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#he has been done wrong by many people. i wish i could give him my love. but i cant force someone to love me

plentyoffandoms · 2 days

Text

Foolish

Lord Remington x f/Reader

Main Masterlist ♡ Bridgerton Masterlist

Just like all my other stories, this has not been proofread, but please enjoy.

Gifs and photos do not belong to me. 1st gif @fictionalred

Warnings. One use of the word cripple

WC: 792

The Bath Chair - 1800s word for wheelchair

"You can not marry that man!" My mother practically screeched at me. My siblings all but have left the property, not wanting to deal with her yelling.

Oh, how I wish I could have left.

"And why not? He is from an established household. His family owns many properties, and they are well off. Every single item you told me to look for when finding a suitable match for myself, Mother."

That's not what I had on my list for an eligible husband. I wanted someone who was kind, smart, and loved the arts.

Who actually could hold a proper conversation with me, and not shy away at my quick wit. I am not a stupid woman, and I refuse to dumb myself down for any man.

"That may be, but you can not be with a man like him."

"And what type of man is he is? He is Lord Remington." I made sure to emphasize the Lord.

"Do not make me say it." She threatened.

"Say what, Mother? Please do tell me what is so wrong with the man who proposed to me." I have never been this way with her, but I refuse to back down.

"He is a cripple." She finally said, and I pretended to be shocked at the news.

"Well, Mother. I never knew that. I thought he just liked being pushed around Ton in his bath chair."

"I will not be spoken to like this. I am your mother, and you will listen to me."

"You told me that I am old enough to be looking for a husband, and I choose Lord Remington. He is a good man whose family has accepted what is so different about him, and I have too."

"He went behind my back and asked you. He is not a proper gentleman." She is grasping at anything now.

"Lord Remington went to Arthur and asked his permission, which is the proper way as he is the oldest son and head of our family since Father passed away."

After the two of them had their chat, Arthur told him that he would think about it and get back to him.

Arthur came and told me what happened, and he could tell how happy I was, and he gave his blessing for the two of us.

"He can not give you children, and what is a woman without children?" She questioned as she sat in her chair.

I wanted to scoff at her old-fashioned ideas, but many people still believed this.

I took my spot across from her and took a deep breath. "I will be his wife, I will still be your daughter, a sister, an aunt when the time comes. I am still a very much a woman, even if I do not have children."

"How will you consummate the marriage? That must be done."

"Now, mother, that will be none of your concern, as that will be a private matter between him and I."

"As your mother, I forbid you from marrying him." I stood up, my gaze looking her up and down. "Like I said, Arthur has agreed to this and has paid my dowry already. Either be a part of your eldest daughters wedding, or do not. I will be Lady Remington either way."

I turned to leave her alone in our sitting room. "You are bringing shame to our family."

I stopped and did not bother turning around, "I believe it is you who is bringing shame to our family, as you can not see what a wonderful man he is."

I left her there, crying. A mere half hour ago, I would have turned back around and worked things out with her, but no, not this time.

◆

My mother did not come to my wedding, and neither did my younger brothers and sister, but my four older brothers were there. Arthur walked me down the aisle.

During our reception, my darling husband asked me to dance, and when I asked him how? He told me not to worry about it.

The music started, and he pulled me into his lap, making me giggle, but the music faded, and it was like we were the only ones in the room.

"I am sorry your mother didn't come." He whispered to me as we were pushed around to the music.

"Her own choice. She was invited." I reminded him.

"I know I am not what she imagined," I cut him off.

"But you are what I imagined. You are perfect for me."

He smiled and kissed me, our guests muttering about how in love we are.

That night, our first night together, I found out that we could consummate our marriage and that it happened not once but twice before we fell asleep.

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brailsthesmolgurl · 2 months

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GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE

Here comes another angsty fluffy one-shot request by one of my readers. Featuring everyone's fav doctor, Zayne. Enjoy the story! Warnings: Angst but yes to Comfort

"How can you expect me to do my damn job but also expect me not to be hurt?" You gritted your teeth, eyes shooting daggers into Zayne's side profile. He seemed unbothered by you raising your voice slightly, either he is used to it, or he expected it. Or both.

"Then I would suggest you to quit your job." His words were finalised, no variations in tone or anything. Just a statement, a sentence with a full stop. Your eyes welled up with tears. How could he not understand? To at least give you the benefit of the doubt that accidents would happen in your line of job, but you would do your best to minimise it?

"I won't." You walked over to him and you noticed his head turned slightly to face you. "And I am done with you." You grabbed your bag off of his desk and you darted off towards the front door. Zayne got off of his chair to hold you back but before he could grab your hand, you threw him your statement. "I do not wish to see you ever again. Have a good life."

Zayne was out at a charity event hosted by Akso Hospital, to raise funds for the several orphanages at Linkon City. As usual, he was expected to give a speech in front of the crowd, but instead of being the lead cardiac surgeon for Akso, he shall be giving his speech as one of the biggest donors for this event.

But as of now, his time has yet to come, so he stood at one of the cocktail tables, watching the crowd of unfamiliar faces. Although he is one of the best cardiac surgeons, he was not known to be the friendliest amongst his colleagues so generally, not many people would go up and strike a conversation with him.

He finds his mind wandering, floating from what would be a good post-event dessert to what diagnosis he have yet to complete to you. It has been 6 months since the both of you had contacted one another. Zayne however, had tried to call you after you had left but to no avail. And surprisingly, you blocked him so he had no methods to reach out to you. He could have easily come over to your place, but with Zayne being Zayne, he would not intrude into someone else's property if he was not invited at first glance.

His phone vibrated from the inside of his suit, and he peeled apart the right side of his tailored suit to fish out his phone. He stared at the caller's name for quite a bit. Longer than a few seconds. 'Y/N' flashed on his phone's screen. He pressed the phone to his ear. "Hello."

"Zayne." You were huffing and panting, and he could hear your whimper through the line. "I need... I need your help." You tried to explain, one hand holding the phone to your ears while the other pressed up against the deep gash you have on the side of your hips. "Nobody was picking up... I had no choice..."

Your voice. It was breaking up in between chokes and whimpers and sharp inhales. Zayne knew you were hurt, and this time, it is much more severe than any other times when he was there to tend to your wounds. He knew this was coming. No, not the call. He figured you would uphold your ego so much that you would not reach out to him anymore just to prove him wrong. To prove to him that you could take care of yourself.

But look at you now. He knew that there shall be a day where he would have to treat you when you are at your worst condition. He could imagine you being pushed into the hospital, with tendrils of tubes surrounding your body; to administer blood, nutrients, oxygens and many other fluids that your body requires to achieve a stable condition. His mind got snapped back to reality when you no longer spoke on the other side of the line.

"Stay still." You heard someone talking, unsure whether if it was towards you. "Or else you might end up hurting yourself again."

Your eyelids felt heavy as you slowly opened them, taking in your surroundings. The last moment you remembered was you were at one of the danger zones and you were outnumbered by a couple of wanderers. You managed to defeat them with all of your might and yet they manage to give you a wound so nasty it robbed your ability to stand and walk.

The room that you are currently in does not smell sterile at all. In fact, it smells like a mix of lavender and with hints of coconuts. The room was lit only with lamp decors, the light bouncing off of the pristine white walls, tainting it with a shade of beige. The room is tidy and emits the vibes of a cosy home which reminds you of someone you knew.

"Did the concussion made you lost the ability to listen to simple instructions?" You snapped your head to the right side as you slowly sat yourself up and you could not stop your jaw from dropping mentally. Zayne is seated right next to you, an apple in hand and a knife in another, eyes focused on peeling the skin off of the apple. One of his many acquired skills.

Your palm smoothed over your hip and you winced, facial features scrunched together in pain as you realised how bad your wound is. "What happened?" You choked out, still awaiting for the stinging pain to wear off.

"You called me earlier and through the phone, I could tell that you were terribly injured." He brought the peeled apple up to his face, examining it closely before placing it down and taking the next apple to start peeling its skin off. "So I went over to save you."

"But..." You were embarassed, teeth biting onto your bottom lip. "With what I had done previously... you could have-"

"You called me after six months of not being in contact, and you expect me to do nothing with your calls for help?" He spoke, finally placing the half-peeled apple down onto the ceramic plate, a clink followed as he placed the knife down. He looked towards you, his hazel green eyes are only brown within such a dark room. But you could make out the soft gaze he was giving you. "Does it still hurt?"

Your cheeks were hot, your heartbeat ramping up when he got closer to you. "I will leave once I feel better." He quirked one of his thin eyebrows up, a signal of confusion. "As soon as I can walk, I mean." You turned your face away from him, but this time, his fingers were quick to catch your chin, pulling you back to stare at him.

"I'm afraid that might take a while." He lets go of your chin and pulled down the blanket slightly, enough for him to see the bandage wrapped around your hip, and enough for him to notice the bits of skin showing above your hip given he had to wrap your hips so clothing would only be in the way of his treatment. "Your wounds are quite deep this time around. I had used my evol to freeze and cut out some of the dead tissue but I think rest should be your first priority for now."

"Look, I called you because I couldn't reach out to anyone else okay? I will be out of your hair once all of this," you gestured at your wound. "is fully healed." Your chafed statement made him sighed, his fingers coming up to pinch the bridge of his sculpted nose. "So how long will this take? For me to heal?"

"I'm sorry." He muttered, the voice of his faltered alongside the wind chimes that he had hung by the windows. Your whole body was rigid, staring at the man in front of you, apologising to you out-of-the-blue. "It was selfish of me to ask you to quit your job and to not trust you in protecting yourself."

Your lips could not move, as if you were gagged by his remorse, his guilt, his regrets. Six months passed, and yet you did not took it any easier than him despite you were the one who chose to leave him and to never look back. You were the one who blocked him from contacting you entirely, you were the one who thought that he would at least cared about your passion for your work.

However, as a matter-of-fact, you can never forget about him. You always find yourself taking the long way home, purposely passing by Akso Hospital just to catch a glimpse of him. On lucky days, maybe you could catch him from a far distance, getting off of work. On unlucky days, you could still catch his black sedan car parked within the staff columns.

"When you called me, I expected the worst." Zayne's side profile is the only thing you could see now. "I tried contacting you after you had left, but the dial tone always ends, so I assumed that you have blocked me." Hearing how he had tried to reach out to you, your gut twisted, adding on to the pain that you are experiencing physically. "But I would understand if you would want to rest alone at your house instead of mine. I can schedule to send you back home tomorrow before I head off to the hospital."

"Zayne, I, I just couldn't believe it when you asked me to quit my job..." You trailed off, your eyes drooped as you felt your tears weighing them down. "I thought you would have known better that I am a deepspace hunter and that I will always be putting my life on the line."

Zayne leaned over, his shadow loomed over your figure and he placed his hand on the top of your head, slowly smoothing your hair behind your back. His touch was gentle, soothing to your skin. "And I should have trusted you instead of asking you to quit." You can feel the heat radiating from both of his hands cupping your cheeks, your face probably the size of an egg within his grasp. "When you were away, I find myself thinking about you and your safety a lot."

You agreed, your hand coming up to cup over his. The difference between both of your hands always a surprise to you. "I can't help but to want you as well, Zayne." His thumb caught the tear that streamed down your cheeks and he wiped it off. "I am sorry too, for having to walk out on you and on this relationship."

"Now, you should allow yourself to rest." Zayne's lips curled up into a small encouraging smile. He laid you down onto the bed slowly, hovering over you. "Would you still like me to fetch you back home tomorrow?" The shake of your head made him sighed in relief. "Then you should stay here, where I am capable of taking care of you." He peered down at you, his gentle gaze contradictory to his chiseled facial features. "Not only till you get better, but for the future too." The man then leaned down to claim your lips in a soft and longing kiss.

Tadaa! That is the end for this one-shot! It is fluff just as requested by my reader, so I hope this suffices you guys heart <3

#love and deepspace #love and deepspace x reader #zayne love and deepspace #rafayel love and deepspace #lnds #xavier love and deepspace #fluffy #zayne x reader #zayne fluff

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jaylver · 3 months

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ROCKLAND — P.SH

synopsis: almost like a nightmare, park sunghoon plagues your present just as much as your past regrets had done. however, this time around, you and him decided to right your wrongs one last time.

pairings: non-idol!sunghoon x afab!reader

genre: exes to lovers, miscommunications, angst, second chance romance

warning(s): profanities, brief mentions of smoking, drinking, partying and alcohol

wc: 8k

a/n: i'm BACK. this has been in the works for far too long because of the constant writer's block so i'm not sure if it's good or not, plus it's my first exes to lovers so please be nice <3 greatly inspired by gracie abram's "rockland", so do give it a listen too! please leave a feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated! muah xx

If there was one thing you’d regret forever in this lifetime, it would be ending things with the love of your life.

You admit it, you’re selfish. Selfish for wanting to leave the town you grew to hate, selfish for prioritising yourself and chasing your dreams, choosing to leave the people you loved instead. Painted a villain in the eyes of many close to the person you once went home to and even the man himself. But, how could he fully blame you when he was equally selfish too?

Park Sunghoon thought keeping you in the cage of this small town was going to make him a happy man. He often fantasised about the possibility of you and his future together, completely pushing aside the thought of you leaving, until it actually happened.

He was angry. He let himself be consumed by his own feelings and mindlessly projecting his anger and blame on you, while you regretfully did the same.

Pools of tears and venomous words spewed out of impulse left you scarred and broken down. It was a bad ending that you’d see in movies coming to life. The moment you had everything packed and goodbyes said, you figured leaving was for the best, now that your ex hates you and his friends who probably felt the same.

It was a shame, though. Heading to somewhere far from home with a heavy heart knowing you didn’t have the chance to see him once more. Frankly, you were a coward, and so was he.

That explained why returning back home was the scariest thing you had to face in a while.

It was ironic, wasn't it? Coming back to the place you wished for years to escape and actually doing so, but eventually having to return after you dropped out of the college that you've been praying and praying to get into, only for it to be overwhelming and the city lights couldn't compare to the starry night of your hometown.

You suppose you got the thing you wanted, but it just wasn't what you imagined.

Freshly twenty-two and out of school, you figured home was what you needed in your next step before deciding if you should re enrol. However, you find yourself not having the guts to face your family and friends, not after the promises turned out to be empty.

"You should quit smoking,"

Yunjin, your cousin and practically your closest friend growing up, was just a distance away when you spotted her, leaning against her car with a cigarette in hand. You found it amusing how she didn't cave into vapes instead in this day and age.

"Y/N!" She pushed the bud of her half smoked cigarette into the wall, then started jogging towards you, her dress flowing in the wind and boots making obnoxious clicks against the ground. There was a sense of relief in her eyes, her usual smile that you missed graced your presence. "God, I missed you, things aren't the same without you here,"

In the span of a few seconds of her hug, you took the chance to digest her words. Did that mean the traditions you've upheld are now gone? Parties, trips to the beach, all those?

"What?"

Yunjin pulled away, still managing a small smile. "I don't think things were ever the same since you left … and after you broke up with Sunghoon,"

You blinked, looking away into the distance. "I don't think I'll be welcomed,"

Yunjin scoffed, slapping your arm and scurrying to get your bags. "Don't say that! So not true. Everyone in the family is waiting for you to be back—"

"And talk behind my back about my failure in graduating? Yeah, no,"

‘‘That’s not going to happen,” Yunjin sighed, struggling with your bags and declining your help, but you still forcefully grabbed some knowing she’d eventually crumble. “I think they’ll get it,”

Would they?

Once you are settled into the car, bags successfully loaded into the trunk, you let yourself melt into the comforts of Yunjin’s passenger seat, finally getting to close your eyes and drift away. You thought it was best before having to face everything and everyone once again.

“What’s your plan now, anyway?”

Without opening your eyes, you envisioned a distant image in your head. “Take my time off and see if I’d like to re enrol or not. If I don’t, I’ll just go plan B,”

“Which is?”

“Accept the job offer in London,”

Yunjin almost hit the brakes out of shock, the news that came from you felt like it had hit her in the face, but somehow, she managed to keep her cool and not get you both killed. “What?” she shrieked.

“What?” you questioned back, sounding nonchalant as if this was just another normal offer that didn’t seem particularly significant. But it was.

“You have a job offer in London and you’re coming back here,”

“I left the city for a reason, it’d be stupid to go to another one right after,”

Yunjin exhaled, blinking in stupor. “Right,”

“How’s … everyone?”

Yunjin knew you weren’t referring to your family. Of course you’d know how your own family was doing, that’s a no brainer. What you were trying to mean was your old friend group. You couldn’t blame them for being mad at you, after all you were only a part of it because of Sunghoon.

“Heeseung’s graduating soon,” this was the first update you’ve gotten from Yunjin after those years away. It took you every will not to ask her about them, but here you were now, finally giving in. “They’re still the same, nothing’s changed,”

“What about him?”

Yunjin seemed hesitant, obviously holding back something that she didn’t want you to know. “I’m not going to explode upon hearing, you know that, right?” you joked lightheartedly, but secretly dreading hearing about him.

“I think he’s seeing someone,”

“Good for him,”

Would it be a crime to admit that you still missed your ex? Something in you was wishing you could rekindle a connection again now that you’re back, but all that hope shattered. If he had already moved on, why couldn’t you? Even after knowing how he probably hated and resented you for doing what you did, you still couldn’t bring yourself to hate him back.

“That’s all?”

“You want me to go full crazy ex mode? You’re insane,” you shook your head, smiling a little, hoping Yunjin didn’t notice the speck of sadness swimming in your irises. “Whoever she is, I’m sure that I would like her … if I were slightly nicer,”

She let out a ‘tch’ in response, though grinning. “What are you going to do with them around? There’s no way you’d be able to fully avoid them,”

“What can I do? I’ll just have to coexist.”

Coexist was a funny word. How were you able to do that when you couldn’t even fully get over Sunghoon in the first place? Thinking about meeting him in flesh already made you feel like doubling over and projectile vomit. That was how pathetic you were, what a shame.

Settling in was easy. It was natural to be back home, way better than being in the noisy city and constantly surrounded by a bunch of fake friends. The question of why you left in the first place started burning your mind as you tossed around trying to sleep, but it only persisted to bug you. Then came the thoughts of Sunghoon and the friends you left behind, which prompted you to be fully awake, sitting up in bed.

It wasn't the greatest idea to reach for your phone and search for his contact name, just to recall the day you deleted his number. Yet, your memory never failed you, remembering the digits like it was first instinct, fingers already typing his number. Your thumb hovered over the green call button, a haze in your mind.

Inevitably, you shut your phone and dug your head into your pillow. He would've laughed then, if he had seen this happen, the exact moment of you almost caving in and finally saying the sorry you never gave him.

The pictures you saw of him on social media here and there made you wonder how he was and if he had already forgotten about you. There were a few recurring appearances of a girl that seemed to linger by his side in group pictures that caught your eyes. Who took your bed when you left? Who laughed at everything that he said? Was it that girl?

Just like the time you first had a crush on Sunghoon, you stayed awake thinking about him, except this time around, you were filled with regret instead of hope.

"Heeseung asked me about you,"

Yunjin's random confession in the middle of the day had surprised you. Lee Heeseung, the best friend of your ex who you swore hated your guts, asked about you? Shocker.

"What did you say?"

"I said something along the lines of you figuring out life and just chilling here until the time comes," Yunjin shrugged, and you nodded slowly. "But there's something he said that made me a bit … confused?"

"What?"

"He said they wanted to see you again,"

You raised your eyebrows, a hint of scepticism flashed over your eyes. "They want to see me? Tell me a better joke next time, thanks,"

"I'm not joking! I mean, he did say excluding Sunghoon, but the other guys wanted to know how you were now that you're back," Yunjin winced a little at the mention of your ex, but you waved it off.

"Are they treating me to dinner or something?"

"Well … no. But Heeseung asked me to bring you to their next party, which is in a few days," Yunjin's gaze softened, hand patting your back. "You know you don't have to come if you don't want to. I mean, after all that happened with you and them and Sunghoon,"

You let out a small sigh, absentmindedly fidgeting your fingers. "It's all in the past now. I'm sure Sunghoon has moved on with another girl, and maybe—just maybe—the guys do hate me less."

You never went to that party Yunjin mentioned.

It was hard to admit but you knew, deep inside you, you were afraid, too cowardly to face the people you once knew. Instead, you chose to linger around like a lost soul in a town full of the ghosts of your past.

It didn't help that the party was also in Sunghoon's house. How did they expect you to go in the first place? You thought you'd never step foot in there after you broke it off with him, and you were adamant on keeping it that way, but your heart got the worst of you.

On the night of the party, you drove around the neighbourhood, eventually stopping across the street of his house. You didn't know what got to you to do so, but you guessed reminiscence and bright lights coming from the house were the reason. The music was loud, people were coming in and out of the house, and the only thing you could think of was him.

That thought alone was enough to have you drive away, leaving the house further and further away into the background just as the memories of him being pushed into the back of your mind.

Rotting in your bed wasn't how your early 20s were meant to be spent, and avoiding almost everyone most definitely wasn't the case either.

Your family and Yunjin were the only people you saw daily, as for the friends you once had, they were long forgotten or didn't even bother to reach out. Except for Heeseung and the others.

That, to you, was a really funny thing to think about. People who stuck by you after the break up and swore to be your closest friends didn't try contacting you once you moved back, knowing damn well word traveled fast in the town; whereas the friends you thought hated you were the first to reach out.

"I'll go to that party," you said to Yunjin on a sunny afternoon tanning session by the pool, sunglasses sitting on the bridge of your nose, hiding the apprehension in your eyes.

"Really?" Yunjin almost jumped out of her seat. It was a party she had brought up days ago, still persistent on taking you out. At least this time around, it wasn't in Sunghoon's house, but her friend Chaewon's. "That's great! Chaewon and the girls are super nice, you'll love them. Let's pick a nice outfit for you, okay?"

Yunjin was by far the most enthusiastic one between you and her. She was picking out dresses and tops, literally rummaging through your closet for anything, and you had to remind her it was just a college party. So, you settled for a skirt and a plain top.

"Will you be okay? I'll stick by you," Yunjin had her arms around you, standing by the front door of Chaewon's house, hearing the music blaring from the inside.

"I'm fine—I think I'll be fine—I just don't want to run away from everyone anymore," it was mostly true, you thought it was inevitable to hide all the time, that wasn't how you're going to spend your life living.

"If there's anything, tell me, okay? We'll leave if you're getting sick," Yunjin gave your arm a final squeeze of assurance before crossing the threshold.

It was the same as every party you've gone to. Loud music, drunk college kids, liquor and beers strayed around, it reeked of your nightmare in a nutshell there.

Yunjin's friends were all as lovely as she had promised. The host herself was wobbling on her feet but managed to grace you with her humour. There was Sakura and Kazuha that you learned were foreign students.

Throughout the night, you were stuck by Yunjin, going from circle to circle and introducing yourself or recognising some of your past school mates. But, almost inevitably so, Heeseung, Jay and Jake had made an appearance too.

"Y/N," Jay was the first to call your name, causing you to turn your head at the familiar voice.

Your thoughts during then were jumbled into a mess. The people you were fighting to avoid were standing in front of you, all of which were much different than the memories you had of them in mind.

Three of them had grown taller, gained some muscles and matured in many ways. Jay's hair was dyed pink, Heeseung got new piercings and Jake had a tattoo on his finger. It was strange to admit they're the same people you knew despite feeling the complete opposite of familiarity.

"Hey—" you were cut off by Jay closing in and pulling you into a hug, this for once was something you remembered about him.

"We're so glad you're back," he whispered into your hair, squeezing you tight. It reminded you then that you were friends with him and the guys before you even dated Sunghoon, that connection was deeper than it seemed, and for it to be severed just because of a breakup was gut wrenching to realise. "We're sorry, Y/N, we're so sorry,"

His apology was genuine, that's for sure. Once you pull away, you let both Heeseung and Jake take turns to hug you, whispering apologies into your ear. It was odd, to accept their apologies and having to start afresh. You held onto them, just taking it in. To forgive was a big step, but maybe it was your first step.

You sat there, catching up with them and slowly getting comfortable just like the old days. Heeseung graduated and got a good job offer, Jay and Jake were still studying, both of which were in the same university. You were relieved there was nothing too awkward between you and them, or else you would have regretted your choices.

The night continued on with a few small talks and eventually you had to excuse yourself to the toilet. You wondered how Chaewon's house was so big, with halls that seemed to never end, or it could just be the effects of alcohol.

Stumbling around, you held onto the walls, passing by rooms occupied by people probably doing something unspeakable. You thought your peace of mind would be intact until the end of the night, but you were wrong. Upon turning a corner, you froze.

It was Sunghoon. It was him.

Grief was a funny feeling, especially when it comes to someone you once knew. You stared at him and there he was, like a ghost from your past coming back to haunt you. He was the shell of the person you loved, and you couldn't help but grieve the person he once was. What was he like now?

Before you could even turn around and make a run for it, his wandering eyes landed on you. He had the same thought process as you. Realisation, panic, sadness, confusion all mixed into a heap of feelings.

Your feet started moving on its own, as you stepped back, he took a step forward. Your breath became ragged, heart thumping hard and blood pumping in your ears. He was nearing, and you were running away, it was the same as before.

"Y/N!" He called out, and all it took was him to say your name again to have you stop in your tracks. Gosh, you were pathetic.

He was standing before you now, closer than he was a moment ago. It was then you realised how much he had changed too.

He was taller, smile lines etched much deeper into his face, almost changing along the same wavelengths with the others. There was something different about the way he looked at you, however. From love in his eyes that eventually changed into hatred was now filled with longing and confusion.

"Y/N," he repeated, disbelief evident in his voice, as if he couldn't believe you were there.

"Sunghoon," you blinked, a frown unknowingly making its way to your face. You let a few beats of silence pass, conflicted and nervous. "I—I should leave,"

"No—!" his hand reached out for you, but you didn't feel his touch. He didn't dare to touch you, letting his hand linger before pulling it back to his side. "I mean, you don't have to leave,"

"I thought you hate me,"

Sunghoon's gaze fell to the floor, jaw clenched and eyebrows furrowed. He met your eyes once more. "I should hate you, shouldn't I? But I don't think I do, I never did,"

You blinked, a little surprised, a little hurt. All along he had made you think he hated your guts but he actually didn't? "Oh," you seemed to have lost the ability to talk or to compute a proper sentence.

You thought of the things you wanted to ask him. If he was still angry at you or if things were working for him. But, what came out was the question you've stored in the back of your mind instead.

"Are you with someone new?"

You figured he didn't expect such a question from you, much as you didn't expect yourself saying it. It was an itching thought, one that made you look like a typical ex, but you couldn't help it.

"I'm not," he sounded almost exasperated, as if having to squash down this rumour for the thousandth time.

"Oh … oh," you didn't know what to say, averting your gaze away from him and finding comfort in the wall behind him.

Sunghoon paused, gaze following yours, looking reluctant whether or not to continue the conversation, but alas, he did. "How have you been?"

"Bad," you laughed a little, and Sunghoon's ears perked at the sound of it that he hasn't heard for ages. "You?"

"I quit skating,"

That was surprising. How could he have? Skating was his dream, his past, present and supposed future, but now, it came crashing down. You didn't know if you should feel sorry for him, as you have been a part of his journey, but one bit of you also seemed to have started mourning the changed Sunghoon that stood before you.

"Why?"

He shrugged, hands slipping into his pocket with a solemn look. "I lost interest. I'm into music now, I'm in a band with the guys,"

You heaved a breath, a deep one. Ironic it was that he was doing music now when he was the one criticising you in the past for wanting to pursue it. Who even was this person? With a new appearance came a new personality, he was much further away than you thought despite the physical distance.

"You've changed," you didn't know what prompted you to say that, maybe it was the disbelief or the denial that he was someone new, but whatever it was, neither of you could deny the fact that he did change. "I'm scared of the person you've become,"

A beat passed, an unreadable expression on Sunghoon's face that you couldn't distinguish even though by now you thought you'd know every one of them.

"And I'm scared you're still the same."

Seeing Sunghoon that night seemed to have altered something in your life. Somehow, he was everywhere you went.

Who was working at the register? Sunghoon. Who was at the park? Sunghoon. Who was at the party Yunjin managed to drag you to? Sunghoon.

It was haunting.

All those little encounters didn't mean you talked to him like normal, though. The awkward tension in the air still remained, seeing each other only reminded you and him both of your pasts, and you hated it. That explained why you were having a hard time seeing him at another party you were at.

Yunjin was much more of a party goer than you expected, and she successfully convinced you to go to all of them. It was fun until you got drunk and started being emotional. Your efforts of hiding from Sunghoon that night failed when he barged into the empty room you were sobbing in, whether it was accidental or not, you didn't know, you wished to not know.

"Y/N?"

His voice brought back the times he called your name. Both the good and bad ones. You stared up at him from the ground, tears welling your eyes. The person you were looking at was someone you thought was a soulmate, but now stood as someone closer to a stranger than a friend.

"W–what are you doing here? Why are you crying?"

The alcohol messing with your brain was processing his words, but what came out from your lips was the total opposite of an answer. "I'm sorry, Hoonie,"

Sunghoon's eyes widened at the nickname, the privilege that only you had. He kneeled down, taking a seat on the ground opposite you, a visible distance in between.

"I hate this—us—I feel like if we gave it one night, to talk, to just feel—you'd hate me less and make it alright," you choked back the sobs building up in your throat, the dizziness making you unaware of how Sunghoon reached out only to hesitate and pressed his hand back to his side. "Just wish that we could fight now, I'd hold you on the comedown …" your voice faltered, head leaning onto the wall.

"Y/N, you're drunk, we can talk this out another day," Sunghoon striped off his jacket and covered your exposed thighs with it. "Just … don't avoid me. I–I don't hate you, I just hope we can have a decent conversation without thinking about the past,"

He admitted it, how the two of you had secretly been thinking about the past, letting it be a big wall in between instead of growing from it. Yet, you could tell the unspoken anger and sadness still lingered, choosing to pour out gradually and unknowingly.

"Bet you wish you never even met me," you started slurring, hand gripping onto his jacket tightly. "I can't blame you, I broke your every heartbeat," your eyes were shut, images playing in your mind, not knowing the saddened look dawning on Sunghoon's face.

"Let's get you back."

In your sleep that night, you saw him. He was there, so far yet so close, and just like reality, he was hard to reach, harder to understand compared to before. He was a knife cutting deep, leaving a mark that constantly reminded you of the past.

How could you even make everything go back to the way it was?

Sunghoon was on your front door step the night everyone was out for dinner except you.

You hadn't expected him to turn up, thinking it'd be you that stood at his doorstep instead as you still had his jacket from that party (which you do not want to think about again).

"Sunghoon. Hey," the door was opened and you leaned against it, trying your best at hiding the hint of pining in your gaze.

"Oh, hey," he greeted back rather stiffly, dressed in a simple attire with the classic white Lacoste sneakers that he always wore. "I–I wanted to—"

"Take your … jacket?" You cut him off half way, nerves wrecking your brain.

A beat passed, Sunghoom visibly gulped. "Y–Yeah, my jacket,"

"I'll go grab it for you," you jerked your thumb over your shoulder, awkwardly scurrying back in to retrieve his jacket and coming back to see him chewing on his bottom lip, seemingly nervous. "Here. Thanks for it,"

"No problem," Sunghoon coughed, grabbing the jacket but absolutely paying no mind to it. His stare was straight at you.

"That's all, right?"

"Yeah,"

"Yeah," you echoed, hating the sudden rigidness between the two of you. "Bye then, Sunghoon,"

"Bye," Sunghoon said, looking dazed. Weird.

You saw him backing away and decided to close the door, but before you could even do so, a force had stopped you from closing it. Not a force, much rather a hand, his hand. The door was pushed open, and you physically jumped at the suddenness of it. Your eyes met Sunghoon's sorrowful ones.

"Don't push me away, Y/N, not again,"

"Sunghoon,"

He made his way in, closing the door behind him and you let him. Was this seriously happening?

"You said you wanted to give us one night to talk, so I'm here now. I didn't care about the jacket, I cared about you. I hate seeing us like this, it's like we're strangers," Sunghoon let out a frustrated huff, eyebrows furrowed.

"We can't just pretend nothing has happened between us,"

"So you want me to hate you instead? You're saying as if it's easy, Y/N, feelings don't work that way!"

"Then how do we go back to how it was? We can't, that's the truth. You're not the same person I used to know,"

"Cut the bullshit. I'm the same as I was, maybe just a little different than I was years ago, but that doesn't change anything. When does that ever stop you from loving?"

Were you too scared to love?

Sunghoon ran his hand across his face, wetting his lips. "You’re scared of change, and I don’t think that’s something new about you,”

Ouch.

“But I really wish you could let it all go. I don’t hate you, nor do I harbour any anger regarding the things that happened years ago. It hurts, it did, but seeing you now made me feel the opposite of all those emotions,” Sunghoon took a deep breath in, and you were holding yours. “I think about you a lot, actually. I regretted a lot of the things I said and done, and I wanted to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not being there for you and giving you the support you needed. I should've fought for us and not leave, I–I—" Sunghoon choked, unable to hold in his overpowering emotions anymore.

You didn’t say anything, instinctively closing in and pulling him into your arms, letting his head lie on your shoulder, ignoring the feeling of his warm tears soaking the fabric of your shirt. "I'm sorry too, for leaving you so easily,"

You stood there with Sunghoon in your arms, inevitably crying along and sobbing out your own apologies, the ones you had owed him and hidden all these years. He held you tight just as you did, and it felt like the nights he had you in his arms whenever you cried. You eventually calmed down whereas Sunghoon was still composing himself, avoiding your gaze.

You took the opportunity to hug him again, tighter and firmer this time, as if trying to stop him from running away.

"Can we start over? I don't want us to be strangers,"

You heard a sniffle, then a shaky breath of relief. "I'd love to,"

Pulling away, you locked eyes with him. They were twinkling brighter than the stars in the skies outside, filled with a spark of hope. "I'll make us some hot tea. Do you want to … stay over?"

"Can I?"

"I really want you to."

It didn't take more to convince Sunghoon to stay, all you had to do was ask and he'd listen.

That night, you and him hid in your room, talking for the whole night until the break of dawn. Nothing about the way he talked had changed, nor his laughter or the crinkles around his eyes when he smiled. He told you about the band and some side gigs, offering to bring you to some too.

You laid there in bed laughing all night, occasionally peeking over the side of your bed to check up on him who slept on the extra mattress, only to meet his eyes and freeze.

The red string of fate tying you and him together was beginning to reform.

Not feeling dread every time you saw Sunghoon was a new start for you. In fact, you were glad to see him.

The misunderstandings and complexity built up over the years were finally addressed, leaving you to peace and a small hope of rebuilding what you had with him. But you kept that thought away for now, holding onto the pieces you had at the moment.

"Come to one of my gigs," Sunghoon made a trip to your house on a random afternoon, a box of your favourite chocolate covered strawberries in his hand. He never forgot anything about you, didn't he?

"Are you bribing me or asking me?" You said despite accepting the box, your heart squeezing at the thought of him remembering the littlest details about you.

"I'm asking you but also offering a gift," he let himself in, almost like always, and you didn't even notice, just letting him do so. "I saw it and I thought of you so I got it,"

"Thanks," you waved the box a little, setting it down on the table and leaning slightly against it. "You still remember,"

His gaze softened. "Of course I do," his hand by his side was itching to reach out, but it never did, instead, he played it off by giving you a smile. "So, what do you say? This Saturday, watch our gig at the pub,"

"Are you singing?"

"I wish I did," he laughed, and you momentarily recalled the times you had karaoke sessions with him. Curse reminiscence. "I play the bass, Heeseung's the front man,"

You nodded slowly, picturing them as a band and smiling slowly. You've missed them, and it was then when you realised it. "I'll go,"

"Really?"

"Obviously, do you want me to say no?"

"Well, no," Sunghoon chuckled, quite literally unable to hide his excitement from the way he's grinning widely. "I'm just … glad, and surprised, and happy,"

You bit back a smile, shaking your head at him. "Text me the details, will you? I don't want to miss it."

Saturday rolled around quickly. You and Yunjin were sitting in a corner of the pub, beers on the table and whispering gossip about some of your high school classmates. High school might've ended years ago but gossip never stopped.

"Alright, folks, the next act is someone you already know, they are not strangers," the manager of the pub stepped onto the small stage, announcing Sunghoon and the guy's band. "Please welcome … April Nights!"

April?

You bit your tongue, an odd feeling boiling in your stomach. April was the month you broke up with Sunghoon and left for university, it was more than just a coincidence for him and his band to have 'April' in their name. All you knew was the sinking feeling never went away.

"You alright?" Yunjin noticed your silence, casting a worried glance at you.

"April …" you mumbled, eyes staring straight ahead at Sunghoon who was setting up his bass on stage. "There must be something behind it,"

"What?"

"Nothing,"

You shook away that feeling currently eating up and put your focus on Sunghoon instead. It wasn't your first time watching him perform. It has always been him on ice in a big arena, but now it was him on a small stage at a dingy pub.

Sunghoon's eyes wandered all over the room, finally landing on you, a smile spreading on his pretty face. You managed a small smile, waving a little to let him know you're there, you're actually there and not a figment of his imagination, a dream that he has been wishing on for far too long.

The first song they played was an ABBA song. To be specific, it was your favourite ABBA song that you would listen to with Sunghoon in the past. Was it a coincidence?

You knew Heeseung had a vocal of stars, but to hear it for the first time in years was sending you into heaven. However, you failed to keep your focus on him, redirecting it to the bassist. You couldn't stop looking at Sunghoon, and his gaze wouldn't leave yours either.

The second song soon came by, and at that point onwards, you knew it wasn't a coincidence. It only took two songs for you to realise that Sunghoon had prepared a set list of your favourite songs. The band was currently playing Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls, a song you had loved ever since forever.

You shouldn't be feeling light headed, but you were.

The set ended almost a few hours later. It was filled with your favourite songs, undoubtedly. The whole time, you were truly holding your breath, especially when Sunghoon was holding your gaze.

While people were filing in and out of the pub gradually, you stayed. It was well past midnight and Yunjin's cheeks were pink from the alcohol, wandering off to join Heeseung and the others. You, on the other hand, were sober as hell, waiting for Sunghoon with nerve wrecking anticipation.

"Hey, hey, hey. How did we do?" Sunghoon slid into a seat like an apparition appearing out of thin air. You jumped a little, but melted into a smile at the sight of him.

"You guys were great," it was genuine, because they did do amazing, probably more than just amazing. "'April nights', an interesting name,"

Realisation dawned on Sunghoon's face, he swallowed thickly. "I—yeah. April was an interesting month,"

"The set list …"

"Right, the set list," he chuckled, shifting on his feet a little nervously and stiffly. "I figured since you're here I'll play some of your favourite songs,"

"Oh," you let out softly, not knowing what else to say, this was something you found yourself acting around Sunghoon now. "That's … nice,"

Sunghoon gouged your expressions and the tone of your voice, a slow frown etching onto his tired face. "Did you not … like it? I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable,"

"No, it's not that! I'm just—" you paused, thinking of an appropriate word to describe how you felt. Frankly, you didn't know your exact feelings. "—surprised and … confused?"

"Confused?"

"Sunghoon, we're exes, and you pulling this isn't exactly helping—this—" you gestured to the space between you and him. "Us,"

Sunghoon was silent for a moment, occasionally opening his mouth to say something just to close it before he could. "I—maybe I read it all wrong, I thought—you know what, forget it,"

"Don't. Just tell me," you reached over for him, but didn't touch his hand. "What are we? We're not exactly best friends nor are we enemies. I don't want any tension between us and I don't want you to think you have zero chance at all," you breathed, searching for his eyes. "I would want us to work out again, if that's what you want too,"

Sunghoon's eyes glistened with a spark of hope, relief washing over his face. It was an answer to his question. "I want us to work out. I want us to have another chance," his hand reached out for yours the first time since you've seen each other, feeling the warmth of his touch that you were no stranger to. He carefully and gently intertwined his hand with yours.

"We'll always find our way back to each other."

It was odd but comforting to know that nothing has changed when it came to you and Sunghoon.

Sunghoon brought you to your favourite places, ate your favourite dishes, did your favourite activities as an attempt to rekindle everything back. Safe to say it was working.

Just like the first dates you had together, you felt yourself having the same bubbly feeling internally, the same giggles you caught yourself having after a stupid joke he made. Despite all that, over the course of a few weeks, it had you wondering about your relationship with him.

"Will you date him again?" Yunjin could tell you were struggling, even if you didn't say it, it was still quite evident.

"What's with the sudden question?"

"Well, considering he has taken you out on so many dates and still hasn't asked you to be his girlfriend again, I could tell you're troubled,"

"Okay, mind reader," you grumbled and shifted in your seat, hating how right she was. "He said he wanted to give us a chance again, so I was expecting that—you know—we'd get back together soon,"

"Your 'soon' seems a bit urgent, but I don't blame you," Yunjin shrugged, gaze softening at your words. "I can tell how much love there still is between the two of you. It's natural to gravitate towards each other, but time, time is what you need to heal the scars, Y/N. It's been years, give yourself time."

You suppose giving yourself time truly was what you needed. But when you mentally said you needed space, you didn't mean wanting Sunghoon to ignore you.

That's right. He was ignoring you.

How did you know? Apparently, the hard way.

Calls, messages were all brushed aside. You didn't even see him physically. At one point, you considered him dead, but seeing him at a party proved to you that he wasn't.

"What the fuck is your problem?"

Cornering him was a challenge, but being headstrong and slightly buzzed, nothing could possibly stop you.

"Y/N?"

"Wow, I'm surprised you remember my name," you seethed, almost stumbling forward and throwing a punch at him. "So, we're playing the game where you get back at me and ghost me after all that we've been through lately? Sweet! Could've given me a head's up though,"

"What? You're the one who's planning to abandon me just like before!"

"What are you even saying?"

"Your email, Y/N. I saw your email. How you have a big job in London and you just can't wait to join, throwing me away like a summer's fling right before you leave,"

"You're not making any sense, I'm not accepting that role!" You were heaving at anger at this point, matching the fumes emitting from Sunghoon's ears. "You dickhead! I'm literally throwing my dreams away and you're here thinking I'm leaving you again? Is that what you thought of first? Oh, maybe you could've just asked me, but you didn't, just like the past,"

Bringing up the past had triggered something not only in you but him. He blinked, keeping silent but chewing anxiously on the inside of his cheek.

"You never changed, huh?"

You heaved a deep breath, shaking your head a little, not to answer his question, but at him.

"Well I guess that makes the both of us."

"I fucked it up, didn't I?"

The night after the confrontation, you woke up on Yunjin's couch with a hangover thanks to your habit of drinking your problems away. Remembering Sunghoon's face and the feelings you felt literally had you shrivelling back into the couch, a deep frown etched on your face.

"Partly, yes, but mostly, no," you felt the couch dip beneath Yunjin's weight as she joined your side, a warm cup of coffee in her hand. "He fucked up first, but I think it's all just a big misunderstanding,"

"I don't we've healed from it," you took the cup from her and drank from it. "He's scared of me leaving and I was considering leaving again. Maybe we're just not meant to be,"

Yunjin sighed, moving her body closer to you and placing a comforting hand on yours. "If you're not leaving, that means you're staying, which also means you get to make it right. You get to have time to mend it all unlike the last time,"

"I have to make it right, don't I?"

A nod of confirmation from Yunjin was all you needed to know your next step. So, you decided to show up at his gig in the same exact pub without thinking through it twice.

"He's not here tonight," Heeseung looked thoroughly puzzled by your sudden appearance, and it seemed none of them knew about the small altercation you had with Sunghoon.

"Really?"

"Yeah, he's been acting a bit … off. We asked him to take a night off, maybe you should give him a call."

If only it was that easy.

Walking back home with a dejected heart was not the plan you had in mind. A part of you even thought this was truly the end, maybe he reached the conclusion of going no contact and you have no choice but to accept it. Was this karma?

It didn't help that you walked past the park that you and Sunghoon used to run off to back in the past. The exact bench which you and him sat on still resided there. Your curious mind led your legs towards it, taking a seat and remembering all the memories you shared with him.

Being alone under the night sky and getting accompanied by the dim light coming from the street lamp had given you a chance to rethink your choices about coming back home, whether it was worth it to see Sunghoon once again and try for the closure you never got. Well, look where it got you now.

The ruffles of the leaves got you snapping your head towards the direction of the noise, but it only landed on a figure.

"Y/N?"

You squinted, waiting until the figure walked under the streetlamp to distinguish that it was … Sunghoon. You should be feeling glad now that he was there in front you, but why were you feeling the exact opposite?

"Sunghoon? W–what are you doing here?" You stood up, watching him getting closer, the anguish in his face was clear.

"I–I … I went to look for you," he started, carefully and slowly inching closer until there's a comfortable distance between you both. "You weren't home and I thought … that was it,"

That was a fatal flaw you and him shared, wasn't it?

"I went to the pub to look for you too," your voice came out in a hushed whisper, breathing becoming ragged. "And you weren't there, so I thought … I thought it was the end too,"

"Fuck's sake, I know I said this many times but I'm sorry, Y/N," he sounded desperate, apologetic and almost exasperated. "I'm sorry for assuming things and ignoring you, I guess I never really got rid of the avoiding thing. I'm just … scared of you leaving me and I can't accept it again,"

"I'm not leaving, Hoonie," you were the first to reach out, to touch him and pull him into your embrace. "I didn't think you'd see that email so I never said anything about it. But I'm not leaving, okay? Not this time, never again. I'm here and I'm staying,"

You heard Sunghoon's quiet breathing next to your ear, his calming heartbeat thrumming against your shoulder. "I'm sorry, I really am, Y/N. I said I wanted to make this right but why does it feel like I'm fucking it all up?"

"You're not, Hoon, trust me. If I have to be honest here, both of us have past scars that aren't healed yet. It takes time, one step at a time, and that was what I learned. I think we're not fully healed from the past," you held onto him tighter, spilling all your hidden truths. "We can make it right, but first, we have to forgive ourselves, forgive each other and move on,"

Sunghoon pulled away a little, but his arms still remained around you. It was the first time you were ever so close to him since the split, wholly vulnerable and showing him your truest emotions.

"I forgive you," he whispered, pearly tears threatening to spill from the edge of his eyes. "And I'm sorry again,"

"I forgive you too," your grip on his jacket tightened, a small comforting smile appearing on your lips, one that Sunghoon reciprocated.

"I don't think I'll ever stop loving you," he confessed, a little out of the blue, but it was something he needed to get out of his system before he burst. "Those years when you were away, I see you in everyone else, I don't think anyone could ever compare. I still love you even after this long,"

Your mind was in a haze upon hearing his confession, sincerity and longing hidden in his words but evident in his eyed. For a moment, you thought of what you could say, but nothing came to mind, so you did the first thing your body told you to. You kissed him. Actually, it was more of a peck, a simple quick peck that was enough to shock both him and you.

"I'm sorry!" You saw his wide eyes and wondered if it was a good time to have even done that.

Sunghoon melted into an expression of adoration, a wide smile etched on his lips, as if in both disbelief and relief that you kissed him. "Don't be sorry," he stepped closer, only an inch measured the distance between you and him. The space became smaller when he leaned down, eyes flickering down to your lips. "Can I?"

Was this happening? "Yeah,"

Sunghoon didn't waste any moment in meeting your lips with his. It was natural, easy, for you to kiss him just like first instinct. The amount of desperation, sadness, anger and love were poured into the way he kissed you. There wasn't any urgency, but it spoke louder than intended.

It was short, but it was enough to let the both you know the true feelings you harboured for each other. By the time you pulled away from him, you felt his eyes on you, a giggle erupted from you unexpectedly, and he started joining in.

You really looked like a lovesick fool standing under the streetlamp with your lover.

"Do you want to stop by that old spot we used to go to?" Sunghoon suggested, a little shyly this time.

"The one nearby?"

"That one,"

"Let's go then." you nodded, casting him a soft smile.

Sunghoon didn't say much, but his hand did the talking by reaching for yours. He held onto it tightly, intertwining his fingers with yours and swinging your interlocked hands as you walked. He might've not said much, but you could tell how he felt.

Feelings might be complicated, and making amends with the history behind a broken relationship was equally challenging, but what mattered most was getting back with the one who you called your soulmate, your lover, your best friend.

☆ permanent taglist (open):

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heartsforhavik · 5 months

Text

clean (sub zero, scorpion x reader)

warnings: self harm, slight angst to comfort

pairings: bi-han and kuai liang x gn reader (separate)

a/n: this is a bit self indulgent, i am now 10 months clean as of today. i usually don’t write kuai liang, but i thought he’d be one of the most comforting characters to have by your side. i hope this can provide some comfort to those struggling.

(please read the warning before you continue.)

bi-han walked into your bedroom and saw you looking down at your old wounds. they looked to be self-inflicted, as they were all faded straight lines covering your arms.

bi-han is no stranger to scars. as the grandmaster of the lin kuei, he has grown used to the injuries he gains in kombat.

but he was not aware you had scars of your own. especially self-inflicted ones.

“beloved?”

you quickly hid your arms as soon as you heard your boyfriend’s voice.

“good evening, bi-han. how are you?” you asked, pretending he saw nothing.

he went up to you and gently grabbed your arm, taking a closer look at your scars.

“what is this…?” he asked. he already knew the answer, but he hoped he was wrong.

you went quiet. there was an uncomfortable silence between you two, as the only sounds you could hear were his deep breaths and the wind blowing outside.

“a few months ago…” you took a deep breath, preparing for the worst. “i… wasn’t doing very well. so i resorted to the only thing i thought i deserved. i felt like such an idiot at the time. i was making so many mistakes, so i just decided to give myself a… punishment. i haven’t done it since, i swear-”

your boyfriend interrupted you by pulling you in for a hug. he knew you were most likely better now. but would hate for you to think he doesn’t care about your feelings.

“if you ever feel that way again, please let me know.” bi-han whispered, holding you tight. he never cared about someone like this before. and now that he’s had a taste of what it’s like to love, he doesn’t wish to part from it.

he has also never been in your shoes, so he wants to comfort you as best as he can. but he doesn’t exactly know how to comfort someone, so he hopes he can hold you in his arms and it’ll be enough.

you are enough. he just wants you to know that. even if he has to remind you over and over. even if he ever loses his temper and you get into a fight. he would still love you. he always will. bi-han cherishes you as one of the only people that truly make him happy, so he hopes what happened to you in the past won’t have to happen again.

kuai liang felt sick when he saw your scars. he hoped they were old. but whether they were old or new, he should let you know that if something was going on, he would be there for you.

he wanted to tell you that immediately.

“my love..?” kuai liang called out, trying to hold back tears. he tried not to cry, knowing this was about you, not him. but he couldn’t help but feel a wave of sadness wash over him at the thought of you hurting yourself. he cared about you so much, his biggest fear was losing you.

“yes? is there something wrong?” you asked.

upon seeing you, kuai liang immediately embraced you as if he hadn’t seen you in years.

“do you understand how much i love you? i will always be here for you. at your happiest and lowest. no matter what, i will always help you when there is something wrong. even if i cannot solve the problem, you know i will do whatever i can.” he whispered, as he looked you in your eyes, the ones that he loved very dearly.

“what is this about?” you asked nervously.

“i saw your injuries…” kuai liang mumbled.

his gaze fell down to your arms. there were so many scars littered across your skin. they were faded, but that doesn’t mean they were never there.

“i just…” kuai liang sighed. “…wanted to let you know that i am always here for you, if you ever feel that way again. i am so sorry that your emotions drove you to the point of self-harm. i am not judging, but i do not it to happen again. i’ll do everything i can to prevent it.”

you were better. you had no desire to harm yourself again. sometimes the thought pops into your head every now and then, but you refuse. even though you were better, you still appreciated kuai liang’s support and determination to prevent it from ever happening again.

“it’s been 10 months.” you mumbled, sitting down against the wall.

kuai liang gave you a ‘hm?’ sound, as he sat down next to you.

“today marks 10 months since i last did it. i’m 10 months clean, kuai liang.” you explained.

“i’m proud of you. let’s make sure that number doesn’t go down, okay?” he encouraged, patting your back as a sign of support.

“yeah.. i try. i always try.” you admitted, leaning your head on his shoulder.

“i know, my love. i know.” kuai liang smiled, giving you a kiss on the forehead. he truly was proud of you. you were so strong, and he admired your honesty throughout the conversation. he understood that your past was difficult, but he believed that someone’s past does not define who they are.

even though you have been through tragedy, your existence is not a tragedy.

kuai liang accepts you wholeheartedly, and he’ll always be there to support you.

#mortal kombat 1 x reader #mk x reader #mk1 x reader #mk1 bi han #bi han x reader #bi han x you #sub zero x reader #sub zero #mk1 kuai liang #kuai liang x reader #kuai liang x you #scorpion x reader #mortal kombat x reader

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jennaimmortal · 6 months

Text

Musings on OFMD Season 2

I’m feeling a bit sad today for the OFMD writers. After rewatching S1 & 2 a couple times, it’s become blatantly clear to me that Izzy’s arc this season was a very obvious love letter to both Izzy fans & the great Con O’Neil. Izzy was very clearly written to be an obstacle to Ed’s healing & personal growth, a snare that Ed needed to be freed from, albeit with plenty of nuance hiding under the surface. It would have been much easier for them to kill Izzy off while he was still the toxic, abusive, sadomasochistic terror of S1E10.

Instead of taking the easy route, though, the writers flipped the trope on its head! They utilized every bit of the potential buried beneath Izzy’s super fucked up shell. This season Izzy got

• a fully fleshed out redemption complete with terrible consequences of his 1x10 actions

• a realization of the possibility of another way of thinking & existing that he’d spent all of S1 running from & trying to destroy,

• genuine love & support from his crew mates which he was actually able to accept,

• exploration of the long abandoned softer side of his nature,

• an apology from Ed w/o first offering one of his own,

• a powerful, devastatingly poignant speech that mentally demolished a new nemesis, and finally

• a beautiful, meaningful death in the arms of the man he’d dedicated so much of his life to, known that he was truly loved by him & completely accepting of the fact that Ed’s love was not in the form he’d always hoped for.

It was so much more than we could have hoped for, and was very obviously done in service to the MANY fans that had fallen in love with Izzy even after S1, as well as to give Con a storyline worthy of his immense talent. Considering the face that Izzy was never going to end up becoming the show’s third protagonist, it was more than we could have hoped for!

OFMD has two protagonists, Stede & Ed. All the secondary character narratives that haven’t directly involved Ed and/or Stede have been icing on the cake, but the cake has always been the Gentlebeard love story. I feel like some people forget this, expecting them to treat the secondary characters as if it were an ensemble show instead of a show with leads.

Izzy’s arc really was an amazing gift! The writers gave us this incredible journey for Izzy this season, and what did a disgraceful number of people do? They attacked David directly, insulted the entire show, the writers, & other characters, even wishing actual harm & misery to other characters or even to David himself!

While I know that comparatively speaking, the percentage of show fans who reacted this way was relatively small, it was still an astounding amount of hatred & vitriol thrown at the people who had obviously worked very hard to give Izzy fans something beautiful to hold on to after his inevitable death. Much of the discourse honestly shocked me, considering the fact that OFMD isn’t even an adaptation of another work.

When fans get angry at shows written as adaptations of books, it’s a bit more understandable for them to have extreme reactions. They’ve had certain ideas and headcanons about characters they’ve felt very strongly about for a long time. It can be really jarring & painful when expectations like that aren’t met, the characters or plots are taken in totally different directions, or even excluded entirely.

OFMD, however, is an original creation. This is David Jenkins’s story. These are David Jenkins’s characters. He knows his story, his plotlines, his characters far better than anyone else does because they came from HIS brain! So while we as fans can have our own interpretations & head canons, they are always going to be at risk of being proven totally wrong by the ACTUAL canon.

One of the worst aspects of fandoms, in my opinion, is the way people become so proprietary over the story & characters, insisting that their own interpretations & theories are the only correct ones, which is exactly what happened with Izzy. Fans’ individual & collective interpretations, theories, hopes, & other head canons became concrete & true in their minds. So much so that when the actual story didn’t meet those expectations, so many of them lashed out in some truly unpleasant, sometimes hateful ways.

My only hope is that the rest of the fandom’s love, appreciation, constructive criticism, heartbreak, pain, joy, & excitement has been enough to drown out the deluge of vitriolic comments directed at David & the other writers.

If you stuck with me through this unintentionally long diatribe, thank you! Maybe take a moment to give the writers some comments or replies on social media, showing your love! I know I will!

#our flag means death #ofmd #ed teach #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd season 2 #ofmd s2 #ofmd izzy #izzy hands

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mommyclaws · 5 months

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Opinions on Leopardstar? I haven't read leopardstar's Honor yet, not sure what happens there, but I've heard it's somewhat disappointing.

I was always somewhat angry that she never really mentioned Tigerstar after the whole Tigerclan thing, and we never really got to see how she felt about the whole thing, just that the people she sent to die really didn't like her.

A Shadow in Riverclan also kinda did the same thing where she gave a little pep talk and suddenly everything was ok for Feathertail, after she had horrible ptsd from Leopardstar

I want to like her but she's such a nothing character imo to actually have an opinion on because I think she was done pretty dirty, as Riverclan and her weren't really the focus of the series for so long

I consider myself a Leopardstar fan. I’ve been wanting to talking about my feelings/view on her for a while so i’ll put all my thoughts here!

The direction they took with her in canon is dissatisfying but she has alot of groundwork that gives her interesting potential. Her father is a medic- formerly warrior- who changed his position because he is against violence. She turns into everything Mudfur wanted to escape from. Too proud, itching for a battle, apathetic to the suffering of the other clans. And even if it was a let down, I can appreciate the authors at least tried to do more with her character than let her off the hook as easily as Blackfoot.

I like her mostly in comparison to my dislike for Blackstar's character. He teamed with Brokenstar and Tigerstar, committed murders and didn’t protest to the abuse of his own clan. He does nothing to atone and doesn't even seem particularly remorseful but he's still rewarded by being made leader. Leopardstar was already in power when she made the decisions that cost cats their lives. Cats trusted her to protect them and her neglect threw them into savagery and death. Standing by to allow kits and her own deputy be slaughtered is GRUESOME. I read her as someone blinded by ambition, just another product of the code. She misjudged then got in over her head with Tigerclan and was willing to toss others aside to save her own tail. Maybe she truly is remorseful, but it doesn't change what she did. Nothing can.

Crookedstar's leadership was very relaxed and she considered him weak. He gave up land to Shadowclan, he could never keep Sunningrocks, he allowed Thunderclan to take refugee on multiple occasions, and all of the half clan cats he accepts are seemingly only because they're his kin. She had thoughts of making Riverclan powerful and feared once he was out of the picture, it's why she completely disregarded his dying wishes- She couldn't bring herself to respect him.

The politics of Riverclan change drastically with her nine lives. Closed borders and no tolerance for Thunderclan, not even Graystripe, who only wanted to be with his kits. Riverclan is strong. But it could be stronger, couldn't it? She and Tigerclaw served as deputies together, even if he was the enemy, she thought well of him. He is a fierce and respected Thunderclan warrior. Or so he was. While she initially thought it a red flag he was now serving Shadowclan, she couldn't disagree with him for leaving Thunderclan when she already had so much resentment for them and ruling Shadowclan, it was true. They had been weaken for many moons, it was Tigerstar who reunited them and made them powerful. So when he promises to make her clan just as powerful, together, she doesnt refuse.

She very consistently and vocally had a dislike for half-clan cats. She exiled Graystripe. She calls Featherpaw and Stormpaw liabilities. She banishes Stormfur and Brook. I think she has very genuine hateful beliefs but at the same time she’s horrified at what happened to Stonefur. That was a cat she was trusting to become the next leader of Riverclan. And he was killed for defending innocent lives. She knows she was wrong, she regrets it, she has nightmares about the bonehill. (<- This was confirmed by an author apparently!) but her attempts to “atone” are surface level and shallow at best. She wants to be forgiven without changing. She makes Mistyfoot deputy to show she’s better now, but what meaning does that position have after Stonefur was slaughtered? She apologizes to Feathertail and Stormfur, but they still feel like complete outcasts. They’re more friendly with their former clanmates in Thunderclan and Leopardstar later exiles Stormfur over a faked sign. I think her attempts were never to better herself or right her victims, but to relieve her own guilt. She’s always prioritized herself above others.

#Short answer? I like her as a complicated DISlikable character #people can do bad things they regret and still be a bad person #I think her leadership is interesting because despite how much she doesn’t deserve it- shes the leader. she gets to stay the leader.#and continues to make bad choices sprinkled with few and far between moments of apology #because she feels more sorry for herself and her guilt than the cats affected by it #warrior cats #txt #Leopardstar #infodump tag #thanks for the ask! you get. giant paragraph

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cherr-22 · 7 months

Text

TNGDH 26

The study was filled with people even before the sun rose.

The Kyle who once kissed me ten times a day only kissed me thrice. He worked busily as if he had forgotten about my existence.

On one side, it’s a good thing. I don’t have to deal with his otaku-ness.

“Move that item to this side. The clothes too.”

“Yes, Your Highness.”

“Good. And the report?”

“It has been sorted out, Your Highness.”

“Well done. Then call that person over here.”

“Are you talking about the demonic beast specialist? I am not sure if he is in his room right now…… as Your Highness has mentioned before, it seems the time he is out is longer than the time he stays in the room.”

Kyle drew a faint smile.

“Still, we promised to go together. He must be waiting.”

“I understand, Your Highness. I will call him over quickly. Then Your Highness…….”

“I will be going over the reports on the demonic beasts for a moment.”

With that, he came over briefly to give a pat on my head and began to read over the reports.

Since it was a crucial matter, Kyle’s expression became serious. Even the smallest detail could determine life or death.

I contemplated to whether I should use the replica hamster, but decided that a ‘Summon’ would be enough after seeing Kyle focusing hard on his duties.

‘Current Miracle Points are roughly 26 percent…….’

No matter how fast we return, it could take up to half a day.

Who knows how many acorn cookies I would have to eat. Do you not do bulk sales? Well, okay then…… I’ll think about it when the time comes. Worst comes worst, I’ll pretend to return early.

I used ‘Summon’.

[I wish you good luck! (ෆ`꒳´ෆ)]

I wore my now familiar clothes and pretended as if I have been waiting in the room for a while. The soldiers then came and guided me back to the study.

Until the moment I entered the study, Kyle was busy reading. Seeing him like this made him look very diligent and tenacious.

“The Northern winds are harsh.”

He gestured at a box on the table.

“Wear this now. We will depart immediately.”

I looked inside the box.

There were sturdy leather boots, a hooded long coat, and light-weighted bow and arrows.

“The bow and arrows will not be necessary for this reconnaissance, but it is good to get used to having them equipped.”

For him to say that, it must be extremely uncomfortable to carry around.

I suppressed my urge to talk back. What could I do anyway? If I wanted to find one that was comfortable, I would’ve just stayed quietly in the castle.

“I’ve also prepared something.”

I was trying to figure out when to give it to him for a while, so this would be a good time.

I pretended to carefully take out my coat pocket and called the store.

[Love Love Corner~❤]

I will never get used to that name ‘Whatever Corner’.

‘Anyways, let’s see. The hamster items…….’

[Fluffy hamster yarn! ｜ ❤×10]

[Small and precious knitting needle set ｜ ❤×10]

[Try making one yourself! 79 styles of hamster clothes ｜ ❤×20]

Hey, hey! Hey!

What’s with the prices! They all have an extra ‘0’ than before! Isn’t this a scam?

[o(TヘTo)]

If someone were to see us, they would think I’m the one scamming you with your expression like that. This is absurd.

‘Still, I can buy it since I have plenty of Hearts compared to Miracle Points…….’

From now on, I should buy items beforehand while they are cheap. To betray a person like this. I don’t have a choice so I should accept it at the moment.

[Currently Possessing Hearts ｜ ❤×185]

New items arrived in the Love Love Corner.

[Demonic Beast Encyclopedia ｜ ❤×200]

This is exactly what I want!

I cried of joy inside.

‘I wonder if the system requires the Hearts and Miracle Points to constantly update the store.’

If that’s the case, I could look over the increase in price from earlier. That is, if they release useful items like this.

However, there’s a problem…….

[Currently Possessing Hearts ｜ ❤×185]

……Not enough Hearts.

I probably could’ve bought it if I hadn’t been ripped off.

I resisted the urge to curse out loud.

“What’s wrong?”

The image of Kyle reading <Try making one yourself! 79 styles of hamster clothes> as seriously as the report from before appeared before me.

“Well…… umm, so. Do you like my present?”

“I don’t know if it’ll like wearing these clothes, but they are definitely cute.”

He flipped to a page and showed it to me. It was a picture of a pink cape with a strawberry-shaped embroidery.

“Oh…….”

Bastard. You think it’d like that? The hamster would punch you if it could. And how do I know that? I know that because I’m that hamster.

Of all 79 clothes, you just had to pick that one? How about the others? Don’t tell me all the other 78 clothes are also like that.

That stupid strawberry. In all twenty-seven years of my life, I never worn such a ridiculous print. I wouldn’t even wear it by accident.

“……I-I’m sure it’ll like it. Is that pattern to your taste?”

“Well. Just imagining Cashew wearing it makes me happy.”

Kyle’s expression grew a little brighter..

I quickly checked the amount of Hearts I have.

[Currently Possessing Hearts ｜ ❤×186]

I already knew it vaguely, but it was now clear.

A Heart was given when Kyle Jane Meinhardt became happy. And with that, I could buy something that might be helpful or that would help avoid a crisis.

For example, the <Demonic Beast Encyclopedia>.

That book will clearly contain the characteristics, hunting habits, weaknesses, and other information on the demonic beasts in the North. That must’ve been why it was added to the store just recently, right before the reconnaissance.

As if to confirm my thoughts, the system window quietly floated up.

[Please replace bad moments with happy moments, and overcome dangerous situations!]

[Happiness is said to be another name for miracles. (๑˘ꇴ˘๑)]

Alright, I understand. I’ll do my best.

I showcased to Kyle how to use the small crochet hook.

During a volunteer work in the past, I learned to crochet wash scrubs. At the time, I thought it was one of the most useless thing to learn but now I’m using it here. As expected, who knows how life would turn up in the future.

“I’ll teach you more in detail next time…… this is basically how you do it. Your Highness is new to this, so I prepared everything carefully just for you.”

“Hm.”

“Since we have to go now, take a quick look and come back to it later. Rather than that strawberry thing, let’s start with simple clothes and try various other designs. Like sweaters and pants.”

“I worry it might not feel comfortable wearing clothes.”

I can put up with it once or twice.

“It should be fine if you don’t try to force it to wear them.”

He went silent momentarily. It seemed to be that he was imagining something in his head.

[Currently Possessing Hearts ｜ ❤×195]

……Crazy.

Aren’t you imagining things a little too hard? Just what exactly is going on in your mind right now?……No, never mind. Let’s not be curious about that. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

“Though I suppose it will be quiet for a while?”

I walked down the stairs, matching his pace. Kyle nodded, realizing I was talking about Belial.

“That’s right. There hasn’t been any big news so it should be quiet for at most a year, at least three months.

“You talk about it as if it’s some kind of annual event.”

“Well, it’s not any different.”

Kyle wrapped his arms around my shoulders to prevent me from being pushed around by the other knights.

It was comfortable to be honest. It felt like I was had some kind of special privilege. That being said, it didn’t make me feel happy in particular since I would have to return this favor eventually. Whether it would be a miracle, or happiness, by any means.

“He does not like me. His hate is similar to how I resent his bloodline. However, it didn’t feel as if he would try to get rid of me.”

He would be happy to put Kyle under his feet, but he wouldn’t try to kill him.

The reason was obvious. I bit my lower lips out of annoyance.

“He doesn’t want to manage the North. Well, not that he would be doing it directly with his own hands anyway.”

“That’s right.”

So, he would be keeping Kyle alive as a guard? I can’t deny it does look like that right now.

“Come this way.”

Kyle picked me up and put me on top of a black horse. It felt a little uncomfortable seeing that the current horse was taller than the one I rode yesterday.

I held the reigns awkwardly and looked down at Kyle. Seeing his face from above made him look slightly different than usual.

He mounted the horse in a familiar manner and also held the reigns from behind me. When his chest touched my back, I felt strangely stable.

“Lean on me.”

Kyle spoke bluntly. I naturally leaned on him as he placed both arms around from my back.

To be honest, it felt a little cozy. Our body size wasn’t too different and his solid chest was quite comfortable to lean on.

“You don’t seem to be nervous at all.”

“If we stay here talking, we’d only waste time and energy.”

“You’re right.”

Kyle took the lead and moved forward with the knights lined up behind him. Clip-clop. As the dust rose and the horses started to walk in unison, I felt the ground underneath shaking.

“About Cashew.”

I hesitantly opened my mouth.

To be honest, I’m not confident that I could make someone happy. Even trying to be happy myself was a struggle, how hard would it be to take care of others?

“Why do you like it so much? It’s just a small demonic beast. Nobody thought you’d even take it in as a pet. You brought in magicians, veterinarians, and me too… it’s as if you cherish it a lot and I find that curious. I thought demonic beasts were to be slain or conquered at all costs in the North.”

I don’t know how to make you happy, but I want to listen to you and understand you.

“The people of Blake took over to reside in the North, but at the same time they coexist with the North. Humans are beings who conquer nature, but at the same time they are beings who belong to nature. Destruction is not the only thing they do.”

“Demonic beasts are a dangerous existence. One careless mistake and it could instantly snuff out a person’s life and trample on the foundation you built over the years. Cashew is no exception. If I deem that it will become dangerous to keep as a pet, it will be disposed of.”

Please don’t do that. There’s a person inside.

“However, I cannot kill it for a reason that has not yet happened yet.”

So I…… no, Cashew could’ve died?

“It was separated from its group, shaking helplessly and unable to even open its eyes. If I hadn’t picked it up then and there, it wouldn’t even have lasted an hour.”

“Did you pity it?”

“Yes. Is that strange?”

“No, well…….”

Is there anything to think strange about it? That was his choice and in the end, it was a good choice. Who would’ve thought that the ruler of the North would have such a humane side to him.

“I just want to say thank you.”

Kyle looked at me for a short moment in silence. It was a strange look, but also a look of happiness.

“Would Cashew think that way too?”

“Of course.”

“How could you be so sure?”

“Since…… I’m a demonic beast specialist?”

And your one and only pet hamster.

--------------------------------------------------------

Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

#tngdh

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celaenaeiln · 6 months

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Okay, so I've been scouring your blog these past few days, and ughh, it feels so good to find someone who actually seems to understand who Dick is! His eldest daughter complex is something I relate to so much, and was the thing that really drew me in. A lot of people look at the mediation and emotional weight lifting, (and those are huge parts of it, don't get me wrong,) but something else I find very eldest child is the way his own relationship with Bruce has continued to take hits all so Bruce can have better relationships with the others. Like when you're the oldest your parents make so many more mistakes with you. I also can't help but feel like it's got to be so hard as Dick to look at the way Bruce is with Tim/Dami/Cass, and wish that he could have that kind of relationship with his Dad. They want to be jealous of the trust, think he's the golden child, and yet at the same time, he's wishing he had something more resembling the true parent/child relationship the others got. (Idk maybe I'm projecting, but oh lord I go absolutely feral for eldest daughter Dick, it just hurts so good)

og post in reference

Yes! I'm so glad you brought that up!!

In terms of parenting, and why I don't really write about Bruce being a parent to Dick, is because Dick is kinda a guinea pig, as my engineering teacher put it once.

He was the Bruce's first for everything. First friend, first partner, first son - he just took responsibility for all roles. It makes things even worse because Bruce at the time he took in Dick, he had only been Batman for three years. Three. And he was literally drowning under the weight of the mask until he found Dick. There's a reason why Dick is Bruce's is right hand man and that's because Dick's been with him through everything. When Bruce was struggling and almost giving into his obsession, Dick was there to pull him out of it.

He quite literally mothered Bruce through his feelings, asking if everything was okay, what's wrong, watching him constantly and guaging his mood. This is exhausting work because Dick's mind was always on Bruce's mental state, much like a mother worried constantly about her teenage daughter or a father about his son.

That adoption scene where Dick asks Bruce, "why didn't you adopt me?" That's the realization of eldest daughter syndrome brought up.

Up until then, Dick was completely fine with being the caretaker for Bruce and lifting him up. He parented Bruce for so long and so smoothly, neither fully realized how much Dick was doing for him until he left. When Bruce adopts Jason, that's when Dick realizes there's something wrong with their dynamic.

I don't know if at that time Dick really wanted to be adopted or if he felt neglected because that he's wasn't while another was. But one thing he feels isn't jealousy, he's very clear on that, but Dick feels hurt.

Was there something he did wrong that caused Bruce to do that? What he do differently? What could he have done better? These types of questions constantly cloud his brain because he's gotten so used to taken care of his guardian for two decades now that he must feel hurt on some level even if he never expresses. He wouldn't begrudge his siblings because he feels happy Bruce isn't making the same mistakes to them that he did with Dick but at the same time, it's just exhausting for him.

Bruce might have improved but he isn't the best, so now he's busy taking care of both his brothers and sisters and his father. He also has to take care of his friends too.

He has the weight of the world on his shoulders but the worst part for him isn't the actual the weight - it's the realization that he's holding the weight. Because before he could live on in ignorance and bliss that Bruce was always going to be this way, and taking care of him would naturally just be Dick's job. He's so used to it, he's been doing it since he was eight.

But now, he knows what he's doing, he knows he's not supposed to, but he must. Because they rely on him, but also because that's what Bruce made him into. And I think that hurts the most for him.

He'll feel conflicted about it because on one hand, he loves Bruce. He loves him so much, he'll do anything for him. But also what about all those missed opportunities? Could he have been something different? Maybe he could've hung out with the Titans more if he didn't have to deal with bruce constantly demanding his presence. Maybe he could've joined a new class he never thought he would try.

Dick doesn't regret what he did and if he could go back in time, he would do it all over again but...he probably feels melancholic again. To love a parent so much you sacrifice your happiness over and over again so they can be happy while you're forced to grow up early. Dick's personality itself just lends itself to helping others but constantly taking care of your parent?

He's happy but he feels helpless and sad so he stays silent about it all.

It's said that Eldest Daughter Syndrome can make women feel overburdened, stressed out, and constantly responsible for others.

More signs include having a strong sense of responsibility (leading the batfam and hero teams), feeling a need for control (him fighting for his independence against Bruce and fighting to take care of his own teams), carrying the heavy weight of parents' expectations (his entire monologue in Nightwing 1996 about his feelings towards Bruce), perfectionism (Roy grouching about Dick's perfectionist tendencies to Kori in Outsiders and Roy yelling at Batman for it in Batman Plus), struggling with same-age relationships (dating older), and feeling resentment towards family (his outsiders era was him just resenting Bruce in the beginning).

He's been parenting Bruce for so long he was forced to grow up prematurely. I mentioned in my compartmentalization post when Dick's parents have literally just died. And he's forcing himself to act happy because he doesn't want Bruce to feel guilty and upset about not catching their murderer yet. That's not a responsibility a child should have - pretending everything is fine so as not to worry their family. That's the role of a parent. He's taking parenting his own parent because his actual one is incapable of doing so.

But Bruce's greatest fear is that by taking in Dick, he deprived Dick of opportunities to shine. To live in the limelight. And Dick knows everything about Bruce, so he knows Bruce's worst fears. And for this reason, out of the love that he has in his heart, Dick will never tell Bruce if he's hurt him because this is directly connected to his worst fear.

And that hurts. Because vocally releasing anger and sorrow is cathartic but to have it build up silently inside and letting it sink beneath the waves each time is painful.

#dick grayson #nightwing #bruce wayne #batman #eldest daughter syndrome #anon I can't begin to tell you how much I understand #it's exhausting #cl anon asks #thanks for the ask!#anon you inspired me to make a post about this that I'll upload later

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simlit · 7 months

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Chosen of the Sun | | forest // seventy-four

| @sani-sims | @maladi777

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EVE: Your Grace! KYRIE: Mm, I thought we were on a first name basis. EVE: laughs What a terrible time to joke. KYRIE: I think it’s the best time. What happened? EVE: You collapsed. I’d thought the curse had overcome you. KYRIE: No, at least, not yet. It was my fault, getting all worked up over… Indryr warned me it’d get worse before it got better. EVE: An admission like Taiyo’s would be hard for anyone to hear. Even without what you’d done for him figuring into the equation. He’s only just left now, I can go and fetch him— KYRIE: Don’t trouble yourself. If he wants to come in his own time, that’s for him to decide. EVE: I would rather you rest comfortably, but I feel it’d be wrong for me not tell you— HIGH PRIESTESS: Kyrie. KYRIE: Well, if it isn’t the other shoe. HIGH PRIESTESS: You told me you’d alert me as soon as he was conscious. That was our arrangement. EVE: He’s only just awoke. At least give him a moment to think, if not breathe. HIGH PRIESTESS: Yes, well, he is awake now. You’re free to leave. EVE: I’d rather stay to make certain he’s well— HIGH PRIESTESS: I can make certain myself, or will you not allow me a moment with my son? KYRIE: laughs Oh, stars above. The gods are full of jokes these days. If I’m alive at all, it’s because of Eve’s consideration and skill. You could do her the honor of showing at least a modicum of respect. HIGH PRIESTESS: I am endlessly grateful for your contributions, My Lady. Now, please. A moment. EVE: scoffs Very well. KYRIE: Is this the sort of behavior you would show to one of your precious Chosen? It’s incredible you can’t even fake civility in the face of this ceremony you profess to care so much about. HIGH PRIESTESS: Don’t patronize me, Kyrie. While you lay here like some negligent child. You asked me to trust you once again, and here we are. The sheer scope of your irresponsibility is truly astounding. KYRIE: Why should I have to live long enough to hear you lecture me a thousandth time? If I had one wish at all its that this curse would kill me quicker. HIGH PRIESTESS: Do not speak so recklessly. KYRIE: I’ll speak as I wish, if only because my voice is the one part of me you can’t control. HIGH PRIESTESS: And what will your sister say when she returns? KYRIE: Don’t threaten me with my own sister! For all you know, Alphanei is dead. And maybe you do know it, Gods be certain you’d never tell me the truth. There must be a reason she’s beyond my sight. And maybe I’m glad of it. If the last month has taught me anything, it’s that being Chosen of the Moon is nothing but a prison. If this is how you treated her all these years and I stood idly by, oblivious to what she endured, then I wish you would have neither of us. HIGH PRIESTESS: Your sickness has made you delusional. You’ve grown up inside these very walls. Tell me what have you wanted for? Nothing. I have done everything in my power to protect you both. To keep you safe— even from yourselves. But you have always been the troublesome one. Ever since you were a child. Caught in your own head, selfish and stubborn. HIGH PRIESTESS: Do you know how many mages I have sent north? How many elven knights have traveled out to retrieve Her Grace? Do you know how many have died in that pursuit? No, Kyrie. I spared you those details so you did not have to live with guilt of just how important you really are. KYRIE: As tools. But not as people. Regardless, now that too is on my conscience. We never asked for this role. We never had that choice. And because of this city’s insistence on a corrupt ritual, hundreds have been subjected to needless slaughter. If I could end it all by forfeit of my life, I would not wait a moment longer. HIGH PRIESTESS: Always a fool. I’ll send for the King’s clerics. And after you are cured of this, we will a find more suitable way to proceed. ASTER: Your Grace, heard you were awa— Oh. Am I interrupting something? KYRIE: Not at all. Mother was just leaving. HIGH PRIESTESS: Hmph.

#ts4 #ts4 screenshots #ts4 story #ts4 bachelor challenge #chosen of the sun #oc: kyrie loren #cc: aster songleaf #cc: eve ravenclaw-silvermoon

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xerith-42 · 4 months

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Stop blaming characters for bad writers

Seriously, stop fucking doing this. While this is a post that could certainly be applicable to MANY fandoms, I'm mainly directing this whole rant at my target audience which is mentally ill minecraft obsessed freaks.

If a character is written badly, gets badly fumbled by the creator, or has the ball dropped in regards to their arc in some way, a lot of people will blame the character, as if they're a real conscious person making these decisions. When they aren't. They're a block man literally being controlled by two people who just aren't very good writers and one or both of them are incredibly sexist, kind of racist, ableist, and just bad writers in general.

Yeah, Laurance does some pretty shitty things through out Season 2 of MCD, actively crossing lines he wouldn't have previously crossed. We as fans can cope by saying something something calling, or just saying Laurance is a bad abusive person, but the reality is that the writers wanted to force the series to fit a specific vision and as a result were willing to do anything to get the series to that point. In order to make Aaron the most favorable suitor for Aphmau, her previous suitors need to be out of the picture, or clearly inferior options.

Garroth suffered the out of the picture, being mostly absent outside of a few cutscenes here and there until episode 81 of season 2, but episode 81 is the culmination of the writers goals to make Aarmau happen. By the time Garroth has returned to the series, the damage has already been done. He's not getting the life he wants. And Laurance is written out of the picture as well, but only after being shown to be inferior because Jesson were pushing an agenda.

Laurance didn't deteriorate as a person due to neglect of his physical and mental well being after a severely traumatic experience. He deteriorated as a character because the writers stopped giving as much of a shit about him and instead were using the series as self indulgent fanfiction of alternate versions of themselves. That's not Laurance's fault.

And this applies to any character who was completely fumbled in MyStreet due to this similar focus on wish fulfillment from the writers. Jess has stated that the relationship between Aphmau and Aaron in Phoenix Drop High is reflective of her relationship with Jason, we all know this. This means that any characters who come off as total fucking creeps in that series (namely Gene), are not actually acting on the whims of their own autonomy or desires as characters. They are acting in service of telling a predetermined story that they are retroactively being added into for author fulfillment.

In this regard I fully support fandom cope and say that you should rewrite your little guys to your hearts content. But if you're going to criticize these characters for their actions, don't criticize them. They didn't do anything wrong. All characters are just puppets in service of the story or themes a writer is trying to push. If a character acts in an objectively terrible way, especially a way that isn't in line with their previous characterizations, that is a failing of the writers, not the character.

And I feel like largely a lot of us can and frequently do this. We're actively criticizing Jesson for being terrible low-key bigoted writers all the god damn time, it's like half of the content here. But when we get into character discourse I feel like some people cling onto bad actions of the canon too closely and I've seen more than a few posts presume some pretty terrible interpretations of characters based on these actions. Obviously Laurance is a character I and a lot of others are fixated on so a lot of discourse revolves around him, and it was seeing some... interesting takes on him that prompted me to start writing this post.

But this happens to everyone. Quite personally based on the character I was shown in MyStreet, it feels really weird that Garroth would make an insensitive comment about his brother's weight. Yeah siblings poke fun at each other and often cross lines, but if that was something Zane was seriously insecure about (which it seems like he might be) then it does make Garroth come off as a really insensitive brother, which just doesn't gel with how hard he tries to bond with Zane despite their tense relationship. And I don't think Garroth should be criticized for making those comments.

Whoever wrote those lines (Jess and/or Jason) should be criticized for writing a scene where a character is mocked by their older sibling over a physical insecurity even if said sibling would not normally do that. It's not Travis' fault that Jesson never decided to give him more of a character beyond "funny pervy guy" that's not funny in every anime they've watched until Season 5 of MyStreet. It's unfair to try and say Travis should be scrutinized for his borderline sexual harassment of some characters when it's not his fault that happened, he was written by writers who don't think this sort of behavior isn't all that bad if they make it out for comedy and punch him in the face.

And god dammit it's not Laurance's fault that his jealousy became the most prevalent emotion he felt. Laurance has always been a character to give into his vices and yet fight against them at the same time, it's what makes him compelling. If they were going to pull on those vices in order to make him a less appealing love interest, he never had a chance to really be his own character after a certain point. Because at a certain point in Season 2, Jesson stopped caring about the character they had been writing for over a hundred episodes at that point. They just wanted to canonize their self insert ship and were willing to do anything to get it.

Laurance isn't an abusive angry person who would have killed Aphmau if they got together. He's a flawed character being handled by incredibly flawed writers who are prone to making some of the worst decisions you have ever seen a creator make in regards to their character writing. He was caught in the crossfire of the adoration he received from a very dedicated fanbase, and the creator who would rather pretend he and his previous arc didn't exist for the sake of her fun. It's not Laurance's fault his arc was stilted, jerked around, and ultimately ended with him completely face planting. And yet still reliably dragging his bloodied body up at just the slightest glimmer of hope (Void Paradox).

It's deeply poetic and tragic that I can describe his character in universe and in the meta-textual sense that way, but we should never blame Laurance, or Aaron, or any other characters for things being like this.

They didn't write the show. Jess and Jason did.

#minecraft diaries #text post #aphblr #aphverse #laurance zvahl #garroth ro'meave #minecraft diaries laurance #mystreet #mystreet garroth #mystreet travis #bad writing #fandom discourse #fandom discussion #character discussion #character discourse

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tiffany-loves-broadway · 22 days

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Someone on Reddit asked me what my major problems with Ward were. I figured I might as well port the comment over here; it's been a while since I've written a substantial Ward Bad post. Recommendation: don't read Ward.

---

It would probably be quicker to list things I didn't have problems with. I spent most of the story giving it the benefit of the doubt because I liked Worm enough that I assumed it was leading up to something good that would justify the buildup. As the story continued that became less and less likely, and as it wound down to a close I realized after nearly two million words that it wasn't going to happen. I would probably have wound up sour about it even if the final arc had been individually decent instead of the worst thing I've ever read from Wildbow.

The characters are good. Not better than Worm's like many say, but good. Wildbow's still pretty good at creating character backstories, whether they're major or minor.

The plot is bad. This includes the character arcs, which are bad. I think about this when people say that it's a better character piece than Worm.

The setting is bad. Worm's world feels like a living place; Wildbow spent many years conceiving of it. Ward's world feels improvised by someone who really doesn't want to be doing a Worm sequel.

The themes are bad. Worm handles its themes with great artistry and nuance; Ward handles them dumbly with a sledgehammer. Its message is bad; Worm had an unreliable narrator who was frequently corrupt and made dubious ethical decisions, while Ward has a hyperreliable narrator who Wildbow is terrified to allow to be wrong, which is especially a problem because she is often meaningfully in the wrong.

The callbacks to Worm are bad. Unfortunately, one of them is the protagonist (bad). The return of the Undersiders to central character status is particularly terrible. It's commonly said that Ward isn't a sequel to Worm, because it's a new story with new characters. In that sense, I didn't want a sequel to Worm, I wanted exactly the thing people say Ward is, a new story with new characters. I just wish that the ties it did have to Worm felt less like contrived trade-ins on fan nostalgia. I really could have done with less of them period.

The writing process was bad, and Wildbow has acknowledged this. The story constantly insecurely shifted to the whims of the crowd, contorting itself in a clumsy attempt to respond to misguided feedback or settle dumb fandom arguments. If you could go back in time and convince Wildbow to sever contact with his entire fandom while writing Ward, it would almost certainly have turned out better one way or another.

The individual plot arcs' endings were bad. Wildbow basically never really knew how to transition from one arc to the next; he frequently cut an arc short because the loudest fans were getting bored of it, and it fucking showed.

The final arc of the story was terrible. Artistically terrible and even ethically terrible. A culmination of every single other problem listed here. It is hard to convey how terrible it is without spoiling it. It felt like something you'd see in a documentary about a Heaven's Gate style cult as one of their pieces of rambling religious material distributed to members. And Wildbow apparently had no fucking idea what he was doing; asleep at the wheel on the freeway, suddenly swerving at the last moment away from death and into standard Ward-style triteness. It isn't surprising that he considers the end of Ward the low point of his career, or that it made him consider quitting writing. It showed.

All around, it was bad.

#parahumans #wormblr

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aonungswifeyy · 10 months

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Do It If You Dare

so yeah, since some people have asked, i’ve decided that i will, make a story of this🤭 because i’m bored and well, why tf not.

warnings: angst, smut, mention of b!ood.

neteyam x fem reader x lo’ak

all aged up! (n - 20 fr - 19 l - 19)

✧ ˚ 　· 　　 .

why can i picture her being quaritch’s daughter, who tries to kill lo’ak but she gets captured by neteyam and by the end of it all, quaritch finds out she now belongs to both lo’ak and neteyam😭🤭

✧ ˚ 　· 　　 .

chapter one

✧ ˚ 　· 　　 .

“Y/N, you understand how this works, right?” My father asks, after explaining the rules to me for the hundredth time.

“Yes father, I understand” I reply, as I’m sat in my link unit, ready to transform into my Avatar.

“Colonel, it’s time to go” Lyle, my father’s second-hand man. Who also works for the RDA.

It was no doubt, he mooched off my fathers ass, for reasons I could not comprehend. My father had nothing special about him.

But it has nothing to do with me.

Right now, I have one job to complete, which I have been training for, for the past seven months.

Revenge.

I lay down in my Link Unit, my father stood beside be as I was getting belted up by some of the science guys.

“You got this kid. I believe in you” he tells me.

I give him a nod back, before looking straight, ready to start my journey, as an Avatar, in the world of Pandora.

My revenge? It includes my mother, and what the Na’vi people had done to her.

I was barely of age to remember, but my father told me about her as I grew up.

She was a scientist. Studying here, alongside a friend of hers; Grace.

They had been studying Pandora for many years, looking into the depths, below and beyond.

However, one day, things got turned upside down.

My father told me, that the night my mother had died, she had died alongside her friend, Grace.

The two of them being caught up in some feud, between the Na’vi and humans.

His exact telling was that there was a female Na’vi, who goes by the name of Neytiri. And her Husband, who goes by the name Toruk Makto.

They were the reason for my mothers death, even when my mother did no wrong.

So now, I must do what is right, and fight back, alongside the rest of the RDA.

My mother may have been soft.

A delicate, scientist. However, I was bought up by my father.

And thank god, I was my father’s daughter.

✧ ˚ 　· 　　 .

I walk into the woods, as quiet as I possibly can.

My father trusted me, that I can do this on my own. And I don’t plan to let him down.

Which is why, I have chosen to take my own route, away from the others.

They might be a lot older than me, but I am a lot better. I trained hard, with my hands.

Most of them use guns, and machines.

But let’s be realistic, fighting a Na’vi, it takes more than guns and machines.

I continue to walk through the path, and for the love of god, my boots were not doing me justice in staying quiet.

The way they make a squelching sound, touching the wet mud. I honestly just wish to take my shoes off, at this point.

I hadn’t realised, but my fingers had decided to make their own way around the forest, as they brushed against the very many plants besides me.

The rain was heavy, and it was quite dark. But even then, everything seemed beautiful.

A lot more beautiful.

“Keep up!”

I hear a males voice, when my ears suddenly perk up.

I’m not sure why they do that, but it is a weird, Na’vi thing.

“Where is Lo’ak? We have duties to attend to, what is that Skxawng playing at!”

His voice comes with an accent. So it is definitely not one of ours.

I run towards a bush, hiding behind, my eyes peaking through the cracks.

Two, tall figures. One male and one female.

His waist is slim. I’m not sure why it was the first thing I notice, but, it was. That, and the fact that his skin was glowing.

His eyes were bright yellow, the light in the sky reflecting in his pupils, as he stood in front of the female.

His arms crossed, and his lips pressed together.

His facial expression clearly showed he was feeling agitated.

Annoyed.

“Dad will skin us. Not just me, you too Kiri!” The male speaks.

“Neteyam, relax. We will find him!” The female shouted back.

The two then had gone back and fourth.

“When I find him, I’m going to kill him!”

“Please, Neteyam. Stay calm.”

“Calm? This fucker had run off after a disagreement, and now I have to pick up the pieces! To look after this shit, before mother and father get back!”

“And we will find him. He will most likely be at the old shack. Now please, stop shouting! For the love of Eywa, you are hurting my head.”

I have learnt, of Eywa.

My father had taught me. The same way we have a god, they have Eywa. She was like a god of nature.

“Neteyam, are you seeing this?” Kiri then points down at the ground, behind him.

I noticed her hands. She has four fingers. Like me..

How is that possible? All Na’vi people have three fingers?

“They’re too big for humans” Neteyam noticed my foot prints.

He bends down in front of it, the palm of his hands touching the ground as he observes my foot print.

I’m praying to god- or Eywa, in this case, that I am not found.

“Avatar?” Kiri asks.

“They look like it. But no Avatar’s have been around here” Neteyam replies.

“We must tell father about this” Kiri whispers.

“And we will. But first, we must find Lo’ak” Neteyam replies. His voice now sounding concerned, compared to a couple of minutes ago, when he was shouting.

✧ ˚ 　· 　　 .

chapter two

#lo’ak #lo’ak x reader #lo’ak imagine #lo’ak angst #lo’ak smut #lo’ak x you #loak x oc #neteyam #neteyam x reader #neteyam imagine #neteyam angst #neteyam smut #neteyam x you #neteyam x oc

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livefastdriveyoung · 30 days

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Recap of the Adrian Newey Rumors:

Approximately two weeks after the Horner scandal broke, rumors that Newey was not happy with the investigation and behavior internally broke. At the time, many speculated that he would finish out his contract, and then potentially go wherever Max goes.

Four Weeks ago, Aston Martin was rumored to have put 100 million dollars over four years on the table in an attempt to poach him.

Somewhere around the same time, Newey was seen landing in Italy, relatively close to Maranello. At the time it was waived away as him racing some cars, which he did, but there's this concept you see a lot in politics, where a candidate isn't "campaigning" they're in the area for a trip and happen to stop off to give a speech to unions or farmers. Newey very well could have done the same.

Two weeks ago, it was rumored for the first time that Newey's discontent was two-fold, the first being Horner, the second being that he was being pushed to focus on 2025, not just 2026, and that was significantly impairing him.

This morning, (25/4 - 4/25) it breaks in the German Auto Motor Und Sport, which is the German syndicate that has had a bead on all thing Red Bull for years, that Adrian Newey has officially declared his intention to leave. Ideally it would be at the end of 2024, before his contract is technically up.

Several news platforms cite to this article with the term "report" so as not to have to backtrack if wrong.

Then, two hours ago, BBC Sport drops their article, the first to be an official claim. They claim to have verified with "independent high level sources close to Red Bull and Newey."

This immediately gets traction from sports reporters like Adam Stern and others. Which likely pushes Motorsport, who has never liked to post anything without a source, to finally publish.

An hour ago, Motorsport published the following "The news of Newey's impending departure was first reported by German outlet Auto Motor und Sport and has since been confirmed to Motorsport.com by sources with knowledge of the situation."

Fine. Game on. Motorsport doesn't indicate how high up these people are, but whoever these sources are, they're either the same as the BBC, or this really truly out there.

Then within seconds, Autosport is launching the same statement, "The news of Newey's impending departure was first reported by German outlet Auto Motor und Sport and since been confirmed to Autosport by sources with knowledge of the situation."

This is because it is the same authors, as a reminder these days a lot of sports editors especially, freelance.

Ok so he's going right?

Well, approximately 15 minutes ago, Planet F1 states that a Red Bull spokesperson tells them that "Adrian is contracted until at least the end of 2025. We are unaware of him joining any other team."

But then again, this was the same thing that went down with Lewis when he moved to Ferrari.

So here are my thoughts:

I don't know if Adrian is leaving, but the threat of him going is probably enough to send Red Bull upper management into a panic. Stock holders love Max, but they know that Adrian is the brains behind the car. If he goes somewhere else, they're not going to be as competitive. So likely someone from his camp is leaking that he's got the contract, and very likely, he's going to go unless they can give him what he wants.

Whether or not that is time to work on 2026 or to get rid of Horner, I don't know.

If he does go, there is gardening leave. He won't be at any team in 2025 probably. But if he can design the 2026, and he can do it the way he wants, that might be enticing enough to take a year off.

If he isn't leaving, then someone in Red Bull is going on a mole hunt. And I wish them luck because the BBC and Motorsport aren't giving up their sources, so you better have known exactly who you told this to.

Game on.

#f1 #adrian newey #red bull racing #red bull f1 #max verstappen #ferrari #aston martin

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dropthedemiurge · 5 months

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Got prompted by @pinkkop but also partially this might end up as the controversial Thai BL post because the range of characters I'd defend with the passion is very wide for me:D

8 BL BOYS I WILL THROW HANDS FOR

Uea (Bed Friend)

This show isn't jokingly called 'A Tale of 1000 Traumas' for no reason, I mean – there is only so much one young adult can go through, and Uea has been through... well, almost everything. Tagging hurt/comfort fics on AO3 will result into red triggers all around. What fascinates me in this character is his resilience, too. He managed to go through everything with the sheer will power and knowing his own worth, what he deserves and what he does not. I am so glad the show made an active choice to send him to therapy and give him a considerate and loving boyfriend! He really needs both.

Sky (Love in the Air)

Again, no surprise that everyone would want to protect Sky. The acting was also chef's kiss in this show, I know I shouldn't be but I absolutely enjoyed seeing Sky getting triggered and sent to the red-lit room in his mind because this was pure cinematography, but irl I would just hug Sky with consent and never let him go. And kick Gun until he never rises up again too. I think Rain should've been given full freedom to avenge for his best friend. But this is also why I'm writing all these skyrain fics – because they are safe space for each other and I want to keep seeing it.

Rain (Love in the Air)

Ehem, like I said– the show has not declared it loudly but he's one of the most ADHD characters in Thai BLs if I ever saw one. He does not deserve to be mocked for his struggles and airheadness. I wish we saw more of him playing into his strengths beside taming a dom, instead of being infantilized by the show sometimes. Don't ask me to dive into full analysis though, I only could watch the PayuRain half of the show once so I'm going off vibes I remember, but I absolutely adore Rain and love reading fics that focus on his ADHD headcanon and how others understand and help him. And also those platonic BDSM tendencies he has with his best friend Sky.

Kawi (Be My Favorite)

For this guy, I would not fight the show or narration because they treated both characters and viewers with care, gentleness, wise teaching and love (Max is a harsh brat but that's his personality). I would actually fight the fandom: from people who hate-watched this show and refused to acknowledge it was amazingly done further than 'i might've liked it but ew screw this actor and novel the show was inspired by amiright don't judge me for liking it jk lol' to some individuals who missed the beautifully developed and portrayed close bond (aspec on at that, I'll stay firm) that spread across >10 years and different timelines and reduced Kawi to immature whiny weirdo who's scared to fuck Pisaeng ten times a day instead of one, idk. This show is a gem with many life-lessons and Kawi has one of the strongest and fascinating character development in Thai BLs that I've seen. Hands are being thrown.

Boston (Only Friends)

The creators of the show said the series didn't have any intentional message, but considering how many long discussions and poured out frustrations we had with some people, Only Friends definitely did Boston wrong. So what if he's a proud slut, should the show punish him for it while praising 'righteous' characters high on their horses? I don't think so. My guy was constantly filmed illegally and threatened by his hookups and friends, he's very hesitant about falling in love but he tried his best with clearly spoken offers, poly views and limits. I also see Boston kinda neurodivergent and/or demiromantic based on many lines he said about himself and his own view of people and relationships in the series. Nick might not be fully compatible with him, and I would throw hands for both of them, but if those two would communicate better, there would be no need for the OOC "twist" at the end. Their story could be beautiful, sad and realistic, instead Boston being kicked down in the street dirt by everyone after opening up about his heart and fears made me angry.

Akk (The Eclipse)

These descriptions just keep getting longer and longer? Oops... I don't think I need to explain the desire to protect Akk – this guy has not stopped crying since a mischievous and passionate newbie managed to break through his 100m thick wall of composure, pokerface and sheer will to survive. And also through all the manipulation Akk faced from the people he looked up to. Akk and everything that he went through managed to rip my heart out, and I'm not kidding. If you're repressed, oppressed and/or struggling with money, desire to make your parents proud and can't help but feel 'disapproved' feelings for someone – meet Akk, he's very relatable. I'd protect him and you too.

Thua (The Eclipse)

*clears throat* I did say this post would get controversial. I can and I will consider 90% of the people who hate Thua as lacking media literacy :D But without getting into useless fandom discussions, Thua is a poor teenager that needs love and support to be able to find himself and his own voice. He's stressed out by a harsh step-father, constantly facing homophobia and mocking in school, has suicidal intentions and the only good friend who opposed homophobic students and teachers, who showed him safe space and helped reach out to his mother, encouraged him to speak out loudly... went behind everyone's back, started dating the main "bully" of the school who threatened every queer for months and decided to support him while silencing students' and Thua's voices. At least that's what Thua experienced from his POV. Would you throw hands? Thua did, and while I may not agree with how he handled the situation, I can't hate him. He finally stood up for himself and his own, tried to change the system, and I'd fight Suppalo school for him too.

Black (Not Me)

There's someone who doesn't need my protection at all! A second before turning into bloody merciless activist-fighter who doesn't shy away from murdering capitalists and cops, I would still want Black not to think he's better off alone. While antagonistic sexually-tense exchange of comas with his ex-best friend can count as one of the most delicious type of romance that happened in subtext not text, he still deserved to seek solace in his ex-girlfriend and (ex? they were so close, why Gram does not care about him at all when he returns? we'll never know) other activist friend's company. Also, fighting with his life to change something in how the country works and hearing 'nah, your twin is better, he knows how to fight with social media so we achieved more with him than with you' from his mentor and Black deciding that he should again ditch everyone he cares about...noo:( I need spin-off about him where he gets everything he really deserves.

#I think I could've picked up 2 more but I can't think of anyone else right now #writing these 8 has already filled me with fire xD #thai series #thai bl #gmmtv #let's say pat and pran are the 2 left and i won't need to explain anything #dropthemeta

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lightning-and-sparks · 1 month

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So for the dancers power levels, does that come into play later with an intra-group conflict or with them and an outside force? I really loved the scene where Brezziana, Sara, and Mihaly talked about Jack’s power because of how it brought out their different sides and started that thread of a conflict between them and power. Is the order of it Wander>Mihaly>Brezziana>Sara>Jack? Is that something that subconsciously rules the governs the group? You’ve done such an amazing job of fleshing everyone out and making them seem like friends, but ones who may have their bonds fracture under the situation. Also just wanted to say you did such an incredible job on all of Thorns, between its length and subplot management, well written and meaningful OCs, and worldbuilding, but my favorite part is how you’ve handled the Dancers as a whole, especially from Jack’s perspective!

Oh, now this is a good one! So early on, it already was a very different idea to give Jack some kind of power. I think when I first saw the Locked Out of Heaven map my first thought was that it was him holding up the mirrors and when they changed to show Night Swan it was his own mental struggle taking over. On terms of power dynamics, you nailed it. I knew I wanted to have Jack and Wander on opposite ends of the spectrum. As prideful as Jack and NS were/are, Jack’s low ability for magic (after being a descendant of Night Swan) is seen as embarrassing and is something that upsets him.

The whole story has been about him being undermined and overwhelmed by the people close to him. When he hears them discussing how he isn’t strong enough to defeat them and he’s basically at their mercy it reveals the dynamic of him being below them more clearly. Jack’s hesitance to pursue Wander subconsciously comes back to that. He knows if things go wrong between them, it will be him cut off from the group, if you go back to that hierarchy you mentioned before, Wander is the only thing keeping them intertwined because he can bridge the gap between planets.

I think what makes Thorns convincing is how messy and flawed characters and situations seem. No one there is perfect and are prone to failure. Unconsciously, although they detest that fact, they have some fear of Jack. Compared to Wander who stayed for a period of time afterwards (events of majesty) he no longer has that weary. His race does come back into play because it’s an Eternyx centered story. Eternians are not common outside their domain so that adds to his suspicion.

It was challenging to balance so many characters at once but I think I did okay. It gave me a lot of eyes and ears to work with so it was helpful. I thought having parts where they’re scattered or paired off worked well to show their personal connections. Jack is seen with them all one-on-one at some point. I held off on Brezz and his encounter because I had cold feet on how the reaction to Brezz’s friendship came about. She’s a very selfless character so I wanted to see her take something for herself just for it to come back to her actual carrying, if that makes sense?

I think as a group it’s difficult to take very individual characters and have them work effectively together. I don’t think all of them would have done some of the things Jack had done (that’s why he chooses to leave them out of certain events) he’s also struggling to regain himself and wants his image to come out unscathed. He doesn’t tell them about certain encounters with Roland in order to protect his pride and hide his shame. Although he doesn’t act like it, he cares a whole lot what they think of him. I mean, he’s always held under high scrutiny so he sees friendship as the same concept.

Thank you so much! I really wish I could explain all the thought and trial and failure that went into Thorns. It took a lot of energy and time to hold each strand of a story together and expand and fill plot holes to fix narrative problems in the beginning. There are a lot of gags and stupid shit that I put in there, namely Brezz’s Crocs because I thought it was funny and I rep an obnoxious pair of yellow Crocs that I get some awesome hate over 💪 these questions are awesome and I’d love to field more! I have a whole lot to say.

#just dance #just dance 2023 #There are Thorns on the Roses they Throw #jack rose just dance #fanfic #wanderlust #jd sara #just dance 2024 #jd brezziana #jd mihaly #asks #i loved this question ahhhh

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