We need to change how we talk about self-help techniques.
By self-help techniques, I’m talking about: grounding, mindfulness, meditation, breathing exercises, physical activity, and--the big one--yoga. I have struggled with my mental health since I was fifteen, and just now, I am realizing how much these things can actually help. I am almost twenty-six years old, and I will have been in therapy for ten years this fall. Let me tell you, I have spent so much of that time renouncing these tools. Recently, though I’ve realized that: holy shit, they can really work...but man they are offered to struggling people in the worst possible light.
TL;DR: Just because suggestions about ways to manage mental illness are framed as “you have to try it or you want to be sick” doesn’t mean that they can’t actually work or that you are invalidating yourself by trying or being helped by them. Featuring personal anecdotes and a boat metaphor.
I know I am not alone in that the idea of these techniques and exercises just made my skin crawl. They made me feel vulnerable in a way which really scared me, they felt impossible to initiate in the moments needed most, and--ultimately--they felt incredibly diminutive. Think about it: people getting sucked into rapids will drown cursing your name if all you do is insist they have to “ride the wave.” “Fuck you.”
When I began taking anti-depressants, it was not without a fight. I’m lucky; my parents were willing and able to put me in therapy as soon as I asked. But with medication, they were concerned it was a shortcut, that I would be on pills for the rest of my life, and that the chemicals would change me and do “the work” for me, as if this was an issue of character development and not brain malfunction. Why wouldn’t I just do something relaxing when I was upset? Why wasn’t I leaning more into my spirituality? Why wasn’t I letting anything else help me?
And that’s the problem! I tried to explain that I would be able to use those techniques easier if medication brought my overall symptoms down. You wouldn’t expect me to paddle upstream against a tsunami, but I could feasibly make progress against a strong current. Even at that point, if I go over rapids, I want a fucking life jacket, not somebody with their feet firmly planted on the riverbank shouting, “Try yoga!” Though I of course continued therapy in addition to medicine, I still resisted any advice having to do with self-help because of that sentiment.
To be clear, I’m still very pro-medication and for eliminating that stigma. Really, though, when somebody is having such debilitating symptoms--emotions--that they feel like they are getting pulled underwater and gasping for air, it’s not fair that the solution could be something as effortless as breathing in while counting until it’s better. That sounds like bullshit. Mental illness physically hurts, but to outsiders, it’s all in your head, and it would be fine if only you could step back and appreciate how good you have it. If “mindfulness” works, then maybe those people are right, and that can’t be true. It hurts too much to be true.
However, I want you to know that your struggles won’t be any less legitimate if something simple actually does end up helping. I have two stories here:
1. Last year, after wanting to start for ages, I finally began exercising: just going to the gym a couple of times a week. My goal was only to feel better in my body, not really to do anything for myself mentally. I even hired a personal trainer to write work-out routines for me to follow, both to hold myself accountable (I won’t skip if I’m paying someone) and just so I wouldn’t be totally lost the second I walked in. But I have felt so many unexpected mental benefits, as well:
Getting my heart rate and breathing elevated--and continuing to exert myself through it--has kept me steadier when anxiety starts to set in. I feel more confident knowing that I can lift heavy things, run distances, and because I did something productive. I’m not stress or bored-eating, not necessarily because I’m afraid I’ll “put the calories back,” but because I’m simply more regulated. I have been sleeping better since pushing my muscles has reduced my lower back pain. I don’t procrastinate showering if I’ve just gotten back from the gym. When I sit down to schoolwork, I focus easier if I had exercised. Something something endorphins. I know I’m starting to sound like a “bro,” but the point is that these are huge benefits to exercising that just don’t get mentioned by the people crudely suggesting that it will fix your depression.
2. A couple of months ago, I was having a bad night, and the “don’t believe any negative thoughts about yourself after 10 p.m.” rule had gone out the window. I did what many of us have taught ourselves to do and asked for a lifeline: I texted my girlfriend in the same room (because vocalizing it was too hard) asking if she would come over to sit with me. I didn’t even realize I was having an anxiety attack, but she did. At first, I felt too frozen and in-pain when she asked me to sit up from clutching the fetal position. Instrumentally, though, she said that she wanted to help, but I had to help myself, too. She was throwing me a ring, but I had to swim and meet her halfway. I sat up.
She held me and led me through a “find five things in the room” exercise, and fuck me: it helped. No, I wasn’t cured. I’m still not. But this broke my self-destructive loop, and I was able to go to sleep relaxed. This was an epiphany for me. I could have provided myself this tool, this comfort, the entire ten years I’ve been dealing with this shit! Instead, I’ve just been enduring it, hoping against everything pulling me down that--instead of drowning--I’ll eventually kick the riverbed where it’s shallow enough to stand.
When self-help techniques are offered to mentally ill people, they tend to be used as a “gotcha:” you could easily be better, if only you wanted to try. To be completely fair, this isn’t always the meaning. However, it only takes a couple of those microaggressions to ensure you shut down when your therapist or a concerned loved one asks if you've tried "grounding” before.
Please, take it from me: these tools aren’t just leaky arm floats that people who never even needed to learn how to swim offer just to feel better as they watch you struggle. They are a life jacket to keep you afloat when you tip, a wider paddle to outrun the rapids, a better rudder and tiller so you can actually steer, a bailing bucket for when things get dicey, or pontoons so you won’t tip so readily. Trying self-help techniques doesn’t disclaim what you’re going through, they just might make it more bearable.
Our world is always imploring us to improve. You need to have a better physique, create some new skills so that you don’t get left behind, improve your relationships, your spirituality, learn a new language, or manage your money better. Here is the thing; the list is endless and 90% of the investment you make reading or taking classes in self improvement is pretty much worthless. Why do we get on…
shout out to everyones who's brains and nervous systems have been wrecked by stressors + the state of the internet + everything else going on. I promise we'll adapt and I promise things will be alright, focus on making good small decisions to protect your well-being like cutting certain platforms (instagram, twitter, whatever you feel like) and having a look through your follow list to see if unfollowing some people might help. try giving your brain a rest by letting yourself be bored some times. try doing a puzzle or a physical task without a podcast or music or netflix drama. consider not clicking on that expose video of someone you dont know. hesitate before telling someone off in the comments or joining in on an online argument that you can opt out of. protect yourself so you can make your world a better place. push yourself when needed. cut the onslaught of overstimulation where you can, if you want.
I am saying this as someone who's never felt at home irl, with adhd and dyspraxia, general awkwardness, chronic depression, struggles with regulation and im sure a bunch of other things. I really struggle reducing screen time because it often feels like the outside world rejects me, I'm sure some of you relate to that, but I'm taking small steps to make things easier for me in the long run and day to day. it doesnt matter if we don't reach some end goal of total and complete peace and purity or whatever, all that matters is that we're choosing to be more mindful of how we navigate this world of constant stimulation. and i fully believe in all of us :)
If anyone can give me their opinion on a friend thing I would really appreciate it.
One of my close friends is having a friendsgiving and I am pretty sure I'm not invited. She referenced the friendsgiving around me twice, but didn't outwardly say the day or time I just know the weekend it is happening but she knows I know about it because she's mentioned it as a whole a few times.
Well it's happening this weekend and I am realizing if I were invited I'd likely have gotten invited by now.
This is a friend who honestly knows me better than anyone else and knows I overthink/get anxious about friends being mad at me, and so potentially not being invited to something literally labeled friendsgiving is hard. (Oh, and to note, this isn't like a thing she's done for years with a specific friend group.. a coworker of mine (this friend and I used to work together, that's how we met) was invited and they are not by any means close friends). I am trying really hard not to spiral but it's really really hard not to. This is honestly my closest friend. I know I am not her closest friend but I really thought we were at least pretty close friends in her mind.
I know I've been a bit depressed and really anxious lately, and so a huge part of me is worried she maybe didn't want to invite me bc she didn't want me to bring down the party or something but I also know this friend really well and that isn't the way I'd imagine she'd have ever approached this bc she's always been encouraging and supportive and just so genuinely kind about showing up however you are. But idk if maybe that just doesn't extend to her social events where her other friends are there.
It honestly has been really really hard to navigate because it's something that is not really fair to get mad or upset about because it is entirely her choice who she invites to her own get togethers/parties. And I know i'm not a social person really so maybe it's that but I am her friend, so it's such a difficult torn in the middle thing. And then on top of all of this, like would you even bring it up (after the party obviously.. don't want to get a pity invite. Like ever). I don't want to be someone who's feelings get hurt all the time or like whiny about something unfair/unnecessary to vocalize but I also know if I am not invited in the end, the trust i've built with her and her being my friend (something that has taken a long time to build.. which she knows about) is damaged quite a lot.
I just am so sad about it, don't know if that's even fair to say, and no idea what i'd even do if this is how it plays out.
Will you please tell how can I control my mind from wandering around when I spare some time to meditate? Is there a way I can totally control this wandering?
Then to be honest with you, I am a positive minded person and believe in myself. Nonetheless I sometimes find myself engulfed by fear and anxiety. How can I manage these?
Letting them be, letting them be there now, how they are Letting your thoughts be just as they are, just as they enter you, is how they will have less power over you. Try to simply acknowledge and respect that power, without pushing them away or wanting them to be any different than they are now. And just sit with them.
When you seek to control them, they dig in deeper. If you wish them away, or think that they are bad to have because you’re meditating, they will only show their power more and more. They are there, let them be. Try to remove your judgement of them and remove how your experience of meditating should be and just sit, just breathe and just be.
You aren't doing anything wrong. These thoughts will come and go, everyone has thoughts and when you stop to sit they can be louder or have more weight, but they are just simply there, try to simply let them. acknowledge the pull of them, but then keep breath g and sitting. Just simply stop treating them like the enemy and they will make you their enemy less and less.
Positively and anxiety can both exist in you. Seeing the good in things and expressing that, doesn't make you immune from anxiety. Anxiety has to do with anger, suppressed anger. And you can simply see good in life and be repressing anger as well. And, actually positively can be a mask for the anger underneath and that underneath anger expresses itself as anxiety in your life. It does this to get your attention so you can get to the root cause of the anger and heal it. Move past it. Move through it. And that starts with feeling your anxiety, getting to know your anger, your angry side, your frustrated side. Write it out. Acknowledge it and get to know it. It seeks your attention, doing this gives it your attention, what it craves and when you do that it no longer needs to pull your attention to it with anxiety attacks and those feelings.
at the end of every class we have a relaxation moment where we lay on our back, close our eyes and try to empty our heads of all thought while hearing relaxing music and the teacher gongs that special bowl gong bell that some yoga instructors have.
i fucking completly blacked out. i didnt even registered what happened. one second i was there and the next i was teleported a few minutes later. they tried to wake me in many ways by turning the lights on and calling my name and i didnt even registered it.
In a trendy fast-paced global, pressure has come to be a common part of our lives. Whether it's painting pressures, non-public duties, or sudden demanding situations, pressure can build up and take a toll on our intellectual and physical well-being. Fortunately, there are simple and effective techniques you can use to alleviate strain speedy and regain a feel of calm and stability. In this weblog, we'll explore stress therapy and a few practical hints and techniques to help you manipulate pressure inside the moment and promote rest and inner peace.
1: Deep Breathing Exercises
One of the fastest and most effective approaches to relieving strain is through deep respiration sports. Deep respiratory allows for activating the frame's relaxation response, reducing heart rate, reducing blood strain, and promoting a feeling of calm. Try the subsequent deep respiration technique:
Find a cushy seated function near your eyes.
Inhale deeply through your nostrils, filling your lungs with air.
Hold your breath for some seconds, then exhale slowly through your mouth, releasing anxiety and pressure.
Repeat this method several times, focusing on the sensation of your breath because it enters and leaves your body.
2: Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Progressive muscle rest is another effective method for easing pressure and promoting rest. This technique includes systematically tensing and enjoyable unique muscle agencies in the body to launch physical tension and reduce strain levels. Here's a way to practice innovative muscle rest:
Start by locating a quiet and comfortable area to sit or lie down.
Begin together with your feet and slowly anxious the muscle tissue to your toes, retaining for a few seconds, then launch and relax.
Continue moving upward via your frame, tensing and enjoying every muscle institution, which includes your legs, stomach, chest, fingers, shoulders, neck, and face.
Focus on the sensation of relaxation spreading during your frame with each release of tension.
3: Mindfulness Meditation
Mindfulness meditation is a powerful practice for decreasing stress and increasing consciousness of the present moment. By focusing on your breath and looking at your thoughts and sensations without judgment, you could cultivate a feeling of calm and clarity amid stress. To exercise mindfulness meditation:
Find a comfortable seated position and near your eyes.
Take a few deep breaths to middle yourself and bring your interest to the present second.
Notice the feeling of your breath because it enters and leaves your frame, permitting you self to enjoy every inhale and exhale.
If your thoughts start to wander, lightly redirect your consciousness again to your breath without judgment or grievance.
Continue this exercise for several minutes, steadily increasing the length as you turn out to be more snug with the exercise.
4: Engage in Physical Activity
Physical activity is a natural stress reliever, assisting in launching endorphins, the body's sense-true chemical compounds, and reducing degrees of the stress hormone cortisol. Whether it is going for a brisk walk, practicing yoga, or dancing to your favored tune, conducting normal bodily interest will let you manage strain more correctly. Aim for a minimum half-hour of in-depth exercising most days of the week to experience the entire advantages of physical interest on your mental and emotional well-being.
5: Practice Self-Care
Finally, keep in mind to prioritize self-care as part of your stress therapy recurring. Taking time to engage in activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul will let you recharge and replenish your energy reserves. Whether it's spending time in nature, indulging in a hobby you revel in, or connecting with loved ones, make self-care a concern for your day-by-day lifestyle.
Conclusion:
While it is not possible to put off stress from our lives, mastering the way to manage it efficaciously can help us lead happier, healthier, and greater pleasing lives. By incorporating those brief strain relief techniques into your everyday ordinary, you can empower yourself to navigate life's challenges with greater ease and resilience. Remember to pay attention to your body and honor your needs, and do not hesitate to try to find expert aid in case you're struggling to cope with stress on your personal. Here's to a calmer, greater peaceful you!
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