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lookingforhobi · 3 years

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♡ tour ♡

TOUR (Part Two)

Summary: It was just a tour with your friends to explore Seoul. But life gave you Namjoon. Yes, Kim Namjoon, the leader of a world-renowned group BTS.

Author’s Note: This is originally planned as ONE-SHOT but some comments were asking for it. Long overdue because life happens but here it is finally! Please don’t reupload or make YT content without my permission. This is purely imagination.

Click the link for the part one on my Youtube channel

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x reader

au/genre/warning: too much heartbreak; mentions of self-harm, mental health issues; pregnancy warning, unprotected sex; aggressive

Word Count: 12.9k

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Your hands are shaking as you shuffle through the set of keys to your new apartment. This has been the biggest leap of faith you ever did so far. Well, aside from your craziness and dating Kim Namjoon! But you try your best not to think of him and remember the promise you made yourself not to reconnect with him anymore. You are here because finally you’ve gotten the offer in the University to teach- a dream that happened before you started knowing Kim Namjoon better, not just as idol but the real Kim Namjoon. You sighed when you finally open the door and immediately shut it behind you. It feels different and home sickness starts to creep in. The last time to set foot to this country was with your friends, with the goal just exploring what the place has to offer, but Seoul gave you Joon. “Here you go again with Namjoon, Y/N,” you sighed to yourself. Sometimes you wish you are in different world, in parallel universe. Maybe there, things would’ve worked out. Or maybe in another life, you’d be in the same world and life would be better. “Suck it up!” you told yourself. You can’t live in what ifs and what not’s. You’re here, now. That is what matters.

You picked up your phone and dialled your Mom’s number. Living away from home, with no friends around, in a place where your what ifs are, are kind of tough. You swallowed hard when your mom picked up. She was supportive of your dreams, but when she learned you’re going to Seoul she got worried. She knew about you and Namjoon, though confused what is the real reason of the breakup, she knew you’re in for another heartbreak once your ways intersect again.

“My sunshine, how are you? How’s the apartment? How’s your flight? Have you eaten yet?” your mom worried as ever. “I’m good, Mom. Apartment’s nice, but I haven’t unpacked yet. I just got here. The flight? Urgh, I slept before the plane takes off so…” You laughed. “that’s good. Do you have food there? At least eat something before resting. You can unpack later" You smiled at her remarks, you’re going to miss her sweet nagging and the way she babysits you sometimes. “Mom, I’m a grown-up woman. A strong independent woman. Okay? Don’t worry. I got this handled like a queen!” you chuckled. “Like me,” she added. The call run for what it feels like forever, as you talk about your goals and schedules and anything, you started unpacking your stuff. Placing the family photos carefully and making sure your apartment feels like home one way or another. You smiled seeing your friends’ photos. It was the greatest adventure that winter. It was unexpected, the events were unplanned, it left a big impact of your life..and to think about it, it is one of the reasons you decided to pursue your dreams. Partly, Namjoon pushing and keeps on bugging you to, but mainly because this is where you dreamt of settling way long before you knew BTS exist. Your fascination to South Korea, the culture, tradition, and history of the place made you fall in love, added the amount of KDramas you grew up with- being Goong on top of the list because of the historic and cultural twist of that rom-com.

“Rom Com,” you laughed to yourself. The word that got Namjoon puzzled the first time you talked about favourites. He made a lot of funny poetic thing out of those words, clearly making a big deal of flexing his brainy ass! You smiled to the memories of your dating journey. But as soon as you realised, bitterness and sadness took over again. It has been 3 years since the breakup, and you can’t still take it out of your system. You blamed yourself for being a weakling, a coward. Overly dramatic and pathetic. Well, that is what other fans told you when they found out he’s dating someone. Great thing is BigHit got to intervene before people starts digging into HER that makes Namjoon’s heart flutter and inspired. Writing the song HER in record-breaking time. You can’t bear to hear it now without crying your eyes out for days. It teared you out completely, leading to issues that needs professional help. He didn’t know about that, of course you would never say it. You ended the relationship without further explanation. You dropped it like it doesn’t matter anyway. “It was just a fling.” That was what you said. But you know clearly it was not.

Of course, it’s hard dating an idol. The moment you stepped into the airport when you left after your Seoul getaway, you knew it won’t work. You cling on to the promise that he’d make time to visit you secretly, or make sure you can come to their concerts if your schedule permits. But as life gave you Namjoon in an unexpected time, fate decided to give you the bitter reality. He missed your calls, he forgot your birthday, he’d text once a month. You tried to understand all of that. He clearly has dreams to chase, and you can’t expect him to be with you-especially with their growing popularity. All the concerts, and pressure of producing new tracks, is too much for him…and you came along. Another added stress to what is already on his shoulders. He pleaded to make it work, but you knew it won’t. The biggest part-lack of human touch. You crave for it. You needed it. You needed to be reassured, and you consider touch as your love language. And it is very impossible for two people living miles apart. Heck, worlds apart! At first, you find ways. But virtually, is nothing compared to what you’ve shared back then. The amazing touch, sounds you never knew existed, his deep voice moaning your name… You shake your head once more. “Not gonna happen again. 3 years, Y/N. He moved on. You broke the poor man’s heart because you’re weak. So let him go. Let go!” you say that every day, like a mantra that keeps you going through the whole day.

You opened your SNS to check up on your friends and update them of everything. They are already planning of visiting you. Unlike with them, they did not break Yoongi and Jimin’s hearts. They made it clear after that triple date not to get involved emotionally. They knew better, you did not listen to them, hence they named you “the hard-headed, heart-breaker”. You love their honesty though, and the way they put up with all your drama and crying and making sure you’re attending therapies. It’s not that you’ve attempted to end your life though, you just didn’t find any more reasons to do the things you used to love. You started drifting away from everyone else, shutting doors even to your mom, your blank stares , and the forgotten ways to find happiness. They were the first to notice you drifting away from life. They initiated therapy sessions, made sure you were never alone but still maintaining your independence, and still respecting your privacy and preferences. They are your lifeline. And without them here, it is a tough journey. But you know, you were never alone really. You found your ways of dealing and living with it, you know the pre-warning signs. You grew stronger through it all.

By the end of the day, your apartment is tidied up, all your stuff are organised, and you felt yourself starving. You decided to have a walk around the neighbourhood, looking for essential spots around the area. You found your way towards one convenience store, and that is when it hits you. Looking straight ahead, his face is plastered everywhere- even on drinks! You wish you could just have amnesia and forget you ever met. If you could just start over, you would not let a strange man jumped into your taxi from the airport. You sighed as you try to ignore his grin from the coffee canister. You picked Hoseok instead. Their group has gotten huge that if you meet people from the outer space, they will certainly know about them, too. The idea made you smile, and as crazy as it sounds. But that what Namjoon has always manifested- their message transcends to everyone. Not just being popular but creating an impact that could change one or two lives. Yet he clearly cannot see how one group touched millions of people, and continue touching and attracting positivity to every homes. You are so proud of what they have become. Not that you have personal history together, but because before you’re HER, you’re an ARMY first. You look back to the moments when you have been struggling and how the group manage to lift you up. Ironically, the leader became one of the reasons for your confusion and heartaches for the last 3 years. If there’s an advice you can give to your younger self- DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH AN IDOL.

Weeks by, and little by little you get to adopt and create a system of how you’re going to survive this new beginning. You have also met some friends which are so lovely, even some from your country. Luckily, when Hallyu wave is the topic, you can manage to explain the true reason of you coming to South Korea- which is their rich cultures and amazing landscapes. You’ve also visited the places on your bucket list with the guide of your friends, particularly Felix. He has been very accommodating and welcoming and would give you amazing trivia about the places. You spend a lot of time together and sometimes he’d pick you up at work. He’s a nice guy, and you’re starting to like him but you know you’re not ready for anything yet. You made that clear the first time you talked about relationship, but not revealing the identity of the reason.

Days rolled to weeks, turned to months and before you know it it’s been almost a year since you’ve moved. You have been thriving and surviving, managing to build a wall between you and all BTS-related stuff. It has been quite a struggle because they are everywhere but you were able to filter the Namjoon you dated, pretend he’s a different guy from the BTS leader. Because from what you’ve learned, he is really different from RM. Namjoon is real, RM is just a tiny speck of Namjoon.

Fate must’ve been really bored one day you went to a coffee shop after work. It was an unexpected get together with your friends when a familiar face appeared. Your heart begins to race, you feel blood draining from your face, and you hold your breath. “Seems like you’ve seen a ghost” said Ligia. You can’t speak, you just stared at Manager Sejin and Namjoon entering the café. “You said you’re not into KPop?” asked Jenna. You can’t find answers, you can’t think. All you want is to bask in Namjoon’s ethereal presence. He still has that effect on you. The photos from everywhere is nothing compared to the actual Namjoon. Photographers don’t do justice no matter how they try. The man’s beyond aesthetic. His hair, that silver hair you always compliment…and did he hit the gym? He clearly did, his shoulders… his chest…oh that veiny arms who used to wrapped around your waist. That chest you used to sleep on. You’re longing for his touch…. You sit there staring at him, not minding all the questions and commotion from your friends. Not until…

“Y/N?” His voice, his heavenly voice, waking you up from your frozen state. “Oh my. You’re here? Here, here?” he walks towards you and all hell lose. You looked at your friends and strangers looking blankly at you two. Manager Sejin manages to warn anyone not to take photos, bodyguards started coming in. But you, everything seems to be moving slowly. “Ba---” he was about to say it, as if it’s the most natural thing to say. “Nam—Namjoon. H-hi" you finally found your voice, shaky and whispered, but still manageable. You didn’t know how but your friends seemed to be nowhere. It’s just you and Namjoon now, even Manager Sejin seems to have left. “Why? How? When?” he asked. Not sure how to answer, you just shook your head. “I’m sorry. I can’t, I… I don’t know how to explain.. not now, Joonie" you whispered. He smiled but you know he’s confused as well. You stood there for what it feels like eternity. You longed to touch him, you wish you could. But reality is creeping in. If you do it, it’ll ruin your Namjoon. It’ll ruin him and the guys. You cannot afford to do that. You kept your composure and bowed, attempting to walk away. Because any second, you’d burst crying and it’ll be no turning back. Your friends will start asking questions, social media will be filled of your photos, articles will be put up, heck Dispatch has its own ways of finding even your whole information. No, you must leave now!

“Can I at least call you?” he suddenly whispered. “I deserve answers, Y/N" he begged. You looked at him, he’s devastated as well. Was he struggling for the past years too? Trying hard to hide his true emotions, putting up a show for the whole world to know he’s doing great? You nodded. “Same info", you replied. “Thank you. It’s great to see you" he bowed, too formal, too stiff. He walked away first from the back door as Sejin walked past you. You bowed to both at them as they make their way out. When they’re gone, the store reopened but you chose to go home immediately leaving your friends with all their questions and worried looks.

You turned everything off- phone, SNS, laptop…anything that could connect you to the outside world. Right now, you just wanted to be alone. Soak in your own tears and begin hating yourself again. He was few feet away, so near…yet so far. You pinched yourself to make sure you can still feel anything except the emotional pain. Any pain, anything that could divert you from the thoughts of what if’s. “fuck it!” was all you can say while opening another bottle of beer. Sometimes you question how you get so lucky that Namjoon knows your existence. Yet cursed because every move means you could destroy him. “I just wanted a normal life! Date a normal guy! Hold his hand in public! Kiss him in front of the crowd!” You started shouting, over and over until you get exhausted. Curse.

You’re woken up by loud knocking. You checked the clock and it’s 4am, you only had 30 minutes of rest and whoever this is means it’s urgent by how heavy the knocks are. You remembered turning off all your connections, your friends must have been so worried. You peeked at the door, a tall guy’s silhouette stands there. “The fuck you want? Who are you??!!” you yelled. Beer breath coming out and you’re starting to get really dizzy. “open up Y/N" he whispered. “Namjoon? How the fuck did he managed to find me? You asked yourself. “Sorry, wrong house" you answered. “You can’t fool me. Let me in, please. It’s freezing" he begged. “Fuck Namjoon, it’s 4am what the hell are you thinking?” you asked him as you opened your door. You have enough beer in your system to act brave as you face the inevitable questioning. His scent was the first you caught. And God knows how much you missed that scent. 4 years since you’ve last smell that, and it brings back all memories. But now is not the time to think about those memories. “You’ve been drinking?” he has a hint of annoyance in his voice. You chuckled “duh!”. He sighed and sit himself down. “Why are you not answering?” now he seems concerned. “Disconnected outside world" you managed to reply as you tried your best to walk straight. “Jeez, Y/N! You’re wasted. This is not clearly the time" he remarked. “Yes, Kim Namjoon. This is not our time! There will never be our time!” you hissed in anger. He froze by your reply, hurt perhaps, and you started sobbing yet again. “In another lifetime, perhaps" you cried before everything turned black.

You woke up with the worst hangover headache. Everything feels heavy, and the sunlight is not helping at all. You groaned as you roll over your bed and noticed your clothes on the floor. Sudden gush of shock rush through your system as you try your hardest to recall the events from yesterday. NAMJOON! You immediately looked for signs of Kim Namjoon in your room. Aside from clothes on the floor, you’re also wearing new set of pyjamas. “Oh no no no no no no!” you prayed nothing happened between you. It will be a disaster, and you can’t let it ruin your lives again. You quickly run towards the kitchen and notice that the bottles of beer are now neatly packed by the kitchen counter, the living room tidy and not a single evidence of mess. “Joonie?” you asked. But no answer. You can’t be dreaming. No matter how drunk you were last night, you know he was here. He was, and the note on the table confirmed it.

Took the liberty to cook you breakfast. Also have medicines for headache. Lemonade on the fridge. Answer my messages/calls.

-NJ

You asked yourself how can he act as if nothing happened? Like you didn’t break his heart and tore him to pieces? Are you that irrelevant? Worth forgiving without even asking for one? How can he move on so easily? You did this, and your suffering for it but he acts cool and pretends to be okay. You pushed the food aside and went on to get the lemonade, which another note was attached.

Food first before medicine.

You rolled your eyes. And sighed as you open your phone. Messages came flooding through. From friends, your mom, voice mails, and notifications. But above everything, an unknown number with lots of missed call logs. You debated whether to call back that number, as if you don’t have a hint of who owned this number. Like on Cue, the number begins calling you. You were startled and almost dropped your phone. Your heart racing and skipping a beat at the same time.

“Hello?” you greeted.

“Finally!” Namjoon groaned.

“Why?” you asked plainly. “Nothing. Just making sure you’re up and eating.”

“Yes, I saw the notes. Thanks" you sighed. Then followed by silence.

“I have to go. But I'll call you again" he said, and ended the call.

What’s new? You mumbled to yourself. It was like that. It started with calls like that. He was always busy, you get it. You let him be, talk to you whenever he can. You never asked directly or demanded anything from him. His free time means writing new tracks, and talking to you at the same time. You were okay with it. His voice calms you down and brings comfort. He would send surprise gifts, too, with the help of Abi and Maigne.

You decided to call your friends.

“Whattt??? He went to your apartment? What was he thinking???” Maigne freaked out. “I don’t know, I didn’t get the chance to ask.” You answered. “Y/N! You didn’t…..did you?” Abi asked with questioning look. “No!.... I don’t know! I woke up with different set of clothes” you looked down, trying to recall everything but to no avail. “You…aiissshhh!!! I don’t know. How are you though?” Maigne asked, concern taking over. You shrugged because honestly, you don’t know. “Is there…is there any news? You know, SNS?” you waited patiently as both of them tried hard not to spill the tea. “Hmm. Nothing so far. Clear from dispatch. Comeback goals…, few buzzed about Namjoon and mystery girl at a coffee shop.. nothing much.” Abi said, as she scrolls absent-mindedly through her feeds. “Yeah, same", added Maigne. They were busy scrolling that they did not catch your reaction from the last statement. “Coffee shop". “What?” they asked in unison. “That was me" you swallow painfully. “Why would you leave that detail???” Maigne asked. “I was pre-occupied with him barging in my apartment. But yeah, that is how we met.” And you filled them with all the details you can remember. They are confused as well, and have different opinions on how to deal with Namjoon. “We’ll be filing our vacation leave soon. Hang in there, okay?” Abi reassured and you smiled as you ended the video call. You didn’t bother calling your Mom about Namjoon, she’ll just worry and you know she’s had enough of you getting your heartbreak.

You let go and ignored the urge to text him again. Besides, you learned that they’re preparing for their comeback. What you need to prepare is how to answer your new friends. Of course you can’t tell the truth. “I attended couple of album signing and other events for BTS. They have very sharp memories,” you lied. They didn’t bugged you again, as it has become a norm for the fans to attend public events. Days pass and you decided to focus on your work instead of basking around the idea of Namjoon, or reaching out to him. But then you receive a message from him:

Namjoon: Can we meet?

You: Outside? IDK Namjoon. It’s all over SNS

Namjoon: I’ll pick you up. The guys wanted to see you, too.

You: Is that even a good idea?

Namjoon: They missed you

You: Should we be talking first? I don’t want them to get the idea that I’m coming back

Namjoon: ok

You know it hurt him, just as much as it hurts you. But it is for the better. They might get the wrong impression of you coming back to Namjoon’s life just because you’re here now. They might protect you, they can protect you. They have been always supportive of you and Namjoon. But the main concern here is- will you be able to protect them especially Namjoon? You’ve put him in so much stress and heartbreak already, you can’t let that happen again as much as you missed him. His image is more important than anything. It’s the best you can do.

You: you can come here. We can talk here.

You were fixing your dinner when you heard someone knocking. You are not expecting anyone, except Namjoon. You furrowed your brows, it can’t be… But when you opened the door, it is him.

“Hi. Wasn’t expecting you. I thought we’d schedule or something,” you stuttered. “Oh, did I catch you in a bad time?” he hesitated. “No, no. I just thought you’re busy. Come in,” you try your best to calm your nerves. Seeing him here, miraculously you’re sober this time, makes you want to cling yourself around his arms. Feel him, touch him. It took all your might not to do that. “I’m preparing dinner. Do you wanna…join?” you can’t hide the awkwardness, but he smiled. The most reassuring smile. “Sure,” he attempts to stand up but you signalled him not to. It’s like you’re both testing waters, trying to hold back everything. “So, how are you?”, he asked while looking at the photos on the table. You scoffed “Surviving”. He nodded and smiled a little. “You?” you asked. “Album prep’s going on nicely.” “No, Joon. Namjoon. You.” You insisted. “I like it when you call me that. And yeah, I guess I am trying to survive, too” Then silence followed. You know it’s time to talk about what happened, but you don’t want to ruin dinner. Stalling, you’re good at it. Prolonging your agony perhaps but at least you’re buying a little more time to look at him. The man who was once you called home. “Dinner’s ready. Wine?” you want to kick yourself for offering alcohol when you want to talk about serious stuff. He nodded, showing his dimples. Your favourite…one of your favourite parts of him.

Dinner was fine but awkward. He tried to lighten up the mood by talking about the new album, the past concerts, the craziness of the guys, and how they get full schedule for the whole year. You are very proud of them, how they handle everything together all at once. “How are you, Y/N?” he suddenly asked. “I told you, surviving.” You replied. He nodded. “Listen..” you inhaled deeply. He sighed; he knows it’s THE TALK you’re going to have. “I’m sorry for bailing out.” You dropped your gaze on the floor, not wanting to see how devastated he is. “I should’ve tried harder. I should’ve... I should’ve fought harder. But I just couldn’t. I had to let go,” your tears begin to pool in your eyes. Your vision becomes blurry. He didn’t move. He didn’t say anything. So, you continued, “You were the nicest guy- RM or Namjoon. And I just can’t be with you. I can’t ruin you, Joon. I won’t forgive myself if that happens. I can’t defend you. I can’t…” “please, stop” he sighed. “It’s not on you, Y/N. I was too busy I forgot about you, your needs. My promises” he sighed. “I knew it won’t work. But at least we tried?” you whispered, sobbing. “We did,” he whispered too, voice starts to crack.

Months past, you focused yourself and everything into work that you never had any chance of thinking about what happened during that night. It was all dramatic but freeing. You stopped questioning everything and decided to move forward instead of dwelling in the past. He is doing well, too. You started to follow them on SNS again, started watching their new MVs and interviews. You smile once in a while, and ironically, their new songs comfort you. You were back being ARMY. Whatever happened in the past is far behind your control and concern right now. Besides, you are an ARMY first. You also started going to the places you once visited with Namjoon. Your favourite place to unwind and de-stress is the restaurant near Han River where you went on a dinner date. It was awkward at first, memories came flushing. But every time you set foot, it becomes your comfort zone. Plus the view is really relaxing and heavenly. One hell night, you were rushing to get away from all the stress of work, you drive all the way there only to be told that the whole place is reserved for VIP visitors. To your dismay, you sighed and stayed outside for a little while. While you were about to go home, someone called your name. “Y/N? Is that you?” You turned around and you were immediately enveloped into his hug. “Oh my! It is you! Wow!” Jimin giggled. “Jimin! Hi. Um, what…you’re here?” you asked in panicked. “Yes, the boys are inside. Come!” he pulled you. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, Chim.” You said shyly. “Oh don’t worry with Namjoon. He’s cool, he’s moved on. We know.” Your heart pains by his remark. “Yeah. But… I don’t know.” You hesitated. “Just drop and say hi then I’ll let you be. I promise. We just missed you having around.” He looked at you with puppy eyes, and who would not fall for that trick? Especially coming from sweet Jimin! You sighed and you let him lead you inside. “Look who I found outside!” Jimin screamed. They all looked at you, mouth wide open. You can’t bear look at them but you turned your gaze to Namjoon. “Y/N?” he stood up and walk towards you. “H-hi. I was about to go home. You guys enjoy the night.” You bowed to them and walk away, but Namjoon caught your arm. “No, no. Stay for a while. Join us. Right guys?” he asked them and they all nodded. You caught Yoongi’s eyes and he looks at you with angry look. You move your gaze to the floor, trying to contain your tears. “Yeah, Y/N. Join us” he said plainly. You know Namjoon felt the intensity of Yoongi’s words, too, but he shook it off. You smiled a little, unsure about Yoongi’s reaction. “So, Y/N. What have you been up to? Are you staying for good? Or you gonna run again?” he asked bitterly. “Hyung. Let’s not.. please drop it” Namjoon interrupted. The guys fell silent. You inhaled sharply, you were put in a hot seat, might as well give them what they want to hear. To hell with all the inhibitions and pretentions. “Look, I messed up, big time,” you started. “Y/N, we’re good. You don’t have to explain. We’ve already talked” he whispered. “No, Joon. We talked, but they didn’t hear me. They also need to know. What happened was not just between you and I. They were affected, too. I know.” You sighed. “I messed up. You’ve been so protective of me, of us. You did everything to keep my identity away from spying eyes. You protected me in a way I can’t protect you. I… I felt useless, I felt like a hindrance. I can’t come near you because I’m too afraid to be exposed. I can’t let myself ruin your career.” You swallowed hard before continuing.. “Namjoon went through a lot, I know how it feels because I got my heart broken too, you know. But you were there to console him, you have full schedule to at least help him get off his mind from me. I have nothing. I always had you to comfort me, but when it all happen, I can’t even listen to a single song nor can’t bear to say your name. You were my comfort, and I broke you. It’s selfish. I’m sorry. I will leave you be.” You started crying hard. Not giving a fuck of what you look like in front of everyone. You let your heart out, you’re

standing there vulnerable and looking pathetic but you don’t care anymore. You wanted to scream, you wanted to say you still care but you didn’t. You didn’t want to hurt them again especially Namjoon. “You know we are ready to risk everything just to see Namjoon happy again. He was doing well. Now, you’re here again? Why?” Yoongi asked without any emotions. “They offered me a job here. I know I should’ve rejected it. It’s dumb. But don’t worry, I will not get in your way.” You answered back. “That’s not what I meant, Y/N” Yoongi softens. He looked at you and to Namjoon. “Is there a tinge of hope when you accepted the offer, that Namjoon is part of why you accepted it?” he asked. You looked at Namjoon and started sobbing again. Because yes, you knew Seoul is home. You knew he was here. You didn’t expect nor look for him, but you let fate decide. You readied yourself of the possibility of bumping into him. Namjoon was about to hug you but you stepped back. “I can’t do this. Not again. I’m sorry” you bowed and run as fast as you could. Away from them. You opened up another wound, you did this. But you also felt relief for having the chance to explain to the guys why you did what you did. It’s for the best. Hopefully.

“So, since you’ve fully admitted to be an ARMY, can we please please please attend their concerts?”, begged Ligia when they announced the concert details few months after the storm within you had settled. “Concerts? You mean not just one day?” you asked bewildered. “YES! I’ve been saving up and finally getting enough money to go worldwide!!” she exclaimed proudly. You shook your head, “I don’t know. I have to look at my schedule first.” She screamed with excitement. “No promises!” you replied laughing. You fixed your schedule the next day you went to work, great thing concerts are scheduled during weekends. The ticket selling was nerve-wracking though! All your friends-ARMY or NOT, help you buy VIP tickets for both days. But Ligia seemed to be wanting more so with her constant nagging, you both applied for soundcheck for both days as well. And life gave you what you’ve wished for- both days with soundcheck privilege. “You’re one lucky, bitch!” she screamed when you told her you got them, unluckily for her she was not chosen. “Well, it was your idea!” you laughed, “I’ll sneak a photo or video for you” you tried to console her. “Namjoon,” she replied. All of a sudden, you gasp. “What??? I said I like Namjoon. Have photos or videos of him doing Bapsae please!” she begged. The memories of your first night came rushing on you. He was indeed great in that movement. You blushed as you tried to contain the giddy feeling taking over you. “Sure,” you managed to answer with cracking voice.

The day of the concert and you and Ligia were too excited and messy all at the same time. Her enthusiasm got over you as well as you both giggle with the posters you made and the outfit you’ve chosen for each other. You were planning something comfortable but Ligia won’t drop the lace and harness the boys were wearing during the previous concerts and concepts. “I’m not sure about this. We’ll be standing, screaming, dancing and crying in these tight outfits for 2 hours!” you screamed. “As long I catch Namjoon’s glimpse, I don’t fucking care!’” she screamed harder. Namjoon, looking at other girls with these outfit. Bitterness takes over. You sighed and let go. You’re not in any position to complain. He’s heavenly, and his dark gaze would turn anyone into feelings not known even to themselves. You shake your head to dismiss another thought of him. The que is outrageous as expected! But one thing that is amazing- ARMY strangers turn into friends the moment you’re in the que. They are all friendly and giddy and for a moment you know you’re part of something big, a family, a universe. And for what it feels like forever you are glad you’re alive in this lifetime witnessing history made by BTS. Ligia decided to come early even if she’s not part of the soundcheck, she wanted to meet all the ARMYs and started distributing gift and tokens to her new found family. You smiled and waved at her when it’s time to enter the soundcheck area. Adrenalin pumping all over your system, like it’s your first time seeing them. You smiled, trying to recall the happy memories you personally experience around the guys. One by one, the guys showed up. Hyping ARMYs and the crowd goes wild. You were screaming as well, and then he saw you. Out of all the crowd, his eyes dart on you. He looked at you from head to toe, and back to your face. You suddenly stopped and bit your lips. The boys were busy saying something to ARMY but here you are locking gaze with their leader. You saw him mouth WOW while looking at you- in a black tight leather mini skirt, mesh stockings. Red lace bralette topped with black leather jacket, choker and harness all over your body. You were cursing Ligia for making you wear such outfit but seeing Namjoon’s reaction made you feel glad. He liked it, clearly. Then Hoseok went to him and bumped him, signalling they’re about to start the soundcheck. Hoseok saw you as well and waved at you with wide eyes and silly smile. Only then you heard ARMYs screaming and you’re taken back to your senses. You pinched yourself and tried not to be too obvious with what’s happening in your body every time Namjoon looks at you. He’s sending butterflies, making your heart beat faster, taking your breath away. You remembered your promise to Ligia and took the risk of getting your phone out. It is prohibited though, but you don’t care anymore. You’re doing this not just for Ligia but for memories of what is happening to you, to him, right here. Like he knows what you are doing he went near to your area, winked sending all the ARMY screaming. Then for a moment, they rested and talked. Hoseok laughed and looked at you and all the members nodded. Jimin went to talk to the producers and Yoongi talked, “Okay this is not in the setlist but guess what?” and on cue, Bapsae played! “Shit” was all you can say as they disperse taking their own places in the stage. And a tease as he is, he chose in front of you. Your eyes widened and he showed his smirk, and you swore as you almost dropped your phone. He was at it- hard and wild. Making you sweat, swallow, squirm and trying to compose yourself. You reminded yourself once again of the reasons why you both decided to stop trying. You were fine, but damn Namjoon teasing you like this. You can feel the heat on your cheeks as he dances in front of you, locking gaze subtlety. He’s enjoying this, and whatever it is you are teasing him as well biting your lips and parting them with a sigh. He laughed and shook his head when the song ended. “WOOOOOOWWW! Amazing! See you later ARMYs!!!” screamed Jungkook. And that marks the

end of soundcheck. Before they went back, he glanced at you one more. You smiled.

You were out and showing the video to Ligia when suddenly you received a text. You quickly grabbed your phone away from her just in time the pop-up notification shows.

Namjoon: Wow. Lace and leather huh?

You: Ligia made me wear it.

Namjoon: Suits you well, Y/N.

You: Stop. I’m not going for the soundcheck tomorrow anymore!

Namjoon: you got 2 days? Just my luck

You: Rest.

Namjoon: See you later.

You furrowed your brows to his last reply but dismissed it anyway. “Who was that? You’re blushing!”, exclaimed Ligia. “No one.” You quickly deleted the messages and hand her your phone, “You want to finish the video or what?” She giddily takes it and melts in her own world.

After the concert, you felt as if you’re drained. Every time a concert ends, it’s like it brings you to a state of separation anxiety where you don’t know what else to do except re-live every moment. It goes like that all the time. You hang in there till the next time you get to hype with them, and longing starts to creep in. They were beyond amazing tonight, setting standards for concerts to the highest. Ligia was so happy and can’t stop talking about them, now confused more than ever between who her real bias is. “So, who’s your bias? I was too focused and I lost count how many times I swerve lanes tonight!” she exclaimed on your way to your apartment. “I don’t have one,” you answered honestly. “They all hit you in different ways, you know? So I threw that bias list and hype up to whoever that gives me the most feels in different situations.” She nodded. “So glad I was able to see them live. We’re lucky” she remarked. Yes, you are. And to your luck, you noticed a car parked outside your building. Great thing Ligia lives on the other building so you went separate ways. “See you tomorrow! And be sure to wear the outfit we’ve chosen or else..!” she bids as she runs to her building. Your eyes started to linger on the car parked. You don’t want to get your hopes up but who would park there with an unreleased Hyundai Palisade?

You dismissed the thought and continue walking towards your door.

Namjoon: 2 minutes

You ignored the message and decided to reply later as you settled in your couch to rest. But your rest was disturbed at exactly 2 minutes. When you opened the door, Namjoon entered quickly, looking back if someone saw him. “Shit, took you so long to go home,” he remarked. “Are you insane? Why are you here, Namjoon! Fuck, there are people outside! You’re trying to get Dispatch expose you, huh?” He laughed and sighed, basking in the sight of you and your concert outfit. Suddenly you became aware of what you have done to him. “No. Hey, this is fun. But Namjoon, we talked about this.” You tried to calm yourself but your voice is failing you, cracking because of how intense he looks at you. “Why did you go to the concert?” he asked. “I’m an ARMY and I missed seeing you perform.” He chuckled. “I- I mean all of you. Pft, not you alone! You know.. you and the boys, and..” you are shaking under his gaze. “Yeah, and why dressed like that? You know you’re attending soundcheck and it’s not crowded” he whispered. You swear his low, dark voice, would be your death. “Ligia’s fault.” “Hmm” he replied and walk closer to you. You tried to walk back, you really need to walk away. This is going to be messy and you made mental note of how this would ruin you and his career. You know better, you have to. But your body froze, your heart beats fast, your breath shallow in anticipation. The butterflies went swirling and your heart just keeps on failing you. You blame your hormones for being too wild tonight, for letting it take over the moment your eyes lock during soundcheck. The intense gaze while dancing, the memories of you having wild sex that winter. The urge, painful urge of longing for his touch. The feelings are all too overwhelming. He feels it, too. That is why he is here, risking everything just to see you. It’s not lust, it’s not just mere body craving. It’s the longing you both have been trying to contain. You both tried ignoring it when he went for closure. You know how much he strained himself not to touch you, kiss you. But tonight, all of the what if’s and risks are slowly fading. You crave for him. God knows how much you miss caressing his silky hair, kissing his soft velvety lips, playfully poking his dimples. Seems like he can read your mind, he sighed. “Y/N,” he whispered and touch his forehead to yours. “what are you doing to me?” “Joonie, I think…” you can’t finish your sentence. You just want to grab him and kiss him like it’s your last day on earth. “Baby, I want you back” he whispered, longing voice, almost begging. “I need you, Y/N. I need my yellow. When you left, I struggled a lot. I am good at hiding, but this time, seeing you here. I am willing to take the risk. Please, come back” he hugged you tight you can feel his heart beating fast. “Namjoon, we’ve talked about this. It’s a big risk for you and the whole group” you cannot deny the fact that you wanted him, too. You wanted him and willing to do whatever it takes, but what if you ruin his image? The group worked hard to where they are now. You can’t just take it away from them just because you are deeply in love with their leader. “We are all adults, we are humans. We are not perfect just as the society wants us to be. We need love, too” he whispered. You melted, like a butter your heart melts away. Who are you to deprive the love Namjoon deserves? Who are you to take his yellow away? You are coward, and you’re making him look pathetic to be begging for you. “Baby, I want to. You know how much I love you. But what if…” he didn’t let you finish. You admitted that you’re still in love with him through these years is enough for him. He slowly dip his face towards you, inch by inch you can clearly see him brightening, gaining his own beam of light. He loves you, you love him.

Whatever it takes, you throw all your worries away. You kissed him. You let your love and adoration to Kim Namjoon take over. The kiss was surprisingly slow, no rush despite the years of being apart. You take it all in, passion and pure ecstasy. His lips as soft as ever, his hands caress your back delicately as if afraid this is not real. It’s like your hand has a mind of its own, you caress his soft silver hair. His hands travels from your back to your waist and before you know it, he’s carrying you to the couch. You sit on his lap, aware of all that is happening inside his trousers and the heat building up between you. You need to feel him, you want him so bad you deepened the kiss. His tongue gently asking for permission, and you let him in. Soft moans and gasps are all you can hear in the silent living room. Before you could go any further, you break it. “Why?” he whispered. “You still have concert for tomorrow, Baby. And as much as I want you to spend the night here, I do. God, I really do. But I want to-“ “Let’s take things slow” he finished. He smiled sincerely and kiss you again, more passionate than ever. You nodded and he pulled you into a tight hug. “Oh how much I miss you, Y/N. I don’t want to let go.” He chuckled. “Me, too. So much that it hurts. But for now, you are RM. And as RM, you have to be at your 101% tomorrow. Today, you’ve been so rough and full of energy. I don’t want to have that energy all to myself tonight.” You teased. “But what about your outfit? I wanna ruin it, rip it off. Replace that choker with my hands” he whispered. “I love that. But not today” you teased back. He grunted but brings you into a tight hug. “So this means, you’re mine. Right?” he asked. “Silly! I am always yours, Kim Namjoon. Always.” You kissed him once more, savouring the feeling of being enveloped into the arms of your man once more. You were enjoying the comfiest hug when his phone buzzed. He answered but still holding you close. “Yes. I’m here at Y/N’s apartment. Shut up! No, I’m going back later. Let me fucking enjoy my girlfriend, Hoseok! STOP CALLING ME!” he laughed as he ended the call. “What was that?” you asked. “He keeps on asking if I’m coming home tonight or if I want to meet them at the stadium tomorrow instead” he chuckled. “Hoseok and his cuteness!” you giggled. “They missed you, you know. They saw you today, and they keep on bugging me to bring you there” he looked at you, asking for permission. “I missed them, too. But we’ll work it out. After what happened to Yoongi, I don’t know if I’m even welcome anymore,” you admitted. “Hey. Babe, it’s fine. When you left that night, we had discussions. They fully understand now. He even asked about you today. He saw you, too” he explained. “And…?” you bit your lips, bracing for a heart-break. “He wants to make up. So please come with me after the concert tomorrow?” he showed his dimples, acting cutely. “What if someone sees me?” you are worried and questions are starting to pile up again. “We got it covered, just like the old times. Besides, we’re adults. We’re all going to date one day, it just so happens that I got you first” he chuckled. You rolled your eyes on him, setting your head on his broad chest. “You’ve gotten big” you teased. “Wait till I show you. Now?” he whispered. “Not today” you laughed.

Your next concert outfit was the complete opposite of yesterday. You choose to wear BT21 pyjamas, complete with headband and other accessories. Since Ligia is wearing Koya, you chose to wear Chimmy. When Namjoon saw you at the soundcheck, he can’t stop laughing and even pointed it to Jimin, to which he almost rolls on the floor with too much laughing. It was fun seeing them doing the things they love, and seeing Namjoon so happy today. Others also noticed it by the amount of SNS updates of how he was looking so fine today and his dimples deeper than ever. To your surprise, they change some of the song line up for day 2. They added Outro: Her. You have mixed emotions over that song. The song he has written for you in under 20 minutes. You were on the phone then, and suddenly he interrupted you. “Wait, baby. I have something… stay on the line” The next thing you know, he was singing. His vocals that soothe you, and the sweet humming while he tries to put it all together. When it was complete, he let you hear it. “You’re the first to hear this demo. My HER” he said excitedly. “Also, your tear?” you asked sweetly. He chuckled, “yeah, my start and end”.

And now, hearing it after the breakup and now reconciliation, it hits you. All to different places but most importantly in your heart. He is so sincere and innocent and pure, and your heart swells with pride. Kim Namjoon, the philosopher, all yours. You look at him while he’s singing on the stage and it seems like he’s looking for someone- YOU. You were in barricade, so you are very near the stage. You screamed so loud even Ligia was startled. “KIM NAMJOON! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! I WOULD NEVER HURT YOU!” And just like that, he saw you. He beamed and went to you, continue singing. To others, it may seem normal as the boys usually do that-even to the point of taking videos of themselves using ARMYs phone. But to you, it’s different, it is special. He sit, looking at you while singing. You stood there, calmly crying while Ligia’s looking at you then Namjoon then back to you, while her eyes wide open and mouth dropping. It hits her. She knew. But you don’t care anymore. You only cared about Namjoon. Your universe. When the song ended, they did their ending spiel. One by one they thank ARMY for two amazing nights and promising to see ARMYs again. They are set for world tour and you brace yourself for another rollercoaster ride.

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?” Ligia shouted after the concert ended. “What was what?” you pretended to know nothing. “The fuck! Tell me the truth! How’d you know Namjoon? First the coffee shop, then random texts, and now HER?” Ligia interrogated. “You have to stop reading fanfictions! Jeez!” you tried to shake it off by laughing at her reaction. “Oh don’t give me that shit, Y/N! Truth, now” she demanded. “Look, I am so tired. Can we talk about this tomorrow?” you smiled reassuringly. “You were flirting with him on the stage! And..” she gasp. “What?” You look at where Ligia is looking. “Babe,” Namjoon called you, walking towards you. “What is happening. I’m going to pass out! You… he..” she can’t finish her sentence. “What in the world, Namjoon?” you scolded him in front of your frozen friend. “It’s taking too long. I had to steal you away from…?” Namjoon looked at Ligia. “L-Ligia” she answered like she’s under a spell. “That’s enough drooling over my man, Ligia” you jokingly warned. “What the fuck, you traitor! He’s my bias!” she said jokingly but internally screaming. “What about you two get in the car before dispatch comes here?” Namjoon whispered. You pulled Ligia with you, who is clearly still in shocked. You were both greeted by the security, no other BTS members. They must have been too tired or having after party. “Where to?” asked one bodyguard. “The restaurant near Han River please” Namjoon replied, enveloping you into tight hug and kissing you on your forehead. Ligia shriek by Namjoon’s gesture. “So.. you two? If you don’t mind me asking?” interrogated Ligia. The security answered, “All information about personal life of BTS members must be kept in private. Should there be breached with the member’s personal life, please know that you are held liable and may be called to address in the court.” “Holy shit. That strict huh?” Ligia replied. You and Namjoon chuckled, and the body guard cleared his throat. “You’re in this mess, girl. Sorry” you laughed. “I still have a lot of questions though” she insisted. You shook your head and smiled. “Shit, I should’ve went straight to my apartment!” she sighed. “I trust you. But by this time, Bighit might have your information. Shhh. So” you joked around. “For fucking real? I don’t want my visa to be revoked over this relationship.” She laughed. “We’re kidding. And yes, Y/N is my girlfriend” Namjoon answered. “Lucky you! I might start crying now” she replied, literally teary-eyed. “Hey, I’m not gonna take your bias-RM, away. Kim Namjoon is mine, RM is for all ARMY” you replied. He tightened his hug around you, “I think I’m the lucky one.” He kissed you in the forehead once again.

The dinner went well, with Ligia talking and asking about how cool being the biggest boy band right now, the groups plan for the future, and keeps praising them and thanking them for all the music and inspiration they give to everyone. Namjoon feeds her with details about the preparation from the concerts while subtly keeping his hands tightly wrapped around your waist. He doesn’t want to be rude but you know he wants to rest now. When Ligia run out of things to say, she finally retreats. “so, how am I going home now?” she chuckled. “We’ll drop you off your apartment.” Replied the bodyguard. “What about you, Y/N?” she asked. “Oh she’s coming with me.” Namjoon replied casually. Her eyes wide and smirked, “oh..” You shake your head with her reaction. “Seems like you both are ready to bed, wearing pyjamas at concerts.” Namjoon chuckled.

After dropping Ligia, you went to your apartment to get some stuff. You decided to visit the boys and celebrate with them before they go to intense rehearsals for their upcoming world tour. They’re going to the US for couple of months and you have decided to stay rather than go with them, besides work needs you here and you haven’t had time to file your leave. You’re okay with it. You have manage more than a year without seeing each other, what is months compared to it. At least now, you know he’s just literally around the corner when they’re back home.

The boys greeted you one by one. They are as welcoming as ever, and unlike the previous encounter at the restaurant, Yoongi came in hugging you and ruffling your hair. “Welcome home, Y/N” he said. “Oh Yoongi, I missed you. Sorry about-“ he didn’t let you finish. “Let’s forget about it. It’s done. We’ll start anew!” He pulled you in and you settled beside Namjoon as they set up their table for after party. “Oh shit, we have VLive schedule! We promised ARMY!” reminded Jin. “Oh okay, no worries. I’ll leave you guys alone. Will just roam around Namjoon’s room” you said goodbye to them and settle in his room, opening your Vlive as if you’re not in the same house with them. When they started the live feed, you noticed your bag near Namjoon. “Shit!!! ARMY eyes!” you immediately texted him informing about the bag. He stood up and clumsily took your bag away. Comments came rushing on VLive asking about the bag and Jin trying to find a perfect excuse. “I am fond of bags” Hoseok saved him. “You want to see what’s inside my bag? Maybe I’ll do that on the next VLive.” He added. Namjoon came running inside, giving you your bag. “I’m sorry” you lowered your gaze. “Hey, it’s all good, Baby. Just an excuse to kiss you, I’ve been dying to kiss you!” He kissed you passionately until you hear the boys shouting for Namjoon. He immediately ran out, hair dishevelled and Taehyung almost choke laughing. “Hyung, your hair. A mess! You must’ve-” the boys cut him out and he realized he almost spilled the tea. They all laughed and being silly talking about everything they love about ARMY, the concert, and how excited they are for the upcoming world tour. They promised to go on live during their breaks and will go home as soon as it’s over. “We know you will be waiting for us, we will come back as soon as possible!” Namjoon promised. “In an instant, yeah hyung?” teased Taehyung once more, sending Namjoon blushing, and his eyes nowhere to be found. “Gosh, these guys” you laughed.

After the VLive ended, you went out and joined them to their after-party. He couldn’t take his hands off of you, drawing circles on your lower back. They are already getting drunk- Hoseok turning into tomato red, Seokjin louder than ever, Yoongi being savage but turns out he is really funny, Jimin can’t barely open his eyes from too much laughing, Jungkook dozing off, Taehyung started to sing every song on their new album, and your man whispering how excited he is to be finally introducing you to his family. You almost choke at his plan. Meeting his family is a big deal especially in their culture. You can’t just bring someone without being sure of your future with her. “You’re probably just drunk. Come on, let’s go!” you tried to pull him up but his stronger. He pulled you on his lap and start kissing you. “So this is what were witnessing every day?” Taehyung remarked. “Hmm mmm” Namjoon replied, mouth still exploring yours. “AISSHHH! Get a room!” Yoongi shouted. “That’s hot!” remarked Hoseok. “Oh my god! Stop! I’m getting turned on!” joked Jimin. You laughed and tried to push Namjoon away but he deepened the kiss. “Show off! Just clean up after your mess. Not a single drop in the our common area!” Seokjin exclaimed. “Baby-stop” you managed to finally free yourself from Namjoon. He laughed and you can now clearly see the expressions of the members. They have their phone on both of you, probably taking photos and videos for blackmailing. “Stop it, you guys!” you said embarrassed. You covered your face and they all laughed. “We’re just happy you are finally here, Y/N. Really. Namjoon’s glowing again. And he’s writing tracks more than ever” Hoseok commented. “I’m never leaving. I’m here to stay” you reassured them. “You’re gonna live here? Great! But I’m serious about the rule- if you’re going to do it in all common areas, please clean up” Seokjin commented. “No! Just learn how to knock in my room and even my studio, especially you Jimin and Jungkook” Namjoon replied. They both nodded, and the night ended with more laughter and more beer.

You woke up with a very bad headache and it took you minutes to make up where you are. Too many KAWS figures, bonsai plants, paintings… “Namjoon?” you immediately called out his name but he’s nowhere to be found. You went out and the boys greeted you, the living room smells like pancake and the maknaes running around chasing after the last banana milk that Jimin is holding. “Where’s Joonie?” you asked Jin while helping him prepare the table for breakfast. “RKive I think” he replied. You went there and smile at the sight of your man. Brows furrowed, lips plumped, he’s clearly in the zone of making another track he didn’t even noticed you walked in. “Baby, do you want to have your breakfast here?” you politely asked, trying not to disturbed him. “Oh, sorry I didn’t notice you, babe. Good morning, sunshine!” he enveloped you into tight hug and kissed your forehead. “What are you up to?” you asked, noticing the emptied coffee cups on his desk. “Working on new tracks. There are so much to do, I don’t want to miss the ideas that came rushing this morning” he pulled you into his lap and wrapped your arms around your waist. “Breakfast first, please? I don’t want you get sick especially you’re going away” you pouted. “Hmm, what about dessert first?” he whispered. You furrowed your brows, not sure if you have the same meaning of dessert. “What dessert?” you innocently asked. He pointed at his groin, which you notice a big tent. “Oh, need help with that?” you replied playfully. He winked and in an instant you pulled yourself up from his lap, turned his chair around and dropped on your knees. “Fuck,” he chuckled while quickly letting his fleece shorts drop. You are still amaze by the sight of Namjoon’s huge dick despite having to ride it many times before. The years without him, you haven’t forgot this amazing view and you’d relive it a million times. But right here, right now, you can’t help but be thankful of following your heart rather than living in what if’s. “Are you just gonna stare at it?” he chuckled. “You’re a god.” You managed to reply before slowly running your tongue along his shaft. You could hear his deep moans. He grabbed your hair to have better view of how you beautifully you suck his dick. You take it all in, tasting his sweet-salty precum. You circled you tongue on his tip, gently running from side to side, trying your best to please your man. “Fuck, Y/N. You’re so fucking hot!” he managed to say in between his gripped teeth. Jaw clenching, and clearly trying not to go deeper to hurt you, you gathered all the courage and deep swallowed him whole until you can feel it at the back of your throat. His eyes were wide and he tightened his grip on your head “Shit baby! You’ve been a practicing?” he has a tinge of annoyance in his voice. You’re taken back to that night when you first had sex, it was still new to you. “hmm” you replied, sending the vibrations to every inch of his thick manhood. You let go for a second to catch your breath. “No, sir. It was you, only you!” And that’s the truth. No matter how intense your longing for him or any human touch, you’ve never bed a guy even after your break up. You can’t think of sucking other dicks except Namjoon’s. “Such a good girl,” he managed to reply before you started sucking him again. Namjoon’s moan is all you can ever hear in his studio and you start bobbing your head faster, determined to make him cum in your mouth. “Shit baby. I’m cumming… fuck.. Y/N ahh” he filled your mouth with his warm, heavenly juice. You looked at him and swallowed, making sure no drip on the carpet. You suck him clean! “Fuck that is so freaking hot!” he exclaimed while guiding you back to his lap. “Your turn, baby” he whispered. You bit your lips and gently shook your head. “What? Why? I want to make you feel good.” He pleaded. “Tonight, my love. You have full access” you teased and bit his earlobe. He groaned and laughed, pulling you closer to him.

You went out after Jin keeps on knocking, telling the food is getting cold. They were all shocked and started laughing when you emerge. “What the hell are you laughing at?” Namjoon answered. “You realized your door was not closed yeah?” Hoseok exclaimed, chuckling. You buried your self in Namjoon’s back in embarrassment, prayed that a UFO is real and that they’ll suck you up any second now. “Shit sorry” chuckled Namjoon. “Pft, it’s alright. It’s not like Hoseok has been silent during sex, too” Taehyung respond. “Hoseok?” you looked at his innocent smile. “Shut up, Taehyung. It was a one-night stand!” he yelled back laughing. You shake your head over their mischievousness, somewhat it comforts you. They are adults, indeed. And they need skin ship, too, like everyone else. Sometimes, seeing them playfully talk about adult stuff and just being their own selves inside their house makes me feel like they have another persona. Being an idol must’ve been tiring, especially they started too young, and society has been very keen to each move they make. You settled down and joined them for breakfast, thinking about how lucky you are to be spending these days with them.

World tour preparation was tiring, even for you. You decided to go home that night but Namjoon asked you to come back. “I really wanted to make up to you, spend the days here before we go for the tour. Please, baby?” he whispered with his cute little puppy eyes. You can’t help but say yes to his cuteness. He giggled like a playful kid before calling the security to drive you up in your apartment and pick few clothes and stuff. On your way back, you decided to buy the boys some ice cream cake and banana milk. It’s a small gesture as a thank you gift for welcoming you again in their home and being so supportive of you and Namjoon. Jimin yelp in joy when he saw the ice cream cake, and Jungkook immediately take the banana milk, carefully labelling each for the members. Jin continues to impress you with his cooking skills, making you feel embarrass for not cooking deliciously as he does. “Aish, Y/N! You will learn through the years. Even if you and Namjoon get married, you will still be with us so I can teach you all the cooking skills!” he said proudly. You blushed at the thought of you and Namjoon and marriage, but it’s too early to tell. You’re still starting over, testing waters,, though you are quite sure you can see him in your future. You noticed him missing again, while the guys are gathered up for a movie marathon. And then suddenly, Vlive notified you that BTS is live. You opened the notification and you see him showing off his new collections in his studio. You smiled proudly as he talks about the future plans of BTS and the new tracks he’s working on. Somewhere though, in the middle of his VLive he showed a pair of baby shoes. He said it’s for his collection, accessory of some sort. The tiny brown baby shoes! “Wooopppss, someone’s planning for the future.” Laughed Taehyung. “Oh my, you’re pregnant Y/N????” asked Jimin. “NO! no no no no no! Oh my god no!” you said blushing. “You can tell us. Are we going to be fathers?” insisted Hoseok. “No….I don’t know. No!” you said laughing. It is impossible, you haven’t had sex yet. But of course, you can’t say that to them, a little privacy is precious especially living with them. You immediately sent him a message:

You: Kim Namjoon, are you out of your fucking mind? The boys are grilling me now asking if THEY ARE GOING TO BE FATHERS?! WTH does that even mean?

You saw him on Vlive reading something and he laughed. You are not sure if he’s reading vlive comments or he’s reading your message. Either way, you have forgiven him for such silliness, especially seeing him how he brightens up when he showed the baby shoes. One day, someday, Joonie you promised yourself. When the VLive ended, you stared at him trying to look mad. He laughed and scooped you from your sit, twirling you around before sitting and putting you on his lap. You saw Taehyung grinning as if thinking of mischievous things. “So, baby shoes huh?” he started. “Taehyung, stop. I am not pregnant” you laughed. “Well, not for now.” He replied making you shake your head. “When that time comes, we will let you know, Tae” Namjoon reassured, “But for now, Y/N are going to bed. Might as well you guys too. Long day ahead tomorrow. Meeting with Bang PDnim and the tour team.” He added. The guys all had mischievous smiles as they say their goodnights to you.

“Urgh today’s tiring, and I missed you!” he whined. “I was just out to get my stuff, you missed me already? What will happen to you when you’re in tour?” you asked. “Come with me?” His question came as a surprise. “Baby you know I can’t do that. People will start to wonder.”

“But what if Bighit hires you?” he insisted. “As what? Translator? You already know English. You’ve been doing it since then.” You laughed at the idea of being their translator. “No, no, baby. You’re needed. I’ll talk to Bang and-“you didn’t let him finish. You put one finger on his mouth to make him drop the topic. “Baby, I’m okay with my work now. And if you ask Bang PDnim, he might refuse. Code of conduct, all the policies..you know.” You sighed. “But you’re my girlfriend before they hire you, so technically we didn’t breach employee policies?” His being a smart-ass on this one, he has a point though. “I would love to stay by your side all the time, but it will look like a huge favour and special treatment especially I am your girlfriend” you insisted. “Just please try?” he kissed your forehead. He’s not going to drop this of until you sighed and nodded. He smiled sweetly and kissed you. It was a sweet, passionate kiss at first but the moment you hold unto his neck, you can feel the heat throughout your body. It’s been too long, way too long, that you’ve been wanting to feel him. You cannot hold on any longer so you deepened the kiss. You heard him let out a moan, a cue that he wants what you want as well. Tongues teasing, lip-biting. His hands roamed around your body, tightened his grip on your waist and gently laid you on the bed. “Lock the door!” you reminded him. He jumped as quickly, almost tripping which made you giggle at his clumsiness, and in less than 5 seconds he’s back on top of you. “Oh finally! All mine!” he whispered, almost ripping his shirt as he struggled to get off. You can feel your core getting hot, with every kiss and touch. He bites your lips teasingly, making you moan. You deepened the kiss getting as aggressive as he is. He found your sweet spot on your neck, sucking and biting, leaving marks as he goes down to the curves of your breast. He removes your dress in one swift motion, leaving you in your lace bra and panties. His gaze turning dark as he roams his eyes through your breast down to your core. “So fucking gorgeous! And all mine!” he whispered as he licks your cleavage making you tighten your grip on his hair. “and fucking taste good, too" he added. You prepared for this night, wearing a front-lock red brassiere that screams fuck me daddy. “Strip for me", he commanded. “Hmm, all bossy are we?” you teased. “Do it or you’re not gonna have any of this" he grinned while removing his boxers. His dick hard, reddish, and ready. You bit your lips and stood up. “Don’t make a move, don’t dare touch yourself “ you commanded. Two can play this game, you thought. He grinned and positioned himself on the bed frame. You slowly pull one strap, so slow he groaned. You are basically eye-fucking him, if there’s even a thing. To his surprise, you started slow dancing as you unlock your bra. Throwing it in front of him. You can hear him groaning and trying hard not to touch himself with your own little show. “Fuck, baby. I can’t wait to slide my cock on that” he growled. “hmmm I’d love that. Can’t wait to feel the friction here…” you touched your nipples and slowly caress your breast. You glide your hands on your stomach, “and here, too. Your hot mouth sucking, biting…” You slowly, soooo slowly, shake your hips to get out of your lace underwear, “your tongue, fingers, and your hard cock here" you were about to touch your self but he grabbed you, spinning you around, dropping you on the mattress. You moaned by his aggressiveness and eagerness. “Oh Baby, can’t wait to fuck you hard, you’ll be sore for days!” he whispered as he playfully bite your nipple. “oh shit, Joon!” you moaned. You can feel your core dripping. You needed some friction. You started grinding getting ready to take whatever Namjoon’s going to offer. “Look at you so needy" he suck your breast so hard you know it’ll leave marks and bruises the next day. You tried pulling him, scratching his porcelain skin. “Baby, pleasssee" you beg. “Say it. What do you want, Princess?” he grinned. “touch me! Fuck Namjoon. Or…or thighs! Friction. Now!” you

almost scream. He chuckled and pulled you, making you sit on one of his thigh. “You asked for thigh. Thigh is all you get" You take it, whatever that could satisfy your longing. You grind, not minding the mess and juice scattered on his precious well-tone thigh. “fuck, I can feel your wetness! You’re wild!” he chuckled. “shut up, suck me" you guided his head on your neck. You want him to leave marks all over your body, a mark that signs you’re his and he’s yours. And he did. You moaned by the intensity of each bite, but it’s not enough. “fuck me, baby. Hard" You’re almost begging. “thought you’d never ask" he replied.

He guides you and you slowly sink into his long, thick, hot rod. Your wetness helping you both settle, adjusting to each other. “shit your tight. And wet..god Y/N” he moaned. With each grunt and moan and sucking he does, it gives you more courage to be rough at him, too. You started circling your hips, and he let’s you do as you please. He tightens his grips into your waist and pumps you until you both find your rhythm. “baby, I'm cumming" you bite his shoulder to muffle your own moan. “Go ahead, baby. Cum for me. You’re a hot mess and fuck I love you so much!” he continued going deeper and deeper until you reach your high. “Turn around, hold here" he guides your hands to the bed frame and lifts your butt, slapping it before sinking in real deep. “fuck Namjoon!” you yelped with the sudden sting, but it feels you nice you have to ask again. He circled his hips, hard and deep, one hand on your waist and the other in your boob. Too much sensation, overwhelming and with every thrust you can hear the bed frame creaking. You had to try not to scream with each thrust, so you suck on Namjoon's finger instead, biting it at the process but he didn’t care. He’s too focus riding you and making sure you hear his praises about you and moaning your name. “baby, where do you---" you didn’t let him finish his question, you tightened your walls around him making him moan louder “inside!” you replied. You reach your high at the same time, moaning each other’s name. He gently pressed and massage your navel as you come to stop, making you feel good as you both calm down. “Wow baby!” he chuckled as you both collapse to the bed. He flips you over and kissed your forehead, then your lips. As sweetly, passionately, and heavenly. “I love you, Y/N” he whispered on your lips. “I love you, my Namjoon" you replied, making him blush.

“I missed fucking you that hard,” he chuckled, as you both catch your breaths. “We have all the time, baby!” you responded, enveloped in his arms. “But… how are we going to explain the ripped sheets?” you added. “We might need to stock up linens here from now on,” he replied.

After cleaning up, he went out to look for fresh linens. Luckily, the guys are all asleep now, more like you prayed they’re really asleep now, realizing how hard and loud he made you cum. “Baby, please consider joining us in our tour? Even just this leg? I can’t bear a day without you..not again?” he whispered when you’re both settling to sleep. “I promise. I’ll take a vacation leave and if it’s approved, I’ll come. Don’t get your hopes up just yet. I’m not going to drop my work; I’ll just try being your translator for this leg.” He made a cute face, the one that his dimples are showing, eyes closed, and then getting shy right after. Your heart melts every time he does that and wonder how lucky you are to have him in your life. Yes, you are never going to let go. Not anymore. He deserves the world, he deserves someone who he can share the real Namjoon with, someone who will be his shoulder through ups and downs. Someone who can accept all the flaws and cons of dating someone like him. You are ready to fight for him, against all odds. You are ready to give your life to Kim Namjoon.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Author's note: Planned to end it here but I guess I'll be making Part Three soon 😂🤷‍♀️

#kim namjoon #namjoon x reader #namjoon imagine #RM #BTS #Namjoon #bts imagine #bts smut #bts ff #bts fanfic #thirsty fic #bts rm

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emmelineparker308 · 4 years

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Father Dearest Part 4

Fandom: Harry Potter: Golden Trio Era Pairing: Harry Potter x reader Summary: Your third year at Hogwarts is about to start and with it come a lot of new changes. Harry, your best friend and crush, is in trouble from some man named Sirius Black. You try desperately to keep Harry safe but what happens when you find out some heartbreaking, mind shattering information about your father? Warnings: angst, long writing lol! A/N: Enjoy! Please like and reblog if you like it!!

“Did you hear about what happened to (Y/L/N) during DADA?”

“Oh my god, do you think that she is being abused at home?”

“I knew it, I knew that there was something off about her.”

These were the whispers that followed you around for the rest of the week. Harry, Ron and Hermione would throw a dirty look at anyone that even dared to look at you wrong and maybe due to that, and the fact that other more threatening news was flooding Hogwarts, the incident that occurred in the DADA class was forgotten from almost everyone’s mind.

The only thing you had been looking forward to after Moony’s class was Hagrid’s first lesson. Looking forward to it seems to be too happy a phrase to use. You had heard from Fred and George who already had their Care for Magical Creatures class that Hagrid had them caring for some crazy dangerous creatures. In fact, most of the castle was muttering about Hagrid’s lessons and you were apprehensive of what monstrous creature Hagrid would introduce to your lot. To make matters worse the Gryffindors were paired with the Slytherins for Magical Creatures. After the encounter in Lupin’s class Malfoy had been a bit more reserved in talking back in class but you were sure his tongue was going to wag in Hagrid’s class. As you made your way down to Hagrid’s hut you found that the Slytherin Prince was already there, barking all sorts of rubbish that is puny crew was lapping up. Pansy Parkinson, a toad of a girl, was hanging on every word that drew from his lips.

“Wait till my father hears about this, that Dumbledore’s got this oaf teaching class. Honestly this whole school is going to hell,” he stated disgustingly as Hagrid was fixing something up in his garden. Harry who heard the remark turned around fuming, you had to grip his arm and hold him back before he launched himself a Malfoy.

“What is it Potter? Got something to say?” he taunted Harry.

“Last I checked your father was sacked from being a governor of Hogwarts after threatening the other governors. So, having your now unemployed father hear about the news of Hagrid’s post doesn’t really carry that much weight,” you recounted as the gryffindors sniggered and Malfoy turned red. You knew that the Malfoy’s were rich beyond measure and that his father technically didn’t need a job to survive, however it still managed to bruise Malfoy’s ego.

“At least I have a father, what was it that the boggart said? Right, ‘You’re scum, and I never wanted you’,” Malfoy stated smirking at the effect those words had on you. You froze up beside Harry, and Harry seizing the chance of you letting go of his arm grabbed his wand and threw a spell at Malfoy.

Malfoy was about to retaliate when Hagrid came walking towards you booming, “What’s goin on ‘ere? You lot be’er not be causin’ ‘rouble ‘his early in.” Hagrid lead you into a clearing at the edge of the forest and went on to explain what the lesson was for today.

You who had been beaming at him to show your support felt a pricking sensation in the back of your head. It was a sensation you had grown accustomed to over the past summer, a feeling of being watched. You didn’t know what it was but the past summer when you were taking your nighttime walks or when you were running errands for Remus on the weeks of the full moon you would feel this weird sensation. Nothing ever came of it, you would turn around constantly, checking your surroundings yet you would find nothing, no one was watching you. You didn’t want to alarm Remus, who (you were sure) would lock you up in the house all summer had you disclosed this information to him.

The feeling stopped the last few weeks of summer vacation, you were sure that due to all the excitement and busyness of packing up for Hogwarts you mind simply didn’t have time to make you feel uneasy. However, the feeling was back, you instinctively turned around, you were met with nothing but trees and shrubs. There was a slight rustling of a shrub but just then a sudden breeze had started from nowhere and you heard Harry scream. When you turned your attention back to the class you saw Harry riding on a Hippogriff. Had Harry not looked like he was going to vomit, the site would have been majestic. You knew all about the hippogriffs having stumbled across an old Care for Magical Creatures textbook of Moony’s. You were slightly jealous that Harry got to ride one, and even more impressed at Hagrid for not showing a dangerous creature. Sure, the Hippogriffs may look intimidating, and yes they can cause serious harm but that’s only if you were daft enough to disrespect them.

As Harry touched down, you along with the rest of the Gryffindors cheered. Harry was placed back onto the ground by Hagrid and you were about to get his attention to ask for a ride yourself when Malfoy pushed you out of the way. Thankfully, Dean was able to catch you before you met the floor. “Yeah, you’re not scary at all are you, you big chicken,” you heard Malfoy confidently strut to the Hippogriff. Before any of you could stop it, Malfoy was attacked, and Hagrid was fussing over him saying that Malfoy would be fine. It took ‘Mione and you to scream that Malfoy needs to go to the hospital wing for Hagrid to snap out of his panic and carry the oaf who was now moaning in pain. Dean who had been holding you still, let go of you almost as if you were made of hot iron and apologized under his breath and sprinted to catch up with Seamus.

You were about to yell out thank to Dean for catching you when you turned around and realized the reason for Dean’s sudden odd behavior. Harry was still watching Dean with an emotion that you were not able to place filling the green irises that you were so familiar with.

“How much trouble do you reckon Hagrid’s gonna be in?” Ron asked as you all made your way towards the castle.

“I don’t know. Knowing Malfoy’s father, we haven’t heard the last of this,” you somberly stated.

The next few weeks went by in a blur, Malfoy moaned over his arm, which in your opinion had nothing wrong with it. You saw him catch a piece of parchment you had thrown at him with his bandaged hand without so much a thought, or a bit of pain. He just put on a show whenever he thought people weren’t paying enough attention to him. The oaf. Urgh. You would purposely throw things at him and place heavy books atop his “broken arm” whenever you had the chance. Alright you suppose it was very mean to laugh in his misery but in your opinion had he just listened to Hagrid’s instructions nothing would have happened. Hagrid obviously felt awful and kept apologizing, but Malfoy was still a git about it. He was going on and on about how he was going to have Hagrid sacked and Buckbeak killed. Once he said it very loudly in front of Hagrid that it brought the happy giant man to tears. You, being the ever so kind and patient person, you were, “accidentally” pushed Malfoy into Bowtruckle dung while he was still laughing getting dung even into his mouth.

Aside from Malfoy there was a rather awkward situation that occurred between Harry, McLaggen and you. McLaggen was a showy upperclassman, he was the epitome of the stereotypical Gryffindor. Tough, and brash, but not exactly the brightest of the bunch. He stalked up to you during one morning, chest puffed out and toothy grin plastered over his face. To you he resembled more of an ape than a boy but that didn’t stop some girls from eyeing him. “Hey (Y/N),” he charmed as he pushed Harry and you apart and sat down between you.

“Top of the Mornin’ to ya, McLaggen,” you sarcastically stated. Harry and Ron snickered at the disinterest in your voice but McLaggen clearly didn’t get the hint (again nOt tHe bRiGhTeSt bUlB)

“Listen so the Hogsmeade trip is coming up,” he started.

“Is it? I didn’t know you could read a calendar,” you retorted but he chose to ignore your statement.

“I know that this is your first trip to Hogsmeade and for a bird it’s just sad to go alone. I know that you’re probably fretting over it but not to worry, you to accompany me,” he finished his proposition. You were actually dumbfounded for a second at his remark. He hadn’t even asked you out, he told you that you can go with him.

“McLaggen, though I’m sure that would be, er- well fun isn’t the right word, tolerable, it would be tolerable. I will not be going alone. However, if I ever find the need to be in the company of a donkey, I’ll let you know,” you hotly stated and walked away.

“Mate she just called you an arse,” you faintly heard George bellow out over the laughter that filled the Great Hall.

Soon it was time for your first ever Hogsmeade trip. You offered to stay with Harry when you realized that he wouldn’t be able to go with you, but he told you to go have fun. While on the way to Hogsmeade you noticed Ron nervously looking at you, he always looked like he wanted to say something but after sneaking a peak at Hermione he opted to stay quiet. Once you got to the village even Hermione started acting odd, glaring at you every once in a while. Upon getting the clue, you jogged on ahead of them, citing that you wanted to buy Harry something and went into Zonko’s Joke shop. As you made your way out of Honeyduke’s you felt an arm wrap around you, but no one was near. Vanilla and Pine Cones. “Harry, no way, how?”

“Fred and George gave me this wicked map,” he explained getting out of his cloak. “It showed me a great route to take without alerting Filch.”

“Great. I was starting to get bored. Let’s go into Three Broomsticks and get a butterbeer. I’ve never tried one,” you stated while dragging him along with you.

“Where’s Ron and Hermione?” Harry asked as you found an empty booth in the corner. Madame Rosmerta, the bartender had given you a rather weird look when you went to counter to place the order.

“They were acting odd once they got here. I decided to leave them alone,” you stated. Your butterbeers came and you both drank the liquid, letting it fill you with warmth. You dragged Harry around with you through the entire village. From Honeyduke’s Harry brought enough sweets to last till Christmas, you had made a comment on it when he said that more than half of it was for you. From Zonko’s you brought Ron the Screaming Yo-Yo he had mentioned wanting. You even walked over to Madam Pudifoot’s but one look at the pink exterior and you pulled Harry with you in the opposite direction.

“Harry,” Hermione exclaimed, as Ron and she came out of the joke shop. Ron looked rather glum until you handed him your package. He opened it and almost tackled you onto the ground in a hug.

Hermione rolled her eyes at the action and kept talking to Harry, “How did you get here?”

“Never mind how,” Ron laughed, “Harry, we’ve got to go into Zonko’s there’s some wicked stuff in there for pranks.” As Hermione hit Ron, you noticed Madame Rosmerta outside of her pub.

“Hey ‘Mione, look who it is,” you diverted their attention to the bartender who was talking to the Minister of Magic, he was looking rather intimidated by her antics. You looked over at Ron who was very red in the face as Hermione took to teasing him about his crush on dear old Rossie.

“Sirius Black?” you heard her say over the chipper of the crowd. Almost immediately you felt movement from you back and you knew Harry was making a beeline for Three Broomsticks. Without another thought you placed an invisibility charm on yourself and walked in Harry’s footsteps.

“Sirius Black? Come now Minerva why would he be coming to Hogsmeade of all places?” you heard Rosmerta ask as McGonagall started to explain the horrendous crimes that Black did. You huddled in a corner far away from everyone in the room but still close enough to hear the conversation. You felt a warm presence next to you that you guessed to be Harry.

“In the darkest times, when James and Lily Potter had to go into hiding Sirius Black was appointed as their secret keeper. He was the only one in the world that knew about their whereabouts, and when it came time to, he betrayed them,” McGonagall explained as tears welled up in your eyes.

Poor Harry must be going through a tsunami of emotions right now, you worried. Knowing that Sirius Black was after him was one thing but now realizing that he was the sole reason his parents were killed must be doing a number on him. You could tell he was shaking, and you felt around for his arm and held on to it.

“So, you think what? That he wants to finish the job You-Know-Who started and kill the boy?” Rosmerta questioned.

McGonagall’s lips stretched into the thinnest line you had ever seen, “Rosmerta the fact of the matter is that he still remains Harry’s godfather. Not only that, that poor girl (Y/N), she has no clue of course.” Your head was spinning from all the revelation that was happening but at your name your ears perked up.

“Oh, that lovely doll, the one with brown eyes and black hair,” Rosmerta added, “I just saw her in my shop, she’s a splitting image of her mum, it made me tear up a bit. I will say her eyes and that hair, that she got from her father. She reminds me so much of her mother, even smiles the same way. (Y/L/N) was such a wonderful woman.”

“”Metra, my dear,” Fudge interrupted, “The lass has no idea that her mother was Estella (Y/L/N) and that her father is Sirius Black.”

Taglist: @missmulti @may-machin @magicalaquarian @junkersandroadies-son @prongsyy @cute-but-weirdo @lozzybowe @minecraftlover444 @selmeuuh @play-morezeppelin @ilovespideyyy @wecouldbreakthedistance

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lazyangeltreemoney · 4 years

Text

Goodbye Detective

Oneshot Detective AU

Description: How much harm can one night stand cause?

Pairings: Detective!Bucky x Reader

Warnings: mentions of sex, police, swearing, mafia.

A/N: this might become a series but for now it’s a short Oneshot because Detective Bucky has become my new favourite thing

Bucky woke up that morning with such a headache he was convinced that he had gone to sleep with Sam telling him a bedtime story. His head pounded and he wanted nothing more to slam his head back into his pillow until next Sunday. However, his alarm had other plans, plans which involved him getting out of bed and actually heading to work. Groaning, he slammed his hand down on the clock to get it to finally shut up. The silence that followed next was pleasurable, it was early and for New York standards the streets were quiet.

As much as Bucky wanted to enjoy a lazy morning, Steve would have his ass if he turned up late again. He got out of bed and headed for the shower, hoping the warm water would soothe this aching head. When he walked into the bathroom he looked at himself properly in the mirror. He was naked and there were smudged red lipstick marks along his neck and trailing down his toned figure. Bucky couldn’t help but smile at the marks, a reminder of what or who he had done the night before.

It was a simple night out, headed to his usual bar after finishing his shift at the 57th. He had planned to only have a couple of drinks and head home but there was a woman who he hadn’t seen before. Feeling confident, he brought her a drink, one drink turned into two, two quickly turned into four and before he knew it they were stumbling up the stairs to his apartment.

Bucky was struggling to concentrate on getting the door open as the woman kissed his neck playfully.

“Jesus, Doll at this rate we’re not even going to make it past the front door,” Bucky laughed.

“You’re a big boy James, I’m sure you can have some self-control,” She teased.

“Not when it comes to you,” Bucky smirked as he finally undid the lock.

Slamming the door behind him once they were both inside, Bucky shoved Y/N up against the nearest wall. Their kisses were heavy and hot, both of them battling for some dominance over each other. Y/N pulled away from him slightly and kissed his neck some more, he seemed to have a sweet spot right below his Adam’s apple than made him moan and curse her name.

Bucky felt in such a daze he hadn’t even noticed that she had removed his shirt, her kisses moved from his neck to his collarbone, to his abs, trailing down even further...

Bucky let the memories of last night play over in his mind as he got into the shower. He remembered how innocent and coy she somehow managed to appear on her knees; how her moans seemed to be conducted by some kind of orchestra by how beautiful they sounded; moreover the way she rode him into complete orgasmic bliss.

When Bucky was finally dressed he noticed a small post-it note had been placed next to a box of painkillers and a cup of coffee.

Sorry I had to shoot off but this was fun, call me next time you need an ‘after-shift’ pick me up ;) Y/N

Underneath there was a phone number. Bucky chuckled as he placed the number into his phone and headed to work.

“Well I’ll be damned, sleeping beauty actually got to work on time,” Sam faked his astonishment as Bucky walked into the precinct.

Bucky only rolled his eyes and sat down at this desk, this was going to be a long fucking day.

“What, you finally got someone to kiss that ugly mug and wake your ass up?” Sam clearly wasn’t going to let this drop.

“You know what Wilson-”

“Barnes, Wilson, briefing room now!” Nat called from the other side of the room.

Sam and Bucky’s old married couple schtick would have to wait, Natasha Romanoff was not a woman you kept waiting. Sam and Bucky followed each other into the briefing room to see Nat had put pictures of the Rumlow crime family:

Erik Rumlow- Father and Head of the Family

Brock Rumlow - His eldest Son, Second in command

Underneath them was a string of men’s mugshots, over the past year the squad had been trying to work out the family’s chain of command, work out who the big fish were. They couldn’t simply go for Brock or Erik, they were pretty much untouchable.

Recently there had been a new drug popping up on the streets called ‘Red Skull’. Barnes hadn’t been able to prove it yet but he knew that it was coming in from Rumlows docks and being spread on his orders. ‘Red Skull’ had quickly become a problem around New York and the commissioner was giving everyone hell to try and sort the problem.

Bucky readied himself for rigorous hours of staring at that damned board and came up with no way to tie ‘Red Skull’ to Rumlow. He had to give it to him, Rumlow had a tight ship, there was never any evidence and none of his henchmen was talking. The one good thing about today was the fact that Y/N had texted him back after he had texted her to say thank you for the ‘pick me up’.

How do you know I like my coffee? - Bucky

You’re rather predictable, the ruggedly handsome stranger likes his coffee black with two sugars, such a cliche James, besides I kind of owed you- Y/N

Bucky chuckled at her reply and went to text her back when Natasha let out a rather unamused cough.

“Barnes, you ready to join us in reality?” Natasha’s voice was dripping with sarcasm and her icy stare made him shut off his phone and give her an apologetic glance.

“Thankyou Romanoff, as I saw saying,” Steve got up and walked over towards the whiteboard, “There was some chatter on the street and thanks to Romanoff’s excellent work we can confirm that Y/N Rumlow is officially back in New York,” Steve wrote her name on the board next to Brock Rumlow.

“Didn’t even know Erik had a daughter,” Sam commented, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Apparently she went travelling a lot after her mother passed away, and hasn't been in the city for 3 years,” Natasha replied coolly.

No one was surprised at Nat knowing so much, in a five-minute conversation she could grab a person's address, phone number and social security number.

“So what brings her back now?” Sam turned to Natasha.

“We don’t know but judging how quickly she left after her mother passed, something tells me that she and Erik don’t have the best relationship,” Nat suggested.

Steve grabbed a picture of the table next to him and stuck it onto the whiteboard above where he had written her name. When Steve stepped away he turned to face the other three.

“This is the closest we’ve gotten to a lead in months so we need to approach her in the right way, Barnes, Wilson, I want you to follow her, see what her daily routine is and we’ll work from there,” Steve ordered.

Sam nodded and headed out of the room, Nat and Steve followed assuming Bucky would come as well but he didn’t. He felt frozen in place and his eyes were glued to the photo that had been stuck on the whiteboard. No, no, this can’t be happening, this is just Sam playing some sick joke? The photo on the board was of Y/N, the woman he had taken home last night. He sat in the room, waiting, praying for Sam to reappear laughing and say something along the lines of ‘Man I got you so good,’ But he didn’t. Instead, he simply told Bucky to ‘hurry his ass up’ and that was when it hit him. He had just slept with The Mafia Princess of Brooklyn.

Y/N’s day was going pretty well. The sunlight trickling through James blinds woke her up and as much as she enjoyed the feel of his arms around her, her phone looked as if it was about to blow with the amount of missed phone calls and texts that appeared on her screen.

Sighing, she somehow managed to pry herself out of James hold and saw all of the messages were from her brother and her friend Martin. Martin had been the one familiar face she had been happy to see when he arrived back in the city. Y/N sent him a quick text telling him to meet her at the Diner on fourth and picked her clothes up off of James’ floor. She managed to find her underwear, jeans and shoes but when she found her shirt she hissed a little at a memory from last night.

“God you’re handsome,” Y/N hummed as she crawled on top of James

“And you are wearing too many clothes,” James groaned.

Before she could stop him two strong hands came to the front of her shirt and ripped it open, buttons cascading down onto the two of them.

“James!” YN went to scold him but he held onto her too tightly and silenced her with another searing kiss.

“Told you Doll, no self-control,” He teased and kissed her again before she could argue back.

It wasn’t like Y/N could walk around the streets of New York in her bra. The press would have a field day and give her Dad a heart attack… actually, she didn’t mind the second thing so much. Glancing around the room Y/N spotted a greyish t-shirt. It was a Led Zeppelin t-shirt and it would have to do.

“Since when did you start listening to Led Zeppelin?” Martin raised a brow as Y/N sat across from him at the dinner.

“I don’t know, just happened to come across some of his stuff while travelling,” Y/N shrugged the comment off and looked down at the menu, she was craving some good old American pancakes and coffee.

“Oh yeah, name one of their songs?” Martin held his award-winning smirk and it made Y/N want to punch him.

“Urgh fine you’ve caught me but no telling Brock or Dad, got it?” Y/N warned.

Even with only holding a butter knife, Martin was harshly reminded that Y/N was the daughter of the biggest and baddest mob bosses in Brooklyn.

“Yeah, yeah, I got it, no telling Daddy you’re no longer his sweet innocent virgin daughter,” Martin grumbled, “OWWW!”

Y/N had found one of the toothpicks and stabbed it into Martin's left hand that he left so casually unguarded on the table, big mistake. Martin quickly jerked his hand away and sucked on it briefly where Y/N had stabbed him. There wasn’t any blood but fuck it hurt. He glared at Y/N as he rubbed his hand but she just gave him a sickly sweet smile and called the waitress over.

Bucky felt as if he was sweating buckets as he sat in Sam’s car. He kept trying to go over everything Y/N and he said last night, did she say her last name? Did he mention he was a cop? He couldn’t remember anything from before they got back to his apartment.

“Barnes you okay over there?” Sam asked, concerned for his friend who hadn’t said anything the whole car journey down to the dinner.

They’d gotten a tip that Y/N used to come here a lot with her mother and chances were she would turn up there again.

“Yeah, fine, just tired,” Bucky muttered out, looking through the binoculars.

Sam wanted to push Bucky further but then he spotted Y/N Rumlow enter the Diner. She wasn’t dressed the way you’d expect a mafic princess to dress. No designer labels, no primped and proper hair or chihuahua in her arms. Instead, she looked a lot more down to earth. She wore black jeans, combat style black boots and a greyish t-shirt under a leather jacket.

Sam instantly started snapping pictures of her. She walked through the Diner and quickly went to go and sit down next to a man who was already sitting down. Sam recognised the man, Martin Murphy, one of Rumlows henchmen. The two seemed to be old friends, they seemed to be teasing each other about something and acting like children at a dinner table. Even Sam had to chuckle at the sight of Y/N threatening Martin with a butter knife. Then Y/N removed her jacket and Sam could see the t-shirt she was wearing more clearly… It was a Led Zeppelin t-shirt. It looked an awful lot like the one he had brought Bucky last Christmas for the squad's secret Santa. It even had the same paint stains on it from when they had all helped Steve move house and redecorate the nursery…

Sam turned to face Bucky who had his eyes locked on the Diner… locked on Y/N. He even seemed to be giving an evil glare to the guy sitting next to her. Sam watched Bucky seem to mentally snap when he saw Martin lean over and wipe something off of Y/N’s face.

“Sam why don’t you wait in the car, I’m going to scope out the place,” Bucky stated and before Sam could even argue Bucky was already out of the car and halfway across the road.

Sam was simply left behind in the car with his mouth agape… what the hell had Bucky gotten himself into?

Who the fuck is this guy? Bucky was doing his best to remain calm as he walked towards the Diner but when he saw Martin’s hand reach for Y/N he wanted to break it off. He stormed into the Diner and suddenly it hit him that he didn’t have a plan. He couldn’t just walk up to her and start questioning her, Steve said that he wanted to try and get Y/N to be the squad's graving grace in this case. If he messed it up purely out of jealousy Steve would kill him.

Just as Bucky was panicking about what he should actually do he made eye contact with Martin and was giving him a serious death glare. Who did this guy think he was flirting with Y/N? She was wearing his shirt for christ sake. Screw having a plan, Bucky was going to march over there and give him a piece of his mind… or he was until Sam came crashing into the Diner and dragged him onto the nearest booth.

“Alright Barnes I want answers now,” Sam ordered as he threw Bucky into the seat.

Bucky, deciding not to cause a scene, got into the booth and grabbed a menu to try and look inconspicuous but his eyes kept drifting over to Y/N.

“Oh no Barnes, eyes on me, now you’re going to tell me exactly why Y/N fucking Rumlow is wearing the t-shirt I got you last Christmas?” Sam waved his hand in front of Bucky.

This was going to be one long fucking day.

“Ah shit, Barnes and Wilson, Dumb and Dumber of New York’s finest just waltzed in,” Martin sneered and leaned down further into his seat,

“Who?” Y/N mumbled through a mouth full of pancakes.

“Good to see that three years away haven’t improved your manners,” Martin muttered at Y/N and handed her a tissue, “Barnes and Wilson, two detectives that have been stirring up some trouble… it’s just business and I know you don’t wanna talk about that stuff,”

Y/N turned to look behind her to see who Martin was gesturing two behind her. When she turned around Y/N could have sworn her heart stopped beating. James, no surely not, Martin can’t mean him. But James and the man sat across from him were the only other two people in the Diner. In what Y/N would later admit wasn’t her smartest move, she fled the Diner. She mumbled something to Martin about how she owed him for breakfast and just ran into the streets of New York. Fuck, fuck, fuck, how could you do this! Y/N scolded herself as she pushed herself through crowds of people. He’s a Cop, of course, he’s a cop.

Just as she was cursing herself her phone rang,

“Martin I told you I’d pay you back but there’s something really important I need to do-” Y/N groaned down the phone,

Stupid traffic light, change colour already.

“Not Martin Doll,” that stupid scruff, sexy voice, “turn around, Doll,”

Y/N turned around to see James was standing right behind her. He hung up the phone and said a silent prayer, hoping Y/N wasn’t going to shoot off again.

“I think we need to talk,” Bucky grabbed her hand and led her towards a side road that was certainly less busy.

It was just the two of them now but somehow that didn’t make it any easier for either of them to talk. Y/N couldn’t stand it, the anxiety bubbling inside her, what the hell did he want from her? Did he want to arrest her? Was last night even real or was he trying to seduce her to get information about her Dad? Y/N tried to study him to see if his expression gave away any signs but there was nothing. All there seemed to be between them was dead air and heavy tension.

“I see now why you owed me,” Bucky began gesturing to her t-shirt, hoping to kill some of the tension,

“So is this how you usually do things, buy a girl a few drinks, take her to your place and then stalk her and arrest her?” Y/N accused in that sultry tone and nearly made all the blood in Bucky’s brain rush downwards.

“Come on Doll I haven’t even gotten any cuffs out yet… unless you want me to,” Bucky teased walking closer towards her.

Y/N simply scoffed at him and pushed him away.

“Urgh, I can’t believe I slept with a fucking cop,” Y/N seethed as she pinched the nose of her bridge.

“Well you did, Doll, rather spectacularly if you ask me,” Bucky flirted with her, he knew he was crossing a line but he just couldn’t help himself around her. Flirting with her came as natural as breathing.

“No, no, I didn’t, in fact, ‘this’,” Y/N gestured between the two of them, “Never happened, got it,”

“Why because it would get your Daddy’s panties in a bunch?” Bucky teased

“No, because my Dad would put a bullet in your brains and then mine, in that order,” Y/N said and Bucky’s flirty demeanour died down when he noticed the serious tone in her voice.

“Doll,” Bucky tried to step closer to her to try and offer some comfort but Y/N simply stepped away further.

“I’m serious James, this never happened, goodbye.” With that Y/N left and headed back into the heavily busy streets of Brooklyn.

#bucky x reader #detective!bucky #detective!bucky x reader #marvel #marvel fanfiction #bucky barnes #the winter solider #bucky barnes x reader #reader insert #detective au #mobster!reader

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queerlilacroses · 4 years

Text

Nothing to fear but fear itself (TW Blood, Murder, Biphobia)

Richie had always been afraid of werewolves, ever since he was a little kid the thought of them sent shivers up his spine. He didn’t know if it was the sharp claws, the big teeth or the fact it could be anyone, watching waiting to turn him into his worst fear. It has also been theorised that werewolves are a metaphor for a specific sexuality, bisexuality, not many people believe that bisexuals exist, at least that’s what Richie hears when he attempts to come out.

“There’s no such thing dear, I mean you can be gay or straight I don’t mind I know you’ve always been an odd child but there’s no such thing as both”. He had lamented over that loss for a while, honestly he know lots of people wouldn’t understand but his own mother! That was his biggest disappointment.

So he ran out on her, hiding in the Clubhouse™ that his good friend Ben had built, waiting hours until his best friends Bill, and Bev came frantic down falling down the hole of the clubhouse, “why didn’t they use the stairs”, he wondered aloud forgetting that he had disappeared without letting anyone know and it had been all day since he had ran out on his mother.

“WHY DIDN’T I… I was looking for you you’ve been missing for 6 hours you dummy”

“I’ve been wounded Bev darling, I…wait SIX HOURS”

“Yea is s-something wrong”

Whilst his friends had accepted him all those years ago Richie was still paranoid about his bisexuality despite knowing he wasn’t gay or straight there was a nagging doubt in the back of his mind watching, waiting to creep up on hm like a horror movie jump scare that made him spill popcorn all over the floor like an idiot.

The problem with horror movies is they are real; Vampires, Zombies, Witches and of course Werewolves which are the worst of them all. The first time Richie had seen a werewolf had been in a stupid movie , a teen movie, “supposedly a romance” Bev had mentioned nonchalantly as they walked past it at the Aladdin and well it was, for the first 20 minutes or so then it turned out the lead had a secret…the movie plagued him for months after that day after day, night after night all he could see was the male lead chasing him waiting to turn him into a werewolf. He never knew what to do or where to go Richie was traumatized.

Eddie, had been a new confusing figure in his life, they had met at gig which Eddie had helped organized and hit it off but there was something about him Richie wasn’t so sure of. Was it the smell of wet dog despite Eddie claiming to be allergic? Was it the fact that he refused to wear the silver chain that Richie got him as a present? Was it his oddly hairy body? Or was it the fact that anytime a full moon was around no matter what Eddie would make and excuse and disappear so nobody would see him for days. It confused and scared the hell outta him so he had to confront his ‘boyfriend’ he isn’t sure honestly they haven’t labelled what they are yet and Richie’s kinda nervous that’s because Eddie doesn’t wanna be with a bi man and whilst all these thoughts are in his head he’s overthinking again and he needs to talk to Eddie.

“Eds,” “Urgh what?” “Are we like?” “Like what Richie use your words” “Are we boyfriends?” “no we’re Italian farmers who love growing tomatoes of course we’re boyfriends” “Geez okay I’m just making sure”

“Especially cause you’ve been acting so weird, I mean I hardly see you, anytime you stay it’s daytime and the two occasions that we’ve stayed together you’re like a magician here one minute and then disappeared the next like some cruel trick it’s not fair Ed’s, I wanted to move forward with this relationship but it’s so hard when I can’t, don’t, know? Do you understand what I mean?

“Uh no? Why would that ever make sense babe” sighed Eddie although he understood Richie well and knew him inside and out he didn’t understand how his brain worked? His ADHD flickering from thing to thing topic to topic and although Eddie could sometimes be known to ramble he couldn’t keep up.

“Well I mean with you? Why are you avoiding me at night? What’s the big secret?” Richie teased.

“I’m a werewolf”

“WHAT”

“I’m one of those creatures you know the ones that come out on the full moon I turn into a wolf howl at the moon y’know all those stereotypes”

“WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME THAT! YOU KNOW ABOUT MY FEAR OF WEREWOLVES”

“I’M SORRY BUT YOU ASKED. THIS IS WHY I’VE BEEN AVOIDING YOU! I DIDN’T WANT YOU TO BE SCARED OF ME YOU ASSHOLE”

“I…what”

“Yea I remembered you saying that you were terrified of werewolves since you were 12 so I’ve been trying to avoid transforming and all the side effects around it whilst I’m around you so I guess that seems like I need to avoid you and I mean there’s the murder”

“MURDER”

“Well I mean it’s not exactly murder more people get in the way of me as a 7 foot tall wolf and unfortunately I think my instincts kick in? Although it could be deer, but there’s been bodies found and I…”

“BODIES!!?! BODIES AS IN PLURAL !!?!”

“Richie can you stop yelling, it’s been a long night I’m tired and sore, honestly I just want to rest…”

“WAIT WHAT, YOU WERE OUT LAST NIGHT? Like it was a full moon ? I’m sorry I have to go call Bev or something, I-I can’t.

“WHERE ARE YOU- it’s your never mind” Eddie sighed as his voiced tailed off his head in his hands. This hadn’t been the way he wanted Richie to find out, honestly they’ve only been together for a few weeks and as soon as they talked he found out about his fear of werewolves and was horrified, he knew it might potentially be a dealbreaker and although he didn’t want to lose Richie. He had known that at one point that he’d have to sit down and tell him the story of the doctor, decided that his mother, who was a maniac bringing him to the hospital every time he even touched the ground too hard convinced he’d broken or dislocated his ankle needed something to worry about properly and turned him into a werewolf whilst he was at one of his many stays when he was eleven. His mother had been far more protective when she had found out, it was as if she had been normal beforehand, complete and utter curfew (“back straight after school Eddie-bear don’t talk to anybody, you don’t want them to find out!”), bars on the windows and even restraints at night as she was too paranoid, which wasn’t fun, especially as every night he just kept breaking out of them which in turn scared his mother more and more.

Shakily Richie reached into his pocket for his phone that he’d grabbed in his haste to leave the apartment building, as it rang the word murder went in his stomach over and over again. “Hello?” Oh good she answered he wouldn’t have known what to do with himself otherwise I mean…. “Helloooo??” Oh right yeah she’s still on this phone.

“I-I Eddie, and…”

“What’s wrong with Eddie, depth breaths calm down and try to try me what happened.

“He.. he.. he’s a monster, a werewolf a murderer I don’t know if I can do this” sobbing he knelt on the pavement holding the phone thinking about how he didn’t want to lose Eddie, the problem was that he loved the shorter man despite them only dating a couple of weeks and he knew about the dangers of dating a monster.

They had learned about it in school which only fuelled Richie’s fear further the teachers explaining about scientific experiments gone wrong and turning ordinary people into creatures that could climb into his slightly opened window in the dead of night and maim them or if they were dating whilst in transformations they would completely forget their partner, ending up harming them. Listening to this had made him scared to moved his bed and slept under his window to make sure nothing got in, freaking out anytime a bug crawled on him.

“A werewolf? Yea probably. A murderer? Probably not and an I mean a monster definitely not. Don’t you love him? Don’t you want the chance for him to prove you wrong, honestly you’ve been scared for far too long. All this time people have been putting ideas into your head about ‘this that and the next thing to do with monsters and no offence Richie but I’m sick of hearing about it, time to march back to your apartment and make your own decisions about Eddie.

“Yea, yea I guess you’re right, I should maybe go back? I.. okay Bev darling I’ll speak to you later”.

Sitting up he decided that it was time to get back, not realising it was getting darker and darker as a full moon approached.

Waiting for Richie made him terrified he was transforming in an hour and he had no idea what would happen. Would they break up?? If they did it would be so much worse, the adrenaline in this body taking over, making him more angry and upset and he knew his wolf side would harm anything that got in his way, which could include his caring but stupid and scared boyfriend. Hearing the door creak open his head perked up realising that Richie hadn’t let for that long and that probably meant bad news, knots grew in his stomach as he waited in anticipation for Richie to say something, anything whilst looking at the clock ticking on closer and closer to his time of transformation.

“I’m home babey! I wanna talk to you, my love” he said in a singsong voice. This wasn’t good, he honestly knew Richie’s speech patterns very well and he almost never called him babey unless there was a big problem or something was wrong.

“Yea I’m in here what’s happening”

“I just wanted to say, I talked to Bev and she put things into perspective, I think I love you and I shouldn’t judge you based on what happened when you were younger and I should try to get over it, I wanna keep dating you so I think it’s a good idea to see you at least once.

“Wait wait you want to stay with me? HOLD UP YOU THINK YOU LOVE ME”

“Well yea, I guess? I know we’ve only been dating for a few weeks and technically I only found out a few days ago but I have really strong feelings for you and I think I love you”.

“ I … okay… really don’t know what to say I love yo…” but before Eddie could finish off his sentence something happened, it was supposed to be a strange scary thing but Richie didn’t feel scared all he felt was concerned H could see the pain manifesting on Eddie’s face as he twisted and turned and hair grew from his body turning him taller, more muscular and then into a wolf.

Werewolves, although potentially not less dangerous were smaller than the stories, and Eddie didn’t seem to want to attack him honestly? Richie was very confused and conflicted between everything he had ever heard and feared vs the man who was his boyfriend who had just turned into what looked like a slightly taller dog still vigilant just sitting there. Well until it started talking, but you never hear about things like that when people are attempting to scare you.

“Well aren’t you going to say something? You’ve been looking at me in a daze for the last five minutes like I get the idea of you being scared like yea but can you please snap out of your like -why are you- dude why are you laughing?” Forgetting he was a wolf he attempted to walk over to Richie and ended up falling over four paws”.

Doubled over in laughter Richie realising his boyfriend was an idiot as a wolf decided that there something they needed to talk about “Eddieeeeeee we need to talk soooo I also have a secret”.

“Okay, and it is?

“I’m boisexual, well actually I’m bisexual but we both know I couldn’t come out without a pun”

“And an awful one at that I mean, what does that even mean rich? But honestly I know you told me about the time you dated Bev before she started dating Ben so I just assumed, why is that like a problem?”

“Oh…I- forgot about I just -I assumed like most gay guys you wouldn’t be down to date a bisexual guy I mean most of my life I’ve been told I don’t exist and-“

“Wait who told you this, how many people told you this? You know they’re wrong right I mean you’re bisexual”,

“thanks I means it was mainly my mum and a couple of ex-boyfriends, some teachers and stuff you know”

“Do you want to get your own back?”.

Richie looked at the small wolf in surprise thinking about how he could play pranks and stuff or what they could do in order to get his own back but Eddie had something else in mind.

“Do you want to come with me to kill them”

Maggie Tozier, was baking in the kitchen humming a light tune whilst taking a pie out of the oven, she hadn’t spoken to her son since he turned sixteen and came out as bisexual for the third time to her disbelief that it wasn’t a phase and after she decided not to accept him they both just stopped talking to each other and then a year later he up and left.

As Richie made his way to his childhood home with his boyfriend in tow he looked at his mom and realised there was no turning back, it was now or never, he could talk to his mom get clarification? If it all went wrong Eddie would be there to make sure he’s okay. Walking in announced he saw he face drop and her mouth open, unfortunately it didn’t seem to be in a nice way. “What are you doing here” her voice laced with disappointment at seeing her thirty-odd year old son standing in front her for the first time in years waiting for her approval or acceptance at last, but that would never come. “Do you still think you can live in cloud cuckoo land and date both boys and girls, I hate to tell you baby but people are going to take advantage of you, I don’t see a ring if you’d just stop all this nonsense I could-“

Before anyone knew what was happening Eddie had lunged at Maggie and grabbed at her arm to bite her, Richie frozen in shock and horror couldn’t do anything except gape at the site as he could see she was losing more and more blood out of her arm, thinking realising he didn’t have many options his adrenaline kicked in, he pondered back to all the times he’d been told he was invisible, bisexuality didn’t exist or he was a monster for trying to invade both communities and he snapped. Grabbing a butcher’s knife from the kitchen he could see his mother attempting to back away muffled screaming, and stabbed her stomach, hearing the organs squishing made his feel better so he did it again and again until he was cover in a pool of blood, surrounded by his mother whilst he was sobbing, Eddie in a corner waiting on him.

“I just murdered my mother”

“Well yea, I just thought you’d hurt her a little honestly but that was a full on murder, but I think she had it coming? Do you want to get cleaned up?”

“Mhmm, that’d be nice, but the problem is I liked it, I enjoyed stabbing her, is that weird?

“Weeelll that depends on who you ask, me, I’m fine with it I mean I enjoy maiming people as a wolf but to normal person I guess?? Hey do you wanna murder people when I’m in my wolf form”.

“You mean people who deserve it right? Not just random people on the street because I don’t know if I enjoy it that much”.

“Yep yea sure of course I won’t pressure you it’s only been your first murder after all”.

That next night was the final full moon for the month and Richie was trying to think who he would want to murder next, one of his teachers who made him terrified of werewolves, one of the executives who said he’d never get a job in comedy (look at him now!) or one of his biphobic ex-boyfriends who made him feel so disgusting and pathetic that he decided not to date for six years and when he at last did date ‘forgot’ to disclose his sexuality every date he went on.

Tracing down his ex-boyfriend wasn’t as difficult as it seemed just follow the scent of disappointment and go to the nearest seedy gay bar. Julian, who was happily walking towards his car according to the police report, was ribbed in the heart with a duller kitchen knife as if to mimic a broken heart. One arm was ripped off and had teeth marks in it as if it was created by both man and dog.

Waking up next to Eddie, was one of the nice things about existing having had one of the weirdest dreams of his life, although as the blood dripped from the mattress that he couldn’t see he did know one thing though.

He wasn’t frightened of werewolves anymore.

#reddie #reddie au #fanfic #writing #it chapter 2 #hallowren's spooktacular it project #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #beverly marsh #tw murder #tw blood #tw biphobia #tw gore #ask me if there's anything you want me to tag #this is my first lil writing project #werewolves #some of my formatting is awful but i copy pasted from word and i I don't care I'm just proud to have finished!

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kathyprior4200 · 3 years

Text

Fallen (post episode 4)

Cletus, Keenie and Collin broke down in heavy tears as they surveyed the area around them. The audience lay slumped and dead in their seats after being shot with arrows and bullets. Metal scaffolding lay bent and wrecked on the wooden stage where Blitzo, Moxxie and Millie were moments before. The former opera singer now lay dead and crushed underneath a stage light that had fallen on top of her. And underneath a broken piano lay the dead crushed body of Lyle Lipton, the elderly inventor they had tried to save.

The scene was eerie and empty. The nervous well-dressed piano guy had promptly fled the scene, traumatized after the events. And those accursed imps had jumped through a portal back to Hell in triumph.

As Cletus cried some more, fountains of tears sprung from his eyes. Keenie and Collin rushed in to comfort him. The trio had never felt so vulnerable before.

“I…I can’t believe this!” Cletus wailed. “We were so close to helping out that man…even though he was shitty and old…”

“Language,” chided Keenie.

Cletus continued. “We did everything right, but now we can’t get back through.”

“It’s not…completely your fault,” Collin said, putting a hoof on his leader’s back in comfort. “It was all an accident.”

Cletus raised an eyebrow at his comrade. “What do you mean ‘not completely?’”

“Well…” Collin began.

“You’re right, it was those imps’ doing!” Keenie interrupted, her white lacy wings flapping in frustration. “If only Deerie had seen what they were doing to us.”

The three took some deep breaths and sobs as they slowly calmed down. With a wave of his hand, their fancy dresses and tuxedos clothes were replaced by their regular outfits: reddish overalls for Cletus, a light blue shirt and white bow tie for Collin and a yellow dress for Keenie.

“What do we do now?” Collin asked, almost in a whisper.

“First thing’s first,” said Cletus. “We find a safe place to stay for a while. Who knows how long we’ll have to stay on Earth?” The others nodded in agreement.

“Urgh,” Keenie scowled. “First those filthy demonic trash decide to mock us and now we have to live among these…messy mortals?”

“Oh come on,” Collin gave a small smile as the three left the theater. They looked again sadly at the deceased humans and made crosses with their hands before flying away through an open window. “Things will work out. We’ve helped humans all the time. Surely they can’t be that bad!”

The three of them later gasped in sheer horror on the streets in a nearby town. A homeless man sat on a corner smoking a cigarette, while his comrade vomited alcohol down a sewer drain. A large man with a mustache ripped off a woman’s shirt as she leaned into him with a messy kiss in an alleyway. A skinny thief snatched a woman’s purse before he was brutally shot in the head by a man with a baseball cap. Two men were fighting each other and swearing, one of them landing a punch that toppled the other to the ground. As a policeman dragged a body away, a nearby band blared on bloodstained instruments. The logo on the drum read “Hail Satan!” in red messy paint.

A group of men sitting on a bench glanced at the cherubs hungrily.

“Anyone want mutton chops tonight?” The others laughed and displayed sinister grins.

C.H.E.R.U.B. stood with open mouths for several seconds. Cletus laughed nervously and made a motion with his arm and fist. “Let’s go check out someplace else!”

The three took to the sky, trying not to look at the watchful eyes of passerby.

Collin’s fluffy light indigo ears perked up. “Hey, I know what we can do! We can keep doing our job like before, helping people in need! Now that those imps are back in Hell, we are free to do what we like.”

Keenie shook her head. “As much as I want to, I don’t think we should just yet. I’m worried that we’ll just cause more deaths.”

“I might have to agree as well,” said Cletus. “I mean, how can we tell anyone about our accomplishments if we aren’t in Heaven anymore?”

“I miss my mom and dad,” Collin whined. “How will they react when they find out about what we’ve done?” He gasped. “What if they already know? What if all of Heaven knows and now sees us as…one of them?”

The others gasped.

“You don’t mean…” Keenie began.

Cletus rapidly shook his head. “No, no, no, no! I refuse to believe that our one mistake would lead us into becoming demons!”

“What if…it’s already too late?” Keenie wondered in fear.

Collin imagined all three of them trapped in long black demonic hands, their wings and halos gone. Flames turning their eyes red and their skin a charred black. The pale face of Lucifer towering behind them and letting out a maniacal laugh.

“Oh my gosh, oh my god!” Collin cried, his eyes wide as he shook his head free of the fear.

Keenie slapped him hard on the head. “Hey, I told you to not use the Lord’s name in vain!” Collin sobbed again and rubbed his large white wool of hair as he flew beside them.

The setting sun turned the sky a brilliant orange as the three cherubs searched for a safe place to stay the night. Their white feathery wings and halos glowed and flickered in the fading light. Their silhouettes followed the setting sun before they landed in a quieter part of town. Neon signs were already humming in the twilight. From inside nearby windows, several woman were wearing dark lace and high heeled boots, pole-dancing to upbeat music. The cherubs huddled close together, staying under streetlights to avoid the dark unknown. Their wings flapped silently as they moved forward inches off the ground.

“I miss Heaven’s comforting light,” Keenie sighed. “And God’s light most of all. It seems like this place is devoid of it.”

“There’s always good somewhere in the world,” said Collin with a hopeful expression. “You just have to know where to look.”

“The only thing I see are shabby buildings and humans indulging in their disgusting desires,” Cletus remarked. He mentioned to a nearby man who burped loudly after stuffing an entire pizza into his mouth. “The sooner we get home, the better.”

Collin took a piece of cheese he bought and popped it into his mouth. He grumbled. “The food here is prison food in comparison to what we have back home. It just tastes so…bland and heavy.”

Keenie munched half-heartedly on a carrot. “It’s still edible at least.”

“Demons eat nothing but raw meat,” Cletus added. “Back up above, we could enjoy all the vegetables, holy fruits, and drinks we wanted. Every day was an endless buffet…”

“Stop making me hungry,” Collin remarked. They fell into silence as a nightly breeze ruffled their clothing and wooly fur.

“I think we should get human disguises soon,” Collin later mentioned as they hovered over the sidewalk.

“Yeah, like those hideous costumes worked out well for those imps,” Cletus rolled his eyes. “Relax, Collin. I’m sure some of the humans will notice and treat us with the respect I…um, we deserve.”

Collin huffed. “I sure hope so.” He clapped his large front hooves together nervously as if trying to say something. As they continued hovering past some alleyways, a low growl was heard. Keenie paused, her hair stood on end.

“Guys…what was that?” Keenie asked, looking around.

“Probably just Collin’s stomach,” Cletus mentioned.

“No, I swear it wasn’t me,” he said. “Through I am very hungry.”

The growling grew louder…it seemed to be coming from behind them. The three slowly turned around and spotted a figure in the shadows. It was a large gray canine with beady black eyes…and very sharp teeth. Drool dribbled onto the ground by its paws.

The cherubs screamed and scattered away in flight. The dog barked loudly and raced after them. The cherubs zoomed up ahead, avoiding passing cars and maneuvering around figures of people. They zoomed over black trash bags as the dog barreled through them at high speed. The dog raced on all fours, snapping its jaws as it moved closer to them.

“Get back!” Keenie called, moving her yellow hooves in a frantic kick, just missing its face. The beast just grabbed at her dress with its teeth and yanked.

“Aaaahhhh! Get off, you beast!” she cried.

Cletus yelled in fury and raised his hand in the air as he flew. He then glanced upward in sheer shock.

“I can’t summon my golden crossbow!”

Collin flew nearby, muttering a prayer while shaking. He took a deep breath and speed toward the dog. He landed a punch to the dog’s eyes…and with a yelp, the dog let go of Keenie’s dress with a rip. Keenie gasped and shook herself. “My dress!” she cried as she stared at the torn slobbery hole. “Look at my dress!”

“Be thankful it’s not your backside,” Cletus mentioned. Keenie seethed at him as Collin came flying back toward them, the dog at his heels. Keenie shoved Collin backwards toward the dog, sending the both of them tumbling to the ground.

Cletus and Keenie flew as fast as they could until Keenie spotted a beacon in the distance. A tall brick building had a large white Christian Cross on top of it, appearing golden as the sun continued to set. Several stained glass windows showed images of Jesus and the Virgin Mary surrounded by golden backgrounds. Even more spectacular was a nearby towering Christmas tree decorated with gold and silver ornaments and a six pointed star at the top.

“A church!” she called. “Hurry!”

They landed in front of the large wooden double doors, catching their breath.

“My wings are sore,” Cletus groaned.

“No more flying for a while,” Keenie agreed.

Cletus knocked politely on the door. “Hello? Anybody in there?”

So far, no answer.

Just then, they heard panting from behind them. They whirled around…only to find Collin hunched over, his clothes torn up. There were several scratches all over him.

“Oh Collin, thank goodness,” Cletus sighed in relief.

“Keenie…” Collin began. “What was that back there?! I’m lucky I escaped at all!”

“I had to distract the dog so we could get away,” she said.

Collin glared and stomped one of his cloven feet. “That’s the second time you pushed me in harm’s way! And the first time was with a whole pack of wild animals!”

“You’re still fine, right?” she asked.

Collin let out a “ha!” followed by a “no.”

“Don’t ever do that again,” he said, folding his arms. The cherubs waved their hands and their clothes and skin were repaired.

Just then, the door solely opened. A woman dressed in a black robe stared into the distance. “Hello?”

“Down here,” said Cletus. She looked down with surprise in her eyes.

“May I help you?”

“Hi,” said Cletus. “We got lost from our home and now we have nowhere to go. May we stay for a bit?”

The woman peered closer at them, narrowing her eyes. “You three look familiar…”

The cherubs gulped. Seconds dragged on.

“Do I know you?”

“Um…” Cletus began, sweat trickling down his forehead.

“Of course!” she called, standing up. “You’re those guardian angels who go out and save people, yes?”

Cletus stood proudly. “Yep, that’s us!” The other two let out soft gasps and looked at Cletus in worry.

The woman looked around. “Hurry, inside now,” she said. “The world is full of people willing to take advantage of you savior children.”

The cherubs bowed in thanks before heading through the door.

“Technically, I’m twenty-four,” Cletus muttered.

“I thought we were hundreds of years old,” wondered Keenie.

Collin grinned, redness briefly spreading to his cheeks. “You’re so beautiful, you don’t look a year over two-hundred.”

Keenie “bahed” at him in annoyance before they made it into the main chamber. The high vaulted ceiling made even the cherub angels feel small. The sky was a dark indigo through the opening above. Rows of arched gaps circled the area near the ceiling, and stone pillars held the ceiling on either side. The floor was in a black and white checkered pattern while a few Greek inspired designs caught Cletus’ attention. The rows of seats were polished and clean, and several white candles were lit in holders, emitting a peaceful glow.

The woman made way for them and came back with a bowl of fruit and grass. Collin munched on blueberries, Keenie on pineapple slices and Cletus started on red apples. Cletus stared into the apple’s red surface. “Just like the Garden of Eden,” he said to himself. “When Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge, she had disobeyed God’s order. She gave the fruit to Adam who then ate one. God banished them from the Garden, cursed them to grow old and die…thus began the fall of man…”

Cletus stared closely at the apple’s surface, the red morphing into the face of a red goat. A grin of sharp white teeth, red eyes surrounded by black, a glowing black Ring with a Roman numeral five on it…

“Are you okay?” Collin asked.

Cletus whipped his head to Collin. “Oh yes, I’m fine, I’m fine,” he said, forcing a grin.

Cletus turned and set the apple aside.

“I sure hope we don’t age too,” Keenie added in concern. “I don’t want to lose my pretty face and looks.”

“That inventor managed to survive for a while,” Collin said.

“Barely,” Cletus mentioned.

“We’re still angels,” mentioned Collin. “It is very rare for us to be erased from existence without good reason…”

“Please don’t say such things!” mumbled Keenie.

The woman went up to the ornate alter and poured in some herbs into an incense burner. The smell of frankincense and myrrh calmed the cherubs down after a while.

“I’ll leave you to it,” said the woman. “Stay for as long as you need but stay out of sight more often than naught. If you need anything, just let me know. Be careful dear sheep babies.”

“Bless you miss,” said Cletus.

The cherubs bowed in thanks as she left.

“Sheep babies?” Cletus scowled. “I’m not a freaking baby!”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Collin.

Keenie walked up to a stone basin nearby as Collin and Cletus bickered for a bit. Gazing in a small pool of holy water, Keenie thought she saw a ghostly face of a pale woman with long blonde hair, a black crown and large curved horns. The face briefly shifted to another white face with orange eyes and flaming wild auburn colored hair. She blinked a few times and it was gone. She only saw her wide-eyed reflection faintly on the surface. She turned away and arrived beside her comrades.

The altar before them was made of gold, as was the ornate cross situated on top.

Keenie, Collin and Cletus knelt down in prayer, tears falling from their faces.

“Oh mighty Lord, please have mercy on us,” Cletus said. “Please forgive us for the mistakes we made here on Earth.”

“Father…we only tried to help a broken man get onto the right path,” Keenie said. “We didn’t mean to kill him.”

“We just want to go home,” Collin added. “We’ll take whatever punishment you give us but please…tell us if there is anything we can do…”

More moments passed as night fell. Stars and a moon were visible through the glass windows.

“God help the outcasts,” Collin chanted softly. “God help our cherub people. We look to you still. If you can’t help us, nobody will.”

“I ask for glory. I ask for fame. I ask for redemption to shine on our name,” added Cletus.

Keenie continued the chant. “We ask for your guidance, a way to get by. Help us right our fate, listen to our cry.”

Cletus finished, “Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost, please watch over us.”

All three said “Amen!” before a colorful portal of clouds opened above them. The cherubs each looked up.

“Lord Gabriel?” asked Cletus. “Is that you?”

A sound of clapping hooves greeted them, followed by a haughty laugh.

“My my, what a marvelous…pitiful performance!”

The brown furry face of a winged deer cherub came into view. A sense of smugness and superiority was clearly reflected in her eyes.

“Deerie?!” the cherubs cried, their faces morphing into angry scowls.

“Wow, I’d expect a more proper welcome from deferential devotees such as yourselves. The human world getting to you so soon?”

“What are you doing here?” Keenie asked. “We called for Gabriel.”

“Gabriel sends you his best regards, and says that you guys can rise again and be fully redeemed after a while…”

The cherubs smiled until she added, “heheh, yeah, no.”

Their faces fell.

“I’m afraid you guys can’t re-enter Heaven, like I said before. Nothing you can do about it. Rules and all.”

Cletus turned red in the face. “But it was an accident! The imps fought us off. They were the ones trying to kill Lyle Lipton!”

“But they didn’t, correct? Based on what Heaven has seen, you three not only killed Lyle unintentionally…but you caused much more death and suffering.”

“What?!” all three cried out.

Collin thought back to all the dead audience members. They had been so involved in fighting off their rivals that they didn’t even notice them.

“It was I.M.P.’s fault!” Keenie argued.

“Yes, but you also played a role in it,” Deerie explained. “You blindly shot your arrow, which later caused the piano to crush the old man. We see everything, you know.”

Cletus then turned to Collin. “About that time earlier when you said it ‘wasn’t completely my fault…’”

Collin stood his ground. “It was though. It was all our faults.” He jabbed a hoof into Cletus. “But you were so adamant to kill off those imps that you didn’t consider who else would be at risk. We should’ve taken the fight outside! I tried to tell you guys earlier!”

“You’re a literal sheep,” Cletus replied, getting into Collin’s face. “You never said a word; you just followed my orders like you were supposed to.”

“Those imps are nothing more than dirt that the dead tread on,” Keenie added. “We may be angels, but we never go down without a fight. Surely you’d do well with being less of a wimp, Collin.”

Collin scoffed. “I’m sorry. I thought we were supposed to be the good guys. The loving guardians who actually help those we meet. I just realized that we didn’t let Lyle Lipton learn his little lesson.”

“Five times fast,” Cletus snickered, but Collin ignored him.

“We didn’t tell Lyle how sinful it is to be so immersed in his own greed. He really could’ve used his riches for good if we had stayed to help him like we were supposed to! We should’ve explained to our victims why any of their bad behaviors were wrong. But instead we just left them all behind!”

“What did you think we were trying to do?!” Keenie yelled. “We showed him nature, childhood wonderment, young love and the arts. And it would’ve worked if it weren’t for those meddlesome…”

“You done?” Deerie casually asked in the air. She finished filing her hooves and had a bag of popcorn with her. The cherubs turned back to her.

“Far from it, bitch!” Keenie yelled.

“Language!” Collin warned.

“You three have learned nothing, huh? You see scraps, I was briefly summoned here by you guys and I gotta get back soon, so I may as well elaborate on your consequences. Let’s see…”

Deerie summoned her clipboard and her reading glasses. On her notepad, she had drawn cats and Invader Zim characters. A side note read “more musical episodes?”

“Not only did you kill one human, but you also killed multiple mortals in the theater. This has made Azrael, the Angel of Death very upset. There are many people that are chosen to die at certain times and let me tell you, having to cross and uncross multiple names can get pretty irksome.”

The cherubs stood silent.

“In other words, you’re also in trouble for simply…oh I don’t know…doing a business and going to Earth without the permission from your superiors! A big no-no.”

“But we were saving people’s lives, and teaching them God’s true path…” Cletus began.

“…or more than likely, saving humans just to boost about your company accomplishments.”

“I knew it!” Collin called, glaring at Cletus. “Our main purpose is to help humans because it’s the right thing to do. I knew I should have stayed at my record-keeping job.”

“You and Keenie thought joining C.H.E.R.U.B. with me was a good idea and it was!” Cletus protested.

“Cherubs are supposed to do various record keeping for soul count, religions, sins and choices made by humans etc.,”Deerie said. “Just proves that I do my job better than you three after all!”

Keenie smirked. “You sure you’re still not jealous because we got to go on exciting adventures? That we became more famous than you?”

Deerie chuckled. “More like infamous now. Cletus especially, you gave into your pride and wrath during the fight. You cherubs are supposed to help spread the holy word of God, and not go into the human world unless necessary.”

The cherubs lowered their heads a bit.

“Not to mention several people you saved ended up as criminals. You know, the kind of people who abuse their children, scam others into giving them money, enslaving citizens in other countries…”

“How were we supposed to know all of that?!” Keenie cried. “We saved their lives at the request of their loved ones in Heaven!”

“Which, in turn can cause more global suffering and even an altering of history itself,” Deerie explained. “Lyle was destined to die and go to Hell anyway. Your actions are not befitting to your titles as cherubs in the first place. I’m surprised no one has managed to sell you on the black market yet. I guess you can be referred to as…black sheep now!”

Deerie burst into laughter, slapping her furry knees.

“Get out,” Cletus muttered.

Deerie laughed some more, wiping tears from her large eyes. “Oh dearie me, I’m so clever!”

Cletus thought he saw a grinning man’s face with red eyes and licking his lips behind Deerie.

Cletus shook the vision away before yelling, “No I’m serious, get the fuck out!”

“Language!” the other three shouted, their voices echoing in the vast space. The silence was deafening. Or the noises were hearing.

“Well then, I wish you three a fun time on Earth,” Deerie said. “Feel free to not call me again. I have no use dealing with fallen sheep anyway.”

“Can you at least tell us what will happen to us next?” Collin asked.

“Oh that’s actually pretty simple,” Deerie explained. “I.M.P. will be dealt with in due time. But as for you three…”

She pointed her hooves at Collin, Cletus and Keenie, who each gasped in turn. “In Gabriel’s words: ‘You will still redeem and protect human souls but this time under closer supervision. You will learn to live among them for a while in the hopes that your arrogance toward those different from yourselves will subside over time. Only after your true redemption may you return to Heaven. I have the utmost faith in you.’ End quote.”

The three cherubs sighed in relief.

“Oh one last thing,” Deerie grinned. “I forgot to tell you the best part.” Collin and the others did not like the look on her face.

Deerie continued. “Now that you’re here on Earth, you will all be vulnerable to human emotions and sins. Pride, greed, lust, anger, you know it.”

“Not gonna happen lady,” Keenie spat with her hands on her hips.

“Everyone save for God has flaws. You didn’t think that redeeming yourselves would be a stroll in the clouds did you?”

The cherubs looked at each other.

“Yeah, so basically you all have a limited time to prove yourselves on Earth. A couple days at the very least?”

Collin whimpered with droopy ears as his white halo above him briefly flickered.

“Yeah, so if you don’t complete your mission in time…it’s a one-way trip down for you!”

The cherubs yelled while grabbing onto each other.

“Yes indeed!” Deerie said. “I can see you three reluctantly joining up with I.M.P.’s rivals to enact your revenge, turning into the winged devils you were destined to become!”

“Nooooooo!” they cried in horror.

Deerie then let out a childish laugh, waving her hoof. “But hey, that’s just a theory! I look forward to hearing about your…pandemonium adventures in the next few episodes!”

Deerie waved and called, “That’s a wrap! Bye!”

Cletus charged at her again, but she vanished through the portal and it closed.

“No, no, no!” Cletus sobbed again, his co-workers comforting him.

After several minutes, the cherubs stared at the stars and moon through one long window.

“You know guys,” Collin admitted, “Though you might be a pain in my behind at times, you’re still like my family. Whether we’re in Heaven, Earth or Hell…we can get through anything as long as we stick together.”

Keenie gave Collin a comforting side hug. Cletus soon joined in and he sighed. “That’s one thing we can all agree on.”

After staring at the heavens, Cletus said, “We’d better rest up…we have lots of work to do.”

The three cherubs huddled together underneath another Christmas tree, sleeping on a comfortable red rug.

Though the mighty had fallen, they could only hope that the meek could rise.

#helluvaboss #cherub

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sapphiccritique · 4 years

Text

Character study plus observations of lesbophobic and misogynistic online discourse on LIHKG with regards to a queer JAV porn-star

SapphicCritique here again. Today, I would like to introduce an awesome queer celebrity to you and be a killjoy and rant about what I find to be troubling lesbophobic and misogynistic online discourse on LIHKG in a discussion thread of running commentary on Shiina Sora’s performance in her newest films. I am not going to expose the usernames of these forum participants, but I am going to quote some of them in this blog.

Shiina Sora is this hot JAV porn-star who came out as a lesbian ciswoman in the year 2013. She is open about her sexual orientation and her personal love life and even produced a series of real-life sex documentary called ‘Bibians’ with her ex-girlfriend (then girlfriend) in the years 2013-2015, making her a pioneer as the first gay woman to come out in the industry in Japan and the first star to produce a real-life sex documentary with her actual lover. Her godly status in the industry is seen in her title, the female version of Taka Kato the Adult Films King (unrelated: why is the male version unmarked and the female marked?) Her performance in adult films is subversive due to her queer identity and high acceptance of different forms of sex. She is supportive of queer rights and sex-positivity, and she is also an active fighter on the front of dispersing AIDS-related attacks on the gay community. She is also known for her genderfucking performance as an occasional casual drag king and a woman penetrating man in some of her films.

(Shiina Sora with her signature pose, with the same name as her self-dubbed title, the god of Teman [fingering in Japanese])

The discussion thread I meant to discuss here shows the construction of gender ideals on digital media through a homosocial, misogynistic and heteronormative discourse. Namely, it is an online co-construction and re-articulation of the tough masculinity ideal which involves homophobic slurs and sexual objectification of women as vile bodies. It is needless to say I was very mad and dumbfounded to see some forum participants of LIHKG take this female subject who is queer and assumed agency through her openness about sex out of context and objectify her as merely “the sex” and the queer other, and proceed to talk about conquering this “unattainable prize” in the language of rape culture. I believe that online discourse and social reality are co-dependent and what we talk or hear about online affects how we think and act in real life. Therefore, it is highly meaningful for us to always question how online discourse is shaped in such a way that it both informs and re-articulates gender ideals both online and in real life.

Some of what these forum participants said brought my attention to their alarming lesbophobia and how it is vastly different from homophobia charged towards gay men. Some of the forum participants said and I quote, “Fucking a pretty tomboy is THE dream. Fuck her so hard until she turns fucking straight.” “Since she admitted to the public what her sexual orientation is, it makes it that much more exciting to jerk off to her films.” “Cunt’s fucking unwilling face when she’s getting fucked… like it is I who is fucking her out of her mind and reverting her into a damn normal woman.” It seems significant that this kind of “conversion by sex” criticism is phallocentric, and I seldom hear of criticism of male-identified homosexual people in the same manner. I wonder if it has to do with the notions of the penis as powerful and the man as the conqueror. In this discussion thread, I also catch some hints of gay-suspecting in the forum participants. Some are dissatisfied that one of them found Shiina’s gender performance of ‘female masculinity’ hot and subjugated him to gay-shaming, insinuating that maybe he “wanted to be fucked by her wearing a strap-on dildo” and was latently gay, thereby not belonging there with them. I wonder if these two ideas are conflicting, or if they are two facets of one tough masculinity ideal. Why in the homosocial interaction, the majority of the participants policed dealignment from heterosexual masculinity through a homophobic discourse? Why did one person’s dealignment harm the group’s heterosexual masculinity?

The group-dynamics in this online locker-room talk is so strange when I notice that both online and in real life, some men tend to boast of their sexual conquests (or made-up sexual conquests) and that it is strictly homosocial yet universal, almost as if they either want or need to massage their and each other’s egos by upholding this façade under some kind of peer pressure. It is deeply troubling that they do not see (or they knowingly ignore) the misogyny in this behaviour. I seldom find women doing this. I think I first became aware of this kind of behaviour when reading Deborah Cameron’s blog, language: a feminist guide, where she noted that nearly all men partake in misogynistic conversation to uphold a kind of strictly heterosexual masculinity and foster heterosexual homosociality, to distance themselves from any doubt that they could be homosexual and thereby not masculine. This leads me to ponder the heterosexual matrix proposed by Judith Butler in Gender Trouble, where sex shapes gender and then shapes desire, and all of them work in tandem with each other such that each one affirms or negates the other. If you are born with a penis, you are a guy and you love women. Contradicting one of these three notions will disqualify the other two. As such, a man who loves another man is not ‘masculine’, and thus is ‘less than’ a man. (huge urgh) In this thread, it seems that it is imperative for these ‘straight cismen’ to appreciate and police Shiina’s body in a misogynist conquering manner while putting down any dissenting gender performance (such as appreciating Shiina’s manliness) lest it harms the masculinity of the whole.

Another thing that I deem worth looking into is the conflicting desire that the forum participants voice out in the thread. On one hand, they seemed to enjoy criticizing the Shiina’s body and her performance, comparing her to the mainstream porn-star persona. On the other hand, they value her uniqueness and unattainable status, claiming it makes her hotter. This is shown when they argued that as a “tomboy”, she is very hot because “tomboys” are “unattainable” (by men) in real life. At the same time, some of them argued that she can’t be a real lesbian and must instead be a bisexual woman (and must be by deduction “attainable”) (as if women are objects to be acquired) (huger ugh). Why is an ‘unattainable’ female person both more appealing and less appealing to them?

Yet another mystery bigger than the discussion thread itself is the thread’s oddity in the forum. Although LIHKG users often joke that there are no “sisters” (female users) in the forum and all those whose user name is red (it can be either red or blue) are gay male users, not female users, they also good-naturedly joke that it is the largest local gay forum. They say so because there are often posts advocating for queer rights or promoting equality movements in Hong Kong, and when it is discussed as a big topic, it is more well-received than hated. But in this discussion thread, I see homophobia dominating and underlining a misogynistic discussion over a female body. I can’t help but wonder, where do participants draw the line? What makes the political queer matters serious and deserving support, but Shiina and her fans laughing stocks?

(meme with the caption: LIHKG The largest local gay forum)

I am probably reading too much out of what these men called ‘having a bit of fun’. But it is definitely not okay when it is at the expense of women or queer people. In fact, it is not okay on any person, and I am not merely being a killjoy when I problematize online discourse oozing in misogyny and lesbophobia. Online discourse and social reality are co-dependent and what we talk or hear about online always affects how we think and act in real life. Normalizing sexual objectification by letting it pass us by without comment is dangerous. We can never be too careful what we take in unconsciously and when we inadvertently help re-articulate ‘toxic’ gender ideals.

#shiina sora #bibians #lihkg #gender performativity #locker room talk #group dynamics #masculinity #Feminism #queer

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dboliklover · 5 years

Text

Subaru Easter Smut

Subaru - Pregnant, vanilla(?), overstimulation

Warning: Pregnancy. I know some people have a fear of it (Tbh, so do I, but I’m only afraid of getting knocked up in real life, so I like it in fiction) but just so everyone is aware, this does follow the pregnancy of the reader from conception to the second trimester, so be wary.

Finally got around to continuing this series. Kanato and Azusa are both gonna be left for last, sorry Kanato/Azusa-fuckers. And this is as vanilla as I get, but I needed some soft-core Subaru in my life.

Also,,,,I needed some soft Subaru in my life, so I apologise this isn’t a rough-fuckin’ but I fucking love Subaru so much and he deserves love and happiness in his life-

Please give feedback. I worked SO hard on this and appreciate comments and reblogs and debates/conversations based on my writing! It encourages me to write more.

also:

You have been married to Subaru for two whole years now. It was something which was still difficult for him to believe, every night he fell asleep beside you he expected to wake up the next morning in an empty bed only to find out his life with you had been nothing but a beautiful, hopeless dream.

You knew your husband’s worries and sorrows, and it pained you to know that he carried such immense emotional loads by himself, and so you tried to soothe and assure him to the best of your abilities.

You had some wonderful news for your husband, which you were certain would bring him immense joy, and yet...you also feared his reaction. You’d recently found out about your pregnancy. It was something that caused you the utmost joy when you first discovered your sickness was actually caused by the life growing inside of you.

You knew Subaru would make the ideal father, how could he not? He was...perfect, really - even if he didn’t believe he was.

But you also knew he had a deep-rooted fear of being like his father. You knew, of course, that there was no way in hell he’d ever become such a monstrous man. You knew who you married, and you were more than certain that he would be the best father to ever grace this earth. Nonetheless, this was still a huge step in your marriage - babies were a lot of responsibility, and this would be a whole person that you would both have to care for and love - but it was also a symbol of the deep love between you and Subaru; you literally created life from the love you had for one another.

So, anxiously, you tried to find a way of telling him. It was immensely stressful for you, the worry only piling on with every minute away from him. Should you try and be sly about it? Find a ‘cute’ way of telling him? Just be blunt? So many possibilities and you simply did not know how to tell him.

Thankfully for you, your husband walked into your shared bedroom, the moon slowly rising in the night sky. Like usually, you rose from your position on the bed and rushed over to him to greet him, wrapping your hands around his neck and feeling safe and protected as he pulled you closer, kissing you with sensual gentleness. He was a rough man, but would often treat you like a delicate rose that could be torn at the slightest of harsh touches. Sometimes, he did hurt you - accidentally, of course, and then it would take a lot of convincing from your end to assure him that it wasn’t any major harm. He feared so deeply that he’d harm you and that you’d leave him for it, that if he even as much as caused a small bruise on your perfect skin he would freak out and feel obligated to spend months atoning for something that he did not need to atone for.

In truth, you loved how gentle he could be with you. The only times he ever got rough, sexually, was when he was jealous. You loved those moments too, because gentle or rough, Subaru always managed to bring you the pleasure that you were sure you would never find elsewhere.

“Good evening, darling.” You whispered sweetly to him, your voice soft as your senses were overwhelmed with the scent of your beloved. It took a long time to get him used to the concept of pet names, but eventually, he got used to them. “Good evening…” Subaru sighed, you could tell, without even looking at him, that he was blushing, “...My love.” he said the words with hesitance, and you knew it was because he still couldn’t quite get over the idea of calling you pet names. He was really trying to do so, though, because he knew you enjoyed it.

You felt your levels of anxiety rising, knowing you’d have to confess your pregnancy tonight; you couldn’t keep this from him any longer.

Hesitantly, you pulled away from him, which cause Subaru to worry almost immediately when he saw the anxiety within your eyes.

“Subaru…” You spoke gently, with hesitant uncertainty, before you took his hand in yours and pulled him over to sit on the bed, as you went to get something, telling him to sit and wait.

“I...I have something I have to show you.”

When you came back, you were carrying a little box with you that was tied loosely with a white ribbon. Nervously, you practically shoved it in his face.

Surprised by your sudden, confusing behaviour and the fact you shoved a box in his face, he took it from you and untied the ribbon, letting it fall onto the ground.

You stood, trying to soothe your body from shaking in anxiety. This was a huge step for your marriage, and you just hoped he’d react positively - or even neutrally, just...as long as it wouldn’t be...negative.

His body stiffened and froze as his beautiful eyes widened at the sight of what this little box held within it.

A pregnancy test.

A positive pregnancy test.

Subaru swallowed thickly, and you braced yourself for the worst.

“Is it...is it true?” He asked, looking up at you, his expression fragile and delicate. Unable to speak, you merely nodded your head, trying to smile through your nervousness.

Subaru was silent for several moments, visibly processing the information.

“This is...this is amazing.” He choked up, something he rarely did. You’ve only seen Subaru cry three times before; Once when he broke down in front of you, once on your wedding day, and now.

“S-Subaru?” Your voice was shaky as well, not sure if this was a good or bad sign, but your doubts were soon put to rest as he moved the box out of the way, stood in front of you and pulled you tightly into his chest, you could feel his body shake with suppressed sobs.

Your heart felt so warm as you realised that he was crying from what seemed to be pure happiness. So you hoped, at least. Your own eyes soon filled with tears, and the two of you hold one another in a tight embrace.

You stayed like that for a while, just crying and holding one another until Subaru finally pulled away, and placed his forehead on yours. “...Thank you” Subaru muttered softly, smiling. You have given him the perfect life, and for this, he would be eternally grateful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the next several weeks, Subaru was truly the perfect husband, albeit a bit too overprotective. You were hardly even showing, and he was already acting as though you were nine-months-pregnant; refusing to let you do anything remotely physically difficult. This was sweet to begin with, but after a while, the cuteness of it wore off and began to annoy you.

“I’m pregnant! Not dying!” You argued with him, pouting as you laid in bed. Subaru sighed, shaking his head at your (admittedly adorable) complaining. “You need to rest, (Y/N).” He stood his ground as he got dressed, getting ready to go downstairs and get you something to eat. For the first few days having your loving husband bring you breakfast in bed was a novelty and wonderfully exciting. Soon, though, that novelty wore off. You were a bit over a month pregnant, and you weren’t even really showing just yet - you were perfectly capable of making your own meals, cleaning and taking care of yourself. Unfortunately, Subaru did not seem to share that way of thinking and believed that even the slightest straining would cause harm to you and the baby.

“Urgh...Subaru…!” You whined softly, pouting harder, hoping he’d look at you and give in to your request of doing nothing more than just making your own meal.

You could tell your husband was trying with all his might to not give in to your pleas, but his naturally protective instincts demanded he keeps you in bed, safe and sound.

However...he was also always so weak when it came to you, and as such he sighed and gave in.

“...Fine, but only if I’m around. And only until you start showing-” before Subaru could continue, you cut him off with a joyful squeal, thankful that he’d finally allow you to actually do things for yourself again. You crawled out of bed, bad rushed to get dressed as Subaru had to hold himself back from attempting to ‘help’ you.

The idea of you, being pregnant was still something so...beautifully strange and difficult for him to properly wrap his head around. You were pregnant….with a baby. His baby.

Subaru had never really considered having an actual family of his own; he always believed himself to be too fucked up to ever be loved, and he always believed it would be cruel to bring life into such an unforgiving world. But then...he met you, and all that just changed.

He owed so much to you, and he knew that he did not deserve you in the slightest, but yet here you were, so devoted and loving and caring that every single day with you felt like a dream.

Hell, he still couldn’t believe how patient you had been with him, especially when you first met. He was so...violent and aggressive. He supposed he still could be, at times. His hidden inner trauma coming back up every so often, but every time he felt he was falling into the dark, you would be there to hold him up and lead him back into the light. If there was one thing Subaru was grateful for in his whole entire life, it was you.

And now...you’re going to give him the one thing he never thought he’d have. A family.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Throughout the rest of your first trimester, Subaru (hesitantly) kept to his promise of allowing you to do things for yourself, much to your joy. Though, by the time your second trimester came along, he quickly became twice as protective as he was before.

You were beginning to show now, your stomach full of growing life. Not to mention; you were absolutely glowing.

It was the point in the pregnancy where you were still happy and the life within you was still an exciting prospect, but before the immense mood swings, swollen feet and sore backs. You’d have some...negative symptoms of course, such as a mood swing here and there (you felt kind of bad with how panicked Subaru looked every time you had one of them and went from laughing to crying to demanding the strangest foods) but Subaru was truly the perfect husband who always helped you past any struggles thus far.

Though….one thing that bothered you immensely was that he seemed afraid to touch you. He’d hold you close and cuddle with you, but it wasn’t the same. He’d always been afraid fo being too rough with you, but now that you were pregnant he suddenly became convinced that the tiniest harsh movement would shatter you like a porcelain doll.

Unfortunately for you, pregnancy was making you rather….well, needy. Specifically, a sexual kind of needy. Your hormones were wild and you were craving your husband to relief you from this sexual struggle.

He’d gotten it into his mind, though, that if he sleeps with you whilst pregnant it’ll somehow cause a tragedy to occur, which truly pissed your hormonal, pregnant self off.

You were not above begging him to fuck you if that’s what it’d take.

So, when he went out to get some of the strange food supplies that you craved, you ‘freshened’ yourself up, making sure to wear some sexy lingerie, that thankfully still fit, but your bra was a tad….tight around your swollen breasts, which would surely begin to lactate any day now. Your panties were low-cut, which was perfect since it outlined your growing stomach full of life. Brushing your hair in a way that made you look like a cute little forest nymph, you climbed on your shared bed after laying it out in a ‘romantic’ way, waiting for him to get back to your bedroom.

When Subaru opened the door to your shared room, he was not prepared to see you, his beloved pregnant wife, laying on the bed in the most arousing position he’s ever seen, hand on your swollen belly. He froze, but then quickly shut and locked your bedroom door, the possessive vampiric instincts raging at the mere thought of any of his brothers seeing you like this. He was really fighting with himself, because, damn, you looked so desirable and he wanted nothing more than to absolutely ravish you at that moment, the carnal need within him to fill you over and over again. But he was also far too afraid of harming you and, as such, he was fighting a self-imposed war.

You noticed this and put your finger to your glossy lips, eyes drooped in a sensual way that was screaming for him to come and fuck you. “Subaru~” You softly moaned out his name, trying to seduce your husband into letting go of whatever fear of harming you he has, trying to appeal to his animalistic side.

“(Y-Y/N)...” He audibly gulped, with every moment it was getting harder for him to resist his internal desires.

“W-What if I hurt you?” He questioned, his voice shaky at the mere idea of such a thing, “-You won’t.” Your tone was sincere, your smile assuring as you opened your arms and moved them to where he was standing. “Please come to me...I need you so much, my love…”

Subaru was hesitant, but yet he also could no longer fight his instincts. Besides, you were looking so sweet and arousing, practically begging him to make love to you.

He walked over to you, and you smiled brightly, your smile only pulling him further in. His unbeating heart seemed to be pounding - no matter how impossible that may be.

You put your hand on his shirt and pulled him down to you, softly crashing your lips against his as you lip-locked. Subaru kissed you gently, with notable delicacy as he did not wish to bring any pain to you. Soon, though, your husband melted into the kiss and you scooted up the bed, so he could climb on top of you.

Your skin was so hot, every touch felt more intense than you remembered. Perhaps it was the fact you hadn’t made love in several months now, or maybe the pregnancy hormones increasing your sensitivity and pleasure, but the way his cold hands felt on your hot skin was mindblowing.

The kisses also became more heated, as you wrapped your hands in Subaru’s snow-white hair, as your arousal rose with every kiss and every sensation.

“S-Subaru..” You moaned out in carnal pleasure, finally getting what you’ve been craving for these past few months. You swore you were beginning to go into withdrawal from not making love to Subaru for so long!

This man had you addicted to him, you loved and adored everything about him.

As he pulled away from your lips, a string of saliva connected the two of you together, your mind hazy and eyes lustful, as you began to undress his shirt, whilst he started to kiss your jaw and neck. Feeling his wet lips on your weak spots brought you to the most euphoric paradise, it was something you never wanted to end.

In the moment of sensuality, Subaru’s possessive instincts demanded him to leave his marks on you, and that was exactly what he did. Love bites covered your neck from top to bottom, you would surely be unable to conceal them after tonight, and that fact only increased his arousal.

How he managed to get such a wonderful, beautiful wife, he had no idea. But you were his wife and he wanted everyone to know that.

Once you finally got his shirt off, you placed your hands all over his chiselled chest, moaning at the feeling of his skin on yours. While your hands were exploring his naked chest, his were moving down the valley of your breasts, to your swollen stomach as he ran his hands over and over your baby bump, feeling nothing but the highest amount of pure happiness as he did so.

Inside you was the life you created together.

“...Our baby.” He growled possessively, as he moved his face down, kissing your breasts, ribcage and then your stomach, leaving hot kisses all over your skin.

By now your core was burning like a deadly fire, demanding your husband’s seed to fill your insides.

“S-Subaru..!” a whine escaped you as he lowered himself from the bed and between your legs, your cunt was now blazing hot and dripping your slick juices. His cold breath contrasted with the flame inside you and was enough to almost make you cum. Your breath hitched and you could feel yourself whining even more for him.

Subaru smirked to himself as he started to eat you out, his tongue thrusting inside and out of you, his speed picking up and eventually he started to not only shove his long, wet tongue in and out but also used his entire mouth to kiss your whole core, sending shivers from your spine down to your entire body.

You chanted his name like a mantra, constantly moaning it out. Hearing your aroused voice only served to increase his libido, as he continued to mercilessly lick you out. You could feel the pressure in your abdomen increase and you came in no time, your high lasting longer than usual. And yet, Subaru did not cease his assault on your core, continuing to suck you dry of your juices, you had long since last track of any sense of time but you were sure he must have been eating you out for at least fifteen minutes, or at the very least it sure felt like it. By the end of it, you had lost track of the times you’ve had an orgasm, but you estimated you must’ve cum at least eight times. Your core was immensely sensitive and raw, but your libido still not nearly satisfied. No, you needed to feel your husbands heat inside you

“Subaru, please! Please just...just make love to me, properly!” Your voice filled with need and longing, and he could no longer hold back. His member was painfully erect and the need to fill you to the brim was overwhelming. Kissing you once more, He hurriedly took off his pants and boxers, and lined himself up with your core.

You pulled him down to kiss you as he thrust into you, both of you loudly moaning into the kiss at the feeling of him inside of you. Your walls were clamped around him so tightly and he had to stop himself from cumming right there and then. You always fit around him so perfectly that he was convinced you were destined for him and just for him.

Slowly thrusting in and out of you causing lewd sighs to escape both your lips in unison as you moved together in impeccable rhythm.

Everything about this was so fucking amazing; from the friction between his cock and your core, from the heat of your body mixed with his, from the constant kisses of love and desire you kept sharing….you always knew you had the perfect marriage, and this proved it.

Eventually, he picked up speed, and you wrapped your legs around his waist to pull him into you deeper. Your swollen breasts bounced roughly as he pounded into you, it was slightly rough but also controlled and not too rough - he was holding himself back because of the baby.

Your shared moans filled your bedroom, and you were so loud you were sure that your moan could be heard throughout the whole manor but neither of you cared about that at this moment.

Subaru placed his head close to your shoulder, biting down and nibbling on your exposed skin as his cock made harmonically animalistic love to you.

Hearing his name escape your red, puffy lips was bringing him so close to his edge.

Your husband always had great endurance, however, you did not. As such, you kept endlessly cumming on his cock, scratching his back roughly out of sheer ecstasy as he relentlessly bruised your walls.

After what must have been almost a full hour, he finally felt himself coming close to his final edge, and he increased his speed, causing one final orgasm from you as he buried himself into you as deep as he could go, his thick, hot seed overflowing inside you.

You were both panting and smiling, as he kissed you again and again after, still not pulling out even as he softened inside you.

“I love you...so fucking much…” The emotion inside him was overwhelming, and you could see the softest tears of love gathering in his eyes. Your hand touched his cheek as you soothed him, and placed his hand on your stomach. “We love you too.”

- Mod Rozalia

ps: this is only been proof-read once, so if you see mistakes hmu! I’ll edit it.

Please give feedback. I worked SO hard on this and appreciate comments and reblogs and debates/conversations based on my writing! It encourages me to write more.

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