Tumgik
#romantic angst
0kayblue · 2 years
Text
Let’s Go Home
Let’s Go Home 
Fights between friends happen, but sometimes they go a little farther than what they need too. 
Main Character Relations: Billy Hargrove x reader (romantic) Steve Harrington x reader (teeders on lines of romantic and platonic)
Tumblr media
As you sat in the passenger seat of Steve’s car with your arms folded against your chest while your mind remained in a blank red state of anger. You didn’t know what set you off or why right now everything caught up with you and all you could feel was this seething hot rage. You felt like it was pouring out of you like hot lava while Steve ranted about some type of bullshit of being the babysitter. The nanny that never got to save the girl or some shit like that. 
“Don’t get me wrong, I like you kids. You’re all funny and very oddly charming, but just once I would like to go off with people my own age! Keep Nancy out of trouble at least.” 
“One, we aren’t kids anymore, two, you are literally with (Y/N) who is the same age as you!” Dustin’s voice laced with this growing annoyance after still having to argue about this. 
“Yeah, and (Y/N) knows how I feel about her and that this is nothing against her, at all. At all.” You let out an annoyed chuckle at Steve’s half assed reply. “What?” 
“What? Harrington, seriously? Do you think this fucking car is filled with people who can’t tell a toilet from a hole in the damn ground? We all know what this is about, and it’s not because you are the quote on quote babysitter, it’s the fact that you keep throwing yourself at Nancy Wheeler’s feet and she just keeps turning you down.” You glared Steve down while his grip on the steering wheel tightened, his knuckles turning white. 
“It is not about that!” 
“Give it a fucking break! Just admit you still have feelings for her, Jonathan isn’t right in front of her at the moment so her attention isn’t on him so, she’s been entertaining this little fucking fantasy of yours that you just might- might- get back together!” A light gasp of disbelief leaving the peanut gallery of Dustin, Max, and Lucas from the backseat. Max prayed that you would look into the rear view mirror and reach her eyes so you would stop going further past the line you just crossed, but it didn’t happen. Fixing your posture and keeping your eyes trained on Steve you opened your mouth unable to stop what was about to fall out of it, “How can you possibly play this little game with her right now? The fucking audacity of it all! You need to get your head in the fucking game, Harrington!” 
“This isn’t a game! And you are one to talk!” Steve took his eyes off the road and met your icy stare. As if you weren’t carrying on your life like Billy was still alive? As if you didn’t live in this fantasy that Billy just took off regardless of the fact that you watched him die. That everyone in the car didn’t see the mindflayer send that last fatal blow through his chest.
“Me? Me! Last I checked I’m laser focused on trying to keep my friends alive and not trying to reignite a cold damp wet spark that didn’t have that much of a spark to begin with!”
“How do you fucking know? You weren’t in the relationship!” 
“It doesn’t take being present to read the body language of someone who clearly wasn’t as in it as you were!” You needed to stop talking, you wanted to stop talking. The not so hidden truth of the matter was that you were jealous of Nancy, of Steve. Jealous that they were both still alive, that they both had the privilege to run back to each other. Having to face the reality that Billy was truly gone and all you had was a jean jacket that smelt more like you than it did like him. “She can’t give you what you want, Steve! You want someone who loves you as much as you love them and Nancy cannot deliver on that, and you know it! I think that's the saddest thing, you know Nancy won’t be there yet you still are willing to give her the time of day! It is honestly so pathetic just like you.” 
Steve slammed on the brakes and fought back, “Don’t you dare project whatever you had with that jackass onto me and Nance!” Steve put the car in park while the back seat adjusted from the harsh and abrupt stop, too shocked to mutter a word. “You live in your fucking head, (Y/N)! He didn’t just run off somewhere, he’s fucking dead! And he isn’t coming back, so whatever life you’ve made up in your head where you both get that chance to run away and live a perfect little dream underneath the Californian sun isn’t happening!” He paused only for a mere second to take a breath before he delivered his final blow without thinking, “You talk a lot of talk for someone who harbors so much guilt! You said no to him that night, you chose not to go with him so stop punishing me for your choice! Wake the fuck up and smell the god damn roses, (Y/N)!” Tears threatened to come rushing from your eyes even though you knew you deserved that. 
“Enough you two.” Max tried to say as sternly as she possibly could while her voice still wavered. She was cautious and slow as she placed a hand on your shoulder from the middle seat, the sight of her shaking slightly catching in Steve’s peripheral vision causing him to step back and really see what he was looking at when he looked at you. Instead of cheeks flushed with anger and eyes that glared freshly sharpened daggers he saw a shaking, scared, and glassy eyed girl. A girl that seemingly shrunk three sizes too small compared to the once large out bursting emotion you just were. A raging fire that he put out by being unusually cruel. 
Steve’s demeanor softened as he spiraled into regret, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t mean it. (Y/N), I swear-.” He was cut off by the simultaneous slamming of two car doors. 
“Steve, what in the world are you doing?” Robin asked as she approached your window, her voice muffled by the glass. You broke your gaze from Steve, looking straight ahead as you rolled down your window for Robin to peak into the car. 
“Avoiding those.” Lucas was quick to change the subject and point to the faint red and blue of police lights that were definitely coming from the Wheeler’s house. 
“Shit, Ted.” Dustin said while Nancy sent him glare from Steve’s window. “Sorry, but your dad always does this!” 
“He’s old fashioned, came from a different time where I guess the cops were his friends, I don’t know. He just thinks they can help and he doesn’t want to deal with it.” Nancy defended her father even though she really didn’t want to. 
“Where to now then?” Dustin questioned the group, knowing that his place and everyone else’s houses were out of the question due to their involvement in the ‘mall fire’ a year ago. Each place has to be crawling with the cops and feds by now. 
You opened the car door startling Robin slightly as you got out, “Creel’s.” You muttered, “It’s our only option.” 
“The enemy’s base?” Steve raised a brow as you gestured for Robin to get in the car; which she very awkwardly did, afraid to ask questions. 
“Even though I don’t like it, we only need to lay low for a little while, not make any moves.” Nancy entertained the thought seeing where she could go with this. “We also could take the opportunity to dig around some more, find a weak spot.” 
“He can see everything we do there.” Lucas chimed in, wanting to keep Max far away from there.
“Just as he can see everything here. He already has two sets of eyes. Stay or go, we have the same problem.” Dustin made known as you sniffed, getting yourself under control. 
“So it’s decided. Max I’ll see you at Creel’s, keep the music going, I’ll take over driving for Nancy so she can keep the headphones on. Let’s go.” You headed towards the car while Steve watched you from the rear view while letting out a regretful sigh before his gaze fell to his lap, kicking himself for not being able to shut up. Nancy observed the situation before looking to Robin for answers but was greeted with a shrug. 
“Steve.” Nancy rested a hand on his shoulder calling him out from wherever he was lost. His hesitant look to her caused Robin to question what she was seeing. This whole time Steve has been on beat to everything Nancy has done, why was his reaction so slow now? 
“Other Wheeler, let's go! We don’t exactly have time to kill!” You yelled from the driver's side of Nancy’s car as you got in. Nancy pulled away from Steve and with a nod she was gone, and then the headlights were also gone and focused on the front door of the Creel House. 
________________________________
It was a silent drive and somewhat awkward given that you didn’t know anyone in this car as well as you knew the others. Munson, Wheeler, and Erica Sinclair. You used to make the occasional Mary Jane purchase from Munson, but other than that you knew nothing about him besides the things that were practically written on his forehead. Nancy you were never really friends with and it took awhile for Mike to grow on you and Nancy was still growing, but she didn’t seem to care. Erica was your favorite person in the car even though you barely knew each other. You sighed a sigh of relief as you parked the car and turned off the ignition. “All out who’s getting out.” You said as you all got out of the car noting Eddie’s cautiousness. “It’s your best bet right now, Munson.” 
“Eddie.” You looked back at him with a raised eyebrow as the others got out of the car to meet up with the rest of the group that just arrived. “I know you probably don’t want them to know about our business meetings, but you can call me Eddie, (Y/N). This is me just putting that out there.” He managed to get a sly brief smile out of you before you headed towards the house. 
“Come on then, Eddie.” He followed as you headed up the porch stairs and into the house as you pushed open the cracked door with your foot. The rest of the party filed in quickly with flashlights as your eyes met Max, checking up on her. She nodded slightly giving you a thumbs up. 
Lost in a fog of what you considered to be your biggest failures in life you tuned out the bickering and orders. Steve was right, you needed to get out of your head, Max was your priority. Keeping her safe and alive right now was the only thing you needed to concern yourself with. Keeping the closest thing left to a sister alive. You’ve sucked at your job lately and now was the time to pull through, to bring things back to normal. And then you heard it. 
“(Y/N).” Billy called for you from behind. Your head nearly turned a full ninety degrees as you quickly looked behind you. Greeted with the sight of a dark hallway and a cold nothingness. 
“(Y/N)? (Y/N), are you alright?” Steve asked as you let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding. You sniffed before looking him in the eyes, he must’ve weaseled his way by you while you were lost in your train of thought. 
“Fine, Fine. Pay attention.” You sniffed again, rubbing your nose with the back of your hand before looking at Nancy. 
“So we agree; Erica, Dustin, Lucas, and Max dig around in the attic, Robin and I will look into this clock thing a little bit more- possibly rip it apart- and, Eddie, Steve, and (Y/N) will study the spider room.” You tried your best not to groan at the pairing, so you just nodded as you took the flash light that Dustin held out to you. “Above all else, stay safe, cautious, and do not let him in.” Nancy finished as the group exchanged glances before splitting up. 
Climbing up stairs that creaked with each step and felt nearly hallowed out from dry rot you all reached the top of the stairs; while Robin and Nancy remained downstairs dusting off years worth of dust looking for anything that could be illuminated by the nearly dead batteries in the cheap flashlights. You and Max parted ways as Steve and Eddie followed you into the bathroom as you crouched down to the vent you handed the flashlight to Eddie. 
“What’s that?” Eddied said, taking the flashlight illuminating the red smeared on the back of your hand, “Did you get into some paint or something?” 
“You’re bleeding.” Steve said, pushing Eddie aside as he was quick to your side grabbing your hand gently to look at it. 
“It’s okay, I probably scratched it on something somewhere earlier and didn’t notice. I’m not going to die.”
“Yeah, well move, in case spiders are magically attracted to the smell of blood or something.” Steve let go of your hand as he reached into the vent. 
“I think you are thinking of sharks, moron.” You laughed slightly, softening the tension from the fight you both had not only an hour ago. 
“Better safe than sorry.” He pulled out each jar and set them on top of the toilet seat while the three of you just stared at them blankly. 
“So what now?” Eddie said with a raised eyebrow as you reached for a jar, peering into it looking for something. Anything. 
“Nancy said that Vecna feels a kinship to spiders, right? So what if we just,” You screwed open the lid and gently put your fingers in, “Get to know them.” Eddie winced as he watched one crawl up your fingers and into your palm. 
“There is no way that thing should still be alive.” Steve said and your face lit up. 
“Reapply to community college because you are a goddamn genius, Harrington.” Steve started to mockingly laugh, thinking that you were joking as you set the spider on the ground and then stepped on it. The sound of its exoskeleton crunching underneath the sole of your shoe. “I’m serious. I mean it’s a long shot but what if these spiders are like a talisman or something? They obviously mean something so what if we-.” 
“Harm Vecna by harming some of the only things that gave him a sense of belonging?” Eddie cut you off by questioning your train of thought. 
“Bingo, I mean for lack of a better understanding.” 
“Woah, woah, wait. What if this only royally pisses him off. Have you thought about that? Put a bigger target on our backs.” Steve tried to reason with you. 
“I killed one and nothing happened.”
“Maybe because it’s only one, the dude has a whole nest here. Let’s not push it.” 
“Well there is only one way to find out.” You said reaching for another jar. 
__________________________________
“(Y/N).” You stopped dead in your tracks as you heard it again, turning and seeing him standing behind you. Looking just the way he did the night he asked you to finally run away with him and looking down at you like you were the center of his world again. 
“Billy.” You jumped to your feet, your eyes locking with his as a sense of calm washing over you. 
“Let’s go home, now.” 
“What? I can’t leave, we can’t. Not yet, anyways, I mean we’ve still got to save Max, defeat Vecna-.”
“What are you talking about, sweetheart? Are you feeling okay?” Billy approached you with a funny smile as the back of his hand felt your forehead. You flinched at the abrupt and cold touch. “It’s okay, it’ll be okay, just pack what you need and we will worry about the rest later. We've gotta get to the apartment before noon Sunday to make it ours, which means we need to get moving.” You stood there as you felt hands that weren’t his rub up and down your arms. Just like he did. “I’m going to grab some stuff from the fridge while you go grab your stuff.” You let out a breath as you slowly started to laugh a quiet and delirious laugh. You didn’t cut your hand, you are just an idiot. Your nose must’ve started bleeding and you didn’t realize and now you’re stuck. Vecna has you and this is the end of the road.
Maybe it wasn’t, maybe you dreamed all of this. Maybe this was just another nightmare, maybe you were okay. You took a deep breath before shutting your eyes and tried to convince yourself that once you opened them you would be in bed and waking up from a cold sweat. This was just another nightmare that started the way all your nightmares did. Billy begging for you to go- just like you both talked about-  while you told him no. The screaming would commence, you would say things you didn’t mean, and then you’d wake up. Your throat would hurt, you’d take some pills, and go about the rest of your day while you watched him die whenever you weren’t completely occupied. Now, all that was left was to open your eyes and go about your day.
“Billy!” Max howled in pain as your eyes shot open. Your body begins to shake as your legs give out and you fall to the hard floor of StarCourt mall. You didn’t wake up and Vecna has finally taken hold of you and placed you in the most traumatic memory of your life. Forcing you to watch your boyfriend die again. A monster taking the person you held most dear to your heart and destroying him in front of your very eyes. 
“No, no, no.” Your hands covering your ears as you began to cry. Having to be a part of the memory that stained every corner in your mind was too much. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Billy.” You repeated over and over while Max cried for her brother to wake up. 
Letting out a gut wrenching scream as it played on a loop behind you while you tried to hide from it curling up into a ball.
_________________________________
“(Y/N)! Come back, (Y/N)! Come back!” Steve screamed at you, shaking you by your shoulders. 
“Not again, I can’t watch this again, man!” Eddie started to spiral while Steve pleaded with you to come back. The gears in his head turned as he searched for a solution. 
“Eddie! Eddie! I’m going to be right back, keep her on the ground!” Steve raced out of the bathroom and nearly tripped over his own feet as he went down the stairs. 
“Steve?” Nancy and Robin called as they followed him out of the house. Watching him from the porch as he fumbled into the driver's seat of his car, opening the glove box and desperately searching for that cassette that played that song that you always hummed along to whenever it played at Family Video.
_________________________________
“You can make it up to me, y’know.” Billy said, as a cold hand was placed on your back. You uncurled yourself from the ball as you looked at him. Your eyes connected with his as he moved closer to you and his other hand cupped your face as he gingerly traced his thumb over your cheek bone. It wasn’t right, this isn't right. “Do you want to make it up to me?” Your lungs tried to regulate your breathing as you pulled yourself up to sit in front of him. Sniffling as you hung on to every word he said. You felt so weak, so pathetic in front of him. Completely and utterly fooled as you melted into the palm of his hand. You were so lost without him and you’ve missed him so much. Every fiber of your being consumed by not knowing how to grieve his loss. 
“Then take my hand and let’s go home.” A single tear fell from his eye as he stood. Outstretching his hand for you to take.
“Home.” The word falling from your lips hysterically. The word itself sends you into a spiral of anxiety and second guessing.
If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every day 'til eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you
Your gaze broke from Billy as you heard the lyrics that were etched onto your heart. They were almost muffled, but the next desperate plea was not. You turned and faced the sound head on as Steve called for you. Steve, this song, the Family Video. You hummed it and Steve called you a secret sap and then Robin. Robin. She told him to take a page out of your book. And you laughed, a genuine laugh, and you remember that because you laughed about later that night when you thought back on it. 
“Steve. Robin.” 
“(Y/N)!” Steve called again, snapping his fingers in front of your face. An opening presenting itself as you saw silhouettes of Steve, Robin, Nancy, and Eddie. “C’mon wake up now! Don’t make me worry Max! Dammit!” 
“Max.” The Diner, she nearly choked on a fry when you told her that her brother could be quite the dancer when he wanted to be. And your remember the time she confessed she didn’t want an on and off relationship with Lucas, she wanted to be his steady girlfriend and she said she felt stupid for feeling that way. You reassured her that she doesn’t need anybody, but it was okay to want someone who wanted you. 
Billy. Wanting him, needing him. Laying on the hood of his car and staring up at the night sky in your driveway. Just the two of you, a home of your own, you both could just go home. Where they couldn’t follow you and you both could just be. Home. 
“Billy.” You said as you turned away from the opening and to face Billy. 
“(Y/N)!” You were greeted by the low grizzly voice of Vecna as you looked up at him. Quickly crawling backwards, kicking yourself into gear. Before you could pull yourself up though, Vecna had you by the throat and hanging in the air. The air leaving your lungs while the rest of your body felt like it was being set on fire. “I see your guilty conscience and I know your sins. I can get rid of them, I can end your suffering.” 
“Leave. Me. Alone!” 
_________________________________
They watched in terror as your body levitated off of the ground to where your head grazed the ceiling. Your limbs limp and your eyes red and clouded. This felt different to each of them as your arms started to raise to your side and your mouth opened while a gut wrenching scream fell from your agape mouth. They covered their ears to try and drown out the never ending screech of pain.
This was different, this was more terrifying than Max or Nancy. This attack felt personal. One that Steve knew Vecna wasn’t going to give you the chance to get out on your own. Steve uncovered his ears as your head whipped in his direction while an empty face stared him down. Your knees harshly hitting the solid tiled floor as you kneeled in the center of the room, your scream lowering and stopping as this long dry guttural sound left your throat. Steve started to breathe again before he heard the thumps of dropped flashlights hit the floor. 
His attention waived from you to the doorway where Max stood paralyzed along with the other kids. The lights started flickering as the attention from Steve broke and narrowed in on the kids. 
“Follow me.” You said in your voice as the lights began to flicker. “Follow me.” You repeated, but this time not in your own voice but in Billy’s. “Follow me, follow me, follow me.” You repeated over and over as you cycled through your own voice and Billy’s voice while your body slid across the floor and to the doorway. 
Steve began to feel his stomach acid work its way up his throat, ready to throw up whatever was in his stomach. He forced himself to look away knowing that if he watched for much longer he would vomit. His eyes met the toilet and then it hit him and in a last ditch effort he sprang for the toilet and grabbed a jar and with all the force in his body chucked it onto the ground. The glass jar shatters into pieces causing the whole room to grow silent and flinch from the abrupt movement. His eyes locked on the spider that now ran free only momentarily until his foot smashed down onto the spider killing it instantly. 
“The spiders! Kill the spiders!” He strictly instructed as he threw more jars on the ground. As spider after spider escaped from their habitats they were killed before getting to experience a taste of a world that they had been locked away from. 
As Steve reached for the last jar your body was placed back into the air before Vecna had let you go. You began to fall as Steve left the last jar to catch you just in time to keep your tailbone from breaking from the sudden impact of the solid bathroom flooring. 
“(Y/N)! C’mon, c’mon. (Y/N).” He pleaded using two fingers to find a pulse on your neck. “Wake up. Please, wake up.” He pulled your body into his lap as he prayed to feel a heartbeat. 
It was a sudden movement that nearly caused everyone who saw it to jump eight miles back, but you sat up quickly as air filled your lungs and some color started to rush back to your skin. Steve could feel your body shake before your eyes met his and he couldn’t help but to smile as you looked at him with tear filled eyes that were lit up with life. 
Your arms quickly wrapped around him pulling him into a tight hug as you squeezed him. You cried as you desperately clung to him. He returned the embrace as he held you to him and you felt the warmth of his body, the safety that he provided, the comfort of knowing that someone else was there. Something you haven’t felt in such a long time, trust in another person that they had you. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything I said in the car and you are far, far from pathetic.” You nearly whispered it into his ear before resting your head against his collarbone briefly. He felt your grip on his sweatshirt tighten slightly before you regretfully let go of him and tried to get up. 
Steve felt remorse as you let go of him and a chill from the lack of your presence so close to him. It felt dirty but he couldn’t help but to wonder if you ever clung that desperately to Billy. He quickly moved on from the thought though as you clearly struggled and everyone else in the room was too scared to help you. 
“Was it this hard for you guys?” You forced out a light tone as Steve adjusted himself to help you up. The whole room sighed a sigh of relief as you stood up. Max was quick to your side as she wrapped an arm around you to help steady you. 
“Yeah, it takes awhile to get your balance back, but you’ve got it.” Nancy said, “You got it.” 
“Man, after that your next ounce is on me, (Y/N). The pure D&D material you just gave me-.” Eddie cut himself off as Dustin signaled for him to stop talking. “I mean, like, are you alright? That was rough.” 
“I’ll hold you to that, Eddie.” You assured him, “In the meantime I say we get the hell out of the god damned house so we can have a chat. Because the Vecna that I saw wasn't the Vecna that we thought we knew.” 
 A/N: Hey! With ‘As It Was’ sort of gaining some traction and with the new season I got inspired. This takes place before episode nine of season 4. It is shorter and a little different than my past stuff, with that being said this reads a lot more like an actual episode of Stranger Things. I just had to get something out riding this new season high. I just, season 4 is so good and I can NOT wait for the next volume! Also, I added a little touch about someone’s tears that I would love to discuss in more detail, but I’ve gotta go because it is really late. Enjoy! (Also a little Steve gif for a treat) 
Tumblr media
496 notes · View notes
matchesarelit · 4 months
Text
Imagine If You Will...
Attempting to make the most of your stay with your family friends despite the tension that is still lingering after 70 odd years.
This is the *Fluffy* Part 2 an obscenely long time after the other two parts, Fair warning although it gets quite cute, the beginning is a little angsty cause like Ambrose was a dick and needs to apologise so ya know...
P1 -- Angsty p2 
WC: 1.9k
You gathered yourself, walking down the hall before striking your knuckles twice on his door. You were met with silence, yet just as you raised your clenched fist to knock again you heard from behind you;
“Hi”
"Ambrose..."
His name was simply all you could manage, the determination from mere seconds before had dripped away and settled in the grooves of the floor. Turning to meet his eyes, you allowed your arms to drop as dead weight to hang by your sides, every ounce of you tired from the hours of anticipation and dread.
The extended silence that hung in the air between the two of you felt unending, your eyes had all but glazed over in your trance. The sound of his footfalls was what alerted you mere milliseconds before you were crushed in his embrace, his head rested atop your own, tucking you into himself. There was no space, no air between the two of you, it was admittedly a not unwelcome change but it was cast in the shadows of the discussions that had to follow it.
The exhale that tumbled from his lungs turned into hurried kisses along the crown of your head, the small acts of affection wrought a funny familiarity, It had been almost a century since you conceded to yourself that you would never feel it again, and decades since you last allowed yourself to remember it. His embrace still felt the same, hauntingly, jarringly so, as if it was someone else's distant memory not your own that you were experiencing.
Despite the strange looming feelings the interaction was nothing near short, you clung to each other, fisting the clothes beneath splayed hands for near half an hour.
Pulling back you met his eyes, "It's been a while ey?" eyes falling over his form; "How has it been, being trapped inside?" he simply rolled his eyes as his hands sat on your hips, the warmth of his skin calming in the crisp autumn air, not to mention the scent that remained the same despite the decades that have passed. The smell is every memory, every adventure and experience you had shared, every whispered secret and playful scheme.
"Heaven how I missed you!" He gripped your sides tighter as he pulled you closer once again and spun the pair of you on the spot in the snug hallway. A sound, a mix of a quaint giggle and absurd snort erupted from your stomach at the shock of the movement. "Me too 'Ro. Can't say I expected such a warm welcome though..." you allowed your sentence to hang between the pair of you unfinished, knowing he was the only one who could answer the question you didn't ask. Gingerly, he placed you down on your own two feet, keeping one hand on your waist, he assured you were standing steady before he retreated his hand to rub the back of his neck.
His tone was sheepish as he started up again but his eyes never left yours, "I am so sorry, for... everything; for not listening to you or my aunties, for saying such harsh and untrue things to you. It was all lies and bullshit to make myself feel better about my idiotic decisions. I think I knew, back then, how stupid it was I-I just didn't want to admit I was wrong, that I could fall for such a imbecilic scheme." he ran a shaky hand down the length of his face. "I know how horrible the things I said to you were, and I can't imagine how hurt you must have been. I hate that I was so detestable while you were simply trying to help me and the things you were saying- I feel like I didn't even really hear them until you had left. please just know I am trying better these days, to listen to those around me, the people I care about..."
By the conclusion of his apology his posture had shrunken, his shoulders curling over. No matter ow appreciative of his apology you may have been seeing Ambrose shrinking in on himself was not something you could bare to watch so you moved silently to mirror his prior embrace, tucking his head into your chest. "Its okay Ro, I mean I was quite judgy. I could have bee-" he tugged himself away from you carefully before cupping your face in his hands. "No, please. There is nothing that you did, there was no part of this that was your fault and I cannot bare to think of you blaming yourself." His voice was hurried as he rushed through the words, but as he neared the end his voice changed, diminished into a tired whisper "So please, please just... don't." the final word was punctuated with a long kiss to your forehead, a tradition that was missed in the many years that had passed.
"Okay Ro, I won't, and thank you, truly, for your apology." You pull his head downwards so that his forehead rests on your own. "But now, please don't stress okay? We've lost enough time as it is" a sniffled hum did not satisfy as you pulled back, lifting his chin to force his eyes to meet your own as you raised a brow... "Seriously, Ambrose, let us not waste any more time. I forgive you, you daft idiot." Tugging his head down further you placed a kiss of your own to his forehead before stepping back. Clutching his hand in your own you tugged him towards his room eager to catch up on the years in-between.
Crashing onto the all too familiar cushions that lay always strewn across the floor, you struggled to pull your gaze from his form. In spite of spending over seventy years apart every spot and feature of his room remained the same, the only notable change lay in his presence, even while reclining in his own space he seemed to recede within himself. And yet reiterating your prior reassurance would surely be futile in the way of making him feel any more comfortable so you simply settled on acting as normal as you could manage.
"So... how is the coven fairing? I've heard your cousin is just as much trouble as we were in our day."
"Pssh, she is much worse than we could manage, but her intentions are better than ours were, much less trouble for troubles sake."
"Damn. speaking of trouble who took over after your uncle?" A dramatic and yet genuinely sour look came over his features as he spat out "Faustus Blackwood" as if the name itself was poisonous.
Your brows knitted together as did your lips as you pouted out an "Ew" Considering for a moment your next words were spoken in disbelief "Such a decision is inconceivable, what the what?"
"I agree my dear and yet..." his words trailed off for a moment before his enigmatic grin covered his face as it often did and he continued; "That was, of course, until Auntie Zelda took his position." His chest had puffed out at this point, clearly joyous to share the news. Your face was overtaken itself in a swarm of joy and outrage as you shot up from your seat as if determined to interrogate why Zelda had left that piece of major news out of your earlier conversation, this reaction of course only cause Ambrose's smile to grow impossibly wider.
A playful glare soon latched onto your features as you all but launched yourself into his arms, muttering out all sorts of childish insults in frustration as you pinched his cheeks, ending with a simple jibe of "Way to bury the lead Ro!"
Settling yourself on bringing the topic up later with the other Spellmans present you relented and tangled yourself alongside his limbs as you had done countless times, before you enquired instead as to his excursions after his house arrest had been lifted, at which point you were happily regaled with tales of dates, studies and adventures alongside his trouble-surrounded cousin.
Within what felt like a few moments, night had fallen and with it came the squealing of brakes and the scattering of gravel. Releasing a chuckle, you rose to your feet, lazily tugging Ambrose from the cushions and to your side as you started towards the foyer.
Only releasing his hand as you reached to tug open the door, glancing past the towering figure to the haphazardly parked car out front, you simply scoffed and cocked your head to the side. now looking up at the man if front of you as if confused by his lack of movement. Rocking back and forth on your heels you raised a mocking brow in his direction before jerking your head backwards into the house, all but inviting him in. Emphasis on the 'all but' as he remained stuck on the other side of the threshold. Sparing a glance to your side, you spotted Ambrose, his brows furrowed and his genuine confusion obvious as he looked between yourself and the blonde at the door.
Yet despite your gaze remaining on Ambrose you caught the briefest mutter of "bloody fuck" from the vamp, and turned your attention to him once again. "Well Spike, how was the casino? Lose all of our money already?"
An offended scoff fell from his lips as he fired back; "Course not love, Don't you trust me? Now come on, let's go inside ey?" drawing your face into a pinched expression you gazed to the sky in another bout of mocking consideration, you leave him hanging for an extended moment, until the sounds of the sisters entering the space drew all of your intention, apart from Ambrose who remained studying Spike who in turn met his gaze with a cocky wink.
It was almost laughable how fast the vampire's cocky and frustrated expression morphed into one of innocence as he greeted the women with flattery and kindness. It was just as you thought, the big softie was capable of not being a dick when it suited him best. Yet as soon as Hilda had invited him inside his smile briefly twisted into yet another one of his cockiest smirks as he shouldered past you.
"So you travel with our little one?"
"Yes, I am glad to say I do. And may I say thank you for lettin' me in. Someone was enjoying keeping me out in the cold."
"Troublesome as ever, I'm truthfully not surprised with all the chaos these two used to get into." Zelda mused as Hilda hummed in agreement;
"Always so cheeky these two"
Sharing a look with the man at your side as you rolled your eyes, you knocked your shoulder with his as you followed the other three from the door. Unsurprisingly Spike was arm in arm, flanked by both of the witches and that was pretty much how it remained from then on for the rest of the night as he regaled the women with adventures and stories of your travels, only pausing on occasion for your input as you lay, head resting on the shoulder of your old friend.
At that moment it felt as if no time had passed at all, and for tonight at least you wanted it to stay that way; complex feelings, bruised egos and ancient scars were an issue for tomorrow.
14 notes · View notes
xinambercladx · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
Heeeeeeeeyyyy there, Cowboy. This is a completely self indulgent fanart. Yenem knows exactly what she's doing and it's driving Bane up a wall. This isn't an illustration of any scene in particular (yet), but it captures their dynamic quite accurately. Yenem is an OC from my fanfiction titled "Figment". Click here to read. ----- What inspired this? @Mihxk_o_o illustrated this same scene. I came across it on instagram and had render with with Bane and Yenem. I make no claims on the pose and paneling, that's all Mihxk_o_o. I'm not making any money on this anyway. This is purely for the fandom-ness. Check out @mihxk_o_o's instagram and original post. <- click!
----------------------------
xInAmberCladx's Fanart Archive <- click
104 notes · View notes
uniasus · 23 days
Text
fic rec! BBC Merlin AU. 48K
Summary: When Merlin proposes to his sister, Arthur knows nothing will ever be the same between them, and he can live with that. He won't be happy about it, but even if he's loved Merlin for years, he's not going to stand up at their wedding shouting, "I object," not when it won't do him any good.
Comments: If you're looking for romantic angst, look no further than this. There isn't anyone who isn't hurt by this mess (well, maybe Gwen, but she's certainly shocked!) and it comes in a bunch of shapes. Jealously and loss and pining and betrayal and a whole, whole bunch of stuff. Things are so messy at one point, Merlin moves in with Uther because that's the best option.
There's so much here to love, if you love the pain. There's like, no fluff. Well. Maybe the last 500 words.
3 notes · View notes
um-soybean · 2 years
Text
Taken!crush x reader
Note: so uhm this may be more of a self-insert- I was in a mood and I just needed to write mostly what I was feeling. But desperate writer me decided to use it as another excuse to make more x reader content 👍 it's relatively general (I think) so I think you could possibly twist it to your liking or your experience?
Warning: violent descriptions of heartbreak (like stabbing, knife stuff, a tearing), tiniest hint at anxiety/overthinking, basically just a vent, extreme amount of guilt, gender neutral crush, reader, and crush’s s/o, body insecurity, mention of being cursed (if anything else needs to be added let me know)
You could feel the burden on your shoulders. The small glimpses at them didn’t benefit at all either.
The way their face was shaped into the one you had grown to love. The one you had grown to hate yourself for and burden the suffering and guilt for instead.
The way they held each other had your stomach twisting this way and that. The way you longed for them, that one person you’ve only felt this way for, stuck a knife through your chest and turning it this way and that to create a large wedge.
To tear your heart between trying to believe one day it’ll happen and losing hope and just wishing you didn’t have to look at them for the rest of your life.
You tried hard to believe it. Tried so hard to convince yourself otherwise. In the end, nothing happens, because no matter how much you try, you feel so weak. Weaker every day with the pain. In the end, it was your fault for falling for them. In the end, it was all pointless, it was all futile.
The gentle eyes they placed on you never helped either. The way they would stare back at you, unknowing of the torture they put you through, the one they were putting you through constantly.
Loving them hurt the most. Watching them look so lovingly without you. Watching them stab you again and again as you fell apart all over again, every day.
You couldn't help but stare. Couldn't help it when you heard of them being near. Couldn't help seeking them.
You wished it to be all over. Whether it be your existence or your heart's existence you didn't know. All you knew is that you couldn't handle it.
As you lay in bed. The darkness resting around you and the soft noises of rain tapping on your window, almost begging to be let in and join in with the tears escaping their confinement behind your eyes.
You practically plead, plead to anyone who will listen. You want it to be over. You want to stop feeling so heavy with something that's only supposed to exist in your head. The same one that keeps you on edge with every movement.
Why couldn't it be you? With all this hurt you deserve this, right? You feel the lights dim behind your eyes at the thought of them.
Can feel the discomfort bubble in your stomach like thick black ooze ready to suffocate you once more.
None of this helped with the fact you wanted to rip and tear yourself apart for not being good enough. Not being pretty enough. Body not aligned enough into their interest.
You tried to deny it. Tried to move on. Tried to ignore it. Tried to escape, but each futile attempt lead you to the same place. Crying behind closed doors and hurting as you smiled through the day just as everyone expected you to.
And so you ask yourself. What will it take? When will it end? Why won't it end? Why them and not another? Why were your cursed to feel this way? So many questions swirling within you. So many what-ifs failing to be fought off by your moral compass.
You hope it'll be ok.
59 notes · View notes
waldensblog · 1 year
Link
Romantic Angst “Romance isn't always bright lights, rainbows, and a warm cup of coffee. You enjoy pain and anguish not because you're a fan of it (entirely), but because letting angst consume you lets you see the light. You're very detailed-oriented as a person, and you like to prolong agony because you want to conclude few theories that you see. Slow build, slow burn, pining are the things you associate as your likes or as a person in general.”
*sighs* yeah
5 notes · View notes
larilikeslemons · 1 year
Text
Sometimes i really dunno what to do…
I wanna tell my bf that i love and care about him and give him space, but sometimes i just want him to be with me instead of his friends, just so i can talk with him more than 30 minutes per day…
I dunno if i should ask for more attention, only because he’s popular and i just have him…is it okay to ask or does it sound too clingy and selfish?
2 notes · View notes
savebatsfromscratch · 2 years
Text
Day 9 - Failings of a Frozen Heart
Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/42287235
-
Summary: A Lorelei centric romantic angst fic. I don’t know what else to say about it.
-
Note: Yes I’m whumping genocidal characters, who’s gonna stop me???  
I listened to the same song I did while writing day 7. I love that edit, it’s so good for emotional whump. It’s mind numbing and you can just WRITE. (“C418 - Aria Math, but your Minecraft world is ending around you,” by Tumble40 on Youtube.)
Cws and Tws: Romantic rejection and confusion
Words: 633 (Dude it’s so short but I am SO PROUD OF IT.)
Prompt: THE VERY NOISY NIGHT | Sleeping in Shifts | Tossing and Turning | Caught in a Storm
-
Chapter text (under cut):
Lorelei lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling of the cave as the wind whistled outside. Beside her was Lance, but though he was pretending to sleep (his breath coming and going in soft regular intervals) Lorelei could tell he was awake. Maybe there was something about the way he was posed that gave him away (because he was certainly a good actor in his breathing), and maybe there wasn’t, but either way Lorelei could tell that he wasn’t sleeping.
She sighed (a bit more heavily than she had intended to) and rolled over onto her side. There was an odd distance between her and Lance (both physically and not). That morning, Lance had confessed his love to her, and instead of reciprocating, or even just turning him down, she had simply run away. Later that day, when Agatha had called the three of them together (Bruno wasn’t invited to their planning meetings), they had been forced into the same room.
Lance tried to act like nothing had happened, but it was clear something was bugging him and the meeting had to end early. Lorelei wouldn’t have admitted it to him, but she had been secretly just as glad to be away from him again. She wasn’t scared of him (even if she logicly should be), she certainly wasn’t uncomfortable around him (at least not usually), but someone  about being near him was making her feel odd.
Being near this man, this man who she had known for so long (this man who she had spent the last two years conspiring with), was now awkward and odd. It was like the ice that surrounded her heart was cracking. Melting away with the realization of the feelings that had been frozen like a forgotten society in permafrost. 
She did love him. She really did. (And she had to wonder if she always had.) She rolled back onto her back, allowing her eyes to trace over Lance’s ‘sleeping’ form. He was nice (or at least he was nice if you fell into his image of an ace trainer), and he was as strong as he was in battle just by himself. Besides, it wasn’t every day that you met someone with a similar ideology to you when you were like him.
Lorelei let her mind drift back to the rushing wind that swiped past the cave door, occasionally backing it’s way past the wall that her Dewgong and his Dragonite made and stabbing right through her bones. She wished she was back at home, in the warm air of Four Island (or the chill of the ice caves that she had grown up with).
To be honest, Lorelei wished she was anywhere but here, with her heart (which had been frozen for so long) finally cracking under the warm gaze of her friend. But even though such a thing should have made her feel like she was finally close to someone, it only left the fire (melting the cold walls of her heart) begging for more kindling.
She found herself crying, even though the cold wind threatened to freeze her tears on her cheeks. She shouldn’t have run away. She should just tell him she loved him. There were so many things that she should do or should have done, but Lorelei could already tell that she wasn’t going to be able to do any of them.
It just wasn’t the type of person she was. Even if her heart was thawing, she was so used to just letting it freeze over again that there was no way she would change now. The wind whistled outside and her Dewgong made a small noise in it’s sleep.
And she felt just as small. 
Her frozen heart was failing her, in more ways than one.
End of chapter notes: Ignore that I literally forgot to post this lol.
6 notes · View notes
Text
For Lyd Wren the songbird that sings their way into my heart every time they smile,
Do you have any idea how perfect you are? You are beautiful. You are starlight, moonlight, but never sunlight, for when I look at you, I never want to squint or shield my eyes. When I look to the moon and stars, all I want to do is embrace them, fully and wholly, almost overwhelmed by their majesty. This is how I feel about you. Your brain is full of knowledge the ancient kings would rival at. And yet, somehow, you still have room in your soul to be kind. I would say you are angelic, but you are no angel. You have crawled through Hell, and you have the scars to prove it (I want to trace those scars, over and over, if you’d let me). And you are no demon, no imp created to be ruled over. You are a true prince of Hell, more intelligent and beautiful and hardened than any other spawn of God.
How many different ways can I say "I love you"? I think that, if my voice didn't give out before, it would take me a hundred thousand years to explain all the ways you make the universe implode around me when we meet eyes.
4 notes · View notes
0kayblue · 1 year
Text
Do You Still Love Me?
Do You Still Love Me? 
A cozy little cabin is where you find a typewriter and relief. 
(Part I) (Part III) 
Main character relations: Leon Kennedy x reader 
Word Count: 4k (a little over) 
More suffocating angst. Hurt with no real comfort. 
A/N: Y’all twisted my arm and I have lost sleep over this. It is very hard to go to work with only four hours of sleep. Regardless though, thank you for your praise on ‘Do You Still Love Him?’ My heart reaches out to all of you and I hope you enjoy! <3 Also this was all completely uploaded on my phone so please forgive my errors!! @xpipixd @ovrparty @azznina @dargoww
Tumblr media
Leon's legs were growing increasingly heavy as he ran. The ground was reduced to a thick mud that tried to adhere his feet to it. 
“Leon! Cabin!” You yelled right on his tail as you pointed to the shabby nearly dry rotted small log cabin. Both of you nearly out of ammo and at your wits end as a group of zombie cultists weren’t too far behind you. 
“Right!” That final bubble of adrenal bursting sends a chill wave through his blood stream as he pushes onward. His side makes rough contact with a surprisingly sturdy door, forcing it open. “Quick!” He nearly chokes on the word as he ushers you in. Fear starts to settle as it works its way up his throat. 
As you make your way into the cabin you make a beeline to the window adjacent to the door. Searching for something to put in front of it. He slams the door shut and you muster all the strength you have to push a disregarded book shelf in front of it. You glance around the room and see a dresser towards the center of the room, “Leon, block the door with that!” Your words come out quick, and stiff, and a little bitchy; but they make him move. 
With your task complete you see a disregarded table with a typewriter on it and go to pull it off while beginning to catch your breath. Your head starts to feel fuzzy as you gasp for breath. You weren’t a full time field agent and it is becoming more present with each passing second why you weren’t. This shit terrified you and stuck to your core like black tar. 
“Give me that.” He pulled you away from your train of thought as he took the heavy and oddly shaped typewriter from your hands. You couldn’t form a word of protest as much as you wanted too. You just put your attention back on the table as you flipped it up and pushed against the only other visible window in the one room cabin. You moved over to start grabbing the chairs to put against the table as reinforcements; but Leon just raised a hand telling you not to make any more movements. He easily picked them up and did what you set out to do. 
Once he was done he just stared at them, his back to you. Now that he was done running, now that he was somewhere hidden, now that you were out of the direct path of harm's deathly clutches; rage finally began to settle in his system. His blood boiling as his hands clenched into fist and his shoulders began to shake with an unbridled rage. “What are you doing here?” He asked slowly, his tone cold and unforgiving. 
“Helping.” A one word answer that didn’t satisfy him or yourself. Truth be told you were frightened to say more; in all the years that you have known Leon you have never seen him this enraged. You have never felt this heat of anger off of him until now. 
He couldn’t help but laugh, “Helping?” He turned to you, “I didn’t want your help. I said no.” He started to approach you, the sound of his heavy footsteps imprinting themselves in your mind. “I gave that husband of yours one job. One.” He raised a finger before his hand found his side again. 
“Do not blame Bill for any of this.” You were quick to Bill’s defense as heat blossomed from your chest. His anger made its way to you as your body stiffened, “You needed the help back there, Kennedy. Don’t act like you didn’t.” 
He shut his eyes as his lips pinched into a thin line. You knew the effects of calling him by his last name did to him. He took in a deep breath before opening his eyes and as they trapped yours he sighed, “How did you get here?” 
“Same way you did. I drove. Ingrid gave-.”
“Hunnigan got you in on this too? Jesus H. Christ.” He was in a sense of disbelief. He thought when he gave Ingrid the out and the coordinates to your cabin that you both would be out of this until it was clear. Hindsight is 20/20 though and he never knew better. 
“Yes, she is. We all are!”
“We?”
“We. Me, Ingrid, and a couple of trusted colleagues.” You admitted, knowing how it sounded. 
“A couple? I got the one trusted colleague.” 
“Don’t start. I have it under control.” You broke eye contact with him, feeling immensely guilty. “Ingrid trusts them and so do I. We need as many hands as we can get right now.” You were right and he knew it, he just had a hard time coming to terms with no matter how he looked at this he couldn’t get it done with just the best of the best. 
“And none of them were field agents? None of them could take your place?” The words fell from his lips revealing how shattered he was. The weight of exhaustion weighing heavily upon his shoulders. 
“No.” Your eyes met him again, “It was a last resort. I know I have limited experience and I know I work better from the sky, but I’m the best shot right now. It’s pathetic and I’m well aware of that fact; but if it makes you feel better I was supposed to be meeting Chris. Not you.” He raised an eyebrow, “Ingrid assumed you went with Claire to the west and sent Chris north. I guess we should’ve known better, you field agents never put the right tracking equipment on.” You chuckled trying to lighten the mood and it worked a little bit as you caught a glimpse of a small smile. You knew he was mad and you knew that the last thing he wanted to deal with was you. Painting yourself a burden on his shoulders, making him have to deal with you again. 
“(Y/N)?” Ingrid’s voice broke up, but still cut through your ear piece. 
“Ingrid.” You said, forcing the cheap equipment further into your ear. “I’m here. Ingrid?” 
“Got ya.” Ingrid said as the quality cleared, “It’s been three hours.” 
“I know. Ran into a speed bump that thickened our plot.” You said looking at the military grade watch on your wrist. “From the looks of it the DSO decided they weren’t completely against bioweapons.” 
“I guess it doesn’t surprise me. Have you met up with Chris?” You studied Leon’s face hesitating on what was the best answer here. Tell her the truth and in the process telling Bill the truth as well, or keeping your mouth shut. You looked away from Leon and to the barricaded door. 
“Yes. I’m with Chris now bunkered down in some abandoned cabin. Any luck reaching Claire?” Your free arm wrapped around your waist as you bit your lip. The guilt of your white lie is already upsetting your stomach. Leon wants to reach for you, but he doesn’t. He knows better. 
“Unfortunately, no.” She sighed as her fingers worked on a bubble gum pink mini HP. “I’m doing the best with what I’ve got. But, there is good news on the horizon, our culprit is closer than we think. I believe if you and Chris keep moving you’ll meet them before they dock and get the jump on them before they know what hits them.”
“Do we have any time to spare? Chris is a little worse for wear and I would rather go into this with him on better terms.” Leon bit his tongue, you could not be worried about him right now. 
Ingrid raised a brow at your question and hesitantly said, “Safe to assume ten hours, nine to be on the safe side.” 
“Good, that’ll give us enough time to see if we can reach Claire on the same shitty equipment we have.” 
“Agreed. If you could catch them and get them to turn around and meet you there it would put you ahead of schedule.” Neither you or Ingrid could fight the little victorious smile on your faces. You nearly forgot how good you were at this.
“Alright, I’m going silent. I’ll catch you when I get us through or when we hit the road. Out.” “Talk to you then. Out.” You took the ear piece out of your ear as you turned to Leon, your smile now grown. 
“We’ve got time and a damn good chance of a good ending.” The hopeful optimism brought the color back to your face and made his chest swell as he returned your smile. Lord knows he needed to smile and needed a break. “So here’s what we are going to do; you are going to give me your earpiece and I am going to try and get Claire or Chris on the other end while you take that bed and rest.” You said gesturing to the twin sized bed in the far right corner of the room.
“Rest? You can’t-.” 
“I am. This place is boarded up and we will be better off in the long run if you are charged up a bit.” He rolled his eyes as his hands found his hips, while you walked up to him. “I’m not saying you have to fall asleep, but just take a moment. You have the time, use it.” You begged him as you went and carefully took his ear piece out of his ear, “I’ll keep watch.” 
He sighed, “Fifteen minutes.” 
“Three hours, got it.” 
“One hour.” 
“Two.” 
He didn’t say another word, just turned and headed for the bed. He hit the bed lightly as a puff of dust floated off of it and into the air. He let out a short cough before going back to try and get off as much dust as he could. As he took a seat he noted a little victorious grin on your face before you sat on the floor, tucking his ear piece into your ear. 
He picked up the pillow wanting to say something but lacking the words. He was everywhere at the moment. He was still utterly pissed that you were here, he was still full of fear from barely being able to escape the horde of undead soldiers, he was still so mad at himself for getting you involved; but yet he was over the moon with joy that he could talk to you, be in same room as you, smile with you. It was selfish and cruel to crave you so. 
As he grabbed the pillow he shook it, trying his best to make it look clean enough to convince himself it was clean enough to rest on. Setting it back down he laid down, the bed creaking as he did so. He once again took a deep breath in and out, focusing on the various aches he felt all over. His eyes closed as he tried to settle into the mattress. It didn’t work as he opened them and turned his head to look at you. 
“Claire? Chris? Redfields, do you copy?” 
“I’ve tried a million times.” He confessed, he hasn’t tried since stepping foot in this cabin. 
“I’ll try a million and one.” He let out a short laugh. “Rest.” You pressed him again. 
“Can’t.” Leon said just to get under your skin. 
“You haven’t tried.” You turned your body just enough to send him a short glare. “I have work to do.” You said, turning back to face the window while you fidgeted with the smart device in your hand. Leon just smirked as he shut his eyes again, trying to rest for your sake.
He laid there with his legs crossed at his ankles and his hands folded and resting on his stomach for a good fifteen minutes. Switching between listening to you call out for the Redfield siblings and your fidgeting on the floor as you tried to get comfortable. As he went to sit up he was stopped by the sound of a low hum starting to come from you. For a minute he was scared that you had eyes in the back of your head that knew his next move; but then your hum continued into a melody. A sweet soft melody that he could swear he’s heard everyday for the countless days that he’s spent away from you. A song that was constantly stuck in the back of his head that he would hum or sing along too just to comfort himself when the bottle didn’t do the trick or he had reached the end of it. For the first time in days he truly relaxed against the ancient mattress that he laid on. His eyes remained shut, his breathing slowed, and he fell asleep. Dreaming that the sound was closer, that you were closer. 
You’ve been rotating between sitting on the floor and standing for two hours while Leon snored softly. A soft smile plastered to your face, he still made you feel like this. You should hate him and part of you does, but the majority of you feels differently. He broke your heart so bad that you never thought you would get over it, and you haven’t. You just moved forward. What were you supposed to do? He had proven to you that you weren’t enough. That you could give it all up and you still couldn’t deliver. Maybe it was a misunderstanding, maybe it was always destined to be this way, but whatever it was it hurt. It penetrated your heart and twisted itself-infecting itself in you - and it nearly consumed you. Yet, you still felt bad for screaming at him until your throat was too dry to speak another word. 
“Chris? Claire? Please.” You sighed, “Redfield.” You pushed the ear piece further into your ear while you were greeted to the sound of static. “Dammit.” Your arms flying out from you in frustration. You looked over to Leon who was still asleep, thankful for not waking him. 
You wondered if he slept enough. It was always something he was terrible at doing. He constantly pushes himself to the edge and beyond and you remember having to beg him to come to bed. To you it was a lot of begging, to him he caved rather easily. Looking for an excuse to have you wrapped up in his arms, his embrace warm and comforting. He made you feel safe, he always has. 
You and Leon meddled together so perfectly and effortlessly that it made you question every thought that you had ever had about love before meeting him. That maybe the general population was on to something when it came to the craziest four letter word that meant the world to everyone. 
That’s when the question crossed your mind again. For the first time since your wedding night you wondered, did you feel that way about Bill? You bit your lip and started to pace back and forth. You shouldn’t be thinking about this right now, you told yourself you wouldn’t ever think about it again. You felt a blanket of shame cover you as you pushed the ear piece back further into your ear. 
“Claire Redfield, do you copy?” You asked, biting the inside of your cheek. 
“Hello?” It was quiet and you barely heard it, but it was there. It was Claire. You quickly readjusted the frequency on your smart device and tried again. 
“Claire Redfield, do you copy?”
Silence. 
“I copy.” You opted for a sigh of relief over a squeal of joy.
“It’s (Y/N). How well can you hear me? Over.”
“(Y/N)! Boy am I glad to hear from you!” Claire rejoiced loudly as she looked over to her brother. He smiled before looking back to the road and blowing out a cloud of smoke. 
“You won’t be when I tell you to turn around.” You laughed, trying to keep a sense of humor. 
“What? Why?”
“Hunnigan has informed me that their location has changed. They’ll be docking at Port Sutton in less than thirteen hours. If my GPS is right you should be able to make it in four hours, just beating Leon and I there by fifteen minutes.” 
“You’re with Leon?” Claire asked, stumbling over the words. Leon mentioned the encounter to the two of them briefly. It was enough for them to know it was intense and left Leon in a mixture of anger and depression. 
“Yeah, I was supposed to be with your brother. But let’s not worry about it right now. I’ll have to teach you guys how to read at a later date.” Your teasing was met with a sarcastic laugh. “I’ll send you the exact coordinates and hopefully you’ll receive them if the connection stays strong enough.” You were quick to send them the information and crossed your fingers hoping that it got to them. 
“Got it. We’ll see you there. Out.” 
“I will see you there. Out.” You switched channels quickly and then called for Ingrid. 
“Here.” She confirmed her presence as her eyes served as windows for her brain to absorb the information she was reading. 
“I got into contact with Claire and sent out the information they needed. It took me long enough though.” 
“Good. That cabin is still holding up?” She asked.
“Luckily.” 
“How’s Chris?” 
“Good.” Your stomach tightened, “He’s good. Sleeping.”
“When will you both start moving?” 
“A few hours. He needs this more than you know.” Ingrid picked up on the high pitch in your tone, confirming her suspicions. “How’s Sydney?”
“Bill just put her to bed.” 
“How’s Bill?” 
“Good. He’s worried, but I keep assuring him you’re fine. You’re with Chris.” She put heavy emphasis on Chris’s name, telling you that she knew you were with Leon. She knew you were lying.
“Right.” A frown tugged deeper into the corners of your mouth. You yawned and lightly scratched your scalp, “Alright, I’m going to go. I will contact you when we hit the ground running. Out.” You didn’t let Ingrid confirm her leave as you took the ear piece out of your ear. Unable to take her chastising right now. She knew you were weak. 
You grew increasingly frustrated with yourself as you went and fixed one of the chairs to where you could sit comfortably. 
A mix of emotions pooling in your stomach as you sat there. Anxiety, disgust, and confusion mixed with bile as it worked its way up your throat; your stomach full of guilt for being relieved that you found Leon instead of Chris. 
You loved Bill. You really really loved Bill. You loved your daughter more than anything even though you weren’t tied to her by blood. You loved the life you had grown into. Yet, there was still something missing. Something that kept you below the waves, kept you cold, kept you quiet. With an exhausted sigh the palms of your hands found your face. 
“Fuck.” You mumbled as you sniffed, trying not to cry. You’ve cried too much and you don't want to cry anymore. Bringing your knees to your chest you realized how cold you were. Your joints ache and your fingers burnt as you wrap them around your legs. You squeezed the rough fabric of your pants as you took in a sharp breath. Unoccupied hands allowed your thoughts to settle. “Fuck.” You mumble again, biting your lip. 
Just as the damn was about to break you heard Leon groan, causing you to shoot up. Your feet hit the floor as you were quick to his bedside. You looked at him cautiously as his face scrunched in discomfort. As it relaxed the effect of time making itself present on his face. He has aged right along with you- and in your opinion time was kinder to him than you. You both were still so young, yet you felt like you looked closer to your eighties than your thirties. You went to brush some of his hair out of his eye but stopped halfway there. Your hand lingering, too afraid to take the leap forward. 
Leon grunted before letting out a whimper that you knew was pain. Your hand found his shoulder unable to watch the mental effects of his nightmare on his face. 
“Leon.” You shook him lightly, “Leon, wake up.” Your tone is gentle but still as firm as you could make it. “Le-.”
You were cut short as his hand found your wrist in a tight grip as his eyes shot open, his body ready to fight. In the milliseconds that it took for him to realize the situation and the look of fear on your face caused his grip to lighten. “You’re okay, just a nightmare.” You cooed. Not fearful of him, fearful for him. Leon started to breath as he subconsciously let go of your wrist and sandwiched his fingers between yours holding your hand. You tethered him to Earth as he avoided your eye contact. 
“You’re freezing.” He pointed out to you as his eyes remained glued to the wooden floor. He squeezed your hand slightly and you returned the gesture. The lack of your wedding band nearly caused him to forget his place. 
“I know. This place isn’t exactly heated.” You smiled trying to joke with him. Trying to give him a sign to trust you. “Do you want to talk about it?” Leon shut his eyes and shook his head. He didn’t want to imagine your lifeless body again. 
“How long have I been asleep?” 
“About two and half hours.” The confession comes out slow, hoping he wouldn’t be too upset at you. He scoffed, shaking his head. 
“Did you get into contact with Claire or Chris?” 
“Yes. It took awhile, but I got them. I sent the coordinates to them and they should be on the right track to meet us there.” You looked at him, wanting him to look back at you. “We can start moving if you want, but we have time to spare if you’d like to just breathe. We’d be on the earlier side of things if we leave.” You gave him his options and as he weighed them your hand finally found its way to his hair. Your mind and body give to him in his time of discomfort. 
He forgets himself as he looks at you, his body heating at the gentle lingering contact with you. A familiar tingle working its way up his spine, “Breathe.” He answers and a sad little smile finds your face as the softness of his hair threads through your fingers. 
“Okay, then we breathe. No rush.” You soothed. 
“You’re freezing.” He repeated, wanting to soothe you just as you soothe him. He stood and pulled back the thin blanket as he got up, not letting go of your hand as your other hand fell from his head. “We need to get you warmed up.” 
“Leon.” You protested, having no faith in the blanket.  
“Please.” He pleaded, he did as you wanted and now it was your turn. You sighed letting go of his hand and crawling into the bed. You pulled the blanket over you still cold. 
“There.” You went to get back up but he stopped you as his hand found your shoulder. 
“Wait.” His tone telling you to stay as he went to the dresser and opened the drawers looking for something, anything to help keep you warm. The search was useless though as he just found a couple worn out old books and disregarded water damaged paper. He sighed as he got up and made his way back to you. There was nothing and as he heard the slight chatter of your teeth as a cold chill ran up your spine he was out of options. He made his way back to you as his eyes softened, “Scoot over.” You raised an eyebrow but did as he said. The bed creaked in uncertainty, unsure if the dry rot of the wood would support the both of you. Miracles happen everyday though as it remained strong and Leon pulled you into his chest. Your whole body heated as he held you firmly against him. You breathed him in and found a safe haven in his arms. You relaxed quickly against him as your arms found their way to his sides, the palms of your hands pushing him closer to you as they rested against the firmness of his back. 
“Warm.” You said against the fabric of his shirt, your eyes closing. He smiled warmly as he ran a hand up and down your back. He felt as if he was on cloud nine as he began to feel that same joy again as you rested against. Your frame fits so perfectly against him even after all this time. There was a sliver of him that feared you wouldn’t, that you had grown too accustomed to the feel of someone else. But you hadn’t, you were still made for him. 
He breathed you in as he buried his head in the crook of your neck. You smelt the same, you felt the same, and it nearly made him cry. He hoped with every fiber of his being that he soothes you the way you soothe him. As your body relaxes he finds relief against you. Forgiveness nearly makes him weep as his grip on you tightness, not wanting to leave this moment. Selfishly he wants to run from this with you, he wants to truly apologize to you. He wants to make up for lost time. He wants you completely, wholly, selfishly. 
“Why?” You ask and as the question falls from your lips he realizes he’s too late. 
“I didn’t want you to change for me. I didn’t want you to marry me because you felt like you had too.” 
“You asked me and I said yes. I was ready. I was tired. I wanted you.” You buried your head into his chest as your shoulders jolted upward, muffling the sound of a hic. Warm tears piercing the fabric of his shirt. 
“I couldn’t bring myself to believe otherwise. You always spoke of never wanting a family, never wanting to settle, and I couldn’t be the one to force you into something you didn’t really want.” His heart shattered as he strung together words that only made sense to him. Tears silently and slowly falling from his own eyes. 
“I wanted you so bad. I wanted a life with you so bad that settling down felt like the only thing I had ever wanted.” Your fingers dug into his back and his heart shattered. “I loved you, I loved you, I loved you.” Your screams muffled by his chest as he was reduced to dust as he held you against him. You were so mad, “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.” Your lies came out broken as you sobbed against him. His hand intertwined with your hair as he scratched your scalp lightly, trying to comfort you. He placed a firm kiss on your head as he sniffed. 
His fault, it was all his fault and there was no one to blame but himself. He could’ve had it all and saved himself so much time, if he just would’ve taken the leap of faith that his heart had told him to take. He wouldn’t be here struggling to keep the broken bits together. 
As your sobbing subsided you tried to catch your breath while still remaining glued to him. Your eyes heavy and weak as you tried to bring yourself to pry yourself away from him. 
You were successful as you sat up with regret, knowing that you will never hold Leon like that again. He refused to let you go though as he held your left hand, his thumb ghosting by your bare ring finger. Wishing that the ring he got you was there and not the imprint of the one Bill gave you. You dreamed with him while you wiped your eyes and tried to piece yourself together. You had to finish this for your daughter. You had to finish this for your husband. It was time to say goodbye, but time didn’t exist in this cabin. This broken cabin that held the only person that could make home anywhere. 
“Do you still love me?” Leon asked with baited breath. A last ditch question that could no longer remain on the tip of his tongue. He needed to know. He didn’t care if it was too late or if Bill already had you in the palm of his hand; he just needed to know if he remained in your heart the way you did in his. 
Your brows furrowed as your glassy eyes met his. Your ribs aching as your heart reached for him. A cold rush running down your spine as your shoulders relaxed and you finally admitted, “I still love you.”
143 notes · View notes
k3ttl3-gurl-748 · 4 months
Text
Finally finally got Ch 3 out of this thing. Heavy edits for weeks kept it from coming out but here it is.
0 notes
bebx · 6 months
Text
Tumblr media
7K notes · View notes
euthymiaaa · 5 months
Text
— longing for someone prompts ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡
im bathing in angst rn, enjoy!
them haunting your mind constantly, but are you even in theirs?
unconciously searching for them wherever, whenever
itching to text them, yet the guilt of pestering them hits
your stomach being on edge whenever you see someone who has a similar figure to theirs
regularly scouring their social media for any updates
them acting so sweetly which turns out to just be a cruel dream
envy creeping up your throat whenever other people hangout with them
taking them off your mind by hanging out with your friends, just for you to only see bits of their personality in your friends
weeping frustruatedly on your knees because you can't stop recalling your memories with them
surrendering to your insecurities; perhaps they truly are better off without you
hopelessly persuading yourself that you were able to go on with life before knowing them, so you can definitely do it after they left
urging the universe to see them one last time before letting them go (it never happens anyways)
"if anyone is listening, please let our paths intertwine again before the day I take my last breath"
4K notes · View notes
urfriendlywriter · 7 months
Text
angsty romance prompts:
(feel free to use <33 7, 10, 14, and 23 r my favs omds. tag me when yall writeeee | @urfriendlywriter )
"tell me it was a lie. tell me you're playing with me right now."
"please- please, please wake up, [name]- w-wake up.. please."
"i will die beside you. i won't ever leave you."
"i trusted you."
"you lied to me. was i just a pawn in your game? the easiest one you can sacrifice ?"
"i am sor-" "don't you dare apologize."
"you do not deserve my forgiveness."
"does all of this mean nothing to you?"
"i sacrificed everything for you..."
"i still love you-" "no you don't. you love using me. you hate that I'm standing up for myself now. you loved me when i was submitting to you.."
"i can't love you anymore. i don't want to."
"i despise you."
"you make me feel so alone."
"i look at you, and i feel miserable."
"Please. Just kill me and get it over with. Don't screw me over. and. over again."
"you turned my world around and you crushed it."
"is it fun? is it fun for you to see me hurt?"
"stop following me! If you follow me out that door right now, I'm calling the cops."
"that is not what i meant and you know it !! you know i didnt mean that !"
"you can never earn back my trust."
"I'm not giving up on you, ever."
^ "I'm sorry. but i did. it's time you do too."
"will it kill you to tell me the truth for once?"
^ "i tried! i tried to tell you. you didn't listen to me and, wow. look--you are not listening to me right now as well! "
"we, we were a lie. we were nothing but a fantasy! don't you understand? it's all over now."
5K notes · View notes
bluebirdva · 1 year
Text
I took it for granted that you'd be with me...
Why did I become so desperate when you disappeared?...
I tried to desperately recall how I lost you.
-Dylan
Piccrew: Masaki
🎶 Love Remains The Same - Gavin Rosdale
Voice: Hikaru Midorikawa
Lines: Edgar - Earl and Fairy
1 note · View note
spaceinvadeeer · 3 months
Text
Tumblr media
lost on you
3K notes · View notes