#also slept like shit cause my back was so tight and it literally hurts to cry as hard as I have been all morning

[phantom-curve]

I would very much like for this week/month/year/everything to be over

#woke up to a 3 am text from my bestie telling me she’s accidentally pregnant and doesn’t know the dad #the same bestie that told me she couldn’t support me through my miscarriage because she was too sad (for herself) about it #and I’m just over here like k cool thx I just ended my period after thinking I might be pregnant this month #cause ya know we’ve actually been purposely trying for almost a year now #also slept like shit cause my back was so tight and it literally hurts to cry as hard as I have been all morning #and it’s not even 7 am yet!🤡 #mads complains #probably should delete this later #tw miscarriage

[starshapedkookie]

Falling

↳soulmate (noun): a person who is bound to another through the strongest  level of emotional and physical connection. one is given a name on the body upon 18 years of age and any transgressions against the laws of soul-bonding will not occur without harm. 

REPOSTED/REWRITTEN FROM OLD BLOG

pairing: jungkook x female reader 

word count: 31.4k (sorry guys, another monster lol)

genre: soulmate/destiny au, college au, photographer jungkook, angst, fluff, smut

warnings: smut (protected sex, vanilla, light choking), swearing, angst!!!, fluff (jungkook is head over heels), drinking, mentions of anti-depressants and therapy

recommended songs: falling by harry styles, love again by dua lipa, hold on by chord overstreet, dusk till dawn by zayn & sia, when we were young by lost kings

FALL

The last thing you needed this morning was for your coffee to get knocked out of your hand and crash onto the pavement—but of course, that is exactly what happened.

“Ugh,” you groan loudly, bending down to pick up the plastic cup. You did not have time for this. It wasn’t even your first day of classes yet here you were, making a fool of yourself in front of everyone. You quickly dispose of the plastic in a recyclable can before hurrying off to find your class. You were already going to be late—but you knew you didn’t want to be that kid on the first day coming in hungover and 20 minutes late. So far though, that was going to be exactly you.

You rush into the building of your class before rushing up the stairs to the main auditorium. You glance down at your watch and you roll eyes. 7 minutes late—that’s doable right? You enter the large room and you curse to yourself when it’s quiet and the only words are coming from your professors mouth.

“Class I believe we’ve found our first day straggler,” the professor’s voice erupts in the room through his microphone and you freeze in your spot. Everyone’s eyes are on you and you actually want to crawl into a hole and bury yourself alive. Laughter fills the room and the professor goes back to the syllabus as you find a seat towards the back of the classroom. You sit down by yourself and lean back in the seat. Not only was your head absolutely busting from last night, you also had never felt more embarrassment in your entire life. You pull out your laptop and pull up the uploaded syllabus and try to hide yourself within your t-shirt.

“As humans, we think attraction is spontaneous and comes from here,” your professor pauses and points to his chest where his heart would be, “When in fact, that’s not true. Our brains run complex calculations that decide whom we think is attractive. This is what this course is about. The psychology behind gender, sex, and even the ideals of soulmates are all very much correlated in this course,” your ears drown out his talking once the ’S’ word is mentioned—no, not sex, but soulmate.

Soulmates—self explanatory but usually not discussed out in the open like this. Some people believed in them, others didn’t. Growing up, you had always heard about soulmates and their stories—your parents managing to bring it up at least once a week. It’s said that one will receive a name by 18. At 13, you and your older sister decided that it was all bogus as you had many crushes on boys growing up. You could like someone but that didn’t mean you were soulmates though. Your sister quickly flipped her stance about soulmates when she was 17, you 15, and suddenly a mark showed up on the inside of her finger. Not just any mark—but a name. With the name engraved in her skin like a tattoo and only a few months after that, she had met her match.

You on the other hand remained nameless for the rest of high school. You waited and waited for a name to show up by the age of 18—but it never did. You felt alone and like a glitch. At 19, you decided you weren’t going to sit around and wait for a soulmate. Besides, you were young—since when did you have to find your life partner so soon?

Now at 21, nearing 22, you were still nameless. Did it bother you? You were indifferent. You felt lucky to be able to experience college without being tied down to something serious but now as graduation was coming faster than ever and it seemed like everyone around you was finding their other half—worry did sink into your skin sometimes.

“You,” someone snaps you from your reverie and you think the professor has called you again until you see a two guys sitting two rows back from you, one of them pointing at you.

You point at yourself wondering if he’s got the right girl. As you look around the class, everyone is shuffling around to what seems to be small groups. Had you zoned out that bad? You look back at the two guys and gather your belongings before heading their way.

“Uh, hi?” You say awkwardly as you shuffle towards them.

“Told you she’d come,” one guys nudges the other one with a smirk, “Wanna be in our group?”

“Group?” You look back to the front of the classroom and see a slide displayed “FINAL PROJECT” shining bright. “Yeah, sure whatever,” you sit down beside of the chatty male before he finally introduces himself.

“I’m Namjoon,” he smiles.

“Y/N,” you reply looking at the other guy who has stayed silent this whole interaction.

“This is Jungkook,” Namjoon says and Jungkook looks at you offering a weak smile.

“Hey,” he says simply. Jungkook has pretty eyes, round and doe-like, innocent yet inviting. You catch yourself noticing the ink lining his forearms and knuckles.

You take a seat beside of Namjoon and focus your attention back to the board. Your professor explains each group has a variety of topics to choose from and present to him later at the end of the semester. As much as you weren’t in the mood for much talking, you were thankful this Namjoon and Jungkook guy asked you to be in their group because you’re not sure you would have had the courage to ask anyone else.

Lecture ends with an online syllabus quiz due at the end of the week and you quickly gather your things to leave.

“Um,” you start before you get ready to leave, “here's my number. Just text whenever you want to get started,” you slip the piece of paper to Namjoon. Your eyes meet Jungkook’s again and something stirs deep within your stomach. Namjoon’s voice breaks your gaze.

“Alright, sounds good. Nice to me you.”

“You guys too.” And then you’re off to your next class, hoping you won’t cause as much attention in that one.

.

“Jesus Christ,” you exhale deeply, lying down on Taehyung’s bed. He eyes you from his desk.

“Rough first day?” He inquires, swirling back and forth in his chair.

“You have no idea Tae,” you groan rolling over to look at him. “I should have known this day would be shit the second I slept through my alarm.”

He gives you a small smile, “At least it’s over now. You got much homework?”

You shake your head, “No thank god.”

“Do you want to grab dinner with Jimin and I then?”

Your stomach growls loudly at the idea of food. You don’t even say anything and you don’t need to. Taehyung gives you a laugh before slipping on his ridiculously ugly fur-lined Gucci mules. You stand up from his bed, straightening out your giant t-shirt and running shorts. Yours and Taehyung’s fashion clashed tremendously, but that’s what made you guys—well you.

You and Taehyung meet Jimin at a Thai place downtown. It’s cheap and delicious and a bowl of pad-thai to sooth your brain after today sounded heavenly. Jimin is standing outside, wearing a put together yet sporty outfit. He smiles when he sees the two of you approaching.

“Hey guys!” Jimin smiles widely, leaning over to give you a tight squeeze. He pulls away and gives Taehyung an even bigger hug, the two of them pecking each other on the lips quickly. You watch the two soulmates in awe. As much as you wanted to believe the soulmate thing was bullshit—these two were living proof that it works. And deep down, it hurts.

The three of you order your food and lean back into your chair across from the two lovers as they converse about their day.

“What about you Y/N? Did you have a good first day?” Jimin asks. He’s got to the be the most considerate person you’ve ever met.

“Are you sure you want to hear her spiel?” Taehyung mutters sarcastically and you poke your tongue out at him.

“It was horrible Jimin,” you pout, “First, I slept through my alarm which I never do, was hungover as sit so I needed some coffee and then I got my iced coffee that was five dollars and then dropped it everywhere—“

“Wait, you were running late and still got coffee?” Jimin raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah?” You say in a duh-like tone. Jimin and Taehyung laugh at your before you continue.

“Then I walked into my first class and the fucking professor had the audacity to call me the first day straggler! How awful is that?!”

“I mean it’s true,” Taehyung grins and you flip him off.

“Not. The. Point,” you offer dramatically, “And then all of a sudden these two guys are calling me over to be in their group for a project and they’re both extremely cute although one talked way too much and one didn’t talk at all—“ “Which one was cuter?” Jimin asks curiously. Taehyung swats at his arm.

“The quiet one,” you admit, “At least to me. And then after that, I went to my last class and that went smoothly. However it started going downhill again when I went and grabbed lunch and I got a salad from East—“ “Oh no,” Jimin groans, “East dining hall? Y/N you know that place is whack.”

“I know that but I was hungry! And then I ate my salad and then while I was driving back to my apartment I literally almost shit myself.”

The three of you begin to laugh at how ridiculous your day actually was.

“I mean what kind of fucking luck is that?!”

“You’ve definitely had better days for sure…” Taehyung says eying you from across the table, “I mean look at that outfit and hair,” he tsks.

“Hey! Fuck you,” you pick up your straw wrapper and throw it at him across from you. He’s laughing just as your food arrives. It looks and even smells better, the three of you immediately digging in.

The three of you continue small chatter amongst yourselves, Jimin and Taehyunf being too cute and in love for their own good. You are in the middle of slurping your noodles when your nearly choke on your food when a new, but familiar face walks into the restaurant. The Jungkook guy from your class. And he’s not alone as a girl who is extremely pretty trails in behind of him.

“What are you looking at?” Taehyung asks and he turns over his shoulder to follow your line of sight. “Who is that cutie?” He then says. Jimin agrees.

“It’s the guy from my class,” you whisper, hoping he doesn’t spot you. “The quiet one,” you specify. Jimin smirks before nudging Taehyung.

“You’re right,” Taehyung says looking back at you. For some reason, despite not knowing anything about Jungkook but his name, you dislike the way the random girl is looking at him. It doesn’t settle well in your stomach.

“Guess he has a soulmate,” you say slightly disappointed staring into your food.

Jimin speaks up, “No he doesn’t.”

You and Taehyung furrow your eyebrows at him.

“Are you guys forgetting soulmates is literally what I’m doing my thesis on? I can spot them when I see them,” he says keeping his voice low, “That’s not his soulmate, trust me.”

“…Right,” you hesitate. You glance back towards Jungkook and his date to find that they have been seated elsewhere in the restaurant. You bite your lip, stirring your noodles around, the weird feeling you felt when you first spotted Jungkook still deep rooted in your stomach. You don’t mention Jungkook again the entire night, only sparing glances around the restaurant to get another look at him. You come up short.

.

Your first week back at school is nearly over as Friday approaches faster than ever. Thankfully, unlike your first day shambles, the rest of your week went fairly smooth. You’ve managed to get ahead in most of your classes already and you can’t wait for the afternoon nap you’re gifting yourself later today.

Ever since Monday, you have decided to sit beside Namjoon and Jungkook in your psychology lecture now. They were easy to talk to, albeit Jungkook still quite shy, but being with your final project group was convenient. Speaking of Jungkook—he was no where to be seen today.

“Where’s your friend?” You inquire as you sit beside Namjoon. Normally Jungkook is right beside of him as the two of them always get to class earlier than you.

Namjoon shrugs, “I don’t know, he didn’t answer any of my texts this morning.”

You brush it off as your jackass of a professor begins his lecture. Your first official lecture of the semester is on the basis of the human brain and it’s connection to relationships. You nearly roll your eyes out of your head, how fun. Ten or so minutes go back of you typing up notes trying to keep up with him until rummaging disrupts your thoughts.

You glance to your left and spot Jungkook coming in late, his hair underneath a baseball cap, keeping his eyes down as he makes his way over to you and Namjoon. You inwardly wish the professor would call him out on his tardiness but of course, that doesn’t happen. Maybe your professor is a jackass and a sexist?

“Look who is late today,” You whisper as he sits down beside you. His brown eyes give you a glance before nodding to Namjoon.

“Sorry,” he gives you a soft smile, “Today has not been my day,” he briefly explains.

You raise your eyebrows as him, but decide against questioning him.

“I get it,” you respond.

“Hey! You in back,” your professor is suddenly stopping his lecture and pointing his finger towards you. Oh for fucks sake. “If you’re going to talk in my class, don’t bothering coming as I post the lecture slides online afterwards.”

You feel embarrassment taking over your body as Namjoon to your right is snickering at you and Jungkook on your left is sending you an apologetic stare.

Definitely sexist.

.

The next couple weeks of classes went by in a flash. So far, they were all going well and you liked all your professors—minus Mr. Sexist Jackass for psychology—but other than that, you were having no trouble. You had been able to meet other people and get into study group chats which you knew would help in the next few weeks as your first midterm was quickly approaching.

If there was one thing you were slacking on though, it was your group project for said psychology class. Which is why you texted Namjoon and Jungkook to meet at a coffee place on campus to discuss getting started and what roles you all would take.

“Hey,” Jungkook is the first to arrive and you give him a sweet smile. Within the past two weeks, he had become more open to talking to you and you sensed a blossoming friendship between you and him.

“Hi, how are you?” You ask him as you move your stuff out of the way so he could sit down. He sits across from you, his eyes meeting yours.

“I’m alright,” he says with not much energy taking a gulp from whatever drink he was sipping on. It looked to be an iced americano. “You?”

“Pretty good, although I’m already stressed about exams coming up,” you let your worries slip from you.

Jungkook shakes his head, “I haven’t thought about exams yet,” he says honestly.

You give him a hard stare before saying, “What even is your major? I know Namjoon is pre-med but I don’t think you’ve told me.”

He swallows the rest of his drink, “Sports medicine,” he responds with a straight smile.

“Hm,” you say, “So do you dress up as Sporty Spice for Halloween then?”

He lets out a laugh before nodding, “Yeah, every year.”

You laugh with him and you can’t help but notice how great his smile is. He really is attractive, you can’t deny that.

“Where the fuck is Namjoon?” You groan after your laughter dies out, looking down at your watch.

“Here!” You jump in your seat as Namjoon comes up behind you and you nearly fall out of your seat. Namjoon apologizes quickly about being late before scooting to sit beside you.

“Don’t worry about it,” you shake your head, “So, when do you guys want to start working on our project? I would hate for us to procrastinate and have to cram at the end of the semester.”

Namjoon nods, “I was thinking the same. We need to choose a topic first though… got any ideas?” He takes out a pen and notepad to scribble stuff down. You could tell Namjoon was just as studious as you were… Jungkook on the other hand was definitely more of a “go with the flow” type of student—not necessarily a bad thing though.

“Kook, any ideas?” Namjoon asks and Jungkook shrugs before throwing out there—

“Sex,” He says and you snicker at his suggestion. “What? That’s all the professor talks about, might as well give him something he’s interested in…” Jungkook retaliates.

You glance at Namjoon and he rolls his eyes.

“I get what you’re saying Kook but I think we should be more specific than that,” Namjoon deadpans and you nod agreeing with him. “Y/N?”

“Mmmm,” you hum, “Maybe we could do research on how sex differs between different people?”

Namjoon nods slowly, looking over at Jungkook quickly, “What if looked at how sex affects the body when it comes to soulmates?”

You throat goes dry at Namjoon’s suggestion and you have to compose yourself so you won’t give yourself away. You look over at Jungkook who looks just as uncomfortable as you do and it makes you furrow your eyebrows. Maybe Jimin’s sixth sense was right?

“I mean is there even research for that?” You look at him, your question somewhat patronizing.

“Oh yeah,” he says matter-of-factly, “There’s lots of research on how the body responds when people are intimate with people that aren’t their soulmates.”

You glance at Jungkook again whose eyes are dancing around the room and you’re not even sure he’s tuned into the conversation anymore.

“What do you think Jungkook?” You ask him.

“Sure,” he says, “Whatever will get us the grade.”

“Alright then, let’s meet up again next week after we each do some research,” Namjoon smiles before gathering his things up, “I hate to bounce like this but my tutoring shift starts in ten minutes and those freshman are so gullible I can make twice as much money off of them,” he says before waving you two off, leaving you and Jungkook alone.

“Does he really scam freshman?” You ask, somewhat horrified at his statement. Jungkook lets out a laugh, visibly a lot more comfortable now that the previous conversation has passed.

“Only when then they’re dumb enough,” he responds before he begins to gather his things too, “See in you class?”

You nod once, noticing what seems to be a silver Rolex covering his left wrist. Who the hell has a Rolex in college?

“See you in class.”

. “Well, well look who the cat dragged in?” Jimin smiles at you from behind the bar. Yeah—not only was Jimin currently getting his master’s in psychology, he also bartended on the weekends at one of your local bars.

You give him a smile as Taehyung isn’t far behind you, putting his head on your shoulder to look up at the menu.

“Hi babe,” Jimin smiles and Taehyung returns one, wrapping his arms around your front.

“Hi,” he smiles, visibly much more drunk than you were. “I’m pretending she’s you so don’t get jealous okay?” He slurs.

“Hey!” You fight back looking at Taehyung, “Crazy how people change after you ‘fall in love’,” you air quote yourself with sarcasm.

Taehyung laughs in your ear, “You should try it sometime babe,” under normal circumstances, you would have felt very offended at his remark because he knows your situation but with alcohol running through your veins—you let it slide.

“Can I have two green tea shots?” You ask Jimin and he nods quickly.

“Make it four,” Taehyung orders and Jimin laughs before nodding, heading off to make your shots.

Taehyung finally lets go of your middle and you both settle to lean on the bar whilst your drinks are being made.

“How was your week babe?” Taehyung asks, “Better I presume? You look hot so I’m assuming all is well?” He raises an eyebrow at you.

You gives him a smile, glancing down at your outfit. Your mini-wrap skirt and skin tight tank top was as basic as it could get, but it made you look and feel good about yourself.

“Good as it gets Tae,” you say flinging your hair behind your shoulder. On a scale 1 to 10 of drunkeness, you were probably a good 5 but you knew once Jimin was finished with your shots, you would be closer to a 7 or 8.

“I know I’m going to sound fucking crazy right now but it’s kind of just registering what I said to you about falling in love and I did not mean it like that—“ “Taehyung it’s fine,” you shake your head, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“No,” he shakes his head, “It’s not… I’m sorry I’m just really drunk right now,” he groans almost painfully.

“I know,” you smile at him before noticing Jimin has come back with your shots. “And you’re about to be even more drunk so whatever you say, apologize for it now.”

He looks up at the ceiling closing his eyes, “I’m sorry to whoever for the dumb shit I will say the rest of the evening, amen.”

“He’s religious now?” Jimin asks scooting the glasses over to you two.

“Apparently,” you eye him before taking a glass for you and handing one to Taehyung.

“To… senior year!” Taehyung says loudly over the music and you nod, clinking your glasses together.

“To senior year!” You say before downing the shot in its entirety. “Oh my god Jimin,” you groan, “I will never forgive you for getting me on these.”

“What can I say? If you’re gonna drink might as well enjoy it,” is the last thing he says before checking on another customer beside you and Taehyung.

“Oh god,” Taehyung says after downing his shot, looking over your shoulder.

“What?” You ask him, getting ready to down your second one.

“It’s the quiet one, the cute one,” Taehyung’s words confuse you until you begin to piece them together. Quiet… cute… Jungkook.

You take a glance over your shoulder and you nearly jump out of your skin when you see Jungkook looking right back at you. He gives you a small wave and smile and you do the same. He looks really good—blue jeans a t-shirt with his lovely ink being show. What intrigues you the most though is a 35mm camera hanging around his neck. You don’t recognize any of the people he is with before you turn back around, feeling your cheeks heat up even though no one could see it.

“Jungkook,” you say to Taehyung, “That’s his name.”

As much as you wished Taehyung would stop staring in his direction, you knew he was drunk and fighting him on it wouldn’t get you anywhere.

“Well, I think Jungkook,” Taehyung grabs his second shot, “Is hot as fuck and you should totally make a move,” Taehyung finally looks back at you and downs his liquor without waiting on you. You follow suit, the shot slivering down your throat.

“No,” you shake your head, “I don’t think he’s into me, plus I don’t even know if he has a partner or not.”

“You heard what Jimin said a couple weeks ago,” he retorts.

“How does Jimin know he’s right? I mean it’s not like we as humans have a fucking ‘yeah I have a soulmate’ scent to us like were goddamn dogs or something. I mean as much as I would totally make a move on him, I just don’t think I can do—“

“Uh, Y/N,” Taehyung nudges you from your rant.

“What?” You return harshly. A small smirk rises on his face before he points beside of you. You look to your left and your eyes widen when you see Jungkook coming up behind of you.

“J-Jungkook,” you manage to get out, “Hi.”

He approaches you and Taehyung with a warm smile, “Hey Y/N.” His eyes move to Taehyung and you clear your throat to introduce them.

“Jungkook this is Taehyung, Taehyung… Jungkook,” you smile between the two handsome men.

“Nice you to meet you,” Taehyung smiles widely and Jungkook nods.

“What are you doing out tonight?” You ask Jungkook and he steps closer to you as someone pushes past him.

“Trying to relieve some stress,” he answers with a laugh, “Can I get you a drink?” He scratches the back of his head, glancing over at Taehyung again.

“Oh, are you sure?” You ask him before he nods again. You give him a smile, “Alright, whatever you’re having I’ll have.”

“Jimin!” You yell over the music to get his attention. He stops drying a glass and immediately comes to you, his eyes falling on the companion behind of you.

“Can I get two Michelob's?” Jungkook says and you can feel his chest pressing into your back as the overwhelming amount of people pushing and pulling in the bar.

Jimin nods before quickly going into the cooler, popping the tops from the bottle and sliding them over to you.

“Thanks,” you both say grabbing them.

“Thank you,” you turn around to Jungkook and in this position, you underestimated how close you actually are to him. Chest to chest and his head towers over as he looks down at you with a smile.

“No problem,” he says, “Do you wanna go outside? Get some air and more space?”

It’s like he read your mind. “Yeah, sure.”

You tap Taehyung on the shoulder to get his attention from Jimin.

“I’m going outside, I’ll text you if I can’t find you again.”

He nods slowly, “I’ll be right here babe,” he sends you a wink before turning back around.

Jungkook’s eyes lay on Taehyung’s back a little longer than you would like. What’s he thinking right now? Without any warning, Jungkook grabs your hand gently and starts pulling you away from the crowded bar. You aren’t exactly sober right now and you can only hope that your hand isn’t sweating as much as you think it is. Jungkook leads you out to the deck that’s also crowded and loud, but leaves a lot more room to breathe.

You lean against the railing and Jungkook does the same across from you, just mere inches separating the two of you.

“Are you here with just Taehyung?” He asks you taking a sip of his beer. You follow suit. Thank god he ordered Michelob—a man with taste.

You nod, “Yeah… he wanted to go out more than I did but, here we are,” you try to make a joke at your drunkeness but fail miserably. Jungkook gives you a short lived smile.

“So… are you two like, together?” Jungkook says his words slowly, not wanting to say or imply the wrong thing. Your eyes nearly pop out of your head after he asks his question.

You start to laugh, having to cover your mouth so you don’t cackle loud enough to draw attention. Jungkook looks confused before you say—

“Taehyung’s gay,” you explain after your laughter dies down, “His partner is the bartender Jimin.”

Jungkook’s face falls and his doe eyes bulge out of his head. “Holy shit I didn’t know, I didn’t mean—“

“Jungkook it’s fine,” you wave him off, “You’re not the first person to ever ask if Tae and I are a thing. As much as I wish the universe was that nice to me to give me a man like Taehyung but no,” you smile although deep down it does hurt. You grew up with Taehyung hoping he would be your soulmate and when Jimin’s name appeared on the inside of his pinky, that dream bursted real fast.

“What about you?” You ask him. Now’s your chance. It’s got to be the alcohol that’s making this conversation easy as cake because normally, talk of this nature would not be spoken in public with this many people around.

Jungkook rolls his tongue in his cheek and you swear your heart skips a beat. He starts to shake his head, “No I just got out of a relationship.”

“Oh,” your face falls. So was he with a girlfriend at dinner a few weeks back?

“Yeah I guess the universe hates me too,” he says nonchalantly and the air suddenly feels thick with tension. So he didn’t have a soulmate? Nor did you? What were the odds?

“I hate to sound weird or creepy but,” you pause, unsure if you wanted to ask but internally you say fuck it. “I saw you a few weeks ago at the Thai place downtown with a girl, so that’s why I asked.”

Jungkook’s eyes are hard to read as he gulps his beer. You’re not sure he’s that drunk but if he is, he’s great at hiding it.

“Yeah… that was her,” he nods, “But like I said the universe is cruel and decide to give her a name after a couple months of dating,” he scoffs and almost seems angry—which I guess he has a right to be.

“Oh shit,” you mumble, “I’m sorry,” you offer.

He shakes his head, “It’s fine, what can I do about it now you know?”

You nod slowly, “Look forward to the future? Who knows what might happen.”

“You’re right,” he smiles tenderly, “To the future?” He raises his bottle.

“To the future,” you smile clinking the glass together.

“So who are you here with?” You ask him.

“Just my roommates, Yugyeom and Mingyu,” he explains while licking his lips and your heart skips a beat again.

“You don’t strike me as the type that gets out much you know,” you push a finger into his chest, narrowing your eyesight. 1 to 10 on the drunk scale? An 8 or 9 at the moment.

“Why’s that?” He amuses.

“Jeon, you barely spoke to me the first two weeks of class. I thought you were fucking mute.”

He suddenly steps closer to you and it forces you to drop your finger.

“I’m shy okay?” He says with a pout. “I’m good now though? Right?” You swear his eyes are like a damn puppy dog looking at you like that. Your throat goes dry before you nod.

“For the most part I guess,” you offer weakly batting your eyelashes at him. You glance down his body quickly and notice the way his light blue jeans hug his tiny waist and thick thighs deliciously. Jesus fucking Christ.

“What this all about?” you point to his camera that’s dangling between his pecs. You needed to get your mind back to PG and fast.

He smiles lightly, “My hobby,” he says simply, “I like to take pictures for memories sake.”

“Memories sake,” you repeat, “So do you take it with you everywhere then?”

“Only if I think something interesting might happen that needs to be captured,” he shrugs. God he was so attractive and the longer you stared at him, the faster you were falling down a hole.

“What have you captured tonight then?”

“Nothing much really,” he glances down your front quickly and he thinks you don’t notice until you smirk at him.

“Take a picture of me,” you tilt your head with a smile, “I’m a treasure that should be captured, don’t ya think?” the alcohol was getting to you bad. When Jungkook laughs at you, you swear you saw two faces and you knew you needed to sober the fuck up.

“Alright, fine,” he says, stepping away from you to adjust his lens for the lighting. You lean onto the railing with you elbow, giving him a smile when you look towards his camera. He snaps the picture twice and the flash momentarily blinds you. He looks back at his view finder and you step to him to see it.

“See, a treasure,” you say.

He nods slowly before looking down at you, “Definitely.”

You feel yourself stepping closer to him, leaning up to get a full view of his face. You bite your lip as he leans down, your noses brushing together before you step back.

“Wait… so you don’t have a soulmate?” You keep your voice low and hesitant.

He shakes his head, “No,” he says, “See.” He shows his wrists and in between his fingers and nothing. You do the same for him, moving your bracelets and watch back. He gives you a small smirk before leaning down to close the gap between the two of you. You inhale his clean scent as you push up on your toes to deepen the kiss. With your hand that isn’t occupied you bring it to the side of his face to caress his skin. His lips are so fucking soft and you whine as he pulls away.

“I would ask you to go home with me but I think you’re too drunk,” he says honestly and you furrow your eyebrows at him with a sad pout.

“Hey I’m fine,” you defend yourself.

“I just don’t want you to think I’m that type of guy,” he says, “I’m pretty far from that.”

His words are sweet and considerate and you’re not sure any guy you have met that would be in this position to not jump straight into your pants. As much as you wouldn’t mind Jungkook to do that—you could see where he was coming from. Besides, you were really drunk and really tired so you probably wouldn’t even get off which would defeat the purpose of getting laid.

“Jungkook I know, I can see that,” you tell him before you bite your lip again, “But I am a great cuddlier if that has any weight?”

A large smile falls on his lips and his nose scrunches up from giggling. “Alright, you’re the big spoon though,” he deadpans.

You roll your eyes, “We’ll see about that.” Jungkook smirks before grabbing your hand for both of you to close out your tabs and head to his place.

.

You wake up the next morning in an unfamiliar, but quite comfortable bed. You blink your eyes slowly to let light in and you stretch your feet our from your fetal position. Once your vision focuses you see that you’re alone underneath a grey duvet and you nearly freak out until you quickly remember your previous evening.

You had got to Jungkook’s place around 12:30 AM and aside from light making out, nothing extreme happened between you two as Jungkook insisted on being sober before going there. He obviously lost the argument about who was going to be the big and little spoon as you both fell asleep comfortably with his arms around your front. Speaking of—where was he?

You push the covers from your body and see you’re dressed in an oversized t-shirt, your clothes neatly folded on his dresser. You memory is slightly fuzzy, unsure if you changed your clothes yourself or if Jungkook dressed you. Heat rushes to you face at the thought. Damn, you hoped you hadn’t seemed desperate but when you were drunk—that tended to happen. Although not as much anymore as random hookups slowed down the older you got as most people were linking up with their destined lovers.

Fuck—you think, you had nearly forgotten perhaps the biggest detail of last night. Jungkook didn’t have a soulmate. The thought made you giddy on the inside. Maybe he was just as fucked up as you were.

You’re about to leave Jungkook’s room until he suddenly appears in the doorway.

“Oh, hey I was just coming to see if you were up,” he gives you a soft smile and you have to scramble your eyes away from his heavily built chest and torso. You find that he has tattoos all the way up his knuckles to his shoulder. Fuck.

“I just woke up,” you mumble stepping towards the door.

“I made some breakfast,” he says reaching towards your hand gently, “I have some medicine too if you’re hungover.”

You smile at him as he pulls you to him to walk you down the short hallway to his kitchen. It smelt of bacon, eggs, and toast—just what you needed.

“Thanks,” you say gratefully as you take a seat on one of his barstools. He slides a plate over to you as well as a bottle of Advil. “You already ate?” You ask him as you begin to dive into the food that will surely settle your rumbling stomach.

“Sorry,” he laughs, “I woke up awhile ago and went for a run so I had to eat.”

You swat your hand not caring, “It’s fine—wait, what time is it?” Your eyes bulge.

He looks at his silver watch, “Almost noon,” he says, his eyes not looking at tired as he probably is.

“Noon?!” You say with a mouthful of bread, “What the hell I never this sleep this late…” you say after swallowing.

“You drank a lot last night Y/N,” he laughs at you and you give him your middle finger. He rests on his hands across from you in the kitchen and you can’t help but notice the veins in his arms. Was the universe really being this good to you? After all this time, giving you access to someone who is this fine and who doesn’t have a partner? You almost couldn’t believe it.

“Sorry if I was annoying, or needy, or anything like that,” you say somewhat embarrassed that Jungkook had to deal with you even though neither of you know each other that well.

His eyes soften, “It’s fine. You were funny.”  

You’ve devoured your plate of food and you hop down from the barstool to clean your plate. Since he cooked, the least you could was put away your mess.

“Oh I’m hilarious,” you give him a snide look before you bump him with your hip to scoot him over so you can wash your plate. He obliges whilst watching your every move. Jungkook seeing you in one of his favorite t-shirts is driving him delirious.

“But seriously though,” your voice cuts his inappropriate train of thought, “If I said anything incriminating, don’t tell anyone,” you give him a side look as you dry your plate. Jungkook laughs before a smirk appears on his face.

“I quite enjoyed your rambling,” he steps closer to you as you turn to look up at him. “It was very… what’s the word… suggestive,” he looks off as if he’s running deep thoughts.

You roll your eyes—yup, definitely horny and needy words were said. Feeling somewhat brave—maybe it was because you weren’t really hungover and the fact that Jungkook is standing there like that in front of you—you step towards him so your chests are touching.

“Maybe you should remind me what I said one day then?” You whisper only so he can hear. He chuckles through his nose before placing one of his hands on your back to pull you flush against him.

“Why not right now?” He says, his nose dipping to touch yours. His eyes are soft but carry a darkness to them you can’t quite read. You give him a small nod before you move your head to place your lips on his. Your mouths mold together like putty slowly before he slips his tongue into your mouth to tease you.  

You pull away quickly, “Wait, don’t you have roommates?” You whisper again looking around the quiet apartment. You noticed how clean it was to be housed by 3 men in their early twenties.

“They’re asleep,” he says, caressing your lower back, his hand begging to go to your ass but he restrains himself. “So you’ll have to be quiet, unlike last night,” he raises an eyebrow at you.

“Challenge accepted,” you grab his face to pull him back down to you to connect your lips once more.

His hands grapple your waist desperately to pull you flush against him. He smells like laundry and cotton, the scent driving you mad. As Jungkook realizes that the two of you are still in his kitchen and Yugyeom or Mingyu could easily come out of their rooms any moment, he pulls away from you and you follow him back into his room. He wastes no time shutting his door and pushing you against it.

You felt yourself growing dizzier by the second as he continued to kiss you with a gentle force that you’ve never experienced before. He was probably the best kisser you’ve ever kissed.  You could tell he wanted to touch you and you wanted him to touch you so you began to trace your hands up his sculpted back and pushing your hips out towards him.

Jungkook now having your permission, one of his hands trail up your thigh to push his t-shirt away from your backside, his large hand massaging the skin carefully and calculated. Suddenly you found his lips on your neck as he pushes your body further into his door.

“Jungkook,” you groaned quietly as he nipped at the sensitive skin. He pulls your thigh up against his leg and you nearly let out a moan when you feel his hardening cock press into your center.

“Fuck,” you breathe out as you let out an experimental roll of your hips against his. Jungkook pulls back with a short chuckle before kissing your lips gently again.

“Quiet,” he laughs again and you push his chest away from yours to get him to sit on the edge of his bed. You crawl onto his lap, straddling his tiny waist and thick thighs. You continued to kiss like no tomorrow before you placed your palm over his center.

“Shit,” he groans into your mouth as you palm him slowly and torturously. “Y/N, wait, are you sure?”  

You pull your hand back and stare down at him with hazy eyes. You nod frantically, “Yes, are you?”

“God yes,” he breathes out and in one smooth motion, he flips you two over with him standing in between your legs. He begins to take his shirt from your body and you happily help him and his eyes immediately go to your breasts, your nipples taut for him.

He kisses you again before kissing down your neck and then down over your boobs, his tongue swirling and his teeth nipping at all the right places. Jungkook finds himself on his knees, right in front of where you need each other most. He spreads your legs a little more before he goes right in to kiss your center over your underwear. Your head falls back as you rest on your hands watching him bite his lip in excitement. You’d never had a guy go down on your the first hookup—you thought you could be in love right now.

His brown eyes glance at you briefly before you nod for him to make sure what he was going was okay. He fingers pull at your underwear and you lift your hips to help him drag the material down your legs. He grabs your hips and pulls your towards him, his mouth going straight to work on you.

You shut your eyes at the feeling unable to keep them open as he laps up and down your slit. He kisses you with hunger and when he finds your clit, the moan that escapes your mouth is loud and embarrassing.

“Oh god, Jungkook,” he smirks against your pussy before continuing to lap at your sensitive bud, his fingers now teasing your entrance.

He slips in one finger, pumping it slowly before entering a second—stretching you just how you need. You fall back on your elbows and your toes curl when you feel an orgasm close approaching.

“Fuck, fuck,” your hips raise as he focuses on your clit, his eyes never leaving your face. He can tell you’re about to come and he’d be damned if he didn’t bring you there. Two more kitten licks send you over the edge and you climax hard having to bite your lip so you don’t make much noise.

Jungkook licks his lips as he comes back to you to kiss you. You welcome him with open arms and you pull him on top of you. You needed him now and the issue in his pants showed he wanted you just as much. You help him push down his sweats and boxers and when you first get sight of his dick, your mouth nearly drops. Okay—the universe was definitely helping you out right now.

You reach down between you, wrapping your hands around his girth to fully harden him. He sucks in a deep breath when you pull and tug at his sensitive skin. You take his pre cum on your thumb and rub it around to make the slip easier. His forehead falls against your shoulder as you continue to jerk him off. His breathing increases as each pull comes from your hand and he’ quickly pushing your hand away.

“I wanna be inside you baby,” he says and it sends a shockwave through your core.

Jungkook finds a condom from his side table and rolls it on quickly. He positions himself between you, his nose brushing against yours as he pecks your lips.

“Ready?” He asks you as he guides his tip into you. Both of your mouths fall agape, a small whine coming from Jungkook’s throat as he pushes deeper into you. “Fuck—Y/N, you’re so tight.”

You lift your hips to help him get as deep as possible and when he bottoms out, you’re unsure if you’ve ever felt this full your entire life. His forehead falls against your shoulder once more and he kisses your exposed skin gently as he starts to slowly thrust in and out of you.

He feels more than amazing and your whole body feels on fire.

“Jungkook,” you breathe out as you wrap your legs around his back, “Faster, please.” You don’t care about sounding desperate.

He sits up on his elbows and obeys, snapping his hips against you harder and quicker. You hold onto his cheeks, your fingertips pulling at his hair and neither of you can be quiet now.

“Shit,” he marvels at the way he disappears inside of you, your cunt squeezing around him so he won’t leave.

“Jungkook—ah,” he hits your deepest spot in you and he sticks his thumb in your mouth to bite down on to shut you up. His other fingers grip the side of your neck and you feel like you could pass out from his ministrations.

“I’m not gonna last much longer,” he whispers in your ear and you nod pulling his face down to you, snapping your hips to meet up with his. You found yourself clenching around his cock as Jungkook’s breaths get shakier and shakier. “Fuck Y/N.”

“Don’t stop,” you managed to get out as he hammered you into his mattress, hitting your g-spot perfectly—another orgasm quickly coming into your system. Jungkook’s face was contorted and tortured as he chased his high deep inside of you. “Come on Jungkook,” you whisper beside his ear and he lifts his head up, crashing his lips onto yours.

Between your desperate attempts to be quiet and Jungkook’s relentless pace, you come again around his cock fast and hard, pulsating around him in spurts.

“Ah—fuck,” Jungkook’s hips ram into yours deeply as he finally finds his release. He collapses on top of your frame, his elbows the only thing holding him up. He pulls himself out of you a moment later, but he doesn’t move his body from above you.

Both of you are breathing heavy, it being the only sound radiating in the room. You caress  the right side of his face, pushing his bangs away from his forehead. He leans into your touch with a small smile before kissing your wrist gently. He then rolls his body from yours, discarding of his condom quickly.

You both turn to each other as Jungkook throws an arm lazily around your waist.

“Are you even real?” His deep voice suddenly says with his eyes closed. You give him a sheepish smile as he opens his eyes.

“The universe is fucking funny huh?” You say and Jungkook laughs deep within his chest.

“Very funny,” he mumbles before watching your face intently.

“Now what?” You ask obliviously. Sure, you had your hookups on and off before but with Jungkook—something felt different—in a good way. Like he wasn’t supposed to be a hookup—but something more.

He shrugs, “Whatever you wanna be.”

You bite your lip hesitating before saying, “I know you just got out of a relationship so I don’t want you to feel rushed or anything.”

“It’s fine Y/N,” he gives you a small smile, “I’m fine with whatever you’re fine with. As long as you don’t break my heart.”

You laugh, swatting at his chest playfully, “You mean as long as you don’t break my heart.”

He smirks, “Deal.”

.

You meet with Namjoon and Jungkook the following week to begin working on your project. You three decided on meeting in the library after all of your classes were over for the day to keep it convenient. You and Jungkook finished around the same time and ended up grabbing some food before heading out to the library. It had not been that long since you and Jungkook hooked up and you two began to text and Snapchat each other everyday. Your friendship with Jungkook hadn’t changed in any way as you two didn’t officially have a label yet, but now one look at him sent you weak to the knees.  

“You guys seriously couldn’t wait for me to get food?!” Namjoon shows up on the second floor of the library around 6:25 PM. You and Jungkook laugh at him as he sits down. He looks exhausted.

“Rough day?” You ask him as he sits down from across from you and Jungkook.

He lets out a deep sigh, “Have you ever amputated a finger before?”

You and Jungkook give each other an odd glance before scrunching your nose, “No, what the fuck?” Jungkook mutters.

Namjoon gives you a straight smile, “Well how about 4 fingers? That was my day summed up and I still think I’m queasy,” he shakes his head slowly.

You furrow your eyebrows at him, “Joon, don’t you wanna be a doctor?”

“Family medicine, not surgery or anything gross like that,” he explains and that makes much more sense—though I’m sure Namjoon knows medical school has a lot more than family medicine waiting for him.

“Gotcha,” you pull up the documents you have saved for your research on your computer. Under the table, Jungkook nudges your knee with his and you have to fight the urge to smile.

Namjoon watches, the two of you oblivious.

“You look happy,” he says. Jungkook looks up from his phone and you from your screen.

“Who?” You and Jungkook same at the same time.

Namjoon narrows his eyes, “Both of you… strange,” he licks his lips pondering on his words.

You glance at Jungkook before turning back to your screen, not wanting to be caught in his stare.

“Am I not allowed to be in a good mood?” Jungkook laughs sarcastically.

You bite your lip trying to suppress your smile. Sure, you and Jungkook had hooked up once or twice now and you two were slowly getting to know each other more everyday—but you swore the butterflies in your stomach told you something was special about him.

“I mean, you’re just always so quiet… and—hey why are you laughing?” Namjoon looks at you with a serious expression.

“I’m not laughing,” you say, biting the inside of your cheek.

“Yeah Y/N, quit laughing,” Jungkook says, nudging your leg under the table again.

“God I’m gonna get queasy again,” Namjoon’s face contorts, his eyes darting between the two of you, “Since when do you two flirt with each other? In front of me?”

Once again, you keep your eyes away from Jungkook, “We’re not flirting,” you say monotonously.

Namjoon looks at Jungkook since you refuse to meet anyone’s gaze. Namjoon raises his  eyebrows at his friend curiously, an unspoken language going between them. Jungkook smirks before giving you one last glance before he says—

“Y/N and I hooked up.”

Your eyes widen instantly at Jungkook’s words and you whip your head to turn towards him.

“Jungkook what the fuck! I thought we weren’t gonna tell anyone!” Your words give away to Namjoon that Jungkook wasn’t bluffing.

Jungkook’s eyes soften looking at you, “Come on, his crazy ass was onto us anyways,” he motions towards Namjoon.

“Yeah, uh huh. I knew something was off when Jungkook’s ears kept going red every time he looked at you,” Namjoon slowly starts to smile, “How disgusting is that.”

You flip him off, “Well, don’t tell anyone.”  

“So,” Namjoon pauses, “You guys aren’t…?” He trails his question off and both of you know what he wants to say. Soulmates.

Slowly, you both shake your head. Namjoon is slightly confused himself. Normally by 18 years old people have their other half assigned to them—him included. His partner’s name appeared on the inside of his palm when he was 15. But you and Jungkook were almost 22?

“Do you guys have one? That you just haven’t met yet?” Namjoon keeps his question low.

Again, you both shake your heads. Wow, Namjoon thinks. An idea suddenly pops into his head.

“Wait so—I have an idea,” Namjoon’s eyes light up.

“Oh god,” Jungkook mumbles.

“So if you guys don’t have partners and you two keep… doing it,” he pauses with a laugh, “Couldn’t we use your experience in our project?”

It takes a few moments for Namjoon’s words to register as your mouth falls agape. Jungkook pinches the bridge of his nose, unsure if he heard Namjoon correctly.

“Hyung, didn’t you just hear her say not to tell anyone?” Jungkook deadpans.

“I mean we don’t have to specify names,” Namjoon quickly elaborates, “I mean you guys did some research right? You’ve read all the horrible stuff that happens to people who go against nature.”

Yeah, you did read about that stuff and it absolutely terrified you. But even after hooking up with Jungkook and other suitors in your life—nothing bad had happened to you, so if anything, this research exists to only frighten people.

“Namjoon, I get what you’re saying but—I don’t know, we might not even hook up again,” you laugh waving your hand off.

“Wait, why not?” Jungkook’s voice suddenly goes to a higher pitch, his eyes looking at you quickly. Namjoon chuckles at the exchange. Namjoon had known Jungkook a long time and he’s never seen him want this much validation from a female—ever.

“I mean,” you pause looking at the dark haired boy beside you, “I didn’t know if—“

“Yeah yeah, work out this shit later,” Namjoon interrupts, “But I don’t know, just something to keep in mind over the rest of the semester.”

With that, the conversation ended and the three of you managed to begin typing up your report. Occasionally, you would bump Jungkook’s knee here and there just to see his reaction. He would smile although not sparing a glance at you. By the end of your study session, all three of you got a good start on the project and Jungkook’s hand rested on your thigh the whole night and you knew it didn’t belong anywhere else.

.

Weeks later, yours and Jungkook’s relationship became slightly more complicated. While you two managed to stay cordial in class and hide whatever the hell was going on between you two—once you two were alone, all bets were fucking off. Jungkook would come to your place or you would go to his when his roommates were out and he would fuck you into the mattress until you were nearly screaming. It was good—he was good—and quickly you felt yourself starting to catch feelings for him. You knew that was dangerous territory considering a name might pop up on your body any day, so as hard as it was, you repressed your feelings for him. You were unsure of how Jungkook felt. As better as he was at talking now and he did trust you, he wasn’t one for deep talk unless he had a few glasses of wine in his system. You were fine with that though, knowing it was probably for the better.

You had thought everything was going good—Jungkook, classes, exams, your project, keeping up with Taehyung and Jimin—until it all came crashing down one afternoon at your apartment.

It was a Friday afternoon and you had invited Jungkook over to… well… get your brains fucked out. You like to think you are a smart girl but today, you were being a grade ass dumbass because you had completely forgotten about your lunch date with Taehyung and Jimin.

Normally, Taehyung wouldn’t have cared if you had missed one day with him but as your best friend of years and years—he noticed something had been off with you lately. Slightly more… flakey than normal. Jimin noticed it too. So when Taehyung found himself outside of your apartment that Friday afternoon, what he saw—shook him to his core.

You and Jungkook had just gotten out of the shower after going at it like bunnies for a good hour. He couldn’t keep his hands off of you, placing his lips around yours and down your neck, leaving barely there marks behind of your ears.

“Jungkook—stop,” you push his bare chest away as you heard someone knocking on your door. He gives you a shit-eating grin, staying back in the hallway as you go to the door, holding the towel up around your body tight.

You open the door and your face fell instantly. Fuck.

“Taehyung? Jimin?” Your voice shakes, “W-what are you doing here?”

Without any warning Taehyung and Jimin step into your apartment and you begin to panic.

“What the hell Y/N, you’ve bailed on us without explanation three times now!” Taehyung says dramatically, “I mean damn I know Jimin and I are disgusting sometimes but the least you can do is give a heads—what’s that?” Taehyung’s eyes land on your neck and you step away from him, holding your towel closer to you.

“N-nothing,” you stutter. “I’m s-sorry I forgot about lunch, I’ve been really busy lately,” your excuse is lame, but you have nothing else.

“Busy?” Taehyung says eyeing you up and down, “I can see that.”

“Y/N hey where is—“ your eyes roll into the back of your head as Jungkook enters your living room at just the wrong time. No, he didn’t know it was Taehyung and Jimin, but it still doesn’t make you happy. Especially since he’s just wearing sweatpants, his hair wet like yours, compromising your secret.

“Whoa,” Jimin suddenly laughs looking at the scene. “This the quiet one?” He points over at Jungkook. Jungkook pouts—what are they talking about?—he thinks to himself.

“Holy shit Y/N what are you doing?” Taehyung doesn’t seem as enthusiastic. He looks over at Jungkook and you swear you see Taehyung salivate inside his mouth, “I mean I get why you’re doing it but, c’mon isn’t this risky?”

“I know you’re probably confused,” you bite your lip nervously. “I shouldn’t have kept this from you.”

“Yeah no shit,” he genuinely seems angry, an emotion not common to him. “We’re best friends Y/N.”

“Tae, c’mon it’s really none of our business,” Jimin steps in trying to help you out.

“It is too my business when he could potentially hurt her,” Taehyung crosses his arms. Jungkook seems taken aback by his comment and he steps towards you from behind.

“I mean I like her,” Jungkook’s voice quickly speaks up, startling you from behind. You turn your body to look at him, his eyes meeting yours.

“You do?” Your voice comes out in a squeak, a smile spreading on your face like a wildfire.

“You do?” Taehyung asks this time, looking between you two. He looks at his partner Jimin who specializes in this stuff. Jimin nods at Taehyung for reassurance.

“Yeah, a lot actually,” Jungkook steps closer to you, throwing an arm around your shoulder to pull you close to his chest. You try to hide your embarrassingly huge smile.

Taehyung’s body visibly falters, his eyes going back to his usual soft gaze. Taehyung knew you deserved happiness and if Jungkook made you happy—who was he to stop that?

“I’m sorry again for keeping this from you, it’s just we didn’t want…”

“No I get it,” he nods, “But don’t do that shit again,” he gives you a smile. As warm as Jungkook’s embrace is, you step away and give yourself to Taehyung’s arms.

“You’re the best,” you mumble into his chest.

“Bitch, I know,” his chest rumbles against yours. Jungkook watches you and Taehyung embrace, his heart swelling. Goddamn—maybe he is in a little too deep. At this point, he doesn’t care though. If anything, he wants to make you happy and he’d be damned to let the universe stop that.

.

It was officially Halloween. Nearly three months after you and Jungkook first crossed paths and met, the two of you were also “official”. Neither of you can recall the exact date it happened, but it was not long after Taehyung and Jimin busted you two. You and Jungkook had decided to not tell that many people outside of your inner circle—neither of you wanting to deal with the glares and questions. You didn’t have a name attached on your body and he didn’t either, so what were you guys doing wrong? Nothing. He was yours and you were his and you haven’t been this happy in a long time.

Jungkook, though his Virgo nature being quite selfish sometimes, was always sweet, caring, checking in on you, surprising you with flowers, genuine, and opened up some of his deepest fears to you. You had been on cloud nine for months all because of him. You had probably thanked Namjoon at least six different occasions for dragging you over to meet them way back when. Namjoon was happy for you two—though being as quizzical as he was—he had his concerns, though he never outright voiced them.

Jimin being how he was, had his concerns too. Everyone around you and Jungkook saw how you two were infatuated around each other. Jimin had never seen two people who weren’t soulmates have the connection you two had. It worried him for many reasons, which is why he’s voicing them to Taehyung right now.

“Babe, I don’t know,” Jimin says as him and Taehyung somehow got on the topic of you and Jungkook. “Don’t you think they’re moving really fast?” He questions.

Taehyung looks at his partner, a confused expression crossing his features, “Why do you say that? As long as Y/N is happy, I don’t really care who dicks her down at night, soulmate or not.”

Jimin lets out a laugh before shaking his head, “I mean, in all my case studies I’ve never seen two people like that.”

Taehyung deadpans his boyfriend, “Jimin, you of all people should know that’s not true.”

Jimin nods, immediately understanding where he is coming from. “I know. I’m just worried one of them will get hurt. A name is destined to show up on them eventually.”

Taehyung grinds his teeth, “Y/N has never been one to feed into that stuff so I’m not sure she would care anyways.”

“But she should Tae,” Jimin says, “Jungkook too. I mean there’s serious repercussions to messing with nature.”

“Well they’re fine now, aren’t they?” by Taehyung’s response—Jimin isn’t even sure if he full listening to him. Taehyung being good with numbers and business, he doesn’t fully grasp the concepts of soulmates like Jimin does. For Jimin—it’s his studies, his passion, his life.

“Yeah but—“ Jimin gets cut off by a harsh knock on his apartment door.

“They’re here,” Taehyung smiles walking over to get the door, “Don’t say anything sketch okay?” he warns Jimin as he opens the door.

You nearly fall on your ass as Taehyung opens the door. Jungkook pulls you back with a laugh as you walk into Jimin’s apartment.

“Tae! Chim!” You smile widely, throwing your arms around Taehyung’s neck tightly. You stumble in your heels and Taehyung’s hands steady you, a rumble in his chest.

“Jesus Y/N. How much have you drank already?” He exasperates, glancing over at Jungkook.

“I told her to slow down,” Jungkook puts his hands up in defense. You giggle letting go of your friend to quickly hug Jimin too. “She doesn’t listen to me,” he adds with a laugh.

“I’m fine guys,” you say glancing at Taehyung’s and Jimin’s costumes.”Really? Pirates?”  

“Hey!” Taehyung defends, “How much more cliché could you two get? A doctor and a nurse?!”

You glance over at Jungkook in his scrubs and white coat and down your body. A slutty red and white nurse’s uniform complete with thigh highs hug your figure and you quite liked it, mainly because watching Jungkook shift uncomfortably every time he glanced at you made you feel accomplished.

“Hey, we look hot,” you point at Taehyung’s chest, stumbling backwards again. Jungkook decides to pull you to his side, not wanting you to fall on your ass for real this time.

“Come on babe, slow down,” Jungkook mumbles as he wraps his arms around your front, glancing down your cleavage from behind. You nudge his stomach with your elbow.

“I’m a big girl,” you pout, “So are we going or what?”

“Yeah, just waiting on the address,” Jimin smiles waving his phone in the air.

A few moments pass, chatter between the four of you ensues. You loved your little group. Taehyung and Jimin welcomed Jungkook with open arms, the four of you going out on double dates, grabbing coffee, watching movies, and studying all became weekly occurrences. You were always so scared to dive into another relationship given your age and circumstance, but you swore that someway and somehow—you and Jungkook were meant to be together.

Twenty minutes later, the four of you step out of your Uber and make your way towards the new bar that opened near your campus. It was opening weekend and a Halloween party was obviously necessary. You held onto Jungkook’s hand tightly as you made your way inside the crowded area. You immediately aimed your way to the bar, ordering a vodka-soda, Jungkook ordering some soju.

“Don’t blackout on me now,” Jungkook raises an eyebrow at you, watching the way you take a huge sip of your drink.

“I said I’m a big girl,” you stand your ground, “I bet I can put away twice as many drinks as you.”

“Don’t listen to her Jungkook,” Taehyung says grabbing his own mixed drink, “She likes to spit nonsense when she’s drunk.”

“Oh trust me, I know,” he smirks at you and roll your eyes at him. Jungkook leans down and you peck his lips lightly—the same butterflies swirling in your stomach all these months later. Jimin watches the interaction closely. He knows exactly how you and Jungkook feels, but he still can’t shake the uneasiness deep in his gut.

“Come on, let’s dance,” you smile up at your boyfriend tugging on his arm. The music was loud and good, you were not just going to stand around. Jungkook nods quickly as you finish your drink, leaving Taehyung and Jimin behind at the bar.

Your heels made you more even with Jungkook’s height tonight as you threw your arms around his shoulders to pull him closer to you. His hands grip you waist tightly, wanting every guy here to know that you were his. For some reason, for whatever fucking reason—Jungkook felt inclined to protect you. As you sing whatever song was playing loudly, Jungkook found himself smiling and laughing at you. His chest twisted and his heart thumped. He still pinched himself when he woke up in the mornings. How did he get so lucky in this fucked world of destiny? If you weren’t meant for him, then who was?

You turn around pushing your back to his front. He holds you close as you both sway to the music as if it’s only you and him against the world. He smiles into your neck, kissing your delicate skin once in awhile. He spins you out from him and spins you back in quickly, your mind going dizzy.

“Hey careful,” you whine as you turn to him once again, “I’m drunk you know.”

“I thought you were a big girl,” he teases you and you narrow your eyes at him.

“Maybe not when I’m drunk,” you yell-whisper into his ear. He laughs, pulling you into a kiss. To any wondering eye, it would look as if you two were soulmates among other destined couples. Maybe that was the point? To fake it and then it becomes real?

Your heart swells at the thought. Jungkook studies your face intently, knowing that uttering his next words could be real dangerous but when you flash your gorgeous smile at him—he knows he has to say it.

“Wanna know a secret?” He asks.

“Sure.”

“I love you,” the words spill from his mouth. Your movements stop and you swear your drunkeness subsides momentarily.

“W-what?” You stutter. Did you hear him correctly?

“I know we’re drunk and this isn’t the best time but yeah,” he nods, “I love you Y/N.”

You head spins and you heart drops into your stomach. A smile creeps up onto your face.

“Really?” you ask, your eyes similar to those of a puppy. Jungkook nods, biting his lip. Will you say it back? “Thank fucking god, I thought I was the only one,” you say dramatically.

He furrows his eyebrows, chuckling, “Really?”

“Jeon Jungkook I fucking love you too,” you say, “I was waiting on you to say it.”

Once again he laughs, “Babe you can’t wait on stuff, you gotta go after what you want.”

“Well I already have you, don’t I?” You point out, “Come on, let’s go home.”

“Why? We’ve have one drink babe,” he says as you’re tugging on his hand.

“I know,” you look at him with a devilish smirk, “But I wanna fuck you and I’m not doing that in this bar.”

Jungkook’s face falls, blood rushing to his cock. “Fair enough.”

.

November is cold, which means December is going to be even colder. The days get shorter and your nights get longer as you try to prepare for finals in the next few weeks. Currently you’re bundled in two layers of clothing in the back of the library with Namjoon, adding the finishing touches on your final project that’s also due soon. Jungkook had to attend a seminar for one of his classes this evening which is why he’s MIA.

“Lucky shit,” Namjoon remarks when you explain your boyfriend’s absence. It was still strange to refer to him as your boyfriend.

“Would you honestly want to be lectured about how building muscles in the key to life right now?” You raise an eyebrow at him pointedly. Jungkook could even admit as a sports medicine major some of the people and things he learns about is absolute horseshit.

Namjoon laughs, “Touche.”

You’re working on the presentation aspect of you project while Namjoon is typing away at the research paper. As much as you despised the soulmate hoopla, reading about this stuff was very interesting. You had read how soulmates are apparently linked and of course, there is truly only one person meant for you. You rolled your eyes at these statements. If that was true, then why have you still not been given a name? There were so many questions that were just unanswerable that you couldn’t get over. Sure, the soulmate thing worked for some you couldn’t lie about that. At the end of the day though, perhaps you were one of the lucky ones—not bound by a name and given free reign over who is in the same spot as you.

“How’s everything going with you two by the way?” Namjoon asks curiously. His eyes haven’t left his computer screen so you oppose looking back at him when you answer.

“Good,” you smile slightly, “It’s still weird to think that we’re together,” you laugh at your statement.

He smiles to himself, “Weird for you? How about weird for me? I introduced the two of you being Jungkook is shy twat.”

“I know, I know,” you reach across the table and squeeze Namjoon’s hand playfully, “Which is why I’ve thanked you how many times now?”

“Yeah yeah, you only. Jungkook hasn’t given me his thanks yet.”

“I wouldn’t expect him too.”

“Trust me, I’m not,” he smiles with another stifled laugh as you two try to keep quiet. “So nothing’s really happened between you two?”

He’s referring to your project which you hastily agreed on letting yours and Jungkook’s “experience” to be first hand research.

You shake your head, “No. By the fifth time we had sex I was expecting to “feel excruciating pain deep within my chest as the universe tries to pull me away” him,” you quote one of the claims made by a well-known and well respected researcher. It was almost comical—how could anyone believe this stuff?

“Okay, TMI,” he puts his hands up.

“Hey this was your idea,” you remind him.

“It’s just wild to me,” he says, “I mean we grow up thinking there’s someone out there only meant for us and you and Jungkook… just don’t have one?” He looks off in the distance and you’re not sure if you should be offended by his statement—though Namjoon is a realist and he’s very logical so everything he’s saying is true.

“We have each other,” you shrug, “That’s good enough for me. I love him for who he is,” you almost feel heat coming to your face but you push it down.

“That’s how I feel about Kaya,” he almost smiles.

You look at him curiously—Namjoon hardly ever speaks of his soulmate. They’ve been together for a long time but she goes to university a couple hours from here so they don’t get to see each other as often as they would like.

“Can I see?” You whisper. He furrows his eyebrows, confused. “Your mark, I mean.”

Namjoon looks down at his left hand before nodding, opening his palm for you. In faint white writing, almost skin color—is the name Kaya in beautiful cursive. It makes your heart strings feel heavy for a moment. You knew you didn’t need a name to find love but you had always been curious about what it would be like to dawn one.

“Did it hurt? When it showed up?”

He shakes his head, “Not really, just kind like a little sting.”

“Why do you think I don’t have one? And Jungkook too?”

Your question catches him off guard. Honestly if anyone could answer this question, it was Park Jimin but he obviously wasn’t here. Namjoon was smart though—maybe he had good theories.

“I honestly don’t know,” he says softly, “I feel all the research of this stuff only applies for people who have one.”

You snort, “Right.”

“I mean you can never say never though,” he shakes his head, “Just because society has said before eighteen, that could be bullshit for all we know. You saw how in some of these articles, some names showed up in people’s early and mid-twenties too.”

“Yeah… and then what?”

“What do you mean?” He asks.

“It’s just seems so unfair that I can see Jungkook in my life after college and that could be taken away so easily. Or I could be taken away from him… it’s just so fucked don’t you think?” You don’t even realize how shaky your tone is, but Namjoon picks it up.

“Are you worried about that?”

Your mouth goes dry, “I like to think he’s the one for me,” you say after a few seconds of silence.

He bites his lip, unsure of what to say next, “Well maybe he is,” he offers trying to lighten your mood.

You look down at your hands, inspecting your wrist and fingers carefully. Your stomach churns at your next thought.

“And what if he isn’t?” You glance back to find his eyes staring holes into you.

“Then it wasn’t meant to be. I’d like to think the universe isn’t wrong.”

You nod slowly taking in his words. Sure you and Jungkook had been official for awhile now and you hoped that this feeling with him would never end. You liked to think the universe isn’t wrong either and maybe that’s why you and Jungkook found each other—cause it was meant to be.

Yours and Namjoon’s conversation stuck with you the rest of the evening. Jungkook had picked you up from the library in his black Mercedes around 8 PM. Even though it was a Wednesday, you and Jungkook had been staying at each other’s places more often than not. With your only roommate being away in Europe for study abroad, it was nice having him stay with you.

Jungkook noticed something was bothering you as he drove back to your place as you didn’t say much to him. You gripped his hand tightly in yours but the way your eyes didn’t meet his— it worried him. He became even more worried when you didn’t want to eat dinner after he had picked up your favorite takeout. It was his treat to you since he was unable to come to the library tonight.

“I’m just not that hungry,” you said pushing around the Chinese food with your chopsticks. You were both sat on your couch, your feet up in his lap watching some romantic-comedy TV show—Jungkook’s choosing—not yours.

“You’re always hungry,” he says poking at your leg to try to get a smile from you. Nothing. He furrows his eyebrows at you though you don’t even notice it as you’re looking away from him.

“What’s up babe?” Jungkook’s question takes you out of your thoughts. Were you that obvious?

“Hm?” You glance at him, trying to play your emotions off.

“You’re just being so… quiet?” He says softly, setting down his plate on the coffee table. He shifts his body to your frame, a hand holding up his head on the back of the couch.

“I don’t know,” you mumble, “Just have a lot on my mind.”

“Y/N you can tell me anything you know,” he rubs the back of your calves. The motion alone relaxes you significantly and you still don’t know how someone has this affect over you.

You pause, unsure if you should voice your worries to him. Would they cause problems between you two if you said what you were actually thinking? Was Namjoon right? “It’s just Namjoon and I were talking tonight and—“

“What did he say to you?” Jungkook quickly interrupts with a harsh tone. As much as Jungkook loved Namjoon like a brother—he was too brash and sometimes that lead to hurt feelings.

“It’s nothing he said it just got me thinking,” you shake your head aimlessly, looking behind Jungkook’s head at the wall.  He doesn’t say anything wanting you to continue. “Don’t you worry about the future?”

Jungkook purses his lips, thinking deeply about your question before answering honestly.

“Everyday,” he says, “But I like to live for now, in the present… why are you asking?”

“What are we supposed to do if we’re separated, huh?” The words tumble from your mouth, your tone not the sweetest. You tense up in Jungkook’s hands and he notices your demeanor quickly changing.

“Why are you saying that Y/N?” His voice is confused and heavy.

“Because I fucking love you Jungkook and I don’t want you taken away from me, that’s why,” you let out a deep breath, pushing yourself up and off the couch. Jungkook watches you as you stand up and walk towards the kitchen. You’re clearly distressed about something. Slowly, he rises to his feet sauntering over to your frame that’s staring down at the sink.

“Y/N,” his voice is low behind you. Your knuckles are nearly white from gripping the side of the counter so hard. You felt tears pricking in your eyes that you had to force away. Jungkook wraps his arms around your front and you lean back into his frame.

He rests his head on your shoulder, “Baby I get it, okay? I know it’s scary not knowing what the hell is wrong with people like us—“

“That’s the problem Jungkook,” you say, “There’s something wrong with us and it’s fucked up. How do we know that this, us, is okay?”

“Listen I know you don’t believe in destiny and all that stuff but,” he pauses nuzzling into your neck, “But I do and I feel like if this, us—isn’t meant to be, then what is?”

You lean your head on his before you reluctantly turn your body around, your hands sliding behind his torso.

“How are you so sure?” You mutter meeting his gaze. His eyes are worried for you but still deep down, they have a light and wonder you’ve never fully understood.

He gives you a tiny smile, brushing his nose against yours, “Because I love you, okay? Like I’ve never loved anyone more before, I promise you, we’ll be fine. You will be fine.”

The weight from your shoulders is lifted as Jungkook’s words reassure you. He had such a hopeless romantic complex about him, you were sure he knew everything right to say to make you feel better. He was right—the odds of you two being this late in the game and meeting can’t be coincidental. He was yours and you were his—that’s all that mattered.

“Are you good now?” He raises his eyebrows at you and you nod against his forehead, leaning forward to peck his lips.

“Much better,” you then say. Jungkook chases his mouth with yours again before pulling away after a brief kiss.

“Good because I had something important to ask you anyways,” he says giving you some space.

Your eyes bulge, a worried look instantly spreading on your features, “You’re not asking me to marry you, are you? After what we just—“

He shakes his head with a laugh, “No, not right now at least,” he continues to laugh and your heart lurches at the thought. “But I was gonna ask if you wanted to come to Busan with me, for Christmas?”

You are taken aback by his question, your mouth parting unsure of what to say.

“Like go home with you?” He nods at your question, “And meet your family?” He nods again.

“I know we haven’t been together that long but I’d figure I would offer,” he shrugs.

“Do your parents know about us?”

“I mentioned someone to them on the phone the other day.”

“Do they know the full situation?” you ponder. You two weren’t soulmates and meeting parents was a huge step.

“No,” he says, “But that doesn’t mean we can’t fake it,” a smirk spreads on his lips.

“Jungkook, I don’t know if that’s the best idea.”

“None of my ideas are the best ideas let’s be real,” he chuckles, “And I’m not saying you have to go, but if you want to the offer is there.”

You bite your lip as your eyes meet. The stove light was shining on his face so his small scar was prominent. It would be nice you suppose, meeting his brother who gave him that scar and his parents too. You had never met any of your significant other’s parents—Jungkook really must believe in you two then.

“I’ll think about it,” you smile up at him, squeezing your arms tightly around his frame. He nods before leaning down, kissing you once again gently. Your night ends with you finally eating your food and Jungkook in your bed making you feel better than anyone ever has. It was perfect.

WINTER

“And how, may I ask,” your professor’s voice is the first to ask a question when you are done speaking, “Did the three of you manage to maintain data regarding the intimacy of two people whose souls are not bound yet?”

Your eyes flicker over to Namjoon and Jungkook. You’re about to respond but Namjoon beats you to it.

“Professor Jung, we know it can seem like we made up part of our research but,” he pauses, “But we trust the individuals who relayed us this information in the past three months and out of respect for them… we ask for you not to probe too much.”

Your professor’s eyebrows raise at Namjoon’s comment. His eyes flicker between the three of you, unable to decipher Namjoon’s passive aggressiveness. You were thankful he decided to answer the question, because you’re sure that you would have been too nice about it. Why can’t this jackass just take the information you are presenting and shove it up his ass?  

“I see,” he breathes in deeply, “It just seems very hard for me to wrap my head around the argument that you’ve presented, when there’s so much research saying the opposite. The effects of intimacy is sacred for soul bonded people. Horrible illnesses and other things can happen to these people that go against nature.”

“It does seem that way professor,” you chime in, “But perhaps it’s time for new, more in-depth research to be done on this subject. These independent relationships may not work for everyone but in this case—it has.”

He chews on the end of his pen, “I agree wholeheartedly and though I still have my doubts about your research, I cannot deny the three of you have presented me with a topic that no one ever has before. The psychology behind soul-binding, sex, and relationships is amazing and endless… and isn’t the point of life to ask questions?” He seems to have lost somewhat focus on the three of you. What an idiot.  

“Exactly,” Jungkook nods sending you a quick wink. You chew on your bottom lip to avoid from grinning. “As they say, we learn something new everyday.”

“That you are correct Mr. Jeon,” he say points to your boyfriend. “Well, I think you three have presented a wonderful project and I look forward to reading your research paper for further depth. Expect a grade by the end of the week. Thank you, it was… mostly a pleasure having you in my class,” his eyes glance at you briefly and it takes all of you not to launch at him over his stupidly expensive desk.

“Thank you professor. Have a good winter break,” Namjoon smiles. The three of you leave the small conference room attached to his office. Thankfully, you did not have to present your project in front of the entire class.

You let out a groan of relief when the cold winter air welcomes you outside. “Thank god that’s over!” You smile up at the sky.

Jungkook throws an arm around your shoulder to pull you in close, “What grade do you think we’ll get hyung?” He smiles at Namjoon who is digging around for his phone.

“Hopefully an A. With the bullshit you were feeding him? I think he loved it, he was just being a hardass because of Y/N,” he motions to you.

You’re mouth falls open, “Hey! It’s not my fault he doesn’t like me! He’s a raging psychotic sexist,” you huff crossing your arms over you.

“Uh huh,” Namjoon hums, “First day straggler.”

You narrow your eyes at him before Jungkook nudges you, “C’mon I’m freezing, let’s go home,” he whines and you give him a small nod.  

“I’ll see you after break?” You ask the dimpled man in front of you.

He smiles, “Yeah for sure. But I gotta go—I have a plane to catch later tonight.”

“Where are you going?” This is even news to Jungkook.

“Oh, Kaya and I are going to Europe for two weeks, should be fun,” he looks down at his phone, “Oh shit, yeah I gotta go, Merry Christmas!” He waves at you two before running off in the opposite direction to the bus stop.

“Europe? I wanna go to Europe,” you pout looking up at Jungkook. He gives you a peck on the lips, your pout irrespective.

“We’ll go one day. It’s fun,” he says as you two begin to walk towards the student parking lot.

“You’ve been?”

“A few countries there, yeah,” he nods intertwining your fingers. Jeez, the amount of things and places Jungkook has been in his 22 years made your life look boring as hell. “Like I said, we’ll go—I promise,” is the last thing he says before you two get into his car.

The car ride is mostly a comfortable silence on the way to your place. His hand rests on your thigh, holding you tighter whenever he takes a turn.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with me?” Jungkook asks suddenly getting your attention.

“It’s not that I don’t want to Jungkook,” you say, “It’s just Taehyung said he was going to be here by himself all break and when he asked, I felt bad.”

He pouts giving you a glance, “I know but I’ll be lonelyyy,” he drags out.

“You have your whole family babe,” you laugh at his childish demeanor.

“Yeah but I’m not exactly into cuddling my brother when I go to sleep,” he mutters and you swat his arm. “And you’re telling me I have to go two weeks without having sex?!”

“Jungkook,” you roll your eyes with a laugh, “You’re starting to sound like Professor Jung with your concerns about sex.”

“Duh,” he says, “Why do you think I liked him so much?”

“I hate you,” you deadpan and you gives you a shit-eating grin.

“I love you too.”

.

The next couple days Jungkook stays at your place completely, not wanting to leave your side before he has to go to Busan for two weeks. He was very disappointed that you didn’t want to go to Busan with him, but he knew Taehyung was your best friend and you were bound to do anything for him.

“I can’t believe you’re trusting me with your car,” you say pulling into the train station parking garage. His Mercedes was a low-ground sports car, complete with a V8 engine and custom leather seats. You were still blown away that Jungkook had this car in college. You assumed that his parents must have money because you didn’t know how else to explain it.

Jungkook was nervous watching you drive his baby. When you would press on the gas or the breaks a little too hard he could felt his heart stop for a second.

“Yeah just please be careful,” he pleads as you park perfectly. You put his car in park and turn to him.

“Don’t you trust me?” You blink your lashes at him. He smirks adjusting the beanie on his head.

“I do,” he says, “Mostly.”

“Let’s make a deal Jeon,” you suggest as you help him unload his bags from the trunk. Jungkook was like a woman bringing two full suitcases and a duffle bag with him for a two week trip.

“Shoot babe,” he says.

“If nothing happens to your car in these two weeks—which it won’t—you can treat me for being a good girl,” you smirk up at him and he visibly gulps, rolling his tongue in his cheek. He thought your morning sex would have been enough but he wonder’s if he should take you into a bathroom at the train station and fuck your brains out again before he leaves.

“Deal,” he manages to choke out, going against his previous thought. Goddamn he was so in love with you he wasn’t sure he could make it without you for two weeks. In the five months you have known each other this was going to be longest time spent apart.

As you approach the ticket counter for Jungkook to check in, you start to feel a sadness settling in your heart and stomach. You felt like you were being dramatic about not seeing Jungkook for two weeks but he had become such an important role in your happiness—it was going to be weird not seeing him everyday. He truly was your other half.

“Alright I gotta head to my platform,” Jungkook says giving you a weak smile. “Thanks for driving me here.”

You try your best to muster up a smile, “No problem.”

He quickly pulls you in for a hug, encasing your frame around his tightly. You inhale his scent deeply so you won’t forget it in the next couple weeks.

“Don’t miss me too much,” he mumbles into your ear.

You pull your head out of his chest, “As long as you don’t miss me too much.”

God you two were disgusting.

He smiles leaning down a for kiss, you close the gap between you two. You only kiss for a moment not wanting to catch any unwanted attention.

“I love you,” you smile at him.

“I love you too,” he says, suddenly reaching into the deep pocket of his large sweatshirt. “Here,” he hands over a tiny box wrapped in Christmas paper and an envelope taped to the bottom of it.

“Jungkook,” you look at him and then the present, “We said we weren’t going to give each other presents.”

“I know but I couldn’t resist. I just thought of you when I saw it.”

“Thank you,” your heart flutters and you give him one last peck before he has to leave.  

“Merry Christmas,” he says, “I’ll let you know when I arrive.”

“Merry Christmas Jungkook.”

A brief walk back to Jungkook’s car has your heart in shambles. As you watched him leave for his platform, you couldn’t help but think you should have went with him. Taehyung would have understood—but that also meant meeting his parents and you weren’t sure that was a good idea just yet.

You settled into the driver seat of his car, carefully tearing the wrapping from the small box. Your eyes widen when you open it, a baby teal box revealing a beautiful ring on the inside. A gold band shines in the light, a small circular diamond in the middle shines even brighter.

“Holy shit,” you breathe out, quickly ripping open the envelope that he also gave you. It contained a cheesy Christmas card, his handwriting scribbling—

Merry Christmas Y/N. You’ve changed my life in more ways than one. I’m just one call away and I’ll always be here for you.

Cheesy I know—but you know cheesy is my middle name.

I love you.

Jungkook

.

“Jesus Christ Y/N!” Taehyung exclaims when you show him your new accessory on your hand. “This must have been thousands of dollars,” he grabs your hand to inspect the jewelry. “Tiffany too? What kind of money is Jungkook’s parent’s shitting out for him to give you this?”

“Hey now, he does well with his photography,” you pinch in, noting that he began selling pieces after much consideration.

“I know I know but damn,” he moves your hand around to see the light catching in the diamond. “When did he give you this?”

“The other day when I dropped him off at the train station.”

“Wow… I think you’ve won in the boyfriend category Y/N,” his eyes still haven’t left your finger and you know it’s the alcohol in his system that is keeping him mesmerized.

“It’s not a competition dumbass,” you spew at him.

“What did you get him? An amazing blowjob topped with a new lens for his cameras?”

You laugh at Taehyung’s words, “I’m more mad at the fact the he even bought it, we said we weren’t going to give each other gifts.”

“Well shit Y/N he basically proposed to you—that’s not a gift, is it?” His glassy, wine drunk eyes look at you curiously.

You pull your hand away from him, laying back down against your couch.

“Tae,” you mutter, feeling slightly tipsy yourself, “Do you think Jungkook and I will last?”

Taehyung leans back beside you, exhaling a deep breathe heavily. He doesn’t say anything for a few moments. The silence isn’t uncomfortable but it makes you nervous.

“Yeah,” he says, his eyes looking straight ahead, his tone real and understanding. Taehyung couldn’t voice it—no matter how much he wanted to over the months of you relationship with Jungkook—but he knew what you were going through in more ways than one.

“Really?” You look at him, nuzzling your head into his outstretched arm. He looks down at you before nodding.

“If you two want it to work… it will,” his voice deep and serious.

“How do you know that though?” You mutter, your tone down and pessimistic.

He breathes in deeply, “I just do… I know you two love each other. Anyone can see it Y/N. Don’t doubt anything unless you’ve been given a reason to doubt.”

Taehyung was always more philosophical when he was drinking and this proves that even more.

“Trust me,” his deep voice adds when you don’t say anything immediately .

“What would I do without you?” You finally muster looking up at him.

He smirks, “Lose your mind, that’s what.”

“Give me more credit than that asshole,” you push against his torso.

He laughs before responds with, “Hell no.”

“Well, should we open up our presents?” You give him a small smile glancing at the gifts that were lazily strewn on the floor. Your miniature Christmas tree was slightly pathetic—but it was better than nothing you suppose.

“Sure, but don’t expect another item from Tiffany alright?” He muses as he stands up to grab his gifts for you.

“Fuck off,” you laugh reaching your hands out as he places a bag and a box wrapped in front of you. You were sure Jimin wrapped these given how perfect they were.

“You first,” he gives you a warm smile. You dig into the bag first as it is less to unwrap. Your mouth drops open when you pull out a box of condoms, Taehyung stifling a laugh behind his smile.

“Taehyung are you kidding me?” You’re trying hard not to laugh either. He fucking would.

“Ultra thin… thought they would come in handy since, you know, you two fuck like bunnies,” he sends over a wink and you’re quick to flip him off. You open his next present which happens to be a coat you’ve been eyeing for the past few weeks, but hesitant to buy due to the $300 price tag.

“Tae, you didn’t have to get me this,” you marvel at the thick material, the baby blue color just the one you wanted. “This is too expensive—“

“Babe it’s fine,” he shakes his head, “I know you need some help with our wardrobe so I’m only offering my services,” he says matter of factly.

You move the box away from you and throw your arms around his neck. He hugs you tightly and in this moment you realize how happy your are. You perhaps have the best boyfriend and best friend of anyone you know. You didn’t think anything would change that.

“Here,” you pass Taehyung over your present and he quickly rips the paper off. He looks like a little kid on Christmas morning and you decide to pour more wine as he fidgets with the box.

“Shit Y/N!” He smiles widely, “Holy shit you didn’t have to get me this,” he takes his gift out of the box. He smiles widely at the leather bag you got him. Not a cheap price tag either—but it was Taehyung’s favorite bag and his old one was not cutting it anymore.

“It’s fine,” you shake your head, gulping down your white wine quickly. You two were quite drunk at this point.

“Jeez,” he shakes his head pulling you into another bone crushing hug, “Fuck Jimin and Jungkook. Let’s just get married, you and me kid.”

You laugh at his words, “Trust me, if you were straight I would take you up on that.”

The rest of your evening is spent with watching “How the Grinch Stole Christmas,” more wine, and endless laughter with your best friend.

.

It’s about 5 AM when you wake up in your bed with a busting headache and a stomach ache that has you doubled over on your toilet. Fuck, did you really drink that much? Your question is answered when everything in your stomach is coming up through your esophagus. You don’t know how long you sit on your knees, hands on the toilet throwing up your guts.

“Y/N?” Taehyung appears at your bathroom door rubbing his eyes, “Whoa, are you okay?” He quickly comes down behind you, holding your hair back and away from your face.

Finally after what seems like forever, you stop throwing up, resting your head on the porcelain.

“Yeah,” you groan, your throat raw and sore, “I guess I just drank too much.”

“Shit, do you need anything?” He asks, voice laced with concern.

“Just some water please,” you tell him and he leaves to quickly get you a glass. “Fuck,” you mutter to yourself. You’re not sure the last time you were this hungover was. You knew you needed water and sleep—maybe that would alleviate the pain in your head and stomach.

You get back into bed a few moments later with Taehyung laying down beside you. He gives you your space and before you know it, both of you fall back to sleep.

You wake up again around 10 AM, your headache still busting but your stomach more settled now. You’re sipping tea watching another Christmas movie with Taehyung when your phone rings. A smile stretches on your face when you see Jungkook’s name pop up.

“Hey,” you answer the phone, sitting up from your position on the couch.

“Hey babe,” his voice brings comfort to your ears, “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” you say, “Did you have a good morning?”

Jungkook hesitates over the line before speaks again, “Uh, yeah… what about you?”

You furrow your eyebrows at his tone. He sounds… distant and unconfident with his words.

“I mean I’ve been better,” you laugh, watching Taehyung glance at you quickly.

“What’s wrong?” He asks.

“Well I’m just really hungover, Taehyung really did a number on me with the wine last night,” you laugh again trying to ease whatever tension Jungkook is holding through the phone.

He chuckles nervously for a moment over the phone, “Well drink some water and rest okay?”

“I know, I’m gonna take it easy for the rest of the day,” you look at your nails that desperately need to be manicured.

“Yeah good,” is all he says and you purse your lips. Normally Jungkook is so talkative over the phone—what’s up with him?

“Babe are you okay?” You ask him with genuine concern. You would hate for him to be going through something and him not tell you. Taehyung gives you a weird look and you shrug your shoulders.

“Yeah,” he clears his throat, “I’m just tired from all the Christmas hoopla I’ve had to do the past few days,” he says seeming to explain his demeanor, “But I’m gonna call you later okay? I’ve got a Christmas brunch to get ready for but I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas.”

You smile at his words, “Alright, have fun. I’ll talk to you later. Hurry home. I love you.”

“I’ll try I promise,” you can sense a small smile in his voice, “I love you too.” So much.

You stay sick for the next three days. Your body aches, your head hurts, and you’re still throwing up occasionally therefore you’ve barely had anything to eat the past three days. You and Taehyung are afraid you’ve picked up a small flu from someone. Despite this, Taehyung stays with you, not wanting to leave you alone sick like this.

Jimin gets back from home a couple days after you’ve fallen ill. Jimin being a medical guy himself, is unsure of what or who could have gotten you sick.

“As long as you don’t get and maintain a fever, I think you should be fine,” he says watching your frame on your couch. You had not felt this sick in so long and of course it had to be right before Jungkook got back home too.

“Should Jungkook come around her? He gets back when, tomorrow?” Taehyung asks you.

You nod, “Yeah, tomorrow evening,” you manage to say through your sore throat that feels like it’s actually on fire.

“I don’t think you’re contagious otherwise he would be sick too,” he motions to Taehyung, “He should be fine,” his voice is low and steady. His eyes don’t leave your frame though you’re too tired to notice Jimin’s intense stare.

You push yourself off of the couch, wanting to get some sleep in your bed. “I’m gonna take a nap, you guys don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to.”

Taehyung and Jimin exchange a glance before nodding, “We can get some food and bring some back for you later?”

“That would be great Tae,” you smile at him, “Thanks guys.”

Jimin and Taehyung leave your apartment, locking the door behind them with Taehyung’s spare key.

“Do you think she’s really okay? I’ve never seen her like this,” Taehyung mumbles to Jimin as he pulls up directions to the nearest ramen restaurant near them.

Jimin’s throat goes dry and he hesitates, biting his lip, “Honestly, I think we’ll just have to see.”

Jimin’s words are uneasy in Taehyung’s mind—both of them equally worried for you.

. You are jumping out of the shower when you get a text from Jungkook.

[Jungkook ♥ 6:58 PM] I’m about an hour away. Can’t wait to see you.

You smile at his text, heart fluttering at the thought of seeing him again. Today you woke up feeling a lot better—still not 100%—but you could actually stomach food today. Despite your illness, you didn’t really care at this point. You could wait to see Jungkook—you missed him so much more than you thought you would have.

[You 7:00 PM] Perfect. I’ll see you soon ♥

[Jungkook ♥ 7:02 PM] ♥

The train station is more crowded than it was went you sent Jungkook off. The masses of being returning from their holiday was immense and you were afriad you weren’t going to be able to find Jungkook through the masses.

Little to your knowledge, Jungkook had spotted you after he exited his platform—a beautiful baby blue coat hanging off of your frame—signaling where you stood. After not seeing your face for two weeks, he smiled to himself. You were so fucking beautiful to him and he loved you so much—it only made his heart hurt even more.

He hesitates walking towards your back that’s facing him. He takes in a deep breath before he wraps his arms around your front. You jump in his arms and turn around with the smile that makes his day. Today—it only breaks him even further.

“Jungkook,” you turn around and hug him tightly. Finally—he was home. He doesn’t say anything as he returns your hug, kissing you on the top of the head. He glances down at his arms, pulling his jacket sleeve down, making sure his watch wasn’t going anywhere.

After all, he was desperate to hide the name that was inked on his wrist that wasn’t yours.

.

JUNGKOOK

Christmas Eve—Busan

Jungkook’s tie is too tight around his neck. He swore to his mother that it was fine but her being as stubborn as she was, made sure to secure it so that not even she could move it. He pulls at his collar and his older brother, Junghyun laughs at him.

“You look like a little kid, pulling and tugging at that you know,” Junghyun eyes Jungkook and he rolls his eyes.

“It’s suffocating hyung—I’m not drunk enough for this bullshit,” Jungkook responds with a laugh.

It was their annual Christmas Eve party held by their father’s company and it was just as stuffy and rich as Jungkook remembers. Jungkook and his brother didn’t speak much about their wealth. They had both grown up with more money, toys, clothes, shoes, and vacations that they ever needed. They never once complained as they both know how incredibly lucky they were to have already lived 5 lives before turning 30. They did however, understand how tiring this lifestyle was.

Perhaps it is why neither Jungkook or Junghyun pursued business as a major—neither one wanted to have this much to handle on their plate. Thankfully, despite most of the people that associated with the Jeon family—their mother and father were humble and respected their sons’ decisions to make their own path. If it were up to their mother though, should would have her sons closer to Busan than so far away.

“Well, the night is still young,” his brother speaks again, handing Jungkook a glass of champagne.

“There you two are,” Yeri—Junghyun’s soulmate and partner appears from what seems to be out of thin air. “Hi my love,” she smiles up at Junghyun as he pulls her closer to his hip. “Jungkook, how are you?”  

“Pretty good, my tie is too tight,” he pouts.  

Yeri observes Jungkook, “I think it looks good?” She looks back up at his brother and he nods in agreement.

“I know, he’s just a baby,”  he remarks and Jungkook rolls his eyes.  

“Anyways, your mother is looking for you two—we’re about to eat dinner,” she informs and both of the brother’s nod.  

Jungkook follows closely behind them, weaving in and out of people to get to their designated table. Jungkook only recognizes a handful of people he passes even though they know exactly who he is. They find their table, their parents already seated and ready for dinner.

Jungkook smiles when he sees his mother, bending down to hug her.

“Hello Jungkook, Junghyun,” she greets her sons, “Yeri, please sit!”

He takes a seat right of his mom, Junghyun and Yeri to his left. His father is busy speaking with a business partner at the table to pay much attention to them. Jungkook grew up used to that though—his father always overworking himself, barely getting home before they had to go to bed. Despite this, he was still a great father in Jungkook’s eyes, providing and making them laugh every chance he got.

“What’s for dinner, Mrs. Jeon?” Yeri asks. Jungkook’s mother loved Yeri the moment she set her eyes on her all those years ago and nothing has changed.

“Oh, we’re having a little bit of everything—bulgogi, samgyeopsal, jajangmyeon, kimchi. I hope it’s good, we had to get a new caterer this year,” a sudden worry falls over he face but she quickly brushes it away.

“Perfect, I’m starved,” Jungkook mumbles, once again, mindlessly tugging at his collar. Jungkook’s mom swats his hand away.

“Quit it, you’re fine,” she scolds him and he settles in his seat, picking up his newly poured glass of red wine. It was true—he was starved and if he didn’t get food in his system quickly, he would probably become tipsy from a singular glass of champagne and wine.

The food arrives at each table in an orderly fashion as everyone finally takes their seats. A few words of thanks are spoken before everyone digs in, placing various meats on the grills in front of them. Commotion and chatter quickly fill the large hall. Jungkook is busy stuffing his mouth with noodles when suddenly his name is spoken across the table.

“Jungkook,” his father addresses him. He swallows his food quickly before raising an eyebrow in response. “You remember Mr. Kim, Seokjin’s father?”

The mention of Seokjin brings a wash of memories over Jungkook’s brain. He was an older kid that him and Junghyun used to play around with growing up.

“Yes, of course,” Jungkook slightly smiles to the elder.

“I can’t believe you’re almost done with university,” Mr. Kim compliments Jungkook, “What are you majoring in again?”

“Sports medicine,” Jungkook says feeling slightly intimidated by his stare. Suddenly Mr. Kim’s eyes glance down to Jungkook’s hand and he suddenly feels self conscious about his the ink colored on his fingers. He quickly retracts his hand under the table before he speaks again.

“Well that’s really good to hear,” he smiles warmly again, “Are you planning on furthering your education past undergrad?”

“Yes sir,” he nods, “I plan to pursue a sports physician or therapist within the next few years.”

He looks over at Jungkook’s father, “I don’t think your sons could be any more opposite than you and I,” he laughs and Jungkook’s father nods with a small smile.

“As long as they’re happy, that’s all that matters,” his father says. Jungkook glances at Junghyun, hoping he was paying some attention to the conversation so Jungkook could continue eating. He wasn’t.

“Yes I see,” Mr. Kim nods, “They will do good for themselves and their partners, I’m sure of it.”

The mention of the word partner gets Jungkook’s mother’s attention.

“Oh yes, Junghyun and Yeri have recently leased a house in Seoul,” she smiles proudly at her eldest. It was true—Junghyun was a practicing lawyer and Yeri was a court reporter so they were doing pretty well off even though they haven’t reached 30 yet.

“If only they could hurry up and get married,” she then adds with a laugh. Junghyun looks over and he grimaces, though no ill intent by the stare.

“Mom, we’ve told you. We’re settling our house and finances for another year or so, then we are,” he responds swiftly.

“Well, then it seems like Jungkook is due next,” Mr. Kim adds into the mix. Suddenly, Jungkook tenses up and his face falls. Oh how he wish you were here right now so he wasn’t alone in this.

“Well Jungkook does have a partner, right?” His mom looks over at him. Jungkook had mentioned you to his mom and dad but that was it—so this is news for Junghyun and Yeri who were carefully listening to his words. Jungkook was 22 after all—the clock was ticking.

“Yes mom,” he nods, “I invited her to Busan with me for the holidays but she decided to stay back home,” he explains.

“Ah, that’s too bad, we would have loved to meet her,” Mr. Kim says, “Next time though?’

Jungkook nods, a small smile present, “Next time.”

The conversation thankfully dies after that. As much as Jungkook wanted to talk about you—he was so hesitant for well, obvious reasons. His mom had the most questions about you and he answered all of them to her liking. She seemed to think their souls were bonded and wasn’t that the point he was trying to make? He wanted his mom to love you like he did and he was confident she would by the way her eyes lit up when he spoke about you.

“She seems lovely Jungkook,” she says, “And you just met her this year? After all this time?”

After all this time—yeah right. “Yeah, we had a class together.”

“Well I for one cannot wait to meet her,” she smiles taking a sip of her wine, “You should invite her again when you two graduate, you know we have to have a party to celebrate.”

Jungkook’s mouth goes dry but he nods quickly, just wanting to focus on the dessert that was being place in front of him.

“She would love that,” is all he says before he digs into his cheesecake. After a few glasses of wine, Jungkook had felt himself become a little tipsy and he knew he needed to slow down if he wanted to enjoy Christmas morning.

After he finishes his sweet treat, he excuses himself to get some water. As much as he hates these kinds of things, he wishes he had his camera to capture some memories—even though it was his first Christmas with you despite being separated by hundreds of kilometers.

He reaches the beverage table, quickly asking for a glass of water when suddenly he feels a tap on his shoulder.

“Excuse me?” A girls voice asks, “Would you mind getting me a glass of Chardonnay?”

He glances at the girl before nodding, asking for a glass to hand to her. The server hands Jungkook a wine glass and he turns around to see the girl for the first time. He’s slightly taken aback from her beauty. She’s got warm brown hair that flows down her chest, welcoming eyes, and a smile that he swears sparkled in the light.

“Thank you,” her eyes met his and he feels his chest tightening the longer he looks at her. As much as he wants to look away—he physically is unable. She seems to feel the same because he doesn’t know how much time has passed of them staring at each other before someone calls out to her.

She glances to her right, raising her glass as another thanks before walking away from Jungkook. His eyes follow her as her back turns to him. She’s wearing a simple purple dress with sleeves and heels that make her legs look long and lean.

He shakes his head out of his trance-like state, what the fuck? He takes another gulp of his water—it has to be alcohol getting to him. He’s about to head back to his parent’s table when he suddenly feels an itching on the inside of his left wrist. He scratches his skin harshly and he winces when it’s more painful than a normal scratch.

He glances down at his sleeve, pulling the material back to see what was so painful. He does a double take when he moves his watch, noticing harsh red lines forming on skin. The fuck, he thinks to himself. Jungkook makes the decision to excuse himself to the men’s room to cool the burning off with some water.

Thankfully he’s the only person occupying the room and he quickly turns on the water, running his skin underneath it. The burning subsides after a few moments and as he’s reaching for a towel to dry himself, he drops it to the floor before he can even use it.

While the red marks have gone away, a thin black line has replaced them.

Rose.

He blinks heavily, shaking his head. Is he really that drunk? He takes his nail to scratch at the black and when it doesn’t move, his mouth parts and the tie around his neck feels even more constricting.

“No,” he whispers to himself.

Rose.

It’s still there.

“No, no, no,” he mumbles, “Fuck,” his breathing picks up heavily and he looks at himself in the mirror. His face is pale and his eyes are blown out. Fuck.

Rose.

He moves his watch back over the marking and runs a hand through his hair, pulling on the ends harder than he should. He almost feels tears threatening to fall when he realizes what’s happening. This has to be a sick joke? The universe cannot be doing this—not right now—not after all this fucking time?

As much as his mind is racing, drunk and confusion do not make a good combination, he sees one thing for sure in the back of his brain. You. As this thought, his stomach churns deeply and before he realizes it—he’s spitting up some of his food and alcohol into the toilet.

“Fuck,” he says again wiping the perspiration away from his clammy hands onto his pants. He takes in a deep breath, freshening himself up before he leaves the bathroom with the mission to find one person and one person only.

Once he comes back into the main room, his eyes glance around quickly for a head of silky brown hair and a purple dress. His head looks around rapidly and anyone who saw him probably thought that he looked crazy. He spots Junghyun and Yeri getting another drink at the bar and he swiftly walks over towards them.

“Hyung,” Jungkook speaks quickly, shaking his brother’s shoulder.

“Huh? Jungkook, you okay?” His brother notices how ill Jungkook looks. Face pale, hair messily pushed around, uneasiness in his large eyes.

“Have you seen a girl,” he pauses trying to slow down, “Purple dress, kind of ashy brown hair to here,” he demonstrates the length with his hands. Junghyun looks at Jungkook like he’s crazy. Hell, maybe Jungkook is going crazy.

Junghyun shakes his head, “No I haven’t. What’s up?”

“I may have seen a purple dress going that way,” Yeri points her finger towards the other side of the large room. “Jungkook are you sure you’re okay?”

He doesn’t even give them one more glance before he thanks Yeri quickly, turning on his heels to head that direction. He nearly trips on his feet trying to get across the masses of people congregating. The ballroom has a couple hallways that lead off into other rooms and he decides his luck, checking in and out of the rooms. He’s coming up empty until he stops dead in his tracks, a back clad in purple facing him, talking to another man with blonde hair.

Suddenly, the blonde looks at Jungkook from over her shoulder and she follows. Her eyes meet Jungkook’s and he fills his breath hitching, his stomaching rolling once again.

“Hello?” The blonde asks curiously.

“Hi,” Jungkook steps forward. His hands are buried deep in his dress pants so they can’t see the way they shake with every breath.

“Yoongi, will you get me another drink please?” The girl speaks looking back at the man. He nods, settling not to say anything else as he brushes past Jungkook.

The girl stands awkwardly, her finger rimming an empty wine glass slowly. Jungkook can barely look at her but something is compelling him to. He can’t take his eyes off of her—she’s beautiful. He slowly walks towards her with some hesitation. She finally meets his eyes again and she visibly breathes in deep through her nose, her chest rising.

“Hi,” Jungkook says again.

“Hi,” she says with a low tone. She bites her lip nervously and she suddenly looks around the room—anywhere but him. “This place is really beautiful isn’t it?”

Jungkook follows her lead, eyes glancing around the room too, “Yeah, it is.”

“Your parents know how to put on a party,” she muses with a small laugh. Goddamn, he thinks, she is so beautiful. So, she knows exactly who he is.

“This is nothing compared to some other years,” he gently smiles when her lips turn up, her cheeks getting bigger with her own smile.

A silence falls between the two of them. She sways in her heels trying to relieve the pain in the balls of her feet.

“It’s you isn’t it,” Jungkook speaks first. She looks up at him, still saying silent. “You’re Rose?”

She dips her head, some of her hair falling in her face. She nods slowly, “I can’t believe you’re here,” she whispers and she almost sounds sad, perhaps broken? “After all this time,” she adds.

She looks at Jungkook like he’s her whole universe. Oh how he wishes he could say the same thing about her—it’s what this beautiful girl deserves. She deserves someone whose heart beats for them and them only. That wasn’t Jungkook—he had you and god how much he wanted to spend his life with you only.

“When did you find out?” He asks keeping his voice low and steady so his nervousness won’t show through.

“When I was fourteen,” she says. His heart sinks even further for this girl. His name had been engraved upon her skin for 8 years.

He doesn’t say anything else, opting to look down at his feet. The tension is there—the tension the universe gives soul bonded people. He feels his tie suffocating him again and he reaches up to loosen it again, to no relief though.

Suddenly, Rose steps forward, grabbing Jungkook’s hand to move it away from his collar.

“Let me help,” she says and he swears his heart stops beating when her delicate fingers touch his. Rose manages to undo his impossibly tight neck tie from his mother, retying it just as fast, but a lot more comfortable for him and his neck. Suddenly, Jungkook is glad you were unable to come to Busan with him.

“Thanks,” he laughs, “It’s been suffocating me all night.”

“I could tell,” she returns a chuckle, her palms resting on his chest. She’s just as nervous as he is—he can see the way she breathes unevenly being this close to her.

“I’m Jungkook,” he says.

“Rose.”  

.

“Did you have a good Christmas?” You ask Jungkook as you step into his apartment. If possible, Jungkook came back with thrice as much stuff as he left with and you wanted to help him unpack.  

“Pretty good,” he says simply, “I think my parents were disappointed you weren’t there,” he chuckles lightly. Jungkook’s roommates were still back home, not coming back until the new year, so you were going to stay with him to keep him company.

“Well, one day I’ll meet them,” your eyes search for his and he seems somewhat off. He hasn’t said much since you’ve picked him up from the train station. His eyes have looked a little lost, unsure of where to look.

“Yeah,” he shrugs off his coat and begins to unzip one of his 3 suitcases. You unzip a second, noticing how different his clothes smell.

“I see your mom did your laundry?” You quirk an eyebrow at him. He glances at you briefly, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Of course, what kind of son would I be if I didn’t bring all my laundry for my mom to do?”

Small conversation is said between the two of you as you unpack, fold, and hang up his clothes. You can’t help but notice the luxury men’s wear tags in the pants and shirts you hang up.

“What do your parents do Jungkook?” Your thumb brushes over the thick material of a new coat he received as a gift.

He’s hesitant to speak but he decides to tell you anyways, “My dad is president of a large company back in Busan. You know my mom is an artist,” he says and you recall the days he’s spoke highly of his creative mother.

Ah, you think, now you understand where the wealth comes from.

“I don’t like telling people because I don’t want people to think I’m some spoiled snob,” he laughs at the thought.

“Babe, you’re the farthest thing from that. You know work hard for things you want, what does it matter what anyone else thinks,” you hang the last piece of clothing from his suitcase up and he watches you intently.

He leans against his desk, arms crossed as he watches you carefully.

“Wanna see something I got,” he says clearing his throat as you look him in the eyes. His eyes quickly look away from yours, unable to face you fully just yet. You nod when you notice his eyes light up as he rummages through his duffle bag to pull out a new camera.

“Holy shit,” you admire the piece of technology as he holds it carefully in his hands. “Who got you this?”

“My brother if you could believe it,” he sounds like he doesn’t even believe his brother was capable of gifting him such a nice present.

“Damn,” you mutter, “Have you used it yet?”

He nods, “I played around with it at the beach before I left,” he says looking at your subtle smile. “Here, lemme take a picture of you,” he smiles a little wider.

“What? Jungkook I look disgusting,” you step away from him. Your hair is thrown up on your head, no makeup, and an oversized ratted turtleneck covers your frame.

“Baby come on you’re beautiful,” he pouts while adjusting the lens and other settings. “Please I wanna remember this.”

You furrow your eyebrows at him, “Remember what? The remnants of my illness that’s made me look crusty for days now?”

He laughs at you, “Sure, whatever you wanna call it,” he holds up his camera to see the lighting on you. “Sit down and scoot back,” he commands to you. You do as he says, sitting on his bed and scooting so your back is hilt against the wall.

“Here?”

He nods, “Mhm,” he focuses on adjusting the last of what he needs to before he says, “Smile babe, you’re on camera.”

You give him a glare before your features soften, giving him a small smile as you look directly into the lens. Your eyes meet Jungkook’s through the lens and he feels his chest tighten. He hated this—he was so in love with you he couldn’t stand the thought of losing you. You were his present and future—he didn’t want anyone else. How could the universe break him like this?

He snaps a couple photos before looking at them in the small frame. A small smile lets loose on his lips as his heart palpitates for you. He feels your eyes watching him closely and you’re unsure why—despite his smile—he seems so sad and so unsure.

Whatever is bothering him, you could only hope that he would open up to you soon and not suppress his feelings.

Jungkook’s only hope right now is cherishing these moments with you because as he has come to learn in the past few days—nothing good ever lasts.

.

Your phone was buzzing and buzzing annoying you to your core as you tried your best to shove your dangly earrings in your ears. You look down at the caller ID and you roll your eyes with a groan.

“Fuck Taehyung we’re coming!” You half yell at your phone that was still buzzing on your desk. Hearing ruckus in your room, Jungkook peeps in.

“You good babe?” He asks taking notice of how your room is practically flipped upside down. Clothes and jewelry are sprung around and the dress you have decided to wear isn’t even zipped yet, your lower back fully exposed to him.

“Yes,” you say finally slipping the plastic backs on your earrings. You look over your shoulder at Jungkook, heat rushing to your face when you realize how good he looks tonight. “Will you zip me up?”

He nods taking a step towards you, his fingertips cold against your skin. He slowly zips the beaded material up your back slowly not wanting to catch any strings. When he’s done, he wraps his arms around your front pulling you close to him.

“You look beautiful,” he smiles into your neck and you keen into his arms, your feet already blistering in your heels.

“You look sexy,” you muse with a giggle. He turns your body around to flush against his front and he quickly leans down to capture your lips. He’s slow and gentle, wanting you to know how much he cherishes you. He’s careful not to put a hand in your hair knowing how frustrated you were trying to fix it right, so he cradles your neck in one of his hands as you lean into him deeper.

You jump slightly in his arms when your phone starts buzzing again. Jungkook steps away from you and you groan loudly again.

“Remind me to kill him when we get in the car,” you punctuate as you grab your bag and the baby blue coat Taehyung gave you.

“Will do,” Jungkook gives you a wink before grasping your hand into his tightly.

New Years Eve was always a fun time in your friend group, especially at your age. Ever since you started university, you and Taehyung had made it tradition to go to one of the fancier bars in your area for the special occasion. Only having to pay an upfront free—it meant an open bar, free music, and a damn good time.

“Goddamn Y/N,” Taehyung says as you’re waiting in line to get in the bar.

“What? Is there something on my face? My teeth?” You panic looking at your best friend.

“No,” he pauses looking at your date up and down, “You really lucked out didn’t you.”

Jungkook suddenly laughs as his comment and you swat Taehyung’s head.

“Hey back off buddy,” you say wrapping your arms around Jungkook’s torso, “He’s mine asshole.”

“And you’re mine,” Jimin eyes Taehyung playfully. Taehyung had already drank half a bottle of champagne in the car ride from your apartment so he was definitely feeling frisky. It was absolutely freezing outside tonight and Jungkook made sure to keep his arms around you as you waited and waited outside.

“What’s going to be your drink of choice tonight Kook?” You look up at your boyfriend who looks so unbelievable handsome you could cry.

“Hmm, I’m thinking whatever will get me very drunk. Perhaps whiskey?”

Your face contorts at the mention of the dark liquor. Too many bad memories with that one.

“Lemme guess,” Jimin says, “You’re going to down about five green tea shots and then switch over to vodka soda with a splash of cranberry juice.”

Your eyes widen, slightly perturbed, “Am I that basic of a bitch?”

Jimin nods once, “Babe I’m a bartender, we can see girls like you coming from a mile away.”

“Ugh, fine you got me. But maybe instead of vodka soda I’ll just do a flat.” Truth is, you hadn’t drank since your sick spell over Christmas and you were more than ready to get drunk.

A few more minutes and you’re in the crowded bar. You stay close to Jungkook, his hand secured around yours as you make your way to the bar. As expected, you order green tea shots and Jungkook lives up to his previous statement—ordering a whiskey sour to start his night.

You’ve never seen this many people here before. It’s loud, hot, and crowded but it’s everything you could want for New Years Eve. Besides, what’s the fun in going out if it’s not going to be a little chaotic?

After a few drinks, Jungkook finds himself relaxing as he dances close to you. He’s happy right here and right now, but he can’t fully let go—his mind occupied of another woman. He hates himself for doing this, but what is he supposed to do? He’s careful around his arms, making sure his watch stays put and he sleeve doesn’t venture too far up just in case.

Your smile is wide and you feel like you’re on cloud nine. Sure, it was scary now that you were starting your last semester of college in a week but since you had Jungkook—you felt more secure in whatever life decides to throw at you than ever.

“I love you,” you say to Jungkook. It’s simple but you could tell him every minute of everyday and not get tired of it.  

“I love you more,” he says. He’s honest and he only hopes you can’t see the deep sadness in his eyes. He kisses the tip of your nose and you scrunch it up at the feeling. “Do you want another drink?” He asks.

You nod, “Yes please.”

“Vodka cran?”  

You nod once again, “I’ll be with Taehyung over there.”

Jungkook leaves you behind, walking back towards the bar. If he really was going to try to forget his worries—he was going to need something stronger.

“Two shots of whiskey please,” he says. He’ll get your drink when he’s finished so the ice won’t water it down.

“I didn’t take you for a whiskey guy,” a voice comes from his left and when he looks, he feels his whole world stopping.

“R-Rose?” He blinks, making sure he’s seeing correctly.

“I thought it was you over here,” she smiles asking the bartender for a shot of tequila. “How are you?”

He’s speechless. How? Right now?

“Doing well, how are you?” He asks trying to seem sly. God he could only hope that no one he knew, especially you, saw him right now.

“Same, I’m mentally preparing for my hangover tomorrow,” she laughs before downing her shot quickly.

He smiles, “I feel that,” he downs his first shot. It’s hot and it’s burning his throat. “Listen I’ve been meaning to text you but—“

“Don’t worry about it,” she waves her hand, “I mean what are the odds of us being here together? That’s worth more than a text right?”

He swallows, “Y-you’re right. I didn’t know you lived here.”

She nods, her gaze heavy and somewhat obscene, “I go to the all girls university in the area.”

“Ah, I see,” Jungkook says glancing around. Thankfully the copious amount of people have shielded him from anyone’s view.

“Are you here anyone tonight?” Fuck.

“Just some friends,” he says smoothly. “You?”

“Same. My roommates made me come, but now I’m glad I did,” she smiles brightly and Jungkook can himself falling deep into the hole again. Fuck the fucking universe.

“Me too,” he says before he can catch himself. Her eyes glance down to his lips before she looks back up at him.

“Well, I need to get back to my friends before we get fully separated,” she smiles again, “Come say hi if you see me again,” she winks.

He nods, his eyes wide and mouth dry. “Will do.”

He downs the second shot as she walks away, his eyes unable to rip from her frame. Jungkook was in deep shit—no doubting that. There was only so much longer he could keep up this facade. He was heartbroken to the core and as much as he wanted to be selfish and forget about the name attached to his wrist—that wasn’t plausible. It was a reality he had to face sooner or later.

“Fuck,” he says, ordering your drink before he forgets and another shot of whiskey for the hell of it. There was no getting Rose off his mind now but he could at least try. He knew one thing though—once the clock struck midnight, he was ripping you out of this bar faster than a racehorse.

“Oh my god thank you,” you drunkenly smile up at Jungkook when he comes back with your drink. In your intoxicated state, you don’t notice Jungkook’s demeanor change as much as other people do. Specifically Jimin, who is standing off from your side, eyeing Jungkook up and down. Jungkook looks nervous, tense, and unsure about his surroundings. Jimin was curious about what happened to him in the last five minutes of him being gone.

“Oh shit you guys, it’s almost midnight!” Taehyung yells throwing an arm around Jimin’s shoulder.

“What are you gonna wish for?” You gaze up at Jungkook as he throws an arm around your frame protectively.

“Is that a thing babe?” He questions, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Of course it is!” You say, your expression wide and full of disbelief. “I mean I always do it.”

Jungkook leans down and pecks your forehead, his vision fuzzier now that the 3 shots of whiskey have been through his system, “Well I’ll make a wish then, just for you.”

“You better,” you wiggle your eyebrows at him. The clock hits 11:59 PM and the countdown to the new year begins.

Jungkook’s grip tightens around you, afraid that if he lets go you’ll find out his deepest secret and run away from him forever. You lean your head on his chest, unknowing of anything that’s bothering him deep down. You inhale his scent, his laundry and cologne intoxicating you even further.

Ten… nine… eight… seven… six… five… four… three… two… one!

You look up at Jungkook with another beautiful smile and he leans down to close the short gap between you two. The cheers around you drown out as you focus on each other. One of your hands pulls him down from the back of his hair closer to you, smiling into the kiss.

You wish for nothing to change—you were happy and had your partner—that’s all you could ever wish for.

Jungkook wishes for things to change—to go back to normal—but he was afriad that there wasn’t going to be a normal for you two ever again.

Jungkook makes love to you that night like you have never experienced. Every kiss, every touch, every breath is so slow and calculated. He thrusts deep and hard into you, hitting your cervix with each snap of his hips. You both are drunk but if anything that makes it all the better. You two are fully relaxed in each other’s arms and it was just you and him in that moment. He makes you come two, three, and by the fourth time you can’t breathe. His hands grip your waist and under your ass pushing himself possibly deeper into you.

You hold his face close to yours as he drowns out your half screams and moans with his lips. When he finally comes after holding back to relish each second of his cock being inside of you, it’s the most glorious orgasm he’s ever had.

“Fuck—“ you cut him off with your lips as he stills inside of you. “I love you,” he breathes out heavily, collapsing on his elbows.

“I love you,” you whisper back.

He kisses your collarbone and around your neck, trying to hold back his tears threatening to fall.

“I love you more,” is the last thing he says that night before you two drift off into sleep. He means every word.

.

University starts back up a couple weeks after New Years. Your final round of classes were starting off great—most of them being bullshit electives. You were going to enjoy your last semester here and you refused to waste yourself away in school work before hitting the “real world.” You didn’t have any classes with Jungkook or Namjoon this semester which was somewhat of a bummer but you would survive.

Jungkook wasn’t doing good to say the least. He was stressed more and more each day. He barely had a good nights sleep in weeks—waking up every few hours thinking about two very different girls in his life. He had begun to converse with Rose over text message so he didn’t seem like a grade-A asshole. Every time he sent or received a text back, his stomach churned and his heart yearned. He couldn’t help himself—this is how the universe works. It was the hardest thing for him to keep a secret like this from you. He hated lying to you and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could do it.

He turned to his photography more than ever in the past few weeks. His hobby slowly becoming his life to distract him from his actual problems. It’s how he found himself early out in the morning, before 7 AM to be exact, shooting the sunrise from a river about ten minutes from his apartment. He was playing with his new toy and lenses that Junghyun had gifted him, loving the camera the more shots he snapped. He didn’t have class until noon and he couldn’t sleep and he couldn’t think of a better way to pass the time.

It was quiet and peaceful. He loved the countryside and this spot reminded him of back home. It was freezing to say the least and he quickly threw on his gloves before he went through his recent captures.

“Jungkook?” His name leaves a female and his chest twists—recognizing who it is immediately. He looks away from his camera, Rose approaching him from his right. She’s wearing leggings and a thick jacket with running shoes.

“H-hey,” he drops his camera some, “What are you doing up this early?” He asks as she stops in front of him.

“I could ask the same to you,” she smiles breathing heavily. She looks down at his camera before looking back up at his face, “I couldn’t sleep so I decided to go on a run to clear my head.”

He nods slowly, “The best way to clear your head indeed,” he muses. “Same though, to answer your question. Couldn’t sleep and I figured I would come takes some pictures.”

She hesitates before asking her next question, “Can I see?”

Jungkook doesn’t answer immediately, looking down at his camera nervously.

“O-only if you want to though,” she adds picking up on his secluded frame.

His eyes soften and his shoulders drop, “No, it’s fine, here.” He clicks around the buttons to bring up the most recent pictures of the sunrise, the river, and it’s reflection.

“Wow,” Rose whispers, smoke following her words as they hit the cold air as he clicks through each one, “These are great Jungkook.”

He smiles shyly, glancing down her frame, “Thanks.” She’s shorter than you are, her head barely hitting his shoulder.

“Have you been taking pictures for long?” She looks up at him when he’s done showing the pictures.

“A few years now,” he says, “It’s my favorite thing to do with my free time.”

“Well from what I can see you’re really talented,” she smiles, “You should do it professionally.”

He blushes, “A man can only wish,” he laughs, fog coming from his lips too.

A silence falls between the two of them. Jungkook isn’t sure what to do and Rose looks around the area, only a handful of people in the surrounding vicinity.

“Hey I was about to go to this café down the street, wanna come with?” She asks. Jungkook is taken aback by her offer. He notices a sadness behind her eyes and he bites the inside of his cheek before nodding slowly.

“Yeah, that’d be nice.”

The café is small and quiet. It smells of espresso and pastries. Jungkook orders himself a coffee with cream and sugar while Rose decides to get some type of iced drink.

“It’s below freezing and you’re drinking iced coffee?” He quirks a brow at her as they sit down beside the main window.

She shrugs, “I love iced coffee more than I love myself.”

He smiles, sipping on his hot coffee slowly not wanting to burn his tongue. Another silence falls between them and Jungkook takes this time to study her more. She’s petite and gorgeous. She’s the type of girl he grew up crushing over. In the few conversations they’ve had,  he knows they are very much alike. Each day talking to her and seeing her pop up in random places in his life proved to him this wasn’t a fluke. Rose was his soulmate and Jungkook was hers. That’s the fucking reality and it fucking sucks for him. He could see himself falling for Rose quicker than anyone else before—that’s what is supposed to happen anyways. But he had you—he didn’t want anyone else. You were his end all be all, not Rose.

“Jungkook,” she speaks lowly, “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Are you seeing someone right now?”

Her question makes his heart rate speed up.

“W-what?” His mouth is dry despite the coffee, “H-how—?”

“One of my friends on New Years saw you leave with a girl,” her voice breaks off. Shit.

“I,” he pauses, unsure of what to say, “It’s complicated.”

Complicated?! He was in a committed relationship that was approaching 6 months!

“I’d rather you tell me the truth than lie Jungkook,” she says. “We’re soulmates, we’re supposed to open up to each other.”

He furrows his eyebrows deeply, “It’s not that easy Rose. I just met you almost month ago.”

His words cut her deep but she stands her ground.

“I get that but,” she pauses, “I just don’t want you and whoever you’re seeing to be hurt. I’m sure you knows what happens when—“

“Yes. I know,” he says. He’s already seen it—you’ve already experienced it. The constant up and down sickness from you was just one side effect of a bonded soul that stays with one who isn’t bonded to them.

“Do you love her?” She asks.

“With everything in me,” he answers honestly. She looks away from her soulmate, unsure of how to feel. She had been waiting for him for 8 years. She was expecting her happy ever after. The last thing she thought would happen is that her soulmate would be in love with someone else. Processing this information was going to difficult for her and she couldn’t begin to imagine what Jungkook was going through right now.

“Have you told her?”

He shakes his head slowly, “No.”

She purses her lips, squeezing her cup a little too hard, “I’m not telling you how to go about this Jungkook, but if you really loved her, why are you continuing to hurt her?”  

.

“Taehyung we have to talk right now,” Jimin says into his phone.

“Baby it’s not even 8 AM,” Taehyung’s morning voice is deeper than his actual voice.

“No—like Taehyung it’s urgent.”

Taehyung is beginning to worry what could possibly be going on.

“Is everything okay?” He asks sitting up in his bed, pushing the hair from his face.

“No,” he says, “Not at all.”

Jimin hangs up the phone and makes his way to Taehyung’s apartment. He half jogs, unable to keep up with his feet. Jimin’s mind is racing as he begins to piece his suspicions together.

“Good morning,” Jimin enters the apartment, a shiver going down his back as he steps into the significantly warmer apartment. Jimin glances around the apartment, his eyes frantic. “Y/N isn’t here, is she?”

Taehyung watches his boyfriend with tired eyes like a hawk. “No, why would she be here?”

Jimin nods quickly, “When did she first get sick?”

“Whoa, Jimin what’s going on?” Taehyung holds his hands up, his brain still not fully functioning.

“Just answer the damn question.”

“Uh, Christmas morning, early in the morning.”

“And has she been sick since then?”

Taehyung furrows his eyebrows, “Um, she mentioned being sick the day after New Years. Jimin this is stupid, she was hungover both days—“

“Do you know who this girl is?” Jimin pulls out his phone, pulling up a picture of Jungkook and a girl neither of them knew sitting at a small cafe across from each other.

“Where did you get this?” Taehyung asks taking his phone to zoom in on the pic.

“This morning,” he says, “I went to the gym and saw those two together.”

“What does this mean? Is Jungkook cheating on Y/N?!” Taehyung feels himself begin to get angry, handing the phone back to Jimin.

“Well according to Hoseok, the bartender from New Years I sometimes see around asked who the girl Jungkook was cuddled up to at the bar on New Years… and it wasn’t Y/N.”

Taehyung’s face clenches, “W-what? I don’t understand what you’re getting at Jimin. Is Jungkook cheating on Y/N?” He asks again.

“Taehyung, don’t you get it?” Jimin asks running a hand through his hair, “I study this stuff for fucksakes! This,” he holds up his phone of the picture again, “She’s Jungkook’s soulmate, Tae.”

His mouth parts open, “H-how are you so sure?”

“I don’t know the full story but I’m guessing a name came up on Jungkook over Christmas and destiny brought them together after being apart for so long…”

“A name? Jimin, Jungkook is 22 like Y/N… they don’t—“

“Late bloomers—it’s rare, but it happens Taehyung.”

“Fuck,” Taehyung breathes out, fully awake now, “So Jungkook has a soulmate and hasn’t told Y/N I’m assuming.”

Jimin nods, “I’m sure of it. She needs to know Taehyung—it’ll only get worse for her the longer Jungkook stays with her,” his voice trails off. Jimin cared for you as much as anyone close to you and he knew the consequences of tangoing with someone else who was soul bonded.

“I’m gonna kill Jungkook,” Taehyung grips his hair harshly, “When should we tell her?”

Jimin hesitates but speaking after thinking about what could happen to you the more Jungkook hides his secret, “The sooner the better.”

.

“Babe I don’t know how to do this,” you whine as you stares at a knife and a half open salmon. Jungkook laughs at your attempt to filet the fish for your dinner together.

“It’s not that hard Y/N,” he says pointedly, coming to aid your aid. In one motion, Jungkook manages to remove the skin from the fish.

You roll your eyes at him, “Why are you so fucking good at everything?”

“I’m just that talented,” he gives you a side eye before throwing the fish into the marinade. “Are you sure you want to salmon by the way? I know you’re still not feeling the best.”

“Jungkook it’s fine—I’m not going to get sick from this,” you hoped at least, “Plus you love it and I wanted to do something special for our anniversary.”

It was true—today marked your sixth months with Jungkook. January was brutally cold and quickly passed. Now the beginning of February wasn’t any warmer, but it did mark that spring was coming soon.

You couldn’t believe you had been with Jungkook for sixth months. Six months had come and gone like that. It was odd being in a committed relationship for this long when two people weren’t soulmates—but frankly, you were sure Jungkook was your soulmate so it didn’t really matter anyways.

As Jungkook watched you whip up some rice and veggies to go on the side, he couldn’t help but feel guilty. Guiltier than fuck. It had just been over a month since he meet Rose and to put it shortly—the universe was fucking trying it. No matter where he went, she always seemed to be there. They texted at least a few times everyday, obviously keeping it to himself. Rose was being patient, as she was trying her best to understand Jungkook’s situation, though he had a gut feeling she didn’t want to wait around much longer for him. Time was running out for Jungkook and it was running out faster than he ever wished it do be.  

You and Jungkook finish and eat dinner together on the couch. Sure he had a small dining room table but it was tradition for the two of you to cuddle up on the couch together for your meals. Plus, his roommates weren’t home so you may as well make yourself comfy.

“What are you thinking about?” you ask Jungkook when he goes silent for a few moments. As much as you loved Jungkook, you knew something had been bothering him for weeks that he hadn’t opened up to you about. If it was something he really wanted to open up with you about, he would have already and you felt it wasn’t your place to prod. When he was ready, he would be ready you suppose.

“Hm?” his doe eyes look into yours before glancing away, “Nothing much… I just can’t believe we’re graduating in three months,” he laughs shaking his head in disbelief.

You agreed with him, “Crazy right… are you scared?”

He looks down at your legs that are draped across his, “Yeah, I am.”

A look falls on his face that you can’t read. He’s blank on the outside but you’re sure deep down whatever he’s thinking about is torturing him.

“Jungkook,” you nudge him, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” he asks with a grimace.

“I don’t know,” you shrug, “I just feel like something has been bothering you.”

He bows his head and you’re sure he’s about to be fully honest with you until he says, “I’m just stressed babe.”

You narrow your eyes at him. Stressed you can believe—but what? School? Family? Us?

“If you don’t tell me what’s wrong I can’t help you Jungkook,” you say. You can visibly see his jaw clenching as he grinds his teeth.

“If I wanted you to know don’t you think I would fucking tell you Y/N?” he snaps and it makes you jump in your position, “Don’t be so goddamn nosy if it’s none of your business.”

Jungkook stands up from the couch and your mouth parts at his words. Not only are you taken aback, but you can’t believe Jungkook actually spoke to you like that.

“Don’t fucking talk to me like that,” you stand up and make your way towards him. He’s lean against the counter, his head down. “Jungkook, hey, what the fuck?” you ask him, beginning to get more and more frustrated as each second passes.

He lifts his head to look at you, a pained expression on his features, “Look I’m sorry—“

He’s cut off by heavy knocks on your door. Neither of were expecting anyone and if it was his roommates, they would have just used their keys. Your eyes follow Jungkook when he goes and opens the door. What happens next goes by so fast you weren’t even sure it happened until Jungkook is stumbling backwards, a groan emitting from his lips.

“Taehyung?!” you nearly scream rushing over to Jungkook, “What the fuck?! What are you doing?!” Taehyung walks into the apartment with Jimin close behind him.

“Ow, fuck man,” Jungkook holds his cheek in pain. Taehyung didn’t look like he had much power but he just proved himself wrong.

“Have you told her yet,” Taehyung speaks, looking straight at Jungkook, “Or are you still lying to her?”

You look between the two of them, your mind racing and confused.

“Told me what? Taehyung what the fuck are you doing, are you crazy?!” you yell at him again.

Jungkook and Taehyung continue to glare at each other. Jungkook notices Jimin staring too and he knows—it’s over.

“Not right now Taehyung,” Jungkook says angrily. You whip your head over Jungkook again. What’s going on?!

“Told me what?” you ask looking back over at Taehyung and then Jungkook again, “Told me what Jungkook?!” you raise your voice at him.

“Y/N,” Jungkook says, his eyes full of a wave of sadness. Your heart begins to race, your hands clammy and you feel like you might get sick again.

“What’s going on Jungkook?” you feel tears begin to well in your eyes. You know something isn’t right, otherwise this would not be happening right now.

“I was gonna tell you,” Jungkook’s voice breaks off as he comes closer to you, taking your hands in his, “I just didn’t know how.”

You feel a tear come down your face, “Baby what’s happening?”

“Hurry the fuck up,” Taehyung spits, “We don’t have all night.”

“Taehyung,” Jimin scolds him from behind.

Jungkook doesn’t break his gaze with you as he lets go of your hands. He pulls the sleeve of his left sweatshirt, moving his silver watch back in the process. When your eyes fall onto it—the name—it feels like you’ve been shot in the chest. Your breathing picks up and you look back into Jungkook’s eyes.

You shake your head, “No, no, no,” you mumble, “This is a joke right? This has to be a fucking joke,” the tears are now falling in rhythmic streams down your face.

“I’m so sorry,” Jungkook says, tears now welling his eyes eyes, “Y/N I love you so much—“

“How long have you known?” you step away from him, feeling light headed and queazy. He doesn’t answer until you press again. “How long have you fucking known Jungkook?!”

“Over a month,” his voice drops and you don’t ever think you’ve felt the sharp pains shooting in your chest until now.

“Y/N,” Jimin speaks this time, “I think you should come with us.”

“You’ve been lying to me all this time?” you ignore Jimin, your voice cracking on the edges.

“Y/N, no baby please,” he steps towards you, his hands finding your face, “I-I didn’t know what to d-do. I l-love you and you only you, nothing will ever change that,” Jungkook pleads. You shake your head, pushing him away from you.

“It changes everything Jungkook!” you yell at him, furiously wiping the tears from your face, “You’ve known about your soulmate for a goddamn month and you thought you could hide that from me?! Are you kidding me Jungkook?!”

Jungkook pulls at the roots of his hair, glancing over to Taehyung and Jimin, “I’m sorry Y/N,” he repeats, “W-we can do something about this, there has to be—“

“No,” you spit, “No, it doesn’t fucking matter anymore Jungkook,” you pause, glancing down at your hands, “There’s no way around this and you lied to me.”

“Y/N, please,” Jungkook’s heart breaks all over again as he watches you gather your things, shoving your feet into your shoes.

“Take this,” you rip the ring that suddenly didn’t mean anything to you anymore off your finger, shoving it into Jungkook’s palm. He stares at the jewelry, his eyes watery and blurry.

“Come on,” Taehyung says holding out his arm for you. With one last glance at Jungkook, you turn on your feet and walk out of his apartment. Jimin shuts the door behind of you two and you don’t even make it to their car when you break down into a full sob, Taehyung wrapping his arms around you protectively. You didn’t just walk out of Jungkook’s apartment—you’ve walked out of his life too.

SPRING

Spring was always your favorite season. The blossoming of trees and flowers always seemed to cheer up your mood. More sunlight meant more happiness and less seasonal depression. The warming weather was always a nice touch after cruel and harsh winters. This year though, you thought no one could hate Spring as much as you did.

Everyday was new challenge for you. When you and Jungkook first broke up—your feelings were indescribable. The mental and physical chest pains you experienced from your heartbreak were sure the worst you could ever have. You were a broken soul—a soul not meant for someone who you loved more than life itself sometimes.  

It was hard doing simple things—getting out of bed, doing your laundry, going to class, eating meals—it was all such a burden to you. You cried and cried and cried until you had no more tears left. Sleep was even worse as it meant your unconscious state always drifted into thoughts of Jungkook. There was the time frame where Jungkook called you, left messages and voicemails, tried to contact you through Taehyung and others—but it was all the more painful. However, you couldn’t bring yourself to rid any trace of him from your phone, afraid that you might forget what he looked or sounded like.

No one had ever seen you in such a broken state. You thought you’re mind couldn’t drift into worse territory until one night, you thought about Jungkook and his soulmate—whoever she was. You thought about him loving her, making love to her, taking pictures of her, marrying her, having kids with her, looking at her the way he looked at you—it completely shattered you even more. You don’t remember how much you drank that night. One shot of vodka? Two? Seven? Glasses of wine? It didn’t matter you just needed to forget.

It was when Taehyung found you that night passed out over your toilet, is when he recommended seeing someone. At first, your idea of going to a therapist over a failed relationship seemed silly. But Taehyung made sure that you and Jungkook were more than a college fling—it was real and it was going to take a lot of time to get over.

Your therapist was a nice woman, upper forties maybe, slim face and blonde hair. Your first couple sessions with her didn’t go as smooth as you wished for. She asked you hard questions that you weren’t willing to answer. The third session you went to, you broke down in front of a stranger becoming the most vulnerable you’d ever been.

She knew you loved Jungkook and he loved you just as deeply too. She explained soul-bonding more in depth to you that day. The universe has a reason why it pairs two souls together and why some people are left bare. It’s a phenomenon that’s barely studied but she suspects it’s more common than people want to believe. There’s also a process called soul-breaking, that is rare too but the consequences can bare far greater risks so majority of the people stay away from it.

Overall, you grew up your whole life thinking something was wrong with you. You thought you were a glitch because you didn’t receive a name on your body at 18. But if anything, meeting with your therapist made you realize that nothing was wrong with you. You live a healthy life, have a family, have friends, and you fell in love with someone—and all that is okay.

“I do believe if two people are meant to be together, they will be, someway or somehow,” she said to you one day.

Nearly two months after your break up and one month left until graduation—it was still hard. You had been prescribed antidepressants for a few weeks now and while it did numb your pain for the most part, there were times when thinking about Jungkook just made you want to curl into a ball and forget about your tasks for that day. You told yourself you needed to stop doing that though—you had to be strong otherwise you couldn’t move forward.

“Here you go,” Taehyung plops down a cup of steaming coffee and a bagel in front of you. Your stomach growls at the site.

“Thank you,” you give him a smile, “I’m starved.”

“I bet, you’ve been writing that paper for fucking hours,” he says digging into his own bagel with salmon and cream cheese. You should mention you hated salmon too now.

Taehyung was the greatest friend anyone could have, that you were sure of. Everyday, he called or texted to check in on you. He brought you food to make sure you were eating. Him and Jimin would invite you to the movies or restaurants with them. You refrained from going out to bars with them, too afraid you might run into the wrong people. Nonetheless, without Taehyung by your side, you were sure these past two months would have been much more difficult.

“I got my cap and gown in the mail,” he sings songs scrolling through his phone.

“Jesus Christ Tae, can you believe we’re graduating college?”

He laughs, “I said the same thing when we graduated high school,” he glances at you, “Look at us now bitches!” he holds his arms out dramatically.

You laugh at him, chewing on your food slowly. If there was one positive about being alone the past two months, it meant your illness had gone away completely. Your therapist explained how illnesses of different forms can plague people who play a role in betraying a soul-bonded person. Though you already knew that from your project last semester.

“Did you ever hear back from that company?” Taehyung asks you as you mule over in small conversation.

“Uh yeah,” you smile shyly, playing with the ends of your hair.

“Welllll?”

“I got an offer, if I want it,” your smile widens even more. Taehyung’s mouth drops open before it melts into his signature boxy smile.

“Wait, really? Holy shit, Y/N that’s amazing!”

“Thanks,” you look away from him, heating rushing to your cheeks. It was an exciting opportunity and you felt this was the path for you.

“But wait hold on,” he pauses, “Does this mean… you’re moving? To New York City?”

There’s the bombshell you haven’t dropped on many people yet. New York City. It was always a dream of yours to possibly live there one day. And now with nothing holding you back here, when you applied for the company and they asked a preferred location—you said fuck it.

“Yeah, later in the summer,” your voice is low. Taehyung’s shoulders drop, his happy mood diminishing ever so slightly.

“New York…” he ticks, “Well I’ve always wanted to go there so I’ll have to visit once or five times a year.”

You nod giving him a short wink, focusing on the rest of you coffee and food. Slowly but surely, you were getting better. You knew that your future days would be filled with five steps forward, two steps back but it was the natural process. Once you graduated and moved onto to bigger and better things—you’ll understand that this chapter, while thick and important, was only just a chapter. You have another one already waiting at the starting line to begin.

.

Jungkook was numb—literally numb as a needle digs in and out of skin, inking a flower onto his forearm. He had this one for awhile, but it still needed the little details to perfect the tattoo to his liking. His first tattoos, the scattered pieces on his hands were the most painful. However, now as he has a good amount of ink on his arm all the way to his shoulder, the pain isn’t there that much. He almost likes the stinging sensation as it gives him something to focus on rather than his intrusive thoughts.

The past few months haven’t been easy on him. Watching you walk away from him hit him harder than when Rose’s name showed up on his skin. And he just let you. Sure, he called and texted and persisted as much as he could but he knew he should have done more. He should have explained in more depth why he did what he did. Yes, it was because he loved you with every fiber of his being, but he genuinely didn’t care if he was meant for someone else. He wanted to be with you despite the situation present. There was surely something he could do to make it right but you were long gone from his life. He was stuck in a hole and he didn’t know how to get out.

Jungkook and Rose saw each other more frequently after his break up. She was so kind and so patient with him, he knew she deserved so much more. She never rushed anything with him, always waiting for his moves. The first time he kissed her, there was tingling deep in his chest. As great as kissing Rose was, she could never compare to you. It was hard and confusing for him to understand. He’s heard all his life—when soulmates cross paths and become intimate with each other, their whole world begins to revolve around them. That wasn’t the case though. As much as he was being pulled in by Rose, he was being pulled into a completely different direction. That wasn’t how bonded souls worked, he knew that much.

“You’re not very talkative today,” his tattooist comments as she wipes away the leftover ink on his arms. Jungkook always preferred a female to do his tattoos as they seem to have more control and a gentler grip.

“Just a lot on my mind,” he shrugs turning his head towards the tattoo needle.

“Women issues?” she raises an eyebrow at him.

“Is it that obvious?” he half laughs.

“My job requires a lot of listening and giving advice,” she says, “I know a damsel in distress when I see one.”

He doesn’t say anything as he watches the way she furrows her eyebrows, getting closer to his skin to add the finishing touches.

“Are you still with, Y/N? Was it?” she then asks. The mention of your name sends his face pale. How many months had it been since he last saw you or mentioned you? One, two, three? All of his days blended together so he’s lost track of time.

He shakes his head slowly, “No.”

She looks at him from the corner of her eyes, “Really? I thought you were gonna marry her?”

He bites down on his bottom lip to hold down his emotions before saying, “That was the plan until the universe decided to throw me bullshit.”

She’s never heard Jungkook sound angry. He’s always been very polite and an overall happy person. Jungkook felt he had a right to be angry and resentful. Unfortunately, that anger and resentment was sometimes projected onto those people around him. His roommates had to walk on eggshells around him now, afraid he might fully break if they said one wrong thing to him.

“When did this happen?” she knows exactly what he’s referring to.

“A few months back, around Christmas.”

“Have you met them yet? Your partner?” she pauses when she notices Jungkook’s jaw clenching as he’s staring at the ceiling now, “You don’t have to say anything if you’re uncomfortable. I just like to think I’m good at giving advice, is all.”

“Yeah, we’ve met,” he contemplates elaborating but does so anyways, “But it’s not this big grand affair that I was told about my whole life. She’s amazing and just my type, but… she’s not her. I like her a lot, but I don’t get the same fiery feeling I had with Y/N.”

“Hm,” she muses, putting down the tattoo gun, “You’re done,” she gives a small smile at him. He holds up his arm to inspect the new ink.

“Thanks, it looks great,” he gives her a small smile as she begins the aftercare process of petroleum jelly and a bandage.

“Can I see your mark?” she asks. He nods before shimmying his watch down his arm, revealing Rose’s name in thin cursive. The mark itself is still very much there, but recently it’s begun to fade and he wasn’t sure why.

“Sorry if I’m giving you too much information,” he laughs feeling slightly awkward as she inspects the name.

“It’s fine, I’m the one that asked,” she chuckles again before she sits back in her chair and begins to lift her own sleeve up. He’s confused as to what’s she doing but when she lays out her hand, he sees it. “This showed up when I was nineteen,” he reads the name that’s barely visible anymore—almost looking like a scar.

“Why’s it not dark anymore?” he asks.

“The same reason yours is fading too,” she looks back at his wrist.

“What do you mean fading?” so he wasn’t crazy—it was actually fading.

“It’s what happens when someone’s heart belongs to someone else,” she says, “I don’t know how to explain it but it occurs more than you think.”

She wraps up Jungkook’s forearm and he’s more confused than ever.

“The world is so fucked up,” he comments closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Heard that,” she nods in agreement, “Come on, I’ll ring you up.”

That day into the tattoo shop was a good day for him. It felt nice to open up about his situation to someone who seemingly understood what he was going through. Yes, the world was fucked up but so was everyone living in it. He didn’t understand the full meaning of his mark fading but he knew in the long run, he would deal with whatever was thrown at him. He had to otherwise he was going to live a long, miserable life. Besides, he knows that you would want him to be happy even though you probably hated him for what he did. He wants the same for you because at the end of the day, if he knew you were happy—he would be too.

. The smile on your face as you threw your cap into the air was probably the biggest and most genuine smile you’ve put on for months. The cheers and clapping from everyone in the room drowned out any tears that formed in your eyes. Of course you were happy to be done with university, but it was very bittersweet. The last four years of your life have been the best and worst possible. Everything you’ve learned here, you were sure would live with you for the rest of your life.

You find your parents and younger sister after the ceremony. The hug with your dad is the best you’ve had in a long time. He squeezes you tight, picking you up slightly.

“Gah, we’re so proud of you Y/N,” your mom dabs the inner corners of her eyes as she watches the seen unfold.

“I can’t believe my baby is graduated,” your dad pulls away, ruffling your hair a bit.

“Hey! Stop I spent time on this,” you step away from him, smoothing down your roots.

“Does this mean we get to go to New York now?” your big sister, Mia asks your parents. She’s pulls you into a hug which you exhale deeply in return. You didn’t get to see your sister as much as you wished, but growing up she was your rock. She was the best role model you could have asked for.

“Of course,” you say, “Only if you bring me bags and bags of those honey butter chips.”

“Anything you want we can bring it, or ship it!” your mom nods enthusiastically.

“What about me?” you turn around at the voice of Taehyung, throwing your arms around him.

“Holy shit Taehyung we’ve done it!” you exclaim. Your parents give you a slide on your language in front of them, understanding the circumstance.

“Mia! What’s up!?,” Taehyung pokes your sister on the shoulder before giving her a quick hug. He holds up his diploma and smiles, “Four years and thousands upon thousands of dollars later, we’ve made it.”

“Do you still wanna go downtown? Grab some dinner?” you ask your parents and they nod excitedly.

“Definitely—you choose wherever,” your father smiles. “Taehyung, you and Jimin are welcome to come if you don’t have any plans.”

“Oh we will definitely be there,” he smiles, “Just text me where you guys are going. I gotta go find the devil and my parents through all this mess. See you later!”

Later ended up being at a nicer restaurant downtown that you had never been to—too broke as a college student to ever think about coming here for dinner. You mulled over conversation with glasses of wine and good food, Taehyung being the star of the dinner table. Jimin smiled lovingly at his partner, slightly jealous that you and Taehyung were now finished with school. He’s got another year left in his master’s program so he’ll be graduated this time next year.

When you’re finally done with dinner, you part with your parents and sister for the evening outside the restaurant when you run into an all familiar face.

“Y/N?”

You turn to the source, “Namjoon?” a smile spreads over your face and you quickly make your way to him and give him a squeeze.

“Congrats!” he smiles when you pull away, looking back over your shoulder.

“You too, I can’t believe we’re done,” you laugh taking in his attire. He’s dressed in a nice button down and dress pants, glasses resting on his face looking dapper as ever. “Oh this is my family,” you introduce the them.

“Nice to meet you,” he smiles, “This is Kaya,” he smiles and you didn’t even realize he had company with him. You introduce yourselves to each other and she’s got to be one of the most beautiful girls you’ve met. They look damn good together.

“Nice to meet you,” you return your own smile.

“Is dinner here good?” he asks all of you. Everyone agrees in response and he looks over to Kaya, “Well, it was good to meet you all. Let’s catch up one day? You’re gonna be around in the city right?”

“A city yes,” Mia interjects crossing her arms, slightly envious of you, “Not this one, but New York City.”

Namjoon raises his eyebrows at you, “Wow, big girl things huh?”

You laugh repeating his words, “Big girl things.”

Namjoon and Kaya leave into the bustling restaurant after some finals words and you’re finally parting ways with your family. You mom and dad give you another bone crushing hug before they have to go back home. Mia looks at you with a sadness in her eyes and you furrow your eyebrows at her.

“What’s wrong?” you ask her as she hides herself in her shell.

“I don’t want you to leave,” she pouts, slumping her shoulders.

“I still have a few more months home,” you give her a smile, “And I promise you can visit me and I’ll come back as much as I can.”

“Promise?” she holds up her pinky. You link your pinkies together before nodding your head.

You bid your farewell’s to your family one last time before you’re left alone with Jimin and Taehyung.

“Your sister is funny,” Jimin comments as you begin to walk in the opposite direction of them. Your heels were absolutely killing your feet and you were tempted to take them off but thinking about the dirt and grim on the street made you think otherwise.

“She’s sweet on the outside but damn she can be a handful,” you laugh.

“She’s almost twenty five babe, about to hit her first mid-life crisis what do you expect?” Taehyung says.

Minuscule conversation occurs between the three of you before they have to part ways too. Taehyung and Jimin were meeting up with Taehyung’s parents at a bar just outside the city to celebrate. The sun was now setting, the air warm and sticky as you hugged them off. You were walking back to the parking garage that you had your car when something catches your eye on the way. Downtown was filled with bars, restaurants, boutiques and what nots, but you’ve never seen this before. It was an art studio of sorts, pictures—digital and art canvases—hanging from the windows.

You stared at the plexiglass, a sense of familiarity crossing your mind the longer you stared at the blown up photographs. You take a peak at the hours listed on the door and see that they don’t close for another twenty minutes or so. Curiosity getting the best of you, you swing open the door, silence engulfing you as you step in.

Your heels clink against the hardwood, glancing around the space. It’s quite spacious, pictures lining the walls up and down all the way to the back. A few art pieces are strayed in the middle of the floor. You walk slowly around the gallery, admiring the painted canvases and shots of various things. You pick up there’s different artists and photographs displaying their works and when you get towards the back left corner of the place, you stop in your tracks.

A gallery of scenic pictures ranging from clouds, to the sea, to the cityscapes, and more hang beautifully in thin frames. Something twists inside you as you feel deep down that you’ve seen some of these before you just cannot put your finger on it. It’s when you see a picture to the farthest right when you feel yourself skipping a breath. Your mouth parts when you realize what it it—or who it is. It’s you. It’s black and white film developed, the side of your face looking off into the distance with trees behind you. Your mind flashes back to that day in the park—with Jungkook—a small picnic he set up when you first got together.

“Y/N?” you whip around at the sound of your name.

“J-Jungkook?” his name leaves your lips instantly. He’s emerged from a back room stopping dead in his tracks. You’re speechless. He looks so good—better than you remember. His hair a little longer with blonde tips, a white button up, sleeves rolled up with black slacks that he fills out perfectly.

“H-hey,” he speaks first. His eyes trailing up and down your body quickly. You subconsciously glance down at your frame, the white dress and heels you’re wearing hoping to match how he good looks. “What are you doing here?”

“I—“ you pause looking back at the pictures, “I was just passing by and was curious, I didn’t know this place existed.”

Slowly, he steps closer to you shoving his hands in his pockets. His ears are red and he can’t believe that you’re here, looking at his favorite picture he ever took of you.

“It just opened up recently,” he says getting closer to you, though leaving a considerable amount of space between you two. “I started selling some of my pieces through here,” he explains.

“That’s great Jungkook,” you give him a small smile to hide the hurt you’re actually feeling. It’s been months and suddenly all of your progress seems to have backtracked. He was so beautiful—the most perfect man you have ever met—and he’s standing here before you again. Jungkook can’t believe his eyes either—you’re here, feet away from him, something he thought he’d never see anymore.

“How are you doing?” he asks, unable to take his off you. You can feel him staring holes into you and you can’t bring yourself to look at him just yet.

“I’m good, you?” you continuously stare at his photos, feeling self conscious the more you stand in his presence.

“I’m okay,” better now that you’re here, is what he wants to say, but he refrains. “You look good,” he says and you look over and up at him, meeting his eye contact.

“You too,” you nod, your eyes trailing down to his wrist, not even realizing what you’re doing. His watch still there, hasn’t moved since the last time you saw him. You feel a tingle in your fingertips and chest, unable to hide your awkwardness.

“Y/N,” he stops himself so you’ll look at him again. Fuck, he loves it when you look at him like that. “Would you want to get some coffee one day? Or something like that?” his words are brave and you can’t believe he said them.

As much as you know you shouldn’t—that you might be setting yourself up for further hurt—something between the two makes you say otherwise. Besides, you’ve been hurt enough, what’s a little more going to do?

You slowly with a small smile, “What about right now? A-are you free?”

He glances at his photos with a small smile in return before glancing back to you, his shoulders slumping as if a weight has been lifted from his shoulders.

“Yeah… yeah I’m free.”

#goldenclosetnet #btsgoldnet #heartsforbts #jungkook #jungkook drabble #jungkook scenario #jungkook x you #jungkook x oc #jungkook x reader #jungkook angst #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #bts smut #bts fluff #bts angst #jungkook oneshot #soulmate au #college au #jeon jungkook

[nikki152006]

Movie Night Heartbreak - Kaminari X Reader

We're having a movie night!" Kaminari sang out to you, making you laugh at your boyfriend. You and Kaminari had been dating for three months now, and were in a happy relationship, backed up by the whole Bakusquad, even Bakugou.

"Okay, what are we watching!" you asked the other members of the Bakusquad.

"Romantic movie?" Kaminari and Sero asked together. The rest of you said, "Naaaaah.", much to their sorrow.

"Action movie!" Kirishima and Mina suggested. You and Bakugou shared a glance and smiled evilly.

"A horror movie!" you and Bakugou cried out loud. "And the one who doesn't like the idea is literally trying to challenge me!" he said, activating small sparks on his hands.

"(NAME)! You traitor!" Kaminari shouted while you all laughed at his already scared figure.

"Okay, today night, 11pm, get all the popcorn and stuff, leave convincing Mr. Aizawa to me and Bakugou." you said and walked out, along with Bakugou. Being the third topper in class, with Bakugou as second, it was never too hard for you two to convince Mr. Aizawa.

_____________________________________________________________

"OKAY!" Mina shouted. "Here's the popcorn!" she said, handing out everyone a bowl each. You all sat cuddled up in Bakugou's room, you next to Kaminari on one side and Mina on the other. The movie started.

It was scary. Even Bakugou yelped a few times during jump-scares and stuff. Kaminari, on the other hand, was hold you tight, you doing the same, affectionately.

"Damn, (Name)." he whispered. "If it was a romantic movie, we could have been making out right now."

You giggled and pecked his cheek. "My little baby Pikachu." you said, "A horror movie is more of a romantic one. Don't you see what position you are in?" He looked up at you and looked at his body, finding his face in your chest, hands around your waist and legs around yours. He blushed wildly and loosened his grip due to embarrassment. You gripped him harder and he blushed even more.

There was a knock on the door and an annoyed Bakugou paused the movie and checked out who it was.

"HAH!? EARS! WHAT DO YOU WANT!?" he shouted. The rest of your drifted your eyes to the door.

"That's Jirou, isn't it." Mina asked. You agreed with a "Hmmm."

"Why is she here though?" Kaminari asked, "Did anyone of you invite her?"

"No, Denki, it's just a Bakusquad here." you said, remembering no mention of anyone else joining you.

"Dunce-face!" Bakugou called out, "She's got talk to you so shit out!"

"Huh, me?" Kaminari asked, confused. You looked at him with raised eyebrows, "Did you do something naughty?"

"No, plus I don't understand why it's her and not Iida if I did do something wrong." he said, getting up and leaving.

Bakugou came back and sat on Kaminari's spot. You looked at him and he had a weird expression on his face.

"Anything wrong?" you asked him. He nodded. Sero, Mina and Kirishima also quietened down to listen.

"I've got this feeling that Ears would try seducing him or something." Bakugou said, making you all laugh. He growled at you all and told you all to "Shut up.."

"Jirou isn't like that." you said, "Plus I think she's crushing on you." At this information, all of the Bakusquad members let out a  "Huh?" while Bakugou made a disgusted face.

"Really?" Kirishima asked, smiling widely. "Yeah." you said, "I mean, we're almost like friends and she keeps on saying things like -" you used your fingers as quotes quoting Jirou - "*Bakugou's muscular arms are way better than Kaminari's* ..then also, *Bakugou is hotter than Kaminari* and *I'm so jealous Bakugou likes you so much* and shit like that."

"You're an idiot." Bakugou said with wide eyes.

"I-I think I'll agree." Kirishima said. You turned to him in confusion.

"What?" you whined.

"(Name).." Mina said, "she's literally making you try to notice Bakugou more than Kaminari, and trying to get your mind off of him. No wonder she was acting so weird with us all week long."

"I-...but..." you muttered in shock.

"Woah, Bakubro! You figured quick." Kirishima said, at which Bakugou nodded and turned to you.

"Right now." he gruffed, "Let's focus on what she says to or does with dunce face." You all nodded and walked towards the door. Just as you began opening it, Kaminari slammed it open.

"Woah." you all said in unison.

"Are we not watching the movie anymore?" Kaminari asked. You all said, "We were about to check on you." again in unison and plopped back on the bed, as Kaminari shut the door and made his way upto the bed.

"Was anything wrong?" you asked, ruffling his hair as he sat beside you. He shook his head in denial and asked you all to play the movie. You all exchanged glances, knowing Kaminari would've done anything to avoid the movie. Bakugou played the movie and you both exchanged worried glances.

Almost half an hour had passed but Kaminari was just sitting straight, and not in your lap as usual. A sudden panic overtook you, as you remembered what your three friends had said while he was away.

You pulled Kaminari into your lap and hugged him. "Let me enjoy my romantic movie, Denki." you whispered into his ear. He looked up at you and flashed a smile before nuzzling into you.

He slept there.

The movie ended and Bakugou growled as he got the sleeping Mina and Kirishima off him. You chuckled at him.

"Need help?" you said, softly placing Kaminari on the side and walking over to help a struggling Bakugou.

----

"Mmm? (Name)?" Kaminari called out. He opened his eyes slowly and rubbed them while getting up. He glanced around. (Name) was getting Kirishima off Bakugou as Bakugou was pushing Mina off. They both giggled. A sudden ache spread across Kaminari's chest as he observed both of them, giggling and drawing on Mina and Kirishima's sleeping faces. Jirou's words danced across his brain.

"It was true?" he mumbled, as his voice was mumbled by the giggles.

"N-No..." he said, as his eyes widened.

"I-I...Jirou was right...She...She was...I-I think...I think I should do as she said." he mumbled.

----

"Bakugou, gimme the marker." you mumbled, examining the scribbles on Mina's face, "I forgot to draw around her eyes."

Bakugou, who had successfully finished Kirishima, gave you the marker and you drew circles around Mina's eyes.

"Now dunce face." Bakugou said.

"Leave him out of this." you said, not looking at him.

"Oh." Bakugou said, giggling, as he got up and walked to get some water, while raising his voice slightly so that you could hear, "You love dunce face too much?"

"Ugh..." you groaned, "Look, it's not about that, but I don't want him to wake up and find out that he's- "

Bakugou cut you off, saying, "(Name)'s so in love with dunce face that she's forgetting that I exist."

You stared at him. "Don't you dare!" you snarled. Bakugou merely chuckled, took out another marker and walked towards his bed.

"Bakugou! I'll make that picture of you sleeping I have go viral if you dare to." you snapped.

"Oh, I wonder when you both have been sleeping together." Kaminari's bitter voice drew both of your attention.

"Huh?" you said, confused. "We haven't." Bakugou said to him, blandly.

"Sure." Kaminari said, as his words were drenched in sarcasm and bitterness.

"Wh-What's wrong? Denki, are you alright?" you asked, getting up and walking towards him.

"Stay back." he spat at you. You felt a sharp pang in your heart.

"Looks like Ears has got him." Bakugou said, "Listen, dunce face-"

Kaminari cut him off, saying, "NO Bakugou! You don't get to say anything when you break MY relationship!"

"Wha- Denki, listen, that's not true!" you tried to say, "Bakugou isn't coming in anywhere, in fact he warned me that Jirou would try to break us apar-"

"NO (NAME)! ENOUGH! THAT IS JUST ENOUGH!"

"Hey.." Kirishima, who had woken up by the noise said groggily, "(Name) is right, Jirou has been acting weird all this time."

"Yeah.." Mina said, "She even tried to make (Name)-" but again, Kaminari cut them off,

"AND WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU SAY! HUH? AFTER ALL! YOU ARE BAKUGOU AND (NAME)'S LAPDOGS!"

That hurt them and they shut up, staring at Kaminari, who was tearing up. Everyone there knew he was hurt and didn't blame him for what he said but everything he did say hurt alot.

"Denki..please atleast listen." you croaked out as tears rolled out of your eyes.

"No." he said, wiping his tears. "I think Jirou is way more good to be a girlfriend than you are. I'm breaking up with you right now. Enjoy Bakugou, bitch."

He stomped out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Tears fell from your eyes as you stared at the doors with a pained expression.

"I-I'm.." Bakugou whispered out, "I'm really sorry, I should've...not...hung around you so much." His voice was pained and you knew why. Kirishima and Bakugou were like your brothers. You cried as you sunk onto the ground. There was a long awkward silence,  only filled with your sobs and the other three's sniffs.

After some time, they three, along with Sero walked upto you and sat beside you, and stayed there until you all fell asleep.

_____________________________________________________________

"(Name)?" Uraraka called put to you, the next morning. You had just showered and walked down to the common room. Al most everyone was gathered there and they all wore worried looks.

"Yea?" you groaned, rubbing your already puffy eyes.

"Uh, last night." Uraraka said.

"Don't." you groaned as you eyes Jirou with a viscous look.

"I'm sorry I'm late!" Kaminari said, bringing two bowls of ice cream and plopping beside Jirou and handing her one. He eyes drifted to you for a second, then drifted off.

Kirishima and Mina came in, and Bakugou, who was sitting beside Midoriya, Sero, Momo and Todoroki, got up and the boys followed.

"Everyone!" Momo called out, "It pains me to say this but it will be unfair if I don't."

Everyone drifted their eyes to Momo. Bakugou shot you a reassuring glance.

"Yesterday night, the commotion we all witnessed, was caused due to Kaminari breaking up with (Name)! We all know that, don't we?" Everyone nodded and murmured a yes. Kaminari looked around, confused, and Jirou looked surprised and shocked.

"Well! I want to tell you all!" Momo announced, as her expressions faltered, "That Jirou, my best friend had told me during breakfast yesterday that the break up was due that night."

"Yeah, I heard too." Hagakure added. "Mee too." Tokoyami said and some other students murmured a yes.

"Also, Jirou, from the last one month has been trying to get (Name) to notice Bakugou, and think about him romantically."

"Wait." Kaminari said, "What shit?"

"Yes, Kaminari, " Momo said, sadly, "Jirou has been trying to make (Name) interested in Bakugou but (Name) thought she crushed on him instead."

"Ohh!" Uraraka cried, "And also, yesterday, Jirou said something like - That bitch (Name) will pay for having Kaminari!"

"Yeah!" Momo said, "Kaminari, Bakugou just told me what happened last night, but the truth is, Jirou has always been jealous of your and (Name)'s relationship and so, she set it all up!"

"(Name) is like a shitty sister to me." Bakugou gruffed.

You subconsciously threw a pillow at him and looked at Kaminari, who looked petrified and shocked. He turned to Jirou who was shaking in shock and was gritting her teeth.

"Is-Is that true?"Kaminari asked, facing you. You stared at him, blankly.

"You know." you said in a soft voice, "You don't need to consider it true if any freaking girl can come over and make you trust her more than any of Bakugou, me or our 'lapdogs.'  "

Kaminari's eyes widened.

"I-.." he tried to say, and everyone looked at you, hopefully.

"Yeah yeah.." you sighed out, "Just trust me more." Kaminari's eyes brightened as he jumped over to hug you and you hugged him back.

"NO!" Jirou shouted. "STAY AWAY FROM HIM!"

Shinsou used his scarves to capture her and then handed the scarves to Bakugou, saying, "Here's the leash to the bitch."

Kaminari squeezed  you in his arms, muttering apologies continuously,   and calling himself a dork for questioning your loyalty. He kissed you quickly at which the girls exclaimed an  "Aww" while Bakugou and Shinsou let out "Eww."s

Kaminari asked you to give him a moment to talk privately and you both walked over to his room.

Kaminari dropped on his knees and began begging you to forget what he did and continue like there was nothing wrong that night. You sighed as you dropped on your knees.

"My heart broke." you said, making him look down in regret, "But I know yours did too and that is why you acted like that." He looked up, with a small smile.

"It's okay." you said, hugging him and pulling in to his his lips.

"Now," you said, after you both pulled away, "It's best you apologize to our lapdogs too."

"I love you, (Name)." he whispered into your ear.

"I love you too, dork." you said, kissing his forehead as you both walked out, giggling at Jirou's annoyed screams as she tried to escape Shinsou's scarves.

#mha kaminari #jirou #bakugo #kirishima #denki #sero #kaminari denki/shinsou hitoshi #kaminari x you #kaminari imagine #denki kaminari #denki x reader #denki fluff #shinso #kaminari #denki angst #denki fanart #denki x you #mha x you #bnha #mha

[lotusss-flowerbomb]

Nice To Meet You (2)

Bucky x Wilson!reader

Warning: 18+, Smut (seriously, children are not welcomed here)

Word Count: 3,152 (I literally tried so hard to keep this short)

********

The drive to the docks to meet Sam and Sarah was too quick. You wanted to spend more time with him alone.

Once you arrived, you kept your distance from both Bucky and Sam and helped Sarah most of the time. You were sitting something inside of the wheel house when she silently followed behind you. You paused to look at Bucky and then turned around almost crashing into her.

"You know those glances you've been giving him hasn't been as subtle as you think," she squinted.

"Girl, what are you even talking about??" You feigned innocence.

She just stared at you until you finally cracked.

"Damn it!" You looked out at Sam and Bucky talking.

"So?? Tell me everything," she motioned for you to hurry up with her hand. "How was it?"

"Amazing," you sighed as you thought about all the nasty things the two of you had done.

"Aye man, what are you smiling about? Are you even listening to me? Why are you so weird?" You heard Sam yell.

When you looked up, you saw the window was open. Your heart rate sped up. There's simply no way he heard that... Did he??

"I can't believe you slept with a man you just met and Sam's friend of all people, " she shook her head.

"You look out there at that man and you look me in my face and tell me that you wouldn't," you challenged her.

"Yeah, he's kinda cute for a white guy," she said.

"Besides, they're not friends... they're coworkers."

When Bucky started laughing, you knew he could hear you. He got a real kick out of hearing you use the line he'd tried using on you last night.

You slammed the window shut embarrassed. Once Sarah realized what had just happened she fell into a fit of laughter.

"It's not funny, that's so embarrassing," you put your face in your hands.

"I just want to know how you plan on telling Sam? You know how he gets, he's gonna shit a brick."

"I know and I don't care if he's mad at me, but I don't want him to be mad at Bucky."

"Ooh, a sneaky link," she danced.

"Girl bye!" You laughed. "What do you know about a sneaky link?" You walked outside.

"I got Tik Tok too," she bragged.

You all finished the work you were doing on the boat for the day. You were happy Bucky was there to help move things along faster. You shook your head at the way he and Sam constantly bickered back and forth throughout the day.

"I know what I'm doing, I've been fixing on this boat my whole life!" Sam would yell.

"Hey, pipe down. You're still wet behind the ears. Just let me show you!" Bucky yelled back.

"Will you two just get a room?" Sarah asked, finally getting them to shut up.

Back home, the boys wanted to spend the rest of their weekend at their friend's house and Sarah welcomed the break.

"Alright, my kids aren't here so I'm not cooking," your sister announced.

"It's Sam's turn anyway," you said.

"No, it's your turn," he fired back.

"I cooked yesterday, you weren't here. Bucky ate, so it counts."

"Bucky definitely ate," he said.

Sarah choked on her drink. Sam, completely oblivious, patted her back and made a comment about hef never knowing how to drink without choking since she was little.

"So, pizza? Yeah, I'll order pizza. Sam, Sarah your usual right?"

"Yep," she answered in between breaths.

"Got it, I'll go up and order online." You jogged out of the room.

When Bucky followed behind you Sam asked where he was going.

"I'm from New York, Sam. I'm gonna make sure she picks the best pizza place." He said matter of factly.

When you two finally got to your room, you smacked Bucky on the arm.

"Ow!" He whined.

"Oh, please!" You smacked him again, "are you trying to get us caught?" 

"Mmm hmm," he pulled you close and kissed your neck.

Your body melted into his. Unable to resist his advances, you put your arms around his neck and kissed him. Soon after your legs were wrapped around his waist and he had you pressed up against the wall.

"I want to fuck you so bad," he said in between kisses.

"Then do it," you teased.

Bucky didn't waste a single second turning you around and pulling down your joggers. He kicked your feet apart and pushed inside of you.

"Oh, fuck yesss," you hissed.

He put his hand over your mouth. The last thing he wanted was to be distracted by your sounds of pleasure and unable to hear someone coming.

Your pussy was so wet. The sloshing sound was driving him crazy and he wanted to get on his knees and suck it, but knew better.

He wanted to see your face, so he turned you back around and lifted you up again. This time he slid into your pussy slowly, watching as your mouth opened and you tried desperately not to make a sound.

"Do you know how good you feel?" He said into your ear. "I'm gonna cum in this tight little pussy. It's mine now and I don't care who knows it."

You grabbed his chin and pressed your lips to his. The knot in your belly unraveled as you creamed all over his dick.

"That's my girl," he fucked you quicker and harder as you tightened around him.

Bucky moaned into your mouth as his body stiffened and he came inside of you. He used one hand to brace himself on the wall and the other to keep you in place. He stopped you when you unwrapped your legs.

"No, wanna feel you," he panted into your throat.

"We don't have time for this, one of them will eventually come see what's taking so long," you wiggled out of his hold.

He let you down, but not before he got one more kiss.

He pulled his pants up while you grabbed a towel from the bathroom and wrapped yourself in it. You quickly placed the order for the pizzas and turned on your shower.

"Bucky, no," you giggled when he tried to follow you in.

"Fine," he kissed you and smacked your ass before leaving quickly.

********

"They've been up there for a long time," Sam said to Sarah.

"They're probably talking. You know how much she loved hearing old stories from daddy. He's probably telling her about how he was there when the wheel was invented or something," she replied.

"Mmm, I'ma go see," he said and walked away before she could stop him.

Bucky slipped into the guest room right before Sam hit the top of the stairs. He quickly rounded the bed and grabbed his bag as if he'd been looking through it.

"Hey, where's Y/N?" Sam questioned.

"Said she was getting in the shower," he never looked up.

"Oh... Why are your pants unzipped in my house?"

"Because I was also going to get in the shower, is that okay?" Bucky finally looked up at him and rolled his eyes.

Sam squinted at him before walking the short distance to your room. He could hear the water going in your bathroom, so he finally relaxed. Bucky came out of the guest room to go in the bathroom across the hall. He just shook his head at Sam. The man was definitely gonna pop a vein when he found out about the two of you.

********

While you all ate Sam and Bucky talked about their infamous first meeting.

"The guy puts his arm through my windshield and snatches the steering wheel clean off," Sam laughed. "Then I watched him jump over the side of a bridge and land on his feet."

"Come on, man," Bucky sounded embarrassed and looked over at you.

"It's funny now. Not so much back when you were trying to kill me, but definitely now," he took a drink.

"Alright, enough of those stories time for music," Sarah saved him. "Alexa, play some old school."

Alexa lit up and played Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye.

"Nooo, Alexa, next song!" Sam yelled.

Alexa played Love and Happiness by Al Green.

"Oh, this the one right here," he stood.

You and Sarah stood on each side of him and let him take lead, eventually coming in to be his back up vocals.

Bucky couldn't help but smile seeing the three of you together.

"Ooh, come on, Buck, let's dance," you put your hand out.

"What? No, I haven't danced since the 40's," he said and took a sip of his whisky.

"Well, you're long overdue then," you grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet.

You both swayed to the music. He smiled at you as he held on to your hips and led the dance. You were so caught up in him that you hadn't noticed Sam stopped singing and was just staring at you.

It wasn't until the music abruptly stopped that you remembered your siblings were even there.

Sam's jaw was on the ground as he stared at the two of you. You jumped out of his arms and started to explain, but he made a beeline for Bucky.

"Sam—"

He punched him in the face causing Bucky to flip over a chair.

"Samuel!" You and Sarah both yelled.

"He had it coming!" He walked away.

You helped Bucky up.

"Why didn't he hit that hard a few days ago when Walker was kicking our asses," he rubbed a finger across his eye.

"Are you okay? I didn't think he'd ever react like that," you checked his face.

"I'm fine," he assured you. "I should probably go," he said.

"You don't have to go, I'll talk to him. Besides, he just punched you; he didn't say you had to leave." You walked away to find your brother.

Sarah grabbed ice for his face and started cleaning up.

********

"Samuel Thomas Wilson!" You screamed when you saw his silhouette pacing back and forth on the dock. "Have you lost your mind?!"

"Have you?!" He yelled back.

"You're a real piece of work, do you know that?"

"Of all the men in the world, why did you have to choose him?"

"Oh please, you're acting like I ran off and married the guy," you rolled your eyes.

"That's just it, the man's been through enough. He doesn't need you playing with him and trying to figure it out."

"Wait, you're mad at me?? Why the hell did you hit him?"

"I'm mad at both of you. I don't want him hooking up with my kid sister. He's too damn old, " he said, finally starting to calm down.

"Hate to burst your bubble, but I'm not a kid anymore and the man is too old for everyone." You sat down and swung your feet over the edge.

"You'll always be my baby," he sat next to you.

"How's your hand?"

"Hurts like a bitch. The guy is very literally hard headed," he chuckled.

********

You found Bucky in the guest room lying in bed with the ice pack on his face.

"How's the eye?" You leaned up against the door.

"It'll survive," he looked over at you.

You walked over to the bed and laid flat on your back next to him. You were quiet until you couldn't hold in your laugh any longer.

"What's so funny?"

"He socked the shit out of you."

"Right?!" He laughed along with you. "But it was worth it. Besides, I had it coming. I did rip the man's steering wheel off while he was driving after all." He chuckled, referencing the earlier conversation.

"You know, he just jumped at the very first boyfriend I ever had and that poor guy never called me again," you moved the ice from his face.

"Yeah well, I don't scare that easily," he pecked your lips with a soft kiss.

You put your hand out for him to grab.

"You sure I'm not gonna get punched again," he laced his fingers with yours.

"Oh please, it was just a little love tap," you led him to the bedroom.

He locked the door behind you then quickly scooped you up to lie you down on your back.

"Bucky," you giggled as he kissed the insides of your thighs.

"I'm going back to Brooklyn tomorrow. I need to taste you one more time before I go." He pulled off your pants.

He slowly slid your underwear off and stuffed them in his back pocket. He definitely needed something to remember this moment by.

Bucky rubbed your pussy and then slowly pushed two fingers inside of you.

"Fuck, look how wet you are and I've barely touched you." He admired the wetness on his fingers when he pulled them out.

You opened your mouth wide and stuck your tongue out, letting him know you wanted a taste.

He happily stuck his fingers in your mouth. His dick pulsing as he watched you suck on his fingers. He could no longer resist diving in between your thighs after watching how much you enjoyed tasting yourself.

Bucky expertly rolled his tongue over your clit. Watching you as you struggled to keep quiet.

He rolled over onto his back while keeping you in place, so you were now riding his face. You buried your face in the pillows and let out the moans you'd been holding back.

"Fuck my tongue," he smacked your ass.

You bounced your ass on his face while he licked and sucked you.

Bucky stroked his cock. His balls were so full, he'd be cumming in no time.

"I'm gonna cum," you gripped the sheets.

Bucky flipped you again, as much as he wanted you to cum on his face, he wanted to see you come apart beneath him even more.

He pushed your legs back and nudged into you. Your breath caught in your throat as he stretched you.

He rubbed your clit as he fucked you slowly and deliberately. Putting his hand around your throat and squeezing lightly until damn broke and you shattered to pieces.

He caught your screams with his mouth and kept fucking until he could no longer hold back. He came inside of you for the second time that night.

After getting cleaned up, he wrapped his arms around you and before long he was asleep. You thought about what Sam said about him having been through enough. Sure, you had your time when you were just living life and didn't take men seriously, but after the blip you've realized that life is way too short. Besides, you actually liked Bucky and wanted to get to know him.

You ran your finger across the stubble on his sleeping face. His soft breathing continued as his fingers flexed lightly on your back.

Normally, even that light touch would've awakened him, but right now, he was completely comfortable and felt safe there with you and your family.

********

The next day Bucky got up early. He decided not to wake you and made his way down the stairs. Sam was already outside throwing the shield around.

Bucky walked up, but the two men didn't speak for a while. It wasn't until Sam threw the shield and Bucky caught it did they break the silence.

"I should've said something. The moment we got to the boat, I should've told you," he said.

"Yeah, you should have," Sam finally stopped to look at him. "That's my baby sister, man."

"I know and I didn't plan for it, hell, I didn't even know you had sisters... Or a boat? Which she got on my ass about by the way," he smiled.

"As she should," he laughed.

The two men talked about a few things and finally Bucky opened up to Sam a little bit.

"You still having those nightmares?" He asked.

"All the time... Except these past two nights." He inhaled as he felt himself becoming emotional. "For the first time in a long time, I felt a little at peace. Even when I was in Wakanda, I always felt like someone was coming, but with Y/N, I just..." his words trailed off.

"You know the Wilson's, we good for the soul man," Sam joked. "You can't use her as a crutch though," he became serious.

Bucky nodded in agreement. He knew exactly what he meant.

"You ready for a little bit of tough love?" He asked the older man.

********

You and Sarah watched out of the window while the two men talked.

"Oh look, they're doing the little high five dap thing," you said.

"He's walking away. Wow, that man broke your back and now he's leaving without saying goodbye," she teased.

"The hell he is," you ran to the front door.

"Hey!" You yelled after snatching it open and running out.

You ran past your brother and jumped into Bucky's arms. Wrapping your legs around him, you gave him a long, tongue filled goodbye kiss.

He set you on your feet after finally pulling himself away. You reached up and pinched his arm.

"Ow! Why is this family so violent?!" He yelled dramatically.

"How dare you try to leave without saying bye to me?" You huffed.

"I'm sorry, doll, but I'm not so good at goodbyes," he hugged you close. "I have some things I need to do back home, but I promise I'll be back as soon as I can."

"You'd better," you kissed him again. "Come on, I'll take you to the airport." You tugged him towards your car.

********

It had been weeks since you'd last seen Bucky, but you spoke on the phone almost everyday. You were excited when he told you that he was coming back to visit and would be at the big cookout.

You mingled with the people while you waited for him to show up, sitting with a group of friends talking when AJ and Cass took off running past you. You turned to see where they were headed and you saw Bucky walking up with a cake in his hand and sunglasses on.

"Damn, he looks better in person," one of your friends said.

"That he does. Excuse me, ladies," you vacated your seat and walked over to him.

The smile that stretched across his face was a mile long.

"Sargeant."

"Hey, baby doll," he wrapped his arms around you and kissed you passionately.

"Alright, alright, enough of that. We're trying to eat here." Sam said.

Bucky clapped his friend on the back and you all sat down together.

Bucky looked around the table at all the smiling faces. He never thought he'd have happiness. Let alone people he could call family. He kissed you at your temple one more time. The way you looked at him made his heart flutter.

Finally. The calm he'd been searching for.

#Bucky x reader #Bucky Barnes #bucky x you #Smut #marvel smut #marvel fanfic #Avengers #falcon and the winter soldier

[wicked-mind]

Always and Forever

Summary: Bucky met the love of his life in 1942 and she lost him in 1945.

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: Happy. Sweet. Then sad. Sad. Sad. Sad. I also wrote this in 40 minutes so if it’s shit... well at least it’s got Bucky in it.

All Writings Masterlist

He met her in 1942.

The dancehall was filled with men twirling their ladies on the dance floor. The air was thick with laughter and joy. She was standing alone, drinking a small glass of wine, twirling her fingers around the rim of the wine glass. And Bucky saw her and almost lost his breath, losing feelings in his knees. She was so damn gorgeous in her light purple dress that went down to her knees and the sleeves went to her elbows with pearls around her neck. Her lips were painted red and he envied when she brought the wine glass to her lips.

“Now how is it the most beautiful woman here is all alone at the bar?” Bucky asks, a crooked grin on his lips with his hands tucked into his black plants. He wore his dress greens and his hat was slightly tilted on his head.

Y/N looked over at him from under her darkened eyelashes, a smile playing on her red lips, “Maybe I’m just waiting for the right man to ask me to dance.” She replied in a soft tone, her eyes examining every feature of his face. He was very handsome, but also cute in the way he had that boyish grin on his lips. His blue eyes were hypnotizing, possibly the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen.

Bucky took a step closer to her, “Well then, doll, may I have this dance?” He asks, holding his hand out for her to take. The tempo of the music changed from a quick paced song to a slow song played on a piano.

Y/N bit her bottom lip softly, her eyes flickering to his outstretched hand before back up to his eyes, “You may.” She said to him, setting her glass down on the bar and taking his hand in her’s. He lead her to the dance floor, gently placing one had on the small of her back and holding her hand against his chest. Y/N placed one hand up around the back of his neck, swaying in tune with him as she watched him closely with a small smile on her lips.

Bucky grinned down at her, a little bit in disbelief he was able to get her onto the dance floor with him. But another man’s loss was his treasure. He felt butterflies in his stomach at holding her close to him, finally finding his words, “What’s your name, doll?”

“Y/N Y/L/N.” She told him in her soft voice, “And what’s your name?”

“Sergeant James Barnes.” Bucky replied with a crooked grin, “But all my friends and pretty girls call me Bucky.”

“And which category do I fall into?” Y/N asks up to him, squeezing her hand in his gently.

Bucky couldn’t help but feel breathless at the squeeze of his hand from her, “Both, I’m hoping.” The rest of their dance was silent as they stared up into each other’s eyes. Bucky could swear he could feel electricity run through him with every touch she gave him, every light squeeze of his hand. It wasn’t long until the dancehall started to close up and people started clearing out. Bucky walked her out of the dancehall, arm around her waist gently as he walked her home like a gentleman. He was joking with her, making her laugh and it was like music to his ears. When he got to her front door to her apartment, he was grinning down at her, “Can I see you again, Y/N?”

Y/N smiled at him, tilting her head slightly allowing her curls to fall to one side of her neck, “I would be offended if you didn’t.” She replied, standing on her toes in her heels to press a kiss on his cheek that left an imprint on his skin due to her red lipstick, “Goodnight, Bucky.”

“Goodnight, doll.” Bucky’s face hurt with how large of a grin sat on his lips.

With that, their magical night ended. But it didn’t take long for them to see each other again and again. They were crazy about each other, always laughing and hanging off of each other that it caused old ladies to glare at their forwardness in public affection. Anytime Bucky saw Y/N, he would pick her up in his arms and spin her around leaving kisses on her nose, cheeks, and finally to her lips. He wore her red lipstick on his face proudly, never wiping it away. He took her to fairs, buying her all the cotton candy and winning all the stuffed animals they could carry. Bucky always had to be touching her whether it was holding her hand, his arm around her waist, his hand on the small of her back, or his arm dangling over her shoulders. He had proudly introduced Y/N to his best friend Steve, who although seemed a tad bit jealous of their relationship, became quick friends with Y/N. Bucky even introduced her to his family who adored her greatly.

They sat in Bucky’s car at the drive in movie, Bucky feeding her bits of popcorn and not even paying attention to the movie on the big screen in front of them. His full attention was on her, one arm wrapped around her shoulders. Once the popcorn in his free hand was gone, he grabs her chin between his fingers and pulls her face to look him in the eyes, “Y/N…” He began, “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, you know that? You drive me crazy, like literally crazy. I was wondering…” He paused, his face scanning her’s, “Will you be my girl?”

Y/N smiles over at him, chuckling a little at his question, “Sergeant Barnes, I thought I already was.” She said over to him softly, “That’s what I’ve been telling all my girlfriends anyway.”

Bucky beamed at her response, leaning towards her and kissing those red lips he loved so much. His arm around her shoulder pulled her in closer, deepening the kiss as he ran his tongue along her lower lip as if to beg to enter and when her lips parted, he didn’t waste anytime letting his tongue explore the inside of her mouth. They didn’t end up watching the rest of the movie, not that they were really paying attention in the first place. They couldn’t keep their lips off of each other, smiling at each other between kisses and giggling as well. Bucky drove her home and ended up sleeping next to her, being a perfect gentleman and not making any moves to go any further but also not letting her out of his grasp as they slept.

1943

Y/N stared at Bucky’s orders saying he would be shipped off to England in two days. Her eyes were brimming with tears, knowing he was watching her intently. She couldn’t imagine him leaving and what scared her more is if he would come back mentally or physically broken as many men did. She sniffled a little and slowly looked up to him, “I’m so very proud of you, Bucky.” She said, her voice breaking a little as she held back her sad feelings, “I just wish you could stay here safe with me.”

Bucky sighs deeply, pulling Y/N into his arms as he did many times before. He gently kisses the top of her head, rubbing a hand up and down her back, “I know, doll… But I have to go. Gotta keep the world safe for you.” He released his grip on her to move his hands to her cheeks, making her look at him as he stroked tears away from her cheeks with his thumbs, “I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, James.” Y/N replies softly, leaning forward and placing a soft kiss to his lips. She told herself she was going to spend the next few days memorizing the way his lips felt against her’s so she wouldn’t forget while he was away, “You need to tell Steve.”

Bucky sighs, nodding down to her slowly, “I know… I’ll tell him tomorrow. But tonight, it’s just me and my best girl. My only girl.” He said, smiling down at her. He spent the rest of the night making Y/N’s favorite meal and after dancing with her in the living room to the radio like the first night they met. He knew it was breaking Y/N’s heart that he would have to leave her and it was breaking his too. He looked down at her as they danced, her head rested on his chest as if she was listening to his heartbeat, “I promise I’ll make up all the lost time, doll.” He whispered down to her before leaving a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

The next day, Bucky went to tell Steve about his orders and then met up with him again at the Stark Expo. Y/N even brought a friend to try and press Steve into a double date, but he had managed to slip off with Barnes going to find him. When Bucky came back to Y/N, he told her Steve was trying to enlist again and that they had shared their goodbyes. Y/N apologized to her friend for the failed date but she didn’t seem that upset about it, going off with some other guy she had met while at the expo. Bucky spend the rest of the time on his last date with Y/N walking around the expo, kissing her and touching her any chance he could.

The next day, Y/N walked with Bucky to where his unit would be shipped off to England. Her tears had not stopped rolling down her cheeks since she had awoken. She had prayed that last night would just pause and she would have all the time in the world with him, dreading today. She bit her lip and looked up at him, “Bucky… Please come back to me.” She whispered up to him, “Please.”

Bucky did his best to smile down at her, his own eyes filled with tears but not letting them fall down his cheeks, “I promise I will, Y/N. You’re my girl, I need you.” He told her, pulling a small box out of his pocket and opening it in front of her, “Until then, do me a favor? Keep this ring on your finger to keep all the men away from my girl.”

Y/N smiled up to him, nodding, “Of course.” She said, holding out her left hand and letting him slide the ring onto her finger. Over the loud speaker a voice came on to let the soldiers know that it was the last chance to board. Y/N jumped into his arms, hugging him so tight that she was afraid to let go, “Oh Bucky, I love you. Be safe. Please. Don’t do anything stupid or reckless or be a hero. Just be my Bucky and come back to me.” She pleaded.

Bucky hugged her tightly, breathing in the scent of her perfume she always wore, “I will, doll. I will.” He whispered to her before pulling her in for a deep kiss. He wished he could stay in this moment forever, his lips against her’s but he pulled away and placed his hands on her cheeks, “I love you so much. Always and forever.”

Y/N did her best to smile although she was sure she looked like a wreck, “I love you. Always and forever.” She watched him release her and pick up his bag, heading towards the rest of his unit that was boarding. He looked back at her a few times with a smile and she tried her best to smile back at him until he was out of view.

1945

As promised, Y/N kept the ring on her finger to deter any man from getting to close to her. There had been many letters back and forth between her and Bucky but it was never enough no matter how many pages were in the envelopes. Her heart ached for his return and it had been two long years since she had felt his touch. She spent a lot of time with Bucky’s family, more specifically his sister Rebecca.

A knock at her door interrupted her thoughts as she was baking cookies to comfort herself. She pulled off the oven mitt and opened the door, her heart dropping instantly when she saw two men dressed in military greens at her door. She brought her hand to cover her mouth, shaking her head as she couldn’t believe what she was seeing in front of her.

“Are you Miss. Y/L/N?” One of the men ask and Y/N just managed to nod slightly, feeling her knees weaken, “"I have been asked to inform you that your fiancé has been reported dead in Austria. Sergeant Barnes fell from a train on a mission with the Howling Commandos. On the behalf of the Secretary of Defense, I extend to you my deepest sympathy in your great loss.”

Y/N collapsed to the floor, tears running down her cheeks as she let out loud wails in her heartbreak, “He promised..” She sobs out, “He promised always and forever…”

Present Time

Bucky walked up to the stone grave, Y/N's name etched into the stone. It pained him every time he saw a different last name from his etched in stone but he was happy she found love again. He visited whenever he could and it always made tears well up in his eyes. He repeated the same thing he always did when he came to her grave, "I'm so sorry, Y/N. I broke every promise I made to you. I did the stupid and reckless things like you told me not to do." He said, kneeling down and placing the sunflowers on the grass next to the stone before running his fingers of his flesh hand over her name, "But I still love you, doll. Always and forever. You're my best girl. My only girl."

___________________________________________________________

Bucky Taglist: @buckypops @stcrryslibrary

#bucky barnes #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #40s!bucky

[the-cult-of-russo]

Biggest Regret

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader 

A/N: This one wasn't a request. I have Billy on the brain so much that I literally woke up and this popped into my head as I was laying there trying to fully wake up and I had to write it lmao It's just a little thing. A letter from Billy to you. I know a lot of you guys might want a part two for it, the resolution to the letter and there's a few ways it could go. So if anyone asks for a part two, let me know how you want it. Angsty? Fluffy? A mix? And I'll see what the general consensus is. I already have a slight idea about it but I wanna know what you guys want. 

Also this is my AU dreamland where Billy didn’t betray Frank looool

Warnings: cursing, angst, sadness and regret from Billy. Talks of pregnancy and babies and abandonment.

-----------

Y/N,

I know it's been a while and I don't even know if you still live where you did back then or if you'll get this. I'd say some shit like I hope you're doing well, which I am, but… I know you won't want to hear it. 

I'm overseas again right now with Anvil. Me and Frank are taking point on a serious mission we're doing. Anvil's doing pretty well right now and we just got a contract from the CIA which is how we ended up here. Being out here like this, it reminds me of being deployed. Part of me missed it, I guess.

It's given me a lot to think about. It's funny how life and death situations do that to you, puts it all in perspective. And I know… I know you probably hate me and I don't blame you but I just hope if you do get this letter that you at least read it all. 

I never should have walked away last year. I used to think I was a brave man, I mean the shit I've faced in the marines and with Anvil… I never backed down and I always fought. But with this. With you and the baby, I tucked tail and ran and I'll never forgive myself for that. 

Honestly, I was terrified. I didn't think I could be the man you and the baby needed. I don't know what it's like to have loving parents and I hate myself so much for walking away. I don't want to do to my own kid what my mom did to me. I don't want them to grow up thinking I don't care, that I don't want them. It was never about that. I was never angry you were pregnant, I was never resentful. I was just scared that I'd fuck it up beyond repair so I got out of there before I had the chance. 

I should have been there for you, Y/N. I should have been there to hold your hair from your face when you got sick. To go out at 3am and get you pickles or whatever the fuck it is that pregnant women love to eat. I should have been there with you at the birthing classes and the scans and the appointments. I should have been there to hold your hand in the delivery room, to tell you what an amazing job it is you're doing. I should have been there to hold my kid when they came into the world. To be there for you and them. 

I can't take that back. I can't rewind time and be there and I wish I could. I don't know anything about my own baby which hurts the shit outta me and it's my own fault. I don't know if they're a boy or girl, how old they are. I know they'll roughly be a few months old based on when I walked away but that's about it. Do they look more like me or you? Are they a happy or fussy baby? This is the shit that's been running through my head out here. Fuck… I don't know if…. I don't even know if you kept the baby and that shit hurts too deep to even consider. But I know you well enough. Or at least I think I do. And I don't think you would have done that. As much as it would kill me inside, if you did I wouldn't blame you. I'd left you all alone to deal with it and I know neither of us planned a kid. 

Frankie was the one who told me to write this. He's been putting up with me nonstop the last month of us being out here crying  talking about you and the baby. He and Maria miss you, the kids too. Maybe that alone should have told me back then how important you were to me. I'd never introduced any of the girls I slept with to them, but it just felt natural to me back then. I'd wanted to. I couldn't even see just how much you meant to me. 

It's like they always say, you don't know what you've got 'till it's gone. And I didn't know just how much I cared about you until that day I walked away and I fucking miss you, Y/N. Frank and Maria always ask if I'd heard anything about the baby or if I've reached out and it breaks my heart every time with how disappointed they are. I guess I never really thought they'd be excited for me to have a kid. But they're my family, of course they would be. 

Frank roughed me up, you know that? I didn't tell him right away about the baby. He'd ask about you and I told him we decided it wasn't working like the coward I am. But then a few weeks after I told him the truth. He clocked me in the jaw, yanked me around as he yelled about how stupid and selfish I was. And I let him. He was right and I deserved it. I don't think I've ever seen Frankie so mad before and that's saying something. 

I know I should have reached out sooner, but being out here on the front lines like this, it reminds me of how fleeting life can be. And I wish it didn't take something extreme like that to give me the balls to man up and write this to you but I think we've all established I'm not as brave as I once thought I was. 

I have no right asking you for anything, I know that. But I miss you and I want to be a part of our baby's life. And you can ignore this letter or tell me to go fuck myself and I'll listen. If you tell me to stay away, I will. I owe you that much. But I'd… even if you could tell me about them a little, it would mean the world everything to me. And I know I don't deserve shit but I'm selfish and asking you anyway. 

I've seen and done a lot of shit in my life and your face has haunted me every single night since the day I walked away. I saw how scared you were. You were just as terrified as me about the baby and I wasn't there for you. I didn't comfort you or reassure you that we'd get through it together. Instead I shut down and told you I couldn't do it, I wouldn't do it. And then you looked at me with such heartbreak that it makes my chest feel tight and I fucking hate it. Every time I close my eyes I remember those looks and I know I'm a piece of shit for ever putting them on your face. 

It hurts more that you just accepted it. Like you expected it from me. I guess you knew me well enough to have an idea how it would go when you told me. And then you fucking respected my wishes and didn't contact me about anything. You didn't owe me that. You should have harassed me, called me a piece of shit, fought me, got child support. Fucking something. But of course you didn't. You've always been too kind and caring for that. Always looked after me even when I least deserve it. 

And I guess I'm hoping that even through the hate and betrayal you feel for me, that maybe somewhere in there you still care even just a little. Enough to put me out of my misery. Enough to send even a letter with the bare minimum details about our kid. I'm hoping that I didn't change you because you were perfect as you were and the last thing I want is to have fucked you up because of my own insecurities. 

There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think of you. Think of the baby. I wonder how you're both doing and if you're happy. I know you'd be a great mom and despite it all, I'm glad that if I had a kid with anyone that it was you. I'm coming back stateside in three weeks. It's gonna kill me not knowing if you've wrote back or not but I won't hold it against you if you don't. 

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you. For making you go through all this alone. For walking away from you and the baby like I did. If I was there I'd be down on my knees begging for forgiveness for what I did. All I can hope is that you take some mercy on me, even just a little. 

I miss you, Y,N. I miss you so much it hurts and I'm just sorry. Whatever you decide, I'll understand and respect it. I love you. And yeah I probably shouldn't say that, might feel like a smack in the face after everything I've done, but I do. And I know I never told you that when we were together. We were never really 'serious' or whatever, or at least that's what I told myself. But it was only ever you. When I was with you there were no others. And I couldn't see it at the time but I'd fell in love with you the moment we met in that damn grocery store. I don't know if you ever felt the same about me but I know even if you did I've ruined that. I don't expect anything from you. I fucked up and I know that. But it doesn't change that I want to be there now. I want to know about our baby, I want to be part of their life. I want them to grow up knowing I care about them because I do.

I hope to hear from you when I'm back but I won't hold my breath. I hope… I hope you're both doing okay and I'm just sorry for everything. I hope one day you'll be able to forgive me.

Billy 

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #the punisher #billy russo imagine

[writingtoforgetreality]

I Remember (Malcolm Bright x Reader)

Request: uM hi saw ur request post while i was scrolling through malcolm bright x reader tag lol so may i request an x reader w malcolm where reader's gil's niece or smth so she and mal know each other before he joined the team- and one day where mal was being a dumbass and reader was told to drive mal home and when she was securing his restraints he jokingly asked her to sing to him aNd she did sing and fell asleep on the bed by opposite mal aND he got a good amount of sleep like no night terrors and next day he accidentally slipped that reader ''slept'' w him and gils just like excuse me wtf?? Djkdkdlsjsjs idk i got this idea when i was staring at the ceiling at 4 am instead of doing my essays that were due in the morningxD sorry its p long. Thanks and have a good day/night (by @iwillboilyourteeth), [Prodigal Son-Masterlist]

Summary: Malcolm got hurt again. What a surprise. And, as always, you were right there to take care of him. Tonight, though, things took a turn. For the better or for the worse? Only the future would tell.

Words: 2,142

Warnings: language, love me some sarcasm, fluff, so much fluff, I love writing for Prodigal Son (keep the requests coming)

Song used: “I Remember” by Jason Manns

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

You were sitting in your apartment when your phone started ringing loudly, interrupting your movie marathon. Sighing exaggeratedly, you checked who decided to annoy you at this time. It was not too late but you liked your alone time a lot. Gil. Oh no. That could never be good.

“Uncle Gil. I hope whatever you’re about to tell me is more important than Harry Potter.” pausing the movie you were currently watching, you did not even give him enough time to greet you. A loud sigh could be heard over the phone. One, that made you laugh.

“(Y/N).” his voice was stern & you knew better than to mess with him. Yet, you could not help yourself.

“Yeah, that’s me. You called me, after all.” joking to ease the tension, your giggling was cut short by his next words.

“Malcolm is a dumbass.”

“What a revelation.”

“He’s hurt.” Gil stated. Throwing your head back in frustration, you knew he only called you if he knew it was not too bad. But bad enough to need your help. “I need you to come get him.” it was not even a question, more like an order. Immediately, you grabbed the stuff you needed & headed out of your apartment towards your car.

“Can I yell at him for being reckless?” opening the door, you got inside but before you started the engine, you waited for the call to end. Could not risk getting youself hurt. Malcolm was the stupid one, not you.

“I already did that but I’m sure he’ll appreciate to hear it again.”

“Good.”

“Drive safe.” Gil noted.

“See you in ten.” & with that you drove to the precinct where he would most likely wait for you.

Growing up, you spent a lot of time at Gil’s. Malcolm was there almost always, so you got to meet each other pretty early on. Deep down, you cared for him. More than you should care for a friend. And because of him being a profiler, you were sure he picked up on that as well. Malcolm was just nice enough to not comment on it. Besides, he would tell you that he was too broken anyway. The thing was that it never scared you away. It did the exact opposite, actually. It only made you want him more.

Did you ignore almost every speed limit? Possibly. Your knuckles were white because you had gripped the steering wheel so tightly. One of these days, you would kill Malcolm. He kept getting himself hurt & you were tired of being the one to drive him home afterwards. Of course, you knew Gil only called you because Malcolm trusted you enough but that did not change the fact that you were exhausted.

“What happened?” approaching Gil, your eyes looked around for a sign of Malcolm. “And where the hell is he?”

“Bathroom.” his finger pointed over. “He didn’t call backup & thought dealing with it alone would turn out fine.” Gil was, you could tell, almost as tired as you. Not only of Malcolm acting recklessly but also because of a long day at work.

“What a surprise.” your sarcasm got the best of you. But it helped you coping with your feelings sometimes. “Uncle Gil?” his head snapped up when you said his name.

“Yes?”

“Go home & get some sleep. I got it from here, promise.” your sweet smile was convincing enough & with a nod, he turned around & walked away.

“(Y/N)?” Malcolm noticed you when he walked out of the bathroom. His face was covered in bruised & by the way he was limping, you were sure that his entire body had to be sore. “Where’s Gil?”

“I sent him home.” shrugging as if it were nothing, you gave Malcolm a look. He knew what it meant but apparently, he wanted to play dumb.

“What?” his head tilted slightly & if it were not for his damn puppy eyes & for the fact that he was hurt, you would be the cause of his bruises. Not quite literally but still. Rolling your eyes at him, you crossed your arms over your chest.

“You’re stupid, I hope you know that.”

“I do, but we caught the killer, so it was worth it.” he casually stated.

“Is it really worth risking your life, Mal?” shaking your head shortly, you were not in the mood to discuss this any further. A simple gesture of your hand was enough to show him that you wanted to get going. “Come on, I’m gonna bring you home.”

“You’re mad.” Malcolm noted when the both of you walked outside back to your car. Sighing loudly, you stopped for a brief moment.

“Yes. I’m mad because I can’t even count how many times we’ve been in this exact situation anymore. And it sucks. Because every single time Gil calls me, I think he’ll tell me that you didn’t make it out like you always do.” Malcolm’s eyes widened when you explained how you were feeling. Your body brushing past his made him turn around & follow you without another word. It was silent between you two until you arrived inside Malcolm’s apartment.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N).” he spoke up, his voice much softer now. When you saw him struggling to pull off his coat, you walked over to him to help him out.

“You don’t owe me an apology, Mal.” your back faced him when you went to put his jacket away.

“I do. You always take care of me when shit like that happens. And I wanted you to know that I don’t take that for granted. If I were you, I would’ve stopped caring a long time ago.”

“You know as much as I do that this won’t ever happen.” & it was true. Malcolm could mess up over & over again. Could get himself hurt & all that. But you would always be here to catch him, no matter what.

“I don’t deserve you.” his eyes bore into yours & by the look he gave you, you knew he was not talking about you taking care of him when he was hurt. He was referring to you as a person. Basically, he wanted to make you understand that he was not worthy of your love. Which was bullshit to you.

“You deserve so much & it hurts that you don’t see it.” the conversation dropped for the time being. Navigating your way through his apartment, you looked for something he could wear to bed. Soon enough, you found something suitable & when you walked back into the room ,you found Malcolm already sitting on his bed, head hanging low. He stopped you when he noticed your hands grabbing the shirt he was wearing. Sending him a confused look, your eyebrows raised in question.

“I think I can handle it from here on.” taking the clothes from you, he went to strip himself out of his workwear. Surprisingly, he could not move his body enough to achieve anything.

“Yeah, I can see that. Come on, don’t act like that, Malcolm.” it was not the first time you had helped him undressing. As mentioned earlier, the two of you had been in this situation too many times to count.

It did not take long & he was wearing comfortable clothes. After asking if he needed anything else, you went straight to his restraints & helped strapping him in. It amazed Malcolm how you were not weirded out by the fact that he had to be held down in order to have at least a few hours of sleep.

“(Y/N)?” his voice was barely above a whisper but your humming let him know that you heard him. “Can you sing something for me?” it was meant to be a joke, he simply wanted to ease the tension between you guys. Thinking about it for a second, you came to the conclusion that it would not hurt to do that. Maybe it would help him fall asleep? Malcolm eyes widened when you actually started singing quietly. It was soothing & he closed his eyes to focus solely on your voice.

Hey you, when I saw you walk in there

And I couldn’t help but stare

At the way you move your hands

‘Cause it’s the little things you do that drive me crazy

And now, let’s forget about the crowd

And just concentrate on us

So that you can know what I want you to know

 I remember how it started

You had everything I wanted

I was helpless to resist

But I didn’t want to

 Only if you would hold me tight

As we talked all through the night

About those things you won’t tell no one else

I know that we’ve got long ways to go

But I want you to know

That I’ll be there till the end, so don’t you worry

 I remember how it started

You had everything I wanted

I was helpless to resist

But I didn’t want to

‘Cause I fell in love with you-ou-ou

 After you finished, Malcolm still had his eyes closed, he just laid there for a while, recalling the words of the song. He knew what you were trying to tell him but if he had to be honest, he was scared. If the two of you were to try something, he thought you would leave him the moment you realized his demons were too much for someone to handle. Malcolm did not hear you leave his apartment, neither did he feel a movement. Opening his eyes slowly, he found you sound asleep right next to him. Your peaceful form made him smile brightly. Contemplating if he should wake you up, he decided against it in the end. Deep down, he knew you would not judge him he if he had a night terror next to you. And if he were honest, having you with him made him incredibly calm. That night, he fell asleep almost immediately, without any nightmares invading his dreams. The reason for it was you. Only you.

Malcolm woke up early the next morning. Work called. Okay, maybe Gild had told him to take a few days off but everyone who knew Malcolm, knew that he did not listen to such orders. Or any orders, in general. You were still asleep when he loosened his restraints. He left you a note behind before leaving his apartment for work.

“Didn’t I tell you to stay at home?” Gil questioned the second Malcolm entered the office where the rest of the team was already up & working.

“You did but I’m fine.” Gil rolled his eyes at his words. Usually, whenever Malcolm insisted on being fine, he was everything but. Examining his face closer, Gil was shocked to see him so…well rested?

“Wait. How much did you sleep last night? You look unusually awake.”

“Oh, yeah. That’s because I slept with (Y/N) last night.” Malcolm spoke casually & went to examine the pictures that were displayed on the table in the middle of the room. Gil’s eyebrows raised at that. Dani only sent him a weird look & JT almost choked on his coffee at Malcolm’s confession. There were some things he did not want to know & his love life was one of it.

“Excuse me, what now?” Gil was the first one to press the topic further. Everyone knew how protective he could get when it came to you, his niece. When Malcolm turned around, he found three pairs of eyes looking sternly at him. Wait, what did he say? Realization washed over his face & he only now noticed how wrong his words sounded without any given context.

“No, wait…That came out wrong.” closing his eyes briefly, he prepared an explanation for his confused co-workers. “(Y/N) drove me home yesterday & she helped me with my restraints & all. She fell asleep & I didn’t wanna wake her up.” Malcolm’s hands gestured wildly, not wanting to give them the wrong impression of last night’s events. JT pretended to understand what he explained even though he had no idea & frankly, he did not care too much. Malcolm had lost Dani’s interest a while ago, she continued working on the next case. Only Gil was left. He gave Malcolm a knowing look, went over to him & patted him on the shoulder.

“You better take care of her, Bright. Or you have to deal with me.” his threatening smile creeped Malcolm out but he knew Gil was only trying to keep you safe. Maybe you were the right one for him. Last night was proof enough. It was scary to take that next step but on the other hand, he wanted to take that risk. He wanted to give it a try. For the both of you.

Published (04/20/2021) by Cathy

Tags: @octopus5555 (thanks for your support <3)

#malcolm bright x reader #malcolm bright #malcolm whitly #malcolm whitly x reader #prodigal son #prodigal son imagine #Prodigies #prodigal son x reader #reader insert #reader imagine #imagine #fanfic #fanfiction #jason manns #Song Fic #one shot #oneshot #writing #writers #tom payne #gil arroyo #lou diamond phillips #dani powell #aurora perrineau #brightwell #jt tarmel #frank harts

[brelione]

Henry Bowers (Rafe,Topper,Kelce X Reader)

Warnings:Smut,mentions of bulimia,laxatives,IT 2017 spoilers.

Series Masterlist

Heavy footsteps walked up to your door,turning the knob with a glove covered hand.The footsteps trailed through your house,hearing the screams,laughed and splashing from outside.A large yellow envelope was placed on the kitchen countertop,likcing their lips and taking in a big nervous breath fro they had never been inside your house before.

They knew a lot about you from a certain brunette that spoke so fondly of you,not having anything other to talk about besides how fantastic you were.They should’ve ran out once the task was completed,instead finding themselves jogging up the stairs and ending up in your bedroom.Brown eyes looked around,falling onto a boxed action figure on your dresser,a small smile coming across their soft features.

They saw a bedside table with drawers in it,pouting as they walked over to open the drawers and look through them.A stack of photos,a box of laxatives,colored pencils,spare phone chargers and a handful of tampons.They picked up the stack of photos,looking over to the door every couple of moments as they flipped through them,smiling at the memories that were trapped on the polaroids.There were dates across the bottom of each photo.

In the older ones you appeared empty on the inside,eyes struggling to stay open and a forced smile on your face.The more recent ones were completely different though.Smiling so wide that your eyes squinted,seeming to be more healthy,your eyes holding nothing but joy.Most of the photos didn't even have you in them.Topper appeared in a lot of them,a big goofy grin on his face.In others he looked surprised,not knowing that you were photographing him.

They noticed one thing that really stood out.No parents in the photos,literally nobody outside of the teenage boys.In all of the photos of Kelce he was cooking,smiling or holding you on his shoulders or had you in his lap.The ones with you and Rafe were different though.The one that made them laugh was of Rafe on the floor,your legs on his shoulders to keep him still as you braided his hair,his eyes focused on the tv and not even caring what you were doing.

There were tons of photos from beach days,Rafe wearing sunglasses as he stared down at a triple decker sandwich.The most recent one at the back of the pile was dated a few days ago and was a photo of Topper,asleep on the couch with a bit of drool on his chin,a pillow held tight to his chest in nothing but pajama pants.

They put the photos back where they had originally been,standing up carefully.Thats when they heard the slider door open,cursing under their breath.Water dripped from your hair as you stepped inside your kitchen,Topper close behind you with a towel wrapped around his waist. “I'm cold as hell.”You sighed,pulling the towel over your shoulders,the air conditioning making goosebumps form on your legs.

Rafe closed the slider door,a few water drops falling from his hair and dripping down his nose. “I'm gonna go change,i'll be back.”You told them,going up the stairs slowly,the towel slipping off of you.When you got into the bedroom you sighed,looking at the mess you had made.You looked over the scattered clothes,your eyes finding one of Topper’s sweatshirts that you had taken a few months back when he had slept over.

You peeled the wet t shirt off along with the bathing suit under it,wrapping the wet clothes in the towel before pulling the hoodie over your cold body,sighing at the warm feeling before pulling on a pair of underwear.Little did you know that someone was under your bed,their hand covering their mouth as they hoped you wouldn't hear them.You didnt,leaving your room and shutting the door behind you,going back downstairs.

Your wet hair was making the back of the hoodie wet,you couldn't really feel it through the thick material though. “Hey,(Y/N)?”Topper called out to you as you were about to sit on the couch.You sighed,grabbing your phone and putting it in the pocket of your hoodie.You went into the kitchen,confused as to why they were staring at your countertop.

 “What?”You asked,taking a seat opposite from them,frowning as you saw the envelope. “This wasn't here before.”You looked at your name in sharpie,not sure where it had come from. “I know it wasn't,so why is it here now?”Topper asked.You shrugged,just as clueless as the boys.You opened it,seeing two stacks of twenty dollar bills and a piece of notebook paper. “What the fuck?”Kelce picked up one of the stacks,flicking the green paper.

You pulled out the notebook paper,the message written in blue pen. “Do what you want just dont be mad.You have to live your life and i have to live mine.I can't live my life with you and clearly you don't need me to live yours.I still love you so dont lie and say I don't.I'll pay the bills and shit til you're 23,then you're on your own.You use this money to cover groceries and clothes and whatever,just don't drag me into this.This’ll be the last time you hear from me.Please don't try and talk to me and I won't try and talk to you.”It was rushed,written in big letters to make the page seem more full.

It didn't need a signature for you to know who it came from.At least you didn't have to worry about paying bills and losing your house now.You couldnt believe how fast things were falling apart. “What?What does it say?”Topper asked,coming up behind you to read it over your shoulder.

 “Oh,you’ve gotta be kidding.I hope she gets fucked in the ass with a sword.”You slammed the note down,looking at the stacks of money. “But how’d this get inside the house?Shouldn't it be out in the mailbox?”Rafe asked,going over to your living room window and looking out,eyes widening when he saw the silver car. “Were you expecting someone else?”Rafe asked,gaining your attention.You went over next to him,heart dropping when you saw the car.

 “No-shit!Was the front door unlocked?”You asked Rafe,the last person to come inside.His eyes widened,going over and twisting the doorknob. “Fuck.”He whispered,looking up at the staircase. “Is someone in the house?”Topper asked,his hand immediately going onto your shoulder,almost like a way to protect you. “I dont fucking know?What do we do?Call the cops?”You whispered,looking over to Kelce.Rafe’s eyes widened.

 “Fuck no!Do you know how much shit we have here that we could get in trouble for?”He asked,going back into the kitchen to grab a knife. He was probably talking about the fact that he had hard drugs on him.Either that or he was also hiding a gun in your house.

You wouldnt really be surprised if that were ture at this point.“Hey,hey-the car is backing out!”Topper told you,pulling you back over to the window,seeing the car speed off. “Fucking shit-what if they put cameras in the house?”You asked,locking the door.Rafe licked his lips,putting the knife away and jogging upstairs.He looked into your room,not seeing anything changed.

Topper hugged you tight,telling you to stay calm. “Clearly whoever it was wasn't trying to kill you,they just wanted to leave that here.”As scary as it was he was probably right.But you couldn't help the fear that whoever it was might come back.Clearly they had ties to your mother,maybe even worked for her or something.

Rafe went through your drawers,seeing the stack of polaroids,seeing the box of laxatives next to it. “What the fuck?”He whispered,picking it up to see that it was half empty.He remembered you keeping laxative pills with you all the time during freshman year.

The four of you had gone to the beach and they all wanted to get ice cream and peer pressured you into getting some as well.You had eaten it quickly,excusing yourself to go to the bathroom and sticking three fingers to the back of your throat.You gagged a few times,nothing coming up which caused you to begin to panic.

Your breathing got quick,trying to figure out what to do when you remembered the pills in your pocket,popping five out and swallowing them,sitting on the toilet,tears running down your face as you cursed and hoped that it would come out.

Once the job was done you had let out a loud sigh,wiping yourself clean,your thighs hurting from how long you had been on the uncomfortable toilet seat.You put the bag of pills back into your pocket,leaving the bathroom to see the boys still sitting at a picnic table,waiting for you.

You had went to go back and sit down next to Topper,unaware that the bag was partially hanging out of your pocket.He had noticed it,deciding to pull it out,frowning at the tablets. “What the hell are these?”He asked,shaking the bag back and forth.

Rafe and Kelce looked up,Rafe became intrigued and pulled the bag away,holding the clear material to his palm.He knew that it wasn't xanax or some strange type of pain killer. “Um….those are laxatives...for stomach aches.”You answered,tugging the bag back and putting it back into your pocket.

He stomped down the stairs,box in hand. “Why do you have this?”He asked,holding up the box.Your heart beat sped up at his furious tone,seeing the box,feeling sick.You didnt know why you felt that way,you didn't even have them for a bad reason.Now all eyes were on you and waiting for an explanation,Topper’s arms not so tight.

 “You see….sometimes when i'm on my period I get really constipated so I use those to help myself out.”You explained,feeling yourself getting hot.Rafe bit his lip,nodding while Kelce scoffed. “You use those!Those are so bad for you-you’ll actually shit your pants if you take too much at once.You should drink hot lemon water instead,it's natural and so much better.”He huffed,running a hand through his wet hair.

You just nodded,licking your lips. “You guys will stay here tonight,right?”You asked,hoping that at least Rafe would be able to stay.As much as you loved Top and Kelce they were both pussies most of the time.But then again you were too,you couldn't really be mad at them.Topper frowned,realising that he’d have to head home at some point tonight so that is mom didn't think that he died.Rafe would probably be in deep shit for leaving the party and taking the jetski but he was more worried about you than what his father was going to do to him.

Kelce bit the inside of his cheek,nodding. “I think I can,I have to leave in the morning though.Rafe?”He asked,looking over to the tall boy.Rafe sighed,crossing his arms. “Yeah,I can stay over.”He answered,glancing at the door to make sure that it was locked one more time.

His muscles were flexed,the vein in his forehead sticking out slightly as it always did when he was stressed. “I’m going to go change,you pick a movie.”He picked up the box of laxatives again,going back upstairs.He went into the bathroom,putting on his shirt and boxers,pulling the bag of white powder out of the shorts,staring at it.

He had gotten pissed about the laxatives because you used them to hurt yourself and hurt your health yet he was doing the exact same thing.He stared at it for a while,becoming angry at how bad he was fucking up not only his own life but the lives of everyone else around him.

He jumped when a soft knock came from the otherside of the door,standing up carefully and dropping the little bag onto his shorts,opening the door a crack to see you standing there. “Dude,hurry the fuck up you take like ten years to change.”You huffed,looking up at him.He let out a low,nervous chuckle. “Yeah,sorry.”He muttered,still staring at you.

 “I’ll be down in a minute.”He went to shut the door,only for you to speak again. “You have sweatpants here if you want.”You remembered the loose,soft gray pants in your closet that he had left in your bathroom at the beginning of May.

He licked his lips,slipping out of the bathroom and closing the door behind him.You went into your room,going to open your closet when a thought came to mind. “rafe.”You whispered,making him look up from his boxers,hoping you wouldn't notice his obvious boner.

 “Did you check the closet?”You whispered to him,making his heart drop.Fuck.He grabbed you by the wrist,pushing you behind him,his hand on the closet door knob. “Shit-fuck-okay-okay-3-2-1.”He swung the door open,stepping back quickly,standing in front of you like a human shield. “Oh-oh there’s no one in there.”He calmed down,letting go of you and letting out a loud sigh.

You still gripped his arm,fingernails scratching against his skin,not helping with his boner that you were so close to him.You let out a sigh of relief,stepping forward and reaching up onto the shelves,grabbing the pants that you wore when you were alone sometimes.

THose pants with Topper’s hoodie was probably the best combination ever.You turned to hand them to him,only to find that he was practically pushed up against you. “Did you pick a movie?”He asked,taking the pants that he hadnt seen in a while.You nodded,pushing him back with your pointer finger so you could close your closet door,trying not to watch as he pulled the gray pants up his legs. 

“What movie?”He asked,tying the drawstrings to keep them in place but that didnt help you take your eyes oof of him,able to see the outline in the light material. “IT.”You answered,hopping over your bed and opening your drawer,checking for your polaroids.Thank god whoever had come into your house hadnt taken them.

He chuckled,shaking his head. “Yeah,no.You’re not gonna survive through that,pussy.”He answered,walking out of the room quickly before you could register what he had said to you.You grinned,running down the stairs and chasing after him,eventually getting a grip of his shirt. “Dont run on the stairs,guys!”Kelce shouted,hearing the pounding of footsteps.

Your hand was still tight on Rafe’s shirt,not letting go of him. “You’re giving me those pants back,right?”You asked quietly,letting go of him. “Uhh...these are my pants.”He answered,hands in the pockets.You shook your head. “No,not anymore.”You ended the conversation,slipping past him and going to sit on the couch,stopping to close the living room blinds.

Kelce was sipping a ginger ale in the kitchen,Topper had gone into the guest room,changing back into his clothes.You sat on the couch,holding a pillow to your chest,the movie already prepared and all you needed to do was press the ‘ok’ button for the horror that would probably haunt your mind for the next three months to begin playing.

 “Im fucking serious,you’re gonna cry in the first five minutes.”Rafe grinned,laying down on the couch with his legs across your lap.Topper walked out of the guest room,immediately agreeing. “Like,I love you and all but you’re gonna start screaming and crying and then you’re gonna wake us up at three in the morning freaking out.”Topper plopped down next to you,Kelce taking his spot on the floor with a blanket under him. 

“Im going to bet that she’s gonna scream in the first fifteen minutes.”He grinned,deciding to wrap the blanket around his shoulders and lean against the couch.You rolled your eyes,poking at Rafe’s legs through his pants,playing the movie. “Im gonna say the first five.”Topper placed his bet,earning a smack on the arm from you. “It’s not gonna be that bad.”You told him,rolling your eyes. “Whatever you say.”Topper grinned,watching the movie. 

“Shit….dont fucking chase after-what the fuck?Why?Why is he-OH MY GOD HIS ARM!”You cringed,squeezing Rafe’s shin,grabbing onto Topper’s arm.Kelce was laughing so hard that he was wheezing,watching as you clenched your eyes shut,holding onto Topper for dear life. 

“He’s-oh my god what the hell-I hate it here!”You were screeching,literally about to cry as you gripped Topper’s arm.Kelce laughed,a memory coming to his mind.You two were sitting on your couch,watching Infinity War.You squeezed his bicep,literally sobbing into his hoodie. “Fuck-I hate this movie!”You squeaked,hugging him tightly.He was trying not to cry,sniffling.

 “No-why Peter?Why him?”He sniffled,hugging you tightly,sobbing into your hoodie. “God-Endgame is so much worse.”You gulped,taking in a big breath. “NO!No-not tonight-I cant handle that much pain in one night.”He shook his head,rubbing your sides under your t shirt. “Imagine how tired I am!Imagine how tired I am!”You tried to laugh off the pain,your voice cracking.

As the Losers club walked through the hall,the camera focusing on the Bowers Gang you felt heat rush to your face. “Ooh-he do be kind of cute though.”You grinned,looking at Henry Bowers.Topper and Rafe groaned,Kelce smacking his head off the couch dramatically,pausing the TV. “Is evil brunette the standard?Is that whats happening?”He asked,looking up at you.

 “Wait-are you talking about the creepy one,Draco Malfoy or the mullet guy?”Rafe asked,squinting at the TV screen.You shrugged,biting your lip. “Ummm...yes.”You replied,making Topper roll his eyes. “They’re literally bullies!Why is brunette asshole the standard?”He asked,earning a small laugh from Rafe. “Bucky isnt an asshole!And neither is Peter or Spencer!And Draco Malfoy is blonde!”You exclaimed,bringing the pillow back to your chest.

Topper sighed,dragging you up next to him so he could stretch out his legs. “No,but seriously.Why are your standards so low?Like the bar is on the ground.”Kelce laughed,reaching for the remote and beginning to play the movie again. “Nice frisbee,Flamer!Fuckin losers.”Patrick spoke,your eyes glued on him. “Wait a damn minute-hold on.”You stretched your arm over Kelce’s head,grabbing your phone to search for the cast.

 “Are you seriously doing that right now?”Topper asked,watching as you scrolled through,looking for Henry Bowers.  “Yes,yes I am.”You grinned when you found the name of the actor,searching him on instagram. “Bingo.”You smiled,scrolling through his page. “And you did this for what?”Topper attempted to take away your phone,hissing when you bit at his finger. “Why not?”You shrugged,deciding you could look at his account another time,letting your phone sit on Topper’s chest.

 “Can I play the movie now?”Kelce asked,not waiting for your answer as he started playing it again.For a good amount of the movie you were screaming,holding onto Topper while Rafe laughed at you.After he kept laughing at you while you were freaking out about the painting coming to life and trying to murder Stan you had shifted across the couch,deciding to make Rafe suffer with your screams. 

As Henry began to carve into Ben’s stomach you found yourself giggling. “Wait,why is Henry literally Rafe?”You asked,earning a gasp from Topper,unable to believe that you went there.Rafe’s eyes widened,smacking your arm. “Dont be fucking rude!”He exclaimed,using the iconic line from Keeping Up With The Kardashian. “Are you kidding me?”You asked,smiling.It only took a few minutes for your good mood to go away.

“Oh my god-NO!NOT PATRICK!FUCK-I HATE THIS MOVIE!”You exclaimed,twisting Rafe’s shirt in your fingers. “Do you want to watch something else?”Kelce offered,becoming scared himself.You shook your head,determined to get through the movie. “He cant be actually dead,right?Like he’s gonna show up and it was all a dream,right?”You asked,hoping he’d get more scenes. 

“Can we take a food break?”Topper asked,moving to stand up,nearly kicking Kelce in the head.Kelce smacked his kneecap,rolling across the carpet to let the blonde stand.You glared at him.Clearly he didn't understand your attraction to the brunette sociopath or even care that he was dead.

Rafe moved you off of him,kissing your forehead before getting up as well but you stayed glued to the couch. “Are you coming?”Topper asked,standing in the doorway where the living room met the dark kitchen. “Turn on the light first.”you told him,grabbing your phone off the couch,trying not to look over to the dark staircase.

Topper nodded,getting nervous as he realized just how dark the kitchen was,getting even more nervous when he remembered the light switch was a good eight feet away.Rafe grew impatient,walking across the kitchen with his fingertips grazing the wall until he found the switch,flicking the yellowish lights on.You let out a sigh of relief,sitting at your kitchen table as they raided your fridge and cabinets. 

“This is trash,you don't have shit!Can we get McDonalds or something?”Rafe asked,looking over to you for permission.You huffed,scrolling through Nicolas Hamilton’s instagram. “I'm not driving-Rafe you’re not driving either and don't you dare give me that look!”You squinted at him as he made puppy dog eyes at you,trying to persuade you.

 “I can drive.”Kelce reached into his pocket for his keys only to be stopped by you. “At night?You hit a stop sign last time.”You reminded him,trying to think if you had any snacks hidden anywhere.Topper took the keys from Kelce,offering to drive.He was pretty okay at driving at night except for that one time that he almost hit a small child. 

“Okay,you and Kelce go and Rafe and I will stay here.”You agreed,glancing over to the slider door,seeing the pool lights were on.They came on automatically after sundown because swimming in a pitch black pool is only for dumb bitches in horror movies. 

“Alright,text me your orders.”Kelce told you,unlocking your front door,Topper behind him. “Don't watch the movie without us!”He shouted,shutting the door behind him,pressing the lock button on the key pad.Rafe sighed,sitting down at the table,his elbows resting on the wood.An awkward,tense silence filled the room,neither of you knowing what to say. 

“So….how have you been,besides,you know?”He asked,trying not to sound rude.He couldnt flat out ask “oh so like,are you having a relapse and thoughts of purging?’.You kind of understood what he was getting at,shrugging. “Its just a bad day,my stomach fuckin hurts now.”You touched the skin through the fabric of the hoodie,bruises on your flesh from where you had punched yourself.

He looked down at the floor,pulling the chair across the tile so he was in front of you,going to pull up the hoodie and see how bad they were.He let out a sigh,frowning as he noticed the darker purple parts,yellow and red spots from how hard you had hit yourself. “What happened to healthy coping mechanisms?”He asked,hands on your thighs,looking up at you.

Your hand went to pet his hair as it always did,his blue eyes staring up at you with admiration that you had never noticed. “I'm trying my best,okay?Don't act like you’re not fucked up too.”You mumbled,hearing your phone ding but deciding to ignore it.He sighed,his forehead against your stomach,careful not to touch the bruises.

 “Spencer Reid would want you to have healthy coping mechanisms.”He muttered,pressing feather-like kisses over your bruises,staring up at you.You rolled your eyes,leaning back in the chair. “(Y/N).”He mumbled,somehow ending up on his knees on the floor,elbows on your thighs looking up at you.You hummed,looking down at him.

He moved upwards,forehead against yours,the memory from your bathroom coming back to him.Your heart sped up,not even knowing what you wanted.He waited a moment before pressing his lips against yours,kissing you gently.You didn't pull away this time,letting it happen,your hand going to his jaw as he kissed you.His hands were under the hoodie that had once belonged to Topper but you had kidnapped it,claiming it as yours.He pulled away for a moment,letting you catch your breath.You leaned down to kiss him again,the feeling was addicting.

Your phone dinged again but you didn't care,too focused on Rafe.He began to place messy kisses down your neck,sucking on your collarbone,your hands tugging at his hair.He smiled,kissing your lips again,biting at your bottom lip lightly and earning a quiet moan from you.He felt himself becoming hard in his sweatpants upon hearing the noise,his hands squeezing your hips.

He pressed one more gentle kiss to your lips,moving down to your underwear,looking at you for consent before peeling them off.You gave him a slight nod to give him permission,making him grin,tugging the light material down your legs.You didnt know how to feel about the current situation.It felt good but at the same time felt wrong like you were betraying Kelce and Topper.

Rafe pressed kisses to your thighs,not wanting to rush into anything. “Rafe.”You mumbled,making him pull away from you immediately,giving you a look of concern. “Be gentle.”You requested,earning a small smile from him. “Of course.”He replied,pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I’ll stop whenever you want,I promise.”He whispered,going back down between your thighs.

A shiver ran up your spine when he licked a stripe through your folds,testing you.He glanced up at you,watching your reactions as the tip of his tongue rolled over your sensitive bud,a smirk on his face when you let out a moan.He started to pick up the pace,not going too fast or too slow,his tongue lapping at your core,your hands tugging at his hair,fingernails grazing his scalp. “God,you’re so fucking stunning.”He whispered.

He put a finger inside of you,moving it in and out quickly.Your phone ringed,scaring you a bit.Rafe just smirked,putting another finger inside of you,a moan ripping through your throat. “You should answer that.”He told you,looking over to your vibrating phone on the table.

You licked your lips,gaining the strength to move,grabbing your phone and seeing that Kelce was calling you,cursing. “Shit-Hello?”You answered,trying to keep your voice steady as Rafe sped up. “Dude!I’ve been trying to call you for like three minutes!Didnt you get my texts?”He asked.You bit your lip,trying to contain your moans. “Shit,sorry.”You mumbled,your hand covering your mouth,eyes rolling back in your head as Rafe began to suck on your clit,adding a third finger.

 “I didn't know what you wanted so I got you two happy meals,a McFlurry,a McChicken and like,four sauces.Is that okay?”He asked,waiting for your answer. “Yeah,that's fine.Where are you guys now?”You asked,feeling Rafe’s fingers quicken,going deep inside you to places you had never been able to reach on your own.

 “Umm...like five minutes away.Im gonna need you to unlock the door though,our hands will be full.”He noticed something was wrong with your voice,figuring that you were just paranoid. “Yeah,okay.I’ll see you when you get here.”You hung up the phone,letting out a moan when Rafe began to go hard,biting his lip as he listened to you. “Shit,Rafe.”You whimpered,clenching around his fingers as you climaxed,your head falling back as your liquids got onto Rafe’s fingers and all over the chair,a satisfied smile on his face.

 “Five minutes until they get here?”He asked,sucking your taste off of his fingers with a slight blush on his cheeks,grabbing some napkins to wipe you and the chair off. You were still recovering,a panting and sweating mess,your underwear on the floor. “You okay?”He asked,helping you get your underwear back on,pushing a few fallen locks of hair back,kissing the top of your head.

 “Yeah.”You answered,feeling heavy,your legs tingling.He grabbed you a pepsi from your fridge,opening it and handing it to you.You sipped it,the hoodie making you feel even more hot,wanting to take it off. “I’ll be more gentle,next time...if you want.”He mumbled,leaning down to kiss you again.Next time?

You just had to hope that he wouldn't tell Kelce or Topper about this,it wasn't an innocent kiss or a deep conversation.It was something that could easily tear apart the friend group if they ever found out. “Rafe.”You spoke,even though he was already paying attention to you. “Can we keep this a secret?”You asked.You saw a flash of something in his blue eyes,not sure if it was hurt or disappointment.He nodded though,agreeing.

 “Yeah,of course.”He sighed,trying his best to fix his hair,trying not to look too messy.Your eyes trailed down to the obvious boner that was barely concealed by the sweatpants,eyes becoming wide. “I can help you with that later...if you want.”You offered,making his cheeks and neck become red. “Okay.”He nodded,taking the can of pepsi and stealing a sip of the soda.You heard what sounded like either a head or an elbow hit your door repeatedly,along with a “FBI OPEN THE FUCK UP!”.

Rafe opened the door for you,figuring you were probably too weak to get up at the moment.Kelce almost dropped the ice cream,putting it in front of you. “For the princess.”He placed the two happy meal boxes in front of you,Topper putting paper grease stained bags down in the center of the table.Rafe sat next to you,a small smirk on his face,his hand on your knee as he grabbed a burger from a large bag with the other,squeezing your leg lightly before letting go,eating as he normally would.

Topper kept glancing between the two of you,noticing that something was different.His eyes widened,noticing a tiny mark on your neck,putting two and two together.When he noticed Rafe finishing his first burger he put a smile on his face,hands on the table. “Rafe,could I talk to you for a minute?”He asked.

@sweetlittlegingy    @nicolefarley603 @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @newsies-yeet @butgilinsky @jjjmaybank @gracelovesbroadway  @one-stella @outerbongs  @copper-boom  @httpstarkey @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl  @simonsbluee   @jiaraendgame  @khiaraaa-in-spacee  @on-socks-off @spn-marvel-nerd @lovelyelinor @chinamolina602   @drewstarkeyobx  @millie-753  @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @buckythediv​ 

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[meltwonu]

| caffeine |     [chapter 2]

pairing; fratboy!wonwoo x female!reader

this chapter’s notes;  oral(male receiving), dirty talk, wonwoo having a size kink 😩🥴 💕 y’all!! thank you so much for all the love on my fratboy!wonwoo au im literally------- so !!!! I love yall so much you don't even know ��😩😩

chapters; 1 - 2 - x - x - x

When Minghao asks you to accompany him to the library on a Wednesday morning, you contemplate pretending you slept through that message if it meant not having to see Wonwoo again. You hadn’t been back since then, scrambling to collect all your things from your study table as you promptly left and didn’t look back. 

There was a part of you that still couldn’t believe everything that had happened and even questioned if it really happened. But there was also a part of you that craved more and wanted to see him again despite being unsure.

Minghao texts you a few more times, knowing that you’re free on Wednesdays and almost never sleep in.

You finally give in after the 7th attempt, muttering under your breath as you toss on some clothes, texting Minghao you’ll meet him at the campus coffee shop in 20 minutes.

“I thought you’d never show up, slowpoke.”

You give Minghao a side hug, adjusting the big shirt and shorts you decided to throw on. “Yeah, well I made it, didn’t I? It’s not like I don’t love seeing your face, but why exactly did you ask me to come anyway?” The male shrugs, already walking towards the direction of the library. “Mingyu managed to snag a retake on that exam he failed last time so he couldn’t make it and I just like company and a second opinion when I work sometimes.” The two of you fall into idle chatter; laughing about Mingyu’s horrendous luck when it came to being on time for his classes.

“I mean, I told him beer pong on a school night wasn’t the brightest idea, but you know him, hates to lose against Jihoon.”

“How do you do it? Like, how do you exist around these dudes and not lose your shit?”

“Dunno, maybe it’s the free booze when I do want it. And let’s be real, the notoriety ain’t so bad either.”

You scoff, jokingly rolling your eyes before you take notice that you’ve already arrived at the dreaded location. Noticing you’ve gone quiet, Minghao turns to you, hand already on the doors.

“You okay? Why do you look so weirded out?” You shake your head at him, giving him a weak smile as he opens the door for you, letting you in first. “Thanks.”

Your eyes immediately scan around, searching for the silver haired bespectacled man, and to your mild disappointment, you don’t find him anywhere.

Minghao finds an empty table and begins setting down his books, taking out a sketch pad and his earbuds as he settles in.

“We’re gonna be here a while, so you better find something to do.”

Something to do, for you, means being Minghao’s errand girl when he asks you to find a couple books on colour theory; claiming he needs them while he continues to sketch and prepare his next painting. And like a good friend, you do, jotting down book titles and their locations before you head off.

You weave through bookshelves, getting closer to the part of the emptier part of the library that Wonwoo had taken you before and your body instinctively begins to heat up at the memory. You shake your head at the thoughts, moving past the shelves until you come upon the aisle with the books you’d need to gather for Minghao. FInding one, you pick it off the shelf, tucking it under your arm while you search for the next.

“Do you need a hand?”

The deep voice causes you to drop the book as you turn to face the silver haired male leaning up against the opposite shelf. “Fuck, do you have to s-scare me!?” The smirk on Wonwoo’s face is enough to send you blushing as you lean down to pick up the fallen object. “Aww, thought it’d be cute to surprise you for a little payback, sweetheart. After all, you did leave so quickly last time.” You bite the inside of your cheek, suddenly shy and refusing to make eye contact. “I… had to finish my--my essay…”

“I’m sure you did. I’m sure you didn’t just go home and think about me… Right? You were just a good little girl, weren’t you? You didn’t go home and get those cute fingers all wet from fingering yourself? Or maybe you got out some of your favorite toys, hmm? Didn’t pretend they were me instead?”

Wonwoo pushes off the shelf he’s leaning on to back you into a familiar position.

“Because I’ll be honest with you, sweetheart, I went home and thought about you all night. How that pussy would be so tight around me. And how fuckin’ small you’d be underneath me takin’ my big cock. And how you’d be such a good ‘lil thing and take all of it and then get it nice and wet for me when I make you fall apart.” He cages you against the shelf, leaning down to nose at your neck. “And how you’d keep begging me for more.”

You can’t help the moan that escapes you, your eyes fluttering shut at Wonwoo’s filthy words as he softly kisses your neck. “Mmh, Wonwoo…”

“But you were so selfish last time, y’kno? Didn’t even ask if I needed to cum. Just took your things and ran off. And I don’t like bad girls, sweetheart. So I’m going to have to punish you a little bit, won’t I?” Wonwoo slots a leg in between yours as he pressed into you, his cock already hard in his slacks. “But you want to be punished, don’t you?” Wonwoo pulls back, using his fingertips to tilt your head up. “Look at me, sweetheart. I want to know that you want this.” Your eyes immediately lock onto his, pupils already blown wide and panties already wet and all he’d done is talk to you.

“Yes… I--I want this. I want you.”

The library carpet is rough and makes your knees hurt while Wonwoo tugs on your hair, pushing you further down onto his cock. Your hands are neatly clasped behind your back as he uses your mouth to get off.

You’re convinced by now that Minghao’s sure you’ve just left with how long you’ve been “looking for those books”.

“Fuck, look at you, your mouth can barely take my cock. How’s your tight little pussy going to?” There’s a chuckle at the end of his words as he holds you down onto his cock, restricting your breathing. Your throat closes around him as he moans; the sounds music to your ears as you clench around nothing. The wetness is already pooling in your panties and you really just want to slide your hands into your shorts and relieve yourself.

Wonwoo lets up, giving you a second to catch your breath as he pulls you off of his cock; your eyes teary as you cough. He tilts your head up, admiring your teary eyes and swollen lips. “You’re really pretty like this, y’kno?” He grins down at you, licking his own lips. “Bet you just want me to fuck you now, huh?”

“Y-yeah…” “Well, that’s too bad. Now, open your mouth. And don’t make a mess.” You pout up at him as he gently tugs on your hair in warning. He guides his cock towards your lips as you stick out your tongue to lick the head. Slowly, you work his cock back into your mouth, hollowing out your cheeks around him until he hits the back of your throat again.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum soon.” You moan around Wonwoo, the vibrations sending chills up his spine as his grip on your hair tightens. He shallowly thrusts into your mouth as you hollow your cheeks around him. You can’t help the way your thighs rub together to try and satisfy yourself; hoping Wonwoo doesn’t notice.

“Fu--Fuck, I’m c-cumming, don’t--don’t swallow it, sweetheart, I want to see it in that mouth of yours.” Humming around him, you listen; the salty substance meeting your tongue as he fills your mouth with it.

Wonwoo slides his cock from your mouth, a trail of saliva connecting the head of it to your lips.

“Open your mouth, let me see it.” You open your mouth, showing him all the cum in your mouth as he hums appreciatively. “Swallow it.” Wonwoo’s eyes are hyper focused on you when you do, opening your mouth again to show him you’ve swallowed all of it.

“Good girl.”

When you trudge back to Minghao’s table with all the books he asked for, you hope to god he doesn’t notice that you’d been crying and choking on Wonwoo’s cock.

You set the books down next to him as he tugs a earbud out, giving you a look before he picks up one of the books and pries it open.

“Hey, you okay? Why are your knees all beat up?”

“Oh, um, the books were on the lower shelves so I… I had to get on my knees for them and, ykno.. Look. I, uh, had a hard time finding them.”

He hums, sticking the earbud back into place as he quietly goes back to work.

“Well, at least you were on your knees helping me find books and not sucking dick, right?” 

You freeze, awkwardly laughing as your panties sticking to your folds uncomfortably from when you came untouched with Wonwoo’s cock down your throat.

“Haha, yeah. True.” 

#fratboy!wonwoo #wonwoo smut #seventeen smut #svt smut #wonwoo scenarios #wonwoo imagines #seventeen imagines #svt imagines #seventeen scenarios #svt scenarios

[psychedellic-phase]

Fifteen (Part 12)

A/N: I altered the timeline & updated the last chapter w the correct weeks!! sorry for any confusion that causes. I need to be accurate or it’d bother me lol 

ALSO: end the stigma surrounding miscarriage/infertility. your feelings and experiences are valid. 

Tw: miscarriage, cursing, slight spoilers for the episode “200”

word count: 4.4 k

masterlist

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“It was a Thursday, no I guess technically it was a Friday since it was 3 am. You woke me up, poking my shoulder gently until I stirred. 

“This is going to sound weird but did you...?”

I was groggy and sore and cranky. It was 3 am, and you woke me up. Of course I was annoyed. My back was killing me, “Spence, what?”

“Did you pee yourself?” You whispered, and I laughed. 

“What? No?” 

That’s when I shifted to roll over and face you. That’s when I felt it. It was like a freight train hitting me. I was dizzy and nauseous and could suddenly feel every part of my body aching. 

“Then, t-then what’s this?” 

You threw the covers off of us. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you so scared. 

I just stared at it. Our gray sheets darkened. I had no emotions. No instincts. No movement. You’d think I’d have an intuition of what I needed to do. My maternal instinct would’ve kicked in, or I guess it wouldn’t have because I was no longer a mother. 

I don’t know how I didn’t wake up earlier. I keep wracking my brain for a reason why I didn’t wake up. Why did you have to wake me up? Why didn’t I just know? I should’ve just known. I should’ve had a feeling, but I didn’t have any feelings. Because that’s what shock is. It’s nothing. It’s staring at everything and feeling absolute nothingness. 

It’s weird to think that that night we went to bed, laughing and chatting and snuggling close to each other. It’s weird to think that we had no idea what was coming. We were living in ignorant bliss. It’s sad that that was our last night we spent together as a whole family unit. I wish I knew about lasts before they happened, that way I could savor the moment. Soak it all up. Bask in the warmth of you. 

We fell asleep as we usually do did, you spooning me from behind, one hand on my belly the other on my back. You whispering that you loved me, you hoped I slept well; me telling you that the papaya sized thing in my uterus would make sure that I did not sleep well. You’d laugh, your breath would tickle my neck, then I’d laugh, and we’d finally calm down and fall asleep in each other’s arms. 

That’s the last time we fell asleep like that. I wish I knew. I would have appreciated the little things. I would’ve appreciated the way you rubbed little shapes on my skin, the way you dealt with me needing no comforter because I was always hot and sweaty, even though you run cold. I wish I could go back and appreciate every one of our lasts, just so I could hold onto those memories a little while longer. But I guess I’ve held onto them long enough if I’m giving them all back to you. 

Speaking of, what is your item for this letter? Go ahead. Go look. It isn’t going to be what you expect.”

He was much calmer than he was before. The numbness had returned. He felt kind of okay actually. He felt like that was the last bit of emotion he had left. But then again, he felt that way in letter four. He felt that way in letter seven. He knew it wouldn’t last, but he was determined to savor it, grind through the last few letters while he was still numb, then hopefully decide what to do while his head was clear. 

He reached in, surprised at what you had chosen. 

“Yes, this is definitely not what you expected. I’m sure you expected another baby memento, or maybe an ultrasound picture. But like I said, all the baby stuff is gone. And I’m keeping the ultrasounds. I’ll mail you copies, I promise. And unlike you, I don’t make a habit of breaking my promises. 

Now to anyone who doesn’t know PG, this little stuffed unicorn looks like it was for the baby. But when you know her as well as we do, you know it was for me. Penelope decorates her desk with trinkets and light-up frogs and flower pens because they help her see the bad. They make it easier. By giving me this, she was giving me something to protect me from the horror I would have to face. And for a little while, it actually worked. I hope it’ll do the same for you.”

He laughed, an honest, genuine, laugh. He held the stuffed thing in his hands, leaning back onto the bed. It was white with rainbow hair and a glittery purple horn. He remembered when Penelope brought it in the room, delicately placing it on your bedside table.

“She’ll need this, and so will you,” She said. Spencer just nodded and watched her disappear. 

“I will spare you the grisly details, Spence; you were there. I will just mention the main ideas. 

As I sat there, staring at the mess that had formed in front of me, you got up. You were visibly shaking as you turned on the lights and called an ambulance. Your face was gray. I’ve never seen it that color. I couldn’t focus on anything except you and the pain. God, the pain. It radiated from my abdomen, up into my heart and festered there. It was a different kind of pain, unlike any I’d ever experienced before. Then came the adrenaline, pumping through my body at an insane rate. Then I felt foggy, like I was watching what was happening to me on a tv screen. It was the closest thing to an out-of-body experience I’ve ever had.  

You knelt down next to me, holding my torso. We didn’t speak. We didn’t cry. We were both in shock.

I don’t even know what you said to the people on the phone. I assume you told them what you had already diagnosed. You told them the truth: I was miscarrying. 

It still hurts to say. I still have a hard time saying the word out loud. “Pregnancy loss,” “Spontaneous abortion,” “Miscarriage,” none of the words feel right. None of them feel like they accurately describe what happened to us that night. 

They put me on a stretcher, and that’s when it became real. I was crying, holding your hand so tight I thought I’d cut off blood supply. My other hand was on my torso, and I was begging whatever Gods are above to feel a kick. Just one little kick, or shift, or movement.

I didn’t. 

You stayed strong for me. You always were so good under pressure. You told the EMT every detail of my health history, while I was a blubbering mess. You called Hotch. You called Emily. You called my dad. You kept it together. You did everything right. God, Spencer, even from that very first day when I paid you to do my paperwork, you always did everything right. You’re the good one. You put nothing but good karma out into the world, so why do you keep getting bad karma back?

It’s ridiculous really, because we did do everything right. I took my prenatals and only drank water and green smoothies and I ate sweet potatoes and legumes and kale chips. I resisted the urge to eat nothing but Baja Blasts and Big Macs. I’m honestly angry. I’m angry because you and I, two good people, don’t get to have a baby, but some of these unsubs we encountered do? What kind of logic is that? What kind of world allows that to happen? What kind of God? A really shitty one, that’s who. 

Eventually they literally peeled you off of me in the ER. They had to make sure I wasn’t getting an infection, and that I had—God I can’t say it. They had to see if they needed to help me through it, if you know what I mean. They did. I had to get a d&c. 

I spent most of the time sobbing at the nurses. They all just held my hands and smoothed my hair. I begged for you, but they said no. I argued with them. I said I needed you there next to me. I didn’t want them to hold my hands and smooth my hair, I wanted you. But they insisted that the room had to stay clean. Eventually I was all cried out and they put me under. 

When I woke up this unicorn was next to me, staring me in the face and letting me know our friends were there. They knew. They had my back. This stuffed thing would help me face the bad that was coming. It would protect me. 

It was about eight. You pulled your chair up next to me, your hand in mine, head on my bed. I felt like shit. That’s the only way to put it. Anesthesia makes me nauseous as is, couple that with the night I had? I felt awful, and I felt it everywhere. 

When I woke up, you stirred too. Your eye bags were deep and dark, you still had on pajamas with some unknown fluids on them, and your hair was a wreck. 

I ran my hands through it, a force of habit, “Hi.”

“Hey,” you croaked. 

Our eyes met, and we both just fell apart. Tears spilled over so easily. We were two broken hearts in one hospital room. 

You crawled into the bed with me, making sure to be gentle and not hurt me, “Is this real life?” 

“Yeah, Love. I’m afraid it is,” you whispered into my hair. 

“I-It doesn’t feel like real life.”

You sighed, and shifted so we were both sitting upright, your arm around my shoulder, “I know. I wish it wasn’t.”

“W-What happened? What did I do? I th-thought I did everything right?”

You kissed my tears on my cheeks, “You did. You couldn’t have done anything to stop this. It was a chromosomal abnormality, trisomy sixteen.”

“What does that m-mean?”

“It means she had three copies of chromosome sixteen, which makes proteins in the body. She never would’ve—“

“Stop,” I said, not harshly or mean, just a sad moan, “I don’t want to know.” I took three shaky, deep breaths, trying to calm myself down, “I-I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be, there’s nothing we could’ve done. We’ll get through this, together, I promise.”

“I promise,” I said, and you kissed my temple, arms wrapped around me tightly, as if you could physically hold me together as I fell apart. You held me like that for a while, before we both fell asleep again in that teeny tiny hospital bed.

The unicorn wasn’t the one who protected me that night, it was you. You protected me more than I ever gave you credit for. I wish I could’ve stayed strong for you, the way you stayed strong for me. Thank you for that, Spencer. I mean it.”

Spencer got up from bed and felt lightheaded. Realizing he hadn’t eaten yet, he grabbed a mess of junk from the fridge and sat on the kitchen floor up against the dishwasher. The metal of the appliance was cold against his back, the ground below him was hard. It just felt right. 

He did keep his calm the whole time. He never cracked, not until the end when he cried with you. He spoke calmly and quietly when the team showed up. Garcia cried more than he did. Emily said she was on the next flight, ready and willing. Your dad didn’t say more than a few awkward and sad words. Morgan looked terrified. Hotch had his eyebrows knit together, as if with enough thinking, he could make the situation away. JJ stood silently, knowing the feeling, but not mentioning it. The only time he wavered was when Alex held him; the tears reached the surface but never spilled over. Everyone just circled around him, trying to protect him from the scariness that he’d face outside of their bubble. 

The nurse came up to him, telling him you were out and okay. It was a chromosomal abnormality, nothing could’ve prevented it. With some rest, you’d be okay physically, but mentally it would be a long road, for both of you. He nodded. The world felt like it was spinning. He couldn’t think straight. The walls seemed to move in around him, even as he stood still. 

“Reid, it’s mandatory. Four weeks. Minimum,” Hotch said, Spencer not hearing a word of it. 

“O-Okay. Fine, whatever. I just, I need to see her.” 

Derek reached out to stop him, “You know she isn’t going to be the same, kid.”

Spencer shook him off, “I know.”

But he didn’t know to what extent. He didn’t know that you’d still look pregnant, because your belly doesn’t automatically deflate. He didn’t know that your grieving process would be different from the way it was after Emily’s fake death. How naive of him to not realize that he’d grieve differently this time too. He thought he’d want to cry and talk and eat blueberry pancakes, just like last time. He didn’t realize that when a piece of you just suddenly stops being a piece of you, it’s jarring. It's the five stages of grief all at once and in the wrong order. It’s crying at a Pampers commercial and being angry when you see new moms. It’s people giving you soft looks of pity everyday. It’s lonely. It’s sad. It’s the worst heartbreak one can imagine. In short—it really fucking sucks. 

Spencer had no idea just how much it really fucking sucked. 

He saw you there, your skin drained of its warm color and tired, and stopped in his tracks. What would he say? What would he do? How would he approach you? How would he tell you that half of his heart just left his body? 

Rossi was the one who saw him stop at the threshold of your door. He saw Spencer pace back and forth, still in bloody pajamas. He saw Spencer stare at you, hands balled into fists like he was ready to fight the powers that be. 

He came up behind him, placing a kind hand on his shoulder, “Spencer, listen to me.”

Spencer didn’t react, he just kept staring at you, “I had a son, with Caroline. He died the same day he was born. I know what this feels like, Kid. I do. Trust me, it’ll get easier. I promise, but only if the two of you lean on each other.”

Spencer nodded dumbly, still not really processing anything around him, but with a nudge from Rossi he entered your room. He found his way to the bedside chair. 

“Hey, Y/N, I know you can’t hear me. The anesthesia hasn’t worn off yet. I just want to—no need to tell you that I love you. I’m not mad at you. I’m heartbroken, but here for you. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Remember how fast that narrative changed, Spence? 

We got home from the hospital that night and I grabbed a tub of ice cream. I figured losing the baby counted as ‘one of those days’. I thought we would eat in silence and it would make it all okay, like every other day. 

When I pulled it out, you scratched your head, “Not tonight. I’m tired.”

I nodded, feeling heavy and sore and weak, “Okay, see you upstairs?” 

You nodded again, and I put the tub away. I figured you were going to talk to the moon for a while, and I was going to let you. 

I fell asleep almost immediately, you never joining me. 

I got up and you were on the couch, making some lame excuse of how you were reading and must have fallen asleep there by accident.

“You okay today?” I asked you. 

You shrugged, “We won’t be okay for a lot of days.”

I knew you were right. It was a stupid question to even ask. I nodded. 

“How do you feel?”

“Sore, weak, empty. Like I need to sleep more.”

You tucked my hair behind my ear, and kissed my cheek. 

“I love you,” I said, and you responded with, “Love you too, I need to shower.”

Now there is a distinct difference between ‘love you’ and ‘I love you.’ Losing the ‘I’ loses the intimacy. It removes yourself from the statement. You removed yourself from that statement, and from me. 

That first day we talked a little. We mostly cried and you watched me sleep. But then suddenly it was like you didn’t want to talk about it. You didn’t want to share a bed. You didn’t even want to look at me. You didn’t want to be in that place. I don’t blame you, Spencer, I don’t. I didn’t want to be there either.

I understand why you blamed me. We needed to blame someone, because no way could life be that cruel to a person. I blamed myself for the loss for a while too. No matter how many times people said “it’s not your fault” it still felt like my fault. I still feel like it’s my fault, like maybe I could’ve done something to prevent this. It doesn’t matter how many support groups or therapists tell me I can’t blame anyone. How can I believe that when the person who means the most to me in this world feels like it I’m the only person to blame?”

He sighed. He never wanted to blame you, but some part of him did anyway. It was easier that way. If he blamed you, he wouldn’t have to blame himself like he always did. But, sometimes there is no one to blame but life itself. 

“Emily showed up that next day. She came in, in all her black bangs glory and held me. She had ice cream with me. She let me cry on her shoulders until I couldn’t anymore. She watched cheesy tv with me and distracted me with stories of her varied lovers in London. She supported me the way only a best friend could, the way I wish you did. Then she had to leave; London calls. And Derek took her place. He would come by when he could, usually with takeout that I couldn’t stomach. If he couldn’t come by, he’d always text or call. He always checked in, which I appreciated, but every moment with them was a moment spent wishing I was with you. 

You. For the first week or so, I saw you everyday. We even went to the beach, but when we came home? I tried to talk but we usually didn’t. More accurately, I spoke, and you stared at me. Then you started coming less and less and returning fewer and fewer of my calls. At the end, I think I saw you maybe once every other day, just for you to come and grab clean clothes or paperwork. God, everyone did your job except for you because you were too busy doing your real job. The job Hotch told you to take a few weeks off from. The job that I actually did take a few weeks off from, because my body was in disrepair. 

It’s not fair to sit here and tell you that you didn’t cater to my every grieving need correctly. It’s not fair for me to tell you how to grieve either. I respect what you did, Spence. I respect that you poured yourself into work. I know it isn’t fair that I wish you spent half that energy on us. But you know what actually isn’t fair? The way I’d tell people “we lost her,” but you’d say “Y/N lost her.” You know what wasn’t fair? The fact that you ran away from me and hid away in your apartment, doing God knows what with God knows who, after we promised to lean on each other, to heal together. You refused to do it. I wanted to. I tried to. I reached out. I called. I texted. 

But, I’m getting ahead of myself now. You still have three letters to go.”

Spencer glanced over at the box. It was nearly empty, just three stray items and three stray envelopes staring at him. He remembered the minute he set foot in that place, he felt the same way he did before he entered your hospital room. Frozen. Fear. Trepidation. 

Everything looked foreign. The walls that were once a saturated blue color looked grayer. The mug on the counter didn’t look like it was his. The pictures on the walls were of foreign people from a foreign land. The bed didn’t look like his bed. He felt like he was living on a movie set, where everything was a prop and everyone was a fake. 

He tried to stay. He went into that first night with the intentions of laying next to you in bed, watching tv, rubbing your back, and giving you water to make up for the amount of tears you shed. He really, honestly, tried, but the first thing he saw when he opened the front door was that picture of the two of you from Rossi’s house, holding up the onesie. Then he made his way into the kitchen, where the ultrasounds were pinned to the fridge with smiley face magnets. Then he went upstairs and passed the nursery. 

It had barely been started; all you’d done was paint it a soft, sage green. 

“This color is called ‘Soothing Sage’,” You said, handing Spencer a roller, “I sure hope this soothes her, because if she’s as active outside as she is inside, we have a problem.” 

“It will soothe her. That’s why I love green,” He said, grabbing the roller and starting to paint, as you sat on the floor trying to untangle Garcia’s homemade jungle animal mobile. 

“I thought you liked purple.”

He smiled, “ I do, but green brings balance and harmony. From a color psychology perspective, it is the great balancer of the heart and the emotions, creating equilibrium in the body. And from a color symbolism perspective, green is the color of growth, spring, renewal and rebirth.”

You laughed, “My favorite color is teal. What’s the color psychology for that?”

“Teal is a blend of blue and green, so naturally it combines both blue's tranquility and stability with green's balance and harmony.”

“I like it, I like it, how about orange? What does that mean?”

“Orange? Well, it’s bright and brings feelings of excitement, enthusiasm, and warmth—“ He cut himself off, turning from his almost done wall to find you eating more chips, “Stop distracting me!”

You put your hands up in surrender, “You’re too easy to distract Reid.”

He smiled, paint already all over him, as you spent the rest of the afternoon talking about what rocker you should buy and where the other painting Garcia made should hang. 

When he passed the room, the walls a pretty green, mobile in the corner over a few stray Ikea boxes, he couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t act like everything in that place didn’t make him want to scream into an abyss. He couldn’t play the dutiful boyfriend. He couldn’t walk around and not feel haunted. He was being haunted, not by the past, but by a future that should’ve been. 

He tried to explain it to you, but you two were on different pages. Hell, you were reading two different books that were in completely different languages. Communicating became impossible, and if he’s being honest with himself, he was kind of happy that it did. It made it easier in the moment, but worse in the long run. 

“I miss us. I miss you. I miss her. I know we never met her but I could feel her. She was strong, definitely a soccer player. Maybe she would’ve had our recessive athletic genes. She was part of me, and I loved her from the first time I threw up. I could tell she loved you. She moved whenever you spoke to me. She loved to rustle and shift when you laid on my lap and whispered to her. She was a daddy’s girl. That’s what you deserved. I’m sorry my body couldn’t handle it. I’m sorry that I couldn’t even do that right. I’m sorry couldn’t be what you wanted or what you needed, especially when you were all I ever wanted or needed. I don’t know how many more ways to show you that I’m sorry.

You left me the day we lost her Spence, I know you did. I lost you and her in one fell swoop. How do I cope with that?”

Spencer put the letter down, cradling the unicorn in his hands. He didn’t need you to apologize anymore. You’d done enough of that, so did he. He stopped being angry and bitter and spiteful the second you told him to go. You yelled at him to finish packing his bags and get out, since that’s clearly what he wanted.

That wasn’t what he wanted. He was just lost. He was confused. He felt like nothing had a purpose anymore. He understood what Gideon said in the letter he left him all those years ago. He questioned everything he thought he ever knew. He wanted to view it as a lesson, something he could learn from, but the hole in his heart wouldn’t let him.

He had every intention of coming back to you when he was ready, but when he finally was, you shut the door. He lost himself the moment he lost her, and that made him lose you too. How’s he supposed to cope with that?

Part 13!

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Taglist: @l0ve-0f-my-life @aperrywilliams @helloniallslovelies @random-ravings @ajwantsapancake @andiebeaword @boiled-onionrings @frnks-stuff @icantevenanymore1 @mellifluouswildbluebells @rottenearly @sammypotato67 @blushingwueen @peaxhyjaes @justanotherfangurlz @juniorgman187 @mbowles23-blog @blameitonthenight21​ @goldentournesol​ @rainsong01​ @thelifeofadumbbitch​ @swimmingfishwobblersludge @youre-a-wallflower-charlie​

#spencer reid #spencer x you #spencer #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fic #dr spencer reid #reid #reid x you #cm #cm fic #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #matthew gray gubler #mgg fanfiction #mgg smut #mgg

[jjsjuiceboxx]

LOVE THAT KEEPS ON GIVING

SUMMARY- You and JJ hang out for the day but he goes home grab his back pack and had a run in with his dad.

⚠️WARNINGS⚠️: mentions of abuse, blood, cussing, slight angst.

A/N: I love writing for JJ but I HATE writing him being hurt in anyway it makes me so sad #protectjjseason2. I got carried away this is SO Long also I can’t find where the person asked for these from my prompt list but I remember who it was for so @hemogoblin-s this is for you, happy reading :).

☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎ ☮︎

Currently you and JJ were hanging out feet in your pool, your parents had good money but not enough to qualify you as a kook. You were listening to JJ tell you stories about him and the pogues adventures, you and JJ’s relationship was a secret not because either of you were embarrassed or ashamed but Just because it was new and you and JJ wanted some time to just be together before the whole island found out.

“Ok so this one time John b and I were surfing and we were waiting for another wave and something got my attention and I looked over and saw this triangle swimming close to us, and that can only mean one thing....a shark” JJ said dramatically you started to laugh “baby, why are you laughing that isn’t funny” JJ pouted at you.

“No no not laughing at the story I’m laughing how you described the shark fin as a triangle coming to you” you said laughing some more JJ started laughing too “well it is a triangle isn’t it?” JJ asked still laughing. Once you to calmed down you looked at JJ and how the water reflected off his face he looked so angelic.

“Do you want to sleep over?” You asked JJ looking at him with so much love he looked back at you and blushed slightly but smiled and nodded his head “oh shit I have to go get my back pack I left at my house with all my shit” he said putting his head in his hands and sighing, you knew about JJ’s home life and why he always slept at John b’s once he told you that story you told him he is always allowed to come to your house and stay you even had a key made for him and then painted it for JJ so he knew it was to your house.

You wrapped your arms around JJ and kissed his head “do you want me to drive you over there?” You asked softly you felt JJ shake his head no. “I don’t want you to go to my house I don’t want anything to happen to you” he said looking at you you nodded your head “ok then I won’t, but I will always be here for you” you reminded him he stood up and put his hand out you took it and he helped you up “I know and I’m so grateful, I’m here too you know” JJ said you hugged him.

“Ok I’m going to head to my house hopefully my dad is at the bar considering it’s not even 5 pm” JJ said pulling out of the hug and kissed you “ok, be safe hurry back” you said kissing him once again he smiled “I’ll try, but I’ll literally run back here soo fast, you know you’re my favorite hello and hardest good bye” JJ said blushing you giggled “then how about a see you later?” You asked “yeah I like that better I never wanna say goodbye”

The sun had went down and you were cooking dinner for you and JJ you knew he would be back soon, you lived in the cut just before you got to figure 8 but JJ’s house was a long walk so you weren’t worried. JJ’s dad was probably at the bar so you were sure JJ got his stuff and was on his way back.

You had hoped JJ would get back just as dinner finished so it was stuff warm and fresh for him, you always wanted the best for JJ and any chance you got you made sure of just that, you heard the door open you knew it was JJ as your parents were out of town they love JJ and actually prefer he stay with you while they were gone they trusted JJ and JJ knew this and had never felt so loved in his life.

You continued to cook dinner waiting for JJ to walk in but instead you heard a loud thud and then a painful groan, you immediately stopped what you were doing and ran to your front door to see JJ on the floor in a fetal position, “babe, oh my god what happened?” You questioned extremely worried JJ slowly rolled on to his back and you could see his lip and nose bleeding something awful he weakly smiled at you and responded “my dad, he was home” was all he had to say you knew the rest hell you could see the rest.

“Sorry for getting blood on your floor” JJ said meekly as he looked to see he had bled on your white tiled floor, “JJ I don’t care about the damn floor I care about you, can you stand up?” You asked brushing hair off of his forehead, JJ nodded and started to sit up you helped him and brought him to your downstairs bathroom where you kept your first aid kit, you had bought a big one online for serious injuries it broke you heart doing so because you had only bought it to help aid JJ’s wounds.

JJ say on the toilet seat already knowing the drill you had don’t this enough times that he knew where to sit and what you needed him to do to fix his injuries, as you got out what you needed; hydrogen peroxide, bandaids, gauze, cream ( to help his swollen face and bruising you knew he had under his shirt ) and some aspirin. You gave JJ a towel to apply pressure to his still bleeding nose. After you got all the things you needed out you came over to JJ and he removed the towel he had to his nose, he was staring blankly at the plain wall in front of him.

You knew after times like this that he was still processing what had happened, he would tell you why it happened this time after you were done patching him up he would always end up crying later holding you so tight while he cried his eyes out you always held him back even tighter if it was possible while you had silent tears streaming down your face, you had to be strong for him while he was breaking so you did just that you did what he needed you to In that situation, you opened the hydrogen peroxide and a q-tip dunking the q-tip into the liquid you came over to JJ and tilted his head up slightly to have better access to the cut on his lip.

You bent down and gave a soft peck on his nose to help comfort him, “I’m Gunna clean your split lip now” you stated moving closer to his lip he nodded. You always told him what you were doing before you did it after something as traumatic as this, you didn’t want to scare him as you applied the liquid to his split lip he watched you as your brows furrowed in concentration. You threw the q-tip that was coated in blood in the trash next to the toilet.

You then started to examine his nose that had stopped bleeding to make sure it wasn’t broken; it wasn’t. “good news it’s not broken but it’ll bruise” you told him he nodded again and you grabbed the anti swelling cream it was one of those creams that eases pain by leaving it feeling a cool and tingly feeling, you popped open the tube and put some on your finger a dime size amount, “I’m gunna put this on your nose now ok?” You asked JJ he smiled slightly and nodded he always liked how soothing you sounded and how you always made sure he was aware and ok with what you were doing.

You put light pressure not wanting to hurt his nose and rubbed in the cream once you did that you washed your hands and went to the bandaids you opened them up they were butterfly bandaids for his lip, “I’m going to put the band aids on and then your face will be done” you told him you squatted in front of JJ and places the two butterfly bandaids to his lip, the whole time he was staring into your eyes he saw how concerned and soft your eyes were as you focused.

You put you hands on his knees and used it as leverage to stand back up, “anywhere else?” You asked quietly you didn’t want to talk too loud and scare him either he shook his head no you nodded and turned back to the first aid kit and put all the supplies back into the bag and stuck it back under the sink.

“I’m going to clean the mess up In the foyer and I’ll be right back” you said turning around to walk away but JJ Had grabbed your hand and spun you back to him “I should clean that up I’m the one who caused the mess” JJ told you you shook your head no “no you go and sit down I’m going to clean it up, I’m taking care of you” you told JJ he could tell not to argue so he just looked down and nodded his head.

After you mopped up the blood you went to find JJ you handed him his bag “he was mad that I wasn’t at home often and told me to stay and not go out, but I didn’t listen I can’t be in that house anymore even when he is gone and when I went to leave he...he hit me” JJ said looking down at the floor you came and sat next to him “you don’t have to ever go back there babe you can stay here with me you know my parents adore you, and I know John b will let you stay there you can go back and forth, but you don’t ever have to go back to that place” you said hugging him from behind JJ nodded you held him for a bit and stood up holding your hand out to him “go get in the shower I’ll throw your clothes into the laundry and try to get the blood out” JJ took your hand and stood up allowing you to walk him to the bathroom upstairs.

Once you both got in you shut the door behind you, JJ raised his hands in the air to let you take his clothes off for him you always did this because you knew he was probably so exhausted and JJ always let you do it. Once his clothes were off and he was butt naked in front of you usually you would make a joke about shower sex or something like that or he would but now was not the time, you started to move JJ’s body around just to make sure he didn’t have any injuries he was unaware of, it’s happened before.

When you were sure it was just his face you turned to the shower turning it on for him and making sure it wasn’t to hot or to cold, once you got it at a good temperature you turned to JJ “ok I’ll be downstairs putting your clothes in the wash and then I’ll be finishing up dinner if you’re up for it?” You asked picking up JJ’s clothes that was covered in dirt and blood and you noticed some new holes in his shirt making a mental note to see them shut, JJ nodded and pulled you into his arms and hugged you, he sighed into your hair “you smell nice” he said you giggled and thanked him “I’d say you smell good to but I don’t want to lie to you, after your shower though you’ll smell very very good” you told JJ he laughed at that which made you smile knowing you took his pain away from a slight second.

“Thank you for always being here no matter what and for loving me and for helping me put my broken pieces back together” JJ breathed out, you pulled away from the hug “of course babe I take care of my people you’re my people I will always make sure you’re ok” you told him rubbing his arm “I love you” he said “I love you too bubby, now get your hot ass in the shower” you said slapping his ass gently of course you heard him laugh before you shut the door behind you.

Once you put JJ’s clothes in the wash you went back to making dinner after you did that and put it into a bowl then set it on the kitchen table, you went to JJ’s bag on the couch and pulled out all the stuff he would need for the night; sweat pants, phone, phone charger. He didn’t have a tooth brush in the bag because he has one at your house for when he stays over, you went to your room and plugged his phone into the charger it was dead. Then you took his sweat pants and sprayed your perfume on it JJ says he likes the way you smell and that it comforts him you then folded his sweatpants up and opened the bathroom door and set them on the counter so JJ saw them when he finished his shower.

You went back down stairs and watched some tv while you waited for JJ, soon after he came down the stairs in the sweat pants you laid out for him “did you spray perfume on my sweat pants?” JJ asked you while smirking you nodded “yeah i remember you told me it comforts you because it remind you of me” you said after you said that you heard JJ sniffle and immediately ran to him “what’s wrong are you ok?” You rushed out holding JJ into your arms he held you back “yeah I’m ok these are happy tears, I’m happy you make me happy, you remember small things I tell you like your perfume it’s just nice to know that someone cares enough about me to remember those things and then to do them without me saying it, it just feels good. I love you and I’m so grateful to have you in my life” JJ said still crying you were crying now too.

“J of course I remember it’s important even if it’s something so small like how you love Mac and cheese by the way I made it for dinner, or how you hate mustard. I remember all of that because it’s what makes you you and I love you so fucking much JJ” you said holding his face in your hands gently using you thumb to wipe the tears off his face, “you make me forget my life is fucked up, when I’m with you I’m my best self I love you more and I always will everyday I love you more and more” JJ said before he kissed you he pulled you closer you ran your hands through his hair kissing back.

“I want my friends to meet you, I know we were waiting but I want them to meet you because I know they will love you but I obviously love you more, it doesn’t have to be tomorrow but think about it?” JJ asked still holding you you smiled “I’d love to meet them next time you go out on the hms pogue count me in” you told JJ he smiled so wide and kissed your head “now let’s eat some Mac and cheese” JJ said dragging you to your kitchen table.

#obx imagine #rudy pankow imagines #outer banks imagines #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #rudy pankow #rudy pankow x reader #jj maybank imagines #jj maybank outerbanks

[littlesliceofmarvel]

2 A.M

Prompt: Bucky x Reader - 27 “Why can’t you let someone care about you?”

Warnings: angst ofc, swearing (is that a surprise at this point)

A/N: Hope everyone is taking care of themselves in Quarantine! Wash your hands, hug your dog, eat some soup. It’s self care time! Hit up my prompt list if you want to request a number & character! xoxoxo

-

With his head in his hands, Bucky let out a breath he’d kept inside for who knows how long. The dark room seemed to close in on him as his lungs struggled to regulate his breathing. Gunshots seemed to echo in his ears, and he had to pinch himself in the shin to block out the noise in realization that it wasn’t real.

Nightmares were nothing new to Bucky. From falling off the train, to Hydra, to being wiped off the face of the Earth for five whole years, he had enough dark material in his head to fuel nightmares for the entire population.

Every night they seemed to get worse. Bucky can’t remember last time he slept for more than two hours straight. It felt as if every time he closed his eyes, he could see flashes from every single horrid thing he had done in his life. Karma was really coming back to bite him in the ass.

Knowing he wasn’t going to fall back asleep any time soon, he picked up his shirt on the floor and threw it on, the cold fabric against his burning skin somehow helping to slow down his breathing.

He got our of bed, careful not to wake anyone else in the compound as he made his way to the training room to take out his frustrations as he ended up doing most nights. Despite the pitch black hallways, Bucky manoeuvred his way through without bumping into anything. He knew this place like the back of his hand.

Stepping into the training room, he was expecting to be alone like every other night. Which is why when his eyes landed on you swinging your fists at a punching bag in the corner of the room only being lit up by the city lights coming through the window, he was caught of guard to say the least.

You had your fists wrapped in gauze, not even flinching as you laid punch after punch against the leather bag. Bucky analyzed you, from the leggings that hugged your lower half perfectly, to the messy ponytail on your head, to the headphones that sat in your ears making you believe you were still alone in the room.

He doesn’t know how long he sat there staring at you, but without thinking, he approached you and placed a hand on your shoulder, hoping to start up some sort of conversation or something. He wasn’t really sure why he did it, if he was being honest.

“Holy shit-” you jumped back, throwing your headsets away from you as you looked over to the person who snuck up on you, “Bucky? What the hell are you doing? You can’t just sneak up on people at 2 am in the dark like that.”

Bucky didn’t say anything, his eyes still scanning over your figure. Your cheeks were tinted red and a thin layer of sweat was sitting by your hair line. Your chest moved up and down rapidly - from the workout or the scare, Bucky didn’t really know - and your hands were still held in tight fists.

“Sorry, Y/N,” he mumbled, bringing his eyes up to look into yours, “I didn’t mean to scare you.” He really did feel bad, the last thing he wanted was to scare you. Lord knows he’s terrified enough people in his life.

You looked him over, guilt stinging in your chest from snapping at him. His dark brown locks were disheveled and slightly wet, despite the fact that he wasn’t working out. You knew the signs that someone had had a nightmare and Bucky showed those exact signs off perfectly. His eyes were drooped, and his beard was starting to grow in patches. You had seen Bucky just a few hours beforehand, but something about seeing him in the dim light of the training room at 2 am made him seem so much more troubled.

“No, it’s - it’s fine, Buck,” you started to unwrap the gauze from your hands, the stinging sensation on the skin of your knuckles almost going unnoticed as you looked at the tired man in front of you, “What are you doing in here anyways?”

He looked down ready to defend himself, “It’s nothing, I just thought I heard someone and came to check it out. Just to be safe.”

You didn’t know Bucky that well, but you were able to tell he was lying. You placed a hand on his chin and made him look at you with those clouded eyes of his.

“I call your bluff, Barnes,” you flashed a small smile, breaking the contact and throwing the gauze to the side before placing your hands on his broad shoulders, “You can talk to me. C’mon, it’s 2 am. This is literally the ‘spill all your secrets’ hour.”

Bucky smiled briefly, feeling surprisingly at ease in your company. He felt his skin tingle under your touch and a part of him wanted you to keep your hands on him forever. He shook his head abruptly to shrug off the feeling, not liking how vulnerable he felt, and turned away from you.

“It’s whatever. I’ve got to head back to my room, see you in the morning.”

You jogged up to him as he started to walk away and stood in the entrance, blocking his exit. His eyes met yours as if silently pleading you to move, but there was no way you were going to do that.

“Don’t pull this whole ‘it’s whatever’ shit, I know something is bothering you,” you tried to speak as gently as possible, but the forcefulness in your tone let Bucky know you wanted to figure out what was going on.

He bit his tongue, looking down at you with both appreciation and annoyance. Bucky wasn’t one to open up, you knew that, but he had to understand that he wasn’t alone. Everyone in this compound was messed up in the head too.

“Y/N-” Bucky whispered, moving closer to you. You knew he wanted you to move out of the way, but something in you made you do something else. You wrapped your arms around his torso and pulled him closer to you, nuzzling your head into the crook of his neck.

You felt him tense under your touch, his arms staying limp by his sides for a good few moments. Bucky wasn’t sure what to do. Here you were, with your arms tightly embracing him, your hair tickling his chin and the smell of your shampoo filling his nose, and he was just standing there like an exhausted fool.

He felt himself give in, wrapping his arms around you as if you were the only thing grounding him to reality. You felt his cold metal fingers graze the bare skin on your lower back, but the warmth of his body kept you cozy enough to brush it off.

“Talk to me, Bucky. Why can’t you let someone care about you?” you mumbled into his neck, sending shivers down his spine and causing goosebumps to rise on his skin. You have no idea why you were currently being so intimate with the soldier, you had never really had much of a connection with him before. But something about the atmosphere and your tired mind and how good he looked standing in front of you made you fall into him like you’d known him your whole life. His heart swelled at your words, and he hated the thought of not being around you for the rest of the night, so he decided to let you in.

“Okay,” he whispered back, not really wanting to let you go. You pulled away, and he reluctantly dropped his arms to his side and followed you into the living room space. He watched you sit down on the couch and grab a fuzzy pillow to hold in your arms as he sat across from you, his eyes following your every move as if it were the most fascinating thing on the planet.

“What’s on your mind?” You asked him, catching him out of his daze.

“I have nightmares,” he admitted to you, surprised at how your expression never faltered.

“I know.”

“You - what? How do you know?” he asked, feeling his heart rate pick up slightly. He almost recoiled from you out of insecurity but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

“I can hear you at night sometimes.”

Bucky’s cheeks flushed and he tried to hide his head in his hands. It was true, there had been quite a few instances where you walked by his room at night to hear whimpers and mumbles, sometimes his quiet screams would echo down the compound hallways, disrupting your already restless slumber.

“Don’t be ashamed, Buck,” you replied, scooting closer to him, “I have them often too. That’s why I was in the gym tonight. It helps tire me out, and it’s a bonus that I can release my anger. It’s like a two-in-one package deal.”

His eyes widened, “Really?”

You nodded, looking down to your lap before meeting his gaze once more, “I had a feeling that’s why you were in there too.”

Bucky felt both relieved and upset. Relieved that he wasn’t alone in this, that someone would understand how tired and frustrated he felt, that someone could be there to relate and support him. But, he was also upset that there was something bothering you that you had been dealing with alone for a  long time. He had done the same, so he sent no judgement your way, but it made him realize that talking to someone might even help his situation. if you could be so strong about this, so could he

“I can’t stop having them,” he felt so vulnerable, he had never felt like this before and it was a little off-putting. He had been trained his entire life to hide any ounce of emotion or weakness, and here he was, in front of you in a nearly pitch black living space, and he just wanted to pour everything out to you and hold you close.

“What are they about?” You asked, draping your hand over his shoulder and letting your fingers fall into his hair. You started to twirl a little strand, regretting it as soon as you noticed how tense Bucky had gotten. You were about to pull your hand away but he leaned into your touch ever so gently, silently asking you to continue.

“The fall. What Hydra made me do. What might still be in my head. I have nights where I see myself hurting someone on the team. It’s just… I don’t know how to make them go away, but at the same time I feel like I deserve it for what I’ve done. I’ve killed people. People who had families, friends, lives of their own. And I’m here complaining about sleep.”

Your heart sank as you took in the delicate features on his face. He looked so heartbroken and desperate, yet so angry with himself. You tilted his chin to make him look at you once more.

“Hey, stop that. You’re not who they made you. That was in the past. And it wasn’t even you, so you can’t let that sit on your conscious. You have done so much good in the past few years, I mean come on, you’re one of Earth’s mightiest superheroes. Stop doing this to yourself, Buck.”

He gave you a small smile, shaking his head slightly, “I guess you’re right.”

“You guess?” you scoffed quietly, “I know I’m right. And I know everyone in here thinks the same thing. Hydra’s the real monster here, not you.”

He looked into your eyes and you swear your heart skipped a beat. You had no idea what all these sudden strong feelings were, but it kind of felt right. He leaned into you and your breath caught in your throat.

As if coming to his senses, he pulled away slightly and his eyes drifted down to his lap, “You’re right. I need to get over this stupid thing. Thanks for being there for me, Y/N. I’m here for you too, if ever you need me.”

You smiled at him, a genuine, happy smile, and his heart did a flip in his chest.

From then on, you and Bucky were practically inseparable. Always looking after each other on missions, often spending night after night talking about anything and everything together when neither of you could sleep, and the connection between you two grew day by day. He was utterly captivated by everything you did.

And maybe, just maybe, you realized you were falling for Bucky Barnes too.

-

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes imagines #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes one shots #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fics #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes reader insert

[songficsbyrissi]

The Fix part 5

Previously on the Fix....(click here for part 4)

As you got closer, you could see it was a man. Fear grew in your body because what business did this man have with you? When you got close enough, the man looked up at you, and you felt your heart drop a thousand feet. You couldn’t believe your eyes.

“Aaron?”

************

“Aaron?”

You were stunned, seeing the man you called your boyfriend finally show his face after all this time. He was looking better than he did the last time you saw him. More rested and relaxed. Guess the break did him some good. Aaron stood up, slowly, and gave you a small smile.

“Hi.”

You smiled back, nervously. “Hi. What are....what are you doing here?”

He gestured towards your door. “Can we go inside?”

“Uhhh sure. Yeah, of course.” You let out a deep breath you didn’t even know you were holding and stepped forward to unlock your door. You opened the door, letting Aaron inside and locked it behind you. Your heart was in a marathon as your head was drowned with anxious thoughts. Right when you forgot about him. Right when you’re ready to accept that he wasn’t yours anymore. Right when you were catching feelings for someone else, he brings his ass back to you.

After some silence, you heard him sigh heavily, staring at his fingers that interlocked in front of him. You sat next to him, waiting for him to speak.

“To answer your question, I’m ready to come back and work on us.”

Record scratch. What?

You stood up abruptly. “Wait, wait, wait. Now you’re ready? After all this time?”

“Well yeah. Why else would I be here, Y/N?”

“I thought you were here to finish the job and break up with me.”

“Do you want me to break up with you?”

At that moment, you found yourself lost for words. Is that what you want? Damn, this was your boyfriend since you started college. So far, You had your whole college experience with him. Were you ready to let him go?

You didn’t know.

Aaron got up from his seat and stepped closer to you. “Listen, I know I fucked up by going ghost on you. That wasn’t right, and I’m sorry. I was just finding myself, and I needed to get you off my mind to properly focus on myself. You gotta understand that.”

You didn’t know why, but you began to tear up at his words. This was what you were waiting for. An explanation. A fucking explanation, as to why he left you hanging after all this time. Why was it making you cry though? Is it because it meant a lot to you? Or that it meant nothing to you, and that scared you?

Once again, you just didn’t know.

Aaron pulled you into a tight hug, and you began to sob in his arms. You were overwhelmed, confused, and sad. What was he doing to you? You were ok until he came back. At least you thought you were ok. Were you ok?

“All this damn time, Aaron!” You pushed him off you. “All this damn time, I just wanted you! I just wanted your ass, and you left me! No call, no text, not even a fucking letter in the mail! I got nothing from you! I waited for you! I waited so long for you!”

He remained quiet as you released your frustration and all the other emotions you felt during the break. You needed this. You needed to let all your emotions and hurt go on the person who caused it.

You began to laugh sarcastically. “What makes you think you even deserve me back?”

“I don’t think I deserve you back, but I’m going to try to deserve you. I need you back, Y/N.”

You couldn’t say that you were expecting that answer. You swallowed hard as you prepared to ask the next question.

“Was there another girl?”

“What?”

“WAS THERE ANOTHER GIRL?!” You screamed, then put a finger in his face. “And don’t you fucking lie to me, Aaron! Was this “break” taken so you can fuck other bitches?”

“No! I didn’t fuck other bitches. I just.....” he sighed deeply, avoiding your eyes. “I just needed my space. I was figuring a lot of things out. I needed the space.”

You wiped your face and turned away from him.

“I need time to think.”

Aaron came up behind you and kissed the top of your head before walking out the door.

Everything was so confusing now. You really thought you were ready to move on. Live life without Aaron. Without talking to him, without thinking about him, without seeing him. You could’ve sworn you were prepared with not doing that shit anymore, which was hard. He was your first love. Once upon a time, he made you so happy, then he made you sad, and now he’s making you frustrated and confused.

You had developed feelings for T’Challa. You didn’t mean to, but you did. Also, he was feeling the same way too. Great sex aside, he was sweet, caring, and looks to match. Unfortunately, he’s a professor, and you’re a student. It’ll be wrong to be more than that, but you lowkey wanted to be more than that.

You concluded that you had to sleep on it and so you did. When you woke up, you saw two good morning texts. Each of the texts were from the two men in your life.

Aaron:

Good morning, Y/N. I know you told me to give you some space, but I wanted you to know I love you.

And then there was T’Challa’s text.

Mr. F:

Good morning, beautiful Y/N. I hope you slept well. I am looking forward to seeing you in my office hours

You laughed at his message, happy that he finally learned to text like a normal person. However, you didn’t think you could see him just yet. Your mind was a mess. You couldn’t face him right now.

You went through the whole day going to classes and avoiding your friends and T’Challa. When you got back to your dorm room after classes, there was a knock at your door. You sighed deeply to yourself. This thinking thing wouldn’t work if Aaron keeps popping up. You opened the door, slightly irritated but relaxed, seeing your friend Cass at the door.

“It’s about time I’ve seen you, Casper!” She invited herself, and you closed the door behind her with a raised eyebrow.

“Casper?”

“Yes, bitch. Because you’re a ghost. But you unfriendly. Anyways, what’s going on?” Cass questioned with her hands on her hips, and you turned around to face her.

“Aaron‘s back.....he came back.” You breathed, happy to finally say it out loud but nervous about her reaction.

Cass made a face. “Ok...? Isn’t that good?”

You sighed deeply, rubbing your forehead. “I don’t know. Is it?”

“Um yes! You know how that old saying goes. If you love something, let it go, and if it comes back, then it’s yours. He came back, bitch!” She stated, excitedly as she grabbed your shoulders.

“He did.” You forced a smirk while looking down.

“Soooo he’s yours!”

You kinked an eyebrow at your friend in suspicion. “Why are you so happy about me and Aaron getting back together!”

She rolled her eyes and shook your shoulders. “Because! I was rooting for y’all! I loved you guys together. As your friend, I couldn’t let you know that because you were heartbroken and shit, but now that it’s happening, I can say it!”

When Cass left your dorm room, you dialed Aaron’s number, and it took him a few rings before he answered.

“Hey Y/N.”

You managed a smile. “Hey. I’ve been thinking, and I decided that we should get back together.”

“You mean that?” He questioned in an excited tone.

You bit your bottom lip. “Yep. Maybe we can go out tomorrow night, get some food, and catch up.”

You could hear his grin on the other line. “Yes. That sounds great. Thank you, Y/N. I won’t let you down.”

“Mhmm.” You hummed before hanging up the phone and throwing yourself on the bed.

Let’s hope he doesn’t.

“Aaron’s back. He...came back.” You avoided making eye contact with the man in front of you. You couldn’t bring yourself to see his reaction.

You heard him shift in his seat. “Why are you telling me this?”

You bit your lip, not knowing what to say next. You literally didn’t know what to say next. You didn’t know what was the right course of action. You felt like you were stuck between a rock and a hard place.

“Y/N.......” T’Challa got up and closed the gap that you purposely between you two. Damn him. “What are you trying to say?”

You sighed deeply, staring at the ground. “I don’t know.....I just......”

T’Challa stepped in a realization that pissed him off, but he barely showed it. “You want him back.”

It was kind of a question yet kind of a statement. He said it, seeing if you would confirm or deny it.

“I don’t know.” You stepped away from him and faced his bookshelf. “I think I do.”

T’Challa was mad. Livid, almost. However, he was hurt, for the most part. He knew deep down, you still had feelings for your “boyfriend”, but he ignored it. He had hoped Aaron would never come back so he could have you and your heart to himself. But he came back, reminding that you had loved him once upon a time. He should’ve known.

“I take it that we’re done.”

Detecting the anger in his tone, you turned around. “What do you want me to do, T’Challa? He’s my boyfriend. He’s been my boyfriend all this time!”

What did he want you to do? He wanted you to realize he was the man for you, not punk ass Aaron. If he was your man, he would’ve treated you like the queen you are and not abandon you like Aaron did.

But he couldn’t make you realize that. That was something you had to realize on your own. Studying psychology does that to you.

“If he’s been your boyfriend, then what have I been to you all this time, Y/N?” T’Challa questioned with the most hurt expression you’ve ever seen on a man. What did you do?

It hurt you to say it. “My therapist. You’ve been my therapist.”

“As your therapist, I want to say that he doesn’t make you happy, and you know that.”

You snapped. “If he didn’t make me happy, then why the fuck would I get back together with him? Huh? You trying to say I’m stupid or something? Why would I go back to a nigga that didn’t make me happy?!”

“He’s making you sad! The reason why you won’t let go of what’s making you sad is because once upon a time, he was the only thing making you happy. He’s not anymore! Ever since I’ve met you, you found happiness within yourself, and you don’t even realize that! You don’t even see how good you were doing and that him coming back is going to ruin your progress! He’s no good for you, and there’s nothing more I can say to make you realize that!”

You shook your head turning away from T’Challa and facing the door. You felt him walk up behind you and circle his arms around your waist. You felt his lips at your ear and heard him whisper.

“I think.....I think I l.....”

You turned around to face him with a puzzled expression, gazing into his eyes. “You think you what?”

T’Challa shook his head and kissed your forehead. “Nothing. Just go on and be with him. That’s what you’ve wanted all along.” He managed to plaster a fake smile on his face. You weren’t really buying it but figured you had to. You said goodbye and walked out of the door. As you walked away from his office, you felt yourself tearing up and didn’t know why. What was the problem? You’ve gotten what you wanted, right?

Then why aren’t you happy about it?

TAGS:     @iamrheaspeaks @chaneajoyyy @oceanscorazon @marvelpotterlove  @brattywriters-anonymous@cancerianprincess @blowmymbackout @ljstraightnochaser @blackpinup22 @airis-paris14 @vibranium-chakra@sociallyawkward18@chefjessypooh @mychemicalimagines@nerd-lovely @slimmiyagi @imasmille @ashanti-notthesinger @thehomierobbstark @give-me-a-million-dollars-pls @quietstorm-73 @90sinspiredgirl @lewatigress @kaykay0829 @queennanayaa @mysticbrownie @holy-minseok @queenof-wakanda @vibranium-chakra@slimmiyagi @yourfavoritefavorite @destino1 @theblulife​ @browngirldominion​ @guccixcucci​ @ladye103​ @fandom-fangirl22​ @voyagetoadinas9 @ambthegamer​ @catzspaceships​ @darkskin-buttercup​ @blackrockshooter780​

#T'Challa #T'Challa Udaku #t'challa fanfiction #t'challa x you #t'challa fic #t'challa udaku x reader #t'challa x reader #T'Challa x black reader #t'challa x black! reader #professor! t'challa #tchalla x reader #black panther #black panther imagine #black panther fanfiction #black panther fanfic #black panther fic #black panther x reader #t'challa udaku x black reader #t'challa udaku x black! reader #the fix

[artificialqueens]

Stupid For You, Chapter 7 (Crygi, Jankie, Jaida x Nicky) - Metaluna

Fic summary: A cliche lesbian AU. It’s the summer before Gigi goes to college, and she decides it’s time to take a job at a local amusement park. There, she meets Crystal, a beautiful girl that she with bonds over the anxiety of the service industry. Almost immediately, Gigi gets it BAD for Crystal. Meanwhile, Jackie definitely ISN’T gay. She likes men. Only. Men. What happens when a beautiful girl named Jan comes into the picture? And lastly, Nicky flirts with anything with a pulse. Jaida falls for anyone who gives her attention. This is going to be one interesting summer

Chapter summary: If anyone knows how to party, it’s the staff of Paradise Isle. When Brita turns 21, she’s determined to have the biggest party Paradise Isle has ever seen.

A/N: Hi everyone! I officially outlined the rest of the fic so it’s going to be 10 chapters total, three more to go!!

By the time Gigi made it down the exit ramp, all she wanted to do was leave. She heard Jan behind her, but kept moving forward. Her heart beat was pounding in her ears and she began to feel warm tears form in her eyes.

“Gigi, wait!” Jan called.

Gigi didn’t listen and instead kept walking. Jan managed to chase her all the way into The Landing until Gigi stopped dead in her tracks, rested her face in her hands and started crying. Wordlessly, Jan went up to her and wrapped her in a gentle embrace. Once Gigi broke away, Jan led them to a bench, and stayed quiet. She knew Gigi was about to explode at any second.

And she was right.

“How could she do that? What the hell? If she didn’t want to see me, she could have just fucking said something! I have no idea what the hell I did to her and why she’s acting the way she is, but I guess fuck my feelings! Right? Just fuck them!” Gigi threw her hands up in frustration before crying into Jan’s shoulder.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Jan cooed rubbing Gigi’s hair. She knew Gigi’s mascara was staining her shirt, but it was something she could worry about later.

“How could she?” Gigi’s voice was barely above a whisper.

“I don’t know, baby. There’s no way to know what’s running through her bizarre little head.”

Gigi wiped her eyes, trying to salvage what was left of her makeup. “I’m overreacting.”

“No, you aren’t. You need to feel whatever it is that you’re feeling. Your feelings are valid and you’re entitled to them,” Jan said firmly.

“I want to hate her.”

“Why?”

Gigi sighed. “I want to hate her, because that means I wouldn’t be in love with her anymore.”

“Wow,” Jan began. “I didn’t realize you were in that deep.”

“Jan, it’s bad.”

“Sounds like it.”

“If I could just hate her, I could be done and move on. I hate that when I see her pictures on Instagram with her shitty boyfriend, all I can do is think about how I wish it was me. I hate that she’s the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last thing I think about when I go to bed. I just want to hate her.”

“Do you honestly believe do any good?” Jan questioned.

Gigi mulled it over and sighed. “No. What am I going to do?”

“I wish I knew what to tell you, Gigi, but I don’t. But, we can figure out what we’re doing tonight. Do you want to leave, or do you want to keep hanging out with everyone? After the look I gave her and what I said to her, I don’t think she’ll come anywhere near you anytime.”

Gigi looked stunned. “Jan what the hell did you tell her?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Jan winked.

“I’m not going to let her ruin my night.” Gigi’s tone was determined. “Let’s go.”

–

Nicky and Jaida were awkwardly left behind in the queue. Since they were next, they ended up going on the roller coaster. Jaida had to admit, a roller coaster was a lot less fun when one of your friends was experiencing emotional trauma, even if you were in the front.

“Should we go find them?” Nicky asked as she grabbed her purse.

Jaida thought for a moment and said, “Honestly? I don’t want to make it worse. Gigi trusts Jan and I want Gigi to talk through all the emotional shit she’s feeling.”

“Good point.”

Jaida and Nicky made their way through The Backlands. Jaida knew that she had feelings for Nicky that Nicky didn’t share. Jaida also knew that every time they slept together, she felt herself falling a little harder. As much as Jaida didn’t want to break her own heart for her final summer at the park, she swore something felt different about Nicky.

As they walked, Jaida swung her hand forward making contact with Nicky’s to test her response.

“Sorry,” Nicky mumbled putting her hand closer to her side.

The response is not the one Jaida was looking for, which caused her to sigh.

Nicky slowed her pace. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Jaida forced a smile. “Just tired.”

“Gotcha.”

Jaida wondered how dense Nicky could be. Even though Jaida couldn’t be mad that Nicky didn’t return her feelings, it still frustrated her. While Jaida knew it was a horrible idea to keep going with their fling, she liked Nicky so much that she’d rather have her physically than not at all.

 Or did she?

This wasn’t healthy for her mental state. Jaida had enough on her plate already. Between writing essay after essay for law schools throughout the country as well as working six days a week, Jaida was nearing her limit. As much as she tried to tell herself that her fling with Nicky helped her decompress, she knew that wasn’t the case. It made everything much, much worse. Before she could think on it further, she was interrupted by her phone vibrating with a text from Jan.

so I honestly cant tell if gigi’s more hurt or pissed at crystal and honestly it really doesnt matter but she did say she wants to keep the night to keep going so I say let’s do it! we’re at the landing rn, where are you??

Quickly, Jaida reiterated to Nicky the situation, and texted back, Okay, good! We’ll meet you there.

The rest of the night was filled with memorable selfies, laughs that were mostly at the extent of Jan’s inability to ride roller coasters, and by the end of the night, Gigi felt great, and was determined to not let one person ruin what was already an incredible summer.  

Following National Roller Coaster Day, Jaida, Nicky, Jan, and Gigi bonded even further, and became inseparable. Through hanging out with Jan, Gigi also developed a very close bond with Jackie. Gigi never had a group of friends before, and was thankful she had such an amazing group of friends.

Gigi formed such a close bond with her friends that she all but forgot about Crystal. At times, they ran into each other in the break room, and every time, they didn’t so much as look at each other. While the environment was tense, there was never any negativity. No one was outwardly mean to each other. In fact, everyone but Gigi maintained being friendly with Crystal. Gigi couldn’t allow this to upset her, since they were all adults and could choose their friends. At times though, it did feel like a punch in the gut when Gigi was on her breaks and saw Jan stop to talk to Crystal.

One day, Gigi sat in the breakroom. As she at her lunch, Brita sat across from her.

“Hey, Brita,” Gigi greeted.

“As you know, my birthday is drawing near.”

All Brita talked about was how she was going to turn twenty one in a couple of weeks. Everyone knew it was Brita’s birthday, including people who didn’t even know Brita.

“So I’ve heard!”

“My parents are actually going to be out of town. So, I’m going to have a party. Not just any party. No, this party is going to be so big and so memorable that they’ll be talking about this like five summers from now.”

Gigi raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

Brita nodded. “I’m inviting literally everyone I know who works here…”

Gigi caught on to what Brita was saying. Even the people who weren’t well versed in what happened between Gigi and Crystal knew something was wrong. “That’s fine, Brita. I’m not going to let my relationship, or lack thereof, with someone ruin your birthday.”

“Good. It’s this Wednesday, starting at 10. That way everyone has time to get ready after work. Thank god for shortened park hours.”

The scheduling gods smiled upon Jaida, Nicky, Gigi, and Jackie. Somehow they all ended up with the same days off, one of which being Friday. It helped that Jaida always sweet talked the scheduler, and the scheduler knew who her friends were. Jaida wasn’t about using her feminine charm to get what she wanted.

The girls all agreed to get ready at Gigi’s, because she had the largest space. Getting ready with others was much more fun for Gigi than getting ready alone. Although, she had to admit it was a different feeling when she and Crystal got ready together for Heidi’s party. She forced that thought out of her head as she put on an 80’s playlist. Deciding what to wear to a party was Gigi’s favorite part of getting ready. Even if she didn’t want to admit it, she wanted this party to be the exact opposite as the previous party. Because of this, Gigi opted to wear a tight orange halter top with an blue high-waisted shorts, which was the exact opposite of her black and white outfit.

“You look like your room,” Jan teased eyeing Gigi’s room decor. 

Gigi rolled her eyes. “It’s not my fault that my two favorite colors look amazing on me.”

“Fair,” Jaida mused as she rummaged through her bag. “Shit. I forgot my eyelash glue.”

Nicky, who was sitting cross-legged on the ground blending out a smoky eye tossed hers to Jaida. “Here.”

“Thank you,” Jaida smiled sweetly expertly applying an eyelash.

Jackie looked on incredulously. “I have no idea how you do it.”

“Lots and lots of practice,” Jaida said as she batted her eyelashes in Jackie’s direction.

“Do you ever wear more than mascara and eyeliner in your waterline?” Nicky questioned, admiring her appearance in a hand mirror.

Jackie shook her head. “I just… don’t know how to do anything else. One time I tried to do wings and it looked like a drunk toddler did them. No wait, a drunk toddler would have done better.“

Jan’s face brightened. “Can I please do your makeup? Please?”

After hesitating, Jackie said, “What the hell. Why not?”

Jan squealed as she made her way over to Jackie, who was sitting in the chair at Gigi’s desk. Watching Jan do Jackie’s makeup made Gigi feel a pang of jealousy. All through high school, she’d never had the desire to date. Of course, she definitely didn’t want a boyfriend. But, she never thought about having a girlfriend either, and only knew that she liked girls. She also never had a friend group like the one she had now. She also never thought she’d have a group of friends she could trust as much as she trusted the friends she made. For once in her life, Gigi felt safe enough to come out. Other than her family, Jan was the only person who knew, and the only reason she’d told Jan in the first place was because she was about to have a mental breakdown. But, it was time. Gigi paused the playlist.

“Everything okay, Gigi?” Nicky questioned.

Gigi took a breath. “Yes, but there’s something I have to tell all of you.”

Jan locked eyes with Gigi, already knowing what she was going to say.

“What is it?” Jaida asked setting down her brush.

“I like girls.”

Jaida ran to Gigi to give her a hug. “We love you.”

Jan laughed. “Welcome to the club.”

As Gigi unpaused the music, she breathed a sigh of relief as she topped her nude lip with gloss.

“All done!” Jan announced as she brushed powder off of Jackie’s face.

Once Gigi saw Jackie, she exclaimed, “Oh, wow.”

Jackie was already an extremely beautiful girl, but Jan’s handiwork enhanced her features. Because she knew that Jackie wasn’t one for the extravagant, Jan stuck with neutrals that gave Jackie the most effortless no-makeup-makeup look. Gigi knew that Jan was a talented makeup artist, but the makeup she did on Jackie proved it, because it was the exact opposite of Jan’s colorful halo eye she did on herself.

“Holy shit! I look good.”

Jan rolled her eyes. “You always look good, baby.”

“Thank you,” Jackie said as she kissed Jan on the cheek.

“We must commemorate this momentous occasion,” Jaida said dramatically as she signaled everyone to come in for a group photo.

“You have to take it,” Nicky said. “You have the longest arms.”

Jaida rolled her eyes. “Always.”

Once there were a few photos they were all satisfied with Gigi looked at her phone. “If we need to make a liquor run, we should probably leave now.”

Everyone piled in to Gigi’s Jeep, the group was enthusiastically discussing the night ahead. On the way to the liquor store, Jaida, who was already twenty one, made a list of what she had to purchase.

“Y’all are gonna make me look like I have a drinking problem. You best be Venmo-ing me interest,” she teased.

“We don’t have interest in France, I don’t know what that is,” Nicky joked.

Jaida playfully hit her. “You’ve lived here for over ten years.”

 Nicky shushed her. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Jesus Christ, just kiss already,” Gigi teased as she pulled into the liquor store’s parking lot.

Once Jaida was inside the store, Jan spoke up. “What’s actually going on between you two?”

Nicky shrugged. “Just something for us to blow off some steam.”

Jackie hesitated. “Nicky, you realize that Jaida’s never had a girlfriend before.”

“Yeah, and?”

“She also falls really hard really quickly.”

Nicky exhaled. “She never told me that. She told me that she was good keeping it casual. She tried to bring it up a while ago, but I just thought… I feel terrible.”

“It’s not your fault, honey,” Jan said.

Before Nicky could respond, Jaida returned to the car.

“That was fast,” Gigi said.

“I’ve been to that store so many times, I know where everything is.”

Gigi had heard from other people that Brita had a large house, but she didn’t expect it to be quite so big. The driveway which was lined with cars spanned the length of most people’s front yards. The house looked to be three stories and was a modern build, which was a contrast to the other ranch-style houses in the area. The music could be heard from outside of the house, and Gigi mused about how Brita was lucky that she had no neighbors.

“Damn,” Gigi said as she shut her car door.

“Yeah,” Jaida began. “Brita’s parents are fucking loaded.”

“Clearly,” Jan said.

The inside of the house was just as grandiose as the outside. Gigi thought that it looked like the sample rooms inside of furniture stores. She didn’t realize that people’s houses actually could look like that. The living room was decorated with fairy lights and streamers, and in the corner were two gold balloons that said 21. The party was already abuzz, the entirety of the first floor was full of people, most of which Gigi didn’t recognize, and was almost certain Brita probably didn’t either.

Brita greeted them at the door, pulling them into a hug. Gigi could already smell the alcohol. “Hi, babes!”

“Happy birthday, bitch!” Jaida exclaimed handing Brita a fifth of Everclear.

Brita’s laugh was loud enough that it could be heard over the music. “You rotted bitch.”

“On our first season together, Brita drank way too much Everclear and got super hungover, and had to call out the next day,” Jaida explained. “You best be getting that drunk again tonight. If I see you at work tomorrow, I’m going to be pissed.“

“I have tomorrow off,” Brita said smugly.

“You’re going to need it,” Jan teased.

“Thanks! So over there we have a photobooth, beer pong in the dining room, the pool’s available if you want, too. Oh, and if you need a place to get down and dirty,” she looked at Nicky and Jaida. “Just don’t use my bedroom.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Jaida said, rolling her eyes.

As everyone was about to explore, Brita screeched, “Wait!”

“What?” Gigi asked.

“Let’s do a shot of this.” Brita raised the bottle of Everclear.

“Oh dear, God,” Jackie said making gagging noises.

“It’s my birthday, bitches!”

Since nobody could argue with that, they went in to the kitchen. In the attached dining room, an intense game of beer pong was going down with Widow and Heidi against Crystal and some boy Gigi vaguely recognized as being one of the team leads in games. Trying to stay casual, Gigi waved to Heidi and Widow who smiled in return. Thankfully, Crystal’s back was turned to Gigi, and by the time she turned, Gigi had her back turned to take the shot.

“I’m already too drunk to pour the shots,” Brita slurred.

Jaida rolled her eyes as she took the bottle and expertly poured shots.

“To Brita!” Gigi said raising her glass.

“To Brita!” Everyone repeated as they toasted, set the shot on the table, and took the shot.

Gigi thought she was good at taking shots. But, Gigi had also never had Everclear. Convinced that its reputation preceded it, she didn’t properly prepare herself. She thought she was just taking a shot of cheap vodka, not a shot of rubbing alcohol.

“Merde!” Nicky exclaimed.

Jackie set her glass down as she winced. “That was so bad, Nicky forgot how to speak English!”

Because she couldn’t get the taste of shitty vodka out of her mouth, the only thing Gigi could do was to drink something else. The Whiteclaw Jaida bought for her tasted like juice in comparison, so much so that Gigi drank it a lot faster than she should have.

As Gigi felt the alcohol hit, Jan said, “Let’s go take pictures.”

Most of the time, Gigi found photobooths to be tacky. They were a staple of boring weddings and basic-ass graduation parties. But, because she already had a nice buzz going, she gladly posed with oversized sunglasses. 

Everyone sat on a red leather couch as they began drinking. Jan and Jackie shared a bottle of rum that they chased with Diet Coke. Jaida was chasing her Jack with ginger ale. Nicky, on the other hand, was shooting whiskey like there was no tomorrow. Gigi felt lame that everyone else wad drinking liquor but her, but she didn’t care. She wanted to enjoy what she was drinking.

When a Madonna song began playing, the girls screeched and made their way to the dancefloor. Gigi had decent rhythm, but tonight, as far as she was concerned, she was killing it. As she dropped low, she almost fell, but kept her balance as she made her way back up. While she watched Jackie and Jan dancing closely and watched Nicky grind against Jaida, Gigi couldn’t help but feel like a fifth wheel. She remedied the situation by cracking open another Whiteclaw. 

“I need a break,” Nicky announced when the song ended.

Jan whispered something in Jackie’s ear before saying, “We’ll be back!”

“May I have this dance, Ms. Hall?” Gigi asked holding her hand out.

“Oh, bitch, you know it.”

After a few songs, Gigi announced, “I’ll be back!”

It was the time of the night that Gigi needed to break her seal. Unfortunately for her, there was a line for the bathroom. She dramatically jumped up and down until she made it to the bathroom. Once she finished, she was greeted by a sobbing Jaida.

“Jaida, what the fuck is wrong?” Gigi asked leading her into a bedroom upstairs.

“Nicky,” Jaida managed.

“What about Nicky?”

“I went to go find her to see if she wanted to dance or something, but then… I saw her… and I saw Brita. On the couch… making out.”

It was very clear that Jaida had too much to drink. For a while, Gigi was convinced that this year would break the streak of Jaida getting her heart broken. Even though Gigi wanted to give Jaida some tough love and tell her she and Nicky weren’t exclusive, she knew it wasn’t the time for that. Instead, she wrapped her in a hug.

“Hey,” Gigi said stroking Jaida’s hair. “It’s okay.”

“I knew that she didn’t want a relationship. Why does this hurt so much?”

“Because you like her, clearly a lot.”

“Why does this always happen?” Jaida wailed.

Gigi knew she wasn’t good at comforting people, but decided to try her best. “I don’t know. But Jaida, your makeup is far too pretty to cry it all off.”

Hoping that Jaida would find her comment funny, Gigi tried to laugh. This only made Jaida cry harder. Fuck. Gigi knew she wasn’t any good at any of this, but she knew who was. She needed to find Jan before Jaida lost her mind.

“I’ll be back,” Gigi said leaving a sobbing Jaida in the bedroom.

Gigi searched the entire first floor for Jan with no luck. Eventually, she ran into Jackie. 

“Gigi, what the hell is happening? Jaida’s apparently crying, Nicky left… What’s going on?” Jackie demanded.

“I guess Jaida found Brita and Nicky making out.”

Jackie groaned. “Of course Because why would she be able to make it a summer without getting her pretty little heart broken?”

When Jackie and Jan made their way back in the bedroom, Jaida was right where Gigi left her.

“Do you know where Jan is?” Gigi questioned as Jackie was hugging a very distraught Jaida.

“I think she’s outside.”

“If anyone knows how to handle this, it’s her,” Gigi said as she walked downstairs.  

Gigi realized just how drunk she was as she stumbled around trying to find Jan. Eventually, she found her comforting some random drunk girl. To Gigi’s horror, the random drunk girl ended up being Crystal. 

“Uh, I need you,” Gigi said awkwardly walking to Jan. 

Jan looked at Gigi and mouthed, “Help me,” as she broke away from Crystal. “What’s up, gorg?”

Crystal awkwardly stood next to Jan, swaying back and forth. Gigi couldn’t help but wonder how much Crystal had to drink.

“It’s Jaida.”

“Oh my God, I haven’t seen Jaida in ages,” Crystal slurred.

Jan shushed Crystal. “What’s wrong with her?”

“She found Nicky making out with Brita,” Gigi explained.

Jan groaned. “This is bad.”

“That’s really not good. Are they fighting?” Crystal tried as hard as possible to not slur her speech. “Fighting is bad.”

Rolling her eyes, Jan said, “Yes, honey. Fighting is bad. Really bad.“

Crystal stumbled toward Gigi. “Gigi, I’m really sorry we’re fighting.”

Gigi ignored her. “Jan, can you do that thing where you comfort people when they’re crying?”

“I can try,” Jan said.

“Gigi! Stop ignoring me. We’re fighting! And I don’t want us to!” Crystal pouted.

“Crystal, we can discuss this when you’re sober,” Gigi said firmly.

“I’m sober enough!” Crystal said jumping up and down. She then stopped and put one hand over her mouth and one on her stomach.

“Crystal. No!” Gigi screeched.

It was too late. Crystal lost all the alcohol she’d consumed. Jan reacted quickly enough to take a step back, but Gigi wasn’t that lucky. Gigi screamed as her favorite boots became covered in vomit.

"What the fuck?!” Gigi screamed. 

#rpdr fanfiction #gigi goode #crystal methyd #jackie cox #jan sport #jaida essence hall #nicky doll #crygi #jankie #jaida x nicky #lesbian au #slow burn #stupid for you #metaluna #submission #s12

[kindofcashton]

𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕕  •  chapter 17  (Calum Hood AU)

DESPITE THE STARTLING realization that I might in fact be in love with Calum, I didn’t act any differently.  I didn’t hover or cling to him like annoying, love-struck girls would.  In fact, I was almost more distant, using it as a safety precaution in case he caught on to my intensifying feelings.  One night I casually suggested we sleep apart, even though the thought pained me.  Calum’s reluctance was a comfort, but even still he ended up agreeing.  That was one of the longest nights of my life; I laid for hours just staring at the ceiling, wondering if Calum felt as empty as I did without a warm body laying next to mine.

Things at the house were also just better all around.  With Ashton and Hannah on good terms again, the group was tentatively back together.  I interrogated Hannah for answers on what had happened, if their relationship was slowly reforming.  She dodged most of my tougher questions, insisting that they’d put aside any bad blood for the sake of the group.  I didn’t entirely buy this; something definitely happened, but for whatever reason Hannah wasn’t ready to tell me.  I didn’t demand any more details, seeing as I was withholding plenty myself.  Hannah thought Calum and I were just fooling around, no strings attached.  While that was what was supposed to be going on, my feelings lately had confused things.  By no means was I going to tell a soul what I felt, but even keeping it inside still made the whole thing feel different.  I leaned deeper into Calum’s kisses, I held his gaze longer when he rocked inside of me.  My body was communicating all on its own, and I just hoped Calum didn’t catch on to these subtle changes.

After a particularly hot and passionate night together, I was frantic to go off to work.  Calum’s heady pants still echoed in my ears, the burn of his fingers still lingering on my skin.  As I sat on the edge of the bed lacing up my sneakers, I felt warm lips press into my neck, and goosebumps raised immediately where he kissed me.

“Back for more?” I joked, not looking over my shoulder.  I’d woken up before him to get ready, leaving him peacefully asleep, or so I thought.  He swiveled his body to sit next to mine on the bed, shoulder bumping my own.  Calum was clad only in black athletic shorts, his toned torso on teasing display.

His nose nestled into my neck, making my lashes flutter.  “I can be quick,” he whispered in a sultry tone, and I pushed him away with a snort.

“I think I’ll need more time to recover after what you did last night,” I reminded him, feeling the residual ache between my legs.  Calum left me the sore in the best way possible, and all day I would have a reminder of his body’s wicked tricks.

Calum smirked at me, flopping over onto the mattress with his hand over his abdomen.  He looked beautifully relaxed, jawline framed by the morning light, his eyes drowsy but content.  I’d never seen him so happy, and for a second I wondered if it was more than just the sex that made him feel this way.

“How long’s your shift?” he asked, eyes closing with a yawn.  I grabbed my bag off the floor and shouldered it with a sigh.

“Long,” I said simply, not looking forward to the strenuous hours ahead.  With community college tuition looming, I asked Mack for as many shifts as I could get, just in case I felt tight on money.  I’d rather have more than enough than barely enough, even if it meant working excruciating hours.  

Calum frowned.  “You’re working so much lately.”  There was an edge to his voice, like he disapproved.

I ran a hand through my hair in aggravation.  “What else am I supposed to do?  My life is getting back on track, and that means more bills to pay.”  I tried to stifle the resentment bubbling up inside me; Calum lounged around day in and day out, doing what he wanted when he wanted to.  Week after week he tore open the checks his mother sent, tossing them carelessly onto his desk.  Usually this didn’t come between us, but with my increased schedule I couldn’t help but feel bitter about his lazy routine.

Clearly a similar thought crossed his mind, and his frown deepened.  He didn’t say anything else, instead taking on a guarded expression.  He was so hard to read sometimes, and when I wanted him to open up he just shut down.  I had no idea how he felt about me going back to school; part of me thought he didn’t care, but another part wondered if he felt insecure that I was growing up and making a life for myself while he wasted time doing nothing important.  I wished he would tell me if he felt this way, but of course he never did.  We didn’t talk about anything that wasn’t surface level, which was fine when we were in our peaceful little bubble.

But I had to live in reality, which meant popping that bubble more frequently.  I couldn’t let Calum distract me from my more important goals, and he just had to learn to deal with my busy lifestyle.

As I was tying my hair into a messy ponytail, Calum suddenly asked, “When do you get off?”

“Seven,” I answered.  “It’s a ten-hour shift with only one lunch break.  I might drop dead from exhaustion.”  A second passed, and I chewed my lip as an idea popped into my head.  “Want to get dinner after I’m finished?”

For some reason this caused Calum to lean up, his posture stiff and his expression incredulous.  “What?”

My brows knit together, puzzled at his odd reaction.  “Dinner.  I’ll be starved after my shift, so I thought you could join me.”

His frown turned into a glare.  “Like a date?”  He sounded defensive and mocking, which didn’t help my already exacerbated mood.

“What, we can’t eat a meal together?  Is that against some hook-up rule or something?”  I couldn’t control the annoyance in my voice; why did Calum always have to complicate things?

“I don’t know, dinner just seems like a weird thing to do.”  I had no idea what he meant by ‘weird’, and his unreadable expression didn’t help me figure it out.

“Whatever, Calum,” I refuted.  “Forget I asked.”  I was already late for work and had to catch the bus, so I didn’t bother staying to bicker any longer.  Admittedly, it hurt that he was so against the idea of us spending time together outside of the bedroom.  I’d suggested dinner as more of a friendship thing than anything else; after all, there was a time when the two of us actually liked one another.

I didn’t realize Calum had followed me until I reached the front door, but his arm blocked me from opening it.  He’d thrown on a shirt and shoes, and his lips were pressed together in a thin line.

Fuming, I crossed my arms and demanded he move.  “I’m late for work, Calum.”

“No, you’re late for the bus,” he countered.  “So let me drive you, and that’ll solve the problem.”  For such a considerate offer, he didn’t sound too nice about it.  His scowl seemed permanently etched on as I followed him to his car.

We drove in silence for a few minutes, not even the sound of the radio to alleviate the tension.  Calum’s knuckles were white as he gripped the wheel, and I leaned as far away from him as possible.

Sensing my irritation, he asked, “Are you gonna be pissed at me for the whole day?”  He sounded accusing, which only made me more infuriated.

“No, Calum.  I’m not gonna waste that much time on you.”  Realizing how harsh the words sounded, I backtracked.  “I just thought we could eat some stupid grilled cheese sandwiches together and maybe do something different for a change.  God forbid I want to spend time with you.”

More silence, so I thought the conversation was over.  But then I glanced over and saw an odd look on his face, almost resembling guilt.

“So it’s not a date?” he reiterated, and I let out an enormous sigh.

“I literally just want to eat food, and not do it alone,” I insisted, so beyond done with this conversation.  But Calum seemed satisfied with my answer, and eased up his tight grip on the wheel.

“Okay, so I’ll pick you up.”  He met my eyes as he pulled into a parking spot near the cafe, stopping the car and filling the air with quiet.  I tried desperately to see the thoughts swirling behind his level brown gaze, but it was a hopeless task.  At least he wasn’t hostile anymore.  I sighed again, hoping my annoyance was well communicated so he knew not to pull this shit again.

“I’ll see you later,” I told him before closing the car door.  I stalked towards the coffee shop, grabbing the strap of my bag for support as I refused to look back.

Roger knew something was up the minute I started working.  I moved angrily as I made the coffees, sighing every so often and grimacing rather than smiling at the customers.  It would be a long day.

“Who pissed in your morning coffee?” he joked after a particularly bad exchange with a customer.  The guy had demanded I remake his cappuccino because it “didn’t taste right”, and when my polite apology wasn’t ass-kissing enough for him he accused me of being a miserable, lazy youth.  I seriously contemplated throwing the hot coffee in his face, but reminded myself I was working these stupid shifts for a reason.  My future.

“Just having a bad day, I guess,” I replied vaguely, but this didn’t satisfy Roger.

“Trouble in paradise, eh?  What’s he done now?”

I couldn’t help but smile at how Roger always jumped to my defense, always blaming Calum when things went wrong.  “I told him I was working late and suggested we get dinner, then he flipped out because he thought I meant it as a date.”

This intrigued Roger, who raised his eyebrows in pleasant surprise.  “Interesting.  He could be using reverse psychology.  I’ll bet he actually does want to go on a date, but wants you to think that he doesn’t.”  Roger tapped the side of his head.  “Smart cookie.”

I laughed, beginning to wipe down the counters after the first morning rush.  “I’m a psychology major and I still can’t figure out what goes in his mind,” I joked.  “I just thought it would be nice to do something together.  Other than what we always do.”  At my insinuation, Roger giggled like a schoolboy.

“Ah, yes, the sex has reached the boring stage, has it?”

I shook my head firmly.  “No, not at all.  It’s still great, just...”  I exhaled sharply, frustrated with the whole situation.  “I really thought it was just gonna be dinner, but then he had to make it weird.  And he was being weird about me working so much, too.  I don’t know what his problem is lately.”

Roger nodded along to my rant, considering the dilemma.  “Well, that’s obvious at least.  He feels left behind.”

I waved the rag excitedly.  “That’s what I thought!  I mean, he doesn’t have any idea what he’s doing, and I have every idea.  I thought maybe he was jealous or insecure, but he’d definitely rather die than tell me this.”

“He’s a guy like that.  We don’t like feeling inferior, and when we do we totally deal with it the wrong way,” Roger informed me.  “He doesn’t know how to process these complex emotions so he’s shutting them out.”

I smiled.  “You don’t need to tell me twice.  Classic defense mechanisms, disconnection from his feelings...”  I trailed off, suddenly feeling guilty.  I shouldn’t psychoanalyze Calum, not when I knew how much he hated that side of me.  But I couldn’t help it when he was being so difficult.

Resting my elbows on the counter, my smile faded into a worried frown.  “What do I do, Roger?  I thought we were in a good place, but lately it just doesn’t feel right anymore.”

“Don’t give up yet,” Roger suggested.  “Give it a little more time.  But if Calum doesn’t start making some changes, cut him loose.  You’ve got better things to deal with than his emotional immaturity.”  Despite the harsh criticism, I knew Roger was right.  Whatever I felt towards Calum didn’t matter if he was jeopardizing my future, and I couldn’t keep dealing with his detached feelings when it made me so exhausted.

For once I actually dreaded the end of my shift.  I had no idea what mood Calum would be in when he picked me up--or if he would even pick me up at all.  I wouldn’t put it past him to abandon me, especially if he wanted to avoid an uncomfortable conversation.  

I ended up cleaning the whole dining area twice, and even resorted to re-mopping the floor which was practically sparkling already.  Roger played along with this for as long as he could, but even his patience was wearing thin.

“We got off half an hour ago, Scarlett,” he criticized, snatching the mop out of my hand.  “I’m going blind from all the sparkly-clean surfaces inside this cafe.”

I sighed, placing my hands on my hips.  “I know, you’re right.  I just...when I’m nervous I like to fix things and be productive, so cleaning--”

“Yeah, yeah, your fatal flaw is that you care too much and you clean all the time.  I swear, you act like you’re the worst person alive when those are barely flaws.”  Roger’s tone was light, but I couldn’t help but look deeper into his joke.  Did Calum think that I didn’t believe I had any flaws?  Caring too much is barely even a character flaw, but that’s what he threw in my face constantly.  Maybe he thought I put myself on a pedestal above him, and that’s why he felt so insecure.

I decided I would try to be less condescending and more open when it came to Calum’s feelings.  I only hoped he would actually appreciate this effort, and maybe start making some positive changes of his own.

The sun was bleeding into the sky as it set below the horizon, casting a pale orange glow about the earth.  I glanced around outside the cafe, searching for that signature red mustang that always made my heart skip a beat.

Sure enough, it was parked right across the street, and Calum was leaning casually against it.  He looked good; typical black jeans and sneakers with a big red flannel over a band shirt.  My face broke into a surprise smile; I remembered wearing that shirt just a few nights ago.

When I approached, Calum’s brows raised disbelievingly.  “What’s with the face?” he questioned, referring to my dumb grin. 

I shrugged.  “I don’t know, I guess I wasn’t exactly sure if you’d show up.”  It was an honest answer, and I didn’t think lying or placating Calum would help either of us.

His lips twisted into a sardonic smirk.  “Of course I showed up; I would never miss our date.”  He said this with obvious bitter sarcasm, but the crinkles around his eyes softened the delivery.  I rolled my eyes, amused by his stubborn refusal to get over the whole “date” thing.

“I’m starved, where should we go?”  I’d eat just about anything right now, but a grilled cheese sounded particularly mouth-watering.

“Luke says there’s a new diner open by the music shop.  Says it’s more upscale than the truck-stop places we always go to.”

I nodded, pleased with the idea of trying out a new place with Calum.  This felt like something regular friends did, and although Calum and I were definitely out of the ordinary, I enjoyed it nonetheless.

The diner was fairly packed when we got there, but we managed to snag one of the last open booths.  There was no question about what we’d order; as soon as the waitress showed up, we asked for two grilled cheeses.

I sipped my coke and gazed out the window at the bustling city streets.  My muscles relaxed into the cushioned booth as the day’s stress lifted from my shoulders.  Work was taxing, as always, but worth it in the end.  

Neither of us minded the quiet, since we were so used to each other’s presence.  A few times I felt Calum’s knee brush mine under the table, and my lips twitched at this subtle motion.

“Why’d you get out so late?  Mack ask you to stay longer?”  Calum twirled his unopened plastic straw between his fingers, and for a second the movement mesmerized me as I thought about his skilled fingers.

“No, I just wanted to clean the place up.  I didn’t have to stay.”

Calum scoffed lightly, and I worried I said something wrong.  “Always so selfless,” he muttered, but I couldn’t detect if he was joking or not.  “Do you ever do anything wrong?”

The question was rhetorical, but I took the opportunity to open up a little and show Calum that I could be vulnerable.  “Yeah, all the time.  What do you think me lying to everyone was about?”

He frowned, unsatisfied by the answer.  “You lied out of loyalty to a friend, that’s hardly wrong.”

“Okay, then I leech off all of you by living rent-free.  I’m cheap, I’m a cheap-skate.”  I was grasping at straws, anything to show that I didn’t think I was some perfect angel.  And I didn’t.  I knew I was flawed and I hated that Calum thought I wasn’t; that would just set him up to be disappointed when he realized I wasn’t as amazing as he thought.

Calum just rolled his eyes at this attempt.  “You whine about feeling bad every day, that’s hardly being a leech.”

Sitting back with a defeated sigh, I demanded, “Well, what do you want me to say?  I’m showing you everything I do wrong and you’re denying all of it.”

“Because you don’t do anything wrong.  You’re so kind it makes my teeth hurt, and there’s never a doubt in anyone’s mind that you’re genuine.  You’re perfect, Scarlett.”  He said this matter-of-fact, like I was a little kid he was explaining something very simple to.

I ignored the way his final sentence made me feel.  You’re perfect, Scarlett.  Did he really see me that way?  Was I perfect to him?  Or perfect for him?  I hoped it was the latter, and bit my lip to hide my inner turmoil.  Calum danced along a very thin line all the time: the line between what we were now, and what I secretly wanted us to be.  What kind of friend-with-benefits says you’re perfect?  I tried to convince myself he didn’t mean it, that it was supposed to be mocking, but the sincerity in his eyes was telling me otherwise.

Thankfully, the waitress interrupted us with food and gave us both an excuse to change the subject.  As soon as she left, Calum and I collectively cringed; the sandwiches were cut down the middle.

Calum exhaled gravely, shaking his head.  “Gonna have to tell Luke this place isn’t so great after all.  I mean, they really fucked up here.”

I laughed, pretending to push my plate away.  “Get that waitress back here, we’ll set her straight.”  As we both joked over the grilled cheese, any intensity or confusion from before was banished.  The meal was quickly over, and I won the argument for which of us would pay for the food.  While we got up to leave, Calum grumbled about having to take me out again so that he could pay and make us even.

When he said this, I had to hide my blushing smile.

The night wasn’t too cold, and we decided to walk for a little bit before driving home.  Our hands swayed close to one another’s, and I willed Calum to twine his fingers with my own.  But the backs of our palms grazed a few times, and he made no move to change this.

As we passed by a familiar building, I pointed it out to Calum.  “That’s one of the places Hannah and I looked at.  The apartment is actually pretty nice, but there’s god-awful green bathroom tile that makes me nauseous just looking at it.”

Calum smiled vaguely, his expression distant.  “You can’t live there, the location is awful.”

I knitted my brows together.  “It’s right by the coffee shop.”

He shook his head.  “Yeah, but way too far from the house.  We’re never gonna see you guys if you live there.”

I chuckled, looking down at the pavement as we walked.  “I think you just don’t want me to move out,” I concluded.

Calum’s smile tightened.  “Yeah, who else would constantly wear the shirts that are supposed to be mine?”

My shoulder nudged him jokingly as I teased, “Admit it, you love seeing me in your tee shirts.”

He paused in walking, and my grin faded.  Had I been too serious?  Was using the word love a mistake?  Panic welled up in my chest, and I feared I ruined an otherwise perfect evening.

And then all of a sudden his phone began to ring, and I let out a breath I hadn’t even realized I’d been holding.  Saved by the bell, I thought, wondering what would have happened if we weren’t interrupted.

Calum fished through his pocket for his phone, pulling it out and glancing at the screen.  His expression immediately darkened, and my stomach sank upon seeing this.

“Who is it?”  It was a stupid question, because I knew he wouldn’t answer.  Calum squared his shoulders and started walking, leaving me to hurriedly catch up to him.

“No one,” he snapped when I reached him, anticipating my badgering questions.  “Drop it, okay?”

I opened my mouth to protest, but then remembered the promise I’d made to myself earlier.  Don’t be condescending.  So I kept my mouth shut, and instead focused on keeping up with Calum’s long strides.

He glanced at me a few times, surprised I wasn’t trying to get answers out of him.  Once I met his eyes, and saw the deep thought hiding behind his brown orbs.  I wished he’d let me in on what he was thinking, but I settled with not knowing.  

A minute passed, and then his phone chimed, indicating the caller had left a voicemail.  We both tensed, but I didn’t expect him to listen to it.

So I was surprised when he whipped his phone out and brought it to his ear, stopping again to listen to the message.  I stood a few feet from him, keeping enough distance that I couldn’t eavesdrop on the call, even though I was dying to know who it was.

I watched Calum’s face as he listened, taking in the subtle narrowing of his eyes, the lowering of his brow in shock.  His lips parted, and all I wanted to do was kiss away the storm brewing behind his eyes.

The voicemail ended, and Calum shoved his phone back in his pocket.  But this time when he tried to continue walking, I stopped him, stepping in front of his chest and placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Calum,” I started gently, lifting my eyes to his.  He avoided my quizzical stare, breathing hard.  “What is it?  What’s wrong?  You can tell me.”

He pushed a hand roughly through his hair, glaring everywhere but at me.  “It’s nothing, Scarlett.  Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m not,” I defended.  “But maybe you should since whoever it is makes you feel this angry.”

Finally he turned his angry eyes on me, and I inhaled sharply at the fury I saw there.  “Fine, it was my mother who called.  Satisfied?”  He pushed me aside in order to storm off, and I was too stunned to move for a moment.

But then I jogged to catch up, breathless and confused.  “Your mother?  What did she want?  I thought she only reaches out through the checks.”

Calum looked ready to boil over.  “She does, but apparently she felt the need to call me.”  He appeared to be fighting over his next words, before finally stating, “She wants me to come home for a visit.”

I took a minute to let this information sink in.  Instinctively I was thrilled; his mother reaching out was a promising sign that their fractured relationship could be healed.  But then I considered the ramifications of her request.  She wouldn’t just ask out of the blue if something else wasn’t going on.  And she had to know that Calum wasn’t exactly warm and fuzzy when it came to family stuff, so why not go about it delicately, not so sudden and shocking?

I tried in vain to read Calum’s expression, finding nothing but frustration and anger.  It pained me to see him so tense, but I didn’t just want to coddle him, I wanted to help him.

“Why not go?” I proposed softly, trying not to set him off.  “It might be good to see her.”

Calum snickered at this, and I winced.  “You’re shitting me, right?”  He sounded harsh and mocking, and I struggled to hold my ground.

“I know you’re confused and hurting,” I said firmly.  “But you don’t have to take it out on me.  I just want to help you.”

“Of course you do, because I’m your favorite little charity case,” he retaliated.  “Give it a rest, Scarlett.  I don’t need you smothering me.”

Fuming, I folded my arms and didn’t shy away from his steely gaze.  “No, Calum.  You can be an asshole and you can bitch about whatever you want, but don’t you dare take it out on me.  I’m just suggesting you patch up your relationship with your mother, or at least give it a try--”

“What makes you think you know what’s best for me?” he snarled.  “You don’t know me, you have no right to tell me what to do.  We’re not even friends, so why do you care?”

I huffed in disbelief, pressing a hand to my forehead.  “Why do I care?  Maybe because I’m not an emotionless husk who has no idea how to express his feelings!  We’re sleeping together for God’s sake--”

“And that makes us what, a couple?  You think you’re my girlfriend?  We’re not even friends, Scarlett.”  

Each word cut me like a knife, voicing the exact anxieties that had been eating away at me for weeks.  “I know we’re not, which is why I wanted to go to dinner and spend some freaking time together!”  I was embarrassed at how high my voice had gotten, how pathetic I sounded when I was trying to defend myself.

Calum chuckled darkly.  “I don’t want to be friends with you.  You always do this, you always force your way into other people’s problems because you think it involves you when it doesn’t.”  His hard eyes met mine.  “You’re nothing more than a good lay, and I can get that anywhere.”

I tried to remember how to breathe as I watched his figure get smaller and smaller, walking farther and farther away from me.  Each step he took was a stab to my heart, until he was out of view and I was left bleeding alone in the street.

#5sos #5sos fanfic #5sos imagine #5sos smut #5 seconds of summer #calum 5sos #calum hood #calum hood imagine #calum hood fanfiction #calum hood smut #Calm #masterlist #ashton irwin #ashton irwin imagine #ashton irwin fanfiction #ashton irwin smut #michael clifford #michael clifford imagine #michael clifford fanfiction #michael clifford smut #luke hemmings #luke hemmings fanfiction #luke hemming imagines #luke hemmings smut #Youngblood #SOUNDS GOOD FEELS GOOD

[queerhannibal]

if hannibal and will’s roles were reversed in digestivo, do you think will would have saved hannibal?

Oh now this is a QUESTION thank you holy shit

My gut response is “no, but he would have regretted it every day for the rest of his life”

But honestly… I don’t think he would have just left Cordell and Mason alive and free and unhindered lol like At That Point something had to be done about them or they were gonna kill not only Hannibal but also the girls for helping Will escape and yk. They were already out there being the worst human being alive. He already wanted them dead. So I think that overall Will would end up going on a similar killing spree to what Hannibal did? He probably would make more effort to sneak rather than just butchering EVERYONE but. He would kill or at least severely maim a lot of people, including Mason and Cordell

So yk that would “save” Hannibal since presumably that would happen along the same sort of timeline and Hannibal would still be alive. Part of me can easily picture Will just fucking leaving him on the operating table with everything still hooked up to him and being like “if he can’t move in time to get away that’s too bad but also I just Want Rest”

On the other hand I mean he is. Wildly in love with the bastard. And the situation they’ve just been through has been absolutely horrible and he’s tired but he also can’t bear the sight of Hannibal so vulnerable so he definitely at least unhooks and unbinds him.

Idk that Will is anything like strong enough to carry Hannibal though and idk that Will would be committed enough to Saving Hannibal to try to get him out of there by some other means? I mean sure there are other means available to him but?? He’s so tired and Hannibal recently tried to saw his head open. He just leaves him and distantly hopes Hannibal will be gone by the time the cops get here.

Chiyoh of course still shows up and she sure as fuck doesn’t help Will: she finds Hannibal paralyzed in the makeshift operating room and takes him away somewhere to heal. After that? Small ficlet under the cut or on ao3

Will expects that Hannibal will go back on the run, and leave him a new trail of bloody breadcrumbs to follow. He doesn’t intend to look for them.

He doesn’t expect the knock on his door a few days later—even if Hannibal did stay in the area, the idea of him being that direct would never have occurred to Will. But there he is, still battered and bruised. He looks almost worse than the last time Will saw him, like he hasn’t slept. Like he walked there from miles away. 

There’s a moment where Will considers shutting the door in his face. It really would only be fair. But he finds himself stepping back, opening it further to let Hannibal in and then shutting it behind him. The dogs are back home, and they cluster around, sniffing at the newcomer before Will orders them back to their beds with a sharp sound and a gesture. 

He stares at Hannibal. Hannibal’s eyes are roving over his face like he’s trying to memorize it again. Neither of them has said anything. Eventually Hannibal sways on his feet, and Will catches his shoulder, not caring if it was probably an act. Hannibal all but falls forward into him, clutching at Will like his life depends on it. 

Will wouldn’t have been surprised to feel the sharp stab of a knife, but there isn’t one. Just Hannibal wrapped as tightly around him as he can get, face buried in Will’s neck. Will’s arms come up around him as more a reflex than a conscious decision, and he feels wetness on his neck as Hannibal’s body shudders with a sob

It’s been a hell of a week, in as literal a sense as that phrase has ever been meant, and Will has been one good hug away from a breakdown himself since he saw Hannibal in front of the Botticelli. Maybe since he woke up in the hospital and Abigail was dead and Hannibal was gone. He’s not surprised when his own breath shakes and tears well in his own eyes. He leans into Hannibal and holds him tighter until they’ve cried themselves out, and then a little longer than that, and then he pulls Hannibal over to sit on the edge of the bed with him, shoulders touching, bracing each other.

“They’re watching my house,” he says.

“There is one man watching the driveway in a van,” Hannibal says, voice a little deeper and rougher than Will is used to. “Jack didn’t believe I would come to see you directly. Your ‘guard’ will believe he fell asleep at his post when he wakes in a few hours, and will tell no one for fear of losing his job.”

“You didn’t kill him?”

“I had hope that you would not inform Jack that I had been here. Killing him would have been difficult to explain.”

Will lets out a breath through his nose. “Why are you here?”

Hannibal’s face goes tight, and his lip trembles. “I couldn’t leave you again, Will. I—”

“Don’t,” Will says. He takes a deep breath, and it shakes more than he’d like it to. “Not right now.”

“Will I have another chance?” Hannibal counters. 

Will looks down at his hands, twisted together in his lap. He sees Hannibal’s in his peripheral vision, shifting aimlessly on his thighs. “I don’t know.”

Hannibal sighs, and it sounds shaky too. “I don’t want to leave you.”

“I don’t want you to go,” Will says, before he can stop himself. He bites his lip, hard. “I’m so tired of all of this. I’m so tired.” He shakes his head a little. “I’ve missed you so much I thought I might die of it, but I can’t keep doing this.”

Hannibal’s hand twitches toward him before settling on his own thigh, squeezing so hard his knuckles go white. “I thought I was going to die,” he says slowly. “And the only thing that made me afraid was the thought that you were going to die too, and there was nothing I could do about it. That I was helpless to save you is what caused me alarm.”

You tried to kill me yourself the day before, Will thinks. He doesn’t say it. They both know it’s true, and it doesn’t change the fact that Hannibal is being honest.  Both truths hang between them, incompatible and not incompatible at all. Will reaches over and covers Hannibal’s hand with his own, carefully prying his fingers out of their grip on his thigh. Hannibal turns his hand over and grasps Will’s fingers just as tightly. 

“You can’t stay here,” Will says finally. “If that young man is honest, he’ll call Jack and they’ll search for you. He doesn’t entirely trust me where you’re concerned.”

“Should he?”

Will’s lip quirks up just a little. “Probably not.”

“You’re right that I can’t stay. Which means the time has come for you to decide what it is that you want.” Hannibal’s gaze burns into the side of Will’s head.

“What can I have? What are my options?” Will finally looks back up at him. “I want to come with you. I wanted it then. But I can’t do that if it’s just going to be like this.”

It’s Hannibal’s turn to look down at their hands. “Can I ask you to clarify what aspect of ‘this’ it is that you cannot tolerate?”

“I can’t live in fear of you gutting me and sawing my head open,” Will says bitterly. “If we’re going to do this we can’t keep hurting each other like this.” His voice softens. “I am so tired, Hannibal. I can’t keep fighting you.”

“Alright,” Hannibal says, stroking his thumb across the back of Will’s hand. “That is not as difficult a request as you seem to imagine, Will. I want you alive and well and with me. I know that now with certainty.”

Will laughs a little, to keep himself from crying again. “Wish you’d figured it out before.”

He’s not sure what he expected, but it wasn’t Hannibal’s quiet, “Me too.”

There’s nothing to say to that. They sit in silence for another little while, Hannibal’s thumb rubbing gentle circles into Will’s skin, until Will sighs again and says, “Let’s go.”

#hannibal #hannigram #will graham #hannibal lecter #hannibal nbc #asks #anon asks #3x07 Digestivo #my writing #headcanons #meta #sorry ajhsfgkdsjh this got away from me #maybe someday I'll actually write the whole thing #it's a v interesting concept #oh my god that's over a thousand words fksjgedha I'm gonna post it on ao3