#wish i could punch my brain and my heart repeatedly. i just want to accept this that's all i fucking want

[valpuduzz]

im so sorry to my mutuals i promise i dont wanna vent in here all the time because i know it can be extremely exhausting to be around such negativity and i do wanna make more funny posts but shit keeps happening and venting about it in the tags is sorta comforting in a way

#the meowing of a cat 🐱 #anyways. it is 5am and i cannot sleep because im not tired and also because i fucking hate myself #i wanna isolate myself from everyone #i really do #i really really really do. but i cant and i wont. dont worry. #actually i think i just wanna isolate myself from my crush because it's the only way i know the feelings will go away #but i cant #and i dont want to #YES IM VENTING ABOUT MY CRUSH AGAIN. I HATE IT TOO OKAY #im such a fucking incel and i hate it i hate it #im literally mister nice guy redditor #because i have so much love to give and i hate the fact he will never reciprocate. he doesnt even see me as a close enough friend #i just want to tell him how much i love him but i cant because i told him once and you cant confess again #that's not how that works #please why cant i accept he doesnt like me back why cant i accept it i just want to accept it #i want to let go i want to let go i want to let go but i cant i fucking cant and i hate it #please please please i just want to learn to live with the fact he wont and never will love me back #but i fucking cant. ive tried fucking everything. ive tried so fucking hard. and i always come back loving him more #wish i could punch my brain and my heart repeatedly. i just want to accept this that's all i fucking want #but i cant. and i overthink so hard i overthink every interaction i have with him #i want to let him know i love him but i dont wanna be a creep. he probably already thinks im a creep #but ofc he's so sweet he will never let me know that #i cant sleep and my leg hurts and my finger hurts and im shaking #i just. i really want to tell him the amount of love i have for him. but i cant anymore #he has been done wrong by many people. i wish i could give him my love. but i cant force someone to love me #god im such a Nice Guy incel.... i hate it #dont get me wrong he makes me so fucking happy. it's just the fact that i know he will never love me #and how i will never get to show my love for him fucks me up #i want to show him so badly but the love for him i hold is so overwhelming i cant possibly do that without being seen as a creep #please i just want to let go i want to accept it i want to accept he will NEVER fucking love me but i cant

[tlcwrites]

Two Hearts Make a Whole

Prompt: “Kiss me again, like you mean it.” Photo prompt below.

Summary: NYC Pride is for celebration, and occasionally, long-overdue revelations.

Word Count: 2,001

Tags/Content warnings: Marvel. Stucky. If you have a problem with it, there's the door. SFW. Slight TFATWS spoilers so read at your own risk. Platonic Reader. Two idiots in love. Technically canon-divergent because I'm still in my everyone-is-alive-and-in-this-timeline happy place that I will never ever leave fuck you very much Russo brothers but not AU. Found family. All the feels. Complete and total LGBTQ+ support. Lots of bad language words because #me. Un-beta'd.

Author’s Note: Okay so yes this is technically 4 weeks late for @autumnleaves1991-blog's Writer Wednesday weekly challenge. BUT, it was incredibly important to me to finish this one before Pride month is over. Made it by the skin of my teeth.

Happy Pride, y’all. If you’re out, you’re amazing. If you’re closeted, you’re amazing. However you identify is valid and important. Trans folx are LGBTQ+. Bisexuals are LGBTQ+. Ace folx are LGBTQ+. Anyone who identifies or thinks they may be as queer is LGBTQ+. All are welcome in the family. You have the right to choose your pronouns and we have the responsibility to use them. Live whatever your truth looks like to you and love each other. Love is love is love is love. If your family doesn’t accept you for you, I’m your mom now and I’ve got mom hugs available on demand. Homophobes and TERFS can fuck off and roll in poison ivy. Always punch Nazis. Pride shouldn't be limited to the month of June. And don’t you dare forget that Black and Brown trans women were the ones who rioted at Stonewall, and we owe everything to their bravery. Don’t forget that much of popular ‘gay’ culture was appropriated from Black women. And for more facts about Pride that you should absolutely know, Rawiyah Tariq (@ mammyisdead on Instagram) has a phenomenally good overview.

“Oh my god.” You gasp loudly. "Oh my GOD. Is that-"

“What?!” Instantly in First Avenger Protective Mode™️, Steve surveys the crowd, wishing he had an actual shield instead of the screen printed one on his shirt. “What is it?”

You gasp again, smacking Sam’s arm repeatedly. “OHMYGOD IT IS HOLY FUCK.”

“First; ow.” Now-Cap rubs his bicep. “Second; clue in the class before Steve has an aneurysm, please.”

Vibrating with excitement doesn’t begin to describe your current state. “HER ROYAL HIGHNESS MISS LEMON MERINGUE IS STANDING RIGHT FUCKING THERE.”

With the finesse of a shampoo commercial, Bucky's dark locks fly as he whips around. “What?!”

“RIGHT THERE RIGHT THERE RIGHT THERE.” You abandon a relieved Sam and latch on to Bucky’s vibranium arm. “Oh my GOD I love her so fucking much.”

“She was robbed, absolutely fucking robbed,” he agrees, craning his neck to get a better view. “Divine Tension’s lip sync was shameful.”

Sam glances at Steve, who is slowly coming out of protector mode. “What the ever-loving hell are they talking about?”

“RuPaul’s Drag Race.” Nat flicks more confetti at both Cap-the-former and Cap-the-current. “They watch it every week.”

“Really, Steven, for a guy with enhanced super senses, you miss a lot.” Tony hefts a bedazzled Morgan higher on his back. The toddler, accompanied by Scott playing air-piano on the ground, sings along with the ABBA song being blasted at full volume through the street. Tony continues as if this is an everyday occurrence. “Why do you think both of your People disappear every Friday evening?”

Ears pink, Steve mumbles something.

“What?!” The only other one with hearing enhanced enough to hear a murmur over the cacophony of several thousand people belting out the chorus of ‘Dancing Queen’ at the top of their lungs, Bucky turns to stare at his friend. “You thought we were datin’?”

Steve’s blush extends down his neck.

You and Bucky stare at each other for a moment before you both collapse on each other, exploding into stomach clenching, thigh slapping laughter.

“I’m gonna guess that’s a ‘no’?” Clint confirms with Nat.

“Oh, a big ‘no’.” She watches affectionately as you and Bucky calm down enough to look at each other, breathe for a second, and both promptly dissolve into hysterics once more. “Like, the biggest ‘no’.”

Sam crossed his arms across his chest, his stoic stance so reminiscent of Steve it’s amusing (as well as a beautiful disparity to the sequined crop top he’s sporting. Oof, those abs.). “How do I not know about this?”

“Because you’re not a former super spy?” The usually-Black-but-today-Rainbow Widow tosses the last of her confetti at Tony, who spins a jubilant Morgan into it. “Or because you and that leggy barista from the lobby coffee shop are too busy playing hide-the-“

“-Baby Shark!” Morgan suddenly shrieks, flailing towards a guy on roller blades wearing a fin and tail (and not much else).

“Yeah,” Nat finishes with a smirk, “Hide-the-Baby Shark.”

Sam flips her a gesture that makes Clint laugh and Bruce sigh.

You and Bucky have finally managed to pull yourselves together. “Oh my god, Steven Grant,” you gasp, wiping tears from your eyes. “That’s the funniest fucking shit I’ve ever fucking heard.”

“Language!”

Steve glares at Tony. “One. Time. It was one. Time.”

Bucky slings his flesh arm around Steve’s shoulders. “Oh, punk. You may have perfect vision now, but sometimes you’re still as blind as you were before.”

Visiortn himself nods sagely. “Humans can be quite unperceptive when it comes to matters of the heart.” Vision casts a fond smile at Wanda, who is using her powers to make Pietro’s tinsel wig fly on and off. “Sometimes you have to look harder to see what’s right in front of your nose.”

A confused frown on that handsome face, Captain Clueless looks at Bucky. “Why do I feel like everyone else knows something that I don’t?”

His bestie sighs deeply. “Because, Stevie, almost everyone else on this planet knows that my tastes tend towards tall, blonde, blue-eyed knuckleheads who have zero sense of self-preservation.”

“And an ass you could bounce a quarter off of,” Scott helpfully supplies.

“And that,” Bucky agrees.

Steve frowns.

You press your palms to your eyes in vexation. “You, Steve. He’s talking about you.” (Seriously, how has this idiot survived for over a century while being so dumb?)

Whatever he was expecting, it was certainly not that. “He-“ The Man With A Plan gapes as he turns to his oldest friend. “You-“

“Me,” Bucky says gently.

Even though you’re slightly surprised that Bucky is going to do this in such a public forum, you can’t help but be so proud of your friend. It has taken a long time for Bucky to believe he deserves to be happy. There are days he still sinks into that dark place, where his inner demons whisper that he should have fought harder against his Hydra captors, and that his past actions were still somehow his fault. Those are the days no amount of baking or Modern Marvels will bring him out of his funk. You, Steve, Sam, and Nat have all held those strong shoulders as they shook with sobs, overwhelmed by the shame and horror at what his hands had done without his consent.

But he’s here. He’s free. And he’s smiling nervously at his best friend.

“I-” Steve is short-circuiting. “Me?!”

“Stevie.” With the kind of tender patience that can only be born of a lifetime of keeping (or attempting to keep) an idiot such as one Steven Grant Rogers from flinging himself headlong into every fight he comes across, Bucky moves his flesh hand to the back of Steve’s neck. His face is full of such soft affection that you almost want to look away for fear of intruding on this suddenly intimate moment. “What do you think ‘til the end of the line’ means, you idiot? You’ve been it for me since I was thirteen-years-old.”

Blue eyes are locked with blue eyes as Steve processes this revelation. “I-” He shakes his head as if to declutter his thoughts. “This whole time?”

“Since the first time I saw that asshole knock you down, and your scrawny ass climbed right back up.” A wry chuckle escapes as Bucky reminices. “You were ninety pounds soaking wet, and you stood there, against a guy who was three times your size, and never waivered for a second. It was magnificent.”

“I don’t like bullies,” is Steve’s quiet response.

Bucky’s grin is adoring. “I know, sweetheart.” He gently strokes the back of Steve’s neck with his thumb. “You’ve always had a heart way bigger than your brain.”

Steve is still back on the first part of Bucky’s admission. “If you’ve felt- if you-” He’s practically pleading. “Why didn’t you say anything then?”

Bucky shrugs, attempting and failing nonchalance. “It was a different time, you know?” He’s uncharacteristically unsure of himself, the subtle waiver in his voice revealing the anxiety born of a lifetime of being forced to hide his truth. “I mean, you remember how it was; you didn’t talk about, no one talked about- about being- about people like...” He swallows thickly.  “And I was so scared you didn’t, that you weren’t-” His voice breaks.

Even though you’ve all been emotionally invested in this love story for years, the entire team respectfully pretends not to listen as the former Winter Soldier quietly admits his deepest secret to his closest friend. It’s enraging as Bucky confesses yet another way he's been a victim of his circumstances, and denied his right to live freely without derision. Once more, you’re awed by his resilience.

“-it was a risk I couldn’t take,” Bucky finally gets out, that stubborn fire back in his eyes. “I couldn’t lose you, Steve. I couldn’t chance it. I could live with just being your friend and only your friend so long it meant you were in my life.”

Stunned silence meets the end of his confession. Steve’s face is impassive, those cerulean eyes uncharacteristically inscrutable.

You can all tell Bucky is heading steadily towards dread and heartbreak the longer Steve takes to respond. You and Sam exchange a look, both ready to intervene if Steve demonstrates any of the abhorrent attitudes that were so prevalent in the society of his youth. It would be completely out of character for him, but...

Finally, Steve speaks. “You’re telling me,” he says, his words slow and deliberate, “that you made me wait ninety-three years to tell me you’ve felt the same way about me as I have about you since the day you picked me up out of that alley?!”

The whole found family breaths a collective sigh of relief as Steve pulls Bucky even closer, broad chest to broad chest.

“Okay, to be fair, you were an ice cube for most of that time and I wasn’t exactly available for a relationship.” Bucky’s grin stands in contradiction to his mullish defense. “But yeah, that’s the gist of it.” There’s the Bucky you all know and love, biting his lip with those perfect white teeth. “Now, punk, I’d really like to kiss you now, but first I need you to say you want me to.”

“You-” Steve’s throat works as he attempts- and fails- to rein in his emotions. “You jerk.”

And then the Star Spangled Man seizes the president of the Sometimes-Former-Assassins Club by his ridiculously perfect face and crashes their mouths together.

At any Pride event, seeing two men kissing is, obviously, to be expected. But seeing The First Avenger and The White Wolf attempting to swallow each other’s tongues is not at all routine. As people realize what is happening, the crowd is whipped into a frenzy the likes of which is usually reserved for the aftermath of sporting events and elections that defeat fascists.

Watching the two men embrace, Scott sniffles loudly. “I’m gonna cry, I’m so happy.”

He’s certainly not the only one. Wanda has a watery smile as she wraps her arms around Vision and Pietro; Pepper, Tony, and Bruce are watching with fond parental energy; you and Sam sandwich Peter between the two of you, grins practically splitting your faces. Even Nat’s eyes look suspiciously shiny and she and Clint sling their arms around each other with platonic affection. And that’s not counting the several thousand people who are cheering for love being love being love being love.

When they finally break their embrace, the Centennial twins are startled to see they’ve collected quite an audience.

“Uh, so…” Suddenly bashful, Steve glances back to his- partner? Boyfriend? Soulmate? Is there a word that can accurately describe two people who have found each other time and again in a world that seems hell-bent on keeping them apart?- his ears practically maroon with embarrassment. For a guy with one of the most-recognized faces in the world, Steve is still incredibly and endearingly uncomfortable with attention. “Buck?”

Bucky seems just as stunned as Steve.

Thankfully, the masses demonstrate the usual support that’s the hallmark of Pride. “LOVE IS LOVE!” someone screams in the crowd. It’s quickly echoed, and chants fill the park.

The attention momentarily off them, the former Winter Soldier and his giant himbo of a soulmate look back at each other. You pretend not to watch through the happiest tears as they embrace again, bringing their foreheads together. The relief they share is palpable, as they’re finally able to show the world- and each other- the love they’ve each hidden for so long.

Bucky’s voice is so soft you have to strain to hear it. “You have no idea how much m’in love with you, Stevie.”

“Pretty sure I do,” Steve answers, bringing a hand up to carefully wipe the tears from Bucky’s face. “‘cause it’s as much as I love you, Buck.”

Bucky's answering grin can only be described as saucy. “Then kiss me again, like you mean it.”

And Steve, for once in his long life, does exactly as ordered.

---

A/N: “The Sometimes-Former-Assassins Club” is from Starry_Emerald173’s BRILLIANT The Avengers Wrangler over on AO3. If you haven’t read it yet, drop what you’re doing and do so immediately. Make sure you're not drinking any liquids, or your keyboard/phone may be in peril.

#writer wednesday #steve x bucky #stucky #steve rogers fic #pride #steve rogers fanfiction #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #stucky fanfic #stucky fanfiction #love is love #happy pride #steve rogers x bucky barnes #platonic reader #my writing

[diabolik-writer]

Umbridges Punishments (George Weasley x Ftm!Reader)

Harry Potter

Slytherin reader!

(It's only hinted at though)

Warnings : Umbridge misgenders you and slight panic attack

A/n: I originally wrote this for an Oc story I am currently writting. I figured it'd be cute as a one shot too. I changed quite a few things, such as the ending and the name to Y/n obviously. I don't know if I'll post the Oc story on here when I get enough of it done, but we'll see. If you like this and wish to read the original writing/story line for this, let me know.

Extra info: Y/n = your name, N/n = nickname, L/n = last name

Pain spread throughout my hand as the quill slid across the paper. I paused, waiting for it to fade, but it didn't. The pain continued to pulse as I wrote; Umbridge hovering behind me, watching as my hand turned red.

This was the fifth time I have been dragged into her office. It seemed like the smallest things got me in trouble. This time, I was just standing close to the Weasley twins when they pulled a prank on a Slytherin. Umbridge grabbed my arm quickly, ignoring the twins, yanking me into her office, where she had me sit down and she forced me to write with her quill. "You know what to write. This time you will write ten sentences." she announced, her hands joined behind her back as she smiled down at me. I whimpered, imagining what I was about to go through. My arm still hurt from the six she made me write last time.

'I am a troubled and useless mudblood' carved into my right hand as I wrote, making me squeeze my eyes in agony. The words continued to appear, causing a hiss of pain to escape my lips. I got to eight before I physically couldn't take it anymore. My hand was shaking and tears fogged my eyesight. I lowered my head, trying to cover my face with what hair I had. Umbridge scoffed and shook her head. "Two more, dear. Wouldn't want that number to double, would we?" I shook my head quickly, making the quill move again and making more words litter my hands.

When I had finished the last two, Umbridge grabbed the paper and quill from me. "Do you get the message, dear?" she asked, amusement laced in her voice. I knew that if I tried to speak, it would've come out weak and broken, so I just nodded. Umbridge seemed satisfied with my answer as she smiled and replied, "Good. You may now go, Ms.L/N."

My heart sank and my stomach flipped. Out of my seven years at Hogwarts, no one has called me "Ms''. They had always called me "Mr'' out of respect for my identity. I had always been accepted for who I was and I was never misgendered at Hogwarts by a professor. I didn't argue or correct her, though. I just stalked out of the room, wanting to get to my dorm room as fast as I could.

I kept my eyes on my shoes, watching for feet around me and avoiding as many people as possible. I could feel tears in the back of my eyes, making my face feel hot. I didn't want to be seen on the verge of sobbing, face red and puffy. I wanted to get to my room so I could cry in peace.

But my luck soon ran out; as I turned around the corner of the dungeon, I bumped into two tall boys, who were walking together. "Woah! Watch where you're-" There was a pause as I looked up. The two gingers that I knew too well, stood there, eyes wide. "Y/n?" They asked at the same time. I ducked my head down, hoping they had missed the red, puffiness of my face. They, of course, were observant and hadn't missed it.

"N/n? What's wrong, love?" Fred asked, worry filled his features. Pain pulsed through my hand again. I clutched my wrist and held my right arm to my chest. It helped ease the pain a small bit. George glanced down at my arm and gently reached out for it. He took it on his own. The long sleeve of my robe, covering my hand. He rubbed it softly, eyes flickering up to mine, keeping eye contact. His chocolate brown eyes were welcoming and made me feel safe. Same with Fred's. Both waited patiently as I slowly rolled up my sleeve.

They both glanced down at the same time and gasped. They scanned my hand, taking in the, now, scars. They burned as George's grip tightened, causing me to flinch. George loosened his hold on me and quietly apologized. Fred's eyes flew up to mine. They were alite with rage. "Who did this to you, Y/n?" He demanded, raising his voice.

The slight raise in his voice sent me into a panic. My breathing began to quicken and the tears I had been holding back began to pour. My body began to tremble like it had when I was writing. Fred's face dropped and he quickly embraced me, apologizing repeatedly.

George and Fred then shared a look, beginning to lead me out of the dungeon. I buried my head into Georges shoulder, as him and Fred's arms wrapped around my shoulders. I only moved my head to see where we were as I heard "Password?" from a woman's voice.

We were at a painting. George whispered the password to her and it opened. I looked up at Fred in confusion. He glanced down, his eyes shone with worry, love, and sadness. He bent down and whispered in my ear, "Gryffindor common room." I backed my face away quickly, making my crying-dazed brain, dizzy. "I can't go in there! It's against the rules. I can't break any more rules." I rambled in a panic. Fred kissed my forehead, we had entered now. The Gryffidors in the room all stared at us. Fred whispered in reassurance, "It'll be alright. They all like you and if they have a problem..." Fred and George shared a look, one that challenged anyone to say something.

They brought me over to the couch, George sitting next to me. Ron and Hermione rushed up to us. "Are you bloody mental? If Umbridge finds out he's in here, we're all doomed." Ron looked like he saw a ghost. Hermione punched his arm and looked over at me. "Quiet, Ron. They wouldn't bring him in if there wasn't a problem. Is he alright?" she asked Fred and George, as I sat looking at my feet. Most of the Gryffindors in the room were watching now with a silent interest.

The twins ignored Ron and George explained what was on my hand to Hermione. George gently took my right hand in his, while Fred talked, and traced the words with his fingers. Harry, who had joined us, sighed. "Umbridge got ahold of you." It wasn't a question. He knew the punishment that was given to me. George looked up from my wrist in his hand, in confusion as Harry pulled his sleeve down. I glanced up in time to see writing scarred on his hand. Some were more faded than others, signalling that he had been subject to multiple punishments too. "She practically takes me in for sneezing. She has this quill that carves what you write into your skin." Harry explained.

George and Fred shared a glare, full of hatred. They were coming up with something to do in revenge. It was obvious. Ron was more focused on the scars on Harry's arm. "Bloody hell, Harry. Doesn't that hurt?" Ron asked, eyes wide. Harry motioned his hand to me, whose face was still rosey and wet from the tears. "Obviously, Ron."

George began to move, letting go of my hand, all eyes fell on him. He laid down on the couch, causing me to move further to the edge to give him space. He started patting his chest, making eye contact, suggesting that I lay down too. I was too tired to think a lot, so I just moved and laid down in between his legs with my head on his chest. George ran his fingers through my hair and I sighed happily. Closing my eyes, the tension in my body slowly disappeared. Around me, I heard Ron, Hermione, and Harry leave, going back to whatever they had been doing previously, Fred likely joining them.

George watched as I relaxed, finally safe from Umbridge's punishments in his arms. My breathing calmed and the feelings in my hand faded as George mumbled a spell to relieve the pulsing pain. I took a deep breath, sinking further into the couch and George. My mind slowed and I started falling into a deep sleep. George's hand continued to run through and play with my hair until he fell asleep as well. 

#george weasley x reader #george weasley #george weasley x ftm reader #x ftm reader #ftm reader

[writeyouin]

Tfa request #1: what is the thoughts of bumblebee/jet twins/ blurr/ sari ( when she’s a teen! ) who has a crush on a dorky yet kind hearted person and what is thier reaction of when they kiss s/o, she fainted or got a nosebleed...( this happened to me but I fainted =u=|| )

TFA X Reader Inserts – Blowing a Gasket

A/N – Hey anon, hope you had a good birthday. Here is a gift for you.

Warnings – None.

Rating – T

Bumblebee

“YEAH,” Bumblebee cheered, punching the air victoriously. He was the only one who had opted out of the nature walk that Prowl had planned, and without Sari who was with her father for the day, he was left alone with the video game console.

You had dropped by only a little earlier to see everyone and had opted to read your book until they all came back. Normally, you would have played something with Bumblebee, but he seemed to be enjoying the single player game so you had left him to it.

“Nice job,” You said, looking up at the screen and seeing that he had finally gotten the golden relic he was after.

“Nice job?” Bumblebee repeated cockily. “I think you mean that I’m the king of ALL videogames.”

You snickered, “That is so precious. You want to talk to me about being the best player, then come back when you’ve got a platinum relic.”

Bumblebee tutted, “Those are impossible. Nobody can win one.”

“Move over amateur,” You said, taking the controller from Bumblebee and moving the small bandicoot on screen onto a level you knew well.

Starting the time trial, you caused the character to jump, spin, crush boxes, and generally beat the score Bumblebee had set. By the end of the level, you were the proud owner of a platinum relic.

“NO WAY!” Bumblebee goggled at the screen. “HOW DID YOU DO THAT?”

You stretched victoriously, “Years of practice. You know, if you play the second game and jump on the head of the polar bear in warp room two ten times-”

Bumblebee tried to look as if he was hanging onto your every word while internally, he was freaking out. How had he never noticed how cute you were before? It was so obvious. Maybe you had a crush on him too? Wait- A CRUSH! Colour rose to Bumblebee’s face plates.

‘Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no. What if (s)he doesn’t feel the same? I need to know, right now. Why is (s)he still talking about the game? Can’t (s)he see what’s going on here?’

Unable to be patient and wait for an opportune moment wherein Bumblebee might learn if you had feelings for him, he dove at you, pressing his lips against yours, making you let out a muffled yelp.

Pulling away, Bumblebee stared at you, waiting for you to say something. Blood rushed to your face, turning it beet-red. You squeaked as blood started trickling from your nose.

“Primus!” Bumblebee screeched, jumping back.

“It’s okay,” You tried to explain, cupping your nose to catch the blood.

“HOW IS THIS OKAY? YOU’VE BLOWN A GASKET!”

Bumblebee practically drove off to get Ratchet, forgetting his comm-link in his panic. You meanwhile, were left to mop up your bloody nose and search for an explanation by the time Bumblebee came back; all in all, it wasn’t the smoothest first kiss.

The Jet Twins

Jetfire and Jetstorm were listening intently as you talked about the movies you were going to show them back at the base. You had a feeling they would like your old favourites as much as you did. The twins both loved that you took the time to teach them about Earth media and its origins. You were like a walking dictionary of what was cool and what wasn’t, yet if they liked a character or plot that you didn’t, you welcomed the new opinion.

The three of you came to a busy crossing where you had to wait for the traffic lights to change. As you chattered away, the twins gave a small nod to each other, indicating that it was time for something they had been planning since Megatron’s defeat.

Bending down to your height, they simultaneously kissed your cheeks. Afterwards, your head swivelled from Jetfire to Jetstorm, who were both grinning triumphantly.

“I- I- Uh-” You opened your mouth to say something more, but nothing came out. Instead, in a rush of nerves, you crumpled to the floor in a faint.

Jetstorm picked you up, watching you curiously, “Brother, I think she may have-”

“-overheated, yes it seems to being that way,” Jetfire finished his brother’s statement.

“Do you think her cooling fans are to be working?”

“I am thinking that human fans may be slower than ours, brother.”

“Let us be carrying her home then.

“Yes, lets.”

With that, the twins took turns to carry you home, each eager to hear what you thought of their kiss once your heating systems returned to optimal condition.

Blurr zipped back and forth in front of your house, waiting for you to come home. He had repeatedly run this one stretch of path for four hours; he’d been at it so long that the path was a mess of tire marks and scraped concrete. Far too anxious to stop for even one second, Blurr remained a prisoner of his thoughts, running to keep a hold of his sanity.

During the war, Blurr was only consumed with thoughts about the Decepticons. Now that those dark times were behind him, Blurr had time to think about other things… mainly you. He’d always known that he had liked you as a friend. You were one of the few people that could keep up with his fast mind and faster mouth after all. However, he had only realised that very day that he liked you.

Blurr hated the anxiety of wondering what you would think of him romantically. It made him erratic, like there was a swarm of scraplets living in his brain, threatening to tear him open from the inside out. There was really only one solution and that was to tell you how he felt; whether you accepted or rejected his affections, Blurr would at least have an answer and that would be enough.

Finally, Blurr saw you coming around the corner of your street. He rushed forward to you and started jabbering.

“(Y/N),IhaveromanticfeelingsforyouandIthinkyoumayreturnthemifyoujustgivemeachance.Itdoesn’tmatterthatwe’refromtwodifferentspeciesifwedon’tletitmatter,therehavebeenweirdercouplesinthepast.Whati’mtryingtosayiswillyougooutwithme?”

You stared blankly at Blurr. Usually, you were able to keep pace with his fast talking but there was no way to understand the fast-paced speech he had just given you.

“Excuse me, what?” You asked, dumbfounded.

Panicked by the prospect of repeating himself over such a delicate manner, Blurr pressed his lips quickly against yours, pulling away just as fast to stare at you.

Only a few seconds later, blood started dripping down your nose. Blurr was sure he had hurt you, and cursed himself for his behaviour, starting a rant about human fragility, though you only caught snippets.

“BLURR!” You shouted exasperatedly, surprised that the usually confident bot was so nervous now. “I’m fine, it’s just a little nosebleed. I- I like you too.”

Blurr, somewhat exhausted from the override of emotions flopped onto the floor. After cleaning your nose up, you laid down next to him and the two of you relished a few minutes of calm, each momentarily lost for words.

Sari

You and Sari walked through the park on the way to meet the Autobots for a game of improvised baseball. As you talked, you noticed how subdued Sari was. She hadn’t been herself all day; clearly something was on her mind.

“A penny for your thoughts?” You asked, drawing her attention back to you.

Sari sighed, then forced a smile, “It’s nothing (Y/N), don’t worry about it. I guess I’m just distracted.”

“C’mon Sari, something’s bugging you. You may as well talk about it. I won’t judge, whatever it is.”

“I know you won’t. It’s just… I was thinking about by dad.” That first sentence seemed to unlock a flood-gate as Sari began spilling her guts, “I just worry that one day Megatron might want him back. What if he decides to take him again? My dad is totally defenceless, and he could end up building something way worse than a space-bridge. I get that it’s not likely, but I still worry, y’know?”

“Hey,” You said, grabbing Sari’s hand reassuringly. “It’s all gonna be okay. No more bad stuff is gonna happen to you, but if it did, then you’ll have the Autobots to help out, and me as well, even if I can’t punch Megadork through a wall.”

Sari giggled, and smiled at you. You always knew what to say. She only wished she had a way to show you how much you meant to her. Blushing at the idea that just crossed her mind, Sari kissed you before she could lose her nerve.

As soon as her lips left yours, you let out a nervous croak, fainting soon after. Sari stood over you for a minute.

“Hmm.” She prodded you a few times in a small attempt at waking you up. “That didn’t go exactly how I planned.”

She called the Autobots to let them know that she would be late to the baseball game due to an ‘unexpected delay,’ and then she laid down on the grass next to you, awaiting the moment you would regain consciousness.

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#tfa #transformers #transformers animated #maccadam #sari #jettwins #jetfire #jetstorm #bumblebee #blurr #sari x reader #jettwins x reader #jetfire x reader #jetstorm x reader #bumblebee x reader #blurr x reader #reader #reader insert #fanfiction #fanfic #blowing a gasket #Anonymous

[deeryloo]

this was supposed to be a more general post that looks at the similarities between xxxholic and supernatural overall, and while I still want to do that, honestly the only thing I can focus on today is the overlap between watanuki and dean, so that’s what we’re getting instead. 

i’ve been thinking a lot about what makes a character tragic. what makes their story sad. like, supremely, miserably, bone-achingly sad. and, okay, when i say i’ve been thinking a lot about what makes a character tragic, what i really mean is i’ve been thinking a lot about dean winchester and watanuki kimihiro. im rewatching supernatural with one friend, and im rereading xxxholic with another, and the experience is wild because all my wires are crossing in my brain, because dean and watanuki punch me in the gut in the exact same offensively upsetting way, and i really wanna talk about it.

i wanna talk about how the tragedy of dean winchester is that he spends 15 years stretching, like a rubber band, closer and closer to a realized sense of self, to then be repeatedly snapped back to his shitty self-esteem by the exterior forces on the show telling him (directly or otherwise) that he doesn’t deserve better. and that even after dean breaks completely free of his binds and starts to envision a life for solely just himself, he is left to die on a rusty nail and ultimately does not get to experience anything of that dream life of his own. 

and i wanna talk too about how watanuki spends the first half of his journey learning to see his own value, to respect the ways he impacts others, and to actually begin forming meaningful relationships with the people who care about him, only to ultimately sequester himself into a shop he can’t leave for the rest of eternity while the people he loves grow up and leave or die or marry each other so they can keep having kids for the specific purpose of giving watanuki company, so he, too, gets to experience nothing of a life of his own.

like, it’s their shared endings that do me in. maybe they don’t seem the same on the surface (dean dies and goes to heaven, watanuki lives forever in a multidimensional shop he can’t leave), but i feel like narratively the consequences are the same. the damage to viewers looking for a cathartic release is the same. because dean dying and going to a place where nothing changes, he owns nothing, he works for nothing, means the growth he’s allowed as a character has ended. dean died never knowing what it meant to live for himself. he died never knowing how sweet true freedom--from john, from michael, from amara, from chuck, whoever--could be. and, honestly, i think you could say the same for watanuki.

i really feel like yuuko wanted something else for watanuki. yuuko does everything she can to help him understand that his life has meaning and value beyond his own understanding of himself. she tries to get it through his head that acting like he doesn’t matter, sacrificing himself willy nilly--that hurts people. his actions don’t affect just himself. and despite yuuko (and others! the joro gumo, doumeki, SYAORAN to name a few) spending so much time on this with watanuki, watanuki just doesn’t get it. or he does, but decides not to accept it. and because watanuki is stopped in time, trapped in that shop by the series’ end, the growth he’s allowed as a character ends, too. he literally stops living for himself, instead living only for the faint wish yuuko might come back. and it’s terrible. 

there’s just this sense of lessons not really learned for both of them. dean dances for over a decade with the idea that he deserves to die, even if his deepest wish is to live. he toys with the idea of change, the idea of growth. and of course, he gets it to an extent. but the story never lets him really go for it. he’s given moments that indicate he’s ready for something more than hunting, something more than bloody death, but in the end he dies in a random accident and insisting this was always it for him. so what was dean’s true takeaway as a character? for audiences? did he ever really think he deserved something more? 

and for watanuki, I ask the same. so much of watanuki’s arc is about learning the power of kindness and love when offered to those who otherwise don’t receive it, including HIMSELF. he is told over and over again, and seems to believe himself, that he can no longer make choices for other people on their behalf, nor can he try and undo what others do on his behalf. but I really feel the hope is that in teaching this to watanuki, in teaching the power of his own actions for better and worse, that he will make the kind of choices that aren’t needlessly self-sacrificial, because the damage of those self-sacrificial choices is almost always greater than the benefit. so what are we to make of watanuki’s final choice to stay in the shop? “don’t vanish!” says syaoran, but watanuki does exactly that. he literally removes himself from the world, takes on yuuko’s mannerisms and dress, and quits engaging with anyone who isn’t doumeki and kohane. what is our takeaway then? what does watanuki learn about loving himself when he so easily denies himself a future for the sake a dead woman who is never, canon suggests, coming back?

there’s just such a gut wrenching softness to dean and watanuki. such a sense of perseverance in the face of loss and misfortune that drives me up the wall. and there’s such a clear love for each of them from the people around them, too. we’re all a little in love with Dean Winchester. we’re all a little in love with watanuki kimihiro. I keep thinking of Castiel’s words to dean in “despair.” about how he does everything for love, everyone knows it. and I see in my mind doumeki telling kohane about his secret promise to never let watanuki die alone, like that kitten he held by the river in the rain. just as cas and sam and garth and crowley and so many others are dedicated to dean, so are kohane and himawari and yuuko and doumeki dedicated to watanuki. the loyalty both these men inspire from us readers as well as other characters, because of the goodness of their hearts...it kills me that neither of them get to really see it for themselves. how loved they really are. they catch glimpses, but neither gets a life in which that love can really be lived in. it’s just another layer of tragedy they both carry. dean deserved better. watanuki deserved better. 

I could talk about a lot more, and maybe I will later, idk. the wider themes between the two texts, the parallels between castiel and doumeki, the ideas of hitsuzen and fate. but for now I guess I'll stop here. just looking at dean and watanuki is enough pain for one evening, I'd say. 

#I hope this made sense #supernatural #xxxholic #dean winchester #watanuki kimihiro #my thoughts

[archivistsammy]

i’ve been thinking a lot about what makes a character tragic. what makes their story sad. like, supremely, miserably, bone-achingly sad. and, okay, when i say i’ve been thinking a lot about what makes a character tragic, what i really mean is i’ve been thinking a lot about dean winchester and watanuki kimihiro.  im rewatching supernatural with one friend, and im rereading xxxholic with another, and the experience is wild because all my wires are crossing in my brain, because dean and watanuki punch me in the gut in the exact same offensively upsetting way, and i really wanna talk about it. this was supposed to be a more general post that looks at the similarities between xxxholic and supernatural overall, and while I still want to do that, honestly the only thing I can focus on today is the overlap between watanuki and dean, so that’s what we’re getting instead.

i wanna talk about how the tragedy of dean winchester is that he spends 15 years stretching, like a rubber band, closer and closer to a realized sense of self, to then be repeatedly snapped back to his shitty self-esteem by the exterior forces on the show telling him (directly or otherwise) that he doesn’t deserve better. and that even after dean breaks completely free of his binds and starts to envision a life for solely just himself, he is left to die on a rusty nail and ultimately does not get to experience anything of that dream life of his own.

and i wanna talk too about how watanuki spends the first half of his journey learning to see his own value, to respect the ways he impacts others, and to actually begin forming meaningful relationships with the people who care about him, only to ultimately sequester himself into a shop he can’t leave for the rest of eternity while the people he loves grow up and leave or die or marry each other so they can keep having kids for the specific purpose of giving watanuki company, so he, too, gets to experience nothing of a life of his own.

it’s their shared endings that do me in. maybe they don’t seem the same on the surface (dean dies and goes to heaven, watanuki lives forever in a multidimensional shop he can’t leave), but i feel like narratively the consequences are the same. the damage to viewers looking for a cathartic release is the same. because dean dying and going to a place where nothing changes means the growth he’s allowed as a character has ended. dean died never knowing what it meant to live for himself. he died never knowing how sweet true freedom–from john, from michael, from amara, from chuck, whoever–could be. and, honestly, i think you could say the same for watanuki.

i really feel like yuuko wanted something else for watanuki. yuuko does everything she can to help him understand that his life has meaning and value beyond his own understanding of himself. she tries to get it through his head that acting like he doesn’t matter, sacrificing himself willy nilly–that hurts people. his actions don’t affect just himself. and of course he can make his own choices, but he can’t do so pretending those choices won’t have consequences for others, too. and despite yuuko (and others! the joro gumo, doumeki, SYAORAN to name a few) spending so much time on this with watanuki, watanuki just doesn’t get it. or he does, but decides not to accept it. and because watanuki is stopped in time, trapped in that shop by the series’ end, the growth he’s allowed as a character ends, too. he literally stops living for himself, instead living only for the faint wish yuuko might come back. and it’s terrible.

there’s just this sense of lessons not really learned for both of them. dean dances for over a decade with the idea that he deserves to die, even if his deepest wish is to live. he toys with the idea of change, the idea of growth. and of course, he gets it to an extent. but the story never lets him really go for it. he’s given moments that indicate he’s ready for something more than hunting, something more than bloody death, but in the end he dies in a random accident and insisting this was always it for him. so what was dean’s true takeaway as a character? for audiences? did he ever really think he deserved something more?

and for watanuki, I ask the same. so much of watanuki’s arc is about learning the power of love when offered to those who otherwise don’t receive it, including HIMSELF. he is told over and over again, and seems to believe himself, that he can no longer make choices for other people on their behalf, nor can he try and undo what others do on his behalf. but I really feel the hope is that in teaching this to watanuki, in teaching the power of his own actions for better and worse, that he will make the kind of choices that aren’t needlessly self-sacrificial, because the damage of those self-sacrificial choices is almost always greater than the benefit. 

so what are we to make of watanuki’s final choice to stay in the shop? “don’t vanish!” says syaoran, but watanuki does exactly that. he literally removes himself from the world, takes on yuuko’s mannerisms and dress, and quits engaging with anyone who isn’t doumeki and kohane. what is our takeaway then? what does watanuki learn about loving himself when he so easily denies himself a future for the sake a dead woman who is never, canon suggests, coming back?

there’s just such a gut wrenching softness to dean and watanuki. such a sense of perseverance in the face of loss and misfortune that drives me up the wall. and there’s such a clear love for each of them from the people around them, too. we’re all a little in love with dean winchester. we’re all a little in love with watanuki kimihiro. I keep thinking of castiel’s words to dean in “despair.” about how he does everything for love, everyone knows it. and I see in my mind doumeki telling kohane about his quiet commitment to never let watanuki die alone, like that kitten he held by the river in the rain. just as cas and sam and garth and crowley and so many others are dedicated to dean, so are kohane and himawari and yuuko and doumeki dedicated to watanuki. the loyalty both these men inspire from us readers as well as other characters, because of the goodness of their hearts…it kills me that neither of them get to really see it for themselves. how loved they really are. they catch glimpses, but neither gets a life in which that love can really be lived in. it’s just another layer of tragedy they both carry. dean deserved better. watanuki deserved better.

I could talk about a lot more, and maybe I will later, idk. the wider themes between the two texts, the parallels between castiel and doumeki, the ideas of hitsuzen and fate. but for now I guess I’ll stop here. just looking at dean and watanuki is enough pain for one evening, I’d say.

#supernatural #xxxholic #dean winchester #watanuki kimihiro #holicnatural #our meta #this is SO NICHE but its like where i (amina) live so we all have to deal with it

[trashy-mctrash]

Leona Chan’s Harem - Part 1(Of 4)

This is a crack fic based on the random anime that @goldendeeeer1 and I designed on the twst server. The characters may seem ooc or ridiculous but keep in mind that that's the whole point. Sorry if there are any mistakes, its been a while since I wrote. Google docs was my proof reader so blame them. And with that please enjoy! :)

Disclaimer, naughty language. 

Leona Chan was never interested in love, why would he be. It's not like anyone would ever love him, people were always more drawn to his older brother so how could he trust anyone that claims to be interested in him. But he would be lying if he said at times he didn't crave the support or trust of someone he could truly be himself with. 

He sighed as he made his way to the dorm kitchen to grab something to eat before hedging to class. His plan was only to attend the first two lessons then nap in the greenhouse as usual wanting to avoid any drama that always seemed to happen at the school. 

“Oh so you finally decided to come out of your room Leona.” Ruggie greeted Leona as he sat down placing a plate of toast in front of him. “I thought you planned to spend all day sleeping. You used to always try and do that when we were kids.” Ruggie continued to rant on about their past while Leona decided to zone him out. Ruggie had been by his side since they were kids due to their similar beliefs and being outcasts, eventually becoming his close friend and part time mother with how much he nags at him. Despite the nagging, Leona knows that he can trust Ruggie even if Ruggie was only with him for his own gain. 

“Oi Leona if you don’t go now you’ll be late for class, you better get going else there would be no point in getting up at all.” said Ruggie snapping Leona out of his daze. “Shit you’re right, I’m heading out then” Leona exclaimed while grabbing a slice of toast and shoving it in his mouth  before running off. “Hey why don’t we-” Ruggie started but it was too late, Leona chan was already gone. If only he had stayed long enough to hear what he had to say. 

On his way to class Leona chan had bumped into his arch enemy, Malleus. He hated how much Malleus reminded him of his brother and was constantly seen as being better than him. Little did he know that Malleus in fact did not hate him but was inexperienced in expressing love and therefore believed that their constant teasing and arguing was a way of deepening their relationship which would hopefully blossom into love. 

Malleus called out to Leona. “Huh lost little kitty~” he smirked while crossing his arms. Leona rolled his eyes, not wanting to waste his energy on Malleus, “not as lost as you coat hanger, you’ve wandered quite far from the beast’s castle.” He walked away leaving Mallues laughing. “Hahaha, you’re as witty as ever...I can’t wait to make you mine” Mallues whispered as he watched Leona chan walk away, “after all I’m the only person capable of taming you.” 

However, unknown to the both of them there was someone else watching their interaction. Free range Azul had been following Leona chan waiting for the perfect opportunity to confess his feelings. Azul wasn’t stupid though, he was aware that Leona would never accept his feelings so he had been working hard to perfect a spell that would cause Leona chan to fall in love with him. After all with Leona’s strength and Azul’s brilliant mind, they could accomplish many great things together. It also helped that Leona chan was a prince meaning that he would be able to help fund all of Azul’s schemes. They were clearly destined to be together, at least that’s how free range Azul saw it. 

He would wait for Leona to go to the greenhouse for his nap and cast the spell on him. His plan was fool proof, no one else would be there to stop him. “Soon we'll be together my beloved. You aren’t aware of how much you need me but don’t worry, I’ll help you open your eyes to the truth.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Leona chan yawned as he made his way to the greenhouse, finally he could sleep and escape Rook’s creepy gaze. Seriously what was wrong with that guy, it’s like he was obsessed with him. On the plus side he hadn’t seen Malleus at all after their previous encounter, it's like he had disappeared. It's not like he cared if anything he was quite glad. 

As he headed to his favourite spot, he saw Azul already standing there. He was flashing his usual suspicious smile, the one that Leona hated. It lacked any true emotion and showed how Azul was always plotting causing Leona to be more on guard. 

“Ahhh Leona, I was hoping to see you here.” Azul made his way towards Leona still smiling. “There was actually something important I wished to discuss with you.” 

Leona skimmed his brain unable to think of any reason why Azul would want to see him. “What are you up to?” Leona asked, taking a step back. “Oh you wound me,” Azul wiped away a fake tear. “Accusing me of causing trouble after I went through the effort to come out here.” 

Azul walked forward standing right in front of Leona and looked up into his eyes. “Leona…I know this might seem odd for you but I can’t deny my heart’s desires anymore.” He placed his hand on Leona’s arm, stroking it gently while his eyes softened. “I love you. I wish for us to be together, my heart swoons everytime I see you and I’m always lost in those forest green eyes of yours losing the ability to properly express myself.” Leona started to freak out. What was Azul talking about? Love? Him and Azul? Impossible. They never got along, this had to be another scheme.

Leona shook off Azul's hand, “Look. Despite how I look and act, I hate playing with someone’s feelings.” He turned around staring to leave, “You can’t fool me. No one can love me so I’ll be going now. Go find someone else to toy with.” Shoving his hands into his pockets and walked off. A part of him heartbroken that Azul would try to deceive him with such a sensitive topic to him. Leona chan sniffled holding back his tears. 

Before Leona could walk out the greenhouse, he felt a tingly sensation in his chest. The feeling quickly spread to the rest of his body and made his vision hazy. His mind started to get fuzzy and feel extremely warm, sweat covering his forehead. He felt himself lose conscience only faintly being able to hear Azul. “Leona. I think you are mistaken. I love you and you love me. We will be together.” Azul appeared behind Leona who had collapsed on the ground. He knelt down lifting Leona chan’s chin gently to stare at his eyes. His previous green eyes now ruby red reflecting Azul’s sinister smile. “You love me too right?” he asked using his thumb to stroke Leona’s cheek. “O..of course Azul. I love you too” Leona whispered gazing longingly back at him as he nuzzled into Azul’s hand, “I want to be with you forever.”

Free range Azul laughed. He did it. Leona was all his and together they would rule as the most powerful couple in the world. No one could stop him. That was until he heard a rustle from a nearby bush. That wasn’t right, everyone should be in class right now so who could be here. Azul stood up bringing Leona with him who began cuddling him while purring. “It’s quite rude to spy you know,” Azul said, wrapping an arm around Leona, “show yourself.” Out of the bush appeared Ruggie carrying a sandwich and a drink. “My bad I just came here to find Leona to give him his snack and drag him back to class.” Ruggie looked down at Leona who was still burying himself in Azul and appeared to be oblivious to his entrance. “It looks I came at the right time, what did you do to Leona?” Ruggie demanded his hand crushing the sandwich causing it to crumble onto the ground. 

Azul chuckled, “me? Nothing. Leona just poured out his heart to me and I just reciprocated those feelings and well now we’re together.” Azul pulled in Leona closer who just mewled while staring lovingly back at him. “You must be so happy that he finally found true love since you're his best friend but your services are no longer needed.” Ruggie growled, this couldn’t be true. There was no way that Leona would love that slippery octopus. No Leona deserved someone better, someone who truly understood him and was always by his side...someone like him.  

“Get away from Leona!” Ruggie shouted. “I don’t know what you’ve done but you’ve clearly messed him up!” Azul looked at Ruggie with an umamused look, “is that so? If i had messed with Leona could I do this.” He turned towards Leona who was smiling back at him before moving his face closer to his lips. Leona closed his eyes leaning in to meet Azul’s, his eyes closing. Ruggie was enraged, he chucked the drink in his hand at Azul causing him to move away from Leona and tumble to the ground. Not giving him any time to process what happened, Ruggie ran and jumped onto Azul and began punching him repeatedly. “How dare you! I’ve stayed by his side through everything and had to keep my feelings for him bottled up to not get in the way of his dreams!” he began crying, his punches getting weaker. “Do you know how hard it is to always see Leona and not be able to hold his hand or kiss his soft cheek. Are you even aware of the way he smirks when he comes up with an idea or how his tail sways after he eats a meal? You know nothing about him! You could never fully love or appreciate Leona!”

Before Ruggie could continue, Leona pushed Ruggie off Azul and stood in front of him, leaving Azul passed out on the floor. “Please don’t hurt Azul I love him Ruggie” Leona cried out his own tears falling down his face. “I don’t know what he’s done but I promise you he means no harm.”

Ruggie stood there shocked. His eyes filled with tears and he stared at Leona. How could he have allowed this to happen? “Leona, I’m sorry. I only ever wanted to see you happy and your dreams come true.” He shankingly took a step towards Leona, “I knew that I never stood a chance to be with you, yet I couldn’t stop myself from falling in love with you. I don’t care if you don’t love me, I just want you to be with someone who I know will cherish you forever.” Ruggie started to sob heavily and his body began shaking. 

Leona was baffled. He was confused as to why Ruggie would be crying but for some reason he felt a deep pang in his heart. He reached out towards him, arms slowly wrapping around Ruggie. “Please don’t cry. I..I hate seeing you cry” he said as he stroked Ruggie’s hair. He moved Ruggie so that they were facing each other, for some reason looking at him made his heart hurt. He felt a sort of yearning. Before either of them realised it, they moved closer to each other. Their eyes closing as their lips gently grazed each other. Unable to control his urges anymore, Ruggie pushed forward and kissed leona. Leona’s lips tasted better than he thought, warm, wet and rough, he could taste the apricot jam he had that morning. Leona was lost in the kiss, his once fuzzy mind was clearing. Ruggie’s scent pulling him back to his senses. He opened his eyes shocked to see Ruggie staring back at him. Both of them jumped and pulled back.

“Wh..what the hell is going on?!” Leona demanded his fingers coming up to gently swipe across his lips. The last thing he remembered was moving to leave the greenhouse and then blank. Ruggie was confused too until he looked at Leona’s eyes to see the familiar green that he loved. “Uhhh to be honest I dont know,” Ruggie said as he moved his eyes away to stare at Azul laying there, “ask him.”

Leona turned around bending down to slap Azul across the face. Azul woke and slowly sat up and as he stared at Leona. “The spell. Did it wear off?” he asked cautiously. “Spell? You scumbag I knew you were up to no good.” Leaona was furious, how could he have let this happen. He looked to Ruggie for a proper explanation.  Ruggie sighed, “Azul had used some sort of spell that caused you to fall in love with him and I guess I tried to stop him.” “ So you kissed me?” Leona responded. Azul stood up dusting himself off, “ahh I see. It appears that true love’s kiss wins once again. How original” he sighed. “I guess I’ll be going now, but don’t worry Leona. I haven’t given up on us yet” and with that Azul left the two alone. 

“Man this day was exhausting, I’m heading to bed” Leona said. Ruggie was confused, “wait so you’re not gonna push more about the kiss?” “What do you want me to say? Thanks for the kiss Ruggie it tasted surprisingly sweet and good.” Ruggie was lost for words, “are you serious? After I poured my heart out to you?” Leona sighed and made his way to Ruggie, “don’t worry I’m just getting there. It was your voice that guided me back and it was your words that made me realise something.” Leona started to blush and fidget with his hands as he tried to gather his thoughts, “Ruggie. You were the only person who saw me for who I truly am and embraced both my good and bad. Despite my shit attitude you still supported me.” Ruggie grabbed Leona’s hands gently nudging him to go on. “This is hard for me to say so listen carefully as I’ll only say it once. I love you too Ruggie, You and your stupid laugh,” Leona mumbled. 

Ruggie’s eyes widened, he never dreamed that this day would ever come, “you do?” “Are you daft, what did I just say?” Leona glared at Ruggie as he began to laugh. “Wow. this is amazing ah.” Ruggie gave Leona a warm smile, “so.. Would it be too bold of me to ask you out then?” “I’d expect you too, after all what would be the point of sharing my feelings if I didn’t want to be with you?” Leona replied. “Ahh I’m so lucky to be dating a prince as charming as you~” Ruggie responded poking his cheek. Leona swatted his hand away before leaning towards Ruggie, “just shut up and kiss me.” And with that the two sealed their love with a kiss.

Meanwhile, outside the greenhouse a certain hunter gazed in at the two lovers kissing before walking away. He’d let Ruggie have this moment, it wouldn’t last long anyway.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst leona #twst ruggie #twst rook #twst azul #sorry its so long #leona kingscholar #ruggie bucchi #rook hunt #azul ashengrotto #twst malleus #malleus draconia #crack fic

[the-silentium]

Mentally dense

Masterlist

Pairing: Eddie Brock x Reader

Warning: Fluff, snow

Words: 1730 words

A/N: Gif is not mine, credits to the owner. Winter is here my friends! Yesterday was the first snow day in Ottawa, so enjoy this little one-shot  ♡

The first snow has finally taken hold of the city. Many drivers weren't ready for the sudden change causing more dense traffic than usual. The kids were crazy about the situation though. Who never saw the fresh snow and wished for schools to close? To their disappointment, schools were still open to fulfill their part of the parent-school contract, keep them in prison away from everything fun life has to offer. 

Fortunately for you, school was only a bad memory. No more sit and listen, no more y/n stop daydreaming and read page 361 for the class and most important of all, no more prepare for the Beep test. Goosebumps spread on your skin at the mere thought of it. 

No. You were free. And damn did that feel good.

A wet nose pushed your palm with enthusiasm, Brier your golden retriever had yet to experience his first snow. You smiled and crouched to your furry friend, petting his adorable face. 

"Ready for a walk big boy?" A joyful bark followed and the leash was on his collar in a second. 

At the second the door opened your whole body was pulled forward. You managed to close the door, but not without slamming it, making you cringe and mentally apologize to your neighbors. In a matter of second, you found yourself outside, the snow falling on your face slowly, wetting your cheeks. 

Brier started jumping in the air, trying to eat the snowflakes and sneezed when he put his nose in a pile of snow. Laughing at the cute view of him rolling in the white carpet, you gently pulled on the leash to get him to follow you. The dog park was from far his favorite place to play and your favorite place to be as of lately. 

You see, two weeks ago you met a friend of yours who has a dog as well. It was a routine for both of you to meet there every Friday morning. That day, she brings a friend with her. Eddie Brock. To say that he was handsome was an understatement. You heard your ovaries scream in delight while your brain started to overdrive. It wasn't enough that he had the perfect body and lips to turn you on, he also had to have the perfect personality. You definitely fell for him that day. And hard at that. 

To top it all, he came back the next Friday. You didn't know if it was because your friend Sasha had invited him after you had asked her if he was single or because he wanted to be here. You were happy anyway, having the opportunity to pass time with him them. 

Today, you secretly hoped that he would be there again and maybe you would find some courage to ask him to grab coffee with you someday. 

The dog park was almost empty by the time you got there. Usually, there was not a lot of people, just a few elders who were enjoying their retirement with their dogs and two young men who moved in the city recently and worked night shifts. The snow must have scared the older ones because only the two boys waved at you. You waved back, letting loose your golden fluff and let him play with their samoyed. 

Two hands slamming on your shoulders made you jump and scream. A laugh reached your ears just when you turned around to hit Sasha on her shoulder. 

"That wasn't nice." You glared, adjusting your scarf around your neck. 

"Maybe for you." She continued laughing. Her shiba inu, Elias, was jumping on you repeatedly, asking for your attention. 

You happily crouched to give him the love he deserved when a new set of shoes appeared in front of you. Lifting your eyes, you felt your heart skip a beat. It always surprised you how much the man had an effect on you. You put the blame on his cocky demeanor and handsome facial features, but deep down you knew. His cocky smile was your weakness and let's say it, the mere sight of his lips was enough to make you shake in the inside. 

"Hey." He watched you from above, hands in the pockets on his jeans, a light redness across his kissable cheeks and his ever-present lopsided grin. 

You shot up and smiled when your brain finally registered the information. He was here again, as you had wished, resulting in your courage fleeing by the window in a hurry and leave you all alone. 

You hoped you weren't blushing and returned his greeting. Elias started to whine for attention at his feet and soon enough the man was throwing a ball to the now leashless dog. 

Only now did you really took in his clothing. You frowned in concern when all you could see on him was a black t-shirt. Well, he had a pair of jeans and shoes with socks, but no jacket or even a hoodie to protect himself from the cold weather. He was wearing a t-shirt at minus 5 celsius. You loved winter, but even you wore big socks at home with a big hoodie most of the time. Let's now imagine how many layers you put on to go outside.

"Eeeh. Sasha?" She hummed, turning towards you. "Won't he get cold?" You pointed at the source of your concern and object of your desire. 

"Oh. He is mentally dense. It's good isolation." You thought about it for a moment, both of you watching him play with the three dogs. 

"Make sense." You nodded and made eye contact with her. The laugh caught the both of you at the same time, catching a certain someone's attention. It has been a while since you laughed like that and damn did it feel good. 

"Seriously though. We argued for a good ten minutes, but this thick skull of his wouldn't understand anything. He said he wouldn't get cold." She scoffed, rolling her eyes. "He better not come to me when he gets sick." 

"Did I miss something?" Eddie's head tilted on the side, eyes searching yours. You couldn't stop but notice that he only watched you for an answer and completely ignored Sasha. That was it. The blush heating your cheeks forced you to lift your scarf in an attempt to hide it. Noticing your problem, your ever-loyal friend came to your rescue.

"Y/N wanted to grab a coffee on her way back but she forgot her wallet." 

You failed to find the funny part of it but definitely caught on the fact she was setting you up. Your first instinct was to punch her on the shoulder again but you quickly thought better of it. Maybe it would work. Maybe you could have more time with Eddie Brock and finally make a move. So you played the game. 

Putting an embarrassed smile on, you shook your head. 

"But it's not a big deal. I'll wait to get home before getting my coffee. At least I have my keys." You chuckled and met his gaze.

"You know what? There's a really nice café on my way home. Maybe I could buy you coffee and we could, I don't know, talk a bit more or plan a dinner?" He scratched his neck, a new shade of red spreading across his cheek. You couldn't decide if it was because of the cold or because he was seemingly asking you out and seriously, you couldn't care less. "Only if you want!" He quickly added. 

"I would really like that." Your warm smile made him relax and beam in return.

You started chatting, only stopping when Sasha bided you goodbye. You put the leash back on Brier's collar and followed Eddie to his café. To your surprise, his hand grabbed yours on the way there. You had figured that he must have been freezing, but you never saw him shiver or heard him complain about the cold. Now, with his hand in yours, you figured why. He was hot. It was like he hadn't passed 45 minutes in the cold, but had stayed near a furnace. Or maybe he was the furnace. You have heard Sasha complain about her last boyfriend who was a human heating system, maybe it was that. 

Accepting the explanation, you wrapped your fingers around his and enjoyed the feeling of your hand warming up slowly. 

----

You learned so much about him at the café and it did not help you in your goal to stop idealizing him. It's just that everything about this guy was perfect! His mom would have been really proud. 

He walked you home like a gentleman, your hand secured in his left hand when Brier's leash was in his right. The walk was silent, you both enjoying the presence of the other. Your home came into view too quickly in your liking but you couldn't help it. You were sure that if you took a turn to walk around the neighborhood, he would notice. At your doorstep, you both paused. You allowed your dog to get in to warm up his paws while you stayed outside, wondering what to do next.

"Soooo… If I was to ask you to dinner, would you accept?" He sounded so hopeful that your mental self started a little victory dance in your head. 

"I would definitely accept Mr. Brock." 

"I'll be there at 7 then." He kissed your cheek, whispered something in your ear and walked away from your stunned form. 

You slowly got in and stayed in place for a minute, assimilating what just happened. He kissed you. It felt like heaven. His lips were so soft and you couldn't stop yourself but imagine them on your lips. Then, it hit you. Removing your boots quickly, you ran to your bedroom and jumped into your bed, Brier following suit. You grabbed your pillows and hugged them tightly in glee, in embarrassment and in hope. 

"And you won't need your wallet. You can leave it at home for real this time."  

You reached into the pocket of your winter jacket and got out your wallet. It was a small one and your pocket was big enough that it would have been impossible for him to know you had it on yourself. You started giggling, looking forward to your diner with this oh so perfect man.

Tag List: @slither-in-a-half @a-frozen-bag-of-corn​ @noshi-chan

#venom x reader #eddie brock x reader #winter is here #dogs are precious #eddie is stubborn #but we love him

[multiverseforger]

Fav game character

Tina and her parents were sold to Hyperion to become test subjects for Jack's slag mutation experiments, an event which led to the deaths of her parents. She escaped their fate using a grenade that she had hidden in her dress at her mother's insistence, and once she was free of Hyperion's reach she vowed revenge on the man that had sold her family: Flesh-Stick.

Involvement

Borderlands 2

Tiny Tina's demolitions expertise is called into action when a Hyperion supply train believed to be carrying a Vault key needs to be stopped. With that objective in sight, she then sets the Vault Hunters to the task of finding two rockets (which she refers to as 'badonkadonks') to carry a 'suicide'-bomber toy each, and then to set them on target.

Her collaboration with the Vault Hunters continues when she has them gather items and guests for a very special tea party. During the final mission Tina will contact the Vault Hunters and wish them luck in stopping Hyperion and even reads them a poem repeatedly telling the Vault Hunters to 'kill Jack'.

Mr. Torgue's Campaign of Carnage

Tina appears in a supporting role in Mr. Torgue's Campaign of Carnage. Initially she is hired by Mad Moxxi to help the Vault Hunters train prior to battling Motor Momma, but also asks their assistance in obtaining the autograph of her third favorite mass-murderer, Sully the Stabber, as well as walking her "puppy", a Badass Fire Skag named Enrique. She also provides commentary on many of the Vault Hunters' actions throughout the course of the DLC.

Tiny Tina's Assault on Dragon Keep

Tina takes on the role of the 'Bunker Master' for the game 'Bunkers & Badasses', where she is shown to be bad at this, by fumbling in such ways as creating impossible fights early on and not balancing the gameplay in certain areas. The real problems underlying Tina's mental state (at that time) start becoming more apparent as the player progresses, being obsessed with eating only crumpets and constantly trying to insert a manifestation of the now deceased Roland whenever she wants to, to the dismay of the other Vault Hunters. Tiny Tina's character develops over the course of the campaign and she learns to accept Roland's death.

Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel

Tina makes her first appearance during the game while Lilith was interrogating Athena, inviting the Vault Hunters to play another round of Bunkers and Badasses, but was turned down. Later, after Athena finishes telling her story, Tina introduces herself and requests Athena to tell a story about fighting a raid boss. As she had no idea what a raid boss was, she "came up" with a story about fighting one (in this case, the raid boss being an enhanced version of The Sentinel). After that, Tina requests Athena to tell the story of her working for Handsome Jack again.

Borderlands 3

At the time of Borderlands 3, Tina is presumed to be around 20 years old. She is still part of the Crimson Raiders B-Team along with Brick and Mordecai. The team is hired by Wainwright Jakobs to rescue his partner Sir Hammerlock, but after they fail to report back on their progress, Jakobs requests the Vault Hunter to go The Anvil to investigate setting up the story mission Hammerlocked. Tina's code name during the mission is 'Crunk Bunny'. Tina requests 'ingredients' for her 'Pizza' (bomb), composed of 'sauce' (nitroglycerin), 'onions' (wires) and 'ham' (a detonator). She then asks the Vault Hunter to deliver the pizza, which is to blow up the door to the structure where Hammerlock is being held. After successfully rescuing Hammerlock, she declares that the B-team's work is done and they leave Eden-6. Tina is found later on Devil's Razor back on Pandora, where she or Brick will give the mission Boom Boom Boomtown. She asks the Vault Hunter for help in winning back their new home and base of operations, recently named by Tina as "Boom Town", by fighting off COV that have been sneaking in thru a tunnel that Brick is keeping the COV locked inside.

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Appearances

Borderlands 2

Mr. Torgue's Campaign of Carnage

Tiny Tina's Assault on Dragon Keep

Commander Lilith & the Fight for Sanctuary

Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel

Borderlands 3

Quotes

"Come on iiiin, you are missing the Fuun!"

"All around the Sta-actus plant, the stalker chased the bandit, the stalker thought 'twas all in fun - POP! Goes the bandit!"

"Oh haiiii!"

"Roland told me you were comin' - I still owe him for all that buttcrap with General Rancid. So, you gotta hijack a train, hunh? Chiiild's play! Lemme introduce you to my ladies."

"Runnin', runnin', runnin', I'm runnin' over here, run, run, run-run, run."

"This here's Mushy Snugglebites, and this is Felicia Sexopants. These fiiiine-ass womens could stop that train for yas, but I'ma need their badonkadonks first, and they got stoled by the bandits a few days ago. Go get 'em!"

"Naptime!"

"That's right, bitches - my big brudder's about to teach you some MANNERS. Nobody steals Mushy Snugglebites' badonkadonk and lives!"

"That's Mushy Snugglebites' badonkadonk. She's my main squeeze. Lady's got a gut fulla' dynamite and a booty like POOOW!"

"Got the badonkadonks? Best day evaaaa. Bring 'em back here and I'll use 'em to make some fine-ass damsels who can hijack that train for yas."

"Hey I told ya'z to get outta heeya, get out or do I gotta shank a bitch?"

"Get-outta-my-shop-or-I'll-punch-yo-butt. That's-how-Tiny-Tina-roll."

"(Singing) Put a little bomb in the hot ass damsel, blow stuff up and make people die."

"I'm a little teapot, bloody and cut. Here is my handle and here is my butt.*explosion noise* Oops."

"Squishy. Squishy squishy squishy."

"Oh daaaaaayum, you lookin' good, ladies. Let's get to work."

That's right. Twin sisters, man. Hhhahhhhhh. Take 'em. Take 'em take 'em take 'em take 'em."

"Just put my damsels near the choo-choo track and set 'em off! Good plan? Great plan!"

"You're cordially invited BITCH!!!"

"When you are ready to begin the Tea-Party, please smack Mister Flesh Stick in his bitch face."

"Gonna eat so many goddamn crumpets, it's going to be a Crumpocalypse."

"Ten... Nine..." *launches rockets* "I got bored."

"BURN ALL THE BABIES!!!!!"

(Cute yawning noise)

"Make it RAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN!"

"Sup, sucka? It's Tina. I wrote you a poem and it goes a little somethin' like this BREAK IT DOWN. Ahem. Kill Jack. Kill Jack. Kill Jack kill Jack kill Jack KIIIILL JAAAAACK! Kill Jack. A poem by Tiny Tina."

"Climb the pipe to the train or you'll go insane wut wut. That's a rap song I wrote."

"Get some cookies, so you can eat 'em and grow up big and strong and kick Piston in the butt-butt."

"Real badasses eat chocolate chip cookies, I'ma gonna get that tattooed across my back in Old English font."

"Wait a minute. Those cookies weren't chocolate chip. Those...are...raisins. WHYYYYYY-HY-HYYYYY?! SHAWTY, DESTROY ALL THE FOOD DISPENSERS! WIPE THE RAISIN ABOMINATIONS OFF THE MAP! I JUST WANTED CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES! WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE?"

"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. Do you know who just arrived in Beatdown? SULLY THE STABBER! He's my THIRD favorite mass-murderer in the ENTIRE WORLD! You HAVE to go get his autograph for me."

"Get his signature on this. Please. PLEASEpleasepleasepleasepleaseplease! If you don't get his autograph I'm gonna DIEEEEE. He's my favoritest. He killed every living person on the Bathymas with nothing but a rusty butterknife. If you don't take it I'm gonna start crying. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. [making a song out of it] oh-baby please please PLEASE! That was 'Please' by Tiny Tina with Vault Hunter on bass."

"He said...no? Well. There's only one thing to do -- look him in the eye, nod politely, and KILL THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF HIM!"

Commander Lilith & the Fight for Sanctuary

While idle

Some of the idle chats are mission related and can't be heard again once the mission in question is completed.

"You come up in my face, and you DON'T GOT BOMB PARTS, you KNOW I'm throwing hands."

"Oh, hello! I didn't see you there. I was just on an important mission to save my friends and AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE DOING THE SAME THING?!"

"Gonna go blat-blat-blat on the vine-freaks. \n Rat-tat-tat till their brain leaks. \n Chill, girl, just droppin' some bars. Go do the thing."

"I wanna shoot the cannon again! AGAIN! But Lil said no. BLEEPING CURSE WORDS!"

"You kiddos killed that butt-bot so, so good! (cackle) Butt-bot."

"Come on, Mordy. You got this! You gonna be all right."

"MORDY'S ALL BETTER AND ELLIE FIXED THE CAMP'S COFFEE MACHINE AND I CAN'T STOP YELLING ABOUT EITHER ONE OF THOSE THINGS!"

"Yo yo yo. You kill that vineyman up on vineyville yet?"

"I left some reeaaal sexy bombs back on Sanctuary. Oh, just thinkin' bout 'em... come on, think about 'em with me. Yeeeeeah. Together now. Hohhhhh."

"That. Was. The BIGGESTEST BOOM OF ALL TIME! Gotta give it to Lilly-of-the-valley, she knows how to kill a baddo in style."

"Seriously, though. Vaulty-Vault, you was there for me in the dark times. That's fo' life."

"So, just saying, it's probably my birthday, and you ain't got me nothing. Mini-moonshot cannon. Just wanna put that in your head."

Notes

The photo of Tina and Roland

She is introduced as an old friend of Roland's and she has a picture of them together in her room. Roland also mentions beforehand that, "I've saved her life a few times, and she has saved mine more times than I can count."

In Borderlands 2, there are a few unique weapons that are associated with Tiny Tina. These weapons include pink hearted camouflage and/or stuffed bunny image decals.

Teapot

Cobra

Boom Puppy

Tina's voice is performed by Ashly Burch, sister of Anthony Burch - lead writer of Borderlands 2. (The two are also a part of the web series Hey Ash, Whatcha Playin'?.) She is also credited with the voice of the cursed gun, Bane.

Tina has unusual gender-specific dialogue, referring to both male and female Vault Hunters as "girl". She also makes a number of sexual comments in an appreciative manner in regards the female members of her tea party, whilst during the Assault on Dragon Keep storyline she confesses to liking Maya in The Siren's invitation, asking if Maya likes her in turn. Additionally, her original motivation for helping the Vault Hunters train for Mad Moxxi was going to be due to her having a crush on Mad Moxxi.

Tina switches verbal mannerisms frequently. Her speech styles include a stereotypical inner-city American speech pattern, little girl speech patterns, stereotypically pretentious British English speech, to randomly violent and murderous speech, and others.

Trivia

There is an Easter egg related to Hey Ash, Whatcha Playin'? in the Mr. Torgue's Campaign of Carnage. On the back of Tiny Tina's bus is a pixel drawing of Papa Burch riding a unicorn from the HAWP episode 'Sleep Is Death'.

Roland recognizes her as one of the greatest demolitions experts on Pandora and a picture of the two can be seen inside of her home.

Tiny Tina is mentioned by Brick on a mission in Sawtooth Cauldron as he recalls carrying her on his shoulders as they fought together. In the end credits, it is shown that they worked together again in this manner cleaning out the remaining Hyperion forces.

ExotropiaTina has an intermittent exotropia (lazy eye) in her left eye. This was originally due to a glitch, but the developers enjoyed it, so they purposefully left it in. This has also passed on to Borderlands 3, as her left eye will occasionally twitch while talking.

In NowGamer, an interview revealed that there is part of a mission removed from the main game involving Tina. Originally, when telling of Roland's death, the players were to head out to Tiny Tina's home and tell her the sad news. It described her being deeply affected by it, thanking the players for telling her, asking them to leave, and locking herself in her workshop to mourn. Anthony Burch, lead writer and the source of this news, says they regret they could not include this scene into the game. It was supposed to be the only moment in the game she loses her peppy mania [1].

Her tea party place card is labeled "Lady Tina of Blowupyourfaceheim"

On May 24, 2013, Tina took over the @ECHOcasts Twitter (previously owned by Krieg).

Tiny Tina's parents have officially been confirmed dead as of the sixth episode of Inside the Box, entitled "Fart Jokes and Tragedy".

In the Commander Lilith & the Fight for Sanctuary DLC, Tiny Tina, Mordecai and Brick form a team simply named "The B-Team".

Tiny Tina refers to Brick as "Brick-papa" and Mordecai as "Mordy-mom". This is further mentioned when Brick says "Don't talk like that to your mom." to Tina.

It is revealed in Sheega's All That that Sheega is an ex-girlfriend of Tiny Tina.

ECHO logs in Devil's Razor reveal that Tiny Tina has dated multiple individuals, broke up with all of them, and staged a wedding to make money from the wedding gifts sent by her exes.

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[lifeofbouyd]

Vagina Man

Dear Bouyd,

Have you been in a situation you wish you were able to explain, but no matter how you try you’re blank? Well, that’s me. I woke up in the hospital with a broken jaw bone and several stitches to my face and I still can’t seem to understand what happened. Like I saw it, I felt it, but as to why it happened, I really don’t know. Maybe you can help me figure this out.

I started high school as a typical nerd. I had an idea of what and how to do to get girls, but when the time came to approach a girl, I was all theory with no sense of application. My cousins would always tell me, “don’t get stuck on the non-fuck truck”. Tell her straight you want to fuck and she’ll let you bang her in no time. It sounded pretty easy. They’ve done it pretty easily, but I just couldn’t. I was at a school where you either a bad man or a punk. It wasn’t easy to be a bad boy. After all, I just wanted to make my mom proud of me. Do my work, win some scholarships and probably get some pussy along the way. Who doesn’t want the best for both worlds? I started school when Bouyd and his gang were sentenced to community service for turning the school upside down a few months prior to my arrival. These niggas would knock you out without a second thought, yet all the girls chased behind them. Bouyd had the best girls from my class which left me with nothing but the scrubs. This nigga was wearing a Gucci jacket, Desert Kicks and the latest school bags. I figured it was his swag that got him the girls so I adjusted my closet. My best friend and I started dressing like the bad guys, acting tough and talking slick to chicks. To my surprise, they actually noticed me. Girls finally wanted to be friends. I transitioned from a nerd to a vagina man in no time. My friend and I would always look chicks in pairs, that way we would always end up banging on the same enz.

I remember being in physics class one day, chilling, holding a vibe and flirting as always when a chick approached me. She had heard that my dick was big and wanted to see it. She wanted to see if what the girls were saying was true. If there’s one thing I’m sure I proud of, it would be the size of my dick. I was blessed with this mighty rod which I thank god for every day. I pulled her to the corner and flipped my pipe out. She stroked it until it was super hard. She consistently bit her lips while she stoked it. I wanted to fuck her then and there but she was too afraid. “I can’t take this dick right here”, she said. She claimed she’d cry too much so I should meet her in the evening at the empty lab on the other side. I didn’t even hesitate to show up. I had my best friend on the lookout while I got my dick wet. She wrapped her mouth around the head and slowly went back and forth. Holding it with both hands. She thrust harder and harder as if she wanted me to cum. She nibbled my nuts and made my tummy feel uneasy from the excitement. She had me sit on a chair then sat on top of me, riding like a rodeo. She was tight, almost Virgin if you asked me. She moaned like a cat and vibrated like a vintage alarm clock. She soaked my cock with her dripping pussy. She turned back way and told me to fuck her hard, but after the first hard stroke, she changed her mind. She laid flat on one of the experiment tables and I went on top. I watched her eyes roll back to her brain every time she had an orgasm. She pushed me off and started thrusting with her hands and mouth again. Faster and faster. My knees started getting weak, my head started feeling faint, my dick started swelling. I was about to explode. Should I tell her? I don’t think she’d mind swallowing my kids. The moment I exploded, the door was pushed open. It was my physics teacher staring us both dead in the eyes.

Teacher: 😳🤔😏🤤

Me: 🍆💦 😳🤭🤫😏

Her: 💦🤤🙃😳😊🤫

He laughed and walked away as if he saw nothing. There was cum on her face, clothes and in her hair. She washed her face and ran out. I couldn’t help but laugh about what had happened. My friend who should’ve been watching out was nowhere to be found. It’s a good thing it wasn’t the principal, or my goose would have been served cooked. He said he had gone next door with a girl which I highly doubted, but, fuck that. We laughed about it. That shit made me even more famous. Girls kept coming to see my dick and I kept filling their desires. I remember this new girl joining our class in eleventh grade. She was beautiful and I wanted her bad, but my friend Akeem wanted her too. We decided we’d have a contest and may the best man win. Whoever she chose we’d both accept it and live with it. We both tried everything to get her and eventually she chose me. Akeem didn’t seem pleased. He said he was but his actions said differently. The bond we used to have was no longer there. He became distant and one worded. He tried everything to avoid having a conversation with me. Sashakay could give no fucks about him, so, why should I? She’d kiss me in front of him to make him jealous or sit in my lap to make him move. Whenever she wasn’t there he would humor my conversations. I’ve known this dude almost all my life and I expected him to always be there for me. He said he would be, just like I was always there for him. She bragged to her friends about how I fucked her which made her friends want to fuck me too. I called him a few times to join in the fun which he did. But at the end of the day,he brought my name back to her. I then realized he wasn’t with me anymore so I decided to let him be.

Bouyd had graduated the year before so we were now the ones holding down the fort. Chicks were coming from every angle and I was fucking them in every position. I guess this is what he hated me for. Living the life he wanted. But how can he blame me? We had all this together and he decided to bring personal feelings to the table. Shit 😔. I lost my friend before I knew it. We had our final exams coming up and he had borrowed some of my tools that I needed for the exam a few months back. I asked him for them and he claimed he had nothing for me. I didn’t make a fuss, I just got myself a new set. This dude came to the exam with my tools and acted as if he had bought them. The same tools he said he didn’t have. I decided I’d let him use them then take them after. They were mine and we were no longer friends so I needed my stuff. I approached him after the exam and asked him for my stuff, but he didn’t even look at me. He walked away not giving a shit about anything I had said. I saw him again that day at a vendor’s stall getting an orange. I again asked him for my stuff and he started shouting, and talking all kind of shit; so I just told him to keep it. I walked away only to get slapped across the back of my neck. I fell to the ground in that instant. I had no idea what hit me or who. I turned around trying to get my self off the ground only to be greeted by bullet speed fists. I tried shielding my face but fists came from every angle. I got punched in the eye and everything went dark. I reopened my eyes to a room with a big window and drapery that seemed old fashioned. The bed was way too small to be my own and it even had bars. I was shocked out mind. How did I get here? Where am I? I tried talking but my mouth couldn’t open. I looked to my left to see the needles in my hand and the “heart machine thingy” beeping. That’s when I realized I was in the hospital. He had knocked me the fuck out. I woke up three days after the beating I got. I heard he punched me repeatedly until I was bleeding through my nose and my mouth. Some say he was trying to kill me, some say I was dead. I heard he was kicked off by the famous “Caney”, a vendor at the gate. I heard I was there bleeding out for a while before I was rushed to the hospital. I didn’t know what or who to believe. To be honest, I still can’t believe that he did that to me though. I didn’t even approach him with any fighting intentions. All I wanted was to get my stuff back. I knew I was in the hospital but I didn’t realize I was at KPH until I was leaving. It was way worst than I had imagined.

Since then I keep friends on a thin line. Can’t trust these niggas these days. Pussy feelings is a heavy load to be bringing around, yet still, some of them do it so well. I learned that its best to do your stuff by yourself. Keep who you fucking silent and who you dating invincible. The less people to know your business, the safer you are. Don’t be like me and get your ass handed to you, and please don’t be like him. If you’re not happy about your friend dating the girl you want, just say so. Don’t pretend to be happy and want to kill your friend at the same time. It’s just pussy. Every woman has one.

Yours Truly,

Vagina Man

[quakerjoe]

A CUPPA JOE for SUNDAY 13 MAY 2018

This morning, one of our "brothers" here at Quaker Joe threw this quip into a thread "Christianity is under attack in America." It got me thinking, actually and I wondered: 

By whom?

Seriously, I'd love to know. Most #Muricans claim to be "Christian", even if they don't act like they are. It sounds to me, to be perfectly honest, that the ones attacking Christianity are those from within, not from any outside sources. Bogus "Christians" vote for sexual predators carrying a cross. They INSIST on rampant gun ownership, because that's what Jesus would want, right? They back trump because a thief, adulterer, and con man who sexually assaults women is God's Chosen, right?

For "Christians", here in the US, they're awfully anti-Christ in nature. That's how they present themselves; as bullies and judgmental mega-assholes. Instead of "love they neighbour" or "love they enemy" or "judge not", they openly attack anyone not like them. They've been attacking one another since before we were a nation; one "brand" of Jesus versus another. They've attacked and murdered Jews, Blacks, Muslims, Sikhs, Atheists, the LGBTQ community, have supported Misogyny, were the founding backers of slavery, native American genocide... "Christians" in #Murican history have repeatedly proven, through our entire history as a nation, that the word "Christian" doesn't mean what they say it means.

The religion, like religions before it, is waning, mostly because people of compassion, empathy and reason have caught on that the religion is corrupt, rife with hypocrisy, and should be walked away from and avoided. Nobody's attacking it; people are trying to defend themselves AGAINST it. You don't get to be a bully to everybody and when they stand up to cry about how you're being attacked and play the victim when you {the religion} brought it upon yourselves. If you want to be a true, honest Christian, it comes at a price: HONESTY. Most Christians have never read their bible except for select, cherry picked slices of it that back whatever it is they personally wish to believe, and using the Old Testament is simply WRONG. 

I could go on all day about this, but I've got other shit to do today. The bottom line is this. Christians in the US have been fighting against themselves since forever, and they openly shit on everybody else not Christian. People are getting sick of it. Standing up to a group of disingenuous, right wing nutjobs who flail about in a pile of hypocritical fecal matter is NOT attacking Christianity, it's calling liars out on their bullshit because they are NOT real Christians. We were warned in the Scriptures that there would be false prophets and that the masses would be blinded by them and follow them. "Christians" in #Murica do nothing about it. Satan, if he's real, could show up, fool them all, and most #Murican Christians would line up in droves to serve because they've been trained to knee-jerk react, get angry and to simply NOT THINK or QUESTION or analyze fuck-all anything. They've turned their backs on the divine, slapped Jesus' teachings in the face and punched them in the balls and then spat on him when he was down because that's how they handle things; not with love, acceptance or peace, but by casting stones even though they are not free from sin themselves.

People are catching on. People are rejecting them. People have had enough of the hypocrisy, the lies, and the bossy, pushy bullying and their infiltration into politics in order to push agendas that promote hate and fear, murder and rape, and a constant division among our fellow citizens and our neighbours. Christians are the only terrorists that anyone with half a brain in the US should worry about, and that is why we're standing up, for ourselves, for our nations, and for those who don't just talk the talk but walk the walk, for the sanctity of Christ's teachings because there are a FEW honest, genuine Christians out there who see this too and they're siding with those who most claim are "attacking Christianity". Thank you George, for getting the mind going while I was having my morning coffee. I know it was a quip, but I did find it engaging and the answer was probably longer than you'd expected.

I'd like to leave you all with this, since this has turned into a Cuppa Joe for this week instead of the one I'd prepared earlier in the week. I'd mentioned that the Bible itself mentions false prophets, so, as the former Christian that I am, let me leave you with some samples of what “the good book” had to say on the matter.

Ezekiel 13:9

"My hand will be against the prophets who see false visions and utter lying divinations. They will not belong to the council of my people or be listed in the records of Israel, nor will they enter the land of Israel. Then you will know that I am the Sovereign LORD."

Jeremiah 23:16

"This is what the LORD Almighty says: “Do not listen to what the prophets are prophesying to you; they fill you with false hopes. They speak visions from their own minds, not from the mouth of the LORD."

Here's one for Little Donny POTUS:

LUKE 6:26

"Woe to you when everyone speaks well of you, for that is how their ancestors treated the false prophets."

Here's one I'd like to dedicate to Congress in particular...

Matthew 24:24

"For false messiahs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect."

Matthew 16:11-12

"How is it you don’t understand that I was not talking to you about bread? But be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees.” Then they understood that he was not telling them to guard against the yeast used in bread, but against the teaching of the Pharisees and Sadducees.

Matthew 7:15-20

"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them."

2 Timothy 4:3-4

"For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths."

Acts 20:28-30

"Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God, which he bought with his own blood. I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock. Even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them."

2 Peter 3:14-18

"So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with him. Bear in mind that our Lord’s patience means salvation, just as our dear brother Paul also wrote you with the wisdom that God gave him. He writes the same way in all his letters, speaking in them of these matters. His letters contain some things that are hard to understand, which ignorant and unstable people distort, as they do the other Scriptures, to their own destruction. Therefore, dear friends, since you have been forewarned, be on your guard so that you may not be carried away by the error of the lawless and fall from your secure position. But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen."

When talking about false prophets, this is where it gets sketchy, because the "good book" also grants you permission to shit on people not of your religion, be judgmental, and if taken in the right context, allows you to kill the infidels. I give you the book of John, that sketchy, over-the-top nutjob. He was never one of my favourites. He always seemed a bit of a war pig to me. In retrospect, he sounds a lot like trump trying to sell you his brand in a way that demands total belief in what he said and to attack anyone who says otherwise.

1 John 4:1-6

"Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world. You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. They are from the world and therefore speak from the viewpoint of the world, and the world listens to them. We are from God, and whoever knows God listens to us; but whoever is not from God does not listen to us. This is how we recognize the Spirit of truth and the spirit of falsehood."

There are more, if you bother to read the Bible and really look, and the warnings are clear to those with an open heart AND MIND. Sadly, that's too much to ask from 21st century #Muricans who think themselves devout. ~Joe

[art-to-fart-blog]

8 Books That Hit All The Pressure Points

During the past few months, I somehow have managed to set up a streak of books that have repeatedly punched me in the brain and guts, leaving me gasping for air, and sprawled on the floor covered in tears. 

Stories unlike any other. Deeply moving. Stories that I will forever remember, in their uniqueness, in their lessons, their intensity and power. (The list is from least intense to the most, so please bear that in mind.)  Also, most of the movie adaptations on these novels actually do the stories justice so I also recommend those.

They have opened my eyes. 

(P.S: Some of them contain themes that are not recommended for sensitive readers. Like real sh*t.)

1.  Wonder - R.J Palacio

A story that stayed true to its title, from the first word until the very last. A wonder that left me wondering (that’s so cheesy... I have the faintest of feelings that has been said quite a few times before)  

 A story about strength, perseverance, truth and acceptance, that has definitely left me smiling through my tears. A story with such compassion, so heart-felt and heart warming that I got a heart burn :D (I am so sorry) . It is a book that teaches invaluable lessons, that when you close it you want to go up to your loved ones, hug them tightly and never let go.

A story about August, a boy with a rare facial appearance, going into fifth grade after being home schooled for most of his life. His greatest wish: only to blend in.  People always look twice in his direction, adults pull their children away in fear, kids bully him. A ten year-old alone in the world...

2. A Monster Calls - Patrick Ness

I have read this book in three hours. I have cried for three days afterwards.  A darkly funny tale of grief, denial and horrors, that are both real and not.

A tree stands atop a hill, everyday outside his window, always there in his dreams. Haunted, Connor is haunted by that monster in his nightmares that seem too real to be true. It all began after his mother had started her treatments. What can it possibly want from him? The truth. Only the dangerous and terrifying truth.

3. Fahrenheit 451 - Ray Bradbury

After reading and loving 1984 by George Orwell, everyone whom I asked for book recommendations of the same genre has said, “READ FAHRENHEIT 451 BY RAY BRADBURY!!!” (or for non-Americans Celcius 232.778) “You won’t regret it!”

I didn’t.

“A book is a loaded gun in the house next door. Burn it.”  

In this dystopian world of our future, books are outlawed, the media brainwash their audience, and individuality of mind is a disease. If a book is found, it is burned. If it is found in your house, it is burned. Along with you. This is where the role of firemen has become an antithesis of their original purpose, to save from fire and not... to ignite.  

4. Black Obelisk - Erich Marie Remarque

All of the books by this author have a special place on the shelves of my mind. Filled with dry sarcasm, sharp wit, and exceptional humor unlike any other. But they are not easy to read. What entranced me was despite the heaviness of the theme, underlying message, whatever you want to call it - despite that - there was clarity. With each word, the haze dissolved, bit by bit.

World War I has ended. Having sacrificed his youth to the battlefront, Ludwig tries to earn a living, in an inflation ridden Germany, by selling gravestones. He believes - he hopes - that there is more to life than profiting from people’s misery.

5. Castle - Franz Kafka

Complete and utter mindf*ck that’s what this is. By the end, I felt like my brain was melting out from my ears. I am not even going to try and summarize this book because.... I don’t... I can’t. I just can’t say what it is about, I don’t understand WHAT it is about.  This is a story about everything and nothing at the same time, so I definitely recommend :)

Okay no, I’ll try:

K arrives in a village to work but therein lies a problem and to try to solve it, he struggles to contact the governing authorities. 

6. Silence of the Lambs - Thomas Harris

Even more famous is the movie with Anthony Hopkins as the cannibalistic psychiatrist Dr. Hannibal Lecter. I have watched too many times to count and it never gets boring, always revealing the tiniest details and nuances. And so I thought since I loved the movie so much I would be blown away by the book. I was.

Clarice Sterling, a trainee of the FBI, is sent by her boss to convince the incarcerated Hannibal Lecter, to help them catch the rampaging serial killer by the name of Buffalo Bill...

7. Perfume: Story of a Murderer -  Patrick Süskind

For me this is a book, that fits this very special category of “Unusual and Unique”. A story that I will never forget and that has forever changed me. Powerful language, the final theme, murder, this book was right up my alley.

After reading this book, I cannot stress enough that watching the movie, with Ben Whishaw and Alan Rickman, is an absolute must!

18th century France. Paris. Slums. On a fateful day, Jean-Baptiste Grenouille was born a prodigy. A talent - his nose. He could discern and memorize countless scents and fragrances, and his desire to own them all, drives him into a crazed obsession. An obsession that includes murder. 

8. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov

Hooooo boi... This one is extremely controversial to say the least. So a disclaimer is in order here because this book deals with *whispers*... paedophilia, if it is not already known.

Still, I stand by my belief that everyone should read this book despite... that. It shows what morals are, that this isn’t love... even though you grow attached to the characters. It will mess with emotions that’s guaranteed.

Oh, the movie with Jeremy Irons, has made me cry floods. To be fair all of the books and their movie adaptations made me cry, but this one is a 15 out of 10. I recommend :)

A scholar, Humbert Humbert, travels to America for work. He ends up trap in a town without a way out and he is offered lodgings with a certain Mrs. Haze. He is reluctant at first, but all the hesitation disappears when he meets the glowing, gum-chewing, twelve year old daughter of his potential landlady, Dolores, or simply, Lo. Then it all goes into a cross-country adventure...

                                                                                                Enjoy! :D

                                                                                                - Callisto

#wonder #a monster calls #farenheit 451 #black obelisk #castle #silence of the lambs #sotl #perfume #perfume: the story of a murderer #lolita #books #review #book recommendations #short reads #long reads #bookblr #bookworm #reading #read

[goodvibesnanxiety-blog]

“Why Do You Overthink So Much?”

Why do I overthink? or  Why does anyone over think? 

Today, someone asked me why I even liked them. And of course, for me, that’s an easy thing I will gladly answer. So I gave him a list of the reasons. General things.. makes me happy, laugh, accepts me etc. And in return, I asked the same exact question. He responded with “Too many reasons. You’re freaking gorgeous baby” In my psycho ass head, my first reaction was “Damn ok, he only likes me for my looks” So I asked. “Is that the only reason??”. And he responded with “Why do you overthink so much!! I know you have trust issues but baby you gotta relax”. That hit me hard. I had been trying so hard not to let him see that side of me - the side that worries and needs that constant reassurance, but he noticed. He’s brought it up before.. when I “joke” about how he only wants me for sex… yeah I’m joking, but in my head I secretly want him to say no baby, I want you for you. It’s the most pathetic thing I’ve ever said out loud to myself. And when he noticed, he said: “do you honestly believe that.. because you keep saying it”. I laughed it off like it wasn’t anything. So today when he asked me that, I wanted to turn my phone off and never answer. I was so embarrassed.

How do I explain to someone I  potentially have a future with, why I overthink? 

Me personally? A few reasons. 

The first is that I have really bad anxiety, it used to be awful. I couldn’t breathe on a daily basis just stressing over things I had no control over or worrying about everyone else. It took over my life. I couldn’t do anything or go anywhere without feeling anxiety. I’m constantly thinking the worst of people and situations when I don’t need to and there’s no reason to. As much as I hate to admit it, I need reassurance. Not just from a relationship standpoint, but my family and friends as well. I’m always making sure everyone is happy and good, God forbid they be mad at me for something. Then I try and do everything in my power to fix it. Sometimes I forget about me and making myself happy. 

Second, I’ve been through shitty relationships. Not playing the “poor me” card by any means. I put up with it, I got myself into the situations, and no it isn’t fair to hold that against anyone new in my life. It’s a reaction that I wish I could control. Anyone that begins to treat me right or want to be with me I think there’s something wrong or I’m always waiting for shit to hit the fan. Like it’s too good to be true. Sometimes I end up screwing it up my self because I get too worried and ask too many questions and I ruin it. I think my past two relationships have a lot to do with why I think like I do.

Previous Ex - emotionally abused me every day for 10 months. he made me feel like I was worthless and every single thing that came out of my mouth was wrong. I couldn’t ask him anything, I couldn’t talk to him about my problems, he would tell me to “shut the fuck up” or “stop fucking talking” or “why can’t you just leave me the fuck alone and let me sleep”, “go the fuck to sleep”, “you don’t know who you’re dealing with, little girl”, “get the fuck out of my house”. The list goes on and on. I was constantly worried I would say the wrong thing or piss him off and when he got pissed off it was brutal. One night, after he had been drinking, he told me “shut the fuck up, you make me want to blow my goddamn brains out”. I never felt so belittled in my life. This person that I did everything for thought of me this way. I didn’t understand it. How can I be so good to him and try so hard to make him happy and walk on eggshells trying not to make him upset.. and this is the response I get. It messed me up, more than I realized at the time. It’s scary to think that one person can affect you like this, but they do and they will, only if you allow them. I should’ve been stronger, but I wasn’t. Instead, I stuck with it. And I think the main reason I did is that I didn’t feel like I deserved any different. I know that I’m a handful and can be too much sometimes, I’m in no way perfect. After so long of hearing the hurtful things he said I believed it. And I settled. He has a lot to do with why I’m always so nervous and scared that someone is going to walk away. He ended it after I asked him to come to Thanksgiving with my family. Understandable I guess, but there wasn’t even a good reason except “I’m not ready for this, but I have feelings for you”. Worst cop out in the books. I was literally never good enough. When in reality, he wasn’t good enough for me. I settled in more ways than one. He was a low life, trashy, pothead who had no goals or ambition in his life. He killed mine. He literally put the light out in my soul. I was a lazy, dull, dark human being. After 10 months of nothing but arguing and drinking the problems away instead of dealing with them, I had enough. It was tough to finally let go, because I, being human, cared. It was the best decision I made regarding that relationship.

A Past Ex - we were together solid for a year, off and on for two. he was my best friend, yes. But he wasn’t good for me. In the beginning and even towards the end, we were inseparable. We did everything together. We laughed, we had jokes, we were perfect.. to some degree. I loved him with my whole heart. But it took him a year to commit to me. A year of dragging me along, sleeping with me, not speaking to me for weeks and then pulling me back in for round whatever. It was all on his terms. And I was always there for him. Always at his beck and call. I was weak. Finally, he let me in and we began a relationship. Shortly after we moved in together. About 5 months in, we constantly argued about everything. We would scream and throw things and tell each other to get the fuck out. A lot of the arguing was on my part. Being immature and not ready for the relationship we thought we could have. We lived together, big mistake. He had different ideas and views on things than me and I couldn’t get used to it. He would lie to me about what he was doing because he didn’t want me to get mad. In my opinion, that’s never the answer. I would rather someone tell me straight up than lie and hurt me more. He used to be a pothead. He quit when we started dating. But a part of him never really wanted to and he held that over my head our entire relationship. In the end, it had gotten rough. We went on a cruise and he drank so much he couldn’t stand on our last night. He was throwing things, slamming me up against the wall, punching the wall, loud enough to where my family was alarmed and trying to bust down the door. He never hit me, he wouldn’t do that. But the alcohol had consumed him. 2 months later he threw me a birthday party, and shit hit the fan. We were yelling and throwing things. I threw a chair at him and he came at me. My best friend had to hold me back. There were drinks thrown, people shoved and hurt. The night ended with him smoking weed in our driveway. I found out of course, and he denied it. Then owned up to it. Trust issues. It wasn’t even about the weed, it was the fact he lied to me. Repeatedly. Two weeks later I made a mistake. I went out with a girlfriend and ended up kissing another guy. When I woke up the next day and she told me what happened I didn’t believe her. I would never do that to anyone. Wrong. Well, I told him. Because I can’t hold something like that in. I was devastated. Mortified. I had never done something so hurtful. Well, when I did he thought he would get over it and two days later he couldn’t. So he left. He walked out of our home and didn’t come back until a week later to get his things. He wouldn’t have a conversation about it, couldn’t even look at me. I understood, but it hurt. 

Those are my two serious relationships besides my 4 years with my high school boyfriend. He and I were your typical first love scenario. It just didn’t work out. We had our issues, but nothing that damaged or affected me like this. He was good, I was good, we loved each other in the most innocent way. 

I’m not sure why I am the way I am. I constantly have to screenshot messages and get advice from my best friends and mom before I can even respond sometimes, I have anxiety attacks at work just thinking of what “might happen”.. when in reality there have been no signs of anything remotely close of that happening. It’s a subconscious reaction that I hate about myself. I’m always finding myself questioning every single thing, every act of kindness, every sweet word, every short response, every kiss goodbye. I’m screwed up. I don’t feel like I deserve anyone to be this great to me, or make me feel this way. I am constantly looking for something wrong and waiting for someone to leave me. I’m not insecure, but in a way I guess I am.. I don’t feel good enough to get a good one. I look at my friends, and they’re so sure of themselves and confident. And if someone leaves they leave no big deal, but when I like/love someone it almost kills my spirit when I lose them. So I find myself coming up with excuses to see someone, or planning out in advance when they probably hate planning…like most guys do. I get nervous waiting for them to call/text me after I leave or our date or whatever it might be. I need an extreme amount of reassurance. I’ve been praying to God to help me be patient and confident and to accept the way things are and not rush it and not be so psychotic in the head. It doesn’t seem to be working. 

I thought if I wrote it all out it would give me some kind of answer. 

I honestly want to be confident and strong going through this process. 

It’s a relationship for gods sakes.

#anxiety #relationships #stress #overthinking #love

[overthinkingkdrama]

Old Souls

{A Scarlet Heart: Ryeo fan fiction}

Set immediately after the end of episode 20.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Waking up in Jin Woo's bed, Ha Jin felt as though she was drunk from the night before. She knew that she couldn’t be. She knew couldn’t blame what had happened on a single drop of alcohol. No, this was all her.

But as she lay there, thinking about it, it was hard to believe she was sober. The feverish urgency to touch. Struggling to unfasten the hooks of her skirt. Trembling fingers splayed against his shoulders. How good he had felt beneath her hands, how familiar. It was still so raw in recollection. A heady thing she’d never expected to experience again. That self-erasing desire to pour all of herself into him. To disappear into him.

Now she couldn't remember...what name had she called him by? Had it been Jin Woo she had called out for in the dark, or had it been something else...hwangja-nim...So-ya, jebal...

She didn't know. But she could still hear his whisper in her ear, vibrating through her. He'd called her Hae Soo. Soo-ya. Over and over again. She hadn't just imagined that.

Jin Woo had rolled away from her in the night. She saw his dark outline against the predawn creeping in between the slats of the blinds. The temptation was still there, to tuck herself nearer, to fold herself around him, feel his warmth and sleep. Perhaps he would feel her stirring, would turn to reach for her and then...

The urge was fleeting and she pushed it away.

Slipping quietly from the bed she began to look around for her clothes. She had left pieces of herself all over his apartment. Her phone was by the bed, her blouse tossed over the corner of the bedroom door. She found her skirt and shoes on the bathroom floor. And her keys were in the kitchen. At first she had to wrack her brain to remember when she’d gone to the kitchen. But upon searching she found the vivid sensation of being lifted up onto the counter, of her bare back pressed up against the cool stainless steel refrigerator. She felt her face burning in the dim room, and quickly fled the scene.

Finally, she was forced to open the blinds ever so slightly to be certain she wasn't missing any of her things. She couldn't face the humiliation of returning to that place to recover a forgotten earring, beige stalking, or some other token of the reckless evening she’d spent.

When she turned around she was facing Jin Woo. Wound in blankets, his chest and shoulders were bare, his sleeping face upturned toward her. Then more than at any time before she felt with a pang how—for all their similarities—this was not Wang So, not his face, not his body.

Wang So's story has been written all over him. You could read on his skin every hurt, every indignity he'd ever suffered. And she had loved those scars, because they were his and perhaps even more because he couldn't love himself. She had traced them with her fingers. She had pressed her lips against each one and softly murmured that he was hers. Her person.

Jin Woo's skin was smooth and clean. Without a nick or a blemish. The unmarked skin of a perfect stranger.  And she knew keenly that she had harmed him by following him here. By fooling herself and selfishly pretending he was So, even for one night.

She could never let it happen again.

When Jin Woo woke—hours after his usual time—he was groggy but more refreshed than he had been in weeks. His bed was a tangle of blankets and the sun was streaming through his blinds, warm on his face.

He knew that he was alone before he stretched out his hand and felt the empty space beside him. He knew it before he stood up and halfheartedly searched his apartment for evidence of the night before. He remembered what had transpired with Ha Jin, in radical detail, but he what he couldn’t seem to remember was how she had gotten there or when she had left.

Was it all real? He wondered as he started brewing his coffee, trying to piece together the events of the night before.

He was only half way into his first cup when he heard the rapid electronic chime of someone punching his doorbell repeatedly. He didn’t have time to get to the door or even wonder who it was before the door code was entered and Min Ki came striding into his kitchen looking ready for a fight.

“So here you are.”

“Where else would I be?” Jin Woo asked, confused.

“Oh, I don’t know. The hospital? Jail? Up on a ledge somewhere? Are you aware that your phone is off?”

He hadn’t been. Looking around he spotted it on the kitchen counter where he’d left it the night before. He picked it up, but the battery was long dead.

“There’s nothing wrong. Sorry about last night. I’m…okay.”

“What the hell happened to you?” Min Ki said, livid. “Hanging up on me like that…Do you have any idea how worried I was?”

Jin Woo opened his mouth but he had nothing to say for himself. Trying to think back to his conversation with Min Ki the night before, he found his memories were hazy as though he’d been drunk. “I…I think Ha Jin was here last night.”

“Wait, what do mean ‘you think’? Shouldn’t that be something you’re pretty sure about?”

“I mean…Yes, she was definitely here.”

Min Ki frowned at him, cocking his head to one side. “When you say she was here do mean…spent the night here?” At the last phrase he raised both eyebrows.

Jin Woo felt suddenly embarrassed, “Uh…y-yeah.”

Min Ki stared for several moments, his expression flickering between amusement, outrage and sheer confusion. He raised his hands over his head and started pacing up and down the living room, occasionally beginning to speak and then breaking off as he tried to absorb this new information. Jin Woo had seen his friend like this on previous occasions. Trying to question it or calm him wouldn’t help anything. You just had to wait for him to wind down on his own.

At last he said, “Okay…I think this might be great for you.”

“How is it great?”

“Well…you know you two have that magnet thing the mudang was talking about. Maybe this was exactly what you two needed to…uh…demagnetize or whatever. Get all of that bad karma worked out of your systems.”

“Min Ki-ya, I’m pretty sure that’s not how magnets or anything else works.”

“Well, hell if I know what to tell you then, man. Last I’d heard you’d royally screwed things up with this woman to the point that she never wanted to see you again. Now I come to find out she slept over at your place. How does that work, pray tell?”

“I wish I knew. I woke up this morning and she was gone.”

“That’s not a great sign, I will admit.” Min Ki was thoughtful, tapping his finger against his lips and looking off as though drawing upon the vast range of experience he had with this subject, “You should give it a few days and see if she contacts you.”

“But we don’t even have each other’s numbers.”

“Still? How did you even meet up last night?”

Jin Woo’s brow furrowed, trying to remember. “I think I…I went to the boutique again.”

“You went back to her job? That’s so sketchy!”

“Yes, thank you. I’m aware of that.”

“I don’t know what’s more confusing. The way you seem bent on scaring this girl off, or the fact that she seems to be responding to it.”

Jin Woo looked down at the gauze and surgical tape that was still wrapped around the fleshy part of his hand. He was confident that his reason for going to her last night had been clear as a bell, clear as a word spoken into his ear. Why couldn’t he remember it now?

He felt that despair welling up in him again. Felt alone. Felt that he was treading water in the dark, barely keeping afloat. Worst of all, he felt like this was becoming his new normal. “I don’t get it either. I really don’t. My heart…my head...It doesn’t feel like they’re my own anymore. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I don’t know the person staring back at me. I don’t know what I might do next. It’s terrifying.”

Min Ki moved to stand next to him. All traces of anger or amusement were gone from his expression. He put an arm around Jin Woo’s shoulders, “Whatever this is, you and I can handle it.”

“I’ll never understand why you don’t give up on me.”

”You’re my best friend. I’m in this for the long haul.” Min Ki said grinning, “There’s a solution we just need to figure out what it is.”

“What’s left to figure out? So I’m having some kind of visions from the past. Fine, great, whatever. So I knew Go Ha Jin in a former life and now our fates are tied up together somehow. I can accept that. What am I supposed to do about it? I’ve already tried everything I can think of. My connection with Ha Jin is the only thing I have to go on. She is where all of it begins and ends. And being near her is the only thing that even remotely helps, but she’s—”

“Mysterious and mercurial?” Min Ki offered.

“Just as freaked out by all this as I am.” Jin Woo finished his thought with a grimace. “There’s no self-help book for this. No talisman I can buy. If I could study my way out of this, at least that’s something I’m good at. If I could go to the library or if there was some expert I could ask…” He trailed off, something occurring to him that he hadn’t thought about since that day at the gallery. A detail that had been lost in the confusion since this whole mess began.

Without explaining himself, Jin Woo went immediately into the bedroom and started sifting through his belongings. Picking up his wallet and searching through it, opening the drawers in his bedside table and finally walking into the closet and going through his clothes, pulling down big sections of hangers and throwing them onto the floor in his search.

“I couldn’t have thrown it away, could I? I know I didn’t…”

Min Ki followed, watching him with curiosity, finally saying, “Alright, you’re running ahead without me again. Fill me in on what’s going on in your head.”

“There was this…this person. This shifty guy who shuttled Ha Jin away from the gallery that day. He talked to me and he said all of these peculiar things.”

“What sort of peculiar things?”

“He made a big point about me looking like Gwangjong. He said to call him if something happened. Just like that. Didn’t say what would happen, just that I would know when it did.”

Jin Woo spoke in fits and starts, lapsing into awkward silences as he tried to remember which of his several, nearly identical suit jackets he’d been wearing that day, digging through the pockets of each one until he found what he was looking for.

“Here it is.”

He held out the creased and ragged business card for Min Ki to read. It had an office phone number and above the number it read: Choi Yoon Jung, Professor of Antiquities.

Ha Jin had decided to keep herself so busy that she didn’t have time to think about Jin Woo. It worked, at least for a little while.

She picked up doubles at work until her manager simply refused schedule her any more hours, rang up friends she had talked to for years. Went clubbing—she didn’t even like clubbing. And when she did have a day off, she spent most of it on a train to visit her mother. It was only a matter of time before she ran out of ways to distract herself and when she did, he was still there waiting for her at the back of her mind. She found that she had been missing him, even looking for an excuse to see him again. The realization made her want to run away all over again. The internal tug-of-war was maddening.

She was sure she would go screaming into the middle of the street if she didn’t talk to someone about what had happened, she got a cab and had it take her to Ji Mong’s house. The journey there felt oddly like she was on her way to confession. In a way she was. Ji Mong was like a priest, in that he was the only person she knew who had insight into the specific supernatural tribulations of her life. And in the way that he said a lot of kindly, but largely unhelpful things that she only half understood.

When she arrived at his house, she was left waiting on the front steps for a long time. Maybe he’s not home, Ha Jin thought. I should have called before I came over. But it had become her habit to drop by unannounced, and she always seemed to find him at home.

But she heard his voice over the intercom, “Ha Jin-ah, I didn’t expect to see you today.” Through the static crackle he sounded uncertain, like she’d caught him in the middle of something.

“I can go if it’s not a good time.”

“No, just wait a moment. I’ll be right there.”

It was unusual for him to greet her at the door. Normally, he would just buzz her in and she would find her own way to the kitchen where he’d already be brewing tea. Now, when he let her in he looked anxious about something. They were still in the foyer when he stopped her and said, “I need to warn you about something.”

“What?”

“Lee Jin Woo is here. I asked him to wait out in the garden.”

The news struck Ha Jin like a lightning bolt, and for a moment she was too stunned to speak.  Why is he here? Why here? This is supposed to be my hiding place.

“I promise I didn’t plan to ambush you.”

“Why would you bring him here?"

“I didn’t bring him here. He sought me out. I gave him my card, remember? I couldn’t turn him away.”

“You’ve been meeting with him. Since when?”

“Not very long. A few days. ”

Ha Jin was shocked at the surge of genuine anger this inspired. Anger she knew, almost immediately, was unfair. She hadn’t told Ji Mong about Jin Woo’s reappearance in her life. Certainly hadn’t told him about their date. And that night…well, that was what she was here for today. To get advice. But how could he give that to her now?

“He didn’t come here looking for you; he came here for answers about what’s been happening to him. The least I could do was to listen. To try to help him in any way I could.”

Ha Jin’s heart was beating fast. She pressed her hand to her chest, a habit carried over from when she was Soo. When an elevated heart rate used to mean pain and shortness of breath. Now she did it whenever she had an unpleasant surprise. “What did you tell him?”

“I explained what I know about the time slip and my theory about his, well, Wang So’s memories. I didn’t tell him anything about the two of you…what happened between you. I didn’t think it was my place. I know I can’t make you meet with him if you don’t want to but—”

"I can't." She said, anticipating what he would say next.

“I think you should talk to him. He thinks he's losing his mind. Anyone would feel like that in his position. He asked me about who he used to be. I was honest with him, but he has questions that only you can answer. He has a right to know to know what’s going on in his own head."

“Yes. He has that right. But I have the right to choose, too. I can barely take care of myself. How can I take responsibility for his mental health? I don’t want to get sucked back into this. It hurt enough the first time. It hurts now. Enough that I wish I’d never remembered anything!”

“I know how much it hurts. I don’t claim to know everything you went through, but I was there too Ha Jin-ah. I lost someone too. I would do anything if I could change places with you and see my king again. And I wouldn’t trade my memory of him for anything.” Ji Mong’s eyes were shining. Ha Jin had seen him like this before only at rare moments when he forgot himself, giving vent to an old grief. For the first time she realized who he was talking about. It’s Wang Moo. That’s why he’s been looking for the physical reincarnations of the other princes. He’s been hoping to find Moo again.

She’d been so wrapped up in her own loss, that she’d barely wondered what this was like for Ji Mong. Even then Ha Jin could see the astronomer, wading into the mercury tainted bath and cradling the second king of Goryeo in his arms, voice breaking as he called to him—first Pyeha, and then more softly Moo-ya—but his call would never be answered.

He went on, “Have you considered the possibility that he’s waited more than a thousand years for the chance to meet you outside of the palace walls?”

Suddenly, Ha Jin felt ashamed of flouting the thing that Ji Mong—it was now so clear—wanted the most. A second chance with his own person, his own king.

The strong emotion he’d betrayed to her a few brief moment faded as quickly as it appeared. He had said the hard thing that needed saying, not unlike when he’d told her that she wasn’t meant to marry the king. He wouldn’t fight with her anymore. He said, “Maybe you’ve got it right. Perhaps the heavens saw fit to only give us one short lifetime together. I have to try to accept that fate.”

“Heaven’s will can be a real son of a bitch.” She said softly.

“You’re not wrong.” Ji Mong agreed.

She was still scared to see him. What could she say to him? That perfect stranger with So’s eyes and So’s smile.

“I will go and ask him to leave. You can even wait upstairs and I’ll tell you when it’s safe to come down.” He said, “Is that what you want?”

The two found a nearby café where they could face each other on neutral ground. Ji Mong had offered to leave his house for a few hours so they could speak in private, but that seemed more dangerous than the alternative. It felt strange to try to say what they needed to say there, even if they were alone. Besides, Ha Jin couldn’t trust herself to be alone with Jin Woo. A public place was better. A public place offered protection.

They bought their drinks and found a quiet place to sit, away from the other patrons.

Jin Woo’s hands toyed nervously with his mug of coffee, but he didn’t seem interested in the drink. Neither did he meet her eyes. Ha Jin was searching for something to say, some way to begin.

Mercifully he spoke first, “So, it all happened. The dreams I’ve been having. Those flashes…They’re real.”

“Yes.”

“And you too. You were there. You didn’t just dream about it, you actually went back there, didn’t you? That’s how you knew my face.”

“Do you actually believe that?”

“I’ll believe you. If you tell me that’s what happened.”

“You’re very trusting.”

“I’m very confused.  To be honest, I’m freaking out right now. The professor and you are offering me an explanation I can kind of understand. When I talk to you, things start making sense again.” He became shy after saying this and they lapsed into silence again for some moments, pretending to drink their drinks.

What’s your exit strategy? Ha Jin asked herself. How do you tell someone you were in love with them in a past life, but you’re not interested anymore?

As if he had some idea of what she was thinking he said, “Do I look like him?”

She answered him without thinking, “Very like. Almost identical actually, except…” She was about to say something about the scar, but she stopped herself. If he hasn’t remembered that part on his own, better not to say anything about it.

“I’m not him, though.”

“No.”

“And you’d prefer it if I was, right? Not just a lookalike.”

The question surprised her and she had to think about it before she answered, “I don’t know how I feel about it. A lot happened in the past. Things I wish would stay there. But now we have different names and different lives and we have to live in the present.” With every word she felt that she was withdrawing further into herself, not giving anything away. She watched his face as she spoke and could see he felt it too, how she was keeping him ever at arm’s length. No closer. “Doesn’t it bother you? That we’re only talking now because you look like someone else? If we were to keep seeing each other it would only be for him, never for you. It would never be real.”

“I’m not sure I care.” He said, surprising her again.

“What?”

“Whether the feelings I have for you are mine or not, I have them now. And I don’t want to get rid of them. Whatever the source, whatever your reason for being interested in me, I don’t really care. The result is the same.”

“You’re blowing your feelings out of proportion because we slept together.”

“No. I know what you’re thinking but this isn’t that. I don’t feel this way because I slept with you. I wanted to sleep with you because I feel this way.” He looked very fierce for a moment, very like So. But before she could be sure of what she’d seen, he had dropped his eyes and continued uncertainly, “And I still…want to…with you. It doesn’t seem to matter that I’m not the person you’re looking for. Is that wrong?”

It was her turn to stammer and struggle for the next words. “It is. It is wrong. And that’s why we shouldn’t see each other anymore.” She wanted to say more, but she was on her back foot now. He had again her fixed in a very direct gaze and her next words caught in her throat.

“Do you know what I think?” He said, “I think you’re trying very hard to do the right thing. I can see that deep down you’re not a cold person. You’re very kind, and you’re trying to be the strong one. You’re trying not to press your advantage. You’re trying to avoid doing something you think will get both of us hurt. It’s very admirable, it is.”

“Don’t act like you know I feel. You can’t possib—”

“You’re right. I don’t know. But I’m trying to understand. Let me ask you this. Why did you leave without a note or a word, the other morning?”

“Well, because I…” She trialed off.

“I think I can guess. You left because you felt guilty. Because you felt like you were using me, isn’t that it?”

She didn’t answer, but she already felt like he’d caught her somehow and she couldn’t say anything.

“But the thing is I was using you too. I feel so damn alone when I’m not with you. I don’t think you should feel guilty at all. I don’t think you should worry about whether it’s right or wrong. Let me worry about that.”

“I don’t know what you’re trying to say.”

“What I’m saying is this: If you don’t want me…If you don’t want anything to do with me then fine. You can walk away right now. I’ll never contact you again. I’ll figure out how to live somehow. But if you’re walking away because you feel bad for me or because you don’t want to hurt me, or use me…then I just want to tell you that I don’t care. If that’s all this is, then don’t hesitate.”

It began to dawn on Ha Jin what Jin Woo was proposing, and rationally the idea of it repulsed her. She had never even dated casually. She’d always been looking for the “one” even well before she’d been sent to Goryeo. Whether it was Ha Jin’s first, cheating boyfriend, Hae Soo’s liaison with the 8th prince, or even her love for So, she’d always given her everything and it had always gotten her hurt. Still, she couldn’t imagine being with someone with an expiration date in mind.

And yet, as Jin Woo spoke color came into his face, his became eyes more intense. She felt that, in spite of herself, he was drawing her in. Like on the night they’d gone home together, she felt the same sensation of inertia pulling them toward one another. And all of her efforts and best intentions couldn’t avert the inevitable collision.

“I’m fully conscious of what kind of relationship this would be, and I’m okay with it. Whenever you want to stop, we can stop. I know it might seem crazy. Maybe it is. But I want you. Under any conditions where I can have you, for as long as you’ll let me. I’m putting myself entirely in your hands…So, what do you think?”

[Chapter 6]

#scarlet heart #scarlet heart: ryeo #moon lovers #fan fiction #fan fic #old souls #chapter 5

[shawnallenblog]

Dear Gord: Silence's Ransom.

Late breaking story on the CBC A nation whispers, "We always knew that he'd go free" They add, "You can't be fond of living in the past 'Cause if you are then there's no way that you're going to last"

Wheat kings and pretty things Let's just see what tomorrow brings

- lyrics from "Wheat Kings" by The Tragically Hip

 You are not getting out of this alive. This is a very present reality for Gord. 

For about 32 years Gord Downie has been the frontman and primary songwriter of the famous Canadian band, the Tragically Hip. On May 24, 2016 Gord's life slammed head first into a blunt reality check, Gord had been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, he had a massive glioblastoma in his head. After near immediate brain surgery, chemo and radiation therapy Gord bravely decided that the show must go, honorably he wanted to continue with his mission and passion.  So, he and his blokes scheduled a final four week cross-Canada farewell tour which ended in a “Canada is closed” tour closing extravaganza which ended on August 20th, 2016 in his hometown of Kingston, Ontario.  Canada was offically closed that night, quite literally.  Gord decided to still share, give back, live, and carry on with his life's gifts.  Gord's life has always been about music from what I can tell, telling great stories and bringing people joy through his gift.  Ever the story teller, the songs hit home and get personal, one such song is about the Toronto Maple Leaf NHL defenseman who scored the 1951 Stanley Cup-winning goal shortly before dying in a plane crash. Another, the mood perfect haunting "Wheat Kings" tells the story of David Milgaard, a Canadian wrongfully accused of murder. Gord's song writing means something, it says something, and I suspect this gave his music deep meaning, his days greater meaning, and his life a clearer purpose.

We are all going to die. If you are not starting to get comfortable with that reality, things are going to get pretty painful as your time winds down. Avoidance of acceptance of your final guaranteed demise will not make it escapable. If you wait and avoid you are going to possibly feel pretty frantic in those last days trying to meet your goals, dreams, wishes, hopes and tell those you love how much they meant to you being in your life. You are going to likely wish for more time. You are going to want some "do overs". Again, let me be clear, if you are reading this in the evening, you are one more day closer to that moment.  It is coming, trust me. So, get busy. The problem is, we think we have time.

I spent the better part of three decades enjoying Gord and the rest of "The Hip’s” stories and music. Music touches something deep in us, and unlike many other forms of entertainment in this world, we can return to music over and over again and it only gets better. The memories stay and sometimes get richer. Repeatedly, an album can grow on us and take deeper meaning and a comforting place, marking moments in our life, time-stamping memories and events that usually live on forever while others merely fade away. This is what Gord and the boys did for me, and much of Canada. 

The fact of the matter now is that Gord might not have many years left, none of us may to be honest, but I sure hope that he is the exception and not the rule for this type of cancer, I think there is so much more music in that man's soul. The truth of the matter is that he would love the time we are all wasting doing frivolous nonsensical things like watching Youtube videos of foolish teenagers skateboard down handrails often snagging their dangling parts on the rails, or climbing on the edges of rooftop edges doing handstands while snapping selfies. Make no mistake, Gord is not wasting his time doing these kinds of foolish things causally risking what is preciously left his life.   He knows how short an hourglass can be on sand. He is likely packing it all in, loading the boat, loving hard and living openly and freely. He is likely sampling life slowly, richly, buying the good chocolates, and having deep meaningful experiences with friends. We, on the other hand, think we have time and that is our mistake.  We waste so much time in this short life. The fact of the matter is any day now we could get the same call from our doctor with the same gut wrenching news. We are all wasting time. We all think we have enough time, that we can "get to it tomorrow".  Do we have time ? Can we "get to it tomorrow” ? There is still plenty of time right? 

In your last breaths on this spinning rock on which we dwell, there will likely be silence. If you are lucky to be surrounded by your loved ones, it will be a silence of crushing sadness for them. Complete silence will undoubtedly mark the exact moment of your transcendence.  And in that silence those observers, if you are lucky to have a few, will once again be reminded as they have many times before of the brevity of this trip we call life. In the silence, during that nauseating punch in the gut moment, there will be a reminder to get busy doing more and loving more grandly. Sadly, in the noise of our lives, as the days and weeks march on, how soon we will forget this lesson in the silence. In Gord's words from the song A Beautiful Thing, there is brilliant stark wisdom to what that silence is screaming. Lets all try to better hear and remember these words, spoken from the silence. 

"In the ulcerating silence perspective comes,

the way it always does for it’s ransom."     -Gord Downie

Here is a final punch in the face.  Within the hour of reading this you will soon forget what I have written here. Snapchat, Youtube, Netflix, HBO, they all suck us into an oblivion of wasted time, distraction from the vein of life, a lull of immediate gratification.  How soon we will all forget how short this trip is, the weeks and months will march onward, until we are again faced with something more grave and agonizing that forces us to sit in the silence again. Hopefully that silence is not our own. 

In the mean time, I give thanks. Thank you Gord, thank you deeply for leaving beautiful scars on my life that are still vivid. You have been part of the soundtrack of my life, adding color and depth to the memories and locking them in, deep and permanent.  Keep the good stuff coming brother. Like a wedding or movie, memories are not the same when not time-stamped by music. My life has been enriched and imprinted by the bands that have drawn me in to their muse. Thank you again Gord, for finding your passion and for continuing to shout it out loud, in your own unique way, with flare and passion and  heart. Thank you for your time, it is one of the greatest most unselfish gifts in life, giving someone your time.

The problem is, we all think we have time.  From Gord's lips to your ears, in a haunting yet deeply loving whisper,  "you might not my friend, so get busy". 

Again,  . . . 

"In the ulcerating silence perspective comes, 

The way it always does for it’s ransom."  -Gord Downie,

Much love Gord, over the miles, . . . . .  always. Thank you.

- Shawn Allen

Tragically Hip: Canada says farewell to a National Treasure.  Rolling Stone Magazine

#Life #living #death #Gord Downie #tragicallyhip