#but she never really got loud or that physical i wasn’t afraid of her i just hated her | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blooming-violets · 1 year

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[tasm!peter x nameless she/her character]

Summary: Unrequited love, heartbreak, and fear of the unknown. Every relationship can be seen through two different sets of eyes. Peter has his own memories of his best friend, his own story to share, and his own mistakes to make. (10K words)

[The parallel fic to Dancing On My Own, please read that one first as this heavily weaves through the original story, some parts towards the end might not make complete sense without it]

Warnings: Gwen’s death is a key part of Peter’s later personality, angst, depression, losing of one’s sense of self, mild PTSD flashbacks, guilt and self hatred, familial physical and verbal abuse of a minor, descriptions of potentially disturbing rough sex scenes bordering on the line between abuse and consent at the hands of Peter, brief murderous intent of a woman during sex

[Dancing On My Own Spotify Playlist]

Second Grade: Over the Bar

There was something so enticing about the way she would throw her head back on the swings. Her hair would flow out behind her and catch in the wind. She would lean her entire body back with her legs out straight. Her eyes would close and her face would relax into a blissful serenity. She was flying. He knew that’s what she imagined inside her mind whenever she got on the swings. Flying away from everything that shackled her to the real world. Once she told him that when she got high enough, she was going to let go, and soar all the way to Norway to visit the trolls that lived there. He wasn’t sure if trolls were real or imaginary but she believed in them so that meant Peter did too. She always loved her fantasy stories and he never got tired of listening to her talk about them.

Peter was afraid of her flying off without him. He didn’t want her to leave him behind so he climbed onto the adjacent swing. He backed up and tried to match his swinging pace with hers. He longed to be right by her side as she flew but, every time, they’d fall out of sync with each other. Peter could never keep up. She was too fast. Already higher than he was.

“Do you think I can swing around the bar?” She asked him. Her eyes opened and she gave him a lopsided smile every time their swings passed each other. Her two front teeth were missing. He thought it was funny because they hadn’t even been wiggly the day before they fell out. She told him that the tooth fairy stole them straight out of her mouth in the middle of the night. He didn’t think that was very fair. He always had to be stuck with an annoying, wiggly tooth for days before it came out. Hers got to come out by magic overnight. Apparently teeth coming out by magic also made her top lip get all swollen and bruised. It looked like it might hurt but she never complained.

Peter nodded his head, admiring her toothless smile, “Of course! You can do anything.” It was true. He really believed she could do anything she wanted. He held her in such high regards. His best friend. His only friend.

“Okay! Let’s try it.”

They both pumped their legs a little harder and moved their bodies in motion with the swings to get up as high as they could. Peter could feel the flurry of nerves in his stomach the higher he got. The slack in the chain would loosen at a certain height and gravity would pull him back down again. His knuckles were white with the death grip he had on the chains, so afraid that if he let go he’d fall and hurt himself. Meanwhile, she continued to toss her head back and laugh with a wild abandon. This is where she felt the most free and this was where he fell in love.

She never made it over the bar.

Fourth Grade: The Broken Princess

It had been a week since she was in school. Peter missed her. He’d wander aimlessly around the playground at recess, kicking stones, and making up conversations in his head that he’d have with her. Sometimes he’d forget they were supposed to stay in his head and he’d find himself talking out loud to no one. The other kids would mock him whenever they caught him mouthing the words to an imaginary conversation. Nerdy Peter Parker and his girlfriend were always the butt of their jokes. They sneered at the word “girlfriend” as if that was a bad thing. He’d have to control his anger when he heard them laughing. It was okay if they were laughing at him but he hated when they made fun of her. He had promised Aunt May and Uncle Ben that he wouldn’t get into any more fights. It was becoming a hard promise to keep.

She was notorious for being absent from school but she’d never been out this long. He wondered what kind of sickness she had. She must be dying. That was the only explanation he could think of. She would die just like his parents had and he’d be all alone again. He decided that after school, he was going to go to her house to check. He’d never been inside her apartment building. She’d always come to play at his if they hung out. Uncle Ben had dropped her off at home before so Peter knew where it was. It shouldn’t be too hard to get there. He’d have to learn how to use the subway by himself eventually. This afternoon would be as good a time as any. He’d done it with Ben hundreds of times, he could figure it out on his own.

By the time school was over, Peter had already rushed through his homework and burst through his front door, tossing his bag on the ground and shouting for May.

She poked her head out of the kitchen and gave him a warm smile, “How was school?”

“I already did my homework!” He was out of breath from running all the way home. “Can I go out to play? I want to go to the skate park.” That was a lie. He didn’t like lying but sometimes it was necessary.

May gave a little shrug and nodded, “I don’t see why not. I trust that you actually finished all your homework and aren’t lying to me?”

He eagerly nodded.

She gave him a doubtful look but let it slide, “Be home by 6, that’s when your uncle gets off work. We’re having meatball subs for dinner.”

“Thank you! Love you! Bye!” He sprinted towards the front door.

“Peter!” She called after him.

He skidded to a stop and poked his head back around the corner into the kitchen, “What?”

May pointed her finger to his brand new skateboard sitting propped up against the living room couch, “Aren’t you forgetting something important for the skate park?”

His face flushed crimson, already having forgotten his cover story, “Oh ya. Can’t do much without that.”

“And bring a helmet, for heaven's sake. If I catch you riding that death trap without one, you will be in big trouble!”

Peter stood in front of her old, rundown apartment building. Her neighborhood scared him. It felt different when he was walking alone instead of sitting in the back of Uncle Ben’s car. He had kept his head down, the helmet dangling from his arm, and clutched his skateboard close to his chest. He was terrified of someone trying to steal it from him. The second he stepped out of the subway, he started to regret coming here. If Ben found out he lied to May about where he was going, Peter would be grounded for the rest of his life. Worse than that, he would have disappointed them. He never wanted to disappoint anyone.

The front door to the building was propped open with a cinder block so he didn’t have to ring her unit to get inside. There was a hole shattered through the glass that resembled too similarly to a bullet hole for his liking. Peter shivered at the thought of his friend living here. This was not the fairy tale castle she liked to pretend she lived in.

Peter quietly entered inside, his heart beating faster, like he was stepping into someplace he wasn’t allowed. The yellowed wallpaper was peeling off the walls and there were dark stains over the carpet. He didn’t want to inspect those too closely in case they were old blood stains. The air smelled thick with mildew. First floor, apartment 1F, he repeated in his head. Her wooden door was cracked with splinters. It looked like it had been painted a shade of a deep red once but was now faded and scuffed. He gave a quick knock, hoping it would be her who answered.

It took a few moments before a man opened the door. He towered over Peter, taking up most of the door frame. He had a large, hairy pot belly that stuck out from under his wife beater shirt and a scraggly brown beard peppered with grays. Peter scrunched up his nose at the smell that hit him. He smelled heavily of cigarettes, sweat, and alcohol. The scent was so strong it was making his eyes water. He was fairly certain this must be her father. He couldn’t remember if she ever told him her dad’s name.

“What do you want?” He spoke in a gruff, tired voice.

Peter straightened up and smiled at him to cover his anxious fear, “Hi, I’m Peter. Can I come in to see your daughter? I’m her best friend. She hasn’t been at school for a while so I thought I could give her some homework that she missed.” The lie fell out of his mouth without thinking. He had nothing else on him besides his skateboard and helmet. It was obvious he wasn’t carrying any extra homework with him.

Her father snorted, letting out a loud cough without covering his mouth. Specs of foul smelling spit showered down over Peter. He did his best not to flinch or grimace.

“Hell no. She knows she’s not allowed to hang out with boys. Don’t want her getting knocked up early like her momma. She don’t need no homework, anyway. She’s too dumb for that shit. What’s the point of even sendin’ her to school, ya know? Waste of damn time. Git outta ‘ere kid and don’t fucking come back.”

From under the man’s right arm, Peter saw her peek her head around the hallway to see who was at the door. Her eyes lit up when she saw him. On her arm was a large, bent, white cast that went from her wrist all the way up to her shoulder. He couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her. She was alive. She wasn’t dead. Relief flooded through his chest.

Her father must have seen his attention diverted and he glanced behind him, letting out a booming yell, making them both jump, “Get back to your room! I didn’t say you could come out! When are you goin’ to learn to fuckin’ listen, you dumb bitch?”

She ducked back into the hallway, out of sight, and the door was immediately slammed shut in Peter’s face. He stared at the cracking paint as a long breath of air exhaled through his lips. He hadn’t realized he had been holding his breath the entire time. Something about her dad made his palms feel clammy and his stomach feel sick. He immediately hated that man. All it took was a fifty second conversation for Peter to make up his mind. That man wasn’t anything like Uncle Ben or the vague memories of his own father. That was a bad man. No one had to tell him, he could feel it. A very bad man.

He wanted to run home and cry to his uncle. He wanted to tell him about how this man spoke to his friend. He wanted to tell him that he was hurting her. He wanted Ben to know so he could fix it.

But then he would know that Peter lied to May. He would be in trouble.

What if Uncle Ben came to this house? What if he met her father? What would her father do to him? What if he hurt him like he hurt her? What if he killed him? He didn’t want Ben to die.

His stomach ached.

She liked to make up stories about the big, bad giant that would keep the princess hostage in his tower. He would lock her up and throw away the key. Sometimes the giant would hurt the princess whenever he was angry. Peter would always play as the knight who came and rescued her. He would save the princess from any giant that wanted to take her away. This afternoon, as he stood staring at her closed door, the skateboard clutched in his hands turned into a sword. He would bash down the door, stab the giant through the heart, and steal his princess back to safety. In his mind, he was the hero who saved her. In reality, he swallowed the lump in his throat, a heavy pit settling in his stomach, and he shuffled back out the door without another word about what he witnessed.

He was starting to think that maybe her stories weren’t all make believe after all.

Sixth Grade: Star Gazing

“That’s the Big Dipper right there!” She pointed up above them.

They were sitting in his driveway on the hood of Uncle Ben's mustard colored Oldsmobile and reclining back against his bug splattered windshield. Night had fallen around them and a handful of dull stars blossomed up to speckle the navy blue sky.

“Or maybe it’s the Little Dipper. I can never remember which one is which.”

Peter didn’t think there were actually enough stars visible to be able to point out a constellation but he didn’t dare correct her. For all he knew, her vision was far superior to his. Besides, he liked to hear her talk. She doesn't talk very much these days. He missed the sound of her voice.

“The Big Dipper isn’t even the full constellation,” she went on to tell him. “It’s actually part of Ursa Major, which is a big bear.”

He noticed her interest in the stars had peeked this year. He wondered if it had anything to do with her desire to fly away. When she looked up in the night sky, did she wish to find a new home hidden amongst the stars?

Peter wanted to please her. He wanted to make her happy.

“I have an idea,” he whispered with enthusiasm, hoping she would appreciate it. “Let’s each pick a star and name it after ourselves. We can make our own constellations out of it.”

He heard her give a quick inhale. It was the most excitement she would allow herself to show but he knew it meant that she loved his idea. Pride swelled in his chest.

“I choose that one,” she pointed, without hesitation, up to a pin prick of light hovering above a tree branch. There weren’t many stars to choose from but it didn’t matter. She found the one she wanted. “That’s my star. It’s the tip of the nose to a dragon. Big and strong. She blows fire out of her mouth at anyone who tries to mess with her. She’s not afraid of anything or anyone.”

Peter had the sudden itch to reach over and hold her hand. The tip of his pinky finger brushed up next to hers, subtle enough to seem like an accident, but he knew the truth. When she didn’t pull away, he kept his hand resting there.

“I’ll pick that one,” he gestured to a random, faint star near the one she chose, with the hand not begging to be held. “It will make a castle constellation. Big enough for the dragon to come inside whenever she needs to rest. Maybe it can be her home. That way me and you can live together in the stars forever.”

From the corner of his eye, he saw her smile.

“I like that idea.”

Seventh Grade: Cotton Candy Crushes

“Hurry up!” Peter yelled over his shoulder as she trailed behind him.

Her thirteenth birthday was supposed to be special. She was finally a teenager and leaving childhood behind. At least, that’s what Uncle Ben told him a month before on Peter’s own thirteenth birthday. It was supposed to be special because it meant they were finally growing up. He didn’t feel very grown up but he liked to pretend. Part of pretending to be a responsible teenager was planning her entire party for her. He knew if he didn’t do it then she wouldn’t get one. Both his aunt and uncle were in attendance as he led the three stragglers down the pier straight towards Coney Island. It was a small group to celebrate but he knew she wouldn’t want anyone else beside them there. His family was her family and everyone wanted to celebrate her. They didn’t have any other friends anyway.

“We’re coming, Peter! Not everyone has the same amount of energy as you. Some of us are getting old,” Ben chuckled, his arm wrapped around May’s shoulders, as they brought up the rear.

Peter slowed his pace only long enough to allow her to catch up and then kept in stride beside her. She had a growth spurt earlier this year. Now she was about a head taller than he was. It made him nervous because he was afraid she wouldn’t like him anymore if he stayed short. Despite his aunt’s assurance that girls often started puberty faster than boys, he was certain he was destined to stay at this height forever.

He also took notice that she started growing in other places. He tried his best not to stare at her chest when they were together but sometimes he couldn’t help it. It was like he would go into a trance and not be able to pull his eyes away. Even with a face full of acne, she was the most beautiful girl he ever saw.

She glanced down at him and stuffed her hands deeper into her sweatshirt sleeves. Her shoulders hunched in embarrassment.

“What? Is there something on my face?” She quickly rubbed her hand over her mouth as if she was worried she missed some leftover tooth paste.

Peter’s ears turned red, “No! You look great! I mean…you look fine…not fine but you look…normal…like you normally do…which is good…”

She grabbed her hood and flopped it over her head, pulling the strings tight to encase her face, clearly embarrassed, “Stop looking at me then. I didn’t say you could look at me.”

He immediately turned his eyes straight ahead, “Sorry. I wasn’t looking. Well, I was, but I don’t know why.” He quickly changed the subject, dragging Ben into the awkward conversation as an attempt to save himself from drowning any further. “Are you going to go on any rides, Uncle Ben?”

He smiled, “I think I might convince your aunt to get on the carousel with me. We can pretend we’re kids again.”

May shook her head, “I don’t know about that. I don’t think I can spin like I used to.”

“It goes so slow though. You’ll be fine,” Peter chimed in. As he spoke, he kept his friend locked in the side of his gaze. Her shoulders had relaxed once more and the sides of her lips twitched into a tiny smile. He let out a soft sigh of relief for navigating them out of whatever weird, uncomfortable banter they had fallen to. He felt like that was happening a lot more lately.

“Let’s go on the swings first!” It was the real reason he wanted to bring her here. Her childhood days of losing herself on the swingset were behind them but he knew she would appreciate that feeling of flying once more. He had this vision of her tilting her head back, hair flying in the gust of the wind behind her, as she closed her eyes and let her mind fly free. Peter wanted to give her every bit of comfort he could, especially today. It was her birthday and she deserved to get lost in it.

Swings, carousels, tilt-a-whirl, wooden coasters, overpriced carnival games, junk food, and many laughs.

His heart even nearly gave out when she reached for his hand during the drop of the coaster. Her palms were sweaty and she fit so nicely locked in his grasp. He wanted to protect her. Wrap an arm around her. Keep her forever. Tell her how much he adored her. He held on tightly to her hand until she took notice and quickly pulled back, placing them on the bar instead.

Now, as they sat with their shoes off and feet buried in the sand next to the pier, watching the sunset, Peter passed her his stick of pink, fluffy cotton candy. She plucked off a piece and stuffed it in her mouth, giggling at how it stuck to her lips.

He loved her. He didn’t care if he was too young to understand what love meant. He loved her.

When she took her eyes off the sunset to stare back at him, instead of becoming flustered like earlier in the day, she only smiled back. Pink coated, sugary lips as sweet as her.

He wanted to kiss her.

But the fear of rejection was too strong.

He stuck out his tongue to tease her and snatched back his cotton candy, the moment lost to time.

High School - Sophomore Year: Not Today

Gwen Stacey.

The girl of his dreams.

She was beautiful, intelligent, kind and quick witted. Her 70’s chic style of clothing was unlike anyone else in the school. She didn’t care what others thought of her. She was strong and confident. She was perfect. That’s how he would describe her to anyone who asked. Perfection.

“You’re staring again, dumbass.”

The familiar snarky tone broke through his daydreams.

He pulled his sights away from the golden haired beauty sitting across the lunch room and turned them onto a different one instead.

Then there was her.

She wasn’t perfect. Far from it. She was broken. Sullen. Quiet. She never spoke to anyone else besides him. Never even tried to make other friends. But she was just as intelligent as Gwen. Smart but sad. He noticed that more and more. As the years went on, she lost more of the spark in her eyes. She retreated further into herself. Away from him. Away from everyone.

He sensed jealousy in her tone whenever he talked about his crush on Gwen. She was afraid to lose him. Afraid that he would leave her behind on her own. Without him, she would have no one. He knew that.

Peter forced a tired smile, lying, “I wasn’t staring.”

He used to stare at her that way when they were younger. Funny how time works. He didn’t see her like that anymore. Not really. Her personality shift since entering high school helped push his sights onto someone new. He missed who used to be before she walled herself in and blocked him out.

“Whatever you say, fuckin’ lover boy,” she rolled her eyes, giving him a scowl. She felt meaner than usual today. Irritated. On edge.

He wondered if something had happened. He had stopped asking about her home life years ago. It was a lost cause. He knew she was getting bullied at school, probably at home too. There were a myriad of reasons for her bad attitude.

He chose not to dig deeper.

She needed an outlet but he didn’t want to give her one. Not today. He was feeling meaner than usual, too.

Peter turned his gaze back to Gwen.

She was easier to look at. Softer. Happier. When he saw her, he didn’t have to see the years worth of baggage dragging behind her. There was just her and nothing else but his fantasies.

Perfection.

High School - Junior Year: Spider Bite

His body hurt.

Fire. He felt like liquid lava raged through his veins. His skin was clammy. Sweaty. His lungs constricted in agony with each breath. He could hear everything. Feel everything. Every hair was standing at attention. Every alarm in his head set off at once, alerting himself to dangers he couldn’t even see. Dangers he didn’t think were actually even there. Like having a panic attack for no apparent reason.

His body was eating him alive and, yet, he never felt stronger in his life.

The door to his bathroom lay propped up against his wall after he had accidentally ripped it from the hinges.

He sat perfectly still on his bed. Terrified to move.

There was a fluttering sound. Tiny, soft wings against a glass panel. Each smack of the wings reverberated like church bells inside his skull. A moth was stuck inside his room, trying to get out, trying to escape. He could hear it from his place on the bed. He could hear the flap of a moth’s wings. That was not normal.

Something was wrong.

He was sick.

He needed…a doctor…a scientist…an arachnologist…

His best friend. He needed his best friend.

Peter grabbed his jacket, getting it stuck to his fingers - why was everything so sticky? - as he tried to pry it from his grasp and onto his body instead.

He hadn’t been inside her apartment building since he was a kid. She never invited him. Sometimes he would walk her home but he stayed on the street corner until he saw her disappear inside. She moved apartments a few times but still remained inside the same building. He couldn’t remember which one she was in now. He knew she was back on the first floor though. That would be enough. Something told him that he would be able to find her regardless of his lack of knowledge.

Every sound of passing cars felt like his ear drums were being shattered. He could hear muffled conversations from people too far away. He could feel every drop of humidity on his skin. The putrid stench of garbage left on the street clawed up his nostrils. The smells, the sounds, the heat boiling inside his body was too much. Hot tears pricked at his eyes. He didn’t understand what was happening to him. The world was closing in. He couldn’t breathe. His throat constricted. His vision blurred. He was floating away. Getting lost in the overwhelming sensations of the city.

Then he smelled it.

Her body lotion.

The faint smell of coconut as she applied it to her skin.

From an entire block away.

Peter picked up the pace until he was nearly sprinting towards the smell. He didn’t need to know which apartment was hers. It didn’t matter. He could hear her inside. Her steady heart beat. Her soft breaths. He’d never felt her so viscerally before. It felt like she was merging with his every cell. Drawing him closer. Calling him to her.

His safety. Everything would be okay once he was with her. Everything would make sense again. She would know what to do. She always did.

The tears streamed freely down his face as he turned the corner, down the alley, to the back of her building. She was three windows in. Metal bars fixed over every window on the first floor. Her own little prison cell. He could smell the thick odor of rust as he grabbed the bars in his fist, ripping them straight from her window with little effort. He heard her gasp. No screams. Just a shocked inhale. She never screamed. Never showed her fear. She kept it bottled up inside the safety of her chest.

The rapid quiver of her beating heart slowed when she saw his face appear through the grimy glass. Her eyes were wide with shock. Confusion. He didn’t care. Peter pushed the window open. It had probably never been opened in its life, painted over countless times, but he forced it to bend to his will. He crawled through. Head first. Tumbled onto the floor in a heap.

And then she was there.

He was lying at her feet. Curled up tight. Tears spilling down his flushed cheeks. Jittery uncertainty behind fearful, honey colored eyes. He didn’t understand what was happening to him. A scared, little boy seeking the comfort of a life long friend.

She fell to her knees in front of him, ignoring the fact that he had just ripped metal bars from the bricks, and gathered him to her chest like a mother protecting her young. She didn’t need to know what was wrong. She didn’t need an explanation. All she knew was that he needed her. She held him tightly, there on the floor, under her broken window.

He relaxed into the safety of her grasp. Ragged, husky sobs shaking his body. It would be okay. Everything would be okay now. They could figure this out. Whatever this was. Together.

Even as he thought it, she whispered the words to reassure him. To make sure he knew.

“It’s okay, Pete. I’ve got you. You’re safe. You’re okay. I have you.”

A Week Before She Left: Nothing but Death

Gwen Stacy was dead.

George Stacy was dead.

Uncle Ben was dead.

He couldn’t save anyone. There was nothing. Nothing but grief. Nothing but hate. His heart had turned cold. Empty. Shriveled.

He looked down at the letter clutched in his hands. May had taken it from her as an act of courtesy and slid it under his bedroom door.

Pete,

You can find me at the Empire State Uni off campus apartment housing. Building 5. Room 212. I’ve got two roommates but I have my own bedroom.

My window will always be unlocked for you if you ever need me.

Come find me when you’re ready.

Love,

Your Fire Breathing Dragon

She kept knocking at his front door. Day after day. Kept trying to come inside. Kept trying to get him. He wouldn’t let her. Couldn’t. He refused to let anyone else die.

He was no knight in shining armor riding into an imaginary battle with his dragon. He wasn’t someone who could save her. He wasn’t her friend. Not anymore. The boy she knew was gone.

He was a murderer. A killer.

He wouldn’t kill her. The best thing for her was for him to disappear. Erase himself from her life. Fade away in the darkness where he belonged.

He crumbled the letter in his fist, letting it fall to the floor by his feet, along with the shredded dreams of his future.

Eight Months Since She Left: A Decaying Corpse

How many slutty blondes could Peter Parker fuck in a single week?

Eleven. That was his current score. Last night he had two at once. He buried his face between one’s thighs while the other sucked him off. No one tasted as good as Gwen. No one looked as beautiful naked. No one could ever come close.

Except for maybe one.

Peter pushed that thought out of his brain as quickly as it entered. She was gone. They both were. She died along with Gwen. That’s how he tried to frame it in his head. Somehow it was easier to accept. If he killed her off in his heart then he wouldn’t be tempted to find her. He couldn’t follow the dead.

No matter how badly he tried.

These women he surrounded himself with were nothing but a distraction. Half the time he couldn’t even finish. He could fuck them until they couldn’t stand but rarely found his own satisfaction in it. That was how he liked it. The more rough they let him be, the better. A sadistic side to him had formed these past few months. Part of him wanted to hurt them. Truly hurt them. They meant nothing to him. He liked to see how far he could push them, how hard he could slap them, how loud he could make them shriek before it became too much for them to handle. He wanted to push them past the limits they thought they had to show them how much they could really take. A test of their strength, of their will to live, how far they could go before tapping out.

Once he choked a woman so tightly, he almost couldn’t stop. For a moment he wanted to feel his fingernails break through the barrier of her delicate skin and sink into the viscera of her insides. He wanted to tear her vocal chords from her neck. He wanted to feel her blood soaking into his skin. He wanted to kill her. She didn’t deserve to live. Why did she get to live while Gwen had to die? What did she do to deserve this life?

It had taken everything in him to pull back. Before she could even fully catch her breath again, he was gone. Naked. Lost into the night. Didn’t even stop to grab his clothes.

He didn’t know the person he had become.

He wasn’t eating. Wasn’t sleeping.

He had killed more bad guys this month than the month before. His body count was rapidly rising. It didn't matter what they did. Rapists, killers, and bank robbers were all the same in his eyes. No crime was less than the one before. They all got the finality of death. He didn’t care. The friendly neighborhood Spider-Man no longer existed. He died along with the old Peter. If the police thought he was a menace before, he was now actively wanted. A warrant was out for the arrest of the Spider-Man. Had been for some time. They would never catch him, of course. He’d snatch their life from them before he let anyone take him in. It wouldn’t be the first time he had a cop’s blood on his hands.

A vigilante turned villain.

A decaying corpse of the man he once was.

Nine Months Since She Left: We’re All Dead

“Where the hell have you been?”

May sat in the dark at the kitchen table. It was 3am. She was still awake. She usually never waited up for him anymore. He thought she had stopped asking questions months ago.

Peter stood in loose fitting, dirty clothes. Fresh blood dripped down his chin from his split open lip. His right eye was starting to swell shut. He refused to look at her as he gave a half-hearted shrug.

“Out.”

“Out? It is three in the goddamn morning, Peter!” Her voice was shrill. She was masking her fear for him with anger. “This is the fifth time this week you have disappeared like this. Do you understand how worried I get? You come crawling home every night covered in more bruises than I keep track of. Where are you going? What are you doing? Who is doing this to you?”

He swallowed. His throat felt dry. He wished he could feel the familiar pang of guilt he used to feel whenever he would upset May. Instead, he felt nothing because there was nothing. He was nothing. A corpse.

“I said I was out. I’m not a child anymore. You don’t need to wait up. I can take care of myself.”

He pushed past her towards the stairs, making the climb to his bedroom. She followed closely behind him.

“You think you can take care of yourself? Look at you, Peter! You are wasting away into nothing! I can’t find you behind your eyes anymore. It’s like there is nothing left inside of you. You need help. Let me help you, please. I can’t keep sitting around watching you slowly kill yourself. I can’t lose you, too. You are my boy and I refuse to let you continue down this path.”

An angry beast raged inside his chest as he stopped dead in his tracks and spun around to growl in her face, “I am not your boy! I am not your son! My parents are dead with the rest of everyone else I ever gave a shit about! Ben is dead. Gwen is dead. You’re dead.” His eyes fell to an old picture of his friend hanging on his bedroom wall. They were kids. Smiling with arms wrapped each other’s necks. “She’s dead. I’m dead. Everyone is dead, May. Don’t you understand? Everyone is dead and there’s nothing left. I have no one! I am nothing. I don’t exist.” His bottom lip quivered but no tears formed. He had lost the ability to cry long ago.

Her face broke in anguish, “Oh, honey.” Her voice was nothing more than a hushed whisper. “Oh, Peter.” She tried to wrap him up in an embrace but he pulled back.

He shook his head, looking at her through pained, dead eyes, “I think it would be best if I moved out.”

He closed the door in her face before she could reply.

“Peter?”

He didn’t remember coming here.

After his run in with May, he had started emptying out his drawers. He hadn’t known what he was looking for. Probably nothing. He just needed to be doing something. Anything. He had thrown his dresser drawers open and flung out his clothes. They lay scattered at his feet. Papers from his desk slowly fluttered back to the ground as he tossed them over his shoulder. A tantrum. That’s what he was reduced to. A tantrum where he needed to destroy everything he touched.

And then her crumbled letter was somehow in his hand. His last contact with her. He didn’t even know he had kept it.

You can find me at the Empire State Uni off campus apartment housing. Building 5. Room 212.

His safety. His best friend. He had abandoned her. She wasn’t dead, just forgotten. He had killed her in his mind to make the separation easier. He was protecting her. He was keeping her safe. He didn’t want her to die. He couldn’t lose her. He couldn’t bury another person he loved.

My window will always be unlocked for you if you ever need me.

“Peter?”

He blinked, his mask was on. He was in his Spider suit. He didn’t remember putting it on. He didn’t remember how he got here.

Come find me when you’re ready.

He reached up to pull the mask from his head. His eyes bore into her. He wasn’t sure if she was real or not. He couldn’t feel her living inside his senses like he used. They had become so dull since Gwen died.

“What are you doing here?” She looked nervous like she was encountering a ghost.

Maybe she was.

His voice felt like a distant echo in his ears as he spoke, “I didn’t know where else to go.”

Summer: Why?

Her roommates hated him.

He could hear them constantly bitching about his presence through the walls. He was a dark cloud of depression hanging over their apartment.

It only got worse after he fucked them. Not at the same time. Separate occasions. He thought it might shut them up for a bit but, once they found out he was sleeping with them both, all hell broke loose.

They were screaming at each in the next room.

Somehow she had gotten involved in the mess, too. He hadn’t intended for that but there was no stopping it now. They were yelling at her for letting him live here without paying rent. He didn’t even go to their school. They felt betrayed and used and they weren’t wrong. A man whore. That’s what they were currently calling him.

A malicious smile grew across his lips as he laid in her bed, staring up at the ceiling. He liked the chaos that he caused. He wanted her roommates gone. Peter knew exactly what he was doing. He wanted her for himself. All they did was complain anyway. They never liked her. They made fun of her behind her back. They didn’t like her anymore than they liked him.

Once they were gone it would all be okay again.

They could go back to how things used to be. Just the two of them against the world. Two kids, with no other friends, clinging to each other as tight as they could.

Her bedroom door opened. Her eyes were puffy. She was trying not to cry. For the first time in a long time, he felt the sharp slashing of guilt slice through his heart. An overwhelming sadness washed over him. It had been so long since he felt anything besides anger or bitterness. His jaw clenched as he sat up, mulling over the new emotions bubbling under his skin.

“Why did you do that? Why are you doing this?” She asked weakly.

Why am I taking advantage of your kindness by having you house me for free? Why am I letting you take care of me without giving you anything in return? Why am I sleeping with your roommates? Why am I sleeping with them instead of you? Why am I torturing you like this?

“I…I don’t know,” he replied.

He knew how she felt about him. He could see it in her eyes. He knew that look. He’d seen it in Gwen’s eyes once upon a time. She loved him. More than a friend. More than family.

Maybe she always had.

He’d always loved her. Even when he loved Gwen.

He couldn’t love her though. Not like she deserved. That part of him was gone.

She sighed and wiped the tears from her eyes, a steady resolve settling over her, “They’re pulling out of our student housing next semester. I’m not going to have anyone to live with. You need to enroll in the school. It’ll qualify you for housing. We can move in together. I want to see it done by next week or else I’m done. I can’t do this, Peter. I took care of you all summer. You hardly speak to me, you don’t look at me, you give me nothing. I do everything for you because I know you’re hurting but this is enough. Enroll in the school, Pete. Get your life together. Try and make something of yourself. It’s time.”

Early Fall: Triggers

School was easy. It always has been. This was no different. He understood the lessons and could pass the tests, he merely struggled to attend the classes or pay attention. No one seemed to mind too much as long as he was passing. He wasn’t doing this for him. He was doing it for her.

Little by little his feelings started to unthaw from their frozen state. College gave him a taste of normalcy back. There was a schedule to follow, whether he chose to or not. There was food always available and safe places to find silence when he needed to. He hadn’t spoken to May since he left but he kept telling himself one of these days he would reach out.

He was trying to mend what shred of friendship he had left. She was very forgiving of him despite everything he put her through. Every day he saw the love in her eyes grow stronger. It scared him. Two steps forward, one step back. He wanted to keep her close but still hold her at arm's length. She couldn’t love him. He wasn’t ready for that.

He would keep their conversations based on easier things. School work, Spider-Man, any lighthearted topics that involve little effort. Spider-Man was getting back to his old self, too. Peter hadn’t killed anyone since he found his way back to her, inadvertently or not. She was building new gadgets for him. Part of him felt like he was back in high school, popping by her bedroom window for a drink of water before swinging back into the night. It was nice. Familiar.

Tonight she sat cross-legged on the couch, a pint of Ben and Jerry’s in her hand, as she watched Hook.

“I haven’t seen this movie since I was a kid,” he lamented.

Peter hopped over to her and plopped down beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. She happily snuggled into his side. It felt right having her there. She scooped up a spoonful of the chocolate chip cookie dough and held it up to his mouth which he gladly accepted.

“Do you ‘member what you asked the first time we met?” He asked her through his mouthful of ice cream.

She frowned, trying to remember. The top of her nose wrinkled in concentration then relaxed, shaking her head, “No idea. I was, like, six years old or something. How do you remember that?”

He smiled down at her, “You asked me if I was named after Peter Pan.”

“Sounds like something a child would ask. He was the only other Peter I knew.”

He nodded, pondering it over, “I told you that I wasn’t because I couldn’t fly.”

“Look at you now,” she laughed. “I think swinging through the city is the closest you’ll ever come to flying. You almost got there.”

His smile faded, only part of her words still ringing in his ears while the rest was drowned out. Look at him now. Look at him. Who was he? Nobody. Who did he want to be? Nothing. Why was he alive? Because he was too weak to take his own life. What was his purpose? There wasn’t one. What was he doing here? Hurting her.

He was hurting her. His abilities to feel proper emotions were still miniscule. They weren’t thawing out as fast as he would have liked. He was still cold too. Too mean. Too selfish. His mere presence in her life would only ever drag her down.

Rufio was fighting Captain Hook. Going one on one with their world’s most dangerous pirate. Too cocky for his own good. Too young for the responsibility he was given. The Lost Boys looked to Rufio when Pan left them. He was placed in charge. He was given too much power, too young. Got too full of himself. Thought he could defeat the evil without any consequences. It would be his downfall.

Peter’s eyes stayed trained onto the television, utterly absorbed in the story playing out before him. His own emotions started to spiral. He could feel the panic rising up his throat. Snuffing out his air. He knew what was coming next. He knew how this story ended.

“Lookie, lookie, I got Hookie.”

His eyes slipped close. He couldn’t do it. Couldn’t watch the sword pierced through his chest.

“Do you know what I wish? I wish I had a dad like you.”

He wished he could turn back time. He wished he could have been faster. Stronger. Better.

Pan held Rufio in his arms as the young boy died, the life fading from his eyes, just like he had held Gwen. Forever young. Frozen in time.

Even the giant clock lodged between the crocodile’s toothy jaws reminded him of her final moments. Tick…tick…tick…her time was lost.

Peter blinked through half spaced out eyes, straightening up, and removed his arm from around her shoulders. They shouldn’t be cuddling like this. This was how couples sat. This was how he used to sit with Gwen. He was giving her the wrong impression. He wasn’t helping her. He was being a bad friend. Always hurting her.

“You okay?” She glanced between the scene playing and himself. She could sense his coldness settling back in around them.

He gave a stiff nod, forcing a half smile, “Yeah. I’m alright. I think I’m going to go out for a bit. I’ll see ya later, yeah?”

He needed to find someone. A blonde. Someone skinny with a pretty face. He needed to find them and dominate them. He needed them screaming so loud as he relentlessly pounded into them that she would hear. He had to show her that he wasn’t interested. He had to crush her love. That love would only lead to death. He couldn’t do that again. He wouldn’t bury her. He wouldn’t. Not to her. Never her.

Late Fall: A New Seed

It worked. Whatever depression fueled scheme he had come up with to stop her from loving him, it was working, he was fairly certain. She seemed distant. He knew he was breaking her but he couldn’t stop. It had to be this way. How could he ever love someone again? It would shatter him in two if he even dared to entertain the idea. The further he pushed her away, the more she overtook his thoughts.

Every time he plunged into a woman, he pretended it was her. Every late night session with his right hand was fueled by his desires for her. Every time he closed his eyes to sleep, she was the subject of his dreams. He breathed her in with every breath he took.

She was so beautiful.

She always had been but, the more she matured into an adult, the more in sync everything felt on her face. It was like she fell perfectly into place.

Sometimes when he looked at her, he felt like he was eight years olds again, falling in love with her on the swings.

The object of his desires. The one he wanted. The one he refused to reach out for time and time again. Only this time he wasn’t afraid of being rejected from a kiss. He was afraid of death. Afraid of the pain that would follow.

His whole life she had been his. She never had anyone else. He never had to share. He made her have to share him but never the other way around.

Until now.

It was only a matter of time until someone finally saw her the way he did. He was surprised it hadn’t happened sooner. The guy seemed nice enough. She lit up when he looked at her. A tiny spark of fire blazed behind her eyes with each word she spoke to him. There was something there. A seed being planted. One that could grow if she let it. He planted a seed and started to nurture it with someone else once. She should be able to do the same.

Gabe.

Gwen.

This was what she deserved. To be loved by a nice man. Someone who would cherish her. Someone to see her potential. Someone to care about her.

Someone with the ability to love. Anyone but Peter would do, he couldn’t give her what she needed.

Then why couldn’t he stay away?

He saw them together and his heart screamed out. His skin seared with heated inferno. Green with envy.

Gabe. Gwen. Gwen. Gabe. Their faces flashed rapidly before his blurred vision. Gabe. Gwen. Gabe. Gwen. GabeGwenGabeGwenGwenGwen -

Her.

He couldn’t lose her. Not like this. He couldn’t watch her disappear from him with another man. Is that how she felt all those years ago as he fixated on Gwen in the lunch room instead of her? Is this what her heart felt like when she looked at him? No wonder why she used to be so fucking mean. If her heart felt anything close to what he currently felt, it was a miracle she was able to keep herself so composed.

Drawn to her like a magnet, he couldn’t control himself. He had to follow them. It wasn’t an option. His feet carried him straight to the shadows of the underpass.

Gabe didn’t know her like he did. He didn’t play make believe with her. He didn’t pass notes with her in class. He didn’t devote his life to being her best friend. He didn’t know about her father or how she grew up. He never had to kill her off in his mind to even bear the thought of letting her go. They never manifested themselves into constellations so they could live together, forever, amongst the stars.

He wasn’t there like Peter was. Peter knew her. Every part of her. So deeply.

They were kissing. He was kissing her. She was kissing him back.

The earth crumbled under his feet.

He should be able to let her go. This was what he was trying to do. This was exactly why he was trying to push her away. This was his stupid plan. He had wanted her to move on. Anyone but him. Anyone…

Then why couldn’t he stop himself?

Like a jealous, angry, cocky boy given too much power before he was ready to fully bear the weight of it, he had tased her date and got him sent away in an ambulance.

Just like that he was gone.

Disappeared from their lives as quickly as he came in.

Nothing but the two of them now.

Like it always had been. Like it always will be.

She was furious. Livid. But, worst of all, she was heartbroken. Completely and wholly heartbroken.

“He made me feel special. He looked at me like I was beautiful. Why couldn’t you let me have that? Just once. Just once I wanted to feel like someone could love me. You gotta have that so why couldn’t I?”

She was beautiful even through her pain.

The city lights reflected off the water beside them and bounced back up onto her face. They glinted like tiny sparkles off the tears in her eyes.

He hurt her.

He broke her heart.

His best friend.

His only friend.

Peter closed his eyes, letting her words wash over him and absorb into his pores. She had never once felt beautiful before tonight. How he had failed her. All these years she had looked in the mirror and never saw what he did. All these years he had loved her and never dared to say it. She was right there in front of him and he had chosen someone else. Loved someone else. He was the one who broke her. The one who abandoned her. The one who exploited her generosity and friendship.

What had he become?

He let himself die with Gwen when he should have kept living for the person who needed him most.

“I love you,” the words he spoke were hardly above a whisper.

They fell from his lips with a raw honesty he wasn’t used to. Pained like it hurt to physically say them.

He loved her. Always.

Even still, she couldn’t comprehend how true his words were. That’s how deeply he had failed her.

“No. You’re not hearing me.” He reached for her then. He couldn’t stop himself. The emotions were too strong. He touched her cheek. Softly turning her face towards him, “I love you. I’ve loved you since the day you fell off those monkey bars in the first grade. I just…it was just too much. I was scared if it didn’t work out then I would lose you from my life forever. I’d rather keep you as my friend where you’re safe with me forever. But after Gw-” He still couldn’t say her name out loud. His heart stung. “-after everything, I don’t want to have anymore what ifs or what could have been. I saw you with that guy and it made me realize. Everything snapped into place. I love you. I don't want you to be with someone else. I want you to be with me.”

She was kissing him.

Her lips were chilly. Soft. Her tongue warm and wet. A perfect blend to awake his senses. He felt alive. For the first time since allowing parts of him to perish, he was reborn. Awake. Whole.

His arms were around her waist. Drawing her closer. He could smell the soft, lingering scent of coconut on her skin. The smell was as familiar to him as May’s light, floral perfume and the musty backseat of Ben’s Oldsmobile. One he could never forget. His home. His childhood. His everything.

He loved her.

He wanted her.

He…

Gwen’s face exploded into vibrant color behind his eyes.

…couldn’t do this.

Peter gently pulled away.

Her fist was balled up in her sleeve and pressed against the infamous spider symbol on his chest. Her eyes fluttered open. They gazed up at him with years of unexpressed love. She was too pure. Too good.

He gave her a sad smile, “I’ve thought you were beautiful my entire life. I’m sorry I never told you sooner. I should have told you every single day. But…this…” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, preparing himself. “I’m a broken man. I’m not okay. I’m not done healing. I don’t even think I’ve started. What I did tonight proves that. You are the most special person in my life. I’m sorry I keep hurting you. My head, it's…it’s not right…after everything…I’ve done terrible things. Things you deserve to know about before you choose me. I can’t steal you away like this. You deserve to make the choice yourself. After you know everything. When I’m done, whatever you want, I’ll do it. If you want me to drop you off at the hospital to see Gabe, I’ll do it. If you want to never see me again, I’ll go. If you want to keep me, I’ll stay. Everything is in your hands. It’s where it belongs.”

She stayed silent. Listening. Processing.

And nodded.

There’s no good way to tell the person he loves about all the people he’s killed. It didn’t matter if they were bad guys, he was no better than them, he killed them quick and swift before the cops could arrive. There had been no more cute notes stuck to a webbed up, squirming criminal. Instead, all they’d arrive to was a bloody, broken, still warm corpse. If they were dead, there was no chance they could ever hurt anyone again. There was no more chance of anyone innocent crossing paths with the danger they brought. He gave them no chance for redemption and he felt no guilt for them or their lost lives.

He couldn’t look her in the eyes when talking about the sexual abuse he inflicted on his sex partners. Most of the time they asked for it, agreed to it, but there were times when he went too far. Times they weren’t always asking to be slapped around that hard. Times he had lost himself. Times he wished they were dead. For them, he felt guilt. A deep-seated cavern full of it. He’d rather be ripped apart, limb by limb, than explain in detail how far he fell after Gwen’s death and witness the horror etched into her features.

But he did it.

Because she deserved to hear it. All of it. Every dark monster lurking deep behind his closet door. He ripped open his chest and presented her his bloodied, broken heart without anything to hide behind.

She cried. He cried. The tears felt foreign in his eyes but she had held his hand and he willed them to fall. It was a mess but they came out the other end more in sync than when they entered.

A start.

A new seed being planted in fresh, overturned soil.

The love was there. Nervous and shy, hiding behind their legs like a scared child. It needed time to grow, to blossom, before it was ready to stand on its own.

It was decided that Peter needed to focus on himself first. A relationship now would be too fragile. There was no foundation for them to build on if Peter was broken and cracked.

The anger couldn’t go away overnight. The shame and guilt lived on too strong to allow for much else. He’d have to pick away at the vines wrapped tight around his castle walls if he’d ever want to create a warm home for her to curl up inside.

Their conversation lasted all night. They hadn’t moved from their spot standing above the river. He stood directly over the place he had tased a man simply because he saw her kissing someone who wasn’t him. They hadn’t moved an inch. Night turned into day. Dark to light. The early morning work folk started to take to the streets. No one looked twice at the maskless Spider-Man leaning against the railing, dried tears on his face, next to the girl of his dreams. It was too early for anyone to care.

They watched the sun steadily rise over the buildings in silence.

They had been silent for a while now but neither one wanted to move. It was comfortable here, side by side, with everything laid bare. No more secrets. No more hiding.

“Therapy.”

She was the one to break first.

He blinked a few times to wash away the sleepy, mindless state he’d fallen into, “Hmm?”

“Therapy,” she repeated. “That’s what I chose for us. You are going to get therapy. Me too. We need it.” She let out a soft exhale. “Badly.”

Peter responded with a tired chuckle, “Therapy. I think I can manage that. Therapy, it is, then. That’s what we will do.”

She nodded in confirmation, “I want you to keep living with me. Keep our separate rooms. I want to keep being friends and supporting each other while we do this. But, Peter-” Her tone shifted into something more serious, her body shifted to face him. “I do not want to ever listen to you have sex with someone inside our apartment. I won’t ever sit through that again. I love you, you know that, and I will not be tortured with that shit anymore. In return, I won’t date anyone else until you’re ready. Not that I have a line of suitors waiting out the door anyway…”

The morning, golden sun highlighted the frizz that settled on top of her windblown hair after her stressful night.

He wasn’t ever planning on sleeping with anyone again unless it was her.

“And,” she continued. “I want you to visit Gabe with me to give him a proper apology. We both owe him that. He’s a good person. He deserves an explanation. Just, like, leave out the part where you’re Spider-Man and I created the Bug Zappers that nearly killed him.”

A lazy, crooked smile formed on his face, “Okay. Anything you say, I’ll do. Therapy, apologies, and abstinence.”

She mimicked his smile, the love never once fading from her eyes, “Only for now.”

One day, he would be able to give her everything she wanted. One day, she would be able to accept it.

One day but not today.

Today, they would walk arm and arm back to their home and fall asleep against each other on the couch. Today, they would skip classes and order in food. Today, they will be friends.

Tomorrow, they could be whatever they wanted. Tomorrow, he might even continue with the apologies and give May a call. He’d gone too long without speaking to her. Maybe they could visit. All three of them together. Like older times. Times when everything seemed less big. Less scary. Less real and final.

The future was theirs.

Peter nodded, reaching out to take her hand, “For now.”

i’m still #teamgabe

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littlelalaland · 2 years

Text

Attack on Titan Headcannons:

Levi-

- He’s actually great at Ice skating, he just doesn’t usually have any time to go. He will never tell anyone that he can skate either.

- After Erwins death, Levi vowed to never love someone ever again because the pain was unbearable.

- When Hange died, he decided not to get attached to people anymore; because they always seem to leave him anyways.

- When Levi was put in a wheelchair for life, instead of taking it like a retirement; he became suicidal

- Sometimes when he misses everyone, he asks for someone to push him to the beach; and he sits there, talking to everyone as the waves crash against the shore.

- Levi died young- around the age of 55-65, because he stuffered from a ton of physical and psychological damage that messed up his immune system.

Mikasa-

- Even After her marriage to Jean, Mikasa often has dreams about what life would’ve been like if she were with Eren instead. (Obv she doesn’t tell anyone this)

- Mikasa developed Anxiety after Eren’s death, and is a little over-protective of her children.

- She totally taught her kids to fight. (She beat up Jean as an example)

- When Armin became the new Commander of the Survey Corps, she only stayed for another year or two before leaving.

- Jean and Armin have forced Mikasa to go to a couple sessions of Therapy, and she traumatized the therapist instead.

-Mikasa has frequent Night terrors of having to cut off Eren’s head.

-Mikasa never grew her hair out because it reminded her of Eren.

-Mikasa hand washes her scarf often, because she’s afraid someone else will ruin it; and it means too much for her to lose it.

Armin-

- He was actually a great commander, because after the wars and Eren’s passing, He became more stern and less playful like he used to be.

- Armin still has the inner child in him, but he only lets it out with his S/O, and the other cadets that were with him when he was going through everything.

-He tends to have nightmares of when he became a burnt chicken nugget.

-He’s forced Mikasa to go to Therapy a couple of times; and it helped a little bit, but the therapist ended up traumatized too.

- He is still obsessed with the beach, and secretly he hopes that Levi can hear him from the other side when he talks to the water about how life is going on so far.

- He’s had a diary all along, and writes down everything into the book.

Eren-

- By season 4, since Eren was no longer able to show his emotions to anyone he trusted, he decided to write everything down in a Diary, since he’d read Armins and liked the idea.

- Eren was actually a very emotional person, but he shielded his heart in hopes that he could set everyone he loved free. Even if it killed him inside and out.

- Eren turned into a bird because a flying bird represents freedom, and his one goal that he managed to do wasn’t kill all titans, but rather see his people free. It was a representation of his spirit.

- Eren loved Mikasa too much to put into words, so even if it meant hurting her, he would do anything to keep her safe.

- He wrote down this on one page of the diary, “I wish I could tell everyone how sorry I am and how much I care about them, but it will ruin my mission. I know that Jean and I never got along, and I’m sure he hates me but; Mikasa, I really hope that you learn to love Jean. If anyone is worthy of your love, it’s him. Jean is a great guy, and when he looks at you, Mikasa, I can see it in his eyes. I hope that you understand that I’ve always loved you, so I need to give you Freedom. Even if it means we can never be together. Armin, Im sure you will be a great commander, but I hope the idea of sending people to their death doesn’t overtake his heart. I will miss you all, Eren.”

Jean-

- He was the one who opened Eren’s diary after his death; being petty and all- and began reading it out loud to Connie and Reiner because he was hoping to find something to tease his ‘Frenemy’ with after his death. Instead he ended up putting the book back and later crying alone in his room. He respected Eren the most after that incident. He told Connie and Flotch not to tell anyone about that.

- He did like Eren, but they argued a lot and was pissed about when he talked down on Mikasa the way he did.

- Jean had fallen in love with Mikasa in season one, and knew that Eren had her heart all the way; so when he found out that Eren wanted to give her heart to Jean because he trusted him after all of those years they seemed to hate each other, he couldn’t hold in his emotions.

- In order to protect Mikasa, Jean made sure to hide Eren’s diary and gave it to Armin for safe keeping. (Armin cried when he read the diary too.)

- Mikasa mean everything to Jean; she was his whole world, so he would commonly buy her gifts- and never asked for her to take off the scarf.

- Jean was actually really good at art, and would commonly paint pictures of his memories during his Survey corps. He would hang them in the walls of his house as memories of everyone, and had even managed to paint Sasha year one. That painting meant a lot to him.

Connie-

- Connie developed PTSD after the war was over, and left the Survey corps.

- He was pen pals with everyone after leaving, but he usually talked to Jean to see how his life with Mikasa was going.

- Connie was The Godfather of Jean’s kids

- Although Connie never liked returning back home, he did it regularly for holidays, and eventually rejoined the Survey corps.

- Connie sometimes went to see Levi, but Levi seemed to be getting really sick by the age 48.

- Sometimes at night, he would look up at the stars and talk to Sasha hoping that he could hear him. (Sasha never left him, and would listen to him speak to her as a ghost)

- Connie regularly left food out on his porch for the poor kids to eat, hoping that Sasha’s spirit would find him that way.

Annie-

- She ended up marrying Armin, but commonly avoided most of the new cadets in fear she would be judged.

- After leaving her Crystal, she was devastated to hear how many of her friends had died or changed.

- Annie taught Armin more about fighting, and in return, Armin would educate her in math and science.

- Armin would tell Annie stories about things that happened while she was in the Crystal, and Annie was always up to listen to them.

- Annie was still in the Survey corps, she was just too nervous to talk to most of the new cadets.

Gabi-

- Most days when she thinks about the titans, she remembers and regrets when she killed Sasha.

- Gabi goes to gun ranges to practice shooting, and lets out all of her emotions that way.

- Gabi joined the Survey corps at 15 under commander Armin, and became a proud Cadet in memory of Sasha.

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tatjana-fantasy · 5 months

Text

(Part 3)

My replay of The Quarry continues! Some thoughts (Chapter 4 + Chapter 5 + Chapter 6):

Part 1

Part 2

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

I think we all wonder why Jacob just didn’t make himself noticeable when approaching the campfire, so my theory is that he did in on purpose because he was afraid a loud noise would more likely attract unwanted attention … without realizing that sneaking to the campfire wasn’t exactly a smart idea either XD

I really love the scene with Emma vlogging and just spitting her thoughts out. It made me appreciate her character a lot more because I kinda get where she’s coming from, y’know? Admittedly, I haven’t had the heart to pick the mean dialogue options yet, but I like characters who speak about their feelings :)

And of course, the chase scene! It’s so freaking good and intense, I love it <3 <3 <3

I’m living for Ryan’s and Dylan’s interactions <3 I’m not only a fan of the “responsible vs foolish” dynamic, but actually like that they aren’t always in agreement with each other – to me, it’s more realistic than a couple who always gets along, y’know?

You know what, I’m not in the mood to get Emma infected here … (She was never infected in my first playthrough btw, but on replays, I always got her infected in this chapter so I could get Nobody’s Fool. Time to do it differently for a change!)

It sucks that Kaitlyn’s playable segments are so short :-/ While she at least gets a long exploration segment in the last (and determinantly, second-to-last) chapter, it still feels like she isn’t doing anything important in the first half of the game. Granted, she’s not the only victim here, but I still wish she would’ve had more to do. :-/

I wish Abi and Nick could change roles. That would be so cool, like a Balathu/Kurum scenario based on our choices :)

Quantum physics <3 <3 <3 Dylan Dylan <3 <3 <3 Ryan Ryan <3 <3 <3

Seriously though, this scene is so good. I think it was the first scene that made me realize just how much depth Dylan really has, and how many more things probably still lie under the surface. I love his character so much <3

Dylan’s radio message is pure perfection, of course. ^_^

“Yeah, I’ve heard of bears” will always make me laugh XD

“CUT IT OFF, CUT IT OFF!” – Nope :) I like to think that I would’ve made this choice on my first playthrough if I had gotten the scene at all.

NOT MY LITTLE KAYLEE NOT MY LITTLE KAYLEE NOT MY LITTLE KAYLEE – oh wait, wrong chapter. Still. Kaylee deserved to live :-( (I appreciate that The Quarry makes all other side characters savable, though. Even if it sometimes requires sacrifices.)

I said it before and I’ll say it again: Jacob’s and Emma’s interactions are wonderful ^_^ I enjoy their bickering quite a lot actually!

I really wish Abi wouldn’t be forced to shoot Nick. I lost her here on my first playthrough, just like many other players; it just doesn’t seem like a good idea to me to shoot and potentially kill another playable character!

Time to get Emma infected! You have no idea how much I’m looking forward to finally play the consequences ^_^

Oh hey, Laura! Long time no see! How have you been? Wait, don’t tell –

See you next time, then! I admit, I’m not looking forward to it …

#the quarry #the quarry replay

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fcntasmas-archive · 2 years

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This might seem weird, but I knew that Taylor and buck weren’t right for each other when he, through out much of their relationship, was kind of an alright bf lol. Following to Oklahoma aside, he wasn’t really Buck. He kind of was just there? And when looking back I was like oh yeah no if this was actually the relationship for him he wouldn’t be like this. He’s extra as hell and is a very bright and loud (not just like vocally but just personality) and he would not be able to shut up about the person he’s with but in like all the best ways. Like I do not agree with him cheating right because that’s such a shitty thing to do, but it really did show the fact that this was not it for him because Buck imo wouldn’t just do that to someone that he was all in for. So yeah kind of a rant. I used to really like Taylor before they started writing her weird lol. Like I wished she had stayed the bitchy reporter that they might run into from time to time. It also could’ve been that her and buck were kind of chill fwb and there were no feelings at all. Just physical attraction and that’s all it was 😂

ok these are all GREAT points and i agree and i want to address two things with comparison to abby (mostly bc she’s our only frame of reference here):

a) yes the cheating was shitty you are absolutely right!!! but i want to make it clear it also was very much used as a device to show the audience something was Not Right with buck and his relationship with taylor; i saw a lot of people calling it “out of character” (which is. a whole essay for another time lmao) but the truth is it was so obviously meant to be because the buck we know and love now, our buck 2.0+, would never cheat on someone he truly, really loves. and here we bring abby as an example: she wasn’t even there for the better part of a year, their communication was rocky and she was sending every signal that she’d ended things, and he still refused to cheat on her/find another romantic partner until he properly ended things with her. because he promised her he’d be right there when she came back. that man, my friend, actually loved abby!! as much as some people hate their relationship, that much is true, given actual explicit canonical evidence

and b) to your point of him following her to oklahoma being the only Big Gesture comparable to the Boyfriend Buck™ we know and love: that wasn’t even his first instinct!! like!!! had he loved her/cared about her the same way he would have gone without a second thought despite her insistence. instead, he had to figure out through context clues during their calls that’s something he should do if he cared about her. like — just look at his first instinct when abby said she was leaving. he was understanding. he was sad, but he was excited for her. he dropped her off at the airport. he promised her she wasn’t leaving anything behind. versus the late reaction to following taylor?? to realizing what that trip could mean for her?? and he tripped over his words when he first talked to taylor on that trip, versus knowing exactly what to say to abby. idk, man. i feel like that also falls in the the sussy foreshadowing category you’re talking about

anyway this got long and rambly but what i am saying is: no matter which way you look at it, the show explicitly told us time and time again buck was not invested in this relationship. was it annoying to watch for a lot of us??? absolutely. was it still a realistic portrayal of someone clearly forcing themselves to be with someone because they’re afraid of being alone?? also absolutely

#answered #anonymous #anti bucktaylor

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222dadon · 1 year

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Partying W Anxiety Lol

I went out for the first time in almost 2 years this past weekend. It’s crazy to me how in high school and a little bit after that, there was never a weekend that I was home. Once I became a mother, it seems that I let that be the only thing that I was. I let go of everything else. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom. I just hate that I can’t seem to tap into any other parts of me without feeling guilty or overwhelmed.

My anxiety has never been as bad as it is now. I can’t go to the store by myself. I can’t run ANY errand alone. I can’t even go to a drive thru to grab a drink alone. I want to. No one has any idea how badly I want to. I want to be independent again but my fucking anxiety refuses to loosen it’s grip on me. But recently I’ve been on a mental health journey and have been trying to move past the restrictions that my irrational fears have set in front of me.

I started to meditate again and really often. That’s really helped me get rid of the constant feeling of uneasiness. It’s still there, but it’s just not as loud as it usually is. My close friends have been asking me for years to come out with them. I normally say yes and then last minute I come up with some sort of excuse or lie to tell them so that I don’t have to go. But this past weekend, on a whim, I said yes to friends I haven’t spoken to in a very long time.

At first it confused me how I was able to say yes to people that have become almost strangers but have turned down every friend that is close enough to be deemed a relative. But after my night ended and I woke up the next morning I finally realized why.

The friends I went out with, haven’t seen me since before I gave birth to my son. They don’t know me as a mother yet. All they know is the Sila that loved to have fun and wasn’t drowning in anxiety. They know the Sila that was confident in everything and didn’t think twice about dancing on tables. They know the Sila that conversed with strangers with ease. They know the Sila that allowed herself to forget about responsibility for a couple of hours just so she could let loose. They know the Sila that didn’t care if all eyes were on her because she didn’t notice. They know the Sila that I miss. They know the Sila that I let go of long ago. They don’t know that I’m not her anymore and haven’t been for a long time. They don’t know the mother that barely survived post partum. They don’t know that I prefer the shadows now because that’s where I feel safe. They don’t know that I shy away from crowded places because I’m afraid of eyes that don’t belong to the people in my house. They don’t know that I’m so self-conscious that sometimes it makes me feel sick. They don’t know that sometimes I can’t leave my room because my anxiety is physically crippling. They don’t know who I really am anymore and for some reason I found that comforting.

When I went out with them I didn’t have to explain anything because they didn’t know anything. They treated my like the Sila that they thought I was and it was like a breath of fresh air. For once I could be the person that I’ve been dying to be again without anyone there to ask me about the person that I am. I got to go back in time for just a couple of hours and it was the most fun I have had in a really long time.

That night gave me hope that I can be something other than a mom. I let myself tune out every other side of me for a long time and that resulted in me forgetting that I am also so much more. Listening to my inner child/teen self has helped heal the adult me and I’m grateful that I listened. I’ll never shut her out again.

My friends don’t know how big of a milestone this past weekend was for me but I’ve silently thanked them every day since. You really never know how big of an impact you can have on other people’s lives. I encourage everyone or whoever this is, to check on your friends or reach out to old ones. You never know what someone’s going through or how much your presence can heal someone.

Love,

Sila (the adult one)

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harrison-abbott · 2 months

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Dean & the Airport

Dean had arrived in the airport a bit too early. So he waited in one of the bars before his flight. And he noticed the people that ebbed and flowed in the bar alongside with him, throughout the two hours of wait.

One of them was a young couple, in their 20s, who couldn’t stop touching each other, boy and girl; it was sweet, but it wasn’t really, and Dean imagined they’d probably break up in a few years when that physical stuff had died away.

Another was a pair of couples from Germany, older folks, who only drank one beer apiece and Dean knew a little Deutsch here and there but not really: and he still regretted not having bothered to properly learn another language when he was younger: although this was his own fault.

Then this man who was maybe 35 or so walked in whilst talking on his phone in a loud, frantic manner – seemed angry about something – and whilst he was ordering his drink he barely communicated with the girl bartender and kept yammering on the phone instead, and he sat at the table behind Dean and yammered on, in some kind of business jargon that Dean couldn’t quite follow … i.e., saying numbers and phrases that must belong to a company, or maybe the stock market or something like that. Dean was pretty glad when the man went, after a half hour of no respite from this phone call.

And then there was a mother and daughter who sat at his table at the other end. And they kept taking the mick out of each other, but in a friendly way. They were both plump and good hearted. Dean asked them where they were going and they said the Caribbean. They were afraid of the heat but looking forward to it at the same time. Then they left. He’d never see them again.

And a while later a father came in with his son, who was only little. And the Dad looked irritated whilst he drank his beer, and the son kept moaning about his milkshake because it wasn’t tasty enough.

This pop song came on on the bar’s small overhead speakers and a group of girls who weren’t so used to alcohol sang along in the way that only girls can singalong in unison … they seem to sing differently to men and boys.

This man around Dean’s age (in his mid 50s) said “Excuse me? I need to head to the toilet. Would you mind watching my bag for five minutes?” And Dean said sure. Then the man returned in three minutes and Dean had performed fine with the bag. He thought about asking the man where he was off to but for some reason he didn’t.

Then a mother, father, son and daughter came in and sat nearby. The mother and father seemed totally disinterested in their children. And the boy was a little older than his sister and he kept kicking her under the table. The family had ordered food. The girl was eating some chips, and the boy kicked her again when his parents weren’t looking at him. So she finally snapped and she threw a chip at him and it struck him right in the eye.

Dean snickered.

Then he looked up at the DEPARTURES panel. And his flight terminal number had come in. So he packed away his laptop and got up and made to leave to this other country.

#writeblr #creative writing #spilled ink #spilled words #writers on tumblr #prose #stories #tumblr writers #short fiction #fiction #short story #flash fiction

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lavendertales · 2 years

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Den of Sin—Eddie Brock/Venom x f!reader**

summary: Venom gets a liiiiitle too close to you and Eddie feels like it cuts from the time he gets to spend with you.

word count: 2.2k

WARNINGS: jealous!Eddie, tongue action from V, Eddie & V are a bickering couple, handjob curtesy of V, edging, fingering, piv.

AGELESS/EMPTY BLOGS & MINORS WILL BE BLOCKED!

A/N: sentences in bold belong to Venom, of course. if I forgot something, please let me know! but I hope you enjoy this nonetheless.

gif: @pedropcl

In the eye of the beholder, Eddie Brock is a simple man. Determined, curious and kind. You’ve learned as much about him in the past year.

As the weeks turned into months, however, you unveiled so much more of him.

You suppose you could call him self-destructive. He reaches a boiling point in all of his relationships, a point when he cares so much, he becomes afraid of the human touch and as a result, pushes people away. He’s not good with apologies. He’s a man of his word though and prefers acts of service as a way of showing affection. He craves stability even more so because he is unstable. All of that knowledge led to one result and one result only: Eddie Brock was so much more than what the world made of him.

A full year since you’ve known him and two months since things have gotten more intimate between you two. It wasn’t always easy, and certainly not with Venom meddling in your business.

What Eddie couldn’t fully comprehend was the fact that you really liked Venom; he was sassy and loud and funny when he meant to, and he always made sure Eddie complimented you and had kind words to say to you. You supposed he was only trying to help Eddie and his lack of proper words—which you didn’t mind, not even a little. Where Eddie lacked verbally, physical gestures helped.

A gentle grip on your wrist or your hips to pull you in for a kiss; a subtle touch to your cheek or forehead when he reached to tuck your hair behind your ear. His every gesture was sweet and thoughtful despite his size and you always felt safe around him, even more so knowing you had Venom on your side as well.

What you didn’t think Eddie was though, was jealous.

You’ve barely seen that in him, be it professional jealousy or personal. Despite the mess inside his head, he was struggling to appear as composed as he possibly could and most of the time—if you looked past the occasional habit of what seemed to be him talking to himself in public. You really wouldn’t have pegged him as the jealous type, and especially not on the last creature on earth.

Little by little though, you started to notice things. How Eddie adopted a more broody attitude whenever Venom came out and told you stories of his home planet, how Venom made you laugh and made it impossible for Eddie to work at home.

“Listen, guys, I got a deadline, so… I’d really appreciate some silence. At least for tonight,” Eddie said one evening, thus putting an end to the giggles Venom brought out of you.

“Sorry,” you smiled. “We’ll let you work.”

“But we were having fun! Why do you hate us, Eddie?”

“’Us’, what—? I thought you and me, I thought that was ‘us’.”

“Okay, let’s not start arguing over nothing. V, go back inside and keep it down.”

“Fine.”

Eddie looked outraged. “’Fine’? Just like that? You’re gonna listen to her just like that but not to me?”

“She is being nice. You are an asshole sometimes.”

And with that, Venom disappeared, leaving you and Eddie alone. But soon you let him return to his work and you went in the bedroom to read. Needless to say, you were more than surprised to see Eddie in the doorframe, his eyes twinkling in a rather devilish and playful way that you failed to recognize.

The kind of look he had when he was mad.

That was a rare look; it took a lot to make Eddie mad, but luckily you were never on the receiving end of his wrath. Quite the contrary: you were always collecting the sheer benefits of his long, hard days. You were happily complying with his sharp indications—“hands on the headboard”, “ass up for me, baby”, “tell me what you want”—and by the end, you were both in the win.

It wasn’t that far of a stretch to assume this was one of those rare times.

“Everything okay?” you ask him, putting away the book.

Eddie doesn’t respond right away. He’s staring at your posture—legs up as your head is resting on the pillow against the headboard—and you notice his eyes are locked on your legs. He moves closer, sitting on the edge of the bed and running one of his hands up your legs.

“I thought you were on a deadline,” you say, stifling a gasp upon feeling his touch.

“I finished.”

“Already?”

“I’m quite good with my fingers.”

This time the gasp is all but subtle, verging on a surefire moan when his hand splits your thighs apart and dips right into your most sensitive region. Eddie is just as surprised as you when he runs his index across your slit.

“No underwear, huh?” he teases.

“What was the point of it? It was only gonna get in the way in case—“

“Shit, you’re soaked.”

Eddie’s finger keeps rubbing against you, feeling himself grow harder with each passing and torturous moment.

“How are you soaked already? Just for me?”

“Of course just for you—“

You’re losing string of thought the more Eddie palms your core and finally inserts a finger and curls it to a delicious angle, earning a louder moan from your side. You start moving your hips to meet with more of his hand, but Eddie pulls away.

Why are you teasing her this way?

Because you annoyed me. Now back off.

Why are you taking your anger out on her then?

Because I want to and because she can take it.

She can take much more and you know it.

Would you shut up? I need to concentrate.

What you need is to take notes, Eddie.

Suddenly, Eddie’s fingers are replaced by larger ones, sturdier and with a much different feel to them. When you look up, you see Venom’s huge figure towering over you with a wicked smile.

“V, what are you doing?”

“Putting Eddie to shame. His little tricks that he thinks feel good—“

“They—they do. They do feel good.”

Venom leans in, absorbing every inch of you as he ignores Eddie’s protests inside, and leaves you with a simple “Why feel only good when you can feel so much more?”

Venom, don’t you dare—Venom!

Too late. Two tendrils hold you in place, thighs split apart with a remarkably gentle grip, and Venom’s tongue dips straight into your cunt. The contact shocks you, nearly breaks you apart, but it feels impossibly good as he stretches you open, thrusting in and out. Venom’s tongue reaches so far up inside you, you swear you start to see stars.

Inside, Eddie is fuming. He’s not really sure what got him in that mood to begin with; he’s not jealous of Venom—per se. He has no reason to, right? They are one and the same; everything of Eddie’s is Venom’s and vice versa. But he hears the sounds you release as Venom’s tongue plunges inside you almost manically, an obscene desire to get more out of you building up within. Insecurities start to creep in too – what if you favor Venom’s confident allure when it comes to sex? What if you decide he’s not good enough?

Despite all of Eddie’s pleas for Venom to step aside—or at least make him some room—the symbiote does not budge. His tongue keeps going in and out of you with a steady rhythm that has you seeing stars and nearly crying at how good it feels. It’s an entirely different experience from anything you’ve ever known and the craving only grows larger when Eddie’s absence really takes its toll on you.

“Eddie—“

You can’t help the moan that escapes your throat; it’s involuntary and it makes your insides twitch and burn with its simple pronunciation. It has some effect on Venom too, for his tongue plummets out of you with the speed of lightning and he stares at you, cocking his head to the side.

“You want Eddie?” he asks gently.

Still in a trance from Venom’s treatment, you can only nod—almost frantically so—and wait. You’ve learned that patience sometimes goes a long way with the both of them.

Once Venom flees, Eddie’s figure back into your sight brings relief, but also concern. Eddie doesn’t bother working through all of that though. He lunges forward to your mouth, a hungry kiss erupting from his lips and transferring onto yours. The grunt he lets loose from his chest vibrates right through you and you feel more motion in between your legs Eddie presses his body more onto yours.

Of course Venom wouldn’t just disappear out of the goodness of his slimy heart; it wouldn’t be true to his nature. His playfulness and inclination for messy things come in handy once again as one of his tendrils worked past Eddie’s waistband and is now slowly jerking him off. To Venom, keeping his distance isn’t really in the cards but right now, you are nothing if not glad about that.

Eddie keeps moaning and grinding onto you just as your legs curl around his waist to pull him in completely, and suddenly you both ache; it’s an insatiable craving, wild and too powerful to be put out by the simplest of actions. You need more. Eddie needs more, and by default, so does Venom.

When you break the kiss to each draw a breath, your eyes lock and you both feel the same ardent desire. Venom’s tendril disappears just after he guides Eddie’s cock to your soaked and warmed up core. You presume he’s muttering some filthy things indie Eddie’s head to get him going because Eddie’s facial expression is that of utter devastation, in the most pleasurable way. He does one languid, careful thrust inside you and you moan as if on command. Your arms roam on Eddie’s broad back and shoulders, welcoming him inside you after what feels like an eternity.

“No better feeling, is there?” Eddie murmurs, lips stretching into a euphoric smile.

He presses his forehead onto yours as his hips start moving a little faster, motions deep and intimate. You smile just as well, biting on your lower lip. “No,” you agree. “Nothing—feels better than you do.”

That boosts Eddie’s ego far more than he would’ve expected. The moment those words leave your lips, he starts jamming his hips into yours until air gets knocked out of your lungs and you’re incapable of saying anything else. You’re pushed into the mattress, Eddie atop of you and his hand sneaking around your neck to press on the sides ever so gently, mouth agape at how full and warm you feel. You nearly choke when you feel tendrils on your body again, warm liquid forming to fumble with your breasts as Eddie pounds into you.

“Look how good you look, taking us both like that,” Venom’s voice reaches your ears and has this weird effect of turning you into a puddle underneath Eddie’s sturdy body.

“So good—fuck—“Eddie coos, nearly drooling at the overwhelming mass of sensations swimming in his body.

“Finish her off, Eddie.”

The latter puts all of his focus on you, how your body rocks under the rhythm imposed by his hips. The sounds you make are the most addictive Eddie’s ever heard and they spur him on so much he nearly can’t stand it.

“Go on,” Venom encourages devilishly. “Make her cum for us. Make her finish all over us.”

“Fuck—y-yes—“

“Let the neighbors know that you belong to us completely, little one.”

There’s something utterly seductive about the way Venom enunciates each and every word and just how much they affect both you and Eddie. It’s like you don’t have control over your bodily functions anymore; next thing you know, you’re clenching so hard around Eddie you’re afraid you’re hurting him, but you cum loudly and messily and so does Eddie. It all goes black around you and all you feel is warmth surrounding you from all sides, hands and tendrils alike roaming needy all over your body. Eddie buries his face in the crook of your neck as he empties himself inside of you, sweat dribbling down his temples. He’s barely moving inside of you, but he does not stop. He cannot for the life of him.

“Teamwork, Eddie, makes your girlfriend happy and satisfied,” Venom grins.

“He has a point, you know?” you tease, playing with a few of his locks.

Eddie lifts his head, looking completely spent, and huffs understandingly.

“Don’t try to deny it,” you push. “I’ve seen the look on your face when he was jerkin’ you off. The sound you made—“

“How was I supposed to feel? That shit’s great for any man.”

“I know.”

You lock eyes with Venom and smirk, nodding as a silent thank you at him. He needn’t be told anything. He was already well aware of how you felt about both of them.

tags:

@acourtofsnakes @beskarboobs @potter-solomons @solomons-finest-rum @rosiefridayrogersunday @phoenixhalliwell

#eddie brock x reader #eddie brock fanfiction #eddie brock fic #eddie brock smut #eddie brock x venom #symbrock fanfiction #symbrock fic #symbrock smut #veddie x reader #veddie smut #venom x reader #venom smut #tom hardy #tom hardy fanfiction #tom hardy fic #tom hardy smut

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winter-soldier-vibes · 3 years

Note

just a wittle request, could you do something where bucky comforts the reader who has mommy issues after she has a panic attack over the thought of turning out like her mother?

Hi there, sorry this took so long! I still haven’t processed my own so I had to take a few breaks. I apologize if this is off the path of what you meant, I’m going off of my own experience but I know it’s different for everyone.

You're nothing like her.

Bucky x reader

Word count: 3219

Warnings: mommy issues, toxic childhood, talk of divorce, panic attack/anxiety, negative self-talk

A/N: This takes place in a timeline where Bucky is retired

-------------

You did everything you could to avoid it. To avoid her

You left home as soon as you could. When you were in college you were surrounded by people who were homesick, people who wanted to go home, people who finally had to take care of themselves. Things you couldn’t relate to.

You had been supporting yourself most of your life. Not that you had much of a choice. Your dad left when you were younger, your mother blaming it on you. If you had been better, maybe he wouldn’t have left. You, being young, believed her. What else were you supposed to do, growing up in a world that preaches ‘mother knows best’?

Load of bullshit to you.

You knew better now, being an adult, that she didn’t know best. She worked or went out with friends and left you to raise yourself, telling you it was your fault when she neglected her responsibilities. And when you would get upset she would play the victim, crying ‘woe is me’ because you were so ungrateful to the person who raised you after you drove her husband out.

“You know it’s your fault right?” she had snapped at you one night at dinner. There was a graded paper, a B written on the top of it.

“What?”

“You’re the reason he left me. He just couldn’t stand you. You’re the reason why he left and why I’m so miserable now.”

You had felt tears in your eyes.

“Tears, really? Tears aren't going to change the fact that MY husband LEFT.”

Her husband, not your father.

No, you knew better now to know that what she had done and said was wrong. But that didn’t make you forget. It didn’t make it any easier for you.

You went to college, saved up as much as you could, and gave tight-lipped smiles when people asked why you didn’t go home on weekends or vacations. You tried not to talk about her much, but that didn’t stop you from thinking about her.

You had stood at your college graduation, caps thrown and loud laughs and cheers echoing around. There were a bunch of people celebrating around you, taking photos, but you had stood on the outskirts. You had a small smile on your face for everyone else, but you couldn’t help but feel empty inside. You hadn’t made many friends, not close friends, but that was a good thing. You could take the photo so no one was left out.

Not so much of a text from her. She hadn’t come, she hadn’t called or anything.

In a twisted way, you were glad that she hadn’t. She couldn’t make a big deal about how you weren’t the top of your class or how you didn’t deserve to be. How you didn’t have a job set up to start the next week even though you already were planning on submitting your resumes. There wasn’t a way to please her, so it was almost better that she wasn’t there.

You had texted her after a few days and she made up some bullshit excuse that she had forgotten to put it on the calendar.

She liked your Instagram photo though. So thoughtful

You worried you would turn out the same way. Or that she had rubbed off on you in some way. You kept to yourself as much as you could, staying in, keeping your emotions to yourself. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust people, maybe it was, but more so you were worried that you would seem like you were playing the victim.

You didn’t want to bother anyone or make anyone feel obligated to listen to you. You worried that behind your back they would complain about you being emotional or making everything about you.

You worried they would talk about you the same way you thought about your mother.

People are supposed to look to their parents to teach them what to be, yet you found yourself wanting to avoid everything your parents did to you. They taught you exactly who you didn’t want to be.

Your father left. Your mother hated you.

You didn’t share your opinions because you didn’t want to be told you were wrong. You didn’t want to force your ideas onto anyone. Not like what you said would make a difference anyway, not that it mattered in the first place.

You remembered all of the sentences you would start but not finish because no one had heard you. Trying to jump in a few times and eventually giving up when the conversation had moved onto a new subject. All the times people would interrupt or interject, making you feel like you didn’t have something to say that was worth hearing.

You thought it would get better when you got a job. But the pressure you put on yourself to do well in school was transferred to the job you had gotten. You still were afraid that people saw yourself as your mom used to and that you would never be good enough for anyone. You thought that achievements would make you feel fulfilled.

But if you didn’t believe in yourself, what were a few “job well done's” supposed to do?

It made it hard to get into a relationship. People say that “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else,” but that didn’t feel so true to you. It was more that you didn’t trust yourself to love someone else. You worried about hurting whoever you were with, and you told yourself that if you didn’t get close to anyone, you couldn’t hurt them.

But then you ran into him.

He was on a morning run and you were walking home from a night shift, both too tired to see each other coming. You because you had just finished a shift, him because he was running off the nightmare he had had the night previous. Both of you craving a sleep that seemed just out of reach.

You were very apologetic, as was he, both afraid that you had hurt the other. You avoided his eyes even though they were trained anywhere but your own, as he fiddled with his gloved hands and you scratched the back of your neck.

It was the first time either of you had seen someone as unsure as yourselves

You had parted ways with only each other's names. Bucky and y/n.

The two of you crossed paths a few times in the following weeks, eventually getting each other’s phone numbers and agreeing to meet for coffee rather than hoping the other left at the right time. Eventually, the subtle nervous tics each of you had died down as you got to know each other.

For the most part.

You still overly apologized for everything. If you were a few minutes late, if you spaced out...you took the blame for everything.

Traffic had been bad, a storm and an accident causing you to be 5 minutes late rather than 15 minutes early. You had run into the coffee shop, scanning the restaurant with wide eyes when you saw Bucky sitting there casually.

“I am so so so sorry, I should’ve left earlier, there was an accident, I’m so sorry I’m late -”

“Y/n, don’t worry about it,” he had said, a smile on his face and a slight flash of concern on his face. “Seriously, it’s a couple of minutes. It’s literally fine.”

“No, I’m really sorry, I should’ve known or called or something.”

“Relax. It’s totally fine, I promise,” he had said, concern a little more present on his face. “Are you okay though?”

“What? Yeah, I’m good. How have you been with everything?

You wouldn’t let him talk about you. The same way your mother never let you talk about yourself.

Don’t think about her.

He had started opening up to you but you still kept your personal life under lock and key. Your name, how work was, and your physical well-being was about as personal as you got. Even so, if work had been a shit show or you had to pull an all-nighter would go unspoken. He didn’t need the burden of your personal issues. Not when there was nothing he could do about it.

The past was the past, you just had to learn how to get over yourself.

You couldn’t change what your mother had said over a decade ago.

You worried if you talked about yourself at all then you would be making the situation about you. You worried you would project your anger or sadness onto him. He didn’t deserve that. Plus, it wasn’t like he would be able to do anything, right?

You promised yourself you wouldn’t let him get too close. That if he didn’t get close to you, you couldn’t hurt him.

But damn, you’d be lying if you said you didn’t start developing feelings for him. And from the way he had started acting, you thought maybe he was too.

The hugs that were ever so slightly too tight or when he smiled at you a little longer than normal. He had opened up to you about many things in his past, and from the way he talked about it, you could tell he hadn’t talked about it much with anyone else.

You found comfort in your friendship, the way he trusted you. You liked being there for him, and you were honored that he trusted you enough to open up to you. Yet it also made you uneasy that you would ruin it in some way or drive him out.

The same way your mom drove out your father.

Goddamn it don’t think about her.

The closer you got and the closer you and Bucky had gotten, the more nervous you were. That you would turn out like your mother. You were having a harder time keeping to yourself, keeping up the façade that everything was all bright in your world. You wanted to be a light for everyone.

But at some point, days turn to nights and the light gives way to the darkness.

And you weren’t sure how much time you had left before you cracked.

Bucky had started making small moves towards you, and you were trying your best to deflect them in efforts to not fall flat on your face for him. He came over Wednesday nights for a movie and take out with you, and what started as being on two opposite ends of the couch had moved to being next to each other to him having his arm wrapped around you. Sometimes you felt he was a little too close and you would either shift away or get up to grab another drink or ‘use the bathroom’.

When you came back you would make an attempt to sit a bit further away.

Sometimes when Bucky would say goodbye at the end of the night he would hug you. That was nothing new, you were both big on hugs, but lately, he had been hugging you longer or tighter, lingering a few moments longer than could be platonic. You had started ending the hugs earlier, giving him a small squeeze before pulling away.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to be with Bucky. It was that you were so scared that you would drive him away, leaving you as soon as you had started calling yourself his.

Which is what brought you here. Bucky had come over for another one of your movie nights and had his arm behind the couch rather than around you. An invitation for you to curl into his side, but he wanted you to make that choice. Eventually, you had found yourself curled up with him, his arm wrapped around you, and you could feel the tension.

You wanted to move away before you found yourself in too deep, but you couldn’t resist. It had been a long day and you found comfort with Bucky. Bucky turned his face slightly towards yours, kissing the side of your temple and you felt butterflies in your stomach. Your mind told you to shift away, to not let him get too close, but you found yourself turning your head towards Bucky and he leaned forward to kiss you gently.

After a moment you broke away, emotion taking over you. “I’m sorry, Bucky, I - I can’t do this,” you said, resting your forehead against his.

“Why not?” Bucky whispered, looking into your eyes.

Because I’ll hurt you.

I’ll disappoint you.

I’ll drive you away and I can’t lose the best thing that’s happened to me.

You sighed, standing up and moving away from Bucky. You couldn’t say those things to him out loud. Not without the entire story. And you weren’t ready to share all of that with him.

Bucky stood up with you, afraid he had just ruined the friendship or whatever relationship he had with you. “Y/n, wait, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

You had already left the room and couldn’t really hear him over the sound of your thoughts.

This wasn’t supposed to happen

I wasn’t supposed to let this happen

How could I be so stupid?

You were feeling tears in your eyes and Bucky followed you, afraid of what he did. Your breathing was picking up and you had started mumbling some of these things to yourself.

“Y/n, what’s happening, what did I do?”

You shook your head “You didn’t do anything, but I need you to leave, please,” you said, trying to hide your emotions. You hated being like this.

“I’m not going anywhere y/n, just tell me what’s wrong.”

“Get the fuck out of here Bucky! I don’t want your help!” you snapped suddenly, Bucky looking taken aback before your eyes widened.

“Oh god…”

You shook your head and started crying harder, stumbling over your words. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that, I didn’t mean to yell, I’m so sorry Bucky please don’t leave I'm so sorry.”

Bucky came forward and hugged you gently and you cried into his shirt. He whispered comforting words into your ear as you tried to breathe, embarrassed at how vulnerable you were being.

Bucky kept his breathing slow and even, trying to get you to match him. He had no idea what was happening but he knew he needed you to calm down before he asked. Whatever it was had to be something deep, and you weren’t in the space to talk about it right now.

He brought you over to sit on the corner of your bed, still hugging you as you cried. You were mumbling out apology after apology but Bucky wasn’t having any of it. He kept hugging you, telling you that he wasn’t going anywhere and that you were safe. He had never seen you so upset, or upset at all to begin with.

After you had calmed down a bit, Bucky asked you again what had happened. You shook your head, not knowing what to say.

“I’ve opened up about so many things to you, right?” he pulled back to look at you.

You nodded slightly.

“And you’ve never judged me for any of it.”

You shook your head this time.

“Then why can’t you let me do the same for you?”

You took a deep breath, fiddling with your hands. “I don’t wanna hurt you,” you said, not meeting his eyes.

Bucky drew his eyebrows together, still confused. “Y/n, you’ve been the nicest person I’ve ever met. How would you hurt me?”

You were already shaking your head. “No, see, that’s what’s gonna happen. I’m gonna be nice and sweet and...and I’m gonna fall in love with you, and you’re gonna fall in love with me. A-and then I’m gonna let you down over and over again and snap at you for things that aren’t your fault and...and you’ll get sick of it and leave and I’m going to hate myself for it, okay?”

“Hey, hey, slow down,” Bucky held your shoulders as they started shaking. You brought a hand to cover your mouth, Bucky hushing you again. “What are you talking about? Where is this coming from?”

You took a shaky breath as you ran a hand over your face. “I’m just like her, Bucky. I told myself I would never let myself be like her…”

“Like who?” Bucky asked, blood already boiling at who made you feel like this.

Her.

You weren’t supposed to think about her.

You promised yourself.

“Y/n, stay with me here,” he said, guiding your face back to look at him. “Who?”

“My mother.”

Bucky looked at you for a moment. “What?”

“You know, mothers bring you into the world. They say a mother knows when something is wrong with their kid, that babies are put on their mother’s chest because the skin-to-skin contact starts the bonding process. They’re supposed to protect you, and love you, and take care of you. But then you start to get older and it’s your fault that you were born when you didn’t ask, or your dad left and it’s your fault before you even knew he was gone. All I wanted was to be told what to do and all she would do is tell me what I did wrong. I can’t be like her and the older I get the more scared I am that I’m going to hurt everyone the way that she hurt my father and me.”

You had started crying again as Bucky looked at you, both broken-hearted and furious that someone would make you feel this way. Not to mention it was your own mother.

You took another shaky breath. “I thought the world of her when I was younger. And she barely even gave me the time of day. I keep telling myself that I’m not what she thought of me, but what if I am?” you shook your head again. “And I am so scared that I’m just like her.”

“Y/n, look at me, I need you to look at me when I say this, okay?” he cupped your face with both hands, wiping away your tears with the pads of his thumbs as he looked into your eyes. “You are nothing like your mother.”

You let out a small sob. “You don’t know her.”

“I don’t need to,” he said firmly. “You are kind and gentle. You work hard and you make sure that everyone is taken care of before you even consider yourself. You aren’t going to scare me away or hurt me.” He wiped fresh tears from your eyes. “You are your own person, your mother has no say in who you get to be. Who you are. You are not your mother, and you never will be.” he said, still holding your gaze.

You held his gaze a little longer, knowing he believed what he was saying. You didn’t, not quite yet, but maybe if he believed in you, you could too. You nodded slightly, giving him the smallest of smiles. “Thank you.”

Bucky returned the small smile. “You know I love you, right?”

“I love you too,” you said, smiling.

You meant it, and you knew he did too. And maybe one day, you would love who you’d become too.

------------

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shorkbrian · 3 years

Text

A Midsommar Night’s Dream

Prelude - I watched midsommar so have this.

Pairing - Izuku X reader X Todoroki males

Warnings - NSFW, dead dove, do not eat. Implied incest, cult-like behaviors. Dubcon.

Music - https://open.spotify.com/track/7clyJIrLkEbXUDwj1tC9zz?si=EK3gCdOHQ3WQeK-ed9eucg

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Izuku’s been officially dating you for three weeks.

Three weeks.

He’s known you for far longer - the two of you solid friends since you first met. The man doesn’t know when friendship had evolved into something more, but he’s sure glad it did.

You were sweet, and kind, and far too caring for your own good. You didn’t mind waiting up for Izuku when his nights ran late, studying for his masters or taking on extra shifts.

You would rub his shoulders when he got stressed, offer to make him tea or run him a bath or anything else he needed, anything to help out. You loved him, and he loved you.

Tonight was a night that many partners might fear - meeting the family.

But Izuku was hardly worried. He was best friends with your brother Shouto, a level-headed student with good work ethics and a dry sense of humor. The rest of the family couldn’t be that bad.

A simple dinner, you had told him, dress casual and no gifts required. Still, Izuku felt obligated to bring the finest bottle of bourbon his paycheck could afford him (he’d asked Shouto what your father’s favorite was, just to be safe).

The Todoroki household was impressive; massive and imposing in the countryside, surrounded by tall stone walls and looking straight out of a victorian romance novel. Izuku knows what those look like, because he’s seen them on the covers of the romance novels you like to read. He’s always doing his best to pay attention to your likes and dislikes.

“Izuku!” came your excited little voice as the door opened after his loud knock, and the green-haired man couldn’t stop himself from breaking out in a smile.

You were almost bouncing in excitement behind your older brother Shouto as he held the door open, taking the offered bottle of bourbon from Izuku with a nod before leaving you alone together in the foyer.

“Hey, missed you-” Izuku grunted as you attacked him in a hug, and a laugh bubbled out of you both when the solid man had to take a step backwards from the push of your body.

“Missed you too! I’m so excited for tonight, it’s so good that Dad and the rest of the family are accepting you.” A quick kiss to his cheek distracted Izuku.

You were fairly comfortable with physical touch, resting your head on his shoulder, never afraid to snuggle up to his side on movie nights, or hold his hand out in public (especially now that the two of you were dating). But Izuku had honestly expected more.... sensuality once the two of you started seeing each other as lovers more than just friends.

He had asked to kiss you one night, after you’d made him dinner and rubbed his shoulders and listened to him talk about the latest subject he was studying. Izuku had felt his heart warm, like cold wax cradled over a flame, and his love for you was bursting out of his chest. He wanted to kiss you and hold you close, tell you how much he loved you.

You had just smiled shyly and shook your head, saying you wanted to wait a bit. Which Izuku understood! This was all new, going from friends-to-dating, and he didn’t want to rush you or make you uncomfortable in any way. He was willing to wait.

So the kiss to his cheek surprised him, made him stutter and blush and hug you a bit tighter.

Then you were taking his hand, leading him through the maze of a house. He couldn’t help but notice the old-timey decorations mixed in with the more modern features, but done in an elegant, timeless fashion. A good blend of old mixed with new.

Stepping into the large dining room hand-in-hand with you, Izuku was met with the sight of the entire Todoroki family.

“Everybody-” You started, catching their attention until every set of eyes was on you and the tall man by your side. “This is Izuku!”

Shouto stepped forward, closest to the pair of you, and set his hand on Izuku’s shoulder with a smile. “Glad to have you joining the family.”

Izuku smiled back, pulling his friend into a hug and giving him a hearty pat on the back.

“This is Fuyumi-” A tap to Izuku’s shoulder had him turning around, stepping away from Shouto to shake your sister’s hand.

“Hi Izuku, I’ve heard such good things about you.” Her voice was soft and gentle, almost like your own. Izuku could see the family resemblance between the two of you.

“And this is Natsuo, he’s studying for his masters just like you.” A white-haired man approached him, friendly and open, ready to shake Izuku’s hand but ultimately pulling him into a hug.

“Sorry, I’m a hugger.” Natsuo laughed, and Izuku shrugged, completely unbothered.

“Here’s Touya.” You introduced a redhead next, a man sitting almost sullenly at the table. He didn’t rise to his feet, didn’t even take Izuku’s offered handshake.

“This is the guy you’ve been babbling about? He looks bori-”

“Touya.” The room, already hushed, grew even more silent, almost heavy with the weight of the voice from the man at the head of the table.

The gangly redhead shut his mouth, looking ready to roll his eyes. You pulled Izuku past him towards the imposing man who was looking at the man at your side, appraising him.

“And this is my dad. Dad, this is Izuku.”

“A pleasure to meet you sir.” Izuku shook the mans large hand, and the man nodded solemnly.

“Sit down, we’re ready to eat.”

-----

Dinner wasn’t a quiet affair. Comfortable conversation flowed easily between everyone; questions about Izuku’s degree, about his goals, his dreams, his job. He knew it was just everyone getting to know him, assurance that he was suitable for their daughter. Izuku wanted to be perfect for you, anything and everything you needed.

Enji (Izuku was not about to call your father dad) asked only a few questions, otherwise decidedly quiet at his spot at the table, chewing his food while watching Izuku respond to the rest of his family.

It was mainly Fuyumi, Natsuo, and Shouto keeping the conversation flowing, Izuku easily keeping up with whatever they decided to talk about, asking engaging questions of his own about the family members he’d just met, laughing easily whenever you made a pun or Shouto’s dry humor jumped out.

Everything seemed to be going well.

Fuyumi asked to be excused, saying she needed to go prepare, and Enji waved her off easily, telling you to go with her. You rose from your chair easily, but not before catching Izuku’s hand and giving it a squeeze, eyes shining as you leaned close to whisper “See you in a bit.”.

“You really love her?” Touya asked as soon as the two women left the room to go prepare dessert, leaving Izuku alone with the male Todoroki’s. Izuku assumed this would be when he gets the shake-down, the usual “Hurt her and we’ll kill you” talk.

“So much. Sometimes I feel like I love her so much that I don’t know what to do with myself.” Izuku confessed.

“She talks about you a lot. I think she feels the same way that you do.” Natsuo supplied from across the table, and Izuku felt his cheeks flush, his heart flutter. It was one thing to know you loved someone - to feel the warmth and peace it brought to your soul. It was another to know that they loved you back; it made him feel whole.

“I've seen how you treat her, I think the two of you are a good match.” Shouto said, and Izuku smiled at his friend. Shouto had been his buddy since high school, truthfully was the reason that Izuku and you had met. You’d come along with Shouto one day when he’d come to hang out with Izuku, and the two of you had become fast friends.

Natsuo was rising from the table, walking back to the little shelf along one wall where various drinks sat (and Izuku’s bourbon gift). Izuku watched the man begin to pour out a red liquid, before his attention was caught by Shouto leaving the table as well, taking his plate and exiting the room.

Then Natsuo was placing a glass of the red liquid down in front of Izuku. “Don’t worry, this is nothing more than homemade punch.” He said as Izuku eyed it.

“It’s tradition.” Touya growled and Izuku found himself taken aback at the heat in the other man’s voice. Was the redhead angry at him for some reason?

“Touya, calm down.” The eldest Todoroki said, and Izuku almost wanted to cower himself at the sheer dominance exuding from the powerful man. “Izuku is becoming family. You will be happy for your sister, not jealous.”

Touya huffed, grumbling under his breath before shoving his seat away from the table. “Just don’t fuckin’ hurt her, got it? She’s my baby sister.”

“I would never-” But Touya is already storming out of the room, uncaring of Izuku’s assurances.

Natsuo sighs. “Don’t mind him, he just.... doesn’t like change.”

“What is this again?” Picking up the red drink, Izuku swirled it around the glass, trying to change the subject and hopefully smooth over the tension. Most of the tension had dissipated when Touya left, but it never hurt to be proactive.

“It’s a tea we brew and sweeten ourselves. We grow the plants in the backyard, you’ll see them soon.” Natsuo explained.

“It’s tradition?” Izuku parroted Touya’s earlier words, before taking a quick sip. It was delicious tea.

“Yes, we like to welcome those who are approved to join the family.” Natsuo laughed a little. “Fuyumi’s husband thought we were trying to drug him. It’s really just tea.”

Izuku snorted. It tasted like tea, why would someone think the Todoroki’s were trying to drug them? Sure, the family might be a little odd, but they weren’t malicious... right?

Before he knew it, his cup was empty and Natsuo had slipped out of the room, leaving Izuku alone with the head of the household, Enji.

Where were you? And why had everyone else left the room?

“I’m very particular about who I allow in my house, boy.” Enji started, and Izuku suddenly felt.... uneasy.

“Not everyone thinks the same way as the Todoroki’s. But you seem to be a bright young man. Educated. You aren’t going to be any trouble, are you?”

The last question wasn’t posed as such. It was a statement.

Still, Izuku shook his head. “No sir, I have no intentions of causing trouble.” Why did this casual dinner feel so serious? there was so much emphasis on being accepted into the family, on being welcomed. Izuku recognized how big of a deal that was but still... it’s not like you were about to marry him. He was planning on that a few years down the road.

“Come with me.” Enji instructed, wiping his mouth with his napkin before his impressive bulk hefted itself out of his chair. Izuku felt tiny next to the patriarch, following the man through the dark, empty house.

He wanted to ask where Enji was taking him. Where you had disappeared to, where the rest of the family had gone. But that would be rude, so Izuku kept his mouth shut.

Outside it was dark, moon shining dimly through the sky, the residual warmth of the summer day still held in the air. Izuku followed Enji through the back door, down along a path, into the plentiful, green backyard.

To a grove of trees, torches flickering from within the grove, small bushes and beautiful flowering plants dotted among the trees. A garden, Izuku realized. Those must be the plants and bushes that produce the tea Natsuo had given him.

Then there you were, in a little clearing among the trees.

Sitting on a dark blanket, knees drawn to your chest and ankles crossed in front of you as you hid your body.

Izuku started - you were naked.

Touya was kneeling beside you, a hand on your shoulder as he talked to you gently, barely sparing Izuku and his father a glance as they strode into the torch-lit clearing, Touya’s attention truly focused on you.

Shouto and Natsuo stood in the light, watching you, watching Izuku.

“What is this?” Izuku sputtered, and upon hearing his voice you looked away from Touya, a smile lighting up your face as you saw your Izuku.

“This is tradition boy.” Enji laid a heavy hand on Izuku’s shoulder. “Now strip down, my little girl’s been waiting.”

Izuku’s head swirled.

Touya stood up, shooting the green-haired man a lazy glare before moving to stand by his brothers, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Izuku...” Your sweet little voice called for him, and green eyes snapped to your form on the ground, watched as, with a nod from Enji, you slowly unfurled your body to expose yourself to your lover.

A stab of arousal hit Izuku in his gut, watching your soft-looking skin be revealed.

Pert breasts, a squishy tummy, glistening folds ready and twitching between your legs.

You were drenched.

There was so much shiny slick, all over your thighs and dripped onto the blanket, Izuku couldn’t catch his breath, couldn’t think straight. It was impossible for you to be that wet on your own, you must have used lube or something to prepa-

It hit him; You and Fuyumi hadn’t gone to prepare dessert.

“You just gonna stand there all night like an idiot? Take your clothes off and fuck her you dwee-”

“Touya.” Enji growled, silencing his son immediately. Then the man turned to Izuku, easily pushing him forwards towards you. “You’ve been accepted into the family; that’s an invitation you don’t want to refuse.”

With a sigh, you easily laid down onto your back, legs still spread for Izuku to look at you, hands coming up to rest shyly over your breasts.

“Don’t do that, let him see.” Shouto murmured, and immediately your hands dropped in obedience. Shouto hummed in approval, before bi-colored eyes swept up to look at Izuku, urging his friend forward with a tilt of his head down to your form.

With trembling hands, Izuku fumbled with his pants, unzipping them with a bit of difficulty, undoing his belt, working on the buttons of his nice shirt the he had worn to make a good impression when he met your family for the first time.

It took him a moment to undress, a red blush creeping up over his cheeks and down to his chest as he bared his body to the Todoroki’s.

He didn’t think he was small, but he wasn’t big either; average. Izuku was confident in his size, didn’t really know or are how he stacked up against other guys, and the girls he’d been with before hadn’t complained.

Still, he felt embarrassed to be naked in front of other people, to be on display. But there wasn’t another option, was there? (Izuku didn’t know if that was such a bad thing)

Two short strides before dropping to his knees in front of you on the blanket, his throat dry and his palms sweaty.

“Are you-” His voice was barely above a whisper. “Are you okay with this?”

Your head nodded yes, a pleased, yet shy grin on your face. “Of course. I want you.”

The softness of your voice, of your body, Izuku felt dizzy as he shuffled forward, close enough to touch. Still hesitant, worried about the male Todoroki members watching from the sidelines, brain racing to work through the strangeness of the situation, the utter oddity of this... ritual that was currently taking place.

But then you were sitting up, hands circling around his neck, pressing your lips to his with crushing finality.

He was a part of the family now.

It felt good to kiss you, soft lips pressed together, little huffs of breath from your nose as you kept going. Izuku took the freedom of circling his hands around your waist, almost gasping at the plushness of your flesh, melting against you with a groan as your lips kept pressing to his.

“I’m all ready, just-just put it in.” Your breathless little confession tumbled out as soon as you pulled away from your first real kiss with Izuku, a blush high on your cheeks.

But it was Izuku’s turn to blush, sitting between your legs like a fumbling virgin. “I’m not hard yet, but I can, uhm, finger you. Or we can kiss for a little bit mo-”

“You aren’t even hard? Touya’s sneering voice cut through Izuku’s babbling. “Look at my sister. She’s fucking soaking the ground. That’s not hot to you?”

Izuku stuttered, eyes flickering down to where your legs were opened, pretty little cunt twitching. It’s like you were begging to be touched, and Izuku was a sucker for begging.

“No, that’s so hot, oh my god.” He breathed, fingers instinctively reaching to swipe through your wetness, relishing the way you gasped and shuddered as his hand made contact with your body.

“She’s so soft too, got tits like little pillows. You should lick ‘em, she likes that.” Touya continues, and Izuku wants to point out that the reason he’s not completely hard yet isn’t because he’s not insanely turned on by the beautiful creature in front of him, but because he’s feeling weirded out by all her brothers and her dad watching intently from the sidelines.

Yet he does what Touya suggests, leaning forward to put his mouth on your chest, tongue darting out to drag against your skin.

The eldest Todoroki was right about you being soft.

Izuku can’t stop his other hand from rubbing at your cunt more firmly, feeling your little hips twitch towards him, pressing your chest more firmly into his mouth.

“She’s so pretty.” Natsuo comments, but Izuku is hardly listening when he’s flicking at your clit, nursing at your tits. “She’s gonna feel real good around you Izuku, like a new fleshlight.”

“You better breed her good, boy.” Enji booms, and suddenly you’re scrabbling at Izuku’s arms, pulling his hair, whining “Please, Izuku please.”.

“Okay, shit, let me-”

“He must be really worked up, Izuku hardly ever curses.” Shouto announces, and fuck, he’s right - but how could he not be worked up?

Izuku is hard, blood rushing so quickly to his cock that he feels lightheaded, taking himself in hand and giving his length a few dry pumps. He’s envisioning how sopping wet you’ll feel against him, staring, drooling over your cunt.

And then he’s lining himself up, kissing you hard, and pushing inside.

“Big, ‘s too big!” You panic, tears popping to your eyes but Izuku is quick to wipe them away, cooing at you and stilling his hips.

“Oh, don’t cry! Shh, I’ll go slow, ‘m sorry, I thought you were ready-”

“Natsu-” You cried, hand scrabbling into the ground above your head, reaching, searching for your brother.

“Hey, hey, I’m here.” The man was immediately on his knees by your face, clasping your hand fervently, leaning down to put a sweet kiss on your nose. “Breathe honey, in and out. It’s okay.”

“Noo I-I.... ‘M scared, he’s-he’s-ah!” A stuttered cry broke from your chest as Izuku shifted slightly, inadvertently pushing deeper.

“No, it's gonna be okay. It's just like when we do it, yeah? He's gonna be nice.” And Natsuo is looking at Izuku, fixing him with such a pointed gaze and Izuku gets the message. He’s going to be nice.

It’s not like he wasn’t planning on it - the green haired man loves you.

But then the breath is sucked out of his chest as he comprehends what Natsuo had just comforted you with, that-that.

That you’ve fucked your brother.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.” Izuku chants, unable to stop his hips from inching back and forth, humnping into you in infinitesimal movements as arousal punches through his gut. “Sorry, I can’t stop-’h my god that’s-”

He can hear Touya cackle. “Damn, something really got him going.”

You were squeezing your eyes shut, clenching Natsuo’s hand so tight that the skin was whitening. Your brother didn’t seem to mind, more occupied with stroking your hair, eyes fixated on the soft jiggle of your breasts as Izuku humped you like a senseless virgin.

His breathing turned into wheezing, hitching when a presence was felt at his back.

“You can do better than that.” Enji’s hands were pressing against Izuku’s naked rear, making the green haired man flinch forward and away from the touch. But Enji merely pushed, propelling Izuku’s thrusts so that he would really fuck the warm, willing body beneath him.

“Izuk-Izu-Izuku-” You moaned, rocking your body to further spear yourself onto his cock, apparently finding the fast glide pleasurable as opposed to your hesitance earlier.

He leaned down to kiss you, both of you moaning into the kiss, hands wandering as you pushed to meet each other, Izuku’s stomach clenching tighter and tighter as he neared his release.

“She’s never had someone fuck her raw before...” Shouto mused, eyes glued to the scene in front of him, watching his best friend fuck his sister with the help of his family. “I wonder if it feels different.”

But his words were lost in the quick slap of skin meeting skin, Izuku’s grunts, your sweet little noises as you writhed and clutched at Natsuo’s hand, your other hand holding onto Izuku.

And then Izuku was gone, balls clenching and cock twitching inside you, pulsing as he shot his seed.

Your eyes fluttered shut, pulling your hand away from Natsuo to place it against your tummy, pressing right over where Izuku was still grinding against you. “Feels... feels so warm.”

Izuku was panting, sweat sticking his curls to his forehead, desire slowly swirling out of his body as he came.

What the fuck had he just done?

Enji clapped him once on the back, before rising to his feet. “Welcome to the family, son.”

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mrsbrekkers · 3 years

Note

Hi! How are you?

Could I get a Kaz Brekker imagine where he opens up to the reader after a job about his past and the next day he tells her it was a mistake and a lapse of judgement, quite harshly. And then the reader gets hurt after a heist and he realises how much he actually needs her.

Thank you <3

i’m doing pretty good! first kaz fic tehe, i’ve been waiting to do kaz brekker one-shots since i read the books. he is v much a comfort character. i understand his aversion to physical touch ( i have panic attacks at times because of so ), his humor, and inner dialogue so he is v dear and near to my heart yeeee

i switched up the next day bit and did it as the same time since it made more sense to me?? i’m not sure how to explain it haha

pairings! kaz x reader / jesper x wylan + nina x matthias ( with inej third wheeling because she’d so do so. )

reader is female in this, but i can make it non-gender specific if one would like me too! just let me know i’m very flexible in my writing!

warnings! talking about jordie, ptsd, trauma, talk of death, loss of a brother + mother, swear words, kaz being sad, panic attacks, blood, near death experience, pekka a-hole rollins,

word count; 2610 ( proud again haha )

one-shot under cut!

COMPANIONABLE SILENCE

The Slat had become uncharacteristically quiet. A successful heist on part of the Crows made for easy celebration amongst the Dregs. Most sat gambling at the Crow Club, drinking the night away. Jesper had been having a weirdly lucky night, the money in front of him displaying such. Wylan had been on Jesper’s leg the entire night, and the occasional ‘This is my lucky charm’ could be heard from Jesper. Inej and Nina sat drinking together, Matthias looking like an unwilling bystander to the girls' fun. And yet, Y/N found herself back at the Slat after the long day. Her back screamed at her to call it a night, but instead, she found herself in front of Kaz’s door.

It was a routine the two had when they were the only ones at the Slat. Y/N would sit on the bed, head in a book, and Kaz would sit quietly at his desk planning whatever it was Kaz Brekker decided to plan. It seemed the same tonight, with Y/N quietly reading, until her head lifted to see Kaz rubbing his eyes.

“You need to get more sleep. The amount you manage is minimal. I’m surprised you’re not dead yet,” Y/N commented, her book falling into her lap, the page she’d left off on now folded at the corner. It surprised her how Kaz managed to live off of his, if lucky, two hours of sleep. She’d never understand it. Granted, she slept less than the suggested as well, but she always made up for it with at least a nap during the day.

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

That might be sooner than you think at this rate. But Y/N wouldn’t take that for an answer. She wasn’t usually a pushy person, especially with Kaz Brekker. She’d learned being pushy with him was never a good idea, considering the amount of people who did were left with a ruined reputation and nothing to live with.

“Sleeping when you’re dead isn’t an option in Ketterdam. Even when you’re dead here, you’re really not. Especially when people know of you. And last time I checked, the entire city knows you, and half of it wants your head on a silver platter. I’m actually sure people outside of the city know you, and may want the same,” Y/N said, standing and moving over to the wooden desk, sitting across from Kaz. Her eyes landed on the work Kaz worked on, seeing another heist plan he was drawing out.

Kaz wasn’t going to give in easily, anyone who knew him knew he was stubborn. One of the most stubborn people who lived in Ketterdam, but he knew what Y/N was saying held some truth in it. One was never truly dead in Ketterdam. He suspected people would dig up his body to hand over to Pekka Rollins - no, he wouldn’t die before Pekka Rollins did, that was a promise he’d made himself after Jordie. Brick by Brick. He couldn’t pull Rollins apart if he was dead. Maybe that’s why he wasn’t dead yet: his vigor to destroy the man who’d killed his brother. But he did suspect that when he, Kaz Brekker, was dead, he’d never truly be dead.

“Even so, I have things to do, plans to make-”

“At 1 in the morning? I’m sure such plans aren’t going to disappear overnight.” Being cut off, Kaz casted Y/N a glare, eyes narrowing. Why she had such influence over him, he’d never know. Or, maybe he did know and wasn’t going to express why. Because why would he? Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason after all. He always had reasons though.

Finally, Y/N sighed. “I don’t expect you to listen to me, but I’m not going to let you rot away from the lack of sleep you get, Kaz. I am just as stubborn as you, and if I must? I will sit here and bug you about your lack of sleep until sunrise. Or until I inevitably fall asleep.” The smallest glimpse of a smile reached Kaz’s lips, an instinct to roll his eyes almost playfully too. Stubborn about the well-being of her friends was a Y/N special. Kaz had simply thought he’d have time before she got on his ass about his own health.

She’d already gotten on Wylan about his self-destructive habits. His tendency to blame himself for not being good enough. Y/N had practically choked him out once when he’d gone on a rant about how he was a problem for the Crows. A burden. Kaz himself had been somewhat frightened. She’d found ways to help Jesper and his gambling addiction, which usually included them gambling, but in ways that didn’t involve money. She’d gotten on Matthias for his excuses to not kiss Nina.

If Kaz remembered correctly, she’d called it ‘redirecting the issue’.

“You’re avoiding something,” Y/N then spoke, crossing her arms. Weren’t they all avoiding something? Kaz thought, huffing as he sat back into his seat. This was Ketterdam after all. If you weren’t running from some rich merchant, then you were running from their son. Wylan had simply been a lucky break in that usual streak.

“You say that as if we all aren’t running from something,” Kaz finally said out loud, his eyes casted downwards.

“Avoiding, Kaz. Not running, and something tells me the thing you’re avoiding isn’t something, but someone.” Y/N knew the look Kaz had on. She’d worn it herself dozens of times.

“I had a brother.” Kaz couldn’t bring himself to look directly at Y/N. It would make talking about this all too real. Too much. Was this a lapse in his judgement? Why was he telling her this? Had she managed to get so under his skin?

“We moved to Ketterdam after my father died. My brother . . . Jordie-'' the name came out with a small crack in his voice. He hadn’t said that name out loud since he’d laid on his sick brother’s chest. “Was hopeful about what the city would bring, and it brought peace for some time. We worked with a man for some time, and my brother was in on a deal. One that seemed too good to be true,” Kaz scowled now, his anger seeming to rise as he spoke.

Y/N sighed, knowing where this was going now. “When an offer is too good to be true-”

“It usually is. That man went by a different name then. One to scam people for their money to rise through the ranks of the Barrel.” Kaz finally lifted his eyes, seeing the realization rush over Y/N’s face.

“Pekka Rollins.”

“Pekka Rollins is the reason my brother is dead.”

The room fell silent for a few moments, Y/N contemplating what to say. She had a feeling she was among the few who knew Kaz’s story. She was tempted to ask how Joride died, but she could infer. She’d been around Ketterdam during the time firepox had plagued the city. Her mother had been taken from the disease. She’d been the same age as Kaz. It began clicking in her head too.

“I’m sorry,” Y/N murmured. “I know you probably don’t want my pity, but really, I’m sorry.” It made sense why Kaz felt like he needed to best Pekka Rollins. He wanted revenge. He wanted Rollins to be just as down as him and his brother had been.

Kaz sucked in a deep breath, standing and running a hand through his hair. His regret for telling the woman before him began to consume him. This was a mistake. Why had he told her? A harsh look fell over his face, looking down at the plans he had laid out. “I need to finish these plans, and I’m sure you need some sleep,” his tone was harsh, but it was clear there was hurt underlying it. He wasn’t going to be an outright asshole, but he needed his space now.

“You need sleep too, and I doubt you’re in the right headspace to try and make plans-”

“Y/N, leave.” He internally was begging. And Kaz Brekker never begged . . . but Kaz Rietveld would, and that’s who was begging.

“Kaz-”

“Leave.” Anger washed over his features, his eyes directing Y/N to the door.

Y/N sighed, walking towards the door. Before she turned the knob, she stopped. “You know being open about your past doesn’t make you weak, right?” But Kaz said nothing, afraid his voice would fail him. With no words spoken for a beat, Y/N opened the door, shutting it as she paced down the steps.

Her book still lied on the bed, the folded paper to the chapter she was on prominent. Kaz took one look at it before sighing and sitting in the chair, one tear making its way down his face.

---

It was supposed to be in and out. Another job. Another however much Kruge. Where is she? Kaz thought. Y/N was never one for being late. Sure she was working with Jesper, who was notoriously late, but she should’ve been out before Jesper was, and she wasn’t.

It’d been a week of no speaking. Kaz couldn’t speak to her after revealing so much. He feared it would become all too real. A common fear he had. Stealing, picking locks, it was all real to him, yes, but he never experienced reality when he was on a job. It was his way of ‘avoiding’ as Y/N would put it. But now, he couldn’t avoid the reality of this job.

The reality was: He’d ignored Y/N for a week in fear, and now she wasn’t at the rondevu point.

She’s Y/N, she isn’t dead. But that may not be true. She could indeed be dead. She could be, She could be, She could be.... Dozens of potential outcomes came to mind.

The world seemed to spin as he paced. Nina and Matthias had already tried to calm him. Nina had even tried to calm his heart rate down. Wylan seemed to be just as worried as Kaz as well, Jesper still out there alongside Y/N and all. Inej was calm, but it was clear she was worried too. They all were, but Kaz was being unusually emotional.

“At this rate, you’re going to have a heart attack Kaz,” Nina had said.

And if he did, then that’d be a first for the Bastard of The Barrel.

“And you’re not close to having one?” Wylan asked, shooting a glare over at Nina.

Kaz mentally thanked Wylan. At least he wasn’t the only one close to breaking down. Get in and out. In and out. What had gone wrong?

But then he heard the sound of boots running across the muddy ground, his eyes shooting up to see Jesper carrying a bleeding Y/N.

She’s bleeding. Who had hurt her? Kaz wasn’t sure, but anger filled him. That was until he fully internalized that Y/N was bleeding.

“Jesper, what happened?”

Jesper helped Y/N into the safe house, his breathing heavy as he helped her onto the bed of one of the rooms. “Rollins. He got word of the job. We became overwhelmed and Y/N here took a bullet to the shoulder.” Then Wylan was practically engulfing Jesper in a hug.

How? Was Kaz’s initial thought, but with a huff, he closed his eyes. Moving over to follow Jesper, he took off his coat. Upon entering the room Y/N was sitting in, he nodded towards her good arm, silently asking for her to take off the sleeve of the arm that was hit.

“I thought we weren’t speaking?” Y/N asked, groaning as she pulled the sleeve of her bad shoulder off with some help from Inej who pushed everyone else out of the room. Inej left as well, but gave Kaz a nod to let her know when he would need help.

Kaz didn’t lift his eyes to look at Y/N, his eyes steady on the bullet lodged in her shoulder. He pulled out the medical kit under the bed. Always prepared, Y/N thought.

“How did Rollins find out?” Y/N asked, watching Kaz pick up tweezers from the small medical kit.

“I’m not sure, but I plan on figuring it out. Stay still.” And Y/N did, knowing this was hard enough as it was for Kaz, she didn’t want to make it any harder. Squeezing her eyes shut as she prepared for the pain. She gripped onto the bed, seething as Kaz took the bullet out with the tweezers.

“I hope you know, I didn’t mean any harm last week.” Kaz knew what Y/N was referring too, and he simply nodded for the moment. Picking up the bandages from the kit, Y/N shook her head.

“Get Inej to do it, you’ve already pushed yourself enough.”

“It’s fine,” Kaz spoke, his voice firm.

“Kaz, don’t-”

“I want too.” His eyes lifted to finally look up at Y/N. She looked down as well, silently nodding. She understood Kaz enough to know this was his apology for ignoring her the past week.

“My mother, she died from firepox,” Y/N spoke quietly. She didn’t know how Kaz would take her bringing it up, but she felt that if she didn’t, they’d build up all this anger again. They’d ignore one another again. Kaz stalled. Flashes of Jordie and Reapers Barge consumed him for a few moments. Y/N’s skin turned cold, icy and raw. He flinched away from the feeling.

Then he heard it - Y/N’s heartbeat. She was living. She wasn’t a corpse. The heartbeat and blood were testament to that. She isn’t dead.

“I never told you how he died,” Kaz spoke quietly. He wasn’t used to talking about such subjects with anyone. It was the reason he’d taken on a different surname. That way he could cut ties with his past.

But for some reason, Y/N was able to make him feel . . . though begrudgingly, open with his past.

“I can infer, Kaz,” Y/N said with a small hiss as Kaz finished with the bandage, his hands shaky. “Now, you can continue ignoring me if you wish, I imagine you enjoy avoiding me.”

“I don’t enjoy it.” Kaz now had someone he connected with on a level he wasn’t used to. He wasn’t going to enjoy being apart from that.

“I know, I was simply making sure,” Y/N teased, her lips quirking in a small smile.

Kaz gave a small shake of his head, his lips pulling into a smile as well for just a moment. Then he picked up his coat he’d taken off. “I imagine you’re cold, here,” he spoke then, watching as Y/N took it and wrapped it around herself.

Then the door swung open, Nina rushing over to give Y/N a hug. “Kaz here almost had a heart attack. Wylan almost did. Jeez, never do that again,” she said, laughing a bit.

“Ouch, ouch, Nina,” Y/N spoke, referencing the still open wound on her shoulder.

“Sorry, sorry. We made food for you,” Nina said, smiling before handing Y/N a tray of food.

Kaz exited the room, allowing the others some time to talk to Y/N. Inej followed him, her arms crossed as she leaned against one of the walls.

“What information do you want me to get on Rollins?”

“Whatever you can find.” You’re not taking her from me Rollins, and you’d better be ready when I do come for you. Brick by Brick.

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13uswntimagines · 3 years

Text

A Little extra PDA (Omega!Alex x Alpha!Reader)

Request: omega Alex, maybe it was during the 2019 World Cup where she keeps getting fouled in every match so her alpha is extremely protective and they are just very cuddly in general?

Author’s Note: So Idk what this is, but i hope you enjoy it.

World cups were hard. Just being there was difficult, and winning- well that was even more of a challenge. But that wasn’t the part you and your team were struggling with the most. It was controlling your instincts that was proving to be the hardest thing you had to do. Even Alex straddling your lap didn’t put your inner alpha at ease.

With your mate being who she was, and you Being who you were, you should have expected and prepared for the special… attention teams were paying the two of you. But there was a limit to how much you could tolerate other alphas roughing up your omega (a very high limit) and you had just found it.

You let out a low growl and pulled the forward’s body tighter to you. You glared towards the alpha goalie who had gotten too close to the two of you, dominant pheromones pouring off you in waves. Alyssa froze mid-step, glancing helplessly at Becky as you bared your teeth over your omega’s shoulder.

The team had never seen you quite this territorial. You were usually one of the most relaxed alphas on the team. You didn’t flip out when Alex flirted with other people (you were more than used to her personality as you had been mated since college), and the fans' obsession with your mate (and her determination to meet them all) didn’t even phase you.

But throughout this tournament, your tobin level chillness seemed to dwindle and the team had absolutely no idea how to handle this new and terrifying side of you.

“Y/n, it’s ok. Alyssa is just going to her locker. She won’t touch Alex,” Christen said softly, holding her hand up to stop Alyssa from stepping any further.

Your head snapped towards your oldest friend and you bared your teeth.

“Yeah, that doesn’t work on me,” She laughed, rolling her eyes. Christen had known you since the two of you were pups and she knew that you were more bark than bite, especially when it came to her (hell even Tobin trusted you with her omega). She may be an omega, but she wasn’t afraid to call you on your bullshit, and you usually responded well to her (almost as well as you did to Alex).

“No,” You growled, eyes turning back to Alyssa who had taken an unwise step forward. You let out another wave of dominant pheromones that had the keeper frozen in her tracks. Her locker was too close to you. Too close to your mate.

Alex sighed in your lap, finally pulling her face out of your neck. She shared a look with Christen, before using one hand to turn your chin away from the keeper and towards her. Your snarl ceased immediately and your scent shifted into something much more inviting for your mate.

She ran a soothing finger over your cheek, leaning in very close to you. “Baby, she’s not gonna hurt me. And I’ve got you to protect me anyway,” she said softly and you could feel her breath across your lips.

You hummed (the team didn’t know if it was in agreement or denial), and leaned in the final centimeter to connect your lips with Alex. Alex’s fingers tangled in the baby hairs at the back of your neck and pulled you closer to her. She could feel how settling holding her was for you leaking through your bond.

You were so engrossed in the kiss that you didn’t notice your mate waving Alyssa over with her free hand. The keeper crept forward towards her locker, and it wasn’t until she got there that you realized she had entered your little bubble.

A loud growl ripped from your chest and you attempted to pull back, but Alex’s fingers tightened on your neck and her free hand slipped under your shirt to scratch your abs gently. “No baby, focus on me,” She murmured, pulling you in for another kiss.

Your low growl turned into a purr as you slipped your hands into the waistband of Alex’s kit shorts and squeezed her ass lightly.

Alyssa very quickly finished what she was doing, terrified of facing your wrath again (though she was pretty sure that Alex had you adequately distracted- she was really going to have to thank the omega later).

Emily scrunched her nose at the display, leaning very close to her alpha to whisper out a nearly inaudible “That’s gross,”

Alex couldn’t stop your angry rumble this time, or how you disengaged from the kiss to bare your teeth at the frat daddy pair (though you didn’t remove your hands from your mate’s ass).

“whoa, whoa. I meant that lovingly,” Emily said, raising her hands in defense.

You had known Kelley almost as long as you had known Christen, and the grace you showed her usually extended to her mate as well. But it wasn’t a good idea to fuck with you when your instincts were already so far on edge. She was just lucky that you didn’t hit her with the dominant scent you used to deter Alyssa (you would never risk overstepping with an omega though).

Kelley nudged her mate’s side, eyeing you very carefully. She had seen you like this only once before, just before you and Alex had mated for the first time, and that had ended in a fistfight.

“Try not to provoke her more alright?”

“But it’s so fun,” Emily whined, leaning further into her alpha to avoid your glare.

Alex shot the other omega a look over her shoulder. “Not the time,” she huffed, her fingers resuming their rubbing on your abs and the back of your neck, and she let out her own soothing scent, trying to ease your inner alpha.

It wrapped around you like a thick blanket, and you allowed it to calm you enough to look away from what your inner alpha was convinced was a threat to your mate (you knew there were no threats within the team, but you couldn’t help the roaring in your chest). When you did, she pulled the hand that was rubbing your neck back, so she could run her fingers along your cheek, brushing stray hairs behind your ear.

You leaned into the touch, closing your eyes, letting yourself relax into her for the moment.

“And you two can’t talk anyway. You’ve literally been caught by everyone on the team,” Tobin smirked, pulling Christen into her for good measure. She was sure she would lose some of her chill too if her mate was getting taken down half as much as Alex was. Hell, she was impressed with how much control you were showing over your inner animal (though that could still change considering you had 3 very difficult games ahead of you).

“I take offense to that,” Emily grumbled, drawing the room's attention back to her (several of the vets rolled their eyes), now was not the time to try and lift the room’s vibe with humor. You weren’t in a stable enough mood to laugh it off like you typically would.

Another low growl rumbled in your chest, but Alex’s hand in your cheek kept you from actually turning away from her again. “Good,”

“Be nice,” Alex chastised softly, leaning in to place another kiss to your lips (physical touch was always the best way to distract you. Plus you were a really good kisser).

“Hmm, what’s in it for me?” You asked against her lips.

She smirked, pulling back just a little, and twirling one of your stray hairs between her fingers. “I’ll let you do that thing you like after we win,”

You hummed, leaning up to kiss the underside of her jaw, grazing just below her scent gland. “I believe we have a deal,”

The team sighed in relief that Alex seemed to have you back under control. They would definitely take a little extra PDA over you being a knothead anyday.

#uswnt imagine #uswnt imagines #uswnt x reader #alex morgan imagine #alex morgan x reader

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l-artemisia-del-secolo · 3 years

Text

That time of the month

Yelena Belova X reader, one shot, angst+fluff, mentions of Red Room methods of control, dealing with their consequences, overall a heavy topic

You had that feeling every month. Yelena was hiding something from you. Something very personal. Something after all this time you didn't deserve to hear. For a few days she was quiet, distant, cold. Your clingy girlfriend was turning into someone else. You didn't know that version of Yelena. That one wasn't yours. And she didn't allow you to change that.

Sometimes she was on the missions during those days. You hated yourself for thinking that was a relief. A relief from a woman you wanted to spend your life with.

You remembered vividly when this happened for the first time. Your first month together. Every time you touched her that day she flinched. Your Yelena didn't want you. And that was hurtful.

Other than these few days you had perfect relationship. You both wanted to have a home, a family, white fence. A cliche fucking fence. You wanted a life together. You two, your dogs, maybe a parrot. Who knew.

Maybe it was all your fault. You were not supportive enough, not open enough. Not dying for Yelena enough.

You met on a rainy day in a coffee shop with her colleagues, damn dark avengers, daring her to approach you. Any other person would get a cold smile and idontcarewhoyouarenoidontwanttohaveagoodtime. But you've noticed her before she even looked at you. With her weirdly low voice and a confusing laugh. And apparently with both a knife and a multitool sticking out of her vest.

On your first date Yelena brought you to a race track. 'cause you mentioned you've never ridden a bike. Sure, she had a BMW, modified by some genius. You were driving a Peugeot.

On a second date she brough you to the shooting range. Before that you shot from a slingshot once or twice in your childhood.

On a third date there was an attack on the facility. She had to go. After the attack she went to your apartment and stayed there. It's been 4 months.

You were so different, but managed to be a perfect match.

She even introduced you to her family. Weird and, well, Russian. Allowed you to walk her dog and even wear her vest.

She loved you. But your Yelena loved you. Not that distant one.

You had a guess. of course you did. But that was a vague answer. The one you didn't want to say out loud.

For 4 months not once did you notice Yelena having "that time of month". Not a single word or sign. She could have had them on her missions, while she was away. While she was saving a world. You tried to ask once, but she quickly brushed it off

Your Yelena would tell you if there was something. You were sure.

Until one day you felt a familiar pain. You could swear someone was squeezing everything inside. Luckily Yelena was near. Burning your neck with her breath. one of calmer nights or mornings rather. without nightmares or muffled screams.

You groaned. Your periods have always been so painful. First day almost unbearable.

"are you all right?" Of course Yelena woke up.

"no, I'm..." Another spasm.

And than Yelena got it. Your painkiller. It was on her side of the bed, 'cause of the recent injury.

She gave it to you. "Don't drink them, until I get you some water."

You could hear her walking barefoot to the kitchen, trying not to wake up Fanny.

Two minutes and she was with you. Stroking your hair, kissing your palms. She would always do that. Her ritual.

You took the tablet.

"I'm so sorry I woke you up." You could feel your body heating up.

"it's ok, babe. I know how it's for you. Do you want anything else?"

"No, it's fine. I guess I need to go to the gynecologist. Maybe she would recommend me something. Pain is getting worse every time"

"Sure. I'll go with you."

"maybe I should go to a different doctor. Which one do you go to?"

Yelena froze. She stopped caressing you. A familiar feeling. Those days. Cold days.

"Babe..." You kissed her cheek to get attention.

"Yeah. I was just... You know, I'll ask Kate if she could..."

"Sure. But I was asking you, babe. Where did you go the last time you did a check up? Or you have one at your facility?"

"Нет (no), нет (no), у нас нет (we don't have one)."

Something was very wrong. With you Yelena was using Russian very rarely. When she was mad or... lost. Like that one time she didn't understand your interaction with a friend and got jealous. Or when Fanny had a surgery after an accident with a bulldog.

"i... Well ... Просто (just) I don't do check ups"

"what?" You were not hearing it right. Yelena is in her top form. She has to be. Her organism has to be in perfect condition.

"мне не нужно (no need)."

"how is that possible?"

You didn't want to push her. Be nosy.

"hey, babygirl." You cautiously took her hand and stroked it. "Remember. It's your safe place."

"Yeah." She smiled weakly. "And you're my safe person."

You had this conversation before. Many times. Piece by piece she was telling you about her past. Blood on her ledgers. That's her term. At first you were terrified. But day by day, story by story you taught herself to understand her and never to judge.

"Do you want to call Fanny to lay with us?"

"No, I'll be fine."

You expected her to get up and add the distance between you two. But she did the opposite. She hugged you and started talking.

"I've told you about the Red Room. You know what I've been through. Physical, psychological torture. Humiliation and manipulation. We were mindless robots. And you know what a robot doesn't need?."

She let out a bitter laugh. "I never specifically told you what they did to us. What would be the point? Напугать тебя или надавить на жалость? (To scare you or to make you feel sorry?). Нас бы это убило (this would kill is). Well, attachments and feelings. You see where I'm going with this?"

Yelena looked you in the eyes. Hers filled with tears and sadness. She was afraid. She never told this story to anyone outside the Red Room. She lived with this. Not a burden. But rather a fact. Reality. Truth. Days of the months when she felt nothing.

You slowly nodded. Your Yelena was lost. And she was lost even when she was with you. And you didn't see that.

"They call it a церемония (ceremony). Hysterectomy. No emotions, no desires, no problems." Yelena sobbed. "I'm sorry, I didn't tell you before. You have a right to know."

You did have a right to know. Sure. But that wasn't the thing that mattered now. Somehow you already thought of that. Somewhere deep inside, barely a though but a sensation. But now, hearing it from her broke your heart, tore your nerves apart and took away your peace.

"It's.. it's not about me." You tried really hard to sound confident. "Babygirl, I... I won't say that I understand what you've been through or what you feel. But I swear I'll be there for you. It's our family, our pack, our fence. Remember, we're each others life."

How cheap it all sounded. You knew that. Yelena knew that. You took her face in your hands, touched her forehead with yours and whispered. "You're my Yelena. We're gonna go through this together. You're not alone."

"you sure you want me like this?"

"there's no like this. Just my Yelena"

#black widow 2021 #black widow fic #marvel self insert #yelena belova #yelena belova fanfiction #yelena belova imagine #yelena belova x reader #yelena belova x you #might be slitly ooc

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beann-e · 3 years

Text

Haikyuu! Characters reacting to their s/o Fighting for them

Also i’m taking request !! go put something in the box :4

Tendou

he would enjoy it so much like he’d have a full on conversation while your doing it. He’d even start hyping you up In the back because he knows that’s all it takes to fuel your fire.

Only for you to find out the person who was hitting on him wasn’t talking about him but was talking about another guy and tendou only made it seem like they were so he could piss you off because he finds it so hot when your upset

Your eyes went pointed to the scene in front of you when you walked down from the bleachers. Feet heavy on the ground as you tried to contain your anger.

How did this chick get down here faster than you and why the hell was she talking to your boyfriend once again faster than you ?

You steps slowed as you walked up to them hoping to hear a little bit of the conversation “ yeah I thought it was really hot and I just wanted to say wow up close and personal y’know “

Your eyes widened hot ?

what the hell did she think was hot ?

“ I was uh I was up in the stands and I was honestly a little bit intimidated to come down here and talk to anyone actually —in the first place “ she laughed clutching her bag a little tighter when your boyfriend licked his lips before his teeth came down to nibble on his bottom one lightly, eyes feigning innocence as he listened to her “ especially you so this is like a big milestone for me “

you watched as your boyfriend smiled softly “ yeah I get it — really i’d be the exact same way with a crush I wouldn’t know how to act or even how to talk to them i’ve actually been there before so “

good good you thought praising tendou in your head at the fact that he was trying to slowly bring up the fact that he had a s/o. clapping for him in your head for trying to let the girl in front of him down easily

your body darting to hide behind a group of teenagers when you saw your boyfriends eyes lift up from the girl and look around as if he was checking for someone he must have been wondering where you were. breathing out a sigh of relief that he turned to look over your way too slowly only missing you by a second

“ oh really I assumed that— “

“ no no your good i’m not saying it in that way “

your face dropped ‘in what way ? ‘

“ I understand the fear of talking to your crush but trust me “ he nodded his head towards the girl In front him before he took a sip of water and smiled down on her “ you’ve got no reason to be nervous i’m right her—“

“ hi “ you waved steps quick on the floor beneath you and voice loud to show your presence “ yes y— yes you do “ you laughed reaching your hand out to shake the girls own in front of you

“ i’m y/n — the s/o— of 3 years —is there ? is there anything wrong did something happen to where he needed an emergency check up or something ? “

the sarcasm in your voice making your boyfriend smirk to himself at the way you just jumped into the situation all to protect your relationship it made him feel secure, happy even

it made him in a way feel greedy

your head coming up to look at tendou as you snaked an arm around his waist like he’d done to you in similar situations. Your other one moving to place itself on his chest “ babe are you ok ? are you hurt ? how badly to call a stranger over here ? “

“ baby no nothing like that she just wanted to congratulate me“ he locked eyes with you the slight smirk he still wore ignored by you due to anger at the drama unfolding before you and his next statement. His words coming out soft and sweet though they were meant to encourage his evil agenda “ before you “

“i’m sorry I wasn’t down here to congratulate him on his win so he must have looked lonely “

you shook your head in sadness at the girl “ and open but “ you smiled “ no he’s not—I understand the confusion you must be going through right now but its just miscommunication from your classmates—which leads me to wonder—please tell me what’s your name ? i’ve never seen you before and I bet your not aware of who I am either so introductions could help both of us out here “

“ oh uh i’m niccolo” the girl shook her head softly and wearily as you pulled back quickly

“ mm niccolo— niccolo “ you spoke rubbing the same hand youd just shook niccolos with down your shirt causing your boyfriend to smile to himself and his eyebrows to raise at all the knowing looks from his teammates about the shit storm he’d just put into motion as he planted a small innocent kiss to your forehead while winking to his teammates behind you

“ never heard of it you must be a first year ? “ your boyfriends head shook slightly as he looked to the floor thinking about how that might have been a little bit rude considering she was just a young girl maybe 16 at most.

His mind rolling with thoughts of maybe cutting the game he was playing short because of her age only for him to side eye you and take a sip from his water bottle again ‘ nah they’ve got it ‘

“ oh y-yes i’m new here—i’ve taken the phrase first year a bit too literal “ she joked smile seeming to be forced her hands twitching in nervousness

“ mm — I never would’ve thought “ you spoke sarcastically. Almost every first year knew not to talk to tendou after a game not unless you were down there already.

The both of you had established that as soon as the game is over your the only person who gets to say congratulations to him first since he explained that it means more to him to know that you’ll always be there no matter what he does

no matter if he wins or loses he’ll get to walk off that court and the first thing he sees is the person he loves most with their hands out waiting for a hug. he’s told you that in the moment he wants to feel like your the only one watching because it’s a private game played for you because he believes your so lucky to get to see your smoking hot boyfriend do blocks.

“ oh thank you no ones ever told me that I look older before may I ask why you thin— “

“ because your dum— “

“ haha um “ tendou stretched before speaking again “ because your just really pretty for a first year “ your body went rigid you almost felt like you couldn’t feel anything not even the heat that was radiating off your body

“ aw thank you so much that means a lot y/n was it? “ she smiled genuinely before laughing “ tendous so nice i’m really glad I came down here first before y’know all the fangirls came down “

she shook her head “ y’know I actually got scared because I thought you were one — I was like ahhhh here comes one of those scary stalker girls “ she laughed “ tendou was telling me not to be afraid since he knew you but I was telling him to be careful when talking to people like you —- once again I thought you were a fan girl so I mean you can’t blame me right?”

Yeah she was screwed this had went too far he was too late

“ y/n “ his voice was warning but you waved him off listening to the girl in front of you her voice sounding so confident and honest believing in everything she was saying. Voice pouring through and mouth still moving almost as if she had no filter

she looked to her feet “I doubt any of them would even have a chance with tendou though because— “

your body roared as she explained her reasoning.

You were only feeling this angry at her words because not only did she call you a tendou fangirl but she explained that even if you were one you would have no chance with him even though that’s actually how you two started dating.

Then for her to turn around and rub it in your face how she got downstairs before you oh god you were gonna have a field day with this little twerp if you didn’t find a way to put her in her place respectfully

“ hey um tendou do you think me and my fellow fan girl here can have some alone time just a small chat “

“ oh wow i’ve never had one of those before “ she smiled as tendou stood still wondering if he’d done the right thing by encouraging all of this or if he should just drop it or maybe even sit down and enjoy it

looking down at you cautiously a slight smirk on his face thinking about your face when he would get the chance to you the truth of the situation but only for it to drop as the girl across from him stole his attention away from you causing him to perk up a bit honestly surprised that she spoke again

Was she suicidal or ?

“ I think he may not be leaving because he isn’t comfortable with you yet—he told me earlier that we could be best friends so , he may listen to me more “ she smiled “ tendou I wanna talk to um —y/n so could you maybe give us some time alone —“ her smiling wider almost as if happy to call him her friend —before speaking “ I wanted to help you out “

‘ holy shit she’s testing my patience’

tendous loud laugh ripped through the gym as he grabbed goshiki and turned the both of them around to walk off words heavy and holding meaning “ yeah I know em’ —I know em’ real well physically and mentally trust me your going to have a bestie number two soon enough “

you watched as your boyfriend went to sit on the bench talking softly with goshiki as he put his hands in his pants pockets not paying attention to you two anymore

“ so wha— “

“ look “ you smiled “ i’m gonna be real sweet about this so we can tie this up in a neat little bow “ you pointed towards tendou

“ ‘m not a fan anymore he’s my boyfriend — we’ve been dating for 3 years now ever since we were first years. I met him through a fan club because he saw the art I drew for their game posters and enjoyed it. I told him I liked how passionate he was about something and how he had his own thing and did it in his own unique way that worked for him and then boom we ended up getting closer—closer then need be sometimes “

you sighed as you moved to close the conversation out “ look just please — I understand your a first year you may not know and that’s ok but ; me and my boyfriend like for me to be the first one who gives him a congratulations at the end of a match he never talks to anyone except his team until I do it — he says it’s like reassurance tht he’s doing good he’s had some stuff happen in the past that just — he needs praise and reminders that he’s doing good with his sport and I supply that he doesn’t want it from anyone else and I don’t want anyone else to give it “

you looked to the girl with sympathy in your eyes hoping you didn’t hurt her feelings she really was just a young kid “ it’s ok to have a crush I had one we all do at a point in our lives but right now your hitting on someone in a secure relationship ok ? start asking first please just to be safe in your future years “

her eyes went wide as she moved to speak “ mm I guess I was wrong “

you shook your head “ wrong ? excuse me for not understanding but wrong how“

“ I uh I assumed you weren’t one of those fan girls and I was wrong I did not mean to get in between your weird obsession just please do not harm him or anything like you guys tend to do “

your body blazed eyes lit up in a hard stare at everyone who now turned to face you hearing the girls loud words

“ again with the fan shit “

“ that is what you guys are called I will not call you his s/o if he does not know you “

“ HES MY BOYFRIEND YOU ASSHOLE “

“ wh— “

“ I tried to be nice to you but your not accepting it it’s like you want me to scream at you “

“ yeah babe she totally does “ tendous smile spreading slowly across his face at the way your hips moved to work with your mouth in showing off your evident pissed off mood

“ I know “ you screamed “ she just wants to make this harder for me “

“ duh “ his tongue coming out to swipe across his bottom lip eyes falling down to your hands that were clenched so tightly in anger waving around widely your pissed off expression sending heat traveling across his body

“ you have a child’s crush on him and I keep telling you I don’t mind but I explained to you to just be respectful and then you go and disrespect me again“

“ they are very lenient when it comes to crushes on me “

“ thank you baby —I try not to be rude because I myself was once a fan in a club for the team so trust me I understand but everyone is usually respectful I don’t understand how you “

“ she’s just a first year babe you have to explain it to her more “ he smiled thinking up a new way to see how far you would go for him “ like in depth “

“ I DID “

“ no baby you gotta get rough with her “

you turned with your eyebrows furrowed “ like fight “

he smirked at you body shaking at the way you whimpered out the words but moved to put your hair up anyways yet, again putting him first and your cloudy anger ridden mind second

god you were so hot whenever you showed everyone you’d do anything for him “ fuck — yeah baby your doing the right thing —don’t think about it too much “

you shook your head softly as you battled through it in your head tendou always knew how to get a rise out of you and how to make you do what he wanted you to more so for fun.

It didn’t take much for you to listen to him especially when you couldn’t think clearly because he was the only person there who cared for you and anything he did you knew would only be for his own entertainment purposes he’d never have you do anything bad or that put your safety at risk.

when you were angry —and had someone hyping you up and adding fuel onto the fire it was only 10x worse and tendou knew this

“ here y/n baby—let’s take this outside I don’t want you to get hurt by fighting in here come on you can do it out there “

“ tendou you asshole quit encouraging this shit“ semi whispered

“ I do not understand what is going on —i find myself with a loss of knowledge in this situation but I do feel as though tendou is in the wrong it is only a gut feeling “

the girl in front of you trembled at ushijimas voice—before looking to goshiki who held wide eyes as he waved to the girl hesitantly her eyes darting away and back to him eyebrows coming together as she looked around the gym embarrassed “ but he — he didn’t say anything about you—I didn’t know he didnt tell me “

“ wh—what babe — liar I call liar she’s lying baby — pleas— ow “

your head finally clearing up as you listened to his team talk about how much of a prick he was you reaching out and grabbing the top of his ear and bringing it down to your height while he screamed out in pain “ BECAUSE HES AN ASSHOLE “

“ hey baby I’m sorry i’m sorry but that’s — thats “ his hair went down to cover his face as he looked at you “ thats not cool “

“ I — I didn’t know “

“ but I told you twice “

“ and I — I haven’t had the best experienc— “ her bottom lip trembled before she took off crying when she met the young boys eyes behind her.

Goshiki shaking softly eyes lit up in confusion before he shook his head and pulled himself away from the embarrassing situation to run after her your boyfriend moving to wrap his arms around your waist from the back “ your so hot “

“ but I “

“ you were wrong though so I see looks don’t always pair up with smarts “

“ huh “

“ she wasn’t hitting on me “

“ but she “

“ she has a crush on goshiki this is her first time attending a volley’ game and she accidentally came down the wrong way so it landed her down here faster than everyone else”

your body stiffened “ she only ended up talking to me because I was going into the hallway towards the locker rooms when she for some reason was coming down the opposite way crying to me about how she was lost “

“ then you — you two were talking abo— “

“ she’s a bit fragile —- and she was explaining it and I saw how we were the same because she’s had a hard past too so she’s a bit wary around others—and hates confrontation due to drama at ‘er old school and she doesn’t know much of the people here because she’s a first year also she doesn’t talk much which kinda threw me off when she started having full conversations with you and trying her best to connect with you“ he shrugged “ must’ve thought you were cool —wanted to be your friend or some shit”

he smiled proudly at the fact that you could make people other than himself feel that comfortable around you him peppering kisses all around your face “ she was telling me how she thought goshiki was hot and when I brought up that I was his amazingly beautiful senpai she just wanted me to introduce her to him — she said she’s afraid of people and fangirls because she hasn’t had the best experiences with them she explained one time in middle school she got a bento box thrown at her because a guy from the volleyball team said hi to her “

your body immediately dropped “ you knew her whole life story and then some and let me embarrass myself “

“ well honestly you both did you just a bit more than her “

oikawa

he would praise you so much the whole time. He has fangirls and he loves when you show him why your more important than them. he loves for you to stop him and put them in their place while showing him his own.

He knows it’s not right to flirt with other girls but the excitement and pure happiness he gets when he watches you fight for him with such passion similar to his own for volley he loves it

“ oikawa ~~” A small voice called out before tucking a strand of hair behind their ear “ can we maybe get some photos ? “

holy shit it’s like everyday at this point

“ baby can I ? “

“ just go “ his eyes darted to the group before he looked back at you “ really —swear i’ll be right behind you pretty boy “

He smiled before running off to the group grabbing the pen someone held out for him and writing all over the billions of notepads girls waved in front of his face.

You knew it looked wrong for him to have a s/o and still entertain other girls or guys for that matter but, you knew oikawa. You knew exactly how he felt about them it wasn’t that he was interested or liked them it was that he liked their comments

he liked the attention.

He was someone who needed constant praise to feel like he was doing his best. Hearing all the cheers , all of the shouts of his name, seeing the signs and people that would come to games specifically for him only made him feel like he was human like he was real and talented—appreciated

You would never take that away from him you could never, when you two started dating you explained to him you knew how important his fans were to him and as long as he kept a certain line that couldn’t be crossed— that he would always come back to you. Everything would be ok.

You slowly walked up behind him leaving space for people to have a hard time differentiating if you were apart of the crowd or with him but you were still close enough to hear the whispers of how hot he was and honestly he was.

He had the muscles—the beautifully glowing skin that others around you two dreamed of and to put a topping on the cake he was still sporting his ruffled hair from his earlier game. He was your dream man and you were lucky to even be able to stare at him behind closed doors or at least that’s what he told you whenever you walked into his room.

“ oikawa-san “

“hmm “ he spoke staring down on the girl that reached out to grab his arm as he was turning to leave

“ could I talk to you please “

his eyes darted to find yours locking on them when he finally found them. His mouth now moving to mouth a question as you shook your head lightly you’d give him five more minutes he deserved it and you wanted him to feel like he’d done a good job at his game today ,which he really did do, him only going back to the girl in front of you two

“ oh well I really wanna — i’m supposed to —“ he sighed out before he collected himself “ I want to take my s/o home before it gets too late I don’t want them walking alone at night “

“ oh s/o “ her voice dropped as he shook his head up and down “ correct of 2 years “

“ oh my um congratulations— to many more to many more with many more “ she rushed out quickly reaching in her backpack

“ thank you our anniver— “

“ could we get a picture “

he sighed before his smile spread only growing into a fake one lips going tight on his face “ yes of course just one i’d like to get on the ro— “

His breathing stopped as he felt the girl next to him lay her lips on his. The click of the camera making his eyes go wide as he shook. Oikawa to most wasnt one who was as submissive as he was with you. He was a bit more ‘ manly ‘ to other people but around you he always fell into submission especially when he knew he fucked up

His eyes slowly moved to find yours that flaming as you stared down the girl in front of him . You leaning against the wall only making him feel a shiver move down his spine.

Had he fucked up that badly that you weren’t even moving.

He kept looking between you and the girl in front of him eyes trying to convey his thoughts as they screamed

‘ look y/n she’s still talking to me — at this point she’s fucking with me not the other way around ‘

His mind went blank as you walked over your face made up into a stoic one voice coming out monotoned devoid of annoyance or any feeling at all “ your lips must be magnets or some shit“

“ excuse me “

“ oh no it’s just that Insee you’ve put your lips on my boyfriend“ your eyes creased at the girl before looking up and down in curiosity “ so I was just wondering if your big mouth was hiding a magnet or something — anything really to explain why you would put your dirty ass mouth on my rather pristine boyfriend “

Pristine ? his body went upright standing a bit taller ‘ hell yeah i’m pristine keep em coming babe ‘

“ are you not going to apologize ? “

“ I uh “ her eyes went up into sadness and fear as the courage that once swirled through her left upon seeing your emotionless stare. She’d just kissed your boyfriend and you looked like you were walking dogs or doing an everyday house chore “ i’m sor—sorry “

“ oh not to me “ you let out a small head nod over to oikawa “ I meant him “

“ oh oh um yes “ she coughed before she made eye contact with oikawa whos eyes were creasing as he stared down on the frail girl before him

“ i’m sorry “

“ no go on take your time “

“ i apologize that “

“ really I know it’s hard to apologize to someone as pristine as me“ your boyfriend moved to nudge you softly “ isn’t that right y/n“ he spoke as he tried and failed to wink down at you

“ uh yeah babe um “ you shook your head as your eyebrows furrowed before you returned to your earlier self “ wait what oikawa stop playing and fix this shit “

“ oh uh “ he straightened himself up at your words “ what were you suppose to be saying again “

“ oh I just wanted to um “ she turned to make eye contact with you before jumping a bit and turning away squeaking out her words “ i’m sorry for hitting on you knowing that you had a s/o “

“ oh ok that’s it? ” his body sulked as he looked to the floor

“ that’s it ? — you don’t care that she hit on you asshole“ you slapping his arm harshly before he whimpered at the contact

“ what’s wrong baby “ your hand came up to rub his back and arm while he pouted turning away from the both of you

“ I just wanted her to she was sorry “

“ ‘kawa she did we can go home now “

“ no she didn’t say it the way I wanted her to “

your hands fell from him as you let out a huff of air before turning to the girl in front of you and moving to whisper in her ear as she sat confused unmoving In her spot before smiling softly and speaking uncomfortably and regretting her decision to ask the male out

“ oikawa “ she coughed his eyes looking over at her while still holding up his dramatic show “ I just wanted to say i’m sorry for hitting on your s/o’s “

Her eyebrows furrowed before she looked to you who was mouthing the words and shaking her head in an ok motion “ pretty boy —“ he perked up at the words “I will never hit on someone of your elegantly pure , flawlessly clean , stature ever again “

Yes he made her embarrass herself by asking for more kind uplifting words more so to make himself feel better than for you. All the while he enjoyed the praise he received from not only the person he loved but the person he didn’t.

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