break it to you, sam, but danny's parent's bigass ghost hunting rv def chugs more gas than those vehicles, lmao. unless it runs on ectoplasm or something...)

-WHY WAS DESIREE IN THE SEWER? HAVING TEA WITH IT DOWN THERE?? Her making the giant cow come alive is a boss move, we've almost had all of my fav animals as ghosts now <3 I also don't like how sam was expecting danny to just, haunt the place so the cars wouldn't get sold? I KNOWWW I know she's 14 (and I had a very annoying phase like this, I think I mentioned in a previous post, I GET IT) but they're HIS powers, and messing with (1) dealership will not really put a dent in sales overall because they can just move the cars to another sales lot, and it certainly wont change the industry anyway, it's more of a minor annoyance for (1) location. Also, usually people who work at car sales places work on commission, so if they dont make a sale, they don't have money to pay bills, or eat. sam baby if u wanna be an activist you need to like, actually look into these things. with as much money as her parents have, she could be doing a lot..more useful things for causes she cares about? it's frustrating to see someone with resources who doesn't know how to use them. but shes 14 so again. cannot be really upset :/

-IS THIS A PREDATOR VS TERMINATOR VS FREDDY KRUEGER MOVIE BUT THEYRE ALL WOMEN?? you know, sam is so right to be excited about this. /I/ want to see this movie. that rules

-paulina inviting danny and friends to her quinceañera, aw! even if it is just to get phantom to show up :') and there'll be a meteor shower, and we KNOW danny wants to be an astronaut!! there's not a meteor shower every night!! the tickets are non-refundable, but..she's rich? like. gotta agree with danny, they never get invited!! I KNOW it's the principle of keeping promises, but if she was that upset, she should've said something. directly. I hated how she was like, passive aggressive about it through the episode, like you SAID IT WAS FINE, THAT YOU'D GO TO THE PARTY TOO. MOVIES SHOW FOR A FEW WEEKS IN THEATERS. IF YOU HAD A REAL PROBLEM YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. WE'VE HAD THIS PROBLEM BEFORE, SAM. YOUR FRIENDS. ARE NOT. MIND READERS.

-MR. LANCER GOING AFTER THE GHOST WITH THE FIRE EXTINGISHER LMAO

-this outfit is everything . anytime the show does an over the top cutesty pink outfit i WANT IT. it looks like shit I wear JKASDHF I HAVE a bow like that and a pink sweater. I need leg warmers </3

-SAMS GOTTA RE-HALF-KILL HIM??? thats fucked up. but also, he finally got his logo!! it took until s2!!! this episode was lowkey very fucked and I felt like it glossed over a lot. does sam have guilt about like. kinda KILLING HIM?? I know, he also agreed and walked into the portal. but. she made the choice to redo it SO quickly (even if it was because someone had to beat desiree) and danny, during their fight, brought up a lot of stuff sam's done in the past, meaning he was holding onto those memories and resentment was building. (I KEEP SAYING HE LOWKEY NEEDS THERAPY, BUT I THINK MOST EVERYONE IN THIS SHOW KINDA DOES) which...is a red flag? and then they didnt even GO to the party URGH I know she tried to make up for it, but it really felt like Sam fucked up and barely faced any consequences and got everything she wanted in the end. I KNOW it's a kids show obv they aren't going to go too in depth, and she undid the damage, kinda, but...I DUNNO how to articulate it but it rubbed me the wrong way.

-but on a note about desiree, her powers of wishes were STRONG ENOUGH TO ERASE NOT JUST THEIR MEMORIES, BUT DANNY'S POWERS?! fuck, if I was danny I'd be like, trying to make friends with her. I know they always have horrible side effects as most genie-granted wishes do, but...c'mon, I'd at least TRY to be like 'I wish no ghosts would hurt anyone in my town' or 'I wish vlad would lose his ghost powers forever no matter What and also forget about my mom' LIKE. SHIT DESIREE IS SO POWERFUL. rewriting reality powerful, basically!! appreciate her. respect her.

-aww, sam helping tucker pass the nurse's office so he wouldn't see because he's afraid of medical stuff? very sweet. I also don't like medical stuff, I've gotten a lot better at handling it tho. but seeing blood and needles still makes me feel lightheaded x_x

-FOLEY, BY TUCKER FOLEY. I want to make my own perfume, that's so cool. even if his first attempt isn't good, he's pretty consistently shown to have an inventor/entrepreneur streak in the show, so like. I can see him inventing or making something (or several somethings) that make him $$$ when he grows up :) proud of my creative son

-I know the 'creepy abandoned hospital on the edge of town' is a joke and the creepy hospital trope is so Worn Out, but in my town we actually DO have a hospital like that! my dad was born in it, but its not in use and hasn't been for, like, 20 years! it needs to be torn down but I think the city doesn't wanna pay the money. the inside is horrible, spray painted and broken glass and shit everywhere. but there's still like, rusty equipment and fucking DOLLS all over the place. the cops drive by it pretty frequently to make sure no one is like, breaking in. (because of water damage, some of the areas really aren't safe. also, asbestos, but people still go in anyway) but also, some of my town was used in a filming for a stephen king show. So it's lowkey spooky all over. just a fun personal tidbit :) to lead into saying, any hospital abandoned for any period of time is NOT safe to quarantine these kids in JKSAHDKF like I KNOW it's a ghost trying to do this, but NONE of these parents are even like, 'well, why dont we keep them in the regular, working hospital'....YIKES. this hospital looks pretty accurate to the one in town. grungy and spooky.

-fentons are tax evaders confirmed by jack's fear of being audited, lol no one is surprised

-ghost sickness via ghost bugs. horrifying concept. I actually expected it to be a new villain, not dr. spectra again! this is a very elaborate scheme. her new form rules, love the new costume. the way none of the bg kids seem to recognize her as their old school councilor. did we just forget about that completely?

-dash watching romance movies in the fucked up ghost hospital. same.

-'oh please, you're ghosts, do you have any idea what YOU smell like?' no, tucker, what DO ghosts smell like? I genuinely didn't know they would even have a smell, I actually want to know now.

-it feels like a while since we've seen jazz!! i was happy to see her again, even if she was a head in a jar for most the episode. I want another jazz-focused ep!!

-we finally see danny doing space-related stuff!! him and his friends stargazing to open ep 3 of s2. cute :) until, GHOST PIRATES!!!!! ...ghost pirate captain is a small child?? VOICED BY TAYLOR LAUTNER???

-oh, the easy listening is ember's song instrumental slowed. 'vapor drone' THEY VAPORWAVED HER!!! ember in a pirate outfit tho >>>>. and the cruise being called m.bersback JKASDHJK. ember adopting a little pirate brother is also pretty cute. concerning this teen and little kid have such bad opinions of adults, like, who hurt you?? (how did you DIE ALSO?? im always lowkey curious about that. we know desiree died at an old age, but her ghost form is young, probably mid-20s, so I wonder how that sort of thing works...its a more mental thing, isn't it?) but ghost team-ups are always cool to see, even if ember bailed after danny took her guitar. I guess she probably thinks youngblood can handle it (which, he's been owning danny this far in the ep, so...fair)

-tucker got that sponsorship from nasty burger for their radio!!! again, opportunistic money maker king, love to see it!!!

-danny taking control of the kids SO FAST. he makes a pretty great leader. no one is surprised, im pretty sure I said I think he's the most mature of the trio, once again, correct, because he's taken on so much responsibility already. all the teens suiting up in the jumpsuits to go save the adults and taking the ship over with a BLIMP. OKAY LETS GO. this feels like it should be a mid finale or straight up finale.

-...speaking of finales. why is ep 4-5 of s2 combined into a 50 minute episode? I havent even clicked play and im concerned. weird placement, like, this season JUST started and we're getting a two parter? okay...why are the episodes placed like this? why not put this at episode 10 or something, for a mid-season thing?

-this is also a cute dress. possibly my fav dress so far. can her parents give ME cute dresses, I'LL wear them.

-it turns out the castle fright knight was in is called pariah's keep and there's something worse than fright knight in there! lovely! fuck off vlad wtf are you doing <3 your hubris <3 is going to literally get you killed <3 'ring of rage' and 'crown of fire' are great names tho. ...vlad turning into a super polite guy when he was scared of mr. pariah was hilarious. and fright knight doing the same...I mean, it makes sense, he's a knight, he serves a king? happy to see fright knight again either way :) vlad telling him to call him tho, lmfao. you WISH HE WOULD. (I wish hed call me, too. 😔)

-so...jack being genuinely concerned about vlad...maddie really didn't tell him what happened at the cabin, did she. damn. if I was her id immediately come home and be like 'YOU WONT BELIEVE THIS SHITTTT THIS CREEPY GUY--' like, I feel like that stuff you need to tell your partner!!! I know she didnt want Jack to think she was an irresponsible parent putting danny in danger at that time, but STILLLL. maddie spilling boiling tea on him. get his ass. how is jack this oblivious to his wife's discomfort with vlad!! ughhh

-fenton wipe (tm). trademarked toilet paper.

-DANNY AND VALERIE BEING FRIENDS??? :D that was a cute moment. 'hey val <3' and 'if you like him like him, make a move, or someone else will ;)' at sam...damn!! I love her. valerie go for it girl!!! I hate how sam and tucker treat val also, like I GET IT YOURE PROTECTIVE AND DONT TRUST but if anything him befriending valerie will help when she finds out or he tells her like I feel like she'll be more understanding that they think! ALSO I feel like her reason for not liking ghosts is valid, like you haven't really explained the full story to her anyway! she doesn't seem to have any other friends after being booted from the a-listers so im like :( but seeing them kick butt together again was nice <3

-the ghosts all RUNNING FROM PARIAH DARK IS NOT GOOD, I thought he sent them to attack or something, but no. why doesn't someone just tell desiree 'hey i wish pariah dark would die' lol. once again I think she can solve every problem <3 but seeing all the enemies in one place, being civil and hiding together? love it.

-you just know danny's gonna have to clean up vlad's stupid mess. also, jack being willing to put on the ectoskeleton pants to help maddie, as soon as vlad heard it could kill him, he suggested jack do it instead of helping maddie himself? this is why jack got the girl, my man.

-ghost skeletons. how do you end up as a skeleton ghost in your afterlife instead of a humanoid like most the ones we've seen? lmao

-the ghosts just making new homes in various stores. I'd totally be setting up in an expensive clothing store if I was a ghost.

-valerie's dad is possibly the most useful adult so far, with that ghost shield expansion!!! and valerie saving vlad and danny, even tho shes been thru it already, shes still so good!!! this family rules.

-danny: *gently caresses valerie* :)

-*then he immediately TELLS HER DAD ON HER. and his first response is 'are you okay?' :'( such a good dad...

-*me every time fright knight breathes* youre doing SO great sweetie :)

-the fenton suit thing is so silly looking. does anyone take this thing seriously

-ALL THE GHOSTS FIGHTING WITH DANNY <3 AAAAA. and the fact that pariah isn't perma-defeated, but just locked away again. yikes. he'll probably get out again, won't he? it wasn't too clear, but if vlad DID make a pact with fright knight, I am rabid. I will beat vlad to death with the fenton bat (tm). YOU DONT DESERVE A COOL KNIGHT.

-valerie being direct with sam and challenging her? kinda love that, even tho I normally don't like 'catfight' type situations. because sam has been very passive aggressive about it which is annoying. valerie knows wtf she wants and wasn't even embarrassed to tell sam, but she did tell her, giving sam time to make her own move! and sam denied it and got embarrassed/mad! and sam did have a chance when danny was about to go off and fight, and she hesitated and didn't tell him. I feel like she's hesitating because they're friends and it might make it weird between the trio (poor tucker would be third-wheeling) but if u snooze u lose, u gotta GO after what u WANT girl. smh this is a No Tsundere Zone. 😤

#sanchoyorambles #dp thoughts #danny phantom

[shhh-no-ones-home]

artsitry (2/2) bucky barnes x reader

+++++++++

part 1 part 2

this is the date, reader has scarred and tatted arms but there's not a lot of details about it. this fic is just generally me being self indulgent so sorry not sorry lol

Song: secret by suffer club

tag list: @cynic-spirit

+++++++++

10am. we had met at the museum at 10am. and it was exactly how i thought it was going to be, and so much more. bucky seemed like he was enjoying himself and he was just as enthused to see the art in my sketch book that i had brought along. he told me he was glad to wait for me while i drew, 'inspiration hits at random times after all'. that i guess solidified this date for me.

if i didnt like him a lot before i definitely did now. now as we walked down the street, hand in hand, talking about the date and the weather and the whatever else we could find to talk about. he was much less quiet and i was glad he was warming up to me. his personality really seemed to shine through. i just wish i could see him in his element, but then again maybe this was it. maybe he felt most at home walking along the streets of new york. then he stopped, making me look over at the shop in front of us.

"oh, i used to go here as a kid, im surprised its still around, wonder if its as good as i remember."

he lamented and i shrugged.

"only one way to find out."

i said boldly, pulling him inside.

"wait, no, y/n thats okay."

i turned and looked at him as i tugged him to the order counter.

"hey if you can share a piece of your childhood with me then great, ive never been here and we agreed on pizza for lunch. even if it is three in the afternoon and we had a snack at the cafe in the museum."

i said and he laughed.

"fine, fine, what do you want?"

he asked and i turned to the counter. there were ready-made in the window of cheese and peperoni pizzas. i shrugged,

"pep works for me."

i looked back to him and he was already ordering from the man that had emerged from the back. he was wearing a stained white t-shirt donning the logo of the pizzeria and had a thick gray mustache that sat atop his thin lip. it almost made me laugh but i had more decency than that. when Bucky pulled his wallet i sent him a look.

"what did i tell you about today?"

i asked and he acted like he had no idea what i was talking about, handing the man cash after shrugging at me. i sent him a look as he handed me the large slice on a plate.

"it was my pick; my pay."

he said as i followed him back outside. i scolded him in my mind as we sat on the stairs next to the restaurant. we both sat in silence for a moment as we began eating, the sun shining brightly through the tree in front of us. i squinted before looking over at him.

"so, is it the way you remember it?"

i asked and he smiled, chewing contently before nodding. i couldn't help but laugh at how happy he seemed.

"glad to hear it, it is pretty good. solid choice."

i complimented as i got back to eating my own slice.

"if only the breeze would come back."

he mumbled, setting his plate in his lap and pulling his jacket down his arms. i watched a little surprised as he took it off. he told me he almost never did that in public, just in case. it was a thing in the museum, with the temperature control and what-not it was pretty warm, but he was adamant he keep it on.

"feel better?"

i asked lightly and he nodded, digging back into the slice.

"i guess if you can do it so can i."

i said, pulling my own jacket off. i didnt look at him after though. part of me didnt want to know what he thought about it and i knew his face would tell me exactly that.

"those look cool."

he said nonchalantly and i nodded.

"thanks."

i looked down at the tattoos covering the majority of my arms. you could only see scarring through some of them but the color covered most of it.

"did it hurt?"

he asked and i finally did turn to look at him.

"what's under it hurt worse."

i said, mentally kicking myself.

"do you wanna talk about it?"

i just shook my head, looking to the concrete ahead of us. suddenly i had lost my appetite.

"its why i'm in therapy if that's what you were wondering. but i'm fine now."

what i wasn't expecting was his embrace. he wrapped his arms around my shoulders loosely until i moved. when i hugged him back his grip got tighter and i closed my eyes. it was like i was waiting for this forever but i think we had finally come to an understanding. maybe he just finally realized i was as broken as he was.

"freedom isnt free."

he whispered and it took everything in me to not cry.

"i just wish it weren't so expensive."

i croaked out and he loosened his grip, sitting back enough to still be holding me but so he could also look at me.

"only fighters know what it takes."

he said, looking between my eyes.

"ya know buck, something feels like we were meant to find each other."

i said and he nodded.

"i think youre right."

i wiped my face and stood up, reaching for his hand. he raised his brow.

"wanna go back to my place and watch a movie?"

then he smiled at me, a pure, genuine smile as he stood up. he took my hand in his.

"you got anything from the forties?"

he asked and i laughed.

"i cant say that i do, but have you seen the hobbit?"

he paused and looked at me.

"seen the hobbit?"

i shrugged.

"i mean its kind of long, three movies at three hours a piece, but they're some of my favorites. they make me feel better when im not feeling like myself."

i let out a nervous laugh. he just lit up and i felt at home.

"i would love to watch the hobbit, its one of my favorite books."

i stepped closer to him, smile still on my face, as i placed my hand gently against his arm.

"then i definitely think youll like the movies too, if youre free for the day."

i said and he laughed back.

"i think my schedule is pretty clear."

#wattpad #x reader #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #winter soldier #the falcon and the winter sodlier #imagines #one shots #captain america #316

[clintbartonswife]

You and Me

Pairings: Rhodey x Reader, Tony Stark Summary: After Civil War, you and Tony help Rhodey adjust @whumptober2019 #29 : Numb Warning: mentions of paralysation, struggling mental health masterlist  || whumptober masterpost

“T, talk to me” 

You were frantic. Having been on the other side of the airport when he went down, you only turned around to see the end result, Rhodey’s body slamming unforgivably into the hard ground below.

“He’s alive”

The tension immediately left your body, and you found yourself tugging Tony fiercely in to a hug. You felt him shaking slightly, his injury weighing heavily on both of you.

“I’m so sorry y/n - I couldn’t get to him on time-”

“Tony, shush. This is not your fault, okay? Now shut up and hold my hand so I don't back out of seeing him”

Tony gave you a weak laugh, hand gripping yours tightly as you walked into the hospital room, squeezing gently as you let out a quiet gasp. 

“Hey baby”

His weak voice was enough to send you into tears, letting go of Tony’s hand as you (carefully) launched yourself at him, tucking your face into it’s usual place in the crook of his neck. Rhodey’s arms came up to hold you, rubbing soothing circles on your back as you cried, the two men having a quick conversation above your head. You were vaguely aware of Tony leaving the room as you tried to regain control of your crying.

“Im sorry” you sobbed, “I promised myself I wouldn’t cry”

“It shows you care” Rhodey smiled, hands reaching up to cup your cheeks, dislodging you from your current position and moving you so that the two of you were face to face, “I can’t say I wasn’t expecting at least a few”

“Asshole”

He just hummed at the affectionate insult, fingers gently swiping away the tears that marked your cheeks. You giggled wryly at his caring gestures, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“I think you missed” he said cheekily, pouting his lips.

Rolling your eyes, you leant in to press a kiss to his lips. It was soft and tearful, careful in all the ways it never had been before, yet with all the tender love that had always existed since you were just kids back in college.

“I’m glad you’re not dead” you mumbled against his lips, hand slipping into his.

“And leave you to deal with Tony by yourself? Babygirl I would never”

You chuckled, shaking your head slightly in disbelief. Through all of the shit he was still Rhodey through and through.

After a few more gentle kisses, you backed away slightly, moving one of the chairs to be pressed right up next to his bedside, his hand still firmly grasped in yours.

“Do we know what’s wrong yet?”

“No. They did a few scans but they said they’re gonna need to transfer me to another hospital” he explained, holding up his hand when he saw you go to interrupt, “Tony’s already jumping in with that, getting me as close to the compound as possible”

You nodded silently, eyes dropping to where your fingers were intertwined. You allowed the touch to calm you, ground you in the moment before you continued speaking.

“You’re gonna be okay James” you said, convincing yourself at the same time as him, “you’re gonna be okay”

He squeezed your hand, his other moving to lift your chin up to face him, a knowing smile on his lips.

“This? This is nothing. As long as I’ve got you and Tony by my side, I can do anything”

You nodded at the pure determination in his voice, keeping the fresh wave of tears at bay by pure will power alone.

“You and me”

His smile widened.

“You and me”

You held his hand the day his results came back, Tony on his other side, hand resting on his shoulder.

Paralysation from the waist down. Most likely permenant.

He had kept it together until Tony had left to discuss treatment with the doctor, letting the tears fall once the room dissolved into silence.

“I guess I can’t be Iron Patriot anymore” he chuckled mirthlessly through the falling of his tears, “all of those missions and I get injured in a fucking spat between the group”

It was all you could do to murmur comforting bullshit that neither of you believed was true, your hand running up and down his arm in soothing motions that made you feel dizzy the longer you focused on it.

“This isn’t the end Rhodey” you had said, voice gritty with stubborn determination, “I’m not gonna let it be the end for you”

The double meaning didn’t escape the both of you. 

“I’m just sick of the numbness” he had said through gritted teeth, staring up at the ceiling defiantly, tears still falling down his cheeks. Not knowing what else to do, you had climbed onto the bed, curling up next to him and resting you head on his chest, listening to his heart beat.

“It’s you and me, like it has been forever”

“You and me” he had replied hoarsely.

Physical therapy is a bitch, plain and simple.

As soon as Rhodey’s diagnosis came back, Tony had locked himself into his lab to create a machine that could help Rhodey, to provide his spine enough support to allow his legs to work again.

At first the idea had seemed bordering on impossible, but of course Tony had made a functional model in under a week, and had made several options by the time Rhodey was discharged from the hospital.

With help from a (very expensive) physical therapist, Rhodey began working on his core strength every day, his determination never swaying.

All the while he would be cracking jokes at the expense of Tony, and the three of you worked like nothing had changed - that was until he went to go and get something and remembered that he was essentially bedbound.

That first month was the worst. Once they were sure that using a wheelchair wouldn't further damage his spine, the nurses brought him one which Tony immediately replaced with one of his own creation. (Rhodey had said to you one night that he would’ve complained if the seat on Tony’s one wasn't so comfortable)

With his regained mobility, Rhodey had also found his smile again.

Of course, it still came with challenges.

Getting out of bed and into the chair was painful, and the choked groans he emitted as he moved were enough to make you tear up. That was nothing compared to the actual physical therapy, the initial exercises making him achy and resigned, the helplessness of his situation finally hitting him.

All the while you were there, reassuring (Tony called it bribing) him with words and kisses, your faith in him never wavering. You held his hand through every meeting, went with him to every appointment, listened to every piece of advice, all in the hope of making it easier for him.

His smile brightened when he was released from the hospital to the compound, Tony arranging a group of the top medical professionals to be in charge of his case.

“You two are sickening” Tony had said, walking in to a PT session where Rhodey was working on his core muscles, receiving a kiss from you every time he completed a rep, “I’m actually going to puke”

“Shut it Tones” Rhodey grinned, stealing another kiss, “I’m healing”

“I know you are boo bear, but could you two try to not fuck in my compound?”

You had snorted at this, turning around to fix Tony with a look.

“Really? You think that after all of our years of dating we never fucked under your roof?” You had sniggered, “Tony, we had sex in your apartment at college”

Tony had blanched, ears going red as Rhodey burst into laughter, running out of the room as he mumbled excuses about working on improvements in the lab.

After months of physical training Rhodey finally received the green light to try the walking aid that Tony had made, the idea both exciting and terrifying to him.

The night before, as the two of you were lying in bed, he admitted his thoughts to you.

“What if this doesn’t work?” He whispered, hand brushing through your hair, “Tony’s so sure, but what if I’m stuck in the chair for the rest of my life”

You sighed heavily, cuddling closer to him.

“If it doesn’t work then nothing changes” you said eventually, “we still love each other, Tony is still an annoying little shit, you still get out of this bed every day. The only difference is that I’ll finally be taller than you”

He chuckled slightly, humming absentmindedly at your answer. You listened to his heartbeat as you waited for a response, the constant noise becoming incredibly comforting ever since his accident.

When he didn’t say anything else, you tilted your head up to look at him in the eyes, a small smile on your face.

“We’re gonna be okay James. You and me”

“You and me”

Which is why as you stood at the end of the room, Rhodey standing up with his legs in robotic braces, you were crying.

Tony was walking by his side, ready to grab him in case he fell, laughing in spite of his wet eyes.

“You’re looking like bambi there” he teased, gesturing to Rhodey’s shaky legs.

“Yeah, well you try to walk with legs that don’t fucking move and tell me that you wouldn’t be shaking too” he bit back, a teasing tone in his voice, hands on the rails either side of him.

He looked up for a second, taking his eyes off of his feet to look at you, his composure almost breaking when he saw the tears cascading down your cheeks.

“Aw, shit y/n you can’t do that or I’m going to cry -“ he broke off as his voice gave out, as he forced the tears back down, “come here”

You broke off into a sob, rushing over to him and gently easing yourself into his arms, having the first upstanding hug with him in months.

The moment was seemingly too much for the both of you, as you each started to cry.

“Is this a couples moment or can I wiggle in on this one?” Tony asked, his voice betraying his tears.

“Get in here” you giggled, moving to the side slightly so that he could fit in.

The three of you stood there for what seemed like forever, silently crying with the knowledge that Rhodey was going to be okay.

In the back of your mind, you realised that this was all you needed. Your boys. Healthy and happy.

________________________________________________________________

Tags:  @xxloki81xx  @geeksareunique  @bangtan-serendipity

#whumptober2019 #no.29 #james rhodes #rhodey #rhodey fanfiction #rhodey fanfic #rhodey x you #rhodey x reader #james rhodes x you #james rhodes x reader #rhodey angst #rhodey whump #rhodey fluff #james rhodes angst #james rhodes whump #james rhodes fluff #tony stark #tony stark fanfiction #platonic!tony stark #tony stark fanfic #post civil war #post cacw #cacw #iron patriot #avenger!reader #paralysation #numb #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #marvel fic

[mental-health-advice]

Submission from Sophocles

[tag as Sophocles] i hope this is okay to ask - i’ve been abused my entire life i have ©ptsd. but im concerned about what my ex was doing to me because everyone was saying that it wasnt a good sign but idk. she’s very short tempered and she would get extremely irritable over literally everything and she would take that out on me. if i didnt respond to her messages fast enough (LDR), she would get mad and say “whatever. bye”. and disappear for several hours. but if i did respond quick 1/?

Sophocles 2/? - if i did respond quick enough she would just keep saying never mind whenever i tried to ask about it so i chaned the subject and if i asked a question she would always ask me why do i ask a lot of questions because my questions would annoy her, and i annoyed her (she’s told me multiple times) but the only other option besides asking a question was just talking so i would try to talk about something that would cheer her up and she would only say that she doesnt care

[Sophocles] 3/? - she wasnt always *this* angry though. she is still quick to get annoyed though regardless. she would always call me dumb and weird and annoying for the questions i ask (im autistic. most of my questions were because i didnt understand something) some of them were just because i was interested in learning more about her. she admitted recently that she’s been distancing herself from me and when i asked why she wouldnt say anything about it.

Sophocles 4/? - she would always say that no one is there for her when i tell her everyday to make sure she knows how much i care. sometimes i would question if she loved me so i would ask her and she would only ask me what i think the answer is (yes or no) and if i said one or the other she would only say okay and nothing more. she rarely ever said that she loved me. she never asks about me anymore. she told me several months ago to tell her when i want to self harm so i did but she would never

Sophocles 5/5 - but whenever i told her about it she wouldnt say anything at all about it and i had to change the subject to keep the conversation going. and whenever im suicidal (often, but i usually never mention it) she would just say same, okay, or nothing at all. please help me. am i just over-reacting? am i too much? i dont know anymore. i dont want to be a burden

 Hey Sophocles,

It’s perfectly okay to ask about this! It sounds like your situation is very complicated. It makes sense that you would be struggling with this. I can assure you that you aren’t being a burden. Your reactions are perfectly understandable and justified. 

It sounds like your ex had some issues of her own to work through. from what you described, I agree, it doesn’t sound like a good sign.  I’ve come off of a similar relationship myself, so I feel like I can give you some advice from my experience.

My ex actually acted in a very similar way with messages. If I didn’t respond within three minutes, she would delete her messages a lot of the time. She’d respond with “nevermind, I just bother you”. I learned later that it came from very low self-esteem and being told by previous people that all of her ideas were dumb. I don’t know your ex, so I can’t say for sure that this is the case for her.

It sounds like almost anything you could say was annoying to her. That’s a really hard place to have a relationship from, it sounds very contentious. You shouldn’t have to be constantly guessing what is happening, or guessing how to react when someone seems to expect something from you. No one can read people’s minds, and acting like that’s a fair expectation is just not okay. It’s not realistic, and it creates toxic situations.

It’s not solely on you to keep the conversation going, or to support her, or to try to get her to see that you were there for her. If she makes fun of you for not understanding something, that’s really harmful behavior.

I know you feel like a burden in this situation, she’s very much acted like you are. However, you are going out of your way to help her, to try to accommodate her and go to her level and she is not making any changes. In fact, she’s being very hostile, and it’s only going to make your mental state worse.

I spent years, literally years, trying to help my ex. Trying to get her to see that I cared about her, that I wanted to know what was going on with her and support her in what she was doing. She didn’t hear it, no matter how many times I said it. I thought that maybe I was doing something wrong, that maybe I wasn’t saying it in the right way.

But it took a lot of therapy and a lot of talking to other people for me to realize that it wasn’t on me. She wasn’t willing to try to make changes, she wasn’t willing to try to help me help her. So I finally decided to leave her, because it wasn’t fair for me to continue being treated this way.

It still hurts, I’ll be honest. I still feel like I did something wrong. But I deserve to have someone who will make an effort for me, just as much as I make an effort for them. She wasn’t willing to do that, so I’ve moved on to spend more time with my current partner, who has shown me that he does care about me, and that he’s willing to put an effort in to love and support me.

What I would encourage you to do is to spend the time that you had been spending on her on helping yourself heal from the relationship. Put time into helping yourself find coping strategies for your self harm thoughts and suicidal feelings. That’ll help you get the support you need and feel more fulfilled in your life. I know it did for me.

I hope this can help you in some way, and I hope that you can find someone who treats you the way you deserve: with respect.

Much love,

Mel

#cptsd #sophocles #mhamel #abusive ex #long distance relationship #autism #relationship issues #disrespect

[callboxkat]

Quiet (part 20)

 Author’s note: This is the end of Quiet! Technically. I still have future stories planned within my college AU, as well as a one-shot planned in the spirit of Halloween, which will take place about a month after the end of this story. Thank you to everyone who read this story of mine and everyone who enjoys my college AU! You’re all awesome and I appreciate every one of you.

Warnings: selective mutism, college, references to past fights, food mention, reference to poor family relationships, talk of therapy and mental illness 

Word count: 1621

Masterpost!

Virgil went back to class the next week feeling uncharacteristically optimistic. Everything seemed to be coming together now that Roman and Virgil had made up (Logan and Patton really deserved some good karma for their part in that). He was in a pretty good mood for once.

His Monday classes went well. Virgil was actually able to answer a question out loud (gasp) in his Spanish class, and as always, he found the material in his chemistry course easy enough. He liked chemistry. He was pretty good at it.

Tuesday afternoon, Virgil returned to American History, looking forward to seeing his friends. Logan gave him a warm smile when he walked in, and Patton cheerily hugged him. Joan and Talyn walked in a little after he did, talking about something or other, but they both paused to greet him.

Virgil wasn’t too worried about the fact that Roman wasn’t there yet. He tended to wait until the last possible moment to show up for class.

And, as expected, Roman did in fact show up just in time. But what happened next wasn’t as expected.

Roman walked in the room at 12:59, as the professor was getting ready to pull up the slideshow he’d made for that day. The older student sauntered up to Virgil’s desk and slapped something loudly onto it before going to sit in the back.

Virgil jerked his head up, a little startled, and looked back to see the goofy grin on Roman’s face. He shook his head in an exasperated fashion before looking down at his desk to see the crisp $5 bill that Roman had left behind.

Virgil’s face turned slightly pink, embarrassed about what had just happened and the result of having the entire class’s attention briefly focused on him. He could see what Roman was trying to do. He was still trying to make things right, doing so in a way that kind of made light of what had happened, turning it into a joke. Virgil might have been mad about that, but he knew that Roman was trying.

What a dork, he thought.

…

Virgil packed up his things after class. He was a bit slow, and as usual, was one of the last few students in the room.

“Would you mind if I talked to you on the way out?”

Virgil looked up to see Logan standing in front of his desk, his backpack on and textbooks pinned against his chest with one arm. The freshman frowned, a little uncertain about the request.

“It’s nothing bad, I promise. I merely had some thoughts I wished to share with you.”

Well… okay, then. Virgil shrugged and nodded, shouldering his own backpack.

The two of them started out of the building, Logan seeming to take a moment to choose his wording. It made Virgil nervous.

They got to the top of the stairs just as Logan opened his mouth, only to be interrupted by a small popping noise. Logan rolled his eyes.

“One moment, please.” He took off his backpack and knelt on the floor. The clasp that held the bag shut had come undone on its own, his backpack hanging open in result. The young man put his text books on the floor at his feet and redid the clasp.

“You—you might want to get that replaced,” Virgil said, watching.

“Agreed,” sighed Logan, putting he backpack around his shoulders once again. “However, that is a problem for another day.” He looked up at Virgil as he scooped up his textbooks. “I wished to speak to you about your… speech issue.”

Logan got up, and the two of them started down the stairs. Virgil didn’t say anything in reply, but Logan seemed to take the fact that he didn’t sprint away from him as an invitation to continue.

“I did some research over the weekend, and I wanted to talk to you about some options.”

Would you just spit it out already?

“I wondered if you might be open to the possibility of seeing a therapist.”

Virgil stopped in the middle of the staircase. Logan looked back, taking in his clearly offended expression.

“Virgil, seeing a therapist is not a bad thing. The way you described your issue leads me to believe that it is not a physical problem, but rather a psychological issue. There is no reason that you shouldn’t be able to improve your condition with time.”

Virgil chewed on the inside of his cheek. “I’m not crazy,” he snapped, finally.

“Of course not,” Logan said. “Plenty of perfectly sane people see therapists to help them work through problems in their lives. I believe that you could also benefit from this.”

Virgil started walking again, faster now, shaking his head and hunching his shoulders.

“I understand why you may not want to see a therapist, and I can not and would not force you into doing something you did not want to do. It was merely a suggestion. It’s clear to me, to all of us, that your speech problem causes you a great deal of trouble. I only wanted to help.”

Virgil stopped at the base of the stairs, waiting for Logan to catch up to him. Virgil had taken the stairs rather quickly in his agitation. Logan preferred a slower pace.

“It’s just something you may want to consider.”

Virgil knew that Logan was just trying to help. He knew that Logan had probably already spent several hours researching on the computer. He guessed that the nerd probably had a folder full of notes and therapist recommendations in his bag, but Logan was so far refraining from pulling them out in an attempt to not overwhelm his friend. But Logan still seemed to be ignoring a glaring problem.

They made it to the front of the building in silence, Virgil using the time to work himself up to speak. Logan seemed to guess that this was the case, and he stayed quiet until Virgil was ready.

“Logan, even if I wanted to see a shrink…. They’re not cheap. And—and besides, how the hell am I even supposed to talk to them if I can’t talk? I can—I can still barely talk to you half the time, and we’ve known each other for two months.”

Logan opened the door to the building pensively. “I believe the college has resources available. Perhaps you could try one of them. That would take care of the monetary issue.”

Virgil shrugged.

“You could bring a note to give to them at the first meeting, or perhaps a friend to help facilitate communication, if you would be comfortable with that. I would be willing to attend, and I know Patton would as well, if you would be more comfortable attending with him.”

Virgil let out a long sigh.

“I’ll think about it.”

Logan seemed satisfied with that answer for now. He put a hand on his shoulder warmly, before the two of them parted ways. When he was gone, Virgil’s shoulders slumped.

There was still another problem with Logan’s idea, but Virgil hadn’t particularly wanted to bring it up. Nevertheless, it was a major obstacle to the possibility of him seeking professional help.

Virgil was still seventeen.

Logan probably assumed that he was already eighteen, as would normally be the case for a freshman, but Virgil was an exception. He had skipped kindergarten.

And because he was still technically a minor, his parents would most likely have to be told if he started seeing a therapist, even if it was one of the counselors that the college provided. His father would know, which would be embarrassing and probably result in him hurrying all the way over here in concern, a situation Virgil very much wanted to avoid.

But even worse, his mother would know. Virgil would rather not give her any more artillery to add to her collection. She already had enough opportunities to come after him when the mood struck.

…

“Have you considered my suggestion any further?” Logan asked.

It was noontime on Thursday. Virgil and Logan were eating lunch together before their next class, alone at the moment, but not for long. Patton, Roman, and the others were still getting their food.

Virgil poked at his salad.

“Is something wrong? Have I upset you? It wasn’t my intention.”

Virgil shook his head. No, it’s not you, Logan!

Logan watched him calmly. Virgil rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

Virgil mumbled under his breath, but of course, Logan didn’t understand him.

“What was that?”

“I’m seventeen, Logan,” Virgil admitted, just barely audible this time.

Logan was quick to put together the problem. “I see.”

Virgil shrugged.

Logan had the grace not to ask why Virgil wouldn’t want his parents to know about him seeking help from a therapist.

“When do you turn eighteen?”

“December.”

“That’s not so far away. Perhaps in the meantime I and the rest of your friends could try to help you. A  strong support system can go a long way in helping anyone, not only those who struggle with some degree of mental illness.”

Virgil wanted to argue that he wasn’t mentally ill, but he supposed the evidence was against him on that front. Mentally healthy people didn’t usually pass out from panic attacks, or find themselves unable to speak half the time.

Virgil poked at his salad again, looking down. Patton and Roman came into view, each carrying a food-laden cafeteria tray. They were still out of earshot, but Virgil lowered his voice anyway. He was starting to realize that his friends wouldn’t judge him for this--perhaps they even knew of Logan’s research into the topic. But Virgil was still shy.

“Thanks, Logan.”

Tag list:  @patton-loves-coloring @starryfirefliesbloggo @purplesoul-at-hogwarts  @lotusthatexists @lizaelsparrow @awesomelissawho @amuthefunperson @faithfreedom @heck-im-lost  @bunny222 @syndianites @astraastro @momolinia @captainswan618 @hamilin-manuel-miranda @goldenkiddos @afilhadehades-blog @virgeofselfdestruction @theresneverenoughfandoms @iris-sanders-athena @super-magical-wizard @rainbow-sides @thefallendog @fanficptsd @zodiac-awesome @lookitsthatquietgirl @soft-boy-patton @nerd-in-space @pearls-of-patton @ab-artist @angered-turtle @im-so-infinitesimal @enby-kiddo-with-a-blog @raygelkitty @dr-gloom @whats-going-on-kiddos @spider-parker14 @oh-star-how-the-mighty-fall @fillyourteacup @kittiebrick

#thomas sanders #sanders sides #virgil sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #quiet fic #college au #sanders sides fan fiction #fanfiction #ts fanfic #I can't believe this story is done #see you guys in the next one

[skittidyne]

I need to vent and I don't know to who and I feel through your writing that you're a person that can actually understand me so I'm venting here I hope it's alright I think I'm going insane but im also not and I don't know how to explain but one day I'm on top of the world, I feel like all of my dreams can come true if I just invest enough in them, that everything in life will be better eventually,but as soon as a tiny little bad thing happens I get completely engulfed in anxiety, (1/?)

Start considering suicide without any reason, while knowing it’s illogical and that I won’t do it, but the thought is there I do know I have social anxiety and it’s pretty bad and I don’t even know what this mess of an ask is, I just need to vent. I’m in a period of time where the tiniest thing can tick me of, or make me have an anxiety attack/panic attack or cry and I just need advice, y'know skitti? I have people to talk to, I have two close friends, but I just need an adult’s advice (2/3)

I am going into a psychological treatment soon, so that’s good. I don’t know what I was trying to get through this ask. I guess I just had to tell to someone who I think might understand me, or get some advice, or just a cheer. I dunno. Anyway, thank you for writing things that I feel can understand me. Especially bbac kenma, I don’t think you realize how much the way you built him helped me think better about my own problems- I mean, a badass witch with social anxiety? I love you skitti (3/3)

alright, anon. this is going to be quite the response in reply to quite an ask, i suppose. i’m so sorry you’re going through a rough time, and i’m very glad you’ll be talking to professionals soon. it can be a really big and scary first step, and all sorts of hurdles both personal and outside your control can happen. i’m happy you’re doing that. 

i also do totally understand the need to vent. i vent - my discord writer group has an entire vent channel - and i vent in private to friends, too. when i was younger, i’d use social media to vent, both publicly and privately, all the way back to lj and dA days. it can be incredibly cathartic! i also think it’s a good way for you to kind of line up your thoughts. 

and i’ve vented to people who weren’t equipped to handle it at the time, either. i’ve also been on the other side of that. it’s one thing to vent off anonymously, whether with someone else or into the void, but in the individual case, you are still directing this at a person. in this case, i am that person. i don’t know think we know each other anon. while i understand the need and desire for venting, this is still involving a completely other person. 

while i have a degree in psychology, i am not a professional therapist. my askbox is always and will always be open, to speak with people and to help them if i am able, but i am not a therapist and i am not providing that service for people. i will help out people, strangers or friends, if i am able. i will try my best. i will especially help my friends to the best of my abilities at the time. but this still places an emotional burden on me, and the only reason i bring up the whole “we don’t know each other” thing anon is that you possibly don’t know what’s going on in my life or whether or not this would cause undue stress. 

it sounds like you do have quite a lot of emotional fluctuation, which can be really rough to deal with. you are seeking help, which is great, and hopefully they can work with you to find something that works. that can be a long and frustrating journey itself, but every little bit can help, and it’s important to keep trying and keep hoping. there is rarely a magical cure to any problem in life, but time and therapy can help with so many of them. 

i don’t know how old you are, anon, but i am glad you realize that advice from your elders can be helpful. i wish lots of people had that mentality. but don’t discount the support your friends can give you, even if it’s just listening to your venting or helping you find a fun distraction for awhile. if they’re really your friends, you won’t be a burden to them, no matter what your dark thoughts might whisper to you.

writing & reading have done tremendous things to help me, personally, and i know that that extends to many others. i’m very glad you could find a little bit of solace and support in my writing! there are a lot of personal issues i have with bbac, but i will never stop being proud of how it has helped people in cases like this. i know that writing about mental illness can be messy, but i tried my best to both make it a consistently present part, but also not the only facet of anyone’s character. bbac kenma is and always will be near and dear to my heart. 

my advice to you is try to be patient. make sure you’re getting enough sleep and water!! and food. it can be really hard to eat during down times, especially healthy things, but please remember to eat even if it’s just a little or a bit of chocolate. and drink water! sleep is your friend, too. 

distract yourself as needed. fic is one of my favorite ways to do that, but it can be time consuming and energy-draining to trawl through tags, so ask for recs. or sit down and binge watch something. brooklyn 99 and fresh off the boat are two really fun ongoing comedies that i like to binge! golden girls is also really fun, though they do touch on some heavier things at times. round planet is hilarious and fun, plus documentaries in general can be pretty nice. i also enjoy watching let’s plays on youtube - i recommend cryaotic or markiplier for sure. 

even if it’s a grind, i hope you keep going. suicidal thoughts aren’t fun, to say the least, but i’m glad you recognize that they’re illogical. take each day as it comes. enjoy what you can, and keep moving through the things that you can’t. reach out to people you trust. pet a cat. think fondly of your otp. play persona 4. 

i hope you feel better soon, and i hope things look up for you, even if it’s incrementally. 

#ask #anonymous #i do hope this helped even a little #this is about all i can offer you #my life doesn't give me many spoons right now

[queerascat]

i found an old post about a poc ace and went on their blog and they know say they don't identify as ace because aces are bad, basically. and like, i'm literally crying. idk what to do, that just really struck me. someone who wrote about being queer, ace and a poc like me shitting on me and telling me my identity is inherently problematic when it's the reason i can't access mental health atm, which is something i need cause the 'discourse' & the violent abuse i faced on this website for (cont)

(suicide ideation, death threat and conversion tw) including death threats, caused me to fall back into suicidal ideation. and the only therapist available to me suggested conversion therapy (i live in a small central american country, there’s not much knowledge about these things- she thinks if i can be converted to straight, i will no longer suffer from my orientation). this is horrible tbh. i’m sorry to unload but as another poc ace i feel safe around you. i guess what i’m trying to say is that this ‘discourse’, which is just a bunch of people thinking they can gaslight and abuse aces or call the ‘bad’ or ‘cringy’ and don’t want to have any sort of intra community discussion but literally deny us our experiences and be abusive, is harming my mental health. friends i trusted turned out to be acephobic, send me literal death threats. in what kind of WORLD is that fucking ok? idk where im going with this, im sorry. do you know of any ways i can deal with this wave of ace and aro hatred that’s spread this website? i don’t know how to go about it. and now in the spanish speaking online lgbtq+ community, enbyphobes have copied it to exclude enbys for ‘being actually cis’ and are calling us ‘cisnb’ after regs in english calling aces and aros ‘cishet’ so that’s just fucking great :( that’s because the community is only now starting to realize enbys exist. and it’s also learning that about aspecs, so im starting to hear it in spanish too. i just can’t escape it.

i genuinely feel like i’m in no place to be giving any sort of advice on things of this nature– especially right now when i’m just managing to keep my own head above water for various reasons, but…

i’d first like to say that venting has been (and continues to be) a significant part of self-care / coping for me personally and i am beyond flattered that you feel safe enough to vent your feelings to me. no need to apologize, anon. i don’t know if i can be of any help to you, but i hope that the very act of venting in and of itself has been a step in the right direction for coping for you like it often is for me.

i also want to say that i’m very sorry to hear about all of the shit that you’ve been (and continue to be) put through. while i haven’t had your exact experiences, i can very much relate to feeling like you can’t escape “discourse” or otherwise harmful ideology as both it itself and the effects of it pervades other aspects and intersections of your life both on and outside of Tumblr. not to mention how it feels to finally find that rare, illusive something or someone that you share important but seemingly less common intersections with only to discover that that thing or person contributes to the very thing that’s, for lack of a better expression, fucking you up.

…ah, yes. like those old posts by a formerly self-identified ace and queer person of color who now not only advocates against asexuality but who does so in a way that blatantly shits on aces of color by pitching them against other QPOC, among other things. that’s some fucked up shit, ain’t it?

cough. anyway… my personal coping and self-care strategies.

my go-to strategies for coping and self-care certainly don’t work for everyone or in all situations, but with Tumblr and social media-related thing in general i often try to:

remove myself from the source of the distress.

even if only temporarily for a few hours, days, a week– whatever, i do what i can to mentally and / or physically check myself out of whatever it is that’s negatively affecting me and do my best to turn my attention to other things. i go to Starbucks, read a book, clean my apartment, focus on a personal project, catch up on shows, turn off my computer and my phone and finally make myself food– whatever. i focus on things that are actually tangible and perhaps offer some form of self-gratification even if it’s just in the form of tasting good because goddamnit, the time and cost required to get a caramel macchiato is (and quite frankly should be) far more worth it to me than the time and (mental) cost spent giving a damn about someone else’s bullshit. or so i tell myself.

if the source of the distress is outside of the internet, as might be the case with a therapist, i cut that person (or thing) out of my life even if it’s just by silently breaking off communication with them by not returning their calls or not going to their therapy sessions temporarily or indefinitely. as i said above, that person / those people / that thing is not worth the time or (mental) cost required of me by dealing with them.

limit or manage my exposure to the source of the distress when removing myself from it completely isn’t possible.

i feel like this often ends up being more taxing than simply removing myself all together, but blocking / unfollowing immediately upon coming across something or someone that can potentially or does set you off is important. blocking applies to more than just people, blogs or posts but also blacklisting tags, keywords etc using something like Xkit for Tumblr, the native block & mute features on Twitter, etc. if the distress comes in the form of asks, instant messages, etc then i disable those things at least temporarily, especially when blocking an IP fails to get the job done. i also avoid browsing through tags, which can be tough when you actively want to find something to help yourself feel better about yourself / your experiences / etc…

when the source of the distress isn’t online-based, i try to manage / limit my exposure by avoiding the person or thing in question when possible. again, actively avoiding someone or something requires effort on my part and can in and of itself be taxing, so it’s not ideal… but i do what i can.

venting.

while venting is by no means The Solution to anything and comes with its own set of risks / problems when done publicly, venting can be done in so many different ways. it’s a relatively easy form of instantly relief for me regardless of how small that relief may ultimately be. whether it be tweeting, journaling (online or pen & paper), venting on sites specifically made for that purpose, scribbling feelings onto a piece of paper and then immediately ripping that paper to shreds, typing heatedly into a text document and then closing it without saving– whatever, it helps for me to take even a moment out of my day to acknowledge how i feel and speak those feelings into existence beyond just the mess that is my own head at times. even if those feelings only exist in the world for seconds before i delete or physically destroy them because Anxiety And Shit, it still helps.

but perhaps most importantly is to:

focus on the fact that no matter what anyone else says or does, i am The Authority on who i am, how i feel, etc.

i know who i am, but i also know that who i am is not the problem even when others make me feel otherwise. regardless of how i may feel about the things that i face in regards to my sexuality, my gender, my race, etc, i try to keep in mind that those things that i face are a product of the society that i live in and the people who insist on interjecting their own personal bullshit into my life. imho, this is as true of Tumblr “discourse” as it is of life in general.

while it may not be possible to escape society or shitty people all together, there is a lot more to society and life in general than the bullshit that we find ourselves faced with at times. i try my best to look beyond or through “discourse” on Tumblr and see the communities of people both on an off Tumblr who, like me, are against such bullshit. while shitty therapists and shitty people in general may rebrand and rehash the same old tired, hurtful shit that’s been said to others for forever, i try to look past that and focus instead on the fact that a lot of people aren’t like that and have actually learned from the past and and are better for it. i try to focus on a future where i will have access to competent mental health resources and care even though i do not have that now…

…….i’m not sure why i ended up writing this short novel of a post that ultimately amounts to nothing, but yeah. anon, no matter how hard things get, please know that you’re never going at it alone. there are others out there struggling, coping, surviving in spite of the same or similar things, it’s just that if hardly anyone talks about it we end up feeling alone in it, unaware of others’ company…

….which is one reason why despite the potential risks, venting publicly even in the form of anonymous asks can be worth it sometimes and i very much welcome such asks on this blog.

all the best, anon.

#mental health #self care #coping #asexual #asexual POC #ace POC #acephobia #nonbinary #NBPOC #enbyphobia #nonbinary erasure #binarism #gatekeeping #identity policing #discourse #intersectionality #intracommunity issues #intercommunity issues #lgbt community #QPOC #personally relevant #asks #anon #long post #i'm longwinded when i'm tired

[phosphorescent-naidheachd]

#thank!!!fucking!!!you!!! #gigantic fucking misconception that millions of fanfics/eu novels have used as an excuse to shit on the jedi #if jedi teaching actually is derived from buddhism #accurate buddhism #which we cant assume lucas knew or was authorial intent or whatever #but if we're assuming it's based off of accurate buddhism #theres a lot of emotion going around! #very little repression! #everyone talks about and through their feelings a lot! #and through that all emotion is let go and not grasped #the thing is #and where im guessing the misconception is #you dont see anyone in the prequels acting like that #i mean it seems everyone in the prequels is a horrible jedi #but obi wan seems to be particularly....horrible at this #we all know he represses like whoah #and everyones always saying hes a perfect jedi #so i get the confusion #and the worldbuilding...is not good #if theres still this confusion going around #i always had a positive view of the jedi due to my familiarity with emotions in buddhism and how i vaguely see that in the jedi #but i see how others would take a less postiive approach #like i feel like if the jedi followed this philosophy to the letter AND lived in a scientific society with an approach towards mental health #more or less like ours #they would have #gotten anakin some therapy for his cripplingly obvious borderline personality disorder #oh well #tag rants #sw (tags via @theinternationalacestation)

^^^^^^^^

I feel fairly secure in saying that I doubt Lucas looked very deeply into the philosophies he used as inspiration, so I suspect the prequel Jedi acting un-Buddhist at various points throughout the series is less a deliberate authorial choice on his part than it is a reflection of his own (mis)understanding of Buddhism. But this is one of those things that no one (except perhaps Lucas himself) really knows and will therefore have to remain a mystery. 

The takeaway though, is that as with so many other subjects in the series, we end up with a confusing disconnect between what seems to be Lucas’ authorial intention and what we actually see happening onscreen. And this leads to different fans -- who are already bringing their own sociocultural lenses and personal tastes to the table -- interpreting the material very differently and solving this narrative disconnect in drastically different ways. None of which are inherently wrong, I hasten to add... I just find it frustrating that certain interpretations (which tend to be pretty black-and-white) predominate the fandom to such an overwhelming degree. 

*nods* Yeah, Obi-Wan... has Issues(TM) when it comes to dealing with his emotions. (Or at least, he definitely does if we take EU works into account. If we’re just talking about the films, things become more open to interpretation. I can never quite decide where TCW falls on this continuum.) As do almost all of the main SW characters, Jedi or not, tbh. 

I think part of the problem is that Obi-Wan works very hard at projecting the image of being a perfect Jedi (which isn’t to say that he isn’t genuinely trying to be one as well), and a lot of characters -- even those who should know better! -- end up buying it. And, on a Doylist level, so do a lot of SW writers, which then furthers the problem in-text. YMMV here, though.

I KNOW, right? I didn’t know anything about BPD until a couple of years ago when I ran across a book about it in the library that someone hadn’t put away. (The book, amusingly enough, was titled I Hate You--Don’t Leave Me. Have you ever heard a more Anakin-sounding statement? Echoes of Mustafar right there, I tell you... which is why I looked at the book in the first place.) I don’t claim to be knowledgable about the disorder -- and as I haven’t done any research since, I have no notion how accurate that book was -- but going off of its description, Anakin seems like a textbook case of BPD. But since mental illness and its treatment in the GFFA is one of those topics that the films never cover -- and the EU only barely touches on -- we’re once again forced to revert to headcanons.    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

My brain is dead right now or I’d add more to this, but yeah, ultimately there are a lot of layers at work here.

#and wow this is WAY wordier than it needed to be but when i'm tired i have a hard time being concise #jedi order #jedi philosophy #jedi code #star wars meta #star wars prequels #star wars #meta #critical analysis is always relevant #obi-wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #things done by phos #mental illness #long post

[stickyrunawayangelsworld]

Monday, 4:51 am

my best friend on the whole wide planet ruined her life, and now she wants me to ruin mine. you see, she grew up living with her controlling and abusive grandparents. parents were drug addicts, never gave a shit. she turned 18 in march of 2016, had a beautiful daughter in april. moved out of their house in may or june. left all her shit (by force). she moved in with her mom, which didn't work out too well. some time in june or july i had to get her and all the shit we could get quickly and leave. she stayed at my sisters for a while. everyone in my family told her that she could stay with any of us, permanently. my nana and papa already had two teenagers (18 and 16), but they didnt have a spare room. my sister was 7 months pregnant and newly wed, they have their own place which is two bath and four bed. one room i was living in, the nursery was in the back by their room, and the room they were ready to make hers was right beside mine. my parents with three kids but only one living at home (my brother, 16) (i moved out in june due to a very bad fight with my dad which ended in me in the icu, and my sister is 24 so) had two spare rooms, one which was already being made into a nursery for their soon to be grandchild, the other completely empty since i left. however, she wanted to move to texas to go live with her long distance boyfriend she had never met. so, in august, she moved states to be with an abusive asshole. there were signs he was definitely abusive before they were even dating, and she ignored them all because he also did nice things. he bought her and willow gifts and mailed them. he bought promise rings. he sent her his jackets so she could wear them, he sent her letters, tagged her in memes, etc. he also called her fat. (not the worst thing to others, but she's been suffering with eating disorders since she was a child, and she was 8 months pregnant at the time.) he also triggered her ptsd. he would belittle her, push her around, and manipulate her into doing things she didn't want to do. every fight he would call her a bitch, irrational, overreacting. she has multiple disorders where it's hard to tell if she is overreacting or being irrational. he would leave her on read during a panic attack. actually i can't think of a single time he talked to her when she was freaking out. he always said it was stupid and that "she'd calm down eventually". anyways. so she moves down there. its good for maybe two or three weeks. after that it was non stop with the fighting. "Toriy he's such a dick" "i hate it here, i don't know anyone and the city gives me anxiety" (san antonio is like 300 miles, and she's from a small ass town) "Toriy please call me" "____ did x, y, z today and I haven't eaten in three days" at first it was shit that i wasn't surprised by. he called her fat, he ignored her during a panic attack, he put his friends before her. then christmas week happened. it started put early in the week. he was mad because something that happened at work or whatever, and he was (as usual) taking it out on her. she didn't say anything, just kinda took it. the next few days were pretty similar. his family celebrated christmas on christmas eve, and she didn't know hardly any of them. he has a pretty large family. she only knew his mom, dad, sister, brother, and other brother. she was so anxious and she spent half the night in the bathroom crying. not so shockingly, he ignored her existence the whole time. that night when they got home, was the worst. he broke up with her, sent her several messages calling her a shitty mom (lemme just tell you, she is an AMAZING mom. also lemme just tell you one of the "reasons" he used for her being a shitty mom was that she washes her childs bottles????), he accused her of lying about being raped, he said so much shit. christmas day, at two something in the morning, he got physical. the baby was crying and my friend could not handle it. she asked the dude to watch her for a second so she could go to the bathroom and wash her face and calm down. he started screaming at my friend, slammed the baby's head (she was 8 months old at the time) into the metal bed frame, kicked my friend in the stomach and the legs, and punched her a few times. i can't even begin to tell you how bad the phone call i got that night was. three months later, and he hasn't been physical since, but he hasn't changed anything at all. tonight he got in a fight with her because his parents took her to get chinese while he was at work but they wouldn't bring him whattaburger. he got home, said "fuck you" to her, and left. shes spent the whole night having panic attacks and blacking out. i haven't heard from her in three hours and the last thing she said to me was "im going to hurt myself". the other day she asked me to move there. if me her and him can get a place together. i have spent the last eleven days doing nothing but mentally cussing her out. (excluding friday night / saturday morning bc BOI) Fuck you, ____. I hate boys. I hate loud and aggressive boys. I hate boys who think the world owes them something. I hate boys who have the audacity to think that triggering someone's PTSD is fucking funny. I would rather go live with my fucking dad. At least then someone (my mom) would have the balls to say something. Fuck you, ____. Fuck you for letting this boy fuck up your mental stability that you and I worked SO FUCKING HARD on leveling out. Fuck you for letting him put his hands on you and your child. Fuck you, ____. Fuck you for making me feel like shit because I want to hang out with friends. Fuck you for begging me to move there because you "need" me. Fuck you for moving there in the first place. I told you he was abusive. My mum, the lady who literally has been married to an abusive ASSHOLE for almost 30 years, told you that him "being a dick" was the start of abuse. Literally you're so fucking smart. Why the fuck. Fuck you, ____ for even THINKING of asking me to get a place with a guy who calls me a crackwhore because "her reaction is funny", jokes about raping girls, and is physically abusive to you. Fuck you, ____ for telling me that if he does some shit while I'm down there visiting you for your birthday to not hurt him. I will hurt him. I will stab him in the face and I will not apologize for it. Fuck you. Fuck you for expecting me to move away from my family and friends and my boyfriend to live with a guy who abuses my best friend and makes me physically ill every time I talk to him. I get it, ____. You love him, or whatever. I cannot and I will not put myself in that situation again. I got away from my rapist and my abusive dad and Andrew and Dylan and I will not put myself anywhere near that kind of situation again. i couldn't leave here even if i fucking wanted to. the last time i was over two hours away my dad got physical with my mum. he won't go near her or Justin if im close. i cant risk that. (the only time he's ever gotten physical w my mum I threw a knife at him and the only reason it didn't hit him was bc my mum pushed him through the fucking door to protect him. i guess a broken arm full of glass shards is a better story than "14 year old kills her father" huh?) (also little brother is basically my child considering my dads an alcoholic and my mum worked 24/7 when i was kid so guess who grew up literally raising a kid two years younger than her??? hahahahahah me.) i get it. all your friends and family you could easily leave behind. i cant leave my mum and brother like that. i can't leave Xander at all ever. if my bestfriend kills himself while im in another state because his dad died and he lost both his parents, youre going to find me bled out on the bathroom floor. i get that you miss me, but i can't fuck up my schooling or my therapy and i can't just whimsically move like you did. i fucking cant. fuck you for thinking i can.

#i took an hour to type this #i am so fucking mad #i am so done #bff #xan ment #drug ment #rape ment #cussing #abuse ment #domestic abuse #suicide ment #self harm ment #caps #father ment #mother ment #so many tags #sorry if i missed a trigger tag

[mental-health-advice]

(Tag As✨🌸) I have had anorexia for a year or so now. I'm x kg (x lbs) but im not skinny enough. I dont want to go into recovery (But i think i will soon) yet i know i should as i dont want to live like this anymore. I am young (13) and i cant go to therapy, i have tried online counselling but i dont like how i have to speak (thanks social anxiety) and stuff. I dont really know what im asking, but i dont want to get better but i dont want to live like this. I guess i just want support? 1/2

(✨🌸) I dont expect fix or to get instantly better either. I just so desperatly want to be skinny. I dont want my thighs to touch dont want my stomach to poke out. I just feel ugly. I sometimes purge, i fast for atleast x hours but dont exercise a lot. I just. Want support i guess. Sorry if my english is terrible, my family is spanish and i was taught english. Thanks. 2/2

Hi there,

I’m really sorry to hear that you’re struggling so much. I’m proud of you for messaging us because I know that’s not easy to do when you’re struggling.

It sounds like you’re struggling a lot with whether or not you want to get better, which is really understandable because eating disorders cloud your judgement. That’s the thing, though - it’s your eating disorder that wants you to lose more weight, have your thighs touch, and your stomach to stop sticking out. There’s also the part of you that wants to get better since you mentioned not wanting to live like this. It’s hard to listen to that rational part because the disordered part of your brain is so loud. However, the truth is that, no matter how much weight you lose, you’re always going to want to lose more. Our bodies aren’t meant to have our thighs not touching (unless you’re born that way) and our stomachs are meant to poke out. The rational part of your brain already knows this, which is why it’s so important to listen to that part. Eating disorders are deadly.

Talking is definitely hard when you’ve got anxiety, so that would definitely have a hard time with therapy! On the other hand, therapy would be a good place to work on your social anxiety. There are treatments for social anxiety, as well as eating disorders. So even though it might be hard for you to get to that point, you might find that therapy is useful for both issues. Just something to keep in mind!

As for actually getting therapy if you decide to, what makes it so you can’t go? There are a lot of different ways to go about getting help, so hopefully one of those options would be available to you. You could try talking to your parents about what’s going on, explain why you need help, and ask if they can help you find someone to talk to. You can also try talking to a school counselor if your school has one and they can assist you in getting help. You could even go see your general practitioner and see if they can refer you to someone. If money is an issue, there are mental health professionals who will charge you on a sliding scale, which means they take your financial situation into consideration when figuring out what to charge you. We have a page about getting help that you can take a look at for more information. Just remember that there are a lot of different ways to get the help you need.

In addition to seeking help, there are things that you can do on your own to fight against this. For example, having distractions that will help keep your mind off of the disordered thoughts when you feel like restricting can make it easier to get through meals. Avoiding foods you would typically purge or avoiding the bathroom after eating can help prevent purging. For more self-help tips, take a look at this link. You can also take a look at this link for self-help tips for anxiety.

I know this is all really scary, but you truly deserve recovery. Your weight is incredibly low (based off the numbers before I censored them) and you’re going to start experiencing physical health problems because of it, if you haven’t already. Restricting and purging can cause so many different issues, like heart problems, hair falling out, rotting teeth, etc. While it’s so hard to let go of an eating disorder, eating disorders are deadly. They are actually one of the most deadly mental illnesses. Even though it’s hard to care about all of this when you have an eating disorder, you deserve so much better than this. You deserve a happy and healthy life, which you can’t have if you stay so stuck in this disorder. 

I truly hope that you get to a point soon where you’re ready to give recovery a try and, if or when you get there, please let us know if there’s anything we can do to help.

-Samantha

#mhasamantha #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #✨🌸 #eating disorder #anorexia #restricting #purging #getting help #death #social anxiety #weight #Anonymous