#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i've been thinking about this for so much time like— it had become UNBEARABLE atsp

[kyovtani]

𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 – 𝐤𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐢 𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮 (𝟐)

— pairing: Kyoutani Kentarou x female Reader

— genre: smut, angst, little bit of fluff to keep the balance; tattoo artist!kyoutani, inexperienced!reader, strangers to lovers!AU, SLOW BURN

— word count: 9.6k

— warnings: swearing, mentions of infidelity and violence, as well as the consumption of drugs and alcohol; smut: corruption kink, degradation and dumbification, dacryphilia, praising, spitting, (soft) dom!kyou, oral (m. receiving), fingering, dry humping, unprotected sex (dont do that kids), impreg kink, iwaoi say hi-

— (A/N: and here’s part two! thank you SO much for all the love you sent my way after i published the first part. ngl i was a little nervous bc i thought it was boring and not interesting at all but you guys easily pushed me out of that hole so thank you for everything. i love and appreciate you with my whole heart. all the love, zade xx)

[ part one ]

— summary: after fucking up, you make it your mission to get him back..(im so bad at this pls just- okay.)

"He's not picking up, Hana", you say, another soft cry falling from your lips before you bury your face in your pillow.

“Once in my fucking life a guy treats me good and the way I've always wanted to be treated and I had to fuck it up. Why the fuck am I like this, Hana? Why can I not enjoy one fucking good thing in my fucking mediocre life", the profanities keep coming just like the tears and the amount of frustration and anger rushing through your veins is nowhere near normal anymore.

"Calm down, love", Hana sighs and makes you sit up so she can look into your tear stained face as she tries her best to make sure her words actually find their way to your pain clouded mind, "at this point you shouldn't worry too much because you do know Kyoutani, don't you? He does lose his temper a lot, so give him the time he needs and then you'll show up at his doorstep, suck his cock and make up with him, yeah?", she explains calmly.

"If this hurts you so much, why the fuck did you even say he's just a friend, Y/N? I really don't understand", Hana mumbles and lets out another sigh, her hands caressing yours softly, managing to calm you down a little bit.

“You're right, I should just– give him some time and things will eventually fall into place", you reply after crying a little more and with an encouraging smile your best friend nods at you before she suggests a movie marathon to which you happily agree.

At least something to distract you from all the demons inside your head.

After changing into your pj's and doing your night time routine, you plop down onto the couch next to your bestie again, her eyes focused on the phone in her hand and knowing she's probably either sexting or inviting her new boyfriend has you shrugging at her lack of attention as you start looking for a good movie to begin the night with.

However, just when you're about to read the description of some kind of french rom-com, Hana puts her phone back into her lap and starts staring at you with her pretty eyes widened in shock.

"What's wrong?", you ask and turn to look at her, reaching for her hands but before you even get the chance to touch her, Hana unlocks her phone and holds it up for you to watch someone's instagram story.

The video begins with loud music, a crowd full of young college students whose faces definitely are familiar.

Everyone in the video is dancing, making out, smoking and just chatting in a random living room and every now and then there's someone yelling in the back – a typical college party.

However, just as the video is about to end, the camera shifts to a tall male leaning against the wall, obviously standing really close to the person who's filming and it takes you a full blown thirty seconds to realize who said male is.

Kyoutani Kentarou.

You stare at the phone for another minute, your throat dry and your head empty as a thick veil of tears slowly starts blurring your sight before you finally decide to pay attention to the username.

"He can't be fucking serious", you hiss, fisting the blanket beneath you, the urge to punch something or someone becoming unbearable, "what the fuck is he doing at a random college party with – Sora?"

"Y/N, don't–", "Whose party is that?", you interrupt your best friend, not giving a single fuck about her attempts to calm you down; not anymore. Hana gulps harshly and strictly avoids your gaze as she mumbles a name and you roll your eyes, asking her to speak up with an annoyed sigh.

"It's one of Yuuji’s frat parties", and as soon as your best friend says the name of your ex-boyfriend, a cold shiver of disgust runs down your spine and you can feel yourself getting lightheaded from all the emotions rushing through your overwhelmed body.

"Don't follow me if you're going to stop me from leaving, Hana", you say and stand up before quickly disappearing inside your room.

You have no idea how you manage to get dressed, your outfit consisting of a pair of jeans and a hoodie you can't even remember buying and you don't even wanna think about what your hair and face look like when you end up leaving the house with your keys and your phone.

After driving this route for over two years on an almost daily basis, it takes you less than ten minutes to arrive in front of the huge house your ex-boyfriend lives in.

The memories start finding their way back into your head way too fast, taking away your breath and numbing your whole body because even if you didn’t love Yuuji anymore, the bitter feeling of betrayal still manages to hit you in just the right way.

It takes you a lot of willpower to actually approach the house and eventually get in. And after being in between the crowds of drunk, stinky college students, you remember why you hate college parties so much.

"I – Wow”, a familiar voice manages to break through the loud music, your instant reaction just an annoyed eye roll, “you were the last person I expected to see at one of our frat parties", Yuuji says and comes to stand in front of you.

His blonde hair messily falling into his handsome face and from the way his whole face seems to be covered in the deepest shade of red – including his eyes – you know that he's probably higher than the stars and you can't help but sigh.

"I'm not here to party, Yuuji", you hiss, feeling the anger crawl up your spine again the longer you look at your ex, "my boyfriend is here and I have to talk to him."

"So you and that tattooed guy are actually a thing? Didn't think so since he, you know – showed up with another girl", Terushima mumbles and pulls out a cigarette from his pocket, a mischievous smile on his lips.

"Oh, shut the fuck up, Yuuji", you spit back and roll your eyes, taking in the way the pretty boy arches his brows up in pure shock at your rather new attitude, "go and get high or whatever you do to feel proud of yourself", are the last words you say to him before you walk away, your heart thrumming inside your throat.

Your eyes roam the huge crowd, desperately searching for the only face you wanna look at right now and you try to remember where they were standing in the video Sora had posted only to realize that you can't remember.

After all you only watched the video once, your whole attention laying on Kyoutani. And after almost fifteen minutes, you find yourself slowly giving up.

Maybe this was just not meant to happen or maybe Kyoutani has left already.

He probably left with Sora- something you can’t and won’t ever blame him for.

After all she's literally one of the prettiest and hottest girls you have ever seen – anyone who rejects her would be out of their mind (or not attracted to girls which isn't the case when it comes to Kyoutani).

You give it another ten minutes of desperately looking around before you let out a deep sigh which gets lost in the loudness and thick air of the party before you finally start making your way back to the front door.

You quickly walk back to your car, trying your best to ignore everyone around you, especially all the drunk guys who are currently about to get into a verbal fight over something totally random and the last thing you want to experience those threats becoming reality.

At some point you're scared they might even include you which is probably why you end up literally sprinting and even though you always park so far away from frat houses just because you've heard way too many stories of people getting their cars stolen during parties, but right now you just wished you would have listened to your gut feeling and parked in front of the fraternity like every normal person.

However, to your life long luck, you spot a tall figure standing a little too close to your vehicle just as you’re about to unlock it. You slow down your movements almost instantly upon seeing the stranger, yet your eyes still try to figure out if it's someone you know despite the darkness surrounding the two of you.

He has probably spotted you by now, after all you're still panting like crazy from speed walking down to where your car is and it takes you a full minute to realize how loud you're actually being.

"Y/N", the male suddenly says, his deep voice sending shivers down your spine and even though it could have been everyone, it sounds a tad bit too familiar to your ears which is probably why you end up approaching him slowly.

"It's me, Kyoutani", he adds and at the same moment the words leave his lips, you finally recognize his pretty features which seem extra beautiful underneath the bright moonlight.

And then realization hits you.

"How did you know–", "Hana called me and asked if I could make sure you got home even if I didn't want to talk to you. So, here I am. Get in the car so I can tell her I did my part of the job", he interrupts you quickly, obviously not having the intention to interact with you and the way his usually so tender-filled eyes and calming voice are nothing but ice-cold has a thick veil of tears blurring your sight.

Never ever did you think about the moment, where Kyoutani puts the cold mask on he loved to hide behind when he had first looked at you all those weeks ago.

And the longer he avoids your gaze, the heavier the burden on your chest becomes.

"I'm sorry, Tani", you whisper, your voice breaking at the end, easily giving away how much his cold demeanor has gotten to you.

“Of course you're not just a friend to me and I d-don't know why I introduced you like that, everything happened so quickly and I – panicked. It's not an excuse and does not justify my behavior but I just wanted you to know that you've always been more than just a friend to me", you continue, managing to keep talking upon realizing that Kyoutani won't interrupt you and the way he even listens to you with his eyes looking everywhere but yours is absolutely enough for you.

"What am I to you then, Y/N? Am I the guy you're casually fucking? Your booty call? Am I your second choice? Like what the fuck do you expect me to say? I know we never put a label to – this", he starts pointing at you and then himself, "but you knew I was serious about it, about you. So, I just don't understand why you would even think about considering me a friend. I told you that I am not one for that friends with benefits kinda shit and you agreed yet you did this and now I can't help but be convinced you just used me to get that Yuuji fucker.”

Kyoutani is angry and he doesn't even try to hide it as he spits out those words, the ones he’s probably been dying to say out loud for the past few days and you know he has every right to actually be mad at you, his words still hit you in a way you didn't expect them to.

"I'd never do that to you, Kentarou; I'd never use you like that, please believe me", you say quickly, a little surprised you're even able to form proper sentences.

“You m-mean so much to me and I just don't know how to put it into words. My heart hurt so much when I watched you type your number into Sora's phone but the demons in my head, they just kept talking over my heart and – I'm just really sorry, Kyou, I really am", you sigh and after realizing that he's not going to look at you, you finally manage to shift your gaze away from his pretty face.

"Go home, Y/N. It's been a long day for both of us and I think some more distance will help me get my mind straight", Kyoutani replies after a long, torturous beat of silence lingering in the cold air and even if it wasn’t the reply you had hoped to hear, you're glad he's at least not completely ending it.

"Okay b-but at least let me drive you home?", you ask softly, wiping away the few tears which had managed to escape and when you look up at the beautiful faced male in front of you, his eyes meet you for the first time since what feels like forever and you feel yourself melting away.

"I don't think that's a good idea, pretty girl", Kyoutani sighs, the soft pet name sending your mind into the sweetest haze of comfort just like that, "it's only been a few days but I am craving your touch and I just know I'm going to lose it and fuck you against the next best surface if we get into that car together, so I have to decline this offer", he adds and takes another step back, his lips stretching into a tiny smile and you can’t deny how much his words have you gotten you worked up, but you have no choice but to nod.

"Have a good night, baby", Kyoutani sighs and deep down you're hoping for a kiss, after all it's been way too long since you got to feel close to him but instead, he just lifts his hand up and starts waving at you and just as he is about to turn around, you find yourself reaching for his wrist. The fear and despair inside of you making you a little too brave for your personal liking but you know you can't just let him walk away like that.

"Please, Tani- Kyoutani", you whisper and let out a soft sigh of relief when he turns around to face you again, "I won't try anything, I just want to spend a little bit more time with you."

Kyoutani takes a deep breath, his dark eyes roaming your face and wandering down your body and even though it feels like he's literally devouring you alive, you enjoy his burning gazes regardless, a hidden part inside of you even craving them.

A solid minute passes by before he lets out a sigh and gives you a nod, his plump lips pressed into a thin line.

It takes you another deep breath and a couple of seconds to actually calm yourself down from the rollercoaster of emotions you've been through within the time span of an hour and as you sit there in your car, inhaling the cold air of the night, your mind starts replaying everything that went down, starting from the day you met Kyoutani, to your first and most recent kiss, as well as the encounter with Sora and your deep anger towards Yuuji.

The drive to Kyoutani's apartment passes by in a blur, way too fast for your liking and you can't help but pout when you pull up in front of the huge building, knowing very well that this will be the last interaction with the handsome tattoo artist for the upcoming few days and you can already feel tears pricking at the corners of your eyes.

He's been awfully quiet, not like you actually said anything but Kyoutani's silence was intense, boring into your soul and actually suffocating you to a point where the urge to just jump out of the car became overwhelming.

You know he's probably going through everything just like you, yet the feeling that his thoughts are more on the negative side just won't leave you alone and you hate the way your assumptions are being confirmed as soon as Kyoutani turns to look at you.

"I – love you, Y/N", he suddenly says, his voice soft and calm, yet still deep and the way it's filled with tenderness and the sweetest bit of longing makes the effect of those magical words even heavier.

Your lips part in shock, your head having a difficult time actually processing his confession and you can feel your whole body going into a standby mode.

"But you're not good for me."

You remember the way your heart broke into thousands of pieces when you found out the alleged love of your life was cheating on you without even batting an eye.

The pain was so intense and heavy, you didn't know how to deal with it and at some point you were convinced that your heart had stopped beating for a solid minute. It was bad, left you speechless and threw you into a hole of darkness you barely managed to escape from, yet still leaving you grateful for the experience.

You thought your first heartbreak would be able to prepare you for what's to come in the future, but what you went through as soon as those words had fallen past Kyoutani’s lips, can't be compared to anything you've ever felt before.

Your heart starts clenching as his words keep replaying inside of your head and your throat so is going absolutely dry from your desperate attempts to gasp for air as the feeling of being suffocated comes back.

Everything around you seems to disappear, your eyes still focused on Kyoutani's intense gaze as the feeling of emptiness starts filling up your whole body.

You easily lose track of time, your heart beat so slow and heavy and when the wave of reality crashes you yet again, an almost inaudible sob falls past your lips.

"B-But...", you can't get yourself to speak, the words getting stuck in your throat and soft cries the only thing filling the inside of your car.

And yet, there are so many things you want to tell him, so many things rushing through your mind at the highest speed, almost impossible to grasp them and actually put them into proper sentences.

"You have too much control over me. I lost myself trying to fit into the picture of a lover you need and deserve. But – I am not who I used to be anymore”, Kyoutani explains, nervously rubbing the sides of his pierced node with his thumb as he avoids looking in your direction at all costs.

“I am scared of losing what's obviously not mine. You make me feel weak and vulnerable and I just can't deal with it. You've become the center of my world, and I can't control how much it affects me. How much you affect me and – I hate it", he continued, his voice is still incredibly calm, yet a bittersweet tone of fear coating every single one of his words.

"B-But...", yet again, the whole of your vocabulary seems vanished, not one word to say as the knot in your throat tightens even further.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I thought I could do it but – I am not meant to love and you deserve to be loved in the most special way possible”, he takes another quick break, letting out a sigh of exhaustion, “and that's why I'm letting you go. Please, don't hate me. Take care and – goodbye, my love.”

Those are his last words before he presses his lips against your forehead, making your head spin like crazy because of the contrast of his heartbreaking words and his soft kiss.

Kyoutani leaves without saying another word. He doesn't even look back once as he walks away and enters the apartment building, while you can't stop staring at the door with hot tears streaming down your cheeks and loud sobs filling the suffocating air surrounding you.

There you are, yet again.

Your eyes staring into the dark night as your body tries to cope with the intensity of pain you've thought you had overcome.

The constant breaking of your heart starts numbing every part of your body and you slowly start losing yourself in this certain kind of darkness.

Seconds turn into minutes and without even realizing, a whole hour has gone by with you staring into nothing.

Your mind plays games with you as it keeps replaying his words, his behavior, his kiss and the feeling of slowly but certainly going insane as you get out of the car a little too fast.

You tumble back, the sudden coldness hitting you right in the face and the mental as well as physical exhaustion has your body trembling.

And then it hits you.

The wave of anger, wrath, frustration and hatred literally wakes you up, pulls you back into reality and ends up taking over you completely.

Your eyes find the huge apartment building Kyoutani lives in, staring at it as if you could set it on fire and you know what you're about to do is a bad idea but your body acts before your mind can even get the chance to intervene.

And that's how you find yourself almost brutality slamming your fist against Kyoutani's door, your heart hammering against your rib cage way too fast for it to be still physically healthy and ten thousand different thoughts rushing through your chaotic mind.

"What the fuck is going – Y/N", Kyoutani looks at you with his pretty eyes slightly widened in shock, his lips parting as he struggles to keep his eyes on you and a disgusting feeling of shame and embarrassment starts filling you up.

You know this is pathetic, you are aware of how stupid you look standing in front of him like this but you just can't get yourself to actually care about it.

"Y/N, please don't-", "No, I listened to what you had to say and now I'm going to talk and you're going to listen to me. Before that I am not going anywhere because I deserve this", you cut him off, hands balled into fists as you try to stay calm but the more you think about his words in the car, the angrier you get.

"I–", Kyoutani sighs, his eyes nervously roaming your face and upon noticing the way you seem to shiver from the cold and your lack of clothing, he lets his conscience get the best of him, "alright, come in then.”

You follow him inside, the familiar scent of vanilla and Kyoutani's favorite febreeze scent filling your nose and you hate the way how comfortable you are.

After all you've been spending quite some time in this apartment; visiting him after your classes so he could bury his face between your legs and then offer you some homemade food, followed by a good old ghibli movie and lots of cuddles has become some kind of routine.

Oh, how you hate him for ruining all of those memories.

"Do you want something to drink? You're probably freezing", he offers, his voice filled with concern and you know he is right and you'd definitely give everything for a cup of tea and maybe some water, you still shove all of your body’s basic needs into the very back of your head and try to regain your composure.

"I – you – we", you take a deep breath, your mind struggling to put all of those racing thoughts into some kind of order, yet failing miserably.

But there's so much you want to say to him; so many things you want him to hear and now that you are actually standing in front of him, your body betrays you.

"You're a fucking coward, Kyoutani Kentarou", is the first thing you finally manage to let out, "and I hate you for leaving me like this. I fucking hate you.”

Deep down, you hate yourself for saying those words; the choice of words and the incredible heaviness they come with are usually not your way of expressing yourself yet you're not regretting them.

You don't know how this night is going to end, maybe this will be the last time you get to see Kyoutani or he'll eventually fuck you into oblivion and you finally end up together; but nevertheless you want your words to hurt him; you want them to wake him up just like his did to you.

"How dare you confess your love to me and tell me I basically ruined your life in the same breath when you're the one who's fucking all of this – us up. Yes, I’ve made a mistake and I've been regretting my choice of words for the past four days, even came to the point where I accepted your distance and decided to let go because I know how much my words hurt you. But us ending like this? Definitely not going to happen", Kyoutani stares at you with his pretty eyes focusing you attentively, barely blinking, not moving at all; he’s just listening to you.

"I just – don't understand how you can be this oblivious."

"Oblivious? Oblivious to what?", he asks, his voice a little deeper and raspier, sending goosebumps straight dow your spine as if your body needed to remind you the effect he has on you.

"Oblivious to everything. This is what love does to people, Kentarou. Of course you're going to feel weak and vulnerable because of me - because of the one you love. After all the point of being loved and loving someone else is showing those vulnerabilities and weakness to the person you trust the most because you know, or at least you hope, they won't take advantage of it.”

You take a deep breath, your mind slowing down as you ease yourself into his calming embrace and subconsciously losing yourself in the comfort it comes with.

“I'm yours. I've been yours since the very first day and we both know this, that's why you are so scared of losing me. And that's why my words hurt you so much”, you can tell that he’s already processing your words as much as he can; his habit of scratching the back of his head giving him away easily.

"You said you've lost yourself trying to fit into this picture of someone who I deserve but – you are the one who created that picture in the first place. Just because my first boyfriend was an alleged goody two shoes doesn't mean that you have to be like that too. Fuck that", you hiss, the thought of Kyoutani changing even the slightest bit about himself sending jolts of anger through your veins, "I don't care if you dropped out of college or that you have tattoos and piercings and bleach blonde hair. None of that matters to me because it's you, your kind heart and your pure soul I fell in love with.”

And suddenly - you can feel the burden on your shoulders disappear when those certain words leave your lips and the second Kyoutani raises his eyebrows in slight surprise before he locks eyes with you again has another breath of fresh air run through your suffocated lungs.

"Yes, I'm in love with you, Kyoutani Kentarou. Believe it or not, but for me, you're perfect just like this, with all your tiny habits and every single tattoo. There's nothing I'd change about you and I'm genuinely, truly sorry if I ever made you feel like you needed to change for me. You're a great guy and I guess that's why I ran back here after sitting in that car, crying for an hour because I couldn't stop thinking about the way you confessed your love to me”, you feel the thick veil of tears appear before they manage to block your sight, making the pretty face in front of you turn into bourry little pixels as your emotions overwhelm you.

“And yes, you are meant to be loved; maybe not meant to be loved by me but you deserve to be loved, do you hear me?"

You go up to him, closing some of the distance between the two of you before your finger darts out and poke his strong chest, trying to ease the tension after letting go of all those thoughts, "you deserve to love and to be loved because you're a good person. And I just – wanted to thank you for letting me into your life. Meeting you, getting to know the beautiful person you are has been one of the best things that has happened to me and I will cherish these memories forever."

And with those words you take a deep breath, let out another sigh, goving away your acceptance of defeat before you lift your head and prepare yourself to say your last goodbye no matter how painful it is.

"Take care, Kyoutani Kentarou and thank you, for everything", the words fall past your lips in the form of a whisper solely because you're too scared to break if you raised your volume just slightly.

You turn around and feel the first tear find its way down your cheek before you even get to walk away.

And just as you wrap your fingers around the doorknob, the sound of rushed footsteps approaching you makes you halt your movements.

"D-Don't go", Kyoutani suddenly says, his voice breaking when he comes to stand behind you, so close you can actually feel the warmth he's radiating, "I need you...so bad", he whispers into your ear, pressing his forehead against the back of your neck and it's like everything that happened tonight becomes irrelevant.

You turn around, not expecting Kyoutani to push you against the door with his whole body, yet still embracing him as much as you can.

With a soft sob, you start inhaling his unique scent, grazing his soft skin with your fingers and letting the warmth blossom inside of your chest after feeling his rapid heartbeat beneath your palm.

"Don't leave me, please", he cries, the tears running down his flushed cheeks despite his desperate attempts of holding back, "let's do this whole love thing.”

You stand there for what feels like an eternity, just hugging each other, taking in each other's presence and calming down from everything that has happened in such a short time. You finally calm down completely, Kyoutani's soft touches and tiny kisses give you the last bit of energy you needed and for the first time in almost three months, there's not one demon in your head trying to make you overthink something.

Because this feels perfect; there's literally no other word to describe the feeling of holding Kyoutani Kentarou and being held by him.

But nevertheless, you've been on a constant adrenaline rush for the past four hours and the exhaustion has been killing you, making you grow tired a lot faster than usual.

"What about moving this to your room, hm? I'd rather fall asleep with you in your bed than against the door; especially because I know the boys are out and will be coming home soon", you say softly, lifting Kyoutani's head from the crook of your neck and looking at him.

He sighs and gives you a soft kiss, giving you a nod in response before he gets himself to let go of you; his warmth leaving with him and it's almost disgusting how you literally crave his presence.

After Kyoutani makes you drink two glasses of water to avoid the dehydration of your body, he hands you one of his thick hoodies and leaves you to get ready in his bathroom.

You come back to the sight of him sitting against the headboard of his king sized bed, his oversized shirt revealing the perfect amount of collarbones and you enjoy the sight of his pretty skin and the dark lines covering most of it as well as the way his sweats hug his strong thighs in the best way possible.

And as you watch his eyes lazily roam your body, a hot jolt of arousal finds its way through your veins and right to your cunt.

"Don't look at me like that, sweet girl", Kyoutani suddenly groans and cocks his head to the side, his tongue poking out to wet his lips before he gulps harshly; his eyes never once leaving yours.

"B-But Tani...", you reply, approaching him with tiny steps become you come to stand right next to his tall figure, feeling yourself growing needier because of the way your body is craving his touch now more than ever.

“Baby…”, he replies and gulps harshly, knowing your body better than yourself after weeks of getting to know you in a way nobody has ever before.

"Please, Tani...please, fuck me. I need to feel you inside of me. I've been waiting for so long...", you plead, your fingers coming to graze his pretty lips as memories of all the times he had turned you into a crying mess with those lips.

Kyoutani is just as affected by the change in tension as you, the slight bulge in his grey sweatpants as well as the hunger burning in his eyes giving him away.

"You're such a pretty angel girl, aren’t you?", he whispers and sits up, pulling you closer to make you stand in between his legs as he starts caressing your hot cheeks with his fingers.

“Yet you're saying all those naughty things”, Kentarou chuckles deeply, “imagine how people would react if they knew what a cockhungry little slut you actually are", upon hearing those degrading names, your cunt starts clenching around nothing and a high pitched whimper escaped your throat.

"For you...", you whisper, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth the second Kyoutani starts placing open mouthed kisses on your neck.

Your fingers dig into his shoulders, pulling the material of his shirt a little too tightly.

"Of course, baby, you're mine after all and this sweet cunt", the sudden feeling of his palm pressing against the damped fabric of your panties has you gasping for air, "belongs to me, and me only", Kyoutani grunts, pulling the skin of your neck between his lips before he starts sucking gently as well as slowly moving his fingers against the lacey fabric between your legs.

"Yes, it's yours", you reply, after several weeks of being intimate with Kyoutani you've learned one thing and that's how much he loves hearing you say all those dirty and lewd things, "please fuck me."

"Patience, my love, patience. I am going to fuck you", Kentarou replies calmly and suddenly pushes you away, his hands disappearing from your body and when your lid flutter open because of the lack of touch, he shoots you one of his cocky smirks, "but let's not forget the whole friend situation, hm? What about you make it up to me before I fuck you like the little whore you are?"

His words have excitement rush through your blood, your head literally spinning just from the thought of finally getting to be on the giving end after weeks of him playing the selfless lover.

You nod eagerly, anticipation sparkling in your eyes as you watch him palm himself over his sweats before you get on your knees and wait for him to let go of his now fully erect cock.

However, the more seconds pass by like this, the more nervous you become because for some reason you suddenly remember that you've basically never sucked dick before.

Your head shoots up with slight panic written all over your face and of course Kyoutani notices your change in demeanor right away.

"What's wrong, angel?", he asks you and stops the movements of his hands.

"I don't know how to do it, Tani", you whisper, knowing there's no point in being shy about it, after all he happens to be the guy you've experienced your most firsts with.

"It's okay, baby, I'm going to help you”, Kyoutani replies and actually loses his composure for a second, “fuck baby, don't look at me like this when I'm literally about to fuck your throat", he hisses, throwing his head back as he grunts and his hips desperately bucking into the air.

Kyoutani takes another deep breath before he finally pushes his hand underneath the waistband of his sweats and with your eyes focused on his movements, you watch him pull out his hard length, a soft hiss falling past his plump lips when the coldness of the room grazes the slightly wet tip of his cock.

You gulp harshly, his impressive size in girth as well as length has your pussy throbbing like crazy, yet you can't help but wonder how the hell he's going to fit inside of you.

“Don't worry, baby, I know you're going to take all of my cock like the good girl you are", Kyoutani says after observing your facial expressions for some time.

"Give me your hand", he asks you softly, his voice still raspy and incredibly hoarse yet still soothing and you appreciate his attempts to calm himself down so you won't feel too nervous. With your heart slamming against your rib cage, you lift your hand up and are slightly overwhelmed at the sudden feeling of Kyoutani's warm spit pooling inside your palm. Without adding anything, he straightens himself and motions you to stroke his hard cock.

Not once do you stop looking at him as you wrap your fingers around the base of his impressive length and slowly start jerking him off.

Kyoutani cocks his head to the side, his bottom lip pulled in between his teeth and his eyes constantly fluttering close.

"Start with the tip, angel- just wrap your lips around it and start sucking, but be careful with your teeth, yeah baby?", he grunts, his hips thrusting into your fist every time the pace of your strokes slows down.

You give him yet another nod before look up at him one more time and do as he says.

The feeling of his cock between your lips is – different.

It feels like it's not supposed to be there, yet the salty taste of his precum coating your tongue has you sighing softly. Your tongue darts out, giving his tip a tiny kitten lick before you go back to sucking on it eagerly.

And while you seem to enjoy it a lot, Kyoutani is going absolutely crazy. You can see the way he's tensing his body as his grip in the bed sheets tightens and the vein on his neck pops out.

"F-Fuck, baby, just like that", he praises you "now try to take more of it in a-and use your hand for the rest", Kyoutani's voice is shaky, his eyes are nervously roaming your swollen lips and the string of spit connecting them to the tip of his cock.

Without giving it another thought, you take a deep breath and take more of him, trying your best to not graze his sensitive cock with your teeth and despite your initial struggle, you still enjoy the feeling of his cock on your tongue.

You subconsciously wrap your fingers around the part of his cock which you can't fit inside your mouth and suddenly it's like your body knows exactly what to do.

Kyoutani's moans grow louder and the soft thrusts of his hips become a little less controlled. You look up at him every now and then, trying your best to keep the steady rhythm as you bop your head.

And then he suddenly thrusts his length all the way to the back of your throat, your gag reflex just about to go off when he pulls back which is the moment you take notice of the tears streaming down your cheeks.

You give him a soft smile before going back to wrapping your lips around his tip, but you don't get very far.

Kyoutani pulls you back, his grip on the back of your neck not firm enough to hurt you.

"I promise I'm going to fuck your throat properly and even cum in your mouth the next time we do this but right now I just can't stop thinking about that tight cunt of yours", he says, helping you get up and almost instantly pulling you onto his lap; his wet cock rubbing against your panty covered core as Kyoutani pulls you in for a kiss.

It's sloppy and rushed, the way his tongue grazes over yours before he pulls it between his lips and starts sucking at it. Your hips start moving against his cock, your sensitive pussy craving some kind of friction as the arousal has your head spinning like crazy.

You start moaning and whimpering into his mouth when Kyoutani’s hips start meeting your desperate movements, applying the perfect amount of pressure onto your needy clit.

You feel the knot in the pit of your stomach tightening, the clenching of your cunt becoming worse the more you hump Kyoutani's cock like a woman starved.

But nothing prepares you for the feeling of one of his large digits entering you. Your hole start clenching around his finger Kyoutani pushes another one in, both digits buried inside of your little cunt.

"Such a good girl for me, aren't you, baby? I'm going to finger you nice and slow so you're ready for my cock. Now come on, my love; show me what a good whore you are and ride my fingers", Kyoutani encourages you, his hot breath fanning against the sensitive skin behind your ear and without missing a beat, your hips meet the skillful thrusts of his fingers.

Kyoutani continues to whisper naughty things into your ear, his other hand eventually wrapping around your throat as he makes sure you look into his eyes when you stumble over the edge.

Your high hits you hard and fast, the intensity knocking the breath out of your lungs and leaving you gasping for it; something you should be used to by now yet still can't believe is even possible.

He pushes you off of his lap softly, helps you get rid of his shirt as well as your ruined panties before he makes you lay down in the middle of his bed; eyes locking with yours when he also starts undressing.

"My pretty girl", Kyoutani sighs, his hand caressing the soft skin of your thighs, spanking you every now and then just because he's absolutely obsessed with the way your whole body tenses whenever his hand meets your skin.

“Look at me", he orders and almost instantly your head shoots up to meet his gaze, the sight of his naked body distracting you a lot more than you expected but after all this is the first time you get to see the rest of his tattoos; the ones you usually only get a tiny glimpse of depending on his outfit choice.

Kyoutani spreads your legs apart, his eyes never leaving yours even when he starts jerking off again and you can't hold back the soft whimpers and begs leaving your lips.

But also something about his flushed cheeks and swollen lips as well as his messy hair falling into his face has you incredibly turned on.

"We've never talked about this before but are you on the pill, baby?", he asks, pushing one of his thumbs into his mouth before he brings it down to your clit and starts rubbing soft circles into it, making you arch your back off of the mattress as you bury your face in the pillow to keep your noises down.

"N-No", you whisper, a deep sigh coming from Kyoutani and even though you know you shouldn’t do it, you stop him from bending over to the drawer of his nightstand, making him look at you in confusion.

“But I still want you to raw me, please...", you add and gulp harshly when his whole body seems to go into some kind of haze once the words leaveyour lips.

Kyoutani looks at you, his eyes darkening even more as he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and lets out a loud moan of your name.

"I can't just raw you, baby", he presses through gritted teeth, his mask slowly falling apart the more you rub yourself against his cock, "you've never had sex without a condom and my pull out game is weak, even weaker when it comes to you because fuck – the thought of filling you up with my cum sounds so fucking good", Kyou groans when you scoot up a little, taking his length into your hand before you line him up with your entrance.

"B-But what if you get pregnant, sweet girl?", he sighs and tries to pull away, making you wrap your arms around his neck as you look into his pretty eyes.

"That will just show everyone around us how well you've fucked me", you whisper and elicit another deep moan from him, his whole body shaking slightly as he tries to hold himself back from just pounding into you.

"Such a cockhungry whore", he hisses and – finally – starts pushing his fat cock into your tiny cunt, the slight stretch making you both gasp for air.

“If that's what you want, then that’s what you get, you little slut. I'm going to fucking raw you and fill you up with all of my cum, make you my cumslut", Kyoutani grunts, pulling your bottom lip between his teeth before he harshly grabs your face and looks into your eyes as he buries more of himself inside of you.

"F-Fuck, you're big", you whimper, throwing your head back and trying your very best to stop clenching around his cock.

“We're almost there, baby- you got this, s-stop clenching", Kyoutani grunts against your parted lips. Without a warning, Kyoutani pushes the rest of his huge cock inside of you, bottoming out completely.

“F-Fuck...you’re so– tight”, Kentarou grunts, his fingers digging into the flesh of your hips as he buries his face in the crook of your neck, “it’s like you’ve never been fucked before.”

“S-So good...so fucking good, nngh-”, your little whimpers and whines are slurred, barely coherent as the feeling of being filled to the brim pushes you into a haze of pleasure.

You feel the pulsation of his cock against your spongy walls, his hands nervously roaming your body and groping one of your tits, as he obviously tries to calm himself down.

And then he finally starts moving.

A deep, guttural moan leaves the both of you when he pulls himself out of your tight hole, dragging his huge cock along the walls of your little cunt in the most delicious way possible before he almost brutally shoves himself back in again.

“Mhm, just like that, you little brat”, he grunts, sitting up on his knees as he pushes your legs further apart, his eyes focusing the way his fat cock stretches your hole just how he’s been imagining it all this time, “coming up to me and talking about having your little cunt rawed like some cumhungry little whore.”

You start nodding almost instantly at his words, your brain barely recognizing them, the only thing you can focus on being the way the tip of his cock grazes the entrance to your womb with every harsh, brutal thrust of his hips.

His thrusts find a steady rhythm, hard and so, so deep.

“Open your mouth”, Kyoutani grunts, a single drop of sweat finding its way down the center of his tattooed chest, the sight making you whimper and whine for him even louder as you part your lips as soon as you process his words.

“You know what? I’d rather have you say it”, he suddenly hisses, pulling his cock out of your spasming cunt before he presses your legs together and shoves himself back inside of you with one skilled thrust of his hips.

You have no idea at what point you start crying but by the time Kyoutani's moans and grunts start picking up their pace, you're a sobbing mess.

“S-Say wh-what?”, you sob, hiding your tear and spit stained face behind your hands, not daring to look up at him.

“I want you to ask for my spit and beg for my cum”, Kentarou’s voice grows raspier, the dominance seething through every single one of his words makes it so easy for you to fall even further into the hole of absolute submission, “and stop hiding yourself, angel girl..I wanna watch the way I’m fucking your brains out.”

A row of loud, high pitched whines and a combination of sobs and moans are the only thing you manage to respond with, your brain clouded with the feeling of his thick cock dragging along the spongy walls of your cunt.

And before you can even comprehend his next movement, you hear the loud sound of skin meeting skin followed by the delicious feeling of a sting sending jolts of pain through your body, something you’ve come to love after so many hours with the tattoo artist.

“I told you to ask and beg for it, angel girl..you’re making me wait”, Kentarou spits, never once halting the movements of his hips as he watches the way you start sobbing even more, your cunt spasming around his cock after his painful spank.

“Please...f-fuck, please spit in my mouth and my face and on my cunt- want it all”, you start brabbling, another row of incohrent begs following right afterwars as your hips sloppily meet his harsh thrusts, “I want you to stuff me full of your cum, too- please, Daddy, wanna be your little c-cumdumpster.”

“There you go..”, Kyoutani’s plump lips stretch into a big smile as his cock throbs at the sound of that one forbidden little word he’s come to love even more after hearing it from you only a handful of times.

He didn’t hesitate to tell you about how much it turns him on around two weeks after the two fo you had started dating and even though he never really expected you to use it, he was secretely hoping for you to overcome your shyness.

You had used it only twice before when the pleasure had gotten too much for your brain to handle and Kyoutani knew you’d stop holding yourself back as soon as you got a taste of his cock.

“What did you just call me, pretty girl?”, he cooes, giggling softly at the way you whimper and cry even harder, knowing oh so well what he wants to hear.

And for the first time you just can’t get yourself to argue with the little voice in the back of your head; the feeling of his cock stretching your tiny cunt making it so, so easy to just let go of all those doubts and worries.

“Please, Daddy”, you reply and look into his eyes, groping your own tits as you arch your back to feel him even deeper inside of you, “n-need your cum inside of me...please- want everyone to know who I belong to.”

You don’t really expect it, yet your pussy almost instantly start clenching around his cock when kyoutani harshly grabs your face, making you part your lips before he spits into your mouth.

The loud, lewd sound of it rings in your ears in the best way possible and acting like a literal aphrodisiac in combination with the delicious taste of his saliva coating the hot muscle of your tongue.

You hum softly before you swallow it all, a gentle sob escaing your lips before you look up at him again.

"Now go on, angel girl”, he growls, pushing his hand in between your legs to rub circles into your hardened clit, “I want you to cum for me. Be a good little dumpster for your Daddy and show me what only I can do to you.”

You can barely process his words, the lewdness just fueling the fire in the pit of your stomach as you lose yourself in the feeling of your upcoming high. But you still start nodding, cringing at the feeling your saliva dripping down your jawline.

And with one last thrust, you feel your high crashing down onto you with such heaviness, you're left absolutely breathless.

Your whole body is trembling as the waves of your orgasm hit you, a row of incoherent words leaving your lips before you stop trying and just start crying for your precious Daddy.

"That's my baby”, is the first thing your brain manages to process again, everything still a blurry mess and when you look at Kyou, you realize you’re still cumming.

Your cunt is almost painfully spasming around his big cock, your juices dripping down the sides of his length as he helps you ride out your orgasm.

“You’re such a good, good girl for Daddy, aren’t you? I'm so proud of you", Kyoutani praises you, his thrust a little sloppier than before and from the way he's digging his fingers into the skin of your waist, you can only assume that he's also quiet close, "you're also going to take all of Daddy’s cum, right, baby? We gotta make sure I fill you up nicely..."

You take a deep breath, your slightly overstimulated cunt sending shivers down your spine as your eyes focus on Kyoutani's parted lips.

"Please, Daddy...need you to fill me up with your cum", you encourage him and when you slowly push two of your fingers into his mouth, knowing how much he loves to suck on them no matter what situation you’re both in, you finally get to see his whole face crunch up in pleasure.

His body tenses up as his grip on your waist becomes firmer before he starts cumming inside of you with a deep, raspy moan; coating the walls in several shades of white with three thick spurts of his cum.

Kyoutani buries his face in the crook of your neck as he slowly calms down, loud breathing and rushed gasps for air the only thing to fill the inside of his empty room.

"I love you so much", he whispers and gives you a soft kiss, his cock still firmly buried inside of your sensitive cunt before he shoots you a soft smile; looking almost boyish with his glossy eyes and flushed cheeks.

"I love you, too, D-Daddy”, you whisper, gulping harshly as the words leave your lips, feeling yourself grow even smaller underneath his strong yet comforting gaze, “thank you for giving us a chance", you add and pull him into for another kiss.

"Kyoutani Kentarou, your favorite group of walking disappointments is back and better than ev - oh", Iwaizumi Hajime, Kyoutani's High School best friend, fellow tattoo aritst and roommate suddenly yells and almost brutally slams open the door, startling you to the last bone in your body.

Kyoutani is quick to cover you up with his body, his hand reaching for one of the blankets on the floor as he grunts in annoyance.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know–", "What is it, Iwa-Chan? Is he jerking off again? Kyoutani Kentarou you little piece of shit, just go and fuck that–", just like Iwaizumi, Oikawa – who also happens to be his best friend, felow tattoo artist and roommate – comes to stand in the doorway, bumping into his best friend before he finally spots the two of you.

"You're naked", he points out, closing his eyes almost instantly after realizing what he has just come to witness and despite the disgusting feeling of wanting to disappear and never come back again, you can't help but giggle at their shocked and slightly disgusted faces.

Kyoutani takes a deep breath and pulls out of you, still making sure to hide you behind his body before he hands you the blanket and lets his eyes shift to the door, looking at his best friends in pure disbelief.

"Kawa stop fucking staring and – can you two please fuck off?", he yells, pulling the boys back to reality and the way both of them shift to look at you only to blush from their necks to their ears has you chuckling softly.

This type of situation is nothing you’re not used to – unfortunately.

"Uhm – of course! Oh, my fucking God! So sorry, Kyou", Iwaizumi stutters and wraps his fingers around the doorknob, avoiding your eyes as much as he can before he pushes Oikawa away and then closes the door with another row of apologies.

Kyoutani just looks at you apologetically as he shakes his head and face palms himself, making the both of you burst into loud laughter.

And after taking a shower together and actually eating some late dinner with the boys, you fall asleep with Kyoutani's arms tightly wrapped around your waist, his face buried inside the crook of your neck and one last love confession.

And when those sweet words fall past his lips yet again, you realize – you're finally home.

[ banner source ]

#haikyuu smut #hq!! smut #kyoutani smut #kyoutani kentarou smut #hq smut #haikyuu!! smut #haikyuu x female reader #hq!! x female reader #kyoutani x female reader

[halsteadlover]

Safe With Me

*Gif not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader.

• Requested by anon: Can you write one where jays partner is in an abusive relationship but she keeps it hidden until jay sees her bruises in the locker room one day, but she brushes off his concerns. And then one night he gets a call from Will saying she’s been brought to the ED after you neighbours overheard you being attacked and called the cops. And jay comes and you tell him everything and he offers to go to your apartment and get all your things and promises to be there for you for whatever you need.

• Warnings: mention of an abusive relationship, violence, swearing, mention of injuries.

• Word count: 4051.

• A/N: this is a very important topic and I don't even think I wrote this right so pls let me know if something's wrong or if I should delete it. I know it's very hard to bear it and I know I have no right to talk about this since I've never been in this situation but if you find yourself in this kind of relationship please don't be ashamed to ask for help, remember you're worthy and you deserve the best... If they hit you they don't love you!! Stay safe, love you all 💞

“No one will ever love you.”

“Oh, look at you failing like the loser you are.”

“You’re so ugly and disgusting nobody likes you, you’re lucky you’re with me.”

When you were a child you had always dreamed of a love story like the ones you saw in fairy tales, those that made you shiver and butterflies in your stomach, those that made you touch the sky with a finger, see the world more beautiful and more colored.

For a while you even thought you had found it with Damon and at first you were very happy, you thought you had really found the perfect person. He made you feel good, treated you like no one had ever done before.

You didn’t know very well what had happened, what had gone wrong in your relationship but suddenly things started to change. It was a gradual change, almost imperceptible but it was there.

Damon slowly began to distance himself from you, to behave coldly until you even began to doubt if it was something you had done. The jealousy that at first was even pleasant began to become unbearable, he started to control every move of yours, who you were with or who you were talking to, your cell phone, he began to be obsessive and go crazy for every little thing. The light that used to characterize you so much began to fade slowly, Damon took away a little of it every day that passed.

You were exhausted. You were exhausted by the constant fights, by the way he continually degraded you, offended you and made you feel worthless, how he constantly provoked you, how he controlled you. You tried to leave him but he made you regret this decision when he beat the shit out of you. After that you realized that the situation could only get worse and that if you didn’t do something very soon you could even lose your life. You knew very well how these things went, you were a cop, you saw them almost every day with victims of domestic violence and no matter how many times you tried to tell them that it would be okay and that they had to do something, you never fully understood what it meant living in such a situation, what it meant to live with constant paralyzing fear until you found yourself living it.

You felt stupid because you were aware of what was happening, you were aware that you were trapped in a toxic and abusive relationship but you just couldn’t escape that grip, Damon had manipulated and scared you to the point that it became impossible for you to escape from him.

As time went by it became harder and harder to hide what was happening from your co-workers, especially from your partner Jay.

He had noticed how gradually you began to distance yourself from everyone, even from him, to no longer going out with them anymore, you were no longer the radiant and happy person you once were and he knew it was Damon’s fault, despite you telling him constantly that things were going well and that there was nothing to worry about.

A morning you were at work, in the locker room, in front of your locker as you were arranging your badge. A noise startled you but you breathed a sigh of relief when you saw Jay standing in front of you.

“God Jay you scared me!” you exclaimed, giving him a dirty look.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to,” he said raising his hands in surrender, approaching you “How are you?”.

“I’m fine thanks and you?”

“I’m fine,” Jay replied “You didn’t say hello this morning,” he continued, leaning on the locker and crossing his arms over his chest “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m fine,” you said putting on a fake smile “I was just late, nothing happened.”

Jay didn’t answer right away but he kept looking at you, so intensely almost like he was trying to read inside of you. You couldn’t keep that eye contact anymore, because you felt that if you kept looking at him, Jay would really be able to understand everything.

As you closed your locker door, your shirt sleeve went up, revealing a bruise on your wrist. Jay frowned immediately and it didn’t take him long to realize that the bruise was nothing more than a finger mark.

“Y/N what is that?” he asked and you almost had a heart attack when you noticed the direction of his gaze.

“Oh nothing, a too tight bracelet left this mark on me” you stammered but before being able to pull down your sleeve Jay stopped you, taking your hand with his. You tried to pull your away but his grip was definitely stronger than yours.

“Who did this to you?” he asked, looking up from your wrist to your face but it was enough for him that you didn’t look him in the eye to understand the answer. You didn’t even need to talk, he already knew it was that bastard’s fault. “Was it Damon?”

“No, of course not, he would never do that” you lied. It would have been easier if you had talked about it but for some absurd reason you couldn’t do it, maybe because you knew what would happen to you if Damon found out if you talked to someone about what he was doing. “I told you, it was just the bracelet.”

Jay obviously didn’t believe a single word you said, he knew very well who was responsible.

“That son of a bitch, I’ll kill him” he spat with obvious anger and at that point the panic was about to take over you.

“No, no, no Jay… It wasn’t his fault I promise.”

“Y/N,” Jay sighed, his heart aching to see you like this “All you have to do is talk to me, I would protect you, that bastard would never touch you again” he said, in such a sweet tone it almost made you cry. You swallowed the lump that formed in your throat and managed to make a little smile, as if to calm him down.

“Everything’s fine Jay I swear, there’s nothing wrong. You’re my partner, I’d talk to you about it.”

“Just…” Jay again sighed deeply, knowing damn well you were lying “I’m here if you need okay? You can always rely on me, you’re not alone.”

A case had kept you at work longer than expected, and when you picked up the phone and noticed Damon’s nearly 20 missed calls, a huge wave of anxiety hit you right on the spot. God, you knew it wasn’t going to end well at all.

When shortly after returning home, someone started knocking violently on the door, your heart immediately started beating wildly. You opened the door and you were faced with a furious Damon and before you could even try to close it, he pushed you backwards.

“Damon I’m sorry!” you immediately exclaimed, throwing your hands forward trying to protect yourself but it was useless since he punched you in the face so hard that you fell to the ground.

“Where the fuck were you?!” he screamed at you full face as he leant over you. He grabbed your hair in a fist, forcing you to get up “When I call you have to answer, you understand bitch?!”

“I’m… I’m sorry… I was working I swear you have to believe me!” you exclaimed, your eyes full of tears as you tried to escape from his grasp.

“Shut up you useless whore!” he screamed again, punching you again, and again. By now he was beside himself with anger he wasn’t even listening to you, you had never seen him so angry and in that moment you were nothing more than an object on which he was pouring all his frustration.

The subsequent events all happened so fast that you hardly realized it. For a moment you really thought you were about to die and you found yourself praying that God would take you so that you no longer had to go through that pain and suffering.

You kept alternating between a state of consciousness and unconsciousness and you didn’t even realize your neighbors called the police, the arrival of paramedics and cops.

“Y/N! Y/N! You hear me?”

“Y/N talk to me!”

Your head was spinning terribly and the voices kept coming softly to your ears. Lights blinded you making it nearly impossible for you to keep your eyes open. You didn’t know how, but only then you realized you were on a hospital bed.

“Hey Will what’s up?” Jay answered his phone as soon as he saw his brother’s call.

“Jay you have to come here as soon as possible, it’s about Y/N…” he said and Jay felt his heart skip a beat.

He immediately got to his feet and in no time he was heading out of his apartment after taking the car keys. “Is she… Is she okay?”

Will sighed on the other end of the phone. “No Jay, hurry up.”

“I’m on my way.”

Will immediately went to meet Jay as soon as he saw him rushing towards him after entering the hospital. “Where’s she? What happened?” he asked immediately, his face twisted with worry.

“Neighbors heard noises in her apartment and called the police who called paramedics and brought her here” Will explained quickly “She has two broken ribs, broken nose not to mention all the old cuts and bruises... I did an MRI scan to make sure there was no internal bleeding but results haven’t come out yet. Jay these are all signs of domestic violence…”

Jay ran his hands over his face, anger growing inside him. He knew who did this to you. “Can I see her?”

Will nodded, pointing to your room. “She is waiting for you.”

Jay didn’t expect to feel the way he felt when he saw you in that condition.

He literally stopped breathing for a second when he saw the bruises on your face, the split lip, the swollen black eye. You had a bandage around your chest from being kicked and every breath was like a knife stabbed you.

“Y/N oh my god” Jay gasped rushing towards you. You tried to get up but he immediately stopped you “No, no, don’t move…”

You looked away from Jay’s because an immense desire to cry overwhelmed you. You closed your eyes for a second when a tear ran down your cheek, streaking your face.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, it’s okay,” Jay whispered quickly hugging you and being careful not to touch your wounds. His hand gently stroked your hair while the other encircled your shoulders and gently touched your arm.

That hug made you feel so safe, at home, that you couldn’t longer hold you back, letting yourself go to a liberating cry, releasing all the tension, fear, anger, frustration you felt. You returned his hug by wrapping your arms around his chest.

“Cry as long as you want, let it all out, you’re not alone… I’m here with you okay? I’m not leaving you,” he kept whispering as he stroked your hair and hugged you like no one had ever done before.

“It’s okay… We’ll take that son of a bitch and I’ll make him regret every single thing he did to you, I promise,” Jay said and something in his voice suggested that he would really keep his promise “You’re safe now, you’re always safe with let me out all you want.”

“I’m sorry, I’ll look so stupid right now” you tried to say, between sobs. Jay pulled away from you and looked into your eyes, placing both hands gently on your face. You looked down, not even able to look him in the eye. You felt so horrible, so vulnerable and God only knew how much you hated that feeling.

“Hey look at me, don’t take your eyes off me,” he said in a low voice and with such a sweet and comfortable tone. “You’re not stupid and you don’t have to apologize, it’s not your fault what happened, you didn’t deserve it. It’s his fault, do you understand me? Only. His. Fault.”

“I thought I was going to die,” you whispered, your voice broken from crying and you weren’t even sure Jay heard you. But he heard you and, God, how much he hated seeing you like this and not being able to do anything to make you feel better, how he hated knowing that son of a bitch got his hands on you and he wasn’t there to help you.

“You’re here now, you are safe,” he whispered trying not to let anger take over, since you definitely didn’t need this “Nothing is gonna happen to you anymore, I’ll always be with you.”

Jay stayed next to you the whole time, until you finished all the tears in your body, holding you and whispering words of comfort and God only knew how much you needed them that moment.

Jay slightly broke away from the hug and gently wiped away your tears with his thumb. His touch was so gentle and delicate it hurt and if you were still able to, you would certainly cry again.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked you, continuing to caress your beautiful battered face. You nodded slightly, now truly understanding that this situation had to end, that you had to react and aware that to do this you had to ask for help. You knew you couldn’t deal with it alone and you wouldn’t have wanted anyone else with you but Jay.

You told him everything, everything Damon put you through, the insults, the first slaps, the jealousy. Everything.

Needless to say, Jay was on the verge of breaking something by the end of your story. He always had a strong sense of protection towards you and knowing that someone managed to hurt you for all this time and, above al, that he hadn't been able to prevent it, made him furious.

“He won’t hurt you anymore I promise” he said and he had 100% intention to keep that promise, no matter what happened.

At that moment Will walked into your room, your medical records in his hands. “Y/N how do you feel now?”

“I wish I could say I’m better” you replied and winched in pain when you sighed.

“I can give you something for the pain,” he said, feeling sorry to see you like this. He glanced at his brother and noticed how he kept looking at you, a mix of emotions running through his face. You nodded, thanking him.

“Is everything okay?” Jay immediately asked.

“The MRI results have arrived and there is no damage or internal bleeding,” Will explained and Jay sighed with relief. Damn, he seemed even more relieved than you.

“When will I be able to leave?” you asked, not wanting to stay in that hospital one minute longer.

“Since luckily you haven’t taken any major damage, even now. But you have to take at least two weeks off, you absolutely must not go to work or make any effort. You have to rest,” Will recommended and you nodded, happy to leave “I’ll bring you a painkiller and I’ll prepare the discharge documents in the meantime, let me know if you need anything.”

“Thanks Will.” “Thank you man.”

“Penny for your thoughts?” Jay asked you suddenly, after Will had left your room, when he saw you lost in your thoughts.

“I can’t wait to get out of here but… Well... I just don’t want to be home alone.”

“You’re very wrong if you think I’ll leave you alone Y/N,” Jay replied, making you smile slightly as he squeezed your hand with his “You can stay at my place if you want, I have an extra room.”

You looked at him for a moment, not knowing how to answer. “I… I don’t want to bother you Jay.”

“Y/N don’t ever say this again, you absolutely don’t bother me. I haven’t been able to help you until now but I want to be there from now on, for whatever you need,” he said “You don’t have to go through this alone, I’ll always be there for you okay?”

You nodded, feeling the tears forming in the corners of your eyes again. You forgot how it felt having someone around who really cared about you.

“So will you stay at my place?” Jay asked hopefully and smiled when you nodded again. “Great. Do you feel like staying here for a while? I’m going to get your things from your apartment and come back to pick you up. I’ll ask Will to stay here with you of course, you won’t be alone.”

“Jay you really don’t have to do this…”

“Y/N is a pleasure for me, you don’t have to worry. You have to realize I really care for you, I’d do anything if that means making you feel better. Going to get your stuff or letting you stay with me is nothing.”

“Thank you Jay, so much” you said and he smiled before hugging you again.

“Will can you stay with Y/N while I’m not here?” Jay asked his brother as soon as he walked out of your room.

“Yeah sure, where are you going?”

“I’m going to get her stuff, she’ll stay at my place.”

“Jay.”

He was about to walk away when his brother’s voice made him stop.

“Are you sure it’s just that?” Will asked. Jay clenched his hands in two fists, his jaw set and a furious look in his eyes. Will knew his brother, he knew that look and he knew what he was thinking at that moment.

“Will he has to pay her for what he did to her.”

Any rational thought disappeared from Jay’s mind as he parked outside of what must have been Damon Stevens’ house. He wasn’t there as a cop, he was there because the only thing he wanted was to make that bastard pay for the harm he had done to you.

When Damon opened the door, Jay felt an insurmountable anger seeing his face and before he even realized it, his fist already collided with his face.

Damon, taken by surprise, fell backwards.

“What the fuck!” he exclaimed, putting his hand to his nose and noticing the dripping blood. He looked up and his eyes widened when he recognized Jay, knowing he was your partner at work. “What do you want?!”

“So you hit women now huh?” Jay asked rhetorically, in a low, cold tone. Without even giving him a chance to get up, Jay kicked Damon in the stomach. He started coughing, gasping as he tried to catch his breath. With another kick Jay closed the door behind him, never taking his eyes off the worm holding its stomach with his hands, a look of pain on his face.

Jay leaned over him and grabbed him violently by the collar of his shirt and only then did he realize the stench of alcohol he gave off. In that instant he wondered what the hell you had found in that subspecies of man.

You filthy bastard.

He punched him again in the face, completely ignoring his pain groans. He didn’t care, he just wanted him to suffer.

“You messed with the wrong person,” Jay said through gritted teeth “You’re gonna wish you never met her once I’m done with you.”

Damon turned pale and tried to escape Jay’s grasp but he hit him again and again.

“Son of a bitch you don’t react now? You don’t feel tough knowing you’re not hitting a woman?!” Jay screamed at his face and every word he said he returned a punch.

“Stop!” Damon literally prayed.

“That’s what she used to say when she begged you to stop kick her,” Jay angrily said, standing up and throwing another hard kick in his stomach, in the same place where Damon hit you. “How does it feel? How does it feel to be helpless?”

Damon couldn’t answer, too drunk and in pain to do so. He laid on the ground mumbling something Jay couldn’t even understand at first.

“This…” he tried to speak but stopped when he started coughing and spitting blood “Is police brutality.”

“You see a fucking badge on me?!” Jay spat before grabbing him again by the collar forcing him to raise himself slightly “If I see you even half a time next to her or any other woman or if you try to even say her name you are fucking dead, you understand me?!”

He didn’t answer right away but actually started laughing, making Jay’s blood boil even more.

“She… She’s just a useless whore…”

Those words made Jay lose the last ounce of control he had left. God, he was so out of his mind with rage that he hardly realized the countless times he kept punching him Damon. He already didn’t want to be held accountable for his actions and what he could do but Damon’s words only made his situation worse. Damn, that man seemed to have a death wish. It was as if his mind was totally clouded, as if at that moment he was seeing those events from outside.

Jay only seemed to come to his senses when he didn’t hear any other noise only realizing that Damon was now unconscious.

-

“Will he went to Damon didn’t he?”.

You were worried when Jay took longer than you thought to come back, your mind already thinking the worse even if deep down you knew what was happening.

Will, who stayed with you all time Jay was gone, sighed, knowing that there was no need to respond that question, that you knew the answer.

“I don’t know honestly.”

You leaned your head against the wall, your gaze fixed on the ceiling as a feeling of anxiety devoured your stomach. You didn’t want Jay to suffer the consequences of a problem that you should have solved long time ago, you didn’t want something to happen to him because of you.

“Y/N can I be honest with you?” Will suddenly asked and you looked down at him before nodding.

“He deserves whatever happens to him.”

You sighed trying to ignore the stabbing pain that rushed through your chest and. But that physical pain was nothing compared to how you really felt inside. A mix of emotions overwhelmed you and you really tried to give them a name but the truth was you had no idea how to deal with all of this, you had such confusion in your head and inside of you but one thing you were certain of, you were determined to get over and forget Damon Stevens, that you needed your life back, that you deserved more.

“I know.”

You felt your heart sink when Jay got back to the hospital, your gaze instantly landing on his injured and lacerated knuckles.

“Jay what the hell did you do” Will gasped as soon as he saw his brother even though he already knew it.

“I’m fine” he said, his eyes on you as he analyzed your expression, totally shocked.

“You’re not fine,” Will stated “Come with me, I’ll medicate your wounds and don’t you even dare say no.”

Jay hesitated before leaving but sighed and followed Will when you broke eye contact by looking down. When he came back to your room he was alone, Will figuring it was better for you two to talk alone.

“Jay what…” you muttered but he stopped you, preventing you from asking any kind of questions. He sat on the edge of the bed in front of you, a cryptic expression on his face.

“Y/N I just went to your apartment,” Jay spoke up.

He didn’t want to keep you in the dark but, whatever the consequence would be, he didn’t want to involve you in any way, you were already going through a lot.

“Just tell me if you’re okay…” you said, almost in a whisper.

“I’m fine I promise” he smiled slightly but that smile faded when he noticed your gaze on his bandaged knuckles “Please don’t ask any question, everything’s fine.”

“Jay please tell me what did you do” you feebly said trying to fight back the tears.

He sighed deeply, wanting to change the subject as soon as possible. The more he talked and the more you’d get involved and he just didn’t want that. So he got up a completely changed expression on his face as he looked at you.

“Are you ready to go home?”

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[cinnamonest]

Xiao - Yandere Profile

Y’all big horny for yaksha boi too??? Excellent.

Remember how I said Kaeya and Diluc were like a game on hard mode? Xiao is Dark Souls on the 6th stacked difficulty of New Game Plus.

I really like Xiao on an analytical level because he's an excellent candidate for the debate some have as to the nature of selfless vs selfish love... He's a good one to analyze for that debate bc holy fuck does this man have some of the most selfish, inconsiderate love out there. He's brutal as fuck. I feel like his would be such an interesting balance of wanting returned affection and being really obsessive, yet being so uncompromising and not really at all hesitant to wreck your shit. This is the longest one I've made, too, I had a lot of thoughts lmao.

Fun fact, when I first heard his name was Xiao I assumed it would be the hanzi for "dawn" since I've seen that used in Chinese given names sometimes... Nope, I'd never seen the hanzi for his name before so I looked it up and it's like an impish demon creature lol

I had a dilemma between to go for tsunyandere or kuuyandere, but I was in a dark content mood so I kinda went kuuyandere route.

-------

tws: mentions of mutilation (on reader), mentions of violence and torture (on rivals), kidnapping, Xiao is very lacking in empathy and borders on sociopathic behavior (which can be triggering to some people), mentions of misogyny bc I'm just gross like that, generally dark and awful

tws (below cut): noncon, more mentions of mutilation goddammit Xiao, forced submission, also generally dark and awful

This is probably the darkest one I've written, so, that's a fair warning.

------

What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

Aware, over time, and very irritated by it, really. He's above... Feeling things. He changes with time. He starts off a bit irritated, flustered even, which is something he's never really experienced before. Honestly exemplifies the "boys are mean to you because they like you" trope, he will go out of his way to be harsher and colder towards you because how dare you make him... Feel things. He'll be exceptionally harsh in how he speaks to you, even more than others. But... once he realizes it drives you away, he'll realize that he actually wants you around him.

But that's the thing - Xiao doesn't normally go out of his way to do anything to anyone, really. He's cold and a bit aggressive because he's bothered by or just doesn't really enjoy people, but if they leave him alone, he leaves them alone. You're different - he feels a weird, uncomfortable feeling in your presence, but he still wants your presence anyway. It's a lot of new sensations for him, and it's overwhelming. So many new feelings.

One, he doesn't understand why his stomach flutters when you smile at him, why chills run down his spine when you accidentally brush your hand across his. Well, he understands what it usually means for humans - but he's not human, surely, there's no way he could possibly experience that same "love" humans do, right?

Love is horrible after all - he's seen how humans obsess over it, how much tragedy it can bring to their lives, and, in particular, how much of a fool of themselves humans often make when "in love", especially the men.

He thinks he's above the human feelings, so he'll deny it to himself at first. It will likely be some kind of breaking point for him, particularly one in which you're in danger. Normally, he couldn't care less about people in danger - if someone isn't strong enough to protect themselves, they die, that's just how the world works. But he sees you shoved down, another human looming over you with murderous intent in their eyes, he sees the fear on your face and the tears streaming down and something in him snaps and bursts and gives way to the intense emotions he's tried to shove down. He'll go wild, and make quick work of the offender. And you'll thank him for saving you of course, even if the display was a bit horrifying to see.

It's not only that intense nervousness in the others presence, but an enjoyment of their presence. It's so contradictory and he hates it - he feels so nervous, so jittery around you, yet at the same time, something about your presence, your smiles, your voice is addictive to him and he needs more of it. He enjoys spending time with you - a new sensation.

Over time, as he becomes aware of how he feels, he becomes less flustered, more stone-faced and matter of fact about it. He accepts that he feels a sense of affection, now his concern is how to handle it. He just has no idea how to begin going about it. Does he just try to suppress it? Act on it? He acknowledges the possibility of rejection, what then? Of course, rejection wouldn't make him stop wanting you with him, it wouldn't even really deter him, but it would make things more difficult than if you accepted it. He spends a while contemplating, just trying to make sense of it all.

He ends up laying awake at night with you in his mind - it's pathetic, it irritates him. No human is important enough to occupy his mind. And yet, even if he tries, he can't stop. And, as much as it disgusts him, he finds himself feeling very physical sensations when thinking about you. That's the most irritating part, to him. He's always viewed humans' drive to copulate as disgusting, and really a pathetic weakness - again, he's seen the absolutely foolish things human men do and the extensive lengths they go to for just a spare crumb of sex. So the first few times he ends up getting a physical reaction to those late night thoughts, he'll try to ignore the throbbing and just go about his night, but eventually it starts to get painful. That's the point at which he decides he can't just sit around and do nothing.

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

Unavoidable. But not the absolute fastest. He's far too confused by his feelings at first, and doesn't understand why he has the urge to do so. He'll experiment, spending time around you, trying to figure himself out. His prideful tsundere nature comes out then -- it's not like he enjoys your presence, no. He feels something very strange about you, and one of the possibilities in his mind is that perhaps he's being drawn to you because his subconscious perceives you as an enemy, perhaps. Something in him knows that you're up to no good, so he has to follow you, maybe. Those reasons are far more likely than actually enjoying being around you, he thinks.

As he comes to understand it better and is forced to acknowledge that he feels an affection for you, he begins to feel a darker urge. One of the things that forces him to recognize said affection is how much it irritates him to see you talk to others. He rationalizes this, as it is perfectly normal for humans to feel jealousy, isn't it? ... But are humans this upset when they see their beloved talk to their own family? Is it normal? Is it a thing with just the males, and that's why he feels that way? Surely the humans don't get this upset, or else they wouldn't let their beloveds have friends and speak to others, right? He doesn't really feel guilt for the urges, but he does feel bothered by the notion of having some abnormal desire, wonder if there's something wrong with him.

Well, he starts thinking back to history, and all the things he's witnessed, and that gives him... an idea. Teyvat has been around a long time. There have been several cultures and societies that did keep lovers... restrained. Confined to a house... forbidden from speaking to others... and that idea sounds nice, he thinks. Back in those days, no one would bat an eye at his desire to keep you away from the world, right? So really, it's not abnormal or weird at all. Things just change with time, but there's nothing abnormal about him, it's perfectly normal to want to prevent you from ever speaking to anyone else ever again. Sure, those cultures never went that far, but... it's the same idea, right?

So, he decides, there's nothing wrong with him, and in that case, he doesn't have any guilt or concern for your desires to hold him back. He's another one to take a fairly barbaric route -- he'll be one to show up while you sleep, clamp a hand over your mouth, gag you and tie you up, before leaving right out your window. He'll find an isolated, quiet, well-hidden place to reside, one with an enclosed, windowless room to keep you confined.

He doesn't like it, but he's not completely lacking in understanding human psychology. He wouldn't like to be in your shoes, wouldn't like if someone did to him what he's going to do to you, so he understands why you'll be upset, he prepares for it, even. He's not a delusional. So, from the beginning, he's already planning out how to make you compliant and love him. He settles on a simple tactic: utilize what he knows to force your human nature to love him.

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape? 

Once you do get kidnapped, it's pretty tight security. Kind of like Albedo, he'll take you far away from society. Again, he's not super concerned with your desire on the matter, since this is about keeping you with him, it's about his imperatives. He doesn't really want to harm you, though, so there is a slight consideration. He's stuck on a balance of wanting to keep you agreeable and obedient, but keeping you confined is most important, so he'll try to keep it a bit comfortable. He'll get you a nice bed, very soft things. He's so nice, he'll even get you leather cuffs instead of metal ones. But you will be getting restrained, and no amount of begging will get him to take them off. He'll also give you nothing to do, and probably nothing to wear. Clothes are a waste and totally unnecessary when no one but him sees you. And the boredom will make you compliant. You'll be so unbearably bored that talking to him will be like a privilege. You'll start to look forward to it. You'll bond with him. He'll be your only source of mental stimulation. He's smart enough to figure that out when he's in the planning stages of your confinement, and already has this planned out.

Because he... struggles to feel high amounts of empathy when it's about what he wants, it's doubtful he'll ever really lighten up without incentive. Sure, he could lighten up on your restraints, but why should he? Sure, it would alleviate your suffering, but it would present the slightest chance of an escape. Your comfort isn't worth the insecurity and worry he'd have throughout the day. Why would he be so foolish as to feel that it was?

Escape attempts are an ultimate transgression to Xiao. He understands your stubbornness and anger to the extent that they don't hurt him too much, but an escape attempt is one of the few things you can do that make him feel genuine hurt. You won't get away for long, he will hunt you down in no time and he will ensure you're discouraged from ever attempting that again. He's not very hesitant to be brutal. Really, he doesn't want to hurt you just for the sake of it, but he knows how powerful fear and pain are. He'll make sure you are strongly dissuaded from another attempt. If you're, miraculously, brave enough to try again, he'll have to take a step further and make sure you can't.

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

Don't. He's not stupid, he tells you, the moment you try anything. And you really, really, really should be trying to avoid making him mad. Honestly, if you're at this point, you'd have to be either incredibly unafraid of pain, or just crazy to try and do anything that could result in his anger. He'll shut it down almost immediately, and tell you exactly that.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

He knows you need food and all that, so he'll generally get you whatever you want to make for yourself. He's got a limited list of things he's willing to eat so you'll quickly find yourself asking for the privilege of getting different foods please I'm begging you for something other than almond tofu, and he'll get you whatever you ask for, at least in that regard. He's not going to starve you or anything. But you'll find it's probably one of the only things you get much of a choice on.

If you want any relief from the harsh restraint and boredom, you have one option: succumb.

No amount of disobedience or disagreeableness will have him letting up on you. You might think you can hold out and be stubborn long enough to get him to cave, but you'd be wrong. You will crack before he does, and he knows it. He'll simply punish your disobedience, and wait out a bit more. And wait, and wait, and wait, because you won't last long. It's inevitable that you will succumb to him, start to crave him, start to be sweet and affectionate, and bond with him. At that point, maybe he'll let you walk around - hey, getting your muscles back to normal from the atrophy can be a bonding activity. And he might give you some approved tasks or books or the like. But at the first sign of a regression, the first sign of disobedience, the first sign of rejection from you, that will be gone, and you'll have to earn it back, starting back at square one.

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

Don't run away. Obey everything he says.

He doesn't make a rule against fighting him, really, and he doesn't need to. You'll be far too terrified of him to try, and even if you did, it would be like swatting a fly, he could disarm and incapacitate you in seconds.

And now, we get into one of the darker yanderes. Once again, Xiao doesn't really get emotions too well, and doesn’t understand his own all that much. His brain thinks in actions and results. If you're trying to run away, he'll simply have to make it so that you can't... ever again. He is one of the most likely yanderes to be open to truly, permanently incapacitating you to a severe degree to keep you with him. He understands why you're upset, but surely you knew the consequences, right? You tried to run away, it only makes sense that he would do something like this, you should understand that, even if you don't like it. You're foolish to try and talk him out of it, what, do you think he's going to be persuaded by you crying? If you were that opposed to it, you shouldn't have tried to run. Really, he doesn't understand why you humans do things as if there's no consequences.

Xiao... doesn't feel guilt. When it's something unintentional, something he didn't mean to do, he can, but when it's about what he wants? There's none, really. He usually goes on what works best for him, and for the most part, that's keeping you happy. But when your happiness goes against keeping you with him, his imperative takes priority. You'll get over it eventually, and he'll help you. He can carry you wherever you need to go, you don't need to walk.

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

Eek.

Yeah it won't be pretty. He gets mad about rivals, and he perceives everyone as one. He's another one that doesn't really distinguish between romantic rivals and rivals for attention - your family and friends are just as much of a problem as any love interests, because you smile at them, you pay attention to them, you like them, and just that knowledge makes an unbearable rage boil inside him.

He's desensitized to violence, and doesn't really understand how it affects normal people - he won't think of how it might affect you to see it, so slaughtering people in front of you comes naturally to him. He's actually one of the ones who might get angry enough to make it slow, making sure they know what they did wrong, even if that consisted of simply being a stranger who smiled at you. If you react negatively, he won't really understand. He has some, but doesn't possess a lot of empathy. He'll chalk it up to you being a hysterical, emotional human with your incapacitating aversion to violence. He's glad he doesn't have such a strong aversion. Would make his job rather difficult.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

He's pretty easily set off. He gets frustrated because he thinks you're being unnecessarily difficult, and frankly he's very used to getting his way with things immediately. In his life, most of the things he wants are either given to him very easily, or are easily obtainable with a simple exertion of violence. Usually he can just, well, kill and slaughter and maim his way to any result he desires. This is one of the first issues he's dealt with that violence won't solve. Well... maybe not the extent he's used to. But nonetheless, perhaps a bit of controlled violence can solve his problems, at least to an extent.

His anger is, as you can imagine, terrifying. Sure, he'll reassure you that he won't kill you, but you can't get out of your head the images of the things you've seen him do by that point, the people you've undoubtedly seen die and suffer at his hands. He snarls and speaks in a deep, booming voice when he's at his angriest, and it's enough to make you panic. If he's angry enough, he knows he can't be around you, because he fears hurting you further than he means to, so he'll likely leave. If it's enough that he feels he can control it, though, it's not pretty. He's one to hold something in his hands and squeeze it to alleviate anger so hard it breaks. Just hope that doesn't happen to be your hand, arm, shoulder, or any other part of your person.

So they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

He doesn't... really care? I'm tempted to say far below, but really, the whole concept of relative value of humans and status and the like holds no meaning to him. He thinks it's foolish and pointless to even ponder such things.

As for his superiority in certain things, it's different. He's smarter than you. He's stronger than you. He's faster, he's more perceptive, he's more capable, he's wiser, he's more skilled. These things are just facts, they are the undeniable reality, he thinks. However, he doesn't really assign these things as having any ties to the relative value of an individual, and in his mind, humans don't really, either. Didn't they prioritize the lives of children? Children are far lesser in every way, but humans treat them as most important, even if they rightfully see them as inferior in every way. So it's the same with him, he thinks. In every field, you're inferior, but that doesn't really matter, worth and relative position are worthless human ideas.

As for treatment, however, he treats you as lower, which is all that really matters. He wants obedience and submission, and he'll get it, no matter what extent he has to go to.

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

He's in the middle - one of the ones that would LIKE for you to love them, but in the end, even if they feel like you never will, they still want you anyway. He'll never stop trying, though.

He's got a lot of pride and wouldn't resort to groveling and desperately trying the way some would. Like a few others, he kinda automatically feels like he deserves the things he wants, including your love. But his unfamiliarity with human emotions leads him to be a little confused and unable to read you. He knows humans play "hard to get," and may assume that's what you're doing. And he recognizes that by kidnapping you, he is removing you from your friends and family, so he concludes that you're only mean to him because you're mad. And anger settles down with time, right? He also knows that, even if humans don't like someone, if they're forced to spend time around them, they'll form a bond. So what he concludes is that simply time is needed. Time to let anger simmer down, time to forget about those others, time to inevitably come to depend on him.

With his experimentation, what he discovers is that even if you aren't affectionate, he is still happier with your presence than without. So he'll keep you no matter what, he decides. You'll come around eventually. And gradually, even if it's ever so slow, you will. You will, no matter how hard you may fight it, the effects of such isolation are ultimately inevitable.

Some yanderes might be upset by the notion that they have to mentally deteriorate their darling to obtain love - they want you to love them "organically" and feel like love born from mindbreak and isolation isn't "real." You might think he'd be like that, due to his tendency to be prideful, but he's actually not. Xiao doesn't understand emotions well enough to distinguish little differences like that. Sure he had to use a strategy, but it's still love, isn't it? It's the same thing, so why should how it came about matter? It took a little bit of extra work, is all. And although he won't say so, he thinks you're worth it.

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

Is somewhat reluctant to confess to you and may try to come up with some other reason as to why he did it, but it's kinda obvious when he's so concerned about you, so blushy and flustered in the beginning and the way he runs his hands through your hair when he thinks you're asleep. But yeah, initially he might try to think up some way to explain why your kidnapping is for some other weird complex reason he made up, and not just because he really REALLY wants you all to himself.

He's also very matter-of-fact about things. He says things with a straight face, no matter how horrifying, sweet, or inappropriate they may be. Doesn't matter if he's finally confessing his love, talking about how he wants to keep you locked away forever, or threatening to break your legs, it'll all generally be carried with the same facial expression and tone of voice. The only difference is the eye contact and slight blush if it's one of the former.

You may be able to catch moments of vulnerability, especially late-stage, months into your new life. If you've been highly affectionate, and he trusts you, he might seek some reassurance every now and then, in a soft, quiet voice, for a few precious moments of gentleness that don't come very often.

As aforementioned, Xiao has little to no sense of empathy nor guilt when it comes to obtaining the things he desires. What he does feel is wanting you to be happy... because it makes him feel good inside. In a way, you could say his love is incredibly selfish, because it's entirely about his happiness when it comes down to it. Normally, seeing you happy makes him happy, so your imperatives line up. And he's willing to maybe change some things to make you happier -- ok, fine, sure, he won't torture them to death, he'll just kill them. But he has limits to how much he'll compromise for you. Ultimately, when your imperatives don't align with his, he won't even consider yours for a mere moment. His brain just can't really consider anything but acting for his own desires. When he gets mad at people for hurting you, it's because it's an insult to him. It's part of why he's one that will settle for having you - ultimately, what he wants matters more than your happiness... but that's because he wants you, and loves you so, so much, you know? Don't think it's not love, though. It's incredibly selfish, self-serving, and inconsiderate, but it's hard to say it's not love.

Somewhat relating to the above, he realizes pretty quickly you're likely afraid of him, especially after what you've undoubtedly witnessed by that point. He doesn't want that, really. He wants a healthy level of fear, just enough to avoid running away, but he doesn't like seeing you cry and tremble because you're so afraid of his brutality. He doesn't help, though, because he thinks you fear death, and death alone, and in his lack of understanding, he will go through a very specific list of exactly what he will do, which frankly would only serve to make things worse.

"It's alright... I won't kill you, you know. You're foolish if you don't understand the difference... They only died because they wanted to take you away from me. You're the reason they died, so, I wouldn't kill you... I've already decided what to do at certain points. If you try to run away once or twice, I'll just break your legs, and if you try a third time, I can just take your legs off. That should prevent any further attempts, so I have no reason to kill you. So you shouldn't be so upset... don't look so afraid all the time. What? No, I don't mean your whole legs... just at the feet. Why are you still crying? I can just take off one if it's that upsetting... It's only if you run away."

You should probably know that he doesn't make empty promises, either.

General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

Boy has no idea what to do. He's only ever jerked off and always feels disgusted when he does, he only has anatomical knowledge of female bodies from medical diagrams he's seen once or twice.  Not that he'll tell you that. But you'll know, I mean, once he forces your legs open he's just staring in both awe and confusion, probably just sits there for a moment slightly flustered because?? Where's he supposed to put it in?? How does he do this? He'll figure it out, but it might take a few rough thrusts of him just rutting against you.

Drive goes from non existent to highish, he's got what you call a reactive sexuality. Really, he used to just jerk off only to relieve the buildup, because he found it gross whenever it would happen in his sleep. Reactive sexualities are when a person doesn't have a super high drive on their own, but will react to stimuli from persons or sights around them, and will get significantly higher when around someone they love. Before, he never had anything to react to, so he rarely got horny, but now? He has you. And you... Trigger some reactions.

And that being said, he's so unfamiliar with horniness and sex that it's constantly an exploration process for him too. He'll spend some time just... learning. Touching here and there, figuring out what makes your breath hitch and toes curl. It's a fascinating thing to him, really.

He doesn't talk about it much, nor during, he just kind of... acts. You don't get much of a verbal warning, he'll just kind of pick you up and move you around to however he wants.

Pretty decently sized, but isn't aware of it. He hasn't had the opportunity to be around too many other people to know. If you try to tell him it's too big for you, he'll just be incredibly confused, isn't your body literally made to be able to do this? He's actually not going to get particularly smug or anything, he just sees it as an irritation that you're so reluctant and try to fight because of it, but he does like watching you convulse and squirm once he's already in you.

He's actually not that much of a sadist, so much as he likes power. Pain is par for the course, it's a part of every aspect of life and he's essentially desensitized to it. But power and control, now that does something for him.

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

Not particularly concerned with it. Once again, he's decided to utilize what he knows to maximize your acceptance and love. He knows that orgasms release a bunch of feel-good chemicals, that they cause bonding, that they make you more complacent, and, for the sake of submission, that it'll humiliate you and make you unable to really defy him, as he can hold it over your head, and with time you'll accept him. Over time, he knows, you'll come to crave any physical touch you can get. And while he's more than willing to hold you and sleep curled up with you, he'd be lying if he said this wasn't his favorite and preferred form of physical affection.

Besides, he's been fighting off the urges for forever at this point, he's not going to wait around. Pretty much will be ready to do it as soon as you wake up, and you'll probably already be bound up and lacking any clothes by the time you do. He's not very hesitant. It's yet another case of wanting what he wants and getting what he wants. He's one that will bound you up pretty heavily, hands tied above your head, legs pulled back and tied to the headboard, so it's not like you can do much against it anyway. He understands your hesitancy, be it out of anger or fear, but he's also hard and fast enough that you can't really form a lot of words, so it's not too discouraging.

What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

He's not really familiar with any at first, and he has to experiment around. You would think normally an inexperienced boy would want the female to take the lead, but noooo, he's way too proud for that.

Oral fixation

The most shameful one to him. It's disgusting, he thinks, it's unnatural, it goes against the very purpose of sex to procreate, but he knows it exists, he's heard of how it goes and God when you talk and smile he desperately wants to see your mouth wrapped around his dick. When you're laying under him he just has an uncontrollable urge to just buy his face between your legs and lick at everything he can, and eventually he'll cave to both of those urges. The latter will be very unprompted and unanticipated, probably you're not even getting it on at the moment - something like you're sleeping, you're just laying there, your legs open a bit and he just rips off whatever you have on and stuffs his head between your legs - he's not skilled by any means, but works with such an intensity and speed that you'll cum on his face anyway.

If he's mad, he can get rough with the former. Hearing you gag and choke, watching the tears run down your face helps satisfy his anger quite a bit. Unfortunately for you, he can last quite a while, and will grab your hair and force your face down, or really, he's one to lay you on the edge of a bed on your back and really fuck your throat out. And he won't let you spit it out either -- he'll hold your mouth shut with his hands and force you to swallow every little bit.

Finger-fucking

He was once told the trick of putting your fingers inside and curling them, and that's an easy instruction to follow. He'll try it out, and once he watches how it makes you gasp and whimper, he'll get addicted to it, moving his fingers harsh and fast. He likes it because he's not too distracted by his own physical sensations, other than the throbbing hard-on, and can really take in your faces, noises, and really watch you come undone. As an added bonus, he's definitely not going to just leave it at that, no, and he discovers very quickly you're particularly sensitive immediately after one orgasm, reacting with extra loud squeals and harsh clenching when he presses against your extremely sensitive insides. And he likes that quite a bit.

D/S dynamic / bondage

It helps him restore his damaged pride from his embarrassment over the fact that he even has sexual urges in the first place. He deserves to be worshipped, he deserves to have you on your knees in front of him. In particular, he loves to give you commands, see you follow through with them. It's empowering. It's reassuring. Probably the type to want to be called master. He feels its appropriate. And he'd definitely be one to make it an all-the-time, 24/7 sort of dynamic too. He can be gentle about it, too, and will reward you for being well-behaved. The dynamic, the rewards, the praise, all makes you all the more slowly, but surely, succumbing to him, giving in, and finally accepting him.

Tying you up prevents you from moving around too much, and that's the initial reason for it, but he realizes very very quickly that something about seeing you that way is very, very pleasing to him. It gives him a sense of power and control in addition to what he already has established. It also helps alleviate a bit of his nervousness surrounding the whole thing. When you're all tied up, probably blindfolded too, he can just run his hands up and down, stare at your body, figure out what's where and see everything without you squirming around.

Masturbation instruction/voyeurism

Something about just watching you touch yourself drives him up the wall with horniness. It also helps give him an idea of what the fuck he’s supposed to do (again, not that he’ll tell you that). But more importantly, it’s yet another control thing. He won’t just let you go at it, no, he’ll be very specific with his instructions, and expects you to follow them perfectly. He’ll make you edge yourself and even overstimulate yourself, demanding you keep going even after you cum, and even if you can’t, he’ll just swat your hand aside and do it himself.

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

He's... Not sure if it's even possible? If so, the whole idea makes him feel a bit odd. Small little beings, ones that look like him, ones that share his blood? The whole concept is so strange. He'd probably want to find out if such a thing is even possible, considering your differences, but he would likely be somewhat opposed to it, as it feels weird to him. He would become more accustomed to the idea with time, though. And one thing he neglects to remember, even if he knows, is that you have to pull out to avoid that, and he definitely doesn't.

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

Overstimulation is a go-to, as is forced orgasms. Tying back to his finger-fucking tendencies, he learns how sensitive orgasms make you, and how torturous it can be. Even if he can't keep going, after he fucks you a few times, he can still go with his mouth, fingers, over and over and over again, until you're sobbing and begging from the overstimulation. He thinks there's something weirdly beautiful about how something can bring you so much pleasure and pain, be so good yet so unbearable. Seeing you cry while you convulse, hiss from the pain when you're so sensitive that even the lightest touches are painful. Just watching it gives him an electrifying feeling. As a bonus, it will just make you more bonded, the overload of the positive chemicals in your body will bind you to the very person inflicting such a torture on your body. How ironic.

He'd be one for impact pain too, potentially with his hands, but he's one that's more likely to invest in something like a riding crop, or just a belt. He likes the fear of it, too, seeing how you wince and whimper just by hearing it crack before he even does anything to you.

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

Hips and thighs. He likes grabbing, pulling you back onto him. Running his hands over them. He likes that when he's rough enough, his hands leave bruises on them. It's really pretty to him, and just an ever so blatant reminder of your place... to him, and, he knows, to you.

#yandere x reader #yandere genshin impact #yandere xiao #tw: non/con #tw: dark content #tw: misogyny

[lipstickstainz]

true lies - s. r. (12/?)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Series Summary: Spencer is furious, when you rejoin the team after a year and after you left him, when he got arrested. Little does he know, that you leaving him was the only option to ever get him out of prison.

Chapter Summary: A collection of letters Spencer and you share while you're gone - and then you're gone forever. At least, that what he thinks.

Warnings: some fluff, angst, angst, angst, smoking, slight ptsd, grief and loss

Word Count: 2.2k

A/N: I'm sososososo sorry. please don't hate me. I love you. gif not mine.

Series Masterlist

previous part

Dearest little bear,

two months have passed since you had to leave, and not a day goes by that I don't think of you and wish you were here with me.

We are trying to do everything in our power to be able to bring you back home. But unfortunately, it seems to be taking longer than I would like.

I was told you were working on it as well. You are strong and smart and even though you can't be with me, I'm sure we can do it together.

Take care of yourself.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dearest Neruda,

I was very happy to receive your message. I always carry it with me, although I would rather be in your arms, but I can't.

I can't tell you where I am right now, but still I wish you were with me. It is warm and beautiful and I am sure you would like it here very much.

Except for these letters, I'm not allowed to talk to any of you, but I like talking to you best anyway. We've come this far. And we'll make it.

Thinking of you.

With love,

little bear

-

Dearest little bear,

It's been four months and with each passing second it becomes more unbearable. But a light is appearing at the end of the dark tunnel. We think we know who she is.

It won't be long before we can see each other again. And I can't wait to be able to hug you again. To be able to touch you. Or kiss you.

Not much longer. And then nothing can separate us.

Take care of yourself.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dearest Neruda,

It would have been too good to be with you again at last. But it still takes time.

I have found something that can help us, but for now, just know that I will do everything I can so that I can return home. Back to you. No matter what it costs.

Keep your eyes open. We're closer than you think.

I'm thinking of you.

With love,

little bear

-

Dearest little bear,

I was given time off to take a break. I was with my mother and she told me that a kind young lady had been here. She doesn't remember you, but she knows you are familiar and that she can trust you. As I do.

I am infinitely grateful. And I'm tired of waiting, but for you I do. For you, I do it all.

Take care of yourself.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dearest Neruda,

I can no longer grasp a clear thought, because whenever I close my eyes I see everything I have done in review. I can hardly sleep and the nightmares plague me.

I just hope that everything will end soon. It has already been a year since we saw each other. I can't promise you anything, but I hope you know that everything I had to do was for you. For us.

Thinking of you.

With love,

little bear

-

Dearest little bear,

it's been a few weeks since I've heard from you. I hope you are doing well.

We have found a trail that will take us further.And brings me a little closer to you. And that will bring you back home. I can't wait.

Take care of yourself.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dearest little bear,

It's been two months since you wrote to me.

Get back to me as soon as you can.

Take care of yourself.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dearest little bear,

Words cannot describe how much I miss you. Or how great the pain in my chest is.

I can't eat, I can't sleep. I can hardly breathe without you.

Thinking of you.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dearest little bear,

they hung your picture today. In the portrait you are smiling, proud to finally be part of the team. I can't look at it.

I was sent home, but everything there reminds me of you.

Thinking of you.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dearest little bear,

I keep your letters in a small box next to my bed. They are a part of you that I don't want to lose, even though I have already lost you. They are a part of you, just as you are a part of me.

Thinking of you.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dearest little bear,

I went to our bookstore and found a book of poems that you would like. I'll put it with your letters.

No book in the world could have prepared me for the grief I feel. The pain is too engaging for me to talk about it with anyone but you.

Thinking of you.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dear little bear,

it's been almost two years since we last saw each other. I don't remember what you sound like, or what you smell like. Why can't I remember that? Is it wrong of me not to think it's bad? It takes away my pain a little.

Thinking of you.

With love,

Neruda

-

Dear little bear,

A lot has happened in the two years we've been apart. Too much to ever be able to write down all the things. I just want you to know that this time was not easy for me. Not for any of us.

I put your letters away safely because you will always be important to me. But I have to let you go. And with this, I release you.

I love you. Forever.

With love,

Neruda

-

You pinch your leg to wake up. Your neck is wet with cold sweat and you have to blink several times to realize that you are in a cab. You run your hand through your hair as the driver looks at you curiously through the rearview mirror. He says nothing, which is why you glance out the window.

The drive from the airport to Quantico only takes an hour, but you still take the opportunity to close your eyes for a moment and doze a little. You haven't had a decent night's sleep in ages, you don't even know what a healthy portion of sleep feels like anymore, because you haven't had that luxury in the last two years.

As the car comes to a stop in front of the FBI building, you pay the driver and get out with your small bag. The building seems much bigger than you remember. You used to spend every day here, it had once been your home. But now you're not even sure you have a home anymore.

You take a deep breath and enter through the large doors, but are directly approached by a security guard.

"Miss? Are you visiting?", he asks suspiciously, extending his arm to keep you at a distance - something that wouldn't do him much good if you were actually trying to get past him.He eyes you up and down, which you can't blame him for. In your ripped jeans, dirty sneakers, and loose sweater, you don't look like someone who belongs here. By now, you don't either.

You look at him. "I'm here to see Unit Chief Prentiss", you reply coolly. You know he's just doing his job, but you're too impatient to let all this wash over you. You know Emily is already in the office. You know her too well not to. Why doesn't he just go get her? You just want to see your friend.

"Chief Prentiss?" He raises an eyebrow. "And what is your request?"

Your gaze is rock hard and your tone cold as ice. "Tell her Y/N Y/L/N is here to see her."

You wait outside the building, letting the morning sun warm your skin and the cigarette burn between your fingers before you put it to your lips and take a drag. Afterwards, you stub it out on a trash can. As you exhale the last bit of smoke, you turn around. And there she is.

Emily is standing at the door, and when you see her, you drop your bag and wrap her in your arms so tightly that you can't breathe. You cling to her, afraid that maybe this whole thing isn't as real as it feels, but you imperceptibly pinch your arm. And she is still with you.

"I thought - they said", she stammers, and it's the first time in your friendship that she's speechless. You hug her even tighter.

"I know", you answer softly, blinking away the tears that have formed in your eyes. The moment is too beautiful to cry. As you break away from each other, Emily wipes her own tears from her cheeks, but some have already landed on her blouse. There are dark stains now.

"I don't even know what to say", she says, smiling at you as you enter the building together. The guard gives you a look, but doesn't ask any questions as you walk past him toward the elevator. Inside, she pushes a button that takes you to the BAU floor. "I can hardly believe you're really here."

Neither can you.

The office is completely silent because no one is here yet except for you. Although nothing has changed, everything has changed because you are now someone else. It's been a long time since you've been here. Two years, but everything in this room is all too familiar to you. The coffee machine, the law books, the files. It feels like you've never been away. It's déjà vu all over again.

While Emily gets you both coffee, you sit down at the round table and wait for her. Your friend sets the cups down on the table before sitting down next to you. She smiles faintly. "How are you?"

You pucker your mouth. How are you? You haven't been asked that question in ages, and to be honest, you don't know how to answer it either. How could you possibly be?

When you don't answer Emily, she phrases her question differently. "What are you feeling right now?"

Your lips become a thin line. "I don't know. It feels like all of this," you point to the room, "isn't a part of me anymore. Nothing has changed, but it still feels foreign."

Emily nods. "You've been through a lot, I guess." She takes a sip of her coffee. "You're right, Y/N. Nothing has really changed here. But you're a different one now, aren't you?"

You open your mouth to answer her, but you don't know what either. Part of you feels at home here, but a bigger part of you knows your place is somewhere else. You just don't know where exactly.

"Do you want to see the others?", Emily asks. "I'm asking you because it's been a long time since you've seen them. And they think you're...you know. Are you ready for that?"

Are you ready for that? You haven't seen either of them in a long time, and it would probably be better not to see them for now, but to let Emily sort it out first. But the team is your family - the closest thing you have to a family. And you've missed them all terribly.

You nod and take a sip of your coffee as JJ and Rossi enter the room. When they see you, they glance uncertainly at Emily, as if they're not sure if it's just imagination, but she nods at them. And that's when all the dams break for JJ.

She pulls you from your chair and hugs you like the salvation of the world depends on it, and David has to pry her cramped arms from you so he can put his around you as well. They affirm to you how much they missed you and ask how you are, wanting to know what happened, but Tara and Penelope join them and that's when it gets too loud for you.

Penelope cries with joy and Tara also can't believe that you are standing in front of her. They besiege you and ask you questions to which you have no answers, so you just smile weakly at them. They definitely don't mean any harm, after all, you've just risen from the dead for them, but you've spent the last while in silence and are no longer used to this volume. So you turn away from them. They look anxiously after you as you sort of flee from them. You hope that this will make the headache go away.

Without paying much attention to where you're going, you find yourself facing the wall where the pictures of the deceased agents hang. And yours is hanging there, too. You don't know how long you've been standing in front of it - minutes? hours? -until a familiar voice snaps you out of your thoughts.

"Y/N?"

You turn around and there stands Spencer. His hair is a little shorter and he looks like he's seen a ghost. Well, he sort of has.

You want to throw yourself into his arms, kiss him, and never let him go. Seeing him knocks the air out of your lungs, which is why you can barely breathe. The two years without him had been hell on earth, but you got through them. For him.

For Spencer, who doesn't take his eyes off you as the blonde woman next to him, whose fingers are intertwined with his, looks at him and asks, "Honey, who's that?"

- tags -

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#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid headcanon #spencer reid series #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x reader smut #spencer reid one shot #spencer reid blurb #criminal minds #criminal minds one shot #Emily Prentiss #tara lewis #Jennifer jareau #aaron hotchner

[vyl3tpwny]

everything in my life is changing

there's no simple way of starting off a writing like this.

but lots of things in my life have been changing, both external and internal forces. i really want to talk about as much of it as i can.

this is sort of a mental health update, an overdue one.

voreburger made this art. im embracing the fact that im a creature nowadays.

–

kicking old habits

it's sort of a weird think to think about how my first two years living independently have been defined by both the pandemic and the widespread unrest across the country in the most politically radicalized displays ive ever seen up close and with my own conscious experiences. it's been very terrifying, but sobering.

in all of that, though, i found myself arguing and fighting more online than i ever have. which is certainly saying something, if you know how i was in the past online. i think these days, my personal beliefs are far more noble and informed than in my past, but despite that i think it's been really unreasonable to go about life as i had been for a while. being confrontational and assertive in this way has always been a very unhealthy side of me.

needless to say, many of the events of the past year and a half — especially confrontations with people i had known before — ushered in a realization that this is something i need to change about myself. it didn't matter if what i was fighting for was moral or noble in any way. it's genuinely just time that i stopped fighting with people all the time. one of the biggest reasons i've accepted this is especially out of fear of going off on someone who genuinely isn't a bad person or acting out of place, and i'm just overreacting or whatever. in most cases, now, i think it's just best to remove myself from situations that could evoke those feelings and learn to be more graceful. its just bad for my mental health, and it's not like it helps anyone else's mental health either. i don't have to be everyone's teacher or moral compass. if someone's a passive asshole, i should probably just preserve my own energy and protect the people that matter to me.

i think this is healthier for everyone.

in general, the transition between teenager-ness and adulthood was so grey and uninformed. its so weird. when you become a legal "adult", it really doesnt feel like anything's changed. when you become aware of your responsibilities and start to examine aspects of yourself that are certainly negative or toxic especially as an adult, THEN it starts to feel like something is happening. but for a while, it was such a grey area and lots of things didnt make sense. i think i have a much better grip on who i am and what i'm supposed to be doing these days.

i took this photo back in late 2016 during some depressive episode. i used it for the cover of my small album project "apathy". its nostalgic and cool looking, but i cant help but think about how i was still very much an unhinged dickhead then. its amazing how much people just tolerated me somehow.

—

cutiemarks; new traumas & old memories

cutiemarks is certainly the most personal and transparent music project i've ever made, and it's not a coincidence that it was written when it was. there are so many stories ive thought about in my head and they all began to fill my heart as drastic things began to happen throughout the last year and a half.

i'm grateful nobody's really prodded about it, but yeah i went through the hardest breakup and most intense social crisis i've ever faced in my entire life at the beginning of 2021. i examined the events of my life and personality as a result of it. i began to experience an unbearable and continued social anxiety and dysphoria unparalleled to anything i'd come to know as well. i'm still in that too, but i hung out with galaxysquid the other week. it was the first time in over a year i had chosen to see someone that isnt a roommate on my own accord. that was a big step for me. cutiemarks is what took shape from all this turmoil.

when thinking about my past memories, i go through a lot of my photos. but none compare to this one. i always come back to this one of me and sylver working on super pony world (2016) in 2015 at a coffee shop.

—

accepting changes and learning things about myself

these are all big things. but as i worked and as i began to spend time in new spaces, falling in love with eden, and taking a step back from everything, i realized how much stuff was happening under the surface that was affecting me on a much bigger level than i would've ever expected.

i came to accept my being neurodivergent, something i never felt like i could've understood or accepted in the past. it explains so many things about myself and has helped me understand a lot of things that have long puzzled me. i've been discovering ways of articulating it all better and living with it. lots of things & mindsets i used to write off as trivial or unhelpful are now becoming important aspects of my life that help me stay organized and think better. it's all been positive. understanding how i process information and respond to things as a result of the way my brain works has been super important too. when things become less of a mystery about yourself, it's super cathartic and just opens up a whole buncha shit in your brain.

coming to terms with my introversion and boundaries is another huge thing. i've always been such a pushover when it comes to social things. it had gotten to the point where i was having panic attacks about like everything. so i've been putting my [hoof] down more about who i want to be around and what i want my spaces to look like. i still felt obligated to stay connected with lots of different people who'd been around since even my edgiest days. and again, i'm not going to be a moral compass for anyone, but i'm just not comfortable around those kinds of people anymore. i want to be around people who make me happy and comfortable. i want to be able to take a deep breath and relax.

setting more boundaries and unfollowing a lot of people who i felt obligated to has been something ive been needing to do too. and now i'm finally doing it. ive been too accessible and too open for too long, and it had gotten to the point where my current place as a creator and my level of introversion and lack of attention span has made it impossible to be who i used to be. i used to respond to every comment and answer every message and thats just totally unrealistic now!

this is literally how i feel (art made by eden <3)

—

being a musician, shifts in perspective, and realizations

between antonymph and lesbian ponies with weapons, i think everyone can feel what i've been thinking lately. and that is: fuck it.

i grew up in music elitism in all the worst ways. i was always in all the wrong spaces, all of which often felt like they perpetuated elitism in some way. my ego was sooooooooo huge for the lonnnnnngest time and even when i finally stopped feeling so pretentious and competitive, feelings of being a perfectionist and feeling limited to what things i was allowed to do in creativity still persisted. after putting out "queen of misfits" i realized that i should be able to do whatever i want within moral reason. so i decided to do just that with the direction i shifted "fairytails" in — then even further with "cutiemarks".

i realized that feeling boxed in creatively perpetuated feelings of depression and competitiveness in the most unhealthy ways. learning to have fun and to create however i felt was huge.

i also realized ive felt inhibited by all my client work, and thats something im going to change a lot moving forward. it's felt difficult to work on any personal projects while client work has loomed over me. ive also definitely not been charging nearly enough to how much i should be. so, moving forward im going to raise my prices a lot more, take very limited slots, and be a lot more reasonable out of it. and i dont want to take anymore commissions for a while anyway. i have a huge queue and its only recently dawned on me how stressed out its been making me feel. i wanna power through everything i have in my queue and then just finally get to working on Promise Complex. i feel so giddy and excited thinking about all the ideas ive been ruminating on for years with regards to the album. i wanna get thru my commissions so i can finally make my dream album.

my creative space feels so comfortable and full though. its like whenever i have an idea for anything i can just jump right on it. its nice.

—

so what does it all mean?

how do i summarize this. honestly, it's high time i lived my life the way i want to. i want to curate my own spaces without feeling guilty that someone will feel left out or jealous. i want to talk to who i want to and answer when i feel comfortable to, rather than doing anything because i feel obligated to. i want to be clear about my boundaries and not feel guilty for having them. i want to create in the ways i want to and denounce elitism for my sake and for the sake of other creators. i want to stop fighting and being a moral compass, especially so as not to hurt well-meaning people in the process. i need to be aware and attentive to how my brain works and just make all the right choices for myself.

i've been making new friends, embracing old ones, it all feels really good. honestly eden, pico/klez, lucas, bunny, izzy, hazel, jamie, kai, chiba, ricky, neko, you've all had such a huge influence on my life in the most positive ways possible. i'm so happy about life.

as a result of all the changes ive been making and all the shifts in my mentality, i've been able to talk about my problems more openly and transparently. i've been able to work out a lot of things and sort things out. it's so refreshing. it feels so refreshing to be able to just talk freely, tell people to their face how i'm feeling. no more games. no more hints. i love life and i love trying to feel positive. i've learned to deal with hard things with a smile, something i never expected to be able to do.

since the big breakup, things have improved for both of us and we're actually the best of friends and actually we're soooooo cool and we'll take on the world as best friends because we're so cool. i think bun is amazing and i think hazel is amazing too. i really love eden and i think we're going to do so many cool things too. as a result of falling in love with eden and making a lot of life changes, ive felt more expressive and colourful than ever before, which i think is something very different than what im used to. its a good thing. its all good shit. forever it felt like i didnt have real emotions and now theres colour in my cheeks as i can feel feelings for what seems like the first time ever.

so. i've learned to be graceful in new ways. and i've learned to be more assertive in others. all my friends are the coolest. eden is the love of my life. and i have so many things i want to create.

thanks for reading this all the way through if you did. it's not organized very well, but it articulates my feelings as they've come.

(we love each other actually)

[youbloodymadgenius]

Ivarello (Modern!Ivar x reader) Chapter 4

Moodboard by @quantumlocked310

Ivarello’s masterpost here

A/N: This is my entry for @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie 500 Followers Fairy Tale Challenge. It's a retelling of Cinderella. Congrats again, darling 💖

A huge thank you to @mrsalwayswrite , who's a great beta reader and an even greater cheerleader 😂

A massive thank you to @quantumlocked310 , @vikingstrash and @serasvictoria . Thank you for agreeing to collaborate and for sharing your talent with me. Your moodboards are beyond amazing 🤩

In this story, Sigurd is alive. Ragnar and Aslaug are dead, but Lagertha didn't kill her. I took a lot of liberties with the show, I hope you won't mind.

Unlike the tale, there will be no magic involved. Not everything will be realistic, however. It's a fayritale, after all!

Let me know if you want to be tagged 😊

Summary: Orphaned five years ago, Ivar and his brothers have been living with Lagertha ever since. Now 16 years old, he wants to attend Harald's traditional Midsummer party, but obstacles stand in his way.

Warnings: description of car crash; orphaned kids; Sigurd being Sigurd; OOC characters.

Words: 2877

Additional note: This is the final chapter. There'll be an epilogue, but you'll have to wait a bit because there are a lot of challenges I've signed up for and I'm way behind schedule.

Enjoy 🙂

🛡⚔️🛡

Devastated and angry at the world. That's how Ivar is feeling.

Holed up in his room since the night before, and despite Lagertha incessant requests, he doesn’t plan to come out, not now at least. Come to think of it, he might as well decide never to leave his room again.

He can't stand the idea of facing his brothers. He doesn't want to have to tell them about his failure. He doesn't want to endure Ubbe's pity and condescendence. He doesn't want to see the look of triumph on Sigurd's face. The thought makes his stomach lurch while at the same time a murderous urge creeps into his mind. No, he definitely can't see his brothers.

Surprisingly, and unlike Lagertha, his brothers have left him alone, as if sensing that entering his room would be as moving into a minefield. Only Hvitserk had taken a chance earlier, cautiously poking his head through the door. His disapproving look obvious when his eyes had taken in the scene before him, Ivar's belongings scattered on the floor, some of them smashed into pieces.

"I got you a chocolate muffin from the kitchen, baby bro," he had explained, putting it on a nearby shelf, and it had almost brought a smile to Ivar's face. To Hvitserk, there's no predicament that can't be improved with comfort food.

"Look, Ivar," scratching his neck, Hvitserk had then said, "I don't know what happened and I don't want to pressure you. You tell me when you're ready, if you are. But I'm here, okay? Whatever the time of day or night, you don't have to be alone if you don't want to. If I'm upstairs, just call me, okay?" With these words, he was gone, the door closed.

Ivar can't get the events of the previous evening out of his mind. Like a waking nightmare, they are playing over and over in his head: how he had freaked out when he heard the beeps; the confused and then so disappointed look you had given him when he sputtered his need to leave; finally, his shameful escape into the night.

What could he have done? What should he have done?

He does know the answer. He should have been more cautious. He should have checked the time, asked for your number and just walked away.

On the other hand, what difference would it have made? He would still have no future with you, right? He would still be a cripple, and you would still be... you... perfect... too good for him.

So yeah, he had run away like a coward. He lets out a bitter chuckle to himself. Run away? Who is he kidding? He hadn't run away, that would have been too easy. Cripples don't run away. Without his cane – why the fuck did he leave it behind?? – he had pathetically limped away, stumbling, his feet sinking into the sand. He had still been on the beach when the battery had died. He had had no other choice but to crawl like a worm the rest of the way, silently praying to the gods that the darkness of the night would prevent you from seeing him like this.

Tears of despair run down his cheeks for the umpteenth time. He's used to feeling humiliated, but feeling humiliated and heartbroken simultaneously is really too much to take. He feels like he's dying from the inside over and over again, cursing himself for wanting to attend the party, for wanting to see you again. He should never have let his walls down, he should never have dared to hope. What was he thinking? He may have walked, and even danced with you, but at the end of the day, he still is a pitiable cripple with stupid, crooked legs, in love with a girl way out of his league.

If he's being honest, that's what hurts the most. He now realizes how delusional he had been. Holding on to a dead dream for years, he had not forseen the painful yet unavoidable reality check. And now, it's like he's been hit by a train. Because there's no denying it, dreaming of a life with you is no longer an option, not after last night. And even though it's almost unbearable, he knows now he has to let go of you, of the idea of you and him being together. As much as this mere thought is devastating, he has no other choice. He has to stop fooling himself, for his own sanity, if nothing else.

Giving a guttural cry, much like that of a wounded animal, Ivar doesn't hear when the front doorbell rings. Not that he would have reacted even if he had heard it, too busy wallowing in self-pity.

***

"Thank you for having us here on such short notice, my dear." Your uncle states joyfully, his eyes sparkling, as Lagertha greets him with a handshake and a tight-lipped smile. Even though you don't know why, it's obvious that she's not his biggest fan.

Your uncle, who doesn't seem to notice – or doesn't care, you're not sure – keeps giving her a beaming smile. "My niece here," he turns his head toward you for a short moment, "has a weird request. She met a boy yesterday, during the party. He lost something and my sweet Y/N has been adamant since this morning that she wants to find him and personally return it to him. We were wondering," he turns his gaze in the direction of the couch, "if it could be one of your wards."

There are indeed three young men, half sprawled on the couch, who get up as one when Lagertha gives them a stern look. If you vaguely remember having seen them before, a single glance is enough for you to know that the one you're looking for is not among them.

You're on the verge of saying so but your uncle doesn't give you a chance to. "See boys," he unceremoniously grabs the cane you're holding behind your back, "here is the lost item. A cane! Fairly uncommon, if you ask me. Anyway... Does this... thing belong to any of you?"

Since you know it doesn't, you're surprised when two of the guys both take a step forward. "Actually, it's mine," they say in unison, each of them only then becoming aware that the other is speaking.

Dumbstruck, you look at one then the other successively. They've got a lot of nerve! You know they're lying, and you would have known it even if these two idiots hadn't spoken at the same time. They just look nothing like your handsome stranger – if he's a stranger.

"Sigurd, you know it's mine!"

"Don't play dumb, you never use a cane, Ubbe! Whereas me, I do sometimes. Everyone knows artists tend to be eccentric, right?"

The blondest one – Sigurd if you heard right – points his finger at a guitar leaning against the wall and then winks at you, "I'm a musician, you know?" You don't even have time to roll your eyes as the other one – Ubbe? – yells, his nostrils flaring.

"Shut up Sig, you're so full of shit! You know I've got a sprained ankle!"

"A sprained ankle, no kidding? Who did a ten-kilometer run today, huh? It's not me! So, you are the one going to shut up, you fucking douchebag!"

It's almost funny to watch them arguing back and forth. If you weren't so pissed off, you'd laugh. But right now, you're mostly mad at them. Their blatant lies make your blood boil with anger.

Are they really thinking you're a complete idiot? That you can be fooled so easily? Who do they think they are? Who do they think you are? Some stupid chick ready to fall for their good looks? If they think that, they're kidding themselves.

"You're the fucking douchebag, Sig!! Don’t forget I'm the oldest!"

"And what's the difference, huh? You can't have all the girls, Ubbe! Keep fucking Margrethe and just let me be! Stop being a controlling asshole!"

"STOP!!!! BOTH OF YOU!!!"

Lagertha's shout is deafening and if looks could kill, these two morons would be lying dead on the floor right here, right now.

"Y/N, my dear," Lagertha gives you an apologetic smile, "I'm so sorry for that. I swear they usually know how to behave, better than that at least. Guess they don't know how to handle your striking beauty. Now sweetheart, tell me, is one of these two knuckleheads the one you were with last night?"

The silence that falls on the room after her question is so complete that you could hear a pin drop. Acutely aware that all eyes are on you, you shyly lower your gaze, shaking your head slightly, as you clasp your hands over your belly. You eventually speak, your eyes meeting Lagertha's, and you can see she knows what you're going to say. "No, the guy I was with last night is not one of them."

"How can you be so sure?" Sigurd's voice is soft and tentative now, and Ubbe adds, seemingly for once in agreement with his younger brother, "yeah, how can you? It was pretty dark after all."

You give them a smile. "How can I be so sure? You mean beside the fact that you obviously don't need a cane? Neither of you?" The third brother, who still hasn't opened his mouth, chuckles, giving you a thumbs up. "Look, I appreciate your interest, I really do, but neither of you are the one I am looking for. Therefore," you look at your uncle, "we should leave, don't you think?" Checking the time on your watch, you shrug. "What about the Eyvindsson family? Didn't you tell me about three brothers? We may have time to go and see them tonight if we hurry."

Your uncle nods, handing you back the cane. "You're right, Y/N, we should leave." Taking two steps forward, he grabs Lagertha's hand. "Sorry dear, we will waste no more of your time."

You're about to thank her when one of the boys clears his throat. "Ahem..."

Turning your head, you're surprised to see the third brother, the silent one, raising his hand. "I think I might know who this cane belongs to." Frowning, he glances at his brothers. "And you both know it too."

"Shut up, Hvitserk!" Sigurd spits, clenching his hands into fists. "Don't bring the fucking cripple into the conversation."

"Sigurd! Keep your mouth shut!" Lagertha glares at him for several long seconds then her face softens as she looks at Hvitserk, placing a hand on his shoulder. "What are you trying to say, Hvitserk? Do you think this cane belongs to your baby brother?"

Hvitserk nods. "I know it does, actually."

"Come on, Hvit, you're talking nonsense. It cannot be, it just cannot. That guy was standing. It wasn't our brother. Our brother wasn't there last night." Ubbe stubbornly insists, but Hvitserk just shakes his head.

"Of course, he was. I saw him. And don't bullshit me, Ubbe, you saw him too. With Y/N." Hvitserk states. That's when you realize that your palms are sweating and your pulse is racing.

Hvitserk keeps going, now speaking to his guardian. "I know what I saw, Lagertha. It was him. I don't know how, but he was standing, Ubbe is right. He was even walking. It may sound weird but I swear, it was him."

Lagertha nods. "I believe you, Hvitserk." A beaming smile spreads across her lips and she tilts her head. "I wouldn't be surprised if Floki had something to do with such a miracle. Go get your brother, Hvitserk, please."

Your heart leaps at these words, you're barely able to contain your excitement and as you let out a nervous chuckle, you cannot help but jump for joy. Needless to say, Ubbe and Sigurd seem much less enthusiastic than you.

***

Reluctantly following his brother, Ivar mutters under his breath, "you're pissing me off, Hvit. I'm fucking not in the mood for whatever you have in mind."

Hvitserk pays him no mind though, a small smile dancing on his lips. "Trust me, baby bro, you'll be in the mood."

Ivar wants to protest, or maybe just turn around and wheel back to his room but all at once the sound of your voice reaches his ears and he stops, frozen in place, his eyes wide open. He may have stopped breathing.

Patting his shoulder reassuringly, Hvitserk whispers, "It's Y/N, baby bro, but I have a feeling you already know. She's here for you, she was looking for you, Ivar. Go..." before giving a single push to his brother's wheelchair, his right hand on the backrest.

Ivar honestly doesn't know how he manages to wheel himself into the living room. What he does know, however, is that you're suddenly standing right in front of him. The heart stopping smile you flash him blows all the air out of his lungs, his heart pounding wildly in his chest, and the outside world – Lagertha, his brothers, Harald – ceases to exist.

A little voice tells him he should be feeling self-conscious with his hair all messy and wearing worn sweatpants, but he can't bring himself to care, not when you kneel in front of him with stars in your eyes.

"Here you are, finally," you breathe, gently placing a hand on his knee. Ivar didn't know until now that one could die of happiness, but that's exactly what he's feeling and he wouldn't trade it for anything.

Swallowing, he blinks several times. When he speaks, his voice trembles, his bottom lip quivering. "Hello Y/N, you were... looking for... for me?" He has trouble getting the words out, his nervous fingers fidgeting on his lap.

Grabbing both his hands in yours, you nod, your thumbs stroking his knuckles tenderly. "I was, yes, and for a very long time."

Shyly lowering his head, Ivar, almost feeling dizzy, can't wrap his head around your words. They're just too good to be true. "But... why?"

"Why?" You giggle, your laughing eyes lighting up your face, and he's positive, you're even more beautiful like this. "Isn't it obvious? I want to know more about you, what's your favorite color, what you eat for breakfast, where you see yourself in ten years. I just want to spend time with you, Ivar."

'Ivar' You've just said his name and it's like the sweetest music to his ears. He can't believe it. Wow. "You... You recognized me?" There's so much hope and joy in his voice, he cringes.

You shrug, your smile never leaving your lips. "I wasn't sure at first. You've changed a lot." Your hand cups his cheek. The sensation on his skin is so overwhelming he has to hold back the tears threatening to gush. Yet, he can't help but think you're speaking about his legs.

He grits his teeth. "Yeah... Standing tall can change a man."

"No! no, no, no," you retort without missing a beat, "That's not what I meant. In my memory you still looked like you did when we were ten, but look at you now, all grown up! Your hair was so short back then." Reaching out, you brush a strand of hair back and tuck it behind his ear before letting your fingers run slowly down and up his bulging biceps, your hand finally lingering on his forearm, "Plus, you clearly work out a lot. So, yeah, I thought it was you, but I wasn't sure. When we were dancing last night, I thought I'd ask you right after, but then you left and... well... I didn't have a chance..."

Ivar wraps his fingers around yours, a frown creasing his forehead. "About that, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left like–"

You shush him, holding a finger to his lips. "It doesn't matter, Ivar. You don't have to explain. All that matters is that I found you." Standing up, you lean forward and gently kiss his cheek and he feels like he's floating. Intertwining his fingers with yours, you whisper in his ear, "I reckon we got some lost time to make up, you and me. Can we go stargazing now?"

Hearing this makes Ivar's insides turn to jelly. Barely able to think, he is on cloud nine and wishes with all his heart never to come back down to earth again. But despite the daze, despite the fog in his head, despite the blinding happiness, he knows one thing: no matter how many stars he sees, you'll be the brightest one.

"Yes, Y/N, you're right," bringing your hand to his mouth, he gives it a kiss, "let's go stargazing."

And as he leaves the room, you walking alongside him with your hand on his shoulder, his heart filled with joy and wonder, he doesn't miss the thumbs up Hvitserk gives him, nor the scowl on Ubbe's and Sigurd's faces.

For a fleeting second, he thinks he should – he could – taunt them. They deserve to be laughed at, don't they? But then, he realizes he doesn't have time for that. The time for happiness has come, and it's far more important.

Giving you a beaming smile, Ivar inhales deeply before releasing a sigh of satisfaction. Yeah. Happiness. Happiness sounds good.

🛡⚔️🛡

Ivar’s taglist: @waiting4inspiration @honestsycrets @lisinfleur @saldelys @gearhead66 @inforapound @readsalot73 @milkkygirls @xbellaxcarolinax @shannygoatgruff @zuxiezendler @hecohansen31 @lonewolf471 @fuckindiva @tgrrose @didiintheblog @peachyboneless @pieces-by-me @funmadnessandbadassvikings @ethereallysimple @destynelseclipsa @cocovikings23 @xceafh @mrsalwayswrite @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie @pomegranates-and-blood @jadelynlace @grimeundglow @quantumlocked310 @alexhandersen-marcoilsoe-fandom @adrille88

Ivarello's taglist: @not-another-viking-fanfic-blog @hashimily @prepare4trouble @supernaturalvikingwhore @funmadnessandbadassvikings @heavenly1927 @dini73

#ivar #modern ivar #modern!ivar #modern-ivar #modern ivar x reader #modern!ivar x reader #ivar x reader #ivar the boneless #ivar ragnarsson #ivar imagine #ivar fic #ivar fanfic #ivar fanfiction #ivar vikings #vikings ivar #cherrypie’s500 #fairytale retelling #ivarello

[captains-simp]

Carol Danvers ~ Impatient Acts: Part 1

Carol Danvers X fem!Reader Smut

Word count: 1,724

Includes: phone sex, degrading, captain kink and masturbation with fingers and strap on

[ masterlist ]

Buy me a coffee ☕

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"How much longer do you think you'll be away?" You ask with a pout as you role onto your back, staring up at the dull ceiling and imaging your girlfriend somewhere far above it.

"I don't know, baby. Could be a couple days, maybe more...a lot more." She spoke into the device. Even though you were disappointed you were still quick to realise her tired voice sounded a lot like her morning voice, something that always turned you on to no ends.

Right now Carol was getting ready to rest for the night, if that was even a thing in space, while you lay on your bed in the midday summer heat.

The blonde had been away for a few weeks now and you missed her so much. You missed everything about the captain and there seemed to be nothing you could do to fix that. It seemed cuddling her pillow was only enough for when your were falling asleep, and even then you wanted to feel her strong arms wrapped around you.

Not to mention her being away for so long was leaving you incredibly sexually frustrated. You had told Carol this countless times when she had been away, but she just laughed it off before reiterated her number one rule: no touching the captain's property.

Just thinking about her referring to you and your body in such a way made a fire ignite between your legs.

"I miss you." You spoke quietly into the mic on your phone, closing your eyes and trying to invision her right now. She practically always slept in sweatpants and a vest, even in the winter when she was able to heat up her body with her powers (which was like sleeping with a warm blanket wrapped around you). Although sometimes she might not have those sweatpants on...and maybe even nothing beneath. You bite your lip at the thought.

"I miss you too." She said in that morning voice that encouraged the need you felt.

You were only wearing a loose vest and panties. You had no plans of going out, you were home alone and the summer heat wouldn't have been bearable to you in anything else.

"So much." You whispered into the mic as your fingers trailed delicately across your bare thigh and you imagined the motion being from Carol.

Speaking of who, the blonde was quick to catch on to the nature of your speech, knowing all the signs of you being horny you didn't even know you showed.

You heard her move position in her bed and imagined her moving to straddle your waist to kiss down your neck, or making herself comfortable between your legs to slide her strap in easier.

Your eyes flickered open to eye up the closet that you knew Carol had left one of her straps in as she spoke.

"What are you doing?" She asked suspiciously but knowing full damn well what you wanted to do.

"Nothing." You replied with a smile and your best innocent voice. You contemplated getting up and heading for the closet as you said that, but decided to just listen to Carol's voice instead...for now.

"You better be." She said with warning etched into her tone. You shivered at her words slightly as your fingers wandered over your clothed folds that were now drenched with your arousal.

"Or what?" You asked with a smirk and all the confidence you could gather; knowing full damn well you were going to pay for it later. But you were so god damn horny and Carol's voice was all the help you needed, the consequences would be another day's problem.

"Or you're going to regret it." She stated.

You scoffed at her words, not believing the punishment she was going to give could possibly not be worth the orgasm you were going to have tonight.

"It?" You questioned, wanting to hear her spell it out to you. Dirty talking would definetly get you off.

"If you touch that needy little pussy of yours without your captain's permission," she started - her voice getting lower and abandoning her tired tone now she was paying you full attention, "then when I get home I'll make your punishments so bad you'll beg for my forgiveness like the desperate whore you are while crying out for it to stop. You think I've punished you bad before? Things will get unimaginably worse for you if you disobey your captain, slut." She finished, bitterness engraved in her voice that made you bite you lip to stop yourself whimpering pathetically.

You knew you should stop. But the hormones were clouding your judgement and you could physically feel your arousal ruining your panties.

You didn't respond to Carol, you couldn't. You were completely unable to form any words as your fingertips finally dipped under your panties and stroked the wetness of your pussy.

"Well?" Carol asked expectantly. The moment of silence was filled with unbearable tension.

Your clit was throbbing, your pussy walls were clenching around nothing and a thin layer of sweat was forming along your body. You weren't going to wait any longer.

"No." You whispered. There was more silence as Carol didn't seem to believe you would defy such explicit orders, you always obeyed her.

"No?" She questioned, her voice stoic.

Your fingers stroked your folds more until you had collected enough of your juices. With ease, you slipped two fingers inside your touch deprived pussy and gave a long moan as they sunk deeper into you.

Carol growled lowly into the mic before speaking again. "Don't you fucking dare, y/n." She spat.

"I'm so wet, captain." You smiled as you started a slow pace with your fingers, not wanting to overwhelm your most sensitive part after weeks without contact.

"Stop." She said firmly but the anger in her voice only encouraged you. You could imagine her jaw clenched to enhance that prominent jawline. Her fists clenched and probably dieing to be choking you with them. And despite her objections, you bet she was wet.

You curled your fingers ever so slightly and shivered as they brushed against your most sensitive part. You sighed in bliss and moaned once your pace increased.

"Captain..." You whimpered, your thrusts becoming rougher as you clenched around your fingers occasionally.

"It's not worthit, y/n. Do not cum on those fucking fingers." She spat, prouncing all words to the t slowly and deliberately.

Her words planted an idea in your mind and you grinned mischeviously.

"Yes, captain." You replied and gradually pulled your fingers away, your pussy instantly clenching and protesting.

"Good. Now go to sleep." She ordered but you ignore her as you got off the bed and went over to the closet with one of Carol's straps. You bit your lip at the site of the perfect silicone and took it back to the bed.

You stripped off your panties and flung them across the room before laying down again and being thankful Carol hadn't hung up, probably dissatisfied by you not responding to her.

"I miss you fucking me with your cock, captain." You said truthfully into the mic. You didn't miss the uneven breath from Carol that she tried to fix.

"I'm glad you left my favourite behind." You smirked as your fingers stroked the toy.

"Don't even think about it." Carol warned but you disregarded her again as you placed the strap at your entrance, not even needing lube because of how wet you were and especially as you all but edged yourself just a minute prior. Granted, Carol rarely decided to use it either.

You made sure your head was tilted towards you phone that was close to you so your increasingly frustrated girlfriend could hear how your breathing was increasing in anticipation.

Her additional warnings fell on death ears as you only focused on those sound of her voice rather than the message. You were faintly aware of the threats and her telling you you were a disrespectful whore.

You moaned in response to her when the strap pressed itself further against your pussy lips as they eagerly spread themselves apart for the silicone.

You moaned even louder when the intruder was pushing it's way inside you, all the time imagining Carol above you while she whispered dirty truths to you like a secret.

"Captain." You whimpered as you pushed the strap on further, the result being your walls clamping down on it and your juices aiding it all.

You could hear Carol's breathing increase too, clearly turned on by hearing you fuck yourself with her strap and getting off to imaging her. But she would never admit that.

"It feels so good." You moaned as you pulled the strap out, only to have it return with force you hadn't realise you could conjour.

Her breathing hitches as she hears the wet sounds your pussy makes when you thrust the already soaking toy into your needy pussy. You do this continuously as you set a steady pace and lift your hips up slightly to give yourself better access.

Your pace doesn't falter and the strap continues the thrust into you, not nearly matching the pace Carol would give but knowing she'd up that when she gets back. The very thought of how rough she would be with you makes you gush with wetness and amplifies the sounds your pussy is making.

You moan louder into the mic as you mutter Carol's name over and over, as though doing so could make her appear.

"I'm gonna cum." You breathe out heavily and whimper as you approach you high.

"Don't." Carol orders and you can practically hear her teeth gritting between words.

With that command, you whole body tenses up and you back arches. You moan the loudest you had all night as you reach you first orgasm in weeks. "I'm cumming, I'm cumming!" You practically scream as you clench desperetly around the strap as you cum hard on the toy, shaking in pleasure as some of your white, sticky liquid escapes around the sides of the toy and spreads across your thigh as you clench them together after pulling the strap out.

You hadn't even regained your breath when Carol speaks her final words that night.

"You're going to regret that."

My Captain has ended the call.

Part two

#captain marvel smut #captain marvel #captain marvel imagines #captain marvel x reader #carol danvers smut #carol danvers #carol danvers imagines #brie larson #captain

[cheekygreenty]

Little Witch - Part 10

The Darkling x Reader

*I’ve changed this part like 5 times so if there’s any inconsistencies I do apologize 😝

In a perfect world, you and Aleksander would have spent the day in his luxurious bed surrounded by his soft silk sheets. You felt an overwhelming feeling to open up to him, to tell him everything that happened to you since you saw him last, nearly a century ago, but life has a way to ruin perfect opportunities.

Wars didn't take breaks or vacations, they got more deadly as time went on and each side got more nervous as more people gave their lives to the cause. A solution was necessary and from your understanding, Aleksander still had the same plan as he did all those years ago he just had a different way to go about them. No doubt Alina was at the center of them.

You had business to attend to too. The first on the list was a meeting with the council. The King and his advisors were to be there to 'greet' you with open arms, but you were sure you'd have to put on a quick performance of your abilities to satisfy their curious minds.

Maybe that's why he gave me the shadows, to ensure my position. You quickly brushed off the thought. It didn't really matter to you why he did what he did. You had your shadows back. He claimed protection, but you knew there was a different reason behind it as well. It seemed too quick and too easy in your opinion but who were you to judge what kind of trust he truly had in you. You felt comfort that you always had piece of him wherever you went.

On a lighter note, you could finally wear a black kefta. The thought itself had you quickly leaping out of his bed and skipping to your chambers in a mere robe through the secret passages of the Palace. You didn't want anybody to see you leaving his quarters, not in the state you were in. You needed to grab a Healer and get rid of those very visible marks on your neck that Aleksander took his time creating. He intended to mark you as his own but jokes on him, you never wanted to belong to anybody but yourself.

Time passed and servents scurried in and out of your chambers, carrying information from here there and everywhere. You were already overwhelmed with tasks and your position wasn't even announced to the Palace yet. You were still the mysterious Grisha that served with the Darkling, not for.

Your vanity was covered in papers and reports in handwriting you had trouble reading and your bed had maps strung across it. Aleksander truly meant it when he said he would get you started right away and share his responsibilities as soon as he got the chance.

When the time finally came, you were escorted to the Grand Palace with Aleksander walking right next to you. The conversation was devoted to work and nothing else, Fjerdan intel, rumors of West Ravka and Zlatan, and upcoming skiff journeys but you didn't mind. You were damn good at your job, having started out in the First Army and then joining the Second Army had given you experience not even the General had, it's what made you the first pick when dealing with plans involving otkazat'sya soldiers, they respected you. I wonder if they will now.

You had spent 3 years in the First Army once upon a time. You came from a wealthy merchant family, a family full of drunks and abusers and cowards. You gave up the feeling of a full stomach and duck-feathered beds for the rations of the army once your mother admitted to you being a bastard and not worthy of the family name. What a shame. Look at me now.

You never knew what you could do, but a slip-up with a Tidemaker had you served to the Darkling on a silver platter. He was meaner then, more unforgiving. Your years spent with him after that had changed him, made him better in your eyes. You fell for him, hard, even though there was so much death and destruction in his wake. When you love somebody, it’s easy to see past all of the nasty stuff and focus on whatever is left of the good and Aleksander still had an abundance of if.

You could still remember his cold stare as he asked you what the hell you were. After pleading with him that you didn't know and his Heartrenderer confirming it, he whisked you away to the Little Palace where soon enough you had become his equal, if not his superior.

'I actually wanted to ask you something about one of the Grisha in the Palace. I seen her with Alina, red-hair, big blue eyes... she wore a white kefta?' You said as you wlaked down a mirrored hallway in the Royal building.

'Oh, that's Genya Saffin. She works for the King and Queen.' He said with an underlying tone of irritation.

'What does she do? She wears a white kefta so I'm just curious'

'She's a tailor. Member of the Corporalki. She should be wearing red, I know. But trust me the time will come' He ushered us both into a guarded room of glitering gold and pearly white walls. So tacky. I could make out the king slumped in an overdone throne-like chair.

'Moi tsar' you and Aleksander bowed much to your distastes. You hoped nobody had seen the brief look of disgust wash over your face as the Lanstov King rose and gave his advisors a raised eyebrow, signalling to you. A man wearing a navy uniform looked at you like a piece of meat ready to be devoured. I'm gonna throw up.

'Deputy General Y/L/N is it?' He took your hand in his own sweaty one gave it a wet kiss. 'You Grisha are always easy on the eyes aren't you?'

You took a step back and cleared your throat. 'Yes, Moi Tsar, it is an honour to make your acquantance' You tried so hard to keep your fists at your sides.

'And what can you bring to the war table, apart from the newest fashion' He let out an obnoxious laugh and his advisors followed. They all looked smug and spoiled. None of them had any idea what the real world looked like and yet had the audacity to sit this council. I'll show them what it means to be powerful.

Aleksander stepped away to the side and gave you a nod. You slowly unravlled your fist and plunged the room into darkness while simultanseoly blowing a strong wind throughout the space, letting papers fly in all directions and the fire go out. You relit it, and every candle in the room. The man in the navy unifrom got the runt of your powers, as you slowly medled with his heart until he breathed a worried laugh 'Stop it Girl'.

But you didn't stop, you carefully stared at the chair the man sat in and pushed it just enough for him to let out a yell. You accidently let out a chuckle that was meant to be in your head. You felt Aleksander move toward you 'All right, that should be enough' He said visibly amused too. You let it all drop.

'It's Deputy General to you' You looked at his fearful face that tried to cover by fixing his jacket and whiping away invisible dust off of his shoulder.

'I must say I am impressed. With the Sun-Summoner and... you, we will have West Ravka and the surroundings begging for our alliances.' He sat down on his chair once again and pointed to an empty one across from him and to the right of Aleksander, who unbeknownst to you had already seated himself.

'Please, Deputy General, do take a seat, we have business to tend to'

****

A painful 2 hours later you and Aleksander walked out of the Grand Palace. You had a headache and your hands hurt from clentching them so hard.

'I'm assuming you sitting the King's meetings for me is off the table now?' Aleksander mused and all you could do was give him a side-eye.

'I think I want to kill him'

'In due time'

You weren't even surprised. If he didn't do it himself you definitely would have taken one for the team. That man is unbearable; like a child in a grown man's body.

As you wallked into your home, Aleksander gently took hold of your wrist and pulled you in the direction of his quarters.

'Come'

Your head was pounding too much to say no so you obliged. The hallways were bare of people, not a Grisha in sight.

You reached his war room doors and walked in after him. He pulled out a map and laid it down.

'I've sent out a First-Army search for the Stag.'

You paused. The headache suddenly gone. Morozova’s Stag. He had tried once before and failed. The weeks following his failure sent him into a frenzy, he questioned Morazovas journals and almost burned them all, but you had gotten to him last-minute. You never doubted the stag to be real. You just never believed he would use it. He's powerful on his own unless- it's for Alina.

You audibly sighed and leaned your back against the table. Alina.

'Does she want it?'

'Does that matter?'

‘Of course it matters!’ You scorned but he stayed silent.

You turned to look at him and whispered 'What are you planning this time?' He had been dropping hints here and there, but so far there was no plan you knew of. 'I can't help you if I don't know the plan'

'No. You're better of not knowing anything. I can't lose you again' you turned you head and looked at his side profile.

'But you need me. I'm powerful, I can lead an army'

'If anything happens you can take over for me then, Deputy.' He cocked a sad smile and left a lingering kiss on your forhead before he left you standing in the war room alone and confused.

Part 11

Taglist

@theonelittleone @searching-for-gallifrey @0-artemis @lostysworld @xceafh @fire-in-her-veinz @patdsinner33 @cleverzonkwombatsludge @wizardwheezes @aleksanderwh0r3 @tomhollandisabae @hotleaf-juice @justmesadgirl @exo-1204 @houseofdupree @oberonpascal

#shadow and bone #grisha #imagine #the darkling #the darkling x reader #alexander #alexander morozova #alina starkov #ben barnes #fanfic #black general #general kirigan x reader #shadow summoner #keftas

[deanwasalwaysbi]

I've gotta say, I find the concept of Bedlund trying to Ben-Hur Jensen absolutely hysterical. I'm just imagining Jensen getting a script and being like "Ben?? What's this? Is this gay? This seems gay????" and Ben just soothing him like a frightened horse.

Hahaha - Look it wouldn't be the first time. What is this verb we're working with? Okay. Strap in everyone. The Multi-Oscar-winning 1959 movie 'Ben Hur' had a bunch of gay subtext. The writer, the director, and the second lead actor all knew that Charlton Heston's character, Ben Hur, was gay. However, one person didn't find out until the 1990s: Charlton Heston. The consensus on set was "Don’t tell Charlton, because he’ll freak out." and when Heston found out in the ninties, freak out was exactly what he did. (x) [the movie may have gotten a reference from Misha back in season 6 (x)]

Whether this happened with Jensen on SPN depends on two things.

Was the character of Dean intentionally written as Bi and, if so, at what point did that become true?

Did anyone tell Jensen? Did he figure it out? if so, when?

I personally DO believe at this point, I really do, that Bedlund - Ben Hur'd Jensen. I think it was part of the writers room but not all of it, until it was. (Which RN I believe finally happened under Dabb.) I think Jensen wasn't in on it, until he was. So for me? I think he really was in the dark at one point. But at what point that changed? Probably only he can answer that question. and RN? He ain't talking.

In the meantime we can only look at things Jensen has said on the subject - Like this unbearably ambiguous GIF set from @nikadd. Was this tongue in cheek? Legitimate ignorance? You're killing me, Jensen. That cheeky lil smile, Jensen. Nvm - I'm going to kill you instead. It's for my own survival. No hard feelings right? You understand.

UH OH HERE COMES A CUT TO HIDE A LONG DERANGED POST...

We can look at the text for number 1 - and I do that uh - a lot - see the blog name #Dean Was Always Bi

For number 2 we can look over some points when we got clues from what Jensen thought was going on [regardless of whether they make sense based on his jacting or directorial choices I guess] and get left wondering whether at any point he felt pressured to lie for his career, for self protection, or to protect the narrative from the network: 

2010 - 'We're missing the gay angel' (x) (Season 5 gag reel) (x) “Sorry man, not what the show’s about.” Jared: One of the good and bads about playing the straight [non-comedic] character on the show… Jensen: What wait? I’ve been playing him so wrong

2012 / S8 - Trenchcoat - Jensen talking about how sometimes they change the lines because they're way too gay. Calls Cas a third brother

2012 - "What's Destiel?" Ben Edlund: That’s some weird shit. Jensen: Is this something that you created, Ben? Ben: You don’t want any part of that.

“Don’t ruin it for everyone now” “I still don’t know what the question was. I’m going to pretend I don’t know what the question was.”

2013 @ JIB, re Dean’s reaction to Aaron’s flirting in the season 8 episode Everybody Hates Hitler,  (x)

“And the scene wasn’t written to be that kind of - I mean - It was written to be awkward.  Ben Edlund wrote the - my favorite line in that scene was ‘carry on . citizen’ that was - I almost couldn’t say that with a straight face I was laughing so hard.  But it was - you know - it was comedy. It was a comedic moment in the show and fortunately Dean gets a lot of the comedic moments in the show and it was just, you know, Ben was poking fun at the fact that - you know, how can we make this very kind of manly, heterosexual guy uncomfortable - uh -you know, or  or have him back on his heels and throw him off his game a little bit.”

The thing is - Bedlund and Phil Sgriccia made very clear on the commentary track that THEY saw this scene as a 'romantic comedy kind of fluster' "This potential for love in all places."

Ben Edlund calling the writer’s room a boy’s club in 2013 (x)

Misha Collins telling Destiel fans they aren’t Crazy in 2013 after some executives said they were (x).

2014 Jensen says he was glad there wasn’t much Dean and Cas in season 9  - HA Hah HAH (x)

“I think the whole Cas and Dean thing has gotten out of hand”  “I don’t think there’s anything secret to their relationship even though a lot of people wish there was” REMINDER - that season we got the nightstands acknowledgement and “play him like a jilted lover” and the “he dumped me James” cut and -

I certainly know that Misha and I don’t play that. SIGH. they Ben Hur'd Jensen.

2014 - the fan fiction joke - 10.05

“I didn’t have a positive reaction, The first time in I think 200 scripts I went and sat down in the showrunners office and said, ‘What in god’s name are you doing?! Why? I need to understand why this is happening.’” “[Carver] gave very eloquent answers and did a great job of explaining why we were doing what we were doing, I guess I had been aware of this ‘fan fiction’ for a while and I felt like maybe if I ignored it, it would eventually go away. When I read it in the script that is what I do for a living and is my work—I’m very protective of these characters and the story and I think we have a right to be—I wasn’t angry. I just wanted to understand why and what was the message we were ultimately sending with this script and story. By the end of it, I felt good and it gave me all the confidence I needed. It was better than I could have ever hoped.”

But then there's Jensen in 2015 talking about all of Dean’s bromances. (x)  [gifs at the top] Could go either way - starting to figure it out? or No?

What had changed if anything? the entire Crowely season 10 story line?  This was July 2015 - the same day as the SDCC 2015 panel where Misha talked about Destiel   (x @ 13) Carver and Dabb were there - 

By this time Jensen and Misha were nominated for a teen choice award for best chemistry against various tv couples (and one ensemble cast, but the award nomination did NOT include Jared) .... Misha and Jensen would go on to WIN this award one month after the panel.

At the Panel Rob and Rich ask the question: “You two have branded yourselves as TV’s greatest team since, ... idk who.... Ernie and Bert so.”  [Misha says to Jensen & Jared, half not on the microphone: “I really didn’t expect them to throw us under the bus.”] “are we going to see that continue? Is the Castiel Dean relationship still aflutter and still growing as we move into season 11?”  Jeremy Carver: “Ish.” [mocking from panel ensues] “Yes. Of course. I mean Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. There’s no doubt.”

Jensen Directs 11x03 and the choreo mimics Goodbye stranger (x)

2016 - Jensen: Dean could have a huntress, but you’d kill her.

Jan 2017 Con the infamous - no hedge - harsh - “Destiel doesn’t exist.” (x)

I would hope that if he knew he wouldn’t have been so harsh with it.  So by that point either he still didn’t know - OR - to him ‘Destiel’ was specifically about internet porn/sex and not like - the potential for feelings / a relationship.  It makes me think about something Misha had actually said, around 2013, “It’s called ‘Destiel’ and it’s about the romantic interludes between Dean and Castiel.” (x)

2017 - jib8 Jensen called Dean a lover of the ladies

May 2017 - After filming the end of season 12:

2018 - Misha confirms he and Jensen have talked about Destiel (x) - also 2018: The Bisexual Dean essay "? No." (Oh god was this really this recent?! I can't deal with this.)

Well. SOMETHING happened in 2019. cuz here it comes

2019 - "Dean has no taste, clearly." 2019 - 'So, tell us just a little bit about what you're most excited to tackle with your character this final season.' "Cas. Just like a full football form tackle."

Look at this face he gave Dean when Cas told him he loved him and tell me he wasn't playing into it here. You can't. (x)

#jackles long con #unparalled media experience #desticule #dean is bi #spn tinhatting #ben hur treatment #dean was always bi #jackles sexy silence #jensen ackles #spn meta #spngate #spn bts #spn behind the scenes #ben edlund #ben hur #bedlund #spn metacanon #i went off #I really do believe that bedlund ben hur'd Jensen #spn gaslighting #JENSEN WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL #my asks #caslighting #original content #long post #this has been stewing for a long time #reference #oh do help me this is somehting other people know way more about. #deranged #spn homophobia

[tinisprout]

Not as a Friend

Pairing: Heeseung x gn!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Word count: 2,485

Summary: The two of you have always been close to each other. Saying, I love you, as friends, since young. But your feelings are deeper than that of a friend. A confession pushes you to tell him how you really feel, even if it might ruin your friendship.

A/N: It's been a millennium since I've written. This is also my first time writing in First Person so this was a struggle. Still, I hope it's not too bad. *I wrote this with the thought of the Reader and Heeseung being high school seniors, already 18, but I never specified age or grade in the story, so I guess it doesn't really matter. Anyways, enjoy!

The walk home with Heeseung today feels unbearable, I know that he keeps glancing in my direction, I know he’s worried after seeing my face in class. That makes it hurt even more, he’s so kind and caring, what did I do to deserve a friend like him? We continue our walk back home in silence and I think about the past.

I like you and I love you are very straightforward words, but depending on the context of the relationship they can have a different meaning. I remember the first time I said I loved him, it was a very wholesome moment. We were only six, our mothers watched us play together in the park, “They haven’t known each other for very long but they get along so well,” my mother said gleefully.

“Yes, they must really like each other,” Heeseung’s mother replied. I lifted my head to look at Heeseung, our eyes met and we smiled at each other. Hearing their conversation, I turned to them ready to tell the world about my friend.

“I love Heeseung, he is my best friend!” I grabbed his hands, they were just as small as mine. Heeseung leaned into me, flashing a dazzling smile to our parents.

“I love y/n too.” It was so innocent. For a long time after that, we never had a problem saying, I love you, to each other. It was just a casual statement between friends. In instances when saying goodbye to each other or times when we would annoy each other, one of us would say, ‘you still love me, don’t you?’ and the other would reply ‘...I still love you.’

It changed when we were older and our peers would make fun of us for saying it so casually. I wasn’t bothered by the teasing, but Heeseung would always try to defend the innocence of our relationship, “Guys, we don’t like each other. We're just friends, this is just how we have always been with each other.” I had already started to develop feelings for him, maybe I was feeling guilty because when I would say, I love you, it wasn’t so much in a platonic way anymore. So one day I drew a line.

“Heeseung, you know I love you, right?” We sat in his living room, relaxing after we came back from school.

“What’s wrong?” I guess my tone didn’t sound too happy, he looked concerned as he looked at me in silence waiting for my answer.

“I think we should stop saying, I love you, to each other...not just in front of our classmates, but probably when we’re alone too.” He sat up straight quickly, pushing his hair back.

“What, why? Is it because of all the teasing?” I couldn’t meet his eyes and tell him the real reason.

“Not really, I’ve just been thinking. We aren’t in love with each other or anything, we’re just friends. When you do end up dating someone, I don’t want to be the problem in your relationship. If I was in their shoes, I think I would be jealous. So...yeah.” I looked back up at him, he looked at me too, seeming to be thinking and searching for something. After the long pause, he slumps back a little and leans his head back, letting out a big sigh.

“If that’s how you feel then we can do that.”

“Hey come on, it’s not like I suddenly stopped caring about you.”

“Ha, yeah.” He gave a small smirk. We continued our evening together with a somewhat awkward atmosphere.

Not long later, I regretted what I said that day. Most people were finished with class cleaning, same for me. I was packing my things, getting ready to leave school with Heeseung like we do every day. Weirdly enough Heeseung usually finishes before me and comes to me first, but he wasn’t here yet. I walk to his classroom after I'm done getting ready, and yet still, I didn’t see him. I asked some of his classmates, “Hey, do you know where Heeseung is?”

“Uh, he left with a girl a little while ago, but he didn’t take his stuff,” one of his classmates answered, pointing to his bag half-packed on his desk, he didn’t take his phone either. Many thoughts flew through my head, but the loudest one was, ‘He’s getting confessed to.’ I pursed my lips and then said my thanks to his classmates and left back to my classroom. I wanted to take his bag, pack it for him, but the thought of finding out that he said yes, I don’t think I could look at him, it would hurt too much.

I sat down on my seat in the now-empty class, laying my head down and covering my head with my arms. ‘A confession doesn’t take long, I’ll wait for 10 minutes max. If he doesn’t come to get me then I’ll just leave.’ I gripped onto my forearms, ‘I should be happy for him if he says yes to her.’ I started to anxiously bounce my leg, ‘Please, come back soon.’ It felt like an eternity left alone with my thoughts. The sounds outside the classroom slowly softened as students continued to leave. Within the muted sounds came pounding footsteps and then the sound of the door slamming open. Startled, my head shoots up from the desk and I look to the door. There he was, bag slung on one shoulder, his breathing irregular from running, a nervous smile on his face as he let out a just as nervous chuckle.

“Thank goodness you're still here, I wasn’t sure if you left without me. And sorry, I had to do something really quick.” His face fell when he saw my face go from shocked to one that was holding back tears, emotional upheaval nearby. “What’s wrong? What happened?” his eyes were filled with concern as he quickly went up to me kneeling in front of my seat. His head now lower than mine, I looked down at him.

“Heeseung,” my voice had a slight tremble. “I- can we go to your place first...I’ll be ready to tell you then.”

“Of course,” he wrapped his arms around my body, it was such a natural gesture. “It’s gonna be okay.” I hoped it was going to be okay and that he wouldn't leave me after this.

"I-I would never leave without you," even though I said only 10 minutes, I would have waited till the sunset, till there was no more hope. With those last words I pull away from him and we walk out of the classroom without another word and made the seemingly long walk home. Finally, at his home, his parents are still at work it seems so we head straight upstairs. He gets into his normal spot on his bed but instead of leaning against the wall, he sits forward, looking at me. My normal spot would be next to him but I just stood in front of his bed. I don't want to make him uncomfortable after what I'm about to tell him.

"Before I say anything else, I just want to confirm something, if you are comfortable with sharing. What did you have to do during cleaning time?" Heeseung processed for a bit and then his eyebrows shot up in realization.

"Oh uh…" he hesitates.

"It's fine if you don't want to share." ‘I'm still gonna say what I have to say regardless of the answer, I thought to myself.’

"No, no, it's just a little weird. I…got confessed to," silence.

"...Ah, I thought that was the case."

"I rejected them!” he retorted. “...sorry, I'm not mad at you, I just-” he sighed while putting his head in his hands. “I don’t want to make this about me, but I need to say something to you too,” he looks back up at me. I was startled but I knew he wasn’t angry at me, but he was obviously in distress.

“It’s okay, Heeseung. I’ll always be here for you, no matter what. I just hope I don’t ruin the mood after this. Okay, okay, ...sorry, just a little bit longer,” I say, letting out nervous laughter. I start to pace around his room, nerves getting the best of me. I feel my heart pick up speed and I try to keep my breathing under control, clenching and unclenching my fists. I didn’t realize he got up from the bed till I felt his hand squeeze mine. I look at him, freezing up in his gaze. My thoughts are telling me to run away but the heat from his hand was suffocating against my burning one, and yet I didn't want to let go, the feeling told me to stay.

"Hey, you know. You know... I'll love you no matter what. It's okay." Those words that I want so dearly to be true made my heart stop and my body tremble with trepidation. More than anything I didn't want to lose Heeseung, but I care about him, so I don't want to lie and not tell him how I really feel.

"I love you so much. I- I don't know what to do with myself…" My hand squeezes his back, making his hand quiver along with mine. There was heat building up behind my eyes, vision becoming a little blurry.

"It’s okay, breathe. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“No, you don’t get it,” the tears that had been brimming around my eyes finally fell. “I love you and I always will but for a long time now it’s been more than that. I like-like you, I- I’m in love with you! I don’t want to be just your friend anymore. The thought of you being with someone else hurts...so much, but I’ve been too scared to say anything because I don’t want to lose you.” The words became more unsteady, I tried to stop myself from losing complete control of my emotions. I slowly started to sink to the floor and Heeseung followed me down till we popped to the ground in the middle of his room. While stared into each other’s eyes the entire time, I could see Heeseung’s face change, expressing multiple different emotions, none of them seem good.

“...I’m sorry, I d- I didn’t know. I’m sorry, y/n.” Heeseung pursed his lips, he looked like he was about to cry with me. He lets go of my hand and wraps his arms around my body squeezing me tight, repeating, I’m sorry. Are we both trembling now? It’s hard to tell if it’s just me but I wrap my arms around him too and let it all go, my whimpers and sniffles became full-blown sobs. I don’t know how long we cried for, but eventually, our cries came to a hush. It seems like we cried for a long time together and I feel exhausted.

“Ugh, I kinda feel like I have to throw up.” As an attempt to lighten the mood I joke about the very real condition of my stomach, while I pull away from him. Heeseung sniffles and chuckles.

“Yeah, same here,” we look each other in the eyes again. His hands came up and touched my face wiping away the dampness from my cheeks. Even after gently wiping he still kept his hands there. “I’m sorry, that I was a coward. If I just told you how I felt sooner, much sooner, you wouldn’t have to suffer like that. I’m in love with you too…” He pauses to see my reaction as I process this new information. “Pfft, I thought you would have been happy, why are you crying again?” he teases as he rubs at my face again. Even in a moment like this, we can't stop our bantering.

“Shut up, these are tears of happiness,” I hadn’t even realized more tears fell out, I thought I was all cried out. “We are both cowards though. It feels kinda silly now, we’ve cried this much just to say, I love you. When did it all become so complicated?” I sighed, tilting my head a little.

“I don’t know exactly when I fell for you, but when I realized, I knew I wanted you by my side, always, not like before, not as just friends. But I was afraid of ruining our relationship if you didn’t feel the same way.” I grab his shoulders pushing him down to the ground, straddling his body.

We’re so lame, worrying about the same thing, and in the end, we have nothing to worry about, because we both like each other!” Heeseung raises an eyebrow.

“Correction, love each other.” I purse my lips as I look down on him.

“Yeah, I like you, I love you, I’m in love with you! Happy now?

“Yup,” He gave a sly smirk.

“...Damn, I really want to kiss you.”

“What’s stopping you?” ‘Fair enough,’ I thought as I leaned down, closing my eyes, placing a chaste kiss on his lips. I could feel his lips form a smile against mine which made me smile too. I pulled away laughing, the happiness I’m feeling right now seems unreal, but looking at his smile, the reddish color that dusted his cheeks and ears told me just how real it was.

“That was nice,” I say as I remove myself from the top of his body and lay beside him.

“Much better than our first kiss. This time I didn’t have to hide how much I like kissing you.” He turns his body to face mine, propping his head with his hand. My eyes widened at this revelation.

“Wait, you liked me since then?”

“Definitely before then, but yes.”

“Ahh, why were we both so oblivious?!” I bring my hands up to cover my face.

“Hey, at least we know now. I don’t plan on letting you go.”

“Oh, dearest boyfriend of mine, who said I was going anywhere without you?” Heeseung grins from ear to ear.

“I like the sound of that.”

“I’m sure all our classmates and friends will love to tease us about this when they find out. Heeseung cringes at that statement, not exactly something to look forward to.

Sure enough, when we came to school the next day we decided we were not going to try and hide anything, and walked to school holding hands, fingers intertwined. The hollers from our friends and classmates made us embarrassed, but explanations would come later. Though what left everyone flabbergasted, myself included, is when we had to part ways, going into our classrooms, Heeseung bent down and tilted my head up towards his and kissed me. It was short and he left me in the hall dumbstruck as he scurried to class. The shouts of everyone watching were lost to my ears. I was so gonna get him later for this.

#heeseung #lee heeseung #heeseung x reader #enhypen #enhypen heeseung #enhypen x reader #enhypen fluff #enhypen angst #heeseung fluff #heeseung angst #enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen x gender neutral reader #enhypen x you #heeseung enhypen #my writing #Not as a Friend

[volexis]

my favorite ghost; sakusa x gn!reader

summary: sakusa loved you, and he was sure you loved him too. over time he’s come to know love is fickle, always ready to dissipate at the drop of a hat or the proposition of one all-important question.

warnings: fluff to angst, implied break-up, mentions of past relationships, proposals

wc: 1.6k

note: general taglist is open, send an ask or fill out my form to be added!

a/n: here's some angst since it's my birthday today! i've had this drafted for months now, i tried something new here so it took me a while to actually gather the courage to post it but yeah this was the fic idea from a poll i made like a billion years ago!

Sakusa didn’t expect to enjoy his mornings with you, nor did he expect them to become his favorite part of the day. No matter how the night started, by the time sunlight streamed through the windows, he’d always find you encased in his arms. On the days he woke up before you, which tended to be a more common occurrence, he’d take the time to really look at you. He’d take in the unusual sort of gentleness that consumed your generally placid features. Sometimes, he’d catch a thinly veiled smile on your lips and wonder what you were dreaming about to have given you that grin. Most of the time, he’d leave the bed before you could open your eyes. Before he could cave in and take the chance to ghost his lips over yours. Today wasn’t one of those days. You stared back at Sakusa as he all but jumped away from you in his fright, half-embarrassed to have been caught looking at you so unabashedly.

Before you could open your mouth and ask the undoubtedly teasing question that rested on your lips, Sakusa asked a question of his own.

“Are you busy this Friday?”

You blinked owlishly at your boyfriend and quirked an eyebrow. “Well, good morning to you too,” you whispered into the air between the two of you, voice slightly hoarse and threaded with remnants of sleep.

“Good morning, my love,” he relented after making a point to exaggeratedly roll his eyes, but not before pressing a quick kiss to your cheek. “You still haven’t answered my question, though.”

At his words, your eyes lost the playful glint they carried. Whatever caused the shift strung a weight in his chest and made his stomach plummet.

“I don’t think I am. What’re you planning?”

You paired your words with a desperately bright grin. Sakusa said nothing and sent you a cheeky smile of his own, hoping it was enough to mask the sudden sting of fear in his heart. He rolled out of your shared bed, chuckling lightly as your indignant protests followed him out of the room. He never revealed his plans, no matter how much you tried to trick him in the days that followed. He always chose to send you a ridiculously charming grin in response and promising that you’d know soon.

Sakusa was unbearably obvious, in his eyes at least. He’d never say it outright; the words weighed far too heavy in his mouth to ever escape. The way his eyes trailed your figure with a sickeningly saccharine fondness spoke volumes in his stead. Fortunately for him, you were oblivious to the way your boyfriend radiated absolute adoration in your presence. Though not everyone else was.

“So, Omi-kun, when’s the wedding? Seeing you all so lovey-dovey is making me sick." Atsumu mimed a nauseous expression, grinning at his teammate’s callous, unimpressed glare.

“First of all, my romantic engagements are none of your business, and second," he paused to riffle through his gym bag, lifting his prize for the blond to see. “You wouldn’t have been invited to the wedding, anyways.”

Atsumu’s eyes widened as he blinked slowly, momentarily stunned. A smug grin split his face as he wolf-whistled.

“Congrats, Omi Omi, I didn’t think you had it in ya.” He clapped his back, much to the annoyance of the former, before leaving the changing room.

The blond’s words left a sour, indignant taste in Sakusa’s mouth. He was not the type to lack courage given his silent yet almost teasing demeanor, but the tiny box in his pocket haunted him. It sent anxiety spiking through his nerves every time you reached too close, breached his most climacteric secret. Yes, Sakusa had plenty of bravery and will, but he lacked one thing. Patience.

“Where are you taking me?” You lightly tug at the cloth that covered your eyes, laughing as he immediately swats your hands from the blindfold in response.

“You’ll see when we get there,” came an obnoxiously indifferent reply from somewhere up ahead. You could feel the smirk on Sakusa's lips without having to look. His dodgy words did nothing to quell the swirling butterflies swarming your stomach. Nor how they fluttered in time with every exhilarated beat of your heart. His hands felt far too warm in yours as he guided you through an undisclosed area. You vaguely hear what could’ve been a car in the distance, the familiar noise prompting more questions than answers.

“We’re here,” he whispered into your ear, lips dangerously close. Your skin prickled deliciously with embarrassment, but you chose to ignore the feeling to take off the dark fabric tied over your eyes.

Before you lay a quaint picnic blanket nestled between broad trees. Thin lights were strung on its branches, illuminating the modestly charming set-up beneath them. Assorted snacks were carefully placed on the blanket with enough space to comfortably sit and eat.

“You mentioned a while ago that you’ve always wanted to go on a picnic. So, I thought now’s a good time as any.”

His words were quiet and surprisingly bashful. You couldn’t help but smile as you pull him down to sit with you, quickly reaching for whichever treat caught your eye.

Sakusa sat before you, methodically fiddling with the worn lining of his jacket. The ring burns a hole in his pocket, weighing down on his heart and sending anxiety creeping up his throat. He couldn’t do anything but smile as you rambled, seemingly unbothered by his lack of participation.

Was now a good time? Would there ever be a good time? He worked his hand into his pocket and fiddled with the ring. Flipping its box open and shut with every thought that streamlined through his mind. The box tumbled out of his jacket before he could make a choice, landing on a platter between the two of you. Your words quieted at the sight of it as you stared at it, then at him.

“This… this isn’t exactly how I planned it, how I planned to propose to you,” Sakusa spoke up before you could. He picked up the box from where it lay and gathered himself into a semblance of a kneel, the best he could do while on the filmy, slippery blanket.

“I wanted to take you to that restaurant you like first, buy you flowers, walk through the streets as the sky darkens. Take you to your favorite park, the one where we met, and then I’d propose. I wanted nothing less than perfection because you mean the world to me. Before I met you, I never really understood what it meant to love so fiercely you’d give the world, paint the sky, wring the stars, just to see them smile. Now, I know what it’s like to love someone with everything that I am. You’re everything I could ever want, everything I’ve longed for, and infinitely more. I love you more than words could ever possibly dream of encompassing. Anything I say would pale in comparison. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life making you as happy as you make me if you let me.”

His voice faltered, the tear-stained smile stretched on his lips mirroring your own. When did he start crying? When had you started crying? It didn’t matter, not really. You were and will always be the most beautiful person Sakusa has ever known, regardless of how you look.

“So please, tell me you’ll say yes.”

You couldn’t trust your voice, not with the way tears freely coursed down your cheeks and into your mouth every time you tried to speak. You nodded, laughing softly at the relieved grin on his face once you slipped the ring onto your finger. Sakusa’s eyes softened as he reached to cup your cheeks and pull you in to press a kiss to your nose, cheekbone, wherever he landed first. He chuckled into your lips as you fisted his shirt and pulled him even closer. His eyes fluttered shut at the taste of sparkly citrus and the feeling of your tongue swiping against his.

Honeyed lips on his melted into the ardent warmth of sunlight, breathing kisses on his skin. Sakusa never expected he would have to get used to mornings without you, longing for your touch. Coming to terms with the gut-wrenching reminder that it was nothing but a dream. It was the gleaming proposal he longed for. The one he wished he could’ve given you instead of hushed, awkward confession whispered into the night while he held a ring between shaking fingers. It’s no wonder you said no. The look in your eyes was sickeningly sorrowful, almost apologetic. It reminded him he would never be enough for you.

Your face now seemed turbid at best, glossed over and all but forgotten in the balmy morning haze. Sakusa wished he could forget you, what you were, what the two of you had together. The ring still sits heavy on his nightstand. Next to his clock, next to where a framed picture of your wedding should have been.

Sakusa could never hate you for it. If his love were enough, you’d still be here with him. The fact was glaringly obvious, at least in his eyes. Your presence never fades, not with the weaning sunlight or the occasional breeze that rushes along. It’s phantasmic in the way it lingers sweetly yet heaves a bitter taste onto his tongue all the same. Your memory, everything about you, would always be his favorite ghost.

© all content belongs to volexis 2020-2021, do not repost or reproduce onto any socmed platform. do no plagiarize and or copy the aforementioned content

#hqcorenet #haikyuu #sakusa kyoomi x reader #sakusa x reader #haikyuu x reader #sakusa fluff #sakusa angst #sakusa #sakusa kiyoomi #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu angst #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu imagines #e: writes #elle uses queue

[morosemagick]

You, My Everything | Finan x Reader OS

This is a Sequel to This Prompt: You Deserved Better, But So Did I.

Warnings: Blood. Pregnancy

Words: 1688

Tagged:

@magravenwrites @solinarimoon @webreathfandoms @emilyhufflepufftlk @obipoelover @thebohemianpenguin @lalahmaria @axe-does-writing @lauwrite1225

You should’ve told him about the baby.

It was there, on your lips, almost every day you knew for the first month. You weren’t even showing, there was no way he’d find out on his own. All you had to do was say the words, I’m with child, and maybe he would’ve stayed. Maybe he would have loved you. Married you.

Anything would have been better than this.. than being alone.

It hurts to be alone, like this. More than you've ever thought it would. You always thought this was how you ended up anyway. Alone with no one to love you… but then, you met Finan.

What started off as an alehouse romance turned into… well, romance.

He was kind. Kinder than any man you have ever met. Finan was so extraordinarily caring and affectionate. Bringing you flowers, walking you home, the way he would fuck you so hard he once broke your bed-

It was everything.

You thought it was love.

Apparently, not.

The night you broke it off you originally wanted to tell him the truth. You were going to tell him about the child, how you loved him so much and that the idea of having a family with him once made your heart sing, but then he told you he was leaving. It hadn't been the first time he had gone to war since this thing started between you, but the fear of losing him on the battlefield while alone with his child was unbearable.

So you broke it off, thinking it was the best thing and it was far from it.

You don't know what made you think you'd be able to find some sucker that you could trick into marrying you and that you were carrying their child but you tried.

Yet every time you imagined someone else raising this child with you, you realized you were making a terrible mistake.

When you are three months, you start to show. It was small, like you had overeaten, but it was there. On your saddest days, you held your little belly and promised the child growing inside you that you would always love them. That you would never leave them. It makes those bad days a little easier.

Then at four months, you're a little bigger and it's harder to hide. People in Coccham know you're unwed. You feel their eyes judging you as you walk from your job at the alehouse back to your home. It does not matter, though, because you will do everything you can to give this child the world.

As you reach your home, you go to open your door and you realize it's cracked open a touch. It scares you, making you pull out a small dagger that Finan gave you long ago for protection.

Very slowly, you walk inside, calling out to whoever may be there, "I know someone's in here! You need to leave, or I will be forced to hurt you!"

"I doubt you can hurt me anymore than ya have," A familiar Irish accent chuckles and your heart stops, "but you're welcome to try."

"Finan?" You're jaw drops when he walks into your main living space from your bedroom, and you realize he's covered in blood and holding his arm, "What happened to you?"

"Bastard Danes got me good," Finan chuckles as you take a step closer to him, "but you should see the other guy."

"Why are you here?" You ask, stupidly, scared your words will scare him away, "Why come to me?"

Tired eyes scan across the room before making their back to you, and his shoulders raise in a shrug, "I am not sure. This is where my feet have taken me."

You take another step, not sure if you're saying or doing the right things, "After everything I said," you chuckle under your breath, licking your dry lips, "I am still your first stop when you come home."

"Maybe my feet still think this is their home," Finan chuckles softly making you smile.

He's panting by the time you're in arms reach. You're trying really hard to keep it together, but seeing him all beat up like this worries you, "Let me clean you up, at least," you tell him, reaching out to touch his bloody face slowly. The moment he melts into your touch, your eyes start to tear up, "I'll take care of you."

Finan nods, his eyes glancing down until he finally notices your belly, "You're with child?"

When he looks up his face looks more hurt than it did before, "Yes, it's-"

"I should leave... before your husband gets home," He tells you as he attempts to walk past you, but you grab his arm to stop him from going, "Y/N, I shouldn't have come-"

"I am not married," You tell Finan as glances back at you, "Please… stay. I'll tell you everything."

"What is there left to say?" Finan questions you as his eyes become red, "You carry another man's child."

Now it's your turn for your eyes to go red and blurry as you furiously shake your head no, "The child is yours."

Finan looks betrayed as he slips his arm from your hand, "You told me to leave…"

"I did-"

"You said you wanted another!"

"I lied!" You cry out as the tears fall fast, "I lied Finan, I do not want anyone else!" You hold your belly for comfort, because it is all you have to hold, and you tell him the truth, "You are my everything. I may not deserve your love.. but you will always have mine."

He glances away and takes a deep breath as he tries to process everything you've told him, "Why did you tell me not to return if you say you love me?"

"Because I am a coward," You shrug as the tears keep coming, "because for three years this was only sex and then one day I woke up and I realized I loved you, and I was so convinced if I told you.. you would not feel the same," Your eyes close for a moment as you take a deep breath, and open when you say, "I should've told you about the child. I was going to, and then you told me that you were leaving. I was scared and a coward, and I am sorry."

Finan just stares for a moment or two, looking at you, and then away as silent tears run down his bloodied cheeks. It takes him a few moments, to process, and part of you thinks he's definitely going to leave you. When he does finally look forward, he does not look at you, but at your belly, "This is our child?"

His hands reach out to cup your protruding bump as you respond, "It is."

It does not bother you when dirty hands drift from your belly to your waist, closing the gap between you as you melt into each other's arms. He holds you and it feels so good. Completely unbothered by the dirt and blood.

"I betrayed your trust," You whisper as your arms wrap around his neck and you bury your head into his shoulder, "I'm so sorry."

"It is my fault, Y/N," He answers with a soft voice, still not ready to let go "I should have never given up so easily."

"I told you to go…"

"I should have never left," Finan pulls his upper half away so he can look you in the eye, "Not without telling you how much I loved you."

You hear the way he's said loved and knew he means no longer, "Will you take the child from me? Now that you know-"

"No, I would never," He shakes head, seemingly surprised by your response, "Why would I take my child from their mother?"

"Because I am an unwed woman with nothing to her name, carrying your bastard?" You shrug as the tears return and to your surprise, he chuckles.

"I will not take the child," Finan tells you with a smile, lifting one hand to wipe away your tears, "But we will have to do somethin' about you being unwed."

You look confused as he brushes a strand from your face, Finan's hand remaining on your neck once he's done, "I don't understand."

"I should have asked you this three years ago," Finan smiled softly as his next words fell out like a whisper, "Marry me, Y/N."

"You want me to- are you sure?" You question him, shocked as the tears build up once more, "But I do not deserve you after what I've done."

"We will work on fixin' this broken trust between us, but Y/N, you are all I will ever desire," Finan leans to kiss you, his eyelids lowering as he moves in, "and you are all I will ever need."

The kiss feels like a lifetime coming, you had no idea how much you missed his touch and taste until his mouth was on yours once more. You're pulling him as close as you can without hurting him or yourself, not ready to break it just yet.

And when you do, your next words will be ones you will live by for the rest of your life, "I spend the rest of my days proving my love to you."

"And I will never leave you lonely again," Finan promises you as he kisses you again, his hand on your waist moving back to your belly, "Neither of you."

And it's true. He is there for everything, every moment, from the rest of your pregnancy to the day you give birth. Finan is at your side as you bring your first son to life, and he is there for every birth for every child the two of you have throughout your marriage. And when he must leave to carry his oath and serve his lord, you do not fear, because you know he will do everything in his power to come home. It Is the promise he'll always fight to keep.

Finan, your husband.

Your everything.

#finan tlk #finan fanfic #finan x reader #tlk #the last kingdom #one shot #mcloveproductions #finan the agile

[scmoobly]

Sweet Melody | t.holland

Pairing: Tom Holland x Performer! Reader

Summary: Your new single was set to premier on the BBMA's, where supportive / Jealous boyfriend Tom makes an appearance

Content: fluff, lil angst and then back to fluff

A/N: So this is obviously inspired by Sweet Melody by Little Mix (Queens comeback with confetti 😳) So I'd suggest listening to it before reading this to feel the full effect. I'm quite new to Tumblr but I hope I'm doing this right OKAY ENJOY

Not proofread

Your hands were clammy and unbearable from the sweat that was starting to seriously become a nuisance at that point.

Heart Racing inside your chest, you were waiting for your turn to go up on-stage to perform "the newest hit" as Tom had described it even though he never actually heard the song. He was effortlessly supportive of you, respecting your space and work ethics which was one of the many things you adored about him. The thought of Tom sitting out there to cheer you on calmed you down.

You were in your dressing room, stylists making sure that nothing was a-miss and that you were all set for the show when a knock interrupted them. You walked over to the door, tugging it open to be greeted by Tom, clad in his Black blazer and white under shirt.

"Babe!" He grinned pulling you in by the waist and giving you a soft lingering kiss as he pressed a bouquet of your favourite flowers into your hands. "Tom!" You gushed smelling the flowers and smiling back up at him. "I wanted to come and say goodluck before you go on- and well, I couldn't wait to kiss you"

You could feel your stylists eyes on you so decided to keep it short and sweet.

"We'll aren't you the sweetest English Man I've ever met" "Really?" He asked as he leaned in slowly, a side smirk gracing his face.

You put your index finger up to his lips effectively stopping his movement and hoped he wouldn't feel too dejected. "If we're not counting Harrison of course" You attacked as Tom rolled his eyes and grabbed both of your cheeks with one hand, only slightly aggressively

"These Jokes are gonna get you in so much trouble Darling" Snaking your arms around his neck, you looked up at him challengingly. "Try me Love, I bite pretty rough myself" He took your hand in his and kissed the back of it as he retreated from the doorway, smirk never leaving his face. " I'll see you on stage babygirl"

He came to help calm your nerves. You looked down at the bundle of flowers in your hands and smiled.

Tom was always curious about what you'd be working on, especially if you intended to keep it a secret. You kept this one to yourself though. He had asked you about the song you'd be performing millions of times but you didn't give in. You wanted to see his raw reaction.

Taking in a deep breath you let the sound of the music drown out the nervousness as the beat gave you the signal to begin. You turned towards the audience in all your shining glory as you sang

"In a whole nother life, there was this boy that I knew.."

The crowd looked way bigger from upstage and you tried hard not to let it effect you, which was when you noticed the familiar mop of curls, hands high up in the air with that goofy grin on his face.

"I wasn't crazy 'bout the words. But the melodies were sweet"

Toms face contorted into one of confusion as he had attempted to pay more attention to the lyrics rather then the extremely sexy outfit and dance moves.

"And it went like do do do ro ro do..... He used to sing me sweet melodies! He played me! Made me believe me it was real love..."

The cheers were wild as the beat dropped and you could feel yourself gaining more and more confidence in your steps.

"...Sang me, Sweet Melodies. But the day he did me wrong the song couldn't go on and on and on"

After your performance you were hot and covered in sweat but too giddy to even care. A trail of compliments from crew members and backup dancers followed you all the way back to your dressing room.

You heard the the door close and lock sharply behind you making you look back to see none other then Tom Holland.

"Hey!" You giggled as you ran over to him and gave him a tight hug, which he returned not-so-tightly, however you were too excited to notice the dark air around him. "So, how was it?" You asked referring to the performance.

Tom gave you a small smile and kissed your forehead, knowing he shouldn't ruin this moment no matter how he was feeling. "You were Amazing" His arms found your hips once again, something he tended to do when he was feeling down or possessive. "Loved seeing every second of it"

"oh yeah?" You beamed, getting up on your toes and kissing his nose. "Yeah, not so much hearing it though" Tom continued

He went and did it. Tom knew he was being petty and mentally smacked himself for it.

"what?" Your eyebrows furrowed as your face backed away from his slightly. "Well- I just wasn't expecting this top-secret song you've been working on for months to be about someone else" His eyes fell to the ground, a bit disappointed in himself that he let his feelings slip when he should've been happy for you.

Tom knew about your ex. He was a guitarist and you were the voice to his tunes. That's how you two had gotten together in the first place. Tom had always felt like music was a barrier between you and him since he wasn't particularly musical. He felt like "just" an Actor, but you were a star. You were the pinnacle of his entire life. The thought of you thinking and writing about someone else put him on edge and it was starting to show more and more as the minutes passed.

A light laugh came from you, making him look back at you. "Tom, My love, You were listening, but I don't think you were really listening"

You smiled gently, meeting his eyes.

"He used to sing me sweet melodies"

You sang, no backup music, stage effects or spotlights. Just you and your angelic voice that Tom would drown himself in if he could've.

"He played me, made me believe it was real love"

He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead down to lay on your shoulders and he focused on every single word this time.

"Sang me, Sweet Melodies. But the day he did me wrong, the song couldn't go on and on and on"

Tom looked back up and pressed a kiss to your lips, his grasp on your hips tightening. "Don't you see Tom, you're not just a Melody. You are the entire song. I want to spend every note of my life with you. I want you to play on my radio till I run out of batteries" He chuckled, almost sniffling as he put his forehead against yours. "Darling, you know I'm bad at music theory, you're basically speaking a foreign language to me"

You both laughed heartily, holding onto each other as you did, the tension from before dissipating quickly in each other's arms.

"And who says I can't write a song about you lover boy" You smirked looking up at him and lightly flicking his nose to which he winced. "I'd have a lot to say"

"I'm holding you to that then" Tom smiled and pulled you against him to capture your lips in a deep kiss.

"oh by the way, do you think you can keep this outfit for- well, you know"

#tom holland x reader #tom holland #fanfic #ao3 #headcanons #imagines #music #tom holland x you #tom holland fluff #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland blurb #tom holland imagine #peter parker #marvel #spiderman #Spotify

[valeskakingdom]

Request

Could I request a part 3? Jerome keeps the reader as his hostage for popularity and attention. Reader is really fond of the attention she gets as well and eventually sleeps with Jerome again? In the end she sees how Galavan kills him and is really sad?

Here's part 4!!

Had to split it in two again...I'm sorry. Post the other half right after this one here!!

Gif credit: @bonniebirddoesgifs

Jerome x female reader (part 4)

Warnings: smut

Word count: 1877

*Days later*

Living with Jerome wasn't as bad as you actually thought. Yes, his possessiveness and always playing the boss annoyed you a lot but you've learned to ignore it.

You literally zoned everything out that made you feel uncomfortable or that annoyed you. And it worked. You were a lot calmer than before, you didn't start panicking immediately when Greenwood or Dobkins were staring at you. You stayed calm because sooner or later they would end up arguing with Jerome if he got aware of it because he hated people staring at you.

You even found 2 new friends: Tabitha and Barbara.

They both were kind to you and helped you how to defend yourself against all these strange lunatics. They treated you how to use a gun, how to fight with or without weapons. You weren't a pro but you got it fast.

It was just a little ordinary for you that they both kept fucking behind Theo's back but it didn't matter to you. You did that with Jerome as well, well, it was more or less behind Theo's back. You both weren't really quiet and you both did it pretty often...and the bites and marks on your neck were pretty obvious because your neck was full of it.

Right now, you were relaxing in your bed watching the news:

"Breaking News

Since a few days (Y/n) (Y/ln) will be missed. Her friend (Y/bff/n) (Y/bff/ln) told that she was about to visit them after watching the cruel claim the Maniax' shot caller Jerome Valeska was giving us. Her friend said she tried to call (Y/n) several times but she didn't pick up the phone. Her friend's afraid that either the Maniax have kidnapped or killed her.

If you see her or have an idea where (Y/n) (Y/ln) could be then please report to the GCPD. Every information can be useful!"

You turned the TV off.

You smirked for yourself. Yes, it sucked that you couldn't be with your friends not could you go out - but you loved this big amount of attention. You were the person peope were looking for. Everyone's eyes were on you as if you were a famous person.

Suddenly your door opened - Barbara.

"Hey darling- ugh, is Jerome still in the bathroom?" She sighed frowning "He should hurry up. Time is running!"

"Calm down Babs," you giggled a little "Wanna watch the news with me? I'm in the TV! My friend is missing me."

"Yeah, I've seen that already." She gave you a short smile "We just need to be careful now. Don't want cops chasing my ass."

"Understandable." You nodded "But...you know, somehow I like this attention. All eyes on me...I never really had that. I was just a simple girl, you could even call me a ghost because no one really noticed me...and now the whole city knows me because I just 'disappeared'. I feel famous and happy."

"Probably because you're famous, somewhat." Barbara gave you a grin flickering her tongue.

"May be, I just know I want more of it. I love being the head of missed people, and I love being the headline." you chuckled letting out a sigh in happiness.

"Wow, Jerome's really got a big effect on you, darling." Barbara scoffed.

"Why's that?"You frowned not understanding what she meant.

"Sweetie, days ago you've been the most anxious and shy girl amongst us. You were frightened by everything that was just moving...and look at you now. You're a smart, calm, sassy ass that reaches for fame - as he does." You both chuckled.

"I could tell you the same with Tabitha. She has to be a master in bed for calming you down after a stressed day. I mean, on the one you're bitching around and after Tabitha 'talks to you in private' at night, you're a sunshine in the next morning." I laughed loudly making Barbara blush.

"Says you! I think I don't need to remind you that the whole city can hear you." Barbara mocked with a laughter.

"At least just the city is hearing me." You laughed louder "I'm sorry, I had to."

"Hey ladies,"Jerome came out of the bathroom before Barbara could respond. He was   just wearing a claret gown, his hair was still wet from the shower "I see, we're in a good mood, doll, aren't we?"

"As always," you grinned "Just had a very nice conversation with Barbara."

"Yeah," Barbara grinned, it faded though as she faced Jerome "Now hurry up, ginger. We don't wanna be late." She left quick.

"She's a feisty one, I like that," Jerome just let out a sigh with a short grin closing the door "But I hate being bossed around. I am the boss!"

He made  his way to you slowly. Then he grabbed your hands pulling you fast out of the bed that you stood close to him. You immediately wrapped your arms around his neck while wrapped his around your waist.

You knew this rough undertone on him. He tried to be kind in front of you but actually he was pissed of being commanded - especially by a woman.

"I know and she does, too. She doesn't mean to be a bitch," You assured him with giving him a smile "She's just stressed. Probably needs a quick fuck or something to calm down."

"Hm," Jerome just hummed and shrugged, not really paying attention to what you were saying. Instead he grabbed your ass harshly pulling you close to him. You could feel his bulge growing against your leg "Talking about a quick fuck..."

Before you could even answer, Jerome pressed his lips against yours. His hands grabbed your cheeks and pressed your face even more against his to intense the kiss. His light chuckle in the kiss only made let you blush after you let out a little moan. He pressed his body against yours to close the gap between you two. Your lips parted this time to let his tongue explore your mouth and you couldn't help but moan as he slipped his tongue into your mouth fighting for dominance. You r hands wandered up tangling hour fingers into his hair, gripping and pulling his head further down, deepening the kiss.

He pressed you against the wall and slid a knee in the space separating your thighs to position his body between your legs. His hands gripped your ass lifting you up to wrap your legs around his waist. He lowered his head down to leave a bunch of wet kisses on your neck, you pulled him in closer with your hands and bit your lip in arousal. He licked and bit at the soft skin of your neck, leaving his mark there making you gasp. His lips found yours again and once more.

Your shirt was ripped apart from your body by his eagerness to fuck you and he could feel a strip of your bare skin against his. You arched up into him more and suddenly your hands left his head so that you could the knot of his gown. You shove the gown down from his body, now he stood naked in front of you; his errection was strongly pressed against your crotch.

He unclasped your bra hastily and without pulling away from your mouth he tossed it across the room. With your bare breasts against his chest, you felt a rush of heat slowly spread throughout your body.

You tightened your legs around his waist and pressed him even more against your body. You became horny from the wild make out session; you wanted him right here, right now.

His hand reached down and shoved the button of your pants through its hole impatiently. Eagerness was written in his face. He couldn't wait anymore to finally inset his hard member into you, feel the warm and wet walls on his skin, making you moan and scream his name until you cum.

He slid his hands down to your panties, ripping it off from your legs and throwing it behind him. He moaned quietly when he felt just how hot and wet you were for him. You didn't want to wait any longer and neither did he, it was becoming unbearable. You both wanted, even needed pleasure to be satisfied.

Instantly and without any kind of hesitation, he shove his member into your wet entrance. You let out a gasp followed by a moan, your body stretching to accommodate him.

He slowly pulled out before thrusting back in with a sharp snap of his hips.

Your whole body felt weak with every thrust he did into you as every time you had sex with him. You were completely understand his control, he could do everything with you. Your body shivered slightly through this pleasure he was giving you. Every thrust hurt more, each of your moans became louder, Jerome became faster. Your head was dug into the crook of his neck, your nails were dug into his shoulders leaving marks while you tried to adjust just fast pace and the pleasure.

"Oh God, Jerome!" You cried out loud while scratching his whole back down.

You felt his nails were dug deeper in your ass and his grunts made you shiver in pleasure with every thrust. And again he drilled his long hard member into you making sure he hit your g spot every time he entered your cunt.

He loved hearing you moan, you say he was addicted to it. You moans were giving him chills, aroused him. He couldn't get enough of it. If he could he would fuck you non stop, just to hear all these sweet moans of yours.

You moaned louder as he speeded up. You were hot and tight around him, you heard him swearing with a moan as he felt your walls clenchinh more on his member.

He groaned your name out quietly and you responded by rocking your hips up to give him all the pleasure he needed now.

You bit your lower lip nervously as a knot was built in your abdomen - you knew you were close. You moaned uncontrollably caused by all the pleasure which didn't even give you the chance to hold anything back - you really couldn't as hard as you tried to. You couldn't handle it all. It was too much for your body. You legs started to shake with each of Jerome's thrusts.

Gripping onto his back tighter, you buried your face in the crook of his neck to stifle your cry as you came all over him without any warning. He gasped lowly as you covered him in your tight and warm wetness. Your legs were twitching and your chest heaving. He thrust his hips several more times until he couldn't hold back any more, releasing into you. A soft moan escaped your lips upon the contact, you held him close and kept your head underneath his neck, breathing heavily with him.

"Didn't know you needed it that much right now." You said under gasps still trying to calm down from your high.

"Dont think I'm done with you, doll," Jerome grinned "I just wanted to let you breathe"

#dc #dcmultiverse #gotham #jerome valeska #dc villains #dc villian #gotham city #gotham fandom #gotham jerome valeska #jerome valeska x reader #cameronmonaghan #cameron monaghan x reader #cameron monaghan #jerome valeska fandom #jerome x reader #jerome valeska x you #gotham series #gotham x reader #gotham fanfic #dc universe #oneshots #oneshot #request

[many-gay-magpies]

@loabivey @honeyseungz @angelhee @ofaffectionate @yixiangs @cherry-riki

so uh. heyyy <3

pt 2 (technically pt 1 because it happens before) of blood bonds is here!! tagging everyone that i tagged for blood bonds (except for kyu </3) bcs why not

i'm not 100% on this, but that's mostly because i've been staring at it for a week, and y'all haven't, so i hope that you'll enjoy it thoroughly more than i do

wc: 1.7k, tw for blood, blood-sucking, death and mentions of death, and vague descriptions of a car crash. same as the last one pretty much, let me know if there's anything i missed!

that being said, have some bloodlust.

It's a scent that stops him in the middle of the street, blaring alarms through every inch of his body—thick and sweet, intoxicating, like the richest chocolates and tenderest meats. For a second, it brings him back to his days in the castle; feasts coating tables upon tables in every decadence he could imagine. He hasn't felt that kind of indulgence in a long time.

Jungwon is immediately aware of his instincts overcoming him; he knows what the smell is, he's smelled it coming off the other boys enough times to be familiar with it. But not this strong. Never this strong.

His head swims. Stars cloud his vision, and yet everything is ten times brighter, more crisp; his senses sharpened, sensitivity heightened. Jungwon battles with himself for a moment, there, on the side of the road, watching the car with the contents of it's driver's seat smelling so delectably like food as it drives by; no, no, don't give in, don't succumb, you've made it so far already, just hold on a little bit longer—but the gut-wrenching hunger inside him is like none he's ever faced before.

It tears at him, the unbearable hunger, the emptiness; twists his insides into knots and makes him double over against the brick wall beside him. He doesn't want to give in, doesn't want to take, doesn't want to hurt—but he's so, so hungry, and it smells so, so good and he just can't take it anymore. It's a kind of longing that burns him from the inside out, and maybe... maybe it wouldn't hurt, to... to give in, just this once.

He's hungry. He needs food. Really, when he thinks about it for long enough, rationalizes it in his mind, that's all there is to it. Lions don't feel bad when they hunt gazelle, do they?

(Something is different here, though. Lions, unlike vampires, will stop. Lack of food will make their body grow cold, their energy sapped until there is nothing left; they grow tired, bodies moving slower and slower, until they breath their last breath. Vampires do not. Vampires will not stop. The hunger depletes them, eats at them, and then when it can eat no more it consumes them completely—writhing black hole taken ghastly, human shape. Death evades them, and so they become death in it's place—emptiness so great it would eat the whole world if it could.)

So, with his resolve melting as his hunger rages, Jungwon presses onward—taking advantage of the scenery's sudden clarity to slink towards the moving car at a truly frightening pace. Plus, it could be... fun, he finds himself thinking; fun, to play around a bit, see how much fear he can truly instill. In the past, Jay and Sunghoon's jokes to Sunoo to "not play with his food" when me mentioned spooking his victims the tiniest bit before feeding had left Jungwon feeling sick to his stomach—but now, the idea doesn't seem so bad.

A voice in Jungwon's head (the more logical Jungwon; the one that isn't starving, the one that's still on the edge of rational) tells him, you're being stupid, as he throws caution to the wind and teleports directly in front of the car. Someone could see you, do you even have any idea what you're doing? But the voice of hunger rises above all others, and Jungwon, smirking at the screech of tires on asphalt as the car skids to a stop in front of him, tells the voice, it's dark out, and we're in an abandoned part of the city; who, really, do you think could see us?

The voice protests, but the drone of Jungwon's hunger drowns it out. He feels cool metal on the palms of his hands, hears the metallic clang of his boots against the car's hood. The trembling of the man inside tinges his nerves with delight.

He raises his finger to his lips in a single gesture, shhh, and wonders if his eyes gleam red.

Thoughts run one by one through his mind, though they are fleeting, like mice; skittering into the darkness as soon as he catches sight of them. He should have listened to the hyungs, he should have been more careful, he shouldn't have waited this long—he knows the consequences of vampires going too long without blood from Sunghoon's stories, how could he have been so stupid?

But it all fades, irrelevant, in face of what sits before him now—food. A meal. Satiation, finally, an end to his hunger. He can feel his conscience slipping away more and more as the moments pass, the little Jungwon in his head letting go of it's logic.

It is with this quieting of the rational voice and sudden booming of the instinctual one that Jungwon teleports himself to the back seat of the man's car. It doesn't take long for him to be noticed—even the lack of his reflection in the rear view mirror cannot disguise the creak of expensive leather and the sigh he lets out.

"Jesus Christ--" the man nearly shouts, car jolting forward as he slams on the breaks. Jungwon doesn't flinch. He turns to look over his shoulder and meets an unblinking vermillion stare. "W-what the hell are you, kid?"

"Go on, guess," he says, brow raised. "I have all night."

Though even as he speaks, Jungwon knows the statement is a lie—he's the closest to the man, the closest to a human he's ever been since turning, no plexiglass or metal barrier between them—the smell of the man's racing heart and pumping blood chokes his senses like smoke, so thick he can barely breath. Jungwon doesn't know how long he'll be able to hold out—but he can feel how the seconds tick by, as if there's a pocket watch embedded in his skull. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

Agonizing. Even so, Jungwon delights in the fear, the rabbit-quick pace of the man's heart. Equally as amused as he is overwhelmed, he decides that quickening it a little more won't hurt, and smirks, doing well to lick over his fangs in perfect line with the man's eyesight.

"Shit--" Eyes widen comically, and breath grows shaky with the reckless fumbling at car door handles in an effort to escape, pure, cold fear jolting through bones and bringing goosebumps to unsettled skin. It's useless, though; because all the doors lock, jammed shut, and the most he can do is huddle as close to the door as he can, as far away as possible from the boy with glowing eyes suddenly perched in his passenger seat.

"Surprised?" Jungwon asks with a grin.

The man gulps. "Th-this isn't happening," he mumbles, eyes focussed somewhere off in space, past Jungwon. "This can't be happening to me. This... this is impossible."

"Oh, it's very possible," hums Jungwon. "You'd be surprised to find out how much is." And he smirks wide again. He probably looks like a madman, but he doesn't care. He can taste the man's blood on the air.

"Please, don't kill me," he whispers. "W-whatever it is you want, I'll do it, just-- I don't wanna die. Please."

Any other day, the pleading would have gotten to him—any other day, Jungwon would have cried and screamed and torn at his own skin at the prospect of ever killing anyone, let alone drinking from them. But now, the logical him (the human him, he thinks for a moment) has been tucked into the deepest recesses of his mind, and the sound is like music to his ears.

"H-have mercy," the man stutters quietly.

Jungwon tilts his head. Mercy? a voice in his head whispers. It is a voice he hardly sees himself in, and yet it consumes him completely. There is no mercy. You are only prey.

It's funny how suddenly it hits him—how long he's waited for this, and how he can't stand to wait a second more. Faster than lightning Jungwon blinks on top of the man, pinning him down; the protests (physical as well as verbal) make no difference to him. He searches for a carotid artery with shaking fingers and, once he finds it, sinks his teeth in with a groan.

The car swerves in a panic, and the sound of it crashing into a streetlight is a distant ringing in Jungwon's mind. Everything is muffled, as if he's been thrust underwater, and he might as well have, with the way the smell and taste of blood blooms around him, inside him. He feels himself wanting more, needing more, craving more, the hunger never-ending as he sinks his teeth even further into his victim's neck.

Nothing else matters in that moment, and he knows, now, he knows what the others were talking about—how good it feels to feed when you've starved for so long.

His victim loses consciousness soon after that, but still Jungwon drinks. He can't find it in him to stop—it tastes so, so good and he's still so, so hungry, and it seems his hunger only grows the more he feeds; every bit of blood he drains, the sickness and lethargy drains away with it, leaving a hunger larger than he had known behind. Eyes closed, the world spins around him, and Jungwon can feel himself slowly revitalizing as he drinks, and drinks, and drinks, and drinks.

Jungwon loses track of time the longer he sits there.

The hunger is less ravaging, now, only a low growl in the back of his throat; and soon it peters out entirely. The body under him has grown cold—it's warmth taking new ownership. He feels the stolen blood and pulse humming under his skin.

There is plenty to worry about, he knows—plenty things he should, realistically, care more about than he does. But for the life of him he can't pick out what they are, buried beneath layers of cotton he doesn't care to reach through.

His mind is heavy with fullness, and heavy with sleep, and for the second time that day a little voice in the corner of it urges him to just give in—so he does.

#magpie writes #magpie's writing adventures #enhypen fanfiction #enhaverse fanfiction #enhaverse writing #enhaverse #enha theories #gay yearning #bloodlust

[mandoalorian]

The Way of Betrayal [Din Djarin x Reader]

Summary: Din Djarin finally meets other Mandalorians, and he learns the truth about his creed. Confused and hurting, he begins to over think, and so it's your job to comfort the Mandalorian and promise him that you'll love him no matter who he is or where he comes from

Word count: 1.6k

Warnings: none really, a little bit of guilt and anxiety I suppose.

Authors note: I know I always write a smut based around the new episode but.. as a TCW/Rebels fan, chapter eleven hit hard. I had been theorising about Din being a Death Watch foundling on my twitter literally since season one came out and now that it's been confirmed… my feelings are all over the place. So I knocked up this fluff/angst. It's a little painful but let's preserve.

~ gif by firedragon04

When the leader of Clan Kryze, Bo Katan, removed her helmet, it came as a surprise to you. You couldn't even imagine how it made Din feel. His whole body tensed up, shock coursing through his veins.

Waves crashed against the hull of the ship, the cold air stinging your skin as you nursed the child in your arms. You covered him in your cloak slightly, protecting him from any further attacks. You hushed him gently, rocking him up and down as his big dark eyes blinked up at you. You gently stroked the light white hairs on his little green head and he gave you a tired smile. "You're okay, little one." you whispered out as he settled in your arms.

It wasn't just Bo Katan, but stood by her side were two other Mandalorians, both helmetless. You half expected Din to remove his helmet, despite you knowing that it was against the code of his creed. You were baffled, to say the least. You and your boyfriend were now stood before three Mandalorians, each one helmetless. Of course, there could be a chance that they weren't Mandalorian at all; and that their armour was stolen. It seemed as though Din shared the same thought process as you.

"Where did you get that Mandalorian armour?" he gritted out. "Nobody is allowed to remove their helmet."

"Oh, he's one of those." Said the girl with dark hair, bitterness dripping from her tongue.

Din didn't move an inch, his fingers cautiously gliding over the blaster in his holster. You didn't like her attitude, or the way she spoke to Din. You wanted to rip that smirk from her lips; but you knew that acting irrationally would only get you and your Mando in more trouble than necessary.

"One of what." Din's question came out as a more gruff statement, anger bubbling up in the pit of his stomach. He didn't have time for games.

Bo Katan hesitated for a moment, her amber eyes becoming glossy as traumatic memories swarmed over her. "Death Watch," she tried to remain composed but her explanation came out as a shaky exhale. "You were a foundling of the Death Watch. They're traditionalists, trying to rebuild the way of Mandalore so it remains the way it was intended to. They're a violent faction of Mandalorians. Your creed are responsible for the death of many Mandalorians, including my sister, Duchess Satine of Mandalore."

You knew of this. You had heard of this before. The prolonged silence was unbearable and you decided to speak up. Din was clearly struggling to process Bo Katan's words.

"We don't know what you're talking about," You sighed. "We have been tasked to bring this little one to the Jedi. We've come from far away places, just for some intel. Just to find you. Outer rim to inner rim. We need help."

"You really don't get it, do you?" Bo Katan frowned. Din remained silent and your grip tightened around the child as you took a step forward, breaking any distance between you and the red headed Mandalorian.

"Can you help us?" You asked finally, not wanting Bo Katan to expel any more information that could confuse or hurt Din. You knew he couldn't bear to hear the words that Bo Katan spoke, and to you, it didn't matter anyway.

You had heard of the Death Watch; but your father had always told you it was an ancient folk tale during the Clone Wars. He told you of clan leader Pre Vizsla and how he worked with Darth Maul to overthrow Duchess Satine. And now you were learning that it could all be true, and that your Mando could be part of it. You wondered how much Din knew about it.

Despite all of this, it was something you could see past. You knew Din better than anyone else in the whole world. You knew that he is not capable of Death Watch crimes. You could never judge him for his creed.

"We can help you. I know of… a Jedi…" Bo Katan folded her strong arms over her chest. "But you need to help us first. I'm looking for a certain Mandalorian weapon and I've received word that it's in the hands of an Ex-Imp. There's an Imperial transport leaving docking bay 94 at dawn and we plan on scavenging it for at least information on the weapon. Your help would be greatly appreciated."

Din loosened up, finally moving his gaze from the floor, back to Bo-Katan. For a moment and looked down at you, holding his garbling child in your arms. You and the child were his life, and he hated leaving you both. Since met you, he found himself caring more about you and the child, than he did himself. Mandalorian's are taught to be selfish, but you taught him compassion and love, something he valued a lot more. He was your protector. His mind returned back to Bo Katan's plot and he didn't like the sounds of it. He knew this would be a Mandalorian only mission, and that you wouldn't be able to join him.

The Razor Crest was in bits, and every native Din had already encountered had tried to kill him for his beskar, or kidnap you, or drown the child for shark food. There was no safe place you could stay. Sure, you were strong, but Din needed the confidence that he could protect you. He didn't want to leave your side.

"I'll consider it." Din replied and you knotted your eyebrows together in bewilderment. He wasn't sure if he could go through with the mission if it meant leaving you and the child behind. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to return the child to the Jedi; but he was quested to do so by his creed. The same creed he now learnt were Mandalorian terrorists during the Clone Wars.

"You know where to find us," Bo Katan smiled politely. "This is the way." she said before the three Mandalorians put their helmets back on and jetted off the ship and into the velvety night sky.

"What do you mean, consider it?" You asked Din, dropping a hand to your hip. "You've come this far. This could be your only chance to find the Jedi. You have to help them."

Din's knees felt weak, all this information was too much. The Mandalorian could handle a lot. He could survive a lot. But this was hard to take in. Your words were scrambled to him and with a wobble he fell backwards into a box of crates. You gently placed the child down and ran towards him, grabbing his hand and pulling him up, sitting him on an extended plank of wood. "Are you okay?" you asked, concern filling your eyes.

"Nngh, I don't know. I don't know if I can trust them." Din admitted, looking into the ocean. You slipped your hands into Din's and began to rub comforting circles through his gloved fingers.

"I've heard stories about Clan Kryze… and Duchess Satine. I've heard of the invasion of Mandalore, and all about Death Watch. They… they've done bad things to a lot of people." You felt Dins hand tense up at your words. "But that doesn't mean you're a bad person. I think it just means we can trust her."

Din looked at you. "They… they removed their helmets. All this time I've been telling you I can't but maybe I've been wrong."

"I don't care what they look like under their helmets. I don't care what you look like under yours. Because I fell in love with your heart, Din. And if you still don't want to remove your helmet, then I respect that."

"I feel so foolish." Din admitted and you shook your head. You sighed, leaning into him and curling up on his lap. The child clambered up his knees and shuffled in between you two for comfort. "Look cyar’ika, our little family." Din hummed with delight, running a gloved finger through your hair. "Promise me, no matter what, no matter who I am or where I come from, you won't leave me."

"I promise Din."

"Because I don't think I can live without you, sweet girl," Din croaked out, his heart breaking at the mere thought of losing you. "I wish I could take my helmet off for you and the kid. I wish I could show you who I really am."

You cupped the curve of his beskar helmet and looked into his visor. "I know who you really are Din, and I love you for it. Whatever happens next, we will figure it out together."

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#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #din djarin #the mandalorian #star wars #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian season 2 spoilers #the mandalorian season 2 #din djarin x reader #bo katan