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mikajunie · 1 month

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rediscovering shame and giving yourself compassion (how to deal with shame as someone with ADHD)

this is directed towards my fellow ADHDers who have trouble with reoccuring shame while leads to hindered productivity.

signs that your productivity is hindered by shame (compiled by my own experiences):

you feel negative physical symptoms when you think about your responsibilities

you find ways to avoid the responsibilities

every time you make progress, you feel like you don't ever wanna touch it again

when you present your progress, you feel ashamed of yourself because it's not finished (on time & according to ur standards).

you feel like you are a constant failure. you never win, despite achieving good things here and there.

you are a walking ball of anxiety

you have a fear of being perceived

there's probably more, but eh those are just from my own experiences

below i will write down what y'all should remember, what you can do to help yourself, etc. this is compiled from dr k, my own journaling time, and my firsthand experience from having shame 24/7

some things u gotta remember

shame is what exists in the gap between your ideal self and where you are currently.

your ideal self doesn't have to be unrealistic, it can be yourself when you were at your peak or someone who is very similar to you.

shame brings negative thoughts, because it makes you see progress as a negative thing.

instead of being happy that u made progress, u grumble to urself and ask "why didnt i just do it sooner? im so stupid". it's a reminder of your failures, so u avoid progress altogether.

shame can become a part of you, to the point where you feel uneasy or vulnerable if you dont feel ashamed at yourself

shame doesn't do anything to ADHDers in the long run except self-loathing and hindered productivity.

what should u do?

basically self-therapy, but instead of stopping at why, i try to solve my shame one-by-one.

examine past moments where you felt a LOT of shame. this can go back to elementary. the stronger the emotions, the better. now, write them down. you're probably cringing, but that is good. feel all the cringiness running through ur veins.

why did you feel shame? why did it happen? what did you feel?

reframe your thoughts. instead of immediately running away from it, accept it and justify it. give it compassion. give it a hug. was it your 7 year old self? hug yourself. it's okay to fuck up and do silly things sometimes, and it's okay to have ADHD. it's not our fault.

remember that ADHD is a lifelong nerudivergency, you can't just push it away. coping mechanisms and tools help, but give yourself some grace when you screw up. it's our first time living anyway.

calm your body down. make sure your physical body is doing okay.

now... think of one thing you want to do but can't because of shame and do these steps carefully. think of the reasons why you might be ashamed, and reframe your thoughts.

WARNING!! TAKE IT ONE PRESENT ACTION AT A TIME. don't do this for every action you want to take, let your body slowly learn that it's okay to make progress despite the shame you feel, and you are allowed to feel compassion for yourself.

train your body to accept compassion slowly. life is tough with ADHD but it's even tougher knowing that shame will get in your way. give yourself a break, it's fine to fuck up, we all go through different things anyway. even if it's not fine, you will learn and make those mistakes a lil bit lesser in the future.

ok hope this helps.

#mika rambles #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #adhd #actuallyadhd #actually adhd #adhd tips #adhd advice #adhd problems #adhd brain #adhd things #self improvement #mental health #mental illness #advice

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sketching-shark · 1 year

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While I'm somewhat knowledgeable about JTTW, I don't dislike Monkie Kid doing it's own thing and telling it's own story. It allows for a lot of creative liberties when the show isn't shackled to the OG classic. However, I would say the change that is starting to become annoying, and that some fans are starting to take notice on, is SWK's portrayal. Again, I dont mind him being this flawed hero character that makes mistakes. But his flaws are starting to become...overwhelming. Like can anyone recall the last time he did something good or right in this series? Everywhere I turn, the show just points out the pain he causes people. The label of "hero" kinda doesn't fit anymore. And I feel like the writers keep digging a deeper hole with him. He's made so many bad decisions that I hesitate to call him a good person anymore. I think this is also because they use villains from the book instead of creating new villains for MK. So everything ends up being Wukong's fault because those OG villains are tied to him. And I question if this will continue to be the case until the show ends. Anyway, I'm just glad other fans are noticing this particular writing decision and criticizing it.

Monkie Kid spoilers & me being perhaps too mean & ungenerous to a cartoon monkey below so you know keep reading at your own risk aegesfaewf:

Well anon given that one of my favorite JTTW retellings is Monkey King: Hero Is Back on one hand I really have no right to criticize massive changes to the og classic in stories heavily based on Xiyouji sdfrae. ON THE OTHER HAND, when a good portion of those changes pretty consistently have the consequence of the great sage himself being characterized more and more as a stupid failure at best and a selfish asshole at worst (especially in the context of this characterization happening in a goofy lego show about going on fun adventures) it's like...what is sparking these writing decisions. Said this before, but yea for the past few seasons Monkie Kid's story lines has been in this loop of "some villain makes an appearance-->SWK ends up making the whole situation 1000 times worse even if inadvertedly-->Qi Xiaotian gets a lot more trauma-->villain gets exploded at the end which apparently means everything's okay now." And the entire time every character from Long Xiaojiao to the Six Eared Macaque to Li Nezha has some extended scene that's all about them stating with great conviction what a horrible person the Monkey King is. And then the show does very little to refute that. Everything he does, even if he's trying his best to do what he thinks is the right thing, just ends with giving the villain d'jour a massive power-up right up until it's time for the big explodey climax. Qi Xiaotian now seems to have gotten nothing out of being tudi to the Monkey King except having his friends put in mortal danger & routinely getting the tar beaten out of him from yaoguai who have a grudge against Sun Wukong & having his abandonment issues made worse. There is at this point literally not a single character whose life was made better from the monkey king being in it and many whose lives were objectively made much worse as a direct result of interacting with Sun Wukong. And so far, as others have pointed out, the ONLY TIME we got a flashback from SWK about what happened from his perspective was about him screwing up with the samadhi fire ritual and being responsible for the 4th ring getting created. So at this point, especially since only the audience has gotten the barest glimpse of the torture headband & some hint of what turned the Great Sage Equal to Heaven into what's essentially a perpetual screw-up...like why do any of the other characters, especially the members of SWK's former sworn brotherhood, give a single fig as to whether he lives or dies? Heck it wouldn't surprise me if at least a few of them celebrated SWK getting trapped in ink hell world because A) he's seen as responsible for trapping them in there for thousands of years in the first place B) they've finally dealt with the immortal evil betrayer who was responsible for ruining their lives and being an uncaring heaven's lapdog, and C) now he can't blunder around screwing everything up so badly that all of reality gets put in danger. So you know, SWK in ink hell world is a good thing either way!

IDK, I'm probably being too mean about this. Given the actions of other characters Sun Wukong can't be blamed for everything. Maybe things will later on be explained for why he acts the way he acts in a satisfying manner. But at this point the lego show really does seem to be going out of its way to paint Sun Wukong as someone everyone very justifiably despises, and personally I think if a writer for Monkie Kid felt compelled to go on twitter to try to make the Monkey King hate die down a bit then Flying Bark really needs to have a sit and a think as to why a not insignificant portion of their audience was primed to believe the absolute worst about Sun Wukong!

#monkie kid spoilers #monkie kid #anon answered

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rainy-astrology · 4 months

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thats what baffles me about this whole life thing that we have to unfortunately force ourselves to endure even if we dont want to admit it we are slaves to the broken system. there is so much that we can or should be doing but at the end of it it dont matter once we pass away cause then u be a no body yknow. no one on earth can really say when but i wanna know when... idrc for the whole life is short yolo shtick that was a saying in the mid 00s or whenever. theres only so much u can realistically achieve and if u fail as i have then whats the point in sticking around? why is there no exit button cause i dont want to stick around past the age of 50? the state the world and countries are in is dreadful. people on here are still timid to talk about death but we cant avoid the subject.

Hi anon, are you alright? You sound very stressed and depressed. This is some pretty negative thinking...Especially if you're asking about death and not wanting to live long. "If you fail as I have then whats the point of sticking around?" I'm guessing you base your self worth on success and you haven't met your expectations/goals, so you're already considering yourself a failure and want to quit. You're under 50, so you're still young (and even if you were 50 or older, age can't stop you from reaching your goals) and have plenty of time to achieve all of the things you want. Yes we will all die in the end, but that doesn't mean you should spend the rest of your time doing nothing and being negative. That's a sad way to live. It's also not a reason to want to leave early... There must be something else in this world that you want to live for.

Is there nothing or nobody you value? Life is about the small things too...it's about the people you are with too...do you really want to quit and leave those behind? Even if you don't think you have either, surely you do. Think about it. Reflect deeply. Even if you think you will be insignificant after your death, you will matter to those you're close to, to people you have impacted and care about. I'm sure there's someone who cares about you. The world may not know you, but why do you care about people you don't even personally know.

You can still be successful no matter how many times you've failed. Isn't that what life is? A series of trials and lessons, learning experiences? You don't have to beat yourself up so much over your mistakes and failures. Learn from them, grow from them.

But I get what you're saying though, I think about it a lot actually. The world is in an incredibly depressing state and just seems to get worse each passing minute. Sometimes it does feel like our efforts amount to nothing, especially since we'll die anyway. We really can be doing so much more and run the world in a much different, better way yet we somehow chose some miserable ways...It's completely understandable. I also especially understand with the failure part, but we can't let that eat us up y'know. We only truly fail when we give up completely.

I know you didn't come to me to get some motivational speech or whatever, but I do not want you to wallow in your own sadness. It's ok to be sad and to be depressed, but you shouldn't give up either.

Decided to put your other ask in here as well

Yeah I'm sorry I didn't really have much of an answer for your 1st ask.

Certain times? Like birth times? I don't think there's much to it, it just happens to be the time we're born at. The placements are based on the degree and coordinates of the stars and such at the time iirc.

No, I don't think it does. Nothing in your birth chart or astrology is set in stone. It is simply a guide to help you learn about yourself and what you may want in life, the lessons and experiences you may go through. Plus depending on the type of chart system and astrology system you use, one chart can mean one thing while the other says something else (but there should likely be an overlapping theme between the charts). It's all up to you to make the action and effort to build your own path and life.

#ask #anon #maybe you should consider therapy #sorry i rambled a bit LMAO i hope it makes sense and i hope it is a bit encouraging.#i have been having a bit of brain fog latelg #lately*

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dyketubbo · 3 years

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my ask didnt send i am going to murder. anyway BEEP CLASSPECTING... now im thinking abt that and aimsey. from the top of my head/only briefly thinking, beep as rage or void vibes with me? (obvs not the typical rage player you see, more like the nuance we were discussing). and aimsey as a life player?

oooo void beep would be suuper cool :oc rage too, he is very fucking stubborn and does have outbursts rather often (also rage players in canon usually have connections to magic, and then the homestuck rage players all had religious themes so, god stuff). meanwhile void fits beeps heavy "this is all irrelevant and you could never understand any of this", and his own belief that even what he does just doesnt matter. personality under a veil (not necessarily a facade), fundamental inability to understand and truly perceive it all.

id say he doesnt fit rage enough, if only because rage players are fundamentally about survival instinct, and, well. beeps already dead, and he seems to be perfectly fine with the fact that one day he just wont exist at all. hes not scared, though he is easily pissed off, but in the end he just sort of likes messing with shit and being in control. lil dickhead (affectionate)

honestly, since he almost fits rage but not quite, he.. almost acts like a prince of hope (unfortunate eridan kinnie). destroying beliefs and asserting his reality as the Absolute Truth, dragging others like aimsey into his delusions and being in a situation where aimseys putting her faith into him even though hes not a good person because she feels the need to believe in him and connect with him, because she genuinely feels like hes the only friend they have left, and because aimsey wants desperately to believe in what beep is trying to show her, desperately wants to understand. he shuts down things he believes to be false, to the point where he can make them false by simply destroying the problem.

hes a force of outward destruction, destroying what he believes to be flaws in others. theyre heavily defensive, putting everyone beneath them, believing hes the one thats doing it Right, and ultimately, he believes its his right to control things. he doesnt trust anyone, he reacts to any fear he may have with anger, lashes out, and the "TELL. NO ONE" scene almost showcases beep shattering and hurting aimsey before he steps back and give a quick "sorry!". his arc seems to be leading up to him realizing he can care about aimsey, that he can trust her to believe him and in him, and he seems to be dealing with the concept of trusting aimsey with his beliefs

hes definitely not a general hope player, but specifically prince of hope could fit. onto possible void class combos, with, first, the notable fact that we dont know what kind of person beep may have been in the past, other than that he was destructive. we know about some events in his past, and how he feels about them (kinda), but generally, this means hes very versatile and has many class possibilities, depending on how we want to interpret what we do know.

for example, he could be a maid whose now in the apeshit stage, stubborn and repressive. its entirely possible he got so tired of listening to the other spirits that he got to the unhealthy stage, exploded, and now without anything stopping him, hes doing whatever the fuck he wants, because hes decided none of it matters, that its all irrelevant and he doesnt have to care because its his fucking universe and no one can stop him from playing god. he spends his time doing menial things, because to him, its all equally unimportant, so why not waste time? he cuts down unnecessary tasks, weeds out what he finds useless, etc etc. basically, he should still be independent, but he needs to be brought back down to earth (metaphorically), because hes kind of burnt himself out and is now fucking with things because he feels none of it matters anyways

sylph of void sort of works too, mainly his meddling and tendency to shut down anything that could reveal something he doesnt want revealed, as well as shutting down others viewpoints and he covers up shit whenever he wants. his motivations are, really, mostly unknown to us, other than that he seems to think this is fun. otherwise, he also has a tendency to try and fix things he thinks needs fixing (like getting rid of fairies and space creatures), and will often try to fix mistakes he sees in mortals. however, slyphs are ultimately healers, and beep just. is not a healer, and he doesnt necessarily invite creation of void in any way, since void isnt really destruction of anything, and what he does invite is destruction of things. hes also just too active to be a slyph

so, with the previous prince assession, theres also the possibility of him being a prince of light, which would mean he would act more like a void player. hed destroy light with light, destroy the importance of information with information. they strip away the importance of things, uses plain fact to force the perception that nothings really important. he dismisses the importance of things, purposefully acts ignorant to draw away from what he knows, destroys knowledge itself from a power standpoint (wiping aimseys memory), and in extreme cases, can physically destroy anything in his way, or assert over and over that what he said/did isnt real, that nothings true or important other than what hes saying. again, little shit. if i had to make up my mind, i think prince of light fits the most

as for aimsey, i think life does fit him really well, shes definitely got the similar "girl next door" kind of vibes, while still being really interesting in her own right. she definitely starts out as a typical fictional life player, enthusiastic, energetic, genuine, wanting to effect the world. shes a normal girl (and this isnt an insult, rather, her being so normal ties the magical themes of the bear smp together really well, and its a perfect way to use a life player, make them be a catalyst for both the normal life player and eccentric others to shine). however, as she struggles with losing trust in bear and not being treated well, not having anyone that cares about them specifically, the energy starts to falter, but comes back when they feel the need to be rebellious. notably, while aspects arent super literal, she contrasts beep so much in just how alive she is, which fits her being a life player rather well. except, as i said, aspects arent literal, which means aimsey being a life player translates to her showing what life means in a metaphorical sense.

life is about agency. its about what you do, your ability to do so, its about asserting your will. not what drives you, but simply you doing at all. interesting enough, life players can be hard to pin down because life is about desire and agency, while the players class defines their ideology. life players can become obsessed with an idea that they need to do something, that they need to change how systems work, and often can cloak their want to fulfill their individual desires as altruistic want to fulfill others needs and desires (i.e., aimsey wants a friend and someone who pays attention to her and is genuine towards her, she feels like shes found that in beep, and as such starts to cloak her want to be his friend as aimsey wanting to help beep rather than aimsey themself).

as for said class.. this was, hard. because of how heavily influenced life is by the class its paired with, and because aimseys arc right now is trying to deal with feeling like shes too much and unneeded, it means that i have to really consider how that connects with which classes struggles. so, i ended up with sylph. aimsey is a creator, and she tries to heal as well. "allowing creation/healing of life or inviting creation/healing through life". from a literal standpoint, she tries to help bear heal by trying to get him to open up, to live, to make friends and interact with people. this could almost seem like a blood player move, but while a lot of aimseys arc is about bonds and relationships, shes not really a strong connecter or leader, shes just good at inspiring others to be, to her own detriment.

also notably, unhealthy sylphs crave, whether craving more of their own aspect, or craving another aspect when they feel theirs is not enough. aimsey talks a lot about how she grew up doing things by her lonesome, and now that she feels like people are moving on without her, she may be craving blood (that sounds so awful out of context). she wants attachments, wants to be the person that brings everyone together, but.. she isnt, not in a way thats appreciated. and due to her insecurities, she sees this as a flaw within himself, and as something to fix. so, she latches onto beep, and desperately tries to have as much of an effect on their life as they do on hers. like life players in general, sylphs try to solve their problems under the guise of helping someone else with theirs. currently, aimsey seems to be trying to find what she needs to do, because when she tried to do what she thought she needed to do, she (from her perspective) failed, so now shes trying to make up for her perceived failure within herself by trying to help herself through helping beep. i would think into it even more but i think its probably best to just leave it here KEKW

#angel answers #long post #im afraid to count the paragraphs on this one tbh #i dont think its That Much but it felt like it #beep bsmp #aimsey #bear smp #bsmp classpecting #hs

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strrwbrrryjam · 3 years

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001 zukka, if youd like.

hi! okay, first ask, thank you for asking.

when I started shipping it if I did: ...im going to be completely honest, im new to atla, but not new to tumblr. i actually had a large tumblr that i made when i was fourteen that was dedicated to hetalia. but over the years i got bored of it, so i stopped updating it, i only looked at the blogs i followed and then one day, someone reblogged some zukka fanart, and i loved it. i knew nothing of the characters, but from the looks of each of them and how it followed the classic red-blue gays and representation that i craved as a young lesbian i decided to give it a watch, still in love with a ship i knew nothing about, so imagine my whiplash that i got when they were two people who weren't even friends until the final season, but i never got discoaurged because of all the tension and the parellels and how if either of them were female-male i definitely felt that zukka would be canon and have so much more hype.

my thoughts: im not the best at describing why i love them, but ill try. i love zukka for a lot of reasons, but mostly because... for me relationships are a partnership, you both get benefits from it where you can rely on eachother, where there is a mutual understanding between each other to the point where you know exactly what your lover needs to hear... and sometimes, no matter the mood your in, they are the only ones who can truly make you happy, and thats what i get from zukka. sokka is very much the older sibling, he goes so underappreciated for so long that when piandao tells him he should be proud of who he is and what he can do... he just doesn't believe him. now, this isnt the fault of katara, aang or anyone else, maybe a little bit hakodas fault i mean he literally left a kid with such high expectations of himself to protect the village by himself with what limited training that he had. even when they listen to his ideas, some of which are very much right but have failed to no fault of sokka like walking because appa is too noticable, katara or someone else pokes fun to these ideas for failing miserable, which they may mean in jest, but can still really hurt, so he needs someone to encourage him that sure, maybe this idea has failed, but its just a learning experience. zuko... my god he has trauma. zuko was this sweet and kind and passionate kid born into an environment where he didnt belong and he was abused for everything that he was. ursa while was a safe haven didnt do enough to protect him, as she too was powerless. his sister turned from this sweet and kind sister to someone who quickly realised that being that way makes it impossible to survive so she began to tease and taunt and turn into a mirror of their abuser. while id like to think lu ten was there for the both of them, iroh and lu ten where getting ready for the siege so they were rather busy... and azulon actively wished that ozai kill him, and ozai, fucking ozai man, is there anything else left to be said? once ursa left... everything when down and he was burned and banished for his wish to protect his people. iroh... for all my love of iroh, he doesnt understand zukos intentions or actions, he thinks hes lost his way but... he doesnt see that zuko doesnt want to hunt the avatar, he doesnt want to stay at the tea shop, what he wants is to be home. hes not safe in the watertribes, not safe in the earth kingdom and while he isnt truly safe at home, its his nostalgia(?) and how everything hes used to is at home, its where his mother memory lives... its where his the remnants of his past relationship with azula and where his baby sister is... its as safe as a home they could get. he knows people doesnt like him and he while isnt okay with it, nothing matters more than getting home. which isnt a good reason for his literally capturing of a twelve year olds, fourteen year old and fifteen year olds, but... it is for him, hes sixteen, still a kid, like the one hes chasing and he doesnt realize that the home he hopes for isnt what he thinks it is, at least not anymore. that his father doesnt love him, that his sister is no longer the sweet kid that she used to be and she too was abused, that his mum is no longer around anymore and he doesnt have a happy life or a happy family. he repeatedly doesnt listen to iroh because iroh doesnt get it. iroh grew up loved and cherished and praise while zuko doesnt, he grows up hated with no chance of change, he... is very much an asshole and doesnt listen to anyone, but hes trying in season 3. and then... the boiling rock happens. my god, its... like my favourite episodes. sokka feels like he has to go alone because he felt like he failed, its his responsiblity, it was his mistake despite the fact that it wasnt, that there were many, many adults who it the fault could fall onto, and the fact that the odds were stacked against them completely, but sokka being who he is, still feels responsible, but wants to go alone. except, zuko wont let him, he understands sokka, because thats what hes felt like his whole life. hes

always felt like a failure, not being able to protect his sister, not being able to protect himself so he knows what sokka is going to do, and, forces himself onto the journey. its awkward, at first, because of course it is i mean this is the guy who was chasing you for half a year and was inadvertidely responsible to two of your closest friends deaths/near-deaths. but once they get past this awkwardness, the banter very much starts when they land. and zuko. zuko who never asked for someones opinion, looks to sokka for guidance and listens and encourages sokka. for me boiling rock is peak sokka for how well he plans. sokka is able to express himself and talk and give advice and when his plan fails, zuko is there to help him through it and see it with a different perspective, and they just... the trust, its there. its already there despite how much it shouldnt be. it just works so well and then sokka defends zuko to hakoda and finally hakoda tells him what he should of and... its up from there. they are just there for each other and its... wonderful. they are both absolutely miserable people but... they make each other happy. it happens so fastly too and its just absolutely wonderful.

What makes me happy about them: honestly, i just wrote what makes me happy about them and how much i love them in the above question.

What makes me sad about them: god. how complicated it will be in the actual universe and how they will have to spend most of their lives seperate from each other. ive mentioned before that im a romantic at heart and it hurts, because despite how realistic it will be to have them seperated for most of their early religion, i mean... zuko will have to stay in the firenation despite how much it isnt home for him anymore and sokka is able to move from the southern watertribe to the northern air temple and to the firenation... so id like to think that when izumi comes around, the soon travel together, as by the time izumi is around, things are getting settled and zuko doesnt need such a close eye on everything.

things done in fanfic that annoys me: listen... i dont have anything that really annoys me, except when they play into babified(?) versions of each other, (zuko beng too soft-boy and sokka... being to "daddy" if thats the correct word.) but what bothers me is the lack of sokka-comfort, all of them have trauma. sokka, too. i love zuko. hes... just my favourite/comfort character and someone who i relate to so much, hes just... ive never related to someone more than zuko, but zukka is a more mutual relationship than anything, and i wish we had more fics dealing with sokkas trauma too.

things I look for in fanfic:

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: okay, okay, okay, for zuko, i have many, i just think zuko and sokka both have extreme pretty boy privilege, and while zuko doesnt realize the effortless charm and how pretty he is, sokka most definitely does and uses it to his advantage. so... maiko, jinko, (platonic/relationship) zutara, jetko and sukka. listen. i love yue and sokkas relationship, but they had such a short time together that i could never really ship them. i think sokka mourns her and it is very valid for doing so but i always felt that he mourned his friend and what their relationship could of grown into. also i am a diehard yueki fan.

My happily ever after for them: that they grow hold together, and are able to see their children, (yes, i said children, as in izumi, varrick and senna with trans!zuko) grow and change the world and have their own families.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: dude. dude i dont know. i want them both to be held. i want both little spoon zukka and big spoon zukka. weighted blanket zukka. all zukka sleeping positions. i like to think that like me the both of them cannot stay still while they sleep, they wake up in each others arms but end up at the foot of the bed or something.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: god... everything, picnics, roadtrips, reading together, stargazing, sharing letters... just as long as they are their together everything is their favourite activity as they spent most of their youth and twenties and possibliy early thirties separate from each other.

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generouscoffeelove · 3 years

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THE UNASSEMBLED WORDS

Things not always go your way they never even stay the same but you can make your mind to go with the flow u can make yourself to work within the things but sometimes it's hard to face the reality sometimes you are not ready to accept the situation, we all are never mature enough that we cant cry crying makes your mind healthy but overthinking only leads to depression and stress. People will say whatever will come in their mind but it's not always necessary to carefully listen to their opinions.

When you are determined to achieve something and deep down you know that the path you chose is right for you then no one can divert our mind from those guts. People will depress you, they will tell you that u r wrong and their opinions are right bcz they can't see a person becoming more successful than they themselves. Nowadays no one is more sincere to you than your parents, not even your relatives.

Sometimes I think about the day when I will achieve my dreams but then what if I have no more plans to move on ? what if i get the person i love but what after that ? as i will be near to it i will forget the hurdles and all the things i lost on the path towards my goal. Man is greedy, his requirements can never be completed bcz he wants more & more. If u want to get to ur dreams u have to listen to yourself only u dont care about the people and even if u hurt them u have no problem but then comes the deceiving part where u think that following your dreams might separate your family from u this fear of losing someone really special in ur life makes ur way turn back. I think it's the law of life u cant live happily if the people around u r sad. A person like me sometimes thinks that leave everything and go get whatever u want but in the end u have to come back. U will never forget where u belong and thats how u feel the existence of love.

The first love relations with you are of the same blood. But how can u fall for someone so badly ? How can you love someone out there in this world more than those people who raised you ? This love can be of two types. The love relation with Allah and secondly the other with one of his people. How weird it is to think that we pray to get someone else in our lives instead of praying to get Allah’s affection. To be honest, pray for it and you will get the things you love automatically even if you love someone so badly. First put this in your mind that excess of everything is bad. It's only Allah who will give u everything and will never upset u but the people around u can love u the most but can also give u the pain that u cant bear.

Everything happens for good. Maybe someone in your past who deceived you was there by Allah’s choice to make you strong and to make you prepared that nobody is there with you forever. People will always stay in search to get ur weak points but staying close to Allah will hide all of those mistakes on ur side which u made unexpectedly or even if u knew u should pray to be forgave and he will forgive u try to pray from the core of your heart. Nothing is more peaceful than crying in sujood bcz that is the moment when u feel hopeless and u dont have words to describe the society around u that how u feel. I faced a lot of times when i was compared and i was insulted but all i used to do was to stay silent and secretly in the heart say “ Ya Allah u should answer them”. Sometimes its good to stay quiet bcz the silence makes the people go crazy. The silence is breaked automatically by Allah. He himself shows the people that u were wrong.

Not always u have to stay silent but when u r being doubted for a wrong reason or the person saying is crossing the limits listen 3 times but the 4th time smack his face. Bcz they deserve it. From my perspective rules should be for everyone, and the strictness u faced should also be embossed on the coming kids. It's not right to scold or insult someone in the middle where everyone is sitting bcz it makes you stressed and this is the fact where suicidal thoughts start to enclave even a young mind. I dont why im even writing this but the point is that i really don't want anyone to interfere in our lives and not even to scold us bcz they dont live with us they don't face the things we are facing right now, they cant live a week with us but after all they are right and they will never like to meet a person with empty pockets. To every individual on this planet earth, money is everything and money can buy happiness even. People will embrace you till the day u have money but the day u fall a little they will not even ask that are u ok or do u need any help.

Life will change so will the people but the real face of people can only be seen when you stand in a tough time and they turn their backs away from you. We lived a great past life, we went to restaurants, we ate mcdonalds and shopped etc. so what everybody does when they have money. People should really look into themselves and then say a word to other people. At the end i would like to share a small verse with huge meaning from Quran that:

In surah alam nashra

“Beshak har mushkil ke baad asani hai”

“Indeed after every hard time there’s good time”

People will stay with you till you are useful to them. the day u fall in need of help, some will help u only those who were sincere to u maybe it can be those people whom u never even noticed or they were not even in priority but they stand with u, they come into your life as angels. Because you wanted them and they were to be in your life by the grace of Allah.

As you grow up u learn through experiences u learn to stand after crawling but not at once u fall u cry and then u get up, u stand at ur own. As a kid, u are learning actually u are learning throughout your life; from people and mistakes. U are not living until u fail.

U learn to live through love and failures. Love is the road which can give u the best memories to laugh and cry on, but the bumps can give u those bruises and wounds which will heal but the pain will last forever. The time is cruel after u lose someone u love, and even more when the loved one becomes part of your routine. U cannot live without food as well as love. It's easy to console the broken person but it's not possible to feel the pain as that person is feeling. During this time the emotions are at level best of depression and stress if u cant be nice to them then better stay away bcz they can even harm themselves.

Love is very important in life. If u love someone but can’t tell bcz of some fear.

The fear can be of being rejected or it can be the matter of pride. The matter of our reputation is very sensitive, especially for a girl. A small mistake can break the entire reputation which was made from long and hard work. But people will only bring up the flaws bcz they need a topic to talk on. More importantly,the thing that matters is peace with the reputation u hold, if u have reputation and money but u still feel alone u are not fine.

The hardest part in life is to live without the person whom you cry for days and nights but you can't tell bcz u are afraid of losing the reputation u hold. It's not wrong but it's killing u deep inside. U keep smiling but its only breaking you. It's funny cuz u are ruining yourself. Less to be worried bcz u are being destroyed by love. The part that hits hard and it's all about fate. Being compared to a less experienced person is bad bcz u know that the person hasn't faced any of the circumstances as u did.

“A dream is a wish that your heart makes”

For loving someone you don't have to be perfect. U dont have to change yourself bcz u know that person will accept u no matter what. This is the belief that love brings into our soul. Love happens; it never asks you who I should be with. It's the beauty and the magic of eyes which makes u staring. A fact says that if a person misses you they appear in your dream and if you think about someone alot it means that person was thinking about you first. I believe a lot in these facts bcz they happen a lot. The real fun and peace in love is by burning in the fire of awareness. U keep waiting for the other person to make a move but what to do if the other person is waiting for u.

Okay, I know I'm talking rubbish right now. It's currently 3:14 a.m. and I'm unable to sleep. I'm not in the mood to write in my diary so it's better to keep on writing to keep yourself busy. Life is not in the mood to study all i want to do is to explode up and cry i know why but tears seem to be dried and i no longer have emotions my mind just wants to fall into midnight in a deep conversation with myself or with a trustworthy my heart seems to beat for some reasons that keep giving me the same tensions which i want to remove. It feels like my soul is whirling like a storm. I don't know what to do to scream or to cry or to stay awake or sleep. Sometimes i just want to stay up and think about my future and the choices I'm making but i don't have leisure time.

Hard times will not stay with you forever but at every point of ur life they will make u realize that don't forget where u belong and what u survived in ur past. U can never forget your past bcz ur weakness makes u strong. It's better not to expect alot from people. They can bring u disappointment only or a bit of what u were expecting. U cant eat when ur hands are tied u have to make a move to eat and feed your hunger nobody else is going to do this for you.

Be independent. It's an easy sentence with two words to say but it requires all of your life to be courageous enough to face the coming hurdles. U are going to face many challenges .

“if ur life got harder congratulations !! u just leveled up”.

Smile even if there are 1000 reasons not too but this time during these days it seems to me as if I'm the shining star alone in the sky where clouds are trying to dull my spark but i keep shining the clouds hide me but then i come back. The mechanism of nature also teaches you many lessons of life. If you think deeply, the sun teaches you that after every dusk there is dawn. The sky can't show the glitter of stars without night. The moon tells you it's good to go through phases. The black clouds teach u that when u are loaded after going through many stages its ok to let everything pour out through tears. The average rain can bring happiness to the beings on earth they will feel calm but if it rains more than normal it destroys the belongings of human.Similarly, if we cry normally it freshens our mind but the excess of it leads to depression and damage of internal conditions and peace.

“Excess of everything is bad”

I don't know when girls felt peaceful in their lives, enjoyed and cherished the most beautiful moments of their lives. All the time they have to worry about something even if it's health,dressing,family,friends or some sort of harassment. She cant feel free to live. Talking to a male about life and studies is a crime and is considered something related to flirting and to be feel ashamed on. Something for which the parents can't speak on if they want to. The people thinking in this way for someone's daughter should think that in future they will also have daughters and what if this will happen to them. If today you consider someone else your daughter or sister honestly u have a peaceful and beautiful future.

But if u see girls as some material to be used and thrown u were born to be wrong then even if u say urself muslim or human look at ur habits and inner person it is more worse than animal. You have to change yourself first to change the people around you.

#blogs posts depression stress anxiety health mentalhealth blacklivesmatter umatter 13reasonswhy faultinourstars teenblogs

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oh-theatre · 4 years

Text

Just A Remnant Now

A/n: lmao this is so bad im so sorry,,, lmaooo ITS SO BAD

TW: Death, spirit, spit, farting, destroy, pain, graphic descriptions, ANGST, no happy ending

“Im sorry Remus I cant talk to you right now, its been months and I cant figure out where this spirit energy is coming from” Logan huffs. “Tomorrow is my presentation and if i have nothing to show for it my entire funding, this project crumbles” He rambles. Remus follows him, his feet carry a sweet lightness as he listens.

“What will they do with the spirit or ghost?” Remus questions, sitting on one of the cold benches focusing hard as he fiddles with something in his hand. A cold breeze as Logan snatches the tool away from him. “Hmph” Remus pouts

“My guess? Ill get a whole team of scientists! A whole new lab with facilities and so much more! And ill tear it apart and study every aspect” Logan beams, the glint in his eye sickened Remus.

“So you'll kill it?” Remus scoffs “Seems kinda brutal”

“No ill just...take it apart to...examine its..origins and what it can do and...its a ghost what does it matter Remus?” Logan inquires, typing viciously away at his keyboard.

“They still have feelings, their sensories are there!” Remus argues, feeling his face flush. “The way you plan to tear them apart is inhumane! Its against their will Logan, they are still forms of living.

“They are, in every sense of the word, not Remus. They are dead, figments of what used to be. They cant feel pain, or emotion, they are a remnant” Logan explains

“They are more than that! Lo you're not listening!” Remus stands now, Logan could be intimidating but Remus towered over the scientist.

“Im not listening because you don't know what youre talking about” Logans cold glare would pierce anyone but not Remus. “You're just my engineer.” He spits

Though i wish we could be more, both think in unison through their frustration.

“They have the memories of their old life, they have feelings, they have feelings of the world they must traverse through now as a spirit. They develop feelings, emotions, memories and more. They travel through to the middle ground between living and dead. If they accept it, they move on but some choose to stay!” Remus finishes, his breath cold as it spits on Logan. “Some don't have a choice! Some are tethered! But they aren't just ghosts Logan. They live in the now, through whatever means. Tearing them apart with my molecular design would kill them, and every ounce of pain felt would hurt just as much as it would to you.” Remus finishes, his body shakes, he tries his best to keep solid to the ground.

“You've developed emotions for these things” Logan rolls his eyes. His judgment was not missed. “And if im not mistake, its your device Remus” Logan reminds

“You're right...it is” He turns to where the device sits immaculate, his design perfect. Such as the mad genius he was. He took his work in his hands, feeling every ounce of metal and wiring that was in it. Then, in the flash of an eye, the machine crashed. It fell to the ground with the force of anger, Logans shock and frozen state was unmissable as the pieces clattered around the ground.

“What have you done” He whispers viciously. Remus stands triumphant feeling the pain inside.

“What I should have done as soon as I made it” Remus sighs.

“Why do you care so deeply for these things! You have no idea what they are or what they do!” Logan yells, his voice echoes through the lab.

“For how smart you are.. youre so fucking dumb Logan!” Remus argues back. “For months the same spiritual energy has been popping up on your monitor! You couldn't put two and two together?” He smirks. “You really think after your failed convention last year they would send you an engineer?”

“What are you saying” Logan breathes

“You're so dumb Logan!” Remus swipes an angered hand across the table, tools crash to the ground.

“Stop calling me that” Remus’s accusations had cut deep.

“You call me that at least once every hour!” The continue arguing, it hurts each of them more than can be described. Each new insult is a breach to the relationship they had built up over the past year. Finally Remus couldn't keep it in anymore. “Im the spirit Logan!”

the silence that fell through the lab was piercing.

“I didn't want to move on because fuck closure, so i found you. I liked what you were doing...or at least what i thought you were doing. But once i had built the machine i could have left...but I liked you Logan. Plus you hadn't found a spirit! I thought hey maybe this will be the final piece of the puzzle...” Logans speechless breaths were terrifying. Remus cant help but reach out, he focuses allowing his hands to solidify. He takes Logans hands. “Watch” He instructs, after a quick thought Logans hands fall through Remus’s hold.

“no no” He tries desperately to grasp to Remus, he wants to feel his hands. “No no lies lies all of it” He spirals, Remus just watches knowing this was inevitable. Remus feels a tug at his heart, he works quickly and the machine is one again. Logan remains at his desk, murmuring nonsense.

“Lo?” Remus for all his chaos, had the softest voice. “Take me...to the demonstration tomorrow” he offers. Logan looks up finally, his eyes red from thoughts. “I was just another chess piece for your game, just use me...i don't think i wanna stay around much longer anyway” He sighs.

“No Remus. We have to stop this project.”

“what?” Remus barely breathes.

“I was wrong...I was wrong and so misguided.” Logan admits, he has no idea if his next move would work but he takes Remus hands feeling a warmth as they stay solid in his hold. “You were never a piece...but I was wrong. Because they can feel, you feel...and I feel you” He moves a hand to Remus cheek. Logan had never seen this energetic bumble of ‘not safe for work’ jokes and buzzing laughter so...tired. And it was his fault. “You feel pain and joy and sadness and-”

“Love” Remus adds, Logan holds back his desperation.

“I was truly an idiot, I was so focused on not looking like a failure I forgot my true goal. To discover and explore...not destroy” Logan sighs “I wanted to learn, but i let that go and became this”

“You dont wanna...destroy?” Remus cant quite wrap his head around it.

“No god. I wanted to understand! But i let the success and money get to me. And i lost sight of who I was. You arent a danger...you are a miracle” He smiles ever so slightly. “SOmething I love so much is not worth destroying” He states

“Love?” Remus feels himself relax.

“So..so much” Logan says

“Hah you're in love with a ghost” Remus teases, Logan sighs with a giggle and a playful eye roll.

“I still have the machine remus” Logan threatens with a grin. Remus steps back and gasps his collar.

“How dare thee!” He cries ever so mockingly. “I thought you cared”

“Woe is you” He laughs quickly pulling Remus into a kiss.

Yeah its weird, but so intriguing. He expected a cold chill but received warmth in Remus’s embrace.

They canceled the demonstration and gracefully stepped away. Years passed and Logan desperately tried to find a solution, he wanted Remus to stay, to be here in all his physical form. But on a quiet fall night, Remus was sprawled across the couch trying to dunk cheese balls into his mouth. Logan sat at his work bench concocting as he did. Logan had had his doubts over the years, Remus was a ghost. But Remus explained that the longer he was on earth he felt tethered a developed a physical form. He wasn't a human but he wasn't a ghost, almost a third party but he was real.

But he was fading.

And Logan worked tirelessly to find out what he could do. He had consulted with Virgil and Patton, two scientists who had done great strides for the world of science. He constantly worked alongside Janus but to no avail. Remus was fading, he would have to go soon. Remus didn't mind, all he tried to do was comfort his partner but Logan, for as smart as he was, was in deep denial.

But this fall night, as a cheesy treat fell into Remus’s mouth his image flickered. This caught Logans eye from his work.

“Remus?” He rushed over watching Remus sit up straight. The flickers were slow before they became full glitches and constantly. “No i need more time. Surely.” He could feel his tears coming.

“Promise me youll find someone? Whos maybe not a farting ghost” Remus shrugs, Logan shakes his head, this wasnt the time for jokes. “Logan you knew this was coming. Also lets be honest, it was weird im a ghost”

“You're not though! You're a tethered!” He cries

“Guess my tether snapped” Remus sighs. He wanted to spend these last few moments in sweet bliss but instead, in true Logann fashion, he was arguing. “Come cuddle me you obnoxious man” He pouts

He knows its a joke but the sadness in Remus’s eyes finally catches up to the scientist. He obliges sitting with Remus. They do cuddle, and Remus finally lets go. His tears are soft and he doesnt think much but he doesnt know whats going to happen next.

“You should get a dog” He sniffles, Logan laughs dryly stroking the messiest hair he had ever known. “Also Janus totally likes you” Remus wasnt oblivious to the way Janus looked at Logan. But he didn't mind, Logan was his...but he wanted his partner to be happy once he was gone.

“Perhaps, but let me just...let me mourn alright?” Logan asks

“Fine, but promise me you wont mourn forever, please?” He holds up his pinky, Logan rolls his eyes but promises either way. Remus leans up a tad to kiss Logans cheek. “Lets just sit here ok?” He requests, Logan grants it. “I love you Logie” He knows that only he is allowed to call him such a name. They sit in silence, feeling the heartbeats and warmth. Every intimate move felt so careful.

“I love you so much” He says after a moment of silence, he awaits a response but looks down to see Remus was no longer there. A small gasp as he takes to his chest. This is what it felt like, so much pain. They never conducted the experiments but as he clutched his heart and sobbed loudly he imagined this was close enough.

#intrulogical #logan sanders #remus sanders #sanders sides #write #writing #youtube #angst #no happy ending #thomas sanders #fanfic #fic #fanfiction

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mental-health-advice · 3 years

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Hi! Im 21 now, and ive come too finally start too put my mental health first and set boundries with when im feeling depressed, anxious etc. Since i didnt do that in my teens and i can see mo hownit affects me greatly; like how lost i was and how i would try too please everyone and sometimes act a certain way cause i thought it would make people like me or it was normal etc. And i have a few close friends, and i enjoy being with them and all that. But is it normal too finally realise that you now enjoy being alone more ? Also that you arent as close as you used too be as teens and maybe growing and changing also effects that but youre still friends? (I hope that makes sense). I’m trying too be more open with them with how i used too feel in the past and now about my mental health and how i felt/feel, so they can understand me better. And im still anxious too talk too them about my feelings and also lettinf them know how i want too forget some of my past because the reminders cause me too get triggered and have obssessive ruminating thoughts that are negative and make me think i am a bad person. And this includes asking them if i can delete photos/videos of myself from back then off their phones because i dont feel comfortable with them and how thinking about it is making me anxious, do you have any advice for how too do that?. Also i know that back then in my early/middle teens when like one or two people hurt me it did cause me too be a bit bitter and also effect my mh so sometimes i would then be bitter towards them after (which now i feel awful and guilty for) and take out those insecurities that were hit. — i know people say past mistakes, especially in your teens dont define who you are now and that you can forgive yourself, recognise them and how they were regretful or wrong and move on but i cant seem too stop obssesive over negative ruminating thoughts that im a bad person etc. And im beating myself up so much about it. And i think im making it seem worse then it is cause im now stuck in this depressive anxiety mode from it all, and im really trying too calm myself down and distract mysef. But its like i cant rememeber how i used too think before all this anxiety and stuff, and i cant ground myself or distract myself. And i think its probably because i havent talked too my friends or my sister either (who i love and feel comfortable with ) yet and got it off my chest. And i know i have too wait until they are free too meet up and all this but the longer it is the worse all my anxiety gets :( and i just want too control it and feel normal before i finally get too see and talk too them, Im trying too be gentle with myself but its hard. Sorry if this is long! I have a lot more anxieties and stuff i have too get off my chest and will probably put it in another ask. It feels lighter already too write this out and i am looking forward too all your advice and words😊 thank you for this blog and helping people!

Hey there,

Choosing to set boundaries with friends, with anyone really, is a really big step. Sometimes it can take people their whole life to realise how important making and having boundaries in place with people can be!

As we grow older and leave school, it is to be expected that we will move on from some friends, make new ones, and sometimes even grow further apart or closer to those people we grew up with. This all depends on our lives and interests and how things change for us, the directions we take in life and how they may differ from those we grew up with from our childhood or throughout our schooling. It is also normal that as we grow up we may prefer to be alone more than what we once were and this is completely normal and you are definitely not alone with this!

It can be so hard to learn to let others in no matter how much we want to and especially when sharing something with them that is so personal like our mental health struggles and how we are feeling or have felt in the past. I totally get that somethings that you went through in your past, you just want to forget, I think we all have some of those moments and I know it will be hard but can you just be honest as much as you feel comfortable with your friends? Maybe just by telling them that some of the past photos and videos of you that have been taken, that you are no longer comfortable with them and if they could please delete them. A good friend will listen to you and will not ask questions or make you give them an explanation as to why. A good friend will just be there for you and listen to you when/ if you want to talk and I think that if you do this then it will define just who your good friends are and who isn’t. Unfortunately you cannot make someone delete anything off of their phones but it’s completely OK and in your right to ask them too. Does that make sense?

When we have things that have happened in our past, whether they be good or bad, inflicted upon us by another person or not, it can be difficult to move on from those experiences and be OK with them. Yes you are right in saying that your past doesn’t define you, but you can use your past experiences to help you make better decisions for you in the present moment and your future and so maybe you could look at things from a different perspective? For example, use past mistakes to help you learn from them and not make the same mistakes again, grow from those mistakes to help make you a stronger and better person because of it. Does that make sense? Yes the ruminating thoughts may still be there, but if you try to look at things a little bit differently and use these ruminating thoughts to your advantage then maybe just maybe they won’t bother you as much or take up as much time in your head? Just something to think about!

I do not think that you are being a terrible person at all, I just think that you have been through a lot in your life and that now it’s all just getting to be a little too much and overwhelming as you are finding. I think this because you use to find it easier to distract yourself, calm your thoughts and to use grounding techniques. So maybe it’s time to go back to basics and go from there? Doing this doesn’t mean that you are weak or a failure, it simply just means that you have a lot going on right now and sometimes we all need some extra help and guidance to help us to get back to where we want to be in life.

When it comes to calming yourself down a good first step is to try to control your breathing and slow it down. We actually have a page on calming anxiety and panic which I encourage you to take a look at as it has a lot of helpful hints and different techniques on it. We also have a page on different grounding techniques which you can check out by clicking here. When you are in a better headspace then you will find that using different distractions will become a little bit easier, we just need to get you to that calm, better head space which I am hoping those above pages will help you to do.

It can be hard to do the above though when you have anxieties or stressors over not being able to see or catch up with friends or your sister. I can imagine that this may be made even hard with the pandemic. Can you call them though or shoot them a txt message? I know it isn’t the same as seeing them face-to-face but it may just be enough to help decrease some of your anxiety. What do you think? Also it’s important to know that when you do see them finally, just be yourself. They won’t care if you are anxious or are not doing the best, they will accept you for simply who you are and will be wanting to support you and be there for you because they care.

I really hope that all of this has helped a bit and please do send us in another Ask if you need to and of course let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going OK!

Take care,

Lauren

#mha-lauren #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #anonymous #boundaries #friends #anxiety #depression

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hominginstinct · 3 years

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Ayo I read your essay and I hope you don't mind addition but IMO, I dont think Phillip and Roland are supposed to be parallel or Roland seeing himself in Phillip. Phillip's entire theme seems to just be him accepting his sorrow and sadness and act upon said sadness, this is reflected even in his corrupted Distortion form where Argalia noted that "poor thing, he just wants to cry" rather than a burning anger like with Xiao or Roland. Arguably the part of embracing sorrow could stretch to Roland since that man also has that things going on but ultimately they went on a complete different direction as character for me to feel said parallel imo which maybe for the best

And I think Roland kinda just generally allergic to the general mindset of "I sacrifice other people/myself for the better good" in general which said mindset is spoon fed to us before the Wedge Office reception which is understandable since the entire working of the Wings and the City is also just sacrificing people for humanity advancement which he himself loathes and has been hint to even be a victim of it one or few time so it would explain why he would not take well to Phillip without having to feel related to him honestly

yeah no i totally appreciate the addition! i don't necessarily disagree with your points. unlike xiao or yan, philip doesn't directly parallel roland or angela. but i do think he's still representative of roland, especially because he's part of the ensemble.

the rest of the post is under a read more because this one's even longer (and also quotes a few passages). also i'm gonna refrain from talking about the songs because that would turn into an entire essay of its own. warning for endgame spoilers under the cut.

the members of the ensemble all represent some aspect of roland (and the trauma of the city in general): deception (pluto), alienation (elena), a loss of control (jae-heon), conformity (eileen), his "that's how the world works" attitude (tanya), and so on. the sephirot represent an opposing point of view on the beliefs held by the ensemble members.

philip himself is juxtaposed against malkuth, who feels that she's responsible for, well, everything. believing that she would be helping carmen and the experiments, she only accelerated the lab's demise. being resurrected in lobotomy corporation makes her feel like she has to atone for her sins, but that only leads to covering up her guilt by adapting a "weakness is death" mentality. after her meltdown, malkuth finds the will to face her past, to see her mistakes for what they are and learn from them. meanwhile, what philip wants is to live in a world where he wouldn't feel desire or loss. a world without greed, where he wouldn't be hurt in the pursuit of happiness. a world without history, where he wouldn't have to confront his past or his mistakes.

in general, philip is set up as a foil to xiao. they both deal with very similar topics, like love, survivor's guilt, and greed/loss, but their situations end very differently. roland does directly resemble xiao, and his connection to philip is a lot more abstract (his agony is abstract and enormous, after all). i don't think philip is meant to really parallel roland in his entirety, but to instead represent roland's history and future, the conflict inside him, his choices.

at the end, his despair and greed could consume and distort him entirely, forever cutting off his potential for change. once he kills angela in his bad ending, he's just an empty husk with a gaping void -- there's nothing left of him but his sorrow. alternatively, he could let go of his grudges and make the choice he wants to, selfishly "abandoning" angelica so that he can move forward, like xiao did.

with regards to wedge office, i do agree that he's probably talking about the city, rather than thinking about his own motivations. however, i also feel that the distinction doesn't necessarily matter. from the wedge office pre-battle cutscene:

Roland: Few things are as dangerous and nasty as selfishness in the guise of “for the sake of someone else”…

Angela: I think I know what you mean. The determination to work for the good of others can be a dreadful and loathsome weapon.

Angela: Especially if one strongly believes that the justice they’re pursuing is worth sacrificing for…

Angela: They’re blinded by self-righteousness, and have no regards for their surroundings. They don’t care what happens to others.

Angela: They justify themselves for pressing forward pursuing their justice, crushing everything in their way…

Roland: Wow… This might be the first time we understood each other for real. I’m touched, man.

angela is definitely talking about ayin here, but ayin's cruelty is all she's ever known. she doesn't know how to live without hurting and taking things from others. roland is in pretty much the exact same situation in relation to the city. he despises the city and the cruelty it runs on, but he doesn't know anything else. that's the exact reason the ensemble exists in the first place; the city is structured to inflict trauma on its inhabitants, and they're forced to inflict trauma on others to survive.

roland is dangerous, nasty, and selfish, all in the name of someone else. up to this point, he's been making the excuse that he's living for someone else, telling himself that he's getting revenge for angelica's sake. he turns a blind eye towards his own feelings and mistakes, and tells himself that he's nothing like philip -- that's that, and this is this, after all. ironically, that only makes him more like philip.

i don't think he consciously recognizes philip as being anything like him. i do think that his hatred for himself and his hatred for the city are essentially the same thing. what philip's going through reminds him of his own guilt and trauma, of the ugliness of the city -- the same ugliness that festers within himself.

furthermore, angela knowing exactly what he's talking about, roland remarking that they see eye-to-eye for once... that one feels a lot different after roland's speech after the black silence fight:

Roland: A dimwitted egoist whose sight is limited by their own selfishness… A proper fool chasing after immediate results…

Roland: That’s what you are. And who I am…

Roland: The same logic that dictates us was bound to be our downfall one day…

Roland: If we really cared for ourselves… Neither of us should have made this choice.

Roland: It won’t last long that way… Being selfish isn’t about keeping an eye on yourself and nothing else.

Roland: We had to take a good look at the things around us and engrave them in our hearts.

Roland: Everything is interlinked, after all…

and sorry for pulling out philip's ensemble page again, but i do think that it beautifully describes the true ending, for both roland and angela.

Even the failures and misery of the past were all part of the voyage leading up to this moment, so I'm thankful that I managed to achieve something for once. I might have drowned in my own tears and sorrow back then, but ultimately, I'm grateful for the choice I made… and all the things in the world.

all this has really just been a messy and long-winded way of saying: that's this, and this is that. but hey, this game's all about the journey, right? hopefully this was an interesting read at least, haha.

#lor stuff #REALLY hoping this is comprehensible #lor sucked out my brain and replaced it with spaghetti noodles #i wanted to talk about yan in this too but that's an endless rabbit hole #sorry this took so long anon

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oikawa13 · 3 years

Text

love in the time of köttbullar

Shouyou sets the bowl on the tiny table with a flourish and an itadakimasu! and this is when it hits Atsumu harder than a Skurup to the temple:He wants this. Shouyou, hip cocked against the miniature kitchen countertop, smiling shyly up at Atsumu through the amber fan of his lashes, beautiful god-boy-man somehow glowing gold even under the buzzy LED lighting. Though they’re standing in a 430,000 square foot warehouse in Tsurumachi, Atsumu’s looking at Shouyou, and he’s home.

Amid the Flärdfull and the Smörboll, Miya Atsumu falls a little more in love.

words: 3,378 | rating: T

i’ve never been inside an ikea so this fic quite literally changed me as a person. sometimes loving a person is as scary as saying that first i love you!!!! and sometimes... love is easy as saying i love you at an ikea ; ;

LAUNCHING MERRILY DOWN THE PATH OF SIN (THE FIRST TIME)

"Bokuto said I should bring you home. But I don’t know where you live. So I took you here.”

“To hell?”

"No, Atsumu-san. To my apartment."

words: 1,990 | rating T

i wake up in the middle of the night thinking about this fic and then go on ao3 to reread it again its just so fdjgfhdjf good. i think about this shoyo a lot. theres something!!!! very dreamy going on here. this is the first part to a series btw, you can read them all if you want since theyre probably all around 1k :-)

lord i no longer believe in anything but the way he holds my name between his teeth

The miracle of the rabbit on the moon.

“We took this photo at their seventh birthday party. His father baked a cake. But someone ate all the jellybeans off the top before they could even sing the birthday song. That’s why Atsumu cried. He used to cry a lot. It stopped when the twins found out about volleyball, but before that Atsumu would cry over everything. Spilled milk. A skinned knee. The neighbor’s dog. He was the twin that was scared of paper straws. It's funny how things have changed.

“He looks happier now. Did you do that?”

words: 10,456 | rating: T

so, this goes just a liiiiitle past 10k so its up to you if you want to read it or not, i just thought i’d include it since its so! close! lol theres this part!!!!! they are holding hands underneath the table!!!!!!!!! atsumu are you drunk?!!! no!!!!! hes just so stupidly in love with shoyo. i cant stand them!!!!!!!!!!!

wait for it, wait for it

The notifications are up at 100+ again and Hana wants to check it quickly to make sure nothing's wrong, especially because she'd just cleared them before the media scrum. The fans, she figured, must be overjoyed with the win.Congratulations MSBY Nation!!! the first reply reads. #myspiker #atsuhinaBoth tags, she finds, are currently trending in Japan.

Five times #atsuhina trended on volleyball Twitter and one time it should have (but luckily didn't), as told by the MSBY Black Jackals' junior publicist

words: 6,043 | rating: T

this fic is SOOOOO much fun!!!!!! also i love hana, idk if i ever mentioned that before but yeah. this is like... hdjkdhgjfd so much ; ; <3

south of an early summer

Warmth, then, was being wanted back. Two weeks later, Atsumu holds that warmth in by Shouyou’s waist; he watches it, how it sleeps, and wonders what the heat will become next.

words: 2,602 | rating T | tw: atsumu being atsumu about (past) kg/hn for a split second

IF i wasnt an absolute fool and gave you all these recommendations to pick and choose from id just send you this and the walking emoji bc honestly!!!!!!!!! i may not know what the heck romantic means but i see this and maybe it is romantic! maybe its not the average romantic idk?!!!! but i do know theres something beautiful here. love ?? ; ;

truths in two’s

Shouyou leaves for Brazil in two hours.

words: 8,300 | rating: T

LDR.... but like, in probably one of the easiest 2 breathe/good feeling fic for ldr!!!! idk im a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ten reasons to break up with me: a love letter

1. It has to be you, ‘cause I won’t.

words: 4,197 | rating: T

pls....... i cant even THINK about this fic without crying okay!!!!!!!! insane. fuckign!!!! i love it so much, so much. it lives in my heart. this is the fic where i was like... i dont believe in love. yes i do. no<3 YES!!!!!!!! and cried and paced my room and finally FINALLY!!!!!! stopped feeling so hurt about hinata leaving for brazil again lmao!! like, i cant explain. this sounds crazy right???? anyway, i think... atsuhina can love each other so much it hurts when theyre apart but their love is so.... i mean......... they literally waited years to play together... so......... their love keeps them going..... GOODBYE!!!! i love listening to fka twigs cellophane & home with you and just..... being insane.

just can’t help myself

Five times Hinata takes care of Atsumu, and one time Atsumu returns the favor.

words: 5,025 | rating: T

*think about atshn taking care of each other* *cries*

blue crush

And there’s a promise there, sewn into the easy curve of his lips: I’m not going anywhere, Atsumu-san. Glittering eyes that cut through the rain-blurry dark like a beacon when Shouyou turns back to look up at him. Even if you fuck up all of our dates.

Murphy’s Law as demonstrated by Miya Atsumu.

words: 2,297 | rating: T

atsumu trying very hard to have things perfect and romantic and even in the failures its still very lovely<3

If I’m Icarus, You Must be the Sun (Allow me Three Mistakes)

He wonders if Icarus felt like nothing was wrong with self-destructing, because he had reveled in the sun, if only for a little while.

Atsumu finds, loving Hinata is the same.

Atsumu's love over the years, and the mistakes that accompany it.

words: 4,620 | rating: T

i am...very weak to the whole icarus/sun thing with hinata and his ships. this one though......... i think about it A lot.

in your eyes, i see our future

“Yer’ a real sweetheart, Hinata Shouyou.”

Shouyou smiles brilliantly. “Only for you~”

He scoots over so Shouyou can sit next to him. He can smell the pineapple body wash Shouyou is so fond of the moment he sits down. Shouyou passes the tray over carefully before settling against the headboard comfortably.

“What’s the occasion?"

(Or, Atsumu just really wants to marry Shouyou.)

words: 9,769 | rating: T

fhdsjjkjfdsj goes crazy stupid over marriage!!!!! listen... i do not believe in marriage!!!!! but for atsuhina, oh you bet i do!!!! :-)

breathing a hello

There’s no significance to them ending up here except that both of their lives are held in the sway of volleyball. Everything else comes second.That’s the crux of it, really.

words: 2,826 | rating: T

gjhfsjkfd shhhhhhhhh. my heart is very soft when i think of them here, please..... just!!!! pls.

if you’re out there in the cold, i’ll cover you in moonlight

My [23M] best friend and ex-boyfriend [23M] is visiting me for a week, and my current boyfriend [24M] who agreed to all of this is suddenly withdrawing from me. Can I get some advice? Please? Anyone?

words: 8335 | rating: T | chapters: 3 | tw: past kg/hn 😳

this one is optional since you wanted one shots and theres 3 chapters here. my idea of romantic is...well, i especially love when one of them is acting hurtful/mean/difficult to the other bc their own personal issues but the other loves them anyway??? and then they work on that issue!!! just!!!!! ; ;

Love in the Time of Insomnia

And anyway Hinata was sprinting out faithfully after Atsumu, who had keys to the gym like a badass, and who was going to give his spikers a few more tosses after-hours without Meian knowing like the greatest, most generous badass the Jackals had ever seen.

words: 2,457 | rating: G

running four kilometers just so atsumu can rest. this is what romantic means!!!! hdkshjfhdj

ode to what you’d have been

5 times it’s Kageyama’s fault and the 1 time Hinata realizes it has never been.

words: 3,628 | rating: G

loving someone including their flaws PART 2!!!!!! ok.... u might be like... um... this is romantic? hfdkhjfd LISTEN!!!! to me!!! there is nothing more romantic than being in love with someone and the ugly parts of them. going, i love you, all of you. and communication!!! and understanding!!! and feeling terrible and shitty and horrible but having the one you love accept you. and trying to help ease your mind, worries. *sobs real hard* also shout out 2 ‘okaaayy.... i hate sakusa now’

a shrine for a boy

Despite his uncertainty about how to tell Atsumu of his move to São Paulo, Hinata takes action. Things do not go according to plan.

words: 2,447 | rating: G

hinatas time 2 be romantic and fail but its ok bc!!!!!!!!!! :-) they are just dummies in love<3

the greatest distance between you and longing is defeat

(In other words: Atsumu, let go. I’m here now.)

words: 3,310 | rating: G

um... *cries* post break up.... o_o!!!! god they really thought they could????? lmao!!!!!!

the tear in this (our gentle language)

“I’m going back to Brazil.”

He isn’t asking for permission. This isn’t a consultation. Hinata Shouyou informs his boyfriend at their after-practice practice. Miya Atsumu has a volleyball in each arm, trying to pick up a third. It drops and rolls away from him. The thud resounding in an empty gymnasium.

Shouyou had tried to envision Atsumu’s reaction many times. He never expected to be met with silence.

Alternatively: an exploration of Hinata Shouyou’s return to Brazil

words: 7,204 | rating: M

ldr CAN be romantic ok!!!!!!!! it takes a lot of communication, time, and love ; ;

evening sun

Atsumu looks at Shouyou and thinks, I want to know every inch of you.

words: 1,502 rating: M

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spotsupblaze · 4 years

Note

Ghost: Why did you decide to play Hollow Knight? Shade: Did you make many mistakes in your first playthrough? Did you regret some of the choices you made? Hornet: Favorite boss battle? Most difficult boss? The Hollow Knight: What was the saddest part of the game for you? Which ending is the most sad to you?

Ghost

My first attempt at playing the game was quite the time ago and it was bc my friend started playing it. It seemed cool and I was like fuck yeah lets try it!

I ended up sobbing like a lil bitch, lost in Crossroads and very confused, so I left it be :/

I came back to it this year after watching a playthrough and would ya look at that, I got quite far! I promised to myself that after the emberrasing failure of the first attempt, I gotta get everything there is in the game. All Im missing from the achievements is Embrace the Void and then getting through the pantheons with the bindings on

Shade

I honestly dont know what counts as mistake?? Like,, my biggest fuck up or just ’ah hell’ moment was probably losing all my Geo in Fungal Wastes right before getting the Lantern. I was on my merry way to get it (I thought I needed it right in that second to progress) and I managed to die without my shade. Didnt play for like a week after that

Same for decisions, I dont think theres many things you get to fuck up by choosing wrong. I left Zote and the Nailsmith to live in my first playthrough, helped Cloth to achieve her goal and meet with Nola in death again (personally I think its better to do that than leave her be), completed the Grimm Troupe ritual and gave the Delicate Flower to anyone whod take it

So yeah! No regrets, really!

Hornet:

My favs are def Pure Vessel and Nightmare King. Mantis Lords are alright, I guess, dodging out of the way is cool as hell, but I dont think they are in my top 5 (they are in top 10 tho)

Most difficult, in the vanilla game, were.... I dont know, actually? I didnt really struggle with the bosses that much. The only ones I struggled with were the Mantis Lords and Lost Kin. The Lords were fault of my panic and little to no knowledge of the controls. I wasnt used to stuff yet. For Lost Kin, it was my own fault that I didnt leave and get better nail even after 5 hours of battling them

I guess, tho, NKG is quite hard in the beginning, even though now I can beat him on like 98%. Same goes with Grey Prince Zote

The Hollow Knight:

THIS BASTARD’S ENTIRE CANON EXISTENCE HAS HURT ME AND PUT ME IN DEPRESSION FOR WEEK AND A HALF

Also just,,

This entire picture makes me feel a lot. Like. Lot a lot

Saddest ending is def the one that follows right after that picture. Sealed siblings,, it feels like it shouldnt be canon canon. Its a definitive end for all three of them and basically the whole kingdom, too, since Hornet is locked up by her own seal and if/when Ghost fails to resist Radiance nobody will be able to stop it

I suppose that Dream no more is sad, too, especially if you think that Hornet managed to get somewhat attached to Ghost. Her staring at their shattered mask,, What will she do with it? Leave it be? try to give them a burial? Try to fix it and keep somewhere safe as a somewhat morbid reminder of past? Nobody knows, but she lost them. And its probably forever like that, since the hk world is not as forgiving as we make it be in fanfics

Still, Sealed siblings is the worst. The story doesnt have a continuation and thats what makes it hurt the most, Id say

#Spot says stuff #Hollow Knight #// long post //

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megashadowdragon · 3 years

Text

on lukes moment of weakness and how it is fitting for luke among other comments

Personally I TOTALLY believe that George's Luke would have been VERY similarly to Rian's Luke.

And here is the reason why.... Luke has almost always been George's insert (lucas pronunced luke S ) and it makes total sense for Luke to be "exiled" and secluded away just as George became with Star Wars after the backlash of the prequels. But at the end of it, he comes back and stands up for what makes Star Wars what it is. Which is what Luke does for the Jedi and themes of Star Wars by the end of TLJ. He has learned from his mistakes, atoned for them, found redemption, confronted those he has failed, inspired hope, and learned to show compassion once again.

Now while George may have done it differently, I do believe that Luke being in exile was a metaphor for George's own relationship with Star Wars and its fandom.

www . reddit . com/r/StarWars/comments/ebb4f3/lukes_momentaneous_thought_of_killing_ben_solo/

I know I'm stepping on dangerous territory here by talking about The Last Jedi, and I only do this because I think this is an interesting take on a key moment of the movie. Just bear in mind that I do not intend to make my point-of-view the absolute truth of it. After all, this is just my opinion.

We all know very well how divisive Episode VIII was, with many people pationately hating that movie. One of the main reasons of complaint is the fact Luke Skywalker had attempted to kill his apprentice and nephew, Ben Solo, because he sensed the Dark Side to be too strong in the latter. Luke Skywalker, the only person in the entire galaxy that saw there was still light in Darth Vader, tried to kill his relative. When even Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda had lost all hope Anakin could be saved, Luke helped putting him on the path of redemption, helping Vader turn back to the Light and fulfill the prophecy of the Chosen One. It seems to be an insult that this same character gave up on his nephew so easily and tried to kill him.

I believe things must be analyzed more carefully.

I've just finished marathoning the Skywalker Saga (by the way, I STRONGLY recommend the Ersnt Rister order: IV-V-I-II-III-VI) and noticed something very interesting while watching Return Of The Jedi.

During the final moments of Luke and Vader's duel aboard the Death Star II, we see the young Jedi Knight wants to avoid fighting his father so as not to fall in the trecharous web of Palpatine, who wants to turn the young Skywalker to the Dark Side. Luke is hiding beneath the Emperor's throne. Vader chases him and, through the Force, reads Luke's thoughts to lure him into confrontation:

You cannot hide forever, Luke. Give yourself to the Dark Side. It is the only way you can save your friends. Yes, your thoughts betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for... sister! So, you have a twin sister!

In this moment, we see Luke's face and he's completely terrified by the idea Darth Vader found out about his sister. It is something new and Luke fears for Leia's well-being. Also, we hear from Vader's words that he cares a lot about his friends, the people he loves. Vader continues:

Your feelings have now betrayed her too. Obi-Wan was wise to hide her from me. Now his failure is complete. If you will not turn to the Dark Side, THEN PERHAPS SHE WILL!

Now we have something different. Since he was brought before the Emperor, Luke had been constatly confronted by Palpatine and Vader with the idea of him turning to the Dark Side. When Vader talks about the possibility of that happening to Leia, it's not a threat directed to him, but to someone he loves. In this moment, Luke loses it completly and attacks Vader viciously, totally enraged. The Sith Lord can't stand the power of his son, fuelled by hate and falls to the ground, defeated. In this moment Luke is prepared to make the final blow, but then he hears Palpatine laughing and clapping. This makes him go back to his senses and realize what he's been doing. He then turns off his lightsaber and refuses to kill his father.

"I'm a Jedi, like my father before me" and so on... we know what happens, so let's fast-forward to The Last Jedi.

When Luke is confronted by Rey, who demands him to tell what had happened between him and Kylo Ren, we learn how things unfolded through Luke's perspective:

I saw darkness. I sensed it building in him. I'd seen it in moments during his training. But then I looked inside, and it was beyond what I ever imagined.

In this moment of the flashback we see Luke's hand reaching out to his lightsaber, almost unconsciously. He then proceeds:

. He would bring destruction and pain and death, AND THE END OF EVERYTHING I LOVE BECAUSE OF WHAT HE WILL BECOME, AND FOR THE BRIEFEST MOMENT OF PURE INSTINCT, I THOUGHT I COULD STOP IT.

Here it is again. Like in Episode VI, we see Luke reacting in a similar way by the notion of something posing a threat not to him, but to the people he loves and cares about. Luke feared Ben would destroy everything he cherished, just like Vader had threatened by turning Leia to the dark. And, just like in the OT, it was a passing shadow:

It passed like a fleeting shadow, and I was left with shame and with consequence. And the last thing I saw were the eyes of a frightened boy whose Master had failed him.

I've already written way more than I expected, so I'll just conclude here. I've realized the act Luke commits in the Sequels is the same (or at least VERY similar) as from the OT: he attempted to kill Vader then his nephew, out of fear of seeing what/who he loved destroyed. He repented and managed to stop himself in the act in both situations. And he was ashamed. So, at least regarding this point of the movie, I see the same Luke Skywalker.

(luke had more to lose now then he did before

another example which I saw dont remember where I saw it but I saved the comments unfortunately I didnt put in the links:

edit: (now I remember www . reddit . com/r/StarWars/comments/9a3hdl/)

Luke considered killing Ben for about two seconds in a vulnerable moment

Sort of like he almost got baited into killing Vader by a few mocking words, and cut the hand off his own father in blind rage.

Luke is still just a person. If we've learned anything in Star Wars it's that the Jedi are not superhuman paragons of virtue and perfection, no matter how they might appear to the unwashed masses in the SW universe. They have the same flaws, temptations, failures, etc as anyone else. Yes the Force can help them overcome some of this, but they're far from perfect. Luke could have, and I agree should have grown in a positive way, but it's not impossible or even unbelievable that he didn't. He just had his life's labor wiped out in front of him and blamed himself for it. All those years of finding lost Jedi knowledge and artifacts, being what he believed to be the last Jedi in the universe with the responsibility to restart the order on his shoulders alone. All those lives that he took under his protection and guidance as the Master of the new order, wiped out in one night. Because of him (at least in his mind). Everything he was working towards for years just totally undone in a few hours and it was all his fault.

So he leaves and says fuck the whole lot of it. He lives by himself, stews in his misery and regret, retreats into himself and rejects the most foundational principle of the whole concept of being a Jedi: to help people. He's the most powerful Force user alive and he's wasting away by himself on some desolate rock, swearing off the rest of the galaxy because he thinks that he's a failure, that he wasn't strong or good enough, that he can't win, that it's not even worth it to try anymore, and that even at the height of his wisdom and power, it was all undone, and by himself no less.

another comment

Stuff has changed, I mean he’s quicker to come to his senses. I wouldn’t call that his flaw though. His flaw is one of his greatest traits, his care for his friends and family. It’s a flaw cause it causes implusive actions, lashing out on Vader, leaving Yoda, a single thought that he could stop a horrible fate in Ben.

I personal struggle with a temptation in my life, a temptation to do something my faith says is wrong to do. I may have overcome it some days, but other days, whether the same circumstances or not, I might fall into it. Temptations are a constant battle, not a one and done thing. Flaws are similar, you don’t just grow past a flaw after one instance.

Because a day may come when you will brought face-to-face with that temptation or flaw again, but the circumstances will be different, and it won’t be so easy to overcome.

You mentioned Toy Story in a post, and that’s a decent example when it comes to one facet. Woody might not get jealous when another flashy toy comes along that gets more attention like Buzz did.

A better example of the nagging of a temptation, like Luke dealt with, is in Lord of the Rings. The Ring is a constant temptation to the bearer and those around them. At least by the film, Frodo may have resisted the urge to use it under the tree, but he still was tempted to use it at other times, and it was a constant battle. Same with Bilbo. Bilbo held the ring for 60 years. And the temptation of it held him greatly. He drops the Ring in Bag End, letting it go. If he was viewed similarly to how people viewed Luke tossing the saber, that’d mean he freed himself from it’s grasp and from the temptation to take and use it. We see in Rivendell that isn’t the case for him. He has a moment of wanting to take it back, and even at the end of his time in Middle Earth, he inquires about it, although more innocently curious.

That would be more similar to Luke’s case. To fall to the dark is a constant temptation that Jedi should always be aware of, and if you get close at one point, there’s the possibility that it’ll happen again, and if you aren’t prepared or it comes in a different form, you’ll either fall or get really close.

That turned out longer than I meant it, but I see this idea and..it’s just not the case.

another comment

Just because you get older doesn't mean you necessarily get wiser and better.

Jedi are still people (and some aliens, but you get the meaning), and the prequels (and even the OT) showed that even the oldest and wisest among the Jedi were capable of mistakes and misjudgments.

I think it's unreasonable to assume Luke should have become incapable of making, or even repeating mistakes and succumbing to emotion.

Right because people only get better as they get older and we grow past our flaws and doubts permanently right?

You guys are weird.

Luke overcame that moment of doubt before he almost struck Vader down and you think what ....... Luke got some kind of videogame like powerup where that character flaw would never come back again?

Some of you have a very black and white (boring) opinion on life and human growth.

Spoiler: People have flaws, we don't all overcome those flaws.Your boy Luke is no exception.

Consider what nearly proved to be his downfall in Return of the Jedi: for all the Emperor's taunting about the Rebel Alliance's imminent demise, it was Darth Vader who finally pushed his Berserk Button by discovering that Leia was his twin sister and suggesting that if Luke didn't change sides, he and his master might have better luck turning her. Then, when Luke went berserk, it totally worked: he curb-stomped Darth Vader and still didn't go evil in the end. His father's killing off the Emperor also put an end to a whole lot of the Empire's evil and birthed the New Republic.

Flash forward thirty years, and once again someone is threatening everyone and everything Luke loves, and killing the guy would surely preempt a whole lot of trouble. In his heart of hearts, he doubtless remembers what Yoda taught him about how easy and seductive the Dark Side is, but he also remembers how Yoda's mistake of hiding the truth about his lineage from him nearly brought his downfall. He also remembers how killing the Emperor solved so many problems the way he'd better not try to solve them this time... Well, what's so tempting about that?

Luke had more to lose at this time. He knew what a relatively free, peaceful Galaxy looked like, and had other students to care for besides Ben. Instinctively, he was acting out of concern for them. Luke makes an important point when he gives Rey the truth: it is a split second. Luke is a hero, but he's human. He was impulsive and acted on instinct in his youth, so the fear of Ben turning is enough to push him to the edge for a second.

hopeforben . tumblr . com/post/623000635980333056/theres-a-significant-portion-of-the-fandom-that/embed

@emeraldspiral

@daughter-of-water

@someoneintheshadow456

#star wars #star wars the last jedi #luke skywalker #star wars meta

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alveenaazeem · 4 years

Text

self discipline

Well self discipline is the most important step toward achieving aproductive lifestyle.with the fast moving world there is no room for blunders and lagging behind due mere lack of dicipline. In the modern world every being is struggling to acheve their set goals but the problem is that they don't pave the way for their journey. Which can only be done when you discipline yourself. There are many way by which you can approach self discipline. Lets start with :

1.know your weaknesses

You must knpw what is dragging you back. Think what hinders your work. These can be habits. It can be your pessimism and negative thoughts. It canbe over thinking or even mere temptations like social media.

2. Remove temptations

You must remove what ever the temptations are. They are what are making you fail in succeeding. Lagging you behind. Most people complaine that they are most tempted by the social media. Thay have anurge to glance at their cellphones tome and again inorder to ensure their are no notifications. So turn ot off. Try, without trying you can not do any thing.

3. Set your priorities right

You should think what are the thigs that are important in your life what are the things you want? what are the things you need?

4. Set a daily goal

Set a daily goal and keep track of what you were able to acomplish and what remained undone. Simply make a to do list.

5. Wake up as early as you can

Akingup as early as 4 o'clock is prefered by most people if you want to succeed. But it is difficult to change your routine to that extent over night. So just star with waking up at 9 o'clock or whatever suites you. Just try.

It will give you more time. I asure you your day will be longer you will get more time to accomplish tasks at hand.

6. Meditate

Meditation is the key to calm and peaceful mind. It provides you with clarity and motivates you to do tasks thats are important to do TODAY!! Our mind always pushes the tasks to another day. It loves the word 'tomorrow'. Due to just fears and insecurities of future and past. Meditation provides the vsion crutial for the task completion.

7. Hve a healthy lifestyle

Have healthy living. Eat healthy and exercise.

Also thinking healthy and good thoughts counts in healthy lifestyle. Rmove the bad thought as soos as it comes.

8. Give yourself something after every achievement

Give your self a treat after every accomplishment. The treat canbe in any form like a chocolate bar (for me it works wonders) or a mask or a small talk anything you like.

9. Alway have a plan B

Alway have a backup plan which will ensure that before starting the task you have thought it through. You have every thing you need. And the plus point that you will not waste time in panic if the first plan fails.

10. Learn through mistakes

Dont hate or over criticize yourself. Alway hope for good. And forgive yourself over your mistakes. Mistakes and failures are a part of growth without which growth is impossible. And try again and again.

Do you have trouble in acieving self discipline?

Did you find it useful?

Did it helped you?

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pinkykitten · 5 years

Text

never give UP

Stranger Things

Billy Hargrove x female! reader

Warning: car accident, hospital, drinking and driving (do not do pls), speeding (also do not do), mentions of abuse, mentions of suicide, alcohol

Specifics: angst, romance, race neutral reader, one-shot

People: billy hargrove, max mayfield, neil hargrove, your dad, your mom, your doctor

Words: 1,747

Request: By @intheendyouwillalwayskneel Hi, could I please get a Billy x romantic reader where Billy is speeding and they get into a wreck and she is permanently injured. Maybe she lurches forward and hits her head on the the breaking windshield. Then develops a brain hemorrhage and falls into a coma. Billy is horrified and heartbroken because it's all his fault.

Authors Note: wow this one i think i went a little overboard with the drama and story srry im a bit of a drama queen so ta-ta. this has a lot of things in it so if u cant read it or dont want to read it no shame and no hate, u do u. i do hope for those to read it to like it cuz i wanted to think outside the box. srry this took me quite a while to make another story ive just been rlly busy lately atm.

Crazy little thing called love played loudly on the speakers in Billy’s car. The windows were opened as the wind howled against your ears. The car’s engine roared as it sped down the darkly lit street. It was late at night and some folks would say that it was too dangerous for a drive but you and Billy were daredevils. You were opened to a rebellious chapter in your life after you met Billy. He was willing to take risks, he was the bad boy you would read every night in your romance books.

Your hand danced in the air outside of the window, creating a wave against the waving trees. You sang to the music as Billy laughed. He laughed like a mad man, feeling the adrenaline rush through his body. You and him howled like a bunch of crazy teenagers you were. You were young and you wanted to live your life.

“So how is this y/n? Is this wild enough for ya?” Billy shouted over the blaring music.

You took a swig of some alcohol located under the seat. It burned your throat as the liquid made its way down. You gave a look of disgust. Billy chuckled and took a drink himself, “too strong for you?”

You shook your head as you felt light. Alcohol still new to you so that small sip made you feel tipsy. You scooted closer to Billy and wrapped your hands around his face, bringing him closer to you. You kissed his lips and his cheek. Your lips made their way to his earlobe, biting lightly on the skin and then whispering into his ear, “Crazy turns me on.”

Billy raised his brow as he smirked, “is that so!” As quick as light his foot stepped on the gas pedal making the car seem to fly through the air. The miles were going higher and higher. At first you were having fun, enjoying the excitement but now it was getting too dangerous. Your smile disappeared and instead a frown was found on your face. You were actually scared.

“Billy okay thats enough. Slow down.”

He would not. Instead he sped more.

“Billy, I said stop it!” You were shaking. The car was going so fast that any minute it felt as if it would turn over and tumble around. Billy cackled loudly. His old, selfish attitude resurfacing. Out from the turn came a truck. Billy was speeding to such a degree that the car was zig-zagging. The car and the truck were about to make contact. Billy was like a deer in headlights. His laughing stopped and now all he did was freeze. He didn’t know what to do. He quickly lifted his hand to go across your body while your hands laid against the steering wheel. The wheel turned and the car spun out of control. It missed the truck but rolled down a grassy hill. The spin was so rough that you lunged forward, hitting your head against the windshield.

Billy quickly made sure you were alright but was met with a distraught view. Your head laid back against the seat. Your forehead was bloody and blood dripped out of your nose. You laid unconscious. Billy was so scared for you. He shook you, wanting you to wake up, “Y/n! Y/n! Please y/n please wake up. Please, I’m sorry.” Tears started to pour out of his eyes. He wanted you to be safe, to be happy.

He felt so guilty. Seeing you in the hospital bed, machines and things poking into you. It was all his fault. He would visit you everyday, no matter what. You weren’t respondent though, you were in a coma. Every day he hoped and prayed that you would wake up from it. It didn’t matter if you didn’t want to see him anymore or hated him he just needed you awake and alive. Your parents were furious. He would dodge seeing them every time. They wanted to kill him and probably stop him from seeing you but he couldn’t let that happen.

He needed to see you.

Billy entered into your room, flowers in hand. He set the flowers in a vase and put them beside you on the table. The doctor told him that even though you couldn’t move or be aware of anything you still could hear. Billy would always speak to you. He would tell you about his day, about your gifts, about your family. Even though he was going through a rough time at his home, you mattered more to him.

“Hey babe, its me Billy. I got you your favorite flowers today,” he softly massaged your hands. Hating seeing them motionless. Billy had cried so much during this time with you. He hated himself more now if that was even possible. He felt he was a failure to everyone, to you, to Max, to his mother. He felt he was just a waste. Tears started to drip from his eyes onto his cheek, “you know Max made a card for you.” He chuckles seeing the odd stickers on it and the drawings. He placed it next to your flowers. “She hopes you feel better and she misses you. I miss you too. Your parents miss you.” Silence. He despised the silence. He just wished you would jump out from that bed and live. “Baby, you gotta wake up. It doesn’t have to be for me, its has to be for your parents and for yourself. I’m so sorry for putting you through this. Its all my fault. I should be the one there not you, me!’

A knock filled in the silence. Quickly, Billy wiped his tears and saw that it was the doctor who came in. “Is everything alright here?”

Billy nodded. “Is everything okay doctor?”

“Well...y/n is going to have some complications if she wakes up from this coma. She developed a brain hemorrhage and we’re looking at maybe some sort of paralysis. We’re suspecting half of her body but it may be more, we’re not 100 percent sure.”

Billy was shocked and he couldn’t stop himself from crying.

“You monster!” Your father came in along with your mother. Your father ran up to Billy and clutched onto his denim jacket, tears also coming down his face. “How could you do this to my daughter?” The doctor was trying to stop the fight but your father was so irate. Your mother was sobbing in the background and Billy wished in that moment he was dead. Your father shook Billy and screamed at him. “You did this to her. Take a good look at her!” Billy turned to the side and saw you. You laid there calm. Tubes connected to you. “I never want to see you again. Not here, not now, not ever. If she wakes up from this she is banned from seeing or even talking about you. You will stop seeing her here and I swear to God if you think about walking in here again I will make sure you go through the same sufferings as my daughter!” Your dad shoved Billy out of the room and Billy ran out of the hospital. Sobbing silently, alone, quietly outside. Wishing the nightmares would just end.

Billy had tried to see you in the hospital but your father was always there and the doctors knew he wasn’t allowed there anymore. Billy made a turn for the worst. He just couldn’t live without you. He started to go to alcohol for comfort, missing school and his temper rising even more, taking it out on Max. He was a mess. It was either feeling guilty over what happened with you or getting abused. There was no happiness for Billy.

Billy had woken up with a hangover. Throwing up in the toilet. He was done with this life. Then the doorbell rang. Billy thought it was another one of Max’s loser friends so he called out to her. There was no answer. “Max! I said get the God da*n door!” There was still no answer. Billy walked over the door, cursing to himself as the room started to spin. As he opened the door he was greeted with your face. You stood there, smiling, a cane in your hand as you leaned on if for support. Billy opened his mouth wide in shock, thinking he was dreaming as he sometimes had dreams or feelings that he saw his mother sometimes.

“Is that really you y/n?”

You nodded and jumped onto him for a hug. You gently caressed his curls. “Its me Billy. Its really me.”

“Wait,” he backed away from you. “No this isn’t right. You hate me! You’re supposed to hate me! I hurt you. I did this all to you. I’m, I’m a monster!” He started to cry as his lips trembled.

You shook your head, “no, no Billy. Its okay,” you cradled him in your arms. “I’m fine now. I feel better.” You looked into his eyes. “Look at me, you are not a monster. I don’t hate you Billy, I could never. I forgive you for what happened but there was nothing to forgive in the first place. I love you Billy. With every fiber in my body I love you. I could never be apart from you. I know about all the things you did in the hospital. All the things you said, the gifts, Billy that wasn’t hate that was love. You did all that because you love me. What we both did was wrong that day. We should of never drank and speed, but its in the past know, we learn from our mistakes. I’m not like your parents or anybody else in your life that leaves you. I’m staying put right beside you forever. You can never get rid of me.”

Billy felt speechless in that moment. How did he get so lucky to be with you? What did he do to deserve such an angel as yourself? Billy embraced you again, “I love you so much y/n. I love you so much.” He kept repeating. You placed your hands on his jaw and kissed his lips lovingly. Billy was so grateful to have you in his life. Even though his life with his dad was not easy he had you to lean on. He had you to make him smile and laugh. He had you to keep him going and to remind him to never give up.

Tag list: @harrington-lover, @angelgl16, @perfectlybeautifulsuit, @hyehoney, @haven-prelude (wont let me tag), @leasly, @totally-alexa21, @creamy-pasta-boi, @multireese, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @prentisskelley, @malereaderforkpop (wont let me tag), @guardian-of-cookies, @justafangirl-97, @teenageshitposts (wont let me tag), @dippergravity (wont let me tag), @some-booty, @fromfoolishpeopletodeadpeople, @collectiveyou, @wtfisalltherandoms, @dirbel, @eastcoasthaven, @fangirl-4-life415 (wont let me tag), @idontknowwhattocallthisworld (wont let me tag)

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fairycosmos · 4 years

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LMFAOOO NOT TO B ANNOYING HERE BUT UHHHH i turn 17 next month n am not excited (~: bc i am too scared to turn 18 n be an adult n have responsibilities bc nothing in my life has been stable enough. i feel like i have to worry n prepare myself now bc if i don’t it’ll hit me like a fucking bus. but yeah!! i’m straight up not looking forward to it!! feel like i have no chance!! cannot make it in this life!! so i must kill myself before the day comes!! proud of all of u for making it this far

HEY you’re not annoying ! but also HEY, try to slow down and take a moment. or several moments. you’re very young, and i’m saying that in a good way. growing up is such a paradox because we never realize how much time we have until its ran out. treating everything as a transitional phase, as a means to an end, is an exhausting habit. you haven’t lived the solutions to your worries yet. i think it’s important to try to hold onto the present moment because it’s the only thing that actually exists. and you’ll never be who you are currently, ever again. the past is over, and the future is impossible to predict and CONSTANTLY changing. the only thing that’s in your control is this moment. right now, you don’t need to be anything other than what you are. every second of uncertainty is necessary, everything is working out this way to get you to where you need to be - which is a lifelong journey in and of itself, it’s supposed to be a long and confusing process. i know it probably feels like everythings moving so fast, and the world likes to lie to us, likes to say we have to have everything figured out by eighteen, cause they want to make money off of us. if we put all of our mental stability into how well we’re doing career wise/academically, then we’ll push ourselves to the limits working for them. just to prove ourselves, right? it’s all an illusion and a way to keep us down. the older you get the more you realize that nobody has a clue about anything, really. i mean ANYTHING. and you dont have to expect yourself to be sure of the rest of your existence, especially not at sixteen. there’s no set schedule for your life, where you have to complete X achievement by Y age or you’ll burn in an eternal pit of failure. there’s just these days, and this growth, and what we choose to do with what we have. getting lost is normal, not knowing is normal. only then will you experience those inner epiphanies that make you realize what you REALLY want, putting you back on track. and this can happen at 21, at 30, at 50. and there are so many different tracks, too. nothing is definitive. when you’re a kid, especially a kid with a traumatic background, it’s easy to see things in black and white. i used to too, sometimes still do. but what i’ve noticed is the more you push yourself out into the world, the more you understand that everything is coloured in shades of grey. we grow weirdly, stunted in one area and abundant in another. we achieve our goals unexpectedly, on top of the world one day and then falling the next. it’s the balance. i think....it’s important to take your childhood into account, how its shaped your perception and your self image. questioning the fundamental beliefs you have, about what you’re worth, is a good place to start. whether that’s through counseling, or implementing healthier coping mechanisms int your daily life, or even just having an honest conversation with yourself at first. either way, you’ll see that you have to sort of relearn everything you thought you knew. you have to make a concentrated effort to center yourself and practice patience with your own life...it’s hard at first, but it makes everything easier in the long run. constantly screaming at yourself in your own head simply for existing is just too suffocating, too exhausting. not everything is going to be this chaotic all of the time, i promise. look, i said the exact same thing about turning eighteen. and i’ve been saying the same thing about turning twenty in four months, that i’m just going to kill myself. but it’s becoming clear to me now that that thought is more of a defense mechanism than anything else, at least for me. if i’m going to die young i don’t have to have any sort of plan, and i dont have to worry about messing up. it’s comforting. but i feel like life just sort of sneaks up on you, and you don’t even really realize it. your mind knows on some subconscious level that you have the rest of eternity to be dead and only one chance in this history of ever to be a person. so despite all of the learned fear and the quiet terror, it’s easier to think about simply disappearing than it is to actually die. just by being here, you have a chance. and if you feel as though you’re really going to act on those compulsions/self destructive thoughts, please please be sure to alert those around you and call the authorities so you can receive the care you need. no matter how scary it is, because you dont want to make such a long lasting decision when you’re in a unclear headspace. it’s just not worth it, it doesn’t change or improve anything.

this is getting too long, and these are just my thoughts on the matter, not objective facts, but. yeah, existential horror is a part of the human condition and a defining characteristic of what differentiates us as a species. and there’s strength in this, in knowing we’re all in the same boat and everyones feeling the weight of it. but you’ll find reasons to stick around if you seek them out. everything is terrifying but we should try to focus on our individual lives and getting through each day, one at a time. the quote that comes to mind is “and while the future is fast coming for you, it always flinches first and settles in as the gentle present.” you are doing so much better than you think. adapting is inevitable, and you’ll be so many different selves over the course of your lifetime - how can you be mad at the 16 yo version that just wants to try their best? seriously, if you give yourself some time, and you try to give yourself the tools you need to remain grounded and present, then you’re going to be okay. i wouldn’t say it if i didn’t believe it. sometimes we’re looking for an answer but the answer is simply to wait. anyway, i really hope you’re able to take it easy. again, you’re sixteen. mistakes are human, and they’re all lying to you about how you have to decide what you’re going to ‘be’ for the rest of your life. please take care. if you need a friend or if you want to talk about anything, i’ll be here. you’re not in this alone.

#again just my thoughts on it......not saying my perception is the only truth there is. u will probably find ur own version #tw suicide #anon

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