5D Earth: Our Imminent Future
5D Earth: Our Imminent Future (I think a lot of this will actually happen)
2050: SpiritSpeak device allows people to communicate with spirit guides, aliens, nonhumans, and spirit family members face to face.
Humans can do jobs and not have to survive. Robots/A.I. do menial work, vehicles can fly or drive by themselves. There are rocket tours of various planets like the moon and Mars, where there are already human colonies set up. Teleportation also exists and there are teleportation machines where people get into protective suits and can appear in another teleportation machine across the world. Clothing can shapeshift into various colors and types and can regulate temperature. Holographic communication with other people at any time can be done with a push of a button.
Alternative health methods are included which focus on sound, crystals, herbs, Reki, chakra activation, and aura healing, thus typical chronic diseases like cancer are uncommon and more easily cured. Human lifespan is now 160 years thanks to cell anti-aging technology.
Non-psychic people and people with no access to technology are now in the minority!
Hathor Healers: Sound healing performed by aliens from Venus interacting with humans.
Mars Masters: Mars starseed program to help conserve water and practice spiritual and physical self-defense, especially against Draconians, Reptilians and astral parasites.
Galactic Federation: a group of aliens and advanced entities that keep the universe in check.
Deity honor group: psychics, historians, priests, priestesses etc. teach people about deities and ascended masters and how to show respect to them.
Nature Spirit Conservation/University: Programs to teach people how to treat nature spirits, fairies, elves, nyads, etc. with respect and love.
Animal Allies: groups to help protect animals and animal spirits, can aid in psychic pet bonding. There are devices that can translate animal and plant thoughts to humans.
Human government council can communicate with aliens, ascended masters etc. on holographic screens like an advanced United Nations.
All Lives Therapy (ALT): Many megacompanies that focus on healing not only the current self but the soul and the unconscious. One is religion centered, one New Age, one scientific and several are tribal/cultural. There are nine types.
Dream Therapists: helps people record and understand their dreams. The least expensive of the nine types.
Current Life Therapists: focus on current soul purpose, psychology, health, and childhood. Can record private memories for families to watch on a screen with the help from a trustworthy psychic and spirit guides. Also provides typical communication therapy for those not as spiritually inclined.
Past Life Therapists: can work with kids, teens, and adults with past life memories and with a device, can show scenes from past lives on a screen. A psychic joins in to access the Akashic Records and get permission from the spirit guides to record the past life scenes for the client and family to see without having to go through a Near Death Experience, through a regression or to meditate for long periods of time. They also do regression and help heal traumas, illness, and karmic cycles. The client decides whether or not to share the info with others but the practitioners must keep any information confidential. Hiring family therapists and psychics is more expensive, but it is worth it for many, especially if they are also part of the same soul group.
Spirit Life Therapists: works with people to interpret their spirit life reviews and life planning before birth, showing scenes of their life in spirit form on screen. Also works with psychics for families and like past life therapists, they have to keep the scenes confidential for the family. The clients decide whether or not to share their soul adventures with others. Permission is granted or denied to the psychic and therapist by the spirit guides, Akashic Record spirit keepers and council of elders involved. Â They help the client stay grounded in their current life and not miss Source (the genderless love energy we call God that made and is everything)/their home world too much. It is the second most expensive type of divine therapy behind Future Life Therapy.
Future Life Therapists: can show brief scenes from a clientâs future and any future lives that are happening at the same time as the clientâs current life. The most expensive of the types.
Alien Life Therapists: Helps clients discover their lifetimes as starseeds/aliens. The lives can be shown on screen or they can be regressed or done through trance/astral projection.
Elemental Life Therapists: Helps clients discover their lifetimes as mythical creatures, fairies, elves, dragons, air, rocks, or any sentient being in nature that helps evolve the Earth. The lives can be shown on screen or they can be regressed or done through trance/astral projection.
Plant Life Therapists: Helps clients discover their lifetimes as plants, trees, flowers etc. on Earth or on other planets. The lives can be shown on screen or they can be regressed or done through trance/astral projection.
Animal Life Therapists: Helps clients discover their lifetimes as various animals and creatures, on Earth or on other planets/dimensions. The lives can be shown on screen or they can be regressed or done through trance/astral projection.
Children have the incredible opportunity to learn about their spirit team as early as 7 years old in school (or earlier if they have past life memories and can hire therapists for it). All children learn in a class about basic self-care, environment care, beginner spirit protection and the fact that their spirit guides, the afterlife, and spirit loved ones actually exist! The rest/other spiritual classes for older youth are optional. (This can produce an unfortunate side effect of children bragging about their kinds of spirit guides or relying on them too much.)
Problems in our 5D utopia world:
Now people are sometimes judged in society less on their race and gender and orientation, (but it still happens, of course) but on their DNA, their soul development level, their kinds of spirit guides, and their past lives! Some people donât let people apply for certain jobs or have opportunities because of, for example, having many past lives as murderers or evil people or people who have had horrible addictions. (âThey could easily slip back into their old ways!â) The Ethernet, while allowing universal communication, now allows almost everyone to know a soulâs entire history throughout history! Souls/people with more lives on Earth or more lives being humanitarian to others are often favored over those âyoungerâ souls. Because of this new problem of more people judging others, being traumatized by new past lives and not focusing enough on present life missions, spirit guides, council of elders and even deceased loved ones now have the ability from Source to erase living peopleâs memories (and the recorded scenes) of past lives and lives in spirit! (Especially if they decide to use the information for evil purposes or if they can change the timeline/other peopleâs destinies too much.) With the veil so thin, some degree of forgetfulness is still required for balance and to help test/evolve souls.
0 notes
Hazbin Hotel Season One Episode Four: "World's Fair"
The sea blue serpent demon roared and bared its sharp teethâŚat a small size from inside a jar. After the monster had gotten loose, Baxter had to shrink it with his shrink ray. He was warned by Vaggie to âkeep it in your lab or better yet, get rid of it.â Niffty admired the beast inside the jar. âCan I pet it?â
âNo,â said Baxter. âLophiiformes is my science experiment to test my Speed-Growth formula and to have a monster to scare off any enemies who would dare stand against my genius!â
âDonât let it loose again,â said Vaggie, rolling her eyes. âAnd Niffty, get back to work.â
Niffty stared intently at Baxter, her face blushing before she snapped out of it and darted off to clean more rooms.
Vaggie gave Sir Pentious one stern glare, and he slithered off back to his quarters with the Egg Boiz. Â She sighed. âWhy canât you guys just behave for once? Itâs like trying to raise kids who are on drugs.â
âItâll be alright, Vaggie,â Charlie said, hopefully. âWe got Baxter back safely from the desert.â
âBut now he has more deadly weapons he could use for who knows what! We canât redeem anyone if they still have weapons around!â
âAgain, we need to defend ourselves against the Vees and the angels,â Angel Dust deadpanned. âIâm surprised all of us have survived each other so far.â
Vaggie then pondered in thought. âHmmâŚâ
âSo, youâre saying no weapons at all?â Charlie asked. âThat would be nice!â
âSadly, not,â Vaggie explained, holding out a hand. âI hate to admit, but Angel Dust is right. Perhaps we need to figure out what kind of weapons could be used for defense and get rid of the more destructive ones.â
âEasier said than done,â Angel Dust mentioned. âThose inventors and other criminals will say âkilling is for self-defense,â and get stuck in their ways. We canât monitor them all the time.â
âWe need to keep the angelic weapons at least,â said Husk. âThey can be used to kill all kinds of demons, even the powerful ones.â
âThey canâŚkill angels, too,â Vaggie spoke in a soft low voice. The Hazbin crew stared in stunned silence.
âReally?!â Charlie gasped. âYou mean the Exorcists arenât indestructible?!â
âNo, theyâre not,â said Vaggie. âBesides killing anyone, the weapons can also damage angels and scar demons.â
âIs that how you lost your eye?â Charlie asked, wide-eyed.
Vaggie stuttered nervously. âY-yeah, I got into a fight with another Sinner, and they used my Exorcist spear toâŚya knowâŚâ she lied, making a stabbing gesture toward her eye.
âOh, Iâm so sorry, Vaggie,â Charlie responded, hugging her briefly. âWhy didnât you tell me this before?â
âOhâŚuhâŚthought it would be too traumatic for you to hearâŚâ
âItâs alright,â said Charlie. âItâs hard to survive in Hell, especially when youâre a lost Sinner from Earth.â
âRrrright,â Vaggie smiled nervously, briefly putting her hands behind her back, feeling the stubs of where her Exorcist angel wings once were.
âThanks for telling me,â said Charlie.
âSure,â said Vaggie. âJust try not to make any deals with Alastor or forget it after many more months.â
Charlie stood red in the face, already losing her confidence.
Going back to the topic, Charlie began. âI meanâŚIâm sure you could train them to just use weapons in self-defense instead of, you know, pleasure in destruction and murder.â
âWait, what about Alastorâs dangerous powers?â Vaggie asked.
âAlastorâs magic is another matter,â said Husk dejectedly. âBest to start with dealing with physical weapons first.â
Charlie waved a hand. âI bet we can help redeem these guys, one eliminated weapon at a time. I mean, theyâre in my hotel under our surveillance. What else could they possibly use the weapons for?â
Charlie had just finished speaking, when a video flashed on Angel Dustâs phone: âIntroducing Hellâs Weapon Expo Worldâs Fair! Sign Up Today!â
Vaggie glanced at Charlie, both of the girls downcast. Vaggie began, âGuess that answers your question. Shit just keeps getting worse, doesnât it?â Vaggie growled in frustration as Charlieâs eyes widened in concern and fear.
0 0 0
âGuys,â Angel Dust called. âYou might wanna see this.â
Baxter and Sir Pentious glared daggers at each other as they walked into the parlor, but both came over to Angel Dust, Vaggie, and Charlie.
Angel Dust showed the advertisement video. A smiling Vox appeared on the screen. Next to him was a picture of a slowly spinning globe that showed a large neon red pentagram.
âGreetings geniuses and gunslingers of all ages! Looking for an opportunity to show off your egregious exploits?! Come on over to Hellâs new Weaponâs Expo, located right here in Pentagram City! Demonstrate your deadliest devices and prove your prowess inâŚâ
 Vox briefly lowered his voice, his left eye making hypnotic motions, ââŚgory gains!â More images showed a variety of weapons, guns, spears, swords, bombs, axes and more on the screen. âWhoever wins the contest shall receive infernal eternal glory, an angelic weapon of their choice and of course, tons of fucking money! But be warned dear Sinners, for this contest shall be judged by Carmilla Carmine herself, the top weapons dealer! Plus some other Overlords. Me? Iâm just hosting this thing, so keep those profits coming in! To make this extra spicy, weâll have contestants from all the Rings of Hell showcase their gadgets! So be prepared for some cultural trading and sharing. Sign up today at the center of the city near the clocktower and letâs dial up the chaotic fun! Applications are due in a few days and the event will be seven unholy days of sin. First the contest, then meet and greet, and then free weapon testing on your enemies! Be there or be double dead, fuckers!â Vox laughed as upbeat futuristic music played before the commercial ended.
Everyone stared wide-eyed and in silence. Sir Pentious and Baxter then looked at each other and said at the same time: âIâm gonna beat your loser ass!â
Angel Dust smirked. âYa know, you two have more in common than you think.â
âShut up, spider!â they both roared, before narrowing their eyes at each other again.
âIâll make the best inventions that Hell will ever see!â Sir Pentious bragged, hand over his chest. The Egg Boiz cheered behind him. âItâll be my best work since my time alive!â
The Piscine Machines stood erect before Baxter. âIâd like to see you try, old fossil,â Baxter retorted. âEveryone knows my IQ is superior than yours and my inventions are, too! Former lab partner.â
âNobody is gonna want to see a girly fishy nobody,â Sir Pentious hissed. âAnd a smelly fish that Frankenstein pooped out. Youâre nothing more than a background character and an Einstein wannabe.â
âSome words from a goofy old-timey villain no one can take seriously! Youâre the butt of all sex and exploding jokes,â Baxter cackled.
âAnd youâre just a lunatic who needs to be in an asylum!â
âIâll shove those Egg Boiz down your gullet you cock-sucking cobra cunt!â
âAnglerfish asshat!â
âTyrannical troll!â
âDiabolical deranged dick!â
âSchoolboy sissy shit scientist!â
âHere we go again,â Vaggie groaned out loud, leaning her head back slightly and almost ripping out her hair.
Charlie took a breath. âIs itâŚtoo much to ask for you guys to stay here andâŚâ
ââTalk about our feelings?ââ asked Sir Pentious with sarcasm at Charlie. âNot at all. Iâd be happy to talkâŚafter Iâve won at the fair!â
âI see a 0% probability of that happening! In fact, Iâm going to get started, slowpoke!â Baxter stated. âIâll see you at the sign-up, sissy-suck-snake!â
âI hope not, fishy-fuck-face!â Sir Pentious snapped. The two inventors turned their heads at each other, arms folded, noses in the air and marched to their respective lairs.
Amid the tense silence, Angel Dust added with a mischievous grin, âIâm planning on joining with Cherri Bomb. I bet demons will love my guns just as much as myâŚâ he grinned, ââŚparts and fluffy things people think are tits.â
âAbsolutely not!â Vaggie cut in, folding her arms. âIf youâre staying at this hotel, youâre not going to run off and kill people!â
âRelax, toots! Iâm only gonna show off myâŚguns if you will,â he winked. âNo harming others, ya have my word.â
âAnd youâll come straight back to the hotel?â Charlie asked.
âAbsolutely! If I donât have work with Val.â
Charlieâs face fell.
âReady to quit?â came Alastorâs radio voice into Charlieâs ear. He grinned with red eyes.
âNope,â Charlie folded her arms. âWe willâŚwait and see how things go.â
âYouâre just letting two mad inventors run amok?!â Vaggie inquired, incredulously.
Charlie turned to Vaggie. âWe just need to make sure they donât use their weapons to kill anyone! Then weâll bring them back to the hotel once the contest is over!â
âBut this whole thing is run by Vox! You know he wants to bring this place down and create chaos!â
âWellâŚâ Charlie explained. âIf this contest can help Baxter and Sir Pentious bond over similar interestsâŚâ
Sir Pentious and Baxter slammed their doors at the same timeâŚ
Charlie smiled nervously. ââŚIâm sure itâll turn out better than we think. Hopefully.â
âAlastor, youâre not thinking of participating in this bullshit too, are you?â Vaggie asked, eyebrow raised.
Alastor laughed and shook his head. âI could destroy all their little toys in an instant. Itâs been quite entertaining here already!â
âTell me about it,â Vaggie groaned.
âBut for now, Iâll be off hunting and eating venison in my room,â Alastor said, reminiscing. âAhâŚmy good old bayou in New Orleans!â
âCan you make a portal to Earth and stay there?â Vaggie asked.
âNope, I enjoy you sinning failures too much.â
Vaggie sighed and shrugged. âWorth a try.â
Alastor hummed as he vanished to his room in shadow.
âIâll watch Baxter, you take Sir Pentious,â Vaggie said. âMake sure they donât kill each other or anyone else.â
âWhoâs gonna watch over me?â Angel Dust asked, grinning at Husk. Husk sighed, a bottle in his pawed hand. âI ainât talkinâ to you.â
Niffty clapped her hands. âTwo bad boys! How exciting!â
âWaitâŚI thought you saidâŚâ Charlie began.
âThat snake is going back to being bad!â Niffty snickered evilly, making Charlie squirm inside.
None of the Hazbins noticed a few of Alastorâs shadow minions glancing at the doors of the inventors and emitting supernatural sinister snickers.
0 0 0
Sir Pentious sat at his work bench in his room. Before him on a table were a variety of tools, screws, blowtorches, and blueprints. Sir Pentious had his goggles on over his eyes and was using a blowtorch to meld some metal beams together. Extra space had been added to his hotel room for his workshop.
âWrench,â called Sir Pentious, holding out a gloved hand. One of the Egg Boiz placed a wrench in his hand.
âScrews,â he said. Another Egg Boi placed screws in his hand. The room was full of banging, whirling, fizzling, cranking and the grinding of steampunk gears.
âI shall make a grand zeppelin, bigger and better than before! Itâll have double the weapons and lasers. Even Alastor will think twice! When I make my grand entrance at the fair, the crowd will surely adore me and my masterpieces!â
He pondered. âHmmâŚshould I bring my Skinflayer 11,000? No, Iâd better keep it here at the hotelâŚin case bratty Baxter tries to sneak up on me. I know what Iâll call my vehicle of war⌠the Soulslicer 20,000! Perfect!â
âExcellent, boss!â rooted several Egg Boiz in the background. More eggs climbed onto an unfinished hunk of machine parts, screwing in screws, hammering in nails, lifting gears, and putting pipes into place. A few were testing parts of weapons, firing holes into the wall. One Egg Boi stomped on a small fire, putting it out with a yelp. Another Egg Boi in the corner was drooling over a poster of Sir Pentious dressed in a blue military uniform with red eyes on the chest like badges.
âIâll prove to Vox that Iâm NOT a failure! Iâm the ultimate everlasting extraordinaireâŚthe vilest of all villains! Heâll be sorry he ever bossed me around!â Sir Pentious banged his fist on the table and laughed. âIâll blast that fish-brain boy to bits with this!â
Frank the egg glanced around and spotted something coming in from underneath the door.
âUhâŚboss?â
âWhat is it?â Sir Pentious snapped, not paying attention.
âS-something dark is coming in the room!â
âNo one can enter my secret lair,â Sir Pentious proclaimed as a horned shadow minion of Alastor slithered under the crack in the door and flew off to the side in an upper corner. Frank pointed upward with shaking small black fingers. âItâŚitâs back, boss! I see it!â
âOh, quite your yapping and get back to work!â Sir Pentious hissed at Frank before melding more metals together. Frank shuddered as the grinning shadow floated down and behind the giant machine. Before long, Sir Pentious stood up, wiping his face with his arm, and staring proudly at a dark gray prototype of another zeppelin.
âAlright, letâs test this baby out!â he called. The shadow minion unscrewed several screws and bent the wires and pipes where the engines were. Frank jumped and yelled frantically but was drowned out by the sounds of the other eggs hustling and bustling. Two eggs opened up a window and two sat at the controls in the front interior of the war machine.
Sir Pentious pressed a button and the engine rumbled to life. Sir Pentious grinned as the Egg Boiz steered the ship toward the window. Victory was his!
The engine suddenly rumbled and sputtered, and black smoke puffed out of the engine holes.
âWhat the shit?!â Sir Pentious cried out.
âItâs gonna blow, boss!â cried Frank. Several Egg Boiz ran for cover. Sir Pentious leaped out of the way before the back part of the zeppelin exploded with a smoky blast. Sir Pentious screamed and curled into a ball on the ground as smoke filled the shaking room. He stood up and coughed as the smoke cleared.
He slithered forward and gasped. The back half of the vehicle was now burnt rubble and several windows were broken. The two Egg Boiz who had been in the cockpit were now shell pieces and yok.
âFUCK!â Sir Pentious roared. âNow I have to start from scratch again! Who did this?!â
The Egg Boiz cowered and stepped back. Sir Pentious glared at Frank who whimpered and lowered his small black top hat. âIâll have you scrambled for this!â
âS-sorry, boss, it wasnât me, I swear!â
Frank then stared at a piece of paper that fell from the sky, pointing upward. Sir Pentious glanced at it and snatched it from the smoky air. He peered closely and read a note: âBlow up in your face, ha! -Baxter.â
Sir Pentiousâ face turned crimson red, and the eye on his gray top hat glowed an angry red as well.
âTHAT FISH BOY IS SO DOUBLE DEAD!â
From up in the air, having dropped the note, the shadow minion laughed evilly before vanishing from the room.
0 0 0
Baxter hummed as he got to work in his laboratory. Cyan fluorescent lights hummed overhead. He grinned as blue electricity zigzagged from one metal pole to another on a device in front of him. âOh ho, ho, that stupid serpent is gonna shit his scales when he sees my greatest new invention!â Baxter examined a blueprint of a towering transformer-like robot shaped like an anglerfish. In front of him, the tower of metal was almost complete. It had six metal arms, two thick metal legs with spikes on them and a metal head with a window where Baxter could sit and control it. A nearby remote also allowed it to be on autopilot. In the robotâs six arms were a variety of weapons.
âOne gun shall fire my new cactus juice substance and put the audience in a hallucinogenic stupor. One will shoot mind-control rays, another, poisonous green goo from the Hell eels. One will shoot angelic bullets...hopefully Iâll get enough. The next, deadly blasts of electricity that make tasers seem like toys! Hahaha! The last oneâŚshit, I donât know. Shit? Maybe itâll just shoot out shit. Whatever works.â
Klein grinned evilly tooâŚuntil his sensors caught something unusual. âUnknown presence detected,â called his robot voice, a scanner popping out from its metal head. Baxter glanced around. âYou fool, I donât see anyone. You locked the doors, didnât you?â
âYes, master.â
âThen perhaps itâs a glitch in your system.â
Alastorâs shadow minion poured in through the crack in Baxterâs lab door, blending in with the darkness.
âNegative. The presence appears to beâŚnon-physical.â
âNon-physical?â Baxter scoffed, standing up and walking to the robot. âYou know there are no transparent ghosts in Hell!â
âTechnically, you are a ghost, master.â
âTechnically, I donât care! Now if youâll excuse me, I have to become the greatest most evil genius at the expo! My masterpiece is almostâŚâ
Baxter paused with surprised cyan eyes as Alastorâs shadow minion pushed the robot forward with magic. The towering invention moaned and groaned as it slowly tipped forward. Baxter screamed and leaped out of the way just as the hunk of metal crashed down onto the floor. Baxter stood up and seethed at the broken parts of his robot. He then spotted a note that flew down to the ground. He picked it up and it read, âGuess your project is now 100% defective! -Sir Pentious.â
âIâLL SKIN THAT SERPENT ALIVE OR UNDEAD!â
 Baxter screamed in rage as Alastorâs shadow minion laughed again before vanishing.
0 0 0
Sir Pentious and Baxter stormed into the parlor, almost wrestling each other to the ground. Baxter stomped on Sir Pentiousâ scales and the snake grabbed Baxterâs esca and yanked it hard. Soon, they were yelling and rolling on the ground.
âBreak it up!â Vaggie bellowed as Charlie looked on in concern. Vaggie tore the two men off each other. Charlie held down a seething Sir Pentious, while Vaggie held a bellowing Baxter back. Alastor watched in the background with red glowing eyes and an evil yellow grin. Niffty, Husk, and Angel Dust sat on the couch with popcorn in their hands. The two men stood up, eyes blinking and glaring on their bodies as they briefly turned into their more demonic forms.
âThis sneaky old snake has been messing around with my latest invention!â Baxter bellowed.
âOh, shut up!â Sir Pentious hissed. âI know you destroyed my zeppelin earlier in my workshop!â
âI donât know what youâre talking about! Old fart!â
âI donât know what youâre talking about! Neurotic juvenile!â
âWill both of ya shut the fuck up and letâs go sign up already?!â Angel Dust cried. âThe expo is startinâ in several hours!â He pointed outside to a line of demons heading to the clocktower.
âNo, Angel!â Vaggie and Charlie protested at the same time, but Angel Dust was already out the door, carrying his trusty collection of guns. Sir Pentious and Baxter raced back to their lairs to finish their inventions. âOkay, then!â they both said. âWeâll be back!â
Vaggie groaned in frustration. âWith the drugs and the weapons, Angel is never gonna redeem himself!â
âLetâs focus on one problem at a time,â Charlie encouraged her girlfriend, putting a hand on her shoulder. Â
A few hours later, Sir Pentious and Baxter raced out the door, their minions carrying their respective inventions behind them underneath heavy-duty coverings. Sir Pentious gasped and stumbled as he glanced down.
âWatch out, swine!â Sir Pentious yelped as he nearly tripped on Angel Dustâs pet pig Fat Nuggets, who was strutting in the lobby. The pig squeaked and ran back to Angel Dustâs room. Sir Pentious slithered to catch up to the mad fish scientist, his Egg Boiz chattering excitedly behind him. The inventors seethed at each other as they made their way through the crowd of demons. They made it to the black podium stand near the clocktower, where Vox stood with the sign-up papers in front of him.
Vox revealed a grin of cyan teeth. âSir Pentious! Baxter! How lovely to see you two fine gentlemen today.â
âHow do you know my name, TV man?â barked Baxter as he scribbled his name and invention onto the paper.
âI know things,â Vox leaned in. âQuite simple, really.â With one last flip of the bird to the serpent, Baxter ran off with his invention, trying to find a spot away from the dense crowds.
Then Vox sneered at Sir Pentious. âSo, the failure spy has come back to see me. Donât expect any praise.â
Sir Pentious looked off to the side and wrote down his name and invention in the contestant slot for the Pride Ring.
âWhat makes you think you can win this expo, after you could barely follow through with your task?â Vox asked, his eye moving in hypnotic circles.
Sir Pentious hissed, standing up straighter. âYou donât know my strengths, you talking picture box! When I reveal my most vile, diabolical device of doom, even you will shit your pants!â
Vox scoffed. âIâd like to see you try!â
âIâve been in Hell for a long time!â
âSo long, I think your gears are rusted,â Vox snickered.
âIâll be the best inventor there is, and nothing will stop me! Not that fish freak, not you, not that stupid hotel pig of theirs.â
âWait, pig you say?â Vox asked, eyebrow raised.
âA pet owned by that spider sex creep, Angel drug something.â
Vox paused and an evil gleam sparked to life in his eyes. âInteresting. Whatever you say.â
Sir Pentious huffed as he and his minions continued on toward the convention. Vox grinned evilly. âYouâve actually been quite helpful this time, PentiousâŚâ
Vox held up his phone and tapped it with electricity from his finger.
âVox?â came Velvetteâs voice.
âHey Velvette, baby, I have a little job for youâŚâ
0 0 0
Charlie and Vaggie sat in the parlor worrying about Angel, Sir Pentious, and Baxter.
Charlie put her face in her hands. âTheyâre gonna cause more trouble with those weapons at the expo! I canât afford to lose my clients!â
âThatâs it. We have to go after them!â Vaggie said. âAt least keep an eye on them.â Vaggie looked at Husk. âHey, lazy cat, youâre coming too!â
âGetting pulled into these shitty adventures for crying out loud,â Husk groaned.
âWhat about Alastor?â Charlie asked.
Vaggie watched as Alastor leaned against the wall and smiled before fading into the shadows.
âForget it,â Vaggie said. âHe only likes to watch us fight and fail.â
No one noticed a slender figure outside dressed in black with a hood decorated with a pink <3 heart at the top. The figure tossed a grappling hook, and it caught on the edge of a slot where a window was. The figure climbed the rope and then pulled open the window. She stood inside Angel Dustâs room, a menacing slender figure with magenta glowing eyes and an evil grin. Fat Nuggets was drinking from a bowl of water. A shadow hovered over the pig. The pig turned to the side with wide surprised eyes.
A loud shrieking demonic squeal rang through the hall. Niffty was finishing dusting a vase and then froze.
âWhat was that?â
She darted over toward the source of the sound. She arrived at Angelâs door, where it was decorated with neon pink hearts and pictures of Angel Dust, Husk, and the girls. She opened the door but could only see an open window and a figure running off into the distance with something struggling in a sack.
Niffty raced down the stairs and over to the girls, a worried expression on her face. âCharlie! Vaggie!â
âWhat is it, Niffty?â Vaggie asked.
Niffty huffed. âI-I heard a loud squeal and I think the pig is gone!â
âWhat pig?â asked Vaggie. âOne of Baxterâs monsters?â
âNo! A pet! I think someone stole it!â
Husk then sat up with wider eyes. âAngel Dustâs pig?â
Niffty nodded.
Charlie gasped. âOh no! Fat Nuggets! I completely forgot about him!â
Vaggie stood up, holding her spear. âHow did someone get into the hotel?!â She seethed. âI swear if Alastor is up to thisâŚâ
âWe donât know that,â Charlie said. âMaybeâŚFat Nuggets just ran away after Angel Dust!â
âThat pig always stays at the hotel and near Angelâs room,â said Husk. He glowered. âIâm afraid Nif may be right.â
Everyone looked worried.
âAngel Dustâll be heart-broken!â Charlie cried. âWe have to save his pet!â
âAnd stop those mad geniuses from causing any more trouble!â Vaggie added. âBuckle up, Sinners, weâre going to an expo.â
âYou know Charlieâs not a Sinner, right?â Husk said.
âI know that!â Vaggie roared.
âOooh, I canât wait to see some more bad boys!â Niffty giggled, twirling her sewing needle.
âKeep an eye on her, âVaggie said to Husk. Husk groaned as Niffty briefly tugged on one of Huskâs cat ears.
Vaggie glared at Klein and several robot minions holding small tasers. âRobot, guard the hotel.â
âAt your service, Vagatha,â Klein replied, doing a robotic salute. âBring back a victorious Master Baxter!â
âNo promises,â Vaggie called as she, Charlie, Husk, and Niffty headed outside toward the convention.
0 0 0
Vox stood proudly in his usual suit outfit, broadcasting his expo live on TVs throughout Hell. He grinned as he saw more demons attending and his VoxTech views climbing every minute.
âHelluva hello, filthy demons of all ages! Welcome to Hellâs one of a kind weapons expo! We have a horde of contestants from all over Hellâs Rings and weâre very excited to see all their deadly weapons! But first, this expo is sponsored by VoxTechâs Angelic Security, the ultimate protection app for any extermination! Buy and upload today!â
The crowd cheered, already hypnotized by Voxâs words. Vox pressed a button, and through electricity, everyone was transported to a nearby park with more room for the show.
âLetâs meet todayâs judges. Give it up for our old guy Zestial!â
The elder black spider-like Overlord demon wearing long black robes and wearing a tall black top hat gazed at the crowd with several green eyes on a black spider-like face. He took his place at a tall table with screens at the front to allow him to see the various inventions. The table was covered with a white cloth stained with red and black blood.
âZeezi!â
A pink giant dinosaur Overlord lady with wild colorful hair and a tail stomped over to her spot at the judgesâ table.
âThe head judge Carmilla Carmine herself!â
The angelic weapons dealer strode forward to her spot at the center of the table. She was a slender woman with sharp white angelic ballet shoes pointed like weapons. Her face was light gray, and she wore a dark gray mask around her reddish eyes. One bang of her hair was black. She had white hair and pointed horns on her head with thin black stripes. Her hair ended in small curls near her black hoop earrings. Her hands were giant and white with black nails. She wore long black leggings with white crisscross designs, a black top and her dress ended in sharp pointed ends like sword points. Her two daughters Odette and Clara wandered around, looking at several other inventions and writing on their clipboards.
âAnd Carmillaâs secret assistant, Charlie Carmine!â
Another woman took her spot next to Carmilla. She had tall red high-heel boots decorated with barbed wire, dark red pants, a red dress with dark red stripes on it and red goggles on her head. She had long red hair and large red eyes with small black pupils. Her skin was white, but her left hand was giant and red with a gear on it. Her arm was made of molten lava and could shapeshift. She looked like a fusion of Sir Pentious and Cherri Bomb, with an edgy steampunk look. Sir Pentious blushed when he spotted her face.
âYeah, I didnât know she existed either!â Vox admitted. âBut she does the dirty work of melding the weapons with angelic essence for Carmine and her daughters to sell! Heard she died in the 1830s.â
Vox cleared his throat.
âAnd nowâŚour contestants! Please come forward!â
Epic warrior music blared from the speakers as machines and electricity towered toward the city. The audience applauded and stepped back to allow more room. Through various colored portals in the red sky, demons descended downward with their diabolical dangerous devices!
âHere comes the not-so sloth, Sloth Ring!â
Floating gracefully from the Sloth Ring were four demons with the heads of goat and sheep. The first one had a pink goatâs head with a white candle with a pink flame on it. His name was Hypno. The second was a sheep that looked at peace, with a candle of a teal flame on her head: Zeezee. The third was a strong bull demon with long curved horns and a blue flame: Morphi. The last was a white sheep with a lavender candle on his head: Lulla. All four wore white doctorâs coats.
They landed on the ground before the crowds.
âGreetings, fellow Prides,â sang Hypno the leader. âWe present our amazing invention sure to keep you contentâŚfor a long time!â
Hypnos and Morphi held up a long pink ray gun which read âDeep Sleep Dreams,â in light pink. âFly high, folks!â sang Lulla.
Zeezee pressed a button and teal beams of hypnotic rays pulsed over toward the crowd. Many demons instantly swayed and had drugged happy looks on their faces as distorted lullaby music played.
âWe have your favorite drugs and substances flowing in our machine! We can mimic any drug of your choice!â sang Hypnos. âEcstasy, crack, meth, angel dust, you name it!â He mentioned to the various glowing substances in the see-though veins of the device.
âDid somebody call me?!â Angel Dust called out from the background.
With an evil grin on his face, Hypnos pressed more buttons. Various colored rays shot out, causing the demons nearest to the device to laugh uncontrollably, fight each other, fall asleep, scream in agony, or drop dead completely.
There was a rather sleepy round of applause as the judges examined their device, Carmineâs daughters careful not to get too close.
âA sleep ray? Boring!â Sir Pentious dramatized.
âDonât get lazy! Cast your votes now!â Vox began with a fake yawn. He cleared his throat.
âDonât get too jealous, but the Envy Ring is next!â
A gush of ocean water spilled out from the purple portal and a triad of aquatic demons with many eyes morphed before the audience. Three demons stood before them, one blue, one green, and one teal. Their names were Shimmer, Glimmer, and Swimmer. Swimmer was a teal female, Glimmer was a green female creature, and Shimmer was the blue male leader. They were all slender with fish fins, eyes all over their bodies and their arms like tentacles. They wore clothing made of fish scales. Underwater otherworldly music played.
âLand-dwellers!â sang Shimmer. âPrepare to meet your watery end!â
Shimmer held out a large golden trident and pressed a button. The prongs extended and each turned into different things. The first one morphed into a golden sword that shot out to stab some demons before being retracted back into the device via a rope. The second prong opened up to a hole that fired fish nets that electrocuted several captured demons. The final metallic prong in the middle opened up and fired acidic water onto more demons, melting them instantly. Swimmer grabbed a struggling pink demon and held him in front of her partner. Glimmer held a smaller blue gun to the demonâs face and open mouth that sucked out all the water in the pink demonâs body, causing dehydration. The pink shriveled demon dropped dead at their feet. More applause.
âBig deal,â Baxter scoffed. âIâm the ultimate water creature!â He grinned and held his small sea serpent in a jar.
âWater you waiting for? Cast your votes!â Vox chuckled. Â âTime to get aroused by the sexy folk from Lust!â
Seductive club music played as a horde of pink succubi and incubi with small bat wings and BDSM clothing descended down from the dark blue portal. The group was called XXXtreme, and they had various names: Phallo, Booby, Clitora, Lubey, Vaga, among others. They did seductive dancing around poles and displayed phallus shaped torpedoes, cannons, and guns. One succubus fired a gun that shot out condoms and sex toys that exploded. Another one of their weapons shot out acid semen and noxious gas. And, of course, there were love potions.
âOh, yeah, Iâm gettinâ hot already!â Vox chuckled.
âThese performing inventors are going for the green! Give it up for Greed!â
Circus music blared as a group of performers danced and flipped out of the green portal. Six demons dressed like jesters came down to the ground: The Fearsome Freaks. One jester wearing a striped skirt balanced on a ball, juggling rainbow bombs before tossing them into the air. The bombs exploded into fireworks as the audience cheered. A large shirtless tan male demon spun a pole into the air, the two ends lit with green flames that gradually turned red. After spinning the pole, he popped a flaming sword into his mouth before spitting it out at several bystanders.
âWe feed on Greed! We feed on Greed! Glory is all we need!â sang the Greed contestants.
A third performer female hollered war cries as she rode a demonic elephant covered with green armor, the many-eyed gray beast trampling more screaming demons. She also fired a gun accurately at several dummy targets as she balanced upside down. The fourth performer threw angelic knives at targets with his eyes closed. The fifth spun through the air, firing fiery bullets through the air in a spectacular dance. The sixth one just stood under a green spotlight telling bad weapon jokes.
âWhat is Satanâs favorite gun? A caliber 6.6.â
âBravo, bravo!â Vox clapped as the bloodstained performers bowed.
âShow-offs,â muttered Sir Pentious.
Vox continued. âSickenly sweet with plenty to eat! Here comes Gluttony!â
Through the yellow-gold portal came four muscular Hellhounds, who howled in triumph as they came down to the ground as club music blasted in every direction.
âLetâs get this party started, hooligans!â chorused the black Hellhound leader, who had named his group the Hellhound Hooligans. Bael was the back hound leader, and he carried a black electric guitar that shot out deadly electricity at demons whenever he played it. All the Hellhounds wore colorful party clothes, boots, jeans, and torn shirts.
âTaste the honey, fuckers!â sang an excited tan Hellhound, Bella, who held a large cannon that fired alcohol bottles of intoxicating honey at the crowd, who reached out for them in excitement. The demons danced and dodged more attacks from the contestants, including Beezi the white female Hellhoundâs very explosive bomb pies and poisonous pink cotton candy. Bubba the brown hound laughed and demonstrated her flips and tricks, using an axe on a chain to swing at various demons.
âDonât be late to the partyâŚvote now!â called Vox.
âThey make me sick to my stomach,â Baxter remarked.
âYâall know the roughest, toughest warriors in Hell, theyâre all the rage in Wrath!â called Vox.
There was a roaring of cheers and western rock music as a dozen Wrath Ring imps charged from an orange portal, riding on stallions with flaming manes. The Wrathful West Warlords were one of the finest fighter groups and blacksmiths in all of Hell and it was easy to see why. Two muscular imps wearing cowboy hats led from the front on motorcycles, wearing spiked armor.
Following the two imps were four other males who came toward the audience and showed off their angelic weapons. One held two broad swords that had been forged in the volcanos in Wrath. Another showed off a mace that shot out spikes as he swung it around. A third imp drove a large black tank into the park and a fourth imp did a presentation of various torture devices. A dozen more imps wearing cowboy hats, knight armor, samurai armor or general uniforms, danced in a line as they flaunted their well-crafted destructive tools. Maces, swords, knives, throwing stars, cannons, katanas, cutlasses, revolvers, rifles, bombsâŚWrath Ring had every kind of weapon from all kinds of time periods at their disposal!
âNothing beats classic war anger!â said Vox. âVote, vote, vote!â
âAnd finally, here come our proud Sinner contestants from right here in Pride!â
As royal music with a circus flair briefly played, the audience gasped in awe as the contestants were announced.
âSIR PENTIOUS!â
âBAXTER!â
âANGEL DUST!â
âCHERRI BOMB!â
âCRYMINI!â
âLOOPTY GOOPTY!â
âLYLE LIPTON!â
The seven Sinners came forward, revealing their masterpiece inventions. They sang as their inventions were analyzed and tested. Vox was enjoying all the chaos and calamity.
âSinners! Cower before me!â Sir Pentious sang.
âWhen this day is done, you all will adore me!
My new zeppelin is running and here!
The Soulslayer 20,000 is your new worst fear!â
The new zeppelin hovered in the air; now black with the outer shell made of snake scales. The windows were red, and the weapons extended from an opening in the front of the ship that looked like a serpentâs mouth. There was even a large black hat structure that was added on top of the ship with a round window at the top that allowed for more surveillance. Sir Pentious laughed evilly as the Egg Boiz inside fired the cannons. Several destructive blasts shot out from the extended cannons in the zeppelin, razing parts of the city.
âNot so fast, fool of the past!â Baxter fired back in song.
âFor my day of glory is here at last!
Brace yourselves for Destructo Doombot,
Initiate the Baxter Blast!â
Baxter laughed manically and pressed a button. A giant blue robot with slender flexible legs and six weaponized arms towered onto the scene. The robot fired a wide range of blasts, shooting acidic water onto the buildings.
Charlie, Vaggie, Husk, and Niffty raced as fast as they could toward the park. They narrowly avoided a falling roof and a water splash several feet away. The asphalt street cracked and crumbled before them.
âThis is mayhem madness!â Vaggie cried in song. âThe cityâs gonna blow! I knew we shouldnât have let them go! If we donât get them back to the hotelâŚthings will not end well!â
âI think we can still reason with them, itâll be fine,â Charlie sang back before her eyes widened, âThereâs not much time!â
âStab! Stab! Stab!â Niffty trilled in song.
âVox doesnât care for the city at all. Heâll gladly grab at money and see us fall,â Vaggie added in anger.
âAny ridicule from VoxâŚSir Pentious cannot take it. Just a little furtherâŚwe can make it!â Charlie huffed.
âAll this running around, Iâve had enough,â Husk growled.
âBad boys so strong and tough!â Niffty grinned.
Angel Dust posed with several guns in his hands on stage. Vox scoffed.
âAnother one bites the Angel Dust!â Angel Dust grinned in song, striking a pose. âBang, bang!â He held a small gun and squeezed a button. A small flag came out of the slot which read âEat my dust.â Several of Angel Dustâs porn fans swooned and cheered. âCome too close and get caught in my web.â One of his guns fired a pink spider web, capturing several winged demons. âI can fuck hard and fight hard,â he smirked. He grew six arms and fired his weapons all at the same time, earning more cheers and claps from the crowd.
Cherri Bomb and Crymini posed together, each holding a bomb in their hands. Cherri Bomb had white skin and a single cyclops eye. She wore a pink tank top with xs on it, one of her white shoulders revealed. She had torn black pants and tall pink high heel boots. Her hair was blonde with pink highlights done in a ponytail. Crymini the hyena Sinner grinned next to Cherri Bomb, her fur white and dark pink. Her eyes were yellow with pink iris. She wore a spiky black collar, and a short pink dress with a white skull on it. Her legs were spotted, one had black stripes and one had pink spots. She also had a thick pink and white tail that matched her thick long bangs of hair near her pointed ears.Â
âDames of destruction, relish in the arson,â Cherri Bomb began, tossing a pink bomb that exploded into pink smoke in the sky. She brandished a small metal shooter that fired sticks of dynamite into the distance that let out more explosions.
âNever afraid to make our mark,â Crymini added in song, as she sprayed red graffiti onto a nearby wall that read, âBAD BITCHEZ RULE THE WORLD!â
âRebellious streak hotter than Hellâs center,â Cherri Bomb grinned, doing spectacular flips, and fighting poses. She and Angel Dust posed side by side and grinned.
âWe say âbombâs away,â to our blown-to-bits foes,â Crymini harmonized, using a torch like a paintbrush to create flaming designs and words in different colors on the ground: âROCK YOUR SOCKS OFF!â
Sir Pentious blushed in secret as Cherri Bomb threw one final bomb behind her that exploded in pink smoke. He had never seen a woman so tough, so rambunctiousâŚand so beautiful beforeâŚat least not during his time in Hell. Cherri Bomb had spunk and despite being an annoying rivalâŚSir Pentious couldnât help but feel there was something moreâŚ
At the same time Crymini and Cherri Bomb finished, two rival Sinner inventors rolled and spiraled onto the scene. The two men glared at each other, but still seemed to work together, if not to prove themselves better than everyone else.
âI am Loopty Goopty, dastardly inventor of all things loopy and loopish!â
A tall slender demon arrived, riding on a spiral of black metal loops, almost as if they were extensions of himself. He wore tall lime green boots and a black suit with a green color on his waist and a green upward spiral on the chest. He had a red cape and red gloves on his hands. He had wavy tall red horns on his head, red skin, a long nose, and a cliche villain black mustache. He also had a black top hat with a green rim and green hypnotic goggles over his eyes.
Lyle Lipton rolled into action, wearing a green suit with a red undershirt, black sleeves, and green gloves. He revealed a grin of piano teeth and a wavy white mustache obscured part of his light green face. He wore a small black top hat with a red rim and red hypnotic goggles. The lower half of him was black with red stripesâŚhe had no legs but could roll fast to get around.
âI am Lyle Lipton, experimenter of the poor and inventor of endless youth!â
The two Sinners posed in front of their zeppelin ship.
âLook at my loops!â sang the eccentric Loopty Goopty, reaching his hand to swing himself from building to building. He danced and spun in his own spirals before coming back to the ground.
âReact to my rolls!â added Lyle Lipton as he crashed through walls unharmed with his speedy rolling body. âFace the music, demons! I have achieved supervillain strength!â
âWe shall bring glory to ourselves and be heralded as your vile saviors!â Loopy Goopy added, arms extended, grabbing demons and squeezing them. âFor we are dead but cannot die!â
âSo that makes you like Frankenstein,â Lyle Lipton said to him. âAn eccentric loopy zombie.â
Loopty Goopty paused and turned to him. âSays you, piano man! You got owned by a piano and now you roll in your own ego.â
âAt least I didnât get killed by my own invention!â Lyle Lipton fired back.
âOh, the heat is on, folks!â Vox called as he relished their arguments. âLetâs see what the judges have to say.â
The judges first looked at the Sloth Ring inventions combined with the votes.
âGood for drug parties, otherwiseâŚnay,â Zestial remarked.
âSUPER COOL!â remarked the dinosaur Overlord.
âNeeds more gore,â Charlie Carmine remarked.
Carmilla Carmine said, âOkay inventions but I sense a ratherâŚlazy effort.â
âOn to Envy!â called Vox.
âI thinketh the design creative but too confined to water,â Zestial said.
âA GOLDEN TRIDENT WITH WEAPONS INSIDE? WHAT A FINTASTIC CLASSIC!â exclaimed the dinosaur, banging her fists on the table.
âEh, not bad,â said Charlie Carmine.
âNo angelic power and a half-assed display of bravado,â remarked Carmilla Carmine in disapproval.
âLust!â called Vox.
âEweth,â Zestial remarked with a disgusted look.
âAROUSING AND DEADLY! I LOVE IT!â smiled the dinosaur.
âKinda pathetic. Not steampunk enough,â remarked Charlie Carmine.
âYeahâŚno,â said a disgusted Carmilla Carmine. âSave your tools for the bedroom.â
âGreed!â Vox continued.
âA circus performance doth not equal true brutality. Maketh more war-like,â Zestial commented.
âCIRCUS PERFORMANCE WAS DYNAMIC AND WILD! ENCORE, ENCORE!â stomped the dinosaur lady.
âIndeed, very creative,â said Charlie Carmine, âBut still not my favorite style.â
âLike clowns playing with toys and lacking cold strategy,â Carmilla Carmine scoffed.
âGluttony!â
âA shooter that fires drugs, food, and alcoholâŚa fruitless childâs toy on the battlefield,â said Zestial. âThou should be ashamed.â
âWHOO! PARTY WEAPONS AND INCREDIBLE BOMBS! DO MORE!â cheered the dinosaur Overlord.
âBoring,â said Charlie Carmine. âNeeds more sharpness and less blinding colors. ThoughâŚI would like that recipe for the rotten candy.â
âJuvenile and ill-crafted,â said Carmilla Carmine.
âWrath!â
âMe thinketh thou imps put on a spectacular show. A classic example of the grace, brutality, and effectiveness of war and thine culture,â remarked a pleased Zestial.
âYES! YES! CAN I JUST SAY YES!â beamed the dinosaur Overlord.
âAre you really approving everything?â asked a skeptical Charlie Carmine. âBut yes, I very much approve their work.â
âVery impressive, fine craftsmanship,â Carmilla Carmine said in approval for the first time. âJust tone down the wrathâŚa lot.â
The board read:
Sloth: 12
Envy: 13
Lust: 8
Greed: 16
Gluttony: 10
Wrath: 20
âAndâŚPride!â announced Vox.
Sir Pentious and Baxter were tied. Loopty Goopty was in third place, Lyle Lipton was in fourth, Cherri Bomb was fifth, and Crymini was in sixth.
And thenâŚ
âThe porn star is out,â Carmilla Carmine remarked, glancing down after Odette came up to her.
âWhat? Why?!â Angel Dust asked angrily as boos were heard.
âThis is a weapons expo, not a porn show.â
âI gotta show off my stuff at some point. Look how good I am at fightinâ!â
âYou do have great skill, but Iâve seen better.â
Angel Dust slumped and walked off the stage just as Charlie, Vaggie, Husk, and Niffty reached him.
Angel Dust fumed after he spotted the small piece of paper that was in front of Carmilla Carmine that hadnât been there before. On it was Vaggieâs handwriting: âIâm just after the prize money. â Angel Dust.â Vaggie had told Odette about a âreally important customer inquiring about fighting techniques. Here is the number.â
Angel Dust wasnât happy.
âBitch!â he spat at Vaggie. âYou made Carmilla drop me out!â
âWe have to get you back to the hotel,â Vaggie said. âYou couldâve used that money for more drugs! Or who knows how mad youâve have gotten if you had stayed longer.â
âThat prize money couldâve helped me pay off my debts to Val!â
âWell, thank goodness youâre okay!â Charlie said, wanting to change the subject.
Angel Dust glared. âWhat you ya mean, âthank goodness?!â None of these people know true talent when they see it.â
âI told you that entering the contest was a bad idea,â Vaggie reprimanded. âKilling is not allowed for you anymore!â
Angel Dust shrugged, hands out. âI didnât kill anyone! I swear!â Angel Dust glanced back at two wounded demons he had shot earlier. âWell maybe a littleâŚâ
âHotel. Now,â Vaggie glared, pulling him along.
âWait,â said Charlie. âBaxter and Sir Pentious!â
âWhat about âem?â Angel Dust asked.
âLook,â said Husk, pointing to the stage. Niffty had popcorn in her hands with an excited grin.
âThe final feud is on, folks!â Vox announced. âAfter Wrath coming in second, we are down to our two finalists! Mad Inventor Sir Pentious and Mad Scientist Baxter!â
(âIâm The Sinner Winner!â song)
The two men pushed buttons on their own remotes and their battle inventions rumbled to life in the distance.
The crowd cheered and voted some more as the two Sinners glared daggers, put on their goggles, and began to clash. They were each lifted up by their minions, rising into the air. Like boys in battle suits, they comically exchanged punches and insults. The Egg Boiz stumbled and held each otherâs hands, also trying to support their master. Several Egg Boiz broke the glass of a few Piscines, causing the biotic fish to spill out. But more Egg Boiz got cracked from metallic punches from the robots.
Sir Pentious and Baxter circled each other as the crowd watched. Sir Pentious briefly hypnotized Baxter, causing him to stumble and nearly lose his balance. But one shock from one of Baxterâs robots tazed the snake in the tail, allowing Baxter to snap out of the trance. In the background, the zeppelin and Baxterâs Destructo robot also fought each other. The giant robot tried to crush the warship in its metal hand, but a rapid barrage of bullets briefly blinded the giant Baxter-lookalike robot.
âIâm the Sinner Winner!â Sir Pentious and Baxter sang at the same time in a duel, seething.
âYou may think youâre hot shit, but youâre just a beginner!â
âIâll wipe the floor with your fishy face!â Sir Pentious hissed.
âYour slow brain cannot match my pace!â Baxter retorted.
âCower before my steampunk splendor!â Sir Pentious grinned, gears grinding behind him. Charlie Carmine grinned in approval.
âWatch your confidence get mixed in a blender!â Baxter scoffed, shaking a flask of teal liquid that fizzed with steam. Carmilla Carmine facepalmed at the idiocy of Vox and the contest.
âWithout my work, yours wouldnât exist!â Sir Pentious sang.
âMine is a recognizable improvement, I insist!â cackled Baxter.
âYou werenât even in the first season!â
âI enjoy being alone for a reason!â
âI should fire you again for treason!â
âIn your body, Iâll add a lethal lesion!â
They both sang at the same time.
âIâm the Sinner Winner!â
âIâm the Sinner Winner!â
âYou may think youâre hot shit, but youâre just a beginner!â
âYou may think youâre hot shit, but youâre just a beginner!â
âIâll make sure the ass anglerfish drowns once again!â
 âIâll make sure the sissy shit snake gets roasted alive!â
âAll will bow in my coils!â
âAll will be my lab subjects!â
âAnd now I say, farewell motherâŚâ
And now I say lebewohl you piece ofâŚâ
âSTOP!â Charlie, Vaggie, Husk, and Niffty shouted at the same time. Charlie briefly flared in her demonic form before reverting back.
Baxter and Sir Pentious paused as Vox himself stepped onto the stage, slowly clapping.
At long last, both of their inventions groaned, fizzled, and collapsed at the same time. The zeppelin crashed and exploded to the ground in green smoke, while the robot slammed to the ground in an explosion of metal and teal light. Many demons flew backward from the force of the explosions. Charlie and the others ducked for cover, rising only when the smoke had cleared.
Baxter and Sir Pentious both slumped in disappointment and frustration as their minions gently lowered them to the ground and scampered off. They brushed themselves off and breathed hard.
âD-did I win?â Sir Pentious asked with a nervous grin.
âCongratulations to both of you!â Vox grinned, arms out. âThat was an amazing performance! So incredible that I now have 6.6 billion views on VoxTube. Now, to determine the final winner. Sir PentiousâŚâ
Sir Pentious gulped.
âSince youâre the oldest, you have the privilege of coming forward for your demonstration. I have examined one of your weapons and it appears to have transmutation powers?â
âYes,â said Sir Pentious as Vox gave him his small gray gun with various settings on it. âIt can turn things into monsters without having to grow them in a tank,â Sir Pentious smirked at Baxter. âBut I have yet to make some modificationsâŚâ
âToo late for that,â said Vox. âNowâs the time to prove your worth! If you can successfully demonstrate the effectiveness of your weapon, you win the contest!â
Sir Pentious beamed, his eyes wide with tears. âReally?â
Vox nodded. âAnd gain my approval back! And win lots of money! And brag in Baxterâs face!â Baxter folded his arms.
Sir Pentious had an evil smirk on his face. His dream was coming true at last!
 âBut if you lose, wellâŚI guess Iâll have to ask Baxter to do it instead!â
Baxter grinned, but Sir Pentious folded his arms. âHe wonât even get a chance!â Sir Pentious loaded his gun. âLetâs get started!â
âWhether it works or not, at least you can say you tried,â Vox said. âYes,â said Sir Pentious, aiming the gun. Velvette appeared and pushed a cart forward with a cloth on it to Sir Pentious.
âI present to youâŚyour test subject!â Vox grinned. âBegin!â
Velvette removed the cloth and underneath it wasâŚ
âFAT NUGGETS?!â Angel Dust cried in shock.
Sure enough, the pet pig was struggling and squealing on the table as his hooves were restrained by small chains.
âSIR PENTIOUS, DONâT!â Charlie yelled.
Sir Pentious looked taken aback. âThe swine pet?â He pointed a finger. âSo, it was you who stole the pig from the hotel!â
âAll thanks to you mentioning it,â Vox smirked. Sir Pentious lowered his eyes as Vaggie and Angel Dust burned holes in his soul with their stares.
âGo ahead, snake manâŚturn this runt into a monster and youâll be back to true Overlord status!â
âB-but I could kill him!â
âWho cares? Youâll still be rewarded no matter what, I promise!â persuaded Vox.
âSir Pentious, donât shoot,â Charlie pleaded.
âYou kill my pet and Iâll make sure youâre double dead!â Angel Dust snarled at the snake, tears in his eyes. He aimed his gun at Vox, but Vox held up a hand. âWouldnât do good for Hellâs hottest porn star to strike an Overlord. Especially if my sexy buddy Val found out, heh?â
Angel Dust wavered, hands shaking on his weapon. He was at a standstill. If he were to attack Vox, Velvette could roast his beloved pet to bacon. Vox also grinned at the Hazbin crew. âSo nice of you lowly has-beens to join us!â
âStop trying to mock us and my hotel!â Charlie bared her teeth. âAs the princess, I demand you to let Fat Nuggets go!â Vaggie gave her a proud look.
âNo one in Hell listens to royalty,â Vox purred in a low voice, moving a menacing electric gloved finger toward Fat Nuggets. âOne step and heâs toast.â
Sir Pentiousâ eyes darted around, sweat beading his face. Velvette kicked one of his Egg Boiz for good measure.
âHeâs trying to divide us so the hotel fails!â Charlie called. âYou already said, âsorry.â Now itâs time to act for the good of your friends!â
âWeâre not friends,â Baxter stated.
âStop ruining it!â Vaggie barked.
It was all up to Sir Pentious now.
Vox grinned. âYou have no friends to begin with! SoâŚwhatâs it gonna be, Sir Pentious? Wanna be the vilest villain you were destined to be? Or will you always be a good for nothing joke of a failure?â
The tension built as his hands shook holding the weapon. He stared into Angel Dustâs angry eyes, Charlieâs pleading ones, Voxâs hypnotic orbsâŚand the innocent sweet eyes of Fat Nuggets who gave him a somber look.
âIâŚIâŚâ
Sir Pentious inched forward, closer and closer and closerâŚ
âI think Iâm gonna slip!â
He stumbled on his tail and fell forward onto the table. Velvette gasped as Sir Pentious nearly fell on top of Fat Nuggets. Sir Pentious and the wheeled cart rolled forward past Velvette and off the stage. Velvette fired rounds from her gun, but the bullets bounced off Sir Pentious harmlessly. Sir Pentious gave Baxter a look, pointing at the chains. Baxter nodded and fired a few blasts from a gun, breaking apart the chains and freeing the frightened Fat Nuggets.
âFUCK!â Vox roared as Sir Pentious held the pig close in his arms and raced over toward Angel Dust. More bullet blasts caused Sir Pentious to slow down, making him nearly drop the pig. Vaggie pointed her spear at Velvette, who had tried to grab Sir Pentious from behind. Sir Pentious tossed the pig to Angel Dust just as Vox tackled him to the ground. The crowd cheered and chanted, âFight! Fight! Fight!â Fat Nuggets nuzzled into Angel Dustâs white fur and the spider demon sighed in relief.
Vox had Sir Pentious in a chokehold, but Baxter aimed one of his weapons at him.
âBack off, I say!â
Vox chuckled as he stood up. âTrying to save your own rival now?â
âThe only one who can kill himâŚis me!â Baxter spat as Charlie helped Sir Pentious up. She and Vaggie supported him, his arms on their shoulders as the Egg Boiz lifted his lower serpent body.
 Vox stood up. He and Velvette soon found themselves outnumbered by the Hazbins. Carmilla Carmine also looked at him in disapproval. Vox stared nervously at the cameras. âSorry about this interruption, folks! Due to unplanned circumstances, I officially declare the winner of this weapons expo to beâŚME!â
Vox posed as the golden VoxTech Angelic Security logo appeared on the screen. âBecause letâs face it, the greatest weapon of all is the one used on the mind, ears, and eyesâŚthe most subtle weapon of all! Magnificent media! Horray for me!â
Many demons cheered while several others booed. Cherri Bomb and Crymini took a selfie together, posing as explosions and flames flashed in the background. Crymini had managed to snatch some of the prize money. They labeled their Voxtagram photo with #BestWeaponsExpoEver. The brave demons who avoided the chaos exchanged tools and inventions. Some took selfies with the various scientists and inventors, grinning when they got their creations signed by them.
âYOU FRAUD!â yelled Lyle Lipton and Loopty Goopy to Vox. âYou stole our victory!â Vox mentioned for one of his managers to stop the Hazbins. Vox fled the scene in a flash of electricity, leaving Velvette to run to her pink and purple fancy car on foot. She zoomed away, barely escaping the enraged inventors.
âTake that, shark fiend!â Baxter shouted as one of Voxâs managers rushed at him with a taser.
Baxter hit the manager with his cactus juice ray, making him drop the taser. He began dancing like a chicken and saying everything he hated about VoxâŚlive on TV. âVox wants Alastor to notice him!â âVoot Floop cereal is overrated!â (No one ever saw him again after that.)
âLetâs get outta here!â called Angel Dust, holding Fat Nuggets in his arms.
âWhat happened, Sir Pentious?â asked Charlie.
âIâŚuhâŚsorta trippedâŚon purpose.â
Husk grinned. âClever trick, kid. Wasnât expecting that from you.â
Charlie gave Sir Pentious a hug and he winced a bit. âI knew you had a good heart!â
There was a sudden roar and a shaking of the ground. The Hazbins slowly looked up. Demons screamed and scrambled away as Baxterâs blue sea monster towered over them. The monster let out a thunderous screech and promptly crunched a screaming demon in its mouth.Â
âBAXTER!â Vaggie raged.
âHOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT SO MANY EXPLOSIONS WOULD ALLOWIT TO ESCAPE FROM THE JAR?â he yelled over the noise.
âSHRINK IT BEFORE IT DEVOURS US ALL!â Charlie yelped, stepping back.
But then Niffty jumped up and down. âI HAVE A GREAT IDEA!â
âWhat, Niffty?â Husk asked.
The Hazbins soon found themselves screaming and riding on the scaly back of the many-eyed monster as it slithered back to the hotel.
âTHIS IS FUCKING INSANE, NIFFTY!â Charlie cried, holding on for dear life.
Baxter was using his pulsing esca to guide the beast as much as he could. Husk, Vaggie, a hurt Sir Pentious, and Charlie screamed as they bobbled up and down, nearly falling off. âWHEEE!â cried Niffty in excitement as Baxter cackled at the front near the monsterâs head. Baxter hollered, âI KNEW MY INVENTIONS WOULD COME IN HANDY!â
The Egg Boiz got to work stitching up Sir Pentiousâ wounds, while the Piscine Machines helped keep the serpent calm, using telepathic communication through their escas.
âAngel,â Sir Pentious said, in a softer voice. âI donât expect you to forgive me after my spying on you and almost losing your pigâŚâ
Angel Dust shot him an angry look.
ââŚbut I sincerely apologize for my selfish behavior. No more showing off weapons from now onâŚâ
Vaggie smiled.
ââŚat least in public.â
Vaggieâs face briefly fell but she shrugged. She figured that Sir Pentious would continue to improve.
âIâm proud of you, Pentious,â Charlie said.
âIâm a loser,â he said, dejectedly.
âNo, youâre not,â she comforted. âYou saved Fat Nuggets and hopefully learned your lesson with Baxter. Plus, you stood your ground against Vox. That was amazing!â Vaggie nodded in approval as well.
Baxter and Sir Pentious folded their arms, but they no longer argued.
âHey, whyâd you save Sir Pentious from Vox?â asked Husk to Baxter.
âVox just made me mad,â Baxter claimed. âI donât care about Sir Pentious.â
âPerhaps you admit I have some prowess,â said Sir Pentious.
Baxter scratched his neck. âWellâŚyeahâŚthat was pretty clever what you did to save the pig.â
Sir Pentious beamed.
âWell, both of you technically lost the expo contestâŚâ Vaggie said.
âI think it was a tie,â said Charlie, trying to cheer them up.
Baxter sighed. âWell since we both lost our inventions and perhaps our livesâŚperhaps I will refrain from quarrelling with you.â
âSame,â said Sir Pentious.
Charlie smiled.
âBut that doesnât mean weâre friends!â Baxter spat.
âWholeheartedly agree with you!â Sir Pentious snapped.
âWonderful, Baxter! Youâre improving also!â Charlie exclaimed.
âFinally something you two can agree on,â remarked Husk.
Vaggie sighed, glancing at Charlieâs hopeful eyes again. âIf you guys promise not to leave the hotel or cause any more trouble, you may stay.â
Baxter and Sir Pentious smiled.
âBut you both have to do your part to clean and defend the hotel. Plus the redemption part.â
âI shall do my very best!â declared Sir Pentious.
âAnd shrink this beast for good when we get back,â ordered Vaggie to Baxter.
Baxter sighed. âOkay. Iâll do my part tooâŚas long as I donât have to participate in Charlieâs superficial social sessions too much. Or Angel Dustâs sleazy acts.â
âItâs a deal,â said Vaggie.
Niffty raced down the beastâs side and snatched a pink smoothie from a pair of demons at a table. She climbed back up, the bottom of the glass in her mouth before scouting closer to Baxter. âYou knowâŚIâve been interested in more of your inventions.â She held out her smoothie to him. âCan you⌠tell me more?â
Baxter looked at the smoothie. âWhere did you get that?!â
âWant some?â Niffty slurped from one of the straws.
âYuck! Who knows who ate it!â
âWeâll be great friends, someday, I just know it! Youâre just soâŚslippery.â She giggled.
âNiffty,â groaned Husk as the beast headed back to the hotel as the sun set.
Vox sat in his studio again, Velvette behind him, screens glowing in the dark.
 Vox furrowed his eyebrows. âI was so close to getting my views to be the highest in all of Hell! I almost brought that hotel down, wouldâve been hilarious to see Angel Dust heartbroken! I knew I shouldâve slaughtered that swine when I had the chance!â He slammed a fist. He narrowed his eyes as he saw the news: âDrama At Hellâs Weaponâs Expo! Voxâs Embarrassing Secrets?! Plus, Snake And Fish, Who Would You Smash?â
âWell, we still have plenty of tricks up our sleeves,â said Velvette. âHell will eventually belong to us completelyâŚitâll just take time.â
âIâll make sure no Sinners will ever be redeemed in that dump. No one will ever leave Hell, especially from me. When Iâm through with that little princess and her rag tag bitches, every Sinner in Pentagram City will be hanging on to every word I say for eternity!â
Vox grinned evilly, his eyes glowing red and his teeth glowing cyan in the darkness.
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Hazbin Hotel Season One Episode Three: "The Brain"
The Hazbin SevenâŚCharlie, Vaggie, Alastor, Sir Pentious, Husk, Niffty, and Angel Dust sat in the parlor together, sitting on the red couch and the red chairs. Vaggie and the gang had worked hard on the commercial for the hotel (with a little help from Alastorâs magic). When Charlie was about to see it, the 666News broadcast interrupted it with the news of the Extermination happening in only six months instead of a year. The hotel was nearly disbanded after Charlie nearly lost hope after being mocked yet again by most of Hell. Later, they were able to catch Sir Pentious as being a spy for the villainous Vees. Warmed by Charlieâs forgiveness, but still wary of the others, Sir Pentious spent much of his time building more weapons in his room. He was thankful to be welcomed back to the hotel by Charlie. On the contrary, Vaggie, Angel Dust and the others werenât quite as jovial to the mad inventor serpent.
âOh, you guys!â Charlie beamed. âThank you so much! This commercial is so much better.â
âThank goodness you finally got to see it,â said Vaggie, holding her hand.
âI told you I had a good performance,â Angel Dust remarked. âBut still, if ya ever want me to shoot a good porn adâŚâ
âNo, Angel,â Vaggie deadpanned. âWe have enough problems as it is. Hopefully with this better commercial out, weâll be able to get more recruits.â
âI can always make more people come to itâŚâ Alastor began.
Vaggie glared. âAgain, Sinners need to choose to come here. Making them do what we want is enslavement, not redemption.â
âI mean, I have minions do my work all the time!â Sir Pentious mentioned, hand on his chest.
âAs do I,â Alastor grinned, glancing at his grinning shadow in the distance.
âAgain, I wouldnât be in this dump otherwise,â Husk grumbled as he stood up and wandered back to the bar. âThe new guy should count himself lucky that he still has a place to stay at.â
âWell, I couldâve traveled around in my zeppelin as usual,â Sir Pentious mentioned. He glared at Alastor. âIf someone didnât keep blowing it up!â
Alastor chuckled. âYou donât even deserve that thing, youâre so easy to defeat!â
âWatch your words, deer boy,â hissed Sir Pentious. âIâm still an Overlord.â
âWho needs approval from a trio of losers.â
âIâve been in Hell longer than any of you!â Sir Pentious stated.
Charlie raised an eyebrow.
âOh, except you, princess,â Sir Pentious corrected himself.
Alastor grinned, his red eyes glowing. âIâve taken down dozens of Overlords and broadcasted their screams on the radio. Iâd always be up for another volunteerâŚâ
âAlastor!â Charlie barked, standing up and moving protectively over to Sir Pentious. âThere is no tolerance for harm in my hotel.â
âIâm just kidding, my dear!â Alastor gleamed at Charlie, waving a hand before muttering in a barely audible radio voice to the side, âMostly.â
Angel Dust stood up. âThis gets me thinkin,ââ he turned to Sir Pentious. âAlastor couldâve defeated you long ago with those other Overlords. How did you manage to survive for so long?â
âMy clever inventions, of course!â Sir Pentious beamed. âBeing in my zeppelin allowed me to avoid ground attacks and see territory better in Pentagram City. All thanks to meâŚâ He glanced down at a few Egg Boiz by his feet. âOh, and my eggies, I guess.â
Alastor stood up and leaned on his microphone cane. âOf course, I did spare several powerful Overlords who are most polite and professionalâŚa message to the unrighteous ones. Take Zestial and Rosie, for example. Rosie and I have been dear friends for a while. We have much in commonâŚstylish fashion, a love of music, cannibalism, the list goes on.â He leaned toward Sir Pentious. âYes, I couldâve defeated you many years ago, but I was ratherâŚpreoccupied for the last seven.â
âBut I did attack you several times!â Sir Pentious reminded him.
âWhat I wanna know is how you were able to last this long?â Angel Dust asked.
âAnd how did you even make those things anyway?â Vaggie asked, pushing several Egg Boiz back with a spear. âAnd Sir Pentious, you promised to keep your stuff inside your room!â
Niffty leaned up and gazed in curiosity at one of Sir Pentiousâ cannons. She dusted it off with a feather duster and zoomed off before Sir Pentious could turn around and hiss at her.
âWellâŚâ Sir Pentious began. âThe creation of my eggsâŚI can only take partial credit for.â
âOkay?â Vaggie said. âDid you work with someone else?â
âOff and on,â Sir Pentious shrugged. âSometimes it was productive, other timesâŚthere were fights. Lots of them.â
Angel Dust folded his arms. âDonât tell me you worked with Cherri Bomb?â
Sir Pentious blushed. âThat spunky, pretty, um, I mean annoying rebel bitch? No way! I still have yet to defeat her in the next turf war.â
âNo more fighting,â Vaggie chided. âRemember the rules.â After hearing a faint explosion from outside, Vaggie strolled over to a window. She looked outside and spotted more of Sir Pentiousâ weapons and a chain-link fence being built by more Egg Boiz.
Vaggieâs face turned red as she faced Sir Pentious. âWHAT DID I SAY, SIR PENTIOUS?! I TOLD YOU, NO MORE WEAPONS!â
Sir Pentious chuckled and folded his arms. âYou told me to not use weapons inside the hotel. You didnât mention anything about not doing fights outside! I have to do my work somewhere!â
Vaggie grumbled, fists clenched. âI swear, you slimy, shady, stupid son of aâŚâ
A knock on the door.
âSaved by the knock,â Alastor trilled. Angel Dust sighed and stood up. âIâll get it.â
âCareful, Angel,â Vaggie called. âIt could be the Vees.â
Angel Dust opened it.
âHuh?â Angel Dust asked.
âHier!â gruffed a voice.
Angel Dust glanced down. âWho the hell are you?â
Before Angel Dust was a unique aquatic demon with the traits of an anglerfish. His face was bluish gray with three cyan freckles on each cheek and sharp cyan teeth. His irises were coral colored with cyan sclera. Over his eyes he wore thick round yellow goggles with a coral rim. His hair was dark ocean blue, short, with more cyan dots. He had a small dark gray top hat on his head with a tan middle stripe with white dots on it. Two large blue-gray fins stuck out from his face in the place of ears. He wore a full-length green-gray laboratory suit with yellow buttons along the middle. He had dark greenish gloves and boots. Attached to his hat was an anglerfish yellow esca with two small cyan stripes above it.
âBaxter,â he spat, revealing a German accent. âIst das der richtige Ort? Hazbin Hotel?â
âYesâŚâ Angel Dust breathed. He then smirked as he looked him over. âYouâre actually kinda cute, fish boyâŚâ
He reached out a pink gloved hand, but Baxter slapped his hand aside. âNo touching! No touching!â Baxter shoved Angel Dust aside and marched through the doorway. âI need sanctuary from the oncoming angels!â He dragged a cart behind him, covered up with a dark brown cloth held in place by ropes.
âCharlie!â Angel Dust called, closing the door. âI think you got yourself another client!â
Charlie stood up and squealed with delight as she glanced at the scientist demon. âOh my gosh! Itâs so wonderful to have you here!â
She strolled over. âIâm Charlie, thatâs Angel DustâŚâ
Charlie reached out toward Baxter, but he pulled out a white shrink ray. âSTAY BACK! BACK I SAY!â The residents stepped back, save for Alastor who stood casually watching.
Niffty slowly reached over toward the covered crate with a curious grin.
âHANDS OFF MY STUFF!â Baxter barked, a craziness in his eyes.
Vaggie held out a spear in front of her. âUgh! Another mad inventor!â
âMad scientist to you!â Baxter screeched. âUnderneath this here is my latest creation and my personal belongings. I cannot afford to have them destroyed or tainted by any of your filthy hands. Fremde!â
âHow did you even know about this place?â Angel Dust asked.
âYour commercial, obviously,â Baxter narrowed his eyes. âWith the Extermination looming, I needed a safer place to conduct my experiments. With my old lab destroyed in all this chaos, here seemed the next best place.â
He glanced around the building, unimpressed.
âDirty, worn, hideous colorsâŚnot sterile at all.â
Niffty smiled and peered close to him. âOooh, is that another bad boy?â She grinned slyly, reaching toward his esca and Baxter flinched back.
âDo you want to be smaller than you are?!â he yelled, aiming his shrink ray at her.
âI clean here,â Niffty smiled, climbing onto him. âPlease stay and donât leave me!â
With a yell, Baxter shoved her off himself and brushed off his outfit. âCretinsâŚâ
Charlie stepped forward again. âWell, BaxterâŚwelcome to the Hazbin Hotel! I was not expecting anyone else to come here.â
âI guess the commercial worked after all,â Vaggie mentioned. She glared at Baxter. âGround rules: no weapons and no experimenting on any of the guests!â
Baxter folded his arms. âI have no interest in interacting with any of you. I just need a special place for my new lab.â
âThis is a hotel, not a lab!â
âIâll make do with what you have!â Baxter fired back at Vaggie.
âWhat kind of bad things do you make?â asked Niffty.
âChemicals, formulas, DNA of many living things, none of your concern!â
âAgain,â Vaggie seethed. âIf youâre gonna stay here, you canât harm any of the guests!â
Baxter scoffed. âI have more important things to do.â
âAnd donât forget your daily meetings and activities,â Charlie said.
Baxterâs eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets. âMadness! The last thing I need is to waste my time yapping with you freaks all day!â
Charlieâs face fell a bit. âBut Baxter, we have to get to know you and what your sins are to redeem yourself.â
âI have no concern over the fruitless path of redemption!â Baxter bared his teeth. âMy only goal is to have a safe haven so I can plot my next plans of genius and world domination!â
âGood luck with that, shorty,â Angel Dust smirked.
âRedeem yourself or you canât stay,â Vaggie stated with a glare. Baxter glanced down at her spear with a smirk. âThe spear of an Exorcist. Fascinating. Angelic weapons are hard to come by.â
âNot if you buy them from Carmilla Carmine!â Sir Pentious bragged, slithering into the room with his crates of weapons. âNice try at hiding them, Vagatha!â
âMy human name is not my current name!â Vaggie barked, her bow briefly curling into red demon horns before morphing back.
âWhat theâŚshit!â Sir Pentious froze in his tracks. The two inventors gasped and then narrowed their eyes as they spotted one another. Tension built up in the room, getting thicker like pollution.
âBaxter?â Sir Pentious asked.
âWait, you know each other?!â Angel Dust asked.
âMy business partnerâŚor ex business partner,â Sir Pentious began.
âSir Pentious,â Baxter folded his arms. âFancy seeing you here at this shady joint. How are my Egg Boiz coming along?â
âThey have been mine all along, thank you very much!â Sir Pentious scoffed as several Egg Boiz briefly climbed onto his shoulders. âI kept the eggs warm and theyâve been with me all this time.â
âWho do you think brought them to life?â Baxter remarked. âYou said you needed minions from me, but all you had were stillborn eggs and malfunctioning copper robots. So, I used electricity, brain matter, and a bit of your DNA to give them sentience!â Baxter remembered laughing evilly, crying out âTheyâre alive!â as the eggs stood up, eyes appearing, small arms and legs forming in their incubators as lightning zigzagged.
âYesâŚand in return I allowed you to conduct your experiments in peace again.â
âBut you didnât! You didnât keep those things under control, and they kept barging along with their bombs in your silly turf wars, almost destroying my lab! Not to mention, they were way too noisy.â
âLike your A.I. robots are any better,â Sir Pentious narrowed his eyes.
âOh really?â
Baxter pulled out a remote from his pocket and pressed a button. Several metal balls rolled from under the crate cover before steadying to a stop. Several small gray robots stood up and appeared beside Baxter. They were controlled by mini bio-robotic pufferfish in sea water inside the center of the robotsâ metallic chests. Round movable camera heads rotated at the top of the robots. They had long extendable arms and legs and little glowing antennae on their round heads pointing down like escas.
Baxter grinned. âMeet my Piscine Machines! These little gremlins do my every evil bidding and send each other messages through their escas. Plus, they are completely waterproof!â
Several of them had numbers and names on their backs: âWasser,â âKugel,â âNitro,â âElectro,â âPinky,â among others.
âThose things are stupid,â Sir Pentious snickered. âI could blow them up just like that.â
âWe love you, Boss!â called Frank, one of the Egg Boiz to Sir Pentious.
âOh, like youâre such a wisenheimer,â Baxter scoffed. âIf you had followed mein lead, we couldâve ruled Hell together by now!â
âAll hail Master Baxter,â one of the Piscine Machines stated in a robotic underwater voice.
Sir Pentious hissed. âI donât need anyone over me. German gumbo!â
âLondon lunatic!â retorted Baxter.
âNeurotic nuisance!â
âSteampunk sissy!â
âFish-fucking freak!â
âArrogant asshole times infinity!â
Vaggie put her hand to her face in frustration. Alastor looked on, amused. Charlie watched with concern. âStop fighting, guys!â Husk, Niffty, and Angel Dust sat back with popcorn in their hands. Angel Dust smirked. âAnyone else feeling an Alastor vs Vox vibe?â
The group glanced back and forth as the mad inventor and mad scientist argued.
âI was here in Hell before you, in the 1800s!â Sir Pentious bragged. âPerhaps you were too busy living under a rock to notice the horrific wonders of my products through the centuries!â
âOh please! I took your old rusty steampunk stuff and improved on it in the 1910s,â Baxter countered. âReplaced your old gears with my superior electricity. And made mein own stuff today! Without me to make your minions for you, you wouldnât have lasted a day with the other wars and Overlords. This whole backwater realm shall be transformed by my genius work!â
âYour work? Bah! Says a man too cowardly to fight and conquer Hell and insteadâŚswims with the fishes.â
Baxter glowered. âI swear, I could just make you teensy right now, reptile!â He pulled out his white shrink ray.
âWant a blast from the past, baby fish?â Sir Pentious grinned, aiming his gray ray gun.
âENOUGH!â Vaggie yelled, standing between the two and shoving their guns aside. âPut those weapons away and separate, now! If I hear one more word from youâŚor if I hear that you harmed someone with your crazy tools, YOUâRE BOTH OUT! Are we clear?â
âYes,â the inventors nodded.
âIâve had enough of you demonic apes anyway,â Baxter said, nose in the air, flipping the bird. âAt least I didnât get defeated twice by the same guy like Sir Contentious over here!â
âThatâs soon to be Sir Repentious to you! And unlike Dexter here, Iâm part of the main cast and appeared in the first Season!â Sir Pentious had a smug look of victory on his face. An âOooh!â sound emitted from Alastorâs microphone and the Egg Boiz jeered.
Without another word, a glowering defeated Baxter swore under his breath, dragging the large cart behind him and vanishing from sight, the robots rolling in his wake.
Vaggie turned to Charlie with a sigh. âI do hope you know what youâre doing.â
Baxter searched high and low for the perfect lairâŚuntil he found one that was fitting.
âHmph, an old boat of all places,â Baxter remarked as he maneuvered inside the old ship attached to the hotel. It had worn white sails and portholes. âNote to self, avoid moth girl atop the mast. Perhaps I can build some underground tunnels to connect this to my old lab. Iâll need more water too in case I need to shift to my anglerfish demon form.â He uncovered the cart to reveal various vials, flasks, beakers, tanks of dissected animals, a few demon heads, needles, and suitcases of his personal items.
âGuess Iâd better get to work. Piscines, do your thing.â
His minions got to work, repairing the inside of the boat and drilling holes in the ground for the underground tunnels. Baxter found old tables and shelves in the boat and put his belongings on top. Miraculously, none of the glass containers had broken.
âThey really need a new boat for the place,â Baxter remarked. âIf youâre gonna add a random boat next to a place, make it look like a nice black Titanic, not a standing up shipwreck.â
 After a few days, Baxter was able to construct a small lab in the boat and a larger lab underneath the hotel. One tunnel led to a nearby lake where Baxter could swim in his fish form. Another tunnel led to his old lab in the city (Which still needed repairing.) The main tunnel from the old boat was a secret entrance, and it was how Baxter got in and out. Thankfully, a round metal rising platform in the tunnel allowed travel to and from the lab and the boat. An additional door with another elevator platform in a tunnel served as a shortcut to the front of the hotel.
Baxter chuckled darkly as he mixed various poisonous chemicals together. The first three batches fizzed and exploded, while the fourth one did nothing at all. Nearby, a small creature floated in a tank lit with green light with the label of its name: âLophiiformes.â The walls of the lab were blue-gray metal and various books, beakers, and machines lined the shelves. Baxter also had two beds, one in the lab and a smaller one on the boat. On a board were old Xirxine lab articles about the creation of human-animal hybrids, with a small picture of a blonde boy with a fluffy tail.
âHmmmâŚnot quite right. I couldâve sworn it would become my odorless poison gas to use on my enemies.â He sniffed the vial in front of him. âSmells like rotten eggs. Perhaps a dash of nitrogenâŚor some demon blood to the mixâŚâ
Fortunately, his white shrink ray still worked perfectly.
Baxter sighed. âYou have any ideas, Klein?â
Baxter glanced over at his mutant sidekick, a dark blue demonic cyborg pufferfish with a blue ratâs face in a larger moving gray robot. Klein glanced at him from within his watery space at the center of the robot. The animalâs thoughts appeared in words on a small screen at the bottom of the robot and a watery robotic voice came out of a small speaker.
âFeed me, master.â
âI told you, Iâm out of cheese. If you want food, use your robotic mouth to tear up some bugs or fish.â
Klein shook with fear a bit.
âThereâs nothing to be scared of in the ocean, Klein.â
âOverlordâŚsharksâŚâ the words appearing on the small rectangular screen on the robot.
 âWaitâŚyouâre scared of Voxâs sharks? You fool, they are nowhere near here! Now if you have any ideas that could help meâŚâ
âNo ideas. What are you gonna do today?â asked Klein.
(âHell Dominationâ song)
âThe same thing we do every day, Klein,â sang Baxter, eyes briefly glowing cyan, ââŚtry and take over Hell!â
Baxter then added with a smirk, âStarting with this hotel!â
Klein added in song, âI donât think it will go wellâŚâ
âOh pray, do tellâŚâ Baxter folded his arms.
Klein stood up and maneuvered through the lab on his extendable robot legs and arms.
âWell, thereâs a leak from a pipe over hereâŚâ
He mentioned to water dripping from a pipe on the ceiling.
ââŚand on that wall is some old smearâŚâ
He used his robotic claw to point to a green smear.
ââŚand to make things clearâŚ
âŚYou just got here,
To a new place with its strangers and dangers,
And very powerful demons, I hearâŚâ
âOh Klein, have no fear!â called Baxter.
âJust a screw hereâŚâ
Baxter stood on a ladder and fixed the pipe leak.
ââŚand a wipe thereâŚâ
Baxter wiped off the smear on the wall.
ââŚand all will be orderly everywhere.â
âYouâre all by yourself, tooâŚâ Klein mentioned.
Baxter waved a hand and scoffed.
âI only need mein genius to get me through!â
âWell, thatâs trueâŚâ Klein shrugged.
Baxter wandered around the lab, checking out the various specimens. He examined the floating fetus creature in the tube of green light, as well as demon heads floating in jars.
âIt is a great requirementâŚ
That I keep a sterile environmentâŚâ
Baxter pulled out a bunch of papers with various formulas written on it.
âMust stay ahead in the science race,
Nothing missing or out of placeâŚâ
Charlie knocked on the wooden door, the shortcut to the hotel and food. She had obviously gotten on the elevator platform and ignored the sign in bold letters that read âBAXTERâS LABORATORY: DO NOT DISTURB!â
âBaxter? Are you in here?â
Baxter seethed and muttered in a low voice.
âThe people hereâŚoh what a disgrace!â
Baxter looked over some blueprints to build a rocket to Hellâs pentagram moon. The labels on it read, âfly to moon,â âshrink the moon,â âRule over Hell by threatening to destroy the moon.â âPlan 2: rule over shrunken moon.â âPlan 3: Actually find enough material to build rocket.â
âI shall not stop until the world is mine!
When all will marvel at my grand design!
Theyâll find out that Iâm no abomination
Iâll get my official nomination
For Hellâs domination!â
Baxter chuckled evilly and glanced up at vials of black demon blood, and red Sinner blood. He took them in each hand, peering closely.
âHow do the cells in each blood mix?
Could angelic blood provide a quick fix,
To the many sufferings demons pay?
Oh, how to find rivals to dissect and slay!
And manipulate their DNA!â
Baxter grinned as he examined demon anatomy drawing figures in an old textbook near a couple of lit black candles and skulls on the table.       Â
âIf I could keep more idiots at bay,
What a fine plan, I must say!â
His cyan eyes darted in a crazed manner.
Klein leaned in front of him and reminded him,
âIn this hotel you want to stay?
No killings of residents today!â
Baxter stood up and moved to another part of the lab.
âIâll just stay out of Hellâs fray!â
 He was about to shock a rat in a cage when a beaming Charlie burst through the door. She held up a paper that read, âTeam meeting required!â in crayon.
âUrgh, NO WAY!â Baxter groaned in song.
Baxter rolled his eyes and followed her.
Baxter soon sat with his arms folded with the group as Charlie talked about ways to improve themselves. Baxter glared as Charlie happily talked with Sir Pentious.
âOh, how I loathe that loser Sir Pentious!
His steampunk flare, heâs so pretentious!â
Baxter watched as Sir Pentious demonstrated how his cannon invention worked. A blast shook the hotel and to his dismay, there was a new hole in the door to his lab.
âTaking the Egg Boiz I helped make,
Only so much talk I can take!â
Baxter later sat at the bar, face to face with grumpy Husk, who didnât seem to want to talk.
âWhat is up with this cat with wings?
And why he is surrounded by alcoholic things?
Grumpy all the time, seems rather old.
Boring chap, seeker of gold.â
âOne bottle of Eiswein, 1825 please,â Baxter said, sitting on a stool.
Husk glared. âDo I look like a fancy bartender? I donât have every wine in the world!â
Baxter narrowed his eyes. âYes, you do. All you guys have bowties, top hats, and suits, so I expect perfection and elegance! And why wouldnât you have it all if this is some kind of magical hallucinatory afterlife?â
âWell, youâre outta luck, kid. This is Hell.â
âAnd donât call me a kid!â Â Eyes briefly appeared where Baxterâs cyan dots were in his hair. âIâm a full-grown man, soon to be the most prodigious creator in all of Hellâs history!â
âKeep dreaming, shorty.â
âKeep brooding, kitty cat.â
They exchanged middle fingers/claws before Baxter stomped off.
Baxter and Vaggie then exchanged glares as they wandered around, doing their things.
âCreepy moth Fräulein, donât get too near
If I could find a way to take her spear,
A fabulous looking weapon indeed,
Could it be sold to add to my greed?â
Baxter reached out toward the spear, dollar signs in his eyes, but Vaggie shooed him away, swearing in Spanish. Baxter later flinched as Angel Dust gave him a sultry look.
âHey, fish face, youâre smart. Can ya make me any extra crack?â
âA sex-crazed man, oh so gross!
He might be one I despise the most!
Wasted in drugs, IQ the size of a peaâŚâ
âGET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF OF ME!â Baxter cried as Angel Dust grabbed hold of his esca and one of his fin ears with a seductive grin. He shoved Angel Dust away and brushed off his lab coat in disgust.
Charlie sighed. âWe still need to work on boundaries, Angel.â
âAnd not using drugs or killing people,â Vaggie added.
âBut how else can I defend myself in this fucked up city?â Angel Dust asked.
âSinners are immortal, right?â Baxter asked.
âYes,â said Charlie. âUnless they are killed by angelic weapons.â
âWell youâre the princess. Tell them about their immortality, bring them together to talk about their past Earth lives and tell them to lay down their weaponsâŚand bring them to me instead! Dilly! A non-violent world under my rule!â
âUhâŚâ Charlie began as Vaggie stared blankly. Then Charlie brightened. âOh yes, Baxter, great idea! Weâll all just talk about how we lived and died on Earth! What a great way to bond.â
Baxter face-palmed in embarrassment.
âFuck no,â Angel Dust growled. âI donât do trust, remember?â
âAnd you arenât even a Sinner, Charlie,â Vaggie added.
âAre you sure youâre actually a Sinner, Vaggie?â Angel Dust narrowed his eyes.
âUhâŚâ Vaggie paused, âYes! I am! I came from El Salvador, Earth and then to Hell and not from any other afterlife placeâŚâ
Baxter fumed. âYou fools arenât even listening! Immortal Sinners with angelic weapons = great potential mind-controlled army!â Baxter cackled with more ideas. âNo talk! Just act!â
Charlie held out her hands. âJust stick to the redemption plan, Baxter.â
Baxter held a middle finger. âIâLL EXPERIMENT AS I PLEASE!â
Baxter also flinched back in fear as Niffty giggled and stared hard at him, grinning, âBad science boy! Wanna get a smoothie together andâŚcheck out my smut fanfics?â
âUh, I donât even wanna know what the last thing you said is,â Baxter muttered in disgust.
âThough I appreciate her cleaning routine,
I feel disturbed by her daily scheme.
A crazed psychopath, a damaged mind,
I do not wish to meet more of her kindâŚâ
Baxter also stared with fear and awe at Alastor.
âA mystery deer man, works the radio
An entertainer, loves to be in his show.
Could his high power be a perk?
Or is he a manipulative jerk?â
âOh, another Sir Pentious?â Alastor asked, eyes narrowing. âFeel free to face my magic if you dare.â
âNein.â Baxter promptly ran off.
âReady to talk about your feelings, Baxter?â Charlie smiled.
âOh, Iâll tell you what I feel,â Baxter snapped. âSocializing and redemption is for the weak-minded. Dummkopf.â
âI will take your dangerous science stuff away,â Vaggie glared in warning. âThere will be no experiments on anyone or anything at this hotel!â
Charlie stared blankly at Baxter before he strolled back to the lab, flipping Vaggie the bird.
âBlonde babbling annoyance is Charlie!
Sweet, I suppose, but still nothing to me!
Making me interact with cretins? No!
It shall not be so!
When I rule Hell,
Those morons will be the first to go!â
âYou are not the most clever,â Sir Pentious argued.
âNiffty, do not pull that lever!â Baxter yelled with a jump as Niffty reached for a nearby lever by his lab door. He hissed and she scurried away with a giggle.
âApologize,â Vaggie chided.
âNever!â Baxter yelled, slamming the door.
Charlie was about to burst into song about redemption and getting along.
âMy Sinner friends, letâs learn to get alongâŚâ
Baxter opened the door a crack and pointed at her threateningly.
âAnd donât burst into song!â
He slammed the door again, going down the platform and entering the lab.
He stood with his back to the door, shaking. The lights dimmed in his lab as he caught his breath.
âWhy didnât I go deeper underground?
Where I could experiment in peace with no demon to be found?
I want acknowledgement for my greatness, yesâŚâ
Baxter slouched as he sat in a chair, Klein squeaking toward him.
âEven though this life, too is a messâŚ
But I say, it wasnât always this wayâŚâ
Voice cracking a bit, Baxter sighed and had brief memory flashbacks. A shadow of Baxter morphed into a shadow of a little girl against the dark cyan wall. A mother and father shadow figures hugged the girl.
âEarly 20th centuryâŚraised in a decent family in GermanyâŚâ
âLoved by my parents, life of inertiaâŚ
Gave me a peculiar name, BerthaâŚâ
The shadows morphed into human Baxter, running fingers down a dress he wore. The shadow was bored as other girls in dresses talked on a bench.
âDoing household work and wearing dresses
Was only the beginning of my stressesâŚâ
Baxterâs shadow read a sign that said âScience Fair,â then with a lowered head as âBoys onlyâ appeared. Human Baxter watched in envy as boy student figures presented their science projects.
âI studied and researched all night longâŚ
Having no idea that a girl in scienceâŚ
âŚwas seen as wrong.â
The human shadow of Baxter protested as the parent figures shook their heads, taking away books and instead offering a wedding dress.
âI could not afford to waste in a passive role.
The rules and pressure took a tollâŚâ
The shadow of Baxter studied and then began to conduct experiments in secret. Befriending mice but then killing them after wanting to see their insides like in a textbook he had. Baxter stole testosterone drugs from a shop at night, slowly turning male.
âWhen I wanted to pursue scienceâŚ
They reared back in defianceâŚâ
A young Baxter flinched back as his mother hit him, words in a thought bubble next to her, âYouâre our daughter! Girls raise children.â While his father lowered his head. âIâd like a son, but youâre a lie.â     Â
The Baxter shadow in tears, ran away, a somber song pouring from Baxterâs core.
âI ran away from home.
With nothing but my gadgets, lost and alone.
Things were never the same.
I changed my sex and changed my name.â
A picture appeared of Baxter, a human male with white skin, short black hair and blue eyes wearing a white lab coat and goggles.
Baxterâs shadow grew up, making more inventions and weapons after working long hours at an engineering factory. His work got more praise as he proudly displayed various chemicals, machines, and physics research. Two adult male figures came over to Baxter, shaking his hand. Shadows of factory workers produced steel for Baxter in long hard conditions.
âChemical weapons, electricity
All those and more, my specialtyâŚ
I experimented on humans, too,
With my special genius crewâŚâ
Baxterâs shadow showed an evil grin as a shadow of a screaming human struggled in a bath of ice, while another scientist performed a lobotomy. He had given up his humanity for the sake of scientific progress. He was also a supporter of eugenics.
âI still remember my last mission on Earth before
To help carry out nuclear weapons of war.â
Baxterâs shadow rode on a large German boat, working on a war submarine blueprint.
âBut my notoriety journey and hope was dashed
Because my boat soon crashed!â
The boat turned over as it crashed into a rival ship. Baxter, desperate to save his inventions, tried to get out of the room he was inâŚtoo late. He soon drowned as ocean water rushed in, flowing over his head. His body sank with the boat and his inventions were lost to time.
Baxter returned back to the present, staring at his reflection in a glass tank. His anglerfish form was a reminder of three things Baxter hated most: his drowning death, his never-ending anglerfish hunger for victims and knowledgeâŚand his former female traits. He scoffed and waved a hand.
âNone of that matters now. After many years, and at this new place, I might get another chanceâŚto make changes in my favor!â
He and his sidekick sang.
âI shall not stop until the world is mine!
When all will marvel at my grand design!
Theyâll find out that Iâm no abomination,
Iâll get my official nomination
For Hellâs domination!
Muhahahahahaha!â
Baxter mixed more chemicals together before he and Klein broke out in evil crazed laughter as electricity sparked around them. Baxterâs eyes and teeth glowed cyan in the darkness.
0 0 0
âGuten morgen, Klein,â Baxter groaned after a short rest. The robot whirled over in greeting. Baxter sat up in his small bed in the lab and got ready for the day. Before long, he was back in his usual science garb. So far, his projects didnât seem to be making much progress, aside from his shrink ray. The rocket project was put on hold, the flux capacitor for an old time machine had crumbled in explosive smoke, and he still couldnât come up with an odorless poison gas for his enemies. As for making hybrids? He figured there were plenty of them in Hell already. He glanced at his valuable emergency stash of angelic weapons: one dagger, one small sword with three tips on top, and one revolver with only two bullets. Those he would keep for himself just in case. He would eventually need to contact Carmilla Carmine for advice on how to improve his own creations against the Exorcists.
Baxter stood up and examined his various items, He was disappointed that only a few jars of mustard gas were left. He had tried to use the other ones against Sir Pentious in an old turf war but had almost gotten hit with Sir Pentiousâ laser blasts.
âIf only there was some way to harm the fools, make them easier to control in just one blastâŚâ
Baxter flipped through his books. Nanotechnology would take too long at the moment, given how desperate the princess was at making him interact and restraining his valuable research time. What would be almost invisible but uniquely effective?
After a while, Baxter came up with a bizarre idea. He looked at a diagram of a black demonic cactus in an old leather-bound book and read a description. âDiablo Desert cactus juice; a natural psychedelic found in the Infernius Cactus plant. It creates hallucinations like on Earth but for longer periods of time. Can infect the mind if exposed for several hours. Takes effect when ingested or when it enters the eyes and mouth.â
âBrain blast!â Baxter cried out with a cackle. Klein jumped up in brief shock. Baxter grinned. âI shall collect this âcactus juice,â dilute it into one of my ray guns and with the pull of a trigger, itâll splash into their eyes and mouth, causing instant nightmares. And with them being in such mental agony, theyâll do anything to follow my commands.â
Klein grinned as well and pointed to a map of Pentagram City in one of the other books.
âDiablo DesertâŚthat appears to be on the outskirts of the city. Although it would be dangerous to go back outsideâŚbah! Better that then having those demons bother me all day long!â
Baxter growled as he heard the sound of Angel Dustâs sexual moans and Sir Pentiousâ bomb blasts from up above.
âWhy didnât I make these walls more soundproof?!â
He turned to Klein. âMy greatest militaristic and scientific achievement may be at hand. Come, Klein! PrepareâŚthe Baxtermobile!â He pointed forward.
A pause.
Klein stood silent. âUh, master, you donât have one.â
Baxter lowered his hand. âWhat do you mean I donât have one?! I had one just a few days ago!â
âWellâŚâ
Klein recalled to him the moment when Baxter had been at one of Charlieâs friendship meetings. When no one was looking, Niffty had pulled the lever and snuck down into the lab. She had pushed a big red âDONâT YOU DARE TOUCHâ button and from underneath the floor, a small blue car appeared with fish fins, eyes for headlights and a monstrous teeth design in the front. It also had built-in torpedoes. Pressing a blue button on the side, the car shrunk to fit in her hands. Niffty gleefully took it back upstairs and pressed the button to enlarge it outside the hotel. She had tried to drive it, but instead reversed it into the chain-link fence where it soon exploded after Sir Pentious accidentally hit it with a machine blast at target practice. Niffty flew out of the vehicle from the force of the explosion, landing on her back. âIâm okay!â she grinned as Sir Pentious and his minions glanced in confusion.
âI couldnât afford to tell you, master,â Klein shuddered.
Baxter swore under his breath. âFine! I shall walk! Piscines, cover me! Klein, watch over the lab! And for fucks sake, donât forget to lock the doors this time! The code is 010101âŚ0.â
Klein shook his robot head. âThatâs the passcode?â
âItâs computer binary code, the most classic there is!â Baxter protested. He pressed a button and lifted himself up toward the boat, with several Piscines following him. Niffty had been outside cleaning up the debris Sir Pentious had made. Baxter didnât notice the cyclops maid peering out from a corner at the front of the hotel.
âDiabloâs Desert should be this wayâŚI think,â Baxter muttered to his robots. Niffty gasped and went back inside.
âHey, guys?â Niffty asked, scurrying over to the group. An unusual look of worry was on her face.
Alastor was reading a newspaper in a red chair. Angel Dust was scrolling through his phone. Husk was slouching at the bar. Sir Pentious was testing his inventions outside. Charlie was drawing more group bonding ideas on pieces of paper while Vaggie was listening to El Salvadorian punk rock music with gray headphones.
âWhat now?â Vaggie glared, removing the headphones. âShouldnât you be cleaning some more or drooling over those male model magazines of yours?â
âWell, I was going to do just that,â Niffty said, âbut that cute slippery science guy appears to be missing.â
âOh, go figure,â Vaggie retorted. âHe does nothing but plot in his lab.â She turned to her girlfriend. âCharlie, you may have to ban him and Sir Pentious if their killing goes too farâŚâ
âNo!â said Niffty. âI mean, like heâs actually missing! I saw him and some robots wander the streets. I heard them talking about some desert.â
Charlie then raced over. âWhat?! How could he just leave?âÂ
Vaggie deadpanned. âHeâs betraying us already!â
âI think heâll come back,â said Niffty. âMaybe heâs justâŚrunning an errand?â
Vaggie looked worried. âI donât think he would do something that trivial.â
âWe have to go after him!â said Charlie. âMake sure heâs safe!â
âYouâre right,â said Vaggie. âSince he knows about the hotel, we canât risk him getting with the Vees, or worse.â
âSo you dames are leaving this place and going after a guy you barely know?â Husk asked, eyebrow raised.
âAfraid so,â Charlie said.
Husk sighed. âWell, nothinâ better to do in this dump. Iâll come along. If he gets into any shady business, you guysâll need someone whoâŚknows the streets.â
Angel Dust grinned. âIâm always up for adventure! And since I donât have to see Val today, Iâll tag along, too!â
âOh, thank you, Angel,â Charlie said. She watched as Angel Dust checked one of his long gray guns in his hand, the one decorated with a spider web design. âJustâŚdonât kill anyone unless you have to.â
âFine by me.â
âAnd donât be grabby with me or anyone else,â Husk added.
âWill do, Husker,â Angel Dust smirked.
âAnd quit callinâ me that!â Husk pointed a claw. He packed some sharp playing cards and explosive dice into a small bag, plus a revolver decorated with card suits.
âIâm coming too!â Niffty added, holding a sharp sewing needle.
âCan you defend yourself?â Husk asked. Niffty demonstrated by throwing a small dagger into the wall and lifting up the red couch with one small hand before setting it down.
Husk shrugged. âThat answers that. Come along.â
Vaggie stood with her hands on her hips as she watched Alastor lounge in his seat and Sir Pentious coming back inside. âWhat are you waiting for? We need to find Baxter! Vamanos!â
Sir Pentious crossed his arms, forked tongue out. âGo after that cheating science sardine? No way! Iâm staying here with my minions, guarding the fort!â
Alastor smirked as he relaxed in his red chair with a newspaper, a red mug of coffee in his hand and KeeKee purring on his lap.
âYouâre not coming, either?â Vaggie asked.
Alastor waved his hand. âAs much I like entertainment, I feel that you guys can handle this ratherâŚfishy situation on your own. Hahaha!â
âBut youâre powerful! You canât just leave us!â
âDonât dilly-dally, my dear! The more you linger, the more that fish may get eaten by aâŚloan shark perhaps! Haha!â His microphone cane next to him did a crowd laughter sound effect.
Vaggieâs face turned red. âFine!â She held out her spear. âI want to see this hotel still intact when we come back! Both of you will leave if I find out about any fighting! Got it?â
Both men nodded, giving each other brief glares before continuing with their routines.
Baxter huffed and puffed as he and a few robots wandered the chaotic streets of Pentagram City. Through the thick smog, he could catch a glimpse at a desert in the distance.
âAlmostâŚthere,â he told himself. He had narrowly avoided angry drunks throwing beer bottles at him, Voxâs sleazy commercials (âVoxTek ScienceSensationApp 6.6: Trust us with your equipment! Iâm looking at you, fish boy!â), Envy Ring aquatic demons calling him âpuny,â and a slender blonde three-eyed lady with what Baxter recalled, âdat fine booty.â (His robot minions had to shock him to his senses at the last one).
At last, Baxter set foot on the grainy red sand of Diablo Desert. There was not much to look at, save for a few black cacti, some rocks, and a small demonic scorpion with lots of little red eyes perched on another rock.
âBe careful, minions,â said Baxter. âScorpions, snakes, vulturesâŚlots of dangers here.â
The desert heat did nothing to aid Baxter in his evil genius journey. His scales became wrinkly and every once in a while, he had to splash himself with a device that could turn molecules into water. But even the water recycling device could only do so much.
Baxter glanced down at one of the robots who showed him a holographic map of the area. A few red dots showed the cactus plants that held the most effective hallucinogenic juice he needed. It was still a long way to go to the largest one. The map also showed a small nearby town with old wooden and metal buildings decorated with eyes: âDeath Village.â
Baxter wiped away sand from his goggles and shook sand from his hair. âNotâŚtoo much longerâŚâ
The Hazbin gang followed not too far behind. They wouldâve been able to spot Baxter if not for the blowing sand.
âBaxter! Baxter!â Charlie called.
âI donât think he can hear us!â Angel Dust mentioned. âNiffty, are you certain he went this way?â
âI think so!â she called, riding on Huskâs back to keep from sinking into the sand. âThis is the only desert around Pentagram City.â
âWell, you forgot to mention how fucking huge it is!â Husk groaned. âItâs like tryinâ to find one golden Joker in a million decks.â
âWell, itâs not impossible,â said Charlie.
âWhy would Baxter want to come all this way to a hot desert?â Angel Dust asked.
Charlie peered ahead and spotted a wooden sign that read âDeath Village, No Outlaws Here!â
âI bet he went to the town! Letâs go, guys!â
Everyone trailed behind Charlie. Finally, the wind stopped, and all was eerily quiet. The small western-style town had several taverns, poles for demonic skeletal horses, banks with broken windows, and a sherifâs office with no police force in sight. A few shops sold angelic weapons, drugs, beer, farm equipment, and for a very expensive price, water.
âI donât like the look of this place,â Charlie whispered as they passed by a shady motel (âShady Motel: No Shade Here, 100% Livable!â) She spied two demons smoking in a small room as demon cockroaches crawled in every corner. Black vultures with eyes on their wings pecked at a dead demon carcass in the red sand as other demons dressed in cowboy attire casually watched. Vaggie mentioned for Charlie to cover her head with one of several brown hooded robes they had packed along. Soon everyone except Niffty had their heads covered from passerby.
âUh, Charlie?â Vaggie asked, holding her spear. âI get the strange feeling that weâre being watched.â Shadowy heads and glowing eyes peered out from inside the darkened buildings.
âOh Vaggie, you worry too much,â Charlie chuckled. âIâm sure weâll meet some friendly folks here who will point us in the right direction to our friend.â
âHeâs not our friend,â Angel Dust said. âWeâre risking our lives for a deranged stranger.â
âWeâve come all this way,â said Vaggie. âMight as well get it over with.â
Niffty giggled as she hopped down from Huskâs shoulders. She eyed a muscular demon with tattoos on his arms before Husk yanked her back. âYouâre holdinâ my hand,â he deadpanned. Niffty giggled. âHow romantic.â
âShut up,â said Husk. âYou started this mess, youâll keep us out of any more messes!â
âThatâs what I do best!â
Husk rolled his eyes. âRight.â
They finally arrived at a central tavern with wooden shutter doors.
Charlie and Vaggie went inside, sticking close together. Niffty followed under their feet.
âSpider creep,â Husk told Angel. âYou stand guard while we go interrogate.â
Husk followed the crew inside, leaving Angel Dust outside.
âCan ya get me a strong one while youâre in there?â he asked.
âDonât count on it!â Husk replied.
Angel Dust scoffed and muttered to himself. âI never get paid well for shit like this.â
It was dank and crowded in the tavern, but it was better than being out in the heat. A group of demons played pool in the corner, hitting real eyeballs with sticks. Several snake demons wearing cowboy hats sat at a booth playing cards and drinking. Two thugs beat up a purple demon and tossed him out through a window that shattered. Vaggie coughed as cigarette smoke hazed and settled in the room.
Husk smirked at Charlie. âBe glad youâre not running the âHazbin Motel.ââ Charlie laughed nervously, straightening up her blonde hair underneath her hood.
The crew went up to the bar and sat on the stools. Husk placed several demon soul coins onto the counter. The bartender appeared; a blue dragon with a black beard, wearing a plaid shirt, thick boots, and black overalls. A gold nose ring gleamed from near his nostrils.
âOutsiders, eh?â grunted the dragon.
âJust travelers searching for precious riches like all of us,â Husk replied. âWeâll take one Beelzejuice, and several â66 Satantonics.â
âWait, I donât drink,â Charlie began, but Husk hissed, âJust go with it.â
The dragon took the glowing coins and placed several dirty mugs of alcohol in front of them. Charlie gently pushed the drink away and Vaggie did the same. Husk held a paw on Nifftyâs shoulder, stopping her from chugging her drink down.
Outside, Angel Dust peered around and spotted a shadowy figure in the distance. He and the figure drew out their guns at the same time.
âWhatâre you doinâ here, stranger?â asked the figure.
âNone of ya business,â Angel Dust replied.
âI know every scoundrel in this town,â said the figure. âI spotted you and your hooded crew. And you donât belong here.â
âIf I were you, Iâd back off and pick on somebody else.â
âYouâre in the way,â seethed the figure.
âSo?â
âSo, if ya have no friends in there youâre protectin,â ya should be fine with lettinâ me pass.â
Angel Dust wouldnât budge.
The figure began. âIâll give ya five secâŚâ
Vaggie and Charlie jumped as they heard gunshots from outside. The dragon raised an eyebrow. âThere a problem?â
âNo problem at all,â said Charlie. âWeâreâŚlooking for a fishy chap who came by this way. Have you seen him?â
âNope. Hardly anyone comes to visit here.â
âAnythingâŚuniquely of value here?â asked Husk.
âUsual weapons, gold, drugs and the like,â the dragon said. âBut there is one thing we have that you city-folk donât.â
âCan you tell us?â asked Charlie.
The dragon grinned, mentioning to the group of card players. âIf you show me your mark. Or perhaps you can gamble for the answer.â
âWhat mark?â asked Vaggie.
The dragon showed a black tattoo on his wrist: three black 6s encircled together with eyes inside the round loops in the 6s.
Huskâs eyes widened and he shook. He hadnât gambled for something big since he had lost to Alastor. He grew more worried as he saw other demons with the same mark on their wrists, arms, and legs. They clearly were outsiders now.
âYou too much of a scaredy cat?â the dragon mocked. Husk narrowed his eyes in return. Husk was about to head over to the poker table when Vaggie asked, âHey, whereâs Niffty?â
Husk then gasped as Niffty flirted with a bunch of muscular men with guns.
âAre you kidding me?!â Husk called in frustration as he snatched Niffty away before things could get heated.
âYour little gremlin almost snatched my gold necklace,â said one of the reptile demons.
âSorry, sir,â said Husk.
Things got worse when Husk stretched out his wings and accidentally spilled beer onto another demonâs lap. âWatch it, pussy!â barked the demon.
âOops,â Husk shook with embarrassment. âWhy do I even have these useless wings?!â
Angel Dust burst into the room. âGuys, we gotta move!â He punched a demon guy before he got to the shutter doors. A smirking demon moved his spiky tail under Angel Dustâs feet causing him to trip. His hood fell off and the crowd fell silent.
âIs that Angel the porn star?â asked a cowboy. âI saw him on the old TV.â
âIs he rich?â asked another.
âHeard he works for one rich master,â said another demon.
âHang on,â the dragon said, eyes narrowing.
The dragon stepped over and removed the girlsâ hoods. Charlie and Vaggie gasped and stepped back.
âIs that the princess?â asked the dragon. He then grinned evilly as a masked gang burst into the tavern.
âHereâs the jackpot, boys!â he called, mentioning to the group as Charlie cried, âNo!â
âThey have no marks,â called another demon. âGet âem!â
There was a roar of shattering glass bottles, shouts, and gunshots. Several demons cheered and banged their fists as they watched the brawls.
âHeh,â the dragon smirked. âThose fools didnât even find out about our hidden cactus juice secret. Very few demons know about it.â Another demon glared at the dragon as Husk gave him the stink eye. âWhat? What did I say?â asked the dragon. âShit!â The dragon ducked before one of Huskâs dagger cards smashed an overhead bottle.
Angel Dust fired his weapons at several thugs. Husk threw his dagger cards and exploding dice at the card-playing serpents, their heads exploding in red blood. Niffty laughed at the chaos until a meaty hand grabbed her from behind. She shrieked in fright.
âNiffty!â Angel Dust cried out before a heavy club came down hard on his head. The spider collapsed as Husk was put into a chokehold by another demon. Charlie and Vaggie tried to sprint for the door, but two leering men stopped them in their tracks, placing dirty rags over their mouths and noses. The girls struggled and groaned until they succumbed and passed out.
0 0 0
Baxter was dehydrated and exhausted, a literal fish out of water. âVat vas I thinking?â Baxter groaned. âValking vithout vater in this vasteland, all in search for juice?â Baxter nearly stepped onto a red snake with many eyes along his back. The snake hissed. Baxter glanced at it. âStop mocking me, Sir Pentious! You know I vill always be the better creator! Take dis! And dat!â He kicked the sand in front of him and face-planted in the sand. The snake rolled its eyes and slithered away. In his drowsy state, Baxter stood up and spat out red sand. âIâm surely going in circles, surrounded by rolling gray armadillos.â
The three rolling robots tried to get his attention.
The oblivious Baxter didnât notice a black, many-eyed scorpion behind a rock, getting ready to pounce. The scorpion lunged at Baxterâs neck with a hiss, barbed tail posed to stingâŚ
Zap!
The creature fell charred to the sandy ground as one of the robots zapped it with a taser in its robot hand.
Baxter turned around and glanced down. âOh? A new poisonous specimen! Perfect for my collection!â He pulled out a small jar and placed the dead scorpion inside, pocketing it.
Baxter continued onward, until he finally appeared at the largest red dot on the map. He nearly crashed into a towering black cactus with poisonous black spikes jutting in every direction. Baxter nodded to the robots. One of them climbed up the cactus with clawed metal hands. The round camera on top whirred to the left and right. It then tapped the cactus and found the perfect spot. As a small drill emerged from one of the robotâs hands, another minion held a plastic syringe-like object. The first robot finished drilling and tan liquid spilled out of the hole. The second robot sucked the liquid into the syringe and the third robot captured more in a test tube. The robots avoided the barbs and jumped down to help Baxter load his new gun. It had several small needle-like darts with the cactus juice soon inside.
âOh excellent, excellent!â Baxter grinned.
âHey!â called an orange demon with two curved horns. âThatâs my cactus juice ya got there.â
âNo, itâs not!â Baxter replied.
The orange demon showed the 6s mark on his wrist. âOnly those in Death Village know about that stuff. We sell it on the black market in secret. Outsiders should notâŚâ
Baxter fired a dart and it landed into the demonâs forehead. The demon swayed around and blurted out many curses before collapsing onto the sand.
âMan, that stuff is strong,â Baxter mentioned, before he heard something nearby. He and the robots snuck past the cactus and toward an open space just outside the town. Baxter hid behind a rock and slowly lifted his head. To his shock, he found the Hazbin gang surrounded by outlaws!
Charlie and her crew slowly woke up, shaking their heads.
âOh, shit,â Husk drawled as he and the gang struggled in vain to free themselves from the brown rope tying all of them up together.
Niffty glanced around. âBeing tied up isnât really that badâŚâ
âYou need serious help, Niffty,â Vaggie glared.
âIf weâre going for BDSM, guys, itâll cost ya extra,â Angel Dust joked half-heartedly.
âOw! Hey!â Angel Dust spat as he was slapped in the head from behind.
âThe has-beens are finally awake!â drawled a rough voice, chuckling evilly.
Charlie took a better look at the gang surrounding them. One man had a red scarf over his mouth and his light green face was long and bald, save for small black hairs on both sides. His partner next to him had a wrinkled gray face, with a red scarf near his neck and a black strand of hair sticking upward like a stick on his head. He also had one black eye patch over his right eye like a pirate.
Then the leader stepped forward, the one who had spoken. He was heavyset with dark yellow skin and a large mouth full of sharp yellow teeth. His eyes glowed red and a brown cowboy had was on his head, dotted with smaller red eyes. All the members had the 6 marks on their wrists and wore dark brown and black cowboy attire. The leader had black cowboy boots and a belt with several pistolsâŚone of which had glowing white designs on it.
âGuys,â Vaggie started to panic in a whisper. âThatâs an angelic weapon he has there.â
âSo, letâs grab it,â Niffty said.
âNo, I mean, if he kills us with it, weâre goners.â
The leader grinned. âOh, yâall talking about this, here?â He took out the angelic pistol and twirled it in his meaty hand. âPretty fancy, huh? My two fellas here managed to sell our special commodity in the city for a big price. With that money, they got me this weapon just as I ordered. Now Iâm in charge of this here townâŚâ he leaned forward.
ââŚand it seems you folk couldnât take the heat.â
âYou better let us go,â Vaggie glared.
âOh, I donât think so,â said the leader. âThe nameâs Gus. âCause Gus what?â He grinned. âAh believe I just captured Hellâs very own princess!â
âAnd a famous porn star!â added Baldy.
âAnd an ex-Overlord,â snickered One-Eye in a low voice.
âAndâŚuhâŚâ Baldy peered closer. âSomeâŚcomedic relief maid and thisâŚâ
Gus leered closer to Vaggie with a lustful look. âFallen angel of a chick?â
Vaggie almost passed out due to fear of her true origins. Thankfully none of the others seemed to notice.
âYes, boys, this is our lucky day. With the princess and the spider and the kitty held hostage, weâll be sure to get ransom money from their masters and the king himself! Voxâs commercials sure do tell a lot.â
âHow stupid,â Angel Dust deadpanned. âVal doesnât even know about you guys.â
âMy dad can totally kick your asses,â Charlie added.
âAnd you donât wanna know who I deal with,â Husk growled.
âWell, princess, this is where you come in,â said Gus. âYou are going to summon the head honchos here and demand them that they give us all their richesâŚin exchange for your freedom and your life!â
âWith that money, weâll be able to start our own drug cartels,â smirked Baldy. âNo more being limited to the desert. Once word gets out, weâll sell heaps of cactus juice and become Overlords ourselves!â
One-Eye grinned at Charlie and Vaggie. âThe guys will work in our factory and you two shallâŚâ he licked his lips, âgive us more intimate pleasuresâŚâ
Vaggie and Charlie flinched back in disgust. Niffty grinned. âOh yes, please!â One-Eye then glanced at Niffty, waving a hand, âNo, not that one,â and stepped back. Niffty groaned in disappointment.
âOr, you know, we can just kill ya,â added Baldy.
âAre you guys crazy?!â Charlie bellowed. âI donât know any summoning magic!â
âWell, you have ten seconds to get started,â Gus began. âOr your little friends go double dead!â
The crew shivered and shook as the pistol was aimed at them.
âBy my scientific calculations, I see a 0% chance of that occurring!â
The crew gasped as a fish scientist boldly stood his ground in front of Gus.
âBaxter!â Charlie called happily.
âThatâs Dr. Baxter to you!â
âWhat is this? A fish out of water?â Gus mocked. âWhy donât you swim on back to the ocean?â
Baxter fired a dart, but missed.
âMissed me, missed me, now you gotta kiss me, faggot!â Gus mocked. His goons pounced toward Baxter, but he flipped out of the way.
âYou cavemen have amazingly slow reflexes,â Baxter mentioned. âAnd Iâm not interested in anyone!â
âYouâre nothinâ but shark bait!â Gus hollered. âYouâll be great on my dinner plate!â
Baxter dodged a bullet as he replied, âYour puns arenât that punny!â
âGet him!â Gus roared as Baldy and One-Eye chased after him. âIâve got bigger fish to fry! Hahaha!â
Gus turned to his hostages and grinned. âThe curtain closes on your pathetic little afterlivesâŚâ
One of Baxterâs robots moved its long extendable arm under Gusâ feet and he tripped forward with an âOof!â
âWhat the?â Angel Dust asked. Another robot rolled over to the pile of weapons, tossing Nifftyâs sewing needle over to the group. The robot was about to toss Angel Dust one of his guns when an explosive bullet rammed into the robot, making it explode. One-Eye had fired the shot.
One-Eye laughed as he stepped on the dead anglerfish surrounded by a puddle of water and the metal remains of the robot. âBye, fishy!â
Baxter seethed.
Niffty reached forward and managed to grab the sewing needle with her foot. She flipped it up and grabbed it in her hand. She sawed quickly at the rope until it loosened. Husk was able to cut the rope further using his sharp claws. The friends were finally free as the rope fell off.
âLetâs go!â called Vaggie, racing over to retrive her spear. Angel Dust retrieved one of his guns, exhanging blasts with Gus. Vaggie waved her spear at One-Eye, who dodged her attacks and made her trip on her hair. He was about to choke her, when Charlie slapped him in the face.
âWhy you littleâŚâ One-Eye began before one of Huskâs cards pierced him in the gut. The goon collpased dead on the sand. âStab! Stab! Stab!â Niffty laughed evilly as she leaped onto One-Eyeâs back and stabbed his exposed neck with her sewing needle.
âIâm gonna wash you out, spider!â Gus called, firing more bullets that Angel Dust dodged. âAnd your kitty-cat boyfriendâs gonna be in the cathouse when Iâm done with him!â
âYou guys are pretty pathetic at this,â Angel Dust retorted. âAnd your jokes truly suck. Alastor does better dad jokes than that.â
âHey,â Angel Dust called, turning to Baldy. âIs your face a cactus, or a lime-colored dick?â
âShut up, whore!â Baldy yelled, throwing punches that Angel Dust easily blocked with his many arms. Angel Dust grinned and pulled the trigger several times.
BANG! BANG!
The goon fell backwards, dead.
âGot this one!â Angel Dust laughed in triumph, holding Baldyâs severed head, black demon blood spilling out. He dodged more of Gusâ attacks.
âCome on, Niffty!â Vaggie called, as Niffty briefly enjoyed the black bloodbath. Vaggie picked up Niffty and carried her along. Several demons peered from the buidings to watch the fight. Baxter pleaded with a grubby demon shopkeeper for a bottle of water. The demon grinned evilly, pointing to the very expensive $66.00 souls price. Baxter cried out in desperation. He then saw the Hazbin crew through his blurry eyes.
Husk and Charlie stood facing Gus in a Western staredown. Tumbleweed rolled off to the side.
âThis is the end for you, circus freaks!â Gus cackled as townspeople cornered the Hazbins from behind. âAs you roll in your graves, Iâll be mighty rich! Hahahahaha!â
Gus then paused, eyes wide as a dart with cactus juice stuck out of his neck. His eyes swirled with hypnotic colors and he swayed. âCactus juice sure is quenchy! It Haz-bin quite a day!â
Baxter held his dart gun proudly with shaking hands. âGute nacht, asshole!â
Gus giggled like a child and blurted out a series of puns. âWhere do sheep go to eat in Hell? The Muttony Ring! What do cowboys from the Envy Ring ride? Leviathan sea horses. I heard of an equine who creates universes out of thread: SpindleHorse! Whoâs the main villain in this world? No one Roo need to know about! You could call Adamâs female warriors his Ex-whore-cists! Charlie says her rivalâs real last name is Von Elderbitch. What do assassin imps say when they use the bathroom? I. M. Peeing now!â
âThis is gettinâ old,â Angel Dust sighed as he fired the fatal blow into Gusâ stomach.
âFuckâŚyourselfâŚyouâd enjoy thatâŚâ Gus sputtered, eyes bulging from his face as he wheezed his last pun. He collapsed dead onto the sand in a pool of black blood. Â
Around the same time, Baxter promptly collapsed from dehydration. Charlie rushed over in fear. âBaxter!â
âGet him some water,â said Vaggie.
Before anyone could react, the last two robot minions opened up their center hatches, pouring water onto Baxterâs face. Baxter groaned, eyes fluttering, lips drinking up the water.
Charlie sadly looked at the pufferfish from the robots that soon gasped and died on the hot sand.
âThose minions saved his life,â Charlie breathed.
âAnd we can save his life more if we get outta here, now!â Vaggie called.
âWay ahead of you,â Charlie hollered as she raced over and posed on a skeletal horse. She set the horse free from the rope and steered it toward the group.
âHop on!â
The group got on, and the skeletal stallion reared its hind legs, galloping back toward the city as the sun set. The horseâs mane and tail glowed in orange and yellow flames. Baxter nearly fell off, but Niffty hoisted him back on.
They managed to reach the hotel before one of Sir Pentiousâ cannons accidentally went off, causing the horse to explode in a shower of bones. The crew tumbled down onto the ground in a heap of dust. Charlie helped up Vaggie, Niffty helped carry Baxter, and Angel Dust supported Husk.
âWell, Iâmma need a drink after that,â Husk stated.
âDitto,â agreed Angel Dust.
âSo that fishy geek was looking for cactus juice to use as a weapon?â Angel Dust asked, puzzled. âHe couldâve used any other drug or made his own.â
âAs logical as he says he is, there is no use reasoning with him,â Vaggie responded.
âOh, Iâm just happy to have him back and that we made it in one piece!â Charlie smiled in exhaustion.
âAlways the optimist,â Vaggie said with a small smile.
Charlie led the way and opened the double doors. The group froze as they saw Alastor and Sir Pentious sitting straight up in their chairs, smiling nervously. In the background, the Egg Boiz and Alastorâs shadow minions were sparring, yelling, and fighting, creating a chaotic and fiery mess. Alastor snapped his fingers, and everything was instantly repaired. Several Egg Boiz fell and splattered onto the floor. Baxter headed back to his lab for a much-needed watery rejuvenation.
âSomeone needs to keep an eye on Baxter,â Charlie mentioned.
âAnd those two,â Vaggie glared at Sir Pentious and Alastor.
Niffty raised her hand. âI will! I will! I have an eye!â
âNo funny business,â Charlie added. âWe all need to be wary of his experiments.â
âOh, look! Lopphiiformes has successfully grown!â Baxter called from down in his lab. His door burst open and a large dark blue sea serpent with many cyan eyes along its body roared, tracking water on the carpeted floor. It had legs like a centipede, five cyan eyes on its face and large fins serving as ears.
âWhat the fuck is that thing?!â Husk yelled. Charlie screamed.
âNew pet!â Niffty cheered.
Klein grinned. âI finally found the Speed-Growth formula you were looking for, Master Baxter! It only took most of a day for it to morph to full-size!â
Alastor made an Egg Boi and another shadow minion vanish in front of the group. Vaggie sighed, her hand on her face as she gawked at Sir Pentious and Alastor and a grinning Baxter from what was left of the lab door. âI donât even wanna know.â
Baxter posed, holding a smoking glass beaker of green-teal liquid. His face darkened and he chuckled evilly as his cyan eyes and cyan teeth glowed in the darkness.
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Hazbin Hotel S1 E2: "Radio Killed The Video Star"
Part One: âNew Arrivalâ
The Hazbin Hotel building stood on a black hill, surrounded by a few dead trees and old fences. In the center of a circle of stones was a black pentagram design on the ground. Inside the hotel, everyone was worried about the news of the Extermination being moved up.
Charlie paced back and forth in the parlor, hyperventilating and in disbelief that her meeting with Adam had failed so badly. KeeKee the key cat followed her as she paced.
âOkay. So the Extermination is coming in six months instead of a year. No big deal. Just a little setback. Nothing we canât handle. Just angels cutting our timetable in half. But who needs a whole year to save souls? Am I right? And next time when they cut the time in half again, and again, weâll just handle it, right?!â
Vaggie steadied her panicking girlfriend, grabbing hold of her arms. âYes. We will.â
âOh please,â Angel Dust scoffed from the couch. He scrolled through his cell phone with a spider web cover on it. âYa had less than half a chance when you started this salvation bullshit. And nowâŚâ His phone vibrated. ââŚainât no silver lining this time, toots.â
Angel Dust scrolled down as he read messages from Valentino:
âSO IâM THINKIN. YOU AND THREE HUGE GUYS ARE GETTING IT ON AND ITâS REALLY HOT AND OILY AND THEN ITS REVEALED YOUR ON A BOAT AND ITâS SINKING SO YOU ALL HAVE TO CUM AS FAST AS YOU CAN.â
âHAVE YOU SEEN TEMPERATURE PLAY VIDS? LOL CAUSE THERE IS GONNA BE ICE!!!!â
âSO GET THAT FLAT BONEY ASS TO THE STUDIO BABY â AS YOU CAN SEE, THE IDEAS ARE FLOWING.â
âHAHA SO ITâS BEEN THIRTY SECONDSâŚDONâT BE LIKE THIS BABY.â
âTHIS ISNâT CUTE, ANGEL, LEGIT IâM SO BORED OF THIS LITTLE CAT AND MOUSE CHASE.â
âFR OVER IT!â
âFUKIN BITCH! BABE. ANGEL, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU????â
âSure there is!â Charlie breathed, trying to stay hopeful. âWe justâŚhave to look a little harder for it!â
âWell, while youâre lookinâ,â said Angel Dust. ââŚthe restâa Hellâs goinâ nuts. People are already freakinâ out about the news. Look at whatâs happeninâ in the Doomsday District.â
Angel Dust showed a video of a male demon wearing a hat who was screaming as flames roared in the background. âNew Message From Valentinoâ popped up at the top of his screen in pink.
âErr, what is a Donkey Show?â asked a puzzled Charlie.
âAah, heh, nothinâ,â Angel Dust said, pulling back his cell phone. âMy boss Val is just freaked out about the news, too. Like I said, everyoneâs losinâ their shit.â
âYeah, thatâs true,â Vaggie pondered, putting her fingers to her chin. âSinners are desperate.â She grinned at Charlie. âMaybe desperate enough to try anything to escape the Extermination?â
Charlie gasped as an idea came to her. âThis is the perfect time to recruit more Sinners for the hotel!â
âCute idea and all,â said Angel Dust, waving his phone, âbut you really going to go out in all of this?â On the phone screen, a green-faced aquatic demon wearing a black jacket screamed as his eyes bled and more flames burned.
Charlie began. âWell, itâs not like people are just going to show up on our doorstepâŚâ
Charlie screamed and flinched as a sudden blast shook the hotel and created a large gaping hole in the wooden wall by the bar. Outside the hotel, a steampunk black and gold zeppelin blimp hovered menacingly in the air, looking like a large demonic shark with gold sharp teeth. The small eyes were made of pink glass. There were golden windows with moving gears inside the ship. From the large metallic mouth at the front of the blimp were an array of laser guns and weapons pointed at the hotel.
Inside the ship were the Egg Boiz, two-legged egg minions wearing small black top hats and pinstriped suits of gray and yellow with black neckties. The purple walls were in the design of scales near more gears at the windows. Standing high at the controls was none other than the serpent Sinner Sir Pentious. He wore a pinstriped suit with gray and yellow stripes and had a black bowtie in the center. His top hat was large and gray, with a large pink eye and sharp teeth of its own. Steampunk goggles lay on his head. Sir Pentiousâ eyes were pink, his fangs sharp, his face coal black with a long cobra hood of more pink hypnotic eyes against yellow. The lower half of his body was serpentine with scales of black and gold with more pink eyes.
âShow yourself, Alasssstor!â he demanded, pointing forward. âCome and faceâŚâ
He glanced around and saw Alastor casually sipping black coffee from his red mug that read âOh Deer!â on it. He was relaxing in a chair at a small table on the hotel balcony.
âOh, there you are,â Sir Pentious mentioned. Then he finished in anger, âFace my wrath!â He bared his fangs and hissed. His hood stretched out, revealing his additional pink eyes.
Alastor merely grinned. âWho are you?â
âWho am I? Who am I?! I am the great Ssssir Pentioussss! Inventor, architect of dessstruction! Villain extraordinaire!â
Alastor transformed into shadow and materialized in front of the hotel doors. Charlie, Vaggie, and Angel Dust stood beside him.
âOoh! You tell âem, boss!â cheered one of Sir Pentiousâ egg minions, small fist in the air.
Niffty appeared on Alastorâs shoulder. âOooh, heâs a bad boy,â she said with a sly grin. Alastor picked her up with one hand and gently placed her on the ground. Alastor shrugged and mocked Sir Pentious. âHa. Well, if all thatâs true, youâd think Iâd have heard of you.â
âI attacked you literally last week!â Sir Pentious reminded him.
Alastor cocked his head.
âWeâve done battle like twenty times?!â Sir Pentious added.
âWell, you must have been really bad at this,â Alastor retorted, twirling his microphone cane.
âSilence!â Sir Pentious yelled. âNow cover! For when I have ssslain you, the almighty Vees will finally acknowledge me as their Overlord equal!â
âOoh!â Niffty grinned before pausing. âWait, who are the Vees?â
Alastor waved a hand. âOh, nobody important. Just a gross moth porn owner, a boxy TV arrogant ass, and a cocky fashion gossip witch.â
âCan I meet them?!â
âNo.â
Nifftyâs face fell.
âWhy do you want to attack us again?â Alastor asked.
âTo get revenge on how you defeated me last time! Also to get the Vees approval so I can stay safe from the next Extermination,â Sir Pentious mentioned.
âGood luck with that,â Alastor said with a smug expression. âFeel free to get defeated again.â
âI will not lose again!â Sir Pentious yelled. âMinions, ready the cannons!â
The Egg Boiz aimed the cannons again, but two large black tentacles shot out from the ground in front of Alastor. In a flash they had wrapped around Sir Pentiousâ zeppelinâŚagainâŚa third tentacle breaking a lower window. Niffty clapped and enjoyed the show, while Angel Dust, Vaggie, and Charlie watched in concern.
âArgh! Oh! Please! Stop!â Sir Pentious cried from inside.
Alastor chuckled darkly.
âUmâŚAlastor! I think heâs had enough,â Charlie mentioned.
Alastor laughed evilly, mouth open, red eyes bulging out.
âNah, heâs got a few more hits in him,â Angel Dust countered.
Sir Pentious yelled as he tried to cling onto something on the floor of his ship. The zeppelin tilted downward and with a scream, the snake fell out through a hole in a broken yellow window. He landed with a thud and a faceplant on the ground in front of Alastor, the impact creating cracks in the ground.
Alastor twirled his staff. âThanks for another forgettable experience.â An Egg Boi #23 fell and broke into pieces in front of Charlie.
Sir Pentiousâ hand twitched. âThank youâŚfor letting your guard down!â
With his tail, Sir Pentious ripped off a piece of Alastorâs red suit. He lifted up his head and held the piece of fabric in triumph. âHaha! Yah!â
Alastorâs shadow loomed over him, and Sir Pentiousâ face fell. âOh shitâŚâ
Sir Pentious screamed again as Alastor tossed him high into the air with another tentacle. Sir Pentiousâ zeppelin exploded in green smoke, and he soon vanished into the distance. Alastor grinned as he posed with his cane.
Alastor turned around. âWell, it looks as though I need a visit to the tailor!â He was disgusted at Sir Pentious ruining his fabulous outfit. âBest of luck, chums!â He turned around to leave. Vaggie folded her arms.
âWait, youâre LEAVING?! Alastor! We need your help! We need you to do your job.â
âWe need a wall,â Angel Dust added, mentioning to the hole. Alastor turned around again.
âOf course! Canât let my new project fall into disrepair already. What would the papers say?!â He snapped his fingers and shadow minions materialized before them as he left. A slender horned shadow grinned while holding a saw. A smaller one held a paint brush. One with a white face and black Xs over its eyes flew and carried a bucket. Another one held a hammer, paint roller, and bucket, and wore a hard hat. Another one also wore a hard hat and floated in the air. The largest one posed with his hands on his hips, one X over his right eye with a small black top hat.
Angel Dust shoved Vaggie aside and swayed as he walked over to the largest muscular demon.
âHey, sweet cheeks,â he giggled. âWhatcha doinâ later? I love me a man with a giantâŚtool.âÂ
Vaggie facepalmed before marching over and dragging Angel Dust back inside the hotel.
âHey!â Angel Dust protested. âI was just gettinâ started!â
0 0 0
Before long, the hole in the wall was almost fixed. The shadow demons posed by the wall as Charlie slumped down headfirst onto the couch in exhaustion.
Angel Dust scrolled through his phone. âSooo, howâd it go?â
Vaggie sighed. âNot a single new recruit.â
Angel Dust shrugged. âYeah well, who would wanna use their last days not fucking and fighting?â
Vaggie heard a knock on the front door. âNot Alastor again,â she thought. She grabbed her spear and marched toward the door.
Vaggie opened it.
It was Sir Pentious.
Sir Pentious held his hat and titled his head.
âWhy hellooo, my dearâŚâ
Sir Pentious was cut off by Vaggie punching him in the face. He covered his face with his hands before tumbling to the rocky ground. Sir Pentious cowered as Vaggie aimed her spear at him.
âWait, wait, wait!â cried Sir Pentious. âI come in peace.â He showed two peace signs with his fingers.
âWhat are you doing here?â Vaggie asked, suspicious.
âVaggie, whatâs the problem?â Charlie asked, appearing in the doorway. She gasped when she saw Sir Pentious. âOh! Hello again!â
âI didnât come looking for a fight,â Sir Pentious said as he stood up. âI heard this hotel was a safe place to stay at for the upcoming Extermination.â
âThen why did you attack itâŚtwice?â Vaggie glared.
Sir Pentious folded his arms. âTo get back at Alastor, of course!â
âGreat job with that,â Vaggie replied with sarcasm.
âLook,â said Sir Pentious. âI had to endure a long walk all the way back here. I nearly got trampled with all the panic and chaos going on in the streets. I also heard that youâreâŚuhâŚhelping people, people who want to be better?â
Charlie gasped in excitement. âYou heard right!â She pulled him over toward the doors. âWelcome to our Home of Healing, our Resort of Restoration, our Inn ofâŚInnovation!â
Angel Dust glared and blocked the entrance. âAre you fucking nuts?! This chump was trying to kill us like literally six hours ago! And now you wanna bring him in here to live with us?!â
âAbsolutely!â said Charlie. âThis place is about second chances, and who deserves one more than this slitheryâŚslipperyâŚspecial little man!â She elbowed Sir Pentious and he grinned nervously.
âArenât you supposed to protect this place?â Angel Dust asked Vaggie.
âYes, I am,â said Vaggie. âListen to me, Charlie, how many times will we have to watch your people be killed if we donât make headway, defend ourselves right now, and send shady pricks like him away?â
âPlease, Vaggie. Give him a chance just this once.â Charlie gave Vaggie round puppy-dog eyes, begging her to let Sir Pentious stay. Vaggie sighed and relented.
âI guess heâs not much of a threat without the war machineâŚâ Vaggie relented. Sir Pentious lifted his head up in anticipation.
ââŚor even with the war machine.â
Sir Pentiousâ cobra head flopped down in disappointment.
Charlie hugged Vaggie, lifting her around. âOh! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!â She let go and walked over to Sir Pentious. âSir Pentious! Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!â
âOh no darling! Thank you! You wonât regret this.â
Charlie led Sir Pentious into the hotel as Vaggie reluctantly followed. Angel Dust waved his hands dismissively and followed. âEh, I give you a week, tops.â
Charlie led Sir Pentious through the parlor.
âSo, this is the bar, and the bartenderâŚâ
Charlie did a snapping motion of her fingers toward an unamused Husk holding a bottle.
âThis is the curtainâŚâ Charlie mentioned to a pink-red curtain upstairs. She pointed around.
ââŚand this is the new wall after you broke the last one, heh, and oh! Oh! This is theâŚâ
Vaggie grabbed Charlieâs arm. âBabe, you donât have to show him every detail.â
âSorry, Iâm just so excited to have our first real guest!â
âUh, what the Hell am I then?â Angel Dust snapped, shrugging.
Charlie turned to Angel Dust. âWell, youâre an important part of our family here, Angel, but you, uhm, uhâŚâ
âConstantly make us look bad, sexually harass the staff, and have literally never once tried to improve?â Vaggie asked Angel Dust bluntly.
âWhat she means isâŚâ Charlie cut in, ââŚitsâ just nice to have someone interested for once.â
Angel Dust looked upset after what Vaggie had said.
Niffty played with KeeKee with a string. KeeKee hissed at the sight of Sir Pentious and ran off. Niffty turned around to meet him.
âOver here, we have our maid, Niffty,â Charlie introduced.
Niffty gasped in excitement. âThe bad boy is back!â
Niffty climbed up and held Sir Pentiousâ collar. He flinched back as Niffty stared at him with her giant eye and sharp sadistic smile. âNever leave me again!â
âWeâre 80% sure sheâs harmless,â Charlie mentioned as Niffty got down. âAnd over here we haveâŚoh!â
Charlie nearly bumped into a familiar figure. âUh, Alastor! Our gracious facility manager! Youâve met our newest guest Sir PentiousâŚheheâŚâ Charlie backed away nervously.
âAh yes!â Alastor replied, with narrowed eyes at Sir Pentious. âYouâre the one who ruined my coat!â His face turned shadowy and his eyes glowed red. He spoke in a sinister tone, âI definitely remember you now.â
Sir Pentious gulped in fear.
âWell,â Charlie said to Sir Pentious. âI guess this is a great time for your first lesson!â She cleared her throat. ââHow to apologize!â The first step to becoming a better person is to admit when you are wrong. Why donât you give it a try?â She urged him forward.
âYes, uhmâŚâ Sir Pentious cleared his throat. âMr. uhm, Radio Demon, sir, please forgive me for attacking you and ruining your very lovely coatâŚuhm, here.â
Sir Pentious handed back the small piece of fabric to Alastor. He took it in his hand. âAh-ho! Not many people have been able to take even this much off me, it must have meant quite a lot to you.â
Alastor grinned and burned the piece of fabric in a green flame with his magic. Sir Pentious and Charlie stood stunned. KeeKee watched the commotion, lying on an upstairs gold railing decorated with eye designs.
 The group soon gathered in front of the round fireplace. Charlie stood up, while the others sat down in various spots.
âNow, with a new resident, I think itâs important we all get to know each other! Iâve noticed thereâs been a littleâŚtension in the hotel. So, we are going to play a little game. Everyone, follow me.â
âIs this kindergarten or something?â Angel Dust rolled his eyes. Vaggie shrugged, not impressed with the activity, but deciding to follow Charlie along.
âMy name is Charlie!â Charlie clapped twice. âI like to sing!â She clapped twice, âand when we get to know each other, itâs the greatest thing!â She clapped twice again. âWho wants to go next?â
âMy nameâs Sir Pentious.â He clapped twice. âI like to build,â he clapped twice. ââŚand despite my sssstupid Egg Bois, I think Iâm very skilled!â He clapped twice, proud of himself.
Niffty raised her hand. âMy name is Niffty!â She clapped. âIâm very swifty!â She clapped again. âI love to kill all the bugs in a jiffy!â She giggled and clapped again, holding her sewing needle weapon.
âUhâŚgreat one, Niffty,â Charlie smiled a bit.
âMy name is Vaggie,â she clapped twice. âI speak Spanish and fight.â She clapped twice. âIâll make sure you donât harm anyone here, or you wonât last the night.â She glared at Sir Pentious and clapped twice again. Sir Pentious chuckled nervously.
âThatâs the spirit, Vaggie!â Charlie beamed. âAnyone else?â
Husk groaned in annoyance, after a long silence. âI am Husk.â He clapped twice. âI gamble and drink.â He clapped. âWith the upcoming Extermination, these games are pointless, I think.â He clapped twice.
âHusk does have a good point,â Vaggie mentioned. âWe are going to have to figure out how to defend ourselves when the angels come down here.â
âYes, thatâs true,â Charlie stuttered. âButâŚletâs focus on finishing the exercises first. Whoâs next?â
Alastor talked in his radio voice without moving his mouth. âI am Alastor, I am a great radio host. I canât wait to see which one of you will fail the most.â His eyes briefly turned to red radio dials against black and the background glitched.
âEnough of your creepiness, already!â Vaggie scoffed.
Charlie then mentioned to the last individual, Angel Dust.
âThis is stupid,â he deadpanned.
âThis is not stupid!â Charlie clapped twice, walking over to Angel Dust. âItâs just the game!â She clapped twice. âEveryone did it well, so please try to do the same!â She clapped twice.
âIâm too sober for this,â Angel Dust responded, hand to his face.
âWell, get used to it and learn to play, this is gonna be your whole day!â Vaggie clapped twice and grinned at the annoyed Angel Dust.
He sighed. âIâm Angel Dust.â He clapped twice. âI love killing, sex andâŚangel dust.â He clapped twice. âThere is no one I trust.â
âWell, thatâs something we can work on,â Charlie said.
âForget it. I ainât trustinâ no one.â
âWell, how about we work on it in our next sessionâŚâ
She looked up and grinned. Razzle and Dazzle flew over and hung up a banner that read âTrusting 101â in blue paint near a stage. Charlie winked at Vaggie as they both stood up together in front of the group.
Charlie and Vaggie jumped in the air. âTrust exercises!â Vaggie repeated Charlie a few seconds after her and added, âAh shit!â as they both fell on the floor. Charlie pulled Vaggie up and sighed. âVaggie, we rehearsed this.â She then recovered and repeated, âWe are doing trust exercises!â
Husk began, âSo whatâs with the whole, uhh, this?â He gestured to the Trusting 101 banner and stage behind Charlie and Vaggie. âIâm not about to put on some show for these fucking chumps.â
Angel Dust grinned, putting his feet on Huskâs legs. âOh, I will, but itâs cash up front, and I know that oneâŚâ He pointed at Sir Pentious, âcanât afford me.â
Sir Pentious folded his arms in disgust. âGross! Iâd never think of it, ssspider!â
âRight, well letâs get started. Charlie?â Vaggie began.
Charlie moved to the front, clearing her throat. âWe will start with trust falls! Each of you are going to share something vulnerable about yourself with the group, then fall backwards, while the rest of the group catches you. Got it? Who wants to go first?â
Vaggie raised her hand.
âCome on up!â
Vaggie stood on the stage. âCharlie is my girlfriend andâŚIâd do anything to make her dreams come true.â
âAww,â Charlie smiled as she caught Vaggie in her arms. Charlie then released Vaggie and jumped onto the stage.
âI, I love you guys. Like really, really love you.â Charlie fell backwards and Vaggie caught her.
âGotcha!â Vaggie smiled.
âThat, felt, good! Angel, why donât you go next?â
âFine,â Angel Dust groaned. He walked onto the stage and faced the group. âSomethinâ about myself, huh? How about this? I LOVE to suckâŚâ
Husk threateningly pointed a finger at Angel Dust. âI swear to fuck if you say âdicksââŚ!â
Angel Dust smirked. âPopsicles, ya sicko! Get your mind outta the gutter!â
He fell backward and Husk caught him.
âBut, you know, dicks, too!â Angel Dust added. Husk dropped him abruptly and Angel Dust groaned, âOw!â
âYour turn, Husk!â Charlie called after Angel Dust lifted himself up.
Husk slouched forward onto the stage. âUmâŚback when I was alive, I used to perform magic shows for kids.â
âOh, how wonderful, Husk! Can you demonstrateâŚâ
âNot now,â Husk growled. He fell backward and Angel Dust caught him.
âSweet little Whiskers in my arms,â he giggled. Husk struggled out of Angel Dustâs arms and walked off.
Angel Dust looked over to Sir Pentious. âAlright, new guy, youâre up.â
Sir Pentious did a dramatic pose under the spotlight, tears in his eyes.
âI, I donât want to live without my minions. Nobody catch me!â He fell backwards, landing in Charlie and Vaggieâs arms.
âDamn it,â Sir Pentious glowered.
âThatâs great. Wow you are slimy,â Vaggie dropped Sir Pentious in disgust. âOkay, good job. Uh, Niffty?â
Niffty ran up onto the stage and giggled. âSometimes I kill mother bugs in front of their children as a warning to others!â
Niffty flung herself off the stage and landed with a splat on her face as everyone moved back in horror. She lifted her arms in the air. âYay! Pain!â She raced up and jumped again, but this time, Alastor caught her with one hand.
âSpectacular performance my dear!â He put her down and materialized onto the stage from shadow. He then spoke in his radio voice again, his smile glowing.
âWhen I was alive, I loved cooking jambalaya and venison with my lovely mama! She taught me singing, dancing, huntingâŚbut I taught myself how to kill!â
The group stood in stunned silence. Angel Dust, Charlie, and Vaggie moved closer, but Alastor replied, âTouch me and Iâll rip your limbs off.â
He then fell backward off the stageâŚand into a black portal. He reappeared seconds later from the portal and posed, the background briefly glitching before the radio noises faded back to normal. He hummed and walked off.
Vaggie groaned. âI swearâŚthis guy eludes everyone.â
The last social session was roleplaying. Angel Dust and Sir Pentious were on stage. In the audience, everyone except Charlie and Niffty looked bored and annoyed.
Angel Dust wore a gray trenchcoat and a brown hat with a black middle rim. Sir Pentious was happily licking a round pink lollipop with a yellow bow on the bottom, roleplaying an innocent boy wearing a white sailor suit.
Angel Dust read his lines in a monotone voice, the script in front of him. ââOh, Iâm a bad man on the streets who never got enough hugs, now, whereâs an innocent kid I can sell crack to?â Wow, who wrote this?!â
 Charlie grinned. âItâs great, right? Keep going!â
Angel Dust turned away from Charlie and said the next line. ââHey, you.ââ
Sir Pentious faced Angel Dust. ââWho, me???ââ
Angel Dust deadpanned. ââYeah, you look like a kid who could use someâŚâ he looked at the script drawn in crayon by Charlie: âdevilâs dandruff??â Oh, for fuckâs sake.â
Sir Pentious acted with enthusiasm. ââNot me! I have to go home and ssstudy!ââ
Angel Dust deadpanned. ââCome on, kid, itâll make you cool like meâŚthe crackhead.ââ
âOh, this is shit,â muttered Husk.
Sir Pentious finished with a proud pose. ââThe only cool thing here is to sssay no to drugs! Now if youâll excussse me, Iâm off to not have ssssexual intercourse before marriage!ââ
A victory âda-daâ fanfare tone played from Charlieâs phone. Charlie stood up and clapped. âYes! Oh bravo! Bravo!â She chuckled and walked over to Sir Pentious. âWow, Pentious! At this rate, youâll be redeemed in no time!â Sir Pentious smiled at the positive compliment.
Angel Dust sighed, feeling left out. âIâŚIâm going to bed.â He began to climb up the winding stairs.
Charlie beamed. âI am so proud of you, Sir Pentious! That was amazing!â
Sir Pentious was amazed and did a little bow. âThank you! Thank you! You like me! You really like me!â
Angel Dust went into his room and tossed his trenchcoat onto his pink pet pig Fat Nuggets. Fat Nuggets woke up and peered out from underneath. He had small black horns on his head and little black spikes along his back. He also had small eyes, a curly pointed tail, and a small red heart on his body and behind. Angel Dust took off his hat and sadly lay on his side on his bed, pink neon spider webs decorating the walls. He scrolled through the voicemails left by Valentino. The nice-sounding ones showed pink hearts, while the threatening ones had red spikes.
âAngel baby, come home! Itâs not the same without you here, I miss you! Come backâŚâ
âANGEL, YOU BITCH! IF YOU DONâT COME HOME, YOUâLL BE FUCKING GREASY TRUCKERS FOR THE NEXT YEARâŚâ
âHey, amorcito, I didnât mean to yell, but you know how crazy you make meâŚâ
âYOU FUCKING SLUT!â
âHey, Angie, about earlierâŚâ
âKILL YOUR WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY!â
âWorkâs really stressful!â
âLITTLE COCKSUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!â
Valentino then spoke into his head, his hypnotic pink smoke spiraling around him.
âYou actually think you can change? Addict trash like you doesnât change. Iâll see you soon, baby.â The red smoke curled around his chin and disappeared.
Angel Dust sighed and stood up. âSorry, not now, Fat Nuggets. Fat Nuggets oinked in concern as he watched Angel Dust leave. Angel Dust grabbed a bottle of alcohol from the bar and gulped it down as he walked. It was one of the few ways to numb all the pain.
0 0 0
The next morning, KeeKee the cat purred and slept peacefully on the red sofa. The cat woke up and jumped off. Charlie stood on a ladder as Razzle and Dazzle helped her hang up a banner. The banner read in dark teal: âHAPPY FIRST WEEK, SIR PENTIOUS!â with a drawing of a yellow snake off to the side.
âThat looks perfect! Aah!â Charlie gasped in excitement. âI am so excited that Sir Pentious is staying at the hotel!â
âUm, Pentious was just trying to take over the city with his weird steampunk bullshit a few days ago,â Vaggie reminded her from below.
âWell, I havenât seen him try to pull any of that here,â Charlie responded as she climbed down.
Meanwhile, five Egg Boiz were riding on a giant steampunk cannon in purple and gold that had gears inside of it. The weapon was being wheeled inside the room by Sir Pentious.
Vaggie had her hands on her hips. âWhat the hell is that?â
âOh hello, gray moth female,â Sir Pentious smiled, lowering his top hat and taking a small bow. The Egg Boiz jumped off. âItâs my new invention, the Skin Flayer 11,000! Iâm really looking forward to shooting the other residents!â He bore a mischievous sharp grin, leaning against his machine and posing with his arms folded.
âWhat? Why?â Charlie asked, surprised, and concerned.
Sir Pentious narrowed his eyes. âEveryone is being too nice. Obviously, it must be a lie. I can sense that they are planning to kill me, but when? How? I must be prepared!â Then he brightened. âOoh, the new parts of my machine are here.â
Two demons came in. Clara had dark skin, red eyes, thick white curly hair, and black curved horns. She wore a dark skirt and skirt and wheeled in weapons in crates labeled âCarmine.â Odette strolled in wearing red round glasses, and a white lab coat with a high collar with black trim and black gloves. Her skin was white, as was her hair, which was in a ponytail. She also had black horns. Odette and Clara were the daughters of Carmilla Carmine, the leading weapons dealer in Hell, including angelic ones.
âSign, please,â Odette told Sir Pentious, holding out a clipboard. He happily took the pen and signed the form.
âThank you for your business. Enjoy your Carmine purchase,â Odette told Sir Pentious. The two daughters left the lobby, while Sir Pentious happily wheeled in the crates.
Vaggie seethed. âCarmine? As in Carmilla Carmine? Youâre buying parts from an Overlord?!â
âUh, of course,â said Sir Pentious. âSheâs the top weapons dealer in Hell.â
âOkay, well that stops right now.â
Vaggie rushed over and wheeled the boxes away.
âHey!â Sir Pentious protested.
âYou absolutely cannot build weapons in this hotel,â Vaggie chided. âNo one is trying to kill you. People are being nice because they want you to feel welcome.â
Sir Pentious scoffed. âOh, really?â He glanced over at Vaggieâs death glare, at Husk flipping him the bird, at Angel Dust flipping him the bird, at Alastorâs red eyes plotting a way to brutally hurt him and Niffty eyeing him with a sinister giggle while dusting a corner of a wall.
âHmm. I have my doubts.â
âWell, itâs true. You have to trust us,â said Vaggie.
âWell, I donât. Especially coming from the one who has a spear aimed at me.â
Vaggie sighed at the spear in her hands and muttered. âWellâŚit sounded more convincing when Charlie told me to say all this to you.â
Sir Pentious hmphed. âI know you donât believe Iâm trustworthy either. Leave it to your girlfriend to do all your things for you.â
Vaggie fumed. âSays the idiot who has eggs as minions and canât even act cool for your Overlord idols.â
Sir Pentious hissed in anger until Charlie broke up the fight.
âWell then, why donât we focus on trust for todayâs activities?â Charlie asked.
âWe already did the trust falls yesterday,â Angel Dust groaned. âI canât take any more of that.â
âIâm with you on that,â Husk muttered from the bar.
âDo you always stay at that bar 24/7?â Angel Dust asked. âLike, I havenât seen you leave that spot for much ofâŚâ
Husk gave him a glareâŚAngel Dust shrugged and went back to his cell phone scrolling.
âBefore we do anything else, we lay some ground rules,â said Vaggie. âNo more building weapons, no more plotting against other guestsâŚâ
Vaggie glared as Sir Pentious was about to fire a small ray gun at Niffty, who he had wrapped with his tail. He smiled apologetically and let Niffty go.
ââŚand you need to get rid of these things,â said Vaggie mentioning to the Egg Boiz. Two of the eggs had a tug of war over one of the lasers. They accidentally fired it, and the blast created a hole in the ceiling. âUh-oh,â mouthed one of the eggs.
âOh!â Vaggie snapped, pointing up in anger. âWhat did I just say? What did I just say?!â
âWhat? Not my little Egg Boiz!â Sir Pentious cried, pulling them close in a hug. âThey do my evil bidding for me!â
âDo you want to stay here and redeem yourself?â
Sir Pentious narrowed his eyes at Vaggie. âYes.â
âThen no more eggs. And no more weapons.â
âWait! Can I perhapsâŚkeep my Egg Boiz and weapons safe in my room the whole time?â
Vaggie glanced at Charlie who gave her wide puppy dog eyes again. Vaggie rolled her eyes and waved a threatening finger at Sir Pentious.
âOne sound from you and all your things go.â
Sir Pentious smiled at Charlie and looked down at his minions. âAll right, eggies. Youâve got to stay in my room or elseâŚI canât keep you anymore!â
âOkay, boss,â said one of the eggs.
âAnd clean my quarters this instant!â Sir Pentious demanded as the eggs headed upstairs. Vaggie wheeled the boxes away and Charlie awkwardly pat his shoulder.
 Charlie soon felt exhausted as she once again tried to recruit more Sinners from outside. But many of them mocked her, saying things like, âAlastor showed that place as a dump on his commercials!â Or âThe king of Hell is a depressed loser. Why should we waste our time with his daughter who dreams up fantasies for attention?â Vaggie managed to pull Charlie back inside before things got too heated.
0 0 0
In Charlieâs small office, Charlie and Vaggie talked quietly. Angel Dust was in his room on his phone with Fat Nuggets, Husk was at the bar, Niffty was hunting for bugs and Alastor was eating his venison dinner in his room, listening to jazz on his radio.
âThis is hopeless,â Charlie sighed. âI thought that after Sir Pentious arrived, more Sinners would want to come in. Surely, they must be desperate.â
âWell to be fair, this place still looks pretty dilapidated,â Vaggie mentioned. âAnd maybe lots of Sinners feel saferâŚin their own homes?â
Charlie lowered her head. âWhat if Angel Dust and Alastor are right? What if no one wants to redeem themselves?â She panicked, tears in her eyes. âIâll never be able to run this hotel in time for the Extermination! Everyone thinks Iâm a fool! And my dad and mom arenât even here to support me!â
Vaggie put a hand on her girlfriendâs shoulder. âYouâll do fine. You still believe Sir Pentious can do it, right?â
âYesâŚI guess.â
âYou guess?â
âVaggie, how will he fix his mistakes if heâs stuck up in his room all the time? He has to come down and eventually talk about his problems.â
âYou canât force people to admit their mistakes,â Vaggie told her. âMuch of the time, they arenât even aware of their actions. Take Angel for example. He numbs his daily pain through drugs and alcohol. It has become such a habit for him that he doesnât even think about it. With Sir PentiousâŚâ She sighed. ââŚitâs the killing. Thatâs one reason why sending him upstairs was perhaps the next best thing for nowâŚâ
âWhile Iâll admit the killing partâs not good, he could perhaps learn to use his weapons for something moreâŚproductive?â
Vaggie folded her arms, coming up with an idea, her eyes then brightening a bit. âIf perhaps I could train him to build weapons to defend the hotel against the upcoming ExterminationâŚâ
âI keep forgetting about that,â Charlie groaned.
Vaggie put her hand to her face. âI just donât want him to hurt anyone else at the hotel. Especially you.â She looked into Charlieâs eyes, hands on her shoulders. âBe careful around him, Charlie. I know you like seeing the good in people, butâŚâ she glanced off. âWe may have to send him away if he decides to betray us. It takes years to unlearn toxic habits and beliefs.â
âHe wonât do that!â Charlie assured her. âI think he just needs some praise and appreciationâŚfrom the right people!â
âAn alcoholic spider, a psychotic radio showman, a gambler cat, and a shady maidâŚI donât know if your people qualify as the right kindâŚâ
âDonât forget another Sinner like you,â Charlie said. âNo offence.â
Vaggie briefly touched her back, glancing at her Exorcist spear. âYeah, sureâŚâ
âLetâs give him a chance,â Charlie said. âIâm sure heâll stay in his room and not cause any trouble.â
âOkay, then,â Vaggie said. âBut I still have a bad feelingâŚâ
Neither woman noticed a hidden blue square camera from within the nearby bookshelf, recording the whole thing.
0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Part Two: âRadio Killed The Video Starâ
A panicking Charlie showed up on screen, the video soon going viral. âWhat if Angel Dust and Alastor are right? What if no one wants to redeem themselves? Iâll never be able to run this hotel in time for the Extermination! Everyone thinks Iâm a fool! And my dad and mom arenât even here to support me!â
A sinister chuckle echoed from the darkness. A pair of red eyes appeared against the black.
âWell, well, wellâŚlooks like the little princess brat is not so high and mighty now. All those rumors about her so called âHazbin Hotel,â and this view from the inside only proves her incompetence! My ratings will skyrocket after broadcasting this.â
A row of glowing white shark teeth appeared. âI can see the headline, âPrincessâ Passion Project Plumets.â Perfect! My little spy is doing better than I expected. Once her hotel is disbanded, I shall be praised for preventing the loss of Sinner souls from Hell for the OverlordsâŚnot that she ever had a chance to begin with!â
Electricity sparked as demonic laughter erupted. âOh, how fun itâll be to manipulate the masses further from the fresh fear of the Extermination! So many Sinners desperate to buy my products! So many delicious souls to collect! Only one thing shall vibrate in their ears⌠âTrust the Vees with your safety and money!ââ
The lights blinked on, showing the Overlord Vox, the TV headed demon sitting in his throne-like chair, surrounded by glowing monitors and screens all around him. He tapped the arm of his chair with his fingers. Wires were attached to the back of his flat screen head, giving him more power, and allowing him to broadcast many shows at once. He wore a black suit with teal stripes and a large red bowtie. He had a black top hat with red tipped antennae at the top and teal lines at the bottom that looked like electricity. A black dot and two curves were under his bowtie, looking like TV waves. His shirt collar was teal with red trim. His gloves were dark with teal tips.
Vox was showing the videos from the Hazbin Hotel and advertising a drone at the same time. Vox posed at his desk on a separate screen with an image of the Hazbin Hotel, with âWow, this is shit!â underneath it in red.
âBreaking news! Charlieâs so-called Hazbin Hotel project is going just as we expectedâŚan utter failure. Here is a live look at what really goes on in that tacky dump. Here you see a princess whoâŚâ He chuckled as Charlieâs face appeared on screen, ââŚhas no clue what sheâs doing. We have some porn star spider of Valentinoâs there, probably looking for crack. We have a drunken cat with wings, some moth chick, a steampunk snake, and a crazed maid. Howâs that for redemption! Looks like Charlie needs to see her dear old depressed dad more oftenâŚthey could cry together as more Sinners fall in the Extermination.â Katie Killjoy and Tom Trench laughed on a separate screen. âWhat say you, Katie?â
âI mean come on,â Katie Killjoy added. âIâd expect the princess of Hell to not be such a childish wimp! And whatâs with the clown makeup on her face and all that red clothing? She looks like a pin-up doll from the circus! Oh look, sheâs watching this now and sheâs crying!â
Vox laughed as the camera panned to reveal Angel Dust showing Charlie Voxâs video from his cell phone.
âWell, if the doll has a hot spot somewhere, then perhaps I couldâŚâ Tom Trench began.
Katie Killjoy poured hot coffee on Tom Trenchâs crotch and then shoved him aside. âNo one fucking cares about you, Tom!â She smiled back at the camera. âBack to you, Mr. Vox!â
âWeâll be right back to discuss Charlieâs utter delusions after these messages.â
The screen shifted to show a gray drone with the V logo on it, a teal-white V shaped like electricity against red TV waves. âThe Vees and VoxTek Enterprises are proud to present our latest product! New VoxTek designer voyeur scopes, peeping on the neighbors has never been more stylish. VoxTek, trust us with your money!â
A crowd of hypnotized demons barged into the store to buy the gadgets.
Another commercial flashed.
âCalling all Sinners! Are you scared for your afterlives about the upcoming Extermination in six months?! Fear no more, friends and fiends, for your safety may just be a click away. Introducing the new VoxTek Angelic Security System coming soon!â The Vox logo appeared now golden with angel wings. âThis handy VDX (Vox Directional Xtreme) system will alert you to any Exorcist angel in the area, pointing you to the safest places to hide. Handy for Sinners and Hellborn alike, and only 66 souls a month. Upload the app to your phone and start your premium free trial today!â
And many moreâŚ
âThis weekâs episode of âYeah, I Fucked Your Sister, So What?â is brought to you by VoxTek, trust us with your entertainment!â
âTrust usâŚtrust usâŚtrust usâŚ..â
Vox laughed evilly as more electricity sparked around him and the mechanical âtrust us,â chant grew. âMuhahahaha! Now thatâs good television!â The teal line in his larger left eye moved like a wire and the black lines moved like hypnotic circles as more consumers got hypnotized, their eyes turning red and black with hypnotic circles as they watched Voxâs programs. More screens spied on everyday demons on their cell phones and laptops, allowing Vox an advantageous view of Pentagram City. He relaxed in his chair as he drank his morning coffee. Swimming around him in water from the outside were neon demon sharks of various kinds.
Vox was just about to launch another commercial when he spotted something odd. It was coming from a screen that showed the exterior of the Hazbin Hotel. Vox hit replay and it showed a glitching figure walking away after Sir Pentiousâ zeppelin got destroyed. Vox had also noticed this glitching figure appear a few times in the shadows in several of the recorded videos from the camera. He paused it and it showed the figure tall with red hair and a red suit.
âWaitâŚâ Vox breathed. âClearly that canât beâŚâ
He peered closer. The figure was holding a microphone cane. No other individual could glitch themselves in his videosâŚ
No one, but one.
Voxâs head fizzled in electricity, and he gripped the surface in front of him so hard that his nails made scratch marks.
âThat FUCKER is back!â Vox cried in realization. âHe was at that hotel with Luciferâs daughterâŚand itâs been seven years!â
The Radio Demon was back all right. Vox and Alastor had been rivals for years. Many years ago, Vox heard of Alastorâs unique power and thought he would make a good addition to the Vees. After all, an Overlord able to easily take down so many othersâŚon the Vees team! They wouldâve been unstoppable.
But alas, stubborn in his ways, Alastor stuck to the old technology and pursued his enigmatic goals while Vox and his gang endlessly chased trends and updated their powers as society changed.
âThe nerve of him to just show up so randomly!â Vox thought. âI thought he was gone for good! He almost beat me, thinking heâs so smug.â
Then Vox grinned at the excitement of a fresh challenge. âItâs been a while since I had some competition. YesâŚthings have changed a lot since he left town! I gotta send a message of whoâs REALLY in charge of things now!â
Vox chuckled and sang.
âWelcome home!
Iâm gonna make you wish that you stayed gone!
Say hello to a new status quo
Everyone knows that thereâs a brand new dawn,
Turn the TV OOOONNN!â
Vox surged with power as more wires connected to the back of his head after he pressed a button. He spread out his arms as the screens in front of him blinked to life and flickered under his command. The floor below him lit up with white neon wires and electronic designs.
A demon director announced, âCamera, speeds, rolling in three, twoâŚâ
Several demons held hanging microphones as square light cameras blinked on next to them. A grinning gray demon wearing a blue jacket with a white collar was operating a film camera with two pink eyes at the top of it.
âWelcome to the show!â chanted a choir.
âBREAKING NEWSâ appeared on TV screens against a glowing orange pentagram on a red moon. Vox turned around at his desk, the 666News logo in the teal background. The subtitles read at the bottom: âBREAKING: UNREMARKABLE LOSER BACK FROM FUCKING OFF.â An artist rendering showed a crude stick figure of Alastor with bloodstains on it. The labels pointing to various parts of the drawing read, âgross hoof foot,â âlame stick,â âdildo?â âSmelly probably,â âfurry,â âdumb hair,â and âtriangle ass.â
More captions moved at the bottom: âSO THE RADIO GUYâS BACK. I DONâT THINK YOU NOTICED. I DIDNâT AT FIRST. I WAS TOO BUSY BEING A MUCH MORE INTERESTING AND IMPORTANT PERSON. BUT FUCK IT. NEWS TODAY IS SLOW I GUESS. IâM TOTALLY NOT WORRIED ABOUT THIS GUY AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU BE. I TOTALLY WRECKED HIS SHIT LAST TIME HE TRIED ME.â
 Vox happily announced. âTop of the hour and weâre discussing a certain has-been who has been spotted cavorting around town after a seven-year absence. Did anybody miss him? Did anybody notice?â Vox shoved the drawing away. âMore on tonightâs program!â
On another screen, Vox appeared and spun around on a tall chair at a desk. The desk had a âVOX-NITEâ logo on the front of it. The wall had the Vox wire logo and an array of round stage lights around it. Lounging on a white sofa was another Vox wearing neon yellow shutter sunglasses. He held a dark gray mug with a teal V line and âFUCK ALASTORâ was in red on it.
âSo, the Radio Demon is back in town!â announced the first Vox.
âWhy is he hanging around?â asked the second Vox.
âWhat does that mean for your family?â asked the first Vox to the audience. âWell, handily, Iâve got good news!â
Vox appeared on another screen in front of red curtains, beginning his rap.
âHeâs a loser, a fossil, and I donât mean to sound hostileâŚ
But the demon is a coward!â
Vox appeared on many TV screens, with âOBEY-N-PAYâ in bold gold letters on the screen. Vox was cosplaying as a priest wearing red robes with teal trim. The stained-glass windows behind him were red with purple Vox Vs, and his pope hat was red with an upside-down white cross on it. He stood at a podium with his logo on it.
âYou can take that as gospel!â
Vox then posed with 3D glasses on and a bag of popcorn in his hand and a remote in his other hand.
âPulling my viewers? Impossible!â
A hanging microphone was next to him.
���Iâm visual, heâs barely audible!
Stop giving him the time of day!â
Vox then grinned on another screen with a tropical background. There was a palm tree with coconuts, an ocean, an orange sky, and an erupting volcano. Vox wore a white suit with a white sailor hat and a pink lei with yellow hearts on it. He held an iced martini glass with a purple umbrella in it, a lemon slice, and a purple straw in the shape of a V.
âDonât listen to a word heâd say!
I hope he had a nice vacay!â
The volcano exploded and the screen turned white. He ripped off his sailor costume, revealing his usual outfit. His face appeared on more screens as he loomed over the audience of demon watchers.
âBut he shouldâve stayed away!â
âWhile he hid in radio,
We pivoted to video!
And now his medium is getting bloody rare!â
Vox appeared in a chefâs costume and pulled out a severed bloody black and red deerâs head from an oven. Red blood stained the white tile walls, oven, and counter. Vox held the head on a plate as âVENISON WITH VOX!â appeared to the side, a red arrow pointing to âVOX.â
Vox then posed in the hallway.
âHellâs been better since he split.
Whereâs he been?â
Vox chuckled. âWho gives a shit?!â
Alastor had just stepped out of the tailor shop, pleased with his repaired coat. He glanced over and saw Vox mocking him on all the TVs. He sneered and walked with a newfound purpose back to the hotel. He wasnât going to let that arrogant ass get in the way of the hotelâŚor his plans. He was soon back up in his radio tower, holding his magic microphone cane near his mouth. He sat on a flat couch with a pillow of eyes behind him. His coat rack was made of deer antlers and a microphone was in the shape of a red pentagram. In front of him were papers, knobs, and a red cup of coffee. A lamp with eyes on the stand was lit on a side table and a few bayou cattail plants were spaced out through the studio. A few rugs covered the wood floor.
Even after many years, his power still worked! âON AIRâ blinked to life in neon red letters over the tower.
âSalutations!â came Alastorâs smoother cadence singing. His voice was heard on all the radios and speakers in the city. âGood to be back on the air!â
More demons leaned to the left toward the red shop section labeled âOld Crapâ with a radio on a table. The bottom of the radio was decorated with sharp white teeth, making a monstrous face. Vox glared from his TV screens. Shadowy arms appeared in the small room and operated the old-fashioned radio on a purple cushion. Several demons watched: a blue demon wearing Egyptian garb, a pink demon with a white tank top, a demon with one eye and a clock head, a teal-gray cat with bat wings, a green female mummy, a purple and white fox, a reptile demon, among others.
âYes, I know itâs been a while since someone with style treated Hell to a broadcast.â
Vox and Alastor then engaged in a heated rap.
 âSinners rejoice!â
âWhat a dated voice!â Vox snapped.
Alastor continued. âInstead of a clout chasing mediocre video podcast.â
âCOME ON!â Vox yelled.
Alastor grinned. âIs Vox insecure? Pursuing allure?
Flitting between this fad and that?
Is nothing working?â
Vox fumed. âIGNORE HIS CHIRPING!â
 Alastor smirked, âEveryday heâs got a new format!â
 Vox fired back, the screen showing five various Vox faces (including priest Vox and sailor Vox) glaring at Alastor in the center. âYOUâRE LOOKING AT THE FUTURE!
Heâs the shit that comes before that!â
Alastor sang, smoother and slower than Vox, his voice coming from more circles of speakers on high poles near the Vee tower. Several demons looked at each other, questioning Voxâs motives.
âIs Vox as strong as he purports?
Or is it based on his support?
Heâd be powerless without the other Vees!â
In the Vee tower, Valentino and Velvette smiled evilly at each other as they imagined themselves overthrowing Vox and ruling their own territories. Their cell phones were in their hands, Valentinoâs had a moth on it and Velvetteâs had a < 3 on it, a large sideways V making a heart icon.
âOH PLEASE!â Vox argued.
Alastor grinned wider. âAnd hereâs the sugar on the creamâŚ
He asked ME to join his team!â
âHold on!â Vox protested.
âI said no, and now heâs pissy! Thatâs the tea!â
A furious Vox teleported himself as electricity to the radio in the shop. Vox teleported to Alastor who was lounging on his couch. A blue screen appeared on Voxâs face, flashing white error messages as he glitched and fizzed.
(âA problem has been detected and Vox has been shut down to prevent damage to his systems. The problem seems to be caused by the following file: Alastor.EXE. Vox EXE. Crash â error- eat shit Alastor. Check to make sure all software and hardware is up to date and properly installed. Ask Vox for any VoxTek updates you might need. If problems continue (fuck you, Alastor) please disable or remove any Alastor from the general vicinity. If you need to use âunsafe mode,â reset your VoxTek device or press F6 and select âadvanced startup options,â then select âunsafe mode.â Technical information: Stop: AlastorEXE. Old timey prick radio.â)
Vox raged; his fangs bared. âYou old-timey PRICK! Iâll show you suffering!â
Vox teleported back to his TV room in the Vee Tower. His screen flashed in rainbow bands and he glitched some more.
Alastor chuckled. âUh oh, the TV is buffering!â
Voxâs circuits overloaded with electricity as his anger rose.
âIâLL DESTORY YOOOOU YOU LITTLEâŚâ
His signal briefly broke up. He let out an outburst that briefly overloaded and shut down everything in Pentagram City. Velvetteâs hair and Valentinoâs outfit got sizzled as they sat together in the dark in stunned silence.
âIâm afraid youâve lost your signal!â Alastor finished in triumph as the pentagram-shaped city blinked into blackness.
No light was visible, save for the eerie red light coming from Alastorâs radio tower.
âLetâs begin.â
âIâm gonna make you wish that I stayed gone!â
His red eyes turned black, save for small red circles. Thick black antlers branched from his head.
âTune on in.â
He placed his microphone to the side.
He morphed further into his demonic form as he stood up. His long neck extended outward, his yellow fangs growing longer and sharper.
âWhen Iâm doneâŚ
 Your status quo will know its race is run!â
With a sinister close-up grin, his eyes turned into hypnotic red radio dials. A red x was in the center of his forehead, the fatal gunshot spot where a hunter had killed him on Earth. He sang in a low sinister tone.
âOh, this will be fun!â
He finished with a chilling evil laugh. âMuhahahahahaha!â
After Alastorâs shadowy figure appeared on the screen, Voxâs signal was cut off and âno signalâ appeared on the screens in front of him.
 âFUUUCK!â a dismayed Vox cried in the darkness. It took half an hour to restore the power.
0 0 0
After Vox recovered and the power was restored, his screen head vibrated. âVelvette is callingâ with her icon on top appeared, a clown horn ringtone. Vox tapped his screen and his face reappeared. He snapped his fingers and electricity zoomed into the screen across from him.
Velvette appeared on the screen; her eyes narrowed. Her face was dark gray, and she wore skull earrings. She wore a pink frilly dress, striped fingerless gloves, and a short black sleeveless jacket with three pink hearts on it. Her hair was pink, with a streak of swirly white and gray in a thick ponytail.
âHello there, Velvette!â said Vox. âHow are you this hellish morning?â
âOh, cut the shit, Vox. I need you up here now!â
Vox drank from another cup of coffee. âWhatever could be the problem, my dear?â
âYour little boy toy is wrecking my apartment, while Iâm trying to pull together a show andâŚâ
Velvette looked panicked as Valentino was heard cussing in the background and throwing items. Several demon workers ran in the background in chaos.
âFUCKING BITCH!â Valentino yelled.
Velvette yelled at Vox. âJust get your ass here! NOW!â She glared off to the side. âDamn it, Valentino!â The screen buzzed off.
Vox sighed, stood up and fixed his bowtie, an annoyed expression on his face. âOh god, here I go, Valentino. Just another day fucking day with ValâŚand now Al. Hey, hey, hey. Fuck my life.â
He stood on a round platform with the V logo on it and it rose. An elevator with a smiling Vox with âtrust usâ opened to reveal a frowning Vox. Several posters advertised a Vox television device costing $9,000 and a âVelvette Love Potion.â Vox put on a smile for a crowd of reporters in the next room. They rushed at him with microphones out.
A demon woman reporter called, âMr. Vox! What are your thoughts about the new Extermination deadline?â
âMy dear people! We at VoxTek Enterprises have always been at the forefront of innovation. And now, with this new oncoming threat, we are shifting focus to your protection. We are pleased to announceâŚVoxTek Angelic Security is coming soon! Trust us, with Your safety!â The gold V logo with wings appeared on a screen.
Vox hypnotized the reporters with his eyes.
âUh sir,â said Voxâs manager. His face was light gray, his short hair was teal and black, and he wore red glasses. A clipboard was in his hands, and he wore a red suit. âWhen did we begin working on Angelic Security?â
âSince I already aired the commercial about it earlier.â He walked off. âTry to get that bitch Carmilla on the books and cancel all my appointments today. I have a fire to put out upstairs and an emergency meeting about a certain radio demon.â Vox materialized into electricity and traveled up through a security camera.
Meanwhile, Velvetteâs studio was in disarray. More demons were running around screaming. Several outfits were scattered on the floor and bloodstains were present on the floor and windows. Velvette stood her composure, strolling over to four demon female designers who stood by three tall mirrors, standing on violet rugs with Velvetteâs logo on them.
âUgh,â Velvette mentioned in disgust to a female demon with purple hair, showing her a red dress.
âNo,â Velvette commented to a pink serpent showing her red overalls against a purple sweater.
âUnacceptable,â Velvette added to a blonde demon showing her a gray dress.
âYouâre fired!â Velvette remarked to a pink demon with thick curly red hair and two front braids. Velvette held the outfit which had purple and white stripes on it. âWhat is this? WRIST RUFFLES?! Is this 1750? Burn it like the witches who wore it!â
Velvette sent the designers away as Vox materialized behind her from electricity. Vox waved a hand, and flames from various plugged devices went out.
âVelvette! I can see youâre busy. Tell me, whereâs our hot-headed friend now?â
âUp in his room, waiting for a flat-faced prince to calm him down!â Velvette barked, hand to her face.
Vox sighed. âAnd uh, whatâs got him so out of sorts today?â
âWho knows?!â Velvette said. âBut he tore up my best model! And you know the show canât wait for that unlucky bitch to pull herself back together!â A cyclops carried the remains of a demon.
Velvette tossed the remains of a pink gloved hand in the air. âMelissa! Get over here!â
A slender female demon stood nervous, wearing long maroon pants and a red shirt. Velvette snapped her fingers and various dresses magically appeared on her.
âNoâŚâ The woman wore torn dark jeans and a purple shirt with white hearts on it.
âNoâŚâ She wore black leggings and a short magenta dress with purple frills over her shoulders.
âHideousâŚâ She had on a short gray skirt with a red bowtie on it, a cream-colored shirt, and a long red coat.
âI want to dieâŚEwâŚâ Now she wore a short red dress and black collar.
Velvette gasped. âYes! Thatâs the one!â She smiled at a poofy red-pink dress with white hearts on it and a black trim on the bottom.
âWell since it looks like youâve got everything under control here, you need to come to an urgent Radio Demon meeting once youâreâŚâ
Velvette seethed at Vox. âOf course, I do! I donât have time for any meetings right now. Fuck you! Now shoo!â She flipped him the bird. âTake care of the piss, baby!â She turned to her cell phone.
Vox groaned and headed upstairs. Two pink servant demons with long lavender and white hair and feathers on their heads held open the double doors for Vox. They wore black leggings and red shirts with white hearts on them, their hair looking like moth wings.
Vox was inside and the doors closed behind him. The room was filled with pink smoke. There was a couch, a table with a Venus Fly Trap plant, and a large flat screen TV.
Valentino sat up with fury in his eyes, âFucking FINALLY!â He smashed a drink and turned to the side. âKitty! Another drink!â The Robo-Fizz zoomed off and reappeared with another drink. Valentino stood up, wearing his robe of red-pink, the white fluffy collar decorated with red hearts. The pimp lord had hidden moth wings, pink sunglasses with yellow trim shaped like hearts and a tall red top hat with a black and white striped middle. One of his antennae on his head was smaller, lacking the white feathery part.
âUgh!â yelled Valentino. âCan you believe what that piece of shit did? THE UNGRATEFUL WHORE!â
He tossed the drink at Vox. He moved out of the way as the drink smashed against the doors. A nearby poster showed an erotic picture of Valentino posing shirtless.
âVal,â Vox said. âYou need to come with me to my meeting about AlastorâŚâ
Valentino, in his anger, wasnât paying attention. âSTUPID WHORE!â
âUh, which whore are we talking about this time?â Vox asked, clearly bored.
âFucking Angel Dust! Who the hell else would I be talking about?! That fucking SLUT walked out on me! ME! I fucking made him!â He walked toward the window. âWithout me, heâs just a little bag of meat with some mildly entertaining holes.â
âOh. Angel quit?â
âNO! He didnât fucking quit! Itâs worse! He MOVED!â
He tossed Voxâs phone to the wall, making it shatter in half. Vox waved a hand and the phone repaired itself.
âHe thinks he can just walk in here, work, and then go home somewhere else. Can you FUCKING believe that?!â He walked to the closet. âHe thinks he can run off and shack up with Luciferâs BIMBO daughter!â
Vox sighed. âI already know heâs living with Luciferâs daughter. I saw the people at the hotel on video.â
âYEAH! That princesa bitch Chuckie or Chandler, or I dunno. Something mannish like that. Sheâs got this hotel andâŚâ
Valentino turned around, holding up two revolvers. âWhich of these makes me look sexier?â
Vox glared at him. âWhat are you doing, Val? Youâre not going over there.â
Valentino loaded his guns. âThat slippery twink is gonna remember who owns him. Iâm gonna FUCK everyone in that rancid shithole I swear to Satan!â
âVAL!â Voxâs distorted voice boomed in his face as Voxâs eye did the hypnotizing motions. He grabbed his collar. âHehe. Think about it.â He led Valentino toward the windows. âOur brand is perfection. And what do you think chasing whores around town will do for our image?â
âUhâŚfuck it up?â
âRight! Do you want people thinking you canât control your employees?â
âNo!â
âExactly! And hey, you still have him under contract. He isnât going anywhere! SoâŚyou shouldâŚâ
âDo nothing?â
âNo. You should come with me to an urgent meeting. Following my leadâŚâ he pinched Valentinoâs cheeks. âNow thatâs why they pay you big bucks.â
âUgh. But I really wanted to shoot someone.â
Vox lit up Valentinoâs cigarette holder with his electricity powers.
âWell, lemme call up the lowest earners this month for you to kill.â
Valentino smirked, blowing pink-red hearts from his long cigarette. âOh, you know me too well.â
Vox sighed. âNow if weâre finally done here, the three of us need to talk about Alastor.â
âOh, he really is back, huh?â
âYes! I was going to tell you, but you were yapping on and on. I swear once I get my hands on that radio bitchâŚâ
âHey,â Valentino shrugged. âKilling Alastor is your kink, not mine.â
âCome on, Val!â Vox snapped, dragging him along. âWeâre all meeting up right now!â
In the meeting room, a pink and white jester Robo-Fizz named Kitty placed a glass of wine onto the table. In a large tank around them swam several sharks with neon colors and code numbers on them. They served as Voxâs pets of sorts (He loved feeding disobedient demons to them). The three villainous Vees sat at a round table.
âWe have a problem,â Vox began. âAlastor has returned after a seven-year absence, putting my entertainment brand in a conflict. He is also getting close to little princess Morningstar, so our main concern now is ensuring that no deal is ever struck between Luciferâs BRATâŚâ He slammed the table with a fist⌠âand that smiling freak. If it does, they could team up against us. Sinners leaving Hell means less souls and power for us. We need to keep up a steady stream of chaos so more people will be desperate enough to let us influence them.â
âQuick question,â Valentino asked, giving Velvette a gleam. âShouldnât I be the main leader of all this? I mean, my Porn Studio is the biggest.â
âHow about me? Iâm the youngest,â said Velvette. âAnd more people are into social media than ever before.â
Vox folded his arms. âWeâve been over this. I arrived in Hell first and both of you depend on my TV services for your advertisements. Besides, we are more or less equal.â Vox leaned into Valentino, his red eye moving hypnotically, his voice low. âArenât we?â
âYes, Vox,â said Valentino. Velvet narrowed her eyes.
âGood,â Vox smirked, pulling back.
âWell, how exactly are we supposed to stop it?â Velvette asked.
Valentino was putting glue on his revolver, decorating it with glitter and marbles.
âPut something inside them. Thatâs how I get the bitches to behave.â
Vox rolled his eyes. âLiterally fucking others is your specialty. Mine is media manipulation. And Velvetteâs is love potions and persuading. This is different. Weâre dealing with two powerful people.â
âI meant sending in a spy,â said Valentino.
âOh, I already did that earlier today. I was checking on their progress when I was interrupted by that radio prick.â
âIs it Angel?â asked Velvette.
âThat lanky prick wonât return my calls,â Valentino explained. âIâd kill him like the other demons behind on their payments if he wasnât so popular and useful.â
âIt would be someone Little Miss Bleeding Heart would take in,â Velvette added. âSomeone pathetic, desperate with no direct ties to us.â
âI employ every down on their luck loser this side of Hell. Who the fuck is left?â Valentino asked.
Vox scoffed. âI thinkâŚI have just the one!â His eye did a hypnotizing gleam and the two sharks moved in to pose behind him. He then pulled from his pocket and placed down on the tableâŚ
âŚan old black and white photo of Sir Pentious.
âHuh?â Velvette and Valentino asked, peering to get a closer look.
Vox grinned. âGenuis isnât it? This Overlord was so desperate to get praise from us that he was standing outside the Vee tower. He was calling out, âVox! Vox! Notice me!â He was all tired and was claiming that he was making a long journey back to a certain hotel. What a happy coincidence!â
âWhat happened next?â Valentino asked, blowing pink smoky hearts from his long cigarette.
âI came out of the tower and was all like, âHey there random citizen! Iâve been curious about the princessâ rehabilitation project. Would you take this camera and digital watch and report back to me?â And the fool agreed!â Vox laughed. âHe had gotten beaten badly from his fall all the way to this part of town, so I healed him and sent him on his way. So then, he was able to get a video of Morningstar crying about how she couldnât handle the hotel and I got it on the news! Now, Iâm waiting to hear back from him to see if she has given up!â
âUh, Vox,â Velvette glared at the photo and then at him. âYou mean to sayâŚthat you made me rush through my fashion show for this meetingâŚAFTER I WAS ALREADY FALLING BEHIND AFTER THAT RAP BATTLE BLACKOUT YOU PULLED WITH THE RADIO DEMONâŚAND THE BEST SPY YOU COULD PICK WAS SOME STEAMPUNK ARSEHEAD?!â She bared her fangs and banged on the table, spilling a little wine. Kitty wiped it up with a napkin.
Vox held up his hands. âChill, dear. I was going to tell you guys earlier.â
âAre you sure heâs the right kind of guy?â Valentino added, eyebrow raised. âHe looks pretty stupid to me.â
âVal, heâs the perfect one to infiltrate the hotel,â said Vox. âNo one will notice him.â
âUm, he did repair his zeppelin and he tried to attack the hotel literally earlier today!â Valentino reminded him. âYou saw the video, remember? Heâs not exactly a stellar sleuth.â
Vox waved a dismissive hand. âJust you two wait! When that snake comes back with the announcement that the hotel is no more, I willâŚerm I mean, we will be praised for our efforts!â
âIf the Radio Demon is supporting the hotel, he wonât be happy if itâs gone,â Velvette said.
âPlus, my employee is in there,â Valentino added.
âAngel Dust is still under your contract,â Vox said to Valentino. âHe wonât be going anywhere. Iâm sure you can handle him and get him back. As for AlastorâŚâ electricity sizzled around his hand. âI canât wait to finish him off myself!â
Valentino smirked. âStill pissed that he almost beat you that one time? And won the rap battle this time?â
âFUCK YOU, VAL!â
0 0 0
Back at the Hazbin Hotel, Charlie buried her face in her hands on the couch. Vaggie comforted her as she cried. They had finished watching the news.
âIâŚI canât believe it!â she sobbed. âJust when I thought I was making progress, the news anchors mocked me again! Now all of Hell thinks Iâm a fool!â
âArenât you going to prove them wrong?â Vaggie asked.
âIâŚI donât think I canâŚitâs too muchâŚâ
âWaitâŚyouâre not quitting are you?â Vaggie asked, concern in her voice.
Charlie wiped away some tears. âWhatâs the point, Vaggie? Weâve tried everything so far. No recruits for the hotelâŚand look at this!â
Charlie showed several online posts from her cell phone: â#BringDownHasBeenHotelâ â#VeesRuleâ â#VoxOwnsRadioDeer,â âPrincessPassionProjectPlummits!â
âDonât let those assholes get to you,â Angel Dust said to Charlie, looking up from his cell phone. âBut I did warn you that you didnât have much of a chance to begin with.â
Vaggie glared at Angel Dust. âNot helping.â
Charlie stood up. âI love you guys, and I appreciate all your help, butâŚI thinkâŚI may have to close this place.â
Vaggie gasped softly. Nifftyâs face fell. Angel Dust scrolled on his phone. Husk sighed and walked off. âIâll go pack my stuff.â
âGoodnight guys,â said a sad Charlie. âIf we donât know whoâs filming us, thereâs no point in trying to stay...itâll just get worse. You can leave in the morning if you want.â
âWhere will you go?â Vaggie asked Charlie.
Charlie looked down somberly. âBack to my mansion with my busy depressed dad I guess.â
âCan I stay with you?â
âOf course!â
âCan I?â asked Angel Dust.
âNo!â Vaggie barked.
âWorth a shot,â Angel Dust shrugged.
Charlie glanced at the banner that read âHAPPY FIRST WEEK SIR PENTIOUS!â with the yellow snake on it. âWe were so close, Sir Pentious,â she thought. She yawned and headed to her room, too tired to remove the decorations. Angel Dust spotted Alastor and marched toward him.
âAl,â Angel Dust called. âYouâre the one who did the commercials mocking the hotel. Did you do the ones mocking Charlie, too?â Vaggie also glared at Alastor, watching Charlie go down the dark hall.
âNope,â Alastor replied. âIâd never involve myself with Vox and his pathetic picture-box shows.â
âBut you used to be Overlord friends!â Angel Dust glared.
âBefore he became involved in useless trends and his own ego,â Alastor scoffed. âHe was only interested in furthering his company with my powers.â
âAnd I think you want Charlie to fail for your own amusement!â Vaggie seethed. Alastor just stood with an enigmatic grin.
âYouâre the spy, now fess up!â Angel Dust barked.
âYou all are a bunch of idiots,â Husk mentioned from the distance. âWe know someone was somehow able to film us from the inside. You know he doesnât like modern technology. Why would he use it to further mock us?â
âExactly,â said Alastor. He turned to Vaggie. âI told you I was never to be bothered with using such frivolous technology again.â
âOhâŚrightâŚâ Vaggie suddenly realized.
Alastor materialized into shadow and vanished. Vaggie followed Charlie into her room. She held her hand. âItâs okay, Charlie. Perhaps we can try something else, build a restaurant or something. The Hazbin Inn, how about that?â
Charlie shook her head sadly. âEven though we have Alastor and Angel Dust, itâs still not enough. Letâs go to bed.â
Vaggie relented and sighed, worried about her girlfriend and what they would do next for Charlieâs dreams.
Later that evening, Angel Dust gulped down a bottle of alcohol. He heard something slither in the dark and thought he saw a shadow slip away.
âHuh?â he asked.
Angel Dust peered into Charlieâs office, the door open a crack. Spiderwebs lined several sections of the bookshelves. To his shock, he spotted Sir Pentious with an evil grin setting up the gray square camera on a bookshelf!
Angel Dust slammed open the double doors with all four hands.
âYou slippery little shit!â
Sir Pentious turned around and screamed, flinching back.
âYouâre working for the Vees?!â Angel Dust asked. He marched over to Sir Pentious, jabbing a finger into his chest. âI fucking knew there was something shitty about you!â
Sir Pentious brushed Angel Dustâs hand away and walked to the side. âI donât know what youâre talking about!â He grinned and faced Angel Dust. âWhore bug!â
Angel Dust yelled in anger and rammed himself into Sir Pentious. They fought and rolled on the ground, Angel Dust punching him in the face several times. He rolled him over and caught him in a headlock with his arm. Sir Pentious struggled free of his grip. âGet youâre aggressively average bodyâŚOFF OF ME!â
All of Sir Pentiousâ eyes flashed hypnotically. âFUCK!â Angel Dust cried, hypnotized and stepping back. Sir Pentious hissed and slithered back. Angel Dust shook his head, snapping out of it. He marched toward Sir Pentious again, fists clenched.
Charlie yawned and she and Vaggie stepped into the room. They both wore their nightgowns. Charlie wore red two-piece pajamas and Vaggie wore a white dress nightgown. Charlie had black slippers on her feet with red flowers on them. Her long blonde hair was untied and messy.
âWhatâs going on?â asked a tired Charlie.
Angel Dust grabbed one of Sir Pentiousâ arms. âThis little bitch is a traitor!â
Sir Pentious yanked his arm free. âPreposterous!â He walked toward Charlie and Vaggie. âI would never betray you! YouâŚare my best friends!â He hugged both girls.
âUh huh,â Angel Dust deadpanned. âThen explain this!â He moved a book to the side, revealing the camera. Vaggie glared at Sir Pentious, her suspicion confirmed.
âNow we know how Vox was able to film us!â
Charlie gasped in shock at the realization.
âYouâŚyou almost made me lose my hotelâŚâ Charlie whimpered.
Sir Pentious screamed. âAh! Ah! Abort! Abort!â He slithered to the window and held up his gray wristwatch. âS.O.S.! Agent Pentious in need of immediate evacuation!â Sir Pentious tried to yank open the window in vain.
Voxâs face appeared on the small round screen of the wristwatch.
âPentious?â Vox asked. âWaitâŚyou were caught?! Itâs barely been a day or two!â
âPlease! Youâve got to get me out of here!â Sir Pentious begged.
Vox chuckled and scoffed. âI canât believe we thought you could handle even something this simple. Do us a favor, if they donât kill youâŚâ His eye did the hypnotic motions and he spoke lower, ââŚgo ahead and do it yourself! You miserable failure!â
The screen clicked off.
âIâŚIâŚâ Sir Pentious cried, hurt by the words of his former idol.
He slithered forward, shoulders down, head lowered. âJust make it quick I guessâŚâ
He curled into a ball, awaiting his death. âNot that I deserve itâŚâ
âGladly,â Vaggie replied, readying her spear to pierce Sir Pentiousâ skull.
âWait,â Charlie said, pushing back Vaggieâs spear. She leaned down and held out her white hand. âPentious?â
Sir Pentious looked up at Charlie, teary-eyed. Forgiveness and a softness radiated from her face as she began to sing.
âIt starts with sorryâŚâ
She helped Sir Pentious up.
âThatâs your foot in the door.â
âOne simple sorry, spoken straight from your core.â
Charlie placed a hand over Sir Pentiousâ heart. He gasped softly. He had never felt any real love or kindness since his time on Earth long ago. She put a hand on his shoulder and made her other hand into an encouraging fist.
âThe path to forgiveness is a twisting trail of hearts!â
Charlie slid on a sparkling pink trail in her black slippers that magically appeared near her feet. Smoky hearts swayed and vanished where Charlie danced.
âBut sorry is where it staaaarts!â
She spread out her arms to him. Sir Pentious closed his eyes and looked away as he sang.
âWho could forgive a dirtbag like me?â
âI donât deserve your amnesty.â
Sir Pentious leaned backward on the floor, hand over his heart. Vaggie and Angel Dust gave him menacing death glares. Vaggie had her spear and Angel Dust had two guns in his hands. Sir Pentious scooted backward in fear. Vaggie and Angel Dust stood in shadow, a purple light showing their eyes, mouths, and weapons.
âCanât we just kill him? Shoot him and spill his blood?â
Charlie stuttered.
 âThatâs an option you could chooseâŚâ
âWorks for us!â harmonized Vaggie and Angel Dust.
Charlie bravely walked forward, pushing aside all the weapons.
âBut who hasnât been in his shoes?â
Charlie leaned down and held out her hand for Sir Pentious again.
âIt starts with sorryâŚâ
âSorry.â Sir Pentious began, standing up. Charlie twirled him around in a dance. She pulled him closer to her face, holding his hands in hers.
 âDig down deeper and say one sincere sorry!â
In response, Sir Pentious leaned back in a dramatic pose and chorused, âIâm so sorry!â
âAnd your journeyâs underway!â Charlie smiled as she and Sir Pentious spun around. Vaggie and Angel Dust shared bewildered looks.
In a purple sky background were flashbacks of Sir Pentiousâ life in Hell: Sir Pentious grinning on his zeppelin, Sir Pentious with metal binoculars, Sir Pentious surprised at a broken Egg Boi in front of him, Sir Pentious using a square tablet device, eyes narrowed.
He and Charlie began a duet at the same time.
 âItâll take time to uncover your vast multitude of sinsâŚâ
 âItâll take time to uncover my vast multitude of sinsâŚâ
They both harmonized, âBut sorry is where it begins!â
Yellow fireworks exploded the flashbacks and read âSORRYâ in sparky letters. Sir Pentious and Charlie smiled as sparkles rained down on them.
âIt starts with sorry.â
The song ended with the two of them smiling at each other back in the room. In the doorway stood an unimpressed Niffty in a white-lavender dress nightgown with a pink bow on top.
âI hated that song! Why are you so lame?!â
She stomped over and promptly kicked Sir Pentiousâ body. âNot a bad boy!â She folded her arms and marched off. Sir Pentious grimaced in pain.
Charlie sighed. âGood to see things resolved for the moment. We will keep this hotel going! Letâs get some rest.â
âThank goodness,â Vaggie smiled at Charlie. The gang headed off to their rooms. Vaggie then rolled her eyes and said sarcastically. âThe Sir Repentious Arc begins. Yay.â
âAdmit it, Vaggie, my song helped him!â
âIâve told you many times Charlie, life is not a musical!â
âJustâŚenjoy it Vaggie. I know you do, inside.â
The lights dimmed and in the darkness Alastorâs red eyes and yellow smile glowed. He walked over and picked up the wristwatch.
âWHAT?!â bellowed an angry Vox, before he paused in fear, realizing who it was.
âYouâll have to try harder than that next time, olâ pal!â Alastor remarked.
Vox bellowed in rage as Alastor crushed the wristwatch with his hand. He dropped the sparking broken device onto the floor and left the room in shadow with a sinister laugh, his eyes and mouth briefly appearing again.
0 notes
Hazbin Hotel Season One: "Welcome to Heaven"
Vaggie and Charlie had arrived in Heaven via a portal, thanks to Lucifer. Charlie gazed at the bright-pastel colored sky in amazement. The sky was filled with puffy clouds and the sky shone in blue, yellow, orange, and pink.
âVaggie, look at this place! Itâs sooo clean! Isnât that amazing?â
Vaggie slouched and replied sarcastically, âYup, super cool. Heaven. Wow.â
They walked down a golden path up to the large golden gates. Three golden glowing eyes were at the top of the gates, one large eye in the middle. Standing behind a raised golden square podium was a jovial angel with short blond hair in a curl to the side, blue eyes, white skin, a pink bowtie, long yellow robe sleeves and a light blue robe with a cross at the bottom. He had a halo and white wings. There was Saint Peter, the one who checked off the names of souls entering Heaven. He was also one of the twelve apostles of Jesus.
âHiya!â Saint Peter greeted. âWelcome to Heaven! Can I get your name, please?â He opened up a large golden book.
âOh! Uhm, uh, Charlie Morningstar!â
âCharlie Morningstar, hmmâŚâ He mumbled names from a list, moving his finger down: Morraco, Morcillo Santos, Morzerty, Mormington, Morningbreakfast, Mornan Vaigh, Morney Lewis⌠âIâm not seeing you on my list here, thatâs so odd.â
âUh, uhm, my dad got me this meeting so maybe try Lucifer Morningstar?â Charlie asked.
âOh f***!â Saint Peter gasped as he slammed the book shut. He laughed nervously. âYeah, hoooo, hehe, yikes, am I right?â He flew down from the podium. âAre you sure youâre in the right place? Because I think you might be a little lost.â
âOh, here we go,â Vaggie sighed.
âNoâŚuh, weâre here for a meeting,â Charlie explained.
âSaint Peter,â called a voice from above. âWe can take it from here.â
Saint Peter turned around and all three looked up.
Descending down toward them were none other than the Seraphim Sisters themselves. Sera was the taller of the two, flying regally on six white wings. She was in her Angelic form, her face dark and pointed like a bird. Her eyelashes extended upward in curves from her eyes and her tall five-pointed crown glowed white and teal, with a halo above it. The front rim of her crown was covered with glowing teal eyes. An extra third eye was on her forehead. Her long light gray dress was decorated with light blue eyes: eyes on the pointed light gray ends of her dress, more eyes near her dark gray waistline part of her dress, eyes on her wings and one on each of her shoulders. Her gray hair was long and feathery, going past her waist.
In contrast, her younger sister Emily flew next to her, much shorter but also in Angelic form. Her face was round and gray with a third eye over her blue ones. She had a smaller white crown on her head, the points shorter than her sisterâs and a halo on top. A large light blue eye blinked on her chest and more dark blue eyes peered from the royal purple trim on the lower part of her dress. A few more eyes made up the blue diamonds on her dress. Her dress was more lavender toward the top. Her six white wings were all up surrounding her face.
In a flash of white light, the sisters changed into more humanoid forms. Seraâs face appeared to have dark brown skin like an African woman, with light gray dots under her light blue eyes. Her hair morphed into her long thick tube-shaped gray curls and her eyes on her dress disappeared, leaving faint diamonds. Emilyâs skin also turned dark brown, her wings in more natural positions along her back and her eyes vanished from her dress as well. Her hair was now long, gray and feathery, going past her waist. She also had small gray dots near her eyes. Her chest showed a purple star where her eye was.
The Seraphim landed in front of them. Emily beamed an excited smile.
âGreetings, daughter of the Morningstar,â Sera said to Charlie. âI am Sera, the High Seraphim of Heaven. You are gifted to be here.â
Emily squealed happily, raised a hand and walked over. âHi! Iâm Emily, the other Seraphim, though you can call me Em! Emmy, E, whatever you want, I go by whatever.â She giggled like a child. âWelcome to Heaven!â
Saint Peter smiled and flew upwards as a church organ played. âDearly beloved, it is my pleasure to say unto theeâŚâ
The golden gates opened and Saint Peter sang: âWelcome to Heaven, oh, oh!â
Charlie was bedazzled at the sight of the gleaming city before her, while Vaggie was not pleased. A large building was decorated with a pointed golden eye at the front and the tower stretched upward with lilac and white designs on the windows; a column of white diamonds. The building frames were gold and halos glowed at the top spires of the buildings. Denizens happily flew over the city against the orange sunset-like sky. The citizens had wings and halos and had a variety of appearances like those in Hell. Some were bipedal animals, while others had wheels with eyes on them for faces.
The golden brick roads were so clean that they reflected the buildings and sky.
ââŚwhere the virtuous reside 24/7, oh, oh!â
Up on a balcony, two angels were taking a selfie: a dark gray bug-like angel with four wings from his face and wearing a navy blue suit with big sleevesâŚand a black female hound with a black and gold halo and a black dress with a white fur collar. A few human-like angels were sitting at round tables on a balcony decorated with orbs of light. Walking along the street was a purple jester angel, and a light orange angel with large ears and four red and white eyes on them. Two pink female angels with antennae and curly hair like sheep happily talked at a table.
âPeople are happy that they died, cause here we got no worries, got no burglaries, no strifeâŚitâs the perfect afterlife!â Saint Peter did a happy flip in the air.
An angel with white hair like Vaggie drank tea with a white robed angel with a purple feathery face with two wings from their head and white eyes on a gold crown.
âWelcome to Heaven, oh, oh!â
Saint Peter stood in the center with a group of dancers on a gold structure shaped like an eye. He danced with a green bird wearing a magenta suit, an alligator wearing a pink suit and top hat, a female llama wearing a purple dress, and a bear wearing a striped blue and white suit and hat. Behind them were large screens showing a blue sky, white clouds and âHEAVEN!â in gold letters with a halo over the H. Yellow smiley faces with wings and halos floated in prayer positions on the other screens. More denizens danced on the golden street; a doll, a lion wearing a blue robe, a white bear, a shrimp with a top hat and robe with eye designs, a light blue canine, a sheep wearing pink, a thin white birdâŚ
There was a sign that read âLIVINâ, LAUGHIN,â LOVIN,â HEVAH!â and âEVERYTHING IS AWESOME SAUCE!â Most noticeable down below was the dancing figure of Angel Dustâs sister Molly. Molly had white fur, red dots on her cheeks, a pink and red dress and four long legs with pink stripes and black high heels. She had a halo and wings and was happily having fun, oblivious of her twin brother in Hell.
Saint Peter happily dived down and high-fived the bear and the lion before swooping back up.
âCheck out our sweet dĂŠcor! The spirits leaven, oh!â
He swept black rocks off the gold street in front of Charlie and Vaggie.
âPlease keep your brimstone off the floorâŚâ
âWeâve got the best and the brightest, the politest of the lot!â
Saint Peter mentioned to a large advertisement sign that read âSCIENCEâ in pink letters with a glassy gleam to them. A white bird wore yellow and had three small eyes along her furry neck. A black hound with yellow eyes, a black dress and white fur collar stood happily next to her. They both wore gloves, safety goggles and stood in a lab. The bird held a beaker with red liquid and the hound held a cylinder beaker with yellow liquid. Colorful pink, magenta and purple animal angels danced in front of the sign.
Saint Peter then mentioned to another advertisement billboard the read âPOLITENESSâ in white cursive against a blue background. It showed a one-eyed Ophanim with gray wings from his head with teal tips and a crossed gold crown of wheels with eyes on it. He wore a white robe and helped an elderly old lady angel across the street. A yellow owl angel with red and white eyes on his extended feathery ears did a pose in the corner. More angels danced in front of the sign, including a mouse.
Saint Peter swooped down and cheering denizens lifted him up and moved him along. Next to a giraffe, a woman with three red eyes and orange hair smiled as she lifted him up.
ââŚand everyone is hoooot!â
Saint Peter smiled as he lay in the arms of a muscular woman with short red hair, white skin, a spiky eye-brow, a red tank top and long purple tights. A muscular man wearing black underwear and a short black sleeve-less jacket lay down in a pose. Another man had lavender skin, shirtless, and had a black bowtie and brown pants. On the manâs arm sat a sexy woman model with long blond hair, blue eyes,  a short hot pink dress and long teal pants. There was a taller white-skinned man with red hair and a torn light orange shirt flexing his muscles. A woman with dark skin, long white/periwinkle hair, a pink heart in her hair and a black and purple dress posed with her hands on her hips. A grinning male orange fox also did a pose off to the side, wearing a sleeveless red jacket, fingerless gloves, black pants and pink high heel boots. Even Angel Dustâs sister Molly posed on the ground.
Emily beamed in excitement as she led Vaggie and Charlie around. âGosh, Iâm so pleased to show some outsiders around,â she sang. âAfter you see our realm, youâll never wanna go back down!â
Vaggie fumed as Charlie and Emily held hands in front of her. Sera placed a hand on Charlieâs shoulder.
âOf course, it is just temporary, Iâm sorry you canât stayâŚâ Sera added in song.
Saint Peter and Emily flew into the air and happily sang in a duet. They held hands and flew near a tall glass building with a gold halo on top. Gold rays of sunlight beautified the orange sky even more. âCause every single day in Heaven is a happy daaaaay! Welcome to Heaven!â Emily and Saint Peter smiled at each other and flipped down to the ground. Saint Peter, Emily, Molly, and the other good-looking angels posed on the stage in a grand finish. Saint Peter caught his breath out loud after the song ended.
0 0 0
Meanwhile, Adam and Lute stood off to the side. Lute had her helmet off her face, revealing a white face, short sharp white hair, and intense yellow eyes. Adam was casually slurping a drink with a straw from a purple and white cup. Lute wore her short gray dress, arm bands, and combat boots. A black halo hovered above Luteâs head. Luteâs wings where white with black trim, with two black stripes in the center. Adam stood proud with a golden halo above his black face with yellow teeth, yellow eyes, and pointed curved horns with gold tips. He had his usual feathery robes of white, yellow, and gold, with diamond designs near the trim. An âAâ design was on the front. He recalled playing his golden guitar, the bottom and top shaped like golden harps.
As Charlie and Vaggie raced past them, Adam and Lute scowled in surprise.
âHoly f***ing s*** balls, am I seeing who I think Iâm seeing?â Adam began.
Lute scowled while looking at the back of Vaggie. âWhat is she doing here?! How did she even get up here?â She then thought, âI killed that filthy traitor years ago! She didnât deserve her vagina name and she certainly didnât deserve my Adam!â
Adam merely shrugged. âWho cares? Iâm handling this s*** right now!â
He began to stomp forward, but Lute held him back. âWait! You want to start a fight on the promenade in front of everyone?â
âBetter than waiting for the f***ing extermination!â
âShhh, sir!â Lute shushed him, grabbing his collar and looking around. âWhat was the Seraphimâs one rule?â
Adam sighed. âUuugh! âNo one but the Exorcists can know about the exterminations.â I know, fine.â He slurped his drink and glared. âDonât f***ing shush me, b****.â
âYou should listen to your lieutenant, Adam,â said a voice. Sera appeared before them in a flash of light.
Adam was briefly startled. âF**k! Sera! You canât sneak up on a guy like that, jeez.â
âAnd be mindful of your swearing. It is censored in Heaven, after all.â
âYour highness, forgive me,â Lute began, âBut what are the hell spawn doing here?â
âWell, you failed to control the demonsâ unrest and now Luciferâs involved, setting up an audience for his misguided daughter,â Sera replied. She stared out the window, while computer screens glowed off to the side. âI never wouldâve agreed to your yearly activities if I thought it would bring trouble to our doorstep. Keeping Heaven safe was my only reason for allowing it.â She turned back around.
âWhat do you want from me? Iâm just one guy,â said Adam.
âI want you to do whatever you need to do to keep this problem from getting any worse.â She leaned in closer to his face with a narrowing of her eyes. âAre we clear?â
âYeah, got it,â Adam replied with a sigh. Sera vanished in light.
Lute then mentioned for Adam to follow Emily, Charlie, and Vaggie. Emily stiffened as she heard hushed voices behind her mention something about the exterminations and the Exorcists. The only time she heard about that was from Sera talking to herself in private. She had wondered if that was a real event and why Sera never wanted to talk about it to her. She had claimed that evil demons were exterminated by each other and that brave angels went off to watch over Heaven to protect it. When she had asked why some souls go to Heaven and others are banished to Hell, Sera had said, âYouâre not ready to know. Now go spread your joy.â
Charlie, Vaggie, and Emily did not see the Exorcists behind them and soon made it to the hotel room. Adam and Lute hid in the shadows against the wall, waiting for Vaggie to be alone. Lute wished she could kill Vaggie then and there, but Adam had other ideas. They watched the trio enter their hotel room, the golden door closing.
âOkay, I love Heaven!â Charlie exclaimed as she fell down onto a comfy bed with white sheets and a golden headboard. The wallpaper was blue and the designs were Egyptian style royal fans. There was a bedside table and a light on it. The luggage was in a pile off to the side near a golden leaf plant. The light fixtures were golden star designs and the top glowed with teal crystals on the walls. A glowing teal chandelier was hanging from the ceiling.
âVaggie, did you see the ice cream shop? They had sprinkles made of rainbows!â Charlie squealed. Emily giggled.
âThose are just rainbow sprinkles,â Vaggie deadpanned.
Charlie stood up. âEmilyâs going to take me to a zoo where all the animals are actually soft! You coming?â
The last thing Vaggie needed was to be noticed by anyone in her former home, not to mention having to listen to Charlie and her new friend talk about their lofty dreams. Charlie was her girlfriend and all she wanted was to be back safe in Hell.
âUh, I need a break.â She sat down. âBut hug a koala for me.â
âO.M.G. Can you imagine an actual koala?â beamed Charlie, her eyes wide with joy. âAhh! See you later!â Â Emily waved happily. Charlie slammed the golden door and headed off with Emily. Vaggie sighed and collapsed onto the bed.
Adam and Lute grinned as they watched Charlie and Emily go. Adamâs yellow smile glowed menacingly as he and Lute crept closer to the unlocked door.
Vaggie heard a knock on the door. Vaggie sighed and stood up. She barely made it to the door when Adam shoved it open.
âHey there, Vag-asaurus!â Adam smirked.
âCharlie will be back soon,â Vaggie glared. âYou need to get out, now.â
âIâm not looking for the blonde babe, Iâm looking for you.â Adam raised an eyebrow.
âWhy?â
Adam swaggered into the room, followed by Lute. âMaybe âcuz you left the band, you tried for a solo career, or I guess itâs more of aâŚduet!â
Vaggie folded her arms. âI donât know what youâre talking about.â
âDo you really think I wouldnât recognize one of my top girls just cuz youâre out of uniform? You were on the front lines. I wouldnât forget a bad b**** like you. Itâs why I named you after the best thing ever. Vaj-ee!â
âActually itâs pronounced Vag-ee.â
âMmmm, no!â Adam denied.
âYou shouldâve called me P*ssy, at least,â Lute muttered. âAt least I didnât betray the flock.â
âI did what I had to do,â Vaggie seethed. âHe was just a kid.â
âAnyway, you sure f***ed up, didnât you?â Adam smirked. âRemoving your mask and letting a demon go. Such weakness, such incompetence.â
Vaggie could remember flying in Hell through the Exorcist-filled red sky, stabbing a green female demon with long brown-red hair, boots, and torn clothing through her back. Her LED mask had an X over the left eye and a frown on the face. She wore her short gray dress, long white gloves, black leggings, and high white metal combat boots. She had a black halo and white wings with a black stripe on them. She removed her mask, revealing her face with short white hair, an angry snarl, and both light orange eyes. She flew with a spear in hand and spied a crying boy child from the Cannibal Town. He had short red hair, a pink bowtie, a red shirt, red hat, and striped pants. She had him backed against the wall, her winged shadow towering over him, an x on the shadowâs left eye. She then paused, her face falling, hands lowering her spear. She would never harm a childâŚeven a demon one. It would be against everything that Heaven stood for.
âGo, Run! Now!â Vaggie hissed at the boy, who ran off.
No sooner had Vaggie turned around when Lute slashed her across the face with her blade. Vaggieâs scream echoed across the city as her eye spilled out from her socket. Lute stabbed the fallen eye and golden blood flowed down Vaggieâs face. Lute added insult to injury by placing a foot hard on the back of her neck. âIf your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it outâŚâ Lute recited. âAdam may have seen you as the perfect vagina girl, but I know that he doesnât deserve a fucking weak-willed whore like you.â
Lute then proceeded to rip off Vaggieâs white and black wings, causing her to scream in more pain. She collapsed to the ground in agony, golden blood flowing down her face.
âSinful filth like you has no place in Heaven,â Lute finished. Adam then confiscated Vaggieâs black halo and the two Exorcists walked away, leaving Vaggie to die.
Vaggie stumbled through the alleyway before collapsing against the wall. Where her left eye had been was a gaping black hole. She now only had a white shirt on with two black Xs on itâŚany traces of her uniform or Exorcist features were goneâŚdiscarded into a nearby trash can. She left behind a trail of golden blood.
Charlie bent down and extended her hand, thinking Vaggie was a lost Sinner. Charlie wore her suit from the Pilot. She knelt down to Vaggieâs level and wrapped a bandage over Vaggieâs eye. Vaggie smiled weakly as Charlie carried her back to the hotel. Vaggieâs body got used to the Hell environment and gradually adapted more demonic features. Vaggie then swore to protect Charlie and make her dreams come true. An ex demon hunter and a demon royal had fallen in loveâŚand nothing was going to change that.
âTo think someone as worthless as you landed Lilithâs little hottie. âGrats on that, I guess,â Adam mocked.
âTheir love is vile and blasphemous,â Lute seethed, marching forward.
âLike youâre master/sex slave relationship with Adam is any better,â Vaggie retorted.
âTheir love is hot as f**k, though,â Adam added. âBut I wonder what your b**** would think if she found out you were actually one of us? Hmmm?â He leaned his face in.
âWhat do you want?â Vaggie asked. âWant me to join you again?â
âF*** no,â Adam scoffed. âWay too late for that. But at the hearing, youâre gonna help me shut this kindergarten snowflake bulls**t down for good. Say that her hotel plan is a joke, and Iâll spare you.â
âNever!â
Adam shrugged. âOh yeah, you know, thatâs totally cool. I guess Iâll just tell little Miss butterflies and rainbows that sheâs beenâŚâ He leaned in close to her face with an evil grin,  ââŚf***ing someone whoâs killed thousands of her people. Iâm sure your relationship will be fine. See you in court!â
Adam laughed menacingly as he and Lute strolled out of the room and slammed the door, leaving Vaggie shaken.
0 0 0
Charlie did actually get to hug a koala, an angel one with small white wings and a few eyes on its fur. In fact, all of the zoo animals had wings, little halos, extra eyes and were very friendly. Giraffes, elephants, lions, doves, bears, and any kind of animal you could think of, were joyfully inside their habitats, being able to freely fly around. Charlie hugged her koala, while Emily fed a baby panda. They also enjoyed snacks of golden cotton candy, meatless burgers, sparkling golden drinks and deluxe chocolate. They explored shopping malls, restaurants, theaters, and several parks.
âThis really is a wonderful place,â Charlie awed, as she and Emily walked back toward the hotel. âThank you for showing me around.â
âNo problem,â said Emily. âItâs not very often we get visitors fromâŚyour home. But Iâm honored to meet the princess of Hell!â
âAnd I never thought Heaven had a princess.â
âWell actually two. Sera is the higher one. She does all the royal duties and Iâm here to spread joy to those in Heaven.â
âWell you certainly do a great job,â Charlie said with a smile. âMy world could use your kind of cheer.â
âDonât you spread cheer of your own down there?â
Charlie and Emily kept walking.
âWell, yes, but not many people appreciate my ideas. Nor my dadâs.â
Emily sighed. âFrom what Sera told me, she and the elders didnât like Luciferâs ideas for creation, either. He tried to give free will to humanity, but instead fell to Hell.â
Charlie glanced off to the side, parting her hair. âMy dad said that Heaven has a lot of rules and that going to Heaven would be a bad idea. But yet, he was willing to help me in the end. I guessâŚhe wanted me to try and achieve my dreamâŚbecause he could not. But sometimes I think he doesnât always listen. And donât get me started on my mom. Sheâs been missing for years. She cares about her kingdomâŚbut perhaps she doesnât agree with dadâs ideas about humans. IâŚI still donât know why she left.â
âI feel you. It seems like Sera and the council never listen to what I have to say. Iâve been giving the people of Heaven hope and happiness, but when I talk about reuniting souls from Hell into Heaven, Sera tells me that itâs impossible. She says that she knows how souls are judged and that itâs not my place to know.â Emily folded her arms. âShe treats me like a child half the time!â
âBeing royalty sure isnât easy,â Charlie added. âBut with all the madness going on in Hell, I feel like I have to do something.â
Emily paused. âWhat? What kind of madness?â
âMy people killing each other and getting killed by these horrible angel beings every year. And my dad allows it.â
âTheâŚexterminations?â Emily asked, wide eyed.
âYeah,â Charlie somberly answered.
âYou meanâŚthat the event that Iâve heard my sister talk about behind closed doorsâŚthat itâs actually 100% real?â
âYes. WaitâŚno one else knows?â
âOnly Sera and the Exorcists know about what goes on each year. Sera always said to me that some angels go off on special missions to protect Heaven from invaders. She never told me who exactly the invaders were. But I think theyâreâŚdemons?â
Charlie glanced around. âThe demons are not invaders. And itâs not just Hellborn demonsâŚSinners get killed down there, too.â
Emily gasped. âH-human souls? No, no, thatâs impossible! T-thatâs just a myth from Sera. Ex-human and Heavenborn souls from here killing demons and Sinners?! Led by the first man?!â Tears welled in her eyes.
Charlie lowered her head. âItâs true, though. SoâŚyouâre certain that no one else in Heaven knows?â
Emily shook her head sadly. âIf they knew that their ex-human family members were killed by our own kindâŚor their own ex-human kindâŚâ
ââŚthat could start a war,â Charlie growled, eyes briefly flaring red.
âMaybe thatâs why Sera stays so silent all the time,â Emily pondered.
There was a brief silence as they made it back to the hotel.
âSoâŚwhat can we do?â Emily asked.
âWell, Iâve come here because Iâm running a hotel to try and rehabilitate Sinners. If I can show Heaven that my people can be redeemed, then maybe theyâll let them into Heaven.â
Emily beamed. âAnd I could spread more joy and celebrate the souls getting back to their families! What a brilliant idea!â Then her face fell. âButâŚhave you saved anyone yet?â
Charlie sighed. âNot yet. But Iâm really close. My two residents, Angel Dust and Sir Pentious have started doing nicer things for their friends. They havenât left, so I think thereâs still hope for them.â
Emily shuddered. âGood luck getting Sera to listenâŚsheâs the head of the whole council.â
âIâll think of something,â Charlie said. She held out note cards of drawings and dictionary definitions. âI hopeâŚâ
 They arrived back to the room and opened the door. Vaggie was visibly shaken up.
âVaggie? Are you alright?â Charlie asked.
âI-Iâm fine,â she muttered, eyes downcast. âCome on, weâd better head to the courtroom.â
Charlie and Emily looked at each other in concern before following Vaggie.Â
0 0 0
The heavenly courtroom was vast and tall, the walls were lavender and the ceiling was round and gold with a center circle for light to shine through. On raised podiums were various angels with different appearances. On the lowest podium off to the side were a row of seven bird-like angels (perhaps the Shem Hamephorash), many with black antennae on their heads. The row above them had seven angelsâŚsome were blue and purple bird-like beings like Hellâs Ars Goetia and several were Ophanim: angels with flaming gold wheels within wheels dotted with eyes for their faces. One was just an eye with six blue tentacles from its top with eyes on them. At the very top podium stood Sera and Emily. Adam and Lute got their own podium: the trim was gold and an eye design was at the bottom. The light fixtures in the wall were in a slanted white diamond shape with gold trim that looked like wings. A gold structure of a smiling Sera holding a weapon and grinning with slanted teal eyes stood against the wall behind Charlie and Vaggie. Charlie and Vaggie sat in blue chairs with three rectangular shapes behind them with their small table in front of them.
Charlie put her head in her hands and groaned out loud. âOh no, not him again!â
âWhat up baby?â Adam sang with a pose and flew up next to Lute on the raised podium. âSaw that you went to my manager. Low blow, Karen.â
Sera began the proceeding. âWe are gathered here today to determine whether or not a soul in Hell can be redeemed into the heavenly realm via means of this âHazbin Hotel.â Â She closed her eyes and nodded. âPrincess Morningstar?â
Charlie sighed. âThank you, Seraphim.â She stood up and cleared her throat. âWebsterâs dictionary defines redemption asâŚâ
 âObjection!â Adam interrupted. âLame and unoriginal.â
Sera glared. âSustained.â She mentioned to Charlie. âNo further dictionary references, please.â
Charlie smiled nervously. âRight. Okay, uh, uhâŚummmâŚâ She flipped through her cards that had drawings and definitions of various words like âRedemption,â âSalvation,â âForgiveness,â and âLove.â
Adam crossed his arms. âIf you have actual evidence, then show it already.â
Charlie began. âWe have a patron right now who is making incredible progress!â
âWho?â Adam asked.
âAngel Dust.â
Adam spoke sarcastically. âOh yeah, the porn demon. Heâs totally worth being redeemed.â He blew a raspberry with his yellow tongue.
Charlie posed with her hands on her hips. âWell, if you know so much, what do you think it takes to get into Heaven?â She pointed a finger at Adam.
Adam stuttered nervously, touching two of his black fingers together several times. âUh, well, uhâŚâ The council members looked at each other.
âIs everything okay, Adam?â Sera asked.
Adam yelled, âGive me a f***ing minute, okay?â He muttered as he scribbled on a golden piece of paper with a gold feather pen. Adam then smiled and sent the piece of paper to Vaggie with his hand, where it materialized in front of her.Â
Vaggie held the paper and read. ââAct selfless, donât steal, stick it to the man.â Are you f***ing serious?â
Adam waved his hand. âUh, yeah. Sure got me here, didnât it?â He laughed nervously. âRight, Sera?â
âHe was the first human soul in Heaven,â Sera stated.
âWell, I bet Angel is doing all of those things right now!â Charlie declared proudly.
Adam bared his fangs. âThen letâs f***ing see it, brah!â He snapped his fingers and a glowing white orb appeared, swirling and appearing in the center of the room.
Charlie walked around the orb and looked at Sera. âYour Honor, may I present, Exhibit A.â
The orb morphed to show Angel Dust, Husk, Cherri Bomb, Niffty, and Sir Pentious at a nightclub.
âHeavenly people,â Adam scoffed as the orb showed Angel Dust and Cherri Bomb taking shots of alcohol. âWhat more do you need to see? The porn star chose a night of debauchery. Thatâs not a soul worthy of being in Heaven! And look hereâŚâ
The orb showed Angel Dust acting in his porn videos and then showed Angel Dust firing his guns at a rival gang. Many council members muttered in disapproval.
âUm, objection!â Charlie called. âAre you really telling me that youâve never had a drink with friends after a hard day?â
Adam raised an eyebrow. âUh, we donât have hard days? Itâs f***ing Heaven, b****. Are you seriously gonna sit there and pretend like getting drunk, killing people, and doing porn is okay?â
âWhat do you think?â Adam smirked at Vaggie.
âFirst of all, I think you should shut your mouth,â Vaggie remarked, which earned her a glare from Lute. âAnd second of all, I still think thereâs a chance that Angel Dust can be redeemed. He just needs more time to prove himself. Like Charlie said, heâs making progress.â
Charlie added, (thankful that Vaggie stayed and didnât run away) âAngel will make good decisions, come on! We have to keep watching. Please?â
Sera sighed dishearteningly. âYeah, I donât know.â
Emily pleaded to her sister. âCome on, letâs give him a chance.â
Sera conceded. âVery well. The court will allow it.â
 âF**k yes!â Charlie cheered. The higher ups gave her looks. Charlie smiled in apology. âI meanâŚhehâŚthank you.â
The orb showed more scenes from Angel Dustâs life, including him bonding with Husk during their âLoser Babyâ song.
âAngel Dust is talking to a friend and starting to create some bonds,â Charlie explained. âHe even has a pet pig, Fat Nuggets, heâs just the cutest little thingâŚâ
âYeah, no one cares,â Adam said.
âOh and look at thisâŚâ Charlie said. The orb shifted back to the nightclub scenes. Angel Dust was shown holding a crying drunk Niffty after stopping her from stealing bleach and drinks. The council members nodded in approval after watching Angel Dust stand up for his friends, facing his boss Valentino.
Charlie then proceeded to show scenes of Sir Pentious, before and after his arrival to the Hazbin Hotel.
âSir Pentious is my newer resident. He may have been menacing in the past, but now, heâs getting to be very sweet. Deep down, he just wants admiration from those he looks up to. And did I mention he has his Egg Boi minions? Very interesting fellows.â
The council members shrugged, weirded out by the eggs but still considering Sir Pentious after he had apologized to Charlie in song.
âSee!â Charlie said, recalling Angel Dust. âHe did everything on your checklist! He was selfless, he stopped Niffty from stealing, and he stuck it to that moth man!â Charlie waved her arm with a fisted hand.
Adam briefly stuttered, then barked. âThen, then why isnât he and that other guy here, then? Hmm?â
Emily looked concerned as well. She turned to Sera: âYeah, why isnât he here?â Sera looked away.
Charlieâs eyes widened. âWait. None of you know what gets someone into Heaven either?â
Sera narrowed her eyes. âThis questioning stops now. We know when a soul arrives. We know when they pass divine judgment. It is our job to ensure these souls are safe.â
âBut she was right, Sera!â Emily sang. She held up Adamâs piece of paper to Sera, with his three quotes crossed out in red. Adam had drawn his face and some money signs on the paper.
âShe showed us a soul can improve!
âHe saw the light, Sera!â
Emily flew up next to the orb, which showed Angel Dust defending Niffty, trying to break free from Valentinoâs pink chain of magic.
âHe did everything he could.
Checked all the boxes like you said he would.
Proved a person deserves a second chanceâŚâ
She flew down to face the council members.
âNow we turn our backs with no second glance?â
Sera sang to her sister.
âItâs not as simple as you think,
Not everything is spelled in ink.â
 She held Emilyâs hands in hers.
âThere is much you donât understand
For I, too, am under someoneâs command.â
Charlie joined in as well, singing.
âItâs not fair, Sera!â
Vaggie placed a hand on Charlieâs shoulder.
âCareful Charlie, keep a cool headâŚâ
Charlie shoved Vaggie off and marched forward.
âNo! Donât you care, Sera?â
âThat just because someone is dead
It doesnât mean they canât resolve to change their ways
Turn the page and see their days,
Escape infernal blaze!â
Charlie walked around the flaming orb, waving her hand over it and it changed to scenes of a smiling Angel Dust, Angel Dust and Cherri Bomb drinking from their shot glasses, Angel Dust tenderly holding Niffty in his arms, Angel Dust and Husk firing their gunsâŚ
âŚand then to Charlieâs favorite image, a book page showing Niffty, Angel Dust, Husk, and Sir Pentious smiling together.
Sera shook her head.
âIâm sure you wish it could be so
But thereâs a lot that you donât knowâŚâ
Lute scoffed in annoyance as she saw the orb show Angel Dust wearing his pink robe, blood dripping from his mouth.
âWhat are we even talking about?
Some crack-wh**re who f***ed up, no doubt
Killing people and strip-dancing for clout
He blew his shot like the c**ks in his mouth!
He should be double dead, already!
This discussion is senseless and petty!â
Adam flipped the bird and Lute put her LED mask back on.
Adam and Lute then flew together and sang their duet in Charlieâs face.
âThereâs no question, he ainât ready!
âThereâs nothing left to disclose
No question to be posed
Heâs unholy, case closed!
Did you forget that Hell is forever?!â
They flew and stood on top of the orb, which now showed glowing hellish flames and shadows of screaming demons. Adam belted out:
âA man only lives once
Weâll see you in one month!â
He lowered himself to the ground, grinning evilly at Charlie. Charlieâs horns pointed out from her hair and her eyes glowed red in anger, her blonde hair waving frantically. Adam bragged some more.
âGotta say I can wait to
Come down and exterminate you!â
âAdam!â warned Sera.
Emily and Lute both called to Adam,
âWait!â
âS***!â Adam swore, realizing his mistake too late.
âWhat are you saying?â sang a concerned Emily, who lowered herself.
âLet me get this straight
You go down there and kill those poor souls
So you donât just try to protect our world?
You think itâs fine
To step out of line?â
Charlie looked sadly at Emily.
âI told you, Emily. Itâs been going on so longâŚâ
Emily gasped.
âYou were right all along!â
Emily then turned to face her sister.
âI thought the killings were just stories
You told me of our warriorsâ glories
But what you claimed was only half-true
You never spoke specifically of Sinner souls, too!â
âAnd we all didnât have a clue!â the council chorused.
Sera flew down toward Emily.
âI only did so to protect this world and you!â
Emily had tears in her eyes and an angry look on her face.
âI looked up to you! I canât believe you knew!â
Sera sighed.
âI thought since Iâm older
Itâs my load to shoulderâŚâ
âNo!â Emily shouted, before Sera continued.
âYou have to listen
It was such a hard decision
I helped create Earth
I watched your birth
I saw humanity rise and fall
And when Lucifer lost it all
I wanted to save you
The anguish it takes to
Do what was required.â
Sera smiled with a strained look as the flames glowed in her eyes.
Emily flew up, backing away from Sera.
âAnd you who I admired!â
Sera gave her a disapproving look.
âI donât need your condescensionâŚâ
ââŚand demons donât need more pension!â Emily vocalized.
Emily put her hands on her hips, flapping her six white wings furiously. Her crown had a new purple eye in the center and another eye appeared on her chest.
âYou do not get
Iâm not a child to protect
Was talk of virtue just pretension?
Was I too naĂŻve to expect you
To heed the morals youâre purveying?â
Charlie turned to Emily as she flew down to join her.
âThatâs what the f**k Iâve been sayingâŚâ
Adam and Lute yelled at the women.
âDonât forget Hell is forever!â
Charlie and Emily jumped up onto the orb and sang side by side in defiance together, facing Sera, Adam, and Lute.
âIf Hell is forever, then Heaven must be a lie!â
âEmily!âSera cried, fear in her eyes.
Emily and Charlie continued.
âIf angels can do whatever and remain in the skyâŚ
The rules are shades of gray, when you donât do as you sayâŚ
When you make the wretched suffer just to kill them again!â
The orb then showed Luteâs menacing grin as she slashed her bloodstained curved sword against a background of flames. Charlie and Emily jumped off the orb.
Charlie then sang in a somber voice.
âI was told not to trust in angels...â
âBy her?â Adam laughed, mentioning to Vaggie with his outstretched arms.
Lute joined in, standing next to Vaggie, hands on her hips.
âHa! She should know.â
Fear laced Vaggieâs face.
âWe should go.â
âNo!â Charlie countered, holding Vaggieâs hands. âDonât you see, weâve come so close!â
âLook at them fighting. Theyâre confused the most.â
Adam scowled at the women.
âYou think that only Lute and I conspire?
Did you ever think your little girlfriend might be a liar?â
He grinned and waved his fingers.
âDonât Adam, please!âVaggie begged.
Adam smirked, turning his head to Vaggie. âWhatâs the fuss? You were one of us!â
He pulled Vaggie hard by the arm toward the orb and cupped her chin. He made Vaggie face Charlie and smiled, Lute grinning next to Vaggie. Adam and Lute finished:
âThereâs no need for strife. Why hide the fact that you were an angel in your past lifeeee?!â
Charlie froze in shock and horror at what she saw next. The orb showed an Exorcist killing a bunch of demonsâŚtaking off her maskâŚand sure enough, there was the face of Vaggieâs past self: short white hair, both eyes intact. Vaggieâs shadow morphed into a towering angel with outstretched wings and a halo, covering Charlie standing frightened against the golden Sera statue.
Sera held up a hand. She sighed and took a deep breath. Sadness flashed in her eyes.
Sera gasped softly as a horrific vision flashed before her eyes: Sera watching Lilith run from the garden, Lucifer and Lilith falling to Hell, Adam being promoted to his Exorcist statusâŚ
Worst of all was the Tree of Knowledge of Good and EvilâŚEve eating a glowing red apple, her eyes rolling over and her gasping for breath. Lucifer and Lilith watching in surprise as black tendrils branched off from inside the treeâŚentering into Eveâs mouth. The Earth being split as Sera and the angel elders watched the black tendrils snake across the Earthâs surface, spreading shadows and darkness. Red eyes appearing everywhere and a dark being morphing into a familiar pentagram planet.
Sera caught a glimpse of Eveâs face, hair obscuring her eyes. Then, her hair parted, revealing unnaturally large orange-red eyes, sharp teeth, and more black tendrils coming out of the eye sockets and mouth. The creature grinned and put a finger to her lips.
Just as quickly, it was gone. Sera shook as eyes appeared on her hair, dress, and teal blue ones on her crown. She breathed again and the eyes disappeared. She moved her hands over her eyes for a moment, letting out a soft choked gasp.
âIâm sorryâŚbut this court finds that there is no evidence that souls in Heaven can be redeemed.â
Charlie and Vaggie gasped in disbelief.
Adam posed and did rocker hand gestures. âOh f**k yes! I win!â He pointed at Charlie and Vaggie. âSuck it b*****s!â He flipped the bird with both fingers. Charlie and Vaggie backed up in fear as Adam advanced. âYou better save the date, c***s! âCuz weâre coming to your hotelâŚFIRST.â
Lute winked through her mask and Adam showed a demonic smile of yellow teeth before he snapped his fingers.
A glowing swirling golden portal appeared behind Charlie and Vaggie, sucking them back to Hell.
âYou mother fuâŚâ Vaggie began, as Charlie yelled a desperate, âWhat? No!â The women screamed as they vanished through the portal. The portal soon vanished and Adam waved.
Emily cried, âCharlie! Donât give up on this! Iâll figure something out! I promise!â
Sera was not pleased. âThat was uncalled for, Adam!â
Adam merely swaggered and laughed. âYeah, but did you see the looks on their f***ing faces?! It was d-dâŚâ He paused in embarrassment at the council giving him looks. âAhem, sorry.â
Adam, Lute, and the council then flew off, leaving the Seraphim sisters alone up top.
Emily turned away from Sera, tears in her eyes. âExterminationâŚof human souls?!â She turned around. âDemon or not, there is no reason to be doing this!â
More eyes appeared on Seraâs hair, dress, and crown before blinking away. âThey were uprising, Emily. It is my position as the Head Seraphim to protect our people at all costs.â She held Emilyâs hands in hers. âAnd itâs your position to keep them happy and joyful.â
Emily pulled away. âHow can I bring joy when I now know we are bringing misery to thousands of innocent people?â
Sera explained. âHeaven needs us, Emily. Everyone looks to us. And we canât doubt ourselves or worry about the fates of demons when we have our own souls to protect.â
Sera then looked at Emily in the eyes, hiding a deep fear. âPleaseâŚif you start to question, you could end up like Lucifer: FALLEN. I couldnât bear to see you suffer that fate. So please, let me worry about this, okay?â
Sera lightly kissed Emily on the head, cupping her cheeks before sadly muttering, âIâm sorry.â
Sera left. Emily glanced down at Adamâs gold piece of paper and put her hand on it. She hoped that Charlie and her friends could help figure things out.
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Hazbin Hotel Season 1 Episode 1 "Overture"/"The Dickmaster"
Part One: âOvertureâ
Charlie sat solemnly on a long red couch in the Hazbin Hotel, gazing out the window. There were a few pillows next to her, one with a gold eye design. Her suit and pants matched the red color of the couch, though her undershirt was white, her high heels were white and black, and her bowtie was black. Contrasting the red color of her clothing was her white face with red spots on her cheeks and her long blonde hair in a thick braid. Behind Charlie was a small striped circus tent decorated with strings of lights. A white plant pot had a snake design curled around it. A round sign outside read âWelcome to Hellâ and the sky was its usual crimson red. A glowing red pentagram hovered over the city, hence its name Pentagram City. Charlie stared sadly at the nearby city buildings; many of them were on fire, smoke rising through the air. The streets were littered with broken glass, burned debrisâŚand a few leftover mangled demon corpses in puddles of blood.
The extermination had happened againâŚseven days ago.
Every year, the Exorcist angel Amazon-like women, led by Adam, came down to Hell to mercilessly slaughter as many Sinners as they could find. (The Hellborns and the royal family were spared, due to Luciferâs deal). But despite the agreement, they didnât care whether demons were young, or old; Sinner or Hellborn: all demons were scum to them, and they relished in their bloodshed. It was Adam and Heavenâs way of saying to Lucifer: âLook what your search of free will for humanity has led you too: deranged humans who brought their sins upon themselves! Now they have to die as punishmentâŚto keep Heaven safe from their numbers and influence.â Charlie could still remember the bloodcurdling screams of the Sinners from outside. She was thankful that she and her friends were safe insideâŚthough still feeling guilty about being helpless to save her people once again.
Charlie was feeling more lonely than usual. Not too long ago, her father Lucifer had considered her Happy Hotel project a failure. He had somberly suppressed his former dreams for so long, he had closed himself off from his daughterâs own dreams. Charlie had further been mocked on live TV after presenting her hotel idea, and her mother Lilith had not been answering her calls. In fact, she had been missing from her life for quite some time. Where had she gone?
âCharlie,â called a familiar voice from behind her.
Charlie turned around with a gasp, dropping the black Sinnerâs Key on the couch. In a puff of red smoke, the key morphed into a small black and white cyclops cat named KeeKee, who meowed and scampered off. Over the double doors was a glowing chandelier and glass decorated with a large eye and two small apples.
âOh shit, were you here the whole time?â
A woman stepped into the light. âUh, yeah. I was right there,â Vaggie said, mentioning her thumb to the double doors behind her. Vaggie the moth demon, was Charlieâs girlfriend and manager of the hotel. She wore a short black skirt, gray fingerless gloves, and a short red shirt with a black collar and black buttons. She wore a small black collar around her neck and a slightly worn large red bow tie in her hair. Her skin was light gray, and her white hair spread down past her waist, ending in gray stripes resembling moth wings. Her right eye was yellow with light orange sclera and her left eye was covered by her hair, a patch, and a glaring red X over it. She also wore gray leggings over her legs.
Charlie was thankful to have her faithful companion with her, for Vaggie served not only as her girlfriend, but a protector and a grounding contrast to Charlieâs exuberant nature.
âSorry,â Charlie said. âI get pre-tty worked up after an extermination happens.â She glanced back toward the window. âStaring helps.â
Vaggie briefly blinked and gave a chuckle. âI know. Donât worry, I enjoy your moments of quiet. And your moments of theatrics. Are you okay?â
âIâm fine,â Charlie replied, as Vaggie sat down next to her. âJustâŚthinking, yaâ know? Family stuff.â
Vaggie frowned, glancing to the side. âDid youâŚhear from your mom yet?â
Charlie shook her head sadly.
âOof,â Vaggie replied, blowing a bang of her white hair and a sigh. âHow long has it been now?â
âNot that long. OnlyâŚsevenâŚyearsâŚâ Charlie exaggerated with a strained smile. She stood up, hands together, moving toward the giant eye-shaped window. âOff doing something important, Iâm sure! But this kingdom was something she really cared about. Something I care about.â
Vaggie took Charlieâs hands in hers. âWell, at least you arenât alone.â
Charlie smiled. âI just hope what Iâm trying to do here will work.â
The two women sat down. Vaggie tenderly touched Charlieâs cheek with her hand. âIt will. I have faith in you.â
Charlie smiled as KeeKee the cat hopped into her lap. Keekeeâs ears had black tips and a white heart in the center.
Vaggie stood up. âAll right, come on. Alastor says he has something to show us.â
Charlie froze in place as she heard the ominous tolling of the golden angel clock tower outside. It had a glowing halo on top, eye designs on the tower and clock faces with pentagrams on them. Under that was a giant glowing hourglass and a counter that showed the number of days until the next extermination. Four imposing black Exorcist statues were posed like gargoyles around the four corners under the clocks. Charlie shuddered before following Vaggie.
0 0 0
An old-fashioned TV buzzed with spiky static before showing a red shirtless demon with a spiked collar and bat wings stabbing a red imp with a dagger.
âWell, hello there you wayward Sinner!â came the radio voice of Alastor. The camera showed his hand pointing at the demons. Â âDo you like blood, violence, and depravity of a sexual nature?â The demons looked at Alastor, the tall red demon posed with his head in thought. âOf course you do! Thatâs why youâre in Hell!â
The camera panned back to show buildings torn, on fire, and in pieces on the ground near a barbed wire fence. An overturned purple arrow sign with faded round lights read âNO TURNING BACK.â One building part had several purple eyes on it.
Alastor waved his hand and more demons popped up: a female cyclops wearing black BDSM clothing, a demon with horns, four eyes and dragon features, a red horned demon with two eyes, a small, one-eyed brown cat and an upside-down demon shaped like a grenade.
âBut what would you say if I told you there was a place to stay that had none of that?â
The screen buzzed and switched to the Hazbin Hotel building. Arrows pointed to Alastorâs glowing red radio tower off to the side. There was a carousel, a Titanic-shaped boat and a âNO VACANCYâ sign as part of the decorative structures. A retro theater sign above the front doors read âNOW PLAYING.â The doors were decorated with designs of circus tents on the glass.
âWelcome to the Hazbin Hotel! A misguided path to redemption! Founded five days ago by Luciferâs delusional daughter, Charlotte Morningstar!â
The screen showed Charlie nervously smiling and waving at the camera. Angel Dust posed next to her with a grin, making his pink gloved fingers into horns around her head and his two other white hands into peace signs. The clip shifted to Charlie showing a dismissive Katie Killjoy a drawing of the hotel, a rainbow on the top and stick figure demons smiling on the bottom. Charlie pointed to the sky, while Katie Killjoy narrowed her eyes, a cigarette between her fingers.
âCome place your fate in her inexperienced hands as she tries to work through her daddy issues by fixing you!â
Several pictures, one on top of the other showed Charlie posing in front of a crime board with a drawing of a demon with puppies, a rainbow with hearts and an âevidence indexâ card on the board. The next showed Charlie with tears in her eyes as Lucifer posed under a red spotlight, apple cane raised. Charlie was then shown posing with an instructional stick in her hand next to a white board that read â1. SORRY, 2. A red heart, yellow stars, pink hearts, and a rainbow, 3. PLEASE, 4. THANK YOU.â
The hotel doors opened and showed Charlieâs flying goat bodyguards Razzle and Dazzle sweeping and dusting the lobby.
âFUN THINGSâ spiraled onto the screen in yellow. âHere we offer fun things, such asâŚâ
The camera zoomed in to show the grumpy cat Husk with black eyes and small yellow iris slouched at his bar. He had a black top hat with red trim, a large red bowtie, black and dark red wings with a red outline and dots decorating them. His eyebrows were long and red with black stripes on the ends. His pointed cat ears had a small red heart design inside each. A black bug crawled on the table. âCONCIERGEâ was shown on the top of the bar stand and the highest part was decorated with large deer skulls with rows of long sharp teeth among melted white candles. âBeelyjuiceâ and a beer mug and wine glass glowed in neon colors on the wall near a pool table. There were three red bar stools and the bottom of the stand showed two green 7s and a red apple in a slot machine style.
ââŚsomewhat functional staff!â
Husk crashed his head on the table in a drunken stupor. Niffty glanced at the black bug crawling over Husk, a sewing needle in her hand as a weapon. The cyclops had white skin, short red-pink hair with a yellow streak in it, and a 1950âs maid pink dress with a white lacy center and a black poodle design on her dress. Pink stains were at the top near her chest. Her large eye was dark orange with a black pupil.
Niffty jabbed at the bug with her sewing needle.
ââŚand twenty-four-hour pest control!â
âPEST CONTROLâ blinked in yellow.
âCustom roomsâŚâ
âCUSTOM ROOMSâ blinked in yellow after appearing on a dismal bathroom stall, showing a white toilet and red eyes on the red walls.
âAnd just look at this tacky parlor!â
The main room had a fireplace and mantle. The fireplace was round, with two skeletons curled on either side. A large eye design was in the center of the mantle. Over the mantle were two crossed canes and golden curved snakes below them, making Luciferâs sigil. Two elephant lights were on either side. The red wallpaper was decorated with Luciferâs sigil surrounded by six angel wings. The wall borders showed eyes with gold wings on either side. KeeKee was posed on a table near an old-fashioned radio of Alastorâs near plant vines. An old boxy TV stood off to the side, complete with knobs. Angel Dust lounged on a nearby couch, wearing his usual white and pink suit with a black bowtie and high black boots. He had white fur, spider-like limbs, pink dots under his eyes and a sharp golden fang among his teeth. A wooden plank collapsed to the floor, making the cat hiss and scamper off the table in fright. The red wallpaper had several tears in it.
Alastor spoke sarcastically. âEnjoy riveting conversation with our singular resident!â
Angel Dust noticed Alastor and glared, flipping him the bird.
âWOW!â spun onto the screen in bold red with a yellow spiky background. âWow!â Alastor added.
A drawing appeared, showing the hotel and various signs made by Alastor: âShip I guess,â â$1,â âDANGER HOTEL!â âSALEâ âBest partâ (pointing to the radio tower), âHAHA I NAMED IT!â â50% OFF,â âneat.â âNO TACKY CIRCUS DĂCOR! PROMISE!â Several signs showed Alastorâs creepy grin drawings.
âAll this, and more at the Hazbin Hotel, your last desperate attempt at salvation starts here!â
The screen showed the building sign up on the roof and with yellow words: âCALL NOW! OR DONâT, I DONâT CARE! WE STILL DONâT HAVE A WORKING PHONE!â
The screen clicked off as Alastor tuned the knob.
Alastor with a large smug grin turned around. âSo, what do you think?â
Vaggie and Charlie sat dumbfounded on the red couch. The couch had three eyes designs on the top golden frame, the armrests and outside structure curved like horns. Alastor wore his 1920âs red torn tailcoat with vertical pink stripes, a black bowtie with a red center and a red undershirt with an upside down black cross design. He had red long sleeves, black gloves with red tips, and a red monocle near his right eye. His hair was red and black, with thick deer ears pointing up. Small black deer horns curved upwards from the center of his head. His black shoes had red deer tracks on the bottom. In his left hand was his magic red old-fashioned radio microphone with a red eye in the center. His eyes were many shades of crimson.
âIâm sorry, what the fuck was that?!â Vaggie fumed.
Charlie did a strained grin, and held up a finger, trying not to upset anyone. âUh yeah, one note, Alastor. I mean, first off, thank you so much for making thisâŚseriously amazingâŚbut umâŚâ she moved her hands. âBut maybe the tone is a bitâŚoff.â Alastor narrowed his eyes and tilted his head, a wide grin of yellow sharp teeth plastered on his face.
Charlie continued, âWe want people to come here. This makes it lookâŚumâŚâ
âBad,â Vaggie deadpanned, folding her arms. She turned to Charlie. âThe word youâre looking for is âbad.ââ
âFunny. I was going for hilarious!â Alastor exclaimed, craning his neck.
âIt didnât explain anything about how weâre trying to save demons from extermination, which is the whole fucking point!â Vaggie chided.
âVaggie is right, Alastor,â said Charlie. âThe commercial was to let Sinners know we are trying to help them.â
âWell, my dear, I havenât been active in Hell for some time,â said Alastor, moving his fingers along his microphone staff. He paced and tilted his head. ââŚand everyone remembers me from my radio show, the proper medium to express oneself.â
Alastor paced back again and pointed at the TV with his staff, a glare in his eyes. âBut you insisted on this noisy picture box of advertisementâŚâ He tapped the TV twice with his staff, ââŚso I had a little fun with it.â
âOh fun? You had a little fun with it?â Vaggie angrily stood up, hands on her hips. âWell, this not what we want to represent us! When you showed up here a week ago, you told us you would help run this hotel. Instead, youâre mocking us.â She spread out her arms. âNobodyâs gonna wanna come to a place that a powerful Overlord like you thinks is a waste of time!â
Angel Dust casually raised one of his pink gloved hands.
âWhat?â Vaggie asked with a glare, facing Angel Dust, and sitting on the armrest.
Angel Dust posed with his long legs in the air before sitting up. âIf youâre filming a commercial, can I suggest you take better advantage of the talented celebrity you have right here?â
Angel Dust grinned, pointing at himself with three hands, holding a beer bottle in his fourth and moving one leg on top of his other one.
Vaggie was not amused. âAngel, youâre a porn star.â
âA famous porn star! Iâll have the horniest sinners knocking these walls down to get in!â He pointed to his lower regions.
âWe are not filming a porn as a commercial!â
âWhy not? Sex sells, donât it?â Angel Dust made a money gesture with his hand. Alastor materialized near the couch from shadow. Angel Dust continued. âI swear, if you film me going at it with Mr. fancy talk creepy voice here, youâd be rolling in participants willing to stay at this tacky hotel.â
Alastor laughed forcefully and then deadpanned to Angel Dust, âNever going to happen.â
Charlie added, âAngel, I appreciate you wanting to use your âspecial skillsâ to, um, attract folks to the hotel, but, I really donât want to exploit youâŚin that way.â
Angel Dust grinned. âOh please, baby. This body was made to be exploited.â He waved a dismissive hand and posed. âI got the arms, I got the stamina, I got the legs, I got the lung capacity.â He laughed, legs in the air. âOh, I got the legs! The gag reflex, the holes, the chest fluff everyone thinks are tits.â
Charlie glanced down at her cell phone, which showed an icon of Lucifer as a rubber dusk with âDad is calling, slide to answerâ below it.
Charlie grabbed her phone, stood up and held up a finger. âHold that thought! Iâll be right back.â Her phone blared out a circus theme.
Angel Dust leaned against the armrest. âI could keep going all night, baby!â
Charlie took a deep breath and swiped to the right, holding the phone to her ear. âHello? Dad?â
âHey, I have a question,â Angel Dust said to Vaggie. He mentioned to Alastor. âIf freaky face over there is so powerful, then why canât he just make people stay here?â
Alastor chuckled, âOh trust meâŚâ He spoke in a low voice, his eyes glowing red, black antlers branching out, his face darkening, ââŚI can.â
âWhy do you think Iâm here?â Husk scoffed from the bar. âYou actually think Iâd be cleaning bottles and listening to you fucks bitch and moan all the time if he wasnât forcing me?â
âI like being forced!â exclaimed a smiling Niffty, raising her hand from beside Husk.
âKeep that to yourself, Nif,â Husk glared.
Angel Dust smirked. âWhat? You donât love being here with me, Whiskers?â
Husk pointed an accusing finger. âCall me Whiskers again and Iâll jam that bottle down your throat.â
Angel Dust grinned, beckoning a pink finger. âKinky. Come on, keep talking dirty.â
Vaggie sighed. âAngel, let Husk do his job. And no, we canât force Sinners to stay here. They need to choose to.â
Angel Dust scowled. âIâm choosing to be here, and I think itâs all stupid. Weâre in Hell, toots. Thatâs kind of the end of the road, ainât it?â
âWell maybe it doesnât have to be,â Vaggie countered. âJust because nobody has made it out before, doesnât mean itâs not possible.â
Angel Dust put a hand on her shoulder. âHey, whatever means I can keep crashing here, rent-free. Crack is expensive.â Vaggie glared.
âYeah, I can, totally, yeah,â said Charlie on the phone. âYes, Iâll head over there right away! Okay!â Charlie hung up and gasped in excitement. âYesâŚYES!â
She waved her arms around the corner. âVaggie! Holy shit!â
Vaggie gasped. âWhat?â
Charlie mentioned to Vaggie to come over with her arm. âGet over here!â Vaggie sighed with a grin, wondering what her girlfriend had gotten into this time. Charlie bounced up and down as Vaggie folded her arms. Angel Dust guzzled down his alcohol in the background. Circus tent-shaped lights glowed above them.
âWhat? Whatâs going on?â Vaggie asked as Charlie bounced up and down.
âOh, my dad just called. He said that the leader of the Angel Army wants to meet.â She pulled Vaggie close, face to face. âHe asked if I could go instead.â
âWhy? Hasnât he been to the meetings before?â
âI donât know.â
âBut the extermination just happened not too long ago. What could they want this soon after? If this meetingâs important, why canât you and your dad go together?â
Charlie ignored Vaggie and instead burst into song.
âI can do this! Somehow, I know it!â
She waved her hand by a sphere of light shining through the windows.
âIâll get Heaven behind my plans!â
Vaggie put a hand to her head and reached out to her girlfriend with concern.
âCharlie, hold onâŚâ
Charlie swayed to the side.
âThereâs just no way I could blow it. Not this once-in-a-lifetime chance!â
She spun around and stood by the winding red stairs in front of the group, arms spread out. Niffty peered happily from a corner.
âItâs just a meeting,â Vaggie reminded her.
âTo change their minds, and touch their hearts, orâŚwhatever angels have!â
Vaggie groaned. âThis could be bad...â
âCheer up, Vaggie!â
Charlie raced over and held her hands.
âThis could be swell.â
She spun Vaggie around in a dance.
âSomething tells me that today will be a happy day in Hell!â
Vaggie held her nose as she recovered from getting dizzy. âOkay, but just donât sing to them. In fact, donât sing out inâŚâ
Angel Dust grinned. âThat bitch is halfway down the street!â
Alastor looked on in amusement through the open front doors, Niffty smiled, and KeeKee hovered in the air.
âIs sheâŚ?â Vaggie began.
Angel Dust smirked and remarked, âOh, sheâs dancinâ!â He chugged his drink.
Vaggie put her hand to her face and groaned. âUgh, noâŚâ
0 0 0
Charlie happily strolled down the street as chaos flared and bellowed around her. Torn poster of Exorcists lay ominously against telephone poles, with leftover bones of slaughtered demons nearby. A few broken Exorcist weapons lay in pieces, with blood splattered against various walls. Bodies off to the side were haphazardly tossed into a dumpster. A black demon and a three-eyed demon screamed as they were on fire. A hot pink car with the front in the design of monster teeth had been overturned against a storefront, fire and smoke blazing from it. A store window was broken, with an overturned gold and red stool. Small Venus Fly Trap plants sat with red leaves in a square pot. More dead corpses of green bug-like demons lay sprawled on the street or hung from a wrought iron gate, revealing spines, and dripping blood. More buildings were on fire and a lamppost with black points on top lay on the ground.
âThereâs a warm, fuzzy feeling
That wafts through the air
Every street so revealing. Itâs hard not to stare!â
Charlie spun around on a lamppost and peered through a window. She stared in disgust at a sex dungeon. A red hellhound was humping a pink imp on a pink couch. A display of condoms, whips, chains, and ball gags lined the nearby wall, pink neon lights glowing. The hellhound wore an orange jacket and spiked collar. The imp had a pink spiked collar, a black mask, black pants, and a ball gag in their mouth. They both glanced at Charlie, and she awkwardly hurried away to sing some more.
âItâs a realm so appealing it beats anywhere.
If you donât mind the smellâŚâ
Charlie jumped back, having accidentally stepped into the remains of a rotten dead shark demon on the street.
âItâs a happy day in Hell!â
âHi mister!â Charlie waved with a smile.
âGo fuck yourself!â yelled a yellow aquatic demon with horns. He was sitting on a bench with a newspaper. Underneath the newspaper, it was shown he had a spoonful of meth.
A gray demon with antlers, and three yellow eyes sang mournfully as he opened the windows of his burning apartment.
âThereâs an endless trash fire thatâs burning my soulâŚâ
âHello!â Charlie called.
An imp with striped horns stood mischievously on a tall fat demon wearing a worn orange jacket, a black shirt, a worn smiley face, and what looked like a light orange sack mask on his face.
âAnd a ton of barbed wire to shove in his hole!â the imp sang.
âAh, excuse me!â
Charlie accidentally bumped into a large, gray-skinned executioner demon from behind her. He was carrying a red ax, wore a black cloth over his face, wore a pink spiked bracelet and had pink dangling things on his heart-shaped nipples.
âDoing what is required, we all have our role.â The executioner added lowly in song.
âIâm not doinâ well!â added a yellow slouched dragon demon wearing a beanie hat and a dagger lodged in his eye. The dragon fell backward.
âAnother shitty day in Hell!â sang a line of demons.
Charlie climbed onto a car.
âIf I can show them the dreams Iâve dreamed
That any soul can change!â
Back at the Hazbin Hotel, Vaggie climbed to the top of a mast on a boat. She called out in song: âThose angelsâ minds are hard to change!â
Charlie continued.
âThen they will know everyone can be redeemed,
From the evil to the strange!â
Vaggie hung from the rope, warning Charlie: âTheyâre bloodthirsty and deranged!â
Charlie, of course, didnât hear her, so she continued.
âI can hear all their stories
The lost and displacedâŚâ
Charlie climbed down from the car and glanced at a horned demon holding dollar bills and a green demon carrying the body of an ant-like demon. A fat purple demon sat in a stupor on a barrel with a beer bottle in his hand and vomit running down his mouth, his face sickly green.
âAnd I know that theyâre more of an acquired tasteâŚâ
Charlie flinched at several demons hung dead by ropes from a lamppost.
âBut! If I open the doorâŚâ
She opened a truck doorâŚ
 ââŚand I give them a placeâŚâ
A dead crocodile demon fell out of the seat onto the ground.
âAt my Hazbin Hotel. It will be a happy day in Hell!â
Charlie swung over the bloody corpse and came to the back of the mangled magenta truck of drugs: âItâs all Coke!â
Charlie grinned as she hitched a ride on a red truck, the front of it with a design of sharp teeth and the lights like slanted eyes. The driver was a purple demon wearing a worn construction suit. On the side of the red truck it read, âHelluva Postâ and â666 Postâ on the license plate. The side showed a logo of an envelope with an eye and bat wings on it, plus black imp horns with white stripes.
Near a building with art of pink hearts and a needle on a wall, a green aquatic demon stood smoking a cigarette. A neon bold sign advertised Voxâs V Tower, his place of residence that looked like a large pink TV antenna with six upside-down bowl layers and strings of lights decorating the satellite dish at the top.
âFrom the Porn Studio
To where the cinephiles goâŚâ
A drooling Travis, a brain in a jar demon, a large cricket, a feline demon, and others stood mesmerized in front of TV screens.
âTo watch award winning demon bukkake shows!â (Demons ejaculating on other demons)
Charlie hopped off the truck and landed in an old-time town where elegant demons wore clothing from 1920âs and earlier. They wore suits, dresses, fancy ladiesâ hats with feathers, hair in large curls, top hats, and the like. âCAANIBAL TOWNâ was shown on a nearby sign with a glowing red eye and surrounded by black spikes. A woman wore a long fancy lacy black dress and carried a fan in her hands. A man in a brown suit and a woman wearing a pink dress and bloodstained fur on her shoulders walked arm in arm down the street. They all had pale skin, black eyes, and white sharp grins of sharp teeth. A man and a woman romantically slurped a line of pink intestines into each otherâs mouths like Lady and the Tramp. Charlie could see why Alastor and Rosie loved this place so much.
âTo the Cannibal Town. Where they donât wear a frown becauseâŚâ
Charlie flinched back and yelled as blood shot into her eye. She froze in horror as several demons chomped and munched on hands, organs, and other body parts in a pool of blood.
âHoly shit! Ew, my gosh! WHY?!â
Charlie ran off and recovered, wiping her eye.
âAnd I donât give a crow thatâŚ
His brainâs got in my eye!
Cause I know I can spare them. From Heavenâs genocide!
I can do this; I just know it!â
(âThereâs an endless trash fire thatâs burning my soulâ) sang the previous apartment demon.
âIâll get Heaven behind my plans!
Thereâs just no way I could blow it.â
(âI kinda like the barbed wire thatâs shoved in my hole!â) admitted the fat orange demon, with the imp grinning wickedly next to him.
âNot this once-in-a-lifetime chance!
To change their mindsâŚâ
Charlie bumped into a large brown fat slug demon.
âAnd touch my parts!â the slug grinned, opening his trench coat, and showing her his nude body.
âUh, no thank you. Iâm just gonnaâŚâ Charlie held out her hands and shuffled away in disgust before finishing, âFulfill my destiny!â
The slug narrowed his eyes and shrugged. âYour loss, bitch!â
âI can already tellâŚâ Charlie slowly made her way up the steps. A horned demon was aiming a pistol at an orange demon and shot him in the face. A gray demon with green spiked hair and long maroon jacket was waving a spiked club at a flinching demon that looked like a pink and purple stuffed rabbit, with a purple button eye and one ear missing. He bashed at the rabbitâs head, blood splattering out.
âThat today is gonna be a fucking happy day in Heeeellllll!â
Charlie held onto the âHeeellllâ long note and soon spread her arms out.
The golden Heaven Embassy building towered over her, gleaming gold like an out of place church. The stained-glass windows showed Christian Crosses and images of wheels with white wings and eyes. The doorknobs were shaped like bronze half suns. Even the fences were golden and shaped like Exorcist spears and eyes. The highest steeple was the clock tower with the large hourglass of glowing sand, the imposing Exorcist gargoyle statues up top, and the pentagram clockfaces. The number read 358 days. The building also had a large glowing angel halo on top.
0 0 0
Husk, Niffty, and Angel Dust sat together on the red couch, while Alastor sat in a nearby red chair. Angel Dustâs long legs hung over the armrest. Huskâs eye twitched in anger as he glared at Angel Dustâs sultry expression.
Vaggie paced in front of the group. âYes, okay, so, Charlieâs dealing with something very important, so while sheâs gone, we are making a new commercial that represents her vision and what weâre doing here. So, we need a camera.â She held out a hand. âAlastor?â
Alastor smiled and snapped his fingers. In a flash of green light, a red and black 1930âs folding camera with no film appeared in her hands. It was decorated with golden antlers.
âA video camera,â Vaggie glared.
âHmm.â Alastor snapped his fingers again, and in green light, an old video camera with an eye lens appeared in her hands, with tape and a Band-Aid stuck to it.
âAlright! Letâs do this!â Vaggie said with excitement. Soon, she had positioned the camera to show Angel Dust and Husk sitting at the bar.
âAndâŚAction!â Vaggie called, pointing a finger forward.
Husk stared in annoyance at the script papers in his hand while Angel Dust rested his head in one pink gloved hand, elbow on the counter.
Husk pressed the script to his face as he read in monotone: ââWelcome to the Hazbin Hotel. Can I help you with anything?ââ
Angel Dust put a finger to his chin and smirked playfully as he leaned toward Husk. He cupped Huskâs chin.
ââIâve been a bad boy and I need a big strong daddy to put me in my placeâŚon the path to redemption!ââ He pointed upwards.
Husk rolled his eyes as he read the next line.
ââWell, you comeâŚââ
Angel Dust leaned back and let out a sultry moan⌠âOh yes!â
Husk glared at Angel Dust. âââŚto the right place.ââ
âCut!â Vaggie called. She slouched and groaned. âOkay, Angel, I need you to be less horny if possible, and Husk, can you maybe not have a script in front of your face?â
Husk wasnât happy. âI ainât no actor! I canât memorize this shit!â
âWell, we can improv this shit, baby cakes.â Angel Dust mused, putting a hand on Huskâs cheek. âRawwr.â
Husk shoved Angel Dust hard with his paw off the bar counter. He shrugged. âWhoops.â
âHusk, come on,â chided Vaggie as Husk guzzled down his alcohol in a bottle.
0 0 0
Sometime later, Niffty was gleefully trying to stab at a four red-eyed black bug with her sewing needle. Vaggie went on her knees down to Nifftyâs level.
âUm, alright, Niffty, Niffty,â Vaggie held her arm to stop her from stabbing. She placed her hands on her shoulders.
âNiffty. Your line is âwe have the cleanest rooms?â okay?â
Niffty stood up and smiled. âOkay, got it! Iâm ready!â
Vaggie stood up and turned the camera on, pointing it at Niffty.
âAction!â
Nifftyâs smile fell, and she stared blankly into the camera with her large red-orange eye. Her arms went limp at her sides. Vaggie and Angel Dust stared in confusion as Niftyâs iris grew smaller and smaller.
âUhâŚcut,â Vaggie said.
Niffty then shook her head and smiled again, spreading out her black arms. âHow was that?!â
âWell, Niffty, you actually have to say the line, so letâs roll again.â
Niffty nodded rapidly and made two fists. âOkay.â
âAction!â
Niffty stared blankly again.
âYouâre doing great, Vagina!â Angel Dust whispered to Vaggie with a smug expression.
âCut!â Vaggie yelled, standing next to a red bed. âAlright, uh, maybe we can try to fix it in post.â She folded her arms.
Angel Dust asked, âDo you even know what that means?â
âIâll figure it out!â Vaggie bellowed. Angel Dust held up his hands.
Later that night, Vaggie slouched in a red chair in the dark, watching static from the old-fashioned box TV.
âWelcome to the Hazbin HotelâŚâ came Huskâs monotone voice from the TV.
âUrgh!â Vaggie groaned, hands covering her face, camera in her lap. Wanting some peace and quiet, she had turned out the lights, but the glare from the TV wasnât helping. Her heart sank; Charlie would surely be disappointed at this half-assed commercial. She was the hotel manager, and she felt a great responsibility to help make her girlfriendâs dreams come true.
âIf only I wasnât surrounded by a bunch of asshole self-absorbed idiots,â she thought.
âSeems like youâre having a bit of a trouble there, hmm?â
Vaggie glared at the smirking Radio Demon, who had popped out of nowhere. He looked at her and moved to either side of the chair.
âUgh, este pendejo (ugh, this asshole). Why are you even here?â she asked in annoyance.
Alastor settled down onto the couch, one leg over the other.
âFor the entertainment. I came here because I love seeing wasteful souls struggle to accomplish something meaningful and fail spectacularly, like you are doing now!â Alastorâs shadow crouched menacingly behind the couch with glowing red eyes, extended antlers, and a wide grin as Alastor talked. âGood job!â Alastor added with a mocking wave of his fisted hand and arm.
Vaggie stood up, aiming her camera at him. âAnd here is Alastor, the egocentric piece of shit thatâŚugh!â
Vaggie gasped in fright as Alastor glitched on the screen. The screen flashed red, and the camera fizzled out and sparked with green electric magic. Vaggie let go and it toppled to the ground, smoke curling from it.
âI wouldnât try that, my dear,â Alastor warned in a low radio voice. Vaggie froze, terrified. Alastorâs shadow grinned behind him. âThis face was made for radio.â He tilted his head and neck and his eyes turned black with red radio dials moving where his pupils were. Brief static and red voodoo symbols flashed across reality.
Vaggie recovered and stood up again. âThatâs it.â She made a swiping motion with her hand, then pointing a finger at Alastor. âI donât care who or what you are. If youâre staying here, youâre going to make this work, because it wonât be so âentertaining,â (she waved her fingers) to watch over an empty hotel, will it, shitass!â Vaggie stomped away, but Alastor just stood there, hands folded behind him. A plan was conjuring in his mind.
âFair enough,â he shrugged. He strolled over to her. âIâll tell you what. Letâs make a deal.â
Vaggie turned around and sat down.
âPfft, you think Iâm that stupid making a deal with a demon like you?â
Alastor rolled his red eyes and waved a dismissive hand.
âNot for your soul, just a simple deal. I do this for youâŚâ He leaned in toward Vaggie, ââŚand you never ask me to engage with this frivolous television technology ever again.â He turned around and grinned. âOr Charlie can come back to absolutely nothing.â He turned his head around to smirk at Vaggie, his grin glowing. âYour choice.â
âJust this once,â thought Vaggie, pushing down her fear. This commercial was important, and Charlie needed her help.
Vaggie sighed, closed her eyes, and held out a hand. âFine.â She picked up the camera and placed it in Alastorâs hands. The camera glowed an eerie green as green skulls of magic swirled around it.
âNow then,â Alastor said, clamping his hands together. The camera disappeared and he snapped his fingers. The lights flicked back on. Angel Dust, Husk, and Niffty materialized into the room in green light, with a new video camera with two eyes on top, a round green stage light and a directorâs chair. Alastor now had a worn red top hat on his head and a red tuxedo suit, much shorter than his usual one, one red part hanging tail-like behind his back. Vaggie gasped as Alastorâs voodoo shadow minions appeared around her. One wore headphones and held an attached remote. A thin one held a hanging microphone with its pointed tail and a small camera. The third sat in a small wooden directorâs chair while holding a white megaphone. The fourth had Xs over its eyes, carrying another hanging microphone and wearing headphones and a worn baseball cap.
Angel Dust and Niffty looked on in amazement as their clothing changed in green swirling light. Niffty now wore a flapper style dress, light red on top, dark red in the middle and light red and straight on the bottom. She wore a big dark orange ladiesâ hat with an orange rim and a small yellow flower decorating the top. Angel Dust admired his pink 1920âs suit with a dark pink necktie, buttons on the front, a white hat with a black rim and long white pants. Husk slouched as black and red sleeves and pants appeared on him.
Vaggie smiled, standing proud. She soon wore a gray wavy flapper dress, mostly dark gray but with light gray at the bottom. The top had a pink wavy rim. She wore a large black ladiesâ hat with a red rim, red flower, a red foxtail, and two red feathers sticking up from the middle. She also wore white gloves. âAlright, everyone, letâs make a fucking commercial!â
For once, Vaggie was pleased with Alastorâs created outfit for her.
After many hours of practicing, pain, and process, they were finally successful.
âWelcome to the Hazbin Hotel,â Vaggie began as the group stood in front of the hotel with their 1920âs outfits. 1920âs jazz music played.
âFounded by Luciferâs daughter Charlie, the princess of Hell.â
The double doors opened. âCome check in here and see our new cozy parlor room.â KeeKee was sleeping on a table next to a radio.
âMeet our first resident, Angel Dust.â Angel Dust posed. Â âHeâs staying here in the hopes of getting clean and becoming a better person.â
âStill just stayinâ here rent-free,â Angel Dust whispered, earning a glare from Vaggie.
The scene shifted to Angel Dust and Husk at the bar. Husk managed to say his lines without holding the scripts, though he was still grumpy.
âWelcome to the Hazbin Hotel. Can I help you with anything?ââ
âIâve been a bad boy and I need a strong daddy to put me in my placeâŚon the path to redemption!â He pointed upwards.
Husk rolled his eyes.
ââWell, you comeâŚââ
âOh yes!â Angel Dust moaned.
Husk glared at Angel Dust again. âââŚto the right place.ââ
âIn that case, Iâll just check in to one of these fabulous roomsâŚI could always go for private time in bed.â
Husk looked at the camera. âHave a drink. Itâs on the house. Or come over to play cards or whatever. UmâŚI do magic shows too.â
Niffty appeared in the bedrooms. âWe have the cleanest rooms! No trace of bedbugs, dirt, or any kind of mess!â Niffty stabbed at a black bug with her sewing needle and popped it gleefully into her mouth. âJust ring the bell and youâll have instant fast room service!â Niffty darted around as she cleaned the rest of the room.
Vaggie moved the camera over to Alastor, who just glitched. âErm, we also have a boat, a kitchen, and a radio tower for anyone interested in listening to music or shows.â
Vaggie appeared by a portrait of the royal family.
âWith rumors about exterminations getting worse, the Hazbin Hotel is a safe place where you can stay with your friends and family. Best of all, itâs at no cost! If youâre a Sinner, we can make you a Winner! And with Charlieâs special self-help program, youâll be able to pack your bags to Heaven before you can sayâŚâ
âOh, fuck me!â Angel moaned in the background.Vaggie rolled her eyes.
âCharlie Morningstarâs Happy/Hazbin Hotel! Your path to redemption starts here!â A number appeared next to âCall Now!â 1-800 â 666 â 6666 or 1-666 â RAINBOW. (Yes, our phone actually works, ignore that other commercial!)
It was as good as it was going to get.
0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Part Two: âThe Dickmasterâ
Charlie opened the doors of the Heaven Embassy and peeked inside.
âHello?â
Charlie felt like she was in an abandoned church cathedral. The walls were lavender with Egyptian-style fan designs on it. Exorcist gargoyle-like statues protruded from the walls as well as smaller heads below. The windows on either side of the walls had Christian Crosses on them. A spiral glowing chandelier hung from the tall ceiling. The purple stained-glass windows ahead showed an Ophanim angel wheel with four wings shooting out nine rays into flames below. There were golden couches off to the side in rows.
âHello?â
âHelloooâŚ?â Charlie began again, her voice echoing. âCreepy,â she muttered.
Charlie walked up to the front desk. She tapped a small golden bell to ring it. A golden scroll and a golden feather ink pen hovered in front of her. The glowing scroll read âHeaven Embassy, sign in.â
âOkay, also creepy,â Charlie added as she took the feather pen and signed it. The scroll and pen flew up and disappeared before two twin doors slid open.
Charlie walked into the dark room. The walls were light blue with larger Egyptian fan designs. A globe on a nearby stand had four wings on it. A blue round table had a green outline and several fan-shaped chairs around it.
âUhâŚhello? Is anyone here?â
The lights suddenly switched on. âSup,â came a voice.
âHoly shit!â Charlie cried in surprise, falling over backwards. She stood up, readjusting her hair and pose. Before her were two angels. The taller one was Adam. He was sitting in one of the chairs eating a piece of bloody rib with black hands. His masked face was black, his eyes yellow and his teeth yellow and sharp. He had two curved black horns with pointed gold tips at the bottom. A golden halo with a vertical point in the center was over his head. He wore a high collared white robe with golden sleeves and a gray âAâ in the center of his outfit. The bottom of his robe was decorated with diamonds and a dark gray lower trim. His wings were large and golden, folded behind him. Next to him was his lieutenant Lute, who stood cold and serious, hands folded behind her. She wore an LED mask with an X over the right eye. The horns were black and curved backwards in curls, with thin white stripes on them. Her short gray dress was stained with blood, as were her white/gray gloves and her long white metallic combat boots. Her wings were white with a black outline and two black stripes referencing her high military rank. The halo over her head was black with a black vertical point in the center.
âHi, um, Iâm Charlie,â Charlie recovered. âMy dad asked me if I could meet you.â
âYeah, I know,â Adam replied, eating his rib like a buzzsaw, leaving the bone behind.
âOkay, well itâs nice to meet you,â said Charlie, holding out her hand.
âTotally. Nice to meet you, too,â Adam replied, holding out his black arm. Charlie went over to shake it, but instead her hand passed through his holographic hand which glitched on and off. Charlie flinched back and gasped.
Adam leaned forward with a mischievous grin. âHa! I fucking got you!â He turned to Lute. âDid you fucking see that?â Lute nodded.
He turned back to Charlie. âHa. Good shit.â
Charlie held out her hands. âUhâŚso, wait. You arenât here?â
âNo. You think Iâd come down there?â He laughed. âNo, I mean, I love the vibe, totally, I love your tunes.â He leaned in uncomfortably close and jabbed at her chest with his long finger. âPretty fucking hardcore, donât get me wrong. But itâs such a bummer, man. Everything down there is just so âeughâ ya know?â He chuckled. âEw.â
Charlie brushed it off. âRight. So, Iâm happy weâve got this opportunity to meet. Thereâs a project that Iâve been working on that I really want to talk to you aboutâŚâ
Adam put a finger to Charlieâs lips.
âHey, hey, hey, hey, slow down. Weâve got time. How about we get to know each other a little. Mmm.â He pointed his fingers forward, snapping them. âHow about some lunch? You hungry? I got you.â He posed with two fingers forward. He held up a silver plate with the ribs on it. âHereâs my personal favorite. Youâll love it.â
âUhâŚthanks,â Charlie said. She reached out to take a piece, but her hand passed through the hologram again, the ribs fizzing on and off.
Adam burst into laughter, pointing at her. âI got you again, bitch!â He laughed some more. âFucking hilarious!â Charlie rolled her eyes.
Before Charlie could talk about her project, she soon found herself sitting in boredom and annoyance as Adam boasted about his sex life and misogynistic talks. She propped up herself on her elbows as Adam talked.
âSo, I was playinâ this gig, and for some fuckinâ reason, the Virtue chick was digginâ on the drummer, and itâs like, âdo you know who I am? Iâm fuckinâ Adam. Iâm the original dick!ââ He pointed down to his penis.
âWell, thatâs one way of putting it,â Charlie thought.
âAll dicks descend from me. You think you want drummer dick?â
Lute shook her head.
âNo way!â Adam declared. âIâm the dick-fuckinâ master!â He chewed on a piece of rib, enjoying it. He talked with his mouth full. âSo, anyway, then we fucked and it was awesome. Whatâd you do this weekend?â
âWaitâŚyour name is Adam?â Charlie asked. âLike the first man Adam? That means youâŚâ
Charlie winced. âOooh.â Adam being, well, a dick, was the reason why her mother Lilith had left him. She muttered, âThat explains so much.â
Adam smirked. âI know. I fucking rock.â He did a horned rock gesture with his hand.
âWell, Adam, sir. Mr. Adam, sirâŚâ Charlie began.
Adam smirked. âCall me Dickmaster.â
âAdam. You seem like a smartâŚwell, stand-up guy.â
âUh-huh,â Adam responded, picking his teeth.
âAnd I know you are the leader of the angels. And you are a big thinker, a revolutionary. A-a genius!â
Adam shrugged. âI mean, your words, babe.â
âWho would really love to put his name on something.â
âFucking love putting my name on shit! Shitâs the best!â He banged both fists on the table. âYou shouldâve seen my latest single album. Hot as fire!â He briefly showed an album cover that showed art of himself using his penis to blow fire at a bunch of shadow demons as sexy female angels flew around him. âDick-Re-Masteredâ was in bold gold rocker font on the top. Charlie made a disgusted face, then recovered again.
âWellâŚyour influence could be a solution to our biggest problem!â Charlie said.
âOh, herpes. Yeah, thatâs a bitch,â said Adam.
âNo!â Charlie cried. âOurâŚother biggest problem.â
âOhâŚuhâŚugly people?â He briefly looked at the audience, eyebrow raised with a smirk. âEarth people are hideous.â
âNot thatâŚâ Charlie started.
âMath?â Adam asked. âGlobal warming? Nah, wait, thatâs Earthâs problem. UmmmâŚâ
Adam pondered some more. He soon ran out of ideas and began more sexist rambles. âWhen you take her out for the fifth time, and she still expects you to pay the check but youâre likeâŚâ He did a high-pitched voice, ââHey, I thought you wanted equality!ââ
The plate of ribs was finished in front of him.
âNO!â Charlie yelled in frustration. âOur shared problem of overpopulation in Hell!â
âOooh,â Adam realized, chucking. âWell, thatâs not a problem! We got that covered!â He turned to Lute. âHow many demons did you kill this year?â
Lute marched forward, hands behind her back. âGot a good 275 this year, sir.â
Lute then flexed her arm muscles, a womenâs âWe Can Do Itâ gesture.
Adam was impressed. â275? Woah! Badass! Awesome job, Danger Tits! Pound it!â
Adam raised a fist and Lute did a Miraculous Ladybug fist-bump.
Charlie held out her hands, standing up. âUh, no, not awesome. Those are my people, you know that, right?â
âOh yeah,â Adam did a mock solemn prayer, hands folded together. âThat must suck for you!â He burst into laughter.
âBut these are soulsâŚhuman souls just the same as the ones you have up in Heaven.â
âThey are not the same,â Lute responded coldly. âThey had their chance and they earned damnation.â
âYouâre wrong,â Charlie argued. âSinners made mistakes, sure, but everyone makes mistakes.â
âAngels donât make mistakes,â Lute responded.
âYou really think that?â Charlie asked.
âI know that,â she declared.
âBut my dad Lucifer was an angel and he fell to Hell.â
âHe was a traitor who abandoned his ways. Any traitor is just as bad as a Sinner and a demon.â
âYeah, Iâve never made a mistake in my fuckinâ life!â Adam boasted.
Charlieâs eyes narrowed. âThen why did Lilith leave you? YourâŚcocky ego?â
Adam glared and let out a forced chuckle. âThe sexy bitch couldnât handle my demands, so she foolishly fled from me and caused sin to erupt, along with Eve and your bastard dad.â
Charlieâs eyes briefly flared red. âWell, at least she found someone truly worthy enough to call her husband.â
âThen let me ask you, babe, where is she now?â
Charlie froze, fear and despair in her eyes. The room slowly turned an ominous red. Â Lute walked around the table near Charlie like a vulture. âThe only reason youâre still here is because daddy gave you and your hellborn kind a pardon from an Exorcist blade. How does that feel, to know how little you matter?â
Charlieâs face fell, soon at a loss for words.
Adam smirked again. âOops, almost out of time. Guess we should get into it.â Charlie had a bad feeling that he wasted her time on purpose.
âOh fuck!â Charlie gasped. She stood up and pushed a chair aside. âOkay, Iâve got a lot to get though and not a lot of time and I feel like you werenât hearing me before, so here it goes.â She pulled out her papers and placed them on the table.
She coughed and talked fast almost in a song.
âI know Hellâs population is out of control.
Itâs a bad situation.
Itâs taking a toll.
If we rehab these Sinners
And cleanse all their souls
At my Hazbin HotelâŚâ
Charlie flipped through drawings she did on the papers: one of smiling stick-figure demons under a red pentagram. The next drawing showed the demons crowded together and frowning. The next showed the Hazbin Hotel with a rainbow in the sky and pink hearts.
Charlie rambled through her stack of papers, clearly nervous.
âWait, Iâm getting ahead of myself!â
âRight! Extermination!â
She held up another drawing of angels flying down with spears, killing demons on the ground.
âI know you guys fly down
Just to kill once a year
And it must be annoying
To schlep all the way hereâŚâ
âWe have a portal for that,â deadpanned Lute.
Charlie continued, throwing her papers with a sparkly rainbow that briefly appeared behind an unimpressed Adam. Charlie held another drawing of angels and demons holding hands under a rainbow, stars, and more hearts.
âIf they join you in Heaven
That trip disappears!
You can wave that chore farewell!â
She took a big breath of air.
âItâll be a happy day inâŚâ
âLet me stop you right there,â Adam interrupted in song, his palm out. Charlie rolled up her paper and flinched. âOh.â
âSave us all precious timeâŚâ
âOkayâŚâ Charlie began.
âIf what youâre suggesting
Is letting them climb
Up the ladder,
Oh, theyâd rather cross the Pearly Gates?â
âWell, uhâŚâ Charlie started before Adam cut in.
âSorry, sweetie. But thereâs no defyinâ their fates!â
Adam jumped onto the table, knocking over the plate of ribs to the floor.
ââCause Hell is forever
Whether you like it or not.
Had their chance to behave better
Now they boil in the pot!â
Charlie imagined flying toward the golden gates, only for her to be pulled backwards and tossed around in a bloody caldron. Adam stirred it and screaming demons, blood, and organs spilled out. Adam tossed the gory contents out, Charlie screaming in the bloody stream.
ââCause the rules are black and white
Thereâs no use in tryinâ to fight it.
Theyâre burninâ for their lives
Until we kill them again!â
Adam turned white on one half of his face and black on his other half. Charlie tried to climb up the bloody pit full of dead demons, but Adam stood mockingly above her as Lute twirled her sword and knocked her down.
Charlie soon recovered from her awful imaginings.
âOkay, butâŚâ Charlie tried again, tearing her paper in her hands. Adam continued.
âJust try to chillax, babe.
Youâre wasting your breath.
Did I hear you imply
That they donât deserve death?
Are they Winners?
Are they Sinners?
âCause itâs cut and dry.â
âWell, actually if you take a lookâŚâ
Adam interrupted her again. âFair is fair, an eye for an eye!â
Adam zoomed up to the ceiling and a sphere of light appeared behind him. Charlie fell to the floor.
âAnd when allâs said and done (Said and done)
Thereâs the question of fun (Fun)â
Adam stepped down onto five white cloud stairs as if he were royalty or a god.
âAnd for those of us with Divine Ordainment
Extermination is entertainment!â
Adam laughed as he summoned his golden guitar. The top was shaped like a harp and the bottom was golden and curved like a large harp. He laughed and danced as he made rock guitar noises. Lute flew around with Adam, dancing in the air.
âBow-now-now-nowow, Guitar solo, fuck yeah! Oh-da-ah-ah-now-now-n-now-n-nownownowonow!â
âUghâŚâ Charlie solely got up from the floor as Adam sang some more.
ââCause Hell is forever
Whether you like it or not.â
Four golden mirages of Exorcists appeared around Adam. They danced and clapped and supported Adam like warrior back-up dancers.
Charlie stepped back in fear as they surrounded her, clapping to the song. âWhere the Hell did you people come from?!â
ââŚHad their chance to become better
Now they boil in the pot.
âCause the rules are black and white
Thereâs no use in tryinâ to fight it.
Theyâre burninâ for their lives
Until we kill them again!â
Adam and Lute did another fist-bump as they flew together in sync. Adam did a fast spiral twirl before strumming his golden light guitar hard, sending an explosion of energy across the room.
âFuckinâ Hellâs forever
And itâs meant to suck a lot!
So, give up your dumb endeavor
âCause you donât have a shot!â
Adam, Lute, and the golden Exorcists flew together in sync, smiling and mocking Charlie. Charlie growled in anger as her demon form briefly sprouted up: red eyes, sharp teeth, pointed horns from her head, burning the paper in her hands and waving her long blonde hair.
 âLong as Iâve got your attention
I guess I should probably mentionâŚâ
Adam summoned a golden wrapped up scroll in his hands and flew over to Charlie.
âThat we made the determination
To move up the next Extermination!â
Adam opened up the scroll and it showed a drawing of Adam with the words âFUCK YOU I DO WHAT I WANT!â
âWHAT?!â Charlie screamed, not believing what she was hearing.
Adam grinned maliciously.
âCanât wait a whole year
To slaughter those little cunts.
I know itâs just been a week
But weâll be back in six months!â
To Charlieâs horror, Adam blasted her from the room, using the energy from his magic guitar. Lute winked and the papers flew out of the room with another blast from his guitar. Charlie crumpled onto the floor, papers flying everywhere in a mess.
Charlie stood up; hand outstretched in desperation.
âUm, wait, you-youâŚâ
Charlie raced toward the closing doors. Adam grinned as played a parting guitar solo. The doors closed before her, leaving her in darkness.
Charlie pounded her fist on the doors in defeat. âUGH, SHIT!â
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Charlie sadly opened the circus tent glass doors of the hotel and walked inside.
âCharlie!â Vaggie called, running up to Charlie and hugging her.
Vaggie separated. âHow did it go? Did they listen?â
Charlie stuttered, glancing off to the side. âOh, uh, they sure didâŚhear it, but, umâŚâ
Vaggie grabbed Charlieâs hand and smiled. âOh, come here, we have something exciting to show you!â
Vaggie led Charlie over to the red couch where the group sat. Niffty sat on the couch armchair. Angel Dust lounged on the floor. Husk slouched in his spot, his chin under his large paw hand. Alastor sat up straight in a nearby red chair, one leg over the other.
âAlastor pulled some strings and itâs about to air,â Vaggie mentioned. She and Charlie sat down.
âI pulled a few limbs, too, hahaha,â Alastor added, hand over his chest.
âWait, the commercial?â Charlie asked. âYou all made a new one?â
Angel Dust grinned. âYeah, one of my better performances if I do say so myself.â
Charlie beamed, tears in her eyes, hands over her heart. âThatâsâŚthatâs amazing.â
Angel Dust put a pink finger to Charlieâs lips. âShh! Itâs startinâ.â
The TV screen showed the group standing at the front of the hotel with their 1920âs outfits on. They stood under the âNOW PLAYINGâ theater sign and the âWELCOME TO THE HAZBIN HOTELâ logo. Niffty stared blankly at the camera, Angel Dust posed with his arms out, wiggling his eyebrows, Husk chugged his bottle of booze, and Alastor glitched in and out next to him.
âWelcome to the Hazbin HotelâŚâ Vaggie began, off to the side.
Static buzzed across the screen. Niffty clapped her hands, and Alastor sat in amusement as everyone else groaned out loud in anger and disbelief. Charlieâs horns briefly stuck out of her head, and she hissed.
The blue 666News logo and âBREAKING NEWSâ appeared on the screen. Katie Killjoy soon appeared at a desk on TV, with Tom Trench next to her with a gray gas mask for his face. Katie Killjoy was blonde and pencil-thin, wearing a red dress and a necklace. Tom Trench wore his light gray suit with a red necktie.
Katie Killjoy began: âBreaking news in Hell today! We have just received word from the Heaven Embassy that the next Extermination is happening sooner than ever before!â
Three black menacing Exorcists appeared on an image on the screen with âEXTERMINATIONâ under it in red.
The words scrolled along the bottom of the screen:âHOLY SHIT! THE EXTERMINATION IS HAPPENING IN SIX MONTHS! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! CONFIRMED! LEGIT! FUCK! WE ALL DEAD SOON! WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?!â
âDo you know what that means, Tom?â Katie Killjoy asked, turning to him.
âNo, what does that mean, Katie?â Tom Trench asked.
Katie Killjoyâs eye twitched, her smile strained. âIt means we are all royally fucked!â
The screen then showed the large glowing hourglass. The Sinners screamed as the counter reduced to 176 days.
Angel Dust was confused. âWait, what? Why?!â
A golden-bronze drone shaped like an angel wing hovered in the air, the metallic wing closing as it hovered to a stop. A light beamed down as it scanned a headless Exorcist corpse on the ground. The head was missing, showing only a puddle of golden angel blood.
Back in Heaven, Adam and Lute watched what the drone had recorded on a large screen.
âWe found the body, sir,â stated Lute. âTheyâve never managed to kill one of us before.â She stomped forward in anger. âWe should just go down there now and destroy them!â
âNo, no,â Adam replied. âWe canât risk them catching on.â Lute folded her arms next to him as he continued. âBut donât worry, when we come back, there wonât be a demon left alive to pull a stunt like this again!â
Adam smashed the projector with his fist, and it exploded into yellow sparks and electricity. Adamâs glowing evil smile flashed in the darkness.
0 notes
Heaven Hotel: "Prologue"
The Story of HellâŚ(But not the one you know)
âOnce upon a time, there were four main afterlife realms. One was a golden city guarded by golden gates known as Heaven. It was created by God and high-ranking angels who spread harmony throughout the universe. In the Hazbin Universe, Lucifer was a dreamer angel who had unique ideas for creation, but the elder angels didnât like his wild, unconventional ideas. Sera and the angels helped create Earth and thus created Adam and Lilith in the Garden of Eden. Lilith fled the garden to escape her controlling husband, met Lucifer and fell in love. Lucifer wanted to share free will with humanity, so he gave the apple from the forbidden tree to Eve. Presumably, Roo, the eldritch goddess of evil was able to escape the tree, corrupt the Earth and ruin the angelâs plan for humanity. Thus, Eve was corrupted, and Lucifer and Lilith were banished to Hell. Charlie, the princess of Hell, wanted to rehabilitate Sinners through her hotel to keep them safe from Adam and his female Exorcists who went down to kill them every year. A Sinner named Sir Pentious reincarnated to Heaven as an angel and Adam reincarnated as a demon after their deaths. Hell was a place with seven Rings ruled by the Seven Deadly Sins and the Sinners and demons could do whatever they wanted under Luciferâs circus-like rule.
Those are the worlds you know. But those are different to where Iâm from.
The Heaven where I live (what you would call 2P Heaven) is more complex than a simple golden Hollywood city. It has Seven Halos, each ruled by an Archangel or the Seven Heavenly Virtues. Humility, the lowest, is ruled by Archangel Michael. Charity is ruled by Gabriel, Chasity by Camael, Diligence by Raphael, Patience by Uriel, Temperance by Jophiel, and Kindness by Zadkiel. The Born-Again Council is our equivalent to the Hell Overlords. Sinners are ex-humans in Hazbin Hell, Winners are ex-humans in Hazbin Heaven. Here, we call them Saints. But those in our Hell? They have a lot of complaints. They are so far gone we donât even know what to call themâŚâscumâ is an understatement. Instead of I.M.P. imps going down to kill those on Earth, or Hazbin Cherubs going to save people, the commoners here are elves of E.L.F. They not only save people, but they bless their families and comfort them after their losses. Much more efficient than C.H.E.R.U.B. at least. (See âHeavenly Boss.â)
You probably are wondering who I am. I am Princess Coerciona Vespar, only one of the most important people in this Heaven world. The angels here are shapeshifters and often have blue dots on their white cheeks instead of red ones. The only ones above me are my parents King Hesperius and Queen Evanna and the Archangels and God. I have black hair, black wings with eyes on them, barbed wire in my hair, dark green/teal dots on my white face and carry all sorts of weapons. Â
Not only am I a princess, I also happen to be a leader of my very own Exorcist army, the Cleansers. Unlike blonde bimbo Barbie in Hazbin Hell, I enjoy killing demons and Sinners with great passion. (And why shouldnât I? Most of them are rapists, Nazis, serial killers and the likeâŚif they all get any ideas, Iâm just making them double dead to feed Roo.) I also enjoy daily praise, respect, and rock music. I used to have a crush on Adam, but when he lost to a cyclops maid, I figured he was pathetic after all. Coercing others is my specialty.
Who are the Cleansers? They are the Exorcists 2.0. They are of all genders and all classes: Heavenborn, Saints, and even lowly elves and cherubs can sign up. You see, we donât just go down to Hell once a year to kill; we have to constantly be on the lookout 24/7. In our universe, what you would call 2P HellâŚitâs a nest for Roo and Eldritch monsters. In fact, her influence makes up part of the Hazbin Hell, where double-dead Sinners and demons serve as her food and her eyes. Here, she has more influence. In our Hell, Lucifer switches between good and evil; he actually fell after losing to Michael and now hates humanity 90% of the time. Luciferâs face is black and looks more devil-like than a clown. Lilith in our world is a succubus but much nicer than all the other royals in Hell. Eve gets to visit Earth and Heaven to help humans as the Mother of Humanity. All the Seven Deadly Sins have their traditional appearances, and they are all greedy and malicious. (Think dragon-wolf Mammon, Sloth Belphegor, and Fly Beelzebub. If your job was to punish people every day and you always got what you wanted, youâd be that way, too. Itâs the blunt karmic way of âYouâre on the receiving end of rape/pain whatever sin is aroundâ.). Hellborns are at the top and the most powerful ones are those who own the most human souls. (Though I heard they have descendants who want to try and redeem their parents and escape to HeavenâŚgood luck with that.)
Anyway, the Cleansers have to stop these white, bat-winged Satanics from sneaking up into Heaven and turning angels into demons with their black energy weapons. (Yes, they can do that, and if those in Hazbin found out, thereâd be all-around panic in Hazbin Heaven.) In our Hell, Sinners are slaves, zero-free will, having to watch demons indulge in their associated sins. The only way to escape is if they are chosen to go to Purgatory or if they make it through Danteâs Inferno Circles. If they can endure the cleansing Purgatory flames, they then have to prove their worth by completing three incarnated lives on Earth after their first main life. If they pass all three, they go to Heaven, but if they donât, they are sent back to Hell in dishonor. (Yeah, unlike Hazbin world, our rules are very specific about who goes where. Unless youâre the lucky few in Heaven with God, the afterlife is not pleasant.) The rules? No killing unless in self-defense. No stealing unless for survival. No raping anyone for any reason. No using money for self-serving/harming others without giving back in some way. Suicide is debatableâŚusually itâs bad but there are exceptions. Many Sinners in our Hell desire to go double dead and become food for Roo to escape the punishmentâŚthatâs where the Cleansers come in. We can see who might be worthy enough for redemption, who still needs to suffer and who has had enough.
So I help manage the Cleansers, but I still find many of Heavenâs rules stifling. They can accept killing Sinners, but theyâre still often against LGBT rights and abortion and womenâs rights and all that BS? To combat the extreme opposites of sin, I created my âHeaven/Haven Hotel,â a place where angels and Saints can come by and indulge in moderate sin and hide from the Satanics, provided they follow my rules. (Letâs be honest, one night of drinking and sex and swearing out loud to punk rock isnât gonna hurt anyone. You can call me a stereotypical mean goth girl, but I have more responsibility, power, and beauty than your average human.)
Personally, I donât care about trying to redeem Sinners 24/7; they have to do most of the work on their own. I guess Iâm a good supporter of free will but only in moderation. As for me being a âbratâ as many say, Iâm just cynical of Heaven, Hell, and the systems in general. Those of us in Heaven come from a variety of species, sexualities, and the like, but due to Christianity, there will be an orientation to traditional roles, much like on Earth.Â
My father King Hesperius used to be Luciferâs twin brother, the Evening Star. He is basically Lucifer without the desire to bring up chaos and wild ideas. He is sort of like Michael; stern, older, an opposite to Lucifer. My mother Queen Evanna is what Lilith and Eve would be had they not fallen. As for our Adam? Heâs in Heaven working with Jesus to try and improve things on Earth. Howâs that for the real first man? (And donât forget my giant cherub baby bodyguards Pub and Chub.) Why am I so dark and vicious like Hazbinâs Exorcists? Perhaps I got a little too close and curious to Rooâs forbidden fruit when I was little and now I want to do things my own way; trying to follow some of Heavenâs rules while also being the best leader I can be. Someday Iâll be just like the privileged Seven Deady Sins but without the Sin.
You want to know how I ran my hotel surrounded by a bunch of f**king idiots? Here you goâŚ
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Heaven Hotel: Season One Episode One: âPrologueâ
I stared calmly out the window of my hotel, gazing at the teal sky outside. In the distance was a golden gate similar to the one in the other Heaven and several of my Cleansers were standing guard. They had white wings with a single black stripe and wore LED masks except they were white and had no xs over the eyes. The horns were white with small black stripes on them, and they wore proper gold and blue armor instead of the short gray shirts and leggings the canon Exorcists wore. These fine warriors never left their angelic weapons behind in Hell, for if they did, theyâd be punished on the spot. Their weapons could kill demons and angels alike, so we always had to be careful. Removing their horned masks, they looked just like regular human-like angels. If I ever met Lute, Iâd teach her a thing or two.
The exterminations still appeared to be going on in Hazbin Hell. Our angelic council often sends us news about what goes on in the canon worlds just to keep us prepared. Itâs incredibly hard to enter the canon universe and if we get killed there, itâs double death. That also means the canon characters canât get killed if they come to our universeâŚlucky freaks. The white angelic key in front of me morphed into my handy white dog bodyguard, a creature with sharp pointed ears, sharp teeth, small wings, and eyes along his back. I nicknamed him âEekEek,â because he can shoot fire from his mouth when provoked. I patted him on the head before he scurried off from a knock on the door. The door opened and Phalla came in.
Phalla was my closest servant, a ditzy romantic kind of lady. She had long black curly hair with a gray outline, a teal heart over her right eye (both her eyes were fine, it was just for show), and wore a teal-green shirt with white buttons, a white collar, and a Christian Cross necklace. She had a white collar around her neck. Her skirt was white as were her leggings and she wore black shoes. A teal butterfly bowtie was in her hair near her halo. Uniquely, she had butterfly wings with eyes and white angel feathers in them.
I donât even know her real name but apparently âPhallaâ relates to âpenisâ due to how much she lusts after men. Unlike her, I choose my men wisely and donât let others choose my name out of mockery. I mean, why didnât Vaggie switch her vagina name after being with her Adam? Pathetic.
âPrincess Coercia?â
âCome in.â
Phalla stepped forward. âGreat to see you again, your majesty.â
I turned. âWe still have our clients?â
âYeah, theyâre downstairs. You thinking about anything?â
âFamily stuff, I guess.â
âDid you hear from your mom yet?â
I smiled. âShe talked to me yesterday. Said I was bold to start this hotel project, but sheâd support it if it makes more of our people happy.â
âAnd your dad?â
I sighed. âToo busy as always. Still doesnât like my idea. Says Iâm breaking too many of Heavenâs bulls**t rules.â
âNo need to swear all the time,â Phalla chided.
âSwearing is caring,â I smirked.
âSometimes I think youâd fit better with those edgy demons in Hazbin Hell.â
I scoffed. âAt least as a kid, I was brave enough to try a few drops of forbidden fruit in the garden when my parents werenât looking. Made my wings black and sharpened my free will instincts. Drove them crazy. Why they didnât have anyone guarding that tree and preventing Rooâs escape even in our world is beyond me.â
Phalla chuckled. âFrank Myrth is cute.â
âWhat?â I rolled my eyes.
âHe is, though. Totally against drugs and porn and all that. And those cute dragonfly wings he has.â
âWhatever. My angel wings are the best there is, and they arenât even white. Now letâs go get started on our hotel commercial.â
âOur commercial has no chance of being recognized here; even less in the canon worldsâŚâ
âIâll take my chances,â I said.
The church bells tolled happily from outside as I followed Phalla downstairs.
0 0 0
The television screen later showed my commercial for the Haven Hotel. It first showed two angels with white wings looking bored on a cloud. One had his head on his hand, and another was absentmindedly strumming a small harp.
I began. âHello there ordinary Saints! Are you tired of following the same rules over and over again? Are Bible study lectures, sermons, and community charities not enough for you? Do you still like to help others? Of course, you do, thatâs why youâre in Heaven! But what if I told you there was a place where you could experience true freedom?â
The scene shifted to show a large building made of marble in the sky. A white winged key with a gold eye in the center served as the front piece and the double front doors were golden. The walls were decorated with small sapphires in diamond shapes. The top sign on the roof read in lights: âHAVEN HOTEL.â Off to the left side, attached to the building, was a blue tower which housed a small studio for the angel Stalaro, complete with a dancing pole and a dubstep stereo inside. The lawn in front had golden grass and a Christian Cross on it.
âWelcome to the Haven Hotel,â I announced, âYour path to freedom and safetyâŚfounded not too long ago by yours truly, Princess Coerciona Vespar!â I posed with rocker signs and a black crown on my head. âCome place your fate in my hands, and discover your true self, as long as you follow my every command!â The slides showed a drawing of me posing on a golden podium while white-winged subjects prostrated themselves before me. Pub and Chub looked like large butler babies with black wings and thick arrows in their hands as they opened the doors. Above the mantle in the parlor room showed a portrait of me holding a spear and above that was the glowing blue sigil of Archangel Michael. EekEek slept under an onyx table near two blue couches, the frames decorated with eyes. The light fixtures had the appearances of doves and the light blue wallpaper had Hesperiusâ royal symbols on it: a dove surrounded by six white wings.
âLook at this gorgeous parlor! And check out our new residentâŚFrank Myrth, I think his name is.â
Frank Myrth did a small wave before continuing his protection business on a computer. He wore a black suit with teal green vertical stripes, long teal-green gloves, and a white bowtie with a teal center. His right eye was black, and his left eye was white with a blue-green iris. He had white fur like Angel Dust, but he also had four dragonfly wings with eyes on them and white angel feathers. He also wore long white boots.
âWe have the best rooms, cleaned by our maid, Klutzy. Hey, Ice Girl!â
A small cyclops turned around and blushed at Coerciona. She had one large blue eye, white skin, short light blue hair with a dark blue streak in it and a halo over her head. She wore a black shirt and a blue dress with a white cat design on it. Her thin arms and legs were white. She was eating a hamburger while a lady model magazine and a video game controller were by her side.
âAre you being messy and lazy again?â
âNo?â she asked with a yawn. Icicles briefly hung from her white wings.
âShouldnât you get to work so more people can come in and adore my hotel?â
âWell, I was gonna keep playing âSlay That Demon,â butâŚI guess if itâs for youâŚjust donât invite any men!â
She slouched and got to work.
âGotta love that gal!â I chuckled.
âAnd letâs not forget our bartender of mostly non-alcoholic drinks, Core!â
A tall white cat grinned widely as he folded his hands in prayer. A Bible was next to him on the counter. He had large white wings with lots of eyes and a teal-green stripe with white small Christian Crosses along it. He wore a white top hat with a black Christian Cross and a black Christian Cross necklace. His eyebrows were long and teal with small white stripes on the ends. He wore all white clothing and his tail had blue and green scales on it.
âWelcome to the Haven Hotel, may I interest you in our tenants and the wonderous teachings of Jesus?â
I scoffed. âI donât even know what his deal is. Creep.â
The camera moved and a frightened bark sounded.
âOh yeah, letâs not forget the d**k-loving coward, Stalaro! Say hello, loser!â
The blue dog angel frowned at the camera. He wore a light blue suit with navy blue horizontal stripes and a white bowtie. His undershirt was blue with a white Christian Cross design in the center. He had a halo and white angel wings, white pants, light blue sleeves, and white shoes with blue tips. His blue monocle was under his left eye. His two large blue eyes were usually filled with sadness. He carried a magic white microphone with angel wings at the top and a square blue speaker with a white pawprint in the center. He had a gray face and thick blue hair with white tips at the bottom. Finally, he had a thick furry tail in various shades of blue and two large blue and white dog ears.
âThis freak likes sweets, dubstep music, light magic, and looking at nude men. Heâs always worried about something.â I smirked. âHey, Stalaro, fetch me some water!â
Stalaro gulped and ran from the room, appearing later with a glass of water. âH-here you go, your majesty!â
âThank you,â I said. âHeâs a great servant, such a coward!â
âP-please donât be mean!â Phalla called from nearby.
âSorry, I canât hear you over the sound ofâŚâ I began as the camera shifted to a shot of the hotel again. âAll this and more at the Haven Hotel! Your path to greatness starts here!â The words on the screen read in bold blue, âCALL NOW! PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW OF FIVE STARS OR MOREâŚunless youâd like to volunteer for target practice!â
I turned off the TV, turned around and smiled. âSo, what you do think?!â
Phalla and Stalaro sat dumbfounded on the blue couch.
âUmâŚâ Phalla began, âI donât really know what that wasâŚâ
âOnly the best, right?â I grinned.
Phalla began. âOne note, Coercia, thank you for so much for making thisâŚseriously amazingâŚbut, maybe the tone is a bitâŚoffâŚâ
I narrowed my eyes.
âWe want people to come here,â Phalla said, âAnd you come across asâŚumâŚâ
âSelfish,â Stalaro stuttered. âThatâs the word.â
âOh really?â I inquired, pacing back and forth. âI was going for amazing! Itâs my hotel, after all.â
âWell not everyone is going to want to serve you right and left,â said Phalla. âThere may be royals that come here, too, and you of all people should know when to treat those with respect.â
âAs long as they do so for me first,â I said.
âTheyâll be freaked out at yourâŚappearance,â Stalaro said. âYou arenât exactlyâŚâ
âBubbly and passive? Thatâs the point,â I said.
âWeâre also part of this team,â Phalla said. âWe need to work together, itâs not all about you.â
âWell,â I shrugged, getting an idea. âI suppose if you all want to be at the forefront, I can relax with a Bloody Mother Mary instead.â
Phalla glared at me. Frank Myrth raised his hand.
âYes?â Phalla asked, blushing. Frank Myrth blushed too.
âIf you guys are filing a commercial, perhaps we can also discuss our earthly accomplishments, to peak up interests?â
âYour former anti-mafia police career on Earth was fine, but thatâs off topic,â Phalla mentioned.
Frank Myrth shrugged. âJust thought Iâd throw that out there. Haven Hotel could be a safe place to share past lives.â
âOnly if youâre a Saint,â Coercia said. âWe need more inclusion.â
âSays the only Heavenborn here,â Core mentioned. âIâm surprised that this place isnât only for Saints.â
I bared my teeth. âItâs for any angel who wants safety from the Satanics. They could attack at any time.â
âSoâŚSatanics can harm any angel, not just Sinners?â asked Klutzy.
âIf youâre an Archangel, canon Hazbin character or mythical figure, youâre immune to them,â said Core. âYes, that means youâre vulnerable, too, Coercia.â
I had to admit it was true, but I wanted to strangle that cat in the hat so bad.
Core continued. âAlso, I believe the Hazbin Exorcists have killed Hellborn demons on the side, not just Sinners.â
âNot surprised,â I said.
âWould you kick angels out into the Satanics if they didnât follow your rules?â Phalla asked.
I glared. âDepends.â
âA Heavenborn royal willing to let someone be turned into a filthy Sinner just for not obeying you? How low,â Core snapped.
âYou want me to rip your whiskers off, Leeson spawn?â I seethed. âI love you and your philosophies, but go too extreme right andâŚâ
âYouâre just an extreme left away from the demons,â Core retorted.
âThen why are you even here at this place of freedom? Iâm only against the bad Christian bias, not the good parts of it. Iâm all for Jesus and love and all thatâŚI just hate it when some people are so stubborn that they get lost in their beliefs and boss others around.â
Core snickered. âEgo issues much, hypocrite?â
âBoth of you are equally annoying,â Klutzy mentioned. âAll I need is some cold, slowness and quiet.â She slurped frozen golden ambrosia from a cup with a straw, ignoring the food stains on her dress.
âYouâll get it soon, slob,â Core spat. âYouâre the epitome of gluttony and sloth.â
âI guess not even angels are perfect,â Phalla added.
âWhat are you talking about? Angels donât make mistakes,â I stated.
âYeah, Hazbin Adam and Lute believed that but look what Lucifer did that got him where he is now,â Stalaro said.
âGood point,â I conceded with a sigh.
Stalaro cleared his throat and did a small smile. âUhâŚprincess, do you think you could film me snuggling with Frank Myrth? You know, to show this place has love and happiness in it? For those who may secretly like the moreâŚintimate things?â
âI donât think so,â Frank Myrth made a disgusted face. Stalaro whined glumly. âOkay, then.â Stalaro knew better than to ask CoreâŚhe was under him in a divine contract. Core didnât have his soul, but Core could ask him to do divine favors on occasion.
âCould I snuggle with you?â Phalla smiled at Frank Myrth.
âPlease do,â Frank Myrth grinned in return.
âGet a room, freaks,â I rolled my eyes.
Just then, my cell phone rang with a ringtone of demon screams. âIâll be back,â I said. I walked off to the side and answered it. âHello Mother, how are you?â
My face fell and a scowl appeared. âWait, what? He said thatâŚoh come on! Okay, Iâll be right there.â I hung up.
âWhatâs going on?â Phalla asked.
âMy mother called. She said that AdamâŚour Adam wants to meet me. Says that my hatred of demons is too strong and to be more âharmonious toward others.â Give me a break.â
âWhenâs the meeting?â
âToday.â My eyes brightened. âI will pitch my hotel idea and then Iâll pitch an idea to move the extermination up six months instead of a year!â
âIn our Hell or Hazbin Hell?â
âBoth!â I grinned.
âHazbin Adam already did that,â Phalla mentioned.
âNo, he didnât,â I said.
âAs reverse denizens created after the canon characters, we can receive information about the future events of the Hazbin world, provided we donât interfere.â
âYour talk is nonsense, Phalla! Protecting Heaven is my job!â
âBut slaying Sinners in our Hell is very dangerous. Itâs not like they just run away and scream; they actually fight back! Itâs the reason the Cleansers only do it once a year! To end those suffering for long periods of time and to potentially choose others for Purgatory.â
âThen perhaps I need to train my warriors harder!â I raised my fist. âFind a way to eliminate all the Sinners so they donât decide to become Satanics and invade our world like theyâve been doing for who knows how long! Never just once a yearâŚtheyâve come at such random times!â
âThereâs way too many of them,â Phalla warned. âSatanics train for years and they are often regular demons. And besides, Sinners are already being punished by the Seven Deadly Sins until they can try again in Purgatory and on Earth again. Thatâs how it works.â
âI can see why Hazbin Heaven was so worried about a demon uprising,â Core added. âBut they would have better reason for the extermination if the Satanics were also there and if Roo was a confirmed threat.â
âVery true,â I finished. âBut itâs not as much fun when I donât get to be the one that does it,â I grumbled.
âYou know you canât go down there without permission from your parents and the Archangels. Once a year is enough in my opinion.â
âSays you,â I muttered in disappointment. âNow if youâll excuse me, Iâm off to the meeting and to declare how much I hate this place.â
âI thought you loved your people,â Phalla said. âAnd I thought you would go out and sing!â
âI doâŚâ I replied, adjusting my black pointed crown, ââŚif they donât get in my way. And singing? UmâŚI guess Iâll doâŚJust Another Crappy Day in HeavenâŚugh, I canât make things up on the spotâŚâ
Phalla groaned as I stormed off.
(Iâm not one for cheesy musicals unless they are epic rock solos. I didnât even bring my electric guitar with me! So, Iâll just skip my embarrassing yelling and swearing and shoving angels around as I made my way to a golden Heaven Embassy building. Maybe Iâll write the song before a concert or something.)
0 0 0
The meeting with Adam and Jesus went about as well as youâd expectâŚutter crap. And Jesus mostly just stood there as a holograph, listening to me and Adam debate.
âCoercia,â said Adam as he sat in a chair across from me at a round light blue table with high backed light blue chairs. We were in a small meeting room, a similar one that Charlie, Adam and Lute met in. It had blue Egyptian-fan wallpaper, stained glass windows of Christian Crosses, a few seats, a globe with angel wings on it. It had more stained-glass window designs of an Ophanim shooting rays down toward flames. There were even Exorcist sculptures protruding from the walls. Indeed, we were at one of the many golden Heaven Embassy buildings. Adam had short brown/black hair, a goatee, and white skin, looking just like his Hazbin counterpart. He even wore the same outfit with the âAâ in the center of his white and golden robe. He had a golden halo and golden angel wings. He even had a matching golden harp-shaped guitar, the top of the guitar a harp shape and the main part curved and golden. HoweverâŚhis eyes were full of kindness and he displayed none of the arrogance of the canon Adam. Strangely enough, Adam enjoyed both ribs and apples. He was actually there in person, not a holograph like Jesus was behind him.
Nonetheless, it still didnât make me happy when he said things likeâŚ
âYou are still very young and very headstrong. The people of Heaven count on you and if you dive down into Hell and are killed down there, itâll cause great fear up here.â
âAt least Iâll die with honor,â I said.
âBy becoming food for Roo? I donât think so,â Adam shook his head. âI appreciate you wanting to protect your people. But creating a hotel just to break the rulesâŚâ
âTo have liberation from mental sufferingâŚâ I cut in. âDo you really expect our people to enjoy paradise if they canât have sex before their afterlife marriages? Or have gay relationships that are 100% accepted as they are in the Hazbin Hell? Or worse yet, have Saints be oblivious to their Sinner ex-family members?â
Adam held out a hand. âIâll explain. Our community is very accepting of all genders and sexualitiesâŚâ
âThen why doesnât anyone mention gay marriages on TV here? Why is divorce still a long process? Why are the Heavenborn still getting the best things?â
âWhy are you going off topic?â Adam asked.
âBecause all these things are connected. Maybe there wouldnât be so many Sinners if there were more lenient rules.â
âRules and customs take years or even centuries to changeâŚeven here. Being cautious is better than letting people run amok.â
âItâs only a matter of time before some people break down from all the stress and rules.â
âWe have healing hypnotic hymns for that.â
I scoffed. âMagic canât solve everything. Please tell me thereâve been people from here whoâve fallen to Hell.â
âSadly, yes, but itâs not very common,â explained Adam.
âThen you admit our world and angels are not perfect either.â
Adam somberly sighed. âWe do our best for the Lord, and you should, too. Yes, just like Hazbin Heaven, the denizenâs memories of Earth and their ex-family members if they become Sinners are wiped clean. It would be heartbreaking for them to find out that they went to either Hazbin Hell or our Hell. Theyâd probably try to rescue them, and we all know that is utter suicide if they end up in our Hell. If the citizens become too much like the demons, they will fall to either one of the Hells and youâll be held responsible.â
âIt would be their fault. And rapists and murderers are still family to them, right?â I almost couldnât believe what I was saying. âSoâŚSinners can be redeemed right to Heaven, at least in the Hazbin world and the reverse is still true.â
âBut you would be the one that encouraged the people to sin in the first place,â Adam pointed out. âRoyalty can only do so much before they too, must suffer the consequences. Micheal can easily banish you just like Lucifer if you arenât careful.â
I seethed, my eyes downcast, not knowing any retorts. Adam looked down upon meâŚI suddenly felt small and feeble.
âI hereby deny your request to move our extermination up by six months. We donât need to take any unnecessary risks. Your job is to save our people up hereâŚand the Cleansers send the message in Hell once per yearâŚâWe choose worthy Sinners to go through Purgatory, and those who have no life left in them shall be slain from their cycle of suffering to the second death.â Dismissed, your majesty.â
âMan, these worlds are f***ing confusing,â I stomped in defeat, slamming the doors and walking out.
When I got back and entered the hotel, Phalla was waiting for me.
âFeel better, your majesty?â
âYeah, I guess,â I replied in sarcasm. âIf losing to authority and swearing as you walk back works. And I still canât think of good song lyrics for this sâŚâ
âWait until you see this,â she said, pulling me to the couch. The whole group was sitting there. Frank Myrth sat up straight in a chair. Stalaro leaned on his cane. Klutzy lounged on the floor. I sat next to Phalla who beamed with excitement. âOh, I canât wait to see us on TV! The way we show our love for our people in every scene!â
âIt probably wonât be as good without me in it,â I pointed out. âIâm surprised you didnât just keep mine.â
âAnd I know that Phalla will look beautiful in each shot,â Frank Myrth smiled, wiggling an eyebrow.
âShh! Itâs starting!â I hissed.
On TV, Phalla smiled as she stood with the group in front of the hotel. They were all dressed in blue, purple and white 1920âs outfits. (Core made Stalaro create them with his magic, go figure.)
âWelcome to the heavenly Haven Hotel!â Phalla began, before the screen buzzed and cut to the 777News logo and choir music. Everyone groaned in anger.
Catie Carejoy and Ron Wrench appeared on screen, a black-haired woman wearing a blue dress and a male angel with wheels for a head, holding a wrench in his hands and wearing a gray suit. Three black menacing Exorcists appeared on an image on the screen with âEXTERMINATIONâ under it in red.
âBreaking news in Hazbin Hell today,â reported Catie Carejoy. âWe have just received word from the angel messenger council that the next extermination is happening sooner than ever before. Hellâs princess Charlie Morningstar met with the arrogant canon version of Adam, who, after being upset about the murder of one of his Exorcists, decided to move it up to six months. As expected, her idea to redeem Sinners at her hotel has not yet shown any progress.â
âDo you know what that means, Catie?â asked Ron.
âNo, what does that mean, Ron?â
âIt means they are totally screwed!â
âButâŚweâre safe, right?â
âOf course we are. Weâre talking about a different universe here. ThoughâŚstill keep your eyes peeled for Satanics. They may get fired up after hearing of war in other worlds. Remember, they can transform angels of all kinds into demonsâŚâ
ââŚeven pretty royal princessesâŚâ Core grinned in my head, making me briefly flinch in horror. He snickered at his use of telepathy. One of my greatest fears was turning into one ofâŚthem. I could almost feel sorry for Hazbin Adam and his future demonic fate. (Angels can see future events, too, just not future events in our own universe, which is pathetic.)
âAnyway, goodbye Hazbin SinnersâŚâ Catie Carejoy finished with a worried look.
Recovering, I laughed manically in excitement and Core did a âgo figureâ look while the rest of the group howled in horror.
âCome on guys! This is great!â I declared, standing up. âThose Sinners are getting what they deserve!â
âBut they are still human soulsâŚâ Phalla countered.
âBeing murdered by their own kind if the Exorcists are ex-human!â Stalaro said, suddenly not passive.
âNot too different than the Sinners who die in our Hell,â I shrugged.
âThe Hazbin ones are more relatable and lessâŚmonstrous,â Phalla argued. âBased on what they have shown us on TV.â
âThey are not supposed to be. They had their chance on Earth!â
âI have to agree with princess here,â Core said with an eerie slim smile. âThere is no mercy for the dammed.â
âThen why allow them second chances anyway?â asked Klutzy. âWhy allow Hazbin Sinners immortality and free will to do what they want in Hell and not learn their lessons?â
âBecause Lucifer is a goofy moron clown,â I replied. âAt least, the canon version. Insult our Lucifer and youâll be turned into a snack.â
âBeing stuck in their habits in their world isnât a good thing. IronicallyâŚâ Stalaro began. âIn the Hazbin world, Sinners who die noble deaths and overcome their vices can be turned into angels. They only have to do it once. In our universe, they have to prove themselves many times in different ways to make sure it sticks.â
âBut they can still die a second death!â I exclaimed.
âOr repent. Or redeem. Or reincarnate. The choices are endless,â said Stalaro.
âSoâŚthere is free willâŚ?â I pondered.
âRather likeâŚmore forced choices,â Phalla worded.
âMore optionsâŚmore free will,â I stated. âNo use sympathizing with people we donât know about, especially other demons.â
I stretched and yawned after a pause. âThanks for a good for nothing commercial, since, you know, there was nothing to see! Iâm going to bed.â I strolled off, leaving behind my bewildered and worried group.
âWhat are we gonna do?â Phalla whispered in a low concerned voice. âI love Coercia, but she only cares about herself and doing what she wants. And she doesnât care about any human souls.â
âBut thereâs us,â Core said. âWe all used to live on Earth.â
âYeah, but sheâs a Heavenborn, after all,â said Stalaro.
âNot all Heavenborns are stuck-up,â Phalla said. âJesus always spread the message of second chancesâŚâlove thy neighbor.â What if even faraway demons are our greater neighbors?â
âCoercia hates humans and demons,â said Core. âIâm only here because Coercia enjoyed my Bible talks and how we both like Adina. You know, the demon-hating lady.â
âIâm here because Core dragged me along,â Stalaro whimpered.
âIâm here because itâs free room and board fromâŚsexy royalty,â Klutzy added with a smirk.
âIâm here because I admire Coerciaâs incredible discipline and her army,â Frank Myrth added.
âAnd Iâm here because Iâve been her only outside servant and friend,â Phalla said. âAlthough she can be meanâŚI still donât want her toâŚfall.â
The group sat in stunned silence. Stalaro stroked the white dogâs fur and he smiled softly.
âVery weird how such an arrogant rebel could bring a group of angelic misfits together,â Frank Myrth mentioned. âI think we should give her a chance. I mean, if all goes wrong, we can all at least walk out.â
âBut she can overpower us all,â Stalaro worried.
âLetâs just be on our best behavior,â Phalla added. âCoercia may be bossy, but she has good intentions. She does want her people safe from the Satanics. And she does care about others having freedom almost as much as for herself.â
Frank Myrth pondered and then smiled. âYou really do see the good in people, donât you?â
Phalla smiled. âTrust is what I do best. SoâŚyou guys with me?â
Everyone nodded.
âThen itâs settled. Let the Haven Hotelâs grand opening begin! Tomorrow, of course.â
Everyone yawned in agreement and headed to bed.
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Hazbin Hotel Season One Episode List (reordered/remastered by HelluvaScribe)
Hazbin Hotel (Helluva Scribe Remix) Season 1 Episode 1: âOvertureâ (Focus: Charlie)
Charlie meets with Sera, Emily, Adam, and Lute at the Heaven Embassy to discuss her issue of Sinners being killed by the Exorcists who are both male and female in this version. Adam swears less and is more of a tragic villain than a sexist swearing jerk. Sera explains that Sinners are killed to balance out Hellâs overpopulation and worries that too many demons will rise against Heaven due to Rooâs influence. She realizes that Sinners and Hellborn who die become food for Roo, but not knowing how to stop the chaotic eldritch goddess from taking over all the worlds (who is watching Sera, Lilith, and Alastor also), she allows Adam to continue his killings to at least stop the overpopulation and satisfy her master Roo. But to Charlie, it appears that the angels want to instill fear and control them like Lucifer told her in her childhood. Sera explains that she doesnât like seeing Charlieâs people killed but at the same time, it can be considered a freedom from their immortal suffering in Hell. Charlie then proposes to create a rehabilitation hotel to redeem Sinners, to get them to do behaviors opposite to their sins in life, this method would then weaken Roo and increase Heavenâs safety. Adam and Lute still hate all demons and Lucifer because of how they were raised, but with the persuasion of Emily, Sera is willing to give Charlie a chance. Sera gives Charlie six months to redeem a Sinner before the next Extermination. With more people going to Hell in the modern world, Roo becomes stronger, thus the Exorcists try to eliminate more demons who they suspect may be under her control (Sinner and Hellborn alike). The Hazbin Pilot continues after the meeting, Alastor, Husk, and Niffty enter and the hotel commercial is made. Song: âChasing Rainbowsâ
Hazbin Hotel (Helluva Scribe Remix) Season 1 Episode 2: âRadio Killed The Video Starâ (Focus: Sir Pentious and Vox)
Sir Pentious arrives at the hotel threatening to destroy it, but is defeated by Alastor. He is taken in by Charlie and she tries to do the clapping game, trust falls, and the no drugs roleplay, but Angel Dust and everyone thinks itâs stupid. Vox and Alastor get into a heated rap battle. After Vox loses the battle, Vox plans to use Sir Pentious as a spy to humiliate Charlie and the hotel on TV and it works. Charlie nearly gives up her hotel project, but Angel Dust catches Sir Pentious as a spy. Sir Pentious apologizes to Charlie and she forgives him, but he and everyone else donât trust each other. Song: âStayed Goneâ
Hazbin Hotel (Helluva Scribe Remix) Season 1 Episode 3: âThe Brainâ (Focus: Baxter)
Baxter enters the hotel, creates his lab and plans to take over Hell, and sings about his backstory. He and Sir Pentious get into an argument over whoâs the best inventor. Baxter later searches for cactus juice to use against his enemies, leading him to a desert. Charlie and friends go after him and after being tied up by outlaws, Baxter rescues them. Baxter unleashes a giant sea monster once they return to the hotel. Song: âHell Dominationâ
Hazbin Hotel (Helluva Scribe Remix) Season 1 Episode 4: âWorldâs Fairâ (Focus: Baxter, Sir Pentious)
Sir Pentious and Baxter argue over who is the better inventor. Charlie tries to curb Angel Dust and the clientâs desires to use weapons. Only for a weaponâs expo to tempt them. Alastorâs shadows cause mischief, making Baxter and Sir Pentuous more angry at each other. They both sign up and during the sign up, Vox mocks Sir Pentious and tricks him into revealing the location of Angel Dustâs pet pig Fat Nuggets. Using the pig to bring Angel Dust and the hotel staff against each other, he sends Velvet to the hotel to steal the pig. The expo goes underway with contestants from all the Rings in a singing and weapon display acts including Helluva Boss inventors, judged by Carmilla Carmine the top weaponâs dealer. Sir Pentious is tempted by Vox to experiment his ray gun on the pig to win the contest and Voxâs approval but Sir Pentious nobly trips and works with Baxter to save Fat Nuggets and return him to Angel Dust. The crew return to the hotel on Baxterâs sea monster. Song: âSir Pentious vs Baxterâ
Hazbin Hotel (Helluva Scribe Remix) Season 1 Episode 5: âHellâs Hyenaâ (Focus: Crymini, Husk, Angel Dust, Katie Killjoy/Tom Trench, Velvet)
(Crymini and Cherri Bomb cause trouble/vandalize the hotel â Husk takes her in, she talks with him at the bar several times. Crymini causes trouble as she sets fire to things and does graffiti on the walls and plays loud punk rock and metal at nightâŚearning a bad review from Katie Killjoy, Tom Trench and Velvette as they do a surprise inspection on the hotel to try and ruin Charlieâs rep once again. Thankfully, Crymini scares them off and rips their papers.)
(Crymini, Angel, Charlie, Vaggie and Husk go to a carnival and Crymini is upset at Husk telling her what to do)
(Crymini runs off and shops with Loona and Octavia at Stylish Occult, becoming fast friends. Sadly, Loona and Octavia do not take her offer to check out the hotel yet.)
(Crymini later gets attacked by a rival hellhound gang, her hellhound group fights them off, but she gets terribly wounded. Her gang, all grown up, says âyouâre on your own, we let you couch surf, but now we have better things to do than babysit.â This creates a flashback to Crymini being neglected/abused by her mortal parents, neglect at foster homes, her 90s hazing death, and almost being homeless like Loona but finding work in the porn model industry. Narrowly escaping the Hellhound gang (and an evil Valentino) she begs to stay at the hotel. Husk takes her in, and she lets out her feelings to Husk at the barâŚthey apologize and have their father-daughter moment, teaching her card tricks and sharing drinks. She, Husk, Angel Dust and Cherri Bomb get along, but she is more tense with Vaggie and Villa).
Hazbin Hotel (Helluva Scribe Remix) Season 1 Episode 6: âMasqueradeâ (Focus: Angel Dust, Husk, Valentino)
Charlie decides itâs time to put her âPrincessâ status to use with Angelâs boss. Song: âPoisonâ In Part 2, Angel endures a rough day of work on the porn set. His abusive director feeds his drug habits and brings him down. After he returns home and suffers yet another rejection from Husk, he leaves and nearly gets himself into serious trouble, only saved by Husk intervening. The two have a more real conversation and a more solid friendship blossoms.â Songs: âPoisonâ and âLoser Babyâ (no singing Angel in Loser Baby)
Hazbin Hotel (Helluva Scribe Remix) Season 1 Episode 7: âAngel In The Dustâ (Focus: Angel Dust, Aracknis, Henroin, Valentino)
âThings get ugly when Angel Dust encounters his homophobic mafia boss father and his cynical brother Arackniss. It gets worse when a rival gang tries to attack the hotel with angelic weapons. Angel Dust has to confront his family and his past, making a decision to continue his redemption journey.â
Hazbin Hotel (Helluva Scribe Remix) Season 1 Episode 8: âI Wanna Be Loved By Youâ (Focus: Mimzy, Alastor, Charlie)
Mimzy, a rundown jazz club owner in debt, seeks refuge at the hotel. Her presence attracts loanshark collectors, who not only want their money back, but her blood. The Hazbin gang are forced to protect her from the collectors, despite her being a bit of a diva. Vox sends loan sharks after Mimzy.â Song: (1920s jazz Alastor Mimzy duet: âI Remember Nowâ)
Hazbin Hotel (Helluva Scribe Remix) Season 1 Episode 9: âThe Helsa Hotelâ (Focus: Charlie, Vaggie, Helsa, Sevaithan)
âCharlie runs into her old boyfriend and her princess rival at a dinner party/Baphomet Ball hosted by the Von Eldritch family. Part 2: When Helsa creates a rival hotel for the rich to outshine the Hazbin Hotel, Charlie must plan on bringing it down.â
Hazbin Hotel (Helluva Scribe Remix) Season 1 Episode 10: âDeadly Graceâ
 âIn this 2 part Episode, we learn of the origins of the Sinner Carmilla Carmine and Vaggie as a Sinner turned Exorcist turned demon. We see her ex-Exorcist life.â
Hazbin Hotel (Helluva Scribe Remix) Season 1 Episode 11: âUnholy Romanceâ
âCharlie is distraught after learning that Vaggie is an Exorcist. Vox uses the information to brainwash the demons of Hell against Charlie and her friends. Charlie must find a way to forgive and reconcile with Vaggie.â Song: ?
Hazbin Hotel (Helluva Scribe Remix) Season 1 Episode 12: âCherri Bombâs Away!â
Angel Dustâs reunion with Cherri Bomb gives him an opportunity to show how far heâs come.
Hazbin Hotel (Helluva Scribe Remix) Season 1 Episode 13: âWelcome to Heavenâ
âCharlie goes to Heaven to try and prove that her clients are improving. Not having fully fixed their relationship, Vaggie becomes jealous when Charlie forms a bond with Emily. Since there was no proof of redemption, Sera allows Adam to continue the exterminations.â
Hazbin Hotel (Helluva Scribe Remix) Season 1 Episode 14: âHello Rosie!â
Charlie and Alastor recruit demons to protect the hotel. Rosie reminds Charlie that her hotel is about redemption and she and Vaggie finally come back together.
Hazbin Hotel (Helluva Scribe Remix) Season 1 Episode 15: âThe Show Must Go Onâ
Charlie and her team fight the Exorcists. Vaggie earns her wings after defeating Lute, Charlie fights Adam until Vaggie delivers the finishing blow. Lucifer arrives and helps the gang rebuild the hotel. Lute demands Lilith to go down and defeat the Hazbins. The Vees plan their next brainwashing/technology scheme while the Eldritch family is up to no good. Sir Pentious becomes an angel and Adam becomes a demon.
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Seraphim Sisters: "Welcome to Heaven"
Vaggie and Charlie had arrived in Heaven via a portal, thanks to Lucifer. Charlie gazed at the bright-pastel colored sky in amazement. The sky was filled with puffy clouds and the sky shone in blue, yellow, orange, and pink.
âVaggie, look at this place! Itâs sooo clean! Isnât that amazing?â
Vaggie slouched and replied sarcastically, âYup, super cool. Heaven. Wow.â
They walked down a golden path up to the large golden gates. Three golden glowing eyes were at the top of the gates, one large eye in the middle. Standing behind a raised golden square podium was a jovial angel with short blond hair in a curl to the side, blue eyes, white skin, a pink bowtie, long yellow robe sleeves and a light blue robe with a cross at the bottom. He had a halo and white wings. There was Saint Peter, the one who checked off the names of souls entering Heaven. He was also one of the twelve apostles of Jesus.
âHiya!â Saint Peter greeted. âWelcome to Heaven! Can I get your name, please?â He opened up a large golden book.
âOh! Uhm, uh, Charlie Morningstar!â
âCharlie Morningstar, hmmâŚâ He mumbled names from a list, moving his finger down: Morraco, Morcillo Santos, Morzerty, Mormington, Morningbreakfast, Mornan Vaigh, Morney Lewis⌠âIâm not seeing you on my list here, thatâs so odd.â
âUh, uhm, my dad got me this meeting so maybe try Lucifer Morningstar?â Charlie asked.
âOh f***!â Saint Peter gasped as he slammed the book shut. He laughed nervously. âYeah, hoooo, hehe, yikes, am I right?â He flew down from the podium. âAre you sure youâre in the right place? Because I think you might be a little lost.â
âOh, here we go,â Vaggie sighed.
âNoâŚuh, weâre here for a meeting,â Charlie explained.
âSaint Peter,â called a voice from above. âWe can take it from here.â
Saint Peter turned around and all three looked up.
Descending down toward them were none other than the Seraphim Sisters themselves. Sera was the taller of the two, flying regally on six white wings. She was in her Angelic form, her face dark and pointed like a bird. Her eyelashes extended upward in curves from her eyes and her tall five-pointed crown glowed white and teal, with a halo above it. The front rim of her crown was covered with glowing teal eyes. An extra third eye was on her forehead. Her long light gray dress was decorated with light blue eyes: eyes on the pointed light gray ends of her dress, more eyes near her dark gray waistline part of her dress, eyes on her wings and one on each of her shoulders. Her gray hair was long and feathery, going past her waist.
In contrast, her younger sister Emily flew next to her, much shorter but also in Angelic form. Her face was round and gray with a third eye over her blue ones. She had a smaller white crown on her head, the points shorter than her sisterâs and a halo on top. A large light blue eye blinked on her chest and more dark blue eyes peered from the royal purple trim on the lower part of her dress. A few more eyes made up the blue diamonds on her dress. Her dress was more lavender toward the top. Her six white wings were all up surrounding her face.
In a flash of white light, the sisters changed into more humanoid forms. Seraâs face appeared to have dark brown skin like an African woman, with light gray dots under her light blue eyes. Her hair morphed into her long thick tube-shaped gray curls and her eyes on her dress disappeared, leaving faint diamonds. Emilyâs skin also turned dark brown, her wings in more natural positions along her back and her eyes vanished from her dress as well. Her hair was now long, gray and feathery, going past her waist. She also had small gray dots near her eyes. Her chest showed a purple star where her eye was.
The Seraphim landed in front of them. Emily beamed an excited smile.
âGreetings, daughter of the Morningstar,â Sera said to Charlie. âI am Sera, the High Seraphim of Heaven. You are gifted to be here.â
Emily squealed happily, raised a hand and walked over. âHi! Iâm Emily, the other Seraphim, though you can call me Em! Emmy, E, whatever you want, I go by whatever.â She giggled like a child. âWelcome to Heaven!â
Saint Peter smiled and flew upwards as a church organ played. âDearly beloved, it is my pleasure to say unto theeâŚâ
The golden gates opened and Saint Peter sang: âWelcome to Heaven, oh, oh!â
Charlie was bedazzled at the sight of the gleaming city before her, while Vaggie was not pleased. A large building was decorated with a pointed golden eye at the front and the tower stretched upward with lilac and white designs on the windows; a column of white diamonds. The building frames were gold and halos glowed at the top spires of the buildings. Denizens happily flew over the city against the orange sunset-like sky. The citizens had wings and halos and had a variety of appearances like those in Hell. Some were bipedal animals, while others had wheels with eyes on them for faces.
The golden brick roads were so clean that they reflected the buildings and sky.
ââŚwhere the virtuous reside 24/7, oh, oh!â
Up on a balcony, two angels were taking a selfie: a dark gray bug-like angel with four wings from his face and wearing a navy blue suit with big sleevesâŚand a black female hound with a black and gold halo and a black dress with a white fur collar. A few human-like angels were sitting at round tables on a balcony decorated with orbs of light. Walking along the street was a purple jester angel, and a light orange angel with large ears and four red and white eyes on them. Two pink female angels with antennae and curly hair like sheep happily talked at a table.
âPeople are happy that they died, cause here we got no worries, got no burglaries, no strifeâŚitâs the perfect afterlife!â Saint Peter did a happy flip in the air.
An angel with white hair like Vaggie drank tea with a white robed angel with a purple feathery face with two wings from their head and white eyes on a gold crown.
âWelcome to Heaven, oh, oh!â
Saint Peter stood in the center with a group of dancers on a gold structure shaped like an eye. He danced with a green bird wearing a magenta suit, an alligator wearing a pink suit and top hat, a female llama wearing a purple dress, and a bear wearing a striped blue and white suit and hat. Behind them were large screens showing a blue sky, white clouds and âHEAVEN!â in gold letters with a halo over the H. Yellow smiley faces with wings and halos floated in prayer positions on the other screens. More denizens danced on the golden street; a doll, a lion wearing a blue robe, a white bear, a shrimp with a top hat and robe with eye designs, a light blue canine, a sheep wearing pink, a thin white birdâŚ
There was a sign that read âLIVINâ, LAUGHIN,â LOVIN,â HEVAH!â and âEVERYTHING IS AWESOME SAUCE!â Most noticeable down below was the dancing figure of Angel Dustâs sister Molly. Molly had white fur, red dots on her cheeks, a pink and red dress and four long legs with pink stripes and black high heels. She had a halo and wings and was happily having fun, oblivious of her twin brother in Hell.
Saint Peter happily dived down and high-fived the bear and the lion before swooping back up.
âCheck out our sweet dĂŠcor! The spirits leaven, oh!â
He swept black rocks off the gold street in front of Charlie and Vaggie.
âPlease keep your brimstone off the floorâŚâ
âWeâve got the best and the brightest, the politest of the lot!â
Saint Peter mentioned to a large advertisement sign that read âSCIENCEâ in pink letters with a glassy gleam to them. A white bird wore yellow and had three small eyes along her furry neck. A black hound with yellow eyes, a black dress and white fur collar stood happily next to her. They both wore gloves, safety goggles and stood in a lab. The bird held a beaker with red liquid and the hound held a cylinder beaker with yellow liquid. Colorful pink, magenta and purple animal angels danced in front of the sign.
Saint Peter then mentioned to another advertisement billboard the read âPOLITENESSâ in white cursive against a blue background. It showed a one-eyed Ophanim with gray wings from his head with teal tips and a crossed gold crown of wheels with eyes on it. He wore a white robe and helped an elderly old lady angel across the street. A yellow owl angel with red and white eyes on his extended feathery ears did a pose in the corner. More angels danced in front of the sign, including a mouse.
Saint Peter swooped down and cheering denizens lifted him up and moved him along. Next to a giraffe, a woman with three red eyes and orange hair smiled as she lifted him up.
ââŚand everyone is hoooot!â
Saint Peter smiled as he lay in the arms of a muscular woman with short red hair, white skin, a spiky eye-brow, a red tank top and long purple tights. A muscular man wearing black underwear and a short black sleeve-less jacket lay down in a pose. Another man had lavender skin, shirtless, and had a black bowtie and brown pants. On the manâs arm sat a sexy woman model with long blond hair, blue eyes,  a short hot pink dress and long teal pants. There was a taller white-skinned man with red hair and a torn light orange shirt flexing his muscles. A woman with dark skin, long white/periwinkle hair, a pink heart in her hair and a black and purple dress posed with her hands on her hips. A grinning male orange fox also did a pose off to the side, wearing a sleeveless red jacket, fingerless gloves, black pants and pink high heel boots. Even Angel Dustâs sister Molly posed on the ground.
Emily beamed in excitement as she led Vaggie and Charlie around. âGosh, Iâm so pleased to show some outsiders around,â she sang. âAfter you see our realm, youâll never wanna go back down!â
Vaggie fumed as Charlie and Emily held hands in front of her. Sera placed a hand on Charlieâs shoulder.
âOf course, it is just temporary, Iâm sorry you canât stayâŚâ Sera added in song.
Saint Peter and Emily flew into the air and happily sang in a duet. They held hands and flew near a tall glass building with a gold halo on top. Gold rays of sunlight beautified the orange sky even more. âCause every single day in Heaven is a happy daaaaay! Welcome to Heaven!â Emily and Saint Peter smiled at each other and flipped down to the ground. Saint Peter, Emily, Molly, and the other good-looking angels posed on the stage in a grand finish. Saint Peter caught his breath out loud after the song ended.
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Meanwhile, Adam and Lute stood off to the side. Lute had her helmet off her face, revealing a white face, short sharp white hair, and intense yellow eyes. Adam was casually slurping a drink with a straw from a purple and white cup. Lute wore her short gray dress, arm bands, and combat boots. A black halo hovered above Luteâs head. Luteâs wings where white with black trim, with two black stripes in the center. Adam stood proud with a golden halo above his black face with yellow teeth, yellow eyes, and pointed curved horns with gold tips. He had his usual feathery robes of white, yellow, and gold, with diamond designs near the trim. An âAâ design was on the front. He recalled playing his golden guitar, the bottom and top shaped like golden harps.
As Charlie and Vaggie raced past them, Adam and Lute scowled in surprise.
âHoly f***ing s*** balls, am I seeing who I think Iâm seeing?â Adam began.
Lute scowled while looking at the back of Vaggie. âWhat is she doing here?! How did she even get up here?â She then thought, âI killed that filthy traitor years ago! She didnât deserve her vagina name and she certainly didnât deserve my Adam!â
Adam merely shrugged. âWho cares? Iâm handling this s*** right now!â
He began to stomp forward, but Lute held him back. âWait! You want to start a fight on the promenade in front of everyone?â
âBetter than waiting for the f***ing extermination!â
âShhh, sir!â Lute shushed him, grabbing his collar and looking around. âWhat was the Seraphimâs one rule?â
Adam sighed. âUuugh! âNo one but the Exorcists can know about the exterminations.â I know, fine.â He slurped his drink and glared. âDonât f***ing shush me, b****.â
âYou should listen to your lieutenant, Adam,â said a voice. Sera appeared before them in a flash of light.
Adam was briefly startled. âF**k! Sera! You canât sneak up on a guy like that, jeez.â
âAnd be mindful of your swearing. It is censored in Heaven, after all.â
âYour highness, forgive me,â Lute began, âBut what are the hell spawn doing here?â
âWell, you failed to control the demonsâ unrest and now Luciferâs involved, setting up an audience for his misguided daughter,â Sera replied. She stared out the window, while computer screens glowed off to the side. âI never wouldâve agreed to your yearly activities if I thought it would bring trouble to our doorstep. Keeping Heaven safe was my only reason for allowing it.â She turned back around.
âWhat do you want from me? Iâm just one guy,â said Adam.
âI want you to do whatever you need to do to keep this problem from getting any worse.â She leaned in closer to his face with a narrowing of her eyes. âAre we clear?â
âYeah, got it,â Adam replied with a sigh. Sera vanished in light.
Lute then mentioned for Adam to follow Emily, Charlie, and Vaggie. Emily stiffened as she heard hushed voices behind her mention something about the exterminations and the Exorcists. The only time she heard about that was from Sera talking to herself in private. She had wondered if that was a real event and why Sera never wanted to talk about it to her. She had claimed that evil demons were exterminated by each other and that brave angels went off to watch over Heaven to protect it. When she had asked why some souls go to Heaven and others are banished to Hell, Sera had said, âYouâre not ready to know. Now go spread your joy.â
Charlie, Vaggie, and Emily did not see the Exorcists behind them and soon made it to the hotel room. Adam and Lute hid in the shadows against the wall, waiting for Vaggie to be alone. Lute wished she could kill Vaggie then and there, but Adam had other ideas. They watched the trio enter their hotel room, the golden door closing.
âOkay, I love Heaven!â Charlie exclaimed as she fell down onto a comfy bed with white sheets and a golden headboard. The wallpaper was blue and the designs were Egyptian style royal fans. There was a bedside table and a light on it. The luggage was in a pile off to the side near a golden leaf plant. The light fixtures were golden star designs and the top glowed with teal crystals on the walls. A glowing teal chandelier was hanging from the ceiling.
âVaggie, did you see the ice cream shop? They had sprinkles made of rainbows!â Charlie squealed. Emily giggled.
âThose are just rainbow sprinkles,â Vaggie deadpanned.
Charlie stood up. âEmilyâs going to take me to a zoo where all the animals are actually soft! You coming?â
The last thing Vaggie needed was to be noticed by anyone in her former home, not to mention having to listen to Charlie and her new friend talk about their lofty dreams. Charlie was her girlfriend and all she wanted was to be back safe in Hell.
âUh, I need a break.â She sat down. âBut hug a koala for me.â
âO.M.G. Can you imagine an actual koala?â beamed Charlie, her eyes wide with joy. âAhh! See you later!â Â Emily waved happily. Charlie slammed the golden door and headed off with Emily. Vaggie sighed and collapsed onto the bed.
Adam and Lute grinned as they watched Charlie and Emily go. Adamâs yellow smile glowed menacingly as he and Lute crept closer to the unlocked door.
Vaggie heard a knock on the door. Vaggie sighed and stood up. She barely made it to the door when Adam shoved it open.
âHey there, Vag-asaurus!â Adam smirked.
âCharlie will be back soon,â Vaggie glared. âYou need to get out, now.â
âIâm not looking for the blonde babe, Iâm looking for you.â Adam raised an eyebrow.
âWhy?â
Adam swaggered into the room, followed by Lute. âMaybe âcuz you left the band, you tried for a solo career, or I guess itâs more of aâŚduet!â
Vaggie folded her arms. âI donât know what youâre talking about.â
âDo you really think I wouldnât recognize one of my top girls just cuz youâre out of uniform? You were on the front lines. I wouldnât forget a bad b**** like you. Itâs why I named you after the best thing ever. Vaj-ee!â
âActually itâs pronounced Vag-ee.â
âMmmm, no!â Adam denied.
âYou shouldâve called me P*ssy, at least,â Lute muttered. âAt least I didnât betray the flock.â
âI did what I had to do,â Vaggie seethed. âHe was just a kid.â
âAnyway, you sure f***ed up, didnât you?â Adam smirked. âRemoving your mask and letting a demon go. Such weakness, such incompetence.â
Vaggie could remember flying in Hell through the Exorcist-filled red sky, stabbing a green female demon with long brown-red hair, boots, and torn clothing through her back. Her LED mask had an X over the left eye and a frown on the face. She wore her short gray dress, long white gloves, black leggings, and high white metal combat boots. She had a black halo and white wings with a black stripe on them. She removed her mask, revealing her face with short white hair, an angry snarl, and both light orange eyes. She flew with a spear in hand and spied a crying boy child from the Cannibal Town. He had short red hair, a pink bowtie, a red shirt, red hat, and striped pants. She had him backed against the wall, her winged shadow towering over him, an x on the shadowâs left eye. She then paused, her face falling, hands lowering her spear. She would never harm a childâŚeven a demon one. It would be against everything that Heaven stood for.
âGo, Run! Now!â Vaggie hissed at the boy, who ran off.
No sooner had Vaggie turned around when Lute slashed her across the face with her blade. Vaggieâs scream echoed across the city as her eye spilled out from her socket. Lute stabbed the fallen eye and golden blood flowed down Vaggieâs face. Lute added insult to injury by placing a foot hard on the back of her neck. âIf your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it outâŚâ Lute recited. âAdam may have seen you as the perfect vagina girl, but I know that he doesnât deserve a fucking weak-willed whore like you.â
Lute then proceeded to rip off Vaggieâs white and black wings, causing her to scream in more pain. She collapsed to the ground in agony, golden blood flowing down her face.
âSinful filth like you has no place in Heaven,â Lute finished. Adam then confiscated Vaggieâs black halo and the two Exorcists walked away, leaving Vaggie to die.
Vaggie stumbled through the alleyway before collapsing against the wall. Where her left eye had been was a gaping black hole. She now only had a white shirt on with two black Xs on itâŚany traces of her uniform or Exorcist features were goneâŚdiscarded into a nearby trash can. She left behind a trail of golden blood.
Charlie bent down and extended her hand, thinking Vaggie was a lost Sinner. Charlie wore her suit from the Pilot. She knelt down to Vaggieâs level and wrapped a bandage over Vaggieâs eye. Vaggie smiled weakly as Charlie carried her back to the hotel. Vaggieâs body got used to the Hell environment and gradually adapted more demonic features. Vaggie then swore to protect Charlie and make her dreams come true. An ex demon hunter and a demon royal had fallen in loveâŚand nothing was going to change that.
âTo think someone as worthless as you landed Lilithâs little hottie. âGrats on that, I guess,â Adam mocked.
âTheir love is vile and blasphemous,â Lute seethed, marching forward.
âLike youâre master/sex slave relationship with Adam is any better,â Vaggie retorted.
âTheir love is hot as f**k, though,â Adam added. âBut I wonder what your b**** would think if she found out you were actually one of us? Hmmm?â He leaned his face in.
âWhat do you want?â Vaggie asked. âWant me to join you again?â
âF*** no,â Adam scoffed. âWay too late for that. But at the hearing, youâre gonna help me shut this kindergarten snowflake bulls**t down for good. Say that her hotel plan is a joke, and Iâll spare you.â
âNever!â
Adam shrugged. âOh yeah, you know, thatâs totally cool. I guess Iâll just tell little Miss butterflies and rainbows that sheâs beenâŚâ He leaned in close to her face with an evil grin,  ââŚf***ing someone whoâs killed thousands of her people. Iâm sure your relationship will be fine. See you in court!â
Adam laughed menacingly as he and Lute strolled out of the room and slammed the door, leaving Vaggie shaken.
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Charlie did actually get to hug a koala, an angel one with small white wings and a few eyes on its fur. In fact, all of the zoo animals had wings, little halos, extra eyes and were very friendly. Giraffes, elephants, lions, doves, bears, and any kind of animal you could think of, were joyfully inside their habitats, being able to freely fly around. Charlie hugged her koala, while Emily fed a baby panda. They also enjoyed snacks of golden cotton candy, meatless burgers, sparkling golden drinks and deluxe chocolate. They explored shopping malls, restaurants, theaters, and several parks.
âThis really is a wonderful place,â Charlie awed, as she and Emily walked back toward the hotel. âThank you for showing me around.â
âNo problem,â said Emily. âItâs not very often we get visitors fromâŚyour home. But Iâm honored to meet the princess of Hell!â
âAnd I never thought Heaven had a princess.â
âWell actually two. Sera is the higher one. She does all the royal duties and Iâm here to spread joy to those in Heaven.â
âWell you certainly do a great job,â Charlie said with a smile. âMy world could use your kind of cheer.â
âDonât you spread cheer of your own down there?â
Charlie and Emily kept walking.
âWell, yes, but not many people appreciate my ideas. Nor my dadâs.â
Emily sighed. âFrom what Sera told me, she and the elders didnât like Luciferâs ideas for creation, either. He tried to give free will to humanity, but instead fell to Hell.â
Charlie glanced off to the side, parting her hair. âMy dad said that Heaven has a lot of rules and that going to Heaven would be a bad idea. But yet, he was willing to help me in the end. I guessâŚhe wanted me to try and achieve my dreamâŚbecause he could not. But sometimes I think he doesnât always listen. And donât get me started on my mom. Sheâs been missing for years. She cares about her kingdomâŚbut perhaps she doesnât agree with dadâs ideas about humans. IâŚI still donât know why she left.â
âI feel you. It seems like Sera and the council never listen to what I have to say. Iâve been giving the people of Heaven hope and happiness, but when I talk about reuniting souls from Hell into Heaven, Sera tells me that itâs impossible. She says that she knows how souls are judged and that itâs not my place to know.â Emily folded her arms. âShe treats me like a child half the time!â
âBeing royalty sure isnât easy,â Charlie added. âBut with all the madness going on in Hell, I feel like I have to do something.â
Emily paused. âWhat? What kind of madness?â
âMy people killing each other and getting killed by these horrible angel beings every year. And my dad allows it.â
âTheâŚexterminations?â Emily asked, wide eyed.
âYeah,â Charlie somberly answered.
âYou meanâŚthat the event that Iâve heard my sister talk about behind closed doorsâŚthat itâs actually 100% real?â
âYes. WaitâŚno one else knows?â
âOnly Sera and the Exorcists know about what goes on each year. Sera always said to me that some angels go off on special missions to protect Heaven from invaders. She never told me who exactly the invaders were. But I think theyâreâŚdemons?â
Charlie glanced around. âThe demons are not invaders. And itâs not just Hellborn demonsâŚSinners get killed down there, too.â
Emily gasped. âH-human souls? No, no, thatâs impossible! T-thatâs just a myth from Sera. Ex-human and Heavenborn souls from here killing demons and Sinners?! Led by the first man?!â Tears welled in her eyes.
Charlie lowered her head. âItâs true, though. SoâŚyouâre certain that no one else in Heaven knows?â
Emily shook her head sadly. âIf they knew that their ex-human family members were killed by our own kindâŚor their own ex-human kindâŚâ
ââŚthat could start a war,â Charlie growled, eyes briefly flaring red.
âMaybe thatâs why Sera stays so silent all the time,â Emily pondered.
There was a brief silence as they made it back to the hotel.
âSoâŚwhat can we do?â Emily asked.
âWell, Iâve come here because Iâm running a hotel to try and rehabilitate Sinners. If I can show Heaven that my people can be redeemed, then maybe theyâll let them into Heaven.â
Emily beamed. âAnd I could spread more joy and celebrate the souls getting back to their families! What a brilliant idea!â Then her face fell. âButâŚhave you saved anyone yet?â
Charlie sighed. âNot yet. But Iâm really close. My two residents, Angel Dust and Sir Pentious have started doing nicer things for their friends. They havenât left, so I think thereâs still hope for them.â
Emily shuddered. âGood luck getting Sera to listenâŚsheâs the head of the whole council.â
âIâll think of something,â Charlie said. She held out note cards of drawings and dictionary definitions. âI hopeâŚâ
 They arrived back to the room and opened the door. Vaggie was visibly shaken up.
âVaggie? Are you alright?â Charlie asked.
âI-Iâm fine,â she muttered, eyes downcast. âCome on, weâd better head to the courtroom.â
Charlie and Emily looked at each other in concern before following Vaggie.Â
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The heavenly courtroom was vast and tall, the walls were lavender and the ceiling was round and gold with a center circle for light to shine through. On raised podiums were various angels with different appearances. On the lowest podium off to the side were a row of seven bird-like angels (perhaps the Shem Hamephorash), many with black antennae on their heads. The row above them had seven angelsâŚsome were blue and purple bird-like beings like Hellâs Ars Goetia and several were Ophanim: angels with flaming gold wheels within wheels dotted with eyes for their faces. One was just an eye with six blue tentacles from its top with eyes on them. At the very top podium stood Sera and Emily. Adam and Lute got their own podium: the trim was gold and an eye design was at the bottom. The light fixtures in the wall were in a slanted white diamond shape with gold trim that looked like wings. A gold structure of a smiling Sera holding a weapon and grinning with slanted teal eyes stood against the wall behind Charlie and Vaggie. Charlie and Vaggie sat in blue chairs with three rectangular shapes behind them with their small table in front of them.
Charlie put her head in her hands and groaned out loud. âOh no, not him again!â
âWhat up baby?â Adam sang with a pose and flew up next to Lute on the raised podium. âSaw that you went to my manager. Low blow, Karen.â
Sera began the proceeding. âWe are gathered here today to determine whether or not a soul in Hell can be redeemed into the heavenly realm via means of this âHazbin Hotel.â Â She closed her eyes and nodded. âPrincess Morningstar?â
Charlie sighed. âThank you, Seraphim.â She stood up and cleared her throat. âWebsterâs dictionary defines redemption asâŚâ
 âObjection!â Adam interrupted. âLame and unoriginal.â
Sera glared. âSustained.â She mentioned to Charlie. âNo further dictionary references, please.â
Charlie smiled nervously. âRight. Okay, uh, uhâŚummmâŚâ She flipped through her cards that had drawings and definitions of various words like âRedemption,â âSalvation,â âForgiveness,â and âLove.â
Adam crossed his arms. âIf you have actual evidence, then show it already.â
Charlie began. âWe have a patron right now who is making incredible progress!â
âWho?â Adam asked.
âAngel Dust.â
Adam spoke sarcastically. âOh yeah, the porn demon. Heâs totally worth being redeemed.â He blew a raspberry with his yellow tongue.
Charlie posed with her hands on her hips. âWell, if you know so much, what do you think it takes to get into Heaven?â She pointed a finger at Adam.
Adam stuttered nervously, touching two of his black fingers together several times. âUh, well, uhâŚâ The council members looked at each other.
âIs everything okay, Adam?â Sera asked.
Adam yelled, âGive me a f***ing minute, okay?â He muttered as he scribbled on a golden piece of paper with a gold feather pen. Adam then smiled and sent the piece of paper to Vaggie with his hand, where it materialized in front of her.Â
Vaggie held the paper and read. ââAct selfless, donât steal, stick it to the man.â Are you f***ing serious?â
Adam waved his hand. âUh, yeah. Sure got me here, didnât it?â He laughed nervously. âRight, Sera?â
âHe was the first human soul in Heaven,â Sera stated.
âWell, I bet Angel is doing all of those things right now!â Charlie declared proudly.
Adam bared his fangs. âThen letâs f***ing see it, brah!â He snapped his fingers and a glowing white orb appeared, swirling and appearing in the center of the room.
Charlie walked around the orb and looked at Sera. âYour Honor, may I present, Exhibit A.â
The orb morphed to show Angel Dust, Husk, Cherri Bomb, Niffty, and Sir Pentious at a nightclub.
âHeavenly people,â Adam scoffed as the orb showed Angel Dust and Cherri Bomb taking shots of alcohol. âWhat more do you need to see? The porn star chose a night of debauchery. Thatâs not a soul worthy of being in Heaven! And look hereâŚâ
The orb showed Angel Dust acting in his porn videos and then showed Angel Dust firing his guns at a rival gang. Many council members muttered in disapproval.
âUm, objection!â Charlie called. âAre you really telling me that youâve never had a drink with friends after a hard day?â
Adam raised an eyebrow. âUh, we donât have hard days? Itâs f***ing Heaven, b****. Are you seriously gonna sit there and pretend like getting drunk, killing people, and doing porn is okay?â
âWhat do you think?â Adam smirked at Vaggie.
âFirst of all, I think you should shut your mouth,â Vaggie remarked, which earned her a glare from Lute. âAnd second of all, I still think thereâs a chance that Angel Dust can be redeemed. He just needs more time to prove himself. Like Charlie said, heâs making progress.â
Charlie added, (thankful that Vaggie stayed and didnât run away) âAngel will make good decisions, come on! We have to keep watching. Please?â
Sera sighed dishearteningly. âYeah, I donât know.â
Emily pleaded to her sister. âCome on, letâs give him a chance.â
Sera conceded. âVery well. The court will allow it.â
 âF**k yes!â Charlie cheered. The higher ups gave her looks. Charlie smiled in apology. âI meanâŚhehâŚthank you.â
The orb showed more scenes from Angel Dustâs life, including him bonding with Husk during their âLoser Babyâ song.
âAngel Dust is talking to a friend and starting to create some bonds,â Charlie explained. âHe even has a pet pig, Fat Nuggets, heâs just the cutest little thingâŚâ
âYeah, no one cares,â Adam said.
âOh and look at thisâŚâ Charlie said. The orb shifted back to the nightclub scenes. Angel Dust was shown holding a crying drunk Niffty after stopping her from stealing bleach and drinks. The council members nodded in approval after watching Angel Dust stand up for his friends, facing his boss Valentino.
Charlie then proceeded to show scenes of Sir Pentious, before and after his arrival to the Hazbin Hotel.
âSir Pentious is my newer resident. He may have been menacing in the past, but now, heâs getting to be very sweet. Deep down, he just wants admiration from those he looks up to. And did I mention he has his Egg Boi minions? Very interesting fellows.â
The council members shrugged, weirded out by the eggs but still considering Sir Pentious after he had apologized to Charlie in song.
âSee!â Charlie said, recalling Angel Dust. âHe did everything on your checklist! He was selfless, he stopped Niffty from stealing, and he stuck it to that moth man!â Charlie waved her arm with a fisted hand.
Adam briefly stuttered, then barked. âThen, then why isnât he and that other guy here, then? Hmm?â
Emily looked concerned as well. She turned to Sera: âYeah, why isnât he here?â Sera looked away.
Charlieâs eyes widened. âWait. None of you know what gets someone into Heaven either?â
Sera narrowed her eyes. âThis questioning stops now. We know when a soul arrives. We know when they pass divine judgment. It is our job to ensure these souls are safe.â
âBut she was right, Sera!â Emily sang. She held up Adamâs piece of paper to Sera, with his three quotes crossed out in red. Adam had drawn his face and some money signs on the paper.
âShe showed us a soul can improve!
âHe saw the light, Sera!â
Emily flew up next to the orb, which showed Angel Dust defending Niffty, trying to break free from Valentinoâs pink chain of magic.
âHe did everything he could.
Checked all the boxes like you said he would.
Proved a person deserves a second chanceâŚâ
She flew down to face the council members.
âNow we turn our backs with no second glance?â
Sera sang to her sister.
âItâs not as simple as you think,
Not everything is spelled in ink.â
 She held Emilyâs hands in hers.
âThere is much you donât understand
For I, too, am under someoneâs command.â
Charlie joined in as well, singing.
âItâs not fair, Sera!â
Vaggie placed a hand on Charlieâs shoulder.
âCareful Charlie, keep a cool headâŚâ
Charlie shoved Vaggie off and marched forward.
âNo! Donât you care, Sera?â
âThat just because someone is dead
It doesnât mean they canât resolve to change their ways
Turn the page and see their days,
Escape infernal blaze!â
Charlie walked around the flaming orb, waving her hand over it and it changed to scenes of a smiling Angel Dust, Angel Dust and Cherri Bomb drinking from their shot glasses, Angel Dust tenderly holding Niffty in his arms, Angel Dust and Husk firing their gunsâŚ
âŚand then to Charlieâs favorite image, a book page showing Niffty, Angel Dust, Husk, and Sir Pentious smiling together.
Sera shook her head.
âIâm sure you wish it could be so
But thereâs a lot that you donât knowâŚâ
Lute scoffed in annoyance as she saw the orb show Angel Dust wearing his pink robe, blood dripping from his mouth.
âWhat are we even talking about?
Some crack-wh**re who f***ed up, no doubt
Killing people and strip-dancing for clout
He blew his shot like the c**ks in his mouth!
He should be double dead, already!
This discussion is senseless and petty!â
Adam flipped the bird and Lute put her LED mask back on.
Adam and Lute then flew together and sang their duet in Charlieâs face.
âThereâs no question, he ainât ready!
âThereâs nothing left to disclose
No question to be posed
Heâs unholy, case closed!
Did you forget that Hell is forever?!â
They flew and stood on top of the orb, which now showed glowing hellish flames and shadows of screaming demons. Adam belted out:
âA man only lives once
Weâll see you in one month!â
He lowered himself to the ground, grinning evilly at Charlie. Charlieâs horns pointed out from her hair and her eyes glowed red in anger, her blonde hair waving frantically. Adam bragged some more.
âGotta say I can wait to
Come down and exterminate you!â
âAdam!â warned Sera.
Emily and Lute both called to Adam,
âWait!â
âS***!â Adam swore, realizing his mistake too late.
âWhat are you saying?â sang a concerned Emily, who lowered herself.
âLet me get this straight
You go down there and kill those poor souls
So you donât just try to protect our world?
You think itâs fine
To step out of line?â
Charlie looked sadly at Emily.
âI told you, Emily. Itâs been going on so longâŚâ
Emily gasped.
âYou were right all along!â
Emily then turned to face her sister.
âI thought the killings were just stories
You told me of our warriorsâ glories
But what you claimed was only half-true
You never spoke specifically of Sinner souls, too!â
âAnd we all didnât have a clue!â the council chorused.
Sera flew down toward Emily.
âI only did so to protect this world and you!â
Emily had tears in her eyes and an angry look on her face.
âI looked up to you! I canât believe you knew!â
Sera sighed.
âI thought since Iâm older
Itâs my load to shoulderâŚâ
âNo!â Emily shouted, before Sera continued.
âYou have to listen
It was such a hard decision
I helped create Earth
I watched your birth
I saw humanity rise and fall
And when Lucifer lost it all
I wanted to save you
The anguish it takes to
Do what was required.â
Sera smiled with a strained look as the flames glowed in her eyes.
Emily flew up, backing away from Sera.
âAnd you who I admired!â
Sera gave her a disapproving look.
âI donât need your condescensionâŚâ
ââŚand demons donât need more pension!â Emily vocalized.
Emily put her hands on her hips, flapping her six white wings furiously. Her crown had a new purple eye in the center and another eye appeared on her chest.
âYou do not get
Iâm not a child to protect
Was talk of virtue just pretension?
Was I too naĂŻve to expect you
To heed the morals youâre purveying?â
Charlie turned to Emily as she flew down to join her.
âThatâs what the f**k Iâve been sayingâŚâ
Adam and Lute yelled at the women.
âDonât forget Hell is forever!â
Charlie and Emily jumped up onto the orb and sang side by side in defiance together, facing Sera, Adam, and Lute.
âIf Hell is forever, then Heaven must be a lie!â
âEmily!âSera cried, fear in her eyes.
Emily and Charlie continued.
âIf angels can do whatever and remain in the skyâŚ
The rules are shades of gray, when you donât do as you sayâŚ
When you make the wretched suffer just to kill them again!â
The orb then showed Luteâs menacing grin as she slashed her bloodstained curved sword against a background of flames. Charlie and Emily jumped off the orb.
Charlie then sang in a somber voice.
âI was told not to trust in angels...â
âBy her?â Adam laughed, mentioning to Vaggie with his outstretched arms.
Lute joined in, standing next to Vaggie, hands on her hips.
âHa! She should know.â
Fear laced Vaggieâs face.
âWe should go.â
âNo!â Charlie countered, holding Vaggieâs hands. âDonât you see, weâve come so close!â
âLook at them fighting. Theyâre confused the most.â
Adam scowled at the women.
âYou think that only Lute and I conspire?
Did you ever think your little girlfriend might be a liar?â
He grinned and waved his fingers.
âDonât Adam, please!âVaggie begged.
Adam smirked, turning his head to Vaggie. âWhatâs the fuss? You were one of us!â
He pulled Vaggie hard by the arm toward the orb and cupped her chin. He made Vaggie face Charlie and smiled, Lute grinning next to Vaggie. Adam and Lute finished:
âThereâs no need for strife. Why hide the fact that you were an angel in your past lifeeee?!â
Charlie froze in shock and horror at what she saw next. The orb showed an Exorcist killing a bunch of demonsâŚtaking off her maskâŚand sure enough, there was the face of Vaggieâs past self: short white hair, both eyes intact. Vaggieâs shadow morphed into a towering angel with outstretched wings and a halo, covering Charlie standing frightened against the golden Sera statue.
Sera held up a hand. She sighed and took a deep breath. Sadness flashed in her eyes.
Sera gasped softly as a horrific vision flashed before her eyes: Sera watching Lilith run from the garden, Lucifer and Lilith falling to Hell, Adam being promoted to his Exorcist statusâŚ
Worst of all was the Tree of Knowledge of Good and EvilâŚEve eating a glowing red apple, her eyes rolling over and her gasping for breath. Lucifer and Lilith watching in surprise as black tendrils branched off from inside the treeâŚentering into Eveâs mouth. The Earth being split as Sera and the angel elders watched the black tendrils snake across the Earthâs surface, spreading shadows and darkness. Red eyes appearing everywhere and a dark being morphing into a familiar pentagram planet.
Sera caught a glimpse of Eveâs face, hair obscuring her eyes. Then, her hair parted, revealing unnaturally large orange-red eyes, sharp teeth, and more black tendrils coming out of the eye sockets and mouth. The creature grinned and put a finger to her lips.
Just as quickly, it was gone. Sera shook as eyes appeared on her hair, dress, and teal blue ones on her crown. She breathed again and the eyes disappeared. She moved her hands over her eyes for a moment, letting out a soft choked gasp.
âIâm sorryâŚbut this court finds that there is no evidence that souls in Heaven can be redeemed.â
Charlie and Vaggie gasped in disbelief.
Adam posed and did rocker hand gestures. âOh f**k yes! I win!â He pointed at Charlie and Vaggie. âSuck it b*****s!â He flipped the bird with both fingers. Charlie and Vaggie backed up in fear as Adam advanced. âYou better save the date, c***s! âCuz weâre coming to your hotelâŚFIRST.â
Lute winked through her mask and Adam showed a demonic smile of yellow teeth before he snapped his fingers.
A glowing swirling golden portal appeared behind Charlie and Vaggie, sucking them back to Hell.
âYou mother fuâŚâ Vaggie began, as Charlie yelled a desperate, âWhat? No!â The women screamed as they vanished through the portal. The portal soon vanished and Adam waved.
Emily cried, âCharlie! Donât give up on this! Iâll figure something out! I promise!â
Sera was not pleased. âThat was uncalled for, Adam!â
Adam merely swaggered and laughed. âYeah, but did you see the looks on their f***ing faces?! It was d-dâŚâ He paused in embarrassment at the council giving him looks. âAhem, sorry.â
Adam, Lute, and the council then flew off, leaving the Seraphim sisters alone up top.
Emily turned away from Sera, tears in her eyes. âExterminationâŚof human souls?!â She turned around. âDemon or not, there is no reason to be doing this!â
More eyes appeared on Seraâs hair, dress, and crown before blinking away. âThey were uprising, Emily. It is my position as the Head Seraphim to protect our people at all costs.â She held Emilyâs hands in hers. âAnd itâs your position to keep them happy and joyful.â
Emily pulled away. âHow can I bring joy when I now know we are bringing misery to thousands of innocent people?â
Sera explained. âHeaven needs us, Emily. Everyone looks to us. And we canât doubt ourselves or worry about the fates of demons when we have our own souls to protect.â
Sera then looked at Emily in the eyes, hiding a deep fear. âPleaseâŚif you start to question, you could end up like Lucifer: FALLEN. I couldnât bear to see you suffer that fate. So please, let me worry about this, okay?â
Sera lightly kissed Emily on the head, cupping her cheeks before sadly muttering, âIâm sorry.â
Sera left. Emily glanced down at Adamâs gold piece of paper and put her hand on it. She hoped that Charlie and her friends could help figure things out.
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Hazbin Hotel Helluva Scribe Episodes 1-8 remake changes with Spoilers!
Changes:
Vaggie Exorcist arc extended
Carmilla arc and family extended
Sir Pentious spy for Vox longer
More backstories for Sera and Emily in "Welcome to Heaven"
New arc orders:
Intro: The Story of Hell extended (Roo is the secret freed villain)
E1: âOvertureâ The making of the Hazbin Hotel commercial, Charlieâs dad tells her about angel meeting in a few days, she sings âHappy Day in Hellâ
E2: âIn Hazbins We Trustâ Vox and Vees meet to try and bring down the hotel, Sir Pentious arrives with hidden camera, rhyming game and skit, trust exercises, Vaggie learning to trust more people not just Charlie
E3: âRadio Killed The Video Starâ Vox and Vees meet to try and bring down the hotel, Vox commercials, Vox and Alastor battle, Sir Pentious is finally caught and he apologizes âStayed Goneâ âIt Starts With Sorryâ
E4: âMasqueradeâ Angel with Val voicemails, Angel Dust and Valentino events from âMasquerade,â Angel and Husk duet (Addict flashbacks) âPoisonâ âLoser, Babyâ
E5: âScrambled Eggsâ Carmilla backstory, Carmilla killed the angel and was able to because she was protecting her daughters. Adam and Lute discover the body. Carmilla vs Velvet at the Overlord meeting, Alastor sends Egg Bois for spying, âRespectless,â âWhatever it Takesâ
E6: âThe Dickmasterâ Charlie meets with Adam and Lute, Adam is angry and shows Charlie the picture. Charlie tells him she doesnât know who killed the angel, and Adam remarks it has never happened before. He moves the extermination up to 6 months (due to the concern that Hell will want to start a war like the Vees after the Exorcists weakness is revealed) and warns her âitâll be every month if you insult me again.â The episode ends with Charlie yelling âshitâ and pounding on the door, 666 news broadcast, Adam claiming all of Hell will fall breaking the projector with evil grin
E7: âDad Beat Dadâ Charlieâs Mommy issues and lesser daddy issues. Alastor threatens Husk.Aalstor meets Mimzy and protects the hotel, After flashbacks with Alastor and Mimzy as humans, Mimzy leaves tearfully after Alastor decides to devote his loyalty to the hotel due to being under contract with Lilith. (There is hope that Cherri and Mimzy can come back and redeemâŚor will they want to?)Lucifer enters the hotel, Lucifer vs Alastor song battle, Lucifer explains to Charlie the story of his banishment and Charlie has a childhood flashback. Lucifer apologizes for not being around more for Charlie, he had been so engrossed in his projects and wanting to do things his own way in Hell. He warns Charlie that talking to the angels would be hard, also apologizing for not coming with her to see Adam, as he did not want to confront the man who tried to dominate his wife and had them both banished.
E8:âMoth to the Hell FlameâVaggie Exorcist backstory, Emily and Charlie bonding, Lute jealous of Vaggie being favored by Adam, wanted to be called âPussyâ by him
E9: âCherri Bombâs Away!â Angel Dust and Cherri Bomb and the gang go out on the town.
E10: âWelcome to Heavenâ Charlie and Vaggie enter Heaven⌠(extended scenes with Molly), Charlie and Vaggie pled their case to the council of Sir Pentious instead of Angel. Due to Sera being under orders from a higher power not to reveal how Sinners can get into Heaven or about the full brutality of the Exorcists â it wants to keep heaven oblivious, it sees through Seraâs own eyes, Sera has no choice to but to let Adam win. Sera and Emily extended talk, Emily wants to help Charlie and tells Sera that she is not just a little sister anymore. Adam reveals that Vaggie was a former Exorcist in her past (past life?) shocking Charlie and claiming heâll unleash his attack on the hotel in one month.
(Seraphim Sisters extended scenes)
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Hazbin Hotel S1 E1: "Overture: The Story of Hell" Introduction
âOnce upon a time, there was a glowing golden city protected by Golden Gates known as Heaven. God created the universe and remained in the background to see how His creations would learn and grow. Heaven was ruled by beings of pure light. Many were Seraphim and Ophanim hybrids, beings whose heads were golden flames, a large eye in the center, surrounded by spinning wheels with eyes on them. They wore white robes and had six large white wings with more eyes on them. Some were smaller and some were larger. These beings worshipped good and shielded all from evil. Many theorized that Sera, a Seraphim woman, protected the universe from a chaotic dark being with red eyes that may have been called Roo. Sera had a younger sister, Emily, who desired peace, music, and love for everyone.
Lucifer was one of these powerful, six-winged angels. He was a dreamer with fantastical ideas for all of creation. He would sing incredible songs, and conjure vibrant fireworks and confetti with his magic. But he was seen as a troublemaker by the Elders of Heaven, for they felt his way of thinking was dangerous to the order of their world. They considered his ideas and creations âtoo loud,â âtoo wild,â âtoo materially focused.â So Lucifer somberly watched as the angels began to expand the universe in their ways. Sera, the Seraphim leader, helped create Earth and approved the idea to create a new race: mankind. From the dust of the Earth, the angels created the first man, Adam, and the first woman, Lilith in the Garden of Eden. Earth was intended to be a beautiful paradise where the animals, plants, and humans lived in harmony. Adam and Lilith were created as equals, the first of mankind. Adam was strong, beautiful, and blonde, as was Lilith, with her golden blond hair, reaching past her curvy waist.
But despite this, Adam demanded control, dominance in intercourse and daily life. Lilith refused to submit to his will, and she fled the Garden. Drawn in by her fierce independence, Lucifer found her, and the two rebellious dreamers fell deeply in love. Lucifer comforted her as she sat with her head in her hands. He held her hands in his. Lucifer knew that Lilith was supposed to stay with Adam, but he was captivated by her stunning beauty and personality. He saw himself in her: an individual stuck in a limiting environment where creativity and autonomy were disregarded. Lucifer and Lilith wished to share the magic of Free Will with humanity. Eve, Adamâs second wife, sat next to the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Lucifer, in serpent form, slid down from the branches and materialized in his angel form to Eve, Lilith standing faithfully by his side. The two of them told Eve about the freedom and knowledge she could obtain from eating the glowing red alluring apples from the tree.
Little did they know that the tree of opposites was connected to a dark mysterious being of chaos. It was warned that the Tree of Knowledge was dangerous, for free will had both its good and bad aspects to it. The Tree of Life, in contrast, was purely divine and neutral. Lucifer offered the fruit of knowledge to Adamâs new bride, Eve, who gladly accepted. Eve, too, grew tired of Adamâs dominating ways. She ate the glowing red fruit. (You will notice that in this version, Adam did not eat the fruit, therefore he was pardoned by God and Heaven. To further protect Heaven and ensure order, God granted Adam his angelic powers after his earthly death.) The gift of free will came with a curse. With this single act of disobedience, evil finally found its way into Earth.
What was this kind of evil? Black eldritch tendrils formed a clawed hand that grasped the new planet Earth. The primordial Roo-t force that counteracted the divine light of Sera and God and the beings of light and order. While God desired creation, the opposing force Roo craved destruction. Love manifested as kindness, forgiveness, family, understanding, and creativity, among many other things. Sin manifested itself as rape, murder, lust, and a misuse of human choice in general. The more the angels and demons fought, the stronger Roo became. Eve had opened up a Pandoraâs box of knowledge, unknowingly allowing the force to break free from its root prison. With it, a new realm of darkness and sin was born; covered with red eyes, a realm that would eventually become Hell. The order that Heaven had worked to maintain was shattered. Earth had a metaphorical deep crack that tore through it, sending Sera and the angels reeling back in shock.
Eve, Lucifer, and Lilith, of course, did not know of the hidden evil inside the Tree, for they were only focused on the good that could come of out the knowledge of free will. (Why God had no guards to protect the Tree, no one knows). As punishment for their reckless act, Heaven cast Lucifer and his love into the dark pit he had created. (Notice that in this version, Lucifer and Lilith fell at the same time. Lucifer did not appear to hate humanity as an angel, nor appeared to be jealous that God favored them over the angels. What of the rebel angels and Godâs angels fighting? What of Michael? Perhaps more will be known.) Soon, Lucifer was unable to see the good that came from humanityâŚonly the wicked. Humanity grew more into sin, the more that they had forgotten about GodâŚand the more Rooâs power spread. Ashamed, Lucifer lost his will to dream, instead manifesting his powers to create his own circus-like kingdom in Hell. For if he could not help humanity, he could at least rule over the former humans who had died, allowing them to sin how they wished, despite their suffering. Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven.
As for Eve? No one really knows what became of her. She may have been left to die on Earth. She may have fallen to Hell, waiting for a chance to help humanity and make amends.
Or perhapsâŚshe had been corrupted by the primordial force itself, becoming a vessel for the feminine Roo to enact her dark destructive desires. The universe itself was being tugged at by powerful legends: one man-turned angel who wanted perfection, one sinister force who wanted destruction, one woman-turned demon queen who wanted freedom, one fallen angel who wanted creation, and one innocent woman hopelessly caught in the middle.
While Lucifer and Eve felt lost, Lilith thrived, empowering demonkind with her voice and her songs, and as the numbers of Hell grew, so did its power.
Threatened by this, Heaven made a truly heartless decision. Even Sera herself, somberly agreed to this, for she felt there was no other choice. The evil had spread to Earth, so why couldnât it eventually reach Heaven? For the angels, sinners and demons in Hell were already assumed to be corrupted forever by the dark force. So every year, Adam, now the Exorcist general, would send down an army, an extermination to ensure that Hell and its sinners could never rise against them. Lucifer himself agreed to this, for by allowing the exterminations to occur, the royal family was spared from their attacks. The first man was slaughtering his own descendants, cocky of his elevated status. But Lilithâs hope remainedâŚand her dream was passed down to their precious daughter, Charlie Morningstar, the Princess of Hell.
Charlie, heartbroken by the recent extermination of her people, vowed she would do something to change things. Lilithâs fiery power flowed through her daughterâs veins, yet Luciferâs angelic dreamy nature was also passed down to Charlie. In essence, Charlie was both demon and angel, a subtle symbol of hope and unity of the two afterlife realms. With the help of her girlfriend Vaggie and her goat guards Razzle and Dazzle, she pitched her idea to Hellâs 666 News Station. Charlieâs dream was to create a rehabilitation hotel called âThe Happy Hotel,â a safe refuge where sinners could find friendships and work on healing themselves of their sins. With more ex-human sinners being redeemed, they could potentially go to Heaven and be reunited with their âwinnerâ former human family counterparts. Heaven would gain more denizens, thus Hell would also be cured of the over-population problem. Carmilla Carmine was a woman who made and sold angelic weapons to demons, weapons that could kill anyone, even angels themselves.
The news anchors, Katie Killjoy and Tom Trench, mocked Charlieâs idea, claiming that no one in Hell would think twice about becoming a better person. Charlieâs song was disregarded, too. A spider demon, Angel Dust, soon arrived at the old hotel building, after helping his partner in crime, Cherri Bomb fight a serpent inventor called Sir Pentious. Burdened by drugs and his pimp boss, Valentino, Angel Dust accepted the offer to help Charlie in exchange for free room and board. It wasnât long before Charlieâs mother sent a powerful demon to protect Charlie, Alastor the Radio Demon. He agreed to help Charlie start her hotelâŚif only to manifest his own chaos along the way. Lilith had vanished for seven years, working to create a rebellion against the angels. She and Lucifer knew of the dangers of trying to convince the angels to redeem sinners: they feared Charlie would be hurt just as they once were hurt by Heaven. But at the same time, they admired Charlieâs determination to dreamâŚbut thought she wasnât ready to know the whole story.
More individuals arrived and stayed at the hotel: Sir Pentious, Angel Dust, the hyper cyclops maid Niffty, and the gambling bartender cat demon Husk. Later characters would include Baxter the fish scientist, Alastorâs flapper friends Mimzy and Rosie, among others. Thanks to Alastor, the Happy Hotel was changed to the Hazbin Hotel.
But there were more villains besides Adam, and his right-hand woman, Lute. Many Overlords ruled Hell, exerting their authority over businesses and souls in Hell. The Three villainous Vs were powerful former humans who worked together to dominate Pentagram City: Vox the hypnotizing TV demon, Valentino, owner of Porn Studios and Velvet, the demon of social media. They wanted nothing more than to kill the angel invaders, brainwash their subjects, and make Charlieâs redemption plan fail. For the more people they could get under their control, the more power they could keep.
In a complex universe where good and evil breeds in every realm, Charlie must gather the courage to stand up for whatâs right, allow her companions to grow on their own, and use her magical musical powers to help heal the rifts caused by centuries of chaotic confusion.
The large red book closed, the words âThe Story of Hellâ shining in gold letters on the cover. Charlie gripped the black Sinnerâs Key, after it hovered above her hand, a gold aura around it.
âDonât worry, Mom, Iâll make you proud.â
The Hazbin Hotel is now open! Enjoy your stay!
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2P Heaven Hotel Characters: Core
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2P Heaven Hotel Characters: Frank Myrth
Frank Myrth (formerly Devil Grit) (named after the incense) a dragonfly angel â was once a former human, now a winner angel. He is strongly against drugs, drinking, sex, and swearing of all kinds. He is reserved, a loner, but likes Phalla (reverse Vaggie). He was dragonfly wings with feathers that makes him speedy in the air. He loves his feet and likes to do research/business. Rumor has it he was once part of a police force against mafias.Â
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2P Heaven Hotel Characters: Klutzy
Klutzy - Niffty's opposite. Klutzy is a grumpy, sloppy, and cynical ex human. She loves women, Coercia, and hates men. She spends her time lazing around, playing video games and eating junk food. She was created from ice and likes to order people around. She is like Mandy from "The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy."Â
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2P Heaven Hotel Characters: Stalaro
Stalaro - Alastor's opposite, a dog angel. Like Alastor, he was once a human but is now a winner/angel in Heaven. Sad, shy, and pansexual, Stalaro loves dogs, sweets, and electronic music. If he were in Hell, he'd love Angel Dust, but is instead bossed around by Coercia.
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2P Heaven Hotel Characters: Phalla
Phalla is Vaggie's opposite. (Phalla from "phallus"). She is a gullible, cheerful and romantic butterfly angel who hates violence and conflict. She is in love with Devil Grit and is easily manipulated into following Coercia's rules. Like Vaggie, she was a former human on Earth, but got into Heaven as a "winner."Â
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2P Heaven Hotel Characters: Coerciona Vesper
PRINCESS COERCIONA VESPER (2P Charlie) (Comes from the term âcoerceâ meaning to threaten people â her last name is Vesper, âevening prayerâ in contrast to Charlieâs last name âMorning Starâ after her father Lucifer).
Everything you love about the main protagonist Charlie Morningstar, lacks in Coercia. Spoiled, selfish, cruel, and entitled, this dark princess wants nothing more than to see demons and sinners destroyed. She is a rebel, who is served by her creepy hungry cherub babies GRUB and CHUB who eat, protect her and help carry her fiery electric guitars. Ironically, she isnât always keen to follow Heavenâs strict rules. To stir up trouble and to prove to the denizens of her power, she creates the âHeaven Hotelâ a place where denizens can indulge in moderate sinâŚprovided they follow her rules. Unlike lesbian Charlie, Coercia is straight and has a crush on Adam, leader of the Exorcists! (She doesnât know the sinner-hating angel used to be a human!) Coercia likes musicals but she is more of a rock/punk star than Charlie.
Coercia appearance: Pale white skin like Charlieâs but with dark teal spots on each cheek. Her hair is long and black, in a similar wavy style to Charlieâs but decorated with barbed wire. Her eyes are dark blue like a freezing ocean, in contrast to Charlieâs crimson red eyes. Her long pants and suit are dark teal, black high heels, her undershirt is black with white buttons, and her bowtie is white. She has a spiky black halo over her head and black feathery angel wings. She had the bloodlust of an Exorcist, despite not being one. She frequently carries weapons like holy daggers and spears. Her favorite accessory is onyx bracelets covered with eyes.
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Coerciona has a crush on Adam and expresses her desire to be an Exorcist. She shows off her breasts to him and he gets an orgasm. Lute, of course, is mad and tells her to leave. âIâm the Exorcist general, and you havenât seen life beyond your palace walls!â âIâm a princess whoâs studied your armyâs moves and trained on her own.â Coerciona says she will gladly be dominated by him on the weekdays but on holy days she would âride him like an imp.â Adam is not pleased and claims that all women must be subordinate to him 24/7 and that she is too rebellious like Lilith. Coerciona seethes and says that unlike Lilith, sheâd gladly listen to the sounds of Adamâs fingers cracking one by one. Adam shakes his head and says âYouâre sexy but Iâm with Lute and youâre not canon!â He then sends his Exorcists after her âSlap that thot princess!â, which she proceeds to knock all of them out singlehandedly. Coerciona stomps on Luteâs throat and was about to finish her but Adam blasts her away with his magic guitar. Coerciona then warns that she ranks above Adam and that she could still beat him in a rock concert and tells Adam to âBe a good little horned man and make sure that Charlie and her puny hotel gang gets demolished!â before angrily flying back to her 2P world. Adam briefly gulps in fear and remarks that heâs glad heâs with Lute in the canon world most of the time.
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