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#but please let them be gay or whatever a hobbit is
I just finished to rewatch The Lord of the Rings and dear god let Sam and Frodo be in love
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frodo-cinnamonroll · 1 year
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Request Guidelines
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Greetings! Welcome to the Council of Guidelines for a fanfiction request. Below you may read the list.
❊ See my Character list for characters I will write for :)
❊ Please be polite! I want to keep this blog as enjoyable as possible!
❊ I do not consent to any of my work being copied/plagiarized! Re-blogging is fine, I just don't want someone taking credit for something I wrote. This is mainly because I'm writing a LotR series for my own enjoyment and some of the scenes/stories you read may be snippets from the series of parts I haven't written yet.
❊ I will write anything LotR or The Hobbit! However, I do genrally prefer stories with hobbits in them (specifically Frodo if you couldn't guess ;), but I'm happy to write anything.
❊ You may ask me to write a story of any of the prompts I post!
❊ How long would you like the story to be? Short (1k-2k words or less), medium (2k-5k words), or lengthy (5k+)? If you don't know or don't care how long, that's perfectly fine! I just don't want to write a terribly long story if you wanted a short one or vice versa. Also, I may not be able to reach the number of words you would like, but I will most definitely try my best!
❊ I will write the story in my own time, so please don't pressure me. I will try to get it done ASAP, but it most likely won't be finished for two or three days. Also, I probably have another request I'm working on at the time so just keep that in mind. (see my Upcoming Works list)
❊ If you have a specific person (human, hobbit, elf, etc.) that you would like the reader to be, please let me know! I will write it as whatever I see fit if you do not (which isn't a problem if you don't know or could care less).
❊ First come, first served. I will write the story when I get to it. It's not that I don't want to write your story or have forgotten it, but if I have 10 requests already, yours will be 11th. I would like to get the story to those who asked first and have been waiting longer.
What I will write:
❊ fluff/romance
❊ angst
❊ battle/violence (but not overly gory)
❊ first, second, or third person
What I will not write:
❊ foul language
❊ inappropriate relationships
❊ gay ships
❊ smut
❊ or basically anything I'm uncomfortable writing
❊ Lastly, please let me know if anything I write impacts you in any way! Writers love more than anything to see that what they have worked so hard on has reached somebody's heart.
Thank you so very much for reading through all this! It is an honor to have you here! May you have a wonderful day!
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matrose · 2 years
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Wait but I wanna hear the unpopular (but correct) opinions about LotR! (No worries if you genuinely don't want to share!)
hi anon!! 😙 thank you for asking 💐🌷💕☺️SADLY most of my opinions are just a response to some take i saw on my pinterest explore page that i personally didnt agree with… im gonna put it under the cut so if this ends up in any tag i wont spam anyone bc its not like different interpretations of characters/text do any harm etc etc its gonna be a long, incoherent rant, without any formatting since im on mobile, so, um watch out :,) also please dont reblog
i really really dislike what feels like majority of the interpretation of the legolas/gimli relationship, like the way people portray them is sooo weird…the constant mutual antagonizing and the focus on bickering!!!! its another movie adaptation thing, because those removed most, if not all tenderness from them (the miniscule gay budget got used up for sam & frodo i guess). the appeal of gimli and legolas is not that they bicker the appeal is that they love eachother so much despite the general tensions between their peoples (although im not a fan of those tensions being overplayed for dramatics) and despite erus prophecy that there would always be conflict between elves and dwarves!!!!!!!!!!
i dislike the common fanon/movie portrayal of gimli but i think ive actually talked enough about that so im gonna talk about legolas because i also disagree with the common interpretations his character seems to find, although it doesnt bother me as much as with gimli, mostly because people still think hes cool. ANYWAYS! i think painting legolas as super hair- and beauty-obsessed (to the point of it bordering on homophobia) was luckily mostly left in the past, though pinterest still bombards me with bad memes, but i still really hate it 😒 another common thing ive seen, thats also more current, is legolas as an idiot who eats bugs or whatever which IS more fun than the first one and also closer to his book-self but i still dislike it simply because i hate when a happy/optimistic character gets headcanoned as being stupid…its unappealing and boring and i dont think its implied anywhere that legolas is exceptionally dumb :( i do like weird kid legolas a lot though hes special to me <3.
anyways since were on the topic of legolas lets talk about his family since thats another fandom/HOBBIT MOVIES favorite to distort! legolas mother is very very likely a silvan elf and very likely not dead in my opinion . i personally think silvan elves are neutral/if not positively inclined towards dwarves 👍 dont like the common fanon of extreme hatred that was taught to legolas by his parents and also dont dont dont like fanon thranduil & everything the hobbit movies made him out to be!!!!!!! i dont doubt that thranduil had some ill will towards dwarves since the whole thingol slaying and doriath thing… but thranduil is canonically a very good king and very kind, and i dont think he would let a grudge against a specific dwarf clan define his relations to a neighbouring kingdom that doesnt even belong to the same clan!!! someone who kept his kingdom save and out of trouble for so long and also has the closest relations to their neighbouring kingdom of men out of all the elven realms would be better than that and atleast be neutral and not hostile sorry this wasnt meant to be about the hobbit movies but i could go ON a out them i cant see legolas in those without laughing at him dear god. the implication that legolas, who supposedly hated dwarves, shared a horse with gimli and then was a changed man is very funny though.
also, since im going off on a tangent anyways, i think mîm didnt do anything wrong and also thingol and the dwarven smiths were both at fault for the conflict. sorry for the dwarf bias but someone has to be on their side because i still see too many people hating on them
back to lotr: i think blond blue eyed legolas is boring, i hate what they did to elrond and boromir in the movies, i think saruman and sauron being basically brothers is a very funny interpretation that we should talk about more and i hateee almost all modern lotr aus because its hars to replicaze into modern world and also aragorn would NOT be a CEO!!!!!!!!!! a good king in tolkienverse is benevolent and puts his subjects first and he is a healer. (and this idolized king figure is, of course, not historically accurate) a CEO IS NOT THE MODERN EQUIVALENT TO THAT!!!!!!! modern aragorn either sells weed, is a nurse, or a mailman more i will not say on this matter. also i hate when modern aus cut everyones hair/beard. stop!!!!!! this reminds me of the one time i saw like a college au on pinterest and it was like. gimli and legolas are forced to be roommates and legolas is disgusted by gimli being sooo dirty… HELLO? you people exhaust me………… restraining myself to go on another gimli tirade because i feel like ive done that so much and all my followers will know whats up you guys get me right yeah yeah yeah
oh about legolas and gimli/mirkwood and erebor again, sorry im a one trick pony, i think that both thranduil & unnamed wife as well as gloin & unnamed wife love their kids too much to truly oppose them being together. gloin may be hotheaded but hes not stubborn enough to not ever back down, see the council of elrond: hes mad, rightfully so, to find out that a servant of mordor was apprentely treated better as a prisoner than thorin & company but seeing as the responsible party, thranduil, is not even there, and how theres very important business to discuss he quickly backs down and even bows to legolas as an apology!!!!
[„You were less tender to me,“ said Glóin with a flash of his eyes, as old memories were stirred of his imprisonment in the deep places of the Elven-king’s halls. „Now come!“ said Gandalf. „Pray, do not interrupt, my good Glóin. That was a regrettable misunderstanding, long set right. If all the grievances that stand between Elves and Dwarves are to be brought up here, we may as well abandon this Council.“ Glóin rose and bowed, and Legolas continued.]
i tried to find out if we know how long exactly the dwarves were imprisoned, and it seems it was about 20 days, while gollum was there for around 90 days, so perhaps they would have let the dwarves get some fresh hair eventually as well . not that gloin wasnt rightfully angry, he was! and still very gracious about it . love gloin hes great
also TRUE unpopular opinion incoming: im neutral on sam/frodo…its cute yes but i dont have any big thoughts about them and i think sam and rosie are very sweet :^) but also i dont trust people who completely dislike it esp cishets…. legolas and gimli are basically canon to me like they did that. okay ready for another TRUE AND REAL unpopular opinion. i think faramir is kind of boring and i dont care much for him, sorry ❤️‍🩹
ok i think im done for now!!! phew!! anon thank you again because this helped me pass like an hour of my very long train ride!!!! <3333
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beepboopgoodsoup · 2 years
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if i had a nickel for every non-canonical forbidden love romeo and juliet type couple added into a movie based on tolkien books i would have two nickels which is not a lot but both of them are garbage.
when we saw aragorn and arwen being in love in lotr it wasn't wrong or anything, elrond just didn't like that his daughter was staying in middle earth for her boyfriend instead of going to literal heaven. the time when it was forbidden for an elf to marry a human (luthien and beren) passed long ago and elrond sure knew that. we enjoyed their story because they were just two adults in love with a dad being in the way.
when they tried to do the same thing in the hobbit it felt forced. (because it was) who the fuck cares about some random royal guard falling for a dwarf guy what was his name. the whole "but daddy i love him" scene didn't have to happen. i don't fucking care. it made tauriel 2 dimensional and dragged legolas with her.
and now the bronwyn and arondir (i even googled their names to be sure) situation. please just be normal. i am sure they can be very interesting characters if they don't make being forbiddenly in love their only personality trait.
in conclusion, i am gay and the "society doesn't let us be in love whatever shall we do :(" narrative is annoying and doesn't fit the story. no one gives a fuck. get well soon.
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mosstliest · 3 years
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mcyt movie night headcanons!
(cc!) Dream , George , Sapnap , Technoblade , Wilbur , Eret , Fundy , Nihachu , Quackity , Karl
requested? yes / no
pronouns used : they / them
cw! light nsfw (Dream) , mentions of jumpscares (horror films)
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Dream
he is a big fan of a good old netflix and chill session
something about the warm, dark living room only illuminated by the moving images on the screen, your silhouette barely visible under a blanket and whatever snack you’d found on his cupboard on your hands gets this man in a raunchy mood
he’ll pull you to his lap or slide next to you and start pecking at your neck
“But it’s just getting to the good part”
you stretch your neck to give him more room anyways
“Oh we’re about to get to the good part”
you chuckle and bite your lip to stifle a sigh as his lips begin to trace your jaw
the movie gets paused is what I’m saying
he refuses to buy any snacks from the candy shop  whenever you do go to the cinema
“It is unnecessarily expensive!”
“You have twenty million fucking subscribers!”
“BUT FOUR DOLLARS?!”
he has the most creative ways of smuggling sweets
it started with a classic tote bag
it’s become sort of a game
once, he bought the most ridiculously bulgy jacket and wore it in scorching florida weather solely for the purpose of hiding crisps
he laughs easily at movies and his wheeze has made you get kicked out of a movie theatre at least once
will talk about his favourite parts of the movie for hours after it’s finished
will laugh whenever he thinks about the funniest parts for days
George
(sort of George with a film buff s/o)
he doesn’t talk during movies and actively dislikes people who do
will complain if he doesn’t like the film but only in quiet whispers and not if he suspects you are particularly enjoying it
you made him watch a Tarkovsky film one time
he swears he didn’t fall asleep
he did
but he tried his best <3
can’t choose the movie for the life of him so you always end up having to pick
every time you try and analyze color symbolism he’ll chime in
“I’m colorblind”
before you can finish
you bait him honestly
he likes listening to you talk about your favorite movies and all the films you want to show him
he’ll look up facts about your favourite directors and will make fun of your least favourite ones with you
makes a great snobby-tarantino-fan “you’ve not known real cinema until you’ve watched pulp fiction”  impression that never fails to make you cackle
he is not a fan of horror films
you tried to make him watch one once
“I don’t really like horror movies but you said this one was good so- WHAT IS THAT?!”
turned it off immediately and you ended up watching the hobbit
Harry potter marathons are a must
he can imitate maggie smith’s accent to perfection
Sapnap
you watch anime together
I don’t give a fuck if you don’t like it
he doesn’t either
he’ll make you watch it
he has good taste though, so you end up enjoying it
cuddles with Sapnap cuddles with Sapnap cuddles with Sapnap
movie playing on the tv, your head in his chest and his hand in your waist, blankets wrapped around you and the AC running just a little bit too cold = his absolute definition of happiness
you binge watch shows in one sitting and then get sad when they’re over
he always burns the goddamn popcorn
daily movie nights!
you order in and eat a late night dinner in bed
Your pick monday, wednesday, friday
his pick tuesday, thursday, saturday
a full on debate on sundays trying to figure out a good middle ground
Whenever the movie runs late and you end up falling asleep, he’ll turn the tv off and quietly pull the blankets over your body before kissing your forehead in the sweetest way imaginable
he yells at the screen
he loves watching horror movies but gets jumpscared easily
“Awww are you scared baby?”
“Shut up y/n I’m only holding you so you don’t get scared”
“I won’t :)”
“...I’m not letting go if that’s what you’re fucking thinking”
Technoblade
(take a shot every time popcorn is mentioned and pass out)
one of your first dates was actually a movie date
he turned and whispered in your ear whenever a clever wip popped in his head and his commentary was so funny you had to bury your face in your hands so your laughter didn’t disturb the other people in the theatre
he talks during movies, he can’t help it
"heh?!"
he doesn’t like cinema popcorn and will exclusively buy chocolate
you didn’t get it until the day he made you try his trademark-techno-popcorn and wow
“holy shit this is great!”
“I know”
he’s completely ruined popcorn for you
“please don’t ever leave me, I don’t think I’ll be able to eat normal popcorn after this”
“wasn’t planning on it”
he is secretly into romcoms
you watch movies in bed, laptop propped in his legs and an obligatory bowl of popcorn in your arms
he plays with your hair for the whole time
you hate-watch bad movies all the time and your chests hurt from laughing by the end
he can easily memorize entire scenes and will repeat them to you in a totally monotone voice
It’s great
has never cried during a movie, is dreadfully proud of himself for it
sometimes he’ll get distracted and just stare at you, movie reduced to white noise in the background
“you’re so pretty”
Wilbur
makes dinner for you whenever you have a movie night
his snack game is kind of weak though, as much as I hate to say it
water and dark chocolate only
if you think he doesn’t insist on rewatching hamilton at least once every two months you are wrong
he is a goddamn hamilton kinnie and he likes the fucking songs okay?
constant change of cuddling positions
you made him sit through the entirety of the twilight saga “as a hate watch”
he now quotes it on a daily basis (never on stream, chat would eat him alive)
“Whaddaya mean team jacob? He’s a glorified furry!”
you watch a lot of documentaries
the way he concentrates on taking in every single bit of information is almost more entertaining than the actual film
he’ll tell you random facts he learnt watching the documentary and you’ll have to remind him that you watched it with him
you act out iconic romance scenes and he gets so into it
he can be anything from Jack Dawson to mr. Darcy and William Thacker and it gives you butterflies every time
you’ll stand up whenever characters are slow dancing and dance along with them
You’ve tried to watch shows together but you always end up forgetting or one of you will binge an entire season and
he’s insufferable when he doesn’t like a film but will refuse to change it
he criticizes the smallest details in a way that would make Anthony Lane look like an absolute sweetheart
you dance to the end credits theme
Fundy
(long distance!)
Netflix parties ALL THE TIME
+ discord calls / facetime
you coordinate snacks
sometimes you’ll switch whatever you’re watching to dutch for a second so he can make fun of the god awful translation
most times,you fall asleep together after the movie ends even if your time zones are far apart
you watch entire shows together, the longer the better
four or five episodes at a time
You both get super invested and will have heated discussions about whether rory should have ended up with logan or jess
whenever you talk about meeting up, watching a movie and actually cuddling comes up
he used to be kind of quiet during movies
he won’t shut up now, it’s fun, having his voice in your ears with whatever film you’re watching in the background makes it seem like he's in bed next to you
his voice would be easy to fall asleep to if he didn’t yell so often
he can guess the precise plot of every single horror movie
like word for word, scene for scene
he gets scared anyways
he sent you one of his hoodies once, after you begged for weeks
you wrap it around a plushie or pillow and cuddle it whenever you watch something together
“can’t believe a fucking sweater gets more action than me”
“oh shut up you big baby”
Eret
lots and lots of movie dates
he has excellent taste in films and shows so you let them choose most times
stacking up on cinema sweets and a huge bucket of popcorn when you go to a theatre
buying tons of crisps and candybars when you hang out at home
not the biggest cuddler in this specific setting
would much rather have her arm around your shoulder and your legs up on their lap
you watch award shows solely for the purpose of roasting the outfits
bed/couch absolutely crammed with plushies and pillows
you always make milkshakes together
not smoothies
not frappes
milkshakes
with syrup, whipped cream and a cherry on top
the night isn’t complete without them
you watch a lot of period films
“you’d look great in that”
“who are you pointing to again?”
“doesn’t matter, you’d look great in everything”
(you’ll get them to wear a corset if it’s the last thing you do)
he turns to kiss your cheek every fifteen minutes
Nihachu
you bake cookies before movie nights and decorate them specifically for the theme of the film
you did a horror marathon once
(it may have been a sneaky way to get her to hide in the crook of your neck but we don’t talk about that)
the plate of cookies flew out of her hands in minutes
she got so worried
“but you worked so hard on the decorations :(“
“it’s fine babe, we’ll just eat the plain ones”
she wrapped her arms around you and kissed your cheek so it was totally worth it
the decorations were kinda shit anyways
you watch a ton of coming of age movies and will listen to the soundtrack for days after
she’s so funny during movies
sometimes a character will do something stupid and her remark will be so absolutely stingy both your hands will fly to your mouths and you’ll stare at each other, eyes wide, before falling into a fit of giggles
simping over powerful women with Niki
you have a huge watchlist of gay films and high five everytime you cross one off
cuddling under a huge pile of blankets
switching sweaters
Zuko climbing unto the laptop and pausing the movie at the most inconvenient times
Quackity
he eats dry cereal during movies because he’s just chaotic like that
you sit on the floor with your backs to the couch and eat takeout and drugstore snacks
the amount of times you’ve watched the fucking bee movie
you like watching things in spanish
everything from crappy soap operas to almodovar films
he likes to translate things and can do it super quick so you never really need subtitles
you watch a lot of superhero movies and he has made you watch Adam Sandler’s entire filmography
the floor always ends up messy and cleaning up afterwards is almost as funny as the film itself
sitcoms!
lots and lots of sitcoms
Karl
pillow fort is obligatory
monster energy drinks and a huge variety of candy
microwave popcorn with too much butter
hot cocoa with too many marshmallows
you mostly watch cartoons and 2010’s nickelodeon shows
scream singing the iCarly theme song and hating on tori from victorious
getting really into the adventure time lore
tickle fights when the film gets boring
he takes recommendations from “indie film” tiktoks and you mock him for it endlessly
he has weirdly obscure knowledge on every show you watch
he has a big colección of dvds/videotapes so you get to watch some oldies
he falls asleep with his head in your lap or your shoulder
he gives you a sweater or hoodie to wear and lends you plaid pyjama pants
you quote movies on stream and have ton of private jokes
can you tell I got lazy at the end?
likes and reblogs are always appreciated and have a wonderful morning/day/afternoon/evening/night <3
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High School AU!! Headcanons!! (The Hobbit//LOTR)
Let me just start off by saying... SOMEONE, PLEASE DO A SERIES OF THESE, BECAUSE I'M TOO LAZY-
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Let's begin, shall we?? And get the boring headcanons over with!!!
In this 🌟 canonical 🌟Universe, you (Reader) attend a new School after moving a few towns over, and end up here
To kick off these headcanons, I'd prefer the Races/Species to all stay the same!!
That means YES, there ARE hobbits, elves, dwarves, etc!!!
(And you, can be whatever race you choose 👌)
I also find peoples OC's so cute!! The main characters and you are NOT the only people who attend this school, so if you have OC ideas, please share!!! 💜💜
You're also a very well known student, that everyone knows by name!!
Some of our older characters would be teachers
So, Gandalf, Bilbo, Balin, Elrond, you get the gist
Bilbo, I think, would undoubtedly be either a History teacher, or librarian at the least!!
He's got such extensive knowledge of maps and books, so the job would be perfect 💜
Celeborn and Galadriel as the principles, Gandalf runs the guidance Office and Elrond as the school Counselor 💙💙
They may also have some sparring or self-defense classes as well!!
Obviously, it's high school, so we're still going to include some of the stereotypes...
however, I'll try not to make them too adamant, because I want to get each character as close as possible!!
Clubs, Sports, and Extracurriculars are a MUST 📚
Art club, book club, agricultural sciences, FFA, all that jazz 🙌
(most of these include American classes, so lemme know if you want a class that we might not have, included!!)
Jocks would probably include some of our more "hardy" or athletically inclined people (Legolas, Gimli, Fili & Kili, Aragorn, Eomer)
Maybe some "techies" or nerds (Merry, Faramir, Lindir)
And of course the popular kids 🙄✋ (Boromir, Legolas, Nori, Eomer, Pippin)
And although we love our heroes, I feel strongly that Orcs and villains would also attend this high school
This includes Sauron!! He's the schools biggest Senior bully 🔥
And the 3 trolls, each in a different grade
Really quick, here's a tier list that I created!! The top 3 that were cut out are Balin, Dori, and Radagast, (in that order)
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This one is for Clubs, Sports, and other high-school-cliches that I felt need be included
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Now, I feel that some of these characters belong in more than one category, but I put them in what best seemed fit
Just imagining some of the school memories being made makes me so happy
So now onto the FUN HEADCANONS
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
Imagine Cheering on Legolas at football games 🥴 💚
Studying in the library with Frodo and Lindir 📖 🌹
Stupid class presentations and group projects with Merry and Pippin 💀
Passing notes with Eowyn and Arwen about crushes 📝
Maybe learning the great History of Middle earth in Mr. Baggins class!!
Speaking of which, Bilbo's just a tired old gay teacher, please just leave him alone 😩
GOING TO PROM, ISTG-- 🤭💜
CAN YOU IMAGINE??
Getting all fancied up for a school dance with your friends//partner 😩✋
And we ALL know the things that teachers do when they ship students 🙄💜
Yeah, Balin always makes sure to sit you and your future husband/ wife together
And Gandalf always stopping by in the classes or at lunch and subtly dropping hints...
(The Romance Grandpas™ 👀, if you don't understand, just read this... 💜)
BOMBUR IS #1 LUNCH LADY
Galadriel being EVERYONE'S favorite principal, no questions asked!!
Denethor is the creepy Janitor because WE CAN NOT STAND HIM 😒
Finding 'Boromir was here' scratched onto the tops of desks and Bathroom stalls
Thorin is the annoyingly hot and athletic Football (American) Coach-
Girls and boys whispering to each other about how HOT Aragorn be looking today 👀
This is a personal preference, but I think accents and long hair should definitely stick around!!
Maybe with the exception of pulling hair up into man-buns and ponytails 😩💜
Also, definitely modern clothes
Because DAYUM, the hobbits with their own aesthetic??? Yes???
*insert Kidcore pippin* 👀👀👀
GOTH FARAMIR, -- 🖤💜🖤
Cottage Core TAURIEL...
BOFUR DRESSES UP AS THE SCHOOL MASCOT (which is coincidentally a green dragon)
I have so many more ideas, but not enough time, so if you'd like a part two, just let me know!!
Not all of these are totally accurate, but what I felt strongly about!! If you have another idea, just disagree respectfully and share!!!
And if you'd like to use these for a story or series, just tag me so I can read them!!! I LOVE reading those!!!
Please share and reblog if you like!!! 💜
TY lovelies!! 💜💜
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
People that I think would enjoy this...
@luna-xial @rowandor @tolkien-fantasy @ineffablebean @trxblemaker @kumqu4t @celestialxplanet @legolaslovely
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softforklave · 3 years
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The Big Klave Fic Rec
Reginald Hargreeves does everything he can to learn about the Umbrella Academy’s powers, but Klaus is the one who finds out why they have their powers. No one expected the answer to be “we’re fallen angels” but here they all were. This is for my lovely @cemeteryklaus I hope you enjoy this! You will not run out of klave fics on my watch ;)
I have excessively been reading klave fics since s1 came out in February 2019, when there was only one page under the Klaus Hargreeves/Dave tag on ao3 (before our King shared his full name on Twitter). There are currently 2056 fics on ao3, and I can (un)fortunately say I have read almost all of them (what am I doing with my life?). Klave has been blessed with so many talented writers, so this is quite the list. Many of them have written more than one fic (some even over 50!), and since they are all amazing, it would take ages to list them all. Therefore, I have decided to recommend authors who have written two or more klave fics and linking to their the umbrella academy ao3 works page. Go read all of their works, and I can guarantee that every single fic is wonderful! And dont forget to leave kudos and comments, our writers deserve all the love and appreciation that we can give them! 
I also highly encourage people reblogging with their favourite fics, if you want to show the writers some more love or if I have forgotten your favourite fic (you can also dm me if you want me to add it on)! I have tried to @ the authors, but sometimes it can be hard to find the right blogs. Please let me know if I have tagged you wrong, forgotten to tag you or dont want me to tag you, I will remove the @ at once! I will try to update this as I continue to excessively consume klave content (though this is limited to ao3 and tumblr), so please come back to this list for more recommendations. Happy Reading! <3
Authors (2 or more klave fics)
A - B
a_nybodys /// accidentallyanoctopus /// actuallymaxie ///admirabletragedy @admirabletragedy /// aelisheva /// AliNear /// Allandnothing /// allthempickles /// Ama /// Anglophile_Rin @anglophile-rin /// aubrey_writes /// aye_of_newt @aye-of-newt /// bacondoughtnut @spookybeez /// Becca_Hay /// Bendy_CA @apocalypse-gang /// bennybentacles @bennybentacles /// blazeofglory /// Bluebacchus @bluebacchus /// bluetigerlillies @frogsarebxtches /// brionylarkin @brionylarkin 
C - E
CaptainAmericaoftheTardis /// CharryWotter /// covenofthearticulate @codenameseance /// CowgayKermit @cowgaykermit /// crisecardiac @thistlemoth /// Cyane /// Dancinbutterfly @dancinbutterfly /// dandelyre @dandelyre /// deargalileo/// deathishauntedbyhumans @deathishauntedbyhumans /// discohargreeves /// Doctor959 /// Dog_Bearing_Gifts @dogbearinggifts /// Drhair76 @handcoversheart-76  ///  dyllpickless @dyllpickless /// electric016 @electric016 /// Eternal_Peace_Is_Overrated @flowercrownsandbooks 
F - K
Faetality @faetxlity /// forestdivinity (ForestDivinity) @forestdivinity /// forthekidswhoaintgotnosoul @prime8svevo /// FrazzledSquidz G33kinthepink /// ghostbythesea @gay-poster-child  /// goldieknocks @goldieknocks  /// Hemitreunited @hermitreunited /// hippieklaus @hippieklaus /// hujwernoo /// iamnotalizard @lizard-overlord /// ilikeshipment @theseance1968 /// intheflowers /// Karturtle (karturtle) @karturtle /// Katplanet @katplanet /// KawaiiCommunism @kawaiic0mmunism /// KindaCool @kindasickkindacool /// klausmoon 
L - P
lastyoungrene-gay-de @lastyoungrene-gay-de /// livid /// LiviJoyann /// livtontea @zontiky /// loves_buckybarnes ///  Lyviel @justatiredghost /// Majure @fanthings /// Mars_and_Moon /// mieczyhale @mieczyhale /// momebie (katilara) @charmingpplincardigans /// noodlerdoodler ///  MusicLover19 ///  Nyctae /// obscurityofphylum /// ohmygodwhy @gaycinema /// Opal_Lakes /// @opal-lakes /// ophelibob_writes @a-human-pippin-took /// Papapaldi @wykart/// perceptuallydisorganizedwriter ///  PickledBeef  @pickledbeefwastaken ///  polarkai /// princejoopie @princejoopie /// punk_rock_yuppie
Q - S
queenbaskerville /// QueenOfAllCorgis /// rumbleroarsslumberingcubs /// Scalliwag @sscalliwag /// seancequeen @seancequeen /// sehn_sucht @sehn----sucht /// SerpaSas @queenbeyondthewalll  /// Shadowscast ///  Shamefulshameless @shameful-shameless /// Sharpworksamurai/// shipNslash /// Siriuspiggyback @cowboyklaus /// Smallswritesstuff @mychemicalxmen /// smile_it_will_get_better @smileitwillgetbetterbitches /// softforklave @softforklave (shameless self promo) ///spookyfbi @spookyfbi  /// stuckinmybook /// Squintern @chinchillinator ///  squishitude @squishitude /// sunriseseance @sunriseseance /// sunshineklaus
T - Y
tealeavesandtrash @carry-on-my-wayward-hobbit /// thefangirlingdead @thefangirlingdead /// TheMadHatterOfficial /// thetreasuerhunter @yeah-klave /// tjstar @i-seeaspaceshipinthe-sky /// TobiBooneTheSmallSpoone @tobiboonethesmallspoone/// TotallynotRemus @totallynotremus /// TwistedIllusions @courtneytarynofficial /// twosidedcoin /// VeteranKlaus @veteranklaus /// wildeism @knifecatklaus /// writer_inthe_dark /// yukiawison /// zweebie 
Fics (authors with currently only one klave fic)
Placeholder by Ace_Chey (mrs_sakuma) @cheydoesfandom
PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS A FIRST DRAFT WIP, EXPECT MISTAKES IN SPELLING, GRAMMAR, AND TIMELINES after NaNo I plan to edit and republish a cleaner, more complete version in 2021 ~~~
When Klaus sees the news that their father is dead, they’re feeding their seven-month-old daughter, Grace Kelly Katz, one year sober, and finally back on T (prescribed this time). Their siblings still haven't met Dave, let alone Gracie, and Klaus can't bear the thought of introducing them, not now, under these circumstances, so they go alone. But when the family reunion becomes complete with Five's sudden and bizarre arrival, not from 45 years in a wasteland, but directly from the lunch he ran away from 20 years ago, they realize things are going to get more complicated and they might not be able to put it off any longer.
Words: 58,217 Chapters: 36/? Status: Hiatus
Snapshots of a Life Well Lived by Ace_of_Spades_400
One week into Vietnam and the briefcase is broken. Klaus is never going home. He's just going to have to make the most of his life here, now.
Words: 13,960 Chapters: 3/3 Status: Complete
Run for miles just to get a taste by Agf
Dave comes back to 2019, and Klaus has some memories best exorcised with new ones.
Words: 1,666 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
Not a Replacement, Never a Replacement by AndThenHeGotKnockedUp
Klaus hasn't piloted a Jaeger in years. He hasn't wanted to without Ben. He's spent all that time wandering far, far away from anything having to do with the Academy and kaiju.
Unfortunately for him, the world is ending, and Luther doesn't give him a choice.
(Pre-Klave! Will have a follow up in the future.)
Part 1 of the UA PacRim Fusion series
Words: 2,625 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
soldiered together by Anonymous 
"... I was foolish enough to follow him all the way to the front line."
Words: 2,993 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
know tenderness by applepandowdy
Klaus wished, more than anything, that they had just had a bit more time.
Words: 1,266 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
whatever words I say, i will always love you by ariya167 and bigembarrasingheart @ariya-167and @bigembarrassingheart
Dave kissed Klaus first, but Klaus kissed him back.
Words: 921 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
if i could choose anything in the world (id pick you every time) by aseriesofessays @macroglossus
"Would you have come back?"
He thinks about a farm.
Words: 588 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
The Boy and The Ghost by Astheroid 
“Look for me. Promise me Dave, promise you’ll look for me at the Umbrella Academy!”
Dave never knew what those words meant, the parting words of the man he loved, and they made absolutely no sense.
Until thirty-four years later when he found his purpose.
“Our world is changing. Has changed. There are some among us gifted with abilities far beyond the ordinary. I have adopted six such children. I give you the inaugural class of the Umbrella Academy.”
or story of ghost Dave finding thirteen year old Klaus and swearing to protect him from all evil.
Words: 4,494 Chapters: 2/? Status: WIP
new year, new me (things always turn out how they’re meant to be) by Astronomical_Aphrodite @aesthetic-antheia
When they travelled back through time, Klaus wasn’t expecting to be the only one who remembered. 
Part 1 of maybe by next January
Words: 80,770 Chapters: 18/20 Status: WIP
Five times Klaus dies in Vietnam and comes back, and One time Someone else does by BabyPom
Klaus can't seem to die, at least not permanently.
Words: 1,169 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
How The Hollyhocks Bloom by batcavemasquerade
In which Klaus Hargreeves, a retired pacifist, is dumped headfirst into the Vietnam War. Klaus never comes home and his brothers and sisters claw their way back to him, one by one, after the end of the world.
AKA: The siblings go back to the 1960s to regroup and to get a few measly moments of goddamned peace and quiet, and find Klaus serving in the Vietnam War, different and sober as can be.
Words: 24,035 Chapters: 16/20 Status: WIP - Chapter 16 is the new chapter 1. For the rewrite, read from 16 and upwards.
i hope you know you're my desire (i hope you know you're the one) by beezran
It must be fate when Dave puts his hand on Klaus’ cheek right as Klaus starts to ache for his kiss.
Kiss me.
His touch makes Klaus stand up straighter and edge closer to him.
“You’re beautiful, you know?” Dave says, and even with all that they’ve been drinking, Klaus knows it isn’t that what’s talking.
“Kiss me,” Klaus actually says it. He can’t take it back, and he doesn’t want to when Dave is looking at him like that.
Dave’s breath ghosts over his lips and Klaus keeps repeating it in his head like a prayer.
Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me.
Or he might have said it, he’s not sure when he’s so caught up in the feeling of Dave so close to him.
Words: 22,708  Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
Arcane Incidents of Anoxia by Bellovebug
Klaus dies.
Klaus dies, and Dave can't breathe.
He forgets what it's like, the feeling of oxygen entering his lungs, the sensation of carbon dioxide exiting them.
He remembers, though, the stories Klaus used to tell. He remembers that joke he'd made about that briefcase he always carried around being a time machine. He remembers the tall tales of a family of superpowers, a less than stellar father. He remembers the stories he'd spun out of thin air, of time travel and a disappearing brother and a talking chimpanzee and a robot mother.
(He remembers the true story he'd told about seeing ghosts.)
He only learns once he opens that mysterious briefcase under Klaus's cot that all of the stories were true.
Every one of them.
Words: 22,075 Chapters: 4/? Status: WIP
life is full of pain, i'm cruisin' through my brain by bigembarrassingheart @bigembarrassingheart
Bullets whizzed past his ears, and he would have screamed but he already was. Klaus grabbed Dave’s face, stroked his cooling cheek, rested his head on his shoulder like he did when they had nights alone. There had to be some life left in his body. In any second he would feel the heave of his chest. He had to.
or
Klaus takes a pit stop before going back to the future.
Words: 1,188 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
found by burlesquecomposer
Klaus’s right hand is Dave’s favorite one to hold. As long as they embrace hello, Dave says, they’ll never have to say goodbye.
But war is a bitch, and Dave is the one who gave him an excuse to charge into it head-on.
Words: 2,628 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
You Drew Stars Around My Scars by caliibee
“Does it hurt?” Klaus asked softly, running his fingers over Dave’s face and down his neck. He trailed down his chest, mindful of the deep-set wound that always sent a shock through his heart no matter how many times he’d seen it. Dave caught his hands and brought them back up to cup his face.
“No, not anymore.”
Words: 792 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
The Umbrella Academy: Winter Soldier by chiquitasdave and ratsbaby (orphan_account)
Luther lands an uppercut to the jaw, sending the soldier flying, and Diego’s moving before he even lands. His grip on Klaus tightens and his mouth opens to say something, anything, to pull him back to the safety of the car they crouch behind, but Klaus beats him to the punch. He leans forward to better watch the action, to cheer his brother on (or clean up his remains, depending on how this goes), and stops cold as the soldier pushes himself to his feet again.
Klaus' first thought is that he’s beautiful. Klaus’ second thought is that he knows him.
The threat of danger is sensed and signals fire to tell the brain, no, not yet! We weren’t meant for this! He can’t take it now! The body reacts to stop him, but Klaus steps forward anyway. He ignores every impulse because he knows him, because love makes him stupid, because he has to.
Klaus takes another step forward.
‘Dave?’
‘Who the hell is Dave?’
Words: 13,120 Chapters: 3/10 Status: WIP 
I Could Not Be At Rest, I Could Not Be At Peace by CosmicJourney @cosmictapestry
With the apocalypse delayed, there's now ample opportunity for Klaus to open up to his siblings about his past. There's also ample opportunity to try and conjure Dave. Unfortunately, one of these has to take precedence over the other.
(Season 1 AU)
(Sequel to "I'll Find Sleep, I'll Find Peace")
Words: 52,274 Chapters: 10/10 Status: Complete
Sick Of Losing Soulmates by CrazyAngel
"Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together? Some things are too strange and strong to be coincidences."
Back in 2019, things are the same but also different. The Hargreeves have messed with the timeline way too much and some things clearly aren't the same — like giving the chance for Klaus to meet Dave again. Klaus knows nothing about reincarnation or if it was really he and his brothers fault for this, but he'll take the chance anyway. Even if this Dave is blind now.
Part 1 of the Right Back Where We Started (Again) series
Words: 26,417 Chapters: 6/6 Status: Complete
Admist the Chaos by crazynadine 
Ten months. Klaus spent ten months in Vietnam, fighting a war he didn't belong in, falling in love with a man he didn't deserve.
The long and convoluted tale about how a time traveling junkie and a disillusioned solider found love amidst the chaos of war....
Words: 87,700 Chapters: 10/10 Satus: Complete
The beginning of something by DoctorProfessorSong @doctorprofessorsong
The Hargreeves siblings find themselves in a future they barely recognize. Their father is alive. Their home is occupied by a mixture of strangers and familiar faces calling themselves The Sparrow Academy. None of them are friendly.
But it's all going to be okay. Five has a plan to restore the timeline. The rest of the siblings just need to sit tight and lay low. Just don't wander off. How hard can that be?
A continuation of the story from S2 because I am impatient for more. This one is gonna get real dark but I promise I am going to give the Hargreeves a happy ending.
Words: 52,548 Chapters: 18/18 Status: Complete
take me out, baby by downpours @fourhargreeves
For someone who spent a decade running from the debts he owed, Klaus spent an alarming amount of time trying to recompense Dave for loving him.
Words: 6,802 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
Your Song by eithergayorgayer @yerbluues9
"And you can tell everybody, this is your song."
In which Klaus can play piano and sing and decides to serenate Dave who is watching from above.
Words: 3,578 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
Hands by GoldenBones
Late at night after the disco when everyone else is asleep, Klaus kneels at Dave’s bunk and whispers a silent prayer into Dave’s hands. In a rare moment of peace against the harsh Vietnam winter, Klaus holds Dave’s hand against his face and tries to sleep.
Words: 1,640 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
Ink and Dirt, Eggs and Orange Juice by HappySeaNinja
It’s a quick job on an overcast day, in and out, smooth like coffee, and the only hitch is in his voice when he says goodbye. There’s dirt under his fingernails, ink on his stomach, and a lingering shot of whisky on his tongue.
Really, it’s all that’s left.
Non-linear moments in Klaus and Dave's relationship across seasons 1 and 2. Please don't read unless you've watched all of season 2 as there are spoilers.
Words: 4,631 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
oh love, i'm there in memories by hellchoirs
"If only there could be an invention that bottled up a memory, like scent. And it never faded, and it never got stale. And then, when one wanted it, the bottle could be uncorked, and it would be like living the moment all over again."
Words: 1,536 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
To Have a Home by heterophobe
Dave Katz is a simple man. He values kindness, honesty and strength of character. As someone who is queer and homeless, he also has a fairly substantial distrust of law enforcement.
This is why—when a twig of a man, with kohl-lined eyes and a vibrant pair of purple tights, sprints across the alley-way he’s seated in, skids to a halt at the corner of a dumpster, and balls himself tightly out of view from the street—Dave doesn’t make a move to flag down confused-looking uniformed officers that follow him into the mouth of the alley.
It’s also why—when said officers approach him, and ask him if he’s seen anyone come by—he takes one look at the man’s pleading eyes and shakes his head mournfully. “No, sorry officers.”
OR:
As told through a series of non-linear snapshots, Dave and Klaus come to know one another.
Words: 3,346 Chapters: 2/15 Status: WIP
Dream A Little Dream of Me by idkpeachystuff
"Klaus, thinking back, had always thought that was a strange term. Making love. He wasn't actually certain why. Sex had always felt like...well, sex. Fucking. Nothing entirely special or intimate that he felt had the effect on his heart like nearly everyone had made it seem it should be. And despite how utterly and disgustingly cliché it sounded, that was of course until he met Dave."
Klaus wakes before Dave on their last morning together, on a weekend out in town that is, leaving him with one of his only options to remember everything that had happened the night before and realizing that he was deeply in love, and no matter what, he was never getting out
Words: 3,015 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
projected stars across the night sky by iheardarumor (sonicraptors)
The best nights he’d ever had in his life were spent at his side.
Words: 1,496 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
Late Shift at The Umbrella Café by intravenusann @jeffgoldblumsmulletinthe90s
Klaus and Ben have the afternoon shift together almost every day. But not every day are the customers as nice — or as hot! — as this new Dave guy.
Or, in other words, a story where Klaus gets his life together enough to get a boyfriend.
Words: 45,563 Chapters: 6/6 Status: Complete
Need Some Advice by Jenni4
Niki wasn’t used to anyone asking her opinion, so she was surprised when Vina walked into work with an extra energy drink and slid it to her. “Need some advice.”
Niki raised an eyebrow and opened the can and took a big gulp. Vina had been sitting next to her at the call center for exactly two days now. “What makes you think I’m qualified to give anyone advice?”
Vina shrugged out of her jacket and took her seat. “You seem to have your shit together.”
Niki almost choked on her laughter at that one. “That’s so far from the truth but…”
Words: 5,192 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
Farewell by JuliusQuasar @juliusquasar and LittleRit @littlerit
Day 20: Shipwrecked
Part 10 of the LittleRit's MerMay Fills 2021
Words: 100 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
a life so demanding by kaijugore @kaijugore
"He was still carrying the war in his heart, how was he supposed to talk about that?"
Ten months. 304 days. 7,300 hours. 438,000 minutes. It would never ever ever be enough time.
Part 1 of the i am (not) afraid to keep on living series
Words: 1,861 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
the sugar rush, the constant hush by kamisado 
The scars across his body mark a treasure map of mistakes. Tiny shrapnel scars and rosy-red roadrash, a lifetime of being thrown to the ground by Academy training and the real world. The ivory line tracing across his jaw, almost invisible. The tattoos and the traintracks, the pockmarked puncture wounds scattered like a horrifying constellation across his body.
He’s so tired.
[a klaus s1 character study]
Words: 3,801 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
By The Firelight by keatches @klauzoleum
They share a long look, their lips still tilted in small, secret smiles.
“I’m Dave.” He extends an open palm, skin callous but inviting. Klaus reciprocates with a clap of his own hand against his.
“Klaus.” He tilts forward as the bus jolts, trundling them away to disaster. The briefcase knocks against the heel of his boot, but Klaus absentmindedly nudges it aside.
The five significant times Klaus spoke to Dave. The one time he never will again.
Or, how they fell in love.
Words: 14,681 Chapters: 6/6 Status: Complete
in midnights, in cups of coffee by klausgraves
Dave is just trying to keep his bookstore open, and the stoned hottie that keeps wandering in and talking at the air really, really isn't helping.
Words: 7,316 Chapters: 3/? Status: WIP 
Sehnsucht by KimbaSprite @pokemonmasterkimba
Day 26: Longing
What was supposed to be a casual night out takes a turn for the weird when Dave encounters a mysterious stranger stranded on the beach. His sister keeps telling him he needs to meet new people and make connections, so why not with Klaus? Even if he is so attractive that Dave feels he may get sick from nerves alone.
-
“Hey, my eyes are up here. Careful, or you may get lost in them.“ He looks into Klaus’s eyes as instructed and hmm. Yeah, wow.
Klaus bites his lip in a way that is definitely attractive, and Dave wonders if he realizes what he’s doing to him. Probably. Probably. Klaus seems like the kind of person who knows just how powerful they are.
All at once Dave finds himself sympathizing with old-timey sailors; he could see himself risk drowning just for the chance to exist in the same space as Klaus.
Words: 8,585 Chapter: 1/1 Status: Complete
I'll Never Let Them Hurt You (I Promise) by LaceratedLullabies
But whatever apocalyptic future Dave found himself in couldn’t be worse than the present. His world had already ended. - On February 21st 1968, Klaus Hargreeves dies in Vietnam. A heartbroken Dave follows his last connection to the man he loves: a time-travelling briefcase. 50 years out of time, Dave has to deal with a changed world, his aborted grief and a tortured Klaus who doesn't know him yet. Oh, and the impending apocalypse.
Words: 13,851 Chapters:7/? Status: WIP
I Will Follow You by lostonthisisland @distilledspirit
After Dave's death on the front lines of the Vietnam War he's pulled through time to witness important points in Klaus' life.
Was going for a 5+1 format, but it's a bit looser than that. So, in other words, 5 times Dave sees Klaus and 1 time Klaus sees Dave.
Words: 6,693 Chapters: 2/2 Status: Complete
i get down on my knees and pretend to pray by marinersapptcomplex @wavesknowshoress
He was quiet, for once, standing silent and breathing in the air around him. There were tears in his eyes.
Words: 2,044 Chapters: 1/1  Status: Complete
Soulmates by Meilena
"Klaus was twelve, as high as a kite, and in fact, did know why his soulmark looked so thin and light."
Everyone has a soulmark, which is where the name of their soulmate resides on the skin of their left forearm. Klaus has one too, only his is a little different.
Words: 853 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
(Feels Like) Heaven by Melivian @melivian
When Klaus wakes up in the afterlife, he can't believe his luck.  Somehow, despite his checkered past and wobbly moral compass, he's made it into the Good Place, where he'll spend eternity with his dream soulmate in a dream neighbourhood.
Only there are two problems. The first is that he's pretty sure the architect of this neighbourhood has the wrong person. And if she catches on that Klaus doesn't belong with all the heroes and philanthropists here, he'll be sent to the Bad Place.
The second is that for the residents, this dream is starting to feel a lot like a nightmare...
Part 1 of the I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door series
Words: 23,496 Chapters: 5/28 Status: WIP
Hello, Goodbye by michaelfalls
His eyes stare where Klaus can’t see. His soul goes where Klaus can’t follow.
Words: 2438 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
come on, baby by myeyesarenotblue @myeyesarenotblue
“Dave, my sister has powers,” Klaus says, matter of factly, bobbing his head up and down, “She’s had powers this whole time but my asshole father decided she was too-” and he looks down at the notebook, does finger quotes with one hand, “- 'uncontrollable' and 'dangerous’ to use them.”  
“Powers?”  
“Yeah.”  
“As in- superpowers? ”  
“Yeah,” Klaus says, and then- “I have to tell her," and then- "Wanna come with?"
Words: 5,081 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
your fingers weave quick minarets by nerdsandthelike @nerdsandthelike
According to Five, they have an apocalypse to stop in the future and here Klaus is fifty years too early trying to get in the pants of some probably straight GI who Ben keeps reminding him looks like Luther before the protein shakes. Because he’s not Allison, Klaus decides to put that particular observation waaaaaayyy to the side.
Words: 6,615 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
My Heart Is Playing Hide-And-Seek (Wait And Count To Four) by nessbess (orphan_account)
Klaus had spent what felt like a lifetime searching for Dave after he died in 1968. But Dave found him first, long before that. Klaus was five years old the first time he appeared.
Words: 11,908 Chapters: 8/? Status: WIP 
Five and Dave's Life Changing (Life Saving) Field Trip by neuronary
The little boy, who Dave could now see was not as little as he’d first thought, shoved a tin mug at him. “Drink this.”
Dave drank. It tasted sickly sweet and slightly citrus-y. “Who are you?”
“Five.” The boy’s scowl deepened at Dave’s confusion. “Klaus’ brother.”
Or, Five saves Dave's life to stop Klaus from moping. From Dave's perspective, a very grouchy, sleep-deprived twelve-year-old kidnaps him and he finds it much more entertaining than he should.
Inspired by Lyviel's 'Fixes to the Timeline'
Words: 1,728 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
breathy on the bits by Nucci @maundering-marauder
“So Fivey, tired of the school boy chic?” Klaus asked with a manic grin, “Because do I have so many ideas for you.”
“As long as it’s warm, I don’t really care.”
“Warm, check” Klaus noted, miming checking a box with his finger, “Any other demands?”
“No sequins,” Five replied and blipped out of the room.
---
Or, Five’s tired of wearing the Academy uniform and Klaus offers to help. As is wont to do with the Hargreeves, emotions and miscommunication ensues.
Words: 8,702 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
The Collision of Your Kiss by orphan_account
Klaus spends ten months in Vietnam.
Dave is why.
Words: 4,505 Chapters: 1/1 Status: discontinued
pieces (skin to bone) by orphan_account
The first time Klaus dies, he is thirteen. He dies again at seventeen, eighteen, twenty-four. By his fifth death, he has resigned himself to the blackness that awaits him. Not that he much cares: anything would be better than this, even blissful oblivion, even floating in blackness until his mind decays, and, like Five, he starts seeing people where there aren’t there, falling in love with a mannequin or a fleck of dust in his eye.
-
Dave won't come to Klaus, so Klaus decides to go to him.
Words: 2,128 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
in the mountain of the crouching beast by patrocluus
Dave catches his eye later, when they’re sitting next to each other in the bumpy truck, men jostling into each other on all sides; the corner of his mouth quirks up a little, just enough to make Klaus’ heart jump in his chest. He doesn’t remember the last time someone looked at him like that: like they have a secret to share, and that secret is the most important thing in the world, even if that world seems to be ending around them.
Or: It's 1968, and deep in the A Shau Valley, Vietnam, Klaus meets a man who feels like home.
Words: 8,203 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
in the january rain by phcbosz
And all Klaus has left to prove that any of it happened and wasn’t just one fucked up dream is a pair of bloody dog tags, a tattoo on his arm, and the taste of ash sticking to the roof of his mouth.
Words: 5,226 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
Dancing to the Rhythm of a Different Drum by PlaneJane
Klaus escapes from one terror, and finds himself in another: the A Shau Valley, Vietnam, 1968.
"They kissed at midnight, breath heavy with liquor, the first brush of Dave’s lips making Klaus weak at the knees. Giddy at the gentle way Dave took his face in his hands, like Klaus was something precious."
My Klaus and Dave backstory, because the show didn't give me enough.
Words: 1,498 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
His name was Dave by punkspiders
Klaus reflects back upon his time both in the Vietnam War, and with the man he loved more than himself.
Words: 1,654 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
How Not To Propose by RhubarbDuck
His life follows a monotonous routine: wake up, smoke, go to the same shitty grocery store, space out for eight hours and occasionally stock shelves, more drugs, rinse, and repeat.
His life was, at some point, a little more exciting (if exciting meant going on a week-long bender and waking up in a cell with the worst headache he ever experienced). After a couple weeks in jail and the threat of a rehab that he could never attend, he met Dave. Honestly, Klaus couldn’t remember his life before Dave. Dave was kind and understanding and way too put together to be with a fuck up like Klaus, but for whatever reason he seems to love Klaus- or at least he tells him so twice a day.
Or
American Ultra AU
Words: 19,824 Chapters: 5/? Status: WIP
The Moments We Had by RosyPages @thesevenumbrellas
A series of moments between Dave and Klaus as they fall in love during the war.
Words: 2,044 Chapters: 3/8 Status: WIP
In the Dark by runrarebit
So they're back in the past, they're thirteen again, Ben is alive, Vanya doesn't remember, her siblings are suddenly treating her differently, better, and all of a sudden she and Klaus are bonding- Klaus who is still trying to be clean and sober- except things are never easy, are they? There’s their father to contend with, once more alive and at the height of his power over them, and there’s secrets, always secrets, always in danger of getting out, and after their father decides that a clean and sober Klaus is a Klaus that can resume his training Reginald Hargreeves just might not be the scariest man walking the halls of the Umbrella Academy- even if only one person can see him.
The thing about Klaus is that, even trapped, in the dark, he is never alone. Never alone. Never. And the past he's been running from ever since he was a small child might just now be something he can’t escape from.
Words: 61,243 Chapters: 18/18 Status: Hitaus
well, the clock says it's time to close now by rythyme (pugglemuggle)
The first time Klaus falls in love, it's in the middle of a war. Fate really does enjoy cruel irony.
Or, a series of vignettes from the ten months Klaus and Dave spent together in Vietnam.
Words: 3,788 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
Fancy Seeing You Here by Saccha @sacchariwrites
Dave miraculously survives being shot in the chest, and is present when Klaus gets in a fight at that vets bar.
Written for EnKlave Fest.
Words: 1,891 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
Valentine’s Day in Vietnam by salvador-daley @salvador-daley
A hungover Klaus awakes after a night in the arms of a young man from Dallas
Words: 1.7k Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
In the Dark of the Night by sassmaster_tiresias @i-will-fong-you
The flashlight is still on, peeking out between the folds in Dave’s comforter, and Dave remembers how frantic Klaus had been to turn it on.
He remembers how he couldn’t even really see Klaus when he’d first woken up, his beautiful face obscured by the darkness. Then, he remembers the Christmas lights in Klaus’ room—strung in a haphazard zig-zag up the wall beside his bed, the soft glow that was present every time Dave had been in that room.
“The lights,” he says.
Words: 2,437 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
War is Hell by sauropod @occult-criticality
Klaus' hands were still filthy with dried blood and muck as he fumbled at the clasps, the combination lock on the top. Desperate, blind hope had his heart going a mile a minute. The dial still read that seemingly random set of numbers it had the first time he opened it on the bus, what felt like a lifetime ago.
0213-18-02-1967
“Please.” Klaus choked. “Please work.” He opened the briefcase.
Words: 80,813 Chapters: 21/? Status: WIP
New and Familiar by Snabby
If you told Dave a year ago that he had a loving (if a bit crazy) boyfriend, in a relationship which he didn’t have to hide, he wouldn’t have believed you. Although that thought isn’t as crazy in comparison to being in the future and the fact that his boyfriend, can not only see ghosts but was raised in a crazy cult-like superhero family.
In Dave’s opinion, the oddest thing out of the whole family is Five
So he was a little shocked and confused when Five popped in front of him.
“I need you to get a decent fucking cup of coffee” shoving his little finger in Dave’s face
----------
Or Klaus and Dave pretend to be Five's parents so the poor little dude can get coffee
Words: 1967 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
It's a Piece of Cake to Bake a Pretty Cake by StardustInYourEyes
Prompt: Flour fight in the kitchen Klaus and Dave's attempt at making a cake
Words: 2,535 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
i just wish that you were here, now by sapphictomaz
Immediately after the Season One finale, Klaus finds himself back in 1968, and is forced to so some soul-searching while dealing with the rest of his siblings and the memories he has of Dave from the first time around.
Title from "Wish You Were Here" by Marianas Trench.
Words: 4,055 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
face to face (and a thousand miles apart) by shadowlancer_95 @shadowsofmoonracer
His strides were long, and shaky as he stumbled through the darkness, relying on the barest threads of memory to Allison’s house. The cut on his lip stung in the cold night air, his throbbing cheekbone a mere shadow of the agony in the hollow cavity where his heart used to be.
Or,
Klaus, after his second (and most disastrous) meeting with Dave.
Words: 1,799 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
i wore his jacket for the longest time by sharkhette
So, maybe Klaus wasn’t in his right frame of mind. Maybe he hadn’t been for a long time. But Dave was dead, and that meant Klaus should be able to conjure him, one way or another. The traditional method of cleaning up his act and sitting around to wait hadn’t worked, so it was time to get imaginative.
Klaus just wants to see Dave again, and he's willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen, no matter the cost. Includes conversations with Ben, Diego, God, a surly preacher, and gratuitous references to certain MCR songs.
Words: 7,252 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
His oxygen belongs to Death by Sophiethegeek
He can almost taste their bloodlust on his tongue, feel their rage heavy in his breastbone. They’re bad today, and it’s safe to say he’s having a very bad day as a result. Each swipe is sending icy pain across his skin, making him shiver. God, he’s cold.
He closes his eyes, pretending not to hear the faint roar of the snarling, crying, screeching mass around him. Why did he think sobriety was a good idea? Christ on a cracker, this fucking sucked.
Or: After hopping around time, and returning to the day of the apocalypse that never was, Klaus falls apart slowly, then all at once.
Words: 91,661 Chapters: 8/? Status: WIP
Love You, Sugar by spaceysev
There’s a reason Klaus can’t listen to Total Eclipse of the Heart anymore, and it’s got everything to do with the only man who was ever allowed to call him Sugar.
Words: 3,828 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
musical preference by sourcheeks
“Of course you don’t like country.”
“I never said that,” Klaus replied diplomatically, even though it was true.
Words: 227 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
Wings of Feathers and Wax by TerezFox8989
A look at the morning after their first time.
Hell, he always considered it a personal victory if he could put a name to a face after, which had suited him just fine. Sex had always had a means to an end, he used and was used; drugs, food, sleep, alcohol. But never this...not mornings after wrapped up in each other talking about family.
Words: 1,534 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
One Night in Saigon by terracotta_heartbreak
They're drunk, they're in a Saigon Hotel, and Klaus is smoking on the bed, but that's nothing new. But it's such an odd thing to be alone together, that doe-eyed strange man who never made sense here, and the soldier who'd fallen for him, for all those eccentricities. How are you meant to make sense of each other in the 60s, in that musky haze of war, drugs and the sounds of political blues rock?
Words: 2,011 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
Just One in Thousands by TheArchaeologist @ancientstone
Take the idea that Five is followed by all his victims from his time at the Commission, and take the idea that Five is responsible for Dave’s death, and what do you get?
Pain.
Pain is what you get.
Words: 1,351 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
Dancing with a Ghost by TheBestofEverything
"Would you like to share this dance with me?" Dave asked quietly.
"I'd love to," Klaus smiled as he took Dave's hand in his.
(Klaus is finally sober, and he conjures Dave.)
Words: 664 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
Bad Enough for You by thehoundisdead
Dave can be bad. He doesn’t want to be but he can. He wants to spoon Klaus; to gather him up tight enough against his chest to hold all of his pieces together, to let him relax for once. He wants to take a bath with him and shampoo his hair and make him breakfast in bed and wrap him up in his softest blanket. But that’s not what Klaus wants, at least not yet. Dave has a strong suspicion that Klaus has never been treated softly by a partner. So, bad boy.
based on the song bad enough for you by all time low
Words: 8,757 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
The Way Light Swallows Shadows by TheSevenUmbrellas (RosyPages) @thesevenumbrellas
Dave is a vampire hunter who has never hunted a vampire in his life. Klaus is a vampire made for a war that ended before he was even born. When ten years of peace are put at risk after the death of a hunter, they’re both faced with the possibility that maybe the war isn’t over after all. Separated from their respective sides, Dave and Klaus have no other option but to depend on each other to get home before a war can tear their lives apart.
Words: 5,932 Chapters: 2/24 Status: WIP
Tag, You're It by totallyevan @totallyevan
Dating in Vietnam was never easy. Klaus and Dave have to watch out for everything, but thankfully they know their way around the system. Things escalate quickly and the only witness is the moon.
Words: 11,116 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
something so magic about you (so tragic about you) by Tremble
Snippets of their live in Vietnam or Dave slowly finding out that Klaus is nowhere near ordinary. --- This was originally suppose to be a 5+1 thing, but uh that didn't happen. oops
Words: 6,625 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
21.02.1960 by Uglyfrogboi
It was funny how time worked, how it was both only a couple of weeks ago yet it was also exactly nine years in the future. Why is he mourning a day that hasn’t technically happened yet? It’s a simple answer really, that was the day he thinks he last felt anything other than that horrible, thick, smothering, emptiness that seems to follow him around. Today, nine years from now, is the day that his world ended.
<>
How Klaus deals with being dropped in the past, ten days before the anniversary of Dave's death.
Words: 3494 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
you're getting on my (optic) nerves by untrustworthyglitch 
Klaus Hargreeves is many things. He's a former child superhero, an estranged brother, a drug addict, a frequent flyer at the local rehab facility. He can talk to the dead and never seems to die and loves a good thunderstorm.
He's also blind, but he wasn't always.
Part 1 of the blind!klaus (hazy, but hopeful) series
Words: 6,375 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
Scarlet Song by UrsaCentum(phantomviola) @flecket
Klaus isn’t a big fan of Hell.
drabble written for TUA AUgust 2021 Day 25: Angel/Demon
Part 6 of the Ursa's AUgust Fills 2021 series
Words: 100 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
never felt so high (think i'm coming down) by wewhofightmonsters
“Dave,” he whispers, and he leans down to press a kiss, light as a summer breeze, to Dave’s forehead, “Dave, I’m a fucking idiot. I love you back. I love you back.” And as he says it, he knows it to be true, and that small, closed up part of him that has languished in the dark and the constant haze of drugs, unfurls and stretches out towards the light. “I love you back,” he says again, in wonder.
(Klaus and Dave, and second chances)
Words: 24,536 Chapters: 8/? Status: WIP
Curl Conditioner by wormbcy @nastyworm
Klaus tidies up his supplies and puts it all back in the cabinet, and then hums to himself in thought.
"Hey Dave, space for another in there?"
Words: 6,524 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete
would it be enough (if I could never give you peace) by ZJpotter
The Hargreeves' and their sixties love. 
Chapter 2: Klaus, bugs, and the definiton of home. 
Words: 2,909 Chapters: 2/2  Status: Complete
252 notes · View notes
suicunesrider · 3 years
Text
Wishlist for the new Lord of the Rings/Tolkien/Middle Earth/ whatever the fuck series that's coming out soon
-More women. LotR had like 3 and The Hobbit had like 2. The cast already has plenty of women I think, so we'll probably be fine. But like, I hope they're well written too.
-Dragons. This is an indulgent one. I don't care that Tolkien didn't write about any dragon activity during the second age. I don't care that dragons like Ancalagon and Glaurung are dead and Smaug hasn't even been born yet. Just bullshit me up some dragons
-No more of that "good is pretty and evil is ugly" crap. I mean I understand creatures like the orcs and trolls and goblins still gotta look like.... that. (and I mean orcs were originally just corrupted elves that look gnarled and twisted) but like. Sauron? Was supposed to be attractive or something right? Don't do the BS we got in LotR where they just covered him up in armor. cowards
-The goddamn racism. Ok this is gonna take up a few bullets
-You know how they made the orcs white with blue eyes in The Hobbit, to make up for the orcs in LotR all being dark with dark eyes? Yeah keep that up. Make the evil characters AND good characters come in all different skin tones. Don't go backwards
-Tolkien wrote Middle Earth as the North-West medieval area with all the white people, then to the East and South you had more "barbaric" lands with darker skinned people, and a lot of these people fought for Sauron and it's just. Not good. It's one thing for it to be in the books, but then LotR decided to keep it in for some reason? Like? No
-Don't do that
-Have positive representation of BIPoC
-There's already people of colour in the cast, but PLEASE let them be well-written
-God let their be women and PoC in the writer's room
-Another indulgent one: Let more animals talk. Some animals (the giant eagles, the wargs, etc) talk in the books. Shadowfax is the "lord of the horses." Moths can send messages. This is fantasy let's stop being so serious. The Hobbit had a talking dragon and spiders and a sentient hedgehog, lets keep it up
-Don't try to be like GoT and put a bunch of sex in it. We never needed it before.
-But make the gayness more overt
-Keep it gay
25 notes · View notes
sacred-algae · 4 years
Text
Nights Like These
It's no secret that Todd is bad at feelings. Bad at expressing them, bad at handling them. Really bad at handling them. Because Dirk has a boyfriend. A boyfriend who isn't Todd. And it tears him apart. All he ever feels any more is hopelessness. And tonight was no different. Until it was. It was about to be VERY different.
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 2,851
       It was nights like these where Todd didn’t like to think. He wished he was incapable of thinking. Screw that, he wished he didn’t love him. 
       He’d never been in love before and oh how he wishes he wasn’t right now. 
       Because this sucked. It hurt like hell. 
       Having to see him every day. See his beautiful smile and perfect eyes and know that he didn’t love him back.
       Being in love with Dirk was one thing a month ago. 
       He always knew he liked him, well, not always, but when he realized he was in love with him… That was another story. 
       He felt like he was walking on air when he realized it. He realized how lucky he was to have him in his life and how happy he made him.
       He even started flirting with him, to no avail but he still did.
       And it felt right. One day he would get the courage to ask him out. 
        But before that day came… the worst day of his life came. 
       He got a boyfriend.
       A boyfriend that wasn’t Todd.
       And ever since then it’s been “Brett this, Brett that,” and he wanted to punch that bastard right in the nose!
       … But he made Dirk happy. And so Todd was happy if he was happy.
       Scratch that. Todd was very unhappy. 
       He wanted to die every time Brett kissed Dirk, he wanted to cry every time he saw them holding hands, he wanted to punch the wall when he heard the exchange of pet-names, he wanted to scream every time smiled at his phone after getting a text from him.
       He was miserable. He had gone from being depressed before Dirk to being the happiest in his life to being happier to being even more depressed and it was horrible.
        So yes, he thought about this every night. What made this night worse than the other nights, what made this night “nights like these”?
       It was date night. 
       The night of the week where he wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. 
       So he did. 
       And he sobbed.
        And to make matters worse, his episodes have always been more emotionally fueled so “date night” was always a reliable alarm clock for his body to betray him. 
       And to make matters even worse, it was their one month anniversary, and Dirk was all excited about their big date.
       So he had to buckle up for a long, sleepless, painful, night.
        And his first attack of the night was over.
       He sat on the bathroom floor, huddled in the corner between the sink cabinet and the wall, shaking violently as his post-attack nerves calmed down. Breathing heavily as tears streamed down his hot face, head whirring.
       And it was only 10:00.
        It was only 10:00 when he heard a knock on his door. 
        Stumbling, he stood up and wiped his eyes on his flannel sleeve as he approached the door.
       And he was ready to kill a bitch when he saw who was on the other side of the door, sobbing.
       “Oh my god, Dirk what happened? Are you ok?” 
       He flung himself into Todd’s arms. “He pulled a Warner, Todd,” he choked between tears.
       “He pulled a what?” Todd stood flabbergasted, not quite sure on whether or not he should return the hug, but then he did, Dirk needed him.
       “Like that musical, Pink Lawyer.”
       “Oh, you mean Legally Blonde? And that was a movie before it was a musical.”
       “But I like the musical better. I like the song 'Gay or European', it's like a song about me.”
       “Whatever you say, Dirk. What happened, what do you mean he pulled a Warner?” And then it hit him, “Oh my god, he didn’t!”
       “Mmhmm,” Dirk gave a sad, affirmative hum and nodded into Todd’s shoulder.
       “On your anniversary?! THAT DICK!”
       Dirk laughed slightly.
       “What-” Todd wasn’t good at this, in fact, he was very bad at this. “What do you need?”
       Dirk pulled back and looked at Todd confused. His eyes red, swollen, and glossy. He hated seeing him like this. He wanted to hold him until the end of time and make sure he was never upset again. The things he was going to say to Brett- but he needed to focus on Dirk right now.
       “I mean, you came to me for a reason, right? What do you need?”
       He stood silent for a moment, not really understanding the question. In all honesty, his brain couldn’t process much at the moment. “Right, why I’m here, um, yes! I-” he sighed, “I don’t know. Universe said I should come here.”
       Damn you universe,  Todd thought. 
       “Ok.” His mind shuffled around the possible answers to this. In the past he would have made some flirty joke like, “oh, the universe wanted you to be here, huh?” or something or other but he wasn’t past Todd. He was present Todd and he would be there for Dirk. And he doubted the universe actually wanted that to be honest. He would always just be friends with Dirk. Hopelessly and endlessly. “Come in then, want to talk?”
       “Maybe,” he sniffed as he walked in. “I don’t know. I just want to be here.” He paused for a moment. “Do you have any tea?”
       Todd smiled, “Always.” He walked over to the kitchenette and dug through the pantries as Dirk sat down. “What type?”
       Dirk beamed, “You have more than one type? You don’t even like tea.”
       Todd had started keeping tea around in case of situations like these. Not break-ups specifically, he hadn’t planned for those, but any situation where Dirk needed some comfort. And he didn’t know what Dirk preferred so he just bought a lot of different types.
       “Yeah, what type?”
       “I don’t know. Do you have lemon? Sour tea to fit my sour mood.” He sunk into the sofa. 
       “Don’t be like that, Dirk.” He heated up a mug of water in the microwave, receiving a wince from Dirk but he was just happy Todd was trying. “I’m assuming you want milk and sugar in it?”
       “Yes, please.” Todd chuckled. 
       He put the teabag in the mug and grabbed the milk carton, a spoon, and the sugar and clumsily carried it all back to the couch. 
       “Thank you, Todd.” He smiled through his pooling grey-blue eyes.
       They sat like that for a while. Staring at the wall. A million thoughts flooding through their heads.
       The main one in Todd’s head? He was going to fucking kill Brett. He should have fucking known, with a name like Brett. And his stupid books, and his stupid sweater vests, and his stupid perfect hair, and his stupid collection of snobby tea. Now that he thinks about it he was really perfect for Dirk, Dirk didn’t want some punk-reject. He wanted an elegant refined man, not a scrumpy hobbit asshole of a man. NO! Brett was a dick. An absolute dick and he hurt Dirk. No one hurts Dirk on Todd’s watch. Not unless they want to get killed. 
       It wasn’t like he couldn’t do it. He could blame it on a holistic situation next case. Yes, brilliant. He would find some way to drag him into it push him into the danger. It was perfect, foolproof, and oh my fucking god was he really plotting a murder right now? He needed to focus on Dirk. Who had just started crying again, oh god he was bad at this. 
       Todd looked over to him. He sat rigidly. The warm mug in his hands, somewhat of a grounding stim, his head tucked into his chest as his tears fell. 
       He cleared his throat and nervously spoke up. “Need to talk about it? Sometimes venting helps.”
       Dirk bit his lip and wordlessly nodded before turning to Todd.
       “It was a stupid reason, really,” he sniffled.
       “Any reason to break up with someone as amazing as you is stupid in my books.” Dirk smiled. Smiling was good.
       “No. There are plenty of good reasons. I’m annoying, I talk too much, I’m dangerous, I’m an idiotic fool-”
       “Stop with all the negative talk,” Todd said sternly.
       “But it really was a stupidly stupid reason. I… I was telling him the story of our cases-”
       “Ooo which one?”
       “The Coconut Caper.” He set the mug down on the coffee table with the rest of the stuff Todd had brought out.
       “That was a fun one,” They laughed for a moment reminiscing on it. The Coconut Caper was one of their more… well… heated cases. There was a lot of tension there on both their parts, but both of them only recognized his own feelings and was completely oblivious as to the other’s.
       “So I was telling him the story and out of nowhere, he got mad! He said… he said he was tired of hearing about you.”
       What?
       “That it’s always ‘Todd, this and Todd, that’ and he was sick of it. And- and,” he stuttered to get the words out. “And said he was sick of it, and that it was all I ever talked about and- and,” He fell into Todd’s shoulder, covering his face with his hands. Regretting what he was about to say before he even said it, but Todd asked so he would say it. He would play it off as if it wasn’t true. “He said he thought I was in love with you… and then he dumped me!”
       A question burned into the back of Todd’s mind. A question he knew he shouldn’t ask for fear of losing everything, and pushing Dirk farther than he needed tonight... But the question remained, it refused to leave. It wasn’t going to go away unless he asked. 
       So Todd made the rash decision to ask said question, a decision he knew as the sentence formed out of his mouth he would later regret as he already knew the answer but something told him he didn’t know the full truth. He needed the full truth. He needed all of it. 
       And so he asked the question.
       “Dirk, do you love me?” His voice shook like the after-shock in a house seated across the street from a quarry. His face burning hot, his own eyes filling with salty betrayal. 
       “Uh-buh-buh-buh,” He sat up abruptly, straightening himself out, his mouth flapped like a fish. “What an odd question, Todd.” Dirk sat back up with a very bad look of hiding the truth. Todd almost let the corners of his mouth upturn. He thought he knew the answer, and he thought it might be the one he wanted after all of this time. 
       “Dirk, answer the question.” His voice slowly losing its tough persona.
       “You see, it’s a very complex answer, that question, Todd.”
       “Answer the goddamn question!”
       “Ok fine. You want the truth? Here’s the truth! I’m in love with you... I always have been but I know you don’t love me and so that’s why I started dating Brett.” 
       “Dirk-” His voice even softer now, a pang in his chest, heartbreaking at the thought of Dirk not knowing and feeling the way he did, knowing Dirk felt all of the pain Todd did.
       “LET ME FINISH. I thought if I dated someone else I would forget about you and stop loving you but the truth is I can’t.” He started crying, again. “I can’t forget you. I can’t, Todd. I’m sorry-”
       “Dirk-” More insistent.
       “SHUT UP FOR ONE BLOODY FUCKING MINUTE AND LET ME FUCKING GET THIS OVER WITH BECAUSE THIS IS FUCKING HARD!” Woah. He shouted at the top of his lungs before returning to normal, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Half apologizing for freaking out and half apologizing for his feelings. “I am. I can’t help it, I can’t help that I love you but I do.”
       He sped up almost incoherently, vomiting out words, not caring if he was repeating himself or saying things that didn’t make sense. Let him choose his words and tone for this ok? Like he said, this was hard. “Just promise me, promise me you won’t leave because I don’t think I could take it because honestly you saved my life in so many ways not only physical and I couldn’t bear if you left so promise me you won't leave and I don’t care if you aren’t my best friend anymore just don’t drop off the face of the earth and promise me-”
       “Dirk-”
       “SHUT UP, TODD.”
       “I LOVE YOU!”
        Dirk jolted back, not quite sure if he heard Todd right. If his mind was playing tricks on him, if Todd was playing tricks on him.
       “Oh, now you’re just being cruel.” His voice accusatory.
       “No, I do!” His voice defensive.
       “You’re just saying that to shut me up. Because I’m annoying and stupid and-”
       “What did I say about saying that about yourself?” 
       “Not to.” He pouted, “But you don’t. I think I would have figured that out by now.”
       “I didn’t figure it out”
       “Yes, but you’re just saying that. How do I know you love me?”
       Todd smiled. The first time he smiled that night. 
        “Because I do. Because you changed me. You made me a better person. And my life was boring before I knew you. And it sucked. And I know that doesn’t mean much but this does. And I wish you could see yourself like I do. The amazing, kind, wonderfully-crazy, funny and, not going to lie, sexy man you are.” Dirk chuckled and hid his face. “I want you to know that you make my life better. You give me a meaning and purpose I didn’t have before. You make me happy, Dirk. You make me so happy. And I hope that’s enough for you to know that I do love you and I’m not just ‘saying it’.”
        “I’m sorry, Todd.” He looked up, holding back more tears. This was a night very much filled with tears.
       Todd shook his head confused, “For what?”
       “For yelling, and assuming you were lying.”
       “Nah, I get it. I’m an asshole. I wouldn’t believe me either.”
       “Ok, if I’m not allowed to say I’m stupid and annoying you  definitely  aren’t allowed to call yourself an asshole. We both know how I feel about you calling yourself that.”
       “Ok, how about dickhead?” He laughed and Dirk playfully shoved him. 
       “That might be worse.”
       All of the anxiety was slowly wearing off, and it left them in a quiet moment. 
       A very quiet moment.
       Too quiet.
       They stared at each other, smiling. Heat rising to their faces, ok maybe they were just too angry and sad to notice it earlier but they were both made suddenly aware of their red faces. 
       “God, this is awkward,” Dirk mumbled as he twiddled with his thumbs. 
       “Yep,” Todd replied.
       Silent again. 
       How did they manage that?
       And then Dirk realized something. 
       Something big.
       His eyes widened and Todd immediately recognized the expression. Dirk had figured something out. Something holistic.
       And before Todd had any time to respond. Any time to process…
        Dirk’s mouth was on his.
        He leapt forward, not thinking, much like he did with everything in his life. He never thought. Ever. It was quite relaxing actually. 
       Unaware of his brute force, that combined with Todd’s shock had sent them spiraling backwards into the couch. Todd’s eyes wide.
       And all he could think, well, no, he couldn’t think. All he could  feel  was, “Oh my god this is actually happening! Is this happening? It better be fucking happening, and holy shit his lips are soft- ” Soft despite the fact that the kiss was awkwardly aggressive and very quick. It all happened in about a second. One second before Dirk realized what he had done.
       He pulled back extremely suddenly, but still hovering over Todd as the couch swallowed him whole, cheeks fire-engine red, spilling out his words in a perfectly Dirk-y way. 
       “Oh-my-god-I’m-so-sorry-I-didn't-ask-first-and-I-didn't-think-and-I-just-did-and-did-I-just-mess-up-did-I-misjudge-the-situation-I’m-so-stupid-and-oh-no-am-I-squishing-you?!”
       And Todd just smiled and grabbed the sides of his jacket, pulling his face back down to his, and he kissed him. This time properly. 
       And Dirk melted at the touch. This was nothing like kissing Brett, this felt right, safe, home. Like the entire universe had been preparing for this moment. 
       It started soft and slow, meant to show Dirk how much he meant everything he said, how much he loved him. And then he started to realize that it was finally happening, and he hungered for more, and Dirk obliged, sending their kiss deeper and deeper. Fully enveloping themselves in each other, in this perfect kiss, this perfect moment. This moment where everything was as it was supposed to be for once. 
       All they could think of was each other and how for the love of God had they not done this sooner.
       Breathless, Todd pulled back and moved his arms around Dirk’s neck, and looked fondly into his eyes.
       “I-I think… I think I know why the universe wanted me to come here.” Dirk breathed with a wide smile brandishing his swollen, pink lips.
       Todd laughed, “You think?”
30 notes · View notes
freddiesaysalright · 4 years
Text
The Most Dramatic Season Ever - Week 7 - Fantasy Suites
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Summary: It’s your time now! You are ABC’s new Bachelorette and this is your journey! All these men (including our fav BoRhap boys and then some) are competing for your heart! Will you find love? Will you get engaged at the end? Or will you end up heartbroken? Find out, on the most dramatic season ever!
Word Count: 7k (i’m finally chilling tf out)
Tag List:  @psychosupernatural​, @someone-get-a-medic​, @bensrhapsody​, @deakyclicks​, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession​, @minigranger​, @crazyweirdocalledfriday​, @the-moving-finger-writes​, @assembledherethevolunteers​, @rose-writes-prose​, @queenlover05​, @moon-stars-soul​, @danadeacon​, @deacyblues​, @thesundrop​, @cupidben​, @lostlittlenerd​, @delilahmay39​, @timmvrphy​, @queenmylovely​, @loveandbeloved29​, @free-pool-trash​, @fairestkillerqueenofall​, @local-troubled-writer​, @babyalienfairy​, @littlecarowrites​, @allthethingsicant​, @im-an-adult-ish​, @mirkwoodshewolf​, @squishy-gay-astronaut​, @sherlollydramoine​, @butlegendsneverdie​, @dogmom2014​, @rocketrhap917​, @26-7-49​, @lelifesaver​, @frozenhuntress67​, @drowsebaby​ If you’d like to be added, let me know!
A/N: I’m sorry this took so long and that it’s a little shorter. Writing has been hard as I’ve been really depressed this week. We moved my grandfather to a hospice house and dancing (the only thing that keeps me sane) has been cancelled. Anyway, I hope y’all are all staying healthy and safe :)
Warning(s): OKAY I thought about doing some smut in this chapter, but then decided against it. I don’t think it fits the format, since so far it’s been like watching the show. That being said, I got as steamy as I felt was cool. So, it’s steamy but it’s not like completely NSFW. I hope y’all enjoy :)
Night 1  Week 1  Week 2  Week 3  Week 4  Week 5  Week 6
Week 7 here we go!!!
The flight to New Zealand was long and tiring. It took almost an entire twenty four hours of travel. You tried to get some rest, but it was tough, since your heart was still breaking for Rami. It did not ease your pain to remind yourself that it was the right choice. It was the toughest breakup so far. And you were anxious because it only got harder. Especially because you were in love with the three remaining men.
This of course, made your decision even more difficult. You needed these overnight dates to determine who was further along and who was ready for a proposal. But the overnight aspect did have you a bit nervous.
Sex didn’t frighten you. But it usually deepened your feelings, so you needed to know how they felt before going to bed with them. And whether or not they were truly ready to commit themselves to you.
After a day to recover, you had your first date. It was with Joe, which of course, excited you. Joe’s hometown had been wonderful, but you needed to know if he loved you. If he was in this as deep as you were.
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Joe: I think I’m more nervous this week than I’ve ever been before. Knowing that Y/N and I could have the night together and take our relationship to the next level is really important to me. I also know that I’m in love with her and I need to tell her. My biggest frustration is that I know she can’t say it back. But I need some sort of validation because I’m starting to lose my mind a little bit. I didn’t think this whole journey was gonna be this hard…
You were meeting Joe in Hobbiton, where Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit movies were filmed. You were stoked when you got to the bar in Ireland based on The Shire, but now you were getting as close to the real thing as possible. It was an odd combination of nerves and thrill for you. You hoped you got to where you needed to be with Joe because you weren’t ready to say goodbye.
You beamed at him as he approached, your heart easing at his familiar form. He started to jog over when he saw you. When he reached you, he scooped you up in his arms as you laughed together. He set you down so he could kiss you.
“Hey,” he said quietly when your lips parted.
“Hey,” you returned sweetly. “Are you ready for today?”
“I’m stoked,” he assured you.
“Well, we’re touring Hobbiton,” you said with a smile. “So I think it’s gonna be great!”
You took his hand and led him up the path to Bag End. There, you met a guide, who began to walk you through the entire set. It was so cool to see everything in person and to witness the work that went into making such a huge, legendary film. The sun was shining and you felt it made the grass around you almost glow green. It was the loveliest day. After the tour, you sat together at The Green Dragon Inn, each with a drink. You toasted to your journey and took a sip.
“So, how are you feeling after last week?” Joe asked. “I know this is getting harder for you as the feelings get deeper.”
That was what you loved about Joe. He understood you, and never made you feel bad that this was the situation you were in.
“I’m okay,” you told him. “Obviously, last week was difficult, saying goodbye to Rami, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I’m optimistic about what this week will bring. Hopefully, it’s clarity.”
“I hope that for you as well,” he said. “I’m glad to hear you’re staying positive. Getting too caught up in the heartbreak...it’ll just bring you down. And I really want you to be happy.”
“That’s what I want too,” you said. “That’s the reason I’m here, y’know?”
“It’s the reason we’re all here,” he replied.
You each sipped your drinks some more and chatted about the experience. The day slipped by all too quickly. Before you knew it, it was time to part ways and get ready for the evening portion of the date. You carefully selected your dress. It was going to be a big night after all.
You met at the hotel where you were staying, and had a patio table all to yourselves. The lighting was low, just candles and soft, yellow bulbs. Drinks and dinner were set out and waiting for you. Joe pulled your chair out and let you sit, before taking the chair next to you.
“So,” you said. “Here’s to a wonderful day, and an even more wonderful evening.”
“Cheers, baby,” he replied.
You clinked glasses. When you set them down, you looked at him.
“So, I know this is a weird date,” you said. “There’s no rose to hand out, but there is something at the end, and I -”
“Y/N, I’m gonna stop you right there,” he said. “I know that it’s the fantasy suite, and I just want to tell you there’s no pressure. I’m really happy with where we are.”
You smiled. “I am too.”
He took a deep breath. “Honestly, there was only one thing I regretted about last week in New York.”
“Oh?” you wondered, brow furrowing. “What’s that?”
“I should have been honest with you,” he said. “The truth is, Y/N, I’m in love with you. Spending this day together only solidified that for me. I love you. With my whole heart.”
A smile spread slowly across your face as he spoke.
“Joe, I…” you trailed off, stopping yourself before saying what was on your heart. But only because you couldn’t say it. If you were not the Bachelorette, you would have told him that you loved him too.
“Thank you for telling me,” you said. “It means so much.”
“I just want to keep you informed with where my heart is,” he said. 
You beamed at him and leaned over to kiss him. Even kissing him felt better with his feelings out in the open. When you parted, you were still smiling.
“So,” you said, reaching over to the table and retrieving an envelope there. “We have this little offer here, and I’d like you to read it.”
You handed him the envelope. He opened it up and read over the words once before reading it aloud with a little grin on his face.
“Y/N and Joe,” he began. “Welcome to New Zealand. I hope you’ve enjoyed the lush world of Hobbiton today. Should you choose to forgo your individual rooms, please use this key to stay as a couple in the fantasy suite. Chris Harrison.”
“What do you think?” you asked with a smirk.
“I’d love to spend the night with you,” he said, but you detected some hesitation there.
“But?”
“No buts,” he replied with a small laugh. “I just want you to know that I meant what I said before. There’s no pressure. We don’t have to do anything-”
You cut him off with a deep kiss.
“Joe,” you said. “I’m attracted to you. You make me feel so loved and desired. So, let’s go up to the fantasy suite and explore that more.”
He smiled. “Whatever you want, Y/N. I love you.”
You grinned wider at him. Then, taking his hand, you led him away and up to the main part of the hotel. Your suite was on the top floor so you took the elevator. For the whole ride, your heart was pounding. Your skin felt hotter each time he squeezed your hand. You were tempted to begin things right at that moment, but you had to wait until you were off camera.
After two agonizing minutes, the elevator dinged and opened its doors. You and Joe were both clearly holding back from running to the room. When you made it to the suite, he opened the door, and you saw the whole romantic set up. There were candles everywhere. A bottle of champagne sat on ice in the kitchen, with two glasses on the counter. Rose petals made a path from the front door to the bedroom door.
“This is beautiful,” you said, looking around.
“It really is,” he agreed. “But honestly, I wanna kiss you so bad, I can’t focus on it.”
“Well then,” you said. “Come here and kiss me.”
He made it to you in two strides, his lips claiming yours in the most heated kiss of your life. Your stomach lurched with fresh desire as he nipped at your bottom lip. You moaned into his mouth. He lifted you off your feet when you coiled your arms around his neck. Then he carried you into the bedroom, kicking the door shut. Finally, the cameras and producers were gone and it was just the two of you.
You were still kissing Joe when he set you back on your feet. You had become frantic with need for him. He chuckled into your kisses.
“Y/N,” he said, taking hold of your shoulders. “Y/N, slow down.”
You bit back a whine as he gently pushed you away.
“We’ve got all night,” he said. “We don’t have to rush.”
“The sooner we do it,” you returned. “The sooner we can do it again.”
He threw his head back and laughed. You smiled.
“Okay, we can go as many times as you like, but for our first time together, I really…” he trailed off. “I really wanna make love to you.”
“I’d love that,” you told him with a smile.
Your heart melted at his sentiment, but you had not lost any of the desire. You turned your back to him and moved your hair aside so he could unzip your dress. You heard him step toward you. Then his hands were on the zipper, the top of which was right at the nape of your neck. You gasped at the contact as your body begged for more.
Inch by inch, he lowered the zipper. You shivered when the air hit your back before Joe leaned down and kissed the newly exposed skin. You bit your lip.
He turned off your mic pack, which was at your lower back, and removed it, tossing it away. The straps of your dress fell from your shoulders. You faced him again. The fabric fell away from your body, revealing your bare chest to him. You hadn’t worn a bra. Joe sucked in a sharp breath as his eyes flickered down to your breasts before returning to your face.
“Like what you see?” you teased.
“Love it,” he said, pulling you into his arms again. “I love you.”
You giggled. “You can’t stop saying it.”
“No, nor will I,” he returned firmly.
You smiled again.
The way Joe made love to you was like nothing you had ever experienced before. It was slow, deliberate, and deep. He reached your very soul. He showed you the strength of his love with every kiss, every thrust, and every soft whisper of your name. Love was not just a word to Joe. It was something that required action. And you saw after that night that he was steadfast and strong. There was no doubt that he truly loved you. He showed you four times.
When you woke beside him the next morning, tucked safely in his arms, you smiled and hummed contentedly. You snuggled down closer. It almost made you wince, since your body was sore. It was the sweetest soreness you had ever felt. Joe shifted, eyes fluttering open. His smile was the only one that could match your own.
“Hey,” you whispered.
“Morning, beautiful,” he replied, voice low with the morning.
“How’d you sleep?” you asked.
“Wonderfully,” he said. “You?”
“The best sleep I’ve had in months,” you answered with a giggle.
“Good, then I did my job,” he joked.
You laughed again as he rolled half on top of you. He lowered his lips to yours. It was a soft and delicate kiss, since neither of you wanted to heat things up again without proper time. When he pulled back, he looked into your eyes.
“I think I could do this forever,” he said.
“What?” you asked.
“Wake up to you,” he said.
“Me too,” you returned. 
You cupped his cheek in your hand. The urge to tell him your feelings arose again. But you didn’t want to confuse him or hurt him. On the other hand, you felt it so strongly. He deserved some validation, didn’t he?
“Joe, I love you,” you said, so quietly you wondered if you had even said it aloud. But the look on his face told you that you did.
His eyes widened at first. Then, his brow furrowed. He was wondering if he’d heard you right. Then, all that melted away into the biggest grin you’d ever seen on his lips.
“Y/N, I can’t tell you what it means to hear you say that,” he said. “I love you.”
“I love you,” you returned.
It felt so right like this. But then, reality set in. Joe had to return to his hotel. You had two other dates this week. Two other men, who you also adored. As you got up and dressed, you tried not to despair.
You held it together well enough until it was time for Joe to go. He had his backpack slung over his shoulder and he was standing by the door. You slid your arms around him and buried your face in his chest.
“I don’t want you to go,” you said, voice shaking.
He kissed the top of your head. “I wish I didn’t have to, baby.”
You held each other for a long moment as a lump formed in your throat. You sniffled, but tried to hide it, burrowing further into him. He still noticed.
“Hey…” he said gently, pulling away to look at your face. “Hey, don’t cry, honey, I’ll see you soon.”
He wiped a stray tear with his thumb. Then, he pressed his lips to your forehead. Slowly, he detached himself from you. He had to, or you would have held him there all day.
“See you later,” he said. “Love you.”
“Love you too,” you choked out.
He gave your hand one last squeeze before releasing it and walking through the door. You closed it behind him. You leaned back against it and sank down to the floor, pulling your knees into your chest. Your heart was aching, and you just hoped you hadn’t made a mistake by confessing to Joe.
You had to travel later that day, since your next date was hours away, on the coast. Missing Joe terribly, you made your way to Papamoa Beach, where you would have a date with Ben the following day. The thought of seeing Ben raised your spirits.
The morning of your date, you were feeling much better. You had so much to look forward to with Ben. He was fun and cheerful and had the sweetest heart. And this date was going to be really cool.
You met him on the beach, wearing just a pair of shorts over your bathing suit. Ben came out onto the sand, looking straight out of a magazine in his tank top and swim trunks. You waved to him and he jogged over to you, planting an enthusiastic kiss on your lips when he reached you. You beamed at him as you parted.
“So, what have you got in store for today?” he asked.
“Something super fun,” you told him. “Since you’re so active, I know you’ll love it.”
“Now, I’m very curious,” he said, raising his eyebrows.
“Come with me,” you said, taking his hand.
Together, you walked down the beach, where a tall, broad man with long dark hair was waiting for you. He was extremely tan, so you figured he spent most of his days out here.
“Hello, Y/N and Ben,” he said with a thick New Zealand accent. “I’m AJ and I’m your surfing instructor for today. Have either of you ever surfed before?”
“I have,” Ben said. 
“I have not,” you admitted.
“Alright, that’s perfectly fine,” AJ said. “We teach all ages and skill levels. We’ve got some suits and boards waiting for you in there.”
He pointed to the building of the surf school. You and Ben went in and got changed. When you came back out, Ben looked you up and down before biting his lip. You stifled a giggle.
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Ben: I’m having such a wonderful time on this date. Y/N looks amazing in that bodysuit, so I am so grateful tonight’s the fantasy suite because it’s getting harder and harder to keep my hands off her. Obviously, it’s all up to her, I’m thrilled just to hold her, but I am ready for more. To take our relationship further and grow more together.
You were each given a board and then you followed AJ. He gave you some instruction on the sand - and some important safety information - but before you knew it, you were in the water, paddling out to beyond where the waves were starting. AJ went over a few more basics, and helped you find your balance on the board.
Ben tried to ride a wave first, since he had done it before. He looked so good out there. He smiled, tongue poking out between his teeth, and he glided through the water on the crest of the wave. You wondered how many times he had done this because he didn’t seem nervous. He had clearly mastered the art.
You had no such luck. Even keeping in mind everything AJ told you, your timing was off when you tried to stand up, and the wave knocked you clear off the board. The ocean tossed you around a minute as the wave moved past you. Then you kicked up toward the surface. You sucked in air and wiped your eyes as you broke it.
You were already laughing along with Ben and AJ. You knew it looked hilarious. Ben’s smile was infectious as you climbed back on the board and paddled back to where he waited for you.
“It was a great try, love,” he said through his laughter.
“You’re just being nice, it was terrible,” you returned.
“Not to worry,” AJ assured you. “There’s still lots of ocean for you to try.”
You made several more attempts. Ben did as well, nailing it over and over again. You, on the other hand, were missing the mark. It got to the point where you were actually getting frustrated.
“Come on, love,” Ben said at last. “Don’t pout. You can do it.”
“Ugh,” you groaned, to his amusement.
“Try one more time,” he encouraged. 
You met his eyes, and at the look on his face, your resentment ebbed away. He wasn’t being condescending or spouting empty words of praise. He really believed in you.
With a determined smirk, you got back on the board. You waited a minute or two before you saw it coming - the perfect wave. Eagerly, you began to paddle forward. You were going to get it this time. You had to.
You rode it until just before it crested. You popped up onto your feet. You didn’t fall! You were riding the wave! Adrenaline surged through you as you surfed - properly surfed! Your legs were wobbly, but you didn’t fall until the wave crashed, and you went down. But this time, you went down having accomplished the goal. When your head broke the surface again, Ben was already beside you, pulling you out of the water and onto his board.
“That was amazing, love!” he cheered.
“I did it!” you cried.
“You did it!” he affirmed.
He sat you down beside him and kissed you. Your mouths were wet and salty from being in the ocean all day, but you didn’t care. You had triumphed because he supported you. His hands found their way to the sides of your face as he deepened the kiss.
“Incredible,” he said.
You chuckled. “You were incredible. I didn’t manage to actually do it until the end.”
“Well, I’m bloody proud of you,” he said.
“Thank you,” you said, beaming.
After the lesson, you returned to shore to have a small picnic. It was just cheese and crackers with some wine. The suits and boards, you returned to AJ. Then you both sat on the blanket, realizing you were starving, and went in on the food.
“So, where’d you learn to surf?” you wondered.
“In California,” he said. “We had a series of matches out there, and in my down time, I picked it up. Then I got my whole team doing it.”
“Well, it was super sexy,” you told him.
“You’re way sexier,” he argued. “Your body in that suit was...incredible.”
You flushed at his words and under his gaze. 
You chatted a little longer on the beach. Then it was time to prepare for the evening portion of the date. You were excited to be in a dress and makeup after Ben had watched you wipe out all day. Not that you minded being goofy around him, but tonight was big. You wanted to be beautiful and sexy.
You walked with him to a beach side bar that was reserved for you. The candlelight was soft and warm, and made you feel cozy despite the breeze. Ben pulled your chair out for you. You sat down together.
“Thanks for being so supportive today,” you said. “I was being such a baby.”
“No, you weren’t,” he assured you. “It’s natural to get frustrated at stuff like that.” 
“You were still so amazing to me,” you said. “I appreciate you so much.”
“Of course,” he said. “I love you.”
You were convinced you’d never grow tired of hearing those words from his mouth. Once again, you were struck with the desire to say it back. But you refrained. You were already feeling guilty for telling Joe, and you didn’t want to do the same thing with Ben. You smiled. 
“I feel like your hometown date went so well,” you said. “This is going in a direction that makes me excited. I feel so sure of you, Ben. I know it made me nervous when you told me that you’ve never been in love before, but I’m not now.”
“No?” he wondered.
You shook your head. “I can feel what you feel for me. And you show me every time we’re together.”
You took his hand and stared into his eyes. You felt the words coming up in your throat. Only, you couldn’t stop them. You felt them too powerfully.
“I love you too, Ben,” you said.
Inwardly, you kicked yourself. How did these guys make your resolve so weak? Not that you minded too much, but you felt like you were messing up. Like it wasn’t decent behavior for the Bachelorette.
Ben’s smile made your regret fade. It didn’t disappear entirely, but you felt better that you’d said it.
“I love you more,” he said.
“Oh, don’t start,” you joked.
You laughed together. When it died down, you squeezed his hand.
“We’ve come a long way,” you said. “This journey hasn’t always been easy, but I want to keep going with you.”
“I do too,” he said.
“So, there’s an envelope on the table,” you said. “Why don’t you open it and read what’s inside?”
He smiled - making your heart jump - and then reached over to pick it up. You waited with bated breath as he cracked open the seal and pulled out the card.
“Y/N and Ben,” he read. “Welcome to beautiful Papamoa Beach. I hope you enjoyed learning something new together. Should you choose to forgo your individual rooms, please use this key to stay as a couple in the fantasy suite. Chris Harrison.”
“What do you say?” you wondered.
“I say absolutely,” he told you. “How could I not want more time with you?”
You giggled.
Just down the beach from the bar, production had put together a glamorous hut. It sat a good ways from the shoreline for when high tide came in, but you could still see the ocean from the doorway. Inside, there was a gorgeous queen bed. Candles and twinkle lights illuminated the one room structure with a soft, warm glow. Rose petals dotted the white comforter. Champagne was already iced down and waiting for you on the side table.
“Is this glamping?” Ben teased.
“This is definitely glamping,” you replied with a smirk.
“There’s nobody I’d rather glamp with,” he said.
“Same,” you returned.
With that, he closed the door to the cameras. You turned off your mic packs first thing. A beat passed as you looked at each other. Then you collided. It was all frantic tongue and teeth at first, desperate as you were to be close. You felt Ben’s hands at the back of your dress. He tugged the zipper down and it fell away from your body. You shoved his blazer off his shoulders and then quickly got to work on the buttons of his shirt.
“Fuck, Y/N,” he breathed onto your neck as he kissed you. “You’re so beautiful. I love you so much.”
“I love you, Ben,” you sighed back.
You kissed his chest when you opened his shirt up. He wrapped his arms around you and held you close. It forced you to pause. You stood there together, you just in your thong and he was shirtless. Your chests pressed together made you feel his heartbeat. It matched your own. Hot desire coursed through you. You wanted more, but he held you firmly.
“Just a minute,” he said. “Gotta breathe.”
You rested your head on his chest. You realized that you needed to breathe too. So, you caught your breath together. As you slowly inhaled and exhaled, you felt yourself uniting with Ben. Your hearts beat together. Your lungs worked together. Your bodies could have melted into each other. It was a moment of true tenderness, where your heart met his.
As your breathing evened out, both your hands began to roam. Fingers brushed deftly over sweltering skin. It sent a shiver up your spine to feel the feather lightness of his touch.
“How do you want this?” he asked.
You held his gaze. His pupils were blown wide with lust, but they were still that charming shade of green. You smiled. His eagerness to please you was not something you were used to. No man had ever asked for explicit instructions. 
“I want you in every way I can have you,” you told him. 
“Maybe I should clarify,” he chuckled. “How do you want me first? Tell me what will make you feel best.”
You blushed. “Really?”
He shrugged and rubbed your back. “What can I say? I’m an athlete, I like to be coached.”
“Well then,” you replied. “You can start by kissing me again.”
“I’ll kiss you forever.”
He claimed your lips once more, passionately. As your desire grew, you found it easier to tell him what you wanted. Ben was an attentive and giving lover. He seemed to thrive on your instructions and requests. It showed you the kind of man he was. He would do anything in the world for you. Your happiness was his happiness. Your pleasure was his pleasure. Your love was his love.
You and Ben only made love twice because he spent so much time exploring each other. He was so intent on making you feel amazing - something he accomplished over and over again. You’d never had so many orgasms in one night. And each one made you see stars. Your love for Ben ripened into deep passion. 
The next morning, Ben was awake before you. He rolled over and saw the morning light catch your hair, and he felt a pang of sadness. As much as he was enjoying this, his time with you was almost over. You had another date, and unfortunately could not spend the whole day together. Still, he watched you sleep a moment longer. 
When he couldn’t stand it anymore, he placed a soft kiss to your cheek. Even asleep, you smiled. You stirred and stretched slowly. Finally, your eyes opened and you took in Ben’s familiar form.
“Morning,” you yawned.
“Morning, love,” he replied. “Sorry if I woke you.”
“You can always wake me with kisses, hun,” you assured him.
He smiled half heartedly and looked away. You rolled onto your stomach and propped yourself up onto your elbows.
“What’s wrong?” you asked.
“I’m just…” he sighed. “I’ll be very sorry to leave you today. I hate this.”
You cut your eyes away from him so he wouldn’t see you tearing up. 
“I hate this too.”
He gathered you up in his arms, laying you on his chest.
“I know I’ll see you again soon,” he said. “But I also know there are still two other men in this. I just...I don’t know if...I don’t want to make you feel guilty.”
“I’m sorry,” you said. “I can’t promise anything right now. I don’t even know what decisions I’ll make at this point. And it’s so unfair to you because I know what all of y’all need right now is some validation, and I just...I’m not able to do it, and I’m so, so sorry.”
“Shh, don’t apologize,” he soothed you, kissing the top of your head. “S’alright. It’s just getting more difficult for me, and I want you to know where my head’s at.”
“I get that,” you said. “I appreciate you being so honest with me, Ben. Really. I wish there was something I could do to make it better, but even though I can’t, I want to know what you’re thinking. And how you’re feeling.”
“I’ll do my best to be open,” he said. “But I want you to do the same for me. As much as you can. The last thing I want is to be blindsided.”
“I understand,” you said. “I will tell you my feelings as soon as I can. I never want to hurt you.”
“Thanks, love,” he said.
You had some breakfast before he had to leave. It was another gut-wrenching goodbye. Things were more serious with Ben than you had anticipated. And now you had told two men that you loved them. It hit you suddenly that you were going to break someone’s heart. And you still had one more date left in the week.
You felt heavy going into your date with Gwilym. Once again, you had to travel a bit to get to where you were meeting him. As excited as you were to see him, you were also terrified. You knew how you felt about Gwilym, and it was strong. You knew he felt similarly, though he hadn’t said outright that he loved you. You needed to clarify everything.
You met Gwilym just outside your destination. He smiled widely at you, and you rushed forward to jump into his arms. He caught you as you wrapped your legs around his waist and kissed him deeply.
“Well,” he chuckled as your lips parted. “I missed you too.”
“I hope you’re ready for today,” you replied.
He set you down, but kept a hold of your hand. 
“What are we getting up to?” he asked.
“We are at Polynesian Spa,” you explained. “We are going to get treated today and relax after all these crazy weeks. That sound good?”
“That sounds perfect,” he said.
You went inside together. You and Gwil got the full treatment. You started with facials, before moving on to a massage. Your body was physically relaxed, but your mind was sort of going wild. Luckily, the nature of this day helped you to forget about the stress of your situation. During your massage, you cleared your mind and let yourself live in this moment with Gwilym.
After your massage, you went out to a private pool that overlooked Lake Rotorua. The water was warm and soothing. You felt especially relaxed now after being pampered, and you just wanted to enjoy this time with Gwilym.
“I’m so glad we get to chill,” you said, moving closer and leaning into him. You rested your head on his shoulder.
“I am too,” he replied. “Has your week been difficult?”
“A bit,” you said. “I’m feeling the pressure of things even more now than I was before, and I know that feelings are going to get hurt and I just….this is getting hard.”
“I’m sorry, cariad,” he said gently, kissing your head. “We’re coming to the end. Your feelings are real. Of course it’s hard.”
“How are you feeling?” you wondered.
“I’m feeling really good about us,” he told you. “I feel like last week went well. My family adored you. Which affirmed my feelings a lot.”
“I liked your family a lot too,” you said. “Your mom mentioned how hard you took your fiance’s death and it showed me how much they care about you. I admire that.”
“Yes, I relied quite heavily on my family during that time,” he said. “I even stopped going to read to the children for a while. I was just...not at all myself.”
“It’s almost hard for me to imagine,” you said. “I feel like you’re such a wonderful person and you’re mostly positive.”
“Grief is a great complexity,” he said. “I still don’t understand a lot of what I went through. But I know that every step of my life has led me to you. And for that, I’m most grateful.”
You smiled and straightened up to look at him. Then you coiled your arms around his neck, splashing the water a little bit, and pulled him in for a kiss. 
“I’m so grateful I met you too,” you replied when you parted. “I thank God every day for it.”
He kissed you again. You stayed there, making out with him, for what felt like hours. You didn’t feel the sun or the water. Just Gwilym’s mouth on yours. You swore you steamed up the pool with the heat of the kisses. It made you grateful that tonight was the fantasy suite. You were so attracted to him, and you wanted to explore the physical connection some more.
As the sun began to set over the water, it was time to get ready for the evening portion of the date.
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Gwilym: I’m excited about tonight. Y/N and I have a wonderful connection. We’ve been strong since the beginning. Truly, I could see us at the end of all this. I’m still falling steadily in love with her, and I want to explore our relationship further. I want to keep working on our relationship forever, hopefully.
You met up with Gwilym at a bar that had been reserved for the two of you. As relaxed as you’d felt earlier, your body was now tense. You needed to have a serious talk with Gwilym about the relationship and find out where he stood.
You sat down together at a little table. He pulled your chair out for you, and you thanked him. Then, he took up his drink as he sat beside you.
“To a wonderful day,” he said. “And the most incredible woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.”
“Cheers,” you giggled.
You clinked glasses and you each took a sip.
“So,” you said, setting your wine down. “I feel like we need to talk about where we are and how exactly we’re feeling.”
“I’m alright with that,” he said. “Would you like to start?”
“Sure,” you said. “Gwilym, I’m definitely falling in love with you. You have stood out to me since night one, and I think we’ve had a really solid relationship. I appreciate your honesty, how dedicated you are to this, and your vulnerability. I know I can see a future with you.”
He smiled as you spoke. 
“That’s lovely to hear,” he said. “I feel the same. We’re going strong. You’ve been as fair and honest in this whole process as you could, and I appreciate it. You make it so easy to be vulnerable with you because you are also so open. We’ve both really let our walls down. I fall more in love with you every day.”
You deflated a little. “So, that’s how you’re feeling. You’re falling in love with me?”
“Yes,” he told you. “That’s where my heart is.”
Your heart sank. So, he was falling behind. He noticed your expression shift.
“What’s the matter?” he asked.
You sighed. “I feel like….we need to be further along than this.”
“How do you mean?” he pressed.
“You were falling in love with me back in London,” you said. “If you’re in the same place, then it means we’re not progressing.”
He took a sip of his drink, swallowing slowly as he returned it to the table.
“Where do you think we should be?” he wondered.
“I don’t know if we need to be at a certain place,” you said. “But we should be further along than we were a couple weeks ago. We need to be going forward.”
“Just because I’m still falling doesn’t mean we haven’t made progress,” he argued. “I need time to know you more. For me, falling in love….it’s a long way down before I can get there.”
“I understand that,” you said. “But I still feel like we’ve just...plateaued since our one on one. And if we’re going to get engaged soon, then I need to feel like we’re climbing.”
He didn’t answer. His eyes remained fixed on the table. Your heart was beginning to beat wildly against your rib cage. 
“Gwil, please, I -”
“Y/N, I can’t tell you that I’m in love with you while you’re still involved with two other men,” he said, cutting across you. “I want to be the one at the end of this who gets down on one knee, but I cannot fully give my heart to you until you can give yours to me.”
For a moment, it felt like all the air was sucked out of your body. It was such a confusing thing to hear. Did that mean that he was in love with you and he just wasn’t saying it? That felt like a betrayal, especially when he’d always promised to be honest with you.
“So…” you began, deciding to ask the blunt question. “Are you in love with me? It’s your pride that won’t let you say it because there are still two other guys here?”
He sighed. “That’s not it. I don’t think I can get there unless we’re getting there together. I’m not in love with you yet.”
“Gwilym, that doesn’t make any sense!” you cried. “You knew what this process was when you signed up for it. Don’t you think you need to be in love before you get engaged?”
“Yes, of course, that’s the idea,” he returned. “But, because this is a unique journey, I knew that I’d need to be actually proposing before I could feel like we can really love each other. I don’t have that confidence while the others are still here.”
“None of you can be absolutely confident,” you said. “I’m not even confident of what decision I’ll make right now. But you have to take a chance. I know my heart is being pulled in different directions right now, but if I don’t have confidence that you’re where I need you to be in order for me to accept a proposal from you...then I don’t know what we’re going to do, Gwil. Because I need to be in love before I can say yes to someone.”
“Joe and Ben...have they told you they’re in love with you?” he asked.
“You know I can’t tell you that,” you replied.
“Right, sorry,” he said. “But I am getting the impression that it’s not that we haven’t made progress, it’s that I haven’t made the same progress as they have.”
“This isn’t about them,” you said. “This is about me and you. Our relationship is not about what’s going on with the other relationships.”
“But you must compare them,” he said. “How else do you make a decision?”
“I make my decision based on what happens between each person,” you said. “Yeah, some comparison happens, but I evaluate everything individually.” 
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t mean to call you into question. You’ve been an excellent Bachelorette, but that’s just the thing. You’re the Bachelorette. If your heart really is being pulled in other directions, then can’t you understand why I struggle to feel confident?”
“I do,” you said. “And I’ve been in your shoes, remember? I’ve been on the other side of this. But I wasn’t afraid. I let myself take the chance and fall in love.”
A beat passed. He once again, did not answer. You took his hand.
“I’m doing the same thing now,” you said. “I love you, Gwilym.”
He stiffened and squeezed his fingers around yours.
“I…” he trailed off. “I’m sorry. I just can’t get there like this.”
You took a shaky breath, choking back tears. “So, what’s going to happen with us? Where are we going to go from here?”
“I dunno, Y/N,” he said. “I just don’t know.”
To be continued...
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Hello everyone! So, if you’re because you enjoyed my last fic, I sincerely apologize because this one is way worse. Despite being triple the size of my first fic, it’s more horrible. But I promised I would post soon so I’m just going to go with it. I hope you like it! (Warning: very slight nsfw. Also I’m sorry because this is full of fluff, sap, and some angst. But it’s very sappy. You might cringe, I apologize. Also, just a note, I know it seems really lazy that I didn’t write the actual Hell dream. I’m sorry, but I’ve tried writing Hell dreams before and they always sound very cheesy/different from the Hell dream in Book of Mormon. I hope you can look past that. Enjoy!)
Sneaky 
Kevin turned around from the shopping list he was making when he heard the door open.
“Oh, hey Arnold! So, how was your time with Nabulungi?”
“Man, Nickelodeon and I had a great time! First we hung out, then I explained the plot of The Hobbit to her, and then she showed me how to text on her device! It was awesome! But I missed you, best friend!” With that, Arnold wrapped his mission companion into a hug.
“I missed you too, buddy.”
Arnold began to explain his night minute per minute to Kevin when Kevin suddenly felt a strange feeling on his rear end. 
Did someone just grab his butt? Kevin looked behind him where he saw Connor grabbing a snack from the cabinet. 
When did Connor get so smooth? Kevin started to contemplate this. Then, he got a better look at Connor’s face and saw that the boy was blushing like crazy. Ah, that was the awkward ginger he knew and loved.
Meanwhile, all Connor could think about was the awful Hell dream that he was going to have for that.
“Are you okay, Kevin? You look a little...out of it.” Arnold said, looking between Kevin and Connor. 
“Huh? Oh, yeah I’m fine I just…” Kevin watched as Connor hastily went to his room.
“Sorry, I have to do something Arnold.” Kevin began to walk after Connor.
He got into Connor’s room and found Connor curled up on his bed.
“Con...you good?” Kevin looked at the sad ball that was his boyfriend.
“Kevin…” Connor whined. 
“Yes?” Kevin sat down next to Connor.
“I’m sorry…” Connor avoided eye contact. 
“Yeah, what the hell was that back there?”
“I just wanted to be flirty. And sneaky. And sly. And romantic. And,” Connor blushed, “sexy…”
Kevin laughed. “Well, you were adorable, I’ll give you that. But what if someone had seen you? You have to be careful with that Connor. I mean Arnold was right there. Right there. Luckily he was too distracted to notice, but you could’ve outed our relationship...and me.”
Connor sat up. “I’m really sorry...I didn’t think about that.” 
He had gotten caught up in the moment and forgotten that Kevin wasn’t out to the others like he was. After the excommunication with the church, Connor had come to terms with his homosexuality and told the other missionaries. However, this was all very new to Kevin. He wasn’t quite ready to come out and Connor wasn’t going to rush him.
“If it makes you feel better I’m sure I’ll have one heck of a Hell dream tonight.” Connor said, smiling sadly.
“Aw, babe.” Kevin grabbed Connor’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “Do you wanna spend the night in my room? Arnold’s a super heavy sleeper so I doubt he’ll wake up and see us.”
“Oh, I don’t wanna intrude…”
“Please?” Kevin stretched out the word.
“Fine…” Connor said, resting his head on Kevin’s shoulder.
“Now, as much as I’d love to spend the whole day cuddling together, Arnold is going to come looking for me. I’d rather me find him than have him find us. But meet me in my room tonight, twenty minutes after lights out.” Kevin planted a kiss on his boyfriend’s forehead and walked back into the living room.
•••
Connor laid down in his bed, considering what to do. He could stay in his room, have a Hell dream, and deal with it alone. Or he could attempt to stay up all night and avoid the Hell dream all together. Or he could sneak into Kevin’s room, like they had planned, and he would have someone to comfort him when he woke up from his Hell dream.
While the third option was the most appealing to Connor, he felt sort of guilty about just barging into Kevin and Arnold’s room. But Kevin had invited him…
Connor considered what would happen if he just stayed in his room. He’d go to sleep feeling upset, he’d wake up in the middle of the night and sob about his Hell dream until he went back to sleep, and the next morning Kevin would be angry at him.
Screw it. Connor was going to Kevin’s room. He only got to be in Uganda for two years. He was going to make the most of it.
Connor looked at the clock. 10:22. It was two minutes after they had planned to meet. Connor carefully crawled out of bed and sneaked into Kevin’s room.
Kevin sat up and spoke a faint, “Hello.”
Connor sat next to Kevin, unsure of what to do next. “So…” he said, anxiously running his hands through his hair.
Kevin giggled. “C’mere.”
Kevin laid down and motioned for Connor to do the same. He wrapped his arms around Connor and kissed him on the cheek.
“Kevin?”
“Mmhmm?” Kevin said, nuzzling his face into Connor’s shoulder.
“How are you so good at this?”
“Good at what?” Connor could tell Kevin was beginning to fall asleep, as he was mumbling and pushing all his words together.
“Relationships? Like, this is your first one and you’re so perfect at it.”
“I dunno. I’m a natural.” Kevin smirked. “Now let’s get some sleep, mkay?”
“Okay...goodnight, Kev.” Connor kissed Kevin gently.
“Night Connor…”
•••
Connor woke up, covered in sweat. A single tear rolled down his cheek but he quickly wiped it away.
The next thing Connor noticed was his hands. They were insanely shaky and he couldn’t stop them. Next, his breathing. He was breathing quickly and loudly, and couldn’t slow down.
“Mm…” Kevin stirred in his sleep. Connor looked at Kevin. He began to worry he would wake Kevin up. He tried to quiet his breathing.
Connor slapped his hand over his mouth and tried to calm himself, which somehow only made him more upset. His breathing got quicker and a couple more tears escaped his eyes.
Eventually, Connor’s heavy breathing woke Kevin.
“Whoa, hey, Connor, are you okay?!” Kevin sat up and put his hand on Connor’s shoulder.
Connor opened his mouth to speak, but was hyperventilating too much for any words to come out.
“Hey, shhh, I’m here Con. It’s okay. Whatever it was, it was just a dream. You’re okay.” Kevin said, pulling Connor onto his lap.
Connor embraced Kevin and put his head on his shoulder. Kevin rubbed his back until his breathing eventually slowed.
“I’m sorry, Kevin.”
“Connor, it’s okay, you have nothing to apologize for. Do you want to talk about it?”
Connor slowly nodded. He inched off of Kevin’s lap onto the bed.
“Well...it started like a normal Hell dream: Demons everywhere telling me how I’ve sinned, Satan telling me that I shouldn’t be gay, Jesus explaining how I’ve disappointed him, my parents crying about their awful son…” Connor flushed, “you...being cute and flamboyant.”
Kevin smiled.
“A-and then I started to feel guilty for being attracted to you, but then Satan started explaining how I’ve sinned more than I ever have when I grabbed your butt, and he convinced me I was going to Hell, and you started explaining how I ruined your life and made you uncomfortable and how I’m so gross and disgusting and the worst sinner ever, and—“ 
Connor’s rambling was interrupted when Kevin wiped a tear off Connor’s cheek. He hadn’t even realized he had been crying. 
“Connor...none of that is true. I know that doesn’t help much, but I love you so much, and I promise I don’t feel that way.”
“I just really don’t want to go to Hell. And I don’t want to be the reason you go to Hell—“ Connor’s voice cracked and he started to cry harder.
“Hey, shh, it’s okay.” Kevin said, rubbing Connor’s back. “Come here.”
Kevin laid down with his boyfriend, rubbing his thumb up and down Connor’s tear streaked cheek. 
“Can I tell you something?” Kevin cupped Connor’s face.
Connor sniffed. “Yes?”
“When you grabbed my ass—“
“Your butt—“
“Con, I can’t believe that even while you’re sobbing from your Hell dream you’re going to censor me.” Connor smiled. “But anyway, when you grabbed my ass, it was really cute. But not near as cute as the embarrassed look on your face.”
Connor began to blush. “Well, you see, I just—you know I thought that...I just felt—“ Connor sighed. “I love you, Kevin.”
“I love you too, Connor.”
“...also the shocked, concerned look on your face was super adorable.” Connor laughed as Kevin rolled his eyes.
Connor rested his head on Kevin’s shoulder, and eventually they fell back asleep.
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helisol · 5 years
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ye s, well
it basically came to me like a prophet receiving a vision from an angry god. you know. like brian david gilberts video ideas but with more slow burn.
no really i wrote all this down in my phone’s note app because some nearly coherent things popped up in my head every time i was on the train or bus these last few days.
(after-actually-writing-this disclaimer/note: this is 2000 words of slightly edited rambling about Bagginshield in the Afterlife. i had to put it in a read more.)
so the gist of it
the botfa goes just as in the movie with minor details altered. like bilbo kissing thorin just before he dies which inadvertently causes a ripple in time and space that makes the valar curious of them both. you know. minor stuff.
so bilbo goes back to the shire, the war of the ring goes down, and the hobbit/elf gang sails to valinor at the end. classic stuff, not much alternating of universes here.
but here’s where things turn into the “my city now” meme because DUDE DO I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT VALINOR AND HOW THE AFTERLIFE WORKS
like, I’m sorry mister jolkien rolkien tolkien, but just putting people into a hall to await being judged like a hospital waiting room? snooze, that’s boring!
so first of all, and you can fight me on this, Yavanna Made The Hobbits And You Can’t Change My Mind.
it just makes sense for her to have been very saddened by the destruction of literally all her work on arda through melkor’s poison, so she made living, growing things that could protect themselves from harm. as opposed to the ents, by the way, which were made by Eru to protect all the other living, growing things. it was a nice gesture of Eru to make those, but not quite what Yavanna wanted or had in mind, i imagine.
as with the dwarves, Eru wasn’t all happy about the existence of another race he didn’t make but you know, whatever, ‘I’ll just let this married couple have their own kids aside from mine, it’s okay’.
so he hands both the dwarves and the hobbits independent thought and free will, but under the condition (and here is where the afterlife stuff comes into play) that Aule and Yavanna be responsible for their mortal creations after their death. meaning that both races have seperate afterlives from the halls of mandos, MEANING THAT ITS COMPLETELY FINE FOR AULE AND YAVANNA TO BE LIKE “oh look honey, these two are so very in love and remind me of us, shan’t we do something about that?”
so. they do something about that. more precisely, they rearrange their afterlife-realms so they’re next to each other and someone with enough willpower could cross through the barrier. because listen, they’re valar, they can do whatever they want just for kicks.
okay so after that tangent lets get back to the meat of the matter: gay dwarves. I know not everyone has read Sansukh, a 500k word mammoth of a fic, and I don’t really intend to copy any of det’s canon, but their version of The Halls of Mahal really inspired me. basically the dwarven afterlife is one big hunk of a mountain/underground city where they’re free to live their days until dagor dagorath doing what they do best in the company of their families and friends; like smithing, crafting, building and other JustDwarrowThings.
meanwhile the hobbit afterlife is Basically The Shire and instead of being given the materials to build things, all the hobbits who go there get to grow plants and do their gardening. they don’t have to- just like none of the dwarves have to craft stuff- since there’s always enough food for everyone, but they are just allowed to do what they do best if they so desire.
now when Bilbo arrived in the undying lands he was still Old As Hell and im sorry to put it this way, he definitely kicked the can after like, a week of living there. not really so undying, them lands, huh. anyway Bilbo bites the dust and LOOK AT THAT he’s suddenly young again, and another LOOK AT THAT he’s standing in a very comfy, but Not Quite Bag End hobbit hole that has a note hung up on the front door. you wouldn’t think gods could have handwriting but hey, again, they’re gods they can do whatever. the note just tells him that yavannah made this place special and just for Bilbo but that there’s another home waiting for him. very cryptic there, lady. he doesn’t leave at first because hey, his family is here. there’s a lot of reunions and celebrating and food because its the fucking hobbit afterlife, what else would you expect
it takes him a few days of Regular Hobbit Life in his new home to realise ‘holy shit, this is so boring’ so what does a Fool of a Took do when things get boring and there’s a note urging him to do something?
HE’S GOING ON AN ADVENTURE
so Bilbo runs through the whole not-shire, meeting all sorts of people he outlived on the way (looking at you, Lobelia), as well as some elves. because elves can definitely just waltz through all the afterlives. they can walk on top of snow, you think they wouldn’t walk around wherever they please in valinor? rip to mankind, but they’re different.
he gets to the furthest reaches of it eventually, and lo and behold, what awaits him but the view of a tall mountain, an invisible barrier and a very flustered Thorin who is at his wits end as to how Bilbo even got here.
now for thorin’s part of the story we’ll have to start after the botfa again. he basically woke up in the darkness like an episode of naked and afraid, and started talking to Aule. his maker, who loves him to bits by the way since he made thorin, just tells him he’s free to go wherever his heart takes him. again with the cryptic messages from the gods.
so thorin, still very self-loathing and bitter because of his actions right before his death, sees this as Mahal’s way of saying ‘please don’t step foot in my halls u disgusting litle creacher’, when really he just meant ‘please do some well deserved self reflecting and then come inside to be with your family, they all miss you terribly’.
after his chat with the maker thorin just spawns in right at the front gate of the mountain and he has a choice to make. go inside or stay outside. and we all know Thorin’s proclivity for drama so he basically spends LITERAL YEARS just living in self imposed solitary confinement.
oh also tiny hc here, thorin was said to have taken “any work offered to him in the towns of men”, and they showed him in a smithy, but personally I believe they meant it when they said “any kind of work”. so basically thorin is a jack of all trades, master of some. he definitely has master-level skills in certain areas though, enough to build a vaguely hobbit-hole shaped house. why is it hobbit hole shaped?
oh right, the part where Thorin is absolutely enamoured with Bilbo.
"Go back to your books and your armchair, plant your trees, watch them grow. If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.”- HELLO? GAY POLICE? I’D LIKE TO REPORT A CASE OF ‘DWARF KING REALISING THAT THE HOBBIT WAY OF LIVING IS A REALLY GREAT ONE IN CONCEPT / WISHING HE COULD HAVE HAD THAT KIND OF LIFE WITH BILBO’
anyway it’s a long 80 years until Thorin does get to meet Bilbo again, and in the meantime we have one of my favorite additions to any Hobbit fanfic ever: Frerin
For the uninitiated, Frerin is Thorin’s brother. They also have a sister, Dís, but Tolkien never specified when she died and she was a bit younger than Thorin and Frerin so I reckon she’d still be alive as an old dwarf lady somewhere?
Anyway, Frerin. Oh boy. Sansukh, again, does an excellent job at turning Frerin into a character with a level of authenticity that gets real fucking close to Genuine Tolkien™, so most of my own characterisation of Frerin is based on that in Sansukh. With the important omission of the dwarves not being able to see the present/their still alive loved ones in middle earth through a magic mirror pool.
so Frerin takes it upon himself to leave the mountain in search of his brother because he really does want him back. but also because Mahal has had it with Thorin’s antics and suggests Frerin fetch him so he can finally reunite with his family. Mahal doesn’t talk to the dwarves a lot because he’s like an awkward and distant dad, but he does actually speak to them.
so Thorin is supposed to go see his family, which he does, but not immediately. it takes like, a solid year of just brotherly (and sister-sonly) companionship for him to open up about all his anxieties and regrets and THEN he goes into the mountain to cry in his mother’s lap. as you do.
however Thorin still feels like he doesn’t 100% belong with the other dwarves in there, so he frequently spends long stretches of time outside, building away at his house, thinking about Bilbo. the company goes out to visit him sometimes.
more details on the house tho, cuz it’s Important; it’s built halfway into a hill near the mountain, like a proper hobbit hole would be, but the lower levels are built into stone. look, he’s had 80 years to work on constructing this. it’s near perfect in every way for both hobbit and dwarf standards and could definitely fit the entire company and more inside.
now about the barrier. elves can pass through without a second thought because they’re shiny little bastards who just get to do all the cool stuff, but the other races can’t just hop between realms like that; they really have to muster up the willpower. which usually means they can’t do it because a drawback for both dwarves and hobbits is that they favor isolation from other races even in death, and as such don’t want to mingle with each other.
unless you’re Bilbo Badass Baggins though, who simply runs through the barrier to yell at Thorin for leaving him sad and alone for 80 years. he is that bitch.
there’s gonna be some legolas and gimli shenanigans if i can fit them in (cuz i dont know when exactly they sailed west together), possibly a mention of tauriel because bruh peter jackson did us dirty by not giving her any closure besides ‘lol i guess she’s banished from mirkwood??’ and Mairon. because. I also have some thoughts about him.
also Fili and Kili as pseudo matchmakers because every fic needs that
and did I mention there’s gonna be hozier lyrics for chapter titles
i said this was the gist of it but i somehow ended up at ~1900 words. well, more power to me.
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tearlessrain · 5 years
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okay I’m gonna liveblog the lion king we’re going to punch this dead horse until it gets up and walks away.
it’s just going to be a giant text wall of me complaining and nitpicking everything I think they should have done instead of what they did so probably just skip this one.
re: the bland visual design of this movie - elephant graveyard, nala says the sun is going down so why didn’t they take this opportunity to perhaps. have the sun be actually going down. and give the whole scene an ominous dusky red tone. that would have looked cool.
every once in a while a character emotes in a way that I’m like “okay, they can give them expressions and body language, they’re just deciding not to for some reason.”
I feel like this is a perfect example of my issue with this; when simba does the “I laugh in the face of danger” cackle, nothing really moves except his mouth. and I don’t know why, because like. the one on the left is what they did. the one on the right is still well within the range of realistic movement for a feline but it doesn’t look like a trained animal meowing on cue that got dubbed over with laughing.
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and I can’t figure out why they wouldn’t go with the one on the right. and it frustrates me. this is a thing that happens constantly in this movie and I can usually pinpoint exactly how they could have animated it differently.
the zoomed out shots and color/arrangement of the mufasa lecture are really pretty though. if they’d just stop zooming in on the faces while they’re talking.
... okay, no, we’ve transitioned scenes and we’re looking at hyenas now but this is exactly the same color scheme and I don’t think there’s a deliberate reason for it. that’s not how. no. at least make the blue more washed out or something if you have to make both scenes blue.
I’m going to take video editing software and alter the lighting/color overlays of every scene in this movie.
I won’t do that but I want to. disney has done so good in the past with color theory and this is hurting me.
okay so ironically, I’ve heard a lot of complaints from various sources about what they did to Be Prepared, but honestly this is the only scene so far that’s really worked for me. it’s so much less uncomfortable with the visual style for him to be mostly speaking the lines in an understated menacing kind of way and it all came together really nicely. I haven’t liked all of Scar’s scenes so far but he’s definitely my favorite thing they’ve done here on average. also for some reason they don’t seem to be as afraid of giving him movement and expressions as with the other characters, maybe it’s just that he’s already the most visually distinctive idk.
anyway, Be Prepared was good and I genuinely enjoyed watching it, they should have done that with the first song if they weren’t going to do something crazy and colorful. critics were wrong. water is wet.
the voice acting in this movie really is just all over the place. it��s scanning like an elder scrolls game where the actors were just given most of their lines out of context in alphabetical order or something. because now we have “stampede in the gorge! Simba’s down there!!” [acted well but blank expression] “Simba?” [spoken in a tone that implies “oh, is that rascal in the gorge? interesting” and not “are you telling me my son is about to be trampled by ungulates???”] and I can’t tell how much is actually weird acting and how much just seems weird because it’s matching up badly with the animation.
so the action shots are good, they can do action, it’s just when they’re standing and talking that it gets awkward.
I think the reason Scar works for me more than the others is that all his concern and intentions are fake and we know that so if a line/animation falls flat it matters less.
the wildebeest scene is actually pretty okay, again because it’s mostly action. I can live with it.
don’t like the delivery of “long live the king” but at this point whatever
I already knew it wasn’t going to match the emotional impact of the original death scene because honestly what would, but this was a really unfortunate time to go back to not animating any facial expressions. simba’s voice actor is just giving it their all but visually they’re giving me nothing here.
Scar’s voice acting is fascinating, half the time the actor sounds completely checked out but when his lines land they land really well, so now I’m starting to think he was just given bad directions.
the extra scenes that weren’t in the original are like, noticeably better than the others. it’s almost like realism has a time and a place and can work well when you aren’t trying to remake a cartoon scene for scene with it. I suspect this is why I liked the jungle book so much but am not having a good time watching the lion king at all.
I rest my case about action shots: Timon and Pumbaa still don’t have facial expressions for the most part but they never stop moving and bounce around like cartoons, so it doesn’t look weird that they’re talking.
WHY DID SIMBA REACT WITH MORE VISIBLE FEAR TO PUMBAA SINGING THAN HE DID TO A WILDEBEEST STAMPEDE
kind of living for Timon’s inexplicable but honestly fitting gay lisp
again, everything around these two is more cartoonish and it works. so. much. better.
did they just fucking change animation teams entirely after the stampede or something.
the lions’ voice actors still really need to tone down their singing in comparison to the animations though, this is why be prepared was the only one that’s really worked. I mean it’s really good singing but that’s sort of the problem. to quote deadpool, they’re singing at eleven but we need like a five or six.
on the other hand I can’t believe we got that whole extra scene and Nala is literally voiced by Beyonce but they still didn’t put in Shadowland.
this is honestly going so much better than the first act because it’s not a shot-for-shot remake anymore and they’re actually writing their own scenes that, obviously, work better with the medium. I really hope it continues like this.
except for the fact that simba still just stares blankly at everything, that’s not great.
please. make a facial expression.
we’re back in “scenes that happened in the original movie” land and it is not a happy place.
there’s no iteration of this scene I can watch without thinking about the rafiki vine
god FUCKING damn it there was exactly ONE SCENE in the ENTIRE movie that SHOULD have been remade word for word and you CHANGED THE ENTIRE TONE OF THE SCENE. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS. WHY WOULD YOU MESS WITH REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE. THAT SCENE FELT LIKE A RUINED SNEEZE.
FUCK;.
I’m so mad. it was finally starting to be a fun movie to watch and they did that. did they honestly think “I will always be proud of you son” would ever have the impact of “you are more than what you have become”
simba stop talking.
everyone stop talking you’ve already talked all the emotional impact out of this scene.
the soundtrack and new scenes are absolutely wasted on the entire rest of the movie. the travel montage is good but I’m still mad about the mufasa thing.
and let me be clear I’m cool with the visual decisions with the clouds that everyone’s mad about, that was fine if slightly too subtle. the problem is that they altered and drew out the dialogue in such a way as to completely defang the whole scene.
we’re still not gonna explain why the hyenas are bad or how Scar managed to cause a massive drought just by overhunting huh.
I can’t believe he’s hoarding all the food AND all the facial expressions for himself.
okay look disney you can’t just shoehorn a Girl Fight into every movie and call it feminism. what history do Nala and Shenzi even have to warrant this dialogue.
why did they put the simba/king music as a backdrop to rafiki beating up hyenas, this feels like when they used the nazgul theme for thorin in the hobbit. I’m at the point where I keep thinking “okay I’m just gonna stop typing and watch the rest and be done” but they keep doing weird shit.
good job nala you defeated your lifelong arch nemesis, the hyena you were once in the room with while she talked to someone else
again, the action shots are good. the problems arise when they start saying words at each other.
this movie has a big “people yelling lines that need to be said quietly for maximum impact” problem
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in all sincerity this is badass now that they’ve stopped talking
this would be a better movie if it wasn’t the lion king.
Simba defeated Scar and absorbed his ability to have facial expressions, wild.
all right final two scenes are exact reshots of the original but blander, and we’re done
holy shit that’s too many producers that explains a lot
okay well it was okay for a while in the middle and the bits where they actually added new things and/or exercised some creativity, and I kinda liked the reimagining of Timon and Pumbaa, but this went about as expected. it’s not like it’s a horrible movie or anything but if I was gonna show a kid the lion king I would show them the original because it flows better, it’s more visually appealing, and you can actually tell characters apart at a glance. also they used color theory properly.  seriously who let that get by. you are more than what you have become, disney.
anyway this movie’s biggest flaw is that it didn’t need to exist in the first place and the people who made it exist anyway were goddamn cowards about it thanks for coming to my ted talk.
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drunklander · 5 years
Text
Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander
Thoughts on Ep. 411
This week, on Outlander: Claire carries all of the water for Jamie! Lord John can’t decide if he’s dumb and creepy or a cool dude! Roger is still my designated tea refill break! Bree is back to being the worst! Murgsali remains the best!
It’s week two of my drunk recaps being done while not drunk *shakes fist at the concept of Dry January* and my willpower is being aggressively tested.
I hate this fake-out with Roger as much as I hate the fake-out in ep. 1x03 with Claire and Mrs. Fitz.
Are we going to get Roger back at the stones and his decision to stay and him being recaptured and stuff next week? Or are we just going to pick back up at the village and we just need to fill all that in ourselves? Tbh, I almost would have preferred Roger just not being in this episode...
Oh the title card... Bree is suddenly now a great artist! (Seriously, how the fuck did she never draw Roger at any point before Rogergate happened?! Like, cool if you don’t want to share who raped you, literally this whole thing could have been avoided without sharing that tidbit if Jamie KNEW WHAT ROGER LOOKED LIKE. Oh, thanks for the heads up, Lizzie, but it turns out that the guy you saw is Bree’s boyfiend. I punched him for leaving her, but it turns out he’s just a dick, not a rapist.) (Second week in a row that I’ve made that typo. It’s like even my subconscious doesn’t like Roger.)
And Bree loves drawing the enslaved people on her great-aunt’s plantation! Which she apparently is totally cool with!
Also, Bree says Aunt wrong. It’s a minor thing but one that is driving me up a fucking wall every time she says it. (People in Massachusetts say it like Ahnt, not Ant.)
Geez, Lizzie, Bree doesn’t need to easily forgive Jamie. Jamie doesn’t deserve to be easily forgiven. Honestly, Lizzie is the least to blame for this whole fiasco. She saw a dude being rough with Bree and then the next time she saw Bree was post-rape. Jamie was a complete prick to Bree, beat the shit out of a random guy without letting him get a word in edgewise and had his nephew get rid of him. And then didn’t fucking tell Claire, who probably would have put two and two together, about it. Fuck that guy.
I simultaneously can’t believe and 1000% can believe they read this shit heap of a story line and were like “Yep, this is great stuff! Let’s definitely spend half a season on it!”
ROLLO! THE GOODEST BOY!
Ugh. Young Ian being like “Oh hey, Auntie Claire, how about you go do the emotional labor of making Jamie feel better about being a fucking dumbass!” Hard pass, Ian. Hard fucking pass.
So here for Claire’s “what you *both* thought.” Like yep, Ian, you’re at fault too. I know you love your uncle, but you gave that whole big speech at River Run about being your own man and yada yada, so maybe fucking own your part in this. You didn’t fucking have to sell a guy into fucking slavery. BUT YOU’RE STILL NOT AS MUCH TO BLAME AS JAMIE. FUUUUCK THAT GUY.
Also, Jamie, you dumb fuck. You should have been fucking groveling by now. You get no points for keeping your distance. Nut up and mea culpa the shit out of this situation.
Honestly, if they wanted to make the show just about Fersali and Murtz, at this point I’d be totally on board.
Wait, so Fergus has been unemployed this whole time? How the fuck have they been living for the past year then? What happened to his job at the printer? I have so many questions...
So Bree, who grew up in civil rights era Boston and had a Black roommate, is totally just chill about living on a plantation and being waited on by enslaved people? Like, we’re not going to mention this at all? Cool. Cool cool cool.
Also like fucking mother like daughter. She’s like “Oh hey, Phaedre, I’m going to draw you. Sit there. No, I’m not going to ask if you want to be drawn. Or take into account what Jocasta might do to you because of my decision to make you not be doing what you’re expected to be doing. Like my Mom did with asking you to call her by her first name, I’m just gonna disregard what the consequences might be for you because treating you like this will make me feel better about myself.”
Maria Doyle Kennedy continues to be awesome.
"Sorry! Did I wake ye?” I love Marsali so fucking much.
I really like them giving what was a convo with Jenny and Jamie about Ian in the books to Marsali and Murtagh about Fergus. But man, women do so much of the emotional labor in this fucking episode. Marsali is running a house, caring for a baby and risking having a wanted man sleeping in her kitchen but she also has to like fluff the pillows for Fergus’ feelings.
Yes, I know that spouses should support each other and be there when the other one needs something. But since we see so little of Fersali now, we’re not seeing this as a two way relationship. Just Marsali doing it for Fergus.
That being said, I do think it’s very sweet of Marsali.
“If I wanted him shot, I’d do it myself. And it wouldna be Fergus I’d take aim at first. He doesna put his boots on my blankets.” I just fucking love her so much, y’all.
Does Murtagh know who Marsali is yet though? Does he know about Jamie marrying Laoghaire? Were we robbed of the glorious Murtz reaction we could have had? Le sigh. If I had a drink, I’d pour one out...
Oh hey, Gerald. Is your name going to stay Gerald? Or are you randomly going to start being Neil in a couple seasons?
“Have you been enjoying your time at River Run?” “Yes, I love River Run. I love living with a bunch of racists, benefiting from the enslavement of Black people. I never once bring up how uncomfortable I am, or even look like I’m uncomfortable about the situation. I am not at all morally conflicted about my current situation. Everything is totally cool.”
I raged a lot during ep. 4x02, and honestly that rage all still stands.
Oh hey! John Grey, Lord of Convenient Appearances is back!
Fergus talking to Germain is my everything. “It seems there are some here who do not appreciate your contribution to the cause.” *swoon* I can’t wait for him to teach his lil dude the fine art of pickpocketing...
I LOVE THE FERGUS AND MURTAGH RELATIONSHIP A LOT AND I’M VERY GLAD THEY’RE GETTING SCREEN TIME TOGETHER.
BASICALLY I LOVE MURTAGH’S RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYONE.
I JUST LOVE MURGSALI OK.
Bree’s like that obnoxious college freshman who comes home on break and is like all insufferable because they took like one intro to psych class and now want to like diagnose everyone they know with random shit.
“Must I close my eyes when you are before me?” “Yes.” Well played, Bree, but I still do not like you at all in this episode.
Man, 18th century tinder fucking sucks.
I know this show isn’t subtle at all, but jfc, they’re like punching us in the face with the judge being gay. 
Bree, Claire and Betty fucking Draper should start a club for women who drink like fish while preggo.
Ok so I’m on board with the convo with LJG and Bree about his vision or whatever, but then it crosses over into creepy later on in the episode.
Can Lizzie please fuck off already? She’s annoying af.
Also, she blurts out that Bree’s pregnant but managed to keep it a secret that Jamie kicked the shit out of a guy for weeks? I’m calling shenanigans on that.
I get that the convo with John and Bree about Jocasta trying to marry off Bree to some rando is supposed to like be clearing up the handfasting is marriage vs. not marriage thing that the show can’t make up its mind about, but it still bugs me, tbh. A lot.
I still am lowkey annoyed that they expect us to be so invested in Roger and Bree when they did like nothing to build up their relationship before it went to shit (both times). Like, you’re lazy when it comes to your characters, show. You’re doing a bad job. If no one is invested in the characters then all the plot in the world won’t make the show good.
The amount this show relies on book readers backfilling shit is absurd.
Jocasta, as a woman and figure in society, is a far more understandable giver of this speech about Bree needing to be married than Jamie, a dude who can have her live with him in his and Claire’s house in fucking bumblenowhere backwoods. But still, WHY DON’T THESE FUCKERS JUST TREAT HER LIKE SHE’S MARRIED. SHE TECHNICALLY IS. SHE’S HANDFAST. WHO GIVES A FUCK IF THERE WEREN’T WITNESSES. NO ONE IN CROSS CREEK KNOWS THAT. PEOPLE WILL JUST ACCEPT WHAT YOU TELL THEM. I HATE THAT ALL THESE FUCKERS WON’T PUT THAT TOGETHER.
Ok, cool that Lord John is getting some action, I’m am 10000% here for him to be happy with a man who actually wants him back instead of creepily pining over Jamie forever. But FFS YOU ARE NOT STUPID. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU BANGING THIS DUDE IN THE GODDAMN HALLWAY?! YOU ARE A VERY CAREFUL PERSON. YOU KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF PEOPLE KNOW YOU’RE GAY. YOU FUCKING GOT SHIPPED OFF TO ARDSMUIR BECAUSE OF RUMORS ABOUT YOU AND HECTOR. YOU ARE SMARTER THAN THIS YOU STUPID FUCKING FUCK.
All that aside, I totally ship John and the judge and they should totally be boyfriends and bang a lot, but FUCKING NOT IN THE GODDAMN HALLWAY OF SOMEONE ELSE’S HOUSE WHEN THEY KNOW THEY LIVE IN A HOMOPHOBIC AF SOCIETY.
Ok, fuck Brianna for this blackmail bullshit. Fuck her so fucking much. She is the literal worst right now. Like are you fucking kidding me, Bree?! You’re garbage. I know this shit is in the book, but fucking christ. It’s bad. Fucking have Bree talk to John like “Look, my aunt is trying to marry me off. That fucking hobbit is going to propose as soon as I go back inside. I don’t want to marry him, you know I’m waiting to see if my parents can find my quasi-husband. Can you please do me a solid and say we’re engaged so people leave me the fuck alone until my parents get back?” We *know* John would say yes to that, because he eventually fucking goes along with it for THAT EXACT FUCKING REASON. SO WHY ARE THEY HAVING FROM-THE-POST-STONEWALL-FUTURE BREE THREATEN A GUY WITH THIS SHIT. SHE KNOWS HOW QUEER FOLKS ARE TREATED IN HER OWN FUCKING TIME, AND THIS IS THE PAST AND THE PAST IS THE FUCKING WORST. FUUUUUUCK HER.
“That sounds like a threat.” BREE, YOU DON’T GET TO BE BUTTHURT ABOUT BEING THREATENED WHEN YOU LITERALLY JUST TOLD A GUY YOU WERE GOING TO RUIN HIS LIFE, YOU ABSOLUTE ASSHOLE.
“I wouldn’t have said a word to anyone. I’d just threaten you with your worst fear. Because I’m a raging asshat.”
It’s creepy af that they’re like talking around John being in love with Jamie. I honestly hate that part of John so fucking much. Like he could be such a great character if they could fucking lay off the him pining over and being weirdly possessive of Jamie shit.
Ok, so with Bree now just telling everyone that it was Bonnet who raped her it’s really coming off that Jamie’s manpain was the *only* reason she didn’t tell anyone but Claire before. Which is so fucked up! She was raped! Fuck Jamie’s manpain! If she wants to tell people, she should fucking tell people! Sorry not sorry, but if you were brutally raped and possibly impregnated by some fucker and you want to let people know who it was because it turns out he’s a fucking sociopath, that fucking trumps “oh, my bio dad might feel icky about it.”
“The union of our families is a blessing to us all. Except for the second someone better comes along. Because omg he’s a *lord*! Bye, Neil. Go have yourself some second breakfast.”
Oh fuck you, Jamie. You don’t get to be butthurt at Claire. Claire didn’t beat the everloving fuck out of some rando at the word of a maid, send him into slavery and then keep it a fucking secret. Also like, why the fuck did he even keep it a secret from Claire?! Why not do what Bree did and tell Claire but have her not tell Bree? And he’s still keeping him asking Murtagh to track Bonnet down from Claire. Seriously, fuck Jamie.
Oh Rollo, this isn’t Terminus. We don’t eat people in this show.
I literalol’ed at them pulling an Everest and using a dead body as a wayfinding tool. Probs not the reaction they were going for.
“He is... very much like his father.” DON’T MAKE IT WEIRD, JOHN.
"Good doesn’t come into it. I love him more than life itself.” I love the convo about loving a kid even if you’re not the bio dad, but this “It’s only new because there is hope.” bullshit while they’re sitting on the FUCKING PORCH OF A PLANTATION, LOOKING OUT AT ENSLAVED PEOPLE WHILE THE REST OF THE FAM IS OFF LOOKING FOR THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE LIVED ON THE LAND FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS, IS SO FUCKING TONE DEAF IT HURTS.
“I was upset, but not with you.” Uh, Claire? YOU SHOULD BE UPSET WITH JAMIE. WHAT THE FUCK. YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY BE UPSET WITH JAMIE.
I get Claire’s reasons for not telling Jamie. I think Bree should have told Claire to tell Jamie since it seems like her only hesitation for doing so was Jamie’s #feelings. And I 100000000% think that it makes *zero* sense that she never told Jamie what Roger looks like. But Claire is doing way fucking more than her share of apologizing here. JAMIE IS THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE DOING THE BIG DRAMATIC APOLOGY. THIS IS LIKE 99.7% HIS FUCKING FAULT.
I HATE ROGERGATE SO FUCKING MUCH.
“Frank made plenty of mistakes.” UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE FUCKING CENTURIES, BEAUCHAMP.
Aaaand then they couch it as an “all parents do” thing. BECAUSE OH NO, CAN’T ACKNOWLEDGE THAT HE WAS AN ABUSIVE JACKASS. NOPE. CAN’T DO THAT.
This show is fucking *killing* me with its refusal to make the male characters accountable for their actions. 
And then we get the same sex scene we got in the premiere. Because even though Jamie and Claire get freaky in oh-so-many different ways in the later books, the show has decided that from now on they need to be vanilla and boring. I mean, in the book this bit is described as fierce with blind desperation. I know I always say I want them to deviate from the book, but ffs, I didn’t mean make all the sex the same when the situations and emotional states of the characters when they’re together are very different...
And no, Balfe, I’m not a “horny granny.” (Seriously, fuck her for that comment, tbh. I know what she was probably trying to say, but word choice, Caitriona. It’s fucking important.) I’m not watching this show for the smut. But the core relationship, what’s supposed to be the heart of the show, is now monotonous af. 
Jamie and Claire as characters have always been a couple who express themselves passionately and physically. But now suddenly they’re just like soft af all the time? Where’s the fire? Where’s the spark? You don’t need to have nudity to show passion, show. I’m not asking for a parade of boobs and butts. (If there was contractual stuff involved with that for actors or whatever, more power to them.) But ffs, the show is managing to make me bored with the main fucking ship.
And then Roger gets the shit kicked out of him again and I’m here for it.
Because I still don’t like that guy.
(But seriously, framing the various Native American tribes as the “bad guys” is getting old af.)
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malereader-inserts · 6 years
Text
Unlikely Relationship
Fandom: Avengers Pairing: Peter Parker x Male!Reader Summary: It’s so nice to be young and to be in love. Word Count: 1890 Request: Could I request a Peter Parker x M!Stark!Reader where Peter’s doubting himself and reader’s comforting him and they start dating and one day they’re making out cause they thought no one was home and peter’s really shy, but Tony finds them and they didn’t even notice until he dropped something or made a really loud noise and they both get really embarrassed? A/N: For reference, in CW Peter is 14 years old, HC Peter is 15 years old. The reader is a year older than Peter. I am also adding the year leading up to IW, the year after HC, so Peter is 16 at that time. 
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There was always a spark between you and Peter, even from the get-go when you “accidentally” ran into him whilst he was coming out of school. There was more eye contact during your second meeting when you were in his apartment, happily talking to his Aunt May. 
You weren’t home often since you get frequently flying back and forth between university and home. Peter hardly saw you and was ashamed that you weren’t around during the civil war.
Your dad made you go back to university, thought it would be more protection for you than get in the middle of business. When you returned, and Peter had arrived home, you made sure you were there to entertain him. Even Aunt May saw the connection between you two.
“How old are you? 14?” You asked, looking at his homework, “The answer is fifty-four.”
“You barely looked at that!” Peter exclaimed from his bed, but you chuckled.
“Yeah, well, I am a genius,” You spoke with a tease, “15 years old at MIT, a Stark and a future businessman.”
“Wow, you got your whole life planned ahead of you, don’t you?”
Then you disappeared once again, but you frequently call Peter. Peter rang you mostly when he was tired of trying to convince your dad for some Avengers work. You called him often, to make sure he was well and for once you had a friend that didn’t pretend.
You would often face time each other through the phone and laptop, talking about silly things and helping him out with his homework. You started to find each other more than friends, you adored his stupid smile even through the slow connections.
But, then Peter started to talk about his new academic year at school. You weren’t able to hang around him during the summer much, but you often cherish it when you were able to spend a week or two back in New York. He started to talk about this girl he was crushing on, how he was going to ask her to homecoming.
You felt hurt, but you nodded and listen to him talk about her through the bright screen of the laptop. He wanted to forget his feelings for you because he didn’t know if you were gay or not. But, he just couldn’t with you.
You rang him up to scream sing happy birthday when he turned fifteen and he did the same back to you on your 16th birthday. You even watched the news about Spiderman and DC, you called him up almost immediately to check if he was okay.
So, when you returned home from University, a few days after Peter’s last day at school. You decided that you were going to spend some time with your dorky friend. You knocked on his bedroom window, which you saw a scared Peter jump up to turn the lights on.
Which he saw you smile sleepily through the window, he chuckles before opening it before you to enter. But, you stayed where you were crouching.
“Hey Spidey, up for an adventure?”
“I’m sure you’ll need a car and a driving license.” Peter was already getting up to get changed anyway, he turns to you as he rubs the sleep out of his eyes.
“It’s a good thing that dad’s letting me drive, isn’t it?”
“Holy shit, get out!” Peter exclaims loudly before hushing himself, “Is that an actual license?”
“Junior license for now, but when I turn seventeen you bet your ass that I’m fully getting that senior license.” You explained as you smirked, “I’m sure your up for some law breaking shit tonight? You wanna?”
Peter nodded as he climbed out of his window and quickly climbing down to the car you had been given by your dad. You were a safe driver, in Peter’s opinion, and he was hoping that you wouldn’t get caught due to the law against teens driving at night before you stopped at High Line.
Peter smiles at you enjoying the city view. You hand him a can of pop, which he happily takes and noticed you were opening a bag of sour patch kids.
“What’s on your mind, Parker?” You questioned, dropping a sweet in your mouth, “I can see it in your face.”
“It’s nothing bro, really,”
“Hey, enough Peter, you gotta talk if you need it. Stop toxic masculinity bullshit, you know?” You bumped shoulders with him as he lets out a chuckle.
“I’m bi and I like this guy, but I don’t think he likes me back because I think he’s straight,” Peter confesses as you raised an eyebrow, looking at him as he continues, “Also, if he was gay or whatever that isn’t straight. I doubt that he’ll even like me.”
“Why? You’re a great guy, Peter!” You bellowed, resting the sweets of the hood of your car as your head was turned to his direction, “Any guy and gal are foolish to not like you - hell, I like you.”
“Yeah, but you're my friend, you have to say that.”
“What if I don’t like you in that way?” You inquired, tilting your head as Peter stares at you, with his eyebrows furrowed.
“Brotherly way?”
“Oh my god, Peter!” You laughed loudly, shaking your head as Peter finally realised, “Listen, dude, I like you in that way. It’s cool if you don’t like me in th-”
“I do! It’s you, you’re the guy.” Peter blurted out before looking at his feet, his cheeks red as you smile fondly at the boy, “I have a massive fucking crush on you.”
“Good, so hopefully you wouldn’t mind me doing this?” 
You placed your lips against his, to say it was magical would be an understatement.
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Summer was much more fun that year time. After the first time, you kissed you had fully establish your relationship and keeping it a secret. He turned sixteen a few days before a new academic year started, then afterwards you had been dating for almost three months then soon after you turn seventeen and gifted a full driver’s license.
He was excited that you were graduating that year from University whilst he was coming up to becoming a Junior of his science school. Around November time, you came back for Thanksgiving, you had decided to surprise Peter at his school.
“Hey you,” You spoke confidently as he shuts his locker.
Ned and MJ looked at Peter dumbfounded that (Y/n) Stark was speaking to him and that he was not lying that he knew Tony Stark. 
“What the?” Peter spoke happily, “What are you doing here?”
“Got off college early, thought I’d drop in to see my boy,” You teased before raising boy eyebrows as if you were asking for permission to kiss him.
He smiles happily as he induces the kiss, leaving both Ned and MJ even more shocked. You were happily kissing your boyfriend when you heard a very loud obnoxious voice.
“Penis Parker finally found a boyfriend aye?” 
You pulled back, knowing who that was, Peter often talked about him to you and you were about to give him a piece of your mind. You turn around to see Flash, whose eyes widen to see such a famous face kissing the daylight of the person he dislikes the most.
“You want to keep chatting shit?” You questioned, he shook his head scared, “Good, now If I hear my boy complaining about you, let say it won’t be pretty, you got that Flash?”
“You know my name?”
“You got it?!”
“Yes sir,” He ran down the corridor as you screamed at him to beat it.
You turned around to hug Peter, “Movies at mine tonight, dad’s working late with mom, says it’s a meeting with the general about you know what.”
“Yeah sure, pick me up?”
“Always.”
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You had your arm wrapped around Peter’s shoulders, he was leaning close to you as you watched the movie. Like nerds you were, you decided to try, and binge watch the whole Hobbit and Lord of the Rings movies. Currently on the second movie of the hobbit.
As the credits rolled, you shifted so you could silently say to Peter you needed to stand. You stretch up before picking up your empty plates, bowls and glasses.
“I’m surprised that you even clean up after yourself,” Peter mocks amusingly as you roll your eyes, making your way to the kitchen with Peter trailing behind with some empty snack packets to throw in the bin.
Unknown to you and him, Tony had entered the building, exhausted and wanted to sleep but he noticed a familiar brown hair in his home, and he confirmed it through his voice.
“When’s Mr Stark coming home?” Peter asked as Tony hid behind the kitchen door.
You lean against the kitchen island, your back against the door as Peter leans against the sink counter facing you.
“Dad’s coming home from DC, either he’s home now or staying over the night. I mean it is coming up one now.” You shrug as you open your arms for Peter to bury himself in.
Tony watched as he was taken by surprise.
“Are you and Aunt May coming for Thanksgiving?” You asked as Peter looks up, “I mean dad absolutely adores you and thinks you guys need more quality time together.”
“I don’t know, maybe?”
“Please for me!” You begged, pouting and giving him the best puppy eyes.
“Fine!”
You chuckled before bowing your head slightly as Peter’s lips reached yours, it was slow and passionate. Tony stood at the door dumbfounded, he didn't know whether if he was getting too sleepy to start thinking that it was a dream or not.
Your shy boyfriend before he becomes rougher as he deepens the kiss. Pushing you further back into the kitchen island, as your hands were on his back and the back of his neck.
“Holy-, mother of god!” Tony exclaims.
Breaking apart you jumped to look at Tony, who stood there confused and shocked, he rubbed his eyes violently and blinking them to make sure that his eyes and mind where not playing a trick on him.
“Hey, dad, how was the meeting?”
“Don’t hey me, boy,” Tony snapped, before running his hand through his hair, “When did this happen?”
Peter and you looked at each other, both flushed faces as the embarrassment sinks in within you two. Your heart still thumping wildly due to the scare your dad created. You look back at your dad who was still waiting for an answer.
“Five months?” You blabbered out, unsure of how your dad would react.
“Five m-? You know what he's sleeping over tonight and tomorrow we’re going to have a long discussion on why you can’t hide importing milestones to your father.”
Tony turns around waving his hand as if he was dismissing you two.
“So, you’re not mad?”
“Absolutely furious with the pair of you, I’m missing the cute moments to fawn over about my son and his boyfriend.”
Tony disappears but you smile to yourself knowing that t was your father’s weird way of saying he approved of the relationship and that he was not judging at all.
“You want to finish the marathon or got to bed, Parker?”
“You backing out on a challenge, Stark?”
“Of course not, not without you.”
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anytime i eat a Mini Muffin i’m specifically taken back to this time in fourth grade when my english/literature/reading/whatever class did this thing with some other school’s english/whatever classes where we all went to this One School and put on our plays in succession (which were like, idk, maybe 5-10 minutes each excerpts from some Public Domain shit like idk ours was some scenes from julius caeser, shakespeare or whatever)
it’s one of those times i look back and i’m like oh in retrospect maybe it’s a bit obvious i’ve been a theatre gay all along. like with other evidence such as having a decent time learning the tenor parts in a choir, having Opinions on the fact that sopranos are always useless and basses are always useless in a different way, also our tenor section of like, 3-6 people being told we need to sing quieter and me being like aw fuck that Every Time, my vastly enjoying being on stage and the entire process of putting together a performance in the realm of ballet which i did for 11 yrs and which on occasion involved productions which had A Plot and Characters and i got to be some of those characters and super enjoyed the most musical-adjacent stuff, me abandoning stage fright on several memorable occasions, this one time i was in a Drama Class in middle school and threw together a useless skit with some friends but actually super enjoyed Playing The Part and putting it on even if it made no sense b/c that was never the point we were just Goofin, generally having somewhat sporadic exposure to but genuine enjoyment of theatre/musicals, like all my friends in college being involved in the theatre dept which might be in part because like 80% of my friends were through my theatre-y roommate who was that person in nyc i just mentioned, All This And More
anyways the signs and tells i could’ve perceived from this specific occasion were Many....back in fourth grade i was still pretty In A Shell which i’ve always been but to varying degrees and in varying ways, but i was like oh man yeah please let’s go on stage, i love that. we even sort of did ~auditions~ in that i think we all memorized like, a paragraph, and then all of us in the class like, rated each other or whatever and then that was tallied and the teacher had final say...i was Into that...and then i got one of the main-er parts which was cassius and i was like fuck yeah!! being caesar is overrated here b/c he dies like halfway through!! and then the teacher taught us the most important lesson which was Talk Louder which was great because when we went to the Meetup of all the classes from various schools doing their bits, it was a bit underwhelming because we couldn’t fuckin hear anybody
also i think we did it barefoot? or in sandals? i loved that. i’m like a hobbit in that i always want to be barefoot. reminds me of the time i really risked it all b/c i danced en pointe for a school thing once but it was just a regular ass stage, no rosin, none of that rubbery floor padding, so like, better not accidentally slip. i didn’t though. and back to caesar, i remember i was Vexed because when we did the stabbing part, it was only like, us all stabbing him, no particular sounds to provide dramatic cue or anything. maybe it worked anyways, idk. still haunts me to this day
also we got to put it on twice b/c some parents were late, and i was pumped about that. the point is that during a Break, one of the accompanying parents had brought along a box of those little snack bags of mini muffins, and i had some, and so every time i have mini muffins i think of this Theatric Experience
and then, as an epilogue, sometimes i’m like “oh ugh i have no interests or things i ever particularly wanted to do” but then i’m like well okay but again in retrospect, there’s some things i had “i’d be interested in doing that” feelings about but one of the reasons i don’t recognize that as an Area Of Interest is because i then brush it off as like “oh, but everyone’s interested in that” even though things like, for example, acting onstage, is Not actually something that interests everyone. and when there’s other similar sorts of concepts i’m Not interested in, i conveniently don’t think “well, nobody’s interested in that” b/c i know that’s not true
and then also in retrospect i’m like “well maybe you should’ve tried theatre in school, dumbass” i remember that i’m not even sure my middle school Had a like, after school drama program, i wanna say mayyyybe there was one but to be fair at that point i was like, entirely ignoring Everything in the after school realm. i just wanna go home and read honestly, terrible student forever. and then i didn’t go to high school, and in college obviously the theatre program was people who’d already been doing that shit, and i had no clue. didn’t stop me from hanging out around there sometimes and “helping” sometimes aka hanging with my friend who would actually be doing something; one time i painted a set, another time i painted a set for my old middle school. that’s all i know. also i went to see lots of the plays cuz my roommate would be in them and graciously give me a comp ticket and i’d be like sick let’s do this. friday night baby
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