writingtoforgetreality
writingtoforgetreality
fanfics to forget reality
*relates to baron helmut zemo from tfatws so much when you engage me i'm just gonna extort you & do that stupid head tilt thing*a COFFEE would be highly appreciated
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writingtoforgetreality · 3 hours ago
Hi! Hope you are having a lovely day! I was wondering if you could do a concept where Zemo has to marry again (pretending that he didn't go to prison ) and if you could make the reader British so I can subtly live through it. Thank you!! :)
[Oh my-, I absolutely love the idea of Zemo finding love again & going as far as tying the knot! Hope your day is going great, too! <3] | Headcanons for Zemo & others are open!
Zemo Marrying A British!Reader Headcanons
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[no pronouns used]
First of all, the moment his eyes fell to your figure, he knew you would somehow change his life, though he was not quite sure how.
You were absolutely gorgeous & while he was not a man to care too much about looks, simply because personality was the most important trait for him, you made his body act out in the best way possible. One look & he was utterly smitten.
But it seemed like you had some tricks up your sleeves. Your first conversation had him falling head over heels. You talked about everything & nothing in particular. Small talk.
BUT YOUR ACCENT!
It was no secret that he was a sucker for the way you pronounced words with such casualty because you were not even aware that your voice could have that effect on someone else.
When you two talked, it was the sweetest mix of accents that was so different & yet blended together seamlessly.
While it was not the only reason for you guys to end up dating (Zemo could have written a list with thousands of reason, honestly. For example your shared love for tea.) it was definitely a part of why you were so interesting to him.
Dating, for once, was alright but when he found himself craving to show you how truly in love he was with you, he came across a border he had set for himself.
Marriage. After his family died, he promised himself to never marry again. It was some sort of loyalty to his wife & his son.
Then you waltzed into his life & the urge to break his promise became harder to resist each & every day. Because you smiled at him like he was the only one in this universe. You cared for him with such gentleness, it made him doubt if he even deserved it. You.
It was worth taking a risk & he finally found enough courage to ask you.
You watched his innocent, almost shy eyes as he was down on one knee, showcasing the most beautiful ring you had ever seen.
You said yes. Of course you did. Anything else would not have made sense.
The wedding took place in your hometown. It was Zemo’s idea. Because maybe he kind of fell in love with British accents? With yours in the first place, if you were entirely honest.
It was just the two of you, a small ceremony. Just like you had always dreamed.
During your vows, Zemo was completely vulnerable in front of you. Opening up about his fears of taking that step again but finding the needed courage inside of your big heart you offered to him. He ended his speech with a bit more humor, just like you expected him to.
“I must say, my love, your accent was a curse I could not resist.”
 ---
MY Ko-fi PAGE | Marvel-Masterlist
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writingtoforgetreality · 8 hours ago
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SURPRISE!
Two of my miniseries will continue with an actual schedule!
"Gold Rush" (Sebastian Stan x Reader): two parts are out already & three more are planned/written. Part three will be posted on Saturday & the last two each on the following Saturdays. [tags are open]
"Stockholm Syndrome" (Helmut Zemo x Reader): the second part will be posted this Sunday & the last one the following week. Be aware that this series will have an 18+ rating! [tags are open]
As always: all works will be crossposted on my AO3 so if you don't wanna miss anything, make sure to follow me there :)
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writingtoforgetreality · 15 hours ago
Hi, really loving your work! Especially for Zemo so I jumped at the chance for a request. Please could you do a concept of a prison guard who has fallen for him?
[That would be me, by the way. I would so fall for Inmate!Zemo…Thanks for your support *mwah*. There you go.] | Headcanons for Zemo & others are open!
 Prison Guard Falling For Zemo Headcanons
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[no pronouns used]
The moment you first introduced yourself to Zemo, he was already gone for. There was a softness behind your eyes that somehow told him that you were one of the good ones. 
So obviously, he took advantage of that. Started small talks, opened up to you, …
His original intention was to wrap you around his fingers so maybe, MAYBE, his escape plan would become reality.
But things never worked out the way they were planned. And you found yourself drawn to the inmate. Your only job was to bring him food, three times a day. That was it.
And yet, after some time, you smuggled books inside his cell. He loved talking about them & you thought if you brought him some of your favorites, it gave you another topic to talk about.
Mostly, by the next time you were visiting him (because what else could someone do inside a small cell), he had already read through one & began discussing his opinions, the characters & how his views differed from the ones inside the pages.
That was the switch that changed his ulterior motives. Zemo enjoyed your company & even though you were not allowed to, you lingered around a little longer each time you brought him food.
Hence why he abandoned his previous plan. The one where you would assist him to break out.
He was quite fond of you & would not risk anything. Besides, he could tell that you were in this just as much as he was.
Not even once did the topic of escaping come up. Not a single time. And yet, it was always the elephant in the room nobody dared to address.
So it was not Zemo forcing you into anything. It was solely your decision to hide a small paper on his tray when you brought him breakfast.
You knew you had to be fast, time was calculated precisely, you simply hoped he would find the map soon enough.
He did. While he was confused at first, he noticed your handwriting at the bottom of the page & something inside of him clicked. You wanted to help him. Not because he coaxed you but because you had started falling for him.
You had everything prepared for him. The only thing left for him to do was run through the hallways, make it out of there & find you so you could start a new life together. Your relationship (or whatever it was at that point) had yet to be labeled but both of you knew that you wanted, needed, to be together.
---
 MY Ko-fi PAGE | Marvel-Masterlist
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Louisiana Fever (Bucky Barnes x GN!Reader)
Request: Hi! Since your ask are open could I have a imagine with bucky where him and his boyfriend (if you’re uncomfortable with male reader could you make it gender neutral pls?) are at the Wilson’s party and they talk about moving here and maybe getting a dog? Something really sweet and fluffy please? I’m having a hard time and need a bit of softness! Thanks you! (by @pastel-boy-sungjae), [Marvel-Masterlist]
Summary: A forever changing decision was made between Bucky & you. Whatever the future held for you, you could not wait to finally start somewhere new.
Words: 1,876 [Are you proud of me?]
Warnings: language, humor, fluff, short & sweet, no pronouns used, TFATWS spoilers, REQUESTS ARE OPEN!
If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤
Louisiana. Home of the Wilson family. A pier alongside the turquoise sea which created comforting tunes to soothe your ears. The slight breeze that tickled your skin in the most pleasurable way possible. A peaceful place to stay & feel safe, no matter the alarming threats menacing this universe daily. Here, it appeared to be as calm as ever. Like a bubble enveloping the area here, along with its people. A dome to prevent jeopardy from taking over.
The party was hosted by Sam, assisted by his younger sister Sarah. They invited Bucky & in addition to that, he invited you. You were his partner & if he attended a get-together then he only ever did with you right by his side. At first, you disliked the idea of inserting yourself where you believed you were not wanted. Luckily, your boyfriend had some reassuring pep talks up his sleeve that convinced you to tag along.
A flight was booked & before you even knew it, Sam hugged you close to his body as he greeted you. Bucky had informed him that you would come along. To his best friend, that was a given. There was no Bucky without you & no you without Bucky. Hence why he did not explicitly say that he obviously invited you as well.
It was the first time you were introduced to Sam’s family & his friends living nearby. The locals were more than welcoming & helpful even though you were complete strangers. Plainly stated, you fell in love with this place. The atmosphere was incomparable, like nothing you had ever encountered. This new, unfamiliar feeling washed through your body & there was only one word that could come close to describing it. Home. Not Bucky’s apartment where you had moved into a while ago. This strange yet somehow well-known place triggered emotions in you that you thought did not exist. You wondered if Bucky reacted in a similar way as you walked down the pier, hands intertwined, gazing out to the endless blue horizon. Where one hue kissed the other in an almost seamless way. Connecting yet separating sea from sky. A stunning sight that caught your plenary attention. You imagined yourself spending hours, simply watching the sun rise during the chill hours of the morning & set during the warm hours of the evening. The light not only coloring the sky in reds & purples but that same tone reflecting in the waves of the water which were caused by the wind.
“Hey, lovebirds! A little help here!” a familiar voice echoed in your ears & you found yourself turning around as you searched for the source of it.
“We’ll be right there, Sam.” you yelled over the distance so he could hear you clearly.
“He does have awful timing.” Bucky joked, wrapping an arm over your shoulders. You giggled & silently agreed with him though both of you were aware that you did not mind one bit.
Preparations were almost done, you simply assisted with the last finishing touches. They really went out of their way to create a homely aura for everyone to enjoy. Bucky & you occupied one of the many wooden tables, sitting next to Sam, Sarah & her kids. You guys had so much fun & could barely contain your laughter. Those people were not just friends. They were family. Blood related or not, the feeling they gave you counted at the end of the day.
The barbeque was delicious, as were the many options of desserts. One of them which you brought along. Bucky whined about a cake & who were you to deny him something you loved too? And by the fast pace it was gone, you assumed the others relished it just as much.
Food was long forgotten but the chatter kept the party alive. In the lifestyle you found yourself in, it was a rare sight to be surrounded by so much happiness & contentment. Usually, people radiated desperation & fear. Here, it was as if nothing bad existed. Only the smiles & sparkles in people’s eyes as they talked about something they were passionate about or the most random topic that came to mind. It did not matter. Acceptance was capitalized & it was a gift to experience it. With your boyfriend, with your best friend. With soon-to-be friends, you hoped.
“…so they aren’t here today ‘cause they’re currently movin’ out.” Sam pointed to the house that sat right next to his. Your eyes widened a little at this statement.
“It’s up for sale then?” you questioned, referring to the cottage that definitely needed some hours of dedicated work but appeared to be worth it underneath its surface.
“Yeah, it is. Still looking for a new owner.” Sam nodded. A smirk spread onto your face & you nudged Bucky with your elbow to gain his attention. With raised eyebrows, he turned his head so your eyes were locking.
“Okay. What’s going on in that head of yours?” Bucky chuckled as he noticed the enthusiastic look you wore. Sam observed your interaction but decided to stay silent for the time being.
“We could buy it, right?” you suggested, rambling so your words blurred together & it was hard to make out what you said.
“The house?” it took him a couple of seconds before he answered your question with another one. Simply because he was uncertain if you were joking or if you were serious.
“No, a trip to Disneyland. Of course the house.” you replied with a slight sarcastic tone.
“You wanna move here?” Bucky asked once again to ensure that he understood correctly.
“Don’t you? I mean, it’s perfect for us, Buck. The people here are lovely & we’ve got Sam here.” you pointed out, trying to list as many positive aspects as necessary to convince him.
“Wait, wait, wait.” Sam chimed in & you directed your attention to him. “Does that mean robot-boy will be my neighbor?” he pointed his finger at Bucky with fake disgust that had you laughing.
“That would annoy you, wouldn’t it?” Bucky inquired with a sly smile.
“Totally.” Sam countered, now completely ignoring that it was your idea in the first place. The two of them were bickering like children & it was a useless attempt to stop them.
“Perfect, we’ll buy it then.” your boyfriend’s statement had you shocked but equally excited.
“Really?” you could not help but ask.
“Really.” Bucky assured you & placed a short kiss on your lips.
“Why did I even say anything?” Sam shook his head, mumbling those words so nobody heard. Deep down, he had to admit that the could imagine it to be pleasant to have you two with him at all times. Though he would never say that out loud.
“We’re gonna move to Louisiana.” you exclaimed, throwing your arms around Bucky’s neck to hug him tightly. Your future could finally begin here. Something told you that it was the right decision. Sam only had to pull some strings & the deal was almost as good as yours.
A few hours ticked by, the sun had already started setting & Bucky suggested to watch the remaining minutes down by the dock. Your back rested against his chest, his arms securely wrapped around your waist as you sat in between Bucky’s legs. Savoring the last sunbeams that shone into your face & had you squint your eyes in order not to blind you. A comfortable silence settled around you. The sound of the sea the only discernible noise amongst the calm of the evening. But every quiet had to end eventually. And it was you who broke it, voicing a thought that had been playing in the back of your mind ever since you agreed on moving here.
“Hey, what about a dog?” your question caught him off guard & he barely had time to prepare a reply.
“Huh?” was all he could muster & you giggled at his perplexity.
“A dog. When we move here. Don’t you think this is a perfect place for a dog?” you turned in his arms so you could hold eye contact.
“We’ve already got Sam.” Bucky scoffed & you rolled your eyes annoyingly at him.
“I’m being serious, Buck.” & you truly were. Ever since you could remember, you promised yourself that you would adopt a dog if the chance was given. With a house this size, it would be a waste to not fulfill your dream. You watched Bucky sigh but the glint in his eyes showed you that he contemplated your thought.
“We’re not getting a Chihuahua.” he made clear before you got even crazier ideas.
“What’s wrong with a Chihuahua?” your dumbfounded expression had him laughing.
“They’re outta the question.” he stated & left no room to argue.
“Fine.” you breathed out with an exaggerated sigh. “A Corgi?”
“Why?” you did not understand why you had to reason with him but you had to think fast to provide a reasonable explanation.
“Because they’re cute.” maybe not the smartest of replies but if you worked your pleading expression then you should win.
“You say that about every single dog. That’s not a valuable point.” Bucky called you out & earned a pout from you.
“But it’s very much true.” a short pause allowed you to gather your thoughts once more. “Besides, they remind me of you.”
“Do I even wanna know?” Bucky breathed out & threw his head back to visualize how done he was with you in this moment. You, of course, were aware that it was only him teasing you.
“No, but that was, in fact, a very valuable point & speaks for getting a Corgi.” a proud smirk made its way onto your face.
“You’re lucky I love you.” his ocean blue eyes flickered between yours. You moved forward & pressed a tender kiss on his cheek. “But I’m the one choosing the name.” he decided.
“No way.” you shook your head frantically. “We’ll end up with a dog called Dog then.” you almost whined.
“You can’t stop me from giving it a nickname.” he reasoned with that famous smirk of his & you groaned because you knew he was right.
“I don’t like it.” you mumbled after a few moments.
“Alright, no dog then.” Bucky shrugged his shoulders & pretended that it did not matter anyway. But it did. And he really did like the idea of getting a dog.
“NO WAIT!” you were quick to raise your voice & stop him from turning down your plan. “Ugh, can’t we just…I don’t know, pick a cute name together?” you offered him your best puppy dog eyes because he had a hard time resisting you whenever you played that card.
“We could.” Bucky agreed but kept his response short. He waited for you to ascertain what he meant.
“But?” your voice went an octave higher at the end.
“But I’ll still call it Dog. It’s a great nickname.” Bucky praised himself.
“It’s foolish.” you commented & crossed your arms over your chest.
“Do we have a deal or not?” his head tilted to one side, waiting to watch your reaction.
“What do you think?” your eyebrows perked up. “Of course we do!”
Published (05/10/2021) by Cathy
✨MY Ko-fi PAGE✨
Tags: @bibliophilewednesday, @msmarvelsmain, @weareironmanbitches,@zestyemby, @kattenjager1, @cheraboo330 (thanks for your support <3)
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Guarding Your Heart (Helmut Zemo x Reader)
Request: THE ENDING WAS PURRRRRFECT i'm gonna miss tfatws sm. I don't know if on the raft they allow inmates to be visited but let's imagine it: you visiting zemo for the first time since he was sent there, a little angst cuz you can't have skin-to-skin contact anymore but you two talk about some things and how life is going, if everything is okay 🥺🥺🥺 (by anonymous), [Marvel-Masterlist]
Summary: Inmate: Helmut Zemo. Accommodation: The Raft. Visitors: Generally prohibited. Exceptions: Maintaining a friendly relationship with an Avenger.
Words: 3,547
Warnings: angst, jail (is that a warning?), fluff, feels, my emotions, I didn’t use any pronouns!, TFATWS spoilers, REQUESTS ARE OPEN!
If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤
Countless attempts from your side had been ignored. You were an average citizen. No superpower, no higher-up. Ordinary. It appeared that the Raft did not think highly of such people. Not when they proposed to visit an inmate. And definitely not when said inmate was the same Baron who broke out of a high security jail in Germany. But he was yours. His imprisonment in Europe had not been as restricted. For his sake, you had moved to the other end of the world. Simply so you could spend a bit of time together every day. Your old life had been completely abandoned. And for almost ten years, Germany had been your home. Until Sam & Bucky entered your lives once again. Though you started off on the wrong foot, this time around, you were more than grateful for their presence. Without them, especially without the former Winter Soldier, Helmut would still rot away in that tiny prison cell. Your time together had been adventurous. Often hazardous. Life threatening. In the end, you made it out alive. Coming back stronger than ever before.
It could have been a fairy tale. A long awaited fulfillment of a seemingly impossible dream. Were it not for the Wakandans crushing your reverie at the worst place imaginable. The Sokovian memorial. Where you held one of his clothed hands in both of yours. Shedding tears, remembering his old life. His wife. His son. You would never replace them. At the same time, you did not even intend to. His past was part of him & made him to the man you loved endlessly. Bucky did not receive your blame. Were you mad at him for handing Helmut over to the Wakandans? Absolutely. Then again, the super soldier was the reason why he was out of jail in the first place. It was a fine line between resentment & gratitude.
Luckily, throughout the various missions you had been a part of, you gained Sam’s trust. He took a liking in you & when he saw you struggling, he was eager to help. Obviously, the Raft yielded when the Captain America himself transmitted an inquiry. Only a few hours passed & you were on your way to Helmut’s current accommodation. A small jet that had been arranged just for you. In this instant, you did not feel average anymore. For a second, you experienced what it would feel like to live this kind of lifestyle. The one of a Baron. Why you were still unfamiliar with that even though your boyfriend was rich? Truthfully, you did not touch his money at all. It was his & when he did not have access to it while imprisoned, you did not dare using it either. Loyalty. Of course Zemo suggested utilization for you but you declined politely. After reasoning enough, he swore he fell even harder for you. The staunchness of you was remarkable.
It was bizarre. Entering the Raft with multiple workers circling you. You were told that these were the security measures that had to be met if someone wanted to visit an inmate. To you, it sounded like a poor excuse but you would not speak that thought out loud. Prisoners needed social contact. Physical contact could not be provided, that much you understood. But one would go insane without having the opportunity to see another human being that was not a guard working here.
Your body was a mess. Heart hammering at your chest with such a force, you believed it would burst any second. Irregular breaths left your lips. Trembling hands fiddled with each other in order to prevent others from noticing. Weak knees that threatened to no longer stabilize your body weight with each step you took forward. To bystanders, you probably appeared as a put-together person. On the inside, there was chaos. Nothing but chaos. How would you react? How would he react? Would you have privacy? An audience? Observers? Innumerable questions flooded your mind. Seemingly, having only one purpose. To drown you. To drown every bit of you. But you would not succumb that easily. You were so close to where you wanted to be. The fight could not end now. Disappointment would cloud you. More importantly, it would cloud him.
Four guards. It took four guards to guide you through the facility. To your surprise, the insides radiated a calm, almost content atmosphere. The walk lasted an eternity. At least, that was what it felt like. Your Helmut occupied a cell at the very end of the building. No explanation had been given to you as to why they decided to accommodate him there. Maybe, with Sam’s assistance, you could change his quarters & move it further up to the entrance. That way, if you visited again, you would not have to waltz through every narrow hallway. Listening to the whimpers of some inmates. The screams. The bashing. The…pain. There was only one person here who you were familiar with. Helmut. The others? You had no idea what crimes they implemented to end up at a place as dark as this.
“He’s at the end of that corridor.” one of the guards motioned for the others to leave you alone. His hand gestured to a tall white door that had a small built-in window. Your sight was obstructed by the frosted glass of it.
“Will you join me?” you questioned, wanting to prepare for it if he had to accompany you.
“Generally, yes.” he breathed out, putting his hands in the pockets of his uniform. Then, he sighed quietly & eyed you once more. “But since it was requested you speak to him alone, I’ll leave you be.”
“Whose request was that?” your eyebrows furrowed. The Raft was not an institution for exceptions. At first, the mere thought of getting to see Helmut again was an impossibility.
“Captain America’s.” he stated monotonously. The way his face scrunched up made it obvious that he was less than pleased about this decision. As soon as you were out of here, you had to call Sam & thank him for making this feasible.
“Oh.” it was all you could muster at the moment. There was an overwhelming feeling you had to handle. And it was not exactly one of your specialties.
“The door is unlocked. Walk down the hallway & the cell will come into view. If something happens, there’s an emergency button that should be operated whe-“ you stopped him during his speech.
“Thanks for your concern but I’ll be just fine.” a genuine smile formed on your face. The guard nodded at you, still slightly uncertain, & turned around without another word. Letting the uncomfortable silence envelop you. Your legs were frozen in place, preventing you from running to him. Maybe it was the thought of having to say goodbye again. As wonderful as it was that you were allowed to visit him, the concept of abandoning him broke your heart. The difference between the jail in Germany & this one was that you could not linger close by. The trip lasted for a while. Daily visitations were out of the question.
Slow but steady steps moved you over to the door. A hand raised to the doorknob. The coldness of it grounded you the slightest bit. You had to take a few deep breaths, just like he had instructed you multiple times before, in order to reduce the fast, almost unhealthy pace of your beating heart. Your hand twisted the doorknob to one side & when you heard the lock click, you pushed the door open with your entire body weight. Otherwise, you would have been too weak to do so. Bright lights had you squint your eyes. A hand was used as a shield to block most of the luminosity. When your eyes adjusted to the different setting, you straightened your back & brushed non-existent dust from your clothes. This motion gave you something to do with your hands. It was a much needed distraction. You held your head high, looking straight forward to the very end of the corridor. At the sides, the walls were painted bright white. Almost too bright for your liking. It resembled a hospital & you had never enjoyed them. The consistency of it was broken with the glass wall you were staring at. The one which was straight ahead. His cell, you figured. But there was no silhouette you could make out. Considering the size, you should have noticed him already. But he was not there. So you no longer moved in slow motion but jogged over to the pane.
Fast footsteps echoed in Helmut’s ears. Time was fluid in a jail like that. But it had not been long since a guard brought him breakfast. Whoever visited him now, it seemed to be urgent on the basis of the fast pace they approached. He scooted closer to the frigid wall behind his bed. Something he did to mess with the employees here. At least it gave him something to do. Besides reading tons of books & listening to the radio that had been prepared for him. That was luxurious enough for an inmate. All of a sudden, it was silent. Too quiet for his liking. The next thing he heard was music to his ears.
“Helmut?” your broken voice whispered & filled the room. Was he turning hallucinational? Nobody would blame him in a place like this. But not even his imagination could recall your softness so perfectly. He stood up, carefully, & widened his eyes at the sight of you. There you were, on the other side of the transparent wall. Separating the outside world from the box he found himself in.
“(Y/N)? You’re here.” no time was wasted. Helmut dragged his body as close to yours as his cell allowed him to. One of his hands touched the smooth surface & you mimicked his actions. There were tears threatening to escape but you tried everything to keep them locked inside. “Don’t cry.” the volume of his voice had lowered. Nobody could listen to you in here but it almost felt illicit to talk at a normal volume.
“I’m sorry.” you chuckled shortly, your free hand coming to your face to wipe at your cheeks. How he wanted to be the one to touch your tender skin. To have you lean into his palm.
“What are you sorry for?” the proximity was given yet unattainable. Your gaze averted, staring at the pavement floor.
“I don’t know…For everything?” you shrugged your shoulders, laughing at how incomprehensible you sounded. Helmut shook his head. That was how he knew you. Always being the one to carry everyone’s burden on your own. Though you did not need to.
“Stop that.” it was an order but not a forceful one. One that eased the tension immediately.
“Okay.” you mouthed.
The floor was everything but comfortable but you made do. Sitting cross legged opposite of Helmut was dreamlike. In your dreams, you had skin-to-skin contact but that delight had been denied. Simply having him next to you was enough for now. Helmut had his elbows on his knees, watching your every move. Reminiscing every small detail he could get a glimpse of. But there was nothing new he came across. He remembered you like the back of his hand. Sometimes even more precisely than you did yourself. And yet, his observation resembled the first time when his warm, chocolate brown eyes fell onto your frame. Usually, you handled his stares well but something inside of you told you to inquire.
“What?” you asked with a playful, teasing tone. His eyes locked onto yours. You giggled at his confused state.
“Is there a problem?” Helmut turned insecure for a second. And people who knew him were aware that he was barely ever uncertain.
“No, not at all.” you shook your head to emphasize your words. “Just…you’re staring.” you called him out. It made him laugh, his head falling back briefly.
“Is it forbidden to stare?” one of his eyebrows perked up. “I believe most people are flattered by the attention.” though he played the serious act quite well, you could tell that he was joking.
“You’re awful.” you laughed at his antics.
“I am aware.” he saw you opening your mouth to disagree with him but Helmut was faster. “(Y/N)?”
“What is it?” you rested your intertwined hands in your lap. But he had noticed the trembles. He had noticed you struggling. And he realized that it was because of the position you were currently in.
“How is it like? Outside, I mean.” he skillfully changed the topic before the atmosphere between you two could shift in a negative way.
“You have a radio.” your finger pointed to the one sitting on a small table inside the cell right next to a stack of read-through books. “I’m sure you have an idea of what it’s like.”
“But I would love to hear it from you.” there was an encouraging smile on his lips that you could not resist, no matter what.
“Well, Karli’s dead. Sharon took care of her.” you began & watched him nodding approvingly. “Bucky finished his amends & it really looks like he’s doing much better. He’s taking baby steps but he’s doing well.” you could not suppress the small smile when you spoke about the super soldier. Helmut was not jealous. Bucky & you had become fast friends over time.
“Could you deliver a message from me?” he continued after a hum from you. “Tell James that I am happy for him. And thank him from me.” that warmed your heart. All of the previous disputes aside, they had started tolerating each other. You would not go as far as calling them friends but what was not could still be.
“I will.” you promised with certainty. “Right, um…Sam is Captain America. This job is made for him. I truly believe, with him, we’ll achieve great things.” you quieted down, not exactly knowing how to continue.
“So you established Sam’s & James’ success. But what about you?” he read you too easily. No other person saw through you like he did. That affirmed the close bond you two shared even further.
“What about me?” a phony dumfounded expression was plastered on your face.
“How have you been doing?” it was a question with so much emotion & care hidden beneath, it brought tears to the corners of your eyes instantly. Your attempts to blink them away were gratuitous. They started rolling down over your cheeks. So fast, in fact, you could not even wipe them away with your sleeves in time. Helmut’s heart broke at this sight of you. It was clear as day that you experienced a rough patch. The cause of it was him being imprisoned, that much he knew. “Talk to me.” he whispered & cursed the guards for not granting his partner access inside his cell. But they thought he would plan another escape. At the same time, they were unaware that he would not take the risk to jeopardize your safety with a second try.
“It’s…” you took a deep breath to steady your voice & avoid the wavering & cracking. “It’s been hard.” you admitted quietly. “Without you.” you finished. Your eyes flickered up to his face. His look brought you the tiniest bit of contentment. The way his body language could comfort you in such a way was prodigious.
“Love.” the nickname gained your entire attention. It was like all of your worries melted away by the simple sound of it rolling from his lips. The tears did not stop but they were mixed with happiness now. Gratitude that you shared this moment with him. You were here. Helmut was here. Similar to how it used to be. Yet, entirely different. “Please look at me when I tell you this.” & you obeyed without a second thought. “You are my world. If I could change this situation, trust me that I would instantly. I understand your struggles. And I abominate that I cannot dispose of your demons. Or make them part of my own. Your pain causes me aching ten times worse. It is painful seeing you like this. My love, you must promise me one thing.” it was hard for him to get through this speech without his voice fading at the emotions he was experiencing. But he had to stay strong for you. It would only cause you more distress if you noticed him showing how affected he truly was.
“Anything, Helmut.” your reply followed straight after. If he asked you for something, you would do your very best to make him proud of you.
“Promise me to take care of yourself. I would hate to watch you disappear because of me.” the sincerity assured you how important it was to him.
“Helmut, I don’t think I coul-“ he shushed you when he spotted what you were intending to do.
“Promise me, my love.” he repeated & you closed your eyes briefly, releasing another wave of tears.
“I promise.” your eyelids slowly opened & you could detect the relief in his at your words.
“How did you persuade them into visiting an inmate?” the atmosphere had shifted to a relaxing feel once again. And his attempt to start another conversation was welcomed.
“I didn’t do anything. Though I’ve tried multiple times…Sam came to my aid.” you chuckled at the memory & the excitement you emitted after his call. The news had been the best in a very long time.
“Ah, of course, if Captain America requests a visitation…” Helmut started.
“The chiefs are on board in an instant.” you finished his sentence & the both of you laughed at the tomfoolery.
“Means that Sam is the reason for your stay.” you confirmed his thought process quietly. “Please express my gratitude for him as well.”
“Will do.” you wanted to maintain the dialogue with him but a loud noise from behind you caught you by surprise. The same guard who had instructed your appropriate behavior inside these hallways was back. There was a look on his face you could not quite identify but it left you uneasy.
“Time’s over.” the statement felt like someone stabbed you with a knife. Not once, not twice. Multiple times to cause as much damage as possible. Helmut then stood up from the floor, gesturing for you to do the same. The moment you were on your feet again, your knees were close to giving out. Digging deep inside, you mustered all the strength you had left & fixed your posture. You did that to avoid radiating a fragile appearance. “Bid your goodbyes, I’ll wait by the door.” the guard took his place in the doorway, waiting for you to approach him. Your body faced Helmut’s & you rested both of your hands on the glass in front of you. He mimicked you & if it were not for the transparent border, you would have touched.
“I’ll miss you.” you whispered as you pressed your forehead against the boundary.
“I will miss you more.” he followed right after. “But you are always here with me.” one hand rested above his heart. Goodbyes were difficult. Especially with the ulterior motive of not returning the following day. It would most likely take a while until you would face him again. Secretly, so nobody could discern what you were doing, you pulled a small paper out of your pocket & pushed it through one of the many, tiny holes in the glass wall. It dropped to the floor on the other side. Helmut sent you a questioning glance which you retuned with a soft, gentle smile. Coughing behind you brought you back to reality. You had to leave. As much as it hurt, you turned your back to Helmut & distanced yourself from his cell. Arriving at the exit, you looked over shoulder one last time. One last time, your eyes locked. One last time, you let your tender features speak. One last time. While you walked away from him, he picked the small paper up from the ground. Unfolding it with much care, his eyes got stuck on three little words that were neatly curved in your handwriting. So when your eyes met, he returned that favor without anyone realizing it. His lips moved & you saw him mouthing that same phrase back. Your smile grew wider, as did his. And then you were gone. Of course, you would come back. And with Sam’s help, it would probably be sooner rather than later. He stared at the door where you just walked through. His gaze then turned to the paper in his hands. Never would he let go of it again. He would treat it like it was made out of gold. To him, it was. And it was worth so much more. The feeling it triggered inside of him could not be purchased. It could only be provided by a special someone. That special someone was you. Reading through the note one more time, he sat down on the uncomfortable mattress. The displeasure was ignored for now. For a minute, he bathed in the loving emotions you brought to him.
“I love you. -xo(Y/N)”
Published (05/09/2021) by Cathy
✨MY Ko-fi PAGE✨
Tags: @there-will-be-p-e-a-c-e, @simply-skeletons, @weareironmanbitches, @yallgotkik, @noavengers, @lieutenantn, @birdieofloxley, @aisling1985, @trelaney, @bibliophilewednesday, @msmarvelsmain, @takacsgram, @ya-boi-is-dead, @deamus-liv, @therenlover (thanks for your support <3)
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hey, how are you? hope you’re good!!!! it’s not a request, I just wanted to let you know that I’m beyond grateful for your writing because it makes me feel a little better with myself. thank you so much! have a awESOME day!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️ (where I live it’s mother’s day so I wish a good one for you!)
omg, hi! I'm good, thanks for asking (tired but when am I not?). Hope you have a great day as well! & thank you so so much for reading, it means the world ❤️ I'm sending you all the hugs :)
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People have been asking me to recommend some writers: Here are my personal favorites!
@therenlover 💜
@shmaptainshada 💜
@creme-bruhlee 💜
@mymagicsuitcase 💜
@noforkingclue 💜
@met4no1a 💜
@weareironmanbitches 💜
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That’s What You Deserve (Helmut Zemo x Reader)
Request: Maybe Zemo x reader where he finds out that the reader self harms (or did in the past if you're more comfortable)? if not, that's okay! but I figured I'd ask (by anonymous), [Marvel-Masterlist]
Summary: Not every person was as attentive as Helmut. So it should have been no surprise when he noticed the most subtle movements that went by unnoticed by everyone else.
Words: 5,562
Warnings: language, angst, (graphic descriptions of) self-harm, hurt/comfort, fluff, mentions of mental & physical abuse, abusive family, blood, female pronouns, Zemo is an angel, (if you need someone to talk to: feel free to message me <3), REQUESTS ARE OPEN!
[Thanks @weareironmanbitches that I could bother you with all of my ideas <3]
If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤
You were an incredibly held back person. Strangers described you as shy & closed off while your friends characterized you as bubbly & outgoing. Most days, not even you were sure what term suited better. Depended on where your head was at. Depended on how present your past felt.
Naturally, when Helmut first interacted with you, his observant self came across a seemingly unbreakable wall. One that only ever crumbled when you opened up to someone & invited them in. Which was not your plan for the Baron. But it was his plan to change your way of thinking.
Helmut went out of his way to engage you in a conversation, though most of his attempts had failed miserably. It was only when the topic concerned your upcoming missions that you paid attention to him. To him, you were a mysterious someone he wanted to get to know better. Were it not for you making this task almost impossible. You were a closed book with endless locks that impeded the process of entrusting. That should not stop him from unsealing it, flicking through the several pages & studying every word in great detail. But it required time & patience. It was a challenge worth taking up.
The first time Helmut noticed that your timid behavior was caused by something way deeper than disliking human interaction was pretty early on, shorty after your first meeting in Germany. It did not strike him peculiar that you spent your days wearing long sleeved t-shirts, hoodies & all of that sorts. After all, he was familiar with that habit. His aristocratical fur coat was proof enough. It was always with him & mostly on him. Something else stood out, though. Your efforts to keep the material down at your palms by clutching the hem of your sleeves. It was a subtle movement. Nearly inconspicuous if you were not as attentive as Helmut. He was certain that neither Sam nor Bucky had registered you doing this. Best friends were supposed to note the small details. You would never even call Helmut an acquaintance, let alone a friend. But it appeared that he read you better than the others ever could. All unbeknownst to you.
As much as you condemned the Baron lifestyle, you admitted that the luxury of owning a private jet was convenient every now & then. And the soft, cozy seats were to die for. Not that you would ever voice your thoughts. It was a simple observation you kept to yourself. But you did not mind the long hours of the flight one bit.
Usually, when you felt an urge coming on, you grabbed your sketchbook & haphazardly started drawing. Filling the pages with black ink & various patterns you found fitting at the moment. Sam & Bucky did not even glance at you when you did that. Helmut, on the other hand, raised his eyebrows expectantly & waited for someone to enlighten him. That was the second time a poor feeling washed through him. Since your best friends did not comment on it but just let you do your thing, he decided against a remark. Besides, you were so deep into another world, you forgot your surroundings altogether. Your headphones provided you with soothing tunes. Your pen moved in sync with the rhythm. And a distraction was created. Thankfully. Otherwise, you would have run to the bathroom & done something regrettable.
“(Y/N)?” Helmut tried after a long time of you focusing on the pages of the book in your lap. “(Y/N)?” a little louder this time & yet, useless.
“Dude, she doesn’t wanna talk to you when she does that. Isn’t that obvious?” Sam exasperatedly rolled his eyes at the oblivious Baron.
“I believe her means differ from your suggestion.” Helmut folded his hands in front of his chest as his eyes followed your swift movements.
“Sure, believe whatever you want, buddy.” & Sam returned to ignoring him, his head turning so he could gaze out of the window. There were a couple of options Helmut could go for but in the end, he decided for the one that would not scare you. After all, he was not intending on ruining your artwork.
The small table that separated the two chairs you guys were occupying was used as a surface to prop up his elbows. A motion that allowed Helmut to lean his upper body closer to the other side where you were busy digressing. Only when your natural instincts screamed at you that another presence was staring at you did you tilt your head upwards. Confusion adorned your expression as soon as your eyes locked with his brown ones. The position he was in revealed that he wanted to talk to you. Sure, you could have gone back to sketching but since you were not in your best mood today, you ended up removing your headphones. Placing them next to you carefully.
“Everything alright?” you questioned when the silence became suffocating & the man opposite of you did not make a single move to change anything about it.
“Wonderful.” he gently smiled at you. His one-word answer did not get rid of the tension between you two.
“Was there…anything else you needed?” you coughed & averted your gaze. Suddenly incommodious by the intensity his eyes bore into yours.
“What are you sketching?” he inquired with genuine interest. The conversation you held was not regarding your next mission but you already made the mistake when you let yourself interrupt by his inspection.
“Um, nothing in particular. Whatever comes to mind.” instinctively, you shut the small book & brushed your hand over the cover lightly.
“May I?” his hand gestured to your lap & your first reaction was no. But a few seconds ticked by & you were too tired to think of a plausible excuse. So you grabbed the sketchbook & stretched it out in his direction. An ordinary movement. Nothing special. But since your hand held onto the notebook & was therefore occupied with a different task, you forgot to pull down your sleeve in the process. It was only a diminutive gap of exposed skin but Helmut’s eyes flickered to the lighter areas of your wrist that disrupted the smoothness of it. There was shock plastered on his face as he took the little book from you but you did not see it because you were already gazing somewhere else. Only when you withdrew your arm did you direct the material down so half of your palm was covered by it. For a moment, Helmut was frozen in place but he regained his composure & pretended that everything was fine. Your sketches were astonishing but he had a hard time focusing on the various pieces. His mind was filled with the previous image he unintentionally caught sight of.
Without a distraction, it was much harder to disregard the impulse. Your hands settled onto your thighs & you began to rub your palms over them. Soon, your fingernails did the job but since your pants were too thick, it did not release anything. Your breathing was labored & your eyes switched from one place to another. When they fixed on Helmut’s body, you internally groaned by the slow pace he went through your sketchbook. If he continued at this tempo then it was about to become outrageously difficult for you. Clenching & unclenching your muscles did not necessarily work out. You promised yourself to keep your distance from it. And previously to that promise, you had promised yourself the exact same thing. But it never quite lasted. You could not select a suitable timing for when your dark thoughts started overpowering you. Sometimes, the triggers were so tiny, so unreasonable, but they triggered you nonetheless. And right now, that was the case.
“Hey, Helmut?” your question was frantic & it caught his attention immediately. Not only because of the audible desperation but because you called him by his first name. “Where’s the bathroom?”
“It is right-“ his finger pointed to the end of the hallway where a curtain disconnected the two areas of the plane. He could not even finish his sentence because you jumped off your seat the second he showed you where it was located. His body turned in his chair so he could watch you leave.
“Sam? James?” Helmut heard the two men groan when he mentioned their names. Their heads spun around, annoyance radiating from them. “Do you not suppose (Y/N)’s behavior as odd?”
“You barely even know her.” Bucky stated with a sarcastic undertone.
“That’s just how she is.” Sam added & brushed Helmut’s thoughts off as insignificant. “You’re reading too much into it, really.”
“Very well then.” the Baron replied but he was still doubtful about this entire situation. But if your best friends claimed that you were just fine & that nothing about you was unusual, then it had to be correct, right?
The hammering heartbeat pounded in your ears as you locked the door behind you. The mirror reflected your distressed appearance with a poor light that seemed to worsen the state you were in. There were tears in your eyes that you tried to blink away. You knew the next step of it like a well-rehearsed pattern because sadly, it had become exactly that. One of your hands closed the toilet seat as the other fished out a small package from your pocket. It was a habit of yours to always carry a blade with you. Simply to prove yourself that you were not dependent on it. Deep down, it was just another one of your many lies you told yourself for the sake of your conscience. In the end, it was the same outcome. And you were too far gone now to hold back. You needed this or you would go insane. Your hands shook but the second your fingers clasped the cold metal, you had full control. You lowered yourself on the seat & hoisted the sleeves so your littered skin came into view. To you, it was a reflection that resembled a piece of art. If you looked precisely, you noticed endless shapes all created by the same blade you were currently clutching. Not all of them. There was one that stood out. It was on the inside of your left forearm. A concise scar, the one that started the dark spiral you now found yourself trapped in. A circle of smooth skin outlined the mark. Its purpose was to remind you of why you were doing this in the first place. Why you knew that you had to do this. Because it was not your decision, it was hers.
~flashback~
You were nine years old & had lived through more than any child ever should have. It was probably enough for an entire lifetime if you were honest. The opportunity of meeting your father had never been given. For as long as you could remember, it had been your mother & you. She was an incredibly busy & stressed woman. Handling a kid on her own with a job that barely brought enough income to feed one person. But she made do. Back then, it was normal to be yelled at by her. If a child grew up in such a household, there had not been a lot that faced them.
It was a common day, like every other one. School ended & you arrived at home exactly at the time your mom had ordered you to. If you obeyed then chances were high that she would not scold you for whatever came to her mind that day. Mostly, you were not even sure why she was mad in the first place. And at such a young age, of course you searched for something that was wrong with you. Though your mother could never give you a definite reason. She was angry & you had to handle her.
But that day was everything but common. She cut vegetables for lunch & you thought it to be nice to keep her company while you finished your homework. So you seated yourself onto the chair next to her by the kitchen table. You unpacked your bag, sprawling out your notebooks in front of you. Immediately, you went to work & for a while, your mother & you sat next to each other in silence. Each time the knife she held cut through the carrots, you flinched unintentionally. Something about this movement left an uneasy feeling inside of you. Still, your focus was solely on your homework. Only when you could not finish an exercise & had already spent a good amount of time contemplating whether or not to ask for help did you speak up for the very first time since you got home.
“Mama?” your small & gentle voice echoed through the room. The woman sighed exaggeratingly & deposited the kitchen tool on the surface of the dark wooden table.
“What?” again, you flinched. This time it was because of the volume & harshness of her question.
“I don’t know how this works. Could you please help me?” there was a restrictive sound to it because you knew your mother disliked whenever you were incapable of succeeding on your own & required someone else to aid you.
“I didn’t raise you to become stupid, (Y/N).” her right hand grabbed the handle of the knife again & she continued her previous task.
“Please, mama.” that seemed to push her over the edge because the moment you pleaded, she grasped your left hand firmly & pressed it down onto the wood. A whimper left your lips but it soon turned into a painful scream as she rested the cold metal against your tender forearm, applying pressure so it cut through your skin with ease. Slowly, almost as if she savored this action, she dragged the blade further up, creating a precise wound. Tears rolled down your cheeks because the pain was too much to bare. Never before had she gone as far as touching you. Words & threats were thrown at you but this was the first time that she harmed you physically. The sight of your blood drippling down your arm made you sick but you somehow could not avert your gaze. Your mother then whispered a phrase into your ear that you would never forget again. It was so dangerously low, goosebumps erupted on your skin.
“That’s what you deserve.”
~flashback end~
“That’s what I deserve.” you mumbled over & over before you finally gained enough courage to create the first cut. Immediately, you could breathe easier, relief washing over you at the familiar burning sensation. The tears blurred your vision but you did not care. Only when the suffocating feeling had vanished entirely did you stop. There was blood running down your arms & onto the floor. Now you had to act fast. The others would most likely question why you occupied the bathroom for such a long period of time. You used the available toilet paper to get rid of the blood spots. The water tap released ice cold water with which you rinsed the wounds & cleaned them as much as possible with the available tools. A few more minutes went by because you waited until your blood started clotting. No bandages were present & you did not want to mess up your t-shirt or worry the others if they spotted something red on your sleeves.
A deep breath later & with a straightened posture you opened the door. Acting as if nothing happened, as if everything was the same old. Even though you knew that it was not. But you should stay the only one with that knowledge. You sighed contently as you dropped down onto the soft cushions of the seat opposite of Helmut. He noticed the shift instantly. You seemed calmer, more at ease. Not fiddling as much as before. And you did not move to grab your sketchbook he had put on the table after finishing flipping through. All you did was closing your eyes & sinking further into the chair. Helmut was this close to breaking the silence with another one of his questions. But the satisfied expression on your face prevented him for doing so. As he averted his gaze, a tiny variation caught his eyes. There was blood on your sleeve. Barely there but there nevertheless. Maybe a nosebleed, he figured. But maybe, & that made more sense to him, there was more behind your entire façade.
Helmut clarified that there was a safe-house in Latvia that you could occupy for the time being. As much as you appreciated the thought, it was not just a safe-house, it was a safe-manor or however you wanted to call it. One luxury topped the other one. Your eyes overstrained by the rich touch of it. Like you were out of place, like you did not belong. An accidental intruder.
Night had replaced day, moon up where the sun had only been a few hours prior. Everyone was sound asleep. Everyone but you. Whenever your thoughts consumed you, it was a hard task to close your eyes to rest. Usually, the same images of that day replayed themselves & you wanted to avoid this tonight. For as long as exhaustion could be held at bay. Which was easier when you sketched. Grabbing the leather covered book, you made yourself comfortable on the couch. The only light inside the spacious room was provided by the moon which shone through the sheer curtains. It would only take a few steps for you to switch on the lights but you shook off that thought. The darkness was rather endearing even if it obstructed your sight quite a bit.
So when a sudden rush of brightness appeared, you could not help but flinch in fear. Your head moved around frantically to find the source of it. You released a breath you did not know you were holding when your eyes settled on Helmut’s figure.
“Fuck, Zemo.” you threw your head back in frustration, hoping your racing heart would calm down again.
“Earlier today, I was Helmut.” he stated & came closer to where you were sitting.
“What?” you were too startled to think coherently so everything was confusing to you.
“You called me Helmut during the flight.” he explained himself in order for you to understand.
“Oh.” your eyebrows furrowed. “Guess that was a mistake then.” you chuckled uncomfortably because truthfully, you did not remember how you called him.
“What was? Helmut or Zemo?” he took a seat at the other end of the couch, resting one of his arms over the back of it.
“Why does it matter?” you breathed out & rubbed a hand over your face to dispose of the last bits of worry.
“I suppose it doesn’t.” Helmut shrugged, keeping his eyes trained on your hands that clutched the hem of your sleeves tightly. Another sign. “Why aren’t you resting?”
“I could ask you the exact same thing.” your eyes met his, a tight lipped smile on your face. Clearly you were on edge though Helmut could tell that his presence was not the cause of it. Something else was troubling you. And he would try everything to make you comfortable enough to open up to him.
“I must admit…I believed someone broke in. I am rather observant & perceived footsteps.” he recalled the sounds he made out when he was in his room. All he wanted to do was check if everything was alright. “Now, I explained my side of the story. Enlighten me on yours.”
“Couldn’t sleep.” your statement was monotonously. Everyone could have recognized the dishonesty your words held.
“Is that all?” he inquired & you scoffed at his persistency.
“Yeah, Zemo. It is. Believe it or not but there are times when a person isn’t tired.” it was unintended to sound so rude but once you started, you could not stop anymore. Helmut simply was the one who received your bad mood.
“You lack sleep.” he pointed out & the frustration that had been growing inside of you threatened to spill over.
“You lack identifying when to stop observing someone.” you spat out through gritted teeth. Afterwards, you closed your eyes briefly. You did not like yourself when you were acting like that. Yet, the man in front of you was not scared off by your attitude.
“Fair enough. Apologies.” he raised his arms defensively.
“Shit.” you mumbled & shook your head. “No, I’m sorry. I’m being horrible, I know. It’s not my intention, I promise.” your gaze flickered back to the sketchbook in your lap, the pen inside your hand moving over the paper in vibrant motions.
“You have talent, do you know that?” he scooted closer to your body. At first, you wanted to distance yourself from him but the couch did not allow this & you were not opposed to having another person close when your mind attempted to play tricks on you.
“Eh, I’m not so sure about that.” you continued your sketch, voice now barely above a whisper.
“Good thing I am sure then.” Helmut smiled at you as he watched you skillfully drawing line after line. Creating a small piece of art in the process.
“Why are you doing this?” the pen fell from your fingers. Your head lifted up so the two of you were on one level.
“Doing what exactly?” his head tilted to the side in a perplex way.
“This.” your hands gestured around you. Forgetting about the most important task that kept your secret hidden. “Why are you being so nice to me?”
“Because…that’s what you deserve.” you froze when you heard this phrase rolling off of his tongue. Your breathing picked up its pace but the last thing you wanted was losing it in front of Helmut. He would believe you to be insane if you did. “(Y/N)?” his hand moved on top of yours & snapped you out of your trance.
“S-Sorry.” you stuttered out, planning on retreating your hand but finding it restricted by his grip. It was not too tight but with enough force to keep it in place.
“Don’t apologize.” he soothed you, thumb stroking over your smooth skin tenderly. “Would you like to talk about whatever it is that is bothering you?”
“I’m fine, Helmut.” now you caught yourself changing his name. You were unsure why you called him by his first name but then again, you had other burdens to deal with at the moment.
“Does it concern these?” his free hand pointed at the exposed skin between your palm & the end of your sleeve. He saw. He knew. He would judge.
“Helmut, please.” not even you knew what you were begging for & yet you pleaded for the unknown. His hand raised to your chin to lift your head once again. There was so much pain behind your eyes that it broke his heart to see you in such a state. He carefully cupped your cheek, giving you enough time to lean back if you wanted to. You did not. Your eyes closed, releasing the tears that had wanted to come out for a very long time now.
Minutes of silence went by & neither of you moved away.
“May I?” he asked warily & you did not need him to voice what he intended. Nobody had ever looked at your scars. At the same time, nobody ever noticed that something was wrong. As Helmut put it, he was a rather observant man. Apparently you nodded because the Baron started lifting up the sleeve on your right arm, revealing innumerable cuts. Some of them which had faded & some of them which screamed at the alarming red color that surrounded them. Those were the ones from the flight earlier today. Helmut was cautious as to not touch any of the fresh wounds. Already planning on tending to them after this interaction. You eyed his every movement & were in awe by the gentleness he handled this. Others would have run, scolded you but Helmut was special. As he went on to your left arm, you felt yourself pulling back. His eyebrows raised in question but you simply shook your head. That was another huge barrier & you did not know if you were ready to show another person just yet. But he had already seen your worst, it could not get lower than this. Slowly & with a slight tremble, you stretched your left arm out. Helmut sensed your displeasure & silently asked for permission through his eyes. Another short nod from your side started his movements. You heard him take in a sharp breath as your forearm came into view. The image looked familiar though he could not quite pinpoint where he had seen it before. His pointer finger rested on the smooth skin that circled around a singular scar & he traced the form with a warm, barely there touch. It was such an intimate moment between you two. Because Helmut seemed like he accepted that dark part of you rather than dismissing it like you had always believed another soul would have.
“Come on, ask.” you prompted after the quiet in the room became too much.
“Questions seem rather inappropriate.” he spoke softly, still occupied with tracing almost every faded wound on your arms.
“But you wanna know, don’t you?” one of your eyebrows perked up, voice cracking at every other word you said.
“I am curious, sure. But your comfort is my top priority.” Helmut indirectly offered you to choose whether or not you wanted him to know. You appreciated him for that, a lot.
“It’s actually ridiculous.” you breathed out, embarrassed if you really were about to go down that road.
“Hardly. This is a result of traumatic pain, I assume.” & how right he was with this assumption.
“Isn’t it always?” you chuckled though the sound of it was poignant.
“It is not my intention to force you into a situation you are not comfortable with.” he clarified.
“Well, you kinda already did.” you shrugged but continued when you saw him opening his mouth. “But it’s no problem. I let it happen, after all.”
“Sam & James don’t know.” Helmut concluded but that thought had been clear as day the moment you first met.
“This sounds more of a statement than a question.” you pointed out & smiled genuinely at him. He returned the favor, happy that the tension was not as prominent anymore.
“A plain observation.” he smirked, showing that spark in his eyes that was rarely ever seen.
“Or that.” it was almost as if you forgot that your biggest secret & insecurity was completely displayed for him. Hesitantly, you grasped his wrist & put his hand on the place where the scar stood out that was not caused by you. Helmut did not dare to interrupt you. If you wanted to do this then he would comply. While the rest of your forearms burned because of the still fresh cuts, this area remained pristine. Then it hit him. The image of it was familiar because you included it in almost all of your sketches. Various sizes, different structures, several lines. Some thick, some interrupted because the tip of the pen barely grazed the page.
“Your sketches.” the Baron remarked.
“Yep.” your lips pressed together at the end of your reply. “It’s become some sort of a distraction, you know?”
“So back on the jet when you handed me the book…” he trailed off at the end which left you to finish his train of thought.
“The distraction was gone & the urge returned.” you had no idea how you two could talk about this topic so casually.
“These are from today then?” Helmut feared that you might change your mind & leave before he could actually help you or offer you his help. You silently confirmed his question. “Was there a particular trigger that we were not aware of?” his sentiment was cute. Because he searched for the blame in himself or Sam & Bucky.
“Not back on the plane. But now, actually.” you replied honestly & immediately regretted it when you detected the guilt on his face. “That came out wrong…Just, when you said “That’s what you deserve.”, that kinda triggered some old memories.”
“I would like to apologize for my inconvenience.” he withdrew both of his hands but you did not move to pull down the sleeves as you usually did.
“No need to.” you assured him with a sincere smile. “It’s just how my brain works. You didn’t know.”
“And this.” his eyes settled onto the obvious showcase you created for that scar.
“Mama.” you whispered, feeling your eyes growing wet once again. “She wasn’t the kindest woman. I was nine when it became too much for her & she just…she just cut me.” recalling it was painful to say the least. But you had found it to be impossible to erase those memories.
“Your mother is the reason for that one.” a delicate finger traced the lighter area one more time. “But the rest is from you.” the conclusion did not take too much effort for him. While he did not necessarily understand why you ended up causing yourself pain, he did not bad talk it either. There had to be a reason.
“I mean, it’s what I deserve.” you mumbled, hoping Helmut would not hear. But he did. Because he was as attentive as a person could be.
“That is so far from the truth.” he took your hands in his & waited until your eyes locked onto his face. “A mother is supposed to love her child endlessly. Your mama failed at that task. Your thoughts are consumed by someone who harmed you, (Y/N).” it hurt when the Baron called you out on something you had already known.
“She had every reason to. Besides, it was only once, okay?” even you were confused why you defended the woman that controlled your actions to this day.
“And what else did she do?” because that could not have been everything, something inside Helmut told him that much.
“Just like...poorly talking about me & that kinda stuff. Nothing too crazy.” if someone was as far as making this sound like it was normal, they had been hurt too much.
“Let me help you.” Helmut suggested which earned a confused stare from you.
“What?” was all you could muster at the moment. All these years, you had been on your own with a burden as heavy as the weight of the world, it seemed unnatural to ask for someone’s help. Especially when you knew what happened the last time that you did.
“Next time you feel like the only way to dispose of these urges is to hurt yourself, come to me & let me help you.” the sincerity with which he spoke was heartwarming. Deep down, you felt like you were not worth all this. That his efforts were too much for a person like you.
“That’s too much to ask for.” you gently declined him but he was persistent & made it his job to keep you from doing this again.
“Well, you didn’t ask, did you? It was a suggestion from my side.” he grinned slyly & managed to make you chuckle. “So?”
“Okay.” you gave in after a short contemplation. “I can’t promise anything, though.” you made sure to add before he got his hopes up. Your mind worked mysterious ways that you could not comprehend most of the time.
“I do not require a promise. Okay is more than enough.” he reassured you as he stood up from the couch. Was your talk over now? Did he grow tired already? You would not blame him if he did. “I will pick up the first-aid kit from the bathroom. I will be right back.” he lifted your hand to his lips so he could press a lingering kiss on your knuckles. The only answer you could give him was a nod or at least you hoped you nodded. The bewilderment was clearly visible. The thought that you just opened up to someone about your deepest, darkest secret still had to sink in.
After his return, he did not ask another question. In fact, no words were exchanged between you two. He kneeled in front of you as he quietly got to work. Cleaning the wounds properly. A few winces escaped you but it was nothing you could not handle. It was unusual to see him this gentle. Helmut appeared as someone with a big ego. But his empathy was just as big, if not bigger. You were shocked. Because you actually opened up to someone & to Helmut of all people. Because he did not judge you. Because he did not tell you that whatever you did was wrong or crazed. He offered his help & that was enough for the time being. You were no longer alone. You no longer had to go through this on your own. The support that you now felt would change your life forever. For the better. Maybe you would not fully heal right away. But at least you were willing to change. With Helmut by your side.
Published (05/08/2021) by Cathy
Tags: @there-will-be-p-e-a-c-e, @simply-skeletons, @weareironmanbitches, @yallgotkik, @noavengers, @lieutenantn, @birdieofloxley, @aisling1985, @trelaney, @bibliophilewednesday, @msmarvelsmain, @takacsgram, @ya-boi-is-dead, @deamus-liv (thanks for your support <3)
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One World, One People - TFATWS Rewrite Chapter Six (Bucky Barnes x Reader) | FINALE
[Marvel-Masterlist], [TFATWS Rewrite-Masterlist]
Previous Chapter
Summary: This was it. One last time, you had to go into a fight. One last time, you had to make sure you made it out alive. One last time, you hoped, because you could not take any more.
Words: 9,683
Warnings: language, violence, blood, injuries, angst, arguments, fluff, humor, sarcasm, sass, TFATWS spoilers, last Chapter (yes, that’s definitely a warning)
If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤
“I’m almost there.” Sam informed Bucky & you over the ear pieces that connected you with each other.
“What’s the plan?” Bucky asked as he turned his head over & over to make sure that nobody was about to attack you. Once again, you were told to stay home but you were too stubborn. No way would you ever let them do this alone. Past aside, injuries aside, they needed you & if you were careful enough, nothing should go wrong.
“Karli’s gotta be close. Keep your eyes open.” Sam stated & you rolled your eyes.
“Great plan.” you sarcastically remarked.
“Well, it could be anybody.” the super soldier next to you pointed out.
“As Sam said…keep your eyes open. That’s another staring exercise. It’s perfect for you.” you teased & earned a playful shove from him. The two of you neared guards & you hoped they would allow you through without any problems. Your charming smile was plastered on your face, inviting enough for them to let you pass.
“Sergeant Barnes.” one officer greeted Bucky. Your mouth opened but before you could complain about not being addressed, he grabbed your wrist in one swift movement & dragged you behind him. The distance increased & you could not help but turn around one last time & observe all officers who had their backs faced to you. Your legs no longer carried you, your arms crossing over your chest. Bucky noticed you no longer walking beside him & shifted so he could look at you. He sighed loudly at your exaggerated pout.
“Sergeant Barnes.” you impersonated the man who did not even glance at you. “Does he even know who I am? I am a reliable member of our team & I feel mistreated.” it was obvious that you were joking but neither Bucky nor Sam were in the mood to join you. After all, you should focus on the mission you had to successfully perform.
“Trouble in paradise?” Sam’s voice echoed through the ear piece.
“(Y/N) is being annoying.” Bucky breathed out with a shake of his head.
“I’m not.” you defended yourself. “As my boyfriend, you should…I don’t know, proudly show me off or something.” you mumbled, having a hard time to suppress a smirk.
“Nah, you can’t do that.” the super soldier had his hands on his hips, tongue darting out to lick his lips. Something he did to think, you found out.
“Can’t do what?” you dumbfoundedly eyed him up & down, a shit-eating grin now more than present.
“Pull the “boyfriend” card.” Bucky argued though it was not meant to be rude, you knew that much.
“Guys, come on. Focus.” Sam chimed in & heard you two cough as you regained your composure & shook off the last bits of fun before the real deal started. “By the way, I called in some backup.”
“Dude’s learning.” you whispered & giggled when you noticed Bucky’s small smile. Suddenly, you felt like you were being watched but there was not enough time to voice your concerns before a voice behind you spoke up.
“Excuse me, sir. Ma’am.” it was enough for you two to spin around. “Are you supposed to be here?” you were certain that you appeared like a deer in headlights & the stranger caught you so off guard, you could not even form a coherent answer. You released a deep breath the moment the man raised his hand & showed off his true identity.
“It’s me.” Sharon said, taking off her mask in the process.
“Sharon?” your question was unnecessary, you were aware but you were too shocked to greet her any differently.
“What the hell are you doing here?” basically, Bucky asked what you wanted to, he simply found better words.
“Relax. No one’s looking for me here.” she eased your mind. It was a subtle movement, her hand resting on Bucky’s shoulder & yet there was a pang of jealousy when she did that. When you staring at her became too much & she detected the meaning behind your eyes, all she did was smirking at you, retreating her arm.
“Is that Sharon?” Sam joined your conversation. Sometimes, you forgot that he could hear every single word you muttered.
“Unfortunately.” the super soldier replied with a hint of annoyance. The three of you came to a fast halt.
“Hey, Sam.” Sharon greeted him as if her presence was not special though it was. And unexpected if you were entirely honest. “I thought I’d get the band back together.”
“Thank you. You’re risking a lot coming here.” Sam sounded sincere. Yet, there was this small voice in the back of your mind that yelled at you that something was odd about this situation. Should you listen to it?
“I hear pardons aren’t all they’re cracked up to be anyway.” she brushed him off casually.
“Depends on the therapist.” Bucky responded. You slapped his shoulder lightly.
“Buck.” was it a warning? You were not even sure yourself. Whatever it was, it seemed fitting at the time being.
“They’ll move on the building soon. Be ready.” Sam informed you & you found yourself nodding despite him not being able to see your motions. Sharon left you two standing & you stopped Bucky before he could follow her. His head turned to you, a confused expression on his face.
“What?” he inquired when you made no move to explain yourself. Just as you wanted to declare your strange feeling concerning Sharon arriving in the States so suddenly, you held back because you remembered that you were still connected together.
“Nothing.” you mumbled, walking past Bucky but he had none of it. He grasped onto your shoulders gently but with enough force to make you stop.
“Something’s wrong.” he commented with soft eyes that almost had you succumbing. Almost.
“Finger’s crossed it isn’t.” was all you gave him & he dropped the topic. His plan was to ask you after this mission. For now, you had other issues to deal with.
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“Sharon, Bucky, (Y/N). What’s going on on your end?” Sam needed an update.
“Nothing. All quiet.” Bucky wasted no time with answering, keeping his voice low & steady.
“No one’s moving toward the building.” Sharon’s statement left another rush of uneasiness inside of you. How you wished you could turn off your racing thoughts but what you were about to do, the future of this country, of the world, depended on it.
“Karli’s not coming in. She’s trying to force everybody out.” Sam concluded.
“Why?” you asked though you did not expect anyone to enlighten you.
“You guys are gonna have to do something.” by the tone of Sam’s voice, you assumed that he was busy fighting someone off. You simply hoped that one person was enough to win. “Don’t let ‘em outta the building.”
“Hey, Bucky?” you walked through the metal detector first. He hummed for you to continue. “You think they’re gonna let you pass?” you laughed when you heard him scoff behind you. He rolled his eyes & graciously started his steps & it was your turn to scoff when the alarm went off. His face was priceless but you had to concentrate again. If you did not, lives could be at risk.
“Why are you my girlfriend again?” he asked, passing you & looking around to scan the area.
“I wasn’t the one putting a label on it.” you shrugged & coughed when Sharon raised her eyebrows & flickered her eyes between Bucky & you.
“Here’s one of them.” Bucky ignored the topic, gestured & you followed his line of sight, discerning the person he was referring to. “I’ll get the evac. Doll?” he shot you a glance over his shoulder & you nodded at him. Jogging up so you could mimic his pace. By now, it was no surprise that Bucky kept you close at all times. You had become his top priority & if you were not safe, he would freak out. To him, you only ever were safe if he was nearby & you were not one to disagree with him there. After all, you appreciated his protective side even if it could get overwhelming from time to time.
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Your steps were fast paced, you almost could not keep up but you had one goal in mind & in order to achieve it, you had to lay your comforts aside for a while. Whether you liked it or not. A woman approached you, stretching out her arm, clutching a phone in her hands.
“Mr. Barnes. Ms. (Y/L/N). It’s Karli.” she informed & you immediately liked her because she addressed you not like the officers had failed to only minutes prior. Bucky contemplated for a second but ended up grabbing the phone from her hand anyway. Instead of raising it to his ear, he put it on speaker so you were engaged in the conversation as well.
“Karli?” he asked even though he knew who on the other end was. For now, you decided to stay silent.
“Aren’t you tired of fighting for the wrong side?” she almost mocked.
“I’ve done this before, kid.” he scoffed & motioned for you to keep walking. “I know how it ends.”
“It doesn’t matter if I don’t survive this.” her statement shocked you to say the least. She was so young, yet ready to die.
“But it does.” you corrected her with certainty.
“I’m fighting for something bigger than myself.” her voice changed, now sharper than before. “With all the bodies you’ve collected, have you ever been able to say the same?”
“Karli, don’t do this.” you shook your head & closed your eyes to collect your thoughts before you said something you would regret later on. “Don’t you think we ever fought for something bigger than ourselves?”
“That’s all I ever tried to do.” Bucky added. “And I failed twice.” you sent him a sympathetic smile because you knew that he still struggled with his past. So did you. You were a couple with a whole lot of baggage. Trying to dispose of it slowly by assisting each other. Fortunately, it worked. While you were not nearly at the end of your journey, at least you finally started. Things had to look up from now on.
“Karli, it isn’t too late.” but it seemed like your words were bound to get ignored.
“It’s been too late for months now.” she spat out & you groaned internally. Changing her perspective was probably one of the hardest tasks.
“You think your cause justifies all this death, but in the end, the nightmares won’t go away. You’re gonna remember all the ones you killed. Trust me.”
“Don’t do this.” you repeated your words, emphasizing every single one so maybe the point you were trying to get across would reach her somehow.
“Don’t go down this path.” Bucky finished, your eyes met briefly. Emotions buried deep down in his, in yours. In the end, you were fighting for the same thing. At least, that was what you hoped. There was silence on the other end & for a second, you believed that she contemplated your words.
“If that’s how you both feel, you should sit this one out.” so she was not planning on changing her views, it sounded.
“Come on, you know we ain’t gonna do that.” he whispered but clear enough for everyone to hear.
“Well, thank you.” it surprised & confused you. “I’m glad you took my call. You’ve been a big help.”
“Fuck.” you sighed after Karli ended the call. Bucky nudged you with his elbow, signaling that there was no time for breaks. Not now. Probably not for a while. He sprinted off & you followed close behind. Your body screamed at you to stop running all the time but you could not. You had a mission. And you had to make it out alive. Your body just had to come later, you figured.
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You arrived down in the garage safely. Your lungs were protesting, burning, begging for you to stop. The cold breeze of the night helped soothing you a little. Bucky‘s gaze was fixed on a motorcycle & he headed for it with determination. You kept your distance, fearing his next suggestion. Only when he missed your presence next to him did he turn around.
“You in for a ride?” but he immediately stopped in his tracks when he spotted your scared expression. “What?”
“A ride? Sure. Just not on this thing.” you joked, hoping it would hide the anxiety that had begun building up.
“Guys, we don’t have time to discuss your preferred rides. (Y/N), I’m talking to you.” another warning from Sam.
“Sorry, Wilson.” you apologized with a hint of embarrassment.
“It’s a motorcycle.” Bucky argued, not understanding why you made such a big deal out of seemingly nothing.
“Exactly my point.” your body stood its ground, not moving to get closer, not even a step. “It’s dangerous, Buck.”
“I’m the one controlling it? You gotta trust me a bit more, doll.” he winked at you & usually, it would have eased the tension. Were it not for your heartrate still being too high by merely thinking about hopping onto a motorcycle.
“It’s not that I don’t trust you.” a loud, frustrated sigh escaped your lips. “I simply don’t trust that thing.”
“That’s cool. But we don’t have time. So get your ass over here, hop on & hold onto me as tightly as you need.” his words were sharp & you heard the demand in them. Which left you no choice but to obey. You did trust Bucky & the mission was bigger than your stupid fear. The seat behind the super soldier was still empty & it only took one last pat from him until you finally got seated yourself. He took your arms & wrapped them around his torso, telling you to keep them there this entire time. All you could do was weakly nodding, pressing your forehead against his back to block out your surroundings. The engine whirred to life & before you had time to process anything, the two of you took off with a pace that was too fast for you but you could not change a thing anyway. You could tell that Bucky had full control over the motorbike’s movements. He did not just accelerate carelessly, he slowed down when he took a turn & when people were in the way. And maybe because he did not want you to freak out. Truthfully, you would have jogged the way over there but the faster way was Bucky’s plan. Of course it was.
“Bucky.” Sam grunted over the comms.
“I don’t fly, man. That’s your thing.” thank the Gods that the super soldier was the one to reply because you did not trust your own voice at the moment. Still clutching his torso like your life depended on it.
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“Now, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” you stood up with wobbly legs & brushed your hands over your thighs as a form of distraction. You guys parked a block down so your entrance could be undetected.
“I thought I could hear you screaming into my back the entire ride but it could have been the wind.” he pretended to think about it, trying his best to hide his amused smirk.
“Oh, it definitely was. I was totally cool on there. Like, incredibly, totally cool.” you emphasized & heard Bucky chuckle at your rambling. Seemed like you were pretty shaken up still but he was nice enough to not comment on it. For now. The teasing would follow after all of this was over.
“Sure thing, doll. I’m proud of you for pushing through. Sam? My girlfriend’s a badass.” one of his hands raised to his ear as he spoke the last part. And while Sam did not necessarily give you an answer, you listened to him laughing on the other end.
“Wilson.” you hoped your tone was threatening enough but you failed miserably. After another sigh, you changed the topic. “Don’t we have a mission to perform?”
“So they’re right around the corner.” Bucky whispered, leaning closer to you. “I’ll go in first, you surprise them a couple of seconds later, alright?” you nodded & waited for him to make the first step. A few seconds of silent preparation went by & you focused solely on your hands. This time, it did not take long until the small sparks transformed into bright, hot flames. Bucky ran towards one of the Flag Smasher while you remained in your hiding spot. Only when your opponent was shoved to the ground did you sprint off yourself. Keeping yourself on the side so nobody expected your entrance. The light radiating from your hands gave you away, unfortunately, but it seemed like they were too busy to fully notice you joining their fight. You helped Bucky right before the Flag Smasher could land a punch, pushing him away with all of your force. He grunted, flying backwards. An explosion in the near distance caught your attention. One of the trucks was on fire & people were still trapped in there. If you did not work fast, you would be too late to rescue them. Bucky & you managed to get rid of the enemy for now. You sprinted over to the fire & winced when the screams from inside the car increased steadily. Using all of his strength, the super soldier attempted to rip the doors open but they were sealed. With what exactly, you were not sure.
“Hold on.” Bucky yelled though you assumed nobody made out his words in the chaos you all found yourselves in. An idea popped into your head.
“Wait! Let me…” he stepped aside so you had enough space to pull through with whatever you thought could help. Your hands rested on the metal that was the cause of locking the people inside. Hoping that the heat was enough to melt it & to rip it off easily. Indeed, only a few moments after & you watched it slowly disintegrate. The remaining material was teared off by Bucky’s metal arm that opened the doors a second later. Everyone was alive & you would have helped your boyfriend with releasing them from the truck safely but your powers kind of did not allow you that.
“Go! Go!” Bucky yelled & only halted when the last person grabbed his arm. They locked eyes for a second.
“Thank you for saving us.” you could not help the genuine smile forming. He needed to hear words like these. Not only from his best friends, but from complete strangers as well. Bucky was perplex but regained his composure quickly.
“Actually, (Y/N) here helped me.” he pointed over to you & you waved, moving your flames in the process.
“Nah, give him all the credit.” you winked & saw the stranger nod. Another thank you came from him, this time for the both of you, & he left, running after the others.
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Your focus returned to the Flag Smasher you abandoned before your little rescue mission. A punch from you, one from Bucky & he flew against a metal fence, clearly dizzy by the impact. But he did not give up just yet. Standing up again, he was ready to continue the battle. Though he was definitely outmanned. And his only chance was to grab a solid metal rod & try his luck with it. Seemed like he had not learned by now. You clutched it with both of your hands, gripping it tightly & heating it up in the process so he had no other option but to let it slip from his fingers. It was fine until it was not anymore. Karli & her members joined you all & you had to fight the urge to groan. Now, you were the ones outmanned & if your calculations were correct, you had no chance to finish them successfully. Though you were right next to Bucky, nobody could have seen the kicks from them coming. They hit you in union. The groans were no longer silent & as you fell backwards, Bucky wrapped an arm around your waist, using his metal arm to cushion the impact. Without luck. Before you even knew it, the two of you fell off of a…cliff? You fell, that was the only important thing. In your head, you believed this was the last time you would ever fall down somewhere. But somehow, & you had no idea how he managed that, Bucky turned you around so you did not meet the ground but his chest. It hurt like a bitch, there was no denying that. But at least you did not kiss the pavement because then you could have kissed your death as well.
“You good?” his voice was hoarse, clearly hurt by the drop.
“Are you?” you shot a question back, aware that, even as a super soldier, you did not just walk something like this off so casually.
“I’m alive.” he shrugged, helping you up. Your muscles were sore & bruises would start forming soon. Then again, it was the same old with this job. And of course, another great thing about your profession, there were no breaks. Tilting your head upwards, you saw one of the Flag Smashers jumping down like it was nothing, still eager to fight you two off. He used a stone something as a shield & pressed it against your form. Your arms were restricted, you could not move them to the surface. But wait a second. Your flames. Bucky wrapped his arm around you during your fall. Where were your hands in the process? You most likely hurt your boyfriend again but he did not let you know because he did not want you to feel guilty. Too late. Right now, though, you had to get rid of that asshole. Luckily, Bucky freed you out of your hold & he definitely was less than pleased about this situation. You had seen him mad before but this was another level. Not that you minded too much. It was a welcomed trait that benefited during fights. One last hard punch & the Flag Smasher was unconscious. About damn time, you thought.
“That was kinda impressive.” your breathing was still labored & you savored the short break you had.
“Happens if someone pulls shit like that.” Bucky explained as his eyes met yours.
“I hurt you, didn’t I?” your voice grew more silent, head hanging low.
“Doll, hey.” he approached you & placed his hand on your chin so your gaze would meet once again. “It didn’t even sting. See?” he gestured to his body & your eyes followed his movements. It did not look like he was hurt but you were aware that you did touch him & the only obvious outcome was for him to feel it.
“I’m sorr-“ you could not even finish before he pressed his lips to yours in a soft & meaningful kiss. Maybe not the smartest idea to share kisses in the midst of a battle but deep down, you knew that you needed this form of reassurance from Bucky. Because one of your greatest fears was hurting someone you truly cared for. You no longer were a killer, that was in the past. Now, even hurting people, no matter how small the injury seemed, was a tough task for you. A loud crash came from above & forced you to pull away from each other. A car was hanging over the abyss. Down here, you could not come to their rescue like you did before. You simply prayed that someone would help them. You flinched back when the car slipped a little further down. Bucky & you exchanged a worried look but you both knew you could not change anything. Not from where you were standing. Your eyes widened when the truck slowly got out of your view. Which meant that someone was pulling it back. Your eyes then flickered to a piece of metal which fell down a few inches away from you. It was Captain America’s shield but it was not Captain America’s shield. It was a wannabe version, much like John Walker had been…John Walker. That son of a bitch. Needless to say, you two still were not the best of friends. Better said, you despised him. All of him. He did gain the tiniest bit of your respect because he saved those people.
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It should have been fine but when was it ever? Just as you believed that those people were rescued, three fighters jumped down the cliff, John included. So nobody else was guarding the truck & by the looks of it, it would drop to the ground in a few seconds. Shit. This was something you did not want to happen. All you could do was watch the chaos from down there. Just as the truck went to a free fall, Sam Wilson, Captain America, wearing his brand new suit pushed the car to a safe position. Your eyes sparkled, a grin grew at the corners of your lips. Sam saved them. At the end of the day, it was him. Your only true Cap. No Walker who struggled with detecting the line. Again, the fight did not stop. With too many Flag Smashers surrounding you, you relied on the one person you wanted to hate with everything that you got. John. Bucky helped him off the ground & you rolled your eyes when Walker sent you a shit-eating grin. You focused on your enemies before you made the mistake of not paying attention & getting hurt in the process. So it was you who realized Karli throwing a spear your way. Your reflexes were good enough to catch it with ease, shooting the men behind you an amused look over your shoulder.
“You’re welcome.” you joked but collected yourself again right away. Not the right timing for your sarcasm. Your head turned & therefore you did not see Bucky’s proud face as his eyes watched your every movement. He was completely smitten by you & it only seemed to expand as time went on. Sam’s shield joining you all startled you. He managed to knock out all of them with one throw & you gave him an approving smirk. Wilson landed in front of you & were it not for your current position, you would have freaked out over his entrance. That was superhero like. Well, he was one, after all.
“You of all people bought into that bullshit?” Karli pushed herself off the ground, removing her mask & revealing a sort of betrayed expression.
“I’m trying something different. Maybe you should do the same.” Sam countered. The conversation was interrupted by a loud explosion. Great, your ears were ringing like crazy. What was that about the break? Seemed like it was over now. When smoke around you started forming, you knew you were in deeper shit than previously thought. Instinctively, you searched out Bucky’s presence. This time, you made sure to dispose of your flames. His warm hand met yours in the fog & your fingers intertwined, not wanting to lose the other one.
“This way.” Sam waited until most of the mist had disintegrated. Not one to disobey your Captain’s order, you trailed behind, staying close together.
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“Hey, Sharon. We’re underground. We entered the tunnel on William. Heading south.” Bucky informed her through your ear pieces. Right, there was this sinking feeling about Sharon you still needed to speak about. There had yet to come the right timing for that. You jogged alongside Bucky & John, Sam ahead of you, leading you through the somewhat unfamiliar area.
“Looks like they spilt up. Here.” Sam motioned for you to have a look. Walker immediately took the turn, leaving you three behind dumbfounded.
“I got it.” Bucky stated but you held him back.
“People in horror movies do the same thing & end up being killed. Maybe we should take a breather & think of a plan before we come rushing in blindly.” you had a good point & Sam contemplated your words.
“We can’t let John run on his own.” Bucky reasoned & you hated that he was right.
“I could join you, Sam. Groups of two, sounds like the best idea.” in your head, it had already been decided but sometimes you forgot that you were not the only stubborn member of this group.
“(Y/N), you come with me. Sam can handle himself.” the super soldier held out his hand for you to grab but you made no move to stretch out yours, expectantly looking at Wilson.
“Don’t look at me like that.” Sam raised his hands defensively. “If your boyfriend wants you with him I’m not gonna mess with that.”
“Seriously?” you sighed in frustration. The men stood their ground, you rolled your eyes & began walking in the same direction John headed off to.
“She’s mad at you, Buck.” Sam pointed out as if it was not obvious.
“Yeah, thanks for that.” Bucky put his hands on his hips, tilting his head backwards briefly.
“Don’t blame me. I would’ve let her tag along with me.” he argued back. “Come on, stay close. And take care. Of (Y/N), I mean. What you do with yourself is none of my business.”
“I appreciate your concerns.” & with that Bucky jogged after you, hoping he did not waste too much time.
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Your mood turned sour because first of all, you teamed up with John once again & second of all, Bucky made a wrong decision with not allowing you to join Sam. Yeah, you always felt safer & more protected with your super soldier boyfriend by your side but you were four people. Four. So it would have made sense if you decided to head off with two groups of two. You knew your idea was the best in this situation. And you were mad that private stuff got mixed up with work. That one thing you had always feared. If something happened to Sam, you would not be able to live with the guilt. Not only would you blame Bucky but yourself because you were strong enough to have your own mind & decide what was best for you. Again, wrong timing. Mission. You had to focus on the damn mission.
“(Y/N)! How’re you doing?” John whispered while you cleared the area. Did you mention that you were in a bad mood?
“One more word from your side & you won’t be doing so well.” your smile was dangerously sweet & it stopped John from inquiring any further.
“Yeah, Walker. Careful there.” Bucky joked & now, you truly were seething. Maybe you should leave those two children alone & search for Sam. He would be the one to calm you down.
“Bucky.” you growled which surprised him. “Ayo showed me how to get rid of your freaking arm. And I’m this close to actually going through with it.” yep, you definitely were mad. And Bucky was aware that he was the reason for it. He needed to talk to you as soon as this situation decided to settle down. But for now, you kept jogging through the labyrinth of the tunnel. Hoping you would leave it successfully without any more bruises or injuries. Or worse.
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“Mercy bears richer fruit than strict justice.” John had the audacity to say & you were not even allowed to punch him in the face. Actually, you were ashamed to have him on your side. Whatever changed his mind after literally going apeshit.
“It’s a great app.” Bucky interrupted & showed the rest of the Flag Smashers the phone that helped you finding them. Sirens surrounded you, officers wherever you glanced. They had no chance but to stop now. “Thank you.” he joked & walked off, John & you following his steps. Leaving the officers to do their job without being in the way.
“Please tell me you didn’t quote Lincoln.” you breathed out when you were too far away for anyone else to listen in on your conversation.
“Great man. Great quote.” John reasoned.
“Then why the hell did you quote him? Honestly, that was worse than embarrassing.” you were still angry & you had not forgotten how John had treated you before.
“Look, (Y/N)…I don’t expect you to like me.” Walker stopped shortly & waited for Bucky & you to do the same. Your arms crossed over your chest, eyebrows raised.
“Good, ‘cause I won’t.” you shot back. Bucky snickered but did not add anything. Simply because you were still less than pleased about the stupidity of the super soldier.
“I’m sorry. For everything. “ Walker sounded sincere but you could not focus on the honesty of his words.
“John…” you sighed & shook your head annoyingly. “You can’t just apologize & expect me to be cool right away. Besides, I’m SO not in the mood to talk to you.” you turned to face Bucky. “OR to you. So if you excuse me, I’ll check that Sam didn’t get hurt because a certain someone can’t separate feelings from important work missions.” it was not often that you were so cold, especially not with Bucky. They contemplated running after you but ended up giving you a head start. Clearly, you had to be alone for the time being & having company would only lengthen the process of being furious.
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The scene in front of you resembled like something you had seen in a movie. Sam landed, carrying Karli in his arms. She was dead. Whatever happened back there, things got out of hand & she did not make it out alive. Tears formed at the corners of your eyes. What if? What if you did not listen to Bucky & joined Sam instead? Would Karli still be alive? Would she be breathing? Was it partly your fault? It was. Another thing just got added to your plate but what was new? Bucky watched you closely & you felt him staring holes into the side of your head. If you met his gaze, you would break down. Because the fight was over, right? This heavy weight should have been lifted from your form so why did it feel like it was so much heavier all of a sudden? Guilt. You were feeling guilty. Sam handed Karli to the paramedics. Carefully, as if she was the most fragile thing in this universe. You detected the hurt beneath his eyes, the deeper emotions he did not want anyone else to see. But he was one of your best friends. His body language spoke for itself. Wilson approached the flood of reporters & how badly you wished that he was the one to deserve a break now. After everything he had to endure, he needed a minute or two to breathe. But Captain America always had to work, right?
“What happened to the Flag Smashers?” an interviewer asked curiously.
“When did the government make you Captain America?” a stupid question, really.
“Is it still Falcon?” another one.
“Or is it Captain Falcon?” & another one added. Wilson was tired, you could tell. And you wanted nothing more than to provide him with the tiniest bit of comfort with a hug. A simple, good old hug. Because it seemed like that was exactly what he needed.
“Sam, thank you so much, from all of us.” Ayla, the woman who controlled the helicopter earlier today said.
“Sincerely.” the Senator added. “You did your part in dealing with those terrorists, now we’ll do ours.”
“Are you still going forward with resetting the borders?” Sam inquired. You knew what would happen next. You simply hoped people would understand the real issue. But with Wilson…Captain America being the one explaining everything, you should be safe. Hopefully.
“Our peacekeeping troops will begin relocating people soon. The terrorists only set us back a bit.” that was not the answer he was hoping for, that much was clear.
“You have to stop calling them terrorists.” Sam shook his head in disbelief.
“What else would we call them?” the Senator chimed in.
“Your peacekeeping troops carrying weapons are forcing millions of people into settlements around the world, right?” Wilson asked though he knew the answer to that one, so he continued. And the reporters all pointed their cameras at him while he did so. “What do you think those people are gonna call you? These labels, “terrorists”, “refugee”, “thug”, they’re often used to get around the question, why?”
“Those settlements that happened five years ago, do you think it is fair for governments to have to support them?” one woman tried arguing.
“Yes.” his answer came immediately. Certainly.
“And the people who reappeared only to find someone else living in their family home, they just end up homeless?” another question from the Senator. “Look, I get it. But you have no idea how complicated this situation is.”
“You know what? You’re right.” Wilson admitted. “And that’s a good thing. We finally have a common struggle now. Think about that. For once, all the people who’ve been begging, & I mean, literally begging for you to feel how hard any given day is…Now you know. How did it feel to be helpless? Now if you could remember what it was like to be helpless & face a force so powerful it could erase half the planet, you would know that you’re about to have the exact same impact. This isn’t about easy decisions, Senator.”
“You just don’t understand.” he rudely interrupted Sam’s important speech.
“I’m a Black man carrying the stars & stripes. What don’t I understand? Every time I pick this thing up, I know there are millions of people out there who are gonna hate me for it. Even now, here…I feel it. The stares, the judgment. And there’s nothin’ I can do to change it. Yet, I’m still here. No super serum, no blonde hair, or blue eyes. The only power I have is that I believe we can do better. We can’t demand that people step up if we don’t meet them halfway. Look, you control the banks. Shit, you can move borders! You can knock down a forest with an email, you can feed a million people with a phone call. But the question is, who’s in the room when you’re makin’ those decisions? Hmm? Is it the people you’re gonna impact? Or is it just more people like you? I mean, this girl died trying to stop you, & no one has stopped for one second to ask why. You’ve gotta do better, Senator. You’ve gotta step up. Because if you don’t, the next Karli will. And you don’t wanna see 2.0. People believed in her cause so much that they helped her defy the strongest governments in the world. Why do you think that is? Look, you people just have as much power as an insane god or a misguided teenager. The question you have to ask yourself is, “How are you going to use it?”.” throughout his entire speech, there was not a single time his words did not reach you somewhere deep. He walked off, leaving behind a bunch of dumbfounded reporters & higher-ups. Quickly, before anyone could notice, you wiped away the tears that had rolled down your cheeks. A deep breath later & you felt comfortable enough to face all of them. Sam nodded at John who did not make a move. Not a single one. Until his head nodded. Barely visible but there nevertheless. Then, he made his way over to Bucky & you. There was still a good amount of space between you two.
“Sorry, I was, uh, I was texting & so, all I heard was, um, “a Black guy in stars & stripes”." Bucky played it off & the three of you chuckled though you still had a hard time doing so. “Nice job, Cap.” & you could have sworn that your heart burst at his words.
“Thanks.” Sam looked proud & he had every right to. A small pat on his shoulder from Bucky before he turned around to face you. After all, there had been nothing but silence from you ever since he walked with you again.
“Do you prepare those? Like, do you have little cards you study each morning during breakfast?” you wiggled your eyebrows. To you, it was the easiest way to ignore the bad thoughts inside your mind.
“It was totally improvised.” he joined your teasing & made you laugh.
“Improvised my ass, Samuel.” you laughed & he & Bucky soon followed. “Come here.” you opened your arms & waited for him to step closer. The hug was what you all needed. “I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks, (Y/N).” he pecked your cheek shortly & released you from his hold.
“Are you done being mad at me?” your head snapped in Bucky’s direction.
“Wait…You’re still mad at him? I’m fine, (Y/N).” Sam assured you but it was not the only thing bothering you & both of them were aware of that as well.
“I’m still mad indeed.” your head tilted to the side, contemplating your next move.
“What can I do to make it up to you?” Bucky got closer, carefully taking one of your hands in his own. And you let it happen. Because you were so, so tired.
“I don’t know…kiss me or something.” your lips lifted in a sly smile & you loved watching Bucky mimic your expression.
“Okay, that’s my cue to leave.” Sam rambled & left you two alone to do whatever you needed to do.
“Doll.” Bucky sighed, seemingly annoyed by himself. “I’m sorry. I am. You know why I wanted you with me.”
“Of course I do. And I always feel protected with you by my side. It’s just-“ you got interrupted.
“I know…I know.” he pulled you closer to his chest, lingering there for too long if unaware bystanders were watching. But you could not care less. When he released you, he cupped your cheeks & kissed you like he had never before. It was as if he felt your mental turmoil & wanted to help you to dispose of those thoughts. Of the guilt. Of everything bad you had ever encountered. He wanted to replace the painful memories with everything you two had shared. Every smile, touch, sarcastic conversation. And frankly, it worked. Maybe just for a short while but it worked. And for that you were entirely grateful.
***divider***
“Sharon?” you heard Sam ask & took that as a sign that the intimacy between Bucky & you had to come to an abrupt end. Right, Sharon.
“Blocking my light.” she joked, putting pressure onto her wound.
“We gotta get you to a hospital.” Wilson told her but she had none of it.
“She’s not gonna listen.” Bucky sighed & obviously, he was right with that assumption.
“Hey, it’s not the worst thing that’s happened to me all week.” seemed like she took the hit with ease.
“Told you.” Bucky mumbled & you had to giggle.
“Sharon, for real…” you started but could not finish.
“What, (Y/N)? Something you wanna tell me?” if only she knew. But you would not. Not with Sam & Bucky listening.
“Uh, Cap?” a stranger called for Wilson.
“I think he’s talking to you.” Sharon commented. “Look, I’m sorry for how things ended down there. For what it’s worth, suit looks good on you.”
“Thanks.” Sam chuckled.
“Alright, look, can we get out of here, please.” Bucky sounded desperate to leave the scene & truthfully, so did you.
“I didn’t forget my promise.” Sam spoke up one last time before walking over to the man who wanted to talk to him. Bucky, Sharon & you turned around, nodding, but kept on walking a second later. You had to talk to Sharon. Alone. Though you were not sure if Bucky was planning on letting you out of his sight.
***divider***
“Buck?” he hummed for you to continue. “Could you please get us some water real quick?” you were indirectly asking him to give you a minute with Sharon. And he did not argue with you. After all, you were old friends. You watched him leave & coughed when the silence became almost unbearable.
“Spit it out.” she rolled her eyes, still clutching her wound.
“What game are you playing, Sharon?” straight away, you went for the one thing you truly wanted to know.
“Excuse me?” she knew exactly what you were asking for but she decided to play dumb.
“Something’s off. I know you better than this. But I’m not sure what’s wrong. Not yet, at least.” you shrugged your shoulders.
“Oh, you know me? Do you now?” she teased but you really were not in the mood for jokes.
“I’ll keep an eye on you.” you warned her.
“Keep an eye on your boyfriend. Bucky needs the attention.” & that was the moment the super soldier returned. Shooting a confused glance between Sharon & you. He stretched out two bottles of water & you thanked him quietly.
“I need attention?” Bucky asked, not really sure what you had been discussing.
“Apparently.” you decided to play along. But your warning was not an empty promise. Your gut feeling told you that something was different about Sharon & you would try your very best to figure out her secret.
***divider***
You leaned against a car as you waited for Sam to come back. Bucky was talking to some officers which left you alone with your thoughts. A very dangerous thing considering the dark place that was your mind.
“She didn’t die because of you, you know?” the familiar voice of Sam startled you.
“Hmm?” it took you a bit until his words had processed. “…Yeah.” you mumbled, keeping your gaze down.
“(Y/N).” he tried once again, taking a seat right next to you on the hood.
“No, I know.” you shook your head, getting rid of all of your worries. Which did not really work, unfortunately.
“She didn’t. I need you to know that.” one of his arms rested around your shoulders & he squeezed you to the side of his body.
“The guilt never stops.” you whispered & Sam knew exactly what you were referring to. Not only Karli but everyone you had ever harmed in your past. Everyone who got hurt or killed because of you. Because of your powers that you hated like nothing else.
“I’m here for you. If you need someone to talk to.” he offered & you genuinely smiled at him. When your eyes flickered up to his, he spotted how glossy yours were. “Bucky! Your girl needs you.” & not even a second later, the super soldier was at your side & took you into a hug when he noticed the first tears falling. The healing process was nowhere near done. But it had started & this was the most important step. Because you did want to get better.
***divider***
Bucky had asked you to tag along for his long overdue apology. The building was familiar now, you recalled the hallway & the right door to his apartment. Bucky needed you with him for support & of course you would not let him do something as significant as this alone. As you came to a halt in front of the closed door, you did not rush him. He should do this in his pace. He knocked shortly after that. You heard the lock & were met with Bucky’s old friend…they were friends, you figured.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” the question was directed at both of you though you really had no reason but being Bucky’s supporter. “It’s late, come in before someone call the cops.” he ushered you both inside & you were immediately met with a warmth that made the previous goosebumps disappear. “What are you doing here? It’s not Wednesday.” you had to chuckle at this observation.
“I, uh, I have to tell you something. About your son.” Bucky struggled to find the right words, you could tell.
“And the lady?” the old man gestured to your figure.
“Bucky asked me to tag along.” because why would you lie about this? There was literally no need to. The three of you sat down & you watched Bucky remove his gloves, revealing his metal arm.
“He was murdered.” the super soldier began, voice cracking every so often.
“What?” he replied, confused.
“By the Winter Soldier.” he did not refer to himself when he talked about his past anymore & to say you were incredibly proud of him would be an understatement. “And that was me.” you wrapped your arms around his torso, hoping it would help him to stay strong.
“Why?” it was a legitimate question. If you were in his position you probably would have asked the same.
“I didn’t have a choice.” the emotions in his words broke your heart & you gave him a short squeeze. Silently telling him that it was okay. There was one last step Bucky wanted to make. And that was to leave his therapist a little present behind. After you exited the apartment again, the two of you walked to Dr. Raynor’s office. It was late, nobody would see you walk in. You smiled at Bucky from afar as he put the book he got from Steve inside a small striped paper bag. You wrote her name on a little note & handed it to Bucky so he could fix it onto the handle.
***divider***
You entered Bucky’s apartment after him, closing the door behind you as quietly as possible. It felt so familiar, you knew every corner, simply because you had been here a thousand times. Yet, you did not move further into the room. It was the first time you were here after you & Bucky became…something. A couple. So, as familiar as it was, it was just as unusual. And he sensed your changed demeanor almost immediately. Turning around, he found you fiddling with your fingers, eyes trained down on your movements. Attempting to keep your breathing even, though he could tell that it was a hard task for you in this very moment.
“Talk to me.” he urged, wanting to take you into his arms but keeping his distance.
“It’s just…” you sighed & scratched the back of your neck. “Is that it?”
“What?” he furrowed his eyebrows, unsure what you were telling him.
“I mean…” your fingers pointed between Bucky & you. “This.”
“Is that what you want it to be?” he carefully asked. After all, Bucky kind of labeled your relationship without any signs from you.
“…No.” you admitted, voice barely above a whisper. You noticed him approaching you. Your gaze flickered up & it took your breath away to look into his blue eyes. A move you had done multiple times before but it always felt like the very first.
“Then that’s not it.” he assured you, resting his hands on your shoulders.
“Will this work?” you had to know because if that was a work relationship, you were not sure if you could live with the rejection.
“It’s been working, hasn’t it?” Bucky shrugged, a small & gentle smile on his lips.
“I guess so.” you nodded once & after a short pause, again. With more certainty this time. “Yeah, it…it works.”
“Good, then let’s keep it that way.” he closed the gap between you two, pressing his lips onto yours with more passion. With a hint of lust. Truthfully, you knew where this was headed. After weeks of building tension, there was only one outcome. And you were far too gone to resist anymore. Besides, this was Bucky. Your trust in him was bigger than in anyone else. And, more importantly, it felt…right.
***divider***
Sam invited you two to a Wilson party that, like he had put it, would completely blow your minds. Big ego for Captain America but whatever. It was great to be back in Louisiana, with Sam's family. His friends, neighbors. With pretty much everybody. Of course, you could not show up without bringing something with you & you went for a delicious looking cake in the end. Bucky & you walked hand in hand to the party, his free one balancing the pastry. He only let go of you when Sam’s nephews came running up to you, excited that you were finally here. Your boyfriend was great with kids & maybe, maybe, your imagination went a bit further. Maybe, one day, you would start your own family. With Bucky, that thought did not seem too far away.
“Where is everybody?” Bucky made his presence known & raised his hand to remove his sunglasses. You trailed behind, giggling at his childish behavior. But then again, that was why you loved him so much. Yes, you loved him. It took a lot of time & convincing from pretty much everyone around you but you finally came to the conclusion. You were in love with Bucky. And you knew that he reciprocated. The two of you had danced around your feelings way too long & had wasted a lot of time that you could have spent together. All of that no longer mattered. Because you lived in the present. Not in the past like you were used to. Not in the future, though you found yourself daydreaming about that every now & then.
“(Y/N)!” Sarah greeted you, taking you into a hug. Bucky looked hurt that she gave you her attention first but you knew she did that to mess with him.
“Good to see you again!” you smiled at her. “Where’s your brother?” you looked around to spot him in the crowd.
“Somewhere.” she shrugged. “Busy doing Captain America stuff, I guess.” you laughed & went to search for him.
“Sam!” you waved him over & his eyes sparkled when he noticed you. A quick hug as a greeting.
“You’re here! About damn time.” he joked.
“Hey, we aren’t that late.” you pointed out, checking the time & realizing that you were, in fact, pretty late. “Oh well, scratch that.”
“Where’s your cyborg boyfriend?” Sam glanced over your shoulder.
“A minute ago he tried to drown your nephew in whipping cream. Never mind, there he comes.” Bucky approached you two & gave Wilson a brotherly hug. The rest of the day was spent chatting, laughing, savoring. It was so rare, in a lifestyle as dangerous as yours, to take a break. Especially after everything you had been through in such a short period of time. For a brief moment, it appeared as if you were not Avengers. As if no threats were close by, jeopardizing your friends, family. The entire human population. Here, it was peaceful. And deep down, you prayed that your future would be easier. Not filled with endless fights & injured or dead people. All you wanted was to live a quiet life with Bucky, Sam, the rest of your friends. Like everyone else did. For example, going out for lunch. Grabbing coffee together. Meeting up for a stupidly boring game night that was everything but stupid or boring as long as the people you cared for were a part of it.
***divider***
“Doll.” Bucky interrupted your train of thought as he went looking for you down the pier where you had sneaked off to to get a bit of silence. You glanced over your shoulder, waiting for him to reach you. His hands settled on your waist, spinning you around so yours rested on his chest. Your fingers played with the fabric of his shirt. The two of you looked at each other like you were teenagers in love. And maybe you were. Because your relationship with Bucky felt exactly like that. Like your first love, the one you would never forget. You were not planning on letting him go anytime soon so there was no forgetting on your side. And definitely not on his side either. He was just as smitten & in love as you were. And, for the first time, you were happy. There were people out there who claimed that two lovers with mental demons could never work out. That at least one of them needed to have a healthy mind in order to make a relationship work. Yet, here you were. Pasts as dark as others could not even imagine. And you somehow made it work. Though you had no idea how, but it felt right & you were satisfied with the situation you found yourself in. The sun had started setting, the scenery surrounding you movie like. Unreal. Like a painting. Golden light illuminated your faces that were now only inches apart. The sea giving out a soothing tone, comforting your ears. Most importantly, the love of your life close to you, right by your side to experience it all with you. Sometimes, you needed to take risks. Sometimes, that was the only way to achieve something as beautiful as true love. Of course you could regret not giving in sooner. But you did not. No, you simply enjoyed every living second you could share with Bucky & he did the very same. You had been lost for most of your life, and now, suddenly, you were found. You were home. You had hope.
“I love you.” you whispered into the calm evening.
“I love you, too.” Bucky replied, mimicking your volume & closing the distance between you two. The kiss you shared was sweet, meaningful. There were no words needed. All that mattered was that you were ready to keep on doing what you did, as long as he was with you. As long as you had people who supported you & offered you their help when things got overwhelming.
You were in love. You were loved by someone. You had everything you had ever wished for.
~THE END~
Published (05/07/2021) by Cathy
✨MY Ko-fi PAGE✨
A/N: I usually don’t do these but since this is the finale of my biggest series, I thought it to be appropriate. First of all, when I published that first Chapter six weeks ago, I didn’t expect anyone to read it. Sure, there were a couple of people who showed interest but not hundreds. As you can imagine, the feedback has been incredible & overwhelming. Publishing something you’ve worked countless hours on & it being showered with love is one of the greatest experiences ever. Thanks for the ones who were here from the very beginning & thanks for the ones who only found my account & this series today. Every single one of you is the reason why I’m doing this. Your comments, reblogs, asks…all of it motivates me to keep on writing & improve my style. By no means am I perfect. English isn’t even my native language so mistakes are bound to happen. But I enjoy it & love the fact that you enjoy it, too. So…thanks again for this six-week-long journey. To many more! <3
Tags: @taina-eny, @tanyaherondale, @cool-ultra-nerd, @toribentleyva, @buckyandlokirunmylife, @annadier, @howlongtillidie, @mizz-kraziii, @theetherealbloom, @millenniumloki, @marvelbros-oneshots, @ajbwasnthere, @bilesxbilinskixlahey, @mystictimetravelcolor, @dbrees256, @sxpxrnxturxl, @dreamydreamerwriting, @dolllstyles, @angelicastiel, @prettysbliss, @infinitelyforgotten, @sweetserendipity65, @lilystilinskicullen, @partypoisonsblog, @btdsprayberry, @sarai-ibn-la-ahad, @deamus-liv, @simplybarnes, @sethcohenluvr, @sammypotato67, @toribentleyva, @farihafangirls, @earthtonav, @lilacs-lavender, @cherryblosom111, @harprs, @teti-menchon0604, @kinkmalfoy, @felicityofbakerstreet, @safiakillspop, @whatareyouhidingpeter, @twpkhes, @weareironmanbitches, @intothesoul, @bibliophilewednesday, @msmarvelsmain (you guys are the best, thanks for everything <3)
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Text
Saturday Night Special (Jensen Ackles x Reader)
[Actors-Masterlist]
Summary: Tonight would be your first time singing on stage. And if it were not enough, you wanted to dedicate your song to a special someone. Expressing your feelings was not one of your strengths but putting them into a song? That worked quite well.
Words: 2,339
Warnings: best friend!Rob, fluff, just a cute story with a lot of fluff, so much fluff, language, in this story you wrote “Song On Fire”, (Y/L/N) = your last name
Song used: “Song On Fire” by Nickelback
If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤
Another Convention weekend. Another Saturday. Which meant that the concert would be tonight. And you had asked the Swain boys if they could squeeze you into their set list. Wanting it to be a surprise, you begged them to keep quiet for now. Practicing was done in a room separate from where the others were.
“You wrote that?” Rob asked after you handed each of them a page with the notes & lyrics.
“Yeah?” suddenly, you were unsure. “Is it bad?” now growing concerned that maybe whatever you wrote was absolute crap.
“No, oh my God, not at all. This is perfect.” he was still eyeing the words closely. “We got this, right guys?” turning around to shoot a look at the rest of the band, you saw all of them nodding. Releasing a breath you did not know you were holding, you took a seat next to them & started explaining what you had in mind for your performance.
“So, I thought that you could maybe do some backing vocals, Robbie? I think I’d be less nervous if you did.”
“Of course, no problem.” immediately being on board, the two of you arranged who would sing what. Billy, Mike & Stephen were already onto practicing the notes & from what you had heard so far, it sounded great.
“I hope I won’t mess up.” chuckling quietly, you prayed that tonight would turn out to be fine. Suddenly, Rob’s eyes shot up to yours, shock written all over his features. “What?” you asked him when he did nothing but stare at you.
“This is about Jensen, isn’t it?” he hit the nail right on the head with his assumption. Rob had been one of your closest friends & it was hard to keep something from him. A while ago, he picked up on the fact that you liked Jensen. A lot. Of course he teased the living shit out of you, but he always made sure that he was serious about one thing. That you should tell him how you felt. Every time, you had reasoned that he could never like you back. Besides, you were horrible when it came to talking about your feelings. Obviously, Rob was aware of that. But the lyrics in front of him were proof enough.
“It doesn’t matter.” looking back down to your lap to focus your gaze on something else than Rob’s face.
“Yeah, it does.” he started. “’Cause he’ll realize it’s about him.” stating casually.
“And why is that?” furrowing your eyebrows & snapping your head back up again. The man in front of you simply rolled his eyes at your question.
“I’ve told you a million times that he likes you, too.” before you had time to disagree with him, he kept going. “And Jensen knows about you liking him.”
“Wait. How?” eyes growing wide at Rob’s statement, you believed that someone had spilled the beans to him. Not a lot of people knew about your crush. And if Rob told Jensen, he would not be alive much longer to experience tonight’s concert.
“You’re not really being subtle about it, you know?”
“Am I really that obvious?” sighing loudly, you put your face in your hands. Great, you had been embarrassing yourself for the longest time & nobody had mentioned it to you.
“Only if you pay close attention. Which Jensen does.” Rob’s eyes showed sincerity. Maybe he was right. And if he was not then Jensen would not understand the song. Win-win situation, right?
~at the concert~
The last notes of the song were played & you knew that it was your turn to hop on stage in a second. Nobody of the cast had a clue about you singing tonight. Now, being backstage, your nervousness was awful. Your hands were trembling & you were scared that you would forget the words. What if you embarrassed yourself in front of such a huge audience? Yes, Louden Swain was there to back you up but still. You were the one who had to deliver perfectly.
“Thanks guys. Actually, we have a little surprise tonight. Well, it’s not so little. You guys know that a lot of the cast joins us on stage every now & then. For this concert, we’ll have a debut. Someone who has never sung in front of people before. But we know that you love her a lot. (Y/N) (Y/L/N) everyone!” Rob yelled into the microphone & when he finished, the crowd broke out into cheers. The applause was insane. Nobody knew that you were that much into music.
Taking a deep breath, you started taking the steps to the stage. The curtain opened enough for you to walk through & immediately, you were blinded by the bright lights that illuminated the stage. Yet, your smile was wide. Risking a look to the side, you saw the rest of the cast with shocked faces, all watching you. Jensen was in front & for a second, your eyes locked. In this moment, the cheering of the crowd died down & you remembered who you were doing this for. Him. His smile was enough for you. Billy nudged you slightly & handed you a guitar. Thanking him quietly, you walked over to the microphone Rob had already prepared for you. His nod calmed you down. He knew you would be just fine.
“Um, hi guys. This is weird.” chuckling, the audience soon followed. “Like, I know I’m confident when it comes to panels & all…but standing here, knowing that I’m about to sing. Well, let’s just say I’m a little nervous.” your voice was shaking a little & your fans knew that it was not normal for you. Usually, you were the one to crack a joke, to throw in a sarcastic comment. Right now, though, you were stiff. “Anyway, enough of that crap.” laughing shortly. “Y’all wanna listen to some music, right?” the audience agreed loudly, whistles & cheers could be heard all across the room. “You haven’t heard this song yet. It’s an original, I wrote it not too long ago & I hope you’ll like it. This is called “Song On Fire”.” waiting for Stephen’s sign, you started off the song together. Playing the guitar quietly. And while you shakingly made your way through the first few words, you gathered yourself enough to sing the rest perfectly.
The first words that come out
And I can see this song will be about you
I can’t believe that I can breathe without you
But all I need to do is carry on
The next line I write down
And there’s a tear that falls between the pages
I know that pain’s supposed to heal in stages
But it depends which one I’m standing on
 I write lines down, then rip them up
Describing love can’t be this tough
 I could set this song on fire, send it up in smoke
I could throw it in the river and watch it sink in slowly
Tie the pages to a plane and send it to the moon
Play it for the world, but it won’t mean much
Unless I sing this song to you
 When you sang these words, you made sure to look in Jensen’s direction & again, your eyes locked. This time for a lot longer. It was as if you two were the only ones in this room. Just you & him. Pouring your heart & soul into this one song. Hoping he would realize what you really felt for him.
 I’m dying to show you
This could end happily ever after
There doesn’t ever have to be disaster
And all you have to do is sing along
 I write lines down, then rip them up
Impossible describing love
 I could set this song on fire, send it up in smoke
I could throw it in the river and watch it sink in slowly
Tie the pages to a plane and send it to the moon
Play it for the world, but it won’t mean much
Unless I sing this song to you
 Rob’s & your voice blended together seamlessly & the band managed to make this song sound like it had been one of theirs. Like you had played it together a million times before.
 I could set this song on fire
Sing this song to you
I could set this song on fire
 Light this old guitar on fire, I’d still hear the notes
Drown the melody in water, I’d still hear its ghost
Sing it with somebody else, but we’d be out of tune
Play it for the world, but it won’t mean much
 I could set this song on fire, send it up in smoke
I could throw it in the river and watch it sink in slowly
Tie the pages to a plane and send it to the moon
Play it for the world, but it won’t mean much
Unless I sing this song to you
 I could set this song on fire
Unless I sing this song to you
I could set this, I could set this
I want to sing this song to you
I could set this song on fire
Sing this song to you
I could set this, I could set this
 The last part, Rob let you sing alone & as you belted out the last words, your eyes closed briefly. Only after hearing the cheers & the clapping did you open them again. Immediately, Rob went over & took you in for a quick hug. Whispering in your ear how proud he was of your performance. That you nailed it.
“Wow, guys. Thank you.” you were overwhelmed by the response of the fans. But your adrenaline washed away when you noticed Jensen no longer watching you from the side of the stage. Still, you had a smile on your face. There was no way you could let the people see that something was wrong.
“That was (Y/N) (Y/L/N) with “Song On Fire”. Let her hear you guys!” Rob urged the audience on & again, the room erupted into loud cheers. Waving before leaving the stage, your smile fell the moment the curtain closed behind you.
“(Y/N)?” there was not even time for you to drown in self pity when a voice yelled for you. Turning around, you were shocked to see Jensen jogging up to you. His hands went to cup your cheeks. Pulling your face closer to his, your eyes closed as his lips pressed softly onto yours. Was this really happening right now? Melting into his touch, you could feel yourself getting lost in the moment. Fireworks were going off inside of you. No matter how many times you had imagined this exact moment, nothing could compare to what you were feeling right this instance. When the two of you needed to pull away for air, you found yourself staring straight into his beautiful eyes.
“God, I hope this song was about me or I just embarrassed myself.” he whispered, afraid that someone else might listen in on your conversation even though you were completely alone backstage. A sheepish smile spread across your face & you interrupted his rambling by kissing him again. If you had known that a song was all it took for the two of you to take that next step then you would have performed on stage way sooner. His hands were at your waist, yours around his neck. Standing close to each other, scared, that you might lose each other. Which would never happen. Not that you finally found to each other.
“I’m sorry.” you started apologizing to which Jensen only furrowed his eyebrows.
“What for?” he had no clue why you felt like you had to say sorry.
“I’m really not good at this entire feelings stuff.” giggling at how stupid you sounded, your eyes shot to the floor.
“I don’t know, that was pretty damn romantic.” he joked & made you laugh with his words. True. Dedicating a song to someone was probably one of the most romantic things one could do.
“Jensen?” your forehead pressed against his chest. Arms tightening around you, he enjoyed having you this close to him. Rob had told him that you liked him & after paying more attention to it, he could see it, too. Yet, he was too much of a coward to do anything about it. Because he got incredibly shy whenever you were around. You could feel him humming so you continued. “I’m actually planning on recording the song. In the studio & all. Jason offered to help me.”
“That’s gre-“ you did not even let him finish because you had another idea in your head.
“And I wanted to ask you to be a part of it.” pulling away slightly to catch his reaction, you were surprised to find a shocked face. “Of course only if you want to. I get it if you don-“
“I’d love to.” his look changed into pure adoration for you. You swore that this man took your breath away by simply looking at you. All of a sudden, Jensen started laughing.
“What?”
“This is gonna be such a cliché story to tell at upcoming Conventions.” he was right. Honestly, it would make a good plot for a movie. Shaking your head at him, you hugged him tighter again. No way in hell would you ever let him go. It took you a lot of courage to take that step & you were more than happy that your plan was successful. You were glad that Louden Swain supported your idea. You thanked Rob for being a great best friend. Finally, Jensen & you had each other. And as much as you loved the idea of it, you were sure that the fans would freak out even more. They had been shipping you for ages. After all, you guys had a connection nobody else shared but everybody else noticed. You guys were bound to end up together from the very beginning.
Published (05/06/2021) by Cathy
✨MY Ko-fi PAGE✨
Tags: @peachescream06 (thanks for your support <3)
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Worrisome Wars & Fortunate Futures (Sam Wilson x Rogers!Reader)
Request: AAAAKKKKHHHH CAN I REQUEST AN IMAGINE like a karli x platonc rogers reader and sam x wife rogers reader. The reader talked karli out of her 'mission' and instead of karli who got shot its the reader instead. The ending is up to you but if its happy ending PLEASE LET SAM AND TGE READER ADOPT KARLI😭😭😭 AND TOGETHER THEY BE IN THE COOKOUT PLEASEEEEEEE (by anonymous), [Marvel-Masterlist]
Summary: Your life with Sam had many ups & downs. From unfortunate first impressions to precarious dates, a dream wedding & the greatest grief of your life. You no longer believed in a mutual future. But you were not opposed to let yourself be convinced of the contrary.
Words: 9,143
Warnings: language, angst, grief, mentions of nightmares, violence, blood, injuries, fluff, protective!Steve, TFATWS spoilers, (Y/E/C) = your eye color, (Y/N/N) = your nickname, REQUESTS ARE OPEN!
[Big thanks to @therenlover, @shmaptainshada & @mymagicsuitcase for encouraging me when the insecurities took over. I appreciate you a lot! <3]
If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤
You were (Y/N) Rogers. Steve Rogers’ sister. Nobody knew about your existence because he wanted to keep you as far away from the dangerous Avengers lifestyle as possible. Sometimes, you were annoyed & incomprehensible as to why he cached you. To you, it was not particularly fair. Steve was friends with superheroes & he was one himself. His intention on your livelihood being a secret had intelligible aspects but was lacking just as many. Multiple arguments were caused because of this very topic & you were growing tired of it. Steve displayed you as a weak woman who could not defend herself when push came to shove. Maybe you did not have any experience in fighting the big battles but you would still describe yourself as a reliable source of assistance. In whatever area, really. You would not even get that far in the first place. Steve’s protectiveness was massive & totally unreasonable. Not totally but mildly.
Your first interaction with Sam was therefore unintentional. It was a warm spring day, pretty early in the morning. You remembered shivering the moment you exited your apartment & strutted over to your brother’s. Your stubbornness prevented you from throwing over a jacket. It was spring, one of the warmer seasons of the year. Logically, the air could still be pretty chilly during the early hours. You decided against heading back inside. Your arms crossed over your chest & you hugged yourself to obviate the goosebumps taking over. The sun was already up but it had yet to gain enough force to really provide enough warmth for it to be comfortable in a simple t-shirt outside. A look on your phone gave notice of the time. Shortly before six in the morning. No wonder barely any cars were occupying the streets. The majority of the city was still fast asleep. It did not bother you too much. The lonely walk down the pavement cleared your head. The previous night had been horrible. Nightmares invaded your dreams every now & then & usually, it was Steve who helped calming you down. But once your eyes snapped open & your body came to a sitting position on your mattress, you knew it was unnecessary to call him. It was too late to fall asleep once more & Steve would most likely get ready for his daily morning jog. You had never understood why someone would abandon more time to rest in order to run a few laps through the park. It kept your body healthy but God…at what cost? Your thoughts were running miles per hour, shaken up from that scary dream you had to endure. Irregular breaths escaped your lips still. All of your attempts to calm yourself down were futile. You needed another person to pick up your pieces & that other person was Steve.
Persistent knocking interrupted the conversation he held with Sam inside his apartment. It was unusual to have someone looking for him but even more so at this time. His friend joked around & suggested an early morning coffee date with a special someone. Steve brushed off that thought with a roll of his eyes. When the knocking did not stop anymore but was ever-lasting, he wasted no time in approaching his door. He ordered Sam to stay in the background in case there was a threat lurking on the other end of the entrance. His face neared the wooden surface so he could look through the peephole. The hard stare adorning his features softened immediately when he noticed your frame standing outside, shifting your weight from one leg to the other. Obviously, you were troubled & the only conclusion Steve could draw at this very moment was that you suffered from another nightmare. Otherwise, you would not come bashing on his door with all strength you could muster. His movements were rushed from then on. His protective side kicked in & he almost teared out the doorknob in the process of twisting it open. Your head snapped up when the familiar creak of the door echoed through the narrow hallway. Tears were threatening to escape your eyes & Steve hated that he could not do anything to get rid of your demons. Your body crashed into his when his silhouette came into view. Strong, muscular arms wrapped around you, squeezing you impossibly tight to him. He simply hoped he could provide you the slightest bit of comfort with his touch. Unbeknownst to either of you, Sam watched the entire interaction & was confused to say the least. Steve had never opened up to him about a girl in his life, especially not about someone as gorgeous as you. His beautiful dark brown eyes fell onto your figure & he was a goner. Which was incredibly wrong considering that you were somehow engaged with the blonde man who was currently hugging you.
“You good?” Steve ushered you inside & closed the door behind you. The trembling had stopped but your heart was still beating too fast for your liking.
“I will be.” you whispered. Sam barely heard what you said because of the distance between you all & because of the silent, almost non-existent volume of your voice. Your body moved around the apartment like you had been here a thousand times. With a loud & exhausted sigh, you plopped down onto the comfortable couch & let the soft cushions embrace you. Steve coughed because of the awkwardness of the situation that you had yet to detect. Your mind was occupied with different, more prominent images. They consumed all of you so you did not recognize another person in the room. Sam stayed quiet, figuring that Steve would introduce you two in time. He probably owed both of you an apology & he was aware of that as well. One of his hands rested on his hip while the other raised to his face to rub down his chin. Your (Y/E/C) eyes snapped open when another cough interrupted the comfortable silence. Sam could have sworn that time halted. Never before had he looked into eyes that held so many different emotions. Most of them which he could not identify just yet. Though he had to admit that he found himself craving to become acquainted with them. With you. The sunrise provided enough light inside the barely lit room, sunbeams reaching your face. Right now, you looked absolutely stunning. The glistening in your eyes from your previous tears brought out the different hues even more. Sam was awestruck & he had a hard time to stop his staring. Steve would kick his ass if he kept stealing glances at his girl so he averted his gaze. One of his shoulders leaned against the doorframe that connected the kitchen with the living room. He attempted to broadcast casualty but something inside of him screamed that he failed.
“Uh…(Y/N)?” Steve tried carefully. Your questioning face flickered up to his unpleasant one. Only then did you notice another presence in the corner of your eyes. It was your turn to stare now. Great, you just left an embarrassing first impression for that guy. “This is my friend Sam. Sam, my sister (Y/N).” you stood up from the couch because you thought it to be impolite to greet someone while sitting down.
“Your-Your sister?” Sam whisper-yelled & you had to giggle at his perplexity. “You didn’t tell me you had a sister.” his voice increased slightly & you snorted.
“Surprise, I guess.” your voice was like music to Sam’s ears & his mind eased a little after receiving the news of you being part of the Rogers family & not Steve’s secret girlfriend. Your hand stretched out in a friendly greeting. “It’s nice to meet you, Sam.”
“Likewise.” he shook your hand, both of you wearing shit-eating grins.
“So, Steve…” you began & turned around so you were facing him. “The first of your Avenger friends I get to know is the Falcon?” you wiggled your eyebrows & Sam’s mouth opened after another one of your surprises.
“You know me?” Sam questioned & you rolled your eyes playfully.
“Of course I do. I know all of you, not in a stalker kinda way, obviously. But, you know…my dear brother doesn’t shut up about any of you but can’t, for the life of him, introduce me to you.” you shrugged your shoulders. Embarrassment washed through you because Sam literally witnessed you having a full blown mental breakdown. Sure he would not want to have anything to do with you.
“I didn’t introduce you for your safety, (Y/N/N).” Steve emphasized. He had to hold himself back to ask about your nightmare. The reason why you visited in the first place. But you were ashamed enough as it was & he assumed you would not want him talking about it in front of Sam.
Others would have run as fast as they could because they had been scared off. Not Sam. He did not judge you when you got to Steve’s apartment appearing like an absolute mess. The persistency of him was prodigious. All of a sudden, there was a man in your life, besides your brother, who was enthusiastic whenever he had the chance to talk to you. More often did he remain in Steve’s home after their morning run in hopes that you would show up again. The super soldier was no fool. Sam’s more frequent stays did not go unnoticed by him. At first, he did not comment on it, thinking it was only a phase. Back when you were younger, a few men had tried to gain your attention. Without luck. Though, most of them had failed because they feared your older brother. Sam, on the other hand, handled Steve just fine. They were good friends & you would not get hurt in the process. Yet, your protective brother had a hard time with letting you go. Especially with letting you go for another man. Not that he did not want to see you happy. He did. But he dreaded watching you in a dangerous situation. Whether it was physically or mentally, it was his challenge to keep you safe.
So obviously, when Sam confessed that what he felt for you was more than just friendly, Steve freaked out. It was clear as day that he really strived to get to know you better. As a person. For who you were. It was a nice surprise when he first asked you out on a date. Your first question was about Steve & if he knew about his plan. He did, apparently, & it took a lot of convincing from Sam’s side to get out of this argument successfully. Throughout the time, Steve had given Sam more than one “protective-brotherly-talk” which basically meant that threats were thrown around. Steve clarified that you would not start dating Sam or anyone else of his friends, for that matter. But your eyes were on one specific person & resisting became harder each & every day. And when Sam came straight forward with his proposal of dating you, it took a lot of time & nerves from Steve. Not that he had a say in your life but it was obvious that you two were really close siblings. After the hundredth time of promising to not jeopardize you or hurt your feelings, he gave in. Though on the inside, he believed he failed his job of keeping you from this hazardous lifestyle. In the end, you would have been the one to ease his mind because Sam was the first person who truly accepted you. Made you smile genuinely & cared for you deeply. And he was Steve’s best friend. If something was about to happen to you, he would be good as dead. Fortunately, he was not intending on leaving your side any time soon. Even if he wanted to, you would have clung onto him with every fiber of your being.
One thing came to another & you were assisting the Avengers. Not on the field. Simply with paperwork. You were working an office job that was harmless. And yet, it was the first time the bond between Steve & you crumbled down. Primarily, Sam & you were in a relationship & that did not strike right with him. The disappointment extended when Stark hired you without informing your brother. To him, this was the beginning of your end, as he so lovingly put it. But your workplace was supervised at all times, inaccessible to perilous threats that wanted everyone on the team dead. Acclimatization did not require too much. Sam encouraged you through the first couple of weeks & soon after, it became your new normality.
Until Steve’s biggest apprehension reversed into actuality. An unforeseeable attack later & you occupied one of the sickbeds in your local hospital. Your injuries were not life-threatening. Pain could be sensed in every bone of your body but your friends surrounding you had dealt with much worse. This was confirmation enough. Even with superheroes around you, you were weak, almost pathetic. At least these were the thoughts that had been planted into your head. Throughout the healing process, especially with Sam by your side, you gained a lot of self-confidence. This time of your life detected your power. Your mentality strengthened & you did not need any superpowers to achieve that. All it took was the support of the people closest to you. And when your body was ready to work properly again, you took up your previous job. Much to Steve’s dismay. Sam had to convince your worried brother that you would be perfectly fine. It could have happened to every single one of them. None of this was your fault. You were simply unlucky enough to get harmed in the process.
The day Sam got down on one knee, holding a small red velvet packaging between his trembling fingers, turned your life upside down yet again. That was something you never thought would happen to you. Engagements seemed so far in the distance, it was a positive shock when Sam convinced you of the opposite. He made you feel worthy of love & of being loved by another human being. It was a memory you savored recalling as much as possible. Happy tears rolled down your cheeks, hands coming to rest over your mouth. Your answer to his question had been delayed, apparently, but Sam only told you a few weeks after his proposal. It was cute, watching your fiancé getting all shy & insecure in front of you. Usually, that was your behavior. But it only demonstrated how deeply he actually cared for you. The enthusiasm for your future together was shared by your friends &, most importantly, by your brother. While you two did not agree on everything, in the end, he was in the first row supporting you. Steve was Sam’s best man, Wanda was your maid of honor. The wedding was dreamlike. When you walked down the aisle with uncertain yet steady & calculated steps, your brother dressed in a suit right by your side, Sam fell for you one more time. Harder than the previous ones. Your dress was breathtakingly beautiful. No doubt, you were the center of attention. Everyone’s eyes were trained on you, the happiness & contentment radiating from your figure as you stood there, opposite of your soon-to-be husband. His hands holding yours tenderly, his thumbs brushing over the back of them. A soothing motion he had figured had a calming effect on you pretty early on in your relationship. Right here in front of you, your other half, your soulmate, was standing. A bright smile on his face that reached his dark brown, sparkling eyes as they adored & reminisced every single feature of you. The pair of you completed each other in a deeper, more meaningful way. He was the right one because he understood you without words being exchanged. He read your body language like nobody else could, recognizing the smallest details of your discomfort. And then, without uncomfortable conversations, he managed to cheer you up with the simplest of things. He was the right one because when all else around you fell apart & you were threatening to follow your fears all the way down the cliff, he caught you with ease, his arms circling you in the shelter that was his presence.
But every shelter lost its function eventually. And yours disintegrated after the biggest, most heartless villain fulfilled his wish of erasing half of the human population. Thanos took away your everything. Your husband & if it were not hard enough, your friends with him. The worst part of it was that you could do nothing but sit at your home, praying for him to return in one piece, safely. But he did not. No, your brother was the one who came knocking on your door, his face one of a man who experienced unimaginable pain & loss. He did not even elaborate what happened because you saw the faded light in his eyes & broke down right there. Your most feared nightmare had become reality. Sam was gone. And you did not even say goodbye properly since he left in such a rush. You did not say goodbye to any of your now lost friends. No funeral, no closure. Just…gone. As if they never existed. As if they only lived to be forgotten in the end. But how could you possibly erase all of the unforgettable memories you shared with your family? How could you possibly erase your husband from your mind? The answer was simple. You could not. You would not. You did not.
The following five years were infinite. The grief elongated the time, causing every single day to have more than 24 hours. Which meant more hours to cry, to weep, to lose hope. You thanked your lucky stars every night for your brother who supported you through the toughest patch of your life. His own grieving process drained him to an unhealthy point & yet, your well-being was his top priority. Never before had you felt so lonely. Not even before Sam & you had started dating. Because, truthfully, you had no idea how you lived before he came along. There was a suffocating weight on top of your shoulders that, no matter how many attempts, you could not shake off. Standing up took too much effort, breathing became a hard task. You only ever slept when the exhaustion overgrew & your excessive dose of caffeine did not do its job of keeping you awake any longer. But you dreaded sleeping more than being conscious. Nightmares were uncontrollable & left you helpless & even more fragile.
Over 1,800 oppressive days went by. The remaining members of the Avengers still tried everything in their might to undo the snap. Some of them, during the process, could move on more or less. You were a different case. You did not even know how much hurt a person could go through & still make it out alive on the other side. But was your beating heart really worth it if the emptiness inside of you swallowed you wholly? The obnoxious darkness seemed to expand & you were not sure how much more you could take. In your head, the image of a happy & bright future had vanished. Maybe it was because you could not imagine it without Sam. You did not want to imagine it without him. Not everything was negative, you had to admit it. Your bond with your brother grew as close as it had never been before. You two were inseparable. Steve understood your grief because he went through the same. He did not judge you when you broke down over little, irrelevant things. What he did was embracing you into a tight hug for as long as you needed. Silent reassurances like you were used to from Sam. And while he was not your husband & could never replace him, you appreciated his efforts dearly.
So of course you disagreed with the suggestion of entering another battle with the one being who took the life of the ones you cared for away. With that, he stole bits & pieces of your already damaged heart & he made no intention to ever return what you now lacked. Steve told you to trust him on this one & as much as you despised the mere thought of it, you ended up letting him & the rest of your friends go. This moment felt way too familiar & you expected a déjà vu to occur in the upcoming hours. What if you lost Steve? What if, what if, what if. Your overthinking brain pounded to a point where you apprehended it exploding if you did not stop yourself.
The knock was almost missed because you were zoning off to another world that did not even exist. The persistency of the thumping sound snapped you out of your trance. Lately, you found your body weaker than usual. Knees threatened to give out while carrying your weight. The short walk drained you more than it should have. Your hands moved on their own, almost as if you were not really the one controlling your motions. Like you were your shadow, the darker version of yourself that trailed behind wherever you went. Sometimes, a step ahead & sometimes too far away to notice. The all too familiar figure in your doorway did nothing with you. Another dream, another hallucination, you figured. But it was the first time your imagination allowed his touch. His mouth opened & closed but you could not hear anything. But when strong arms enveloped your frame & the long awaiting scent filled your nostrils in the most pleasant way, you broke down. Were the tears because of happiness & relief? Or because of the pain of your hallucinational state? But it was not a dream. Sam was here. He returned to your shared home. Your husband was back & this time around, you would not let him out of your sight. The risk of losing him again was too big & scary to take. What you did not know was that Sam had no intention to ever leave you again. You were too precious to release so he put every single one of his emotions into the strong grip he held you with.
“I’m here now, baby. I’ve got you.”
Your friends returned but unfortunately, you still had to deal with some losses. The one who affected you the most was Tony’s. He had become a constant in your life & he was gone. For good, this time. Your attendance for his funeral was feared but you had to celebrate his legacy one last time. You were standing in between your husband, who had an arm around your waist, & Bucky, the former Winter Soldier. Up front was your brother. He had been too quiet this entire day. As soon as the ceremony was over, you would have to ask him about it. Your husband was by your side but your life would never be the same again. And you did not expect the nightmares to disappear right away. The cause of them was somewhere buried deep down. A lot of digging & healing needed to be done before things went back to normal. If they ever did.
Maybe you should not have approached your brother. Because your life fell apart for the what felt like the thousandth time when he confessed his upcoming plan to you. You were an overly accepting person but this was something you did not support at all. Him wanting to go back in time to life his apple pie life with Peggy? No, it just did not make sense to you. Steve was at his worst during the five years of his family being gone. Now, the moment you were all reunited again, he took the first chance to leave all of it behind. But you were in no position to judge. As his sister, it was your job to encourage him to achieve his dreams. If that truly was his wish then he should go for it. You would have lied if you said that you did not feel a tiny bit of betrayal by him obviously choosing her over you. It was unexpected if you were completely honest. After five years of relying on each other, he pursued a life with a woman who he barely even knew. Leaving behind Bucky, Sam, …you. Seemed like he eyed one person only & that someone lived in the ‘40s.
Steve owed you an apology & it was not exactly what you thought it would be. It consisted of him enlightening you on his other plan. The shield, his legacy, was supposed to be passed on to your husband. Steve wanted Sam to be the next Captain America & the mere thought of it made your eyes glossy with unshed tears. It meant Steve was ready to retire & for Sam to take on a big, responsible role. While you were certain of his capability, you reckoned with a resistance from Sam’s side. Deep down, maybe for plainly selfish reasons, you hoped that he would not accept the shield. The two of you had been through so much distress, it would only cause more. Then again, your brother trusted Sam enough to hand over his lifelong work. Steve had faith & maybe that was all you needed.
It did not ache any less after his return. Such a short duration for you, an entire lifetime for him. He was older, wiser, cognizant. And yet, he was the exact same. Your brother who had sacrificed everything for your sake. Who had kept you away from this dangerous lifestyle. Who had accepted your relationship with Sam. Who had carried the weight with you & did not try to dispose of it like they others had. His days were numbered. His appearance revealed that much. Unavoidably, you had to say goodbye to him soon. But for now, watching from a distance, you ignored the inevitable hurt that would follow. Sam took the shield from Steve. They were too far away for you to fully detect the emotions from them or to establish their expressions. Sam’s hesitant movements gave him away. It was like you had guessed, he was uncertain of his worthiness. Steve had asked you for one last favor. You should help your husband to see his full ability. You should help him to accept what your brother had planned for him. No doubt, it would take a long time. But if that was Steve’s last wish then you would try your very best to fulfill it. The betrayal & disappointment aside, he was your family. In the end, you stuck together.
Your husband & you reverted to his sister’s home. Sarah & you had become fast friends after your first introduction. Back then, you had been a weaker version of yourself. No self-confidence, not even in a single cell of your body. Insecurities surpassing assurances. The trepidation of not fitting in devoured your thoughts. Steve had been your only family & it was quite the change to have so many people surrounding you. Not once did they judge you or dismiss your relationship. They were as accepting as they could have been. The feeling they transferred on to you was needful, welcome. It was a big difference to what you were used to. But the change definitely was for the better. So many loving people in one place. So much positivity filling the rooms, awakening them. What once used to be Sam’s home was now yours as well. It aroused the imagination of starting your own family in the future. The possibility was only accessible if you retired from the hazard of your busy lives. Maybe one day, if reality ever settled down, you would aspire it.
But threats were part of your daily routine. Currently, you dealt with a group named the Flag Smashers, cited by a young girl called Karli Morgenthau. A team of super soldiers who injected a modified version of the serum. She was too young to take on such a big & risky job. Her ends were comprehensible but that did not justify her approach. You were aware of the horrible situation your country was in but murder was not the solution. Sam had tried to talk her out of her mission back in Latvia. His attempt was interrupted by John Walker, the one who was appointed the new Captain America after Sam gave the shield to the state. The mistake had been corrected, the piece of metal was back in Sam’s possession. Bucky gifted a brand new suit & set of wings to him that had been created by the Wakandans. You were the very first person who caught a sight of him in his new uniform. It fitted like it was made for him & frankly, it was. If Steve were still here with you, he would be so proud of Sam. And of you for being the best assistance one could ever ask for. Something inside of you told you that your brother was watching you still. Like a guardian angel, observing your every step & conveying small, almost unnoticeable signs to guide you to the right path. Some might have believed you to be insane but to you, it was a trail of hope & faith. To you, it strengthened your will to live. You hoped Steve enjoyed the softness of the clouds up above in the big blue sky. You hoped Tony was there to keep him company, teasing him until the annoyance would overtake. Like the good old days, where everyone was alive & happy. A supporting & ever-loving family.
There was a promise between you two. And you valued it enough to ignore it even in the midst of a battle. You requested ear pieces in order to be connected with Sam & Bucky during the hasty fights they had to withstand. It was ordered for you to stay close by yet distanced enough to not actively engage in the jeopardy. After all, your inexperience could imperil not only you but also the others. Throughout the years & with literal superheroes around you, you had picked up a few tactics that could be beneficial during fights. But the utilization had been prohibited. At first by your brother & now by your husband. They wanted to keep you from any harm. Right now, it could have been practical but there was no moment to be contemplating the what-if’s. Your hiding spot was invisible to unknowing bystanders. Sam was conscious of your location & it eased his mind a little. He had commanded you to stay in the safety that was your own four walls but you were convinced of the opposite. Never again would you act like a damsel in distress in your home while the others fought a vital battle. Besides, if things got out of hand, you could intervene. That clandestine plan of yours was kept from your husband & Bucky. During their discussion, you sat back & listened cautiously with precision. From then on, you repeated their mutual agreement like a mantra. Scared that if you did not, an important piece of information would slip your mind.
If it were not for the loud noises outside of your hidden shelter, you would have actually felt bored. But the adrenaline was so present, you could not focus on anything else but the fast pace of your heart beating in your chest. The pounding could be felt through the entirety of your body. Your legs mushy but frozen in place. A few shouts erupted from the ear piece. Sam & Bucky were alright. Alive & breathing. For now. You knew it was detrimental to suppose such obscure outcomes but it was inevitable. Your heart was more in it than your brain & that should have been the first warning sign.
It was fine. Until it was not anymore. The noises in your ears increased & you could make out Sam’s voice in the chaos. Sounded like he was in trouble. You had a difficult decision to make. Either, you stayed inside the sanctuary or you ran out in the field to help him out. But how could you possibly come to Captain America’s help? The media would freak out if they noticed you by his side. The downside of it all was that you were no assassin. But you were empathetic which could bring you in the right direction. Karli was with Sam, you could hear that. And he would never, not even in his wildest dreams, fight or hurt her. The location was familiar, you could up & leave. If you paid close attention then you would not even get hurt. Hopefully it was not a big if.
The overthinking came to a fast halt when the grunting on the other side turned way too prominent. Your legs carried you away from your previous safety, one step after the other, closer to your preferred destination. Your stamina usually did not allow you to run long distances but in extreme situations, your body was capable of almost impossible tasks. The path was well rehearsed but you did not recall it being so long. Your thoughts solely focused on the well-being of your husband. And on Karli. Why that girl did not leave your mind? Maybe because she was just a child. Nobody at this age should go through what she had to endure. A warehouse came into view & snapped you out of your trance. They had to be in there. Cautious & sluggish steps replaced the rush of running. Finally, you had a few seconds to breath. In & out. Like a steady rhythm. To slow down your heartbeat & to regain all of the force you could muster. You pushed the door open, cringing when the creak was too loud for others to ignore. It did not stop you. You had one goal in mind. To turn Karli’s perspective around. And to stay safe in the process.
When someone tried to be as quiet as possible, you became aware of all the other noises that usually went by unnoticed. A broken pipe, water dripping down to the cold pavement. Fluttering sounds that could have been caused by bats. Metal pillars obstructed your full view of the spacious room. If you were vigilant enough you could discover their position.
“Who are you?” you froze in your place when words echoed through the hall. When you made no further move, the voice sounded up again. “Turn around. Hands in the air.” it was a demand you did not want to dismiss. Your motions were mindful. When your eyes flickered up to the stranger’s face, they widened the moment you recognized the person. Karli. This could either turn out successfully or with you dying right on the spot.
“Karli.” it took a lot of effort to change your voice into a softness that drowned out the anxiety that had started building inside your chest.
“Ah. I know who you are.” she chuckled & you were shocked that someone as young as her managed to sound so scary. “Captain America’s wife. Great title. How does that feel?” the sarcasm was easily detected.
“Do you truly believe that I care for a title?” your head tilted to one side as you observed her & your surroundings. Right now, she did not seem all too keen about you which meant that you had to be wary.
“Isn’t that what it does to someone? Feeding their ego?” you hated how you stepped back when she closed the gap between you two.
“I value the person behind that title.” though the room you were in was barely lit, you hoped she could spot the sincerity in not only your words but also your expression.
“The person who doesn’t seem to care for half of humanity?” Karli chuckled as she crossed her arms over her chest, clearly in a mocking way.
“If you think that Sam doesn't care then you don’t know him at all.” you shook your head gently, a mellow smile playing at the corners of your lips. “He’s the most selfless person I know.”
“We, the Flag Smashers, are selfless, we’re fighting for the greater good, for a better future.” another step & another from her side. Your back reached the nearest wall. Trapped without a chance to flee if you wanted to.
“Is it selfless to kill a bunch of people just to get a point across?” you questioned even though you were aware that every following word could be the death of you.
“It isn’t selfish either.” she defended herself & you noticed her walls crumbling down. Just the slightest but it was a start.
“I never said that. What I’m trying to say is…you want a united world, right? That’s how you put it?” you figured if you kept her talking then it would turn out in your favor.
“Yeah, of course.” she answered after a couple of quiet seconds.
“The definition of “union” says that it’s an action of joining together.” you pointed out, trying to sound as believable as possible.
“Did you google that?” there was a small but present smile on her face that you mimicked right away.
“Maybe.” you laughed. “But it’s true, isn’t it?” another question for her to answer. In this moment, you were the one in control.
“I guess so.” she shrugged. “But nobody listens to us. If we don’t take matters into our own hands then the inequality will stay alive.” her tone gave way that she really felt strongly about this topic.
“But you aren’t a killer, Karli.” you emphasized, hoping the certainty in your voice would reach her.
“I’m not?” she scoffed, throwing her arms in the air in frustration. “But I am. I killed those people. I did that.” she was close to tears. It was obvious that she did not believe this to be the right way. She was trapped in a mental conflict. Which meant that she was vulnerable & easier to convince. It was now or never.
“But you regret it. Look, it’s not too late. I’m here to support you. Sam wants nothing more than to help you.” you abandoned the safety the freezing wall at your back gave you. Now was a good time to approach her.
“Captain America never cared for anyone but himself.” she spat out.
“Ouch.” you feigned hurt & maybe, somewhere deep down, you were. “As Steve’s sister, I can assure you that he cared for everyone but himself. He put everyone before him. So does Sam. Karli, don’t go down that road. We’ll find a way, together, to change this situation. I promise you. Now you just gotta trust me.” one of your arms stretched out, motioning for her to take your hand. To choose the right path. The path to salvation. She strutted closer, still unsure, but luck was never on your side. In the corner of your eyes, as you looked over Karli’s shoulder, you noticed Sharon pointing her gun at you. Screams left your mouth, begging for her to stop, to not do this. But it seemed like Carter had already made her decision. There was only one thing left that you could do. Your hands rested on Karli’s shoulders as you shoved her away with a newfound strength that had been hidden inside of you before. But if it were not for you jumping in front of her, the bullet would have grazed her still. Suddenly, your ears started ringing. There was a sharp pain in your abdomen. Your head snapped down as you sunk to your knees, too shocked to really process what was happening right now. A presence rushed over to your now laying form. The silhouette was dark, you could not identify who it was. Maybe you could have but black spots started clouding your vision. Exhaustion washed through you. Something told you that this was it. Your death. The yells of your husband clutching to your body & putting pressure to your wound went by unnoticed. Heavy eyelids closed as you lost the battle to your consciousness.
Your body awoke before the energy to open your eyes returned. There was a beeping sound & muffled noises in the otherwise dead silent room. Your back pressed against a soft mattress. One of your hands was held though you were unsure who was with you in this moment. As you tried to move, you experienced a painful sensation that prevented you from going through with it. But the person who was by your side noticed & left your hand in the process. A deep breath later & your eyes finally snapped open. You were met with a white, almost too bright looking, ceiling.
“You’re awake.” the familiarity of his voice was very much welcomed. A genuine smile formed on your face as your head moved to the side to get a good glimpse at him.
“Sam.” you breathed out a sigh of relief. He was here. And he was alright. “What happened?” it was not like you had no idea what went down. But there were bits & pieces that slipped your mind & you needed to remember in order to determine the size of the damage.
“You were stupid & reckless. That’s what happened.” though he was angry at you, he took your hand in both of his once again. Raising it, he brought it to his face to press a few small kisses on the back of it.
“Is Karli alright?” the question entered your mind like a lightning bolt.
“You’re the one in the hospital with a bullet wound & you’re asking about her?” his eyebrows raised in disbelief. Not only he was great at putting other’s safety first, so were you.
“Is she?” you inquired, fearing the worst because you did not receive a definite answer right away.
“Yes.” Sam breathed out. “Thanks to you. Sharon would’ve shot her weren’t it for you to throw yourself in front.”
“I couldn’t let her die.” you argued, eyes locking on his.
“I know. But you could’ve died.” he pointed out, a frown visible.
“I didn’t.” you gestured to your body, still in a hospital bed but probably too high on pain medication to truly feel displeasure.
“Why’s my wife so ruthless?” he mumbled more to himself though you saw a small smirk adorning his features.
“She was too busy copying her husband.” you joked, easing the tension.
“Steve would kick my ass right now.” Sam shook his head & chuckled.
“I’m sure he’ll get his chance someday.” your conversation was interrupted by a nurse opening the door with a suggestion.
“There are two visitors waiting outside. Think we could let them in?” her reassuring smile was calming & you found yourself nodding immediately. The sight you were met with was pleasantly shocking. Not only was Bucky here but Karli as well.
“You’re here.” you stated the obvious with enthusiasm in your voice.
“Well, Samuel here dragged me along. I didn’t even wanna come.” the super soldier spoke up & made you laugh with his antics.
“Not you, cyborg. I’m talking about Karli.” you motioned for the girl to come closer & take a seat on one of the available chairs.
“Sam, your wife is being mean to me.” Bucky almost whined as if his over extended life only resulted into him acting like a defiant child.
“Yeah, ‘cause you deserve it.” Sam bickered playfully. Your focus was on the kid who was now seated right next to you, opposite of your husband.
“Thank you.” she whispered, embarrassment obviously clouding her.
“There’s no need to thank me.” you assured her with a warm smile from your side.
“You got shot because of me.” Karli pointed out. You raised your eyebrows & acted as if nothing of this was a big deal. Your wound would heal, after all. The pain you were now experiencing would fade soon.
“Technically, I got shot because of Sharon. And I won’t let that live down.” you chuckled. “I should be the one thanking you, Karli.” your free hand reached for her & she took it in both of her hands. The touch caring, tender.
“Why?” she was confused as to why you found it important to thank her when she was the one who made all of those big, irreversible mistakes.
“’Cause you chose the right side.” your statement was spoken with such a certainty that left no room to argue. “Where will you go now?”
“I-I’m, um…not sure, actually.” she stuttered, averting her gaze because she was clearly uncomfortable with this topic coming up. Your head moved to the other side briefly, asking your husband a silent question. When you saw him nod, you returned your gaze to the girl & spoke up.
“You could stay with us, you know?” you wanted it to be a suggestion. There was no pressure on her & not you forcing her into something she might not be comfortable with. Her eyes flickered up, the shock written in them.
“W-What?” to her, it felt like she was dreaming. And for the first time in forever, it was not a nightmare. It was the exact opposite.
“Sam & I wouldn’t mind-“ your husband interrupted you to add something himself.
“We’d really love it.” his words were rambled & it amused you that he still got shy every now & then. Especially when it came to a topic as significant as this.
“And the big, grumpy Uncle Bucky needs someone to keep him in line anyway.” you grinned from ear to her when Karli’s smile finally reached her eyes.
“Hey!” Bucky exclaimed from the other side of the room, pretending that your words bothered him while in reality, he actually enjoyed the thought of becoming an uncle. Karli glanced between the three of you, silently contemplating her answer. That would be the first step in a brighter future. In addition to that, she could be part of a family. It struck her weird that you were still so eager to help her. After all, she caused a lot of trouble & a lot of grief for others. And yet here you were, suggesting to take her in if she wanted to. She could have said no but actually, she could not think of a better way to spend her time with than with you all. After she nodded with firmness, it was set. A new life was awaiting you. First, you had to leave the hospital after healing properly but after that, it was the beginning of a new world. For Sam & you. For Bucky. Most importantly, for Karli.
If you had ever been to a cookout hosted by the Wilson’s then you knew that they were not satisfied with a simple barbeque. No, it was a large celebration even if there was nothing to celebrate. This time around, the reason of it was that you finally returned back home. Not as a couple but with a special someone tagging along. After the hospital released you, you stayed with Bucky for a while. Together, you finally purchased actual furniture for his apartment because that man had been living in very poor conditions though money had not been the issue. Karli had struggled in the beginning. Still filled with guilt of everything she had done. But when her demons got the best of her, there were three people right by her side to ease her mind. The bond between you two had been growing incredibly close. Ever since the warehouse, where you took a bullet for her, you had formed not only a friendship. It was the start of a familial relationship. Sam had been overly protective during the healing process. Something he had from Steve, for sure.
The preparation for the cookout was massive but not as massive as the actual party. So many people joined you. Old friends, family. People you loved & cared for dearly. Food was served. Endless options, all delicious & ready to devour. Laughter could be heard, smiles detected. Everyone was happy, enjoying the time spent together. Some people even brought small gifts to show their gratitude. There was no need for them to do that but it was always the same with your friends. If you provided them something then another thing came back. It was a give & take sort of rule that had been unofficially established throughout the years. The circle was kept alive & showed how much you truly cared for one another. That was your home. How you remembered & loved it.
Sam’s nephews cheered & you looked for the cause of it. There he was, Bucky Barnes, former Winter Soldier, balancing a cake on one of his palms as his free hand raised to his face to remove his sunglasses. You shook your head with a quiet chuckle as he pretended to throw the sweetness into someone’s face.
“Bucky.” your warning was in a teasing manner. His eyes flickered to your frame & he wasted no time in waltzing over to you & taking you into a big bear hug.
“(Y/N)! How’s it going?” he questioned as he turned around & took in the scenery.
“Good. If you don’t drown the kiddos with whipped cream or let them overdose on sugar.” your eyebrows wiggled. Bucky shot you a glance over his shoulder.
“I would never do such a thing.” the accentuation was filled with sarcasm but you would let him go for now.
“You can put it over there on the table.” you gestured to a desk nearby so he could put the cake down.
“Gotcha.” he winked & walked over to where other cakes were already situated.
“Hey, Buck! You flirtin’ with my wife?” Sam yelled after the super soldier as he approached you from behind. “Is he flirtin’ with you?”
“He might as well prepare his own death bed.” you pecked his cheek. Sam laughed & followed you around to help you out. Almost everyone was here. Sarah & her kids sat with Karli on a separate table, leaving enough room for you all to join later.
“…and then I had to save Sam’s ass.” Bucky finished another one of his many stories. The absurdity of it made everyone laugh. You were occupying one table, Karli on one side of you, Sam on the other.
“You did not save my ass. It happened like this-“ but Sam had no chance to finish as you interfered.
“No. Nope, don’t even start it. I will not listen to the same story again. Forget it.” you shook your head frantically.
“Aw, come on. Please, let him tell it.” one of Sam’s nephews begged. You rolled your eyes but gave in without much resistance.
“Thanks for siding with me, little one.” you sarcastically remarked. “Alright, Sam. Tell us what really went down.” your elbow propped onto the wooden surface & your chin rested on the back of your hand.
“He’ll lie.” Bucky stated monotonously.
“We can decide which story is true & which isn’t after Sam’s done.” & with that, the next minutes were spent with listening to a story you had heard multiple times. But it was not boring. Because as you glanced between the people who surrounded you, you saw the sparks in their eyes as they paid close attention to his every word. The constellation of those people was odd, no doubt, but it was the best type of odd you could have asked for. You recalled the first time you were introduced to the Wilson family. How clammy your hands were. How you could not stop the bouncing of your legs. You assumed Karli was going through similar emotions right now. Back then, you had Sam who encouraged you to just go for it & to ignore the dark thoughts entirely. Now, Karli had you & you would do the very same thing for her. You were a family. A bizarre one, at that. Yet it was the most lovable bizarre group of people. Sam’s badass sister who was more technically gifted than all of you combined. Her kids who never gave you a second to breathe but you would not want it any other way. Bucky, the staring cyborg uncle who was way too popular by the small ones. And he used it in his favor. Sam, who had been through some tough months of loss, grief, insecurities & so on. But he made it out alive, better than he had ever been before. You did not think it possible but you fell for him harder every single day. From the moment you first met him, in Steve’s apartment, while you had the most embarrassing mental breakdown in front of him to this very moment in the present. Him sitting next to you, an arm securely around your shoulders so you had no choice but to lean into the side of his broad body. Karli, who managed to turn her entire life around thanks to your heart-to-heart back when she was close to fully succumbing to the dark. You were proud of what she had accomplished so far & you knew that she was more than grateful to have this opportunity to live with Sam & you.
And last but definitely not least, there was you. Life had never been too kind to you. Maybe you would not even have met your husband in the first place if it were not for you going through rough patch after rough patch. He was there whenever everything came crashing down & you slowly lost hope. Whether it was after one of your many nightmares, after your insecurities took over, after Tony’s death, after Steve’s decision to go back in time to spend the rest of his life with Peggy. He was there every step of the way & would do it again & again without a second thought. Because you were the person he would sacrifice everything for. You were his light when he could only see the darkness. You cheered him up when he was down. You loved him every single day in a way that he did not even know existed before. Right in this moment, right here with everyone enjoying the cookout, your future began. You had hope again & could not wait what the universe had in check for you all. But you were sure of one thing. Whatever it was, you would master it. Together. Because combined strength was invincible.
Published (05/05/2021) by Cathy
✨MY Ko-fi PAGE✨
Tags: @princess-yuna, @bibliophilewednesday, @weareironmanbitches, @babygirlwilly, @zestyemby, @buckybarnes101, @divine-mistake, @missroro (thanks for your support <3)
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Springing Forward (Helmut Zemo x Reader)
Request: hey there cathy! i’m a new follower and i was wondering if i might request a zemo x reader where it’s maybe pre ultron and reader’s family own a flower shop in sokovia and somehow through that they meet? idk i know it’s super random but i’ve got spring fever 😂 (by @msmarvelsmain), [Marvel-Masterlist]
Summary: Your family owned a little flower shop. You assisted every now & then. One day, your parents had departed for a while, a man entered the store & changed your life forever.
Words: 3,255
Warnings: fluff, soft!Zemo, it is so sweet, I promise, pretty sure I didn't use any pronouns :), no TFATWS spoilers (you’re welcome), (Y/F/F) = your favorite flowers, REQUESTS ARE OPEN!
If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤
Spring was your favorite season of the year. Flowers started blossoming. Nature turned colorful again. Lush hues decorated the outsides. Your family owned a petite shop in the central of downtown in Sokovia. The store was your whole pride & joy. The façade was stacked with uneven, light grey cobblestones. The sign on top of the glass door was illuminated with a warm & congenial light. While you did not have that many guests, your regular customers supported you continuously. Helping out your parents had never bothered you. It was a family business. Your assistance was appreciated & the local citizens enjoyed whenever you served them.
Plants & flowers were your hobby. Somehow, they grew when you tended to them. You managed to flourish almost dead ones. That was one of your skills. Your handling with the people who visited your shop left a good impression. The earnings were not a fortune but you made do. The smiles of your pleased customers were enough to balance that out. Not even once had you been bad-tempered. If something bothered you, then you suppressed that negativity for the sake of your reputation. After all, it never had anything to do with the shop itself.
The mornings were your favorites. When the rest of the town was still fast asleep & the birds slowly awakened with rhythmical chirps. The slight breeze that touched your skin tenderly. The goosebumps erupting where your clothes did not cover you. Yet, you abandoned the thought of pulling over a jacket. As the hours ticked by, the sun would amplify, leaving you content with your tenuous t-shirt. Your parents had left town for relaxation. The shop would be solely yours for the upcoming days. Your little apartment was not far away from your workplace. The short walks back & forth were forever welcomed. During your lunch break, if your job & the weather allowed you that, you wandered through the narrow backstreets. Every corner was familiar but the small details that frequently transformed always fascinated you anew.
Years ago, you loathed leaving the country you were born in to start a new life here in Sokovia. Your parents were incomprehensibly overstrained with your whim that seemed to worsen daily. Friends were abandoned in the process of moving. The beginning in a foreign area was strenuous. Not only did it take a toll on you but on your parents as well. The loan enabled your family’s dream of owning their own shop. Independence was an indescribable feeling. Ever since, your fondness of this place had been increasing steadily. And while you would not exactly say that you had friends here, you definitely made a few acquaintances. Friendships would follow sooner or later. Besides, your work consumed almost all of your time. You lived to work & you worked to live. It was as simple as that. Your lifestyle functioned like that. It was exhausting, sometimes excessive, but you handled it just fine. Still, every now & then, you found yourself craving something. What that particular something was had yet to be discovered.
The delightful ringing of the bell whenever someone entered your shop reached your ears. It was early in the morning. Usually, the first costumers rolled in closer to lunch time. Not that you were complaining. Your body spun around, your apron getting stuck on an infinitesimal bump standing out of your oak wooden counter. Silent curses left your lips, too quiet for the stranger to hear. The struggles were noticeable & a presence approached you. You had yet to glance at the person but your delicate hands were busy with fiddling the fabric.
“May I?” a soft, accented voice spoke up & startled you slightly. Your eyes flickered up & locked with warm, chocolate brown ones. For a few moments, time stopped. Your heartbeat sped up. Something about this simple interaction let sparks burst. And when his lips turned into a gentle smile, you were gone for. Never before had something similar occurred. Especially not that quickly. It was obvious that you were staring a little too intensively. But his eyes did not leave yours, lingering just for a fraction longer. He had asked you a question. As an owner, you completely failed your task. You neither welcomed him in nor did you engage in a conversation. Coughing to hide the embarrassment, you averted your gaze & began.
“Welcome. Um, I’d really appreciate your help, thank you.” your voice wavered but it did not crack. His hands, covered by leather gloves, stretched out & he initiated the process of freeing you. The thick material that hid his fingers was offbeat. Average people tended to avoid gloves during this season. It was warm enough without them. Then again, this stranger did not strike you as average. This brief meeting was proof enough.
“There you go.” he commented after successfully liberating you. “As good as new.” he radiated a feeling that made you believe he was a well-spoken man. You were unsure how exactly you ended up with that conclusion.
“Thank you.” both of your hands reached to the hem of your apron, glancing down at it, checking for possible damages. But, as he alleged, it was perfectly fine. Another moment of silence went by, then you slowly returned to reality. You occupied your according place behind the counter. Back straightened & regained composure. “Apologies for my unprofessional behavior. I will ensure you a discount for your purchase. Right…what did you need?” your rambling was mortifying. Hiding your emotions was not necessarily one of your skilled characteristics.
“Please, do not bother with special treatments.” one of his hands raised in front of his chest, signaling that he was being serious. It did not change that, deep down, you felt poorly. “I was actually looking for…” a chuckle interrupted his speech. “I am uncultured regarding this area, truthfully. If you offer me your assistance now then the two of us are even.” the following wink made you all giddy. What was it about him?
“Okay, well…” your previous painstakingness was pushed down. “What is the occasion?” it was always surprising to gain new customers. His accent betrayed him a little. And what a sweet betrayal it was.
“A decisive meeting with a higher up. An efficient first impression would be convenient.” he enlightened you, choosing his words carefully. Well-spoken he was but that was manifested from the very beginning.
“Any preferred colors, types?” one of your eyebrows perked up. Moving your body around the counter & in the middle of the modest shop, you reacted unwillingly after brushing past his frame. Your shoulder barely grazing but enough to trigger uneven breaths.
“How does a common purchase for such an event look like?” you peered over your shoulder, a bit of amusement written over your features. While he appeared like a literate man, ten times wiser than you, this was a field you surpassed with ease. A quick glimpse on your forearm, where a barely functioning watch swathed your wrist caressingly, confirmed your previous assumption. There was still a load of time left until the shop’s actual occupation. You could bestow him your aggregate attention. The unnamed stranger absorbed your every word of your explanation. Your eyes sparkled with a newly witnessed enthusiasm. The fact that he did not heckle your talk during the entirety of your tour through the shop brought you desired satisfaction. He was the first person to display genuine interest in your employment.
“God, please excuse me trailing off. I did not intend to bore you.” all of a sudden, your energetic self switched to an insecure one.
“I can assure you that you did not bore me. Not for one second.” his affirming smile calmed your incertitude. Together, the two of you picked up various individual flowers. A compiled bouquet would portray him in the best light. Your hands moved on their own. You could still hold a conversation with the man on the other end of the wooden table. It separated the back of the shop from the front, main area. His fascination for you expanded by every further move you performed. Lastly, you wrapped the ends of the stems with a fine, almost sheer paper. To secure everything & hold it in place, you braided a ribbon that matched the color of the textile.
“All done.” you showcased the finished product to him, a small, gratified smile adorning your face. “What do you think?” the question was almost shy, it needed reassurance. Which made him ponder why you were so doubtful of yourself & your abilities. To him, you prepared the most gorgeous bouquet he had ever caught a sight of.
“Plainly astonishing.” his praise warmed you from deep within. “You really do have an unbelievable talent.” you thanked him quietly, eyes flickering down to avoid his intense stare. By no means was it displeasing or inadvertent. It was sweet & thoughtful. You wanted to extend his stay, fearing that this would be a one-time interaction. But you could not remain on this high you were currently experiencing. The sound of the entrance bell fetched you back to the present. Another customer that needed attendance. Your togetherness approached an undesirable end. Controlled fingers punched a well-rehearsed pattern into the cash register. The blue numbers flashed for the man in the coat to see. Gloves & a fur-coat during spring? He was the only living soul you had ever met that made it work.
A wallet was pulled out of his pocket. Fine fingers retrieved the money. A beat went by. Two. Almost like he wanted to savor the little time you two had left. But your duties called. He would not use up any more of your duration. Maybe he had already overstepped & his appearance was no longer welcomed or appropriate. The notes were handed over. Your movements like a slow motion scene in your favorite movie. The scenery grasping your every bit of attentiveness. It was something you wanted to remember. To think back & hope to perceive that same feeling you experienced during the first time. You reached for it. The moment his clothed hand touched your smooth skin stilled the world once again. The gentle brush of his thumb over the back of your hand could have been missed if it was not for your body to be this alerted.
“Thank you for your exceedingly helpful guidance, …?” his eyes looked up at you sheepishly. You knew what he was intending. It was a silent question for your name. And you were more than eager to comply.
“(Y/N).” it was short, adequate. His smirk held a deeper meaning. What it was exactly, you could not identify.
“Why, thank you, (Y/N).” his emphasis was on your name. The way it rolled from his tongue was mesmerizing. You found yourself craving to hear that sound constantly. But you were not even sure if it was naïve to hope for his return. He would exit any second. Leaving behind a pit only he could fill. Your train of thought converted into utter despair. He was your customer. Nothing more. Nothing less.
“You never told me your name.” you called out when he was almost out of the door. One last time, he glanced over his shoulder. The fur tickling his chin a bit. One last time, you studied the way his lips lifted. One last time, you believed.
“Helmut.” he replied. “It was nice meeting you.” his hand pushed the door open. His body moved through the doorway. As fast as he entered your life, he left just as quickly.
“You too.” you whispered but he was no longer here to listen to your words. Your face fell, the previous spark in your eyes completely gone. The person in front of you waited until you paid all of your attention to them. It took a lot of effort but you managed in the end. The only difference was that they were not him. Nobody would ever be him again. But he vanished. Like dust in the wind, blowing away his remaining scent that had filled your nostrils.
Was it possible to crave a person you barely knew? Your subconscious sprinkled salt in your wound. Brains could be ridiculous. Nonsense. The teasing of your dreams, in the dark of the calm night, was echoing. Ricocheting off the walls that kept your emotions buried inside. Similar to being the main character in a horror film, desperately looking for a way out but being trapped no matter what. Why were you reacting like that? Why did Helmut waltz into your shop without any restrictions, turning your entire life, your entire world, upside down? He was one mysterious man. Uncommon, remarkable. Someone who swept you off your feet by simply being. One charming smile & you were gone for. The first words he directed to you & he gained you wholly. The worst part of it all was that he had no idea what he did to you. He had no idea that your thoughts were solely revolving around him ever since his entrance to the store. His entrance to your heart. What was happening to you? You had to move on, that much was clear. Truth was, you abominated that thought. Your focus had to shift. Back to your work, back to your task.
The following day started off with a bad mood. Certainly, the upcoming hours would be draining. You could not allow the shop’s closure. Not even for a day. Your family’s existence depended on it. Everything was the same. Chirping birds, a cool breeze, a short walk. The peacefulness before customers visited. Yet, everything was not the same at all. Because there was this nagging feeling inside of you & you knew you could not get rid of it. The ringing sound caught you off guard. It was unusual. Only once had someone entered this early in the mornings. And this one time was yesterday. Your shock was visible. Helmut’s presence was unexpected but definitely not unsought.
“Helmut?” your voice was an octave higher. The excitement emitting from you.
“Good morning, (Y/N).” he strutted closer to you. The same gloves, the same coat. The same offbeat & arcane man.
“What brings you here today?” your head tilted, trying to find a possible explanation for his return. “Wait. Was the bouquet improper?” immediately, thousands of dark, negative thoughts were rushing through you. You did your very best with the flower’s arrangement. Never before had you spent this much time & effort.
“No, not at all.” one of his hands raised & rested on your shoulder, squeezing the tiniest bit. You had to take a deep breath in order to stay calm. As calm as it was possible with him around. “The exact opposite. Which is why I am here again. Could you assist me once more?”
“Of course. What were you envisioning? Who are the flowers for?” your elbows propped onto the countertop, gazing lovingly into his orange shining brown eyes.
“I meant to ask for your favorites. You strike me as one with fantastic taste.” Helmut certainly had a way with words. No matter what he said, you found yourself captivated by him. The topic could be dreary but he made it sound fascinating.
“My favorites? It’s tough to choose one when there are so many stunning options.” you quieted down for a few seconds to really contemplate your answer. It was flattering that he asked for your opinion. “If you make me pick then I’d say…hmm, probably (Y/F/F).”
“Perfect. I would like to purchase a bouquet then.” right away, you got to work. Helmut watched your skilled hands. His enthusiasm only died down when he saw the frown forming on your face. “What is it?”
“Huh?” you were in your thoughts. His question was almost missed by you.
“That frown. Where is it coming from?” only Helmut could be so straight forward about such a small detail he had noticed. Would you tell him the truth? You should not. He did not need to know that your mood turned sour because he bought more flowers. This time, he did not let you know about the purpose of them. Another dinner with a higher up? Highly unlikely. But not entirely impossible. You assumed he would gift them to a woman. Hence why you sidestepped his question masterly.
“I believe it happens when I’m focused on my task.” you hoped your smile was reassuring but Helmut saw right through you. In the end, he did not comment on it. There was a building tension between you two. This time around, there were no lingering touches. He left the shop once again & it was clear that this was it. Helmut would not come back again. And maybe it was for the better. Your heart was too fragile to be crushed by his bare hands. It was not fair to blame basically a stranger. He had a life you had no insight on. But the aching could not be ignored.
Just as you wanted to lock the door to your shop for your lunch break, a voice reached your ears, followed by hurried footsteps. Turning around to look for the cause of it, you were shocked for a second time today. It was Helmut. The same bouquet he had purchased earlier clasped in one of his hands. The other one balanced two cups of coffee. As much as you wanted to withhold your smile, it was inevitable to repress.
“(Y/N)!” he was slightly out of breath. “I expected you were gone already.”
“Good that your expectation was wrong.” the warmth that filled your body was endearing.
“Here.” he handed you the flowers & your eyebrows furrowed. “For you.” he explained further when you made no move to reach for them.
“Why?” you inquired but grabbed the bouquet from him anyway. His posture relaxed & the grip on the cups was more secure.
“May I invite you on a walk through the town?” he suggested shyly. “I brought you coffee. I do hope it is after your liking?” the last part was a question. A sign that he doubted himself the slightest.
“I’m sure it’ll be delightful.” you eased his mind immediately. The cup was placed in your other hand. “Could you wait here for a minute? I should put them in a vase.” he motioned for you to go ahead. Your heart was doing backflips. It all fell into place now. You pieced everything together. He asked for your favorite flowers earlier today because he intended to give them to you. His plan was to spend your lunch break together. Helmut really went out of his way for you. His efforts were mellow. Returning outside once again, he patiently stood in the same spot. The softness of his features were rare on a man like him. You had met people similar to him but he was different. Helmut was that type of many who bought you flowers & made time to spend more with you.
You knew the town by heart. So did Helmut. But exploring the beautiful spots together felt like you were espying every corner, every building, for the very first time. Conversation flowed easily. Laughter was shared, loving glances were exchanged. He gave you a feeling of belonging. Like you were supposed to be right here from the very beginning. It felt right. With a man like him on your side, your life quality would finally improve. Helmut would be the one to quench your cravings. And you would not want it any other way.
Published (05/04/2021) by Cathy
✨MY Ko-fi PAGE✨
Tags: @takacsgram, @hiddlestoner-cumberbitch, @bibliophilewednesday, @yallgotkik, @noavengers, @lieutenantn, @birdieofloxley, @aisling1985, @trelaney, @sebastian-stan-d-on-my-throat, @thewinterrbucky, @loveinthemadness, @princess-yuna (thanks for your support <3)
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congratulations!!!
Thank you! 💗 If you haven’t already sent in a prompt, feel free to do so :)
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WE DID IT! For my 🎉1k Followers Celebration🎉 send me a dialogue + a character & I'll write a short story around it!
Thanks for your support, I appreciate every single one of you! ❤
Preferred characters: Helmut Zemo, Sam Wilson, Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, almost everyone from Marvel, Malcolm Bright, ... (ask if you're not sure)
I have a Ko-fi page if you wanna support me there ✨ (no pressure sweeties)
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You’re Not Sorry - Part Two (Sebastian Stan x Reader)
[Actors-Masterlist]
Gold Rush [1] / You're Not Sorry [2] / [3] soon
Summary: Sebastian was in a relationship. Happy. Thriving. All while forgetting about your existence entirely. But two could play that game. You were over & done feeling used.
Words: 3,154
Warnings: language, ANGST, feels, hurt, Did I say I’d fix this? Yes. But I also said that it gets worse before it gets better., (Y/F/O) = your favorite outfit, (Y/H/S) = your hair style, (Y/E/C) = your eye color
Inspired by: "You're Not Sorry (Taylor's Version)" by Taylor Swift
If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤
Life had been dragging itself along ever since the news of Sebastian openly dating & confirming his new relationship via Instagram. At first, you believed that your friendship would not be affected by it. How wrong you were with that assumption. Calls had been declined, messages had been left without a reply & soon, unread. He was probably on a high right now. That was the usual procedure of every new love, right? Only having eyes for your partner. Forgetting the consistent people in your life in the process. Nights had been spent wide awake, crying bitter tears. Not even Anthony could help you out of this dark hole you found yourself in. Apparently, Seb had not reached out to him either. Did that make you feel any better? Not necessarily.
Obviously, the media was going crazy. Fans were freaking out. Sebastian’s friends congratulated him. Wished him all the luck in the world. So did you. He was your best friend. Best friends were supposed to stay in contact. They let you in on their change. Opened up about the feelings they were currently going through. But it seemed like you were being completely forgotten. The hope you once held had been disappearing slowly. Days went by without a single word from his side. Days turned into weeks. One word messages had stopped a while ago. So you stopped reaching out to him as well.
It was clear as day. You were not important to him. Not like you used to think. Distractions were not as successful as you hoped for them to be. Because every corner of this city reminded you of him. Of all the memories you two shared. That was in the past. Sebastian was ready to create new memories. With her. The thought itself brought tears to your eyes. Whether you wanted to or not, you had to move on. If you did not turn your life around, it would destroy you in the worst way possible.
While you were by no means at a point where you wanted to be, you definitely were on the right path. More often, you found yourself smiling. Not fully. It did not reach your eyes. Not quite yet. But the corners of your mouth lifted up every now & then. You went out before you locked yourself inside your apartment. The fresh air cleared your thoughts. Made room for new ones to replace the painful memories. And Seb slipped your mind more frequently. People came. People went. Only a selectable amount would stay for good. A while ago, you were certain he was one of the people you would grow old with. You knew better now. And you had nothing but well-wishes for him. If he was truly happy, everything was okay. Not perfect, but okay.
All this time I was wasting hoping you would come around
I’ve been giving out chances every time and all you do is let me down
And it’s taken me this long, baby, but I figured you out
And you’re thinking we’ll be fine again, but not this time around
Your phone rang. When his name showed up on screen, your face fell. Maybe you were not over him at all. If reading his name on your phone still let your heart beat faster then you were still a lost soul. But you would not give him the satisfaction of picking up. You would not be available for him whenever he thought it to be suitable. So you waited. Until the silence was way too prominent again. Your heartbeat the only thing left to listen to. What if something happened? What if he needed something? What if he needed…you? No. You would not go down that road again. Your body had been everything but healthy. It took a while to get back on track. The rollercoaster of your emotions would not go downhill just yet. The high was supposed to stay longer. Just a little while longer.
“I’m sorry.” the message came a few minutes after the uncomfortable quiet. Tears rolled down your cheeks. Was he apologizing for his lack of communication? As curious as you were, you ignored it. Like he did with all of your previous attempts. It was a taste of his own medicine. For once in your life, you were selfish. So what? After all the hurt you had been through, you were allowed to put yourself first. If he comprehended you or not was none of your business. Not anymore.
You don’t have to call anymore
I won’t pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don’t wanna hurt anymore
And you can tell me that you’re sorry
But I don’t believe you, baby, like I did before
You’re not sorry (No, no, no, no)
“(Y/N)! We still on for lunch?” you were on the phone with Anthony. It was warm, the sun providing the perfect amount of heat to be comfortable outside without sweating or freezing.
“Of course. I’ll bring the script I told you about. But only if you promise me not to tell anyone!” you exclaimed, giggling. Your next job was close. The first one after your role in “The Falcon And The Winter Soldier”. To you, it was a change to really close that chapter in your life. Soon, you would turn the page & start anew.
“You have my word.” he promised you. After a short talk, you ended the call. There was still quite some time left before you had to be at the restaurant so you decided to get ready.
A quick glance in the mirror & you could not help the smile forming on your face. You were rocking (Y/F/O). Your (Y/H/S) contemplated your (Y/E/C) eyes perfectly. Why the hell would you need a partner if you looked like that? You were good enough. Alone or not, you were good enough. Finally, you could recognize yourself again. Not the changed version of you after everything that had happened. No, this reflection, it was you. Like in good old times. Anthony would notice as well. And you knew he would express how proud he was of you. Because you did that yourself. Help had been offered to you from all sides. Deep down, you knew you had to do this on your own. And it brought you here. Not entirely repaired but enough to work properly again.
You were early. Possibly because you were too excited. Possibly because, for the first time in forever, you were happy, enthusiastic. Content. The table you occupied stood outside, hidden enough for you guys to have privacy. Your phone kept you company during your wait. Footsteps were approaching & your head lifted up. The sun blinded you & you had to squint your eyes & use your hand as a shield to make out the figures coming closer. But wait a second. Figures? Plural? Last time you checked, it was supposed to be Anthony & you. And usually, he let you know about changes & asked you if you were fine with another person tagging along. No explanation was needed, though. You would have recognized the silhouette from anywhere. And his strut was way too familiar to be mistaken for anyone else. Your previous grin was replaced with a blank expression. Your eyes locked with his & you hated your body’s reaction when he shot you one of his charming smiles. Though there was another emotion behind his look this time. Sympathy? Maybe?
“(Y/N), hey!” Anthony was the first one to greet you. Standing up, you pulled him into a big hug. Squeezing him a little tighter than you would usually do. “Hope you don’t mind this guy coming along. Last minute decision.” he clarified. Your head shook, brushing it off. Pretending that it did not bother you. Thanks to your profession, he bought your petty excuse & did not suspect anything.
“Hi.” Seb put one of his hands out of his pocket, raising it in a small wave. His shoulders did not hold the same posture as they did before. Though you were unsure if it was because of the awkward situation or because of something entirely different. Was it appropriate to hug him? You had never gone that long without meeting each other. It was like you were in first grade, gaining the courage to ask your crush out on a date. But this was the harsh reality of adulthood. In the end, you went for a nod as greeting. Your body was craving his warmth but you would not give in. It would only throw you back again. Anthony, aware of the rough patch you were all going through, did not comment on it. For once, he did not joke around. He simply took a seat. And here you were. The three of you. Together again. But the difference was this newly developed tension. Conversation felt harder than ever before. Eye contact was not possible. At least not from your side.
Anthony excused himself to go to the bathroom. Which meant that you were alone. With him. Your heart picked up its pace. It took all of your efforts to keep your breathing regular. Not only were you reacting mentally to him. No, the physical part was just as bad. If not worse. Because you felt pain you had not even believed to exist.
“(Y/N)…” Sebastian’s voice was soft. Already, there were tears threatening to escape. Your walls were not about to crumble. The first mistake was you looking up, meeting his eyes on the way. “I’m sorry.”
“What for?” you snapped. He was taken aback by your outburst. You were not the kind of person for harsh replies. But then again, he had not heard from you in so long. Someone could change a lot during that time. “For spending time with your girl? You don’t owe me an apology for that. I get it.” you took your glass in one of your hands & raised it to your lips. The cool liquid soothed your throat & washed away the knot that had been forming there.
“We haven’t been spending time lately.” he pointed out the obvious. “And…I miss you.” that phrase angered you. Your messages & calls had been ignored but now, sitting opposite of you, he told you he missed you. Took him a long time to figure that out.
“It’s alright.” you knew it was not. He knew it was not. “Your relationship should be your priority.” your gaze averted. Your focus was on one of the trees & you watched the leaves being moved by the wind.
“But what if you lose the most important person in the process?” Seb whispered, sending chills down your spine.
“Then they weren’t as important to you. Because if they were, you wouldn’t have lost them.” you answered, sadness filled each word.
“Please.” he tried again but you simply shook your head.
“What, Sebastian?” his eyes widened when you used his full name. Usually, it was Sebby. Sometimes Seb. But never Sebastian. Not even when you first met did you call him by his full name. That was when he noticed the seriousness of the situation. “What are you begging for, huh?”
“Not begging. But I’m asking you to listen.” he reached across the table, wanting to envelop one of your hands with his own. Before he could touch you, you retreated it & put it in your lap.
“I’m tired.” you admitted. “Do you know the feelinng when you realize that your efforts aren’t enough anymore & you watch someone slipping away without anything you can do to change it? That shit hurts. But you have to accept your fate sooner or later. Because, when you care for someone, you will do everything for them. Whether it’s in your favor or not. When you care for someone, you wish them happiness. And you do everything in your might to help them to achieve it. Sometimes, it means letting them go.”
“That was never my intention.” but you heard enough. Standing up, you pulled some money out, enough to pay for everything, & tried to walk away without another word. His hand grabbed your wrist & halted your movements. You looked over your shoulder one last time. One last time, you examined his face. Reminisced it. So you could dream about it at night. If it were not for your complicated situation, you would have believed that the same person sat here in this moment. The same person you met so long ago. If you did not know any better, you would have believed that everything was fine. But it was not. And that was fine, too. Had to be. There was a small smile from you before you turned around again & walked out of his life. Just like he did. His hand left your skin. It was too warm to feel this cold. Your body was incomplete. Without him, you were not whole. Some people would never be complete, you figured. The one thing you could do was taking that next step. That next step forward. Bringing as much distance between you & the hurtful past as possible.
You’re looking so innocent, I might believe you if I didn’t know
Could’ve loved you all my life if you hadn’t left me waiting in the cold
And you’ve got your share of secrets
And I’m tired of being last to know, oh
And now you’re asking me to listen ‘cause it’s worked each time before
Of course you could put the blame on Anthony. He only meant well. Besides, you were too tired to be mad at another one of your best friends. That would only result to you losing another one of the most important people in your life. The conversation you had with Seb recalled itself over & over. Like your mind could only concentrate on this. Again, you could feel yourself falling down this dark pit. All because of one stupid interaction. Your phone had been overthrown with countless messages. Apology after apology. Did he really think a simple phone call or a heartfelt message would have you crawling right back to him? Well, if he did then he was one dumb man. There were so many different ways to contact you. Not once had he been in front of your door, knocking until his knuckles started bleeding. Begging for you to open up, to let him in. To listen. It was only attempted through a damn phone. A look on social media was enough to let all your pity wash away. Sebastian’s new girl was not shy to post about how amazing their relationship was going. It was kind of his duty, as a good boyfriend, to repost her pictures, to write cute comments. Why did it still hurt? He gave you every reason not to care anymore. Yet, here you were, dreaming about a man who had cut you deep. For the longest time, he made no move to treat your mental wounds. Why all of a sudden? Did he realize that life without you was not worth living? Why did he have to make it even harder for you?
But you don’t have to call anymore
I won’t pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don’t wanna hurt anymore
And you can tell me that you’re sorry
But I don’t believe you, baby, like I did before
You’re not sorry (No, no)
You’re not sorry (No, no)
The fact that interviewers kept asking you questions about Sebastian’s relationship did not help the process of getting over him. You understood why they questioned you. It was quite known that the two of you were best friends. And before it was confirmed that Seb was dating, it was rumored that you & him were in a secret relationship. It was tough to pretend to be fine. It was tough to act like it did not face you one bit. Pretending was exhausting, damaging. Your duty as a best friend was showing full support. Even though you had not heard from him since the time you had lunch together. That was not entirely true. He did reach out to you but you did not answer. Technically, you heard from him but then again, your communication was one-sided. Looking back, it was unthinkable that you would have done everything to please Seb. You would have taken that extra mile for him. You would have gone out of your way for him. But it was clear that he did not appreciate it. And he sure as hell did not care about it. He took your support for granted. He took you for granted. Now, that you were not an active part of his life anymore, he realized how lonely it could get. Lonely because your presence used to be his normal. Why would he care about his relationship if that meant losing you? How did he let it get that far? It was true, you only truly valued something after it was gone. That thought still had to settle in. You were gone. For real.
You had me crawling for you, honey, and it never would’ve gone away, no
You used to shine so bright, but I watched all of it fade
So what? Maybe you started at the ground once more. You managed to climb up that ladder once, you could do it again. It was nothing new, after all. You were used to it. How broken could a person be? How much could one person carry alone? How much longer until you were not strong enough to pull yourself up again? But you would not shatter by the hands of one man. You were better than that. So much better. You deserved so much better. While you did not realize that just yet, you would get there. Eventually. And you were not entirely alone. Anthony was still there, being as supportive as ever. Being that light in the dark of the night. Leading you through the sinister area, making sure you would reach your home safely. There were people who wanted to see you happy as well. Not Sebastian. But people who would put just as much effort into you as you did with him. Time. Again, you needed time. Perseverance. So you could make it out of this even stronger. Even if it meant walking through hell.
So you don’t have to call anymore
I won’t pick up the phone
This is the last straw
There’s nothing left to beg for
And you can tell me that you’re sorry
But I don’t believe you, baby, like I did before
You’re not sorry (No, no)
You’re not sorry (No, no)
(No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no ,no, no, no, no)
Woah, oh, oh oh, oh oh oh
(Oh, oh, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no)
~to be continued~
Gold Rush [1] / You're Not Sorry [2] / [3] soon
Published (05/02/2021) by Cathy
Tags: @queen-sands, @angelspov, @sarahivi, @jackiehollanderr, @roguesthetic, @katerine014, @fanofalltheficsx, @whandstied, @marvelelizabeth, @whatareyouhidingpeter, @lucylikesbees, @weareironmanbitches, @k-corbett, @ferxaniti, @illicitaffaiirss, @rorysreallyrandom, @sltwins, @hanindy (thanks for your support <3)
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writingtoforgetreality · 10 days ago
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Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - Little Movie Star Chapter Seven (Jensen Ackles x Daughter!Reader)
[Actors-Masterlist], [Little Movie Star-Masterlist]
Previous Chapter / Next Chapter (05/08/2021)
Summary: Holidays were around the corner & you were more than a little anxious. How did one celebrate Christmas? You had no money for expensive gifts. Well, that meant you had to improvise. Hopefully, it was enough for them.
Words: 3,526
Warnings: Christmas Chapter in May?, anxiety, language, fluff, cute gift exchange <3
~2016~
That night, Jared left your room after you fell asleep. No matter how many times you begged him not to tell anyone about your panic attack, he could not do that. So as the party slowly died down, he pulled Jensen & Danneel aside & told them what he had witnessed. Obviously, they were concerned about you. Yet, they did not go to you right away. If you were ready to open up to them, you would. Still, they kept a closer eye on you from then on, noticing smaller signs of you struggling with anxiety. Jensen hated that you kept this part of you hidden. But he understood that there was a long way for you to fully trust a person & you simply were not there yet. They had to accept it, whether they liked it or not.
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Supernatural had a lot to film before the holidays & Jensen had not really been a consistent part in Vancouver because of him flying back & forth. He felt bad when he told you he had to go back filming until the beginning of December. Brushing him off, you assured him that you guys would be fine alone. Besides, you also had Gen & the kids to entertain you. Over the short time, you had grown close to them. You loved whenever Tom & Shep came by to play with JJ & they wanted you to be a part of it. There were some times when Danneel, Gen & you would have a girls day together. At first, it was a lot for you, but you had grown to love them. At the same time, Danneel & you got to know each other way better, especially with Jensen being back in Vancouver.
Holidays were approaching fast & you had no idea how to deal with it. You had never celebrated Christmas before & were not sure if you should get your new family presents or not. Were they people who valued gifts? Would you receive some? Of course you would, you knew the Ackles’ by now. So you had to think of something. Fast. There was no way you could spend a lot of money on these presents. Not because you did not want to but because it would not be your money. You had saved up a little bit & it would do for small gifts. Then you had an idea.
“Where are you going?” Danneel asked when she saw you putting your shoes on. You coughed shortly, trying to think of an excuse. She knew you did not like going anywhere alone so she was surprised when she found you getting ready.
“Um, just wanna take a walk. I won’t be gone too long.” you promised her & before she could answer, you were out of the door. Danneel was confused by your behavior but she thought it to be positive that you were going outside on your own. Clearly, she had no idea that you were going shopping for Christmas presents.
After buying all the stuff that you needed, you started preparing the presents. You still had over a month left but you wanted to start earlier, just in case. It was not a lot, definitely not expensive, but you hoped they still liked it after unwrapping it. When you realized that you had no idea how to wrap a present, you embarrassingly had to check YouTube for a how-to video. After a few failed attempts & you growing frustrated because you clearly were too dumb to get it done correctly. In the end, you managed to wrap everything. It was by no means good or perfect but you could see what it was supposed to represent.
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“How was filming?” you asked Jensen after he came back home.
“It was good. We had a lot of fun, as always.” he answered with a laugh.
“So…can you tell me what happens?” managing your best puppy dog eyes, something Jared had learned you over facetime while they were shooting, Jensen simply shook his head at you.
“Forget it, young lady. You’re a fan of the show, I won’t give away any spoilers, you have to wait like everyone else.”
“You don’t have to wait.” sighing exaggeratingly, you wanted to argue with him.
“Next season you won’t have to.” this made your smile grow wider. He was right, you would start in a few months & you could not wait to receive your first script. “Besides…The guys told me that they can’t wait to finally meet you & work with you.” Jensen looked at you, watching your reacting.
“Fingers crossed they won’t regret casting me.” you joked which made him laugh. He knew you were not serious but the meaning behind your words left an uneasiness in him.
“They won’t, trust me.” he reassured you. Hopefully he was right.
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Decorating for Christmas was fun. Even Jared & Gen came over to help you out a little. You all planned to spend Christmas Eve together at your house so you could celebrate Christmas the next morning together as well. This would be the first time you were not entirely alone on this holiday. Hell, you had no idea how to celebrate Christmas in the first place. What were you supposed to do? Maybe you would be just fine if push came to shove.
Two more days until Christmas Eve & you could not help but grow more anxious the closer it got. Your fear of doing anything wrong was so big that you barely had time to enjoy the Christmas spirit. Whatever that was anyway…Knocking on the front door that belonged to the house next to yours, you fiddled with your hands, now feeling stupid for coming over in the middle of the night. They were probably asleep, they would not even hear your attempt of knocking. To your surprise, the door opened only a few seconds later.
“(Y/N)? You alright?” it was Jared, his hair tousled from being asleep. Shit, you did wake him. Great, now you were feeling even worse. Shaking your head, Jared ushered you inside quickly.
“What’s up? It’s…” he looked at his phone to check the time. “3 am.”
“I sneaked out.” you confessed.
“And you did that because..?” Jared was confused. Never before had you shown up at his house in the middle of the night. Whatever was bothering you, it was serious, he could tell. He noticed your trembling hands before you had the chance to answer him. Immediately, he walked you over to his couch to sit down. Making sure to send Jensen a quick text just in case he woke up & could not find you, he put his phone away again, focusing entirely on you.
“I’m sorry.” your voice was quiet & Jared felt his heart breaking.
“Don’t be.” he assured you. “Is there anything you need me to do for you?” he spoke softly, showing you that he was not about to leave you.
“I don’t know, I just…ugh.” throwing your head back in frustration, you were angry at yourself for being so childish. Yet, you did not know what else to do. Jared was the only person who knew a little about what you were struggling with. So you did what you thought was right. Knocking on his door at 3 am. Maybe it was not the best decision you ever made.
“Hey, it’s okay. Deep breaths.” he instructed & you followed through. “There you go. You can talk to me, (Y/N).”
“You’d think it’s stupid.”
“Try me.” his answer got a little laugh out of you. Jared’s eyes grew wider when you did.
“I’m scared of Christmas.” you admitted embarrassingly. When Jared did not say anything, you continued. “This is my first time celebrating & I don’t know what to do or what is appropriate or how you guys usually celebrate it or if you expect something from me or-“ Jared interrupted your rambling.
“Hey, hey, hey. (Y/N). I can assure you that nobody expects anything from you. Except maybe the fact that you are there. That’s all that matters. You being with us to celebrate Christmas together.” Jared’s eyes showed nothing but understanding. Your conversation went on for a little longer & when you wanted to leave his house, he told you to sleep in their guest room for the night. Too tired & exhausted to argue any more with him, you let him lead you to the spare room where you embraced the soft sheets right away. It felt good to open up to someone but you did not understand why you were okay with telling Jared but when it came to Jensen & Danneel, you chickened out.
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When you woke up next morning, you got startled for a second, briefly forgetting about last night’s events. What would you tell Jensen & Danneel? Getting up & using the bathroom that was attached to the guest room, you were surprised to find clothes on the counter. Assuming Jared was the one who put them there, a small smile made its way on your face. A quick shower would not be too bad so you hopped inside quickly, letting the warm water soothe your skin. After drying off your body, you put on the clothes Jared had prepared for you. A pair of sweatpants & one of his hoodies. Well, you were not sure if he ever got this one back, if you were honest. You knew your way through the Padalecki’s house by now, due to you spending a lot of time there lately. Paddling through the hallway, you heard distant voices coming from the kitchen area.
“Good morning, (Y/N)! Breakfast is about to be done.” Jared spoke up before you could even see him. What was it with him & his spidey senses?
“Morning, Jared. Sorry again for las-“ coming to a halt right after walking inside the room. Jensen & Danneel were already sitting at the table. Shit, you did not expect that.
“I invited them over for breakfast.” Jared told you. Oh, really? You almost missed that.
“Yeah, I can see that.” chuckling & slowly walking over to a chair, your eyes focused on the floor, too embarrassed to look Jensen & Danneel in the eyes. They were about to yell at you for sneaking out in the middle of the night without telling them anything.
“Am I dreaming or is Jared really making breakfast?” Gen walked into the room & everyone laughed at her comment, even you. Surprisingly, breakfast went by smoothly. Nobody mentioned last night & you were more than thankful for it. But you also knew that Jared most likely talked to Jensen & Danneel about what happened anyway. Who were you kidding, though? They were probably aware of the panic attack you had during the party a while ago. Jared only meant well but still…this entire thing made you extremely uncomfortable. You hated that more & more of yourself got revealed to them & you could not do shit to stop it. Being vulnerable in front of them was awful. Hell, they had more important things to worry about than you & your stupid problems.
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“(Y/N)? Can you come here real quick, please?” Jensen asked you after being back in your house again.
“Sure, what’s up?” you were nervous about what he wanted from you but you had to give yourself that. You played it incredibly cool. Like there was nothing wrong at all.
“So for Christmas Eve, we’re doing a movie night, right?” he knew the answer to that question but still decided to ask. After nodding your head, he kept on. “What’s your favorite Christmas movie?” that caught you off guard. He asked you? Why would he ask you?
“Um, I love “Home Alone” but the munchkins shouldn’t watch that.” you concluded. A while ago, whenever you talked about all the kids, you called them munchkins. You found it cute.
“True.” Jensen chuckled.
“I’m sure they’d love “Frozen”, though.” this made Jensen sigh loudly & you laughed at his antics. In all the time you had been with them, you sure as hell had watched that movie about thirty times. No kidding. Really.
“Okay, you know what? We’ll start off with “Frozen” & after the kids are asleep, we’ll watch “Home Alone”, is that alright?”
“Sure, if you guys don’t wanna watch another Christmas movie.”
“Not at all. This one’s perfect.” his smile eased you & you loved the fact that he wanted to include you in their tradition. Yep, Jared definitely told him.
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Christmas Eve dinner was delicious & you did not feel anxious at all. Chatting, laughing & enjoying each other’s company was more than enough. Your movie marathon was perfect, too. During “Frozen”, you found yourself singing along to each song, as did the little ones. Well, they tried, at least. Everyone was happy to see you enjoying yourself. When you were like that, nobody could tell that you had a shitty past or that you were still struggling with the consequences of it. This was the first time that Jensen had heard you sing & he was surprised that your voice was actually pretty damn good. Maybe you would sing with him one day, who knew? The kids went to sleep & the five of you watched “Home Alone”, happy that the others were enjoying this movie as well. Before you guys went to bed, too, Jensen, Danneel, Jared & Gen placed a bunch of presents under the big, decorated tree. You wanted to wait to add your presents to the other stacks until everyone was fast asleep. So you sneaked out of your room later that night to do exactly that.
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Three kids jumping up & down on your bed woke you from your peaceful slumber. Each of them yelled at you to get up because Santa brought so many presents overnight. Smiling at their excitement, you dragged yourself out of bed & went downstairs. The others were already there. Stopping for a short moment, you took everything in & processed the scene in front of you. This was all so new to you. Everybody had a big smile plastered on their face. Was this what you had missed all these years? JJ took your hand & dragged you over to where the others were already seated.
Presents started being exchanged, kids first, of course. Grabbing three small packages, you walked over to JJ & kneeled down to her. The twins were asleep but you planned on giving them their presents later today. You bought a small, soft blanket for each of them.
“There you go, princess. Merry Christmas.” JJ took her present from you & lost no time in unwrapping it. Her smile widened & she proudly held up the pink magic wand you got her. But there was more to this present.
“I got this when I was your age. Bill gave it to me because I always wanted to be a princess in a huge castle on a hill somewhere. I want you to have it, JJ. Take care of it.” she threw her hands around your neck & you pulled her closer. Danneel had tears in her eyes when she heard your story. Jensen wrapped an arm around her. He, too, was moved by what you told JJ. They did not expect you to give any of them any presents. Yet, you went out of your way.
“Tom? Shep?” their heads perked up when they heard their names being called. You each handed them a package, glad that they were too young to care about how neatly your wrapped them.
“Merry Christmas.” smiling when they started unwrapping their gifts, they let out excited squeals when they saw what you got them. They were the biggest Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fans. Tom got Leonardo & Michelangelo, Shep held Donatello & Raphael in his small hands. They thanked you again & again until you laughed at them, assuring that it was more than fine.
“Just, don’t argue over them, okay? You gotta share those.” they nodded at you & immediately started playing with the figures. Alright, at least the kids were happy with their gifts.
“Jared? Gen?” you eyed them nervously. “I-I know it’s not much but…Merry Christmas.” you handed them their gift, fiddling with your hands. Jared let Gen open it. A small picture frame revealed itself. You put a picture of the three of you inside. You took it in their backyard, all of you wearing the “Family Has Your Back” hoodie.
“This is more than enough.” Gen started.
“It’s perfect, (Y/N).” Jared finished & waited for you to make a move. If you were the one to initiate a hug, they would not decline. Their smiles got wider when you pulled them into a tight hug.
“Merry Christmas, guys. This is a thank you for everything that you’ve done for me. I don’t know what I did to deserve you..” before you got too emotional, you handed them their package. It was a little bigger & therefore poorly wrapped. “Sorry about the wrapping paper. I suck at that.” you laughed uncomfortably. Danneel only brushed you off, telling you that it was just perfect. They both gasped when they saw what you gave them. You made a painting of the two of them in a pop-art style. Thinking it would fit perfectly in the house & all.
“We need to find the perfect place for it.” Danneel squealed to which Jensen nodded.
“Thank you, angel.” Jensen pulled you into a tight hug, one that Danneel joined a second later. “You have talent.” he added after releasing you. Blushing at his words, you simply thanked him. A while ago, you would have argued, telling him that you were not that good. But you had improved when it came to accepting compliments. The others kept exchanging gifts & you sat by, watching their excitement whenever another present got opened. Slowly, your mood shifted. Maybe you would not receive anything from them? After all, you were still new to the family. That was okay. Did not change you from being sad about it, though. Not wanting to show your disappointment, you kept a smile on your face.
“I believe there is one person left without any presents.” Jensen spoke up & you looked at him with your head tilted. They did not forget about you? There were still two packages left & he grabbed one, Jared took the other.
“Merry Christmas.” all of them said, even the kids joined in. Why were there already tears threatening to spill? Nothing had happened yet.
“That’s not your actual present. But we thought it was the perfect timing to give it to you today.” Jared put one neatly wrapped gift in your lap & when you saw all of them waiting for you expectantly, you went to open it. No way. Was that real?
“Seriously?” you were shocked when you took a closer look at it. “The script for the next Avengers?” they nodded at you.
“Came in a few days ago. I actually wanted to give it to you right away but Danneel had the idea of giving it to you for Christmas.” Jensen explained.
“Thank you! This is…wow.” no words could be formed. You had to read through it later, for sure.
“Here.” Danneel handed you the second gift. “That’s from all of us & from a few others.” sending you a wink, you were left confused. JJ, Tom & Shep sat themselves around you, not wanting to miss anything. Delicately, you unwrapped the present, only for it to reveal a small book. It read “SPN Family” on the cover. There was also a small anti-possession symbol pictured. You were confused but when you asked what it was, they simply told you to have a look at it. Opening the first page, you could not control the tears any longer.
“(Y/N),
this book is filled with letters, pictures & more. Not only will you find our names in there, you will see that almost everyone who’s part of our Supernatural crew has left you a little something behind until you’ll join us on set. Read through it whenever things get tough or whenever you need something to cheer you up. Don’t forget that we’re always here for you, no matter what. You’re family & we care for you.
Merry Christmas, angel”
Jumping up, you ran over & gave each of them a tight hug. You let the tears flow freely, no longer caring about showing your emotions in front of them. The kids dragged you back to the couch, wanting to show you what they contributed to the book. All of them drew a few pictures & you were in awe. That was more than you could have ever imagined.
“Thanks, really. I-I don’t even know what to say.” wiping away your tears, they knew that it was the right decision to get you this present. It almost did not get finished but they managed to get it done in time. And it was freaking worth it.
~to be continued~
Next Chapter (05/08/2021)
Published (05/01/2021) by Cathy
Tags: @vicmc624​, @imaginationisgrowth​, @stoneyggirl​, @alyispunk​, @thevelvetseries​, @multifandomlover121​, @samsgirl93​, @supernatural3002​, @diabetes-03, @prettyybubblesintheair, @originalsoulcollector​, @vir-tual, @bellero​, @sergantbuckybarnes​, @namelesslosers​ (let me know if you wanna be tagged <3)
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writingtoforgetreality · 11 days ago
Text
Truth - TFATWS Rewrite Chapter Five (Bucky Barnes x Reader)
[Marvel-Masterlist], [TFATWS Rewrite-Masterlist]
Previous Chapter / Next Chapter
Summary: Sometimes, all it took was great company, a peaceful place to stay & a break from the harsh reality that haunted you daily. Sometimes, you needed a time-out.
Words: 9,032
Warnings: language, violence, angst, FLUFF (in capital letters because it’s a lot & we all deserve it after the last Chapter...), sarcasm, humor, sass, heart-to-heart, TFATWS spoilers
If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤
“Hey. Hey, look at me.” Bucky’s voice broke through the loud ringing in your ears & with much effort, you managed to lock your eyes with his. The tears had yet to stop & the shaking of your frame seemed to increase steadily. “I want you to go somewhere safe, do you hear me?” the nod you gave him was weak & you wanted to avert your gaze again. Bucky did not let it happen. His hands held your face in place. “Send me your location & Sam & I will get to you in a bit.”
“No.” your head shook frantically. “You shouldn’t run after him alone.” you pointed out.
“And you shouldn’t join a fight in your state.” Sam had waltzed over to you to, a hand on your shoulder. You knew they were right. All of a sudden, Bucky flinched back & you looked around to find the cause of it. Then it hit you. The sparks of your fingers were acting out. You had no control over them & you just hurt Bucky with them. Immediately, the guilt started setting in & more tears made their way down your cheeks. The same phrase “I’m so sorry.” was repeated by you, voice cracking every now & then. Both, Sam & Bucky, assured you that it was no problem, that things like that could happen. But what if you ever stumbled across someone who was not a super soldier? Someone who could not heal as fast? Your fists clenched at the mere thought of it. Your powers were a pain in the ass. Even when you thought you had full control over them, you had not. Each time you thought you did not have to worry any more about them, they convinced you of the opposite.
“I don’t wanna be alone.” you mumbled, embarrassed that you were still anxious about all of this. Bucky pressed a short but sweet kiss on your lips & reminded you of your task. Nodding at him, you set out & searched for a safe place. At least for now. Sam smirked at Bucky after watching the interaction between you two. And while Bucky simply glared at him, he actually ended up chuckling & shaking his head. After all, Sam had known way longer than any of you.
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As if you actually listened to them. No way in hell would you ever let them follow Walker on their own. Bad state or not, you would not ditch this fight. What if something happened to them? You would not be able to live with the guilt. Looked like your decision was for the better. The moment you entered the scene, you saw John holding Sam to the ground. Shield in both of his hands. The same image you had to experience only a few minutes ago. So that was not just in the heat of the moment. No, Captain America was ready to kill another person. To kill Wilson. You were filled with rage, fury. Blue flames, now even bigger than usual, were emanating from your hands. Sprinting towards him, you used all of your strength, stretched out your arms & shoved John away from Sam. The motion caught him off guard & you managed to punch him a few feet away. The impact made you grunt out. But it was still better than having to watch Sam getting hurt. Bucky thought he was hallucinating when he noticed you joining them. So much for you listening to them. But there was no time for explanations or anything because John was back on his feet rather quickly. And if he was not mad before, he was definitely seething now. Especially because the two of you had not had the best chemistry that day. And that was if you put it nicely. The shield still firmly in his hands, he came running to you. You landed a pretty good hit. Feeling the slightest bit of satisfaction when you spotted the burned flesh. It would heal. Nothing to worry about. But when the force of the vibranium shield hit you, you could not withstand the power & fell back into a metal pillar. You whimpered & spat out blood that had been collecting inside your mouth. Bucky rushed over to you when he heard a loud crash. That gained Walker’s attention & now the two of them were fighting. Where the hell was Sam? Was he hurt? Shit, now Bucky was on the floor, tackled by John. You had to find the last bit of your strength & help him. But you were so tired. Your muscles ached, your head pounded. It was all too much. Dark spots blurred your vision & the last thing you detected before everything went black was Sam punching Walker in the face. As it should be. You would only rest for a minute, you told yourself. Only a minute & then you would come to their aid again.
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You groaned when you woke up again. Your back was pressed against something solid. Only when you noticed arms around your waist did you put two & two together. Bucky.
“What happened?” your voice was hoarse. And your head felt like it was exploding. What was new?
“You didn’t listen to us & got yourself hurt.” while his words were sounding rather harsh, you discovered the deeper meaning behind them.
“I’m sorry.” you apologized. “Just…if something hap-“ Bucky interrupted your rambling.
“Sam’s got the shield back.” the topic was changed entirely. The shock on your face was present. Then it turned into a softness that he did not see because you were practically in his lap.
“I’m proud of you.” you whispered. His arms held you tighter to his body, a soft kiss was pressed to your shoulder. You closed your eyes briefly & enjoyed the moment. Tried to ignore the throbbing pain you felt in every single bone. Should you address this unspoken thing between you two? After all, it was more than obvious now. But then again…did you really need to label it?
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“The GRC is conducting raids to try & find Karli, but so far they’ve only found her followers. They’ve searched this camp, & just like the last camp, nothing. She’s gone. We’ll never find her.” Sam’s words reached you & it was weird to hear them from him. You stood at the other end of the room, opposite of him & next to Bucky. Because lately, you always found yourself close to the super soldier. You were pretty hurt still but standing on your own worked just fine.
“Hey, Sam.” your voice gained his attention & he looked over his shoulder expectantly. “I’m the pessimistic one here. It’s your job to keep us all optimistic.” you joked, a sly smirk spreading onto your face. Wilson shook his head & chuckled at your comment.
“Hey, you got your sleeve back.” Torres joined the three of you & you could not help the small smile that started forming. Stealing a glance at Bucky, you had to giggle internally at the face he made. A quiet sigh escaped Bucky & he pushed himself off the table you were sitting on to leave this conversation. Should you follow him? Would he want you to follow him? The most important question was why he even felt the need to move away in the first place.
“Are you off to take care of Zemo?” it almost sounded like Sam was mocking him. Bucky turned around when he reached the doorway. Jaw clenched, he did not even bother with an answer & exited the room.
“Alright, good to know you survived.” Torres yelled after him but you were certain that Bucky was no longer listening. You would give him a few minutes to cool off & then you would ask him what was wrong. Sam & Torres sighed loudly & you laughed at their antics. Getting up from the table as well, you walked closer to the two men, wanting to be a part of their talk. When standing worsened your headache, you sat on a desk once again. This time, the shield was right next to you. Free of any blood that had previously adorned the metal. It was shining as if nobody had ever touched it.
“What’s our next steps, Torres?” Sam questioned, expecting a forming plan from his friend.
“Captain America killed a foreign national in public, it’s kinda like a big deal.” he explained. “Like, like international incident big.” his hands gestured to underline his words. “Folks, uh, higher up on the payroll are all over it now. So, unfortunately…” Wilson finished his sentence.
“They’re taking jurisdiction.”
“Yeah.” Torres mumbled, then pointed to the bag laying on the floor. “What happened to these?” he went to pick it up & put it on the nearest table. Straight away, Torres examined the damage. Sam’s wings. Walker went a little over the top. A little? A little lot, actually. Anyway, they were broken.
“So is there anything we can do?” Sam looked between Torres & you. The only thing he received from your side was a simple shrug. Thinking clearly was not exactly possible in your position.
“Not really.” Torres voiced what you all had been expecting. “As you can see, they’ve cordoned off the whole camp, & Karli’s a ghost. After what went down, she’s laying extra low. Like under-underground.”
“And that’s why it makes sense for us to get involved.” Sam spoke up, determination in his tone. “The longer we let her regroup, the harder it’s gonna be to find her.
“I don’t know, Sam.” you contemplated it. “I mean, we saw what happened.”
“She’s got people helping her from all over the world, on all platforms. She’s really, really good at this thing.” Torres reminded you once again. And he was right. “How’d these break?” he changed the topic, referring to Wilson’s wings. When you heard Sam sigh, you made it your job to give an answer.
“Walker went apeshit.” it was a simple statement. Something that left no room to argue.
“Okay.” Torres was more careful now. “Anyway, all we can do now is sit tight & just chill.”
“Just chill sounds everything but chill.” you noted. Torres sent you a tight lipped smile & continued.
“Sometimes, there’s nothing to do until there’s something to do.” ah, you could have figured that one.
“That’s bizarrely wise.” Sam commented.
“Well, I’m a bizarrely wise man.” Torres looked into Wilson’s eyes & you could not stop yourself.
“Is this the point where you guys kiss? Do you want me to leave?” you teased. Sam & Torres had to laugh. Wilson slapped your shoulder playfully & you pretended that it hurt badly. “I think I should leave.” you mumbled. “Well, lovebirds, I’ll see you around. Gotta check what our cyborg is up to.” your hand waved at them before you made your way outside of the room. Great, now you only had to find Bucky. Where did he run off to?
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“There you are.” finally, after searching for him for what felt like an eternity, you found him sitting on the ground in one of the alleyways. He smiled but it did not reach his eyes. Sighing frustratingly, you took a seat next to him, one of your hands rested on his knee. His eyes trained onto the spot you touched him.
“What’s up?” you tried, voice soft enough to not scare him away. Another sigh from him & you understood that he was not in the mood to talk right now. Suddenly, you remembered something. When you spoke up this time, your voice was a whisper. “I’m sorry.” that seemed to snap him out of his thoughts entirely.
“Why are you apologizing?” his eyes searched yours but you avoided eye contact at all costs. His hand went to your chin, lifting your head so you had no choice but to stare into his blue ones. “Please don’t say it’s about earlier.”
“It’s not.” you admitted. “I’d run after you guys again. But I’m sure you know that.”
“I wasn’t talking about that, doll.” he stated & you had to gulp.
“I’m sorry.” you repeated. Bucky shook his head, motioning that you should stop that.
“Stop apologizing.” his hand moved to your cheek & you could feel yourself leaning into his touch.
“I’m sor-“ but Bucky stopped you immediately.
“Ah.” the corners of his mouth lifted slightly. “You didn’t hurt me, I promise.”
“I should’ve been in control but I wasn’t.” you recalled the situation when he flinched back at your sparks.
“It didn’t even hurt.” another reassurance from him.
“You flinched back, though.” you argued. “So I did hurt you. And I want you to know that I’m sorry, I really am.” your eyes started getting shiny. Tears threatening to escape.
“I know you are. But there’s no need for you to apologize. It’s all good.” a soft gentle kiss was pressed to your forehead. Bucky stood up, helping you off the floor as well. Your head tilted in question. There was some kind of certainty in this action. Like he knew exactly what his next step would be.
“Enlighten me, Buck. What great thing have you planned?” there was slight sarcasm mixed within the seriousness of it.
“Gotta set some things right.” he stretched out his hand for you to grab. “You in?” but he already knew the answer to that. Any chance you got to spend more time with Bucky, you took. And deep down, you kind of knew where you were going. Hopefully, he would be there & you did not calculate all of this the wrong way.
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It felt bizarre to be back here in Sokovia. The last time was years ago, after they finished the memorial. Back then, you did not tell anyone that you would visit it, simply because you did not feel like it was worth mentioning. The back of his coat came into view. So you were not mistaken by your assumption. Zemo was here. Where else would he have gone? Bucky & you knew what you needed to do but there was something else you had to set right before his destiny called. With slow & steady footsteps, you approached the Baron who eyed the stone statue up & down. Your heart was racing though you were not in danger.
“I thought you’d be here sooner.” Zemo addressed you without shooting you a glance. “Don’t worry. I’ve decided I’m not going to kill you.”
“Imagine my relief.” Bucky joked because the words were directed at him. When the gun in his hand clicked, Zemo turned around & watched you two closely. A sympathetic smile was playing at the corners of your lips. Not because Zemo was a saint but because he was grieving still. And you somehow, in this moment, felt for him.
“The girl has been radicalized beyond salvation.” Zemo’s strut brought him closer to where you were standing. He came to a halt a good distance away from you. “I warned Sam, but he didn’t listen to me. He’s as stubborn as Steve Rogers before him.”
“Watch it, Zemo.” you snarled in a low tone but he simply kept talking, a small smile adorning his face.
“But you…” his eyes moved between Bucky & you. “They literally programmed you to kill. James, do what needs to be done.” while he spoke those last few words, his eyes locked with Bucky’s. “Karli has people everywhere, & there’s only one way to make sure she cannot continue her mission.”
“I appreciate the advice.” Bucky said with a blank expression. “But we’re gonna do it our own way.”
“Yeah.” a small chuckle was the only answer you got out of him. “I was afraid you would say that.” the gun clicked once more but when Bucky handed it over to you, Zemo’s eyes widened a little. As much as he tried to hide his shock, it did not necessarily work out. Now, the weapon was in your hands, the weight of it slightly uncomfortable but nothing you could not handle. A few seconds of silence ticked by & the Baron made no move to flinch back, seemingly accepting his fate. Your hand raised, gun pointed right at his face. There were no trembles. Control & steadiness was in your movements.
“It is alright, (Y/N).” Zemo mumbled. “I understand.” but did he really? Apparently, during the time you spent together, he had yet to fully get to know you. To your surprise, Zemo was not scared. He did not expect you to be the one to point the gun at him. What he did expect was someone, Bucky, doing it. A slight nod came from the Baron & you internally shook your head. Your next move confused both men. You retracted the gun, turned it in your hands & held it out for him to grab. His questioning gaze amused you in the slightest. A short shrug from you & you stretched out the upturned weapon further. With uncertain fingers, he took it from you, examining it precisely. No bullets were inside, that much you made sure. But this action was some sort of peace making. Giving him the weapon you previously pointed at him was a sign of trust. Tolerance.
“Doll? What are you doing?” Bucky whisper-yelled at you. A brief look over your shoulder confirmed that you had planned all of this before. Without ammunition, it was useless. It was simply an act of tranquility. Because you were done living in the past. He should be, too.
“Helmut.” you nodded at him. This was the first time you ever called him by his first name.
“Thank you.” he did sound sincere. “(Y/N).” you would never be friends but you were at a point where you tolerated each other’s existence & past. Footsteps approached & the Wakandans came closer.
“I guess I’m sorry.” you gestured to the women. “I hope you understand why we had to do this.” Bucky let you do the talking, figuring that you needed this interaction. And you really did.
“Ladies…” Zemo began. “I took the liberty of crossing off my name in your book.” one of your eyebrows perked up. “I hold no grudges for what you thought you had to do.” you glanced at Bucky & saw him nodding a bit. “Goodbye, James. (Y/N).” two Wakandans followed close behind him, leaving Ayo with the two of you.
“We will take him to the Raft…Where he will live out his days.” she explained. It was weird to see him walk away. You had to admit that sometimes, only sometimes, you did enjoy his company & appreciated his help. This was the only way, though. “It would be prudent to make yourself scarce in Wakanda for the time being, White Wolf.”
“Fair enough.” Bucky responded & you had to smirk. You watched her leave & hugged the super soldier closer to your body. One of his arms raked around your waist. “Hey!” it startled you a bit but you figured that it was not meant for you since his voice was too loud. Ayo stopped in her tracks & turned around one last time. “I may have another favor to ask of you.”
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“Didn’t you say you’d castrate Zemo if he ever touched my book again?” Bucky questioned playfully when you made your way back.
“What?” you were confused for a second but when his words had enough time to process, you sighed out. “Oh. Yeah, I believe I did.”
“What happened to that threat?” he smirked at you, his shoulder pushing yours slightly.
“Should anything have happened to it?” you halted & waited for Bucky to do the same. His body faced yours & the shit-eating grin he wore was way too obvious for you to take seriously.
“Well, he did touch my book when he crossed out his name.” Bucky pointed out & you laughed at him.
“I get it. You wanted me to go for it, huh?” you crossed your arms over your chest.
“I was just saying.” his hands raised in defense. “But I wouldn’t have stopped you, let’s put it like that.” he joked & you rolled your eyes.
“Considering your age…you really are childish.” a shake of your head made him laugh & he threw one of his arms around your shoulders, keeping you close.
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“I don’t know how we’re gonna get it out.” a man unloaded the truck. “We need some more guys for this.”
“Tommy, Carlos, man, this is amazing.” Sam could not believe his eyes. There was still a lot of work left but they had accomplished so much already. “Thanks so much, man.”
“Look, word goes out the Wilson family needs help? Yeah, we still got a bit of usefulness in us.” the older man replied.
“But how do we get it off the truck?” Sam gestured to the load. You found yourself smirking & nudged Bucky with your elbow. That was your sign. Using his left arm, the super soldier lifted it with ease & grunted when he got it out of the way.
“You’re welcome.” was all he said & he moved away from the scene. Sam’s eyes widened when he noticed you there as well. A small wave came from your side & it brought a genuine smile on his face. Bucky returned with a heavy suitcase in his hands.
“Just dropping this off.” he put it on top of the truck. “You can sign for it & I’ll go.”
"Buck.” you slapped him & he pretended to be hurt by the strong force you used. “A literal child.” you said to Sam & rolled your eyes. You hugged him quickly as a form of greeting but Bucky’s voice interrupted the moment.
“I called in a favor from the Wakandans.” the super soldier stated.
“You or (Y/N)?” Wilson’s head tilted to the side.
“No, that was all his work. Put the blame on him if something’s wrong.” you defended yourself & chuckled.
“Alright, I’ll remember tha-“ a loud hiss from behind you caught your attention. Looked like a pipe broke.
“Sam!” a woman came jogging over. His sister, you assumed. Wilson ran towards the damage, you trailing behind in case you could assist him.
“Hi.” Bucky even found the time to greet the woman.
“Hi.” came back.
“Guys, Sam’s struggling here.” you pointed out & watched his attempts to close the pipe with a wrench. Without luck.
“Hold on, hold on.” Bucky shoved Sam aside. “You gotta go up.” he grabbed the tool & got to work himself. Surprisingly, the hissing stopped after a couple of moments.
“Who would’ve thought Buck to be a craftsman?” you snickered.
“Not me.” Sam admitted quietly. “Why didn’t you use your metal arm?” he asked after a short silence.
“Well…” Bucky tried to find the right words. “I don’t always think of it immediately. I’m right handed.” he confessed & earned chuckles from Sam & you. “So, this is the boat, huh?”
“This is it.” Wilson showed it off more or less.
“It’s nice.” Bucky acted as if nobody would see right through him.
“It’s a sin to lie, Buck.” you spoke up. “I, on the other hand, admit that it definitely needs work because, well…you know.” your arms gestured wildly in the air to get your point across. “We could help, Sam.” you offered.
“Yeah.” Wilson looked less than pleased but deep down, you knew he was grateful to have his two best friends here with him. He abandoned the two of you on the boat.
“I’m Bucky.” it took a moment until you realized who he was talking to but when your eyes flickered up, you saw Sam’s sister standing there. Your mouth opened to introduce yourself but it seemed like another person was faster than you. And the shock that was written over your features was the most amazing one you had ever experienced. “And this is (Y/N). M-My…my girlfriend.” your head snapped in his direction when he finished. Did he just say what you thought he did? The two of you had yet to put a label on whatever you were. It was more than friendship, that much was true but neither of you had confirmed an actual relationship. Until now, at least. Bucky pulled you closer by your waist & you had to fight the urge to hide your face into the crook of his neck. You were not sure why you were embarrassed all of a sudden but you were.
“Ah. Sarah.” she smiled brightly at you two & you reciprocated it. In the corners of your eyes, you saw Sam stopping in his tracks & turning around. Certainly, he overheard your conversation & Bucky’s confession & you were up for some questions later, that much was sure. When his intense stare became too much for you, your head turned & your eyes met his. The smirk he wore made you avert your gaze, a quiet chuckle escaping you.
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The rest of the day, all of you helped on the boat. Repairing, replacing & so on. It was actually a lot of fun to have your best friends with you. And working on such a big project together & slowly seeing the changes was a big motivation. Laughter, smiles, meaningful conversations were shared. Having so many people assisting shortened the duration by a lot. The atmosphere was so different than the one you sensed while being on the field. This place, it felt like home. It had been a very long time since you last experienced something similar. But with Sam & your apparent boyfriend Bucky, things were okay. Perfect. No threats menacing you or your friends. A simple, normal life. How it was supposed to be were it not for you all being Avengers. When you noticed Bucky taking a break again, you pretended to throw him in the water. Not that you would have achieved anything with it anyway. But you were not expecting him lifting you up & fake-throwing you over board. Screams from you reached Sam’s ears & when he went to check on you, just in case, he was met with the cute sight of you in Bucky’s arms, him messing with you. Teasing you. Wilson watched your interaction & had a hard time suppressing his smile. Right now, the two of you were at ease. No mental demons eating away at you. No fights that needed to be won. Simply you two, with each other, how it was supposed to be from the very beginning. Took you guys long enough, he thought to himself.
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“Think Karli’s gonna throw in the towel?” this time, a more heartfelt & more important conversation was started by Bucky. The sun had already started setting & the light turned beautifully gold, illuminating this world in an almost mysterious way.
“I think she’s gonna double down.” Sam replied honestly.
“Any idea how to stop her?” the super soldier inquired.
“If only…” you whispered & sighed tiredly.
“Well, I got Joaquin working on something.” at least something, you figured.
“Zemo says there’s only one way.” Bucky commented.
“And since when are we listening to what he says?” you crossed your arms over your chest & remarked sarcastically. “Since he became our fourth member or what?”
“No, but he might be right with this.” he came a little closer to you, faces almost touching. Not in an intimidating way, though.
“God, gross.” Wilson pretended to gag & you laughed out loud at his childish behavior. “Get a room if it’s turning that way.” another giggle escaped you & when Sam noticed the look in your eyes, he sprinted away, you hot on his heels. He was faster than you but it was fun to chase him down. This time, it was Bucky’s turn to watch you two. And he admired how happy you seemed in this particular moment. If only time could stand still & he could live here in the present forever.
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The three of you were done for today, all seated on top of the boat, beer in hand. The relaxation was very much needed & having them as company was more than you could have ever asked for. Right now, things were alright. Peaceful. At ease.
“Well…” Bucky was the first one to speak up, getting on his feet in the process. “Gotta catch our flight tomorrow.” he reminded everyone & your eyes widened in realization. Right, you almost forgot it. Truthfully, you were not ready to leave this place behind. But you had to.
“Shit, right…” you stood up yourself, brushing non-existent dust off your clothes. Your bottle was empty so you placed it on a small table nearby.
“Get a hotel room for the night.” Bucky eyed you, silently asking if that piece had slipped your mind as well. The only response he got from you was a sarcastic frown. “Crash, you know?” the last words were directed at Wilson.
“So you’re just gonna set me up like that, huh?” Sam smirked at the two of you getting ready to leave.
“We don’t wanna make it weird for your family…” you rambled almost insecurely. Sam eased your mind immediately.
“Just stay here.” he said it with such a definite tone, it was useless to argue. “The people in this town are the most welcoming people in the world.” today had proofed that enough. “They don’t care if you wear small t-shirts or if you have six toes or if your mom’s your aunt. If you-“
“Okay, I get it.” Bucky stopped him & the three of you shared an honest laugh. “I mean, you know, the people are nice.” you agreed with him on that one.
“And I’m sure we’ve got enough space for the two of you. If you really need separate places to crash.” Sam wiggled his brows & earned eye rolls from Bucky & you.
“I think we’ll be fine.” you stated but looked at the man next to you for approval.
“Yeah, we will be.” he nodded, shooting you one of his big, rare smiles. The ones that warmed your heart.
“But keep it youth-friendly.” Sam warned you.
“Totally.” Bucky answered though it sounded more like a joke if you had to be honest.
“’Cause if you don’t, I’ll have Carlos cut you up & feed you to the fish.” Wilson finished & you had a hard time to hide your smile. He only threatened Bucky which made this situation even more amusing to you.
“Okay.” Bucky reached for your hand & you intertwined your fingers with his. The grip secure, loving. The conversation was over & you made your way off the boat, leaving Sam alone for a bit.
***divider***
“(Y/N)?” there was a female voice shouting from the kitchen & you believed Sarah needed your help in there.
“Right here.” you announced your presence. “Everything alright?”
“Yeah, just wanted to talk to you for a second.” she explained & moved over to one of the cabinets. “Drink?” she shot you a questioning glance.
“Just water is fine, thanks.” you reassured her & sat down on one of the chairs. A full glass was placed in front of you & you thanked her quietly.
“So, you & Bucky, huh?” one corner of her lips lifted & your eyes flickered down on the table.
“Yeah, I guess.” you chuckled softly.
“Sam could never shut up about you two when he was here.” she recalled the memories & grinned when she gained your attention once more.
“Really?” you were not sure if she was telling the truth but then again, why would she lie?
“Said he’d kick both of your asses if you didn’t make a move. But looks like your backsides are safe for now.” she joked.
“That was the first time Bucky called me his girlfriend.” you admitted shyly.
“The first time? You two act like you’ve been married for years.” maybe she was exaggerating a bit. A tiny bit.
“Well, we’ve heard that quite a lot lately.” your confession was softly spoken. It almost sounded like you were absent, living in your head.
“Did you like it?” she asked genuinely.
“What exactly?” your eyebrows furrowed, not entirely sure what point she was trying to make.
“Him labeling your relationship. Some might feel pressured.” it felt good to have a heart-to-heart with someone who was not Sam or Bucky. You adored those two but this talk was very much needed & very much welcomed.
“No, it…felt amazing.” a big smile formed on your face. “I’ve waited for that moment for a very long time.”
“Well, then…I wish you two the best of luck. You deserve to be happy.” it was foreign that an almost stranger cared enough for you to wish such things upon you. So the only natural reaction was to get up, go around the table & take Sarah into a big hug. She squeezed you tightly & you closed your eyes briefly to savor this moment.
“Thank you.” you whispered, the sincerity audible. She assured you that there was no need to thank her. That friends did that for each other. Friends. You were friends. People outside of the Avengers liked you that much to actually call you a friend.
***divider***
You had no idea how you ended up in this position. The last thing you remembered from last night was a late night conversation with Bucky. Only when noises could be heard did you stir awake. Your body wanted to stretch out but you felt restriction after your attempt. Slowly, your eyes opened & you found yourself cuddled up on top of Bucky who was occupying Sam’s couch. Somehow, the two of you fell asleep tangled together & stayed like that for the entire night. Your head rested above his heart & the calm beat could lull you back into a peaceful slumber were it not for Sam’s nephews to run around playing whatever. You caught sight of them & smiled warmly when you noticed them with the shield. The man under you moved which meant that he was waking up as well. But you did not focus on him right away. Your eyes were still trained on the young boys. You felt Bucky turning his head to the side. His arm around you tightened & you cuddled closer to him if it was even possible.
“Hey.” Bucky greeted the boys who suddenly thought they did something wrong. The super soldier raised his hand that rested on the small of your back to wave at them. Though when they hurried to put everything back in place, he withdrew his hand. It reached beneath your shirt & when his hand touched you, there were goosebumps erupting. His fingers drew patterns on your smooth skin. Content hums escaped your lips & your eyes closed once again. If he kept going, you would fall asleep.
“Doll.” he mumbled & your head tilted up to meet his ocean blue eyes. “Hi.”
“Hi.” you replied, a loving grin was exchanged. “How’d you sleep?”
“Well, I slept, for once. No nightmares.” Bucky elucidated. “What about you?”
“Haven’t felt so well rested in forever.” you answered honestly.
“Good.” his metal arm came up to rest on your cheek & you leaned into his touch. The coldness of the vibranium was a nice contrary to Bucky’s body warmth. His face got closer to yours & your lips pressed against each other in a short but sweet kiss. If that was how waking up next to Bucky felt like then you never wanted to sleep alone ever again. Besides, you actually managed to get a good amount of sleep in. Without any disturbances whatsoever. Bucky did not have a bad dream. Deep down, you were aware that the reason behind this was you staying together for the first time, cuddling, enjoying each other’s embrace. Bucky attempted to sit up & you helped him by slightly moving off of his body. His arm still kept you close. When he removed his dog tags from his neck & handed them to you, your confused face was enough to let him know that you needed an explanation.
“Um, Buck?” you started when it took him too long to speak up.
“I want you to have them.” he put the necklace in your hands & you focused on it, deep in your thoughts.
“That’s…That’s too much, I can’t-“ he interrupted your rambling.
“Of course you can.” you did not lean back when he moved it in front of you again. He gestured for you to turn around which you did. The cold metal hugged your neck & one of your hands came up to fiddle with the tags. It was a big thing for him to give them to you, you knew that. And you appreciated that he trusted you enough to own them.
“Thank you.” your voice was filled with so many emotions & this time it was you who initiated the kiss. The softness of his lips invited you & you got lost in the moment. You lost yourself in him & you were not about to let him go anytime soon.
***divider***
You dragged Bucky outside to the pier to watch the sunrise & he approved of your idea & tagged along. The view was stunning. To watch the world slowly awaken, sunbeams reaching more & more as the seconds ticked by. Throughout the entirety of it, neither of you talked. Your hands were holding onto the railing. The moisture of it tickling your skin. Bucky stood right behind you, chest pressed against your back. Arms around your waist in a secure grip. His chin resting on top of your head. Every now & then, you shifted slightly form side to side. The wind rushed around you but the chill was not unpleasant. With another body right next to yours, you did not feel cold or empty. For the first time, you felt complete. Content. Satisfied. And by the way Bucky’s breathing evened out, you could tell that he was feeling the same way. Time slowed down & you could savor every little detail you noticed. The waves were small but still discernibly due to the wind. It was gorgeous in the mornings. Maybe one day, if you ever retired from this job, you would move someplace similar. Where you had enough silence to relish the beauty in the quiet but not calm enough to ever become boring. Sam’s family had an astonishing home. One day, you thought to yourself, one day.
***divider***
Sam was already up & working on the boat & you grabbed Bucky’s hand to signal that you wanted to help him. So the two of you entered the ship & saw Wilson continuing where you left off yesterday.
“Push the stopper.” Sam ordered when Bucky lent him a hand. “Oh, in there.” he mumbled more to himself than anyone else. You stood your ground, not wanting to interrupt anything. “Thanks.”
“Yep.” Bucky walked away & you shot Sam a small smile which he mimicked.
“Anything I can do?” you asked curiously. Wilson then explained a few tasks that still needed to be done & you started with one of them immediately.
“Hey. Start loosening those bolts.” Sam indicated for Bucky. The wrench was handed to him & he began as well.
“Got it.” you figured the quiet of the morning was the reason why the three of you ended up whispering. Nobody else was present but it felt illegal to speak at a normal volume. A few glances were exchanged, silent conversations were sufficient enough for the time being.
***divider***
“Okay, so…” a few hours later & you were still trying to fix the boat. Sam was growing impatient, especially with your current task that did not seem to make any sense at all. “There should be a three-sixteenths bolt that goes in the big gear.”
“It doesn’t say…” you trailed off when you flicked through the small manual.
“Nope.” Bucky confirmed when he kept reading the pages over your shoulder.
“Uh-huh. No. No.” Sarah joined you & she did not necessarily sound happy.
“You didn’t even look.” Sam pointed out, completely ignoring his sister.
“I didn’t have to.” Bucky said at the same time as you spoke up.
“Because there’s nothing in there.” you sighed frustratingly. “Oh, hi there Sarah.” your smile returned when you noticed her standing by.
“I told you specifically that the water pump was not the problem, & yet, here you are.” she eyed Sam, her gaze hard.
“Yep, Samuel.” Bucky teased & you had to jump onto that train.
“Looks like someone doesn’t listen very well.” you smirked.
“In our defense…” Sam prepared an excuse.
“In your defense.” you corrected him before he had the chance to continue.
“In our defense, we were supposed to be done long before you woke up.” his arms raised to underline his statement.
“I don’t come up to the sky to tell you how to barrel roll or whatever, so don’t come down here & start messing around with things you clearly don’t understand."
“Wow. Wow.” Sam was at a loss of words.
“Bye. Off.” & with that she ordered you to move away. “Thank you, gentlemen. Lady.” she winked at you & earned a smirk from your side.
“It’s alright, Samuel.” you hugged the side of his body & giggled when he pushed you off playfully. “Let your badass sister handle the tough stuff.”
“She’s a very mean person.” he pointed out.
“Incredibly cruel.” you agreed sarcastically.
“It’s tough love.” Bucky chimed in.
“Yeah, you & (Y/N) going through tough love, too?” Sam eyebrows perked up. This time, you shoved him but it did not do too much.
“I could show you how it feels when a tough punch meets your face.” Bucky kept the bickering alive & you silently observed the two of them.
“Oh yeah? Wanna battle it out?” Sam suggested.
“With pleasure.” the super soldier laughed & you got in between them before they had the master plan to really go through with that. Though you were aware that they were simply joking. Still, you would not risk anything.
***divider***
Your back rested against a big tree trunk, legs stretched out. Sam practiced with the shield & you were incredibly proud of him for finally making a decision that he would not regret in the near future. Perfection was far away but with his ambition, he would get there sooner rather than later. Bucky stood close by, watching his movements.
“Feels weird…” Sam described when he held the shield. “Picking it up again.”
“You just need time.” your encouragement was welcomed though he would never admit it. “You’ll do just fine.” the next throw was intercepted by Bucky.
“The legacy of that shield is complicated, to say the least.” Wilson required incentive & you were more than happy to provide it for him. To avoid useless awkwardness, you got off the ground & waltzed over to the two men.
“When Steve told me what he was planning, I don’t think either of us really understood what it felt like for a Black man to be handed the shield. How could we?” Bucky chose his words very carefully & you appreciated him for it. You really did. “I owe you an apology.” the super soldier turned over the shield. “I’m sorry.”
“Thank you.” you heard the sincerity in Sam’s voice as he took it from Bucky.
“Sam?” he turned towards you when your voice appeared. “I’m sorry, too.”
“What for?” he questioned, confusion written over his features.
“I haven’t been a good friend. I blamed you for giving away the shield & therefore for John. And for that I’m truly sorry.” there was fragility hidden behind your words & Sam’s heart melted by the tone of it.
“Come here.” he opened his arms & you accepted his invitation. The hug was important. Not only for you but also for him. “You’ve had some rough days. I’m not mad at you.”
“Thank you.” you breathed out when he released you from his grip.
“Whatever happened with Walker, it wasn’t your fault.” Bucky added to your previous statement. “I get it. It’s just, that shield’s the closest thing I’ve got left to a family, so when you retired it, it made me feel like I had nothing left. Made me question everything. You, Steve, (Y/N), me. You know, I’ve got his, uh…I’ve got his book. And, uh…I just figured if it worked for him, then it’d work for me.” with every additional word, your heart broke more & more. Hopefully, he would recognize that it was not even close to the truth. Sam & you were part of that proof.
“I understand, man.” fortunately, Sam decided to speak up because you were not sure what you could have said in this moment to not make matters worse. “But Steve is gone.” great, there were silent tears running down your cheeks now. But they were too busy to notice, luckily. “And this might be a surprise, but it doesn’t matter what Steve thought.” another throw. Bucky was not the only one being surprised. You were confused as well. “(Y/N)? Bucky? Listen to me when I say this.” your eyes flickered up to his face, patiently waiting for whatever he needed to get off his chest. “You gotta stop looking at other people to tell you who you are.” another throw that Bucky caught this time. “Let me ask you two. You still having those nightmares?”
“I never said anything about my nightmares?” after spending years of hiding them, you were shocked when he so casually stated this.
“But the signs are obvious.” his gaze softened when he looked at you. “So?”
“Every now & then.” you shrugged, trying to brush it off as no big deal. “But insomnia helps, I guess.” Sam nodded approvingly, probably because he was glad that you told the truth about them for once. Bucky did not know about it but he would definitely ask you & question you why you did not open up to him when he bothered you with his nightmares almost daily.
“Buck?” his gaze shifted to the super soldier who had had enough time for preparation now.
“All the time.” words could not even express how proud you were of him for opening up to another person. While you were there every single day, it was necessary to have other options. “It means I remember. It means a part of me is still there.” your head nodded at his explanation, signaling that you understood & related to it more than you would probably like to admit. “Which means a part of the Winter Soldier’s still in me.” Bucky threw the shield, Sam caught it. Slow steps moved you closer to the super soldier, quietly asking for something. Though you were not exactly sure what that something was. But Bucky hugged you closer to the side of his body by resting one arm around your shoulders.
“You up for a little tough love?” Sam asked & you found yourself smirking at his use of words. “You wanna climb out of the hell you’re in, do the work.” if only it were that easy. “Do it.” you knew Sam was not only talking to Bucky. Because he cared for you just as much & he wanted to see you happy.
“I’ve been making amends.” but Bucky’s excuse got interrupted.
“Nah. You weren’t amending, you were avenging.” you had to gulp at Sam calling him out like that. Then again, he was right. Wilson always was. “You were stopping all the wrongdoers you enabled as the Winter Soldier, because you thought it would bring you closure. You go to these people & say “sorry”, because you think it’ll make you feel better, right? But you gotta make them feel better. You gotta go to them & be of service. I’m sure there’s at least one person in that book who needs closure about something, & you’re the only one who can give it to ‘em.” you squeezed Bucky to keep him in place when he tried to move away.
“Probably a dozen.” the answer was one of pure exhaustion & again, you understood.
“That’s cool.” damn, as annoying as Sam could be sometimes, when it was important, he was a really great friend. “Start with one...(Y/N)? Look at me.” & you obeyed. “You gotta promise me something. If you ever feel like your past is catching up, talk to someone. Whether it’s your wacky boyfriend or me, we’ll listen. We know bits & pieces from your file. In the end, you’re the only one who really knows what happened because you lived through it. Bucky knew about your history with Zemo, I didn’t, for example. But you don’t have to go through this on your own. There are people who wanna help you. We can only do that if you help us understand.” you nodded, absorbing his every word, mesmerizing it.
“Thank you.” some tears were still running down your face & Sam brushed them away delicately. He kissed the top of your head softly, showing you that he really meant what he said.
“Good talk.” Bucky joined the conversation again. You laughed.
“You know Karli won’t quit.” of course there had to be some sort of serious talk involved.
“You call us when you have a lead, & we’ll be there.” Bucky & Sam exchanged a brotherly handshake.
“You better take care of (Y/N) in the meantime.” Wilson pointed one finger at you.
“Hey, I’m perfectly fine on my own.” your defensive behavior was meant to be sarcastic.
“Weren’t you the one who got away with most of the injuries?” Sam tapped his chin in thought. “You were.”
“Shut up, Samuel.” you teased but laughed anyway.
“We’re not necessarily a team.” Bucky started when you made your way to leave.
“Nope.” Sam agreed & you held your comments inside.
“We’re not that good.”
“Definitely not.”
“We’re professionals.” the scoff could not be held back when the super soldier said that.
“Definitely.”
“And, uh, we’re partners.”
“Co-workers.” Sam made sure to correct him.
“But we’re also a couple of guys with a mutual friend."
“Friend’s now gone.”
“So we’re a couple of guys.”
“I can live with that.”
“Perfect.”
Neither of them noticed when you did not keep walking with them but halted in your tracks. Your arms crossed over your chest & your head tilted to the side in an amusing way.
“You done?” your voice raised a little because they were a good distance away from you.
“What?” you giggled when they spoke up at the same time. Shaking your head, you jogged up to them & took your previous place in between the two.
“So we’ve established your partnering co-worker gone mutual friend couple of guys friendship? You sure you’ll remember that name? It’s awfully long.” you joked. Both of them stared at you annoyingly. “Hey, as long as it works for you then it works for me as well. Just wanted to clarify.”
“Alright, okay.” Sam stopped you. “Thanks for the help, guys. Meant a lot.”
“Of course.” Bucky patted his shoulder & kept walking.
“Anytime, Sam. I mean it.” you hugged briefly & followed behind the super soldier. Even though your parted ways, it did not feel like a goodbye, more like a see you soon. And your gut feeling told you that it would be sooner than you all thought it would be.
***divider***
Bucky & you were on your way back but of course there was an upcoming conversation you could not avoid.
“Why haven’t you told me about your nightmares?” you sighed exhaustingly at yet another deep talk.
“’Cause you had your own to deal with.” you stated casually.
“I remember someone once saying that we promised each other no more secrets.” he raised his eyebrows.
“Yeah? Sounds like a wise someone.” you rolled your eyes, slightly annoyed that he quoted you now.
“I’m being serious here, doll.” his voice turned softer when he realized the tension building up. “We’re helping each other, remember?”
“I know.” you approached him when he pointed to his lap. You got comfortable & let the steady beat of his heart calm down your nerves.
“I’m proud of you.” it caught you off guard.
“Why?” you looked up at his face, frowning.
“Because you’re dealing with all of this shit & you somehow make it out of it even stronger than before. That’s why.” his words made you smile brightly.
“I’m proud of you, too, you know? You apologized to Sam, you opened up to him. That was a big step.” you held his arm around you in place, playing with his fingers to distract yourself.
“You should sleep. I’ll wake you up when we arrive.” he whispered, face incredibly close to yours. You nodded & cuddled into the crook of his neck, enjoying the warmth radiating from him. The two of you had a lot to carry & neither of you were at a point where you wanted to be in the end. A lot of work was ahead of you but it was nothing that you could not handle. And now, that Sam & Bucky eased your mind, you felt the weight becoming lighter. Because you no longer had to bare it alone. There were people supporting you & they would go out of their ways to make sure that you were okay. People like that should be held dearly. And you were lucky enough to have them in your life. And even luckier that their…however they labeled their friendship was growing a stronger bond. Deep down, you knew when they said during that therapy session that they did not want to work together any longer than necessary, they lied through their teeth. You three relied on one another & it was too precious to throw away just like that. No, you were bound to stick together.
~to be continued~
Next Chapter
Published (04/30/2021) by Cathy
Tags: @taina-eny, @tanyaherondale, @cool-ultra-nerd, @toribentleyva, @buckyandlokirunmylife, @annadier, @howlongtillidie, @mizz-kraziii, @theetherealbloom, @millenniumloki, @marvelbros-oneshots, @ajbwasnthere, @bilesxbilinskixlahey, @mystictimetravelcolor, @dbrees256, @sxpxrnxturxl, @dreamydreamerwriting, @dolllstyles, @angelicastiel, @prettysbliss, @infinitelyforgotten, @sweetserendipity65, @lilystilinskicullen, @partypoisonsblog, @btdsprayberry, @sarai-ibn-la-ahad, @deamus-liv, @simplybarnes, @sethcohenluvr, @sammypotato67, @toribentleyva, @farihafangirls, @earthtonav, @lilacs-lavender, @cherryblosom111, @harprs, @teti-menchon0604, @kinkmalfoy, @felicityofbakerstreet, @safiakillspop, @whatareyouhidingpeter, @twpkhes, @bibliophilewednesday, @msmarvelsmain, @weareironmanbitches (let me know if you wanna be tagged <3)
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writingtoforgetreality · 12 days ago
Text
I’m Only Me When I’m With You (Sam Wilson x Reader)
Request: Hello! Hope this ask finds you well! May I request a Sam Wilson x reader in which the reader is very stubborn but finds herself falling for Sam despite trying to resist those feelings? Thank you so much! I hope you stay safe and healthy during these crazy times! (by @agentmalfoy24601), [Marvel-Masterlist]
Summary: You liked Sam. Was it a secret? You hoped so but your team would state otherwise. While the teasing was funny & all, it actually made you distance yourself from your feelings even more. Luckily, there was a certain someone who could see right through you.
Words: 1,990
Warnings: language, feels, fluff, this is a cute one, I love Sam but barely anyone writes for him :(, slight TFATWS spoilers, (Y/E/C) = your eye color, REQUESTS ARE OPEN!
If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤
“Nope, forget it.” you argued with the three men in front of you. “I understand that this mission is important but I will not pretend to be his wife.” your finger pointed at Sam while your eyebrows raised.
“You could always pretend to be my partner.” Zemo reasoned. Shaking your head, you let out a scoff.
“(Y/N) & Zemo? Makes a cute couple.” Bucky spoke up & earned a death glare from not only you but also Sam. Though you did not see what Wilson was doing. Not in this moment.
“I hate every single one of you.” you snarled through gritted teeth.
“Sure.” Bucky mumbled almost inaudible, followed by a low chuckle.
The thing about this mission was that you knew if you played pretend next to Sam, it would not actually be pretending from your side. Truth was, you were falling for him. More than you would have liked to admit. You were not born yesterday, you were aware that relationships did not work out. Not with a job as dangerous as yours. Besides, this was Wilson you were talking about. Hell, he could have anyone, he would never choose someone like you. And you did not want him to choose you. Relationships complicated things. Complications led to danger & danger led to death. The rest of the team, especially Bucky, had picked up on the fact that you kind of liked Sam. And they teased the shit out of you. They even made bets on how long it would take the two of you to start dating. No way would you give in. Nope. That was not in your nature.
Though you had to admit that Sam did not make your plan of burying your feelings deep down any easier. Most of the times, he did not even realize the effect he had on you. It was simple things, really. The way he moved his body. How his shirts fit just right. This heartwarming smile of his that had you weak at the knees. His efforts to make you smile constantly, especially after failed missions. He was a good guy. And good guys never chose people like you. An acquaintance. That was what you were to him. Maybe it was for the better anyway.
“(Y/N)?” you heard Bucky’s voice coming from the closed door to your room. Jogging over there, you slowly opened it for him, checking if it really was him & not a threat or something. He entered after you stepped aside as a silent invitation.
“What’s up?” you were fixing up your appearance for the upcoming party you all had to attend. The outfit you wore made you feel like a strong goddess. The colors complemented perfectly, hugging every curve in the best way possible. It was not often when you got to dress up like that but when you did, it definitely paid off.
“Tell Sam you like him.” Bucky wasted no time with his words. Spinning around in order to face him, you gave him your best dumbfounded look. It made him roll his eyes. “I’m being serious.”
“How much money do you win if I do?” you asked curiously, knowing that this was most likely just part of one of their stupid bets.
“Zero, actually. Because I said you’d get together after this mission.” you gave him a look that he gladly ignored. “But that’s not the point…I do believe that the tension between you guys will be unbearable, though.”
“Oh, come on, dude. You’re totally exaggerating.” you gave an awkward chuckle to hide your embarrassment.
“I’m afraid I’m right.” he sat down on one of the chairs, then looked into your eyes. “I don’t know why you make such a big deal outta it. You like him. He likes you-“
“Which is not true. You’re just assuming shit.”
“He likes you. (Y/N), you’re not the same when you’re not with him.” his words were soft, the sincerity clearly shown.
“The hell is that supposed to mean?” your arms raised in confusion. Plopping down on your bed, you sighed loudly.
“He completes you. I didn’t think it was possible, actually. I used to laugh at people when they said stuff like that.” he chuckled. “You & Sam deserve to be happy. You belong with each other.” when there was a long pause from you, Bucky got up & approached the door. Stopping briefly after touching the doorknob to turn around & face you. “Please think about it, (Y/N).” shooting you one last warm smile, he exited. Leaving you alone with the silence being your only company.
Bucky was one of your best friends. You knew he would not lie to you. Not about something like that. And even though he loved messing with you, he was serious when he talked to you just now. Yes, you liked Sam. Of course you did. How could you not? His broad shoulders, muscles that you only ever got to see when he decided to change in front of you (which did not happen often enough for your liking). But why were you even thinking about that? If you were honest, you were not even sure if you would go on a date with him if he decided to ask. Was it to protect him & the others? Or was it to protect yourself from possible heartbreak? Or was it just to show yourself & the others that you were not someone who gave in easily? Not when everyone around you pushed you to do something. Wanted you to do something.
There was another knock on your door. This time, your head was thrown back in frustration. Bucky was a pain in the ass sometimes. He did not even give you enough time to go talk to Sam if you planned on doing so. Which you were not. Walking over to the door, you prepared a speech for Barnes.
“You know you’re actually an awful frien-“ you stopped dead in your tracks when the door opening revealed that it was not Bucky who came to invade your privacy again. It was Sam. Realizing what you just said, you started stuttering out an apology. “Oh God, Sam. I’m so sorry. I thought Bucky was-“
“No worries.” his laugh warmed your heart as much as you disliked to admit it. “Can I…?” he gestured to your room. Quickly stepping aside, you motioned for him to enter, apologizing once more. Why were you even saying sorry? There was literally no need to.
“You-You look gorgeous.” he eyed you up & down, taking in your appearance. Training your eyes down to the floor, you regained your composure a second later. You were not the embarrassed type.
“You don’t look too bad yourself, Wilson.” winking at him & his black turtleneck. Sam wearing this? Well, it did things to you. He patted the spot next to him on your bed. Getting the message, you walked over & seated yourself right beside him, body facing his. The most gorgeous brown eyes locked with your (Y/E/C) ones. It was hard to look away. Like you were trapped in them. But truth was, you did not want to look away. Sam was the first one to speak up. Voice only a whisper.
“What are we doing?” he asked & you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion.
“W-What?” you really had no clue what he was talking about.
“This.” he gestured between you two. “What are we doing?”
“Well, Zemo said we’ll have to pretend to be married, right? So I guess we should just stay close to each other at all times & then see-“ you got interrupted by him shaking his head frantically, a smile still on his lips.
“I’m not talking about the mission, (Y/N).” his eyes met yours once more, an expectant expression on his face.
“O-Okay?” your head tilted to the side.
“Why are you making this even harder?” he sighed frustratingly but you could hear the sarcasm in his tone.
“I’m sorry?” it was more of a question, really. Quickly, he shook his head, one of his hand moving on top of yours.
“No, please don’t apologize. You do that way too often.” he chuckled. “Am I the only one thinking that there’s something between us?” your face changed in realization. No. Whatever he was doing, you hoped he would not go that way. If he did, it could ruin your entire friendship. And you were not sure if you could live without him. You did not want to live without him.
“I’m- I mean…I think we shouldn’t-“ you started only to be interrupted by him again.
“Why shouldn’t we?” he asked, voice raising just the slightest bit. You gave him a shrug in return, eyes focusing on his hand on top of yours in your lap. “Oh, I think I get it.” Sam started again when he realized that you were not planning on giving him an actual answer. “You’re scared.” this statement made you glance at him. He smirked at your expression because he knew that he had you now. “You’re scared that this won’t work out. And you don’t wanna give in.”
“Don’t wanna give in?” you played dumb but actually, it shocked you how well Sam knew you. Yeah, you had been close friends for a while now but still, nobody else could read you like he did.
“People have been bugging you to go out with me, haven’t they?” his eyebrows raised while waiting for you to confirm this. After a few moments, you nodded slightly. “That’s one of the reasons we aren’t dating yet.” he was straight forward with all of this. Like he had been preparing this speech for ages. Maybe he had, who knew?
“Yeah? You seem pretty damn sure about this.” you smirked at his certainty. Deep down, you knew he was right. But a little teasing never killed nobody, right?
“I know I’m right.” he pointed out, mimicking your smirk.
“Is that so? And why do you think that?”
“Because you’re too stubborn for your own good sometimes. “ you should feel hurt by him calling you out on this but you felt the exact opposite. It just showed you how much he actually paid attention to you. “You’re too stubborn & you like to do things your way. So when people tell you to do something…you tend to do the exact opposite.” his bright smile plastered one on your face as well.
“Guilty.” suddenly, it was way too silent. Not the usual silence but one that was uncomfortably quiet, even more so than normal. His hand cupping your cheek brought you back to reality. Leaning into his touch involuntarily, you closed your eyes briefly. Sam took the chance & closed the gap between you two. You were frozen in place at first but found yourself melting into the kiss soon. It was better than you ever imagined. And you were glad that he was the one who took that first step. Because you were, you had to agree with Sam here, way too stubborn to deal with this yourself.
After breaking away from each other, he rested his forehead against yours. Neither of you said anything for a few minutes. You simply enjoyed being with each other. Bucky’s words made their way into your mind again & you could not help but start laughing.
“What?” Sam pulled back, looking at you with that charming smile of his. Oh, how he loved when you laughed.
“Just…” you shook your head. “Bucky told me earlier today that I’m only myself when I’m with you. And I think I finally know what he meant.”
“Yeah? What did he mean?” he inquired.
“You know me better than I know myself.” this made him smile even wider. Leaning in one more time, he pressed another loving kiss to your lips. Wherever this was going, you could not wait for your journey with Sam.
Published (04/29/2021) by Cathy
Tags: @bibliophilewednesday, @msmarvelsmain, @babygirlwilly, @patricexirene (thanks for your support <3)
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