Lmao what??? Sooo the purpose of the hijab is to “unsexualize” women” ?? That doesn’t make any sense at all. Forcing women to cover up their body, or more specifically, hair, is implying that hair is inherently sexual. Also, he talks about how the world is trying sexualize women. Okay, who? You guessed it!! Men... men are trying to sexualize women. Women aren’t the problem. All of his other points don’t make any sense either. Fuck him.
so when i was young (i cant remember what age, but young enough to where ppl were trying to shield me from reality) someone broke into my church, shattered the windows and spray painted cruel words onto the wall of the nursery and toddler classrooms.
we’ve had a security system since then; i have the key and know the code because my dad is an important member of the church.
i go there, from time to time. never to sermons, or when others are there. i go to the prayer garden i built with my grandma when i was young. to the kitchen i cooked in, feeding a hundred little kids. to the sanctuary i played piano in, sung in, changed lives in.
it feels like a graveyard now.
i watch my younger self move like a ghost, shaking with fear as i crouched in front of the statue of Jesus i had put there, my forehead touching the cold stone where my grandma had painted the words, “Thy will be done.”
the first time i snuck into a storage room and saw the security camera tapes.
banging my head on the wall in the bathroom because i felt so corrupted from the outside world.
drinking stale coffee while i yelled at a kid for making a racist joke.
i left the church soon after that. but i always look back. i am waiting for my hands to turn into a pillar of sand.
If anyone’s looking for some nice music to listen to, I’m currently really enjoying the album Someday We Will Foresee Obstacles. I haven’t been paying attention to the lyrics /too/ much, and I’m not familiar with the artist syd matters, so if I missed something awful please tell me. But yeah other than that it’s just a nice album to listen to
forgive me father, for I have ceased to believe.
I choose to walk a path of denial,
of doubt, of adoctrinal superstition.
absolve me of my apathy, for which I feel
no repentance. good afternoon,
and I will see you again next thursday.
our father in heaven, I curse with your name,
for if the heavens and their glories are yours,
so are the evils found here. if I have today my daily bread,
tomorrow I will be left with only grain alcohol. my sins, such as they are, are many; forgiveness, such as it is,
will never be enough. power and glory,
eternity and purity—I hope these are no mere fictions.
I hope every person who can simply believe
will not have believed in vain—and I hope, futilely,
for any hope in my own heart.
I make no declaration that all this is so, or not so.
and yet, in eternity I might pledge my shoulder to your infinity.
“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”
I posted my apostate playlist a while back but that’s more my Sad Apostasy Jams rather than a curated, concise playlist so here’s my ‘I’m The Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing They Warned You About’ villain arc playlist:
@disteal i’m @tempest-in-ateapot lmao this is just a side blog, and I think tumblr likes to delete links in asks so here’s the villain playlist
Weird realization of the night: sin is a construct.
Like there are wrongs in the world, you can do harm to someone. But sin is a subjective construct, that changes with different religions. There can be an overlap with sin and wrong doings, but they are not necessarily one and the same because one is a bit more subjective.
Just existing as you are can be a sin in some peoples eyes, but it’s not inherently wrong, illegal, or harmful.
You’re a good Christian girl so you sit one quarter way back from the front. A woman you know is about to talk. You think she’d be an awesome Pastor if she were a man so you’ll listen. She explains that there’s a part of your body that isn’t yours. No one - not even you - is allowed to touch it except for medical purposes. Your husband can though. You have a husband. You don’t think you’ve met him yet. You have a husband. The preaching woman has a husband too. He’s an asshole. You overheard him make her cry about library fines while you babysat thier child. Your husband will be better.
I'm learning that being in a high control group has made me a fantastic actor. I had doubts for years and while I felt a lot of guilt, I also just couldn't make myself feel or act how I knew I was excepted to. So I leaned hard into the shy sweet girl archetype. Sure they think I'm at least 5 years younger than I am, but I can do the bare minimum and ignore uncomfortable topics out of "nervousness".
The real me is opinionated, blunt, and consistently makes jokes. My family will tell others this, but they don't often believe them. It goes unquestioned and gives me some freedom. Still, I will be extremely relieved when I can retire the role.