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ashensgrotto · 10 months

Text

Protective (Part 2 of 'Am I Feeling Love')

Characters: Azul Ashengrotto x F!Reader

Word Count: 5,328

Part 1 Part 2 (You Are Here) Part 3a Part 3b

I had someone ask if I was going to do a continuation of ‘Am I Feeling Love?’ that was orinally written on my main blog @kiy-anna after I rewrote the story to fit the tags better. I was mulling over the idea and my poor sea-rotted brain decided “Screw it, Mari! Just write the damn thing!”

It took a bit to figure out how I wanted to execute the process, but I’m honestly more curious to see what you guys think as well. Also, don’t forget, I have a poll that ends in a few days that will help me decide what sort of fanfiction I will be posting going forward, so please vote! It ends on Wednesday!

Warnings: yandere behavior, beatings, manipulative behavior, and foul language

***

The world is cruel, the world is wicked

It’s I alone whom you can trust in this whole city, I am your only friend

How can I protect you, girl, unless you always stay in here

Away in here…

***

Azul tapped the desk he sat behind impatiently.

For the past hour, he had been cooped up in the VIP Room of the Mostro Lounge dealing with those poor unfortunate souls that sought him out - the pathetic fools making deals with the octomer as his patience thinned by the minute. All he wanted at this point was to get out of his office and watch you.

You, the magicless guest of Octavinelle, had been living in the guest rooms of the dorm for a little over two months and were working within the Mostro Lounge to pay for said room - not that you needed to, it was merely a lie so Azul could keep tabs on you. The other students of the Octavinelle dorm did not completely understand his reasoning; some thought that he was merely being a nice housewarden to a poor soul with no one else to turn to, others that knew the housewarden too well thought that he was using you as a way to lure in unsuspecting victims for his contracts.

Whatever their thinking was, only Azul and his vice-warden, Jade, along with the problem twin, Floyd, knew the real reason as to why you were kept close by.

Soulmates were rare and finding that ‘other half’ is like the story of the mermaid princess and her longing to be with a human. It’s a rare occurrence that only happens once in a millennium if not longer. Many times, people - humans, fae, and merfolk alike - often settle for someone they are content and happy with, someone that isn’t their other half. Azul, at the time he first learned about soulmates, wanted nothing more in the world than to find them - to have that one person who would see him for himself and not the pathetic octo-twerp he had been called during his youth; thus, he began working on himself, his powers increasing as he lured his victims in and stole away their most treasured gifts - a beautiful singing voice, powerful magic… all of it.

But even with the changes and his new found strength, Azul had no luck in finding the other part of his soul - that was until about two months ago when you first appeared in Twisted Wonderland.

Azul had been ecstatic the first few weeks after you had taken up residence in his dorm; consistently coming to check on you, making sure you weren’t too tired, asked if you had eaten… and sometimes just watching you from the darkness of the lounge as you shifted from table to table, taking orders and bringing food and drinks to the guests. Nearly two weeks into working at the lounge, the clientele number increased slightly - making Azul at first wonder what had happened.

Turns out, some of the students who had frequented the lounge had made mention of you in passing and how you were nicer compared to the other staff members - hence the students came to the lounge to, not just get a glimpse of you, but to also shoot a chance at getting you as their waitress. Jade and Floyd, who were consistently in the lounge and operated as Azul’s eyes and ears - especially when it came to you - informed Azul of what was going on. Hence, Azul decided to restrict your hours to only working when he, Jade, or Floyd was. When you asked if you had done something wrong, Azul merely rested a hand on your shoulder, eyes shining with a possessive kindness, as he explained there were certain students who had been watching you - and he was only doing this for your protection. After all, it wasn’t like he could monitor you twenty-four-seven - he still had his grades to keep up and you weren’t a student, technically.

It worked momentarily, but then Azul was back to the drawing board again when Jade had mentioned Riddle Roseheart’s overblot in passing.

Turns out, you had asked Azul for a day off the same day Riddle went berserk. Azul had asked what for, but you merely said you wanted to explore the school grounds, specifically the rose gardens that surrounded Heartslabyul. He knew that you had ‘made friends’ with two freshmen from the dorm - Deuce Spade and Ace Trappola, both who had been collared by Riddle because of their bad behavior. If Azul could work his will, he would have locked you up in his own room and thrown away the key to prevent anyone from looking at you or speaking to you - but he couldn’t find the strength to do so. Even so, he had agreed, allowing you to go to the unbirthday party that was randomly held on different days during the year, with the promise that you would come back as soon as it was over and not a minute later.

Turns out, the ‘unbirthday party’ had been a lie since Deuce and Ace both had challenged Riddle for his position as headwarden and you wanted to go to support them in their fight. However, Ace made a valid point about the rules that had been pressed upon the students of Heartslabyul and practically turned the whole dorm against Riddle - which caused his temper to flare up and the overblot to happen. Luckily, you didn’t get hurt during the fight between Riddle, Deuce, Ace, Trey, Cater, Crowley, and the pyromaniac demon cat-weasel, Grim - but you had been the one to smack sense back into Riddle with a slap to the face when he had gone after you next.

And it was because of that slap and knocking some sense back into the headwarden of Heartslabyul that those who heard about what happened began to flock to the Mostro Lounge in search of you once more.

Azul pressed his face to hands and rubbed at his skin hard enough to turn it red as he thought and thought. What was he going to do? He couldn’t let anyone else get close to you! You were his! His soulmate! You should be putting your entire focus on him and him alone! Was that too much to ask?!

“What’s with the face?” the unwelcomed voice of Leona reached Azul’s ears as the octomer sat up and righted himself.

“What’s it to you? Nevermind, I’m busy at the moment, Leona. If you wish to speak with me, you have to make an appointment…”

“I already did, did you forget?” The beastman prince strolled into the room and plopped on the couch, arms dangling behind the rest and feet landing on the table before him, “I need to make a contract with you for a potion.”

Azul shifted his glasses into place before reaching into his desk and pulling out the familiar golden paper he used for his contracts, his pen twirling in his fingers as it shifted into a fishbone and began to write, “What sort of potion?”

“An enhancement potion,” Leona answered, side eyeing the Octavinelle headwarden before explaining, “With the Spelldrive Tournament coming up in a few weeks, and with all of these little mishaps that have been going around the campus lately, it would be a shame if something were to befall a particular headwarden we know too well.”

Azul did not need Leona to explain any further nor to question who he was referring to.

It was no secret that the Diasomia dorm had taken first place in the Spelldrive Tournament for the past two years straight - practically overrunning Savanaclaw who usually held that spot. The dorm’s success had been due to the new headwarden - Malleus Draconia - who had taken up the position the year before Azul arrived at Night Raven. Malleus was a dragon fae and one of the top ranking mages in Twisted Wonderland - so powerful that he alone was the reason for Diasomia’s success, making ninety percent of the scores by the dorm’s team. He probably would be the only player if Crowley had allowed it.

Many of the other headwardens were disgusted by the losses and damage that had been dealt to their teams over the course of the past two years - even Azul had been winded by Draconia once and had no desire to be the dragon’s dinner again; due to this, the headmage had made the offer to place Draconia in the hall of fame, which would prevent him from participating in any more of the Spelldrive matches this year and next year. At first, all of the headwardens were in agreement - but Leona argued that it wasn’t a fair fight, claiming that they were acting like a bunch of cubs. Azul had twitched at that remark, but agreed that the fight wasn’t fair - as much as he hated it, he agreed that Leona did have a point about allowing Draconia to continue; he wanted to prove that Draconia wasn’t invincible nor was he immune, he wanted to prove that anyone could beat the Diasomia headwarden - even if it was just another individual.

Azul adjusted himself in his chair, thoroughly invested in the deal now, “If we’re thinking the same thing, Leona, you must be willing to offer something in agreement of equal price. How about that speciality spell you’re so fond of? You barely use it.”

“‘King’s Roar’?” Leona arched a brow in his direction, “I may not use it, but it does come in handy from time to time. How about my nephew instead?”

Azul twisted his features in disgust, “No thank you. I’m not Rumplestiltskin, nor a babysitter.”

Leona laughed, his voice shaking the settee for a moment, “I was only joking, Faleena would never allow me to hear the end of it. Well, then… perhaps a little advice on that soulmate of yours?”

Azul nearly dropped his pen, surprise appearing on his normally calm face before his pale blue eyes narrowed at Leona menacingly, “What do you know about that?”

“It’s not a surprise given your behavior as of late,” Leona curled his fingers inward as his gaze shifted toward them as if to inspect his nails, “Besides, I heard from a few of my dorm members that frequent here that you’ve been keeping a pretty close eye on our magicless guest.”

‘The sneaky lionfish,’ Azul sneered at Leona, feeling his temperature rising as his gloved hands curled inward.

“Personally, I have nothing against wanting to keep (Y/N) close,” Savanaclaw’s headwarden continued, “She’s cute and pretty, nevermind that fact that she’s a hard worker and kind - sucks big time that she’s a female. She probably would’ve done well in Night Raven if she was a boy.”

“What’s the point you’re getting at?” Azul seethed.

“Merely that everywhere she goes, she is welcomed. (Y/N) has made a few friends without your knowledge by working the floors of the Mostro Lounge. Every time she shares a smile, a laugh, or anything - someone undoubtedly falls for her charm.”

Azul leaned back in his chair, rubbing at his chin in thought. Leona had a point - (Y/N) may have been his precious pearl, his soulmate, but she was also well liked by any and all who encountered her. Deuce, Ace, and Grim were just the stepping stones, Cater, Trey, and Riddle also fell in line with her presence and kind words - and even many of the Octavinelle dorm that worked alongside her in the lounge had gotten close with the magicless guest. However, the students of the Octavinelle dorm knew that Azul had marked (Y/N) as his - those that did not understand the process, such as the humans of Heartslabyul, would always be a threat to the octomer’s happiness; they might even go as far as to ask the headmage to allow (Y/N) to stay in their dorm!

Azul clenched his hand tighter at the thought, ‘No! She’s mine! I will not allow anyone to touch nor taint her perfection or soul.’

The headwarden of Octavinelle leaned forward, fingers crossing together as his elbows rested on the desk and his chin on his folded hands, “I’m willing to make a deal with you, Kingscholar.”

Leona arched a brow as Azul continued in a dark voice, “(Y/N) is very important to me, the other half of my soul - as you know. Her recent encounter with Riddle Rosehearts’ overblot has left me worried that she might attempt to leave Octavinelle. I know that I promised I would help her return home, but I need to keep her close by in order to do so. Soulmates are rare - whether they are humans, beastmen, faes, or mers - and they need to be kept close to each other. I do not want to put (Y/N) on a leash nor lock her up, but she is far too free for my liking. I will create the spell enhancement potion for you in exchange for your help with (Y/N)’s freedom.”

“What is it you have in mind?”

“... Merely a little scare that will show her how cruel and twisted this world can be.”

***

It was a few days later when the plan was set in motion.

You had been helping with the set up for the vendors surrounding the colosseum where the Spelldrive tournament was set to take place in a few days; setting up tents and tables, covering areas with cloths and helping move heavy objects. You wiped at your brow as a bit of sweat dribbled down before a cloth was pressed to your face.

“You’re working too hard,” the familiar voice of your employer pulled your attention to him, a smile appearing on your face as Azul’s lips quirked into a grin.

He was dressed in the headwarden’s dorm uniform - a black tuxedo with a white dress shirt and purple tie and the dorm’s scarf hanging loosely around his neck, a pale gray overcoat that hung on his shoulders, and a black fedora perched on his head. He was leaning against the silver tipped cane with the large octopus on the handle - the mage stone held securely between its silver tentacles. It was strange to see for someone who was working on setting things up, but Azul was in charge of overseeing everything and making sure everything was where it needed to be and making changes as needed, using maps and planograms as reference points.

“Well, I always believed in the phrase ‘working hard or hardly working,’” you answer, taking the offered handkerchief and wiping away the sweat and grime from your features.

“Quite an interesting phrase,” Azul nodded, resting his hands on his hips, “Care to enlighten me on the meaning?”

You shrug, “I’m not really sure, honestly. People in my world use it for small talk or to point out a person’s laziness. For example, if someone wasn’t doing anything, someone might ask ‘working hard or hardly working?’”

Azul hummed in thought, “I suppose it is a good phrase to use - maybe it might actually get Floyd to do something for a change… however, as I’m sure you know, that eel will whatever whenever he wants to, regardless of what I tell him.”

I giggle, nodding in agreement, “Yes, and half the time he dumps his work on his twin - poor Jade.”

“Jade’s used to it,” Azul waved his hand dismissively, “but speaking of ‘dumping things onto others,’ I hate to ask this of you, but I do need you to do something for me.”

“Hmm? What is it, Azul?”

“I have an order waiting to be picked up at the school store. You’re familiar with Mr. S’s mystery shop, yes?”

You nod with a smile, “Yep, I’ve been there a few times.”

“Good, I need to go there and get the parcel. It has a few items that we’ll need for the Lounge and for the tournament. I would get it myself, but I have to keep things going here and Jade and Floyd are working on their own projects for the tournament. Would you be willing to go pick it up for me?”

“Why not have it delivered to the dorm?”

“It’s easier to travel to the store instead of going to the dorm and back. I had intended on getting it earlier, but it completely slipped my mind until now.”

You frowned a bit as something crawled up your back and tingled behind your head, a feeling that something didn’t sit right with the whole situation. However, Azul had slipped to your side as his arm came around your shoulders and pulled you close enough for you to smell the expensive cologne he always wore.

“Please, (Y/N), it’s very important that you do this for me. I’ll reward you, too, for your efforts - a drink of your choice from Mr. S’s shop or from the Mostro Lounge, on the house. Besides, you’ve been working so hard as of late that you need a little bit of a break. Take this as an opportunity to stretch your legs and cool down a bit.”

A refreshing beverage was starting to sound good. You had been working in the sun for a while like everyone else that was part of the setting up, never mind that your bottle of water had been drained a while ago and you had yet the opportunity to refill it. Perhaps just going to get the parcel for Azul as well as a small drink wouldn’t be so bad.

“Ok, do you mind if I finish up here?”

“Of course,” Azul pulled away before resting a hand on your head and messing your hair, “but as soon as you finish, please go and get the package. I need it as soon as possible.”

You nodded in understanding before turning back to your tasks as Azul walked away.

***

The parcel wasn’t big, thankfully, but it was awkward - an odd shape that looked spherical, but was flat with pointed edges.

‘I wonder what’s on here?’ you shake the package gently as you walk away from Sam’s shop, heading back toward the colosseum. You discard the thought, tucking it under your arm and taking your time, enjoying the shade the trees provided and the gentle cool breeze of autumn ruffling the changing leaves of the school campus and pulling some off and away from their homes. The colors reminded you of home - how the trees in the parks would shift from greens to yellows, reds, and oranges before fading into dark browns. It was strange to see all the trees do the same thing here - it made you wonder if Twisted Wonderland celebrated holidays like your world did.

You were so busy admiring the colors and deep in thought that you didn’t see where you were going and ran into the back of a very large student.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” you smile apologetically, “I guess I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

“Well, then, watch it,” the student growled.

“Hey man, look what she did to your jacket,” another student pointed at the sleeve of his uniform’s coat.

The charcoal gray coat that all of the students were required to wear was typically a heavy cotton and ridiculously hard to damage - however, low and behold, one of the pointed ends of Azul’s mystery order had put a decently sized tear in the student’s coat. The tear revealed the golden yellow of the student’s vest, traveling from his mid back to just the top of his waist. You covered your mouth in shock as the student took his jacket off and examined the tear, rage budding on his features.

“You stupid - look what you did!”

“I’m sorry! It was an accident -” you try to explain.

“Do you know how much this cost?” the student shook the coat at you, “Now I have to buy a whole new one!”

“Just make her pay for it,” another student spoke up, crossing his arms over his chest.

“P-Pay?”

“You damaged it, didn’t you? So, you’re the one who's going to buy me a new replacement.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t have any money…” you bit your lip as you felt your heart rate jump up, clutching Azul’s package close to you, “I-If you give me a moment, I’ll go talk to my employer and see-”

“Oh, no way,” the student grabbed the front of your borrowed button down shirt, “You’re going to pay for the jacket one way or another.”

Something within you snapped, you had tried to be reasonable with these three and had apologized for the trouble; however, it seemed now that you could only run and hope that you got to Azul before these guys did something to you. Your face hardened as you gave the student holding you a kick to the groin with your knee, the student releasing you as he groaned in pain at the sudden attack. Once you were out of his clutches, you took off in the opposite direction as the three students shouted at you and chased after.

You clutched the package close to your chest as you bolted into the school and down a corridor, staying close to the windows, hoping for someone to see you as you shouted out for help. Your cries echoed off the high ceiling, alerting a few students and staff members - but it seemed everyone elected to ignore your screams for help as the three pursuers gradually came closer and closer.

You threw yourself around a corner which led out into the courtyard to throw them off.

Unfortunately, an uneven stone caught on your shoe, causing you to stumble forward and land on the ground, Azul’s package flying from your hands and landing with a sickening crack against the side of the wishing well. You tried to stand to move, but something heavy came down on your ankle, a loud snapping sound and a cry of agony echoing across the lawn.

“You stupid bitch! All you had to do was pay up,” the student’s voice from earlier came in your ear as a large fist grabbed a handful of your (h/c) hair, pulling your head up to look into his rage filled eyes, “but nooo, you just had to kick me then run and tried getting help.”

“I think punishment is in order - after all, what can someone without magic and a broken ankle do now?”

Something heavy collided with your face as tears welled up from the punch, the pain coming again from the opposite side. Your hair was released before you felt a heavy boot collide with your stomach as you were kicked across the lawn like a football, landing a few feet away from the wishing well. You tried to sit up with a groan, your arm coming around to clutch your side as you spat out blood. Your entire body was shaking and was sore - you were beginning to wonder if they had hit any vital organs. A large hand came forward and grabbed at your hair again, pulling you up as you cried out.

“Piece of fuckin’ shit, you don’t know when to give up, do you?”

You bit your lip, fighting to hold onto consciousness and the tears that were slowly slipping from your eyes. You were scared and were still wishing beyond a doubt that someone would find you and stop these three from beating you up more. However, the wish was short lived when you were dropped to the ground, causing you to wince as more pain came from your side.

“Time to say good-bye,” your eyes widened as you pulled your arms up toward your face, the student rearing his foot back with his aim clear in his dangerous eyes.

“Care to explain yourselves?” a familiar voice asked, stopping the students as their eyes widened in fear.

You peered out between your fingertips as the familiar figure of Azul came forward, his dorm overcoat fluttering behind him in the breeze as his walking cane tapped against the dirt. His face looked difficult to read as he came forward, eyes sharp and filled with rage.

“H-Headwarden Azul,” the student put his foot down and backed away from you, “W-We thought you were over by the colosseum.”

“I was - I was looking for my errand runner,” Azul’s gaze shifted between you and the three students before repeating, “Care to explain yourselves?”

“I-It’s nothing, honestly,” one of the students visibly shuddered.

“Y-yeah, just a m-misunderstanding is all!” the third student smiled wobbly.

“A misunderstanding, hm?” Azul cocked a brow, eyeing the students, before lifting his walking stick and tapping the head against his gloved palm like a baseball player would, “I will only ask one last time. What. Did. You. Do.”

“S-she destroyed my jacket!” the first student tried to explain, “She wouldn’t pay up for a replacement so-”

“So you decided to attack a defenseless angelfish who is under my protection?” Azul snickered, “How very foolish and pathetic…”

He snapped his fingers as Jade and Floyd appeared before the students. Azul came over and lifted you into his arms, “I’m taking her to the infirmary to get patched up - Jade, Floyd, have some fun.”

You ducked your head close to Azul’s chest, a headache slowly forming as he carried you away. You swallowed and began to open your mouth to speak, but Azul hushed you.

“Rest, (Y/N). You’re safe - there is nothing to be said nor to say. Just relax - I won’t let anything harm you.”

***

You must have fallen asleep because when you opened your eyes, you were in your room back in Octavinelle’s dorms. Azul was there, resting in a chair beside your bed with his arms folded over his chest and eyes closed. You shifted slightly, which caused the octomer to open his eyes - blinking rapidly before they fell on you as a smile crossed his face.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, standing and coming to sit beside you.

“Sore, tired,” you answered.

“That is typical after a fight,” Azul nodded, handing you a glass of water that had been perched on your bedside table, helping you to drink the cool liquid.

You smiled as he returned the glass to its spot before your face fell, “I’m so so sorry, Azul.”

“Whatever for, (Y/N)? You did nothing wrong.”

“Your package - you entrusted me to get it, but it probably got broken after that fight…”

“Don’t worry about it,” Azul’s fingertips curled under your chin, lifting it up to force you to look at him, “I’m not going to be concerned about a package that was damaged when you - someone I’ve been tasked to keep an eye on - was hurt severely. You’re very lucky. But, I do need to ask, what in the world happened? What did you do?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I… I accidentally ran into him because I was taking my time and admiring the changing colors of autumn, not paying attention to where I was going. When I ran into him, one of the parcel’s sharp points must’ve caught onto his coat and when I pulled away, it tore it.”

“NRC’s required suits are relatively expensive, so I can see why he was upset,” Azul nodded thoughtfully, “However, why did he attack you? You could’ve come to me and explained you needed money for a replacement jacket - ”

“I tried telling him that, but he wouldn’t listen and grabbed me. I kicked him so I could get away and was intending on going straight to you, but he…” you didn’t want to say anymore, the memory of what happened only a few hours ago was still painful in your mind.

Sensing your distress, Azul cooed to you, pulling you into his arms as his head landed on top of your head, hands running up and down your spine gently. You sniffled into his suit coat, hand coming up and gripping the back of his jacket, feeling the familiar warmth and comfort that was Azul Ashengrotto.

“Shh… it’s alright, (Y/N)... you’re safe now,” Azul murmured, his voice soft and soothing in your ear, “I know, I know… I can only imagine how afraid you were…”

You nod as you sniffle more.

“It’s alright, though… I’m right here beside you. Those monsters can never touch you again… but you have to promise me something.”

You look up at him as his eyes shine with pain and… something else.

“This world is cruel and wicked, (Y/N),” Azul reached up, resting a gloved hand against your cheek and wiping away the tears that gathered in your eyes, “It’s only I you can trust in this place - Jade and Floyd as well - your only friends. We can’t protect you if you are away from our sight, so you must stay here in Octavinelle - where we can always be within an arm’s reach.”

“B-But, what about the others? Deuce? Ace? Grim? Surely they…”

“(Y/N)... did they come to help you during your darkest hour? Who was there when you were getting beaten by those mongrels?” Azul asked, eyes narrowing slightly, “I did not see Deuce or Ace. Nor did I see Grim or Trey… the twins did not see any of them nor Riddle or Cater either. Who came for you?”

“...You did.”

“Exactly,” Azul nodded, “I will always be there for you. Jade will always be there. Floyd, as strange as it may seem, will also always be there.”

You nod slowly, tucking yourself against his chest as you realize the dark truth. They had abandoned you, left you to fend for yourself while you were getting hurt - it was Azul that came and found you and it was Jade and Floyd that put the trio in their place. The three of them were the only ones who cared about it - showing you love and support through these last two months in this strange, dark, twisted world. Tears fell faster as you sniffled under the calming strokes of Azul’s fingertips.

If you had happened to look up at that point, you would have seen the octomer grinning devilishly down at you, his eyes of pale blue filled with possessive love and adoration.

***

Azul ventured out later after you had fallen asleep with the twins in tow. The trio met with Leona in the lounge of Savanaclaw’s dorm, the octomer pulling out a vial of strange green liquid.

“As promised,” the headwarden of Octavinelle presented the vial to Leona, “for services well rendered.”

“This is it?” Leona snatched the vial, inspecting it closely, “I thought there’d be more.”

“Too much and the power will cause the user to overblot,” Jade explained, “We don’t want a repeat incident.”

Leona hummed in agreement, looking back toward the trio, “Speaking of which, what do you intend on doing since you hurt three of my best players with that little incident?”

“If anything, it’s compensation for us after what you did to three of our best players,” Azul let out a shrug, “but remember, Leona - there’s a much bigger fish to fry in the ocean that has nothing to do with me or the twins nor anyone in Octavinelle.”

Leona grumbled, turning his head, “Ruggie!”

The hyena appeared out of nowhere, landing next to Leona with a soft thump, “You called?”

“Take this,” Leona handed the vial to him, “On the day of the Tournament, you know what to do.”

Ruggie snickered with a nod.

“Well, we’ll be going,” Azul smiled, turning away, “pleasure doing business with you, Kingscholar.”

“And I hope that you live a long life with that soulmate of yours.”

“Oh, after that little incident - I doubt she’ll be going anywhere… at least for a while.”

***

You do not comprehend (You are my one defender)

Why invite their calumny and consternation, stay in here

Be faithful to me, grateful to me

Do as I say, obey

And stay in here…

206 notes · View notes

ozzgin · 27 days

Note

Do you have any advice for those who want to post their stories and ideas on here but are just starting out

Not sure if I'm the best person to offer advice on these matters, as I feel my presence here has been mostly accidental. That being said, I am capable of introspection and I've been here long enough to notice patterns, so I can gladly share my own observations with you! Feel free to draw your own conclusions. Everyone else is invited to offer corrections or additions. :)

Guide under the cut because it's another long ramble divided in 3 parts.

What to post

The million-dollar question. Do you want to share original stories, or fanfiction? Various genres, or reader centered romances? You have the choice to try your luck and dive in with your own thing or scour the market to build a following first.

I've seen trending original stories from accounts who'd just started out, but don't use that as a reference for the quality of your own work. If you're not gaining traction, it doesn't automatically mean it's bad. There are hundreds of variables involved: the time, the context, the people. It takes one big blog to discover your story and share it, and you've taken your first step into recognition. The main issue is, there's no guarantee when or if it's going to happen.

Your other choice is to introduce yourself with fanfiction. Consider it a way of saying “let me show you my writing skills through something of your interest”. If you've been wanting to write fanfiction from the beginning, great! Now comes the next question: what is your goal? If you want more recognition, you'll want to consider the fandoms. Is there something you're into that's currently also trending on Tumblr? Writing for Hazbin Hotel, for example, will most likely get you more notes than writing for some 90s manga very few people know about. At the end of the day, you shouldn't feel pressured to write for what's "selling", but you can always find a compromise that works for you. Once you gain more followers, you can always sprinkle in more variety. Having more people who appreciate your work will give you a little boost when venturing into other areas.

I'll give you my personal case: I decided to share my Baki story right at the time a new season was out. It just so happened that many other people were interested in said character. "I only watched two episodes and immediately searched for fics", or "I saw an edit and now I'm here". So, there were people actively keeping tab on recent works for more content, and one of the relevant blogs in the fandom shared my content as well. That got the ball rolling. I've always been a multi-fandom blog, and thus with more visitors came more diverse requests. "Wait a minute, I came for X, but I see you like Y, too!"

TL;DR: If you're interested in original work or lesser known fandoms but want recognition, try to expand into trending and popular fandoms to gain visibility.

How to post

Is there a specific template you must adhere to? Absolutely not. However, I've noticed many common elements from people sharing their stories. There are authors who will dive right into the story, no title, no descriptions, but they already have followers who know what to expect. If you're just starting out, you might want to offer a helping hand to people who don't know you yet. Have a concise, clear title. Make it obvious from the beginning what your story is about. You can include trigger warnings or content previews. Maybe a little synopsis or two-three sentences to summarize everything. I've seen some blogs mention that their shorter stories get more interaction (1-2k words), so this might be something to consider. If you would prefer going for longer works, perhaps it's wise to give everyone a heads-up and include the word count at the beginning. If you want to encourage people to check out your other works, you can include a link to your masterlist at the top of the post.

Regardless of appearances, once your content is written, it needs to be tagged. Which brings us to the next topic:

This truly isn't meant to call anyone out, just something I noticed. Many people don't know how to use the hashtag feature.

Let me give you a fabricated example: you just published your best fanfiction so far. The magnum opus of your work. Time passes, and you barely get any notes. You tagged the post with #fanfic (because it's fanfiction, right?), #writers of tumblr (to notify other writers of your presence), and #series name. It's not bad by any means, but these are extremely generic hashtags. If your only anchor for the post is, say, #Harry Potter, it will be immediately drowned by the massive influx of various content under this tag: memes, fanart, discussions, screenshots. Everything meets here. If your story is a reader insert, your target is not only the overall fandom, but specifically the people looking for this type of story. Which characters are featured? Is it more of a fluffy romance, or downright smut? Is your original character a monster? If so, what kind? You have to help people find your content. If you're not sure what tags to include, use other blogs as reference. Find stories similar to yours and check the top posts. What other tags did the author use? Is there a common pattern among these popular stories?

TD;DR: Make your posts clear and obvious within the first few lines. Overly general or overly specific tags are not bad, but they shouldn't be your only identifying features. Make it very easy for people to navigate your blog (masterlists, consistent hashtag system, etc)

When to post

At one point I asked myself, out of curiosity, why some of my own posts are more popular than others despite the same amount of effort. Is there a difference depending on when you release your content? The answer is yes! There's an article discussing the best times to post on social media in order to maximize engagement. Of course, there's many variables involved, and these time intervals are not a guarantee. When are your followers most active? When do you notice a peak in notifications? Have a look at this neat desktop feature. It gives you all the answers you need. If your engagement is the highest at a given hour, it might be worth a shot to post your content then. You can also schedule your posts to match the patterns.

Let's say you posted something, and you suspect it hasn't reached all of your followers. Maybe it was a slow day, and it got less engagement than usual. I've seen people who reblog their own content the next day or even regularly, so you can opt for that if you're worried you missed out.

Additionally, Tumblr seems to reward activity. You may post as often or as little as you'd like, as long as you maintain a certain regularity. If you search for top posts/blogs of all time, you'll notice it's not actually an all-time chart, but only the content with recent engagement. A post with a million notes that hasn't been touched in 5 years won't show up. Same for blogs. The recommendations you see are of accounts who frequently post under the given hashtag. This is something to keep in mind as well.

Lastly, if you're willing/are extroverted enough, you can always try to network and build a group of mutuals. Reblog, leave comments, reach out to people within the fandom or who do the same thing. When a post is fresh, it may be temporarily bumped to the top of the search if it receives a burst of engagement. So, it definitely helps to have a bunch of friends who give you a little boost.

Yeah. This is what I have. It's not a matter-of-fact textbook, just what I personally witnessed or my own inferences. The most important detail is to give yourself time, and of course to have fun! I wish you the best of luck, and don’t forget that your ideas are worthy regardless of the outcome.

#personal #advice #sorry for the ramble y'all this is what 6 years in academia does to you

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prince-liest · 2 months

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sorry if this is a weird question or something you dont rlly want to talk about on a fandom blog, but i noticed youre in medschool! im a college undergrad freshman whos trying to get into medschool, and i was wondering if you had any tips on getting into medschools while still being an active member of fandom spaces?

No worries, I actually get asks about med school not-uncommonly! I'm happy to chat about whatever!

Honestly, I think that depends on what 'active' means for you and what issues you think you would run into? I feel like it's a little cheap to say "plan your time well and take care of yourself" as my go-to answer for this question, but that really is what it boils down to when it comes to being pre-med or in medical school and still having time to do literally anything else in your life, fandom included. Most of the people I know in medical school that don't have time for other stuff are the folks that study in groups with Twitter open in another tab that I get like a dozen snaps from over the course of the eight hours they're in the study rooms, and not-coincidentally they're also the people that go, "It took me eight hours to study this one lecture and I barely got any sleep!"

Creativity and learning ability (and anything else that requires mental power) rely on you having free time, and also you being well-rested, well-fed, and well-exercised. There are always going to be busy times when you can't do as much of your preferred hobby as you'd like (as you have probably experienced even now in undergrad with finals week at the end of your first semester!) which honestly fucking sucks, but that doesn't mean that those times are permanent.

Aside from that: depending on what kind of fandom stuff you get up to, don't be afraid to put that shit on your CV and applications! I literally put fanfiction writing (especially zines) on my CV this past year when applying to residencies, and have had many people ask about it in interviews and think it was just the coolest thing ever that I do this stuff. Medical school applications basically require you to check certain boxes (grades, MCAT, at least 50 physician shadowing hours, some kind of job or volunteering), but because those are things that are basically required at this point, putting fun shit in your extracurriculars stands out. I was never the person who could hack spending my free time volunteering for things I didn't care about, but my extracurricular section was still full of things that stood out and people found interesting.

My AO3 doesn't really date that much fanfiction to when I was in undergrad (2014-2018), but that's mostly because I was busy doing elaborate Homestuck fantroll RPs instead, hahaha. I don't know how many hundreds of thousands of words I must have written of it during that time!

This was a little all over the place, but I hope it was at least a little reassuring!

#ask #personal #saltwatersweets #medical school

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brick-a-doodle-do · 11 months

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It's been forever since I've been on tumblr so have an ask for the ask game thing, 1, 2, 3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 10, 121, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50

-Small brain anon

sb. you've struck again. just for you, since i haven't seen you in a while, i will answer all of them. except for the ones i have asked: 2, 3, 8, 12, 15, 18, 19, 22, 23, 27, 33, 39, 44, 45, and 50!

answers under cut,,,

1 : if you have a lighter, what color is it?

i have one, but i don't really use it. also i have no clue where it is. it's blue tho!

4 : how often are you on tumblr?

oh god. i have a horrible addiction to like constantly checking it, which i am not proud of and it's really annoying. but i'm not on tumblr for longer than 5-ish minutes before i decide to close the tab. but that cancels out when i open the tab again a few minutes later. trying to fix it. but i am pretty much always on tumblr and check it at the most every 5-6 hours :/

5 : are you only doing this because you're bored?

mmhh when i rbed it, yes, but now i want to do something with my fingers and this is a good fix :D

6 : what blogs do you mostly interact with?

depends on what "interact with" actually means but in terms of actually interacting with blogs that also interact with me, (moots, essentially), it's really only becky and squishy on a day-to-day basis. sometimes 3d and sloth pop up tho. i interact, (in terms of liking, rb-ing, etc.), with a whole bunch of ppl tho ,,,,

7 : can you swim?

yes!

9 : which do you prefer, cotton candy or funnel cake?

if i've had funnel cake, i don't remember it. so cotton candy. but honestly funnel cakes look way better ,,,

10 : have you ever used a fork as a bookmark?

no i have not! i'd easily consider it though ,,

11 : bass or drums?

god both are so awesome. but i'd say bass. BUT my exception for that is mark boardman that man makes their songs so fkn amazing have you HEARD the drums in golden hour or oyygc? LIKE MCXMCMXN his drums with wil's voice is just so lovely.

13 : can we be friends?

yes!

14 : do you admire the clouds and the color of the sky?

all the time. being in a car is so lovely because MMMM SKYYY !!!

16 : a netflix series that's your favorite?

the haunting of hill house/bly manor and midnight club are all beautiful shows and i fkn love them ,,, i also love orange is the new black even tho it isn't a netflix original ,,

17 : an earliest obsession you can remember?

g/t. it's a basic answer but looking back on my life, all the way from when 4-year-old me asked my dad what he would do if i shrunk, to writing a story about a giant when i was in 3rd grade to whatever the hell my fanfiction writing has turned into which started in 2018—it's a BIG part of me and has been for a while

20 : have you listened to the crane wives?

UGHMGDS,VXMCM qasdvkmdscMDFFSDVCX I LOVE THE CRANE WIVES. I AM CONSIDERING ASKING TO GO TO ONE OF THEIR SHOWS CAUSE IT'LL BE IN PHILLY !!!!! I LOVE THEM SMM

21 : your first celebrity crush?

aiden gallagher . don't ask. and it only worsened with tua. but i am out of that phase now ^_^

24 : what have you learned about yourself?

that i'm more like my mother than i ever thought i'd be eueue (in a /neutral way cause she's a great mom i just find myself doing the habits of hers that i never liked)

25 : can you tie a cherry stem with your tongue?

ah, no. i've tried once and gave up ,, i hope to eventually be able to do it tho !!

26 : do you believe in aliens?

in a way, yes, because there is a lot in the universe and i refuse to believe there isn't some type of life out there, but it's my same response with ghosts: i want to believe

28 : an unusual song that's your favorite?

LOTS. to narrow down on one, any of my favorite broadway songs. in any scenario i would never put it on a playlist but i fucking love broadway sm it itches something in my brain. probably something from heathers cause that's such a dark humor-ed thing,,,,

also a tv show called earth isn't my favorite but it's really sweet idek why i enjoy it sm <3

29 : the last thing you ate?

candy cigarettes !! the chalky ones

30 : do you have a favorite time to write?

mainly at night, from the hours of 12-1 when i really want to sleep but there's a scene in my head that won't leave >:)

31 : have you gotten bitten by a dog?

of course,, but nothing dangerous just when they accidentally bite while playing

32 : do you write better with a pen or pencil?

my handwriting is better with a pencil but it's easier to write with a pen imo

34 : when you hear "peace" what do you think of?

mmhghh satisfaction on everyone's person.

35 : a school subject you're good with?

honestly i'm pretty good at math. i'm not the best and it gets overwhelming but it always does ,,,,

36 : how many alarms do you have set?

one, (for 9:40 am), and i don't follow it. i mean not usually. i'll either wake up before it, sleep through it, or wake up to it and then fall back asleep eueu

37 : do you shop at thrift stores?

when my mom takes me to one, yeah !

38 : what's the meaning behind your url?

mm i have good stuff for this. my name is brick, of course, and then in the show derry girls one of the characters is constantly saying 'fuck-a-doodle-do' for a few episodes and then i decided to combine the two. it has NOTHING to do with cock-a-doodle-do, chickens do not deserve my respect.

40 : who's your favorite character to write?

i feel like tommy is my go-to, and yeah the narrator for him is fun asf but i like writing techno. he's fun. i like him a lot more than i did before which i'm really happy about because i found his character very intimidating to write :D

41 : you gotta have a favorite beatles song, what is it?

this may change, but it's twist and shout. it reminds me of my dad :D

42 : earphones or a speaker?

earphones for the quiet me-time, and speaker for the times when i'm feeling extroverted or when i'm in the car w my mom :)

43 : what do you remember from your childhood?

this is such a vague question. i uHNMM remember lots of stuff, but mostly my annual trips to disney world with my family !!

46 : a christmas song you secretly like?

there is no secret here, but i LOVE ¿dónde está santa clause? it's mildly racist but i love the ending sm 😭

47 : book stores or record stores?

book stores !

48 : how weird were these questions

i found them pretty neutral eueueu and fvcnhcjfdbbcx ahhhh finally i am at the end !!!!!

49 : what scents do you like?

gasoline and chemical-induced markers...i'm not ashamed to admit that. they're so bad for you but they SMELL SO GOOD why ??????? also i love pinapple scented stuff :D

50 : are there 20 new aus i have to catch up on?

ah, YES. yes there are. they should all be on my masterpost! but that's just the names of them, altho i'm sure if you searched on my page you could find them easily ,,,

,,, ah. well. i'd say thank you for the ask....but am i really thankful? /j of course i am. hope you are having a good day and are doing good ! <3<3

#brickquiries #ask games #small brain brickling #sb my beloved :]#hiii welcome back !!!

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skloomdumpster · 2 years

Note

Hi there!

Just wanted to tell you thank you for making me like Skloom a little more. I’m fan of the cartoon too and I never stand them and even with Fate Skloom I was skeptical at the beginning, than I found your blog and here I am: a huge Rivusa stan (yes, sorry, I am) who ended up loving Skloom too.

Wanted to add that I loove your fanfictions! Always being there waiting for you to update them, not gonna lie (yeah, this probably makes me sound desperate). I just really like the way you write about them.

Also, since I’ve seen it more than once on here, how does the fandom’s Discord works? I mean I’m curious about it and am thinking about join it but yeah being the anxious person that I am i thought it was a good idea to ask.

Sorry for my rambling

Hi Sam! I hope you're having a lovely evening <3

First off, thank you so much for the compliments, I'm so happy my incoherent ramblings about my otp made them all the more appealing to you! Secondly, do not apologize for liking rivusa! Or for rambling! These are all more than welcome here, I promise.

About discord, have you ever had a discord?

Basically its one big chat room, but with many different tabs dedicated to different things. In the winxsource discord we have tabs for different ships, for fic writing, gif making, for the challenged, discussions and also just for general chatting, like venting and off topic stuff.

You're welcome to say your name (or any nickname you wanna go by), pronounsn and whatever else you wanna disclose, if anything.

It's a pretty friendly place and I'm incredibly proud of that tiny community we have going, you're more than invited to join Sam!

The only caveat is that the discord is 18+, seeing as we openly discuss smut and many adult authors wouldn't feel comfortable doing so in a chat filled with minors.

Here's the link if you do chose to join! ❤❤❤

#fate the winx saga #fate: the winx saga

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booklovertwilight · 1 year

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☕️ thoughts on different fanfiction sites perhaps? (AO3 vs Wattpad vs ffnet vs whatever else there is lol)

Hi friend! Sorry for the late reply, one of my posts blew up and the notification avalanche scared me off the site for a few days.

So I've been writing fanfic for *checks watch* 13 years now. I've posted it on AO3, Wattpad, FanFiction.net, Reddit, DeviantArt, YouTube comments sections, and blogs I set up myself. I'mma cover the first three individually, and do the others as a sort of collective.

I started off writing on FFnet back in 2009, and even back then I was aggravated by how much work it takes to do something as simple as post a new chapter. The UI to search for and read fic is fine, I guess, but as a prolific writer (I posted over a dozen stories on that site), the fact that it takes like ten steps to post a chapter is just Bad™. Like you have to 1) open your author profile 2) go to the side column and expand the 'works' tab 3) go to 'manage works' 4) scroll through your entire list of fics to find the one you want to add a chapter to 5) click the chapters list 6) click the add chapter button .... etc etc AAAAAAA. I have not written anything on the site in years and I still remember this stupid process. Btw the menus still look & act like this. In fucking 2022.

Wattpad is much nicer in terms of user interface. In fact it's got an option to add cover art which will be displayed front and centre along with the title and summary in search results, which, as a writer/artist who draws his own covers for his fics anyway, I thought was great. Generally, the process of posting new works / new chapters to existing works is a lot more seamless here than, actually, any other site on this list. It's also got this neat feature where you can comment on a fic line-by-line, by highlighting the text, which is a lot more user-friendly than having to copy the text and paste it in quote marks into a comment. But the nice UI/UX can't make up for the fact that -- at least in 2014, which was when I briefly tried writing there -- Wattpad was a cesspool of the most annoying human beings to ever exist. I wanted to post my writing to a community that would give me interesting comments and useful feedback, not write incoherently-spelled rants about how I was taking the source material too seriously. I lasted on Wattpad about 5 months.

After I quit FFnet and Wattpad I went around posting fic to a bunch of random forums, none of which really worked well because they hadn't been designed for that purpose. Posting long-form stories (which is pretty much all I write) to either Reddit or DeviantArt is an absolute nightmare of comment-section-linking. And posting fic to my own blog requires I have some way to bring people to see it, which is remarkably difficult to pull off and requires a lot of work. And on top of all that, there's no community, really, so you get whatever bottom-of-the-barrel internet trolls think it would be funny to harass you.

AO3 is where I post my fic now (@booklovertwilight on there too, in case there's still anyone following me who doesn't know that), and for good reason. I've tried a lot of stuff (perhaps too much stuff) and it's all-around better than anything else available. Its UI isn't the best, but it's manageable. Its site design is pretty good. But crucially, the community on there is just wonderful. Part of this is the fact that the Death Note fandom in specific is just a lovely place to be (nowadays), but even when I've posted fic for larger or more militant fanbases (*cough cough* Sword Art Online), even the criticisms have been coherent and well-thought-out. I felt less like I was being ridiculed in a school cafeteria and more like I was being given a constructive critique by a fellow english major.

There's also the factor of legal recourse. I used to write long disclaimers at the top of my FFnet stories saying things like "I make no money off all this, all rights belong to [creator of canon], please don't sue me I'm broke". Everyone did. I absolutely love the dignity in being able to post fic without having to grovel to the copyright overlords, knowing some lawyer I pay for with my yearly donations is doing it for me. The community is what brought me to AO3, but the legal safety is what's gonna keep me here.

Hope that answered your question, friend! Thank you very much for the ask, this was a lot of fun to think and talk about <3

#asks #fanfiction sites #my thoughts

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theuniversalguardian · 24 days

Text

Introduction

(Darnit, I'm laughing rn because this is how I'd start a book of mine on Wattpad- Speaking of which, I put a link to my Wattpad account at the end of the post.)

Hello to whoever might be reading this despite it being unlikely anyone cares just yet. You can call me whatever you want, you can make a nickname out of my username or the name I'm currently using, whatever you prefer. My age and gender aren't important because I prefer keeping my personal information private for my own safety. Also the only reason I'm writing this is because I don't wanna type a bunch of things in my bio and only discover when I'm done that there's a word limit-

Another thing I forgot to add when I first wrote this, on Tumblr, I follow people because I like their posts, or if they're a friend from Wattpad. On Wattpad, I only follow people I consider personal friends.

I kinda just repost my Wattpad stuff here on Tumblr so more people can find my work. At the moment, I'm just posting random stuff there. My random things and updates regarding my profile and books are in my book called Book Of Randoms, whichever is the most recent one by the time you are seeing this. Random posts without context that you'll see in my blog are just snippets of the randomness that comes out of that book. My book titled "All about Clip!" is a book that separates my original characters from the rest of the chaos on my profile. It'll be full of it's own chaos at some point, and eventually the characters will get their own story. Here's a picture of my OC incase you're interested:

I woulda used the cover of the book, but I had to clear space on my phone and deleted the image. It's still saved on my ibisPaint app, but I'm too lazy to go download it. I'd rather just finish writing this post (it's 9:00 PM while I'm writing this 😅)

My actual fanfictions, well... That's a bit of a complicated predicament. I have 2 currently, the first one is called "My Inner Feelings", it's a human AU of Aphmau's My Inner Demons series. It was supposed to be centered around Noi growing up as a human, all my AU. But I stopped putting effort into it after spending months writing chapter 1 and just losing motivation. Eventually I published it just to see what people thought of it. I wouldn't call it a good fanfic. If you knew the full story that was going on in my head when I first started writing it, you'd probs either call the cops on me or cringe all the way back into your stomach. So the fanfic is discontinued, I refuse to continue it, unless anyone is willing to help.

The other fanfic is called "House Of Memories". It's also a My Inner Demons fanfic, and yes, it was inspired by the song House of memories by Panic! At The Disco, I was actually listening to it on loop while writing chapter 1. If you knew what was going through my head, you'd understand, I'm sure. It's a crossover fic between MID and my AU of the Aphmau SMP. Currently it's on hold because I'm rewriting it. If you check the current version out and don't like it, I can't say I blame you. But it's not discontinued permanently.

I also have an MID dares book, you're welcome to submit your dares anywhere I can find them, wether here or on Wattpad.

I used to have a Quotev account, but not anymore, so I moved my quiz to Wattpad. It's an MID quiz about which of the 5 daemos would adopt you if you were a child, I created this quiz in the middle of some random night last year when I was bored. I had a hard time figuring out how I'd do it, but I did. I'd appreciate if you tried it atleast once (and not leave after seeing less than 10 of the questions like most readers so far)

So yeah, most of my stuff is centered around MID 😂 and my main motivation is not finding a story or quiz with the base idea I'm looking for. Lastly, if you want to talk to me, please contact me by posting a message in my Wattpad conversation tab. I don't feel comfortable answering random DMs. And I don't know exactly how Tumblr works yet, I'm writing this post on my first day of having an account, but I wouldn't recommend that you look at my Wattpad content if you're younger than 13 or get offended easily. It seems fine now aside from excessive swearing, but things only get worse from there when it comes to story writing. The current chaos on my profile is kinda just the appetizer, I only have 12 followers there right now anyway. I know that probably sounds confusing but I'm not a Wattpader who holds back. If I have something to say, I won't say it here, but I'll say it there :)

...Okay bye-

If you don't want to go searching yourself, here's a link to my Wattpad account:

#intro post #introduction #blog intro #aphmau #aphmau my inner demons #my inner demons #aphmau mid #wattpad #wattpad fanfiction #aphmau fanfic #my inner demons aphmau

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riitah · 1 year

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about me!!

hey there! my name's riitah, and writing fanfiction is one of my hobbies. though it's literally just me pumping out stories when i have the motivation to, or else my ideas just sit in the drafts for months (i literally have 29 (update: 36 GUYS I CAN'T FINISH ANYTHING I'M SO SORRY) drafts currently and i can't finish any of them).

as time passes, there'll be fanfics for other fandoms here...probably. but that also means that content relating to past fandoms will be seen less and less cough genshin cough cough

if you wanna go see what other work is on here, i have a masterlist for that! it's the tab listed "table of contents." happy reading!

(oh, and, you should like, totally check out the blog i share with my friend. i know, i know... there's still a request i can't seem to finish and it's just...sitting there... i'll get to finishing it...)

i have developed a liking to talking and ranting about the anime or whatever franchise the post's related to in the (a/n), but i think i should give that its own separate post/tag...

thanks for stopping by, and for all of your support! make sure to stay hydrated and take breaks when you need them! <3

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jomatto · 1 year

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Hey Jomatto! I'm a longtime fan and I just wanted to express my appreciation and admiration for your work. I read an impressive amount of mostly terrible, occasionally amazing KH fanfiction as a teen and you were far and away the most interesting storyteller and technically proficient writer I was lucky enough to chance upon. I made it a habit of checking your FF page and blog every few months for the past decade, always glad to see you're still kickin'. Looking forward to whatever you do next.

I'm flattered that there are people out there who like my stories enough to keep tabs on me. I'd left me for dead in all honesty.

For this year, I decided to set aside around 10 minutes a day solely for writing. Some days are good, and some are bad, and I've been feeling a little rusty.

I've been watching a lot of Cobra Kai lately, almost near the end of the third season, and it's been hitting me good, so I've been taking notes, trying to gather inspiration wherever I can. It has the sort of vibe that I'm aiming for in my next story -- a good mix of humor, drama, and heartfelt emotion.

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my-bated-breath · 4 years

Text

Research Shows that Zutara Would Have Been the Ideal Friends to Lovers Dynamic

(featured below: a very self-indulgent Zutara post that uses Facts and Evidence to be self-indulgent)

When I joined the ATLA fandom, a common trend I've seen used to discredit Zutara was the belief that upon transitioning from a platonic relationship to a romantic one, Zuko and Katara would immediately become The Worst (TM) for each other. It's quite the stretch, and the Zutara fandom nearly unanimously recognizes that. Still, since the attacks have yet to cease even 15 years after the show’s first release, I'd like to add my two-cents on the subject, along with a reference to actual research that is much harder to dismiss.

The reason why Zutara is framed as a “toxic and unhealthy” relationship is that their romance would be a classic example of the enemies-to-lovers trope, a trope which modern media has not been particularly kind to. However, when executed correctly, enemies-to-lovers can produce a healthy and loving relationship, frequently relying on friendship as an intermediate between the “enemy” and “lover” stages in the most well-executed versions of this trope. Meanwhile, the trope of friends-to-lovers is just as popular as enemies-to-lovers, though the specific dynamic required between two individuals to achieve this transition is not well-known. Recognizing this, Laura K. Guerrero and Paul A. Mongeau, both of whom are involved in relationship-related research as professors at Arizona State University, wrote a research paper on how friendships may transition into romantic relationships.

While “On Becoming ‘More Than Friends: The Transition From Friendship to Romantic Relationship” covers a variety of aspects regarding how friends may approach a budding romantic relationship, this meta will focus on the section titled “The Trajectory from Platonic Friendship to Romantic Relationship,” which describes stages of intimacy that are in common between platonic and romantic relationships.

(I am only using this one source for my meta because as much as I love research and argumentative writing, I can only give myself so much more school work before I break. If you wish to see more sources that corroborate the argument from above, refer to the end of this meta at the “Works Cited.”)

According to Guerrero and Mongeau, “...scholars have argued that intimacy is located in different types of interactions, ranging from sexual activity and physical contact to warm, cozy interactions that can occur between friends, family members, and lovers…” Guerrero and Mongeau then reference a relationship model where the initial stages (i.e. perceiving similarities, achieving rapport, and inducing self-disclosure) reflect platonic/romantic intimacy through communication while the latter stages (i.e. role-taking, achieving interpersonal role fit, and achieving dyadic crystallization) often see both individuals as achieving a higher level of intimacy that involves more self-awareness.

Definitions, because some terminology in this quote is field-specific:

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Perception of similarity: (similar in background, values, etc.) which contributes to pair rapport

Pair rapport: produces positive emotional and behavioral responses to the partner, promotes effective communication and instills feelings of self-validation

Self-disclosure: a process of communication by which one person reveals information about themselves to another. The information can be descriptive or evaluative and can include thoughts, feelings, aspirations, goals, failures, successes, fears, and dreams, as well as one's likes, dislikes, and favorites.

Role-taking: ability to understand the partner's perspective and empathize with his/her role in the interaction and the relationship

Role-fit: partners assess the extent of their similarities in personality, needs, and roles

Dyadic crystallization: partners become increasingly involved with each other and committed to the relationship and they form an identity as a committed couple

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(Source: Quizlet -- not the most reliable source, I know, but once again field-specific terms tend to be ubiquitous in their definitions, and I doubt that this Quizlet can be that inaccurate)

(Additional note: only the first three definitions will be relevant to this meta, but the other definitions are left in for all of you who want to speculate what the next part of this meta, which may or may not be published the following week, will be about.)

Let’s apply what we just learned back to the real Zuko-Katara relationship we see throughout the show. What attributes of healthy and natural friends-to-lovers dynamics may they check off?

Perceiving similarities:

Zuko and Katara share an astounding number of parallels in background and character throughout the show. Both their mothers had sacrificed their lives to save them, and then there are many deliberate parallels drawn between Zuko and Katara’s confrontations in the Day of Black Sun and The Southern Raiders, respectively. Of course, there are more, but since I do not have much to add to this subject, I’ll say that perceiving these similarities helps contribute to…

Pair rapport:

We see three standout examples of this from the show in which Zuko and Katara “make positive emotional and behavioral responses” towards each other: In the Crossroads of Destiny, the Southern Raiders, and Sozin's Comet, Part 2: The Old Masters.

(1) Crossroads of Destiny. Zuko and Katara bond over the loss of their mothers in the Crystal Catacombs, allowing themselves to truly see the other for the first time as well as for them to speak civilly and intimately (is this self-disclosure I see?) with each other. Of course, their conversation (on-screen or off-screen) is meaningful enough for Katara to offer to use the Spirit Oasis water to heal Zuko’s scar.

(2) The Southern Raiders. The journey Zuko and Katara take for her to achieve closure (which is something Zuko himself knew was necessary to heal and grow) is the catalyst for Katara forgiving Zuko. Though there is no true “rapport” in the scene where Katara forgives him, all other banter/conversations (in the Ember Island Players and the ATLA finale) between Katara and Zuko are reliant on the moment she forgives him.

(3) Sozin's Comet, Part 2: The Old Masters. In the finale, Zuko experiences a moment of uncertainty before just before he faces his uncle -- his uncle who had always been there for him since the days of his banishment, his uncle had loved him unconditionally even when Zuko did not know that such love was possible, his uncle who loved him like his own son, his uncle who he betrayed in the Crystal Catacombs, his uncle who turned away when he was encased in crystal, too disappointed to look him in the eye. He tells this to Katara -- and what does Katara say to Zuko in response?

“Then he'll forgive you. He will.”

The dialogue speaks for itself. The positive emotional response, the open communication, and the (rightful) encouragement Katara provides, all without invalidating Zuko’s self-doubt, demonstrates the epitome of pair rapport. Further elaboration would simply be me gushing over their dynamic.

Self-disclosure:

Self-disclosure involves revealing intimate feelings. We’re revisiting the same three episodes that we covered up above since they all include self-disclosure.

(1) The Crossroads of Destiny. When he reaches out in the Crystal Catacombs, Zuko reveals something to Katara that he has never told anyone before, perhaps something he didn’t even want to admit to himself -- in response to “the Fire Nation took my mother away from me” he says “that's something we have in common.” And to say that out loud, to say it to himself and Katara when for three whole years he’s been trying to convince himself that the Fire Nation is good and that his father loves him -- there are no words to describe it. It’s both awe-inspiring and heartbreaking to see that Zuko and Katara’s shared pain is what allowed them to see each other as more than the “face of the enemy,” and it’s something so poignant that it forms an immediately profound connection between the two.

(2) The Southern Raiders. On their way to the Fire Nation communications tower on Whale Tail Island, Katara tells the story of her mother’s death, a story that has haunted her memories for years, looming over her as a ghost, a wound that festers into fear to grief to anger. This was the moment that divided Katara’s life into the Before and the After, the one that forced her to abandon childhood and to become a mother to her own brother (as implied by Sokka in his conversation with Toph in the Runaway). And yet this is the first time we see her tell someone her story in the show, full and vivid as if it happened yesterday. Because even though she mentioned her mother before to Aang, Haru, and Jet in order to sympathize with them -- it’s just that. Sympathizing. This time she tells Zuko about her mother’s death for her own sake rather than for another’s. And it’s an incredibly intimate moment, one that is made even more fragile, wrenching, and beautiful by Zuko’s response -- “Your mother was a brave woman.”

(3) Sozin's Comet, Part 2: The Old Masters. Throughout the second half of season 3, Zuko shares his love and insecurities regarding Iroh to every member of the GAang.

In the Firebending Masters, he mentions to Aang offhandedly -- and perhaps too offhandedly, as if he didn’t want to believe it himself -- that Iroh, Dragon of the West, received his honorary title for killing the last dragon.

An episode later in part one of the Boiling Rock, Zuko talks about his uncle with near constancy. He brews tea for the GAang and (endearingly) tries retelling “Uncle’s favorite tea joke.” He tells Sokka, “Hey, hold on. Not everyone in my family is like that… I meant my uncle. He was more of a father to me. And I really let him down.” He (fails at, adorably) giving advice to Sokka when the rescue mission to the Boiling Rock has begun to look helpless, asking himself “what would Uncle say?” before completely floundering away.

Then, in the Ember Island Players, he shares a sweet moment with Toph, bitterly spitting out that

“...for me, [the play] takes all the mistakes I've made in my life, and shoves them back in my face. My uncle, he's always been on my side, even when things were bad. He was there for me, he taught me so much, and how do I repay him? With a knife in his back. It's my greatest regret, and I may never get to redeem myself.”

Toph, in turn, reveals the thoughtful side to her character, the side that is almost always hidden, telling Zuko that “you have redeemed yourself to your uncle. You don't realize it, but you already have.”

And every one of these moments matter, because we see Zuko’s inner conflict (though this inner conflict does not exist to the extent at which it did at the first half of season 3) and its evolution. First, with Aang, he remains skeptical and disillusioned. Second, with Sokka, his longing for Iroh’s love and presence manifests itself in him imitating his uncle as well as he can. Third, with Toph, he finally admits everything he had been afraid of ever since he saw Iroh’s empty prison cell during the eclipse -- that Iroh is disappointed in him. That Iroh hates him. That Iroh will never accept him again.

And for a moment, with Toph’s encouraging response and Zuko’s resulting little smile, it appears as though Zuko’s internal conflict arc is concluded. But we are wrong -- because in the finale of the show, we are given the true climax and resolution to Zuko’s insecurities, fears, and self-loathing. And who is it that he shares this moment with?

It speaks volumes about Zuko and Katara’s relationship that Katara is the one to comfort Zuko in this scene, in that last moment of hesitation right before he steps inside his uncle’s tent, preparing himself to see his uncle as a completely changed person. As a person who now knows humility and unconditional love. And remember -- selecting Katara to be in this scene is a deliberate narrative choice because ATLA was written by a team of producers and writers, and perhaps even if it wasn’t, it becomes a powerful moment in which Zuko’s arc with Iroh reaches its peak.

Simply having Katara there in this scene already has such a great narrative impact, but then the show gives us some of the most intimate dialogue that Zuko, a naturally closed-off person, delivers (although his emotional outbursts may suggest otherwise, Zuko tends to hide most of his internally conflicting feelings to himself. Hence, he is always able to dramatically monologue about his honor, his country, and his throne -- because he’s trying to convince himself to play a part. But that’s another meta for another day).

Let’s begin by comparing Toph and Zuko’s dialogue with Katara and Zuko’s dialogue because both see the other party validating Zuko’s feelings.

(Warning: the following section plunges deep into the realm of speculation and overanalyzing dialogue. Regarding literature or any media, there are countless ways to interpret the source material, and this is simply one way it could be done.)

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Ember Island Players Dialogue:

Toph: Geez, everyone's getting so upset about their characters. Even you seem more down than usual, and that's saying something!

Zuko: You don't get it, it's different for you. You get a muscly version of yourself, taking down ten bad guys at once, and making sassy remarks.

Toph: Yeah, that's pretty great!

Zuko: But for me, it takes all the mistakes I've made in my life, and shoves them back in my face. My uncle, he's always been on my side, even when things were bad. He was there for me, he taught me so much, and how do I repay him? With a knife in his back. It's my greatest regret, and I may never get to redeem myself.

_____

Although Toph and Zuko’s dynamic is one of the most innocent and understanding throughout the show, the conversation begins with Toph joking with a negative connotation -- that “even [Zuko seemed] more down than usual, and that’s saying something!” Thus, the conversation opener is not one that allows for Zuko to easily be emotionally vulnerable, and so he responds bitterly and angrily -- “You don’t get it, it’s different for you” and “...and how do I repay him? With a knife in his back.” By stating that their portrayals in the shows were different, Zuko mentally places a wall between himself and Toph, saying that “[Toph doesn’t] get it.” Then, the rhetorical question Zuko asks himself and the shortness with which he answers the question showcases a forceful and biting tone, indicating that he is covering up his inner turmoil with vehemence. This tendency is something we’ve seen Zuko default to before, whenever he had shouted the oft-mocked “I must restore my honor!” lines in response to a few introspective questions Iroh had asked (though once again, that’s another meta for another day). Now, let’s examine the remainder of their conversation.

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Ember Island Players Dialogue Continued:

Toph: You have redeemed yourself to your uncle. You don't realize it, but you already have.

Zuko: How do you know?

Toph: Because I once had a long conversation with the guy, and all he would talk about was you.

Zuko: Really?

Toph: Yeah, and it was kind of annoying.

Zuko: Oh, sorry.

_____

Here we see Toph and Zuko’s conversation take a more serious turn as Toph becomes more sincere. Zuko, however, is still full of self-doubt as he is constantly questioning Toph with “how do you know?” and “really” and “oh, sorry.”

(featured up above: Zuko looking dejected and doubtful.)

Still, the conversation ends on a sweet and inspiring note:

_____

Ember Island Players Dialogue Continued:

Toph: But it was also very sweet. All your uncle wanted was for you to find your own path, and see the light. Now you're here with us. He'd be proud.

_____

Hence, though Zuko and Toph’s conversation displays a heartening and hopeful dynamic, Zuko is ultimately still guarded for the majority of their conversation. Now, let’s look at how Katara approaches Zuko in the Sozin’s Comet, Part 2: The Old Masters.

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Sozin’s Comet, Part 2: The Old Masters Dialogue:

Katara: Are you okay?

Zuko: No, I'm not okay. My uncle hates me, I know it. He loved and supported me in every way he could, and I still turned against him. How can I even face him?

Katara: Zuko, you're sorry for what you did, right?

Zuko: More sorry than I've been about anything in my entire life.

_____

In direct contrast to the conversation opener with Toph, Katara begins to engage Zuko with an openly concerned question. And even though Katara never disappointed an Iroh-figure in her life in the way Zuko has, Zuko immediately doesn’t close himself off from her, he doesn’t create a wall that prevents him from revealing his deepest fears to her. During this scene, he neither sounds bitter or angry -- he sounds lost, doubtful, and afraid (perhaps even afraid to hope). This shift in tone is blatant in his voice (thanks to Dante Basco’s line delivery) but even with nothing but the written dialogue, we can note the difference in which he describes his turmoil to Toph and as compared to Katara:

With Toph: “But for me, it takes all the mistakes I've made in my life, and shoves them back in my face. My uncle, he's always been on my side, even when things were bad. He was there for me, he taught me so much, and how do I repay him? With a knife in his back. It's my greatest regret, and I may never get to redeem myself.”

With Katara: “No, I'm not okay. My uncle hates me, I know it. He loved and supported me in every way he could, and I still turned against him. How can I even face him?”

With Katara, the underlying bitterness from his conversation with Toph is toned down to the point of nonexistence, though a part of it is still there. With Toph, Zuko says, “it takes all the mistakes I’ve made in my life, and shoves them back in my face,” which is a rather incensed statement. Meanwhile, by saying, “no, I'm not okay. My uncle hates me, I know it,” Zuko directly addresses his self-loathing without the use of language such as “shoves them back in my face,” the latter of which is reminiscent of how individuals may unthinkingly reveal information in a sudden emotional outburst.

Then, when Katara asks him if he’s sorry for what he did, the words come easily to Zuko, the most easily he admits to his own mistakes after three years of not admitting anything truthful to himself: “More sorry than I've been about anything in my entire life.”

And Katara, just as Toph did, says with the utmost confidence and sincerity, “Then he'll forgive you. He will.”

This moment of affirmation that runs parallel between both dialogues is where Zuko’s responses begin to diverge. Whereas Zuko reacts to Toph with disbelief and doubt, this is how he reacts once he hears Katara’s words:

He takes Katara’s words to heart and accepts them. Because out of all the GAang, Katara is the one who knows the most about forgiving him, who most keenly feels the change he underwent since his betrayal in the catacombs. And so he stands, still nervous but no longer afraid, facing forward towards the future instead of back into his past.

Iroh and Zuko’s relationship is one of the most important ones throughout the entire show, so to see Katara play a pivotal role in a critical point in their dynamic shows just how important Katara’s character is to Zuko (and vice versa, though in here I do touch upon the former in more detail).

Although my analysis on the self-disclosure between Zuko and Katara may have run away from me a bit (due to my love for far-too-in-depth critical analysis), these all show an undeniable bond between Zuko and Katara, displaying a profound friendship rooted in narrative parallels, mutual understanding, and interwoven character arcs. Ultimately, their fulfillment of perceived similarities, pair rapport, and (the one I rambled most on) self-disclosure is what establishes Zuko and Katara as not just a strong platonic bond -- but one that has the potential to transition into a romantic one.

Thus concludes my essay on Zutara’s friendship and its connection with the initial stages of intimacy that are shared between both platonic and romantic bonds. After all that analysis, it would be remiss to simply dismiss the Zutara dynamic as one that would instantly become toxic should they pursue a romantic relationship.

That being said, I will explore the possibility of a romantic relationship between Zuko and Katara and how this connects to the latter stages of intimacy -- role-taking, interpersonal role fit, and dyadic crystallization -- in part 2 of this meta-analysis. Click on the link if you want to read it!

Part 2

Works Cited

(only partially in MLA 8 format because I want to live a little)

Close Relationships: A Sourcebook. By Clyde A. Hendrick & Susan S. Hendrick. Link

“Nonverbal behavior in intimate interactions and intimate relationships.” By P.A Andersen, Laura K. Guerrero, & Susanne M. Jones. Link

“On Becoming ‘More Than Friends’: The Transition From Friendship to Romantic Relationship.” By Laura K. Guerrero & Paul A. Mongeau. Link

The Psychology of Intimacy (The Guilford Series on Personal Relationships). By Karen J. Prager. Link

(If you check some of these links, you may note a few of these sources have been cited quite a few times. With just a bit more research, it appears possible to find a plethora of other sources to corroborate the theory of shared platonic-romantic intimacies.)

Thank you all for reading!

#atla #atla meta #zutara #zutara meta #my bated breath analyzes #research on relationship intimacy #influenced by academic writing #i have more metas coming soon #but until then you can find that i do other writing as well #like fanfiction #check out my fanfiction on the My Writing tab on my blog #please like and reblog to prove Zutara with Facts and Evidence everyone #my bated breath's posts

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talkbykhalid · 2 years

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are there any writers/blogs you look up to? ✨

im actually so so glad that you ask. let me open my collection of unopened tabs of my favourite blogs (this became unexpectedly long so its all under the cut):

[important note: some (possibly most) of these blogs are nsfw, if you are a minor, please do not interact with any of the 18+ blogs]

@vocalyunho @woobly @halaboyz @yunhoflrtz @yeoandmoon @mingirn and @mingigoo to name a few moots who wrote some of my favourite fics

(not my moots but) i look up a lot to:

@escapewriter (i love coffee house diaries, theyre so good! i recommend u check it out)

@tenelkadjowrites (im so serious when i say this, tenelkadjowrites is the god amongst all gods of fanfiction. im so serious, everything they come up with is just a hit. ive read everything at least fifteen times and then some)

@hongism (one of the strongest soldiers of atinyblr, been a big fan since the dawn of time)

@in-san-ity (WHEN I TELL YOU the number of times i read zemblanity, there was a phase where i read it every night to sleep, partially bc im crazy for jongho, but also bc its so so good; ANOTHER RECOMENDATION!)

@atozfic (EVERYTHING!! and i mean EVERY SINGLE THING that comes out of the atozfic headquarters is a bona fide banger)

@baekhvuns (if u havent read anything by kira you should really get up off your ass and visit her blog RFN! im so serious everything she writes is so amazing, also shes like so nice and funny and kind)

@santheestallion (when i read dance for you i was fucking REELING I LURCHED its so so amazing spectacular, jaw dropping, show stopping, and other words from the great british bake off)

@atzsslut (need i say more? cmon guys, HELLO? 10/10, her works are so,, i cant explain it in words but UDIFAF the way its written is so good like u wont regret checking her blog)

@atinywhore (no words, just go to the blog and read everything. you will not regret a thing)

@setsugekka (obviously, the fic god has to be here. especially after i read paradise lost, MY GOD. i am no longer the same person as i was before reading that)

@mia-tiny (go read unexpected company and a tempting month rfn! my personal favs honestly,, my god GO READ THEM WHAT R U DOING)

@the7thcrow (*banging on the table* IM ADDICTED TO DAISIES!! i love everything about it, i wish that was me!!! THAT SHOULD BE MEEE!)

@latte-fairytaekwoon (QUEEN OF REACTIONS!! i swear when i want to feel something, her works will do exactly that.)

anyway, this is slowly becoming a fic rec post, yikes. that'll be all for today, i swear i have so much more but i need to go to sleep, i have class tmrw 😔

#letters #.#who else omg im still thinking #im trying to think of other writers that i love #but this post is getting too long #im sorry for bothering u guys #also if anyone is interested maybe ill make a list of my personal fav fics on tumblr n ao3 #im reading thru this and its actually so long #like im kind of embarrassed #bc i spend so much time reading #damn gurl r u THAT boring irl?#i have no outside life #im sorry

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heloisedaphnebrightmore · 3 years

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How to grow your blog - For Beginners!

Since I receive quite a few messages about how I grew my blog and how others could improve theirs, I decided to do this post to help you with whatever knowledge I gathered throughout my time on here.

Disclaimer: These are only my personal observations, there's no proven success if used and they may differ in other people's case.

Things I will discuss below will include;

Interactions

Masterlists / Navigations