#(by the way the “” throughout this post are not meant to like?? invalidate the term?? just like to emphasize that we're talking about the

[ardent-apostasy]

came across some cultural christianity discourse, so just a few (rather disorganized) thoughts from one (1) ex-christian's pov:

gonna start off by saying i do understand the idea of cultural christianity and the need for a term to encompass it. and it's definitely kind of uncomfortable, but like, a term for the concept needs to exist.

(i think part of the issue comes from "cultural christianity" or "christian culture" coming off differently than "cultural christian" or "christian atheist". "cultural christianity" addresses a culture. "cultural christian" addresses a person -- and i think that's what makes ex-christians get defensive.)

i think there's an element of shame to feeling like you belong to a different culture than the one you feel like you were supposed to?

i bring up this idea because i'm ethnically chinese, but i was raised in north america. my relatives call me a banana, because i'm "yellow on the outside but white on the inside". and like, there's nothing really wrong with that. it's the truth, and none of it is my fault. but it always feels shameful, anyways -- like i've failed my ancestors and i've failed the community that raised me. like i'll never be white enough and i'll never be chinese enough.

(and i have thought about it maybe being because of sorta white guilt over north america's shitty history, maybe wishing my culture wasn't built on another's bones. but then, china's hands are not clean by any stretch of the imagination. so it's not just that.)

i think another part of it is that "cultural christian" is, like, kind of an insult in many christian circles. (definitely dates back to at least 2011, idk if it goes further. idk if that predates the tumblr discourse or not.) it's a way for christians to tear town other christians for not being "christian enough". for some ex-christians, "cultural christian" doesn't mean "raised in a society influenced by christianity", it means "lukewarm christian who's gonna get vomited up by jesus and turned away from heaven"

being lukewarm, many christians say, is worse than not believing at all. (kind of like judas, who jesus said would've been better off not being born at all.) being lukewarm is something many ex-christians spent their christian years being terrified of.

(i would argue that some of the persecution complex actually comes from that fear. because we're told all the time about the lukewarm christians who weren't strong enough to die for their faith. we were raised on the story of cassie, promising that if a gun was held to our heads, we would still profess the name of jesus christ. we were taught that if we were christian enough, then the world would hate us. so if the world didn't hate us -- if the world wasn't persecuting us -- then it had to be because we weren't good enough. but anyways the connection between lukewarm fear and persecution complex is a topic for another day.)

so i think in that sense a problem is that "cultural christianity" is a term with two competing meanings which are very much different from each other, one of which IS 100% intended as an insult. and the problem with "cultural christianity" in the way that it's used on tumblr is that if you google "cultural christianity", the results are about the christian pov on cultural christianity. that's always a recipe for miscommunication.

and one last sort of thought: many things that are kind of "culturally christian" are things that the church often doesn't approve of. like, giving gifts at christmas? it's not heresy, but you better make sure that the gift you're most thankful for is jesus dying on the cross for you. also, santa is almost definitely satan.

(interestingly, something like christmas gifts is probably one of the things where christians and non-christians will agree on what "cultural christianity" might mean. christians will say it's culturally christian because it's people who don't believe in christ but want gifts. non-christians will say it's culturally christian because, like, it's literally about the supposed birth of jesus?)

anyways, there's not really a point here. just wanted to bring up some points that i haven't really seen mentioned whenever i see the cultural christianity discourse, because i think they're important to understanding where the discourse stems from. (i like to think discourse isn't all just people bitching at each other for no reason. i like to think it stems from miscommunication because we don't understand each others' traumas and triggers. but then that might be too optimistic.)

#exvangelical #ex christian #ex fundie #apostate #religious trauma #<- not really on this post but i know it's relevant to a lot of ex-christian's feelings on “cultural christianity” as a term #(by the way the “” throughout this post are not meant to like?? invalidate the term?? just like to emphasize that we're talking about the #term and not necessarily always the concept?? esp because of the contradicting meanings that i mentioned in the post) #(and the inconsistency is because i'm a tired mess who honestly has forgotten how to grammar) #religious deconstruction #cultural christianity #christian hegemony #i really hope this makes some amount of sense

[awalkthroughiris]

U2’s The Joshua Tree

hi people! i have no idea what i'm doing but i wanted to post this before i forgot to hehe, i wrote this a little bit ago, but i wanted to share, i fully don't expect anyone to read this but if you do, let me know what you think! i'm so sorry if the formatting is weird, i've never used tumblr LOL.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Listening to U2’s The Joshua Tree for the first time,

randomly 1-2am on a Friday night.

I’m actively finishing the first track, Where the Streets Have No Name, as I’m writing this. I’m not sure why I’m here, or why I’m awake even, but here I am listening to my first U2 album. I’ve of course heard of U2 before, my parents have played their music throughout my childhood, but the only song I could name is With or Without You, and I honestly don’t even know 90% of that song. Recently, I’ve been listening to the band Inhaler, who’s frontman is Bono’s son, Elijah Hewson, and my parents heard me listening and nonstop talking about them, which in turn has become them telling me to listen to a U2 album. I don’t know why I’m deciding to listen now, but I feel like maybe I’ll have some cinematic existential revelation by listening to this album, but that’s the romantic in me talking.

Okay, about to start track 2 now, but I love track 1, it made me want to drive, somewhere where there’s an arch of trees with arms of sunlight reaching my face. Now that I’m thinking about it, that makes complete sense in terms of the lyrics lol. I guess the same message was conveyed musically as well.

The production of the second track, “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” is very pleasing to my ears. This song is distantly familiar to me, I can think of driving to Oregon in the summertime, venturing back roads and this song playing, maybe after Lovers in Japan by Coldplay played. As someone who believes in God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit, I can’t help but feel emotional while listening, but this could also be my nostalgic ties.

With this gentle emotional twist in my stomach, and the building of tears in my eyes, With or Without You has begun. My dad said recently how “emotionally evocative” this song is for him, and to be honest I didn’t and probably still don’t understand the way he meant it, but with the placement of this track in the album, I certainly can’t help but feel emotional. It’s giving me a similar feeling to the song A Real Hero in the context of the movie Drive did for me the first time I watched it. The lyrics are so simple yet I find there’s so many ideas and situations I can attach to them. I almost feel as if any interpretation I have would be invalid since I’m just a teenage girl, and a teenage girl who’s never even fallen in love or honestly had any remotely intense romantic feelings.

A switch in pace, Bullet the Blue Sky is playing. It’s easy to feel the angst in the lyrics, with the repetition in the drums and bass, it weirdly feels like slam poetry. This isn’t something I would typically listen to, but I definitely don’t mind it, the guitar break provided a nice amount of time to just, think.

Running to Stand Still’s intro reminded me of a Jeff Buckley cover, Lost Highway. It also makes me think of folk music. The way thoughts in folk music are expressed seemed to be some factor in the way the song is structured, honestly no idea whether that is intentional or not.

Red Hill Mining Town, took a turn I wasn’t expecting at all, I’m kinda grooving out though right now. “You I can’t live without”, since this is a first listen I don’t know the tie, but an allusion to With or Without You?? Oh my goodness, I totally recognize this song as well, the “I’m hanging on” that kicked in around 1:25 is something I recall. It’s weird how my brain hAnGs On to specific parts of these songs. I need to revisit this song after doing some research though because I have no idea what the commentary on this song is for.

There’s so much energy in In God’s Country, it’s refreshing. One of the things I notice with my music taste is that there’s a lack of creative percussion. Which I certainly don’t mind, but listening to music like this helps me understand how, for lack of better words, bland, the other songs can be percussion wise. I don’t have any context to who Bono is really, besides that he’s seemingly been painted as some sort of insufferable humanitarian, but the religion driven metaphors in the lyrics are very interesting.

Trip Through Your Wires might be my least favorite song sonically honestly. I don’t want to be mean, but it just isn’t my favorite. I’m not entirely sure what it’s reminding me of, but it gives me the feeling of an old western setting, which I find, not bland or empty, just not my cup of tea I guess. A complete sidenote though, I am DEFINITELY getting tired as it has hit 2am now.

I’m really liking One Tree Hill so far. One thing I’m really liking about this album, is the places it literally takes my mind to. I think I’m a very visual thinker, these songs evoke blurry pictures that are grounded in nature, images like running through tall grass or driving in some of my favorite places that remind me of my childhood. It feels pretentious to say “my childhood” when I’m 17, but I think it’s easy to understand what I mean. On another more relevant note, this song feels like its painting out an image of what absorbing life feels like: ambedo.

Although it might be the “weirdest” song on the album thus far, I’m enjoying the sonics of Exit. I like how bass heavy it is. Upon further inspection, because I had zero understanding to make of the lyrics, this song was made from the perspective of a serial killer, due to Bono’s reading of a novel. What I found creepily interesting however, was the fact that Robert Bardo used this song as part of his defense for stalking and murdering Rebecca Schaeffer. What I find especially creepy about this, is that I listened to a podcast about this case. An unsettling coincidence.

Continuing on in this unsettling feeling, Mothers of the Disappeared is a heart-wrenching tribute. I don’t think I have much to say about this one, because I have just learned the context to the song’s making and it’s just heartbreaking, I can’t even imagine what families went through. It’s a needed not-so-gentle reminder of what reality can be, and what it is for a lot of people. Its easy to forget that the horrors we hear of are actually real, at least this is the case for me, a girl who has lived in the same city her whole life and generally stays blissfully ignorant. A great finish to the album.

#music #80s rock #alternative #80s bands #aesthetic #grunge #lyrics #song lyrics #u2 band #blog #musician #jeff buckley #inhaler #inhaler dublin #elijah hewson #bono

[gentil-minou]

We need to stop using the term "sentimonsters"

Okay so for starters, if you're here and you want to tell me not to take this show or idea so seriously I'd ask if you respectfully ignore this post and go on with your day. This isn't for you, and that's cool. Consume your media the way you like, this is how I like to enjoy it.

The gist of this post is that words are powerful, but names are mightier than all else. So I want to explain why I think we, as a fandom, might want to consider not using the word sentimonster when we refer to them, especially as the sentiadrien, sentifelix, etc theories gain more traction and evidence.

One of the arguments I’ve seen people talk about why they dislike the theory is that it seems to make Adrien a character who isn’t human, who is considered other. I understand why this is a concern; it makes us feel uncomfortable and worried. Him not being human is worrying, because the term “sentimonster” makes us wonder, is he a monster?

To me, using the word "monster" contributes to the ostracization and sense of otherness that makes certain fans jump straight to the idea of invalidation and even some fear/anxiety. If we call something a monster, it instantly makes us less likely to root for them and actually prejudiced against them. It makes us, the third party bystander here, think there is something inherently wrong with them. As a result it makes it harder for us to sympathize with them, it makes us less likely to care. This is especially hard when we love Adrien so much.

Putting this under a read more, because the rest of the post is heavy and long. Trigger warnings for non-specific mention of homophobia and racism.

Think of Frankenstein's monster. The monster was not the villain, the doctor was (spoiler alert I guess). But people often forget that fact and go straight into depicting the monster as the villain when that is absolutely not the case. We were meant to empathize with the monster, but because of the colloquial meaning it’s harder for us to do it unless we really take the time to think about it.

In real world terms, we can compare the way people in-universe (and from what some people in the fandom seem to think) act towards sentis to discrimination that has been perpetuated in society, particularly against BIPOC or LGBTQ+. If we look at the power language holds over a group of people, we can see that it can, and has throughout history, created a derogatory narrative that makes people appear as "outsiders" or not part of the "true society".

Historically, many BIPOC members from around the world were even considered "inferior humans" or in some cases not worth considering as humans in the first place. Similar discrimination occurs in the LGBTQ+ community, often perpetrated by their own family. Both groups frequently suffer invalidation in a way that can cause them to doubt their place in the world, leading to extreme cases of depression or traumatic response. I will not name any derogatory or hateful terms but chances are if you are a member of the BIPOC or LGBTQ+ community you know exactly how devastating it can be when someone calls you this. The words have power, and while we are working to reclaim our words and language for ourselves before we can do that, we have to eliminate the hurt by respecting those who ask us to not use certain language that is derogatory.

Now, what does that have to do with sentimonsters?

Well first, we have to look at the original purpose of sentibeings. They were depicted as guardians, meant to provide protection. Or they were emotions made life, a source of positivity and goodness. We dont know too many details but we can infer that they were the good guys, no different from our heroes.

(Yes, their creation was perhaps different from what modern society views as "birth", but 100 years ago science would have scoffed at the notion of IVF. In reality, we are learning of more and more alternatives to real-world creation, so why can we not accept it as a proper form of creation in a world where literal superheroes and magic exist?)

The real issue is, as always, Gabriel Agreste. The first time Paris was exposed to miraculouses is through Gabe’s manipulation of them. His true crime as a villain was to not only wreak havoc on Paris but also to take something that was meant to do good and use them for evil. Although haven’t seen sentis or the butterfly heroes, we can infer that normally they provide hope and light and happiness and all sorts of positivity.

That was likely the idea of Adrien's birth, to do all of that and to be a force for good.

It isn’t him (or any senti for that matter) who is inhuman; he is actually incredibly human, as evidenced by his actions, emotions, and vulnerability.

The one who lost his humanity was Gabriel himself (and Nathalie, she bad news bears too).

By using sentis in this way, as a tool to create fear, he’s influenced Paris into seeing them as monsters. To the point where even the main protagonist calls them monsters. It’s not right, it’s very wrong, but it makes sense given what the characters on the show know about them and what the villains caused them to believe.

The reality is that sentis are not the monsters at all, and we should not treat them as such. They are just being treated that way through manipulation and abuse. The same way we see akumas as victims of mothman and not the villains themselves, we need to do the same for sentis.

For us as fandom, along with the characters in the show, the best way to overcome that ignorance is to learn from it and become more open-minded while seeing things from a different point of view. I don’t know if the show itself will go into this topic, as it’s not an easy one and has to be handled very sensitively, but I do know there will be a happy ending. If the sentiadrien theory turns out to be true then I have full faith the series will end with the senits being considered equal to everyone else, just like we strive for in our own society.

And before someone uses this to salt on the show’s writing or the characters for using the term, I want to say that given what stage the show is at it makes total sense that they use the term sentimonster. They are following the agenda of a madman because they do not know any better. And the wont until they have another voice to listen to, one that can speak on behalf of sentis with lived experience of what it means to be one. Who better to do than our favorite catboy hero?

We've already seen a start: in Ladybug where both our heroes show genuine pain and sadness over they loss of Sentibug. They're already changing their perspectives, and we need to too.

I only want to change the fandom’s perspectives of them so as to help us better accept the theory if it does turn out to be true, and that it may help those who still struggle with the idea that being a senti means Adrien is “other” or a “monster” when that isn’t true at all. It’s all about perceptions and misguided notions/ignorance, all of which can be unlearned.

In short: I'm proposing changing the term to "sentibeing" to end the "otherness" and demonization this fandom tends to do when discussing them, thereby enforcing the idea that "Even if he's a senti, Adrien is still the character I love."

#hi im back to push my sentibeing agenda lol #it gets a little heavy so ask to tag #i've been wanting to talk about this and im glad i got to hehe #not a salt post #miraculous ladybug #sentiadrien #sentiadrien theory #adrien agreste #sentifelix #sentimonster adrien #sentimonsters #ml meta #ml psychology #sentibeings #gonna make that the official term just you wait #tw homophobia #ml s4 #tw racsim #bushy overthinks things

[captnjacksparrow]

Why do I ship SNS?

It is a known fact that when people experience a good media, they like to discuss various things they liked, hated, interpret what the creator trying to say and get something from what they have consumed. Eventually people end up in a shipping war if there are multiple possibilities. 

I started watching Naruto on a whim, hoping to see some ninjas in action with some revenge as a background (after all when you have power, there will always be a revenge). Am a sucker for revenge, btw. I am a person who hates romance in media. Because, every movie, book, novel, series has this same recycled romance plastered into every story even though the story don’t need at all. So, I am very tired of it. Every media portrays romance as something inevitable, necessary and something we can’t live without. That’s wrong. 

Usually, romance goes like this... Person A sees Person B... they hate each other and add some possessiveness, jealousy... they magically gets attracted through some shared experiences eventually... they kiss and make babies. There’s nothing wrong with this. It’s just very tiring as I’ve seen million forms of this same repeated trope. I always cringe and yell “Can you give us something different? Grrr.....”.

And also, my motto is that love can happen with any person. It can’t be restrained into certain boundaries. So, I don’t like to put some relationship under an umbrella called Gay, Lesbian, Straight or whatever. Of course, illicit relationships and incest are not normal and am not okay with it.

With all that being said...

My experience after watching the Shippuden series until episode 478 was “Wait, do they love each other?”. I know am very late to realize this, but I have never even viewed them with any romantic lens throughout. 

On my first watch, I was always under the impression that “They are friends”... But there are certain moments I felt “Wait, why are they doing like this which could’ve been handled in a different way!!” I will get to this later in this post. But those moments were overlooked by me because of my curiosity of “What happens next ??”. 

And on my rewatch, it only confirmed my view. 

The other popular ships like SS and NH put forth many points to invalidate what SNS represents. The most common being “They are reincarnated brothers” or  “They are best friends”. Am just going to debunk them from my point of view. 

Naruto and Sasuke are like brothers.....

Nope. 

The best brotherhood title, in this series, should officially go to Itachi and Sasuke. 

You can argue as much as you want that Itachi mindfucked Sasuke and killed his parents....yaada yaada.... 

It is repeatedly shown why Itachi put a curtain on his own clan. The reason is, Uchiha clan decided to forcefully take over the village. No matter how much innocent you are, you cannot take over something with force. Dot. I will write about this in a separate post.

In short, Sasuke realised how his clan members were wrong after hearing the story from the First Hokage, Hashirama Senju. That’s why he openly proclaimed “I am going to protect Konoha and become Hokage”. 

Back to the topic, Itachi and Sasuke are blood brothers. If I ship them both, then what you claim is very valid. 

The above gif says, “Sasuke, I know, I made a mistake by filling you with hatred. But whatever you decide to do from now on, I will love you always”. Meaning, He stopped treating Sasuke as a kid and accepts that Sasuke has his own path to walk.

This is exactly how brothers behave. I would do the same to my kid sister. You can see a fraternal instinct from Itachi’s eyes realizing that this is their last time together.

Another thing, Brothers trope always has this hierarchy.... Protect the younger sibling no matter what. It is evident from Madara/Izuna and Hashirama/Tobirama.

Not convinced?

If you pull the Indra and Ashura bullshit, let me tell you one thing. Indra and Ashura were separated and formed their own clan long ago. They eventually branched off into Uchiha and Senju clans. No way you can relate a century old blood relation as brothers. It’s just their chakra got reincarnated over and over. 

Don’t pull up an incest angle between Naruto and Sasuke. Because they never shared a womb. Dot. 

Naruto and Sasuke are Best Friends only.

You know what, you are almost right. I thought that for a very long time. Remember I never wore any shipping goggles ON. 

There are two types of best friend categories. Best Friends without a reason and Best Friends through rivalry. 

Best Friends without a reason in Narutoverse are: Shikamaru/Choji. 

They just became friends and became BFF. They won’t fight or hurt each other. But when you have something to share...you would go to that person and share everything honestly.

Best Friends through Rivalry: Kakashi/Obito, Hashirama/Madara, Naruto/Sasuke

I really cannot provide more proof for the first two pairings as Best Friends as it is not the scope of this post. Although the latter two also qualifies for shipping category. Why?

Because, the common thing among them is that all the three Uchihas awakened/reawakened their Sharingan for their best friend. But Hashirama/Madara and Naruto/Sasuke are the only pairings to awaken or evolve Sharingan when trying to break their bonds with each other. 

Special Brownie points for Madara. He had 4 brothers and lost 3 but still couldn’t awaken his Sharingan but when trying to break up with Hashirama, his eyes were brimming red. 

Sasuke’s Sharingan matures in the first Valley of The End.

That’s why I excluded Hashirama/Madara and Naruto/Sasuke from this Best Friends list.

Because to the both Uchihas, the other person meant something special which cannot be comprehended into a mere term called ‘Best Friends’.

Which is exactly why Kakashi/Obito would perfectly fall into this category.

The way they quarrel, fight with each other, protect each other are perfect scores for a friendship. What makes them best friends is when Obito decided to give his Sharingan despite Kakashi was always putting a cold air around him and most importantly asked him to protect his love ‘Rin’. Also Kakashi carried his friend’s will to his heart and passed on to Team 7.

It all falls under ‘In the memory of my Best Friend’ trope.

Obito may be a trash but he is a good friend. Because after Rin was killed, he massacred everyone around him except for Kakashi. He could have killed him. Understandable. Or he could have plucked his Sharingan back (because he literally plucked most of the Sharingans from the Uchiha clan massacre and kept those eyes as a reserve). This could have enabled him to use Susanoo. I believe Susanoo can only be used with Mangekyo Sharingan in both eyes. But for some reason, he didn’t. 

So what makes me think Naruto and Sasuke love each other, not as a brother and not as a friend but something beyond which I can’t term?

My way of shipping is not about marriage, sex and rearing babies. Because literally everyone does this as an obligation. 

So, I don’t ship them in terms of living together in my headcanon and having sex daily. Nope. But it is not wrong though if you ship in that sense.

In this Narutoverse, Women are just some stow away pieces whose sole existence is to fawn over their dreamboy and cry for them. (Usually literally nothing useful comes out of them). Me being a girl, as much as I hate this setup but I have come to terms with whatever it is and have accepted it. If you are a girl looking for a strong female character...... this is not the place. Watch something else. 

But I draw inspiration from male characters who are characterized deeply for which I have to applaud the creator. Reason being, the very first character which I connected with was Itachi. It was when Sasuke thinks about his past with his family in the flashback before the first VotE battle in part I. I will be writing a separate post about Itachi in this week. 

In short, If you are a person who wants inspiration, draw it from male characters. Not in a single moment, you stoop so low for characters like Hinata and Sakura. That’s not how I envision myself or any woman. Dot.

With all this being said, I ship them as a couple who necessarily don’t have to get married or have sex... But they each other has some special allowance towards each other in their hearts which no one can touch, not even their wives or children. 

This doesn’t mean I accept what came after episode 478 as they are literally something they made for $$$$$. 

There are some basic traits which are absolutely necessary for a ship to sail successfully. They are Acknowledgement, Reason, No Hierarchy, Influence, Owning each others rights and Privilege. (All these reasons should come from both the sides for the ship to be worthy)

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

Acknowledgement, I mean here, is to accept and acknowledge what they are to each other.

They both agree that they are Bonded/Friends verbally as well as emotionally.

To me, this is essential in any relationship especially for the ones you are trying to ship. I didn’t see this in any other ships like SS or NH where it is always one sided. Sakura confessed before the village entrance to which Sasuke said “You really are annoying!!”. Hinata proposed in Pain arc. Naruto didn’t even acknowledge her confession. He went on to beg for pardon for Sasuke. Again she proposed in the War at the expense of Love Cupid “Neji”. Naruto went on to joke with Minato that Sakura is his Girl Friend. 

If I were in both of these girls place, I would literally be mad and drop this shit right away.

Wheras in SNS, I saw both the people I am trying to ship were asking “What am I to you?”, to which they reply “You are my friend”. To me this is very important.

Reason

To those who are saying “Love is blind”, “Love is Madness”, “Love needs no reason”, you all need self-evaluation. This is not some K Drama situation where you don’t need any reason. You should know why you love someone and why you need the other’s presence.

Naruto’s reason is very simple.

I could provide many reasons. But here, Sasuke, without any reservations... knowing full well of the consequence if he feed Naruto but still extended the helping hand to someone who was always hostile. It is just like what Iruka did. And many incidents which happened during Land of the Waves arc are evident.

He wanted to be friends with this lonely Uchiha boy way back when he was around 7 or 8 for a simple reason that he understands his pain more than anyone. But he really became friends when they were grouped together for Team 7.  

Sasuke’s reason goes even way beyond when Naruto series started.

“Because he felt relief”.

Imagine a young boy who witnessed a massacre before his eyes and lost everyone he loved. But somehow another young boy of his age made him feel relieved. This explains why Sasuke went all out of his way to make friendship with Naruto despite being aloof. 

Isn’t this what we want from someone we love?  

Rather than being completely insensitive about an orphan life or just stalking from the distance and never offered any support, I would prefer someone who understands my pain from their heart and try to reach me. Sasuke reached out to him by offering the lunch and Naruto reached out to him by making him his rival and bug him.

NO HIERARCHY

This is pretty self-explanatory. Unlike blood brothers, there should be no hierarchy in a relationship I want to ship. 

We saw Naruto yells at Sasuke many times absolutely for no reason, despite Sasuke bearing this cold attitude. Probably he is the only person who can call him by such variety of names. 

Sasuke always calls him by his trademark ‘Usuratonkachi’. Sometimes he calls him fool just like everyone. But was never insulting or mean towards Naruto. Except for that time in the final battle, he made fun of his Shadow Clone jutsu citing his loneliness. 

In short, be it a physical fight or verbal offense.... neither of them wilts like a flower. They equally give back. 

The only other person who can verbally assault Sasuke is Karin and probably the only girl who never addresses him as “Sasuke-Kun”. 

U-SU-RA-TON-KA-CHI..... Why do Sasuke spend such an effort to call someone with a 6 syllabic word, instead NA-RU-TO, a 3 syllabic word which is way more convenient to call?? I always wonder.

POSITIVE INFLUENCE

I don’t have to spell out anything here. There are many obvious examples but will try to keep it short. 

Naruto became strong because of Sasuke. He trained hard for 3 years with Jiraiya , a month with Kakashi developing Rasen Shuriken and controlled Kurama’s power with Killer Bee. Except for Sage Mode jutsu everything he learnt was all for bringing Sasuke back. 

In short, Sasuke is Naruto’s predominant strength. 

Though Naruto was not the source of strength for Sasuke, but he brings out many vibrant emotions in Sasuke which he really needed for his traumatic mind otherwise he would always be that cold angry brooding doll without any emotions and I am sure Sasuke enjoys to banter with Naruto.

LOL!!! I don’t know why Sasuke feels competitve here. It’s pretty childish even for Sasuke.

Friendly tease :-) I think he also protected Sakura in this scene. He can also ask her the same, isn’t it? I mean as a friend. 

The best one is yet to come

It’s incredibly hilarious to see how Sasuke pouts when he was with Naruto. Sakura!!!! You third wheeling joker :-D :-D

Throughout Shippuden, Sasuke never shows his emotions with anyone. He either looks very cold or angry.

Reminiscing his Team 7 days, for a split second. 

Probably the only positive emotion is this, in all of the Shippuden. I mean not counting Episode 478.

I don’t think Sakura brought any kind emotions in Sasuke except annoyance when they were together in Team 7. Or Hinata too. These girls just moan “Sasuke-Kun”, “Naruto-Kun” but brings nothing to the table. Total wastrels!!!!!

OWNING EACH OTHER’S RIGHTS

This section is exactly where SNS moves on to a whole different level.

Sasuke wanted to inflict his pain over everyone who lives in peaceful Konoha for what it did to Itachi. (though I don’t really accept with Sasuke here since he never even bothered to question about his clan’s history, but what he was doing is understandable. Just like Naruto tells him).

But the context here is Sasuke is on a murder rampage. Starting from the Kage Summit, killing Danzo, unnecessarily hurting Karin and almost reached a point where he could not be stopped anymore. Then Ms.Annoying appears. She literally have no fucking clue what Sasuke is going through. So started to spout nonsense that she wanted to go with Sasuke-Kun with an ulterior motive to kill him without a strong resolve. 

The interesting SS dynamics here is Sasuke asks Sakura “Do you know what I want?” and to which she gives a carefree-shitty-pathetic answer “I don’t care. I will do whatever you want”. Geez!!!

If I were Sasuke, I would think, “This person standing before me don’t even care about what I want but coming with an intent to kill me and not only that... she is a kunoichi from Konoha where I planned to inflict my pain by slaughtering them.. I better ram my Chidori and be done with it”... He doesn’t see her as his former Teammate. He just want to kill that person.

However, Kakashi deflects the attack and saves Ms.Useless. 

( Me : I am a Sasuke fan through and through. But, Sakura..... You always says you will do this, do that.... But you never succeed at anything... Why is that? Why are you even continue being a ninja? No one asked you to kill Sasuke, you decided to. But why don’t you kill him. Probably you would’ve earned my begrudging respect... Pffft” ****sighs with a heavy second hand embarassment)

Anyways, Sasuke becomes an unstoppable maniac at this point because he was very irritated on seeing Kakashi and Sakura spouting some unreachable nonsense. So he started to attack Kakashi as he is even more irritated on seeing his Sharingan.

Again, Ms.Idiot wants to kill Sasuke when he is at his weakest point due to chakra exhaustion and that too from behind his back. (You!!! Gutless wrench). Sasuke sensed this and attempted to kill her again... (Naruto!!! You idiot. Why did you save her...)

However, Naruto appears and saves her. Naruto and Sasuke’s eyes meet each other.

But somehow Sasuke calmed down and hears out Naruto for what he has to say. He says, “Whatever you are doing until now, it’s understandable”. 

Kakashi wanted to kill him and Sasuke got riled up and prepare his Chidori. Anyways, Naruto intervenes and they go to some meta physical plane and talks privately. And Naruto comes up with his idea and announces as below:

Me: Naruto!!!! Sweety..... Do you realize that you have a big dream of becoming a Hokage which you have been shouting from Day 1? But still you want to overthrow everything for that one person who is in unbearable pain. It’s alright. But you don’t want to go alone or send him alone. No Best friend would go this far. And to those Sakura shippers.... Why didn’t Sakura try to bear the burden? Why didn’t she come up with this Idea? Afterall, you spout nonsense like ‘Sakura saved Sasuke from Darkness, isn’t it?’ And, Naruto.... Who gave you the right to take his hatred and shoulder the burden? And what makes you think you are that only person to do it??? Sasuke, might have other special person in those 3 years. How can you decide on Sasuke’s behalf??? Aren’t you going overboard ?

The answer to all the above is simple, Naruto can risk anything for Sasuke. And he clearly knew that Sasuke’s only living bond is him.

And what happened next was almost unbelievable and for the first time I thought ‘What is it with these two guys?’. 

Sasuke agrees with Naruto’s proposition to not destroy Konoha before fighting with Naruto. 

Me: Sasuke!!!! You have every right to reject his proposition. Since, he was not in your life for the past 3 years, your side of bond with Naruto should have been cut-off long back, right? Sasuke??? Well, at this point he was just your former Team 7 member. You don’t need to honor your proposition. You can attack Konoha anytime. Why did you accept?

Also Me: Sweety!!! Why do you always question Naruto ‘Who am I to you’? Why do you need his opinion always? There is an annoying princess standing behind Naruto vying for your attention. And yet you didn’t even ask her this question at any time. But before Naruto, you completely calmed down from your rampage and willing to wait for what he has to say plus asking for his validation. After all you don’t care about anything, why just Naruto???

And the reason being, Naruto is still his closest bond which he couldn’t cut off despite trying very hard. After all, Many years ago, Sasuke was the one, who readily jumped in to protect Naruto knowing full well that it’s a trap. He was ready to throw away his revenge for this boy back then. Sasuke is afraid that he will give in to this bond once more and Naruto is his weakness which he wants to eliminate so badly.

This is definitely not any Best Friend would do..... Fix that in your mind.

The purpose of these GIFs is not show how protective Sasuke is..... Well, I can talk about it all day. Let’s save it.

Me: Yo!!!! Sasuke..... You wanted to kill Naruto.... You said so yourself under the bridge. Meaning, He is the only person standing between your goal and your resolve and Naruto is always known to weaken your resolve. And yet why are you protecting him here? There is absolutely no need. Because, if there is a situation like Kaguya where both of you are must needed to save this world , then there is a reason to save him. But why now? Plus do you know, if Naruto dies, then Madara’s plan may not succeed because if a Jinchuriki dies, tailed beast also dies. It is perfect for your Revolution, isn’t it? Who gave you the right to own his life? Obito has his reason to kill Naruto, why not let him?Why is it that you want to personally remove him from your life? If he is dead by an external factor, you can carry on your path without any interference and pain. Why go so far to protect him ?

The answer is Sasuke values Naruto’s life more than his own even during his Team 7 days. He has this high esteem for Naruto and almost consider it to be a shame if some worthless fool takes his life. And Sasuke never hated Naruto. He once hated Itachi and his resolve to kill was real and intense. But when Orochimaru asked him to kill 1000 people for practice, Sasuke never killed anyone. He even implemented no kill policy for his team “Hebi”. So, someone like Sasuke who never liked to kill random innocent people, how could he let some trash take away a life, he considers dearly to the same level of Itachi? That’s why in this situation, his body moved on his own to protect something special for him. He may not agree it, but he always shows it.

But some other ship wankers try to say Sasuke may have said “You are annoying” but inside he deeply loved her which is why he was smiling. If so, Why didn’t Sasuke never showed his care not even once? He not only tried to kill her twice when she was defenseless but also let her die twice or didn’t bother at all during the war. Or show me where these soul level connection happened between SS or NH

In short, Sasuke and Naruto own each other’s rights unconsciously. Because they are the only ones who can understand each other’s soul which nobody can reach.

Me: Oh, by the way Sasuke, I think Susanoo should be used like this. You really don’t need your hand to protect Naruto. Susanoo can do it’s work for you. Minato would be proud though!!!!

PRIVILEGE

Most of the points I written above are in and of itself is a privilege they give for each other and not for anyone else. Privilege is essential in a ship. Because it shows how different a loved one is from normal people. 

For Naruto, 

I originally want to put how he begs for forgiveness on Sasuke’s behalf before Raikage and weeps immeasurably before hyperventilating. But this one trumps the other. Naruto literally broadcasted everyone how important Sasuke is to him and how he regretted not offering his friendship at that time and how he couldn’t stop Sasuke from reaching Orochimaru. 

If you want to inspire Alliance shinobi forces, you should have shown how you worked so hard from the bottom to top. Projecting Sasuke as your regret and inspiring people shows how deeply you prioritize this person which affects you after so many years and hence, you don’t want any more regrets. 

It’s very unconventionally romantic which passes the shipping category in flying colours. 

For Sasuke,

The following is the Land of the waves arc which was novelized in the name of Innocent Heart, Demonic Blood released in 2006. 99.9% of the material is exactly as it happens in Manga/Anime. 

This is the privilege Sasuke provides for Naruto. “ But coming from Sasuke, It almost counted as a hug”... 

BROWNIE POINTS:

Now, the following are the scenes which add a mysterious flavour to this ship. I sincerely don’t understand why Kishimoto put this. I mean I am absolutely happy with it, but why? What was he thinking while drawing these scenes? 

It’s also strange that, whenever they clash a Chidori with Rasengan..... They always gets repelled to their own sides and fall with a loud thump. But Naruto’s posture looks very perfect, I mean it looks like someone carried him and laid him down. Anyways, What’s Sasuke doing on Naruto’s side?? He should have fell on the opposite side. Why didn’t he walk away? There is absolutely no reason for Sasuke to come over to Naruto’s side and have an intense meaningful gaze. 

This is another mysterious plus intense scene. I am still wondering, Is this really Sasuke? He is a person who avoids casual touches with anyone other than his brother. I’ve seen so many times Sasuke rejecting hugs from Sakura. I can’t even imagine what Kishimoto was thinking. 

If you people pass these scenes off as Brotherhood or Best Friend chemistry... Then you lack basic human emotions. That’s all. 

Me: Well, Sasuke, If you really want to kill him, you should have shovelled your sword right through Naruto’s vital point when you made that exuberant landing. There is literally no need for you to draw a long sword in close quarters. And what about the Personal Space??? With your speed, you can land without leaning on Naruto’s shoulders... 

Also Me: Yo, Naruto... You were panicking when Sai does the same....but you don’t even flinch when Sasuke invades your personal space????

Anyways, it’s funny that both the intense scenes I have mentioned here were initiated by Sasuke. Quite strange and thrilling.

So, to conclude.... All these scenes I have mentioned  made me unconsciously ship them as a pair. With all these being said, I believe all the ingredients for a good romance were laid perfectly. A moment of impulsive tension or affection, say a hug, between them after a difficult battle could mess with both and make a romance happen. And I don’t think either of them will deny especially Sasuke. 

I don’t see any of this aspect in other popular ships such as SS and NH. If I am Sakura or Hinata in this universe, I will not be okay with my pair doing all these things with other person. I intentionally left scenes from Episode 478 as it is so intense and require a separate post. I am happy that even without Episode 478, SNS ship sails high. So, I believe both Sakura and Hinata are still fourth wheeling their respective pairs in Boruto universe also, I guess. 

P.S: I don’t watch Boruto

Final memento:

No way a friend will look this mesmerized on seeing the other one. 

#narusasu #sasunaru #sns #naruto #sasuke #naruto uzumaki #sasuke uchiha #itachi #kakashi #obito #anti sakura #anti hinata #anti sasusaku #anti naruhina

[bigskydreaming]

Also if people instinctively reaching for their “its just my interpretation” arguments as a rebuttal to that post about issue #416 could just not, I’d super appreciate it, thaaaaaanks.

See, the problem I have with that is like....no its not. Its really really not. If your fic or your meta is otherwise DIRECTLY referencing specific story beats of that specific ISSUE, like Dick not having talked to Bruce in over a year, or Dick not knowing Jason even existed until he saw it on the news, or Dick leaving Jason his phone number, or anything of the like.....it is not at all unreasonable for me to expect you to acknowledge the story beats of that very same issue that all of those things are written IN RESPONSE TO. 

You can yell at me about how the firing is just a retcon til the cows come home, but y’know what? It was a retcon that was reiterated IN THAT VERY SAME ISSUE. In it, Dick reiterated what the firing looked like from his perspective, how he waited around for two weeks for Bruce to change his mind before packing up and leaving with opportunities for Bruce to say something every step of the way....THAT is the SPECIFIC sequence of events that Dick’s anger about all of this comes from.

So its extremely disingenuous to try and pair that anger with the pre-Crisis ‘better version’ of events where Dick gives up being Robin all on his own and becomes Nightwing while still on good terms with Bruce...because that version of events has its OWN corresponding aftermath that was written in direct response to THOSE character choices. Like the aftermath where right after becoming Nightwing, Dick turns around and offers Robin to Jason himself, as he of course is already well acquainted with Jason by then. See, that’s kinda part of why Dick and Bruce are on such better terms in that version of events. It has a lot to do with Bruce not adopting a whole other son without so much as a phone call to let Dick know his family had expanded.

Now you can mix and match to your heart’s content, that has NEVER been in question. Especially since as so often said, its a fandom past time to take a match to canon and watch it burn. You don’t have to adhere to aaaaaanything you don’t want to.

BUT.

If you want to talk about INTERPRETING the canon? That is subject to a different set of standards. Because you’re acknowledging that the source material exists as a point of RELEVANCE to you.....and the fact is....the source material is the SAME for everyone discussing it. Now, people can and do have different interpretations of that same material, this is obviously true. But ACTUAL. GENUINE. DISCUSSION of it.....requires that all parties at least discuss those interpretations in good faith, and make an honest attempt to address the material as it is.

And that is not what happens in this fandom. Because you damn well KNOW that for all your talk of the firing just being a retcon......its still the specific version of events the “Dick being mad about Bruce giving Robin to Jason” thing is directly meant to reference and BUILD off of. Retcon or not, it is indisputably the FOUNDATION upon which the other character choices of that very same issue are built atop of.

Because there is another version of events, yes. The pre-Crisis version where Dick gives up Robin. But as I said, that version DOES NOT HAVE Dick angry or resentful....because a key component of it is that all three of them, Bruce, Dick and Jason, are already a family in spirit. There’s a true succession of Robin from Dick passing it down to Jason.

And a lot of you guys know this too. Especially the ones most likely to reach for that “let us have our interpretation!” arguments. Because the Dick Grayson corner of fandom has posted about it a LOT. In fact, we kinda churn out a crap ton of content for this fandom. Headcanons, ficlets, informative posts, etc. And there’s a very curious phenomenon that exists.....

Literally anything I or certain other DG fans post that is inclusive of the whole family, or does not reference any specific event that’s infamous within fandom for pitting Dick against another Batfam member in a ‘who was right, discuss” kinda way.....that tends to circulate WIDELY in fandom. We’re talking upwards of a thousand notes, regularly.

In comparison.....the informative posts that are chock full of panels pointing out how canon actually goes in these specific instances.....tend to top out at a couple hundred max. Its pretty much just fellow DG stans who reblog them. Everyone else, despite them going through the same initial routes of circulation....are very good at pretending they don’t see them.

Because see, misinformation - and make no mistake, that is what we’re talking about here - RELIES on a lack of like.....actual information provided to the contrary to thrive. 

For instance, if it were as common knowledge that in the pre-Crisis version of Dick becoming Nightwing, he makes Jason Robin himself, as it is say.....that the firing Dick as Robin story is ‘just a shitty retcon’......people might start to ask in greater numbers, like, okay, so why DON’T more people write Dick making Jason into Robin after giving it up himself? Why have Dick so bitter at Bruce and/or Jason, if in the only version where Dick gives up Robin, Dick passes it on himself? If you’re gonna go with the one, why not the other?

Because we all know damn well that’s not a difference in interpretation. That’s a conscious CHOICE to TRANSFORM the source material by stitching together two different sides of a cause and effect chasm. The events transpiring after Dick finds out Bruce made Jason Robin himself ARE NOT MEANT to reference the inciting event of Dick giving up Robin himself. You can make that happen, sure. But you have to MAKE it happen. There is no point in the comics where you can honestly, genuinely point to the comics and say this right here shows Dick being mad about this, where ‘this’ is Bruce giving Robin to Jason SPECIFICALLY after Dick gave Robin up, rather than being fired.

A choice has to be made there, for that to happen, if one has the ACTUAL information about how that really played out in the comics rather than just misinformation. And not everyone in fandom trusts everyone else to make the choices they would like them to make with the source material, do they?

After all, isn’t that the REAL root of all this?

See.....its no secret to any of us that nobody’s been all that happy with the actual comics aka source material in years. Meaning most of fandom, myself included, is here for meta and fics based on previously written comics, or our own adaptations of the material.

And fandom, being interactive, unlike canon.....is something that CAN be influenced by other fans.

So why don’t we all just stop fucking pretending that we’re not all trying to influence what the overarching fandom narratives are, shall we?

Oh, you can say this is just me projecting, but I’ve got plenty of instances of hypocrisy to point to that say otherwise. And THAT is the true source of my hostility in so many posts in this fandom.

Because its the very same people who loudly cry “let people have their headcanons” and “let people have their interpretations” and “stop trying to tell people there’s only one true version of canon to go off of” who NEVER. EVER. fail to show up on posts like that last one, the SECOND they start to circulate ‘too widely’ throughout fandom. There is ALWAYS someone waiting in the wings the minute a post like that starts to top a couple hundred notes, ready and raring to shoot it down with some kind of derailment or condescending reminders to everyone who might see it that ‘that’s just a bad retcon for people obsessed with misery porn’ or something like that.

And what exactly should we be calling that? When people show up every single time I make a post about the importance of Robin as a name to Dick, in order to make a big stink about how it being his mother’s name for him is just a retcon? Even though....did I say it wasn’t? Does it being a retcon mean it doesn’t exist? Am I not allowed MY interpretation of a story that very much does exist in canon, am I not allowed to reference other stories where that specific retcon is specifically linked to?

Or how about if I say, post a headcanon about Alfred getting snippy with Bruce about not reaching out to Dick after he leaves home, where within the headcanon itself I specifically reference a clear version of the story where Dick is fired and its eighteen months before he and Bruce speak again? Does this story not exist in canon? Am I not allowed to base stuff of it? It would seem not, given the way people jumped to derail that one by adding in additions about Dick being upset with Bruce about college, which is an entirely different continuity that in no way intersects with the specific events I reference, where they’re estranged for a clear reason that is directly raised within the headcanon itself. People even acknowledge “OP is entitled to any version of continuity they want” in that one, but are like....this one is wrong though, and true fans prefer the one that isn’t just misery porn meant to validate Dick’s teenage angst. With people all too happy to reblog that one while gleefully pointing out the tags that completely derail the post about a clear point in canon by making it entirely about another unrelated point in a different continuity in order to invalidate the initial headcanon or whatever.

Don’t even get me started on when we dare reference stories where Bruce is actually physically abusive to Dick, or when we link Dick’s actions in stories that acknowledge the emotional abuse or neglect of certain key moments in his life TO those inciting moments directly and say “hey its kinda shitty to act like Dick was just being a standoffish brat here when Dick’s attitude is actually directly based on the last time he and Bruce interacted being when Bruce told him to get out and leave his keys.” LOLOL nooooo, that’s not allowed to stand, because see, the ONLY possible reason we could have for even CONSIDERING those stories in character or in continuity, is because of the aforementioned addiction to misery porn or else because we’re just trying to smear Bruce to make our own fave look better.

Never mind that another popular refrain for a lot of the people I’m talking about here is “you don’t know what people are thinking or why they like the things that they like” so, y’know. It is a tad irritating to see that double standard applied, like I mean. Just speaking personally, I’m a survivor of childhood physical and sexual abuse with a lifetime’s worth of C-PTSD and permanent estrangement from my abusive family, so like....those stories where Dick is abused by a figure he never thought would hurt him and now has to reconcile that with still loving and admiring that very same person and still wanting to be family.....like, hey guess what, those themes are part of why his character resonates for me in particular and so they’re kiiiiiinda key for me to explore for a lot of reasons. And given that this fandom looooooves to talk about some people writing dark shit to cope, I find it veeeeeery curious that people are so willing to shut the fuck up and say nothing about incest, rape and pedophilia fics even if they don’t like them themselves......but will still come out of the woodwork to condescend about there being absolutely no valid reason for anyone to ever engage with content where Bruce is abusive even just in one singular instance.....nah. Its literally just cuz of the misery porn addiction.

But see.....the thing at the heart of all this is the simple fact that this hypocrisy doesn’t exist just for the sake of hypocrisy. It exists because we actually all DO know how much power and influence fans can have in an interactive environment like fandom.

After all, the entire reason that Dick Grayson fans are so often posting informative panel-filled posts about what ACTUALLY happens in canon stories that are DIRECTLY cited in many meta, fanfics and headcanons, just.....in a totally backwards way that just so happens to fail to mention that its not intended to be an accurate depiction of the canon its definitely mentioning its in reference to....

The entire reason for this is because of how thoroughly fandom has crafted a specific narrative for Dick Grayson’s character that is based PURELY on their own characterization wants and needs and has very little to do with the actual canon of the character.

Its not a coincidence that so many fans just so happen to genuinely, truly believe that Dick was a grade A asshole to Jason while he was Robin, and there’s a wealth of canon out there somewhere to back it up. No, this happened because of fanFIC narratives where this is the case, and these catching on, and being encouraged by the initial writers of this trope and its fans and so on and so forth until it became the overarching fandom narrative and not only didn’t require any canon basis to be so....it barely ALLOWED for any talk of the contrary. Dick Grayson stans had to yell and churn out posts like that last one for YEARS to make a DENT in this fanon conviction, and do NOT even approach me about it being an issue of tone and ‘if we’d only asked politely’ because lol. No. We did. You can find the clear shift in the tone of my posts from when I first re-entered the fandom years ago to when I just got frustrated with the willful avoidance of WHY so many fans like myself are so annoyed by certain fandom convictions......and even then, it was about the hypocrisy. It was about how loudly other people crow about letting them have their headcanons while literally shouting down ANY post we made about wanting space to just have our CANON-canon.

Pro-tip: that thing where if you just ignore someone long enough on a certain point, they’ll inevitably start to get frustrated and then you can point to their tone as being the problem and claim that was the issue all along? Yeah. Its not slick. This fandom didn’t invent it. Its always very transparent, and very obnoxious. 

But the point is.....fandom absolutely has the ability to override canon narratives with their own version that’s then formative for new entrants to the fandom who never even BOTHER with the source material and just are here for the fic. And so its dishonest as FUCK for people to not only MAKE no distinction between what’s genuinely their interpretation of the canon and what’s their transformation of it, with INTENT......but to weaponize fandom’s aversion to content-criticism to shout down even ATTEMPTS to introduce discussion of the actual source material by claiming oh you’re just trying force your preferred narrative on everyone else. Aka that thing THEY’RE actually doing themselves by once attaining a fandom wide narrative they like, maintaining a stranglehold on it and doing their best to dissuade any narratives to the contrary staking a claim alongside that.

Because again, it all comes back to the fic. See, as a Dick Grayson fan, I’ve made no secret of the fact that I turn to fic for what I can’t get from canon...and its frustrating as hell to see writers that loudly talk of being BETTER than canon and “RIP to canon but my Batfam loves each other” in a lot of cases DELIBERATELY make Dick in particular look WORSE.....and then act like they have no idea what we’re talking about when we try and tell fans who take these narratives at face value that uh, they’re lacking some extremely relevant context and nuance. Or in some cases, outright facts.

And I will happily laugh loudly in the face of anyone who tries to claim that they don’t feel similarly about fics that characterize their own faves in ways they don’t like.

Yeah, try telling me that after years of some of you writing fics that specifically exclude all reference to the events of Nightwing #30 when talking about Dick’s death or Spyral.....while still including every in canon instance of people bagging on Dick for what he only did in canon because of Bruce’s abusive writing. There’s kinda a vested interest in keeping fandom relatively free of talk of Nightwing #30 then.....because weirdly, people who write about a DIFFERENT take that’s not hostile to Dick seem to end up putting the blame on Bruce for that situation. Bizarre, I know. People attributing blame to the character who was actually abusive in the canon and being cranky that the victim of said abuse is held up as the sacrificial lamb in everyone else’s fics? Whodathunkit.

(Also a point of irritation - it never had to be just one or the other. This is where the whole ‘maybe its YOU guys who were projecting all along when you said the only reason we could have for talking about Bruce’s abuse was an intent to smear the character’ bit is a thing. See, fun fact: if you were going to ignore an issue or two in order to completely flip the narrative of what really happened with Spyral and dominate the fandom landscape for a couple of years....it never had to be Nightwing #30 that was the ONLY issue you could leave out in order to not make Bruce look like an abusive asshat. Like, there was always another option right there in front of you. You could have instead chosen to also leave out Grayson #12, aka the one where Dick informs everyone else he’s alive.....then you could very easily just sliiiiiide in reference to Bruce and Dick quietly informing the whole family of his status and his mission while insisting on keeping it quiet for his safety. Voila. NOBODY has to be an asshole then, and the whole family gets to be in the know. But see, most people didn’t actually have a problem with someone being an asshole in that story. They just didn’t want it to be Bruce, and didn’t mind it being his actual victim. 

Even though, lol, just another FYI.....abuse victims having things flipped on them so it looks like they’re the true problem and their abusers are completely innocent is a HUGE thing that happens a lot in real life, so FYI about that FYI.....anyone who does say, gravitate towards Dick Grayson specifically because of how he’s impacted or might be impacted by abuse from his father, like.....is proooooobably not going to have a super fun time with diehard commitment to making this particular fictional character the true mastermind of his family’s misery and abusive instead of the abused. Weird huh.)

And round and round it goes. Where it ends, nobody knows.....because it doesn’t. fucking. stop. The number of ways in which fandom has willfully flipped the narrative so that Dick is the aggressor instead of the aggrieved is just absolutely ridiculous. This guy has been punched by every member of his family except Duke and Alfred, and somehow he’s the one characterized as uncomfy to be around because of how volatile he is. This guy is the only one who has actually been KICKED OUT of the manor, and somehow that gets glossed over and considered out of character while he apparently definitely did very much do this exact specific thing to Tim, I hear.

And like broken records, people squawk ‘let us have our interpretations/headcanons/etc’ any time we try and make a stink about how no, actually, that’s NOT HOW IT WENT....and at the EXACT SAME TIME....most of these exact same people show up on every post that uses ACTUAL information to make Bruce or Jason or Tim or whomever look like the actual problem in a story where they were actually problematic, like, the SECOND a post gets popular enough....to derail, to condescend, to shout it down with how its just a retcon or its out of character or its just a bad take or how fans with taste know better than to take it seriously.

And why do you care? Like, if we’re all supposed to just live and let live and everyone’s allowed their own interpretations, why this everpresent need to show up all the time with a superior, patronizing ‘oof, this is just not good’ the second one of YOUR faves is in the hotseat, while condescendingly boxing out any posts informing people of how no, actually, Dick and Kory’s breakup WAS linked to Mirage and Dick and Donna’s infamous fight WASN’T the way its commonly talked about and oh yeah there was brainwashing there too and etc, etc....see, when WE do that, we’re just overacting stans who can’t stand others not liking our fave. Instead of just....trying to correct misinformation so more fans can at least engage with the character from a starting point of zero instead of a negative integer. 

So why this hypocrisy? Oh yeah, because you don’t WANT the misinformation corrected. Because see, when the misinformation IS corrected, fic writers en masse....make different choices. And that’s why ever since more people started picking up the refrain of “well no actually Dick DIDN’T hate Jason, here’s the proof”.....there’s a lot more stories out there where...shockingly....Dick doesn’t hate Jason. Which bizarrely, does not really work well for the people who WANTED Dick to hate Jason and made a point to SHAPE the narrative to make him hate Jason.....because it wasn’t about that just being their interpretation, and it never was. Because the CHOICE to cut out Dick’s ‘justification for feeling slighted’ by being fired as Robin and pair that specifically WITH Dick resenting Jason for Bruce still making him Robin instead of Dick doing it....that has a narrative cause and effect within a lot of the fics that go with this. It gives Jason eternal underdog status that makes it easy to root for him while positioning someone specifically to blame for that underdog status and unfair playing field, and it also keeps focus off Bruce as the cause of any issues between his sons due to choices HE made, thus one singular figure is positioned as the obstacle to family unity....and that figure isn’t Bruce.

And no canon to the contrary will be acknowledged as legitimate.

Convenient huh?

Especially paired with the ‘thou shalt not con crit on another’s fic’ fandom commandment. Because when you can’t complain about any fanfic depictions whatsoever without immediately and inherently being cast as the rabble-rouser by default.....the ability to shape and dominate a specific fandom narrative becomes veeeeery key. After all, another popular fandom phrase is ‘we’re not the DC writers, complain to them about canon.’ But when there’s no canon complaint to be made to DC specifically, because its not canon we’re actually upset about, and we’re not ‘allowed’ to criticize fandom depictions because people are allowed to have their interpretations......all you have to do is stand your ground and insist that the fandom depictions of Dick are nothing BUT ‘interpretations’ and not acknowledge aaaaaaany of the places where you consciously make the decision to transform canon choices and behavior around him.....and voila. You’ve wrapped everything up in a neat little logic trap. Quite the fait accompli. There’s really no way for anyone to say or do anything ABOUT this little situation here without being ‘disruptive,’ ‘divisive’ and ‘having a negative impact on fandom harmony.’

Its just always gonna be a little weird to me, how much your positivity culture looks a lot like plausible deniability culture instead.

But whatever. That’s just a me problem I guess. Definitely not something anyone else in fandom has anything to do with. Just like they have nothing to do with derailments or condescension or counter arguments to so many of the canon-based Dick Grayson posts I make, and this is also all my doing...wait...hang on. I think I got mixed up again somewhere. Dang it.

[my-bated-breath]

Research Shows that Zutara Would Have Been the Ideal Friends to Lovers Dynamic

(featured below: a very self-indulgent Zutara post that uses Facts and Evidence to be self-indulgent)

When I joined the ATLA fandom, a common trend I've seen used to discredit Zutara was the belief that upon transitioning from a platonic relationship to a romantic one, Zuko and Katara would immediately become The Worst (TM) for each other. It's quite the stretch, and the Zutara fandom nearly unanimously recognizes that. Still, since the attacks have yet to cease even 15 years after the show’s first release, I'd like to add my two-cents on the subject, along with a reference to actual research that is much harder to dismiss.

The reason why Zutara is framed as a “toxic and unhealthy” relationship is that their romance would be a classic example of the enemies-to-lovers trope, a trope which modern media has not been particularly kind to. However, when executed correctly, enemies-to-lovers can produce a healthy and loving relationship, frequently relying on friendship as an intermediate between the “enemy” and “lover” stages in the most well-executed versions of this trope. Meanwhile, the trope of friends-to-lovers is just as popular as enemies-to-lovers, though the specific dynamic required between two individuals to achieve this transition is not well-known. Recognizing this, Laura K. Guerrero and Paul A. Mongeau, both of whom are involved in relationship-related research as professors at Arizona State University, wrote a research paper on how friendships may transition into romantic relationships.

While “On Becoming ‘More Than Friends: The Transition From Friendship to Romantic Relationship” covers a variety of aspects regarding how friends may approach a budding romantic relationship, this meta will focus on the section titled “The Trajectory from Platonic Friendship to Romantic Relationship,” which describes stages of intimacy that are in common between platonic and romantic relationships.

(I am only using this one source for my meta because as much as I love research and argumentative writing, I can only give myself so much more school work before I break. If you wish to see more sources that corroborate the argument from above, refer to the end of this meta at the “Works Cited.”)

According to Guerrero and Mongeau, “...scholars have argued that intimacy is located in different types of interactions, ranging from sexual activity and physical contact to warm, cozy interactions that can occur between friends, family members, and lovers…” Guerrero and Mongeau then reference a relationship model where the initial stages (i.e. perceiving similarities, achieving rapport, and inducing self-disclosure) reflect platonic/romantic intimacy through communication while the latter stages (i.e. role-taking, achieving interpersonal role fit, and achieving dyadic crystallization) often see both individuals as achieving a higher level of intimacy that involves more self-awareness.

Definitions, because some terminology in this quote is field-specific:

_____

Perception of similarity: (similar in background, values, etc.) which contributes to pair rapport

Pair rapport: produces positive emotional and behavioral responses to the partner, promotes effective communication and instills feelings of self-validation

Self-disclosure: a process of communication by which one person reveals information about themselves to another. The information can be descriptive or evaluative and can include thoughts, feelings, aspirations, goals, failures, successes, fears, and dreams, as well as one's likes, dislikes, and favorites.

Role-taking: ability to understand the partner's perspective and empathize with his/her role in the interaction and the relationship

Role-fit: partners assess the extent of their similarities in personality, needs, and roles

Dyadic crystallization: partners become increasingly involved with each other and committed to the relationship and they form an identity as a committed couple

_____

(Source: Quizlet -- not the most reliable source, I know, but once again field-specific terms tend to be ubiquitous in their definitions, and I doubt that this Quizlet can be that inaccurate)

(Additional note: only the first three definitions will be relevant to this meta, but the other definitions are left in for all of you who want to speculate what the next part of this meta, which may or may not be published the following week, will be about.)

Let’s apply what we just learned back to the real Zuko-Katara relationship we see throughout the show. What attributes of healthy and natural friends-to-lovers dynamics may they check off?

Perceiving similarities:

Zuko and Katara share an astounding number of parallels in background and character throughout the show. Both their mothers had sacrificed their lives to save them, and then there are many deliberate parallels drawn between Zuko and Katara’s confrontations in the Day of Black Sun and The Southern Raiders, respectively. Of course, there are more, but since I do not have much to add to this subject, I’ll say that perceiving these similarities helps contribute to…

Pair rapport:

We see three standout examples of this from the show in which Zuko and Katara “make positive emotional and behavioral responses” towards each other: In the Crossroads of Destiny, the Southern Raiders, and Sozin's Comet, Part 2: The Old Masters.

(1) Crossroads of Destiny. Zuko and Katara bond over the loss of their mothers in the Crystal Catacombs, allowing themselves to truly see the other for the first time as well as for them to speak civilly and intimately (is this self-disclosure I see?) with each other. Of course, their conversation (on-screen or off-screen) is meaningful enough for Katara to offer to use the Spirit Oasis water to heal Zuko’s scar.

(2) The Southern Raiders. The journey Zuko and Katara take for her to achieve closure (which is something Zuko himself knew was necessary to heal and grow) is the catalyst for Katara forgiving Zuko. Though there is no true “rapport” in the scene where Katara forgives him, all other banter/conversations (in the Ember Island Players and the ATLA finale) between Katara and Zuko are reliant on the moment she forgives him.

(3) Sozin's Comet, Part 2: The Old Masters. In the finale, Zuko experiences a moment of uncertainty before just before he faces his uncle -- his uncle who had always been there for him since the days of his banishment, his uncle had loved him unconditionally even when Zuko did not know that such love was possible, his uncle who loved him like his own son, his uncle who he betrayed in the Crystal Catacombs, his uncle who turned away when he was encased in crystal, too disappointed to look him in the eye. He tells this to Katara -- and what does Katara say to Zuko in response?

“Then he'll forgive you. He will.”

The dialogue speaks for itself. The positive emotional response, the open communication, and the (rightful) encouragement Katara provides, all without invalidating Zuko’s self-doubt, demonstrates the epitome of pair rapport. Further elaboration would simply be me gushing over their dynamic.

Self-disclosure:

Self-disclosure involves revealing intimate feelings. We’re revisiting the same three episodes that we covered up above since they all include self-disclosure.

(1) The Crossroads of Destiny. When he reaches out in the Crystal Catacombs, Zuko reveals something to Katara that he has never told anyone before, perhaps something he didn’t even want to admit to himself -- in response to “the Fire Nation took my mother away from me” he says “that's something we have in common.” And to say that out loud, to say it to himself and Katara when for three whole years he’s been trying to convince himself that the Fire Nation is good and that his father loves him -- there are no words to describe it. It’s both awe-inspiring and heartbreaking to see that Zuko and Katara’s shared pain is what allowed them to see each other as more than the “face of the enemy,” and it’s something so poignant that it forms an immediately profound connection between the two.

(2) The Southern Raiders. On their way to the Fire Nation communications tower on Whale Tail Island, Katara tells the story of her mother’s death, a story that has haunted her memories for years, looming over her as a ghost, a wound that festers into fear to grief to anger. This was the moment that divided Katara’s life into the Before and the After, the one that forced her to abandon childhood and to become a mother to her own brother (as implied by Sokka in his conversation with Toph in the Runaway). And yet this is the first time we see her tell someone her story in the show, full and vivid as if it happened yesterday. Because even though she mentioned her mother before to Aang, Haru, and Jet in order to sympathize with them -- it’s just that. Sympathizing. This time she tells Zuko about her mother’s death for her own sake rather than for another’s. And it’s an incredibly intimate moment, one that is made even more fragile, wrenching, and beautiful by Zuko’s response -- “Your mother was a brave woman.”

(3) Sozin's Comet, Part 2: The Old Masters. Throughout the second half of season 3, Zuko shares his love and insecurities regarding Iroh to every member of the GAang.

In the Firebending Masters, he mentions to Aang offhandedly -- and perhaps too offhandedly, as if he didn’t want to believe it himself -- that Iroh, Dragon of the West, received his honorary title for killing the last dragon.

An episode later in part one of the Boiling Rock, Zuko talks about his uncle with near constancy. He brews tea for the GAang and (endearingly) tries retelling “Uncle’s favorite tea joke.” He tells Sokka, “Hey, hold on. Not everyone in my family is like that… I  meant my uncle. He was more of a father to me. And I really let him down.” He (fails at, adorably) giving advice to Sokka when the rescue mission to the Boiling Rock has begun to look helpless, asking himself “what would Uncle say?” before completely floundering away.

Then, in the Ember Island Players, he shares a sweet moment with Toph, bitterly spitting out that

“...for me, [the play] takes all the mistakes I've made in my life, and shoves them back in my face. My uncle, he's always been on my side, even when things were bad. He was there for me, he taught me so much, and how do I repay him? With a knife in his back. It's my greatest regret, and I may never get to redeem myself.”

Toph, in turn, reveals the thoughtful side to her character, the side that is almost always hidden, telling Zuko that “you have redeemed yourself to your uncle. You don't realize it, but you already have.”

And every one of these moments matter, because we see Zuko’s inner conflict (though this inner conflict does not exist to the extent at which it did at the first half of season 3) and its evolution. First, with Aang, he remains skeptical and disillusioned. Second, with Sokka, his longing for Iroh’s love and presence manifests itself in him imitating his uncle as well as he can. Third, with Toph, he finally admits everything he had been afraid of ever since he saw Iroh’s empty prison cell during the eclipse -- that Iroh is disappointed in him. That Iroh hates him. That Iroh will never accept him again.

And for a moment, with Toph’s encouraging response and Zuko’s resulting little smile, it appears as though Zuko’s internal conflict arc is concluded. But we are wrong -- because in the finale of the show, we are given the true climax and resolution to Zuko’s insecurities, fears, and self-loathing. And who is it that he shares this moment with?

It speaks volumes about Zuko and Katara’s relationship that Katara is the one to comfort Zuko in this scene, in that last moment of hesitation right before he steps inside his uncle’s tent, preparing himself to see his uncle as a completely changed person. As a person who now knows humility and unconditional love. And remember -- selecting Katara to be in this scene is a deliberate narrative choice because ATLA was written by a team of producers and writers, and perhaps even if it wasn’t, it becomes a powerful moment in which Zuko’s arc with Iroh reaches its peak.

Simply having Katara there in this scene already has such a great narrative impact, but then the show gives us some of the most intimate dialogue that Zuko, a naturally closed-off person, delivers (although his emotional outbursts may suggest otherwise, Zuko tends to hide most of his internally conflicting feelings to himself. Hence, he is always able to dramatically monologue about his honor, his country, and his throne -- because he’s trying to convince himself to play a part. But that’s another meta for another day).

Let’s begin by comparing Toph and Zuko’s dialogue with Katara and Zuko’s dialogue because both see the other party validating Zuko’s feelings.

(Warning: the following section plunges deep into the realm of speculation and overanalyzing dialogue. Regarding literature or any media, there are countless ways to interpret the source material, and this is simply one way it could be done.)

_____

Ember Island Players Dialogue:

Toph: Geez, everyone's getting so upset about their characters. Even you seem more down than usual, and that's saying something!

Zuko: You don't get it, it's different for you. You get a muscly version of yourself, taking down ten bad guys at once, and making sassy remarks.

Toph: Yeah, that's pretty great!

Zuko: But for me, it takes all the mistakes I've made in my life, and shoves them back in my face. My uncle, he's always been on my side, even when things were bad. He was there for me, he taught me so much, and how do I repay him? With a knife in his back. It's my greatest regret, and I may never get to redeem myself.

_____

Although Toph and Zuko’s dynamic is one of the most innocent and understanding throughout the show, the conversation begins with Toph joking with a negative connotation -- that “even [Zuko seemed] more down than usual, and that’s saying something!” Thus, the conversation opener is not one that allows for Zuko to easily be emotionally vulnerable, and so he responds bitterly and angrily -- “You don’t get it, it’s different for you” and “...and how do I repay him? With a knife in his back.” By stating that their portrayals in the shows were different, Zuko mentally places a wall between himself and Toph, saying that “[Toph doesn’t] get it.” Then, the rhetorical question Zuko asks himself and the shortness with which he answers the question showcases a forceful and biting tone, indicating that he is covering up his inner turmoil with vehemence. This tendency is something we’ve seen Zuko default to before, whenever he had shouted the oft-mocked “I must restore my honor!” lines in response to a few introspective questions Iroh had asked (though once again, that’s another meta for another day). Now, let’s examine the remainder of their conversation.

_____

Ember Island Players Dialogue Continued:

Toph: You have redeemed yourself to your uncle. You don't realize it, but you already have.

Zuko: How do you know?

Toph: Because I once had a long conversation with the guy, and all he would talk about was you.

Zuko: Really?

Toph: Yeah, and it was kind of annoying.

Zuko: Oh, sorry.

_____

Here we see Toph and Zuko’s conversation take a more serious turn as Toph becomes more sincere. Zuko, however, is still full of self-doubt as he is constantly questioning Toph with “how do you know?” and “really” and “oh, sorry.”

(featured up above: Zuko looking dejected and doubtful.)

Still, the conversation ends on a sweet and inspiring note:

_____

Ember Island Players Dialogue Continued:

Toph: But it was also very sweet. All your uncle wanted was for you to find your own path, and see the light. Now you're here with us. He'd be proud.

_____

Hence, though Zuko and Toph’s conversation displays a heartening and hopeful dynamic, Zuko is ultimately still guarded for the majority of their conversation. Now, let’s look at how Katara approaches Zuko in the Sozin’s Comet, Part 2: The Old Masters.

_____

Sozin’s Comet, Part 2: The Old Masters Dialogue:

Katara: Are you okay?

Zuko: No, I'm not okay. My uncle hates me, I know it. He loved and supported me in every way he could, and I still turned against him. How can I even face him?

Katara: Zuko, you're sorry for what you did, right?

Zuko: More sorry than I've been about anything in my entire life.

_____

In direct contrast to the conversation opener with Toph, Katara begins to engage Zuko with an openly concerned question. And even though Katara never disappointed an Iroh-figure in her life in the way Zuko has, Zuko immediately doesn’t close himself off from her, he doesn’t create a wall that prevents him from revealing his deepest fears to her. During this scene, he neither sounds bitter or angry -- he sounds lost, doubtful, and afraid (perhaps even afraid to hope). This shift in tone is blatant in his voice (thanks to Dante Basco’s line delivery) but even with nothing but the written dialogue, we can note the difference in which he describes his turmoil to Toph and as compared to Katara:

With Toph: “But for me, it takes all the mistakes I've made in my life, and shoves them back in my face. My uncle, he's always been on my side, even when things were bad. He was there for me, he taught me so much, and how do I repay him? With a knife in his back. It's my greatest regret, and I may never get to redeem myself.”

With Katara: “No, I'm not okay. My uncle hates me, I know it. He loved and supported me in every way he could, and I still turned against him. How can I even face him?”

With Katara, the underlying bitterness from his conversation with Toph is toned down to the point of nonexistence, though a part of it is still there. With Toph, Zuko says, “it takes all the mistakes I’ve made in my life, and shoves them back in my face,” which is a rather incensed statement. Meanwhile, by saying, “no, I'm not okay. My uncle hates me, I know it,” Zuko directly addresses his self-loathing without the use of language such as “shoves them back in my face,” the latter of which is reminiscent of how individuals may unthinkingly reveal information in a sudden emotional outburst.

Then, when Katara asks him if he’s sorry for what he did, the words come easily to Zuko, the most easily he admits to his own mistakes after three years of not admitting anything truthful to himself: “More sorry than I've been about anything in my entire life.”

And Katara, just as Toph did, says with the utmost confidence and sincerity, “Then he'll forgive you. He will.”

This moment of affirmation that runs parallel between both dialogues is where Zuko’s responses begin to diverge. Whereas Zuko reacts to Toph with disbelief and doubt, this is how he reacts once he hears Katara’s words:

He takes Katara’s words to heart and accepts them. Because out of all the GAang, Katara is the one who knows the most about forgiving him, who most keenly feels the change he underwent since his betrayal in the catacombs. And so he stands, still nervous but no longer afraid, facing forward towards the future instead of back into his past.

Iroh and Zuko’s relationship is one of the most important ones throughout the entire show, so to see Katara play a pivotal role in a critical point in their dynamic shows just how important Katara’s character is to Zuko (and vice versa, though in here I do touch upon the former in more detail).

Although my analysis on the self-disclosure between Zuko and Katara may have run away from me a bit (due to my love for far-too-in-depth critical analysis), these all show an undeniable bond between Zuko and Katara, displaying a profound friendship rooted in narrative parallels, mutual understanding, and interwoven character arcs. Ultimately, their fulfillment of perceived similarities, pair rapport, and (the one I rambled most on) self-disclosure is what establishes Zuko and Katara as not just a strong platonic bond -- but one that has the potential to transition into a romantic one.

Thus concludes my essay on Zutara’s friendship and its connection with the initial stages of intimacy that are shared between both platonic and romantic bonds. After all that analysis, it would be remiss to simply dismiss the Zutara dynamic as one that would instantly become toxic should they pursue a romantic relationship.

That being said, I will explore the possibility of a romantic relationship between Zuko and Katara and how this connects to the latter stages of intimacy -- role-taking, interpersonal role fit, and dyadic crystallization -- in part 2 of this meta-analysis. Click on the link if you want to read it!

Part 2

Works Cited

(only partially in MLA 8 format because I want to live a little)

Close Relationships: A Sourcebook. By Clyde A. Hendrick & Susan S. Hendrick. Link

“Nonverbal behavior in intimate interactions and intimate relationships.” By P.A Andersen, Laura K. Guerrero, & Susanne M. Jones. Link

“On Becoming ‘More Than Friends’: The Transition From Friendship to Romantic Relationship.” By Laura K. Guerrero & Paul A. Mongeau. Link

The Psychology of Intimacy (The Guilford Series on Personal Relationships). By Karen J. Prager. Link

(If you check some of these links, you may note a few of these sources have been cited quite a few times. With just a bit more research, it appears possible to find a plethora of other sources to corroborate the theory of shared platonic-romantic intimacies.)

Thank you all for reading!

#atla #atla meta #zutara #zutara meta #my bated breath analyzes #research on relationship intimacy #influenced by academic writing #i have more metas coming soon #but until then you can find that i do other writing as well #like fanfiction #check out my fanfiction on the My Writing tab on my blog #please like and reblog to prove Zutara with Facts and Evidence everyone #my bated breath's posts

[radghostgirl]

labels- bi vs pan

when i talk about my sexuality, i use the term bisexual. however, i am attracted to people of all gender identities. i use the term bisexual because recently i have educated myself thoroughly on the history of the queer community, queer theory, bisexuality, and the history of bisexuality.

essentially, sexuality is a spectrum. our attraction goes up to two ways on the spectrum. towards us, away from us, or both. homosexual people experience attraction in the direction towards themselves. meaning they are sexually attracted to people who are the same gender identity as them. their arrow moves one way- as in homo.

heterosexual people experience attraction the opposite way- they’re attracted to people who identify as something that is not their gender identity.

bisexual people go both ways: towards their own gender identity, and away. meaning bisexual people do not like men and women because of the term “bi” meaning two. bisexual people are attracted both to their same gender identity, and others.

this is where the debate surrounding the term “pansexual” arrives. pansexual is meant to mean bisexual, but attracted to every gender (including non-binary, third gender, gender fluid, and transgender people). bisexual and pansexual people are the same. but some people will use pansexual to imply that in some way, bisexual people are only attracted to cis men and women.

which is blatantly false. never mind the fact that the bisexual flag has a purple stripe for nonbinary people. never mind the fact that the literal 1990 Bisexual Manifesto outwardly states not to assume the concept of “two genders”.

bisexual people have been dating people of all gender identities the whole time. and bisexual has never meant that it excluded trans people. there is a false interpretation of the term pansexual that somehow, bi people are discriminating against non cis folks. which is both biphobic, and transphobic, as well as overall gross!

all of that to be said, i don’t hate people who identify as pan. the term pansexual was not around when i came out, nor was much education on queer theory or history. i formed such a strong bond with the term bisexual because it was what i used to describe my identity. it was finally a word to describe who i am. i recognize that there are many people who have that experience with the term pansexual, and i in no way want to invalidate them or take that away.

but i want people to be aware of what bisexual means. it’s the same thing as pansexual. on top of that, all bisexuals are different. certain people will have preferences, certain people won’t. this idea that bisexuality doesn't include anyone outside of the gender binary is false. and the idea that bisexuality means a limited amount of gender identities is also false.

i could make a whole post about the history of bisexuality, but instead i will simply link some articles that explain it in depth. TW because some of these are much more aggressive, and at points more insensitive, than i am about this.

i admit i struggle with the idea that people need a whole other sexuality label to imply that bisexuals suddenly only adhere to the gender binary, or are transphobic. i struggle to see how this isn’t inherently biphobic. if your reasoning is that it’s too complicated to describe basic queer theory, that in and of itself is homophobic. if you're not willing to educate yourself on the history of bisexuality, on queer theory, or about the community in any meaningful way, but you're willing to argue against and invalidate the identities of millions of people throughout history? you're just a piece of shit.

that being said.

i am not going to run around telling pansexual people their identity is invalid. if you came out as pansexual and that term meant to you what the term bisexual meant to me, i won’t ever take that away from you. (i literally cannot emphasize enough that i am not trying to take away a term, to cancel anyone, or to say they're wrong or fake. i simply want to spread education that our very fucking cishet society keeps trying to squash. i won't let them pretend it doesn't exist.)

i just want to push for education, acceptance, and awareness.

bisexuality is valid in and of its own existence. that is all i am trying to say.

#a friendly reminder that i block any and all minors who interact w my blog in any way #and not only is it my right to do so #but i would argue that i am obligated to do so as an adult online #tumblr fucked me up as a kid and i will not be part of that happening to anyone else if i can reasonably avoid it. #bisexual #pansexual #queer #queer theory #tw biphobia #biphobia #gay #lgbtq #discourse #homophobia #transphobia #trans #trans pride #bi pride #bisexual pride #bisexuality #pansexuality #biphobic #biphobes fuck off #biphobes dni #lgbtq history #lgbtqia #idk what else to tag #like i dont wanna get murdered by people for this #im kinda scared #i am going to block a fuck ton of minors if this starts getting attention

[bootlegsymphony]

Being Hopeful [a *personal* Komahina writeup]

*major Danganronpa 2/2.5/3 spoilers ahead*

Someone told me to gather my thoughts into a post so here it is.

Note: Unless you’re up for a challenge to potentially reshape your opinions towards certain ships, if you think Komahina is by default a toxic ship in anyway shape or form, or if you firmly believe that Hinanami is “bestest Hinata ship OTP owo”, it’s not in your best interest to read this post. I’m not suggesting you are invalid or wrong, but you’re likely not the group of people I’m looking forward to having a constructive and evoking conversation with.

First off, I might have been recognized as an avid Komahina shipper, and my opinions towards Hinanami could be generally summarized as ambivalent/mixed/minorly favourable. I was able to acknowledge Hina/Nami’s relationship as of roughly equivalent significance in regard to DR2’s theme.

But it was impossible for me to consider the two relationships narratively equal, I was able to notice that Koma/Hina was a “meant to be” endgame relationship right of the bat, yet Hina/Nami reads as this transitory experience of an obscure puppy love, or “yeah that happened” that’s melancholic and beautiful. Evidently, the narrative strongly favoured Koma/Hina in terms of screentime, development, complexity, compatibility, and endgame potentials.

I wasn’t too confident about why Komahina screams an ultimate destination of a Hinata relationship to me, yet Hina/Nami never convey a remotely similar message. In many aspects, I didn’t ship Komahina in the past for the sake of “I want Komaeda to savour happiness” but placed more emphasis on “it would be wise for Hinata if he could ascertain that his future is with Komaeda”. However I couldn’t elucidate why I thought so.

But due to some unexpected changes in my personal life, it was so effortless for me to reach an epiphany why Hinanami couldn’t quite be the same Hinata-OTP as Komahina. And now I’m kicking myself for not being able to be more adamant about it earlier.

In short, I had a brief taste of how “true bond” or “true connection” functions. It was an estranged, uncharted experience to me prior to that “sudden change”. And in retrospect it’s unimaginable how I survived that bitter life of pure bleakness without it. But since I was able to discern the characteristics of a “true bond”, Koma/Hina, while being excruciatingly complicated and bitter in canon timeline, had a great foundation for that nonetheless, while Hina/Nami was, fundamentally “deficient” in this specific department.

Hina/Nami, either the DR2 or DR3 iteration, doesn’t go beyond being a fine relationship. It’s not bad, as adolescent crushes are typically not bad. It’s functional and somewhat sweet if Hinata was just some normal shy boy who at some point met a nice caring pretty girl. But a great, monumental relationship doesn’t come from being just fine, and Hinata is much more messy than a such-and-such average joe as what a part of the fandom preferred to project him as.

But Hinata wasn’t an adequate rival and foil for Komaeda, that ridiculously multilayered character likely in all fictions for nothing.

For starter, Hinata committed Izuru Kamakura and countless war crimes, for fuck’s sake.

I had this pessimistic outlook that humans aren’t truly designated at birth to understand each other unless they are. Real life Nanami being the talented, worthy Ultimate Gamer she was, even if she could acknowledge and validate Hinata’s struggles as a talentless person, and brought him some temporary comfort and solace, she could not understand the full spectrum of complications the struggle itself entails. Being the kind and somewhat compassionate person she was, she’d try to understand Hinata if he ever decided to open up, but she’d likely just go “yeah talent doesn’t really matter you should just be confident in yourself” as long as she’s not some Ultimate Empath like Makoto (or Junko) all at the same time. To her, Hinata’s decision to Izuru-fy is unfavorable, but not particularly tangible.

It’s somewhat similar to a moderately affluent person not knowing what an impoverished/economically-challenged life entails, they could never understand why it’s necessary for anyone to opt for crimes and prostitution and shit, if you could just “yeah money doesn’t matter you should be happy” your way out of it. Why is it necessary to choose a life path of crimes and prostitution? Why is it necessary to Izuru-fy oneself? It’s the perpetual predicament of mutual understanding in humankind. No matter how sweet and wholesome on the surface that ship appeared, Nanami would hardly ever reach Hinata’s soul beyond skin-deep, if the talent/worth debate, the rigorous societal expectations, the everlasting emotional quagmire of being under-loved and under-appreciated...everything which gradually carved out Hinata’s pivotal character (that we know of) from his embryo, was a non-issue to Nanami at core.

If there was a portion of Hinata yearning for true connection in an intimate relationship (which I doubt he didn’t), his relationship with Nanami would eventually turn insufficient or dissatisfactory, despite feeling nice on the exterior.

Normally, people don’t realize they’re empty until they’re fulfilled.

But who else struggled immensely with the entanglement between talent and worth throughout their life? Who else once resolved to obliterate their own precious being in pursuit of an almost delusional ideal of hope as Hinata did, so that they could potentially speak to Hinata on the deepest, hidden stratum of his soul?

Komaeda.

It always pains me to read Komaeda’s first FTE where he suggested Hinata’s ultimate talent could be “Ultimate Serenity” because Hinata granted him some inner peace “just by being there”. Knowing Komaeda’s mind it’s a nearly impossible feat to make him feel peaceful. Komaeda likely didn’t even consider that a legitimate talent, he inwardly viewed Hinata “being there” as inherently valuable but he couldn’t even tell. Yet Hinata failed to just, be there, be existent.

And, I always considered Komaeda sustaining himself being alive to be a monument on its own, yet 2-5 happened, for Hope, I believed.

I once had a mentally stimulating talk about how emotional and intellectual transparency lead to a solid foundation of “true love” among people with someone before. They even expressed, months ago, that if Hinata could just speak up about his problems with Nanami he wouldn’t have necessarily Izuru-fied himself.

Yet even being the aloof and reserved fucker he was, Hinata wouldn’t camouflage himself in front of Komaeda. Komaeda saw through him even if he was having a hard time deciding on how he should have felt himself. He voiced, various times throughout DR2, that “we have similar scents” “I thought you would understand me” “we’re both miserable bystanders” “I couldn’t see you as completely separate from me”. On the surface it seemed like Komaeda was being cryptic and dragging Hinata to his level, but given how we knew Hinata took even more drastic measures as escapism, were they even that different?

It was why exactly Komahina dynamic was so embittered and resentful in the canon timeline. It was not hatred, but involuntary intimacy. Hinata was emotionally stripped naked (sorry, not to evoke any erotic visualizations, just a convenient metaphor) when it’s not even Komaeda’s intention, and Komaeda’s always emotionally naked. It didn’t turn out well not because it was a fundamentally dysfunctional dynamic, but they simply met each other in the worst, most despairful and unluckiest timeline possible. With continuous manslaughters ongoing, it’s only palpable that baring your soul to someone as dangerous as Komaeda would be intimidating, but it still had that mesmerizingly entrancing aura, especially in Komaeda’s last FTE.

They had no choice of not knowing each other well.

Unless either of them died, which they both did. But an ultimate future was born and they were granted a second chance to finally reach the destination they deserved.

In a post-HPA scenario, Komahina was not only somewhat contextually implied as Hinata’s endgame, but it was deliberately set up as a generally hopeful relationship as well. Kodaka once suggested in an interview that post-HPA Hajizuru inherited Hinata’s emotions, so that he was able to sort out his considerably complex feelings for Komaeda as it left off; meanwhile with Izuru’s analytical skills and insights into human psychology, it would likely become not as cumbersome. With Hinata’s determination and persistence it would hopefully not only cure Komaeda’s terminal illnesses, but also “heal” Komaeda from his hope fetish and other cruddy coping mechanisms, with all the support and dedication Hinata could provide. Hinata, being emotionally identical to his past self, would likely occasionally experience insecurity and low self-esteem as well, and it could require Komaeda’s weird little method of presenting challenges/creating minor inconveniences for Hinata in order to help him build up self-agency and develop infallible self-assurance.

It’s kind of the Ultimate Love that survived all the trials and tribulations, and to think of that the Ultimate Tragedy gave birth to the Ultimate Love, huh, seems about right for our two Ultimate Lucks.

#nagito komaeda #hajime hinata #komahina #komahinawriteup #Komaeda Essay Club #dr2meta #danganronpa2

[tonotbelionized]

The Mentality of Adam Taurus

Note: Before I start on this post, I would just like to say this point. This is not a post that excuses or tries to downplay Adam’s behaviour and abuse of Blake, as well as his actions against the people around him. I simply wanted to write what was going on in his mind and delve deeper into this psychology with help of someone who actually has a degree in it!

Adam Taurus is most certainly a hated character in the FNDM and the show, and for good reason. He’s manipulative, violent, and abusive terrorist and wishes genocide and subjugation on innocent people. His actions have severe effects not only on his main victim, Blake, but Yang Xiao Long, the cutting off her arm by him leaving her with PTSD and exhaustion from her trauma.

But how exactly did he end up to be this person? 

It’s very much the argument of not only nature vs nurture but also how underlying mental issues can impact on someone through the years. We’ll see through Adam’s history and see how the events of the past have had an affect not only on Adam, but the cycle of abuse in relation to his character.

Adam’s Childhood in the SDC

Adam’s childhood has never been shown or explored in canon material, so much so that we don’t know at what age he was branded, escaped or even joined the White Fang, but we at least have some idea from what we’ve seen in RWBY and in other materials. 

From his theme song; Lionized, and what Blake had given about the treatment of the Faunus under the SDC, we can safely assume that Adam’s childhood in the dust mines was not that of a normal childhood. His own parents were never mentioned, whether they were there at all or dead is unknown, but that would leave Adam in a very poor situation; no positive role models and people to teach him important lessons. 

A child needs positive role models in their life because it’s through the people around them that the child learns not only how to act when around other people, but also how to behave in society as a whole. If that role model is not a positive influence, or even there at all, then the child is left either learning that toxic behaviours are okay or having to learn lessons themselves. This just increases the risk of the child learning the wrong lessons, but also has them landing hard when they failure without the adult there to cushion the consequences of the child messing up.

In the working environment of the SDC, Adam was probably raised in an environment that is extremely damaging to a child. His primary source of socialization, a role that is given to parents and siblings in a family dynamic, is not there in Adam’s case because all the workers are on the same level with the superiors of the company above them in a position of power that is canonically abused. This would leave Adam alone with no one around him to teach him like a parent would, and so he has had to stumble around while growing up in a home where someone would be abused severely if they did something wrong.

This culminates in his branding. The reasons behind his branding are unknown, but he has said that people have hurt him before, in all different ways, so it’s likely that this branding was done specifically to hurt Adam. This is an incredibly painful lesson for a minor to learn, and because of this isolation that Adam suffered from previously is never resolved, he would have had to deal with this traumatic experience alone. Eventually, it was just buried and never properly dealt with in a healthy way to allow Adam to move on from it.

This isolation stemmed from his childhood explains his behaviour later on in life. Adam had no one to rely on, he had no concrete role models to learn from or to be taught important lessons as he grew up, and this meant that when he eventually found someone that he loved, Blake, he treated the relationship in a toxic and abusive way. 

First Years in the White Fang

Adam had been in the White Fang for longer enough that he saw Ghira in charge, before he stepped down five years before the start of the series. Most of his years during this time is shown in his character short just before Volume 6′s release,and it’s where we’ll be looking at most for this part of the topic.

It’s unknown how old Adam was when he joined the White Fang, but he had already been branded by the time he did so. All throughout the short, we are shown how he changes over the years with his mental state and past trauma affecting him, as well as the events that happen to him. With the White Fang, Adam is finally in a group where he’s on equal ground with everyone except Ghira and Sienna, who are both in a position of power over the rest of White Fang members.

His sense of identity had been brought down from his time in the SDC as a worker, especially with his dehumanization because of his Faunus heritage, and it’s a problem in the White Fang that continues. He isn’t now seen as his own person, but rather a part of an overall group, and both Sienna and Ghira actually don’t seem to care enough to change this fact. In fact, both their behaviour would likely confused Adam even more just because of how contradictory they are.

This isn’t to say that they are at fault for Adam becoming a monster. His actions are his own, but I found it interesting on the effect it would have on him with how both leaders treated him. All of Ghira’s shown interactions with Adam have been negative reinforcement, and it comes at a time where we see that Adam actually isn’t as violent as he would be later on in his life. He handled all the humans attacking the Faunus group in an effective non-life threatening way, the only life he takes comes when he had no other choice, and he would believe that it’s the only way he can protect Ghira.

So when Ghira chastises him for doing so, Adam’s body language shows that he’s actually ashamed of what he did. His head is hung low, his shoulders are down and he doesn’t look up at Ghira. I noticed while watching that Ghira doesn’t actually explain why Adam’s actions were wrong in a way that Adam would take in, he’s more angry and scolding rather than calmly explaining. Going off what we said about Adam not having someone in his early life teaching him right from wrong and explaining why he couldn’t do certain things, it shows just why Adam doesn’t seem to take the advice to heart after that. 

I’m not saying that it’s Ghira’s responsibility to teach Adam because of his age and the fact that he isn’t Ghira’s son, but I am saying that this behaviour does have an effect on Adam nonetheless. If Ghira doesn’t explain something in a constructive way, how is Adam supposed to learn a lesson that he’s never been taught?

All of a sudden, Sienna’s positive reinforcement completely contradicts what Ghira is saying. All of a sudden what Adam did was right rather than wrong, and he is clearly surprised that people who previously did nothing when Ghira told him off were cheering what Adam did. He would definitely stick to any positive interaction he can get, and that’s why he goes to Sienna over Ghira. Both of these would no doubt confuse him even more because they both validate and invalidate his actions at the same time, and without the emotional maturity that he should have at that age,

I’d also like to add that his mask also adds to the dehumanization Adam feels, and it’s telling that he continues to wear it even when he’s in the White Fang, a place he’s supposedly among allies and fellow Faunus. Him pushing other Faunus to wear them could be Adam pushing his own dehumanization onto others, as well as the obvious implication that he’s ashamed of his scar. 

Egotistical and Egocentric

There are plenty of characters that I would call egotistical, most of all Jacques, but I do have to explain the differences in which egotistical and egocentric are used and how it applies to Adam.

Egotistical is a person who is excessively conceited or obsessed with themselves. It’s basically someone who thinks of themselves in high regard.

Egocentric is a person who thinks more of themselves in terms of their problems, showing an inability to take into other peoples’ accounts. 

Because of this, egotistical is more self-importance while egocentric is more isolationist, and I would use the term egocentric to describe Adam as opposed to egotistical. His whole problem is what Blake told Sun in Volume 5, that Adam had been so hurt in the past that he can no longer see past that trauma and would instead hurt the world in the exact same way. He’s grown spiteful and believes that his problems are the only ones that matter, and that everyone else who’ve suffered are weak and pathetic.

Adding onto that, the term egocentric is also applied to the period in a child’s life, usually between the ages of 2 - 7, where they have a very black and white view of the world in which they’re the only one that matters. Reading into Adam’s behaviour and words later in his life, and I can pretty safely say that he’s never been raised out of that part of his life because of his situation. This stage going into the White Fang where he’s now being praised for his actions doesn’t push Adam to grow out of it, and we’re now left with a man who reacts violently when people challenge those same decisions.

If we start looking at his actions with these points in mind, then it makes his character and mindset much more interesting.

Foil to Yang & Their Relationship to Blake

Adam serves as a foil to multiple people in RWBY; Sun Wukong, Ilia Amitola, and Yang Xiao Long. Because of the other two either not having a deep enough backstory form to compare, or being a less major character story wise, I will be focusing solely on the foil between Adam and Yang. 

Yang was very much raised in a normal household with Summer Rose and Taiyang, but even then it wasn’t completely happy after Summer’s disappearance and Taiyang’s depression. Despite this rough part of her life, Yang was still raised with a deeply mature outlook on life despite her seemingly carefree nature, she is deeply empathetic and is even the voice of reason during her time in Beacon. She understood that Ruby needed other people to bring her out of her shell, and was willing to given Blake a chance to explain after her revelation over being a Faunus. It’s clearly obvious that Taiyang, and Summer in her early years, had managed to raise Yang past that stage that Adam has been stuck in.

On the other hand, Adam didn’t have that same security in a family and was raised in a strictly abusive environment. This would have the effect on him not only knowing what healthy relationships looked like and believe that what was done to him is the right thing to do, but also meaning that Adam lacked that same maturity and empathy that Yang herself possesses. He’s unable to comprehend people who don’t think the same way that he does, and because of that he simply believes that their wrong in thinking that way.

It’s most apparent in his interaction with Blake during the fall of Beacon:

Blake: I never wanted this! I wanted equality! I wanted peace! Adam: What you wanted was impossible!

He can’t understand why Blake would want equality or peace with the humans, because that’s not what he wanted. In his mind, because her beliefs contradicted his own, that meant that Blake was wrong in thinking so and that what she wanted could never be achieved.

This difference in their raising continues on to how they both handle their similar fears; the fact that they don’t want to be left alone, and how this fear had then affected their relationship with Blake. Adam and Blake’s relationship was not only incredibly toxic and damaging for Blake, but only served as something that Adam could use to chain the one person he cared about to himself. His idea of love is emotional manipulation and gaslighting, and when the person of his affections acts out, he quickly shuts it down with shouting or physical violence, because that’s what’s been done to him when he did the same thing, and he had never learnt that behaving this way is not healthy.

That fear of being alone is in direct connection to the fact that when Adam had been severely traumatised, he was left to deal with the consequences alone. The thought that Blake would leave him in that situation would push him to do whatever he could to keep her with him, and when she ultimately left him, he couldn’t handle that isolation again and instead turned it to anger because he thought it was Blake’s fault for leaving, that it was her fault for not behaving or loving him enough. It’s very similar to Yang’s idea that everyone ultimately leaves them in the end, but it’s how they deal with this fear is what sets them apart so much.

Unlike Yang, Adam never got over this fear.

Yang herself had been shaped so much by people leaving her behind that she has severe abandonment issues, that like Adam she took Blake leaving her negatively because of this past trauma. However, unlike Adam’s reasonings being that it’s all Blake’s fault for leaving, Yang was only angry at Blake because she wasn’t told why she left, just like she never knew why her biological mother left either. Yang never thought that she had the right for Blake to stay, whereas Adam did.

Even with her abandonment issues, Yang is clearly miles better mentally than Adam even after her dismemberment and developing PTSD. She has never took out her frustrations on anyone around her, rather internalizing the problems and going on to help others, and even when she snaps at Weiss and Ruby in Volume 5, she’s clearly remorseful and goes to remove herself from the situation. 

Adam does not know how to deal with fear, frustration or anger in a healthy way like Yang does, and because of this he instead takes it out on people in the way that it had been taken out on him, because that’s all he knows. He shows in knowledge in when he’s overstepped a boundary, and when he does, Adam shows no remorse in his actions. Even when he rarely apologizes for his behaviour, such as in his short, he does so in a way that the attention is brought back to him and his own problems in that egocentric manner. 

I find it interesting in how they handle their decline in mental health. Whereas Adam keeps going down in this downward spiral, ultimately ending up in this place of isolation just like he was in the beginning, Yang ultimately pushed herself to recover and surrounded herself with her friends and family. She ends up in a better place with companionship to offset Adam’s isolation, and it’s this distinction that separates their relationship to Blake.

Adam’s relationship with her is now completely destroyed, and it ends with Blake finally killing Adam in self defense. Yang’s relationship with her is restored, and they both can start to recover after the trauma they both have suffered.

The Cycle of Abuse 

Adam’s not the only character to portray this subject in RWBY, especially when Salem was given an entire episode where we saw what she went through and why she developed into this villain, but he was the first abuser to appear in the show with his debut in the Black Trailer. 

Ultimately, he embodies the very real idea that a person who had been abused and hurt in the past is at risk of becoming that same abuser to another victim later on down the road. His branding and childhood in the SDC wasn’t an excuse for him to become the monster he did, but they did explain why his mind state had decayed to the point that we saw in the show. 

I know that some people actually don’t really like his writing, and I will admit that at first I particularly didn’t, but after going through this post, I feel that at least his actions aren’t completely random or one-dimensional now. To me at least, they make sense given what he’s been through, and I believe that this is what makes him at least a competent villain in the writing sense even if some of his writing still doesn’t appeal to me. 

That’s all I really have to say about this character. I likely have missed something in my jumbled notes, but honestly this is the basic jist of what I wanted to get across. Please, don’t take any of this as myself saying that everyone except Adam is responsible for his behaviour, because ultimately it was Adam’s decision to do all the things he did. I’m only offering explanations, never excuses.

Either way, thanks for reading this!

#rwby #crtq #adam taurus #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #ghira belladonna #sienna khan #I still don't know if I like how I've tried to get my views across but hopefully it's all good

[foxcantswim]

Infinity Reactor 3000

@sammythedragon1 @averagemarvelbitch @nineandthreequarters9 @magitech27 @do-i-draw-or-write-this @stark-eftychia

Post Endgame (Minor Spoilers)

Infinity Reactor 3000

Stephen has created a new Arc Reactor for Tony and now the mechanic has to come to terms with the feelings he possesses for the sorcerer. Friday definitely has something to say about it.

IronStrange - Tony Stark x Stephen Strange Characters: Tony, Stephen, Friday, Dummy, Goose + Carol (mentioned)

Fluff

-x-

"Mr. Stark?"

"What's up, Friday?" Tony asked in frustration, looking around his lab at the scattered metal parts. His progress of a new Iron Man suit had been slow due to his right arm being in a cast. He kicked a part away from him in annoyance.

"I seem to be having issues with my coding, sir."

"Oh? What's the problem?" he asked, sitting down in his chair, slight worry laced his voice. He pulled up a file in the air, "I've run a quick diagnostics and I'm not really seeing the error here."

"I've been experiencing something, sir."

"And what is this something?" he asked as got rid of the file, "Don't keep me on edge!"

"Disgust."

"That is... Not what I was expecting you to say." he paused, "What er... What are you disgusted at, Fri?" he wondered as messed around with some wiring with his fingers.

"You may not like my answer."

"I won't be mad. You can say it's my face because lets be honest... It has seen better days."

"No, boss. It's not your face. You are looking as handsome as ever."

Tony chuckled, "Aw, Friday. You flatter me." he smiled, "Okay, seriously... What is it? I promise I won't replace you with a new AI."

"You are terrible at keeping promises, sir... It involves Doctor Strange."

"Strange?" Tony questioned, "Why are you disgusted with Stephen?"

"I'm not disgusted with Stephen as a person, sir."

He groaned, leaning back in his chair, "I'm getting old, Friday! You're losing me!"

"I'm disgusted with how you act around him." she finally answered.

A spark flew from the wiring after Tony gripped it just a bit too tight, he flinched and let it fall back into the shell of a helmet.

"You should be careful with that, sir."

A familiar meow of amusement echoed throughout the lab.

"Don't you start." Tony warned as he turned around in his chair to face Goose. She was sitting in the doorway, "Or I'll leave you stranded in space."

Goose suddenly roared, tentacles flew out of her mouth in an attempt to threaten Tony.

Once Goose was back to 'normal', Tony's face still possessed a blank expression. He rolled his eyes before turning back around to face the helmet on the table once again. His eyes suddenly looked down at himself, slowly trailing to the new arc reactor that was within his chest.

Strange had helped him create it. It was infused with a fragment from the Time Stone. It was the only thing that was keeping him alive after the snap.

Tony had always been fond with Stephen. He always managed to match his sarcasm, whit, humour. Everything. He had never been happier to see the wizard appear after they managed to get everybody back. He knew he felt something... But he was blind to see it himself.

All the pieces connected once Stephen had saved him. The sorcerer was immediately by his side after he snapped his fingers, getting rid of the purple grape for good. Being the Sorcerer Supreme definitely helped in saving his life. And when Strange had taken Tony to the Sanctum, showing him plans of an Arc Reactor infused with a piece of the Time Stone... Tony knew exactly what his feelings were.

It had taken a few weeks to create the 'Infinity Reactor' as Tony had called it. Stephen called it the 'Arc of Agamotto'. They couldn't really come to a decision. (The Ancient One wasn't too fond with the idea of Stephen using the Time Stone to keep Tony alive. But once she knew about Tony being the one to end Thanos' reign, she couldn't say no to Stephen.)

Afterall. There were only two outcomes where Thanos was defeated. One where Tony died a horrible death, sitting on the battlefield. And another where Tony lived, with the power of the Time Stone flowing throughout him.

Stephen had kept Tony in his astral body for the majority of the time during the building process, only allowing him back into his physical body whenever he needed help with a wire or two. He didn't want to risk Tony dying to the post-snap effects.

It took around a month before Tony was able to talk coherently again. And It took around five months for him to be able to walk properly again without help, Stephen thought it would take longer. But he was amazed at Tony's strength to get through everything.

A smile formed on the mechanic's face as he saw the light on his chest glow bright blue. There was an occasional green light swirling throughout. Everytime he saw that green, it always reminded him of Stephen.

"Boss." Friday spoke, breaking Tony away from his thoughts, "It appears that Goose has thrown up again."

"Are you kidding me?!" Tony exclaimed, standing and turning around to face the Flerken, "Goose! What did I tell you about doing that in the lab?!"

Somehow, Goose portrayed pure sass and smugness.

"Stephen was right. You are a pain."

Goose purred, clearly pleased with herself.

Tony sighed, clicking his fingers, "Dummy!" he called and pointed at the mess, "Clean that up."

"Please." Friday added.

He sat back down harshly, he was frustrated in so many different ways. He winced slightly as a jolt of pain rushed through his arm.

"Sir. I have detected an anomaly within your recovery. I have contacted Doctor Strange."

"That was unnecessary, Friday. Call him and tell him I'm fi-"

He was cut off by the familiar orange glow and faint sound of a portal. A slight gust of wind pushed some papers to the ground as the portal finally opened.

"Anthony Edward Stark, If you are overworking yourself again... I swear I'm going to keep you in your Astral form."

Tony never got tired of that voice.

As Stephen stepped through the portal, Tony portrayed fake offence, "How dare you. I'm ill. I don't need abuse from you."

The portal closed as Stephen approached, his eyes landed on Goose. He saw her sitting down next to a pile of... Something... Dummy slowly rolled over and 'extinguished' the mess. Tony had a look of utter disappointment across his face.

"Goose." Stephen nodded with a look of confusion. He shook his head and made his way over to Tony, "Now. Lets have a look at you."

"Stephen, I'm fine." Tony tried to assure as Stephen's hand came to his 'Infinity Reactor'. Stephen gave it an experimental tap and saw the power of the Time Stone flow throughout it.

"Friday tells me otherwise." he paused, "Your reactor could do with an upgrade or two. Just something a bit more stronger to contain the power of the stone. Shouldn't be a problem." he leaned in closer as his eyes then looked at his arm, "The nanites seem to be doing fine. Perhaps they are working a bit too slow but that shouldn't matter. I will go through a few tests once I'm back at the Sanctum."

"Stephen." Tony grabbed the sorcerer's wrist as he reached for his damaged arm, "I'm. Fine. You know I would let you know if I wasn't feeling good."

"We both know that's a lie." Stephen smiled. His eyes scanned the man's face, "At least that's healing." the sorcerer nodded to his right cheek, "Looks a lot better than it did last week. It will clear up within in a month."

A look of shock immediately appeared on Tony's face, "I'll have you know that Friday thinks I'm looking as handsome as ever, so your comment is inval-." Stephen cut him off by shaking his hand out of Tony's grip and placed it on his cheek, "I-Invalid." Tony muttered before clearing his throat.

Stephen smiled at the sight of Tony's reddening face, "Yes. That is definitely healing at an acceptable rate." he stepped back, his hand fell in the process, "The anomaly that Friday detected must've been caused by your stress levels. I can see that you are overworking yourself, Tony..." Tony was about to speak but Stephen quick cut in, "I know you want to finish you suit. But you need to take your time. You need more rest." he spoke softly.

Tony saw it. The look in Stephen's eyes.

At that moment, he had slight hope that maybe. Just maybe Stephen had some sort of feelings for him.

Tony slowly stood from his seat and moved so he stood directly in front of Stephen.

Stephen raised an eyebrow, "You're a lot shorter than I remember. Mr Tiny Stark."

"Shut up, Strange." he said before his hand came to the back of the sorcerer's neck, pulling him down into a short but sweet kiss. Tony was shocked as Stephen almost instantly reciprocated, his hands were quickly on the mechanic's waist. A sigh of relief escaped Tony as they pulled away.

Stephen smiled down at him.

"Disgust." Friday.

Tony shook his head with a chuckle, ignoring Friday, "Okay, Doctor. I want to strike a deal with you."

Stephen's smile faded in confusion, "A deal? For what?"

"I promise to take it easy and sleep more..."

"If?"

"If you kiss me again, wizard."

The wizard rolled his eyes as his smile reappeared before leaning down to peck the man on lips once again, "I hate you, Stark."

"And I love you times 3000, Strange." Tony hadn't meant to say that. It just felt right after they had literally be dancing around each for months and months.

"Tony, I-" Stephen flinched as Goose jumped up onto the table next to them, this caused both of them to look towards the Flerken.

Tony groaned as he stepped away, causing the taller man's hands to fall from his waist. Tony slightly heaved, "Oh, God... The smell coming from that cat. I don't think I've ever smelt anything worse."

The sorcerer chuckled as he stepped away from the table, too, "Flerken. Not a cat."

"She's a cat."

"Well that cat has demonic tentacles that come out of its mouth. Yeah. Definitely not a Flerken."

Tony sighed, "Danvers needs to pick this cat up now."

"One: It's a Flerken. Two: It's only been two days since she left Goose here. It's your fault for agreeing to look after her for a week."

Stepping over the mess on the floor, Tony pointed at Dummy, "You are a disgrace to Stark Industries."

Stephen shook his head, "Don't insult Dummy. Or I won't kiss you again."

"Oh, Stephie. My dear wizard. You couldn't resist me." he said, making his way out the door of the lab, "It's still a cat by the way!" he shouted over his shoulder.

"Flerken!"

"Cat!"

"Flerken." Friday added.

"Caaaaat!~"

The smile on Stephen's face grew as he followed Tony.

As Stephen caught up with Tony he muttered, "It's still a Flerken."

Tony looked at him with a smirk, "If you don't shut up I will slap you."

"Yeah. Go for it with your broken arm."

Stephen would have to tell him later that he too loved him times 3000.

#avengers #endgame #marvel #mcu #ironstrange #iron man #doctor strange #tony stark #stephen strange #tony x stephen #i love you 3000 #goose the cat #flerken #captain marvel #carol danvers #fluff #humour #humor #fanfiction #fanfic

[storyofmyownlife]

End of The Decade

I started this about 9 years ago for a very simple reason-I was hooked on the tv show called Akward. Jenna, the main protagonist of the show, likes to write blogs about her life as a way to cope and express how she feels. Awe inspired, I decided to create my own anonymous blog with the hopes that cathartic venting and documenting the past can help me navigate the present. For the last couple if years, l had been given many opportunities to taste the bittersweet feelings of life. Truth to be told, I have never thought I would be here writing this blog to end the decade. The earlier entries can attest to this. Ten years a go my life was in shambles. I had a broken family, broken English, and the broken will to live.

My father, two siblings and I arrived in Canada on April of 2009 to finally live with my mom. With little regards of the past, I cherished the brand new start to live a life without prejudice. I felt very little emotion when I left the Philippines because I knew deep down I could finally escape the invalidation of others of how I suppose to love. Of course, then, I was naive to think that I wouldn't felt that way ever again- I was completely wrong. It did not take long before everything start to turn sour. Us siblings did not get a long. We did not group together and we did not know how to live with one another. My mom and dad started to fight a lot. Almost every night. My dad started drinking a lot for many reasons that I know now and understood, but not completely forgiven. He misses his old life back in his home country- the life of the party and his other family. My mom push him to work and help with bills. Just like my sister and my brother and I, My mom and dad did live apart for many years. The feeling of living with my whole family was foreign to me. A month after arrival, the incident happened. The police came and for many months the social worker came and visit us. The resentment between us siblings began to build up. For many months, my brother and I blamed my sister for telling the truth. Knowing what I knew now she did the right thing. Nevertheless, my brother and I alienated her.

I also had broken English. I did not make a lot of friends in Grade 8. I was that loner kid who would spend every day during lunch alone and would walk on the school ground by himself. My sister and my brother got their own friends. I wanted to make my own but couldnt. On the bright side, my brother became friends with the guy name Denver. He is one of the only few people in our lives who never left for the past decade. He is still with us.

I started high school. I made more friends who are Filipino. We all kind of form this group. Denver is also part of it. Within that inner group, we had more inner clique called cajibo. I'm not going to disclose who they are because I no longer associate myself with them and it does not matter. There were also four girls who called themselves kimfejeny and they became part of the inner group. Regardless of what happened in the end, they taught me a lot of things about life. For the first time, they made me feel what is like to find a family in a group of random strangers. I must admit they helped us work throughout with some of the traumas. We had crazy dreams together, we spent so many adventures together, and they taught me the life is not as simple as black and white. It all ended because I cared too much and told the truth when it was not my place to do so. Inspite of if all, there were some silver linings to it.

I worked hard to improve my english and move in advance english. My ESL teacher helped me a lot. I improved my academic performance in no time. I also began to developed new relationships. My brother and I became more close to Daniel, Alen, Kith, and Alden. I also began to listen to Taylor Swift's music. She did help me cope with unreciprocated love, broken hearts, and the unpredictability of life. I swear I had crush on couple of people at my high school. I'm just gonna name them here for memories sake- adam, alden, aiah, and andrew.

As time went by, I started thinking about my future. After taking few courses, I knew that I have a passion for literature and history. During my junior and senior years, I took classes in philosophy, history, and law. I was no good in math. Science was okay. I actually got the biology award college level and made it to the honor roll in grade 11 and 12.

In my senior year, this girl name Chelsea asked me out to go to the prom with her. I tagged a long with her friends. They were also friends kimfejeny and some members of cajibo. It was an okay time. I didnt really have an ecstatic time. Suffice to say, I got to go so it was a check for one of my bucket list. Since I'm on the subject, I also went to Red tour concert instead of going to my own school prom. Ed Sheeran performed with Taylor swift! They were both great. Another item checked off!

On my last year, I was also determined to move out. My mom was very supportive of it. We started to look for school. I got in to all of the ones that I applied to. I was torn between u of t and Mac. To be honest, I would not have considered or let alone knew about mcmaster if it wasn't for Andrew. I visited both schools. I thought that u of t provide more classes and opportunities for what I wanted to do. But, I wanted to have an experience like those in movies. Also, deep down I wanted to run away in hope that I could find myself and be. I decided to go to mac

My brother and I graduated. I said goodbye to my favorite high school teach who gave my brother and I a gift. But she did not need to because she has already given me so much and more. The summer was filled with excitement and anticipation. I held a get together before I leave for college. I said goodbye to my friends and left a note for my brother to read. There were crying involve because I felt that I did not deserve them at all. They were so good to me and I was not in return. That summer was bittersweet.

I started my university experience. I would not go in a lot of details because I pretty much documented my first year here well enough. Grace, Shane, nicole and devone made a difference in life, especially Grace. She saved me from myself.

In second year, it was interesting because it started off as bad. I was seeing this guy and wanted to be with him but couldnt. I also was very insecure about myself and my sexuality. Everyone went on dates, make out with someone at the party, etc. I risked my life a couple of times in pursuit of getting the same experience. With the help of my friend and after going to group support, I got through it all. I started joining clubs: board games society, humanities,etc.

Devon came back. Turns out he is bi. I've always liked and wanted him. I had wanted his approval but It was an impossible task. He was drunk and toxic. He liked one of my roommate to who kind of like him too, but did know it was right. She was also the only person who knew about my feelings towards him. Suffice to say my relationship with Devon was severed after the end of that year. Shane was also a drunk and feel like he would not approve of my sexuality so I cut my relationship with him slowly.

I also started dating someone name T. It was an okay relationship. He was a really good guy but I don't think we were meant for each other. I loved how he held me, but I knew I was not the one for him. I was not a good boyfriend to him. I think I tried to look for things in him that I want from my partner. Older, and hopefully wiser, know now that it was wrong. I ended it.

I had great times with my friends and old roommates. Spontaneous drives, adventures, and they gave me opportunities to experience things I never experienced before. Like going to demetris, hiking to trails and falls, random trips to McDonalds etc. Alicia also became my support on my last year at mac. I also became hers as well.

When graduated, I did not find a job immediately and was kind of down. I started to work out to motivate myself. I lost about 75 pound in a couple of months. With the help of family friends, I got hired at a law firm. I learned a lot of things from there. What it's like to practice law, experience to use office equipments, how to network, etc. The perks were great. But the coworkers and the work are not as great. Couple of coworkers come and go. 2 years and a half I still work with them. I also met Ashley, Selena, clarice, bryce, mike. Fun fact: Ashley's wedding was the first wedding that I attended that was not affiliated with my family.

A year ago, I woke up one day and decided to apply to post grad HR program. I was supposed to apply right after I graduated university but I knew I needed to take some time off. But, that day, I was determined to start a new. I got in to the program but was not able to start until last january. The program taught me so much about myself and others. I worked like I've never work in my life. In the end, I got 3.64 GPA. I've made friends and enemies.

My friends from high school that I mentioned before are still with me to this very day. We've gone through so many late night adventures together! I finished my internship last week and I now work as a full time employee at COC. I've traveled couple of times outside Canada for the past 2 years.My family and I recently went to punta Cana. I'm hoping to go to either Mexico or California next year!. I know in my last post I may have mentioned my struggle with the changing times. I know everyone in my life is starting to build their own life without me and that's okay. It is part of growing up. I'm also having short term memory lost lately but hopefully I get better. I'm hoping that my friendship with mike and Bryce would last longer. I wish my family the best in this new decade.

They say, life gets tougher as you grow older. My hope is I became tougher and more resilient still. I will ride the every changing tides of time while always looking up to the daylight.

I'll tell you the truth but never goodbye.

December 31st, 2019

Ps: pic 1 shows the books that I accumulated and read over the years. Pic 2 my favorite things the I received and owned this year.

[mypokemonpride]

Today, on the start of Pride Month, I have come to realize something very important that I feel everyone can learn from like I did (IMPORTANT READ)

I LET YOU GO

An analysis of life through a mega lesbian’s eyes 

-------

So, a while back, I went through a break up that I really did not see coming but somewhere deep down I knew that it was what I wanted, but was too afraid to do and that knowledge deep inside me manifested into confusing stress and denial, anxiety, and emotional pain. Things kept happening and happening and I’d find myself up at night (on the worse freshman dorm bed ever btw) wondering what’s gonna happen next. Needless to say, when it happened, I was destroyed, heart shattered and it felt like I lost all the shards and couldn’t even try to piece it back together. But, anyways, that is not the focus of my little story here. (Random snipets of things ive learned) 

 I realized that I have a whole life ahead of me, so many things I want to do and see, I will meet so many people, and I only have this one life. I could be here mulling over a break up every now and then or I could go out and discover new things about myself, try out a new hairstyle (CAN’T WAIT OMG PRAY IT WORKS LOL), eat new foods, exercise more(i love exercise) see new places, find new hobbies, meet new people, live and laugh. 

You can accept that someone was toxic for you, but not hate them. Hate is such a wicked emotion, you think you use it to direct emotional revenge at someone, but, in reality it only backfires on yourself, it is not a good emotion for the giver or the receiver. I found that loving others, remembering the good in people and in the world, and most importantly, taking steps to remember how to love yourself, makes everything in your life brighter and more fulfilling. Of course, hate or dislike is not immediately invalid and wrong either, in some cases, it is completely warranted. But, never let the emotion consume you, because then it will try to destroy you. 

For me, I chose not to hate her. Honestly, I have no idea how she feels about me, she could be steaming, making me out to be some super horrible girl to others, she could be sad and longing, she could be fine, happy, or a mixture of this and things unsaid, or none of them. However, this is the part  that I really learnt. IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT THEY THINK/FEEL ABOUT YOU NOW, the only thing that matters now (and always has) is HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOU. Because you can always find a 100% ensured long term, committed and loving relationship only within yourself and no one else. 

I believe that choosing not to hate her was the greatest development in my emotional health and character development post-breakup. I had all the reasons to hate her should I have chosen to, I mean she did confess to me that she only dated me because I was the only lesbian she knew, that she never liked me, and said I made her question her sexuality to make me feel like such a horrible person and lesbian among other post breakup aggression in front of my friends and when alone....BUT, I am choosing to LET IT GO. It is not exactly easy knowing that your first love was just using you, for anyone regardless of sexuality. I would never wish that knowledge on anyone, nor would I wish for anyone to feel like its OKAY to do that to someone else because it’s not, its really not. What good does it really do, to hate, to let someone have emotional power over you when that person isn’t even in your life anymore? 

I want to make it clear, however, that feeling is not bad. You need to feel what you’re feeling in order to move on and forward. So, at the start, have fits of utter disgust and hate, feel that deep rooted betrayal, feel the loneliness of loss, let the tears fall like the greatest waterfall, let denial cloud a night or two to make sleeping easier, LAUGH SO HARD YOU SCARE THE DEVIL, don’t feel guilty for feeling happy, for looking at someone else, for loving yourself, accepting yourself and the situation. Peace of mind is yours to keep, fear is something we all lose. Realize that nothing is ever a one person cause, recognize your faults, get better and learn from the bad to make something good, but don’t pretend that theirs didn’t exist, never blame yourself. let it be known that things happen, people drift apart, the system that you thought was working and operating fine had a major and mutually created, mutually discovered malfunction inside, and the only way to fix it was to ship it away and find a better one. But, it doesn’t mean the first one was completely horrible, it just simply wasn’t meant to work for you. But, it will work perfectly fine for someone else, just as there is a system that will work for you. And, aren’t we all happy to have something that works? Why would we want to keep something that isn’t working, it can’t turn on, can’t go anywhere? 

I am letting go, but I know I still need time, I know I will have seconds, minutes, maybe even a day of fleeting thoughts of anguish, of hate, of desire and of many other things still, it is not something that goes away just like that, and that is okay. It is a wound, but, over time, every wound scars over and begins to heal. However, some scars will never completely fade. And even if they do on the skin, the memory of it never leaves your brain. It is still a battle for me trying not to hate myself, to not let her words or actions determine my worth in this world. Because, I know I am a good person, and I loved her with all my heart, and I cannot forget that, but it does not mean I will condone or even pardon those things she said and did just because I chose not to hate her for it. Yes. I have a scar. It will not fade from memory even as it begins to fade from the surface. But, it certainly stops hurting, and let me tell you, there are many real scars I’ve had throughout life all over me and inside me that I’ve stopped caring to think about. They may be there,but, they do not hurt me anymore, but sometimes, I happen to come across them and I’ll remember fleetingly, oh yeah that wound right there had really hurt and then move on. Life is a lot like that too. 

When it is time for me to date again, it will be when all the pieces of my heart are put back together. I am still working on some pieces, but it will be finished in time, brand new and better. And should it happen again, well, with these hands I will pick the pieces up and rebuild it again, and again, and again, until I find a design that works perfectly with me. 

To my future girlfriend, I will love you with all of my heart, I will be the best version of nia i can be for myself and for you. But, right now is not the time. But, the time will come, and when it does, I will be so happy to hold you in my arms and welcome you into my life. 

To my ex-girlfriend, my first love, I will not forget you, I do not know if we will ever speak again or see each other, but, if by some chance we do, I will say hello and smile, I do not hate you, I have let go of what has happened between us, of both of our contributions to the breakup, and I have let go of you, but I do not pardon and forgive your words that spoke of manipulation and your actions, but, I have let it go. And I honestly wish you the best in life, wherever that takes you, with whoever, but for yourself above all else. As I wish for the same with my life. If there is one advice I wish you could hear or see, I would say, please, whoever you date next, please actually like them this time and want to date them for them not to simply date.That will make me happy, the person you date happy, and make yourself happy too.  Because people are humans; humans do not deserve to be treated like that, trust me, knowing what I know now is the worse feeling. I’ve let go of the fact that you’ve done this to me, but I won’t be able to let go of it if you do it to another person. 

To everyone who read and to those who won’t or stopped midway, i wish you all well and happiness. Remember life is so short, live it the way you want. The universe has a funny and slightly cruel way of making things work for the better in the long run. 

So, in closing, I’d like to say this: (this is not a poem, but an anthem.)

 ..... 

I say it out loud 

I let you go

I say it loud in these letters

I let you go

I say it loud in my mind 

I let you go

I say it loud to nothing 

I let you go

I say it loud to everything

I let you go

I say it loud to Past 

I 

Present

let

Future 

you

And gently, I whisper it to my mending heart 

Go. 

#lesbian #breakup #motivation #lgbtq #pride month #gay #haley kiyoko #inspiration #love #yuri #shoujo ai #girls love #mental health #advice #steven universe #inclusive #relationships

[wgs-gaines]

Final Reflection: My understanding of Gender and Feminism~

At the beginning of this semester, I did not consider myself a feminist. Of course, I believed in equal rights regardless of one's gender and I have been and will continue to be openly outspoken about the matter. That said, my fundamental understanding of feminism–how feminists are meant to act or the kinds of things they are meant to believe in–wasn’t exactly kind enough to want to identify or align myself with its ideologies. From personal experience, I had witnessed “feminist” women and allies take over-the-top actions for the sake of “bettering the quality of life for all women”, but I always noticed the word “all” came with an asterisk. Just like with any social movement–matters of race, sexuality, religious freedom–the principle of equality was only actually applicable to the majority within the minority. What do I mean by that? Consider matters of racial inequality. Historically, when the marginalized groups of minorities fought for their civil rights their movement had an unspoken prioritization for the equal treatment of black men first and black women secondarily. As we lived in and still live in a patriarchal society, it is only reasonable to infer that the pre-existing system within the majority (white cis-gendered heterosexual men) would also seep into the foundational dynamics of the minority. Simply put, as tradition dictated, within white society men were in charge and valued significantly above women. White men were the ones who held the power which allowed them to control the narrative as well. Therefore, when the battle for African-American civil rights began, the system of gender equality within their own race reflected that of the dominant society. My point in all this is to assert a similarity that occurs in matters of feminism, specifically that of “western feminism”. The narrative of feminism is one that is predominantly controlled by white American women, as such many other aspects of personal identity for “other” women are frequently overlooked or invalidated.

Truthfully, prior to this class, I did not know the term “western feminism”, but now that I do I think it aptly describes my primary concern with how I (like many other Americans) view feminist ideology. This is the danger of a single story: to only ever see a person or a concept as one thing, that is what they will become. Chimamanda Adichie TEDTalk astutely warns her audience of the potency that stories hold over our lives. While this was not my central theme for the project, the context of Adichie’s TEDTalk stuck with me throughout most of my posts so I decided to dedicate at least two specific posts about the importance of “proper” storytelling. The first post I made was my favorite quote: “The single story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete. They make one story become the only story.” Tying this back to my earlier reflection, I chose to include this quote because it beautifully encompassed how an oversimplification can be incredibly harmful because of the way it can influence our entire perceptions. The second post that I dedicated to Adichie built off my initial: “I recognized that the primary deciding factor in the matter was the storyteller––what kind of story did they want to tell? Why? This brought to mind the new word she had taught me: Akali. As I understood the principle, it meant “the power to create definitive stories”, and upon knowing this, I had understood the desire to tell the “right” stories for the “right” reasons. The reasoning behind these posts stems back to my first paragraph, I did not think I was a feminist because my concept of feminism was singular in its focus. As Adichie had said, I had fallen victim to the dangers of a single story. Furthermore, I feel that because the US is a hegemonic power, western society influences too much of the narrative that we have on what feminism should mean, or look like when in fact, not all the “solutions” are unilaterally applicable on a global scale. This brings me to the next two topics that I wanted to touch upon in my commonplace book: “intersectionality” and “transnational feminism”.

For my initial two posts of my commonplace book, I revisited the writings of Kimberle Crenshaw and Chandra Mohanty. Both Mapping the Margins and Under Western Eyes present the drawback that ethnocentric approaches have when concepts like feminism are applied globally. Crenshaw introduces her theory of intersectionality, which I described in my post as to how the “various social categorizations such as race, gender identity, sexuality, and class may overlap to sustain different modes of discrimination or privilege”. There seems to be a lacking understanding of the implication that intersectionality has on governing our lives, although it seems rather logical or simplistic in nature. People are incredibly complex beings, our identities even more so, therefore while our issues may be similar in a broad consideration, not all our experiences or necessary solutions will be the same. The fact stands that a straight white woman will likely not face the same level of severity that black, trans women would. Nor would the latter likely experience the same level of privilege that a straight white woman would, but that said they may both still experience some instance of misogyny or gender inequality. To assume that all matters of gender inequality can be easily solved without any consideration to intersectionality is not only naive but also ineffective. I took another quote from Mapping the Margins which I think sums up my point well, “the problem with identity politics is not that it fails to transcend difference, as some critics charge, but rather the opposite–that it frequently conflates or ignores intragroup differences…Moreover, ignoring differences within groups contributes to tension among groups”. My secondary post was focused on Mohanty’s Under Western Eyes, which I tried to link back to some of the concepts from Adichie’s TEDTalk and Crenshaw’s works as well. I found two memes: the first is a cartoon of a white woman trying to remove another woman’s hijab; the following cartoon is of a woman standing on a pile of people (a few wearing burkas) shouting “I support equality” through a megaphone. I thought these were both humorous but nonetheless effective in portraying the effects that ethnocentrism has on our perception, especially on how “western feminism” often tries to dictate matters of “Islamic Feminism”. To the perpetrator, she believes that she is rescuing the victim from a symbol of oppression, but her view is likely influenced by her perception of the Middle East is a “third world” country. However, when the perspectives shift to the victim’s, it seems as though the white woman fails to respect her culture, and subsequently fails to recognize her autonomy to choose what the hijab means to her. “Why is it that women are, on the one hand, viciously oppressed by cultural practices, and yet at the same time, are the preservers of cultures in most societies? Is the hijab or the headscarf a symbol of submission or resistance?” Kavita Ramdas poses this compelling question in her TED Talk Radical Women, Embracing Tradition, and it got me thinking of how prior to university, I was only ever taught that the religious wear for female devotees of Islam was a symbol of oppression. I was made to believe that Islam had an incredibly patriarchal system and went as far as “forcing” women to cover their bodies for the benefit of men. I have since learned that this is not entirely the case; in many regions, women are taking to revitalize their religious wear as a symbol of empowerment. Similarly, I have learned that for some women it is a sign of modesty, and is an active choice they make as a promise to their faith. But why wasn’t I taught this? Why did it take so many years of consuming media and stereotypes to only learn this in 2021? I recognize part of the issue lies within our own social institutions; the histories we are taught in school, the values we are instilled with, the cultural norms we are accustomed to are dictated by those in power. Still, I know I am liable for some of the blame because I never actively tried to challenge these beliefs and I have always known complacency broods ignorance.

This leads me to the final portion of my reflection, how our understanding of gender (gender identity, gender norms, the difference between gender and sex, portrayal of genders in media, etc) can be a tad limited. Within my commonplace project, I made four posts about the aforementioned matters: an infographic defining gender, data about the portrayal of women in media, a video on beauty standards from 1963,  and lastly a documentary on gender norm intervention in primary school. While each post focused on a different aspect of gender, I thought that all of these were somewhat connected back to the matter of perception. That is to say that our understanding of gender is socially constructed, therefore it is something we have agency over. For example, gender norms are established through acts of socialization. This is shown in the documentary, No More Boys and Girls, in which a social scientist runs an experiment to see if he can use a series of interventions to “reprogram” the students’ perception of gender norms. I relate this back to Kincaid's Girl because I thought it was a prime example of the toxicity that stems from rigid societal norms. In the case of the mother, she is expressed to be very controlling of her daughter, frequently passing condescending and hurtful remarks about her promiscuity. Inspired by the harsh standard that the woman tried to impose, I decided to focus another post on beauty standards. My reason for doing so was also influenced by social media and media in general, which explicitly sell an unattainable standard for women. Similar to the mother in Kincaid’s girl, the narrator of the makeup video made equally harmful remarks, however, these were more focused on telling women why they choose to fulfill these beauty standards. My point in all this is to show that these stereotypes, or stories, that we are fed regularly hold significant power but can also be changed should we as a society collectively decide to.

Overall, my commonplace project didn’t have one consistent theme, but I like to think that the motifs I discussed were well connected. Through my various posts, I talked about the power of narrative; the meaning and implications of intersectionality on identity politics;  the effects of media perception and gender norms; most importantly I wanted to convey my understanding of gender–it is fluid and socially defined–and subsequently, express my thoughts on feminism. At the beginning of this semester, I did not consider myself a feminist. Now I do.

[mistyeyedpea]

I've been feeling so stuck lately.

I ran a fever today, which honestly isn't unusual for me since I get low grade fevers from time to time. My body likes to freak out on me. Because I dont have a ln actual diagnosis for what I go through I feel like it drives me a bit nuts. I tell doctors what I can remember, but honestly I've lived.my whole life thinking most of the things I felt and experienced were normal and doctors are so uninterested, unmotivated and unwilling it makes the mundane task seem so painful. Its even more painful when you tell them for years you have these symptoms and they only write down what they think is necessary enough to explore. The rest is dismissed as being anxious, paranoid, dramatic... its ironic isn't it? How you go to get help and these very people continue to perpetuate the pain and suffering you go through. I wouldn't go down such spirals if I had answers.

The craziest part is when you have been doing research all your life, and having lived experience with chronic physical and mental conditions... but because I appear fine on the outside, to someone who doesn't know a this about me.... to deny me is absurd. I wouldn't designate a label that isn't meant for me, but this ableism in the medic field... it needs to stop. The stigmas need to stop. Doctors need to understand that its okay to not have all the answers. Whats not okay is harming them further by gaslighting, invalidating peoples lived experiences. Where is the compassion?

We as patients, as people, can be highly aware of our issues where as some arent. I happen to be someone who's highly self aware. I observe everything from sensations to what and how I feel... I monitor my own person. I once saw a post that said "having anxiety is being hyperspace of your own existence" and they really hit the nail on the head there. I feel my anxiety stems from be being highly sensitive to what I feel and my surroundings.. I feel anxiety is just a symptom of other conditions...

It drives me crazy that I am only realizing how many signs were missed. How did people not notice? I had to learn to adapt all my life on my own... immersed in it day by day I learned to survive. It hurts me almost everyday. Im learning to let go of this feeling. This feeling that I was a victim of the system that couldn't understand me, rejected me. It made it harder to understand myself throughout the years. But now I understand..

I know that as the years go by and im alive i learn more, and I know that doctors do too.

Despite all I have been through, and still continue to go though, I push through this painful existence hoping one day, ill actually be seen. And that ill be in the hands of a doctor who won't judge me when I tell them my concerns... cause I have many.

I literally stayed up all night the other night cause I couldn't sleep.. trying to remember to document articles of research I find trying to keep them saved on favorites. I often forget how to find the favorites page so I started a notes with the links.

I started doing this in the event a doctor tries to get smart with me... I truly don't have the patience or bandwidth for it anymore. They dont do it in a nice way. They do it in a condescending way. At least the people ive dealt with..

I am a person who was born female so naturally... this is fucking oppressive as is.

I tried talking to my mom about me being Autistic and having adhd, and how im finally accepting it because for years I had "episodes" which i now know, were fucking meltdowns.

I could go on about it, but I dont want to get off topic.

My mother asked me "wow so you finally got diagnosed?"

The last time I went to an Evaluation the man I met with was a total douche who told me I was a hypochondriac had conversion disorder and my anxiety was what was causing everything... He also went off my previous diagnosis and asked me very broad questions about their symptoms to which I replied yes or no... I met with this man for less than 20 minutes and he literally went off my old diagnosis.

He knew nothing about me other than what we talked about and my previous medical records. He made stigmatizing statements when I told him about my body pains and how its possible fibromyalgia, he said he doesnt diagnose women til their thirties.

When I mentioned that I suspect im autistic he basically laughed in my face and told me im not autistic and if I want to see "the autism room" so I can "see" what "autism looks like"

I didn't contact these people back for a long time after that because it took so long to process.... medical gaslighting is real. And gaslighting in itself is insidious as it makes our imposter syndrome so much worse. We question our own existence and realities which attributes to even more mental and physical anguish... psychologically so damaging and these people have no idea.

I think I may have a case with them.. but anyways...

I learned to live in this mind. In this body. In this life to the best of my knowledge and abilities. I have to remind myself its not my fault im chronically overwhelmed or feeling behind. Im coming to terms to the fact that I am disabled. I hate to limit myself, but I have to acknowledge this in order to accept myself and release the internalized abelism.

I have to accept that I never was and never will be like other people and that's okay.

I also need reminder that being diagnosed doesn't make you (autistic). Being (autistic) makes you (autistic).

I put autistic in parentheses because you can literally change it out and tweak it to fit almost any medical condition and it holds true.

Anyways im signing off. I think I've done enough ranting for the night.

Perhaps I'll rant again and plunge deeper. I try to not give to many details but as a neurodivergent person I can't help but go on tangents at times. I'll forget what I thought if I dont write them down, so letting my brain puke words is the best mental exercise I can give myself.

If I do end up seeing a therapist, it makes it alot easier to sort myself.

I have also been trying to orient my mind with art. I try to think of the art I can make .. but when the time comes, im blank. All these ideas for my mind to run into a wall...

Sometimes I wish I had a therapist as a friend.. or a psychiatrist.

It would be good to have someone invested in you the way a friend would ... signing off

[madokasoratsugu]

takanashi3

replied to your

post

:

I didnt know it was possible for me to be even...

How is it testing your patience if I may ask?

OH BOY. OOOOH FUCKING BOY. where do i begin.

so my Biggest beef with chap237 was the utter lack of emotional response from Takumi and the lack of focus on him, about him, even though this is uh. his first proper match/appearance since the fucking Autumn Elections. let that fucking sink in. 

Firstly, his match was over way too fast. Like for god’s sake, even Hayama had ~3chaps during the Souma VS Hayama Central Arc for his background/motivation buildup. But for Takumi, we don’t get that. Sure, chap201 that showed us his frustrations and his time in the Staigaire, but we don’t see what came after !! We don’t see the baby steps he took to improve, the numerous hours he spent rebuilding himself, the emotional turmoil of having to prove himself or risk humiliating not only himself, but his brother and friends, or even get another glimpse into What makes this match so high staked apart from his pride !! 

Once more, we’re left to interpret from words told that he suffered but we don’t fucking see it !!! AND U KNOW WHY THAT PISSES ME OFF? Because he’s supposed to be a deuteragonist alongside Erina and Megumi, yet the two girls have had more character development shown throughout the story than he has had !! He had like TWO chapters in Central Arc, three if im being generous, detailing his character growth but the girls have had ENTIRE FUCKING ARCS dedicated to their growth. What the absolute living shit is UP with this preferential treatment?? And don’t even get me started on how we never got to see Takumi training with Gin (THE FIRST SEAT OF HIS GENERATION), to further develop and validate Takumi’s character and skills respectively. Tsukada just let that fucking chance go, man. 

AND IM NOT EVEN DONE. Even if I forgive the lack of character development explicitly shown (and I never fucking will), the near-completely cool response from Takumi about his win, was utter bullshit. Let me just casually remind yall why this win was so fucking important: 1) Takumi’s first onscreen win 2) It was against the one who badly humiliated his brother, trampled on his pride and basically invalidated his entire diner 3) Expulsions on the fucking line, yall. Yet Takumi was absolutely chill about his win? No tears of relief, no outburst of emotion, no momentary loss of control, no utter joy/relief ?? From this boy, who wears his heart on his sleeve and is so terribly emotional that most characters have literally commented on it ?? 

And I don’t expect much !!! Take for example Hayama’s unexpected hug to Jun during his AE arc win. The emotional validation of an unexpected and badly craved for win was so clearly felt and shown !! THAT’S ALL I ASK FOR. Some sort of show of emotion !! Like sure, Takumi and Isami’s highfive was sweet, but it lacked any emotional depth that Takumi would have felt for finally gaining that win against Eizan. That was no satisfactory reaction from Takumi, and that saddens me. Was that how little the match meant to him? Of course not, but clearly Tsukada seems to think so. 

NEXT, Takumi is one of the characters who most likely, only has This One Match to shine. I honestly don’t expect him to be brought back for another round and win. Simply because Isshiki, Souma and Erina are def going to go for a round, and all three will most likely win. So clearly, someone from the rebels is gonna have to lose in order to put ~*cheap tension*~ into the series, and its probably gonna be Takumi. So the fact that not even two full chapters was spent developing his character and improvements in terms of cooking skill pisses me off. Most, if not all, of the match was solely focused on Eizan and how tricky he can be, even though this was supposed to be Takumi’s chance to shine, barely any focus was properly placed on him, and his hard work. If anything, it felt like another filler match Tsukada was way too eager to just rush by so we could get back to Megumi and Souma. 

Also the whole pizza thing was kinda...disappointing. For something that was supposed to represent the brothers’ bond with each other, there wasn’t much of a focus on it and how well the two sides of the pizza blended together. In fact, the bond was mentioned in passing, almost as if Tsukada remembered it last minute and just threw a fucking line in there to remind yall that he hasn’t forgotten. 

Another thought would be how the match is supposed to be about unity and teamwork, but uh. We don’t see that past the prepping stage and im just...sighs.

TL;DR: Takumi got royally fucked over again as a character, via 1) a cookie cutter reaction from Takumi towards his win 2) not having his emotional capacity fully expanded upon despite being shown as an emotional person (kinda like saying this person loves cats but then doesnt shed a tear when they see a mangled cat roadkill) 3) this match being skimmed over despite it being the Only Thing going for Takumi’s character for like ~150chaps.

BASICALLY Tsukada seems to Hate giving anyone but Souma or Megumi or Erina more screentime than absolutely necessary and i am a fuckin ocean of salt.

#takanashi3 #replies #shokugeki no soma #takumi aldini #shokugeki spoilers #shokugeki updates #long post #hi im M A D

[keshetaylonit]

Transcript: This transgender Jew is tired of the anti-Semitism in the LGBTI community. After the Chicago Dyke March fiasco, where three Jewish lesbians carrying a Pride flag featuring the Star of David were kicked off the march by organizers for ‘supporting Zionism,’ the issue of anti-Semitism in the LGBTI community has been coming to light. Most recently, the Chicago Dyke March Tweeted using the term ‘Zio,’ a derogatory term for Jews coined by David Duke of the KKK. Many LGBTI advocates, like the organizers of the Chicago Dyke March, are vehemently anti-Israel, claiming the country is participating in an ‘genocide’ of the Palestinian people. One such activist is Pauline Park, a transgender woman associated with the group NYC Queers Against Israeli Apartheid, who often posts publicly about her pro-Palestinian activism, using buzzwords like ‘genocide,’ ‘apartheid,’ and ‘occupation.’ ‘That Pauline has no clue as to what genocide actually is, or what apartheid actually means, is obvious, but it is just as clear that she understands that such terms are trigger words for many whom she claims she is trying to persuade,’ writes Dana Beyer for Huffington Post. ‘That she is willing to defend a terrorist government that, upon meeting her, would ask her to kneel to be beheaded because she is a trans woman is inexplicable.’ ‘Is Israel a paradise for the LGBT community? No, not by a long shot. But it is getting better, and Israeli gay and trans people don’t escape into the West Bank and Gaza; Palestinians do escape into Israel. What is going on in the Middle East — and that includes the terror in Libya, Syria and Iraq, to say nothing about all the other rabidly sexist and homophobic regimes in the Muslim world — is not comparable to several months of demonstration against the LGBT Center of New York. Talk of “homonationalism” and “pinkwashing” as tools to stifle dissent is not just absurd; it is insane.’ Meet the fed up, trans, queer Jew Ariel Lipson is a 20-year-old queer trans man from Seattle, Washington. Lipson identifies as ‘Ay’lonit,’ which is a Jewish term used to describe someone ‘identified as “female” at birth but develops “male” characteristics at puberty and is infertile.’ Lipson began noticing the anti-Semitism of the LGBTI community upon entering high school. ‘The high school I attended was predominantly LGBTQ+, both students and staff,’ he explains. ‘While at the time I was working through my own internalised anti-Semitism, I did notice that being a part of Judaism, and being open about it ostracised me. I had people interrogate me about [the Israel/Palestine conflict], refuse to let me enter the space, and accused me of being complicit in genocide,’ he continues. ‘At this time I was staunchly anti-Zionist. As I got older, I saw the community become more and more cold towards Jews. I joined a youth group, and when I would talk about it, and people found out I was Jewish, they would be startled, and avoid me. I went to a LGBTQ camp, and while it was in general ok, there were moments of Jew = Israel. The main hub of LGBTQ+ space in Seattle is also big on activism, and being Jewish, and not willing to put up with comparisons to Nazi Germany or that your fellows control media/government/etc means that you are not going to be all that welcome in much of the spaces there.’ One moment in particular that sticks out in Lipson’s mind is the day he decided to wear a Star of David to school. ‘I had just bought it, and was so happy to wear it. I went to school, and felt proud. Here I was, accepting myself,’ he recalls. He then remembers having the following dialogue with a classmate: ‘“Oh are you Jewish?” “Yes.” “I had no idea. Sorry to hear that.” “What?” “You’re Israeli, so that means you kill children”’ ‘From that moment on I was shunned by classmates, had my trans authenticity mocked, as being Jewish meant I could not be LGBTQ+ for some reason,’ he says. Now, Lipson is sick and tired of engaging with non-Jewish LGBTI activists who often conflate Zionism with Judaism and utilize anti-Semitic tropes in their activism, such as Pauline Park. After recently being in a heated Facebook argument with Park, who told Lipson and numerous other queer Jews that their perspectives on anti-Semitism were invalid, he has officially had enough. ‘Any activist who behave as Ms. Park does is not an activist,’ Lipson states. ‘If they refuse to listen to a minority asking them to stop using stereotypes, tropes or words that oppress them, then they are not really working towards equality or freedom.’ ‘In short, I am hurt. However I am unsurprised. We saw it in [the Chicago Dyke March], we see it with Pauline Park, we see it with countless activists across the United States, Canada and the Western world.’ ‘As Jews, we have come to expect anti-Semitism in activist and LGBTQ+ spaces. I used to hide that I was Jewish, now I don’t. Is that dangerous? Yes. But it is a way to not only find the spaces that I can feel safe in, but I should not have to hide who I am. I should not have to be a closeted Jew. Being LGBTQ+ is about being proud. How can I be my whole and authentic self if I cannot be open about my ethnicity, people, culture, faith and history.’ Doing better moving forward Lipson believes that one can be anti-Israel without being anti-Semitic. He recommends this guide for how to do so. As for advice for the LGBTI community to be more inclusive of Jewish voices, Lipson says the following: ‘First and foremost, see us a human. View us as peers. We, too, are a minority. We, too, are oppressed. Ours is not just a religious culture, but an ethno-religious culture that stretches back nearly 6,000 years. Throughout that time, we have been oppressed. Our oppression did not begin, nor end with the Shoah. It still permeates today in every corner of the globe. Jews are fleeing France in droves. The last remnants of Syrian Jewry fled their homes not even 5 years ago.’ ‘If you want to be more inclusive to the Jewish LGBTQ+ community, start by listening. Like any other minority that you do not belong to, you do not get to dictate what is, or is not anti-Semitic. You do not get to tell us what our oppression is, or is not. That is for Jews, and only Jews, to decide. Your job is to stop talking, listen, learn, and act upon what you have learned to make your spaces safer for Jews. You do not get to interrogate every person with a Magen David Necklace or a Kippah. You do not get to stop listening to a Jewish person because they are a Zionist. That is not how activism works.’ ‘We do not rule the world. We do not eat babies. We do not sacrifice virgins. We do not run the media. We are real, live human beings. Treat us with respect as you would any other person.’ By: Rafaella Gunz @tikkunolamorgtfo @littlegoythings

#judaism #left antisemitism #anti semitism #anti semitic #antisemitism #antisemitic #Jewish #jumblr #social action #social justice #progressive #left #feminism #inclusive #transgender #article #transcript #Paulina Park #Ariel Lipson