#this episode struck a bit of a nerve with those talks about it like damn

[crankynewt]

Good for a Weekend (Helmut Zemo)

Masterlist

Summary: You were retired, a disgraced Avenger content living the rest of their life out in solitude. But Sam and Bucky's shenanigans dragged you back into the hero life and you found yourself face to face with the man who'd got you into this mess in the first place. The question is, however, is he really who you thought he was? Or are you just as crazy as him?

Pairing: Helmut Zemo x Reader

Warnings: TFAWS Episode 3 Spoilers, Zemo (he's a warning), swearing, mentions of torture and experimenting (past), drinking, Zemo being semi-protective, I think that's it??

Word Count: 3.41k

Author's Note: Biting the bullet and writing this BEFORE Marvel does something to get us to hate him again. Also, ZEMO AND BLANK SPACE WORK SO WELL TOGETHER OMG.

“You’ve got to be shitting me.” You murmured, looking at the message from Sam flashing across your phone. Although you had stopped dead in your tracks, the chaos of the bustling streets of London continued around you. You pushed your sunglasses further up your nose, them having fallen down as you were peering at the screen of your burner cell.

‘Need your help in Madripoor ASAP,’ the text read. You weren’t daft, you knew exactly what kind of lawless entropy happened on that Indonesian island and if Sam was asking for your help, that meant he was in some deep shit.

‘I’m retired,’ you replied, glancing over your shoulder out of habit. Although you’d been pardoned after the Berlin incident by the government, you were still a disgraced Avenger in the eyes of the world. All you wanted was to live the rest of your life out in peace, a future without the world-saving you began when you left HYDRA with the Maximoff twins.

You hadn’t chosen to become a human lab rat, tortured and exposed to the mind stone until you could suddenly hear the thoughts of others in your head. Telepathy and telekinesis were not necessarily the kind of special skills that employers wanted to see on a resume, but alas, here you were. Thankfully, however, you'd learned to block them out until necessary to violate people's privacy. Fighting aliens and other superpowered entities, including the people you’d once considered to be your family, were in the past.

‘Please. It’s Bucky,’ Sam messaged again. Those three words were enough to make your blood run cold and your heart stop. Bucky was the reason you were in this mess in the first place, and you would be damned if the ex-assassin was going to fall back into the clutches of evil.

With a sigh, you typed back ‘fine’ and began the trek towards your apartment. Your phone was vibrating again immediately, Sam explaining that they would be picking you up at a small airstrip on the edge of the city.

Three hours later, you were walking along a long, concrete runway, the harsh England wind attacking your body as you pulled your leather jacket tighter around you. Your brows furrowed in confusion at the sight of a civilian jet rather than the military-esque vessels you’d become accustomed to. The steps were awaiting your ascent with an older man stood adjacent to the entrance.

“Ms.(Y/L/N),” he greeted. A thick accent laced his tone, one you couldn’t quite determine from the crackling of age in his voice. German or Russian, most likely, you deduced. Attempting to be polite despite your skepticism, you gave him a tight-lipped smile and handshake before the elder man gestured towards the stairs for you. Entering the jet, you turned right to be met with the familiar faces of Sam and Bucky.

“(Y/N)!” Bucky exclaimed, rising from his seat and embracing you in a hug. He held you tightly against his body, almost as if he wasn’t sure you were really there. The super soldier had taken a liking to you when the two of you stayed in Wakanda during your exile, both of you having a certain understanding of the other due to your shared experiences with HYDRA. The sergeant had become somewhat of a brother to you in your time away together. “What are you doing here?”

“Sam messaged me.” You replied, Barnes’ arms immediately releasing you as he whipped around to face Sam.

“You tattled on me to (Y/N)?” He scoffed. If looks could kill, Sam would have dropped dead from the darkness in Bucky’s orbs.

“Wait, if he’s okay then what am I here for?” You said, shifting your gaze to Sam as you raised a brow.

“You’re here to make sure that he stays in line.” Sam snapped, crossing his arms over his chest as Bucky let out an exasperated ‘Jesus Christ’ under his breath.

“Bucky’s fine, Sam.” You replied, rubbing your face with your hand in annoyance as you glanced at the super-soldier.

“He’s not talking about James.” A new voice sounded from behind you, one both vaguely familiar but also strange. Whipping around, you were met with a face you’d only ever seen through a screen. Zemo.

“What the fuck is he doing out of prison?!” You exclaimed, looking between Sam and Bucky in utter disbelief.

“Bucky broke him out of jail!” Sam exclaimed, pointing a finger towards the super-soldier.

“Sam’s the one who pulled me into this mess!” Bucky pointed back.

“You two morons have reached a whole new level of dumbassery!” You exclaimed, keeping a cautious gaze on Zemo in the corner of your eye. “You broke out the man who ripped apart the Avengers out of jail and you let him do it?! The same man who killed King T’Chaka! Do neither of you remember what T’Challa and the people of Wakanda just did for us after we became enemies of the state?! I cannot believe that you would betray their trust and help this monster to escape!”

You paused for a moment, breathing heavily as you looked at the ashamed faces of Bucky and Sam in front of you.

“I’m sorry to-” You heard Zemo begin, you turned to face him with utter rage shining in your eyes. “No! The grown-ups are talking, you can wait your turn.” You scolded him, almost as you would a child but just a tad harsher. Grown-ups may have also not have been the best choice of words to describe Wilson and Barnes.

“I don’t want any part of this suicide mission!” You snapped at the duo, moving to leave.

Thirty minutes later, however, you were still on the jet, glaring into a pair of brown eyes as the four of you flew through the air. Honestly, you couldn’t believe you were still there, but Sam and Bucky knew you too well and pushed just the right buttons to convince you to stay. Sam needed you to tap into Zemo’s mind if need be to figure out if he was planning on betraying them, and you didn’t want two of the last people you trust getting themselves killed if you could prevent it.

Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum were sitting across from each other, meaning that you got stuck sitting across from the Baron in silence. He shifted uncomfortably under your gaze, the darkness in your (Y/E/C) orbs not sitting well with the man.

“So, you read minds.” He began, rubbing his hands together anxiously. You noted the nervous tick and couldn’t help but feel amused at his discomfort, but your expression never faltered.

“You don’t need to make small talk.” You bit, your icy tone growing colder in every syllable.

“I’m genuinely curious, is all.” He began, pausing his fiddling to brush his hair back only to resume it once more. “It just seems like for someone with your abilities, you’re often an overlooked member of the team. You’re the most powerful, even more so than Maximoff or Banner, perhaps, yet you were never truly an Avenger, were you?”

“It doesn’t matter, I’m retired.” You muttered, ending your glaring to gaze out the window. The way Zemo spoke about you was unsettling, especially considering how he felt about the Avengers. He seemed not to think that you were part of the team, similarly to Bucky, and that brought you a feeling of unease.

“And why is that?” Zemo pushed, your avoidance evidence that he’d struck a chord.

“Why do you care?” You scoffed, looking back at the Sokovian man, both annoyance and exhaustion present in your tone.

“Because I think you’re like me.” He answered, his tone becoming quieter. Zemo didn’t look at you with the same rage you’d seen in footage from 2016, nor with the amusement that he gazed at Bucky and Sam with. No, it was something different, softer and analytical, perhaps. You wanted to peer into his mind for something, anything to figure out what he was thinking, but he would likely feel your prodding into his consciousness. As of now, he didn’t seem to have any plans to betray you guys, and you wouldn’t be the one to give him a reason.

“That’s enough from you.” Bucky interrupted, rising from his seat to switch places with you, his brotherly possessiveness clear as day.

The rest of the flight was uneventful, and Zemo provided the three of you with costumes for the roles you were to play in Madripoor. Yours seemed to have been designed specifically to be horribly uncomfortable, both in feel and the amount of skin that was exposed in the cool evening air. The three of you were making your way towards the glowing city shining in the distance, the nerves in your stomach rising with each step.

“Only an American would assume a fashion-forward Black man looks like a pimp.” Zemo explained in response to Sam’s protests over his own outfit. “You look exactly like the man you’re supposed to be playing. The sophisticated, charming African rake named Conrad Mack, aka the Smiling Tiger.”

“He even has a bad nickname.” Sam said, looking at the picture of Conrad on the phone Zemo had just handed him. “Hell, he does look like me though.”

“And who am I supposed to be playing, exactly?” You questioned, still unsure as to what role you would be playing in this scheme.

“My partner,” Zemo said simply, an amused smile working his way onto his lips.

“What?! No! Nu-uh, I’m not doing that!” You protested, Sam chuckling at your denial of what was probably inevitable.

“Would you rather the alternative of all of us getting slaughtered the second we step foot into the city?” Zemo retorted, still humored by your resistance.

“Fine, but if you try anything I’m going to break your nose.” You gave in.

"I wouldn't expect anything less."

Soon, the four of you were making your way into a bar, Helmut’s arm wrapped tightly around your waist since the second you exited the car in a mock possessiveness. It was all part of the charade, you had to remind yourself, as the Baron kept your side pressed against his snugly.

Making your way up to the counter, the bartender didn’t look impressed to see the group of you there as he made his way over to you.

“Hello,” He began. “Wasn’t expecting you, Smiling Tiger.”

“His plans changed. We have a business to do, with Selby.” Zemo interjected before Sam could respond.

“The usual?” The bartender ignored Zemo and turned his attention back to Sam, who simply gave a curt nod in response. The bartender turned, grabbing a snake from a jar and slicing it down the underside with a blade. A part of you wanted to cackle, especially seeing Sam stiffen beside you, and you didn’t doubt that Bucky was having to restrain himself as well. Zemo didn’t seem surprised as the bartender pulled who knows what out from the snake and placed it into a glass.

“Smiling Tiger, your favorite.” The Baron commented, the bartender sliding Sam his beverage only to pour two glasses of a different liquor for Zemo and yourself.

“I love these,” Sam said, raising to clink glasses with yourself and the Sokovian man whose arm was still draped around you.

“Cheers, Conrad,” Zemo replied, smiling back at poor Sam. The three of you downed your burning liquor, Sam struggling the most out of the three of you, clearly appalled by the organ at the bottom of his shot. You could see Bucky give a little nod in the corner of your eye, knowing he must be finding this as amusing as you were.

A man soon approached Helmut from behind, tapping him on the shoulder before he turned to face the stranger, shifting you with him. When Zemo felt the little nudge, he immediately pulled you closer to him. You were even tighter against him now, so much so that you had to wrap an arm around him as well to stabilize yourself. It was almost as if he was trying to shield you from the man despite him knowing full well that you can hold your own.

“I got word from on high; you ain’t welcome here.” He spat, getting too close to the two of you for either of your likings. But Zemo kept his air of indifference while you instinctually moved closer into his side. It’s all an act, remember? You have to play the part of the clingy partner who would get frightened at such a rough man threatening you two. Or at least, that’s what you told yourself.

“I have no business with the Power Broker, but if he insists, he can either come and talk to me…” Zemo began, trailing off as he gestured to Bucky.

“New haircut?” The strange man asked Bucky, who merely glowered in response.

“Or bring Selby for a chat.” Zemo finished, this time him being the one to get into the man’s face. Thankfully that was enough to send him away, most likely to Selby or this Power Broker who seems to be Madripoor’s own version of Big Brother.

You could feel Zemo let out a breath that you don’t think he even knew he was holding, giving a quick glance down at you before placing a peck on your temple. For the facade, of course. But what wasn’t fake were the butterflies rise in your stomach, something that you hadn’t felt in a long time. Were you… Flustered?

No, you reminded yourself internally. This was a very bad man holding you close, the same one who killed the former King of Wakanda and ripped your team to shreds. Not only that, but he hated all the Avengers, so why did he seem to like you? It doesn’t matter whether or not he likes you, he’s Zemo. But the more time you spent with him, the more intoxicated you became. He was starting to look more and more like your next mistake, and love is certainly not a game you wanted to be playing with him. Right?

The next thirty or so minutes were a blur. Bucky having to fake being the Winter Soldier to kick a bunch of men’s asses to finally meeting up with Selby, only for Sam to break your cover through a phone call and Selby quickly being shot. The four of you promptly exited the bar, attempting to remain inconspicuous until bounty hunters from all around started shooting at you. Bucky and Sam jumped forward, meanwhile, Zemo darted to the right, dragging you with him as he moved his hand from your waist to interlock your fingers.

You cut through alleyway after alleyway, hiding in the shadows as gunfire echoed around you. Eventually, you managed to catch up with Bucky and Sam, approaching the pair with your hand still in his.

“Well this is too perfect.” A female voice interrupted your mini-reunion, Sharon Carter emerging from the shadows as she ripped down her hood, gun fixated on Zemo.

“Drop it Zemo,” She started, Zemo raising his gun-holding hand before lowering the weapon to the ground. “You cost me everything.”

“Sharon, wait.” You reasoned, raising your hand as you slowly backed up.

“What, are you his lover now? His sugar baby or some shit?” She badgered you, causing your eyes to widen as you only just remembered that you were still holding his hand. You quickly dropped it, raising it to match your other arm as Zemo sent you a look that you couldn’t decipher. Oh, how desperately you wanted to look into his mind, but the little bit of sanity left in you told you to leave it be.

“Someone recreated the super-soldier serum and Zemo had a lead,” Sam explained.

“That explains why you guys are here. And Selby’s dead.” Sharon replied, gun still pointed at your group.

“So what are you doing here?” Bucky questioned the blonde.

“I stole Steve’s shield, remember? I also took the wings for your ass so that you could save his ass from his ass and became a criminal with their ass.” She explained, pointing the gun at each mention of whoever's ass it was that turn. “Unlike you, I didn’t have the Avengers to back me up, so, I’m off the grid in Madripoor.”

“Hey, don’t blow that smoke. I was on the run, too.” Sam rebutted Sharon’s complaints.

“Was. Is. Big difference. I don’t speak to my family anymore - I can’t. My own father doesn’t know where I am.”

“Listen…” You began. “Sharon, we need your help, the former agent only laughing in response. “Please.”

“This isn’t over.” She conceded, shaking her head at you. “I have a place in High Town, you should be safe there for a while.”

Sharon’s place was definitely nicer than yours is now, and you’re not even on the run anymore. She, thankfully, had a change of clothes for you to slip into, the soft material much a welcome relief from the tortuous item Zemo had you wearing.

While you were waiting for Sharon’s guests to begin arriving for whatever event would soon be taking place downstairs, everybody slowly filtered out of the room until it was only Zemo and yourself remaining.

“Can I ask you a question?” You spoke up, breaking the silence from your spot on the sofa as you glanced towards the Baron seated across the room.

“Ask away.” He smiled, taking a sip from the amber liquid in his glass.

“What did you mean earlier, when you said we were the same.” Your voice was quiet now, so much so that you weren’t sure if he’d even heard you. That is until he got up from his seat and slowly walked towards you.

“I never wanted to tear the Avengers apart, not until they killed my family. Destroyed my city… Sure, I didn’t like them, but I didn’t want to destroy them. It was all about vengeance.” He began, sitting beside you on the yellow fabric. “For you, it was HYDRA who ruined your life. You joined the Avengers because it was where the last people you had left were going and it was the easiest way for you to ensure the organization was destroyed. You never wanted the idolization that came with being a hero, and it was clear when your work was done that you had no desire to keep going. Everything that came after the Sokovia Accords was out of survival.”

“I’m not saying you're right,” you began, “but what would that make me, then? Insane? Cause that seems to be the running theory.”

“You’re not crazy, despite how rumors fly. Neither am I, really.” He began, eliciting a small smile from you at the last bit he added. “You’re a fighter, someone doing whatever it takes to get their agenda done. Whether that means breaking the law or joining the Avengers, nothing will stop you once you put your mind to it - it’s one of the things I admire about you.”

You pursed your lips as you focused on the amber fluid floating in its crystalline home, him taking another sip of the burning liquid. Your gaze shifted back to his face, and oh god, look at that face. Maybe it was the liquor in your system already or maybe your last bit of sanity was finally escaping your mind, but suddenly his past didn’t seem to matter anymore. You had plenty of red on your ledger as well, and the more he spoke the more you began to sympathize with him.

“So you admire me?” You smirked, crossing your arms as you tilted your head slightly to the right playfully.

“Why don’t you look into my mind and tell me?” He replied. Reaching out, you gently placed your fingers against his temple as you gazed into his consciousness. Flashes of magic and madness, ideas of a love that could be forever or go down in flames. You didn’t go searching deeper, because your own mind was racing. Would pursuing this be worth all the pain that could very well follow? No, not could, would. You’d be betraying your former teammates, but what did that matter much anymore.

Rather than pulling your hand away, you placed your lips gently on his, tentatively, even. He tasted of expensive liquor and a hint of peppermint, and you found yourself intoxicated. The kiss ended far too soon for your liking, him pulling away so his brown orbs could gaze into your own.

“So… What do you say?” He asked, cupping your cheek in his hand, you place your own over top of his.

“Why not?” You smiled back, reconnecting your lips to his.

“I can make the bad guys good for a weekend.”

Taglist:

@fanfictionedagain @lam-ila @b0nnyzz @haydieenzzibug @cyanide-mustard @duchess-of-new-shire @the-chocoholic-writer @milenadixon @real-fbi @golddenlioness

#i feel so guilty writing this lmao #i hate liking zemo rip #helmut zemo #zemo #helmut zemo x reader #tfaws #marvel #baron zemo #helmut zemo imagine #daniel bruhl #mcu #tfaws imagine #bucky barnes #sam wilson #zemo x reader #zemo imagine

[anonil88]

The L Word Gen Q S4 E4

I got into Texas and almost immediately sat down to watch the new episode. I feel a bit like trash but

Oh fuck he really was frauding like they hinted at in the first season wowwww. Dani is about to be broke unless that is what those papers were for.

At least she is aware she is too good for a man child.

Finley following a passion, I like that.

Not her asking Finley out on a date, even though it could be just as a friend date bot more. I think it even makes Sophie uncomfortable that she even asked that. I get wanting to move on but using a

Shane really heard Alice's mom brought up and said,

Once a flirt always a flirt.

Bette looks the fuck good.

The only person that can find Dani is Sophie.

Aw there is a common understanding and these two actually get along that's nice. I wonder if this is her actual sister, the actors I mean.

Tess and Shane, sitting in a tree k.i.s.s.i.n.g. Also Tess said you're cute but watch you ruin the projector, so stop.

LMFAO HER MOM IS IN A MLM

No Alice, you broke up with Nat and then ran the fuck away without an explanation. With 2 fucking kids who had grown attached to her and that is why people don't introduce new partners to their children.

Uncle Shane is my favorite thing especially in the bowling jacket.

Shane's dad is an A 1 dickhead and ruined a perfect situation because of his own faults.

Thankyou Shane for asking what it is Angie needed.

Lol I love that they made Angie's highschool issues of your girlfriend being prom queen but that isn't your vibe. Also I'm glad Shane affirmed her urge to go to therapy.

Dani does have avoidant attachment issues, at least they were together for so long that Sophie knows how to side step that.

Ugh seeing Finn so happy is great but is also concerning. I may not like their character much but I would love to see some growth.

Thankyou Micah for being a voice of reason, Sophie asked for time and she never said it was a date. She just wanted to hangout.

Bette could come hunt for me in my artist den any day, but also I feel like Bette is going to fall for this artist. I really hope not because Gigi is a real winner.

I wish Sophie and Dani could just tru things out again because seeing Sophie melt immediately to Dani's touch is everything.

I hope they get Kehlani's music in season 3.

Sophie wants Dani so bad, but she knows they shouldn't do any of this without talking about intimacy or where they want to go first. AND, Sophie needs to break it to Finn that she is viewing them platonically.

Damn Bette is persistent as hell and nervous. Her voice has been trembling with nerves since the first time she talked to this woman. OMG Bette Porter is star struck.

Can Sophie stop lying? Please. Not only to others but to herself. I get being honest is hard but, she needs to because it's clear where she wants to be. If that is both places then its both places but she needs to be honest about it.

Ugh Bette's coat is gorgeous and I hope she meets Angie at the middle of this conversation. Also Angie going to see a therapist on her own was a giant step, as is her being the mediator between her moms.

Tom was annoying last episode, but this one he is much much better. I'm glad he is bringing up Dana because it is a sore topic for everyone but especially Alice.

Ugh so this is making me tear up because grief is so so painful and it never ends. Even when you move on it still sits with you some days.

Lmfao he typed that down quick.

Oh okay Micah! Does he have a crush on Sophie's sister? Omg please tell me he does please. Ugh yo just tell her.

Dinner?!?!?!? Um Elizabeth what are you doing? Oh she is pitching her, wonderful, also I really like this complex work environment plot point. Even though I'm waiting for her to get fired.

Bette using her gift of flirting and gab to get an artist on her side.

Oof they were flirting, but Bette knows she has a girlfriend she can't cheat on. I don't know if Bette is into Gigi like that or maybe she's just so used to being a top in the bedroom and life that she dislikes giving up control.

I like that transition of songs.

Shane is an entire prince charming wrapped up in a bad boy. I love that they really developed her character into a more mature version of who she was when she was young and dumb.

Aww Tess dementia is awful and it sucks that she has been dealing with this alone.

Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss! Oh fuck no maybe not, did not know that Tess isn't single. 😲

Dani just wanted Sophie to find her passion not to domesticate her. And, Sophie just appreciated Dani for being Dani.

Just be honest even if it hurts. I love how Dani isn't even mad at Sophie, she is like why is Finley such a brat. They need to talk talk about where they are and ask

Finley annoys me, I'm sorry.

Micah tell Maribel you like her please. Its like M&M candy.

Where is Finley even going? See this is why Finley doesn't need to be in a relationship because she immediately jumps to drinking.

Oh wow the are amicably splitting up or not? These two confuse me.

I am liking next episodes preview though.

#the l word: generation q #the l word #the l word generation q #liveblog #lb

[walkerwords]

“Ultimatum” Spencer Monroe x F!Reader

Request: from @thanossexual​  how do you feel about Spencer x Reader where Y/n puts him in his place. Like when he tries to rebel she shuts his shit down. she understands his frustrations though because he lost everyone so she reassures him and tells him to give Rick and his group one more chance

Word Count: 1603

Warning: Swearing

Song I Wrote To: “Don’t Blame Me” by Taylor Swift

Note: Short little thing that was requested by Dori. For future Spencer stories I may need to go rewatch his episodes to get his character right :) Also I kind of made the reader a bit cold, but I do like the way this turned out. 

--------

Spencer Monroe was seeing red. 

Entering his home, he paced around the living room, trying to calm down, but the rage remained simmering in his chest. His whole family was gone and it was all their fault, it was Rick’s fault.

If they had never come to Alexandria, there would have never been so much death. His father was dead, his brother was dead, and now his mother. He still couldn’t get the image of her walking around, her white eyes glazed over as the virus raged through her undead body. For so long, he had accepted that they were untouchable within the walls of their sanctuary. Now, he wasn’t so sure, especially with men like Rick Grimes. 

With a shout of rage, Spencer went to the desk in the corner and opened the second drawer on the left. When he found it empty, he froze. 

“Looking for this?” you said from behind him. Spencer whirled around to see you leaning in the entranceway, his gun dangling from your hand. 

“Give it to me,” he said, stepping forward, but you shook your head, placing it behind your back. 

“No,” you said, standing your ground. 

“(Y/N)…” he said, already too tired for an argument. You, however, were as alert as can be and ready to take him down a few notches. 

“Are you going to kill Rick?” you asked calmly. 

“I’m thinking about it,” Spencer said, annoyed. He never got angry with you. Even if he felt it bubbling up inside him, he went outside and took it out on the wall or just ended up internalizing it fully. You were the opposite. When you were pissed, you tended to either go kill the Dead or take it out on anyone who lit your flame. You weren’t proud of it, but you had survived this long without having to be nice all the time. 

However, the way your boyfriend was acting right now was going to get him killed. “Baby,” you began, “I love you, you know I do, but you are being a complete moron right now.” 

“Excuse me?” he asked, taken aback. 

“If you go after Grimes, if you try to shoot him, you will be dead before you can even pull the damn trigger. Daryl will have a bolt between your eyes in a matter of seconds or Carol will try to take your head off with a spoon. Hell, I bet that kid of his would gut you without even thinking. Not gonna lie, Carl scares the shit out of me and I’m not too proud to admit that.”

“He killed my mother,” Spencer argued. 

“No, he didn’t. Deanna died from a Walker. This world killed her,” you reminded him. Spencer scoffed at your use of the colloquialism used by the “invaders”. 

“God, you even sound like them,” Spencer said in annoyance. “Calling them ‘Walkers’, what the hell does that even mean?”

“I thought it was pretty self-explanatory…” you said under your breath, but he wasn’t listening. 

“If these people had never come here…”

“Then the Walkers in the quarry would have. You saw it the same day I did, Spencer. Those trucks were not going to hold. I have seen large herds since the start of this, but I have never seen anything remotely close to that monstrosity. We are lucky that Grimes was here to help us!” “You’re taking his side!” he bellowed. 

“Stop it!” you countered. “There are no sides, Spence. We need to survive and whether you liked it or not, Rick Grimes is the best at it. I have been on the outside, I have seen what happens when people are not strong enough. I was almost like those people until I finally learned the rules of the new world. You know that I care about you, but you need to start learning them too.”

“My family was alive before they got here, (Y/N),” he reminded you.

“What happened to your father was tragic,” you said softer this time, remembering when Pete had killed Reg. “I am so sorry about him and your mother. Then with what happened to Aidan...it was horrible, but we both know that he shouldn’t have been out there. None of you should be out there when you don’t want to acknowledge how the new world works. We are no longer at the top of the food chain, the Dead are. It is their world and we just have to live in it.” 

Spencer stared at you and you watched as the fire slowly faded from his eyes. You began to relax a bit more. Though, you knew he wasn’t done. “What do you expect me to do, (Y/N)?”

“I want you to try,” you nearly begged. “You don’t like Rick? Fine. How about Glenn or Maggie? Hell, even Daryl, though I am pretty sure he wants to punch you in the face, so maybe not. Just try.”

“And if I don’t?” he challenged, crossing his arms. 

“Then,” you paused, trying to get your nerve, “then, I’m done. I’ll move into one of the vacant houses and you and I will be finished.” 

“What? Why?” he asked, completely struck.

“Because you are letting your emotions cloud your judgment! This world is not so fucking simple anymore, Spencer. I have been trying for months to make you all see the new world and you have refused to listen to me. What do you think is going to happen? Do you think that one day everything is going to magically revert back to normal?” 

“Of course not!”

“Then why won’t you acknowledge it? Please, Spencer,” you said as you went to him, dropping the empty gun on the table. You took his hands in yours, unfolding his arms. “I need you to start understanding where I am coming from because I will not lose you. I’ve already lost enough.” Spencer held your hands back, keeping firm pressure. He looked down into your eyes and his shoulders dropped fully. 

“I didn’t know you felt this way,” Spencer said. 

“You never asked,” you pointed out, lifting one of your hands to rest against his neck. You had met Spencer when Eric had dragged your half dead body through the gates of Alexandria five months before. A group had robbed you and left you without food or water for days and you were desperate for help. When Eric had found you, he hadn’t hesitated to help. It was shortly after that when Spencer introduced himself and there was something about him that just clicked with you. 

However, while you knew that there was that connection, you also knew that you couldn’t just sink into the relationship without keeping your reservations. No matter how you felt about Spencer, there was always one person you had to care about above all else and that was yourself.

You had lost too much, seen too much death, and fought too hard to not fight for your own survival. You were now only hoping that he would fight to survive alongside you. 

Spencer leaned into you, feeling the firm pressure of your hand against his neck. Your eyes were locked together as you urged him to see what you were thinking and feeling at that moment. With a sigh, Spencer covered your hand with his. “Can I have my gun back, please?” he asked. 

“Are you going to talk to Rick?” you asked. 

“I can start with Maggie,” he compromised. 

“Good,” you said as you turned to pick up the gun and pressed it into his hand. A sort of peace offering. You leaned up and kissed him softly, feeling the stubble on his cheek scratch against your own. 

“Were you really going to leave me?” Spencer asked when you pulled back. 

“I told you when we met that I wasn’t going to let this world beat me, Spence. I meant it,” you said.

“What am I supposed to do with that?” he asked, cupping your face with his calloused hands. You could feel the bump that was on his finger where he rested it against the trigger of his rifle. 

“I don’t know, but that is how I feel and I promised I would always be honest with you,” you said. 

“I don’t like ultimatums,” he said. 

“Don’t think of it as one. It’s a necessity. Either get along with the people who will fight to survive or be willing to die alone,” you said and you knew it sounded cold, but he needed to hear it. Spencer Monroe wasn’t a man who needed to be coddled, he responded well to the truth and you were willing to be the sounding board for that. 

“(Y/N)…,” he started.

“I promised my mom that I wasn’t going to be weak and I stand by that,” you reminded him. 

“Which is why I love you,” he said easily. 

“Then try to understand me. Hear me,” you nearly begged.

“I do, and I am going to try. I promise,” he said, leaning his forehead against yours.

“I don’t expect you to be Van Helsing, but try to see it through my eyes,” you said. 

“Yes, Ma’am,” he promised. 

“Thank you.”

“I love you so much,” Spencer said. 

“I love you, too,” you said as you pulled him in for another kiss, finally feeling like the two of you were getting somewhere. You didn’t always see eye to eye, but perhaps now a compromise could be made. When he pulled back again, he was grinning. “What?” you asked him. 

“Van Helsing hunted vampires,” he whispered. 

“Oh, shut up.”

@thanossexual​ @yes-sir-hotchner​  @felicisimor @lucillethings​

#Spencer Monroe x reader #reader insert #walker words #twd imagines #the walking dead #twd #the walking dead fanfiction

[darthkvznblogs]

“I’m not perfect - not yet. But I’m still leagues better than you.”

You are acting entirely too haughty for someone who just torched a not insignificant section of the Emerald Forest, Weiss.

(side note: I slightly regret using the video thumbnails as header images. I don’t think a single one has matched the quote at the top :P)

Hello again! Welcome back to Darth’s Book Club, the show where I more or less gush about the media I love for the duration of an entire Tumblr post (books and/or clubs optional)

Before we start, thank you to everyone who’s liked or reblogged the previous installments! I’m used to like, two notifications a week on Tumblr, so waking up to a dozen or so was pretty wild. I imagine my activity graph is screaming confusedly at all the highly irregular entries it’s getting. On with the show!

RWBY Volume 1, Episode 7: “The Emerald Forest, part 2″

Slim pickings again - I imagine these two-parters were likely intended to be watched as a whole, but they’re not packaged that way, so this’ll probably happen a few more times - so I’ll keep this one brief. I’m not gonna bore you with my thoughts on what it might mean that Yang and Blake picked a golden horse as their relic/chess piece - mostly because I don’t know shiz about chess, so y’know, no thoughts, head empty - but I do wanna talk a bit about Ruby and Weiss’ rollercoaster of a developing relationship.

It’s, uh, bad up in Whiteroseville, folks. 

More seriously though, I’d honestly forgotten the level of vitriol these two start with. Obviously, things don’t get much more heated than back and forth playground insults - because this is a show for kids, right guys? - but things do get a bit unnecessarily personal. Ruby calls Weiss out for being bossy - and apparently hits, like, that nerve on your elbow that sends you into the stratosphere when struck - Weiss (rightly) demands Ruby stop acting like a child, and Ruby (rightly) questions her perfectionism. Like I said, it comes off a bit too childish, but the back and forth is still engaging - especially when it culminates in that catty AF riposte that makes this episode’s header. I’m just gonna put it in again with proper emphasis, because what use is having my own show if I can’t abuse the heck out of some italics?

“I’m not perfect - not yet. But I’m still leagues better than you.”

Why can’t we admit when we’re wrong? Why is it so damn difficult? And I’m talking real life, where the consequences for it are often harmless, of course. I’m probably starting to sound like that cliché movie announcer thing, but in a world...where taking the wrong step could literally put you in mortal danger - Jaune and his new Deathstalker buddy say hello - what could possibly possess Weiss and Ruby not to admit they’ve simply messed up a bit?

In completely unrelated news, this episode kinda stinks of pride, doesn’t it? I have no idea whether it’s intentional or not, but there’s Glynda talking down on Nora and Jaune, Yang and Blake kinda boasting about what a breeze it was to get to the ruins, Jaune and his torch - you cherish those small victories, buddy - and...well, something-something-Weiss-and-Ruby’s-entire-argument.

It’s an issue, that’s for certain. At some point you’ve gotta cut your losses and swallow that pride. We’ll see if Weiss and Ruby have it in them.

That’s it from me! Thank you so much for joining me. If you enjoyed this installment of Darth’s Book Club, please consider checking out my works over on Fanfiction and AO3 - I write a bunch of crossovers, mainly involving superheroes, but there’s also some fun gaming, movie, and book fandoms in there. You can find me at:

https://www.fanfiction.net/u/5808614/

https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darthkvzn/

And if you like what I do and have a coffee’s worth of money to spare, please consider checking out my Ko-fi! I post every update to my works and now Darth’s Book Club there. You can find me at:

https://ko-fi.com/darthkvzn

If you have anything you’d like me to check out or talk about, please shoot me an ask or message! I’m just doing RWBY for the foreseeable future, but I’m always willing to give your suggestions a shot. 

Until next time!

#Darth's Book Club #RWBY #rwby007 #the emerald forest #ruby rose #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #weiss schnee #jaune arc #pyrrha nikos #ozpin #glynda goodwitch #bumbleby #whiterose

[himbo-buckley]

Intimacy, Sex and Buddie (better known as I have a lot of feelings about this show, some of which are related to the before mentioned topics)

I should preface this by saying this meta was supposed to be a lot shorter and only talk about how both Buck and Eddie use sex to distract their respective partners from whatever topic they actually wanted to talk about but since I decided to rewatch the show to make sure I don’t miss any such scenes, it has exploded a bit and taken on more topics

I should also preface this by saying that the whole of the 118 has some obvious intimacy / commitment issues except Bobby (which is sort of surprising) but *John Mulaney voice* we don’t have time to unpack all of that!

On another note I cuss a little in this Meta because my parents let me listen to TicTacToe as a small child and after that it never stuck that cussing is wrong so, uhm, parental supervision is advised or something?

This Meta will so far have three parts, one for each season and is organised by episode so you could technically follow along

Without further ado I present: Intimacy, Sex and the Buddie of it all, Season 1: (Better known as “Not a Sex Addict”)

Episode 1.01:

Buck, we meet first in the pilot and one of the first things we learn about him? That boy fucks! Like literally his second scene is him having sex in the firetruck, which in the episode is presented to us as his way of dealing with the stress of firefighting (it cuts from Bobby’s confession scene saying some firefighters are sex addicts to Buck racing the Brunette). Then later in this episode, between saving a baby, getting in a fight with Athena and not knowing who Rambo is, he fucks the snake horder and get’s himself fired for his trouble. He also tells Bobby he is a sex addict here.

Now you could easily read both those scenes as proving Buck’s statement or you can read it as him justifying his actions, which I think is what Bobby did, or you can fall in love with the cocky bastard and think there is more to it, which is obviously what I did. And also what I think this show wants you to do? Because in the same scene Buck gives the first of his many heartbreaking speeches about having nothing else besides being a firefighter and how that is the best part of him (or whatever, I’m combining the speeches, I didn’t rewatch that scene because it gives me too much second hand embaressment)

And let’s look at this statement and what we know about Buck by fast forwarding a bit, okay? Because we know virtually nothing about who Buck was prior to the Pilot. We know he spent a summer in South America as a bartender, we know he tried out for the Seals about a year ago and we know he’s been a firefighter for 3 months (meaning the first season is his probationary time the same way Season 2 is Eddie’s), so depending on how long firefighter training takes he probably has lived in LA for less than a year, meaning he probably hasn’t made too many meaningful connections yet and the 118 are really the closest thing to family he has there (a fact that if you fast forward again is sort of proven in canon if - if we take every word as being word of god - by Maddie saying „If our parents call“ in 2.01, implying Buck is probably not close to them) (he also tells Maddie „It was getting pretty lonely here“ in 2.01, so you know, point proven?)

Now I don’t think Buck is a sex addict after all. Yes, he is using sex to unwind (and good for him, at least he isn’t drinking or taking drugs, Bobby), but he is also using it to substitute actual intimacy, because that boy is fucking lonely.

Just look at the scene with the brunette, alright? After the act he asks her: „So can I have your actual number?“ and she says no, and he does this whole macho spiel about „the golden times“ or whatever, but come on, we know this is bull, right? Look at how earnest he looks when he asks! (and here I have to applaud 911 again, because the show only has one young conventionally attractive character at this point and instead of his character just being badass ladies man, but he is held accountable for his actions and the show went out of its way to point out how problematic his behaviour was, so kudos! I love you!)

Episode 1.02:

In this episode Buck loses two people and is understandably distraught. And Bobby comes to him in the locker room, to, as Buck thinks, express his disappointment, which is what Buck thinks he deserves, except Bobby is in full Dad-mode and just wants Buck to talk about it. Which Buck does almost imediately leading to us learning about the Seals and that our Buck has so many emotions and knows it and likes it (again, shoutout to the writers for having their young attractive Macho-dude cry in episode two! Ya’ll the real ones).

Now Bobby clearly didn’t see this coming and is like „Uhm, how about we talk to a professional about all that, I have my own shit, kiddo“ and then we get our first therapist scenes and look, while I do see where people are coming from, I do not consider this rape. I do however think it was a badly thought through scene and also an abuse of power and Autumn Reeser should not be allowed to work as a therapist again. The way this scene is shot and cut however makes it seem like Buck came onto her and did not regret what happened, so you know as the german saying goes: where there is no complaint there is no judge. (which does not mean I condone what happened, but, tbh, this is one of those scene where I feel the writers just did not think the implications through. Someone with a twitter go ask Tim Minear about it)

Anyways, let’s talk about everything before the sex because I think this is what’s relevant:

The scene begins with the therapist asking Buck if he is uncomfortable, he seems that way (and kudos to Oliver Stark for the way he acts this scene because we can truly feel everything Buck feels) and Buck saying his „I’m not really into feelings. I mean yeah feeling them, just not talking about them.“ after which the therapist throws some things at Buck to see what sticks (which is something therapists sometimes do in early sessions, just try to gauge a reaction, see where the no no - zones are, especially with people like Buck who are quote „not scared“. Like, he is so walled up already.)

And now comes the part that I’ll give you word for word, because this is what matters in this scene, okay?

T: „You lost somebody, that’s hard“

B: „Yeah but we lose people. At least that’s what everybody keeps telling me.“

T: „Was this your first time?“

B: „Well, I’ve had calls where it’s been to late but I’ve only been doing this not even 6 months. Now I just can’t shake the feeling that this one didn’t need to go down the way it did.“ (up until the second part Buck sits tall, then he leans forward, his voice becomes urgent, THIS is the important message)

T: “So do you think there is something you could have done differently?“

(close up to Bucks face looking distraught, ding ding, we have a winner!)

After this they cut away to Athena and when we come back Buck is crying and the therapist tries to explain why the guy might have died and then walks toward Buck and tells him how they’re actually here to talk about him and then Buck deflects, he tells her to call him Buck, they talk about facebook, scene change, they come back after Sex, Buck is all better. 

(Slightly unrelated sidenote at this point we have seen Buck have sex 3 times and every single time it’s sitting on some chair with the girl on top, uhm, what’s up with that? (He’s a bottom))

But I truly think the important part is what I’ve highlighted, this is where she hit a nerve and sure, he let her finish and listened and cried, but Buck’s a multitasker, he was just waiting for his opening - which the therapist gave to him by sitting down across from him and touching him, so now Buck turns the tables on her and makes her uncomfortable - or: she struck a nerve and he deflects, so instead of the emotional vulnerability she wants from him, he gives her physical intimacy, probably aware that this way he will not have to come see her again (because isn’t that what all women do? Hi, Brunette from Episode 1). 

And then the episode ends on the very relevant conversation were Abby asks him out and Buck says no because HE REALISED HE HAS SOME ISSUES WITH WOMEN AND INTIMACY!!! I love this show so much, you guys! Buck tells Abby he can’t go out with her because they’ll definitly have sex and he tells her about the therapist and Abby is all you wish and he tells her how much he likes her and how he has no one else in his life that make him feel good and it’s all cute and dorky and yes, sometimes I do find myself shipping them. A little.

Episode 1.03 has nothing of relevance as far as I recall so we ignore it.

Episode 1.04:

... also not that relevant except that little scene at the end that I thought was in Episode 5 titled: The moment I fell in love with this show! When Bobby says „help“ it gets me every time! I keep expecting him to not answer but he asks for help and I gasp. Every. Damn. Time.

Episode 1.05 

... is when it get’s really interesting because this is when the Sex addict meets the women he has been emotionally intimate, which is, you know, the thing he’s sensitive about!

I really like how Buck is all in Protector-Mode and seems so competent up until when they’re in the car together and Abby starts to talk about them (him) not having wanted to meet and it hit’s him that uuups, this is the actual woman he has been talking to! A human being (and not just some voice on the phone he talks to) and an attractive one as it is (and boy do I love how dressed down Connie Brighton is most of the time? Look, she’s pretty and she’s not 25 and she looks it and that’s okay!) so again Buck deflects by making the whole exchange about Sex - you know, physical intimacy because he is scared of emotional intimacy. Which is what I have been trying to prove here.

Then they save that little girl and have the very sweet moment in the car were Buck is very vulnerable, though I think it’s mostly for Abby’s benefit? Because Buck is in protector mode and there is nothing Buck wouldn’t do to help someone else, even flay himself open. He’s just selfless like that.

And then they find Patricia and bring her home and he is very uncomfortable and then he says goodbye all sweet and Patricia tells him to be kind to Abby and Buck is already in so deep, so really someone should have taken the time to tell Abby to be kind and nice to this boy (if Buck gets another love interest I want someone to give them the shovel talk, mainly Hen or Eddie, possibly together, because this boy gives away too much of himself and it hurts me), but alas no one did, so Buck tries to protect himself by, you guessed it, talking about sex! 

It really is a defense mechanism for him, which might prove that he came from a conservative background or might just not mean anything, besides that he is very comfortable with Sex and other people are not which is why he uses it to deflect. People generally don’t try to look to deep if you make them uncomfortable, which is generally Buck’s way of dealing with problems: he either pushes back and steamrolls over it or is it too loud and open about something, which keeps people from looking to deep (Season 3 is proof of that, the only person who sees through his act, I think, is Hen because she also uses false bravedo to deal with things. Eddie sees it too, but only after Buck explains it to him, because Eddie operates completely different - but that’s something I’ll talk more about later)

And then all of Bucks fears of people not liking him after seeing what’s underneath are proven right when, after spending a whole day with him, Abby tells him they shouldn’t see each other again because she too likes him and if they continue mistakes will be made (which is just her respecting Bucks wishes from 1.02 but also proves to Buck that no one can like him on a deeper level). She gives this very sweet speech about how good he makes her feel but if you look at Buck’s face it’s just sooo closed off. And then she does this very mean thing with the „do not fuck some tinder-girl“, which i find very hypocrit of her, because she basically told Buck she won’t give him more than what they currently have but also he’s not allowed to look somewhere else for it (although she is very right, Buck needs to learn to find validation in himself and not through other people, which is something he sorta did in Season 3? More on this later)

Which is why we get the phone sex scene at the end. Because at this point Buck has been emotionally intimate with this women and then he met her and he kept being emotionally intimate with him and she basically rejected him so Buck made it about physical intimacy. He rejected her back. Found a loophole. Pushed back.

And I know I’m ignoring the scene in between when he is all proud about not having sex with Abby, but yeah, he would have had if Abby let him so it doesn’t really count.

Side note: this whole Episode proves that Buck is not a sex addict - if he were we would have seen him maybe try and convince Abby or seen a scene of him struggeling with whether he should pick up another girl or something, but they didn’t. Nope, they gave up „Buck with Hen and Bobby - bonding time“.

Episode 1.06:

I dislike this one a lot because it calls the episode before a liar by having Abby go on a date with Buck, after saying they shouldn’t meet each other again. I actually checked IMDB to see if there was a christmas break between those episodes, but nope, they aired a week apart! (Also how everyone pushes Buck into doing Valentine’s day even though he doesn’t like it? Yeah, not on board.)

But you know what’s relevant af about this Episode? The scene between Bobby and Buck where Dad helps his son get ready. I truly think this scene, combined with his firing in 1.01 is what caused the shift into Buck 2.0.

Also canon yet again tells us that Buck is not in fact a sex addict but rather using sex to avoid real intimacy and then they have this bantery conversation about not being a dick by having sex on the first date and being a gentleman and I love how Peter and Oliver play off of each other here. This scene is so much fun to watch because they clearly had so much fun acting it.

We can basically jump over the rest of the episode, but I do want you to look at the scene between Bobby and Abby in the hospital for a moment because I 100% thought they were setting up a love triangle here? (Again, someone with Twitter ask Tim Minear)

Episode 1.07:

The actual time jump according to IMDB happens between those episodes (someone who watched Season 1 live please confirm) although in the story there isn’t - they just decided to air the Valentine’s episode in November and then come back in February to talk about the full moon - apparently.

Aside from that Buck is such an adorable dork in this episode which i truly think is why half this fandom is in love with him and some more scenes with Peter and Oliver that are just plain fun happen (and I love season 3 but I miss how much fun they got to have in Season 1). Also our first real bi!Buck sighting and the implication that Buck went from delivering Babys to delivering a tapeworm, only to go: I’m gonna have sex with my girlfriend now! And I honestly love him for that.

Other than that, not much to prove or disprove this meta except Buck being hesitant to go on another date and trying to explain away why he came to see Abby but her just cutting right through his bullshit.

Episode 1.08: not relevant

Episode 1.09:

Our second instance of Buck nearly dying. Buck’s „I don’t suppose you do a lot of pull ups“ kills me every time and Hen freaks out about it a little and he just loves it off. He is a true badass.

Also there is the Ballon scene which makes me mad, because Buck has every right to be upset about everything, even if none of it is Abby’s fault. I’m really up in the air about how I feel about the Bobby and Buck talk in the locker room because on the one hand side I do agree with everything Captain Dad says and I think this scene also is part of creating Buck 2.0 but on the other hand side he is kind of invalidating Buck’s feelings?

Anyways, Bobby tells him, that if Buck really likes Abby he needs to stop trying to feel like she needs saving and let her set the pace. I’m not saying it’s why Buck waited around so long for her in Season 2 but I do think Bobby basically telling him this is what a real man would do - the thing Buck wants so badly to be - plays a role. It’s too bad that while Buck is all in, Abby is not.

I’m also gonna put my clown shoes on real quick and say we get a nearly identical scene in 2.10, when Buck talks to Chimney about Eddie and Shannon. Make of that what you want.

Episode 1.10:

Buck identifies with the guy using him to cat fish girls because he understands his need for connection and intimacy. After all he did the same thing, just a different method.

Also Abby leaves.

There’s not more to say

So this is where Season 1 ends, with Buck aware that he was trying to substitute physical for emotional intimacy and trying to correct it and build a life with Abby - which did not work because Abby left.

But I just wanna mention real quick how much character development Buck has in such a short amount of time! It floors me every time. And while we all know he attributes this to Abby, it’s really just about Buck being Buck and he was already on his way to becoming this guy, simply because through his job and the firefam suddenly he got validation? I feel so proud. I really only wish Buck would finally come to this realisation himself or maybe someone would tell him this. He deserves it.

#evan buckley #buck meta #buddie meta #buck #911 meta #911 #911 fox #textpost #mine #season 1 #meta #my meta

[mamacleo]

Personal from Mom: the Good Bad Day

CW/TW: Physical distress leading to medium-duty progress, change, adaptation, and growth. Also spiritual stuff. CW: Really damned long. Sorry. I know, it's a chore, but if you follow me and Callie, you know how deeply layered a lot of this stuff is. Nothing extraneous is in there, though, I promise. You know I love labels. Like my winter distress, once called the Winter Monsters, now referred to (for accuracy) as the winter terrors. People who've known me since way back when have seen me struggle with labeling myself. They would tell me not to, and I couldn't really phrase it at the time, but what I needed to say was: no, please, don't ask me to redefine myself according to your perceptions of validity. Please accept that I am like this and help me work through it. So I want a label for the kind of day I am having today. I've been getting them more and more often without my having to try. For lack of anything catchier, I am labeling it a Good Bad Day. The word order is important! It means that there is also such a thing as a Bad Good Day, but they aren't the same. This isn't a gripe day, but this girl is just reporting. I think it's one of my bad pain days, one of those where all the weed in the world won't help. Maybe not that bad, but you may have read my description of the pain at its worst: it literally feels like each and every nerve-laden cell in your body is trapped in a vise and being crushed. Chronic pain sufferers know this day. It's that day where you cannot imagine making yourself move, yet you have to get to the bathroom SOMEhow, and ain't nobody gonna fix your coffee for you. So you do. You wake up in negative spoon territory and somehow you do it, even if "it" comprises only going to the bathroom. Now, I do have an emotional alarm clock, two actually, and their names are Adorable and Rosie. As I told my beautiful bride today, Adorabe gets this look when she realizes when, like today, only one hand is busy, and look old lady, I don't CARE if you're laying on it, I KNOW you got two hands. Let's see the other. Every morning she runs in to wake me up and get attention, and even if it irritates me some mornings, she always wins me over. Rosie comes in next for her morning affection, and...that's the start of a Good Bad Day. I'll sum up because Constant Reader knows the details. There's the pain, and the pain brings weariness. Today's promised partly-sunny day in the 60s is now just the latest in a long couple of weeks of chilly cloudfests. I'm starting to get really tired of them. We're broke for a few days and we need a couple of things. (Luckily not immediate necessities, but.) Things need picked up a bit, but there's no energy for it. I wanted to grill today, but can't see it happening. . And yet, my mood is good. Not just agreeable, but positive. The progesterone, which my love calls my "chill pills," have become the last piece in a 60-year puzzle. Callie and I remembering us joking around last night, some silly humor and some bawdy humor. Me promising that if I feel up to it (I will), I will redesign some pages for her. Realizing that, you know, it's weird, but I actually LIKE bird and squirrel videos for cats. Having a couple funny observations and sharing them. Getting to pet the outside cat, Buddy, when I brought him his breakfast. Adorable is right next to me, napping. My writing skills are in great form today, and I said a couple of things that I felt were more well-written, more helpful than before. Having people reach out just to share this or that with me privately. Feeling content because yesterday, I redefined my purpose in life, and the situation in which we live, in a way that is both rewarding and helpful to my beloved bride. Because that redefinition might not have happened without the exact right intervention at the exact right moment by my pearl, my girl, myErie (Because this is important at the end, I'm gonna sum up what happened that was so bad, Erie had to call. An issue I thought was settled turned out not to be, and that was moving to Cleveland, my girl's home town that she

misses so much. There were levels of significance to it that I just plain couldn't see because of my privilege, but the Chauvin trial brought them all to the front for her. My episodes can be weird. In this case, everything was emotional, and there were some severe conflicts involving resisting some selfish motives while trying my best to look out for her. The emotional issues involved for me triggered my BPD, of course, and the bottom dropped out and I had a really, monstrously bad episode. I isolated badly and was so overwrought, Callie thought I was going to leave. Erie intervened, made perfect sense as always, and sat with us on the phone while we worked through it. Like that, everything is right again. I say again: I will walk in front of her in case of bullets.) , responded to my plea to adopt me (to get his food!) and he asked me if I wanted to be his daughter fo real. And I said yes. So really, my breath left me and I was alive with fear and hope at the same time, and I said: "Thanks, mom." She was more than okay with it. And...Mom has a mom. Mom didn't know how much she needed a mom until one day, this powerful soul, this woman namedLinda , said the exact right thing at the exact right time...and out of nowhere, the urge, the *need,* to say this knocked at the door and took my breath away. I don't exaggerate. The last time I felt this was when my Pop,Greg And yes. She really is a mom. She really is my mom. Just thinking about it takes my breath away again. I waited my entire life, wanting a mom who never existed. And then... See, she said a thing to me that struck me hard for two reasons, and it was not long after I transitioned. It was a picture of modeling a bodice dress and looking happy, and she said, "You have a powerful strength that I'm not sure you even see yourself." It struck me hard because she is not the first to have said this, and she and the first person to say it, when I was 19, are not the only ones who have said it. I capped that and kept it so I would never lose it, and in the hopes that one day I could show it to her and say, hey, I see it now. I'm living it now. It gets amazing sometimes. The other reason it struck me so hard was that, and if she wants to talk about this I would love her to, when I reads those words, I felt something. The other day I talked about the gestalt and the lack of physical distance, and how items and artifacts can be conduits for spirit. The internet is the same way. Someone's words on the screen can be a conduit for your spirits to connect, and I felt it at the time and knew it was a different one than the other spiritual connections. The thing she said, others have said to me, but the thrill that took my breath away was that I could feel her faith. The boss who said that to me when I was 19, he had an expression that was, now that I reflect on it, quite possibly the trigger, THE moment, that things turned around. Because he was the first person to express faith in me. I mean, really, upon examination, I remember people encouraging me, but he was the first one to express faith in me. Damn, I wish I could find him and rock his world. That was what Linda said, too. Across the miles, I felt her faith. Yes, mom, I am going to say it right out loud in case I'm not being clear: you made a difference in my life. I called you mom, and that was where it started. You made my hope grow. (ASIDE: Ahh, it is NOT one of those pain days after all. Hallelujah for herbal medicine.) (Edibles hate it when you talk shit about them and get you back.) So it is a Good Bad Day. Things would probably, ordinarily, make me grumpy today, but I feel content. For today, at least, things are consonant. Nothing is bothering me. I have redefined what I saw as a coming traumatic struggle into the opportunity to guide both of us into a new and more exciting life. We are surrounded by love. The day is gray, but there are sunny days coming. We want for nothing. We're having a handfasting in two months and family will be here. In September, I'll be able, finally, to legally change my name,

and we'll change hers legally at the same time. On top of all of this, I am confident now that the 40 years in the desert is over. There is a sea change happening. You can see it in the resistance against the worst of it by the majority of Americans. The awfulness reached its worst and shocked every decent American, and the people who drove it have lost their credibility outside anyone in their sewing circle. Their influence is now waning. There are good years coming, and much to look forward to. I feel happy, and that's the weirdness that set this all off. Everything is in balance. Of course there will be bad days again. I'm still mentally ill and while it's under as much control as it can be under, it's not under total control. But I'm okay with that. I know they'll happen, but they make the sweet times sweeter. My beautiful, wonderful Lilith, you will be rewarded for all the good you do. I love you. I love our life. I love being who you need. I will do more to be who you want. Mazel tov!

#trans #transgender #trans woman #mental health #mental illness #lesbian #witchy #witch #love #love story #love writing #balance #joy #happiness #content #contentment #growth #development #borderline #borderline personality disorder #bipolar #anxiety #hrt #progesterone #gender euphoria #magick #spirituality #spirits #hope #faith

[lycorisia]

Haikyuu S4 Ep15

SPOILERS READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

I never really make posts of my own, but I really just need to get all my thoughts down and out there sooooo ta daa! 

This is just my opinion on some things and I need people to know I LOVE HAIKYUU and this is in no way supposed to be hateful towards it.

I saw a post about how this episode involved so many things that could’ve been the main plot of the one episode, and that got me thinking. When I first watched the episode, I was happy to see moments animated, but it wasn’t until I saw that post that I realized why.

The moments they talked about were the Yamaguchi panic with Shimada saving him, Tsukki stopping the twin’s freak quick, and Hinata realizing what type of block he hated the most (Mattsun from Seijou) and using that to stop Osamu.

And while I don’t remember a lot about the manga cause it’s been a while since I read it, that really struck a chord with me, so I went back to re-read it.

Episode 15 takes place from about chapter 253 to about chapter 260 and that just doesn’t sit well with me. That’s 6-7 chapters all rolled into one episode. For context, episode 14 was about chapter 250 to 253, so there’s a significant amount more added to episode 15. Also 253-260 has so much happening because it’s the first set coming to a close, yet they put so much into one episode and didn’t let anything settle before jumping into the next major plot point.

I will talk about what I mentioned above from the other post, but I’m also gonna talk about moments in the manga that I wish were addressed in the anime.

First being Asahi’s serving. I distinctly remember him talking about percentages of power into his serves but when I re-watched seasons 1-3 it was mentioned so now I’m confused. ANYWAY serving has always been a pretty big thing with Asahi, in that he has a hard time controlling it and has been working on it since the Summer training camp. So the flashback to him talking to Ukai about clenching his fist then relaxing it to THEN get the FIRST SERVICE ACE for Karasuno is so big to me. Also the amount of detail that Furudate sensei put into the two frames of Asahi’s hand makes me believe that there should be more to it.

Now the first point of the other post that comes up chronologically is Tsukki blocking out the twins. At first I wasn’t sure about considering that moment to be a sort of climax or main element of the episode, but considering it’s the last moment of chapter 255, it does have some oomph as a sort of ending note. The episode does mention that those who get used to the freak quick can stop it easier, and Tsukku being an incredible smart and talented blocker who has been near the quick since literal day one and has seen it develop over time shows how Inarizaki’s “counter attack” won’t work against him.

Now this isn’t really anything to get too upset about, but throughout the match, schools from Miyagi are watching and leave little bits of commentary and I really wish they kept that in, I know they have the ending dedicated to everyone watching, but I really like the little tidbits of comments and I think it would’ve been fun to have in the episode(s).

Now, when it comes to Hinata’s blocking, this becomes important because leading up to figuring out what type of block is the scariest, he continuously fails to block out Osamu after his first surprise commit block. Lots of people make comments on the experience level difference between the two and how Hinata lacks technique and he really only has his speed and jumping ability at this point. What leads to Hinata actually thinking about blocks though is Atsumu yelling at Osamu about being afraid/not afraid of Hinata. Hinata then obviously thinks of Aone and Date Tech, but then thinks more about one-on-one blocking. AND WHAT LEADS HIM TO REALIZE THE BEST WAY TO FIGHT OSAMU IS TO THINK ABOUT HIS EXPERIENCES. FULL CIRCLE! When the manga shows Hinata’s block it even cuts to Kindaichi’s look of surprise because it’s a subtle thing, but he recognizes Hinata’s block. I will give the anime that though, the manga never shows or mentions Mattsun, so getting that visual (and that cute little train scene) was nice. 

Also something I just remembered, there were these two people (couple?) that was watching the game that had little commentary that are not in the anime, and while I don’t really mind, it could’ve been used in order to hold the episode out longer so that they didn’t force so much into one episode cause damn so much happened in one episode.

NOW ONE OF THE BIGGEST MOMENTS IN MY OPINION THAT WAS QUICKLY GLOSSED OVER. Yamaguchi’s serve and Shimada’s rescue. Yamaguchi’s in for a pinch serve! He looks for his “reset point” but can’t find it! Then suddenly after like 2 seconds Shimada is where Yamaguchi is looking and saves the day!? LAME. Yamaguchi is supposed to be confident after finding something to settle his nerves, but when you take that away, he starts to fall apart. He slowly starts to panic, but it’s enough that his team and Shimada take notice. So Shimada, wanting what’s best for his student cause he cares so much, rushes across the huge stadium to a place Yamaguchi can see him. And as much as Yamaguchi tries to calm himself and pick a new “reset point” all of the booing and jeers and eyes of the opponents get to him. BUT! through all the booing, Shimada’s cry of “TADASHIII” is still heard and you can see him sweaty and gross holding up a Shimada mart bag, like the original “reset point” he taught Yamaguchi so long ago. Yamaguchi is able to zero in on that and score Karasuno’s SECOND SERVICE ACE off of Aran INARIZAKI’S ACE! AND NOW TAKES THE LEAD POINT WISE! And after getting that point, there’s just a resurgence of energy in Karasuno. Yamaguchi goes in for his second serve and the episode ends, which is interesting cause it’s towards the end of chapter 260, but there was more to the manga chapter than in the episode. but whatever.

NOTE* Also while in the middle of writing all of this I realized that some of what I talked about is actually apart of the narrative of episode 14 (Asahi’s serve [I think]), but either way, I’m keeping that in this.

After all that, it kinda makes me worried about the speed in which the rest of the season will go. I’ve been trying to figure out how many episodes Season 4 will have in total, because although seasons 1 and 2 have 25 episodes each, season 3 only had 10 to focus on Shiratorizawa. 

So much happens during nationals, but at this rate who knows what all the season is gonna try to get through. 

I still love season 4 so far, and I can’t wait to see certain things animated, but that worry still lingers.

I’ve rambled for a very long time, and I can’t think of anything more to add right now, so if you actually read this, thanks? and sorry lol but I just needed to write this and see if anyone thought the same as me.

#Haikyuu!! #Haikyu!! #Haikyu #Haikyuu #HQ #HQ spoilers #Haikyuu spoilers #Haikyuu!! Spoilers #haikyu spoilers #Word vomit #long post under the cut #Haikyuu to the top #haikyuu to the top spoilers #I'm trying to tag all the spoiler tags cause i would hate to spoil anything for anyone #it's like 1 in the morning and i have work but haikyuu is more important #okay byeeeee

[stusbunker]

Known: Bring Him Home

A DARK Supernatural Fan-fiction

Featuring: Demon!Dean, Demon!Reader, Female Vessel OC, Sam Winchester, Crowley, Castiel, Dean x Female Vessel OC

Summary: This is the first two and a half episodes of season 10. I didn’t rehash what the canon gave us, but let you in on where our reader moved through those events in order to be exactly where she is needed to be.

Warnings: Typical angst, show level violence, demonic phone calls aka blood, the ritual of purified blood aka needles, non-consensual touching, and the rest is too spoilery. Have fun kids! xoxo

Series Masterlist

*^*

September 22, 2014

Glendive, MT

         The stolen SUV stilled with the crunching of gravel, a roadside bar had caught your eye and on the whim that you hadn’t been followed, you pulled over. It was dark and dingy, something you had become intimately used to. The stale beer soaked into the ragged carpeting, a smell you would always associate with that summer, with the countless nights and bar fights the demon that Dean had become had waved off or fucked away. There was a payphone in the hallway between the bathrooms and somehow you were silently hoping he had kept the same number. The coins clunked into place, long and lean in the polished slot. The ancient deep tone of the ring peeled across the ether and then an alias and a generic voicemail continued the one-sided conversation.

You inhaled and replied chunkily, “Sam, it’s me. Or us, well not Dean, but CC. CC and I, both fine, by the way. If you’re free…we should talk.”

*^*

CC watched her hang up the heavy black phone with a satisfying clink. Her warped image looking back at her through the matte reflection of the disused amenity. She had been hiding out, she knew it and the demon at the wheel had quietly left her to it. Well, she didn’t know what Chloe did, she couldn’t, but the months trying to break through to the real Dean or subdue the demon had been exhausting for them both. Sam’s voice had stirred CC from her subterranean, dulled complacency. This wasn’t just about saving her own skin; it never had been. It was about those boys, those pig-headed jackasses that deserved better than what they had been dealt. Or scammed into. And minimizing Dean’s threat was just a finger in the dam.

She shuffled through the demon’s recent memories, stretching against the mental atrophy. She felt her leaving Dean and Crowley with some strippers, glancing thrice over her shoulder before ditching through the employee exit and into a bouncer’s ride. She hadn’t driven far, but in an odd spiral, fanning out to shake anyone tailing her. She seemed to be in the clear, CC watched her buy one drink at a time watching the door to the side hallway like a dog waiting for her human to return from war. The phone never rang.

*^*

Sam couldn’t remember the last time he had gone over 100, especially in something other than the Impala. He bit his tongue as the rickety bumper brushed the pavement after a railroad crossing. Cursing, he thanked his paranoia and hadn’t risked the bullseye that any of the vintage cars from the Bunker would have been, for any demon in his path. All those sonsofbitches that had been laying low or living on radio silence since Crowley had taken his brother from his bed. Cowards, the whole damn species. He cased the parking lot before heading into the side entrance, the bar like any other, navigable and unimpressive. There was still a dusting of sulfur on the earpiece of the payphone and not another clue in sight.

He slammed the phone back into place, loud enough to get a begrudging ‘hey’ from the bartender. Who recoiled as Sam spun to glare at her, he gathered himself carefully before ordering food and prodding for the direction CC’s demon may have headed. A half hour later Sam stared past his second beer, unsure if he wanted to crash or get back to the Bunker when a drunk at the bar got his attention, whining about his cheating wife.

*^*

September 24, 2014

Another crappy motel

         Crowley hadn’t missed how Dean intentionally never mentioned the dove’s sudden and unforeseen disappearance. Crowley was certain Dean hadn’t killed her himself, fairly certain as he didn’t seem to have lost any of the pent-up energy. Especially after the second mess in Wisconsin, when Crowley had been overly disclosing about the Abaddon supporters that Dean stopped listening. With his close watch, Dean couldn’t have done anything to her too terrible.

It still felt a bit, unceremonious, to be skipping town without her. He had grown accustomed to her banter and she had helped keep him infinitely more contained than the Mark could. Without her to help Dean take his edge off, in any number of ways, Crowley pondered what wouldn’t set him off. Ever the businessman, he secured his asset, sliding into the backseat of the car beside Dean as another minion drove them to the next neon plastered cesspool. A jolt of excitement struck a nerve within the King; now it was time for a real howl.

*^*

October 6, 2014

Colorado

You both surfaced in the days following the strip club and the subsequent unanswered phone call. You tried to ignore CC’s intrusiveness, as the memories of the summer months were sorted and filed under constant static in the back of your mind. She was still a hunter, and to her Dean was a target, despite his meatsuit and the taste of him coating every recollection. You left her to her schemes, while mindlessly driving through the mountains and enjoying the scenery you could only imagine in Hell. It was as close to therapeutic something like you could muster and it only made you frustrated with the path you had taken.

          The distance did wonders for your ability to forget the severity of his actions. Your struggling masochistic side had taken you down a steep path that fell away into the oblivion of guilt. Was it all your fault? If you hadn’t taken over CC’s body could she have stopped Dean before he let Crowley swindle him into taking on the Mark convincing him to kill Abaddon for him? If you hadn’t distracted Dean from Sam and the Angel problems, would he have ended up on the wrong end of Metatron’s blade? If you hadn’t needed him would he be better off? Had your selfish, imbalanced, twisted nature damned him? You reasoned against yourself on and off as the scenery flitted past, the lush greens soaking in their final triumphs before the autumnal cascade of color. Everything felt impossibly perfect and you worked your jaw against the need for destruction, because at least you could do that properly. You took the winding roads at whatever pace your foot found, letting the pine and the thin air fill your lungs as CC chanted at you to turn around. To go back. To demon up and bring him to justice or the end of an exorcism.

“Fuck off.”

You felt her roll her eyes at you and you stared into the rearview mirror, challenging while unimpressed. You headed back north, slowly trudging out of the pity party. You slipped around an Oldsmobile going ten under, clipping their sideview mirror off with a semi-pleasing thunk. This is what you did now: wallow in self-doubt and cost geezers their pension checks in repair bills. You slammed the gas and drove toward the only thing that made your heart race like it would stop at any moment. Back to the only being that made you feel death had been worth it.

They were gone. Not a lackey or a forwarding address in sight. You knew what to do, but it made CC nauseous as the intent sparked. It was your turn to roll your eyes. Carefully you moved to the back office and found a particularly sweaty thick necked manager to toss into a bathroom. His beady eyes bulged as best they could against his caterpillar inspired brows once you drew the knife. The generic brown towels quickly plugged the sink to allow his blood to fill the basin.  Once you felt enough of the ruby liquid had pooled below, you spoke into the depths.

“Crowley, you sonofabitch, where did you go?”

*^*

The blonde left the hotel with tears welling in her eyes, she didn’t even look at you as you blatantly watched from the fender of the latest car you had lifted. You swung your arms widely and entered without warning. He smelled of an ocean of booze, musty sheets and sulfur-tinged sweat. Once he could focus on your face an overplayed laugh erupted shallowly from his chest.

“Well shit, Crowley had that revolving door installed after all. Welcome back, uh, whoever you are. Perfect timing, cuz that one just got all sentimental and I had to let her down easy.”

“Except you didn’t.”

“Of course not, what do I look like?”

“Three sheets to the wind and still wearing your boots, must have been some night.”

Dean cocked his head, kicking his legs over the side of the bed. He tried to stand but thought better of it. You paced, picking up some of his clothes that had been left to clutter the floor. He sipped some water from the nightstand. You couldn’t remember a time he had ever drank water in his life, apparently CC could, but that had been because he had been refused a beer from his dad. Good, little shit deserves some purifying forces in his system.

Your hand brushed over the bag beside his new duffel, which had quietly been awaiting your return. You glanced over your shoulder at Dean who just waved off your touched expression. He didn’t ask where you’d been, and you didn’t offer. Slowly you helped him get naked and into the shower. He was too drunk to even try and put on the charms, but he shoved you a bit to make himself feel better about it. It was all too much: walking into the tangle of his exposed nerves, the thoughtfulness and the swift return to degradation. You needed some air, so you walked back into the night to allow him to sober up, however briefly. When you returned, he was gone, but the bags stayed behind.

*^*

October 14, 2014

The bar with the tiniest umbrellas

          The kiss-asses in suits loomed like Agent Smith wannabes, one was barely free from the Axe-body spray of his vessel’s frat boy days. You didn’t care for business and you certainly didn’t want them looking down their noses at you and how your presence was wasting “valuable” time. Instead of engaging them in soul conversion percentages, you ordered another drink and one for Crowley, for whenever he decided to show. Mending bridges was unbearably necessary now that Sam was back in the picture. You felt the mortal coil tightening around your insides, be it from CC’s impatience or the inevitability of being what you were: a demon in love with a hunter. Self-preservation was making you even more cagey than before you had ditched the dynamic duo.

          Crowley strolled in with the sound of welcome bells, a far off look in his eyes, the First Blade tight in his grasp. Heckle and Jeckle started off right away, but he ignored their pleas and took the seat next to you. “Somebody came crawling back with her tail between her legs.”

“Where is he?”

“With his brother, no thanks to you.”

“Is he--? Is everyone alright?”

Crowley raised his eyebrows and clenched his jaw, turning to play with the many pokey things in his ornate beverage. “I thought we had ironed out the kinks, once you left it was just the King and his trusty Knight. But he is no longer the brave little soldier daddy shaped him into, now he is a loose canon and, God willing, Sam is the only one who can sort that clusterfuck.”

“If he doesn’t kill him first,” you hissed into your shot glass.

“If you’re so worried about Moose, why don’t you scurry along. They’ll be home before you can find another payphone.”

You side-eyed the pair trying to interject, they each took a step back as you pushed out the stool and stood up. There was a lot you could have said in that moment, but none of it could fix what Dean had broken, especially not what was left of Crowley’s heart. Yours was all you could divine and that only left you chasing your tail. Crowley needed to move on, and Hell needed to be run, whether it by force or commerce. When the unique tingling started in your gut you smiled in gentle gratitude, his hand came up and you were gone before you even heard the snap.

*^*

‘Soul Survivor’

The Bunker’s dungeon

“Well, aint that the whore calling the kettle black,” Dean raised his eyebrows, accenting his demon pitch eyes.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sam huffed.

“You gonna tell him, or show him,” Dean stared you down until a goosebump-inducing sneer spread across his features. “Miss Collins is not home right now, can rando demon bitch take a message?”

You tried not to flinch, but the insult stacked on top of the unceremonious reveal left you feeling exposed, dirty even. “Yeah, yeah, big deal, jackass,” you snipped, jutting your chin at Dean’s restrained form. “I’d worry about my own self if I was you.”

“No, CC wouldn’t let that happen, not after all those months,” Sam gaped, he was a better liar than you thought. “She wouldn’t let something like you back in unless you forced her.” Maybe he wasn’t completely acting.

Dean started laughing. “You guys wanna take a minute? I mean it’s always a treat watching the grown ups fight, but—”

“You, shut up,” Sam growled at Dean. “And you,” he hissed over his shoulder, “stop talking, you make me sick.”

“Don’t get all self-righteous on me Sam, I mean, all of us here have fucked a demon. Or two,” you left off on a sigh. The younger Winchester recoiled; mouth pinched as if you had slapped him across the face.

“She’s got you there, don’t she?” Dean smirked now. You had grown to hate what he had become, even if he was backing you up.

“Are you working for Crowley?! Have you been--” Sam grabbed the bottle of Holy Water in his good hand, pointing the opening at you while he focused his tunnel vision.

“Not a Crowley stooge,” you held up your hands in surrender, trying not to roll your eyes as Sam’s authoritative side took over.  “I don’t have any ulterior motives, I’m not Ruby. I didn’t have an endgame.”

“Just stop bringing her up! This isn’t about who fucked whom, this is about getting my brother back. Is Chloe even alive in there?” Sam’s voice leveled, how he remained focused at all, stumped you.

You nodded. “She’s fine and she is very proud of you right now, if you must know,” you lied to continue the dramatics, ensuring Dean’s over confidence before the plan could continue.

“Awww, wittle Sammy has a cheerleader,” Dean sing-songed.

“Shut up.” Sam snapped. He started sorting through the bags of blood, grabbing a syringe before turning to you. “Are you going to help? Or do I have to exorcise you for good this time?” He spun towards Dean and squared his shoulders. “Buckle up.”

“Sammy, you know I hate shots.”

“I hate demons,” Sam said sadly before tossing holy water in Dean’s face, the demonic grunt escaping his lips as Sam sunk the needle in his brother’s arm. Dose one had been administered. “Look, we got a whole bunch more of these to go. You could make it a lot easier on yourself.”

Sam paused, the olive branch dangling between them. Then Dean shifted, the evil within him fighting the purified blood, impossible bestial cries rang from his body. You swallowed, dumbfounded and truly terrified of him for the first time since the farmhouse. Thankfully, he was restrained. You watched Sam take in Dean’s torment while you waited for the next move.

*^*

It had been hours, Sam sometimes insisting on going in alone, sometimes not bothering to even acknowledge you were tagging along. You couldn’t remember the last time you were this tired: thoughts muted, eyes floating in their sockets, fuzzy limbs kind of tired. But you didn’t dare risk sleep to leave Dean truly alone with Sam, especially an injured Sam. It was during a solo dosage when you started another pot of coffee and turned to head back toward the library when a massive hand clamped down over your mouth. Instinct kicked in and you pushed back with every physical or psychic force you could muster.

Instantly you were free, a large crash and strangled moan cut off behind you. Sam dragged himself off the floor with fire in his eyes.

“He’s out,” he whispered, pulling himself to his feet. You took him in, pale and gawky, CC’s alarm threading through your veins with every heartbeat.

“Do you have your knife?”

Sam sniffed and nodded, chewing on the thought of stabbing his brother. You silently worked out the flanking of searching the Bunker, letting Sam take the lead. CC started to buckle in, her thoughts louder than they had been in months. You reached out with your senses, trying to feel him, but what warding there was against you was enough to dull his resonance. You unsheathed CC’s knife and started moving five paces behind Sam. He grabbed the spare keys from a drawer when an unmistakable voice rattled through the halls.

“Come on, Sammy! Don’t you want to hang out with your big brother? Bring the bitch along, hell we can share her.”

Your insides froze with the menace in his voice. Then you were kicked out of the driver’s seat with a speed and finality you couldn’t comprehend.

*^*

CC had let this go on long enough; she shook out her hands and settled back into control over her body like an alumni walking the well-worn halls of their education, both foreign and familiar with an undercurrent buzzing beneath the surface. She spun her blade and tossed it to the opposite hand, a once flawless motion was now almost too easy. She snorted back a giggle at the feeling of being real and present once more, like a chest full of fresh air and warm laundry all in one go. Then reality pressed in and she leaped into action.

The instant the emergency lights flared overhead; CC bolted back the way you came knowing that Dean knew where the breakers were. Sam followed none the wiser as Dean continued to mock praise him. One second, he was an arm’s length behind her and the next he was gone. Quietly, she back tracked as Sam slammed the door to the Electrical room and locked it.

“Are you serious?!” CC gaped at Sam as he stood listening through the door, knife at the ready but still so optimistic.

“… I know you’re still in there somewhere. Just let me finish the treatments. Dean?”

The first chunk of the door flew at Sam’s face, sending him on his heels and into CC’s bubble.

“You act like I want to be cured! Personally, I like the disease.” Dean’s eyes glinted through the holes he had pounded through the door. Gaps between the boards like a toothpick prison crumbling with each swing.

“I don’t want to have to use this blade on you!” Sam was desperate, begging and it hurt CC to witness it. He was the little brother again and though she hadn’t known him as a child, she knew the real Dean would never be able to dismiss his brother’s pleas. She pulled Sam away from the line of fire, readying her own knife and bracing herself for his inevitable escape. “No, what are you doing?! You can’t use that on him!”

“Shut up, Tweedle Dumb, just let a girl work.”

“Chloe?”

She cocked her head and locked eyes on the thing bursting from the door: show time.

“Well, well, well, look who wants to play hero.” Dean swung again, punctuating his taunts with his hammer. “It’s my lucky day. I’ve been blessed, because there is just enough demon in me to kill your meatsuit, finally free you up to be all you. Can. Be. Then, I’m gonna kill my brother and you’re gonna watch.”

CC felt Sam dive behind her as Dean stepped through the remnants of the door. He glanced impatiently as she mirrored his movements, shielding Sam without giving Dean a path. “You know what, asshole? You can take your threats and shove ‘em. You wanna dance? Let’s dance, just me and whatever you are anymore.”

Sam raced back to the dungeon, searching for anything that could give them the upper hand. Sam didn’t want to risk them killing each other in his absence, but he hoped their slightly even footing would buy him the time he needed.

“Hiya, Chloe, nice to see you again. She smoke out? Couldn’t handle Sam’s bitch face?”

“Nope, got her packed away for safe keepin’, too bad you can’t say the same.” CC shifted her weight, swiping widely and slicing the edge of his shirt. Dean caught her by the wrist, twisting her knife hand above their heads.

“You’re missing my point. This? Lean, mean Dean? Here to stay, Sweetheart.” She glanced up at his grip on her and her weapon and without flinching she kicked out his knee, throwing them both against the wall she broke out of his grasp, the hammer thudded to the floor. He grasped her hair in one deft fist fall, before kneeing her in the kidney. She buckled, falling against him. Dean stepped back and kicked her once in the side until she fell, curling in on herself. Carefully he kneeled at her side, with the hand still in her hair he lifted her ear to his lips and whispered, “stay down or I’ll put you down.”

CC thrashed against him, hurling herself against him as hard as she could. She managed to rock him onto his ass, but he took her roots with him, pulling with all of his might. She screamed as he groaned in satisfaction. She jabbed him in the ribs with the handle of her blade, when he spun them both. His thick thighs pinned her beneath him, as she tried to flip him off of her chest. Dean rolled his hips, his cock rutting against her tits as he held her wrists, twisting them down. She caved on the edge of a fracture, moving the joints with his control, unwilling to risk that sort of handicap. With her knife lost in the tussle, Dean inhaled deeply and grinned down at CC in sickening triumph.

CC swallowed as she felt the rigidness in his jeans, he leaned in, crushing her with his weight, her breath pushed from her lungs like the final tuft of bubble wrap. He watched her struggle; her eyes bulged, and color left her face. Dean rocked into her soft breasts, relishing in the lethargic shift of her weight beneath him. Finally, the creak and crunch of her bones rippled from the force of his increased strength. As the light faded from her eyes an acidic cascade fell over his head and back. He howled, digging his heels into her ribcage, which granted reprieve from the pressure on her chest.

“Let her go!”

Another barrage of holy water hit Dean and he fell to the side of CC’s body, boots kicking wildly as he tried to stand. He screamed and lunged for the hammer. Sam held his knife up, terrified at what he had to do.

“Well look who decided to join us. Ready to play, Sammy?”

Sam stepped forward, trying not to be distracted with the way Chloe’s body remained unnaturally still. Dean looked him dead in the eyes and jumped forward, psyching Sam a little and then swung, landing the hammer in the plaster just behind where Sam’s face had been. The Kurdish blade kissed Dean’s throat, but he knew he hadn’t lost.

“Well, look at you. Do it,” Dean taunted. He watched Sam’s surprise melt into submission. As Sam dropped the blade and Dean let his eyes flood black, three things happened: Dean stepped toward Sam in certain victory, Chloe gasped to life in their periphery, a startling golden glow radiating over her chest and neck and Castiel’s arms caged Dean in place, the power of his stolen grace containing the demon.

“It’s over. Dean, it’s over.”

Next Chapter: The Ending You Expected

#known series #demon!dean #dean winchester #dean fic #dark fic #dean x reader #dean x demon!reader #dean x female vessel #dean x OC #possession #blood #violence #soul survivor #demon!dean x demon!reader #dean x female oc #dean x you #to cure a demon

[kariachi]

It’s today’s last episode, and it’s the special 90s tribute one people have been so excited for me to see.

Kevin is back, back again, in Introducing Kevin 11!

Oh gods, even the music over the opening credits is 90s

A swap meet dedicated to the 90s. Speaking as someone born in 1990, the nostalgia is already real.

Ben, doubting his grandfather is qualified to be watching children. As I have for 11 years

“Spend your money wisely” three guesses Ben’s response and the first two don’t count

Ben, about to drop everythign he owns on vintage sumo slammer cards. Speaking as a digimon fan, I feel him. You’d be amazed what I’d give for some of those things.

Dear dude at the sumo slammer booth, fuck off.

Fight to the death over a sumo slammers figure.

Okay, not a fight to the death, but still overkill

My gods, Kevin has managed to be the most 90s thing in the room. He’s wearing fucking rollerblades and a garish blue/purple/yellow combo. I went to school with people in that outfit! I’m pretty sure I’ve seen that jacket in person!

Oh my gods, including the headwear. When this boy comes to a swapmeet he comes prepared. Now I wanna see what the fuck he’d have worn to the ren fair.

When your rival is dressed in such vintage sparkles appear over your head.

The slow shift from ‘aw, Ben isn’t rising to my teasing’ to fucking ‘oh I know how to ruin his day’ Grinch smile is lovely

omg Kevin pulling out the “in the 90s it was cool to be bad”. It’s adorable, like watching children try to cite medieval standards.

And Kevin pulls out an alien once Ben refutes his attempts to get him to misbehave. Not even because he’s annoyed, just for fun.

Rush, also cool, very insect vibe.

Apparently this Kev doesn’t like Sumo Slammers. Or at least Ben doesn’t think he does. Also Kevin stealing a toy purely because Ben wanted to buy it.

Poor meteor feet saleman.

Also Kevin is having such fun with this.

Ben, I don’t blame you for being upset, but could you do less destroying stuff?

Ben has awakened the not-Furbies, they’re attacking. We’re not gonna follow it.

Kevin- steals toy and goes playing keepaway Ben- destroys swapmeet in attempt to get toy back

Great at drafting, bad at art, good job, Kev

Gods preserve me, there’s just so much 90s. My nostalgic heart is dying. And that’s even without Kevin. I may not survive this.

Going Skunkmoth to steal food

Also Skunkmoth looks awesome, just like all Kev’s aliens. Actually I should see if I can find any figures of this shit on amazon...

Welp, that shit’s not mint condition now

Welp

...okay 1) Kevin we don’t fart in people’s faces, 2) damn that other sumo nerd was a jerk. Like, to blame that on Ben takes willful ignorance given Kevin was right there, sticking his ass in Ben’s face, and called for his attention just before farting. I hope that other kid lost his cards on the bus or something.

Ben finally getting to properly throwdown, get revenge for Kevin’s bullshit.

Oh Kevin baby. We’ve finally gotten to the one Kevin scene I was properly spoiled for and boy is it a doozy. Ben knocks Kevin around until he times out and Kevin gets upset with him. As far as he was concerned he was just playing, having fun, and Ben, still Four Arms, calls him out, says it wasn’t fun for him. He demands answers for why Kevin’s been following him, demands he basically get his own life. Kevin doesn’t answer his question, just calls him a baby and tells him to run off back to his grandfather, and Ben-

“At least I have someone to run back to-!” Note, I’ve seen people give Ben shit over this, but I’ll allow it if just because the second it comes out his mouth he realizes he crossed a line and tries to backpedal. He’s not a bad kid, he just, well, kids are stupid and he’s worked up. And Kevin, the look on his face, like he’s pissed and upset at the same time. And when he responds there’s baring of teeth, but also he’s very clearly really upset. Ben struck a serious nerve there with him, for one reason or another.

“So, that’s how it is.” This line has stuck with me since I first saw this scene, how it’s said, and now with the context- I said before, when talking about Kevin’s bullying behavior and what might be behind it, that Kevin might not target Ben specifically for any reason at all, and I think now is when I should clarify that. I don’t think Kevin’s targeting Ben was personal. Because this moment right here, that’s a ‘now it’s personal’ moment. Whatever reason Kevin targeted him, it’s not because Kevin had a problem with him specifically. But right here, right now, in Kevin’s mind Ben has escalated things. And so he dials up something “original”, just for him.

And through all that, Ben’s still trying to apologize.

Bashmouth looks awesome

Half of this episode has been Ben calling Kevin and his shit cool.

“Kevin, you’re out of control” Yes, yes he is, this is one pissed and hurt puppy. One who, when he responds with “Who cares” does it loudly enough that Ben’s blown back, the ground beneath his feet craters, and some concrete supports start cracking.

Bashmouth=Kevin’s Rath. Ben=Concerned little bean.

Ben is having an existential crisis because Kevin is cooler and stronger and gets an extra alien.

They are throwing a ‘don’t compare yourself to other people, love you for you’ moral at the end of this. I feel like it could’ve been placed better somewhere else. Comes out of left field a bit.

Plus- Ben apologizes to Kevin for his earlier remark, asks him to help clean up the disaster they caused so people don’t get hurt Cons- Kevin agreeing because Gwen

And Kevin punches through the fucking roof, escaping that way and leaving Ben in the collapsing whatever.

Kevin stopped to wave as he bounded off as Bashmouth

Forever Nerd showing up while Kev recovers from the day, criticizing his lack of control (which is bullshit, his control so far has been fine, Bashmouth was a mess and he’s got emotional issues, but Rath started out a mess too and he got a hang of shit fine in the end) and insisting that it doesn’t matter how much stronger he is if he can’t control himself. Offers to help. And Kevin reluctantly agrees. Honestly it almost feels like this ep would’ve worked better before Franken-Fight. Was scheduled wrong on both sides of the globe. It fills that void between it and KotC well.

10/11

#ben 10 2.os #my *son*

[wintersummer--3232]

Loss

When Eddie had gotten the call from Jameson of all people, albeit he was a bit miffed that the man threatened to blow up his cover, he hadn’t expected to hear that Carnage was back and worse, bonded with Norman Osborn becoming the Red Goblin.

So he and his darling agreed. Not only would they keep their cover but also stop a flying menace in the streets of New York.

Although they had been assaulted first by Mary Jane whom assumed they were after her, they managed to convince her to lower the defenses in Stark Tower so they could fight the Red Goblin properly. They got a couple of good hits but this was tougher than any of them thought.

Fire and sound didn’t work on him like they did on them and the Red Goblin had fire in his arsenal of weaponry.

And then Spider-Man showed up. Old grudges aside (plus they’ve moved on although they were not too keen on seeing Parker anyways) they worked in unison to get him down. Even with his help though, they still had a hard time getting the Red Goblin down.

So apparently from the conversation flying around between Spidey and Norman, Norman had gotten a child involved. Liz’s and Harry’s son. As if Norman couldn’t sink any lower. Children were innocent and to use a child sickened them to the core. Fear and rage broiled inside them just thinking of Sleeper who was residing in the labs below Alchemax.

Sleeper!

Could Norman have possibly known of Sleeper? But if he did, he would have taken Sleeper not Carnage in this case? Or did Norman take Sleeper already and feint that he didn’t know anything about Sleeper?

Whatever the case, they couldn’t let Norman get his hands on Sleeper!

Seeing that Mary Jane was alive albeit just receiving minor injuries, they ran out of Stark Tower and leaped out. “What are we waiting for? Let’s go!” They roared as they shot out webs and slung past the buildings ignoring Parker’s cry of alarm.

He was fast. That damn glider of his plus with it being enhanced by Carnage only made it faster. Soon enough, Parker had caught up to them.

“Slow down there, Venom! He’s headed to Alchemax!” Peter shouts.

That only made their fears grow even more.  

“All the more why we need to get there now!”

Peter noticed the sense of distress in Venom’s furious roar and he wondered why. “What’s wrong, Venom? Is there something you want to tell me?” He asks.

“None of your business, Parker!”

“Look, Eddie, I need to know what’s going on! I need to know everything that I’m dealing with other than Norman! Whatever it is you know, he might know!” Parker barks angrily.

Parker did raise a good point and his love pointed it out. “He’s right. I don’t like it either but maybe he can help us get Sleeper back if our child is taken by Red Goblin.” The symbiote said. Eddie begrudgingly had to agree.

“Fine. We met with Liz a few months ago. We needed her help because we always went into rages every now and then and we worked out a deal. A cure for these episodes and me dealing with the mad scientist in the sewers responsible for turning people into dinosaurs. We also came to her for help when we were about to birth Sleeper.”

“Wait, hold up! You mean those folks in the sewers, you got involved in that? And employing for help from the CEO of Alchemax? And you gave birth!?”

“Did we stutter?”

“So this Sleeper, is it going to turn out like Carnage?” That got an angry roar from Venom.

“No! We are raising Sleeper to be good!” Peter snorted at that. “You, Eddie, a father? Alongside the symbiote?” That struck a nerve in both the symbiote and Eddie. True, they may had been filled with hate a long time ago towards one goal that is of killing Spider-Man. But during their time separated and going down their own paths, they had learned to be better as individuals and as partners in their deep relationship. Still are. And they won’t fail Sleeper now.

Letting half his face be uncovered, Eddie glared at Peter. “Believe all you want, Parker. But we are doing our best to become better, for Sleeper. So me and my other are helping not just to stop the Red Goblin but also making sure that Sleeper won’t fall into that maniac’s hands!” With that said, his face once again covered by the symbiote, they swung ahead as fast as they could towards Alchemax.

They got there just when they saw Liz getting tossed out of the window by the Red Goblin. Peter quickly caught Liz while they swung into the building, landing with a loud thud and roaring.

They saw a mini version of the Red Goblin whom they suspect to be Liz’s and Harry’s son about to be cut down by his own grandfather and quickly intervened, grabbing him from behind and holding him down as Harry aimed the glider he was on straight at Norman.

“You should know better than to use a child for your means. And to kill a child? You’ve really sunk so low, Norman. But it’s not our place to talk. His father wishes to have a word with you.” They said, grinning evilly as they saw Harry ready to aim to launch the glider.

“You should have known better than to get involved with my family, Father!! Using my son, ready to kill him… You’re no longer part of my family! To me and my family, you’re dead!” He screams with fury as he leaps off the glider that flew straight for the Red Goblin grabbing his son and shielding him with his frame.

They leaped out of the way letting the glider run Norman through hoping that it would work and keep him down this time for good.

While the family had their little reunion, Peter quickly joined Venom. Eddie swore under his breath when it didn’t seem to work. Even with the glider plunged into his chest, Norman was still standing on his feet alive and simply ripped the thing out.

“This is all your fault, you damn bug! My life in tatters because of you! And not to mention you, Venom! I could have it all but you just had to intervene and try to stop me alongside this bug! Why team up with him anyways? You’re enemies last I checked.” Norman snarled.

“We have our reasons!”

“Oh? Does that reason happen to be your precious little thing you gave birth to?”

“If you’ve taken him, we’ll rip you apart Norman!” They roared.

“I didn’t! But I wish that I had did! Maybe then I would torture and kill the slithery thing before your very eyes for what you did!”

That did it. With a loud roar full of rage and bloodlust, they rushed at Norman ready to tear out his throat, his guts and limbs. They just wanted him DEAD!

“Venom wait!” Peter chased after them out of the building as Venom chased after the Red Goblin, avoiding his bombs. Norman wanted this to happen. Send Venom into a blood rage so that he wouldn’t see straight. He led them further and further away, away where no help could reach them, where he could kill every single one of Parker’s loved ones.

“Yes, come after me you stupid, hulking thing!” This only baffled Peter. Why wasn’t Norman going after his loved ones? “What’s your game, Norman? I had expected you would be going after my loved ones by now?”

“Ever the smart one unlike this thing. I did go after them. Those little daggers I pierced them with? They would die with just a flick of my finger while agonizing from the sheer pain!”

Peter was horrified. He just hoped Flash had done something to save them all. And he was glad when he saw that it hadn’t worked. “Flash! It’s good seeing you again! What happened to you though?” He says as Flash appeared on the rooftop, barely any Anti-Venom left on him.

“I did my job. I got rid of every single one of those spikes from everyone else. They should be fine now.” Peter thanked him only for the Red Goblin to get the jump on him sending him away with the glider as Norman leaped off ready to kill Flash.

“Damn you! I’m going to kill you and then I’m going to kill Spider and that stupid alien!”

Venom wasn’t having it. Eddie had grown to respect Flash. It was after all he who allowed his darling to become better, to become a hero. They barreled into him knocking them down all the way onto another rooftop.

Enraged, the Red Goblin lunged at them, and they clashed furiously. They got some good hits in but they were no match against the fire he exuded and breathed. One good blast of fire from the Red Goblin’s mouth was enough to make them separate just a bit as they shrieked in pain.

Seeing his chance, the Red Goblin grabbed the symbiote and ripped it away from Eddie tossing it far away just at the edge of the rooftop.

“I’m going to make you pay, Brock! After everything that you did! You couldn’t just let me have my revenge against the bug and his stupid friend! Well, I’ll take you down first! And then that thing of yours and the little slime ball once I’m done with the Spider and his friend!” Norman yelled gripping his hands tight around Eddie’s neck, the strength from the Carnage symbiote nearly breaking his windpipe. Eddie struggled to break free but without the symbiote to help him, it was near impossible.

And then he screamed as Norman plunged his tail into his side pinning him down and then proceeded to shred him apart.

Peter saw from above still being dragged by the glider and Flash still on the rooftop in horror as Norman plunged his clawed hand straight into Eddie’s chest and even let the hand still around Eddie’s throat be exposed just to shock the man with his glove.

“Eddie!!” Both Flash and Peter shouted in horror.

The symbiote shrieked and lunged straight at Norman rage fueling it but Norman was ready and breathed out fire right at it making it shriek in pain from the intense heat.

“N-No! Stop!” Eddie chokes out, punching the Red Goblin in the face just enough to make him stop only for him to redirect more punishment on him.

Flash got hold of the glider and used whatever Anti-Venom to get the glider back to normal and freeing Peter. Grabbing ahold of Flash, Peter swung them to the rooftop. The symbiote quickly joined with Peter after asking for permission in his head which Peter lets it although he didn't like the fact he had to team up with it. Still better than nothing to stop Norman. But just as soon as they bonded, he almost fell immediately under the red haze of rage and bloodlust.

“Kill you! We’ll KILL YOU!”

With a roar, they knocked Norman sky high away from them.

“WE'LL KILL YOU!!”

“Peter stop! Don’t let yourself succumb to the anger. Listen to me, you need to calm down. It needs to calm down. It’s good, don’t let it regress.”

Peter eventually managed to calm down, not letting himself infect the symbiote with more rage. Although the symbiote was still furious, it could think clearly again now. “EDDIE!” They rushed to Eddie who was on his back in the middle of the rooftop.

Laying on his back in a pool of his own blood, Eddie was barely breathing. The gaping wound in his chest, the high voltage from the electric shock he got, and the massive blood loss from his wounds. He was going to die. Not even his darling could fix him knowing how weak it must be from the Red Goblin’s burning attack.

“Eddie! Move Peter, I can heal him!” Flash yells.

Eddie coughs and shakes his head. “Y-You can’t. You don’t have… enough… Anti-Venom.” He chokes out.

“T-Then the symbiote can!” Peter says. Just as he said that, the symbiote goes over to Eddie trying to heal him but it was too weak. The blasts of intense flames from the Red Goblin had left it too weak to heal him completely. The mortal injuries he had sustained would be too much for the symbiote.

Eddie could sense the symbiote getting weaker as it tried to heal him and told it to stop. “Stop, love. Stop. You’ll die too if you keep this up.”

“No Eddie! We can heal you! We can save you!”

“You’ll die too! S-Sleeper. He needs one of us t-to take care of… him… to t-teach him to be g-good.”

“Can’t lose you Eddie! We, we can raise Sleeper together!”

“I’m s-sorry love.” His vision was darkening and getting even more blurry. He turns his head to Flash, “I don’t h-have much time. It’ll t-tell you e-everything. J-Just protect S-Sleeper. Teach him to be good alongside it.” He says, his voice barely a whisper now.

Flash nods, not knowing of this Sleeper but he could sense that Eddie cared for whomever Sleeper is, and tried to keep the tears at bay but failing. Eddie didn’t deserve this. Even Peter didn’t want this. As much as Eddie had been a pain in the ass earlier in his life, he could see he had changed now for the better.

He felt a hand grip his and he knew it was his love’s, his other.

“I love you, darling.” He tells his other as he starts to fade.

“We love you too, Eddie.” It whimpered in his head, its grief palpable through their connection.

They say that your life would flash before your eyes before you die. He didn’t see his entire life but he did see the few images of his happier days. When he was with his darling and their child.

Staring up at the night sky, he saw the stars blinking above when earlier there hadn’t been any stars. It was as if the stars had come out to grieve.

As the light faded from his blue eyes and his hand loosened in the symbiote’s hand, the last thing he heard was the shrieks of grief echoing in his head from his love.

The symbiote shrieked and screamed, pulling away only to see his beloved’s blue eyes turn lifeless, felt his hand loosen its grip, felt his heart stop. They had only been reunited for a few months. Eddie couldn’t die now. Not now!

“EDDIE!”

Its roars of grief echoed throughout the city mixed in with the evil laughter of triumph of the Red Goblin.

#i posted this on ao3 too #suffer y'all #this was in my head for weeks #ever since i found out about flash thompson dying in the most recent venom comics #i admit i don't know much about the guy because i haven't read comics of him #nor the spiderman comics #just the recent venom comics #I JUST DID LOT OF RESEARCH ON ALL THESE CHARACTERS OKAY #i hope this is good #venom #eddie brock #symbrock #flash thompson #peter parker #spiderman #from that one issue of the amazing spiderman 800 #after hunting it down #venom comics #spiderman comics #sets in between the nativity and first host from the venom comics #suffer with me

[rkxsungwoon-blog]

✦ — MGA4 EPISODE 4: 2018 RELEASES #4048: HA SUNGWOON ; outfit: [ x ]  TEAM F (FRESH N’ FRUITY): @rkmg, @jinsoulrk, @rkyxrim performance: shine - pentagon / line distribution + choreography notes

team h comes in second place. sungwoon stares in open-mouthed shock as the results are announced as if he can’t believe it himself. jei seems disappointed by their placement, but sungwoon thinks even making it to second place is pretty damn impressive with how unbalanced their team was. it was the boys’ lack of dancing skill that ended up bringing the group down, not her leadership or her choreography. when it comes down it, sungwoon’s grateful for all her hard work and a little upset to see team dynamiq split up for the next round. 

though not completely—minhyuk is still on his new team, and sungwoon’s excited to get to work with him again. the rest of their teammates are on the younger side this time, so it’s nice to have someone else here to keep things focused and on track. once again, they’re practicing in the kt building; he’s grown used to the practice rooms here by now and takes comfort in the familiar (though part of still wishes he could get the chance to visit the nova building before all this is over). 

but he gets thrown for a loop early in the morning, when minhyuk stops by to tell them he’s dropped out of the mgas. he’s terribly apologetic about the whole thing and brings them ‘i’m sorry’ cupcakes, but sungwoon still feels a little lost and unable to grasp what’s going on. he doesn’t feel like he can blame minhyuk for his decision, but he still finds it a bit unfair. they’re going to be the only team with four members now—and eliminations happened just yesterday. won’t the people who left feel like this is unfair?

sungwoon genuinely doesn’t know how best to react, but as the oldest one here now, he forces a smile and accepts minhyuk’s apology. “it’s okay, you gotta do what’s best for you,” he says. “we’ll be fine.” he tries to sound as reassuring as possible; the last thing he wants is for the rest of the group to feel anxious over something like this. it’ll be a challenge to fill the stage just with the four of them, but it’s too early to adopt a defeatist attitude. he’s sure they can work something out in the coming week. 

privately, sungwoon just hopes this won’t hurt them in the round. 

in the beginning, there are bananas. 

one banana, to be exact, nestled in a transparent starbucks cup. sungwoon carries it into the practice room like the olympic torch because his dick of a friend thought it would be funny to mess up his order and sungwoon rolled with it. after minhyuk’s surprise exit, sungwoon needed a moment to clear his head and grab a cup of coffee from the nearby starbucks. he’d forgotten his wallet and tried to convince his friend to give him a drink for free—and the “cup of water: no water, no ice, banana, no” is what he gave sungwoon, no charge. sungwoon doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do with it and just brings it back with him. 

thankfully, it’s hilarious, especially since jinsoul and yerim later suggest banana allergy monkey as a potential performance. sungwoon’s never even heard of the song, and the look he exchanges with mingyu is equal parts startled and worried as the girls show them the music video… the song and the choreography are almost saccharine in its cuteness, and sungwoon makes an attempt to follow along with the choreo halfheartedly before giving up and shaking his head. “i know i opened the can of bananas here, but, uh…” 

but it’s a hidden camera prank—something to ease the nerves and break the ice between all of them. sungwoon slumps against the wall when the girls reveal they were joking and groans, clutching his hand to his chest. “you had me going there.” he genuinely thought he’d have to dance on stage a literal monkey (or banana) suit for a while. the atmosphere in the practice room after that is light-hearted and comfortable. sungwoon’s glad. he worried minhyuk’s departure would result in a heavy silence, but team f seems to be getting along just fine thanks to banana allergy monkey. 

it’s surprising how quickly sungwoon warms up to mingyu, jinsoul, and yerim. prior to being grouped up together, he hadn’t really been paying attention to any of them. the mgas overall are so overwhelming, it takes all he has to focus solely on himself, much less others. luckily, they’re all agreeable and fun to work with, as an a bonus, their team is well balanced for once: sungwoon and jinsoul are both vocals, yerim is a dancer, and mingyu can rap. 

song selection isn’t particularly difficult either. jinsoul initially suggests love4eva, but it doesn’t have enough of a rap to showcase mingyu’s talents. touch, giddy up, and jealousy also come up during their discussion, but sungwoon has to reluctantly bring attention to his lack of dancing ability. the choreographies for those songs are pretty difficult. finally, jinsoul suggests shine by pentagon, and they all agree it’s a good choice. there’s enough vocal and rap parts to satisfy their group’s needs, and a fun choreography for yerim as well. as a bonus, sungwoon loves the song, so he’s more than happy with their decision. 

they decide on a group name pretty quickly too. it’s a play on the song title ‘365 fresh,’ their fruity beginnings, and their designation as team f: fresh n’ fruity. it captures the spirit of their team well, he thinks. the topic of leader comes up soon after, and sungwoon’s a little surprised to find himself put in the position. in some ways, it makes sense: he’s the oldest and he has experience, but he wonders if he’s really up to the task. this isn’t keeping his band together. people are counting on him to make sure they deliver the best performance possible by the end of the week. but it’s a responsibility he’s willing to accept. “thanks, guys. i really mean it. i’ll do my best for you all,” he says, giving them a confident grin. 

inside, he’s not so sure, but he means what he said. he’ll do his best for this team. 

sungwoon spends some time watching his teammates’ cuts from the previous episodes so he can get a better sense of their skills. in the process, he gets exposed to some of mnet’s more questionable editing choices, especially with yerim. sungwoon has a hard time reconciling the girl he met with the bratty kid on screen. dealing with woojin on a daily basis has given him more perspective, however. sometimes it’s the circumstances and sometimes it’s the people around you, but most problem kids aren’t really a problem at all if you’re willing to treat them with respect.

he suspects jinsoul probably deserves a lot of the credit for making yerim more comfortable with this team than she was with the last one. the two are really close, that much becomes obvious on day one, and it translates into a better working atmosphere for them all. he’s grateful for that. since they’re all comfortable with each other, it’s easier to toss ideas around and work together. sungwoon would like to believe he’s an approachable leader as well, but something makes him doubt that.

jinsoul is initially unable to tell him she wants the high note before the final chorus in the song. yerim advocates on her behalf, but sungwoon doesn’t get a chance to talk to jinsoul about it until they’re practicing together. it’s not really a fight or even an argument; he just wants to work things out and make sure jinsoul won’t regret anything on stage. she’s a good, kind person, but he figures she must be a little nervous because of her team placement from last week and doesn’t want her to hold back for anyone’s sake, much less his own.

in the end, they decide to leave things the way they are. while sungwoon thinks jinsoul really deserves it, he doesn’t want to push a decision onto her either way. if she’s not confident enough this time, that’s fine—he just hopes that in the future, jinsoul will go for what she wants. she’s talented enough to pull it off, and if nothing else, sungwoon believes in her. he privately vows to himself that he’ll make sure jinsoul gets her chance in the spotlight despite all this.

one of the things he likes the most about team f is their creativity. shine is a great stage to begin with, but they’re always thinking of ways to go beyond and transform the performance into something wholly theirs. together, the team eventually comes up with a shoujo manga-esque concept, since the song is about a love confession. it’s a school setting, with yerim kicking off a string of love confessions, and by the end of the song, everyone is paired off with their respective partners.

out of consideration for his short stature and pride, sungwoon gets paired with yerim. while the performance starts off with yerim confessing to mingyu, she and sungwoon ‘end up’ together at the end. sungwoon is supposed to have a crush on her throughout the performance, and they have a lot of partner choreo together as well. staying serious is a problem though; they both recognize the ridiculousness of the scenario and break out into laughter whenever they have to pretend to act like love-struck fools. it takes a while, but they finally learn to control their expressions during their parts.

sungwoon brings lunchboxes and snacks for his team throughout the week. he’s not known as the naggy mom friend in all his circles for no reason, but he genuinely enjoys cooking for other people too. and he wants to be sure everyone’s eating and staying hydrated in such a busy time. amusingly enough, this leads to him being named the ‘team dad’ for a second week in a row, though he could probably do without the nicknames that come out of it too. still, he thinks he doesn’t mind being the team dad here. sungwoon could do a lot worse than be tied to these three.

he isn’t looking forward to their team being dissolved. can’t they work together for the rest of the show? wishful thinking, but you gotta have dreams.

they all practice hard. he feels like a misconception people might have is that their team is all about laughter and goofing off. while yes, they have fun, they take things seriously as well. yerim and jinsoul are a hundred perfect dedicated to the performance; yerim helps everyone out with their dancing as the best dancer out of all of them, and jinsoul takes meticulous notes on their practices, pointing out mistakes and areas of improvement as kindly as possible. and mingyu—his work ethic is unbelievable. he stays late and shows up early; sungwoon feels like he’s constantly practicing, giving he upcoming performance his all.

and then he finds out mingyu stays in the practice room all night. sungwoon doesn’t know what to do—he feels like this is something he should’ve caught onto earlier and wants to make sure mingyu isn’t pushing himself beyond his limits, but it obviously goes deeper than that. there’s something else going on. after some hesitation, mingyu finally opens up about his worries regarding the competition. having been in one of the bottom ranking teams last week, he’s scared it might happen again and wants to work twice as hard to make sure it doesn’t.

sungwoon gets it; of course you wouldn’t want to risk being in the same position twice. he promises mingyu team f won’t suffer the same fate. “believe in us,” sungwoon says, clapping him on the back. “we’re not going anywhere, okay?” it’s a confident statement, but he sees how hard everyone’s working, how fervently they believe in this team’s potential. sungwoon can’t help but get swept up in it too. it’s his job to keep everyone’s spirits up, keep them focused and believing they can take that number one spot. trust in something long enough and you can make it happen.

they’ve all overcome a lot. it would be a shame to go out like this.

sungwoon returns to the practice room after their ‘team bonding’ dinner at yerim and jinsoul’s house. it’s a little hypocritical of him to do so when he told his group mates to get some rest for tomorrow, but he’s not going to be able to sleep anyway, so why not do something useful with his time and practice the choreography? he has jinsoul’s notes and yerim’s pointers to work with. sungwoon feels like he’s been helped by this team members a lot this week and doesn’t want to let them down. 

it’s late and the only sounds he can hear are his shoes scuffing against the floor and his own laboured breathing. he’s familiar with some of the point choreography already, but sungwoon really wants to nail it as best as possible. this dance is more about charisma and energy than it is about skill, but that doesn’t mean you can’t pay attention to skill at all. enthusiasm can only take you so far. 

he goes over the non-partner dances until they’re drilled into his skull, sings until his lips are dry and cracked, his throat protesting. sungwoon knows he’s teetering on the edge to pushing himself to a breaking point—the very thing he was worried about for his teammates—but the sharp voice in his head tells him to break if he must. nothing less will be accepted. after all, he doesn’t want to have any regrets either. nothing less than his absolute best will be accepted. 

eventually, he takes a break. sungwoon’s shirt clings to his skin as he shuffles forward to get a drink of water before laying down spread-eagle on the floor. it’s pleasantly cool down here; he rolls over and presses his warm cheek to the floor and sighs. truthfully, he’s fucking exhausted, but he can’t stop here. a little more practice, then he’ll head home to hopefully get a couple of hours of sleep before the soundcheck. with that in mind, sungwoon wills himself to get up, but he can’t muster up the energy to do anything besides roll onto his back and stare up at the ceiling. 

he catches a glimpse of the camera recording his pathetic solo practice out of the corner of his eye. “are you there, mnet? it’s me, sungwoon,” he quips, laughing tiredly when he gets no response. talking to a camera… cool. mnet’s always there anyway. pausing, sungwoon licks his lips and thinks of what to say. ideally, there’s a lot he wants to get off his chest but more than half of it is stuff he knows he shouldn’t vocalize. after some deliberation, he settles on a plea. “i know you’re not santa claus and we don’t always get what we want here, but… i don’t want to say goodbye to jinsoul, yerim, or mingyu this week.” 

himself? it’s a toss up. sungwoon feels burdened every time someone goes home. this wasn’t his dream when he came on here. it seems deceitful for him to still be on the show. he doesn’t know where he stands now, and that’s almost as bad. some of last week’s eliminations wear on him; sungwoon wasn’t close with any of those who left, but it wasn’t easy to watch. he doesn’t want to see other peoples’ dreams get crushed… but in his heart of hearts, he wants to selfishly stay on the show too. but it’s like he said—they don’t always get what they want here. 

“please watch over team f kindly,” he finishes lamely, forcing himself onto his feet. feeling foolish for speaking to an empty room, he chuckles and rubs the back of his neck. “this probably isn’t going to air, right?” just as well people don’t get to see him make a fool of himself. sungwoon gives the camera two thumbs up before starting up the music again to practice. mnet’s not going to save his team because he asked nicely; he needs to put in the work to make it happen. 

and you bet he fucking will. 

soundcheck passes by in a blur and soon they’re backstage watching the other groups perform. once again, sungwoon’s team is slated to take the stage near the end of the show. he has mixed feelings about it: on one hand, the extra time helps him prepare mentally for going up on stage. on the other, the anticipation is killing him. sungwoon tries to distract himself by watching out for his former teammates and cheering them on whenever they take the stage. the performances are all just as good—if not better—than last week. he really sees some people he didn’t notice before shine up there. 

finally, it’s their turn. before team f goes up on stage, sungwoon stops them with an uncharacteristically serious look. “guys, i—” he breaks off and shakes his head. whatever he wants to say can wait; there’s no point in bringing the mood down before they even perform. instead, he affixes a bright smile to his face and pumps his fist in the air. “we got this! fighting!” sungwoon’s designated sappy speech can wait till they’re done. 

on stage, it falls to him to kick off the greeting. as rehearsed, sungwoon begins with, “nice and juicy—“ while the others chime in with “—fresh and fruity!” he bites back a laugh as he delivers the rest of the introduction. “hello, we are team fresh n’ fruity! i’m our bananappa, ha sungwoon. please keep me fresh in your hearts!” jinsoul’s assigned fruit is peach, mingyu’s an apple, and yerim gets the cherry. sungwoon should’ve petitioned for watermelon, but the banana is a nod to their start. 

the lights dim. they quickly get into position as the first notes of the instrumental intro fill the studio. keeping in theme with their shoujo manga concept, the stage is set up to be reminiscent of a classroom. they’re all dressed in school uniforms too, borrowed from hanlim students they know. seated at makeshift desks on stage, sungwoon pretends to be absorbed in ‘studying’ for a few seconds before throwing his pencil down and stretching his arms over his head. he pretends to watch in shock, mouth open in a giant ‘O,’ as yerim starts off the song by pulling mingyu away and confessing to him. 

after her rap, yerim and jinsoul run off giggling together and the focus shifts to sungwoon’s part. the choreography here is the same as the original song and meant to be energetic. he’s able to keep up, having spent as much time as he can practicing. everything he learned last week under jei’s guidance comes in handy as well, and he makes sure to grin widely for the camera, making it clear he’s having the time of his life up here. 

달라질게 없는 맘을 가진 너는  마치 뿌리 깊은 나무 같아서

they decided to stick to the regular choreography for the chorus as well. the dance is iconic enough that the audience has to be able to enjoy it and follow along. sungwoon himself knew of it thanks to vines before he ever saw a video of the song. his movements aren’t as polished as the rest of his team’s—he knows he’s the weakest dancer out of all of them—but he hopes his enthusiasm and dedication to the dance makes up for it. this stage is meant to be fun, and that’s really what he wants people to take away from his performance. sungwoon’s having fun. 

그래 나는 머저리 머저리

이 세상 너 하나면 돼

it’s mingyu’s turn to confess to jinsoul during his rap next. once he’s done, sungwoon walks over to one side of the stage while singing with mingyu while jinsoul and yerim walk to the other. they’re supposed to be talking to each other about their crushes, so sungwoon tries to throw furtive glances over to where the girls are, trying his best to channel a combination of sneaky and awkward. it really takes him back to his high school days… 

용기가 없어서 i’m sorry 더 맘껏 비웃어 그래 나는

they change it up for the second chorus: mingyu glances over at the girls while singing his lines while jinsoul looks over at the guys while singing hers. they start walking back to the centre of the stage for sungwoon and yerim’s partner choreo. while walking backwards, they bump into each other and look at each other shly; sungwoon blushes under the harsh stage lights and scratches the back of his neck as he sings his lines to yerim, recalling his own high school crushes and what it felt like to be in love with someone. the feeling isn’t as elusive as he thought it would be. 

baby i’m only yours oh oh oh

난 사랑 앞에선 늘 찌질이

mingyu raps again, and it’s back to sungwoon and yerim singing together. he follows after her while singing his lines, trying to confess, but she doesn’t realize what he’s trying to do. finally, both pairs stop in the middle of the stage, sungwoon and jinsoul standing back to back, and deliver their confessions. it’s the part with the disputed high note, and though sungwoon ended up with it in the end, he and jinsoul still need to harmonize together. while he sings, he gets down on one knee and offers yerim a giant paper heart he pulled out of his jacket, aware that jinsoul’s doing the same behind him. 

한가지 말할 게 있어 난 네 앞에 서면 떨려

[JS/SW] 너를 사랑해

they delve into partner choreography after that as the love confessions are accepted, and there’s an extra bounce, a lightheartedness to his movements now as he follows the dance, looking at yerim like how he’d look at someone he was crazy about. sungwoon would normally feel nervous about dancing with someone else like this, but he has team dynamiq and jei’s partner choreography to thank for his ease up on stage right now. 

그래 나는 머저리 머저리

이 세상 너 하나면 돼

the last part before jinsoul finishes the song is one they sing together. there’s more cute partner choreography here, with mingyu hugging jinsoul during his “my baby!” line. 

(everybody says) 눈누난나 너와 나 눈을 감아 뭐 할까 (뽀뽀) 구구까까 butterfly

at the end, they stand in their respective couples, looking like a high school drama come to life. sungwoon makes a heart with his arms and shoots it at yerim first before turning to the audience with a wide grin. his chest is heaving, his limbs are shaky, but he looks at the crowd and at his teammates and feels like his heart is about to burst. they put their everything into this stage—it’s truly a product of their collective efforts—and he hopes people will appreciate that. 

as they come off the stage, he sinks to a crouch and covers his face with his hands. “i can’t believe i called myself ‘bananappa’ on national television,” sungwoon groans. hindsight’s always twenty-twenty, but he can say that’s about the only regret he has. sighing, he straightens up and gives his team a smile. “i had a whole sappy speech prepared for you guys, but i don’t want to get into it, so i’ll just say this: no matter what happens tonight, i’m proud of our performance and of you all.” swallowing past the lump in his throat, he looks out at their faces and really hopes they make it. “we killed it up there, but most importantly, we made that stage ourselves and i think that’s pretty awesome.” 

the mgas are still a competition at the end of the day, but sungwoon would like to think he made some friends this week—and that team fresh n’ fruity will live on in their hearts for a while.

#rkmga4 #rkmga4new #rkmg #jinsoulrk #rkyxrim #( c: solo ) #( i don't even want to check the word count nope ) #( this is long and rambly and all kinds of awful so i'm sorry in advance! )

[writefasttalkevenfaster]

Aaron Hotchner / Forget it

As requested by anon: 

“Hotch x wife/coworker! reader where the reader goes through the situation that elle did in season2 ep5. how would hotch handle the situation since it’s his wife?” 

I loved this request, although I took some liberties with it since even though I do like Elle, I don’t agree with what she did in Season 2, Episode 5. So I did make some changes to it, but I think this makes it more interesting since it’s not just a rehash of the same scene! Please enjoy! 

“Look who it is,” You got to your feet, unwavering in your fury. Mr. Jones: a wretch of a man. Although his appearance didn’t first show it. Like most ugly things, the devil was in the details. 

His smile appeared to be charming, the things that came out of it weren’t as lucky. His face was that of a Greek god: chiseled, angular, strong, but he had the attitude to match; overbearing, controlling, and manipulative. His clothes exuded wealth, from head to toe. His shoes could easily mortgage a house. Though no matter how much money he has, he was impoverished when it came to any facet of empathy or decency. He did not show a hint of remorse for the ladies he claimed not to rape, strangle, and dump, nor did he flinch when you showed him the crime scene photos. Why would he? He was too busy admiring his handiwork, a glimmer of pride evident on his face for only a moment. 

The rest of the team didn’t see it, but you did. Because he wanted you to. 

And you didn’t forget it. 

You didn’t forget it as they kept him in interrogation for all day; you didn’t forget it when his lawyer arrived; and you didn’t forget when they had no choice but to let him go. You watched him leave, his hands in his pockets, as he smugly strolled out of the precinct. Aaron tried to lead you away, your anger evident on your face, even so you stood your ground, staring. Jones only chuckled when he saw you glaring daggers sharp enough to kill, returning it with a wink. You had stormed out of the precinct, walking out to watch him only drive away in his Maserati. You remembered how could only stare in the direction the car drove off in for several moments, until you felt a hand touch your shoulder. 

“Y/N,” Aaron Hotchner stood in his familiar intimidating fashion, well intimidating to those who weren’t married to him, which you were. You twirled your ring around your finger, his brown eyes drifted to your hand, before becoming hard with both frustration and worry, his shoulders stiff. “Don’t even think about going after him,” 

Aaron was one thing, if not a great profiler, then a mind reader. You took his hands, pressing them to your lips. “Aaron,” 

“Don’t try that,” His tone was terse, serious. He wasn’t your husband right now. He was your boss. “You can under no circumstances go after him, that’s an order. Just forget about him.” 

You narrowed your eyes, crossing your arms. His eyes flickered down to them, and back up to you. He knew he was going to sleeping on the couch tonight. “Yes sir, anything else?” 

“Go get some rest,” He took out his phone, scrolling through his messages. “I’m going to rejoin the team,” He glanced up to find your face twisted in anger, brow furrowed and lips pursed. “I’m doing this for your own good. I hope you know that,” He put his arms around you, and you allowed him to. 

“I know,” You whispered, as he pressed a kiss to your lips. And with that he left, thinking you would listen to him and go back to your room and forget it, like a good little agent. 

But you didn’t. And you weren’t. 

That’s how you found yourself here, face to face with Jones himself, outside his overcompensating tool of a mansion which towered over pompously over the other nearby houses. You lied in wait for him for an hour, when you saw his car pull up, you sat on the hood of your car, to make sure he didn’t miss you, and he didn’t. His expression that of not surprise, but joy. 

“Came by for a nightcap? It must be my lucky day,” His smile made your stomach turn in disgust, and you didn’t bother to hide it by his next words: “Aw, you must at least like me a little to wait out here for so long,” You strode up to him, unaffected by his remark, hands tight in fists.

Okay, so maybe it affected you a tad. 

“You’re not man enough to handle me,” You clapped him on the shoulder, with a smirk that made his bravado waver. “Just like you weren’t man enough to handle any of the women you raped. That’s why you had to rape and kill them.” You turned your back from him. “And that’s why I’m here, because I will catch you, and I will be the one to put you away for the rest of your miserable life. And each day you spent in that box, you should remember who put you there.” You glanced at him one more time, before making your wayk ba to your car. 

“So, tell me, is your boss is he man enough to handle you?” You stopped in your tracks, and you could almost see the smirk on his face as you turned on your heel. 

“Excuse me?” 

“The ring on your finger, the way he tried to hurry you away before I walked out, the way he looks at you,” He shrugged, taking a step towards you, a sleazy smile plastered on his face, satisfied he struck a nerve. You recalled something Aaron had told you about unsubs making the best profilers. “You’re married to him? Yet, you’re here with me. I doubt he would be very delighted that you’re here with me,” 

“And why is that?” 

“Because you’re here, and he’s not,” He came closer once again, but you didn’t move. “You’re here because he doesn’t please you, not the way I could,” Your hand went instinctively for the gun you had concealed in your pocket. He was only a step away, not even arm’s length away. It would be so easy to simply shoot him right here and now. He wouldn’t hurt another woman, he wouldn’t be in some cushy jail cell, he would be nothing but an empty vessel, a vessel that once housed a monster. 

You snorted, his expression flickering from smug to anger. “My husband would have you pinned to the ground in three seconds flat,” You crossed your arms, a smirk growing on your face. “Me on the other hand, you would be dead before you hit the ground,” 

“Why don’t you then?” He dared you, and you felt your hand twitch, the temptation beckoning you, to do it. Women would be better off. The world would be better off. You would be better off. Would you? You thought of the team, of Aaron. You knew what he would say. You would simply be playing into the unsub’s hands. He wants you to engage him. He wants to get under your skin. He wants you to take that shot. And part of you wanted to. 

But you didn’t. You simply turned from him. “Because you aren’t worth it,” You turned to go, when his hand grabbed your wrist. 

“Don’t you walk away from me, you bit-” You cocked your gun, centimeters from his face. 

“Let go of me,” You said slowly, as his fingers only seemed to dig into your wrist. Your heart was practically out of your chest, but your voice remained level. “Now,” 

“Why don’t you make me?” Silence washed over the two of you, as you both sized each other up. You tensed your arm, trying to rip it from his grip, but he only laughed, pulling you harder, dragging you to his gate. You struggled, and fought, but he was trying to reach for your gun. That’s when you finally broke free, and you shot him. The aftershock shook you to your very core, throwing you off balance, as you spotted him fall to the ground, like you had threatened, lifeless. His face grew pale, his expression twisted. You stared at his body, as the crimson blood slowly seeped into his former driveway. Funny. He wasn’t as hideous now that he was simply an empty shell.

I knew it. He knew you wouldn’t listen. Hell, he couldn’t think of a time you did listen to him. That was part of the reason he was attracted to you. You challenged him: you forced him to be more, to think harder, to do better. He was a better profiler, leader, and person because of you. He needed you, damn it. He needed to see you. To see you were okay. You were frustratingly vague on the phone. You had called Reid, not him, Reid of all people. You probably knew he would be angry, no furious with you, but more than furious, he wanted to hear your voice. He stopped the car with a screeching halt, making Reid jerk backwards, as he stepped out of the car, sprinting toward the police officers that surrounded you. A detective stopped him. He held out his badge, thrusting in his face. “That’s one of my agents, I need to speak to her,”

“You can’t speak to her until we finish processing her,” Aaron didn’t bother to pretend he was listening, his eyes scanning you for any sign of injury or wound. He spotted the beginning of bruises on your wrists. He tried to push past the detective, but he stopped him. “You can’t speak to her until-”

“That’s my wife! She’s not just an agent, she’s my wife,” His voice raised, his heart pounding in his ears. “And I need to speak to her right now, so get out of my way, before I make you,” The detective flinched, but seemed rather unfazed by his actions, only shaking his head, trying to take on a more understanding affect. 

“Let her get processed first, and you can talk to her in the ambulance,” He led Aaron to the ambulance, his eyes meeting yours for a brief second. Your eyes were empty, cold, and scared. He stood next to the vehicle, waiting for you to be escorted on. You finally were taken to him. In that moment, he didn’t care that you hadn’t listened; that you had left him with flagrant disregard for him, the team, and even Jack; that you had almost died. In that moment, he just felt lucky to hold you again. Your body tucked perfectly into his, as you shivered against his chest, and he wrapped his jacket around you, pressing you closer. He helped you into the ambulance, and neither of you said a word the entire ride. You both were simply were grateful. 

As soon as you were in the hospital room alone, you suddenly found your boss with his arms crossed, stone faced. “Aaron, I’m sorry,” 

“You’re sorry?” He raised his eyebrows. “Y/N, you almost,” He cleared his throat, moving past his currently failing voice, “you almost died tonight, and you’re sorry? I could have lost you tonight. Jack could have lost you, the entire team. We need you. I need you,” His voice broke, and guilt crashed over you, washing away any semblance of composure. “I already lost Haley, I couldn’t bear to lose you too,” You both pulled each into a hug, as you held him tightly, making sure he knew, you were still there. You were still alive. 

You pulled apart a bit, facing him as you explained. “I had to go, I couldn’t forget his victims’ faces, the families…” Your voice wavered for the first time tonight, your hands shaking. “I didn’t want to have to shoot him…” You broke off with a sob. “God, I’m sorry. I didn’t want this to happen,” 

Aaron’s expression softened, as he pulled you into an embrace, running his hands through your hair. “I know, you’re okay. You had to do it,”   

“If I didn’t go, he wouldn’t be dead,” 

“He was going to jail for a long time, he would have hurt more women,” He told you, no room for disagreement. He steadied your hands as they shook. You didn’t need his criticism right now, you needed his support. There would be time to discuss this later, thankfully. “You defended yourself. That’s all. No more, no less.” 

You swallowed, as silent tears streamed down your face, no longer able to shut your eyes as his face appeared each time you did. You looked up at Aaron’s concerned face, running a hand down the side of his face. “I love you,” 

“I love you too,” He pressed a kiss to the top your forehead before chuckling, “even if you’re not a very good agent,” You gave a bitter chuckle, burying your face in his chest. “You need to get some rest,” You laid down on the bed at his prompting, you made him lay next to you. “Just try to forget about it for a few hours,” He soothed you, pressing a kiss to your forehead. You placed your head right over his heart, letting his heartbeat lull you to sleep. But as you escaped reality, his dead body flashed before your eyes. 

And that’s when you realized you would never forget it. 

Ever. 

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x oc #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner imagines #hotch #hotch x reader #hotch x oc #hotch x you #hotch imagine #hotch imagines #hotch fanfiction #aaron hotchner fanfiction #criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds imagines #criminal minds fanfiction #fanfiction #cm #aaron hotch hotchner

[runtosleepdreamer]

Rewatching SPN 5x04

I don’t know if anyone noticed, though someone probably did, but honestly I’m surprised even I caught it, but when Dean wakes up to the end!verse and looks out the motel room window, there was a sign reading “now playing route 666” and HAH wow just. Idc if that’s the same name as another movie or whatever I’m calling that as a throwback to season 1. But then Dean later saying sympathy for the devil and I KNEW it was an episode title and whoop Callback!!! 🤣

Continuing on the cheery note before I go all angsty, though I never do it the other way around being beyond me (maybe cuz the happy part is easier and shorter.. yeah that’s it) stones!Cas, while sad, was still hilarious. His voice is much higher, as opposed to being all Castiel he’s more jimmy/Misha, whichever... and he laughs at past!Dean... right in front of endverse!Dean’s face... stupidly daringly brave... but funny.

But okay dark moment, I don’t know if this registered around the first time I saw this episode but woah... fuck Cas died didn’t he - in that honest to god suicide mission... woah goddamn endverse!Dean is so... dark and...battleworn

And that brings me to Dean though I wanna point out a couple quick things that are.. eh neutral and then relatively dark

1. Dean in in actual 2014 s9? Totally had a beard but that was probably because of the whole MoC and the thing with Sam... but I don’t know that guaranteed a beard.. though still totally cool that the writers nonetheless wanted him to remain completely similar to past!Dean, more of which I’ll talk about later

2. I found it (inappropriately) ironically hilarious how apparently Bobby is dead in 2014, and sure enough his status is still dead in s9 anyway.. I don’t know man stupid thought that had me surprised at myself but still.

Right. Now. Dean. Jensen. Can I just totally take a moment to appreciate how damn well Jensen acted??? Like, okay, I know, that for some reason Jensen felt like his entire episode’s worth of acting was blown away in comparison to the bit Jared did, and yeah, I’ll get to that, but dude. It’s like. Okay, momentary appreciation/recognition to every good actor/actress, but right now, totally dedicated to Jensen and Jared, for making me completely unable to see or even relate these people to Sam and Dean. Like. When they don these characters, they may share a face, they may share characteristics or personalities or certain behaviors... but it’s as if Sam and Dean are completely their own people vs Jensen and Jared. Like. How

Are

Those

The

Same

Frigging

People

Because dude Jensen especially like... he almost had me crying because I couldn’t even frigging associate past!Dean and endverse!Dean to be the same person, because they were both. So. Completely. DIFFERENT!!!! They were supposed to be the same people but NO Endverse!Dean is so much more battle hardened with all the extra years worth of experience and knowledge and pain and trauma and responsibilities (which again, totally far more similar to s9 Dean.. though s9 Dean was still lighter than s10 Dean so maybe s10!Dean and endverse!Dean was the closest but whatever anyway) that compared to him, past!Dean seems so much more innocent and lighter, even though standing alone he still has his own share of burdens and pain, and yet it’s nothing to what endverse!Dean had endured. Just.

And because of that. It makes them both. Completely. Different. People. And Jensen? He did a frigging amazing job - more than! No words in my fairly limited vocabulary can describe his outstanding skills, because it physically boggled my mind just to think that this was both the same person... and yet portrayed by someone completely different who still manages to more than just capture the essence, but deliver it with quality that exceeds anything and everything.

On a few more side notes, again, one light and one dark with a neutral one in between if you ask me:

1. The scent between past!Dean vs endverse!Dean when they first meet was awesome, nerve racking, tense, jittery inducing... and. Hilarious. For the life of me I will never be able to keep a straight face, nor will I be able to stay still when Dean reveals the one thing only Dean would know.. with that frigging smirk and everything, to which endverse!Dean replies with, ‘Touche’... just.

2. Of course Dean wouldn’t believe himself - duh! (But you’d think that because of that, he would know better and that obviously, he’d still find a way out...)

3. But then, when they’re at that cabin with the map and Cas being hilarious and all... but then they leave and it’s just the Deans and such a heart wrenching moment between the two and killing me with the performance... AS IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, they gotta add in some painful piano music as well, and dude, let me tell y’all something, there’s a reason I love the piano even though I can’t play worth shit, and that’s because it’s like. Almost always the perfect instrument no matter what, and heightens the visual experience...

But when it’s angst playing out on the screen?

I might be considered to be lost if I’m paying attention to the music in particular as opposed to what’s happening in front of me, but dudes, that’s only to acknowledge it and let it fill me with the pain.

Torturous.

Anyway.

I think.. I can move on to Jared now? I think... I covered everything...

Dude. He’s still a good actor though. Like. He definitely. Was not Jared at that moment. And calling him Sam also was like. Okay maybe it struck to close to Sam on demon blood.. and I don’t know I’m just used to seeing lucifer as Mark Pellegrino... but...

Hearing the story of how Satan became Satan from a frigging tv show should not have made me that thoughtful or emotional.

And yet. He managed it.

So yeah. I felt my heart break right alongside Dean’s at that moment, though of course never to that extent.

Zachariah sure does have a thing with zapping Dean to places - like alternate universes (😉😏😏😏) though, doesn’t he..

And Castiel saving him right. On. Time. And just. That satisfied smile or whatever just had me cheering for Castiel because god it was just.

Don’t

Ever

Change

But HAH when Dean picks up the phone and he thinks it’s Cas and the way he replies “dammit Cas I need to sleep!” And it’s all gruff and he’s still pretty happy relatively speaking and more.. not elated but loose limbed I guess, hunting with Cas, and it all disappears the moment he realizes it’s Sam speaking, and hence commence the angst fest.

And ah. That’s what I wanted to talk about since the beginning of the episode.

Honestly, I felt like they were just pushed into working back together again, and because of everything that was happening around them, with Dean working so fervently towards changing the damn future.. again, I might have mentioned it before, but if I haven’t, well. It’s like Sam and Dean were forced to reconcile because of external circumstances, which, I may not be well versed in psychology or all that, but it still didn’t strike me as healthy.

Like, yeah, Dean not talking to Sam ended up in him saying yes to Lucifer or whatever, but that ended up with the Croats and all (Croats!!! Dean and lingo and confused Dean but then comprehension dawning on him!!), so because of that, it’s like Dean has to work - no, muddle and struggle through to hurry up and salvage their relationship, just for the sake of/because the damn world and it’s future rested on their shoulders. So yeah, the way they had to push through all that... while I mean, it worked in the end?

Maybe it also didn’t. Maybe.. maybe it could have been better if they actually did spend some time apart (and wait, before y’all attack me for saying this) because Dean had to work through his pain of betrayal, and Sam through his own pains as well, but they were forced to do that together, and maybe it worked, maybe it just went to pushing them closer together all the way in the end...

Or maybe they should have been able to work through some of their problems on their own. Granted, it obviously could have also meant that they never would have reconciled ever again, but that was also another aspect of the apocalypse, wasn’t it? Dean decides they should never be together again, resulting in Sam saying yes to Lucifer, but that’s only because Dean thought they’d actually have a chance if they weren’t fighting together

But take out the MAJOR apocalypse factor (in which case honestly I don’t even think this problem would have been there in the first place but anyway)

But say that for the time being it wasn’t there, and they had sometime to figure out their problems on their own. Okay, yeah, chances are apart from a bunch of angsty moments where Dean recalls Sam’s memory, because mo matter what he’s only ever truly happy with Sammy by his side... but overall, in the hunting life? He’s a lot a more relaxed/less stressed, more likely to smile when he didn’t have to constantly worry about Sam and the demon blood and the secrets and the lies and the broken trusts which okay no apocalypse no demon blood none of this but still

But still. It could have soothed the pain enough, because yes, Dean is one to hold a grudge as much as he forgives easily, depending on the situation and this calling for both cuz it’s his brother but the deed committed was as bad as they are close as if to get their relationship... time still would have weathered away at Dean, enough to chip away at least enough anger for them to work through it somewhat more easily than they did.

And the same goes for Sam. Yes, he’d have maybe felt even more guilty, or maybe he’d have found another way of redemption, to find peace within himself, but eventually... eventually he would not only be more on par with wanting to make amends with Dean, which in a way, he already does, though in 5x04 no that wasn’t his main concern... but not only that but he’d be more at ease.. more easily susceptible to having a proper conversation, without as much as the angst that tore our hearts as it did in the show.

..yup. That’s about it. I’m surprised if anyone even read this far, honestly, this was just a way to get my own thoughts outta my head, but hey, if anyone read it 🤷‍♀️😁👌🏽😄😅

#spn #Supernatural #spn s5 #spn season 5 #Supernatural s5 #Supernatural season 5 #s5 #season 5 #5x04 #spn 5x04 #Supernatural 5x04 #The End #Dean Winchester #Sam Winchester #Endverse!Dean #endverse!Cas #cas #castiel #Jensen Ackles #Jared Padelecki #rewatching spn

[zaldrizer-sovesi]

first response to The Queen’s Justice

The Queen’s Justice really nailed one of the major reasons I am so invested in Jon.

(This is mostly about Jon but a little bit more about me than I’m totally comfortable with? Oh well.)

I talk a lot about the stigma of Jon’s bastard status and about the ways this secret that he has but doesn’t know has shaped his life and character. And I think those things are abstractly interesting, but they also kind of hit me where I live. I am neuroatypical, which is a very different kind of invisible difference from Jon’s. It’s just a thing, you know? It’s not good or bad in and of itself. What was a bad thing was that I went for most of my life without any kind of diagnosis, and only got a useful diagnosis in the last couple of years. So for most of my life I had these daily experiences that I now recognize as systemic ableism – but which at the time I could only understand as my fault.

Being set apart in a way that you don’t get to understand or acknowledge, even to yourself...it messes with your head. It’s infuriating. It makes you feel crazy. It’s like living with a small carbon monoxide leak: not enough gas to kill you, not a big enough hole you would see, just enough to make you dizzy, to make you depressed, to make you forget. You don’t learn the same confidence other people have in their understanding of the world.

It’s hard to articulate because it’s such a schematic, first principle kind of thing. What I mean is the pattern in the character’s opinions and decisions. Jon can get past everything he’s been taught about the wildlings to form an alliance with them because he’s not as attached to everything he’s been taught. He can realize that Sam is brave even though it’s the last thing that Sam would think about himself. He can give Arya Needle because he hasn’t fundamentally internalized the widely-accepted social norm that a girl shouldn’t have a sword, and because he doesn’t get what an unnerving thing it is for a kid Arya’s age to have a real sword. But that default insecurity makes it harder for him to tell when he’s really not safe.

Humans are adaptive creatures. Not always efficiently adaptive, but adaptive. That ability not to take norms and expectations for granted, the willingness to question what he’s been told about people or even what people say about themselves is kind of a spidey sense you develop when everything….just seems off, even when it’s clearly happening. That’s a big part of why he’s able to come to grips with the approaching white walker threat, even as the people around him get stuck in various degrees of denial.

Hence the main thrust of ADWD + S5/6/7:

JON: People. Winter is coming.

PEOPLE: Yeah, great metaphor, we get it.

JON: No, for real, winter is LITERALLY FUCKING COMING.

PEOPLE: Mm-hmm. Hey, are you doing something new with your hair?

JON: Seriously! Focus!

PEOPLE: I like it, it’s cute.

It’s infuriating to argue with someone who won’t get it (whatever “it” is). But it’s also profoundly disorienting to have what seems like an opportunity to convince someone.

That might seem all over the place. The Queen’s Justice struck a nerve because it isn’t.

In this episode, Jon is further away from the the immediate issue he’s so sure about. Dragonstone is farther south than he’s ever been; it’s sunny and comparatively warm and a totally new environment; he’s surrounded by people who actually don’t know the story, rather than people who have heard but aren’t grappling with it. He’s also closer to the central mystery of his identity about which he really does know nothing, that glitch in the Matrix which shaped him into a person who would take on this mission. I mean!

It literally went right over his head!

MISSANDEI: You stand in the presence of Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, Rightful Heir to the Iron Throne, Rightful Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Seven Kingdoms, the Mother of Dragons, the Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, the Unburnt, the Breaker of Chains.

DAVOS: This is Jon Snow. [awkward pause] He’s King in the North.

Davos graciously tries to make the awkwardness about his own background, but Davos has been at court for years, he knows how Robert and Stannis were addressed. This is a reflection of Jon’s discomfort. It’s not like he’s hard to introduce formally: “Jon, the Second of his Name, Lord of Winterfell and King in the North.” Or if you wanted to get poetic, “Jon Snow, the White Wolf, King of Winter and Defender of the North.” I mean, better than that, just that it’s possible. But it’s hard to present yourself, to let yourself be known, when you are actually, justifiably, uncertain about who you are. Missandei, by sharp contrast, knows exactly who Daenerys is, because Daenerys knows exactly who Daenerys is.

DAENERYS: So many men have tried to kill me. I don’t remember all their names. I have been sold like a brood mare. I have been shamed and betrayed, raped and defiled. Do you know what kept me standing through all those years in exile? Faith. Not in any gods. Not in myths and legends. In myself. In Daenerys Targaryen.

DAVOS: He’s the first to make allies of wildlings and Northmen. He was named Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch. He was named King in the North. Not because of his birthright. He has no birthright, he’s a damn bastard. All those hard sons of bitches chose him as their leader because they believe in him. All those things you don’t believe in? He faced those things for the good of his people, he fought those things for the good of his people, he risked his life for his people, he took a knife in the heart for his people! He gave up his own – [Jon shakes his head]

Daenerys speaks to her own experiences. Jon allows Davos to speak for him – and then, only to go so far.

It’s not as if his story is objectively less believable than hers. White walkers aren’t more magical than dragons. It’s just as weird to be the Unburnt as it is to be the De-Stabbed. They should both be dead af. Daenerys has enough faith in Daenerys that she expects other people to believe her too. Jon does not have that much trust in Jon, and he doesn’t even realize that he’s standing inside the reason why.

Part of the difference is Tyrion’s thing about what feel good to believe. Dany should have been killed, but instead she got dragons. Jon should still be dead, and all he got out of the experience is existential despair. Daenerys has a proactive ambition: she’s thinking about winning the Seven Kingdoms. Jon isn’t looking to win something, he just wants people to get to keep being people and not turn into zombies.

DANY: We all enjoy what we’re good at.

JON: I don’t.

When it comes to the politics, which are a means to an end rather than something he cares about, Jon gets how important it is for him to project strength. He doesn’t flinch at giving up his sword, he won’t kneel, he isn’t thrown by her selective presentation of history, she has to get off the throne and come down to speak on his level.

When it comes to the core issue, though, the thing he’s never expressed doubt about before? Which he’s firmly and unequivocally asserted in front of much larger and more hostile audiences?

JON: The army of the dead is on the march.

TYRION: The army of the dead.

JON: You don’t know me well, my lord, but do you think I’m a liar or a madman?

TYRION: No. I don’t think you are either of those things.

JON: It’s hard for me to fathom, it really is. If someone told me about the white walkers and the Night King... [trails off] You probably don’t believe me.

TYRION: I do, actually. I didn’t before.

JON: Grumpkins and snarks, you called it. Do you remember? You said it was all nonsense.

TYRION: It was nonsense. Everybody knew it. But then Mormont saw them, you saw them, and I trust the eyes of an honest man more than I trust what everybody knows.

JON: How do I convince people who don’t know me that an enemy they don’t believe in is coming to kill them all?

TYRION: Good question.

JON: I know it’s a good question. I’m looking for an answer.

DANY: I will allow you to mine the dragonglass and forge weapons from it. Any resources or men you need I will provide for you.

JON: Thank you. So you believe me then, about the Night King and the army of the dead?

DANY: You’d better get to work, Jon Snow.

Asking Tyrion to vouch for him is a reasonable part of the pitch to Dany and her advisers. But he stays on it, asking for private reassurance from Tyrion, trying to pin Dany down even after he gets what he wants from her.

You believe me, right? You don’t think I’m crazy, do you? I’m not crazy, right?

...ooof.

#game of thrones meta #asoiaf meta #book to show #jon snow #daenerys targaryen #the queen's justice #a dance with dragons #character analysis

[stunudo]

...when you're attracted to someone, it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously. So what we think of as fate is just two neuroses knowing that they are a perfect match.

Dennis Reed from “Sleepless in Seattle”

Going Down With The Ship

One of the Six: A Criminal Minds Fan-fiction

Featuring: Bethany Devereaux x Gideon

A/N: Okay, here is the Trope List challenge for @reiding-and-writing. I chose #9 Sleepless in Seattle Moment. This fits into my OC Series “One of the Six.” The trope scene takes place during the original investigation of Season 3 Episode 19 “Tabula Rasa”.  So it seems like 99.7% of the fandom does NOT like Gideon. Therefore the title fits the expected disinterest/ loathing of this, plus- well Bets was in the Navy people. Also you may have a reason to hate him more... xoxo Stu

I cannot tell you the moment it happened. I wasn’t paying attention. I am unable to pinpoint even the day it happened. It was a slow realization, but a quick shame. Hotch knew. He never said so, but Hotch knew. Damn it I wonder who else knew? Oh well, can’t do anything about it now. I was never a romantic person. If someone gave me the warm fuzzies, I would probably make out with them though.

This wasn’t the puppy love I had with T.J. Stevens my sophomore year at the academy. It wasn’t even what the few months I dated Janet Hyde before she left me for a rookie cop she met at the gym were. This was something else entirely and that is why I never saw it coming. After four years working together I woke up to the unfathomable revelation that I was in love with Jason. What the hell was this?

185 Days Remain

We were still working through the case files when Haley popped in with some take out. I don’t know what Aaron did to win this woman over, but it was not enough. She tried to swing by when we weren’t busy, feeding the wayward profilers or just checking in on us. She was extremely good at her job, but I knew she was only a little blue line away from dropping it all. The way Lover Boy and her looked at each other it was a surprise they didn’t have a litter already.

“Hey H-2, how are you?!” I called, tossing the folder back on to my inspection worthy desk. Her big grin greeted me, I rushed over to help with the bags of Chinese. The Crab Rangoon was calling to me, it had only been 9 hours since breakfast after all.

“Bets, thank you. I thought I was going to lose a quart of Kung Pao Chicken to the carpet!” We wound around the matrix of desks and dropped everything on the break room table. Finally Hotch realized his wife had arrived so I left them alone and headed back with my stash of fried goodness. As Jason walked past me the sparkle in his eye caused a rush to my cheeks. I was confused so I just shoved a piece of food in my mouth and grinned like a goofball.

“We should really bring her along on cases, she always finds the best egg rolls.” Jason explained, rubbing his hands as he headed to the waiting meal. It had been a few weeks of odd nerves and slight blushes up until that point. I now only associate Crab (or what passes for it) with my embarrassment, needless to say I no longer eat it.

I was working late, not that that was odd. What was off about it was that I didn’t need to be. Morgan had left, the SAs had left, even the Bird had left. I headed up to the offices because I wanted to say goodnight. Jason was at his desk with a projector watching film strips. It brought back memories of the awful stuffy afternoons in the science classroom when we were forced to watch an un-medicated birth or terrible animations of sperm swimming.

But there he was laughing. It was a silent film but it was clearly the grandfather to modern physical comedies. I pictured a young Jim Carey attempting the same bits. It was so raw and silly. I got lost in the story. I didn’t see when he came over to lean on the door jam with me. We stood there for the rest of the reel, enjoying the gags. It was a comfortable quiet.

When the tell tale clicking of the end of the film had reached an awkward rhythm I finally looked at him. He was smiling warmly at me, nothing new. “Have a good night, Bethany.” I smiled shyly. “You too, sir.”

I was frozen for a moment in his dark eyes, but then the moment passed and I went home.

“You don’t have the capacity to love these women!” Jason spat at the unsub as he held the victim by the hair, a machete in the other hand. “Put down the knife, Reynolds. Tell me your story, but let her go.”

The unsub was a certifiable idiot. He threw the victim at me, I caught her in my free arm, keeping my gun locked on his head. I tried to reassure her, but I just held on until Hotch had sent Morgan in with the cuffs. After I holstered my weapon, I really hugged her. I shushed her as she fell apart. She had been held for four days, she smelled and could barely stand.

Watching her be loaded on to the back of the ambulance was like watching Vaughn’s isolated cot in the infirmary. I had been a witness to the end of the pain, but couldn’t fathom what these women had endured. We had to do better. Jason had stood next to me while the boxy vehicle pulled away.

“These are the days that I take out that projector. To remember to laugh. Someday soon, she’ll remember how to laugh. You did good today, Bethany.”

I nodded, watching the night descend on the crime scene. It was then I knew that I didn’t want to keep doing this alone.

“Where are you heading this time?” Hotch asked Jason as he locked his office for a week off.

“Cape Hatteras National Seashore.”

“You like the Outerbanks?” I asked.

“Piping Plovers, I’m going birding.” Jason kept it short, he was in a hurry to enjoy his vacation.

“Enjoy the lighthouse if you get the chance!” I called to him as he waved to us behind his back. It actually hurt to see him walk away so brusquely.

“The Bodie Island Lighthouse was erected in 1872.” The baby bird squawked.

“I know, I’ve been there.” I shrugged off the annoyance at the new kid. “I kind of have a thing for lighthouses.” I don’t know why I was admitting that, but it just came out. I shoved a hard candy into my mouth to stop myself from being too chatty.

“Does he take vacations a lot?” His meager voice was trying to be casual.

“Not really.” I thought about it. “But more often than Hotch.”

The next morning we got a case and they were letting the string bean into the field for it. It wasn’t far, just over to Roanoke. They had dubbed him the “Blue Ridge Strangler.” I said a silent prayer of gratitude that Jason was out of town for this one, he hated when they gave the unsubs catchy names.

I woke up a little out of sorts. I don’t know why I was being emotional, but it was frustrating. Going over the crime scene photos with Morgan was nauseating. They looked like me. Dark hair and eyes. Sure they were prettier, but I couldn’t help but feel even more “off”.

I let Hotch and the boys head to the active body retrieval. I stayed behind to start piecing together a profile. When I dug in my purse I found a new key chain in the shape of a lighthouse. There was no note. I jumped at the chance to escape. To run. I picked up my cell.

“Hotch, I am using that IOU from Haley’s last birthday. I will meet up with you back in Quantico.”

“Is everything alright?” He was concerned.

“Everything is fine, besides you have the genius on hand now. It will only be a couple days.”

“Okay, but Bets, call me, when you get there?”

“Deal. Square?”

“Square.”

I hung up and called for a rental car. I wasn’t stopping back home. The drive to North Carolina was a blur.

I knew that Jason hadn’t left me that key chain, but I wanted it to be from him so badly that I tricked myself into hoping. There is nothing more cruel than hope. I don’t even know what I was expecting to find when I arrived at the National Seashore. I walked the beach and trails for hours. After not finding him among the protected coves, I made my way to the lighthouse.

The salt in the air and the sting on my skin brought my Navy brain back to me. I wasn’t this pathetic love-struck girl who chases her crush by crossing state lines. But I was. Visitor hours were drawing to a close at the summit and yet I stared off as the sun set behind me.

“If I had been a younger man, I might have assumed you were here for me. But not after this, this view is the real heart-breaker, eh?” Jason’s voice brought the delusion crashing down around me.

“Some people don’t see age as a barrier, but as experience to cherish.” I called over the wind, defending my recklessness. He walked over to me, his face that of a concerned teacher. I had made an ass of myself. “But you don’t have to say it, I get it.”

“I’m sorry, Bethany. I am not someone you should be wasting your youth on.” He stood there, his hands moving constantly. “Honestly I am flattered and a little frustrated.” He smiled.

I laughed through my tears. He was being charming and it added to the bitter-sweetness. “What is frustrating you?”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I had profiled you as a lesbian.” Admitting he had been half-wrong about me was probably the humblest thing he could have said in the moment. This esteemed mind acknowledging he didn’t know something, was as genuine an offering as I could have hoped for.

I shook my head, laughing again. “If only it was that easy.”

I dragged myself off the lighthouse and into the rental car. I found a run down motel and crashed for two days. I slept off the embarrassment and the disappointment. When I got back to headquarters I was recognizable again.

“Row? Where did you skip off to?” Morgan teased, ruffling my hair.

“Nun-ya. Nice work messing up your ankle though.”

“Right, right. But you left me with the kid. I mean he talked to the victim’s parents and everything!”

“Wow! Looks like he can ditch those water wings after all.” I teased.

“I can hear you.” Baby bird chirped.

“We know.” Morgan and I said in unison. I high fived him and he low fived me. Turns out, I was okay after all. I had my team. Who needed love anyway?

Next Chapter: The Last Case

@criminalwriting @dontshootmespence @cherry-loves-fanfic @imagicana @hotchnerfuckmeup @teatimewithtiya @dontcallmedad

#Criminal Minds #hannah celebrates 1.7k #1ofthe6 #sleepless in seattle #trope challenge #gideon x oc #Bets #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid #derek morgan #penelope garcia #aaron hotchner #bau #fbi bau #haley brooks hotchner #dont be mad that she teases spence #unrequited love #i love nicknames too much #jason gideon #aaron x haley #rude #okay so who gave her the key chain #Bethany Devereaux

[coramatus]

Ohhhh I see those tags. Firefly AU? Bro I'm all ears.

Oh boy~! I hope you like Mob angst, because man did I create a lot of Mob angst! >8D

Mob Psycho 100/Firefly Crossover AU

(This is just a brainstorming thing, not meant to be taken as a finished piece. Even if it is 3.6K words...)

Everyone is five years older than in canon. So Mob’s 19, Ritsu is 18, and Reigen is 33.

Arataka Reigen is the captain of the transport spaceship S&S, or the Spirits and Such. He prefers keeping a low profile after a shady past that he’s since tried to clean up. Has an entire crew under his command, none of whom take him that seriously. He still dads them relentlessly. Teruki is first mate, came on board after Reigen helped him out of a tight spot, is surprisingly good at ordering people to do stuff, isn’t a dick about his powers after the new pilot kicked his ass. Shou is pilot, Serizawa is the medic/cook; both are powerful espers that came on board after Shou convinced Seri to run away with him and hijacked the ship to escape, Reigen subsequently hiring them after finding out Shou was a damn good pilot and that Seri needed like so much therapy. Tome is on communications, who took the job on the condition that she be allowed to attempt making contact with aliens (Reigen doesn’t ask). Mezato is a traveling journalist that pays Reigen to let her stay on board and hunt for news stories, but he suspects she’s just a nosy busybody. Onigawara is a mercenary Reigen hired after one too many scuffles, but now has even more to deal with thanks to the guy’s temper. Musashi is a mechanic with experience in fixing up farm equipment, but can pretty easily extrapolate it to an entire spaceship (Reigen isn’t sure that’s how that works, but hey the ship hasn’t exploded yet). Dimple’s a questionable preacher they picked up after he got run out of town, claims to be a priest but acts like he’s got a god-complex or something (might be an alien brain slug). They’re kind of a disaster, but with Reigen’s people skills, he’s able to avert the worst of it.

They’re given a relatively easy job when they take a young man on board, named Ritsu Kageyama. Also with him is an unusually large suitcase, which he says contains “his entire life”. He just asks to be taken as far from the planet as possible but doesn’t elaborate. Reigen can tell something’s up, but doesn’t have the heart to bother the guy, who is clearly going through some bad shit.

Not a day or two into their voyage, the crew finds out that the government has put out a bounty on Ritsu for stealing their property. Ritsu denies doing anything wrong and they decide to search his luggage for whatever he stole. He flips out at this and tries to stop them, but it’s too late. The large suitcase opens to reveal it holds a stasis chamber containing a sleeping young man. They’re horrified and free the guy, thinking that Ritsu is some kind of human trafficker until he yells at them that he’s trying to save his brother. The sleeping man wakes up then, but something’s clearly wrong with him in how he holds himself like a terrified animal. He seems to realize he’s somewhere unfamiliar and curls up, screaming and crying. Ritsu comes in, covering his brother with his coat and trying to soothe the crying man, now clinging to him desperately. The crew is polite enough to back off and give the two some space.

Soon after, Ritsu and his brother are given a chance to explain what’s going on. Ritsu’s brother is silent this entire time, curled up clutching at Ritsu’s side, staring off into space with glassy eyes, like he’s not there at all. Ritsu starts by telling them that everything he’s done was to save his older brother, Shigeo. All of this has to do with the fact that he is an esper and a particularly powerful one at that. Despite the powers, the two grew up pretty normally until his brother was invited to study at a special Academy for espers. Shigeo took them up on it and left home. At first things seemed normal, the brothers messaging each other regularly. But after a while, Shigeo’s messages started to taper off. The few he did manage to get out were short and often about his exhaustion and the trials he was being put through. Then for a long stretch, Ritsu didn’t hear anything from him. Until he receives a bizarre message from Shigeo’s email, claiming that his brother is dead. For some reason, it’s signed by a “Mob”. It takes Ritsu a while to do some digging, turning up results that made him more and more fearful for Shigeo’s life. So Ritsu left to rescue him, dropping everything to break into the facility and get Shigeo out. By the time he got there, he found his brother already in the stasis chamber. He only had enough time to grab the entire thing before hiding it in the suitcase and fleeing to the spaceport.

Which leads to now. Ritsu knows he doesn’t stand a chance against the S&S crew if they decide to turn them in and has resigned himself to that fate. To everyone’s surprise, Reigen declares that they’ll do no such thing. In fact, everyone’s under orders that they’re to do everything they can to protect the brothers. They’re both victims and Reigen can’t possibly give the abused back to their abusers. They can stay.

The crew is less than pleased at this and start yelling at Reigen until he makes them settle down. Ritsu is distrustful of course, but a quiet whimper from Shigeo gets him to back down. Reigen orders Seri to take the two to larger quarters, while he discusses things with the others. Teru is pretty against the whole thing, knowing they can’t hide the brothers forever. It’s only a matter of time before one of them slips and all of them land in hot water for harboring fugitives. Reigen points out that Ritsu is a fugitive for rescuing his brother from said law, which referred to Shigeo as their “property”. Reigen may be greedy at times, but he’s not heartless. He also doesn’t want to admit that the sight of poor Shigeo struck a nerve in him.

As the Kageyama brothers get settled, there comes the question of what they plan on doing. Ritsu’s plan was to flee to the outer reaches and maybe start a new life there. But with the bounty on him, he’s not sure that’s a workable plan anymore. So Reigen offers them a place on the ship. Any skill set they have would definitely be put to use. Ritsu hesitantly says he’d been studying medicine before upending his life. “Medic,” Reigen declares, “Which would be great, because oh my god Seri just can’t deal with blood.” With a lot of reservation, Ritsu accepts and the job is sealed. As for Shigeo… Reigen decides that he’s infirm and can’t be expected to work yet, much to Ritsu’s relief and zero response from Shigeo.

Things settle down in their own weird way. There’s shenanigans on various planets, Reigen scraping through bad situations through his sweaty charisma, things get shot at, lots of running, like how most of Firefly went.

As time goes on, the crew observes a lot about the two. Ritsu is normal enough, maybe a bit naive in some regards and a bit too aggressive in others. By contrast, Shigeo doesn’t speak at all, doesn’t make eye contact, and is quiet and submissive. He’s a bit perplexing. He always looks haggard, bags under his eyes, hair set in an overgrown bowl-cut pattern. He generally goes around barefoot, preferring oversized knitted turtlenecks and sweaters to hide himself in. He wanders the halls aimlessly, often reaching out to touch the walls. Sometimes he’ll stare at a spot for hours without moving. Other times, he seems to be listening for something only he can hear, sometimes even humming along to some strange tune. They tend to find him curled up in odd places, sometimes observing the others as they go about their duties, sometimes blankly staring into space. The more… interesting times are when Shigeo gets flashbacks of some kind, triggering his powers spiraling out of control. These episodes leave him screaming in the eye of a hurricane of objects until Ritsu can get to him and calm him down. Because of this, Ritsu spends most of his time at his brother’s side, trying to coax him into talking, eating, or calmness. He often glares at anyone who dares approach them. The few times the two are separate, Reigen finds himself gravitating to Shigeo. He talks to the guy, just sharing stories or offering words of encouragement. Shigeo never responds, but Reigen can sense something in him paying attention and keeps it up. Then Shigeo has an episode without Ritsu, leaving Reigen to dive in and calm him down. Something about it works and he’s able to comfort Shigeo until his brother arrives.

Not long after, Reigen finds a lone Shigeo huddled in his bunk of all places. A baffled Reigen asks what he’s doing there, not thinking he’ll actually get a response. “It smells safe,” Shigeo quietly answers. Reigen realizes it’s because of the incense and candles he kept from his old job and goes on to explain when the fact that Shigeo just spoke to him finally hits him. He has no idea what to make of this, but if his bunk smells safe then, sure, Shigeo can stay if he likes. Before dozing off, Shigeo corrects him. “My name is Mob. Shigeo is dead.”

With that bizarre proclamation, Reigen confronts Ritsu about it. However, Ritsu gets mad that Shigeo actually spoke to Reigen of all people. Reigen doesn’t see what the big deal is, but Ritsu tells him that his brother hadn’t said a thing since he was let out. Reigen is left even more confused, as he thought they had been talking. With some more prodding, Ritsu admits that he has no idea how to really take care of his brother, able to tend to physical needs but not mental or emotional ones. Nor does he know just what the Academy did to make Shigeo this way. He knew his brother was autistic, always having trouble socializing and interacting, but it was never like this. Neither did he claim he was dead nor refer to himself as Mob (which is what Reigen refers to him as from then on). (how do i conclude this section i have no idea 0_0;;;)

To Reigen’s surprise, Mob keeps turning up in Reigen’s quarters no matter how well it’s locked. Mob is often found sleeping or blankly staring at the walls. Reigen doesn’t have the heart to kick him out. Though Mob doesn’t say anything, Reigen gets the sense that the young man keeps coming to Reigen’s room to get away from his brother, whose overbearing side has been coming up more often.

Afterwards, the others begin finding Mob in their personal spaces. He seems to particularly resonate with the other espers: Teru finds something grating about his presence, Shou is more fascinated with him and tends to poke and prod at Mob more, while Seri appreciates his quiet, non-judgmental presence.

However the thing that breaks Mob out of his silence is when Claw rears its ugly head. During one of his more lucid moments, Ritsu manages to coax Mob out to explore the spaceport the ship has docked at. Things seem to be going fine until Mob freaks out at the sight of a weird triangle symbol painted on a door. He runs like his life depends on it, quickly losing Ritsu and getting lost in the crowd. Ritsu freaks out of course and enlists the help of the crew to find his brother. It’s Teru who comes across Mob huddled in an alleyway. Mob is shaking, muttering something about Claw searching and finding him. Teru doesn’t have time for this and hauls Mob up to leave, but are stopped by a hooded figure. The figure tells them to come quietly or else things will get ugly fast. Teru has no intention of listening to some thug, but realizes something might be wrong when Mob desperately begs him not go with the figure. It’s because Teru’s guard is up that he’s able to fend off the figure’s sudden very psychically charged attack. The figure turns out to be Koyama, who intends to bring the two psychics in. A fight breaks out with Teru on the offense and Mob on the defense. The fight eventually gets out of hand enough that Shou and Serizawa come in to help. Their arrival is enough to freak Koyama out into fleeing, recognizing the two as powerful espers. (chase down and capture Koyama? give them time to dump him in a jail and leave Claw wondering what’s going on. otherwise he gives their location to base, meaning they get chased) No one’s entirely sure what’s going on until Reigen drags everyone out into a group meeting, deciding it’s finally time for Shou and Serizawa to spill their backstory (he didn’t ask before to be polite).

Like in canon, Shou is fighting back against his father, still Claw’s leader. Only this time, his father knows about it because Shou ran off with his second-in-command, Serizawa, who reluctantly went with Shou because he thought the kid needed protection. Since joining the S&S crew, they’ve been laying low, waiting for a good chance to start making battle preparations. In that time, Serizawa’s realized the error of his ways and is trying to do right by Reigen and Shou. Both of them go on to explain Claw.

In this universe, Claw is sneakier, running in smaller proxy operations but has roots in places like the government already. Their other major asset is the Psychic Academy that Shigeo attended. In the front, the Academy trains and hones a psychic’s abilities. Most people have super weak powers but do genuinely get a lot out of it. Mitsuura enthusiastically runs that part of the operation but honestly has no idea what the darker side of the Academy is up to. The stronger psychics get a completely different story. These are the ones who are made into pawns for Claw to use in their plot to come into power. Otherwise they’re experimented on in a bid to strengthen their abilities to a dangerous degree.

Teru perks up at this, stating he was invited to the Academy once as well, but opted not to. (why? wanted to stay somewhere familiar? wanted to keep hold on his little gang?) Mob just comments that he was smart not to go.

“They do bad things to you.”

With a little prodding, Mob finds the words to explain himself.

Mob insists that he isn’t Shigeo and that the real Shigeo died. That Mob is just a thing inhabiting Shigeo’s body, nothing more. Why he calls himself Mob is because he’s “just a face in a mob, [he’s] no one, a nothing.” He knows a lot about Shigeo, who he was and what he was like. He knew that he was an esper prodigy and the Academy took advantage of that. But they went too far. They put something in him, something that was never meant to be. It killed Shigeo and Mob was born from his shattered remains. Now it’s just the two of them in there, Mob and the Thing. Mob’s been doing his best to keep his distance from the Thing, but it’s hard to do when he’s barely functional. Mob can’t quite explain the Thing either, describing it as a black hole with its own mind trapped in his head.

This is all a bit much to swallow at once, so Reigen breaks them up for now and promises to come back to think of a plan.

Ritsu hasn’t been taking this well, hurt and confused by what his brother is saying. While his brother is obviously not dead, Ritsu’s not sure he can handle losing the person he was. He insists on calling his brother by his real name. Mob can only sigh.

Though their relationship is strained, Ritsu resolves to do everything he can for his brother. Mob tends to shrink away from this. He insists that he’s not Shigeo, therefore: not Ritsu’s brother. But Ritsu is able to get through to him by reasoning that if Mob was formed out of pieces of Shigeo, it means that Shigeo can’t entirely be gone. But this isn’t about that, Ritsu admits. This is about who Mob is. If Mob formed in Shigeo’s body, then that makes it Mob’s body too. And Mob’s body is blood brothers with Ritsu. As far as Ritsu is concerned, Mob IS his brother, whether he likes it or not. Mob isn’t sure how to feel about this until Ritsu hugs him, telling Mob that he isn’t “a nobody, a nothing”, Mob has family and that means he IS something, someONE. Though he tries not to, Mob breaks down crying.

(Presumably, they go in to take care of the Claw problem, possibly first with 7th Div. cell before thwarting the World Domination arc. Blow open giant government secret like in Firefly/Serenity canon? Would probably have to break into Academy again to figure out what they did to Mob, learns about the Thing in detail here. No idea where other elements would go, like Mogami arc. How would space ghosts work? Maybe Mogami arc could be a haunted spaceship story, replace Reavers with evil spirits. Broccoli arc???? HOW DO EITHER STORY END? HOW WOULD THIS END??)

Stuff that would probably only be hinted at in-story, but can be fully explained here:

Mob is either Shigeo gone insane or a new personality entirely. Both are plausible.

The Thing is ???%. While it’s still a mystery in canon apparently just Mob’s powers set to survival mode (something to do with a Japanese idiom?), here ???% is a tiny scrap of what can only be described as a cosmic entity. It’s a small, inky black, strange free-flowing blob, lit up with intermittent glowing white spots. When its discoverers noticed it reacted strongly to espers, it was taken to the Academy to see what it would do. They thought it could be used to give a massive boost to psychic powers. It was implanted in Shigeo to test it out, but his powers went haywire and leveled the building.  When they found him at the epicenter, Shigeo was a shivering, crying wreck. It would be the only thing he could do for a while.

The implantation of the Thing shattered Shigeo’s mind as it forcibly made room for itself in him. The Thing did not originally have a mind of its own. But when Shigeo broke, it absorbed enough pieces of him that it gained self-awareness, changing it from a blob into a shadowy copy of Shigeo. With pieces of humanity in it, the Thing understood human thoughts and emotions. While the Thing could simply have taken over Shigeo’s body completely, it didn’t out of regret for the consciousness that originally was there. Instead, it nudged the bits of Shigeo that were left into a new entity entirely. Sadly not enough was there to create a functioning person, instead the new consciousness was marred with fear and pain. It would come to name itself Mob.

To the Academy scientists, the procedure damaged Shigeo’s cognitive abilities, leaving him unable to recognize his own name or even understand human speech. Instead, he acted almost like a terrified animal half the time. The worst came in the form of screaming episodes, where he seemed to see something terrifying no one else could (it was the Thing manifesting in its vessel’s mind, curious about the entity it shared a body with; it didn’t know what to make of the screaming and crying, so it kept its distance). Only twice did lucidity briefly return: once to ask for pants; the other was to beg them to stop hurting him. The Academy tried many different unsuccessful treatments on him, steadily getting less and less humane until it became more of an exercise in torture than anything else. Ultimately, the Academy deemed Shigeo too unstable to continue making use of, opting to put him in stasis until they could figure out what happened. However, both minds overhear this and in a rare moment of joint lucidity, they secretly send out a message to their brother for help. Afterward, the doctors have to physically fight Shigeo to get him sedated. Shigeo is put into a small stasis chamber and set aside, where he was supposed to sleep indefinitely. It takes a while, but Ritsu is able to break in and is horrified that his brother is in a freaking box. And things go from there.

Mob hates being alive. He doesn’t want to be here. He’s convinced his existence is a mistake, one that he constantly regrets. Most of this pain comes from simple self-hatred, that he’s alive in a body that doesn’t belong to him and never did, that he unfairly stole Shigeo’s life. It’s made worse when Ritsu expects Mob to act like Shigeo but he never can, feeling like he’s incapable of being a real person. There’s a lot of crying on his part, driven by intense despair. It takes time, but Mob slowly stabilizes as he comes to terms with his existence, characterized by increasing moments of speech and lucidity.

#mob psycho 100 #firefly au #PSYCHICS! IN! SPAAAAAACE!!! #anyone is free to pick up and play with this #i can't do too much more for it #sorry if too much focuses on mob #his stuff was more compelling #*shrug* #upperstories