#cause I would genuinely like someone to explain to me why people argue so passionately against Arya being a political character

[fromtheseventhhell]

I have a question for people who fervently argue that Arya has no potential for politics but think that Sansa will be one of the main political characters, and I'm asking this seriously.

If Arya learning multiple languages, how to tell + detect lies, how to rule her face so she doesn't reveal her emotions, being able to blend into different situations, thinking quick on her feet, knowing the importance of gathering information, being someone who makes friends wherever she goes, convincing a FM to help free Northern prisoners and participating in a coup, etc. don't make Arya capable of participating in politics...what exactly is it that you think Sansa will be doing as a political figure?

#arya stark #sansa stark #asoiaf #cause I would genuinely like someone to explain to me why people argue so passionately against Arya being a political character #to the point that they pretend there's zero overlap between what she's learning and what a 'political' character should know #I always see people reduce her to being a fighter and ignoring her other skills so it's obvious you think they could be useful so? #/politics/ is such a broad term too...there are so many different ways for a character to be political and I just don't understand #why people are so restrictive when thinking about how characters can occupy that space #this isn't a dig at Sansa this is me genuinely wondering what you guys think being political means and what she'll be doing #if you don't think Arya having any of these skills qualify her 😭 #Arya and Sansa can both be political characters it isn't an either or scenario #this isn't the show where only one person can be the poorly written so-called /smart one/ #I don't need any /no one says this!/ comments either...if you aren't someone who thinks like this then feel free to move on

[faunusrights]

what is going on with all the bias on robyn hill’s wiki page, anyway? - an aside

As someone who uses the RWBY wiki with some degree of frequency - often because I’m looking for art references, or Semblance and weapon names - I’m used to... some amount of bias in the articles for different characters? Like, let’s be real, it’s not a perfect wiki! Community-maintained stuff isn’t easy to all keep on the same track! But, generally, it gives the facts well enough and doesn’t do too bad a job keeping all the balls in the air when it comes to new information from all four corners of this franchise.

Well, until you open the article for Robyn Hill, and realise it’s an absolute disaster. Like, really; the impartial voice just plain doesn’t exist for her, and almost all of her wiki is written in such a way that she reads as being an absolutely insufferable, hostile, hard-to-like character. Even if you aren’t a fan of Robyn personally, you have to admit that if you hadn’t seen the show yourself, you might very well come away from her article presuming she’s a major antagonist of Volumes 7 and 8.

Like, for instance, let’s take a look at the first paragraph of her Personality section:

Robyn has a direct and confident personality, having no trouble being confrontational with Atlas personnel, including the Ace Operatives. Robyn also seems to suffer from overconfidence and arrogance, shown in her encounters with Ruby and celebrating her election victory before it was verified. She is aggressive and hostile in nature, quickly jumping to conflict without thinking through consequences. However, she is also shown to be reasonable when the situation calls for it.

And, for good measure, here’s another paragraph from the same section:

In "With Friends Like These" Robyn displayed a rather impulsive side of her personality, when upon hearing that James Ironwood's plan to abandon Mantle and arrest those against him, she started a fight between herself, Clover Ebi, and Qrow Branwen onboard a Manta with Tyrian Callows in custody. Despite the fact, there was no order or her arrest. Her brashness led to Tyrian breaking free and crashing the Manta as well as her becoming unconscious.

(Taken from Robyn’s RWBY Wiki page. Bolding is mine.)

In every instance here, all of the “negative” aspects of her personality take centre stage; she’s confrontational. She suffers from arrogance. She is aggressive and hostile. She started the fight. Her brashness led to the crash. All of this is only compounded when her positive traits trail behind as an afterthought; she’s direct and confrontational, overconfident and arrogant, aggressive and hostile, impulsive and jumps to conclusions... but hey! As least she’s reasonable when the situation calls for it. 

The way that this information is presented to the reader is quite literally on par with how the wiki presents the personalities of the actual literal villains who appear throughout the show. Let’s take, for instance, the Personality section of Cinder Fall:

Cinder is ruthless and sadistic, as demonstrated when she delivers a killing blow to a clearly defeated Pyrrha Nikos in "End of the Beginning" and when she throws a spear at a defenseless Weiss Schnee in "The More the Merrier." She is relentlessly driven to gain power and determined to cross any line to obtain it. Cinder demonstrates a cunning that shows in her successful manipulation of events and people throughout the first three volumes. Cinder is also arrogant and egomaniacal, and as such, relishes in dominance and gloating, displaying shameless pleasure in the misery she has caused others.

Or, the Personality section of Raven Branwen:

Raven is cynical, patronizing, selfish and stubborn. She believed her act of "kindness" of saving Yang's life from Neopolitan was sufficient despite having left Yang at a very young age and refused to protect her daughter when in need after that.

Raven is also very prideful and hypocritical, refusing to acknowledge her faults and always trying to justify her actions both to others and to herself, often putting the blame on others for them even if she feels real guilt about them.

It makes sense that for an antagonist, the primary faults and flaws of their personalities will come first, as to better represent them as the villains to clarify to the reader who they are and why they act as they do in their storylines. However, the fact that Robyn arguably has an even more caustic write-up then Raven, despite not being an antagonist, goes to show the lengths this writer has gone to present her in a significantly more negative light than she ever appears in the show.

If this doesn’t seem convincing, let’s look at a more direct comparison; what does the wiki say about Ironwood? He’s present in the same seasons, and has now become more of an antagonist in the latter episodes; is the wiki quite as blunt about his flaws?

Ironwood is courteous to his allies, as shown by his first onscreen interaction with Ozpin and Glynda Goodwitch. He is also far-thinking and tactical, wondering about the future, as seen when he speaks to Ozpin about Qrow Branwen's message. He also has a jovial, friendly, humorous and proud public persona, which he uses as a spokesman for the weapon manufacturers of Atlas.

However, as courteous Ironwood may appear, he can also be incredibly blunt, often preferring the direct approach. When he feels necessary, Ironwood is not afraid to bring the full might of his military command to bear, which sparked disagreements with both Glynda and Ozpin. Nevertheless, Ironwood is extremely loyal to his comrades, and however questionable his methods may be, he seems to have genuinely good intentions behind them.

Uh, no.

Instead, when his flaws are mentioned (for example, being blunt), it’s written in a significantly less... abrasive manner. It’s referred to as the direct approach, versus Robyn who is described as confrontational. Even then, his flaws are folded in to his (alleged) positive traits; he is not afraid, extremely loyal, and has genuinely good intentions, despite the fact that the show has now proven that Ironwood’s flaws greatly outweigh these. It reveals how thoroughly all of Robyn’s actions are presented as the work of an arrogant troublemaker, whilst Ironwood’s actions are presented as the efforts of a man working towards some greater good. 

Also, I’ll add that in both examples, I used the first two paragraphs of their Personality sections. These are both the first two things you read about these characters, yet look at how differently they’re summarised.

What is interesting, however, is that despite this bias being extremely self-evident, the comments on her page generally chime agreement, referring to her as “overconfident, arrogant, impulsive and hotheaded to the point of being unlikable”, and claiming that she’s “literally the worse character in the show next to cinder, blake and yang”[1]. Someone mentions that Robyn has earned quite the hatedom... but why?

Broadly, my experiences of Robyn Hill’s writing in the fandom has been through a queer lens, and the vast majority of writers who’ve covered her and the Happy Huntresses have been women, or queer, or trans, or all the above... basically, the people who are usually responsible for a vast majority of fanfiction, let’s be real. These writers love Robyn, and have explored and extrapolated on her character to marvellous degree. Yet, at no singular point have any of these flaws ever been written quite as strongly as the wiki implies they are, nor have I seen much evidence of them myself in the show. For instance, let’s take one of the more serious points in her Personality section; she started a fight between herself, Clover Ebi, and Qrow Branwen [...] her brashness led to Tyrian breaking free and crashing the Manta as well as her becoming unconscious.

When we watch this scene again, Robyn did initiate the fight... because she was rightfully aware that Clover would obey his orders, even if they were wrong. Despite everything that happened prior in the entirety of Volume 7, when given orders to bring Qrow in alongside RWBY, it was clear that Clover fully intended to follow it through, which Robyn knows from prior experience with the AceOps:

[image ID: two images of Clover, Robyn and Qrow in the dark-grey interior of the Manta ship. Robyn has her weapon aimed at Clover as he stands in front of Qrow. Clover is saying “Only Qrow is under arrest [...] please don’t make me arrest you too.”]

Her knowledge of the AceOps means that she reacted accordingly; trying to stop him from taking Qrow in and obeying Ironwood’s plan the only way she knows the AceOps respond to. Her reaction isn’t unwarranted. However, my point isn’t to argue that Robyn was right or wrong, but rather that regardless of who started the fight, the way the wiki explains this specific incident is that it’s solely Robyn’s fault that Tyrian escaped and crashed the Manta, but we know this isn’t the case. Robyn and Qrow both fought Clover, and it was Clover’s good luck (or Qrow’s bad luck, depending on how you view it) that allowed for Kingfisher to break Tyrian’s bonds. Her brashness is blamed for the outcome, but in reality, this outcome could have been avoided together if Clover had not chosen to follow his orders and bring in an innocent man. Also, she didn’t crash the Manta! That was all Tyrian! The intentional tying together of these two events as her fault, however, are a neat package of blame.

In these instances on the wiki, Robyn’s personality appears amplified, focusing specifically on her flaws and exaggerating them to the extremes that, as noted earlier, matches the language used to define the very villains of the series. Yet, the people who enjoy her and the Happy Huntresses often perceive those same flaws to a significantly lesser extent, or even see those flaws as actually being boons of her character; for instance, reading her alleged arrogance as passion. So, why such division?

Before, I mentioned her “negative” traits, and I put this into quote marks because traits don’t always align nicely into good and bad. All aspects of a person can vary on how positive they are based on context - even the show proves this, with protectiveness becoming paranoia (Ironwood) or loyalty becoming subservience (Winter). Even a character that is broadly composed of more unfavourable traits can have this contextual shift; Cinder’s stubbornness to her goals makes her a fast learner and a tenacious opponent.

Yet, why did the writer (or writers) choose to highlight almost every aspect of Robyn’s character as a bad thing? Why did they frame her decisions as such? I have a suspicion it’s to do with her character at large; she’s a bold socialist politician who believes in equality and fairness for all, who refuses to stand for incompetence and obedience towards evil causes. She’s outspoken in her views, and reacts strongly to those who threaten to overturn her work. Also, she’s a woman, in charge of a group of other women, at least one of whom is canonically trans. To those who agree with her in real life, Robyn appears as a great character! We admire her work ethic and we support her ends. To those who may not... well, it’s not hard to see how they might perceive her as more of a cocky, authority-defying upstart. Of course, the core text of RWBY doesn’t quite believe the latter; RWBY has always placed Robyn as the direct counter to authoritarianism, whether it be Jacques, Clover, or Ironwood, and even the article admits that she is a potent voice for the people of Mantle. Still, it’s clear that there’s plenty of people in a vocal minority who are deeply dissatisfied by Robyn, and aren’t afraid to make their stance on the matter exceedingly clear.

So, what does this all mean? Well, here’s what we can say for sure; Robyn’s article is, and has always been, stringently biased against her character, and often misconstrues her motives and decisions. This is maybe the more obvious part, but how should her article be worded to make this less so? Likely, I’d rephrase a lot of it to be less damaging to her character; she isn’t hostile, she holds people accountable. She isn’t quick to jump to conflict, she is familiar with how Atlas responds to anti-authority with violence. She isn’t arrogant, she believes in the power of the people as being the right thing to fight for. Even this makes it clearer that her character is about resisting the oppression inherent in Atlas, and is a much clearer outline of her personality as a whole. People may disagree with this phrasing and summary also, but given her character is based on Robin Hood, it’s also not far from the mark in terms of what she should represent.

TL;DR: Robyn’s wiki page is written with a deep bias against her character and what she represents, acts upon, and chooses to do in the show; I have no doubt that in canon, this sort of language would probably be used by Jacques himself as a smear campaign, haha. Whilst I can’t speak for the author and their motives, I have a distinct feeling that this article was written, or edited, by someone who is either:

not a fan of Robyn

not a fan of a new female character

not a fan of a new female character in a position of power

not a fan of a character with socialist/communist/antifa ideals

all of the above and then some???

Even though I’m not going to edit her wiki page (I’m very shy and I’ve never done it before), I think it’s worth analysing this if only as a reminder of the inherent biases of an author even when people are trying to present a character’s information impartially. This isn’t the first wiki I’ve seen misconstrue - or even make incorrect assumptions on - facts about a character, and it won’t be the last. In the meantime, though, I leave you with this fact:

Robyn Hill slaps huge nuts and I love her.

[1] I’m not naming the users who posted these things here, because it’s unnecessary. You can find them for yourself at the bottom of Robyn’s wiki, but there’s no need to respond; some people just don’t like Robyn, and that’s fine - I’m just explaining how bias leaks into wikis like water into a sponge. It happens!

#rwby #rwde #robyn hill #murphy's thoughts and vibes on this shit (again) #is this a new tag #i haven't really written this well and it was sort of off the cuff so sorry if there's mistake #*mistakes #LMAO #i just wanted to lay my Thoughts out #i swear if even one person msgs me like 'but robyn DOES suck' im banishing you to the Spray Cheese Hell Dimension #also im tagging as rwde but its not rwde against the show (FOR ONCE??) so

[gaemkyuu]

Loved.

Warnings: Mentions of an abusive boyfriend (Not Charlie) A/N: This is a personal piece of something I went through. Not all the details disclosed on this piece happened to me, but they have happened to people I love. Something we connected on was that one person came into our lives and became the light that we needed to get out of our situation. Charlie isn’t meant to portray the image of a false hero, but rather a light and a starting point. A second chapter will be made.

If you or someone you love is suffering from abuse, you are not alone. We hear you, we love you and we can help you. Reach out of the dark. Step into your greatness. Stand Tall.

Disclaimer: This is a FICITONAL writing piece! In no way do I claim characters in this piece act this way in real life.

Masterlist *now taking requests ;)

Loved.

Kaia paused to take a sip of water. Carrying around boxes and furniture was proving to be difficult with the hot LA sun. She was used to super sunny days with a cool breeze or rainy cloudy days up in Vancouver. Moving countries hadn’t been easy, what with the paperwork and everything, but here she was. Starting a life in LA, the city where people come to make their dreams happen. 

“How you doin’?” the girl jump at the sound of a male voice and turned to see a very good looking guy leaning on her fence. His beautiful eyes and contagious smile caused her to smile back at him. He seemed genuine and something deep inside told her he was good.

“I’m hoping you’re the person that lives beside me, otherwise I may have to call the cops” the male chuckled at her response and shook his head.

“Welcome to the neighbourhood. Me and my roommates live right beside you. Are you new to LA?” Kaia knew she shouldn’t get caught chatting away with the male, but she didn’t want him to get the wrong impression. She knew that bad neighbours could make your life a living hell, plus being new to the country meant that she had no friends. Might as well start somewhere right?

“New to the country actually, I’m from Vancouver” Judging by the way his eyes grew to the size of saucers, she assumed that he might be a fellow Canadian too. It would be nice to have someone who understands the culture shock as a friend. “Parles-tu francais?” she sheepishly asked.

“Oui! J’suis de Dieppe!” Kaia let out a big laugh. She very rarely heard that dialect of french and it felt funny to her ears. She blushed when she realized how hard she was laughing.

“Sorry! I wasn’t laughing at you or anything. I’ve rarely heard an Acadien speak french and it sounds a little funny to me” she scratched her neck in slight embarrassment. The male seemed to bite his lip and she couldn’t help but notice the twinkle in his eyes, confirming that he wasn’t offended. “So what brought you here?”

“I’m an actor. What about you?” 

“I moved down here with my boyfriend, he’s actually a local” she saw a small look of disappointment cross his unusually bright features, but as quickly as it came, it was gone. She could hear her boyfriend’s voice growing louder as he approached the entrance of the house. “Do you live by yourself? Or?”

“I live with my roommates, all of whom are girls with boyfriends” she giggled at his predicament but found it interesting.

“Too much estrogen I take it?” he rolled his eyes in confirmation and she laughed again at his reaction.

“Like you wouldn’t believe. But they’re pretty awesome, so I can’t complain” he opened his mouth to say something else, but was interrupted at a booming voice. She continued to chat with the man about the neighbourhood and life in LA in general. It felt nice to Kaia that someone was also weirded out by all  the fake grass lawns and garbage on the streets. The conversation was flowing naturally and she was very engaged that she didn’t notice another person in the house growing impatient.

“Kaia!” She quickly turned around to her boyfriend, who was motioning her over. He looked irritated and upset, something she wasn’t looking forward to dealing with. She opened her mouth to explain herself as her new neighbour waved, but he interrupted her. “Let’s go!”

“Sorry, the heat’s making him a little grumpy. Thank you for welcoming us to the neighbourhood. It was really nice chatting with you” she smiled as her boyfriend marched back into the house. “I’m Kaia by the way, but you can call me Kai”

“Charlie. Charlie Gillespie. It was nice to meet you Kai, pass the welcome on to your boyfriend from us. See you around?” she smiled softly and waved goodbye as he made his way over to the front door. When he was out of sight, she took a deep breath preparing herself for the inevitable conversation with her boyfriend.

Who’s that? You’ve been flirting for half an hour. I wasn’t flirting. He’s our neighbour. Don’t lie to me, Kaia. I’m not. Listen, I moved you down here to be with me. Last time I checked, I moved down to start my career. Don’t. Sass. Me. Kaia. I’m sorry. Remember. You’re here because I let you. Don’t forget that.

The next time Kaia saw Charlie was a few weeks later. Her boyfriend and her had a big argument, so she was de-stressing the only way she knew how, making music. She was sure that at some point, someone in the neighbourhood would make a noise complaint, but right now, she could care less. She filled track after tracking, replaying what she had already made and what she had added. Kaia often poured her soul into her music, something she felt was therapeutic.

It had always been Kaia’s dream to move down to LA and pursue a music career. So when she finished her music program in Vancouver, she began working full time around the city doing odd jobs and mixing jobs wherever she could. She had saved up enough money to make the move, when she had met her boyfriend. He was playing a live set at a bar she was bartending for and the two hit it off right away. Soon, the two began to collaborate with music and Kaia found herself producing and mixing his demos.

Sure, their relationship was a little bit of a rollercoaster, but in Kaia’s mind, that wasn’t strange. She had seen her parents experience similar things with one another. He struggled to pay rent along with his tuition fees for his music program, but Kaia didn’t mind paying for it. Being an American citizen in Canada made it difficult at times to find employment and at the beginning he was super grateful. That’s how they fell into a rhythm on Kaia working to support the both of them while doing what she loved.

When her boyfriend’s Visa expired, she knew this was her chance to move down to LA. Her parents weren’t thrilled with the two of them moving in together, but they had already been a couple for 2 years. In Kaia’s mind, it was the next step in their relationship. She also assured her parents that if anything happened, that she had enough money saved up to support herself on her own for a few months.

“Sick beats!” she jumped at the voice, turning around to see Charlie fist bumping into her garage. Immediately, she turned down the music and smiled. “I didn’t know you were into music too! This is really good!”

“Think so? I haven’t made anything from scratch in a long time” Kaia blushed when Charlie’s jaw dropped at her confession. “I’m actually struggling with this track if I’m being honest”

“May I?” she moved over letting Charlie take control and play around with things. The two then began a very in depth conversation about music and finding the sound of the track she was working on. However, Kaia came to learn that as passionate Charlie was about music, he was also very goofy. The two playfully argued as to whether Charlie was correct about incorporating a xylophone or bongos into the track. He was a self proclaimed EDM expert and enthusiast, which caused Kaia to question his instrument choices. They sat there for who knows how long, eventually trading rhythms on different instruments,  Kaia on the piano and Charlie on the guitar. “You’re really good at this Kai”

“I normally produce music that my boyfriend writes” she scratch her neck in embarrassment. “The move had us so busy that I’m a little rusty”

“What? If this is what you’re “rusty” is, then I’m excited to see your polished work!” Kaia smiled and stood there awkwardly, not fully knowing how to accept his compliment. “Kai, you should really give your music a chance”

“I’ll think about it” she smiled. “Say, was there a reason why you bursted into my garage?” It was now Charlie’s turn to blush and Kaia giggled in return.

“Oh yeah, I was going to invite you and your boyfriend for a barbeque tomorrow evening. Think you’d like to come?” he wiggled his eyebrows making Kaia laugh.

“We’ve got plans. Thanks” both were startled at the introduction of a new voice. Kaia’s boyfriend stood at the garage door entrance, arms crossed and unimpressed.

“Ty, this is Charlie, our neighbour. Charlie, this is Tyler, my boyfriend” Kaia quickly made her way to her boyfriend, explaining the situation.

“Nice to meet you man” Charlie smiled and extended his hand, but Tyler just looked at it until Charlie took it back. He muttered a soft ‘okay then’ and shoved his hands into his pockets. “I just wanted to invite you and Kai over for dinner tomorrow night. My roommates would love to meet you guys”

“It’s Kaia, and thanks but no thanks. Like I said, we have plans” Kaia stood silently beside her boyfriend, fidgeting with her sleeve. She held one arm across her body and was squeezing her other arm, but cleared her throat to break the tension.

“Thanks for the visit. I’ll see you around Charlie” this time Kaia’s smile was a genuine one, but by the look on Charlie’s face, she knew he was growing suspicious. She was grateful that he didn’t push the topic, but she knew that his hesitation wouldn’t go unnoticed by her boyfriend.

What is it with you and this guy? We were just collaborating on mixing. You mix for me Kaia. Don’t let someone take advantage of you. He wasn’t taking advantage of me. He was helping me. Helping? It sounds like shit. You better get your head in the game for my next EP. ... Babe, you know I only want you to be the best right? I know. I love you. ... I love you too.

If another person screamed at her today, Kaia was sure that she would lose it. She felt exhausted and overworked. Living in LA was proving to be pricey and she was the only one who was able to find work between the two of them. Between working two jobs and producing late into the evenings, Kaia felt like she was reaching her limit.

“Good evening! Can I start you guys with something to drink?” Kaia fished for her notepad and pen in her apron, fiddling around for a moment.

“Kai?” she recognized the voice immediately and finally found her things. Charlie sat at the table she was waiting along with two other people. 

“I’m beginning to think you’re stalking me Charlie” she joked, smoothing out her hair and uniform. She suddenly felt more aware and conscious of her appearance. 

“Sounds like Charlie” the female interrupted, earning a shove from the male. The blonde across from Charlie stifled a chuckle at the interaction. “I’m Hannah, I live with Charlie”

“And this is Owen” he introduced and Kaia gave a kind smile back. “I didn’t know you worked here! I thought you worked at the Starbucks?” she noticed Owen and Hannah give each other a look about Charlie’s observation.

“Yeah, I work at Starbucks in the morning and here in the evenings” she blew a strand of hair out of her face. “Not all of us make a living off of Netflix contracts” she winked. “What can I get you guys?”

The playful banter continued on through the night and Kaia continued to wait their table, along with the many other tables she had. Kaia got to know Owen and Hannah pretty well that night and genuinely enjoyed their company. Since moving to LA, she had been working so much that she hadn’t even made friends in the three months she had been there. So naturally, after her shift, she sat down with their table and got them free dessert just to hang out. They were having such a good time that she lost track time.

“Hey Kaia! Your boyfriend’s calling” Kaia paled at the closing manager’s announcement and she politely excused herself from the table, telling the manager she’d take the call in the office. As Kaia sat in the office, quiet tears streamed down her face as her boyfriend chastised her over the phone. Her closing manager comforted her quietly, knowing the intricacies of her situation. Once Kaia was sure she was composed, she returned to her table of friends, surprised that they still waited around for her. 

“Thanks for the company tonight! I’ll see you guys around?” The looks they gave each other didn’t go unnoticed by Kaia. However, they didn’t say anything and bid her farewell.

“Hey Kaia?” she paused and turned around, a soft smile on her face, and Charlie standing at the edge of his table. “You know you can talk to me right?” Kaia bit her lip, hesitant for her next move. She took a deep breath, trying to suppress the tears that were surfacing.

“I’m just tired is all” but a tear slipped down her face, which she quickly wiped away. Charlie pulled her in for a hug and Kaia melted into it. She couldn’t remember feeling this warmth for a long time and quite frankly, she felt at peace. The flickering of the car lights in the parking lot pulled her attention from the comfort of Charlie’s arms. “I have to go” she whispered and left, not bearing to look at Charlie and the rest.

I don’t like him. Don’t hang around him anymore. He’s my only friend here. Then make a new one. How? Between working two jobs and mixing your music, I have no time. Don’t pin this on me. Stop whining and figure it out.  ... I’m just protecting you. He’ll take advantage of you.  ... Now who’s my girl? I am. And who’s everything that you’ll ever need. ... Kaia. You are. Don’t forget that.

“That’ll be $4.95”

“I’ll pay. Could you add on a donut too? Thanks”

The next time Kaia saw Charlie was a few weeks after the diner incident. Kaia didn’t actually see Charlie, but rather Charlie saw Kaia and couldn’t pass up the chance to talk to her. Judging by his outfit, she assumed that he was on his usual morning run. She felt nervous about him appearing from nowhere and offering to buy her coffee, especially since the last time they talked it was awkward.

“You didn’t have to do that Charlie.” she smiled and thanked him with her eyes. She fiddled with her zip up collar and hair. 

“It’s nothing. Wanna grab a table? Maybe in a more secluded and private area?” she nodded thinking that his specificity in seating had to do with the recent release of a Netflix show he starred on that was gaining popularity. So she settled for a table tucked away in the corner of the shop. Charlie followed along soon after with her coffee and his donut. 

“Thanks again. How was your run?” Charlie shrugged as he took a bite of his donut.

“Same as always, except this time I get to see you” Kaia blushed at his beautiful smile. He was good looking and from their exchanges, she had gotten to know he was genuinely a good guy. “You like to hike?”

She couldn’t understand what it was, but Charlie had a way of making her feel comfortable and safe. As they chatted about the many hiking places and how often Charlie went, Kaia could see the excitement in his eyes. Their conversation naturally divulged into hobbies and things they had been up to. The two laughed and chatted, both of them wishing that they could stay in each other’s company. It was exactly what she needed.

“I haven’t been hearing you mix lately. The neighbourhood sounds quiet”

“Nothing I’ve come up with sounds good” she stated sheepishly, flushed at the fact that Charlie had noticed.

“Oh come on, I’m sure you’re being hard on yourself. You’re extremely talented, and I’m not saying that just to be nice or anything!” Charlie leaned in as he said this, and Kaia could tell that he truly meant what he was saying.

“No, it’s always garbage when I try to mix on my own” Charlie frowned at this much to Kaia’s dismay, and he sat back in his seat, looking slightly annoyed. Kaia felt her pulse quicken, feeling like she had disappointed him in some way.

“Is that what he tells you?” Kaia was about to drink her coffee, but that comment caught her off guard. She tensed, knowing where this conversation could go and where she didn’t want it to go. “I’m sorry, I just...”

“It’s okay. You don’t need to say anything” she assured him, setting her cup down and a small awkward silence filling the empty space. “I get that you care Charlie, but everything’s fine”.

“You don’t have to lie to me Kai” she avoided his gaze knowing that he would see right through her when she melted under his stare. “Look, I know it’s none of my business, but if what I think is happening, is happening, then you need to leave” she bit her lip again, stopping herself from confessing the truth to Charlie.

“Nothing’s happening Charlie. We’ve just been going through a rough patch. I’m fine, really” she hoped to god that she sounded convincing enough for Charlie to drop the topic. Nervous for his response, she glanced down at her phone and noticed the 15 missed calls. To add, they had been sitting in that coffee shop chatting for 2 hours. Kaia always came to Tyler’s defence, as Charlie wasn’t the first one to voice his concerns. Tyler was sweet and loving, but he often got jealous or irritated. However, it was always emphasized that Kaia crossed the lines that triggered Tyler and that he never acted irrationally.

“Thanks for the chat Charlie.” She smiled at him, taking the last sip of the liquid in her cup. “It was nice getting to know you more”. She could see Charlie hesitate, knowing he didn’t want the conversation to end. She secretly wanted the same thing as his, but she felt guilty for feeling this way.

In their various exchanges and in their conversation today, Kaia felt more and more attracted to Charlie. He was so kind and always interested in the person he was talking to. He empathized and expressed compassion in a way that Kaia had never experienced before. If she wasn’t with Tyler, she could see herself with Charlie and that made her feel horrible. She tried over and over again to convince herself that Charlie was nothing but a friend, when really she wanted more. Tyler loved her and only wanted the best for her, yet here she was wishing Charlie was in Tyler’s place instead. 

“You don’t have to be with someone that makes you feel the way you do” Charlie held Kaia’s hand across the table. “I know you might feel like you’re trapped, but you don’t have to be. You have a way out” Kaia quickly wiped away the tear that escaped her eyes, but Charlie wiped away the second one. The two sat in silence as Kaia quietly let a few more tears escape, but it was only a matter of time that Kaia would find herself in Charlie’s arms crying steadily, but still silently, until there was nothing left. When Kaia was sure she was done, Charlie pulled away to give her an encouraging smile and squeezed her arm.

That’s when Kaia kissed him.

In her mind, it all happened so fast. One moment, she was trying to protect Tyler, the next moment she was wishing Tyler was Charlie. That’s what led her to kiss him and Charlie to kiss her back. The two pulled apart, speechless and slightly out of breath, but Kaia didn’t stay long enough to get a response. She quickly grabbed her things and left Charlie to rush out after her. She kept walking despite his calls after her.

That kiss confirmed what Kaia had been trying to deny for a long time now. It confirmed that she didn’t want to be with Tyler anymore. It confirmed that she hadn’t wanted to be with him for a long time. She hasn’t loved him for a long time and it took someone else to help her realize there was love outside of Tyler. However, leaving Tyler wouldn’t be so easy. She tried many times, but there was always a reason as to why she never left. Unfortunately, that reason as of late had been fear. 

“Kai! Kaia! Would you just stop for a second?!” Charlie chased after her, ignoring the various stares that were casted their way. A car pulled up beside her on the street and she paused to get in. Kaia looked back at him regretfully, tears falling from her eyes again, before opening the door and being pulled in. Charlie was left on the side of the street, left wondering what the hell he had gotten himself into.

You’re so stupid, why can’t you think? I’m sorry. Yeah, well sorry isn’t good enough! What did I tell you about him?! I’m sorry. Is that all you can say?! Tyler, stop, you’re hurting me. I’m hurting you?! What about what you’re doing to me?! You’re so selfish Kaia. ... This is what I get for everything that I’ve given you?! ...I’m sorry. Just shut up.

Kaia quit her jobs the next day at Tyler’s request. His reasoning was that Kaia couldn’t be trusted outside of the house, so it would be better for her to pick up some work from home jobs. It didn’t help that he had found a printed bank statement with information about how much Kaia had in her savings, something he didn’t hesitate to use against her. 

If she was being honest, she felt absolutely awful and was quietly thankful that she was able to quit her jobs. It meant that she didn’t have to leave home, something that she was hoping for more and more. Kaia was riddled with guilt that deep down, she saw Charlie as more than a friend and that she kissed him, despite being in a relationship with Tyler. She reasoned that she was being unfaithful to Tyler, especially after everything he did for her back in Vancouver. Sure, she handled the financials, but Tyler showed her a whole new world that she never dreamed of getting access to. He introduced her to Canadian producers and artists, got her more involved in the music scene and he loved her. Tyler was her first everything! First kiss, first boyfriend, first time... He loved her. She was sure of it.

Or was she?

“She’ll have a water and a margherita pizza and I’ll have the tuscan with a coke” Kaia felt him squeeze her arm and she did her best not to flinch. He had insisted that he sat beside her whenever they dined out so that he could be closer to her, but his rough advances were uncomfortable, especially with the bruises. She sat there in silence staring off to space as they sat on the outdoor patio. 

He had been lashing out more lately and sometimes Kaia got in the way. He didn’t target her for his aggression, it was rather that she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. She didn’t dare tell a single soul. Not her friends back home, not her family, no one. That would prompt them to check on her more and more, something that she really didn’t want. She wanted to be left alone. Tyler had grown obsessive of knowing what she was doing at every moment. He held her phone from her and everywhere he went, she came along too. She was rarely left home alone. Had Tyler become toxic? Yes. 

Had he been toxic for a while? Well...

In truth, Kaia wanted to break things off a few months into their dating, but he’d always find a way to convince her otherwise. At some point, Kaia stopped questioning his off behaviour or quips and accepted it as that was who he was. She convinced herself that at his core the Tyler she fell for was still there and that right now he had all the reasons to be the way he was. Life as a musician was stressful, especially when you hadn’t made it into the industry. 

Kaia was pulled out of her thoughts as the waitress placed their orders down in front of them. Immediately, Tyler began portioning out her serving on her plate as she quietly sipped on her water.

“Can you look any more miserable Kaia? Jesus” he scoffed, shoving her serving in front of her. “If you’re going to be this miserable out and about, I might as well leave you at home” she ate her slice in silence, not entertaining his comments, knowing that whatever she said would be used against her anyways. His phone began vibrating and he sighed, seemingly conflicted. “I gotta take this inside because it’s too loud out here. Don’t leave until I come back” Kaia nodded softly continuing to chew on her slice, as he stepped away from the table, out of sight. Her heart began to race when she noticed he left her phone behind.

This is it. This is your chance out Kaia. Don’t think. Just do it.

She snatched the phone and quickly pin dropped her location with the word ‘HELP’, to the one person she knew she could count on. Quickly, she deleted the text and put her phone back, not wanting to be caught near it. She prayed that he would see her text and she prayed that he would be able to help her. As she watched her boyfriend return to the table, she felt her stomach knot and the pizza she consumed rise in her throat.

“Eat your food or people are going to think I’m making you starve or some shit” he scoffed sitting down beside her and continuing to eat. He didn’t notice anything.

“I’m not hungry anymore” she smiled at him, slightly pushing her plate away. He pushed it back to her.

“I don’t care. I don’t want people thinking I’m treating you poorly” she stiffly grabbed her half eaten slice and when she was nearly done, he put another one on her plate. In the distance, she saw the familiar orange subaru parallel park. Her heart rate increased.

“Thank you. Was that phone call good news?” Kaia knew that the number one thing Tyler liked was talking about himself and his accomplishment. She turned to face him more and tried her best to look really engaged in the conversation, despite her sweaty palms and pounding heart. She was grateful that his back was facing the inside of the restaurant and he turned to face her too, telling her about the exec who was interested in meeting him and listening to his work. She nodded and replied appropriately, but she couldn’t tell you what more he said. Kaia was too focused on the scene in the restaurant unfolding. She watched as Charlie walked in and explained the situation to the hostess who then called over what looked like the manager. The three of them stood in discussion as a police officer entered the restaurant as well, pointing to their table. Her stomach sank as she watched the officer and Charlie leave, but she did her best to keep her eyes focused, only looking at the background when he went for a bite or a drink.

The waitress made her way over and asked how their meal was or if there was anything that she could get for them. Kaia shook her head no and Tyler did as well, but she dropped off napkins, tapping them lightly and looking at Kaia directly. She took it as a sign that the napkins had something important, so she intentionally took a messy bite of pizza, to wipe her face. Too bad Tyler got to the napkin first. Wiping his mouth, he noticed a smudge mark of ink on the napkin and Kaia immediately knew she was done for. His face changed in an instant and he glared at her, throwing cash onto the table.

“Get up.”

“But I’m not done-”

“I said, Get. Up.” Kaia did as she was told and Tyler grabbed her arm, not caring at who was staring. She started to walk, but it wasn’t good enough for Tyler as he forced her to his side. “You think you’re so smart? Tipping off the waitress like you’re some prisoner”

“I didn’t-”

“Shut up. You little liar. I’m not hurting you. I’m not forcing you to be here. You can leave, but you don’t because you know that you’re nothing without me” he hissed into her ear as they made their way to the entrance, but the officer stopped them midway. “Can I help you, officer?”

“I just need to ask you some questions outside. Ma’am I’m going to have to ask you to wait inside with the manager” the officer was stern and surely Tyler would comply, but he proved different.

“I don’t feel comfortable leaving my girlfriend by herself,” he added, pulling her close.

“Tyler, just do as he says” she winced at the grip he had on her arm, glaring at her. 

“Sir, you need to come with me. Ma’am, I’m going to need you to step away from him” Kaia complied but Tyler didn’t, and soon she began to fight him off, struggling for her freedom all the while the police officer was trying to deescalate the situation. She finally slapped him across the face and he splashed a glass of water that was sitting on a table in her face, then throwing the glass at her. The police officer restrained him immediately and dragged him outside, while Kaia was left in the restaurant wet and a bruise starting to form on her cheek bone.

Was this it? Was it over?

She felt a soft warm cloth envelop her shoulders and she was handed a dish rag to try to dry off, but she was still in shock. She was moved to a less populated area of the restaurant, away from any clients and was sat down at a table. That’s when Charlie came running back in. As he rushed over to where she was sitting, she felt her own legs start to move quickly towards him, falling into his embrace. Charlie held her close, comforting her by whispering soothing words into her ears. He moved them to the table she was originally at and sat beside her, holding her while her tears fell and even after. He held her while another police officer approached them to update them on Tyler. He held her as they took down her statement and gave her directions as to what she would do next.

“Here is the address to the temporary apartment we will have you stay in. Do you have a vehicle or need transportation” Kaia read the address on the paper, but before she could speak up, Charlie did.

“Kai, I can drive you if you want. I can even help you get things that you need from your place” he smiled gently at her and cautiously, knowing that she was still in shock and overwhelmed.

“You’ll have a police escort on the premise if you would like to return home to grab a few things” Kaia looked at Charlie searching his eyes for some sort of sign that he was as hurtful as Tyler.

“I’ll let him drive me back and forth, thank you.” her voice sounded slightly croaky, probably from her crying. The officer notified them that she could give them 10 minutes before they had to leave. They would follow Charlie’s car to her house and escort her around to grab what she needed. From there, she would be followed to her temporary residence, until the courts could come to a conclusion about her situation. As the officer stepped away, Kaia took a deep breath and let out a big sigh.

“Thank you Charlie”

“I should be thanking you. What you did was hard, but it was the right thing to do. I’m always here for you, however you need me” He kissed her hand that he held and pulled her in for another hug. For the first time, in a long time, Kaia felt something she didn’t know she was missing.

Loved.

A/N: Look out for part 2!

#charlie gillespie #charlie gillespie imagines #charlie gillespie x reader #charlie gillespie fanfiction #fanfiction #imagine #imagines

[imagine-loki]

Hiding in Plain Sight

TITLE: Hiding in Plain Sight

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 11

AUTHOR: wolfpawn

ORIGINAL IMAGINE:Imagine coming from a line of nobility or royalty and being in an arranged marriage with Loki in an attempt to strengthen your kingdom / alliance with Asgard. You’re not entirely on board with the idea but figured that the best you could do was to get to know your fiancé. You form an agreement with Frigga for you to pose as Loki’s personal servant for a few months so you can get to know who Loki really is – beyond the veil of his responsibility to the Asgardian throne, behind all the masks he wears when facing the public, to really know who Loki is behind closed doors as you slowly fall for each other.How long will you keep up the ruse with the God of Lies? 

RATING: General Audience

“Loki?” Frigga looked worriedly at her son who burst into his parents’ shared rooms. “Is everything…?”

“You conspired with that elf against me?” He snapped. 

Sighing, Frigga gave a slight wave to her maids who all left the room. “Conspired is a strong word for it,” Her voice was calm and steady as she rose from her seat. “She wrote, asking of your character and I suggested she get to know you. Tatianna needed time with family and thus, I realised she could get to meet you without you being guarded as I knew you were unsure of the situation and were not likely to open up to her.”

Loki gasped in shock. “So you planned this? You were the one to actually suggest it?” He became more hurt at that revelation. 

“You treat that maid with nothing but kindness, I thought if Raven saw that side of you also, she would see how caring you are. I knew that you would not open yourself as willingly to her otherwise.” “I…” he could not explain his anger, such was its intensity. 

“Loki, I am truly sorry for doing this, clearly, it was a mistake on my behalf. I am genuinely sorry for hurting you so, my son.” She tried to have him look at her so that he would see she was being genuine. “In turn, I also hurt Raven.” Loki scoffed at the mention of the elf. “She is a lovely woman. Bright, kind, a good partner for you but instead, it appears my little idea has hurt you both so.” “Even after what you have done to me, the two of you, you care about her?” “Loki, Raven has had a very restricted life, she only wanted to know if she would be forced to endure the same here. I know you will not believe this but she simply wishes to be happy and knowing I am integral to the suffering of more unhappiness for her is upsetting for me. It does not take for my upset at the hurt I caused you.” 

Loki scowled. Raven’s words came back to him again, of her loneliness and the life she was forced to lead thus far. He didn’t want to feel pity for her. He wanted to loathe her, something quite easy to do with her actions but it still played on his mind. Without saying another word to his mother, he turned to leave. 

“I genuinely believe that given the time, you will see you are well suited, Loki,” Frigga stated. 

“Perhaps we could have been.” Loki acknowledged. “But you scuppered our chances significantly with your idea.” With that, he left the room. 

* Raven sat in her room, the door between her bed chambers and front chambers locked and with a sofa in front of it in case any thought to try and open it. She had been ready for Loki’s ire and remarks, she had long built a thick skin being the youngest of five and with four older brothers, what she had not been ready for was her own words. The idea of sitting alone in her rooms for days on end was nothing new to her, what was new was the knowledge that it would not come to an end. Growing up, she had hoped the day would come that she would have a happier existence. Even as a Ljósáfar wife to a Ljósáfar husband, she could not possibly be forced to remain as she had been growing up. On hearing she was marrying an Aesir, she knew life would be far different and on knowing it was Prince Loki, though she knew little of his demeanour, she knew the Aesir way of life would allow her far greater freedom and she also knew him to be very intelligent, allowing her to fantasise of the many conversations and discussions they could share. The debates they could muster in private in the evenings after court was complete for the day. She had been excited about that. Even if they did not see eye to eye, she had dreamed of debate and conversation where she was not required to remain silent. Instead, now she had ruined any such an idea and would be forced to look at the walls that currently surrounded her for considerable years yet to come and that felt far more daunting than she could ever fathom. It filled her with a dread that made her feel like she would begin to hyperventilate at any moment. She felt entirely trapped. 

Questions swirled around in her mind. Would Loki take a mistress? Would he take many over the years? Would she have to endure dark-haired offspring he sired outside of wedlock to mistresses being recognised unofficially? Would she go to empty rooms every night while his were filled with love, passion and the giggles of a lover? Would she remain alone? Would people whisper how she was not a fit spouse? That she was not up to the task of securing the line of her husband. Or, just as heart-wrenching, would she be forgotten about, again. Only recognised and remembered when she stood in the shadow of the important male she was tied to. 

Thoughts of her perhaps finding love, feeling unconditional love could not come to her, after all, such was preposterous to her current state. She remembered the affections she felt before with Lord Arden. The stolen kisses, the sneaking around and indeed, the illicit actions of it. When it was made clear that she was to wed Loki, he left immediately with no thorough explanation. She always wondered if it was because it hurt too much to see her being wed elsewhere and he wanted a clean break, or after a while, she suspected it was because he realised he would not achieve his goal of a respectable dowry from her and decided to try other women. She was unsure if she had come to that second conclusion in her own mind to placate her feelings or not but that was going to be her excuse to make her feel better, factual or otherwise. 

Curled up with her head on her knees and her arms wrapped around them, she did nothing but think sadly of the situation at hand. 

* “You insulted the Ljósáfar.” 

Thor had Mjolnir ready for what was to come and chuckled to himself as he deflected several knives that Loki tossed his way. 

“You’re never able to aim properly when you are overly angered.” “You said nothing.” Loki’s voice was barely over a hiss. “I was sworn to secrecy.” “By someone you don’t even know?” “By our mother, a being I know even longer than you do,” Thor stated, avoided a blast of magic by using Mjolnir’s own version of such. “Raven only agreed because she wanted to get to know you.” “And that was how she decided to do so?” Loki spat. “Not by engaging me in any manner that would signify any attempt of an honest and healthy introduction?” “Since you failed to answer her three written attempts at such, I cannot imagine she felt she had many other options.”

Loki froze. “What?” “Raven wrote to you. On three separate occasions, and you ignored all three.” 

“No, she did not.” Loki shook his head. “Indeed, she did.” Thor reiterated. “This was confirmed, not only by her but when I asked the Postmaster, he confirmed it. I asked him so I could confirm it because you are not one to ignore a letter and I suspected you would call her a liar to save yourself. Three separate letters, dated months apart so to allow for time to receive and reply should you be otherwise busy, giving you time to do so. All three remained unanswered.” “I received no such letters,” Loki repeated. 

“Well, three were sent from Alfheim, sorted by the Postmaster himself and delivered to your rooms,” Thor informed him. “She tried before now. It is why she had to try and find reports on your personality elsewhere.” Thor slapped his shoulder. “I wanted to warn you. Well, I mostly wanted to warn you. Part of me also wanted to see the look of shock on your face when you realised who she was. That was until I realised what you were saying about her. I told you many times, Loki, this is very hard on her.” 

Loki had been bothered by the supposed letters he had not received until Thor mentioned Raven’s ‘struggle’. “Norns, if I have to hear this again.” He threw his brother’s hand from his shoulder. “Poor Raven, how lonely she has had it. How she had to remain seen and never heard. The Elf I have borne witness to is no such shrinking violet. She literally feels like she has to have the last word, come Helfheim or high water.” 

“Because that is who she is. She feels here like she does not have to be a statue any longer.” Thor argued. “Do not lie for one second and tell me that you want a silent and boring wife because you and I both know you rather lose your life than being forced to wed someone without their tongue. How else could you ever have someone at your beck and call to argue with day and night? I would have thought an opinionated and in your belief, an argumentative wife would have suited you to the ground. I doubt you want a wife that would agree with everything you say without question. Where would be the fun in that?” 

Loki could not argue that point. Nothing would disgust him more. “That does not negate her actions.” 

“She felt she had no choice. Was it something I would suggest? No, but it was for a good reason. She just wanted a good partner.” 

Loki scowled. “And in doing so, ensured she would not get one.” 

“Loki, please. This is going ahead whether or not you are happy about it, so you have two choices, be angry with her for this, accept any and all apologies, learn about her and try and form a healthy and fulfilling marriage with her or continue this animosity and live an unfulfilled marriage. I will soon have to court my betrothed and if the options of both were on the table, I know I would not wish to remain arguing.” “She already made it clear, the hope is to perform some sacred ritual, ensure you and your wife spawn multiple times and stay as far away from me as is physically possible.” 

“Loki, the woman I have spoken to multiple times wants entirely the opposite of that and I know you don’t want to believe it but to her, coming here, having a husband such as you was something she wanted. Sadly, things have gone slightly awry.” Loki began to scoff at his words before pausing. “When has all this conversing been taking place?” “Through her stay here.” Thor kept his answers broad so as to not have Loki sense any dishonesty. 

Loki studied his brother closer. “Like when?” “Do you honestly think I can recall days and times off the top of my head?”

“Do you know where in the palace she is?” Thor tried to think of something to say to argue that but silence or a no would immediately be sensed as a lie. “Why?” “I deserve to know, as her betrothed, surely?” “Not if you are going to add to her loneliness with it.” “Loneli…If I wanted to add to her loneliness, the last thing I would do is ask where to find her, Thor.” Loki scoffed. “Where is she?”

“I am not going to tell you if you are going to use it to add to this farce.” Thor’s declared. 

Loki knew he was telling the truth, much to his own annoyance. “Then leave.” “This is the royal hallway, I don’t have to leave. I live here, same as you.” Thor reminded him. “In your time speaking with Raven, what have you learnt of her?” “That she’s a conniving wench.” 

“No, Loki. In all seriousness, what have you learnt of her? What did it reveal of her knowledge of you?”

“Nothing, she knows nothing of me. Made clear by how she thought to get to know me.” He snapped. “Her way of speaking to me was not to introduce herself but to act like a maid, to scrub toilets and rummage through my belongings. That’s how little she thinks of me.” Loki paused. He had not thought of that previously. She had been privy to all of his belongings. Letters of private matters, items of personal value that he would not have wanted her to see. It annoyed him greatly that she had touched and rummaged through such things.

Seeing his brother getting irritated, Thor decided to alter his train of thought before he focused too greatly on what was annoying him. “So in that time, she got nothing right about your personality? I refuse to believe that because when I discussed the issue with her, I think she got your personality to perfection. The anger, the silent treatment, she even apologised to me for the aggression you would show me, both physical and otherwise.” “That, she did ascertain correctly. That is hardly surprising as it would be considered a normal reaction by most.” Loki dismissed. “I will not repeat myself, where is she?” “You’re repeating yourself saying that to me again.” Thor pointed out. “Until you are willing to speak with her like an adult, I will not tell you.” “You owe me.” “You owe her, considering you never even wrote back when she tried to engage you herself.” Loki said nothing as Thor walked off, leaving him to his thoughts. He walked back to his room and looked at the platter his letters always were placed when delivered to him. There were three there at that time. He walked over and looked around, noting there was nowhere any letter could have fallen for him to not have seen it. 

The Aesir Postmaster was a man of set ways. He was practically devout in how he viewed his role. If a letter went missing in his office, Norns have mercy on the being that moved it. He took the role as seriously as Odin took the role of Allfather. If he genuinely told Thor that there had been three letters from the Ljósáfar palace for him, then there had been. So where were they?

#Loki #others #submission #submitted fic #chapter 11 #hiding in plain sitght #wolfpawn

[oldfritz]

I'm genuinely curious and don't want to start something! Just wanted to ask what you make of the 'Old Fritz might've been asexual' take, I don't know much about him and I feel you're one of the best people to ask esp since you lean towards 'he was probably queer in some way' too

Hey there! So, first off, don’t ever worry about me interpreting you asking me a question as starting something. As much as I love making dumb jokes about the guy, I love nothing more than doing this kind of stuff and defending or explaining my points. There’s two degrees I want to get over the next decade: first my JD and then my MA in Prussian history. I live for this stuff! Always have! Second off, I’m very sorry for not getting to this sooner. Things have been incredibly stressful for me for a variety of different reasons which have made answering your question, until now, rather difficult. Putting this under a cut because, holy shit, it got long!

My personal reasoning for why I think he’s bi (which, correct me if I’m wrong, I’m assuming is what you meant instead of ace and could be a different post entirely since some historians have tried to argue that) stems more to do with some of my lingering questions about the nature of his relationships with certain woman, rather than that of his relationships with men. To me and my modern, queer eye, Fritz’s relationships with men like Hans Hermann von Katte, Francisco Algarotti, Michael Gabriel Fredersdorf, and (much to my personal vexation) one Monsieur Voltaire are either outright homosexual/homoerotic in nature or very, very easily lend themselves to that interpretation rather than strictly romantic friendships (which Wikipedia does a fairly good overview of and, if you’re coming to me from AmRev perspective, uses Hamilton and Laurens’ relationship as a familiar example). While I’m avoiding those relationships in this ask, I’d be more than happy to elaborate upon one/all of them in a different one. 

Before I go into the big pauses that Fritz’s relationships with Madame von Wreech and Countess Orzelska give me, I want to deny the use of Fritz’s wife as an example of Fritz’s attraction to woman. While this, admittedly, may sound odd, we have ample evidence of how turned off and repulsed Fritz found Elisabeth Christine. Before he had even met her, Fritz was complaining about how she was ‘not very pretty, speaks but little, and acts like a blockhead’ (Asprey, 87) and, later, admitted to Grumbkow his plan to ‘keep my word,...get married, but afterwards it will be a case of that is that, and goodbye, Madame, and fare thee well’ (Jones, 52). For Christ’s sake, the man pitied her knowing how his treatment would leave her as ‘one more unhappy princess in the world’! Which is little consolation when you remember he also referred to her with such romantic terms as ‘this unpleasant creature,’ ‘the abominable object of my desires,’ ‘the person,’ and claimed to have preferred to marry ‘the biggest whore in Berlin’ (Asprey, 87). And while we (fortunately? unfortunately?) know quite a bit about their sex life, Fritz largely regarded it as just another duty - to quote him, ‘I will only have the duty to fuck’ (Ibid, 87). And while Seckendorf heard - first, presumably from Count von der Schulenburg and, later on, Count Friedrich von Wartensleben, a close and intimate friend of the then-crown prince - that Fritz would ‘fuck and refuck’ Elisabeth Christine and that said act occurred in the afternoon, it still was out of a sense of obligation (Bely, 481-2). When reminded that if he wanted more money for frivolities, he’d need to produce an heir, Fritz bemoaned that he ‘cannot sleep with my wife out of desire, and when I do sleep with her, I do it out of duty rather than inclination’ (Clark, 50). All this in accumulation, as well as the myriad of other quotes and incidents I’ve left out, makes one wonder why his relationship with Elisabeth Christine is sometimes used by historians to prove any sort of heterosexual impulse in the man when she’s the woman with the weakest supports for that argument.

That being said, now we get to the women with a more muddled places in his romantic escapades, if you will. What exactly happened between Orzelska and Fritz during his trip with his father to Dresden in 1728? The main source for everything that occurred during this trip is Wilhelmina, who didn’t attend and without anything about this specific incident coming from Fritz or Friedrich Wilhelm I, make it rather hard to use as concrete, irrefutable proof. Now, if her recollections were contemporaneous - like coming from a diary or journal she kept at the time - that would be one thing. But it comes from her memoirs which, while a delightful read 10/10 recommend, are written decades after this trip took place and, memory being a finicky thing, can’t be taken to the bank. All those disclaimers, here’s the story as told by her:

‘One evening...,the King of Poland [note: Augustus II] insensibly led the King of Prussia to a very richly decorated room...The King of Prussia, delighted with what he saw, stopped to contemplate all its beauties, when [all of] a sudden a tapestry was rolled up, which procured him a very novel sight. It was a lovely female in a state of nudity [note: Countess Orzelska, the Polish king’s daughter], carelessly reclined on a couch. Her beauty excelled that of the finest pictures of Venus and the Graces; her body seemed of ivory, whiter than snow, and better shaped than that of the Venus de Medicis at Florence.

...Scarcely had the King cast his eyes on the fair one, than he turned about with indignation; and seeing my brother behind him, he rudely pushed him out of the room, and left it immediately after in a violent irritation against the trickery they had attempted to practice on him. ...In spite of the King’s vigilance, [Frederick] had had time to contemplate the Venus of the closet, who did not cause him so much horror as she had done to his father. (Wilhelmina’s Memoirs, vol. 1, 107-6)

Wilhelmina then goes on to claim Fritz had fallen ‘passionately in love’ with Orzelska and that the illness Fritz experienced upon returning home was simply being lovesick. Pinning the accuracy of this story is incredibly difficult because, again, we have only one source relayed decades after the fact and from two volumes of memoirs known to have inaccuracies. While I, personally, would love if he had had a tryst with Orzelska (who is such a badass in her own right and deserves more recognition than as a footnote in this guy’s story), there’s no one way to say with more than 30% confidence. I am inclined to believe something along these lines happened because if someone told me a story like this, lord knows I wouldn’t forget it for the rest of my life. And, with Wilhelmina being so close with her brother, it lends a bit more credence but as to the actual emotional or physical response Fritz had to it, well, without my time machine, I can’t and don’t want to say.

With Madame Eleonore-Louise von Wreech, things are a little more concrete. For starters, Fritz actually talked about her! In written correspondence that survived! We even have seven letters between the two of them that survived, which is a bigger win! As Blanning says, they’re ‘ardent but light in tone, ironic, almost flippant, and highly stylized’ (Blanning, 58). Their relationship was known to those close with Fritz at the time that Schulenberg felt compelled to visit and warn the crown prince against devoting himself to women because ‘the slight pleasures gained cause a million displeasures.’  Fritz’s response? To tell the poor guy that he may have ‘the gift of continence, but I assure you that I do not’ (Asprey, 83-4). Firtz even went so far as to send a letter to her mother, waxing poetic about Louise’s ‘beauty, her majestic air, her bearing, and her entire department.’ It’s worth noting that Louise eventually broke off the affair due to being bored by how he ‘loved [her] too much and often annoyed [her] with his clumsy love’ (Ibid, 84). Contemporaries, including Friedrich Wilhelm, believed Fritz had impregnated her with a daughter who her ‘cuckolded husband would refuse to recognize’ (Blanning, 58). Blanning is the only source I’ve seen dispute this due to this news coming from Seckendorf, who didn’t reveal how he came about this information; that Fritz and Madame von Wreech’s correspondence doesn’t indicate a physical relationship; and on the fact that she was not pregnant. I haven’t been able to find the birth dates or any sort of records for Louise’s two daughters to figure out where their conception could’ve been in the timeline and if it matches with the likely dates for the affair, but I also don’t have the resources Cambridge would afford Blanning. Either way, while the physical nature of the affair is in dispute, the emotional aspect certainly was there. Especially when taking into consideration the fact that she’s the woman Fritz was likely referring to in the 16 August 1737 letter to Voltaire where he claimed she had taught him how to love (and also inspired him to write poetry, which we shouldn’t be thankful for). Specifically, all these years later, he stated how ‘this little miracle of nature possessed every possible charm, together with good taste and delicacy. She sought to transfer these qualities to me. I succeeded well in love but poorly in poetry. Since that time I have very often been in love and have always been a poet’ (Fritz’s Oeuvres, vol. 21, 96).

All this to say, there’s a bit too much evidence of some degree of opposite-gender attraction in Fritz to completely write off the possibility that he could’ve been bisexual. While it’s undeniable he held a preference for men and that’s whose company he typically enjoyed, I still do find it interesting the two exceptions (one potential and the other with a fair degree of certainty) to this. And, while I would never want his attraction to men be minimized in favor of that to women, it still remains important to note to get the most comprehensive picture of the man.

#frederick the great #elisabeth christine #countess orzelska #madame von wreech #asks #anonymous

[beewolfwrites]

And When I am Formulated, Sprawling on a Pin - Chapter Four: Midnight Pharmacy

Hi again! Just the fourth instalment of my Chishiya x OC/ x reader fic. You can find the all the chapters so far on AO3 here. 

Thank you to all the kind people who’ve liked and commented so far. Hopefully you’ll enjoy this chapter too (and hopefully it wasn’t boring haha) :)

-------------------------------------------------

I fell to my knees, shuddering. We did it. We made it. It was close, but we won. My relief was short-lived, however, as the tagger shifted upright. The movement caused his horse-head mask to fall off, revealing, not an ex-military man, but instead, an older woman.

Oh god no…

She looked around frantically, tears and fear welling in her eyes. A metal collar around her neck started flashing, and a small yelp escaped her lips as the collar exploded, drenching the white walls red with her blood.

My eyes burned. I couldn’t tear them away. I couldn’t breathe or move with the impact of what had just happened. And it seems that I wasn’t the only one, because the room was silent.

She was an old woman… scared…. She was a player too, and we killed her by surviving.

I peeled my eyes from her limp body and looked down. I was covered in blood, only some of it my own. My hands were red and slick too, and when I swallowed, there was a tang of metal.  

Movement caught the corner of my vision. It was Chishiya. He casually inspected the carnage, his eyes shifting from the body, to the walls, to me.

He’s so… unbothered.

He leaned against the doorframe as the other man and the climber girl slowly made their way out of the room. They walked slowly, refusing to look at the woman’s drained features. There was a faint click as the door to the apartment closed, and we were alone.

He strolled to the centre of the room, taking a good look at the buttons, before crouching over the tagger’s body. Something instinctual stirred within me as he began to root through her pockets. I wanted to tell him to leave her alone, that she didn’t deserve to be prodded and poked, but I didn’t have the words. It was like they had been ripped from my throat.

He pulled something out of her coat – a square piece of paper – and unfolded it. I couldn’t see it from where I was sat, but he stared at it for a long moment before slipping it into his pocket.

‘Are you going to keep sitting there on the floor?’

‘She was a player.’ The words felt worse saying them aloud. They tasted bad. ‘She was fighting for her own life too.’

Chishiya turned around, presumably to make some kind of snarky comment. Instead, his eyes were serious. ‘It must hurt by now.’

He was looking at my gunshot wound. With my uninjured arm, I patted the area around the marred skin, feeling pure, sharp pain shoot through.

‘I forgot all about it.’

He stood slowly, then moved to the doorway. ‘Come with me,’ he said, and disappeared into the other room.  

I don’t know why I did it. A part of me hated him. A part of me owed him my life. Hell, a part of me wondered if his casual cruelty was just a coping mechanism for everything going on around us. But no matter why I did it, I clambered unsteadily to my feet and followed.

He was waiting for me outside the apartment, and I closed the door softly behind me as the electricity began to shut off. In silence, we descended the central staircase and made our way out of the building. A hard rain had begun to fall, the drops washing away the blood from my face, hands and hair… washing away the evidence… washing away her existence like that collar.

Never even once looking back, Chishiya led me down the road and through twisted streets before coming to a stop outside a pharmacy. The door was open, unlocked, but inside some of the shelves had been scavenged. Making his way behind the counter, he disappeared into the shelves at the back. I could hear the rustles and crinkles of wrappers and packaging as he picked out items. Wandering around the room, I caught sight of myself in a small mirror.

I was still covered in specks of blood. Her blood.

A spike of nausea hit me. Grabbing a half-drunk water bottle abandoned on the counter, I used the remaining water inside to scrub away the dried blood that the rain hadn’t cleared. I only felt slightly more at ease once I started to look like myself again.

Chishiya returned carrying several rolls of bandages, dressings, a bottle of some kind of antiseptic and a sterile cloth still wrapped in packaging. Dumping them on the countertop, he pointed to a desk chair lurking in front of the till. Again, I don’t know exactly why I obeyed so easily. Perhaps it was the exhaustion, combined with the throbbing torture of my arm, that left me too tired to argue. He pulled up a stool and sat across from me, a little too close. Every time he leaned forward, I could see the jut of his collar bone, could smell the laundry detergent of his clothes.

‘Your jacket needs to come off,’ he said.  

‘I don’t think I can move my arm. You were right, it’s killing me.’

‘It still needs to come off,’ he replied, and with a surprising amount of care, began to peel the shoulder of my torn jacket away.

Biting my lip against the pain, I tried not to shriek as he slowly maneuvered my arm out of its sleeve. Once free, I shrugged the ruined jacket to the ground. It was useless now. He briefly turned away to rub his hands with alcohol, before scrutinizing the wound.

‘You’re lucky,’ he concluded. ‘The bullet only grazed you, and it doesn’t need stitches.’

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. ‘Oh, lucky me. It still hurts like hell.’

‘Well, it’s about to hurt more,’ Chishiya said, as he took the sterile cloth out of its packaging and reached for the bottle of antiseptic.  

Before I’d even had the chance to register his words, he pressed the dampened cloth to the wound. This time, I couldn’t hold back a cry, and I put my hand in my mouth, biting as hard as I could in distraction. Meanwhile, he continued to clean the wound, unaffected by my struggles. By the time he’d finished and pulled away, I saw that look in his eyes once more. The same one that he’d given me in the entrance of the Tag game, that left me feeling like a tiny being trapped by a monster.

‘The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,’ I whispered under my breath between wheezes.

He raised a brow in silent question.

‘It’s from a poem,’ I explained. ‘I have known the eyes already, known them all –

the eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase, and when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin, when I am pinned and wriggling on the wall, then how should I begin.’

Chishiya had stopped what he was doing. ‘Do bullet wounds normally make you recite poetry?’

I glared at him. ‘Of course not. I just realised something. The way you look at me sometimes… it makes me feel like a bug, like I’m a specimen and you’re studying me. I hate it when you look at me like that.’

He seemed to consider this for a moment, then unwrapped a dressing from its sterile packaging. ‘Do you read poetry a lot?’

From his tone of voice, I could tell that he didn’t care. He was probably just finding ways to fill the silence as he pressed the dressing down firmly.

‘I studied it,’ I confessed. ‘I have a Masters, and I’d just graduated before, you know, ending up here.’

He scoffed as he unwrapped a roll of bandages. ‘There is no use in studying fiction. It’s a waste of time.’

His answer didn’t surprise me. I was used to people looking down on my passion and my subject. Even in my own family, it was my brother who supported my decision. As for my father…

‘It’s not a waste,’ I insisted. ‘It’s not even about the fictional bits. It’s about life and finding meaning and purpose in everything.’

Chishiya’s hands stilled. ‘Tell me, then,’ he began, ‘what meaning could you possibly find in books that you couldn’t find here? Every game you play pushes you to the edge of survival. There is no more meaning to life than that.’ He paused, looking me coldly in the eye. ‘When you used my taser on the tagger… when she died simply because you lived… where were your books then?’

I froze. His words were callous, edged with bitterness, and I couldn’t really deny them. But I wouldn’t expect someone like him to understand. He would never understand.

‘What did you do then?’ I muttered coldly. ‘In your previous life, I mean. It must’ve been something huge and super important then.’

He didn’t reply. Maybe it was a touchy subject, or maybe he just didn’t want to make small talk. Instead, he busied himself with winding bandages around my arm, his cool fingertips occasionally brushing my skin.

‘Fine then,’ I said, ‘don’t answer me. But I have another thing I need help with understanding.’

He was silent, waiting.

‘I… I admit, I still haven’t figured out what the difficulty levels mean… or even how the visas work.’

He hummed with vague amusement. ‘It shouldn’t be that difficult to work out… I must’ve overestimated your intelligence.’

The comment was clearly intended to get me to rise to it, but I refused to go for the bait. I genuinely needed his help understanding how these games worked, how the system worked, how this entire alternate Tokyo worked. Falling into his snide traps wouldn’t help me, even if every word he said rattled me deep down inside.

After a few moments silence, he finished tying the bandage around my arm and removed his hands, tucking them to his pockets. But he didn’t move away, and now that he wasn’t giving me first aid, the closeness between our bodies had become distinctly uncomfortable. I was suddenly aware that his knee touched mine.

‘It’s simple,’ he said at last. ‘The number from one to ten is the difficulty, but the card suit represents the type of game. The first game we played together, that was a Clubs game. Clubs are based on teamwork. And then there’s Diamonds games, which are based on intelligence.’

I nodded, as it began to click. My first game was built around strategy, so naturally it would be a Diamonds game. Meanwhile the Jack in the Box game was entirely based on working as a team. In the first game there could only be one winner, whereas in the second we had to open both doors and save each other.

‘And Spades?’ I asked.

‘Spades games can be hard,’ he continued. ‘Like the game we just had, they focus more on physical ability. But it’s Hearts games that are the most fun.’

I blinked. ‘Fun?’

He nodded, lips curling at the corners. ‘Hearts games are about betrayal… toying with people’s emotions.’

I gulped. It sounded horrible, like a game of manipulation.

‘Doesn’t sound like fun if you ask me,’ I said.

He laughed, a quiet huff of air. ‘It’s interesting to see what people are willing to do in order to survive.’

The words sent a shiver through me. The thought that Chishiya may be a genuine psychopath had occurred to me before, however I was reluctant to consider it. He clearly viewed the people around him as things to be looked down upon, to be analysed for their behavioural ticks. He wasn’t interested in doing anything that didn’t benefit himself in some way, that was clear. And yet, here he was, bandaging my wounds. But for what gain? It couldn’t be for his own… unless he had an ulterior motive.

‘Why are we here?’ I whispered. ‘Why did you really bring me here?’

‘Because I thought you might have potential.’

‘Potential for what?’ I pried. ‘You mean, for the games?’

Leaning back on his stool, he let the question settle in the air for just a second too long. It only took that extra second of silence for the atmosphere to drop even further into discomfort, like a song playing just a half-beat too slow.

‘Have you heard of the Beach?’ he asked.

‘The Beach?’

He let out a short sigh, as if I had disappointed him somehow. ‘I suppose you wouldn’t have, since you’re still new to this world.’ He pulled his headphones out of his pocket, beginning to untangle the wires. ‘The Beach isn’t really a beach. It’s a hotel. But it has food, shelter, electricity, hot water… all the comforts of the real world.’ Hesitating, he added. ‘It’s a utopia.’

This time, it was my turn to snicker.

‘A utopia? ‘I laughed, joyless. ‘There’s no such thing. Did you forget what I told you? I’ve studied literature. People know all about dystopias, places that are bad, and they assume that utopias are the opposite – a good place. But the whole idea of a utopia as a perfect society was created by a man named Thomas More. He wrote a book called Utopia. It’s about a fictional island, a place where everyone lives in harmony.’ I leaned forward, smiling triumphantly in spite of the pain that shot through my arm. ‘But here’s the thing – it’s just fiction. The actual Greek word ‘utopia’ doesn’t mean good place. It means no place. More was being ironic. Societies are a reflection of the people within them, and humans are naturally flawed. So an ideal society could never possibly exist.’

I fell silent, hoping that I had suitably ruined Chishiya’s attempt to recruit me into his group. But he didn’t seem at all phased by anything I had said. He was quietly observing me as if all my knowledge was some form of mild entertainment to him. After a minute of silence, things were starting to get really awkward.

Mumbling, I added, ‘I don’t recommend his book. It’s a bit of a dull read.’

‘I can imagine,’ he replied, finally. ‘Reading something like that would be a waste of time.’

Any pride I felt after my little speech suddenly deflated. How does he always manage to find a way to put me down?

His eyes lowered, as if considering something. ‘You do have potential to be of use to the Beach. If you come with me now, you’ll be welcomed in—’

‘I don’t want to go with you,’ I said. ‘I don’t care about your utopia. I just want to survive.’

‘I see,’ he said quietly. ‘But you will join the Beach sooner or later. Every night our people take part in games. The others from the Jack in the Box game, they were members. And in the Tag game, the two men in the elevator with you.’

Listening to the way he talked about the place, it didn’t seem like he cared much for it. He had walked away during the Eight of Clubs game despite one of his ‘members’ having died.

‘What are you saying?’ I asked, knowing I probably wouldn’t like the answer.

‘I’m saying that you’ll come across our members repeatedly. And chances are, they’ll try to approach you like I have. Take it from me, they won’t be so nice about it.’

Does he mean that they’ll force me to join? They can’t possibly… could they?

I shook my head firmly. This conversation was over. ‘I’m sorry, but no. Thank you for the offer, and for treating my arm, but I’d rather take my chances.’

He shrugged and got to his feet. The air suddenly felt colder now as he moved away, sauntering towards the door. ‘Suit yourself. But we’ll see each other again, and not necessarily in a game.’

And with that, he left me alone in the pharmacy, the door swinging closed behind him.

#alice in borderland #chishiya #chishiya shuntaro #chishiya x oc #chishiya x reader #chishiya alice in borderland

[kill-your-authors]

My TTT 1 and TTT 3 Joe x Nicky character analysis:

Reading the Tales Through Time 3 comic is interesting because remember in the first Tales Through Time comic everyone was up in arms because Nicky was being “out of character” because he didn’t want to stab a nazi on sight in the middle of his romantic night out with Joe and because Nicky was giving Joe shit for always finding some righteous pursuit to interrupt their only private time together and because he seemed “annoyed” (he didn’t, but I digress...) to be interrupted by a woman’s desperate scream seconds before someone attempted to rape her? 

Yet, in this most recent comic, Joe is frustrated with Nicky because he’s going on a spree in Minnesota during the moon landing, right? Nicky is the one going out of his way to pursue justice in the middle of something that’s important to Joe. Not a romantic night out, but nonetheless, a one-of-a-kind moment in history that Joe specifically wanted to witness with Nicky. Joe is the one arguing against it.  For him it was enough to kill the serial killer, but for Nicky, it wasn’t. He wants to kill everyone who played any part in allowing the killer to get away with it. 

Now, setting aside the possibility that this contradiction is just an oversight on the writers’ part -

What changed and why?

In both TTT 1 and 3, Joe and Nicky feel entirely in character to me. I didn’t agree with people who thought that Nicky was being “out of character” in TTT 1 for not wanting to cause a scene on their romantic night out with someone who hadn’t even committed a crime yet, nevermind that Nicky seems like the voice of reason, the practical one, the one between Nicky and Joe who is more capable of accepting that they can’t get every bad guy every time, they can’t fight every battle every time. They can only do so much good, and they still deserve time for themselves. Or at least, that’s what I was thinking after reading TTT 1.

Now though, after reading TTT 3, it suddenly makes as much sense to me that Joe be the one who is more capable of accepting that they can’t do it all all the time, and that they still deserve time to themselves, and Nicky be the passionate one who can’t let something go. (I think I prefer it, honestly. I loved hearing Joe talk about seeing the beauty and magic in life. He’s such a pure-hearted character and I’ve always headcanoned that he more than anyone else in the guard is extremely grateful for his long life and never takes it for granted and never resents it because he knows there is always more to see and experience and live for.)

But either way, the point is the comics contradict one another, right? Joe and Nicky switched points of view? 

So, what makes this time different for the both of them? Why isn’t Joe the one on the spree, and Nicky the one in the bar lamenting that Joe isn’t there with him to witness the moon-landing? 

I think the difference lies in what the purpose of killing is for each of them. 

For Joe, killing is a means to an end. People are being killed by a killer - kill the killer, stop the killing. The killer is now dead and so he can’t kill anyone else. In Joe’s eyes, he has made the world a better place, he has saved the lives of that killer’s future victims. Preventing future harm is the point of killing for Joe. 

But for Nicky? Killing is about punishment. It is about taking the life of someone who doesn’t deserve to live. For Nicky, life is a privilege not a right. You earn your life either by doing good, or at the very least, by not doing harm. And once you’ve done harm, you no longer deserve to live. That is why Nicky thinks the people who enabled the killer to keep killing also deserve to die. This isn’t about hypothetical future victims that would have died. This is about victims who have already died. He is looking at the 24 men and boys who were killed and thinking they would still be alive if it weren’t for the killer AND he is looking at everyone who enabled that killer, and thinking some of the 24 men and boys would also still be alive if it weren’t for them. Punishing harm done is the point of killing for Nicky.

And what’s really interesting is when you start considering why that is. Why killing is about preventing future harm for Joe and why killing is about punishing harm already done for Nicky.

As always, it brings me back to their origin. Most likely, Joe was just in the wrong place at the wrong time when the siege of Jerusalem happened. He had been a merchant, but now his people were being slaughtered. He took up a scimitar and decided to fight to save them because the alternative was letting people die. For Nicky, the Crusades were a choice he made. He went to Jerusalem with the intention of killing people. Later, he realized what he’d done. The harm he’d done. The harm his people had done. For 900 some years, he has had to live with himself and for 900 some years he has done all the good he can do, served all the justice he can, in an attempt to make up for the harm he did in the Crusades. 

Joe has forgiven him, and loved him, and seen him become compassionate and good. Joe knows Nicky will never harm anyone again, and so that is why it is about what will happen for Joe, and not what has happened. Because of Nicky, it can never just be about what a person has done. It can only ever be about whether or not that person will change, and whether or not they will continue to do harm. 

But for Nicky, it has to always be about what a person has already done. Between being Catholic, and having been a part of something horrible, Nicky believes people have to be punished for what they’ve done. It is not enough for someone to be sorry, or never do it again. They have to make up for the harm they’ve done. And to Nicky, there are some things you just can’t make up for. In Nicky’s eyes, killing 24 men and boys, or enabling someone to kill 24 men and boys, is one of those things you can’t make up for. So he kills them. 

And this doesn’t contradict anything that happened in TTT 1. In TTT 1, the nazi hadn’t done anything yet. Both Joe and Nicky recognized that he would - which explains why Joe was already upset, and already about to do something, because for Joe it is about what will happen - but he hadn’t yet - which explains why Nicky tries to talk Joe out of doing something, because for Nicky it’s about what’s already happened. And it wasn’t until he did do something that Joe killed him. Similarly with the flashback, someone did something unforgivable, and so Joe killed him. For both Joe and Nicky killing those two in those respective situations aligned with their own personal reasons for killing. Those men were prevented from assaulting anyone in the future and punished for the assault they’d already done. 

If anything I’m saying right now is an accurate interpretation of Joe and Nicky’s individual motives for killing, I have to say that I really appreciate this characterization. I prefer a Nicky who can be blinded by the pursuit of justice to the point that he becomes something ugly (as Joe points out, his honor, his bravery, his compassion becomes ugly) and I prefer a Joe who cares more about helping good people than harming bad people. I think it makes sense that this is what it’s about for both of them. Joe could never be like Nicky, because if he was like Nicky, he could never have forgiven Nicky, even after Nicky became the honorable and brave and compassionate person he loves and it also makes sense that this is why Joe hates what Nicky’s doing “no matter his intent.” And Nicky knows, because of his past, because of what he did in the crusades, that it’s not enough that no more harm is done. People have to make up for what they’ve done, or they deserve to die. 

This might be simplifying things a bit. I think Nicky’s being blinded by something more than the pursuit of justice. I think this is personal to him as a gay man. He brings up the detective’s homophobia and his responsibility (oath to God) that he help people regardless of his own personal biases. He also mentions that he doesn’t feel better after he kills the detective, but that it’s better than how he’d feel if the detective had gone to work that night, implying I think, that he, like Joe, also takes the possibility of future harm into consideration when he decides to kill someone. 

But really, I do think that’s the difference. Preventing future harm, and punishing past harm, and I really like it. 

It makes me think about the movie, and how, before Rucka gave his word of God, there was a lot of debate about who’s idea it was to exile Booker for 100 years, and the fandom was split between whether or not Joe or Nicky proposed it. Most people thought that because Joe appeared angrier than Nicky did upon first learning about the betrayal, that it had to be Joe. 

I was on the side that thought that Joe appearing angrier didn’t indicate that he would have proposed the 100 years, because Joe, in general, was an open book that wears his heart on his sleeve and so, in general, Joe is always reacting the most passionately to anything that happens. I said I thought Nicky was angrier than Joe, and would more likely propose the 100 years, and that the only reason Nicky didn’t react as passionately is because Nicky, in general, is restrained in his emotions, and his anger runs cold rather than hot. 

Nicky doesn’t say a word to Booker from that point on in the movie, and at the end when they say goodbye to Booker, Joe looks over his shoulder at Booker, hesitates to walk away, and looks genuinely torn - whereas, while Andy is talking to Booker, Nicky is wearing a severe expression, almost like disgust or a sneer, and when they turn to leave he goes first without looking back. It made sense to me that Nicky approach the situation by cutting Booker off immediately, by no longer talking to him, and wanting Joe to do the same (he tells Joe to stop yelling at Booker, which many took as a sign that Nicky wasn’t as angry or that he felt sorry for Booker. I don’t think that’s the case at all). 

Even more so now, it makes sense to me that Nicky would insists on a 100 year exile, because he more than Joe would care about Booker making up for the harm he’d done. (But Rucka gave his word of God it was Joe who wanted the 100 years, and so it makes no difference if I think it doesn’t make sense, because everyone’s already hopped on board with Rucka’s word of God, because everyone prefers an angry, resentful, unforgiving, merciless Joe over...you know, actual canon Joe, who is the complete fucking opposite in every way possible...But...yeah, it doesn’t make sense lmao.)

Anyway, sorry this is so long but here’s my two cents. 

#the old guard #tales through time #joe x nicky #yusuf al-kaysani #nicolò di genova #tales through time spoilers #long post

[pluviophile-bookworm]

Understanding and acceptance: a short story consisting of things that actually happened

[A/N: I was on the phone with my mum and she told me that I seem to be in a creative mood and that I should write something. I decided to kill two birds with one stone and share a personal story while also writing it as if it’s fiction. So here goes.]

Word count: 2K

-- 2 weeks ago --

It’s a quiet Saturday evening. My brother Max and I are walking home together, deep in conversation. I have no memory of what the conversation had been about when it started, but I do remember that it somehow got to this:

‘...all this assuming you’re straight, of course, and I’m not assuming anything--’

‘What does being straight mean?’ Max says in a tone that tells me he genuinely doesn’t know. So I feel obligated to explain it in the simplest terms possible. ‘Well, in your case it would mean that you, a boy, like girls.’

‘Well, that’s the normal thing for any person!’ He nearly cuts me off with this. I calculate my next step carefully.

‘Not every person,’ I say, keeping my voice as calm as possible. ‘I’m not straight.’ Of course, he knows that. I came out to my whole family at once three years ago, hoping for the awkward discussions to be over with that. It hasn’t worked out quite as I envisioned it yet.

‘Yeah, but you’re not normal either,’ Max parries. Can’t argue with that. Lucky for me, that is when we reach the front door and each one goes off to mind their own business.

I know very well just how ‘not normal’ I am. Not in that cliche ‘I’m not like other girls’ way, but in a way that causes Bulgarians undereducated on mental health and identity labels (which is unfortunately most people over 30) to brand a person clinically insane, unstable, a threat to the Traditional Bulgarian Family™. Being aroace and having severe social anxiety and ADHD to top it off, I hardly classify as ‘normal’. This is a frequent cause for arguments at the dinner table at home, most of which end in a. tears and/ or a panic attack on my part, b. my father storming off and pretending to be asleep whenever someone goes to call him back to dinner, c. my brother gluing himself to his phone, leaving his plate half-untouched, d. my mother crying over ‘what kind of mother am I that I can’t even have my family together at the table once’, and usually e. all of the above. 

For this scenario to play out, however, the whole family of four is required to be present. So fortunately it only happens every other weekend when Dad and I come back home from the capital, where we have been living for the better part of three years now, ever since he got promoted and I started uni. When I’m away from my loving but over-controlling mum and my brother, who seemed to become obnoxious overnight the moment he turned 13 a little over a year ago, I usually have significantly fewer reasons to cry or feel anxious about... you name it. So we do fine. For the most part.

-- this evening --

I am watching Joe and Frankie’s performance of A Whole New World for the thousandth time today when I get a text from Mum.

Mum: How’s my girl doing?

Mum: I haven’t been able to hear from you with all the fuss about your brother.

Max is at that point in his education where he’s applying for high schools. His exam results have just come in and now everyone in the family is stressing about whether his scores will be enough to get him into the school he wants to go to. It’s a big deal, but with all the Rodfini magic going on (and with how terribly behind I am on my internship assignment) I have just been completely unable to care.

Speaking of Rodfini and A Whole New World, I have been repressing the instinctive urge to send my mum the video all day, and when I get her texts, I almost nearly muster up the courage to do it. But between me and her, this is not something you do over text. So I give her a ring instead. 

When she picks up, the sound of her voice combined with the anxiety over what I want to tell her makes me tear up and the words are stuck in my throat. 

‘Erm-- Mum, can I tell you something?’ I say, still not sure if I’m not about to regret taking up the subject at all.

‘Dear, you know you can tell me anything,’ she says, sounding concerned at my obviously-trying-to-swallow-tears voice.

‘You mean it?’ I ask, listening to her tone to make sure. I wish I could read tones better. ‘Anything?’

‘Is something wrong, honey?’ Oh gods, she’s in a really benevolent mood. I grow more and more afraid of ruining that with my ‘obsession with gays’. 

‘Erm, so I guess you should know Dad and I had the tiniest disagreement just now,’ I say, deciding last minute to start with something she might deem ‘more relevant to the family’s personal lives’. ‘You know, we were watching the Euros and then the match ended and we watched the news, and then Dad changed the channel so he could watch the next match. And I was like ‘whoa, what’s with the video quality’, and so dad was like ‘you really need go get your eyes checked out’; and I tried to explain that there was a very obvious difference in quality between the two channels, and he kept yelling at me that I was ruining my eyesight spending all day staring at a screen.’

‘Did he sound annoyed or just concerned?’ Mum asks me.

‘I know what you’re thinking. And I know full well that he’s my parent and he’s concerned about my health. But you should have heard his tone.’

‘So are you two in a fight now?’

‘No. Well, I don’t know.’ I really don’t. It’s hard to tell when one side of the argument refuses to talk about his feelings as if that will kill him. But I don’t tell Mum that. She’s been dealing with Dad since long before I was even planned, so she knows him better than I do. ‘The thing is, he called me back and said that, well, one of the channels was HD and the other was not, so there was indeed a difference, but he thought it was ‘unnatural’ that I was able to register it so immediately, and he kept insisting there was something wrong with my eyes. I should think that seeing something quickly would be a sign of good vision, not bad. Besides,’ I keep talking, nearly  desperate to justify myself, ‘I did some research and sensitivity to light is a symptom of ADHD. So it’s nothing new, really.’

‘Oh, please, dear. You’re of a new generation, and ADHD is something of the older generation. Don’t be so quick to self-diagnose.’

I guess there’s some reason to what she says, or at least the last part of it, so I give up on pursuing the subject further. ‘Yeah, anyway,’ I say, ‘I just thought it was all a bit rich coming from the man who refuses to wear his prescription glasses. I haven’t got any prescription glasses, you know.’

I don’t want to come off too cheeky because I still want to try and talk to her about how happy Rodfini have made me today. A while ago, Mum would accuse me of only calling her to complain when I was unhappy, so I have since made it a point to call her when I am happy and tell her so. That’s why I’ve been itching to share this with her. And now the time has come.

‘You know, I’ve been crying in a completely different way today,’ I begin tentatively. ‘A good way, A really, really good way,’ I add quickly before she can get worried again.

‘Yeah? So what was it that made you so happy that you cried?’ Goodness, there’s no turning back now. I decide to proceed with caution.

‘Oh, well, it was this performance, you know. A really beautiful song. So I’ve been wanting to show it to you, but I was worried about how you’d react.’

‘And why would that be?’ she asks in the same kind tone that keeps making me anxious about potentially ruining everything.

‘Well, erm...’ I feel myself start to stutter. ‘See, it’s a love song, and it’s... ok, I’ll just say it. It’s sung by two guys. As in, a couple, you see.’ I keep feeling up the ground with my words, anxious to hear her reaction. It’s like when I’m opening an exam result -- I want to know, but I’m too scared to look. And so now, in my anxious despair to know what she thinks about it, I miss the beginning of her response. ‘And I know how you are about those things, so I...’ I genuinely don’t know what to say. I’ve done my thing again. I’ve kept talking so much that she hasn’t even been able to react audibly. So I trail off, determined to let her speak this time.

‘Ok, but... why do you get so affected by those things?’ Mum says, starting to sound suspiciously like she’s about to question my own orientation again. I feel the need to justify myself for the second time since the conversation has started.

‘Well, it’s just that... I really wish you would just see them, Mum. If you could just see how they look at each other, you’d see that there’s just love. So much love. And joy at being able to express themselves as they are.’

I’m speaking from the heart now. I am finally letting out how much I want her to give them a chance because she deserves to see and hear their magical performance. She must be sensing the anguished sincerity in my voice as I finally manage to stop crying and I smile through the tears, because she says, ‘Dear, are you... are you trying to tell me something there?’

I sigh. She’s asked me this question nearly every time I’ve started speaking ‘too’ passionately about anything LGBTQ+ Which isn’t an awful lot in her presence, but there have been several occasions. Once about Solangelo, at the beach. Once about NPH and his husband David and their children, at the dinner table, as I was trying to explain how same-sex couples can have kids; that one resulted in a seriously bad scene of the type I described earlier. Once about a participant in a reality show who identified as a gay man then, but has recently come out as a trans woman; whenever she’s been mentioned on television, I’ve fought to repress my inner urge to express my happiness for her and the representation she is for the Bulgarian LGBTQ+ community. I wonder even now if my parents have noticed my silence on the subject -- because they certainly do notice when I am not silent.

So now, when the time seems to have come for me to set things straight about my non-straight-ness (bad pun very much intended), I try my best to keep my voice from shaking. ‘I’m not trying to tell you anything I haven’t already told you, Mum. Really.’

‘Are you perhaps attracted to the same gender, dear?’ It seems so unbelievable that she’s said it, and even more that she’s worded like that, but she really has. I force myself to be calm and patient.

‘No, Mum. I’ve told you -- I am not attracted to any gender, be it male, female or anything else, really. You know that.’

‘Well, it sounded as if you--’

‘No, Mum. Really. But I do need you to understand that part of my identity is that I feel the need to support people with other identities different from straight. I’m happy for their successes. I'm concerned about their issues. They’re a sort of family to me. Do you understand that?’ I say, relieved to be speaking my truth at last. At the same time, I try to sound as reasonable and mature about the whole thing as possible. I don’t want to put her off, especially not now that I’m knee-deep in the subject already. I’ve gone too far to turn back now.

‘Yes, honey. Yes, I do. I just don’t want you to exert yourself emotionally, is all. Plus I’ve been so stressed out about your brother and all, you know...’

‘Yeah, I do know. And I know he’ll be fine. He’s a nice boy. I just wished he didn’t keep calling me ‘abnormal’ all the time...’

‘Oh, well, don’t listen to him. He’s been quite stressed out too. And he’s 14. It’s just how he is at this age.’

I’m not too sure about that. ‘Boys will be boys’. It’s ok for boys, then, to pour salt into their neurodivergent sisters’ wounds? I don’t think so. But I can’t fix every problem in one talk. Plus my mum sounds tired now.

So I just say, ‘I guess... Well, anyway, thank you so much, Mum. For hearing me out, and for supporting me, and for everything else. Please don’t worry so much.’

But I know she can’t not worry at all. I’ve got that from her.

‘If you’re sure you’re all ok now, dear...’

‘Yeah, mum, I am. Or I will be. You know, there’s this expression with English, ‘to run with something’. So I’ve been telling myself, I’ll at least try to walk with things. You know I’m not much of a runner anyway.’ I actually laugh, even though the pun is quite untranslatable into Bulgarian.

‘You know I’m proud of you, right?’

I know that has very little to do with the kind of pride I’ve been celebrating all month, but I say, ‘Of course I do. And you know what? I’m quite proud of myself, too.’ I can’t believe I’m saying it, but I mean it. I mean it wholeheartedly this time.

‘I’m nearly falling asleep, though, dear, so I say we call it a night?’

‘Good night, Mummy. And thanks.’

I hang up. Then I forward the video to her.

I’ve come so far, indeed. I reckon we both have.

#writing #personal #asexual #aromantic #lgbtq+ #jnk #rodfini #frankie rodriguez #joe serafini #solangelo #hoo #neil patrick harris #family #family dynamics #found family #pride month #adhd #long post

[toonytoodles]

Some of my story ideas, there's a lot here, but if you read let me know which ones you like/dislike, what ones you would or wouldn't read, feel free to leave comments or suggestions, and just give me your opinions 😊 So without further ado, some story ideas I had (some are still being workshopped, if you have ideas for those just let me know ❤)

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Don't shed light on it!/ The scales aren't in my favor;

Avery is shedding and is embarrassed, making an attempt to hide it, especially from her friends... She's the only reptile amongst her friends and is worried that she'll be seen as weird and gross if they see her skin falling off.

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A "little," cold?/ Emma and the giant cold;

Emma catches a small cold, and after falling asleep at school (and partially on the building), she's sent home, so Avery brings her her homework, and ends up volunteering to hang out with her and help her out with stuff until she feels better, which is a lot harder than Avery initially thought, because Emma's house is difficult for her to navigate without Emma... But she really wants to help so tries to get around without her, hiding the difficulty she's having

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Big fear/ A crushed dream;

Emma has a nightmare in which she hurts her small friends accidentally, and can't stop thinking about it the next morning. She begins avoiding them in fear that she'll do something terrible, she stops talking to them at school, and eventually stops showing up to school at all. Avery goes to her house to confront her on it, which only makes things worse...

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Cat fight/ Sibling rivalry;

Andy and Andie are fighting, more than usual, and decide that just because they're siblings doesnt mean they have to be friends, and end up spending some time apart.

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Mixed Results/ Goin' through the potions;

When stocking the shelves in the shop, Avery accidently knocks over several potions, ensuing chaos when the effects of each vial takes place at the same time.

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Slumber party / Girls night;

Ave & friends girls night! Followed by a camp out slumber party

*needs a little something

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Love Bug/ A push in the right direction?;

Emma and Avery's friends work together to put the two through various scenarios in an attempt to make them finally become a couple, believing they need a push to make it happen. When all else fails, Andy foolishly uses a love bug to get the two to confess their love, as messed up as that is, it gets even worse once he loses the bug.

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Big problem/Little problem;

Emma gets frustrated at being so big, and wants to be shrunken down, just for a little while. She asks Avery for a potion, but Avery refuses to give her one, causing a fight between the two, it escalates to the point where Emma steals a potion from Avery, that she doesn't know how to use, causing a little problem...

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No title/ Lost title;

The gang faces off against a herd of memory trolls in the woods, but they don't remember that. They wake up in the middle of the woods with most of their memories gone, they struggle to get along and struggle to find their way back home, it's a strange journey back to Tradeskeep

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How to raise a Draconic / Eggstraordinary origins;

A look into how Avery's egg came to be with her parents, and how they managed to raise her

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Smitten kitten / Head over heels;

Andie and Sofia have a crush on the same guy and have a small fight over him, Sofia usually never speaks up about things like this, and it makes Andie mad that this is when she tries to take a stand, she's not giving up on getting this guy. Sofia gets scared and backs off, so the fight kinda ends up being one sided. Andie ends up being mean to Sofia over it, and doesn't realize how mean she's being until she does something stupid and petty she regrets

-

Avery meets Emma/ Emma meets a bean;

Kid Avery attempts to make friends with a nervous giant, but the young giant, Amelia, has never been around someone smaller than her before and doesn't know what to do

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Oh Deer/ Magical mishap;

Clementine has been studying magic, and attempts to do a few advanced spells, all of which go horribly awry

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The centaur of attention / Marely passing through;

A young centaur adventurer is passing through Tradeskeep, and during her stay she encounters a group of girls around her age, though she's a bit hesitant at first, she ends up quickly befriending them. She stays around for a couple days before she moves on, but she keeps the stop and her new friends in mind, visiting every now and again.

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Dreaming/ Awaken;

Something happens to the small town of Tradeskeep, causing its people to fall asleep, all of them. People in the market, the tavern, their homes, the school- they're all asleep. Adventurers heroes and travellers passing through attempt to investigate the small town, soon becoming drowsy, they must investigate from the outside. While others search for a cause and a cure, the people of Tradeskeep dream of altered realities and terrible nightmares.

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The big date/ The insecure dragon;

Avery and Emma have a date at a giant restaurant, and shortly after they arrive, something happens that causes Avery to ask Emma to take her home. Emma attempts to talk to her, but it only makes things worse... A few days later they're able to talk it out, and try it again, with it going much better the second time.

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Evil Avery/ Dragonic Dopple ganger;

Avery means to take a Duplicate potion to allow her to be in more than one place at the same time, but gets mixed up and instead uses a Doppio potion. This causes her to be split into two versions of herself, a neutral good version, and a chaotic evil version. One Avery keeps running off to help people, while the other keeps running off to hurt people.  Unable to tell them apart, people are confused as Avery comes over and causes a problem, then runs back in and fixes it. The two need to be together to be able to reverse the potions affects, but getting the two together and keeping them around long enough to undo it is much easier said than done.

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Snow way to the dragonlands/ Snow way home;

During the holiday season, Avery is eager to go to the dragonlands and participate in the Fire Festival, but due to heavy snowfall surrounding Tradeskeep, travel is nearly impossible. This makes Avery incredibly upset. That night as she packs a bag, steals several potions from the shop, and leaves to go to the dragonlands. Her parents go to check on her, and when seeing that she was gone began to panic and call around, trying to figure out where she could've possibly gone. Upon receiving the phone calls, people began to go out and look for her. It begins to snow again, meanwhile Avery isn't doing as well as she thought she would, she's cold, tired and hungry, and soon she's lost. Everywhere she looks is just blankets of snow, and new snow fall quickly covers her tracks. There's no way home now, and it's getting colder.

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Avery, Andy, & Drew;

Avery Andy & Andie have basically known each other since birth, this story basically explains how they grew up together, and how they've changed over the course of time. Andy goes from awkwardly trying to be extroverted and cool to being comfortable with being a quiet nerdy introvert, Drew becomes her true self, Andie, and Avery, well, Avery never really changes. The three of them have been through a lot together, and this slice of life side story just tells some of those tails~

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Water you?/ Wets be friends!;

Young Andie, Andy, Avery & Emma meet a young Pond, they're immediately intrigued by her, and well, as little kids, it's sorta easy to become best friends quickly

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A new friend/ Hi deery;

Clementine's new to Tradeskeep, but makes friends with a group of other kids

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Pink with Envy/ Not berry subtle;

Audrey starts flirting with Emma, and, uh, Emma doesn't seem to be arguing it... Avery tries to brush it off, Audrey sorta just has a flirtatious personality and Emma's really nice... But literally everyone who sees them talking thinks they're hitting on each other, making Avery's anxiety worse about it. She's really worried about Emma seeing how much better Audrey is, and she starts to become genuinely concerned that Emma is losing interest in her... She tries to keep her jealousy and insecurity in check, but Emma can tell somethings up. When they talk about it, something happens that shows Emma how Avery really feels, and Emma tells her that she feels the same way, so though Avery is still mildly annoyed by Audrey, she's not really worried about Emma breaking up with her or leaving her for some one else anymore. After what happened, she realizes how silly she's been.

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Blank space/ Making my mark;

Ty wants to get his mark, and Avery tries to help him, but to no avail. They spend the whole day trying different things to try to get his mark to appear, trying out different hobbies and activities, there was bound to be something that he likes, and Avery intends to help him find that passion, but she gets a bit over involved and starts trying to push him, to help of course.

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The egg/ Whatever it takes;

Avery finds an abandoned egg, and, sorta projecting onto it, is determined to reunite it with its parents no matter what it takes, cause no one should ever be abandoned like that. Her friends are understanding to her need to take care of it, they're quickly able to put together why she has to do this, and help her out with finding the parents, which proves to be sorta difficult... But eventually they find the parents, and everything's alright again.

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Kalvins wish/ You remind me of the babe;

Kalvin is upset by how fast Avery's growing up... If only she could be a little kid, just for a little longer... But he never expected it to actually happen. Avery begins to age backwards, slowly losing her memory as she regresses. It's a race against time as her parents rush to figure out how this happened and how to fix it. They try to keep it quiet at first, but end up having to call in reinforcements to get this fixed as quickly as possible.

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A head in life/ Do you need a dullahand?;

Frustrated, Sofia shares some of her struggles as a dullahan, which Avery mistakes as an ask for help. She attempts to find ways to help Sofia out, but Sofia just sees it as Avery treating her really weird. Sofia gets mad at Avery, and the draconic thinks that she's not helping enough, so this goes on for a while until Sofia gets really mad, and Avery realizes that she was just venting, and didn't actually need anything. In the end they just sorta laugh about the misunderstanding and become closer because of it. At least now Sofia knows she can a ask Avery for help when and if she needs it.

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Swap meet/ The perfect present;

Clementine finds a magical artifact at a swap meet, but they won't take her money, they want a different item, so Clementine runs around swapping items to try to get the item she wants. Meanwhile, Andy and Andie go around the swap trying to find the perfect birthday present for the other.

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Andy's birthday / Andie's birthday;

The kittwins are celebrating their 17th birthday! They celebrate with a get together outside the tavern, with their parents and their closest friends. They spend the afternoon getting presents from their loved ones and eating cake and ice cream.

*needs a problem/conflict of some kind

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Sapphire & Kalvin / The pirate and the mercenaries;

Mercenaries Micheal and Kalvin are in search of treasure they were hired to find. However, they weren't alone, as pirates came to find the same thing. The treasure was in a booby trapped dungeon with a multitude of traps and dangerous wildlife, but the mercenaries were ready for anything, unfortunately, one of the pirates weren't. A member of the crew, a fairy, got captured in a carnivorous plant with no chance of an escape. While Michael went after the treasure, Kalvin saved the fairy. This fairy was named Sapphire, and after Kalvin saved her life, she decided to join them and became their partner in hired crime. Later on though, Sapphire and Kalvin became actual partners, and they'd go on to retire and open a potion shop in the small town of Tradeskeep. Michael would meet them again later on after he retired.

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Dulladad/ A whole new life a-head of me;

A retired mercenary, Michael, meets a young dullahan girl on his way to his new home, and instantly falls in love, wanting nothing more than for her to be loved and protected. After learning she's an orphan, he feels that Fate has planned this and he takes her in. The two journey to Tradeskeep together, and the man adjusts to his new life in a small town as a black smith and a father, and neither was as easy as he thought it'd be. And although Sofia is happy and excited, she's also sorta scared. She's overwhelmed by the amount of changes happening so quickly, and struggles to adjust. Things are made easier though when Michael meets up with some old friends, and Sofia makes some new ones.

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Ponds problem/ Element-emotion-al;

Ponds parents are having another kid... Yay?... Pond has... Mixed emotions on it... She's not mad at her parents, or against another kid, she just... She'd never considered her parents having more kids, she's been the only child her whole life... Everything's gonna change... Luckily Emma's a big sister, and she gives her some advice.

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Rainy day/ Video chat;

Since its pouring in Tradeskeep, schools been cancelled and shops have been closed, so the girls decide to video chat all day to prevent boredom. We get to see more slice of life stuff as they're stuck at home for the day, seeing some of Emma's younger siblings filter in and out and wanting to talk, over hearing parents, chatting while doing chores or studying, stuff like that.

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Ponds pal/ Invisibuddy;

Pond becomes quick friends with an invisible named Travis after being paired up with him for a school project. The two begin spending a lot of time together and become close, basically becoming best friends within a month.

*needs a problem/conflict of some kind

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Wave hello/ Baby Brook;

Ponds new sibling is here! A water elemental named Brook. Ponds still a little nervous to become a big sister, but instantly falls in love with her.

*needs more, idk what tho

-

#toonytoodlesoc #original character #oc #avery trowbridge #amelia mcconnel #sofia hodges #clementine moores #andie and andy #andy and andie #pond the elemental #toons story ideas #long post #writing ideas

[ariesjupiter]

Event Astrology: Creation of Tumblr 💫

Since it’s Pisces season and Tumblr’s Birthday is tomorrow, Feb 19th, I wanted to talk about the astrology of this website! First of all, there’s a huge Pisces and 10th house stellium. Pisces deals with spirituality, dreams, imagination, creativity, and empathy. The tenth house deals with public persona, how you’re seen online, power, contribution to society, and overall reputation, especially when it comes to your career. This combination means that tumblr is known for being creative and a place where romanticization of life happens, at least many blogs and posts have that dreamy feel. Even though there aren’t any planets in the 12th house, I’d argue Pisces is also associated with solitude & being alone. Going on tumblr feels so different from typical social media. It feels detached & disconnected from other popular apps. To me it feels comforting and a place where you can express your interests without feeling the need to show off your personal life. That’s how I see Pisces. Ok, now let’s dive in.

Pisces Sun in the 10th House: This placement explains why Tumblr is known as a space where people share their art. A real person with this placement would be known for being a talented artist. There is a need to distinguish from others in the public eye here. 10th house sun suggests a hard worker. A lot of people on tumblr put in a lot of time and work into crafting their blogs and managing their account. The mixture of Pisces and the 10th house here indicates a large amount of wisdom. You can find lots of serious, emotional posts on here with lessons, inspiration, and pieces of advice. Compared to other social media sites, Tumblr is a quiet and behind the scenes yet still very established and well known.

Pisces Moon in the 10th House: People with this moon placement usually have a need to escape. Tumblr feels like a safe way to escape from reality for a while. As previously mentioned, Tumblr (the people on it) is known for romanticizing daily life and the little mundane things. Aesthetics and pretty things matter. It’s still somewhat seen today but years ago there was a huge, collective emo phase with a strong connection to musical artists who wrote emotional songs. I think this placement contributes to the site being misunderstood. There’s more than what meets the eye/what you’ve heard about it. There is an emotional need for recognition and achievement here. That makes sense for any social media.

Pisces Mercury in 10th House: Here there is a silly and some may say odd overall type of humor on Tumblr. Mercury being in the 10th means they may be criticized publicly for the way they think and how they express their thoughts. This placement is concerned with bettering themselves. They want to be remembered for being a good communicator and a knowledgeable person who achieved many things.

Pisces Venus in 10th House: Again, all the Pisces themes of the arts, spiritual realm, and romance are heightened here in the planet of love and the public 10th house. Open minded and find it easy to love people, places, and things. Pisces venus could typically have a tendency to idolize people to a great extent but being in the 10th house there is an added layer of realism and detachment. Even though it’s in the 10th house, Pisces venus aren’t attracted to money and material wealth. There is a widely accepted notion going around on Tumblr recently that celebrity culture can be toxic and there is a dislike of rich people. Pisces venus people especially value genuinely kind people who are giving and have strong morals.

Capricorn Mars in the 8th House: There is something mysterious about this placement. They value privacy. This makes sense with the ability to hide or display your likes and who you’re following. Also connects to how tumblr doesn’t show other people your follower count. Psychology and spirituality are two interests this placement would gravitate towards. I didn’t want to have to go there but this placement just makes a lot of sense for when there used to be........you know, .... available on Tumblr. I’ll leave it at that.

Sagittarius Jupiter in the 6th House: I read on Astrohealer.com that the 6th house is associated with your early twenties and therefore ideological formation. Due to all the discourse on here, whether you’d like to admit it or not, you might have found something you believe in here. Sagittarius is naturally philosophical and loves to travel and learn. This placement makes sense for the amount of langblrs, studyblrs, and astroblrs that are on tumblr. This placement attracts good luck/good fortune when they’re helping and educating others. I think this is something Tumblr is known for. Also Jupiter being in the same sign as Pluto, there could be a tendency to push your beliefs on to someone and cause controversy. People with Jupiter in the 6th house though are able to be critical and decide for themselves what they find right and wrong and they will voice that. This is also a great placement for writers. This site is also known for having some really long posts (uh...kind of like this one now.)

Leo Saturn in the 3rd House: This placement shows someone that denies their desire to be in the spotlight or show off. You dislike authority & believe everyone should be in charge of themselves. There’s a mixture of being proud yet insecure here. People with this placement could have back issues. I know it’s a common thing, but so many people on here write posts about their back hurting even at a young age, so I think that’s interesting. 3rd house means you could be outspoken and you take your time to pay attention to your surroundings.

Pisces Uranus in the 10th House: Natural dreamers who find unique ways to solve problems. Uranus being in the 10th house means they’re known for being quirky and inventive. There is a deep desire to help humanity here. I’ve seen that over the years on tumblr.

Aquarius Neptune in the 9th House: A person/place where big goals and dreams are put into action. They may not always be the most realistic though. A creative teacher and a placement that’s open to new or seemingly unusual ideas.

Sagittarius Pluto in the 7th House: Philosophy is a natural topic of interest here. A passion for talking about how beliefs change as well. A placement that truly wants to change the world for the better. This is a true mediator placement. Since the 7th house is an air house, it’s naturally logical and engaging in debates and discourse is transformational. it’s the house of relationships. maybe you made meaningful friendships on tumblr that changed your life/your outlook on life.

Gemini Rising: Obviously I don’t know the exact time of creation, but this makes sense. Gemini rising is known for having lots of interests and having a love of engaging in discussions with people. Tumblr is known for it’s different ‘sides’ (various blog communities/interests) and having various phases through time. Gemini rising is always evolving. Also there’s multiple functions on tumblr whereas the main goal of say, Snapchat, is to send pictures to your friends or story which eventually goes away.

Aquarius 10th House/Midheaven: I knew there had to be a major Aqua placement. Unique creators who come up with new and exciting ideas and content. True trend setters. Tumblr has always been years ahead of its time compared to other social media site users in terms of musicians who get popular, fashion and clothing trends, specific discourse topics, and even the creation of certain popular aesthetics. Aquarius is associated with friendships and the collective. As opposed to Instagram, Snapchat, and Facebook where most of your friends/followers are people you know, Tumblr is all about following people you’ve (chances are) never met irl. Aquarius is associated with computers, humanity, and nonconformity.

Let me know if there’s any recommendations you’d like to see for an event analysis. Feel free to share your thoughts on whether you agree or disagree with things I said in this interpretation. I find it really interesting to look at charts of when bands were founded, when something was discovered etc. Hopefully this wasn’t too repetitive. Maybe I’ll try to add some aspect interpretations next time

[puddygeeks]

Wᴇ Cᴏᴍᴇ Rᴜɴɴɪɴɢ - Tʜᴇ 100 Bᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ x OC - Cʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 71: Wᴇɪɢʜᴛ Oғ Tʜᴇ Wᴏʀʟᴅ

Masterlist

Rating: Mature

Summary: During her time in the Skybox, Indigo formed a precious friendship with fellow outcast Octavia Blake, the girl under the floor. At first they thought their departure from the oppression of the Ark was a blessing, but quickly came to rely on Indigo's keen survival instincts. The 100 struggle to meet the challenges of Earth whilst Bellamy strives to lead the wavering teenagers and his irresponsible attitude fuels constant conflict with Indigo. Their only shared interest is in protecting Octavia and Indigo beings to suspect that there is a deeper cause to Bellamy's seemingly irrational choices. As the consequences of his actions mount up around him, he finally begins to confide in her and she discovers more than she ever bargained for.

Fandom: CW’s The 100

Pairing: OC x Bellamy Blake

LONG TERM ONGOING PROJECT :)

My writing is entirely fuelled by coffee! If you enjoy my work, feel free to donate toward my caffeine dependency: will work for coffee

Warnings: Mature content. Non-consent, language, sex, self harm, suicide, anxiety, helplessness, torture, captivity/confinement, alcohol/drug use.

Episode: Watch The Thrones

Chapter Seventy-One

Stepping outside of the oppressive atmosphere of the Ark, I found that Lincoln hadn’t gone far to escape after his attack. 

He stood leaning against the structure, staring into the distance in what I could only assume was an attempt at calming himself and as I stepped closer, I noticed that he wore an intense expression. There was a stream of blood down the side of his face from the deep gash in his head, which clearly needed stitches and I leaned carefully into his eyeline.

“Linkon.” 

I addressed him gently, speaking in Trig to ensure that our conversation would remain private as I pulled his attention from his thoughts and as he met my eyes, I could see his vulnerability which flared my protective nature.

“Let me take a look at that.” I offered as I gestured toward his wound and he took a moment to consider me, before bending down to my height so that I could reach.

Using the rag that I’d taken from inside, I gently wiped away the blood from his face and examined the laceration with a grimace. My temper bubbled in my stomach as I treated him, wishing that I had the strength to beat some sense into his attacker, but I had to force myself to remain calm. He already seemed to be battling his own emotions and it would be selfish to allow mine to influence him now.

“This is a deep wound, Linkon.” I advised as I gathered the rag and pressed it over the wound to protect it, ensuring that it was completely covered. “Hold this here for now. You need to keep the pressure up until we get to Medical.”

“No.” He answered abruptly as he took responsibility for holding the rag, but straightened his posture so that he was out of my reach and it was clear that he was not ready to face Abby or the others yet.

“They’re wrong about you.” I stated firmly, unwilling to allow him to sink into despair and he studied me with an unreadable expression. “You do belong here, but not because you are no longer Trikru. You are still one of them, too. In fact, I would say that you are their most valuable member, because you were willing to leave behind everything that you know to help them.” I divulged, pausing to shuffle slightly as he met my eyes and I smiled as I continued.

“We both know that our medical knowledge could help your people enormously. We also know that because of our weaponry, going to war would cause countless deaths for your people. That’s why you are doing everything that you can to secure peace and a better life for them. Your people may not recognise what you’re doing for them, but I do.” I rambled, holding his eye contact unflinchingly and he sighed as he absorbed my words.

“Your people still view me as just another grounder.” He stated with frustration, allowing himself to lower his internal walls to me and I nodded in understanding. “They do not care for all that I have sacrificed. To them, I am no different to Azgeda. Will it ever be enough?”

“You’re entitled to be hurt by what just happened in there. I would be too, especially after everything that you have done for us. It’s vital that you remember that the people responsible for this unacceptable incident are ignorant, small minded idiots whose opinions do not represent this camp. The people who supported you before we found Farm Station still support you. You haven’t lost anything, Linkon. We still consider you one of us and we always will. Oso thro daun ageda.” [We fight together.] I asserted, passion filling my voice as I spoke and I watched as the hurt in his face gradually melted away, until he smiled appreciatively at me.

“Oso thro daun ageda.” He repeated calmly, his eyes sparking with emotion and I smiled at him in return. “You have become a wise warrior, Indigo kom Trishanakru. You would make an exceptional second to Arlo.” He praised, causing my heart to swell at the kindness of this compliment and I touched his arm in a fond gesture. 

“Thank you, but I’m plenty busy enough with keeping an eye on all of you.” I remarked with a cheeky wink, before fidgeting to regain my balance as my head spun again. 

“I have to get back to Medical. Come on. You can help me and get your head treated whilst you’re there.” I instructed in the hope that he wouldn’t fight me this time and he simply nodded slowly, before falling into step with me.

❖ ── ✦ ──『✙』── ✦ ── ❖

The ward was surprisingly busy when we entered, as they seemed to be overwhelmed with sick grounders and though I was taken aback by this sudden development, I focused on handing Lincoln over to Abby for treatment. She seemed relieved when she noticed us and led him to a bed to examine the wound.

Kane rushed into the ward with Pike following close behind him, both making a beeline for Abby and I decided to return to my own bed, suspecting that Lincoln would likely already be overwhelmed enough with them arguing around him, without my contributions. 

I’d only just placed myself sideways on the mattress, my hands on my knees as I stared at the floor and waited for my dizziness to pass, when I felt someone approaching me.

“I heard that you were hurt.” 

A strikingly calm voice announced and I glanced up to find Nyko examining me with the same controlled face that Lincoln often wore. It had been a while since I’d last seen him, but I could tell that he had a similarly noble nature to Lincoln and I appreciated that he continued to support his friend in securing peace. 

“Good to see you again, Nyko.” I smiled politely, shifting my position so that I could view him better. “I’m alright. Just need a bit of recovery time. How are you doing after your treatment?” I enquired, remembering how severe his wounds had been when he last came to us and hoping that he’d managed to recover well enough without our assistance.

“I am much better. I wish that I could say the same for my people.” He answered regretfully and I glanced around the ward to notice that many of the grounders here were either coughing, or vomiting. “There was a sickness in a village nearby. Many recovered quickly, but some have not been able to fight it. Abby offered to help them.” He explained, seeming exhausted as he glanced back at them and I regarded him with sympathy.

“Well, we have to take care of each other, right?” I offered with a warm smile and he seemed pleased to discover that I was supportive of this decision. “I’m sorry. Any other time I would offer to help, but getting Linkon here has kinda wiped me out.” I confessed, feeling utterly useless for my current weakness and Nyko nodded in understanding.

“Abby said that you were badly hurt in the attack. I am sorry for what happened at Mount Weather.” He remarked with an expression of genuine remorse and I flashed him a grateful smile. “Rest well, my friend.” He muttered as he bowed his head to me, before returning to caring for his people. 

With a deep sigh, I laid back on the bed to catch my breath and stared up at the ceiling, struggling to focus. Everything felt more draining than I was prepared for and I already grew tired of my new limitations. 

Hurried footsteps warned me of Jackson’s arrival as he frantically ran around me to take another set of obs and it seemed that he was too flustered to even hold a conversation as he worked. His pen scratched rapidly over the charts as he filled in the results and once it seemed that he was satisfied with his findings, he rushed away to care for the rest of his patients. 

Abby was still attempting to treat Lincoln whilst also balancing an argument with Pike and Kane. As I watched her struggling to multitask, I understood why she felt that she needed to pass on the role of Chancellor to someone who could give it their full attention.

“Lincoln. We need to set an example.” Kane pleaded, allowing a slight hint of his anger over this incident to peek out from his careful demeanour and I smiled. 

Kane’s consideration for Lincoln gained my respect, as I had never expected for him to be as accepting when we first met and was pleasantly surprised at the leader that he was blossoming into. Meanwhile, Pike sighed at his side, as he fidgeted around in a stressed manner.

“Yeah. We do.” Lincoln muttered, clearly far more relaxed than he was when I first found him outside and I wondered whether it might have been wiser to encourage him to respect his anger, as now he seemed to be taking a more lenient approach to his attacker than I approved of.

“The man just lost his son, Marcus.” Pike argued, seeming shocked that anyone could even consider punishing the instigator and I huffed in annoyance. 

Pike had been blatantly coddling the Farm Station residents since they arrived, unable to accept even the mere suggestion that they could do any wrong and my patience with his golden child syndrome was growing thin. 

“Lincoln didn’t do that.” Abby pointed out, staring at Pike over her shoulder whilst she worked and I was relieved that she remained stern in the face of his favouritism.

The doors to the ward swung open with a clatter as Octavia entered, her face filled with a mixture of terror and rage. Though I willed my legs to stand to join her, I couldn’t lift myself from the bed and simply had to watch as she strode toward Lincoln in a fluster.

“What happened?” She demanded, sneaking a glare at Pike as she passed that silently enquired as to why he was even present and I couldn’t help a sly smile at her attitude.

Octavia began fretting over Lincoln as they shared a hushed conversation and Pike moved to leave medical first. He had barely reached my bed when Nyko momentarily blocked his path, fixing him with a stern glare that conveyed his distrust and he maintained it even once he eventually allowed him to pass. Pike seemed shaken by this encounter as he hurried out and I caught Nyko’s eyes with a meaningful look.

“He is bad news. Watch him around your people.” I warned, already fearful for the safety of those in the ward and Nyko nodded in agreement, seeming grateful for my support.

My attention was caught by Abby loudly asking Lincoln to assist with translation for the grounder patients and Octavia wandered over to my bed with frustration poorly hidden in her face.

“How are you feeling, little miss kamikaze?” She interrogated, raising a bro at me critically and I shook my head at her as I prepared myself for another scolding. “Honestly, if you didn’t already look so sorry for yourself, I’d hit you. You really worried us this time. I thought Bellamy was going to have a heart attack. I’ve never seen him that frantic. He was losing his mind!”

“I know. I’m an idiot. Believe me, I’ve already got that message loud and clear from a host of people.” I answered with an apologetic smile and she seemed pleased to hear that I was being grilled for my behaviour. “Give me a little recovery time and I’ll be fine.” I added gently to answer her question and she seemed relieved, though the tension in her brows didn’t completely disappear. 

“You look stressed, Sugar. Talk to me.” I offered, unsettled by seeing her upset.

Octavia chewed on her lip for a moment, seeming as if she was too proud nowadays to allow herself a moment of weakness as she had always done in my company in the past. I patted the bed as I shuffled over to make space, making it clear that I was absolutely willing to still dote on her when needed and she sighed, before she carefully sat beside me.

“Lincoln’s not going to press charges on that Farm Station asshole.” She grumbled with anger filling her pretty features and I sighed in disappointment. 

If I was honest, I had expected this outcome, but I had hoped that Octavia might be able to convince him to reconsider. I had no doubt that she had already tried, but as she clearly had been unsuccessful, I decided that I would need to provide her with calming answers, rather than riling her up further.

“There has to be a consequence for assaulting him like that. I mean, he’s got stitches in his head, Indie!” She exclaimed and I struggled to keep my mouth closed as I nodded. “Pike’s people already think that they’re untouchable as it is. This won’t help anything.” She added bitterly and I took one of her hands in mine in an attempt to calm her from her outrage.

“That’s Lincoln’s way. You know that better than anyone, Tavi. He wants to set a good example of grounders. That they can be compassionate and compromise.” I advised, caressing her hand comfortingly and she huffed as she absorbed my words. “Plus, it sounded like Pike was pushing pretty hard for no charges. He’s certainly not making things any easier by insisting that our rules don’t apply to them.”

“Tell me about it. You know, the guards were trying to throw Nyko and the others out when they arrived. They didn’t even give him a chance to explain that their treatment had already been agreed with Abby.” She recounted with aggravation and I furrowed my brows at this revelation. “I had to help carry them in by myself. No one else would help them.” She revealed, her voice gradually softening from anger to fear and I glanced around at the sickly people surrounding us with shock.

“A lot of the people here have been anti-grounder for a while. The Farm Station residents moving in and then the Mount Weather attack has only boosted their confidence. We’re going to have to be careful in how we deal with this. People are angry and scared, and we both know how easily that can go to shit if it becomes a mob mentality.” I analysed, feeling uneasy about the divide that I could sense in the camp and Octavia glanced at me with a similar discomfort in her eyes.

“I asked Linkon if we could leave to join Trikru. The Commander lifted the kill order on him, so we’re free to go. Indra seemed interested in having me back at the Summit. I thought that maybe I could convince her to take him too.” She whimpered, switching to Trig to be extra cautious that none of our own people could overhear her plans and though I was upset by this suggestion, I understood her desire to escape. “He said no. He wants to stay, but I don’t feel safe here.”

“Linkon feels like he has a responsibility to represent his people here. He’s too noble to walk away from that. He still has hope that an alliance could work.” I reminded her, despite feeling doubtful about the reliability of this concept myself and she scoffed under her breath, though her expression revealed that she knew I was right. 

“You’re always safe with me. No matter what state I’m in. I’m never gonna let anything happen to you and neither will your man. You know that, right?” I confirmed, squeezing her hand tightly and she snuck a rare smile at me.

“I know. The same goes for you. We’ve got each other's backs.” She confirmed and I was pleased to have at least taken the edge off her anxiety. “Love you.” She whispered, sniffing emotionally before she leaned her head onto my shoulder in a way that she hadn’t done in a long time.

“Love you too, Tavi.” I breathed, placing a light kiss on the top of her head and leaning into her too.  

We stayed like this for a few minutes and I treasured the feeling of closeness between us. Since we landed on Earth things had never been the same, but I was grateful that I could always fall back on Octavia. Her love and commitment had kept me strong in the worst times of my life and I knew that no matter what happened in the future, or how far apart we ended up, I would always be able to depend on it. 

“Sorry to interrupt this super adorable moment, but I’ve gotta move you.” Jackson announced with an apologetic smile as he crept into the area around my bed and I glanced up at him in confusion.

“The grounders that we are treating are suffering with an illness that is causing breathing difficulties. It’s not especially serious, but if you were to catch it, it would majorly affect your recovery. We’re gonna move you to a private room for tonight and then we’ll see if you’re looking well enough to rest up in your own quarters after that.” He explained as he busied himself with gathering my stuff so that I wouldn’t attempt to carry it myself and I looked over at Octavia reluctantly.

“It’s okay. You need to focus on taking care of yourself. We’ll chat later.” She soothed, giving my arm a supportive squeeze, before she left me to Jackson’s care.

Using his arm for balance, I allowed him to lead me to a small room beside the main ward that was available for any intensive care cases. He assisted in setting up the room and checked that I was settled comfortably in bed. Once he’d wheeled in all of the necessary equipment, he connected me to an IV for another dose of pain relief and ensured that I ate a full meal, before he returned to assist Abby in the main ward.

For a while, I managed to concentrate on reading The Iliad again, before I became restless and my mind began to obsess over Bellamy, worrying over what could take this amount of time. I recalled Raven’s earlier words with a flinch, fearful that they were hurtful enough to cause him to do all manner of stupid things and I was already considering whether I had the energy to sneak out to find him, when he finally appeared.

“Hey! Are you alright?” He enquired immediately, seeming flustered and lost as he made his way into the room and I nodded with confusion, unsure what had caused such a distressing attitude. “I panicked when I couldn’t find you. What’s going on?” He breathed, sounding out of breath and I smiled at his protectiveness. 

“Oh, sorry. Jackson and Abby don’t want me to pick up anything from the grounders that they’re treating whilst I’m still in recovery.” I explained, casually placing the book on a nearby surface and he glanced back toward the ward in annoyance.

“If they’re so sick, maybe they shouldn’t be here!” He stated frustratedly, his entire demeanour radiating aggravation and I knitted my brows together at the absurdity of this statement. “We shouldn’t be taking grounders into Arkadia if it’s going to endanger our own people.” He argued as he glared toward the ward again and I could hardly believe what I was hearing.

“Well, that’s why I’m in here now. The illness isn’t especially dangerous, according to Jackson. They just didn’t want to slow my recovery.” I clarified gently, but he remained distracted by this change and I could tell that something else was bothering him. 

“Come on. Sit down.” I requested, tapping a chair that was beside the bed and he paused to ensure that the door to the room was fully closed protectively.

Once satisfied that no germs were going to reach me, he reluctantly shuffled over to my side and dropped into the chair. Even his posture seemed irritable and I knew that he wasn’t coping, despite his best efforts to keep this information to himself. It was agonising for me to witness him suffering and wished that I could simply take his pain away. 

“Bellamy, talk to me. Please.” I offered, reaching over to take one of his hands in mine and he simply fidgeted in his seat as he viewed me. He didn’t grip my hands in return, seeming completely removed from me and I felt anxiety building in my chest at his strange behaviour.

“Baby. What Raven said earlier was awful-”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” He cut in abruptly, clearing his throat to ensure that his voice didn’t divulge any emotion and I chewed on my lip.

“Well, clearly not talking about it is doing wonders for you.” I blurted, thinning my eyes at him and he avoidantly turned his face away.

Everything about his posture was closed off, as if he was making every effort to keep me from breaching his defences and I couldn’t imagine why he felt that he needed to manage this alone. Ever since I first woke up in Arkadia, I knew that there were things that he wouldn’t tell me and in the months that followed the feeling only grew, seeming like a disease that slowly poisoned him. Now I knew that he was lying and the pain that he battled to disguise was written all over his face, in capital letters. 

 “She needs someone to blame for what happened and it’s not fair that she picked you.” I stated, keeping my voice gentle as I addressed him and he sniffed loudly. “This isn’t your fault.”

“Isn’t it?” He asked sharply, startling me with the sharpness of his tone and I noticed when he finally brought his gaze back to me that there were tears glistening in his eyes. “I chose to trust Echo. I vouched for her, even when you told me to be careful. They were all my decisions. Going to Polis to warn them was my plan.” He pointed out, his voice shaking as he spoke and hurt came off him in waves.

“I almost got you killed, Indie!” He hissed, the pain in his face causing my heart to break and I could hardly cope with how broken he looked. “Jackson said that when he found you, you were drowning in your own blood. You barely made it through surgery. I had to sit here and watch you fight for your life, knowing that it was my fault if you died.” 

“You didn’t do this to me, Bellamy. This one is on me. I hid the broken ribs and I stayed in the mountain for too long. I did this to myself.” I insisted, unwilling to allow him to blame himself for my injuries and I could recognise that this aspect had caused the most damage to him emotionally. 

“Please. Tell me how this blood isn’t on my hands, because I can’t see it.” He whispered, hardly able to get the words out as he stared at me in desperation and I longed to wrap him in my arms, holding him until he came back to his senses.

“Earlier today, you reminded me that we are still just kids, doing the best that we can. You could never have known what was going to happen. The only people with blood on their hands are the ones who plotted to kill us. You don’t get to punish yourself for being human.” I asserted with as much strength as I could and he finally allowed a tear to roll down his cheek. “You did what you believed was right. You can’t be blamed for what happened after.” I confirmed, reaching out to brush the tear away, but he leaned away from me.

“I’m pretty sure that Raven would disagree.” He divulged in a hoarse voice, roughly wiping his tears aside as if he were frustrated at himself for showing weakness and for a moment, I felt lost for words.

The distance between us felt like miles and I couldn’t think on how to reach past the blame that he was determined to carry. For the first time since we’d been together, he felt like a stranger to me and it strung to realise that I hadn’t known him for long enough to know how to handle this. The only remaining truth that I could offer was my own insight and I took a deep breath as I returned my mind to the weeks that I spent captive in Mount Weather.

“When I thought that I lost you, I was like a totally different person. That kind of grief, combined with all of the what ifs and missed chances, it brings out the worst in you. She’s dealing with so many constantly changing emotions and she just needs someone to direct them at.” I expressed, using my experiences to try to remove some of the impact of Raven’s attack and he listened obediently whilst still keeping his gaze trained away from me.

“You’re an easy target for her and she needs that right now. For me, it was Miller.” I admitted, causing him to finally glance up at me in confusion. “In my mind, I lost you because he took me when you were fighting Tristan. I couldn’t bring myself to acknowledge that he was just protecting me as you’d asked. I believed that I could’ve saved you and he stopped me from doing that. I was so angry with him.” I divulged, feeling the familiar pain of shame in my chest as I recalled the way that I had spoken to Miller back then and Bellamy seemed equally shocked by my confession.

“But you got me back. Raven won’t get a redo like we did.” He sighed, seeming even more remorseful as he considered this and I felt at a loss for anything else I could say to help him. 

“I did. And I will always be grateful for that.” I confirmed, squeezing his hand with appreciation, but he barely even reacted to me. “I forgave Miller long before I knew that you had survived. It took a lot of soul searching and I think it probably made a big difference that we had to work together to survive, but I accepted that it wasn’t fair to blame him. I’d even consider us friends now. Raven will forgive you in time. For now though, you need to forgive yourself.” I urged, staring into his face with concern, but he remained distant as if I hadn’t even spoken at all.

“We will need to work together to survive again soon if Kane doesn’t act.” He muttered, running a hand through his hair in a gesture of stress and I tilted my head at him in question. 

“We’ve got an army of grounders surrounding us at this very moment. If the Commander decides to change her loyalties again like she did at Mount Weather, we won't stand a chance.” He presented as if this threat were obvious and I leaned away from him slightly in shock.

This was the last thing that I had expected him to say and it took several minutes for me to form a response as I struggled to understand who he was referring to.

“Indra’s army.” I pointed out firmly, but he stared back at me with an unchanged expression. “They’re here to help us fight Azgeda. This isn’t like before. We’re the thirteenth clan now.” I argued, confused that we were even discussing this and he scoffed at me in an antagonising manner. “We can trust Trikru. Indra has proven herself too many times for you to disrespect her like this.”

“Indra is a grounder! Trusting a grounder just got thirty six of our people killed.” He hissed, seeming as if he were losing his patience with me and I felt my eyes widen at his attitude. “You are too attached to them to see this for the danger that it is. It’s time that you remembered who your people are and started thinking of their safety.” He lectured, already warming into a familiarly protective attitude and I felt my temper rising at the sight of it.

“I am thinking of my people, despite the fact that you are currently behaving like children.” I spat, my sympathy rapidly being pushed aside for anger as he seemed to have suddenly forgotten the months of work that had gone into campaigning for peace, in favour of viewing every grounder in the same light.

Bellamy clenched his jaw at my words, avoiding meeting my eyes as he fidgeted in place and I crossed my arms defensively. A few moments of silence passed as we both attempted to calm ourselves and I couldn’t allow things to fester any longer between us, as I decided that it was time to address his behaviour. 

“If you’re so concerned about our safety, why did you quit the guard?” I asked in a cold tone, allowing my expression to reveal my annoyance for his dishonesty and he whipped his gaze back up to me in panic. “Kane told me. He hoped that I might be able to convince you to reconsider, but if I’m honest, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with you working as a guard right now. I know that you feel like you need to keep us safe, but you’re being paranoid-”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about!” He yelled as he rose to his feet in anger and I flinched at his unexpected outburst, staring up at him with wide eyes.

“You’re so blinded by your loyalty to Arlo that you can’t see what's right in front of you. My decision to trust a grounder opened us up for betrayal, again. We have to be wiser. Wake up, Indie! Kane’s got you dancing to his tune!”

“And it sounds like Pike’s finally got you dancing to his!” I snapped viciously, causing him to curse under his breath and storm out of the room without another word, leaving the door hanging open behind him.

“Bellamy!” I yelled after him, hardly able to believe that he’d walked out on me when he knew I couldn’t leave and I threw off my covers to prepare to follow him, when Jackson rushed in.

“Woah, woah!” He gasped, glancing back out of the door with disbelief. “Indie, don’t even think about getting out of that bed! You’re not well enough.” He ordered, barging his way over to push me back and due to my weak state, I couldn’t fight as he lifted me slightly to prop me back on the mattress.

“Jackson. I need to-”

“I understand that you want to go after your man, but just give him some time to cool off. He’ll come back when he’s ready.” Jackson argued, blocking the door from my reach and I reluctantly flopped into lying down with exhaustion. 

“You might as well get comfortable, honey. You’re not going anywhere. I need to get these dressings changed, anyway.” He added as he approached to ensure that I was secure in the bed, before he busied himself with treating my burns and I had no energy left to argue as I began to stew in my thoughts. 

❖ ── ✦ ──『✙』── ✦ ── ❖

The effect of the pain relief was so strong that I didn’t even realise that I had fallen asleep until someone was shaking me. It was a battle to pull myself from the allure of sleep, as the exhaustion I felt was so intense that it felt unbeatable. Between blinks, I caught sight of Octavia standing above me with a panicked expression and the fear in her face spurred me into action.

“Indie, wake up! We’ve got trouble.” She hissed urgently and I sat bolt upright so quickly that it made me flinch in pain.

“What’s wrong?” I gasped, almost falling out of bed from dizziness and Octavia grabbed my shoulders to stabilise me.

She seemed to regret her decision to wake me, as I stared at her though unfocused eyes and I knew that she worried over my condition. After a few moments of staring at her insistently, she eventually cracked. 

“It’s Bellamy.” She sighed awkwardly, causing alarm to course through my body and miraculously, I was no longer tired. 

Octavia had to practically restrain me to prevent me from launching out of the bed and she hurried to explain so that I would cease fighting. 

“He’s not hurt!” She gasped in exasperation and I paused in place, viewing her with a feeling of intense dread. “He helped Pike’s crew to sneak guns out of the armoury. Lincoln and a couple of guards caught them trying to sneak out of camp. They were going to kill the army whilst they slept.” She explained as her face displayed her hurt at this discovery and I stuttered in shock, struggling to find any words to respond with.

“What?!” I spat, rubbing at my temples whilst my brain strained to comprehend this situation. Octavia watched me sympathetically as I wondered if I had somehow caused this, replaying our earlier conversation in my mind obsessively.

“That’s not even the worst of it.” She confessed in a careful voice and I could barely bring myself to meet her eyes as I steeled myself for more. “Kane and Abby came out to arrest them all and obviously it caused a scene. So, Pike started using it to preach his bullshit as usual and Bellamy publicly suggested that he run for Chancellor. Indie, he started the whole camp cheering for him.” 

“They’re not going to allow him to run, are they?” I breathed in horror as I understood that she had been correct to feel afraid in this camp and my anxiety was running in circles as I realised that she could be in danger. 

“I don’t think they have much of a choice. He has more support than we realised. There would be riots if they refused.” She mumbled, the colour draining from her face as she considered this and I rubbed at my face with a groan.

“This is insane!” I stated in disbelief, feeling as if I simply wanted to hide beneath my covers, but I knew that she was counting on me, amongst many others.

Pain pulsed in my head as I tried to push through my shock to form a plan, but I was overwhelmed with guilt and betrayal that clouded my judgement. It seemed utterly childish now that I had been so upset over Bellamy lying about his guard jacket when compared to something as extreme as this and I struggled to match this decision to the kind, understanding man that I knew. Octavia watched me with a similarly lost look in her eyes and I was glad to have her at my side to sympathise with the conflicting emotions that I battled. 

“Alright. Did Bellamy get arrested too?” I enquired in a forced attempt at a calm tone and she nodded without hesitation. “Good. It's a long shot, but if I can get in to visit him, then I might just be able to talk some sense into him before it’s too late.”

#the 100 #cw #oc #fanfic #fanfiction #original character #Indigo Sloan #Indigo #Bellamy Blake #Lincoln kom Trikru #Octavia Blake #Nyko kom Trikru #Abby Griffin #Marcus Kane #Charles Pike #Eric Jackson #bellamy x reader #bellamy x oc #bellamy x you #bellamy blake fanfiction #bellamy blake the 100 #bellamy blake series #the 100 fanfiction #the 100 rewrite #the 100 insert #bellamyblakeedit #bellamyblakesource #bellamyblakedaily

[onelostgirl]

7. In An Instant

Miya Atsumu x (f) smau

Atsumu wasn’t exactly excited for this fanmeet. He was usually willing to please a crowd, but something changed after Hayami left. She had been an assistant for their previous manager and was someone Atsumu fell hard for. He thought he had it all figured out until the day she vanished from his life.

He was ghosted, his calls ignored, didn’t read or reply to his messages, she had left him all alone quicker than he could ever spike a volleyball.

She was there and then she suddenly wasn’t.

It wasn’t until after their last fanmeet that she showed up looking as horrible as he was feeling.

‘I’m no good without you, but that’s not what it’s like for you is it.’

Her words felt like venom seeping into his body. Had she really fallen for his fake attempt of making things seem okay? She thought this was easy for him.

‘Is that why you left’

He finally managed to choke out as she sharply looked up at him, her eyes filled with pain as he wondered if they were just reflecting his own misery.

‘There’s no way it would work Tsu, you’re you a somebody- I’m a nobody.’

He couldn’t hear anything over the words she had said. She knew what it was like getting into a relationship with someone in the spot light like him. He told her over and over how difficult it would be but he thought they were worth it. All the pain, struggles, secrets, late nights, the waiting-she was worth it all.

‘Yer somebody ta me.’

He thought it would make a difference but her body spoke volumes, her shoulders crunched up tightly as she held onto her hands like she’d crumble in front of him. She was somewhere far from him, a place he could never reach.

‘Wasn’t it enough?’

He asked as silence followed his words.

‘Wasn’t what we felt fer eachother enough to take all that shit.’

He looked up to her and slowly wiped a drop of water from his cheek.

It must have been sprinkling. The rain would fall soon.

‘I need you but you can do fine with or without me-that’s why you need to let me go Tsu. Holding on will only hurt us both.’

She thought he didn’t need her that’s why she had left him.

Atsumu worked his entire life to be where he was, gave up any other possible future as he persued this sport professionally. He couldn’t undo what he put in, he couldn’t turn the clock and just choose not to do this. All his life, he dreamed of standing on that court and millions of others, facing off to players who may or may not beat him, leaving the odds where they were and giving his everything to each match.

This feeling, this passion of his was something he needed to chase after even if he was on his own. Even if his twin had chosen a different path.

This was his and deep down he knew if he just gave it up it would kill him. But a part of him also knew that it was too much to ask her to stay. Knowing that he couldn’t give her what she wanted, understanding that sometimes their relationship wouldn’t be what she deserved.

He hated not being able to go on dates whenever he wanted. Despised that if he was recognized in public holding her hand that her face would be plastered on every social media and news channel across the nation.

It was the price he had to pay for becoming a pro player but it wasn’t something she signed up for.

And at first it was so beautiful and precious but after all the months away and uncertainty Hayami couldn’t handle any of it. The lying tabloids whenever he was in the same breathing space as an aspiring model or actress, all the endorsements that were coupled with said women. All the speculation that he had been secretly dating various celebrities or models.

He couldn’t ask her to go through with it all unless he offered her something permanent. But after the way she left, doubt coursed through him. She didn’t even explain anything, in his eyes he wasn’t worth a single text. She just decided things on her own and left him to wonder if that meant they were on a break or broken up.

‘So this is it then’

He replied with more of a statement than a question. She had made up her mind and there was no changing it.

‘There’s no me in me anymore Tsu, I loved you so much that I became a weaker person. Love shouldn’t be this hard. I can’t stand beside you and be strong.’

A part of him understood where she was coming from but it didn’t make it any better. He knew she grew dependent on him but he didn’t feel bothered by that. She obviously didn’t feel the same.

Was letting her go the only way to help her? He wished he didn’t have to, he’d hold onto her all his life if he could but fact was she didn’t want that.

His love made her weak.

‘Somethin’s I can’t control-be happy Haya, even if it ain’t with me.’

It was the last thing he said before he walked away from her. He turned before she could say anything else, before he broke down in tears, before any more time would be wasted between them.

He left and even when every fiber of his being told him to turn around. He didn’t look back. Not once.

———

Setting up for this fanmeet, might have been too much for him to handle, luckily there was a pint sized person to keep him distracted.

Y/N had been getting on his nerve lately but since his mind was filled with disagreements with her, he didn’t have time to think about Haya. It actually worked in his favor because he would have been one hell of a pain in the ass if he had to deal with all his pent up emotions.

Having her there helped keep his thoughts from wandering, even if all they had been doing the last three hours was arguing about the lighting or how many people were allowed up to the table at once.

Atsumu looked over to y/n, saw her standing and looking over to the table where all the members of the team would be sitting.

“Ya just gonna stand there, Y/N.”

Y/N looked over to the blonde setter taking out something from the box beside him.

“Oh, quiet Miya. I was just thinking if the lighting is good enough for the fans to see everyone from this far.”

She explained as the blonde looked over to her from where he was squatting at.

“Sure sure le’ me do all the work.” He mumbled a part of him wondering how they actually got to talking normally with each other. At the beginning it seemed impossible but somehow now things were different.

“Oh gosh, you’ve done like two boxes of giveaways. I’ve done dozens at home.” She replied as the blonde shot her a nasty look which she actually held back a laugh from.

When Atsumu turned away, he hid the smirk that was about to escape his face. A part of him didn’t want her to know he might have actually been enjoying this.

“You know tomorrow is my first fanmeet with the team. I’ve done it before but somehow I’m excited but very anxious.” Y/N confessed as Atsumu slowly stopped what he was doing to look back to her.

For a moment, he couldn’t turn away from her.

For once it seemed like she let down her walls slightly in front of him and he was very much not expecting or use to this.

“Yer gonna be fine, it’ll be a breez’. Only thin’ ya gotta worry about is if any fans sneak back stage— or if anyone throws unmentio’ables to Omi-kun.”

Atsumu attempted to try to soothe her worries, something he had never done before and he also wasn’t sure why he did.

“Oh yeah only that.”

Y/N responded not so convinced that would be the biggest of her problems during tomorrow’s event. She knew that before Atsumu and her were genuinely civil to each other that he voiced concerns on his social media and a small voice inside her hoped none of the fanatical types showed up.

She shook her head trying to will away any of her uneasiness as the event wasn’t about her. All she had to do was provide all the necessities to make this successful for the team and their fans. She knew they all worked hard and they deserve time to bond with the people who work just as hard to support them.

Her plan was to be invisible so much so that no one would mind her presence but also so she wouldn’t stand out to cause an issue.

“I can hear yer brain goin’ into overdrive. Would ya chill Y/N.”

A red blush appeared across her cheeks, a part of her embarrassed to know he knew she was over anazlying the entire situation.

She hoped that it wouldn’t be noticed by the blonde setter as she silently willed herself to calm down.

“Ya know red might just be ya color.” His words just made her blush harder as she shook her head to try to get herself to stop.

Atsumu found this situation all too amusing as he watched Y/N try to look at everything except him. He didn’t even realize a smirk had appeared on his face.

Y/N glanced over to him and caught the smirk. It had been the first time she actually looked at him and never for that long. She could understand why everyone was attracted to him, there’s no way you couldn’t know he was nice to look at.

His good looks might have been the reason why fans still showed up despite how much of an ass he was whenever he demanded silence during his serves.

He was a rare type of eye candy that many knew needed to be appreciated.

Y/N quickly looked away not wanting to stare longer than she already had.

She knew he was trying to make her feel better and a part of her admired that he actually did. This belief he had, gave her a bit of courage to face whatever might come her way.

“Well there’s nothing I can’t handle. And if you ever feel like you can’t hack it or that you just need a moment to breathe, I got you.”

She stated as Atsumu’s head slowly panned up to her, he was suddenly curious what she looked like.

The first thing he saw was an outstretched hand in front of him.

He gradually brought his gaze up to her face where he met her fiercely intense yet kind eyes.

He knew instantly that even if he had initially though she was like Hayami, he had been wrong.

The woman in front of him didn’t need his strength, instead she was offering him hers.

It might have been the first time Atsumu truly saw Y/N. As he glanced at her hand he realized that he was unfair to judge her so harshly before.

He was so occupied looking at her that he never really saw her. Never even comprehended that she wasn’t Haya, that she was her own person. That even if he made Haya weak, it wouldn’t happen with Y/N because she wasn’t her, she had a strength all her own that he couldn’t take away.

While he thought he would dread this situation, that he would rather be stuck in a room with screaming babies. He realized that spending time with her wasn’t what he thought it was. She wasn’t so bad when he decided not to go out of his way to be an extra asshole.

“Ya sure yer gonna be able to handle all us jack’ls?”

He asked in a playful tone as Y/N looked up at him, a genuine smile on her face.

“Oh please-I’ll take the team, fans, press, and then some.” She stated flipping her hair as if he was being ridiculous to even suggest that.

previous | chapterlist | next

Author’s note: Finally, we have some progress! Y/N and Atsumu have actually begun to have a decent convo that led to some mutual respect from both sides. Now, we just have to see how the fanmeet will go and also what does life have in store for Y/N when an old friend suddenly gets added to the mix. Stay tuned for the next update and be ready to brace for whatever twists, turns, drops, and flips that come with this Love Loop. Thank you for all the support and love! Taglist is still open (:

Taglist: @shadyjinyoung @roiana-mustang @z-i-t-t @koukamisblog @90s-belladonna @kimxbae @hamsterfan17 @of-heroes-and-dreams @huliannajace @iloveanime691 @rinnieee @lilacshouko @alyssasteaparty @nhaikyuu

#atsumu x reader #haikyuu smau #haikyuu social media #haikyuu!! #miya atsumu #haikyuu x reader #miya atsumu x reader #atsumu miya #onelostgirl love loop #atsumu smau

[jasmine-tea-latte]

Since nobody asked for my input, here’s a lovely PSA for antis in general, because some of y’all need a reminder / a reality check.

(Excluding the folks who properly tag stuff as anti-__, of course, because that’s the whole point of that tag.)

Also, please note that I’m not saying don’t engage in debates ever or feel like you should be silent about subjects that matter to you. Create dialogue! Learn from other people! By all means, share your POV! Discuss the numerous other things you’re passionate about. Speak your mind.

Also, this is not in reference to critical thinking posts regarding fandom content or metas. This is about being an ass on a post that harms absolutely no one.

This post is strictly about how we consume media for entertainment (I.e. ship preferences) and how, if you’re constantly seeing posts pop up for something you hate yet you keep diving into the tags of said thing and feel compelled to comment on it, especially if it’s that stupid “No❤️” shit - congratulations, you’re playing yourself, and I’m about to show you why.

Also, the point of this post is not to be holier than thou or overtly preachy. I posted plenty of obnoxious stuff on fandom forums back in the day, so learn from my mistakes, okay?

Here’s something you need to understand right here, right now:

You are responsible for cultivating your own internet experience.

Don’t like seeing tons of posts about a show / ship / topic you dislike or have no interest in?

Don’t interact with it.

Just keep scrolling along.

I’m serious.

Let it go.

Devote your time and energy on things you do enjoy and let the fans of whatever it is that you hate enjoy that thing in peace.

Take for instance pecan pie. I hate pecan pie with a passion. Guess what I’m not going to do, though? Go over to a forum or group of people who like it and start screaming about how gross it is and how anyone who likes pecan pie is a terrible, horrible person.

Because why waste my time deliberately going somewhere that I don’t have to be and know I won’t like, picking fights and being an asshole in general?

But if it’s posted in a public forum it’s up for debate, I hear you complain.

Yeah, so?

What do you honestly think you’re going to accomplish by raining on someone else’s parade?

Seriously, I’m asking you, what do you really think is going to happen if you waltz up and start yelling at fans of something about how they’re stupid or awful for liking XYZ?

What’s it going to cost you to keep scrolling and find something that sparks joy instead of rage?

Answer:

If you’re lucky (that is, if you present a well-thought out and cohesive argument) then you might convince some people over to your side.

But realistically in the best case scenario, you’d have a civil debate where absolutely no one changes their mind.

If that’s what your goal was, congrats! You successfully shared your opinion without making yourself look like an asshole who has nothing better to do with their time than pick unnecessary fights and looking to stir shit up just because you’re bored.

But if you go up to a table of people chowing down on pecan pie and tell them that they’re stupid for liking it when cherry / chocolate / whatever pie flavor that floats your boat exists, guess what’s gonna happen?

You will get eyerolls and be considered a douche, but no one will give an actual fvck what you have to say.

I straight up insulted a group of fans for liking something I hated and I did so by going out of my way over to their corner of the fandom. AITA?

Yes, YTA (you’re the asshole) in this scenario.

There’s a post floating around out there explaining how you wouldn’t walk into an Italian restaurant and yell about how you don’t like the food and that you’d rather eat at the Chinese restaurant across the street.

Who in their right mind would do that? Nobody, that’s who, and that’s what you look like deliberately poking around a fandom you hate to cause discord.

Also pro tip: you’re ultimately shooting yourself in the foot when you do obnoxious things like that.

The more you interact with a certain topic or spend time posting about it online, the more you’ll see of it, because that’s how the algorithms work.

It doesn’t matter if you post “I love pecan pie!” or “pecan pie is the worst!”

All that algorithm picks up on is the keyword “pecan pie” so if you hate it? Guess what, you just served yourself another slice of crap and you’ve got no one to blame but yourself.

A few years ago some people on Facebook got sick and tired of seeing Buzzfeed constantly post about KUWTK. Which I get, because idgaf about them, tbh - don’t hate them but don’t care, either. But someone decided to fill the comment sections of those posts with pet pictures as a protest of sorts to prove that literally anything else was more entertaining. Yeah that’ll show them!

Except that it didn’t matter that all of their comments were irrelevant. The algorithm just saw a bunch of traffic on the KUWTK posts, which in turn caused Buzzfeed to post about them even more. It turned into a cycle of self destruction by the commenters, because the more they posted pet pics, the more traffic they gave to the very posts they wanted to destroy.

Hence why I preached earlier about how I keep scrolling whenever I see a post for a ship or movie / show / other media for something I dislike. Because guess what happens? It goes away and I only see posts for things I dislike on rare occasions.

Also, the block / hide option is sitting right there, folks.

I just don’t understand the mindset of someone who spends all their time online complaining about a ship / show / media and actively seeks it out to further spread their discontent, then is Suprised Pikachu when the topic keeps showing up in their recommended lists.

Look, I’m ultimately here to have fun and interact with other fans of media that I enjoy. I’m not here to tell you what to do or how you should use your time. If going out of your way to antagonize fans of the thing you despise fills you with warm and fuzzies then don’t let me stop you if that’s how you actually choose to live your life. Some people just want to watch the world burn, so you do you, boo.

But the fact of the matter is that you can waste your time whining about how gross pecan pie is or you can choose to spend your time by promoting the kind of pie you do like, cultivating a much more pleasant experience for yourself, not to mention peace of mind.

You don’t win the pie war by hijacking posts and acting like a tool. You win it by creating content of your favorite pie until it outnumbers the kind you dislike.

Plus, if you put out more posts praising and promoting things you do like, it’ll help the algorithm suggest more content that you actually would enjoy.

Yeah but it’s my right to do that! I hear you argue just for the sake of being argumentative or because you genuinely enjoy the attention that it gets you. So I have to ask,

Why are you making yourself mad when you could make yourself glad instead?

Basically what I’m saying is that when it comes to spewing contrarion opinions in a forum for the sake of causing drama:

The world is a shitty enough place at times already, and fandom is meant to be fun.

Stop seeking out things you hate and then bitch about seeing them. Love yourself and take care of your mental health.

Don’t be that asshole.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

And now, I’m off to go find some delicious key lime pie and be thankful that it’s not pecan.

#I was in some kind of mood y’all #but seriously #don’t be an asshole #my stuff #not atla

[miraefmd]

updates & changes restructuring prompts

assuming your muse has changed in some way, be it internally or as a result of a change of the external factors around them, how is your muse different?

well... her faceclaim has changed, which i feel actually represents most of the character changes she’s had pretty well, but that is almost certainly something that only makes sense to me and is not surface-level obvious to an outsider. mirae has changed a lot less than ash has, but she’s got a little more background and journey now within her past in the industry.

firstly, i gave her dad back his hobby of singing in his little hobby indie rock band. wish mirae had that, but i removed it for silhouette mirae when she became dance focused over vocal focused. i’ve given it back to her now because i feel like it works well with who selene mirae is, which is very well-known for her stage presence and performance. her dad would drag her up on stage sometimes to his little free shows with an audience of like fifteen people, and that sparked her love of the stage. he’s still an author as how he makes money (when he makes money... his books aren’t bestsellers and mirae does support him quite a bit financially now that she has a steady cashflow and he divorced her mom).

there’s more focus on her having made the choice to keep mostly to selene without venturing too much into solo activities despite being presented several chances that she pretty much threw away over the years now (her viral fancam in 2013, parasite’s success). a lot of her changes are reflected in her established career claims, so i’ll more in depth about that in that section.

since this is the section for it, though, abracadabra soty. she wasn’t so sure about the whole era at the time because the sound was very different from what selene had been doing and was twenty and her role in the mv was quite sexual, far beyond the bounds of what she’d acted at that time. in retrospect, she really loves the era, though, because it marked the beginning of selene stepping outside of the typical idol box and the choreography is fun to perform despite its simplicity. petition for mirae to get felt up by female dancers in more of their choreographies.

version two of mirae was very ambitious and version three still is, but it’s more explicit in her background that she’s often suppressed her individual ambitions in favor of the group.

what does your muse think of their company and their group?

mirae loves selene. she very aware of the gift being able to debut within selene is. she’d been let go from her old company and dropped out of school by the time she became a gold star trainee and her family had nowhere near the money or network to secure a future for her. she had to secure it herself and she’d given everything to secure that as an idol, only for it to be ripped away. joining gold star and being put in selene was a saving grace. she would love the group to some extent even if she’d been put into a group she didn’t like, but selene’s concepts have fit her like a glove over the years. it could be argued their debut song was too sexualized, but, at the time, mirae loved it and felt it showed the best sides of her.

idol girl groups aren’t always given the chance to mature at the same pace as their members, but mirae is grateful that eleven years after debut, selene is still releasing music that doesn’t feel out of place for women in their late twenties and early thirties. she’s never grown tired of standing on stage as a member of selene and has no desire to see them disband in their lifetimes. she doesn’t know how the others feel, but she’d love to release an album when they’re in their sixties or seventies to prove they’ve still got it.

gold star is the entity that allowed selene to exist, so she’s grateful toward the company. she doesn’t have any particular negative feelings toward the company, but she’s also aware companies are companies and it doesn’t make sense to ever glorify one entirely. she has no plans to leave gold star at this time.

is your muse on their first contract or their second? if they’ve renewed, what were their feelings around that at the time and what were their hopes for their second contract? if they haven’t renewed, what are their current thoughts on the end of their eventual first contract?

mirae renewed her contract with gold star in 2017. she never seriously considered leaving the company, but she did take renewals seriously. it was around that time she realized she’d had her career for seven years and although selene had tons to show for it, mirae as an individual hadn’t shaped much of a name for herself. she’d acted in a well-received film in 2013 and gone viral for her stage presence, so her name had some weight behind it, but she’d seen others who debuted around the same time rise to cf queens or solo artists, meanwhile mirae was best known for being in selene to most.

it’s not that she didn’t want to be known for being in selene, but she’d been taking acting lessons the past four years even though she wasn’t acting and that seemed like a waste when it was something she had a passion for. when it came time for meetings about contract renewals, mirae expressed that she wanted to be able to pursue acting more consistently that she had been. it was an early step into allowing herself to have ambitions beyond selene, but a crucial one that it may have taken her longer to make had contract renewals not come into the equation.

she worried that their second contract would mean waning activities for selene as a group, which happened a little bit, but not as much as mirae had feared beforehand. right now, she’s happy with where her second contract has landed her and wouldn’t be opposed at all to signing on for a third in a few years time.

what are your muse’s goals and motivations?

when she first became an idol, her main goal was to make a living. she’d never really known financial security growing up and she was lucky to have what she did have. this, at times, conflicted with her own personal determination to do what made her happy. the topic had been a source of contention between her mom and dad for a long time, with her dad not contributing much financially to the household but being much happier with his job than his mom, who was the main source of income for the family. mirae was much closer to her dad and favored his approach to life, so whenever she thought too much about her own deep need for financial security, she doubted if she was pursuing idoldom with the right intentions, but she usually worked out eventually that if she really wanted money, becoming an idol under a fairly small company (as the one she first trained under was) was far from the most reliable way to go about that.

now, at twenty-seven, mirae is mostly driven by a desire to grow and challenge herself. she’s found financial security and it doesn’t look to be going away any time soon, so she wants to become someone who is very fulfilled personally instead. it’s a luxury she can worry about such a thing and, because of her history, she knows that. with the foundation of money solidly built, she’s turned her focus to building the foundation of a legacy she’ll have when the day comes she can’t act or sing or dance or model with the same energy and health she has now.

what is one conflict, internal or external, that your muse is currently dealing with, has recently dealt with, or will need to deal with in the future?

i’ve touched on this multiple times already, but mirae struggles with the idea that striking out too much on her own might somehow hurt selene. she’s not sure where the idea came from and if she sits down and thinks about it logically, it doesn’t make much sense, but it might come from a place of fear more than anything else. she’s dealt with hate comments for speaking her mind and being unapologetically herself for years now and she has pretty thick skin, so it’s not that, but dedicating herself to individual activities risks loneliness or not living up to the expectations set for her by all the praise she’s earned as a selene member. whenever she finds herself on the verge of a potential breakthrough as an individual, like with her acting debut or her viral fancam or parasite’s global success, she’s balked at it a little. she wants to stop doing that and embrace it if she gets another chance like that. she's trying to do that right now with her viral dance performance video from her youtube channel.

another conflict she’s dealing with is her relationship with her family, specifically her mom. mirae and her mom have never gotten along very well, and her mom never supported her in being an idol. even now that mirae’s successful, her mom doesn’t seem to approve and mirae can’t tell if it’s pride or genuine disapproval that causes that. she tries her hardest to be a good daughter to her mother like she is to her dad, but it comes much less easily to her because she’s never really gotten any kind of obvious approval from her.

if your muse has established career claims, what are their thoughts on their career so far? if they do not, how do they feel about not having individual activities yet? what would they like to do in the future, if anything? if they don’t have ambitions for individual activities, explain why.

mirae’s main area of established career claims is in acting. she made her acting debut in the film miracle in cell no. 7, which was a big success. after that, she didn’t take an acting role again for almost five years when she took on a supporting role in the film heart blackened. acting became more consistent after that with a role in parasite in 2019 and her first lead role in space sweepers in 2021. she’s only acted in films so far, although this year, she starred as the female lead in platinum’s “remember that” music video. 

in 2013, a fancam of her performing selene’s song “up & down” went viral for her charisma and stage presence. for a brief moment, she had a surge in popularity as attention turned to her skills as a performer and her visuals, but she turned down the offers that came her way for individual activities and the effect of that faded with time.

mirae’s long held an interest in fashion, so when her newfound global popularity following parasite got her an offer to attend paris fashion week in spring 2020, she took it. it confirmed for her that she wants to do more in the areas of fashion and modeling, whether through the gateway of her acclaim as an idol or actress or on her own merits as a model or style icon.

mirae’s solo activities have been spread out across her eleven year career and she hasn’t fully utilized them to the potential they had to propel her forward as hwang mirae and not only selene’s mirae, but she is proud of them and the work she’s been able to accomplish.

#famedrstask1 #+ 10 ecp

[clairecrive]

"Insecurities" - Alfie Solomons x reader (Part 2)

This probably is one of the longest images I've ever written. It's one hell of a ride so buckle up and let me know what you think!!

Warnings: some angst but mostly fluff! oh and it is long af.

There were different adjectives that could describe Alfie Solomons. Everyone agreed that he was ruthless, some could say that he's two-faced, full of nonsense and keen to angry outbursts. And of course, for a man who wants to become top dog in the criminal world, he ought to be selfish and claim what he wants without caring about anything but his personal gain.

Of course, you knew that, Alfie was always very open about the kind of person he was. Or the kind of person he wanted to be perceived as anyway. You knew better. You knew that all those adjectives that people throw in Alfie's way were a direct consequence of his line of work. Not necessarily they were coherent to his personality.

Spending time with him made you a direct witness of his truest and genuine self. Alfie could be cold-blooded but he was not cold-hearted. He actually wasn't new to act of generosity both towards people he loved, who weren't a lot granted, and people in need.

He wasn't two-faced, he was strategic. He had been in the war so he wasn't afraid to choose the thing the best suited his needs, not afraid of crossing people in the process. He always told you, whenever you worried about his life and safety, that he wasn't afraid of death, having already seen so much of the dark lady's deed. He also liked to call himself selfish, in particular when it comes to you.

You didn't agree with him at all on this and always argued that wanting to spend all of your time with someone and showering them with your love wasn't selfish. It was just what people in love do.

Your words echoed in Alfie's mind while he was struggling with himself not sure of what to do. He was unconsciously proving your point, that he wasn't selfish otherwise he wouldn't have cared about the ways in which he was supposedly holding you back.

Fortunately, he didn't have to make any choice seeing as when you make your way out of the crowd toward your table you spot his bulky figure near the bar. Of course with the loud music playing he couldn't hear a thing but by the way your lips parted in a smile full of joy he guessed you had let out one of yours happy noises that he'd always secretly adored.

Since the moment your eyes met, neither of you dared to look away. He watches as you mutter someone to one of your friends before you quickly approach him.

"Alfie my love!" you couldn't help but exclaim enthusiastically about his presence. You throw yourself at him, clutching your arms around his neck, restraining from putting your legs around his waist too knowing that you were in a public place after all.

" 'ello sweetie." his voice softly hits your ear despite the noise. Shamelessly taking in his smell you actually sigh when his arms hold you in a tight embrace, lifting you from the ground for a few moments.

"I can't believe you're here. You've no idea how much I've missed you." you softly confess still in his arms, not ready to let him go yet.

"Oh I know love, 'cause I've missed ya just as much."

His sweet words never fail to make you smile and give you butterflies in your stomach. Guggling you finally remove your head that was nestled where his shoulder and neck met. The blue of his eyes made you shiver just like the first time you saw them and if it wasn't for his hold on you, you were positive that you'd have stumbled.

"How are you baby? You look tired, haven't you been sleeping at all?" you scold him knowing very well that he had been closing his eyes for a maximum of 15 minutes and called that sleeping.

"Eh love, I've been busy you know? No rest for the wicked right?" he joked trying to get away with his unhealthy lifestyle.

"Of course." you chuckled choosing to indulge him. Gently resting your hand on the side of his face, you softly scratch his beard in the way you know it relaxes him. Unable to restrain yourself anymore, you kiss him. Nothing too indecent, you didn't allow yourself to deepen it knowing very well that things couldn't go any further than this. He must have felt all the longing and the desire you felt because when you pulled away he moaned and didn't open his eyes right away.

"I really appreciate you coming here just to see me, Alfie, I really do. But you clearly need some sleep and a comfy bed so I'm not going to hold you here," you admitted, a bittersweet taste already filling you knowing that even though he was here in your arms it could be weeks before you see him again. But he came, just because you asked and that was all that you could ask.

"My bed's not comfy without ya," he smirks looking into your eyes.

"I would really like to remedy to this problem you've presented me, sir, however I do not enjoy waking up to an empty bed after a steamy night. Kinda feels like I'm a prostitute of sorts." you joke while expressing something that you were holding back for a while.

Usually very busy, Alfie would leave very early in the morning when you were sound asleep. You would wake up to a sweet note left on his pillow but it didn't quite make up for his absence and the coldness of his side of the bed. It was better if you went to bed on your own other than waking up alone.

You always wondered if Alfie had caught up on why you refused to sleep together after a while but the groan he makes after hearing your words tells you that he, in fact, had no clue.

"The fuck are ya talking about love eh? If it was fo' me right? I would never leave ya asleep."

"I know Alfie. I know you're really busy and you do it because you have to work, I was not implying that you wanted to. I'm just saying." you then explain seeing as he had taken it personally. It seemed as if your words struck a chord because the look in his eyes became more serious and his arms loosened around your waist.

" You deserve more than this half relationship that I'm giving ya." he admits leaving you speechless. What was this coming from?

"What? Alfie no, I was not complaining alright? You have been very clear to me about what you could give me and I said yes, remember? I knew what I was getting into because I love you and it doesn't matter to me if I can't only see how much I'd want to." you plead him with your eyes to listen to you.

He won't meet your eyes though and you knew that he was probably sabotaging himself. So you took matters into your hands and gripping his hand in yours you lead him outside of the bar, seeking the quiet that this conversation required.

"Alfie, look at me." you urged him when you were finally outside standing in front of each other. When he did look at you, you continued.

"This situation isn't ideal, I know it. But it doesn't come from your neglect, you do spend every little bit of your free time with me. Look at you, standing here in front of me half asleep just because I've asked you to. And you're telling me that I deserve better?"

"Yeah well, what if me doing my best to see ya is still not enough?" he insists

"For whom Alfie,mh? I'm standing here telling you that you're all that I want and that I wouldn't choose anyone else even though I can't be with you every day and you're still trying to convince me to see that you're not worth my time." clearly frustrated with his stubbornness you can't help but point out to him his ungrounded doubts.

"Are you trying to convince me to break up with you so that you don't have to? Is this what you're doing?" a realization than hit you and you voiced it hoping, praying that it wasn't true. That he hadn't grown tired of you and trying to push you away.

"I'm just saying that you should be with someone who's able to give you everything you want, s'all." he mumbles looking down at his feet

"Do you still want to be with me, Alfie?" Fed up with all of this bullshit you cut straight to the point. He sighs and meeting your eyes he couldn't help but tell you the truth.

"Of course I want y/n. Yer the love of me fucking life," he confesses and that was all that you needed to know. Nothing else mattered.

"Than Alfie, that's all that matters. As long as we both want this then we can make it work. I love you, Alfie. You hear me? You're the only one for me and you always will be." you softly pour out your heart to him taking his hands in yours, intertwining your fingers.

You hold your joined hands over your heart," this is yours", and then on the side of your forehead, "as is this. I'm yours Alfie, body and soul." You deliver the last blow and you knew that you had shushed every doubt he had when he first entered the bar.

"Oh come 'ere you cheesy angel." he simply said before kissing you with the passion of a man who was starving and your lips were his salvation.

He chose to believe you even though deep in his heart he knew you did deserve better than him. But maybe he was selfish after all because no matter what he knew he'd die before letting you go.

#alfie solomons one shot #alfie solomons fic #alfie solomons x reader #alfie solomons imagine #alfie solomons imagines #alfie solomons #angst #fluff #peaky blinders #peaky blinder imagine #tom hardy imagines #tom hardy #alfie solomons x you #insecurities part 2

[jamestaylorswift]

Love’s a game, wanna play?  A meta-analysis of the game of love and Taylor’s love of games

—

Before actually getting into this, I’m obligated to make the disclaimer that this is just my interpretation of some songs. I’m not claiming to be “right” about anything.  I have no way of knowing whether my observations will hold true if/when Taylor releases more music. It doesn’t really matter. There are many ways to interpret music.

Games are not the only extended metaphor in her discography; if you understand one, you don’t necessarily understand them all. This essay is an exploration of how one particular metaphor could be so effective.

In addition, I am often the first person to say that “not everything is that deep.” Yet here I am, making something deep. I was only mildly curious about this metaphor at first. In the process of documenting my understanding, I surprised even myself as I realized how rich this metaphor is.

A warning…this essay is very long. (It’s either mildly interesting or completely ridiculous and nothing in between. Likely the second.)

—

The notion of a ‘game’ is often conflated with the notion of adversarial conflict. This misunderstanding is largely due to Western structural/cultural forces. Mathematicians and economists have a passion for framing most predicaments as zero-sum, or strictly competitive, where one player’s advantageous move by definition disadvantages their opponent. But collaborative and otherwise not strictly competitive games exist too.

Taylor’s fascination with games spans her entire discography. Artistic preoccupation is reason alone to analyze her work from such an acute angle. But pleasantly, Taylor also does not share the academics’ favorite pastime. She strays away from the zero-sum bias in very unpredictable ways. In fact, she has no bias. She prefers to mix and match her language to each situation as she sees fit. Her convolution of love and games is expressive, divorced from the logical framework by which games are defined. I think examining this facet of her work with a fine-toothed comb may be especially illuminating.

It seems counterintuitive to argue that games could (or should) be anything more than Taylor’s favorite metaphorical manifestation of logos. Yet revisiting a metaphor is itself communication, conscious or not. Advancing an understanding of this extended metaphor, in my opinion, substantiates what is usually intangible about Taylor’s songwriting brilliance.

On Games

Precocious and perceptive, Taylor has, for as long as she’s been writing, placed competition, strategy, and collaboration alongside conflict. Therefore, for the sake of coherence and relative brevity, analysis is scoped only to songs with significant mentions of games, puzzles, or game-related imagery. ‘Games’ are not conflated with general fighting, trickery, toying, revenge, mention of rules/strategizing, or winning/losing. ‘Puzzles’ are not conflated with disorder; puzzle pieces must be pieces of a larger, vivid picture.

Consider football. Imagery of high school football makes “Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince” fair territory. Someone shouting over a football game in a bar does not qualify “Mean.” The football helmet worn in “Stay Stay Stay” is an absurd and compelling detail in context, as likely to be fictitious as it is true, and hence more significant than a televised sporting event; “Stay Stay Stay” qualifies. In essence, games are interesting as a device rather than a simple detail.

Below is a list of the songs with significant game reference(s), categorized by implied type. Note that a song can belong to multiple categories if it contains multiple references.

Generic/unspecified games: “Come in With the Rain”, “Dear John”, “State of Grace”, “Blank Space”, “Wonderland”, “…Ready For It?”, “End Game”, “Look What You Made Me Do”

Card games: “New Romantics”, “End Game”, “Cornelia Street”, “It’s Nice To Have A Friend”

Dice games: “Cruel Summer”, “Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince”

Board games: “Dear John”

Sports/contests: “The Story Of Us”, “Long Live”, “Stay Stay Stay”, “End Game”, “Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince”

Puzzles: “Red”, “All Too Well”, “So It Goes…”

Other: “It’s Nice To Have A Friend”

Like many people, Taylor habitually seeks structure to manage unpredictability. (Games provide structure for situational volatility, hence her artistic love affair with this metaphor.) The stylistic choices she makes to entertain this habit, however, are anything but consistent.

The games have a variety of different players, such as in “Dear John” and “Look What You Made Me Do.”

She does not establish strict parity between characters’ emotional affiliation and the competitiveness of a game. “Dear John” features an adversarial game. Conversely, her partner in “Blank Space” is a co-conspirator/collaborator. “All Too Well” analogizes autumn leaves as puzzle pieces; puzzles are collaborative games.

Taylor famously claims that love is a game in “Blank Space.” This song is colloquially understood to be about the love story we see play out in the media. Games can thus include all parts of her ‘love life.’ Arguably, she foreshadows this in “Long Live” by intertwining parts of her ‘America’s sweetheart’ image with professional success, which is derived from writing about love.

Taylor is not always a player in a game, such as in “Cruel Summer.” Her partner may not be either; see the crossword in “Red.”

In short, humans are unpredictable, as is love. It is clear that Taylor uses games as an incredibly powerful metaphorical device. They are a genuine reflection of her feelings about love.

Musical analysis usually begins with careful consideration of each track. Given a disparate and lengthy list of songs, it is probably more fruitful to go up a layer of abstraction. Of particular intrigue for this set of songs is the relationship between time and Taylor’s willingness to divulge more information about a metaphorical game.

We revisit the set of songs to list them in chronological order. The purely ‘generic’ songs are now bolded: “Come in With the Rain”, “Dear John”, “The Story Of Us”, “Long Live”, “State of Grace”, “Red”, “All Too Well”, “Stay Stay Stay”, “Blank Space”, “Wonderland”, “New Romantics”, ”…Ready For It?”, “End Game”, “Look What You Made Me Do”, “So It Goes…”, “Cruel Summer”, “Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince”, “Cornelia Street”, “It’s Nice To Have A Friend”

Specificity about a game seems to decrease with proximity to the 1989 era.

Lyrical imprecision in “Come in With the Rain,” a true outlier, probably boils down to youth.

“State of Grace” is a preamble about the themes of Red. “Begin Again,” though much later on that album, shares the same inspiration as “State of Grace.” Red is constructed as a sandwich between these two songs which present the album’s thesis. The album considered as a whole is thus a buffer for 1989.

reputation is a buffer for 1989 because the ‘generic’ game songs are heavily and intentionally front-loaded.

“New Romantics” is a coda for 1989, and its poker game reference is slightly ambiguous. What, exactly, is poker; what is all in the timing? The thematic material of “New Romantics” is most similar to that of “Blank Space.” ‘It’ is the same crude game played in the earlier track, the affair of collecting men. Perhaps this close relation subsumes “New Romantics” under the ‘generic’ game category. (Though this is a loose explanation.)

There exists an undeniable chronological pattern to game characterization. If you graphed the amount of game-related lyrical obscurity versus time, it would look like a shallow sand dune with the tip at the 1989 era. (Or a hill. Or a big pile of leaves. You get the picture.)

Armed with a basic understanding of Taylor’s career, one might say that her desire for personal privacy manifests as reticence to define metaphorical games. The 1989 era was the height of media attention on her. This caused more than a few issues. The art created around this time would have naturally reflected how she felt about the public eye. (See: the entire reputation era.)

But isn’t Taylor almost as famous as ever today? Sure, her name is not as saturated in the zeitgeist as it was in 2014. She’s still one of the world’s mega-stars. And does she not have a very private relationship today? Taylor’s work reflects her hardened personal boundaries, but boundaries alone do not explain the pattern of how she writes about games. Otherwise Lover would be filled to the brim with songs about ‘generic’ games.

To summarize, Taylor uses games as a perennial favorite metaphor to frame her experiences of love. Increased public scrutiny undoubtedly changed the way that Taylor approached songwriting; even so, fame was not a factor that changed how she wrote about games. The connection between time and types of games suggests that we cannot consider game metaphors in isolation.

On Love

The next piece of the puzzle (no pun intended) is what she shares about love. Which 1989 songs are most revealing? Technically…most of them, if you think hard enough. I’d like to draw special attention to “Wonderland” and “You Are in Love.”

Ah, “You Are in Love.” The musical gift that keeps on giving! Fitting, because true love should be too.

In “Wonderland,” Taylor says:

It’s all fun and games ’til somebody loses their mind

Shortly thereafter in the “You Are in Love” bridge, she proclaims:

You understand now why they lost their mind and fought the wars

And why I’ve spent my whole life trying to put it into words

Taylor reverses her opinion about the prospect of losing her mind for love. (The abruptness here is a consequence of a real-life relationship change, plus the fact that both of these songs are bonus tracks.) Of course, she also tells us an important connection between love and games.

I’ll pause here to say that I’m not going to turn this into a (frankly uninteresting) relationship timeline/proof post. But may the profound significance of “You Are in Love” and its subject never escape us.

“You Are in Love” is written in the second person. Taylor is the intensely guarded ‘you.’ We witness her emotional walls get broken down by her lover, the ‘he.’ Fascinatingly, Taylor departs from the second person point of view in the bridge. Suddenly, she alerts us to the presence of an ‘I.’ The bridge says that ‘you’ Taylor, whole and normal-person-in-a-relationship Taylor, finally understands true love. In the same breath, ‘I,’ writer Taylor, admits that she’s had it all wrong for years. (This is not to say that her writing pursuits before this moment were pointless.) Therefore, breaking the second person point of view to include the ‘I’ line shows that Taylor distills the nature of true love in that ‘eureka’ moment.

Yet she exposes the schism of writer Taylor and whole, normal person Taylor in a moment where, in theory, those two roles could not overlap more. Taylor has every reason to faithfully represent her feelings. Her sentiment is always sincere even though she may falsify details of a story. “You Are in Love” is (as far as I’m aware) the only song in which Taylor ever blatantly admits to writer-person misalignment. The schism must run extremely deep.

Taylor was—and surely still is—drawn to songwriting as a means to explore love. She tries to to capture its enigmatic essence with the written word. How fascinating it is that, at the very moment she communicates her deepest understanding of love, she says that the part of her that puts it into words is inherently disconnected from her spirit which feels it.

On Games And Love

We must briefly table the meta-implications of “You Are in Love” to return to the topic of games.

Love probably would have stopped feeling like a game after finding a real gem of a person who doesn’t mess with your head. (Love also probably would have stopped feeling like a game after dialing down on brazen PR tomfoolery.) Taylor has written several albums about her true love. It’s easier now to trace the arc of her feelings: it is a positive path, as anyone would predict.

Why would she continue to write about games after 1989? The obvious answer is that she likes doing it. It remains a useful metaphor.

But recall that chronology discourages us from considering metaphorical games in isolation. To clarify the principal function of the game metaphor in her discography, we must consider the writer-person dichotomy.

First, note that Taylor exposes the writer-person dichotomy in an honest, vulnerable moment. She confirms it as a human phenomenon. The phenomenon thus must extend beyond a singular moment during 1989. Distance between writer Taylor and whole, normal person Taylor—a measure henceforth called writer-person distance—is necessarily a function of time. Coincidentally, so is the measure of game-related lyrical obscurity.

Writer-person distance can grow or shrink. It was small in her youth; this is what pushed her into songwriting. It is small now, as she has told us in the albums since 1989 that true love has stitched her back together. Again, because writer-person distance is a human phenomenon, it changes slowly, smoothly. (“You Are in Love” simply marks the biggest distance.) Does this sound familiar? If you graphed writer-person distance versus time, the graph would look like a shallow sand dune with the tip at the 1989 era. (Or a hill. Or a big pile of leaves. Once again, you get the picture.)

To summarize, game-related lyrical obscurity and writer-person distance are smooth functions. “You Are in Love” is the inflection point of both measures.

With “Wonderland” and “You Are in Love,” Taylor tells us that games are linked to how she conceptualizes love. But not just any love. 🎶 True love. 🎶

At the same time, Taylor presents “You Are in Love” as a dividing line between ‘that which is a best attempt to understand something that inherently cannot be captured’ and ‘that which refines the thing that, against all odds, was captured.’ Our interpretation of games must synthesize an abrupt ‘eureka’ moment with both the measures’ gradual changes.

If we are to talk about metaphorical games, we also must talk about true love. But we know that if we are to talk about games, we also must talk about time. Vital to uniting these ideas is the revelation that Taylor conceptualizes the nature of true love as the nature of time. For doesn’t time define what is gradual and abrupt?

The most important line in “You Are in Love” is when Taylor finds it—‘it’ being love. A literal ‘eureka’ moment. This isn’t just a one-time coincidence.

Writer-person bifurcation clarifies why the game metaphor is surprisingly effective. As Taylor revisits the convolution of love and games, the metaphor morphs in tandem with her innate understanding of love.

Some Good Old-fashioned Song Analysis

Observing how games, love, and time are intertwined requires that we reject purely literal interpretations of game-related lyrics after “You Are in Love.” Of course, literal interpretations are still generally useful, even correct. Games are literal, so references to them should be interpreted as such. Also, lyrics about games are probably Not This Deep in reality. We didn’t have to do all this work to realize what songs might belong in conversation with each other; identifying lyrical callbacks would have been sufficient. Treating game lyrics as purely literal limits how we might decipher a recurring metaphor. Without the notions of game specificity or writer-person distance, we would lack a framework with which to fully interrogate how these songs are are connected (i.e. through time). And, after all, the ultimate goal is to understand why the game metaphor is so successful. But, I digress.

(We’ve also made it this far and we might as well keep going. Another couple thousand words…don’t threaten me with a good time, amirite?)

To observe how games, love, and time are intertwined, I propose the following rule of thumb: A game reference before “You Are in Love” is Taylor’s description of love, whereas a game reference afterwards is a pointer to past instances of that game. Such a reference is metaphysical, or more appropriately, meta-lyrical. If she’s referenced a game already, she knows how to use that reference again. If she introduces a new reference, she’s planting it for future use.

We can group the songs after “You Are in Love” by game type:

Generic/unspecified games: “…Ready For It?”, “End Game”, “Look What You Made Me Do”

Dice games: “Cruel Summer”, “Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince”

Card games: “New Romantics”, “End Game”, “Cornelia Street”, “It’s Nice To Have A Friend”

Sports/contests: “End Game”, “Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince”

Puzzles: “So It Goes…”

Other: “It’s Nice To Have A Friend"

Analysis requires precision. We should pare down the duplicates, if possible.

“It’s Nice To Have A Friend” is tricky because it’s naturally sparse. “Video games,” for example, are more than a simple detail: they are an essential part of creating a childhood vignette. “Twenty questions” and the card game “bluff” function analogously in the later verses. The brilliance of this song lies in how Taylor illustrates the development of companionship and intimacy. The verse about marriage is the most significant verse because it reveals the meaning of the whole song. Thus, we may take the bluff to be more important than twenty questions, which is more important than video games. “It’s Nice To Have A Friend” ultimately belongs in the card game category.

Central to the pathos of “Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince” is the “stupid” dice game lyric. Of equal importance is the portrait of Americana, painted with lyrics about Friday night lights. This song truly belongs in two categories.

At the end of “…Ready For It?” Taylor fires a starting pistol, letting ‘generic’ games begin. “End Game” follows and we assume it must pertain to the same game. So Taylor intentionally places this song in the first category. The hook has lyrics about a varsity “A-team,” though this is probably just a nod to Ed Sheeran. The other truly interesting game-related lyric is the one about bluffing. Thus, “End Game” also belongs in the card game category.

Here’s the new list:

Generic/unspecified games: “…Ready For It?”, “End Game”, “Look What You Made Me Do”

Dice games: “Cruel Summer”, “Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince”

Card games: “New Romantics”, “End Game”, “Cornelia Street”, “It’s Nice To Have A Friend”

Sports/contests: “Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince”

Puzzles: “So It Goes…”

Each of the four obvious groups of songs illustrate a different way Taylor weaves the natures of true love and time together:

Déjà vu: “So It Goes…”

Hindsight/wisdom: “…Ready For It?”, “End Game”, “Look What You Made Me Do”

Fate: “Cruel Summer”, “Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince”

Progress: “New Romantics”, “End Game”, “Cornelia Street”, “It’s Nice To Have A Friend”

Déjà vu

The puzzles category only contains one song, making it easiest to analyze. The namesake of “So It Goes…” is Kurt Vonnegut’s Slaughterhouse Five, famously constructed like a mosaic. Puzzles are central to the meaning of this song.

“All Too Well” contains the first instance of a puzzle metaphor in her discography:

Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place

Taylor calls back to “All Too Well” in the chorus of “So It Goes…”

And our pieces fall

Right into place

Get caught up in the moment

Lipstick on your face

By referencing a previous song using identical phrasing, Taylor creates the illusion of a sudden ‘déjà vu’ moment. The effect is similar to “You Are in Love,” where she reaches sudden enlightenment.

Sonically and lyrically, the “moment” she gets caught up in is implied to be the one in which she gets lost in passionate sex. The déjà vu moment could be this moment, but it doesn’t have to be. Déjà vu is agnostic to the present in the sense that the feeling can be triggered in the strangest of times. The déjà vu moment is whatever prompted her to write this song.

This game lyric connection clearly shows how a moment of love is defined by a moment of time.

Hindsight/Wisdom

The bombastic group of singles, “…Ready For It?”, “End Game,” and “Look What You Made Me Do,” sets the tone for all of reputation. The ‘generic’ games in these songs are the same as those in 1989, particularly the crude (and, in Taylor’s case, often interchangeable) games of celebrity and dating. In “Blank Space,” Taylor spells out in gory detail what she does as an agent in the celebrity dating game. She does not explicitly define the rules of that game, though. It remains sufficient for her to prove that she knows how to play by them. (Musically, this is far more interesting.)

We know that the reputation singles’ literal proximity to 1989 indicates Taylor’s direct emotional response the previous era. The consequences of a ‘fall from grace’ underpin the entire reputation era. Therefore, Taylor uses lyrical connections from reputation back to 1989 to illustrate hindsight. She tells us what she learned from her mistakes and what she wished she would have done differently.

But first, she gets to be salty about it. In “Look What You Made Me Do,” Taylor laments the fact that she participates in public games to appease others. (Because, really, withdrawing from the celebrity circus would immediately solve a lot of her problems. Alas, megastardom is a Venus flytrap.)

I don't like your little games

Don't like your tilted stage

The role you made me play

Of the fool, no, I don't like you

Let’s return to “Blank Space” for a moment. Taylor’s boyfriend in “Blank Space” is considered a co-conspirator/collaborator with her in the celebrity dating game. Central to our understanding of that song, however, is the unequal power dynamic. Taylor is the strategic mastermind, whereas her boyfriend is just along for the ride. The two are on the same team, but they are not equals.

Taylor actually leans further into the games of the 1989 era in “…Ready For It?”

Baby, let the games begin

Unlike in 1989, her partner is an equal on her team:

Me, I was a robber first time that he saw me

Stealing hearts and running off and never saying sorry

But if I'm a thief, then he can join the heist

And we'll move to an island

She then connects “…Ready For It?” to “End Game”

Baby, let the games begin

Are you ready for it?

//

I wanna be your end game

Both Taylor and her partner are forced to play the same game and they share share the same goal. Her partner’s “end game” is Taylor; thus, Taylor keeps her true love by beating the celebrity dating game. They have to work together to achieve this difficult task.

Though the celebrity dating game is not true love, it impacts Taylor’s relationship with anyone who could be her true love. In hindsight, Taylor realizes how media games blew up in her face. It is wisdom—to keep her relationship private, to dial down on PR tomfoolery, to prioritize her happiness—that helps her pre-empt these problems for the reputation era. And indeed we understand the love story of reputation as the lovers’ prolonged attempt to hide from the public eye.

Hindsight comes with the natural passage of time. One only accrues wisdom, however, when they apply the lessons of hindsight to make better judgements about the future. Games again unite the ideas of love and time; they elucidate how Taylor uses wisdom to protect someone she loves.

Fate

“Cruel Summer” and “Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince” highlight the elegance of the meta-rule of thumb.

The dice game in “Cruel Summer” is a unique incarnation of the game metaphor because Taylor doesn’t confirm whether she is directly involved in this game:

Devils roll the dice

Angels roll their eyes

What doesn’t kill me makes me want you more // And if I bleed you’ll be the last to know

The song doesn’t reveal much about the nature of the dice game other than the fact that it is competitive. It could be a fitting description of what is going on in Taylor’s personal life. It may not be. What is more important is that Taylor positions herself as collateral damage of the outcome of the game.

This is also the dice game’s first appearance. By our rule of thumb, this lyric exists only to be a link to “Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince.”

“Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince” belongs to two different game categories, sports/contests and dice games.

First, dice games. We get a few more answers about the nature of the “Cruel Summer” competition:

It's you and me

That's my whole world

They whisper in the hallway, "she's a bad, bad girl"

The whole school is rolling fake dice

You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes

It's you and me

There's nothing like this

Miss Americana and The Heartbreak Prince

We're so sad, we paint the town blue

Voted most likely to run away with you

Both Taylor and her partner are forced to play the dice game by virtue of being metaphorical students. As a disgraced and about-to-be-vagrant prom queen, Taylor has finally realized that winning the school’s dice game is not worth the price of a ‘fall from grace.’

Next, sports/contests. With the understanding of these lyrics as pointers to her previous songs, sports/contests harkens back to “The Story of Us,” “Long Live,” and “Stay Stay Stay.”

“The Story Of Us” suggests that a shared quality of sports/contest metaphors is that conflict is nuanced, even hidden to outsiders:

This is looking like a contest

Of who can act like they care less

In “Stay Stay Stay,” football is connected to (for lack of a better word) violence, conflict that could result in emotional and physical harm:

I'm pretty sure we almost broke up last night

I threw my phone across the room at you

I was expecting some dramatic turn away

But you stayed

This morning I said we should talk about it

'Cause I read you should never leave a fight unresolved

That's when you came in wearing a football helmet

And said, "Okay, let's talk"

Finally, “Long Live” blends the ideas of small town Americana with Taylor’s personal and professional life:

I said remember this moment

In the back of my mind

The time we stood with our shaking hands

The crowds in stands went wild

//

I said remember this feeling

I passed the pictures around

Of all the years that we stood there on the sidelines

Wishing for right now

We are the kings and the queens

You traded your baseball cap for a crown

When they gave us our trophies

And we held them up for our town

And the cynics were outraged

Screaming, "this is absurd"

'Cause for a moment a band of thieves in ripped up jeans

Got to rule the world

The backdrop of “Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince” is not just any part of America. The juxtaposition of idyllic parts of American life with frictional, violent, yet sometimes subtle forces tells us that the song’s backdrop is an American culture war. It is conflict which unsettles everyone, but by nature hurts only some.

In totality, the function of the dice game metaphor is to position Taylor as collateral damage of an American culture war. (Chew on that one for a bit.)

Again, we probably could have surmised this by examining the lyrics closely. The song lends itself to being a signpost in the Lover chronology. It seems too autobiographical to be anything different. We all remember 2016.

However, “Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince” sticks out like a sore thumb from the album’s theme of “a love letter to love itself.” Revisiting games as a glue between love and time expands on the purpose of “Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince” in Lover.

The “Cruel Summer” bridge contains this lyric understood to be about her true love:

And I snuck in through the garden gate

Every night that summer just to seal my fate

Taylor identifies “that summer” in the 1989 era as the moment which she sealed her fate. Implicit in this confirmation is her perspective from the future. She is looking back on 1989 from the time when her terrible fate has just been realized.

The moment of realization is—you guessed it—the chorus of “Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince.” The chorus depicts post-prom queen defamation. Taylor is aware of every single action (many, probably deliberate) that helped her achieve royalty. She never divulges them. The song is scoped only to the time when she lives her fate.

We usually take observations about fate and love to describe how two souls are bound to each other. Taylor does not tell us much about her lover in “Cruel Summer” sans the fact that the shape of their body is new. Paying special attention to games reframes “Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince” within the Lover theme as a commentary on fate. However, the emphasis of fate should not be on her lover. The dice game connection tells us that Taylor views “that summer” in the 1989 era as the time when she sealed her fate as collateral damage in the American culture war. From the “love letter to love itself” perspective, the moral is that passion and excitement can make lovers forget the immutability of individual destiny. If you are fated to be with someone, both of you are at the mercy of whatever the world has in store for the partnership and you as individuals.

Progress

An eclectic group of songs shares a reference to bluffing in a card game. The game metaphor beautifully stitches these songs together into parts of the same story.

The first and most detailed description of the card game is in “New Romantics”

We're all here

the lights and boys are blinding

We hang back

It's all in the timing

It's poker

He can't see it in my face

But I'm about to play my ace

A bluff in poker is an attempt to trick one’s opponent into thinking one has a better hand than they do in reality. The opponent may call their bluff and challenge them to prove their hand is as good as they advertise.

Bluffing requires deception, often telegraphed by facial expressions. Here, Taylor says that she is good at bluffing because she doesn’t let her façade crack. She is not truly bluffing, though, because she possesses an ace, presumably part of her even better hand. Her opponent has called her perceived bluff to prompt to her to reveal the ace.

The opponent, “he,” behaves as though Taylor is bluffing. Taylor, strategic as ever, is prepared to counter by revealing the most powerful card. We should thus interpret this metaphor as the ‘bluffer’ exceeding expectations. (Remember that the first instance of a metaphor is a base case, so we must take its meaning more literally.)

Likewise, in “End Game” and “It’s Nice To Have A Friend”, Taylor is the bluffer:

You've been calling my bluff on all my usual tricks

//

Call my bluff, call you "babe"

However, “Cornelia Street” allows room for the interpretation that both Taylor and her lover are bluffers:

Back when we were card sharks, playing games

I thought you were leading me on

I packed my bags, left Cornelia Street

Before you even knew I was gone

But then you called, showed your hand

I turned around before I hit the tunnel

Sat on the roof, you and I

Taylor may have also been a trickster: “then you called” could refer to the lover calling Taylor’s bluff.

The recurring bluff metaphor coincides with progress or forward momentum in a relationship.

Recall a previous discussion of “New Romantics.” We defined the “it” which is “all in the timing” as a reference to finding romance. “New Romantics” is set in a club with a dance floor, boys, and blinding lights. It’s the kind of setting conducive only to landing one-night stands. Taylor plays games with someone in the club, but exceeds expectations for the outcome of that game. What was flirting or courting becomes something more serious than a one night stand (i.e. an actual relationship). The act of calling a bluff in a card game engenders (relationship) progress. Yet again, what is intrinsic to time is intrinsic to love.

This observation fits with each song.

reputation charts the development of Taylor’s relationship, but the card game bluff in “End Game” is at the beginning of the album. That’s exactly why this lyric works so well. Her relationship is still new, nonetheless significant, after 1989. Her verse mixes these ideas:

I hit you like bang

We tried to forget it, but we just couldn't

And I bury hatchets but I keep maps of where I put 'em

//

And I can't let you go, your hand print's on my soul

The “End Game” bluff represents how Taylor goes from wanting a steady relationship to wanting everything.

You might be able to see where this is going. “It’s Nice To Have A Friend” is the ‘discographical endpoint’ of the bluff metaphor. The verse about marriage delivers the song’s emotional punch:

Church bells ring, carry me home

Rice on the ground looks like snow

Call my bluff, call you "babe"

Have my back, yeah, everyday

Feels like home, stay in bed

The whole weekend

Notice, however, that the bluff metaphor occurs after the implied wedding. This is actually a beautiful sentiment. Intimacy, trust, and commitment are ongoing; growth doesn’t stop with a ring on a finger. The bluff, which represents delivering on promises and exceeding expectations for love, powers the relationship forward.

All signs point to the “Cornelia Street” bluff as the one that may have led to marriage.

Back when we were card sharks, playing games

I thought you were leading me on

I packed my bags, left Cornelia Street

Before you even knew I was gone

But then you called, showed your hand

I turned around before I hit the tunnel

Sat on the roof, you and I

So emotionally charged is this scene that we have to wonder what, exactly, Taylor’s steady partner could do to make her (1) walk out if she were being led on and (2) come back so quickly.

The most intriguing detail about this card game is that both parties may have been bluffing. The lover is leading Taylor on, but Taylor does not stay to call the bluff. She leaves. Usually in poker, one would not want their opponent to be able to prove the bluff with a good hand. (Think back to the ace in “New Romantics”.) But what if both players are on the same team at the end of the day? Calling a bluff is now setting oneself up for potential disappointment. Taylor walks out because she is frightened by the mere possibility of being let down.

Taylor is also bluffing, but her lover doesn’t let her walk away so easily. They pull out all the stops and concede their hand in a desperate attempt to get Taylor to turn around from the tunnel. It works. By our understanding of the bluff metaphor, the lover exceeds all of Taylor’s expectations. The events that transpire on the roof presumably are when Taylor reveals her own cards.

The topic of marriage fits with this emotionally charged scene. Of course both lovers would tiptoe around the topic and be scared to reveal their true feelings. 

So following the bluff metaphor helps us follow the course of true love. Calling and revealing a bluff is the catalyst for Taylor’s relationship. However, it also is the nature of time which underpins progress. 

I concede that interpreting the bluff metaphor as the catalyst of a story makes it vulnerable to any truth-fuzzing. Perhaps Taylor hasn’t ever written about a real-life engagement or marriage. We have no way of knowing. We instead should take comfort in the fact that her lyrics are beautiful and music is open to interpretation.

On Writing

Our beliefs about love are bound to change over time. As a writer, Taylor is in a unique position to capture this change by revisiting a metaphor.

Take “It’s Nice To Have A Friend.” The song is written as a series of vignettes to define the qualities of love that remain consistent while relationships change over time. The middle vignette, with its reference to “twenty questions,” could very well point back to the same day as the “Cornelia Street” card game. Feelings reoccur in certain moments—déjà vu. The first vignette is a picture of childhood. The last vignette is a picture of adulthood. Therefore, it seems just as natural to interpret the middle vignette as a picture of adolescence or young adulthood. Light pink skies, back-and-forth conversations, and brave, soft moments of intimacy illustrate a coming-of-age experience. The same moment that pulls Taylor forward in her relationship is the one that also pulls her back to a different time.

Then the coming-of-age experience is reminiscent of the portrait of Americana, the Friday night lights, marching band, and high school prom. During adolescence, we only have an inkling of our futures. We are less aware of all the ways we are connected to others and our world. Young and impressionable, our only job is to live, to change, to make memories and mistakes. Memories and mistakes define what was, and experience creates wisdom that shapes what will be. So Taylor captures this duality in fate. The moment a fate is realized is a moment that is equally a fossil of the past and a forecast for the future. The moment it all makes sense…eureka!

As an artist, Taylor’s job is to communicate her human experience. Listeners decide whether or not she successfully telegraphs what is universal about it. However, Taylor is no more of a spokesperson for the universal human experience than anyone else. She simply possesses the talent, work ethic, and privilege to make a career of it.

Consider Taylor’s own summary of the past decade:

I once believed love would be burnin' red

But it's golden

She consciously and elegantly edits her previous beliefs about love. (Obviously, she may plant callbacks to previous songs purely for fun. This one is certainly sincere.) These lines illustrate the craft she has worked hard to develop.

Manifested in her craft is the need to revisit her ideas. It seems as though certain recurring metaphors have become the only way for her to accurately capture some parts of love. They become self-perpetuating. Unforced yet expressive subconscious consistency constitutes artistry. It is artistry which compels us to believe in the universality of music.

The self-perpetuating love/games metaphor is especially fascinating. It is one of the purest examples, though perhaps also one of the strangest, of how writing about love engenders new experiences of it. Taylor translates love into game language. Games illustrate duality. Duality is love.

Perhaps this conclusion is something others already know about Taylor’s talent. I’ve never quite been able to put my finger on it until now.

To me, it seems like the songs are writing themselves.

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