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brailsthesmolgurl · 8 days

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1 YOU, 1 ME

This is a one-shot request by one of the lovely readers of mine, enjoy this one :) Although I must say, this brings me back to the days when I used to be suicidal, so the experiences of mine are translated into the form of reader's POV so that you would get to take a trip of what I had dealt with as well. Just as my other one-shot Delirious, I do not take mental health as to be a joke. I am here for you if you needed someone to talk to, just like how I know you would be supportive of my works. I would do my best to cater to you as well because YOU MATTER <3.

Warnings: Deals with HEAVY Topics, Depression Mentions, Heavy Angst but yes to fluff. Please please please refrain if you are easily influenced by such topics.

XAVIER

When you had arrived at HQ today, Captain Jenna had approached you, handing you a file and informing you about the location of the wanderer as per usual. You studied the file, the wanderer looking like a saber-tooth, with fangs that could definitely pierced through skin like paper. "Good morning." You directed your head upwards and your partner stood by the side of your desk, a smile on his handsome features as he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Good morning Xavier." You handed the blue file to him and he took it, opening up the page and started reading through the details just like you did. "This should be a relatively easy mission. You ready for it?" He gently placed the file onto your desk and he waited for you to get up, before walking at the same pace as you to get to the basement parking.

Xavier is wearing his white suit today, the silverish-blue garters an accessory that also serves as a tool. You can tell that he had a good sleep last night given that his blazer was pressed and there is barely a crease on it. Regardless, crumpling of clothings would be normal anyways given the dynamic range of movements hunters have to do to kill a wanderer.

The mission had ended early just like every other time. Your pairing is known to be the best due to the compatibility of Xavier's light evol and your Resonance evol, hence it is an added advantage when it comes to dealing with wanderers. Him dealing damage to one of the wanderers and your evol resonates the same act of his, inflicting damage upon other wanderers without you touching them.

"Shall we go and get something to eat?" Xavier asked you, readjusting his garter and wiping off some of the dried crusts of a wanderer's bodily fluids off of his shoulders.

You flicked your hand, your weapon disappearing on call and you looked over to him. "It's alright. I am a little tired. I'm just gonna head home for the night." You turned and started heading towards the direction of your parked motorcycle, the moonlight only being your source of lighting.

"Wait, don't wander around alone." His warned, footsteps catching up to yours effortlessly. "You might get lost in this forest you know."

Your lack of comeback made him ran his palm across the back of his neck out of embarassment. If only you are still interested in his facial features, then you might just be able to catch sight of him blushing bashfully. "My bike's here. I'm gonna head off. Enjoy your meal." You did not give him any time to revert the same to you. You just hiked up onto your bike and rode off into the night.

The same situation happened for a couple more times, till he got used to it. You would appear for missions, complete it and then you would leave. Just like how he did last time when you first met him but now the tables have seemingly turned. He watched you as you tried to control your breath after the wanderer was defeated. This time it was a huge creature, with a large tail lined with huge spikes that could kill with one swipe and it took the both of you a bit more time than usual to defeat it.

"Hey, y/n, do you---" He walked closer to you, leaning down to get a better view of your hidden face. The long hair of yours a brunette curtain.

"No Xavier, I am fine." You assumed he was going to ask you out for dinner but you were quick to reject, not wanting to add on to anymore complications. "I just needed some time to myself."

"I was meaning to ask, if you are okay?" He stopped for a tad bit. "Is everything alright?"

Your nod was curt but his frown is becoming more prominent by every added minute. "I can tell something is wrong y/n."

"Perhaps I have not been getting enough sleep recently." You dismissed him, walking towards your bike with him following behind you in quickened footsteps. "But I can assure you I am fine."

"But, you barely come to HQ and you have been excusing yourself from dinner with me after missions. Your reason for the past few times have only been 'I am fine' and 'I am tired' which is what's concerning me." He came up to you, obstructing you from getting onto your motorbike.

"Xavier." Your voice lowered. "I just want to go home and rest." With your tone, the blondie gave up, sighing and stepping aside to let you get onto your bike and he watched as you revved your engine and darted off into the embrace of the darkness.

┊ ┊ ┊ ˚✧

The rings of your doorbell beckoned you to get up and off of your couch, the drama on your television turning into white noise in the back. Not that you were actually watching it anyways, the screen was on but your mind was floating elsewhere. This time however, you did not falter into your state of guilt, rendering you a chance to actually sit in still silence. You are admittedly taken aback at the sound of your doorbell ringing as you do not have any visitors checking in anytime soon including Tara. You took your time to get to the door, not even bothering to check the peephole and you swung open your door.

Here he is now, in front of your door, looking down at you from his towering height, with a casual outfit and a pizza box in his hands. Yes, he did pretended he was the pizza man just to get you to open up the door for him. Now he also knows that the peephole is just a decoration for your door.

The sight of you however, made his jaw dropped mentally. Your arm was littered in cut marks, in different shapes and depth, but the crusting of the scabs tells him that this had happened a couple of days ago. You nervously pulled your sleeves down to hide your scars, making intense eye contact with the ground. It did not hit you for you to cover your scars as to a stranger, they would care less of what happens behind your doors. But maybe much of a dismay towards Xavier. He occupied himself within your door frame and you staggered backwards.

"What's wrong?" He placed the pizza box onto the shelf next to him and he gently took your arm, pushing the sleeve up. Your hiss made him halted his actions, eyeing you for a further reaction before he spoke. "Why did you do this?"

"I..." You could not make up any words, tears gathering at the back of your eyes. The guilt flowing its way through your system instantly. It was like you lost all of your control and succumbed to your emotions. The emotions that you were so scared of showing to anyone. Especially to Xavier. With him being your partner, and your crush. You did not want him to report this to the team, and you certainly do not want him to think differently about you. "I...I was scared..." Your fist tightening. "I didn't want to lose anyone else like how I lost Tara."

Ever since that day you found out about Tara's death, you got lost. Blaming yourself was the only viable way for you to forgive yourself. She was stuck with some rookie to go and defeat a wanderer on the day you had called in sick. It was that specific mission with the inexperience rookie that got both her and the rookie killed.

Yes, it has nothing to do with you but it also has EVERYTHING to do with you. What if you did not report in sick that day? Maybe things would have had a better turn? And maybe, just maybe Tara would be able to pull through till you arrived on the scene? You remembered, the way she stared at you as she laid on the battlefield, blood oozing out of all of her orifices. Her eyes a window to her soul, opened but lifeless. As if she died hoping you could have arrived on time.

Xavier said nothing, his breaths slow and steady. Approaching you, the blond haired man pulled you in by your waist, his grip solid. You had sunken into the hole of self-blame, rotating around a death circle and at this point, Xavier could do nothing but to tell you that he is here for you, through his actions. "It's not your fault that she lost her life, y/n. Please don't blame it on yourself. I am sure Tara would not want you to do this to yourself either." He slowly lifted your arm up, analysing the wounds. They are skin deep but not deep enough to damage your skin permanently but he had to wash this and wrap this up quickly before it evolves into a nasty infection.

"I just couldn't stop myself Xavier. It hurts so much in my head that physical pain is the only way to relief it." You croaked with your dry throat. "I just felt so sad you know. Like it really hurts my heart. I don't know what is this feeling." After the first few hours of you losing Tara, you experienced nausea and headaches. Then comes the crying and the grief and then to the self-blame. You had read up about mental pain being able to manifest itself into physical pain but you were too ignorant of how severe this may be. So severe to the point that you had to result to self-harm to remind yourself of the pain you had to go through because of your carelessness. Leading you towards the bathroom, the boy was careful in his words and steps. "I believe this is what one would call grief. It hurts so much mentally that it hurts you physically as well. In this case, you have to hurt yourself to relieve the pain and I think it is time for you to meet a psychiatrist y/n." He sat you down onto the toilet seat and took out the medical kit from your cabinet. His words gave you the confirmation of what you had read about being factual. Kneeling down, he seeked for your confirmation with an alcohol pad in his hand.

When you nodded, he dabbed the pad across your arm and you bit onto your lips harshly to stop yourself from screaming out in agony. You do not deserve to scream as you had done this to yourself. His pause made you look at him. "You do not have to hold back. If it hurts, you can scream. If it hurts, you can cry. If it hurts still, you can talk to me." His eyes were sincere, the cerulean orbs a vast ocean, inviting you to be within his embrace as he opened up his arms to you.

And you fell, straight onto your knees and you grabbed onto his shirt, the blood crusts on your sleeve staining his shirt in the progress but the both of you could care less. You needed a good cry while he knows that you needed comfort. "It's alright y/n, I am here for you. I will always be here for you." His fingers ran through your hair, tucking some stray strands behind your ear, your body shook with every sob you took. "I just need you to know that regardless what happens, you can always tell me. I will never leave you alone, I can't bear to see you in this state because I love you." His sudden confession halted your cries for a moment, staring up at him with the ugliest look you got.

At this moment, you really wished that you could take any other days to hear his confession rather than hearing it from him when you are in such a vulnerable state. Seriously, who would want to get a confession when they are having a break down and they have tears and snot streaked on their face as part of their 'makeup'?

"You are saying this because you pity me, don't you?" You were ready to pull back, a slither of embarassment passed your expressions. "I do not need your pity."

"I do not pity you, y/n. In fact, I had always been admiring you for the things you do. You had uphold yourself well despite you are struggling so much. I really do like you and no matter what I will always be here for you." He reinstated his point and you grabbed hold onto his neck, crying even louder, strained voice echoed through your bathroom.

"I thought, I really thought I would have to deal with this all by myself. I can't, I never know that I am this weak." Your cries a reflection of your sadness and your relief, knowing that you can finally put your heart at rest, not having to deal with the grief all alone like how you always done it to yourself. Xavier placed his hand under your chin again and you looked up into his eyes of blue, with him leaning down and pressing a kiss to your lips. The death cycle shall come to an end.

ZAYNE

You tapped your feet onto the tiled floor impatiently. Clack, clack, clack. If anyone were to be within your vicinity now, your tapping against the floor would definitely be another added on frustration towards their state. Eyes darting everywhere, focusing on one thing to another. The door in front of you still remained tightly shut. The smell of antiseptic a constant fragrance within the hospital and you were about to get a headache.

You are up for your monthly routine check-up and meeting Zayne has always been nerve-wrecking, not because your heart is desperately trying to jump its way out of your chest and to give Zayne a hug, but it is also because you would like him to examine your brain as well. You figured something has been wrong with you mentally recently, after Tara's death to be exact. You get hot flashes at night, waking up at ungodly hours and sometimes, just sometimes, you would just want to lie in bed all day and not wanting to do anything, let alone eating.

You could not pinpoint exactly what was going wrong until the day you woke up from a nightmare, your chest tightened in a way you had never experienced before. Your breaths short and rushed, but no air was going into your lungs. Your throat had constricted airflow as well, choking you till your tears are being squeezed out of your eye sockets. It was until you had to scratch your arm till you bleed then you only regained consciousness, your breathing slowed, airways opening to welcome the fresh breaths of air that you were restrained from. You thought it was an allergy reaction for a moment but you were sure none of the allergies would get you to paw through your arm, breaking the skin barrier and seeing crimson red to replace the pain you had felt a while ago. Something is clearly wrong.

You had chose to wear a loose sweater today, not wanting to reveal your so-called battle scar to random strangers. Not wanting them to judge you for 'Im so emo, I hurt myself to be cool and I preach that battle scars are a sign for me fighting for my life in everyday society'. You can hear that in your own head, slowly succumbing into a state of blurred vision as you lowered your head, your vision darkening. "It's your turn." The familiar voice brought you out of your own reverie. Another shadow loomed over your hunched body, with straight shoulders and what seemed to be an outline of a long coat, you knew it was Zayne.

"Yeah." You stood up slowly and followed behind the cardiologist into his room. As usual, you took a seat next to his desk, the padded seat warm to your bum. A knob twisting, in suit with a locking sound, it marks the start for your checkup session. The room was filled with tension, as Zayne ran his stethoscope down your back, listening cautiously to your heartbeat as you took in deep breaths. The man's eyebrows were furrowed, eyes narrowed as if your heartbeat had an arrythmia. "What is it?" You asked, noticing that the listening session of his is unusually longer then usual.

"It seems like your heartbeat is slower. And there were slight staggers of arrhythmia on your right atrium. I should run some bloodtests and perhaps get an MRI scan on your heart as well." He retracted the stethoscope away from your back and walked to the front of you, fingers scooped your chin up and you looked at the man in front of you now. Standing tall, with broad shoulders that could be spotted underneath the bulky medical coat of his. He is in his blue scrubs today, perhaps a surgery aligned earlier on and he did not have much time to change out of it.

He took a small flashlight the shape of a pen out of his coat and he leaned down, a waft of his cologne hitting your nose. Minty fresh with a mix of antiseptic, that is what he smells like on the days he has a full schedule ahead. You peeled open you eyes wider and he flashed the light into your pupils, his hazel green orbs in an uncalled staring competition with you. "Pupils are functioning well as usual, but I do realise some redness at your whites. Have you been getting enough sleep?" A slight hint of him caring for your quality of sleep went away as fast as it arrived.

"I...Actually..." Your lips froze, words forming at the tip of your tongue but you could not roll out any of them. It was like your brain was subconsciously begging you not to tell Zayne, in order to not ruin his impressions of you being a healthy individual. He is a doctor, what harm would that cause if you were to tell him that you had been experiencing some mental issues these past few days? Perhaps he would just throw you some medical facts, ask you to drink more water and you should feel better in a day or two.

Then you recalled when your grandmother had passed, he did not show any bits of sympathy towards you other than passing on the box that was left behind by your late grandmother. He did not even ask if you were doing alright when you sat right here in his office, trying so hard to hold those choked sobs back. The thought of him not showing any sympathy towards you during the loss of your grandmother gave you the ultimate decision that you will not reveal anything to him. "I had been sleeping late these days because of paperwork."

The doctor sighed, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, the glasses sat comfortably at the bump he has on his nose. "If its so, try not to procrastinate in the afternoon and actually do your paperwork instead of rushing them all at once in the middle of the night." His sound advice not a bit helpful to your fib. "You wearing a long sleeved sweater in the middle of summer would cause you to get a heat stroke, which would directly affect your heart as well. So I would advice you to keep cool whenever you can." He sat down in his chair, picking up a pen and started scribbling away on the prescription tab. "As for now, take these medications for your arrhythmia. Once the MRI is scheduled I will get the nurse to contact you to come in for the scan."

┊ ┊ ┊ ˚✧

"Y/n." Tap tap tap. "Y/n wake up." An oddly familiar voice drowned your hearing, your body lifted off of the floor by a force. "Y/n. Please wake up." The smell of antiseptic filled your nose and your eyes slowly opened up, the blinding lights above made it hard for you to adjust to your surroundings. Your name was called out again and you turned your head a little, catching sight of Zayne, his eyes slightly widened. He was staring at you as if he had seen a ghost. You could barely remember what happened. Ringing in your heads made you winced and the man pulled you tighter within his arms. Your face now against his hard torso. "What happened?"

You blinked your eyes a couple more times and you looked down. Blood pooled on your wooden floors, the wax layered on top of it preventing the liquid from seeping through. Your arms were streaked in red, the evidence clear as daylight underneath your fingernails. It probably happened again, did it? "I...I don't know." You responded weakly, your lips equivalent to sandpaper. "I don't know what happened."

Zayne pushed you back a little and he held your arm up by your wrist, eyeing over all of the bloody and deep scratches to search for a sign of infection. Perhaps, a sign for why would you do this to yourself as well. Zayne decided to come by your abode when you had missed out on your MRI appointment, him knowing that you would not purposely miss out on any medical appointments and even if you have to, you would at least have the decency to make a call to inform.

That day when you left the room, he noticed your charm was lacking, your retorts were non-existent, and your face was ghoulish. You struggling to tell him a piece of your mind, only to retract back and say that you fell asleep late due to paper work caught the doctor off-guard as well. But he is not the type to intrude, to ask you questions that you would not want to answer.

He came by, searching under your potted plants for the key and it was slotted right beneath the jasmine pot that he had given you as a congratulatory present when you got accepted into Unicorn. His heart inexplicably felt warm at the thought of you still caring for the jasmine till this day. He twisted the key into the doorknob and it clicked open, slotting himself right into your doorway and he looked through your apartment. It looked neat, but the lights were not turned on. He heard a loud thud and his footsteps reacted to it, carrying him across your living room and towards your bedroom.

Another thud, this time louder, echoed through your room and he opened the door hastily, immediately catching sight of your body, laying on the floor, jolting as if you were shocked by an invisible electric current. You are having a seizure, in a pool of blood that he could only assume belonging to you. He took three long strides and he was shocked to his core. Your arms were littered with long and narrow open wounds, the culprit being your blood stained fingers. Your eyes were flipped to the back of your head, veins popped out of your neck as one of your hand latched itself onto your forearm and yo dug deeper into your wounds. "Y/n!" He shouted, unbuttoning his sleeves and pushing them up his forearm and he dived down onto his knees to heave you towards him, away from the wall.

He immediately started doing CPR, going according to the beat as he switched between pumping your chest and blowing air into your mouth. The effectivity of the CPR started kicking in when your convulsions started to calm down, your body going from tensing to limp and you laid unmoving on the floor. He leaned down to get a good hearing of your heart. It is beating in a normal rhythm, a good sign that you are still alive. The arrhythmia is gone now but the soon-to-be scars on your arms is the next thing he worries about.

He did not understand, none of the theories he had studied about one's physicality applied. The heart arrhythmia, the sight of you convulsing on the floor, the hearings of your choked breaths as he watched you, the skin deep lacerations inflicted upon yourself only with the use of your fingernails. None of the symptoms matched any of his medical theories. i am not a doctor, pls dont chew me on this :,)

Unless it has something to do out of his field, which is the mental aspect. Zayne being a doctor, although succeeded at a relatively young age, but his expertise has always been within the field of cardiology. Of course he has friends within the psychological field, but it never struck him that you would end up with a mental illness. You had always been fit as a fiddle in his eyes, both mentally and physically. But all it takes is for two accidents in a row to trigger the mental illness for you. If its so, why did you not tell him anything about it? Why did you keep it all to yourself? He knew he should have said something, he should have stayed by your side when he found out about Tara's death. It was too short of a timeframe for you to be dealing with two deaths within a few months' gap.

"It's alright, you will be okay. Everything will be alright." He only remembered during one of the mental illness campaigns he was asked to attend, they taught of ways to identify individuals experiencing mental illness and very little was talked about how can one deal with someone who is having an episode. The speaker said something about acceptance, comfort and validation. And that is to the extent of what Zayne knows.

"Y/n, I need you to take in deep breaths, I need you to calm down." He could not treat her just like any other patient in this damn moment. This vulnerability of hers is new territory for him, but it shows that she is not as strong as she portrays herself to be and this part of her provoked him to want to be there for her even more than before.

"I don't know...I don't know why I am like this." You trembled in his arms, your head spinning and you felt like you were about to taste bile anytime.

"And it is not your fault, y/n." His voice is calm, soothing to your ears. You could feel his hot breath against the shell of your ear and you looked up at him, the lights above him forming an angelic halo. "It shall never be your fault." He pressed a kiss to your forehead. "I am sorry that I was never there for you. From now on, let me be there for you." Other than the kiss on your forehead being a shock factor, the fact he wanted to be involved in your life and your 'journey-to-recovery' made your heart skipped an extra beat. "I promise you, from now on, I will always be by your side, only when you want me to."

You lifted your hand up to touch his cheeks, your palm cold to the touch on his warm face. You swore you saw him blushed for a mere second. "Of course I would want you to be by my side Zayne." And he gave you a comforting smile. The man then slowly inched down, eyes looking between your eyes and lips. When you tilt your head upwards, he took it as your consent and you both shared the first kiss.

RAFAYEL

"Do you want that?" Rafayel asked you, index finger pointed right at a banana boat plushie. Two 'flavours' to be picked from, one with the usual chocolate, vanilla and strawberry theme while the other has a caramel, vanilla and banana theme. You were about to pick for the latter but the man standing beside you was quicker in calling out shots. "I think the original one would fit you better. The colour theme just looks more harmonious than the other."

You watched as he picked up the dart and aimed it towards the target. He pulled his wrist back and with a flick, the dart landed onto the target's bullseye. The stall owner did not look a bit amused, probably thinking that he could scam Rafayel enough money for a meal. Walking over to the banana boat plushie, the guy took it down and handed it to Rafayel over the counter. "Thanks." You smiled, hugging the plushie when he gave it to you.

"Where is my hug?" Rafayel looked betrayed, the signature pout of his surfacing. "I was the one who scored you Mr.Babana here." Yes, he called it Babana. Smiling, you went over to him, arms opened wide and you hugged him, your head settling right into his chest. He smelled of grapefruit and white wood, with a splash of peach as the base. You thought he only used one perfume for all types of events as he has voiced his dislike for strong smelling scents but you were clearly wrong. Musky smelling ones for when he attends interviews, fresh smelling ones for when he attends events, and sweet smelling ones are only reserved for his outings with you.

His chin was propped right above the top of your head, and he smells fresh shampoo. You nagging him about how sakura composites are good for the hair recently is enough for him to know what shampoo you are currently using. To Rafayel, you are not that hard to decipher. In fact, you may be one of the most uncomplicated character he had ever met in his life. Your genuine emotions and expressions a direct reflection to your conscience and that is exactly why he likes you.

"Thank you for the Mr.Babana." You chuckled, pulling away from the hug but his arms remained on your shoulder, he would have opted to hold your waist but he wanted to make sure that you would not be uncomfortable in this situation.

"My pleasure of course." He mimicked your smile and this time, the both of you took a step back from each other and then walked down the path together. The cobblestones beneath your shoe reflecting the lights from the parade, painting them in all sorts of colours that offers more variety than a rainbow. "Y/n, I have to travel abroad tomorrow to attend one of my exhibitions. So, I was wondering once I am back from my business trip, would you like to go out with me again?"

Him informing you about the business trip made you hesitant to answer him. Not because you did not want to go out on a date with him again. You just did not want to be alone. Not when you had just lost a friend to a wanderer. All of the smiles you had presented today are genuine, but deep down, you were worried your remorse would eat you up and ruin the whole date for today. The last thing you want is for Rafayel to be on the receiving end for your breakdowns.

"I am waiting for a yes." You jolted at how close he is to your face, you could practically feel his breath against your skin. He smirked, taking a step back to give you some breathing space, hands tucked into the pockets of his black jeans. The young man today adorned a fitted black tshirt with a pair of jeans, pairing over it is a jean jacket. Simple outfit but definitely looks amazing on him.

"Y...yeah, of course we can Rafayel." You looked down, nervously trying to calm your hyped heartbeats. With that, the date between you two came to an end, with Rafayel fetching you home safely and making sure you got into your home before he drove off.

┊ ┊ ┊ ˚✧

Rafayel had left for his business trip for the past two days. And for the past two days, it can only be described as hellish for you. Jerking yourself off of your bed, you sat straight, eyes widened as cold sweat trickled down the back of your neck. Yet another nightmare, the same one every night. With the sight of Tara laying on the traylike bed in the morgue, awaiting for you to identify her. She was as pale as the walls surrounding her, her body laid rigid, and her eyes closed. It almost seemed like she was asleep but you knew right then and there, she would not be able to open her eyes anymore.

She had a wound the size of a bullet in between her eyebrows. They called it a fatality spot as anything that is sharp enough to penetrate that area and passing the skull would be guaranteed an instant death. Just like what Tara had gone through. The wound however, according to autopsy, was inflicted by something biological, so bullets are out of the question and the only answer you could think of is the act of a berserk wanderer. You kept trying to blink, assuming that if you blinked hard enough, Tara would be able to rise again and everything would be back to how it was like. But, that's not the case most of the time.

Instead of accepting her death, you chose to deny it. Ironic, your identification process of Tara in the morgue is validated but you yourself chose to not accept the reality of her death. You even refused to go to her funeral the day after tomorrow, claiming to yourself that it would only make you hate yourself more than anything else. You were not there when it happened as you were sent onto another mission, a much tougher one that involves civillians. So, Tara was assigned this mission, just to deal with a bunch of wanderers. Or so you heard, but her wound says otherwise. Whatever wanderer she had been dealing with is certainly way beyond what she could handle.

The date between you and Rafayel took place the day after her funeral so the wounds of your grief still remained fresh. With that stated analogy, the first few days of your denial marks the start of your wounds, freshly cut opened, breaking off the surface of the skin barrier but still not deep enough to leave a scar. Now you are in phase two, where blood starts seeping through the wound as it has broken through the skin barrier, cutting deeper. This is where the nightmares become more and more revolting, more and more realistic that you have a hard time differentiating between your trance and reality.

You buried your face into Mr.Babana and you cried like there is no tomorrow. You had to get it out somehow, and the best way you could think of is to cry yourself to sleep again and pray hard so that you would not have a continuation of the nauseating nightmare. When you opened your eyes again, you were met with the warmth of the sunlight peeking in through your window. Sunlight in general, is known to promote energy boosting for one's body but right now, it only did the opposite for you.

Your phone rang, drowning out the sounds of your ugly cries. Shimmying towards you bedside, you held up your phone and you saw the contact name 'Your Favourite Fishie'. You specifically recalled that you had saved his name under Rafayel, but when did it got changed? Maybe it was during that time when he was playing on your phone while his was charging and he seized the opportunity to change his name into something so ridiculous like this. You sniffled, trying to calm your breathing the best possible and you answered the call. "Hello." You croaked out. Shit.

"Hey, y/n. Did I happen to wake you up?" His voice came through the other side of the call. He sounded borderline concern.

"No, you didn't don't worry. I woke up to use the washroom." You spoke, if he were to be in front of you right now, he would be nagging you to speak up but thank goodness your phone has a good microphone to pick up your small volume. "How is your exhibition going?"

"Boooring." You can tell he was rolling his eyes to the back of his head. "That's why I am already on my way back. I will arrive in probably half an hour. So would you like to have dinner with me tonight?"

Contemplating, you knew that if you were to meet him in 30 minutes, your puffy face would lead to a telltale sign that you had just cried. Then, you assumed that Rafayel would be disappointed with you. You see, Rafayel had never been the type to submit towards pressure, instead, he is a notorious rebel towards it. It is like he has something personal against stress. With your current status, you immediately felt like you are not worthy to be spending your time with him. Let alone having to have a huge crush on him. What makes you think that he would like you back if he found out about your current state of distress? He would definitely not want to deal with such an issue.

"Actually, today I am not free. I have stuffs to do." You gnawed onto your lip.

Pouting, the purple haired man crossed his legs nonchalantly, sitting himself comfortably in his luxurious car as Thomas drove it. "Like what stuffs?"

You panicked, eyes watery and you sniffled. "I have to go to the doctors. I am having a flu and I don't want to infect you."

Rafayel heard that sniffle of yours and he immediately replied. "Oh, alright. Then you rest well okay? There will always be some other day that I can bring you out for a nice dinner so you owe me that alright?"

"Yeah okay." And the call ended with him saying 'bye and take care'. Hanging up the phone, your lips quivered, chills ran down your spine as you started hesitating about whether you should still stay in contact with Rafayel. You could not possibly land him to be your boyfriend, where did the confidence come from? "I am just not worth it." Your cries then came back.

The next hour went by and you were laying in your bed the whole time, no will to move, no appetite, no will to even meet anyone. You just wanted to succumb to your loneliness, the sound of the fan is the only voice you can hear. The only company you have for now. You had just calmed down from your break down, your eyes full on puffy now and you are experiencing after-cries hiccups. Your mind had a constant voice, reminding you of just how useless you are not only at your job, but also your incapability to keep your emotions in check. Feeling overwhelmed, you curled into a ball and just allow the tears to flow.

The door to your room creaked open but it did not faze you. You were too caught up with the voices in your head but Rafayel's voice made you covered your ears. You are delusional now, great. Until a hand touched your shoulder then you snapped your head towards the source, met with purplish-blue eyes that were filled with utmost concern for you. "Hey, hey what happened?" He climbed onto your bed and sat right in front of you, his large hands cupping your small face, his thumb drew over your cheeks, dismissing your tears. "Why are you crying y/n? Did someone hurt you?"

Your silence marks the end of his questioning and he pulled you into his chest. His solid torso cushioning your head as he laid down with you in his arms, on top of him. "Shh, it's alright." Rafayel held you close to him. "I know things have been tough for you."

"We should stop meeting." Your desolating suggestion made him pulled back in shock, his eyes scanning your face for any smiles or hints of it being a joke but he did not find any at all. "I like you Rafayel, and I think this is not healthy for you."

"Who are you? The moral police? Who are you to determine what is healthy or not for me?" His eyebrows are furrowed in frustration. "Even if you want to push me away, you can't because I am in love with you y/n. I am so madly in love with you that I kept thinking about you everyday, everything that I see reminds me of you, every artwork that I inspect at the exhibition only related to you. So, you can't push me away, no matter how hard you try."

"But, whatever I am experiencing now, it makes me think I am not worth---" His finger silenced you, pressing it against your lips to ask you to shut up politely.

"Do not speak for me y/n. As much as I like to hear your voice, I do not want to hear such unflattering ideas from your pretty head okay?" He ran his hand down the sides of your cheek, his gaze loving. "I want you to know that, I will never let you cry alone, ever again. Do not worry about me being stressed out or anything about you not being able to be in control of your emotions. I am sure I can handle anything when it comes to you, for I had waited a long time for someone like you y/n. Annnnd I will not let something as simple as you going through a period of depression push me away. So, why don't you do me a favour and tell me what is going on in that pretty head of yours?"

His confession surely warmed your heart, with you staring at him in disbelief. You know he had always been showing signs of him being interested in you, but you never thought you would be able to catch sight of him being empathetic towards you. Your sobs came again, this time much more stronger and you leaned into him, spending the day telling him about everything that you had went through and ended up sleeping next to him. Rafayel propped himself up on his elbow and he watched your features, puffy and reddish but you did not lack your beauty amidst all of the chaos you have to go through. He leaned down to press a kiss to your lips, a promise to you that he would stay with you forever.

This is the end of this one-shot and sorry my lovelies, this will not be getting an extra episode or anything. It shall only be ending here :,)

P.S: These are part and parcel of my actual experiences, hence I do not downplay or look down on anyone who are struggling with mental illness. As I know it is very tough to get over it. The part where Rafayel had spoken to reader, where he would be by his side blah blah, was actually what my boyfriend told me when I was having a terrible panic attack. So please my girlies, do not settle for the bare minimum and lower your standards for a guy/gurl who could not be better for you. Because you all deserve happiness oki.

#love and deepspace #love and deepspace x reader #rafayel love and deepspace #zayne love and deepspace #xavier love and deepspace #lnds #rafayel x reader #xavier x reader #zayne x reader

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brailsthesmolgurl · 16 days

Note

HI HI HI!!! I've been meaning to ask for a request, I've been holding a GRUDGE for WEEKS I swear!!😭

I was wondering if you could make a oneshot with the reader being suicidal? ft. the 3 boys! Similar to Delirious but the reader doesn't die at the end. I'm a sucker for angst so shhhhh /hj, a small dash of comfort wouldn't hurt too

LOVE YOUR WORK AND STAY SAFE!!!🫶🏻

Hi there my lovely Elysiel! Lovely name btw 🫶🏻

Your request shall be added into my books of ideas! I’m a sucker for angst too but when I write it, I’ll think of it hmmm whether to go full on angst or to have fluff 😉Thanks for requesting and I hope you will keep check of my works as well once your request is out ❤️❤️

Thank u so much yet again my love 🩷

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brailsthesmolgurl · 18 days

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IM SUCH A ZAYNE FAN AND THE WAY YOU WRITE HIM IS CHEF KISS💋💋

I did see this after reading your where is mommy/daddy fic and It immediately reminded me of you!!

https://x.com/taraffic/status/1777665161211281841?s=46&t=0ACmNT-b2mXv709E1YoaIw

Thank you so much my love ❤️🫶🏻

The link you had sent me warmed my heart because that was exactly what crossed my mind whenever I think of Rafayel having a child.

Fear not, the upcoming series will be a Zayne twist off just like my Rafayel series :) so I hope by then you would be able to continue support me throughout 🥹🫶🏻

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brailsthesmolgurl · 18 days

Text

WHERE'S MUMMY? PT.2

My first part has received an amazing amount of response, hence I decided that I would come out with a part two, and who knows? Maybe this could be another mini series for the boys? :)))) Regardless, enjoy the read!

Warnings: Comfort and Fluff, Slight Angst for some parts. Mentions of smexy times for one, suggestive for another. ANONS ARE POOPY SOMETIMES BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN I WILL STOP WRITING SUGGESTIVE HAHA :(

RAFAYEL & MARIELA

"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" Mariela's voice could be heard from the other room at the end of the hallway as she called out to her father. Rafayel, who was busy working on one of his art pieces, dashed towards her room at full speed, panicking at how she was calling out to him. He slammed the door open, claymore ready to be withdrawn only to find his daughter on the floor, with paint all over her face and the canvas that he had provided to her.

One may ask why did Rafayel left his daughter all alone in her room while he was working on his art piece. Rafayel, being a good father, had coaxed his daughter for 30 minutes, with candies and also anything she could possibly want, only to be rejected by her. Her adamant 'NO's made Rafayel confused as to why she would want to paint alone in her room. 'I can do this myself daddy' was the last sentence she told him before she closed the door. And he wondered where she got the attitude from, and he had a good guess probably inherited from her independent mother.

So Rafayel sat at the living room, in his usual thinking corner, painting his artwork, but also carefully listening to anything that might go on in the room. He did tried and checked up on her a couple of minutes ago, knocking on her door and asking if she would like any biscuits with milk but the young child only replied 'NO' as if that is the only word she knew for the morning.

"I thought something happened to you, my little fishie." Rafayel sighed in relief, walking over to her to look at what she had drawn. He took a seat next to her and looked at her face. "How did you managed to get paint on both the canvas and your face?" He pulled the little girl into his lap and he chuckled, using his thumb to try and rub the paint off of her face and luckily it came off pretty easily. He silently thanked your effort in purchasing non-toxic paints for Mariela.

"I wanted to do it like how daddy do it." Her smile was angelic, one of Rafayel's trademark. She reenacted how she did it, by drawing air circles on her palm and on her face. "I drew here, and here and..." She flattened her palms and plopped her face onto the surface of her palms. Rafayel was in shock at her creativity.

"So you used your hands and your face as tools to draw?" He tilted his head and when the toddler nodded giddily, Rafayel pinched her cherubic cheeks. "You are an artist just like me. No wonder you're my daughter." He kissed her cheeks and carried her up in his arms. "Now, let's get you washed up and then we will show this piece to mummy when she is back from work okay?"

"OKAY!" She cheered, both arms flying up into the air and Rafayel laughed, bringing her into the bathroom to wash her off from the mess she had brought upon herself.

The roars of your motorbike could be heard and that led Mariela to jump off of the couch, with Rafayel catching up behind her quickly. "Mummy's home!" Mariela was elated, trying to turn the door knob the best she could but with her size and strength, she is not able to. Rafayel came to the rescue on time and he opened the door, smiling when he spotted you getting off of your motorbike and unclasping the buckle of your helmet, swiftly removing the headgear and placing it on your motorbike's seat. "Mummy!"

"Hey there sweetie!" You called out and shuffled over, arms wide opened and your daughter embraced you within your arms. "How was your day today hmm?"

The latter question of yours was directed towards your husband, who was standing against the door frame, arms crossed in front of his torso while watching both of his favourite women walking towards him. "It was good because there is a surprise." He winked at you and you both shared a peck, before heading in. "Mariela, do you want to show mummy what you drawn today?"

"Yeah! Yeah!" The little girl wriggled out of your arms smoothly and she waddled off to her room. You took a seat on the marble floor and awaited for your daughter's return. Rafayel taking a seat right next to you and he encircled his arms around your waist, giving your side a soft knead. The soft sound of thuds closing in when your daughter came out from her room, with something behind her back. "Mummy close your eyes."

Your husband then got behind you and he used his palms to cover your eyes, nodding towards your daughter to proceed further. Mariela pulled the canvas out from behind her and she placed it in your lap, before taking your hand cautiously and put it on her canvas. Rafayel released his hold on your face and you looked down, gasping in surprise at what your daughter had managed to colour on her canvas. But, you can't make out any shapes or sizes, other than two hand prints of hers and what seems to be an imprint of your daughter's face.

"This is so nice of you sweetie." You pulled her in for a hug and kissed her head. "Did you do this with your hands and face?" You asked just to be sure and her reaction made you stared at Rafayel. The actual artist staring back at you, shrugging his shoulders and muttering something along the lines of 'she did not want me to see what she was doing, so I left her to her own creativity'.

"Abstract art is great!" Rafayel smiled, ruffling his daughter's brunette curls which had grown a bit longer. "Daddy can put this in the next exhibition and you can go with me to see it." Rafayel looked at his daughter and she cheered, hugging you tightly and you beckoned your husband in for a hug as well.

On the day of the exhibition, Rafayel was busy attending to the guests, completing his interviews and taking pictures with his fans. You are spending time with Mariela, hand holding hers as the both of you walked through the exhibition halls. Pink and blue and purple, all colours within the same spectrum covered the walls in forms of splatters, lace ribbons were tapered to the ceilings, to add on a touch of elegance. No doubt your husband has 'extravagance' as his middle name.

Almost every corner is littered with his artworks, ranging from abstract to rough sketches, to impressionism paintings to sculptures. Rafayel is a master to all types of artworks, which gained him the fame and respect he has gotten till now. The wooden flooring resonated the sound of your footsteps, heels clacked against it in sync. You looked down at your daughter to notice the little girl has her mouth agaped, staring at all of her father's artworks in awe. Same, Mariela, same.

"Is that the daughter he had mentioned about?" A distant voice could be heard echoing from the end of the hallway and you turned around, seeing a woman clad in a formal outfit, hair neatly tied back and a microphone in her hand. A camera man right behind of her with one of his huge video cameras situated on his shoulder. "Hi, can we do an interview?"

Out of politeness, you agreed, smiling and nodding your head and the reporter crew started to approach you and your daughter. You lowered yourself down to carry Mariela up into your arms so that she could be within the shot as well, assuming the reporter would like a word or two with the renowned artist's daughter.

"How would you describe living with Rafayel, a famous artist?" The reporter held out the mic to you, awaiting for your response.

"Uhm...living with Rafayel has always been a pleasant one, as he does take care of me and my daughter's needs." You replied, a smile coming forth. "He is a good husband and a good father."

"That is good to note. Rafayel sure do cares about you guys a lot. But, would you care to say that you fell in love with him because he is rich and famous?" The daring assumption made by the reporter made you scowled in 4k on the Linkon's National Television Network.

Your eyebrows are now knitted together, your facade of being nice slowly fading behind your rising annoyance. "No. I certainly do not and will never love him just because of his wealth and fame. I love him for the way he is."

"Fans had also mentioned that you do not seem to be a good example of a mother given you are a deepspace hunter yourself. Moreover, given the recent decrease in recruits, you had to take up double shifts to cover for the incident. What do you have to say regarding this?" The woman smirked, knowing she had struck a nerve in you. Her tone coated in layers of disdain and you can see it right through. This is a personal attack towards you and your family.

Before you could retort the question, you felt a hand on the small on your back and you turned around, your husband standing upright beside you. A look you knew all too well shown on his face. "Get out of my exhibition." The crew feigned innocence, looking at one another to mentally convince themselves that they had done nothing wrong other than doing their jobs. "Nobody disrespects my wife and my family like that. Be it fans or reporters or anyone else. SO you can kindly see yourself out before I call on my security guards." The edge of his lips curled into a cunning smirk. "Which I think might not look good on your company's reputation if they were to escort you guys out."

The bunch of strangers started dispersing out of the family's sight and you looked at Rafayel, who is quick to take Mariela off of your arms and into his. "Are you okay?" He ran the back of his hand across your cheek. "I am sorry, I should have been by your side the whole time." He apologised, putting the blame onto himself but you held his hand in yours, thumb rubbing comforting circles.

"Don't say that Rafayel. You were just doing what Thomas has asked of you. I can fend for myself if those remarks were thrown to me." You gave him a peck on your cheek. "Even if the day you end up being homeless and broke, I will still love you." You looked over to your daughter, who had cosied up to her father's neck, fast asleep.

"The same thing applies from me to you too, cutie." The use of the old nickname rolling off of the tip of his tongue made you bit your lip and you could not help but to smile, looking down at your heels. His finger lifted your chin up, and he pressed a kiss onto your lips lovingly in the middle of the exhibition hallway, ensuring that reporters who may be passing by would be able to catch a glimpse of his actual exhibition of love.

ZAYNE & LUMI & IVER

"Good morning." You could make out Zayne's husky voice and his weight was pressed up slightly against your back, a kiss then planted on your cheek. "Today is Lumi and Iver's presentation day. The one where they have to bring a parent along and to introduce them."

"Oh it's today?" You asked, yawning and stirring yourself to wake. You turned over to face your husband and you opened one eye. "I totally forgotten about it." Zayne smiled, pressing a kiss to your lips this time. You felt particularly tired because today is one of those rare off days you could get whenever Wanderer sightings are not reported as often, and perhaps, with the amount of lovemaking you had gone through with Zayne last night, it was a little hard for you to just jump out of bed and get ready for now.

"I can go on behalf on us as I do not need to be in the hospital today." He smoothed his hand over your hair, staring at you lovingly with those alluring hazel-green eyes of his. "So, take your time to rest, my love. You deserve it." Another kiss is pressed to your lips for a few seconds and he got out of bed, walking over to you to pull his side of blanket over your half naked body. "I don't want you to get a cold, so you may take my side of the blanket too."

You smiled warmly at him in return and managed to catch a glimpse of his toned physique when he walked towards the bathroom to wash himself up. Once he was done, he went over to the kids' room to wake them up. "Lumi, Iver. It's time to wake up." He said gently, pushing the curtains open to draw in the sunlight. The twins slowly stirred awake and they both sat up in their beds, in a half awake state.

"Morning daddy." Lumi spoke, with Iver saying the same exact greeting a few seconds behind. As if by routine, they both extended their arms out and Zayne picked both of them up in one-go, bringing them to the bathroom so they could get washed up and get dressed for school.

Pulling up at the twin's kindergarten, Zayne parked at the allocated parking lots for the parents and he got out of the car, immediately getting stares and comments from the bystanders in hushed whispers. Not only does he own a fancy car that most parents could not afford, but he is also extremely good looking. He popped the backseat's door open and escorted both of his kids into the kindergarten's premises.

Zayne sat on the floor, just like the other parents but it felt a little out of place for him as he was the only father who attended this event. The usual stigma regarding kids shall always be tied to a mother's responsibility but Zayne has never believed in that. He strongly believes that childrens are a result of both sides of parents, hence they should be a shared responsibility for both parents.

Lumi and Iver sat in front of their father, and they noticed the way their classmates were looking over to them. "Is that your daddy?" One of the classmates asked Lumi, the toddler about her size, with big brown eyes and short brown bob. Lumi nodded in return. "My mummy say he looks very nice." The comment made Zayne looked over at the parent who is in charge of the talking child and the mother looked away in embarassment.

As usual, Zayne is used to this kind of scenarios, even in hospitals he would always be stared at by patients, some even going as far as to state that they are cured because of how handsome he is. Zayne however, never bought into any of those bullshit. It is not because he is egoistic, but he does not want to be downplayed because of his looks. The saying goes, if you are handsome, you get a certain privilege amongst the normies. Zayne wanted to prove that idea to be a total scam as looks does not necessarily equate to one's actual capabilities in getting things done. Zayne being a prime example.

The homeroom teacher came in after the bell had finished ringing and she welcomed all of the parents' attendance. Goes on about the agenda for the day and that this event is held to encourage stronger bonds between parents and children and amongst their peers as well. "Lumi and Iver's father, would you like to be the first one to start?" She asked Zayne, palms out and pointed towards him.

"Sure." The man replied, clearing his throat and standing up, his towering height a stark difference from his children. He walked to the front of the classroom. Kids of their age would have thought of him being the giant in the beanstalk fairytale if only he had green skin and a big nose. Zayne pushed the glasses up the bridge of his nose and greeted everyone. "Good morning everybody, my name is Zayne and I am the father to Lumi and Iver." He sent a smile towards his kids. "I am the chief surgeon and leading cardiologist for Akso Hospital."

Zayne talked about his job, keeping it brief and non-technical as he does not want to bore anyone within the room and he does not find the need to reveal too much of his personal information. Now comes the questioning phase, in which the parents would ask questions towards the speaker to get to know them better. "Dr. Zayne, since you are a doctor, would your work take up a lot of time?" One of the ladies asked, readjusting her position on the mat.

"Yes it does." Simple and clear-cut.

"Then do you have a wife to take care of the kids for you?" Her question turned into a flirtatious attempt and a couple of other mums started to tune in, some biting their lip and some fixing their hair. Does not take one to know what was already running through their minds.

Zayne sighed, feeling indifferent to her question. He purposely held his left hand in front of his chest and he twisted the wedding band that is evident on his ring finger, the diamond cut on the simple band refracting the sunlight almost immediately. The lady who asked her question seemingly tried to choke back on her own words, face darkening to a shade akin to a tomato. "Of course I do. A doctor would not be in his or her right mind to have kids and to work full time when our job requires us to be on call for 24/7."

He continued. "My wife is a full time deepspace hunter and we are both equally as involved in our children's lives, just on intervals for the weekdays, but on weekends, we take more time to nurture them." The way he phrased his answer made the whole room went silent, the only sound present being the chirps of the birds coming from outside of the window.

"We are home mummy!" Both of the twins shouted together, placing their shoes onto the shoe rack and dashing into the house to look for their mother. Zayne followed in suit, keeping an eye on them two so they do not end up falling.

"Hey there my babies!" You called out from your bedroom, already dressed up and wide awake. Lumi and Iver both in their tiny white uniforms with stripes of blue, the uniform colour of the kindergarten they both attended. Lumi's dark hair was tied into a neat braid, an effort from Zayne's Youtube history having a streak watch for braid tutorials. Iver's hair however is soft and fluffy, the same as his father’s and it sat on top of his head like a cloud.

"How was the parent meeting?" You asked them two, and they both enveloped you into a big hug, each on one side. Both of your kids looked very happy so you assumed that it went well.

"All of our friends brought mummies." Iver stated. "Nobody bring their daddies to school today." Lumi nudged Iver and whispered something into his ear in her low voice and the boy reiterated what her sister said. "Oh and Cathy's mummy said daddy looks very good."

"She said he is handsome." Lumi corrected Iver and they both turned in sync to watch your reaction. What could you possibly say? Your husband is good looking, it is a bound-to-happen situation but you somehow wished you were the one that attended the event instead. A small slither of jealousy bubbled in your stomach. Just a tiny one.

You were wondering if Zayne took the lady's compliment until you saw your husband walking into the room, with a stoic look. He has always been stoic, yes, but this time, something is different about this look of his. His white formal collared shirt hugged his muscled figure well, his simple black tie hanging loosely below the third button, extending one's sight on his wide sets of shoulders and his v-line figure. His sleeves were folded to his forearm, veins lining against the exposed part of his arms. He placed the car keys and his glasses onto the makeup table and sent you a short look, the side of his lips pulled up into a greeting and loving smile. "Good morning, y/n."

"Good morning, my love." You wanted to believe that Zayne did not entertain the lady's compliment, but you just wanted to hear him say it. So, y/n decided to go with an indirect approach. "Kids, can you wait for mummy outside? Daddy and mummy have to talk a little." Once both of the kids had left, you turned to your 'sulking' husband who was busy changing into a more comfortable outfit. "Come on, what happened?"

"Apparently, I was the only male figure there." He spoke informatively. "And particularly, I do not find it likeable when the other parents think that I am a single parent." His sentence got you figuring when did he ever cared about what people think about him? Has the cold Dr. Zayne finally loosened up? "I find it disrespectful towards you despite them meeting me for the first time." He sounds offended and yet providing the benefit of the doubt to the other parents.

You stared at him, perplexed at the situation. "So, conclusively, you do not enjoy going to the parent's meeting?" You crossed your arms in front of your torso. "Because you do not like the way I got low-key disrespected by the other mums?" A part of you is tasting victory at the tip of your tongue for how protective he is, another part of you---, okay there's no other part. It is the least Zayne could do to show you and the others that he is in a happy marriage and you are fully content with the way he had handled it.

There is not a need to address your concerns of the woman calling him handsome anymore because you know well enough if Zayne had wanted to cheat on you, he could have done it many times given his popularity amongst the opposite sex. But he stayed loyal through thick and thin and had never made you doubt his loyalty and love to you, this being one of his prime examples of being a fine husband.

Zayne chuckled under his breath and came closer to you, both of his hands held your arms and he leaned down to press a kiss to your forehead. "Low-key is too minimal of a word to describe their assumptions. It is disrespectful for them to assume I am a single parent, when I have a model wife right here with me." He ran his hands repeatedly up and down your arms to comfort you.

"Furthermore, I do enjoy going to Lumi and Iver's events at the kindergarten but perhaps next time, I would much prefer it if you went with me." He pulled you into his arms and you surrendered within his hug. "So that we can spend time with the kids and I get to indirectly dismiss any ladies who may be interested in taking your place." Your laugh further made him look forward to the upcoming event for his kids' kindergarten.

XAVIER & LUCIAN

"Daddy, what are you doing?" Lucian appeared from behind his bedroom door, one eye opened while the other half-lidded. Xavier took a peek at the clock hung on the wall. 10.30am. Lucian, however, is looking at the desk filled with all sorts of sewing needles and a bunch of fabric lapped over one another. "Are you making something daddy?" His eyebrows hinged upwards and he tried to get onto his tip toes to see what was placed on the table. Seeing his son struggling, he carried the little boy up into his arms and placed him on his lap. "I am trying to sew mum a toy, you know, like the ones that you can get from the souvenir shops and all?" Lucian looked between his father and the mess on the table, figuring out how does one make a bunch of cloths into a toy. The limitation of imagination a normal happening for a toddler his age. "What should we make for mummy?"

"A big teddy bear!" The son exclaimed, arms wide and laughing happily. Xavier chuckled along, his son not lacking any bit of his wife's enthusiasm. "Rabbit? Mummy likes rabbits." The son pressed his small index finger to his own lips, thinking to himself. The suggestion of his made Xavier's cheeks flushed red, remembering that one time when you brought him to an event and made him dressed up as a rabbit themed butler, and that is how he met Lucian's mum. Ironic, I know.

"Yeah, I guess a rabbit would do." A sigh escaped his lips when he noticed none of the cloths on the table are white. Unless his wife would be able to appreciate a multi-coloured rabbit toy, he did not want to risk it. "We need to go shopping for some stuffs. Can you go and change your clothes Lucian?" Xavier instructed and the little boy headed off to his bedroom as he was previously trained. As much as independence goes, you and Xavier had decided that some good habits have to be instilled from young. Dressing himself up being one of the disciplines you guys had agreed on.

Xavier got himself changed into a simple white t-shirt and a pair of wide jeans. Surprisingly and yet not surprisingly, Lucian came out of his room, holding a same blue jeans in his hand. "Daddy, can you help me? It is hard to pull it up-up." He pouted, handing Xavier the jeans. Steadying himself, Xavier pulled the jeans up his legs and helped him to button it. "Thank you daddy." The son grinned from ear to ear and held onto Xavier's hand, going over to put on his shoes.

Initially, they were going to ride the motorbike to get to where they are headed, but given the sun is high up the skies today, it calls for a chance for the both of them to enjoy a walk under the clear and warm weather. Xavier did brought along an umbrella as well, in case Lucian gets a little hot. Just because he enjoys the sun, he does not immediately assume his son would enjoy it as much. A lesson he had learned from his wife when you got a fever after walking with him under the sun despite you not being able to stand the heat.

The streets today are not as busy as the normal weekends, with minimal traffic and pedestrians. "Are you tired already?" Xavier observed his son, his footsteps slowing down and slightly wonky. Lucian looked up at his towering father and shake his head, hand coming up to rub his eyes and he yawned. Tears lined his eyes and Xavier bent down to carry his son up into his arms. "It's okay, you can take a nap in my arms, kiddo."

He walked down the street, passing by a coffee shop that looked newly opened. As he was looking through the menu that was on a stand outside, his phone vibrated in his pocket. Fishing it out of his pocket, he noticed that his wife is contacting him. "Hello? Baby?" He immediately pressed the phone to his ear. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine. I woke up to an empty house. Where are you and Lucian?" You asked and he gulped, luckily he had kept the threads and sewing kits and fabrics or else the surprise factor would be ruined.

"Lucian told me that he wanted to have a walk at the park. Since you are still sound asleep, I decided to bring him out for a small walk." Xavier explained, head tilting slightly to look at his son. Still sound asleep within his arms. "We will be back around 15 minutes. Is there anything you would like me to get for you?"

"Some coffee would be great, Xavier." You smiled on the other side of the line, same as him. "Be safe when you are at the park with Lucian alright? I will just rest a bit more at home." You informed him and the call ended with 'Bye' and 'I love you'.

Arriving at a craft store, he lightly woke his son up by kissing his cheek. "We are here Lucian, would you like to accompany me to decide on what colour to get for mummy?" Lucian blinked open his eyes, those light blue irises of his slowly darkened to make up for the lack of lighting within the store. The trinkets neatly placed in various baskets and boxes amazed the child, there are so many things he would like to get his hands on.

"Hi there, how may I help you?" A senior appeared from behind the counter. A lovely lady with a hunched figure, her own kitting works worn on her. Xavier leaned closer to the counter, noticing the vast amount of fabrics, of all sizes and textures mapped out behind the counter. There are also several pictures, in monogramic style, featuring the old lady in her younger days and what seems to be her children, standing side by side, smiling with her. Her light brown eyes lit up when she caught sight of Xavier and Lucian. "Oh, what a precious child."

"Thank you." Xavier thanked her. The old lady laid her knitting items down onto the table she had beside her and she reached her wrinkly hand up to wave it in front of Lucian. The young kid was quick to react, using his tiny hand to wrap around the lady's index finger and Xavier swear he could have seen the old woman regained her youth at that moment. Perhaps reminiscing about the times when she had her kids alongside her. "I am here to get some fabric so I can make a stuffed toy for my wife."

Now it is Xavier's time to have a hunched back. He never thought the process of sewing a stuffed toy would be so complicated. Can't blame him, given his royalty background in Philos and him being an esteemed deepspace hunter in this dimension, why would he even go near anything related to sewing and knitting? It is however, a part-time hobby of yours, as you mentioned that you find it to be peaceful and helps you to focus better. It is also a good past time on the days when you are not busy out on the field.

"Daddy, daddy look at that!" Lucian called out and his head turned towards the direction his son pointed at. Claw Machine Store. Why has he never thought of just taking things the easy route? Because he did not want to. Catching a stuffed toy from a claw machine will always surpass the level of easiness as compared to making a stuffed toy from scratch. Furthermore, the thought of you finding out he actually put in the effort to make the stuffed toy for you would leave your heart melting. He wanted that from you, or more like he just wants you to be happy.

Across the street stood the claw machine store, with stuffed toys filled to the brim for each of the machines, begging to be caught. Your son's eyes are fully attached to the store now, already making mental marks on which toys he would want in his room. Your husband lack that enthusiasm, staring down at the huge bag of craft items he had just purchased from the store. He is debating against himself. Whether to catch a toy or to make one. Either one could predict for different endings, but he knows that you would be happy for both endings. Perhaps he was slightly irritated for the measuring of the level for your happiness.

"Let's go Lucian." He grabbed his son and heaved him upwards, holding the child in his arms like how one carries a log and he crossed the empty street. His feet light and quick in his steps, a habit obtained from his long-time combat instincts. The borders of the tar road ended when he stepped onto the padded pavement, putting his son down and watched as the kid hopped into the store. Xavier was quick on his tail, worried that something might happen to his son.

Luckily, the little boy with the light hair is easy to spot amongst the assemblage of neon lights and bright colours emitting from the machines. Lucian stood in front of a machine, hands pressed against the glass panel, hair stained pink from the light strobe of the machine. "Can we get this one for mummy?" His grin was angelic, but Xavier stood there, slightly stunned. Did his son perhaps doubted his sewing abilities as well like how he doubted his cooking abilities? Well, there is a possibility.

"But I bought these already kiddo. I thought we were going to make a toy for mummy." Xavier tried to test the waters and his son only responded with gestures, tine finger tapped at the glass panel again, pointing directly at the bunny plushie. "Lucian..." Xavier tried to coax him again.

Lucian then faced his father, lips pursed together. "The granny told me that you might get hurt from sewweng." The last word that has not been registered in his vocabulary. "I don't want daddy to get hurt. I don't think mummy will be happy too." For a 3-year old, his sensibility is admirable. His son's words changed his mind, and he gave the little boy a card, the one where he usually reloads a bit too much tokens in it for any sorts of arcades. "Let's get one for mummy together okay?"

"You," You closed the bedroom door behind you, a pastel pink stuffed rabbit in your grasp. Lucian had already being put to sleep shortly after his dinner because the poor boy was dozing off on the dining table. Today could have been a long day for your son. You watched your husband shifted his gaze from the mukbang show on the television to you. "Are a bad liar."

"What do you mean?" His voice feigning innocence when he sat up in a better posture, leaning against the bedframe now. "What have I done this time?"

"Lucian told me that you stitched this yourself." Your teasing smile is apparent to him now, you wiggling the bunny in your hands to show him the evident of his works.

"Do you not believe me?" Xavier's eyes widened, here comes the puppy look. He got out of the bed and slowly approached you. His aura taking a turn from being accused to being the accuser. "Or, do you not want to believe that I stitched it?"

You took a step back, your lower back pressed against the makeup table and he caged you, arms extended on both sides of your figure and he leaned in, smirking and chuckling lowly under his breath. "I...I...didn't know you could stitch toys." Your breath hitched in your throat as you could feel his warm breath fanned across your cheeks.

"I feel a little bit upset now." He expressed, pressing a soft and longing kiss onto your cheek and you jolted in shock. "Your son and I had tried to get a toy for you at the arcade today but we kind of finished the credits because the machine was problematic." You would safely put a finger on the fact that he is just bad at claw machine games as per usual. "So, Lucian and I decided to go back to the store where we bought the craft products from and got the old lady behind the counter to give us a crafting lesson. Then this bunny is the outcome of the lesson."

You can feel your heart bloomed at his explanation. You felt bad for doubting his skills, and you even thought that the bad stitching of the toy is a trend nowadays hence you assume your poor husband went off fishing at the claw machine arcades. You should not have doubted his determination. "I'm sorry Xavier, I didn't mean to. I just never thought you would go so out of your way to make me a stuffed bunny. I just---" His index finger slid past your bottom lip at a painfully slow pace.

"Sometimes, you can choose other methods to let me know that you're sorry." He whispered quietly and leaned down to kiss you, the doll you were holding taken out of your hands and tossed behind him, landing on the floor with a thud and your vision blended out into both of your igniting passion.

Here you go lovelies, this is part two for the LNDS boys with their kids and you <3

Leave me your thoughts and love <3 Have a nice day to all me lovelies!!!!

#love and deepspace #love and deepspace x reader #rafayel love and deepspace #zayne love and deepspace #lnds #xavier love and deepspace #fluffy #rafayel x reader #zayne x reader #xavier x reader

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brailsthesmolgurl · 22 days

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🧊 - Going home from work to my Zayne’s request getting posted alr. I LOVE YOU 😭 as a lonely single woman i need a caretaking man like Zayne in my life sobs thank you again for writing it to feed my delulu

Girlll, im glad you requested me to write it and I am glad to feed your delulu anytime gurl <3 Thank you for your amazing idea!

#love and deepspace #love and deepspace x reader #zayne love and deepspace

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brailsthesmolgurl · 22 days

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COOKING LESSON 101

This is a one-shot for Xavier! Hope you guys enjoy this :>

Xavier is known to be a terrible cook, but what if he was prescribed with an instructor and a recipe book? Will that change anything?

Warnings: Teeth-rotting fluff

"Do we really have to do this?" Xavier asked you, his body lazily plopped against the arm rest of the couch, eyelids half opened as he looked at you. His usual demeanour non-existent as you came barging in the mid afternoon, with a grocery bag in one hand and a recipe book in another. He knew this day was coming, but he did not expect it to happen on a weekend where he would rather spend his day curled up under the blankets.

You nodded excitedly, your ponytail bobbed up and down at your motions. "They said it's a good bonding time for couples." You held up the recipe book and started to browse through it.

"Maybe that applies to couples who can actually cook?" Xavier quirked an eyebrow, a pout forming on his lips when he knew it was too late for him to say no. He should have just pretended not to be at home, but the constant ringing of the doorbell would be a torture to his sensitive hearing.

You walked over to him and took a seat next to the couch he was laying on and you patted his head, his blond strands silky to your touch. "Why? What's with the long face?" You mimicked his pout. "You don't want to do this together?"

"No..." He trailed off, his cerulean orbs catching yours and you can almost see a gleam of disappointment within this stare. "It's just that I am not confident in my cooking skills, and I do not want to mess things up, you know." His confession made you go 'awe' and your pats on his head got a little aggressive, but not enough to hurt him.

"Xavier, there is always a first time to everything. This time, we are both going to do this together okay?" You held out your hand to him in the form of a fist, with your pinky finger dangling mid-air. "I promise okay?"

Instead of hooking your pinky to formalise the promise, the blond boy took your hand in his larger ones and kissed your pinky. A much more intimate promise of his. "Alright, if you say so." Your cheeks blushed slightly at the sudden bold interaction. His smile then exchanged for a smirk and he leans in, catching your lips in his and you returned the favour. When he pulled back, he tilted his head sideways, an abashed grin accompanied his features. “I look forward to your guidance.”

"Now, on here, it says that we have to combine the wet and dry ingredients together." You had your finger lining up towards the sentence on the book, eyes focused on the instructions. It has been like this for quite a while, you reading off of the book and him doing all of the hard work.

"Okay." He quipped, picking up the bowl containing the dry ingredients and he poured it into the wet mixture. "Do I just stir it around?" He turned towards you, an apron tied to his torso. The apron was mainly a mix of the colours pink and red, with frills sewed onto the sides of the protective garment.

You stifled your laughter, the apron looking extra adorable on him. Initially, he did not want to put on the apron, claiming it was not his type of clothing. But with a bit of coaxing, and an offer to bring him to eat hotpot later, he gladly went along with your idea.

You nodded, watching him when he started stirring the mixture together, his force making some of the flour poured out of the bowl and staining his apron. Oh, how you wished that he could have worn this without the extra layers beneath it. Then he shall be a desirable eye candy for sure. Of course, getting him to wear the apron itself has been a trouble so you could only imagine how much more troublesome would it be to convince him to be half naked in it.

"This does not...look right." He showed you the bowl and your gasped, shocked at how the mixture has a lot of air bubbles. By a lot, it is filled with air bubbles. "Maybe I whipped it too hard?" DEFINITELY.

"Xavier, I think you should go slow on the mixing process okay?" You smiled apologetically at him, giving him a pat on his shoulders and a kiss on his arm. He looked down at the bowl and took the spatula and the next thing he did, was whipping the mixture HARD. "Xavier!"

"Huh?" He looked at you, eyes widened. "I am whipping it slowly, like what you told me to do." At that moment, you felt like your instructions had fallen on deaf ears, or maybe on hands that are just not capable of cooking. But you chuckled, calming yourself down and you showed him the motions of whipping the mixture 'slowly'.

It took you around two times to get him to mix the combined ingredients till you achieve the texture that is similar within the cook book. Then, you layered parchment paper onto a baking tray and he poured the mixture onto it. The thick brown texture slowly flowed onto the parchment paper. Then, you instructed Xavier to flatten it but the moment he raised his arms up high, you stopped him. He was not going to flatten the mixture, you think he was actually going to flatten his whole floor to the ground floor.

"Just spread it out, you don't have to smack it or anything." You took over the spatula and he watched in awe at your languid movements as you spread the thick batter to cover it all over the parchment paper. "And we are done."

"Does this mean we can eat it now?" Xavier looked at the batter, confusion written on his face. There is no way you guys went through all of the trouble just to eat something that does not even look as appetising.

His question made you laughed. Oh, how innocent this boy could be. "No Xavier, we have to bake it first, then we can eat it afterwards." You brought the baking tray to the oven that he owns, but probably never touched. Opening the lid, your assumptions became true, his oven still have the smell of a freshly bought one, the metallic smell of new appliances apparently. "Now, set the temperature to 325 degrees and bake it for about 40 to 45 minutes."

Xavier bent down and started to adjust the temperature using the knobs and buttons available on the electrical appliance. Once he was done, both of you headed over to the couch to await for the brownie to be done.

DING! The chime on the oven jolted the both of you, heads turning in sync, away from the cartoon playing on the television towards the kitchen area. "I think it is done." Xavier stood up, apron still clung to him. "I will go and get it out and we can taste test it."

"Be careful, it's going to be hot, so make sure you are putting on the mittens before you are getting the tray out." He replied you with an 'okay' as he headed to the kitchen. Sounds of a door opening and closing echoed through his apartment, accompanied with the sweet, delectable smell of brownies. "It smells great Xavier!"

"Yeah it does." He appeared from the corner, tray in his mitted hands and he smiled, walking over to you carefully. This is one of the first times you had ever seen this young man trudging carefully as he always walks with a purpose in mind. "I think we managed to do it this time. Oh wait, let me get a knife to cut it as well."

He placed the tray onto the coffee table and he took long strides over to the kitchen again, judging by his hasty movements, he should be hungry already. He returned with a knife and two small plates, alongside with two forks, a smile pasted onto his face and he took a seat next to you and started cutting into it. The brownie looks really promising. Perhaps even better than the ones which are store-bought. Call it biasness, but Xavier would call it his first time success.

Two slices of brownies are placed individually onto both of the plates and you both shared a look before digging in. The pungent, fragrant smell hit the both of your mouths but what comes later was the exponential increase of saltiness within your mouth and you spit out the brownie. You looked over to Xavier, his eyes closed and you can tell he was not enjoying the slightest bit for the salty piece of dessert. But he forced it down his throat anyways. "How much salt did you put into this Xavier?"

"Just two spoonfuls like what you said." He looked at you with those puppy eyes of his, a genuine reaction.

"Alright, was it 1/4 of a tablespoon?" You asked, recalling during then, you were too busy replying to Tara on your phone hence you did not noticed the amount of salt he had put in, or the type of spoon he used to measure the amount of salt.

"I didn't know which one it was, so I scooped the salt with the biggest spoon they have." His answer made you smiled at him, not disappointed, but you wished you could have monitored him better. At least he tried, so that should matter more. "Did it tasted that bad?"

"It's just a little bit salty." Your reply made him looked down at the brownie and you were worried that he might not take your answer well. "It's okay Xavier, shall we just stick to store-bought brownies next time?"

"Or, we can just go for hotpot now." He put the plate back onto the table, next to the tray. "Then when we come back, we can try baking it again." He smiled at you and took your hand into his, a confident smile on his face.

This is the one-shot for you Xavier girlies out there! Poor Xavier can't cook but we all know that at least he is willing to give it his best and to try again and again, just to spend precious time with you ;) Hope all of you enjoyed it!

#love and deepspace #love and deepspace x reader #rafayel love and deepspace #zayne love and deepspace #xavier love and deepspace #fluffy #lnds #xavier x reader

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brailsthesmolgurl · 24 days

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GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE

Here comes another angsty fluffy one-shot request by one of my readers. Featuring everyone's fav doctor, Zayne. Enjoy the story! Warnings: Angst but yes to Comfort

"How can you expect me to do my damn job but also expect me not to be hurt?" You gritted your teeth, eyes shooting daggers into Zayne's side profile. He seemed unbothered by you raising your voice slightly, either he is used to it, or he expected it. Or both.

"Then I would suggest you to quit your job." His words were finalised, no variations in tone or anything. Just a statement, a sentence with a full stop. Your eyes welled up with tears. How could he not understand? To at least give you the benefit of the doubt that accidents would happen in your line of job, but you would do your best to minimise it?

"I won't." You walked over to him and you noticed his head turned slightly to face you. "And I am done with you." You grabbed your bag off of his desk and you darted off towards the front door. Zayne got off of his chair to hold you back but before he could grab your hand, you threw him your statement. "I do not wish to see you ever again. Have a good life."

Zayne was out at a charity event hosted by Akso Hospital, to raise funds for the several orphanages at Linkon City. As usual, he was expected to give a speech in front of the crowd, but instead of being the lead cardiac surgeon for Akso, he shall be giving his speech as one of the biggest donors for this event.

But as of now, his time has yet to come, so he stood at one of the cocktail tables, watching the crowd of unfamiliar faces. Although he is one of the best cardiac surgeons, he was not known to be the friendliest amongst his colleagues so generally, not many people would go up and strike a conversation with him.

He finds his mind wandering, floating from what would be a good post-event dessert to what diagnosis he have yet to complete to you. It has been 6 months since the both of you had contacted one another. Zayne however, had tried to call you after you had left but to no avail. And surprisingly, you blocked him so he had no methods to reach out to you. He could have easily come over to your place, but with Zayne being Zayne, he would not intrude into someone else's property if he was not invited at first glance.

His phone vibrated from the inside of his suit, and he peeled apart the right side of his tailored suit to fish out his phone. He stared at the caller's name for quite a bit. Longer than a few seconds. 'Y/N' flashed on his phone's screen. He pressed the phone to his ear. "Hello."

"Zayne." You were huffing and panting, and he could hear your whimper through the line. "I need... I need your help." You tried to explain, one hand holding the phone to your ears while the other pressed up against the deep gash you have on the side of your hips. "Nobody was picking up... I had no choice..."

Your voice. It was breaking up in between chokes and whimpers and sharp inhales. Zayne knew you were hurt, and this time, it is much more severe than any other times when he was there to tend to your wounds. He knew this was coming. No, not the call. He figured you would uphold your ego so much that you would not reach out to him anymore just to prove him wrong. To prove to him that you could take care of yourself.

But look at you now. He knew that there shall be a day where he would have to treat you when you are at your worst condition. He could imagine you being pushed into the hospital, with tendrils of tubes surrounding your body; to administer blood, nutrients, oxygens and many other fluids that your body requires to achieve a stable condition. His mind got snapped back to reality when you no longer spoke on the other side of the line.

"Stay still." You heard someone talking, unsure whether if it was towards you. "Or else you might end up hurting yourself again."

Your eyelids felt heavy as you slowly opened them, taking in your surroundings. The last moment you remembered was you were at one of the danger zones and you were outnumbered by a couple of wanderers. You managed to defeat them with all of your might and yet they manage to give you a wound so nasty it robbed your ability to stand and walk.

The room that you are currently in does not smell sterile at all. In fact, it smells like a mix of lavender and with hints of coconuts. The room was lit only with lamp decors, the light bouncing off of the pristine white walls, tainting it with a shade of beige. The room is tidy and emits the vibes of a cosy home which reminds you of someone you knew.

"Did the concussion made you lost the ability to listen to simple instructions?" You snapped your head to the right side as you slowly sat yourself up and you could not stop your jaw from dropping mentally. Zayne is seated right next to you, an apple in hand and a knife in another, eyes focused on peeling the skin off of the apple. One of his many acquired skills.

Your palm smoothed over your hip and you winced, facial features scrunched together in pain as you realised how bad your wound is. "What happened?" You choked out, still awaiting for the stinging pain to wear off.

"You called me earlier and through the phone, I could tell that you were terribly injured." He brought the peeled apple up to his face, examining it closely before placing it down and taking the next apple to start peeling its skin off. "So I went over to save you."

"But..." You were embarassed, teeth biting onto your bottom lip. "With what I had done previously... you could have-"

"You called me after six months of not being in contact, and you expect me to do nothing with your calls for help?" He spoke, finally placing the half-peeled apple down onto the ceramic plate, a clink followed as he placed the knife down. He looked towards you, his hazel green eyes are only brown within such a dark room. But you could make out the soft gaze he was giving you. "Does it still hurt?"

Your cheeks were hot, your heartbeat ramping up when he got closer to you. "I will leave once I feel better." He quirked one of his thin eyebrows up, a signal of confusion. "As soon as I can walk, I mean." You turned your face away from him, but this time, his fingers were quick to catch your chin, pulling you back to stare at him.

"I'm afraid that might take a while." He lets go of your chin and pulled down the blanket slightly, enough for him to see the bandage wrapped around your hip, and enough for him to notice the bits of skin showing above your hip given he had to wrap your hips so clothing would only be in the way of his treatment. "Your wounds are quite deep this time around. I had used my evol to freeze and cut out some of the dead tissue but I think rest should be your first priority for now."

"Look, I called you because I couldn't reach out to anyone else okay? I will be out of your hair once all of this," you gestured at your wound. "is fully healed." Your chafed statement made him sighed, his fingers coming up to pinch the bridge of his sculpted nose. "So how long will this take? For me to heal?"

"I'm sorry." He muttered, the voice of his faltered alongside the wind chimes that he had hung by the windows. Your whole body was rigid, staring at the man in front of you, apologising to you out-of-the-blue. "It was selfish of me to ask you to quit your job and to not trust you in protecting yourself."

Your lips could not move, as if you were gagged by his remorse, his guilt, his regrets. Six months passed, and yet you did not took it any easier than him despite you were the one who chose to leave him and to never look back. You were the one who blocked him from contacting you entirely, you were the one who thought that he would at least cared about your passion for your work.

However, as a matter-of-fact, you can never forget about him. You always find yourself taking the long way home, purposely passing by Akso Hospital just to catch a glimpse of him. On lucky days, maybe you could catch him from a far distance, getting off of work. On unlucky days, you could still catch his black sedan car parked within the staff columns.

"When you called me, I expected the worst." Zayne's side profile is the only thing you could see now. "I tried contacting you after you had left, but the dial tone always ends, so I assumed that you have blocked me." Hearing how he had tried to reach out to you, your gut twisted, adding on to the pain that you are experiencing physically. "But I would understand if you would want to rest alone at your house instead of mine. I can schedule to send you back home tomorrow before I head off to the hospital."

"Zayne, I, I just couldn't believe it when you asked me to quit my job..." You trailed off, your eyes drooped as you felt your tears weighing them down. "I thought you would have known better that I am a deepspace hunter and that I will always be putting my life on the line."

Zayne leaned over, his shadow loomed over your figure and he placed his hand on the top of your head, slowly smoothing your hair behind your back. His touch was gentle, soothing to your skin. "And I should have trusted you instead of asking you to quit." You can feel the heat radiating from both of his hands cupping your cheeks, your face probably the size of an egg within his grasp. "When you were away, I find myself thinking about you and your safety a lot."

You agreed, your hand coming up to cup over his. The difference between both of your hands always a surprise to you. "I can't help but to want you as well, Zayne." His thumb caught the tear that streamed down your cheeks and he wiped it off. "I am sorry too, for having to walk out on you and on this relationship."

"Now, you should allow yourself to rest." Zayne's lips curled up into a small encouraging smile. He laid you down onto the bed slowly, hovering over you. "Would you still like me to fetch you back home tomorrow?" The shake of your head made him sighed in relief. "Then you should stay here, where I am capable of taking care of you." He peered down at you, his gentle gaze contradictory to his chiseled facial features. "Not only till you get better, but for the future too." The man then leaned down to claim your lips in a soft and longing kiss.

Tadaa! That is the end for this one-shot! It is fluff just as requested by my reader, so I hope this suffices you guys heart <3

#love and deepspace #love and deepspace x reader #zayne love and deepspace #rafayel love and deepspace #lnds #xavier love and deepspace #fluffy #zayne x reader #zayne fluff

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brailsthesmolgurl · 25 days

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oh don't worry i do skip your works i don't like :) i know what a pedophile is thats why i said pedophilic UNDERTONES, not pedophile. because bottom line it is so, so weird and wrong to do sexual acts in front of children, regardless of whether they can see it/are aware of it or not and i don't know how you cant comprehend that. like i told my friend about your fic a couple days ago and she was very weirded out as well😭i love suggestive and nsfw fics just not ones where it creepily involves children 😽

ah yes but see how my words flow nicely and aren't choppy? thats what im referring to, having a comfortable grasp on how to write in a way that reads nicely, not specifically the issue of punctuation. should i feel like properly using punctuation im more than capable of doing so, as evidenced here for your reading pleasure. 🫶 as for anonymity, i just think its much more fun this way, hope u understand <3

Womp womp move on :)

#rude anon

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brailsthesmolgurl · 25 days

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oh also ps ur not one to talk about english skills ur writing does not flow well boo😭

Salty I see, perhaps I should suggest you to stop being an anon and actually comment with your identity itself. My work my rules, if you don’t like them. Pls move on :) And pls, your sentences do not even have punctuation marks in them and you’re criticising me. :)

#rude anon

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brailsthesmolgurl · 25 days

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hate to say it but the anon that called u creepy for having zayne finger his wife in public infront of their toddlers was 100% right, it was sooo unnecessarily weird and felt SO uncomfortable to read. also very ooc for zayne like he is such a private man he would never😭

like to want to do that in front of children is so ??? very much had pedophilic undertones and just super fuckin weird overall

Yet again, thanks for commenting, but like what I had mentioned in my previous post, should you think it is uncomfortable for you to read, you may kindly skip my work as there are other fan fiction writers out there.

My point still stands and yes Zayne is a private man but at the same time, I see he could be an experimental guy. And he was doing it under the table where there is a table cloth covering over it given the context it’s taking place in a fancy restaurant.

I had no idea how to stress this enough, pedophiles are people who are interested in kids, be it having sexual fantasies about minors or engaging in anything that a minor is not consenting to. And yet none of my works shown that he was interested in kids other than the fact he was being a responsible father. So if I were you, I would just skip my works given there was a forewarning for it being suggestive.

Have a nice day and move on :)

#rude anon

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brailsthesmolgurl · 25 days

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Oh this is actually an ice xD —> 🧊 because Zayne is an ice king loll.

And did I read correctly that you’re preparing for a Zayne angst series? Yass I’ll be tuning in! Btw I hope that rude anon words didn’t get to you in a bad way :c

OMG HOW RUDE OF ME AHAHAHAH IM SO SORRY ahahaha minecraft ice cube is just what popped into my head first

Gurl, youre in for a treat, whilst waiting for the angst series, I am working on the one-shot ur requesting from me. It is taking a bit of time as I am flooded with work irl, but I promise I am alr halfway done with it and will drop you a comment once its done :>

And its okay, that one anon against my readers, im not scared because I know you guys understand where im coming from and what my content is about :))))

#love and deepspace #zayne love and deepspace #lnds #love and deepspace x reader

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brailsthesmolgurl · 27 days

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Why did your weirdo ass have zayne finger his wife where his toddler children are present and literally across the table from them you do know that’s considered Pedophile/child sexual abuse right you would have to literally register as an Pedophile by law for doing so by all means write your public sex idc but don’t put in front of literal children fanfics “writers” stayed being fucking weirdos and 50% of the time Pedophiles

Hi there, appreciate you pointing out this fact, but firstly, allow me to clarify some things with you.

1. This is 100% fanfiction, in which direct translates to Fan-Based fiction. If you have a hard time differentiating what is fictional or non-fictional, kindly hit up the dictionaries.

2. The warnings were already prepped with the word: Suggestive. Should you not understand that slang amongst fanfiction writers, kindly do more research again on that.

3. My writings are and never had been sticking to what the real world has to offer. My works, my rules. So if you simply do not enjoy that, you may skip my works. But the people who commented and also liked my works would think otherwise and I would prefer having to please the majority than a minute one like yours.

4. Pedophiles? What did Zayne did to harm any of the kids in the story tbh? Reread the details if you may and tell me about that once you had actually, ONCE AGAIN, read up the word on PEDOPHILES. Yet, I DO NOT and SHALL NOT support any sort of pedophilic actions and behaviours.

Last but not least, I seemingly have a hard time understanding your question. So if I were you, please do read up on how to form better sentence structures. And given how you’re so down to criticise me and also most of the fanfiction writers out there, I would expect you to have better English to be pointing out people’s flaws. In the end, what fanfiction writers provide are a fantasy to the fan bases and if you have such bad blood with people as such, go and touch some grass as I think you badly need it :)

#rude anon #fanfiction

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brailsthesmolgurl · 29 days

Text

WHY HIM?

I have been writing daily and I think the next few days updates would be a bit more chill as I would be prepping for the Zayne angst series. If you're my follower, you would know what I am talking about ;)

A oneshot featuring you, choosing another guy over him. The songs were curated according to what the boys are probably thinking, just in the form of songs. Accompanied with the boys' POV.

Warnings: Angst, no comfort for the boys because mc is a bitch in this

Zayne - SNOW WHITE

'SHE WAS SNOW, SNOW LIKE THE WHITE LIES'

"Any excuses on why you had to reschedule for your last health checkup?" Zayne spoke, eyes never leaving the health report, studying the numbers and facts running through his mind like a vision.

"I just had to tend to work at the very last minute." She replied, tucking her brunette strand behind her ear. Clearly a lie. Zayne knew her well and long enough to tell the bad habits she has whenever she is lying.

The doctor chuckled softly under his breath. "Sure." Seeing right through her white lies. "Your heart seems to be functioning well. Keep up the good work." His praise raised a smile on her face. A sight he shall never forget.

"I remember you talked about a dessert shop not far from here. How about we head there after I am done with my next consultation?" Zayne asked, the report placed onto the wooden desk of his, fingers intertwined into a combined fist and he looked up. It was rare for Zayne to suddenly ask for a casual hang out just like this. He is always either too busy or too tired to go for any social sessions after he was done for the day.

'COLD LIKE THE NIGHT SHE LET ME GO'

His shift ended and once the last patient was checked out, he swiftly packed his briefcase and headed out of his office, not wanting to spare another minute. A nurse approached him mid-way, asking him to check through the files of a patient prior to submission to the report but Zayne kindly rejected with, "I shall review it tomorrow. Please leave it on my desk."

His response left the nurse bamboozled. He is the last doctor she expected to reject looking into a report for a patient. Guess there is a first for everything. "Sure, Dr.Zayne." She followed him with her gaze, seeing the figure quickly dissipated amongst the crowd of people within the hospital's lobby.

Zayne's excitement immediately died out. There she stood, basked under the dim lighting of the street lamps. Casting an overhead shadow of her, and another individual standing next to her. Zayne could not make out what they were talking about but he could tell she looked happy. Head thrown back, hands covering her mouth to mask her loud laughters. The guy stood in front of her reached his hand up to pat her head in a loving gesture.

'WAS IT THE FROSTBITE OR JUST THE ICE INSIDE HER SOUL? I DON'T KNOW'

Zayne winced, a jolting pain shot up his right arm. A searing pain that he knew was a direct reflection of his heart. If being with her hurts him, being away from her probably hurts him just as much, or perhaps, worse. He gritted his teeth, jaw tightened and his right fist curled tightly into a ball, trying his best to be in control of the pain.

The torture continues as he desperately wanted to intervene, to walk up to her side and introduce himself to the guy. But he stood still, unable to do anything as he watched her expressions closely. Joy, bashful, meek. But whenever she is with him, it would be the opposite effect. Nervous, hesitant, awkward. Was that what he really wanted from her? Of course not.

'I USED TO MELT IN HER ARMS NOW IM FALLIN' APART LIKE THE SNOW'

There were times she would pay him surprise visits in between his schedule, to bring him something to eat or to just spend time with him. But he would dismiss her, stating that it is not necessary for her to be around as it might cause a distraction. But he secretly liked the distraction. He liked watching her looking stressed as she tried to type out her report, looking at him every once in a while, using his face as a medium to recall her memories during the fight with Wanderers.

He also secretly likes it when she brings him desserts, tempting him forcefully by blackmailing him. No floss, no desserts. And he would not comply, purposely saying he has to catch a surgery, only to come back and see the dessert box being left on his table, with a packet of floss and a note that says '𝓟𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓮 𝓻𝓮𝓶𝓮𝓶𝓫𝓮𝓻 𝓽𝓸 𝓯𝓵𝓸𝓼𝓼!'

He blames himself, it is probably his coldness that drove her away, his indefinite display of love for her an opposing language towards her approach. His cold demeanour being a reality check for the curse that he has to succumb to, but fails terribly when he noticed the way his heart gravitates towards her.

'NEVER KNEW LOVE SO BRIGHT COULD EVER GET THIS COLD'

Zayne's phone vibrated in the pocket of his slacks and he unlocked it with his fingertip, reading the short message that was sent by her. <𝖧𝖾𝗒 𝖹𝖺𝗒𝗇𝖾, 𝗌𝗈𝗋𝗋𝗒 𝖨 𝖽𝗈𝗇'𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗄 𝖨'𝗅𝗅 𝖻𝖾 𝖺𝖻𝗅𝖾 𝗍𝗈 𝖼𝖺𝗍𝖼𝗁 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖺𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖽𝖾𝗌𝗌𝖾𝗋𝗍 𝗌𝗁𝗈𝗉 𝗅𝖺𝗍𝖾𝗋. 𝖱𝖺𝖿𝖺𝗒𝖾𝗅 𝖼𝖺𝗆𝖾 𝖻𝗒 𝗍𝗈 𝗉𝗂𝖼𝗄 𝗆𝖾 𝗎𝗉.> A rejection clear as day within the enveloping darkness of the night.

Lies. Her face faded back into the darkness and a motion showcased her shoving her phone back into her jeans. The purple haired guy beside her snakes an arm around her waist comfortably and they both trudged down the streets together, an echo of their laughter carried by the wind. Zayne wished he could give up on everything to be in Rafayel's spot now.

─┉┈◈◉◈┈┉

Xavier - FLOORBOARDS

'BURY ME UNDER THE FLOORBOARDS'

Xavier woke up, dreary and wilted. Contrary to the sun that is exploding sun rays into everyone's houses, Xavier's house remained dark, with the sun-free curtains drawn closed for the past few days. It has been a few days since he had last heard from his partner, ever since that day he nearly got her killed due to his carelessness.

Xavier and his partner were deployed onto a mission involving a dangerous underground society named Onichynus. But their cover was blown when one of their moles ended up betraying both of the deepspace hunters, given Xavier has a bounty on his head.

During combat, Xavier managed to eliminate everyone who were trying to decapitate him but he failed to remember that his partner is not exactly the most durable fighter and that got her into a life threatening situation. Laying in her own pool of blood, she was suffocating because of the multiple lodged bullets in her torso.

"Y/N!" Xavier rushed over, skidding past dead bodies to reach to her, holding her up and pulling her into his arms effortlessly. "Help is already on its way. Don't worry about it. I am sorry." He spoke, everything a blur to him because his vision was only narrowed down to the girl in his arms. The girl that made him tear off his own clothes to press it against her bullet wounds to stop the bleeding, the girl that made his work life enjoyable and the girl that gave him a meaning to live, to live FOR HER.

'HIDE AWAY WITH THE LOVE YOU LEFT BEFORE'

Xavier made his way to the kitchen, feet dragged against the flooring, as if he had ankle weights that are too heavy for him to lift up with his legs. Passing by the kitchen isle, he noticed a book sat on it. The same exact book she had given him a few days prior to the accident. Small strips of sticky notes peeking out from the side of the book, an indication for the notes she would like him to be aware of.

Xavier's constant memory loss for deepspace hunter's rules and regulations resulted in the book having to be highlighted and lent to him. Her constant nagging about him needing to be constantly following the protocols used to be a pain in his ass but now he misses it so much. Holding up the thick book in his hand, a sigh ran past his lips and he tossed the book into the thrash can that sat right beside the isle.

'WASTE OF A HEART IF IT'S NOT YOURS'

Almost every night, he sat at the benches outside of Akso Hospital, awaiting for calls from the hospital. Hoping for a report on her wellbeing, or an autopsy if there were any. It was agonizing even for someone as strong-willed as him. Days went by in silence, drowning him further into his own misery.

During his wait for her return, work goes on, with him getting paired up with other deepspace hunters whom are females. Their admiration towards him a one-sided experience for them. There was only missions and home. It shall no longer be missions, then a good meal, then home. Without her, the routine shall only ever part between missions and home.

'STRANGERS AGAIN AND I'M NOT SURE WHAT YOU LEFT FOR'

His phone's ringtone jolted him to his wake, snatching the phone off of his nightstand and the news about her finally came. Within matter of seconds, he is already on his bike, riding at full speed, heading towards Akso Hospital. The low rumble of his engine coming to a full stop when he parked his motorbike at the allocated parking for bikes and he ran in.

His sneakers screeched against the cool tiled floors, making his way past people and up the flights of stairs rather than using the elevator. He could not wait to see her again, not only to give her a proper apology, but to give her a hug as well and to confess to her his true feelings.

After running up more than enough stairs to last a normie for a lifetime of workouts, he came to the floor where patients are housed. He approached the nurses at the oval table and asked for her room. "May I know what's your relationship with the patient?" The nurse asked, fingers flying across the space in front of her, pulling up the requested patient's records with holographic images.

"Boyfriend." He replied and she appointed the room to him.

'LOVE ME LESS, I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU'

He peeked his head in and spotted her from the door, her body lounging under the warmth of the sunlight. When her eyes caught his, she mimicked his expression, eyes widened and seemingly acknowledging his existence.

"How are you doing?" He walked in, closing the door behind him and taking a seat next to her. "I came by as soon as the hospital called me. Are you alright?" His cerulean blues eyeing her from top to bottom in the least sexual way, just wanting to know if she was doing alright physically. The last he met her, she was wrapped tightly like a cocoon, the once white sheets turned red at the amount of blood she had lost.

"Wait." She does not sound shocked nor happy, she sounded curious. "Who are you again?"

'I CAN'T STAND TO SEE YOU WITH SOMEONE ELSE'

Xavier stood outside of the door, silent tears invisible as he watched nurses holding her down as she screamed bloody murder, mistaking Xavier as to be one of the Onychinus. A tall man, with broad shoulders and dark hair walked past Xavier, two men accompanying behind him. Xavier caught the name tag on the man, Zayne. Stepping aside, he watched on as Dr. Zayne---who did not even spare the blond guy a stare---went into the room and he heard her cried out.

"They came for me Zayne! THEY CAME FOR ME!" She was on her wits end, grabbing hold onto Zayne's arms once he took his place beside her. "Please save me." Tears of fear a constant theme for her since she started crying and when Xavier evicted himself out of her personal space.

"It's alright, y/n." Zayne beckoned for everyone to leave the room and they all formed a trail, stepping out of the room one by one.

'WITH SOMEONE ELSE'

"Nobody is going to hurt you when I am here." Xavier caught sight of Zayne hugging her close to him, pressing a soft kiss onto her forehead. It made Xavier's eye twitch unwillingly, his breath hitching in his throat, making it super uncomfortable for him to breathe.

Xavier chose to leave, he had decided that his love for her shall only be kept to himself. Furthermore, she deserves someone who could take better care of her. Both physically and mentally. A trait Xavier strongly believes he could excel in, only if she could remember him.

─┉┈◈◉◈┈┉

Rafayel - IRIS

'AND ALL I CAN TASTE IS THIS MOMENT'

Fingers came up to run past her brunette curls, Rafayel pulled a sakura petal out of her hair. "Even if you have hair colour like this sakura pink, I think it would be a good match to mine. Since they are both from the same spectrum." He chuckled, an invigorating smile on his handsome features. "Mixing paints to get the right swatch would not be so much of a pain in the ass anymore."

"You're funny Rafayel." She replied, eyes connected to his, her words sincere like his feelings for her.

"As so I was told. Most of the time." He then slowly leaned in and they both shared a tender kiss, under the shadows of the sakura trees, children laughters and people's chatting voices framing as background music for their ears.

'AND ALL I CAN BREATHE IS YOUR LIFE'

Rafayel laid in bed next to her, studying her features closely. Her eyes closed, soft breaths circulating in and out of her nose, her cherry red lips glossed under the soft lighting present within his room, making them look extra kissable.

His fingers skimmed past her soft cheeks, causing her to stir ever so slightly but dozed right back off into her dreamland. She had gotten herself so drunk at his event just a while before. But he never knew the reason behind the willingness of her wanting to drink all of a sudden.

But there she laid, within his touch, well asleep. "How I wish you could have just told me what was bothering you rather than keeping it to yourself." His hushed voice seemingly causing no disturbance to her sleep, but it made its way into her dreamland, with him appearing in her dreams, telling her what was told in reality.

'AND SOONER OR LATER ITS OVER, I JUST DONT WANNA MISS YOU TONIGHT'

"Im sorry." Rafayel looked down at the girl in front of him, the bouquet of roses he had prepared for her being returned back to him. Her face displaying nothing but repudiation. "I can't take this. Im sorry."

"Why?" Rafayel looked at the roses. The carmine red standing out from the pristine white of the bouquet wrapper. "Are these flowers not what you like? I can go back to the florist to get different ones, the ones you may-"

"No. Rafayel, no." Her voice barely tepid. "I don't think we should meet each other anymore. I..." Her fingers toying with one another. "I fell in love with someone else." And she walked away, Rafayel's figure slowly shrunk further into the distance.

'AND I DON'T WANT THE WORLD TO SEE ME'

Rafayel holed himself up in his room, artworks all completed way before it was supposed to be done, but Thomas is not allowed anywhere near his house. He did not want to deal with anymore distractions when his mind is already in aberration.

His every stroke messy and not thought through, unalike his usual perfectionist attitude. His pupils were dull, just like the colours shown on his paintings. "It needs more black." He turned to his pots of paints, everything in shades of dark. The colour black itself, has its own palette of tones, although to the naked eyes, it looks black.

'CAUSE I DON'T THINK THAT THEY'LL UNDERSTAND'

He attended events in a timely fashion as well, arriving in his sports car and getting photographed in public. A smile as fake as his belief in love. He used to think that his life hangs in the balance for his relationship, but now it turns out his relationship is what hangs in the balance for his life.

"Is there anything you have to say about your recent change in tones, a drastic change from colourful pastels to gloomy dark shades?" One of the exhibition attendees asked, their eyes blazed with passion as they awaited for his brilliant answer.

"I don't have much to say. But I do have a context to give." He took a deep breath in, calming his nerves. "Paintings are like museums too, they are pieces of memory that one can't touch nor relive." And he left the exhibition right then and there.

'WHEN EVERYTHING'S MEANT TO BE BROKEN'

Rafayel took a walk by the boardwalk near the ocean he always visits. The sky bloomed in blue, the moon hung up high in the cloudless skies like a static mobile. A bonfire set in the distance puffing smokes out into the distance. The smokes carrying hints of red but soon blended in within the skies of blue.

Two figures sat a few feet apart from the bonfire, mashing into one under the blanket to gather warmth. Their shadows elongated behind them, a dark veil against the sands on the ground. As Rafayel got closer, he started regretting it more. There she is, within the arms of another man.

The man she was leaning up against had features like the stars in the sky, with pale complexion and striking blue eyes, with hair colour that matches the theoretically coloured stars. So, that is the guy that Rafayel was in a competition with, not that Rafayel knew to begin with. But the night she got drunk, and the following days after she stopped showing up at his house, the thought surfaced in his head. But it further confirmed it now.

'I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW WHO I AM'

Rafayel stayed behind a huge rock that shields him away from the merry couple, eyes watching, heart longing for a love like theirs. The bride of his from his past life no longer related to him. He stared out towards the ocean, his vision incapable of taking in the full view of the waters.

He slowly descended into the waters, feeling the seas crawled onto his body bit by bit. He had always loved the ocean even if it tried to kill him. But losing the love of his life only meant that he looses his life as well, as his body devolved into bubbles and off he floated off the surface of the waters and taking his place within the infinite skies.

─┉┈◈◉◈┈┉

Another angst to get by another day my lovelies, I am so happy with the amount of love I am getting from all of you so I hope that this gives you guys the right amount of heart ache you guys had requested for ;)

Behind the scenes: The songs I had curated for the boys are the songs I listen to on a weekly basis if I am having mood swings, I hope this may help you to discover these underrated songs and singers :)

But ofc, the hard part for me was to think up scenarios that may match the boys' personality as always, but it also has to rhyme with the songs I am writing with. That itself put me into a writer's block and took a while to get this uploaded. But I hope it is still satisfactory for you all <3

Have a good day my loves!

#love and deepspace #love and deepspace x reader #rafayel love and deepspace #zayne love and deepspace #lnds #xavier love and deepspace #love and deepspace angst

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