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crash-bump-bring-the-whump · 1 day

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Whumpril 2024 - Day 22 - Stoicism Breaks

I've been threatening to send Mariano to therapy so here we ARE! I reference a little RP I had with @comfy-whumpee that's been swirling in my brain ever since we did it c:<

TWs: self harm mention, suicide mention, anxiety mention, talk of a shooting, talk of captivity, this is real cathartic though I promise it's not bad

Ex-military, spent most of his twenties in foreign federal prison, history of anxiety, suicidal ideation, and self-harm. Stoic, highly traumatized, closed off, slow to open up. Hesitant to talk about intense experiences, needs reassurance. Overly concerned with others' needs.

Mary Barlowe looked over her notes before walking into the latest session with Mariano Cross. He wasn't her most difficult patient to talk to, not by a long shot. She never had to worry about calling security, or convincing him to leave when time was up. He was polite, punctual, and friendly.

But he was challenging in his own way.

He'd had a full decade of people telling him that he was an irredeemable monster, and he'd taken it all very seriously. Discussing anything heavier than everyday troubles was approached with the same caution that stray dogs approached an outstretched hand. He barely seemed to have even a basic connection to his own body or emotions, sounding detached whenever he spoke about them. They were things he needed help with, of course, but it was clear that there were things buried deeper than that.

The small, quick smile he gave her when she entered was a fantastic sign. "Good afternoon, Doctor Barlowe." He was already seated, back straight, both feet flat on the floor, and careful hands folded and resting on his leg.

"Good afternoon, Mariano." She returned the greeting easily, taking her own seat in the comfortable chair opposite his. "You mentioned wanting to talk about something difficult today, did something happen?" She knew the answer to that. He'd missed a few sessions due to being hospitalized from a robbery gone wrong.

He hesitated, dark eyes darting to the table between them. "Yes. I...there was something that happened." He seemed to close in on himself, just so, hands still clasped firmly together. She could feel the tension that crept into his voice. "But I understand if we can't."

There it was, the familiar beginning of withdrawal. "Why wouldn't we be able to talk about it?" She leaned forward, a small smile on her face. She kept her features soft, her posture relaxed. "You're paying to have a space to talk about the difficult things."

"I am, yes." He trailed off, not quite meeting her eye yet. "But it was...graphic. I don't want to overstep. I've accidentally done that before, and I...I don't want to find a new therapist. I like you."

"Oh?" Mary's voice softened. "Mariano, let me reassure you: You are not the first former prisoner I've worked with, or the first soldier. If I need a moment after hearing something then I'll let you know, but you're not going to destroy me by just talking.

"You deserve to feel safe enough to say what's on your mind. I'm sure it gets heavy holding it in, doesn't it?" She saw something in his jaw tense, the hold he had on his own hand growing tighter.

Mariano swallowed, nodding, eyes on the tissue box between them. "...It does. I have dreams about it sometimes."

"I'd imagine so." She said. "What happens in those dreams?"

When Mariano spoke again, his voice was barely louder than a whisper. "I can't call for help after I'm shot, and I wind up dying." He took a deeper breath, the sound just barely trembling. "It always feels...very realistic."

"Were you alone when it happened?" Mariano didn't move. His eyes never left the tissue box. "Mariano?" She had a feeling that he wasn't thinking about whether or not he needed a tissue.

He looked up at her, tension tight around his eyes, jaw set, and shoulders curled in on himself. "I...I don't want to hurt you."

"Have you hurt someone by talking about this before?" She spoke to him like he was backed into a corner, cowering away. He was, in a sense. It was like he was waiting for her to snap at him.

Mariano nodded.

"Can you tell me about it?"

Mariano hesitated, his grip shifting to his own elbows. He looked even smaller in the soft, pale green chair. "One of my friends asked me what happened, and why people weren't applying to the ad we put out for more managers. I said that I got shot during a robbery and almost died, and that it had gotten publicized--I don't think I went into detail, but he said that I...ambushed him?"

Mariano's breath caught. "I don't want to overstep again." He repeated. "He's a therapist and...I tried to keep things civilian friendly. It was why people hadn't been applying, and I tried to keep it brief, I...I don't really know what I did wrong. I didn't want to ask him to explain if I'd already hurt him."

A frown ghosted across Mary's face. "I see. Well, you don't have to worry about that, here. I have my own therapist, and I come to work expecting to hear about hard things."

She pushed the tissues closer, leaning forward to catch Mariano's eye. "And I think that I would've answered similarly, in your shoes. Maybe your friend was just having a hard time himself, and didn't communicate that well.

"But most people wouldn't consider that an ambush, just like you wouldn't consider it one if you asked a friend how they'd been and they said that they'd broken their leg recently, or lost a pet." She smiled softly when Mariano continued looking at her. "I think you'd just consider that surprising and unfortunate."

Mariano's jaw trembled. His eyes shone in the mid-afternoon light that streamed in through the window. "...I would."

"This hour is yours, Mariano. I'm not going to get upset at you." She plucked a few tissues and offered them over. "I've seen you for a while now. You don't have to be vigilant like that with me."

Mariano took them, holding them tight.

"Let me help you set some of that heavy stuff down." Mary offered. "You don't have to hold it all in on your own. You won't hurt me with it. It's safe."

Mariano's shoulders shuddered as he crumbled face-first into the tissues. A sob crawled out of him, escaping into his palms. It sounded agonized, like he'd been holding it in for months.

It was the most emotion he'd shown the entire time she'd known him. "It's okay to let people help you. You don't have to be a one man army anymore."

When Mariano had collected himself again, minutes later, Mary listened as he told her about the night that he almost died.

@whump-captain @whumpr @whumperofworlds @lektricwhump @cyberwhumper @bxtterflystxtches @inscrutable-shadow @honeybees-125

#whumpril2024 #whumprilday22 #day 22 #stoicism breaks #self harm ment #anxiety ment #suicide ment #talk of a shooting #talk of captivity #talk of imprisonment #murder mention #mage of violence #mary barlowe #I love when conflicts happen in rp and it informs how a character interacts with people #it's fascinating!!#mariano is so ready to accept that he's hurt someone and needs to change even if other people's trauma might be informing their reaction #He's so ready for more instruction on how to be better and how to dull any sharp edges

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calware · 10 months

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homestuck tumblr dashboard simulator (warning: not screen-reader or light mode friendly)

corporatehsblogsbf 🔁 twittermigrant Follow

💌 corporatehsblog

election is next week. you all know what to do *chainsaw revving*

🏖️ twittermigrant Follow

what does this mean this is so ominous.... ?

😎 corporatehsblogsbf

containment breach. i repeat: we have a containment breach

Based on your likes!

coolartistmutual

daily jade doodle #473 :)

#jade harley #jade #homestuck #digital art

sburbanypercent 🔁 sorryforhsposting Follow

🎃 unabletoexitabode Follow

I’ve “captchalogued” a box of silver sharpies and “allocated” a bottle of alcohol to my specibus. Is this anything

#its nothing

t3r3z1owns 🔁 s-descendmp3 Follow

🪲 734thdavekinnie Follow

thank you alpha dave strider for being the worlds first transmasc absentee father

#sure i'll reblog that

Because you follow #dirk strider

guyyoureabouttoblock Follow

[untagged s/h vent art]

#dirk strider #hs

based---mutual 🔁 based---mutual

🌎 based---mutual

would anyone be interested in my gender headcanons

🌎 based---mutual

too late i've already decided for you

#i know i sound insane but HEAR ME OUT...

roselalonde02 🔁 everyonein-theoven Follow

🎆 500iqmetaposter1025

anyways here’s my analysis on how the dichotomy between the prospit kid family and the dersite kid family acts as a foil for the dichotomy between the pexies and megidos

#OP YOUR MINDDD

In your orbit!

💽 thatoneguy

im so infuriated by the rampant impersonation on this website. i am the only dave strider there is. anyone else claiming to be me i consider to be low level identity theft, disrespectful and offensive.

#stop it.

sh8s-a-pir8

oh hey jade hate anon. we thought you were dead

#unreality #self harm ment #HTML text #colored text #undescribed #the crouton link is just a random link btw

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serialunaliver · 3 months

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depressed girls will forever have to beat the "your cat didn't scratch you, you're cutting" allegations

#it's literally my cat now #self harm ment

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mudstoneabyss · 3 months

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redeeming kevin rating: NOT CUTE!!! kevins need to be able to maul and kill people for enrichment! your kevin enclosure must ALWAYS have blood and guts for him to decorate with. it's poor husbandry to not let him kill!!!

it is IMPERATIVE for a Kevin's health to be allowed to kill and cause grievous physical bodily harm to others. These behaviors are inherent to a Kevin and if tried to be trained out and otherwise prevented he will instead perform these behaviors on himself, as well as cause undue stress! Remember: a bloody Kevin is a happy Kevin!

#ask #anonymous #self harm ment #its up there with Kevin needs like always keeping your Kevin with a Lauren

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fella-lovin-fella · 3 months

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CAN I GET A HELL YEAH?

#im having a badish day today #but i stay winning!!!#look!!!!!#evidence of me slaying!!!!#not mlm #dantes talking again #tw self harm mention #tw sh related #sh mention #self harm ment #tw sh

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turnways · 3 months

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Another mithrun post but given how he responds to the other dungeon masters (attacking them) I feel like the animals here aren't part of the things he would hurt himself with, but rather things he'd try to hurt because they reminded him of the demon.

Snakes and goats I get how that would be a self harm thing since theyre a bit more dangeorus but why wouldn't he be allowed to be around birds and sheep? Animals that are at usually docile and will usually run/fly off if you bother them.

Whatever it means he's fucked up and I love it

#dungeon meshi #mithrun #but thats just a theory!#self harm ment #my elf husband with so many issues <3

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flipside-phoebe · 1 month

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Since these 2 anons are in response to this post, I'll answer them both at the same time.

First of all, thank you both for your understanding and support! I am glad to know I'm not alone <3

It's interesting to see other people's reactions to this. It seems the complaints are either that they made Phoebe & Melody too gay, or not gay enough. I guess I fall somewhere in the middle? I'm surprised this plot line made it into a GB movie at all, even if it's only hinted at. As for how this will affect my interpretation of the character, I have two choices: I can ignore canon and continue projecting my orientation on her, or I can simply accept canon...

You are all welcome to do what you wish, but for me, I think I will do the latter. I don't think of it as "mourning" I'm just growing and moving on. My attachment to Phoebe had clearly reached a level that was unhealthy. I mean, I literally became sick and anxiety ridden after my headcanon got disproved. I cried too. That's not normal. If anything, this served as a wake-up call back to reality for me. I still love Ghostbusters and Phoebe, but my relationship to them will change going forward. I'm going to distance myself from it more, and appreciate the character for who she is and not for who I want her to be. I have my own characters and ideas to express myself with. I've also got a close friend who did feel represented by what was shown between Phoebe and Melody. I don't want to take away from their experience, or anyone else who shared the same feeling! Phoebe could still be on the aro/ace spectrum. There's no reason she can't be both a-spec and gay. That's an orientation that deserves rep too.

The scene where Phoebe separates her soul to be with Melody is another matter, though. It felt like an allusion to self harm or suicide. I really hope a future installment addresses this and shows Phoebe getting the help and support she needs. Her family is there for her, maybe a future partner will be too. We'll see.

For now, I'm going to be less involved in the fandom and focus on taking care of myself. The blog will still be up and I'll still be around to talk though!

#Mera's answers #long post #anon #ghostbusters #ghostbusters frozen empire #phoebe spengler #melody the ghost #self harm ment #suicide ment #spoilers #thank you both for sending!#this turned out to be rather long #but I felt I should talk about everything #*edit FORGOT TO TAG SPOILER #shame on me #just fixed I hope that's ok!

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mogai-headcanons · 8 months

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Luz Noceda from The Owl House is a dragonkin autistic partially blind polyamorous bisexual transmasculine catgender boyflux age dreamer with ADHD, depression, PTSD, insomnia, and a self-harm addiction who uses he/him, they/them, hiss/hisses, and mew/mews pronouns, and mew is dating Will and Hunter!

Will Park is a polyamorous pansexual transmasculine nonbinary person with a male preferences who uses they/them pronouns!

Hunter Deamonne is an autistic polyamorous bisexual intersex transgender demiboy age regressor with PTSD, depression, hypermobility, insomnia, schizophrenia, BPD, DID, and albinism who uses he/him pronouns, and he has one alter, the Golden Guard!

They're all friends with Luz's ex-girlfriend Amity Blight, an arospec asexual lesbian who uses she/her pronouns!

Luz's younger brother Vee Noceda is a vincian intersex trans boy cane user with chronic pain who uses he/him pronouns!

Gus Porter is an autistic GNC bisexual middle regressor with anxiety and an undiagnosed schizoaffective disorder who uses any pronouns!

Luz's mentor Edalyn Clawthorne is a polyamorous bisexual trans woman who uses she/her pronouns!

She's in a QPR with Raine Whispers, a transmasculine genderfaun nonbinary vincian!

Raine is dating Darius Deamonne, a gay man!

Darius is good friends with Lou 'Lulu' Clawthorne, an asexual transgender man who uses he/him pronouns and is in a QPR with Hooty!

Eda's child King Clawthorne is an intersex bigender transgender titan who uses he/him and they/them pronouns!

Bo is a nonverbal polyamorous bisexual genderfaun autigender seagender person who uses they/them, he/him, boat/boats, sea/seas, and burn/burns pronouns, and they're in a polyamorous relationship with Eileen and Selene!

Eileen is a demiromantic deathcute liminalgender person with psychosis, depression, social anxiety, and insomnia who uses it/its and bite/bites pronouns!

Selene is a polyamorous xeno4xeno xenofem person with symbrachydactyly and a hoard of space xenogenders!

dni link

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ghostkit · 3 months

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Vrolik Antilo Character Shits

OKAY NOBODY ASKED BUT I'M DROPPING THIS

Under a readmore because it got really fuckin long! Talk about disabilities and such under da cut

Vrolik was originally going to be a more general representation of myself, but slowly overtime, they came to symbolize one specific part of my identity that I thought would be interesting to explore in an environment like Alternia: my disability. I have Brittle Bone Disease (aka Osteogenesis Imperfecta), and I used Vrolik partly as a way to analyze how it’s impacted me as a person and how that might’ve been exaggerated on a different planet. Vrolik represents the struggles I had in relation to my disability, especially when I was around 13 like the Homestuck kids were.

Their name comes from Vrolik Syndrome, another name for BBD. Their last name, Antilo, comes from Antilocapra Americana, AKA the pronghorn like Vrolik’s lusus and horns are based on. Their name also contains the word “anti,” which I think is really funny considering their tendency to get in petty internet fights that mean absolutely nothing.

Their Trolltag (fragilitasOdium) comes from Fragilitas Ossium (again, BBD) and Odium: general/widespread hatred or disgust directed toward someone as a result of their actions. Foreshadowing.

Vrolik’s land is the Land of Ash and Vitriol, a desolate wasteland so uninhabitable they doubt there’s any other form of life left here at all. In every direction, all they can see is the smoky, dark sky, the ashy ground, the harsh sun burning through the clouds and smoke wherever it can. The only evidence of any life at all Vrolik can find are their remains. Gigantic skeletons protrude from the ground, huge rib cages and skulls acting as the only cover from the blistering heat.

Vrolik is an Heir of Rage, and there’s a lot of symbolism and shit there. I’m not super great with classpect analysis, so I’ve referenced a bunch of stuff from @dahniwitchoflight, @sylph-of-hope-analysis, and @classpector.

Rage as an aspect represents… Well, rage, but also fear, defiance, doubt, despair, and limited choice. Rage players are stubborn and rarely see any other path than the one they’re set on, but oftentimes other paths are simply unavailable to Rage players, something that might frustrate other players who can’t see how little choice the Rage-bound truly have. (almost like having an invisible disability. Some actions simply aren’t available to you, but since others can’t see it, they assume it isn’t there.)

Based on what I’ve seen, there’s a lot more speculation about what the Heir class represents than other classes, and I think they’re all relevant and important to Vrolik’s characterization. From the Homestuck wiki:

It is speculated that heirs are ones who invite change through [aspect]; they are apparently drawn to their aspect, subconsciously seeking it out. They may also be defined as one who is consumed by [aspect], one who becomes [aspect], or one who is surrounded by [aspect].

If inheritance is thought in terms of programming (which is a commonly visited subject in Homestuck), it can be speculated that heirs are those whose behavior and existence is controlled by and expected to represent [aspect], sometimes, independently of their own will.

The title "Heir" could also have the more literal meaning one who inherits/receives [aspect].

Heirs are also passive rather than active, something that would greatly anger Vrolik. They desperately try to do things on their own and make changes happen and feel important to something, but they will never be the main character. Their “destiny” doesn’t include them being independent, but even if it means tearing the fabric game apart themself, even if it means destroying everything in the process, they refuse to sit back and feel useless again. Big Monika DDLC syndrome.

(I’m realizing they kinda ghost destructive classes/aspects like Princes or Doomplayers.)

So with all this, Vrolik is someone who is subconsciously drawn to/seeks out their own rage and negative emotions, often feeling surrounded by them or trapped within them with no way out. They feel trapped and helpless in many aspects of their life, and it enrages them. Hell, they feel trapped within their own anger sometimes, often being controlled by their negative emotions more than they can control them. They feel completely powerless in their disability, so they overcompensate in other areas where they do have control. They’re deeply stubborn, digging their heels in the ground and refusing to give in, even on silly and inconsequential conflicts simply because it’s the only way they know to retain any power over themself. They refuse help even when they might really need it, preferring to fail at their goals through their own means than succeed while depending on someone else again. Having help means they couldn’t do it alone, and when they already can’t do so much, they desperately want to prove to both themself and the people around them that they’re capable.

Vrolik also harbors a lot of anger and frustration toward this. They’re angry that they’re so angry all the time, and that they have so little agency, and that they’ve been put on this path without any input from them. By nature, Vrolik is consumed by Rage because of Rage. Their life is controlled by and completely represents Rage, and in a way, they’ve literally inherited it as well. Vrolik’s frustration and anger toward the world ties directly to their disability. When Vrolik inherited their disease, they inherited the anger with it. You could almost say it’s in their bones.

They also sometimes intentionally seek out content or people they know will upset/trigger them. The people in their life have been trying to put a stop to it, but telling Vrolik not to do something kind of only spurs them on even more in a “you can’t tell me what to do” kind of way. Vrolik is the type to get in heated arguments in someone’s Twitter replies because they don’t know when to just stop typing. They’re easily manipulatable in this way and internet trolls can very easily take advantage of that. In terms of seeking out people they know might anger them, I imagine this also makes them very susceptible to emotional self-harm and abusive relationships. Not because they think they deserve to hurt, but because they’re naturally drawn toward anger and fear. They can’t just stop when they’re upset and they don’t know how to walk away.

Getting into the content of Vrolik’s hypothetical session and some more of that symbolism shit:

Vrolik wasn’t really intended to survive their entire game. When they entered into the Land of Ash and Vitriol, a barren, unforgiving wasteland, they weren’t fated to make it. This environment wasn’t made to accommodate them, nothing ever really has been. Maybe they were meant to die a long time ago or maybe they were meant to die here, but Vrolik knows they were meant to die.

So they do. They die as they lived: consumed by their own anger, running off alone, doing some stupid shit from their rage. They die angry for the life they’ve been robbed of, terrified of what comes after, and deeply jealous of their teammates, wanting to scream but being unable to. They’re inconsolable, and yet they’re grateful nobody else is there. Even while they slowly bleed out underneath the smoky, gray sky, the idea of someone else seeing them in their greatest moment of weakness and pain terrifies them more than death does.

However. Someone else in their session is right behind them. Their body is found very shortly after, and their teammate refuses to just let them die now. They drag their body to their quest bed, forcing them to be revived via godtiering. Again, lack of choice, things being decided for them, etc.

There’s a reason I called Vrolik’s land the “Land of Ash and Vitriol,” even though it doesn’t relate to their whole BBD shtick. Godtiering gives them a lot of new power and control they’ve never had before, and considering their insecurity about feeling helpless, that can become incredibly dangerous if they aren’t careful. For their entire life, Vrolik has been like bottled fire, raging on the inside but contained by their own circumstances outside their own control. But now that the bottle’s shattered, they need to learn to control their fire alone. Vrolik is like a phoenix, completely consumed by and now representing the fire inside them. They literally rise up from the ashes, given new life and blazing.

In modern terms, vitriol refers to “abusive or venomous language used to express blame, censure or bitter, deep-seated ill will.” However, vitriol was originally an alchemical term for sulfuric acid. Vitriol was one of the main ingredients needed to create a philosopher’s stone, used to give eternal life (almost like godtiering might).

Additionally, vitriol was a Latin acronym for alchemists. “Visita Interiora Terrae Rectificando Invenies Occultum Lapidem” roughly translates as, “by visiting the center of the earth and by purifying yourself, you will find the hidden stone.” In order to create the philosopher’s stone (and to cleanse one’s own soul), it takes a lot of work, and failure to do so correctly will cause the acid to corrode everything (or cause your faults to consume you). If the work was easy, everyone would do it. Vrolik might’ve already godtiered, but this is just the beginning of their uphill battle. They’ve just gotten the vitriol, they’ve only just gotten that important and dangerous part. Now they’ve gotta treat it with care and put in the work to keep it from dissolving them from the inside out.

IN CONCLUSION. I’m crazy <3

#hiveswap #homestuck #fantroll #trollsona #vrolik antilo #self harm ment #abuse ment

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