kidgillis

[kidgillis]

If you'd like to read a small snippet of my first poetry collection "Ethereal Love" click here to head on over to Wattpad! Now, this isn't the full version of my book - so a few gems are missing. But, hopefully, it'll be intriguing and satisfying to someone in need of a quick euphoric feel. Anyways, thanks for all your love and support on this journey! I seriously appreciate it. Leave a comment or review, if you like what you read. Also, pick up a copy of my book over at the LuluBook store.

GO READ THE WATTPAD EDITION OF ETHEREAL LOVE BY CLICKING THE LINK BELOW!

GRAB YOUR COPY OF ETHEREAL LOVE AT THE LINK BELOW!

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[kidgillis]

I won't cry forever but, perhaps just for now. I got to wash away the pain and remove these stains of regret. No, I am not a victim. Honestly, I am not. I am simply a person learning the rules of how to maintain life and protect a delicate heart.

[kidgillis]

I probably should've loved you better. But, at that moment, I didn't know what love was. Love used to be common courtesy and mutual respect. I didn't realize that there was so much more to it than that. So, I apologize for loving you wrong. For stealing such a valuable heart but not understanding its proper function, nevertheless, it's worth. For shattering something so precious to me and making an even bigger mess of things trying to fix what I'd broken. I never meant to cause you any harm or pain. I was only trying to love you to the best of my ability. At that moment, that meant that I'd show up when you called and texted to make sure you were okay if you didn't. I'd tell jokes to make you laugh and say the darnest things to make you smile for me. I'd sit patiently waiting for your arrival and prepare for your departure every day. I'd tell you everything I like about you and pray about everything else that bothers me. And, even though you didn't like it...I'd still do all the things you deemed stupid, creepy, and weird because that's me being me...a part of me you hate to love but can't help but be intrigued. Kind of like your love for video games, obsession with lofi music, and unique taste for steak. So, I apologize for my shortcomings. For walking away while we were in the middle of becoming. I'm sorry for loving you wrong; I think I learned from my mistake, thankfully. I know now it wasn't that I didn't know what or how to love. It was simply I didn't know how to showcase it the way that you expected. I only knew how to show up and do it how I was taught - respectfully, devoted to my person while showing up regardless of the cause. But I guess that wasn't enough...

[kidgillis]

Darling, stay vigilant! Stay alert. Don't you dare get distracted or allow yourself to be rocked to sleep. Get up! Prepare yourself for what's about to occur. Something is happening in plain sight, but the little things are blinding you. Wake up! Wake up before it's too late!

[kidgillis]

You can give the world to a person. However, if they've never learned the value of anything...How will they be able to cherish it for what it's worth?

[kidgillis]

Darling, how are you doing today? Don't hold back your feelings or hold in your words. Let it out. Identify your emotions and thought process, beloved.

[kidgillis]

It's ok for rain to pour from the windows of your soul - as you dwell alone, reminiscing about the olden days - all of the things made you smile and everything you seem to try so hard to forget about. It's ok to regret as long as you know - there's still time to do things over...

[kidgillis]

Dare I say the words I leave unspoken? The thoughts that linger and the rebuttals rehearsed. The analyzed memories and the clarity from revelations. The pain felt and the sorrow I numb with smiles. Can I talk about it? I doubt it but, my rage and hunger leaves me wondering often.

[kidgillis]

Darling, who made you terrified to feel and experience life? How long have you been waiting to become perfect? And anticipating being good enough? When was the last time you enjoyed living instead of just surviving? Why do you fear beginnings and hate ending what never was, love?

[kidgillis]

I'm in need of something. I'm not sure exactly what it is. But there's a craving for it—a need to experience what it could bring. There's a desire for it. It's so close but still so far away. I can feel it. I can sense it. I can hear it. I'm just not sure of its name. It is everything I need in the moment and everything I want in the future. It is everything I could ask for, but none of the things I thought were vital. I changed from being in its presence to just wanting to be engulfed by it entirely. It doesn't make sense to most, but to me, I finally understand. A healthy love will scare you, have you run for the hills, and leave you to examine yourself before figuring out your need to return. This is an experience worth losing yourself and your pride for. I'm just happy to learn that without complications and repercussions.

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[kidgillis]

I want to know you. Not simply the things you show off to the world but, beyond and beneath it. I want to know those other moments you don't believe are deemed worthy of sharing. From your fondest dream, to your favorite song, to the tears you cry, the words you cuss, and the reactions that leave you razzeled ready to go to war. I want to know them all.

[kidgillis]

Darling, you gotta believe in yourself. Choose yourself. Show up, be aware, and present for yourself. Put in the time and dedication needed while doing the work. Take care of yourself. Heal. Make a mends. Forgive and forget. Make sure you're okay mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically while always doing your best. You deserve to live life and thrive. You are loved. You are cherished. You are intelligent. You are beautiful. You are unique. You are everything you're supposed to be. You don't have to hide it. And, yes...you have flaws. A few of them. But, those things often change overtime. You have all that you need to have all that you want. You don't have to ask for anything. You don't have to beg for nothing. You don't have to hide or minimize who you are. You are exactly who you're supposed to be. Live your life. Gather your tribe. Manifest your dreams. Build your kingdom. Do what you like and love. Try what you hate and learn what you don't know. Experience and explore this world and all that it has to offer you. There are blessings hidden within everyday with your name on it. Each day is a gift, every moment is a present. Be willing and open to criticism and learning. Be honest and truthful about yourself and others. Love yourself. Hug yourself. Date yourself. Let go and live. Don't be afraid of the unknown or confused about what is know. Don't fear anything at all. Go with the flow of what you've been called, positioned, and purposed to do. Embrace yourself. But, most of all...get rooted. Build yourself a solid foundation, safe haven, and home. For yourself and others by knowing who you are, what you stand for, & why. Never straying away from your truth. All of this your responsibility. This is how you discover your true identity. Take accountability over it. There is great power inside you. You deserve to be celebrated and known. Your DNA is one of a kind. You matter just as much as everyone else. There is no one else just like you. So, come on...tell and show the world who you are. Don't hold yourself back or limit yourself. We're all dying to know the real you. This is your time. Introduce yourself. "Hi, my name is..."

[kidgillis]

I know you're going to miss me when I'm gone. Just cherish what we are in this moment. I'll be back soon, don't worry about where I am going. Just know that I'm with you, regardless. I know it's hard to imagine life seperated but, there's no escaping the connection we've formed. I'm attached and affected by this frequency flowing. Yet, there's still a couple things I have to get done before we form a new alliance together. Can't say much, just know this heart is yours. Even while apart and screaming the sky is falling. Nah baby, this isn't the end of the world, it's a new beginning starting. And, I can't wait to see you on the other side smiling when you see the things I have in order. So, goodbye for now. Remember, I love you. ✌️😎

[kidgillis]

There were no flowers left. No card to display. There was no breakfast in bed. No celebration. There were no words said. Instead, the children went on with their day - laughed & played amongst those who raised them. But, the one they wanted most never made it home to greet them..

[kidgillis]

Darling, I know you want to change who you are. You hate everything about yourself due to the world's unrealistic expectations and judgements. From the beautiful crown of your head to the perfect soles of your feet, you are a masterpiece. Yet, you can't see it. Can't bare to look in the mirror. I wish you saw what I see. You can't accept it. Can't stand to see your reflection. If only you knew how deep your beauty is rooted. You can't understand it. How something so familiar could still feel so foreign. Like, being in a room full of people and still feeling alone or having everything you need but, always wanting more. Like, feeling pretty but, never feeling beautiful or wanting to be anybody but, the somebody you are. It's exhausting trying to pretend to be okay. I see it. Full smile, bright eyes, and optimism goes a long way until it can't. I know it. That dark cloud over your head rains on your parade every chance it gets. What used to be quiet now becomes loud - chattering voice and laughter of strangers and familiars. We've all been through it. You often wonder what it'll take to change it all. To become someone else. How to mend the broken pieces of who you are and change the shards of who you're becoming. Tell me, who are you? Where have you been? Where will you be? And what are you trying to become? Maybe a little bit stronger, taller, spontaneous, quirkier, thicker, louder, smarter, real...something, anything...that would make you feel better about yourself. But, better by who's standard? You just want to be enough. Enough by who's expectation? You just want to be perfect. Perfect by who's perspective? Darling, don't you know - there is no such thing? You are who you are and it is wonderful. You don't have to change your personality, pretend, hide, minimize, or alter any part of who you are. Beloved, this is a truth you have to know...I loved you from the moment I saw you and I love you even more now that I know who you truly are. There is nothing you can do to stop me or change the way I feel about you. My love for you isn't based on your apperance or how picture perfect you think you can become. I want you for you - just as you are. Now, if you do want to change, beloved...do it for yourself. Because, it's what you want. It's what you need. It will enhance your life. It will make you happy. It will help you on your journey and mission in life. It'll fulfill your dream and purpose. Not me. You have to embrace yourself. Find your self. You are a unique individual who deserves your own love and acceptance. This world has been waiting for years to be introduced to the authentic version of you. Don't let that go over your head or cause you to fall victim to your own insecurities and voids. We're all waiting for you to choose without resentment or regret. You know and I know...you just have to tell them..."Hello World, I am..."

[kidgillis]

Darling, I know you want people to recipacate all that they've receive from you. However, beloved...I think you need to accept that everyone isn't capable to do so. This life is short but, the time spent here seem so long. Each and every person on this earth walks the same path you do, except we all start at different points. Some of us were born with what we have. Some of us were given things. Some of us weren't given anything at all and had to work hard for what we got. Some of us even stole things from others. Each and every person, no matter where you've encountered them on this journey, got something to give. Yet, not everyone is able or even equipped to do the same as you. And, that has to be okay. Some people have all that is needed to meet you where you are. Others will do this walk through life with you. Some will only be able to show up and be present for a brief moment. Others might be able to lend you what you need and then some while sticking around for the long haul. And, there's even some who'll only have a moment and a single piece of what they cherish the most to share with you. Some won't even try to give or help or meet you for whatever reason. However, what must be understood and accepted is...all are valuable and necessary. None should be favored more than the other or deemed wrong. Everyone has something to give but, not to the same extent as you. And, I'm sure at one point in your life, while on this journey through time, you've actually been each of these persons in someone else's life...

[kidgillis]

All of my life I've been preparing for this moment. The duration of waiting finally ending. Clarity unveiling what I have come to understand after decades of searching for something. Answers given to questions I've always had but, never voiced aloud. This is what I've been waiting for. My heart pounding within my chest. The pressure rising inside my body. My mind racing with thoughts. The world around me spinning. The lights bright. The people surrounding, talking. Everyone happy, thriving even. We're all together, again. A celebration. A graduation. A ceremony. A ritual. A cleanse. I am here. I have arrived. Everything I ever needed was within. Everything I ever wanted, I went without. I am still here. Here, I stand. Ten toes down, head held high. I did it. I did what I said. I beat the odds. I did what they said I couldn't do. I overcame all the obstacles they've put infront of me. I am what I said. Heart pounding like it wasn't to escape. Palms sweating as my body begins to shake. Nerves rattled. Vulnerable, I feel so weak. In this moment. My moment. Present, at this place. Tears fall like rain as I close my eyes. I did it all. Everything that I could think of. Now, what will come next for me? Who will I be tomorrow, after all of this is done? When the accolade becomes a memory and the praise stops. What will become of me as I drift back into normalcy while trying to piece together what is left. Me, in the dark, dwelling. The duration of waiting. I'm starting over, again. Doubt veiling what clarity has already told me before. I'm still trying to understand why I am seeking out something - anything - more. I've been preparing for this moment, all of my life. But, I'm unsure of what to do with it, now that it's here and happening. Feels as if I'm missing it and soon enough, it'll be gone...