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#attachment styles
guiltyidealist · 6 months
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Latest hobby: radical self-acceptance codependency affirmations
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I like to use over-the-top edgy imagery to invoke the ~emo~ sentiments we associate with edge, juxtaposing the aggressively self-loving text. accentuates the punk nature of radical acceptance
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theambitiouswoman · 8 months
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Attachment Styles in Relationships
Attachment styles are the ways people feel and act in relationships, based on their early experiences with parent or guardian. There are four main types:
Secure Attachment:
Healthy: Feeling comfortable with your partner and being able to share your feelings and needs openly. Trusting them and supporting each other without feeling overly worried about the relationship.
Unhealthy: Becoming overly dependent on your partner, feeling anxious or upset if they spend time away, or constantly seeking reassurance and validation.
Anxious Attachment:
Healthy: Expressing your emotions and needs to your partner, and valuing emotional closeness. Feeling secure when your partner reassures you and staying connected during difficult times.
Unhealthy: Constantly worrying about your partner leaving you, feeling jealous and possessive, or becoming too clingy and demanding in the relationship.
Avoidant Attachment:
Healthy: Valuing your independence and personal space while still being supportive and caring toward your partner. Understanding your emotions and expressing them in a balanced way.
Unhealthy: Pushing your partner away emotionally, avoiding discussions about feelings or conflicts, or being emotionally distant and unavailable.
Disorganized Attachment:
Healthy: Recognizing and addressing past traumas, working on building trust and emotional stability.
Unhealthy: Reacting impulsively or unpredictably in relationships due to unresolved traumas, struggling with forming and maintaining deep emotional connections, or experiencing extreme emotional highs and lows.
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shamebats · 10 months
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My brain doesn’t work the way capitalism wants it to. I crave a ton of closeness and quality time. I cook more and eat better when I have a partner to feed. I’m happier and more functional when there’s someone around to remind me to go on a walk and take a shower. My deepest, most abiding fantasies involve weaving my own life into a partner’s to a non-normative degree.[...] My longing for closeness borders on the transgressive. And I am disabled by society’s expectation that I do absolutely everything on my own.
- from Thoughts on Jessica Fern’s Polysecure by Devon Price.
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softgrlfriend · 2 months
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same old story
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chrysalis-within · 9 months
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Unresolved abandonment is the root of self-sabotage.
Susan Anderson, The Journey From Abandonment to Healing
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slivincptsd · 9 months
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protectcosette · 11 months
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Disorganized (aka fearful-avoidant) attachment style is overanalyzing/overcorrecting when you think your partner might be pulling away from you, but then pulling away from them when they draw close to you.
It is both craving AND fearing intimacy so deeply that you grip people tight in your hands lest they leave you, but keep them at an arms length lest they love you.
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windudemon · 1 year
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attachment styles and 16 types
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entp, entj, estp and estj are dismissing avoidants. they will basically won't need a deep connection more than a single person. they can have many, many "friends" though and they can absolutely enjoy their presence and have MORE fun/productivity with them but their relationship with these "friends" will be "emotionally superficial". they simply do not see the point of being "vulnerable" with people except that one person. in fact, they don't really want others to be vulnerable with them either. they will play with you and have fun with you in the moment but don't ask them their deepest darkest secrets or something. they won't tell you. they will change the subject. they will "dismiss" your deepening attempts of emotional connection. they don't need your emotional support. they deal with negative emotions not by sharing them but focusing on new positive experiences whether that's drinking or bungee-jumping or speeding or trolling others or working hard for their goals.
esfp, enfp, enfj and esfj are secure types. they won't avoid expressing their emotions. they LIKE expressing their emotions. if somebody make fun of that, it's them being assholes and evil and stuff so that will change nothing for exfxs. basically they got the biggest emotional balls and do not feel like they should protect themselves. naturally therefore their attachment style is secure. they are not guarded.
istp, intp, intj and istj are fearful avoidants. these types deep down need and like and want emotional support. all these types are duals of secure ones in socionics for that reason. but yeah, they are very afraid they will get the opposite of the support so their general attitude when it comes to emotional attachments is an avoidant one. secure types and their open and direct and emotionally/ethically-non-cryptic ways will encourage them to come out of their shells.
infp, infj, isfj and isfp gets preoccupied / anxious attachment style. like secure ones, they also want to create emotionally deep connections but their feelings are more fragile so any kind of rejection will make them take two steps back. but if you are nice, they will come closer and closer and closer. how to explain these types and dismissive avoidant ones are duals in socionics though? i think these types perceive dismissive avoidants even more anxious about feelings than themselves and in a way they are right too. so they empathize with them so they take their time so they use the best method to emotionally approach dismissive avoidants.
visit my main blog @ demonwindu.wordpress.com
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alilarew23 · 26 days
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this is soooo loa-ditch-the-old-self-coded. i fucking love the phrase “tipped over in the middle of invention.” be brave enough to persist in your invention.
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agent-troi · 12 days
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you know what i’m actually gonna start a poll about this:
poll for scully’s will be in the reblogs
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demonmoon00 · 4 months
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dear fearful avoidant,
you let someone you love overstep your boundaries over and over and over again. you react, you pull away, you get defensive. but you say nothing. you let your needs go unmet. and yes, you have needs just like them. needs left unsaid. and one day, when all of this builds up, you implode. now look at you. drained, tired, and overwhelmed. you hurt the person you love and you hurt yourself. and all you needed was space. let them know how you feel. they have no clue youre suffocating. let them know. you want to be close, but you need some air. you need to clear your mind. this is your reminder to speak up. it will save a whole lot of hurt in the longrun.
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theambitiouswoman · 7 months
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If you know me, you know I am obsessed with neuroscience. I devour countless articles and never miss an opportunity to dive into a book on the topic. I recently came across this, and found it very interesting!
Both attachment and deep love light up different parts of the brain. Attachment mostly uses a part of the brain that's connected to bonding, and chemicals called oxytocin and vasopressin help with this. On the other hand, deep love activates the pleasure and reward parts of the brain. The chemical called dopamine makes us feel really good and excited when we're in love.
You can be very close in a not so good relationships. You might be really attached, but it doesn't mean there's real love or respect between you.
You can feel deeply attached without really being truly in love. Attachment is a bond created with someone based on shared experiences (good or bad), dependency or habit. Experiencing big moments in life together, like moving houses, can bring you closer, even if it's not about love but make it hard to let go for this reason.
Love means having strong and deep feelings towards someone, from really admiring them to deeply caring for them. It's about feeling connected, caring, and drawn to someone. You can have love without attachment. You can care deeply about someone without needing them around all the time. Some believe it's good to love without being too clingy or controlling. So, yes, it's possible to love someone without always being attached to them.
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randomfoggytiger · 11 days
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X-Files: An Avoidance Shared by Two
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Was reading this beautiful post and had some thoughts.
**Note**: Will ghost edit later~
In light of the Attachment styles posited by @agent-troi, it makes sense why Scully and Mulder developed their unspoken so early on.
If Mulder is Anxious-Avoidant, then it makes sense why he sidesteps voicing his needs and especially his wants, fearing rejection from his support system (parents, girlfriends, friends, partners, etc.)
If Scully is Secure-Avoidant, then it makes sense why she is able to balance a strong sense of self with the need for reciprocal affection and an inability to show her "weakness" or reliance on another person.
But because she's an intelligent woman, Scully would've realized Mulder communicates more efficiently with his hands and eye contact than with his words. Physical touch doesn't seem to be a problem from as early on as the Pilot; but keeping close proximity to her partner in strained moments that crack her "strength" is more of a challenge (ex. Irresistible, Memento Mori, Elegy, A Christmas Carol, Emily, etc.)
Despite Mulder being her priority since Tooms, it took Scully seven years to resolve her avoidant issues, making peace with her ability to pick the right choice (a fear stemming back to the rabbit she'd rescued and accidentally killed) and truly embracing life for what it was.
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And because he's an intelligent man, Mulder would've realized Scully needs to hear reciprocal affection from time to time (or else, like you said, she jumps to Never Again and FTF and All Things conclusions.) Most of his compliments early on were spoken to the wind (E.B.E.'s "I think it's remotely plausible someone might think you're hot") or to other people (Irresistible "pretty woman" and Syzygy's "rigid in a wonderful way", etc.) Never Again was the shakeup that caused Mulder to start making more advances towards Scully (as opposed to Home's rapid withdrawal when she angled his banter more seriously) progressing from "I knew you would tell me if I was making a mistake" to "You're my one in five billion" to "You kept me honest, made me a whole person" to, finally, "You are my constant, my touchstone."
Despite Scully being his priority since One Breath, it took Mulder four years to realize he could lose Scully and begin to dig deep and work hard to prove that he not only wanted but needed her. The real change happened over six years in-- "another life, another world"-- and culminated in an act of impulsive courage that led to their no-excuses-left-to-give kiss in Millennium.
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(And isn't it interesting that both of their psychological pivots happened after getting a glimpse of what their life "could have been", i.e. Amor Fati and All Things respectively?)
Lastly, I think both of them recognized the Avoidant nature of the other: Scully had patience when Mulder ran off to the next big mystery instead of wanting a "normal" life with her (The Jersey Devil, bits in War of the Coprophages, Quagmire, Home, Detour, Dreamland, Arcadia, etc.); and Mulder didn't expect but learned to understand whenever Scully pushed him out of her personal walls (the slow build from Beyond the Sea to Never Again, Leonard Betts, Memento Mori, Elegy, Gethsemane, Emily, etc.)
(Sidenote: This dynamic would be yet another layer to their behavior in Never Again: Scully needed affirmation; but Mulder, having never seen or expected this side from her, thought she was gearing up to abandon him. By the end it's all cleared up... but neither is content with their separate but parallel awakenings (my thoughts on the script here, in-depth meta here, and in-depth Typing post here.)
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Conclusion?
Not much at this point, but I think the confident takeaway would be that-- really-- Mulder and Scully grew into their own with each other.
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Thanks for reading~
Enjoy!
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spicywaterwombat · 7 months
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Reminder to self: The goal is not to be free of insecurity or imperfection *before* building relationships. The goal is to learn how to own and work through insecurity *while* being vulnerable with the people you love.
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chrysalis-within · 1 year
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If rejection, desertion, or betrayal played a part in your loss, it is not just your sense of security that has been shattered but your belief in yourself, your sense of self-worth.
Susan Anderson, The Journey from Abandonment to Healing
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