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ma3mae · 1 year

Text

No one likes syringes!

Summary : You gotta take your weekly syringe but you're afraid of needles so how can these mfs (Dazai, Kunikida, Atsushi, Aku, Chuuya) convince you to take it 🤷

Genre : bit cracky and fluff, prob lots of teasing bc u know who tf im talking about 💀

Warnings : heartattacks bc we all simp too hard for these men 🛐 maybe a bit of suggestive themes at the end

A/N : managed to inject myself for the first time (aint no drugs, need them bc HEALTH) and bro, my hands r still shaky bc fear 😭 how do ppl do this so easily 💀 also the syringe is like a pen (also for this story) but broo its still scary and i need some bsd character comforting me 😩✋✋

Dazai Osamu

Lets say yall live together and hes at work while u r home alone

cant bring yourself to do it alone bc bro syringes are scary (even if its just a pen bc NEEDLES BRO) 😩😭

So you text him and ask what hes doing and tell him if hes got time to come home asap bc we r nearly crying at this point

hes gonna be SO ANNOYING like "i was just waiting for a text from you~ dont worry, your knight in shining armor will save you"

BROO he prob knew that you gotta take them today and also knew that nothing would be going on at the agency so he couldve stayed at home but nah 😭😭 (sadistic a** fr fr)

but hes still hurrying nonetheless bc hes not that MEAN -right???-

arrives at home and finds you on the couch holding the pen with shaky hands and his heart does feel a TAD bit guilty bc fr he couldve stayed at home and u would have gotten this shit over asap

gon be all like "dw im here now, okay? Lets just get this over with and then we'll cuddle, how about that?"

homegirl is about to cry at this point bc just FREE HER from this misery

sits next down to you and takes the pen from your hands

If you do wanna try it out yourself, he'll gently guide you through it

He knows how afraid you are and teasing would just make you sob instantly bc the pressure is already too much to deal with YEAH U BETTER STFU U TEASE !! jk still love him

will try to change your mind tho by sayinf stuff like "Really? ~ i mean its brave and good of you to try it yourself but I really love helping you, you know. Want to do everything for you, darling." he knows EXACTLY what hes doing to us by saying that

Is prob gonna give us that look and whisper in our ear and shi im sorry im too down bad for this man at this point 😩

if you dont wanna do it yourself then, he'll tell you to look at him while hes pressing the pen onto your thigh or stomach

You still cant keep your eyes off of it? Sry girl, theres only one solution

He'll just click his tounge at you while having that fking smirk on his face as he says "still too distracted, I see? Well seems like theres only one way to help you"

gives you a kiss on the lips and just deepens it while looking STRAIGHT into your eyes got my knees weak for him fr

you only feel a tiny sting and as soon as a "click" is heard, he'll break the kiss and just grins at you as if he didnt trick you lol

but who are you to complain, he sees that you liked it and will def comment on that

"see, love? Wasn't so hard after all. But you still did well. Proud of you as always"

pecks you on the lips again before setting the pen onto the table and wraps his arms around your waist bc NO WAY in hell is he gonna let go after that

"i think i deserve a reward for that~" "you said you were waiting for a text so you KNEW i had to do it today, right?" ".... welp, not gonna apologize on that 🤷🤷🤷"

u can understand why kunikida has to SIGH all the time as soon as dazai opens his mouth but oh well, you're too whipped to care about at this point

wont let you go so guess you'll have to reward him 💅 no ones complaining LOL

if you tell him to help you next time before hes gone for work, he'll def do it bc he loves u but poor kunikida gotta expect him arrive at work late more often bc he wont leave home without rewards 🛐

Kunikida Doppo

You already know that he got the exact day, hour, minute and SECOND written down on when you gotta take your pen

You tell him that the day is enough and that the time doesnt matter but NOO 😤 YOU WILL take it at the exact time

If its at ungodly hours like 3am or smth, bro he'll wake you up like no mercy for his schedule 😭

If u complain to him tho then dw he will rearrange it for u bc he may love to stick to his plans but he wont ignore your needs and stuff either get urself a man who takes care of u like that 😤😤

will prefer to do it before work, so if you're not an early bird then he'll wake u up but dw you'll get a forehead kiss and bro's already fully dressed n' stuff BUT waking up to him looking at you with such a loving gaze will make u forget that its 5-6am or smth 😩

will first let you get up in peace and make u some calming tea bc he knows what will come next ✋

"Y/N, I know you don't like it but you have to take your pen today, okay?"

if we start a tanthrum then he already knows about it like bro's prepared for everything!!

"Kuni, do we really ha-" "Yes." "But you know I dont li-" "Yes and yes. I know you hate it but don't worry, I've already written everything down on how to do it and what to be aware of so its okay to feel afraid but don't worry because I'm here. Nothing will happen and I've already bought your favorite snacks so you'll feel better but dont eat too much of it when I'm gone. "

u already know he spent a night or smth just researching everything about it as soon as you told him

prob even went to a library and once came back home with multiple books in his hands, hes THAT dedicated UGH I LOVE HIM 💕

you could just sob rn bc how did the earth bless you with this man KUNIKIDA I NEED U 😭😭😭

If the pen is kept in a fridge then dw he already put that shit out for it to not be cold anymore (prob counted the minutes and seconds LOL)

he'll sit you down on the bed or couch, disinfect the place on where you'll take it (lol that sounds WRONG) and he'll give you a peck on your forehead before asking if you're alright and ready to go through with it bc no way in hell is he gonna do it while you're too shaken up for it

If you wanna try to do it alone then he'll take your hand into his as you're grabbing the pen, slowly guiding it while praising you for how brave you are for trying this and that hes proud of you IM SOBBING

will also tell you to look at him if you get more afraid by seeing it on your skin

Honestly even if you dont wanna do it yourself, he'll make sure to be there and will praise you every time you get through with it bc you KNOW he means it

Honestly makes you tear up everytime and u just wanna kiss this man fr

you thank him and tell him how glad you are to have him, he'll be smitten even more than he already is

Cup his face with your hands and kiss him bro's gonna find it really difficult to not stay at home and just be in your arms

at the end of the day, his love for you exceeds his ideals so he wouldnt mind arriving at work some minutes later if he gets to have you in his arms for a bit longer

Will arrive at work with such a good mood that hes prob gonna freak dazai out with it especially when he overlooks some dumb remarks from him the power of love YALL but who can blame him, his heart is thumping louder than dazai's rambling LOL

maybe yall will continue when hes back home, who knows 🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐

Nakajima Atsushi

when you told him about the pen for the first time, he was literally thrown off like "wait, so you have to.... stab yourself regularly with that?????"

hes just SO precious bc his heart's squeezing at you asking him if he could help u bc you just feel so comfortable and just knowing that makes him SWOON

But at the same time hes panicking bc HOW CAN HE DO THAT WITHOUT HURTING U

Ngl hes prob also afraid of needles and stuff 😭 is gonna look at u like the pic above LOL

will ask yosano or even recommend that she should do it but you're like "NO!! im sorry, tsushi but im too scared of her and i feel safe with u :(((("

you got him WHIPPED and DEDICATED bc he'll def research that shit through and through

Will ask his coworkers (prob kunikida) how to best handle the situation

has everything ready but will stumble and be kinda hastily about it at first bc hes prob even more nervous than you are 💀

either it implifies your fear more or its just so ridiculous that you're legit like "ily but im not gonna die or smth 🤨🤨🤨" you cant blame him tho 😤

hes gonna be all like "OKAY OKAY, we got this. No, I GOT this s-so no worries, okay?" bro, BREATHE. Hes just about to pass out at this point jk jk

if you decide to try it out alone, he'll be a bit saddened bc does this mean you dont want him to help you after all?? :(( was he not good enough of a choice to be of help :((( TSUSHI STFU ILY

dw just reassure him that you obviously appreciate his help and still need him to be there bc no way in hell can u do it alone without ur hubby

will tell you everything he had learned about the pen and how to use it with a bit of a tremble in his voice but he pulls through with it!!

You manage to do it and BOY get ready for a rant on how proud of you he is

will want to pamper you with kisses on ur face "tsushi, i know that look. Go ahead and do it, dont hold back" "really, y/n!!?" "😩 bro do it ok" will try to hold back with gluing himself onto you but how can he NOT

If u dont wanna do it urself then it will prob go like this:

its time for yk what and he sees the genuine fear in your eyes but dw he got you

hes prob gon be like "my s/o need me rn and i have to help them!!!" hes actually gonna remember everythinf he looked up and prob memorized for you bc hes AN ANGEL will put his forehead against yours and tell you to look at him "i wont let anything hurt you and happen to you. You're afraid and honestly im afraid too but you and i will get through this, okay?" gives you the most lovestruck smile ever before he looks down and counts to three

"breathe in, y/n. It will be okay" he ignores his slightly trembling hands and at the count of three inserts it. GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER📸📸📸

as soon as yall hear a click, he quietly counts to three before pulling it out and BROO the relief is refreshing af

"WE DID IT, Y/N!!!" Is hella giddy bc how can he not be proud of the both of you!!!! You did it!!! will honestly pull you in a hug bc hes just so happy

prob gonna realise that he just did it without asking u and will be sheepish all like "o-oh sorry, i just got too excited" "no tsushi. We should be happy about this so dont let go!!" no need to say it twice bc hes gonna wrap his arms even tighter around you and nuzzle his face into the crook of your neck ILL GIVE U A KISS TSUSHI 🛐🛐

will he feel bad for arriving at work a bit later? Maybe but a scolding from kunikida wont hold him back from holding you for a tad bit longer

He'll be a bit less nervous for the next times and it will surely decrease with each time bc practice yk but will obviously still hold you until he made sure that you're feeling okay afterwards

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke

Bro's nearly flabbergasted bc why are you making such a FUSS 🤨🤨 im sry dont sue me

"Calm down, you idiot. It's only a pen. You dont even SEE the needle."

dont ask him why hes staying with you if its JUST a needle then bc bro will prob just straight up get up and leave if you point it out 💀

will prob be the first to not even suggest but just TELL you to do it yourself aku im hurting over here 😩

will prob make an effort in atleast roughly skimming through a website about it prob smth weird like wikihow LMAO

If he does see you how afraid you really are of it, hes rly trying his best to ignore the small ache its giving his heart bc he takes no pleasure in witnessing u be so afraid✋ its still JUST a pen in his eyes at the end of the day lol

will just sigh and snatch that shit from your hands bc he cant bear to see you like this any longer are we looking that pitiful, probably LOL

But he'll be surprisingly soft with his touch, nearly just ghosting you with his hands is that even a term, nvm yall know what i mean

Hes just gonna be straightforward with it bc the faster its over the better. He wont admit that he just wants to help but cant convey it bc what even are feelings 🤷

He'll tilt your chin towards him and just say "Look at me, Y/N. Stop overthinking it. You won't get hurt from this stupid thing, okay? If smth does happen, I'll just destroy the factory thats making this."

You dont know if hes joking to lighten the mood or if hes serious bc its aku

But hes prob joking

anyway hes gonna ask you like smth rly random like "What do you wanna eat later" which will confuse you but you'll answer nonetheless bc hey hes initiating a convo!!

as you start to talk and he notices you're relaxed enough for him, welp yk whats happening

Actually makes you wince a bit bc it just caught you off guard

"Ryuu, what the f-?!" "Just bear with it." ok we have been silenced 🛐

yall hear the click of relief, he counts in his mind to three and quickly pulls that shit out

you're slightly trembling from relief from finally getting it over you and bro just clicks his tounge like "You're such a fool. Cant believe something insignificant like that makes you nearly shit your pants."

you lowkey glare at him for that bc BRO needles r spooky 😭 but dw before you even open your mouth to tell him off, he'll look to the side and say "... You did good for holding that out though... but its still stupid."

just give him a peck on the cheek or smth bc this boy is prob craving some praise after having helped you like that

"Thank you, Ryuu. I couldnt have done this without you. You're the best boyfriend I could ever ask for"

Give him a tight hug, kiss and boom you got him around your finger

he'll take a second to wrap his arms around you and will just hide his face in the crook of ur neck like our other boy tsushi

"Of course, I'd help... I'll still blow up the factory for scaring you like that."

"NO!!" jk he wont if u tell him not to but hes just trying to say he doesnt like seeing u like that we know aku, dw 💕💕

if his coworkers ask why hes arriving a bit later at work, he'll just tell them to shut up and continue with their work

If you look closely you'll see his ears turn a bit pink as he keeps thinking of you and your words 💕💕😭

Nakahara Chuuya

Honestly its gonna be a mix of every reaction possible I think

Like if you tell him about the pen, hes first gonna feel a bit pressured like "O-Oh wait so you want ME to help with it??"

Like no offense hes obviously feeling pretty happy about that you are asking him for help especially for smth important as your health

But he knows hes not the most gentle person and does have his worries that he might accidentally hurt you or smth

wont ask anyone for advice bc its his love of his life can i be that pls that asked HIM so he'll do it at the end of the day!!

but if hes feeling rly unsure then he wont mind slipping a question about it when hes reporting to mori

which means being not subtle at all

"So was that all for today's report of the mission." "Yeah." "Then do you need something or why are you still standing there?" ".... *pulls out a picture of your pen* do you know how to use this?..."

you def know that chuuya's feeling so embarassed that hes asking his BOSS but its a sacrifice hes willing to pay

mori will have mercy on him and tell him what he should be careful of and summarise on how to use it

Will prob throw in a "good luck~" bc how can u not TEASE him

anyway our boy's done his research and now comes the hard part

"Okay, dont panic Y/N." "HOW CAN I NOT WHEN YOU'RE HOLDING IT LIKE YOU'RE GONNA KILL ME" "JUST DONT PANIC, FFS"

dw as soon as he sees you trembling, he'll be softer than a marshmallow

a chuuya one

"Oi, look at me. I'll make sure nothing's gonna happen to you, alright? Will just sting a bit and thats it. Will take care of you after this so you'll forget this ever happened."

HOW CAN U NOT SWOON AT HIM 😩😩

he'll even take off his gloves so you'll be more relaxed if you can feel his skin bro the gloves are giving off doctor vibes in this scenario, will make us panic more LOL

if you really cant keep your eyes off it then well....

"Damn it, love. Stop looking at it." will just press his lips onto you for a second before breaking it and inserting that shi*

"Ch-Chuuya!" "I know, i know. Dont worry, its gonna be over real soon."

And boom thr click is heard and yall are finally done

Honestly his shoulders are gonna relax instantly, boy was tensed up even more than you skskskks but who can blame him

"OMG chuuya we did it!!" "Yeah, you did it, doll." bro's gonna latch onto you again bc that kiss from earlier wasnt enough for the both of u 😩

is it riling yall up? Probably but welp you 're already either shirtless or pantless so only one clothing to pull off less work for yall

Mori's just gonna be like "I see, you managed to get through it" and chuuya just tiltd his fedora down so u cant see his face bc he REALLY wants to ignore that his boss knows whats been holding our boy up cant blame him 🤷🤷🤷

***************

Lol that was WAY too long but honestly this was so good to write 😩 now im just gonna be sad that none of them r here to do it irl but oh welp, will just read more stuff about them ✋💅

#atsushi x reader #chuuya x reader #dazai x reader #akutagawa x reader #kunikida x reader #bsd x reader #bsd dazai #bsd atsushi #bsd akutagawa #bsd chuuya #bsd kunikida #bungou stray dogs x reader

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plus-i-miss-you · 7 months

Note

Oh, one more if that's okay! Yandere Haruka, Mikoto, and Orekoto with their darling prisoner gn!reader please. 👀👀 They're my faves, so...😆

▷ listening to:

"you're just too good to be true" (gn!reader)

⇆ㅤ ㅤ◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷ ㅤㅤ↻ ılıılıılıılıılıılıㅤㅤ

♪ note: ahaha, sorry for starting with your second request! i just suddenly got too inspired :'D i'm working on your first request, i swear! hope you like this one! (i feel like it came out way too cute/fluffy, but maybe that's just me)

♪ summary: yandere!haruka, mikoto and orekoto/john becoming obsessed with you, a fellow prisoner, because you're way too good for them and you make their lives better every day. congratulations, these guys are okay with doing literally anything for you and now es has to worry about them possibly trying to murder someone.

♪ warnings: general yandere themes and behavior, themes of obsession, unhealthy relationship dynamics, there's also some repetition in mikoto's part and a warning for possible themes of derealization in his part too, just in case and also mikoto and john may be slightly ooc here.

haruka sakurai.

♪ i imagine it'd be very easy for haruka to become.. a little bit possessive over someone he likes. it's actually scary just how little you have to do to make him become obsessed with you. seriously, just be nice to him. give him a warm smile every time he looks at you, never forget to say hi to him, praise him for even the simplest and tiniest things, and that's it, the boy won't be able to get you out of his head. he just doesn't understand why you're so kind to him. he also noticed that even though you're nice to others as well, it feels like you kinda give him.. special treatment, maybe? like, your smile is especially wide whenever you see him and you compliment him more often than others.. there's gotta be a reason for it, right?

♪ his obsession with you isn't that noticeable at first. in fact, haruka starts acting in a way that's maybe a little.. cute, even? like, he shyly asks if it's okay for him to sit next to you and when you nod, you can see literal sparkles in his eyes. and when you say how good he is at something, he stares at you for a moment and when you ask him what's wrong, it takes him a bit to respond and he laughs quietly while a drop of sweat runs down his cheek and he says he's just not used to hearing things like that. and when you begin to walk away, he suddenly stops you and asks:

"u-um, y/n!.. d-did you.. you know, uh.. really mean it?"

and you have no idea that you're only encouraging him to go even more insane while turning back to him, smiling and saying yes.

♪ haruka will try so hard to spend even more time with you from now on. whenever everyone is eating, he always sits right next to you, if you're going somewhere, he's already following you, if you're talking about something, he will eagerly nod and agree with you, no matter what you say. someone like you just can't be wrong. honestly, he doesn't even have to think about anything when he's with you. he can just rely on you, right? he knows he's not the brightest person, but you will take good care of him, right? i mean, it's not like you have a choice.

♪ oh, but it doesn't mean that it will just be haruka depending on you for everything! if you need anything from him, please feel free to tell him! he can't make any promises, but he really will try his best to help you! he knows he's slow, he knows he's dumb, but if it's for you, he will try so hard to learn to do all the things you can't do yourself. just please, praise him for all his hard work. it's not such a high price, right? pat his head, call him a good boy, smile at him and only at him, say that you will always be by his side and that you will never, ever, ever leave him. hm? n-no, he did not just call you his mother right now. but he hopes you know that he's more than okay with killing someone for you or even himself if you so desire. again, he's not that smart, but he's strong, so you can trust him, he will take care of it!

mikoto kayano.

♪ .. it would take a LONG time for mikoto to realize that he likes you. yes, he had a girlfriend before according to his interrogation. yes, he's still a little slow when it comes to these things. yes. h-he just has so much on his mind, okay? also, you're just really nice and he enjoys your company a lot! there's nothing more to that, really! and no, he doesn't know what you're talking about, his face is definitely not red! maybe he just has a fever or something, he should go back to his cell, he doesn't want you to catch it, haha.. it's really hard to leave for some reason though. why can't he just take his eyes off you already?..

♪ he would try really hard to distract himself from thinking about you. maybe he should just go and talk to someone else!.. but for some reason hanging out with others isn't so fun anymore. he just can't get rid of those annoying thoughts. what do you think of him? do you like him? do you like him as a friend or in a different way? do you like somebody else? you don't, right? you don't, right? you don't you don't you don't-

"o-oh, sorry, y/n, i kinda spaced out a little, haha. hm? i looked.. angry? come on, don't say such scary things~"

.. but he will still listen a lot more attentively whenever mahiru talks about love around you and you reply to her.

♪ getting enough sleep is also basically impossible because of you now. whenever he closes his eyes, all he can see is you smiling, waving your hand, looking at him, getting a little too close to him.. and he immediately opens his eyes right after that because his heart starts beating way too fast, so fast that mikoto starts thinking that this is the end for him. w-wait, no, no, he shouldn't blame you for this! it's his fault for liking you so much, haha.. wait, so he likes you, huh.. that's it, he finally admitted it. he likes you. a lot. he doesn't know what he should do about it though. well, maybe, after all of this is over, you two can get together?

♪ except his feelings for you are so overwhelming that it doesn't feel like a cute little crush. he can't even simply ask you what you think about him, he starts to shake and stutter and he needs to put on a smile as quickly as he can and assure you that there's nothing wrong with him and he is so sane and so normal. oh, you have to go somewhere? he will go with you! oh, you want to spend some time alone?.. o-okay then. no, no, he's not mad! of course, he respects your privacy and he completely understands if you want to be alone right now! he will just.. stand here, in case you want to talk to him. and when he has to go back to his cell, he still can't fall asleep and he just lies there, staring at the ceiling and wondering what he should do. you have to be his. he feels normal when you're around. he feels at peace. he feels like everything is okay and there's nothing to worry about. .. huh. was there something for him to worry about?.. wait, what was he thinking about again? haha, he should just go to sleep already. you will worry about him if he doesn't get enough sleep- ah. ah, he was thinking about you.

john kayano.

♪ john doesn't really care about his own feelings. his job is to protect mikoto and that's it. he doesn't have time for other things. and why should he, out of all people, be interested in romance?.. well, uh, that's what he thought. honestly, you're so weird. since the second trial started, he's been the one who's fronting and pretty much all prisoners have been avoiding him, even shidou and kazui, but he wasn't mad or anything. actually, it's better for mikoto's safety if everyone just leaves him alone. but you were an exception. you still were patient with him and you still were nice to him no matter what he said. even if he threatened you, even if he showed that he's more than capable of attacking you and he's totally okay with it, you still believed that he wasn't a bad person. eventually he just gave up and let you do whatever you wanted. as long as you're not dangerous for mikoto, you're okay.. probably.

♪ his trust issues are still bad and he analyzes your every move, but also for some reason your presence feels safer than the other prisoners'. you actually greet him every time you see him, you actually talk to him and you just.. see him as a person? he even tried to ask you about it simply out of curiosity and you gave him a confused look and replied with:

"well, it's true, that you can be a little.. you know, scary, but hey, you're not a monster or anything. just a person who needs a little bit more care and love and that's all, haha."

.. god, you're weird. how can you just say things like that without a second thought?.. you actually remind him of mikoto a lot.

♪ actually, he's not sure if you still see him as mikoto or someone completely different. how much do you know about him and mikoto? how close were you to mikoto? did mikoto like you?.. well, john doesn't find you suspicious and he actually feels sort of calm when you're around, so that's probably a good sign. and it's also a sign to make sure nothing bad ever happens to you. if mikoto really did like you, he would be devastated if you got hurt. and, um.. john probably wouldn't like it either. he actually feels like you're too nice for this place. sure, he knows you're a murderer as well, but he doesn't really have a right to judge you. so don't be surprised if you start to notice or feel john's presence more often or see john getting visibly annoyed if anyone looks at you in a "wrong" way or says something even slightly mean about you, even as a joke.

♪ yes, he's fine with attacking someone if he gets a feeling that they may do something bad to you. even if that person just doesn't like you that much or they have done something that made you sad, even if it was an accident, it's enough for john to see them as a threat. just don't worry too much about it, okay? it's not like it's your fault or anything. and it's not that hard for john to do it. he's.. uh, used to protecting the people he cares about, so it's fine. and you don't have to worry about him "losing" or anything. he won't calm down until that person gets what they deserve. also, if the guard has anything against you, he won't hesitate to take care of them either. it's fine, you can trust him. just remember to thank him for saving you after he's done.

#💌 requested!#milgram #milgram x reader #haruka sakurai #haruka sakurai x reader #mikoto kayano #mikoto kayano x reader #john milgram #john kayano #john kayano x reader #(yes my heart still bleeds every time i use his canon name but. yeah. it's a canon name so)

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blankat · 1 year

Note

Hi! :D

I was wondering whether or not you could do

a sad/angst one with Larissa and reader from

your prompt list no. 1 and 11? Only of you're

comfortable with that!

Maybe smth along this:

They've been together already and when

Larissa dies, reader (possibly gn!reader?)

keeps seeing her due to either powers or

powers in connection with alcohol

consumption if that makes sense? Just some

sad and angst in general. Eventually them

being taken care of or found by someone if

you're up for comfort. Maybe not. You

decide :D

ldk how to describe it. I hope you get whatl

mean

Anyway, have a great day! <3

Oooookay, i gotta say, i LOVE this idea. also, i have never written a gn character, so i really hope i didn't mess up anywhere but i did not proofread it, so if i messed up, just tell me and i'll fix it.

11. You know I'm not real, don't you?

warnings: alcohol abuse, death, angst, hallucinations

pairing(s): Larissa Weems x gn!reader

words: 1.7k

You were sitting on the balcony, drinking once again, a habit that your girlfriend isn’t really fond of, always telling you to stop drinking so heavily, unless you want to die way sooner than her. Honestly, you didn’t really care because you didn’t see her as often as you’d like, only now and then, you would exchange a few words, she would tell you that she loves you and misses you to which you’d storm into the comfort of your once shared bedroom, under the thick layers of soft blankets, sobbing until dawn.

But today, you felt slightly better than other days, the weather was nice, the students weren’t as problematic as they are on any other day. You were feeling okay-ish.

You’ve been sitting out there for a while, when the faint clicking of heels disturbed your thoughts. You smiled to yourself before turning around, knowing that your girlfriend is finally coming back, just in time, because you were terribly missing her, already on your 3rd bottle of whisky.

“Darling? What are you doing out here? It’s cold, come back inside.” Larissa stepped out to the balcony, her hands landing on your shoulder, glancing at the empty bottles on the floor she sighed, then took the one in your hands from you. “I’ll take this now. Come, sober up a bit.”

You walked back to the living room and sat down on the couch, looking at the now lit fireplace, zoning out a bit but still hearing Larissa swearing to herself while throwing you alcohol out to the trash. You felt a little guilty, you should’ve been a better girlfriend to her, maybe you can still fix it.

Larissa came back to the living room with a bottle of water, and sat down next to you, caressing your face with her soft hands. You closed your eyes at the feeling, and sighed happily, leaning into her touch.

“Why didn’t you light the fire? How long have you been out there?” she asked, looking at you with a worried expression, her brows furrowed.

“Larissa, it’s not cold-” you slurred, looking at her.

“Not cold? Y/N it’s the middle of winter. I can’t believe you. I bet you’ve been sitting there since morning.” she scolded you and you raised an eyebrow on that.

“Hmm, I sat out not too long ago, just after 9. Anyways, what are you doing here in the middle of the day? I thought you’re busy running your wonder school.” you smiled at her but she didn’t return it.

“Y/N, it’s 11 in the evening. And I am not running the school anymore, but you know that. You were there.” she whispered, not once looking near or touching you.

“My bad, I forgot.” you tried grabbing her hand but she pulled away, standing up.

“Are you okay? You should sleep, we can talk tomorrow.” Larissa said, giving you a half smile, walking away.

“Lay with me?” you asked just as she was about to leave the apartment, to go God knows where.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.” she whispered.

“Come on! No funny business, I promise.” you said, earning a chuckle from her that made your heart melt. It felt so long ago that you heard her laugh.

Eventually, she agreed and laid down on the bed next to you, careful not to touch you. You both turned at the same time, facing each other, smiling.

“I wish it’d happened differently.” she whispered, tears escaping her eyes.

“I miss you so much.” you swallowed a sob, trying to touch her but she shook her head gently.

“I know, Y/N, I know.”

The next morning you woke to an empty bed, as usual in the past months. No note from her, even her perfume wasn’t lingering in the air like it used to. You rubbed your eyes, feeling the damp skin on your cheek.

“Fucking hell” you cursed, waking up. You made your way to the kitchen to have a drink when you remembered she threw them out last night. You sighed, opening the fridge instead, picking up an apple, your eyes catching the food container with Larissa’s lunch in it from months ago. It broke your heart that she wasn’t even willing to take the food you made for her. It was looking rather disgusting so you decided to throw it out, but when the container landed in the empty trash can, you raised your eyebrows. Opening the food cabinet, you gasped at the sight of your liquors untouched.

“What the fuck?” you whispered to myself, grabbing one and opening it.

Two hours later you were drunk again, sitting on the living room floor, staring at your phone. Earlier this morning, you texted Larissa, asking if she would come over today, but she hasn’t answered your texts. They haven’t even been delivered, just sent. You loved her more than anything, you should’ve just asked her when your relationship was still stable, maybe then all this wouldn’t have happened. You couldn’t help but overthink, which resulted in you sobbing on your floor, until you fell asleep.

When you awoke, you catched a glimpse of blond hair outside on the balcony and smiled. She came back. You hurried outside and looked at her, trying to find the right words but none came. She looked so peaceful, almost glowing, however the lack of her perfume invading your nostrils made you frown. Why did she stop wearing perfume? Perhaps her new lover didn’t like it. When she finally looked at you, you gulped opening your mouth.

“Larissa. I- I really need to tell you something.” you said, your voice betraying you, breaking quickly.

“Yes, darling?” she smiled standing up.

“Okay, um- I love you. But you know that. I am sorry, it’s my fault. All of it. I should’ve been there for you, but I wasn’t. And I can’t ever forgive myself for that.” you said, crying. Larissa just smiled, finally touching you, wiping your tears so gently, you didn’t even feel her hands.

“My love, it was not your fault. You couldn’t have prevented it from happening, and you shouldn’t be mad at yourself.” she smiled, her voice so quiet, it would’ve got lost with the most tender breeze.

“I want to fix it. Can I fix it?” with trembling hands, you reached towards Larissa. “Marry me, Larissa. I- I don’t have a ring. I wanted to ask you months ago but I didn’t have the courage. And when you first left, I was so mad, I threw the ring down the balcony. But I want to marry you, please.”

“Love,” she cupped your cheeks, still smiling down at you. “You don’t need to propose to me to prove how much you love me. I know it. And I love you too, Y/N.”

You sobbed. Like you’ve never done before. Not even under the covers in your bedroom.

“Can I hug you?” you asked and when you didn’t receive any answer from Larissa, just another smile, you hesitantly wrapped your arms around her. And when she reciprocated the hug, you desperately wanted to inhale her familiar scent but it was absent. And her movements were so tender that everytime you closed your eyes, it felt like she wasn’t even there. You tried to push your anxious thoughts away. “Don’t stop loving me. Please.”

“I won’t.” Larissa sighed happily. “Y/N?”

“Hmmm?” you muttered happily, eyes still closed. She loved you.

“You know I’m not real, don’t you?”

Falling. You felt like falling from the tallest building ever, knowing the tragic end is inevitable, crushing your bones, ripping you open, tearing your heart. Opening your eyes, your breath quickened at the realization that Larissa was in fact not there. But she was real. She has to be.

Tears streaming down your face, you maniacally rummaged through your apartment, looking for your love, breaking and tearing apart furniture and anything in your way.

“Larissa?” you asked, hoping she’d answer from the bedroom, waiting for you. But nothing came and when you found your bedroom empty, a scream escaped your throat, probably waking up half of your floor in the school. “LARISSA!”

Your screaming and yelling, chanting your lover’s name was disturbed by frantic steps and a hand around your shoulders, lifting you up from the floor.

“Mx. Y/L/N!” a familiar female voice called, looking up you saw your new colleague, Mrs. Evans trying to help you out of your misery. “Y/N!”

“I need to find Larissa, let me go.” you tried to free yourself from Evans’ grasp, failing. She held your face, looking into your eyes, whispering comforting words to calm you down at least a little.

“Y/N. Tell me what happened.” you sobbed, trying to gather your thoughts, realization hitting you.

“She’s dead, isn’t she?” you asked, voice hoarse but still calm.

“Yes, darling.” Mrs. Evans smiled sadly at you. “Maybe you should move out of campus. The memories are haunting you, making you suffer.”

“Please, don’t throw me out, this dorm is all I have of her. I look at any corner and all I see is her.” you cried. “I’ll stop drinking and I’ll find a doctor, go back to work, and teach the kids. Please, just don’t throw me out.”

“I would never throw you out, dear.” She kissed your forehead, looking at you with a worried expression.

“Principal Evans?” Enid appeared at your door, holding a little velvet box, handing it slowly to the older woman. “I found this ring just outside around this balcony.”

“Thank you, Miss Sinclair.” she smiled kindly at the girl, taking the box. You gasped, looking at it, tears welling in your eyes once again. Mrs. Evans noticed, giving you a warm smile along with the box. “I think this belongs to you, Y/N.”

“Thank you.” you said in a tiny voice.

“Will you be okay for the night?” she asked and you returned her smile, nodding. “Very well, I will be returning in the morning to talk, okay? Good night, Y/N.”

Closing the door behind Principal Evans, you walked into your bedroom, sitting down on your bed, putting the ring down on your nightstand. Your eyes caught a framed picture of you and Larissa, smiling widely, her hair down freely which rarely happened in her life. You smiled, picking up the picture, caressing Larissa on it with your fingers.

“I miss you, Pumpkin. I promise we’re gonna meet soon.”

#larissa weems x oc #larissa x oc #larissa x reader #larissa weems x reader #larissa weems #wednesday #gwendolineuniverse #gwendoline christie #gwendoline christie x reader

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m4xedout · 2 years

Text

One Fin Wonder

Welcome to one fin wonder! This is the first chapter of this series!

content warning!: swearing? Mentions of blood, homeless child, reader is 14-15!

Okay..here we go!

Well then!- you didn't order a wake up call...literally..

"..y/n?" Oh its Sam! Wonder if we'll hang out today-

"I'm moving."

What?

Oh shit.

Holy shit no no no.

Sam was the only friend you could go to- THE ONLY PERSON YOU KNEW IF THIS BLOODY TOWN.

Whew..okay.,calm down..maybe it's a joke...Sam jokes alot so it has to be!

"Ahah..haha..hah.. g-good one Sam " you laughed, trying to make it seem like you weren't about to cry.

"What?..what do you mean 'good one's? nothing about this is good y/n!" "Okay! I'm sorry..I thought you were joking.."

Well shit.

"Okay..well?" "I- I'm sorry I have to pack." -beep!-

...

Well this isn't how you thought your summer would start.

Okay well! Time to go search for a job!!..again

You started walking towards the old lady who had always had you help with her cats, you were glad to help, but today was payday! Of 20 dollars but- you could get some food with that!

"Hello Candice! How are the kitties?" The old lady turned around to see you and smiled "oh hello lovey! Goodness you're getting tall heheh, we-well here's your 20 dollars dearie" she handed it to you and before you walked away "buy yourself something to eat sugar!"

"I will think you miss Candi-" and then you bumped into someone

"Shit sorry! My bad" you help the old man up and grab his weird looking cane..

"No no child forgive me, I was just looking at the kittens, you must be working here is that it?" He spoke with a harsh voice, refering to the old lady's shop.

"Oh no! Im just a helper, that's all"

"Helper?..yes..you will do good child"..ew.

"Yeah..aheh.. I gotta go sorry about the bump sir!" You speed walked away and could feel his eyes staring at you from afar.

You end up at some fish shop and see a help wanted poster in the window

"Nice!" You whisper to yourself as you walk in

"Hello there!" Said a woman from behind the counter on the right "be right with you"

You stand there and see all the little fishies swimming about

"Okay love what can i help you with?" "Oh I'm here for the help wanted?"

Her eyes lit up, must be hard working in a fish shop alone

"Oh yes! Thank you! We'll get right to it!" "I-- wait- I don't have to sign anything?"

"Well it's not that hard to take care of fish love, just feed em and watch them swim about their sad little lives!" Heh funny

After she showed you around, she said she was gonna close up shop for the day before-

"Hey uh excuse me?" Oh? First customer!

"Yeah uh do you have a goldfish with one fin?"..one fin? Any other gold fish and he wants one with one fin?...okay

"Uh sir? We have plenty more gold fish with two fins-" "no I need one with one fin!"..

"Sir, please calm down or we'll have to ask you to leave" "okay yeah uh...just give me a goldfish..and hurry, please."

You went to get the gold fish and hand it to the man "here you are sir, a gold fish with two fins! Take care!" He payed you

"Shit let's hope so." and just like that he was gone.

"Weirdo" said the woman

"Maybe he needs it for..something? Art?" You said

"Yeah..anyways darling here's your pay" she hands you a check for 50 dollars

"I- OH MY GOD!" You damn near yelled

She looks at you with confusion as you let out a nervous laugh

"Sorry..I just didn't expect this much holy cow!" "You've done well for you first day on the job!" She pats you on the shoulder

"Now let's go before some other weirdo comes for a blue puffer fish!"

Later that evening you had went to look for a place to settle, when you couldn't find you decind to cross the towns, you went into an alley way and hurried because you didn't want to die in there.

Qnd you came out safely until some random woman wondered up to you qnd asked for you hands, you thought she was gonna rob you so you politely declined, you started to walk way

When you felt her hands grab you and pull you into the alley way.. fucker.

She shoves you against the wall and roughly grabbed your hands

Suddenly, a man in a white suit and cape, came down from the ceiling, and tossed the woman across the alley way, his fists were bloody, and dripping

You sat there, terrified, holy shit, this was how you were gonna die, oh my god.

The man spoke "hey kid you okay?" He sounded familiar?

"Uh..yeah.. just winded I think I'll be okay" "okay, you got a place to stay? Anywhere to go?"..."no"...

"Okay then come with me". He grabbed you hand as gently as he could as he had the feeling they'd be sore tomorrow

He led you in front of a flat, you walked to the front and turned around "hey man thanks-"..he was gone.

After you went in to apply, you promised you'd have more money to pay off the rent

It was a big flat honestly

Just a bed which was fixed pretty good, and a fridge with a couple of food left, you threw out the expired stuff, and layer down

You began to charge your phone and set an alarm.

"7:00"

Okay.

This was your life now.

This is your home.

Can't believe this all happend in one day.

but.

What were you gonna do about it?

You worked at a fish shop

••••••••••

Holy shit, omg YAY :D

just a big thanks to @80pairsofcrocs for the name, and the courage, they're honestly the best person I've met on this app, and I gotta say, I really do love you guys, it may not seem like much here but thank you, seriously <3

#moonknight x reader #moonknight x teen!reader #marc spector x teen!reader #jake lockley x teen!reader #steven grant x teen!reader

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beedreamscape · 3 months

Text

Zerxus gets caught in morbid conversations.

~ 2.1k words. This takes place pre loquaerryn marriage (yes, they're my measure of time, sue me).

CW for conversation of death and grief.

Zerxus awakes as he feels a stir on the bed. Zerxus calls it instinct, Evandrin calls it a bad habit.

There's an orange glow permeating the darkness and soft grunts from muscles stretching in the air.

He turns to see Evandrin's sitting on the side of the bed with his back to him, still in his sleeping shirt and underwear. Beside where the lampshade sits, on the clock, Zerxus can see it's still a quarter to four.

Zerxus lifts his head from the pillow. "Is there scouting duty today?"

Evandrin turns, face and hair still tousled from sleep. "Morning, darling, go back to sleep, sorry for waking you."

"I would still say good night." Zerxus pulls on the hem of his shirt lazily. "I thought scouting wasn't for another three weeks."

"And you're right, this is something else." Evandrin gets up against his husband's pull and starts putting his trousers on. "One of my soldiers just died, young Hector, and he has no family here in Avalir so I need to sign his death certificate."

"Isn't a cleric that does that?"

He rubs his eye. "Sorry. It's not the certificate, it's a lease for the Conversion."

Zexus sits up. "What conversion?"

Some realization comes Evandrin's eyes before softening. "Oh, I never told you, did I? I don't think you had the chance to see it either... It's how we get rid of bodies in Avalir. Haven't you noticed we have no cemeteries here?"

"Not really. You don't just bury people?"

Evandrin doesn't bother taking his sleeping shirt off, shoving the hem into his pants before taking a dress coat from the rack.

"No, there wouldn't be enough land to bury every dead. And if you consider the funeral rites of the elves who care to perform them, there wouldn't be a need for them anyway. Not to mention they live way too long."

"And what is this conversion?"

"They convert whatever's left of ether inside your body into usable energy. Also from the combustion of it. That's where the name comes from. It feeds the city like a corpse would feed the earth... except way faster and cleaner."

"Sounds very... functional."

"I know." He sits on the bed again and holds Zerxus' hand. "But you can always let someone know if you want it to have it done to your body or not, poor Hector didn't have time or who to tell that so he goes straight into conversion."

With his free hand, Zerxus brushes Evandrin's long hair into better shape. "You can let Tempus eat me before when the time comes."

"Thanks, dear. What if he doesn't find you tasty enough?"

"Tell him to pick me up and drop me in the ocean." He makes the gestures with his hand. "From really high so everyone can see the impact and the sea creatures may eat what's left."

"I'll have it arranged when the time comes. It's more creative than my wish for a pyre on the ocean. It's kinda how my mother chose to go, burnt in a pyre with dragon fire."

"You had a dragon at her funeral?"

He nods. "It was actually a wyvern and it was a trained but it served its purpose. Dad was placed in a burial cave since he had a bit of dwarvish blood, it was what my grandma wanted."

He brings Evandrin's hand to his lips for a kiss. "Thanks for sharing. I wish I could go with you."

"You wouldn't see anything interesting if you did. It all happens in closed chambers bellow city level."

"I don't want to see anything I just didn't want you to go by yourself."

"Don't worry, I've been through my people dying on me before, it's just sad he went so young." He opens a smile and ruffles Zerxus' hair. "Get back to sleep, my lil' paladin."

"I think I'll go check on our tiny little fighter."

"You go do that, just don't scare him this time."

He starts getting up from the bed. "I said it wasn't on purpose."

"I know, but you gotta understand that a six-foot-tall man standing ominously in the dark is terrifying for a little boy."

"I'll turn on the lamp this time."

"Good." He gives Zerxus a little peck. "I won't be long."

"Please don't let them turn you into city juice as well."

He can hear Evandrin's laugh in the corridor. "I won't make any promises."

"Since when has Avalir done this Conversion thing? For the dead?"

He wasn't really interested in getting into this subject, much less with her, he assumes neither is she, but he rarely got the chance to sit down with Laerryn, let alone just the two of them, so he wouldn't get another chance to satiate his curiosity and it's been days since it started plaguing his mind.

A new Marquesian-themed restaurant had opened and they were the only two in their friend group who curiously shared a true appreciation for its foreign cuisine.

She doesn't refrain from shoving a forkful of sillgoat loin chop into her mouth before speaking. "Oh... I guess since the beginning, I'm not sure if we were the ones to come up with it or some other flying city."

"Can't you just disintegrate the body? One spell and poof, it's gone."

"We could but what a waste of precious ether that'd be. You see a single corpse doesn't hold much ether, but when you amount to several deaths a year then it means something. It's not even one and a half percent of the total energy stored in the city but when every drop counts, it's something."

He looks down at his plate, empty with stains of dark red sauce on the perimeter. He always finishes eating first no matter who he's eating with, a mixture of anxiety and hunger only a man his size has. He catches himself staring at her glass of white wine.

"Feels very utilitarian."

"You just haven't been in Avalir long enough. We are a flying city, every handful of resources counts, there are people," she points at herself, "that work to manage that. On top of managing who manages it."

"I know, but it's people we're talking about. Their bodies."

"What do you think I'm talking about? They're just bodies, I've seen them rot before. People are here, living, doing shit. The only person buried in Avalir is our most special boy, Imyr, in his very special mausoleum, which I consider such a waste. Don't tell Patia I said that."

"Why a waste?"

"The older wizards, I'm talking elves, gnomes, dwarves, the big boys, store immense amounts of ether within them. Sorcerers? You could turn the lucky bastards into massive bombs with the right calculations."

"Suddenly I'm more inclined towards it."

She gives him a playful kick under the table.

"But that's necromancers and transmutators playground, minutia and too many physiological factors to take in. I prefer working with big numbers and machines. Despite that, it's a respectable representation of wizards and artificers working together."

"Is that how you want to be taken care of?"

"I think so. However, I would like to be stored into something like a necklace or a sword until someday the yielder has to use me to kill some legendary enemy before floating back into the leylines. But honestly, I'll take what I can get, I'll be dead anyway."

He stares at her chew in amusement, still puzzled at how the woman before him and his husband are the best of friends. "Avalirians have strange death rituals."

"You need to meet the Aeorians then, heard rumors of them preserving the bodies for a really long time."

"For what?"

"How am I supposed to know? Probably something nefarious. As I said, rumours, I'm sure you'll get more from Loquatius or Patia than me."

"I think I've had enough of the subject for now."

She cleans her mouth with a napkin. "I don't personally like talking about death either. Maybe it's an elf thing... but I've had to learn to deal with it since I've befriended so many humans and... other short-living folks."

He never got truly offended by 'human' but something in the way she says it never sat comfortably inside his skull, yet he lets it slip with her. "Who else?"

She thinks for a moment and he can't interpret what passes behind her eyes. "Everyone except Patia."

"Even Van?"

She nods, takes a sip of her wine. "Half-elves don't live a quarter of full elves, some can but most don't. When I think of loss, it's the only time I grow any respect for necromancers, I too have a hard time letting things go."

"I used to think I was very detached from everything, until I got a family. Maybe it'll happen to you as well," he says with a hint of humor.

"I have a family, believe it or not."

"But they're in Cathmoíra. Always seven years away from you."

"Yes... But I do have a version of it here in Avalir, a very busy one that lives in different houses."

He smiles. "We'd kill each otherwise."

She laughs loudly, it always gives him a pang of accomplishment wherever he manages to get it out of her.

"For sure we would. Though I would cut you some slack because of the lil ginger."

"Loquatius would be the first to go."

She takes the last sip with a smile. "Probably, yes."

"First Knight."

The voice is whispery, tiny and soft and as Zerxus turns to its source so is the half-elf woman who owns it. With the cold weather, she's covered by a hooded cape. On her chest, the clasp that closes the cape is a familiar mask.

He had been walking through the city checking for any suspicious behavior and has done it for at least a week since their temporary bridge with Zemnia.

"Hello, miss, how can I help you?"

She keeps her stare fixed on his feet. "Thanks, but I require no assistance. I'm Ivorah Orlan from the Conversion Nucleus."

"Are you a cleric?"

She looks surprised by the question but notices his eyes glancing at her chest. "Yes, cleric of the Matron of Ravens."

He just nods.

"I'm sorry for being forward but there's something I'd like to ask. It's about your late husband."

Zerxus feels a bubbling sickness in his throat, he also feels starved - very few even mention his existence. "Proceed."

"As I said I'm the responsible cleric for the Conversion Nucleus and I was a friend of the First Knight Evandrin. In conversations we had, he had mentioned that when his death came he'd like me to be his sepulchral ritualist, but I never got the chance."

"He didn't want to be Converted."

"I'm aware. He wanted to be burned in a pyre and sent into the Lucidian. But we had that discussion and I never... his body was already dealt with before I had the chance and I feel like I broke a promise," she finishes with a quavering voice.

The memory of the time comes blurry to him, everything around it comes as a big horrifying blur. Loquatius and Patia had dealt with most of the funeral rites, he dealt with Elias, and Nydas dealt with him. Part of the ring had been broken and through fire and violence forced back into shape.

He turns the sickness into a solid mass, a boulder that keeps him from breaking every other hour.

"And you're not the only one." He steels himself. "The nature of his disease, we... we had to let go of many luxuries of honour."

"It still puzzles me what took such a young and strong man..."

"Puzzles me as well."

"Wish I had a chance to..." She closes her eyes, breathes deeply. "At least he was given an honourable funeral march."

"It was the Septarion's making."

She nods with her head down. "I'm sorry bothering you, First Knight."

He places a hand on her shoulder. "Thank you. For caring. Perhaps your Matron has him in her company and I envy her for it."

She lifts her eyes at once, then he sees them for what they are - terrible dark circles, perfect eclipses. "I've sought her insight about it... she doesn't have him in her sights."

"What does that mean?"

Her intensity deflates. "I don't know. I like to believe he went to an even higher place of honour for a soul as pure and valiant as his."

He tries smiling but feels tears sting in his eyes, the boulder starting to melt like a stray iceberg. "So do I."

#I never think I'll write about Zerxus but then I catch myself doing it willingly #the topic came to me first while I was in church and I planned to first write it with Laerryn #but then she wouldn't have a plausible reason to think about this or be where I needed her to be #anyway so Zerxus was the logical character to have here talking about death #I wanted to describe the actual place but I had no space here. might try adding in the longfic #evandrin alterra #zerxus ilerez #laerryn coramar seelie #zerxus x evandrin #exu calamity #critical role #flash fic #writing

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squeakintothevoid · 2 months

Text

Bohemian Rhapsody hits different after you go through an existential identity crisis.

I wanna explain what I think of when I listen to this song. (TW: religious trauma, cptsd, and an overabundance of gifs)

"If you can see it there, darling, then it's there."

-Freddie Mercury

This song is an epic hero's journey of a song that deserves to be overrated. 11/10. Freddie is an artistic genius.

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide No escape from reality

So when you grow up in a traumatic situation (I was abused and neglected by mormon parents) you live in a detached way and learn to never trust yourself. You inevitably get some doubts in the back of your mind about how great and perfect the situation you're raised in actually is, but you don't dare confront these thoughts because that would risk crumbling your sense of security.

But real life comes through and crumbles your foundation anyway like a landslide. You get doubts upon doubts. Oh crap, reality is scary! Santa isn't real! Mormonism sounds a lot like a cult! And I think everyone can relate to realizing that their parents and adults in general are just grown-up kids.

Open your eyes Look up to the skies and see I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy Because I'm easy come, easy go Little high, little low Any way the wind blows Doesn't really matter to me, to me

So you've realized that your security is not a guarantee in life. Now all you can really do is appeal to whatever holds power over you, be it god, your parents, the skies.

"Don't worry guys, I'm no trouble. I'll be good. My feelings don't matter. I'm good with anything you want."

You end up convinced that the people pleasing mask is who you really are. And in this state of being detached from your actual self, you become less capable of feeling much, high or low.

Mama, just killed a man Put a gun against his head Pulled my trigger, now he's dead Mama, life had just begun But now I've gone and thrown it all away Mama, ooh Didn't mean to make you cry If I'm not back again this time tomorrow Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters

But at some point your soul just can't take it anymore, it's been pushed to it's limit. The mask slips, the shelf breaks, the walls come down. You start to realize that what you think might actually be important. You begin to accept the truth. And when you realize you can no longer be this version of you they want you to be, well, it feels like you've died.

Because your whole identity was built on something that wasn't real. Your world's been turned upside down and now you're terrified of disappointing all those people who you've been so desperately trying to please this whole time. Despite everything, a part of you may even care for them and hope their worldview doesn't get shattered for their own sake. Let them carry on with their ways.

Too late, my time has come Sends shivers down my spine Body's aching all the time Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth Mama, ooh (Any way the wind blows) I don't wanna die I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all

Freddie writes like he's walking to his own execution. I felt a similar way when I was taking my last flight out of BYU as a fresh nonbeliever to see my mormon family. My anxiety must've thought I was escaping North Korea or something. Because I really didn't know if I was about to lose everything or not. And that last line was way too relatable, which scared me. I actually avoided this song for years because of it.

I also got physically sick several times that last year at BYU from living the double life. Definitely ached all the time, and still do. The body really does keep the score.

I still remember how I felt when I finally faced the truth by reading the CES letter, subconsciously hoping it would shatter my testimony of the LDS church. It felt like walking straight into hell. Which brings us to...

I see a little silhouetto of a man Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango? Thunderbolt and lightning very, very frightening me (Galileo) Galileo (Galileo) Galileo Galileo Figaro Magnifico-o-o-o-o

...my SPOOKY MORMON HELL DREAM!

Time to feel guilt like no other! Because part of you still isn't entirely convinced you aren't going to hell! Or at least end up homeless from being kicked out and disowned.

So I see this part of the song as demons taunting you. The demons being your own self-hatred and the subliminal or even direct messaging you got from your authority figures. If I were to transcribe what I hear in these lyrics...

Hey look, a shell of a person!

Keep dancing for me, little bitch! (Scaramouche)

I am so scared of getting punished and hurt!

Ha, loser! You little heretic! (Galileo) You think you're so clever (Figaro) and important (Magnifico)!

So the Galileo, Figaro, Magnifico part is name-calling. Which you fall for because you're sense of self only just sprouted out of the sidewalk that is your mind.

I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me

Still not used to being confident, you attempt to defend yourself, but you're kinda just wallowing in self-pity.

"I swear I don't think I'm better than anyone! I just want to do my own thing! I don't hate the mormon church, I just disagree with it! And you're definitely not the reason I'm in therapy, mom & dad, but I totally understand why you asked! (Aw man, I can't trust my parents at all! I'm hopeless!)"

Wow, real confident.

He's just a poor boy from a poor family Spare him his life from this monstrosity

But the deeper, more real, compassionate, and self-confident part of you knows the truth. It says, okay sure, you are a poor kid. But does any other poor kid deserve to be treated like this? No! Stand up for that kid!

You have to treat this self-assured part of yourself almost as a different sort of being because you don't trust yourself so much. It's not you asserting yourself because that would be selfish of course! So instead, it's god or a little voice or a call that is directing you to be confident. Or it's you being confident but for the sake of a little kid in your exact situation.

Easy come, easy go, will you let me go? Bismillah! No, we will not let you go (Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go (Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go (Let me go!) Will not let you go (Let me go!) Never let you go (Never, never, never, never let me go) Oh oh oh oh No, no, no, no, no, no, no

Because you're not self-assured yet, the self-doubting & self-loathing parts of you war against the self-confident parts that know what's right for you. So you feel like you're doing mental gymnastics. What's wrong and right anymore? Is it really okay to drink coffee? Is it okay to throw out spoiled milk? Do I deserve a raincoat? Might my parents actually be...bad at parenting?

Notice that the high-pitched angel-like voices that were standing up for him transform into his own voice. "Let him go" becomes "let ME go." It's like those parts are integrating into a whole and you're realizing you genuinely think you deserve better.

Oh, mamma mia, mamma mia (Mamma mia, let me go) Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me

You want your parents (mamma mia!) or whoever is holding power over you to just change and accept you so you don't have to stand up to them. But that ain't necessarily happening. You cannot control them. You can't control anything but you. Not having control is scary! You can lose everything!

But with everything lost, you're the only thing left. Just you. But you can still think for yourself, control yourself. For the first time in this search of who you're supposed to be, you realize that you were there all along. And that feels powerful. You might even wanna stand up for yourself.

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye? So you think you can love me and leave me to die? Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here

Cue permission to be ANGRY. You aren't being fooled anymore, you see what they've done to you. And now that you actually see yourself as valuable, you're not gonna take that shit anymore. "Yes dad, I am an exmormon. Yes, that does convey a sense of animosity. I did buy new shoes for myself so that I don't hurt my feet. And I like drinking tea and watching R-rated movies." I'm such a rebel.

Ooh, ooh yeah, ooh yeah Nothing really matters Anyone can see Nothing really matters Nothing really matters to me Any way the wind blows

Before, nothing mattered to you because you were only shown how to be a doormat. Now, nothing matters to you because you're only doing what you want now, nobody else's opinions really matter. I know what's important now, so life can come at me bro. I'm not what other people think of me, my talents, my failures, my achievements, nada. I'm just me and I'm gonna do whatever and quit worrying about being worthy all the time. You do you. Leave me to me. Any way the wind blows.

Of course, trauma means you fall back into the same patterns a lot and keep having to remember your worth, so life's not all wrapped up with a bow now. But, once you realize your opinions and feelings matter, it's hard to put the toothpaste back in the tube. There is nothing that can convince me to run back to the Mormons. But I do keep finding time and time again more ways in which I still don't fully trust myself. It's hard feeling like I'm going in circles finding shortcomings I didn't even know were there, but I feel like I'm spiraling up now.

So that's my exmormon/cptsd-fueled interpretation of Bohemian Rhapsody. It really is such a great song with so many interpretations. Some songs you remember the first time hearing it and even fewer songs get even better as you go back to it, you know? Anyway, thanks for reading and tolerating the gifs!

#bohemian rhapsody #song interpretation #exmormon #identity #nihilism #existential crisis #exmo #queen band #freddie mercury #song lyrics #cptsd #self discovery

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sunmoonjune · 1 year

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you requested song recs so song recs you will receive !! (i was typing this out yesterday and fell asleep midway idk wtf i was on but anyways 😭)

first of all i’d have to say sweet by cigarettes after sex (other than the suggestive lyrics) esp “but it’s the way you smile that does it for me” and “sweet knowing that i love you and running my fingers through your hair” - yeosang in chapter 10 when bug smiled for the first time and yeo was petting? stroking? her i’m :( brb gotta cry

and the “it’s so sweet knowing that you love me though we don’t need to say it to each other” REMINDS ME OF YUNHOOO I CANT 😭😭 AND!! “and i will gladly break my heart for you” that’s so SAN CODED

second song i’d have to say is here with me by d4vd “i don’t care how long it takes as long as i’m with you” THEM BEING SO PATIENT WITH BUG AND HER TRAUMAAAASJEHUWYEBKHHDI/£()*683;”)¥]{$\[…] “ save your tears it will be okay”?? i need a minute i can’t handle this

also idk if you like instrumentals (i personally obsess over instrumentals and think they are underrated!!) but i’d day bug and ateez give very snowfall by Oneheart and reidenshi it gives me very “i’m thinking about you everytime i’m not with you” and it makes me GFHUDNUSNDJSJE you know?

and this last one isn’t english it’s turkish but M. by Anıl Emre Daldal THE CALMING VIBES? IMMACULATE!! i listen to it at least 5 times a day it’s so soothing and the lyrics are so cute im :( “Your words, eyes, and hands only belong to me. My dreams, smiles, and daydreams only belong to you” AND ALSO “Please come back to me darling” yes that’s very ateez to bug imo very ateez to bug….

SO SO VERY EXCITED FOR THE NEW CHAPTER esp because it’s gonna be so long i can take a break from assignments and revision and just curl up and be in the feels SO EXCITED YAY!!

- 📚 (take care of yourself sleep well eat well!! mwah!)

omg 📚 anon come here I am going to kiss you <33

first of all,,, all of these song recs are IMMACULATE and they all swiftly got added to the bug playlist!! <3 I love you so much omfg

ok ok so I had two cigarettes after sex songs on one of my writing playlists already but they were sadder vibes so I was so excited to add this one!! and you're so right omfg this song is so ateez/bug coded (besides some of the suggestive stuff) the lines about smiling fit the yeobug moment from chapter ten :')) the way she smiles does do it for him omg I'll cry <33

'WE DON'T NEED TO SAY IT',, STOP THAT'S YUNBUG -- they never need words they love each other SO MUCH I'm sobbing

'I'll gladly break my heart for you' <33 choi san the man that you are <333 I need to give him a kiss directly on the forehead and tell him how much I love him I swear :'D

here with me fits them so good too :')) they're so patient and willing to wait as long as she needs omfg <3 also also the line "I can't describe, I wish I could live through every moment again" reminds me of bug too <33 she isn't always able to describe her emotions (like the butterflies in her stomach and such) but she loves the feeling regardless <33 ASJLASLJ I'm making myself blush here;;

I'M MAKING MYSELF EMOTIONAL OMFG D':

and I do like instrumentals!! I have quite a few of those on my playlists as well! most of them are soundtracks to movies that I emotionally attached myself too tho LMAO -- like there's a song from the death cure (maze runner series) that I liked when I was young and it still makes me cry :')) also for any of my satosugu/jjk fans,, 'this is pure love' still makes me sob to this day xD

snowfall is immaculate omfg I love the vibes!! it definitely does give 'I'm thinking about you when you're not here' and it makes me mushy inside <33 definitely makes me GGASFEJSJL for sure XD I love it

and I'm so fine with recs in other languages!! I'll listen to literally anything my music taste is all over the place xD -- ok but "I beg of you, come back, my darling" THAT'S SO WOOYOUNG AND ATEEZ IN THE LAST FEW CHAPTERS OMFG EMOTIONALLY DEVASTATED D":

thank you thank you for these recs my love, they will definitely give me extra motivation to write <33 you're the best kiss kiss <3

and I'm so happy you guys are excited!! I swear I get your messages in my inbox and I kick my feet a lil cause your excitement makes me excited ya know? :D

also also I'm glad the new chapter can be a lil relief from studying and revising for exams!! I know the end of the year is coming up for a lot of ppl (or maybe that's just where I'm from idk :o ) and I definitely know how stressful that is :(( but I'm so so happy that this can be a little dopamine for those who need it xD <3

I hope you have a wonderful day my love <33 drink some water and eat well when you can! and take breaks from studying too!! I know you'll do so well I'm so proud of you hehe <33

#moonie speaks #moonie's anons #moonie's favs <3 #moonie's 📚 anon #like the moon #bug's playlist <3

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godnectar · 1 year

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I gotta make sure my anon state is on XD

Other than that… have you ever felt like you’re the only person living and everyone and everything else is not real? As if they’re being played out. I feel that way sometimes. I guess that’s the true meaning of living in your own bubble/head

I can kiss the service crew life goodbye in March. I’m so excitedddddd. Though i’m not sure how to break the news to my supervisor. She had been a ray of sunshine and wanted me to stay long… but I for real can’t stay long. I am burning out more than Icarus melting by the sun.

Oh yeah, if this helps.. which probably won’t in figuring out who I am. I am a Libra😂 What’s yours?

🧁

you're now being more cautious with the anon option, huh? 😂

annddd idk- to me it's like everyone is living their lives as main characters and i'm the one half-dead so,, 💀

it's nice to hear things are going better for u, darling <3 i'm sure she will of course accept ur decision as long as u take care of yourself!

#nectar's rambling #anon message #♡ anon #🧁 anon #and nop 🙃#idk if it will help me much considering how many libras are here 😭#it seems like the world's against me in this 🧐#but i'm a mf gemini 💀#i don't know if that's good #or bad #or what-#gonna leave it to u

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vilithshaven · 3 years

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Hello! I freaking LOVE your yandere Venti and Kaeya finding sagau! Darling! Poor Darling didn’t even get to enter Mond and they got yoinked 😂 May I request the same scenario but with Zhongli and Xiao? Gotta give our Liyue boys some love. But no seriously everyone be going nuts over poor Darling like me on my non existent nintendo switch 😂 (🥲 Santa can you hear me?) Thank you and take care!

YANDERE FINDING GOD!DARLING FIRST // Ft. Zhongli & Xiao

TW: yandere behavior, kidnapping, drugging

Here you go! Our guilty pleasure for yanderes comes to shine once again. Hope you enjoy~

-Vin & Lilith

ZHONGLI

Zhongli knows you're here the moment you step into the Harbor, your divine presence calling out to him. You thought you'd have to explore the beautiful city by yourself, but before you could even decide where to go, the handsome funeral parlor consultant came rushing up to you.

He easily plays his haste off with a smile and a "You look lost. Let me help you". Zhongli introduces himself and takes your hand, placing a delicate kiss on your knuckles. His amber easy sparkle up at you, and you hesitantly smile back at him as you give him your name.

Despite your reservations towards the Geo Archon, knowing just what he did in the past and that he isn't in fact human, you walk alongside him while he shows you Liyue Harbor and it's various sights to visit. The stroll and talks about various topics put you at ease and at the end of the day, you agree to letting him take you to his home to stay the night before you travelled on.

You thought he lived inside the bustling city, but he leads you in the direction of the Dunyu Ruins. You don't question it, just accept the fact that he most likely enjoyed his peace out here.

His house is a small cottage barely out of sight from the main path leading back into the city. It's quaintly decorated and feels almost like home to you.

Zhongli offers you a cup of tea and you accept. Your nose wrinkles at the bitter smell, but the tea itself tasted great and calms your body. You sigh and lean back into the couch (when did you sit down?). Your sight blurs and soon you're asleep.

Unbeknownst to you, Zhongli had spiked your tea with a herb that would quickly put you to sleep and keep you under for a while. Enough time to move you again to his secret hideout and chain you to your room, which he had created a long time ago in preparation.

His arms slip under your body and easily pick you up, and he takes a deep breath of your smell. His pupils dilate and it takes all of his willpower not to indulge in his wants. There'd be enough time for that once you're safely in your room and submit to him fully.

His own, personal god.

XIAO

Xiao noticed your presence since you arrived at Wangshu Inn, you were a new being among the usual humans but he could vaguely remember feeling your presence before, many years ago.

The realization of who you are, promptly scared him. You are a divine being among Teyvat's mortals, above any of the current Archons.

He did not deem himself worthy to be near you, his karmic debt and past sins haunted him everyday, reminding him that he did not deserve to breathe the same air as you.

So for a long time, he avoided you completely. The adeptus would not let himself be within the same lands as you. Though he kept good tabs on you, making sure you were safe. The wind helping him hear your voice every now and then, blessing his ears.

Everytime Xiao heard you, he would have to calm down his racing heart. For once his heart thumped out of admiration instead of the pain he constantly endures.

But one day your voice screamed for him, his name fell out of your mouth in terror, making him quickly teleport over to your side despite his promise to himself.

The adeptus had caught you mid air and landed safely onto the ground, your form clung onto his for dear life before promptly passing out from shock.

Xiao didn't know what to do, you were in his arms. Something he never, ever, imagined would happen. He gripped onto your body tightly and brought you closer to his chest, breathing in your scent.

A calmness washed over him, his usual tense and rigid body now relaxing and melting into yours. He hated himself for no letting you go right away, degrading himself for staying there for the sole purpose to hold onto you.

Only then did he realize that he did not feel his karmic debt, the pain being taken away in your presence. This just made his grip on you even tighter, his nails digging into your skin as his nose buried even further into your hair.

With you around, he could properly heal..he would no longer need to rely on specially made pain killers. He would no longer suffer, if he had you.

Dark and selfish thoughts swarmed his head, taking over his guilt and shame. His eyes flickered with possessiveness as they trailed over your sleeping figure, it would be so easy to take you right now.

After all you called out his name, you already trusted him. Don't you owe him for saving your life? It's only fair.

#tw yandere #tw kidnapping #tw drugging #sagau #genshin impact #genshin impact sagau #self aware genshin #genshin sagau #zhongli x reader #xiao x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact cult au #yandere genshin impact #yandere zhongli #yandere xiao #genshin impact headcanons

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kidgillis · 2 years

Text

Darling, you gotta believe in yourself. Choose yourself. Show up, be aware, and present for yourself. Put in the time and dedication needed while doing the work. Take care of yourself. Heal. Make a mends. Forgive and forget. Make sure you're okay mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically while always doing your best. You deserve to live life and thrive. You are loved. You are cherished. You are intelligent. You are beautiful. You are unique. You are everything you're supposed to be. You don't have to hide it. And, yes...you have flaws. A few of them. But, those things often change overtime. You have all that you need to have all that you want. You don't have to ask for anything. You don't have to beg for nothing. You don't have to hide or minimize who you are. You are exactly who you're supposed to be. Live your life. Gather your tribe. Manifest your dreams. Build your kingdom. Do what you like and love. Try what you hate and learn what you don't know. Experience and explore this world and all that it has to offer you. There are blessings hidden within everyday with your name on it. Each day is a gift, every moment is a present. Be willing and open to criticism and learning. Be honest and truthful about yourself and others. Love yourself. Hug yourself. Date yourself. Let go and live. Don't be afraid of the unknown or confused about what is know. Don't fear anything at all. Go with the flow of what you've been called, positioned, and purposed to do. Embrace yourself. But, most of all...get rooted. Build yourself a solid foundation, safe haven, and home. For yourself and others by knowing who you are, what you stand for, & why. Never straying away from your truth. All of this your responsibility. This is how you discover your true identity. Take accountability over it. There is great power inside you. You deserve to be celebrated and known. Your DNA is one of a kind. You matter just as much as everyone else. There is no one else just like you. So, come on...tell and show the world who you are. Don't hold yourself back or limit yourself. We're all dying to know the real you. This is your time. Introduce yourself. "Hi, my name is..."

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memestockpile · 4 days

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american war from the 2017 omar el akkad novel. feel free to change as needed.

this isn't a story about war. it's about ruin.

i was happy then.

what did i tell you about wasting what's not yours to waste?

get your butt to breakfast.

didn't i tell you not to go opening my dresser?

don't you ever say that, you hear me?

you're a beautiful girl.

where's your good tie?

if you say it then they have to check one of the boxes on the form and take you into another room and ask you all kinds of questions.

it's like we aren't human, aren't animal even, like we're something else entirely.

you'll make friends your first day there.

we got some sandwiches left, coffee too.

i know it in my heart.

well, hello, darling, don't you look pretty today.

life's not worth living alone.

i'm old enough to know.

you got mud everywhere.

you don't know what you're talking about.

honey, it all happened so fast.

you got some balls talking that way.

go on to your room and pack as many clothes as you can get into your backpack.

waste of goddamn time.

got a full long day ahead of you.

there's nobody left here but me.

you gotta eat a little shit to get ahead.

i don't expect you to understand

nothing as sad as a lapsed catholic.

i don't know your story, and i don't care.

stay mean if you want to.

stop rolling around in the dirt.

screw you, [name].

you've got to stop talking like that.

try not to give anybody reason to make fun of you.

think we're gonna die here?

you never told me that before.

time buries time.

may as well show me whatever it is you got under there.

no matter what they tell you, some things are just wrong.

relax. have some fruit.

i'm telling you, it won't work.

you know we're not supposed to.

i'll give you fifty bucks.

stop being so scared of everything.

you think we don't have enough problems?

you're a good friend.

whatever it is you're looking for, i doubt you'll find it here.

don't worry, i won't tell on you.

come down from there.

i have a business proposition for you.

good girl.

i'll see you around, i guess.

make yourself at home.

that's what an empire is: an orchestrator of gravity, a sun around which all weaker things spin.

we forget, sometimes, that there are still beautiful things.

the only truly stable profession is blood work—the work of the surgeon, the soldier, the butcher.

i think it's only fair that i, in turn, share a secret with you.

maybe you're one of the special ones.

the first thing they try to take from you is your history.

i think you'll make a place for yourself in this world.

war is movement.

you haven't been home in four days.

how can you go and do the one thing you promised me you wouldn't do?

i want to introduce you to a close friend of mine.

it's a very beautiful part of the world.

there's nothing quite as tedious as old farts droning on about the days of their youth, is there?

we have a habit in this country of deciding the wisdom of our wars only after we're done fighting them.

do you know how to use a knife?

all it takes is resistance and stress.

this doesn't concern you.

you've been saying that for years.

you gotta hide. they'll come after you.

i have one more thing for you.

i can't lose everyone i love.

i want to kill them.

having a bad day?

you really are too old to have fun.

how did you sleep, honey?

i'm so glad you're home.

enough small talk. let's eat.

at least you made it out alive.

keep your voice down. you want everyone in the place to know?

you poker-faced bitch.

we ain't a church—we don't need their charity.

this is my last year in this place.

how you feeling, boss?

it's not victory, it's one man dead. they got plenty more still living.

so you're the one that caused all that mess.

darling, we're all a part of this.

there's a whole great world out there, little girl.

you should be asking me for help, not the other way around.

you're here because i like you.

i'm not afraid to die.

what do you want me to do, then? crawl in a hole and wait?

they think they can just tell you what to do and you gotta listen like you got no say, like you got no thoughts.

we're young, and we ain't bound by what they're bound by.

i just wanted to be something.

it's going to be alright. just stay with me. it's going to be alright.

we know exactly what you did.

all you have to do is be honest with me.

you believe any of that stuff about coming back as a toad or an ant or something if you were real bad in your last life?

you should be in bed.

we've got a room for you all ready. it's a nice room.

i want to sleep on the soil.

don't ever come in here again.

it does the soul good to see you.

take this. it'll make the pain stop.

you really are your father's son.

i'm sorry i looked at your things.

i don't know what it's going to take for you to see that.

if you want me gone, i'll go.

i forgot how to sleep in the dark.

i can't imagine what you went through.

i'll love you anyway. that's what family does.

you're the only one still living who never once wronged me.

i won't let nothing bad happen to you.

i don't owe anybody a single thing.

it's strange, isn't it, what sticks with you and what doesn't.

i want you to forgive me.

hey, you want to go on an adventure?

you keep squealing like that and i'll break your jaw.

[name] told me you were a sweet boy.

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tteokdoroki · 3 years

Note

🦊ok, so, I know previously I mentioned being roommates with a bunch of the guys and basically eventually you're just sleeping with all of them cause ya know, that'd be awesome at least imo. Anyway, I know we talked about how you end up in this situation already but, imagine for me if you will.

One day, one of the guys goes to get you cause they're going out to eat or ordering pizza or something. They forget to knock. When they open the door, they see you, laptop open, ring light on, camera going, with what could barely pass for skimpy PJs.

Turns out you're a cam girl but just never told anyone. So you're like 'give me a sec' to your stream and a course people are like, whose there? You never have had a guest. Are they joining.

And you go to you're roommate, (I picture Kirishima who has been apologizing for invading your privacy, yada yada and averting his eyes.

But you say "you either gotta leave or fuck me."

And he takes you up on that. And that slowly turned into you fucking your roommates for fun and work.

—“CAMGIRL + ROOMMATE!KIRISHIMA.”

author’s note(s): this sexy ask ive been waiting to answer for days so here i am let’s get it bby

warning(s): mdni, 18+. smut voyeurism, slight!corruption, switch!kirishima themes, female masturbation, fem!reader.

kirishima felt dumb for not noticing it before, the way you snuck up to your room during movie nights when you thought everyone had fallen asleep or the way your playlists suddenly sounded a little louder in the dead of night. the signs were there, he should have noticed. kaminari had always voiced to your roommates, the other boys, that you’d been up to some shady shit— there’s no way a girl like you could have so much cash despite the small hometown you’d left for college, and all of them seemed to agree...but the red head had defended you.

you were too sweet, too meek and shy to be wrapped up in some bad business, you were the girl who sent freshly baked cookies home to her parents every other weekend and the girl who spent hours tutoring shinsou on a class you didn’t even take. you were too sweet, too meek and shy to be wrapped up in some bad business, you were the girl who sent freshly baked cookies home to her parents every other weekend and the girl who spent hours tutoring shinsou on a class you didn’t even take.

you were too shy, too darling, too precious to do anything that the boys had suggested, no matter how much the thought made eijirou’s cock stir.

but he had been the one to catch you, how stupid he was to have burst into your room without knocking. you’d sat there on your bed, head thrown back into the millions of plushies and throw cushions that you’d owned as the the soft pink toy between your dough like thighs drew sinful patterns against your puffy clit, your free fingers dancing up and down your glistening slit and sinking right into your puckered hole. kirishima had caught you in the act, computer pinging with sounds of donations and all, while you had caught him staring at the way your digits sped up in your slick cunt from being caught.

you don’t dare stop, even as he stumbles over an apology, “y-yn, i’m so sorry—i,” his attempt is futile however, hushed by the sounds of your wetness, dripping and calling out for him.

“oh dear, everyone,” you coo, eyes sultry and never leaving eijirou’s, you pull your fingers from your heat to suck off your own juices in an act that makes the poor man grip the handle to your bedroom door like a vice. you’ve got him— hook, line and sinker and there wasn’t a thing he could do to change that. “looks like we have an unexpected guest, should i invite him in?” the chat on your stream goes wild as you sit up, chest bouncing and causing eijirou to lose his breath. your eyes give him a choice, either he leaves and never mentions this again or he joins you for the chance of a life time.

kirishima certainly wasn’t stupid enough to give up the chance to fuck his sweet little roommate.

they become a regular thing, once a week when everyone seems to have headed to bed, eijirou kirishima guest stars on your secret camshow; your audience loves him and he loves them too, living for the way they feed his ego and tell him how pretty his golden skin is when it’s all marked up and bitten by you or how they’d die for a chance to take a seat on his lengthy cock. but he adores the way you giggle, eyes hazy with tears and desire to while you read through thousands of comments, each and every one telling you how good you both look when you’re sinking down onto his girth, reaching back to squeeze on his balls.

“eiji,” you hum, pussy greedily clamping down on the poor boy while you take your seat in his lap— your freehand twists in red hair, forcing his head up from your tits sucked and bitten raw to look at the comments. “tell them how much you love it when i fuck you like this. you’re so lucky to have me, aren’t you? getting to slide into my tight cunt and cream inside me all you want...so many would kill to be you,”

your eyes burn with a dangerous fire, testing kirishima’s patience— he loves the chase of cat and mouse that you play with him. but he knows that he’s lucky, never did he ever think he’d get a chance to make you scream from pleasure until his name is the only one that you know. the red head gives a thrust of his hips, using his large hands to spread your ass cheeks apart and show the stream how wet you are for him.

“careful sweetheart,” kirishima murmurs, nails digging into the soft curvy flesh— his voice is barley audible underneath the sounds of pinging from the stream. money, enthusiastic comments, subscribers, all of your roommate tunes out to focus on you. he zones in on the tremble of your bottom lip, the gush of your juices between his weighty balls and the way you cling to him, begging him to move before he grinds his dick against your heated walls. “consider yourself the lucky one, look at me keeping your dirty little secret. fucking you good so you can make a little cash, how naughty.”

and there it is, your sweet innocent smile that lays prettily against red bitten lips as you force eijirou to lay flat on the bed. your hips jump up, slamming back down with a wet slap that makes you both grown in unison. “well then, consider us both lucky ei...” you set the pace, revelling in the way your roommates ruby eyes roll back into his head in unadulterated bliss. “make a little cash, put on a show with me, your dirty little secret.”

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idy-ll-ique · 3 years

Text

See You Tomorrow On The Other Side.

Pairing: Vampire!Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Smut

Warnings: unprotected sex

Requested: nope

based on this prompt.

Summary: Nothing wrong with just wanting a taste, is there?

Author's Note: Hiya peeps! enjoy!

---

Wait, why is it so cold?

Y/N blinked her eyes open, flinching when she felt blinding pain in the side of her neck. Touching it, she found out that she was bleeding. What in the world…? "What the fuck?" she mumbled, moving to turn on the night-light but instead, she heard loud gagging noises coming from next to her on the floor.

She froze. I live alone. And then her instincts kicked in. She started screaming, only for her mouth to be clamped shut by a cold, freezing hand. "Shut up! Don't scream!" a raspy voice hissed. "Who the fuck are you?" Y/N demanded, though her voice came out muffled. "Forget that— why the fuck does your blood taste so gross?" the man asked instead.

Y/N's eyes widened with fear. "My— you— who are you?!" she yelled. "Shush! It's the middle of the night!" the man groaned, "My name is Bucky Barnes, happy?" Y/N huffed, clutching the side of her neck. "And what the fuck do you mean by your blood tastes so gross?" she questioned. "Did I stutter? I mean exactly that. Why the fuck is it so disgusting?!"

Y/N froze for the second time that night. Her first thought was that it was a dream, but the very real pain in her neck and the blood on her fingers suggested otherwise. The man— Bucky— he bit her neck. And that had only one reasonable explanation. "Are you a vampire?" she blurted out.

"Aye, see? Knew you were smart," he beamed and she stared at him, shocked. "Vampires aren't real." His face dropped and he rolled his eyes. "Then how do you explain me?" He flexed and Y/N scrunched her nose in mild annoyance. "First off, you're too annoying. Second— what the hell are you doing in my house?!"

"What do you think I'm doing?! I was hungry! Now answer my damn question— why is your blood gross?" He tapped her on the forehead twice. She blinked. Well, since this night couldn't get any crazier… "I have anemia? I guess that's why. Now you answer my question! Why did you select me to be your food?"

"Because you look like a snack?" he offered sheepishly but she only raised an eyebrow. Bucky blushed a bit; he very well couldn't tell her that he had had a crush on her ever since he had seen her— that was a few months ago. Nothing wrong with just wanting a taste, is there? "Okay wait, come back to you— you have anemia?"

"Uh, yeah? Why do you care? Go away, dude, you got your taste, you didn't like it, now leave me alone!" Y/N scoffed, turning to lay back down but Bucky put an arm around her, pulling her back up. "No, we gotta talk about it. Are you taking anything for it? Supplements, Vitamin D pills…?" Y/N stared at him.

"No," she replied flatly, "Medicines taste bad and I've already come to terms with my condi—" Bucky scoffed harder. "Really? You are a dumbass, you know that? I'm bringing you the medicines tomorrow, and you're gonna take them every night in front of me, got it?" Nothing wrong with being worried about your darling's health.

"Do you usually get this involved with your prey/food?" Y/N deadpanned. "You're not— don't argue! If you're not going to take care of your health, I'm going to have to do it for you," Bucky huffed. "As sweet as the sentiment is, I think the fuck not. Goodnight, Bucky, I will not see you tomorrow." She gave him a sweet, fake smile and lay down.

This time, Bucky didn't stop her. "Dumbass," he muttered under his breath as he stood on the window sill, promptly turning into a bat before flying away into the night.

---

"Hey, welcome home!"

Y/N screamed, almost dropping her bag of groceries on the floor as she whirled around to see Bucky sitting on the couch in the living room, flipping through the pages of a magazine. "Couldn't figure out how to turn on the TV," he muttered as Y/N eyed the magazine. She couldn't help but snort. "Ancient."

"Hey, rude." He narrowed his eyes at her and she narrowed hers right back. "Okay, had your fun reading the magazine? Now get lost or I'll call security," Y/N threatened him and stood in front of him, her arms crossed. He smirked and rose to his full height, causing Y/N's resolve to crumble.

He was much, much taller than her. "Go ahead, do it, baby girl," he whispered tauntingly, leaning in so that their faces were inches apart. Y/N whimpered involuntarily at his sweet scent, slapping a hand to her mouth in horror when she realized what she had just done. Bucky burst out laughing. "See? You want me here."

"Flatter yourself, Barnes," she mumbled but the truth was, she did want him there. The previous night, she had failed to notice just how beautiful he really was; now, she found out. He was also funny, charming, caring and sweet— not bad company. "So, am I cooking dinner for one or for two?"

"You? I'm cooking dinner! And you're gonna eat whatever the hell I'm going to make. Go take a bath in the meanwhile, I'll handle it." Bucky ushered her towards her bathroom and she blinked. "What, I— hey! Wait!" He stopped pushing her. "Why are you cooking for me?"

"Because your dumbass doesn't eat shit it should be eating and instead eats what it shouldn't! You're anemic, and yet I never see you eating food that has high levels of iron in it. You just don't care about your life, do you?" Y/N laughed, pinching his cold cheeks. "You're really cute, you know? Dude, I'll be fine—"

"Okay, how about this? I'm doing this for myself because your blood tastes gross and I gotta fix it," he suggested. "I have a solution: why don't you go find someone else to be your food? Look, my blood tastes bad, so why waste all your time trying to fix it? Get someone else, kill them!" Bucky pulled a face.

"Kill them? You think you'll die if I bite you?" Y/N nodded slowly. "Um, no, sweet pie, you won't die if I bite you. You'll… maybe get sick for a few days, but then you'll be fine," Bucky explained. "What if I don't want to get sick for a few days either? Just go away, find someone else, make them sick!" Bucky pouted.

"You really don't want me to be here?" he whined. "I— Fine! Fine! Cook whatever the hell you want, stay, but on one condition." A huge smile bloomed on the vampire's face as he nodded. "You don't get to bite me, ever." His face fell. "Not even a little…?" Y/N shook her head. He pouted harder. Y/N stared back, unwavering.

"A little, small bite…?"

"Bucky, don't push it," Y/N warned and Bucky immediately raised his arms in surrender. "Now go take a bath, I'm making food." With a small smile, Y/N entered the bathroom, starting to fill the tub up with water as she sat on the toilet seat, thinking back a few hours.

How did this even happen? First, she wakes up to find a stranger on her bedroom floor gagging on her "gross" blood; second, he reveals that he is a vampire and third, he wants to take care of her and wants her to get better. Teenage her, who was quite fond of Twilight, would've loved this dude.

But now? Y/N was still skeptical, but at least Bucky hadn't pulled any sketchy shit. So far, he had been nothing but sweet. "Maybe I can give him a chance," she whispered to herself. She had no doubt about the fact that he was a vampire; he was always cold, had sharp, pointy teeth and she had practically seen him turn into a bat last night.

So yeah.

Y/N was going to allow a vampire to take care of her.

"Oh good, you're here," Bucky called out when she finally walked out of her room in her pajamas. "Smells good, what did you make?" Y/N smiled, sitting down at the kitchen island. Bucky placed a plate in front of her. "Beans. We'll start small. Do you eat meat?" Y/N nodded, eating a spoonful of the beans.

"Mm," she groaned, "These are so good! You're a great cook, Bucky." He rubbed the back of his neck shyly as Y/N beamed at him. "Thanks. My ma taught me, back in the 1500's." Y/N's eyes widened. "How old are you?" she asked with disbelief as she picked up the bread he had prepared along with the beans.

"A few centuries. You kinda lose count after a long time," he laughed. "Were you born a vampire or were you turned into one later in life?" Bucky pondered for a few seconds. "I was born one. My ma and my pa were both vampires." Y/N nodded before looking at him with a curious look. "What do you want to ask?" he teased upon seeing her expression. She chuckled.

"Can I become a vampire too?"

Bucky froze. "Do you want to be one?" he spoke slowly. "I mean, sounds cool, don't you think? Of course, I'm not completely sure, I just— wanna know how you turn someone into a vampire. Can you turn someone into one?" she blurted out. Bucky gulped hard; God knew he had been dreaming about turning her into a vampire ever since he had seen her.

Vampires having relationships with humans wasn't uncommon but he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. And with vampirism comes one boon— immortality. So, if he turned her into a vampire, they could be together forever and always, literally. "I— I can turn people into vampires. All it takes is a neck bite."

Her brows furrowed. "But you bit me last night, am I—" Bucky shook his head. "You aren't a vampire, Y/N. There is a specific spot on a person's neck that you have to bite in order to turn them into a vampire. I didn't bite you there." She nodded and exhaled. "Good. I don't wanna be a vampire just yet, gotta think more before making a decision."

"So in the future maybe, you'll be open to becoming a vampire?" Bucky asked, his hopefulness shining through in his voice. Y/N laughed. "Wanna turn me into a vampire that bad?" she teased and Bucky looked away, an embarrassed look on his face. "I'm not desperate," he muttered. Y/N finished eating her dinner, did her nightly routine and got into bed.

Bucky soon approached with two pills in his open palm, his other hand holding a bottle of water. "Just gulp it quickly and you won't have to taste the pills," he reassured her as she eyed the pills with disdain. Putting her doubts aside, she quickly downed the pills, pulling a face as she did. Bucky ruffled her hair.

"Good job, sweet pie! See, easy, wasn't it? Now get a good night's sleep, I'll see you tomorrow evening." Y/N lay down on the bed, pulling the covers on top of her as she smiled sleepily at Bucky. "Goodnight, see you tomorrow," she yawned and Bucky gave her a huge smile before jumping out the window like he had done the night before; flying into the night as a bat.

---

"Bucky! Are you here?"

Y/N walked into her dimly lit house, confused. All the lights were off, the house lit by candles placed strategically here and there. She could smell roses too. "Hi, sweet pie." A gasp escaped Y/N lips when Bucky walked out of the kitchen. He was dressed in an all-black suit, a suave smile on his face. She stood frozen as he approached her, taking her hand.

He pressed a kiss to her knuckles and Y/N found her voice. "What is this, Bucky?" she chuckled. "Our six month anniversary, sweet pie. Did you forget?" he pouted. Y/N laughed harder. "We're not dating." His smile stayed confident. "Would you like to?" She paused mid-laugh, staring at him through wide eyes filled with disbelief.

"Are you… asking me out?" she whispered and Bucky nodded. "Oh my— yes! Yes, Bucky!" She ran forward and jumped into his arms, ignoring how cold he was as she hugged him tightly, burying her face in his neck. As he stated, six months had passed since Y/N and Bucky became friends and Y/N was quickly falling for him.

He was literally perfect. There was nothing she didn't like about him; she had even gotten over the fact that he was a vampire. "Oh, fuck, I thought it was gonna fail," Bucky laughed as he pulled her flush against him, one arm wrapping around her waist as she other cradled her head. "No way, Buck, I've liked you for a while now."

Both of them walked into the kitchen, where Y/N got another shock. The floor was covered in rose petals; they formed the shape of a heart. There was a bouquet of roses sitting on the dining table as well, between two plates of delicious-looking food. Next to the vase were two bottles of expensive champagne, and two glasses.

"How long did this take?" she whispered, snuggling further into Bucky's arms as she admired the scene in front of her. "A few hours. But all worth it." He pressed a quick kiss to her temple. "The rose heart looks awesome," she grinned, thanking Bucky when he pulled out her chair for her. "Ha, thanks," he laughed.

They maintained a light-hearted conversation as they ate dinner; afterwards, Y/N took a relaxing bath, took her medicines and got into bed. "Bucky," she called out tentatively and he turned to her. "Yes, my love?" She smiled shyly. "Will you stay the night?" Bucky grinned broadly. "Thought you'd never ask."

He stripped down; only in his boxers as he got into the bed with her. Before he could lay down Y/N pulled a pro-gamer move on him and straddled his lap, rendering him speechless. "Sweet pie," he groaned when her lips came crashing down on his. He grabbed the back of her head and pulled her close, kissing her deeper.

Somewhere in the kiss Bucky's hands reached the hem of her t-shirt and he broke the kiss to pull it off of her. Another few minutes in, Y/N found herself laying on the bed stark naked under Bucky, who was equally as naked, his hard length poking at her tight entrance.

"Bucky," she whimpered as he slid home, a deep moan leaving his lips. "Fuck, sweet pie, so fucking tight," he praised, one of his hands toying with her breasts as the other grabbed her headrest, using it as support as he thrust into her repeatedly. Y/N's hands fisted around her bedsheets, the pleasure in her abdomen becoming too much to bear.

"I'm close," she announced breathlessly and Bucky dropped his head, pressing kisses to her face. "I'm close too, just a minute more." Y/N tried her best to hold the pleasure in as Bucky's thrusts started becoming sloppier. "Such a good girl for me," he grunted as he felt himself inching closer to the edge.

"Let go for me."

Both of them let go at the same time, Y/N cumming around him with a soft whine as Bucky shot his load into her with a guttural snarl. "Oh, fuck," he panted as he fell on top of her, both of them out of breath. "Bucky, I— I wanted to ask you something," she whispered shyly as Bucky rolled off of her, only to pull her closer to him. "Yes, darling?"

"I wanna be a vampire."

Bucky turned to look at her, wide eyed. "Are you sure?" She lowered her eyes and nodded. "I— I love you, Bucky, and there's no one I'd rather be with than you. So please, make me— make me immortal." Bucky blinked back tears and cupped her cheek, tilting her chin up. "All mine. My beautiful girl. I love you too," he whispered, leaning in to press a soft kiss to her lips.

He then strayed to her jaw, peppering it with kisses until he finally reached her neck, nuzzling into it for a few seconds, breathing in her scent. Soon, he found the spot— the one that would turn her into a vampire. "It'll sting just a bit," he warned her, "Then you'll go to sleep. When you wake up, the transformation will be completed. Are you sure you want this?"

"I have never been so sure of something in my entire life." Bucky smiled and pressed a quick kiss to her spot before sinking his teeth into her neck; Y/N winced a bit at the sting but overall, felt fine. When Bucky pulled away from her, he was wiping blood off his lips. He then reached down and picked up her t-shirt.

Y/N smiled sleepily as he cleaned her neck, admiring the mark for a few seconds. "Looks good. And tastes much better." Y/N giggled and slapped his bare chest, making him grin. Both of them then lay down on the bed, arms around each other as they closed their eyes.

"Goodnight, Buck."

"Goodnight, princess, see you on the other side tomorrow."

---

A/N: Thanks for reading, leave a like if you enjoyed!

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x female reader #vampire!bucky #bucky barnes smut #winter soldier #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan x y/n #sebastian stan x female reader #sebastian stan characters #disney #mcu #marvel #avengers #fanfic #writing #writeblr

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iivyhearts · 2 years

Text

lost and found

micah bell x (fem) reader

chapter one: night out

tags: drinking, mild(?) racism (its micah), fluff, some angst, jealousy, micah is protective but tries to hide some aspects of it, fluff, arguing and making up, hosea is the reader's father figure bc i love that man, violence, fighting, gun use, injuries, gunshot wounds

warnings: micah being racist bc unfortunately that is in his character; this doesn't mean i condone or like this behaviour, ty! <3, abandoning infants

✥﹤┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈﹥✥

micah was drunk, so drunk that he was stumbling, clinging onto your arm for support as the two of you saunter through the empty streets of valentine. "i gotta say, goin' out wit' you has been the most fun i've had in months, darling." micah grins, hiccuping. in your almost equally drunk state, you giggle at the blonde, nodding. "i agree, mic'. we've had a good night." you share his devious grin, stumbling with him.

a strange noise almost makes you stop, but micah spins around with you; hands grasping your waist, his mouth trailing kisses along your neck. you giggle, cupping the back of his head as he growls slightly, growing more needy for you. "micah..!" you huff, but the pleasure is short lived when you spot the source of the weird noise.

"oh god.. micah..!" you shake his shoulder slightly, but he grins, teeth nipping at your neck. "micah!" you state with more firmness, making him grunt as he pulls from your neck. "what?" he seems rather annoyed, but you just point into a nearby alley. "micah, look!" you pull from him, but your lover trails behind you; his hands still on you. "what is it?" he huffs, peering over your shoulder as you kneel down.

"poor lil' guy..!" you frown, scooping a baby out of a cramped basket. micah scoffs. "you're not seriously gonna keep that, are ya?" he spits the excess tobacco that smothered his mouth; looking back down at you. "what, would you let it die out here?" you snap back, micah shrugs. "not my kid, not my responsibility." he turns, looking anywhere but the child. "he's freezing cold..! micah, help." you stand with the infant, who was half asleep yet still weeping. "what, no!"

despite the blonde's protests, you push the infant into his arms, trying to warm the baby up between both your chests. "it must be hungry..." you sigh, looking around in the basket for anything for taking care of a child; of course it would be a miracle if there was a bottle or something similar... there wasn't. "can you take this thing back now?" micah fusses, holding the infant completely wrong.

rolling your eyes, you take the baby back carefully. "go get your horse." you order, micah narrows his eyes. "you're seriously keepin' that thing?!" he scoffs, crossing his arms. "yes! it needs us, micah." you snap back, trying to soothe the baby as best you can. it must have been newborn, it wasn't even opening it's eyes yet. "jus' leave it on a doorstep, it ain't our child." he huffs, and you scowl at him. "it might as well be, lover boy! it'll die if we don't get it to camp soon; and if it does it'll be on your hands for not trying!"

micah scoffs again, looking away. he was conflicted, you could tell. despite his 'tough guy' interior, you knew he was soft for small living things (although he'd never admit it), like rabbits and squirrels; babies you didn't know about though. "micah, please!" you beg, desperate. your boyfriend huffs, gesturing for you to follow. getting his horse, he helps you up first before mounting himself. the baby was whining, and micah huffs. "i can't believe i agreed to this."

"well, as unhappy you are, i am very thankful micah. really." you smile, kissing his shoulder gently as baylock sets off towards camp horseshoe overlook. you cradle the baby between your chest and micah's back, holding it's head against yourself carefully. "it's about 2 days old if i remember when jack was little." you mumble, and micah scoffs. "great." he grumbles, urging baylock along.

when the gentle rain starts you huff, leaning your head against micah's back, trying to keep the baby dry with your jacket. "is it sleeping?" micah asks, you look down. the baby was shuffling in your hold, getting comfortable. "almost. it must like the movement of baylock walking. it's like rocking a baby." you giggle. you didn't ever want kids, especially not with micah who seems to dislike them, your line of profession was too harsh and you didn't get on with them. you didn't like them, which would snuff any maternal feelings you felt, but with this little thing being so dependent, so small; you feel an odd feeling bubbling up in your chest.

"almost there." micah quips, the lantern on baylock's saddle flickering as the fuel began to run low. "okay... do you think that abigail will help?" you ask, micah shrugs. "dunno, we don't have the supplies to take care of a baby; not anymore since jack is grown. but she'll have experience." he replies over his shoulder, letting you snuggle into his back for warmth. "i really am thankful, micah." you mumble, pressing your forehead against his shoulder; sleep pulling at you. "yeah yeah, you've said." he grumbles.

the two of you pull into camp, and micah hitches baylock as you carefully get down, cradling the infant with your other arm. jumping off baylock disrupts the child, and he starts to wail. the camp wakes up one by one, and before you know it dutch and the gang are all flooding you. "what the hell is that?" dutch demands, a bit grouchy that his sleep had been disturbed. "dutch! we found this lil thing in an alley in valentine." you explain, holding the baby out to him.

"well i don't wan' it." he pushes your arms back, the baby continues to fuss. "c'mere!" abigail huffs, correcting how you're holding the child. "oh, thanks abby." you smile. "what are we gonna do?" hosea asks, and you look at your father figure for guidance. "we don't have the supplies..." hosea continues, and you huff; looking back at dutch. "we'll have to go into town in the morning." he yawns. "you're not telling me you're keeping it." micah huffs from behind you, you roll your eyes. "abby, help me knock some sense into my lover here." you smile at your friend, who glares at micah.

"what's goin' on?" sean asks, stumbling over. "ooh! hey, lil guy! what's his name?" he grins, swaddling the baby in his arms. "uh... we don't know." you grin sheepishly at your best friend. "can i be it's uncle?" he grins at you in a drunken haze. you laugh, "fine." dutch clears his throat and sean begrudgingly hands the baby back. "we have to do something, it's probably starving..." you frown, taking the baby back from the redhead.

"we'll get supplies tomorrow if you're keeping it." he shrugs, and you look back at micah. your boyfriend shakes his head, but he knows that his word wouldn't affect your decision. "i guess we can until we find it's mother or something..." you shrug, trying to deny your attachment to the infant. "okay, get some sleep everyone. pearson, get the kid some milk or something easy to go down." dutch commands, everyone dispersed.

you received an old bottle abigail had for jack when he was a baby full of freshly warmed milk as susan cleaned the baby up; gave it fresh clothes and a newer; warmer blanket, and sat with the baby against a tree beside a small fire. micah had walked off in a funk at the decision, so you were alone caring for the baby. "hola." javier yawns, sitting beside you. "hey, javi." you smile, clearly tired from the lack of sleep you'd been getting the past few nights due to drinking with sean and staying up past curfew partying at the saloon with lenny, charles and javier.

"is he alright?" he gestures to the baby boy, who was guzzling milk. "yeah. he eats like a horse and sleeps like a rock." you giggle, leaning up against javier for extra warmth. "i'm not surprised. i was the same, y'know?" he grins, you shove him gently. "nah, i can't imagine you as a baby. you're just javi." you tease, and he chuckles. "no, no; it's true. i was always hungry. ate the most out of all my siblings." javier shares a laugh with you.

the baby had finished it's milk, and you burped it how abigail had showed you; and was now fast asleep in your arms with a full belly and warmth from you and your friend. a new, familiar voice tuts at you. "look at this. you an' the greaser should start a family." micah scoffs. "oh, shut it micah. leave us alone if you're just here to be a bigot." you snap at your boyfriend, and javier smiles at your protectiveness against racism.

micah huffs, but doesn't budge, he just looks off into the wilderness. javi takes the baby from you as you get up, pulling your lover away. "what is your problem?" you hiss, and micah scoffs. "my problem? what's your problem? keeping that little thing around." he snaps. "it's a baby, micah. it would of died!" you seethe. "it ain't our child!" micah snarls.

"so you woulda just left it if i wasn't there?" you cross your arms, challenging him. micah doesn't reply, you double down. "well? would you of just left a kid there?" you step forward, leaning to your left so he would look at you. "no!" he yells, and you nod. "exactly. how is this any different?"

"because! because..!" he struggles with his words for a moment. "because what, micah?" he huffs, waving his hand angrily. "nothing." he goes to walk away, but you grab his arm. "no, tell me. what?"

"it doesn't matter!" micah snarls, pulling his arm from your grip. "micah..." you put on a more gentle tone, trying to coax him back to you. "i just.. i don't like seein' you all lovey dovey wit' that greaser." he huffs, you raise a finger at him warningly. "refer to javier like that again micah, i swear to god you won't like what happens." your warning makes micah sigh.

"i just... i don't wanna share you. not with anyone." micah huffs, your eyes soften. "oh, micah.." you frown, going to hug him. "don't, go start a fam'ly with that spaniard, i don't care." he snaps, pushing you away a bit rougher than he intended. you stumble a little, giving your boyfriend a hurt look. "fine. whatever.." you huff, walking away from him. micah clenches his fists, kicking a puff of dust up off the floor before storming off.

"are you alright, amiga?" javier asks, noticing how dejected and almost teary-eyed you looked. "i'm fine, javi." you sit beside him again, and javier hums. "he's tough, isn't he?" your friend offers a smile, gently bouncing the baby in his arms. you smile back. "yeah..." you nod, looking back to the dimming embers. "here. he's been fussing since you left." javier offers the infant to you, you give him a soft smile. "he seems fine now."

"i dunno... he was really upset when you left." javier insists, and so you take the infant. the baby makes a few noises, settling in your arms. "you make a good mother, y/n." javi nudges you. "hah! yeah right. i didn't even know how to hold the thing until abby showed me." you gently rock the small baby back to sleep, already forgetting about your squabble with micah. sean stumbles over, collapsing onto the floor on your left.

"hows my new nephew doin?" the irishman grins, sitting up and leaning over to look at the baby. "he's fine. just settling for some sleep." you smile at sean, and he beams back. "good, good." he nods, leaning up against you. the three of you huddle close, the baby practically between all of you. your two closest friends were practically guard dogs on either side of you, and javier spared micah a glare when he considered approaching.

with the warmth and comfort of your friends, you had began to doze off; your head leant against sean's shoulder as he leans his own head atop of yours. javier was pressed into your other side, keeping watch. just as you started to doze off, the baby started crying; not wailing, just weeping. "uh..." you try to snuff your panic, sitting upright. "is it hungry?" sean asks, sitting up as well. "no, he just ate..."

"maybe he's struggling to sleep out here... take him in your tent?" javier suggested, you shake your head. "micah's already pissy, he'd kill me if i brought the lil guy in there..." you huff, javi frowns, but doesn't quip on it out of respect for you. "maybe he's bored?" sean smiles, offering to take the baby. you shrug, giving your friend the fussy infant. "heya, midge. you are just the smallest thing. y'know, my da used to tell me i was such a small baby..." sean continues to ramble to the baby until he dozes off once more.

"i can't tell if you're a natural, or if you bored him to sleep." javier jokes, keeping his voice hushed so he didn't wake the baby. "what're you planning on calling him?" sean looks at you, you blink back. "huh?" you furrow your brows. "well, you're gonna need to call him something." sean shrugs, rocking the baby as gently as he could. "he has a point, amiga. who knows when we'll find the mother..." javier nods.

"uhhh.... i dunno.." you laugh, trying to keep them hushed. "how about sean jr?" your friend jokes, you wanted to shove him playfully but kept the sleeping newborn in mind. "piss off, one of you is bad enough." you grin, looking at javier for suggestions. "i'm no good with american names, but i did hear one when i went into town..." he mumbles. "what was it?"

"dakota, i think..." he nods. "like the river?" sean leans forward a little to look at javier. "no, estúpido, the name!" javier rolls his eyes, and sean lets out an 'ahh'. "i think its nice. thanks, javi." you smile, javier smiles back. "no problemo, i'm like the cool uncle." he jokes, sean gasps. "no way, i'm cooler!" you giggle as the bickering begins.

micah was fuming, hosea could see that. "y'know, son..." the older man starts, glancing over at you. "if you love her, you'll set your attitude straight with her." micah glares at hosea, clearly not wanting to hear his wise advice. "our relationship ain't your business, hosea." micah replies, voice sour. "i know. i'm just laying down the cards. she's been hurt, god... when i first found that girl, she looked wild; like she'd never seen a town before. she was so weary of everyone, pulling knives on people who got too close." he sighs, looking back at you.

"she's like my daughter, i suppose. so i have a right to protect her as such." hosea continues, and micah huffs. "whatever. i'm going to bed." he storms off, hosea can only huff out a weak laugh.

you were half asleep, still squished between javier and sean. micah wanted you to come over to your shared tent, but he's far too proud to ask. you'd normally come over to him when he got to bed, he never had to ask before... you seemed so exhausted, the baby had been passed back to you; seemingly sound asleep. javier was alert, wide awake, whereas sean was actually asleep, slumped and everything as he snoozed. you were in between, your eyes would catch movement, but your eyelids were sliding closed and you seemed almost sluggish.

eventually, when micah had gone into his tent; javier nudged you. "he wants you there, y'know?" your friend mumbles. "if he wants me so bad he can come and ask." you whisper back, javier nods. "i agree, but maybe tonight you should head to bed anyway. ignore him if you want." javier stands, dusting himself off before offering a hand. you smile, taking his offer and standing with him, your grip on dakota tightening a little so you didn't drop him.

"c'mon. i'll walk you over." javier nods to your tent. you shake your head. "you should go to bed too, you look like shit." you grin. "ha, thanks. i guess i'll see you in the morning then, yeah?" javier asks. you nod, giving him a hug goodnight, giving sean an affectionate nudge with your foot. the irishman groans, falling over completely. "he's gonna be sore in the morning." javier jokes, you share a final laugh before parting ways.

micah was pretending to be asleep. you knew it when you walked into the tent. rolling your eyes, you carefully get into bed beside your lover, not bothering to kiss his shoulder like you normally do. instead, you lay on side, still facing him; dakota was safe between you both. micah rolls over, his eyes meeting yours in the darkness. "hey, sweets..." he mumbles. you look down at dakota instead.

"i'm sorry..." micah catches your chin with his finger, kissing you gently. "wow. micah bell saying sorry. what happened to you?" you tease, unable to be mad at him any longer. "i spoke with hosea, he knocked some sense into me." micah chuckles gently. you accept another kiss from your boyfriend, shuffling a little closer so dakota's tiny form was pressed against your tummy; using your hand as a cushion.

"i love you, mic'." you mutter, sleep pulling at you. "i love you too, sweet stuff." micah scratches his jaw a little before looking at the baby between the two of you. "is he uh... staying?" he asks, and you nod. "for the time being but he's my responsibility. i have to feed him and care for him." you gently stroke the baby's forehead with your thumb. "he's small..." micah mumbles, you stifle your laughs. "he is."

"what's his name?" micah looks at you once more, you meet his gaze. "javier suggested dakota." micah mulls it over but nods. "that's a good one. i knew a fella named dakota; dead now but a good man." you rest your head upon micah's shoulder, huddled close; the only thing stopping you from pressing fully against your boyfriend was dakota. "i'm sorry for pushing you away, darling..." micah whispers, pressing a kiss to your nose. "it's fine. just don't do it again; we have each other's backs, remember?" the conversation falls with that, and you finally fall asleep against micah.

you woke up to dakota's cries, but you couldn't feel him. you shot up in bed, searching for the baby as best you could. turning you relaxed when you saw micah, trying (and failing) to calm the little fusspot. your boyfriend meets your eye and flusters. "he was disturbing me, and i didn't want him to wake you." he lies; you could see that he cares for the child like you do.

you smile at micah, and he scoffs. "what?" you just laugh. "you're going soft, micah bell." you get up as micah denies it, handing dakota to you. once the baby boy was in your arms he calmed down, his eyes gently yet slowly peeling open. "oh.. hi there, dakota." you smile, the baby makes a few noises. "he kinda has your eyes, micah." you tease. "shut up.." your boyfriend huffs, getting up from his seat and getting back into bed. you sit beside micah with dakota cradled in your arms, letting him look around. the baby was calm, and micah didn't realise he was smiling at you until you looked at him.

micah goes back to sleep, and after what you assumed to be half an hour, dakota fell asleep too. you carefully lay on your back, letting dakota sprawl on your stomach. one of micah's arms sloped over you and the baby, holding the both of you as he dozed. you gently stroke the back of dakota's head, leaning your own head against micah. you fall back asleep with the comfort of both the boys being safe.

the next day had come, and all the ladies were hounding you to see the baby. as they cooed and awed the little thing you got some more tips off abigail. "thank you so much, abby. hopefully we can find dakota's mother soon..." your friend tuts. "i dunno. if you found him in an alleyway chances are the mother did'n want him." she looks over at where karen, tilly and mary-beth were showering the baby with love. "let's hope not..." you frown at the thought.

"is mr bell warming up to lil dakota?" tilly asks, glancing up at you. "i dunno, but i did catch him trying to soothe him when he woke us up crying." you share a laugh with the ladies, and they all state disbelief. "you must of been dreaming." mary-beth giggles. "he was all like 'he was disturbing me that's why'." you quote your boyfriend, albeit incorrectly, and all the ladies laugh again. "that's some good blackmail right there, y/n." karen grins.

"mhm. 'do this micah or i'll tell dutch you're goin' soft'." abigail adds on. "hola, ladies." javier greets, giving you a hug. "mornin' javier." they chime back, and you give your friend a smile. "good mornin', javi." javier checks on dakota, then on you. "i was wondering if you wanted to ride into strawberry with me?" he asks, you glance at the girls. "ah, sorry javi but dakota's my responsibility. i can't just lug him onto somebody else..." you frown, and javier lets out a hum. "oh yeah... i forgot about that."

"you could always take him with you?" tilly suggests. you feel a bit of uneasiness at the thought. "oh, i dunno..." you mumble, looking at dakota's tiny hands as he grips tilly's fingers tightly. "c'mon. some exploring will do him good. when jack was little i used to take him on horse rides to calm him down. i suppose that's why he loves animals so much." abigail smiles. with the official mother's approval, you nod, accepting dakota from tilly.

all the ladies bid you and little dakota farewell, and you set off with javier... but, not before micah get's back from the supply run into valentine. "heya, sweets. where're you headin' off to without me?" he teases from his mount, and you roll your eyes jokingly. "javi's taking me an' dakota into strawberry for some stuff. you comin'?"

"ah, i think i've still gotta bounty on my head up there." he shrugs, and you hum. "if you lay low maybe they won't realise it's you? what do you think, javi?" you look at your friend who is mounting boaz. "i don't mind either way." he shrugs. "alright, i'll tag along. get on up here, sweet stuff." micah helps you up onto baylock and the four of you set off to strawberry.

the town is quite popular today, and javier splits off to collect a new saddle. micah takes to hitching baylock to a post, sitting at a bench with you. deciding to sit on micah's lap made dakota squished between you both. he was more vocal today, making little humming noises as he looks around. "did you get a decent amount of sleep last night?" micah asks, his hand resting on your lower back. "yeah, it's enough to keep me up throughout the day." you nod, giving your lover a gently kiss.

"ey, that's that fella from the wanted poster!" a man calls, you turn to see a few people pointing. micah tenses under you, quickly removing you and dakota from his lap. "now, gentlemen. there's no need to start something you can't finish." micah stands, hand wearily resting on his gun. the bounty hunters don't listen, and a gunshot rings out. people panic, and your ears are ringing from the sudden rifle shot; the only thing you can seem to focus on was dakota's screaming.

the bench you were stood at was tipped by micah, and he pushes you into cover. he's saying something, but you can only stare back with wide eyes. you were a hunter, you never got into gunfights so it was always a bit of a shock when they started. whatever micah said went unheard as he gets up again, drawing his pistols. you soothe dakota as best you can; covering his little ears so the gunshots weren't so scary.

javier had come running, skidding around the corner to see the scene unfold. micah had shot two of the bounty hunters, and you were trying to calm a screaming child. giving micah some supportive fire, javier is quick to duck under cover with you. "are you alright, amiga?" he asks, and you look at him; nodding slightly. "yeah, yeah..! we're fine. help micah!" with your word, javier vaults the bench, helping micah with the rest of the bounty hunters.

lawmen were coming in quick, and the sheriff was approaching too. micah goes to run, but stops when he sees you. the urge to protect you is increased in micah when he sees dakota screaming his little lungs out, fat tears rolling down his puffy little cheeks. "c'mon!" he grabs you, helping you up. a lawman's bullet hits your arm, and you yelp; almost dropping dakota. micah is enraged, shielding you with his body as he shoots back.

"c'mon, we gotta go!" javier ushers the two of you out; a bullet hits micah's side. javier manages to dodge one, it grazes past his cheek; slicing his fair skin open. dakota is distressed, and it makes your heart ache. the four of you are quick to mount up, galloping out of the town.

by the time lawmen had lost you all, it had become night time. dakota was cranky, upset and hungry. he was fussing, yet more quiet since leaving strawberry. you were trying not to cry yourself, the burning pain in your arm was unbearable. leaning up against micah, you sniffle into his shirt as he sighs. "i shouldn't of come..." he grumbles, urging baylock along. "it's fine, amigo. we're all out and alive now." javier replies, looking at you.

"maybe we should camp up?" micah suggests, but you shake your head. "no. dakota needs food, we have to go back to horseshoe overlook." your voice is shaky yet stern, micah nods. "then we keep heading back." javier nods, the group falls silent.

dakota was grumpy, crying all the way, you just couldn't soothe him. micah was beginning to feel annoyed, you could tell by the way he bristled. javier didn't seem to mind at all, just riding along with you. huffing, your forehead meets micah's shoulder once more as you carefully seat dakota so he's sat on the saddle between you and your boyfriend. the baby is leant back against you, so his head is upright, and eventually the rocking of baylock soothes him.

javier gives you a smile, and you smile back; just as exhausted. by the time you all got back, hosea was preparing a search. "don't worry, we're back." javier raises a hand, and micah quips in agreement. "thank god.." hosea sighs, walking straight over to you. "c'mon now, darling. c'mon.." your father figure helps you down, frowning at the bullet wound in your arm. "i'll get you cleaned up, don't you worry." he ushers you along, and abigail takes dakota.

micah gets patched up as well as yourself, and javier gets a wet rag to clean his scratch. hosea can't help but chastise you, lovingly yet serious, about being so reckless and leaving camp with the baby. upon noticing your distant stare, hosea shuts up and asks you what's wrong. "everything happened so fast, and dakota... all i could hear was him screaming and i didn't know what to do." you whine, letting the old man pull you into a hug.

"it's alright now. you're safe, dakota's safe, javier and micah are safe... everything's gonna be fine. i'll send arthur to pay off that damn bounty on micah's head tomorrow." your father rubs your back gently; and you feel rather nostalgic at the feeling of his hand rubbing circles over your upper back. "go get some food and some rest, love." he smiles, ushering you away to take care of yourself.

you meet up with micah, who has dakota in one arm, a drink in the other. "you alright?" he asks, looking up at you. "yeah. are you?" you reply, taking the baby from your lover. "yeah, nothing that hasn't happened before." micah sighs, wrapping an arm around your shoulder as you sit beside him; nestling into his side as dakota snuggles into your chest. "we're gonna be fine, sweetheart." micah mumbles, you nod slightly, watching life around the camp move.

when you wake up, dakota is fussing, tugging your shirt from between you and micah who was dead asleep. "c'mon then, dakota. let's get you some food." you yawn, getting up and scooping up the baby. dakota whines a little, his tiny hands clutching your shirt. "pearson, good morning." you greet, giving the cook a nod. "ah, miss l/n. i prepared lil' dakota his milk already." he coughs, handing over the warm bottle. "thanks pearson." you smile, promising to be back over for coffee and breakfast once dakota was dealt with.

you sat at your usual spot nearby your tent, carefully feeding dakota; smiling as he lets out a few noises, guzzling the milk down. "good morning, y/n." arthur greets, you look up at him. "hey arthur." you smile, watching the cowboy sit nearby. "how is he?" the gruff man gestures to dakota. "ah, he's fine. just wanted breakfast." you look back down to the baby who was making quick work of the milk. "good, good. how are you holding up? hosea said you were pretty shaken."

"yeah... if dakota wasn't there i would of been fine." you sigh. "i get that. you're fond of the lil' guy, aren't you." arthur teases, and you laugh. "i guess so." you mumble, sitting dakota up. "do you wanna do the honours?" you grin as arthur shuffles slightly. "nah, knowing my luck with jack he'll puke on me." arthur waves you off, and you smile. "coward." your voice is teasing, and you gently pat and rub dakota's back.

micah stretches, stumbling from the tent. "morning." he nods at arthur, smiling at you. "mornin' micah." you greet, arthur repeats it. "i best be goin', i got a oil wagon to steal." arthur gets up, giving micah a nod. "roger that, morgan." micah sees him off before sitting beside you. "you alright now?" you ask, nodding to your lover's side. "yeah, it's not too bad." micah pats his side, grinning smugly at you. "yeah, yeah. don't let it get to your head, cowpoke." you tease, nudging him.

dakota interrupts the playful bickering, waving his tiny hands to micah. "i think he wants you, right now." you smile, offering the baby. "ah, nah... you best keep hold of him." micah waves you off, looking around the camp instead. "c'mere." you force dakota into micah's arms, almost laughing at your boyfriend's dismay. the blonde outlaw awkwardly cradles the baby, meeting his eyes. "hi." he mumbles, and dakota bursts into fit of giggles; reaching up for micah.

"what? what d'you want, hey?" he raises the baby a little, letting him grab his jacket tightly in tiny yet strong hands. you smile, leaning up against your boyfriend. "i know you don't wanna admit it, but you'd be an amazing father micah." you kiss his cheek gently, and micah scoffs. "yeah right. i shot my own daddy, this one would probably do the same if i was his father."

"you aren't your father micah." you remind him, smiling at him. "yeah, i know... but still." he shrugs, handing dakota back. "i think if you gave it a shot you'd be one of the best father's out here." you give micah a loving kiss, leaning up against him as you bounce dakota; trying to keep him from getting bored. "whatever you say, sweet stuff."

#rdr2 #rdr2 micah #micah bell #micah bell x reader #rdr2 micah x reader #// 🪴 iivyhearts #// 🪴 iivyhearts writing #// 💰 rdr2 #// 🍼 lost and found

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