#sorry not to be a fucking patriot of all things but i just remembered this song and i wanna fucking cry
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noooo don't write the most gently heartbreakingly bittersweet song that makes me weep for the immense homesickness pooling in my heart even though i literally live and have always lived in free Poland you're so sexy aha
#sorry not to be a fucking patriot of all things but i just remembered this song and i wanna fucking cry#(also because there's not a single recording of it that really fits *my* interpretation but i will probably never sing it#because it's fucking long and slow and people dont like to listen to that stuff cause that's boring boohoo)#(the perfect rendition of it exists in my head ok. with rubato and shameless portamenti in all the right places)#anyway fryderyk chopin you were fucking insane for this. this song is pure melancholy written down on paper. its incredible.#its frankly the only chopin song i truly care about#fryderyk chopin#polska#pierdoleni romantycy co ja przez was przechodzę#also not to be that person but if you're Polish and pro i/srael you are the biggest fucking hypocrite and you should be ashamed of yourself
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Can't Leave Me
Pairing: Dark Hawks x (female) Reader
▶ This is a yandere/dark work and it may contain triggering content so please READ THE WARNINGS before. Do not read if minor.
More at Masterlist
Female Reader
SUMMARY: Seeing a darker side of Keigo has you rethinking your entire relationship. But it’s not like Keigo is planning on letting you go.
WARNINGS: Murder; Kidnapping.
AN: Please, reblog and give me feedback.
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His hand rubs comforting circles over the expanse of your back, innumerous apologies being mumbled as he kisses the crown of your head.
“I should’ve eased you into it. I‘m so sorry, baby.” his tone is apologetic, almost regretful, but you can’t be bothered by that.
Not after what you witnessed.
The queasiness in your stomach increases, and you swallow hard, closing your eyes in a poor attempt to control both yourself and the wave of nausea that threatens to rise.
“Next time, I promise I’ll let you know beforehand, ‘kay? No more nasty surprises, I promise.” his cooing has you pushing your palms against the edge of the marble kitchen island, and you take a few stumbling steps backwards.
“I really thought you’d like to see my patriotic work.”
“You…” his golden eyes squint for a second when you dodge his hand from touching your arm, “That man-”
“He’s no one. Just some fucking dirtbag I caught the other day on patrol. No one even cares that he’s gone, if that makes you feel better.”
You look at him in bewilderment, unable to believe his words. Was Keigo - always so sweet and gentleman - trying to convince you that killing people was fine? That it was okay for his basement to have pools of blood and pieces of human limbs?
The pungent smell of fresh blood is still haunting your nose and you scrunch it, remembering the nasty scene your boyfriend presented you.
When Keigo asked you to come to his house, telling you he had a surprise stored in his basement for you, your mind wandered to the idea of receiving a sweet gift.
Maybe a painting or a bracelet, anything with a romantic meaning. A normal thing.
But when Keigo took you to his basement, chest inflated with pride at what he called “city scum cleaning” it wasn’t at all what you expected.
“You’re worrying too much.” he sighs, his wings ruffling behind him. “I’m cleaning the city from the filthy scum, nothing else.”
“They’re human beings, Keigo. You can’t take justice into your own hands, that’s not your job.”
Keigo only shrugs his shoulders, disinterested at your attempt to bring some conscience to him.
“I know this upsetted you, baby, so why don’t we change the subject? How about we start making dinner and then watch a movie? I know you’re excited to see that new action movie, right?”
His proposition makes you feel sick to your stomach for more reasons than one, but the realization that your boyfriend is trying to distract you from the fact that he’s a serial killer is too much.
You need to leave. Immediately.
But you’re scared. Terrified of becoming Keigo’s new addition to his basement, if he realizes that you’re not on his side. You’re not sure if he loves enough to spare you from such destiny.
You’re not sure of anything anymore.
You shift the weight from one foot to the other, eyes drifting to the kitchen door.
“I think…” your voice shakes, and you attempt to clear your throat, “Maybe I should go, Keigo. I’m not…feeling great.”
His expression drops for a moment, cold anger being replaced with feigned sympathy so quickly that you almost believe you imagined it.
“Sweet cheeks, if you’re not feeling well, then you can just sleep over.” he takes a minuscule step in your direction, his wings stretching behind him for a moment. Demonstrating their enormous size before he pulls them back.
A not very subtle threat.
“I can prepare a warm bath for you, and then get you in bed with some painkillers. How about that?”
You shake your head, feeling helpless.
“No, Keigo, it’s fine, really. I can just go home and-”
“Nonsense. Besides, I don’t like the idea of you all alone in your apartment, especially if you’re feeling sick.” he brushes you off, “I can’t have you puking or passing out when you’re on your own. What kind of boyfriend would that make me, am I right?”
A few of his feathers gracefully fly in your direction, gently but effectively pushing you forward.
The conflict inside your mind only fires up, but you’re hardly able to bitterly swallow down all the shabby excuses and useless begging that would only result in angering Keigo.
Your body bumps against his and Keigo instantly wraps his arm around your waist, replacing the feathers that rejoin his wings.
He kisses your cheek with an arm tightly gripping your waist, as if he’s waiting for you to bolt and run away. You’d be lying if you say the idea doesn’t seem awfully tempting.
Maybe if he looks away or gets distracted…maybe then you could take the chance.
“C’mon, let’s get you a bath, ‘kay? You’re really not looking too good.”
The melancholic moonlight hits you in the face, seeping through the locked window. Your eyes are wide open, despite the ungodly time of the night. It’s quiet now, aside from the light cricket’s sounds and the occasional car speeding up through the street.
You barely move your head as you glance towards the fluorescent numbers of the digital clock on the bedside table next to you, careful enough to shift as little as you can.
The arm draped across your waist feels like a rope, keeping you bound to Keigo.
But it’s better than the red wing that lays wide open in all of its immense size, acting as a second blanket to your body, caging you to the bed with its oppressive weight.
Despite your objections of becoming too hot during the night, Keigo still insisted on covering your body with it, shutting you down with a gentle kiss.
He sleeps soundly, his chest a few inches away from your chest, his deep calm breathing hitting your ear and neck.
You can’t sleep. Your mind is too bothered, too upset to even consider something as futile as sleeping when there are more urgent necessities. Such as escaping this house.
Keigo fell into a deep slumber a few hours ago while you remained awake, thinking about your next steps. You have to leave the bed, leave the house, leave him.
But even the last step seems complicated when you can’t even pull yourself out of the bed - out of Keigo’s suffocating embrace.
You’re frozen with fear, you begrudgingly admit. Scared of accidentally waking Keigo up and in the process, to wake a side of him that you don’t want to see.
You have to do this.
The first step is to test the waters.
You take a deep breath, slowly shifting your body, your hand gently pushing his arm down and away from you. Nothing happens.
Your heartbeat speeds up as you embrace yourself for the final step.
Looking down at the impending problem of escaping the red wing, you take the decision to slide underneath it.
It’s awkward and embarrassing when you weirdly dive underneath the wing, squishing yourself against the bed as you try to touch the feathers as little as you can. They don’t pulse or move, remaining completely still as you make your escape.
A relieved sigh gets caught in your throat when your feet touch the floor. Just a little more, you think, bending your body to slide down the curve of the bed.
Premature hope makes your breathe faster. Maybe you can actually get away.
Oh god, you’re actually going to get away.
Your whole body freezes for a scary moment when Keigo mumbles a few incoherent words, shifting and turning in bed, but thankfully he remains asleep. You can breathe again.
It’s a bit hard to walk in the darkness, only the dim light of the moon helping you guide yourself, as your feet take baby steps and you prod the walls with your hands until you finally find the closet room.
The door creaks slightly as you slowly close it, and you hold your breath for a moment. Nothing happens.
You open the light, hoping it doesn’t infiltrate through the door’s crack and search the place with your eyes, looking for your clothes. Keigo kept them there before handing you one of his shirts earlier in the night, saying that it would be more comfortable for you to sleep in his clothes than in your outer clothes.
It’s easy to find your shirt and pants, both of them tucked away in a corner of the room, the evident contrast between Keigo’s expensive clothing and your cheap casual outfit standing out.
You quickly put them on, looking around for your purse before remembering that you had left it in the kitchen. Fuck.
You close the light, and silently leave the closet.
“Babe.”
Your blood runs cold at the sight of Keigo casually standing in front of you, arms crossed in his chest. There’s no anger in his face - nor sleepiness, you notice - but there are hints of annoyance. Did he really expect you not to try and run?
“I’m kinda disappointed, I gotta say.” he shakes his head with a tired sigh. “I was really hoping you wouldn’t do anything stupid tonight. Guess I was wrong.”
“I wasn’t-” your words lose strength, and for a moment, the idea of dashing for the door with all of your speed seems incredibly enticing, “It’s not what you think.”
“Yeah? Pfft, c’mon, you seriously think you’re gonna fool me into believing any crappy excuse? Like I didn’t just catch you trying to sneak off on me?” he clicks his tongue, messy strands of blonde hair falling onto his forehead, “But you know what?”
It’s now. The moment he switches the flip on you and beats you and-
“Let’s continue this tomorrow, alright? It’s late, so how about we sleep on this and in the morning, we’ll talk.”
You look at him, surprised. Isn’t he gonna drag you by the hair to his basement and beat you?
Keigo directs you back to the closet, watching as you hesitate to change back into his shirt.
“That was never gonna work, you know that, right?” he says. “It’s not like you could outrun me. I’m too fast for you, with or without quirk.”
When you get back on the bed, his wing covers you once again and his arm pulls you flush against his chest, suffocating you with his presence.
He kisses the nape of your neck.
“Sleep tight.”
You wake up startled, mind buzzing with a chilling nightmare. Red blood and sticky viscera follow you even though you rise away from the realm of dreams.
You breathe in. It was just a dream.
Distant sounds coming from another room catch your attention and you remain quiet, catching the tiny rays of sunlight that come through the curtains, basking on pacific solitude.
What are you supposed to do now? Relent and pretend that everything is peachy, to act as if the basement isn’t torture chamber and that your boyfriend isn’t some cold-hearted killer?
You roll to the side, yelping when your leg gets caught on.
A chain.
A soft leather wrapped tightly around your ankle, connecting it to the links of metal that keep you in a short leash. There’s barely any length to it, meaning you won’t even be able to reach the bathroom if you need to.
This can’t be real.
You persistently rub your eyes, shaking your head as fear threatens to spill in the shape of a panic attack.
Keigo wouldn’t do this. He can’t do this. He just can’t.
Much to your consternation, you don’t wake up. This isn’t some wicked dream, after all.
“No, no, please, no.” you cry, pulling and tugging on the solid chain with both of your hands. It doesn’t work, despite all the clicking it does. Doesn’t so much as move away from your ankle.
But it does make a shrilling noise and soon Keigo rushes into the room, a worried expression on his face before he understands what you’re doing.
He plops next to you, firm hands pulling your shaky ones away from the chain, despite you not giving up and you yelp when he uses his strength to expertly twist your wrist, forcing you to let go of the chain.
“Keigo, please, don’t…don’t do this. I promise I won’t run away, I swear!” you plead, snot and tears pathetically dripping down your face as Keigo pulls you into his lap, a large hand securing both of your wrists.
“Keigo…”
“Shh, it’s okay. Everything is fine, it’s all okay.”
It only makes you cry harder. One of his hands rubs your back while the other holds the back of your neck, pushing your face to his chest.
“C’mon, don’t cry. You know how awful that makes me feel.” he presses a gentle kiss to your head, rocking your bodies back and forth, comforting you as if you were a child throwing a tantrum.
“You left me no choice. You were gonna leave me, abandon me like I never meant anything to you.” his voice is almost quiet and you know that if you looked up, his face would resemble a kicked puppy.
It almost makes you feel bad until the stupid chain in your ankle clinks, reminding you that Keigo isn’t a good man.
“But it’s okay now. I know you’re not happy with… our current situation, but you’ll soon see it my way. I’m doing this for you - for us.”
His arms tightened around your wriggling body, keeping you close to him.
“I’m not letting anything get between us. Not even you.”
#@mrsdarkandyandere7#yandere bnha#yandere mnha#dark bnha#yandere my hero academia#bnha x reader#mha x reader#yandere x reader#hawks x reader#yandere hawks#yandere hawks x reader#yandere!hawks x reader#dark hawks x reader#yandere keigo takami#yandere keigo takami x reader#yandere keigo x reader#tw: yandere#tw: kidnapping
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Evermore
Chapter 10. So scarlet it was maroon
Masterlist
Previous chapter
It's mission time!
There is going to be an evident shift in Pietro and Nadia's relationship over the next couple of chapters and I'm very excited to share them xx
pairing: Pietro Maximoff x OFC
warnings: Canon-typical violence, lots and lots of tension, soft Pietro, Nadia totally isn't in denial, PTSD, and trauma, mean Nadia (and then soft Nadia :)).
“Your bodies belong to your country. Remember that.” A chill sat over the room, pricking at my bare skin as Matron Katerina circled us. There was snow falling outside, blanketing the landscape in powdery white. It made me think of the powdered sugar, like what they sprinkle on Tippaleipä. I’d never seen one until last week in Finland, I was there to eliminate an official who was being paid hush money by the Americans to allow CIA agents to sniff around under the radar. On either side of me stood lines of other Widows, awaiting inspection. It was a weekly procedure. Matron Katerina would measure us, check our wounds and ensure that we remained physically desirable to our marks and were not fatally ill. “This is how you show your patriotism.” She said the same thing every time. I watched the window as frost spread across the glass as she wrapped the measuring tape around my waist.
It had been easy. To kill the official. It was a slice to his left femoral artery as he’d been climbing on top of me on the hotel bed, pants around his ankles. With my hand over his mouth, he bled out in 1 minute and 35 seconds. I stayed longer than I should have after, staring at the small picture of his wife and two daughters that he’d kept hidden in his wallet. It was old, worn, and had fold lines across it but, to me, it was beautiful. They would probably be better off without a father who leads 16-year-old girls to his hotel room after spending the night allowing his wandering hands to roam unchecked.
They did not ask us to let the targets fuck us. They told us to complete the mission, by whatever means necessary. I never let them go any further than believing they were taking me to bed, but I knew others had gone the rest of the way; whatever means necessary. That is what they mean, our bodies, they are not ours. We suffer the pains, the indignities, the torture, for our country. That is our first mission.
Matron Katerina’s fingers felt like the ice that coats the windows in the harsh Russian winter as they press against my skin. I don’t flinch, none of us do. We stand silent, unmoving, in our underwear until she dismisses us. I can see Yelena in my peripheral, staring straight ahead of us, awaiting her turn. She turned 17 yesterday, for her birthday I told her about the Tippaleipä dessert I’d seen on my mission. For the first time since Natasha left, she had seemed almost at ease.
Things were getting worse here. Dreykov had ordered that we get a new injection, they said it would make us stronger. I wasn’t sure I believed them.
“Is it weird to be home?” Pietro managed to get out around the half-chewed cookies stuffed in his mouth. I grimaced at the sight, extending the handle on my suitcase, and beginning toward the hotel before us. “Sorry, I think that might have been a stupid question.” I continued to ignore him as we approached the receptionist.
“Hello, I’m so sorry do you speak English at all, my Russian is terrible,” I spoke in a smooth American accent, a favorite of mine.
The woman behind the desk nodded at me. “Yes, I do, how can I help you?” I told her the name that our booking was under, the same one that had been on the fake documents given to Pietro and me. “Ah, yes, I see. Here is your keycard, Mr., and Mrs. Wharton.” I forced down another grimace at her words. “Enjoy your stay and welcome to Moscow.”
I accepted the card from her hands, offering her a warm smile as I turned, entering the elevator quickly. “How did you get so good at accents?”
“You’ve done the same accent as well.”
“Yes, but that’s just American, it’s all I can do.”
My hands were clenched in the pockets of my large coat. They had scarcely loosened since we stepped off the plane in Russia. “I’ve played a lot of roles.” My jaw was clenched I realized as my words came out around gritted teeth.
“Why so tense? Do you normally get so nervous on missions?” I closed my eyes, swallowing heavily as the elevator approached our floor. My stomach was churning, I had not been back here since… it had almost been 10 years, and yet it had never felt more recent. The wind, so cold it burned my flesh. “Are you ignoring me, now?”
“Fucking hell, just shut up, Pietro! Jesus, we should have demanded separate rooms, I cannot fucking stand you!” He rose his hands defensively, amusement evident on his features. I threw the door to our room open, abruptly stopping in my tracks. “I am going to fucking kill Stark.”
Pietro was honest-to-God giggling behind me as he peered over my shoulder at the solitary bed that lay in the center of the room. “I mean that solves the problem of the cold I suppose.”
“Keep going and I might accidentally smother you in your sleep.” The look in my eyes shut him up quickly. I was dialing the compound within the minute. “What the actual fuck?!” I shouted the second the line opened, not even asking who was on the phone.
“I’m gonna leave this with you, Tony.” I heard Steve mutter before a shifting sound filled the receiver.
A sigh filled my ears before his voice did. “Hi there, something I can help with?”
“You are not funny, Stark, book another room right now.”
He was quick with his reply, no hesitation whatsoever. “No can do, Nads. See, the cover is that you and Speedy are husband and wife, you need to look like it. Hence… marital bed.”
“I will fucking kill you!”
His chuckle echoed down the line. “It’s a nice hotel though, right? The reviews were killer, only the best for Mr. and Mrs. Wharton.” “Think of it like bonding time.”
“You’re a bastard and you better sleep with an eye open when this shit is finished.”
“That is a truly bone-chilling sentiment, Nads. Anywho, good luck!” With that, the line went dead and I was left with only Pietro who was currently lounging on the plush bed. I locked the door before throwing my luggage down and ripping apart the edible arrangement that sat on the table. Within it were our earpieces and my gun. I muttered curses as I tested out the equipment and hid the firearm, searching the room to locate the other places with concealed weapons, knives, an extra gun, and ammunition.
Pietro’s laughs only furthered my ire. “You have a filthy mouth, you know that?”
“Fuck you!” His laugh grew in volume. He interlocked his fingers and rested them behind his head as he watched me. I jammed the secret insert back into the drawer before slamming it closed, the sound of metal clattering and wood groaning under the force caused Pietro to sit up quickly. “Fuck!” I shouted, swiping the destroyed basket of food from the table, tugging at the roots of my hair.
Pietro was on his feet then, hands out before him, palms facing me. I kicked at the food that was now spread all over the marble floor. “Nadia, you need to take a breath.”
“Seriously just shut up. Get off your ass we need to get started!”
“What’s wrong with you?”
I laughed dryly, narrowing my eyes at him. “What’s wrong with me? You mean outside the obvious being here on a mission with your incompetent ass? Maybe it’s the fact that this whole thing is just a big fucking joke to everyone but you’re going to get us both fucking killed!”
The hurt was only visible in his eyes for a split second before he banished it, not entirely though. I still saw it, the way his blue eyes looked like they were melting as he watched me. His expression hardened. “So, what, you’re going to act like a child and throw things around because you didn’t get your way?”
“I beg your pardon?”
“No, keep going, please it’s amusing to watch you lose your shit and behave like a spoilt brat.” I swung at him, but he caught my arm, pinning me to the bed in a blur of blue and silver.
I thrashed around in his hold. “Get off of me, prick!” He didn’t budge even slightly as I threw my body weight around, yanking and kicking. My face was hot, and my eyes were beginning to sting. “Fucking let me go, Pietro.”
“Not until you tell me the real reason you are so upset.”
I told him to get off again but with far more colorful language.
“Nadia, you are going nowhere near this mission until you cool off, take a breath, and tell me what the hell is going on with you.” I shut my eyes tightly, clenching my jaw as rage simmered in my belly. “I’m sorry for touching you again without your permission, but you need to calm down. Please, Nadia.” My body felt as though it were vibrating, thrumming as white-hot, liquid fury pulsed through me. I set him with a glare. “Hate me all you want. I can take it, but I’m not letting you go and get yourself killed because you won’t tell me the fucking truth.”
“Fuck you.”
“Fuck me. Fine, get it all out, we’re not going anywhere until you calm down.”
I clenched my jaw tighter, struggling against him again. “You’re a fucking prick you know that.” He only shrugged. “I hate you, Pietro.” Still, he held onto me. I kept going, swearing, insulting, and spewing cruel words at him. He did not flinch in the face of my rage, instead, he faced it head-on, stepped into it with me, and did not break eye contact once. “Do you think this makes you brave? Huh, do you? You think this makes you a hero? You’re not a fucking hero, you’re just a madman’s science experiment.”
“You want me to let go of you so badly, don’t you? We both know you don’t mean a word you’re saying right now, you’d say anything to get me to leave you alone. What is it, do you actually have a death wish?”
“I’ve killed people. You know that don’t you?” He was silent at my question. “People who did nothing to me. What do you think I’ll do to you when you do let me go?”
I felt something warm press to my forehead then. “Nadia. Open your eyes.” What? They were open, I could see him just fine. “Please, just take a breath and open your eyes.” His forehead was pressed to mine and his dark lashes were fluttering against his cheeks, blue eyes hidden from my gaze. That is what I saw when I opened my eyes finally. I realized then that his thumb was stroking the side of my wrist, had been the whole time. Then I was gasping, breathing heavily as if I’d never really tasted air before. There was warm liquid pouring down my cheeks and my heart was racing. Pietro let go of me and laid beside me, no longer touching me as I curled in on myself. I turned away from him clutching my legs as the tears continued.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered finally; my throat raw.
He told me it was okay.
“It’s not… I-I.” I did not know what to say, so I opted for the truth, well some of it. “The last time I was here… I was dying.” He stayed silent; an offer for me to continue. “This was never my home. It is just the only place I remember living before I left the Red Room. I have not been back here since, and the truth, Pietro, is that it fucking terrifies me.”
He let the room go quiet for a long while before he spoke up again. “I know you did not mean what you said, Nadia.”
“I am not going to hurt you, I’m sorry I said that.” I stared at the food strewn across the floor through blurry eyes. “You’re not just a science experiment.” It was gentle, quiet, a breath carried away by the air.
“You’ve killed people… that is what you cannot forgive yourself for, isn’t it? That’s what you meant that day when you said I didn’t know the things you had done.”
“I’ve done worse than that.”
I could feel the warmth of him radiating into my back, the sound of movement of the duvet filled my ears but he did not touch me. “It was not you, Nadia.” Silence came once again then. I closed my eyes, the darkness a welcome relief.
“Wasn’t it?”
…
“Okay. This is the plan.” Pietro clapped his hands together when I returned from the bathroom. Our hotel room was clean, no longer in a state of disarray, it was after my frantic behavior earlier. “You’ll take the bed, and I’ll sleep on the couch.”
I shook my head. “You take the bed, it's fine.” He placed his hands on his hips, giving me a bemused look.
“I cannot believe this, there must be cameras around to catch this.” He glanced around the room theatrically before continuing. “Nadia Pimenova actually offering to make things easier for me.” I rolled my eyes, walking past the man to open my suitcase and search through it for my pajamas. “Why don’t we take turns? You take the bed tonight; I’ll take it tomorrow night… and maybe on the third night we’ll cuddle.” The look I sent him was glacial. “Compromise, no?”
“I like the part where you have to sleep on the couch. The rest? Not so much.”
A crooked grin broke out across his features as he watched me. When I looked at him the first thing, I noticed was the dimples embedded on his cheeks. I felt my own lips upturn. “What are you looking at?” He teased, his smile growing. It was then that I realized I had been staring. I averted my gaze quickly, yanking the clothes I’d been looking for from my suitcase and turning to go back into the bathroom again. “I wasn’t telling you to stop.” I glanced back at him over my shoulder. “I like it when you look at me.” My face heated up at his words, the heat spreading through my body quickly. I shut the door to the bathroom, leaning back against it and rubbing a hand over my face. What the hell was going on with me?
I barely slept that night, tossing and turning as my mind whirred with thoughts of what we needed to do tomorrow. Being in Moscow wouldn’t affect me because I wouldn’t let it.
The air was crisp and cold with the arrival of autumn. I looked out at the yellowing leaves that had fallen into the Moscow River, drifting upstream. It was too early in the year for snow, but it would be here within the coming months, painting the streets white and piling along this very bridge. I ran my glove-clad hands across the railing, I’d walked across this bridge many times when I was younger, and for a while, it symbolized a quiet serenity. One that was a rarity for me then. “It’s nice. Cold, but nice.” Pietro’s voice pulled me from my reverie, I hummed quietly.
“The Moskva.” I nodded toward the water flowing beneath us. He came to stand beside me, looking out at the boats passing by. “It wasn’t cold in Sokovia?”
“It was, but not like this.”
A quiet laugh passed my lips. We hadn’t spoken about what happened yesterday, I’d woken up hours before him to get ready. Eventually, throwing a pillow at his head to get him up off his ass. We were in Moscow to collect intel on a drug ring that had surfaced here, seemingly looking to dominate the market with the new drug they were selling. Our mission was to locate the Moscow base and report it to the DEA division that had jurisdiction here and to report back to headquarters with samples for testing. Pietro and I would pose as existing investors, Naomi, and James Wharton. Wealthy socialites who had been pouring money into the business for years. The real Wharton’s were in custody back in New York, but as they were silent partners who’d never been seen by the higher-ups at this company, we would be taking their places.
“Are you nervous?” Pietro asked, following closely behind me as I guided him toward the building where we would be meeting with the partners.
“Not really. You?” I glanced back at his to see him shrug slightly.
He inhaled deeply. “Should I be?”
I tilted my head back and forth in thought. “Well, that depends… Are you planning on doing something stupid and getting yourself killed?” He offered me an unamused look in response. “It is good to be nervous, it means you care. But you don’t need to worry.”
“Because you will always protect me?” He asked, frown turning into a cheeky smile.
“Cap would be super irritating if I let you go and die. So, I suppose I will have to make sure you make it back.”
Pietro chuckled heartily in response. “It is okay, Nadia, you can just admit that you’d never let anyone hurt me because you love me wholeheartedly, I won’t judge you.” He walked ahead of me, looking back over his shoulder. “What was it that made you fall so head over heels? Was it my stunning wit or my unbelievable sex appeal?”
“Perhaps it was your incredible humility.” I taunted, overtaking him once more.
He stopped at my side as the building came into view. “Can I touch you?”
I huffed at him.
He grinned slightly in response. “Just to make our cover believable of course.”
I agreed with a roll of my eyes. His body heat radiated onto me through my coat as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders, his chest pressed against my side as we walked. I swallowed heavily at the contact, glad that my coat prevented his flesh from touching mine. A shiver raced down my spine at the thought. I wasn’t sure whether it was a reaction of discomfort, or something else entirely.
“If you are uncomfortable, tell me, and I will stop.” His breath was hot on my ear as he spoke. I considered his words, it would be suspicious if we did not touch at all, but was this too much for me? I wondered if the feeling of prickling at my skin came from wanting him to stop touching me or from the nagging thought in the back of my mind that I wanted him to keep doing it. I chose not to respond verbally, instead opting to lean further into his chest as we crossed the threshold of the building. We walked to the front desk, and I told the woman the codeword.
“Mr. Rostokov will meet you when you arrive on level 4.” She responded with a warm smile. He did in fact meet us, the moment the elevator doors opened he was there. A wide smile across his face, it was eerie how toothy his grin was. The way he peered at us with eyes so dark they appeared almost black.
“I’m so glad you could make it. Mr. and Mrs. Wharton” Two men in all black suits were in our space as soon as we stepped into the corridor. “Ivan and Sergei are just going to conduct a quick search before we take you to meet my partner, it is procedure, I’m sure you understand.”
I smiled at him, nodding immediately. “Of course, we’d expect nothing less, Mr. Rostokov.”
“Please!” He waved his hand dismissively. “Mr. Rostokov was my father, call me Anatoly.”
“It’s a pleasure to formally meet you, Anatoly. I’m Naomi, and this is my husband, James.” I linked my arm with Pietro’s after they finished searching us. We hadn’t brought any weapons, not today, this was a preliminary meeting. I had a tiny microphone pinned in my hair, invisible to the naked eye but highly effective for missions like this.
“My wife and I have been looking forward to making this for months,” Pietro added, rubbing my upper arm. He’d adopted the American accent surprisingly easily. I smiled at him as we both turned back to the man before us who was currently scouring my body. He passed a hand over his dark, slicked back hair before returning our smiles and beginning to lead us down the hall passed the glass conference rooms and offices filled with people. When we made it to the end there was a large room that was surrounded by walls rather than clear panes, the interior was completely hidden from the outside. The first door was closed swiftly behind us by Ivan and Sergei who remained outside. We had stepped into a small room, only occupied by two plastic tubs situated atop a table. I glanced toward Anatoly who had stopped before a set of double doors and was now facing us.
“Mr. Vasiliev is very particular when he meets people for the first time.”
We had been briefed about this before leaving the compound, the terms under which the two men operated. He wanted us to strip down to our undergarments and that is the state we would meet Mr. Vasiliev in. They said it was a safety precaution, as the things discussed in his office were delicate matters, confidential. However, I knew what this was about. They had already searched us, and no doubt scanned us the moment we entered the building, they knew we were not wearing wires nor concealing weapons, this was about one thing: power. He wanted us to know how much he had, he wanted us to know that we were subject to his will. I’d known many men like him in my life. When our clothes were neatly folded in the tub and Pietro, and I stood in nothing but our underwear the double doors were opened, and we were ushered into the large office.
“That’s a nasty scar you’ve got there, Naomi.” Mr. Rostokov spoke, running his fingertips over the skin of my shoulder. I swallowed down my disgust at his tone, clenching my fists at my side to keep from pulling away from him, my skin felt scratchy and overwhelmingly clammy then. Pietro moved closer to me, his wrist grazing my own as he switched sides with me. The scratchiness lessened.
I forced a laugh. “Yeah, I’m something of a clutz. I fell off my bike when I was younger, took a nasty tumble.” I lied easily, recalling the way it had felt as the blade of a knife sliced through the delicate flesh. It happened after the Red Room while I was working as an agent for S.H.I.E.L.D.
“Ah, my friends, how wonderful it is to meet you at last.” Mr. Vasiliev stood, rounding his desk to shake our hands.
Anatoly leered at me the entire time we spoke with the two men, making small talk and discussing our travels. I only really started to listen when they began to speak about the farm. This was the suspected location where they manufactured and stored the narcotics. Eventually, the two men excused themselves, offering us both greasy smiles as they turned to each other and began to conduct what I assumed was meant to be a private conversation.
“Можно ли им доверять?” Can they be trusted?
“Они отдали много денег на дело, было бы не в их интересах нападать на нас сейчас.” They’ve given a lot of money to the cause; it wouldn’t be in their best interest to turn on us now.
“Мы отвезем их на ферму завтра вечером” We’ll take them to the farm tomorrow evening. “Если они окажутся ненадежными, мы убьем их до того, как они уедут из Москвы.” If they prove untrustworthy, we kill them before they leave Moscow.
I smiled widely at Anatoly and Mr. Vasiliev as they turned back to us telling us a time and location to meet them at tomorrow.
“Did they buy it?” Pietro asked the moment we were behind the door of our hotel room.
I dropped my coat over the back of a chair. “They don’t not trust us, but we need to really sell it tomorrow.”
“And if we don’t?”
With a shrug, I glanced over at him. “We die.”
“So no pressure…”
#pietro maximoff x ofc#pietro maximoff fanfiction#pietro maximoff#aaron taylor johnson#aaron taylor johnson smut#pietro maximoff smut#aaron taylor johnson x reader#aaron taylor johnson fanfiction#atj smut#avengers fanfiction#avengers smut#marvel avengers#marvel fanfiction#marvel smut#pietro marvel#pietro maximoff x reader
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theoretically pt.9
[first , prev ] [female reader]
[//tw: swearing, guns, death and blood ahead\\ also angst]
By all means, you should have been fine.
Continually failing at trying to peel the knot apart which currently held your wrists hostage, you silently cursed at such a simple thing that just would not go your way.
You weren’t asking much, realistically speaking. Tossed on horseback, greedily speeding miles away from the beach, you were certain that whenever Caleb and the Major returned, they would likely follow the shoreline, in the opposite direction.
The skies had quickly clouded, and with little warning, the rain pounded against the Earth, drenching your clothes and your hopes that someone would find your clue.
“Identify yourself!”
You physically jump, startled at how fast they had approached your hiding spot. Though one could argue you weren’t really doing a great job at the feat, silently praying they wouldn’t venture any further.
“Ah, fuck—“ There wasn’t much to do other than oblige, so you stand on shaky legs and throw your hands up, hoping that the ‘I surrender’ mentality would save yourself here.
“Don’t shoot!” When you move your arms, your hand brushes the pocket that concealed the knife. Inwardly groaning, you can hear the metal hit the ground with an aggressive thud. For once, you find a moment to think rationally, you use the toe of your sneaker to draw an arrow in the sand.
They’ll likely take you the way they came from, one could hope.
“I’ve been stranded here,”
You begin talking straight nonsense, begging words that seemed an inkling of believable to fall from your lips.
“Miss, this is really no place for a lady to reside,”
When they finally arrive right in front of you, they lower their weapons, seemingly unanimously agreeing that you were no perceivable threat.
That kind of hurt, for some reason.
“Sorry for the binds, but we are on strict orders to take anyone or anything in that comes onto that beach,”
Your nose wrinkles, opting to not say anything at all. If you hadn’t dropped that fucking knife-
“That area is a known smugglers destination, ma’am.”
The younger one speaks, the one who’s currently sat behind you on the horse. His red sleeves are the only thing you can see of him, but as the sun would soon begin to rise, you would dare to take a glance back at his features.
“Your silence is proving you guilty,”
The older one chides now, but not by much.
“If I told you what really happened, you wouldn’t believe me,”
You whisper, teeth sinking into your bottom lip. Subconsciously, you never wanted these guys to see you cry, but the frustration was starting to eat away at you. It was all building so fast, that the world started to spin, and as if it was nothing, it all stopped.
“You have permission to speak it, so I may relay it to the Lieutenant when we arrive back to camp.”
You roll your eyes, a sarcastic “Gee, thanks,” bubbling in your throat, but you remembered instantly what Caleb had told you.
"I promise, even if you come 'cross some lobsterbacks, they wouldn't harm a lady. Just say ya got lost, and ask for the Captain or Major. They'd be able to help you."
His index finger comes to his lips, as if he's about to disclose a secret.
"Jus' don't mention anything about the camp, alright? Yer a patriot now, y/n, don't go switchin' sides."
Maybe you should bide your time the best you could, stretching it until there was no more room to give.
“Lieutenant?” You warble, sniffling slightly.
“Yes, that is who we report to. Anyone else you wish to speak with is denied, until further information is provided.”
You sigh, straightening your shoulders as well as you could, positioned in between the officers arms.
“What if we are headed in the completely wrong direction?”
It’s a very good question, one that every time it arose in his thoughts, he pushed back away. Becoming increasingly irritated, the blonde sighed, pushing away some flyaways from his forehead as they entered deeper into the woods.
“That is a very good possibility.” Is all he can reply, having a bit more incentive to get to you before you slip up, now having knowledge of the camp and that the General was stationed there.
He trusted that you would keep those secrets, but he did not know what level of…ill treatment you could take before the words came racing out of your mouth.
“So why didn’t we split up? Coulda met back there in a coupla hours.”
“I am hoping we are going the right way.”
If Caleb knew he was being very annoying, he was doing an excellent job at it.
“But what if we aren’t—“
“Caleb, please—“
And before he can say another word, there’s a rustle of something, wet leaves underfoot as silhouettes cast shadows in the daybreak.
“Shut up, please.” Ben asks, voice almost nothing as they both drop to a crouch behind some shrubbery, a couple hundred feet off. Although capable of seeing them, they were unable to hear what was being exchanged.
From the looks of it though, you had them right where you wanted them. They had halted their riding, the two horses idling as you stood next to a tree, arms bound but within reach. Your mouth was moving, and the two soldiers appeared to be at least satiated with whatever you were saying.
“See? She’s fine,”
Caleb hums, nudging the Major in the ribs. Ben turns to look at him so quickly he’s sure he’s just given himself whiplash.
“If I remember correctly,” He gravels, voice a bit elevated.
“I was the one consoling you,”
“Nah, I don’t remember that.”
Ben watches you carefully, and as if he willed it, your eyes made brief contact with his, looking just past the two officers. Nearly doing a double take, your eyes jump wide, but dart back to the taller man, so you wouldn’t give up their location.
You begin talking, your mouth moving once more but he’s unable to read exactly what you are saying. Catching your unexplainable surprise in what lies so far out into the trees, the shorter man spins around, scanning the horizon for something out of the ordinary.
Just as Ben turns to Caleb, ready to devise some sort of plan, you begin to shriek, piercing screams echoing through empty space as if it was amplified by a thousand.
The one redcoat, the one who was scouting, visibly jumps, turning to face you with a mixture of surprise and anger on his face, while the other attempts to figure out what was causing the screams.
“There was a spider on me!”
Ben will never be sure if there really was one on you, but Caleb audibly laughs, taking the opportunity that was so easily given to them.
Now, completely occupied and unable to console your loud cries, the two make a break for it and cross the remaining yards with ease.
“Hands up,”
Though the click of his flintlock pistol is satisfying, shoving the barrel directly between the man's shoulder blades, the willingness to squeeze the trigger is almost antagonizing. Caleb followed suit to the other officer, eyes trained on you, as if any more movement would cause you harm.
They both hesitantly raise their arms, making no move to agitate the situation further. Ben briefly wonders how you've so quickly wound your way around Caleb's finger, but then again, he'd be lying if you didn't have the same effect on him.
You offer a watery smile, fervently shaking the legs of your pants one last time, shrugging your shoulders as the two men look fixedly at you, shocked nonetheless at your stratagem.
What did nonplus you so much was that they both fired their weapons, and you watch in horror as both bodies crumble lifelessly to the ground.
Both horses, now spooked, take off in a direction that Benjamin doesn't quite care to take note of.
Something that he wishes he never saw was the look in your eyes, the panic and trepidation as if you couldn't really believe what you just saw.
"They didn't do nothin' to ya, did they?"
Caleb is first to break the stalemate, shoving his gun back into the loop on his belt, and stepping around one of the bodies to get closer to you. Smoke clearing, Ben slowly lowers his weapon, eyes impotent to leave yours and feet rooted to the dirt.
"N-no," You shuffle awkwardly, weight shifting back and forth between your feet and now unable to meet either of the men's gaze.
"M'sorry I left...you alone..."
The brunette watches the Major, then his eyes bolt back to you. He's piecing something together in his mind, and before he can say it, Benjamin beats him to it.
"We need to go."
"Ben-" Caleb starts, his hand reaching out to touch your arm, but recoils it back when he realizes the blood that splatters across it.
"Sorry." Is all that can fall from his mouth.
"I-" You swallow thickly, still staring at the ground, just shy of the two bodies.
"It's fine. Thank you.”
It's a whisper, and your gut is screaming at you to run as far away as you can from here, mind reeling at the events that unfolded so quickly yet in slow motion all at the same time.
"What are…er, what are are we gonna do now?"
Ben's silence is agonizing, so you take it upon yourself to fill the quiet.
"Maybe we should...part ways."
Caleb immediately repulses at such an idea, and when he looks to Ben once more for concurrence, he's met with the nauseating truth.
"No, not a chance in hell."
You had said it so maybe Benjamin would remove that tape from his tightly pressed lips. You were so numb to the events that you could not offer anything more than a suggestion to leave.
In reality, the disgust that was eating him up inside was the reasoning behind it all. He would never be able to wipe that look you gave him from his memory, as hard as he might try. His subconscious now had complete control of his actions, and it did nothing but render him speechless.
He wanted you to stay, with him. But articulating that after you just watched him kill a man was downright impossible. He wasn't thinking right, and that was his problem.
"y/n,"
Clearing his throat, you finally tear your gaze away from the ground, blinking up at him expectingly, and it's then he catches the glint in your eyes.
"We will take you back to camp, and you will remain in my tent until nightfall. At that time, I will then personally escort you to the camp line, and from there you will do as you wish."
Caleb opens his mouth to protest, but you purse your lips, pulling some hair away from your eyes.
"Yes, Major."
You were nothing but trouble. It was a thought that had crossed your mind while doing much more than mildly inconveniencing these men just trying to do their duties. You landed in the middle of a war, this was no time to laugh or make fast quips to bargain your time.
This whirlwind dream had just really turned into a nightmare, and for all you know, the moment you cross those camp lines, your fate was in the hands of a time you never knew to call your own.
"Now hold on just a fuckin' second."
"I just said-"
"When have you ever known me to listen? I'm the reason we're standin' right here in the first place!"
He shouts, and Ben finally holsters his flintlock, something you take notice of that he hadn't done yet. The blonde grabs his upper arm, not harshly, but enough to tug him away to whisper something in his ear.
"If you're calling me a bitch, you can do that in front of me."
You call, at long last moving away from the officers, all the while brushing runaway tears from your cheeks. It was fair enough, you in the least deserved some name-calling for the unbridled mess you unknowingly just created.
"Nah, but I won't repeat what he said, cause no lady should ever have to hear such a mouth." Caleb shoves him off.
The three of you exchange glances, and finally, you've had enough. The silent scream you release is more-so for yourself versus for effect, fierce enough that your hands ball into fists and your eyes squeeze shut.
"Y'alright?'
After a good moment, you finally nod.
"I had thought maybe it would wake me up because this isn't fun anymore. I hate being here, I hate all of this. Just please. Take me back to camp, and let me pack a fucking bag, and let me leave."
Ben falters, mouth opening then closing, words fighting to his throat but all he can offer is a noise of approval. You cross your arms, shuffling past Ben as you start off towards the shore, leaving the duo standing, jarred.
"I hope you're happy," The brunette snuffs, watching you go for a second.
"Part of this was my fault, but this is all your fault."
Caleb gives him one more shove for good measure, and starts off after you, calling your name, but you make no move to slow your pace.
If he could find his voice, he'd scream just as loud as you.
#sul writes#benjamin tallmadge headcanons#benjamin tallmadge imagine#benjamin tallmadge x reader#turn benjamin tallmadge#benjamin tallmadge#turn amc#amc turn#turn washingtons spies#turn washington's spies#turn: washington's spies#feat#caleb brewster#turn caleb brewster
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Historical older man I fap to
So, I'm an American, but fuck, if a time machine existed, I'd head back to the 1770s and present myself before my historic crush, British General Charles Cornwallis, who famously surrendered to George Washington. I'd surrender to Cornwallis. Sorry George, I just find Corny much hotter. Seriously, look at the guy. That belly. Tight breeches. The artist of this portrait even painted Corny's crotch bulge for our viewing pleasure. I'd suck his imperialist cock and let him invade and colonize my little rebellious ass all day. I can just imagine him sipping a fine cup of tea in the afterglow. Hell yeah. Plus I adore military uniforms from the C18th. British being my favorite. Redcoats just give me a boner. Shit, I sound like a proper Benedict Arnold.
Ok, so on the American side, I confess I'd do Henry Knox too, another chubby cutie.
But back to Cornwallis. He had an interesting life and a successful career, long after losing to Washington, which seems to be the only thing he's remembered for. He became Governor of India, died there in 1805 aged 66 and is buried there in an elaborate tomb. Well Corny, you lost the colonies but at least you outlived GW by a few years. And over 200 years later, here I am fapping to you. Wish I could visit that tomb. As far as men from that era go, he seemed to be a pretty nice guy, judging from the two biographies I've read of him. And his descendants are alive and well to this day.
Also helps that he was portrayed by the extremely fuckable Tom Wilkinson in The Patriot.
Mmm. Rule Britannia.
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as someone who literally learnt eeuu history because of hamilton What's up with mulligan
I pulled out my laptop to type this so sorry for the sporadic autocorrect capitalization lmao
okay so the thing that bothers me about him is that I feel like he's such a random person to include. Hamilton, Laurens, and Lafayette were an established friend group like they were Washington's aides and kinda like the dream team of the fucking continental army you know lmao. like they existed as a trio. mulligan on the other hand as far as im aware was not part of that group at all. he and Hamilton did have a significant relationship like they lived together, he helped Hamilton enroll in university if I remember correctly, and his impact on Hamilton becoming involved in the revolution is really significant, but he just wasn't part of that friend group!! I don't really know anything significant connecting him to Lafayette and Laurens at all
he's such a random person to include and I think there are other people who would have been a better fit. ben tallmadge is the first that comes to mind -- he was also one of washington's aides and he ran the Culper spy ring so you'd still have the spy connection. I don't know if he was at Yorktown (I was going to say he was bc oh he was in the Yorktown episode of turn but the more I think about it I think they gave him Laurens' role bc I remember both the initial anti John Laurens erasure discourse immediately followed by the pushback that people only care bc of Hamilton lol) but I think in terms of fitting into the group of Laurens, Lafayette, and Hamilton, he makes way more sense than mulligan.
otherwise if the spy part in Yorktown was so important, I would rather they have somehow found a way to shoutout James armistead Lafayette. tldr bc idk how well known he is -- he was an enslaved man who escaped his loyalist owner and spied for Washington, he was the only successful (continental at least; I don't remember if the British had any?) spy out of Yorktown, and after the revolution when he was not awarded the freedom he was promised, he and the marquis de Lafayette fought with the us until he was freed, after which he took the last name Lafayette in the other Lafayette's honor. like he was the one who was actually successful!!!! why are we hyping up the flop guy sm
and I think with the James armistead Lafayette point specifically it comes back to something that kind of annoys me about Hamilton in general in like the larger meta of American revolution scholarship and popular media. its a pretty regressive take on the history overall -- a "great man" biopic when the field in general is moving more towards broader narratives and particularly highlighting the experiences of under represented groups (ie women, native Americans, enslaved/formerly enslaved people, loyalists, people outside of Boston lmao) and causes of the break in the relationship between Britain and the colonies beyond the typical sons of liberty style patriotism. so like I really wish that they had taken the opportunities to highlight some of these lesser known experiences when possible. there were a lot of black men in particular who were involved with the continental army and often involved in espionage specifically. like even if they wanted to keep Hercules mulligan so badly, he worked extremely closely with an enslaved man he owned, Cato, who was literally crucial to his spy work because Cato was able to exploit his position as an enslaved person to be less suspicious to the British while acquiring information and it seems so neglectful to exclude him.
anyway yeah that's it lmao
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here’s a little tragic something i wrote about javi p. because i didn’t want to do my homework yet. tw ptsd and mention of blood
it shouldn’t feel the way it does, like a heavy stone in the bottom of his stomach. if life was at all fair, he’d be able to carry it with him like those fucks in washington, with all the swelling pride in their chests and the ability to look people in the eye and tell them about their ‘good work’ with the means to truly believe it. his comes in different, various shapes, but never like that. no, colombia settles on him like a nightmare he’s yet to get over; the heavy cloud that’s about to spill over and drown an unsuspecting town; the wound that’s been infected and left untreated. he used to feel sorry for men like that, but now that he’s one of them he doesn’t feel so sorry. it is a burden brought on by yourself; something you gather by cashing in on american heroism and patriotism only to find somewhere down the road that all the heroes are little more than flag waving liars. even the best of them, with the good intentions, they’re just like him. how many people had he lead to their deaths? could he count them on just one hand, or did he need two?
two. javier remembers. time doesn’t erase things like that. the stone settles at the bottom of his stomach and it reminds him that two of his hands are needed to count the deaths of those he failed. even in the best of situations, blood on your hands is still blood. an eye for an eye though, right? that’s what they tell themselves, those better able to cope with what they’ve done than he is. he wished it worked like that. wished he could understand it like they did, but it wasn’t like that - it wasn’t at all like that.
he remembers a man like him named prew. prewitt. he was a character in a movie he’d seen passingly, in a dream like state that occupies the body in the hours between 2am and 5am. prew was a young kid with too much ambition and too much pride. he wanted for the whole goddamn world and he wanted it honestly, and god only knows that those things never happen like that, no matter how good you are. if you want anything much too badly, life has a way of taking it from you. and so, prew died in a ditch the night of pearl harbor, in the least honest way a person could imagine. he was meant to be a solider but he died a fugitive, a runaway - and for why? just because he wanted to play the game honest when none of the other players wanted to? why could he, javier, see how foolish it was when it was presented like that, but never when it was himself dying in that ditch? why did it feel so honest when it was your own pride chipping away at you? why did being alive feel so tragic, so terrible, still? why could he only count his ten fingers and why’d that goddamn stone get heavier instead of lighter? why couldn’t he just be like the others, rejoicing what he had done and not mopping about what he couldn’t accomplish? why, why, why?
“javier,” mrs. rivera says, a touch of concern in her elderly voice. she grabs his wrist and he looks down at her hand. her fingers are cold and bony like his grandma’s used to be. “are you alright?”
he smiles. “just got caught up thinking,” he mutters. this is how life works now: little pity parties in the middle of the shopping marts. “do you need help with something?”
the concern hasn’t faded from her eyes, he can see, but she moves on with him, understanding better than he that life is unfair and the worst battles can be the mental ones. he reminds her of her late husband, that’s why she had stopped. her husband had went to war a little after they were married, and he had came home just like that, maybe a tad bit worse. "can you grab me that can of soup off the top shelf? i could do it but you’re much taller.”
“sure,” he says, gladly. he is glad. being useful helps. “here you are, mrs. rivera.”
“thank you, javier. you’ve always been a kind young man.”
have i? he thinks as she leaves him in the aisle, standing between the canned goods and the chips.
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hey, I don't usually reach out to artists like this but I want to thank you for those culturally appropriate masa redesigns. I was a fan of his for a while and admittedly always found those designs he made to be extremely questionable (especially the GANESHA designs... if you have to TELL your audience what real-world God the character is supposed to be then you really messed up when designing them). Like you said, it goes to show that he did enough research to know what they were supposed to look like, but chose to go against it and hypersexualize the designs anyway because horny. Your redesigns proved that he not only could have done better from a cultural standpoint but that these characters would have still been beautiful even if they were wearing more than a yard of fabric lol.
Masa has been doing this stuff for a VERY long time and I'm truly surprised that nobody said anything before. I really hope he learns something from this mess but from the way he's been reacting... well, I sort of doubt it.
U dont have to respond to this, its just something i wanted to get off my chest, hope u have a good holiday mate
haha anon thank u so much !!!!!!!!!!!! i rly do appreciate this 😆😆💜💜 [long rant below oops soz anon]
oh yeah i definitely agree !!!! ive always had an issue and been pretty vocal [on insta] about his design choices in general bc…. this is a personal ick but i just hate hornybait art [esp from men] bc 90% of the time it looks uncanny that i dont understand how its hot…. this is especially seen in masas newer art - his clothing is vacuum sucked booby pocket that looks plasticky / nonsensical and the faces r just … yknow ? [doesnt help his woman anatomy hasnt improved much w the boobs being super high 2 the collarbone that it makes everything look off - and i always excused it bc i think it was when he drew the soap lagoon tribute image ? he said how he knows his artstyle is not how it was during onibi series and wishes 2 not return 2 it + the art is not the biggest priority over music which makes sense ! idk his art is always the best when not sexualised [or at least u cannot tell at 1st glance] like his avicii tribute / cappuccino pv or literally anything non human like guns / skulls etc]
edit: i just remembered the existence of patriot balalaika [hate that song sm as a russian immigrant] and i lied that song is the *best* researched song bc there is no sexualisation and it bases it true on the life of a war zone - WHICH FUCKING SUCKS that out of all songs it is that gets proper treatment .... what the fuck i get the dude likes military stuff but boooooooo so uninteresting [props 2 him removing the pv tho !]
im very happy that my redesigns served its purpose !! it was honestly quite easy after looking at multiple pictures + articles / blogs about said topic…. his la catrina is the best one only because it matched a cheap outfit i saw while researching so yknow thats something… his defence 4 ganesha also pretty much confirms what u said w hypersexualisation:
funny thing is during this whole situation i wrote an essay about fetishisation of women in comics 4 uni and he fits all the criteria of that so yay…. go cishet men 🥳🥳/s
i am so sorry anon 4 the long rant 😭😭 i too wish u a happy holiday !!!!!!!!!!!!! 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳
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Hi, disassociation anon here! Ah, it seems when I actually gain some footing in my life, the world around me crumbles😅 Aka, guess who's stuck on the wrong side of the russian-ukrainian war and now has to deal with my abusive brother being violently pro-patriotic and an increased amount of conflicts and abuse going on in the house because of the ideological differences and the economy slowly crumbling around us. My plans to go to a desired uni fell through because of the sanctions, everything is slowly going to shit and half of the essentials are missing from shops, but somehow I'm able to keep my cool despite still planning to go into medicine, which would mean that if things go to shit completely I'll be among the first ones they'll send to die (doctors are technically part of the military here and are immediately summoned in case of a conflict)
Despite all of... Well, that, I only disassociatied like once, and that was for a short two hours! For some reason, this is the time my positive outlook on life, which was lost about 10 years ago, decided to return. Probably as a coping mechanism lmao but not complaining
And how are you doing?)
Hi! Disassociation anon here with an unfortunate update, this one will get heavy✌🏻
Things only keep getting worse and worse - not only in the country, but also in my house. My family, who had already been capital A assholes before complete with racism, homophobia, transphobia as well as shitty abusive personalities have been brainwashed by the propaganda (it's insane, I've literally heard my mother say that genocide is okay, what the fuck). Soooo due to that their violent tendencies have exploded.
In the past two weeks my brother has: come home shaking with rage and screamed that he would kill our mother and then himself by the end of the day (I texted some friends and prepared to run if shit hit the fan), stated that he "should've killed me the first time he pointed a gun at me", has started to regularly attempt to harm me and threaten to hurt me or break my bones, and now he's brought another gun in the house claiming that it "needed maintenance". Ha. As if I can't see through his bullshit. So anyway now I regularly have to worry if my own family member will murder me. Yay!
My mother has gotten even more verbally and physically abusive - hitting him, holding screaming matches and rountinely calling both of us a failure and the reason of her misery.
Worst thing is - I'm stuck. My plan was to lay low until graduation and start working in the summer (since I can't exactly do that with 12 hour school days which drain every bit of energy out of me) to hopefully save up enough to move out in some time, but with the economy crashing looks like that might not happen. So... Any tips for searching jobs or maybe working online? A single dollar can get you quite far with the current state of my country's economy so anything will do but I don't even know where to start. I'm sure I'll be fine (unless my brother goes into a murderous rage and kills me) but if you have any words of support as well that would be greatly appreciated¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Hope you have a nice day, sorry for the depressing ask✌🏻
Hi again, nonnie, and really sorry I took so long to reply.
What you’re going through right now sounds so horrible I honestly don’t have the words, and I have no idea what I could say that could help. I just really hope you’re safe and okay right now. Please remember it’s okay to do anything you need to do to keep yourself safe from your brother and from your family at large.
Unfortunately, when it comes to job searching I don’t have any advice to give :( maybe some of my followers might have some ideas?
Sending the biggest hug and all my love and support your way. I’m really sorry this is happening. I hope things start to look up for you soon and you can take some steps to get yourself out of that house :(
#ask#dissociation anon#current events tw#russian war#abusive brother tw#patriotism tw#abuse tw#war tw#racism tw#homophobia tw#transphobia tw#abusive family#genocide tw#genocide apologism tw#suicide threat#homicide threat#fire weapons tw#death threat#death threat tw#physical abuse tw#verbal abuse tw#emotional abuse tw
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It sort of frustrates me how there seems to be no middle ground around viewing America by Americans. I mean just the general view of the nation as a unifying concept.
On the one hand you have the blinders folks, the ones that think you need to ignore or even lie about all the ways the country has never lived up to it’s potential. The are offended by any hint of the actual history of hypocrisy, corruptions, contradictions, and fractures. To them any questions, doubts, or acknowledgement of flaws is an insult. They wave flags in blind devotion to symbols and myths over reality.
On the other you have the throw it all away crowd. They don’t just acknowledge the many flaws, they only see the flaws. Any wonderful ideals or beautiful concepts are considered so inherently tainted by reality that they are treated as if they aren’t there. That the mythic vision of what might be allows to have a national identity to bind us together matters less than the ways it has never been lived up to. They don’t wave flags, and judge all those that do.
But I dunno why it has to be that way. Why can’t people hold onto both the truth and the dream?
Look, I don’t seem to fit. I acknowledge we have always been a fucked up country, starting with the original hypocrisy of a colonizing genocidal culture run on the power of slavey having an entitled class of males only declaring themselves a nation of champions of freedom. And it’s hardly just history. I’m disgusted as anyone by the current state of things.
But I’m also deeply in love the ideals. There is so much potential, so much it could be, something so beautiful and glowing. Freedom, equality, the rejection of aristocratic bullshit for a form of democracy, and all the rest of words we toss around so freely may seem hollow in light of all the ways they have been compromised to the core, but they are still good words. They are worth fighting for.
I grew up rejecting the idea of patriotism, and yet I am curiously patriotic. I have no faith in my nation as a government, and would happily burn a flag, but I have absolute faith in the ideals that we’ve claimed are it’s backbone and suspect I’d be willing to die for them.
When a house has a hole in it’s roof, rot in it’s floor, plaster crumbling to the floor…well, it would be like home to me, but never mind that…it would be foolish to ignore the problems and simply let the house fall down around your ears. But then it would also be foolish to simply burn down the house and move into a tent on the rubble. Either way you are effectively homeless. What you try to do is work on the house, repairing or replacing where you can, rebuilding where you have to. It’s hard, it may never get done, it’s exhausting, but you have a home.
Generally speaking I primarily consider myself a citizen of the world, a human trapped within a planetary terrarium with all the other critters that evolved here. But I’m also an American, for better or worse, and the myth of it is foundational to my identity. It has a part of my heart that I refuse to surrender because of the failings of the people within it. If they they think a flag matters more than equality, that freedom is centered around only themselves and not others, that a leader must be respected despite not deserving it….well fuck ’em. Or rather fight them.
Sorry, I’m in a frustrated mood. I want to fight for America, not write it off, which effectively abandons it to the rightwing nut jobs. Admittedly it would be easier if I had someone handy (like certain Supreme Court justices) to punch in the face, but violence rarely works out in the real world. It’s an endless, much harder, battle but I suppose just remembering you are making the future better for someone makes it worth it….even if you know you will never live to see it.
**sigh**
Why does the 4th of July have to do this to me every year??
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Whats up and NFL Week 5 Recap
What’s up everyone and welcome to the inaugural blog I’m Johnny Mac this hopes to be the first in a long series of blogs regarding sports and other miscellaneous content but I’ll be honest it’ll just end up being about sports because let’s face it football, college hoops, golf make up well over 75% of my personality and brain. I’m an 18-year-old fresh… I’ll stop there nobody gives a fuck about who I am and where I go to school because in the end your here for the analysis and takes jerk off big media outlets like ESPN are too afraid to give. With all that outta the way lets recap the mother fuckin NFL.
TNF Colts 12 - Broncos 9 If u watched the Thursday night game congrats your now blind in your left eye and there’s a decent chance you have some sort of advanced brain cancer… I’m sorry I don’t make the rules. But if your looking for some people to blame start with Russel Wilson and Matt Ryan who bare striking resemblances to every summer church camp director in America. And no that’s not a compliment. The two combined for 58% pass completion and an astounding 0 touchdown and 4 ints which for those who can’t do math that’s a 0/infinity td int ratio. If you’re looking for a spin zone broncos fan well at least Nathaniel Hackett didn’t blow the game with a boneheaded coaching decision so I guess that’s good.
Pats 29 – Lions 0
Disclaimer I am a die-hard Lions fan (please hold off on your sympathetic comments till the end of the blog)
Holy fuck Dan Campbell you’re a great leader the players in that locker room seem to believe in you but Jesus dude you can’t go for it on every fourth down whether it’s your gut on the analytics speaking sometime you gotta punt especially with that atrocious defense Aaron Glenn is commanding - side note – I am speaking to Aaron Glenn exclusively here – Hey dude might wanna start looking at good realtors in the area because unless you pull something outta your ass Brad Holmes is going to literally throw your ass to the curb himself he’s a big dude I’m sure he can. Here’s an example of a time Campbell kept the offense out there on Sunday. 4th and 1 first drive of the game on his own 45 they called a run play to Williams who got stuffed and gave the pats great field position to start the game. Hey dude maybe idk PUNT THE FUCKING FOOTBALL. And as always Jared Goff fucking blows remember that always remember that. From a Patriots stand point Damien Harris looks like he’s going to be out a while with a hamstring injury but no worries Rhemondre Stevenson can handle the workload fine having over 160 yards on the ground averaging 6.4 yards per carry, Bailey Zappe looks more than capable running the offense till the DUI King Mac Jones comes back.
Giants 27 – Packers 22
Props to Brian Daboll for getting the G-MEN to their last season win total by WEEK 5 that’s some dope shit. Saquon does everything for this team and its awesome having him under center in the wildcat is sick to see after the last few years for him. Packers aren’t the team they’ve been in years past which was demonstrated by them blowing a 10-point lead in the second half.
Also here’s some soft core porn of a giants player getting jerked off during the game https://twitter.com/i/status/1579226487206862848
Titans 21 – Washington 17
Titans fans relax your back in first place in the division and your team just finds ways to win games further proving Mike Vrabel is an awesome coach. Carson Wentz never fails to disappoint as he threw an interception at the goal line to lose the game in the final minutes of the fourth quarter. This feels like a clean house year for the Commanders its hard to see Rivera returning next year along with upper management and Carson Wentz. By far the most memorable thing from this game is Brian Robinson Jr who got shot twice in the leg 6 weeks ago returning to the field and coming out of the tunnel to Many men by 50 cent overall that’s just some bad ass shit from Brian Robinson.
Bills 38 – Steelers 3
This got ugly early and kept getting ugly. Josh Allen and the duo of Gabe Davis And Stefon Diggs abused the steelers secondary throughout the whole game. Kenny Pickett threw for over 300 yards which is cool but the steelers look like a bottom 5 team in the league. A little bit of fantasy implications from this game is that Najee Harris is looking like a bust his snap count and touches have went down from last year and the steelers overall inability to do anything on offense is severely hampering him.
Chargers 30 – Browns 28
Brandon Staley could possibly lose this locker room by the end of the year if he keeps going for it like a psychopath for those who didn’t watch the game he went for it on 4th and 2 at around midfield up 2 with under 2 minutes left and didn’t get it effectively setting up the brown with a really good chance to win the game. But the brown were the Browns, and their kicker missed a 51 yarder to win the game. We are starting to see the limits of Jacoby Brissett as he just gift wrapped an int to the chargers near the goal line in the second half. Looking at the Chargers they seem to be setting themselves up for the same result as last year. Going back to Staley I don’t have a problem with him going for it on fourth down as much as he does as that is his brand essentially but hey man a punt doesn’t hurt here and there.
Texans 13 – Jags 6
Dameon Pierce is living up to the preseason hype he looks great and seems to be the focal point of the offense. Texan finally get a tally in the win column and continue their dominance over the jags over the last few years improving to 9-0 in the last 9 meetings between the two. This is a bad loss for an improved Jags team personally I’m pumping the breaks on the jags hype train.
Vikings 29 – Bears 22
Vikings got out to a huge early lead in this one having a 21-3 lead in the second quarter but the Justin Fields lead Bears clawed back into this one having a chance at a game tying drive in the final minutes of the fourth quarter but due to a Ihmir Smith – Marsette fumble which was recovered by the Vikings those hopes of a comeback were squashed but hey Bears fans you covered the spread ( +7.5) and remember good teams win great teams cover.
Buccaneers 21 – Falcons 15
Idk this game happened only big thing to come outta this is the egregious roughing the passer call that could’ve given the falcons the ball late in the fourth setting them up for a game winning drive. I’ll post the clip of the roughing the passer call below
Jets 40 – Dolphins 17
Teddy “2 gloves “Bridgewater exited this game early and didn’t come back due to a head injury which thrust the 7th round rookie Skylar Thompson into the starting role which severally hindered the dolphins ability to operate on offense. Conversely the Jets looked awesome and that’s 3 wins in a row ever since coach Saleh said he was taking receipts; Zach Wilson is balling out since smoke show model MILF Gisele Bundchen is back on the market… coincidence I think not.
Saints 39 – Seahawks 32
Geno Smith continues to not write back and quite honestly is looking like an upgrade over his predecessor Russel Wilson. The issue is for the seahawks they have one of if not the worst defensive units in football. This game ended up being a shootout which was fun to see on redzone because I don’t really know anyone who would sit down and watch these two teams play right now. Alvin Kamara looked back in form racking up a bunch of scrimmage yards and Taysom Hill reminded us he is one of the weirdest players in the league having 4 total touchdown as a backup QB at this point I’m partially convinced someone is going to give him a contract to be a starter at some point in the next few years. As Berman says “SAINTS GO MARCHING”.
San Fran 37 - Panther 15
Panthers fans however few of you there are congratu – fucking – lations the Matt Rhule era is over and holy shit was it forgettable between staking his career on the likes of Sam Darnold and Baker Mayfield or winning just 1 game when opponents score more than 17 points this dude sucked ass. This was the loss that put him over the edge, and you have Kyle Shanahan who unlike Rhule is a coaching genius to thank. CMC did get a ton of touches this game and showed out as he generally does glad to see somebody figured it out, but Baker still is terrible, but we won’t be seeing him for a few weeks due to an ankle injury so get ready for the PJ Walker show yes PJ Walker the former XFL player. Niner are rolling and look like by far the best team in the division, but the bye week can’t come fast enough for them as the human highlight reel Deebo Samuel, George Kittle are both banged up.
Cowboys 22 – Rams 10
Cooper Rush continues to win games and cover spreads almost entirely due to the Cowboys defense who have been balling the fuck out this year and Dak is getting healthy so things are looking up for Jerry Jones’s squad but not so fast Micah Parsons did get banged up in this one and is questionable for the Sunday night game against the eagles in which the winner will take first place in the division, Dak has an outside shot of playing but with the cowboys continuing to win games no reason to doubt Cooper Rush. Taking a sharp 90 here, the rams are fucking awful this was an embarrassing loss for them in which many had them bouncing back after an embarrassing Monday Night Football loss where they didn’t score a td. Simply put they can’t score at all they can’t move the ball Stafford throws 7-yard slants and stick routes to Kupp and Higbee all game which spoiler alert doesn’t fucking work. The embarrassing part of this loss was that they had to use a silent count in their own stadium its not like they’re a god-awful franchise they just won the god damn super bowl and have to use silent counts at home jeez. Everything seems to be spiraling downhill quickly for the super bowl champs
Eagles 20 – Cardinals 17
Eagles remain undefeated due to Matt Amendola lack of competency when it comes to kicking the football which is his profession I may add. Devonta Smith balled out catching 10 balls on 11 targets for 87 yards which shows how deep this eagle’s team is on offense the cardinals took away AJ Brown holding him to a 3-30 stat line and Smith stepped right up like the Heisman winner he is. The eagles defense looked great, and Hurts looked good as well simply put” Its Sunny in Philadelphia”. Cardinals just fell a bit shy in this one but put up a hell of a fight showing that they can be a good team the Hollywood Brown addition is looking like a great one him and Kyler’s college connection hasn’t missed a beat. D- Hop is coming back soon making this talent loaded team more dangerous but they have to start winning games or else it will be another year where Kliff Kingsbury sitting at home in his massive “look at me I’m rich as fuck and good looking” house.
Ravens 17 – Bengals 16
Throwback AFC north battle a true grit and grind game simply put Justin Tucker proves again to be one of the most valuable players in all of football by acing another game winner at this point I’m wondering what will happen if this guy misses a big kick will the universe collapse in on itself? Will the space time continuum break? Will, he melt like the wicked witch of the west? Who knows but it’s not something we have to worry about cause this dude is fucking aces. Lamar led this team to victory though leading them downfield in the final minutes to set up Tuckets field goal. To the Ravens Gm and owners, I do not know your names but pay the man what he wants because without him you are effectively signing up for a 5-12 season. Admittedly I’ve done a 180 on Lamar I used to be a hater, but this dude just slings the rock to Mark Andrews and runs all over the place like prime Vick. I will say though he did miss a couple deep shots down the field to Duvernay but in the grand scheme of things who cares you just beat a division rival in primetime. The Bengals played well too they are getting away from running the ball as much and letting burrow sling it which is what led them to the super bowl last year, I’m still not panicking if I’m a Bengals fan your team will be fine and in the post season do not worry. If you were to worry though Tee Higgins didn’t play past the first few drives due to an ankle injury, he is huge to the offense and is a great deep threat, but Tyler Boyd should step up nonetheless is Higgins were to miss time.
Chiefs 30 Raiders 29
Lot to cover in this game but first this is what primetime football should be two divisional rivals scoring a fuck ton of points in a game that goes down to the wire. Raiders got out to a 17-point lead here and you could just feel that the chiefs weren’t going to stay down even with how much the zebras wanted them too. Chris Jones was called on a terrible roughing the passer penalty that could’ve very well been a fumble 6 for the big fella and we all love big linemen touchdown just warms our hearts to see. Davante Adams had 2 touchdown and well over 100 yards torching the banged up and inexperienced chiefs secondary. 2 touchdown is normally good enough for a player to lead the stat sheet with but Travis Kelce said hey “ fuck you pal” and had 4 fucking touchdown a career high Mahomes only sees one guy in the red zone and its Kelce who has 7touchdown on the year now. The chiefs offense looked fantastic in the second half firing on all cylinders leading them to a comeback win at home. Down the stretch though Josh McDaniel made a questionable call which ended up costing the raiders the game. He went for 2 to take. A 31-30 lead instead of kicking the extra point to tie it up. This ended up being the difference maker because after the raiders defense got a stop and the offense got the ball back they were forced to score instead of being able to send it to OT. Raiders drop to 1-4 and I do not see them for as bad as their record is they play lots of close games coach McDaniel’s said a few weeks ago that they need to learn how to win, and this game proved just that even though it’s the high-powered chiefs you can’t blow 17 lead points in the NFL. Big game for the Chiefs next week as they welcome the Bills to town in a rematch of the AFC divisional game that was quite simply electric, winner will be crowned top dog in the AFC just give me the over for this game I don’t give a single fuck about what the total is it could be 65 and I would say yep give me the over.
if anyone has made it this long thank you for reading and make sure to check back in I'll be posting week 6 previews and any other shit that catches my eye
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Fixing the Broken (Part 2)
Summary:
People say that time heals all wounds. In your case, time made it worse.
You’ve been married to Chris for five years, but his absence spoke louder than his words. After 5 years of trying, you’ve decided that you’ve had enough, and you left him. But Chris doesn’t want to let you go; he doesn’t want to give up on your marriage.
Would he be able to fix what you consider irretrievably broken
Warnings: some serious Angst, a little bit of language
Word Count: 1,391
Pairing: Chris Evans x reader
A/N: OMG guys! I can’t believe my eyes right now… your reactions are just AMAZING. I am so happy you love it so far. Some of you even asked to be added to the tag list! (I didn’t even have a tag list because I never imagined you would love it so much) But the aim is to please, so I’m adding a tag list. Please let me know in the comments or DM me if you want to be tagged as well.
Love you all ❤️
Prologue , Part 1 , Part 2
Masterlist
“Would 'sorry' have made any difference? Does it ever? It's just a word. One word against a thousand actions.”
- Sarah Ockler
It took him two days. Two days before all hell broke loose. Two days after Carly called you and told you what happened. It broke your heart even more, to hear your sister-in-law telling you how Chris took it. Your first instinct was to go home to see him, not knowing if Chris was okay killed you.
But you knew Chris. You knew what he was going through right now; you’ve seen him in the past taking in bad news. He needed time to be angry, time to process what was happening.
And because you knew him so well, you weren’t surprised when you heard his agitated voice downstairs. You knew how obstinate he could be. You knew he would never accept it was over without confronting you first. You chose to stay at your best friend’s place so that he knew where to find you when he was ready to talk.
You were ready to talk. You had weeks to perfect your pitch. You were going to be composed and calm. You left Chris because it wasn’t working. That didn’t mean Chris was your enemy. He hurt you but deep down, you knew it wasn’t on purpose.
“I need to talk to my wife.”
He was in the living room, your best friend trying to calm him down. There he was, your handsome soon-to-be ex-husband. He was wearing one of his Patriots t-shirts. It made you smile. It brought you back to happier times when you two would watch football matches together in front of the TV, him trying desperately to explain the rules to you.
Your smile vanished when your eyes met. The sadness you saw in Chris’s eyes made you want to run and hug it away. In an ideal world, he would tell you that he loved you, that he’s sorry, and you would come back. But in the world in which you lived, more than often, sorry wasn’t enough.
So, you crossed your arms, trying to gather all the courage you had left.
“Let’s talk,” you said
You gave your best friend a small smile, assuring her that everything will be fine. Deep down, though, you weren’t sure it would be the case.
You sat in the backyard, but none of you two said a word. You tried to look at everything but your husband. The speech you prepared, the reassuring words, everything disappeared. Now that he was close to you, the only thing you wanted to do was be in his arms. Your heart was being treacherous, but your mind also knew your heart wouldn’t be able to handle the next time he will leave for another movie.
“Why?” Chris whispered
You almost didn’t hear him. You wished you didn’t hear him. That small word, that innocent, simple ‘why’ made you feel all sorts of things.
It broke you, and it made you wonder how much hurt your heart could take. But it also made you so angry. Anger you didn’t even know you had in you.
“Why did you leave?” Chris asked again
You gave him a sad smile because you honestly didn’t know what made you take the decision to leave. It was the accumulation of many things, some of them you weren’t ready to share, at least not yet.
“I had to,” you finally said because, in the end, it summarized it all.
Chris looked at you with confused eyes. “You had to ?” he repeated. “What do you mean you had to? You had to leave me without even notifying me?”
You blinked. Apparently, you weren’t the only one with repressed anger.
“Do you know how it feels to come back to an empty home? To hear your sister tell you that your wife left you. How could you be so…”
“So what?” you stood up. “So what, Chris?” You cut him off
He didn’t answer. Instead, he stared at you, and you stared back. It was a silent battle you weren’t ready to lose. You’d lost too much already.
But then he said it, the one thing that made you angrier than you’ve ever been at him.
“Selfish. How could you be so selfish, Y/N.”
You laughed. But it wasn’t a happy one; it was a dry laugh that even scared yourself.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Chris. I’m sorry you had to come back to an empty house. I’m so sorry you had to hear it from Carly. I’m so sorry you had to deal with my selfishness because, of course, it’s all about you.”
There was this voice in your head, telling you to calm down. You started to walk away, trying to compose yourself. This was supposed to be a calm, adult-to-adult conversation. But it echoed in your head, the way he called you selfish, and it didn’t seat well. You walked right back to him. He wanted selfish; you were going to give him selfish.
“You had to come to an empty house once, once, Chris. I had to do it every single fucking night.”
He opened his mouth, but you cut him off again. “Selfish Y/N is not done. I didn’t ask Carly to tell you. Why didn’t you notice I was gone when you first came back? It’s not my fault it takes you one fucking day to realize your wife was gone!” you shouted.
You had trouble catching your breath. You didn’t even notice your tears while you were speaking, and you angrily washed them away.
“I’ve been coming back to an empty house for years, Chris. Two days and you’re done? Now tell me who’s selfish.”
You could read guilt all over Chris’s face. It wasn’t supposed to go that far. This was why you hated confrontations. You preferred to leave things inside because when you expressed your feelings, and they weren’t heard, it pissed you off and made you say things you wished you had kept inside.
You never wanted him to feel guilty. You didn’t leave him for revenge. You left because it didn’t make sense to stay.
“I didn’t know you were feeling … all these things...” Chris said
“Well… I am. You say I’m selfish, but I’m just doing what’s best for us.”
Chris stood up and cupped your face with his hands. “I didn’t mean it… you’re not selfish, Y/N.”
You closed your eyes and enjoyed the contact of his hands. You’d missed it so much.
“We can fix it, baby. It’s us… I love you…” Chris whispered
You were seriously starting to wonder how much breaking your heart could handle.
You looked at his beautiful green eyes. “And I love you, but I can’t do this anymore, Chris. I… I just can’t.”
Chris looked at you, trying to read your eyes. You took a step back, trying to compose yourself once again.
“I’m not giving up on us, Y/N. I took vows, and I’m not breaking them,” Chris said to you.
“Chris, you broke them a long time ago. Can you even remember the last time we’ve been together for more than a month without interruption?” you asked him.
“You knew who you were marrying, Y/N, don’t act as if I didn’t warn you.”
“I married the man I loved, the one I was ready to start a family with. I didn’t marry the busy actor from Hollywood.”
Chris chuckled. “Too bad they’re part of the same package.”
“And yet I only got the actor who seems to be everywhere but with me.”
Chris looked away, reflecting on what you just said.
You finally understood that this conversation was not going to get anywhere. You were both too angry, and the emotions were still too raw. You couldn’t even imagine what would happen if you presented the divorce papers to Chris right now.
“You should go…” you finally said
“Come home with me, Y/N. It’s our home…”
“I can’t. We’ll talk soon, I promise. But not now, we’re not objective right now” you tried to reason with him.
He closed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair. He knew you were right; you would keep hurting each other if you continue talking right now.
“We’re not done. We can save this marriage,” Chris told you before leaving.
You closed your eyes, silent tears rolling down your face. You wished you were as confident as Chris was…
Tag List (tell me in the comments if you want to be tagged)
@90girlgolden , @jennamarieee623 , @spookyparadisesheep , @coffeebooksandfandom , @calirindo @jessyballet , @janeyboo , @killerstyles , @patzammit , @inlovewith3 , @katelyneann , @evatia
#chris evans#chris evans x reader#chris evans x you#chris evans fanfiction#chris evans fic#chris evans fandom#chris evans angst#chris evans imagine#chris evans series#chris evans smut#angst#fluff#chris evans fluff#smut#series#fixing the broken#fixingthebroken#part 2#part 3 coming soon
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Sorry I’m advance but one of my other favorite accounts just reblogged a Tony scene and people are talking about Civil War and how it made them Stan Tony, and how when they watch that movie they hate team cap👀 Then someone was all about how he was sleep deprived and how much pressure he was under and couldn’t understand how people didn’t like Tony because. Someone literally said that when someone says they don’t like Tony in Civil War they say “did you watch the same movie as me.” I’m baffled. Oddly enough someone else said, “he just wants to help everyone.” Sorry for the rant but I think people forget about what the accords are and what it would mean for people. Side note, I hope you’re having a great day/night 😀
No sorry needed!
I feel you man, I do. Honestly, I’ve unfollowed people based on similar posts when I was in especially Done moods, so.
Look on the one hand, the movie would’ve been a narrative failure if everyone was in favor of one side or the other, right? The whole point of the damn thing—besides giving the Mouse overlords more money—was to spark discussion, debate. Which, yeah, we’ll call that the tame description for what actually happened. But just, the thing was meant to split the fanbase so in that regard…winning? Thanks, I guess?
Film is also very obviously subjective, different strokes for different folks, so yeah, ten people can watch a movie and none of them are gonna see the exact same film. Let’s try to remember that this is, in theory anyway, a good thing. I just read a professional film review yesterday where I had the same reaction. What film were you watching, dude? Incidentally his reviewing partner said the same thing.
So honestly, no, they weren’t watching the same film as you or I or anyone else, because everyone brings their own biases and experiences and knowledge and interests into a thing, and that’s always going to flavor how it’s viewed. Again, let’s try to remember that this is good. In theory. Heavy on the theory.
That out of the way? Let’s get into Tony specifically so his uber stans can find this and scream at me on anon as though I just shot RDJ with a nuke.
Oh yeah, he was stressed. Oh, he was sleep deprived. Yeah, I’ve heard that. And that it’s Pepper’s fault, if she hadn’t left the poor baby, if she was there to rein him in, he’d be fine dammit, leave the baby alone!
Here’s the thing. You know who gets a pass on their shit behavior when they’re upset or tired? Actual babies. Actual babies and toddlers, and children, up to a point. Because they actually cannot always help themselves. Their bodies and brains are different, they have not learned better.
When you’re a 50-year-old man who’s supposedly the world’s bestest superhero, who wants, wants to be in charge of protecting the whole world? You need a little more self-control than that. The sleep deprived excuse works if you snap at someone before you’ve had your coffee, not for this. Roseanne Barr didn’t get to blame Ambien for her racism, Tony doesn’t get to handwave CW away because oops, I was tired.
Really? You’re a superhero, dude. Most of your teammates are tired too, that’s part of the gig. If you crash and burn this badly without your afternoon nap, fucking hang up the armor and go back to your billionaire playboy lifestyle.
Speaking of that, sure, right. It’s Pepper’s fault because she left him. Put aside the argument on whether that was justified or not (cough, it was and she should’ve stayed away even though they are adorable together). It’s not Pepper’s job to keep Tony sane. It’s not any partner’s job to do that for anyone. If she wants out, she has a right to that, without Tony going off the rails and blaming it on her. Seriously, he says part of the reason he backed the Accords was to “split the difference” with Pepper.
Dude. You were an asshole and you lost your girl. You destroyed all your suits, turned an emotional and mental corner in IM 3…and then relapsed 4 minutes later I guess because Whedon. Either way, Tony admits himself that he does not want to stop. So instead of doing that, or finding another partner who can accept that, you back an unjust international law that pits you against your team, your supposed friends? Go to therapy, have a pint of ice cream, cry into your pillow, send her more of those strawberries you sent her in IM 2 that she’s allergic to. You don’t go trying to change international law in ways that could ultimately affect millions of people because your girl left you.
Honestly—and thank God they didn’t do this but—the only way the Pepper excuse works in excusing his behavior in any way is if she’d died. Or been severely injured like Happy in IM 3. Still wouldn’t be okay, but, like Quill messing up their chance to stop Thanos because Gamora died, it would’ve been more understandable. Understandable, not excusable, and the way the MCU treats their women as manpain fodder, we’re probably legit lucky we didn’t get this.
As for him wanting to help everyone. He does in fact want that, I think. The problem is that his need to feel like he’s doing that is stronger than his rational mind, or his want to actually help in a constructive way.
Tony is too smart. He’s dumb as hell in many instances, mostly involving people and relationships, but he’s also too smart, and he’s been told for too long that he’s smart, and he’s bought into it. Ultron. Suit of armor around the world, protects the world, no more alien threats. It’s a simple concept on paper that fails in execution. So there are people with dangerous powers. Okay, we’ll make a set of laws to keep them from being dangerous, problem solved. But again, it isn’t.
Tony is not used to problems he cannot solve. He’s a genius, right? He can fix anything. He should be able to fix anything. That’s how he feels. But not everything is zeros and ones and circuits, things that can be fixed mechanically like his armors can. The people he wants to protect are not built that way. But he needs to feel like he’s doing something, because he’s terrified of what happens to the world if he doesn’t. So he creates these simple solutions to complex problems. The suit of armor, the Accords. They sound good in theory, but the problems they’re trying to solve are bigger than they are. And Tony, way back in IM 1, he sat back for years, clueless that his weapons were being used for bad things. He says it to Cap in CW. When he found out what his weapons were being used for, he went in and stopped it. Whether or not he should’ve known that already is a separate issue here. The point here is that when he found out, too late or not, he went in and did something about it.
Tony needs to do something about it. Again, go back to Cap in AoU, Tony’s nightmare sequence. Steve asks Tony why he didn’t save them. Tony’s ultimate nightmare is that he sits back and does nothing, and his inaction causes everyone to die. Which is where you get Ultron. Something he came up with because of what he saw in space in Avengers 1, then doubled down on in AoU. It’s where you get the Accords. Oops, he caused someone to die, he killed Charles Spencer. Must do something about that right now so it doesn’t happen again, and he won’t have to feel this guilt. He should be collaborating with others to come up with solutions (no Bruce in AoU doesn’t count because Bruce was dumb there), or at the very least, taking more time to think through the repercussions of the things he puts out there. But he doesn’t, because he’s got his savior complex that tells him that he alone can and must fix this, and because he’s too dumb to realize how not-smart he is in certain areas.
“We need to be put in check. Whatever form that takes, I’m game.”
Isn’t that what he says in CW, or something very close to it? Whatever form that takes. That’s the issue, right there, whatever form that takes. Realistically, yes, there should be laws regarding people with powers, the same way there are special laws pertaining to people who carry guns, or people who are licensed to fly planes. You have a thing/can do a thing that not everyone else does, so there are regulations pertaining to that thing. Laws change with the times, they always have. Some new technology comes up, eventually there will be laws that regulate it. As there should be, honestly. The issue with the Accords, Steve’s issue with the Accords, was not the basic idea. He says as much. He says that it could work, but there would have to be safeguards. Safeguards that are not in the Accords that Tony wants him to sign.
It's not a matter of oh, fuck the law, there should be no law governing these people, they’re above it. The problem is that the law as it’s presented here is unjust. There’s what, a month between Lagos and Ross coming by to tell them about the Accords? A month is not enough time to properly analyze such a big issue, Especially when you’re reacting out of fear, which is what happened with Lagos. People died because of an Enhanced person, an Avenger, in this case. Lawmakers don’t want that to happen again, they especially don’t want the political shit storm that comes with it. Damn, we look like we were asleep at the switch here, not having anything to throw at this problem earlier. Quick, let’s throw together this thing so no one can say we’re not addressing the problem.
Patriot Act of 2001, anyone? 9/11 happened, the public were rightfully terrified, the US said oh man, these are unprecedented circumstances, we’ve never had this before. Don’t worry though, we’re on this, we’re protecting you. The reality being that that bill simply gave the government too much power, most of it being used against people who were not actually threats, and it’s debatable, to say the very least, whether or not that law helped more than it hurt.
No law is perfect. No law ever will be. It’s not possible. We still have to strive for perfection though, have to aim there so that the laws we get are as close to fair as possible. Tony’s a big deal. If not for his “whatever form that takes” attitude, he might’ve been able to use his influence to pressure lawmakers into coming up with a fairer bill. Hey, I’m me, the public loves me, I will endorse this bill publicly and work on getting the rest of the team to sign, but you need to change this and this and this first, or no deal. Instead, he took the easy way out, the quickest, easiest way for him to feel like he’s atoned for his sins without actually doing anything. Whatever form that takes.
Tony’s not wrong because he backs the creation of a law that addresses these things. He’s wrong because he says himself that he does not care what that law does, specifically, so long as it exists. He’s wrong because he violates said law upteen times during the movie, while preaching to team Cap about what assholes they are for not backing it. He’s wrong because he cares more about feeling as though he’s tackled a problem than he does about taking the time to make sure that the thing he’s proposing is actually a good idea. He’s wrong because of what he does with Bucky, though that’s honestly a separate issue, for the purposes of this discussion.
Anyway, that was longer than I ever wanted it to be. Damn. Next time you see a comment about CW being the reason people stan Tony, just remember there are other people out there who stopped stanning Tony because of that movie. Everyone’s entitled to see a piece of media however they see it, and although the Tony stans are often the loudest, there are plenty of like-minded people out there who share your take on events. Block who you need to, unfollow who you need to, blacklist what you need to, and don’t let them get you down.
Hang in there, and have an awesome day :)
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WWR
Alright y’all a likely final WWR coming at you, you know 3 months late the day of the dreaded s19 premiere. This definitely gets ranty and emotional, if you’re a Gibbs stan scroll the fuck away & don’t send me hate anon. This is bittersweet and it hurts and I’ve been living in denial for months but I needed this little bit of closure before the writer’s absolutely fuck it up in less than 6 hours. I hope you enjoy my emotional ramblings & I’ve absolutely loved writing these for the past two years, i’ll miss it & your reactions to it dearly ❤️
Badass Ellie is allllllways a treat, and protective nick contrasted to her making albeit slightly reckless decisions is top tier. And then followed up by him being impressed as hell??? He’s like damn my girl just did that and I am not turned on, no way, we are working I am not turned on, nope. Nick sitting at Ellie’s desk in the beginning PLS. Feet kicked up feeling mighty comfortable for someone who hates sitting at a desk 👀 only ok with it when it’s Ellie’s, huh Nick? Also I love that he’s sticking with the nonchalant approach like he did when he found her looking up Eastern Europe locations. He knows if he pushes too hard it won’t go well, but he is still concerned for her well-being. Those pieces slowly clicking into place that something isn’t just off- it’s worrisome off. Because while yes he’s still nonchalant he’s a touch more serious this time, ignoring her attempt at a brush off and claiming “he wants answers.” It’s a subtle step up from 18x14, but it’s there. His spidey senses are tingling and he’s getting less and less able to hide his concern for her 🥺 even if he tries to play it off as flirty banter because yes he’s still gd impressed with her moves and even tells Vance as such essentially.
Flash forward to at the stash house and they find the files plus the mini debrief back in the bullpen…I truly am inclined to believe Ellie doesn’t know here. I mean sure she realizes that the timing fits to a certain extent—she was at NSA when this happened, but I don’t think she knows this is the beginning of her end. She’s like “oh they’re selling secrets too” and “my contacts are all gone” like…I just, she seems too casual and not at all on edge. Idk so far I’m just not getting that vibe. She even brushed off McGee with the whole that was ten years ago almost like she didn’t remember it? But then at the same time she did bring up the whole legal vs ethical- she hedged, but she did mention it. She was not super gung-ho about OMG THIS WAS SO UNETHICAL WTF HOW COULD THEY DO THIS so still……..idk lets continue haha
Ok her knowledge of guns is slightly concerning but also Nick finds it concerning AND hot, boy can’t help himself lets be honest. That “damn” that slips out please, so many sirens going off in that head but also you’re just like well fuck talk dirty to me some more babe. Aaaaand here we go, here’s why I know Ellie didn’t know that odette was going to plant that shit right now. “Whoever took them from the NSA’s code-level servers risked a lot more than their career” with a little like duh face from Ellie SCREAMS that she did not, would not, EVER do that. The leak was fabricated by Odette and the fact that it would be planted during this case was all Odette unbeknownst to Ellie. Or why the fuck would Ellie so casually and somewhat judgmentally be like “who TF would leak something like that, man they stupid, committing treason and whatnot.” And Ellie is SHOOK when Vance tells her it was her. Like shook as in, blinks several times, shifts her weight back, glances at McGee with a flash of surprise in her eyes. That body language screeeeeams being caught off guard. If she had leaked those documents and if she had known this was a plant, she wouldn’t be caught off guard. And no matter how well you can try and play the part, that body language is legit. She’s shocked someone would even think about that and oh man, Nick. Nick’s face hurts me (and I know this is just the beginning). Because a man who has always seen himself as the bad egg, the criminal so to speak, the one who would do something shady before any of the others. He is shook and angry that Vance could even consider accusing Ellie of this. And then there’s the genuine concern etched on his face (and I’d know, the screen is currently paused on his face staring at Ellie with a worried furrowed brow and pain clenched in his jaw) because he knows logical Ellie wouldn’t do this but also he knows he’s been seeing little puzzle pieces fall into place of suspicious behavior and this is just one more thing that doesn’t sit right with him- doesn’t fit the woman he’s come to know and love. And while I know he truly believes she didn’t leak the files, I would bet right here he’s concerned about what the fuck she’s gotten herself wrapped up in.
And she continues to be adamantly against this, like Eleanor Raye Bishop would NOT ever leak intel, not as a baby NSA analyst who believed she was doing the right thing always in her role. Never once bringing up questionable ethics, she thought it was the greater good, that little patriot. She’s so adamantly against it and then Vance asks if she was framed, and I think that’s the point where Ellie realizes this is Odette. The word framed all of a sudden clicks it all into place and she picks up it might be “go time” for her. Her glances over at Vance have changed, they’re more cautious, calculating. She hears they’ve been leaked over ten years ago and she knows that she didn’t do it 10 years ago so this very well may be the notice of eviction from Odette. The “we’re coming for you, Agent Bishop” and her little look, oooooh Ellie is fired up. Her switch flipped and she’s now gotta hunker down and defend herself until she can confirm with Odette. Vance doesn’t even let her get a word in to “fight” for her innocence. But the fact that she’s getting sent home pisses her off, she wants to be close to the investigation, know what’s happening, and I’m sure a part of her still resists being dubbed that traitor of the state. Who knows, Odette may have never told her how she would become a disgraced NCIS agent, and this may have pissed Ellie off because her integrity is something she prides herself on. Her line, “I’m not Gibbs […] I’m innocent line” is like a tiny bright spot to chuckle in during this dismal finale. Gibbs hate train right hereeeee
Love that Kasie is immediately on the Ellie defense side, not looking forward to her reaction to Ellie leaving IF they even decide to show us.
Gibbs telling Ellie “sometimes there’s nothing left to be said” when he fucking up and left the team without so much as a goodbye or sorry for committing police brutality like fuck outta here Gibbs. Ellie is CLEARLY vulnerable right now, she’s been accused of leaking classified documents aka committing treason, she’s suspended, she’s on the brink of going on some dumbass undercover op and is begging, pleading, for any sign from you- her boss and father figure- not to do it. That he shows remorse for leaving the team without a word, that he regrets his decision to just disappear on them, that he wishes he hadn’t or he had done it differently. ANY kind of sign to tell her not to go through with what she’s about to go through. Literally any sign, and instead Gibbs gets defensive and bites back that she’s picking the wrong time in her life (LIKE HELLO YOU JUST SAID IT RIGHT THERE IDIOT, SHE’S GOING THROUGH SHIT MAYBE YOU SHOULD FIGURE OUT WHAT IT IS BUT NO YOU’RE WRAPPED UP IN GIBBS LA-LA-LAND AND HAVE SAID FUCK YOU TO YOUR SUPPOSED KIDS), so now Ellie is even more pissed and gets defensive back telling him he doesn’t even know what’s going on in her life and if that’s not a desperate cry for help I don’t know what is. like she is begging you Gibbs to pick up on it and figure it out, begging you to do your job that’s you’re supposedly so good at and save her from going through with this stupid mission. And then Ellie realizes that he stopped caring about them. He’d gotten so wrapped up in what he was doing, he stopped caring about their lives, the problems they were facing, anything. Him *not* realizing something was happening??? This is Gibbs, this is the man that always knows what’s happening before you even know what’s happening. So the words “I’m starting to realize that” hit like a fucking dump truck. He’s too preoccupied with his own boat-making nonsense that he can’t be bothered to have even an inkling of an idea of what’s going on in their lives. And he doesn’t seem to care that he’s dropped them from his life. And that’s when it hits Ellie, he’s never coming back. He’s cut the team out of his life and he doesn’t care. He has no regrets, he can’t even be bothered to have a single regret. And I think that, right there, is when Ellie decides she’s all in. I think there was always a small part of her that was hesitant to go along with odette. Hesitant to just upend her career and her relationships (aka Nick, but we’ll get to this), all of it. But hearing that the man she looked up to even though he’d made some mistakes, the man she viewed as a father, the one person who’d taken a chance on the nerdy analyst long ago, the one constant through all the turmoil she’d had, just left? Just left without a goodbye, without remorse, without even a parting thought for her? That was it for her. Whatever brainwashing Odette had fed her that she’d pushed back against from fully taking over finally broke free. And with it, Ellie grieves, she’s tearing up from knowing what she’s about to lose. Lose the man she viewed as a father, the coworkers that were like a family, the partner she’d found herself loving like she’d never loved before.
Ugh poor hurt Nick, he’s willing to do all the grunt work that he abhors in order to free up McGee so he can save Ellie. Nick knows he doesn’t have the skills and I think that’s killing him even more so. He can’t just do it himself, he has to rely on someone else to clear her name (to which he bumped back to last name in a last ditch attempt to maintain distance and keep some semblance of emotions in check, which is failing miserably), and that is killing the doer we know and love. LOL “so you’re both wrong” this poor man I love him, I can’t wait for the tears that will come from me later 🥲 nick immediately taking Jessica’s help, I love it. He’s like I don’t give AF who will help us but I am clearing this woman’s name if it’s the last thing I do. And then she walks in and he’s frozen. All these emotions running through him and then she’s there?? And she ignores him??? Ignores all of them?? Rushes past and storms up to the director on a suicide mission??? Yeah this is why I said that conversation with Gibbs was her last nail in the coffin. She hadn’t decided to go through with it (hence why she hedged earlier with Vance) and then he went and was a piece of shit so she said the hell with it and went all in. She can’t even bring herself to speak at Nick, barely looks at him, because she knows, she knows if she speaks to him, if he gets a chance to try and talk her down in the heightened emotional state she’s in after talking to Gibbs, she won’t be able to hold it in. She won’t be able to deal with seeing emotionally charged and hurt Nick. So she ignores him and McGee and does what she thinks she has to do. How hard did it have to be for Ellie to tell Vance not to defend her, and that their intel was correct? 🥺🥺 it goes against everything she’s ever stood for and she just went and did it. She hates liars and yet she lied. She loves her country and yet she claimed she committed treason. Her body language once again screams uncomfortable but trying to play it off. She’d nodding and repeating it over and over because she needs to convince herself of the words. They leave a bitter taste in her mouth and she can’t stop it. All she can do is clench her jaw a little tighter and get it over with and convince herself.
Nick is in disbelief, obviously. McGee looks like he’s five seconds from breaking down because his little sister is supposedly a traitor??? Like he can’t believe it. He’s hurt she would do something like this even though he still knows in his gut that it can’t possibly be true. And oh FUCK the part where Nick’s voice cracks asking if Vance fired Ellie. Fuuuuuuuck me. This man’s heart is breaking for what’s happening to Ellie and being completely in the dark about it. Sure they weren’t really clear on what “they” were after The Talk but still. He thought she was open with him. Ever since the jail cell, things had shifted and he thought she’d been honest with him. He’d picked up on those little things, but maybe it was just training or something, NOT committing alleged treason and quitting the one career she loved. Not leaving him in the dark and vanishing without so much as a word. Not that. Because she KNOWS his past, she knows how much shit he’s been through with people in his life leaving without so much as a goodbye. And his voice continues to crack asking about what’s going on because he’s literally in shock. McGee is desperately trying to keep it together, keep some sort of figurehead for the team. Nick is in shambles ok, just like I’m in shambles. He’s adamant she didn’t do it because he KNOWS her. He knows she would never in a million years leak classified intel and now he’s just confused like a lost and kicked puppy. She didn’t DO IT, and she’s not answering her PHONE. He just wants to talk to her, he just wants to know she’s ok, wants to comfort her, wants to convince her to stop and it’ll be alright and he’ll take care of her and he’ll save her because that’s all he wants to do and always has, right? Save her. Save her from everything in this world that could hurt her. Protect her from life’s dangers. Protect her because he can’t bear the thought of losing her. And that all is crumbling down around him. All of it, crashing down like an avalanche, ready to bury him alive in grief and guilt and despair and anger. How am I supposed to TALK to her, he just wants to fucking be with her. He just wants to be there. With her. For the rest of their lives.
Ellie looking at the hat, please. That’s a lifetime of regret packed into one facial expression right there. She’s looking at that hat, the one she cherishes from the moment Gibbs hands it to her, and knows it’ll be the last time she ever sees it again. It’s not something she can take with her, and it’s full of fond memories—most happy, some sad, a few bittersweet—but memories that have made her life whole the past 8 years. And there’s officially no going back, she’s admitted to treason, there’s no way out of that. She’s having to say goodbye to all of her career without saying goodbye to any of them, all of that is wrapped up in that hat. A hat that’s so simple but signifies so much to her. She definitely was not expecting McGee to come out and so her rebuttals to him are exasperated and grasping at straws initially. She tries sarcasm and then she tries to brush it off “it doesn’t matter, it’s done […] I get that, I don’t want to talk about it” when McGee voices that he’s hurt over this and her reputation matters to him. Because he’s like another brother to you dammit Ellie. Yeah he’s grown since he said Ziva was like a sister to him and just stomped on your heart, he didn’t say it then but you’re like a sister to him too Ellie. I love that he fights her on it, and Ellie is like shit I have to come up with something. I don’t think she expected McGee of all people to fight her on this and I’m so glad he did. A little bit of growth because he is not going to see another person he views as family leave him again. And Ellie’s half assed excuses please, all of it is just such BULLSHIT because when they first debriefed she was just like “ethical? Hmmm” nothing more, nothing about being a vigilante and being up in arms over this like she claims she was. Bullshit Ellie, bullshit. And the PARALLELS TO FUCKING GIBBS. THIS IS WHAT YOU DID GIBBS, THIS IS YOU. LOOK WHERE YOU FUCKING PUSHED ELEANOR BISHOP TO STOOP TO. McGee begging her to regret it and Ellie pulls a Gibbs and is like NOPE. WONDER WHERE THE FUCK SHE LEARNED THAT FROM HUH. Gibbs you are singlehandedly responsible for this shit and how Ellie broke Nick’s heart and whatever happens to her on this stupid mission. I’m glad your dumb boat blew up, you deserve it.
“I don’t want protection” because I can’t have you all following me.
“It kills me that I lied to the people I was closest to” not about what you think I’m lying about but what I’ve been hiding. It kills me that I can’t tell you the real reason for this. It kills me.
“It wasn’t years ago for us” McGee rip my heart out please it will hurt less. And Ellie just playing into all of it. Knowing that she needs him and everyone else to hate her and not trust her. Her entire livelihood and backstory rely on them hating her and not following her, believing she’s the enemy and she’s hid these kinds of secrets for so long. Believing she’s a criminal and it was all a farce. She has to play into it. She has to. It’s the only way she will survive, they’ll survive. Odette likely fed her this shit, cut all ties, make sure no one follows, make sure no one is attached, burn all bridges.
Ah and we’re back to pissed Nick. Nick who doesn’t like to be left in the dark ever, let alone when it deals with Bishop. Getting his edgy self being rude to Kasie but Kasie doesn’t even bat an eyelash. She knows Nick is hurting and she reaches out to him, she doesn’t take his tone to heart because she knows. Nick saying he wouldn’t know how she’s doing is just like a knife to the heart. He wants to know, desperately. He once thought he was the person she would go to in times like these but now all he’s getting is radio silence, a cold shoulder, and screened phone calls. He’s in visceral pain from the thought of her going through this alone, pain from everything he once thought true and good being destroyed in a day’s time. And Kasie is shocked that Nick hasn’t spoken to her. If that doesn’t tell you she knows that they are a thing and the gravity of all this, I don’t know what will. Nick should have spoken to her, clearly he wants to, in every other situation he would have already. But Kasie (and Jessica) just realized Ellie is shutting Nick out and that is Not Good.
Back to Gibbs. Fucking asshole he is. McGee comes to you desperate to help his sister, Gibbs’ “daughter” and he goes “I think she’s at a crossroads” ???? Acting like he didn’t fucking encourage her at this so-called crossroads???? Like ???? The fuck???? Her crossroads was painfully obvious when she came to talk to you and YOU basically treated her like you couldn’t care less about her. That you had no clue what she was dealing with in her life and said as much. So yeah, she WAS at a fucking crossroads until you SHOVED her into oncoming traffic and said have a nice fucking life. AND THEN. McGee wants to help her and Gibbs tells him he can’t??? “Not this time” bitch this is YOUR FAULT. YOU COULD HAVE HELPED HER. COULD HAVE TALKED TO HER AT LEAST SOMEWHAT AND YOU DIDN’T. YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T REALIZE SHE WAS SPIRALING AND THAT YOU DIDN’T REGRET LEAVING YOUR SO-CALLED FOUND FAMILY IN THE DUST AND GUESS WHAT. SHE WENT AND PARROTED YOUR WORDS RIGHT BACK AT MCGEE SO FUCK YOU GIBBS.
Ooooh Nick looks lethal, love that look, hate why he has that look though. Lol Nick getting ready to go murder the dude in interrogation because he set up Ellie and he’s just ignoring the fact that she claims she committed treason because he already knows there is literally no way on earth that she did it. And Vance realizing that Nick needs to stand down like fiiiiiiinally someone realized it. Obviously he isn’t gonna listen and poor Nick, this boy has it bad and he’s truly just SO WORRIED for what Ellie is about to do. Because right there, the confirmation that the file was a plant, that was the final puzzle piece falling into its perfect place. Every single thing he questioned, every little moment he’d replayed in his head, it all made sense. And he was so very pissed she hadn’t come to him- and honestly I think part of him is trying to ignore the WHY that’s behind that because he truly wouldn’t be able to think straight if he went there. I think that would be his end, going into the why she didn’t trust him, why she lied, why it hurts him so much. It would be the end, and yet…we’re just beginning here. And of course he knows exactly who is manipulating Ellie, he hadn’t trusted that scum from the start. So of course he goes straight to Odette’s cabin and lays in wait, probably pouring over all the documents and things Ellie did or didn’t leave behind there.
Ellie pulling up in the truck and that heavy sigh? Yeah, she’s still not convinced this is a good idea. She’s running on emotions but that logical part of her (and deep down, her heart, knowing what she’s about to do- who she’s about to cut out of her life) is whispering of how very bad an idea this is. She still has to gather her willpower to get out of that car but when it’s Gibbs calling her? The same Gibbs that basically just kicked her out the door without so much as a wave goodbye? Yeah, the emotion just came rushing back, pushing the logic aside. She claims she can’t tell Nick because no shit if she has to look him in the face and lie and still say goodbye, it’ll kill her. She’s honestly not sure if she can go through with it.
OH we back to a Gibbs hate novel, hold on. “I’M REALLY PROUD OF YOU BISHOP” WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I’M REALLY PROUD YOU’RE THROWING EVERYTHING YOU EVER WORKED FOR AWAY, PUSHING THE ONES YOU LOVE THE MOST OUT OF YOUR LIFE, SACRIFICING YOUR ONE SHOT OF LOVE THAT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE DESERVE THE MOST. I’M SO PROUD OF YOU. Oh fuck OFF Gibbs. “Following your gut” oh shut UP. I just don’t understand this part. I don’t understand it, and I’m trying so hard for it to make sense, for it to be in character. Like does Gibbs have any clue?? I’m sure he recognizes the signs, I’m sure he has an inkling at this point. So how would he be proud? How the FUCK would he say he’s learned some stuff from her. Does he mistakenly trust Odette because of what she did for Ziva? Is he just so self-absorbed he doesn’t completely comprehend what Ellie is doing leaving Nick behind??? And Rule 91 is a load of shit. “When you decide to walk away, don’t look back” how FUCKING STUPID. Like Gibbs of all people, you should understand that is a SHIT rule. You’ve lost the people you loved dearly and you think she should just never look back? Like are you saying this so that Ellie has a clear head for the undercover op? Are you hoping she doesn’t get herself killed by being wrapped up in what she left behind??? What the actual fuck. Stupid ass rule honestly. It’s what you live by Gibbs and look how well that turned out for you. Look at the family you ditched. Nice fucking job.
“It’s done” and “what are you talking about I did everything you asked” ok she’s 100% being manipulated and almost blackmailed somehow. There’s no other explanation. Eleanor Raye Bishop wouldn’t do this shit. Not willingly, not if she knew how much Nick loved her and how much she loved him (which if her words in just a minute are any indication, yeah she had a fucking clue). Odette calling Nick a loose end just SCREAMS how she purposefully fucking chose the moment Ellie and Nick started to get close to decide it was time for Ellie to go undercover. I just KNOW it. She’s a manipulative bitch and there is no limit to the rock bottom she will stoop to.
Ellie knows who she’s talking about and the just look of fuck I have to actually tell him to his face. The doubt and grief and guilt and all of it, flashing across her face as she realizes she has to do this. She has to face this, she has to lie. She has to break his trust (not that she hasn’t already) something SHE made so painstakingly clear she needed from Nick. Nick is rightfully *pissed* I mean who can blame him. Ellie with her, “I have nothing to be sorry for.” I know Ellie is just doing her best to burn bridges, the hesitation and avoidance leading up to this lends itself to no other interpretation. She is going to say anything and everything to make sure Nick does not follow her. Make sure he stays as far away as possible from her. She can’t bear the thought of him getting hurt in some way from all this. Even though he may not get physically hurt, I don’t think she realizes the heart break is going to be worse. The painful part is Nick understands, he understands why she wants to do undercover. He had seen that glimmer in her eye when they were Charlie and Luis, he gets it, he’s been there. And he wishes so desperately he could impress every lesson he’s learned on her right then and there but at the same time he knows it won’t change a thing. He just wishes in vain that their love would change her mind, even if logic wouldn’t, their love surely could. I think Ellie starts to realize just how much Nick can see through her and that’s why she owns up to the fact that Odette planted the files, and also why I believe the leak was all an elaborate hack that Ellie didn’t know about.
Then we get to the even more painful part of Nick giving us a glimpse of his raw heart. The why now with a voice crack and Ellie’s hedge at now wasn’t her choice with her own voice cracking, just is so so so telling. She could lie, she could really work at burning this relationship in a blaze of glory but she doesn’t, she owns up to the fact that she didn’t purposefully choose now (aka right when they were starting to figure things out between them), she’s not pulling the strings. Nick coming back with so you had a choice is like the little 5 year old boy whose dad is walking out on him again and it just HURTS. And at the same time Ellie is also the young, insecure agent right now who just wants to prove herself. She wants to be viewed as “ready” and the man whose opinion she bases way too much of her self-worth in didn’t say he was proud of her until she was upending her career to go on some deep cover op where she ditches everyone important in her life.
“How long?” “Too long.” Yeah ok FUCK ME. They both know exactly what they’re talking about without even saying the actual words. Ellie’s voice cracks once again because of the emotion in Nick’s voice and what he’s implying. It pains her to leave him and what they’re becoming behind. It viscerally hurts her, you can see it on her face. She doesn’t want it to be too long, but she knows it will be. She can’t fathom that he’d stay or wait for her, she doesn’t think she even deserves that.
Tbh it’s so hard to put this all into words. To fully convey to you how angry and hurt I am over this shit. Ellie’s being manipulated and hurt that she has to burn this bridge and push Nick as far away from her as possible. She thinks its her only out and what should be expected of her based off her conversation with Gibbs because then she parrots his exact words back at Nick when he begs, literally begs her to say something after she was willing to leave without saying goodbye (which we know is because she didn’t think she was going to be able to look Nick in the eye and still go through with it all), “sometimes there’s nothing left to be said” like fuck you Gibbs for planting that in her head. There’s PLENTY left to be said. Clearly Nick was not pleased you blew him off Ellie, he wants you to say anything that would make this make sense (we all are tbh) and she says you know my *favorite* line, “I didn’t mean for us to happen.” Nick is all of us with his “something else” because WHAT THE FUCK. This is how I know Ellie was going full throttle with her strategy of pushing Nick away. This was the one thing she could say that would hit hardest for Nick. The man who is insecure about anyone truly loving him and him being a person deserving of a love that “stays” and for Ellie to say she didn’t mean to fall in love and even though they did she’s still going to leave because it was never in the plan, just damn, stab him in the back and twist that knife Ellie. And just like her body language this WHOLE TIME 💀💀💀 she’s just shaking her head because she doesn’t even believe her own words, she doesn’t want to confront this, she doesn’t want to end this. There’s tears in her eyes because everything she’s saying is a lie and it hurts it hurts so damn much but she has to. She’s been manipulated into believing she has to do this, has to say these things. And his body language too, I mean he is tight. He is standing so rigid, hands clasped behind his back because he’s trying to convey openness and vulnerability and it’s so much growth for Nick, so much growth and Ellie is still ripping his heart out and stomping on it. And when she chokes out that goodbye you can hear and feel how final she believes it to be. She doesn’t think he’ll stick around or even want to. In this vein I think she underestimates his love for her here. And if the show goes a different way with it, they’re little bitches. It is in character for Nick to do everything in his power and outside of the rules to find & save Ellie. I will riot if I don’t see unhinged Nick some point early in s19 (I say like I’m going to watch religiously), because that is the only logical reaction to her leaving like this.
The kiss. It’s a beautiful fucking kiss and it’s ruined by context. It’s an emotional kiss, Ellie throws her body behind it, gripping his face with both hands because she doesn’t want to let him go (even though she’s going to), she clutches to this memory like she clutches to his face. Nick’s clenched expression because he doesn’t want to open his heart up to more heartbreak but when he leans into the kiss and gives the kiss back you know he’s a goner. And maybe a part of him doesn’t care because this may be his last memory of her for a long time and he’s going to burn it into his memory too. It’s why he keeps his eyes shut after she’s left for so long, he doesn’t want to open them and the reality of her retreating back be the last thing he sees of Ellie. He wants the kiss to be the last thing, he doesn’t want to face his reality. His hands had even come out from behind his back, reaching out to her subconsciously willing her not to leave. Meanwhile, Ellie opens her eyes for that last kiss on the cheek to get one last long look at Nick, one last look that will hold her over for who knows how long. A look at his vulnerable face, a face she loves. A look that she hopes will keep her warm at night even though she knows she’ll never get it this close to her again because there’s no way in hell that Nick would entertain the thought of them together again after what she’s done. She doesn’t look back because she can’t. She can’t see Nick’s wounded face just standing there, broken or she won’t go. And Nick tries to stand resolute, the anger and pain flashing across his face before he grits his teeth together and *hopefully* resolves to find Odette and kill her I mean save Ellie I mean kill Odette 🙊
Anyways, there’s only a very specific way this entire finale makes sense. And I know Emily’s pregnancy threw it for a loop, but they can still SOMEWHAT fix this. Do I think they will? Hell fucking no. I have zero expectations, in fact negative expectations. I have a feeling what we were supposed to see is Nick going on an absolute swan rampage to find Ellie and clear her name throughout the first couple episodes of s19 and with Emily leaving the show, I’m not sure how they’ll twist this. I can see why they thought this was a fun cliffhanger because it would eventually be resolved and I do believe they would’ve eventually gotten ellick together after Nick found her. But unless Emily comes back at the end of the show, that won’t happen, at least not on screen. And with that I just 🥲 I’m still mad, I’m still broken inside but yeah. I’m a masochist before anything else apparently and so I made myself rewatch and write this out. A bittersweet pissed off adieu to the WWR. maybe one day i’ll find another ship & show that gets this level of meta out of me, but it’s been real ellick, it’s been really real ❤️
#ncis#ellick#wwr#anti gibbs#seriously do not read if you like gibbs#this is your warning and if you send me hate anon for my take after i warned you you're asking for it#6k of 3 months of emotions right here on the day of the premiere#truly bittersweet to say goodbye to the wwr in such a shitty way#if there's even people still reading/following along#thank you ❤️
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This is a very vague plot but I would love to read an Emperor or very powerful WWX fic from you. I enjoy Boashan Sanren’s Emperor!WWX AU and I also love fics where WWX really is powerful and free to kick ass and just wreck shit. I really think your take on these tropes would be an interesting one and enjoyable read for all. Thank you for all the fics and your efforts in the fandom so far. Take care yourself. ☺️
fictional 18th century France in which the entire century is happening at once - part 2
- for part 1 see: ao3 or tumblr -
Wei Wuxian came to Nie Huaisang for advice.
Well, technically, that’s not quite right, Nie Huaisang reflected. Wei Wuxian, when faced with a situation that exceeded even his formidable talents, reverted back to his old ways in times of severe crisis. Namely, he ran back to ask for advice from his adopted family – which by this point consisted only of Jiang Cheng, what with the majority of the Jiangs having perished in the infamous massacre.
(The newspapers had dubbed it “le massacre des lotus”, a poetic way to elide the horrific mess of blood and death and despair that it had actually been.)
Naturally, Jiang Cheng didn’t have any idea what to do with the hot potato he’d been handed, and so he, and Wei Wuxian with him, came to Nie Huaisang, who always knew what to do. Who else did they have to ask?
Sure, Nie Huaisang supposed they could have gone to seek the advice of Lady Jin, formerly Jiang Yanli, Jiang Cheng’s older sister, but luckily Jiang Cheng was self-aware enough to know how much of a political disaster that would have been. Regardless of her personal merits, of which Nie Huaisang was certain there were many, the former young lady Jiang had married into the Jin family, a move that was widely viewed with suspicion.
After all, the spectacle of yet another wealthy noble marrying another wealthy noble in exactly the sort of thing the Revolution and the abolition of noble privileges had been meant to stymie – and this particular marriage especially suspect given that everyone knew that the Jin family’s politics leaned heavily monarchist, having only just barely refrained from becoming émigrés themselves by the thought of the financial advantages they thought they could get following the fall of the Sun King.
For the Jins, the marriage had been a coup, giving them a claim to legitimacy in their new era; for the Jiangs, it was far from being the best move, politically speaking, no matter how much they swore that it was a love match.
It must have been, for the normally astute Jiangs to make such an unforced stumble.
The marriage itself was bad enough, but if Wei Wuxian, grand (if highly unorthodox) hero of the foreign wars, was seen consulting with the Jins, allowing them to influence him…well, it wouldn’t end up good for anyone, except maybe the ones who wanted to overthrow the Revolution and reestablish the rule of the Wen dynasty on the basis of the divine right of kings.
Apparently, chopping off the heads of the last set wasn’t enough to warn the rest of them off.
Fucking émigrés.
At any rate, that was how the whole mess had ended up in Nie Huaisang’s lap.
“I’m not sure what you’re looking at me to tell you,” Nie Huaisang said, idly fanning himself. That wasn’t exactly in fashion either – fans were very much seen as an affectation of the previous political order – but it was garnished with the appropriately patriotic rosette and anyway, everyone knew he liked fans, useless self-indulgent dandy that he was. Good only for throwing parties and keeping an active salon for his own entertainment, albeit one very in vogue and coincidentally very popular with all the famous revolutionary thinkers of their day.
Besides, no one in their right mind was going to claim that Nie Mingjue’s little brother wasn’t sufficiently revolutionary.
“Don’t pull your good-for-nothing stunt with me,” Jiang Cheng said, rolling his eyes at him. “I was there when it all started, remember?”
Jiang Cheng had lucked in to being there when it all started, since unlike many of the other people Nie Huaisang had so carefully invited to his salon, Jiang Cheng had been invited purely on the basis of being an old friend from school. That he’d become a hero of the Revolution instead of being imprisoned and executed after the massacre of his family by the increasingly paranoid and dictatorial Sun King was his own good fortune and hard work, naturally, but he wouldn’t have even known where to start if it hadn’t been for Nie Huaisang and his connections.
“I remember,” Nie Huaisang said. “I also recall that you and Wei Wuxian broke ties long ago, isn’t that right?”
Obviously that little façade had been entirely political.
It would have been awkward for Wei Wuxian, darling of the armies and terror of the continent, inventor of a brand new form of warfare and at least half a dozen new pieces of artillery, to be so closely tied to any one noble family, no matter their history together. It would have led to accusations that the Jiang family was seeking to take advantage of the Revolution to strengthen their own power, no matter how passionate a revolutionary Jiang Cheng was personally - the Jin sect had already started spreading rumors, casting allegations, implications, smears...
Their show of very publicly disowning each other had put an end to that.
“Don’t play dumb,” Jiang Cheng said impatiently, because he knew that Nie Huaisang knew that it was all bullshit, even if the newspapers Nie Huaisang bankrolled pretended to swallow the bait down whole. “Are you going to help us or not?”
“Of course I will,” Nie Huaisang said, rolling his eyes at him. “We’re friends. But because we’re friends, I’m going to tell you flat out that you already know what the choices ahead of you are and you know which one is the best move. What you want is for me provide you with any other options, and I’m not going to be able to do that.”
“This is just insane!” Wei Wuxian exclaimed. He was pacing around the room, face pale and cloak black, as looking dashing as always. Nie Huaisang wanted to get out his paints and force the man to pose for him and maybe a dozen or so of his closest artist friends; it would be stunning. “I can’t – why would they ask me? A few years ago, I was just an artillery captain! Son of a servant and a runaway novitiate!”
“The whole point of the Revolution was to favor merit, not birth,” Nie Huaisang reminded him. “And anyway, who cares that you were an artillery captain back then? You’re a general now. The Lion of Yiling.”
“The Menace of Yiling, the Fiend of the Burial Mounds, the Nightmare of Europe…” Jiang Cheng murmured, recounting some of the less polite versions. Nie Huaisang waved his fan at him – he wasn’t helping.
“Your brother is a general, too,” Wei Wuxian pointed out, a little desperately.
It wouldn’t help him.
“Mm, he is. He’s also nobility of the sword - well, saber - from a line that has existed for generations, even if we did have rather ignoble origins,” Nie Huaisang said. He was not without sympathy for Wei Wuxian’s predicament, but really, some things were obvious. “We all know he’s the incorruptible and all that, but it’d be far too easy for the newspapers - and our enemies - to paint him as having done it all for his own selfish interests. There’s a reason he announced all the way back at the beginning of the wars that he wasn’t interested in political power when he was done, that he’d retired like a modern-day Cincinnatus. Who would have trusted him as commander-in-chief if he hadn’t?”
“Me,” Wei Wuxian grumbled. “Sane people, if they’re thinking straight! Your brother is incorruptible. He doesn’t even like war, even if he’s damn good at it. People should be chomping at the bit to get him to be the one – the one to – !”
“They are,” Nie Huaisang said dryly. “The innocent ones and the ones egged on by the Jin family both. They know the only way to tear down his influence is to get him to make a mistake.”
“And you won’t let him do that,” Jiang Cheng said knowingly.
Nie Huaisang snorted. What did Jiang Cheng know? “I didn’t need to say anything. He was offended on principle by the very thought of it.”
All three of them sighed in unison – Nie Huaisang a little long-suffering, Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian a bit dreamily.
It was a good thing Nie Huaisang had long ago accepted that every young man in France between the ages of twelve and thirty four, at minimum, was at least a little in love with his brother, or else he would have found it all far more aggravating than he did.
“To get back to the point,” Nie Huaisang said a moment later. “There’s simply nothing for it: you have to be the one to take it. No one else will suit half as well as you.”
“Why does someone have to take it at all?” Wei Wuxian demanded. “The principles of the Revolution -”
“Because we can’t function with these endless wars on our borders, as well as within them,” Nie Huaisang said, losing patience, and both Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian scowled, not wanting to accept the truth of what he was saying. “We need a stronger executive than we have right now, simply put. As for the form of that executive, well, the Revolution simply happened so fast that people are refusing to accept it without at least the trappings of the ancient regime - even if it’s not quite the same as the last time around. And as for why you, that’s because you can be trusted to shepherd it, to let it grow to the maturity it requires, and we will not fear you clinging to power when the time comes for it to return.”
Wei Wuxian scrubbed his face. “You trust me too much.”
“Not really,” Nie Huaisang said with a shrug. “You’re upright, moral, selfless…it helps that you’re exclusively interested in men, of course. No heirs means no dynasty.”
They both started spluttering.
“Oh, I’m sorry, had you not realized that yet?” Nie Huaisang barely bothered to hide his smirk behind his fan. “I thought it was obvious. You flirt with women for sport, not profit, and of course there’s your taste in pornography…”
“Back to the subject!” Wei Wuxian shouted, his normally shameless face flushing bright red. “Back to the subject!”
Nie Huaisang snapped his fan shut, making them both jump.
“All right,” he said. “Back to the subject: you have to become emperor, Wei Wuxian, or else someone else will, and they’ll be worse. I’m not saying that you’ll be good at it, or that you’ll enjoy it, or that it won’t end up with you exiled to some island in the middle of the ocean for thirteen years before making a miraculous return to save the country from itself –”
“Oddly specific.”
“Be quiet. What I’m saying is that you have to do it. The army supports you because you’re their darling, the people support you because of your victories in the war, the Jin and the other aristocrats support you because they think they can manipulate you through Jiang Yanli, the Lan and the other members of the Church…well, to be frank, most of them think that you’re a horrible blasphemer, which they think about all of us, but if you agree to let them crown you they’ll get over themselves and endorse you anyway. Even the foreign nations that we’re currently at war against would support your ascension to the position because the greed for power of a single man at least makes sense to them and accords with their understanding of history, as opposed to our Revolution, which is new and makes them afraid of what they might lose if it’s allowed to live. In short: it has to be you.”
Wei Wuxian sat down heavily on the couch. Jiang Cheng went over and put his hand on his shoulder.
After a few moments, he cleared his throat. “What about the rest of them?”
“The rest of them?”
“The other revolutionaries. What will they think? Your brother – he’s one of the most ardent proponents against the institution of the monarchy. How can he be happy with an empire?”
Nie Huaisang went and sat next to Wei Wuxian, pressing a nice pastry into his hand. “You went to the same classes I did, Wei Wuxian. You know that in ancient Rome, the position of Emperor - the imperator power - was originally established in the form of the ‘dictator’,” he said. “A magistrate granted absolute power in extraordinary times, for a limited time, for the purpose of rescuing the Republic.”
The most famous example of which was, of course, Cinncinatus, the man his brother was so often compared to.
He thought Wei Wuxian would be a good example of that selflessness as well.
“I did attend class, and more often than you did,” Wei Wuxian said with an uncalled-for amount of snark. “And I remember very well that in ancient Rome, the institution of the position of Emperor meant the death of the Republic.”
“But not this time,” Nie Huaisang said confidently. “That’s what all our enemies will think, yes, but in truth you’ll be a dictator in the old-fashioned sense of the word: you’ll take the power, you’ll do the work, and then, when the Revolution has progressed enough to continue on its own, you’ll step down. My brother would support something like that. They all would.”
“But what if I don’t step down? What if the power goes to my head and I start to see myself as – as essential?”
“Three things,” Nie Huaisang said. “First, you’re an arrogant piece of work who already sees yourself as essential, and it hasn’t made you go crazy yet. Second, you’re fundamentally lazy and indolent at heart – take it from someone who knows – and while you’re very industrious if you think it’s your duty or the right thing to do, if given a chance to do the right thing by not doing work, you’d jump at the chance.”
Jiang Cheng looked as if he would protest the characterization, but Wei Wuxian nodded. He’d always loudly dreamed of retiring to the countryside to be a farmer or a mad scientist or something, and if Jiang Cheng had always thought he was joking then Nie Huaisang, at least, had not made that mistake. “And the third thing?”
“If you really do end up fucking it up, my brother will turn Baxia on you.”
Jiang Cheng choked, and Wei Wuxian snorted.
“That’s oddly comforting, actually,” he said, and smiled. “Okay. Fine. You’re right – I’m the only one that can do it and do it right. And since that’s the case, I’ll accept: first the position of Consul, and then, as necessary, the position of Emperor. But you have to help me – you, your brother, Jiang Cheng…even Wen Qing. I insist on it; I won’t let her get executed just because of her name.”
“I can work with that, and really, no matter what the Jin say, I don’t think that’ll be a real issue. Having a daughter – well, cousin, but who’s counting – of the former dynasty working for you is a good move,” Nie Huaisang said. “Set her up with something that’s both important and yet non-political so people don’t feel threatened…revitalizing the hospitals and improving public health, maybe. She’d like that; didn’t she always want to be a doctor instead of a princess?”
“Anyone else I should make sure to add in?” Wei Wuxian asked. His eyes were avid and serious, which he rarely was in peacetime; Nie Huaisang looked forward to the day when he could be frivolous and light-hearted again.
Still, it was good to see that he was committed.
“Jin Guangyao is the least objectionable of the Jin family, even if he is a belatedly recognized bastard,” Nie Huaisang said. “He’s more treacherous than a snake, but since we know that, we should be able to manage him appropriately. Put him in charge of the police and the spy network; he’ll do wonders with it.”
And probably end up assassinating his father, but in Nie Huaisang’s opinion that wouldn’t be that bad of a thing either. He resolved not to mention it to the others.
“Jin Zixuan isn’t objectionable,” Jiang Cheng put in.
“No, he’s very pretty,” Nie Huaisang agreed. “Your sister can hang him on her wall as artwork.”
“…he really doesn’t have many other talents, does he?”
“I’m given to understand that he spends money very well,” Nie Huaisang said dryly, and both men winced: as a dandy, Nie Huaisang had the most experience in such things. “You should also take Lan Wangji into your administration.”
“Lan Wangji?” Wei Wuxian’s face was a bit red. “Doesn’t he hate me?”
“After all the polemics he’s written in your favor, you still think he hates you? Just because of your little tussle back at school? Please get over yourself.”
“They’re in the Revolution’s favor, not mine…”
“Actually, no, he’s right,” Jiang Cheng said. “There are definitely some explicitly in your favor, and he wouldn’t do that by mistake - not with how eloquent a writer he is, even if he’s practically a mute in person. But...Nie Huaisang, what role would you put him in? He may be from a family that’s closely affiliated with the Church, but he’s not actually a priest himself – and anyway, if we were going to have to appoint an archbishop to help support us, I’d rather it went to someone like Xiao Xingchen. Everyone likes him.”
“And the fact that Xiao Xingchen is beholden to no one and interested in charitable works to the exclusion of all else is an extra bonus,” Wei Wuxian said, showing that he did, in fact, know some politics underneath his thick-skulled appearance. “But that’s a good point. What role did you have in mind for Lan Wangji?”
“I mean, ideally he’d be Empress,” Nie Huaisang said breezily, and enjoyed seeing Wei Wuxian’s face heat up and Jiang Cheng start spluttering again, “but since that’s at least ten years out, might I suggest appointing him as your chief of staff, and his brother as your foreign minister? That way you can keep Lan Wangji nice and close by, his aura of righteousness and habit of policing everyone around him will help stop the flow of corruption, and it’ll appear as though you’re using him as security against Lan Xichen – nice and distant and not at all corrupt, even as his writings continue to make the populace swoon over you. Jiang Cheng can continue to lead the navy, as he does now, and my brother the army; we can work out peacetime posts for them later on.”
“Hold up,” Wei Wuxian said. “Go back to why he’d be the Empress…? He doesn’t even like me!”
“That’s not the problem with that idea,” Jiang Cheng squawked. “Wei Wuxian..!”
Nie Huaisang went to pour drinks.
His work here was done.
#mdzs#nie huaisang#jiang cheng#wei wuxian#wangxian#briefly#my fic#my fics#belles lettres#okay this is DEFINITELY not the prompt#but I was inspired#also please please please ignore the timeline here#Anonymous
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DANCE, wilson&barnes.
(a/n: this was requested by my friend, maddy! y/n is going to be wearing a dress, but feel free to imagine what you’re wearing! and this one is messy and long as hell..)
– summary : three’s a crowd
– warnings : mentions of cigarettes, curse words, sexual tension, mentions of choking (in a sexual way ofc)
“you’re putting me through what?” you were the last one to arrive at the new compound. “agent y/n, we need you to go undercover with wilson and barnes for the next mission.” sam was leaning against the wall, with bucky next to him. they both had a smug expression plastered on their faces. “but i’m suspended!” you argued. fury only stared at you, waiting for you to surrender.
“fine.” for a split second, you saw bucky smirking even more. you rolled your eyes, not wanting to give him the satisfaction he wanted. “now that you’re all here, listen to my briefing. if you have any questions, ask each other.” sam, being the patriotic man he was, nodded.
“the three of you are going to tokyo. there is a briefcase containing SHIELD's old files, on project BIRDFLIGHT – a machine that could kill anyone with powers, now in the hands of mr. arthurs." fury opened a tan-colored file in front of you. "arthurs... familiar name." you said. "that's because he used to work in galactic science division back in 2012." fury replied, flashbacks filling your head. “oh! the creepy dude?” fury seemed to nod at your question.
you shrugged your body in disgust, as you remembered him. “and that’s where the three of you come in. intel says he’s going to sell the old projects to one of the most wanted man in CIA, his codename is silverparks, but of course – they couldn’t find him.” you knew exactly what was going to happen.
“wilson and barnes will pose as y/n’s business partners, y/n you own a weapon factory somewhere in eastern europe – you get close to him, you handle the files. barnes will take silverparks, wilson will get arthurs.” the three of you nodded in unison. “remember, this is an undercover mission. you can go now, get ready. the jet will be here at 6.”
fury left the room, leaving you with sam and bucky. it had been a while since you saw them, and every time you meet – they will always flirt with you. “so…” sam spoke up first. “it’s good to see you again.” you glared at him. “don’t even start, i’ll break your neck.” he chuckled. “see ya later then baby.” sam winked at you.
“aren’t you going to follow your stupid boyfriend? i need to read arthur’s files.” instead of leaving, he went closer to you. “doll, you haven’t forgive me at all, huh?” bucky raised an eyebrow. “no, and i won’t.” you gritted your teeth. “you had your chance, now fuck off.”
you had history with the winter soldier, it didn’t take long for you to forget him, that was when sam came along – but you didn’t work out because of your agent life. “if i had another chance to wrap my arms around your neck, i’d do it all over again.” you were left flustered and embarrassed by his statement. “oh my god this is going to be a mess.” you muttered to yourself.
the ride to tokyo was painful for you. the boys argued about who was sitting next to you, even if it was only the three of you inside the jet. “i want to sit next to y/n!” sam elbowed his best friend. “no, i’ll be sitting next to y/n.” he barked. “no, sit your ass down somewhere else.” sam added. “boys, you’re both pretty. go sit somewhere else, this jet could fit the entire fucking avengers.” and in the end, none of them sat next to you.
tokyo was one of your favorite places. it. was peaceful, you haven’t visited the city after the blip, so this was your first time being back. “we’re staying at the clint’s old hideout?” sam asked, gaining your attention. “yeah he gave me his key, it’s well kept.” you replied, unlocking the place.
“we’ll be here for 2 days, please don’t trash the place. you both can take clint’s room, i’ll be on the couch.” you announced. “no, no. what kind of person am i to let you sleep on the couch?” sam shook his head. “alright then i’ll sleep with y/n and you can sleep on the couch.” bucky suggested. “like hell i would let that happen!”
“okay how about the three of us just fucking camp out in the living room? is that fair? if i hear you two arguing again, i’m gonna fucking choke you.” you threatened them. “kinky.” sam blurted out. “ugh!” you groaned.
you hated how you were going undercover with the two horniest men as your partners. “just talk to y/n about this, i’m sure they will understand.” “okay.” they were talking but as soon as you stepped out the bathroom with you red velvet dress, their eyes were on you. “whew.” sam whistled, making you shoot glares at him.
“with you looking like that, i wouldn’t mind abandoning the mission and take you out on a date.” bucky was obviously flirting with you – but you didn’t bother to look at him. “shut up, fury’s calling.” you picked up the call and turned it to loud speaker mode. “this is going to be a quick message, but y/n, you’re in charge. don’t fuck this up or i will suspend your ass again.” before anyone could reply, fury ended the call.
“well that was quick.” you walked to the front entrance. “y/n can we talk for a bit?” there was tension in the air and you could smell it. “what do you want? we’re gonna be late.” you were ready to walk out to the car, but he gripped your hand tightly.
the two of you held eye contact, “buck, calm down.” sam said, intervening. “what bucky wanted to say i- is, we should put everything behind. this mission is really important, and if we let our emotions get into this… things are going to be complicated, you used to be our y/n, fun and cheery.” he finished.
“oh really? me getting my emotions involved? tell that to this man in front of me! no really, ask him! and have you seen yourself? your eyes haven’t left me since i walked in to the compound! me? getting my emotions tangled? go fuck yourself.” things were heated.
“are you done?” sam raised an eyebrow. “yes.” you replied, sitting down on the couch. “how do you feel?” sam asked once again. “fine.” you admitted – feeling free of your built up anger. “see, you needed that. we good now?” you took a second to regain your emotions and nodded.
the car ride was silent, you felt bad for bursting out. you finally had the guts to speak up to them. “i’m sorry.” they both didn’t say anything. “the reason why i was an asshole to you both because we didn’t work out-“ “you did date sam?” bucky cut you off. “i thought you knew?” you were as confused as him. “no i didn’t! what the hell man, y/n’s mine!”
“no what, y/n is mine!” sam argued. “you’re both not mad because i blew up on you?” “nah, i’m mad because he dated you!” bucky pouted. “and i’m mad because he dated you too!” and with that, you felt like the old you. the one they used to know.
clubs used to be your things, you thanked god that the deal was going to be held in your type of scenes. it didn’t take long until the three of you arrived at your destination. it wasn’t packed but it was full enough for someone to make a deal unnoticed.
“according to intel, silverparks should be here in an hour, and arthurs in thirty minutes.” bucky said, looking at his phone. “we have 30 minutes to spare.” sam walked to the bar and ordered drinks. “really? we just made up and you want to drink?” you chuckled. “it’s a celebration.” you pulled out a pack of cigarettes, offering sam and bucky.
“pussies.” you shook your head. “hey! i’m not a pussy for taking care of my lungs.” bucky took a shot of his alcohol. “very funny.” the lights were dim and you weren’t able to see their faces clearly. not lying to yourself, you do find them hot.
bucky was staring at you, again. his eyes were filled with lust that you once knew. you smirked and nudged him, “you wanna take your thirst to the dance floor?” teasing bucky was always fun. “i don’t dance y/n, you know that.” “that’s lame, fine. i’m taking sam.”
on the other hand, the man was giddy when you dragged him to the dance floor. the music was loud, encouraging you both to dance. “come on sam, don’t act like you don’t want this!” with that, his hands were already on your body. “30 minutes won’t be enough!” “then make it enough!” you smirked.
the winter soldier stared at you, lust still filling his eyes. you knew he was never one to dance in clubs, but with what you’re doing – he had to step in. sam was all over you but in a blink, he was replaced by someone. his hands were cold and it made your shiver.
you were now in the middle of two men who were going to eat you up anytime soon. sam was always a fun person to hang out with, he was charming and always knew how to make people laugh – but this sam was different. he was controlled by his lust and that made him hotter than usual.
bucky was always shy and a well-kept person, unlike his best friend. it wasn’t publicly known that this man was the definition of A Horny Teenager, but you’ve seen that side.
their eyes were still on you, but before they could do more than just grinding their bodies on you – a familiar face entered the club. “2 o’clock, let’s get him boys.” they stopped their action and went back to character. “after we get this job done, we’ll finish what we started.” you encouraged them. “now, let’s go.”
#marvel imagines#marvel#marvel imagine#bucky barnes#sam wilson#tfatws#the falcon and the winter soldier#bucky imagines#bucky barnes x reader#bucky x reader#marvel oneshot#oneshot#sam wilson x reador#winter soldier#falcon
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