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natasha-in-space · 1 year

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Safe and Sound

GE!Saeran/gn!reader:

Saeran's love for you was unconditional, just like the promise of happiness you've made to each other in the blooming garden of discord. However, learning to accept that kind of love was not as easy as you thought it would be. While, undeniably, some days were bright and happy... on days like this one, you couldn't help but struggle with your insecurities concerning your relationship.

TW for: feelings of severe insecurity, low self-esteem, depressive thoughts.

There was no doubt in your heart regarding Saeran's feelings for you. No, his love for you was undeniable and unwavering in its affection, even as the warm summer sun would inevitably flow into cold autumn winds and merciless winter storms. After all, after even the harshest of winter comes the comforting warmth of Spring. Such is the rule of all four seasons. And, each new passing season that you've spent by each other's side would only lead to new happy memories for you to look back on and smile as you flip through Saeran's diary whenever he wanted to share his new colorful scribbles with you. The promise of happiness that you two have made to each other all those years ago never faded away with time: it only grew stronger with the soil you've provided through your shared love and patience toward one another even in the darkest of times. Much like nourishing a flower, your love was growing and changing with time.

But... it wasn't Saeran's love that bothered you so much that you barely left the bed throughout the day. The source of your distress was a much more complicated enemy to beat since it was your own mind trying its damnest to make your life as miserable as possible. Some days were better than others. In fact, there were even some days when you felt like you were truly happy: like you could finally see the world for what it truly is, instead of focusing solely on depressing things that would only bring you down. And some days felt like you were living a nightmare. So, like the aftermath of any nightmare, all you could really do was hide yourself away inside of your comfy bed, tucked away in a bundle of blankets and pillows, and hope that it would all pass you soon enough.

You made an effort to shut out and ignore the insecurities and doubts that buzzed inside your head like a swarm of angry wasps, and were determined to destroy the enemy that dares to oppose them. Why did your own brain view its rightful owner as a foe to be tortured like this, you had no idea. But, you had no choice but to deal with it one way or another. Not like you could turn off your own thoughts, even if you wanted to.

It's possible that lying to Saeran was a bad idea rather than relying on him for support during this challenging time. No, it was definitely a bad idea for you to isolate yourself like this, but you did it anyway. You were slowly learning to accept your own shortcomings, to stop punishing yourself for messing up every once in a while, but... today, it seems like all you could do was make one stupid mistake after another. So, you refused to reach out for help, your own isolation serving as a twisted form of self-punishment you were inflicting onto yourself for being so weak-minded. It wasn't healthy, and it wasn't helping you in the slightest.

As you lay there, listening to the clock tick by, you slowly but surely fell into the self-doubt pit that you knew all too well. It was no surprise to you to find Saeran in the center of it all. You hated your mind for twisting the truth like that. However hard you tried to fight it, eventually, you were simply in too deep to get out. These hateful thoughts of yours were like a swamp full of thick tar that would never let you leave unscathed, once you were unlucky enough to fall in. Picking apart every kind word he ever said to you, trying to expose the lies that weren't even there to begin with, convincing yourself that he was just confused... It was painful. You didn't want to do that. You didn't want to do that to Saeran and you didn't want to do that to yourself, either. But, you couldn't help but question this newfound happiness you've found with him by your side.

Did you really... deserve someone as warm and loving as Saeran in your life? Maybe he would have been better off without you and your depressive episodes. After all, he wanted to see the world, to be happy and free... and you were only holding him back from achieving that. What is he getting out of babying you, as if you weren't a full-functioning adult who should be able to take care of themselves just fine? Sure, maybe you did help him sometimes... but, it was all overshadowed by your worst days that he had to withstand by your side.

As you immerse yourself further in the messy blankets, you shut your eyes tightly, helplessly hoping that this pathetic attempt to hide from your cruel thoughts would finally be successful. You hated being confined to your own bed like this, but you hated the idea of getting up even more. On days like these, you tended to avoid looking at yourself in the mirror or... looking at yourself overall, really. Your choices weren't ideal, but you'd much rather spend your day hating your character, rather than your body. So, burying yourself into the blankets up to your nose until you couldn't see much of yourself was the only option that worked best.

It felt like every single thing about you was wrong, both in and out.

But, Saeran viewed you differently. You were his love, his angel, and his promise of happiness. And, even despite your worst traits being at play here, just the thought of his tender smile and soft voice made your chest ache in a much different way than before. You missed him. It felt so silly. You isolated yourself like this on purpose, but here you were, already desperately hoping for him to come in and chase all of your demons away with his warm touch like he always did.

So, so stupid...

As you were about to shed a few tears, the bedroom door swung open, causing you to almost fall out of your bed from shock. Maybe getting so tangled up inside of your blankets wasn't as functional as you initially thought after all. Either way, you were way too embarrassed to show your face, since you didn't have to guess on the identity of this bold intruder of yours. There was only one person in the entire world who could come barging in into your room like this whenever you were having a hard time. Knowing full well how stupid you were behaving, you hid your head under the blanket regardless, staying quiet as the soft pitter-patter of footsteps hurriedly moved closer and closer to you.

Well, 'be careful what you wish for', as they say. Still, if you said you weren't happy to see Saeran close by, you'd be lying. Just knowing he was right there was enough to dull your negative thoughts, albeit slightly. If it wasn't for your inner shame for hiding yourself away from him like this, you would have already nuzzled up close to his chest, seeking the comfort that his closeness would bring you. But... truth is, you felt guilty.

You made a promise to each other that you wouldn't lie about things like that. That you would trust each other to lend a helping hand whenever one of you needed it. And yet, you did exactly the opposite of that. You knew Saeran wouldn't get upset with you for this, but that did not take away your own shame on the matter. Maybe you were being way too harsh on yourself for something terribly small, but you didn't care. It didn't feel right to throw yourself at him for comfort when you were the one who let things get this bad in the first place. It felt fairly selfish even.

You could hear a slight shaky breath from him as he carefully lowered himself onto the edge of the bed, the warm sensation of his palm touching the top of your head that was hidden beneath the blanket making you shiver. Really, you felt even more silly for tearing up at something so insignificant. It wasn't like you to be such a huge crybaby over a small thing like that. It's not like his kindness is something new to you... so why is your chest aching this much?

Caressing your head, Saeran was the first to break the silence between you, not a single hint of anger or disappointment present in his soft voice. "I knew something was wrong... My love, why didn't you tell me?"

You bit your lip, feeling your tears slowly forming an ugly, damp spot on the pillow that you buried your face in. "I told you I was just tired... How did you even know something was wrong? I thought you wanted to plant those tulips you showed me today."

Idiot, what are you saying-?

"I had a feeling that you needed me, and I couldn't stay still, so I rushed to check on you. I'm happy I didn't ignore this bad feeling of mine. I'd hate to know you were suffering all alone like this."

"That sounds like you, haha." You chuckled softly, imagining him dropping everything to run straight to you. It was such a strange phenomenon, this special connection of yours. While you'd like to say you were annoyed by it, it really wasn't true at all. Somehow, by some weird force of nature, you just knew whenever one of you needed someone by their side. It is how you found him by the lake right before his father could do the unthinkable, against all odds stacked against you. And, it's really no surprise to you that it worked in the opposite direction just as much. Truly, it was such a bizarre thing.

But... did you deserve to share such a special connection with someone? This all felt... too good to be true. Too good for someone so dark and bland like you. If you told Saeran this, he wouldn't take it seriously. You didn't know who was right between the two of you. It's hard to figure out the truth when your brain is playing all kinds of cruel tricks to keep you distressed and anxious at all times of the day. And, try as you might to shut out all your emotions in favor of staying rational... It didn't work all the time.

Well... no reason to hold back now. Saeran was already aware that something was wrong, and he would remain by your side until he was confident that you were fine. And, it's not like you wanted him to leave anyway. Call it weakness or clinginess on your part, but you couldn't possibly let go of him now that he was right there for you hold onto.

"I just... I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm fine, you're fine, and everyone else is fine. So... I should be happy, right? I should be bright and cheerful, exploring the world with you. But I... can't. I have no reason to feel so horrible and disgusting, but I still do. And I can't do anything about it! I don't... I don't want to hold you back from your happiness just because I can't even function properly, so... I decided that I should just wait it out on my own this time around. But, heh, as you can see, I can't even do that right." Bitter laughter left your lips in a suffocating burst, being accompanied by a series of hiccups and a new wave of tears now streaming freely down your cheeks. You were glad he couldn't see your face right now. You probably looked really gross, considering that you didn't even leave your bed to freshen up or brush your teeth today. God, you were such a mess. "I don't know what I did to deserve someone so kind and patient like you, but I... I feel like I'm just using you to feel better about myself, and I hate it. I shouldn't be crying like this over nothing and making you pity me. Not when I'm the only one who's at fault here. I don't want to feel like this, Saeran. I... I hate feeling like this. I want to be normal and just- Live my life peacefully. With you. But- But why can't I stop thinking all of these bad things? It's driving me crazy..."

After you released all of this negativity into cohesive words, instead of holding it in until it swallowed you whole, you felt relieved. But, another part of you felt guilty for burdening Saeran with all this pessimistic talk like this. You didn't need to look at him to know that he had a deeply troubled expression on his delicate face. Either way, you didn't try to push him away or deflect what you just said. There was no reason to. His hand momentarily stopped its movement, and you swallowed, feeling the bedsheets shift ever so slightly, as he hunched over you.

The next time he spoke, his voice sounded much closer, making your heart inadvertently skip a beat. "Can I... Can I see you, Y/N? Please. If you don't want to, that's okay, but... you need some fresh air to help you breathe better."

Pursing your lips together, you nodded, clutching the pillow to your chest. You didn't resist as he carefully found his way around the blanket that was wrapped so tightly all around you, you wondered how you even got this tangled up in it in the first place. Finally, after a few awkward movements of your numb limbs, you could feel the weight slipping off of you and fresh air rushing into your lungs.

Wow. He was right. It was definitely way too stuffy in there for you.

Saeran didn't hurry you to get up, but instead sat beside you quietly and gently caressed your back without saying a word while you cried into your pillow. You knew he wanted to say something. The only reason he was so silent is to avoid overwhelming you with his words. As always, he was way too patient with a crumpled mess like you. Either way, his tenderness did motivate you to eventually lift your head up from your scrunched up pillow, sniffling and wiping away at your damp cheeks.

"Do you feel better, my love?" He quietly asked, brushing your cheek with the back of his hand. There was nothing but worry in his bright mint eyes.

Your voice was too shakey for your liking from crying, so you nodded again and leant into his warm touch. You did indeed feel better after getting all of this negativity off your chest, as well as getting some fresh air for you to breathe. But... of course, this didn't mean you were feeling okay in any way. You still felt embarrassed and upset about this whole breakdown, and these heavy feelings wouldn't just disappear any time soon.

Saeran gave you a small smile and now fully cupped your cheek, but he didn't go any further than that. So respectful, as always. He sounded so calm and composed amidst your raging emotions that you automatically hang onto his every word, like he was your lifeline. In a way, he truly was. "Good. I'm sure it was painful to keep everything bottled up like that... Do you want us to talk about these feelings you're dealing with right now?"

"I think... I might be too tired for that. But... We can talk about this tomorrow morning. Maybe." You mumbled awkwardly, feeling a bit self-conscious about the prospect of discussing this incident any time soon. Saeran was right, though. You two needed to talk about it, or things would only get worse, not just for you, but for him as well. It was unusual. Accepting someone's love and care like that, as well as being so open with your inner struggles. But, you did want to try. If not for yourself, then for Saeran.

Sniffling the last of your tears away, you did your best to keep your focus on the young man beside you instead of any insecurities still buzzing around inside of your head. "And... I'm sorry. For not telling you anything right away. I should've-"

Before you could finish your thought, he gently kissed your forehead and now his other hand was also cupping your other cheek. All you could do was gasp, feeling your heart pick up the pace from such a lovely gesture. Leaning back, he rested his forehead against your own, steering all of your attention back onto him and him alone. You could see how much he wanted to say: it was all written so clearly on his features in the dim lighting of your bedroom.

"There's nothing to apologize for, flower. I know you're not ready for us to talk about this now, but... It's okay to not be okay sometimes. My love for you does not require you to be someone else or do anything you don't want to do. We can figure it out. Not because we have to, but because we want to. I love you as you are, just like you love me as I am. I know it can be hard to believe in that sometimes, especially when all love you've experienced before was conditional... But, we can take it at one step at a time. Together. We have all the time in the world now to love each other and ourselves as we are. And, I'll be by your side on every step of this journey, holding onto your hand tightly whenever you need me. That's what we promised to each other, right?"

You had faith in him in your heart. He wasn’t saying this out of mere pity or any sense of obligation to you... No, those were his earnest thoughts and feelings he decided to share with you on his own accord. It was okay to mess up sometimes, and it was okay to have bad days. Saeran had his low moments just as much as you did, you knew that fact all too well. You never judged him for that. You never judged anyone out of the RFA for having bad days of their own. So, why should he do that to you?

Maybe... you let your inner demons get the better of you today. It's not a good idea to punish yourself for that, though. After all... the thought of you being a burden unworthy of love wasn't planted into your head on its own. It was simply easier to justify the hurt you were given by believing that you deserved it, even if it didn't make any sense in hindsight. It was hard to accept that all the bad things you had to endure happened without any grand reason to them. It didn't feel fair.

"...Thank you. I was in great need of hearing something that." You acknowledged, letting out some of the tension that was still in your system with a deep sigh. It wasn't easy. Some part of you still protested and squirmed deep within your mind: demanding to be heard, urging you to throw away his hopeful reassurance and interpret it as nothing but a lie. But, you did your best to ignore it. Thankfully, now Saeran was right here to hold you in his arms, and he was a hundred times better than even your most favorite blanket.

He appeared to appreciate your response, his smile widening ever so slightly before ultimately pulling away. Although, it wasn't long before his hands took hold of your shaky palms, his fingers interlocking with yours in such a simple, yet lovely way. "I'm happy I could help, my love. Now... why don't I help you take a warm bath? I'm sure you feel exhausted. And, it'll be good for you to eat something."

"That would be lovely, Saeran." You said, slowly but surely gaining some of your former confidence back.

Maybe you'll never get the picture-perfect happy ending you've envisioned for yourself in your daydreams. Maybe you'll never be that ideal version of yourself you were striving so hard to be. Maybe you'll never know for sure whether or not you were on the right path in life at all. But, perhaps, your reality didn't have to be ideal for you to find solace in it. This moment in time wasn't perfect or pretty at all, not from a traditional standpoint. And yet, your chest swelled with a warm, ticklish sensation as you sat on the edge of the bathtub, waiting for the water to fill the space and listening to Saeran talk about his day.

Maybe, you didn't need to be perfect to find solace in the little things life offered you, even in the darkest of times.

Even though you had heavy limbs, burning eyes, and a pounding headache to deal with, you found peace, a tired smile slowly appeared on your face. The feeling of Saeran's hands in yours, the sound of his voice, the view of his warm eyes gazing into yours with nothing but care and affection swimming within them... It all felt so imperfectly soothing to you.

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #saeran choi #ge saeran #saeran x reader #ge saeran x reader #tw insecurity #tw low self esteem #tw depressing thoughts #a comfort fic but i really really like how it turned out so decided to post it <3 #also listening to 'safe and sound' made me emotional jftjftht #no thoughts just saeran cupping your face into his hands like you're the most precious thing in the universe

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dumblemonchickenwing · 1 year

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continuation under cut

#deltarune #comic #long post #tw bullying #tw low self esteem #issues cw #insecurity cw #pink addison #spamton #spamton g spamton #namecalling cw #negative cw #dtr #alternative reality #tw discrimination

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littleoanh · 2 years

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Hello lovely! I hope your well and thriving! This is another silly little request, a little bit of angst to fluff. Please feel free to ignore if you'd like!

I was thinking reader who's very good friends with all the bonten men, and has big body issues and often vents to them about it. Everyone disagreeing with her but reader never believes them so one day when reader comes into their office they make the day about her? Telling her why they love her body, and maybe fking the insecurities out of her? (If you feel comfortable withwriting this may I ask that reader has thick thighs, wife hips and love handles, and a small chest?)

Thank you for reading, drink lots of water and enjoy your day!

A/N: Zee, my darling ❤️! Always so thoughtful of me and reminding me to be human. I don’t normally write details of what the fem!reader's body shape looks like (same goes for race, hair color, and skin color). I do try to be as neutral as I can. Also … I haven’t done a group sex this large before 😂. It’s quite challenging but just this once, I will make an exception for you since you are my lovely darling. I hope you enjoy this piece!

Shape of You

Characters: Bonten x fem!Reader

Warnings: Angst (talking about insecurities and low self-esteem on body image - PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THIS IS TRIGGERING FOR YOU) and smut (handjobs, blowjob, nipple play, groping, oral [reader receiving], cum eating, kissing, hickey, voyeurism (I think?), mention masterbating and non con recording, raw vaginal sex, and creampie)

Special Thanks: EB for proofreading and beta reading!

Like, reblogging, and kind comments are appreciated.

[Photo for banner is by シキ/ Shikifrom Pinterest]

The mirror is one of the worst enemies because it shows you your deepest insecurities. It’s difficult to not look at all your flaws. Sometimes, when someone compliments you, you’re pretty sure they’re being nice. You try to find the positive sides of your body but your brain won’t let you. Another one of your worst enemies. However, you plaster a fake smile on your face and pretend you are okay.

Today, you’re visiting your friends, the Bonten Executives at their Headquarters. Many don’t understand your friendship with them. They are the most notorious group of criminals in Japan and you are a normal girl with a commoner job. How did your friendship start? Flowers. Everyday, you would walk by Bonten's Headquarters since it’s on the way to your job. You notice their flower plants outside were wilting and not wanting something beautiful to die, you secretly took care of them.

One day, you were approached by security guards and they escorted you to the executives floor. You, of course, were scared half to death because you thought they would be mad at you for disturbing their property. You met with Mikey, Koko, and Takeomi in Mikey’s office and they asked if you were a florist from down the street. Nodding, Koko tried paying for your ‘secret services’ since none of them knew how to care for plants. You completely rejected them since your intent wasn’t money. Takeomi asked what you would like in return, you said you only wanted to care for their flowers.

Mikey was surprised how sweet and kind you really are and invited you to have lunch with them to get to know you better. This soon bloomed into an unexpected friendship between the executives and you.

“Hi Koko!” You pop into Koko’s office first since he is one of the few executives who has potted plants in their office.

“Hello, pretty girl.” The nickname almost makes you stiffen. You don’t see yourself that way and it baffles you why he calls you this. “Day off today?” He takes a break from his laptop and watches you inspect his potted plants that he bought from your nursery.

“I worked this morning but took the rest of the day off since I have more employees now thanks to you.” You smile kindly. Koko has helped find candidates for your nursery so you can have more free time.

“Anything for you, pretty girl.” Your body tenses again. “Do you have any plans?”

“Hmm, just coming to hangout with you guys.” Koko nods, glances back on his laptop and finds a good stopping point to spend some time with you.

“Why don’t I take you out shopping and buy pretty clothes for you?” Your heart sinks. This makes you uncomfortable. Clothes shopping lowers your already low self esteem, knowing a lot of the clothes at the shops won’t fit you. That’s why you always order online, not wanting to have people to judge you or stare at your imperfect body. Koko catches your look of discomfort, “What’s wrong?”

“We don’t need to go clothes shopping.” Koko immediately knows what this is about and crosses his arms.

“Stop that.”

“Stop what?” You are now avoiding eye contact by turning your face away from him. Feeling your insecurities show.

“Your negative thoughts about your body.” Koko approaches you, he gently turns your face for you to look into his dark eyes. This isn’t the first time he witnessed your inner turmoil, you often vent about them whenever someone brings up going clothes shopping or you feel uncomfortable going around Fashion District.“You are beautiful. No matter what size you are.” Tears glisten in your eyes and you begin to sniff.

“No, I’m not. Stop saying that!” Now your tears are rolling down your face. You hate talking about your insecurities and people saying their superficial words when they are perfect. “I am nothing like your pretty girl friends.” His eyes remain still, “I hate when people are judging me when I go out with you guys. Knowing they’re thinking that I don’t deserve to be friends with you all.”

When you go out with any of the executives, you always feel judged and it eats you up inside knowing you are not worthy to be by their side. You hate these negative thoughts but it just won’t go away. No matter how hard you try, it always lingers. Koko stays silent, watches you cry and his mind churns, thinking of a way for you to listen and understand.

“Come with me.” Koko takes your hand, leading you to the big conference room and sends out a mass text to all the executives. In several minutes, the executives are piling into the conference room. Once everyone is settling into the conference room, Koko grabs their attention. “Thank you for coming here on short notice.” Koko turns to you and takes his seat, “[Y/n], sit on my lap.” Patting for you to sit. Your eyes widen, feeling completely insecure. Did he want you to crush him under your body? Why is he trying to make you uncomfortable more than you already are?

“What? I want her on my lap!” Sanzu pouts, then looks at you with his big droopy puppy eyes. “[Y/n], come sit here!”

“No, I want her-” The room erupts into chaos, until someone quietly takes your hand and you look down to find Mikey pulling you towards him.

“Sit.” Referring to his lap, everyone is now watching you. You are hesitant to sit on him, afraid he wouldn’t be able to hold your weight. “[Y/n], sit on my lap.” His voice is more stern this time, you didn’t want to make him angry. Nervously, you approach his lap and try to sit but you take too long and Mikey ends up pulling you down on his lap. You squeal in surprise, worry that you are hurting him by putting on too much pressure. You try to ground your legs and squat a little to reduce putting all your weight on him but he kicks your legs from under you. His strong grip holds you in place when you try to wiggle around to get off him.

“Mikey, I am uncomfortable and I feel like I am hurting-”

“You’re not hurting me.” Mikey interrupts, his hand is now tracing every curve on your body. “You have nothing to be uncomfortable about.” You tear up, feeling your insecurities seep out. You tense, hating that Mikey is feeling your hips and curvy belly. You feel disgust looking at your own body, and now someone so perfect is feeling it with their hands. All the executives look at you, worry in their eyes.

“I can’t help it. I don’t like the way I look.” You cover your eyes, feeling shame. “I’m nothing like those pretty skinny girls. My thighs are too thick, my hips are too wide, and my chest is too small.” You start sobbing, your hands covered in your tears. You hear someone approach you, they kneel down and gently move your hands away from your face. It is Kakucho.

“Please don’t say all those hateful things about yourself.” He wipes away your tears gently, “I love the way you look.” Then he takes your hand and places it over his heart and it’s beating furiously, “Do you feel this? No one has made me feel this way before. Only you.”

“Your thighs are not too thick,” Rin steps up next, then kneels next to you and stroking your thigh, “they’re sexy to me.” He grips them, making you squeak a bit, “All I want to do is kiss them all over.”

“Your hips are not too wide,” Koko is the next one to speak and approaches you, “it’s the perfect size for me to grab and hold you.” He touches your hips, teasingly grazing them.

“And your chest isn’t too small.” Ran saunters his way over to you, “They are wonderful to look at.” His lilac eyes trails down to your breasts.

“You are beautiful no matter what size you are.” Sanzu ambles towards you, placing his hand under your chin. “Small, big, wide, tall, short… You are gorgeous.” You are sniffing, trying to calm yourself down.

“Really?” Your voice is small.

“Really.” Mochi appears by your side, “We may be notorious criminals but we’re not liars when we see beautiful women like you.”

“If you don’t believe us.” Takeomi leans down and talks into your ear, “We will show you just how beautiful you are.” You slightly nod, giving them your consent and in a blink of an eye, chaos ensues. Your clothes are flying everywhere, their pants drop and cocks are being whipped out.

Mochi and Takeomi grab your soft hands to stroke their cocks, Mikey gropes your tits while Ran and Rin licks and sucks your already pebbled nipples. Kakucho and Kokonoi spread your legs wider to have access to your pussy, and Sanzu shoves his cock into your mouth. Everyone is enjoying your wonderland body.

“Fuck baby, you feel so good.” Rin’s drooling over your nipple while gripping your thigh. He loves the softness of your plush skin. Bending down to place pepper kisses all over your thigh. Ran is biting and sucking your tit to leave a heart shaped hickey.

“You are so pretty when your body is being played with.” Takeomi groans while feeling your delicate hand playing with his length. Mochi is thrust in and out of your hand, loving the feeling of your touch.

“Your pussy tastes like honey.” Kakucho is messily making out with your pussy while Kokonoi is licking and sucking on your clit.

“Need’a fuck this mouth of yours so you can stop saying these poisonous words.” Sanzu holds your head while thrusting his cock deep into your mouth. Your legs are twitching, feeling yourself about to cum.

“Are you about to cum?” Ran asks, his hand is holding your leg to prevent you from closing your legs. You moan into Sanzu’s cock as though to answer his question.

“Shit, I’m about to cum too.” Mochi moans and Takeomi grunts in agreement.

“Gonna cum soon, sweetheart.” Sanzu coos, beads of sweat dripping on his forehead. Your body starts to squirm but Mikey, Ran and Rin hold you in place.

“Cum.” Mikey whispers in your ear, giving you his permission. Right at the same time, Takeomi and Mochi both cum into your hands, Sanzu cums in your mouth, and you cum into Kakucho’s mouth. You can hear him licking and slurping every juice leaking out of your pussy. Once your body stops shaking, Mikey orders for everyone to stand back. Sanzu pulls out of your mouth with a loud pop sound. The others take a step back from you, your glossy eyes stare into Mikey’s dark orbs. Wondering what he is planning to do.

Mikey easily lifts you up in his arms, making you squeak in surprise. He lays you out on the conference table and takes out his cock from his pants. You are surprised how thick he is and lifts one of your legs up and places it over his shoulder. “You were worried about hurting me,” Mikey reminds you of your words, “You should be worried how you are going to handle my deep affection for you.”

Not understanding what he meant, Mikey shoves his thick cock into your drenched pussy and you feel the burn of his stretch. He lets out breathy moans while ramming you hard against the table, it squeaks with every hard thrust. You are moaning loudly, completely forgetting about your insecurities. You wrap your hand into his hair, pulling hard trying to match his thrusts. My god, he feels so good. You can feel Mikey’s fondness for you, hit the back of your throat, he’s so deep. He leans down, capturing your moans in his mouth and into a deep passionate kiss.

You never thought about kissing him before, now you can’t remember why you haven’t. His lips feel good against yours, the feeling of his thrusts along with it makes it even more pleasurable. Your cunt is making loud squelching noises, creaming over his cock and creating a white ring. His hand reaches to grab your tit and squeezes, you mewl into his mouth. He releases your mouth, his dark orbs are dilated and staring intensely into yours. You have never seen so much raw emotion in his eyes.

“Mi-Mikey, I’m about to cum again.” You whine loudly, the rest of the group is either masturbating or recording you.

“Do it.” His husky voice commands you, your gummy walls squeezes his cock tightly and throws your head back to let out an undignified moan. “Gorgeous.” He kisses your forehead, continuing to ram you before painting your walls white. His warm cum feels so good, you want more. Mikey gives you another kiss on your lips and pulls away from your soaking pussy.

“Fuck, darling you’re beautiful.” Ran runs his hand through his short purple and black hair.

“Anyone else who wants to show [Y/n] how beautiful she is, go.” Mikey tucks his dick back inside his pants, watching Koko to go next inside your pussy and everyone else circles around. He sits back on his chair like a throne, with his arm plop on the arm and head leaning against it while he watches your radiating aura shine brightly. Mikey softly smiles, he hopes after this, you learn to love your body just like him and the others do.

2022 © littleoanh — do not repost or translate my work on this platform or any other platform. likes, reblogs, and kind comments are welcome. must be 18+ to interact.

Network: @tokyo-ballroom

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lily-janus · 1 year

Text

Why Would You Be Interested In Someone Like Me?

Summary: Logan and Roman want to ask each other out, but neither thinks the other would be interested...

Pairing: pre-romantic Logince

Warnings: kissing, insecurities, low self esteem.

Word count: 4,215

For @loginceweek2023 day 1 - Insecurity

-----------------------

The minute Logan walked inside the school building he noticed something was different. The place seemed emptier than it usually is before classes start… or so he thought until he heard excited murmurs and saw up ahead a big group of students huddling in front of the announcement board.

Logan sighed, knowing what this was about now. It's the end of December, meaning New Years is coming up this weekend… and, of course, the school hosted a party to celebrate. Not only that, but as if to make matters more stressful, there's a dancing competition too that everyone suddenly became so obsessed with winning at, that they stopped talking about anything else!

It was truly exhausting each year… for Logan, at least, everyone else always seemed perfectly happy and excited. Everyone, including-

"Specs! There you are!" Before Logan even had time to replay, Roman tugged his arm until they were both in the middle of all the huddled students. He tugged him along until they,, at last reached the front and he saw the poster featuring this year's theme. "Look! This year's theme is royalty!" Roman gestured excitedly to the poster.

Logan scoffed. "Yes, I can see that Roman." He pushed up his glasses, reading it over.

Logan failed to see why Roman was showing him this, since he knows full well Logan almost never showed up to these kinds of things and his deep dislike of such events. But Roman needed an audience for his excitement, he supposes.

"Oh, this is going to be so fun! I already have the perfect outfit in mind and I'm totally going to win this year! I can just feel it!" Roman grinned, hoping in place as the crowd of students slowly disbanded, leaving only Logan and Roman.

"Yes, well, you're not going to win anything if you're late to class… again, so I suggest we'll start making our way there." Logan pointed out, turning around and starting to walk to their classroom, expecting Roman to follow.

"C'mon, Teach, I know it's not your favorite thing but you have to be at least a little excited about this dance," Roman said as he fell into step next to him.

Logan gave him a pointed look, making Roman roll his eyes. "Right, mister top-student has more important things to occupy his mind than a silly dance," Roman said mockingly.

"I know you're mocking me, but yes, I do." Logan agreed.

Roman groaned in the exaggerated way of his. "How can you make even mocking you boring?"

Logan gave him a tiny, teasing smile at that. "Years of practice."

The day passed on in an unusual slowness, everyone once again starting to obsess over what they were going to wear and who they were going to invite, he was honestly starting to get a serious headache. It didn't help that he was best friends with the number one fan of these kinds of things.

"So this is the first outfit that I thought of…" Roman said, showing him a picture on his phone of a fancy king costume, complete with a ridiculously huge crown. "But after a while, I started thinking if this might be better…" he swiped to a picture of a prince costume, much tamer than the previous one but no less fancy for it, a white and gold dress shirt with a red sash going from the right shoulder to the left side of the waist and a black pair of pants. And, of course, a tiara.

Logan could already see Roman in that outfit, it suited his usual mannerisms perfectly… for some reason that mental image made him feel a tad bit warmer-

"So what do you think? Which should I choose?" Roman was looking at him expectantly.

Logan looked away, feeling a little flushed. "I think the second suits you more um… excuse me for a moment.." he got up from where he was sitting opposite Roman in the cafeteria and walked quickly towards the bathroom.

It seemed to happen more and more often recently, Roman and him would hang out like they did countless times before… and then, suddenly, Logan would start feeling… strange. It was highly confusing and Logan always found some kind of an excuse to run off and compose himself, but he has to admit it had gotten harder to avoid these strange emotions as time went on… but he didn't know what else to do!

Finally, the school day came to a close and he and Roman departed, each going to their house. Logan had decided at last on what to do regarding his… feelings, he shall ask for advice from his older brother, he has always been more capable of navigating these kinds of social interactions.

"Well, if it isn't my dear brother." His brother smirked at him when he entered.

"Janus, enjoying winter break I see," Logan said, hanging his coat and stepping out of his muddy shoes before stepping from the doorway and into the house, shuddering slightly as the warmth enveloped him.

"Quite indeed, how was school? I know you simply adore this time of year." Janus teased as he looked at him from where he was sitting on the couch, watching Netflix.

Logan sighed tiredly. "It was… tiresome, as always…" even more so than usual…

Janus frowned slightly, pausing whatever he was watching to give him his full attention. "What's on your mind, Lo?"

It was incredibly frustrating how easily Janus could read people, Logan especially. Most people consistently told Logan how stoic and unexpressive he was and so it always baffled him how Janus sees through him with ease.

Logan hesitated, true, it was his original plan to ask Janus for advice… but now… he didn't know what to say, a rare occurrence for him.

Janus' smirk widened at his hesitation. "Wait a second… Are you embarrassed? Oh, now I gotta hear it!"

Logan took a deep breath. "It's… about Roman…" he started hesitantly. "I've… just been feeling… strange, around him lately." He flushed slightly.

Janus' eyes widened in sudden realization. "Oh my-"

"You know what? Forget I said anything, this was a bad idea and I should just shove these feelings down and hope they'll go away." Logan suddenly felt uncomfortably exposed and wanted to hide in his room, but Janus stopped him, clearly trying to hide his smile.

"Wait, wait, sorry, I'll be serious now. It just… took me by surprise." Janus gently guided him to sit next to him.

"You and me both…" Logan muttered under his breath.

"So, you have a crush on Roman," Janus said after a beat of silence.

Logan sputtered. "I… what? That's… that's not what I said! The mere suggestion is ridiculous!" He protested.

Janus rolled his eyes. "You're right, of course, how silly of me."

"Incredibly silly." Logan agreed, still flustered by Janus' statement.

"So, what, pre-tell, are these mysterious feelings you've been having around your best friend?" Janus asked with a sarcastic tinge.

"Well… I would suddenly start to feel… warmer than I was, mainly in my cheeks, and my heartbeat would increase like it does when I'm nervous but… we've been friends for years, why would I be nervous around him?" Logan wondered aloud.

Janus let out a deep sigh. "I sometimes forget how oblivious you are, are you even hearing yourself?"

Logan frowned, was he missing something? "What are you-"

Rising body temperature, increased heart rate… oh no…

"I have a crush on my best friend." Logan suddenly realized. "Janus, I have a crush on my best friend," he said again with a panic. He shook his head. "No, no, no. This is bad, this is worse than I thought! What am I supposed to do?!"

Janus chuckled, grabbing him by his shoulders. "I suggest you'll calm down first."

Logan nodded taking deep breaths. "Yeah, you're right, no reason to freak out, I know what to do now."

Janus nodded.

"Ask him to the dance."

"Avoid him until it goes away."

They stared at each other. "Wait, what?" They said together again.

"Ask him to the dance? Have you figuratively lost your mind?!" Logan sputtered at the mere thought… He and Roman, dressed like royalty… dancing. His cheeks warmed again.

"Yes, because avoiding him forever is very realistic. But if you want to take the cowardly way, be my guest." Janus rolled his eyes, waving his arm in a dismissive gesture.

Logan sighed, rubbing his eyes underneath his glasses. "Maybe you're right but… asking him to the dance? You know I don't fare well in these kinds of social events…"

Janus gave him a small smile. "But you do want to go with Roman, don't you? It's worth a shot."

Logan nodded, considering. "Okay, yeah, maybe I do but…"

Janus raised an eyebrow. "But?"

"But what if he says no? Or worse, says yes? He's… well he's not just my best friend, he's my only friend… I don't even know why he hangs out with me half the time. He could go with anyone he wants… why would that be me of all people?" Logan rubbed the back of his hand furiously as he voiced his concerns.

Janus took his hands, squeezing them reassuringly. "He hangs out with you because he likes you, Logan, you'll never know if you don't try. If he says yes, great, you'll have a fun evening of dancing together. And if he says no, it may take a while but you'll go back to being friends in the end."

Logan thought this over, this is all very new to him, and he's scared of messing things up with Roman and ending up alone… but, Janus was right, he'll never know if he won't ask.

After a few more minutes of consideration, Logan nodded. "Can't believe I'm saying this but… I'm going to ask Roman to the dance… not scary at all…"

Janus chuckled again, patting his back encouragingly. "That's the spirit! And if he breaks your heart, I already have an incredibly tall staircase to nudge him off of." He winked and got up from the couch. "Go get him, tiger." And with that, he walked to his room.

"My name's Logan…" he said, but Janus was already gone.

-------------------------

"Remus, stop it, I'm not going to ask him," Roman said for what felt like the millionth time as he was making adjustments to his outfit. He reached his hand beside him, "gold thread."

Remus handed it to him as he groaned. "But why? You've been mooning over him for years!"

"Because, Remus, he made it very clear he hates this dance and I don't want to pressure him to go, red thread." Remus put it in his waiting palm. "I can ask him out when this blows over."

"Really? Then why didn't you do it yet huh? You're just a big coward is what you are." Remus huffed.

Roman dropped his needle and turned around to face his twin. "I'm not a coward, I'm a romantic, I'm waiting for the right moment-"

"Which is now!" Remus argued, throwing his arms in the air in exasperation. "Maybe he hates this dance so much because no one ever asked him! Did you think about that?"

Roman huffed. "Yeah, like Logan, of all people will care if he gets asked or not, just stay out of my love life okay? I can handle myself."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Trust me, I'm dying to, but it's kind of hard when you fucking don't stop talking about him! Just ask the damn guy out! It's not that complicated!"

"Trust me, now is not the time to ask Logan out, he's always in a bad mood this time of year with Christmas and New Years and the school dance, I just don't wanna add to his plate-"

"Blah, blah, blah. Excuses, excuses. You always find a reason why 'it's not the time' just man up and ask him already! I don't understand why you keep avoiding this!" Remus cut him off. "You know what? I don't care! Ask him, don't ask him, throw him off a cliff for all I know! Just stop whining about him like a little bitch!"

And with that, Remus left his room, slamming the door behind him.

Roman looked over at his outfit. He imagined what Logan would have chosen to wear if they went together. Probably something tame and serious, maybe a suit that'll hug his frame tightly-

He shook his head, it's not going to happen since they're not going together. Even if he'll ask and Logan will agree, he won't have fun there… it's just not Logan's style.

Remus was right though, he was kinda… maybe, avoiding this. But can you blame him? It's Logan for heaven's sake! Sure they've been friends since practically day one but why would serious, confident, smart Logan ever go out with someone as insecure and um… expressive as him?

Roman is pretty sure he'll say no, and then what? The chances of them staying friends after that are pretty low…

But what if he says yes?

He fantasized about this scenario plenty, of course, but he just doesn't see it happening in reality. So…. He's just been avoiding the topic.

Besides, Logan has been acting… strange, lately. Running off at random times with a rushed excuse… not meeting Roman's eyes… he fears maybe he doesn't want them to be friends anymore, maybe he finally had enough of Roman's theatrics and just doesn't know how to tell him that…

Roman sighs, folding his outfit carefully and putting it in his closet. He can't wait to go to this dance and forget about all this for a while, maybe he'll even win the contest!

But, as his mother called him and Remus down for dinner, he couldn't help but wonder what it'll be like with Logan… rather than without…

----------------------

The following morning, Logan was walking to school.

That alone was far than unusual since he did that each weekday morning since first grade, the things that raced through his mind as he walked though… now those were highly unusual if not down right delusional.

Was he really going to do it? Ask Roman Prince out for the school dance everyone knows he hates? What was he thinking? He must be going insane, it's the only logical explanation as to why he's considering this…

And yet… and yet he can't help but get nervously excited at the prospect. The idea of him agreeing and them going together made Logan feel… warm, was the only way he can describe it, inside.

If he doesn't however…

He shook his head, just as he stepped into the hallway, there's no use dwelling on that… he'll just um 'shoot his shot' as they say and see what happens, afterwards he'll figure out how to deal with the outcome.

Logan nodded to himself, mind decided-

Until he saw Roman.

At the sight of his best friend, and apparently his major crush at the moment, all thought fled from his mind and he just stared for a long, embarrassing moment.

Luckily, Roman's back was to him so he hadn't noticed Logan yet.

He can't do this.

Logan suddenly realized as Roman finally turned to him and smiled, waving at him.

Logan forced himself to smile back, walking over to him to greet him.

"Good morning, Teach!" Roman grinned at him with his dashing smile.

Logan nodded at him. "Morning, Roman, how are you today?" He asked as they started walking.

"I'm super! Getting ready to rock this dance! How about you, Lo?" Roman answered excitedly.

At the mention of the school dance, Logan's stomach churned.

Ask him.

Said a voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like his older brother. Logan took a deep breath, looking around at the bustling hallway.

Here? In the middle of this huge crowd?

Logan shook the thought away. No, not now, he'll wait until they're both alone.

"...Specs?"

Logan snapped back from his pondering to find a concerned Roman looking at him expectantly. He blinked. "Yes, Roman?"

Roman frowned at him. "Are you okay? You're acting… strange. Are you sick or something? How many times do I have to tell you, the world won't end if you miss a few days of school to get better!" He stopped walking, looking Logan up and down.

"I'm not sick, Roman." Was all he said in response.

"Then what is it? You're starting to worry me…"

Just say the words, it's not that hard!

Logan swallowed. "I um… I was just wondering if you… I mean, if you wanted to um…" he fumbled with his words, getting increasingly more flustered.

"Logan, it's okay, whatever it is you can tell me!" Roman reassured him. Of course he did, he was always sweet like that.

Logan still hesitated, playing with the sleeves of his shirt as he was trying to find the courage to ask him.

Suddenly, Roman turned and walked to a nearby classroom, checking to see if it was empty, then motioning Logan to step inside. Closing the door behind him.

"Okay, just us now, what's wrong?" Roman asked again.

This is it…

Logan took a deep breath, stealing his nerves. "Roman, I wanted to ask you if…" he closed his eyes, irrationally unable to look Roman in the eyes. "Would you want to go to the dance… with me?" He finally managed to say, opening his eyes slowly.

There was a long moment of silence as Roman processed the question. He blinked in surprise. "Wait… what?"

Logan sighed. "Stupid idea, I know, forget I said anything-"

Roman takes his hand, grinning. "Yes! Yes, of course I want to go with you! I just thought you didn't like this dance." He explained.

A wave of relief washed over Logan and he smiled, lacing his fingers with Roman, his palm was so warm. "Well I'm certainly not a fan but… I feel like I won't mind it as much with you…"

Suddenly Roman pulled at their joined hands until their foreheads touched, his warm breath fanning over Logan's face. "I wanted to ask you out for so long I just… didn't know how." He said softly.

Logan flushed at their proximity and Roman's words, eyes drawn to his lips. "Really? I didn't think you'd be interested in someone like me…"

Roman chuckled at that. "Funny… I thought the same thing…" He looked down, taking a step back but keeping their hands together.

Logan took a moment to process that. "Wait… you thought I won't be interested in you? I'm pretty sure everyone in school is, how can they not?" Logan said, blant as always.

Roman looked up, blushing deeply. "I… I don't know… you're so smart and confident and perfect and I'm… not…" he shrugged.

Logan couldn't believe what he's hearing, of course he knew Roman was more insecure than he lets on but this? This is absurd!

He squeezed their joined hands. "Roman, you're my best and only friend. Sure we're very different but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy being with you. You're smart in your own way, you're sweet and caring and charming and of course I would be interested in you, I don't understand why you think I wouldn't but-"

And, before Logan knew it, they were kissing, sweet and gentle. Logan felt himself melting at the intimate touch, for once losing touch with reality as the sensations overwrote his senses.

They broke apart to catch their breaths, looking at each other, both of them flushed.

"So ah… dance?" Roman asked hopefully with a shy smile.

Logan shook his head, chuckling. "Yes Roman, dance." He clarified.

Roman gave him a sly smile that turned Logan's blush a deeper red. "Do you have an outfit in mind?"

Logan's eyes widened. "Oh no, please not-"

"Makeover time!" Roman declared with a flourish. "Come to my place after school and I'll fix you up in no time! Now come on, classes are about to start!" With a spring in his step, he led them out of the empty room and towards their first class of the day.

"Maybe the dance wasn't the best idea…" Logan said, but Roman just laughed.

"Too late! Get ready, nerd, you're about to become a 'fancy nerd' !" He accompanied the last phrase with jazz hands.

Logan rolled his eyes, but couldn't help but smile at Roman's… Roman-ness.

Him and Roman… going to the dance… together… this is really happening huh?

Yes. Yes, it was happening.

The rest of the days following their first kiss should probably have been a clue that this was indeed very much real and not some elaborate dream, but it was still hard to believe even with all the hard evidence.

After Logan finally worked the courage to ask Roman out, things moved rather quickly. That day after school he went with Roman to his house and they spent hours trying on different outfits and styles on Logan, trying to find something that'll fit Logan and the dance theme.

They finally settled on a royal blue coat with golden buttons with a white dress shirt underneath and matching blue dress pants. Complete with a gentle tiara with blue fake gems and-

"No." Logan said when he saw what Roman held up for him.

Roman pouted. "What's a king without his cape?" He said. "C'mon, the outfit's not the same without the finishing touch!" He wiggled the cape enticingly at him.

Logan rolled his eyes. "I feel ridiculous enough already, thank you."

Roman bit his lip, looking Logan up and down once again, he did that so many times even Logan stopped counting. "Ridiculous is not how I'll describe it."

Logan flushed but still shook his head. "No capes."

Roman whistled. "Gee Teach, pulling out the Pixar references. Have it your way then." He finally relented, putting the dark blue cape aside. "I think we found your look regardless."

Logan nodded, going to the bathroom to change to his normal clothes and go back to his house.

As he was heading out, Roman suddenly planted a brief kiss to his cheek. He pulled away and grinned. "See you tomorrow!"

A little stunned, Logan just nodded and walked outside.

Before Logan knew it, the day of the dance came.

"C'mon, let me see you, your highness"

Logan heard Janus' teasing tone from the other side of the door. Why was he doing this again? He wondered as he looked at himself in the mirror once more.

He felt utterly ridiculous and uncomfortable in the stiff outfit and his cheeks burned as he imagined Janus' reaction to seeing him in this.

"I… think I might be getting sick, it's flu season after all… maybe I should-"

"Nice try, Logan, you're not getting out of this that easy." Janus cut him off.

Logan sighed. "Fine, just promise you won't laugh?"

He heard his older brother chuckle. "I make no promises, but it's either that or be late to your precious date…" Janus pointed out.

Logan pinched the bridge of his nose, he was right, damn him but he was right.

He took a deep breath, then twisted the door handle and walked outside. He barely blinked before he heard the click of a camera and saw Janus with his phone at the ready.

"Perfect." Janus smirked at him, taking a few more shots of him.

Logan rolled his eyes. "Great, you got your blackmail material, can I go now?"

Janus chuckled again, doing a mock bow. "Be on your way, your royal highness."

Logan huffed. "You're impossible." He muttered as he walked past him and out the door.

"Love you too, Lo!" He heard him call after him.

A short walk later, and he's at the school dance, looking around for Roman nervously. He could feel everyone's eyes on him and knows what they're most likely thinking:

Logan Sanders, top student and hater for all non-serious things, attending the dance with the most ridiculous outfit in existence…

A hand on his shoulder makes him jump and turn around sharply, only to freeze on the spot at the sight that greeted him, feeling his cheeks heat up.

Roman chuckles at Logan' jump, eyeing him up and down appreciatively… and looking like a prince straight out of a fairytale book. With his dashing smile, the white dress shirt laces delicately with gold and red threads, a red sash going across it from the left shoulder to the right side of his waist and a pair of black dress pants that hug his frame snugly.

Logan swallows as Roman smirks at his staring, biting his lip. "What? This ol' thing?" He indicated his outfit. "I just threw it on me at the last minute."

"I… um… You look… Adequate." He finally managed to say.

Roman raised an eyebrow playfully. "Just 'adequate'? That blush says otherwise."

Logan flushes darker at that, looking away from Roman's gorgeous green eyes.

Roman chuckles, hooking his hand in Logan's. "You're too cute for your own good, care for a dance?" And with that, he was pulled to the dance floor.

To Logan's surprise, the night went… really well, and he actually managed to have fun even with his awkwardness and everything.

Being here, with Roman, just felt… right.

#sanders sides #logan sanders #roman sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #janus and remus are done with roman and logan's pinning lol #pre romantic logince #logince #loginceweek2023 #day 1 - insecurity #Lily writes #this came out way longer than intended heh #hope you all will like it #cw kissing #tw low self esteem

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ask-ruikasa-official · 5 months

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the confrontation

tw// use of expletives, themes of disordered eating, body dysmorphia, anxiety, and low self esteem

(tsukasa is met with rui standing in the doorway.)

“my love.. are you okay?”

“mhm.. why?”

“are you being honest?”

“of course.”

“someone told me you had a diet plan.”

“i do..”

“is it to not eat for 6 days?”

“it’s just a detoxification.”

“my dear, it’s not. your metabolism’s going to slow, and when you do eat you’ll gain any weight you lost right back.”

“i’ll be fine, rui.”

“no, you won’t. don’t start this shit.”

“don’t yell at me..”

“i’m not yelling. i had an anxiety attack last night because you didn’t eat and then you fainted. i thought you were going to die, tsukasa.”

“is that my fault?”

“yes! you didn’t eat and now you’re about to try again!”

“maybe i could use a bit of deprivation!”

(maybe that was too far. rui was so upset. he got closer and sat on the edge of their bed.)

“tsukasa, love, please..”

“no, rui.”

(rui was no longer looking at him, instead staring down at the floor as he fiddled with the edge of his hoodie.)

“i love you… i don’t think you need to change. and if you think you should change, don’t do it like this…”

“rui, i— i need to lose weight.”

“no you don’t. if you want to we are going to do it in a healthy way.”

“rui, look, i’m not gonna argue with you. this isn’t negotiable.”

“yes it is!”

(tsukasa turned away, unwilling to argue further.)

“i’m done for tonight. bother me with this in the morning.”

(rui started to cry, although silently. he left the room.)

#ruikasa #both talk #tw disordered eating #tw body image #tw skipping meals #tw ed #tw body dysmorphia #tw body issues #tw arguing #tw profanity #tw expletives #tw low self esteem

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crow-collective15 · 7 months

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Interesting conversations between me and Leo

Me: what do you mean my worth isn’t directly tied to my art skills?

Leo; max- are you ok??

Me: yeah I just did art

Leo: …get help my guy

I’m fine I swear

-max

#anti endo #osdd #did #endos dni #traumagenic system #osddid #dsmp fictive #max is angsty #max and leo #dsmp michael fictive #michael dsmp fictive #michael fictive #dsmp alter #tw vent #tw low self esteem

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fandomsareforlife · 2 years

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Skylor: We should watch that new movie, Encanto! I heard it is really relatable!

Neuro: This will definitely go badly.

*When Surface Pressure Comes On*

Kai: *Remembering all the times he thought he failed Nya*

Gravis: *Intense flashbacks of being the adult for a bunch of young elemental masters and being blamed if they got hurt*

Neuro: This was definitely a bad idea.

#ninjago #ninjago incorrect quotes #ninjago neuro #ask to tag #lego ninjago #ninjago kai #ninjago gravis #ninjago skylor #encanto #tw low self esteem #Neuro is a smart ass

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quirkle2 · 2 years

Note

tell me abt warriors I dare you <33

you've made the worst mistake of ur life /lh

(mind the tags btw . might get a lil dicey for some)

TL;DR: im mentally ill.

god where do i even start . fuck.shit .

i think what i like about him most is his Goofiness. he just ? does really silly things solely to get a laugh out of people, even if it makes him look stupid or ridiculous in the process. he Lives to make legend laugh especially, and he's basically always tryin to get a smile out of him someway or another

he's dramatic and cranks his reactions up to a 9 purely to spark some smiles. legend gently kicks him in the shins for making a dumb joke and it doesn't hurt him in any way, but he still yelps and holds his foot and hops around like it's been run over by a boulder. twi playfully shoves him back when they're joking around and wars makes a show of leaning away until his back is on the ground as if the push had really been that strong. wind is sitting in front of him, and wars' drink is on a table behind the kid, so he takes the opportunity to lean forward to Squish wind underneath him, going oh so sorry kid so sorry i'm in ur way it'll just be a second so sorry oughh this sucks doesn't it while he's literally already got his hand around his drink. he's just staying there to listen to wind giggle. he's just a silly guy

he's also just,,, so fucking gentle dude. he's so Gentle w everybody. when he was young he learned all that bullshit abt never showing weakness, never crying blah blah blah Gross . wars thinks that's gross. he was raised on that for most of his childhood, but first, he learned to be gentle and caring from his mom :) she taught him that and he's always stuck to it

he's always so ready to help ? to Fix? he is 100% constantly looking to make sure everybody is okay around him. he lives off of hugs, loves them to death, and is prolly the most cuddly of the chain in my eyes. is always offering them, gets sad when he doesn't get one within like a day VGIEAYVGA and he's always right there to comfort the others; always holding them, always lookin out for them. rly emotionally open i guess ? always happy to listen and happy to comfort. gentle big bro vibes

^ due to all that, sometimes the chain genuinely almost,, forgets he's a captain. he can look scary on the outside if he's fully geared up, but the chain has long-since been desensitized to how dangerous they all look and they see Family there instead of Hero Figure. wars is so gentle and kind and loving and doting that sometimes their memory of what that scarf around his neck rly means fades a bit

that's not to say they don't think he's a good captain—quite the opposite, they think he's an incredible one—but it's just,,, wild to see him hugging people and ruffling hair and being Silly one moment, and then he's a fucking cold, unstoppable force the next. eyes kind and fond at first, but when a battle starts they r Crazed and focused and he's slitting enemies with such perfect swipes that they are cut clean through. it makes them all realize just how gentle he rly is w them ? there is just Something abt that . smth that gets me

^ expanding on him looking out for them, he's really good at spotting when somebody needs a break ? he's . rly good at People. he knows how to read them, how to approach them, what to say, when to say it. and after a while of getting to know the chain, he knows how to look for signs Individually for the different boys. he knows his family very well; if something is wrong, he will likely be able to tell. true to his captain instincts, he keeps them all in his sight, looks after his family closely. a good leader,, good brother :)

he likes to gently remind them to take care of themselves. he's definitely one of those people that mother hen you a bit; he likes to check on everybody, ask if they've drank anything, if they've eaten yet, are they okay, what's on their mind, stuff like that. he needs to know everybody's okay,,, he worries otherwise :(

^ he loves to preach about self-care, and i think one of his biggest flaws w that is that he doesn't follow his own advice at all. he's a huge fucking hypocrite. he knows the consequences of lack of self-care, knows how important it is, and he's even said so most of his life—it's one of the biggest reasons he's such a revered leader in his era, bc he's just,, The Best in terms of tending to his troops and paying attention to mental limits as well as physical. he just,,,, seems to think he himself is exempt from that

he thinks he can just keep working. he thinks he's immune to every type of exhaustion and he will keep going until he collapses. he's got a nasty habit of throwing himself away to keep others standing, and the most concerning part of that is that if somebody points it out or asks if he's pacing himself, he seems to be absolutely clueless to the damage he's doing to his mind and body

. i'm gonna go on a mini-tangent inside this bigger tangent if you don't mind <3: a lot of people tend to characterize him as this over-confident asshole who thinks he's amazing—and that's a perfectly acceptable characterization btw, the freedom of interpretation is a wonderful thing—but i personally see him very differently. i think that characterization tends to stem from that mission in his game, where he gets overconfident after receiving the master sword ?

and to me, that was . a very small fraction of that game. like so small. it was One mission, and then they never touched on it again. and when i think abt that mission, i always remember a line from the start of the game; i don't quite remember when it was said, but at some point the narrator says, "Link did not believe himself to be worthy," in response to him being a Hero ? or smth of that manner. and i think abt that line all the goddamn time.

wars did not have a lot of confidence in himself. he's gotten much better over the years, especially when it comes to combat and leading, but he still doesn't have the confidence he maybe should. when he got the master sword, he felt Power in his hands that he previously had not owned. he'd felt useless before, just a Fucking Guy who suddenly got promoted to Captain and Hero Status, fumbling around and hoping for the best. and then he suddenly had power in his hands. i don't blame him for feeling unstoppable and taking advantage of that—he'd wanted to help, and he finally had a way to do so effectively. he just went too far in an attempt to make things better, and became a little blind to his limits

so he is Not confident. my wars isn't, at least. he has faith in his own combat and leadership skills, but that's pretty much where the confidence ends. he doesn't think of himself as this unstoppable, perfect Heroic symbol. he thinks of himself as Guy Who's Pretty Good At Swinging Swords and Yelling.

and that's ? part of why he thinks he's exempt from all that self-care stuff. he either forgets and gets too caught up in everybody else's problems to care for himself, or he,, genuinely thinks that throwing himself away to keep others up is Okay . like he Deserves that.

i won't get super into it here cuz it's part of his dumb backstory created by my dumb brain, but a lot of that has to do w how he was treated in the army, and his dumbass dad <3 worked him to the ground and pretty much, overtime, made him think that if he wasn't being useful, he didn't have worth. and he's experienced people leaving him bc he "stopped being useful."

so yeah he has abandonment issues . but the chain slowly and surely helps him through those insecurities :] tries to make sure he knows he doesn't have to work himself to death for them to love him,, doesn't completely fix things obviously, and he still struggles w it, but it helps A Lot

another thing w him preaching self-care and then not caring for himself,, he tends to think like that with trauma as well. continuously tells the others that it's okay to Not be okay and that whatever trauma they're dealing w is valid and it's okay to be vulnerable, but then he ,,, goes against all of that for himself.

tries not to "burden" the others w his shit, kinda keeps it locked up, and he tends to think badly abt himself when he's having a tough time. just,, rly beats himself up for Having Trauma, especially when it gets in the way of his productivity and he ends up being "less useful" bc of it. and sometimes he doesn't seem to realize that the chain seeing him like that hurts them a lot, and they're more than willing to console him and try to make it easier on him.

^ over time they Also help him w that,, they help each other a lot. for years, he's tried to repeat the same stuff he tells other people to Himself—stuff like self-care, vulnerability being natural and Okay—but he's never had the self-worth to rly put much stock into it. the chain showing him love even when he was "being useless?" that helped him get over that hurdle

and his constant Care and reminders to take care of themselves r eventually gently reflected back at him—"have you eaten today buddy?" "yeah. what about you?"—just to get wars in the habit of asking Himself the same questions. they do a lot of little things like that in hopes that eventually it adds up to him healing

they care each other they love each other im soso So. ososs ososo ioghugohughgo /pos

wow okay uh im literallyso sorry i just . think abt him lots. this was completely unnecessarily long okay bye

#qktalks #qkhcs #circuitofficial #tw abuse #<- if u squint at the one line abt his dad. i don't go into it tho #all u need to know is that his dad fucking sucks VWJSHSHS #tw low self esteem #?? i am not taggin this shit right am i #tw trauma #i covered a lot here but this is in no way all of it. i have many thoughts on this matter #don't even get me fuckign STARTED on qpr stuff. don'teven lookat me #sorry it ended a bit abruptly iam sleeby tiredso tiredsleepy #btw ty for ?? asking me this ???was so sweet of u #i hope i didn't bore u w my fucking academic essay GVIEAYGV

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falconinthealps · 2 years

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Do you guys ever wonder if Zane is crushed by the weight of feeling the need to be flawless because he’s supposed to be the perfect machine to the point that he wonders if he’s worth anything at all or are you okay?

#zane ninjago #ninjago #ninjago posting #tw low self esteem #ninjago headcanons #woohoo i’m a wreck

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batstorm93672 · 2 years

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The Demon That Stares Back

Damian stared at himself in the mirror, he despised the demon that looked back. Lately, that demon has looked uglier and uglier as time went on. It was always never pleasant to look at, but since returning it looks worse. More disgusting, more of a burden to even think of.

Damian splashed cold water on his face, Damian could see the hideous thing act as if it was human by copying his move. Damian left his bathroom, the demon followed until it could no longer do so.

Robin swung rooftop to rooftop with Red Robin ahead of him, as they arrived to another section of their patrol route. It was quiet tonight, Robin liked the occasional fighting considering it meant he could do something he was meant to do. Robin looked at the window, it was dirty yet he could still see it staring at him again. Somehow the demon managed to get out of the Manor and follow him here, it was trying to copy him again and pretend to be Robin. Robin sneered at the disgusting thing, it needed to be discarded. "Not looking pretty?" Robin turned his attention to Red Robin, the demon did the same thing. "What?" Could he see the demon too? The same demon that's been following Damian?

"I was joking, you were just staring at yourself in the window"

No. He wasn't looking at himself, he was looking at a demon. As much as Robin wanted to correct his brother, he kept silent and simply gave a small hum to show he listened.

The demon kept following Damian, at school, at home, out at night. He couldn't escape it, it was a plague. He wants to get rid of it, but no matter what he does it comes back. It keeps rearing it's ugly face to stare and say nothing.

Damian looked at the demon in the bathroom mirror

"You shouldn't be here"

It can talk?

"Why are you following me?"

"Tt. Disgusting"

"Stop talking and following me, no one wants to hear or see you"

"Shut up!"

The demon was in shards now, scattered on the bathroom tiles Damian felt a small tinge of pride. It was finally gone, it worked, he won.

Picking up the wasted remains of the demon, he threw it out which marked Damian as the winner.

From the other side of his door someone knocked "Master Damian, is everything all right in there?" "I'm well Pennyworth, simply taking out some trash" "Very well, as long as everything is well" "Indeed it is"

"Damian, look what do you think of my hoodie?"

"You have a hoodie of your own status Richard?"

"Yeah, the Nightwing hoodie is cool!"

Damian stepped closer to his older brother who posed in front of a mirror to see the demon facing his brother. Why is he here? Damian got rid of it, he won, why the hell is it here?!

"Damian? You okay there? You keep staring at yourself in the mirror-"

"IT'S NOT ME" Damian grit his teeth and clenched his fists, can no one else see this vile being? "Damian? What's wrong? Why are you shouting?" "Don't you see it? Why does no one else see this thing?" "Okay, calm down. What is no one else seeing?" "The damn demon that keeps following me, it won't leave me alone! It needs to go away"

"It needs to go away"

Damian stopped and looked at the demon who spoke

"I don't have to go anywhere"

"You're the one who doesn't belong here!"

Damian covered his face and shook his head, he won! WHY IS IT BACK?! "Stop it! Stop copying me! Stop pretending that you're real, you're nothing! I got rid of you stop mocking me!" "Damian!" Damian looked at Dick who looked almost scared, but mainly concerned. "I need to be dealt with, I thought I got rid of it in my bathroom, but I'm still here. I don't want to see myself anymore, I'm not a part of this family!" Damian stopped, what he just said... that wasn't it. He meant to say "it" the demon is the thing. Why did he reference himself in this extent? "Damian, let's step away. How about we go to your room, it can't follow us there right?" Damian had to shake himself out of his stupor and nod "Yeah... I got rid of it"

The two walked away and the demon failed to follow.

As Damian walked in first, Dick closed the door behind him and immediately noticed the shards in the small garbage bin. "Damian, how long has this been demon been following you?" "I guess for a while, it went away for a bit. Ever since I returned it came back and it looks worse" "What do you mean by 'it looks worse'?" "It's disgusting, ugly, it doesn't belong here" "Hm... tell me, was it talking?" "It kept repeating my actions and words, it was merely pretending to be something it's not. I'm not human, I'm not worth any mention or attention. No one wants me around" Damian stopped again "I meant it... it isn't wanted around" "Damian. Look at me and listen carefully" Damian nodded and looked Dick in the eyes "The demon isn't ugly and it's loved by it's family. It belongs with whoever it lives with because it's loved. It's small and fragile, but it's so strong. It doesn't need to prove it's worth to staying here because it's welcome here. It's family loves having it around and wouldn't trade it for anything else"

Damian looked down "It is? Why would those people let it in? It's a vile creature" "It might think that, but in reality it's a beloved part of it's family" "Beloved?" "Of course, why wouldn't it's family love it? It is hard to understand it at times, but they still love it regardless. Because it is trying it's hardest to learn and we love you"

"What is the demon?"

"A boy, a small young boy who needs to know that he's loved. And right now he needed his big brother to remind him, who will gladly do so time and time again"

Damian walked to the small bin and took out a shard, the demon-- no, the boy looked back at him. The boy looked like him, the boy acted like him, the boy is him.

#damian wayne #damian wayne has feelings and he wont admit it #robin #tim drake #red robin #alfred pennyworth #dick grayson #tw low self esteem #sometimes I also see a demon staring at me #it needs to remember it's loved #it needs to remember that it isn't alone #if you see one too try to remember that it is loved and it isn't alone

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lucrezia-thoughts · 1 year

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Okay... it's pretty fucked up that I'm unable to like a picture of myself that hasn't been run through a filter or heavily edited...

For example...

I hate this picture:

But I love this one:

#lucrezia rambles #shut up lucrezia #no one cares #tw low self esteem

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justamessedupdisneyprincess · 1 year

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For the longest time all I ever wanted was to be myself. Even though I am so weird and cringe worthy, I just wanted to be me.

But now I'm not so sure, as so many other people hate me no matter how many times I try to be nice. Is it because I am just too weird? Am I too emotional to the point it's annoying? Am I a bad person for being into weird things? Am I so bad for having my own flaws? Are my habits really that disturbing? Am I so blunt that I simply just drive everyone away from me? Am I evil for having my own opinions on things? Are my stories and art really that cringe worthy? At this point I wish I can change myself but I can't. I can't change. If I could hack into my own brain and rewire where everything goes I would. But I can't. I can't be normal.

#disney #onward #pixar #izzy the imp #mental health #depression #trauma #vent art #bullying #bullied #tw crying #tw low self esteem #tw self harm #self harm #scars

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ponderingpebbles · 11 months

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It's so frustrating when so many people tell me "oh you're not stupid, you're not lazy. You're just depressed!" And then I turn around and everyone else says that I have to "stop being lazy, you're going to grow up a failure." And that I'm "wasting people's time".

I don't know who to believe at this point. I already have the fact I'm lazy and not smart enough drilled into my head and it feels like half of the people I know are trying to get me to uproot that concept while the other half are trying to scare me into working using it.

Good talk thanks

#vent tag #vent #tw low self esteem #dont read if you dont want to blocking me is ✨free✨#my father really needs to learn how to motivate people #without making them want to stop trying

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lily-janus · 1 year

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Someone Like You - Chapter 3

Chapter 1 | chapter 2 | next

Summary: Janus and Roman tour different places to see if they're good for their film. And it goes great in case you were wondering...

Pairing: pre-romantic roceit

Warnings: disability, jealousy, painful past, food mentions, low self esteem and self depricating thoughts. Be sure to let me know if there's anything I missed.

Word count: 1,712

Hello everyone! It's that time of the week again! This chapter's first half is still by the incredible @prince-rowan-of-the-forest ! And the other half is finally by me! My part will be in purple text so you'll know when it starts and from that point on all the chapters will be my own writing! Thanks again for anyone who reads this and for @prince-rowan-of-the-forest for letting me adopt this wonderful fic^^

Sorry for the long intro, hope you enjoy!

His father had been ecstatic when he found out that Janus was meeting someone outside of school. He knew that his dad worried a lot about Janus’ lack of friends in school and he had tried at first. It had been better when he had Virgil and after he had been ditched he’d tried to keep Virgil’s absence a secret from his dad. He’d started saying that Virgil was too busy to come over or that they had still been hanging out in school but eventually his dad had figured out what had happened. The man wasn’t stupid, after all.

So when Janus asked for a lift to the coffee shop the man had been incredibly excited. He had needed to sit through the ten minute drive being fired question after question. Which was- annoying, but tolerable.

“Have fun!” His dad called as he climbed out of the passenger seat, “Don’t stay out too late-”

“I’ll totally be staying out here for eleven hours-” Janus said, rolling his eyes, they had agreed to meet at 11am. It’s not like Janus would be staying out all night.

“Text me when you want to be picked up,” His dad said, ignoring him, “Oh! And take this, buy yourself a slice of cake or something,”

His dad stuck his hand out of the car window and Janus shook his head, taking the 20$ bill.

“Goodbye,” Janus said, already backing away from the car.

“Remember to call me if you need anything!” He called even as he started to drive away at a snail’s pace, “My phone’s on if you need me, don’t be mean to your new friend! Have fun!!"

Janus just sighed as his dad pulled away, still waving out of the window. He loved his dad- he really did- but the guy could really be over the top sometimes.

Shaking his head to move his thoughts along, Janus straightened his capelet- what? if he got stared at anyway he may as well dress however he wanted, and if that was like a 19th-century noble, then so be it- and sighed before making his way into the coffee shop.

He had arrived about half an hour earlier than the time he and Roman had agreed upon so he wouldn’t have to worry about locating Roman in the slightly crowded shop. Instead he was able to pick a table closer to the back and sit down, resting his cane against the chair and picking up the paper menu tucked into a plastic holder that also displayed their table number- 17.

Whilst he waited Janus ordered a coffee using the bank card his father seemed to have forgotten that he had again. He’d probably keep the twenty anyway, his dad wouldn’t mind.

Roman arrived with all of his noise and grandeur forty minutes later. He had made Janus jump when he slammed his bag onto the table and stopped a minute to catch his breath before placing it on the floor and sitting down.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” Roman apologised, shaking his head, “I just- ran all the way here, were you waiting long?”

“Not long,” Janus lied.

“You look- fancy,” Roman commented, looking over his outfit.

“You’re not exactly looking societally appropriate either,” Janus pointed out, it was true, Roman was wearing much more makeup than he usually wore in school, thick wings of eyeliner set off by sparkly gold eyeshadow that beautifully set off his green eyes, he wore dangly earrings and an open dress coat, under which he could see a loose shirt and a corset, paired eloquently with a skirt that reaches his shins So yeah, Janus wasn’t exactly the most extravagantly dressed person here, “You do know that we’re not attending a fantasy ball today, don’t you?”

“And you’re aware that you’re not the evil king’s sorcerer sent to the ball to seduce and kidnap the most handsome Prince?” Roman quipped back, leaning forward and raising an eyebrow. Was Roman… flirting with him? Is that what this was? But wasn’t he dating Virgil, or was this just part of the trick? this didn’t make any sense.

“Well obviously I wouldn’t be there for you, then,” Janus said instead of what he had really been thinking before mentally kicking himself for not coming up with something better when he saw Roman’s crestfallen expression, he hadn’t meant to hurt him. What the hell was he supposed to say now?

Fortunately Roman simply shook his head and smiled again, “Mind if I grab a coffee? Then we can go over what I have planned for today!”

“I don’t control you,” Janus shrugged, “Get whatever you want,”

“Uh- thanks? I think,” Roman said, looking momentarily confused before shaking his head again and taking the menu that Janus had left on the table. He looked at it for a moment before scrunching up his face in a way that Janus was pretty sure meant he was considering something.

“Hey, Janus?” Roman said, looking up at him, he raised an eyebrow, “Opinion on red velvet cake?”

“Oh, I hate it,” Janus said immediately, before panicking slightly, “Totally the worst cake flavour out there, I would just hate to be given a slice,”

He really hoped Roman would pick up on the sarcastic tone he had added to the second statement to amend the instinctual lie. From the way Roman barked out a laugh he guessed it had worked. Why the hell did Roman want to know his opinion on cake flavours anyway?

Roman went up to the bar to order because he just had to be extra like that, when he returned five minutes later he was carrying a tray that held two plates and a glass of the most obnoxious iced coffee Janus had ever seen, and he didn't even know coffee could be obnoxious.

"Why did you get two?" Janus asked, looking at the two slices of red velvet cake on the tray. Roman smiled at him.

"Didn't you say "Oh I would just hate to be given a slice by the best, most handsome group project partner ever?" Just now?" Roman asked, putting so much drama into the impersonation as he pushed one of the plates towards him, Janus stared.

"I don't talk like that," Janus said, "That was a terrible impression of me, but…. Thanks, I guess, as offensive as that was… "

"You're welcome!" Roman cheered, completely ignoring the rest of his statement as he dug into his cake, Janus just rolled his eyes and ate his own slice in silence.

About half an hour later the pair had left the coffee shop to embark on a route that Roman had up on his phone. Their first destination was the local church which was only a short walk. All the way there Roman kept up a stream of chatter. He didn't feel the need to stop talking unless Janus actually interjected, which was nicer than him needing to provide a back and forth.

Janus thought he might actually struggle to keep up with Roman's somewhat quick pace if he had to talk at the same time. When they finally arrived at the doors to the church, Janus had to lean on his cane in hopes to catch his breath without Roman noticing his struggles. He didn’t need pity from the guy, absolutely not, especially since- for some reason- Roman seemed to actually be respecting his existence as a human being at the moment.

“Alright,” Roman said, placing a hand on the large church doors,, “Hopefully there isn’t a service on right now or this’ll be really embarrassing,”

There wasn't, at the moment, much to Roman's clear relief. And they both walked inside. They stayed silent to respect the few people who were praying there as they checked the place out to see if it fits their intended film.

As Janus walked around the church he couldn't help the occasional glance to Roman's direction. The guy had a passionate gleam in his eyes as he looked around, smiling slightly and nodding to himself. Janus did not find it cute, definitely not. Not like it would matter if he did anyway..

They suddenly locked eyes and Roman gestured for them to go talk outside.

"So what do you think?" Roman asked as soon as they stepped outside.

"I don't know about you but I already have so many ideas about a bunch of scenes and…" Roman began rambling on about his ideas, smiling and gesturing with his hands to emphasize his words.

Janus tried to follow but ultimately ended up spacing out, only responding with the occasional nod.

"...What about you?"

Janus suddenly realized Roman was looking at him expectantly. He shrugged, "sounds like you have enough ideas for the two of us…" he sneered, "...and the entire class too." He added.

Roman bit his lip, "right… sorry, Virgil always tells me how annoying I get when I'm overexcited but… I wanna hear your thoughts too… please?"

At the mention of his ex-friend, Janus stiffened. Not like he forgot the two were dating, his mean mind wouldn't let him if he wanted to, but hearing Roman casually mention him was like a punch to his gut.

"...let's just check out the next place.." he tried hard to not let his voice shake as he swallowed the lump in his throat, grabbed his cane a little too tightly, and started walking.

"Janus?" Roman easily caught up to him, with his long, healthy legs. "You okay?"

"Fine." Janus gritted out, trying to pick up his pace and put Roman's annoyingly worried face behind him. Which obviously didn't work.

"You don't seem fine-"

"And what do you know?" Janus snapped, stopping in place and glaring at Roman, "you don't know anything.."

Roman looked down and started playing with his fingers awkwardly, "I know… I want to though, I want to know you." He looked up and hesitantly met Janus' eyes.

Janus looked away, "no, you don't, nobody does. So let's just get this project over with and never speak to each other again."

Roman must have sensed Janus wasn't going to change his mind anytime soon and just sighed, "if that's what you want…"

Want… yep, that's definitely what he wants, one hundred percent, no hesitation.

…isn't it?

#Someone Like You #Lily writes #chapter 3 #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfic #pre romantic roceit #ts roman #ts janus #janus sanders #roman sanders #cw food mention #tw low self esteem #tw self deprecation #wip exchange #roceit #cw disability

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